#and tried to draw how that tweet felt

[majablanque]

taehyung: winter love

[enyasaints]

I finally received my employers position statement…

Normally they only have a month maybe two to provide a position statement. It has been six months LATER. I haven’t had the heart to read it. I know it will be filled with gaslighting and lies and it will reopen old wounds I’ve spent months trying to medicate. I hate reliving my repeated sexual assault and how powerless I felt against it. Knowing that poverty and homelessness would be on the horizon if I said anything. When I finally tried to speak up I was dismissed and ignored and ultimately terminated in such a humiliating way. Only to be thrusted into this type of job economy where it is difficult to find work. I have been struggling financially ever since I don’t deserve that. I never deserved any of it

Direct Aid:

PP: enyasaints@gmail.com

For those that don’t know. A position statement is a company response basically refuting all charges they recieved through the EEOC. You have to provide a rebuttal proving that the company was lying. It is incredibly traumatic having to prove wrong doing. Having to relive the awful things that happened to you. While trying to raise money for a lawyer to defend you.

I have taken time off crowdfunding because I’m easily discouraged and I was barely gaining traction. No matter what I do I have no reach, and I have tried EVERYTHING. I truly have. I tried livestreaming on three different platforms, I tried making TikToks, I tried tweeting, I tried begging rich people on twitter, nothing works. I cannot stress enough I cannot do this alone. I don’t have a social media prescence nor social media capital. I am trying to have one but it’s incredibly difficult to build quickly. I cannot raise this money if I don’t have people advocating for me. Even if you can’t donate. Posting my link in a company email, on your facebook, tiktok, reddit anywhere makes a world of a difference. Using your skills to promote my GFM. If you draw or make edits that also can help. Anything can help me. Scrolling past just kills me. So please. PLEASE. Do something. Even if its just interacting on this very post. Commenting, sharing, liking. PLEASE. If I don’t raise emough for a lawyer, when I get the letter of right to sue, it gives me 90 days to find a lawyer. If I don’t my case gets thrown out and I never get justice. I can never sue them again.

Deadline for Lawyer:

August 17th, 2024

Currently Raised:

$410/$15000

[lucyandalexiafan]

Could you write something where Alexia is obsessed with the reader boobs please

Movie night | Alexia Putellas x reader

I wrote this few days ago and I find now the time to post it🫠. I don't know if you wanted a more smut work, but the result was something really fluff and cute; I don't know why but it came out so sweet, even though the initial idea was something more sexual. Maybe it's because of all the tweets and TikToks that make me watch thousand times the interview she did for the top 11 and I keep hearing 'thank you' and 'Are you a Manchester City fan', which make her seem so cute; or maybe because I'm feeling so single ahah.

Anyway, I'm sorry if you wanted something more smut and less cute, and thank you for the request!

Do not copy, translate or claim my works and fics as your own; if I find out I will report them and block you. Instead, write to me, my directs are always open, and ask me if you can publish your work/fic inspired by one of mine. However, you can reblog them!

I bite my lip trying to hold back a moan.

Ale's hands on my breasts, her fingers caressing and playing with my nipples.

It had all started very innocently.

Since this morning Ale had been very clingy, very physical.

As soon as the alarm went off she pulled me tighter into her embrace, her hands squeezing my chest, muttering jokingly about how 'I don't love her enough' as I wanted to get up, then kissing my neck just below my hairline every time I stayed a few minutes longer in bed with her.

After almost being arrived late at the training, she tried to be paired with me during both the gym and athletic training, finding every time an excuse to touch me.

Her hands had always been on my thigh, arm or hand at lunch.

It was as if she had an extreme need for physical contact, to touch me, but not necessarily sexually.

On the way home we stopped at the restaurant near our house, my favorite Chinese restaurant, and Ale took there our takeaway dinner that she had ordered while she was waiting for me at the end of the second training session. She composed it with my favorite dishes.

We went into our apartment and had dinner on the sofa laughing in front of a stupid American talk show (even though she seemed to understand one word in ten and only laughed when I laughed).

Once we ended our dinner, Ale asked me to watch a film, one of my favorite dark academia films, and I agreed; so, she helped me to clean the table in front of the sofa and the dishes and we lay down on the sofa.

After a few minutes from the start, she lay between my legs, her head on my chest and her hands at her sides. The position itself wasn't uncomfortable, my back was resting against the couch and my head was on a pillow turned towards the television, my hands caressing her back.

I felt her body relax second by second, the tension from the training slowly flowing out of her body. Every now and then she let out a few moans or gasps, but nothing overly sexual.

About a quarter of the way through the movie, she had moved a little lower, her navel touching my inner thigh, her right temple against my sternum; her hands had started to caress my torso under my shirt, to lightly scratch my hips.

The contact had given me shivers, her cold fingers tracing light circles with her nails.

“I thought you wanted to see the movie amor,” I say, chuckling.

She moans into my chest, her hands gripping the edges of my shirt.

I lift her torso, allowing her to push it over my breasts, braless.

Ale she starts kissing my skin, leaving endless little kisses on my boobs, she draws wet paths that connect one nipple to the other.

Her fingers squeeze my breast in a light grip, playing with my nipples.

"What happened Ale? - she looks at me confused - You are so physical"

"Since when I can be more physical with you? - she asks smiling - I love your boobs so much amor" she says assorted while she squeezes them with her hands.

I gasp, seeking contact with her, and grip her hair between my fingers.

My neck arches back when she bites my right nipple.

She grins against my sternum.

She runs her nipples between her fingers.

"Your boobs are so sensitive - she gasps and then kisses a nipple - That's one of the reasons why I love them… I just need to touch your nipples and you're soaked for me" she whispers absorbedly while she kisses them.

"Only for you, amor - I moan - only for you"

Ale smiles satisfied.

She bends down and kisses a patch of skin just below her nipple. She sucks it, leaving a clear purple mark on me, releasing it with a dull sound.

"When you're really horny you can have an orgasm just by me playing with your nipples - she bites my right one, passing it between her teeth and making me moan- It's never happened to me before, but it's so… so-"

I gasp when her fingers squeeze a nipple tighter, too tight.

My hand shoots out and grabs her wrist, not knowing if I want to stop her or ask her to do it again. Ale bends down to kiss the fingers surrounding her wrist, leaving small sweet kisses on my skin while she whispers to me that she's sorry.

I arch my back towards her asking her to touch me, to keep touching me.

“They're so soft – she whispers as she leaves a hickey on my other tit – and just the right size for my hands.”

