#and when billie eillish said “what was i made for?”

[everydayistheendoftheworld]

the truth will always be that there's something fundamentally wrong with me. i was born unloveable. there are two kinds of people in this world: those who love easily and those who are easily loved. i will always be the first. my hands burn from carrying the love i have for everyone. and my heart hurts from knowing that i will never be loved the way i love. as the smiths put it, "i know i'm unloveable, you don't have to tell me. i don't have much in my life, but take it - it's yours."

[elliaze]

Don't take my love away | j. velaryon

Warnings: spoiler! for the book, HEAVY!angst, twincest (let's be honest they are targaryen), their age has been changed, mention of sex (nothing descriptive), inspiration from Billie Eillish - CHIHIRO

Word Count: +1900

MASTERLIST

She remembered their first kiss. 

Innocent, because it was both their first time doing it.

Forbidden, because they shouldn't do it.

Jace was her twin brother. He was born just a few minutes after her. They were always together.

Maybe that was why it seemed inevitable. Or maybe that night, when they were both two–and–ten and fought with Aemond, they needed each other more than usual. 

Which wasn't true, because they had spent every moment together for years. 

Maybe it was the emotions that were running through them. Certainly hers, because even though the stealing of Vhagar was behind them, the maesters had dressed the wound on Jace's head and the one she had on her forehead, the adrenaline was still pumping through them. 

She remembered that they had both escorted Lucerys to his chambers and waited until their younger brother had fallen asleep from exhaustion. That evening – or even that morning – they both said Luce had been incredibly brave in standing up for them and taking Aemond's eye. They had also known that, as his older siblings, they should have been defending him, not the other way. They both felt a pang of guilt, and maybe that was the reason they had kissed.

She remembered that when they had finally reached Jacaerys's chambers, he had kept saying that he should have been faster, braver, more observant. He panicked, and she was afraid her brother wouldn't be able to control his breathing.

And then she kissed him. It had been a completely innocent kiss, but it had also been a confirmation that they meant so much more to each other than mere siblings.

She remembered his first touch. One where he touched her like a man could touch a woman.

They were six–and–ten, and the whole act seemed uncertain, even awkward. They didn't know what they were doing, and all they thought about was being as close to each other as possible.

This time, it wasn't just emotions that influenced it. They were completely aware of what they were doing and didn't think for a moment about stopping it. 

They wanted each other, their kisses and touch.

They didn't care about the consequences, or that they shouldn’t have done it. They both knew that sooner or later they would be forced to marry someone neither of them loved, and they shouldn't get so attached to each other when it was only a matter of time before they had to part ways.

But they couldn't stop. 

The thought of not being by each other's side was destroying their hearts to the core.

She remembered the first I love you he said to her, not as a brother, but as a man.

It was the day their mother found out about their forbidden affair and she couldn't do anything else but announce that they would get married. That evening, Jace came to her chamber, or rather rushed inside. She was sitting nervously in front of her mirror and combing her hair, when the sound of the door opening made her turn around.

“Jace…” she started, but he was quickly at her side. He grabbed her by the shoulders, lifting her up, and then placed his hands on her cheeks. “What are you doing?"”

“I just wanted you to know how much I love you,” he confessed as honestly as she had never heard it. She felt as if her whole insides were melting under the influence of his words, as well as his gaze full of love and devotion. “You are my whole world. My life. Without you, there is no me. I love you like nothing else. I love you more than I love myself. You are the only one. You will always be.”

She had tears in her eyes when she heard his words, and at the same time she was unable to stop the charming smile and the blush that spread across her cheeks. She was happy and finally understood all those love stories she had read. In books, the couple in love were never related to each other, but in their case, she thought that it only worked in their favour.

It was inevitable.

“I love you too, Jacaerys. And I don't want to live without you. You’re everything I have and what matters to me. Our hearts are connected forever.” She confessed a moment before she connected their lips.

The kiss was calm at first, as if she just wanted to confirm her words with it. However, it quickly turned into a hot, lustful one. Her hands quickly landed in his curls, and his lifted her nightgown to her waist and stopped at her completely exposed thighs and hips. Jace lifted her up and led them to her bed. He laid her on the satin sheets, joining her immediately.

This time they knew exactly what they were doing. They both knew their bodies and knew how to extract the sweetest sounds of pleasure from each other. Their hands were clasped together the whole time, as if to make sure that it was real. She felt shivers every time he kissed her body, and Jace did not hold back to show her that everything she did was the sweetest pleasure for him.

When he entered her, their eyes met and they both connected their lips in a thirsty kiss. Their bodies moved in complete sync, as if this was what they were made for – to be together in the most intimate way possible, the closest they could be. She saw stars in her eyes, and when she came with his name on her lips, and Jace right after her, she thought this was exactly what she wanted. 

A future with Jacaerys. 

She saw them together, their children, and the whole happy, long life that lay ahead of them.

But that future didn't include them being embroiled in a bloody war. The Dance of the Dragons, they called it.

From the very beginning, they had to deal with the loss of loved ones. Lucerys, Rhaenys... Death came to them one by one, and both feared that it would eventually come for them. But every time it didn't, the fear was still there. Maybe it was their stupid luck that kept them alive. Or – as she liked to say – this world wouldn't be able to accept their deaths. They had to live because they loved each other so much that they wouldn't be able to survive without the other.

And she was rarely wrong.

And yet, this time she was.

The Battle of the Gullet was completely chaotic. The Velaryon fleet was fighting against the Triarchy with exceptional ferocity. But she didn't pay attention to which side had the upper hand at the moment. Her only goal was to find Jacaerys and Vermax. 

She didn't think she should even be there. Even though Vermithor, who had been her companion for many years, burned every enemy ship to ashes, giving the Velaryon fleet a slight advantage, all she could do was look around for the sight of the familiar dragon and its rider.

She remembered how the four of them had gone for rides many times. The young Vermax had always been relatively witty and ready to have fun with Vermithor. The old dragon might seem to ignore his younger brethren, but in the end, the two were very much bonded, in the same way as their riders.

Finally, she spotted Vermax, and somewhere on his back sat Jacaerys. Bolts and arrows flew towards them, and her heart was pounding as she realised that Jacaerys was too low and much more vulnerable to attack. She needed to do everything she could to protect them together with Vermithor, not even caring about her own safety.

However, she was unable to stop the bolts that hit Vermax. The dragon let out a terrible scream and began to fall down with its rider.

“JACE!” She screamed in horror. Her eyes misted and tears filled, and at that moment Vermithor was responsible for what had to be done. He fell down after the dead dragon, and all she could see was Vermax's body falling into the water. 

"We have to find him" she said to the dragon and Vermithor just screamed loudly and breathed fire that consumed one of the enemy ships. They circled for a while looking for Jacaerys until she finally managed to spot him on the beach not far from the fight. She could hear the sounds of battle clearly, so when she saw Jace standing on his own two feet, she knew she had to get him out of there as soon as possible before someone realised he was still alive.

Vermithor landed hard on the beach, and she slid down on his wing and ran to her brother. 

Jace was weak and wet. She also noticed an arrow in his arm, but the wound didn't seem serious enough to prevent them from escaping together.

“Y/N” she didn't hear him say her name, but she saw his lips moving. 

Jace breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that she was okay, and she did everything to get to him as quickly as possible. 

They were only a few metres away. 

A few steps away and then she would be able to take him in her arms and save him.

However, fate can be cruel. It takes away what we love without warning.

Neither she nor Jace noticed the arrow that was shot straight into his back. Jace stopped mid–step and staggered on his feet, and she had the impression that he was experiencing some worst nightmare. However, she didn't give up and still believed that they had a chance to survive. That she would manage to save him and get him to Dragonstone, where the maester would heal every wound on his body. 

There was still a chance. 

She believed in it with every fiber of her being, because if she lost him, she would die with him.

She was almost there when another arrow whistled. Jace watched her as she approached, as if he knew what was about to happen. 

There was no other thought in his head but her.

They had come into the world together. And she was also supposed to be there when he was about to leave it.

“Y/N” he ​​said to her before the last arrow hit his neck.

Jace fell, and she caught him in her arms at the last moment.

“Jace?” She whispered nervously, her voice breaking. “Jaecerys, wake up!” She touched his face, and his skin was still hot, just like it was always when she touched her. Hot dragon blood. “Jace, I beg you. I can’t live in a world without you.”

Her prayers were in vain, and when she kissed him for the last time, he was already dead.

She remembered their first kiss, touch, and declaration of love.

But she never wanted to remember the last time she tasted his lips, how he looked at her with love and told her he loved her. Their story had no right to end in such a drastic way.

They were only twenty. Their whole lives ahead of them. They deserved more time. 

They were supposed to be king and queen after they helped their mother get back what was rightfully hers. 

He had no right to die in front of her, and above all, to leave her alone in this cruel world.

She never believed in gods, but if one of them stood before her and asked her what she wanted, her answer would be only one.

Don’t take my love away from me.

She didn’t want to stay in this world when he was gone.

[rosemariiaa]

~The Diner~

pairing- Paige x Azzi

summary- (request) Based on the song “The Diner”, specifically the line, “Bet I could change your life. You could be my wife.”

warning: little angst, fluff (we love pazzi fluff)

Enjoy!!!

Paige first met Azzi when she was 15, and Azzi was 14, at a USA Basketball camp. They were both young, full of dreams, and eager to prove themselves on the court. From the moment Paige saw Azzi shoot her first three-pointer, she knew there was something different about her. It wasn’t just the way she played, though that was undeniable, it was just something else. A spark. A connection, you could say.

They became friends fast, the kind of friends who couldn’t go a day without texting or calling. They played together, trained together, and quickly became inseparable. Paige loved the way Azzi smiled shyly when she was nervous, and Azzi adored how Paige could make anyone in the room laugh, even when the pressure was on.

As the years passed, their friendship deepened. They played for the same teams, shared victories, and comforted each other in defeat. But there was always something unsaid between them, a tension neither was brave enough to address. It lingered in the late-night texts, the lingering touches, the way Paige’s heart raced whenever Azzi looked at her just a little too long.

It wasn’t until their flight back to Minnesota after a grueling tournament that things began to shift. They were both exhausted, but in that comfortable way you only get after spending days together, doing what you love. Paige was slouched in her seat, her head resting on the window, while Azzi was next to her, headphones in, lost in her music.

Paige nudged her gently, pulling one of Azzi’s headphones out. “What’re you listenin’ to?” she asked, her voice soft.

Azzi shrugged, showing her the screen. “Some Billie Eillish . It’s calming.”

Paige grinned. “Oh yeah? I like her too. She’s got this one song—'The Diner,' you know it?”

Azzi nodded, smiling. “Yeah, it’s a good one.”

Paige hesitated for a second, then said, almost playfully, “Bet I could change your life, you could be my wife.”

Azzi froze, her heart skipping a beat. The line hung in the air between them, heavy with unspoken meaning. Paige wasn’t looking at her, just staring out the window like she hadn’t just said something that made Azzi’s entire world tilt on its axis.

“Paige…” Azzi started, her voice trailing off. She wasn’t sure what to say. Paige had a way of throwing things out there, half-joking, half-serious, and it always left Azzi unsure of where she stood.

Paige finally turned to look at her, a crooked smile on her lips. “I’m kidding, Az. Don’t get all serious on me.”

But there was something in Paige’s eyes that said she wasn’t entirely kidding. Azzi could feel her cheeks heating up, and she quickly turned away, pretending to be interested in the movie playing on the screen in front of her. But the words echoed in her mind, over and over again, long after Paige had closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

The rest of the flight was quiet, the two of them lost in their own thoughts, the tension between them thicker than ever. Azzi tried to shake off the weird feeling in her chest, but it clung to her, making her question everything—every look, every touch, every word they’d ever shared.

As the years went on, they both found themselves at UConn, continuing to play side by side. The friendship remained strong, but the tension never really went away. They were both too scared to ruin what they had, to risk the friendship that meant so much to both of them.

But it wasn’t just the tension that grew—it was the feelings. The longing. The what-ifs that kept them both awake at night. Azzi couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, Paige felt the same way she did.

It all came to a head during Azzi’s sophomore year, Paige’s junior year. They’d just finished a tough game against Iowa, one that had them both on edge, and were back in their apartment, sitting on the couch in that same comfortable silence they always shared.

Paige was scrolling through her phone, her thumb absentmindedly moving across the screen, while Azzi stared at her, trying to gather the courage to say what she’d been holding in for years.

Finally, Azzi couldn’t take it anymore. “Paige,” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Paige looked up, eyebrows raised in question. “Yeah?”

Azzi took a deep breath, her heart pounding in her chest. “Do you remember that time on the plane? When you said… when you said you could change my life?”

Paige’s eyes widened slightly, but she didn’t say anything. She just nodded, waiting. Azzi swallowed hard. “Did you mean it?”

For a moment, Paige was silent, her expression unreadable. Then, slowly, she nodded again. “Yeah, Az. I did.”

Azzi’s heart was racing, and she could feel the tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Paige sighed, setting her phone down and turning to face Azzi fully. “I didn’t want to mess things up. We’re… we’re best friends, Azzi. I didn’t want to risk that.”

Azzi nodded, understanding but still feeling the weight of those unsaid words between them. “I get it. But… Paige, I’ve been in love with you for so long. I just..I didn’t even know or believed that I could feel this way towards a girl.. but you changed that when I first saw you and I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

Paige’s breath caught in her throat, and she reached out, taking Azzi’s hand in hers. “I’ve loved you too, Azzi. For so long. I just… didn’t know if you felt the same.” Azzi let out a shaky laugh, tears slipping down her cheeks. “Guess we’re both idiots, huh?”

Paige laughed too, her thumb brushing away Azzi’s tears. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

There was a pause, a moment of silence that stretched between them, before Paige spoke again, her voice soft and full of emotion. “You could be my wife, Azzi.”

Azzi’s heart skipped a beat, her breath hitching in her throat. “Paige…”

“I’m serious,” Paige said, her eyes searching Azzi’s for any sign of doubt. “I want to spend my life with you. I want us to be together, for real.”

Azzi’s smile was bright, her heart soaring. “I want that too, Paige. More than anything.”

And just like that, the tension that had been hanging over them for years dissolved, replaced by a warmth that spread through both of them, filling them with a happiness neither had ever felt before.

They kissed, slow and sweet, the kind of kiss that spoke of years of love and longing finally realized. When they pulled back, Paige rested her forehead against Azzi’s, a smile playing on her lips.

“Bet I could change your life,” Paige whispered, and this time, there was no doubt, no hesitation.

Azzi smiled back, her heart full. “You already have.”

[blackenedsnow]

IT'S ME AGAIN DON'T ASK WHY AM I HERE AGAIN?!?! I LOVED THE WAY YOU WRITE LIKE OMG?!?? I HAVE 3 IDEAS TODAY YOU CAN CHOOSE ONE OF THEM, OR YOU CAN CHOOSE ONE AND THEN WRITE IT DOWN, YOU CAN DO THE OTHER. IT'S ALL UP TO YOU!!

1-Do you remember the song Guess by Charli XCX and Billie Eillish in Collab? Yes, I have a request for it sooo reader we're so popular singer and shadow was her bodyguard he was her protection yk what I mean who hung out together all the time when they're alone anyway one day at a concert of hers when a group of guys tried to attack the people at the concert and tried to attack her and what was she going to do when shadow wasn't there, she couldn't run away because there were already a lot of people wounded, and suddenly a sword stabbed in behind her, and at that very moment shadow come to the shooting concert..but he was too late. (The man who stabbed reader was sonic and his team btw)

2-yk the comic the hungry hero which is sonic? Okay, I have an excellent second opinion because you can't convince me, that sonic was constantly eating human flesh, especially after Tails died, but after meeting the reader, his desire to eat human flesh increased his desire to eat meat for some reason..was he falling in love with her? but it couldn't have been possible! he couldn't have fallen in love with anyone! He changed his mind until the reader found herself eating human flesh in his house when he intived her and he fell even more in love.

3- Reader and shadow were created for Maria, but Professor Gerald had never paid attention to the reader,maria couldn't convince her grandfather to make reader spend time with her, but the reader was kept in the big glass all the time, and shadow cast doubt on that, After Maria's death, the reader had finally been freed by GUN, she had attack the city which is sonics team and shadow. She had begun to attack the city where the rain and thunder did not stop in the sky...But the color of the sky was mixed with purple and black. Finally, the reader showed herself on top of a large building.. pale skin, purple eyes with light blue pupils, and long, dark violet hair that becomes lighter at the ends,she also has a beauty mark below her right eye.. (The reader a game character named raiden shogun by genshin impact) she said "Inactivity serves no purpose whatsoever." sonics team tried to talk to her but not q moment later they found themselves a dark domain and she was the owner of that domain, she Said "we meet again,shadow." Would he be able to convince her?

project Raiden Ei,her purpose was make people feel safe and loved, after marias death..project failed to save the people and her beloved sister.

forgotten project

WARNING: Violence, emotional conflict, hurt/comfort

PAIRING: Shadow the Hedgehog x Raiden Shogun!Reader

NOTE: You again!! I absolutely love your ideas—thank you so much for trusting me with them again! As for your requests, I’m not super familiar with the first two (though they sound amazing!), but since I’m somewhat familiar with Genshin, I’ll go with the third idea. I know this isn't what you asked for, but instead of "Raiden" I made the reader Y/N. That way if anyone wants to self insert they can. But all of reader describes Raiden!!

SUMMARY: After Maria’s death, you, a forgotten project created alongside Shadow, are freed and seek revenge on the world that failed you. As you lay waste to the city, Shadow steps in, hoping to remind you of your true purpose before it’s too late.

The sky above the city churned violently, dark clouds swirling as rain lashed against the streets below. Thunder boomed in the distance, shaking the windows of the few standing buildings, while purple lightning split the heavens with terrifying force. Chaos reigned in every corner of the city, and in the center of it all stood a figure—cold, unmoved by the destruction that unfolded around her.

