#and will probably require a sensitivity read or two actually

[non-un-topo]

Lord help me I’ve gotten nothing done on my assignments today but I am outlining a fic that’s more like a bloody novel

[luvvixu]

mind over matter pt. 4

synopsis: witness how your marriage was bound to fall apart with you on the front seat and your husband gojo had missed the show—now, he gotta figure out the story on his own.

content: arrange marriage au, angst, husband!gojo, mean!gojo, mention of blood, strong languages, some unsettling scenarios, emotional trauma, read at your own risk

a/n: ok, im such a bad author now huhu, i always broke my promises about updating the new chapter :((( should've just wrote in advance but i'm afraid i don't have that enough free time oqsjjanswjaj anyways, here's the anticipated chapter!! THANK YOU FOR Y'ALL PATIENCE <3 MWUHEHEHHEEHHE

previous / masterlist / next

the next day comes and you've got yourself some visitors. megumi, yuuji, nobara, maki, and inumaki was in your room and they were all seated around you as you talk.

panda and your two third years were not around at the moment because this is a non-sorcerer hospital and people would freak out to see a big ‘talking’ panda. during your two third years, they were out of town and were on a mission but they still text you to get well and even send you some fresh flowers.

“wait, i still can't believe that he's your husband.” nobara couldn't explain his shock at the revelation. out of all, she didn't think that her goofy teacher was someone's husband.

you chuckled at her reactions as you turned your gaze on megumi, who's still his mouth hanging. “megumi, i thought you're getting a hint?” you tease the boy. although it was true, you actually thought he already had an idea because you've known him for almost his entire life and even once lived with you as a kid.

“no…” was only his answer.

“so, gojo-sensei was the one you're talking about when you said that he was a busy man. most of his job requires being out of town. but he never fails to shower you with love and he is making sure that you two would still communicate despite his busy schedule?” your eyes widened when yuuji literally just said what you had said from before, word-by-word!

“i—i supposed he is.” everyone in the room sweat dropped at your answer.

what do you mean you supposed?!

“y/n-sensei, is it okay if we ask your baby?” maki chooses the gentlest approach because she heard that post-pregnancy can make the mother quite crikey, sensitive, and is prone to depression. but to her relief, you respond to her warmly.

“oh, the baby is being treated since they're premature. i really can't wait to meet them once i get better. but right now, shoko was the only one who had seen my baby.” you smiled softly at the thought of your baby.

“gojo-sensei still hadn't seen the baby?” maki’s eyes went wide.

you nodded. “yeah, he said we should go together so i must heal quickly for that to happen.”

the door suddenly opened and it revealed your husband with food in his hand. you smiled at the packages not because you're hungry, but because you had finally persuaded satoru to go out and leave you even for just a few minutes.

how did you do it? well, you just give him an earful after what he did yesterday night and he's like;

“i don't know how you did it but you should've just gone to the convenience store or the hospital canteen just for an oatmeal and eggs. and look, i'm not upset over the fact that you just had the ‘very easy to get’ food delivered on this doorstep. what concerns me is you seem not to trust me very well to handle myself— well in fact i've been doing it since i was a kid and blah, blah, blah, blah…” it was your turn to yap but a little longer than he did. you even probably bought up some of his minor mistakes like not taking out the trash on random sunday night.

and he was like, “i'm sorry. i won’t do it again ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀)”

“y'all done backstabbing me?” satoru teasingly smiled at you all.

“oh, we're just getting started. so why don't you take a seat and hear us out?” you patted the empty space of your bed beside you.

satoru playfully huffed and gave the foods to his students and let them distribute it themselves. sitting beside you, he gave you the separate plastic with food and helped you feed yourself. the two of you had your moment with you telling satoru to just let you be and stop feeding you like a kid, but satoru was like nuh uh—and it goes on and on.

meanwhile, the students watch you two with surprise in their eyes. they still couldn't digest the fact that you two had managed to hide your marriage for like five years or so. and out of all spouses out there, they couldn't believe their eyes that you married a guy that is a total opposite of you.

“i still cannot really believe that you're married and have a baddie wife.” nobara almost never tears her gaze towards you two.

“yeah, much more is that they look so in love!” yuuji agrees to what nobara said as his words made you two stop bickering instantly.

like a cold water being poured, you two were suddenly experiencing a reality check that this so-called in love was very far from the two of you actually is. coughing slightly to hide his awkwardness and nervousness, he just let himself chuckle. while you? you're an expert at this, you maintain a smiley expression and wordlessly (and also forcefully) agrees to what the boy said.

“oh my, do we?” putting a hand on your cheek, you smiled with your eyes closed. your act looks so legit but satoru has seen this multiple side—he knew this facade was all fake.

maki suddenly puts herself into attention by calling your name. “anyway y/n-sensei, i've noticed you two don't have a ring—” before she could even finish her sentence, you already beat her to it.

“that's because the two of us, mostly him, are constantly fighting curses and both involve using our hands when we use our techniques. it would be risky to wear it and we're scared that we might get it lost or damaged.” you explain meticulously.

you watch the students agree to your explanation, while satoru is looking at you with meaning. you stared back at him too, hoping that he would get your telepathic message.

“alright guys, your y/n-sensei needs to rest now. we'll just see you guys soon or you can all just drop by tomorrow after your training.” satoru called everyone's attention by clapping his hands then started to playfully shoo the students.

you watch them pack their things and wave you a happy goodbye, in which you return their enthusiasm as well. when they all left, you let out a sigh and started to gently lie your body on the bed. satoru, who was done cleaning just now, sit at the end of your bed and carefully massage your legs.

“did you have fun with them?” you just lazily hum at his question and proceed to rest your eyes.

“i…i'm surprised you managed to convince them about our marriage.” satoru continued quietly.

opening one of your eyes and looking at him, you said, “of course, i've been doing it to a lot of people for the past five years.”

that alone made him shut up.

satoru looked down to his hands, which were still busy massaging your legs. you've noticed that his eyes were casted down and his behavior was somewhat familiar to you, he's feeling something that is related to guilt and regret.

clicking your tongue, you're in no mood to deal with his behavior today. so to find a solution to this problem, you just put yourself to sleep and let all of this just go on without a single care.

it has been two days and you're getting better day by day. today was probably the bestest day so far because you're about to finally see your own baby!

“calm down, mama. do you want your stitches to open again?” shoko holds your knees to stop it from shaking anxiously as you were currently sitting just right outside the neonatal intensive care unit (nicu) where your baby was.

you understand that the doctors need to prepare the room first before you all come in, but you wished that they speed it up.

“but sho, i'm finally seeing my baby!” you squeal at your friend who just ruffles your hair and tells you to be patient—in which you definitely can't.

meanwhile, satoru, who was standing beside you while you and shoko were sitting together, has been eyeing you since this whole waiting. he understands that you're excited about seeing the baby because he is too, he is excited. but he couldn't help but to feel a sensation that you would rather share your excitement with others than him.

he knows that he sounds ridiculous and undeserving to say that in the first place after what he did to put you through, but he still couldn't help it and he wouldn't even dare to say it to you.

the door of the nicu just opened and it revealed the doctor who was wearing protective gear to keep bacterias and viruses from entering the room and harm the baby. before he lets you all in, he first instructs you all to change the same gear as him and then proceeds to give you all some explanation in which you actively listen and take notes.

and after that, he finally lets you go inside.

the moment your eyes traveled on a crib, you saw your child laying down there with some breathing apparatus that is connected to their little body. you could feel your eyes swell with hot tears as you inch yourself towards the bundle of joy who's their crib was also protected with glass and only small holes on both sides were there.

satoru and shoko watched you with pure warmth at your sight—it was a nice scene of mother's love. finally, a tear escapes your eyes the moment you get a whole view of your child.

“isn't he pretty?” shoko said beside you, someone who you didn't notice had come near you.

you gasp, “he? m-my baby is a boy?” your cries go even harder, but it was just pure happiness. you couldn't bring yourself to tear your gaze away from your child even though he looks fragile for being premature but you love him dearly.

“can i touch him?” you look at the doctor who assisted you earlier without caring that you might look like a crying mess. you're far more thrilled to be with your child than to be pretty at this moment.

the doctor smiled at you and he agreed. he pointed out the small hole on the side, telling you to stick your hands out to feel your baby. you do what he said with your shaky hands, and when your fingertips touch his warm skin—you feel like you could die from the burst of euphoria.

“my b-baby, my baby is n-now here!” you really can't hold your emotions back as you keep on passing your fingers through your baby's arm until it reaches his closed hands where you slightly and gently open it for him to grab index finger. and when he does, your smile becomes even wider.

“hi baby~ this is me, your mommy. it's so nice to finally see you.” you whispered softly, hoping that despite the glass, he could hear your words.

this is the bestest day of your life. your baby was here and that's all you need.

the scene continues to unfold with you still getting emotional and shoko was just watching you with a smile on her face. while satoru, the father of the child, the husband of the mother, was a little distant but he could still see the baby. he was all quiet and couldn't bring himself to utter a word but he's not speechless.

his eyes behind those glasses were trailed on the child, but most of his gazes were on you. satoru watches you become all smiley—this is probably the happiest smile he had seen on your lips for the past years of your marriage.

and he would absolutely never forgive himself if he breaks it—but he already did.

shoko notices his odd behavior and promptly leaves your side for a while (but you're busy having a baby talk with your baby to notice her leaving) to go talk to him.

“what? you're just gonna stand there and watch y/n?” yup. still the same as before, hostile towards the man. satoru let out a sigh and didn't give her attention. instead, he walked towards y/n and just focused on his family.

“you’re so tiny!” you continue to cooed at your son who keeps on moving slightly which is a good sign that your son is responsive and fighting. you also noticed that satoru was now right beside you and is looking at your son too with adoration tinted in his eyes.

“i don't think i could let myself be away from him anymore.” you said. your cheeks were now hurting from constant smiling but you don't mind.

satoru only looks at you briefly because his attention was now on his son, fully. “hello, it was nice finally meeting you.” his eyes trailed on his own flesh and blood with the most care of all.

on the other hand, you're not dumb to not notice that satoru was acting hesitant towards this scene and you knew what his reason was. you think that satoru thinks that he was undeserving to be here, and you're correct about his assumption.

but as a woman who grew up with an experience of being inside a shattered family, you absolutely would not want that to happen to your own child. and as much as you would also like to satoru be away at least for now because you're still that sensitive about what he had said during those conversations in the clinic and hallway, you respect his role as a father.

you'd give him a chance to prove his worth as a father to your child, but he's far worse to have a chance to prove his worth as a husband to you. if he messes this up real bad and without any proper explanation, this will be all over—satoru would no longer have you and your child as his own family.

“stick your hand on his hole, that way you could feel him.” you guided his hand towards the hole that you had said before and watched his hands turn shakey as he reached for the baby.

once satoru had finally experienced a skin-to-skin touch with his baby, he wanted to cry so badly but he didn't allow himself to, at least not yet. he felt like this was one of the best moments in his existence.

satoru would like to punch himself for questioning the baby for his plans as he seemingly thinks it would affect him. but just when he look and touch his baby, all of his recollection about the mixed emotions he felt when the baby is on the board has suddenly vanished and it was replaced with gratefulness and adoration for both of you.

it was like a full 360 degrees turn was done after the early birth of his first born. plus, he had seen you be ever so happy that you are with him. and deep inside him, satoru deniably hopes that this kid, this child, can at least help him save this marriage that was destined to fail and doomed.

because he now finally realizes that you're slowly wrapping him around your tiny fingers.

your tears had made him be a better person, your recent experience had made him behave. it almost cost you and your baby's wife just for him to realize the importance of your five years of marriage, and he's planning to tell you that soon.

“have you finally decided what name we should give him?” shoko asked you and she didn't fail to see your eyes sparkle at the mention of name.

ah yes, baby names.

that was something that a mother and father should decide together because it comes very crucial because the name that your baby will get is a symbol of you two's relationship. but the thing is, you and your husband hadn't talked about a single thing or just anything related to this matter.

that's probably why you're still embarrassed whenever you think about nanami accidentally seeing you open a website into one of the school's computers about unique baby names with its meaning.

you're four months pregnant at that time and you're spending your free time in a teacher's lounge. you're very invested in your mini research to the point that you didn't notice an old friend peeking at your screen. you actually only notice his presence when you're about to stretch but accidentally bump his torso, and to your surprise, he was there.

and then the rest becomes a story and history. nanami helped you pick baby names for both genders or even unisex until you came out with…

“kazuki. let's name him that.” a soft smile was decorated on your lips as you watched satoru, who's looking at you, plays with the hands of your son.

