#and would only bring misery
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in my head valentine’s day is just my pre birthday because it was my due date 💀💌
#like it doesn’t even feel like valentines to me#honestly it’s just pink pretty day and always will be#even if i get a so i just think i’ve made the holiday my own like it’s not even a holiday it’s just a time to be pink and pretty#i used to stress about being alone but#i am so happy being alone and realised often couples are not what they seem#staged photos doesn’t mean you see a couple’s entire true story#many people are probably unhappy and clinging to something physical#but i am happy as i am - a partner would only be a bonus if we actually compliment each other#and if they add something to my life#otherwise it’s a waste of my time#and would only bring misery#alone has negative connotations but i think i’d call it just being#we are all separate people at the end of the day having a partner doesn’t mean they become a part of you#at the end of the day a so is a very best friend that you are super comfortable with#personal
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wishing that things will get better for qforever and that after all of this he realizes that there are people sticking out for him and people fucking CARE AND LOVE HIM isnt enough, i need to fight ccforever for making his cubito miserable
#qsmp#qsmp forever#txt post#the character vs their worst enemy and its pictures of forever cubito and irl forever#JUST ONE WEEK. ONE WEEK OF NO FUCKING MISERY#BRING ME BACK TO THE EARLY DAYS WHERE HIS ONLY WORRY WAS IF HE CRINGEFAILED HIS WAY INTO PHIL'S HEART#GOD.#i love qforever so fucking much call me phil by the way i would go hell and back for him
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It is vital that the visions of Lestat that haunt Louis are seen first and foremost as shards of Louis’ own fractured psyche. These scenes are emotive hallucinations, a visual representation of the way that Louis feels unable to escape his past, as well as how he directly draws on those experiences as he tries to move forward. It is only Lestat in the sense that Louis has cast blended memories of the man to perform the role of Louis’ own doubt, misery and regret.
#a vision has appeared before me too and it is of a lot of misaimed discourse#there has already been a lot of chatter which frames it as though this is the actual character#and or Louis' remembrances of Lestat à la the first season#I am looking forward to analysing what each of these scenes represents about Louis' thoughts at that point in time#bringing us closer to Louis' conflicted emotions than he ever wanted the audience to get in the first season#but which can only be done by Louis almost completely disassociating from them#also this could be a good set up for Claudia to haunt Louis as a ghost#because he would mistakenly believe that she is likewise another reflection of his misery#the symbolism of which I'm sure would not escape Claudia#Louis de Pointe du Lac#Lestat de Lioncourt#Interview with the Vampire#Jagged Jottings
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Mukuro Ikusaba,they could never make me hate you
#apoca.log#danganronpa#danganposting#thh#mukuro ikusaba#dr 0#like i watched the fandub of DR:IF the other day#it's free on youtube go watch it now!#and oooh my goood#spoilers ahead#its sooo fucked how even when she betrays junko#she does so aiming to bring her despair#in the same way she aims to bring makoto and the others hope#the novel describes it as her being neither hope or despair#and i guess technically its true#the way i would describe it is#junko is the yin makoto is the yang and mukuro is the force that helps them continue to spin around each other#also the way she is literally just like a fucking teen#and the reason why junko is able to insult and belittle her the way she does is because mukuro isn't just a killing machine#but a socially awkward teen girl that loves her sister#and is willing to take that abuse as a form of love#because junko DOES do that to people she loves#because their misery is her misery#but you can also see points where she is legit pissed off at mukuro#dissapointed as she puts it#and how that ties into her boredom#uuuughh#both of these girls are sooo interesting#but only junko gets talked about#because the most we see of mukuro is in spinoff materials
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ppl are always saying that the most important thing with """mental health""" (they mean mental illness) (no, they mean depression and anxiety) (no, they just mean emotional wellbeing i think) is to talk to ppl about it. but like. sorry how does that help tho. maybe this is just whatevers wrong w me talking but for real how the fuck does it help to actually tell ppl the actually bad stuff in ur head. like i think it's good 2 be able to say stuff in passing and for everyone to not clutch their pearls if u joke abt killing urself or whatever like its good to not have to actively dig it down and repress it. its good to b able to say "ive been bad lately" or whatever and move past it. but genuinely honest to god does anyone in this whole wide world actually feel better after they tell the people who care about them abt their serious emotional problems in any significant detail. its not going to fix anything! its not going to solve anything! "a problem shared is a problem halved" no!!! its a problem doubled!!!! now you feel bad AND the person u told abt it feels bad bc they wish they could make u better and they can't!!
