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gugapuppy · 16 days ago

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Abortion - Part 10 Hopeful End (A!Ghost x O!Soap)

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8 || Part 9 (Bad End) || Part 10 (Hopeful End)

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There's a lil confort here, hope u like it.

Tag: Character death (Not Ghoap)

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People tend to deny reality when everything collapses on them. Simon did the same.

For a few weeks he called Johnny's mobile phone in the hope of being answered, but of course it didn't work. Johnny was moving on.

Ghost only stopped calling when Price called him into his office to tell him that the omega had asked him to stop calling. At first, Ghost tried to deny the request, saying that he just needed to explain himself and all that.

But Price, being the man of reason, sat Ghost down and explained why he should stop.

"Simon, you have to get help, I know what happened was hard for you, but me, Kyle, Kate and the other soldiers are suffering too. You're not alone, son. Just think about it, Soap wouldn't want to see you like this."

That night as Ghost sat at his desk, tracing the letters in Soap's letter. Rereading and rereading, perhaps trying to etch the phrases into his mind like a prayer to himself.

Perhaps Price was right, Ghost really was being ignorant. How could he demand something when he wasn't worthy, when he was just an arsehole.

He had to do better, just like Soap. Simon needed to seek improvement, to seek forgiveness for himself, so that one day, when he was cured, he could apologise to Johnny face to face.

The next morning, Ghost asked the captain to help him find a good therapist. The surprise in the captain's eyes and the slight smile on his face further confirmed that Simon had made the right choice.

The first session with the therapist was uncomfortable to say the least. The introductions were basic, but Andy, the therapist, had been given previous information about Ghost.

The first topic discussed was the months of torture with Roba in Mexico. And that led to the topic of family, something that made Ghost almost shut down, but of course he was against it as he remembered why he was doing it.

There were a few weeks of discussions, ones in which Simon got angry, laughed at the stupid things he'd done, and got tired of remembering some other moments.

But one day, they finally got round to the most recent problem, that being the ‘break-up’ with Johnny. Ghost gave the best explanation he had, and Andy listened silently.

"You thought he cheated on you," Ghost nodded. "I understand, but I'd like to ask, did he ever give you any signs?"

"No, I trusted him with everything I had, I just..." Ghost twirls his finger in the air.

"You thought there was no way this child could be yours, you were sure of it, you acted on emotion and it was certainly an expected reaction in this situation."

Ghost even now doubts whether that was the appropriate reaction.

"Maybe if I'd done something earlier, if I-"

"There's no point in thinking ‘what if’, Mr Riley. If you keep dwelling on these thoughts, you'll doubt yourself every time something goes wrong in your day-to-day life."

This will be difficult for Simon, on the pitch he doesn't have this problem but in his personal life... maybe he can start little by little.

Baby steps, they say, right?

——💀——

The light from the infirmary was strong against Ghost's eyes, and every night he had to endure it until it went out.

He had lost a lot of blood and minor injuries on the last mission, Price had forced him to stay in the infirmary until everything was stabilised and to the old man's surprise, Ghost wasn't opposed to it.

He always refused for fear of needles and unknown hands on him, fears that originated in Mexico, Andy said in one of the sessions months ago.

They were treating it little by little, of course the fear would never go away, but he could be better at not letting it get to him. It was uncomfortable at times.

Luckily Price had managed to find him a room on his own, with no-one to bother him. Or so he thought until someone knocked on the door.

Sighing heavily, he says to the door. "Come in." Ghost just didn't expect whoever came through the door to be Laswell alone. And surprisingly, she seemed... calm, at least her odour indicated that.

The last time he had contact with her was the day he returned to base and received Johnny's letter. After that, alpha refused to work with Ghost, passing on the necessary information to Price and another operator to follow in the field.

"Watcher..."

"Ghost..."

They stare at each other for a moment, awkwardly long followed by silence, with only the wind outside whipping through the trees.

Laswell sits down in a chair next to the bed, she props herself up and crosses her arms. "How are you?"

Ghost swallows dryly, feeling a tingle in his throat. "I'm fine, better than I thought."

"That's good."

In another moment of silence, Ghost finally asks. "Why are you here, boss?"

An emotion, perhaps pity or caution, passes through Laswell's eyes before she says. "Price told me you'd been hurt, turned into a fountain of blood."