“kazuki…that's a nice name, y/n.” satoru said happily. however, you can see his disappointment behind those words and you know why. you didn't even invite him to search for your baby's name because why would you?

“does it have any special meaning?” shoko asked you.

you nodded and said, “of course, kazuki means hope of peace—and i really need that.”

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[part 5 will be just there right around the corner — ©luvvixu2024]

[dollwritesarchive]

𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 — 𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ∣ smut ( minors dni ), fem!reader, fiancé!giorno, don!giorno, fingering ( f!receiving ), begging, edging ( him ), virgin!needy!reader, all characters featured are 18+ 

𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 ∣ I AM REWATCHING GOLDEN WIND SO ITS THE PERFECT TIME TO OBSESS OVER GIORNO AGAIN. posted for my hoe for the holidaze event.  do not repost or translate. please reblog && leave feedback. not proofread so there’s probably mistakes. thanks for reading <3

Giorno Giovanna was a difficult man to be betrothed to. 

not because he was calloused or paid no attention to you— it was actually the opposite. your fiancé doted relentlessly on you, always allowing you to sit in his office with him while he worked ( even during meetings in which his men would give you uncertain looks as they reported sensitive information to him ), and he’d always reach for your hand, hold it on your knee and allow his thumb to stroke the delicate skin as he spoke. he also loved to kiss you, and he would do so whenever he had a moment to do so. even if there was an emergency that required his immediate attention within the ranks; on his way out the door, he would always take the time to tilt your chin up so that he could trace your couplet with his own. 

and it was this amount of dizzying affection that made it so impossible to keep yourself from lusting after him. 

but Giorno was, first and foremost, one of the most chivalrous men you’d ever met. even with his Gangster status, he was always trying to do the right thing when it came to his future with you. and, unfortunately, one of his intentions had always been to keep your pure and virtuous until the wedding, so as not to shame your family. 

“I don’t want you to regret it.” he’d whispered to you once in the dark as he held you. you’d begged him to just take you already— traditions be damned. he wasn’t having any of it. “I want you to be ready to give yourself to me, and not just physically.” he’d kissed your temple when you grumbled about being ready, and chuckled softly. “Wait it out. If not for yourself, be good for me. I want to love you for the first time knowing you’re mine and I’m yours.” 

but that didn’t mean he wasn’t willing to satisfy your urges any other way he possibly could. 

“Please, don’t stop.” 

you were whimpering, back arching against the door he had you pinned to. Giorno had one hand pressed into the door behind your head to keep you from hitting it when you squirmed, and the other was moving under your skirt. with the long, lithe fingers you’d come to know so damn well, he could make you tremble and beg until you wanted to collapse on the floor in a heap of pathetic sobs. the first two curled inside, the svelte tips massaging a cluster of hypersensitive nerves that had you rolling your head on your shoulders, pressing it back against the back of his hand, and moaning. 

“D—Don Giovanna—“ 

but he frowns, pressing his forehead to yours. “My name,” he murmurs, allowing his lips to dance only inches from yours as he pumps his fingers deeper. you could feel the chill of metal as his rings, scattered on his remaining digits, press against your netherlips— he’d been considerate enough to take the two off of his fingers he intended to use on you, and they lay forgotten on the large, mahogany desk a few feet away. your hands were gripping his shoulders, but they slid over the expanse of his chest as it rises and falls with heavy breathing. you’d already untangled his braid, and his golden tresses hung around his face and shoulders like curtains, billowing as your ragged breath hits the strands. his shirt was also open, and you use the rare opportunity to dig your nails into the pads of muscles in his chest. “Say my name.” they were unyielding, but you already knew that. you could feel just how solid he was underneath his clothes when he pulled you in for a loving kiss or hugged you close at night. 

“Giorno…” you mewl, rocking your hips forward to meet his skillful pumping. “Giorno!” 

he moans, too. and it’s such a beautiful sound. 

pressing his body closer to yours, he nuzzles his face in your neck to kiss and suck all over, finding your sweetest spots in mere seconds, while his pace between your thighs picked up. you could tell he was enjoying it, too, breathing heavily on your skin before latching on to leave his signature in a love bite that would be easily covered by your collar. 

“Please— let me touch you, too…” you were hesitant, because you could feel him grinding a firm lump in his pants against your thigh, trying to relieve the pressure he felt, but you’d never been able to get your hands on it. but, you allow your hands to fall to his belt, the very tips of your fingernails dipping underneath to tease the faint trail of blonde hair that no doubt led to your desire. “Giorno, I want to feel you…” 

“Not yet,” he whispered, and you gripped his belt, frowning. he must’ve felt you inhale, ready to protest, because he pulls away from your neck to smother your mouth in fierce kisses, curling and twisting his fingers against your fluttering walls until you’re whining and pliable. “I’m dying to be inside you…” he moans into your mouth, pressing his body against yours. you could feel the tent jabbing at his zipper and you know it must be just hardly keeping his erection contained. it must be painful. “I want to feel you, too, amorina,” he crooned, breathless, using your very favorite pet name. “I’m starved for you. I’m just barely able to resist the urge to lay you on my desk. If I even feel your soft hands wrap around me, I’ll lose that battle.” 

your eyelids are heavy, flittering slowly, and you roll your hips to meet the palm of his hand. he was drawing you closer and closer to the edge, and you knew he was trying to distract you. “I want you to fuck me, Giorno.” you moaned, and you could feel every muscle he had go taut beneath his skin. the specter of a pinky blush was raising in his cheeks, olive eyes staring into yours. you take this opportunity to hitch one of your legs on to his hip, hooking your ankle against the small of his back to pull him closer. “I don’t want to wait anymore, please… please just give it to me!” 

Giorno’s mouth hung slack, his hips jutting forward as if instinctively trying to give in to your begging, and he presses your buttons from the inside with the pads of his fingers. your belly ties in knots and you swoon. “I can’t,” he whispered, breathless, and you squirm. you’re coming undone even as he refuses to give you what you really want. “I gave you my word when I put this ring on your finger,” his free hand slips from behind your head to reach between you and grasp your hand, pulling it up to his mouth so that he could kiss the jewel in the center, “that I would do… everything… I could to take care of you. Didn’t I?” 

you nod, moaning his name under your breath like a broken mantra. you wanted to argue, and tell him that you would be better taken care of if he would just strip you down and fuck you right here, right now, but you knew that wasn’t the case. because Giorno didn’t just mean physically. when he promised to take care of you, he meant to keep you safe, fed, spoiled. he wanted to keep your reputation as pristine as it was before you were engaged to the Passione Boss. 

“I intend to keep my promise.” he moans, his golden brows furrowed, as if it also pains him to say it. but Giorno’s resolve is strong, and you know that he means it. he kisses the ring again, and this time, your finger, too. 

“Damn you for being so— responsible—“ you whimper. you tried to poke your bottom lip out into a childish pout, but his digits were working too skillfully on your nerves, pulling the orgasm out of you, and you allow your mouth to hang open so you can cry for him freely. 

he chortles a bit, fondly, and kisses you again to muffle your sounds as you get loud. no doubt, his guards with their heads just on the other side of the door was getting an earful. hell, maybe even Mista would be red faced and unable to look you in the eyes when he escorted you to the car that would take you home to wait for your husband-to-be’s return. his hand slows in tandem with your aftershocks once you’ve cum, allowing you to ride his palm at your speed until you’ve come to a shivering, panting stop. “I’ll give you every ounce of pleasure that I can with my fingers until you’re officially my wife. As often as you’d like.” he husks, slowly breaking the heated kiss to pepper your forehead with a litter of slower, softer pecks. “And, when the night finally comes that I can give every part of myself to you, I promise to worship your body with my mouth, my hands, and my cock until you can’t possibly keep your eyes open or your legs from trembling. Amorina, I promise that, as your husband, I’ll not stop until we’re both in tears.” 

reluctantly, you allow your leg to drop to the floor, but you nod, throwing both arms around his neck, and you lean in to kiss his jaw. “Giorno Giovanna,” you purr against his lips, turning your head to allow them to fit better against yours. “Is there no way to change your mind once it’s made up?” 

he smiles again, and shakes his head, both hands finding your waist to hold you steady so he can deepen the kiss you initiated. after a moment or two, he pulls back. “Every time I kiss you, another pebble falls from the wall of my resolve. We’d better hold the wedding soon.” there’s a faint knock, three taps. Mista. he called out to Giorno that the car was here, and Giorno sighs, using his clean hand to caress your cheek. he didn’t want to send you away so soon, but you know he didn’t have a choice. 

nibbling on your own lip, you take his wrist and guide it back beneath your skirt, allowing his fingers to rub against your slick one more time, and gather your essence upon them. “Don’t stop thinking of me.” you demand, batting your eyelashes. when you release his wrist, he brings his hand up to his face and inhales deep. you didn’t miss the way he shudders when he catches your scent on his shiny fingers. 

“I would be the world’s biggest fool if I did.” 

[y-rhywbeth2]

D&D Vampire Lore Dump #1

Feeding and Diet It's actually more complicated than just "they bite you and eat your blood." Plus what they're able to eat; how often they need to eat; what happens to you if they bite you and what happens to them if they don't feed- spoiler: it's unpleasant. Incidentally, you should reload and kill Cazador again.

(I was comparing stuff across editions and compiling it into something more coherent and then figured I'd info dump about it in case my fixations are useful to somebody out there.)

DISCLAIMER: There are two things to note about the lore presented here: First, while the standard stat block in the monster manual is the default, in terms of lore vampires have this annoying tendency to be incredibly, stupidly varied. They are magical monstrosities ruled by the power of symbolism and superstition above anything else.

The next is that D&D is decades old, spans five editions, several settings and hundreds of writers. One guy establishes a piece of lore, and then the next picks it up goes "nah" and writes something else. I collected info from four different source books, all from different editions, which naturally don't entirely agree on how vampires work. Lore never stays consistent and may contradict itself. You may see information somewhere else from a source I don't have that contradicts what I wrote here. If you read this and like some of this stuff but not other bits, take the good and ditch the rest.

Basically, in D&D, canon is what you decide it is.

Feeding | "Biology" | Hierarchy | Weaknesses and Cures | Psychology

They only need to feed once in a 24 hour period. Vampires can survive between 3-9 months of starvation, but it's a terrible idea. -

There are three different categories of "Undead Hunger." Vampires have two of them and actually need to consume more than one thing to stay "healthy": Blood and life force. -

The blood is obvious. This is categorised as a "diet dependency." It's required to preserve their bodies and powers, and without it their powers* are suppressed as their bodies begin to shut down. *This refers to the powers a vampire gains with age; they cannot lose power they had as a newborn (the base stat blocks given for vampires and spawn given in the monster manual) A vampire requires the equivalent of 12 hit points of blood a day, or it begins to revert into a corpse-like state. Mentally they slowly regress into a desperate, mindless animal frenzy where they'll kill and drain anything containing blood they can get their hands on. Ultimately, if they don't get any blood then they revert into a corpse and they're trapped in their own body as it begins to wither and mummify. They're trapped in a coma, vaguely aware of the passing of time in flashes of awareness until somehow they are fed blood. If they ever wake up again, they will probably wake up feral and absolutely ravenous. -

Vampires rely on the victim's blood pressure to expel blood from the wound they create, lapping and mouthing at the wound rather than actually sucking on it. Being bitten is a highly pleasurable experience that victims can't help but desire, even when they know they shouldn't. -

While the damage done remains, the wounds from a Vampire bite closes itself quickly after the feeding (assuming you're still alive). It does however leave a mark. The bite mark itself is often "less than half an inch in length", and leaves behind a significant bruise that causes no pain or sensitivity to touch. Other side effects include fatigue and a weakened immune system. -

Vampires typically target sleeping victims (less likely to fight back) and favour the blood of their own race above others. So theoretically, Astarion finds elf blood tastes best. -

Drinking animal blood tastes bland and is health-wise akin to drinking tainted water: yes it might keep you alive in desperate times, but it's ultimately bad for you and will probably make you ill. That said, it has no mechanical detriments and a vampire that's forced to live on animal blood will be just as strong as its kin, but considerably bad tempered about it. -

A vampire's secondary feeding requirement is called an "inescapable craving", which means that if a vampire doesn't get that fix then their hunger begins to devour them instead. The pain is described as a spike boring into the vampire's brain, obscuring their awareness. They begin to obsess over feeding to the exclusion of everything else, they become willing to take ridiculous levels of risk to stop the hunger as they become more and more desperate. As they are consumed they become progressively more feral until they're just a rampaging mindless horror driven only by horrific hunger. For vampires, their inescapable craving is life force, which a vampire leeches from their prey through touch leaving the victim weak. Direct skin contact isn't required, if you're wearing full plate and/or the vampire is wearing gloves and they lay a hand on you they can still drain you. Mechanically these were combat abilities, energy/level draining occurred when a vampire struck a target with their own body (usually their hands). Before 5e hit them with a nerf bat, vampires could permanently weaken you this way (you could lose character levels from this). 5e also seems to have rolled life drain into the biting, so a vampire can consume your blood and energy at the same time. -

Post feeding, a vampire starts to look alive. Their skin is flushed and warm and they feel elated and energetic. In contrast, a vampire that hasn't been feeding properly becomes more corpse like and feels "sluggish" (I'm interpreting that as flu-like symptoms). It's purely emotional however, the vampire is no less capable and dangerous and suffers no mechanical penalties. -

Vampires can feed on other vampires, which is actually more filling than living humanoid blood and gives them the ability to communicate telepathically for a few hours. They don't like it though. If a vampire drinks from another vampire then they can be controlled by that vampire and the link forces them to feel affection for each other against their will until it wears off. The results of both vampires in question feeding on each other is described as "debilitating" since they both paradoxically become enslaved to the other's will and forced to "love" each other creating an absolute dysfunctional mess of control, obsession and resentment. The good news is that it only lasts a few hours. -

Some vampires can eat regular food (no nutritional value in it for them) while others would regurgitate it if they tried. As they retain their tongues, vampires can also taste food. That said, it's a bad idea for them to eat garlic, even if they can eat solid food. -

Some kinds of vampires don't drink blood. There's all kinds of weird and wonderful stuff a vampire might be required to consume instead. Spinal fluid stands out. Or the bit about ones who drain the ocular fluid from your eyes. Gale might find interesting things to talk about with the magic eating ones who prey on mages. They're much less common, probably something to do with most people not finding that very sexy. I don't think any of them exist on Toril.

