#and yes she's very underweight right now :(

[knifegremliin]

baby baby girl so small.... her name is lindsey atm, but that's definitely gonna change, we just have No Idea what to change it to lol

[bedoballoons]

GENSHIN BOYS WITH A FEM!THIN/UNDERWEIGHT READER???? ive always been rlly thin, so it’s not eating disorder related just a scrawny fem!reader

OOOOOO OKIE!! I've always been thicker myself so I hope I wrote this well! Thank you for your request and I hope you enjoy the characters I picked!!

─⊰💕𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤💕⊰─

{༻~Scrawny and cute~༺}

CW: Fem! Reader described as being very thin!, fluffy and sweet!

A/n: First time writing Gaming!! EEE so excited!! Hope I did him justice!!

(Includes: Lyney, Gaming, and Venti!)

𑁍༄Lyney:

You tried to stay perfectly still as Lynette measured you...how had you gotten in this position? You weren't really sure, all you knew was that Lyney was special ordering you a outfit for his next show and he'd asked his sister to measure you, only she seemed a little perplexed with the results. "You're eating right? You make sure to have three meals a day? Maybe even some snacks?"

You raised a eyebrow at her, "Yes of course. Why do you ask?"

She paused for a second, her features not giving any hint to what she was feeling, "Your measurements are just very small, for a second I was worried you might need to eat more."

"Nope, I was actually worried about that at first as well, but I always make food and she eats it. She's just naturally thin, which is exactly why I'm thinking you'll be perfect for the trick I have in mind...if that's alright of course?"

You and Lynette turned your attention to Lyney as he walked up to you, his eyes sparkling with inspiration as you contemplated his request. "Hmm do I get a kiss after the show?"

"As if you wouldn't mon amour~"

𑁍༄Gaming:

"Woah here let me get that for ya!"

"Watch your step, don't want you to fall!"

"Get to safety I'll take care of them!"

You'd heard them a few to many times lately, you knew Gaming was only looking out for you, he was a caring guy and he truly just wanted to make sure you were okay all the time...even if he was being a little to...over protective. Yes you were a bit scrawnier than he was...his claymore probably weighed more then you did, but that didn't mean he had to do everything for you..., "Hey Gaming? You know you don't have to do all that stuff for me right? I can do it just fine I swea-"

"Oh I have no doubts you could, I just figured when I'm with you, you shouldn't have to. Hmm how do I put this...you're one of the most precious things to me, so I want to take care of you." He scratched the back of his neck, a blush creeping onto his cheeks, "Maybe I was over doing it though...sorry. Promise i'll remember that for next time, for now lets enjoy some dim sum!"

𑁍༄Venti:

Venti wrapped his arms around your waist tightly and rested his chin on your shoulder, watching as ran your fingers over the details engraved in his lyre. He'd been teaching you how to play little by little everyday and now you could almost strum a whole song...but it still just didn't sound as good as when he played it, "Venti do you think one day my music will induce feelings like yours does? I want to play you a melody that leaves you feeling calm and happy, just like you do to me."

He smiled softly and kissed your cheek, his embrace growing slightly tighter around your slim waist, "I think one day you will make music that leaves everyone feeling calm and free, you have talent and a beauty even crystal flies would be jealous of."

You felt your cheeks heat up at his words and butterflies fill your stomach...one day. One day you'd play him a tune that explained every feeling just right and then when he held you tightly after, chuckling happily and making a joke about how he hopes he doesn't break you with his hugs...you'd tell him just how much you loved him and it would be the most perfect of days.

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚~Have a nice day!~*⁠.⁠✧

[celuere]

hiiiii

I AM SO ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH YOUR WRITING OMG

First time requesting something on tumblr, but if its okay, could you maybe write about reader being insecure of their (more curvy/chubby?) body and arle reassuring reader?? Nsft? I thought of something in the direction of body worship ...idk its really up to you :D hope that's okay

Hi so before I get to writing, I just wanna say that I only have experience with body dysmorphia and insecurities when it comes to being underweight, so I really hope I still hit this one on the nail, I hope nothing I‘ll be writing is offensive, if so please tell me! <3 ALSO TYSM FOR UR KIND ANON ILY SOB

BUT UUHHHHWJSBEBSNENW YES the way she wouldn’t care about her partners weight gain or loss I just- I’m so gone for her.

pairing: Arlecchino x wife!reader

context: anon request!

cw: body dysmorphia, insecurity, mirror sex, fingering, body worship, arle being a goner

I‘m btw huge ass when it comes to explaining clothes I AM SORRY😭

NSFW utc, MDNI!

With a heavy heart you stepped off of the scale. Not daring to stare at your own reflection in the mirror to your right, it‘s worse enough that you were only standing in your underwear in the middle of your bedroom.

You gained some weight again since last week. Even with the strict diet you forced yourself into, nothing changed. You even stopped exposing yourself around your husband, let alone wear clothes that highlight your body. What would she possibly think about you? Would she be ashamed to let you stay by her side this evening?

There was an upcoming charity event tonight that you were supposed to get ready for. All Harbingers and high tiers of the Fatui alike will be present, along with representatives of Teyvat’s other six nations. Even the Tsaritsa herself.

Worries of all kinds were filling up your head, so many of them that you didn’t even notice your beloved entering the bedroom and just simply… being mesmerized by the sight.

„You look breathtaking.“

That caused you to lift your head up to look at her. The words leaving her mouth sounded fake to you. What in the world could she possibly find breathtaking when you couldn’t even stand the sight of your own reflection?

Your husband looked as beautiful to you as ever. She was wearing not one of her usual suits but her formal Harbinger attire like always. With the exception of a white tuxedo closing around her waist, a brooch with the coat of arms of the Fatui resting on her chest.

She looked beyond handsome to put it mild, a strong contradiction to how you were currently feeling.

And suddenly you felt so unbelievably uncomfortable in your skin. Her eyes prying up and down over your exposed body only adding to your unease. Not wanting her to stare any longer at her, you crossed your arms over your stomach.

„Very funny.“, the tears began to stung in your eyes. How could she say that when the truth was so obvious? You didn’t even know what to possibly wear tonight that looks halfway decent on you.

„Funny? Dearest, I didn’t intend it to come over as some sort of joke.“, Arlecchino now narrowed her eyes, obviously confused by your harsh tone. What were you talking about? Right now you were the most beautiful sight to her in all existence. A supernova amidst a dark void. A blooming flower field in the middle of a dry grassland. She had no idea why you would come up with such a… grotesque idea. You will never be a joke to her. Not when she wakes up next to you everyday only to study your facial features for a good 20 minutes before getting out of bed. Not when you‘re laying moaning underneath her with her strap-on buried inside of you.

„Please, Peruere- just…“, you sighed, the tears building up in the corner of your eyes now evident, „just how can you stand the sight of me? How can you look at this and still want me by your side?“, the soft sobs leaving your lips were more than enough for her to be by your side in an instant, taking your face into her cursed hands and making you look up to her as the tears rolled over her fingers.

„Sweetness, would you care to enlighten me?“, her tone was serious but not harsh. She genuinely cared about whatever was running through your mind. Her hands gently uncovered your tummy that was hiding behind your arms.

You couldn’t help but feel a blush form on your cheeks at her simple gesture, your body growing overly hot, „I just don’t feel pretty enough… especially not for you… just…“, you breathed out a heavy sigh, „Just look at me…“.

Silence filled the room for a few moments, the wheels in your husband’s head turning and turning as she processed your answer.

Did you think you were unattractive?

And suddenly you were turned around to face the mirror next to you without another word. Your husband‘s hands caressing your shoulders as she held the contact with your eyes through the reflection. And she didn’t look very pleased.

„I am looking at you. In fact, I’ve been looking at you almost every day for the past five years and I can’t even fathom what you could possibly be talking about.“, you could feel her hot breath against you ear as her hand slowly ran down your arms, the wedding ring on her right hand cold against your skin despite all odds.

„This sight has grazed my mind and very soul for ages now and you dare question that? If I one day happen to even show the slightest bit of distaste towards your very beautiful, very mesmerizing body, you might as well kill me with your own two hands, my love.“, and she was not joking. Not even the slightest hint of amusement in her voice. She was dead serious with you.

„Arle… I genuinely don’t see it…“, quickly wiping your tears away before you attempted to cover up the sight of your stomach once again. This time your arms were caught by two strong hands.

„Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare hide yourself away from me or ever feel like you have to be ashamed in front of me.“, her hands got a hold of your belly, thumbs stroking gently circles over your skin, „I didn’t marry you out of convenience or any other ill motive. I married you because I love you from the deepest depths of my heart. And that doesn’t only include your lovely personality.“, and now she gave your tummy a gentle squeeze, peppering a soft kiss behind your ear as she did so.