You stood on top of the tallest building, the storm your perfect companion as you watched the streets below. Your hair billowed in the wind, the tips glowing faintly as they lightened in color. Your eyes scanned the city as if searching for something—or someone.

“Inactivity serves no purpose whatsoever,” you muttered to yourself, your voice calm despite the chaos. You weren’t here to cause destruction for its own sake, after all. Your purpose was clear: make the people feel safe and loved. But after Maria’s death, that purpose had become twisted, lost in the storm of grief and confusion that overtook you. Your project—your existence—had failed.

And now, you were ready to make them all pay.

Far below, Sonic’s team had gathered, the weight of your presence pressing down on them like a physical force. They’d been trying to contain the damage for hours, but it was clear that this wasn’t just an ordinary disaster.

“What do we do?” Knuckles muttered, scanning the sky as another bolt of lightning flashed overhead. “Who is she?”

Tails shook his head, his eyes wide with worry. “I don’t know, but she’s powerful. We’ve got to find a way to stop her before the entire city gets leveled.”

Shadow stood a little apart from the others, his expression unreadable as he stared up at the building where you stood. Unlike the others, he recognized you immediately, even after all these years. His heart clenched in his chest as memories flooded his mind—memories of you trapped in that glass, forgotten and left behind while he was free to roam the ARK with Maria.

You were a project, just like him. Created for Maria, meant to serve the same purpose: protecting her, keeping those on the ARK safe, loved. But Professor Gerald had never given you the same attention, never let you experience the world outside of that containment. Maria had begged her grandfather to let you out, but her pleas fell on deaf ears.

After her death, everything had fallen apart. Shadow had been freed by GUN, but you—had remained trapped, your potential left to fester in the dark.

Until now.

Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles were still trying to reason with you. Sonic stepped forward, holding up a hand, his usual cocky grin tempered with caution. “Hey, look, we get it. You’re upset, but wrecking the city isn’t going to bring anyone back. We can help—”

He didn’t get to finish. The moment Sonic spoke, the entire world around them shifted. The bright city streets, the wreckage, even the rain—all of it was swallowed in darkness. The sky above became a swirling void of black and purple, and the ground beneath their feet felt unreal, like they were standing on the edge of an abyss.

They were in your domain now.

You stood before them, your form as solid as the storm, yet otherworldly in the way you seemed to command the very space around her. You raised a hand, and the air itself trembled with power. “We meet again, Shadow.”

Your voice was colder now, distant, as though you were speaking not just to him, but to the shadow of a past you had long left behind. Shadow stepped forward from the group, his crimson eyes locked on hers. Memories of the ARK flashed through his mind—of Maria, of the years spent protecting her. But you had been kept from all of that, trapped in isolation, your purpose unfulfilled.

And now, here you stood, the embodiment of a failed dream.

“Y/N…” Shadow’s voice was steady, though tension rippled through him. He could feel the power you held, and it was vast—far more than anything he had imagined. “What are you doing? You weren't created to destroy.”

Your gaze narrowed slightly, the storm above rumbling in response. “You speak of purpose as though you understand it, Shadow. But you—just like me—were created to serve. To be a tool. And like me, you were cast aside when you no longer served a purpose.”

Shadow clenched his fists. “That’s not true. Maria—”

“Maria is dead!” Yourr voice cut through the air like a blade, and the entire domain around them shuddered. “I was meant to keep the ARK safe, just as you were. But Professor Gerald never allowed it. I was left to watch from behind glass as you, the favored creation, failed everybody.”

The weight of your words hung in the air, heavy with grief and fury. For so long, you had been nothing but a failed experiment, a project abandoned after the one you were meant to protect was taken from you. And now, in your eyes, the world had to pay for that failure.

Shadow stepped forward, undeterred by the crackling energy that surrounded her. “I didn't fail her. I understand your anger. I understand the loss. But this… this isn’t what Maria would have wanted.”

Your eyes flashed, your hand raising as a bolt of lightning struck the ground between them. The force sent the others reeling, but Shadow stood firm. “I didn't even know Maria as well as you did.,” you hissed, your voice low and dangerous. “You were given the chance to be with her. I was left to rot in that glass prison.”

“I’m not the one you’re angry at,” Shadow said, his voice softening. “It’s not me. It’s not this world. It’s the people who kept us apart. You’re lashing out because you’ve been hurt, but you don’t have to keep doing this.”

Your expression faltered, just for a moment, before the steel returned to your eyes. “It’s too late for that. There’s nothing left for me now. Nothing except this… this power, and the destruction it brings.”

But as you spoke, there was a flicker of doubt in your gaze. Shadow knew that beneath the fury, the pain still lingered. He took a step closer, his voice low. “You don’t have to be alone anymore. I couldn’t save Maria. But maybe I can save you.”

For a long moment, you stood still, your eyes locked on his. The storm above raged on, the dark domain around them swirling with tension, but there was a shift in the air. The anger that had fueled your destruction began to waver, and for the first time, Shadow saw something other than fury in your eyes.

He saw fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of failing again.

And in that moment, something broke.

You lowered you hand, the power that had been crackling around you slowly dissipating. The storm above began to calm, and the purple and black sky started to fade into a dull gray. The domain, you domain, began to unravel, and the familiar cityscape of rain-soaked streets around them.

But you didn’t move. You stood there, your eyes staring at Shadow, as if searching for something—something you hadn’t found in years. “What am I supposed to do now?” you whispered, your voice barely audible over the sound of the rain.

Shadow stepped forward, closing the distance between you. “We can figure that out together. You don’t have to carry this alone anymore.”

The others—Sonic, Tails, Knuckles—watched in silence as the tension in the air finally broke. You, the weapon once created to protect, stood before Shadow, your power still immense but no longer driven by rage. And as the storm slowly died, there was a sense of quiet between you, as though the two of you had finally found some measure of understanding.

For the first time since the fall of the ARK, You weren't alone.

[ruewrote]

𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑤𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑑𝑛𝑡 𝑠𝑎𝑦.

PAIRING: ashley brown x gn!reader WARNINGS: miscommunications, no use of y/n GENRE: angsty comfort SONG INSPIRATION: hostage by billie eillish WORD COUNT: 1k REQUESTED: yes

navigation | ask | ashley brown masterlist

you and ashley had always been inseparable. closer than anyone else in your group of friends. 

it was something everyone noticed, even if no one ever said it out loud. 

the kind of connection where sharing a bed at sleepovers didn’t feel weird, where cuddling up during movie nights wasn’t something to giggle about. it was just natural. it was just you and ashley.

you’d call each other every night, voices hushed under blankets as you talked about your days until one of you fell asleep to the other’s voice. even when one of you was sick, you’d keep the line open, content just to listen to each other breathe. 

so, when ashley started pulling back, it was like the ground had shifted under your feet.

it started slowly. she’d message you that she was busy, and you didn’t think much of it at first. everyone gets busy sometimes, right? but the hollow feeling in your chest, that sense of something being off, lingered long after you put your phone down. 

you tried to shake it off, convincing yourself you were just being paranoid. but the messages from ashley came less frequently, and when you did reach out, you’d be left on delivered for hours, sometimes even days.

it stung. more than you wanted to admit. you’d send her something funny, hoping to make her laugh, only to get a short, almost dismissive response, if you got one at all. you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d done something wrong, if maybe she had finally figured out how you truly felt about her. 

you had fallen for her, plain and simple. and now, it felt like she was slipping away, right when you realised just how much you needed her.

the silence between you stretched on for weeks, it became harder to act like everything was fine. every time you saw her post something on instagram or laugh at a joke in the group chat, the longing for her gnawed at you. 

you wanted to reach out, to ask her what was going on, but every time you picked up your phone, your thumb hovering over her name, paralyzed by the fear of what she might say. 

would she even want to hear from you?

it wasn’t until one friday night, when you found yourself alone in your room scrolling through old pictures of the two of you, that you realised you couldn’t take it anymore.

before you could second guess yourself, you called her. the phone rang once, twice, and then a third time before it went to voicemail. you almost ended the call, but something made you stay on the line.

“hey, ash,” you said, trying to keep your voice light even though it cracked at the edges. “um, i don’t really know what’s going on, but… i miss you. and i just want to know if i did something. if i did, i’m sorry. just– call me back, okay?”

you hung up, tossing your phone onto the bed as you covered your face with your hands. you dreaded her reply, but at least you’d finally said something. 

now, all you could do was wait and hope.

hours later, long after the sun had set and your room was cast in shadow, your phone buzzed. 

you scrambled to pick it up, heart leaping into your throat when you saw ashley’s name on the screen.

the message was short. 

can we talk?

your chest tightened, fingers trembling as you typed back. 

yeah, of course.

not even a minute passed before your phone started ringing. you took a deep breath and answered, bracing yourself.

“ashley?” you said, your voice almost a whisper.

there was a long pause on the other end, a shaky exhale. “i’m sorry,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “i didn’t know how to handle this. i thought… if i pulled away, maybe it would hurt less.”

you frowned, confused. “handle what?”

“you,” she whispered. “us. i–” her voice broke off.  “i saw you and josh getting close, and it hurt. i thought you liked him, and i didn’t want to get in the way. i figured if i backed off, it’d be easier for you… and for me.”

your heart sank, the realisation hitting you. “ashley,” you said, almost breathless. “it’s not like that. it was never like that.”

“but it looked like it,” she murmured, voice wavering. “and i thought… i thought maybe you didn’t feel the same way about me, so i just–” she let out a broken laugh. “i didn’t know what else to do but pull away.”

you could hear the raw pain in her voice, and it tore at you. “ash,” you said softly, “i thought i was losing you. i didn’t understand why you were acting so distant, but i never– god, i never wanted you to think i had feelings for josh. i don’t. i never have. it’s always been you.”

the silence that followed felt heavy, but not unbearable. it was filled with the weight of everything left unsaid between you, but also with something softer, something hopeful.

“always?” she asked, her voice small and fragile.

“always,” you repeated. “i’m in love with you, ashley. i have been for a long time.”

you heard her gasp, a sound caught between a sob and a laugh. “you have no idea how much i wanted to hear you say that,” she whispered. “i love you too. i was so scared i’d ruined everything.”

“you didn’t,” you reassured her, your own tears slipping down your cheeks now. “you couldn’t. not even if you tried.”

there was a shaky, relieved laugh on the other end of the line. “i feel so stupid,” she admitted. “i wasted all this time when i could’ve just told you.”

“it’s okay,” you said softly, a smile tugging at your lips. “we’re here now, and that’s what matters.”

“i’m coming over,” ashley said suddenly, her voice now lighter, happier.

“i’ll leave the door unlocked,” you replied, wiping your tears away as a sense of calm settled over you. for the first time in weeks, you felt like you could finally breathe again.

hanging up, you realised that the silence between you two wasn’t something to be afraid of anymore. it wasn’t empty; it was filled with the promise of everything you’d been too afraid to say before.

and now, you had all the time in the world to say it.

comments and reblogs are appreciated ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

© ruewrote 2024.

[arlana-likes-to-write]

What Was I Made For? By Billie Eillish

Summary: After Yelena returns to Soyna's apartment from failing to kill Clint Barton she begins to question her place in this world. Luckly for her, you are there to lend a helping hand.

Warning: Self-doubt, Fluff, Lots of drinking, mention of Natasha's death, Yelena needs the biggest hug.

Word Count: 2.7k

The front door slammed shut and alerted you to her arrival. But you didn’t get out of bed when you heard the hushed voices of Yelena and Soyna through the door. It was when you heard one set of footsteps storm off, you climbed out of bed and opened the door. You lived with Sonya when she and Yelena exposed you to the Red Dust. She offered you a room until you decided what was next. However, that was the problem. You weren’t sure what was next. All of your life you followed orders and behaved like a good soldier to complete the orders to a man that no longer existed. He could no longer hurt you. What were you to do now? “How is she?” You asked. Soyna was resting her hands on the kitchen counter.

“She didn’t complete the mission,” that was a surprise. Yelena always completed the mission. You didn’t know anything about her newest assignment, just that the target was in New York City and she would be staying here until she finished the job. You sighed, walked over to the fridge, and took out two bottles of vodka.

“I’m guessing she’s on the roof,” you put on your sneakers and winter jacket.

“Zvezda (star),” you stopped before going up the fire escape. “I don’t think she wants to talk to anyone.” You smiled at your friend.

“Well, it’s lucky I’m someone special,” you opened the window and stepped onto the fire escape, closing it behind you. Zvezda it was a nickname Yelena gave you. The Red Room assigned you to a rising crime lord in the New York and New Jersey area. At least that was what Soyna told you. The things you did for them would come in flashes, mostly in nightmares. Once you adjusted to having your mind and body back, you got a tattoo of Saturn on your arm. The planet symbolized stubbornness, stability, and authority. It was for anyone that wished to take control of their life. That was what you needed. A gentle reminder that you were in control of your life and the end of your story. So they tried to give you the nickname of ‘planet’, ‘Saturn’ but you didn’t like any of them until Yelena came up with star. It fit you well.

You stepped onto the roof, the winter air caused goosebumps to form on your legs. “I came up here because I do not want to talk,” Yelena said, without turning around. She sat on the roof’s edge, legs dangling above the city below.

“Good thing I don’t want to talk,” you said, sitting down next to her. It was close enough that you felt the warmth radiating from her but you gave her enough space to not overcrowd her. It was a delicate dance to play with the blonde. You opened the bottle. “Drink.” You offered her it but she didn’t take her eyes off the busy city street below. You took a sip from the bottle, the burn made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You put the bottle between you and her, leaning back and looking at the city. It was beautiful this time of year. Red and white lights danced in the darkness. You wondered what it was like to celebrate Christmas. Holidays weren’t celebrated in the Red Room. Holidays were used as an easy way to get into a party to find a target. It was another day of training and another night handcuffed to your bed.

“You are going to catch a cold wearing that,” she took a generous sip from the bottle.

“And I thought you didn’t want to talk Belova,” she was wearing her black tactical suit. A smirk was on her face as she took another sip and you picked up the bottle, mirroring her. The other Widows liked to tease you that Yelena had a soft spot for you. She rarely snapped or became annoyed with you but you contributed to not bothering her. You let her exist, not forcing her to talk.

“What did Soyna tell you?” She still refused to look at you.

“You didn’t complete the job,” you shrugged. “I didn’t ask more. Not my place.” It was true. If Yelena refused to kill the man or woman then it had to be a good reason.

“Why are you here then?” Finally, she looked at you. Her green eyes were red, her cheeks blotchy, and dried tears on her cheeks.

“Just to sit here and be your friend,” you took another sip. You felt her eyes on you soon it became too much and you looked at her. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“I do not know,” you nodded.

“Well, when you do know I’m here,” you continued to sit in silence, passing the bottle back and forth until it was empty and you opened the next one. The alcohol was making you feel warm like you were surrounded by a big hug. Yelena rubbed her eyes, suppressing a yawn. “Come on,” you stood up, wobbling slightly. You didn’t know if it was from the alcohol or your legs being asleep. You weren’t drunk, a little tipsy at best. “You should get some sleep.” The blonde groaned and you held out your hand. She sighed, took it, and grabbed the fuller bottle before standing up. She stumbled more than you did. Was she drinking before she came back to the apartment? You were a few inches taller than her and you caught the blonde when she stumbled forward. Her head fell into the crock of your neck. Her warm breath caused goosebumps to form on your skin.

“You smell good,” she mumbled. “Like euc-euc eucalyptus,” she stumbled over the word a few times which caused her to giggle. You rolled your eyes.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed. You walked in front of Yelena as you led her down the fire escape. Your hand lingered on her hip now and again to steady her. When you opened the window, the apartment was quiet. You weren’t sure if Soyna went to bed or went out. Yelena was eyeing the couch that had been her bed for the past few nights. “Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?” You asked as if you could read her mind. She looked at you, her green eyes wide.

“Can I?” She whispered. It was so rare to hear such vulnerability in her voice.

“Of course, you can,” you took the bottle from her and put it back in the fridge, making a mental note to buy Soyna two new bottles. You grabbed Yelena’s hand and brought her to your room. The first time she was in her was when she dropped you off. You’ve changed it since then, added posters of bands you liked and pictures you’ve taken around the city. She sat on the edge and looked around your room. “Do you want to change?”

“Clothes are out there,” she pointed to the door. “Don’t wanna move,” you giggled. “What’s so funny?” She asked as you walked to your closet.

“Your just cute,” you saw a blush rise to her cheeks. “I have stuff you can use,” you grabbed her a long sleeve shirt and an extra pair of sleep shorts. You handed them to the blonde but knelt on the floor to take off her boots. She didn’t fight you but watched you with a curious expression. “Do you need help changing?” Yelena shook her head. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” You left your room with her boats in hand to give her some privacy. You filled two glasses with water before returning to your room. Yelena was changed and resting her back on your headboard. You placed both glasses of water on your nightstand. “Did you get hurt tonight?” She hesitated but shrugged. “Do you want me to look at it?”

“No,” she simply said. You turned on the light you had on your nightstand and turned off the overhead light before climbing into bed. She copied you, getting under the covers, and lay down to face you. Tears swelled in her eyes.

“Yelena,” you whispered. “Are you okay?” She shook her head, a sob escaping her lips. You didn’t think and brought the emotionally distraught Black Widow into your arms. She tensed up at the sudden contact but you felt her hands grip onto your shirt like a lifeline. “Sh, you’re okay,” you whispered, undoing the braid in her hair and running your fingers through her blonde locks. “Your safe. Your safe.” You kept repeating it until her cries turned into hiccups and her breathing evened out. She was fast asleep in your arms. You wondered if she ever allowed herself this peace, this safety net to fall back on. Yelena always seemed so strong, barely showing any emotion. It had to be exhausting. You allowed yourself a few minutes of soothing her before falling asleep.