[cantareincminor]

For the Sake of Appearances

It's obvious that Eden Academy is a superficial place, despite the efforts of Henderson and other teachers to uphold its educational mission. Like any elite institution, most of its students hail from rich families and don't actually need a degree from Eden to be more than comfortable in life. Most of them are there acting as proxies for their parents, to accumulate even more wealth and power, often by schmoozing with people higher up on the chain like the Desmonds.

Twilight of course is aware of the dynamics and rules of the game at Eden and is playing to win. He crafts an upper middle class cover that will fit in decently without being rich or powerful himself. He looks for a smart child. He looks for a wife. Because apparently only children with two parents can get into the school.

Throughout the whole story so far he has been concerned about his family's image, both so his cover won't be blown, and so that Anya will advance Plan A or Plan B. He is sensitive to Anya acting out of turn, like punching Damian, or falling behind academically and having no talents with which to gain extracurricular Stellas.

Back when the Imperial Scholars Mixer chapters came out (before I joined the fandom), I'm sure there was a lot of discussion about the moment Anya made her speech to Damian and said this:

The sadness around Anya not knowing whether her adoptive father even likes her dominates this chapter, at least for me. But on a second read I thought about Twilight's perspective here.

For someone who has been so worried about appearances -- making sure his family can at least pretend at cultured tastes and manners, somehow pushing Anya to get good grades or preventing her from failing (by breaking into the records room), and ensuring his own image is immaculate -- one might expect that Twilight would also worry about appearances here. His daughter just admitted to his chief target's son that she doesn't know if her father loves her. Is that not breaking the facade of a loving nuclear family, which he needed to project at the Eden admissions interview?

But, sadly, having a loving family isn't actually a requirement among the many appearances people have to keep up in the Eden crowd. Damian himself is exhibit A on that front. Both his parents hardly ever bother to visit him or talk to him, and as we see in Chapter 104, it's made him avoid going home except when none of his family members are there. From a utilitarian perspective, it may be good that Anya said this to Damian, so she could appear empathetic to his situation.

What is really interesting is that we don't get any of Twilight's inner thoughts about Anya's speech, probably because he's so focused on Donovan's arrival. All we see is an "Anya..." which could be Endo hiding any further insights on Twilight from the audience, or Twilight genuinely not knowing what to think, or Twilight turning off his over-analyzing tendencies for once and even forgetting to worry about appearances, because his daughter really got to him with that speech. If the latter is true, it might explain his behavior during the cruise arc where he tries so hard to please Anya, with the whole "I'm a normal father. A good father," piece. Bit by bit, he starts to care about more than just appearances or outcomes, and shows through his actions that he wants Anya to be happy. He doesn't tell himself that her happiness is for the cover or for the mission as often as before.

I really do hope that in some future chapter we get a callback to this scene in Chapter 37 where Anya was uncertain whether her father likes her. After 103, where we even got a brief flashback to their first day out as a family overlooking the shopping street, I feel a bit more hope that at some point Twilight will give Anya the reassurance she needs directly or indirectly.

Or maybe, Anya has already figured it out, from all the things he's done for her and how his behavior has changed gradually since that day in the courtyard.

[kangals]

ok so here's what we found out from kepler's embark results! buckle up, it's a novel:

to start, i did what i've done for the past 2 embark tests i've sent in, in that when activating the kit i said that my dog was a mixed breed of unknown type, and i opted to not upload a photo beforehand. and like the last 2 times, embark correctly deduced that kep was a purebred collie. so while there's some dna tests out there that definitely suck, i can at least confirm that in my own blind trial, embark got it right 3/3 times. they're great. anyway:

also keeping very in line with being a purebred collie, kep's COI came back at 42% - very high for a typical dog, but dead-on average for a collie. he shares 60% DNA with stellina (despite being on paper second cousins, which should be around 1-2% shared. woe to the collie genepool). he's got a bunch of the same relatives that show up for stellina, which is, again, not surprising. dogs from windcrest, overland, and thistlebrae pop up a lot - if you're familiar with US collie lines, you probably know them.

color traits! kep is confirmed as white-factored, which i was almost certain of based on the pattern of his white markings - you can find more info on it here (referred to as "flashy irish" white) but essentially collies that are white-factored carry the gene for "extreme white" or color-headed white. white is an "incomplete dominant" gene, meaning that one copy affects the dog a little, and two copies affects the dog a lot (remember this term!) two copies of the gene makes the dog almost entirely white (an accepted color in the US, but not the UK/europe i believe), whereas one copy of the gene makes the regular "irish white" markings (the classic white neck ruff and white socks) extend a little further than usual - you'll notice that on kep, his white extends over his shoulders and up to his knees. whereas on stellina (who does not carry the white gene), her white is restricted to her neck, front stockings, and back paws. one of kep's brothers is white, so we knew he likely carried the gene too.

he is confirmed as not a secret merle, though he technically could have been a cryptic/phantom merle - didn't think so, but worth a check.

so all of this is very expected - the health testing is where things get interesting!

embark tests for 265 different genetic health conditions, 4 of which are considered "breed-relevant" for collies: collie eye anomaly (CEA), mdr1 drug sensitivity, degenerative myleopathy (DM), and some immune thing with a long name.

immune thing - clear

DM - clear (not particularly common in collies, but it does show up sometimes and it is a nasty disease)

MDR1 - double copies! this is a recessive gene and kep is mutant/mutant, aka he carries both copies which makes him clinically affected. this is common in collies, as about 60-70% of collies have at least one copy. the good news is this just means we have to avoid/take smaller doses of certain medications and he otherwise shouldn't be impacted by it at all. also his breeder already tested him for this so i already was aware.

CEA - single copy! this is also a recessive gene, which means that kep is not affected/normal-eyed, which is actually pretty uncommon! it's estimated that between 70-85% of collies are affected by CEA (yes, the gene literally called collie eye is common in collies. wow.). i also was already aware of this since he was already tested (worth mentioning that if you buy a collie puppy in the US, a screening by an ophthalmologist to check for CEA is required by the breed club).

and then the plot twist:

embark tells me "oh hey, btw, there's two other genes you should know about"

"your dog has one copy of the gene for accumulating copper toxicosis"

fucking what

so yeah, after a lot of reading into this: there's a gene called ATP7B that's almost exclusively found in labradors, goldens, and dobermans which affects a dog's ability to filter out copper. excessive amounts of copper start to build up in the liver, and if it gets to be too much it can cause liver disease, failure, and neurological problems. remember when we talked about white and white-factored dogs, several thousands words ago? ATP7B is also an incomplete dominant gene - one copy affects the dog a little, two copies affects a lot. kep has one copy, which in theory means he is at no risk, mild risk, or moderate risk of developing copper storage disease in his life. not devastating, but not ideal.

the plot thickens!

kep also tested positive for the gene called ATP7A, which as far as i can tell is like the exact opposite of ATP7B (i know, the names suck). see, ATP7B causes copper to accumulate. but ATP7A has been shown to cause a copper deficiency. it's also incompletely dominant, so one copy impacts a little, and two copies (should) impact a lot - and kep has both copies of ATP7A.

so: kep has one of the "too much copper" genes... but he has also two of the "too few copper" genes. and studies seem to suggest that the two genes have a neutralizing effect on each other if they're both present in one dog - basically, they cancel each other out.

there's a handful of studies looking at the effects of these genes on dogs, but they basically exclusively focus on labradors and dobermans - one UC davis study even suggested that these genes might not even have an effect on other breeds. i could find absolutely no literature about these genes in collies, or even in herding breeds in general. embark helpfully added that they don't have enough data on this gene in other breeds to claim if they had any effect. the genes also appear to be sex-linked, and affect females moreso than males. one study on labradors suggested that although many dogs tested were carriers of ATP7B, few dogs were clinically affected, which would say that perhaps its not uncommon for dogs with only one copy to not be impacted.

(i'm also wondering if perhaps this could be the case for kep - given that he has 2 copies of ATP7A, he had to inherit one from each parent. given that these genes aren't regularly tested for in collies, is it possible that some lines carry them and are just clinically unaffected? it may be entirely incidental.)

so essentially, he does have one gene that may be nothing, or may cause mild-moderate issues as an older adult/senior. he also has two copies of that gene's natural neutralizer, and is male, and comes from clinically unaffected dogs. so... i think in retrospect, it's something to note on his chart and keep an eye on, but the odds seem to be very stacked in the favor of him either not being affected, or having only mild affects later down the line. could be a nothingburger, might be a little-somethingburger, unlikely to be a seriousburger.

that being said: i am VERY glad i decided to do this test! obviously i knew what breed he was, and his breeder had already tested him for the most collie-relevant conditions, so this was done on more of a whim, but it turned up this potentially important result that i now know to investigate. you'll hear a lot about how breeders who just do embark, or pawprints, or etc aren't doing complete genetic testing, because so many of the diseases these tests screen for aren't breed-relevant and lots of other conditions aren't testable. which is true. 265 genes and only 4 are considered for collies! but once in a blue moon, one of those random other genes will indeed flag, as is the case here.

so yeah: very interesting results! breed, COI, relatives, color, and most of the health is exactly as expected. but boy that one little health bit really threw me for a loop.

[hollow-lime-green]

hi!! just wondering if you have any stsg fic recs you’d be willing to share? i’m currently gobbling up 2sorcs like a gremlin and looking for something else to read between updates but i only really trust your opinions and characterizations which 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼 anyways love ur work and hope you’re doing well!!

Ah! First of all, thank you <3 I do have some fics I really like! I shall rec them and give a little anxiety disclaimer at the end.

Fic Recs - Shorties

it would make a whole - by @diggingupgrave 8.8k, T, First Year, Pre-Relationship, Emotional H/C oh i love this fic so very much. this may have been one of the fics that really got me thinking about their characterization in the first place, tbh.

As You Wish - by @haha-funny-valentine 2.5k, T, Post-Star Plasma Arc, Emotional H/C wonderful characterization here and I am just such a sucker for H/C.

The Heart of the Perfection of Wisdom - by @zombieheroine 16.3k, T, Prison Realm Gojo Character Study I took my skin off to check and I am shocked that this fic is not like, Doing Numbers. this fic is SO fucking creative and unique and I just. love. it. Definitely a big inspiration for FIYM. It's like Harrow the Ninth but for Gojo in the Prison Realm and like, oh my god so well done imo.

Longfic Recs with Caveats

and if you take my hand (series) - by @detta-pica 40k (Ongoing), T, Witch AU, Slow Burn Caveat: this is a WIP, and we're in the early part so very much Unresolved Romantic Tension. But I really like the worldbuilding in this and I'm excited to follow it as it keeps going, so big rec here if you like Plot and are down to follow some more ongoing fics. :)

coanda effect - by @bunniehoneys 250k, M, F1 AU, Slow Burn, Eating Disorders, Drugs, Bad Choices I am probably the last person in the world to read this fic so it feels silly to rec, but I'm doing it anyway because I'm a little obsessed. Caveat 1: also technically a WIP for another week or two

Caveat 2: TAGS check the tags. If you are at all sensitive to discussion of EDs, skip this fic, but I think it's done well and adds a lot to the characterization

Caveat 3: I am not caught up on this fic. it's one that I didn't let myself read for a while (see below) but F1 has a special place in my heart (my dad is into it, I used to live in a Gran Prix city, and I have watched WAY too much F1 Lets Play content).