„You could gain weight, loose weight or even a body part and I would still pluck the stars out of the sky and arrange them in a bouquet if you asked me to. And besides…“, a sharp gasp left your lips as one hand slipped into your panties as the other one grazed your chubby body frame, „more on you means for me touch… kiss…“, a pair of hot lips pressed themself against your neck, „love… mark… All I can see are benefits to me…“.

Biting your lower lip as you felt her fingers ghosting over your aching clit, you looked down to where her hand disappeared in your underwear, „That is… nice to hear… but I still don’t feel like it…“, with that sentence you also now looked completely away from your reflection.

A mistake you realized too late as the feeling of your husband‘s hand disappeared on your stomach only to feel her hand grabbing onto your chin and move it back to look straight ahead.

„If you could only see yourself through my eyes…“, she now rested her chin on your shoulder, the pain in her voice cutting into your heart like a knife. It pained her to see her wife in such a state. Thinking she is undeserving of love and affection when it’s all she ever wants to give you until the end of time and beyond.

„You are beautiful, ma Cherie. So beautiful it makes my heart ache whenever I take a look at you, no matter what you are wearing in this moment. Be it naked, in underwear or fully clothed. No sight to me is more precious than the one of my wife.“, she didn’t hesitate before gently pushing two clipped digits inside your already leaking pussy.

„And I‘m going to stand here with you all night if that’s what takes for you to finally see that.“, Arlecchino shoved her fingers deeper and deeper until she was knuckles deep buried inside you, her hand long having left your face to wrap her arms around you for steadiness.

„Ah… But we‘re going to be late for the chari-”

„To hell with such insignificant things.“, the curl of her fingers was enough to shut you up, „you will always be my first priority. No matter the occasion. The world could go up in flames right now and all I would possibly think about is you.“.

As her fingertips found that gummy spot inside of you, your legs were quickly reduced to nothing but jelly, the mere strength of your husband was all that kept your upright, „You are such a pretty girl, darling. Look at how well you are taking my fingers. How beautiful you look when being pleasured.“.

You could only answer her with such a sweet moan that could melt the whole of Snezhnaya‘s icebergs, your pretty eyes not daring to leave the mirror incase she decides to stop her pleasuring movements as punishment.

„Just like that, my pretty bird. Goodness me, you sing so beautiful with my fingers stuffing your pretty pussy, don’t you agree…?“, thrusting her fingers now at a delicate pace in and out of you, you nodded your head to her question and you meant it. You did think about how great you looked right now with your husband taking care of you in front of a mirror, the event already long forgotten.

„Doll… I want to hear you say it.“, another harsh curl of her fingers had your saliva run down the corner of your lips.

„S-Say what…?“, the words coming at as nothing but a breathy whisper, your mind being too occupied with how well her fingers massaged your insides. Goodness, she way way too good at this.

„Tell yourself how beautiful you are. I want to hear you say it, even if it takes us all night.“, her tone left exactly 0 room for negotiations. My, my she really means it, does she?

You hesitated for a short moment before the words started falling from your mouth with ease, „I-I‘m beautiful… hah…. I‘m so beautiful…“, earning yourself a few kisses against your cheek, Arlecchino spared no efforts in rewarding you greatly as she spread her fingers inside of you.

„That‘s my woman. Was that so hard now? It seemed rather easy for you, if I am allowed to say.“, and when you felt a rush of adrenaline through your spine as you broke apart over her fingers with an agonizing moan, you might as well entered the gates of Heaven.

„There, there. That looked like it felt good.“, your husband cooed right into your ear as her movements slowly came to a halt and she now completely retreated her hand from your slip, „Are you feeling better now, my dear?“.

„Mhm… a lot better… Thanks to you, love…“, you allowed her to sit you down on the edge of the bad, her lips pressing a soft kiss on top of your head. Celestia, you were so precious to her. Lord and behold if something ever happened to you. Teyvat would not see the end of it.

„That fills me with joy, my love. I‘m glad I could be of help…“, another kisses was pressed against your forehead, then nose until her lips finally met yours. Soft hands cupping your face and rubbing her thumbs over your soft cheeks.

„Now… let me choose a fitting attire for the evening, alright?“, when her back turned to you after giving you one last soft kiss, you asked yourself one question as you watched her look through your various dresses.

Is Celestia really such a cruel individual if she threw you into your husband‘s arms?

cat + hatsune miku sweater. That’s it. That’s todays quote.

[deadmomjokes]

D-

D-?

Dog??

DOG!

This is Rosie. By pure divine providence/luckiest coincidence, the day after we were mourning getting ghosted by a dog we were going to meet, we checked our local shelter and found The Perfect Girl.

She's two-ish years old, according to her former owner, but there's not a ton we can trust from what they reported. According to the shelter, the former owner is an overpopulated backyard breeder/puppy mill they're working with to try and get them to surrender the dogs of their own volition so it doesn't get tied up in court forever. So far, they've been dropping dogs off piecemeal, and Rosie was one of them.

In theory she's a Maltese, though she came to the shelter as one big mat so they had to shave her. Underneath the mats, they found that she was very underweight--about a 2 on the body condition scale. She doesn't really know how to do walk on a leash, knows no commands, doesn't know how to play, and is scared of basically everything, from the noise of cicadas outside to dark windows and doors.

But we knew she was Our Dog the moment my daughter walked in front of the kennel. Rosie went from cowering in a corner to licking the door trying to get to her. When the worker brought us outside to a meet and greet area, Rosie came right over to our daughter and put herself in her lap. Then she demanded scritches from my husband and I. Apparently this was the first time Rosie had willingly interacted with a person, including shelter staff. That was that, of course; had to be done. That's our dog. Mostly my daughter's dog. Rosie may like the size and squishiness of mine and my husband's laps for cuddles, but the Bean is her person.

She's slowly getting used to life outside of both the shelter and a very crowded environment, and the bigness and quietness make her nervous. She doesn't like being alone, and insists on touching us any time we sit still. She's very bony, and it's hard for her to find comfy places to be. She's scared of the stairs, but also hates the picking-up part of being carried. (She'll accept it and come ask for a ride after staring morosely at the stairs and deciding that uppies are the lesser of two evils.) She just got spayed, so she's not feeling her best. There's the zero-training thing, of course, and the unfortunate gastric consequences of so much change all at once. So it's going to be a tough transition period for all of us, and a lot of work over a long time.

But we already love her to death, and we're starting to see some of her personality come through already.

She loves blankies, the fuzzier the better. When she's not coned, she will aggressively resituate the blankie with mouth and all four limbs until she makes a perfect little volcano to snuggle into. The goal and, it seems, necessity is now a blankie in every room for her to nest up in, that way we don't have to keep carrying her current ones around every time we change rooms.

She prefers being outside to being inside, and would gladly sit out in the yard all day if we let her. (Alas, it is not fully fenced, and she's so naked she would be eaten alive by mosquitos and burnt to a crisp by the sun.)

Transition points confuse her just a little bit, so she does a cute little skip-hop over door thresholds and surface texture changes. She's always incredibly proud of herself after doing so, even if she assumes we're not looking. She just likes doing her little dance.

She prefers to either tuck right up against your butt, or to perch as close to your shoulder as possible--there is no in between.

She was very pleased with herself that she got her bony lil butt precisely on my shoulder there.

And yes, my dog is wearing a sweater in the dead heat of the summer, she's very naked and very skinny and has exactly zero cold tolerance for air conditioning.

Welcome to the fam, Rosie! Your life may not have been the best before now, but now you can live your best life forever.

[jungle-angel]

The Weight Game (Rhett Abbott x Reader)

Summary: Your boys need some help and thank God for Rhett and his strange ideas

Warnings: Breastfeeding, mentions of birth, mentions of pregnancy etc.

"Alright little guy," Rhett said, carefully removing Tanner's carseat from the back of the truck. "You're up first."

Rhett zipped up the cloth canopy shield on Tanner's carseat before carrying him across the snowy parking lot and into the walk-in clinic. As soon as he had checked in and waited for what felt like forever, Rhett was called in by the nurse.

"Alright Rhett, what brings ye in now?" asked Maryetta Maguire, the quick-witted Scotch-Irish nurse.

"M'boys just need to get looked at, that's all," he replied.

"Ah lemme guess," Maryetta said. "(Y/N) had a home-birth?"

"Yep," Rhett replied. "Twin boys born Thursday night."

"Aye and the seventh o' December no doubt," Maryetta answered as Rhett very carefully removed Tanner from the carseat. "Looks like yer mum's handwork too, I'd say."

"Yeah and I helped catch'em both on the way out," Rhett chuckled.