"He's got a way with words, that old geezer." He laughs lightly.

"Definitely," she rests her arms on her knees. "...He said you started therapy."

After those conversations with Price and the late nights, there was no way he wasn't going to start seeing a shrink, he needed to get better.

"Yeah, I needed it... six months of talking and medication, it's good, I think I'm starting to understand myself a bit."

Laswell smiles at that. "Good, I'm happy for you Simon."

"Kate," Ghost licks his lips, a little nervously. "I'm sorry I was such an arsehole to you that day. I was angry and desperate about everything that was happening. I understand why you hit me, I deserved it."

Alpha doesn't get in the way as Ghost speaks, her blue eyes analysing him until he's finished. She then gets up and approaches him.

"When Price told me about you, that you'd sought help, I was surprised, I had to see for myself." She slowly takes Ghost's hand. "May I?"

She wants to scent Ghost, does he deserve to be soothed by her? To be marked out as part of the pack? He nods, maybe he should accept that.

Laswell rubs Ghost's wrist against her neck. "Thanks." He murmurs

Laswell gives him a happy smile, she goes back and sits down in the chair. Perhaps things will return to normal in a while. Trivial conversations, parties and living in peace.

It might take a while, but Simon is willing to wait.

——💀——

Most days they are easy and calm, simple missions that have returned to normal, even the soldiers seem to have got a bit more used to Ghost who was calmer. They even crack a few jokes here and there.

Today especially, after completing a complicated operation, they decided to celebrate in one of the bars, and Price was of course buying all the rounds. Price, Gaz, Ghost and several other soldiers went, some staying to sleep.

It would have been an easy night, if it hadn't been for one thing.

The pub they decided to go to had four couples spread out, making the sweetest things possible that would make anyone's tooth fall out. Alphas and omegas rubbing necks.

And for a man who was already slightly too drunk from celebrating with the rest of the staff, seeing these couples loving each other made a bad feeling sink into the lieutenant's stomach.

Thoughts that had begun to disappear now resurfaced, along with a wave of remorse and sorrow that filled Simon's eyes and choked his throat.

He gets up from where he was sitting, half stumbling, saying he needed some air. No-one seems to notice except for Price, who looks at him with a little concern but does nothing.

The icy air hits Simon's eyes, which are beginning to water, and he walks over to a small alleyway next door, pulls out a cigarette and lights it, taking a puff.

Simon is a terrible person, because he of all people has to get fucked, and it's not the fault of others but of himself for not being able to do something right.

Sometimes Roba should have finished the job and made Simon join his family on that bloody floor.

Simon slides down the wall, falling onto the dirty floor next to a stinking rubbish bin. A whimper escapes his throat.

He pulls out his mobile phone, looking at the bright, clear light of his wallpaper. Johnny, him and Johnny hugging and smiling at the camera. He needed to change this photo, he'd never done it, he didn't have anything to replace it with.

What was Johnny doing now? Was he asleep? Celebrating like 141? Perhaps visiting his mum? If Simon could only ask, ask how he was, not ask for a chance, but just a friendship.

Maybe he should ask, he could try calling, right?

The cigarette already forgotten and lying on the ground, blown out by the wind, made the smell of tobacco spread through the air, a quick dizziness passed through Simon as he dialled Johnny's number.

At the first ring of the mobile phone anxiety set in, at the second fear, at the third Simon felt his jaw quiver, biting his lips and trying to stop the choking hiccups from coming out.

He was weak, he was drunk and doing something he shouldn't have done, he'd thrown himself into the ‘what ifs’.

When the call isn't answered and the operation tells him to leave a message, that's when the first sob finally comes out. He bangs his head against the wall, almost mumbling, pleading into his mobile phone, even though he knows no one will hear the message.

"Johnny... How are you? I'm fine, Price brought everyone to celebrate a mission..." Simon chokes on a solution and coughs momentarily, something runs down his cheeks and he knows what it is.

"I... I started seeing a therapist almost a year ago... you were right, I needed to seek forgiveness... I'm still trying to understand, you know." His vision blurs and Simon has to blink a few times.