I've been working really shitty hours for the past 48 hours (almost done) due to research that requires specific spans of real earth time. Because I don't have the focus to write right now, I've had the chance to read a little, and I've read about 75% of this gargantuan fic in windowless rooms on my phone, which has to say something about how much I love it lmao.

Disclaimer: I am a bad source of stsg fics because I actually don't read very many. If I read amazing fic then it tends to trigger the "you will never be as good as the old masters" part of the brain, although instead of real art like in the meme, my fic is putting gojo in a minecraft hoodie and making him do the gangnam style dance. Still.

I also get very unhealthy about metrics/numbers, which I mostly manage by using AO3 skins to block stats, but I still have some moments of weakness. So I try to avoid looking at stuff that I know might make me anxious/insecure about my own works and be unable to finish them (this has unfortunately happened to me before in the FE3H fandom, and that continues to weigh on me).

All that to say, there are some really big, nice, and well-loved fics by wonderful authors currently being updated, and I have read almost none of them. So this is absolutely not me saying I don't like their characterizations, I'm just kind of a hermit.

[leapingbadger]

Delivery

Summary: While on the famous Nerf Nugget delivery for Cid, Hunter and Echo clash over their philosophies and future plans.

Word Count: 1,323

Read on AO3

***

“Was that the last crate?” Echo asked as Hunter made his way up the step of the marauder.

“Uhuh,” Hunter replied, tossing the case of credits at him in the pilot seat.

“What’s our cut?” Echo asked.

“Not enough,” Hunter grumbled.

Delivering nerf nuggets wasn’t exactly the best use of his expertise he thought as he sank into the co-pilot seat.

“I’m not sure why Cid only sent the two of us on this mission.” Echo said, flicking a few switches above him and making the Marauder roar to life.

“It’s a delivery, Echo, not a mission. It didn’t require the whole team.”

“Maybe she’s got something else in mind for the others that she didn’t share,” Echo said pointedly.

Hunter paused and sighed, “I wouldn’t put it past her. The sooner we get going to sooner we get back and see what they’ve been up to.”

“Well, let’s hope she doesn’t try to sell any of them.” Echo said, eyebrow raised.

Hunter rolled his eyes and chuckled, “I did apologize for that multiple times.”

Echo laughed as he guided the ship through the dark grey clouds, “I know. Maybe next time we’ll sell you.”

Hunter laughed. “I’m not sure I’d make a very good droid,” he said, taking a bite out of a ration stick and putting his foot up on the console.

“You ever think of going into the entertainment business? There are a couple of Twi’lek’s at Cids who I know would pay for your company,”

“ECHO!” Hunter threw his half-eaten ration bar at his brother. Echo’s Arc trooper training came in handy as he ducked out of the way and shoved Hunter’s shoulder, grinning from ear to ear.

As they cleared the atmosphere Echo pulled the lever sending them into the hypnotic blue swirls of hyperspace. Hunter watched his brother relax in the pilot seat and tear the top off his own ration bar. He sniffed it wearily before taking a hesitant bite.  Hunter smiled, Echo did this every time he ate.

“It’s probably time to cut ties with Cid.” he said, his mouth full and muffled.

“I know,” Hunter said, running his hand though his hair. “But then what do we do? We need credits, clothes, food, fuel…”

“We could get in touch with Rex. Join his network…” Echo said. The blue light of hyperspace bouncing off the metal parts inserted into his skull.

He mentioned it casually, like it had just come to mind but Hunter knew he’d been ruminating on it since they’d last seen Rex on Bracca. Hunter hung his head as silence permeated the air and he thought how to respond. He wanted to be sensitive, show Echo that he understood the pull to his old squad mate. But his hesitation to speak seemed to give Echo impetus to continue.

“If we worked with Rex we could use his support system, senators, mechanics… we could do something that matters.”

“Keeping us safe and together matters, Echo.” Hunter said quietly.

He felt Echo’s eyes on him and lifted his head to meet them. The Arc trooper’s intense golden gaze was impossible to turn away from and very difficult to say no to. Hunter had learned that the hard way over the last few months.

“We’re meant for more than this, Hunter.” Echo said seriously. “You know that.”

“You sound like Crosshair,” Hunter said, involuntarily wincing at the mention of his lost brother’s name.

“He’s not right about a lot these days. But he was right about that.” Echo said gruffly.

Hunter shot him a look but again said nothing. Time as the leader of the squad had afforded him some perspective and learning to hold his tongue or wait to voice an opinion was one of the enduring lessons he took with him.

“I understand your hesitation, but we’d not be putting much more on the line than we do now.” Echo continued unabated.

“You know why we can’t do that.” Hunter said firmly.

“Why? because of Omega?”

Hunter sighed. Of course, it was because of Omega. She should have a peaceful life, An actual childhood. Over the last few months she’d been shot at, chased, kidnapped and almost died in a sinking city. She needed a break. He needed a break.

“She’s a child. She deserves…” Hunter looked around as though the right words would fall from the blue clouds of hyperspace, “…I don’t know, safety, peace, a family…”

“We tried to give her that with Cut and Suu, Hunter. She ran. She chose us, she chose this.” He gestured to the Marauder, scattered with bits of machinery, blankets, empty food wrappers and debris.

“She’s our responsibility, Echo. We have to make the best decision for her and the rest of the squad. Even if it’s not necessarily what we want.”

Echo stood up in frustration and slammed his scomp into the durasteel siding. Hunter watched as he walked to the back of the ship, left hand on his hip, his boots clanging on the grated floor.

It was rare for Echo to lose his temper. That was one of the reasons Hunter enjoyed having him as a member of the squad. With the big personalities of Wrecker, Tech and Crosshair, when he was with them, Echo was steady and sound. He was another voice of reason that Hunter could always rely on.

The light on Echo’s metal headpiece flickered rapidly and Hunter wondered if that was a visual clue to Echo’s racing thoughts. Hunter forced himself up to continue the conversation, knowing he probably wouldn’t like the outcome.

He sank into the red chair next to the communication array and swiveled. Echo knew he was there but kept his back to him for a moment longer. They had had a similar conversation on their way to Serenno, in the exact same spot.

“I understand that this isn’t what you signed up for when you joined us,” Hunter said softly “It isn’t something I would have signed up for either. But this isn’t a fight we can win. I don’t like running anymore than you do, it’s not in my nature but some things are more important. Keeping Omega safe is more important. Keeping you all alive is more important. I can’t change the fundamentals of our situation. But I understand if this isn’t where you want to be anymore.”

Hunter kept his head down but looked up at Echo, like he was taming a wounded animal. Echo’s large eyes flickered left and right as though searching for the right words.

“I lost so much time on Skako. I’m not sure how much more time I’m willing to…sacrifice, when I know I could be making a difference.” Echo said.

“I respect that.” Hunter responded gently, trying to keep as much emotion out of his voice as possible. He didn’t want Echo to leave. Didn’t want to be responsible for the desertion of another brother. But just like Crosshair, if that’s what he chose, who was Hunter to get in the way?

“I don’t want to leave,” Echo said. The corners of Hunter mouth ticked up and he tried his best to hide it but failed, “I know your jobs not easy, keeping us together and in one piece.” Hunter nodded, thankful for the acknowledgement. “But I’m not going to be able to do this forever.”

“Understood.” Hunter said. He clapped Echo on the shoulder and started to head back to the cockpit.

“Hunter?”

“Hmm?”

“I can’t believe I’ve never asked this before but what do you want?”

“What do you mean?” Hunter responded, confused.

“Out of life. What do you want?” Echo asked again, his gravely voice curious.

Hunter shrugged, “I dunno, nothing much. Settle on a remote planet somewhere. Watch Omega grow up. We could all have our own space but be close. You know, peace, I guess.”

“Hmm” said Echo with a wistful smile. “Sounds nice.”

“Maybe one day,” Hunter said.

[greenerteacups]

do you have any thoughts on luna and harry as a potential couple post-canon? i was reading your post on harry/ginny and i really loved your perspective on it, especially when you said your vision for harry post war was basically just lots and lots of big dogs (i LOVE that mental image and i agree it would be SO good for him!!) but i was wondering if you'd consider luna and harry to be a good match for each other? personally i have a sort of soft spot for the pairing because of how fond harry is of her in canon, and i think if anyone was going to understand and be unfazed by all the difficult trauma responses and long healing process he's going to be dealing with for years after the war, luna seems like a good fit :)

My love for Harry as a character is kind of unusual to me, considering I go pearl-diving for ships when I read things, and I fall in love with dynamics as a conduit to falling in love with characters. That said, I don't really ship him with anybody. I just genuinely adore That Weird Little Dude. Same with Ron; I'm just as pleased to see them with a range of people, because (A) I believe they're good partners and can have great relationships with many people (Ron Weasley get behind me they could never make me hate you Ron Weasley), but also (B) I don't see either of their canon relationships as Definitive. Some characters I ship together because I sincerely believe they are (non-deterministic) soulmates, in that they bring out parts of each other that make them the freshest, happiest, most interesting versions of themselves. With other characters, I'll look at a couple and go: "Huh. Could work!" and smack my giant rubber [APPROVED] stamp on it, then get back to work on my blorbos.

Luna and Harry are one of those couples for me. As I mentioned in that other post, I think Harry's primary requirement in a partner is someone who can treat him normally, i.e. will be generally chill about the Became Wizard Jesus Twice situation. Which is a big ask. Luna is uniquely capable of doing that because Luna is not normal at all, and so treats all things, extraordinary and ordinary both, as uniformly dazzling and delightful. I believe this is why Harry enjoys her so much in their friendship, because he gets to feel valued and treasured without feeling unusual or othered — a hard line to toe, and one even Ron and Hermione occasionally trip up on. He seems to like hanging out with her a great deal, and I think it says something sweet that he asks her to the Slug Club party instead of any of the girls in Gryffindor from his year, whom he'd ostensibly know better.

Luna is a bit of a cipher to me, I admit. We know she's the daughter of an eccentric and probably traumatized single father, raised without a mother; deeply lonely, because of how she's been ostracized for her beliefs and hobbies, and the victim of some degree of bullying for it; and yet full of a passionate, almost effortless wonder and joie de vivre. She's also intensely loving (cf. painting her friends' faces on her bedroom ceiling) and very hard to embarrass. She likes Harry for understandable reasons; they share most of those qualities (Harry's more sensitive to others' opinions, understandably so), and the only point where they diverge is their actual hobbies and interests. Harry seems pretty fond of her nonsense, and I bet she could sell him on crumple-horned snorkacks given some time — maybe if Hermione took a vacation to Switzerland and left them alone together.

In general, what I find sweet about the idea of these two is they're so chill. These are two people whose chief ambition is to hang out, enjoy their hobbies, and see some cool magical shit. Date night is so fucking easy for these two. Plus, Harry is a hothead a lot of the time, and Luna just... vibes. Literally never bothered. Insane levels of not fussed at all times. Very helpful for Harry, who has a bad tendency to bottle up his feelings and then blow up at the first person to sneeze at him. Conversely, I'd hope that Harry would age into the kind of genial, confident dude who would be able to rock up with a function where people were talking shit about Luna and be like :) My wife? You mean my wise and beautiful wife? Surely you are not talking about my wise and beautiful wife. :) instead of doing what he'd do from age 15-17, which is get mad and stomp around sulking. Which, again: teenager. Orphan. Non-stop trauma gauntlet from age 2-18. Excuses are made. But still. Would think it best if Luna's husband were not perhaps so keenly sensitive to gossip, for Luna's sake.

Anyway, these are just some dissembled thoughts. There's also something in there about Harry, boy under the staircase, falling in love with the magical world and ending up the Most Magical person, i.e., the person who took believing in magic to such an extreme that she imagines magic that doesn't exist yet. And Luna ends up with the one person who's inarguably stranger than she is.