Very carefully he placed Tanner on the exam table so Maryetta could have a look at him, the little one wriggling and waking just a little as she unbuttoned the front of Tanner's little blue pjs. Rhett gently stroked his son's hair as the nurse listened to Tanner's heart and lungs.

"Aw m'goodness, strong like his daddy ain't he?" Maryetta chuckled.

Rhett couldn't help but laugh.

Everything had gone well including his shots but it took Rhett everything in his power not to cry as Tanner howled from the needle-prick. As soon as he had calmed down, the nurse took his weight but that was where she had looked a little concerned.

"Definitely a bit underweight," she noted. "Has Cecelia got their birth weights recorded?"

"Yeah she wrote it down as soon as they were born," Rhett answered.

"Well," Maryetta replied. "As soon as I see the other one, I'll tell ye what the best bet is."

As soon as everything had been completed, Rhett loaded Tanner up into the truck and headed for home. Sure enough, when he had brought Tatum the next day, the same thing was found.

"I don't get it," Rhett said as he helped both boys latch onto you to feed. "These two are attached to your boobies every two hours and suckin back milk like it's goin outta style."

"Yeah you would think they'd be at least twenty pounds by now," you laughed.

Rhett scratched his head. "I dunno (y/n), we've gotta think of something," he said.

"Rhett," you told him. "They'll get there, it's just gonna take time."

You and Rhett watched the boys but still, they didn't put on any weight at all. Even Cecelia had grown a little concerned the more she watched them.

"Not sure what else we can do Ma," Rhett said as he dragged the newly cut Christmas tree up the back steps through the snow.

"I dunno either sweetie," she said. "If they were big enough I'd just as sooner have'em go out to the barn and get the milk right from the cow."

Rhett scrunched his eyebrows together. "Wait say that again?"

"I said I'd just as sooner have'em go to the barn and get the milk straight from the cow," Cecelia repeated.

"Ok one more time, but slower."

"Rhett James!" Cecelia barked.

Rhett laughed which earned him a sound smack on the shoulder from his mother.

"No in all seriousness though Ma, remember when (y/n) and I brought Amy home after she was born?" he asked.

"Yeah why?"

"She didn't gain an ounce even while (y/n) was on the meds that were able to let her feed," Rhett explained.

"What's your point Rhett?" Cecelia asked him.

"The point is," Rhett told her. "We gave her the cow milk along with it and BOOM! She shoots up like a weed."

Cecelia's eyes went a little wide, her eyebrows raising at her son's idea. "Well," she said. "I always told your father, there's no use in an experiment if we don't try."

And Rhett did exactly that. As soon as the Christmas tree had been brought into the house and Royal and Cecelia were standing it up in the living room, he grabbed a clean bucket and went straight to the barn to milk Abigail.

Rhett sang to himself while he worked away in the chilly barn, reminding himself that later in the night, the woodstove would need to be lit. Abigail's two little calves wandered over to sniff at Rhett, their black and white hides soft as ever as he kissed their heads and scratched their ears.

Back into the house he went with the full milk bucket, dumping it in a large pot that Cecelia typically saved for corn and potatoes. He let it boil for a good half hour before dumping the contents into several gallon jugs and just a little bit into two bottles for Tatum and Tanner.

"Alright darlin," Rhett said when he entered your shared bedroom. "Either of'em hungry?"

"Tatum is," you answered, tucking Tanner back into the crib at the foot of your bed.

Rhett took Tatum and sat with him in the rocker, the tiny little one sucking back the milk as though he hadn't eaten in forever. You couldn't help but blush when you saw the soft smile on Rhett's face, a flush of heat running all through your body as he gently fed the tiny little baby that was so near and dear to you both.

Sure enough, just a few days before Christmas, the boys slowly, but surely, get to where they need to be and you and Rhett couldn't have been prouder that your hard work and a little experiment finally paid off.

[thecatcrew]

This post contains a ✨SPECIAL SURPRISE✨, but first STORYTIMEEE!!

See this pretty little lady? This is Tyla, she is an outdoor cat who’s been coming to our house since early last year.

She had a litter of babies, and we would feed them any time they came by, however only one made it and that’s that beautiful orange baby boy you see right next to her I had named 🧡✨Tangerine🧡✨

Tangerine grew up to be a beautifullllll orange tabby and i fell in love. I feel like Tyla and I bonded, because she let me pet her & she brought her babies to our house. But it was Tangerine who I REALLY bonded with, he let me pick him up (for a short period of time), pet him, kiss him, put him in my lap, and we took selfies together. My brother and I tried SEVERAL times to bring him inside, but he showed us every time that he wanted to stay outside with his mother, and she did not want to be an indoor cat either. So I told myself he’d just be my outdoor baby and I’d take care of him to the best of my abilities for as long as he lived.

Unfortunately, something happened to my sweet baby Tangerine back in June (I don’t want to get into the details), and he’s no longer with us. I cried SO hard, because even though I know I tried my best to take care of him, I still feel like it’s my fault he’s not here anymore. That’s why I had stopped posting him for awhile.

Now on to some bittersweet news, Tyla had another set of kittens and just like with Tangerine, only one of them made it. It was an adorable baby tuxedo and we decided to name her Mittens. I originally tried not to get emotional attached to her after what happened to her big brother Tangerine, but my mother decided to save her. Mittens had a bad cough and was underweight when we caught her, so my mom saved up some money to take her to the vet, we got her medicine and she got much better and was eating normally again.

We just got her 1st set of shots yesterday and she’s finally in the house with the rest of the cats (she was in the laundry room at first). I thought my mom caught her so she would be HER cat, because she has a VERY soft spot for black cats. But this morning she told me that I can have her because she knows I would want to take care of Tangerine’s little sister. (Yes, I cried)

Soooo, SURPRISE! Introducing our newest member of the cat crew, 🐾✨MITTENS THE KITTEN✨🐾

[thefemcelthatdeservesbetter]

I like adult men

I think adults are the only people that seem remotely interested in me. I think it's kind of pathetic but it's better than nothing. It doesn't bother me because men are usually really sweet to me. However I think I'm too stupid for them. When I first talked with one, I was hesitant and I refused dating him despite how kind he was. I should've said yes. I've only talked to a few so far, but it's too bad i get blocked only because I answered late. It wasn't my fault, it was exam week for me. Maybe I should've acted more interested. When I chat with them, I'm always a little nervous, I'm not really bold. So when we stop talking, I regret many things. I think about all the things I could've said, all the things we could've talked about.

Sometimes I feel almost like a whore for liking the attention. But now that I think about it I think it's justified, all the other girls have attention from boys and girls their age, which I don't. So it's only fair, no? I don't see why I'd be called a whore only because they happen to be luckier than me. Actually,no, it is unfair. I should be getting way more than that. Everyone's having fun but me. It's summer, I should be having fun. When I tell my sisters that, they tell me I should hang out with my friends. I don't have friends. I only have one and she's in the countryside right now. Someone sent me a text message saying "born to rot in bed, forced to go to the beach". Shouldn't they be grateful? What's the hype with rotting in bed? I hate it. Even if I don't go out, I like walking around the house so I don't get too stiff.

I want to go to the beach too. It's been years since I haven't bought a swimsuit. I'll ask my mom if we could buy one.

I'm jealous of them. Other girls, I mean. They look very good in swimsuits. I look like a stick. I need to gain weight. I'm currently underweight, I want to gain 5 or more kilos. Perhaps it can also increase my bust size. It's UNFAIR!!!!! This world is so unfair. I think girls with large assets are whores. I hate them!!!

I shouldn't be living like this, what is wrong with me !!!!!! I don't understand what other kids have that I don't, why do they get friends so easily and so quickly. I don't understand why they stick together while I get abandoned every time I try trusting someone.

I'm bored

I have nothing to do

When I think about it I barely talk to my best friend too. I like her very much! Really. But I can't help but feel jealous of her. She's really pretty, really cool. I don't even know why she's friend with me. Every time she comes to see me after school, people that don't even know her say hi to her or compliment her. That boy "friend" I have that I got mad at texts her a lot, at some point he even had a crush on her. She has so many friends, and I know I'm not the one she likes the most, but I have to be grateful she even considers me her friend. She's younger than me too! She had so many boyfriends, so many friends. I know she struggles a lot, has issues with her parents and mental disorders but it doesn't matter. Because boys don't care about it at all. As long as her face is pretty and her body curvy, the rest is futile, they can "endure" or ignore it.

I don't understand how people's mind work at all, they're weird as fuck. Or maybe I'm just retarded. It's sort of pathetic

I wish I could be different

I wish I wasn't real, I wish the world could be blind

Sometimes people online think I'm cool, rarely, but they still do.