I bite her lip looking at her.

She raises an eyebrow.

"Are you saying they are big? - She looks at me confused - Alexia, I've never had a girlfriend with bigger hands and longer fingers than yours"

She opens her mouth wide in offense, her eyebrows raised dangerously, while the sides of her mouth turn up in a smile.

Then, suddenly, she lowers herself towards my breast, biting it.

I groan in surprise.

It's not a painful bite, but it will leave a mark.

She smiles satisfied as she watches it.

"Looking at how you ask me to fuck you with my long fingers I wouldn't say it bothers you" she replies in a mock offended tone.

The tongue touching the edges of the bite.

I turn my head towards the couch, trying to avoid her gaze, my embarrassment clear from the color of my cheeks.

"Ale…" I gasp, not knowing exactly what he wants.

"Keep watching the movie, amor" she tells me, her voice betraying a trace of excitement, before resting her head on my sternum.

Her hand continues to play with my breast, the one towards the television, playing with the nipple, running it between his fingers, pulling it towards her.

[causenessus]

cold kisses

part 0.11. THINKING ABOUT ANOTHER MAN

PLAYING FROM KODZUKEN'S STREAM . . . picture in my mind by pinkpantheress & sam gellaitry

she recognizes him from a distance as she approaches the ice rink.

a sense of alarm kicks in before she tries to calm it down. to atsumu's credit, he’s been a lot better of a person since he found out she and kenma were dating and after the day he came to watch them. even though kenma hadn’t come to watch them since that day, he’s never flirted or blatantly done anything to make her uncomfortable.

still, she’s not sure he’s someone she’d like to be around outside of the time they’re required to stay together. she doesn't hate him as much as she used to, but she's not letting down her guard around him.

as she approaches the doors of the rink, she’s unsure of what to do; go inside immediately or stop and talk to him? he makes the decision for her when he pushes off the wall he’d been leaning on to greet her.

“hey, y/n,” he begins, looking down at her, “now that we’ve got an hour to kill what did ya plan on doing?”

“oh, i was just gonna go inside in practice, probably. i’m not sure yet,” she shrugs, turning her head to look at the doors instead of him.

“oh come on, do ya really want to do that? we have a whole four hours of that to look forward to later,” he sighs, stuffing his hands in his pockets and drawing her attention back to him. “did ya already eat?” he asks.

“oh,” she accidentally says aloud as the thoughts connect. she’d felt a little nauseous today but she’d assumed it was just because her schedule had been thrown off the rails. it was probably instead due to the fact that she hadn’t had time to eat since she came straight here. “no, i haven’t,” she answered, looking up at him.

“great,” he gave her a smile, using a hand to turn around and prompt her to start walking. she was so used to feeling him guide her on the ice it almost felt natural. “let’s go get something to eat, it's my treat.”

he sees her tweets and he’s not sure what he feels. whatever it is, it’s not good. it’s immediate repulsion, seeing anything related to miya atsumu followed by two other feelings. a sharp prick of nausea and anxiety like he’s jealous.

as soon as he labels it he tries to ignore the feeling. what was he thinking? he had no right to be upset about who she was around. they weren’t dating, he had to remind himself. he was just her friend. and roommate. and someone who she'd agreed to at least pretend to date. someone she may have started to like back, he'd thought.

the realization stings and kenma stares past his phone. his vision isn’t focused anywhere, everything just seems like a blur and it seems like his very body is shutting down at the thought that maybe she doesn’t like him.

it shouldn’t be anything new, or have this big of an effect on him. he’s dealt with his feelings for years and they’ve never affected him so badly. but what was their conversation earlier today? what was yesterday? was she just pretending? was he the one who had fallen even farther? had he stupidly started to interpret her feelings as something real?

he shuts off his phone and places it down.

he knows he shouldn't feel hurt because he knows her–at least he thinks he does. no matter if she was faking or not, it wouldn’t be her intention to mess with his feeling or go out with atsumu almost identically to how she had taken him out yesterday, bakery and all.

hell, she may not have even chosen the place. he couldn’t blame or assume anything about what she was doing, that would be unfair to her. 

the only way he would know what she was thinking–how she really felt about him was to talk to her. but he couldn’t do that for a number of reasons; because of his own anxieties and because it wasn’t a good time. he didn’t want to ruin anything for her or take her attention away from the olympics. he’d have to wait until after her performance or hope that maybe she’d say something to him first.

none of this helped calm down his thoughts because there was one thing he could ask that wasn’t an assumption or projection, why would she go anywhere with miya atsumu in the first place?

prev. | m.list | next

extras <3

this got split into two chapters AGAIN because I YAP TOO MUCH

but that's okay because i have way too many songs that go with this chapter

PICTURE IN MY MIND FITS PRETTY PERFECTLY THOUGH (it'll make even more sense next chapter <3)

not sure if i already said this but kenma is also so pinkpantheress coded

i also apologize bc like none of the chats could be screenshotted perfectly like there's a lot of repeated text in some of the screenshots yk 😔

yn obviously named the gc with ukai and atsumu

ukai at first was like "wtf" and then decided he did not care

atsumu just rolls with whatever she says what a suck up

ukai also tries his best to be professional but it always slowly disintegrates the more he talks to yn

he was definitely texting and driving in traffic because his motto is "u can do anything as long as u don't get caught ❤"

yn was not too keen on going anywhere with atsumu until he said he was paying

she decided she could deal with it and just thought about kenma the entire time they were out together

but she also felt awkward when he tagged her in a tweet so she tagged him back

at this point, bc he's acting more agreeable, fake or not, y/n's decided he's a pretty okay guy. like he was always talented he just sucked as a person but now he's okay

(atsumu took her to a bakery to get back at kenma bc he knew kenma was vague tweeting about him when he told everyone to back off)

i didn't say that you heard that from a bird or something

taglist: @rinheartshyunlix @kettlepop @eggyrocks @cr4yolaas @httpakkeiji @keioover @does-directions @calx-bdo @staygoldsquatchling02 @cherrypieyourface @iluv-ace @kitty-m30w @h3xi2g0n3 @mylahrins @thechaosoflonging @momoriii-i @localgaytrainwreck @a-pastel-edgelord @bugglesboop @polish-cereal @osakis-gf @phoenix-eclipses @faesix @ryeyeyer @skylarkalchemist @kunimix @sereniteav @kodzubaby @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @r0seandth0rns @gsyche @kitnootkat @seillarium @tamimemo @myromanempiree @coldcigarette @eclipticnikki @squiishymeow @vivian-555 @cryptictheseus @eclecticeggknightpsychic @kodzukein @kawaii-angelanne @luvly-writer @kodzuken-hoe @kodzuken88 @bookworm-center @theweirdfloatything @glitch-karma @spicana

[thoughtspresso]

This Tweet by Aka Akasaka:

I always thought there was something unhealthy about Akane’s relationship with Aqua. And while I don’t think she had ill intent, personally, it’s just like a lot of people you may have met that also either had depression or have very unstable support systems -- they tend to depend heavily on people who did treat them with kindness and gave them affection. Albeit, not by their conscious effort to use people, simply a reflex driven by a personal need to feel useful and appreciated by the people they feel love for.