*

It took a few moments for Yelena to recognize where she was, alone, in a room she had only seen in passing but never dared to go in. Your room. It always seemed welcoming, warm, and inviting. Yelena groaned, pushing her hands to her temples. Her head was pounding. She wasn’t sure if it was from all the alcohol she drank or the crying. She couldn’t remember the last time she cried, especially in front of someone. It was embarrassing and threatened the way she presented herself. But last night was the best night’s sleep she’s had in a long time. Yelena saw the glass of water and medicine you left out for her. There was a part of Yelena that was curious about where you ran off to but the much louder part was dreading to face you. With a sigh, she finished the water and ventured into the apartment. You were in the kitchen, mixing something into a metal bowl. “Where is Soyna?” Yelena asked. You jumped slightly.

“She ran to the store so I’m in charge of breakfast,” you smiled. “I’m making pancakes.”

“Do you need help?” Yelena offered. She wasn’t well versed in the kitchen, surviving mostly on take-out or easy microwave dinners.

“Can you make coffee?” That was something she could do and she was grateful to do something. You turned up the music you were listening to and the kitchen was no longer quiet. When the coffee started, Yelena couldn’t help but watch you move around the kitchen. You were so different than the other Widows she’s saved from Dreykov’s claws. You were soft, caring, and like Melina said all those years ago to her and Natasha you kept your heart. Her heart was tainted, blackened with grief and a thirst for revenge. But she felt empty, lost, and without a purpose. “Your thinking too hard,” your voice pulled her out of her thoughts. “Sit. The food is done.” Yelena did what she was told and sat down. You placed a plate in front of her with syrup and coffee from the pot. Why were you doing this? Yelena wasn’t deserving of your kindness. “Yelena, stop thinking and just eat.” You smiled. Your smile made her stomach flip.

“Thank you,” she took a bite of the food. “It’s really good.”

“I’m glad you like it,” you both ate in silence, allowing the music to fill it. But her mind started to wander and it went back to your room. Yelena had a room at Melina’s farm, she rarely used it as she slept in hotels or apartments of the Widows she’s helped. The room wasn’t decorated, and she didn’t have posters or pictures to hand up. The only picture she had was a ripped photo strip of her and Natasha.

“Yelena,” she looked at you. “Are you okay?” She forced a smile.

“I’m okay, malen’kaya zvezda (little star), no need to worry.” She wasn’t expecting you to frown.

“Your not okay,” you said. Your blunt comment surprised her. “And that’s okay. We can’t always be strong. We have to break now and again.” Yelena chuckled, shaking her head.

“Tell me, how did you keep your heart?” She asked. You didn’t mask the confusion on your face. “Your heart is good. They didn’t taint it.” Your frown deepened.

“Do you not think your heart is good?” Yelena couldn’t find an answer. How could she tell you she was hired to kill an Avenger and she believed the lie that he killed her sister? “I think your heart is good,” you continued. “You wouldn’t do what you do if your heart wasn’t good.” Yelena laughed bitterly, looking out towards the window. She wondered what Clint and Kate were doing right now. Were they celebrating Christmas?

“Do you ever wonder why we were put through the Red Room?” She asked. “Besides following Dreykov’s orders and taking down countries and starting wars. But what about now? The Red Room is gone and we are left with these kills,” she sighed, running her hands through her hair. “What was I made for? I used to know but I’m not sure now.” Yelena looked at you. You were watching her intensely, it made her feel small and foolish under your graze for opening up like this. But she couldn’t stop.

“Sometimes I don’t feel real,” she continued. “I’m just something someone paid for. I don’t know how to feel,” Quietly, you rested your hand on top of hers. Yelena was surprised she didn’t pull away.

“What was your mission?” You asked. Yelena stared at your connected hands.

“Someone put a hit on Clint Barton,” she didn’t need to loop up for you know you knew the name. “Valentina gave me the job. She said,” Yelena sighed, closing her eyes. Her throat began to burn as she felt her emotions start to overpower her. “She said he had a hand in my sister’s death.”

“Did he?” You whispered. Yelena shook her head.

“No. It’s why I didn’t kill him,” you didn’t say anything instead you ran your fingers across her hand. It was soothing. “I wonder,” Yelena continued. “If Valentina is like Dreykov. I’m blindly following orders without thinking for myself.” It was your turn to sigh and Yelena glanced up at you. You were deep in thought, staring at the now empty plate.

“You and I and every other Widow were not given a fair or easy life,” Yelena counted herself lucky for the 3 years in Ohio. She was given a family, even though it was for a mission. It was more than some of the other girls had. “We were born to be used, and abused, and controlled but I know that isn’t the end of our story.”

“What is the end?” Yelena asked. You finally began to smile.

“I don’t know but we are free, Yelena. We write our own story. No man or woman can take that from us,” you squeezed her hand. “You were made to be anything you want.” Yelena scuffed, shaking her head. You made it sound so easy.

“I don’t know what I want,” there was one thing she wanted more than anything in the world. She wanted more time with her sister. It was so unfair how little time they had together. You removed your hand as you started cleaning up the breakfast. Yelena hated to admit how much she missed it.

“Well, I would stop working with Valentina,” you loaded the dishwasher. “Go on a vacation. Swim in the ocean. Eat your weight in ice cream,” Yelena chuckled. Once you were happy with how the kitchen, you leaned back on the counter. “That’s the beautiful and scary thing about being free there is no limit to what we can do,” Yelena smiled, a real when. She wasn’t sure how long it had been since she smiled.

“You still didn’t answer my question,” she said. “How did you keep your heart?” You shrugged.

“They tried to break it,” you told her. Your smile was no longer happy. “But I had to believe the horror we were subjected to wasn’t our end. It gave me hope,” this time Yelena grabbed your hand and interlocked her fingers with yours.

“Will you join me?” She asked. “On my self-discovery journey.”

“Yeah, of course,” you said. “I’d follow you anywhere you go.” Yelena felt a warm feeling grow in her chest. She couldn’t blame the alcohol or her grief. You were to blame for this giddy feeling that she had about the future. For once, Yelena wasn’t afraid and she hoped to make her sister proud.

_

Might return to this little AU in the future. May add some angst in Part 2. We'll see what happens and how I'm feeling lol

[loveemii]

ミ★ 𝑳𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑳 ★彡

★☆𝑳 𝒙 𝑭𝒆𝒎☆★

(listen to TV or i love you by Billie Eillish for best experience)

Warning: It’s a little sad

You were in you’re hotel room, the one L had hidden away from the task force members. It was around 3 am when L walked in, he seemed a little sad. He always gave off a semi depressed vibe. And his aura was dark blue most of the time which meant he was feeling some sort of sadness or grief.

He walked in the room and saw you reading with you’re headphones in, you didn’t hear the door open due to you’re music covering that sound of the door creaking. Suddenly the light in the room shuts off and it made you look up and around the room. At the light switch you’re eyes were fixated on the standing figure against the wall. It was L. You’re boyfriend.

You turned off your headphones and put them and the book down on the bed where you were sitting last. As you walked up to him to greet him he just look at you in the eyes. He was admiring them, even though it was a little dark in the room.

He grabbed you’re hand and walked you to the big window that was in the living room. He open the blinds and look at your face, it revealed some moonlight to appear in line on your face. As the hotel room had blinds and not curtains. He sat down and you followed.

“Everything ok L?”

“The moon looks pretty tonight.”

You knew what that meant. He said I love you. That’s what it means. You felt your heart beat faster and you didn’t have control over your emotions, after a minute of slice you gathers yourself and began to speak once more.

“The moon is pretty tonight.”

“Can you hold me Y/n? I want you to hold me on your arms.”

“Mhm, come here.”

You said as you opens your arms for him to slid through. He rested his head on your shoulder and closed his eyes for a while. You looked through the blinds to watch the moon and the stars pass by. L spoke once again.

“Y/n, recently I have been feeling depressed.”

You’re face frowned at first hearing those words.

“Tell me about it.”

“It’s the case, it’s very difficult and I feel stuck in a circle. I can’t seem to get any lead on Light. It’s like he already covers his tracks.”

You brushed your hand through his soft raven hair. He sighed into your shoulder.

“I have noticed for a while you have been feeling a certain way. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t feel like I could put that weight on you.”

“It’s alright, I’ve got you.”

A single wet tear dropped on you’re shirt. You look over you’re shoulder and saw him burying his face into you’re arm. He hugged you tightly and you rubbed his back. While giving home reassurance that you have him and that it will all be ok soon enough. You gently grab his chin and lift it up to meet your face. You whipped away his tears and kissed his forehead.

“Y/n? Can we lay down?”

“Sure, come on.”

You said as you slowly got up with him. He curled up into the bedsheets and you hugged him from behind. He started to hum with a tired tone in his voice. It was a little shaky as he was crying earlier. You kissed his arm and adjusted your position. The moonlight was still hitting you both was you payed there. For a couple minutes you payed there listening to him hum.

It’s one thing you noted about him, when he feels stressed, sad, uncertain, or lost he hums. You guessed it was his way of calming down. And being with you seems to make it a lot better. He can cry when he is around you, and he can express himself more than he does with anyone else. You took note of these things because it is very important to you that he is alright. Safe, healthy, happy, and alive. You know this Kira investigation is deadly but important to him, so you never tried to stop him from his passions.

Soon enough you both fell asleep in the same position. His cheeks were stained with his previous tears as you were holding him in your arms.

[elisysd]

17. Never been the type to let someone see right through

Summary: Kyle Dawson would never be more than a childhood crush to Romy Schumacher; she had made her peace with that fact long ago. But when a drunken night leads her to wake up next to him, new and old feelings come back to the surface, and what started as a mistake quickly becomes a habit. Even if she swore to herself that she would never fall again for the world champion, her heart has other plans. After all, the heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: i love you - Billie Eillish

She loved Latin America. It was always a fun time there, and it was even better now that Kyle was next to her. Or so she thought. She hadn’t expected her boyfriend to be this popular there. She knew he would be demanded, for sure; after all, he was a world champion and the leader of the current championship, but she never thought they would get swarmed by fangirls as soon as they landed. She stopped counting the number of times she had been pushed around, and if it hadn’t been for Kyle’s firm grip around her arm, she would have fallen more than once. Flashes of the cameras were shoved in their faces and she was happy when they managed to get in the car. Ethan was brooding a little; Julia wasn’t there, busy preparing the vow renewal of her parents. 

“Smile, Verstappen. It’s sunny, and Buenos Aires is always a fun Grand Prix. There is no reason for you to act this broody,” she teased him as Kyle was handing her a bottle of water. 

“I brood if I want. Julia should have been there,” he sighed, looking at the landscapes behind the window.

“Julia is busy. She has a valid reason for not coming.”

“I didn’t say she had not. But am I not allowed to miss my girlfriend?”

“Do you miss her, or do you miss the image she reflects on you?” Romy asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Romy…” Kyle started before being interrupted by Ethan. 

“No, let her say what she needs to say. She doesn’t like me; I’m cool with that. For the record, I don’t need a girlfriend to look good, Schumy.”

“Funny, I would have sworn that that’s exactly what you asked her a few months ago.”

“I changed. Things changed. Julia changed. I love her; deal with it.”

“If you loved her, you would treat her right.”

“I do.”

“Then why does she call me every now and then, crying. The last time you argued, she threw up in the street. I was there, holding her. All because of you. So don’t call this love.”

Ethan glared at her before snapping. 

“What do you know about love, Romy? You’ve played with Kyle’s feelings for months before finally deciding he was worthy of you. Don’t act like you are better than me here.”

She opened her mouth to answer back but was stopped by Kyle. 

“Stop it! Both of you. Ethan, don’t speak to her like that. Romy, Ethan knows he messed up with Julia. He beat himself up enough about it, okay? Now, I won’t keep on playing the referee in the war you have going on. I love you both; don’t make me pick a side. Please.”

This calmed everyone down. The ride to the hotel was made in silence, and when they finally arrived, Romy was the first one getting out of the car and making her way inside, not even waiting for her boyfriend, who sighed. 

“I’m sorry,” Ethan said to Kyle as they got their suitcases. “ I don’t want to put you in an awkward position with Romy.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. But she is right; always fighting with Julia isn’t healthy.”

“I know. I just don’t know how to stop it. Maybe she is right; maybe some time apart is what we need. But I miss her.”

“Call her, then.”

“I want to give her space,” the blond admitted, looking away and shy suddenly. Kyle touched his shoulder, whispering that everything would be okay. “I hope; I really don’t know what I would do if she left me.”

“See, another unhealthy habit of yours. You can’t rely on her only to be happy. You need to learn how to be by yourself.”

“I was a mess before her.”

“True, but that’s up to you to not return to your old habits.” 

When Kyle finally arrived in his room, she was already unpacking her suitcase, her headphones on, clearly not in a mood to talk which annoyed the American. He slowly approached her and lifted the earbuds, making her stiffen in the process. 

“I don’t want to talk,” she said. 

“You having your headset on was a clear indication, yeah.”

“So why are you insisting?”

“Because you’re mad at me.”

“Yes, I’m mad!” she snapped. “Have you heard how he was talking to me?”

“Romy, not again. You won’t make me choose.”

“I’m not asking you to choose! I’m asking you to admit he isn’t fair.”

“Isn’t he?”

It made her stop, and a feeling of déjà vu washed over her. 

“Kyle, not again,” she sighed. 

“No, not again. You’re my girlfriend, I love you. But it doesn’t mean, and will never mean, I won’t call you out on your bullshit when you’re in the wrong.”

“Will you do it with Ethan as well?” she skeptically raised her eyebrow.

“I did. I pulled him apart because, unlike you, I’m not solving my issues with him publicly,” he sighed, turning his back to her, trying to find a sense of calm. He didn’t want to argue, not again. But if he was the calm one in that relationship, Romy was the storm. He knew she wouldn’t let go easily and was expecting her to clap back, which inevitably happened. 

“Are you insinuating that I don’t know how to solve my issues in private?”

“I’m not insinuating anything, Romy. I say things the way they are. And you acting childish and petty around Ethan is a fact,” he said harshly. 

He saw a flash of hurt in her eyes, but for once, he didn’t care. She needed to understand, and he couldn’t always be nice and protective of her. Some harsh truths were required to come to light, and she needed to listen to them. 

“Well, since I’m childish and petty, you won’t mind me sleeping in my own room this weekend,” she stated, looking him straight in the eyes, daring him to add something.

“I think maybe it is better this way, indeed.”

She simply nodded, packed her bag messily, and left the room without saying anything. The American driver ran a hand in his hair and on his face. A few weeks ago, he would have run to her, kissed her, and begged her to come back, scared she would leave him. But today, he just needed time for himself. And probably away from her. He loved her. She was the love of his life, and he would always feel guilty about not seeing it sooner, regretting the time lost between them. Time he would never get back. But love wasn’t everything. Relationships were not always glittering and rainbows, as they convinced their fans and loved ones. His relationship with Romy wasn’t perfect. It was filled with guilt from the past and anguish of the future. He needed to let go of his fear of losing her, and she needed to be able to trust him to not hurt her. He wasn’t lashing out at her because he enjoyed it; he was trying to avoid a deeper conflict that could arise if issues were left unaddressed. But he wasn’t sure how to do it if she was getting ticked off so quickly. 

Romy groaned in her pillow. She was mad. Mad at Kyle, mad at Ethan for being able to drive a wedge between her boyfriend and herself, but most importantly mad at herself because she knew deep down that he was right. She was immature, and her reactions weren’t ones a twenty-two-year-old should have. Not a responsible one, at least. She should have gotten up and apologized but had never been good with excuses. She was more adept at ignoring the issue until it disappeared by itself, which was a very unhealthy coping mechanism. She was even less used to apologizing to a man. 

She fidgeted, internally debating on what she was supposed to do now. She didn’t know what a relationship was like, and Kyle was an expert in the matter. He knew what it was to be with someone, how to act, how to be the perfect boyfriend. He was excelling at it. It came so naturally that she was scared she wouldn’t be able to live up to his expectations and that he would get bored of her. She wasn’t as perfect as him, she wasn’t as good with words, and she wasn’t as reassuring as he could be. She was a raging storm, and he was the sun coming afterward. 

A knock on her door interrupted her thought, probably for the best. She was expecting Kyle at her door and was taken aback when Ethan’s blond hair faced her. 

“I come in peace. Can we talk?” he asked, and she stepped to the side to let him in. “I think we should make peace… for the sake of everyone. Kyle and Julia. I don’t want to lose either of them because we are too stupid to set our differences aside and act like adults.”

“I hate to admit it, and if you repeat it, I’ll make sure you never step inside an F1 car ever again, but you’re right. Julia is a sensitive topic for me. She is like a sister, and she has been through a lot of shit. I’m just protective of her. And you don’t have the best track record regarding girls…”

“I could say the same about you.”

“Shit… does it mean we are not as different as I thought we were?” she grimaced. 

“I think we're more alike than we both want to admit. I know I haven’t been the best guy around Julia; I know I made her cry more times than I can count. I know how much I hurt her, and I beat myself up enough about that. But I’m slowly learning what it is to really love someone. I make mistakes, but I love her, Romy. I really do love her. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I miss her. I actually miss someone, can you believe it? Someone matters to me other than myself, and if you had told me that at the beginning of the season, I would have laughed. Hard. It’s a weird feeling I am still trying to get accustomed to. I’m just asking you to give me the benefit of the doubt… Like I do with you and Kyle,” he explained calmly. 

She stayed silent, letting his words sink in. He was honest. There was no malice in his eyes, no arrogant attitude in the way he carried himself. For a moment, she got a glimpse of the man he was deep inside—a man who cared but was afraid to show it, a fear mirroring her own. 