My two "friends" at school tell me I'm "worldwide" because I've interacted with people from overseas online. I think they mean that I'm a player or something. It's so wrong. Are they stupid? They only say that because that's all I talk about. Because other than the internet, I have no life. And most of those interactions didn't last long. Even online, people get bored of me. While I've seen one of those two boys has thousands of girls in his DMS that he barely talks of. Unlike him I don't try to flirt with anyone I know.

I'm so bored.

I hate everyone that's having fun right now. I hate women. I hate popular boys. I hate older teens. I hate teens. I hate babies. I hate boys' standards. I hate social butterflies. I hate my school. I hate my classmates. I hate even myself. I hate my dad. I hate summer. I hate seeing people smile. I hate female manipulators. I hate whores. I hate uhh to be bored. I hate everything. I hate how unfair life is. I hope I wake up tomorrow to see that everyone has disappeared!!!!

[realtasuantrai]

this is a big headcanon post, so it's under the cut.

to start off with, my interpretation of cu chulainn takes from both his mythology and the fate series' interpretations of him along with headcanoning out some things i do not agree with.

if he gets angry, things will either burn or get scorched depending on how angry he is. when he learned of the right of first night, he burned the cushions he was sitting on because that's his wife, you fuck, you aren't getting the first night with her- he melted snow within a 30-foot radius of him because he was pissed off. generally keeps his temper under control because explaining that he's literally going to burn things if he gets angry is difficult.

he's not as underweight as he's put down as in canon. he's more around 90kg due to the amount of muscle he has, because you do not go through scáthach's hell training and come out looking like a stick.

his facial features show that he isn't quite human himself, given to his heritage as lugh's son (and a demigod). cu is classified as "dragon in human skin" because his features do look vaguely draconic in nature. he has sharper canines, smoking is "akin to breathing actual fire" and isn't a detriment to him as his lungs are made for it, his muscles are much more bulkier than a normal human's, he has claws instead of just regular nails (which he is very careful with) and his sight is more than excellent.

also, in terms of what i've headcanoned out/edited due to my own preferences of his legends:

cu's relationship with fand. she and another fae, when he hit them, made him extremely ill and then whipped him half to death. he didn't fall for her because he'd been literally made ill by her for an accident (as i do believe he would've listened to emer instead of attacking the strange birds. there's reasons she tells him not to do things, he'd be stupid not to listen to her unless it's direct orders from the king) and beaten to near death. if there was anything between them, it was magically induced and not actually cu's feelings for her. i don't follow the actual lore behind this because i find it ridiculous and stupid he'd fall for the same person that nearly killed him.

yes, cu did sleep around. that i will not deny. however he held no feelings for anyone other than emer. he treats women with the utmost respect and care because they are equals to him. though he held emer in the highest regards, as she was his first and only love. she's the light of his life, his entire world. and he only ever loved her.*

he is absolutely traumatized by the fact an entire training battalion was slaughtered by Medb when he was in a magical three-day sleep after being awake for months to fight her armies thanks to lugh. he regrets being unable to fight and make sure that they didn't die, and holds himself responsible for their deaths.

cu did not have a son by aife. he was made to believe connla was his son, but he was not. i don't care what lore says, that didn't happen for my cu.

*in regards to rps, cu still holds lingering feelings for emer but he knows the dead can't come back to life. it allows him to "move on", essentially, but she's a vital part of his life that he'll share with anyone he falls in love with.... but he'll treat them with the same respect and care he would give emer if she were still alive.

so yeah. this is a literal full thing about my headcanons for cu. i don't really like... remember the rest of them right off the top of my head so i might make other hc posts about him later down the line. but for now, this is the comprehensive list of "rea doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, but is doing his best."

[dino-boyo-agere]

This amazing art piece of my human OCs was made by @littledinosaursposts!!

It's the first ever art piece of these OC's, that are incredibly important to me & I'm absolutely in love with it!! <3

So, thank you again for bringing them to life!

I've been planning on telling y'all about them for a while, but it's so much lore and some of it is a little dark.. uh.. so anyways, here is a "tiny" summary..

Who is who on the picture:

Frank is the tall black man sitting on the floor, he is Chrisses best friend and future husband. In his lab is sitting Nate (yes, I choose the same name for me lols) . On the couch are sitting Nate's big Brother, Chris and Riv, who is Frank's child and Nate's best friend.

About the characters:

Frank - A 25 yo black man and single father of River (Riv). He became a dad at the age of 16, took full custody and raised his kid with the help of his mum. Rivs mother always wanted to be a career woman and Frank always wanted to have children. Frank is now a preschool teacher and LOVES children so much. He's autistic and likes how honest and direct they are, he is very good with children. He calls his kid "Muffin", Nate "pipsqueak" / "Pip" and Chris "Chrissy"/ "Love". He's an absolute rock for Chris and never fails to support him. He knows exactly how to handle a traumatized kid like Nate, since he was a child psychiatrist for a while.

Riv - is 8, goes by they/ them pronouns. Riv loves heavy metal and spending time with their dad. Together they often play video games, DnD or make music (Riv plays the drums and Frank the guitar, bass or piano.) Riv has a hard time connecting with their peers, they are also autistic. Frank did a really good job raising a very intelligent kid, emotionally and generally. Riv knows exactly what they want and are really good at communicating their needs. They share a lot of interests with Chris and the both of them often enjoy horror media or metal music, while Nate and Frank partake in calmer activities, like crafting. Nate is Rivs best friend and "sibby". Even though Riv is bodily younger, they feel like a big sibling, since Nate is permanently regressed and mostly stuck at ca. age 5.

Chris is the big (half) brother of Nate, he took his sibling in after the police removed him from the house of their father. He didn't know the kid existed, no one did (more of that later). He's 26 and trying his best to take care of this deeply traumatized kid. Frank is his neighbor and best friend.. and even though he thought he was straight, he's beginning to realize that he has a huge crush on him. Chris is very loving but a bit overbearing and overly cautious & overprotective with Nate. But Frank is pretty good at grounding him. Chris is trying his best at raising his traumatized sibling.

Nate - ❗Tw - mention of abüse & deäth❗ The police found him chained up in the basement when looking for drugs at the father's house. Any type of abuse one can imagine, he had to go through. His mother was found after he told the police "she sleep in roses." Her body was buried under a rose bush.❗Tw over❗

His left arm is amputated under the elbow and he has many scars. He's still a little underweight, but he's getting better. Nate is intersex and his gender is ambiguous. He has no construct of gender, so he doesn't care what pronouns ppl use for him. The kid has heterochromia, with his right eye the same shade of blue like his brothers eyes, and the left one a turquoise. He also got the same blue streak his Chris has, bc he wants to be like him. He is permaregressed, with his age moving between 3 and 13, depending on the day and possible triggers, tough he's mostly stuck at about 5. He's semi verbal and has selective mutism. His bio age is unknown, since there is no birth certificate. He loves his brother, he calls him "Kiss" because he has trouble pronouncing the name Chris and he calls Frank "Dad" because he keeps hearing his bestie Riv call him that. Nate is obsessed with dinosaurs and the kid would drop everything and anything for an apple.. he loves apples so much. That's because when he was found by the police, one of them gave him some apple slices, that was the first time Nate ever tasted anything sweet.

[yesyourstalker]

Neta:.....................

Ikkan: you want me to ring the doorbell?

Neta:....uhh.... No... You know what let's go home. This was a mistake..... I can't do this...

Ikkan: Neta!

Neta: Ok! Ok...*sigh*........... Just give me a second...... I need to psych myself up ........ Mk........ Alright.... I'm ready.... Ok let's-.......... Uh

Kat: [hug]................ I have a camera doorbell you don't need to ring it sweetie.....

Neta:...........Hi Aunt K.....*sniff*..... It's been a while

_______________________________________________

Kat: oh!! Neta! It's been years!!! look at you!!!.... You finally cut your tentacles! You're actually wearing sensible clothes..... Uh your glasses!! You know how many times I told you to start wearing your glasses and you never listen to me what made you change your mind

Neta: words just started to get a little bit blurry especially the nutrition labels I don't understand why they make them so small. I can't even see the sugar-

Kat: what is that on your neck?

Neta:...... It's a tattoo......Not this again

Katie: what in the world? What is it supposed to be? Tentacles?

Neta: it's a kraken.......... Hold up... Ugh................... Mmmm........... See it's a kraken attacking a ship... It's old school style.... It's like what pirates used to have. I think it's cool.

Kat: ugh... Put your shirt on. I don't want to look at it............ Hm... Did you gain wait sweetie?.. [squeeze]

Neta: ..... K!!