Spoilers after the break.

In many scenes after Akane’s attempt during the LoveNow arc, it’s shown that she’s become to give a lot of herself to whatever it is she thought Aqua would need of her. She was happy to give those things, including:

Act as his dream girl

Be his showbiz girlfriend even with her awareness that he’s using her

Help him kill somebody in the industry

Bear his emotional burdens

Kissing and sex, even during their showbiz relationship 

Listening to her romantic rival brag about their steakhouse date and be cool with it

Being in a relationship with somebody who she knows still bears feelings for somebody else

Being okay with getting bugged/GPS-tracked if only he said so

Tracking down his father for him

Confronting and possibly killing him herself so Aqua doesn’t have to

I do think that Akane genuinely believes she was being helpful. She believes doing these were all good things.

But what she doesn’t really realize is that she was, in a way, being an enabler to Aqua’s darkness, or triggering his traumatic feelings even further.

There was something consuming about their time together.

I felt like, Akane was absorbing him somehow. Not in the literal sense. But their relationship was one where they fed into each other’s darkness. She wanted Aqua to be more dependent on her, and he was kind of glad to have someone enable his delusions--whether that he would find and kill his father, or that it was all over and he should just stay with Akane because it was the safe, scandal-free relationship to have. In Akane he found a brief respit, but also he continued to lie to himself a lot.

He gives this up when he realizes that even with Akane, being with her puts her in danger. It was the very opposite of the thing he hoped to achieve in that relationship, when he said he wanted to protect her.

In really stark contrast, Arima Kana says things like this:

She just snaps him right out of a fucking monologue.

Whenever Aqua tries to bear everything by himself, she reminds him crudely that he never had to protect her, and that he’s supposed to learn how to communicate:

In a way, it’s Kana’s radical honesty and her core understanding of who the true Aqua is all along that will set him towards the path of real freedom and healing.

Of everybody, she’s the one who knows what Aqua is like when he was at his best. And every time they’re together, they draw out the light from each other.

That, instead of Akane who says “I’ll go to hell with you if you ask”, Kana just says, “Wake the fuck up”.

So often, being stuck in your trauma also means that you need help getting out of it. You need good support systems to remind you that your trauma isn’t all that you are. And this all-consuming guilt you’ve borne on your shoulders isn’t really there anymore--you just believe that it is because that’s exactly what trauma does.

I think, despite Akane’s best attempts to remind him that things weren’t his fault, and that he doesn’t have to carry burdens by himself, the fact that she enjoyed being useful to him was, in some way, also keeping him there.

I know that there are a lot of great Kana moments after the baseball scene, but I’ve come to love coming back to their first time meeting each other again.

Even in her first re-appearance in the story, when Aqua was being all angsty emo sadboie about his acting career, Kana’s immediate reaction is to hire him, and believe in him.

Kana just wants to see him shine, too.

The way he makes her shine.

[g0giro]

PLEASE READ THIS!!! NEOPENTANE5 TOLD ME TO KILL MYSELF AFTER I TALKED ABOUT THAT SHE SUPPORTED RAPE TO MY FRIEND

Someone sent this to me, and I have something to say about it. Don't buy what she said on her Twitter, I explained every single detail below.

I'm adding these pictures as well since these tweets were basically her referring to me and saying a lot of bad things about me. I've heard this meant "I wish you go kill yourself", "You don't deserve any friends" and so on, so I decided to translate it. She deleted it, and it's gone by now, but I could get a screenshot of her saying it.

TL;DR: I cut neopentane5 off and blocked her last year, I've been struggling because of severe depression since last year and she was the main reason who caused it, I vented about how I felt and what I couldn't understand her to my friend, and somehow it ended up with Neopentane5 seeing my DM with my friend and she self attacked me on her Twitter because of the DM, revealing my personal information and writing on her Twitter that I need to kill myself.

Below this is about what exactly happened and how Neoepentane5 tried to justify her actions. I explained it with all the proof that she was wrong and spreading misinformation, including some NSFW pictures she sent.

I don't know where to start, but let me talk about what happened last year between me and her.

The first reason I cut her off :

A few months ago, a guitarist of my favorite band passed away, so I was really shocked and sad, and I wanted to talk about it to someone and get comforted. There was a discord server where I, Neopentane5, and some other people were so I went there and talked about it. One of them asked me about it, but Neopentane5 just said nothing but sent a nsfw pic right below my text, completely ignoring me.

It was really rude and disrespectful, not just because the guitarist was my favorite but it was really weird and absurd of her to send a nsfw pic when she heard that someone died. Because of this, I was feeling depressed, so I tried not to pay attention to the server and her. I muted the notifications and tried to do something else like watching movies, playing games, or going out and so on because I thought it would become better if I could ignore this.

But she kept sending a bunch of nsfw pictures like these pictures without my consent and I was really overwhelmed and mad because of it.

This is the uncensored version of the screenshots.

The second reason why I cut her off:

Around last Halloween, I posted this to do inbox trick or treating. People who wanted to join it left likes there, and everyone who left likes on that post answered back, but Neopentane5 was the only one who didn't do anything even though she left her like. I thought she might be busy, and I asked her why she hadn't answered. She said she read it and wanted to draw something for it and would post it that night, but I didn't really mind if she wanted to draw something or not, because I was content with communicating with people by sending some candy pics and it was wholesome.

She really seemed to draw one for it, and I didn't want to let her down by saying I didn't really need her drawing or so, so I gave her enough time and she didn't post anything about it even two weeks had passed. I was really getting upset and depressed because it felt like I was worthless and not worth being remembered or cared about. I stopped texting her and everyone back then because of my depression.

Then she suddenly texted me first unusually and it was like this.

