#and we don't even know why.
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Netflix cancelled Shadow and Bone and told us we'd never get a Six Of Crows Spin-Off, it's been two days and I still cannot believe it. I sobbed, got angry, tried repressing emotions, I honestly don't know how to get through this.
I am losing all my favourite characters and ships at once.
And for what.
We fought and trended so many times on twitter, we were #1 on the platform for like a week in many countries, what else do you want Netflix ? If this wasn't enough, then what would be ?
A great show like this, with good representation for poc, disabled people and LGBTQ+.
Those stories has helped me go through so much trauma that I cannot even begin to explain it. It has been what kept me alive for years, now. And to see them rip it off so emotionlessly makes me mad as much as it breaks my heart.
They don't even have the decency to contact the actors and writers, they all learned it through socials. This is how Netflix treats their employees and subscribers. So disgusting.
But again, we've been there again and again, I was there for Anne With An E, I was there for The Society, for Julie And The Phantoms, First Kill, Winx Fate, Lockwood & Co, Warrior Nun, only one of those fight lead to something. And I am tired.
#wyd ? i am building a bomb to throw in their headquarters.#i have learned through Leigh Bardugo's voice messages on her canal and hearing her voice crack like that crushed my heart.#the fact that the spin off was WRITTEN it was entirely written it was already there just waiting for a greenlight we never got to have#and we don't even know why.#those books relived a part of me it brought me back to life and I own it all to so many characters and actors there. and it's gone now ??#we really did everything we could. I was on the front line every day showing them how much we cared but they didn't.#shadow and bone#six of crows#six of crows spin off#save shadow and bone#anti netflix#grishaverse
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
#warm up#writeblr#this one has bothered me for a bit#any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime#hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying#as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing#like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts#why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge#''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it#ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace#if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible#ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing#the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....
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I wish we could have met in some other way.
Lawlight Week Day 2: Soulmates
If you saw me repost and re-edit this several times uh No you didn't </3
Still frames/Individual gifs:
If you know what every frame is from you get a free cookie. by the way
#death note#dn#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#oh god here we go#death note jdrama#death note 2015#death note 2006#death note musical#lctw#l change the world#dntm#lawlightweek2024#my art#collapses i am NEVER putting this much effort in one piece ever again /hj this was the Only one i had mostly prepared in advance#ironically the most painstaking part about making this entire thing was converting the images into an animated file#that wasn't either horrifically compressed or just. wouldn't loop. why do gifs have to look so BAD it's so inconvenient#and THEN i realized I had to forcibly Stitch the two animations together so they would actually be synced and it wouldn't look dumb#and the end result is STILL so compressed. because Tumblr. uhhh just don't click on it it'll look so scuffed LOL. anyways#this is what i get for watching Every Adaptation of Death Note. i am a death note multiverse truther#usually i'd have something clever to say in the tags but. this drained the life out of me just uh.#yeah. they're doomed in every universe. this is the only way they could've met. they are doomed by their own natures and the#circumstances that surround them. there is no universe where light tries to prevent L's death. and even in the cases where L Doesn't die#there is no universe where L can save light. there is no universe where he can truly “catch” Kira and make him see where he went wrong#(<- if you read LCTW you know. :) )#in every universe and adaptation L will call Light his first friend. in some universes they'll take that notion more seriously than others#no matter what one of them will die due to the other. its the only constant. it's the only way it can ever be. they are the others downfall
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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once again i ask of you to please stop looking towards celebrities and influencers for political commentary and their takes on catastrophic and inhumane world events and to instead focus your attention on experts, journalists and world leaders
#sjonnie.text#world events#text post#9/10 of them don't even know how to cut a tomato. why are we expecting them to know (or care enough) about anything#it's frustrating and annoying#and please stop sending death threats#it's not helpful in ANY situation and it makes the person you say this too a lot less inclined to learn ANYTHING
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Wes ruins everything
Wes had finally done it, he had finally realized why nobody ever belived him about Fenton and Phantom! It made so much sense now, he had been looking for an answer for years, thinking he was going crazy because everybody refused to see the Obvious!
