#and ugh my assignment timed out since i was on tumblr lol

[loose-leafstudy]

3:18pm

sunday, jan 29

happy sunday! 

online school isn’t going too bad, i've only had one all-nighter so far lol. i’m really enjoying my pathophysiology class though! and my goal for this week is to get most of my assignments and quizzes done by wednesday, fingers crossed 

wishing everyone a great week ✿

+ important biology lesson below

(don’t ask me how many times i've learned the cell parts for a class lol)

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Ok before I say anything else BRUH I took the quiz you reposted and guess who I got….also mf sae…..bro??? Wavelengthed too hard but STAY STRONG NO CONVERTING

EVIL YUKI SHSHSHSJ actually know dw all the shit and slander yuki has to go through now is just setting him up to become rough and tumble yuki so he can get the development he deserves it’s all part of the plot!!! STOP ITS SO EMO but ig its better than one of them being left behind by the other shevdhshsh (or you let mc live and then we can be with Karasu instead/j) I’ll never be get over how interesting hollyhock mc is though (the whole belonging/ownership/love dynamic is SO unique I love it sm) on the complete opposite side of the spectrum we have otoya being done TOO MUCH justice LMAOOO it’s ok the story and plot slap so he can have a pass

DADFAILURE LOSERS I LOVE IT HAHAHA esp while yuki has his life (pretty much) together truly the embodiment of tabieitaken shenanigans also KING OF KALOS GOES SO HARD??? Mm yes we love yuki supremacy (also the ref to his emperor of 1-on-1 title ugh so peak)

That’s actually insane I feel you though because I’m also scared shitless of getting mobbed by insane parts of fandoms (partially why I’ve never really used tumblr to do anything before besides lurk and also why I am NOT subjecting myself to being one of those regular translators on twitter or tiktok or whatnot I’m not about to get people attacking me in the comments for wild shit shshshsb) BUT I agree lowk….i mean tullireo isn’t going to be rubbed in our faces in the story anyways (I assume) since we’ll be too busy burying Barou’s corpse (I’m screaminf) but THSTS SO REAL “I make money so my wife can breed pokemon and keep them all for herself instead and I’ll build them a whole pokemon pasture/sanctuary” (that would be me as a pokemon breeder fr) bro it was just meant to be the team vibes…it’s giving elegant but strong

LMAO chigiri and Reo forced platonic close proximity chigiri is just THE bestie whether it’s gossip or wingman duties he’s got it all but I’m crying otoya tweaking because he’s like “NOOOOOOOOOOO MY OTP” and Karasu patting him like “idk what you’re on about but hate to break it to you but I don’t think Tullia doesn’t likes you that way”

Wait I know the exact vibe you’re going for it’s giving “drops random lore/information and disappears for three months” LMAOOO fr that older mentor who comes gives hints and guidance kinda like a walk through tutorial guide in a game where they’re like “oh yeah you should go here” only to never be heard from again LFMOAOAAOAOAO GANDALF REAL but that kinda puts a bit of distance in his dynamic I feel? So yes TULLIREO WE ALL CHANT guess I gotta side with otoya this time tullireo OTP LOWK DO IT it’s just the vibes too yk…they just match….guys…..

LMAO my first thought was fr “that scrawny ass kid with a bug net on route 2” imagine they don’t even battle the boy is so scared of ghost type aeguslash that he just runs (I see that typo but I’m not fixing it because it’ll get autocorrected into something unrecognizable and I’m channeling my inner Nagi and being lazy)

LMFAOO reader fr like “where tf did my genes go…” THE PARENTAL LORE GOES CRAZY LMAOAO imagine their kids going to school and yk how elementary school kids usually get those assignments that’s like “what do my parents do?” Etc? Yeah their daughter has to fill out that and her drawing is reader on top of a pile of dead team z grunts carrying nagi or maybe they’re just holding hands but nagi def has to be shown asleep taking a nap and uncle Barou flying in the sky as an angel and readers giant ass red gyarados in the back looming over it all and like a crying Mr. Mikage on the floor

LMAO Reo exclusively using luxury balls so true lowk the premier balls kinda fit Barou’s aesthetic too maybe he splurges on them generally to keep everything consistent and neat looking LOL bro my luck was ass with quick balls actually I think I’ve only ever caught my donphan (as phanpy) with one LMAOA

Pause I see the abamasnow vision (it’s intimidating but imagine it’s as dumb as him LMAOA openly walking up to fire types) arcanine accidentally burning tf out of it is so funny they would SO bully him for that for the rest of his life

Aiku getting what he deserves!! He has his happy ending though he’s just gotta finish up his community service first LOLL ok but him actively very involved with sae and Barou because he deals with them on a more regular level because they’re on the same team and he’s like “I can’t deal with their bitchlessness anymore PLEASE get a girl I’ll even help you but you need STRESS RELIEF. NOW.” LMFAOO wait I’m very excited to see aiku put in his place LMFAOO

When the familial relationship steals the spotlight from the romantic one>>>> LAMSOA /hj perhaps this can be a character study in the future…I’m crying their relationship is so sweet though ugh

EYES WIDE OPEN OMGOMG NEW GRAPHICS!!! No I lowk love the clean look too it fits the vibe fr!! Guys yk it’s serious when the graphics ready…pokemon au here we come!!!!!!!

- Karasu anon

LMAOOO IT’S BECAUSE WE’RE THE SAME PERSON FR no but i think it’s so funny we’re both NOT itoshi lovers which is pretty rare i feel and yet we’re the ones who ended up getting sae himself 😭 the universe wants to convert us to itoshism but we MUST stay strong

HELP YOU’RE SO RIGHT this is just the development he requires…rough and tumble yuki’s bad past is actually a bad past LIFE where he led to the death and despair of all of his current friends (that’s lowkey a crazy fic premise like the whole hollyhock gang reincarnated but only yukimiya gets his past memories back so he has to live with the knowledge that he once betrayed everyone he now loves 😰) agreed at least it’s not one living/the other dying!! LMAOO no because hollyhock reader x karasu is such a normal dynamic tbh free hollyhock karasu from her he does not have the insanity to match her freak 😭 it really is like i said HAHA with a normal reader and author karasu would be endgame but (un)fortunately for him reader is fucked up and i’m an angst lover so he does not get that privilege 🙂‍↕️ also yeah every time otoya does some dumbass shit in the manga/anime i’m like okay YOU are the one who’s starring in hollyhock?? YOU are the bloodthirsty ninja who dies because he loves someone that much??? he would actually be so hype to know that that’s how he’s viewed though…we’ve talked about bllk otoya meeting hollyhock otoya but imagine PURSUIT otoya meeting hollyhock otoya he probably bursts into tears because at least he’s living his cool ninja life SOMEWHERE

YUKIMIYA SUPREMACY ALWAYSSS i had sm fun coming up with everyone’s little nicknames (barou’s being the “never-champion” because he never actually got to challenge mr mikage vs reader’s being the “reluctant champion” because she never even wanted to be champion in the first place…did somebody say #siblinggoals 😜⁉️) and the king of kalos just rolls off of the tongue sooo well especially because his mentor is chris PRINCE like come on now!! pls pokémon au tabiektaken are basically the epitome of their miraverse dynamic like it’s how i would write them if i were in charge of the manga HAHAHA they’re so funny together

PLSS i respect you sm for that because it’s such a double edged sword like on the one hand i love making my silly posts and having my followers and mutuals react but on the other i’m always afraid a post will break containment and reach the wrong audiences because some people are BRUTAL 😭 but if you do ever decide to become tumblr active trust i will defend you from any hate 🤫🫡 can’t say the same for twitter because i don’t have an account nor tik tok because people on there are a different brand of terrifying but i can tussle w some tumblr trolls if needed!!

yeah i def think tullireo will have that togetullia from pi vibe!! like there’s very obviously something going on and it’s mentioned now and again but reader’s relationship with nagi / search for barou are much more forefront so it’s not at all the main focus!! with such an expansive story though it’s so important imo to have more relationships than just the main pairing otherwise things fall flat and/or the main pairing can almost feel out of place?? like why are y’all falling in love when NO ONE else is 😭⁉️

otoya bawling over the loss of his otp meanwhile karasu’s like “there there buddy it’ll be okay plenty of other girls out there anyways what’s an otp 🙂❔” HAHAH he’s the dad with 0 clue of modern slang or anything also wait this reminds me of a specific exchange nagi and reader have during the aegislash arc where nagi’s like “wait i think we’ve been isekai’d” and reader’s like “how do you know what that is” and nagi’s just like “oh reo loves reading villainess isekai manhwa on his pokétch before bed every night” and reader’s like “huh okay” and it’s never mentioned again LMAOOO

yeahhh that’s exactly isagi’s vibe!! along with aiku’s a bit but isagi’s more mature aiku is like the problematic version of that trope 😭 isagi’s the voice reader hears in her head when she tries to ride her bike inside ykwim…agreed it really does differentiate him from the main cast a bit too much for a romantic relationship between him and tullia to make sense!! especially given he’s meant to be barou’s contemporary and barou’s looked up to as The Big Brother of the story isagi kind of ends up giving off that vibe too 😩 now REO on the other hand…otoya and chigiri cooking fr i lowkey love the juxtaposition too where tullia is super motivated and has a dream she wants to accomplish of her own merits whereas reo has everything handed to him but he’s only doing things because his family expects him to?? idk could lead to some fun interactions…plus the first nagi and reader battle (where her houndour uses pursuit on his growlithe) only even happens because she wants to battle for experience but tullia’s already challenged reo so nagi’s her only option ☝🏻 so if you think about it that kind of foreshadows tullireo…maybe my mind already knew what needed to be done FJSKSKA just like i only noticed the arcanine/houndoom parallels AFTER the fact

that kid is so cocky too imagine he throws out his fucking rattata or metapod and he’s like “beat this 😜” because nobody else on route one has been able to yet and then nagiy/n’s daughter’s just like “ok 👍” and out comes aegislash…wait lowkey ykw would be cute is if the bug catcher just becomes her traveling companion after that because of how strong “her” aegislash is (i bet after their daughter has enough pokémon of her own reader’s like ok give aegislash back now and train your own team up) like he’s like “woah if i stick with you i’ll definitely become more powerful” and ofc nagi’s daughter is as nonchalant as he is so she doesn’t gaf but then they end up falling in love or smth and having that black cat introvert girl x golden retriever extrovert boy dynamic FJDNFJSKJS omg now we’ll have to come up with nagiy/n GRANDCHILDREN lore (unrelated but the thought of nagi as a grandfather is so cursed)

I’M CRYING AT THE IMAGE OF BAROU IN HEAVEN he’s definitely one of those baby angels with the trumpets and little white wings but it’s just barou’s head and massive hair pasted onto it 😭 and gyarados is just drawn with a massive grin on its face meanwhile mr mikage is just face down on the ground LMAOAOAO and nagi is holding hands with y/n who’s like 🙂 meanwhile nagi is just drawn to be 😴 imagine the teacher’s like why is your father asleep and their daughter’s like “he sleeps a lot 😄” so the teacher is concerned for the child’s welfare?? and that afternoon she pulls up to the nagi household and knocks on the door determined to confront “mr and mrs nagi” about how nagi’s always sleeping and if their daughter is being cared for properly but when they open the door the teacher’s like WHAT THE FUCK because it’s y/n l/n and SEISHIRO nagi not just two randoms standing there 😰 safe to say she runs away real quick…i feel like their son being the older of the two is a lot more like barou somehow?? which is crazy because neither nagi nor reader are anything like him but he just takes after his uncle sm…i kinda picture him looking like season 1 kiyora actually in the sense that he has a very barou-esque coloring but more of nagi’s hair texture 🤔 lowkey he probably acts like wicked game kiyora too like always getting into fights (in this case pokémon battles) and whatnot but also pretty chill (he got the reuniclus because it’s a former nagi team member so it’s much calmer and holds him back whereas aegislash would def egg him on HAHAHA)

okay wait now i’m stealing that for reader’s phanpy…it’s her second pokémon/the first she ever catches so imagine she just panics and throws a ball at it and karasu’s like bro that’s not going to work lmao but it was actually a quick ball she took from his stash because she didn’t have any of her own so it DOES work HAHAHA ofc karasu’s like what the hell because he always tries to use quick balls and they never work for him despite being really effective when yayoi and apparently reader use them (maybe he catches gible in one though?? and that’s why he doesn’t even need to battle it and is able to capture it while otoya and reader are arguing)

i def had to think about zantetsu for a second but him having an absolute idiot of an abomasnow just fits him so so well lowkey the aesthetics are matched too?? imagine he can mega evolve it eventually HAHAHAH you just see dumbass zantetsu with this enormous mega abomasnow and you’re like wait am i cooked?? but then one fire type move and it’s out for the count 😭 pls it’s especially funny because reo actually doesn’t have any fire types so he has to actively work to beat abomasnow meanwhile arcanine BREATHES and it’s gone 😩 zantetsu lucky fr that nagi doesn’t gaf abt battling him…wait lowkey yk what would be fun is just a mini arc of like ovas/spinoff chapters?? showing what characters other than reader are up to…maybe one focuses on manshine trio and the reo vs zantetsu rivalry, another shows a day in the life of isagi and gives a bit more characterization to the other elite four candidates (kunigami kaiser bachira) as well as the elite four themselves, another is like aiku’s field journal of him getting bullied by pokémon, another is yukimiya’s contest training, another is hiori like settling a dispute amongst some safari zone pokémon (or even amongst his team to show the dynamics we talked abt earlier), and maybe even a tabieita one to show what they’re up to when the girls aren’t around 🤔

oaeu aiku is lowkey so entertaining to write though i can’t even lie he has some HILARIOUS lines i just started the barou version and there’s sm lorenzo slander i’m crying…people can’t even get mad because they’re not MY thoughts they’re aiku’s!!! that’s why i was able to get away w sae slander hehehe 🤫🤫🤫 anyways we finally had the dream team of aryu sendou niko and aiku show up as well as the aiku + niko duo getting some screen time so it’s been fun 🤩

no because lowkey a character study of noel noa’s rise to fame through the eyes of someone who’s known him from the start could lowkey be insane if only i didn’t have like ten requests, oaeu, pursuit, and my upcoming 1k event to worry about 😩 not to mention peregrine and hollyhock KFJDJSJS rip to them fr

YAYYYY I LOVED THE GRAPHICS the grey matching nagi’s character color…houndoom being the only splash of color and really standing out…the super neat font (serving barou realness tbh) idk i just really like it it’s def not the same vibe as the oaeu one for example but that one def gives “this is a silly cute crack fic” whereas this one you can tell you’ll need to lock in a bit to read if that makes sense

ALSO DID YOU SEE THE NEW TRAILER it’s looking like we’re getting s1 animation again but honestly it’s whatever s1 was liveable plus they always do my man nagi (mostly) right so i’m chilling…they made otoya’s face and chin SUPER pointy in that one screencap i reblogged but otherwise idm it too much!! KARASU LOOKS SO CUTE I’M SO GLAD HE’S FINALLY GOTTEN SCENES i really like his hair actually it looks sm softer and fluid in the anime style vs the manga!! at the end of the day at least we didn’t get yona of the dawn-ed like maybe the anime isn’t perfect but at least it exists ykwim?? although given how well the manga sells i’m surprised they don’t put more effort into the anime…anyways 🤷🏻‍♀️

[koiifiishy]

I don't know if I should ask here or on the main blog, but what do you think some of Kou's voice lines would be like(rain, thunder, etc), or his hangout(4-stars vibes sorry)/story quest?