She just wanted to use me for translating that picture when she clearly knew that I didn't like the reboot stuff and didn't want to see it at all. She could've just googled it and used a translator, but she still decided to ask me to translate it for her. I had been feeling really down that time, and I didn't want to text back, but I also didn't want to make her feel bad so I just joked like I was all good and translated it for her. I felt I was worthless than the google translate and she just laughed it off and didn't really care about it when she should've made a proper apology. It didn't look like a person who was genuinely feeling sorry and it made my mental state worse. So I said just forget about it, and she didn't even answer back.

Other reasons I cut her off:

I had been already feeling depressed because I had always felt that I was the only one who cared about the 'friendship' she claimed to call it. Whenever I wanted to 'talk' with her, I always had to bring something interesting related to the fandom stuff, or she didn't even reply or reply very carelessly like "okay cool" a few days later when I texted her. She also didn't text me first usually, and I noticed it when I started talking with her last year. I thought I could talk about it to her and solve the problem together, so I seriously asked her to text me first sometimes and told her that I was feeling neglected because of her lack of messages. She said she wasn't just a talkative person and didn't really start a conversation first, but it was also the same for me because I wasn't a talkative one either. At least she promised that she would change and try to message me first, but she didn't. I talked about it to her more than three times, but she didn't even try hard to keep her promise and I lost trust that it would fix anything if I talked with her.

This was the last conversation when I blocked her.

I was trying not to be rude, and I explained why I decided to distance her. If she actually cared about the 'friendship', then she should've apologized to me and asked me if we could start over. But she immediately decided to cut me off (which means she didn't care about me) and started making excuses to justify her actions.

About Neoepentane5 saying something supportive about rape:

She tried to make her words promising about rape is okay by using the logic that she's Asian and Asian people are like that. Me, as a Korean, I don't support rape and I am against people who tolerate rape in any case. I couldn't understand how could a person be okay with rape at all and I was so disgusted by it, so I vented it to my friend because I'd already cut her off and there was no way for her to see this, a few days ago. But somehow, Neopentane5 was able to see my DM which I only intended to share with my friend, and wrote about it, making excuses and revealing my Discord name and Tumblr blog to the public, allowing her followers could easily attack me when I had no intention to expose her when I was talking with my friend.

We used to be friends, but we didn't quarrel and the quarrel she means is the last conversation I wrote about above, where I was explaining why I decided to block her. I didn't drive a distance between Neopentane5 and her friends, in fact, there was only one person I asked why didn't they distance Neopentane5 yet. The friend she was talking about was also my friend, and when I decided to block her, I told the friend too. I was genuinely worried about the friend because they said that they also had problems with Neopentane5 before and had an emotionally hard time because of her.

I talked about my interaction with her to my friends, not making it go on the public. Every person can feel bad and hate someone, and I needed to vent my feelings to my friends, Neopentane5 is talking about this as if I did something wrong after seeing what she wasn't able to see. About how she could manage to see my DM, my friend shared it with someone else without my consent and their friend shared it again to another, and so on. This is a wild guess, but when I talked to the friend after blocking Neopentane5 they said they already knew what happened, and in the way Neopentane5 talked in the last conversation I had with her, it's not hard to assume that she probably said many bad things about me. I don't blame her for talking back behind my back, because it's natural to vent someone's feelings to someone, but it's very disappointing and frustrating to see her attack me.

When I said I could make her an account, she denied it because she didn't want to look weak in front of me and said it was cheap to buy a new phone number, saying it didn't even cost a single dollar.

It was one game she bought, and I told her how much I appreciated it enough that she told me to stop praising her. However, she hadn't played it once when I asked her to play it together later. I don't know what she's talking about the 'learning new ways to use AI for me' because if she's talking about CAI, I was the one who was making characters mostly and I've never asked her to make one for me.

I asked her to do RP with her because it looked like she was getting tired of CAI's waiting line and the limited responses. I said it was totally okay if she didn't want to do so, but she accepted it and then I made a server to invite her. She talked like she didn't enjoy it at all, but as embarrassing as it might sound, I enjoyed it and appreciated her for doing it together, and when I asked her if she was enjoying this too, she said yes and saved funny moments we had.

I say it again that it wasn't an argument or a quarrel. I explained why I wanted to distance her instead of just blocking her without any words, giving her the last chance to apologize and to make things better again. I explained it in the last conversation I had with her, you can read about how she keeps trying to justify her careless actions toward me by saying she's just forgetful and I don't understand her at all when I was struggling because of my depression and I needed someone to show me that they cared about me, but she couldn't understand me at all. I expected her to show it to me because she said I was special and different unlike the other friends she had, but maybe I was too naive.

I've never talked about anything related to her to the public or in my account where anyone can see it until now. Look at who decided to point me out and blame me, revealing my blog and discord account.

It's also not healthy to write me to go kill yourself.

This is all, and it was Neopentane5 who started blaming me on the Internet first. These are her Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram pages. I hope anyone who reads this will distance yourself from her and her devotees, and it would be appreciated if you could reblog this post and share it on other websites like Twitter too.

Sorry for tagging the fandom tags, but I don't want other people to suffer the same thing I did. Thank you for reading a long post. + I edited the post since it was flagged.

[proshippers-against-censorship]

hope what i’m bringing up here is appropriate for this blog. i could try finding any other outlet, internal or outside resources that would help me get through this, but i’m trying not to ruffle any feathers.

so, since last year i’ve been watching something i used to be into when i was younger and participating in its fandom. through rewatching it i found out that i shipped two characters that i always had a noticeable affinity towards, except i realized i like the pairing way more as an adult because of everything i missed between them since i last saw the show. they were paired with different characters by the end and even if it was shown to make more “sense” for them according to the greater fandom, i initially didn’t care because of how much i enjoyed their dynamic thoughout the show’s duration. i felt that it brought out a bunch of discussion to be told whether you saw it the lens of a romatic or platonic relationship. most of what happened in the show’s main timeline could not go on without their involvement, and their individual development arcs kicked off because of the undeniable romantic relationship they tried to pursue at one point.

the big thing about their relationship that apparently makes it a “proship”/comship is the huge age difference between them, and unfortunately that’s unfortunately all what the fandom sees them for. i feel that even when talking about the romantic/sexual aspect of them together and the implications, they have one of the least discussed dynamics i’ve seen of many of the major characters, which doesn’t make sense because they’re both the male and female mcs. it’s always “thank god they didnt get together, i’m sick at the thought of them with each other” even though thats beyond what their relationship was like as the story was drawing to a close. one tweet i saw which was a quote of one which showed a screenshot of the characters in the ship i’m talking about in a canonical platonic showing was something along the lines of “the four people who still ship this must be on suicide watch” which is just an awful thing to think of about anyone.