He was Cursed!
He literally had an Ancestoral Curse on his Bloodline that made it so that all those born with the gift of Prophecy would be ignored! A Gift of Prophecy that he apparently had.
It was Cassandra's Curse, the one from Greek Myths. Apparently she was his Great×1000 Grandmother and passed down the Gift (and Curse) of Prophecy to him. And he knew how to break it!
All he needed to do was gather the right resources, chant the correct incantations, make sure not to accidentally summon a Demon in the process, and he could just foist the Curse onto some other poor schmuck. Sure it would suck for them, and he would loose his Gift of Prophecy, but Wes had been ignored for Years at this point, he needed validation!
So he did the Ritual, and he didn't mess it up, and he managed to get rid of the Curse.
Now all he had to do was convince everybody that he was right for the first time in his life! This was going to be great!
...
Cass didn't know what was going on.
A while ago, she had started getting these...gut feelings that she couldn't explain.
She would look over the details of a Case her Family was working on, and see a patern that the others were seemingly ignoring. Like when she realized that The Penguin was about to raid the Docks on the East Side, but the others were convinced it was going to be on the West.
But when she had tried to tell them, they had brushed her off. "We've already concluded that he will begin the Raid on the West side, no need to go to the East."
She had gone anyways, and low and behold she had been right. But nobody even acknowledged that she had been right at all, they had just wondered how they had missed the signs, not even questioning how she had known.
It wasn't limited to Cases either. Even small things, like telling her brother's where the TV remote was were brushed off, and hours later they would still be looking, never even having checked where she told them.
It seemed that no matter what, nobody cared about her point of view anymore. They kept brushing her off, telling her she was wrong, actively ignoring her ideas.
And it was getting worse. They were starting to ignore her more and more, forgetting she was in the room, not calling her down for Dinner, even forgetting to check in on her during Patrol.
She knew that there must be something going on, Magical or otherwise, but when she tried bringing it up with her Dad or JLD, they would also Brush her off.
Her Family was forgetting her. And they didn't even realize it.
...
Danny was not okay at the moment.
When he had gone to school a few weeks ago and noticed everybody staring at him, he didn't give it much thought. Maybe Dash or Paulina had spread another Rumor about him again, not too out of the ordinary.
When his name had been called over the Intercom, he hadn't thought much of that either. His grades were falling even more than usual, so he assumed his Guidance Counselor wanted to have another talk with him.
When he walked into the Principals Office to see both of his Parents and some GIW Agents, that's when he realized something big must have happened.
He didn't have much of a chance to react when the Shields went up, but he did react when the first Ecto-Blast scorched the wall behind him. His Parents began to scream at him as they fired their Blasters, something about replacing somebody? He didn't know, he was pretty preoccupied at the moment.
It took more effort than he cared to admit to escape the Room, but a stray shot to the hidden Shield Projector under the Principals Desk proved to be his saving grace. Unfortunately the moment he escaped the Office, he was met with a veritable Army of GIW Agents, all armed to the Teeth with Weapons he had never even seen before.
He managed to get away for a moment, hiding in the Bathroom as the Agents chasing him passed it by. That's when he met Wes.
He obviously hadn't been expecting him, but the moment he saw him Wes put on a smug look. "Oh hi Fenton, trying to get away from the other students?"
Danny had replied with confusion, "What the hell are you talking about?!"
"I finally managed to convince everybody about you, now everyone knows that you're Phantom! I'll bet you're hiding from all of the other Students hounding you for questions right?"
"...it was you?"
"Yeah, so? I finally get to be right!"
"...You absolute MORON-"
That was the last Danny got to say to Wes before an Ecto-Blast launched him through a Wall, seeing his face morph into a look of Shock just before the dust cloud covered it up.
Since that day, Danny had been on the Run. Nowhere was safe anymore now that the GIW knew both his Human and Ghost's faces, but he had to keep running. He crossed state Lines already, and was on his way to the next Ecto-Rich City he could sense, somewhere in New Jersey.
He cursed his Fenton Luck every day. Why had everybody believed Wes this time?! Nobody had ever belived him before, nobody even seemed to acknowledge his existence after a while! What had changed?
