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perpetuelledaydreaming · 2 years ago

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18| chapter twenty-four

listen to: Take me to church - Hozier | From Eden - Hozier | Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls (playlist here)

Please go look at the playlist, I revamped it all so you can read the chapters with the new songs and also maybe give your guesses of what's coming next given the songs?

word count: 2.4k

warnings: domestic violence. hurt.

series masterlist + read the next chapter early on my ko-fi!!

Billy Hargrove had always known that love wasn’t for him.

And then you came along.

How you’d managed to rotate the axis of his world? He had no idea. But for the first time in his entire life, the perception of love wasn’t tainted, it wasn’t associated with damage, scream, and people leaving him behind. Instead, love now meant your kisses, your laughter, your smile.

After leaving you home from the game, Billy didn’t go to the party. Instead, he drove home straight away, putting himself to use. He quickly took out a cassette and began to make you a mixtape. It wasn’t anything fancy, but he knew he wanted to give it to you first thing in the morning before finally being able to kiss you in front of everyone at school.

Billy Hargrove wasn’t hollow and broken no more.

At least, until he reached your locker the following day. His tongue edged out to wet his lips as he walked to your locker, cassette in hand and even a small bouquet he managed to get. He tried to compose himself, his heart was thudding a hundred miles per minute as he tried to think what he would say next, how you would react to him.

But as he reached your locker, to see it empty his entire demeanor dropped. He frowned slightly, you could be a little late but you usually aren’t, not even when you were fighting you seemed like you couldn’t distract yourself from classes, you needed to maintain your GPA. Something’s wrong, he can feel it in his bones.

Billy walked out of the school as fast as he possibly could, his eyes scanning the hallways and soon the classes trying to locate you. There isn’t any sign of you. His heart thuds a beat harder with each classroom that you aren’t in he checked as he returned to school, and soon he finds himself in the parking lot.

Your bike is not there and the bell is already ringing on the back. Billy stayed still for a few seconds, his mind going miles per hour as he guessed what reason you had to not come to school. Had you regretted what happened the night before? No, you couldn’t. You were so happy with him, he knew that you were, and he could feel it. Had you become sick all of the sudden? No, he would’ve seen it in your face yesterday, you were anything but sick. Had your stepfather made you go back to Chicago? That was a long shot.

The parking lot was already empty by the time Billy decided that he would go to your place. The place looked the same as it did yesterday but as Billy arrived, he could see a brown jeep getting out of your place. He frowned slightly, he recalled that you’d told him that your step-father would be out of town.

Billy began to feel sick.

He parked a few meters away from your house, something in his gut telling him to do it. Billy’s mind often went to a dark place some days, each time he saw a boy with a bruise, and a girl crying in the counselor's office. He often wondered if they’d found themselves in the same position he was in.

He wished so badly he was wrong.

The door to your place opened after a few knocks. Emily opened the door, her eyes widened at the sight of Billy and closed the door a little as she realized who she had stood in front of the door.

“Hey,” he said. Billy had spent days with you and her in the house, she was a little meek but as Billy took her in right now, he could see in her eyes the way she was somehow standing up for him. “Emily,”

“Billy,” she answered back, closing the door a little bit more.

Billy’s eyes furrowed slightly as he leaned against the frame of the door, trying to seem aloof. “I was wondering if your sister was okay?”

Her eyes widened slightly. “Yeah, uhm, yeah,” she said as she looked down for a moment and then back at him. “She’s okay. She got a little sick and she decided to skip school,”

“She’s alright?”

She nodded. “She’ll be okay in no time. She’ll call you later,” Emily answered as she started to close the door.

Billy’s hand flew to the edge of the door, stopping her. Emily frowned immediately, she seemed meek and small but her eyes were daggers as she glared at Billy. “Wait, I can’t see her?”

“No, she’s,” Emily hesitated as she looked back for a moment. Billy frowned. “asleep,”

It only made him more uneasy, the way she was avoiding looking him in the eye, the way she looked back.

“And you’re skipping school so you can take care of her?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged.

Billy took a deep breath. If you allowed your sister to skip school, Billy knew that you weren’t okay. All the times you’d talked about how much your sister meant to you, how important it was for you to allow her to have the best childhood so she wouldn’t turn like you. He gazed at the little girl in front of him and closed his eyes for a second.

“Emily, I’m going to see your sister today,” Billy said calmly. “I can do it climbing through the window or through this door. You can decide,”

Emily’s eyes widened slightly but she quickly glared at him, straightened up, and was ready to fight Billy if she needed to. She was very protective, you’d always known that, as much as you took care of her, she also took care of you. You’d been listening to the conversation, hoping a call later that day would explain you’d the flu or something so Billy couldn’t come near you.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to see him. You just didn’t want him to see you like that, and yet he’d come to your place, skipping school together just for you.