i do try to feel good about shipping them publicly despite all thats been brought towards me for it. or, at least the nothingness of it. a lot of blogs i’ve interacted with and been interested about following in the past through tag scrolling have blocked me for shipping it. i know this because i always notice that a couple blogs who mainly post about the fandom aren’t on my dash. it’s weird, i don’t even like it as a “standard” underage ship. i’m not saying they’re wrong for keeping themselves safe from things they don’t like, it just glooms me out because i still want to interact with much of the fandom, even if we don’t agree on stuff. i’m too old to be spiralling over these things and activating the sanctification in me i’m trying hard to undo to enjoy my hobbies. why does it even matter to me this much that people block me because they don’t like shit i create or post

with this i feel like anti culture absolutely neuters any kind of intellectual discussion about characters who were in a “problematic” relationship and gone out of it to be part of a standard platonic one. i don’t how unique it is for this ship, but i do imagine that people look into the bad things about it far too much. and hey, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure

(i’m being vague to protect myself from antis who might find me out and send me dumb shit, forgive me)

No, no, you're very right. The rise of anti culture has definitely led to a decrease in having decent, intellectual conversations about pairings in media and how the relationships between characters shift in ways that display incredibly important aspects of their stories.

But that ties back to the loss of media literacy, I fear.

[yuseirra]

Hello~ I have something to say because there's been something that's been on my mind, leaving me very depressed and concerned for the past couple months. I've been trying my best to be cheerful and uplifting but it's hurting me so much I just can't stand it...I have to be true to myself and let it all out, I feel like a stone's being pushed onto my chest, and I won't feel better without addressing it somewhere, so please pardon me, okay?

I'd been drawing a lot of project moon's fanworks earlier, remember how there's been an incident regarding limbus company and the artist being fired and whatnot? and then there's this stuff going about how fingers are drawn in maplestory, I have no idea about the details but something happened in arknights?? too? I don't play that game but still, well I'd been seeing a lot of these stuff happen for the past couple of months and since I come from a country where that's directly being taken place, I saw a lot of it happen firsthand except for some recent ones, it made me to go terminate my twitter which I had for a decade (I think I had it since 2013 or 2014. not that it matters now anyway, but I miss my friends I had there so much.)

I'm really hurt. It pains me so much to see people dig up a tweet someone's made several years ago using some kind of data crawler or archive and decide to get the mass to bring down a person over it, a person has many sides, how can you determine how exactly someone's feeling about something? and how can it lead to things like death threats, how can people be so eager to make someone "pay", I understand that people can be frustrated over some things, but where's the limit of these things? I felt so threatened and scared and upset, nothing bad's happened to me in person. All I've experienced is kindness and I am very grateful about it, but I can't say I'm not affected. Seeing a lot of things going around secondhand's been enough to put me through a lot of stress.

Some of my videos regarding projmoon's works had been very popular, you may have seen them if you're in the fandom! I used to be very proud of it. Now I'm upset and scared and I am pained, why can't I be as proud of them as I used to be, I put all my love into it back then. It's a terrible feeling. I have mixed feelings about having it up on my channel.. there's a part of me who love my works a lot.. and is happy about it having been able to give a lot of people joy. People have been enjoying it, and they've all been so kind about it. And then there's another part of me wishing I never made it in the first place because it really hurts and I'm reminded of these incidents whenever I see them. Which is such a pity, since I did a really great job with those. I'm still getting new comments with people telling me they are so impressed and all I could think about now is the.. all the, I don't know what to call all that..,

I'm scared that people might come after me and accuse of me being someone I am not, try to dig up my old tweets and find me problematic for doing something unfavorable for the fandom(not that I've said or done anything harmful in the past, I'm sure of that..I've ALWAYS tried my best to spread love when I could. I am confident about that.) maybe I'm being full of myself. Maybe people don't care about me or my works as much and I'll be okay but I have no idea how things will play out. I've been holding out till now, no one can say I didn't try..the fact that I've been keeping my works up there, I've been trying very hard to be strong in my own way (but at the same time I also felt like a coward for remaining in the status quo)

earlier I saw yt recommending me that library of ruina is getting a switch edition and I get reminded of all these stuff, I can't bear it. It hurts me so much. I've been holding this all in by myself since last july, maybe I'll have to take the videos down to make me feel better, but I'm not sure if I'll be safe that way. I deleted my twitter and now it comes to this, I won't delete my tumblr though. I love my experience as yuseirra and I'm happy for all I've received. I wish I could continue feeling that way, I want to believe in people, I want to care for them, and I don't want to think people will try to come after me and hurt me over the choices I make. So let me be strong, whatever I do, I'll do my best to be that way.

Thank you very much!! Lots of love!!

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, round 1 of the minor bracket

Propaganda:

For Lord Hater and Commander Peepers :

Lord Hater is the self-proclaimed "universe's awesomest evil-doer", an immature, attention-seeking manchild with electric powers and a short temper. He rules the Hater Empire with Commander Peepers as his second-in-command (technically third, after his beloved pet spider-xenomorph, but who's counting), however it soon becomes *very* clear that the cunning, remorseless, hardworking Peepers is the *real* brains behind the empire. Peepers might be frustrated at Hater's incompetence at times and isn't above manipulating him to reach an end goal, but he'd never dream of usurping him because, well, he's really gay and in love with him (as much as he can be in an early-10s Disney cartoon, anyways). Hater might take Peepers for granted a lot of times, but as his oldest friend and closest confidante he's the one who Hater is closest to. Whether it's invading other planets or kicking puppies for fun, these two are *delightfully* terrible jerks and the epitome of gay wrongs. 

Commander Peepers is both Lord Hater's right hand man in villainy AND his jilted stay-at-home-wife-guy (Also in villainy. Hater is really good at getting distracted from productive and efficient villaining.) Lord Hater was the greatest villain in the galaxy thanks to how well he and Commander Peepers worked as an evil team to run the Hater Empire!