#i mean i love posting my whiny shit on here which is like. halfway between talking to someone abt it and screaming into a void just to vent#and i like 2 scream into voids to vent but.#1. i will only disclose so much.. im not gonna actually rip my guts out on the internet#2. if any of my friends try 2 message me abt it i WILL say 'ah im fine its just one of those nights its whatever'#bc whats the point!! how on EARTH would 'talking about it' help!! that just spreads the misery it just brings guilt for both parties!!!
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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart
#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but#you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they#should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc#they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant#the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look#exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway#god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else#inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home#i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty#there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air#med school students walking to their lectures#she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now#there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven#ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen#tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you#more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO#ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over#i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself#that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too#its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW#BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND#WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway#standing up it just feels so#exhausting#like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever
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aventurine is “money can’t buy happiness” personified. i think
#but thankfully he knew that from the beginning…#there was no clamoring i don’t think. he wanted it for survival.. there was no false hope that it would fill any voids#so no emptiness or feeling hollowed out after he gained it only to realize it wasn’t what he wanted#because it was simply from a perspective of “i need this to climb up the ranks in life and Stay Alive”#there was no false sense of security in the idea of it bringing any purpose or life Back to his existence#“money can’t buy happiness but it sure does make your misery easier to live with” yeah
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coming around to the theory/headcanon ? that seraphimagent computers 1-7 did not do full broadcast+tower management in the way sayer does and thats why for example porter has been in argos the whole time without any sayer there.... like it isnt that there were 7 previous sayers but sayer is actually the first of its kind to do its particular task set. which unfortunately yeah if they invent a new kind of task completing robot they are in fact going to keep making "that but better???"..........simply look at the humble ipod :(
#big brain png porter is agent 7 huge brain png mincer is agent 6#which also brings 2 mind the question how old is sayer. the misery possibility that aeroliths only been doing towerwide ai for like#a couple years prior to s5 and theoretically would be doing new paidion stuff w the regularity of like new computer generations#BUT I RLY LIKE the hc ive seen that sayer is like A Century old i dont actually like 'sayer is very new' hc its :(#but it feels dishonest not to acknowledge the posybility i thought of :(#sayerposting
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Kaeya most definitely made at least one joke about how bc Addie and Elzer helped keep him alive during Luc’s Adventurous 4yrs Adventures Abroad, he was gonna make himself their problem.
Addie will never forget to bring up he has yet to make good on his threat every time he visits.
