#and trying not to think about next year or the next 4 years and the horrors that that will bring

[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

also, something crucially important is that you can let go of what someone did without forgiving them. functionally, it’s practically identical to forgiving someone who you don’t keep in your life anymore (be that by your choice, theirs, or merely circumstances), bc it’s only in your own head either way. you’re not going to hit this person up to say you forgive them if you don’t want to keep that connection open, and you’re not going to hit them up to say you’ve moved on and you’re letting go, either. the only difference, truly, is that choosing to let go instead of forgive the other person centers YOU over them.

if someone isn’t in your life anymore, it doesn’t really matter to them if you privately and internally forgive them or not, nor does it matter to them if you let go or hold on. it can’t matter to them when they can’t know what your decision is. when people say you need forgiveness for your peace, what they actually mean is that you need to let go of what happened and not hold on to anger or pain or sorrow. but forgiveness isn’t necessary to let go of all that stuff.

i’ll never forgive my first two exes for what they did to me, one of them having been overtly abusive (to the point that after breaking up with me, she manipulated my next gf into breaking up with me too so she could lure me back in, and it worked) and the other having been more mild than her younger counterpart but she was simply 18 dating a 14-year-old and expecting her 14-year-old partner to act her age, which was 4 years older than my age at that time. both of these girls, now women, hurt me immensely. and i still have work to do to uncover exactly how much they hurt me and what i can do to keep their effect on me from affecting others around me, through me… but i HAVE let go. i can’t hold that anger and pain and sorrow from 10 years ago anymore. i can’t change the fact that they did what they did to me. i can only tell myself that i refuse to let them continue holding power over me, and release that power by letting go of what they did and their presence in my mind. i did this quite a while ago, when one of them texted me a long rambly message and, instead of telling her how fucked up she was for dating someone 4 years younger than her at 18 and expecting me to act like someone her age, i just told her she had the wrong number and then blocked her. this was about 5 years ago now. at that moment i realised that i didn’t want to be miserable like that. she had held onto whatever hurt she got out of our relationship for like 5 years at that point, to the point she couldn’t be in the room when a movie we both used to love came on and restrain herself from sending me a text, wailing as a wounded animal. i didn’t want that kind of future.

i still think about them both, but i’m over being miserable about it. i have shit to unpack but when i’m done, i’ll be done. i’m not trying to wallow in that. THAT’S what letting go and protecting your peace is about. that’s the core of it. you can choose to forgive them, or you can choose not to, but you can’t wallow in your pain. it’s hard, but you have to let it go. it’ll only burn you more if you hold on.

it’s not about forgiveness. that part is completely optional. it’s about release

Think I used to get bogged down in “do I forgive this person” “do I even out the scales” “should I stand my ground” but really the question I should be asking is “what would be better for me” bc really. What would be better for me in the long term. What would stay true to my self respect and boundaries and values? What would provide the best outcome? What would make the most of our time? Sometimes that’s forgiveness and sometimes it’s not and I don’t think either route is necessarily morally superior to the other so long as it minimizes harm and is fair while also prioritizing your happiness

[thebroccolination]

THAMEPO'S RELATIONSHIP (AS OF EPISODE 4)

Back when the teaser (made as an appeal to sponsors) aired in part two of GMMTV's 2024 showcase, and especially after the trailer (cut from the actual series) aired, I thought ThamePo looked like it would become one of the strongest series GMMTV has ever made.

So far, even though we're only four episodes in, it's well surpassing my expectations. Apparently, it's a passion project that the director had in the making for five years, waiting for the right casting to come along, so based on that alone, it's a series made with love. And I have a soft spot for passion projects. <3

Still, the top criterion I judge all series by is the quality of the writing, and since ThamePo's director is also a seasoned screenwriter who developed the script, this is one of the strongest aspects of the series so far.

Over the past four episodes, we've seen our protagonist's flaws (people-pleasing, projecting, temper) and strengths (resourcefulness, observational skill, cleverness), what he wanted (to return to the creative working world) and how it's changing (to reunite MARS). We've met the public version of Thame, the shallow version of Thame that Po misread, and the private version of Thame trying to make amends with his friends. We've met three of those friends (Jun, Dylan, and Pepper) and have hints about the fourth (Nano), and each friend we've met has given us more insight into the kind of person Thame is and what he's done to try and protect his group as the leader.

Since the main conflict of the story appears to be Thame being forced to choose between his band or his new boyfriend—

—Thame's relationship with Po has to move at quite a quick clip so he's emotionally invested enough in their relationship that it's a difficult choice. He's already extremely attached to his friends, so I'd argue one of the biggest challenges in the writing was having him fall in love with Po convincingly fast without it feeling forced by the hand of the screenwriter.

And daaamn has that been well-accomplished, in my opinion.

First, Po gets his Y/N moment.

It's established in the first episode that Thame saw Po at a fanmeeting once and remembered him because Po did something kind for someone when he didn't have to. Presumably because Thame's in a fairly cutthroat industry where people are constantly vying for his attention, maneuvering him like a chess piece, or flat-out ignoring him, that small act of kindness was probably one of the bright points of his day, week, or even month. Especially as things started falling apart with the other members.

In that same episode, we see Po projecting the heartbreak from his previous relationship onto Thame.

And in return, Thame—who spends most of the next episode docilely doing whatever he's told to do by the company—allows some of what he's hidden to show out of frustration presumably brought on by being so thoroughly misunderstood and chastised by a stranger he used to think well of and now suspects of being a sasaeng.

Because both characters are in such vulnerable places emotionally, it translates well to the narrative when they start to depend on one another.

On Po's end, his recent breakup has left him feeling foolish and exposed, taken advantage of by a man who refused to acknowledge Po's sacrifices or show any true appreciation for all the work Po did to see him succeed.

Meanwhile, Thame is alone in every way that matters.

His parents are neglectful,

his friends abandoned him,

and his boss is manipulating him.

At the start, Po is quite literally the only ally he has.

It's because Po kept at him to be honest, to be sincere, that Thame woke up and decided to fight for himself.

And because Thame is doing something for himself for a change, that's what wins back his closest friend Jun.

What I love about this whole narrative is that it's already established from Po's previous relationship that he's the kind of person to give himself entirely to a cause for someone else's benefit. He helped Earn to his own detriment, he picked up a small child so she could see, and he's risking his job to help Thame find happiness and peace.

So it's entirely in-character for him to, say, go through a whole room filled with boxes of rejected song lyrics trying to find one piece of paper that he had to tape back together. Only for it not to matter, because Thame mended fences with Dylan on his own.

I'd argue this is what makes Po think, Maybe I'm too emotionally involved in this. Especially after Jun has point-blank told him that Thame would never be interested in him that way.

We see the moment Po doubts his enthusiastic support of this whole project.

And it's clear that this could have been where it ended for Po.

Until Thame, observant and kind and the polar opposite of Earn, says exactly the right thing to him.

Because that was the major breaking point for Po in his relationship with Earn. He was made to feel disposable. Extraneous. Unnecessary. But Thame recognizes the work he's done, the effort he's put in. He may be reuniting the group for his own satisfaction, but he's not so selfish that he can let Po's contributions go unobserved and unappreciated.

Then, y'know. Thame talks to Po until he falls asleep—

—and serenades him in the morning.

And the thing is! Knowing all we know about Thame—that his parents don't seem to care about him, that he's been isolated from his friends, that he's been made helpless in his own career for so long after being manipulated into signing contracts that restrict his freedom—it makes sense for him to be the one pursuing Po this hard. Just as much as it makes sense for recently heartbroken Po to be interested and yet hesitant.

Setting all of this up in four episodes while covering the entire backstory of MARS and their gradual reunion is a feat of excellent writing. We have a reason to care about Thame and Po's relationship, because it's been clearly shown to us that they bring out the best in each other and that they're willing, even at this early stage, to take risks for each other. We've also got reason to care about MARS, because they seem to be more family to Thame than his own, and they're his current priority.