"Sometimes it's hard to breathe at night, every time I feel... broken. But Price is always there to help me, just like you used to. I was such an idiot, you know, I lost myself in something that sent my head into a self-mutilating spiral..." The words come out a little slurred because of the drink in his system.

Simon pulls his knees to his chest, trembling slightly. "Laswell and I are becoming friends again... the soldiers seem to like me more, if you had to see the jokes we exchanged in training, you'd laugh..."

"B-But..." He coughs again, taking a deep breath, feeling phlegm dripping from his lips. "I think Gaz still hates me, I un-understand him, he's your best friend isn't he... I promise I'll try to do better by him, so he can see that I'm trying to improve..."

"I hope he and I can have a friendship someday... again."

A few more seconds pass, the mobile phone next to his ear is pulled out of Simon's hand, and he slowly hears someone leaning against the wall and sitting down next to him.

"Price..."

"Wrong name."

Simon lifts his head, looking with slightly widened eyes at Kyle who had disconnected the call with Johnny and switched off his mobile. Leaving them both in the darkness of the alley. Only cars and people's conversations could be heard.

"Sorry..."

"It's all right."

"It's not... I shouldn't have called."

"Then why did you call?"

"...I don't know... I guess... I wanted to know how he was."

"He's fine... he told me."

"Good."

They remain silent, Simon tries to wipe his face with the sleeve of his shirt. Gaz crosses his arms, not looking at the lieutenant.

"I can't forgive you for what happened."

"I know."

"You were a scumbag, you hurt a person who would have given anything to make you well."

"I know... I fucking know."

"He cried for nights, he waited for a sign, he waited for you."

Ghost doesn't answer, a louder whimper echoes through the alley, he sobs, his chest aching and burning.

"I really want to trust that you're better, you've sought help and that says a lot, the soldiers like you more than before, Laswell has even gone back on missions with you..."

Gaz gets up from where he was sitting. "I don't think I can have a normal relationship with you again, but I'll try to be cordial... just don't go wrong again Simon."

Gaz walks to the beginning of the alley, he stops momentarily. "Price wants to go, come on."

And just like that, Kyle is out of sight, leaving Simon to reflect and sore on the dirty floor. A well-deserved place for him.

——💀——

Applause echoed in the large hall, the smell of food made mouths salivate, and the drunkest danced on the dance floor, enjoying the peaceful evening after Price's promotion to Major.

There were so many people in the place that it made Ghost wonder how many people Price had met in his life.

Farah and Alex were present, and the couple chatted to Ghost for a moment, handing him a wedding invitation, which was surprising considering that Farah was married to work.

But in all honesty, Ghost was happy for both of them, they deserved it. If Ghost noticed Farah's hand sometimes resting on the omega's stomach, he didn't comment on it.

Laswell and her wife were also present, Laswell in particular made a little speech to Price, the poor old man turned red with embarrassment. It was sweet.

Gaz was with the other soldiers on the dance floor, already practically drunk but having a great time, Ghost was tempted to join in. Some soldiers even tried to drag him away, but he preferred to save himself the embarrassment of the evening.

Speaking of Gaz, he and Ghost had actually maintained a cordial relationship over the three years, they talked normally, sometimes a joke was exchanged between them, but apart from that, they weren't close.

It hurt to know that they couldn't be that close, but it's the consequences of Simon's stupidity, and that's okay.

When he finally managed to get Price to talk, the old man practically thanked him, apparently some COs were giving him a hard time. The two of them chatted on the balcony outside, smoking and relaxing.

Ghost thought it was going to be a bad night, but so far it had been a great one, with no fights or anything.

In the middle of the conversation, footsteps echoed from the back, which were slightly drowned out by the music and conversations inside the lounge. Price and Ghost turned towards the source of the sound, and Simon's body automatically froze and he lost his breath.

Now he understood why he hadn't seen him, there was no mohawk anymore, just short hair. Big blue eyes, and that smile that always made Simon submit.

Even after three years, Johnny was still beautiful, like a painting eternalised in time. Of course, he had a few wrinkles here and there, but to Simon, he was a beauty.

"Major." Even the thick voice made Simon wince.

"Lieutenant Mactavish." Price approached, giving him a strong hug. "Good to see you, son."

Simon watches the exchange of words between the two, it's nostalgic, he's seen this scene happen many times before, but to see it again now is... breathtaking.