Danny just wanted to rest already.
...
Cass had taken to Patrolling alone recently. She had taken to doing a lot of things alone, actually.
After the first month, it seemed that nobody could remember that she was in the room with them, even if she was within their eyeline, she just faded into the background. By the 2 Month Mark they had stopped talking to her entirely, although occasionally she would get a Text or two from her dad. By the 3 month Mark she was completely invisible, and By the 5th she had been forced to get used to it.
She didn't know what was going on, was it a Meta Ability? Magic? Alien Tech? She had no idea.
She had begun to cook for herself after the first time Alfred forgot to set her Plate at the Table. The same with Washing her own Clothes, Cleaning her Room, and Paying her Phone Bills. At the very least the Automated Allowance Payments to her Account had kept up, or she wouldn't have been able to go to her favorite Cafe anymore.
It was bittersweet for her. She used to go to that Cafe every week with Alfred, but he didn't even come on his own anymore. Had he only come for her? Did she really mean that much to them? It hurt, she finally had a family that cared for her and suddenly she didn't exist to them.
She sat alone at a Table, ignored by everyone in the Cafe as usual, when a new face walked in. He looked about her age, a little roughed up, walking with a sort of cautious gaint, as if he was scared of something. His Body Language seemed to agree with her assessment, as his body practically screamed "Worry" in its movements.
Cass stopped watching at that point. Just another Gotham Teen, probably worried over something like getting not having enough money or getting mugged on the way home. It was a Common sight in Gotham.
She attention was pricked again for a moment when she heard a voice speak up. "Uh, can I sit here?"
She ignored it, he wasn't talking to her.
"Um, excuse me? Miss? Could I sit here?" He repeated.
She ignored him again, he wasn't talking to her. Nobody talked to her.
"Hello? Do you have Earbuds in?" He said, and he waved his hand in front of her face.
Her face. He waved his hand. In front of Her Face.
He was talking to her.
She looked up at him sharply, seeming to startle him for a moment before he asked, "So, is that a no?"
"You can see me?" She asked.
He looked a bit bewildered, but replied "Uh, yeah? Why would I not? Are you...a Ghost?". That last part sounded a bit suspicious.
"No. Not a Ghost. But nobody sees me. Ever. Nobody remembers me." She replied. She had never spoken this much to anybody outside of her Family, but in the past few weeks she had been starved for interaction.
He seemed slightly interested, and sat down at her table. He looked her in the eyes, and said "Do you...talk about it?"
She smiled. He could see her.
#Dpxdc#Dp x dc#Dcxdp#Dc x dp#Danny Phantom#Dc#Dcu#Batman#Cassandra Cain#Cassandra's Curse#Wes Weston has Cassandra's Curse#He manages to get rid of it and foists it onto a random person#That being Cassandra Cain (because irony)#The Cassandra Curse works a bit differently here#The User will slowly become less relevant and more ignored in the lives of the people around them#Until nobody can even be bothered to remember they exist and the Prophecy they speak becomes utterly useless#Ever wonder why Wes isn't an actual character in the Show? It's because everybody including the Audience forgot about his ramblings#Danny is unaffected because of Ghost Shenanigans#Wes Weston reveal Danny Phantom#He was so obsessed with finally being right that he didn't think of the consequences#He's still a moron though and doesn't have a way to undo it#Danny is on the Run#This is Cass/Danny if you didn't catch on#Danny has been Unseen because hasn't been able to talk to people for months due to being on the run#Cass has been Unseen for months because that's when she was cursed#Both haven't talked to another person is so long and it is relieving#They live together Unseen for Months since they don't know how to fix either of their situations#Dead Silent#That's their Ship name right?#Had to reference the Shipping Chart