#hc; kaeya#Kae: You saved my life. now you’re never gonna get rid of me. I might just stick around & make yall miserable lol#Addie: fucken BET#//Every time he rolls around to the Winery on business after that she’s just Where is the misery you promised Master Kaeya :)#//‘Thought you said we’d never be rid of you :)’ ‘Addie I—‘ ‘You wouldt DARE lie to me would u Master Kaeya? :)’#//Elzer is more low key abt it#//But in a silly way that sounds awful out of context#//Like ‘Y’know; we could always use a little more misery around here. why don’t you stick around longer :)’#//Everybody and Luc stares blankly in disbelief and or confusion; meanwhile Addie’s lurking nearby while Kae’s sweatin bullets#//Just ‘why won’t they let that GO: aaaaAAAAA-‘#//Luc learning abt the bit might make Kae tormenting him at the tavern go down easier#//Like ‘Ah; he’s here to deliver the misery he promised :)’#//Only to regret everything and his life choices(/j) the INSTANT Kae opens his mouth#//Each time he sees him dropping by to clown; he rests a little easier knowing Kae is sticking around; however it goes down#//Has a heckin STRESS every time he decides to Cats Tail instead#hc; diluc#//Sigh; that goes there now hdbdb#//do I need to tag for the dark humor. and if so how#//Anywho back on subject; Kae would crack jokes abt this to exceedingly close ppl like Jean or Varka; too#//He got a MASSIVE lecture from each of them the first and only times he cracked that sort of joke#//Abt how important he in fact rlly IS to them; and misery is the LAST thing he’d EVER give them#//Which hurt him more than them insulting or denouncing him bc NOW he feels guilty & anxious#//Like he feels he inevitably WILL bring them misery; no matter how hard he strives otherwise#//And boy oh BOY would he try to avoid it for them in particular; just as he would Addie and Elzer#//Luc; he’s just being a LIL bit spiteful; LIL bit attention seeking#//Getting attention/keeping him in his life the best way he knows how without worrying Luc will see it as a sign to try & bridge the gap
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"i thought you said you'd make an effort" MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS ONLY COMPLAINT #1 OUT OF A VERY LONG LIST JUST BE GRATEFUL I CAN WAIT UNTIL THE GUESTS ARE GONE TO SNAP
#YEAH I MAKE AN EFFORT THATS WHY I ONLY COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STUFF I REALLY CANNOT DEAL WITH LONGTERM#god#it's just#incredibly annoying how my mom just goes OUT OF HER WAY to shrink the scope again when i just explained to her what would work#''so you can't speak up and if we do nothing it doesn't work'' yeah no shit then speak up YOU then. like i just said you probably should#i mean. you did say you don't control what guests bring. BUT YES YOU DO#yes you can speak to them about it#you can discuss and make it less systematic#you can express your thoughts#so you actually just lie to sympathize with me but you don't give a shit#and yet you still act like you tried everything like you just don't know what else could be done#i told you what was my problem i told you what would make it better#say you have other priorities#say you expect me to make an effort and not to be the fucking freak i was my whole childhood#that you were kind enough to tolerate most of the time#even though i was sooooo fucking weird when you knew i had problems but couldn't categorize them so why would i need to do things different#say you don't understand why i hurts me if i can ''try to make an effort''#sorry the only kind of family reunion we have is food-based and i can't try and have good relationships w my family if i dont can it#and eat whatever's in front of me so that they can be happy i'm finally normal and grown up#god jesus christ#yeah it IS your house and i don't get to veto or force anything#dont act surprised when your smart plan for dealing with difficult things is expect your kid to shut the fuck up about any problem they hav#and then huh. weird. your kid isn't happy.#i try to foster a good relationship holy shit#i try to go past the things i don't like and compromise and engage w them#how is that not doing my best#i'm sorry i don't feel great when difficult things happen and also i can't control any of it#when you can and you've also shown me many time i can't expect actually meaningful support from you#broadcasting my misery#vent
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fuck i wish i could write. oliver just signed the deal with raphael (because he constantly feels like he's doing nothing to help the party or anyone and putting his soul on the line is the very least he could do, even though he helps everyone and also is like.... at max approval with the whole party and has finished or done the majority of everyone's personal quests)(he's trusting the emperor less and less, for Reasons, which i guess would involve more writing because it involves personal backstory shit, and he's already burned the bridge with gortash by crashing the party at the iron throne and saving wyll's dad, so his options to deal with the tadpoles are becoming fewer and fewer)(so. raphael it is. for now...?)