"Ghost." Ghost blinks his eyes back to the present at Price voice, Price and Johnny were watching him.

He approaches, hands behind his back. "Mactavish... It's good to see you." He says awkwardly, not knowing how to communicate after years.

Johnny licked his lips, opening and closing his mouth for a moment. "Captain." Damn, it was strange to be called captain after years of being a lieutenant. "You look better."

Simon really hoped he was. "Yeah... I've been working on myself."

Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Price smiling and giving way, walking to the door that leads into the lounge. Johnny glances back over his shoulder, also seeing Price step aside.

The alpha and omega stand in silence for a moment, a cold breeze blowing past them, sending a shiver up Simon's arms and a waft of Johnny's scent up his nose. Sweet as ever.

Johnny approaches the balcony ledge, sighing deeply.

"John." He doesn't risk calling him by his nickname, knowing that he has no right to do so.

"Hm..." Simon approached, stopping next to the omega.

"I'm sorry-"

"Simon." Johnny turned to face Simon, melancholy in his eyes.

"I made a mistake with you, I should have trusted you as my partner that day, but I chose disillusionment. I just put it in my head that I could never have a child, without even going to a specialist for confirmation."

"I abandoned you, I made one of your fears come true and I don't deserve forgiveness for that, I know." He folds his fingers, looking into Johnny's eyes. "You didn't deserve that, and I hate myself every day for causing you pain, for putting you through something traumatic. It was selfish of me to ignore your feelings."

He pauses as Johnny puts his hand to his mouth and looks at the horizon.

"It took a while, a few weeks, but I sought help. Today I understand things about myself, I told you once that actions have consequences, and I thought I couldn't make mistakes. Too proud to notice."

He swallows dryly before saying the next words.

"You were right, we needed to go our separate ways." He smiles sadly. "Every day I'm trying to be better, and I think I'm succeeding. And I'm happy about that."

There was nothing more to say, what happened from now on would depend on Johnny.

The omega looks at the horizon, closes his eyes and rubs his hands over his face. He then looks up, staring at Simon.

"Sometimes the pain comes, grey and empty days wondering." Johnny bites his lip. "I'm happy for you Simon, you really do look better, and I can see the work you've done on yourself."

Unexpectedly, John hugs Simon, and the man throws himself into the last embrace he'll probably ever have from the man.

"The pain doesn't go away, but we learn to endure it."

Johnny was still struggling, but eventually he would get better, just like Simon.

And so, the man lets go and walks away, leaving Simon with the closure he needed.

——💀——

"I was thinking of planting some things in the garden, like carrots and onions, but Riley would probably dig up all the plants. That pest."

Yeah, Simon adopted a dog when he retired, bought a house in rural Carlisle, a small cottage in the countryside, practically a farm but with no animals, well, except Riley and a few chickens. Eggs are expensive these days.

He was thinking of taking the time to make a garden, now that he had free time, there was plenty he could do, and a garden was a great idea.

Finishing pulling out the weeds around the slab, Simon gives it a scrub with the broom, and to finish he pours a bucket of water over it to make sure it's clean.

"I should have brought her round for you to have a look, she'd lick your face clean." He laughs hard, maybe next time he can bring her here. "Next time."

Everything was ready, Simon stoops down next to where he had placed the products and picks up a bouquet of flowers, lavenders and sunflowers.

He places them on Price's grave, now cleared of undergrowth. "I hope you like it, old man, I picked it myself."

Simon wanted to bring roses, but they had sold out at the flower shop. There's one more thing to plant in the garden. He starts to pack his things into the bucket, ready to leave, but he stops when he hears footsteps.

He smells an apple, as sweet as a cake. It's instantaneous how Simon recognises that smell, even though he hasn't smelt it for years.

Looking up, he sees Johnny holding a bouquet too. Red and yellow flowers. Simon quickly stands up.

"John."

"Simon."

The omega's hair was a little longer and styled back, he had a big beard, and the wrinkles around his eyes were more noticeable, yet the beauty was immortal on his face.

"Were you cleaning?" Simon nods. "Congratulations on the job then." It was embarrassing, but everything was fine.

Johnny walked past him to put his bouquet with Simon's, amazing how flowers could turn something as macabre as a grave into something beautiful and admirable.