I'm genuinely thrilled to see such solid writing come from a GMMTV series because as I've said before, they seem more and more recently to chuck first drafts on an assembly line and just assume the fandom will watch anything regardless of the quality as long as certain khuujin are cast as the leads (which, y'know, isn't untrue).

While I enjoy some GMMTV QL series as mindless fluff to watch with friends, there are very few I'd say are written well. Apart from ThamePo, only five other series I've seen have what I'd consider well-executed scripts: Pluto (2024), Be My Favorite (2023), Dark Blue Kiss (2019), SOTUS S (2017), and SOTUS (2016). Sadly, I think Not Me (2022) was on track to be one of the best with its first half, but the production was infamously neglected with episodes cut by GMMTV at the last minute and the script deprived of major edits that left the second half almost shallow by comparison. (Of course, Not Me had a host of censorship issues as well, so we may never know how much that interfered with the quality. It's still an incredible series for its ambition and for Nuchy's directing, and I'll be mad every day of my reincarnation cycle that it didn't get the writing support it deserved.)

Otherwise, nearly every GMMTV series I've seen has at least one major basic storytelling flaw (no character arc, a sloppy resolution, unconvincing setup, weak characterization, excess filler, etc.), and they seem to be first drafts with very little depth. With that in mind, I hope to see ThamePo do well enough that it sends a message to GMMTV that they should focus more on the writing of their series. I think based on what we've seen in the first four episodes and in the trailer, the script quality is reliable, and ThamePo's relationship may be one of the best-written we've seen yet. <3

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Bit Slow

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Jan 2025 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

ThamePo (Fri YT) ep 4 of 12 - Okay, that bit where Jun tells Po not to “get carried away” did you notice Jun's particle use? He went informal/intimate with an elder AND he also went slightly queer coded - illustrating he knows Po is gay. Interesting, slightly rude, and confrontational choice. I like Jun less because of it.

Frankly speaking, I'd rather a rap battle than sing-off but I still fast forwarded the rap (I muted the singing). Not sorry.

The bit where the 2 of them are talking for hours was the most realistic portrayal of a budding romantic relationship I’ve ever seen in a BL. Virginia Woolf was an interesting choice.

Your Sky AKA How to Train Your Seme (Sun iQIYI) ep 7 of 12 - Fah is so sweet. He’s terrible at talking but he’s always trying to communicate with Rak anyway. I love that for them, and us. Rak's confession to his friends scene was so adorable. I love this friendship group a lot. Thomas’s English is v good, also I kinda love his parents. Still the mains were apart for most of this ep so it fell in the standings.

Sangmin Dinneaw (Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - Oh my goodness aren’t these 2 pretty? What a fun little show. I am enjoying it so far. I really like that Sangmin is actually bilingual. Or at least has the appearance of being so. This feels a lot stronger to start than any of the other co-country BLs I've seen.

Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 14 of 16 - They cute. I remain a little concerned that North is so easygoing that he got railed into this relationship (literally and figuratively). His body language indicates he’s not super into Johan, so with these 2 I’m often thinking about peer pressure.

North didn’t keep that gear for very long, did he? I would’ve loved it if the twist was just that North was secretly a genius. He aced all of his tests, and was lazy because he wasn’t being challenged.

Gamer side couple are bothering me, now that there’s catfishing involved. 

Caged Again (Fri Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - Why am I now thinking of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and the child catcher with these bad guys?

Again I found myself largely bored. I’m beginning to think this show could’ve been cut down by at least 2 eps.

For linguistic cuteness, did you notice Sun & Junior use rao/ter? SO ADORABLE!

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT) ep 10 of 24 - I like Santa and Perth’s chemistry more than I thought I would. The brothers' bickering and tension is interesting, are they all adopted or meant to be actual bothers? Meanwhile, cohabitation trope is a go.

The Heart Killers (Weds Gaga) ep 7 of 12 - no episode this week because of New Year’s.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 12 of 13 - "Happiness came so fast I couldn't think about how long it would last" could be the statement for every penultimate BL episode ever. This main couple is just so gorgeously wonderful and precious and lovely. What a way to execute the Adams apple fetish.

Our Youth AKA Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Japan Tues Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - Just so painful. "You've always been alone." These characters are so casually cruel to each other. And, of course, the running of the gays! 

Eternal Butler (Taiwan Fri Gaga) eps 4 of 12 - I am growing to love that little push-up of the glasses that he does. Sex herb trope continues to be v amusing. Nice to see Ever 9 again! We got backstory for our poor little damaged rich boy, very soap opera. I am more interested in Ever 4's backstory tbh. Uh oh the glasses came off.

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 14 of ? - Well at least something happened and things finally came to a head (or "a body" as the case may be). Will we continue with any kind of progression next week? I hope so.

It's airing but......

Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Thai ???) - has been picked up to air on WeTV, or something? Criminals who meet in prison fall in love. I did find it on YouTube, initially un-subbed, then subs happened by which time I got distracted. It is very pulp but intriguing. For now it's to the wayside until someone tells me it landed safely. Occasionally Thai pulps want to be edgy and it's not a good look on them. But sometimes they do good.

In Case You Missed it

End of year wraps are here!

2024 Trend Report

MY BEST & WORST BLs of 2024

Best Kisses (and sex scenes) of 2024

BL's 2024 Quirky Awards

2024 Awards - Quick Picks

Strange is doing a pretty interesting deep dive into Omegaverse et al. I particularly enjoyed this week's installment: Why Do Women Write So Much Gay Fanfiction?

I rarely (if ever) report on the gossip, BTS relationships, or sasang behavior of the fandoms but here is a 2024 retrospective from someone else if you want all the gossip and drama (YouTube). Or are afraid you missed something important.

Next Week Looks Like This:

2 ending, 2 starting.

January Drops

1/5 The Boy Next World (Sun IQIYI) 10 eps trailer - MAME warning. Multiverse slip through time kinda thing. Mame + high concept, we in for a bumpy ride. I should trash watch and live blog but I don't think I have the energy.

1/6 Ossan‘s Love Thailand (Mon YouTube) 12 eps - WHY MUST THIS BE?!!

1/9 When it Rains it Pours (Japan Thurs Gaga) 10 eps - Convoluted story about a man in a relationship who is sexually unfulfilled and his friend who is in love with him, who accidentally become secret confidants.

1/15 Impression of Youth (Taiwan Weds ????) 9 eps - Same team as DNA Says Love You, so I have high hopes.

2025 Line Up

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 1

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 2

20 BLs Announced for 2025 That I'm Really Excited About

GMMTV 2025 Line Up - My Totally Biased and Wildly Flawed Feels

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Yeah I got nothing for ya. It'd just be all ThamePo.

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

[utilitycaster]

I am curious if you think the campaign wrap up will perhaps address some of the campaign shortcomings or challenges the cast faced in trying to land this campaign narratively, especially in comparison to previous campaigns? Not that they would disparage the whole campaign - but like a little “yeah this didn’t work as well as we wanted at times?” 

It’s odd because I find myself weirdly optimistic about CR as a whole despite this campaign’s possible lackluster ending, so I guess I’m hoping the campaign wrap up acknowledges that this campaign didn’t always play to their strengths in hopes that their next long form venture does more, idk.