and astarion's basically just like 'well that was stupid, but what do i care, it's not *my* name on the contract lol' (even though oliver's apparently the first person he's truly cared for, bb, what are you doing? is this a 'id rather you hadn't, and i'm actually kind of upset but don't know how to deal and also you're a fuckin adult and made your choice, so what's the point in saying anything' moment or what, i am having trouble deciphering this right now)(and i know the dude is an ass, i dont expect him to be Nice, but your honor, theyre in love. and he did sound kind of pissed about it! or irritated/sarcastic??? but! how did he mean it? my brain is not cooperating, i hate this, lmao, i wish there was a follow up convo or something so i could pin down this fuckin plot bunny)
(and i mean. this is deviating into headcanon/oliver as tav specific territory, and is me trying to figure out how it'd figure into the thing i'd wind up writing for this if i do, and again, astarion is an ass and all that, maybe not the most emotionally mature dude in the realms to put it mildly, but he'd know, right? eventually, at least??? that he fucked up saying that? that however he actually meant it, it's going to sound very much like 'i don't actually care about you' to the first person he professes to actually care about?)(and in terms of oliver's canon timeline, i think he signs well after his own 'personal quest' would have occurred. so astarion would know about oliver's mother and all that baggage. not that he'd necessarily know what do to with it, but he'd probably have heard her be all 'yeah, i never actually cared for or wanted you, soo....')(which is an oversimplification and the whole situation is quite complicated, but. that's the gist he gets, so anyway...)
and then karlach. my love. the bestest of girls, she's angry and insisting on going to avernus one last time to save oliver's fucking soul because she's awesome and also because he's her friend and, tangent, i wish there was an option at all times to hug her, whether as a friend or lover. she deserves all the hugs, romantical or platonic or whatever, fuck, i want to hug karlach so fucking bad
and there is something *there* with all of this because oliver, sweet and sad and self-loathing, wouldn't have any of her help. he'd want her to let it go. gently, at first, but of course she doesn't, so then he gets pissed. because this is his decision. because it's not her name or anyone else's on the dotted line, so why the fuck does she care? (hm. sounds familiar.......) let it go. let him help for once, not be a burden on the party for *once* (as if he hasn't spent the whole adventure bending over backwards not just for our merry band of adventurers, but everyone he's come across)(because it's not enough, never enough, it'll never be enough to make up for being him) he isn't worth the trip to avernus, isnt worth her forcing herself to face that place again. and he's rarely loud or angry but he's both now, the exhaustion and frustration and uncertainty and fear re: the future that he's been trying to ignore pouring our of him, horribly misdirected at probably his best friend in the whole group, so of course the rest of the party is going to hear it and it's just.... there is something here, i feel it in me bones
(also. tangentially related, but didn't raphael imply that fucking up the contract would fuck over the whole group and not just whomstever is signing it? said something about hanging you and your friends from meathooks while watching the world burn??? so either he's full of shit or the contract actually fucks over everyone if broken, which..... oliver as tav would not have signed if breaking it affected anyone else, so this might all be moot. i dunno. just rambling)
#long post#but#it's kind of funny because i had oliver bring only astarion to sign the contract#because i imagined oliver wouldnt want the rest to know but he was still unsure about the decision#and wanted moral support lmao#he'd refused at first but overthought it and came crawling back#i dont know. maybe he was hoping the man he loved would try to stop him but he didnt....#anyway.....#so it kind of feels like astarion got back to the rooms and was like 'oh btw he signed the fuckin contract lmao'#which i imagine karlach would flip out on him like 'why the *fuck* would you let him do that?'#to which astarion's snarks like 'what do i look like? his mother?' before maybe having an aha moment#hopefully having an aha moment#and maybe he notices that night that oliver doesnt ask if he's managed to feed at all today#something he's asked pretty much every day since astarions big vampire reveal#in some form or another. sometimes direct 'have you eaten?' sometimes a subtle 'you good?'#maybe he notices and maybe he knows something's wrong. but what the fuck is he supposed to do about it?#fuck. i dont know#there's something here. i know it#oc: could it be this misery will suffice? (oliver)#scott sucks at bg3#bideo gaems#to the void with love