Lord Hater conquers planets and is such an edgy bastard. Peepers is the actual brains behind the operation. Peepers is often pushed aside by Hater, they are besties and yet Peepers is always pining for this guy who will never notice. Peepers is so horribly gay for him if you watch the show he wants his stupid boss so bad. Peepers is so scared of him season 1 but then starts yelling BACK in season 2 and has to deal with him like a babysitter or something and yet STILL idolizes him and that’s just such a fun dynamic. His password is H8RNP33PRS43VR (Hater and Peepers forever). They are so evil and everyone fears them and they are villains and they are gay and the side of the fandom that draws them as a married couple that needs counseling is absolutely correct. The fanart of Hater openly liking him back is wonderful but I swear you don’t even need that. They are so gay and villain you have to love them they are

Villains that conquer planets and do evil stuff, my favourite characters, not really canon but they are the best :)

For Basil and Sunny :

OK SO. I want to share this because Sunny and Basil are the literal definition of "be gay do crimes but taken a bit extreme" but in order to do so I would have to share explicit material. So. WARNING(s): HUGEEE spoilers for the game OMORI,  mentions of manslaughter, staged s//cide, and PTSD. Sunny and Basil were friends, best friends in fact. While they were not canonically a couple nor did they have CANON feelings for each other it is very much homoerotic (LOTS of handholding, the creator also made a tweet that just said "omg basil x sunny already", etc.). But one day Sunny got into a huge fight with his older sister Mari and then accidentally pushed her down the stairs, accidentally killing her. He did not know what to do. He just killed his sister whom he loved very much and he doesn't know what to do. Then Basil somehow comes into the picture, and helps him cover the manslaughter by staging Mari's death as s//cide (they hanged her body with a skipping rope on a tree in Sunny's backyard). By the way I forgot to mention both of them were literally twelve years old at the time. I don't know WHY Basil decided to help him stage the murder like THAT but ok?? Anyway.. Basil tried comforting him, telling him "Everything is going to be okay...", and Basil just wanted to stay with Sunny, to go through all the trauma together, to push through. Both of them felt extreme guilt and stuff. But then, Sunny, instead of going through the trauma became a hikikomori (a person who's severely socially withdrawn) and decided to isolate himself for four years and create a fake dream world where everything is fine, Mari is alive and no one can die. This made Basil extremely traumatized even further because not only did he just commit a huge crime but also his best friend and probable crush just abandoned him and everyone else during these hard times. By the way I forgot to mention Basil has abandonment issues caused by his parents that are never there for him. Ok I definitely went off topic.... Uh basically to summarize: Mari's sister died, Basil and sunny covered the murder (together!!), And then sunny left basil. Definition of be gay do crimes. But they were twelve and traumatized :( (and kinda gay tbh)

hahahahahahshshshaha the never did anything wrong in heir life whatre u taking about everything is fine

[mistbow]

Sorey, Mikleo, and Growth

Mostly from the manga. It’s known that Shiramine, the author of the manga, consulted both Hase Yuuta (Zestiria game director) and Yamamoto Naoki (Zestiria game head writer), but from her tweets, we know she put her own spin as to tell another side to the story that the game couldn’t tell, that when put together (with the game as well as the novel), we could glean the message of Zestiria as a whole. (As such, I would also like to bring to your attention what the director of Zestiria attempted to achieve with the game.)

Since every panel is drawn with that thought above, I think there’s more to this too. (Using original Japanese version because the official English localization seems to translate things rather liberally, even though every word, every sentence was carefully thought up according to the author.)

SOREY: This is where I became the Shepherd... feels like it was long time ago. MIKLEO: Really? We were running all over the place that it all happened so fast to me. SOREY: I wonder if we really can pass on the wishes of the previous Shepherd, Gramps, Muse, and the others... MIKLEO: I don’t know, but all Gramps told us back then was to be free to live our lives the way we wanted to. SOREY: Yeah, I became the Shepherd and came all the way this far because of my own will. MIKLEO: Still though, it's thanks to Gramps and the others that we've come this far, and that you've grown up from such a small boy to such a fine man.

SOREY: You’re still growing too. MIKLEO: I’m not talking about our heights!

In Zestiria, it is said that seraphim can control their own growth, it is different from humans in that external things affect their growth. Unlike seraphim, the way of being of humans change with time and experience (人間は天族と違い、時間・経験と共にその在り方を変えていく). Whereas seraphim can be seen as static figures that don’t change—since they’re manifestation of human’s feelings, the very bare “hearts of humans” themselves (天族とは誰かの想い、誰かの祈りから生まれた露わな＜人の心＞そのもの). This is why they can’t lie to themselves, nor can they taint themselves (yes, they can’t produce malevolence).

Speaking of time, it is a concept that I feel is important in Zestiria with the way it keeps being brought up again and again, and if you notice, in Japanese (in the game, in the novel, in the manga... it’s consistent), it is often written in the archaic form 刻 rather than 時, even though both are read the same way as とき. There’s a bit of nuance lost in translation here, as 刻 means “cut” in that “time” used to be represented to be cut up in old Japanese. This kind of explains what they mean by “time flowing differently for seraphim and humans” i.e the passages of time for seraphim and humans are different, measured in different units of time, so to speak.

SOREY: ...I never... want to forget this pain... SOREY: It’s exactly because I felt pain that I was able to continue this journey. SOREY: We're grieving, suffering because of the reality across this world... and that's why we are able to rise up for hope. ROSE: ! SOREY: Many feelings even beyond that I had never known before were shining through! That being case, we— MIKLEO: (Humans accept [receive] something, and with that, they change their way of being.)

SOREY: We’re not afraid to go down this road!! MIKLEO: (With time, you grow taller. With your calling, you don the mantle. If you, with all that, are willing to accept the pain that tries to dye you...) MIKLEO: (Then I, the seraph that resides within you, as the thought that you are who you are, will draw the bow together with you.)

Emphasis mine. And sorry for the awkward translation, but this part is especially lost in the English translation for some reason. Here the manga focuses on the very difference of humans and seraphim—humans grow (affected by time, accepting that it changes them) while seraphim are the feelings of those humans taking form.

It’s definitely deliberate that the panel where Mikleo thinks about how Sorey has grown taller and with the Shepherd’s burden, donned the mantle, is Sorey’s back, seemingly distant, with his Shepherd’s cloak too. Ohsaka (Mikleo’s JP VA) has commented before that when Sorey pulled out the Sacred Blade and became the Shepherd, perhaps Mikleo thought that Sorey became so far out of reach for him, that at that time he probably wondered where the Sorey he knew (the childhood friend he knew) went. There’s the fact that they used to be around the same height too, until Sorey grew much taller than Mikleo was. And it was not spelled out exactly why Sorey was adamant about not making Mikleo a Sub Lord, but Mikleo in the manga understood it as Sorey not wanting the last piece of their peaceful childhood, where even the thought of becoming the Shepherd and Sub Lord didn’t cross their mind, gone.