“I believe you. And I hope you’re going to believe me when I say that Kyle is probably the biggest constant in my life and that I don’t want to lose him. He is important to me.”

“Do you love him?”

“I do,” she nodded. 

“But do you love him enough? Because Kyle is an all-or-nothing guy. He won’t give you the moon or the stars, Romy. He will give you the goddamn galaxy. He will go to whatever lengths he deems necessary to make you happy. You have the power to crush him entirely; you know that. Or at least, I hope you do. He loves racing, but I have known him for long enough to be able to say that what he wants the most is to love someone deeply and unconditionally. He chooses you. Do with that what you will.” 

“No pressure…” Romy mumbled, the feeling of guilt coming back full speed in the pit of her stomach. 

“I don’t want to make you feel bad or anything, believe me. I just want you to realize that this man is down bad for you, and acting stupid will just hurt him more than anything else.”

“I know. I’m just scared, I guess. I am not scared of him; I trust him with everything that I have. I’m scared of myself, Ethan. I don’t want to hurt him, but I know I do.”

“Maybe what we both need to do is hold onto what we feel for the person we love. Because if we love them enough, everything will work out, right?” he said and Romy wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

Author's note: Who missed Ethan? 🙋🏻‍♀️ I love his relationship with Romy 🥹

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist: @smoooothoperator-admin

[please-someone-give-me-love]

Well, about Barbie...

I think it was a good movie, but just nothing more, it didn't leave me with anything I didn't know? I don't know, because I really like everything but at the same time I just enjoyed in an okey level.

My favorite things were:

Barbie existencial crisis.

I feel the whole arc of Barbie feeling human was really beautiful, Barbie was able to feel human in every way you could think, in both, positive and negative ways because there's not a middle term.

Her scenes crying feeling the emotions, thinking about the death and questioning her body was really great.

Ken's character arc

For people hating him, I did really understand his character a lot and (please don't call me pick me), even I feel a little relatable to some of his questions.

I think a lot of people just kinda ignored his character arc in order to reduce the morality and just put a good vs bad debate but they don't realize that Ken wasn't just like that since the beginning, he felt frustrated for living in a world were his presence was dismished and reduced to look for a female approbation, the same with the patriarchy does with the woman, Ken was living in the same way.

He didn't know who he was because they have always assume they should be accesories and nothing more, without personality or interests.

When he came to the real world, he got so excited to see him being respected and taking account that he started doing the same in resentment towards the barbie.

I think that's why Barbie apologize to Ken (even that I also think Ken should apologize as well) but she realize that Ken wouldn't do that if they just took him account since the beggining.

Matriarchy vs Patriarchy

Talking about the same, I like the way the movie told us that none of these systems are good or healthy. It pushed both of the genders of certain expectations that ended up hurting everyone.

I don't understand how some men were so upset when it's clearly that the movie talks about both of these system.

In both system you are reducing the other gender ignoring their thoughts, feelings and persona, which create social resentment and will end up bad.

For the matriarchy, it pushes to the Barbies being 24/7 perfect.

For the patriarchy, it pushes the Kens to be emotional represses.

That's what the movie is mocking as well, the toxic masculinity due to trying to always win in the system they create.

Another thing that I didn't understand why men were so upset. The movie made clear that you need habilities and capacities to do things, it's not just enough with being men, you need to study, work and effort as well but it's their own system that benefits them more for doing the same thing that women do as well.

The originality in direction.

I really liked the whole direction of the movie, the narrator, the way some jokes were complementate by the direction as well like that mattel advertisment about barbie beinf depressed, the transition and toy style.

I found it pretty great and new to see and also realky funny.

The music.

Well, there's nothing more to say, pretty good in everything. My favorite was What I was made for by Billie Eillish, grea song and great timing.

The good and bad in Barbie.

I really like the way aknowledge both senses, since the part of creating stereotypes, consumism and parody that a feminist doll is directed by a bunch of white men was a great and brave step but also to the part of inpiring millions of kid to be what they want to be no matter what other said.

Now the things I wasn't a big fan.

I wish Barbie would stayed more in the real world.

I feel they could use the opportunity to talk more about the social issues aside from the parodies or the speeches. Like the initial harrasment that Barbie had to went through was really fast and for them talking about this topic leave me with a feeling that the movie should take itself a more serious cases and explored more the world.

The scene when the mom gave her speech to Barbie and they started taking every Barbie with them and giving them little speech to recover them. I think they could do better if the mom just did a whole big speech to the whole Barbieland and they wake themeselves up and started supporting and turning against the kens by their own, I think it would mean that even with men around us, that doesn't mean we can't have a personality with ideas and thoughts and it would gave a stronger empowerment scene.

Ken's lack of apology, he also had to apology.

I feel they explored the topics in a really superficial way, not only that but mostly of the characters with tje exception of Ken and Barbie does not have a character arc, especially the mother and daighter, I think they could explore more their character and they did a little with the mother but not with the daughter.

Now, my personal opinion.

My family told me I was expecting too much nd maybe they were right because the whole debate and publicity, I was expecting more. It's not a perfect movie but it's not bad either.

At the beggining I thought we were going to talk about a sexual harrasment case were the kid modificate her Barbie because of that and barbie crying in sadness understanding those feelings was something really makes me feel sad.

Obviously that didn't end up like that but i create false expectations from a couple of scenes so that was my fault lol hahaha

About the white feminist, I am gonna try to just ignored because it's Barbie and Mattel what can we expect in a movie about a doll but I just want people to stop putting it as a good thing. POC and minorities shouldn't have to be a minimun topic to talk and explored in a little way, we shouldn't have to be conformed with so few okay?

I am gonna ignored but I am not forgetting that some of these women that right now are taking about sorority and girls supporting girl, before they were attacking another POC women just because they dislike their races and bodyshamed other women in the same way.

Criticism, validation of opinions and sorority.

I get a lot of men are basically stupid and making stupid mysogistic comments but some criticsm are valid, Barbie is not a perfect movie, accept criticism, especially if another women is making it.

Because I had seen people attacking anyone, including woman, that said that the movie is not perfect and that's literally the completely opposite meaning of the movie.

How do you think y'all are looking like when you tell another women they didn't understand the movie and that their opinions and experiences are invalid because they just didn't like a movie?

You are doing the same shit the men do when they are mansplaining, so please stop doing it and respect people's thoughts.

I did understand the movie, I did feel related in some aspects as well, but that doesn't mean that define my personal taste and opinion, so please don't reduce me for that.

[ickybby]

open to: anyone dtf who isn't intimidated by seree

plot/connections: loosely based on NDA by billie eillish . this is the first time their current fling is visiting this nepo baby's place (one of them, anyway). usually, she goes to them or they meet up. the two must have gotten pretty close for seree to allow them in like this. or maybe she's just acting like they're closer than they are until she can decide if she trusts them. it's hard to decipher your emotions when you've learned to fake them like a pro before you learn to ride your bike without its training wheels. seree has 100% made them sign a NDA before they even got the fucking address of her home. potential connections; the latest nepo baby vying for her attention, someone who is also involved in the entertainment industry, a professor from the university she's enrolled in bc she just can't mingle with the normie fans in her classes

character: seree hails from reality tv royalty. she also used to be a child actor but turned to modeling in her adolescence when her not-so-private life got in the way of her original career. as an adult, she's in a notoriously elite university to fulfill trust fund requirements. seree is barely keeping her head above water trying to figure out how to pry back any bit of privacy from the public.

"oh... did you think i was serious when i said i didn't understand what i was learning this semester? that's kinda cute. i'm doing fine. but i wasn't gonna just ask you if you wanted to fuck. too messy. this gives me plausible deniability in case anything gets out." she tips some of the wine in her glass into her mouth, sipping with a smile before it's left on the coffee table. "heads up, no one ever spends the night. well, except for the stalker who says he's satan. but he's never been inside so he's an outlier. don't get your hopes up or your feelings hurt. this isn't even my actual home, i bought a secret house when i was 17. my father just needed to find me a private place off campus so he worked something out with the people who used to rent this mcmansion to get them out of here and into their dream property, this place is kind of ostentatious though. so i wonder what THAT looks like for them. —hey, do you wanna skinny dip in the pool? you'll see what i mean about the place being ostentatious. they have some kind of homage to the fountains of bellagio thing going on out there. complete with a light show and everything."

[angelaofwhite800]

Supernatural x sister!reader (Bring it) Chapter 12: Bloody secrets (pt, 1)

Word count: 2,390

Toledo Ohio

Songs: "Afraid" -The Neighborhood 

"Something in the Orange" -Zach Bryan

"Hostage" -Billie Eillish 

"When the party's over" -Lewis Capaldi 

Y/n was sat in bed watching the tv in the motel room. Her fever hadn't lifted and she still felt like crap. In fact she was actually feeling worse than she was before. The door to the motel room suddenly flew open and Sam and Dan rushed inside. They were ushering a girl in who seemed to be only a few years older than Y/n. They made eye contact and Y/n looked at her brothers confused

"What's going on?" She asked as Sam led her over to one of the motel beds, where she quickly sat down, pulling her knees up and hugging them to her chest and burying her face in her knees as terrified sobs wracked through her body. Dean immediately got to work closing curtains "Just help us cover anything reflective" Dean barked out at Y/n. She quickly got up and did as she was told, throwing a blanket over the tv which had been switched off, and taking a mirror off the wall laying it face down on a desk. She turned to look at the scene unfolding before her. Sam sat on the bed next to the girl, speaking to her calmly and softly. Dean was pacing around the room, clearly very nervous. Y/n went to him and asked him what was going on. Dean spoke to her quietly in hope that he wouldn't alarm or upset the girl they had brought in with them any more then she already was

"Spirit we've been chasing, 'Bloody Mary'. She haunts mirrors and carves out the eyes of people who are present when she's summoned and had secrets in which somebody died. Now little Charlie here is on the chopping block" Y/n stood next to Dean with her arms crossed over her chest. They were both watching Sam and Charlie. Dean, changing the subject, turned to Y/n and asked "How are you feeling by the way?" Y/n rolled her eyes at Dean before shooting back

"Not really the priority right now De" She walked forward and stood in front of Charlie. Charlie looked up at her and Y/n smiled at her "Hey, you're Charlie, right?" Charlie nodded, and Y/n continued "I'm Y/n, I'm Sam and Dean's sister. I hunt monsters with them. Dean told me about what's going on, I'm so sorry this is happening" Charlie gave Y/n a small smile as tears rolled down her cheeks

"Thanks." Charlie said quietly. Dean walked around to the side of the bed

"Charlie we need to know what happened" Charlie looked at Dean and said

"Donna and I were in the bathroom. She said it-" Charlie started to explain how Bloody Mary started coming after her, but Dean cut her off gently

"That's not what we're talking about" Charlie looked at him confused for a moment before he went on "Something happened in your life, didn't it? In your life, a secret" Charlie looked away from the Winchesters, shame and guilt written on her face. "Someone got hurt. Can you tell us about it?" It was clear something had happened. She was hesitant to speak, but after thinking for a few more moments she said

"I had this boyfriend. I loved him... but he kinda scared me to, ya know?" Y/n looked up at Dean with a worried look on her face as Charlie started her story. She looked back at Charlie as she went on. "And one night, at his house, we got in this fight... and I broke up with him. and he got upset and he said that he needed me and he loved me. And he said 'Charlie if you walk out that door right now I'm gonna kill myself'" Y/n's heart dropped to her feet as it was clear where this story was going. "And You know i said? I said go ahead... and I left... how could I say that? How could I leave him like that? I just I didn't believe him, ya know? I should've..." Charlie trailed off as the crying got more intense. Y/n placed her hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort Charlie, prompting Charlie to pull her into a hug and cry into her shoulder. Dean and Sam looked at each other, as if silently discussing what to do. Y/n just hugged Charlie back and tried to calm her down

"Listen Charlie" She said as she pulled back from the hug so that she could look at Charlie "Look at me, okay?" Charlie looked Y/n in the eyes, her tears not stopping to pour out, not even slowing down. "I know that it feels like it's your fault, that it feels like you killed him. But you didn't. He did. That was his choice, not yours. It wasn't your fault, okay?" Charlie nodded and continued to cry as Y/n pulled her in for another hug. After a little while Charlie had calmed down and the Winchesters went to the corner of the room to talk about what was next

"Okay, so boyfriend kills himself, that not exactly Charlie's fault" Dean starts thinking out loud to his siblings

"You know as well as I do that ghosts don't exactly see shades of grey Dean. Charlie had a secret and someone died. That's good enough for Mary" Sam said. Y/n chimed in

"Okay so bring me up to speed, whats going on here?" Sam looks at her and says

"So we think it's the spirit of a girl named Mary Worthington who was killed in front of a mirror. Her eyes were cut out and her killer was never caught. Now we noticed that Mary doesn't just kill people who summon her, like in the case of her first victim, but, that all of her victims had secrets that involved somebody dying." Y/n nodded along with what Sam was saying

"So, let's gank this bitch. Where was she buried?" Y/n asked

"Well thats the thing, she wasn't. Mary was cremated. But since she died in front of a mirror, so our theory is that her spirit got trapped inside of it, which is why she's able to jump from mirror to mirror to kill her victims" Sam explained. Dean jumped in

"So our plan right now is to go find the mirror that she was killed in front of and smash it. Hopefully then she won't be able to kill anymore."

"Sure, but if she's already able to jump from mirror to mirror, whats to stop her from jumping to another mirror after you smash the first one." Y/n had a point. The brothers both thought for a while about what to do "What we need is a way to summon Mary to her mirror and then smash it. That way we know she's in it when it get's destroyed" Sam and Dean nodded along with Y/n, but Sam spoke up

"But who's gonna summon her? I mean, to do that we'd need someone who had a secret involving someone dying" Dean chimed in. The three of them paused, trying to consider their options. That's when it occurred to Y/n. Her dreams. She had a secret that involved someone dying. She could summon Mary. She had to summon her. If she didn't more people were going to die. She wasn't going to let anyone else die because of her

"I'll do it.." Sam and Dean looked at her, shocked

"What are you talking about?" Dean stepped forward as he interrogated his sister "Y/n, what happened?" He and Sam were panicked, confused. Y/n stepped back and looked at Dean worried. She didn't want to tell them what happened. But more than that, she couldn't tell them now. If she did, there would be no one left who could summon Mary to her mirror. And if they couldn't kill her, Charlie would die, along with God only knows who else

"Well if I told you, then it wouldn't be a secret would it?" Dean sighed. No way was he going to put Y/n in danger like that

"No. No way" Dean said, shutting down the idea

"What?! Why not?" Y/n argued back

"I'm not letting you be ghost bait!" Dean crossed his arms, standing firm in his position

"But I've been ghost bait plenty of times before why is this time any different?!" Y/n continued to push the issue, but Dean just shook his head

"That was then, but I'm in charge now, and I won't put you in danger like that!" Sam just stood, thinking about all of their options. and as much as he hated it, he knew just as well as Y/n that this really was their only option

"Hold on Dean" Sam said, putting his hand on Deans shoulder. Dean looked at him shocked

"Sammy, no!" Dean fought back, pushing Sam's hand away. The truth was that Dean knew they didn't really have any other option, but her still didn't like it, and he wasn't willing to put Y/n in danger for anyone

"Dean we don't have any other option. Plus, we'll both be there the entire time. If anything goes wrong we can protect her." Sam tried to reason with Dean. He looked away from his siblings, frustrated. His gaze drifted to Charlie, who was curled up again on the bed, hiding her face from the outside world, trembling in fear. He sighed, giving into his siblings request

"Fine. But you don't leave her side, got it?!" He ordered Sam. Sam nodded and simply said

"Wasn't planning on it." Y/n, still in her flannel pajamas pants and Bon Jovi shirt she had stolen from Dean, followed her brothers out to the Impala, after saying goodbye to Charlie and instructing her to stay there until they returned and gave her the all clear. They sped off very quickly to an antique store in town where the boys had tracked the mirror to. Y/n was scared, obviously. She was putting her life in danger. Not that the concept was new to her. But still. and even if she does survive this encounter, she's going to have to explain to her brothers. Now that they know she has a secret, especially one so serious, she knows there is no way of getting around having to confess to them. And then what? The very thing she was trying to avoid for weeks was now coming to pass and there wasn't really anything she could do to avoid it anymore. Nobody said anything. The car ride over was complatley silent, aside from all of the siblings thoughts. Dean was freaking out, spending every moment driving trying to think of any way that he could stop them from having to use Y/n as bait, even trying to think back if he had a secret that would make him qualify as a target for Mary, Sam did the same. But there was nothing. It had to be Y/n. and they hated it

They arrived at the store. It was closed, obviously, seeing as it was late in the night. That was good. It meant that they could get in and out without having to deal with the store owner. After he picked the lock to the store front Sam slowly and carefully pushed the door open. They entered into the shop. looking around Y/n's heart sunk with dread as she realized that the entire store was full of mirrors

"Please tell me you guys have a picture of that mirror?" She asked. Dean stuck his hand in his pocket, pulling out a folded up pice of paper. Unfolding it he held it so they could all three look at it. Taking in every detail of it, Y/n started looking around the shop for the mirror, each of the Winchesters splitting up in different directions. Dean shouted from his section of the store

"Maybe they already sold it?" Y/n hadn't even thought about that. She prayed that that wasn't the case, that there was still a chance to save Charlie. That prayer seemed to have been answered because almost right away Sam responded, saying

"I don't think so" Y/n followed his voice and found her brothers standing in front of a mirror that matched the one in the picture. To confirm Dean held up the picture and compared the two, saying 

"That's it..." Dread was clear in his voice. He let out a shaky breath as his arms fell to his sides and he kept his gaze fixed forward, trying to ignore the reality of what was happening. Sure, Y/n had been in many dangerous situations before. Hell, she'd even been ghost bait before this. But that wasn't his call, it was John's. Dean had fought him on it every time, and every time it killed him to watch their dad endanger Y/n like that for the sake of the hunt. This time though, it was Dean's call. It was his decision, he was responsible. Adding on top of all of that the fact that he really had no idea if this was actually going to work, if they would actually be able to stop Mary after they summoned her? It was almost too much for him to bear.