Hello! thank you for this ask ^^ sending it here is okay, no worries. my main is in perpetual shadowrealm timeout (thank you tumblr) so its probably best to send me things on this acc! as for your question, thats a good ask :0c ive vaguely thought about it before but never wrote anything concrete down. i'll throw some random ones out but if you had particular lines you wanted know, please feel free to ask!

also - thank you for waiting so long for this answer :")c i know it was sent sooo long ago. also! i assigned him stephanie sheh as usagi tsukino (sailor moon) for his voice claim :3c if that helps you imagine his voice while saying these lines.

Hello: oh, come on, you already know me! ... fine - i'll tell you again, and this time you better commit it to memory: i! am kou, and i'm not just a nekomata - i'm The nekomata! the best there is! a true yokai! i set fires hotter than the sun, my dancing can raise the very dead, i've feasted upon the FLESH of humans!!! huh? ... no, not recently, you told me not to... i've been behaving!

Rain: y'know, cats and rain don't really mix well together..! can't we go find someplace warm and i dunno - not wet?

Thunder: hey, did you know that if you hold your sword up really high in a thunderstorm, it'll scare away the lightning? it's true, try it!

Favorite Food: chicken! fish! and when you put them on a stick, doesn't it make it more fun to eat? but really, i'm not all that picky - so give me lots of treats, okay~?!

Least Favorite Food: it's not that i don't like it exactly... but i just can't stomach it, y'know. what am i talking about? alcohol! i can't stand it! ugh, not even a cup in and i'm snoozing away, belly up, for all the world to see my fur! it's so undignified... hey, you're not thinking of using this against me, are you...

About 1: hm? what do you wanna know that i haven't already told you? i'm not holding anything back y'know, i just can't remember some things... but you're gonna help me with that, right? you promised!

Memories: sometimes... i get this feeling like i've lost something. something really important, that i shouldn't have misplaced - but when i try to check myself, it's like, i know that it's not just some thing like my clothes or my bracers. it's more important than that... i'm missing something special.

About Paimon: hmph... you know that gnat better than anyone, so why ask me. ... uuugh - i'll stop calling her a gnat when she stops hovering around my head and buzzing in my ears all the time! what - no! i don't hate her. . . i'm just the better companion, obviously. you think so too, right? ...RIGHT???

About Traveler: aaw, do you need a little praise? c'mere, i'll pat your head for you~ hehe. ... i never did thank you, did i. so much has happened between me waking up and now. all of the adventures we've been on together and the people we've met... and the things we've seen and done... i may not always say it, but i am appreciative to be here; by your side, as your friend. ...it's okay, if you need someone to lean on. stay here a little while longer, let me brush your hair...

as for his story quest or hang out (i could see him having either, but i think he'd most likely have a story quest instead of a hangout! nothing too long, but since he's the traveler's second companion a hangout event seems a little redundant - they're usually 'hanging out'! lol) i've thought about it off and on and i think it'd just be a one part quest; he doesn't remember much of his past besides vague things, so it'd probably deal with him regaining those memories.

i imagine that, fitting into a canon game timeline, he'd of regained most of his memories post-chasm yaksha event. that would've triggered a lot of his memories to come back, since the chasm is where a very significant struggle in his past took place. he's an old cat lol. if not at this time though, i can for sure see him regaining all of his memories in the sumeru archon quest line, since memory and timelines are such a big thing there. by the desert and fontaine's storylines, kou has for sure gained all of his memories and i think he'd of had a character quest by then.

i don't have anything concrete, but having him run off for a longer time than the traveler is used to having him be gone would probably be the push for them to find him/the beginning of that quest. something like paimon stating "it's been a while since kou's been around, hasn't it? where did that cat run off to now?!" and prompting the traveler to asking around if anyone's seen him (probs in liyue). little search quest, finding clues while running around liyue. find some clues at the cave that they originally found him in, maybe use elemental sight to see that he's been there recently. follow that out and find kou? something like that!

i dont think i've really written in depth on this blog about kou's background. or like. anything LMAO,,, i just share silly art that i make of him. but his story quest would be very melancholy. tl;dr, he's a nekomata originally from inazuma who was tricked into servitude and was the mochizuki clan's property (assassin? "political helper" lol??) for a few generations until towa. towa stole him away from inazuma and they went to mainland teyvat, mostly traveling mondstadt, liyue, and some of sumeru; focused on liyue though. the cataclysm happens, towa is a healer and good soul and volunteers his help; kou of course sticks by his side and fights that good fight. but towa saw how much it took out of everyone, and how even those that weren't humans couldn't handle this much fighting and suffering; towa didn't want kou's entire life to be spent fighting for others, and decided to use a bit of underhanded trickery himself, to seal kou away.

it was "for his own good", but that doesn't change that kou felt betrayed by it. he was prepared to die and would have welcomed it, if he could have perished protecting towa. he hadn't been fighting for liyue, or for the 'greater good', he'd only been fighting for towa - his "special person". that's who he was forgetting and what he felt he'd lost after waking up, and he only got vague feelings and splintered memories of happier times with him. his story quest would definitely focus on him remembering towa and the events that led up to his sealing and the betrayal he felt by it, and the pain of losing towa not only once but remembering it all over again and feeling like he'd lost him a second time.

like any good quest, there needs to be a fight >:3c which i think he'd be the boss of his own quest, with the traveler fighting him. they fought him once before when he had just woken up in modern teyvat, but by this time i think with him a lot more lucid (even if he's in emotional turmoil) they wouldn't be able to overpower him like they had before. i think it'd be a scripted end to the fight, where kou's pinned the traveler down or something but instead of finishing them off, the traveler feels tears hit their face; straddled over them, kou's chest heaved with sobs. his red eyes shone like rubies through his tears, his mouth twisted into a pained grimace. though his metal claws was poised to strike, the traveler forgot about any imminent danger to themself ; in that moment, all they could feel was a resounding sadness. something like that - kou yelling that he can't handle being left again. he doesn't want to lose the traveler like he lost towa. eventually they're going to leave, when they reunite with their sibling, right? cue traveler consoling him and calming him down, AND A HUG there needs to be a hug after all that.

as is the way, there's of course that moment after the quest where kou's just standing someplace outlooking the scenery wistfully. no further dialog from him, just one of those "he looks like he needs a minute to himself..." traveler inner thoughts pop up.

or something along those lines lol! thanks for the questions :>

[backslashdelta]

Hi tumblr user backslash delta. What fob song would you assign to each of your fav glee ships

Hi tumblr user twinskeletxns. What an excellent question!

Relatedly, you might be interested in the time I assigned each album to a Glee character, or I picked a FOB album and assigned every Glee character to one of its songs, or my thoughts on Puck as a FOB fan.

I feel like I should do this without using the songs I've already giffed lol, that feels like cheating. But since it's on topic, I do definitely see Kurtbastian as Fourth of July and Klaine as Disloyal Order.

But let's suppose I can't use those, just for funsies. I'm gonna do 4 ships but if you have questions about a specific ship not included lmk! I also didn't have any of these in mind ahead of time, so I figured this all out just now flipping through FOB's discography. I reserve the right to change my opinions at any time lmao

Kurtbastian: Of All The Gin Joints In All The World

This is from Sebastian's perspective. And I'm obsessed. Sebastian talking about how Kurt doesn't know the real him, and if he did then he wouldn't want him. They ARE making out (maybe not inside crashed cars, but whatever)!! He never really cared about another person, he just wanted to live his life, but now there's KURT and that's all he dreams about now. Sebastian is definitely bad at talking about his feelings but he can definitely show Kurt how he feels about him ayyyy. He will NEVER be the same, not after Kurt. And Kurt is kind of untouchable - not in a literal sense obviously, but he's so strong, all of the things about Sebastian and his life that he thinks might deter Kurt, though don't, they can't touch him.

Actually, on further thought, I think FUTCT might be a Kurtbastian album... going to resist the urge to make a gifset series because I don't have time but it may happen eventually

Kelliott: The Last Of The Real Ones

You know I feel like this is very much a "everyone is fake but you're not, you're real, I was kind of alone in this big world and then I found you, other people might see you and think they need you but they don't really get you, not like me" vibe and that feels very them? Like they're both really unique and special and they see through people's bullshit. They are real ones. Even the "you were too good to be true, gold plated" I feel like is Kurt seeing Elliott for the first time and being like "ugh no this guy cannot be for real" but like he IS. And then Kurt SEES that finally and is like oh shit what was I thinking.

Klaine: Miss Missing You

This is very specifically season 6 breakup Klaine. "Sometimes before it gets better the darkness gets bigger, the person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger" HELLO????? Kurt breaks Blaine's heart and Blaine is CRUSHED and they go through HELL but they had to go through those dark times to come back together and be better!!! Literally it's just them. It's them!!!

Klaine (but happy this time): Heaven's Gate

Literally this song is just talking about how much they love each other and they would give everything to each other and they will keep coming back to each other always, anything other than being together would just feel like a substitute, like a placeholder for each others' love. Anyway. Yeah.

Pizes: Favorite Record

This is very Puck just wanting Lauren, you know? "You were the song stuck in my head, every song that I've ever loved, play it again and again and again and again" which I feel like is very him just going after her and her being the only one for him even when she was making it difficult for him, you know? "And I spin for you like your favorite records used to" honestly she kinda has him whipped lmao but like not in a bad way! He'd just do anything for her. "And when you ask me, 'How I'm doing?' Like you know how much better off I am," like she knows he is a better version of himself with her, you know? And he knows. They both know. He can't remember how to forget how he feels when he's with her.

[kyooongie]

Sorry it took me a few days to respond I got swamped with uni work (swamped meaning I neglected my assignments in favor of reading bbh fics and being on twitter and then school caught up with me) but GOD talking with you is so nice, you're saying everything I've been thinking recently about fics T^T I know exactly what vibe of fics you're talking about, those kinds of fics stay with me and affect me for a while because of how good the writing is, "real stories" is a great way to describe it. I love those ugh I'm not kidding I've been thinking in my mind for like a year or two that I wish people would write some of those kinds of beautiful fics for bbh on here again. I pretty much gave up hope though because exo tumblr writers in general are few and far between, and exo tumblr writers who do series or longer works are pretty much non existent nowadays.. And I feel like these kinds of fics aren't usually requested, more like the authors just come up with the idea for it, at least I think? Anyway hearing you say that you're planning on doing that kind of special gorgeous/longer/ao3 type fic for baekhyun literally made my entire year ngl :') I'm definitely looking forward to whenever you post them!!!!! Like so so much!!!!!!!!!! I'm sure I'll eat it right up. Finally some good fucking food for bbh fans LOL you're doing god's work fr fr ily.. Omg I have a rule of not reading incomplete fics too because if an author discontinues a fic or goes MIA it's too much for my poor heart ahah also I try not to read long fics that end in heartbreak/angst. I get too depressed like let me be happy and end up with my kyoongie baby pls omg... I read felon two years ago by accident because I saw it had so many parts so I thought it was complete so I read it OTL it's so incredible though so I can't even mind that it's without updates. I believe the author said last fall that she wanted to finish it before the end of 2022, so maybe hopefully we'll get an update this year instead, I'm manifesting it!

omg i can relate im soooo behind on readings fgdshjfdks AND IM AN ENGLISH/HISTORY MAJOR SO ITS BAD T__T baekhyun fics are just way better to read like im sorry...... also i keep staying up really late reading them/writing them and then missing my 8am oops

thanks for looking forward to my work omg!! i hope it doesnt disappoint xx im working on a long one but im thinking about putting out some short ones in the mean time bc i have SO many reqs waiting to be filled haha. i havent written fanfic since i was like 14 (lol) so it might take some getting used to.. hopefully my first attempts arent too horrible ;__ ; i do have a couple more ideas for long fics too hehe just trying to juggle school and friends and everything too so i dont have as much time as id like to write :-(

i will manifest a felon update too.. hopefully our combined psychic powers make it happen !!