I don't know if it will but. that's precisely the tenor any question I send will have: I don't think the fundamental concept is the issue - hell, I don't even think killing the gods is actually a problem if you appropriately set up a scenario where killing the gods has a motivation other than "mortals were mean to me in their name" [thing that happens irl all the time in a world with zero proof of divinity, in my religiously observant ideologically agnostic and skeptical opinion] or "I have issues with my parents I never worked towards so I've projected this onto The Ultimate Parents instead of like. being fucking normal." But it needed a lot more scaffolding at the VERY least in the prep for this campaign, and actually, to be blunt, if you want to make this a balanced issue you needed to seed this concept through prior campaigns in a meaningful way. There's a reason pretty much everyone who defends this campaign as Extremely Good, Actually is either doing some form of wildly revisionist history of the fandom and the past campaigns that's demonstrably false if you were like. there; or else they started with C3 and decided they were an expert despite being of below-average literacy and deeply below average personality and have to resort to such miserable efforts as "arguing that canon isn't real" and "posting an out of context Le Guin quote over and over in the hopes we won't notice they're actually 511 mice in a trenchcoat who can't actually read". So yeah I hope Matt is like this was an ambitious project and I'd have done many things differently.

I do wonder what's next for CR, because as I mentioned, it feels like the cast is stronger in shorter form; that even the other longform shows are moving to shorter form right now; and that WBN and C3 kind of show the limits/failings of longform. I hope they do another longform campaign at some point in the future, but it might make sense to take an extended break and play in the space for a while. They only took about 4 months between campaigns for the past two and maybe it would be good to take longer and focus on Daggerheart, Candela, and EXU for much of the year and if they do longform wait 8-10 months, especially with the comparatively extensive touring schedule this year.

I also hasten to add, and I mentioned this briefly in talking about CRPGs, but I think there's a Third Campaign Dip that's not inevitable (NADDPod didn't really have it; TAZ switches systems enough that it's not an issue) but definitely hit here, that doesn't apply to a fourth one. Like, for CRPGs (girl who's played Veilguard twice and gotten through the first day of Disco Elysium voice) it feels like the first run is following what seems most fun to you and then the second is playing around with other choices that maybe aren't as appealing just to see what happens, and then for the third and future runs you kind of know the full lay of the land and what you'll like while still allowing for a range of choices. For class-based TTRPGs, the first is the self-insert/thing that's fairly comfortable and easy/character you've dreamed of; the second is what you do now that you know how this works; and then the third can be...an overextension, shall we say. I think after that you figure out, again, the bounds of your comfort zone, how much you can stretch it, and what you don't like, you're in a much more consistent footing.

[tonitheloftwing]

My logic:

#1: have a low social battery I would be burned out so fast from Aran. Not his fault but I would be exhausted

#2: Hippo is a good guy and friendly!!!! But plane seats are small and we’re both rlly big people. So I would be awkwardly squished against him, which would be perfect if I was @ohshy, but I am not, so I would just feel bad

#3: I don’t think he’d speak to me at all which. That’s great. Talking to new people is stressful

#4: best seat for socializing! Disco and Bear are such happy people, plus I think they’d understand social burnout pretty well. So I could chat them up for a while and then just scroll tumblr with no guilt after

#5: These two are my fav characters in the whole series but presuming they are REAL? God that would be awkward. I project so much onto Little Mac. I’ve written smut with Doc. If all the headcanons I’ve created for them don’t apply it would be even MORE awkward and I’d feel like a parasocial fan. I love these two but I would not sit here in a million years bc I would seem crazy to them

#6: These two would either be chatting politely for the whole flight or bickering about Joe’s love life so. No thanks

#7: similar to #5, I really like these two as characters and also ship them very hard. I also project onto Tiger a lot. So sitting there would be AWKWARD

#8: Sandman would be fine to sit next to but i don’t know if Macho & I sitting together would be good. I think I’d feel bad for not buying whatever he’s trying to sell to me

So my top seats would be next to the ref or next to Disco & Hugger depending on if I’m exhausted or not. My least preferred seats would be next to Mac & Doc or Macho & Sandman because I’d either feel hella awkward or end up buying shit I don’t need

where are yall sitting ⁉️

[gugapuppy]

Abortion - Part 7 (A!Ghost x O!Soap)

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7

═══════════════════════════

First of all, HAPPY 2025!!! 🙌🎉🥳 I hope you had a great New Year's Eve with lots of food, music and fun!

Now, on to the chapter.

CW: Abortion (Offscreen)

═══════════════════════════

"So... what did you want to talk about?" Soap stared at his own coffee, which exuded a slight vapour, and on the other side of the table, Laswell sat with her arms folded, her face calm.

She had arrived early the day after she and Price had come, saying that she would like to talk to Soap without the lads getting in their way, so the two of them decided to go to a coffee shop a few blocks away.

She swallowed and cleared her throat, making Soap look at her.

"First of all I'd like to explain properly about last night, I insisted that Price didn't come yesterday, but he wouldn't listen." She uncrosses her arms and places them on the table. "Let me explain the Ghost situation."

"Laswell," Soap exclaims, not knowing whether or not he wants to hear about his ex.

"Just... listen to me, after that I won't say anything else." Soap stares at her momentarily until she decides to give a small nod and take a sip of her coffee.

"Last night Ghost called Price, I was with him at the time." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "What Price said last night about Ghost wanting to be a part of your pregnancy is true."

"Then why did he leave me and accuse me, Laswell?! Why?!" A few people look round at Soap as he raises his voice.

"A few years ago, Ghost became a POW for a cartel in Mexico, the things those people did to him... it's something that shouldn't be commented on."

"And what's that got to do with it?" Soap almost spits at Laswell in indignation.

She pauses, thinking about how to tell Soap until she decides to just be blunt. "The reason Ghost walked away after you broke the news to him is because he thought he was infertile."

Soap pauses briefly, repeating Laswell's words in her head on a loop for a moment. The reason Ghost walked away is because he ‘thought’ he was infertile? He could have spoken to Soap if he was unsure!

"Ghost apparently shared this information with Farah who made him take a fertility test, the results of which showed that there were no fertility problems or STIs." Laswell added, leaving Soap with his mouth ajar and anxious.

Someone had to force Ghost to take a test... didn't he even think that maybe he was the father? He didn't even imagine the likelihood, he just jumped into what he always does and ignored everything. As if it was nothing. As if Soap simply didn't matter.

The touch of Laswell's hand on his makes him blink back to reality.

"He didn't trust me? Why didn't he tell me about this doubt, this could all have been avoided if he'd just..." Soap just shakes his head.

"Sometimes people are insecure and prefer to ignore the small ray of hope." She squeezes Soap's hand before letting go. "What do you want to do John?"

Soap doesn't answer right away, he thinks for a moment until he finally decides on an answer.

"I can't go back to Laswell... What guarantee is there that he won't ignore me or abandon me again? I tried to go after him even when he was accusing me of things I would never do... I can't go back to him. Not anymore."

Johnny tries to be strong, but every few moments his eyes start to get heavy and his jaw quivers with a small sob. His head shakes slightly,

Laswell's breathing is cut off for a moment, the smell of a stressed and sad omega spreads through the air. She moves over and stands next to Soap, trying to scent him and calm him down, which gradually works.

While she's crouched down next to Soap helping him, she says calmly. "I'm here for you, John." She hugs him straight away.

Soap returns the alpha's embrace, and in a stammer he says. "Kate... I need a favour."

--🧼--

The next day after the conversation with Laswell, Soap decided to write Simon a goodbye letter, he knew that seeing the alpha wasn't something that was going to happen.

When the day finally arrived, Johnny was nervous, every atom of his existence telling him not to proceed. But he knew that it was the omega's instincts, the instinct to look after the baby and not let anything hurt it. To be a dad.

Gaz had one arm around Soap's shoulder, one of his hands gripping omega's tightly.

Soap felt more at ease with his best friend there. He just wanted to make a nest and put him and Gaz inside, never to come out again.

Some of the patients passing by thought it was strange to see two big, strong men, one of them purring loudly at the other, but in all honesty, Soap didn't give a damn what anyone else thought.

The moment Gaz's sister called out to them, the two of them followed, Gaz saying that he would wait for Soap.

John was taken to a room where he was instructed to wear one of the hospital's clothes. Gaz's sister offered more strongly for the last time that Soap might see one of the therapists first, but the sergeant refused.