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The generational gap between me and people my own age who use a million abbreviations. Don't get me wrong....I use some of them too, but some of y'all be out here trying to abbreviate a whole sentence into a few letters🤣
The generation gap between me and ppl of my own age
#WOWWWW#I did NOT come here to be called out like this😂😭#Tumblr decided to hit me with the most unprovoked personal attack I've ever gotten#Of which there's been quite a few from this hellsite#The struggle is real...and apparently I'm not the only one who feels that way#I legit feel like Steve Martin's character from that movie 'Bringing Down the House' every time I hear someone from Gen Z talk#'What did you just say?'😂#It doesn't help that they changed what emojis mean either#*old lady voice*#Back in my day a skull meant something bad! You whippersnappers!#*shakes cane*#get off my lawn!#Sometimes it seems like Gen Z is speaking a foreign - wait#WAIT#I regret to inform you all that I've just come to a disturbing realization#What if...what if this is how our parents felt when we developed OUR slang?🤔#(this applies to all generations)#Remember how our parents would be so baffled when we talked? With the 'I have no clue what you're talking about right now' look?#And we would just sigh in exasperation? Like it was SO OBVIOUS what we were saying but they were just too 'out if touch' to understand us?#Oh no#Things have come full circle you guys#We've become our parents😭#Now WE'RE the ones out here not understanding slang while the younger generations look at us like 'Keep up old timer'#Well this is some bullshit#I didn't need to come to this realization today#But since I have I hope all of you are distraught by it as well because misery loves company#Guess it's time to break out the bingo cards prune juice and argue over who gets the last pudding cup while we stay up until 9pm🤣#That's about all we've got to look forward to now that we're senior citizens#Rip to all of us - it was nice having our youth while it lasted😂#random post
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i need to complain and be miserable but its gonna involve me dropping my fragile facade of coolness for a moment and i need everyone to be really chill about it and remember how cool and awesome and collected i usually am
#ok#vent#I made a really stupid decision that i wanted to believe would work itself out#i thought if i didnt acknowledge it that eventually it would right itself#but it kept gettng worse tbh#i have a bad habit of doing that when i fuck up#i make a decision knowing that its a bad idea and instead of righting it myself i commit to it without recognizing the harm#i just wanted to do something that would bring me some excitement but i went into it KNOWING that it was not planned out and that it was not#worth it. it was a hasty rushed decision and i only did it for the thrill of impulsivity because the depression had been settling in when#the structure of highschool finally gave way#this whole time ive been trying to pretend like its not crashing down around me#and its not solely my fault but i shouldve said something and i didnt because i wanted somebody else to fox it#i just didnt want to recognize that i fucked up. i hate fucking up especially when i know i have before i even do it. Which sounds weird but#its usually in very specific situations#Goddd i really just. i wish i hadnt kept screwing it over#wish id never gone in the first place it was never going to be worth it#it was so rushed and i hate rushing big plans but i did it anyway#i hold myself to such high standards because if i dont then nobody else is going to#but the consequence of that is unimaginable misery the moment i make an error#and this isnt even an irreversible mistake like its gonna be okay#im gonna be inconvienenced for another few days but thats it#but im still upset#because its not the aftermath its the idea that ive screwed it up in the first place#GOD I SHOULDNT SAID YES HRNRJGKGOFODOEIDJ#im so tired im so angry im so upset and im so sad#guy whos not getting any sleep tonight guy who is sosososo mad at himself#whatever WHATEVER ILL GET THROUGH THIS😭#WHERE IS MY THERAPIST
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The soul does not lie
synopsis: Sukuna allows tedious nonsense when he can feel your soul's cravings.
〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰
Though he hardly mentions it, Sukuna can, in fact, feel your soul in a way that a normal sorcerer never could. Knowing this helps to make sense of the fact that the man can always tell when you are distressed, even when you try to hide it.
You had discovered this little ability of his when he had come stomping in from the gardens one day while you watched unblinkingly at a horror film.
With your eyes only visible through the slots of your fingers you looked up to see him standing, arms crossed, in the entry way of his chambers.
"What is it that brings you fear?" He had thundered.
"W-what... no, nothing, I'm just watching a movie, see?" You flipped your phone around for the man too see but he did not take his eyes off your form.