[carbootsoul]

erika+ephriam+lyon for ask game 👀? and a witch hat character of your choosing if you like as well :3v

omg clint you're spoiling me :) also this is mostly unrelated but i was listening to kat flint today and a) her music is so good thank u for introducing it to me years ago and b) VERY witch hat atelier vibes which was fun. im putting my answers under a cut bc i am sooo verbose about characters

eirika: a song that reminds me of them: this is just the first that came to mind but oh what a world by rufus wainwright! oh what a world my parents gave me / always traveling but not in love. the rly interesting mix of idealism and pragmatism that she embodies- both being in awe of and in love with the world and the people in it but also not hesitating to accept that they are in a war and the tragedies that come with it what they smell like: i think for most of the game she smells like sweat and dirt an otp: eirika and l'arachel is actually the best ship in the whole entire world they're sooo funny. they keep meeting and every time eirika is like ???? and l'arachel is just falling head over heels in love a notp: eirika and lyon romance honestly very textually relevant in the game and adds to the story and whatever but they're both so absolutely homosexual that i can't conceptualize it favorite platonic/familial relationships: eirika and ephraim 🥺🥺 but also eirika and seth he's such a good big brother figure!! but also eirika and colm and eirika and tana and eirika and lyon. it's like.. rag tag army as family.. a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: there are like two posts about her on tumblr dot com but her fire emblem heroes characterization makes me insane shut up about your brother shut up about your brother the position they sleep in: on her side one leg curled to her chest

ephraim a song that reminds me of them: omg lies by marina abt his relationship with lyon. you're too proud to say that you made a mistake / you're a coward till the end i really wish we had been able to see more of ephraims reaction to the true story of what happened with lyon, since he obviously forgives him but also seems to be angry about it and that's such a good dynamic. also oc can't let you go / i just want it to be perfect / to believe it's all been worth the fight. they make me... ugh what they smell like: he has also been living in tents for months so he probably also smells like horses and sweat an otp: ephraim and lyon do get to me... 🥺 also he and innes as a like teenage fling is hilarious to me they're so funny to each other i can't believe they don't have supports a notp: if i ever see another incest joke i'm killing someone favorite platonic/familial relationships: he and his sister are so good!! they're so siblings! a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: again i have never rly interacted with the fe fandom but something from canon i disagree with is the assignment of the sun to him and the moon to his sister he is so obviously the lunar twin im furious abt this the position they sleep in: absolutely sprawled out. he takes up as much space as is given to him

lyon a song that reminds me of them: ache with me by against me just happened to be playing rn but it's very him. do you share the same sense of defeat / have you realized all the things you'll never be / ideals turn to resentment, open minds close up with cynicism / i've got no judgement for you / come on and ache with me. what they smell like: roses but in a fucked up revolutionary girl utena way like the roses symbolize something sinister an otp: lyon and ephraim.. admittedly lyon is kind of carrying why this ship is compelling with his tragic backstory but ephraim is such a boy so he's important too a notp: see eirika :/ favorite platonic/familial relationships: he and eirika and ephraim as a unit are so important to me they are so [unintelligible] a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: i haven't rly seen this much but i guess any tendency to soft-boy him bc of his character design like this guy sucks a lot and he has a lot of flaws that almost ended the world :/ the position they sleep in: hugging a pillow

and for the wha character.. agott bc she's so girl :) a song that reminds me of them: pretty little things by the crane wives! but trust is now something i make people earn / so i'm not inclined to just give it away / to a pair of blue eyes with some nice things to say what they smell like: grass in the best way possible! an otp: she and coco are SO !! im in love with them. sasunaru dynamic but better in every way. all the panels of coco hugging or complimenting agott and agott blushing furiously are the new wonders of the world. shipping kids in media always feels a little weird but i think they're a rly cute like first crush dynamic a notp: i dont think she's been shipped with anyone else lol favorite platonic/familial relationships: agott and olruggio are rly interesting to me! i've probably just drawn lines between them because they're both grumpy but i could definitely see agott becoming for coco what olruggio is for qifrey and i love when children are friends with their adult narrative foil it's about helping the younger generation overcome the things that they couldn't! it's also about olruggio being able to connect with agott because they're both grumpy :) a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: not a headcanon bc again the fandom is tiny but so much of her tag is ppl being mean to her about what she did in the second (?) volume like yeah that was mean but she's like 12! 12 year olds do fucked up stuff all the time they're still learning what interpersonal relationships are the position they sleep in: on her stomach clutching her pillow a crossover au i’d love to see them in: anything that would allow her to say swear words my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn: the like single panel where tetia is getting mad at her about not liking wearing costumes and it shows her dressed as a prince! she looks so good

djskflj i feel like i wrote a novel about each of them and tbh i do not know if u will make any sense out of it but thank u for sending this it was super fun to think about them for a while!!!

[celestialflamesme]

| KARMA AND CRAZY MIDGETS | A Venai One-shot Modern AU | Fairy Tail Next Generation |

Ships: Raidyn Dreyar x Venetia Redfox

Dedicated to @primaverafrog @luna-chan00 @biorckstudios18 @animaration-fts @cxndy-stxrs (Lol, I can't believe that no-paragraph breaks worked😂 I fooled Tumblr, y'all!😎😆)

You'd think having a town overtaken by the mafia would make people more apprehensive, if anything. But if Magnolians were anything, they were huge (and he simply could not stress this enough) idiots.

Raidyn prided himself in not partaking in anything Fairy-esque which was more than what he could say about some of his colleagues (Yes, they named themselves Fairy 'Tail' of all things! How no one in this town even got the spelling right was beyond him....)

"Did you hear about Fullbuster and that Fernandez chick? They're together now!" Some red head he'd forgotten the name of (What! It was too late to ask her now!) stage-whispered.

"Who? Storm?"

The entire cafe burst into laughter. "Like Storm would even look at a girl that's not Nashi."

Point proven. They!! were!! on!! first!! name!! basis!! (He bet no one in this room even knew his last name, let alone first. Not that it mattered. He liked slinking in the shadows, although it was practically impossible with his snow-white hair)

Geez, did these people have no lives? They were talking about delinquents for Pete's sake! And ones that sure loved messing up the town in their infamous brawls. But did the people care? Nooooo.

Ugh, one more year and he'd be out of this whacked up place. Wiping a tabletop, he forced a smile on his face and pretended to be interested in the topic.

"Cass, I'll have a black and a burger with fries," a voice interrupted. A voice he was very familiar with.

Did he happen to mention that the most annoying one of them all had made this her hangout spot?

At 5'1, you'd think Venetia Redfox would be the least intimidating person ever. But with crimson red eyes and a Devil-may-care attitude that made up for it, no one dared mess with her. She also caused 75% of the fights in town and had a smirk straight out of a Wattpad Bad-boy fanfic.

Boy, did he hate her.

"You're gonna chip it off with that grip, Blondie."

Oh my god, she did not just-

Raidyn shot her a glare and strode to the back of the register, faintly registering a chuckle (Who the hell did she think she was?) before picking up another order.

Little Miss Redfox however sat at a corner table and continued doing whatever the hell she usually did every Tuesday and Friday for 3 hours in a row (he should know, he was there glaring at her at closing time).

But the kicker this time was, at that moment, her phone rang. You have never really seen your world end right before your eyes if you haven't seen a 5 foot psychotic looking delinquent decked in leather that drove in a motorcycle there by the way (How does one willingly ride on a metallic death-trap like that?!) mumble the words 'Cha cha real smooth' and pick up a call with the most deadpan look ever.

Raidyn almost cried. Almost.

"Are you kidding me? Do it yourself! I swear to God, you always do this shit, Dragneel!" She got up from her seat and walked out, just like she looooved doing smack dab in the middle of her classes back at Magnolia High.

Good riddance.

........

He jinxed it. Karma was such a bitch.

Though no sort of karmic revenge could explain the shit he had to go through that week.

First off, he had 4 assignments due in by the end of the week. And turns out that was the exact week his dear red-head colleague decided would the perfect time for a vacation (It's the middle of September, where in hell's name was she planning to go to?)

Guess who had double shifts now?

This clown.

Ugh. Talk about chivalry and all that loyalty shit.

And yes, of course his car had to break down, and the local bus had to change it's schedule, which left him with his last resort: walking 4 and a quarter miles to school (Oh, he found that out the hard way all right) to college. Nashi and the Fullbuster kid (He sure loved walking around shirtless a little too much) decided to brawl (again) and bam, his locker got caught in the crossfire.

In fact things were so overly shitty that he became skeptical come Thursday when the day seemed relatively normal.

"You've been scowling all week, Dreyar. Anything the matter?"

Raidyn snapped out of his reverie and groaned. "Dad, why not just call me by my name like any normal person would?"

"Because that doesn't build-"

"CHARACTER!! WE GET IT!" His mom, Mirajane mimicked with a scowl. "Well, we're just going to get two Happy meals and then we're off, honey!"

He faintly registered Hunter snickering in the background (How immature. Raidyn wasn't one to get embarrassed by his parents. Plus, none of it would ever compare to the Disco Fiasco of 2001. How else do you think he got his car? Sweet, sweet guilt-tripping....)

The day buzzed past but his suspicions only intensified tenfold. (Call him a pessimist, he didn't care) And like a bull in a China shop, a tiny midget Redfox (the one and only) strut in.

Now, he was behind the counter at that moment handling the red-head (he really ought to learn her name someday) so he didn't notice 5 feet of brute strength that climbed up behind him and dragged him (poor, unsuspecting him) into the supply closet.

Oh no, he was not kidding. The supply closet. Of all the places the perpetrator could've-

The lights flickered on and he screeched (What? Any human would!) at the red irises staring determinedly into his own non-red eyes. (Seriously, were those even real?) Raidyn wasn't scared of no judgement, what did scare him (maybe not that much, now that he knew who those belonged to) was Satan's minion and her RED AS FUCK EYES! LIKE SERIOUSLY-

Clearing his throat and trying to salvage some faux dignity after that dramatic display, he grunted, "Touch me one more time and you're-"

"Yeah, yeah I get it, big guy. Look, I need a favour."

Venetia Redfox crossed her arms and stood threateningly in front of the entrance.

Who was she kidding? "Nope," he muttered and swerved right around her and made his way to the counter. (Pipsqueak. She really should've seen that coming.)

And right as he turned right towards the display case, he found her leaning against it with her shoulder, looking bored. "Yes. And now."

How the- PPHIGXUTDUTZUT- HOW DID SHE JUST-

"Parkour." She deadpanned.

Raidyn gave Venetia a long, long look and sighed, striding towards her. Her smirk widened in anticipation as-

He picked her up like a sack of potatoes and tossed her over his shoulder.

"WHAT THE- THIS IS HARASSMENT!!"

"Technically, you cornered me first," he stated matter-of-factly and dropped her on her feet (she looked like a hissy kitten, hmm.) Then proceeding to close the doors at her, he picked up a poster of her (he kept posters of all of them for a day like this. Ah, foreboding luck. He could feel it.) and pinned it onto the front door.

BANNED: VENETIA REDFOX

(Was he even allowed to do that, you might ask, but bah, who cares? Rabid girls are a nationwide threat.)

.................

As he wrapped up and prepared to leave, Raidyn had a niggling feeling he forgot something very, very crucial. Uh-

A body collided onto his own and climbed (I kid you not) him (THE FUCK KIND OF ANIMALS DID MAGNOLIA OWN?) before a tiny, rough hand muffled him. Oh no.

"Yoph kiphing mmph!" Raidyn groaned.

"I need you to teach me how to solve a Rubix Cube."

What. Excuse Raidyn for not knowing, but was Rubix cube some mafia codeword for mafia stuff? Stealing a car, fighting goons, skipping classes or drug dealing? Raidyn Dreyar had a long jail-free life ahead of him, mind you.

BUT SERIOUSLY, SOLVE A RUBIX CUBE?! HOW FRICKING RANDOM WAS THAT?! WHO EVEN TOLD HER HE KNEW HOW TO SOLVE ONE? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THIS GODFORSAKEN TOWN?!!!

(Some might say he really had to stop reading those novels his mom bought. Some might be right. Whatever.)

Back to the topic on hand, he mumbled inaudibly. Her cropped hair tickled the sides of his face as she squinted at him, "What?"

Was she kidding right now? He pointed at her hand covering his mouth and her eyes widened as she let out a nervous laugh. (Geez, talk about stupid.)

He took in a deep breath and shook her off him. She stood there patiently (As patiently as a Redfox could, anyway.) as he straightened his shirt.

"First things first, NO!" And he stalked away.

He registered a groan from behind him and quickened his pace. However, the midget in question managed to propel herself at break-neck speeds and no joke, TACKLED him.

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-"

"GET OFF ME, YOU PSYCHOTIC-"

Karma was such a bitch.

Macao, the guard standing by the parking lot, huffed, "They don't pay me enough for this."

...............

The only reason he was doing this was because she offered to fix up his car. (How did she even know it wasn't starting?) Also because it had been a while since he brushed up on his Rubix skills. Also because he wanted to get rid of the midget before she followed him home. (He figured his mom and dad would ENJOY her presence and replace him with her. He had crazy parents.)

Everyday she'd make sure to meet him (mostly by cornering him in the hallways) and in exchange for these classes, she'd work on his car at the weekend.

The first time she came over to his house (to work on his car, but he didn't know that) was rather embarrassing because he kinda sorta thought she was a burglar and locked his garage, yelling at the top of his lungs. His dad, Laxus came out with a taser (Dad sure loved his tasers.) Of course, when he finally opened the garage doors, he was met with an unimpressed look from the Redfox in question. (God, he was such a drama queen.)

The midget had a lot of trouble twisting her hands at the beginning of her sessions and he loved teasing her about her 'butter fingers' every time she accidentally flung the cube across the room or out the window in one rare occasion.

You know, she was kind of fun to have around.

"And that's the algorithm! You're all done!" He cheered, glad to have this behind him.

"Geez, you don't have to sound that excited to get rid of me." Venetia teased.

"What? No....." He feigned innocence.

"D'aww, admit it, you enjoyed my company."

"Please, more like I was scared for my life." He mumbled. She snorted.

"Catch you later, alligator."

Did she just- "NO WAY, JOŚE!" (That was lame even for him. Gosh dang it, she was laughing at him....)

Fricking Redfox.

......................

That weekend, Raidyn thought he deserved a good ol' evening out with his friends/colleagues (technically it was the manager that suggested it and he tagged along for the heck of it. He wasn't much of a social person, per se.)

He guessed Karma was still on a streak when Venetia Redfox entered the very same place they'd chosen for karaoke night and sat herself on one of the tables in front of them. And proceeded to order nothing.