And then he was redirected to the room where the surgery was to take place.

As one of the doctors put on the anaesthetic gas mask, John's consciousness gradually faded, leaving only one thought. 

I'm sorry, pup.

--🧼--

When Soap finally woke up, he was lying on a bed, his body was sore and a slight dizziness ran through his head.

Next door he heard someone getting up and then something being put near his mouth, Soap jumped away, but then he heard it.

"It's just a straw, it's water." Gaz said calmly.

Soap drank the water little by little, his throat didn't hurt but his body did, he opened his eyes and looked around. He was in a private room, a window in the wall showed that it was night.

Slowly he sits up in bed, holding his hands a little too tightly. 

Gaz sits down on a small part of the bed next to Soap, who, just as Gaz gets into bed, rests his head on his shoulder. Gaz puts his arm round Soap and shakes him little by little, as if he were a child.

Soap slowly hides his face in Gaz's shoulder, and it's not long before the beta hears sniffling and something wet on his neck.

"It's done..." Soap sighs quietly.

Gaz lightly lays them both down on the bed, giving them little rubs.

"It's done..." Gaz affirms.

═══════════════════════════

Yes, it happened, and yes, there is no happy ending to this story. But this story will have two or three more chapters, which will be the bad ending and the hopeful ending.

If you're going through a difficult time and you're having doubts, see a counsellor for your own good. They will be able to help you.

Take care, and see you guys later.

PS: I guess because I was having a happy day this week, there wasn't much angst, but I'll make it up to you in the next chapter.

[doodler16]

I think what gets me the most about the whole Vaggie being an Angel reveal is that we never got to actually see the falling out scene after they get sent back to Hell after the trial.

Because by the next episode, we already see Vaggie sulking in the lobby while Charlie locked herself in their room. There was no transition between the end of Episode 6 and the start of episode 7.

That cut is so weird and felt incomplete. In the song “You didn’t know” Adam at the end reveals Vaggie is an angel/ex-exorcist then we see Charlie’s goofy shocked face. Then episode 7, it immediately starts and shows Vaggie talking to Angel Dust, Husk, Sir Pentious, and Niffty about Heaven/Hell war. Along with nobody in the room (besides Charlie) caring she was exorcist.

The closest thing to an “argument” Charlie and Vaggie had in episode 7 is Charlie giving Vaggie the cold shoulder then at the end of the episode everything is resolved. Episode 7 could’ve started immediately after Adam exposed Vaggie.

The portal opening with a frustrated Charlie and a nervous Vaggie then we, the audience including Angel Dust, Husk, Niffty, and Sir Pentious would witness the two women’s fight unfolding.

Charlie being frustrated that Vaggie lied to her for 4 years about her true identity and is pissed she found out only from Adam. Charlie’s powers would surge up too. Vaggie would try to calm Charlie down but fails. Vaggie could be on the verge of tears too, trying to explain her situation while begging Charlie not to leave her (truly illustrating how she’s reliant on Charlie).

Then it would snowball into a bigger fight with the main cast and them picking sides. For example: Angel Dust and Sir Pentious would side with Vaggie because the whole point of this hotel is about redemption and they understand what Vaggie has been through despite her living in Heaven. Husk and Niffty are neutral but they overall understand both sides.

Then Alastor watches all this conflict in the background, using his shadows powers or radio. He uses this information (later on in the episode) to not only manipulate Charlie for his own selfish purposes but uses this opportunity to have Charlie rely on him. After that scene it could cut to the morning where Vaggie sulking in the lobby while Charlie locked herself in her room.

[hurlumerlu]

Thicker than

A short THK fic (AO3)

"I’ll explain later," said Kant, something Babe knew to translate by I’ll wait for you to forget about it. He didn’t see how he would, this time. "For now, just tell me you understood."

"I understood."

"So if Bison asks if you’re alright?"

"I say I managed to hide, and you found me before the bullies did."

"Good. Now tell it to me in different words."

"You know this isn’t my first lie, right? You don’t have to coach me through it."

"Humor me."

"I outran them and hid before you arrived."

"Good." Kant repeated. He wasn’t slowing down and it put Babe on edge: his brother never rushed, or more accurately never let it show when he did. Everything had been off since he’d asked for that phone call.

"What if I don’t play along?" That stopped Kant. When he turned, Babe almost took a step back. "I was only jo–"

"I’m sorry," Kant interrupted, "and it’s the last time I ask you something like this. But promise me you’ll lie."

"Yeah, okay. I’m not, like, allergic or any–"

"Promise me, Babe."

"I promise. You’ll explain later?"

"Sure. Come on, he must be there already."

The night got even weirder after that.

"Here’s what I still don’t get, though" said Babe. "You like him."

Kant sighed. "This ain’t really about me." A serious contender for Most Kant Answer Ever, though Babe hadn’t heard it in a while.

He set the dry plate on top of the others. "I think he likes you too."

"Believe it or not" – Kant was scrubbing a little too energetically. Babe had painted that glass when he was eight and, ugly as it was, his brother always washed it with the utmost care – "it ain’t really about him either."

That was a new one. Babe took the glass from Kant’s hand and rinsed it himself. "Who is it about, then?" Wet spoons were handed out to him without so much as a look. He hadn't even finished drying the glass. "Is this when you tell me that whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it for us?"

"You told me to stop saying that."

Babe remembered that argument. Of course, what he’d actually wanted was for his brother to stop thinking that way, but he’d thought that had been clear. Maybe it had been. He should still have been clearer.

"Are we not going to talk about the gun at all?"

"He’s had a rough life, you know." Kant replied in his worst parent-teacher meeting voice. "He just needs to unlearn a few things."

Babe gave up.

don’t wait 4 me tonite, said the text. leftovers in the fridge. If u want 2 invite Knot cool but no alcohol

Bison again? Babe texted back. He might not get an answer, but that wasn’t a reason not to try.

Well. A victory sign emoji was an answer, he supposed.

Where are you going?

😎.

Typical. Babe had read the work of some master wordsmiths, but he would never not be impressed by his brother’s ability to convey Mind your business without a word.

Have fun, then. If that’s indeed the goal.

In a true feat of human communication, the next 😎 he received felt even more pointed.

"Ah," said Kant. "You’re here."

"Sorry." Babe blinked against the flood of light. "Gave my bed to Knot. I didn’t think you’d come home tonight." Kant’s sheets didn’t smell like him – he had changed them this morning – but there was an undeniable comfort to sleeping in his room. And it was miles better than laying awake next to Knot, wondering what amount of incidental contact you could get away with before you fell into creep territory. "You had a good time?"

"Hm."

Kant hadn’t moved, fingers still on the lightswitch. He was, technically, looking at Babe. It didn’t feel like he was looking at anything at all.

Babe got up, feet against the cool floor. "Kant?" But he couldn’t ask are you okay: Kant always replied yes. "Is Bison alright?"

When he got pulled into a hug, Babe didn’t resist. He had so many questions, the list ever growing, yet with his brother clinging to him like this – like he hadn’t done in years, like it would be the last time, like a drowning man struggling to stay afloat – he knew he wouldn’t voice any of them.

He closed his eyes, inhaled, and clung back.

[youcancallmeemma]

Ya'll... I just watched the new Sonic movie (Sonic 3) and I have to say... I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Me ranting about it after the cut!!

SONIC 3 SPOILERS!!

1) Okay, so, first of all. The movie was amazing. I felt so giddy and excited when I was sitting in the movie theate, just waiting for the next thing to happen.

2) I had to hold back my tears when Tom got brutally punched by Shadow, mainly at hoe Sonic reacted at that... poor boy thought he lost another parent:( I didn't want to cry in front of of my brothers. (They would've bullied me bc they always do)

2) Maria was sososososo pretty!!! I really wished that we could've seen more of the sibling dynamic between her and Shadow, but I honestly loved the relationship they had.

