#and you don't see memes about that song for a reason... because it's very rarely played due to how bad it is

[runthepockets]

When I was a little boy, in 2nd or 3rd grade, my mom dragged me to the bathroom of a department store after refusing 4 times in a row to walk any further than we already had. She smacked me upside the head and on my rear till I cried. "You will not fucking embarrass me, not with all these people out here. You will not fucking embarrass me, [DEADNAME]. Apologize for causing a scene." I was in shambles. It was only once so I don't hold it against her, but the way human minds work means I'll never forget, even though I forgive.

I was 11 when I discovered Eminem. I clicked on the song "My Mom", expecting some kind of R&B anthem to motherhood like most rappers. Instead it was the opposite. 5 minutes of a fully grown man putting his mom on blast for being terrible and making him the way he was; 5 minutes of a fully grown man trying to heal the little 8 year old boy still tucked away in his psyche, following him after every woman he'd beaten and every bottle he'd topped off.

As a preteen I was very prone to fighting. I understood dishonesty at the age of 7, I had identity issues until the age of 24. As an adult I have a very intense relationship with alcohol and feel an urge to be in control of every aspect of my life in a way that simply isn't realistic, and is dulled by prescriptions to Testosterone and Fluoxetine; never cured, just dulled, and easier to deal with every day. I rarely, if ever, act on these urges; I know the effect they'll have on the people I love.

I'm 24 now. I have a nice life; a nice job, cool friends, a roommate who I consider family, hobbies that empower me, and every day I find reasons to live in something as simple as a bashful 4 year old hiding behind his mother when she asks him to tell the retail clerk thank you for giving him the free stickers, or the 16 year old girl giggling over a Tiktok with her friends. My go to artist now when I think too hard about my mother is A Perfect Circle. Nevertheless, when I'm drunk, I still listen to that song. The lines "My mom, loves valium, and lots of drugs, that's why I am, why I am, cus I'm my mom!" and "What kinda mother would want to see her son grow up to be an under-fuckin-achiever" live rent free in my mind. Though I'm not quite a drug addict, and though my mother never poisoned my food, I have been hit. I have been berated and shamed and treated lower than a stray dog, and I have felt the urge to make others suffer for my misfortune. Unlike Marshall Mathers, I never act on these feelings. Unlike Marshall Mathers, I have a lot of sympathy for my mother even in the face of all the hatred; but similarly to him, I cannot fucking stand her. There are times when I fantasize about showing up dressed up to her funeral, as any son would for his mother, and ripping loose, exposing her entire history and flipping the bird toward her casket while I laugh in her face. I'm not proud of these fantasies, but child psychology 101 will tell you this is to be expected. Maybe this is why I sometimes ruminate in my childhood admiration for that deeply sick, broken man--- maybe his twisted, tragic narrative spoke truth to mine.

I was 23 last year. In the midst of the Breaking Bad renaissance, I was seeing a lot of memes about how Jesse Pinkman-- the sensitive, affectionate man who shrouds his feelings in a façade of working class toughness and tribal tattoos and Sapphire Longue Hoodies and oversized Roca wear Jeans, because anything less is considered fraudelent in the violent, ambitious, and chaotic world of drug dealing-- effeminate, if you will-- is an oafish trans man who rocks with Eminem. I know most of these posts are jokes at the deprecating expense of a fictional character, but they still make my heart swell.

[girlwithakiwi]

20 Questions Writer Meme

I wasn't tagged but I did steal this from @skywalking-through-life because it looked fun.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

31. 11 are public and are from my current fandom while 20 are user-locked and are from previous fandoms.

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

1,140,336. About 900k of that is from my current fandom. :P

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I write for A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Probably everything in my current fandom lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I know it is a common complaint in the writing fandom space how fandom community has been replaced by content creation and consumption, and I figure that one of the ways to fight back against that is to have a two-way chat in the comment section. I also figure that both me and the reader are in this fandom for a reason and I also like chatting about the thought process behind my stories so I enjoy the thread gabs!

6. What's the fic you wrote that has the angstiest ending?

Me, who kills Jon off as a hobby: *laughs nervously*

7. What's the fic you wrote that has the happiest ending?

Think I'll stick to current fandom for these questions but probably interlude: la danse d'hiver, the only time I will likely ever write a Babies Ever After/Targaryen Restoration ending. It maybe ties with the silhouette of a single memory, but the caveat with the latter is that everything in canon still took place so maybe it's more on the sweet side of bittersweet.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? I've had a handful of stray comments that probably didn't need to be written but to be honest, I'm roasted on the reg by a pair of 6-year-olds. No one can hurt your feelings like a child with no tact so I usually shake my head and laugh at the rare bits of negativity.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do love to see an aunt bang her nephew. So yes. Very much so lmao

10. Do you write crossovers?

Fusion, sure. But I haven't really written a crossover since my days writing for The Dresden Files/Sherlock and that was entirely due to a whole OC storyline I created with my partner-in-crime

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Hopefully not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Someone translated the gather, the bend, the bringing forth into Russian. Kudos to them because even my eyes go crossed when I work up the gumption to reread that monstrosity.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

In the past, yes! Not anymore though because my writing schedule is absolutely shit-faced.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I've had a lot of OTPs. Clearly, I'm sailing on the Jonerys ship currently but I've had at least one or two for each fandom I've written for.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but don't think you ever will?

Arcana, mostly. I grew disillusioned with the canon source and its author so there's a good chance this one will never be finished.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I am my worst critic so I'll just say I'm good at typing a lot of words that sometimes are coherent and pretty.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing, which is a real fucking problem since four of my multi-chapter fics over the past couple of years have been (or are going to be) well over 150k.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

There are usually snippets of High Valyrian in some of my ASOIAF/GOT fics but I'm not sure of that counts.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Sailor Moon! :D

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oooh. That's a tough one. I like all of my fics for different reasons. They each speak to me in a different way. I may love the complexity of one, the writing style of another, the themes of a third, and the characterization of yet another.

I will say that the two fics of mine I reread most often are the silhouette of a single memory and where ruin also exists.

•

Tagging @sweetpeapod @aeide @ragingrainbow @mrpinniped @thebright1 @zavocado @arielchelby @jellybeanficwriter if you're interested!

[nyxelestia]

7, 11, 18

(from this "get to know your writer" meme)

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

I have a soft spot for outsider POVs, so I usually aim for a POV of someone who isn't at the center of the story, but is still very close to it (ideally having their own story that in some way contrasts or complements the actual main story). I also enjoy using multiple POVs, mostly outsider POVs, to "triangulate" a story without relying on the main character of the story to tell it all themselves.

It started out as a way to challenge myself, because I was prone to over-relying on introspection and characters thinking about things. Using outsider POVs became a way of pushing myself to "show" rather than "tell" a lot more. Then I realized I enjoyed outsider POVs for opportunity of "color commentary" on whatever's going on, how different perspectives or biases might shape people's understanding of a certain character or story, and generally exploring different understandings of what is or isn't going on.

Outsider POVs also make it easy to focus in on one part of the/a main character's arc by zeroing in on it and excluding the rest. In a way, it lets me highlight the "real" story when I get to temporarily remove or cover up a plot that obfuscates the underlying relationships and emotions. (e.x. I have a Captain America/Teen Wolf AU in which Steve Rogers sees a lot of the Teen Wolf canon events, but without knowing about the existence of werewolves just yet. It let me focus on the teen characters' trauma and character growths before all the supernatural stuff started cluttering up the fic 😅)

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

Aaahhhh this one's so hard 🥺😩 And slightly confusing because I'm not sure if it means three favorites out of my own fics, or in general/other people's fics? How can I pick only 3?? I've read and written so many, do I even try to narrow down by fandom or year or something???