The raven-head didn't even have her notebook (that always made her look disarmingly tiny) or her phone. Oh well, she must've been waiting for someone.

As the hours passed, he found himself exceedingly irritated for no reason.

"Who in their right mind would stand up The Venetia Redfox?" His colleagues whispered (rather loudly, according to him) and she just tapped her fingers away, oblivious to it all.

Fine, whatever.

"Sup." He towered over her and greeted, moving to take a seat next to her.

She blinked at him.

Okay, you couldn't exactly judge him. She was a regular and tipped good and people were being annoying about her and oh, her tapping was distracting and he had a massive headache coming. That's all. Simple as that.

"Don't you have better shit to do?" Red irises stared at him impassively.

"What are you doing here by yourself?" He asked coolly.

"Well, Nashi was supposed to-"

"I'M HERE! I'M HERE! I'M-" Both tilted their heads just in time to see Nashi ram into the glass doors. The now groaning pinkette was sprawled on her butt in front of the entrance. "Fricking doors."

"That's her." Venetia deadpanned. Raidyn shook his head sympathetically.

"Heyo Ven! Heh, kinda lost track of time beating Frostbite at Mario Kart," her doe eyes scanned him. "Raidyn! I didn't know you guys were friends!" She grinned.

Raidyn gave her a two-finger salute in greeting.

Nashi's eyes suddenly widened in realisation. "YOU'RE TEACHING HER THE RUBIX?!"

"Uh..."

"Yup." Venetia smirked. "He's a great teach. His parents have taken me in as their own."

"WAIT! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS?!"

"Just like that, Blondie. What can I say? It's the charm," She grinned at his bewildered face.

"You guys are all ready for the challenge then?" Nashi wiggled, now nervous, "Ven, I didn't mean to drag you into this, but Clint was-"

"It's cool, dumbass." Venetia shrugged. "Ain't your fault that they're dipshits."

At his confused look, Nashi clarified, "People like picking on us just because we're Fairies and held to the same standards as our parents. This frat dude decided he had to prove he was smarter than the Fairies and decided to pick a Rubix cube challenge of all things." She rolled her eyes. "Bet he taught he was real original thinking that one up."

"Bet he did." Storm scoffed. (Wait, what?)

"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"

"From- the front door?" Storm scratched his head in genuine confusion. (As if Raidyn was the weird one that sneaked up behind people like a stalker!)

Nashi facepalmed. "Why the heck are you here, Frostbite?"

"Just like that."

"Gosh, you're so annoying."

"Wanna say that to my face, Flamebrains?!" Storm yelled. (Oh, not again....)

"Guys, please don't...." Raidyn said, but both didn't seem to be paying attention to him.

"I SAID YOU'RE ANNOYING! FIGHT ME!" She threw a punch at him and before he knew it both were throwing napkin holders and vases at each other.

Venetia seemed to be enjoying the show, and pulled him to the back of the room, "This might take a while," she stated. "Wanna grab a milkshake?"

Well, he was kind of craving one. "Why not?"

..................

Today was the day of Venetia's challenge and Raidyn found himself nervous.

"You sure they won't wreck the place?" He grumbled for the umpteenth time.

Venetia groaned. "Do you have no faith in my abilities, Dreyar?"

"Nope. None whatsoever."

She raised an eyebrow, "Shame on you, then. I wouldn't let a good friend lose his job on my behalf. Dally ho, now!" She cheered.

He blinked at her, giving her a small reluctant smile. "Kick ass, Ven."

She tilted her head toward him and gave him a grin that knocked the breath out of him. "Thanks, Raidyn."

Shit. When did- when did she get so pretty?

"Look who we have here. You sure you're in the right place, Redfox?" A voice condescended. The owner of the voice was a grimy looking kid that looked like one of those middle-school spelling-bee losers that bragged about it whenever they met someone new.

"Clint." Venetia deadpanned.

Raidyn broke out into a fit of laughter, making 'Clint' (What kind of sad name was that?) glare at him. (Oh please, Little Clint was totally quaking in his boots! Why'd he even bother coming?)

"Let's begin then! Pick a shuffler." Clint drawled.

Venetia picked Nashi while Clint, after a moment of deliberation, picked one of his gang-mates (What did they call it? The Math club?)

"You may begin."

Both Nashi and the grimy dude shuffled for the better of 15 seconds. Clint just scoffed and clicked like a pretentious know-it-all, making comments like, "You're making it easier by shuffling harder, you know. Make it tougher for me, Nashi dear."

Raidyn had to give it to the pinkette, he would've smacked the teen by now.

"Okay," the referee, Storm cheered, (even though he looked like he was ready to kill Clint) "Timer starts, NOW!"

Both twisted and turned the cube furiously, Venetia sticking her tongue out in concentration while the teen twisted his arms like a man possessed.

"I'M DONE!" Venetia dropped the cube with a thud onto the table. "How's that for a Redfox?"

"E-excuse me? That's insane! It's only been," Clint checked the timer like the sore loser he was, "31 seconds!"

"Too bad," she smirked. (Well shit, that was hot...)

"I demand a rematch!"

Nashi moved to protest, but Venetia silenced her with a hand, "Whatever you say, kid..."

"This time, we swap cubes!" He whined like the little weasel he was.

3 minutes later, the rematch began and Venetia plopped her cube on the table with a glare.

"You think you're smart giving me a faulty cube, don't you?"

"And I'm done!" The weasel had the nerve to say. "I don't know what you're talking about Venetia, I used the same cube and it worked just fine. Maybe it was a stroke of luck on your part the first tim-"

He couldn't finish his tirade because Raidyn took that opportunity to check the cube (He didn't have to though, he believed Venetia enough to know she wouldn't make up excuses.) and yeeted it at his face like he'd been itching to do from the moment he saw the turd.

"YOU IDIOT! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS-"

"GET HIM!"

"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Nashi growled, "I'M ALL FIRED UP NOW!"

Oh dear.

Okay, maybe the fight wouldn't get too big, these were scrawny kids after a-

Yeah, Nashi Dragneel just flipped a table on them.

There goes his job.

"GO, NASHI!" His manager cheered. (Okay, thank God this town was crazy.) "Raidyn! You can take the day off, kid. Have fun!"

Storm chose that moment to enter after his momentary toilet-break. "I WAS GONE FOR 3 MINUTES, WOMAN! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"JOIN US, STRIPPER!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

"YOU HEARD ME!"

Venetia, unbothered by the chaos behind her, pulled him by the arm, her eyebrows furrowed at him, "Well, I tried. But hey, looks like you still have your job. That's a win, right?" She scratched her neck, laughing.

He sighed, putting caution to the wind. This was Ven after all. "Ice-cream date? My treat for today's win."

A smile erupted on her face, "Only if we take my bike there."

.............

Bonus (That no one asked for):

"Okay, so you have to grip it right. Not too tight. Just enough to nudge it in the right direction." Venetia explained, from where she was seated in front of him on the death tra- bike.

Raidyn nervously laughed, "I've got this in the bag, I don't know what you're worried about." The tilt in his voice gave away his panic, however. She raised an eyebrow.

"Humor me then."

Okay.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

GO!!

"DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES, YOU IDIOT!!" Venetia screeched. She reached over and took over the handlebars just in time as they nearly crashed into a tree Raidyn was headed for.

He got off the bike and tripped, falling face-first on the ground. Fricking Jelly-legs. "I am never riding that death trap again." Raidyn groaned.

"What the heck?!" Venetia questioned, bewildered. "How'd you even get your driver's ed with such sucky basics?"

"IT'S A DEATH TRAP, THAT'S WHY!!"

"OF COURSE IT'S A DEATH TRAP IF YOU'RE NOT LOOKING WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!!!"

"Fight me Ven, I'm never getting on that thing again!"

"Too bad, I have to drop you back home too." The sneaky devil dared smirk at his plight.

Fricking Karma.

He wouldn't have it any other way, though.

.............

[notwhoiwanttobeyet]

tumblr journal [1]

NOTE: hi pLeasE don’t read this. this is just a way of coping with my mental illnesses. this is completely unedited, highly personal and i stRonGLy advise you look away. i hope you’re having a good day! happy holidays :)

also don’t mind the spotify links along the way; just some songs i almost or did cry to while writing this 

tw: suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, (breast) cancer

hey tumblr, 

it’s been a while since i’ve really vented. a lot of us use tumblr as a copying mechanism (me included) and i think it’s important i evaluate my current situation and break things down. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/1WVunZLZM2zLTm5rAvKZkF?si=a94u_JAsRX2VCWOD6z4l-Q

exam season is over; i’m on summer break. and that’s great. no more school. no more exams and assignments and testing and all that FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT THE SYSTEM PUTS US THROUGH. i’m sorry, i’m trying to stay calm but it’s so fuckiNg hard. i’m literally going to cry i- so yeah, as we know, towards the end of the year school fucked me over and i really, reaLLY, REALLY wanted to die. so when school finished i was like “oh i must be all good now, right?” but i wasn’t. i was left feeling so numb, to be completely honest (and cliche).  

then i got sick which was soooo fucked. apparently a lot of people who went to our small friend kris kringle gathering got sick which sucks but because i spent so much of this year in isolation, i forgot what it felt like to be sick and oh bOY it fucking sucked. i over exaggerated because i’m sensitive and wanted to die. i was sick for like a week and my parents quarantined me because my mum is recovering from a breast cancer surgery and couldn’t afford to get sick so i was like locked in my room- on my own- which yeah, i do anyway but this felt sooo different. this felt like, completely fuckEd because my parents were wearing masks around the house and would leave food in my doorway, etc. i felt like a complete MONSTER to the people i love. i also obviously couldn’t hug them or anything, leaving me touch starved and ugh- it just wasn’t a great experience. 

also my mum is recovering fine and stuff but it’s an emotional fucking time for everyone and i’m so stupid i haven’t told anyone about my mum being sick and all. like people don’t ask why i’m acting up because i’m ALWAYS acting up. i’m always sensitive and angry and having mood swings. that’s just me, being mentally ill. so no one asks why i’m worried. my mum has/had BREAST CANCER- brooo. she’s had one surgery which went well and will most likely have to have chemo and/or radiation in the coming year. we get the results back after christmas. so that’s a thing. 

i have a secure group of friends which i’ve always wanted, but it doesn’t feel right. it never feels right. like today the three of us went shopping and THEY WENT CRAZY- i was so stressed and had literally like 6 different mental breakdowns in the 2 hours we were out. they were bumping into people, running around, trying on every item of clothing ironically in every store. that shit stresses me out. and there’s nothing wrong with that- they’re good people and they’re not doing anything wrong really - it’s just normal teenage stuff. but i’m note normal, i’m super anxious and everyone was looking at us and it made me sooo uncomfortable. like- i could elaborate more but thinking about it hurts. i felt like i was their mum or something, shepherding them around and making sure they didn’t break anything else. they- UGH// they broke a perfume bottle and rudely ran away from a teacher i have a good reputation with. like i said, they’re just normal teenagers but it fucks me up. it’s not them, it’s me. on the bright side i saw this same lesbian couple i saw the other day again :) i never see wlw or mlm couples in public really so it makes me soo happy when i see them :) i also saw this girl in an unnus annus hoodie and i was gonna say something but i’m too *anxious* so i just stared at her until she looked at me weirdly and i ran out of the store. oH and there was a girl in an mcr shirt ahh-- she was really pretty but i was too busy running it was a whole thing like my mum was coming to pick me up and i had 10 minutes so i ran up from one end of the mall to the other and then upstairs to this store to but this fucking wonderwomen shirt and then i had to run all the way back and i’m not the most athletic to say the least and i wanted to CRY but yeah. what did i learn today? people aren’t for me. friends aren’t for me. and again i know i’m built to be alone. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/7wTqEW5nrMhvyEhEyTnOMd?si=ata2BwOPQji3twov9wTZWg

i’m really thirsty. ew not like tha- i fucking hate society

cinnamon rolls not gender rolls. wait my friend got that on a poster let me see if i can find it,,,

yeah here it is ^^^^

also: my hair. i’m so happy having it the length it is but mAn i just- i just- i hate myself lol. like i don’t know what else to say. i think i’m ugly and every time i look in the mirror i want to cry, and it’s going to be like that forever so i need to just except that. i am ugly, i hate myself. like- bro come on. it’s been like this forever and it’s going to continue to be like this forever so i need to stop fucking crying over it.

https://open.spotify.com/track/05JtBVWRtSzqLoj7jj30kn?si=30W4pt7dT8G3cbzaUMqldw

oh my god this song i’m about to cry. this is what i want. why can’t i just be- not me!!! 

these past few days i’ve literally been playing minecraft bed wars all day. like all day. and it was okay but now my eyes hurt and my head hurts and my hands hurt and i hate myself and everything hurts. 

also- music doesn’t feel right. it’s been like this for a while now, it’s getting better though. before i couldn’t listen to any music at all - now i’ve been listening to kid krow on repeat : ) 

god bless you, conan. my number one song currently is *cough* E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE (which they are btw) which is- fucking terrifying and funny at the same time. i genuinely like CORPSE though- i’ve watched every among us stream and i love his songs- in the past i would have considered myself a simp (?) maybe (?) but i had a nightmare about it and i can’t awifjisenf simp no more. i still appreciate him, i just- had an awakening. 

sexuality crises also suck a whole bunch. there was a 1-2 day phase a few weeks ago where i was low key PRAYING to be a lesbian lmfao. like it sounds stupid but i was crying over that shit. background info: no i’m not one of those straight girls, i’m a bisexual female who’s almost a full on raging homosexual except i am attracted to men. and i wish i wasn’t, believe me when i say that. but i have realised i am bi so it’s okay. i thought i was a lesbian and awilfjnawr labels but no, i am slightly attracted to men sometimes. but to answer your question if i am lucky enough my future wife and i will be married and living in a cottage. 

ugh. life. bru h i’m actually a train wreck- i had an anxiety attack crying trying to find my childhood tinkerbelle and friends dolls the other night. and then to make matters worse, i found them in a box with a whole bunch of other dolls in the same box including StRawBerrY ShoRtCaKe doLLs and i smelt my stawberry shortcake doll hesitantly while crying and she still smelled like her strawberry scent and i was DEAD. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/1F6IbA7di42uPc3cff8PXV?si=COKcG_UbQh-GhKYJ5vtIgg

ugh. so this has been my update so far. oh wait-

christmas. holy shit how is it christmas. i want dEatH like. reasons why i’m sad for christmas: it doesn’t feel like christmas so i feel like i’m not going to enjoy it, i’ve had no motivation to clean my room so the contents of my wardrobe is all over my floor because i was mid resorting the drawers when i got sick, i’ve wanted to ask for doc martens and my chemicals romance + other artists’ merch all year but i have SEVERE ANXIETY so of course i didn’t and now my parents have gone and bought me a new phone or something which of course i’m grateful for but my iphone 6s works just fine. it’s a waste of money which we need at the moment but because i’m too anxious i didn’t ask for anything this year so my parents have just chosen to spoil me and- aW SHIT! i can’t=

anyway so that’s my bullcrap life. i mean my bullshit rant. am i glad i did this? yes. do i feel any better? kinDa? i don’t know okay. what am i going to do now? i don’t know. probably lie on the floor and drown in self pity in hopes of melting into the abyss. i might read my book which i’ve yet to finish. maybe reading can be my knew things, seeing as i have zero hobbies. i read like once in a blue moon.

this is it for now, good luck, future me. 

sincerely, 

jordan ♡

https://open.spotify.com/track/7B3z0ySL9Rr0XvZEAjWZzM?si=HyWPKutjRTuPumafim7_Vw

[gallaghersgal]

Fanfic asks: #1, #7, #13, #22, #24, #29, #35, #47, #48 :))) I love your writing

omg anon tysm 💕💞💖💕❤💗💗💞💕

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? Well the first fandomy things I read were Harry Potter and then pjo/hoo stuff, but then I didnt really get involved in a fandom until I became obsessed with Dear Evan Hansen and Newsies, and, well, now I'm here!