Kat: it's good. You look good... You are very underweight that's why you're hypoglycemic now...... Why do you still have that belly button ring? How many piercings do you have at this point?

Neta: 10

Kat: I'm counting nine. Where's the tenth one?

Neta:...................

Kat:....... Neta....

Neta: what!? It's my body!!

Kat: I just-I can't..ok...* Inhale** exhale*. Just like your mother......*sigh*........sit down. Make yourself comfortable. You want something to drink? What about you honey? You haven't said anything since you got here. I have tea,coffee, I think I have some soda.

Ikkan: no..... I'm fine ... Thank you

Kat: awww.... Such a sweet boy....... Well I'm going get me something out of the fridge? Beer as usual?

Neta: yep just the usual

Kat: ok

Ikkan: ........ She seems nice

Neta: yeah..... Sometimes hehe

Ikkan:.....hmm.......you used to live here?

Neta: yeah...... I wouldn't say live maybe stay. I used to stay here sometimes......used to sleep in the guest bedroom...........It slowly turned into my bedroom. Posters....... different bed sheets......a hole in the wall

Ikkan: you punch the hole in the wall?

Neta: shhhh shhhh she doesn't know I put a poster over.......

Kat: I'm back. You get one beer and only one do you hear me?

Neta: yeah yeah........

_______________________________________________

Kat: .................. It's been a long time

Neta:............ Yeah....................... What are you staring at?

Kat: you just........... Look different.......

Neta: It's the mustache. I think I might grow it back

Kat: No not that it's you look........... Softer

Neta: you already called me fat

Kat: I didn't call you fat! The word fat did not leave my mouth........ You always do this. You always try to start arguments.....*sigh* what I'm trying to say.......... you don't look as mad as you used to.......... Especially looking at your eyes..........much kinder than I used to be. What changed?

Neta: having a daughter.....

Kat:..........oh........ cirrina...... Hehehehe... That makes sense..... That'll do it

Neta:...............K?

Kat:.... Yes?

Neta: I don't hate you...... I'm really sorry I said that to you.......*voice crack*.... You were right.... ...... You write about everything....... I just didn't want to hear it......*sniff*....... You're right, I was just a child. It was a stupid angry child....*crying*.....I didn't know what I was doing.... I'm so sorry Aunt K ....... I I I...*sobbing

Kat: baby come here....come to auntie K.....hehehehe...*sigh*................... It's ok baby.....

Neta: but it's not okay!... I've said so many shitty things to you. Every time you try to help me and protect me, I'd always have to defy you and argue with you....... I was awful......* sobbing*.... You care about me even when I didn't care about myself....how are you not mad at me?

Kat: I couldn't be mad at you baby. I could never be mad at you. Every time you yelled, every time you fought, every profanity you threw at me. I wasn't angry...... I couldn't be angry............. I knew under all that anger was just pain...... All I could see was that little boy having a tantrum at his mom's funeral. He was just frustrated, confused and angry. Rightfully so.......... .................. Neta I love.... I loved you when I yelled at you, when I argued with you and when I fought with you...... That love will never go away.... I know you thought I didn't love you. part of that is my fault but I did and I still do.....[kiss]

Neta:.......*sobbing*....... I'm aunt K

Kat:....... No matter how old you get. You'll always be a baby to me......

_______________________________________________

Kat: are you sure you don't want to stay here?

Neta: I have to get back to the hotel.... I'll be back tomorrow. I'll bring my daughter and make sure my ikkan stays next time. Hehehe

Kat:hmm... Ok baby... I'll see you tomorrow... [Kiss]............... [hug].......

Neta: [hug]..........I love you K... Hehehe

_______________________________________________

Ikkan:....*snoring*........

Cirrina:..*sleeping*

Neta:..... I'm home

Ikkan: .....*snoring*

Cirrina:.... Mmmm .....Hi daddy ...

Neta: Hey baby girl.... Let me just... Scooch in. . There we go.... How was your day?

Cirrina: It was fun...... Ikkan took me to a museum... Did you know mammalians fins were just strands of thin string they called it hair

Neta: ewww That sounds gross. Hahaha

Cirrina: yeah it was hahaha ....*yawn*........

Neta: let's get some sleep okay honey. We're going to have a very special day tomorrow...[kiss]......*yawn* let's get some shut eye night crab cakes

Cirrina:.......... Night Dad

Neta: I love you

Cirrina: I love you too..

______________________________________________

Mahi was there they're just invisible@fish-at-fish-fish-resort

[imapuppy5000]

3 stories centering around the same two characters. Yes, I am obsessed. Yes I love them. No I will not apologize.

They’re not in any particular order btw.

And finally: Sage belongs to @theacedragon0w0

Fluffy sentence starter

“It’s nice that your voice was the first thing I heard today.”

Sage rarely ever came to the hotel anymore but Vlk was wary of staying the night at their place with their partners and her apartment was currently trashed after… well it was trashed is about all she could give as an explanation and pushing further then that (Sage was confused why it would be trashed when Vlk was such a tidy person) made Vlk shut down and put up her walls, so it had been decided that the hotel was the best bet for now.

They had slipped in after their shift and went straight to Vlk’s room, hand in hand. Almost immediately they were both in their pj’s— er well Sage was also in Vlk’s pj’s but whatever— and in bed, exhausted after the day. Vlk could barely even get out her ‘goodnight’s before she was dead asleep.

The next morning she felt a nudge and smelled something wonderful. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at her partner with a tired smile.

“Good morning, darling. I made you some breakfast.” Sage smiled back.

Vlk sat up and rubbed her eyes, muttering happily, “Mornin. It’s nice that your voice was the first thing I heard today.”

Sage blushed a little. Vlk was never one to really say something so sweet, it caught them off guard. Actually Vlk had been catching them off guard a lot lately with sweet gestures, little kisses when possible, compliments, and just generally being more open and loving. It was nice. Really nice.

They handed their partner the plate and sat down on the side of the bed, watching Vlk eat a few bites. After a few minutes of eating in silence she set her plate on the counter and looked up at Sage. “I’m sorry about last night. I know you wanted some time to spend together. I was just… so tired and-“

“It’s okay! No need to apologize, just being able to be next to you was enough.”

Vlk smiled shyly and looked away. “Thanks for breakfast,” She said, trying to change the subject (a common occurrence when Sage was being mushy, they were working on that), “It’s really good. You want the rest?”

“No thanks. You eat it.” They nudged Vlk in the ribs and said sternly but kindly, “You’re still far underweight.”

“Hey, I’ve been trying. I’m just not used to breakfast so I’m not really hungry yet. If you want I’ll save it for later.”

Sage sighed heavily. “It’s fine. Just make sure to eat lunch and dinner, understood?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” They leaned forward to kiss Vlk but she pulled away.

“Sorry. Ah let me brush my teeth first. I have dog breath.” The fox said, trying to get out of bed.

“I don’t mind. But if you’re not comfortable right now that’s perfectly fine.”

Vlk paused and took a breath before cupping Sage’s cheek and kissing her gently. She pulled away after a second of lingering and smiled, eyes lidded, “Still fine with my dog breath?”

“Yes.” Sage breathed. “That was perfect.”

Kiss

Fights were few and far between for Sage and Vlk. And aside from their first, the fights never really escalated very far. Regardless, like all couples, they had their moments.

This one was one they had often.

“You’re not taking care of yourself.”

“I’ve been busy. You know that. I don’t have a lot of time for ‘self care’.”

“Maybe if you stopped working extra hours—“

“I need the money.”

“You don’t. Your apartment is paid for. And so is the hotel and your food. What are you spending all your money on?”

“Drugs.” Vlk blurted, looking astray. “Drugs.” She didn’t want to admit to a gambling problem. Or the fact any money not lost to gambling was being saved up for a gift for Sage.

“Drugs?” Sage said incredulously. “I’ve seen you do drugs once and you hated it.”

“Then alcohol.”

“You don’t drink that much either. I know because I’ve been watching you.”

“Where the money is going does matter!” Vlk snapped, “All that matters is that I need more and thus need to work more hours.”

“I think you do it because you don’t like being alone.”

“What?”

“You don’t like the silence. You don’t like having nothing to do. The studio is loud, Val makes you forget whatever it is you’re trying to forget. I get it. But.. trust me that there are better ways to go about this. You can stay with me more often. We’ll plan more dates, keep you busy. And if it’s nightmares you’re trying to avoid by not sleeping then sleep with me! I’ll help you when you have them.”

Vlk didn’t like being called out in so many ways. Was she really that obvious? Her face scrunched up as Sage rambled on about ways they could get Vlk on a healthy schedule. Very suddenly she grabbed her partner's face and kissed her deeply.