4) My boy Tails should've had more screen time though...💔 Along with knuckles...💔 (I understand they already had enough going on in the movie, and I think if they did what I wanted, it probably would've made the movie uncomfortably cramped)

5) TAILS LOOKED SO CUTE WITH THE HELMET ON IN THE HELECOPTER ATVTHE BEGINNING OMG⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ I mentally agreed with Agent Stone when he said Tails was adorable, because he is.

6) Honestly, kinda wished Stone and Tails built up a friendship between them. Would've been fun to see them interact more! (Again, same thing I said earlier in nr.4)

7) I actually thought about this before seeing the movie. If I remembered correctly, the movie is based of Sonic adventure 2 (I believe) And Amy Rose was the one who comforted Shadow and got him to turn from evil to good? (I THINK. I SAW A PLAY THROUGH LIKE 10 YEARS AGO, DON'T YELL AT ME😭) So, I wondered how the would go about this. Honestly, the fact that Sonic comforted Shadow was a little odd to me, but what Sonic said was sweet. Since this is the movies we're talking about, it's on brand that Sonic was comforting him, since basically every single live action Sonic movie has him comforting SOMEBODY. Honestly, I liked it.

8) And... THE WAY MR. OLD REBOTNIC (can't remember name💔) GOT KILLED!?!?!? WHAT!?!? YOU'RE TELLING ME HE FOT STABBED IN THE BUTT BY A SUPER POWERED ALIEN HEDGEHOG QUIL, GOT LUNCHED UP, AND GOT INCINERATED BY A DAMN SHEILD!?!? Woah. Imagine telling other people how you died and someone says THIS to you??? My one brother quite literally looked at me like this when that happened: "😧" (my other brother laughed his arse off)

9) And the final message Robotnic gave Stone?? Omg, you can NOT tell me they didn't have SOMETHING going on over there....

10) Finally, the end credit scene... METAL SONIC AND AMY???? ARAGARAGATSGA!!!! Sigh, Why must I wait for the 4th movie to come out... 😔 (PLEASE GIVE REVERSE SONAMY IN THE NEW MOVJE OLEASE PLEASE PLEAS PLEASE PLEA) Also, when Amy revealed herself a little boy (who had a Sonic CAPE mind you) yelled out "IT'S AMY!!!" He might be a bigger fan then me chat... (I forgot my Tails plush 😔)

11) Fun mini fact about me, I'm not much of a Shadow fan (Don't come at me) so I've never been too interested in him. However, the movie got me much more interested in him, and Shadow is now up there with the others. (Also made me feel much more for the poor boy :<)

12) Overall, the movie was literally the best one I have seen in a WHILE. Even though the movie had a lot going on, I still felt immersed in the story the whole way through. Character development was was amazing, Sonic crashing out was SO COOL??? Tails and Knuckles trying to stop him was just as amazing. Tails looking like a scared kid while Sonic and Knuckles were disagreeing tugged SO HARD onto my heart strings💔 I really recommend the movie, it was a great watch. I do however recommend watching the first two movies before watching the third one.

PLEASE DONT COME AT ME!!!

I am simply a teenage girl who's a little obsessed with the STH franchise and movies.

Also, I am not a proper movie critic. Please don't take this stuff too seriously 🙏🙏 Like I said, I'm simply a teenage girl who likes Sonic.

[slipperylittleturtle]

i have all four of the 4* spicy cards now

each one is fabulous, but what i find the most interesting? each secret times feels like it takes place at various stages of a relationship. it's incredibly difficult to compare them because they each offer something completely different.

i decided to analyze each memory, specifically focused on the stage of the relationship. without understanding this context, i think it becomes tricky to understand the subtext and communication between couples when listening to the memories.

spoilers from here on:

xavier -

this is such an early relationship/honeymoon phase memory! these two are exploring, figuring things out, stumbling. it's actually adorable.

it's clear that mc is hesitant and uncertain. she both rushes things and holds back. she's trying to communicate her needs but hasn't quite built up the confidence or language to do so yet.

xavier is hungry. to me, he's desperately trying to figure out what makes her feel good, while simultaneously overstimulated by everything.

this guy is also way up in his head, but i don't think he realizes it. the way he shifts things and takes the lead at times, i am almost certain he's channeling decades' worth of smut he's read and trying to figure out what happens next.

the two, together, have always been big on role-playing. they find every opportunity to embellish the current situation, and that stays true throughout this secret times. xavier's probably got a scrape, mc was worried sick while he was gone, and they will find any excuse to get their hands on each other the moment they can.

rafayel -

sylus -

while this memory is still early relationship, it's well past the clumsy, exploratory stage. these two are still riding the high of falling for each other, more confident but still clingy.

grand gestures, like mc showing up to surprise rafayel, is what makes the most sense at this point in the relationship. how else can they show each other they care? they haven't quite progressed to the true partnership stage of their relationship yet.

these two are handsy, needy, desperate to connect with each other. there's a clear confidence in how their bodies work together, a history of exploring and understanding each others needs and wants.

lust probably outpaces love here. they're building a foundation of trust and love, but lust still has its temptation and sparkle. everything at this stage is about feeling good, satisfying desires, being together.

it isn't shallow, by any means, but their relationship also hasn't built depth and complexity yet. this is the going steady, boyfriend/girlfriend, not quite ready to think about forever but can't imagine not being together, fun part.

sylus and mc are such an established partnership of individuals. they clearly aren't a family unit yet, but there's a trust and a flow here that makes it clear it isn't new.

their coupling is sensual, needy, but lacking the uncertainty and clumsiness of a new relationship. they almost play at uncertainty, clearly communicating under the surface but playing pretend with their words.

they seem to be egging each other on, almost. both are fiercely independent, both are fully capable and trust the other to handle themselves when they are apart. but their exchange feels like a way to share their vulnerabilities and fears with a mask of teasing to make it less raw.

this is partnership. clear communication, reassurance, trust. plus, they clearly know each others bodies. the mess of intimacy is simply part of it, something to laugh at together.

it's such an important part of a growing and lasting relationship, finding your confidence as individuals, together. these two have it locked in.

zayne -

this one is full marital bliss. this is a couple years in, they are busy in their lives, but still completely in love. this is two people taking time for each other when they can't make time for each other.

this one feels so real to me, because it can be so difficult to make space for intimacy in a relationship when the stress of life gets in the way. starting with a massage is a perfect way to transition, mentally and physically, from the fast pace of the world to the bubble of your relationship.

this memory is two people who are making small sacrifices to prioritize their connection and each other's needs. to me, it's the most intimate of them all. they communicate, they play and tease, but all of it comes with a strong foundation of trust. these two know each other so deeply.

[sailorscout93]

Okay part 2 of Cynthia and Ariana’s commentary notes I’m making starting immediately after The Wizard and I until the incident in Dr. Dillamond’s classroom. This one also features some random fun facts about me and some random facts I know that weren’t mentioned in the commentary.

1. Ari being so self conscious of her writing in the letter to ‘Momsie and Popsicle’ 😂

2. I love how Ariana keeps referring to Elphaba as Elphie when talking about the character, she really is Glinda but also…. I’ve done that too when talking about these characters to people. I call Elphaba ‘Elphie’ more often than her full name and I regularly switch between “Galinda” and “Glinda” and while I try to keep it depending on whether they’re at Shiz being Galinda and from the train to the Emerald City onward to parts I haven’t seen yet because I haven’t seen the full story of Act II or anything that could potentially occur post canon in fanfics I read and such being Glinda, I regularly still manage to use them interchangeably

3. “Bowen and Bronwyn ATE this choreography!” (During What is This Feeling?) I know Bowen Yang specifically was very self conscious about dancing in this movie so to hear them praise them about it makes me so happy

4. Cynthia mentioning that “This was my birthday! Well, my first birthday that occurred while we were filming….” For the part when Elphaba comes out from behind Galinda’s stuff with the pink parasol. Just a little fun fact but ALSO it reminds you JUST HOW LONG they worked on these 2 movies to think that at the very least Cynthia had TWO birthdays during filming. Knowing that both of them auditioned in Summer 2021, I’m guessing that first birthday for her would’ve been January 2022 (yes Cynthia’s birthday is next week for those who didn’t know). So please cut the crying girls in the press tour some slack, they’ve been working on this and been in this world for 3 and a half years now, of course they’re emotional!