"I do not repeat myself." His four eyes were squinted and his eyebrows arched in a dangerously attractive way.
"Kuna' it's a horror movie, that's all, I'm not really scared." You finally announced to the rolling of four red eyes.
"Your soul states otherwise." He quipped before drawing close to try and see what had your soul trembling so fearfully. He was disappointed, to say the least when he was unable to identify what was so "horrific" about your film.
And that marked the moment you realized that Sukuna was able to feel you in a way you could not understand.
Sukuna was NOT a gentleman, he was far, far from it. He loved to bring terror to the masses, very rarely did he allow another beings to so much as speak in his presence. He did, however, have "soft spots" for creatures that sparked his interest, and those remarkably loyal.
Even so, he did not make efforts to calm your nerves when you were anxious. He did not feel the slightest effect in his chest when your sorrow was palpable. He would certainly not allow for time to be wasted on your souls quivering's. That-was none of his concern.
It was not as if he was taking any actions when he allowed your pathetic "cuddling" nonsense when he felt the pangs of misery that surrounded your essence.
You had tried to hold him in the past but he did not see the use in wrapping oneself around another. Even so, he found himself pretending to sleep (even though he did not need it) when he sensed your desperation for his touch.
Likewise, when he could feel the shaky and childish excitement that bled from your soul when you were happy, he could not seem to help but humor you.
As mentioned, Sukuna does not require sleep like your helpless human form. Still, it was not uncommon for the king of curses to close his eyes, relaxing in his ultimate power. Be it when he bathes, when he is lounging on his palace's engawa, when he is seated on his throne, or even when he reclines himself along his chamber's bed.
Sukuna had his eyes closed one evening, feeling his power splay out from his body, grasping at the forms of everyone within his domain. When he sensed your spirit, quickly approaching his chambers.
He made the decision then to seem uninterested when you clambered through the doors.
He could hear the switch in your step as you drew in a breath, clearly forgetting what you had wished to say at the sudden image before you.
The bloodthirsty man had never looked more like a jungle cat, lying atop his bed in such a lazy fashion. He felt the exact moment your soul leapt. He knew you had covered your mouth as your heavy breathing had dulled despite your heartbeat climbing to unusual heights.
He knew of your antics. Having felt you chew on each of his biceps several times. You had that same giddiness now. It was simply that he did not care to move that he kept his eyes closed. Pretending not to notice as you took out your phone, your feet dancing around him. He'll allow you to take your ridiculous photos, he's too... relaxed... to... take issue with your senseless mischief.
He could tell you had finished when he heard you pocket your phone once more, your hands covering your beating heart, you leaned down, holding your breath. The king of curses had to keep himself from squishing his face in ....disgust.... as you planted a chaste kiss in the space between his lower eye and his upper lip.
"You're too precious." You quietly whisper. Brushing your hand softly through his hair. And Sukuna rolled his eyes behind his lids.
Such foolishness he has never seen. Even so- he will allow it.
#jujutsu kaisen#sukuna headcanons#sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna#ryoumen sukuna#sukuna#sukuna hcs#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x you#ryomen sukuna fluff#sukuna fluff#ryomen x reader#sukuna ryomen#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen sukuna
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ok but soulmate au with ghost but it's the fucking opposite of rainbows and sunshine. (18+)
you share his trauma. his stress. his anxiety. you do not know who he is, and yet you know the pain of a thousand punches because it's the only feeling he has ever given you. you know the grueling ache of abandonment and the terrible neglect of abuse and the disgusting amalgamation of all your worst nightmares before you even turn 20. everything that he gives you feels aggressive, like it burns, and he only ever gives you reprieve for so long until you just feel it all over again.
it makes you tired. it makes you sick. at first, as a girl, all you wanted to do was comfort him. you wanted to know who he was so you could kiss the cigarette burns that you feel and soak up the blood you know he bleeds.
