#Goddd i really just. i wish i hadnt kept screwing it over | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

blissfali · 5 months ago

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i need to complain and be miserable but its gonna involve me dropping my fragile facade of coolness for a moment and i need everyone to be really chill about it and remember how cool and awesome and collected i usually am

#ok #vent #I made a really stupid decision that i wanted to believe would work itself out #i thought if i didnt acknowledge it that eventually it would right itself #but it kept gettng worse tbh #i have a bad habit of doing that when i fuck up #i make a decision knowing that its a bad idea and instead of righting it myself i commit to it without recognizing the harm #i just wanted to do something that would bring me some excitement but i went into it KNOWING that it was not planned out and that it was not #worth it. it was a hasty rushed decision and i only did it for the thrill of impulsivity because the depression had been settling in when #the structure of highschool finally gave way #this whole time ive been trying to pretend like its not crashing down around me #and its not solely my fault but i shouldve said something and i didnt because i wanted somebody else to fox it #i just didnt want to recognize that i fucked up. i hate fucking up especially when i know i have before i even do it. Which sounds weird but #its usually in very specific situations #Goddd i really just. i wish i hadnt kept screwing it over #wish id never gone in the first place it was never going to be worth it #it was so rushed and i hate rushing big plans but i did it anyway #i hold myself to such high standards because if i dont then nobody else is going to #but the consequence of that is unimaginable misery the moment i make an error #and this isnt even an irreversible mistake like its gonna be okay #im gonna be inconvienenced for another few days but thats it #but im still upset #because its not the aftermath its the idea that ive screwed it up in the first place #GOD I SHOULDNT SAID YES HRNRJGKGOFODOEIDJ #im so tired im so angry im so upset and im so sad #guy whos not getting any sleep tonight guy who is sosososo mad at himself #whatever WHATEVER ILL GET THROUGH THIS😭#WHERE IS MY THERAPIST

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