[wander-wren]

small things to stop doing in your fics

(or any kind of writing, but i live on ao3. we begin with flat-out crimes and then slowly start moving into things that just bug me personally but aren’t wrong)

epithets. if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a thousand times. you should only be using epithets for characters whose names we do not know. they can also be used VERY rarely to break up the repetition of names/pronouns or to emphasize characters’ relationships/viewpoints, ie “his boyfriend” or “the asshole.”

writing out accents. please stop. you can include a couple of small things, like “somethin’” or “ya” (for “you”), but even keep that to a minimum. specific turns of phrase/references go way farther imo to establish a character’s culture/background/etc. a little goes a long way, and doing it repeatedly can make sentences hard to parse. this also! applies! to children and babytalk! have you ever listened to a child speak? toddlers can enunciate pretty well!

not enough commas. put commas before names and titles. it’s not “Hey John” or “I’m on it captain,” it’s “Hey, John” and “I’m on it, captain.” also, put them after discourse markers/interjections such as “well,” “so,” and “now.” you should be writing “So, how are the kids?” not “So how are the kids?” even if your character is speaking quickly, you still want the commas because of grammar. it can occasionally be acceptable to omit them if you want to indicate extreme excitement/panic/anger/etc, but use it sparingly.

too many commas. i’m a comma fiend like the rest of you so i’m guilty here too, but we gotta at least stop with the comma splices. commas split and independent and dependent clause, meaning that one part of the sentence cannot grammatically stand alone. if all parts are complete sentences on their own, that’s a comma splice. try splitting it into two sentences, using a semicolon, or rewriting. this is usually fine in dialogue, though, that’s just how people talk.

also, using a lot of commas to denote panic is something i used to be HUGELY guilty of and now i hate it. instead of, “I, I, I don’t, I don’t know,” you can try, “I-I…I don’t—I don’t know!” probably not that much punctuation that close together, but for the sake of example. emdashes and ellipses, my beloveds 🫶

roleplay speak. i don’t know what else to succinctly call this? i’m referring to the tendency to be redundant and over-explain, especially in dialogue. it’s a phenomenon i see constantly in rp circles, usually because of post length requirements (and i have little issue with it there, it’s just the culture). things like:

“Surprise!” Adam shouted, popping out from behind the door.

“Oh my god!” Scott screamed, having been completely startled and not expecting Adam to be home yet.

yeah, we can guess that Scott is startled, right? because of the screaming? and clearly if Adam is surprising Scott it stands to reason his presence is unexpected? why are we stating this twice?

i believe this also comes from the mistaken idea that every line of dialogue needs a tag attached, which is….horrible. you can let the dialogue exist on its own sometimes, friends. you can also include an action beat without a tag. like above, i could have just said “Adam popped out from behind the door” and omitted the shouting altogether. we can assume he is being loud because that’s usually how people do surprises. anyway. moving on.

condescending to readers. this isn’t so much about writing as it is author’s notes and the like, and “condescending” may be a strong word, but i’m trying to be succinct. at any rate, please stop telling your audience to not read your fic? “do not read if sensitive to [blank]” or “if you have [disorder] skip this fic!” is a horrible way to trigger warn. people know their own boundaries. tell them what the work actually contains and let them self-select.

i also find “rest stop/check-in” type notes condescending, like “if you are reading this between the hours of 10pm-4am, go to sleep” and “STOP! have you eaten/drank/walked around in the past few hours? go do that!” again, we know ourselves. i’m not your kid, don’t tell me what to do. i don’t mind a polite, casual little “thanks for reading, remember to drink water and take your meds, bye” note, though.

the others in this category? i will straight up not read the fic over that on some days. ESPECIALLY because, in my experience, the people who are most intense about warning for every little thing are the ones with the mildest fics, and that’s not what i’m here for.

complaining about your own wrong tags. this is, admittedly, such a nitpick, and it definitely is more common in certain communities than others. but as longtime followers may know, i’m a bit obsessed with ao3’s tagging system and it drives me BONKERS when people use the wrong tags and follow it with “not actually but there’s no tag for xyz.” here’s the thing: you can still look at all the works that have ANY tag, just the non-canonized ones can’t be filtered on. and the best way to get a tag canonized is, guess what, to USE it! imagine that. also, if you’re using the wrong tag, you’re just going to clog the filter results and get people who don’t actually want to read your fic. just stop.

[angelsandemons]

I know this is probably never going to happen, but one big hope I have for Season 2 of Hazbin Hotel is that Lute does NOT get a prosthetic arm.

Becasue the thing about prosthetic arms is that they are actually much, much more useless to the person wearing it than something like, say, a prosthetic leg. You wouldn't know that though, because like 99% of arm amputees in fiction have one. And if there is any semblance of technology or magic in that story's universe, the arm just magically works exactly like a natural flesh and bones one.

And this might seem harmless on the surface, but it's exactly this kind of narrative that leads real life amputees to get so frustrated when they get their prosthetic arms and hands. They think it's going to be like the movies, and that with a little bit of an adjustment periods, it's going to be just like it was when they had two arms before.

But it's not. The hands in particular are incredible complex things that we just haven't found a good reliable way to mimic. Something as simple as holding picking up and holding a glass requires so much control and pressure sensitivity to keep you from either letting it slip out of your hand or accidentally crushing it, and mimicking that with a prosthetic is hellishly frustrating. Time and practice only helps so much with this, and it is very cumbersome to take on and off. A surprisingly number of prosthetic arms and hands end up in the closet collecting dust, because the person using it slowly realizes that using what remains of their natural limb is actually easier for them in the long run.

"So why does anyone wear it in real life then?" you might ask. While I'm sure there are a few people who actually find it helpful for tasks, from what I've read, the majority of amputees use it to make others more comfortable. You get far fewer uncomfortable stares when you're wearing the arm than when you just go without, and I think part of this is because there is near 0% representation of amputees who choose to put their own comfort above the abled people around them.

[rmd-writes]

weekend wip game (I stole your banner Lola, soz)

Tagged by @welcometololaland @jesuisici33 💖

1. WIP List:

I don't really have any real wips currently (okay, there is one), I'm in that weird limbo where I finished my last project and am about to start another, but I guess I can do this for anything I've given a little thought to - some have an actual plot, some have a line or two or dialogue, some are just a concept

Call Me (By My Name) - a Tarlos collab with @welcometololaland this is actually the thing I'm about to start working on

SC Frozen Over 2023 fic

Tarlos gym AU series

Firstprince dog meet cute AU (aka Frida fic)

Tarlos model AU

Tarlos spy AU

Vet!TK/social worker!Carlos fwb to lovers AU

Firstprince childhood friends to exes to lovers tattoo shop AU

Lawyer AU pt 3

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

The firstprince dog meetcute is the only one that I've actually put words to

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

Either Call Me (By My Name) because Lola and I have no control over words when we write together, or the Tarlos model AU has the potential to spiral into something lengthy

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

Pass. See above re not actually working on any of them yet. But the collab is going to be super fun because it's low pressure and we just vibe

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

The firstprince tattoo shop AU because the way I want to tell the story, it has two timelines and I want it to be non-linear. Also the Tarlos spy AU because it's so out of my wheelhouse

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

See above

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

I have almost everything that isn't just PWP beta read! I like having trusted friends in my docs, it gives me motivation to write and also I am needy and require validation while I'm writing. Beta readers make such a difference though - I can edit my own work and come up with a pretty clean copy when I don't use a beta reader - but it's always good to get fresh perspective to address any plot holes or just add that little bit extra. And also to remind me that sentences should not be 5 lines long all the time and point out when I use the same word 3 times in one paragraph 😅

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?

Oh it's not on the list because I don't know if I'll ever go back to it, but

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

Lawyer AU part 3, because Brianna (Alex's PA) is an absolute queen

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

either the gym AU (I mean, if you've read the earlier parts of the series, you'll know why) or the Tarlos spy AU or Call Me (By My Name) (the things Lola and I have ✨planned✨ 😌😌😌)

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

Probably the firstprince tattoo shop au because it has an exes element

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

lol none of them yet

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

I never remember my dreams!

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't?

As above, the firstprince tattoo shop au will have dual timelines and be told in a non linear way

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?

Call Me (By My Name) because it's Lola and I, so expect sexy vibes with a healthy dose of chaose

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

Lawyer AU pt 3 is going to be mostly outsider pov!

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

If I manage to get my shit together and actually write some SC fic for the Frozen Over fest this year, that will make it three years in a row that I've participated in that fest 💖

Tags and questions for artists/gifmakers under the cut!

Tagging: @orchidscript @carlos-in-glasses @goodways @lightningboltreader @reasonandfaithinharmony @guardian-angle22 @herefortarlos @fitzherbertssmolder @never-blooms @liminalmemories21 @freneticfloetry @ambiguouspenny @lizzie-bennetdarcy @wandering-night19 @sherryvalli @heartstringsduet @iboatedhere @clottedcreamfudge @kiwiana-writes @cricketnationrise @sunshinestrand @stereopticons @ramonaflow @chelle-68 @hearitinthesilencesilence @leaves-of-laurelin @maxbegone and anyone else who wants to play

Questions for artists/gifmakers

1. WIP List:

2. Which WIP is your most complex?

3. Do any of your WIPs involve you using a technique/style that you haven't used before? What inspired you to try it?

4. Which WIP do you expect will take you the longest?

5. Which WIP are you finding the most enjoyable to create?

6. Do you have a favourite character to draw/stitch/paint/depict? Are they in many of your WIP projects?

7. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of creator's block?

9. Do any of your WIPs contain characters outside the main ship? How are you finding creating those?

10. What emotions are you hoping to convey through your WIPs?

11. Are there any features/details you are finding challenging in your WIPs?

12. Which WIP has the most complex shading/colouring?

13. Which WIP has the most complex background?

14. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for?

15. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

16. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other art doesn't?

17. Are any of your WIPs commissions?

18. Do you have a character that is more difficult to draw/stitch/paint/depict? Are they in many of your WIP projects?

19. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

[mariathechosen1]

Queer participation and representation in fanfiction: An update

Hello! 

Some people might be aware of the fact that last week I posted a survey I was doing as part of research project for a Norwegian research competition. I was expecting about 50-80 answers, but instead got about 8300…this is a lot of answers. For quite some time this was more ‘Maria’s silly little fanfiction project’ and so, due to the nature of the competition and the expected sample size, official university requirements weren’t prioritized. Since then, me and my research supervisor have been in contact with the university organizing the competition to ask them “What the hell do we do?” and after much discussion we’ve decided to redo the study.

The survey itself can be found here: https://forms.gle/Tcoafs9dU627PNcn8

Update: The survey is now closed!

 FAQ:

‘What does this mean?’

The main differences are that we’ve had to remove the two questions asking the survey taker about their gender identity and sexuality as these are considered to be sensitive information. We’ve also decided that to participate in the current study, you have to be over 16 and we’ve changed the requirements so that this study is only for queer individuals. There’s an added ‘terms and conditions’ page that one must consent to before taking the survey to confirm this.

  ‘I participated in the past study, what happens to my answer?’

Any past data from the former survey will be deleted. I know that some people might be a little frustrated over this (A big thank you to all those who wrote 800 word essays in the original survey), but the past data would simply not be valid. I apologize for any inconvenience this might have caused, but that’s what we’ve been recommended to do. If you want, you send in a new answer to the updated study.

 ‘I didn’t participate in the past study, can I still answer?’

Yes! Anyone who is 1) queer, 2) over 16 years old, and 3) familiar with fanfiction, whether that be through reading or writing it, can participate in the new study.

 ‘Why didn’t the original survey follow these new criteria?’

The simple answer is that getting 50 answers is very different from getting 8000. Getting this much engagement made us realize that this was actually a topic that a lot (and I mean A LOT) of people are engaged about. The research competition is, for the most part, designed to introduce younger students to proper research and study methods, and so requirements weren’t as strict as they would be for a scientist with years of experience. Now that we’ve realized the potential of this study, though, we’ve decided to try and conduct it befittingly.

If it weren’t for the fact that the competition deadline is in April, we probably would have applied for special permission to ask more specific questions about sexuality and gender, but alas.

 ‘Will I be able to read the project after it’s done?’/’Will you post the survey results?’

This is still under consideration, but if the project does manage to win the competition, the organizers will publish it on their website. If it doesn’t, we will most likely decide to publish it on our own. I also feel it’s relevant to mention that even though it’s slightly frustrating to have to do the survey all over again, the positive side is that after many emails with the organizing university, they’ve gotten very interested in this project and has, along with us, realized that the potential for fan studies is a lot bigger than what one might have thought. The future is still unknown, but they have inquired about doing something more with the research in the future, so who knows?  

 ‘I have a different question about the survey questions/project/research.’

If (and this is a big if) you have a casual question or inquiry about any of the survey questions or the project details, you can send me either a message or an ask (Though I would prefer a message). I get that some people feel a little awkward sending a full email if they have a small informal question about how something is phrased, for example, but please send any serious questions about methodology, data privacy or our qualifications to the study’s research supervisor. Preferably in a respectful manner.

[the-princess-of-loki]

Busted

A/N: Pic's not mine! Just found it on Pinterest. All credit to the original artist!

