#and yeah consider this a vent post
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#it’s always funny to see the people who have bullied you in the past for no reason jump onto the hate train#solely bc they wanna keep hating you#i did nothing to you cheri idk why you treat me like i did something wrong to you??#or do you just find my existence annoying?#idk#y’all keep spreading the narrative that i’m a bitchy bully that forces and coerces people into things#when that’s absolutely not what i did and would never do#and also#ivy the fact that you are openly befriending someone who was friends with masha and applewillowstone ONLY until those two were called out#about their shitty behaviour#and then did a 180 and claimed she never ‘knew’ masha was ‘like that’#just speaks volumes on what’s really happening here#and yeah consider this a vent post#since i gotta make that explicitly clear nowadays
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Sparkstember Day 12: In Outer Space (Cool Places)
Oh boy, it's finally here!! Having been a Sparks fan for nearly a year by that point, I finally got to an album I just straight up don't like! I honestly forgot by then that this was even a possibility. But a world where I can enjoy everything in such a vast catalogue of a favourite band of mine would be too perfect. It would be pretty strange and unsettling even. Not to always make it about my other favourite band whenever I'm talking about the first, but with TMBG also I eventually got to that one studio album release that I just couldn't bring myself to like, no matter what. So I think I discovered a bit of a personal repeating pattern here.
Alright then. My verdict on this album, which already got a pretty mixed response from fans as far as I know, is that it's not very good, or at the very least, it's not for me. Even the songs I like here I mostly like in the sense of, well, this one I could listen to again outside of the album every once in a while, but they're nowhere near being an actual favourite (besides one song, or two, mayyyybe four if I'm feeling particularly generous).
So I think that my main problem here comes down to how the arrangements / instrumentals seem rather empty to me but not in a cool minimalistic way. And, dare I say, they're pretty damn uninteresting - very few elements of suprise or anticipation to be found here. This is the only Sparks album that just... doesn't feel Sparks to me. (And that's coming right after Angst, which might really just be one of the most Sparks-like of Sparks albums in a way). Something is TERRIBLY missing here and a couple catchy melodies and fun synth lines aren't enough to make up for that. It drags on quite a bit and is underwhelming to listen to as a whole. With only a couple moments of change and something more interesting and engaging. It's this sort of situation where I feel like the whole time I'm waiting for some kind of resolution that never happens ultimately. First instance of me putting on a new Sparks album and forcing myself to sit through the whole thing. And last one I hope! (and expect...? well, better not jinx it)
Ok, having said all that... This will be a historical event because I can't finish this post before I have my obligatory listen to the album of the day on its day. So, time for some real time documentation of my changing opinion, or lack thereof. Time to hear IOS in it's entirety for the first time since april!
...Ok, I'm glad that I didn't say all this in vain at least, LOL! Because I'm still underwhelmed! No major change here. Definitely still not something I'm going to return to more often than very occasionally and the "waiting for nothing" effect was very present and real once again. And it just dawned on be, but do most of these songs not have a bridge?? Maybe that could be part of why it all feels pretty predictable! But alright, as per tradition, let's look at some highlights anyway.
Favourite songs (and other highlights):
Cool Places: never felt in any strong way about it but repeated listens made it an enjoyable little ditty over time, lol. One of my first impressions here was how LOW Russell's voice is, this must be the lowest he's ever sung, right?? And oh, quick shoutout to the 21×21 version of it too
All You Ever Think About Is Sex: ok, this one's really cool and exactly what convinced me that the rest of the album would be enjoyable in the same way. Not for me unfortunately!!