Y/n squeezed her way between her brothers, stepping forward and looking into the mirror, before she was stopped by a hand on her shoulder "You don't have to do this Y/n, we can find another-" She cut him off, putting her hand on his

"It's okay De. I'll be fine. Besides, you know that we don't actually have another option" Dean sighed, looking sorrowfully into his little sisters eyes. He pulled her into a hug, practically squeezing the life out of her. He released  her after a few moments, knowing he had to let her do this. She turned back to face the mirror, stepping forward towards it. She took a deep breath before speaking the words

"Bloody Mary... Bloody Mary... " Before finishing the chant she lifted up her crowbar like a baseball bat, ready to swing and smash the mirror at the first sign of Mary. She looked one last time at her brothers through the mirror, before looking back at her own reflection and saying "Bloody Mary..."

A/N: Hey guys. Sorry for the cliff hanger. I felt like this chapter was already getting long enough, but hopefully will have the next part out soon! Thank you again for all ur guy's support and feedback, it means the world to me <3

[luhcifermuses]

━━ ⟢ ( 𝕄𝕀𝕃𝕆 𝔸ℕ𝔻 𝕂𝕀𝔸ℝ𝔸 ) a playlist

A PLAYLIST BASED ON MILO AND KIARA'S DYNAMIC

EAT YOUR YOUNG HOZIER

I'm starving, darling Let me put my lips to something Let me wrap my teeth around the world Start carving, darling I wanna smell the dinner cooking I wanna feel the edges start to burn Honey, I wanna race you to the table If you hesitate, the getting is gone I won't lie, if there's something to be gained There's money to be made, whatever's still to come

MY EX'S BEST FRIEND MACHINE GUN KELLY

You know my ex, so that makes it all feel complicated, yeah (It all seems complicated) I read those texts that you sent to yours But I'll never say it, yeah (I'll never say-) You walked in my life at 2:00 a.m. 'Cause my boy's new girl is your best friend Act like you don't see me, we'll play pretend Your eyes already told me what you never said Now we're in the back seat of the black car going home When she asked me, "Is it wrong if I come up with you?" We're both drunk on the elevator When I kissed you for the first time in New York City, uh

TEENAGE DIRTBAG OFFSPRING

Man I feel like mould It's prom night and I am lonely Lo and behold she's walking over to me This must be fake my lip starts to shake How does she know who I am? And why does she give a damn about me? I've got two tickets to Iron Maiden baby Come with me Friday, don't say maybe I'm just a teenage dirt bag baby like you Oh yeah dirt bag No she doesn't know what she's missing

FROM EDEN HOZIER

To the strand a picnic plan for you and me A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

OCEAN EYES BILLIE EILLISH

I've been watchin' you for some time Can't stop starin' at those ocean eyes Burning cities and napalm skies Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes Your ocean eyes No fair You really know how to make me cry When you gimme those ocean eyes I'm scared I've never fallen from quite this high Fallin' into your ocean eyes Those ocean eyes

WHEN THE PARTY IS OVER BILLIE EILLISH

Don't you know I'm no good for you? I've learned to lose you, can't afford to Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin' But nothin' ever stops you leavin' Quiet when I'm comin' home and I'm on my own I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that Don't you know too much already? I'll only hurt you if you let me Call me friend but keep me closer (call me back) And I'll call you when the party's over

WHAT KIND OF MAN FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

And with one kiss You inspired a fire of devotion that lasts for twenty years What kind of man loves like this? To let me dangle at a cruel angle Oh, my feet don't touch the floor Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out But you never close the door

SWEET TALK SAINT MOTEL

Oh, when you laugh I forgive that it's about me But it's alright Yeah, 'cause being your punchline Still is something Yeah, well, I'm not scared I'm not going nowhere Yeah, you might want me to drop dead But I don't even care Sweet talk Everything you say It sounds like Sweet talk to my ears You could yell "Piss off! Won't you stay away?" It'd still be Sweet talk to my ears

DOOMSDAY LIZZY MCALPINE

Pull the plug, make it painless I don't want a violent end Don't say that you'll always love me 'Cause you know I'd bleed myself dry for you over and over again Doomsday is close at hand I'll book the marching band to play as you speak I'll feel like throwing up You'll sit and stare like a goddamn machine

END GAME TAYLOR SWIFT

Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations, ah And you heard about me, ooh I got some big enemies (yeah) Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we'd be a big conversation, ah And I heard about you, ooh (yeah) You like the bad ones too

CALL YOUR MOM NOAH KAHAN

Oh, you're spiralin' again The moment right before it ends, you're most afraid of But, don't you cancel any plans 'Cause I won't let you get the chance to never make them Stayed on the line with you the entire night 'Til you let it out and let it in Don't let this darkness fool you All lights turned off can be turned on I'll drive, I'll drive all night I'll call your mom

GIBSON GIRL ETHEL CAIN

You wanna love me right now You wanna get alone with me You wanna get my clothes off And hurt me You came alone to me From however far away Asking me to know how I know You're all the same Black leather and dark glasses Pourin' another while I shake my ass He's cold-blooded so it takes more time to bleed Obsession with the money, addicted to the drugs Says he's in love with my body, that's why he's fucking it up And then he says to me "Baby, if it feels good, then it can't be bad"

MR LOVERMAN RICKY MONTGOMERY

I've got this shake in my legs Shaking the thoughts from my head But who put these waves in the door? I crack and out I pour I'm Mr. Loverman And I miss my lover, man I'm Mr. Loverman Oh, and I miss my lover The ways in which you talk to me Have me wishin' I were gone The ways that you say my name Have me runnin' on and on

GOLDEN HARRY STYLES

You're so golden You're so golden I'm out of my head And I know that you're scared Because hearts get broken I don't wanna be alone I don't wanna be alone When it ends Don't wanna let you know I don't wanna be alone But I, I can feel it take a hold (I can feel it take a hold) I can feel you take control (I can feel you take control) Of who I am and all I've ever known Loving you's the antidote

LOVER, PLEASE STAY NOTHING BUT THIEVES

Lover, I know you're weary Eyes are tired from the night Lover, come to the kitchen floor Tiles are cold, so am I So take from me What you want, what you need Take from me, whatever you want, whatever you need But lover, please stay with me Lover, I feel your sorrow Pouring out of your skin

YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL NOTHING BUT THIEVES

Summer was long And it's suffocating when you're alone I gave you a call Baby, I could come by, help forget it all 'Cause in this sticky weather, oh, it's really hard to sleep As you know all too well And when we get together, oh, you make me feel so cheap But I can't help myself Filthy impetuous soul I wanna give it to you Oh, just to see what you’d do 'Cause I'm so drunk on you

CAMDEN GRACIE ABRAMS

I never said it, but I know that I Can't picture anything past 25 Not like I care to know the time and Not like I'm looking for that silence Self diagnosing 'til I'm borderline I'll do whatever helps to sleep at night Until I'm feeling like an island Until I'm strong enough to hide it What was I thinking looking for a sign? As if I've ever seen the stars align Somebody take over the drive and Somebody notice how I'm trying

GIMME LOVE JOJI

Swing around front, let me inside Playin' my song into my sides It hurts, I can't lie Remember those times I fought to get out? I want to get out Those pictures so clear, the fade in my mind You leavin' me here with ashes and fire These people don't heal, these people don't feel These people aren't real, so make me this deal Won't you?

CHURCH CHASE ATLANTIC

I'm about to take you back to church (back to church, baby) Well, tell me your confessions, baby, what's the worst? Yeah (yeah, what's the worst?) Baptise in your thighs 'til it hurts (you know it hurts) 'Cause I'm about to take you back to church (oh yeah) I'll keep you up until the sunset Speaking in tongues, yeah, we ain't done yet, yeah Don't take my verses out of context (yeah) I know it's weighing on your conscience

BROOKLYN BABY LANA DEL REY

They say I'm too young to love you I don't know what I need They think I don't understand The freedom land of the seventies I think I'm too cool to know ya You say I'm like the ice, I freeze I'm churnin' out novels like Beat poetry on Amphetamines I say

[notebookmusical]

Hi! It was my mom's bday yesterday so that's why I didn't reply. That's so cool that you're going with someone who didn't get to go and experiencing it for the first time and to bring your mom to the other show. I didn't think to bring my mom but that's way too long for her in a theater but might eventually watch it if it comes to streaming...and I hope it does! I think it will sometimes eventually. Also..I ordered the pink vinyl! I think it was a good cover and I didn't want to miss out this time. I hope you knew about it cuz I know Taylor didn't post it on her account. I love the color too! What do you think of the new beach aesthetic for the album? I know some people said it's so different than big city album..but I always kinda thought it was both too in a way. Or like..the city was just because that's where she was living at the time in her life more than the actual songs on the album. But I still love all the covers!

Did you get a chance to listen to Guts yet? I did and I liked it! I also think bad idea right is just okay and sounds a lot like brutal to me but vampire did grow on me a lot! I think there's a mix of pop punk and ballads in this album though and you might still enjoy it. I feel like half of my favorites were the pop punk ones and some were also the ballads. I noticed she has more relatable or different topics in this album compared to sour which made me think I liked it more. Like I was explaining, I think I just prefer that in songs and liked it more than Maisie's album on the first listen but it could be a little similar..maybe? Some people also compare Olivia to Billie Eillish and also Taylor. But I'm not trying to compare too much and they do have different styles..in lyrics and music, and I like both! I also prefer lyrics to music in songs since I like every genre..so usually the sound will eventually grow on me so maybe it will for you too. Also with lyrics, I listen to a lot of alternative music and there usually aren't very specific detailed lyrics most of the time so it's probably just a genre thing and sometimes more about the feeling. But my sister also said some of the songs were lacking emotion compared to sour and I kinda agree with that too. I'd be curious to know what you think but overall I liked it! Totally agree about Vertigo and it's cool that Taylor posted about it!

Ya I love dance heavy shows too..especially the ones you mentioned..and how well those revivals were, compared to the movie too. I'm so sorry you didn't get to see it..I had actually only seen the movie so I loved seeing it on stage and how different and exciting it was since the movie cut stuff out, and the acting was good. That video looks very cheap with no effort in set, acting or costumes so that really sucks! Ooh I have not looked at it yet but I totally will and I have only briefly heard of Marie Dancing still but that's good to know. I just realized most Sondheim shows have barely any dancing..lol. Also I am excited to listen to the Sweeney cast recording that just came out too!

Thanks for the recs! I will try to read as much as I can. I was really stuck on murder mystery and was originally just gonna do vague mystery but realized I own Arsenic and Adobo so that helps. I'm also not really into horror but do have something by Stephen King..I will try to find something else since it can be long.Also the witches one..but I liked your recs. I just realized I'll give you the Sun has a yellow cover..and you'll miss me when I'm gone does remind me of fall for some reason but I'm going to read it anyway. I did not know much about These Violent Delights and not really into fantasy but I heard good things and I do have both books. With autumn romance, I was wondering if Business or Pleasure counts..kinda? That's another book I still haven't finished. But if the Night Circus counts that's fine too! And ya..wuthering heights has been on my list for a while and now it sort of gives me a reason to read it..which is what's cool about the reading challenge..and also reading different books and genres. It keeps it interesting. Do you still read books at the same time for this or is it more one at a time for you? I'm trying to decide what strategy is best. I think reading one book has been working for me with Mistakes Were Made and I'll probably be finished soon, but with so many books..it also makes sense to start as many as you can..and I'm already in the middle of some of them so that's a good thing haha. I hope you are having a lovely weekend too and enjoy going to Vancouver!!!🩷🩷🩷

helloooo! i hope your mom had a lovely birthday and that you had a good weekend! i did get the pink vinyl! i was waiting for it!! i've ordered the pink one, and a friend was really kind and ordered me the yellow one. i also ordered the blue one, but i think i'll end up cancelling that one! i just don't have room for all of these vinyls haha. i really like the beach aesthetic for 1989, honestly! i think a good half of the songs do remind me of the city, and the other half remind me of the beach, so i think it's a fun! i can't wait to see what polaroids we get too!! which cover is your favorite so far? on another note, can i just say how lovely the vinyl colors are? i don't have a soft yellow or a pink vinyl in that shade yet so i'm super super excited to see how they look in person! some of my favorite vinyls are pink, so i'm just very excited!

i listened to guts a bit! i think it'll take some time to grow on me, but i was expecting that! i think a lot of olivia's stuff is very catchy, but i need some time to get into it! my top three currently are making the bed, teenage dream, and logical, but i also do like pretty isn't pretty a lot, and lacy is growing on me. i'm also very curious to see how olivia grows as a performer (i think she's really lovely, but i think she — like most artists that got big in the last three years — doesn't have a very strong stage presence, which makes sense given [gestures vaguely] everything). i don't listen to a lot of billie eilish but i really loved the song she did for the barbie movie, and i wish i got to see her at lollapalooza because i've heard she's a phenomenal live performer! speaking of vertigo, did you see the tiktok griff posted about vertigo/clean? it's so cute 🥺

i loved marie dancing still! it's one of my little musicals that i love very, very dearly (i saw it seven times in the span of three weeks — will never do that again for any musical + had a lot of lovely little circumstances/things fall into place that made it work out) but also a musical that i think should never go anywhere or at least needs very very heavy work before it should have another run! i haven't gotten a chance to listen to the new sweeney yet but hopefully soon!! i was at the bookstore today and didn't realize they released parade on vinyl, and then realized i also haven't listened to the new parade revival album yet either so i have to do that too! i just haven't been very good at listening to new cast recordings lately. i think the last thing i listened to was west end bonnie and clyde, and that was just because caitlyn kept posting about it! i will try to listen to the new sweeney todd soon and then we can discuss!!

arsenic and adobo is a very cozy murder mystery! i don't really read a lot of murder mysteries, unless they're cozy but i really liked it! i don't remember when business or pleasure is set, but if it takes place during the autumn months i'd count it as an autumnal romance! the witches one ... the very secret society of irregular witches (adult) is one of my FAVORITE books; it's so cozy and so lovely, but i also really liked the witch haven (ya) — some of my friends were let down by the sequel but i really liked how it ended! and the night circus is the loveliest autumn romantasy in my opinion!!! my friends and i are doing a traveling annotation book cub and one of them picked the night circus and i'm so excited because it'll give me a chance to reread (and to also count it for the readathon)!

i've been having the most chaotic reading schedule! i've mostly been jumping from book to book based on vibes, but sometimes i'll also just sit down and read a book in an entire sitting! so it really is just based on how much time i have/how i'm feeling that day. i also keep one book in my car, and one book in my mom's, and so if i have any time just waiting around i'll read a few pages of it (the book eaters is in my car, for the throne is in my mom's car) but that doesn't always work very well (and sometimes i'm in the mood to read it so i have to go to the garage to get it haha). i've got serpent & dove on audiobook, and then just started annotating seven year slip for traveling book club! i've been reading a chunk of les mis each month, but haven't felt in the mood for it this month yet, so i'm holding off! technically i started annotating the starless sea for a friend in january but then kept pushing it off, and i still have to get back into a fragile enchantment (arc) but it's not out for a few more months so i have time/have arcs coming out before that that i should get to! andddd i started harlem after midnight the other day but only got a chapter in and then wasn't feeling too well so i put it down and now i just want to get back to seven year slip haha!

vancouver was fun! and i've had a good weekend, health issues aside 🤍 hope you're having a good day and you have a great week!!!

[perpetuelledaydreaming]

18 | chapter nineteenth

summary: Billy and you play house. Billy makes a nice save and he doesn't particularly like Craig.

warnings: implied smut. implied abused.

listen to: Pretty boy-  The Neighbourhood | Ocean eyes - Billie Eillish | R u mine? - Arctic Monkeys (playlist here)

Please go look at the playlist, I revamped it all so you can read the chapters with the new songs and also maybe give your guesses of what's coming next given the songs?

word count: 3.6k

series masterlist + read the next chapter early on my ko-fi!!

By Monday morning you weren’t able to walk straight, with Craig out on business, it allowed you to spend all the weekend with Billy. Billy and you had spent the weekend playing house, as Billy had teased on Sunday while he helped you cook Emily and Max dinner, who’d also spent a considerable amount in your house since Billy thought it could distract your sister. She thankfully did, plus blasting music throughout the house, so they couldn’t hear you scream, was also the best idea you had. 

You’d also got to know him even more throughout that couple of days. You realized that you truly loved talking to Billy, beyond the witty banter that the both of you carried, you got to know him even more. It was unsettling how comfortable he felt with you, how easily you created a routine. But either way, you loved it. The way that he sang along to certain songs to the point that you had to hold back a laugh, his competitive nature, his interest, and opinions, even on politics. Especially how he read to you.

It was a shame that the paradise that was created by both of you wouldn't last too long. 

Billy had sneaked out of your place around five that morning, aware that Craig might show up earlier than he’d said he would. You played with his golden necklace as your limbs were tangled in your bed while Billy passed his hand through your hair delicately as you asked him to leave a bit earlier and to try to keep the PDA at bay at school. 

He didn’t say anything, nor did he look hurt or annoyed but you still knew it bothered him slightly. 

Therefore, as you limped through the hallways you were secretly dreading two things: Seeing Billy’s hurt expression and running into Eddie, who was now aware of why you’d been MIA throughout the last part of the week prior. Robin had called you on Saturday night after Eddie had told her that you couldn’t hang out with them since you had a cold, at least, that’s what you’d told Bob when you canceled your shift after Billy had begged you on his knees not to go to Peaches, after he started to kiss you through your underwear, there was little that you could do. 