Setting aside the fact that I don't really do favorites in the first place, I'm going to feel self-conscious about all the fics I didn't pick if I try to link to three fics by other authors, so I'll by my top three out of my own fics:

1.) Frost Bite - the aforementioned Captain America/Teen Wolf crossover. Stiles is Bucky's grand-nephew (Bucky's sister's grandson), and the closest thing to a living relative Steve has in the 21st century.

2.) For the Dust and the Dirt - time-travel Untamed fic, though none of the characters know it yet. Cloud Recesses student Wei Wuxian was attacked and tortured by what looks like a crazy, old, and powerful copy of himself, for no good reason. Though the attack has left a lot of people sympathetic to him...and left him with strange "visions" about things that haven't happened yet.

3.) Virtues, Chicken, and Destiny - technically a series, a rewrite of Season 4 of the BBC show Merlin. It started out as an off the cuff frustration with the the show's writing, but turned into a lot of character exploration of Arthur, as well as the nature of friendships, trust, and Arthur's various relationships with the people around him.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

After. Sometimes I don't come up with a title until I'm staring at the New Work form on AO3. 😅 I generally have one of two titles:

1.) A reference of some kind, quoting something either from the canon work itself, another classical/famous work altogether, or a song (though I rarely use whole lines if I'm using song lyrics). Regardless, I still use the words as a title (i.e. capitalizing everything), and try to pick titles that would still make sense or have some connection to my fic even if you've never heard that song or whatever, aka a lyric clip or title that can stand on its own (but will convey extra vibes to anyone who does know the song or reference). In that regard, I usually try to pick titles with some kind of imagery in them that acts as an allegory for the story somehow. e.x. "Drowning Like a Stone" is both a quote from the English version of Why Don't You Stay, but also describes Chay: he is a stone for much of the fic due to trauma/depression, and sinking fast and hard into his new life.

2.) Something that works with the chapter titles, typically in some thematically relevant way. One of the reasons I'm proud of Frost Bite is that the chapter titles are also the steps for treating Frost Bite - Steve's emotional state is frost bitten, the story is about his psychological recovery, and the chapter titles are usually a metaphor in some way for his emotional development or experience in that chapter (e.x. "Skin Will Blister As It Thaws" - a frost bitten limb needs to thaw but will hurt in the process, and similarly recovering and reconnecting is something Steve needs to do, but not without emotional pain in the process).

3.) A bit of both. "To Belong With Fire" is indirectly quoting Kinn from the show, but the chapter titles are the different chemical stages for the production of fire, and metaphorical for what's going on in those chapters, e.x. "Fuel" is both Porsche's body being 'fuel' for fire, but also Kinn being fueled by grief in his desperate actions. I picked the song that "For the Dust and the Dirt" quotes from because it conveys the arbitrariness and hopelessness of grief, surviving war, and lost dreams, but those specific words/that specific line was because of the usage of dust and dirt in the fic's inciting incident; the chapter titles are just POVs, but sometimes it's singular (if the whole chapter is one character), but otherwise it's thematic (such as the chapter titled "Zongzhu", which was various sect leaders' POVs, both to show the cultivation worlds' varying reactions and attitudes about what happened, but also show parts of the story that I want the reader to know but the main character would have no way of knowing).

[huntunderironskies]

moooooooom @gristlegrinder is trying to get me to explain the edgy battle idol boy microgenre to unsuspecting innocent people againnnnn

Anyway. Ask meme time! I always feel bad tagging people in these because I can never tell if someone finds it annoying or if someone would do them but doesn't get tagged most of the time and therefore feels left out, so if you're reading this consider it an invitation to participate. That is an @ everyone I guess. All that said, I'm going to pick randomly from both old friends (@braintapes @elderdragonapologist @darkprincecait) and some people who I see interacting with my posts a lot but who I've never really held conversations with (@brieflyinfatuated @parasitic--saint @6-piece-chicken-mcnobody) just to kick things off. Again, if I didn't tag you but this looks like fun, you can do it! But I like giving people notifications and I also like multiples of three so that's why I only actively tagged six people by name.

I went way off the rails talking about stuff so I made it harder than it should be to find the categories. For the record the categories we are talking about are: Last Song Listened To, Currently Watching, Currently Reading, and Current Obsessions should you decide to do this meme. Without further ado....

Last Song Listened To: If we're talking "listened to because I was actively seeking out music," it was apparently No Matter What by The Cat's Whiskers according to Spotify. If we're talking incidental background music, it's whatever that one BGM is in the Grammaphone Cafe in Cassette Beasts.

Currently Watching: Kingohger. Kind of. I'm way behind at the moment, I am really sorry, Cait. If drama tracks/radioplays count I've been picking through Magatsunote and just wrapped up the first season. It's slow going because I have to translate it from Japanese which I absolutely do not speak fluently, I'm trying to finish it before Executioner starts putting out theirs in earnest. I am probably not going to make it in time.

Currently Reading: I finished An Unauthorised Fan Treatise in like. A single sitting which is rare for me, my attention span and memory retention has shrunken to nothing over the past few weeks for various reasons. A mystery novella was apparently just what the doctor ordered. What I'm actively reading now is The Backwater Sermons by Jay Hulme since poems are so much easier for me to get through when I'm having those kinds of moments.

Currently Obssessed With:

So. I'll start with the answer you're fishing for...

...but it's under a cut because I got very wordy given that I'm kind of intense about the things I like.

I don't know how to describe this other than the fact that hit music project Hypnosis Mic, in which the matriarchal government that takes over Japan after World War III legally mandates psychic damage-based bloodsports as a form of conflict resolution, absolutely printed money.

To the best of my reckoning the reason why is that a lot of the women (and a not insubstantial amount of transmascs from what I've observed, me included) who'd grown up on male idol projects like Uta no Prince-Sama and fluffy otomuke were older now and were no longer able to relate to lighthearted high school antics. But being stuck in a miserable adulthood with a world that feels like it's getting worse and worse around you and you have to struggle against the crushing pressure of a system you never asked to be born into, sometimes pitting you against people and things you love? That's relatable. Meanwhile, you still get the fun of identifying and fighting for a musical group? And there are anime boys who are in their mid-twenties to early thirties and are therefore age-appropriate for you to be thirsting after? And and the music is really good? Total goldmine.

And so a bunch of other corporations with an interest in the joseimuke market decided to make their own music projects that (mostly) take place in the dystopian near future and feature a lot of suffering and bloodshed and homoeroticism and some kind of plot they can shoehorn idol units into.

I have nicknamed this microgenre the Edgy Idol Boy Battle Anime and appointed myself the foremost expert on this esteemed field. @missmadril (...who I guess I have now tagged so she can do this tag game also now, have at it bestie) will probably back me up on having claim to it since I have no standards and will immediately watch/listen to anything that falls under that genre, also I have very little competition for that role because I'm pretty sure the EN-side fandom for Magatsunote and Executioner is literally just me.

I got onboard very early with Hypnosis Mic pre-first season and immediately knew the second that I saw Jakurai that he was going to rewrite my brain chemistry. He's a white haired (....well, grey, close enough) angel-themed character who has committed terrible crimes in the past and is wracked with guilt over it, doing everything he can to make up for his misdeeds to the point of needless self-sacrifice. What was I supposed to do, not fall madly in love with him? Now, I am still very occupied with hpmi but we're currently between plot arcs waiting for the third round of...whatever is going on after all those plot twists so in lieu of content I have been fixated on different franchises. More specifically, certain characters. I accidentally wrote essays about them. Sorry.