5. Cynthia’s “Jon always managed to catch my weirdest facial expressions!” But Ariana loves them! (And so do I)

6. Ari CRINGING at Galinda’s behavior in Dr. Dillamond’s classroom. She gets it! She knows Galinda was playing a part, knew she was being watched, that she was just a shell of who Galinda actually is. She wasn’t her best. But then praising Elphie and Cynthia’s like “Nah, this isn’t Elphaba’s best either. She’s also a shadow of her true self here.” I LOVE how talented they are that they can both SO EMBODY these characters so much to the point that they can portray a shadow of that character’s true nature!

7. Ariana is back to fangirling over Cynthia with her “awww I love you two together!” About Elphie and Dr. Dillamond 😂 as Terrible as Galinda acts in that whole scene, Ari’s true nature shines through in the commentary about how much she loves Elphaba and Dr. Dillamond

8. Ari: “How are we gonna make it through the whole movie?!” Cynthia: *groans* “I don’t know!” PLS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

If you’re still here I don’t know how I AM GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH THIS WHOLE MOVIE! Lol it took me 2 parts and like 2 hours just to get through the first hour of the commentary 😂 this is gonna end up being a multi part, possibly multi day saga of me trying to get through the commentary with my own commentary! Expect by the end its gonna be 5 or 6 parts

[coraniaid]

Season 7 should have given us Amy as a vengeance demon.

Season 4's Something Blue established -- and Season 7's Selfless will remind us -- that D'Hoffryn creates vengeance demons by finding young women who are angry and in pain and using magic to seek revenge on the world and offering to 'elevate' them. Selfless in particular ends with D'Hoffryn -- short two vengeance demons now, compared to the start of the episode -- smugly reminding Anya that there are "plenty of girls" and "there will be always be vengeance demons".

Then, a few episodes later, The Killer In Me brings back Amy Madison. Amy is a practicing witch -- maybe by this point the second most powerful one we've seen on the show, after Willow -- and she feels she has been wronged by the world. (Honestly not without reason! Her own mother stole her body for months when she was sixteen; a mob of adults under the influence of a demon -- possibly including her own father, although we don't see him we do know that all the other parents were affected -- tried to burn her at the stake; she only survived that by turning herself into a rat, a form she was stuck in for three years; the girl who decided to keep her as a pet -- and only turned her back into a human because she got dumped and was lonely -- almost immediately cut off all contact with her, even though Amy explicitly hadn't got anybody else to turn to for support; and none of her old friends have been speaking to her ever since [and okay, the show doesn't remember that Buffy and Xander were Amy's friends, but I do!].)

And Amy's pretty clearly trying to use her magic for revenge on Willow. She tells Kennedy that she just cast a hex on Willow "for fun", but the rest of her speech ("Willow always had all the power […] it just came so easy for her. The rest of us - we had to work twice as hard to be half as good. But no one cares about how hard you work. They just care about cute, sweet Willow. [...] She gave in to evil - stuff worse than I can even imagine - she almost destroyed the world! And yet everyone keeps on loving her?") tells a different story. I mean, compare this to Faith's speech to Buffy in Enemies. Does it sound like Amy is having fun? And look at how she describes her spell: "the hex I cast lets the victim's subconscious pick the form of their punishment." That doesn't exactly fit the narrative that this is just some sort of game to Amy.

No, it's personal. Amy is angry with Willow. She wants to punish her. Punishment implies that Amy think Willow's done something to unfairly treat her in some way. And what does Amy want in return? Well, vengeance. (Remember, "it's not about hate," she tells Kennedy. Sure. The thing about Amy complaining that everyone keeps loving Willow despite everything, as she does, is that it implies that, logically, Amy herself must...)

So, to sum up. Halfway through the season, we've recalled or established that:

Vengeance demons are recruited when young women who are capable of powerful magic use that magic to seek revenge on the people they blame for their misfortunes

D'Hoffyrn is short a couple of vengeance demons, but confident they can be replaced

Amy is a young woman who is capable of powerful magic and is currently using that magic to seek revenge on the woman she blames for her misfortune

And then ... well. That's it! Neither character appears on screen again. Other than a slightly weird moment in Get It Done (when, apparently, D'Hoffryn has decided he does want to kill Anya after all, ignoring the fact he actively chose not to in Selfless), neither character is even mentioned again.

But surely the next step is obvious? And Amy as vengeance demon (or even having Amy make the active choice to turn down the chance to be a vengeance demon) would make so much sense. It fits in with her frequent use as a foil to Willow; it was Willow, after all, who turned down the chance to become a vengeance demon in Something Blue. It would work so well as a way of showing that, First Evil aside, the wider world is continuing to go on: that the cycle we saw with Anya and Halfrek isn't over, that there will still be evil out there for the newly activated Potential Slayers to fight against. It would mark some sort of conclusion to Amy's arc over the last seven seasons. It would give the illusion that the writers actually cared about her as a character.

... oh, hang on, wait, I think I see why they didn't bother now.

[cantareincminor]

Day 4: Favorite Opening

Hands down, opening 2, set to “Souvenir.”

The implication that Twilight sees all these small moments of joy with his fake family as souvenirs he can take with him later on, wherever he goes next, is both heartwarming and heartbreaking. This is a man who literally tossed out his original identity and all his belongings in a trash can at age 18, and in the first episode is seen doing the same with his mask for a completed mission (but it’s even more dramatic as he sets it on fire). He carries nothing with him from his previous life/lives other than memories in his head. And he isn’t the type of person to relive them.

So for this song, and for the entire opening to be filled to the brim with such soft beautiful colorful moments with Anya, Yor, and Bond, interspersed with the dark isolating shadows of Yor and Twilight’s clandestine professions, says a TON about this man’s psyche and hidden longing for family, love, and a normal, peaceful life.

I love the theme of light and how each of the characters turns or runs toward it. The soft pink and orange and yellow hues of sunset and flowers and autumn. You would think that autumn evokes the fading of the light and the time when flowers die and trees fall dormant, but still the family finds joy during the sunset, with Yor and Anya literally chasing the sunset in that breathtaking montage in the field, and then having fun at a carnival in the middle of the night. It reveals that it isn’t the actual light of the sun or the season of the year that grants them happiness and hope. It’s the light of their family bonds. This is also highlighted briefly in the childhood flashback where Yor comforts Yuri as he buries a pet fish. Something dear to a child’s heart just died, but Yuri is not crying and he is not alone. His sister is there with him with the gentlest smile and a hand on his shoulder. Teaching acceptance of the harsh realities of poverty and war, and having hope regardless.

And hello, this is still really early in canon! Twilight is still deep in denial about his feelings for his family. No secrets have been revealed. But perhaps this opening is trying to communicate that lovely honeymoon period when you first enter a relationship and discover all the wonderful things about a new friend or partner, or even after the birth or adoption of a child when you are so hopeful and grateful to care for this new innocent life. In contrast with the shadows you were steeped in before, you can’t help but feel like you’re dancing on air and light when this new family embraces you as you are.

These screenshots speak for themselves:

[expresso-bean]

Then Man Out of Time [A Shadamy and Silver Story]: Chapter 26

Pairing: Shadow the Hedgehog x Amy Rose

Description: It has been seven years of peace following the grueling war with Eggman and his army. Though it took time to rebuild what they have lost, life for the Freedom Fighters could not be better. Whether it's finding love or trying to run from their past, celebrating post-war times has been different for each them.