Also, love the wording for “don the mantle”... it’s both figurative and literal, of course, meaning that with that Shepherd’s cloak he took upon the burden and responsibility himself. What’s more in JP though, 羽織る (“to put on [cloak]”) when translated very literally is “to weave feathers”, and from his feather motif (which the Taizen book has described as symbolizing Sorey being a bird who doesn’t know of malevolence taking flight off to the world) and the Elysalark skit really early in the game, it can become a very nice double meaning. I don’t even need to go to the whole “blank canvas being dyed over” imagery here that’s also in the game and even in the theme song, White Light.

Then we go to Mikleo declaring himself being the thought of Sorey being who Sorey is. Again, seraphim being the manifestation of feelings, thoughts, and prayers of humans themselves.

MIKLEO: I've been wondering about this true name that I had felt in my heart long before I even learned words. Its meaning has always felt mysterious to me... MIKLEO: But now that I've seen that memory, I understand. A sorrowful wish in despair gave birth to me; it is the name of that wish. MIKLEO: It might be a curse, or fate, but we know of [comprehend in its entirety, sense, viscerally feel] the hope that resides within this vessel called life. SOREY: ...Yeah, we can’t let everyone’s, our wishes to be tainted. SOREY: Reach it out, Mikleo! SOREY: Luzrov Rulay [Mikleo the Enforcer]!

So seraphim are the very hearts of humans themselves, but especially those who bear the name “Enforcer” are incarnations born as the purest form of those hearts, carrying out the will of those humans (執行者の名を持つ天族は、その心の最も純粋な形として生まれた化身), hence the name. Shiramine said that in the case of Mikleo, he was born out of Michael’s despair, which paradoxically was also his hope. Then he decided to act as Sorey’s purest will.

By the way, it’s not just manga that has Mikleo snapping Sorey out and becoming the first to offer himself as the first bullet to sever the bond between Heldalf and Maotelus. In the novel, he also offered to go first.

「この旅の終わり、僕が嚆矢となる」 “At this journey’s end, I will become the whistling arrow.”

Whistling arrows, in the Heian era, are fired before the battle not just to alert the enemy, but also friendly kami (the beings seraphim in Zestiria are based on) so that they would lend their support. Befitting of a seraph whose armatization uses a bow.

Also, take note on the Japanese quote of Aqua Limit Ultima (which kinda is horribly translated) (and also, it’s called Aqua Limit: Reunion in JP btw):

スレイ「ヘルダルフ…！蒼華たる霊霧の執行！」 ミクリオ「僕が決める！」 二人「「アクアリムス！！」」

SOREY: Heldalf...! The enforcement of the azure spiritual mist! MIKLEO: I will end it! BOTH: Aqua Limit!!

And that’s the will that they finally carried out. It is because they are human and seraph, that they are two people of different kinds (exactly because they’re different, not the same), each aware of their own way of being, that they can grow this far.

水魚の交わり 側に居て当たり前。互いがどんな存在か考えるまでもない。そんな関係。

Like Water and Fish It’s only natural to be by each other’s side. They don’t even need to think what they are to each other. It’s such a relationship.

異体同心 種族は違うが、同じ想いを抱いて育った。人と天族の可能性を示す。

One Heart in Different Bodies They are of different kinds, but they grew up embracing the same feelings. Showing the possibilities of humans and seraphim.

唯一無二の 互いに誰よりも負けたくない相手。だから成長できる。今までも、これからも。

The One and Only They do not want to lose to each other more than anyone else. That's why they can grow. Until now, and from now on.

応えしもの もう言葉はいらない。友の決意を心で受け止めた親友に捧げる称号。

One who Answers No more words needed. A title granted to the best friend who has taken his friend’s decision to heart.

Truly the embodiment of what a human and a seraph can be. That’s the kind of bond that is, and the way they grow together also illustrates that.

[ive-had-enough-spn]

I would have put this on my twitter account but, due to the persistent stalking I am having to put up with, that is now locked and on private indefinitely. It is likely I will be shutting it down entirely when I officially leave the fandom for good. Which, sadly, seems to be drawing ever closer.

I really tried to pretend like so much wasn't getting on top of me. But the reality is this fandom has made me hate myself as a person. And a lot of that is down to the behaviours that seem to be accepted in it.

Now I appreciate most fandoms have shitty behaviours. But when you're in a fandom where large BNF's have been involved in bullying of other accounts, you'd have thought that there would have been some reflection and learning from that.

Evidently not.

Because every time I go on twitter, there is some new drama that is completely blown out of proportion and shared across the fandom, which just makes it a really miserable place to be.

And when I talk about shitty behaviours I mean the following:

Screenshotting tweets that fans don't agree with to share around the fandom. It's just the cyber equivalent of talking about somebody behind their back because they don't want the OP to engage and defend themselves.

Talking about people behind their back. It leads me nicely into this. So often there will be something problematic that has happened at a convention, or somebody has said something that another person doesn't like and, again, rather than block or not engage. There will be snide, vague, tweets going on about how this person did this. But then not using their name, or using a variation just so they can't read what is being seen.

The constant having a go at the other ship. I'm fine with people saying they don't want to interact with somebody who ships something they don't enjoy. We all need to curate our space on social media, and that is the best way to do it. The issue I have it with those who only go on about how much they hate the other ship, or how problematic it is. And there are a lot of people out there. Some even try and find problematic ships in really innocent tweets and that is so fucking infuriating. Yes, you can talk about how Dean and Sam have a bond without it descending into a rant about how these people are promoting wincest. They're not. They're just talking about two brothers who love each other a lot! And have been through hell, there is nothing wrong in that! That doesn't make it fucking wincest!

Cyberstalking. I don't believe I am the only victim of this. Unfortunately I only have my own experience to share. But I don't believe for a second that nobody knows who is persistently retweeting my accounts. Either way, it's stalking and I'm just so fucking tired of people being silent about it and basically accepting it.

Telling people to unfollow/block others because one person has a problem with them. Maybe this one just hits harder because it happened to me. But anybody who followed through with this is actively involve in cyberbullying. It's as simple as that. I was isolated from people I got on really well with, and I felt like shit. And I still do.