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innocently logging in to look at the Twst schedule for May like
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#i-is that enough spoiler tags#anyway twst just absolutely obliterating me with the schedule again#i saw the story completion campaign ended in june and was like 'oh okay that'll be when we get the next part' NOPE HA HA#oh my god rook. oh my god savana rook is real.#w...why is this a story card. hey twst wHY IS THIS A STORY CARD --#is rook dreaming of still being a rowdy boy or#and why is he...(squints) why is he in a pomefiore bedroom#never mind i'm actually terrified of this card now#god. the STETSON. i'm crying.#he really is just applejack huh#also vil i don't know what your problem was this man's mane is LUSCIOUS#and what's this? it's twst following up that first punch with the right hook of EVEN MORE of the best and silliest event#malleus is going to be in the middle of an angsty flashback while dangling us over a pit of spikes or something#and then we're going to cut directly to him having a charming little tea party with a small plush version of himself#oh twst your sense of pacing remains exquisitely incomprehensible#(no i love this though)
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One of the most bizarre feelings imo is finding out about a prejudice you didn't know existed
Like. I only recently found out that there's areas IN MY OWN COUNTRY where discrimination against Italian people is a genuine problem
Like
I definitely know WHY I always assumed Racism was a prejudice more dependant on differences in skin colour but holy shit damn yeah okay so there's also ultraviolet racism too huh, we're all just drinking the shitty bitch water then
#I don't know why I'm surprised#And I fear I don't have the education yet to fully grasp this#But in my specific area colorism is the biggest visible aspect of our racist culture#So like#None of this stupid shit makes sense but now it makes EXTRA no sense#Like they ain't even scared cause you look different#But yeah dam n it does drive home that all this crap is politically driven huh#Like as much as fuckers pretending it's science to back up racist rhetoric about why a race is better or worse#It totally does prove that these biases are absolutely arbitrary with no grounds in reality#No heritage is fundamentally DIFFERENT when you get down to it#People is people#Why didn't we talk about this in social studies back in school it's a fascinating angle#It would really have driven it home to a room full of white kids too#We would have been blown away
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Lange Sitzung
#hws lithuania#hws poland#lietpol#hws prussia#hws germany#the caption is fun okay?#because lange Sitzung (directly long sitting) is used for long conferences/meetings#but can also be applied when someone takes a long time on the toilet#aph poland#aph lithuania#aph germany#aph prussia#long post#comic attempts#why is gil even there? we don't know
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Hey remember when Queen Elizabeth died and all of Tumblr had a collective crab rave and the tags were trending because fuck imperialism and colonialism? Yeah where's the same energy for President Raisi......
#i mean we know why#it's because you guys don't actually care about Iran or know enough about anything in SWANA#that you guys don't even know who Raisi is#ebrahim raisi
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Mc: 😠
Demons: 😥
Luke: ... What's going on?
Solomon: Mc is upset at the brothers, Diavolo, and Barbatos because they "didn't come home."
Mc: Correction, I'm upset at the brothers, Diavolo, and Barbatos, EXPECT for Lucifer. Cause at least he comes home to me!!!
Lucifer: *standing with a smug look on his face*
Demons: But Mc 🥺
Mc: *turns back to them* I don't want to hear it. If yall don't want to come home that's fine, guess I'll just only ask for Lucifer from now on.