The shitty pictures are because, once again, the EN-side fanbase of these is me and me alone. As such there are like, zero resources out there including art assets. I tried very hard to make these screenshots of the official webpages. Please clap.

Momiji Beniyashiki

Remember how I knew sight unseen that Jakurai was going to rewrite my brain chemistry? If you forgot, just scroll up, it's like just two paragraphs above. Then you will remember.

Alright, well, here's the second character who's going to do that. Executioner only has its story/character teasers and a single out right now but so did hpmi when I first got into it and I could just instinctively feel it in my otomuke/joseimuke old guard bones. It feels like a bad arthritis day, for the record.

Now, those of you who have been in my presence for some time may be thinking "Hey, he's not Raz's type at all, since when have they been into pink haired alt fashion anime boys?" Well, you have judged me wrongly. I am somewhat less superficial than that. You see, it's all in the personality and backstory.

Momiji is an orphan who was adopted by a phantom thief who stole from the rich to give to the poor, and after finding out his dad's secret decided he was going to become a phantom thief too, owing to his own strong sense of justice. He's a pacifist with a reckless streak who sells his soul to a demon to save the world and that's why he's part of a demon-possessed visual-kei tokusatsu unit, and the other members are his adoptive brothers who are also phantom thieves. I would say this makes sense in context, but it doesn't.

I am entranced by his tboy swag and dedication to doing the right thing in defiance of conventional moral codes. For approximately one second in the latest single teaser (the full single is happening on Friday) (sorry in advance to anyone who talks to me on Friday), he was animated parkouring about the screen and I was so excited I began to vibrate quickly enough that I started clipping through the furniture like a character in a badly programmed video game. If the Asta drama track doesn't get dropped soon I will simply chew my own arm off from frustrated anticipation. I barely speak any Japanese and I've been trying to translate every single line of dialogue and lyrics he's had in my spare time just so I can keep thinking about him during this content gap. I've bookmarked a kanji dictionary because I'm functionally illiterate and I can get through maybe one sentence a day. Why must it not be Friday. I need it to be Friday.

At any rate, stan Asta because one of your alternatives is stanning for the unit that consists mostly of cops, and I think it is a moral good to join the war on crime on the side of the criminals. There's like, a bunch of medical professionals or whatever as the other alternative I guess. But come on. Heroic phantom thief siblings. There's a clear correct choice here.

Now that we have established the objectively best character in any of these edgy idol projects ever, let's move onto the next person who has infested my brain like a culture of cordyceps.

Masamune

"Oh, there's the white-haired anime boy!" you may be saying. To which I respond, "Shut up, a gentleman is allowed to indulge in certain vices."

Now, I know he did conduct a semi-judicial summary execution of a man who had resorted to crime in order to feed his family due in part to the inherently horrific socially stratified dystopia everyone lives in, and that was within the first five minutes of his appearance. So, not a great first impression. Like, the guy was threatening to shoot a hostage, but it was kind of overkill to take his head off without a second of hesitation. At least his corpse got used for like, fertilizer or Soylent Green or something, it's not totally clear other than ominous implications as to what happens to dead people in this setting. Truly a win for all the utilitarians out there!

He has a sense of justice in the worst possible way where he's completely unforgiving, uncompromising, fanatically dedicated to the group that he thinks is helping save humanity, and is incapable of seeing nuance. However, when compared to all of the unrepentant war criminals and the habitual arson-murderer and the omnicidal cult leader and the guy heavily implied to be conducting immoral medical trials on his patients, he starts looking like the least bad option. He is in the unique position of being capable of feeling remorse and he was brainwashed (as in, the cyberpunk corporation running everything rewired his neurons and memories in addition to the mundane definition of the word) so that kind of accounts for some of the "being a terrible person" thing.

He, uh, gets better about the whole fanatical devotion issue? Character growth. Like I said, least awful person in Magatsunote is a low bar to clear but he did it. Good job buddy, I am feeling an emotion roughly adjacent to pride for you.

I very, very rarely get the "I want to treat this character as my personal chew toy" response that other people seem to have. Then l I started watching Magatsunote and suddenly my list of characters I would put into a blender if given half the chance has increased tenfold. You can set a clock by the fact that whenever you think someone is redeemable, they will immediately do something that lets you down a scene after at the latest, but they're at least doing it in an interesting way. I have the most affection for Masamune in the sense I would like to gently pick him up, pat him on the head, and then fling him off a cliff instead of immediately succumbing to my own homicidal impulses. I probably don't need to though because every single person in the series is trying to kill each other, up to and including inter-unit violence and backstabbing. Why get involved when other people are going to do my work for me?

Don't take this as a knock against the series, it has some of the best writing chops out of what's otherwise a guilty pleasure genre for me, but it is very hard to recommend to people due to the absolutely bizarre premise even by the microgenre's standards (I honestly don't know how to start explaining it) and all of the characters being kind of. Like that. You need a specific mindset, part of which is an extremely high tolerance for weird anime bullshit and thinking horrible people ruining each others' lives is good wholesome fun, to genuinely enjoy it.

Wait, I'm supposed to be trying to convince people to listen to music. Uh. Stan ARK Kansakyoku, the least of many evils. Also Libra is a good song so, you know, there's that. That's the best pitch I can give his unit.

On a more normal person note, I've been having a lot of fun with Octopath Traveler 2 and I refuse to say which character has been occupying most of my brainspace because some of you will never let me live it down even though I think it is very cruel of the writers to genetically engineer a man designed to appeal to me and me alone, specifically, and I have already said way too much about my taste in men within just this post alone. Don't worry, though! I'm bi! And my taste in women is even worse. It starts with Rodya from Limbus Company and then it's all downhill from there. Listen, she was at least a tiny bit justified in that murder, don't judge me.

Actually, now that I'm thinking on it, Temenos needs to grow his hair out a few inches longer to be truly perfect for my awful tastes. So maybe this isn't a conspiracy against me. Nevertheless, further research into this concerning trend of white-haired anime boys seemingly tailored to my very specific desires is needed.

The last real obsession I have as of late is monster collecting games. I've mostly been doing a SwSh speedrun (to get Rapid Strikes Urshifu, Regileki and Spectrier) (yes, this is for competitive reasons) (at literally every turn where I had a choice I made the wrong meta one my first go around) and playing through Cassette Beasts as a more casual option. Cassette Beasts is super fun! I think it's really more of a Persona-alike than a monster catching game despite how it's been advertised but it 100% nails the late eighties/early nineties nostalgia in the best possible way. I'm so happy I got it on sale but TBH I'd say it would have still been worth it at full price with the amount of fun I've had playing it. It's also really well-designed from a mechanical standpoint IMO and I like its unique take on how type matchups should work, the fact that it uses status effects instead of just a damage multiplier gives so much more tactical weight to combat.

[ocean-of-junk]

It's like trying to figure out hieroglyphics but with recent history and memes.

Here's a bit more

"Unlimited uprising on the 1st world."

Generally in "1st" world countries you have

1. freedom of speech/ability to talk shit/expose injustice.

2. Have the ability to fight back with somewhat impartial bureaucracy. (No one is perfect)

3. Education.

4. Libraries (intergenerational knowledge)

5. Internet/instant communication.

6. Legally able to say No.

Whale Emperor's hate these things.

There's a reason whales used to be obsessed with owning entire islands (Jeffery Epstein and that whole generation of whales.) but are now obsessed with owning yachts with smaller yachts inside.

They've been trying to do this to the internet (Tumblr porn ban) but the ocean is vast.

There is no law on a yacht except Emperor whale law. No witnesses. No body. No crime. Judge Judy and executioner.

----

"on the first world" I think this means the Internet in general. Because for many people the only time they can express themselves and communicate is on the internet.