All is well until a silver hedgehog comes knocking on Amy Rose's door to deliver the tragic news about an incredible force that seems to be the cause of the future's destruction.

Will anyone believe the mysterious hedgehog's cry for help? Or will he be left to fight for his future alone? Read to find out!

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.8k

POV: Shadow the Hedgehog

Masterlist ❀ Ch.1 ❀ Ch.2 ❀ Ch.3 ❀ Ch.4 ❀ Ch.5 ❀ Ch.6 ❀ Ch.7 ❀ Ch.8 ❀ Ch.9 ❀ Ch.10 ❀ Ch.11 ❀ Ch.12 ❀ Ch.13 ❀ Ch.14 ❀ Ch.15 ❀ Ch.16 ❀ Ch.17 ❀ Ch.18 ❀ Ch.19 ❀ Ch.20 ❀ Ch.21 ❀ Ch.22 ❀ Ch.23 ❀ Ch.24 ❀ Ch.25

I looked down at the bowl of smushed tomatoes that I had cruelly bludgeoned to a messy pulp. Whatever was in the bowl would hardly considered to be a sauce.

'It looks like a massacre,' I wanted to whisper. 'Maybe I need to add another tomato?'

I looked beside me to S opening the rice cooker and lifting up the vapor plate. He carefully poured the contents of the plate into a pool of brown sauce that he'd been preparing for the past ten minutes. The sweet smell of the vegetables made my mouth begin to water slightly.

'Anyone could see that his abilities put mine to shame,' I continued to smoosh the contents of the bowl with so much force that the juices began to stain my white gloves a bright red color. 'Not that I would ever make that known to him.'

I put down the fork I was using and grabbed the salt from the spice rack on the countertop. I unscrewed the top of the shaker and began lightly sprinkling the salt in.

'How much should I even put in?'

I shook the shaker a few more times, still feeling unsatisfied. 

'I did say that I like salty things. Maybe she expects it to be salty?' I shook the shaker harder for a few more seconds until I could no longer see the tomatoes anymore. A crusty, pinkish layer was all that was visible. 'I think that is enough?'

"How is the sauce coming along?"

As he looked down at the content of the bowl, his eyebrows raised. I did my best to not look insulted. Though, I knew it was warranted. 

"I've only just started."

"Can I try?" I nodded. He took a fork and slushed the 'sauce' around before putting some in his mouth. His lips scrunched up as tears pricked at his eyes. "Ooh, that's pretty salty." He heaved out, placing the fork onto a small plate I had set aside for the utensils. "How much did you put in there?"

"Aren't they supposed to be salty?"

S shook his head. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and stood next to me by the sink. I gave up smashing the tomatoes from the bowl. It was nothing but a slop of juice and pulp.

"Not like that," He poured himself some water straight from the sink. I would have told him about the cold, purified water in the refrigerator. But his remarks on my culinary skills made him worthy of the lukewarm tap water he was going to consume. "Where is Amy anyway?" He gulped down the water so fast that he nearly choked at his first inhalation of fresh air. "Ow, maybe I shouldn't have drank it that fast."

'You think?'

S doubled over, holding his side.

'He...is more strange than usual,' S grunted again. He tried to say something through his teeth, but failed. 'Or is he dying?'

"You made your stomach cramp from drinking the water too fast. Steady your breathing and rub the area. If you panic, it will make the pain worse."

S unfolded himself and with a shaky arm he grabbed onto the countertop and hoisted himself up. His body shivered as he tried to breath.

"G-got it..."

He rubbed his side slowly. He bit back grunts of pain in between rubs. I stood there watching him repeat the same process over and over again.

'He's so helpless sometimes.'

"You think I'd be used to it by now. My stomach always get sensitive from traveling."

A hum in response is all I could muster. Just watching him frail up like that was enough for me to pity him and allow him to air out his story.

'No one knows anything about him other than the role he plays in a future wasteland. This could be the chance to try and see who he really is.'

"I was only fourteen when I began the practice trial runs. None of us knew what to expect from it. One the day of my first one, my father gathered the whole neighborhood to send me off. This couple prepared some soup for me made from rice noodles and a wild boar her partner had captured. It scared my father a bit because meals like that are only supposed to be served on special occasion like if someone is born or if someone dies," S' interrupted himself by coughing. He grunted, holding his side and trying to maintain his posture. "S-sorry..." He whispers.

"Your straining yourself."

"No, no, I'm fine. I'm almost done," He breathes in and out slowly before continuing. "I was meant to stay for half a day since the time device needs to be in idle for twelve hours before it is used again. When I finally got the chance to eat some of the food, well, it didn't go so well for me when I jumped back into my current time."

'The watch's ability to allow him to jump through time puts momentous strain on his body? I may have been underestimating his competency.'

"I learned the hard way why you should travel on a full stomach. I still can't eat pork belly to this day. My stomach refuses," He laughed. "I can eat noodles funnily enough. It was hard at first, but I got over that hurdle."

I hummed again only to indicate I was still paying attention to his incessant rambles. I could hear his breathing slowly going back to normal the more he spoke. The breathing technique I showed him seemed to be working.

"So far, I've been snacking on the instant noodles you guys have. They're amazing!" He gleamed. "It sucks, though. The more I enjoy the innovations of this timeline, the more I think about all the starving people this could have helped in the future."

I then turned to look at him. Even through his pain, he sounded confident in his ranting, not caring if he had an audience.

Glimpsing at him was like putting up a mirror to my past. All those moments after escaping my prison, standing alone plotting revenge, monologuing to anything in my sight.

'That feeling. I know it so well,' I kept my mouth shut, not even bothering to look at him. 'Why is he telling me this?'

"I don't mean to ramble. Talking distracts from the pain. Tails taught me that."

"He was your uncle, right?"

S looked conflicted for a moment. With his body still doubled over, he managed to smile softly.

"Tails raised me, along with Cream and my father. The three of them taught me a lot."

"I'm sorry." I meant my apology with all sincerity. A pang of guilt shot through my body. It wasn't until now I realized how much we truly have in common. It was in that moment of my weakness I realized this was the most I have spoken to him since he got to this timeline.

'I know what it is like to lose yourself for so long,' I sighed. Memories flowed back to me as hard as a wave crashed against rocks on the shore. I forgot how hard it was to experience all that loss on my own. How heavy the burden of loss is to a lonely person. 'He lost everything. Through the impossible, he found a way to travel through time to repair everything that had been broken. To help people that he did not even get to meet in his own lifetime.'

The more I stare at the red hue of the sauce, the more I think of Rose. I would not be standing here making a mockery of culinary art without her kindness and belief that I had something stronger within me than revenge and hate. She found love still resided in me—love for creatures and beings alike.

Love for the place Maria adored and called home.

I swore I would die to protect it. I would die to protect Rose and the people she loves. But the one person who could help is the same person I have been pushing away since he arrived.

'He has a good heart. I have not been exercising the kindness both of them fostered within me.'

"I..." When our eyes met, my voice trailed off. There was a familiarity within them.

'Where have I seen them before?'

I cleared my throat and tried to brush my question off. S tilted his head as he, no doubt, waited for me to finish my sentiment.

"Yeah?" He questioned, still slumped over.

"You asked earlier where Rose went. She is at the store, grabbing some refreshments. She mentioned some things she wanted you to try."

"Really!" He gasped, and I flinched at his eager response. "I hope she gets the fruit stuff again. Those things are GOOD!" 

"Keep yourself composed before you go on and hurt yourself again."

"Oh, you're right," He chuckled. I could tell his voice was slightly strained from his groaning in pain earlier. "What is that stuff I ate anyway?"

"It's sauce."

"THAT is the sauce?" S covered his mouth and mumbled out what I think was meant to be an apology. "I didn't mean to say it like that. It, um, has a good color to it."

'So my suspicions were right. This is wrong,' I put what I had been clenching in my fist down back in the bowl and sighed. 'I've never made anything like this before, I have no choice but to...'