Sage made a noise but leaned into it pretty immediately, holding Vlk’s wrist in one hand and the foxes cheek with the other. When they pulled away both were breathless and blushing.

“Shut up.” Vlk muttered. “I’ll work on taking care of myself better. But I’m keeping my extra hours three days a week, got it?”

Sage nodded mutely and Vlk turned around. “Then goodnight. I love you.” She waved over her shoulder and heard a muttered, “Love you, good night.” Apparently aggressive kisses really were the way to end arguments. Noted.

First Fight

(This is before they were a thing. They are just friends at this point in time)

“You shouldn’t be working for him!” Sage spat, fear and hatred for a certain moth demon fueling them. “After all he’s done for you— after how he’s manipulated you—“ they choked and hissed out, “Please, just come work for Velvette. She’ll treat you right, I’ll make sure of it.”

It was their first fight: Vlk had just confessed to some scary feelings for Valentino and Sage couldn’t take it.

“I’m not gonna work for her.” Vlk returned coldly, more than used to arguments and knowing the second she raised her voice the weapons would come out and someone would get hurt. Despite how Sage was acting Vlk didn’t want them to get hurt. “I don’t want to get in her way. Not to mention she’s kind of a pompous brat and she's always on about pentsagram like I have a clue what that is. She makes me feel dumb. At least Val doesn’t make me feel like an idiot everytime I’m around him. In fact he boosts my ego if anything.”

“That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about, one, and two, he’s love bombing you. He’s just trying to get you to sell your soul to him. He’s abusive and you know it. Velvette wouldn’t lay a hand on you or make you get her off.”

Vlk had doubts about that, honestly, but she didn’t say anything. “He doesn’t make me do anything. I want to.”

Sage froze, their fist clenching and eyes wide. They looked over Vlk’s face, desperate for signs of a lie but all they saw was the cold hard truth. “He’s using you.” They whispered weakly.

“You think I don’t know that?” Vlk laughed meanly. “But I’m using him just as much. He makes me happy and brings back memories of the life I was torn from. So what if I get slapped around occasionally? I’m used to that. I’m used to the whole song and dance me and him have going on and it makes me feel alive— in a way nothing else in hell has!”

“You shouldn’t be used to that.” Sage cried, “If you were in a relationship like that in life I’m so sorry but you shouldn’t have to go through that again. You should be in a loving relationship where you can be happy and not have to worry about the next time your partner will snap.”

“I don’t worry.” She snorted in return, “I worried when I was alive but I’m dead now, what’s the worst that could happen? I die again?” With a huff Vlk added, “And stop trying to meddle in my business. I only told you what I was feeling because you’ve been pressing for weeks. So what if I was in a ‘bad’ relationship before. I was loved. And I’m loved now.” She was starting to lose her cool and her voice was rising. She was just waiting for Sage to pull a gun or knife and tell her to shut up and listen. She was fingering her own dagger already, which was hiding in her pocket, just waiting to have to defend herself.

“No, you’re not! Why don’t you listen?!” Wailed Sage. The tears startled Vlk and she held her dagger tightly, still not drawing it but tensing and at the ready. “I’m trying to help you.”

“I don’t need your help!” Vlk spat.

Sage threw their arms in the air and spun around. There was a knife on the counter behind them. Vlk’s eyes widened and the dagger was drawn. When Sage turned back around with a deep breath they were shocked and a little scared to find Vlk snarling and with a weapon aimed directly at them. They held up their hands placidly and took a step backwards, not wanting to escalate things any further. Vlk’s eyes flashed to their side and they followed the look. A kitchen knife. A glance at Vlk and then the knife and back again. The fox tensed up further. Sage quickly grabbed the knife, and slid it across the floor and far out of arm's reach. Vlk relaxed slightly and her fur flattened, lips pulling down from their snarl and hand lowering her weapon.

“What… why?” Was all Sage could get out.

“I thought you were gonna stab me.” Vlk responded tensely, standing up straight and spinning her dagger between her fingers. “You turned for the knife.”

“I was just turning around to calm myself. I would never hurt you.” A skeptical look met the words so Sage pressed on, “I don’t know what you’ve been through or why you were so quick to assume I’d hurt you like that but I won’t. And… I never will, okay? And I don’t want anyone else to hurt you either. That’s why I don’t want you working for Val. He hurt Angel, he’s hurt you already… you know he’s a bad person— I know you do.”

“He’s… familiar, okay? And I need something familiar here.”

“Well… it doesn’t have to be him. What’s something familiar in life, what would help you acclimate better? Any foods you like? Songs?” Sage came forward and reached to take the knife away from Vlk, not liking that she was still wielding it. Unfortunately, Vlk jerked away and her guard rose once more. Backing up Sage continued, “Okay. I just want to help you find something good here. Something that can help without being a detriment. I know you don’t like being under him all the time. You’ve told me yourself.”

“Nothing you can provide will help.” Vlk said, watching Sage flinch. She softened when she saw the reaction and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I like pizza. Just cheap and greasy pizza. Maybe that’ll help.”

“That’s a start.” Sage smiled. “What else?”

“…Nothing else positive.”

“That’s okay, we’ll make things positive so you can enjoy your time here. And when you’re ready and feel comfortable will you leave him?”

“Maybe. I still need a job. And I refuse to work for Velvette.”

“Okay. I’ll find you a job. We’ll get you out of his clutches and it will be okay eventually, alright? We’ll find ways to make you feel alive that don’t hurt you. Okay?”

“Okay.”

That’s all. Goodbye!

[deafeningprincessmilkshake]

I don't plan on tagging anything and am really just yelling into the void but posting something makes me feel included and encouraged so here i go

Height: 160cm/ 5'3"

Starting weight (bare with me it's bad): 68,6kg/151lbs

BMI: 26.8

Current weight: 65,7kg/145lbs (BMI 25.7)

Goal weight 1: 58kg/ 127lbs

Day 2

Lmao i accidentally already wrote my height. I like how short i am. As a dancer it is kinda annoying but as a girl who wants to be small and dainty it's awesome.

Day 3

So my first thinspiration is this

My own body from 2021 that i was so horribly insecure about. Now i know that that's just stupid. Of course it isn't perfect but that's even skinnier than my gw right now. I want those collarbones back!!!!

My next thinspiration is this

It'a not realistic for me because i'd never have boobs that small but i like her flat tummy and am in LOVE with how you can see her hip bone!!!

Day 4

My greatest fear about weight loss is loose skin. I'm quite fat right now and i'm so scared that i'm going to have visible loose skin. Another thing that i'm afraid of is injury. I know that if you ⭐️ve yourself then you get injured more easily and i don't have health insurance right now so that'd be quite a bummer.

Day 5

Tbh i'm doing it partly for me. I don't feel pretty at my current weight. But i'm also doing it for my family. I have recently gotten comments on my weight from my grandmother and have gotten some sneaky suggestions of "hey you should really take up running again" from my parents. (My dad is REALLY pushing the running and my mom is pushing making healthy choices when it comes to food.) Also my long distance situationship mentioned that i have gained a lot of weight so now i wanna be pretty for him.

Day 6

Yeah i do. Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest and i grew up with an almond mom. All junk food was banned so i started eating it in secret. Very fast and all at once.

Day7

Yes. They support me losing weight. They have been concerned about my weight as long as i can remember. First time i was told that i need to lose weight and exercise more was at 8 years old by my mom

Day 8

I try to get 10 000 steps in every day and i'm also training for a 5k run.

Day 9

Yes. Mainly my mom and grandmother.

Day 10

Giving up eating whatever the fuck i want is so hard. No burgers, fries, chips... I want to rob a fast food place i swear to god.

Day 11

scalyhands was soo good. I loved her memes!

Day 12

I really like different VLCD meal replacements. Currently i'm eating mostly NUPO meals (all like max 130kcal per meal) and raw fruits and vegetables

Day 13

I am losing weight in a way that i like to think is healthy. However i sadly am not all that consistent. I lock in for a week and then i'm like "ahh i have lost so much weight. I can have a little treat" and then the little treat is a week-long binge fest. And then i have to lock in again

Day 14

I'm kind of reluctant writing what my ugw is because whenever i get close to it i pick a new one. It used to be 58kg then 55kg and now it's 50kg. When i reach 50kg it'll probably be 45 etc. I know that defeats the point of having a ugw but whenever i pick a new one i honest to god think it's the last one. I want to be 50kg by christmas tho. That's super important to me. I want my grandparents to see me skinny and when i pig out during christmas dinner (the ultimate cheat day) then i won't get weird looks like "she's so fat. She shouldn't be eating all that"

Day 15

I'm not vegan. I could never be. I love surimi and dairy too much!! Like vegan yoghurt etc can NEVER compare!!!