Emperors hate this.

See North Korea/Best Korea.

-----

Speaking of boats.

Libertarians essentially want to be captains of their boats, where they are the law.

But because boats need very specific maintenance (social connections) eventually these loners have to band together (communication with like minded trusted individuals) and seek safe spaces and follow the whale song of "self reliance is all you need."

And they willingly drive their boats into the belly of the beast. (Twitter, 4chan, ect)

And congratulate themselves on being so self reliant and getting this far on BY THEMSELVES. (Billionaire submarine 2023)

However their boats are in disrepair and sinking.

And the water rises. (Scientists have actually warned of humans causing global. Warming and proposed solutions since like 1890. But the emperor whales love the idea of things getting more rare and expensive.)

Despite the ocean being vast and literally right there they can leave anytime. But the whale song is soooooo good.

"you don't need anyone but yourself. You are right about everything. Everyone else is just lazy and wants hand outs." Ect.ect.ect.

can't trust newcomers so they attack without question unless the newcomers prove themselves. And fit into this rigid and inflexible system of self belief. They are all free thinkers after all.

(Twitter/Brazil 2024)

-----

Who even is ron Paul? What does he do? What has he actually accomplished?

Are you a tool? Think outside of the box.

-------

Finally.

The microscope informs that sometimes things aren't what they seem.

Even if something looks indecipherable.

Sometimes you really do gotta look at things from the microscopic level. However you gotta have a few things

1. Approximate knowledge of ALL things. Or the ability to learn approximate knowledge of all things.

2. Tools. Microscope, books, computer ect.

3. Red string.

4. Indomitable human spirit to find berries/memes.

5. Indomitable human spirit to share berries with people you don't know and tell fart jokes. (Almost every society has fart jokes)

6. Indomitable human spirit to tell emperor whales to fuck off.

7. Create art of telling emperor whales to fuck off.

That's all I can squeeze outta this one I think.

Def belongs in a museum.

This was posted by one of my more...oddball leftwing comrades. I needed to share it so others could partake of its mystery.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[sebille]

alright queen i'll bite. sell me on gta rp. where do i start. who is the best.

oh jesus god have mercy LMFAO this will be SO LONG I mean COUGHS OKAY SO HEY GALS HEY PALS!! DO YOU ENJOY SOAP OPERAS?? Well, what about soap operas where most of the actors don't know how to act and also HAVE GUNS? Well, maybe gta5 rp is just for you! ((I genuinely started watching it bc it popped up in my twitch recs and I couldn't believe that it was an actual thing people were watching and instantly got sucked into it. It's.........so much fun. The characters are so good. The streamers are all so good. It's my cringe hobby and I love it SO MUCH.)) First things first: What is nopixel? Here's a beginners guide to nopixel if that's something you're interested in reading. There are plenty of other RP servers but I only watch people who play on that one bc IMO it's a much more fun experience when you're able to recognize people around the city and learn character dynamics etc. There's no big overarching story happening, so everything is up to the players. Some have bigger stories happening for their characters/gangs, and some just kinda go about their day and RP when RP is presented to them. Which is nice, because that allows you to watch plenty of streamers and still be able to understand what's happening lol. There's actually a wiki for the server and its characters, so if you're ever curious on what's going on or see the backstory for a character without having to watch through hours upon hours of old VODS, there may be some info on the wiki if you're lucky. (More popular streamers and characters get more content obviously.) And a reddit page for clips, which I like to scroll through sometimes if I want a TLDR of what's happened on the server that day lol. Who should you watch? There's honestly a streamer for everyone. The server is ALWAYS active because ...time zones. I've found a lot of people I watch through watching other streamers, or just scrolling through the gta5 category on twitch. Some people watch criminals only, some people will only watch cops, civilians, whatever. It takes some time to find who's right for you. You can find the link to every streamer on their character's wiki page! People take their characters and their stories very seriously, and spend a lot of time on them and on making content for the server.  Examples: songs and music videos interviews interviews I'll just talk about some streamers I watch and link you their characters wiki pages + a clip for some VIBES. PENTA Randy Wrangler aka the most hated cop on the server lmao. Def not everyone's cup of tea. I think he's great. My favourite character on the server BY FAR. Mike Block who's....a gangsta, yo. He's great. He's a lot. Just watch the video bc that's the whole character lmao. BazzaGazza Barry Benson. He's a part of the Bondi boys & babes motor club. V chill, v enjoyable to watch. I don't have much to say but here's a clip! TheChief1114 Fingle Dan. Fingle is a huge meme. His streams are always very light hearted and fun. Timmac. Plays one of my favourite cops T.J. Mack. He's always very kind and mature which is rare. Super chill. vid. Random recs I don't have much to say about but OBV i'm recommending them for a reason: Kyle LunaOni Moosebrother Crystalst Whippy Ssaab Rerolldota Jennybeartv Aleks Hobbittrash UUUUUUUUUUH YEAH I guess that's that on that. I'll leave you with one of my personal favourite clips HAVE A GREAT NIGHT PLEASE JOIN ME IN THIS HYPERFIXATION

[morbidly-malicious-muffins]

What Kind of Music Slashers Would Vibe to Headcanons♪

This little thing popped into my head. Fyi, the canon timelines are thrown out the window for this so... Yeah.

Bring forth the bop~

RZ Michael Myers

"Let my weapons be your children, let my armies be your damned. Try to suffer on in silence, try to stop me if you can." --- This Cold Black by Slipknot

I think he'd really enjoy metal in general. I can totally see him unknowingly stomping to some Marilyn Manson and Meshuggah, though the lyrics and message probably will just fly over his head.

He listens to some heavy shit, but probably all the more mainstream bands/artists.

The loudness and organized chaos of the genre fills the void in his soul and reflects the state of his mind, despite his stoic and non-verbal outer demeanor.

Someone please do everyone a favor and introduce Michael to some death metal. Admit it, it really fits his aesthetic.

This is just based on speculation, but I suspect a 70% possibility of RZ Michael resonating with Cannibal Corpse. Fight me.

He hates classical music with a burning passion. Back in Smith's Grove, they played Bach's Air Sul G on tap. (its canon in the first movie lmao) He hates it. Mikey no likey.

Freddy Krueger

"No stop signs, speed limit, nobody's gonna slow me down. Like a wheel, gonna spin it, nobody's gonna mess me around." --- Highway to Hell, by AC/DC

Freddy listens to classic rock, period.

This guy is ngl a supporter of music taste discrimination. You listen to pop? Disgusting. You listen to Jazz? Disgusting. Classic rock is the epitome of all music.

He'll call you music-related slurs you never knew existed.

As stubborn adamant as Freddy is, he does harbor some guilty pleasures, including 70's hair metal and glam rock. Pshh. What a heckin hypocrite.

Some of his all time favorites are Guns N' Roses, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, and AC/DC.

(Basic bitch)

*Hip thrust movements to go with his 'The Sprinkler' dance moves, Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses blasting in the background*

OG Michael Myers

He doesn't listen to music, but if he did, he would probably enjoy Jazz.

Michael only listens to Miles Davis because he enjoys his music and can't be bothered to discover more artists.

Oml Michael I know Miles Davis is amazing but don't neglect other iconic artists plzzz. Someone please make him listen to some Teddy Wilson and/or Dave Brubeck.

I imagine him sitting stiff-straight on a rocking chair (he just likes how it moves), knife in his lap, rocking and zoning-out relaxing to 'Blue in Green'. (I love that piece)

#AfterHeFinallyKillsLaurie

#RetirementGoals

He also hates classical music because of the same reason as RZ Myers. Seriously, if either of them so much as hears the opening chord of Air Sul G, expect the speaker to be stomped to a pulp in a split second.