I was sitting on the couch in front of the TV. Thor was next to me and even though there was a spot left on my other side, Loki decided on sitting on the sofa next to the couch we were occupying at the moment. Even though I was much better than the God of Thunder as regards technology, he decided he wanted to pick tonight’s movie and so I let him, chuckling softly every time he cursed because he couldn’t get the film he wanted. I even teased him about the usage of his hands, which earned me frustrated grunts from the blond and little chuckles from the dark-haired. 

I was ready to try and grab the remote when we heard the bell ringing. It was probably the pizza guy, so I took the chance to get out of the living room before losing all my patience with my dear friend. I paid for the two pizzas (Thor ate one just by himself) and went straight to the kitchen area, leaving the pizzas on a counter for later. As I carefreely walked back to the living room, I  sensed the tension there. I looked confused at the two Asgardian brothers. I was gone for twenty minutes maximum, what could have happened between them? I didn't hear them screaming, so they probably didn't have an argument. Thor was looking down at his joined hands, while Loki was looking outside the window. A small shade of pink covered his sharp cheeks. When I was about to ask them what had happened, I noticed that my phone wasn't where I left it. It was now closer to Loki on the coffee table and the lock screen was visible. I gasped.

No.

"Y/N, we are so sorry, your phone rang when you weren't here so we thought that maybe-" Thor started, still looking at his hands.

"You both had no right to look at my phone!" I screamed which made them both look at me in disbelief. I have never screamed at them before. But this was massive. On my lock screen, I had a picture of Loki in his blue armour, with both his daggers on each hand, and a speaking bubble above his head that read 'Don't touch my darling's phone'. I felt my cheeks turning red. I grabbed my phone quickly when it started ringing again.

"As I said, we're sorry. But, Y/N, why didn't you tell me that you liked my brother?" Thor's blue eyes shone with happiness and confusion. Sometimes he was like a child.

"Shut up, Thor. You're making this incredibly more uncomfortable for all of us," Loki intervened, not looking at me at all.

He probably thinks that I'm insane or something. Probably doesn't want to see me anymore, let alone talk to me, I thought while the anxiety was invading my thoughts. I wanted to cry, but I needed to save the last little piece of dignity I had left.

"You have ruined everything. I'm never speaking to you again!" My voice broke at the end, but I ran to my bedroom before I actually started to cry.

Once I was in the confinement of my bedroom, I threw myself on the bed and, hugging my pillow, cried my heart out as silently as I could. It didn't help matters that Loki had super sensitive hearing. I was so ridiculous I couldn't believe myself. How could I ruin this? Loki and I were on good terms, but now he probably thought that I was another one of his fangirls obsessed with him. What made me different from them anyway? I followed his every step on his social media accounts. Granted, he didn't run them, but all the Avengers were required to have one. Besides, it helped him to have a 'better public image' according to the Avengers' public relations team. Anyway, I followed him on every account, saved his pictures, and even thought about him before going to sleep. I was obsessed with him. 

A knock on my door took me out of my self-pity state. I didn't want to get up, but the knocking became more persistent. When I didn't open it, I heard the cracking my door did when opening it. I buried my face in my pillow even deeper. It was probably Thor, and he didn't know what to say in these situations.

"Thor, I really don't want to talk right now," I said without moving. However, I heard footsteps and then someone sitting on my bed. 

"It's me," Loki whispered, putting one of his hands on my shoulder. I gasped and didn't dare to look up at him. "Will you please look at me, darling?" He asked in a whisper. 

"What for? So you can look at me straight in my face when you tell me that I'm a creep?" I asked with my face still on my pillow.

"I do not know what you are talking about, dear. Please, just look at me," I sighed and turned on my bed so I was laying on my back. I looked at him with my puffy red eyes because of my crying.

"You didn't have to know what I keep on my phone. I'm sorry, Loki," I whispered while closing my eyes. Even when he wanted me to, I couldn't look him in the eyes. Those green eyes were my downfall.

"I didn't mean to invade your privacy. I am very sorry, Thor told me that maybe it was urgent. I shouldn't have listened to my brother, I am sorry, again," He said while grabbing my hand and caressing it. I looked at him confused.

"No, you don't have to apologise, Loki. I…" I lost myself in his eyes, so I couldn't finish my sentence. Loki looked at me with a soft smile on his face.

Before I was able to react, Loki inclined until his face was inches away from mine. He caressed my cheek with his free hand as my breath caught in my throat. I thought that I was dead when his lips touched mine in a soft and sweet kiss. His lips felt like velvet, caressing mine with such care that I felt as if I were made of crystal. 

"Is this okay?" Loki asked in a whisper, resting his forehead on mine. I didn't open my eyes so I would be able to speak.

"Y-yes, of course it is," I whispered back. I couldn't help the stutter, and I was completely sure that my cheeks were completely red. But I didn't care at the moment. Why would I? Loki was caressing my cheek softly, holding my hand and asking me if he could kiss me. I could have gone to heaven for all that was worth.

"I didn't know that you thought of me in that way, darling," he purred as he kissed my other cheek, my nose, my closed eyelids, everywhere. "And just to be clear, you are my darling and I wouldn't let anyone touch your phone. I didn't even let Thor touch it earlier," His low chuckle resounded in my ears and I tried to save that sound forever in my memory. In a newfound courage, I put one of my hands on his sharp cheek and the other entwined with his black curls.

"Will you please kiss me again, Loki?" I begged him completely lost in his shining green eyes.

"With pleasure, darling."

This time I was expecting the contact of his lips, however, my heart wasn't. It beat so hard against my chest that I thought it was going to get out of my ribcage. But I didn't care. I could only focus on Loki and the way his lips and hands were caressing me. I felt adored for the first time in my life with a simple kiss. The way his hand caressed my cheek, the way his lips moved on mine, the way his other hand grabbed mine and his thumb caressed it, everything he did was with such care and devotion that I felt unworthy of it. More so coming from a god like him. 

But I didn’t let that unwanted thought stop me. I caressed his soft raven curls with my free hand as I tried to devour his lips with mine. I couldn’t help biting his lower lip, making him gasp and groan at the same time. Now that his mouth was slightly open, I timidly let my tongue out to caress his thin and winter-like-tasting lips. Loki immediately took the initiative and joined his tongue with mine, caressing it slowly and sensually. I was out of breath too fast for my liking, but I ignored my lungs which complained about the lack of oxygen. I let him explore my mouth completely, and at the same time, he changed his position slightly so he was laying next to me on the bed. His hand that was on my cheek travelled down my body until it found its place on the side of my waist. Our other hands were still joined, so I used the one I had on his hair to caress his jaw, his neck, his chest, and his abdomen and finally placed it on his nape. I felt his muscles tense and then relax when I caressed them, and little groans escaped his mouth that was completely joined with mine.

We were both out of breath when we pulled back, although he kept nuzzling my nose with his. I slowly opened my eyes to find those beautiful green orbs looking straight into mine. I was completely hypnotised. He could have asked me anything and I would have done it without questioning.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” he whispered after gifting me another sweet peck on the lips. “I just need to hold you close and wake up next to you so I know that I am not dreaming again,” His cheeks turned an adorable pink shade. I smiled.

“Yes, Loki. I, too, need a reminder that I’m not dreaming about you,” He chuckled a little and held me close to his body. While he caressed my head, I simply enjoyed his naturally intoxicating aroma.

“May I ask where did you get that picture of me?” He asked cautiously as if he were afraid to say something wrong. The heat went up my cheeks.

“Your social media account run by the marketing department… I just edited it a little so it would say that…” Again, he chuckled and kissed my head.

“Well, I look great in that picture, and what it says it’s true, so…”

He left the sentence hanging in the air, as he held me closer to him.

A/N: I really think it's important for us authors/writers/whatever you want to call us to normalize asking permission for a kiss. I like it when there's an unexpected kiss, but only if it is consensual. In this case, Loki has been constantly used and abused in the MCU, in my opinion, so I think he needs someone to take care of him like we do in the fandom. Anyway, I hope you like it! Comments, likes, reblogs, everything is appreciated! 🥰🥰

[defyinggravity-elsa-rp]

Frozen 2 Letter to Disney Animation

((Two years ago, I wrote a letter to Disney Animation about my grievances with Frozen 2, and they recently wrote me back. I will include the response in another post, but since people were asking me what I wrote in the letter, I thought I would post it here. Buckle up, because it is long and unhinged. It also gets really personal, so bear with me.))

Dear Staff of the Walt Disney Animation Studios,

My name is Laura, and I am 33 years old. You probably don’t get a lot of letters from people my age, but my love for Disney movies never wanes as I grow older. I’ve been a fan for my whole life and grew up with the Renaissance films of the 90s. As an adult, Disney is one of my favorite sources of fantasy and escapism, and I love how complex and dynamic so many of your characters are. I actually began this letter at the beginning of 2020, and have been working on it for the past year and a half because I wanted it to be just right. It also required digging into deep emotions that aren’t always easy for me to handle, so that caused delays as well. My original draft was also seven pages long, so I had to condense it.

The reason I am writing to you is to discuss Frozen II. I am a HUGE Frozen fan, and it is my favorite Disney film next to Hercules. Elsa is my very favorite character, for so many reasons. I love that she was a flawed human who had magical powers instead of a stereotypically perfect super-heroine. I also see a lot of myself in her, and have connected with her deeply since I first saw the movie. I share a lot of her traits (like being artistic and introverted), but I also saw a lot of parallels between her story and my own life. When I was a kid, I got picked on and bullied by other kids, so I spent a lot of time alone and isolated. I was very different from everyone, because I didn’t follow trends and was very enthusiastic about my likes. I was also very sensitive and wore my heart on my sleeve, which made it more fun for bullies to target me. Many adults, including my own mother, often told me to not express my feelings or interests so that I couldn't give my tormentors things to pick on me about, so I literally had my own "Conceal, don't feel" instructions. Of course, even when I tried, my emotions were always written on my face and my parents often helicoptered over me trying to help, just like in the flashbacks of Elsa trying to control her powers in her youth.

I also have anxiety and depression, which is a huge reason why the first film resonated with me. I’ve always felt like Elsa’s magical outbursts were much like my emotional outbursts— I try to hold my emotions in, but they build up more and more until I explode, and then I just beat myself up for it and every other mistake I’ve made. Just like Elsa, I have a tendency to be very hard on myself and overanalyze every single thing I do, think, and say. When Jen Lee confirmed on Twitter that "It was important to show anxiety and depression in Elsa," I felt so seen. An openly mentally ill character in a Disney movie? It was a HUGE deal and provided such amazing representation, which is sorely needed because there's so much stigma with mental health. People don't understand depression and anxiety and are so quick to judge, so to have Elsa have those conditions is so very, very important. 

Over the past seven years, Elsa has been a huge source of comfort and joy for me, especially during the dark times. "Let it Go" has been a staple song on my life, reminding me to embrace my weirdness and not hold onto the past. "Monster" and "Dangerous to Dream" from the Broadway show are beautiful songs for when my mental illness acts up, because even though they're not the happiest songs, they're still therapeutic to sing. I've often referred to Elsa as my “comfort character," because she's been such a crutch for me for so long. Watching the film, reading fanfiction, drawing/looking at fan art, cosplaying Elsa, etc. was my favorite escape from the real world and from my own head during hard times.

When the sequel was announced, I was beyond ecstatic and had such a hard time waiting for so long, but I knew good stories take time. I ate up every book, comic, or short that was released over the years, because my appetite for Frozen was insatiable, and still is. However, I will be honest, while I did enjoy most of Frozen II, there were some things that left me feeling very let down and even heartbroken, and that is why I’m writing to you. I’d like to clarify that I'm not writing this letter to make demands or hurl insults. I know all of you put your hearts and soul into this film, and I have nothing but respect for everyone who worked on it. This is just a heartfelt, honest letter from a devoted fan who wants to see the Frozen franchise continue to thrive. I want more stories, and I want people to respond to them the way they did the first movie. I want more awards for the creators more good reviews, more success other than profits at the box office. I know I'm not your target audience at 33 years old, but I still hope you will hear my feedback.

I enjoyed most of the movie. The music, animation, scenery, and visual effects were BEAUTIFUL. I liked the implementation of Norse mythology and the lore that was set up, as well as the new characters, even though I feel like they could have used more screen time and development. I liked Anna’s arc, and Olaf’s recaps were hilarious. I adored seeing Elsa interact and connect with animals (like I do), because I always figured she probably didn’t handle them much in her youth, for fear of hurting them. I imagine she would love reptiles, like Bruni, because she probably knows what it's like to be feared and misunderstood. I also enjoyed seeing her heal and grow more confident in her powers, as well as seeing her sassy side. There are honestly a lot of good things to say about the film, and I loved the themes– I just feel like they could have been executed better. I’m so sorry if any of this comes off as rude.