7. List your NOTPs from each fandom you've been in.

Harry Potter: Harry/Ron

Pjo/hoo/all that: Percy/literally anyone other than Annabeth. They're my babies and I love them. I'm sure there are others but its been so long since I read those lol

Hamilton: literally everything that isnt "canon" bc its history and I'm a history nerd, so I just can't ship that stuff

Dear Evan Hansen: I'm not super opposed to it, but I just dont really ship Alana with anyone, I hc that she's on the ace/aro spectrum

Newsies: I dont hate them, but I'm not a fan of Jack/Spot, Race/Jack and Race/Kath... Tbh I'm pretty plain and boring for newsies, I stick mostly with the more common pairings, with a few rarepairs (unrelated but hhhh do y'all remember when ralbert was a rarepair ahbsnaj my baby boys theyve grown so much

Supernatural: Sam/Dean. Its literally incest y'all are fucking insane. No apologies. Also Cas/Meg bc Twist and Shout traumatized me.

Marvel: STONY!!! Idk why y'all, i just do. not. ship it. But I can see where people are coming from so I guess its not exactly a NOTP... Anyway others are thor/loki, thor/valkyrie tony/rhodey, thats about it

Star wars: r*ylo. luke×leia. kylo×anyone. I'm pretty sure anything else is fair game tbh, its space and everyone is queer, let them have their fun

Psych: Shawn/Gus, Shawn/Lassiter, Lassiter/Juliet. Yes, I hc Shawn as bi, but that doesnt mean I ship him w/ any of the guys in the show... Shawn and Juliet are soulmates. Period.

13. Any NoTPs? Anon, sweet baby ily, you either picked random numbers or accidentally said both of these... Either way its the thought that counts babe <3

22. Is there anything you regret writing? Ugh yes I had this Stucky fic where Steve was a tiny asthmatic dude just living his life and Bucky was the strong one armed contractor that was fixing his deck and there was super weird sexual tension and it was badly written. I have since deleted it from ao3, my fic doc, and my memory. It lives on within the depths of the mind of my bestie/beta reader/editor/confidant/number one supporter @thelazyhero-ttums who read it and was the one who made me realize how terrible it was. It was a rude awakening but im glad I had it bc it made me the writer I am today lmao

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit? Hshsjajs RIGHT AND RECONCILIATION!!! Right and Reconciliation are the first two newsies fics I ever wrote. The plot is solid and could be great if I just rewrote it... My aforementioned bestie is the leader (and sole member) of the Rewrite Right and Reconciliation crusade but tbh I don't think ill ever rewrite them unless theres a college assignment thats like Rewrite Something You Wrote In Middle School Even Though You Hate It

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not? I don't have an official beta reader, but between running things by @natthemess, my bestie from before, my friend missa, usually about 80% of every fic I post has been read before I post it bc I thrive on,the validation of my friends

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about? Okay so by technical definition a drabble is 100 words or less, but I consider everything under like 750 to be a drabble, so by those rules yes I write drabbles. I actually have a series of Assorted Newsies Drabbles on my ao3, and I mostly write them about fluffy stuff, a lot of soft cuddly morning fics, little projections of things I'm feeling if ive had a particularly bad day/strong emotion stuff like that

47. Archive, fanfic.net or Tumblr: which do you prefer to post and why? Archive and Tumblr. Archive bc its the Superior Fanfic Site, and tumblr bc I feel like it boosts my platform. Also yes, I shamelessly linked my ao3 up there in the question, check it out if you like :P

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why? Yes. Yes! YES!!! Why, you ask? Because I am an author and I know how it feels to have 600 hits, 100 odd kudos and 12 comments (including your own replies to comments.) It just hurts a lot knowing literally only 1% of people took the time to comment. Literally all it takes is a "I loved this! Great writing!!" Or a "HAHAJSHAJJSHS BABIE,BABIES BABIEST ILY" that shit makes my day.

[whatadaze]

oh anne,

okay so i started this show after fifty years of seeing it float around here on tumblr and one of my closest friends grew up reading the books so i was familiar with the story. couple days ago i was looking for a new show to watch and was like “okie i’m going to start anne” and i’m so glad i did! i have to admit, the first episode was really long (but understandably) and i sort of let it play in the background while i unpacked. i found anne a bit annoying at first but after the second episode i was like, you know what? this little girl is INSPIRING. 

so here’s my hot take (that no one asked for lol)

**possible spoilers ahead**

anne CLEARLY has issues with anxiety, ptsd, and even some bits of mania, but the thing is, she doesn’t let that hinder her. she had such a horrible upbringing but learned to console herself with books and her imagination. it sounds a bit childish but if you really take the time to look at it, it’s quite beautiful. she was able to create something so wonderful despite her less than wonderful circumstances. she never uses her past as an excuse for anything and just views it as something that happened to her and led her to where she is now. 

and oh my goodness, the family dynamic between marilla, matthew, and anne! seriously one of the best television relationships i have ever seen. i love how cold and expressionless marilla is at first but she is one of the kindest, warmest characters i’ve ever seen. she doesn’t let anne get away with anything but does it reasonably and out of love. matthew is such a softie when it comes to anne, but he is just an overall softie towards everyone and i love that. anne just has that effect on everyone she meets because she is truly out of this world. which leads me to...GILBERT.

wow, what a cutie. i know it might seem weird to root for a couple that is so young, but just knowing that they do in fact end up together in the future makes this whole thing even more worthwhile. he is just so intrigued with her from the very beginning and i mean, i can understand why. anne is just so different from the other girls and really turns the town of avonlea upside down (in the best way!). and man, the way gilbert stares at her and challenges her and even the way he teases her is just so adorable. their relationship is so pure and they match each other so well! i’m so excited to see their relationship grows and watch them fall in ~lOvE~ 

now, the friendships on this show are amazing! if you know me at all, you know i’m a sucker for strong girl friendships. i’m sick of seeing girls pitting against one another, and i’m glad that for the most part, the girls on this show support and love one another! daina is the cutest and purest bean and i was hoping she wouldn’t be a stuck up rich girl when she was first introduced. (i’m glad i was wrong 2.5 seconds later!) she is EXACTLY what anne needs since she has never had a true friend and i’m so glad that she is there to support her and encourages her imagination and (sometimes) wild thoughts! ruby was a bit harder to warm up to but you know what? she is just a bit ignorant and i’m glad she has diana and anne to tell her what’s right + wrong. i think ruby has good intentions and she means well, and she is just such a cutie. i really couldn’t nOT like her, you know? and ugh, the rest of anne’s friends are super cute as well and i just love how anne brings her imagination and creative storytelling to the school + help stir up the rest of the kids’ imaginations as well. 

another thing i’m gonna touch base on is the topic of family. ugh, i love how this show teaches its viewers that family can be chosen as much as it is assigned by blood. and that sometimes, the ties that we choose to MAKE are often the strongest. of course, the main example would be the cuthberts. they are the least traditional family to say the least, with marilla and matthew never have begin married and anne being an adopted orphan, but their family dynamic is one of (if not THE) strongest bonds on the show. and i love them so much and want to protect them forever and ever!!! another example seen is at the end of season 2 with cole. he is such a talented, amazing kid but you can clearly see how depressed and out of place he feels with his own family. he can’t be his truest self and that really hinders him from being his BEST self. i’m so glad that he decided to live with Aunt Josephine at the end and CHOSE his family. HE CHOSE WHAT WAS BEST FOR HIM. lkajdflkjas 

and omg, i’m so glad aunt josephine played such a big role this season with all of the children. man, i aspire to be her. she is such a good influence on the children and i am really looking forward to learning more about her and her backstory! 

now i’m going to take a second to just rant a bit about the “antagonists” of this story. first off, MR PHILLIPS. i know this show is set in the 1800s but i COULD not handle the whole mr phillips x prissy thing. i know it was deemed “acceptable” back then but something about it always seemed disingenuous and wrong. (we learn later exactly why....) but man, the way he just took out his own internalized homophobia and anger at cole was just...IT WAS SNAPE LEVEL (AND THAT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT WHATSOEVER). for an adult to lash out on a child is never acceptable and lkajsflkd it just angered me so much. 

and bILLY OMG is every evil character just named billy? jesus, i could not stand that kid. he was truly a punkass for no real reason. (not that having a reason would’ve justified it) but i’m glad that cole still apologized to him and told him to think about why he destroys the things he does. and MAYBE that scene with the fox is hinting at a redemption arc of sorts in s3? i hope so...bc i’m sick of him pushing everyone around and calling everyone BUD. THEY ARE NOT YOUR BUD, BUD. 

ok last thing

when you think about the fact that this show is a children’s show, it makes the whole show even MORE amazing and out of this world. they tackle subjects such as feminism, mental illness, homophobia, racism, sexuality, bullying, and encourages kindness, imagination, reading, learning, and friendship. you might be thinking, “ugh this show is just trying to push its own liberal agenda” um excuse you, it is NOT. they don’t force it down your throat and are able to incorporate these topics in a natural, fitting way. it doesn’t stray from the storyline and fits really well into each episode. 

ALRIGHTY so that’s enough of extra shan for now

i’m so excited for season 3 and even though it’s airing in Canada first, i am willing to wait because this show deserves all the OFFICIAL views !!! 

i’ll try to avoid spoilers till then...

(random sidenote: i really wanna gif this show but have no idea where i can download the episodes...help...ajlfksdjla) 

ok toooooodles

[thrashton]

Soaring light (chapter 1)

thank you for your lovely comments and messages for the prologue!! here’s the first chapter!

Name: Soaring Light

Fandom: Skam france

Pairing: Lucas Lallemant/Eliott Demaury

Tags: assassin!au, falling in love, angst, hurt/comfort

Summary: Do not get attached, do not waste time, do not engage in any physical contact… The list of rules were long, but Lucas had never been the one to follow orders. In fact, he might have broken all of them in just a week, all because of the piercing blue eyes staring at him from the assignment in his hands, and the charming, mysterious boy they belonged to.

Chapter summary: Lucas tries to be very subtle as he online-stalks Eliott. It doesn’t go too well.

——--

(prologue can be found at the soaring-light tag at my blog, just click on the tag on this post. tumblr don't wanna show my post in the search tag if I put in links... and on ao3 with the username thetimeisnow)

CHAPTER ONE Why were storms a thing? Who invited storms? Lucas was going to find out and kick his ass. It was stupid, the rain covering his sight was stupid. The way he can’t see in front of the road he’s driving on was stupid.

The whole day was stupid.

Lucas had spent five hours trying find Eliott Demoury, but there was no one at his apartment, no one at his registered working place and no one at his two favorite coffee shops. He had googled his name and regretted it in a second, because dousins - no, hundreds - of model photos of the perfectly sculptured face and the piercing deep blue eyes stared back at him and Lucas had let his laptop fall close with a groan.

He can’t be attracted to his assignment to kill. Well, technically, he could. It wasn’t in the rules. The contract just said he wasn’t allowed any physical contact with his targets, mostly to hide all traces of DNA. And to make sure he didn’t get attached, which was another rule. Well fuck him, just the picture of this man got his knees weak.

Lucas hesitated a moment, then sent a text.

-

To: Manon D.

Change?

-

Change of contract, that meant. Manon would know that. In their work of line you had to keep yourself short and never, absolutely never, give out any information over the phone. Especially not their private phone. Lucas knew he’d most likely get his brains blown out if he said too much and he would never risk one of his closest friends and colleagues life as well. His phone buzzed. Manon, quick with a response as always.

-

From: Manon D.

No thanks, got my dream man ;)

-

To: Manon D.

Ugh. Fine. Drinks tonight?

-

From: Manon D.

That’s a yes, thanks. I’ll tell Mika and Emma. See you at 8?

-

To: Manon D.

Lol, sure. Bringing the boys if they’re up. See you, sunshine.

-

From: Manon D.

Dickhead.

-

Lucas rolled his eyes. His ever the lovely friend and colleague, Manon. They had worked in the same business for two years before they realised they were both carrying the same burden. They had been on the same funeral, a funeral for an older man whose two sons were the target of Manon, and his new wife was assigned to Lucas. He remembered it like it was yesterday as they stood gaping, staring at each other in the church when the priest did his thing.