You sighed.

“Emily,” you called for her from your room. Billy’s and Emily’s heads snapped towards the second floor of the house, Billy felt a little bit easier, hearing you. “You can let him in,”

Emily bit her inner cheek as she glanced at Billy, who was still anxiously looking up the stairs. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” you breathed out.

Emily didn’t have to be told twice. She opened the door for Billy who immediately bolted to your room, his heart thudding in his chest harder in a matter of seconds. Something tugging at his chest as he climbed the stairs and then reached your room. He stops suddenly, before he even touches the door handle, taking a deep breath he prepared for the worst-case scenario.

It was even worse when he opened the door.

You sat uncomfortably on your bed, a little light-headed, still feeling hazy from the lack of sleep you’d had. Although Emily had insisted you had to shower around two a.m. and the blood from your body had been clean, the scrapes on your face and torso had become irritated by the shower, causing you to wince each time you tried to accommodate yourself between the pillows. You wanted to say it was new, that the busted lip, the cut over your cheekbone, the swollen eye, the bruises on your neck, the scrapes and bruises that littered your body; all new.

It wasn’t.

You knew that each time it happened, you’d take a day off or two, just to make sure no one saw the bruises, not even teachers so Craig wouldn’t become liable for anything. Emily could skip school only if the injuries inflicted on your body had become so bad that you would have to rest a day. Craig wouldn’t talk to you until the bruises hadn’t faded just enough for him to look at you again unless you made something to make him mad again.

You had the routine down and yet there was a new factor in your life: Billy Hargrove.

The same Billy Hargrove that opened the door softly, the same one that just realized that he blocked out every beating that Neil gave him. That he had managed to survive by forgetting the traumatic beatings he received but that it was all a lie because as his eyes examined your body under that flimsy oversize shirt and your face, he could feel every single second in his bones as he watched you.

He was scared, you could see it in his eyes. He didn’t seem like he wanted to walk near you at first. As if he was too worried he might break you. He took a deep breath before walking slowly towards you, he sat on the edge of the bed slowly, and with shaky hands his fingerpads trailed your skin, stopping methodically at each and every one of the visible bruises that you had on your skin. His eyes watered before he even knew it as he touched you lightly, to finish in your face, trailing your lips and the cut above your cheek.

You waited for him to scream at you about what had happened if you had fallen from the bike. You had the story ready for him and yet you could see it in his eyes, there was something there that you couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“I’m going to kill him,” Billy whispered as he gazed at you and then stood from the bed without a second thought.

Your hands moved to catch him as fast as you possibly could, even through the pain, you managed to get a hold of his wrist, stopping him dead in his tracks.

“Billy, stop, stop,” you pleaded.

Billy glances back at you, the rage in his chest growing faster by the second. He knew what it meant to love someone that was treated this way, the frustration, the pain in his chest, the helplessness when his father close the door of their room so he could hit her without Billy interrupting. He was older now, he could defend you, he would kill him if he needed to, he just wanted to stop your suffering. He didn’t know how you hid it so well from him, it dawned on him at that moment where your scars came from, those he had learned by heart when you were naked for him, those he had kissed softly. He knew he surprised you, knowing immediately what had happened. It doesn’t make him feel any better, he should’ve known. He can’t stop his eyes from streaming as he realized that he should’ve protected you since the day he met you.

“I’ll be back,” he affirmed once more, moving as delicately as he could so he could lose your hold. You move in a hurry, without thinking as he reached the door and opened it.

“Billy, I- ow!” you screamed, you don’t feel the sharp pain until you stood up, quickly bending as you hold your torso with both of your hands.

Billy turned around, quickly scooping you in his arms. “Are you okay?” he asked as he holds you in his arms, your eyes are still closed as you try to keep the pain at bay while he lays you again. “Are you okay?” he repeated.

You nodded softly, he could tell that you were lying. He quickly climbed to the bed without a second thought, pulling you towards him. He doesn’t really know if it’s going to make it better but he recalled that his mother simply liked him to be there after it happened.

When you opened your eyes, tears threatening to spill, you realize that Billy’s still crying as he looked at you, concern creasing his features still.

“You’re so strong,” Billy whispered. “I, I want to take you to a doctor,” he insisted.

You shake your head as you pull him closer to you. “I just want you to be here,” you said softly, your head tilting up and your eyes meet properly to those ocean-blue eyes. Both of you crying as you gazed back at the other, you press your lips against his gently. “Can you stay with me?”

Billy lets his forehead rest against yours, a shaky breath leaving his body.

“Always,”

***

author's note: love you love you all that keep reading.

***

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