Eddie, though, he knew as he waited for you on the path to your locker. 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you grumbled as you passed Eddie who was burning you with his eyes. 

“What the fuck? Of course, we do!” Eddie gawked at you, he followed you. “When, where, how?” he asked loudly as you looked back at him with a glare. 

“Eddie, stop it!” You bit back at him when you finally stopped at your locker. “And you already know where!”

Eddie scrunched his nose in disgust as he looked at you while your eyebrows quirked up. Eddie groaned loudly with a grim on his face as there was a hint of a smile on your lips. 

“Please tell me that at least the counter at Peaches hasn’t fallen victim to both of you,” Eddie muttered as he passed a hand through his face. 

He was so dramatic. 

“It hasn’t,” you lied as you recalled your first kiss with Billy and how he sat you on the counter. If you didn’t know any better, you would tell Eddie that it could soon be a victim too. Billy didn’t have self-control and apparently when it came to him, you didn’t have it either. “And please, stop talking about that. I’m nervous enough with the results,”

Suddenly, Steve and Robin made their way to your locker with anxious smiles. Robin launches towards you with a big hug as she holds your hand. 

“Are you ready?” she asked. 

You sighed as you shake your head slightly while Steve ruffled your hair slightly and then you turned to the right and he was right there. Billy’s eyes softened as his gaze met yours, he’d been nothing but supportive on Saturday night when you snapped out of your dreams as you recalled that the announcements on student president were made that day. There was a hint of a smile as he gazed at you through the crowd in the hallways while he pretended to listen to Carol talking. 

“Yeah,” you said as you gazed at Billy and nodded in acknowledgment. “I’m ready,”

As if you’d cue the principal, the speakers in the hallways let out a pitch before it turned off and you heard the school’s music for announcements.  

“Good Morning Hawkins High,” The principal said as your heartbeat began to raise. “First, the newspaper committee will be announcing their new members on Friday, following the next week there will be renovations,” you sighed as you gazed at Billy while you tried to block out the unimportant announcements. Billy motioned you to breathe and you followed suit, it felt like you were the only two people in the hallway.  

“Y/N!” Robin pulled you, you snapped your head towards her as you listened to the principal again, but your heart is beating way too hard in your chest, it was almost bursting. Your eyes met Billy’s again as the words of the director rumbled through the hallways. 

“And the winner of the run for president of the student body is,” 

You almost didn’t hear the principal calling your name, part because your eyes were linked to Billy’s and it seemed like they drowned everything out. It’s a blur, you don’t even notice the screaming and how your friends were shaking you until Eddie literally tackled your body and huddled with your other friends, effectively tearing your gaze away from Billy. 

“YOU WON!” Eddie screamed and Robin jumped around while hugging Steve.  

You erupted in laughter as you hugged and kissed your friends before jumping around with Robin, celebrating as much as you could while people began to chant your name near you. Suddenly, you felt a strong pair of arms around your torso pulling you away, you were being scooped into a tight hug, spinning you around happily as people in the hallway clapped and cheered for you. 

You didn’t need to see his face to realize it was him who’d picked you up. You felt his broad shoulders as you draped your arms around his neck, the scent of salty air and beach wrapping around you as he held you tightly with a wide grin. It was only until he settled down, with you facing him, that you realized what you’d done. 

Billy’s grin faltered a bit, his cheeks flushing as he looked around and let go of your hips. He turned to the crowd, they were staring at him as if he was insane, they were still clapping and cheering but slower than before, your friends had frowned as they gazed at both of you, Robin disgusted while Steve in shock. Eddie thought, he had a knowing look. 

“THERE’S GOING TO BE A PARTY, PEOPLE,” Billy screamed with a wicked smile. “COME ON!” he growled once more as he began to celebrate with other people. 

People soon Billy’s action and the crowd began to roar, they celebrated amongst themselves about the party as Steve handed in the flyers for it. Billy then returned to you, he gazed at you for a second while you shook your head with a slight smile. 

“Nice save,” you muttered, trying not to seem so close to him.  

Billy smirked as he discretely pinched your butt softly, you yelped at his movement, swatting his arm away as you glared at him before you returned to your friends. Although, Billy still noticed how your lips quirked up at his action as he shook his head and went to class. 

Billy didn’t see you again throughout the day. He wanted to be selfish. If he was being honest, he would’ve wanted to pick you up from the floor in that hallway and take you to his Camaro, making you scream his name before you fell asleep together. Billy’s memories of you throughout that weekend play on repeat in his mind. How he’d woken up with the sun rising in the Quarry, your body warm and soft against his. How you peered up at him with flushed cheeks and a relaxed smile as he brushed the stray hairs from your face while placing a soft kiss on your temple. 

The weekend definitely changed whatever previous dynamic you’d held. 

It was deeper, more real than before. 

Billy now wondered if he would ever be expected to wake up alone again. He loved spending time with you, he realized that beneath your icy exterior, there was so much warmth inside of you that washed over Billy. He loved it, he loved wrapping himself around you, always touching you. Face buried on your neck while your hair repeatedly tickled his nose, arms wrapped around your waist, leaving you no choice but to tickle him to wriggle your way out of his arms. 

Therefore it wasn’t a surprise when he went to the mall, bought some flowers and then drove to your place at eleven that same night. He’d climbed to the rooms of a couple of girls before, but usually, there wasn’t any bouquet of flowers or tape that he had to hold in his mouth as he pulled himself up to the roof that covered the porch while he gazed at the neighboring houses to be sure that no one would call Hopper and report a house invasion if they saw him.

He grunted slightly as he pulled his body up and carefully made his way to your window, looking through it. Billy gazed at you, pajama shorts and a sweater as you wrote in your notebook time and time again. You were too focused on whatever you were doing to notice him, brows and nose scrunching up as you read what you’d written and began muttering it out loud.  

He realized then that there was nothing more for him, no one else could make him feel like he felt for you. You were it for him. 

Billy smiled softly and finally tapped on your window. You jumped slightly at the sound and you frowned as you stared at him, while you realized that there were his blue eyes staring at you from outside. Quickly, you looked back to your door and then ran towards the window, curling your fingers and pushing it up with caution, praying that it didn’t make too much noise. 

“What are you doing?” you hissed as you opened the window to Billy. 

“Didn’t let me celebrate with you,” Billy replied as he stepped into your room trying to be as careful as he possibly could. “I had to bring the celebration here,” he sighed as he leaned down to the roof and took the flowers, presenting them to you with tape wrapped with them. 

Your heart hammered in your chest as he presented the bouquet of lilies and the tape. He’d recalled that you’d told him that your father used to bring lilies home when he arrived from a long trip or sometimes without reason. He’d remembered. 

“Billy,” you sighed as you stepped closer to him while holding the Lillies with watery eyes. 

“I really wanted to be with you all day,” he murmured as he towered over you. 

His scent drove your senses wild as he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. It started soft, so soft that you wondered how Billy Hargrove, who could look so brute and harsh could be so delicate with you, so affectionate. One of his hands slid around to cup the back of your neck while you deepened the kiss. Your hands quickly draped over his shoulders, pressing yourself against him while he gripped the back of your thighs, lifted you, and let your legs wrap around his waist. 

It comes almost as muscle memory now, how it goes between the two of you. How he kissed you so deeply, how he felt so warm all the time, how his fingertips were the root of the goosebumps that covered your skin. You’re dizzy by the time you’d stopped kissing and Billy settled on your bed, his sitting down while you straddled his lap. 

Leaving the flowers on the edge of your bed, you pressed yourself harder against Billy while littering his face with soft pecks that made him hum contently. 

“Why can we just let this pointless rivalry go on?” you murmured against his lips, your fingertips caressing his face slightly. 

You knew you had to say it, you knew that you had to bring it up eventually because otherwise, Billy would go around thinking that nothing had changed, that you didn’t care for him as much as you actually did. 

“Baby,” Billy whined softly as he flushed his chest against yours. 

You nudged his nose softly with yours. “I told you I can’t, at least, not yet,” you replied. 

“Why?” he asked as he pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth. 

Billy didn’t want to pressure you on this, afraid that he might scare you off, and yet, he knew he could handle not being able to express how he felt for you for so long. At least, he believed, he needed to know what was happening in your mind. 

You stared at him softly through your lashes as you trailed your fingertips over his nose and cheekbones. With a sigh, you pressed your forehead against his. 

“I’m scared,” you whispered so softly that Billy thought he hadn’t heard correctly at first. 

“Of me?” 

“No!” you hurried, shaking your head. “I’m scared of how my step-father could react if he found out,” you stated, nuzzling your head on his neck, trying to avoid his gaze. 

Billy frowned slightly at the notion that the only thing that could be stopping you would be your stepfather. He wondered if he would feel the same if his father found out, but honestly, Neil would be amazed that Billy had managed to make someone like you notice him. 

“Are you scared of him?” he asked as he passed a hand through your hair. 

There was a beat of silence in the air for a second as your eyes wandered to the small box on your desk. 

“Have you fucked up so badly before that you feel out of breath when they walk into the room because they might point out anything that you’re currently doing wrong?” you explained. “Have you ever felt so tense that your body aches as soon as you relax when they’re gone?”

There was no emotion as you stated it; you’d been wasting your tears and feelings when you were alone. But feeling Billy tensing up as he heard you, made you want to weep. 

The answer was yes. 

“Hey,” Billy muttered softly as he cupped your face and turned your head so you were looking at him, leaning a bit on the bed so his eyes met yours. “What’s wrong?” he asked staring at you, while you were teary-eyed. 

“Nothing’s wrong,” you murmured, seemingly holding back the tears. 

He couldn’t know, you weren’t ready. You’d been technically together for about five days, no one could know. Billy could see it, the walls standing strong in front of him as he gazed at you, he shook his head. 

“Then when?” 

You placed the heels of your hand on your eyes as if they could hide the tears that were brimming in your eyes. You believed that you were well past the tears when you realized the situation that you were in, and yet here you were holding them back so he couldn’t notice how much you were hurting. 

 “I don’t know but can you just trust me on this?” you stated as you stared at him softly. 

Billy sighed before leaning into you, pressing his lips against yours. 

“I get it, it’s annoying but I won’t force you to do anything if you’re not ready,” he agreed, glancing at your face with the most delicate features. 

“Thank you, 

You lifted your chin and pressed your lips against his. Billy kissed you tenderly in return, he snaked one arm around your waist, turning you around and placing you on your back as he continued to kiss you. If you’d kissed him that morning you met him, you wondered how much time would you have spent hating him. 

Not much, honestly. 

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as Billy grounded against you. 

And then you heard the faint footstep of someone climbing the stairs, his footsteps. Billy felt your whole body tensing up and how your breath became shallow for a second. 

“y/n?” It’s Craig. 

Billy turned towards your door and then to you before you climbed down his lap and closed the window. Billy stayed still for a second, unsure how to react to the panic drawn on your face, and now that you’d closed the only way he had to go out. Your eyes widened as you saw him waiting for you. 

“Shit, shit,” you muttered as you pulled Billy to the floor. “Hide underneath my bed, quick,” you ordered him as you jumped to your bed and tried to put your papers on the bed. 

Billy simply nodded as he laid down and rolled under your bed as you asked him to. By the time Craig opened the door, you’re sitting on your bed, re-reading one of your last drafts. 

“What are you doing?” Craig asked harshly as he curiously gazed at you and your room. 

He had been in a bad mood with you in the morning, especially when he noticed the pink slip on Emily’s backpack that mentioned that she’d been late one morning. He hadn’t been too kind to you after that but hadn’t done anything about it. 

“Practicing my speech for Friday,” you explained. 

The dullness in your voice made Billy frown as he waited patiently under the bed. He also realized that he didn’t particularly found pleasing Craig’s tone with you. Billy had never seen him and you hadn’t told Billy much about him, the only information he had was that you were somehow and for some reason scared of him, maybe he was strict. 

He hoped it was that. 

“Thought I heard you talking,” Craig muttered uninteresting as he eyed your room, he still had a glimpse of suspicion in his gaze but you refused to give in. 

“No, sir.”

He nodded curtly. “I’m going to sleep, is everything ready for tomorrow? I don’t want your sister being late again,” he stated through gritted teeth. 

You rolled your eyes at what’d happened. It wasn’t that you meant for it to happen, it slipped. “I told you that I had,” you began, annoyance dripping from your voice but then Craig’s voice ripped through your words. 

“Excuse me?” he roared as he watched you with flared nostrils. 

You held your breath for a moment, waiting for him to do something and praying that Billy wouldn’t pop out of your bed. Billy’s hands quickly turned to fists, holding them so hard that he was sure crescent moons would appear on his palms as soon as he let go. 

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” you muttered. 

Craig nodded. “Fucking hope so,” he said. “Good night,”

“Good night,” you replied. 

Billy waited until Craig’s footsteps sound far enough away before he climbed out of your bed as you slumped on your bed, covering your face with your hands. It hadn’t been enough for him to know about what had happened, your relationship with Craig, how he abused you, you had never shared so much. No one had been close enough to you for them to know anything about Craig, your ex had only found out because he’d been almost a witness to what had happened.

“I don’t like the way he talks to you,” Billy stated as he sat down on the bed next to you while his hand climbed to your leg up and down, caressing your skin. 

“Don’t pay attention to him,” you sighed as you uncovered your face and moved to the side so Billy could lie down next to you. Billy took his jacket off and laid down next to you. 

He turned to his side as his hand continued to caress your skin while his eyes burn the side of your head. He watched you so carefully that you were afraid that he might read you, that he might find out. 

“Has he ever done anything to you?” he asked. 

It was never too far from Billy’s realm of possibility, with his father he knew what might happen to anyone else. It still made him sick to think that someone could harm him. 

You shifted on your bed, quickly draping yourself onto his chest before you kissed his pec softly over his shirt. Billy’s lips quirked as you looked up at him through your lashes. Billy rolled his eyes, leaned over, and kissed your lips softly. He brushed his fingers over your hair, smoothing it back off of your face. He was waiting for an answer but by the way, you’re avoiding the topic, he believed that it wouldn’t be something to talk about today. 

“Come here,” you muttered before you climbed from his chest and pressed yourself to him, kissing him harder. 

Billy relaxed as you climbed over him. Your lips left his as you pressed open-mouthed kisses on his jaw and then on his throat, moving your mouth down to the curve of his shoulder and back up to his jaw. Billy grounded himself against you, his hands lifting up to your chest before going back to your hips, holding you down so you could feel how hard he was already. You whimpered. 

“Baby,” you breathed out. “If you don’t stop, I,”

You gasped as Billy’s hand slipped into your underwear, sliding his fingers along your folds. 

 “Sh darling,” he cooed. “You have to be very quiet,”

***

author's note: honestly, november has been a bit of a shitty month for me so sorry for the delay. I hope you're enjoying our section of 'fucking like rabbits and try to have a healthy relationship'. Let's see how long it lasts (it won't last too long sorry) . thank you as always for your support. you make me really really happy

***

taglist: @happypopcornprincess @hannahnikohl @thescarlettvvitch @nymphadora000 @phishyie @amethystx3 @jaziscool @vixionix @gloryekaterina @alicetweven @frogtits1 @meg11 @pillowjj @fan1237 @bucky-daddy-barnes @starloriha @make-me-imagine @piper570 @dedicated2viktor @zanmorgan @queenofshinigamis @literally-a-ferret @slutformaddyperez @milkiane @mysterygirl-14 @oli-leo-ska @tsukibaby1 @samwilsonlove @theshinyrock @belledawnidk @the-mysterious-miss-s @rio-mx@nobody-000 @rlvslouis @linkpk88 @daygirl26 @steveharringtonswifey09 @alwaysbeenfamous @kazbrekkersangel @ilovewomen711 @allazay101 @finelineskies @dacresgff @nymphadora000 @that-levi-kenma-kinnie @riffcrusader @useless-snail @patheticreative @emmettcullenswife @milenadixon @whiskeypowder @ponyboys-sunsets @yunho-leeknow @kaillou66 @randomeddieblog

[itsoneofthemuses]

Chenford + Lucy rejects Tim because she's afraid of her feelings for him

I won't lie, anon, this prompt was challenging because I don't feel this fits for Lucy (or, at least, my interpretation of her).  Having said that, I tried my best.  And when I was listening to Alicia Key's cover of ocean eyes (highly recommend), this is what popped into my head.

title: i’ve never fallen from quite this high, available on AO3 here (with proper formatting)

rating: gen, mildly angsty maybe

warnings: it mentions canon events, so if you’re up to date on S4, you’re fine

a/n: the title comes from the billie eillish song “ocean eyes” although I am only familiar with the Alicia Keys’ version.

The UC op is over within a few weeks, longer than expected, but not as long as it could've been and things go back to normal.  Or, as normal as they've been since Jackson died.

She's Tim's aide, she's dating Chris, and she's looking out for Tamara.  All is as it should be.  Until it's not.  She and Chris hit the six-month mark and it's her longest relationship since she was in grad school and she feels less for Chris, still, than she did for Bobby.  Bobby who she dated, she can admit now, because she was following the path of expectations laid down by her parents, by society.  She ends it with Chris because she took a leap once before, by applying for the academy,  and that worked out and, she thinks, she's not so scared of being alone, not anymore.

It's a guilty thought, that one, but it's true.  Tamara started college, Jackson died, and Lucy...  Lucy had felt a little unmoored as Tim moved up to sergeant, Nolan found happiness with Bailey, Nyla prepared for another baby, and Angela settled into being a detective and a mother while Lucy muddled through on her own.  Six months later and things are different.

Tim, on the other hand, keeps dating Ashley.  Lucy watches him, occasionally, feeling like she has more insight but less access to Tim's inner thoughts after the UC op draws to a close.  She watches him and it seems to her, from the outside looking in, like he's going through the motions with Ashley.  She briefly wonders if maybe he’s scared of being alone too, but it's Tim and she's a little scared to ask.  He and Ashley cancelled their Hawaii trip because of the op and it never got rescheduled, but their relationship endures.