Day 16

Well i've had the desire to lose weight ever since i was 8. The recent spurt of weight loss started in june. I have since lost 10kg!!!!!!!

Day 17

I am not diagnosed with one and let's leave it at that. I am also not underweight so how could i possibly have one. As long as i'm not underweight i don't have an eating disorder.

Day 18

I love KFC! I love it so much!!! KFC my beloved!!! Also pasta. Just any kind of pasta!!!! Even just plain noodles.

Day 19

I really have no idea. Over a month ago. I only eat it when i binge and i have been binge free for that amount of time. I would murder to have the spicy twister wrap from KFC right now tho. Tbh being broke is really helping with both my weight loss and with bingeing less! Can't really binge with 0.32€ in my bank account :3

Day 20

I don't really have a favourite diet. NUPO meal replacement diet i guess? But really i just eat whatever as long as it's below my allowed calorie limit.

Day 21

I have no idea. I'm not measuring anything right now bwcause i'm not allowed to buy new clothes until i'm 55kg. My size s pants are falling down right now tho so i'm guessing i'm on the larger end of xs?

Day 22

My lowest weight was july 2, 2021. However it is not an "honest lw". Since the reason i was so light was because chemo had just killed all my muscle. I was all fat and bones. Oh boy how light fat is! So part of the reason i gained weight was because i was recovering from both chemo and cancer. The other part is that i binged. Binged so much. I used to be able to do it only in secret because my mom didn't allow me to eat anything unhealthy ever. And as i grew older i got more and more privacy so i could binge in secret more and more. Shit hit the fan when i moved to another city to attend uni. I think i ate 4000kcal a day every day because my mom wasn't there to stop me.

Day 23

Nope. Only the comments from my mom and grandma and that one long distance situationship (lmao i've been doing this for so long that he's not even a situationship anymore. Just a friend)

Day 24

I don't think i'm qualified to talk on that topic. I have been diagnosed with lots of stuff but i haven't been diagnosed with an eating disorder because why would they if i'm not underweight. Live and let live. If someone wants to starve themselves to death because they think this is the only way to find peace, then who am i to stop them? That is a beautiful way to die. Been thinking about it myself if i'm gonest. My last words would be "but mom, isn't that what you wanted? I'm skinny now!" and then i die🥰

Day 25

I have purged yes. The fingers down my throat thing doesn't work. At all. HOWEVER!!! As an avid nicotine pouch user (curb hunger REALLY well, super discrete, any time i want to binge i just put one in and all of a sudden i don't care about food anymore. CAN NOT RECOMMEND ENOUGH!!!) the way i purge is that i put in 2 nicotine pouches instead of one and then i just immediately throw up. No need to chug lukewarm coffe or nothing! All people willing to go to unhealthy lenghts to lose weight should use nicotine pouches!

Day 26

I can't wait to feel beautiful in my body!!! I can't wait to be skinnier than my mom!!! I can't wait to be more beautiful than my boyfriend (a huge insecurity of mine. I feel like he's out of my league but when i'm slim and skinny then we'll be equally attractive)!

Day 27

How do i deal with being around food? Very badly! Thank you for asking. I just try to not be around food. I don't have any food in my apartment. I only have energy drinks, meal replacement shakes and carrots. Whenever i go to my parents home and am around food ALL THE TIME i end up overeating or binging.

Day 28

No. Or like if i do then a very small one. I of course don't find fat thighs appealing but i think that muscular thighs are beautiful!! Also i'm a dancer so slim legs with no muscle is kind of hard to acheive. My genetics also play a role. I'm just being realistic. I put on muscle very easily. I'm just a muscular gal who was born to have thick thighs. (Look at me loving my potential future body!!! So healthy of me!!!)

Day 29

Real beauty is on the inside. Real beauty is also all around us. I, however, will only be beautiful once i'm 55kg or lower!🥰

[moodr1ng]

lengthy discussion of ed treatment/management under the cut but nothing triggering or specific

i think its funny that im like.. (i believe) very good at giving advice regarding eating disorders to other people.. like, i will often give detailed, multi-paragraph, nuanced advice and information on dealing with eds and give people lists of ways they can reach for help, advice on managing disordered eating behaviors as best as possible, reassurance that yes, what theyre describing is a real ed, yes they deserve help, no they dont need to get any sicker to get help, ill frequently ask people who are down on themselves or ashamed bc of eating disorders to let me have faith in them on their behalf/let them know that im proud of them even if they arent/reassure them that they are never alone with this even in the worst part of an ed when it feels like youre the only person this fucked up on the planet/celebrate their wins and improvements if they have no one to be proud of them/etc. and none of this im saying to congratulate myself like.. i am somewhat educated on this topic, i like being able to use that to help out people, im not doing anything extraordinary or praiseworthy, i just have a certain level of skill/knowledge in handling eds and so i feel its sort of a responsibility i want to take on to put that to use.

but the point is.. i can do all this for other people but when it comes to myself? i dont follow any of my advice. my relationship to food is terrible and so is that to my body. i know all this stuff, i have all these nice things to say to other people - and i can't apply any of it to myself.

and though i always encourage people to reach out to medical professionals, to nutritionists, to therapists specializing in ed, to hotlines, to ed clinics.. i have been let down by every single one of those. my nutritionist told me my eating problems are a psychiatric issue and therefore she simply couldnt help me in any way. my psychiatrist listened to me describe my ed and had no advice bc he doesnt specialize in this and cant help me. the ed clinic in my city wouldnt offer me treatment bc they only take extremely underweight patients. a nutrition/ed support clinic a friend recommended wont take me either bc im not overweight enough. i contacted an ed hotline, set up a phone appointment with the hotline worker, and got ghosted. every avenue of help i have found has said "i cant help you" or "i wont help you". and yet here i am, still telling people to seek professional support and hoping they have better luck than me..

idk. sometimes i just feel phony, yknow? like, here i am giving people all this reassuring, in-depth, affirming advice that sounds like.. wise or like i know my shit right, and then you go look at my post history on the same account and theres my post about my relapse and how profoundly i hate myself and am disgusted with myself. it makes me feel like.. me still being in the deep of the ed devalues my advice. you peek under the curtain, and the guy who talks like he has it all figured out and can help you is just as lost, scared, ashamed and miserable as you.

not sure what im trying to say. just. think about this regularly ig. i wonder how i wouldve fared in a world where i didnt get rejected from returning to the psychology course, in a world where i become someones therapist - would i have too felt like an absolute phony, a poser, if i had become a therapist while being this mentally unwell? idk. maybe. it doesnt matter now, anyway.

[barkablebehaviour]

Tell me more about Yelena. now. this is a threat. /j

BITCH. That’s like, idfk re-asking because you already know everything. But okay fine, I’ll talk about miss gurl. /h /af

Blake Clarke = Yelena Krasnova. (Yes, her name was changed).

The CIA agentry and psychological file curated for Blake’s activities at the E-9 CIA Safehouse, and of which are de-classified amongst E-9 personnel consists of the following information;

Blake was born on September 2nd 1953, as of 1981 she is 28 years old.

Blake was born in Hastings, a town close to London.

Her primary association is within SIS (MI6) in the role of Squad Leader, or more commonly; foreign agent. Operation involvement and squad activities are classified. But it is cited that she once worked alongside Helen Park, in whom recommended her for toleration.

Blake is near unmatched in the field of marksmanship, her skills also follow into near unrivalled sniper and field training. Proving herself useful in guerrilla warfare tactics. Seemingly able to make anything a viable weapon, or aide. Thus, it is recommended E-9 personnel make use of this advantage during their OP. Blake’s primary carrying weapon is a the designated marksman rifle: the Russian Dragunov SVD. The methods in how she obtained the Soviet weapon are unknown. Blake has also excelled in engineering, though the classification of her time in the military is on an immediate need-to-know basis and personal involvement. Blake is also adept in QCB/CQC and her skills of being an active intelligence officer are more inclined towards keeping her head low and blending in, taking time to learn an areas customs where she can. Which usually goes swimmingly.

Blake is a highly combative and paranoid agent. Keeping to herself is common. Engaging in conversation may seem empty or coarse as Blake commonly interacts with blunt and dry humour. But she has a sense of wit. It is cited that she is a highly unstable asset on the field, endangering herself to get the job done to an almost entirely lethal degree. She has a loose trigger finger. And tends to interpret the actions of others as hostile or invective. While professional, she is almost incapable of getting along with her peers. And in the case that she does, the bond is unbreakable. She is reliable, but it would be advisable to keep her on a very short leash. Blake may be quick to irate, but her loyalty is sung for.(paranoid—violent tendencies skills).