A smile appeared on his lips at the memory. Back then, it had been the shock of his life but now it was a fun thing to remind him how small the world was. They were going to meet at their usual bar, and Lucas had actually seen a few pictures of the blue eyed God in just that bar when he googled his name, so maybe his luck would turn tonight. He could use that as an excuse to get pissed drunk.

Perfect. Just what he needed.

He parked his car exceptionally well considering the storm raging outside. It was only 6pm, but the sky was pitched black. He gave the car window a good, long stare before he forced himself to get the door open. The few meters from the car to the door of the building he lived in felt like a mile and his clothes was drenched in rain as he stumbled inside, muttering angrily to himself.

Stupid ass weather. He was going to kick its ass.

His older neighbour greeted him from the stairs and Lucas threw up his hand in a reply, he didn’t really feel like speaking until he was in comfortable, warm, dry clothes. And a beer in his hand. Maybe a joint between his lips. Ah. Perfect.

Pulling on his sweatpants like his life depended on it, he hurried towards his bed. Where the magic happens, as his best friend Yann dramatically put it when he visited Lucas new apartment for the first time. Well, where his hand happened. Or, another correction, where his hand was supposed to happen. But how no matter how much he tried, what type of porn he put on, he couldn’t get those stupid fucking blue eyes out of his head long enough to concentrate on jerking off, and there was no way he was going to pleasure himself thinking of his next assignment to kill.

Fucking hell.

Eliott really got the best of him. He needed to get rid of this guy fast, so he could get back to his normal routines, so his body could see some hot, big tits chick on his phone screen and think that’s hot! and not but it’s not him. How was this even possible? He hadn’t even met the guy!

In conclusion, his visit to the bed was unsuccessful. Lucas groaned loudly, burying his face in his pillow. He couldn’t wait to get drunk. A week from now Eliott would be dead and Lucas would be rich and he’d get the fuck out of Paris. He’d bring Yann, Basile and Arthur and they’d go to Amsterdam, or something. Find a nice penthouse apartment where they could throw the best parties in Netherlands, bring the best people and smoke a ridiculous amount of weed.

Lucas phone rang. He glanced over at the screen the name of his best friend staring back at him. Yann would know if he ignored him, that guy could read him like a book.

“Yep”, he answered as he put the phone to his ear.

“We going out tonight?”

“Uh-uh. Manon, Mika and Emma too.”

Yann went quiet for a moment. “Emma?”

“Dude. It was years ago, pull it together.” He gave out a light chuckle.

“Fine”, Yann sighed loudly, “only so you get get your lonely ass out there.”

Lucas laughed at him and got up to a sitting position on his bed. “Do you know a Eliott Demuary?” he asked. That wouldn’t hurt, Yann didn’t know he did for a living. Lucas wanted to tell him badly, but he wasn’t going to risk his best friend’s life only to have someone to talk murder with, that would be dumb. Yann wasn’t stupid though, and Lucas suspected he had a slight suspicion of what he did during his days; not that he’d ever tell him, or that Yann would ever get it confirmed.

“Of course”, Yann replied and Lucas almost choked on his own spit.

Okay. That wasn’t the answer he expected at all. It took a few moment for him to pull himself back together and hide the sudden excitement in his voice as he tried to sound as carefree as possible. “Aha”, he said and shrugged, “how’s that?”

“Why are you asking?” Yann was hesitating.

Fuck. Maybe he didn’t sound as carefree as he thought. “You know, just saw a picture of him.”

“Yeah, he went to our school…”

Lucas frowned. “What? No?”

He imagined Yann nodding from the other line. “Yeah, he did. Literature, I think, not sure. Don’t you remember, everyone was talking about him?”

Lucas did definitely not remember, because there was no way he could forget a face like that. “Are you for real?”

“Yeah!” Yann exclaimed, “are you? Ladies were fighting to get into his pants.”

“Shit.” How did he manage to miss this? Lucas shook his head, no, it didn’t matter. Now he had a way in to complete his assignment and he should be very happy for that since Eliott apparently didn’t want to be found. “Cool. Awesome. Nice. I mean, have you met him recently?”

Yann was silent for a moment. “Are you crushing on Demuary?”

Lucas gasped. “Excuse me? I am not!”

“I don’t blame you. He’s hot and- Oh, sorry, forgot you’re still hiding in the closet.”

Lucas pouted and wished Yann was standing in front of him so he could shove a middle finger up his face. Yann knew he was - or maybe was? He wasn’t really sure himself - gay. A little gay. Just a tiny little bit. Like, dick is nice and all and titties isn’t as nice. Which, in conclusion meant; a little gay. “Unfair”, he told him, “was just asking.”

He could hear Yann moving around. “Well, haven’t met him in a while but I’ve seen him in town a few times. Seriously Lu-Lu, you didn’t know he went to our school?”

“I didn’t, I swear! I wouldn’t forget a face like that. I mean, Yann, have you seen him?”

His best friend laughed. “Yeah, I have. How about you spend some time crying over a picture of Eliott and I come over with some beer?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Great. I’ll be over in 45.”

Lucas ended the call without saying good bye. He had no time to waste when he only had 45 minutes to google some more information about this mysterious man, who apparently went to their school. Did that mean Eliott knew who he was? No, that would be impossible. If he hadn’t seen Eliott, Eliott hadn’t seen him.

He found an instagram account. With a stupid fucking riddle to solve. It took Lucas longer than he chose to admit to figure out the name of Eliott’s second account, but when he did; it was absolutely worth it. A majority of his posts were black and white art. It looked like doodles but there was real talent behind it.

Too bad he was going to kill the guy, he would really want to hear the stories about the numerous posts of raccoons. A short video caught his attention; Eliott in a black hoodie, staring into the camera with his lips pressed together and his hair in a soft mess on his head. He zoomed slowly until there was nothing else than his left eye covering the screen. Lucas found himself sighing, feeling like an absolute jerk about having to end this, clearly well liked and talented young man’s life.

Most of Lucas’ targets were old men. Rapists, embezzlement criminals or other scandals more often than not involving money. He’d never really felt bad about killing them, a lot of them deserved to die. Lucas never stayed to see if his job was finished after poisoning his targets; he learned early on that it was way easier to get caught that way. Instead, he showed up a few days later, or watched the news if his target was someone famous or well-known.

But Eliott. He couldn’t believe this man had done anything to deserve to die. 50k was a lot of money and the higher the prize, the worse the crime. That’s how it usually went, anyways.

And in that moment, trying to pause the video just when Eliott zoomed in on his eyes, Lucas fucked up. He liked the video. Panicking, he yelped, a high pitched noise he’d be embarrassed to even try to describe, and got up from his bed fast enough to make his vision blur. As a first reaction his brain thought of the brilliant idea to throw the phone away from him to keep him from making more mistakes, but then he realised that shit, he need to unlike the video before Eliott noticed. He stumbled after the phone, tripping over a shirt on the floor and hit his toe in the foot of the bed at the same time. Ignoring the pain radiating through his body, he reached over the bed in panic and clicked on the red heard so fast and intensely that he accidentally disliked and liked it again.

Lucas wanted to scream. With an surprisingly steady hand, he finally managed to to unlike the video and sank down on the floor with a loud groan of disappointment. Shit. What the hell. Being subtle wasn’t his best personality trait, obviously.

Eliott had a lot of followers, someone liking his video wouldn’t matter, right? That was, of course, if his theory that Eliott didn’t know who he was, was correct. Lucas considered blocking him but quickly threw that idea aside; the video was worth seeing a few more times.

The doorbell rang. Yann. Had it been 45 minutes already? Apparently it had, because Yann was standing with a big grin and beer in both hands as Lucas opened the door, still sweaty and his heart beating like crazy in his chest.

“You look like you just ran a marathon. Which I know you wouldn’t.”

“Fuck you”, Lucas smirked at him, giving him a helping hand with the beer. “I accidentally liked one of Eliott Demaury’s posts on instagram. It was stressful.”

Yann let out a snort. “When he sees it, he’ll show up with flowers and a ring and propose right here, I’m calling it.”

“I unliked it. And liked it again. And then unliked it again.”

“Even I am slightly embarrassed for you now”, Yann laughed, “let’s drink to forget about it.”

Lucas smirk grew, it sounded like a good plan. Little did he know, forget about  it was the least he would do that night.

[sluttyten]

Right, I can already tell this ask is gonna have parts so Part 1. So first- I’ve known of your blog for a while but visual smut wasn’t my thing since I’m super picky about it, like literally to an EXTENT. And anywways my point w/ that is, I’ve always known of you like you were always there when I search the tags and stuff lol. But tbh ever since the ban I haven’t seen your posts in the tags and I started to forget about you. Second, around nye especially, I just get super sentimental and

Part 2. I start to think a lot about my growth and how I was in the past, basically ever since I started uni I only read textbooks and readings and I haven’t read anything for fun since I was like 15 or something. Anyways so I was thinking about how I wanna get back into reading again, and tonight I log into Tumblr... I always read little short reactions and stuff but nothing longer really ever pulls me in. Until tonight, my god, okay I literally don’t know how to begin I have so many things

Part 3. I wanna say about this Jungwoo vampire fic that came up in Jungwoos tag. I was like ‘oh hey it’s sluttyten and WOW they’re back in the tags good for them’ lmao. So I read your note on part two warning on its length and I’m like... new year new me I’m try this bitch out! I’m so glad I did like 🤪🤪🤪 How the fuck do I fucken speak about your writing like literally I don’t give a shit about supernatural themes usually but I was balls deep in this fic and now it’s fuckign 2:29am

Part 4. where I am and I had to take a break and went for a shower and now I’m strapping myself in for the final part. SPOILER: I welled up like, literally held back tears when (censored for people who haven’t read it yet), and I cant fucking believe that I’m crying about fiction this hasn’t happened in so long uGH 😭 I LOVE TENS CHARACTER IN THIS FIC can I just say!!! Idk if I’m ready for this final section but I literally couldn’t wait to tell you any sooner so... I just want to appreciate you and thank you 💖

Part 5 (final) And just as I was talking about nye the last section is about nye... GET OUT 😂 Mate, listen here, I began reading from part 1 at about midnight id say? It’s 3:15am now so I learned I totally lost my reading speed lol, but also that I’ve been reading for like 3 hours and loved every second of it and honestly your writing is so good idek what or how I can write to express how much I loved reading this fic but just know, I’m so thankful and you’re phenomenal 💝😭

I’m so glad you’ve decided to get back into reading! I was the same as you where throughout my time at college I didn’t really get much time to read books that I wanted to read it was all textbooks and assigned readings, so last year at the start of the year I decided to start reading more too. And the fact you sent me a message in five parts tells me how much you liked the fic so I’m really really really happy you liked it 💗

[popesona]

people who throw the word transtrender left and right and claim that people are all faking whatever to gain snowflake points unless they have debilitating and obvious dysphoria aren’t helpful lol you can point out that cis women can feel dysphoria because womanhood is a scam and that not feeling totally comfortable with femininity doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a trans boy or non-binary without being Like This because being Like This just makes people who are questioning and unsure and unable to fully identify dysphoria feel even worse, as if we chose to go through this fuckery because it’s fun and games and we’ll receive cookies from The Woke Elite

at least for me, gender questioning isn’t an enjoyable experience. i didn’t even begin questioning my gender because i was immersed in gender/trans discourse or because i was stereotypically masculine and this made me think “oh maybe i’m non-binary/a boy” i’ve never been masculine, i wasn’t that immersed into this discourse and when i saw things about it, it didn’t personally resonate with me, i never was like “oh being trans is special/cool/interesting i wonder how it’s like” or whatever, shit just happened. i started looking at androgynous people/androgynous clothing, especially androgynous men, and being like HM I WISH I LOOKED LIKE THAT, when people would [acknowledge something associated with men in me] i’d be weirdly glad and felt some anxiety/distress over it but mostly i brushed it off because who cares

then months later i got increasingly more agitated about my looks but not specifically about my sex characteristics and then i started presenting more masc and suddenly my self-esteem was better than it had ever been before, but it was still shitty and when i walked on the streets i’d feel [ugh] knowing people would read me as a tomboy instead of a feminine boy and from that it just spiralled down, i had to tell someone because i was having dreams about this often and feeling great amounts of anxiety and guilt and shame

communicating this/exploring what i was feeling led to zero cookies, it just led to putting my relationship at risk, a lot of distress over meeting guys on tinder who thought i was a guy and having to be like “so..”, my aunt being like why do you want to wear men’s clothes and shit like that, and it’s not fun to have this like a cloud hovering over my head plus the emotionally stunting “BUT MAYBE IM MANUFACTURING ALL OF THIS FOR ATTENTION AND SNOWFLAKE POINTS AND IM A TRANSTRENDER OR WANTING TO ESCAPE OPPRESSION OR I JUST HAVE REALLY FUCKING SHITTY SELF-ESTEEM MAYBE I’M INVENTING A REASON TO SUFFER BECAUSE I’M A BYRONIC SELF-ABSORBED PIECE OF SHIT”

even though what the fuck would i gain from this. i’m hesitant to even post about this here. i’m hesitant about talking about this with my therapist and with my closest friend who supported me. i have no other active social media, i’m irrelevant/not participative on tumblr to gain any validation among groups who are affirming towards trans people, my friends are cishet as fuck, unaware/dismissive of most of the discourse that happens here about the specifics of lgbt people, i’m not involved in any lgbt groups irl, people on dating apps are weird as fuck with this, my family would snap and pastors would be coming to my house trying to pray for me, what the fuck could i gain with this dfjytioopktlçfdglyok

and how i’ve said in the beginning i know full well that discomfort with gender related stuff can come from not only being trans and that a lot of cis women might feel like they’re not quite women because they don’t fit a stereotypical role, because they’re not pretty like the standard, because they’re gnc, or that dysphoria can overlap with body dysmorphia or shitty self-esteem or dude whatever, everything can happen

but i don’t even feel a disconnection with a lot of the roles i was assigned as a woman. the most disconnection i feel is with being soft and pretty and angelical because i feel like an ugly cavernous goblin even when i’m technically being pretty, but overall im what you’d call feminine. i think girly clothes are cute, my mannerisms are feminine, my tastes and traits are stereotypical, i’m more emotional and passive and i relate to hysterical woman in fiction but still when i think about people perceiving and treating me as a boy, not being able to tell i was born with a pussy and about having the physical traits cis men have (not all of them though and this is another source of AM I FAKING IT) i feel ‘yes id like this’ and it’s a Big Oof. this happened overnight as fuck so i’m still not being able to process and accept this

also i know that to others i’m more beautiful when i look like a gender-conforming cis girl, still my self-esteem only improved significantly without needing external approval when i started looking more like a boy. i look at some of my girly photos and i can be like “ok im pretty in this” but the ones i like the most are my looking-like-a-boy photos even if others would disagree that they are better 

plus i hate m*n and when the questioning arised, even if very vaguely i was like LOL NOPE NO WAY I CAN RELATE TO THIS CATEGORY OF SCUM ON ANY LEVEL so i’d have to come to terms with that and i’m not ready TRRJIGHFKJG

[scuzmunkie]

Love is Blind: Chapter 1

A/N:  Ok my lovelies, here’s chapter 1. Again, this is my first time posting on tumblr so be gentle with me.... I bruise easily lol. This is a slightly AU, Seth, Dean, Roman and Renee still end up with the WWE. I’ve tried doing as much research as possible when it comes to the blind community. Also the ‘Amanda’ character is supposed to be Amanda Palmer. If you haven’t heard of her you should check her out!! I tell you this because it pertains to the story. I’ll try my hardest to do weekly updates!! Please let me know if there are any mistakes!! I tried tagging everyone who asked!! If I missed you please lmk asap!! Enjoy!!