Demons: BUT MC!!! 😢
#Definitely not upset that I didn't get any of the ur+ cards available rn#Even though I did quite a few summons#definitely not#... why don't my boys love me ;-;#Guess Lucifer is my main man now#At least he loves me#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me nightbringer#obey me!#obey me mc#obey me brothers#obey me x mc#obey me imagines#obey me lucifer#shitpost#venting#I know I'm being dramatic#I'm channeling my inner asmo#No hate to asmo of course#I still love all the boys#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#I know this ain't that good
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eleven is fascinating to me because he came right off the back of tens horrible traumatic breakdown after he lost everything and he immediately tried to establish himself as the opposite of that. he is funny and goofy and almost childlike, and he bulldozes on in his adventures with amy like nothing happened at all. but then something happens and his masks slips and it's like oh! the core of this man is still anger. he is so so angry all of the time and this façade is the only thing stopping him from being consumed by it. he isn't over any of it and he hasn't moved on. he is wearing a fez and laughing but under that all that exists is age old anger and grief and it is going to consume him
#i do think that this pit of anger was eventually covered and soothed by the ponds#but he didn't adress it and he couldn't even look at it until he was twelve#when he stopped pushing back and repressing everything and finally allowed himself to exist as he was#but ok listen#its all layed out in the first 3 episodes of season 5 and in the way amy sees him#episode 1. here is the new doctor he is energetic and reeling and fun#episode 2. the space whale comparison. here is the new doctor. he is unthinkably ancient and almost godlike but he is so so kind#and patient and good. he is ancient and lonely but he can't stand to see children cry. so the doctor helps people#episode 3. daleks. the doctor is a soldier. these are his age old enemies. he wants them dead and he will stop at nothing#all logic and reason vanish. he is hitting the dalek with a pipe and yelling his head off while amy watches in horror#like obviously we know why but amy didnt#this is not a sane or rational man he is unstable and angry#and in that episode he was stripped back to what he largely is: hate#you would make a good dalek ect ect ect#anyway 3 episodes with 3 very distinct and equally definitely traits layed out like: here you go#i don't like elevens era much but those first 3 episodes were great#doctor who#eleven#amy#eleventh doctor#matt smith#dr who#dw#i mean idk this is what river literally had to spell out for him#eleven was careening completely out of control#how long til doctor means warrior indeed?#mine
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Chat how do we feel about a guy asking you out on a date and then saying he wants to bring a chaperone along
#one the one hand i kind of get it#on the other hand dude that's a bit presumptuous that there's going to be such instant chemistry that we can't keep our hands off each othe#like sorry i have self control why don't you#i am an adult#we are meeting in a public restaurant#what on earth do think is going to happen#I hardly even know you??#physicsgoblinthoughts
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One thing New Who doesn't really have that Old Who did was the thing where everyone (audience included) thinks the Doctor is this amazing genius from space with the best spaceship of all time, and then someone else from Gallilfrey shows up and goes "Oh, it's you. Did you get expelled from our university or did you just fail your degree? Is THAT what you're driving around the universe in? How does that thing even still work? And why are you dressed like that?"
#Suddenly Recontextualised Protagonist my beloved!#this is why romana's first scene is the best companion intro. (before she met him she was even willing to be impressed!)#and humans insulting the FUCKING TIME MACHINE doesn't hit at all the same. it seems kind of odd mostly? its a fucking time machine!#and we don't know any better!!! you need someone who has their own TARDIS for the real sick burns there.#oh no i just realised approx 82% of my fave Doctor pairings are them with people who are on some level just not that impressed#that explains why i wrote so much Ten/Donna doesn't it? :O#dw
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delivering peaceful judgement
#the look he used to know#twst#twisted wonderland#sebek zigvolt#twst yuu#twst mc#trey clover#Broomquet Birthday#fanart#everyone is so nice towards him but he is really ruuuudee at timess#i can't have it#even tho nrc full of 'evil' students; they like saints when it comes to handling sebek#i don't know how they learnt it#not even ex-delinquent deuce snapped at him on sebek's halloween vignette#is there extra class at nrc that i don't know#is it delivering lesson about how to handle sebek when his mouth starts to open ???#why are all the other students are so good at this ???#no one actually ever yells back at him#even tho we all know that's not the best way to go against him#how could no one be tempted to ???#whhy are they all soo matureee ????#they actually know from the start it's useless to go against how stubborn he is ??#not even the mobs ??????????????
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that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them
but. does ivan know that…?
the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself
because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"
but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—
surely this selfish wanting can’t be love
...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die
but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...
I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)
but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself
#alien stage#alnst#alnst ivan#ivantill#i have a lot of thoughts on till -> mizi too but this is long enough#just attempting to rewrite my twt rambles more coherently#idk why i wrote this so dramatically tho...#'thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions' is going to haunt me to my grave#ivan's character is just a careful balance between his natural freak nature and his extreme depths of self-loathing#making him the most miserable guy ever#...really once you realize so much of what went wrong is thanks to ivan just hating himself too much to even think of them as friends. well#c...can we bring him back... don't die like this.....#(also you know. with the implications of how 'pets' are treated#wanting someone physically must feel... even more wrong
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