"How are you?" Johnny asked, without taking his eyes off the grave.

"Well, better than I've been in years." Simon scratches his head slightly. "The back pain has continued, but I think it's normal."

Johnny laughs, hands in his pockets. "Those won't go away, you should go to the masseur."

"No chance, the poor bastards would shit themselves with the scars."

"They're not so bad."

"If you say so, maybe when I have time I'll arrange a session."

"I can recommend a specialist, I sleep every time while he breaks the rest of my bones."

Simon snorted out a laugh, it was a nice moment. It had been a while since he'd talked to anyone, and being here laughing with Johnny of all people was perfect. It made him feel a little younger.

"I miss him." Johnny sighed, patting his grave.

"That makes two of us, sometimes I come and talk to him, but he doesn't answer much." Simon jokes.

"Don't tell me, I thought he was a chatterbox." Johnny says dismissively, but his voice was soft, teasing.

He turns round and walks over to Simon's side. "There's... I saw a café on the way here, do you want to pop in and have a chat?"

Simon considers, he looks at the bucket full of stuff. It's not as if he's in any real hurry.

"Sure, show me the way."

"Fuck off! Just hope they got those exotic teas of yours."

"Ugh, let the man have his favourites, Mactavish."

"Never."

Even after years, this Scotsman still managed to annoy Simon.

"So, I hear you have a dog?"

"Riley, she's a great companion."

"Cute, are you going to show her to me?"

"Someday, maybe."

"Great."

Yeah, maybe someday, Johnny.

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Notes:

We finally finished this story full of anguish and melancholy. I hope I've made the situation shown in this story well explained, with each character's perspective and points.

I hope that in the little I've written you've felt what I wanted to feel. In the part where Simon was apologising, Johnny didn't say much and the reason for this is that he had already said what was necessary in that letter in part 8.

Again, I'd like to say that Soap and Ghost aren't bad people for everything that happened, they just had the misfortune of not talking about their insecurities and fears. But perhaps now they can be more honest with each other, in any relationship they have in friendship or if they ever get back together.

I think that a hopeful ending for people who have been couples doesn't mean that they get back together, but rather that they can live together in harmony and peacefully, perhaps as friends. But everyone has their own interpretation, and what is yours?

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gugapuppy · 17 days ago

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Abortion - Part 9 Bad End (A!Ghost x O!Soap)

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8 || Part 9 (Bad End) || Part 10 (Hopeful End)

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Note that this chapter is the bad ending, meaning it's just hurt no comfort, and also features the death of a main character.

Read the notes after you've finished reading, which will explain what I was thinking when I wrote this chapter.

CW: Hurt no confort, Main character death

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Despair is a rope in the heart, because just when you think everything is going to be all right, you hang yourself.

Ghost calls Soap's mobile every day for two months in the hope that the man will answer, but of course it doesn't work. He gives up when Price tells him that Soap has changed his number.

He refused to give Ghost his number.

The lieutenant's room reeked of tiredness, melancholy and worst of all, cold. Without the warmth of anything nearby.

He was an idiot, he repeated every waking minute, how he managed to lose a person who was the light in all the stormy days.

Price would sometimes find him sitting on the stairs at dawn, the same stairs where he and Johnny smoked and talked when no-one was awake. Ghost would stare into nothingness every time, trapped in past memories, Price would always take him back to his room and sleep sitting in his chair to watch over him during the night.

Ghost knew the captain was tired, the black lines under his eyes showed it. But Ghost couldn't bring himself to care, ignorant of other people's pain, only caring about his own.

Maybe that's why Johnny left him. Simon was selfish.

Gaz and Price still whispered behind his back every time they had a mission or a meeting, even four months later. About what they should do with Ghost.

Ghost was empty, he couldn't care, not even when a shot was fired into his chest, or when everyone looked at him and gossiped behind his back, or when he hugged the ultrasound to try to feel close to something. Not even the roars to discipline the cadents existed any more.

Price forced him to go into therapy, to try to talk to someone so that he could let out whatever he was feeling.

But of course that didn't work either, for four weeks, three times each, he would go into the room and sit down, the counsellor would ask him various questions, every possible topic.

But Ghost wouldn't answer, nor would he blink for minutes at a time. He didn't return to the office after a month.