Seth Rollins x Blind OC

Word Count: 3000+

Warnings: Swearing, a small altercation, talk of parents fighting, talk of a parent leaving. 

Summary: Seth was Lily’s world, she was foolish enough to think that she was his. That is until he leaves her behind in pursuit of his dreams. What happens when fate throws them together again years after the heartache and tears? How can Lily see past the pain of the past when she can’t see at all?

+++

“Are you sure you really wanna go to school here?!” Amanda asked as she helped Lily unpack the last of her boxes.

Lily couldn’t help but laugh at the whine in Amanda’s voice. “I’m very sure, not only does it have one of the best music programs but I also have a full ride scholarship so.... yeah Ms. Palmer, I’m staying.”

Amanda and Lily had been thick as thieves since the first grade when Amanda poured her chocolate milk on a second grader who had been picking on Lily.

“What about the area? It’s totally foreign to you! How will you learn it with out me?!”

“I’ll take daily walks, plus I have Siri.” She said holding up her iPhone.

“Ok... what about your classes?! Who will show you around?!”

“Nice try, the dean has already assigned someone to show me around. Next?”

Amanda was stumped, she wracked her brain for any and every excuse to keep her best friend from staying.

“Well.... what about me?! What the hell am I supposed to do without you?! Ya selfish piece of crap!!” She asked in desperation, hoping that good ol’ guilt would keep Lily by her side.

Giving Amanda a reassuring smile, she held out her hand. Amanda took the outstretched limb and was engulfed into a tight hug.

“I’ll miss you too, Mandy. Truth is, you’re going to do great things with your life!! I mean, you and Brian are gonna go far!! I can see it now, ‘The Dresden Dolls are the first music group to win 20 Grammies in one night!’ You’re gonna be famous!” Lily proclaimed as she held Amanda. Her smile faltered when she heard the unmistakable sound of sniffing.

“Oh Manda-Bear, please don’t cry! I’m only a call away!”

“I know but it’s not the same... I know that it seems like I take care of you a lot but in reality you’ve always had my back! How will I survive without my Lily-Pad?”

By now both girls were blubbering messes when Lily’s phone went off. She quickly cleared her throat and answered.

“Hello?” She asked, proud that her voice didn’t break.

“Hi, Lily Adams?”

“Speaking, may I ask who’s calling?”

“Of course! I’m Renee Young, I’ve been assigned to be your campus guide for the next few days.” Lily let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She was relieved that the voice on the other end sounded cheerful and sincere.

“Oh yes, hi! Thank you for taking the time to help me out. I promise I’m a fast learner so you won’t have to worry about spending too much time with me!”

Amanda reached over and gave Lily a firm pinch on her arm.

“Ouch!”

“Are you ok?!” Renee asked, slightly worried.

The red head scowled at her friend, well tried to at least. “I’m fine, just stubbed my toe.” She quickly answered while flipping Amanda the bird.  

“Stop thinking you’re a burden!” Amanda whisper yelled.

“Oh sorry about that. Ok, Dean Anderson already gave me your address so I’ll swing by your place tomorrow morning around 9am to pick you up and start the tour! I’ll take you to where all your classes will be, the best hangouts and show you all the sights- er, sorry I mean, um”

“That sounds great! I’m so excited, thank you so much!” Lily answered trying to reassure Renee that there was no harm done.

“Ok, I’ll call you tomorrow before I pick you up! See you, I mean, talk to you then! Bye!!”

“Bye!”

Lily laughed, she could’ve sworn she heard Renee cuss before hanging up.

“Let me guess, she said something she felt was totally insensitive and started freaking out?” Amanda piped in once Lily set her phone down. She could hear the sarcasm dripping from her friends mouth.

“Be nice, it’s not everyday people meet someone like me. She was just trying to be polite. Now, what are the chances of you helping me decorate?”

“Hmm... buy me pizza and a beer and I’ll be your very own Martha Stewart!”

About two pizzas and four and a half beers later Lily and Amanda had almost everything put in its place, there was just one last detail.

“Do you remember when you got that?” Amanda asked as she watched Lily open the last box and gently run her fingers over the old keyboard.

“Of course, it’s one of my favorite memories. I scraped and saved for months only to have you surprise me by buying it for my birthday.” She smiled at the memory as she pulled it out while Amanda assembled the stand and small bench that came with it.

“It’s gonna be weird not having you play for me on stage anymore.” Amanda said with a sigh. Lily hugged her for the hundredth time that night.

“I know but you’re just as good at playing the piano as I am if not better. Plus people totally dig an artist who can sing and play at the same time!! I mean, Elton John does it and the audience eats that shit up!”

“I do like Sir Elton.” Amanda said earning a giggle from Lily.

They settled on Lily’s bed and spent the remainder of the night talking until sleep inevitably took them both.

—-

“Well, I guess this is it.” Amanda said trying hard not to cry.

“Oh my gosh, I’m not dying, we’ll see each other again!!”

The two girls held each other for what felt like an eternity.

“Ugh, ok, I’ve got a flight to catch and you’ve got a campus tour in an hour!! Scoot that cute tush back to your room. I’ve already laid out an outfit for you, complete with your favorite pair of aviators and I placed your cane right next to your clothes!”

“You spoil me too much. Thank you so much tho! I love you so m-much. Damn it!! I almost made it through th-that with out crying.” Lily said as she felt the dam begin to break. She felt Amanda run her thumbs on her cheeks wiping the tears away.

“I love you too, baby cakes.” Amanda began to walk away but turned abruptly and cupped Lily’s cheeks and whispered “Remember, you’re not just a blind girl, you’re an amazing badass who doesn’t take shit from anyone! Say it!”

“I’m a badass.” Lily mumbled.

“What?”

“I’m a badass!”

“Come again?”

“I’M A BADASS!!!” She yelled out, praying that her neighbors didn’t hear her.

“Hell yeah you are!”

With that Amanda kissed her on the forehead and went on her way. Lily counted the steps as she heard her best friend walk out of her new home. Before she could become a sobbing mess she heard her phone ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hi Lily, it’s Renee, just calling to let you know that I’ll be there in about 45 minutes.”

“Perfect, thank you again!!”

“No problem!! Bye!”

“Bye”

Grateful for the distraction, Lily sprang into action, quickly throwing on her clothes and aviators. With one hand she ran her fingers through her hair while the other felt around for her cane. Just as she straightened it out she heard a knock at the door.

“Coming!” She shouted as she felt for her phone and purse. “Ok Lily, you can do this, twenty one steps from your room to the door.”

Opening the front door to her apartment she was greeted with a soft sent of a sweet floral perfume.

“Hi!! I’m Renee!” She said eagerly stretching her hand out, rolling her eyes when she realized that Lily couldn’t see her gesture and gently took her hand giving it a friendly shake.

“Nice to finally meet you!” Lily said with an excited smile.

“Same here, shall we?”

“Lets.”

—-

By the end of the tour Renee and Lily had talked a lot and formed a friendship in no time. Renee transferred here from Canada and was majoring in journalism. She was currently in a relationship with one of the students on the wrestling team named Dean Ambrose. They walked arm in arm towards the final stop of the day.

“And this is where you’ll most likely be spending a lot of your time.” Renee said as she led Lily to the music department. There she showed her all of the practice rooms, the majority of them equipped with pianos.

“I can’t thank you enough for showing me around! I’ve had so much fun!” Lily said giving Renee’s arm a gentle squeeze.

“Oh, it’s no problem at all! I had fun to-HEY!” Lily gasped as she felt Renee’s arm being pulled from her grasp.

“Well, well, well,” said a deep, raspy voice “what do we have here?” Lily began to panic, it was bad enough that she couldn’t see what was happening, but she hated feeling useless! She frantically reached into her purse and pulled out her cane. She had put it in there once Renee took her arm. Before she could start swinging aimlessly, she heard Renee giggling.

“Damn it Dean! You scared the hell outta me!”

“I’m sorry doll, but you know I can’t resist sweeping you off your feet.” He chuckled.

Calming her breathing and lowering her cane, Lily began to notice the details about Dean. He smelt like leather and cigarettes with a subtle hint of soap, telling her nose that he had just recently showered. She was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of them kissing. She scrunched her nose and giggled before she could stifle it.

Renee quickly pulled away from Dean.

“Sorry, Lily, this is my boyfriend Dean, Dean meet Lily! She’s starting here this semester!”

Dean looked Lily over, taking notice of her sunglasses and cane. Putting two and two together he reached for her hand, giving it a quick shake. Lily smiled, shaking his hand back as she felt the calluses on his hand.

“Welcome darlin’. “

“Thanks, nice to meet you. Renee told me you’re a wrestler?”

“Yes ma’am, you a fan?” He asked while Renee gently elbowed him.

“Ouch, what was that for?” He asked totally, missing Renee’s hand signals trying to quiet him.

‘She can’t see, why would she be a fan of wrestling?’ She mouthed.

Lily, sensing the awkwardness, spoke up in hopes of easing the tension.

“I am actually.”

If she wasn’t blind, she’d see both their heads snap in her direction, mouths agape. After a few seconds, Dean finally broke the silence.

“I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but how exactly? I mean it’s kind of a watching sport.”

“Well, believe it or not, each move has a distinct sound. My mom and I used to watch wrestling on tv together. My best friend Amanda and I also frequented the local indie circuit back home. She’d give me a play by play but most of the time I knew what was happening.”

“Well, hell darlin’, you should come check us out sometime!!” Dean bellowed as he wrapped his arm around Lily’s shoulders.

“Oh my gosh, that would be so fun!” Renee said, her voice laced with excitement, “You’d have so much fun!”

Just as she was about to answer, Lily’s stomach let out a growl that could put King-Kong to shame. She felt a blush slowly creep up her neck and spread to her face.

“Damn Renee, I think someone’s hungry.”

It was only then that both girls realized they hadn’t stopped for lunch and it was as nearly 6pm.

“Ok, I think now would be the best time to show you the cafeteria.” Renee said with a laugh.

“That’d be awesome.” Lily said just as her stomach decided to make itself heard again. Assuming Renee would want to hold Dean’s hand, Lily opted to use her cane instead of relying on Renee’s arm.

—-

As the three of them made their way to the cafeteria, Lily heard a new set of footsteps accompanied with a scent of smooth cologne.

“Thanks for leaving without me, Uce.” said an unbelievably deep voice.

“Sorry Ro, I was helping the little lady escort Lily here to the cafeteria. Lily, this is Roman, he sounds like a bear but deep down he’s a gentle giant.”

Lily turned in the direction of Roman’s voice, hoping to shake his hand, but was stopped short when she felt her cane snag something... or rather someone.

“What the fu-“ this person said followed by a thud. Lily couldn’t help but flinch and cringe a bit knowing that she was the cause of someone getting hurt.

“I am so sorry!” She said quickly trying to feel for whoever she almost took out. Her hands landed on a well toned bicep as well as an intoxicating scent of aftershave and sweat. Before she could help whoever it was up she felt them shake off her hands and heard an irritated growl.

“Get the hell off me!” He said angrily.

Lily felt her eyes water. ‘Way to go Lily, making a great first impression...’ she mentally scolded herself.

“Easy Seth, it was an accident man.” Roman said as he reached down to help his friend up, trying his best to keep his temper in check when Seth slapped his hand away.

“Right.”  He said as he dusted himself off, turning towards Lily as he spoke.

“Why don’t you watch where you’re going next time?” He seethed. Dean, Roman and Renee all tensed at his poor choice of words. It wasn’t his fault tho, he hadn’t known that Lily was blind.

“Believe me, I wish I could.” She said with a sad smile.

Sensing that Seth was about to say something hurtful, Dean quickly got his attention, unceremoniously placed his hands over his eyes while shaking his head ‘no’ trying his hardest to signal to his friend that Lily couldn’t see. Of course Seth, being the hot head that he was, just shook his head muttering a ‘whatever’ and walked away.

Lily bit her bottom lip, in a desperate attempt to stop it from quivering, when she felt a large hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t worry about him baby girl,” Roman said gently “he’s just pissed off because coach gave him a hard time today.”

Renee rolled her eyes saying “Please, he’s always in a bad mood. Are you ok Lily?” She asked, coming to Lily’s side and hugging her.

Not trusting her voice, she simply nodded and allowed Roman to lead her into the cafeteria.