Please, Baby, Please: my definitive fav here that I like a whole lot and that for whatever reason doesn't seem to have any of this album's problems that I described earlier. And I'll always be partial towards songs that I can interpret as being aspec-coded, thanks to my predisposition to do that as often as possible
I Wish I Looked A Little Better: very similar case to All You Ever Think About Is Sex
Dance Godammit: it's funny. It's fun to listen to sometimes
#in outer space slander type of post today. on its day no less.#i'm sorry in outer space fans#but yeah maybe it's healthy to have at least one album that you can vent your frustrations with actually#and even then i feel like i held back quite a bit here mayhe i should stop being so afraid as coming out as mean with my opinions lolllll#the more i think about it the more i realize i really do not like this album at all. but ok moving on#for the drawing i actually made this whole fancy background at first that unfortunately would not in any way fit with the rest of it#and then when i redid the whole thing i put way too much effort into it anyway#considering that hours later i decided that i actually don't like the drawing that much!#well at least tomorrow's picture i do like much more#and i said i'd start going less detailed now yet the complete opposite seems to be happening. burnout incoming in 3... 2...#sparkstember 2024#my art#goose monologues
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me when i cant be someones favorite person all the time forever for no fucking reason: ah i see. hm. okay. i should go abandon everyone and everything and then kill myself
#like jesus man why cant i just be happy for people#its not even like they dont like me or anything i know they do obviously but my goddamn brain just goes#hey. hey. hey. hey. theyre abandoning you. they absolutely fucking hate you. you mean nothing to this person anymore now that they have-#other people they care about. which means you are being a burden and have to go die sobbing in a hole now sorry.#literally why#it fucking sucks so bad#i just want to be glad that my loved ones can rely on people who arent just me but noooooo i guess i have to have a breakdown over this#god#i hate myself so much dude#I seriously cant take this actually#i just want to be better#why cant i be better#and now i cant even enjoy one of my favorite bands playing anymore because im a selfish fucking prick#why does anyone even like me honestly#and this is over something thats literally so unimportant it means nothing i should not fucking care i dont want to care#tw sui ideation#im not actually considering it btw but god jesus i suck#and im attention seeking#i mean seriously i shouldnt post abt this#fucking stupid#i wish i wasnt like this#scribbles says shit#tw vent#kinda#er yeah i guess so#this is weird#only like the 4th real vent post ive ever made on here lol
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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Ok but sometimes the most infuriating political stance a person can have is point blank refusing to discuss social issues with you when you bring it up because they "don't want to get political". Don't open the tags unless you want to read a rant
#my random stuff#vaguepost#vent post#like... babes. how do i explain EVERY DAMN THING YOU DO can be considered political by some metric#YES that includes your silence#also the fact that they will happily talk about being a socialist and fuck the tories and everything#but then if i ever want to discuss something that doesn't directly affect them they will literally just shut me down#like i know our normal friendship consists of sunshine and rainbows and silliness#but I'd fucking appreciate if you didn't ruin that friendship by refusing to agree with me about things that should be a no brainer#I can't even discuss fucking JK ROWLING with them!! because their sibling loves harry potter and they always say “it's just a kids series”#and “let them have their nostalgia”#OH I'M SORRY.#DOES YOUR FUCKING NOSTALGIA MEAN MORE TO YOU THAN MY LITERAL SURVIVAL AND HEALTH???#like. I'm sorry but there's more important things here#babygirl i don't know how to explain to you#that if a political party said they were going to kill all lefties people BUT give all right handed people unlimited access to horror films#you would vote for them wouldn't you?#even though I'm left handed you'd say “of course i support left handedness how can you even question that”#<- shit metaphor. i know.#but i could point out “yeah they want to kill me” and they'd say “I just don't know enough about it to discuss this; sorry”#like??? if you don't know enough#maybe. fucking?? educate yourself??? by having discussions about it???#PLEASE pull your head out the sand sweetie#saying you care is just empty fucking words#i shouldn't be saying this; they're one of my oldest friends but GOD.#if you can't even agree with me about jkr being a fucking holocaust denier we're going to keep having problems
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i hate that the solar eclipse just now serves as a reminder that nobody loves me.