My first issue is with the treatment of Hans, which is probably not something you hear often. (I’ve gotten a lot of judgement and grief from other fans for liking him.) I have always enjoyed him as a character, even though what he did was horrendous and I'm glad he failed. However, I still feel he has a lot of potential as a very dimensional character, and I completely believe he is redeemable. I know the book “A Frozen Heart” by Elizabeth Rudnick isn’t canon, but I feel she did a really good job of fleshing him out. Even from the bits we get on his backstory in the movie, I just feel like he was so desperate to get away from his family that he got carried away, versus just being completely evil and heartless. Whatever his canon backstory may be, it doesn’t excuse what he did, but I still believe he’s not so far gone that he can’t become a better person.

I was so excited when Santino Fontana said in an interview in 2015 that the writers told him they wanted to redeem him, and held onto that excitement for four years. So naturally, during the charades scene in F2, when Elsa called him an "unredeemable monster,” it felt like the writers were mocking those of us who wanted a redemption arc for him. I also don't understand why Elsa danced when she saw the memory of the Duke in Ahtohollan, then waved him off like he was a minor nuisance, but when she saw Hans, she had to break him immediately. Did the Duke not send two men to try to kill her in her ice castle? I feel like the Duke's villainy is often trivialized just to make Hans look worse so that he can be bashed harder. I really feel bad for Santino, because I know he wanted to come back, and frankly, I find it bizarre no one has addressed why he didn’t return, or even mentioned missing him during the press week and premiere interviews. Josh Gad is the only one who has mentioned wanting him back.

Again, I'm not making any demands here, I know you will do with Hans as you please, and I respect that. However, I do hope that you will consider a redemption arc for him again (without killing him, though. Please don’t give him the Kylo Ren/Ben Solo treatment). I know that it would be difficult, since many fans hate him, and it would have to be done slowly to be believable, but I know you have the talent to do it. Villain redemption doesn't happen much in Disney movies, so it could really be a groundbreaking thing to do, and would teach kids so many lessons about forgiveness and not holding grudges, as well as learning from their own mistakes. Kristoff was great because he taught people what non-toxic masculinity looks like, but Hans could take that further and teach them that toxic behavior can be unlearned— that no one is too far gone and that you don't have to be defined by the mistakes of your past. However, it needs to be apparent that it’s not Elsa or Anna’s job to change him— he must do the emotional labor for himself.

My other issue with this film is one that is common amongst the fan base, for many reasons, and that is the ending. This is actually the part of the letter I’ve had to condense the most, because I don’t want to go all Alexander Hamilton on you, so please bear with me. While I certainly understand the motivations behind the decision, to show that love outweighs distance, and the directors were inspired by their children leaving the nest, I still just don’t feel like it was appropriate for this particular franchise (nor was it in-character for Elsa at all). Not only is it a theme that is currently overdone in Disney films (it was also in Ralph Breaks the Internet and Toy Story 4), but it frankly retcons the theme of Frozen. The entire first movie was about reuniting sisters after thirteen years of separation, and then this one just goes to extreme lengths to separate them again. There are so many other ways you could have had the sisters gain some independence and follow new paths without turning Elsa into a nature spirit that lives in faraway woods with people she’s literally known for a day. (Anna can’t marry a man she just met, so why can Elsa live with people she just met?) She didn’t need a new home or personality to grow.

Sure, we’re told that the sisters keep in touch and visit, but we’re not shown. The sisters are still hundreds of miles apart in the last shot, which is what sticks in everyone’s minds. Also, shouldn’t Elsa and the Northuldra have been at the statue ceremony celebrating the coming together of the two lands? Especially since the statue is of Elsa's parents, so why wasn't she there? Even more painful is the fact that the books and magazine comics set after Frozen 2 (most of which have only been released in Europe and Asia) mostly feature Anna, Kristoff, Matthias, and Olaf. Elsa is only in a couple of them, and is barely mentioned in the ones she’s not in. It feels like she’s just a secondary character now, only coming in for occasional cameos, while the focus shifts on Anna and co. This franchise is supposed to be about the sisters being together, not one sister in Arendelle while the other is nowhere to be seen.

Many kids, from what I've heard, are also upset about the ending. Not only have I heard many stories of kids sobbing in theaters, but when I cosplayed Elsa at Katsucon in February 2020, I had a little boy who kept asking me why I "ran away from Anna again." It broke my heart and the only thing that made him stop asking was to tell him I was moving back home, but still visiting the forest. I felt so sad for him. My friend also cosplayed Elsa at a costume party and her friend’s kid started crying about Elsa leaving. I also read that the Elsa and Anna face characters in the Disney parks get asked a lot about the ending too, and Elsa has to say that she visits Arendelle every day to comfort them. Face characters shouldn’t have to comfort kids about the ending of the film their characters are in.

I also don't understand why it was necessary for Elsa to stay in the woods, especially if she can hear the spirits calling to her in Arendelle, and that the Nokk allows her to travel quickly between the two lands. Why couldn't she bring the Nokk and Bruni back to Arendelle with her, and just visit the forest? (Gale and the Rock Giants could come and go as they please.) Couldn’t she have gotten her own place on the fjord, if she didn't want to live in the castle? I understand that the purpose of the ending was to allow Elsa to be free and find her own place in the world, but I feel like giving her a position of divinity and having her move into the forest with people she just met is much too drastic of a stretch, like taking a yard of tape when you only need an inch. 

Elsa living in the forest also, unfortunately, sends the unintentional message that people who are different, introverted, mentally ill, etc., like Elsa and myself, don't belong in modern society or with our families, and are better off living away from them (not that indigenous culture is inferior– it's just different). I know that's certainly not the message you meant to send, but it still comes off that way. As someone with a mental illness and relates to Elsa so much, I felt so alienated by the ending.

Of course, the part of it that bothers me most is Elsa's characterization during the entire scene. It feels like everything about her was completely changed to make her fit the ending (which I know was written first.) There was no indication in any short, comic, book, etc. that showed us she was still holding herself back or was unhappy in Arendelle. (Anna literally sings at the end of the Broadway show, “Elsa, you’re free!”) It feels like the first film told us, "Elsa learned to let go of her fears and embrace her true self and powers, and still found belonging with her kingdom and family,” and then the second film tells us, "But wait! That's not who Elsa *really* is, this is her TRUE TRUE self, and now she belongs in the magic forest because of her magic! It’s her destiny!” It’s like her powers have become her entire personality instead of a part of her. I feel like the Elsa I’ve known, loved, and clung to for the past seven years is gone. Of course, I expect her to evolve and grow, but this doesn’t feel consistent with her character. Growth and maturity don’t change your core personality like that. A lot of people, including myself, feel more disconnected from her than ever, because she feels like this unrelatable Christ-like figure on a pedestal, instead of a human with magical powers. She doesn't feel like she's on our plane anymore. 

Even the way she talks and carries herself is completely different. She talks so slowly at the end, like an all-knowing goddess as she tells Anna all that she’s learned, and it’s just unsettling. She also doesn’t seem to make her own choices or learn from any of her mistakes. Not only did she tell Anna, "The spirits decided Arendelle should stand with you," which is deus-ex-machina (divine intervention) in a nutshell, but when Honeymaren tells her, "You belong up here!" she just agrees immediately without a second thought. I do like her stepping down as queen, but it should have been presented as her choice, not just because the spirits and the memory of Idunna told her she was fated to be something else all along. (Also, if the issue in the beginning was about her wanting to choose her own path and do more than just be queen, then how is another predetermined fate any better? She's not making her own choices, she's just a vessel at this point for the spirits’ agenda, which takes away her agency.) The trailers before the movie came out made it sound like the story was going to be about Elsa finding a middle ground between her humanity and her powers, but instead it was about how she needed to go too far into her magic because she’s “the chosen one.” 

I know it’s just a movie and I shouldn’t be this distraught over it, especially a year and a half later. I actually started therapy the weekend after the movie came out because I knew that my reaction was indicative of much larger problems. While I have been working on those problems and have been doing better, I still feel disconnected from Elsa, and it still hurts. I miss her. She and the other characters have been there for me over the past seven years when real people couldn’t be bothered, and now I feel like my favorites have been ripped away. Again, I am not here to tell you what to do with your movies, nor are you responsible for my mental health, but I still hope you understand and will consider my feedback.

If there are more Frozen stories (I personally would like a Disney+ series, which would allow for more content and development than a movie), I hope that not only does Hans get a redemption arc (and belonging/friendship with the other characters) as I previously stated, but that I get my relatable, flawed, human Elsa back. I hope she’ll move back to Arendelle (with at least Bruni and the Nokk), but of course, still visit the forest frequently and stay close with the Northuldra. She and Anna should definitely explore their heritage more, and I really would love to learn more about the Northuldra characters. I really hope to see a story about her learning to balance her magic with her humanity, to find that middle ground. To have this “Yes, I have great power, but I’m still human” lightbulb moment. I basically just want exploration of the characters as humans, with their strengths and weaknesses, with their good days and the bad, and how they tackle things together, not just by sending letters via Gale Mail. (Especially with the pandemic still happening, seeing these sisters physically together would really lift some spirits. There are enough long-distance sisterhoods in real life, we don’t need them in our fairy tales.) 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this still-too-long letter. (I promise, I tried so hard to keep it under three pages, but I failed.) I know that a woman my age should not be this invested in a Disney movie, and you may even be thinking, “This lady is crazy!” (You wouldn’t be wrong.) I also know you’re going to do with the franchise and the characters what you see fit— again, I don’t expect you to cater to me or my wishes. I just love your characters and your world so much and I hate how upset Frozen II makes me. I feel like the ending, as well as the silence from the creators of the film, have just left us fans hanging. I don’t want you to hear the criticism and think, “Oh, well I guess people are sick of Frozen, let’s not touch it again.” I want more Frozen, I need more Frozen. Again, I’m so sorry if I sound rude or demanding. I really hope to see more of my beloved sisters and their friends (including a redeemed prince) very soon. I hope to feel everything good that the first film made me feel. Thank you again for listening to me. I wish you all the very best.

Your Loyal Fan,

Laura

[goldemas1244]

Kaloshta (Father) - A Mobile Legends Fanfic

Necessary content warnings:

Contains mentions and themes of:

(Blood, injury, death, gore, passing out, Asian parenting / tough love (which may include themes similar to but may or may not be: physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, degradation, abandonment, trauma, yelling, not knowing whether the question is literal or rhetorical, hurting for the sake of love and survivability, etc.), depression, graphic depictions of inner monologues, loss of self-worth, freezing to death, bleeding to death, character death in general, resurrection, and anything you'd expect from a 50/50 stereotypical Asian household)

Bonus note: NOT ALL OF OUR FAMILIES TREAT OUR KIDS THIS WAY. MINE DOES THOUGH. My dad has yet to rip out my antennae but that's because I don't have any-. He doesn't like my sitting position and my incompetence though.

Necessary writer's note:

{FINALLY we've gotten the tags out of the way.

So to clarify this was made on a whim. I obviously do not condone any of the content in this and urge you to raise your offspring like you mean it. This is but a reflection of the (50/50 stereotypical) Asian household. Not all of us treat our kids this way. Not all of us believe that tough love is required for better young. But hey, it's culture.

But it's mostly a reflection of my life so far. Hey, you make a few mistakes and suddenly you're very numb in the cheek and probably concussed. And you get very weird kinks. Most of the stuff in this is just stuff I've actually experienced. And of course I turn it into gut-wrenching angst.

Note: I am fine. I am alright. I am not hurt (yet). My father DOES scare me still but I blame it on the telly. He watches too much Netflix. He humours me on my monster/alienfucking expeditions. He shows me Transformers clips because he knows I find robot aliens hot as fuck.

Note 2: Understandably, this is a very sensitive topic to write about. Forgive me if you feel offended or uncomfortable reading this. Just know that I do not write for content, rather I write to satiate my inner desire to write. And sometimes that means refractions.

Having said that, enjoy the read!}

%%%

Blood. Short for haemolymph actually. In a blizzard and the icy snow.

He had just barely made it out alive. He had run away, clinging onto the last few breaths he had. So far he could hope nothing was chasing him. If there was, it would catch him soon.

His claws plunged through deep snow and he felt himself falling. Yet he stood back up, and reached out to thin air, desperately trying to pull himself further away. Further away from where, he couldn't say. All that remained of his thoughts had slipped away. Only instinct remained.

And it told him to keep going.

Footfalls scarred through the blizzard as the burning ache in his body began to throb. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't remember how to. All he could do was escape.