***********

They nearly, nearly, hit the year mark, but it ends just before when Ashley abruptly dumps Tim.  The only reason, Lucy thinks, that she knows this is because Ashley does it in front of her.  She catches her eye briefly and Lucy is startled to realize that Ashley isn't surprised to see her.  No, she looks relieved and Lucy isn't really sure what to make of that.  It's not intentional, not on Lucy's part anyway, that she's here for this, but Ashley found Tim in the parking garage as they were walking out and Lucy hadn't thought to leave only because they'd been in the middle of a conversation.  Tim had been surprised to see Ashley and she had assumed he’d greet Ashley, they’d finish their conversation, and part ways.  She hadn't really expected to bear witness to their break up.

"I'm sorry, Tim, but...  I think we both held on longer than we really wanted to."  Ashley shakes her head, cutting off Tim's protests before he can get them out.  "We did, you know we did.  I just..."  She takes a deep breath and blows it out.  "I thought it would be easier, I've been practicing for weeks, but, it's still really hard."  Lucy sees Tim wince at that but he stays quiet now, as Ashley gathers her thoughts.  

"We both had to work so hard to stay together and, Tim, relationships take effort, I know that, but they shouldn't be this hard.  After that double date, I had my doubts, but it was so early, you know?  I feel like we both knew after that conversation about marriage but then there was that UC op...  Didn't you ever wonder why neither of us made a big deal about rescheduling our vacation?"  She shrugs, almost helplessly.  "It feels like we've been going through the motions for a long time, now, and I think...  I think that has to stop."  He nods, just once, and Ashley smiles, sadly as she hands over the bag she was carrying.  "I collected some things of yours I had borrowed and...  Anyway.  I have to go, dad's waiting.  I'm sorry, Tim, I really am.  Take care of yourself."  She nods at Lucy, too, and Lucy knows the message there is 'take care of him' because Ashley's washed her hands of the task.

Strike while the iron is hot.  Lucy knows she has a finite amount of time, a short window, before Tim starts to shut down and refuses to let her see his vulnerabilities so she hustles him into his car and informs him, very gently but also very clearly, that she is coming over.  She sits with him, that night, just for a while: makes him eat dinner, takes care of Kojo, and lets him talk or not as he wants.  Everyone has their own grieving process, their own break up ritual, but tonight, at least, Tim knows he’s not alone just because he’s once more flying solo.

 Lucy doesn’t realize it then, but that night, that’s when the shift starts.

***********

She and Tim, they’ve been through a lot together, and their relationship has held different labels while simultaneously defying definitions no matter how hard one of them has tried to force a specific shoe to fit.  And for the first time, the following things are all true at the same time: they are friends, they are both single, they are attracted to each other, and they are not grieving.

It’s heady until it’s scary.

Lucy can officially test out and after being a sergeant’s aide for a year, after two wildly successful UC ops, Lucy has options.  The problem is, UC doesn’t have the same appeal it once did.  She lost time with Jackson, time she’ll never get back, and she doesn’t want that to happen with Tamara, with Tim, with Nyla and Angela, and everyone else when she’s gone at a moment’s notice for weeks or months at a time.  Lucy loves her people fiercely and she knows they would thrive even if she wasn’t around, knows she’d be okay if she had to go it alone, but she doesn’t want to.  That is a sacrifice she no longer wants to make, not yet anyway.

What’s becoming more and more apparent is that detective seems like the best path to take and, more than that, it’s a viable path.  She has so much experience under her belt already, she is smart and diligent, and she has Angela and Harper pulling for her.  She’s met with Carradine once or twice, while assisting on investigations, and he’s raised a brow at her contributions.  Lucy thinks he’s been impressed.  

She talks about it, just once, with Tim and he’s gruff and grumpy and grumbly.  She lets him have his mutters and his scoffs because they’re not directed at her.  Instead, he scoffs at Carradine trying to steal her, he mutters about Vice asking after her repeatedly, and he even complains, under his breath, about Grey prodding him about Lucy’s next steps.  The end result is that in his own roundabout way, Tim encourages her to pursue detective.

“You serious about it?  You think that’s where you want to go?”  Lucy nods decisively.  She’s talked it out with Harper, with Lopez, checked in with Grey, and she’s sure.  Tim is her last stop.  He nods back.  “You’d be good at it.”  He eyes her intently, his gaze assessing, “You wouldn’t be able to ride with me anymore.”

“So?  You think you’re getting rid of me that easily after all that?”  She gestures widely as if to encompass all of their history.  “I don’t think so, Tim.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.  Okay, Chen.”  He nods again.  “Let’s make a plan.”

***********

He catches her later, after the end of shift, and they walk out together.

“You have some time next week, maybe grab a drink?”  His words surprise her a little and she meets his eyes with a smile, fully prepared to say yes when she realizes what she knows, now, Tim has already figured out: it’s been three months since the end of his relationship with Ashley, five since Lucy and Chris broke up, and they just spent all day making a plan for Lucy to enter the next phase of her career - one where Tim has no control, no real influence, at all.

The ephemeral possibility, the intangible hope of all of that actually meaning something, is suddenly all too real.

“I would love to, but you know, the new assignment was a little unexpected.  I already have to shift around some things with Tamara and Lopez booked me for babysitting duty.”  She gives a small smile because declining his invitation, no matter her reason, hurt.  “Rain cheque?”  He nods easily.

**********

Over the next three weeks, Lucy ducks, evades, declines, and ignores Tim’s invitations.  He doesn’t seem to notice anything amiss and Lucy knows that’s in part because he has no reason to think anything is off.  She responds to the group texts and she meets them for after-shift drinks when she can, she checks in about Kojo, and she’s at work same as usual.  Besides that, they’re both adults with responsibilities and lives so why would he think anything of it?  Lucy knows it can’t last but she’s not quite ready for everything “real” entails, not after what the last year has been, not when real has come to mean tragedy.

A week later and Lucy is canvassing for the detectives on a homicide when she sees something in the window of the second floor, in what looks like the attic.  She calls it in and when she hears breaking glass, but no response to her calls, she has probable cause and enters.  She follows protocol, she does everything right.  She leaves the one suspect handcuffed to the railing of the front porch but she’s surprised, as she heads up to the second story, by a second suspect who body checks her into the wall as he runs out of the house.  She would’ve gone after him, but there’s clearly someone crying in the room up the stairs, the smoke drifting out around the closed door, so Lucy makes the call to save a life instead.  

She does everything right, but she still ends up on a second story ledge, as a fire that’s raging behind her cuts off any other exits, except the one out the window.  The fire department is still a minute out and she doesn’t have that time.  She’s thankful, at least, that the victim she found has already safely found purchase on the open ground below.  She has Tim, though.  He’s there on site as patrol sergeant.

“C’mon, Chen!”  She stares at him, meets his eyes, those devastating ocean blue eyes, and Lucy can’t remember why she was ever scared.  “You have to jump, Lucy, I’ve got you.”

It’s two stories high and Tim is waiting for her.  She lowers herself down as far as she can, takes a deep breath, and lets herself fall.

Falling two stories doesn’t take long and Lucy lands as perfectly as she can - on the balls of her feet, on the grass, her police-issued boots absorb some of the impact, and then she’s stumbling into Tim’s arms.  A few tears escape as the adrenalin wears off and the scrapped raw sensation in her throat settles in, but her eyes don’t leave his.  Falling has never been easier.

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Spider Studded Reunion 💔 | T.M No Way Home Miniseries P.2

Contains major spoilers for Spider-Man NWH

My Marvel Masterlist | Read Part 1 here | Part 3 here | Part 4(final) here

Characters & Pairings: Tobey!Peter Parker x Black Cat!reader (past romance), Andrew!Peter Parker (platonic/flirtatious), Tom!Peter Parker (platonic), Otto Octavius, Norman Osborn, Max Dillion, Curt Connors, Flint Marko, May Parker MJ Watson, Ned Leeds, Doctor Strange.

Content warnings: angst, mentions of violence, blood, and fighting. Slight references to SA trauma. descriptions of character death. Profanity | Female reader (she/her) | roughly 4K words i would say (it’s pretty long).

Black Cat PS4 theme.

Premise: After the surprise return of the woman called Black Cat, six villains of Spider-Man from other worlds are together in one room. It’s quite a one in a million sight for everyone involved. For young Peter Parker, conflict ensues when its revealed at least four would die if they return home—which only causes him trouble with a certain Master of Mystic Arts.

Song that inspired the chapter: ‘Ocean Eyes’ by Billie Eillish & ‘Old Money,’ by Lana Del Rey

Note: this is NOT in association with my Tobey!Spiderman x black cat!reader series. This is separate in which Y/n and Peter did not have the life they did in my series & instead she stayed a villain of his becoming the sixth member of the NWH Sinister Six. I also use the whole ‘sinister’ line again from my one series, just cause i like it a lot and it fits here too

—————————

The words were still echoing in Y/ns ear, “Your neck was snapped and thrown off the building by Eddie as the symbiote”

It was like all emotion left her—leaving her as an empty void. There was not telling how one could react in that way after finding out they were killed protecting someone they had wanted to hurt. Y/n was angry with Peter. She wanted to hurt him which is why she agreed to help Eddie and Flint.

She’s the one who told Eddie where he’d find Mary Jane.

Now Flint was telling her at the last second she changed her mind. Going so far as to fight Eddie in the form of the symbiote to protect Peter. And the creature was strong—strong enough to overpower Y/n and kill her.

The last memory she could recall was leaving her home to go scout areas before meeting the two at the construction site. She had made past 2nd Avenue and was cutting through an alley when suddenly a weird sensation filled her. It lasted about ten seconds before Y/n looked around and gave a shrug—thinking she imagined it.

Then she saw a figure in a black suit and thought it was Eddie. What she didn’t expect was it to be Spider-Man—and not her Spider-man nonetheless. And Y/n thought back to the conversation she had with the young Peter. How he said it was the year 2023 and not 2007.

She was pulled into another universe the day she was supposed to die. That’s when the anxiety had started to kick in, but Y/n tried to keep it at bay. The last thing she needed was to have a panic attack in front of all these people—some old acquaintances and the rest strangers.

It was too much for Y/n to process. Not only was she dead in her world, but she was currently lost in another.

The young alternate version of Peter was looking at her with slight concern. He was not liking the feeling he got knowing three of the four from the same universe died—while fighting Spider-Man. Even though from what it sounds like the deaths were accidental and not planned on behalf of his alternate counterpart, it still happened with his involvement.

Otto was having enough of it. He still refused to believe he drowned with the machine, “Spider-Man was trying to stop my fusion reactor,” he insisted when the conversation of Y/n ended. “—so I stopped him. I had him—,” his hand makes a gripping motion, expression full of anger, “—by the throat. And then I—.”

The scientist had paused, words disappearing from his lips. The anger slowly left his face as the realization settled in. There wasn’t anything left to say because the next thing Otto knew was fighting the version of Peter in front of him. “And then I was here.”

“Oh please,” Max said in a condescending tone, making the attention turn to him. No one saw the anxious look Peter had. “Let me tell you something—I was whooping Spider-Man ass. He’ll tell you. And then he caused an overload,” Max made a gesture with his hands, “—I was stuck in the grid, absorbing data. I was about to turn into pure energy and then—,” suddenly he also was unable to recall what happened next.

His hands were waving, trying to find the right words. “And then uh—a-and—oh shit. I was about to die.”

“Max, do you know, do I die?” Connors asks from the side.

Now that made four of the six in the room dying in their world while fighting Spider-Man. It was safe to assume Flint survived considering he was from the same year of the current universe. But he had no idea if Connors perished because before Max could answer the question there was a sound followed by an orange glow in the corner of the room.

Ned and Mj had taken place behind Peter, all three looking to find Strange had appeared hovering off the ground in a cross legged position. Strange made eye contact with both Y/n and Norman in that moment. “Oh great you caught two more.”

Peter realized what he was about to do, shouting out, “No-no-no! Wait, Strange, they’re not—.” His pleads were ignored, Strange flicking his hands once and two orange rings enveloped the two and they were transported to the last two cubicles next to Max. Y/n gasped, pushing against the barrier while frantically looking around.

The anxiety and spider-senses Peter was feeling was making his heart race. “It’s okay—um,” he gulped, feeling swear pool at the crown of his hairline. He gave the two an apologetic look before looking at Strange, brows raising at the sight of a weird looking box. “What is that?”

It was cube-shaped with spirals around each side. It looked old and glowed the familiar orange glow of the Mystic Arts.

“It’s an ancient relic,” Strange explained before saying it’s complicated name, “I trapped your corrupted spell inside and once I finish the proper ritual, it will reverse the spell. And send these guys back to their universe.”

“And then what?” Octavius shouted, “we perish?” He had every right to be mad. After all, if he goes back to his universe he will die. Most of them will.

“Yeah no thanks—I pass on that,” Max rejected Strange.

Now Norman was becoming frightened, “Let me out of here! Peter?!” Peter heard the distress in Normans voice, the sound sending a chill up his spine. Peter had been all for sending them back home—letting their version of himself deal with them. But knowing he would be responsible for their death because he led them to it was not a feeling he wanted on his conscious.

Mays words from earlier had reappeared in his mind, ‘This is what we do, we help people.”

“Strange,” he shakes his head, “We can’t send them back—not yet.”

Now this was not what the sorcerer expected to here, “Why?” Peter thought it was obvious and looked around the room, his eyes falling to Y/ns shaken state last.

“Well some of these guys are gonna die.”

“Parker, it’s their fate.”

Peter was taken aback slightly, “C’mon, Strange, have a heart.”

But the sorcerer wasn’t having it. He knew what it meant keeping them in their universe and it would doom them all if they stayed. They were too dangerous and their deaths were supposed to happen if it was the case. “In the grand calculus of the multiverse, their sacrifice means infinitely more than their lives.”

Y/n did not like the sound of that, banging loudly on the barrier while cursing at the team. “That’s bullshit! Our lives are not some toy for you or whatever the hell you’re talking about, Harry Potter!” Had the situation not have been so serious, the teenagers in the room would’ve laughed at the nickname bestowed to Strange.

But this was no laughing matter.

She was met with no response, Strange keeping his attention on Peter—although the boy did glance at her briefly. Strange gave him a sympathetic look, “I’m sorry, kid. If they die, they die.”

Without another word, Strange focused on the relic. Both hands on either side while the curves on the spirals started to move. Peter glanced at his friends, not knowing what to do and they also appeared at a loss.

The spirals were enclosing, starting to cover the bright orange orb of the botched spell Strange had performed the prior day. The villains were becoming anxious—especially the ones who were aware of their impending demise. Y/n even had tears brimming in her eyes.

“Peter!!” Norman shouted again, looking out the barrier for the teen. Peter was running out of time. The relic was almost completed and Strange would waste no time sending them home.

He couldn’t let that happen.

When the cube was fully closed and Stranges hand hovered over a triangle shaped button, a web instinctively shot from Peter—closing around the side. Strange stilled before warned, “Don’t—!” The man was spun around when Peter flung the box to him and used the device on his arm to send Strange into the cubicle housing Flint.

Peter was frozen—not believing he actually did it until Ned and Mj were shouting at him. “Dude what are you doing!” “Go—go!” Mj was pulling him to her so he could make his escape. She then took a defensive stance like she was ready to fight Strange, but the man just sighed in disappointment.

“This is why I never had kids.”

Strange passed through the barrier easily. But when Flint tried he grunted by the impact—sand falling around him. The sorcerer was gone in a instant, causing everyone to fall into silence. The six were still contained—much to their displeasure with no way of knowing what they’d be met with when Peter and Strange returned.

It honestly shocked them all Peter had taken the relic. The boy was determined for them to do home when he had a change of heart. Now they had no idea if he would succeed in keeping them there.

“Where the hell did they go?” Y/n said after a minute, attention on the two teens. “And who are you two anyway?”

Neither of the teens expected to be put on the spot, both looking at each other who should speak first. Eventually Ned stepped forward after seeing Y/ns tilt her head like she was becoming impatient. “I’m Ned. Ned Leeds and Peters best friend,” he lifts his hand to the girl beside him. “This is Mj, his girlfriend.”

Y/n wan’t expecting that—but then again she never though she’d meet another Peter Parker in her life. “You’re Mj,” the tone in her voice shifted a bit, looking the girl up and down. Mj had mixed feelings by the reaction, raising her brow suspiciously at the older woman.

“I take it you know an Mj or something?”

Y/n gives a unimpressed scoff, “You could say that. She and I aren’t exactly what you would call ‘besties.’ In fact she and I would rather tear off each other’s face than have a civilized conversation. Girl doesn’t learn that when you mess with the cat,” she lifts a gloved hand and with a flick sharp points extract, “You get the claws.”

Max whistles under his breath, “Damn.”

Y/n sends him a wink, before turning back to the stunned teenagers, “Honestly I’m surprised you’re the Mj of this universe. I’m so used to hearing her scream at everything I would’ve never have guessed you’d be her alternate version.” Mj didn’t know how to react to that. It was somewhat like a backhanded complement.

“Don’t worry thought, kid,” Y/n then says, eyes full of mischief, “I won’t discriminate. I don’t know you so I have no reason to hate you—I just hate your counterpart.”

“Good to know,” there was a nervous laugh from Mj before she looked at Ned for help.

Before anyone could say anything else, a familiar orange glow swarmed in the middle of the room. All eyes went to it when they heard a voice say, “I’m sorry, sir, but—,” then Peters masked figure was tumbling out of the portal before looking back, “—I have to try.” The glowing circle closed, making who they assumed was Strange on the other side stranded God knows where.

“Dude what happened?” Ned ran up to him, Mj following. Peter proceeds to ramble about how he fought Doctor Strange, trapped him in the mirror dimension and stole his sling ring. Ned takes the ring and put it on his fingers.