#🍂 arian's shit#IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HAPPENED. but yeah#i will always think of the solar eclipse i witnessed and think about that#two people one of them my friend the other i thought i could consider my friend but HE PROBABLY DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.#they both talked and did their things and laughed and they are so damn close to each other it almost made me cry and reminded me that#it was such a profound moment too when i realized what was going on#they were in another world that didn't have me and i get that. i do. they have known each other for a year and i abruptly showed up#two months ago and one of them we are getting close she likes me around#at least i think#the other one he is nice he is supposed to be like this he is nice to everyone that is who he is#so what is happening: he is completely indifferent to me. most he did was remember my name and face. but he is nice.#i like them both so so much it almosg does hurt when i stood there awkwardly almost like i was intruding#and i realized that i have never not been close to anyone#no acquaintances all the friendships i have had they sre the reason why i live and i know that they live for me too#we have known each other since kindergarten. they held my face and cried and told me that i was love when i was leaving for the last time#they love me. i am sure of it.#but now i don't have anyone near whom i do love. people don't love me. i used to be love.#it also hurts that i am Average Person In The World#i am not funny. i do not have unique quirks. i do not have a single talent.#all i am good for is saying the wrong things all time.#even in my old life i was someone. someone who isn't the same as the person who saw the solar eclipse today and felt all this#i was the idiot. I WAS THE IDIOT. i was the writer person.#i don't feel like any of these things now. they had a thing in common: their capacity to love and be loved.#i love very easily but i am not an easy person to love.#vent post#god this is such a small little thing i am the most pathetic thing in the world#feel free to scroll away don't even read this shit#arian contemplates his universe
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#straight up hate some users on here and Im sadly considering unfollowing people/ mutuals simply because those peoples posts are so extensive#yeah i could block that person and mute tags but i still see their content and activity on MY feed#I wish I could keep my mutuals posts without seeing the other people they interact with in the fandom lol#its actually making me feel sick#hate this site#vent post but im so fucking tired of yappy dogs acting above others here and pretending to be sweet as pie when really theyre not#its not just one person either but there is defs a pyramid and are cliques that i have observed
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Did you know? Studies show 90% of abused children quit right before they become the perfect vessel for a child of what they believe their parents will actually love. KEEP DESTROYING WHO YOU ARE FOR A MEANINGLESS CAUSE!
#luly talks#you know its fucked when you make a post thinking of yourself AND harry osborn#that's worse than harry dubois tags for me#anyway my beautiful step son aside uh. yeah 1) this is ok to rb but 2) this is actually a bit of a vent#because obviously me before but also bc talking w my therapist recently she was like... trying to get me to think of positives of my mother#so i'd consider reconnecting w her#and its so mental?#like woman i had to be kicked out of that house because even when i was about to kill myself to escape i wasnt willing to leave#nothing will fade the scars that my gripping claws left on that house as i was dragged away#i spent the last FOUR FUCKING YEARS trying to recover and come to terms with the fact my mother will never love me#and that there's nothing i can do to make her change#(which is what i tried to do for the previous 16 years of my life)#only for you to be like okay but what if she did like you this time?#WOMAN I HAVE POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER BE FOR FUCKING REAL NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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‼️TW RELIGION + HOMOPHOBIA, TRANSPHOBIA, ETC.
Fact! It's all "We accept everyone in our religion!" unless you can't remember a scripture or surah. You're accepted unless you don't feel fit in your gender. You're accepted unless you start seeing an interest in someone from the same gender. You're accepted unless you can't focus in class. You're accepted unless you don't fit into God's standard, you're accepted unless your very existence goes against all odds. You're accepted until your not. But hey why not come pray with me? It's not like you're gonna go to hell if you don't, except you will. One sin will cost you your "free" ticket to heaven, and by the fire you shall praise our dear God or feel your skin melt off. He is merciful yet so revengeful. If you cross his path even by mistake, your angels will turn on you and cut off the rope that's keeping you from falling to hell. Anyways I'm gonna go hang out with Satan and shout "GAY RIGHTS!" with him while blasting possibly suicidal music
#tw religion#tw homophobia#tw transphobia#trigger warning#ramble post#fuck this im going back to satan#atleast he accepts problem kids like me#oh yeah this applies to Islam as well#hashtag religious trauma#i hate people#vent post#at one point I considered just hiding my queerness#i hate you all im going back to bed#be actually accepting when I wake up
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Blowing my head up
#art#vent?????#vent#body horror?#gore#creepy#this shits edgy lmfao#consider this to be whatever but i really like how it turned out so yeah#gale posting#draco posting#im normal i swear#creepycore
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i hate scalpers so much fr