Only but a few minutes ago, he was in his element. A battle was raging, his nightmaric spawns were decimating, and his aim was steady. Before him were two lovers, and they were both primed to strike.

He had taken them down, but not with minor losses.

Soon there was nothing left on the battlefield save the husks of two colliding armies. Brave souls giving up their lives for a cause. One to protect, one to survive.

And the three of them were still left. Zhask, Aurora, and Tobias.

Tobias was on his knees. Zhask had done enough to him. His last breaths were well-spent, but not to Zhask. No, to Aurora.

He'd told her they'd attack together. He burst through whatever remained of the swarm Zhask could summon. He made sure Aurora could reach the source-

And the pain....

The sharp shooting pain coursed through his chest into his brain. It felt as if all his blood had been frozen, yet it drained from him in thick amounts, warmer than ever.

He took a few steps back. Aurora had pierced him in a critical spot with her own arm, frozen into the shape of a sword. It had severed itself from her body, leaving a gaping wound where it once was and a bloodied trail leading back to its socket. Jagged spikes of ice ripped through the soft flesh inside of him, tearing him apart from within.

It was cold, far too cold.

As the blizzard swooped all around them, he took one last glance at them. Tobias was dead. Aurora was in agony, but still alive. And Zhask himself was losing his energy all too fast. His swarm was rapidly dying out and the weather was against him.

So he went against the weather.

Zhask ran away. As he always did. As he never should have done.

And now here he was, miles away from any civilization, acres away from salvation, and half buried in snow and ice.

His legs shook. The pain was unbearable.

He reached for the frozen sword and arm of Aurora. No blood leaked from the severed limb now, rather it had become one with the ice. He grasped it tightly with his free hand, and with a hiss, pulled it sharply and threw it aside to be consumed by the storm.

Rookie mistake.

If it was unbearable then, then it was deathly now. Haemolymph flowed out in bursts from the open gash, half-frozen. The jagged edges of the sword had sliced through tender muscle tissue on its way out, more than it initially had prior. His frozen claws clutched at the wound and he chittered in utter agony, doubling over as they instinctively curled around it as one does to their chest during a heart attack.

He couldn't let go. Despite all his conscious thoughts and efforts he just couldn't let go. All his muscles were telling him to stop the bleeding no matter how.

But no matter how hard his instincts betrayed him, he couldn't cover the thick shell good enough. His magic was useless. He was weak and so was it. Domorey was exhausted herself. There was no way to heal.

He couldn't stop it. He couldn't stop the numbing pain. He couldn't stop the thick blood pouring out in waves. He couldn't stop the racing thoughts in his mind.

He couldn't.

He just couldn't.

His muscles tensed and he fell to his knees. Domorey fell with as he used her to brace himself. His eyes watered dryly as the pain only doubled from the momentum. He wanted to vomit, but all that came out was more blood.

The blizzard stung him where he hadn't been stung before and he lowered his head in defeat. So this is how Zhask dies for the upteenth time. Alone, in a temperature he never could fathom, with a wound he couldn't close. With no magic, buried in the cold embrace of despair.

He wasn't ready to accept that. Not his soul. Not with what's coming for him. But his body begged to differ.

"Sh-... Shaloshta...."

With one last attempt to stand and walk onwards, Zhask fell back onto the cold hard snow. His ears rang. His vision began to blur, his hands were losing their grip. He couldn't breathe anymore. He couldn't even muster enough energy to keep his heart pumping. And within a moment, all was black.

%%%

He awoke to white noise and darkness. He could see himself clearly however, clean yet scarred fresh. Domorey was gone. Balling his hands into fists he began to push himself up.

There was still some pain but it was numbed by some otherworldly force. He brought his hand to where the stab wound was and found out that it had somewhat healed.

Here in the void. Again.

"Disappointing!"

His eyes widened and his head jerked up violently. He'd know that voice from anywhere.

"Ka... Kaloshta?" he silently whimpered, yet much to his dismay he'd forgotten how acute his father's hearing was compared to his.

Heavy steps sounded themselves and Zhask desperately tried to crawl backwards, inching away, retreating as best as he could. But to no avail. His back hit an invisible wall violently and his antennae raised themselves up to protest.

"I told you not to use those with me."

Zhask screamed as he felt all four of them being pushed violently upwards against the wall. It felt as if they were going to break off from him at any moment, much so with the force of gravity pulling his body downwards. He struggled against the chokehold, gasping, desperate to escape the grasp but it raised him up higher, earning him a grinding noise as they were pushed harder against the wall like nails on a chalkboard.

It wasn't long before his eyes could finally focus on his own flesh and blood, yet only stared forwards as the familiar figure came into view.

"Zhask!"

A green husk hunched over him, eyes glowing brightly in the faux blackness of their surroundings. They burned into the air like sulphur. A ferocity bloomed in them like none other.

"You dare disobey your Kaloshta?"

A large clawed hand, larger than Zhask's own face, cupped his chin and forced his head violently upwards. Zhask could see his antennae clearly now, held up by his father's other hand. The horns on his head scraped against the wall. One of them even broke off at the tip.

To a vertebrate, it would've snapped their neck. But for Zhask, this was a familiar feeling.

It felt like home, it felt like family, it felt... painful.

"Your antennae show off too much emotion," his father growled. "It's one of the things I hate about you." He lifted his claws off of his son's chin and grabbed his shoulder. "It shows how afraid you are."

Held in place by some mental force, Zhask couldn't move his head nor his arms and legs which dangled like a stringless puppet. All he could do was freeze himself. Take it all in like how he used to. Not that he was used to it as much as the occasional slap, but he was used to it. Every time he'd failed practice he'd get himself hurt. His fault of course. As always.

He missed his father. He loved him, he genuinely did. But this? He didn't miss this. Not for his entire life.

"Please, Kaloshta I'm sorry!" he begged as his voice cracked with pain and his body curled up into itself despite the... gravity of the situation. "I'm sorry! I won't use them ever again just please Kaloshta let me go!"

"You disgust me. How dare you talk back to me!" With one harsh pull, his father tore shell from membrane, muscle from vessel. Zhask's eyes widened and he could only gasp as he was thrown to the ground now with nothing on his back.

He felt so ashamed of himself, didn't he? Oh yes, the price for disobedience and stupidity. You lose what you love. And what Zhask loved was his antennae. It made him comfortable, it helped him regulate his body temperature, it helped him smell, it helped him sense, it helped him to express his emotions, and it helped out with so many more things. Not to mention his father too. Oh, but now-

Now they're gone. Replaced only by a stuffy feeling and his haemolymph flowing out of his back. At least he couldn't smell the blood now.

"Always wanted to do that," mumbled his father as Zhask desperately tried to stifle his tears and stand up again. "But your mother, she coddled you. I'd always believed she was too soft, but I couldn't do a thing about it." His steps began again, and Zhask could hear a clinking sound as those vital parts of his body were oh so carelessly thrown away.

His father loves him. He really does. Zhask remembers how he used to take him outside and play with him when he was younger. How he'd begrudgingly read him bedtime stories. How he'd rarely but truly said sorry, how he'd always hugged him, how he'd never once forgotten how much he loved his son.

But when DID that all change, really? When did this start happening to Zhask, Prince of the Kastiyans? When did his father become a monster? What happened? Was it because the prince grew up? Was it because he was immature? Because he was older, that he didn't deserve as much love as he used to?

He remembered when his toys were broken all because he wanted to play with them while another foreign prince wanted to intervene and he didn't want to share because he knew they'd ruin it. He remembered getting whipped because he was weak in his test scores. He remembered the sorries his father gave, he remembered the silence. The silence meant he wouldn't forgive him. And then, over tea, they'd get back together because he was the only son.

Hugs became fewer and farther between through the years, and so did the kisses. But despite his father's complaining Zhask knew he secretly enjoyed it. Annoying his father was a favourite pastime of his whenever he was available and was in a pleasurable mood.

He knows his father was trying his best. His best to protect Zhask, his best to ensure he survived throughout the conquests, his best to ensure he managed to live on to rule Kastiya. His slaps were a lesson to learn, his whips a delicate cruelty, all so he would act better in future. Even if they scarred him. Even if they gave him permanent damage.

But sometimes, as implied, his best hurt and he was a monster.

His mother was softer but she could be as harsh as he was. Not that it mattered to Zhask, she was always busy so it made sense if she never came to be well-moody. Yet she feared her husband for the obvious reason as well.

Zhask could never stifle his tears, even from youth. Usually when this happened he'd walk off to his room, pretending to yawn and rub his eyes as if he was tired. Then he'd go into the shower or wrap himself up in his bed. He never locked his door either because his father would break it down so his butler was always there to check on him. Not that he'd ever wanted him to. And if he did Prince Zhask would have to put on a genuine emotional mask in fear that his butler would slip the metaphorical beans.

But of course in these events there was no room to pace to.

The footsteps stopped. Silenced. And so was Zhask. Though one out of anger, and the other out of terror. Zhask desperately tried to hide his tears away but the pain was intense and he just couldn't help it.

Like with the bleeding....

"Your Shaloshta isn't here," his father quipped and Zhask could hear his armoured plates creaking with age as he knelt. "Neither is your Heria. So I'll tell you this right here."

"Look at me."

Zhask turned to face him. Proportionally, so did his father's backhand and he fell back on his elbows.

"You are the reason Kastiya is lost!"

There it was. The guilt-tripping.

"Look at me!" Zhask hesitated, and had his horns pulled up so he could face his father. "Because of your recklessness, The Astrowardens have DESTROYED Kastiya! One of them is hunting you down, and here you are, dead as a star because of your own foolish mistakes! What have I raised you for?!"

Zhask only could stare. Was it a rhetorical question? But it sounded so genuine he should-

"ANSWER ME."

Genuine it is then.

"You... you raised me to lead Kastiya," Zhask began, stutteringly repeating the words his father used to swear. "You raised me so I could protect Kastiya, to keep its glory. You raised me so Kastiya could prosper. So that we could rule supreme. You raised me so... I'd have a home?"

"TALKING BACK TO YOUR ELDERS," he yelled out, despite having asked the question initially. "You are a disappointment. You have disappointed me, you have disappointed Kastiya, you have disappointed your subjects. As if there are any because they're all dead! And I should know because that's your doing too!"

He released his grip on Zhask. Zhask could only stare into space, fixed in the position. He didn't even turn to look at his father, now retreating back into the darkness.

"You are the reason I died, Zhask. Remember that. You are nothing. A pig-child. Wasted filth."

Footsteps receding.

"You are not my son."

Pain slowly enveloped Zhask's body once more. Not the pain of what had happened to him, but the pain of coming back.

Good. He never wanted to stay anyway.

%%%

"Ow...."

Zhask awakens once more, this time back in the snow. He instantly shoots up, but winces at the pain. His chest is still bloodied and he still has scars, but they seems to have healed slightly. The short death-rest has given Domorey enough mana to regenerate himself, thankfully.

He hears a little chirp infront of him. Before him is his passive spawn, the backup guard for his body. It moves towards him, albeit a little shakily from the cold. It nuzzles him and Zhask can feel its warm laser heating up.

He looks around him. Behind Domorey, there is a calm, serene white. The blizzard has stopped. He looks back and sees that his antennae are still there. They're only frozen from the exposure. He sighs in thankfulness.

The little spawn hops onto Zhask's arm, latching onto it. It camouflages itself on his glove. He pets its little head and grabs Domorey.

He is capable of standing on his own two feet. And so he does, leaning onto Domorey for balance. He tests his footing on the icy floor beneath him and realises it's created a nice little step-path. His feet don't sink in, rather the snow has solidified enough to stand on.

Slowly but surely, Zhask begins to walk forwards, limping through the snow. He remembers his past, he acknowledges the present, and he looks out for the future.

But his heart sinks.

He will never forget what his Kaloshta had done to him. He's still shaken by that death-dream he had, the only flaw to his immortality. He's depressed but he brushes it off.

They love each other, don't they? This is what your parents do to help you grow stronger, right? He deserves it for his failure, doesn't he?

Zhask's first death was to save him and his revival was met with a slight scolding and a warm hug. The rest were merely trivial, but he got scolded more and more often as time went on and the hugs became less and less often. In the end, it's all just a forgettable memory when he wakes up. This wasn't even the worst he's had. The worst was that one time he drank himself to death over a lost love. He got a real beating for that.

But he WILL prove he can live up to his father's wishes. That he's not what his father claims him to be. That he can still feel his father embrace him lovingly again, even for just a few short moments. That he's not a failure, nor a pig-child, nor whatever else he says.

And maybe this time, he'll try not to die again.

Or even sleep for that matter. Just in case.