but as you age, you begin to hate him. you hate him because he does this to you, he hurts you, doesn't he know that he's hurting you? doesn't he know that everything he feels, you feel tenfold, doesn't he know that the terror and the horror of everything he witnesses weighs down your chest, makes you feel like you're drowning over and over and over again?
for a few years into your adulthood, everything is quiet. you feel little except the ache in his back he never tends to, the creak of his knee joints that he refuses to stretch out. you wish you knew him so you could scold him for it, but you curse at a ghost. sometimes you think about doing something to get back at him--you think about carving a FUCK YOU into your arm, about throwing yourself in front of a bus just so he can fucking understand that his entire life is one fucked-up cycle of pain and misery and horror, but you can't bring yourself to do it.
you can't hurt him. you just can't.
and then, the real pain begins. it brings you to your knees, this pain. you scream, you wail, because it feels like you're being carved from the inside-out. your face burns. your chest heaves. you feel like your ribs are breaking, you can't breathe, you claw at the invisible wounds that your soulmate must be wearing, and you beg him to stop, you beg him to let me go--just fucking die already--please, please, please--
those weeks haunt you. the torture he endures, it is branded to you. you wear no scars, and you never lost any blood, but the phantom flesh that you know is gone follows you in your sleep and never shuts up. it talks, it snarls, it eats at your insides. even when he heals, you are never the same. you wake up from nightmares that you know you share with him. you look over your shoulder for the predators you know he has encountered, and you cry yourself to sleep over the loss of something that you can't even decipher because you have no idea who he is or what he buried to feel this way inside.
he's sick. he's twisted. he's a walking corpse, he has no redeemable qualities, he is selfish and mean and cruel, and you hate him, and if it wasn't for the pain that you would feel, the first thing you would do when you saw him is drive something right through his heart to finally stop the undying infection he spreads to everything that he touches.
you know it is him when you finally meet him. you would know him anywhere; you’d know him just by the scars alone who he is because you remember what it felt like when he got them. when you eye the sleeve of tattoos along his left arm--the fucked, shitty, sunburnt art that made it impossible for you to finish your university exams. the faded, grey circles that line the other, ones you recognize being from the burning cigarettes that you would smell when you closed your eyes. and when he removes his mask briefly, you recognize the scar that cuts above his lip and strikes through his eye--that one left you reeling on the bathroom floor particularly loudly. you thought he might be blind if it wasn't for seeing the darkness of both of his eyes.
you start to cry. you start to cry because as soon as he realizes who you are, as soon as you see that flicker of knowing flash across his eyes, all of the hatred and the anger and the poison that plagued you for all this time vanishes. everything you fought so hard to feel, all the misery you wanted to bestow upon him for making your life a living hell, it's gone.
because the universe is cruel, the universe has done what it has done, and it has made this singular person just for you, and against everything you believe, you know that you love him, and you hate yourself for it, and you hate the universe, too.
you have endured. but maybe you endured so he didn't have to. maybe you endured so that he could have this, the feeling that he feels right now, that feeling of sudden relief.
he slides a large hand over his chest, flinching slightly. he blinks, understanding suddenly that he's feeling your joy, your elation. when you shuffle your way over to him, breaching the conversation the men around him are having, you ignore their confused stares as you fling yourself into his chest.
ghost forces you against him, trapping you to him. he practically chokes, tangling a gloved hand into your hair, and you sob into the warm skin of his neck as he hoists you into his arms, into his lap. you don't pay attention to the curious voices around you, you just bury yourself into him and cry. his body is the evidence of all that has happened to him, and you aren't angry anymore because you're relieved.
he's real. he's alive. he's here. he's okay.
when you pull back to look up at him, you blink away the tears that are falling fast down your face. he stares down equally as intensely, drinking in the sight of those big, wet eyes. when he smooths a big hand down your face, he grumbles when he realizes what you are, how you know him.
he never realized this was what he and his soulmate shared. you in your life had never felt pain like he had--he had no idea what he was doing to you. he had no idea what you were surviving at the same time.
he closes his eyes and rests his forehead against yours, and your lips tremble as you cup his cheeks and hold him close.
it feels wrong to feel this kind of comfort, but he does anyways. he thinks, maybe, that perhaps the only reason he survived was because of you.
because there was someone else, far away, that loved him enough to keep him breathing. even when he thought it was over.