Bubba Sawyer

Alright let's all be honest with ourselves... 70's pop and country is Bubba's shit.

Look me in the face and tell me he wouldn't adore ABBA, The Jackson 5, and Dolly Parton. Thats right you can't

Everytime 'Dancing Queen' starts playing on the radio, Bubba will drop everything and start busting down.

Ain't nothing and nobody stoppin him. Drayton is powerless against the supreme sovereignty that is ABBA.

But let's also appreciate the fact that our Bubster can motherfuckin get down. *wipes sweat from forehead + heart eyes*

He would also do passionate lip sync with his heart and soul, to Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You'.

50% chance of him starting to cry right after he finishes his earnest performance.

*Holding Bubba in your arms, rubbing comforting circles on his back as he bawls hysterically, incoherently babbling on about how much he loves you*

I also feel for some reason he'd really like Joan Jett & The Blackhearts.

Thomas Hewitt

"For one moment, I wish you'd hold your stage, with no feelings at all. Open minded, I'm sure I used to be so free." --- Citizen Erased by Muse

Y'know what I have a hard time imagining the type of music Tommy listens to. Kutos, Mr. Hewitt, you have defeated me.

siKE

(This is where I yeet the timeline out of the window y'all)

Thomas enjoys Muse, Evanescence, and Radiohead. (Fight me)

He just loves how emotional their songs are. He'd have one earbud in as he works away at his projects for hours. The music helps him concentrate, it is also a source of emotional support to him.

Hearing the heart-wretching lyrical content of 'Lost in Paradise' performed so beautifully by Amy Lee's angellic voice is really comforting to him. It's like hearing about another person's experiences. It makes him feel less alone in dealing with his emotional and mental turmoils and burdens.

The first time Thomas heard 'Creep' by Radiohead, he almost cried.

He also listens to My Chemical Romance sometimes. He only knows the Black Parade album, but he loves it. If 'Creep' didn't make him cry, listening to that entire album from top to bottom sure did. He started sobbing half-way through 'Famous Last Words'.

Tommy is emotional boi 🥺

Brahms Heelshire

C l a s s i c a l

No matter how stinky Brahms is, you can't tell me that he's not classy.

Schubert is his bitch. Schubert's style tends to be quite majestic and/or dreamy, (generally) and can change color/sound very abruptly yet appropriately. (This is just my opinion based on experience with Schubert's pieces, but then I only know his piano pieces soo) (let's still cue that maestoso to scherzando transition)

But of course, Schubert isn't the only thing he listens to. He prefers the romantic period, so Mendelssohn, Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Shostakovich, Brahms, Schumann, you get the gist, all the staples. Oh yeah Elgar too. To be a proud English lad.

*Brahms swaying in the living room with the grace of a baby giraffe, engrossed in the beautiful melodies in Schumann's Kinderszenen.*

(Oml please check out 'Von fremden Landern und Manschen' and 'Kind im Einschlummern') (For those who play piano, they aren't that difficult too totally recommend) (Ok sorry I'm done now)

Brahms would totally waltz around alone to Chopin's waltzes and nocturnes.

Oh yeah apart from that classy shit, he likes to jam to meme songs.

"Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play---"

*cut to Brahms passionately fortnite dancing*

Listens to The Strange Man Who Sings About Dead Animals for a good laugh. (Please, all of his songs are gold)

Vincent Sinclair

He'll have 'emo' and 'classical' with a side of metal, thanks.

I headcanon that Vinny McWaxy is an INFJ, so the boy is likely prone to crippling existentialism. It would make sense for some aspects of his music taste to reflect that.

*cut to Vincent sitting rock-still on his workbench/stool, hands hover in mid-air, staring straight ahead, some John Cage piece playing*

You'll never hear this from Vincent but he enjoys sexy-time music. He has this whole erotic playlist he listens to while working. (Boy likes to feel sexy on the job, I respect that.)

I think its pretty much canon that Vinny loves MCR. (Hello fellow emo piece of shit 👋) His favorites are everything by them really. A hardcore fan. He used to have MCR, P!ATD, and 30 Seconds to Mars posters plastered everywhere in his workshop until he had to remove them all to add to the intimidation factor of his waxy hell for passer-bys. For the record, he is very gay for Frank Iero.

On the metal part of his spectrum is mostly classic metal, groove metal, and thrash/heavy metal.

Rammstein, Pantera, Vildhjarta, new and old Metallica, Dream Theatre, Coheed and Cambria. His bitches.

He also uses music to scare victims when bringing them down to his workshop. *cue horror movie soundtracks*

*KI KI KI MA MA MA*

Is a whore for the dramatics when in a good mood.

*Lacrimosa by Mozart plays as he makes a point to bring the wax painfully slowly down toward a drowsy and petrified victim*

A lament for your upcoming death, pitiful human.

Bo Sinclair

"The day has come for all us sinners, if you're not a servant you'll be struck to the ground." -- Beast and The Harlot by Avenged Sevenfold

Bastard boy is into dad-music™. (same)

Dad rock, classic rock, pop punk, punk rock, old school pop, his shit.

He listens to a lot of the same bands as Freddy, but Bo (generally) doesn't discriminate and explores a more diverse variety of music.

Its a fandom canon that Bo loves Avenged Sevenfold. I totally agree.

A7x is the perfect amount of cynical, political, and shred for Beauregard, (I hc that ge hates his full name so plz don't ever call him Beauregard)

He listens to the radio whenever he's at work. Whatever that might be.

Will NEVER admit it, but he thinks Vinny's music taste is dope as hell.

He'll turn off the radio just to strain his ears to listen to Vincent's music downstairs. No one will ever know that though. You don't.

Actually likes classical music too. Its not one of his main genres but there's one piece he really likes, Second Movement of Shostakovich Piano Concerto No. 2 in F Major.

He never thought he'd enjoy this type of music. Its so.... Calm. He discovered that piece from Vinny's playlist. When he first heard it on his brother's speaker, he fell in love. It was one of the extremely rare cases in which he'd be committed enough to ask Vinny the name of the music.

Tiny shuffle for man-kind, huge fuckin step for Bo. Good job Bo, we're proud of you.

Also pleeeeeaaase message me or request stuff, I'm bored and have little inspiration 🦊

I might do a pt2 of this, since I didn't write many of the boys and gals🤷‍♀️

Also sorry if I've neglected some genres/artists (Like i've neglected non-piano classical pieces.... Bc ya girl is just a pianist), a person can't know everything😗

---Zali 🖤

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP Meme from Netflix's "A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room : Part One"

Woe is me. Woe is me.

The cry you're hearing is that of the broken-hearted crocodile. It is a rare species of reptile found in swampy regions that are particularly sad.

There is no reason for you to make yourself as miserable and melancholy as I am.

It had been a disaster. It had been a catastrophe.

It's ginger, I believe.

Well, this is perfect timing because I have just finished frosting this delicious coconut cream cake.

I don't like fancy titles unless they get me a discount at the movies.

Do you like going to the movies?

What is your favorite movie?

Would you like a piece of cake?

Well, that leaves one extra slice of cake.

I know. I'll eat it myself.

My screeching iguana clock does tend to startle some people. But then, so, of course, does the screeching iguana.

Frankly, that man ruffles my scales.

That is astonishing.

I can't believe your parents never told you about me.

I loved them dearly. Look, here's a picture of us.

Do you know what "herpetology" means?

Why, I'm so giddy having you here that I might as well be talking gibberish.

I am about to show you one of the most important scientific collections in the history of the world.

This door has been installed with top-of-the-line security system.