Blake’s appearance is a touchy subject, her usual attire, is often adorned with a balaclava with an eye slit. On the baseline, Blake is a highly athletic individual, if a bit underweight. Agile and stable on her feet; likely the fastest runner within the E-9 CIA TF. In the terms of extremely baseline identifiers. Her eyes are an olive drab green, skin is sickly pale. It is not anyones guess that her hair may be a diluted wheat blonde, maybe sandy with somewhat darker roots. And the Balaclava doesn’t cover up the scars over her right eye, it’s anyones guess how far those scars truly go. But it doesn’t take a genius to realise they’re also on her hands; continently covered with a pair of gloves.

(Other) skills are as following; Bilingual; English and Russian, Basic Cryptology, Sniper and Marksmanship adeptness, High Levels of Fitness, Advanced QCB/CQC training, Guerrilla Warfare tactics, Advsnced Weapons Maintenance knowledge, Intermediate Engineering skills.

It is 5am. I am going to calm the feck down. Some things are subject to change but it should only be very minor things. Anyways, I’m soo fancy! 🫡

[vincess-princess]

as we were falling

ch. 7

a/n: this one is small. but you know how it is: it ain't much but it's honest work word count: 1021 warnings: prostate exam

The next morning he and Nikki, with growling stomachs, went to a medical exam. The office was clean and brightly lit, filled with state-of-the-art technology. Tommy didn’t even know the purpose for most of those. A woman in white uniform with golden buttons sat at the computer in the corner of the room.

“Number 971-TP5?” she clarified, not looking in Tommy’s direction.

“Uh-huh.”

“Right. Undress.” Her voice was just slightly more human than the robotic voice in the torture rooms.

She pointed in the direction of scales with a height measurement function. Tommy stepped on them, the metal of the device cold under his feet.

“195 cm and only 75 kg? Underweight.” Her fingers clicked on the keyboard. “You’ll be getting a special diet.”

“What’s special about it?”

She ignored the question. “Get in the ultrasound machine.” She noticed Tommy’s confusion and waved her hand with irritation towards a large intimidating device in the middle of the room, reminding of a very elaborate coffin. “This one.”

“Don’t move,” she ordered once Tommy was in. “Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Alright,” she typed something on the keyboard again, “no obvious defects… you’ve had your nose broken?”

“Yes.”

For the first time she looked right at him pointedly, then picked up glasses from the table and examined him again, now through them.

“No, it’s visible enough to omit… well, that’ll drive the price down a bit. Oh well.” She typed something on the keyboard again. “Now the MRI.”

Another intimidating machine, another couple minutes of waiting that felt like hours. The doctor found nothing bad in the MRI (what was that, even?) and nodded approvingly.

“Sit.” She pointed at the chair next to her table. Tommy did as told. She pulled out a stick and a light. “Open your mouth. Say ‘a-a-ah’.”

Then she checked his ears, lungs, neck and abdomen. At every stage she murmured something to herself and typed endlessly on the keyboard. Tommy wanted to know what was that she was typing real bad, but he suspected she wouldn’t let him take a peek.

When the doctor was done with the physical exam, she pushed a button on her desk. To Tommy’s surprise, a young girl wearing the same overalls as him appeared, the numbers on her chest showing her name was 538-BB4.

“Bibi,” the doctor turned to her, “this unit needs a FBC, genetic testing and blood sugar.”

“Will do, madam,” the girl replied, then disappeared behind a small white door in the corner that Tommy didn’t even notice before. She reappeared soon, carrying a box that Tommy assumed had materials for the blood test. “Your left arm, please,” she said to Tommy and smiled tentatively. Tommy smiled back. A needle piercing his skin evoked a familiar longing in his chest. No, no more of that, he berated himself.

“Does it hurt?” the girl asked anxiously – probably Tommy’s emotions seeped through onto his face. He shook his head.

“Good,” she smiled, pulled the needle out and filled a vial with his blood. She did this two more times, placed them in the box, picked it up and with a bow left the office. The room felt colder when the door closed behind her.

The doctor pulled out a round mirror with a hole and a flashlight. Tommy could only guess what this was for until she lifted them to his eyes.

“Look here.” She flashed the light in his eyes. Then she brought the mirror to his face. “Now here. Here. Here.”

Then she sat him down in front of a large machine and ordered to lean in and level his eyes to a lens.

“Perfect vision,” she murmured and clicked on the keyboard some more.

Then came the most unpleasant part of the exam.

“Get on the bunk,” she ordered. “On all fours.”

“What for?” Tommy frowned, seized with suspicion. That part of his body he treasured dearly and didn’t want any unwanted invasion. The doctor as if hadn’t heard him.

“Do as I said now,” she said in a slightly higher tone. “Or I’ll call the security.”

“Fine, fine,” Tommy sighed and climbed onto the bunk as the doctor put on rubber gloves.

What followed was as bad as he imagined. It was painful and pleasant at once, and he wanted to piss himself and come at the same time. He wanted to keep proudly silent, but couldn’t hold back whimpering. Did that count as losing anal virginity, a thought flashed through his head.

When the doctor pulled back, Tommy was overcome with such huge relief it drowned the shame and the indignation for a little while. But just for a little.

“That was rough,” he grumbled. He expected the doctor to ignore him again, but she looked him right in the eyes. They were watery-blue and stared as though through him.

“That’s what you get,” she said indifferently. She must have examined so many slaves, Tommy realized, that they were all the same to her. Whatever he answered, she wouldn’t pay attention. He could as well bark or meow.

So he didn’t answer. The rest of the checkup went in silence, interrupted only by clicking of the keyboard. The doctor didn’t even murmur to herself anymore.

“We’re done,” she only said when it was over. “Dress yourself and call in the next unit.”

Tommy did so. He was relieved to leave this pale, bleak room. The doctor didn’t even feel like a person – more like a robot, her face didn’t change once. Tommy wondered if she took up this work due to her nature or if her work made her this way.

That’s why, when he grasped the doorhandle, he was incredibly surprised to hear her voice again.

“Do you want to know your price?”

He turned back to her, examined her face. She looked at him calmly, but there was something in her eyes… curiosity?

“Yes.”

“Three thousand two hundred fifty-seven EDs, calculated from your health condition.”

Tommy was silent for a moment. Well, it was a bit flattering – he expected less.

“Thanks,” he said. She nodded.

“Call in the next unit.”

[aspidities]

Yep. The dogs are staying forever. No choice.

Well two out of three of them already live here, lol, so yes? Cloud and Boon aren’t going anywhere.

In all seriousness I would love to keep Ghost but it’s not exactly the best idea, for a couple reasons.

For one, we want to keep fostering, and offer our home to some dogs who are really in need. Our county is overwhelmed right now and our shelters are full. We know a great local rescue run by J’s cousin, so we really do want to help them out—we have a big house and a fenced yard and lots of love to spare. Ghost is definitely in need of medical care, but he’s not really ‘in need’ of a home. We’ve already had a few people interested, and with good reason—he’s a purebred WSS pup under 6mos old and with housebreaking/training already. So it’s really likely he’ll find a home very very quickly, even if he needs expensive surgery.

And secondly, unfortunately this dynamic between them won’t last forever. Cloud is being very parental and gentle with Ghost right now, letting him gnaw on his ruff and climb all over him, steal bones from his mouth, etc etc, but Cloud is an intact male and eventually when Ghost loses his ‘puppy license’ and starts being more teenager-y, Cloud will probably be less polite about correcting him. Ghost will be neutered, but we don’t know when, and there’s still some hormones that happen around 6-18mos regardless that might make him want to challenge Cloud more. And since Cloud is a big powerful dude and Ghost is underweight with a bowed leg…yeah we don’t want them to work that out between them. Two intact males are always a toss up. We’d have to crate and rotate them, which is hard on our lifestyle and not as fair to the dogs as full house freedoms. If they continued to get along, or Ghost was neutered early, that would be great, but that’s not a given.

Also, and this is just window dressing really, but Boon is unhappy about losing all of Cloud’s attention. The puppy takes all of his energy and time now and Boonie is very annoyed that he won’t play with her, and also very annoyed that the puppy keeps ignoring her boundaries and trying to play with her instead. So while Cloud and Ghost have this Two Bros, Just Dudes Being Guys, Thunder Buddies 4 Life dynamic, Boon is mostly left out, and spends her time sadly pouting on the couch. Cloud was such a huge boon (lol) to Boon’s life and I don’t want to take that away. It’s possible she could adapt, but she’s almost 9 now and it’s also possible the stress could be too much. There’s a lot to consider! I wish it was just as simple as ‘we love him = we keep him’ but sadly it is not. IF, however, we can’t find anyone willing to take on his medical expenses you bet your bippy I’ll try to make it work, because we do absolutely love him.