Having lost her appetite she just moved her food around with her fork.

As she sat with her new three friends, they took the opportunity to study her, she wasn’t that tall, maybe 5’3”, deep red hair and ivory skin. She was a petite little thing. Roman, having enough of this awkward silence, spoke up. “So Lily, tell us about yourself.”

“Oh, well, I graduated from high school about two years ago and took time off to play for my friend Amanda. She’s a singer trying to get her music career started. Have you ever heard of the Dresden Dolls?” She asked. It was a long shot but you never know.

“No.” Both Dean and Roman answered in almost perfect unison.

“I have!” Renee almost yelled “Do they sing Coin Operated Boy?!”

Lily almost choked on her soda. She couldn’t believe that someone knew of them!

“Yes!! I played the piano on that track! What a small world!”

“That’s awesome!” Renee exclaimed, “where did you learn to play?”

“I started when I was about 6, my mom said I needed a distraction after my- I mean...” Lily cleared her throat and started chugging her drink.

Dean, having no tact at all, took it upon himself to ask what no one else would.

“After What darlin’?”

Lily sighed, it was going to come out any way, might as well be now.

“After my dad left us. He didn’t like the fact that he was trapped with a ‘defective’ daughter so he took off with his 21 year old secretary, but not before having a huge screaming match with my mom. That’s one of the downsides of being blind, your other senses are heightened so I heard every word.”

A bastard tear fell down her cheek as she recalled the painful memory. She reached up to wipe it away but was beaten by Roman’s thumb.

“It’s his loss baby girl. He’s a fool for leaving you and your mom.”

“Thanks, um so. What about you guys?” She asked, changing the subject, “what do you guys look like?”

She learned that Dean was 6’4”, Caucasian, blue eyes, well built, with dirty blonde hair, Renee was just a few inches taller than Lily, hazel eyes, fair skinned as well with light blonde hair and Roman was 6’3”, Samoan, tan skin, brown eyes, long dark brown hair, and (according to Dean) was built like an Adonis.

“Wow, you all sound like you could be models!”

“Well, darlin’, when you’re rockin’ next to nothin’ when wrestling, you gotta look good.” Dean said as Roman laughed in agreement.

“You should come to one of our shows! It’d be fun!” Dean said, scooping the last of his chowder into his mouth.

“Maybe one day!” Lily said yawning. “Renee, I’m so sorry but would you mind taking me back to my place? I’m still a little jet lagged.”

“Of course!”

Roman helped Lily outta her seat and the four of them left. They said their goodbyes and Lily made her way up to her apartment.

“Alexa, play messages.” Lily called out as she threw her keys and purse on the table.

“You have one new message from Manda-Bear:

‘Hey Lily-Pad, just wanted to let you know that I made it back safely and I miss you already. You had better call me when you wake up and tell me all about your day or so help me I’ll jump back on a plane and come kick your adorable ass!! I love you... call me!!’

Lily smiled and made a mental note to call Amanda in the morning. She couldn’t help but feel completely alone at the moment. Not to mention she couldn’t believe that she hadn’t even been on campus for a full 24 hours and already she made a fool of herself. One thing was for sure, she was going to do her best to steer clear of this Seth guy.

“Alexa, what time is it?”

“It is 11:42pm”

Groaning she did the only thing that calmed her down when she was antsy. Sitting at the her keyboard she began playing the Moonlight Sanata. After 15 minutes of playing she was interrupted by someone pounding on her front door. She quickly ran to her door, not before grabbing her pocket knife, and swung open the door, stiffening when she was met with the same scent she smelt when she tripped Seth.

“Oh shit...” Seth mumbled under his breath.

“Can I help you?” Lily asked with a sigh.

“Yeah, I’m trying to sleep so could you keep the damn noise down?!” He said annoyed realizing that they were neighbors.

“I’m so sorry, I’ll do....” before she could finish she couldn’t help but hear Amanda’s words from earlier ‘you’re an amazing badass who doesn’t take shit from anyone’.

“Hello?!” He said, snapping his fingers in front of her face, a mistake on his part. With lightning speed, Lily grabbed his wrist and threw it back at him.

“Look,” She said pointing a finger at him, “I’m sorry about earlier and I’m sorry about the noise but you have no right to act like a prick! Now,” she took a deep breath, calming down “come in for a drink and we can start over.” Giving him her friendliest smile she moved out of the way to let him in.

A very stunned Seth stood there looking at her.  No one, let alone a woman, had ever spoken to him like that. It didn’t sit well with him. Not one bit.

“No thanks, I’ve got an early class.” And with that he retreated back to his apartment.

Embarrassed, she shut her door and went beck to her room. She wanted to be mad, she really did but being blind had its advantages. She depended greatly on her hearing when having conversations to pick up on social cues. She sensed something deeper in Seth’s voice, something he tried desperately to hide: insecurity. To everyone else he portrayed himself as a cocky athlete who was God’s gift to women, but Lily could hear past that. As she laid down she couldn’t help but feel an infatuation with him. She knew what it was like to pretend to be strong on the outside while vulnerable on the inside. Smiling to herself she decided that instead of avoiding him, she’d make it her goal to befriend him and lift him up. She closed her eyes and welcomed a dreamless sleep, excited for the new day.

@haven-raven012591 @wrestlingfae @calwitch @neversatisfiedgirl @lost-in-the-stories

[fuzzynuggetdispenser]

So looking at what I’ve written, I’ve decided that I’ll split this up into 2 posts: a summary of what’s been going on since I’ve been absent from Tumblr (which really is only for my benefit), and what I actually originally came back to Tumblr to post before getting sidetracked by my need to fill the massive gap left since the last time I logged on.

Technically, I’ve had plenty of content to blog about in the past year or so, ranging from dramas related to my personal life, work, general depression and anxiety related to my position in life and feeling like I’m stuck in a rut and unable to achieve my goals etc. I actually had somewhat major surgery on my femur at the beginning of the year. Long story short, I’ve had multiple surgeries on my left leg because of a congenital defect and the one I had at the start of the year is (hopefully) the last one I’ll ever need. I mean, it’s the one with the most obvious results and I’ll probably not need a knee replacement or hyaluronic acid injections in my 30s now that the alignment of my leg bones is no longer at an angle which could cause premature osteoarthritis. Hooray! 

But as necessary as this surgery was, it really messed with my life lol. So I was contacted by the hospital around July/August last year, at the beginning of semester 2 of my second year in my HIM degree and said I’d be scheduled for surgery early August. Considering I was set to go on placement and also have a very long commute to uni, and the recovery would be brutal, my course has a lot of team assignments, AND I’d be on opioids for pain and probably asleep/out of my mind all the time, I decided the best thing to do to not incur unnecessary uni fees was to take leave of absence for the semester since the census date was also early August. Of course not long after submitting leave of absence, the hospital calls to push the surgery back a few months. Infuriating. A few months pass and again, surgery gets pushed back. And again not long later. Reasons included “turns out our special equipment wasn’t ready”, “second surgeon had another surgery booked in”, “somebody else needed emergency surgery and bumped you down the list”. The latter reason was the most acceptable but the first two... like, how do you book a surgery in without making sure the equipment is ready??? And not making sure both necessary surgeons are available? Fucking what. I’m not going to pretend like I even understand how the healthcare system works or how busy it gets but I feel like I was pretty justified in my anger; the recovery time for surgery would be equivalent to a uni semester so pushing everything back was affecting my life progression, big time.    Eventually come January I get the call confirming my surgery for February and honestly, up until the point of my actual surgery, worrying about nothing but my job and social life was nice. Yet my recovery period was kind of rough. Not that my family, partner and friends weren’t great pillars of support during this time... but no longer being able to work while recovering, and the idea of not graduating from my bachelor’s till 2020, when I’m freaking 28, and simply approaching 26 without having travelled or accomplished as much as I want due to all this crap with my health affecting my life, while constantly being on social media and seeing others in my age bracket flaunt their recent entries in the housing market, their numerous overseas trips, their engagements and weddings... yeah, social media is crap and people only post the good aspects of their life, but I couldn’t not feel like an abject failure in the face of everybody else progressing. Didn’t help that when catching up with old friends, while they were talking about their careers, when it came to me it was, “Oh, you’re still at uni?” It just feels crummy. And I know I’ve had legitimate reasons to have not graduated yet, and people change career paths and go back to uni at even later ages, and comparing myself to others is stupid and self destructive, but yeah. It’s gonna happen no matter how bad I know it is for me to do. I’ve been able to walk without crutches since May though, and I return to uni at the end of this month so that’s something to look forward to. I haven’t gotten the OK from my orthopaedic surgeon to return to my old labour intensive job so I’ve been job searching in the mean time. I kinda bombed an interview for a clerical role for a big public hospital and didn’t get the job, and recently had an interview for the same role at a smaller hospital and somehow did worse at that interview ugh lol. But uh, I guess I should end this blog post and start on part 2 before I forget what I really came here for.

[whoknowswheremylifeis]

Thanks @someonetheelusivefangirl for the tag

— What was your last…

1. Drink: water

2. Phone call: home, but I probably spoke to my mum

3. Text message: "ugh mood” to my friend

4. Song you listened to: Feeling the Moment by Feeder

5. Time you cried: I think it was a few weeks ago when I started panicking about the amount of work I had to do, but I’ve probably cried at a film since then

6. Dated someone twice: nope

7. Kissed someone and regretted it:  nope

8. Been cheated on: nope

9. Lost someone special: I can’t think of anything other than when my first dog died in 2009

10. Been depressed: It was bad just before the Christmas hols, so early December

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: never

— Fave colours

12. Blue

13. Sunset (it’s a legit colour, I just found out lol)

14. Yellow or pink

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: yeah, a few from my course, especially in the last few weeks

16. Fallen out of love: nope

17. Laughed until you cried: of course

18. Found out someone was talking about you: I hope they haven’t

19. Met someone who changed you: I don’t think so?

20. Found out who your friends are: not in the past year, no

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: nope

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: most of them

23. Do you have any pets: The best doggo Hallie, and I also befriended next door’s cat, and @someonetheelusivefangirl’s dog and cat are basically mine

24. Do you want to change your name: Well I’d rather have a surname that people can spell and pronounce on the first try, but otherwise nope

25. What did you do for your last birthday: It was my first birthday away from home, so my parents brought the dog down to uni, and a friend came down during her half term, and we drove/walked around the area my dad grew up in, where I also spent a lot of my childhood. Then we picked up @someonetheelusivefangirl and we went out for supper

26. What time did you wake up today: about 10? Impressive, considering I normally sleep well into the afternoon

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Binge watching The Good Place on netflix

28. What is something you can’t wait for: The Incredibles 2, and for my mum to stop nagging me

30. What are you listening to right now: the sound of silence (not the song, but now I want to)

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I know a few Toms, so yes

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: my procrastination, my mum, my body

33. Most visited website: Tumblr or google

34. Hair colour: brown

35. Long or short hair: it’s down to my butt (after only two years)

36. Do you have a crush on someone: not at the moment

37. What do you like about yourself: My eyes, my hair, sometimes my legs, and my bullshitting abilities

38. Want any piercings: not any more

39. Blood type: No fucking idea

40. Nicknames: Liv, Livvy, Lou Lou, Oliver

41. Relationship status: happily single

42. Sign: Scorpio

43. Pronouns: she/her

44. Fave tv show: Brooklyn Nine-Nine/Merlin/Death in Paradise/Miranda/Would I lie to you?/Voltron: Legendary Defender/A Series of Unfortunate Events/Shadowhunters/Outnumbered/Doctor Who

45. Tattoos: no, but I really really really want a small HP one, and talking to my friend about it lately has made me seriously think about it for the first time and ugh I really want it

46. Right or left handed: right

47: Ever had surgery: nope

48. Piercings: Just my ears

49. Sport: I love playing netball, but I haven’t for the past year because my stupid school games teacher fucked me up and made me doubt my worth as a player so I didn’t try for the uni team

50. Vacation: Sailing around Cornwall & France is the way to go

51. Trainers: I wear them basically every day because they’re so comfy and quick to put on when I’m running late

— More general

52. Eating: is my fave, but I do tend to not eat at uni because I feel like my flatmates judge me if they’re in the kitchen while I’m cooking

53. Drinking: I drink so much

54. I’m about to watch: I really want to say nothing because I need to work, but there are some yt notifs that I need to get through

55. Waiting for: my insecurities to piss off

56. Want: Ice lollies, to move out of my uni halls already, pizza (an eternal desire), and for this assignment to be over

57. Get married: I hope I will

58. Career: If publishing doesn’t happen, then it’ll be either translating/interpreting, or teaching French (but probably the latter)

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Shorter or taller: taller?

62. Older or younger: meh

63. Nice arms or stomach: I think arms?

64. Hookup or relationships: relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: dunno

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: hell no

67. Drank hard liquor: yep

68.Turned someone down: I tried in year 5 (age 9/10), but my ‘friends’ went back to him and told him I’d changed my mind so I was stuck in a ‘relationship’ for like three weeks until he dumped me

69. Sex on first date: nope

70: Broken someone’s heart: I hope not

71. Had your heart broken: nope

72. Been arrested: I nearly was in Swansea, but no

73. Cried when someone died: of course ... Mufasa didn’t deserve it

74. Fallen for a friend: nope

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: That’s a definite no

76. Miracles: I dunno

77. Love at first sight: nope

78. Santa Claus: no

79. Angels: nope

— Misc

80. Eye colour: brown

81. Best friend’s name: Isabella/Issy/Isabala/Isabellafriend

82. Favourite movie: The Lion King/The Greatest Showman/Tangled/HP/Aladdin/Moana/The Jungle Book (og animation)/The Little Engine that Could (1991 version)/Ice Age

83. Favourite actor: I love love love Bill Nighy and Rowan Atkinson

84. Favourite cartoon: Voltron: Legendary Defender

85. Favourite teacher’s name: Helen Pearson or Annie Williams or Helen Colson

I’m tagging @luckyspacelions @shadowqueen1220 @megasuperwonderlandturtle and whoever wants to do this