You can't get inside unless you have 19 keys, three combinations, two fingerprints and one optical scan.

Feel free to explore.

Can it really fly?

When it becomes absolutely overwhelming, it is useful to stop for a moment of contemplation, uh, with a cup of tea or some other powerful beverage.

Get the snake!

I told you we couldn't trust him.

You're laughing?

It's a misnomer. Do you know what that means?

Why would you give your own discovery the wrong name?

Payback for years of ridicule.

Are there any snakes in this room that are dangerous?

I have an entire cabinet full of venom samples from some of the most venomous snakes known to man. And woman.

The deepest secrets of the snake world can be found in these pages.

You are not only allowed, you are implored to read these books.

You know, I always wanted to have a family of my own.

Ah, thank you. I'm so grateful.

Well, I'm gonna go into town and pick up a few things that I like to keep in stock. Wasp repellent, canned peaches, a fireproof canoe.

What movie are we seeing?

I have a feeling there are many things that you're going to see that you've never heard of before.

Life is a conundrum of esoterica.

There we go. Come along.

Those hedges outside make up a labyrinth.

It's a mark of villainy.

Things aren't always as they seem.

Something strange is going on here.

You wouldn't dare.

Let's not discuss what I would or would not dare do.

Open this door!

We can't just stay here and wait for him to burst in and slaughter us.

He must have some scheme. I just don't know what it could be.

Well, that is an unusual and long-winded explanation.

Well, seems everything is settled, then.

Well, why don't you go upstairs and get yourself settled?

Are those suitcases alligator skin?

I really love reptiles

So, you see, there's nothing to be worried about.

I got all my shopping done and I even brought takeout for dinner.

I had no idea that our enemies would catch up to us so quickly.

It's clear now that I can't turn my back for a second.

He can wear as many lab coats as he wants, and present me with as many ridiculous papers as he wants, he's no more a lab assistant than I'm a three-mouth Brazilian waxed turtle.

A man that dastardly must be watched like a hawk.

That's all we're gonna do? Keep an eye on him?

I seem to have been very careless with the heavy glass reading lamp that was in my bedroom that fell out right when you were walking under it.

He wasn't being careless. He was being murderous.

I know what I'm doing.

I don't think I'll be joining tonight.

In all honesty, I prefer long-form television to the movies.

It's so much more convenient to consume entertainment

from the comfort of your own home.

Well, I insist you come.

I insist upon staying here.

With all due respect, I feel a little uncomfortable

I would like to make a brief phone call before we leave.

I don't know anything about mouth sores.

Oh! I love this song!

I just thought it might be nice to get out and see a movie.

I need more exciting things in my life. And I think it's because my life is boring.

I decided to treat myself to some popcorn because there is nothing exciting happening in my life at all.

Some popcorn actually sound delicious.

I get popcorn for me, for all of us. My treat.

Seventh row, right of center, that is the best place.

There's more to a movie than just a movie.

If the movie's in English, why are there English subtitles?

All the best movies have subtitles.

I'm watching the movie!

No! Where is your conscience?

You're a tasty treat

I promise this isn't goodbye.

Put on this warm scarf

You're blocking the screen!

Go that way.

I hope you didn't miss anything.

I think you-know-who is trying to send a you-know-what.

Is there anything else I should know?

You look handsome in that beard.

What did I miss?

Oh, boy, they're still singing.

I am going to need to excuse myself.

Pictures today. So violent.

Surely nothing can spoil this happy and festive occasion.

Well, that is where I shall bury you.

Things must be worse than we thought.

Well, wish me luck, old friend.

Whatever shall we do next?

It's been a long night and we have a very busy day tomorrow.

Did you enjoy the movie?

It was unusual.

Uh, it will require some further explanation.

I am your guardian.

It is my job and my delight, might I add, to keep you safe.

Do you think you can just waltz into my life, and the life of my children, and perpetuate this treachery?

You don't know my real name?

I don't need to know your real name.

Can you hear what they're saying?

You have found out my secret identity.

I've been outsmarted.

Now be gone.

I said be gone!

The authorities are on their way.

We are off to Peru.

It's a wonderful country

Well, once we disembark in Chimbote, you will have all the answers you need.

Well, it's a good thing I stocked up on peaches and canoes.

You never know when you might need to leave the country in a moment's notice.

First one to find one gets to name it.

We have a squidillion things to do tomorrow and a boat to catch.

[darkvolley]

Ah yes, my brand. Zemyx requested by both @nocturnalmelody and @squidsun

Who cooks normally?: Ienzo will cook the most since Demyx is, ya know, lazy. He's not very creative about it though. Demyx on the other hand, is interested in the finer points of the culinary arts, but he never has the motivation to actually do it. Also he's just naturally a bad cook so, it really is best to leave it to Ienzo, even if they don't end up with anything special or fancy to eat. It's better than food poisoning.

How often do they fight?: Eeeehh… so-so I'd say. Like, Demyx almost never starts a fight, but if Ienzo does then its because of something Demyx did or didn't do. Like if Demyx refuses to clean up a mess he made then Ienzo will pester him about it, which can get annoying, but like, really Demyx. Just clean up. It's not that hard.

What do they do when they're away from each other?: For Ienzo, he can talk Demyx's ear off, so while apart he just keeps a mental checklist of all the things he wants to tell Demyx once they see each other again. Sometimes the list can get really long. For Demyx, he goofs off more than usual. Ienzo is good at keeping him in line and Demyx actually likes doing things for Ienzo(if its not too much work), but when apart it's like that one meme thats like “My girlfriend is away so I'm gonna cut all the sleeves off my shirts.” “Why?” “Because she's 75% of my impulse control.”

Nicknames for each other?: Demyx still has a habit of calling him Zexion on occasion, just cuz its a hard habit to break so that ended up becoming a nickname. If he wants to be goofy, or actually genuinely romantic he'll call Ienzo things like “my sonata”, “dolce”, or “beautiful melody”. Ya know, musical terms. Ienzo doesn't really call Demyx anything other than his name, but he's been known to say “Dem” on occasion.

Who is more likely to pay for dinner?: You know Demyx would forget his wallet. So generally its usually Ienzo. If Demyx didn't forget then they'd both be equally likely to suggest paying. But the second Ienzo even slightly insists he should pay instead, then Demyx backs right off and let's Ienzo pay.

Who steals the covers at night?: It would be Demyx if Ienzo's whole body didn't make it difficult to do so. Ienzo definitely prefers to snuggle up with Demyx so focusing on that makes hogging the blanket a tough job.

What would they get each other for gifts?: Demyx is more of a home made gifts kinda guy. If his gift isn't playing a song and he wasn't lazy enough to do absolutely nothing then he'll turn a date into a gift. Like spending the whole afternoon together and making a whole bunch of new and wonderful memories together. He's gotten flak about it from the others, them saying a date doesn't count as a gift, but Ienzo certainly disagrees about that. There have been extremely rare occasions though where Demyx will get Ienzo a book he knows Ienzo was interested in, but that usually means getting help from others to find it. As for Ienzo, he's more into getting small gifts. He gets worried about Demyx's fingers from all the sitar playing so he mostly gets Demyx picks. Demyx prefers to play with his fingers instead, but he definitely loves his pick collection.

Who remembers things?: Demyx is so forgetful, it's always Ienzo remembering things. Demyx even knows how forgetful he is so he tells Ienzo to remind him and Ienzo never fails to do so. It gets annoying when Ienzo has to tell Demyx the same thing over and over again because of it. Although sometimes Ienzo can get so focused on research that he zones out everything else and forgets things himself. In a rare turn of events, Demyx is the one reminding him!