#it's not even scalpers technically since theyre treating it as an out of production ''collectible'' & probably consider themselves resellers#but when it originally retailed for 15$ and they're charging hundreds and it's fucking *play dolls*#it sure feels like scalping#yeah you can technically charge that much because it's a limited supply but what's the BENEFIT?#i mean even for fans of the show when they manage to get their hands on them. they might feel like they have to keep them NIB#because of the loss if they open it & destroy a NiB when these dolls are meant to be played with & displayed & enjoyed#(and by 'might' i mean ''do'' and by 'fans' i mean ''me'')#they straight up aren't worth what people try to charge! its so stupid especially when they share bodies with the DC line & those go for 8$#this has been an idea ive theoretically come across before with like amiibos but this is my first time dealing with it first hand#mylife#a catra got listed for 200$ again -_- which seems to just be her default price. and is more than EIGHTEEN TIMES RETAIL#okay vent post done. god#anyway fuck ebay resellers lmao#im not paying that but i Am gonna complain about it#unrelated but someone dug up the mass effect post again. how does that keep happening#people's tags are always fun on it though
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Maybe I should move some OM vents/rants back onto my vent/rant blog only again. lol
#;raven's posts 💜#never considered some people might just hate it or be tired of it. which is understandable. i am tired of it too.#but i have my right to vent/rant over this clearly shitty often game so yeah lol. anyway. i'll try that out next time. you know where#to find the blog if you really wish to endure the chaos there. lol
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The real question is, if I'm not weird and annoying, then why do people treat me like I'm weird and annoying wherever I go? Hm? Why's that? Dingus
#sorry for all the vent posts. just.#thinking about going to uni and having to undergo the mortifying process of being known again#what being bullied for years does to a motherfucker#and the thing is I know like objectively being bullied wasn't my fault#but at the same time it's kind of hard to believe that some of the ways I was treated weren't warranted if *everyone* was doing it#and I was an annoying child! and I probably still am annoying!#and I don't want to deal with the whole process of people treating me like a friend for a bit#and then dropping me once i lose my temper or cry too much or become too enthusiastic again#because that's what ALWAYS happens when I'm forced into new groups#and when it keeps happening it gets pretty hard to believe it when people tell you you're not the problem#because if you're the only consistent factor in these situations then yeah! maybe I am the problem actually!#maybe I am an overly sensitive and extremely annoying cunt! maybe that's why nobody actually wants to be close to me!#ever considered that!#vent#delete later
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me feeling bad about being unaligned with binary gender and then i think about how Guz would just Get It right off the bat because honestly idk how it's such a hard concept for ppl to grasp 😭 and it makes me feel a little better fdsfjkl
#i feel bad sometimes like oohh ur such a special snowflake for not being feminine OR masculine oooh u wanna be special so bad#no you Made-Up-Person-in-my-Brain. no i dont want to be special actually fdsjkl#i really wish this was just normal. i so badly want to just be normal#honestly i start thinking ''maybe i should just be okay with being considered feminine or masculine. i should just pick one i guess''#but no !! neither fit right !! both make me uncomfortable !!#i do understand the concepts of both but i exist outside of them somehow! and idk why thats so difficult for ppl to grasp!#it is just a little lonely seeing posts talking about ''feminine ppl or masculine ppl'' like. okay i dont fit either of those. damn.#and it feels alienating bc i guess ppl dont know unaligned folk exist! transneutral is such a rare label to see talked about!#''this is nonbinary inclusive bc im saying masculine and feminine :)'' WHAT IS SO HARD TO GRASP ABOUT NON-BINARY. ITS RIGHT IN THE NAME!#why are u re-inventing the gender binary !!!!!! u just changed the words ur using for binary gender WHAT 😭😭😭#i think maybe i resent that i have to force myself into one category or the other for other ppls comfort tbh fdsjkl like. can i just exist.#but i do think Guz would genuinely just understand it immediately. not just because i Want him to LOL.#he'd be like ''ohhh theres a word for that? hell yeah that rules. i'll have to see if a few of the grunts heard about this shit yet''#bc im sure there'd be a wide range of queer kids on the team LOL#if u get a bunch of misfits together ur going to have like... a LOT of queer ppl in the group FDSJFKL#dandy.cmd#vent //#💜so good at being in trouble
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gonna start allowing myself to post non madcom art here i think.. :]
#started as a vague vent but now i just like it#also yeah i think restricting myself to only posting madcom art on here has kind of been stifling me artistically i think#because id rather put effort into stuff i can post -> meaning trying to force all my art to be madcom -> making me kind of burn out on it#i still love acton and murphy so muh but ive been enjoying myself drawing sona designs too lately#this is pretty rough but PRETTY GOOD FOR ME considering i usually only do sketches#anyways yas. this sona was technically first made in like.... 2021? and ive been bringing him back to deal with some stuff#and experimenting w his design a lot in the process hes not usually this blue#IM TALKNG A LOT. ok queuing im currently writing this at 4:30 am#kuiper#my art
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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