Price couldn't send him on holiday for fear that the man would fuck up, and removing him from the field wouldn't do any good, he needed to stay close to Ghost for his own safety, for his own mind and for Simon.

——💀——

The first time he showed any emotion was when Farah came to see him through a request from Price, perhaps the alpha could do something that a poor beta couldn't.

Farah sat with Ghost in the man's room, Price waited in the corridor listening to everything.

"Hey Ghost, how are you?" she asked softly, kneeling down in front of Ghost who was sitting on the bed staring at nothing on the wall.

She waited for an answer, but nothing came. "We're all here for you, Ghost." He looked her in the eye, hope in his eyes. "What do you need?"

Johnny. He needed his Johnny. To smell him, to share a nest with him, to have a family. But he couldn't have that, he wasn't a good alpha, a good person. He didn't answer, he had nothing to answer for.

"Look," she gently took Ghost's hand, he hadn't cut his nails in months he noted.

"We all want you well-" Farah tries to scent him by putting her wrist against his, but Ghost quickly gets up and pushes her away.

Farah falls to the floor grunting in pain, Ghost must have let out the loudest roar of his life, because Price quickly opens the door and puts himself between the two of them, his hands on the lieutenant's chest as he tries to calm him down.

But Ghost only has one reaction going through his head and that is to shout. "DON'T TOUCH ME! ONLY JOHNNY CAN DO THAT!"

"SIMON!" Price shouts at him, but the lieutenant continues shouting at the other alpha on the floor. A horrible smell of anger spreads through the room, making Farah hold her nose.

"ONLY HE CAN SCENT ME! GET OUT OF HERE KARIM!"

No one could touch him that intimately, only one person could.

Farah tries to open her mouth to say something, but stops when Price looks at her with concern. Farah slowly leaves the room, closing the door.

Price calms Ghost down after several minutes, they both sit on the bed, Ghost bites his lip, not wanting to swear at the captain, the only one who was there for him every day. He didn't want to be left alone by him.

After that day, Ghost began to express more of his stored-up anger, the years of silent resentment towards his father, mother and brother, his life that made him lose everything that was most important to him!

Why did he have to suffer?! Why did he have to be like this?! Why could everyone have nice things while he could have nothing?! Why couldn't he be normal? Why didn't he deserve love and care...?

Training mornings were torture for the soldiers, who were cursed at and drained of energy, subjected to humanly gruelling workouts. The bravest who tried to challenge Ghost, young and reckless alphas, ended up in the medical ward within two minutes.

Not even Price's sermons or threats worked, and of course they weren't going to. What else did Ghost have to lose? No family, no partner and no purpose.

On missions, instead of quietly eliminating his enemies, Ghost performed a torture scene with each one, disembowelling them in a cautious and brutal manner, a rage that went beyond contempt for them.

——💀——

A year since the man was separated from his omega, Johnny's voice was fading, nights were spent trying to imagine a face that was disappearing, the clothes with his scent had already been worn away by time.

It was the worst thing, he didn't want to forget. He wanted to remember.

He begged the long-forgotten gods to make him remember just one thing about Johnny.

But of course nothing happened.

The anger, the aggression, had passed, leaving only a soldier with the objectives of his job.

Price had already given up trying to help Ghost find psychological help, he didn't know what the lieutenant was feeling, carrying, but he knew it would destroy him in the future.

He stopped calling him Simon over time, realising that there was only one hurt person in front of him who didn't care anymore.

When Ghost noticed, he stayed up all night. Could it be that if he had opened up to the therapist, Price would still see him as someone worth befriending?

Maybe if Ghost hadn't fucked things up with Johnny, they'd still be together, Price and Gaz would still be his friends.

Maybe if he hadn't fucked up he and Johnny would have a beautiful family while they slept in a big nest.

And maybe if some god existed, Ghost could sleep that night thinking about the family he'd have, while hugging the ultrasound photo again.

——💀——

In two years, Ghost became a spectre in the corridors, locked in his office and his room, rarely in daylight training recruits.

Price sent him on solo missions, he always had the information in hand as Laswell didn't want to be in the lieutenant's presence. Ghost always filled them in completely.

One day Price sent him for a fortnight to guard a base full of hostiles. It was among the mountains of Canada, snowy and cold.