Who cusses more?: Demyx is more profane in public than Ienzo. He doesn't use big potty words, but he often says “damn”, “crap”, and “hell”. Ienzo is extremely polite in public, but when alone he'll easily mutter “fuck” under his breath any for any reason he deems worthy. Still, Demyx has the higher word count.

What would they do if the other one was hurt?: For a normal, small injury on Ienzo, Demyx would sorta overreact. Like whole “ohmigosh!” type freaking out with constant “Are you okay!? Is it okay!? You're not dying are you!? Oh my god he's dying!” The last part is either a joke or serious and the truth tends to alternate with each new injury Ienzo sustains. For a battle sustained injury to Ienzo, you know Demyx is finally gonna get serious for once in his life. He gonna be retaliating like he's from the Cave of Remembrance. (If it's Myde then he whipping out them mad Keyblade skills) For a normal, small injury on Demyx, Ienzo would be more bothered by Demyx making a big deal out of it. If it was an injury that actually hurt tho, then he'd definitely take over a nurse type role for Demyx. Making sure it got patched up just right and he doesn't do anything to make it worse. For a battle sustained injury to Demyx, without any powers now Ienzo would just protect Demyx by using his body as a shield. And now I'm sad :’(

Who kissed who first?: Ienzo kissed Demyx first. I'm a little hesitant to go into detail about it since I wanna put the scenario for it into something I write, but trust me, Ienzo working up the courage to kiss Demyx first is very, very good.

Who made the first move?: Ienzo got feelings for Demyx first. He was definitely shy about trying anything, but he at least put forth effort to strengthen their relationship, so technically Ienzo made the first move just by trying I'm a general sense.

Who started the relationship?: I feel Demyx would. Like, even after everything Ienzo would still be too nervous to outright ask Demyx if they could be together, so after falling for Ienzo, Demyx would take it upon himself to start the relationship by being the best boyfriend he could be.

I will now proceed to pass out cuz I can barely keep my eyes open.

[yangssunglasses]

Sasuke for character meme? Because you're right - I don't write about him, because I rarely go inside his head. So trying to get into the zone.

favorite thing about them - you think he’s so smart but he’s so DUMB. Impulsive. Edgy. But he grows out of it, somewhat. And through it all he’s still taciturn, broody, cool. Idk, Sasuke’s a whole package of issues, of good and bad in different proportions. He’s honestly really interesting, because he’s so complicated.

least favorite thing about them - that he’s constantly booted out of the village for bogus plot reasons, journeys of “redemption” for crimes we didn’t see him commit, and looking for bs aliens that are going to come there on their own anyway, because none of the writers can think of anything else to do with him. sigh

favorite line - “We were alone and starved for love. Kids that lived in the world full of hate.” - ch 699. This is a quote that showed us Sasuke’s inner poet and I really really like this aspect of him :)))

brOTP - Naruto and Kakashi… and Itachi on a good day

OTP - Sakura

nOTP - all his bros should stay bros

random headcanon - in modern AU he’d be a vet

unpopular opinion - dominant/possessive Sasuke is a fanon myth. It’s very fun though XD

song i associate with them - ok I love this question because I have several! Crawling by LP for genin Sasuke, Somewhat Damaged by NIN for avenger Sasuke, Conditions of My Parole by Puscifer for after war Sasuke

favorite picture of them - I don’t have one and only fav pic. He looks great on so many! This one is good (even better in context):

[inqorporeal]

Every even emoji prompt for the fanfic writers meme.

That's just cruel xD

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Basically any instance where Zohli tries bonding with people

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

Pretty much every cliffhanger.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

I like to try to incorporate different senses when describing settings; it's not just the appearance that matters but the smells and sounds and even the feeling of air on your face

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

After over five years of consistently writing -- nearly every day -- my skills have improved so much. Sometimes it might feel like I'm not trying hard enough or writing to the best of my ability, but then I look back at older parts and I can see so much improvement. Maybe it ate my life, but I'm glad it did!

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

Yep. When I'm on the train, it's whatever's on my mp3 player, but at home I can be more choosy. Lately it's been nu-synthwave like Essenger

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

Yeah, about a decade ago, I envisioned a frankly daunting project basically mapping the origins of the world of Eve Online. I still have literal notebooks full of planning and research, and fifty or so pages of actual writing. I scrapped it for a number of reasons, most of which I'm not at liberty to discuss, but I also fell out of interest in Eve after a while.

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

Other than a number of unfinished scraps for my FFXIV main, I think Passion & Providence is the sweetest, despite the drama and politics. It's intended to be primarily romance of the deeply emotional Sith variety.

🍆 Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?

Rarely. I don't think I'm very good at it. Of the two E-rated fics I've written, A Trooper's Guide to Lightsaber Maintenance is by far the more popular, but SWTOR OC fics are incredibly niche compared to CodyWan.

💖 What made you start writing?

In general, or writing fic? I've been writing original stuff since I was five and stealing little 8-page journals from kindergarten to create in at home. The first things I wrote that could be considered fanfic were entries in my gaming blog (I've put them on AO3, but since it's Eve Online, ymmv). Initially they were a way to explore the world's unwritten lore; later I was being paid in ingame currency to write serials for a fanzine. I still prefer writing things that fill in the content blanks.

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

There's a long list of things I will never write, but tropes are not among them. With enough effort, any trope can be worthwhile.

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

So much time researching. Sometimes I just need the name of a person, place, or thing; sometimes I need to know details of specific locations or canon history.

🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

Nope. I don't really do holidays.

🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

Love it. I don't get a lot, but the little I do get is fantastic <3

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

A bit of both. I have an outline of the major beats I want to hit, major events that need to happen, and then the space in the middle is fair game for seat-of-pants flying.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Don't worry about an audience, or if your stuff is any good. Write what you want to write, how you want to write it, and throw it out there, because the only way to improve is to keep writing. Also: do not ever ask for concrit from your readers when you're starting out -- find someone to be the kind of beta you need (every beta has a different approach, and make sure to communicate what you're looking for with them) and ignore everyone else's concrit. Even as an experienced writer I get unsolicited critique from people who seem to think I'm an impressionable high schooler who doesn't know that my stories don't need all that queer stuff, which is, of course, complete bollocks. The majority of concrit you will receive from readers is bad feedback issued in bad faith and not worth listening to.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

It's snowing again, fluffy clusters of flakes drifting like moulted feathers to stick and melt and re-freeze on the cracked pavement. A damp January wind slithers across your exposed cheeks, reeking of decay and low tide, and you tug your scarf a bit higher under your goggles. The sun is making a tactical withdrawal behind the underlit blockwork of mid-town Boston to the south-west, and the world begins to light up night-vision green around you as the mist rises.

"Check, Swear, what's the plan?"

You can just see the glowing tip of Calum’s imported cigarette from where he's gone to hold point; the scent of cloves hovers about like a gothic ghost. Your lip quirks in a smirk and you key your comms up. "You remember what happened the last time I came up with a plan?"

 "Nobody's spotted any manticores for months, sister."

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

Someone leaves a comment

📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

Technically I've had a writing career for a while, but it's been in terms of writing game content. I've been working towards finishing a couple novels for a few years; someday I want to try getting them published.

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Romance. I'm very aromantic and a lot of the standard romance tropes feel very "sounds fake but okay" to me.

💥 How do you feel about criticism?

Unless I'm actively requesting it, don't bother; if you're lucky, I'll ignore it, if you're unlucky I will write you an Enlgish or history lesson in the replies. As I said above, the majority of unsolicited crit I receive is people complaining about the queer content, and they can go get fucked imo. The work they're critiqueing was not written with them in mind as an audience.

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

All the time! My ask box is always open -- I just have anon turned off.