"S?"

"Huh?" He hummed.

'Ask him for help.'

"I need..." My voice trailed off. The words were stuck in my throat, which was now dry.

'Why is my chest so heavy? It's just a request. The worst he could say is no,'

"You need...?" He questioned, a nervous smile on his face. I could tell I was making him uncomfortable with the silence between us.

'I retract that. The worst thing is asking him of all people for a request.'

"I need to learn how to make a pasta dish,"

'Finally. That was...hard.'

"It's for Amy. She deserves to have something nice to eat in these times."

My face grew hot with embarrassment. 'Why did I phrase it so strange?'

"Oh, that's easy! I'd love to help!"

'Really? Just like that? Has it always been this easy to ask for favors?"

"Perfect timing, too. I helped Amy pick up some groceries the other day. We can make the sauce tonight. Do you want me to show you how to make it?"

"That would be...a lot of help."

"Cool," S smiled, moving away from the counter and stretching his body upright. A few of his joints popped as his back adjusted itself. "Let's wait till she goes to bed; it shouldn't take long to make, so you'll still be able to get some rest."

"Hm. I agree."

'Never in my life would I put myself in this predicament, but for Rose, I'd do this and more.'

[balkanradfem]

So, nobody asked, but I am going to tell you about a weird health(?) thing that I have going on, just because I think it's weird and funny, and not all that concerning but kinda like, interesting.

I've been going on about how I have low blood pressure, and this winter it's been worse than ever; which is curious. Because low blood pressure is usually the worst in summer when it's hot, but here I am, in December, collapsing on the floor and losing my vision every time I stand up, feeling dizzy all day because my blood is just not feeling it. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna work on this, I'm gonna salt my food double, I'm gonna drink tons of water, so I did all that. And nothing, I'm still collapsing all the time.

But, I've noticed that every time I go outside in the freezing cold, I'm suddenly feeling clear and awake and better. So I got an idea, and I shut off the heating in my room. And this worked! Being in a constantly cold room made sure I breathe in only the cold air and it helped me normalize the blood pressure, finally I was better. I was wearing warm clothing and hiding under covers and blankets to deal with the cold.

Until one day, I was feeling very unwell, uncomfortable and upset, and I couldn't figure out what it was for the whole day, until by the end I realized my problem was that I was overheating. I figured I must have been too warmed up, so I changed into light summer pajama, and instead of my winter cover, I used my summer cover (which is just a light blanket wrapped in a sheet). And I'm lying there like, hmm, this logically isn't right; it's the end of December, temperatures outside are below zero, this room isn't heated, I'm wearing only light clothing and using a light cover, if I go to sleep like this I'm going to catch a cold. But I couldn't stand anything more warm than this so I went to sleep like that, and the next day, I had to go to work, and I was worried that I was gonna be sick.

But I wasn't, and while working I even opened up a window because the unheated room at work was also too warm for me. I came home like what is up with this, this is not my normal winter behaviour! I am usually in two sweaters, with a warm cover, in a heated room, wearing a scarf on top of all that! But every time I would try to wear any warm clothing, or put a warm cover on, I would get upset, uncomfortable, frustrated, restless and dizzy; I could only relax while in the cold.

I also lost the sense to tell the temperature; I can't tell at any point anymore if my body is warm or not, I struggle to tell if the air in the room is warm or cold, I can tell that my toes and fingers are kinda cold but I don't mind it anymore. It's now been several weeks of this and I'm still only able to be in light clothing in a cold room. If I even get into a warm shower I get all uncomfortable and dizzy, my blood pressure is immediately bad. But as long as I am in the cold, my blood pressure seems fine.

Possibly related to this, my neutral body temperature is 35,5 celsius, it used to be 36,6 when I was young but about 10 years ago it defaulted to 35,5, and if it goes any higher I am in a fever. I've not been sick or feverish though, I can't really tell what my temperature is now because I do not own a themometer, I've just been checking my forehead and it's normal. So I have a few theories about what is going on!

1. I'm turning into a vampire. My body craves the cold because my blood is trying to reach the temperature of zero as well.

2. I'm turning into a werewolf. I'm too hot because I'm secretly growing fur all over my body and any kind of clothing or covers will soon be unecessary

3. I've pissed off a witch and she threw a curse at me, saying something like 'you'll not be warm this winter' and now this is where we are

4. Cold never bothered me anyway. I'm developing my new ice powers and temperatures over zero would melt me.

Has anyone else heard of this kind of thing? My friend told me I must be menopausal but I don't get any flashes, I just can't stand any warmth!

[writeouswriter]

TBR Tag Game

Rules: Share 9 books you read this year (last year now, whoops, forgot this in my drafts) and 9 books you're looking forward to reading this next year.

Thank you, @memento-morri-writes for the tag <3

I have actually been horribly slacking on reading the past year, smallest amount of books I've ever completed in a year probably in my life due to a slump and being generally busy and demotivated so I don't even have 9 books to share 😭 so, *that one sad audio from tiktok videos* this is all I got, this is all I got:

1. Ellie Jordan, Ghost Trapper by J.L. Bryan, and because I love yapping, mini review: Not terrible but incredibly generic, somewhat poorly paced and unmemorable.

2. Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller: Fascinating from a literature standpoint, brilliant commentary, not my favourite play, but very enjoyable to pick apart and think about. I understand why it's a classic.

3. The Girl in the Green Silk Gown by Seanan McGuire: I always feel bad because the author's like around here somewhere but genuinely loathe this, fantastic concept and vibes, but horrible/boring execution with an absolutely ludicrous amount of repetition (and a bizarre focus on peeing).

4. Radiance by Catherynne M. Valente: Simultaneously a love letter to and exposé of Old Hollywood, classic sci-fi, Greek tragedy, Fairy Tales, Detective Noir, and film in general, this is genuinely one of the most unique, gorgeous, beautiful and poetically written books I have ever read.

5. Moon Knight by Lemire & Smallwood: The Complete Collection: In a word, bizarre, lot of good details, lot of iffy details, questionable quality overall but with some standout moments.

6. Silver Screen Fiend by Patton Oswalt: I bought this at a thrift store to get out of a slump at the start of the year, figuring being written by a comedian, it would be a fast paced read. It was... but I also learned I hate Oswalt's brand of comedy. Very forced middle aged man still with the mind of a teenage boy comedy, who thinks toilet humour, mashing references together or being offensive for the sake of it is peak hilarious or something like that, idk it's been a while. Had some okay moments though.

And to get to the 9, uh 3 of the many books I'm currently reading perhaps:

7. The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. Leguin

8. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

9. Hamlet by William Shakespeare

Honorable mention to the Blackberry book, about the rise and fall of the blackberry phone, riveting stuff, I know.

There are many many books I'm excited to read though, even if I haven't had the chance to get to them yet, so 9 random ones from my tbr I'm looking forward to reading this year hopefully:

1. Godkiller by Hannah Kaner (friends have been recommending it for a while but I'm just now trying higher fantasy)

2. The Poisoner's Ring by Kelley Armstrong

3. Tales From the Gas Station by Jack Townsend

4. The Iceman Cometh by Eugene O'Neill

5. Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir

6. Contact by Carl Sagan (been meaning to read this for years 😭 loved the movie)

7. Elantris by Brandon Sanderson

8. (Hopefully!) A Rental Car Takes A Left Down Rake Street and Disappears by the lovely, talented @albatris

9. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo (yes I'm like ages behind in popular books)

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And tagging if you'd like if you haven't already done it: @karolinarodrigueswrites, @albatris, @horrorgirlreads, @mary-is-writing, @druidx, @thewalkingnerd, @transmasc-wizard, @multi-lefaiye, @merelyafigment, @sleepytypewriter, @tmifangirl28, @farrradays, @bethnaberrie, @anyone who wants to do this, you are tagged <3