Sometimes, in the rarity of moments like these, Ghost could go back in time, before everything and feel the Christmas he spent with Johnny, under the covers in the big nest that smelt of the two of them, where the cold didn't pass and the sun came through the curtains.

The walks on a cloudy day, the whispers of promises and passions, the sound.

Perhaps a tear fell in those moments, but Ghost didn't pay it any mind, trying to believe that it was probably a dusting of wind.

On returning to the base, the relaxation in several people was noticeable, Ghost could imagine that everyone had been given the day off while Ghost was away. He understood.

But he didn't understand what he saw in the captain's office when he reported in. On his disorganised desk, Ghost saw a photo. And when he realised what it was, his heart squeezed and his breathing stopped.

Price must have noticed the sudden change in Ghost, he always did. "Ghost..." He whispered.

"It was while I was away, wasn't it?" Ghost pulled himself together quickly, he had no right to be angry, he knew that, but it still hurt.

It hurt to see the photo on the desk showing Price with the newlyweds John Mactavish and Kyle Garrick.

As always, Johnny looked handsome, in a white suit, his hair without a mohawk, and his eyes with an incomparable joy. It hurt to know that he would never be able to give Johnny that joy.

It hurt to leave the captain's office silently.

It hurt to go back to his own room and lock it.

It hurt to lie in bed and feel cold.

It hurt to imagine the past where he still had friends who enjoyed his presence.

It hurt to feel the tears that had been trapped finally come out.

But it hurt even more to know that he was alone for good.

——💀——

Perhaps finally, for the first time in three years since the news of the wedding, five years since everything broke, he finally understood.

He was on a mission, leading several against a group of Russians at the only nuclear power station in Scotland. They stormed the site, eliminating as many hostiles as possible.

And all was going well, until Ghost discovered that there was a bomb inside the plant, which he rushed to try and defuse. On the way he was hit several times, but managed to fight back.

He managed to defuse the bomb, but there was a problem. The adrenaline began to drain out of the captain, letting him feel every bullet hole, every knife thrust into his arms, chest and legs.

He fell to the ground, crawling over to one of the walls to prop himself up. He called for medical help even though he knew it was hopeless.

And everything was fine.

In the silence of the room he began to realise, he really had been a terrible person.

Selfish and proud, sins he had squandered, blinded by pain and anguish. Price tried to help, and he ignored him, but he always tried his best.

"Thanks Price." He mumbles wearily. Perhaps the old man, wherever he is, can sense the sincerity.

Going their separate ways was something they both needed, time to heal, all those moments lived would never go away, they would always be kept in a golden drawer.

Not believing what was happening made Ghost blind, he didn't see the pain that Price, Gaz, Farah, Laswell and Soap went through when everything fell apart, the pain they felt.

He was angry that he couldn't have any more happy times with his partner.

He begged any entity out there for just one more moment, even though he knew that nothing could help him. Forgetting that he had to help himself.

‘Crying was for fags,’ Ghost's father used to say, but how could he not cry when he finally realised that there was no turning back.

With a pained sigh, Ghost pulled a photo out of his pocket, an ultrasound scan.

Perhaps it was delirium, but he felt the photo warm in his fingers, the same warmth he felt years ago before he fell into misery.

"Hey kid, I'm your father..." Bringing the photo close to his chest, his watery eyes dripping tears with the rest of his strength, he understood.

He accepted that everything was fine, that nothing could be changed, but that there was still room for hope for something better. Johnny was still alive and happy, and that was enough.

With one last breath, one last smile.

"Live well... my family..."

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Notes:

When I started writing I had doubts about how I would do it, until I heard a soundtrack that gave me an idea.

I then decided to follow the line of the five stages of grief, as it was in my opinion a good fit. Five parts with each stage, starting with denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Over time we see various actions, manias that Ghost repeats over and over again, the things he most fears happening, but he also forgets that other people are also suffering, which ends up degrading the relationships he has.

In the end he accepted everything that had happened, the pain continued but he still had the memories, and that was enough.

I never thought I'd write an MCD like that, I was surprised.

If you're going through something similar, seek professional help before taking any action. Stay safe and well folks.

Links I used for my research on this story: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/abortion/what-happens/ https://vidafertility.com/en/semen-analysis-results/

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