#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#ghost mw2#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost mwii#ghost x reader#cod#call of duty#simon thoughts
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the tale of how simon got himself a gf without stepping a foot outside of base.
anyone can tell you that alcohol reduces the ability to use logic. to see reason. it lowers inhibitions and blurs the boundary lines you've drawn in the sand.
but indulging in drink tonight is justified. you're in need of reprieve after this shit week: broke up with your boyfriend, deadlines at work appearing out of thin air, a flat tire on your morning commute. you even stepped on the end of your cat's tail.
miserable. (she's okay, just giving you the cold shoulder. you'll buy her some tasty snacks tomorrow.)
but for tonight, you're wallowing in your own misery. some uninteresting show is playing on the television, you're cradled by the cushions of your couch, a fluffy sherpa throw over your socked feet.
if only there was a way to melt this week's accumulated stress away even further.
cue the drunk texting your ex cliché.
anyone can tell you that it's detrimental to moving on. it's akin to reopening a wound that's already begun to heal. a step back when you should only be moving forward. your friends would drag you by your hair for being so dumb.
but there's an incessant throb in between your legs that's only getting stronger with every glass of wine you toss back. you're wound tight, violin strings stretched to the brink. a couple of bow strokes away from snapping.
you'll deal with the consequences tomorrow, along with your hangover.
typing in his (deleted in a fit of heartbroken rage) number with fumbling fingers and send a picture of you with the hem of your sleeping shirt between your teeth, the swell of your bare breasts on full display with a cheeky little missing you <3
he responds in minutes even though it's 2:30am.
send a vid and show me how much you miss me.
it makes your pussy clench around nothing, already slick, drooling, begging to be filled. you sink your teeth into your bottom lip as you bring up the camera.
when simon first gets the text, he's on edge, gripping his phone hard enough to crack. no one should have this number except for price, johnny and kyle. he's made sure of it-- had laswell pull strings to give him a secure line. no scam likely's, no cold calls, nothing.
but then some silly little bird dials his number by mistake and the sweet cherry on top is that you've sent a nude. breasts on full display-- soft looking, hard peaked. it makes his mouth water, his gums itch. he'd love to sink his teeth into them, into you, hard enough to bruise. mark. claim.
but that's for later, once he finds you.
he texts back and what you send him in response fattens his cock. a small hand tucked beneath the waistband of your flimsy knickers, gusset dampened with warm arousal. you lick your bottom lip, leaving it glossy with spit. your chest heaves with the sharp gasps of breath you're drawing.
but there's a problem. he can barely see what you're doing. he doesn't have x-ray vision, your knickers are in the way. while he can understand the allure, he himself doesn't have the patience for it. either you let him see your bare cunt or don't waste his time.
he wasn't expecting you to agree this fast. maybe a bit of push back, a little snapping of teeth until you relent but no. you're an obedient thing. submissive. just how he likes 'em. (if he wants to break someone in, that's what johnny's for.)
soft, inviting thighs spread wide, a couple of fingers curling inside your glistening cunt. (duly noticing how your 2 fingers are the size of 1 of his.) your moans spill from your lips unreservedly when you roll your pearl in tight, precise little circles. he spits on his hand, heavy length resting in his calloused palm and tugs himself at the pace you've set: jerky, quick, messy.
you come with a whimper, eyes shut and pliant body coiled tight. a frothy, sticky cream coats your fingers, dripping down to your arse, pooling on your couch.
you miss me too? sent 3:27 am
(he decides to keep you. simon can't remember the last time he's had a climax that spine stiffening in a while.)
#call of duty#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x f reader#simon ghost riley smut#simon riley x you#simon riley#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley x f!reader#simon riley smut
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