“You could’ve left us here to die? But you didn’t. Why?” Otto asks in somewhat disbelief.

“Because that’s not who he is,” Mj defends, and Y/n felt a smirk curl on her lips. The girl was right, and it wasn’t just her version of Peter who was like that.

The next step was to figure out what they would do. Peter now had six multiversal beings as his responsibility and hoped he could fix them before Strange figured out how to get back. They didn’t have much time, and really Peter was looking to get things done as soon as possible.

Y/n gave a little scoff, “You think you could really change our fate, little spider? Personally I don’t think you fixing my little bad luck problem will do me much good in my situation.” She felt a little bad by being harsh when she saw his shoulders deflate, but Y/n was always blunt when it came to telling things the way they are.

Of course there would need to be convincing. Norman was fully on board when Peter talked about how their world had advanced technology saying, “I can help you. You know, I’m something of a scientist myself.”

Y/n rolls her eyes when she hears that, “I’ve heard that one before.”

Otto was one to oppose the idea—claiming he didn’t need fixing like a dog. Connors warned Peter, saying there may be consequences with that he’s doing. Peter only responded by saying he was willing to take those chances.

A giggle from Y/n has everyone fall silent. It was a manic laugh, the woman leaning her head back against the wall of the cubicle. They all kinda just stood frozen. Unsure of how to react to her constant laughter.

Max is the one to say something, “I’m sorry, what exactly is so funny Miss Kitty?”

Y/n gives another laugh, before biting him lip. “I was just thinking, about how funny this kinda is.” She lets her head fall to the side so she was facing them all. “I mean, c’mon. Six of Spider-Mans villains all in one place? Sounds a little sinister to me.”

Peter called May and soon she was pulling up to the Sanctum driving the F.E.A.S.T truck. They piled the villains in—them having to squeeze together in the tight space—before heading to the only place they had the tech they needed. Happys apartment.

Unlocking the door, Peter pushes it open to allow them into the apartment. Normas first, followed by Otto, Y/n, Max, and Flint. “Wheres’s Connors?’ He asked May when he saw no sign of the large lizard man.

“He told me he wants to stay in the truck.”

“Okay.” Peter closes the door just as the robotic voice announces, ‘alarm system deactivated,’ and locks it up. They stand in the entrance of the place, watching the six get comfortable as they can. “Hey, May?”

“Yeah?”

“I feel kinda bad using Happys place like this.”

May gives a shrug, “He-He’ll get over it.” In the living area, Max waves a hand which turns the tv on and Flint takes on a seat on the couch. Still in his sand form, all it does is make grains fall off his limps and onto the cushions.

“Oh sorry,” he apologizes, sweeping it off so it lands on the floor. In the corner leaning against the wall, Y/n laughs at the sight—finding the whole thing amusing.

“So this is your plan, Peter?” Otto is unimpressed—also because he was still tangled up in his mechanical arms under the nanotechnology. “No lab, no facilities—just performing miracles in a condominium hmm? What you’re gonna cook us some cures and some frozen burritos in a microwave?”

“I could go for a burrito?” Norman interrupted, looking away from Dum-E that he was inspecting. Y/n just rolled her eyes at the older man, turning her head to see out the window. She was still not sure how she felt about everything, but the Black Cat was just glad Norman was in his right mind at the moment.

She did not want to think about if the Goblin came out.

Otto was also not humored by the scientist, “he’s gonna kill us all.”

“Well let’s hope not,” Peter steps away from May, giving her a nervous look before patting Otto on the shoulder, “You’re up first, doc.”

“What?” The man said surprised, “Hey I told you I don’t need fixing.” The teenager opened the door to the back room containing the Stark tech Happy had placed back there. He uncovered the container with the arc reactor all while Otto continued to voice his objections. “I don’t need fixing! Especially by a teenager using scraps from a bachelors junk drawer.”

Max, sensing something within the walls of the room, starts to approach the door, “No, no no,” he says to Otto, making the doctor turn to him. “He’s got something back there. I can feel it—like weird energy.” At the sound of this, Y/n pushes off the wall and follows after Max—wanting to see what he was talking about.

The mat covering the compartment was pulled away, revealing a emblem reading, ‘Stark Cases.’ “What the hell is that?” Norman asks just ask the two along with May enter the tiny room.

“It’s a fabricator,” the vigilante explained as he pressed buttons to open the box, “It can analyze, design, construct basically anything.”

May was a little taken aback at the very large contraption emerging. “I thought that was the tanning bed Happy broke.” A small giggle fell from Y/ns lips, the woman bringing her hand up to cover her mouth.

“Look at that,” her eyes went to Max at his voice, seeing his attention on a circular glowing object in the fabricator. She noticed his eyes flash a brilliant yellow, and suddenly there was a chill in her spine. He looked very intrigued by it.

That couldn’t be good.

They all jumped back a bit when the fabricator fully extended into the wall behind it. Cracks formed and it was sure sign the machine penetrated the dry wall into the kitchen.

The suspicion was confirmed by Ottos defeated tone, “He’s gonna kill us all.”

Minutes turned into hours with Peter and Norman getting to work. They were in the back room while remaining four stayed in the living area with May. Y/n paced around occasionally, even going on the balcony to look out to the city. At one point she heard May in the kitchen and turned her head to see the older woman walking up to Otto.

May tapped on the mans shoulder, making him blink out of his thoughts. “Thirsty?” She lifted her glass containing water with a smile, before pointing to sink with the water filter.

Relaxing the defensive stance he had, turning his body fully to face her. “Well yes, I am thirsty.” It had been awhile they were there and Otto was still tangled in arms unable to really move.

“Fresh water or salt?��

The question was enough to have Y/n nearly rolling—immediately getting the jab May was doing. Otto didn’t understand and just looked at the woman perplexed. May continued, “You know, because you’re an octopus.”

Otto thought May had lost her mind, “W-what?”

It took May a moment to react, but she just gave a nervous smile. “Fresh water it is.” Another giggle left Y/n, the antihero shaking her head by what she had witnessed. She was now on the couch—which was now free of sand, and drew her attention to Max when he started to speak.

“Look at this place,” he was peering out the blinds. It was now dark outside compared to the daylight they had when they arrived. Y/n didn’t know how much longer it would take before they could go home, and if she was being truthful she wasn’t really sure if she was ready to.

What difference would it make if she went home? She doubted Peter could create a cure for the bad luck she does to others. And even if he did it wouldn’t be enough to clean her slate. The only thing giving Y/n hope was she knew from Flint about her change of heart. And judging from what he said earlier, Peter was heartbroken by her death.

Maybe something could change after all.

“And all the possibilities.” Max’s words pulled her from the battle happening in her head.

“What?” Flint asked, looking away from the picture in his hand. “This condo?”

“Yeah—yeah the condo. I love the whole open floor plan—nah,” Max gives Flint a ‘are you serious look’ making the sandman put down the picture. “Nah man, I’m talking about the world. Kinda like who I am here,” he strokes the side of his face smiling. Max then turns serious when he glances at the back room across the apartment, “And all that power back there, I could be so much more.”

There’s a silent moment before Max looks back at Flint, “so why’d you come along?”

“I have a daughter, and I want to see her. But he’s not gonna send anyone home until he’s finished his little science project back there.”

“If any version of Peter has one thing in common,” Y/n says suddenly, making them turn their heads to her, “it’s they’re incredibly smart. I figure it won’t take him long.”

“You trust him?” Max asks the two, not looking convinced.

Y/n stays silent on the question while Flint crosses his arms, “I don’t trust anyone. How’d you end up like that anyway?”

“Oh,” there was a flicker of emotion from Max. The memory replayed in his head as he recalled, “The place where I worked at, they were experimenting with electricity created by living organisms. And then uh—I feel into a veil of electric eels.”

“You’re kidding,” Flint says surprised, “I feel into a supercollider.”

“Damn,” Max shakes his head at the confession, “gotta be careful where you fall.” His eyes draw to Y/n, “What about you Miss. Kitty? Fall anywhere that gave you your bad luck charm?”

The chuckle she gave was low and hostile, her eyes closing briefly before she finally spoke. “No, no I didn’t fall anywhere like you boys did. Nah I got into some trouble with a pretty ruthless crime boss. Owed him some debt and he had me do a few tests on something he was cooking up,” they couldn’t see it, but her fist had clenched against the cushion. “Next thing I know anytime I was under stress weird things happened to people around me.”

“That’s crazy.”

The woman gives a shrug, “Came in handy from time to time.” There was a smirk on Y/ns face as she thought back to the early days of when she first got the bad luck effect. It was right before she met Spider-Man and at her prime when it came to breaking and entering. It was shortly later the Black Cat became aquatinted with the spider of New York.

Then life seemed to change after that.

The mood shifts for Y/n and she stands from the couch back to the balcony. There was a cool breeze, the wind blowing through her white hair and Y/n let her eyes close as the sadness filled her once more.

She really did love her Peter—so much it hurt. There was just so much going on between them that when things were left they were she let the anger cloud over. It’s why she agreed to help Eddie and Flint. The pain and hurt she was feeling was something she wanted Peter to have.

Regret was the only thing she could feel now. That and shame.

What the hell was she thinking? Maybe it was the fact Y/n knew what her fate was that brought this sudden change of heart. But Y/n ended up having one anyway at the last second. The only difference now was the circumstances.

The question Y/n couldn’t help but wonder about what if she would return home at the exact moment she was pulled. If that was the case then she would stay as far away from the construction sight. Y/n wouldn’t go help and bail on Eddie—then he couldn’t kill her. It was unsure if Eddie would be the type to track her down, but to take precautions Y/n would get the hell our of New York the second she stepped foot in her world.

Maybe that would truly change the outcome of it all.

Her inner battle was again interrupted when feeling of someone behind her was felt, and Y/n spun quickly to see May was standing with two mugs in her hands. The sudden turn from the woman had May flinch, “Sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Y/ns eyes followed May as she came to stand beside her. One of the hands holding a mug was extended out to her, “Thought you could use a cup of coffee,” Mays smile was warm and inviting—as it always was from what Y/n had remembered. “You looked a little lonely—hope you don’t mind me joining you for bit. All those guys, you know.” Y/n laughed softly when May made a face, gesturing to the apartment full of men.

“Thank you,” She took the mug from May with a smile, “You’re very kind. Then again I’m not surprised every version of you is.” May raised her brow at Y/ns words.

“I take it you’re close with your Peter? Or was—,” she corrects when Y/ns smile falls, replaced with a frown. “My Peter in there mentioned you this morning. Kind of implied—.”

“It’s complicated,” Y/n tightens her mouth. “We’ve—we were close, closer than friends from what you can assume.” May nodded, eyes a little sympathetic while Y/n continued. “It was on and off. I-I—,” She pauses, biting her lip as she looks away, “I’ve had a rough life—and there were things that happened which led me to do the things I do.”

“What happened?” May asked softly, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

Y/n takes a sip of the coffee, contemplating whether or not to answer before eventually sighing. “My mom wasn’t really in the picture and my dad..my dad was a cat-bulgur—a good one at that before he got caught. He went to prison and I was left on my own. I did good for myself, but then I got involved with this guy in college,” Y/n let her free hand clench around the balcony railing—something May took notice in. “Thought I’d finally get happiness—it was what I’ve always wanted. But I was young, naive, and didn’t think he’d do what he did. Tried to fight him but.....” she pauses, stopping herself when she saw the look from May. “What he did to me made me not wanna be a victim so I swore revenge. I trained and I trained for months to kill him, but the bastard went and got himself killed in a car accident.

“I was angry as you could’ve guessed, but I wasn’t going to let the new skills I taught myself go to waste so I followed in my fathers footsteps. Breaking and entering came naturally. I was able to provide for myself—even though it wasn’t mine. That’s how I got under Spider-Man’s radar,’ Y/n chuckled, bringing the mug up to take another sip. “I didn’t know Peter at the time—even though I was friends with his best friend, Normans son, Harry. I only knew him as Spider-Man in the beginning. Then he exposed his identity when things got serious between our alter egos and well, Peter was a charmer and I swapped sides for a time. Our relationship is—or was very complicated.”

Y/n paused again, looking away from May to glance at the city that was now full of light in the night sky. “I guess looking back, I realize it looks more like I loved Spider-man more so than Peter Parker. I met him as Spider-Man, so when he revealed his identity to me and how he loved his civilian life more, something shifted. I wasn’t ready to give up the thrill and excitement having an alter ego gave me and we both wanted different things. We’d take breaks, some longer than others and it didn’t help that Mary Jane was always in the background. This last break up—,” her voice wavers slightly, “I-It was the worse yet.”

Y/n then goes quiet and May could see moisture pooling in the corners of her eyes. The older woman placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, noticing how she flinched slightly but then relaxed. “I said things, Peter said things. I-I threw stuff at him and he kicked me out. We were both angry—I w-won’t get into detail on what happened, but I knew that was it for us. There was no going back.” Y/n bit her lip, letting her one hand fall to her side as she gave a sound of defeat.

“N-now I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do when I get home,” she sniffed, “If I were there right now I wouldn’t be alive to see the sun rise. I’d already be d-dead by now.” Y/n turned away, wiping the tear that had fallen away. She didn’t want to let her emotions out in front of May. The feelings were becoming overwhelming, but Y/n was determined to keep them at bay.

She couldn’t let it get to her right now.

May gently gave Y/n shoulder a rub, face filled with sympathy. The woman didn’t say anything during the entire time Y/n spoke. Part of May didn’t know what to say, but also she felt Y/n needed to get whatever was off her chest.

“There is one thing you can do,” May eventually said with a soft tone. Y/n lifted her head to her, waiting for her to continue. “Now that you know what lies ahead for you, it’s up to you to change it. You can either take the first step into making amends with your Peter—or you can continue to hold whatever grudges you have. It’s the decisions we make that determine our future.”

Y/n couldn’t help but scoff at the last statement, “I don’t know about that. The wizard was adamant about time and date. Who’s to say I still don’t die the moment I return home. Or that Peter will even listen to me if I see him.”

“Maybe it does,” May shrugs before adding, “But maybe it doesn’t. You weren’t suppose to end up here but look what happened. Are you going to let this opportunity to fix things go to waste?”

Mays words sunk into Y/n. It was enough to make her silent to allow her mind to wonder about the possibilities that could lie ahead. There really was an opportunity here for Y/n. It was now her choice on if she would take it.

With one last comforting pat to the woman, May went back inside the apartment. Y/n finished the coffee in her mug before following May, placing the mug in the sink just as young Peter had skidded into the hallway.

He was practically bouncing on his feet, “I got it! I did it—I did it, uh can you send him up?”

“Yeah, here we go,” May pressed the button on the nanotech projection on the table. The mechanical arms untangled around Otto and started to lift him off the ground while Peter raced up the stairs in a hurry. “Sorry, hold on, doc!”

“Aw will these humiliations never seize?!” the scientist complained as he was lifted against his will. “You! Keep your science fair project away from me!” Peter was fumbling with the color of Ottos clothing, trying to locate the top of the spinal contraption.

Everyone had gathered in the hall of the apartment, watching the scene unfold. “Hey it will work. Have faith,” Norman said to Otto which only made him angrier.

“Says the reckless fool who turned himself into a monster.”

Norman looked offended by the insult and Y/n scoffed, “You’re one to talk, Octopus.”

“Please stop,” Peter pleaded, “Hold still.”

“Don’t you dare!” Otto continued to move, making it difficult for Peter to replace the fried chip with the new one. Everyone held their breath, waiting to see if the kid had really been able to do it. “I swear—,” Otto hissed, “when I get out of this we’re gonna rip you in—.” The mans words were cut off when he suddenly went unconscious.

The A.I itself seemed to go offline, and Ottos body had dropped an inch. Peter stepped away, both in shock and slight panic at the lifeless scientist. “Doc?”

The apartment was so quiet his voice echoed. Y/n brought a hand to her mouth, eyes going wide as dread filled at the thought the boy had maybe actually killed Otto. The other villains in the room didn’t look to hopeful either.

“Doc?” Peter looked scared. He was sure he fixed what was needed to give Otto control over the A.I, but his heart was racing to the point he could feel it wanting to burst through his chest. “Doc?” He said again with no answer. “Doctor Octavius—.” Peter jumped back with Otto gasped, his head lifting and breath fawning at a rapid pace.

There was a instant change, Y/n could see it behind in his eyes behind the glasses. “It’s so quiet,” he whispered in awe, “those voices, inside my head—I had almost forgotten.”

“Otto,” Norman felt a smile form on his lips. He wasn’t the only one, Y/n looked happy seeing the scientist free from the chaos in his mind. And she was happy Peter was successful.

“Yes, Norman.” Ottos face was relaxed and happy, May hitting the button to let him down and he soon felt his feet touch the ground. There were no voices in his head. Nothing telling him what he had to do. It was finally quiet and it gave him peace. “It’s me.”

Peter jumped off the second story, landing in front of Otto with a beaming grin. He did it. He really did it.

“Would you look at that,” Flint commented from the side.

Y/n also gave word of approval, ‘Well done, little spider.”

Peter gave her a look of thanks, taking his finger to disconnect the wireless Bluetooth of the arms. One of the arms reached out to Peter, pressing into his chest to allow the nanotechnology to pass back to him. The suit that took over was different from the iron spider. It was more of a hybrid with his Stark suit and had a large gold spider in the center.

Everyone looked at the two, stunned at how Otto had a complete shift in personality. Although the one who knew him before, Norman, wasn’t surprised. Otto was always a kind man when they worked together, and of course Norman didn’t know what happened to him to cause this change.

“I’m grateful, dear boy. Truly,” Otto extends his hand for Peter.

The two shake hands, Peter smiling at the doctor, “Yeah, you’re welcome.”

“How can I help?”

One down, five to go.