[letshavepunsoffun]

Tick 1-Is it alright to ask for a matchup? I'm a bisexual girl, about 5'8, short smooth brown hair, green/black/yellow/grey eyes (I have long bangs to hide them, don't like comments about them). Very pale. Freckles. Average weight, though I'm extremely selfconsious about my body, so I only wear baggy shirts and hoodies. Random stuff on my legs, bleh. I twitch and scratch/bite myself when I get nervous or deep in thought. I'm very shy and awkward to start off with, apologise a lot, rarely talk.

| Tick 2- I'm diagnosed with social anxiety and paranoid schizophrenia. When you get to know me, I am very obviously a person with a horrible sense of humor. Dark, morbid, sexual jokes. Puns for days. I like anime, horror movies, superheroes and (dank memes) videogames. I'm creative, I draw, sew and play guitar a little bit. I put myself down a lot, even though I know there's no reason to do so. Never really believe in the compliments I get, so I just answer 'okay' awkwardly.|| Tick 3- I'm very lazy, very impatient, very stubborn, extremely curious and very hard to anger. I'm a pretty open minded person. Brutally honest. I've never had a partner, hell, I've never held hands with anyone before, let alone kissed anyone, so I get flustered easily. I love christmas. Just sayin'. Ihavenomannersatall. I'm weird, random, and I have a lot of fears that I won't bother getting into 'cuz there's so many of them and they're all small n' pathetic, so I guess that's it! Thank you X3

Oh, sweetheart! You’re precious! Also, your fears aren’t small and pathetic. Everyone has something they’re afraid of. Don’t take shame in it. All you can do is work to overcome them. I pair you with Underfell Sans!Sans thinks you’re gorgeous. You’re taller than him, but that’s alright. You get to see him frustratedly struggle to reach your face when he gives you a kiss. ;) If you’re laying down together, he’ll often go for your hair. He’ll start braiding it and curling it around his fingers. It’s just so silky, he can’t resist the temptation of touching it. He stares at your eyes when you’re focused on something. He loves them. If you catch him staring, he’ll look surprised, then he’ll smirk and make some pun involving eyes.If he sees you hiding your eyes with your bangs, he’ll move your hair out of your face and tell you to stop doing that. One, because it’s dangerous to not see properly in the Underground. And two, because you’re too beautiful to hide behind your hair.He likes your pale complexion. Being bone, and very close to the color white, it just puts him in awe. Makes him feel “at home” and at the same time, it’s something new. Your skin is soft and it squishes when he pinches it. He thinks that’s amazing. Your freckles only add to his wonder. They’re like little specks of magic darting your body. Sometimes he’ll compare you to the night sky. The only difference being, he likes you a whole lot more. He’s not exactly the most well built skeleton in the Underground. So your weight doesn’t both him in the slightest. He’s actually surprised to find out that you’re self conscious. He didn’t think it was possible for someone so beautiful to doubt their body image. You can expect a lot of compliments while you two are at home. And while he doesn’t verbally give you compliments in public, he does shoot you a look that you’ve come to learn means, “You’re hot, babe.”He’s glad you two share a similar “fashion” sense. Comfy is great. Despite the reason why you wear those clothes, he’ll provide you with more. Mostly because he’s best at shopping for casual clothes. Though, he will encourage you to try on some other clothing types. Like dresses, or suits, or whatever kind of less-casual outfits you’re into. He won’t subject you to it, but he doesn’t consider enlisting the Boss’s help to find you a fancy outfit. He decided against that thought rather quickly, realizing you’d have to deal with someone who doesn’t understand low self esteem. He knows from personal experience that it can be taxing. So he’ll just let you build up confidence at your own speed.The moment he sees you biting yourself he’ll intervene. He doesn’t want you doing that. Nervous habits are fine, and some are cute, but he doesn’t think biting yourself is the best way to relieve anxiety. Even though he does it. So he’ll sit you down with him and make you relax. Then he’ll tease you about biting yourself. Kinda counter productive, but hey, he’s trying.When you apologize to him for no reason, he’s confused at first. Then he tells you to just stop, after you do it again. He says you don’t need to apologize so much. And if you keep doing it, he’ll tell you that it’s annoying and to knock it off. Really though, he just doesn’t want you to feel like you need to be sorry all the time. It kind of makes him sad to think you feel like you’ve done something wrong so often. He apologizes a lot too, so don’t feel too bad. You two can help each other out on this front.Sans has anxiety as well. Not social anxiety, and not paranoid schizophrenia. So he doesn’t understand what you’re going through completely, but he tries to. He’ll do his research and try his best to learn how to care for you and help you. When you start panicking over one of these things, he’ll be at your side immediately. If you’re in public, he shortcuts you both home. He just lets you breathe and cry, and do whatever you need to do in order to feel better. He doesn’t expect you to just get over these things. He knows that’s not how they work. So he’ll just have you stay home for the rest of the day, and the day after he’ll question if you’re okay or still on edge.He absolutely LOVES your sense of humor. It’s perfect for him. His humor is very similar. You two will make the Boss go into several rants about many different things. But hey. All in good fun, right?He likes horror movies, though superheros and video games are something the Boss is more interested in. He’ll probably sit and watch you and his brother go at it in some game, while he munches on a snack.Your creativity blows him away. He makes jokes about it, and sometimes they’re mean, but he’s not trying to hurt you. He just wants you to know that he acknowledges your creative mind. Anything you make, he loves. Drawings, sewing projects, songs... He can listen to you play the guitar for hours. And he’ll probably fall asleep while listening too.He gets frustrated when you don’t seem to take his compliments. He’ll stop giving them for a little bit, feeling discouraged. If you tell him why you don’t accept them very well, he’ll understand and go back to giving you compliments. To both tease you, and because he wants you to learn how to accept them. He’s a hypocrite. He can’t accept compliments either. He hardly ever gets them, so he has no idea what to do when people say something nice to him. So he does get your pain. He just doesn’t realize he gets it.He’s lazy and impatient too! Though he’s probably got you beat on the lazy thing. He’s too lazy to be stubborn. He can get curious too, though if he does, you’ll never find him snooping for information. Not that he doesn’t.... You just don’t find him doing it. If you’re hard to anger, maybe you can calm him down. He’s easily frustrated and can go into an angry fit quite easily. While he’s not as bad as Papyrus, he does have his moments. Your open mindedness will probably do you both well. He’s not close minded, however, he doesn’t often consider other possibilities or scenarios when he’s in a rage. You'll need to do that for him.He’s glad you’re honest. Brutal even. Because he is too-- unless he’s lying. He just thinks it’s easier that you two share this trait so you both can understand and expect similar responses to each other in a situation that needs honesty.He thinks it’s adorable when you get flustered, so he’ll tease you and try to make you get flustered as often as he can. It becomes a game to him. Don’t worry, you’ll get desensitized eventually.He doesn’t really care about holidays. So as long as you’re having fun with Christmas, he’s content. He might get a little annoyed by it all, and his anxiety might start acting up... But he’ll get through it. He likes seeing you happy during the holiday. Even if it means he has to participate.He has no manners either.He’ll probably make fun of all your fears. That’s what he did to Papyrus when they were kids. Papyrus pretty much grew out of all of those fears. Sans wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with him making fun of his brother, or if Papyrus was just awesome enough to overcome them on his own. He likes to think he helped. So even though he makes fun of you, he’ll try to help you get over your fears. He’ll also make sure Papyrus doesn’t get word about them. Because if Papyrus knew, he’d probably lock you in a room filled with what ever it is you’re afraid of until you claimed you weren’t afraid anymore. Sans would rather that not happen. Both for your sanity, and his conscious.Awww! I ship it!