The constant negative tweets about actors. We go to, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And so many people should take this advice. I love Jared, Jensen, Misha and all those involved in the show. But they're just humans, and humans make mistakes. They have bad days They have good days. They have struggles with their personal lives and mental health just like all of us. None of this makes them bad people, it just makes them human. And it's time people stop slagging them off because of something that they've done in the past; they've had a bad day at a convention; or they've said something that you don't like. If you truly don't like it, you don't have to reference it at all. Especially as Misha is an extremely active social media user who is known to have come across fandom tweets in the past. And no doubt probably feels a bit shit if he reads somebody slagging him, or his friends, off. It's no wonder he can look 'miserable' at conventions when he had to constantly deal with that.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not innocent. And this is why the fandom has made me hate myself.

I have engaged in these kind of behaviours to. Screenshotting tweets I didn't agree with; being involved in group chats where we basically rip people down for daring to have an opposing opinion; getting involved in whispers about others on twitter when their behaviour was problematic, even though I should have just taking my own advice to block it off my timeline.

Because the reality is, it isn't me, I was just so desperate for approval that I engaged in some really horrible stuff and I regret ever being that person.

I also regret some of my earlier stories. I've considered orphaning them for a while now, and maybe one day I will. But we will see.

That being said, I don't regret calling out those who have deliberately harmed me. I still stand by everything I said. Because I know for a fact from friends that they did everything possible to isolate me from the fandom. Even going as far as telling others they should unfollow and block me.

That is why I have no regrets in that regard. Because people like that are the biggest issue with the fandom.

It's a shame. Because I love the show. I was 15 when it was first aired in my country and I instantly fell in love with Dean as a character and Jensen as an actor. He is why I came back, but I half wish he had never been cast as Soldier Boy, because I had happily left Supernatural behind 10 years before.

The other shame is that. I don't believe the whole fandom is bad. There are some inherently good people who have been dragged into some shitty situations. I've found those on Tumblr to be kind and supportive, so I don't know if this is mainly a twitter thing. That being said, some of my attackers are on Tumblr, and with Tumblr encouraging those on Twitter to move over, I just worry that more of these behaviours will be seen here soon.

And that really saddens me. Because fandoms should be a fun and safe space. The actors always talk about how supportive the fandom is, but the reality isn't that simple. And over the last 4 months this fact has really hit home for me.

Anyway, if people read this. Please, for the sake of improving this fandom, just block people if you don't agree with them. Don't be a dick.

[causenessus]

new grounds

part 0.6. TOXIC TRAIT . . . 1.5.2024

PLAYING IN THE CAFE . . . atomic vomit by steve lacy

it’s 10 o’clock. not in the afternoon, at night. she’s huddled in a corner next to keiji, the both of them leaning on each other and periodically dozing off and then shaking the other awake. 

kageyama is a few feet away from her on her right, playing with his hands as they wait for their manager who is late as per usual.

yachi is a little more energetic, sitting a chair’s distance away on keiji’s side, swinging her feet as she scrolls on her phone. she giggles at something which draws all of their attention.

“akaashi,” she says, turning towards him. “do you want to tell me about this condom thing?”

“oh god,” keiji removed his arm from around y/n’s shoulder to cover his face with his hands. 

y/n laughs as she sits upright in her chair, it had only happened a few days before, but it felt like forever ago.

“what more is there to say? keiji’s tweet summed it up pretty good,” she answers and keiji groans at the thought.

kageyama tries his best not to look as he listens. his phone is buzzing with texts from a group chat. his friends are trying to encourage him to talk to her after he told them she was here. but he can’t. instead, he’s on google researching condoms and microphones, something he never thought he’d be doing. ever.

then a bell chimes as the door opens and their manager walks in, a small corduroy bag around her shoulders over a white puffer jacket. 

“happy holidays, sorry i’m late,” she slings off her bag as she talks.

everything is pointless here. they’re all pretending to listen to her as if they respect her and she’s pretending like she actually does her job. but maybe that’s all his opinion.

“this last year was pretty good. we lost some people but you’re all new additions and you’ve been handling this great. i help out when i need to, i accommodate when you guys need some days off…” it was slowly transitioning into statements about her, which she realized and quickly cleared her throat, pulling out a folder. “the only things i can say is you all need to do better about getting to work on time and calling out. if you’re all gonna call out one day at least tell me a day ahead or something. it’s not like i can stop you guys from doing it, just don’t make it a habit,” she sighs, running a hand through her hair. “i think that was all, if you guys can hang out here for 20 minutes more, we’ll all get paid extra. everything’s free today for you guys, so if you want anything just let me know and i’ll make it for you.”

y/n settles back down into her chair with a steaming chai latte, curling back up against keiji, whose sipping on a brewed green tea. yachi is happy with a hot chocolate, and kageyama has a mug of warm milk in his hand.

none of them want caffeine right now, it’s too late. they all just want to go home but they aren’t going to miss out on being paid just for sitting around.

but something bothers her about the fact that kageyama’s been on his phone this whole time. he keeps texting someone, she assumes, and for some reason that sits wrong with her. she wants to know what’s going through his head and who he’s talking to. a part of her wishes he would look at her, or ask how she’s doing.

maybe that’s asking for too much, it sounds comedic just thinking about it. he’s never talked to her more than he needed to. he’s never been one to say “how are you?” but maybe after her havoc on twitter, she thought he’d be more interested.

he's unlike anyone she's ever met, and maybe that's what makes her care so much. she's never cared so much about what anyone thought, or in garnering a simple look from them.

but he won't look at her and she can't predict how he's going to act, and she doesn't know how to handle that except by telling herself that she hates him.

“look at him,” y/n can’t help but whisper to the companion she’s leaning against, still facing towards the boy who’s mindlessly scrolling on his phone as he sips on his drink. “look at the state we’re in and he doesn’t even care. he hasn’t looked at us once.”

keiji raises his brows in surprise at her comment. what did it matter what he cared? but then he pieces it together.

“well, he’s seen me like this once at the beginning of the fall during our first show. but yachi’s right,” he gives her a sly smile as she tilts her head back, looking at him confused, “you really do care what he thinks.”

her face turns red at the thought and she immediately sits up, staring down into the swirling foam of her latte. “i do not,” she mumbles.

"i don't care," she whispers again. but she can't even bring herself to say it confidently.

prev. | m.list | next

extras <3

kageyama literally knew y/n would be at the celebration because it was a mandatory and he had overheard her talking about in their psych class once to a classmate but he wasn't actually prepared

he immediately opened up his gc when she walked in and said "she's here" and the gc subsequently blew up

my boy was literally texting about yn the entire night but she thought he was just on his phone </3

the gc was trying so hard to get her to talk to him and he had the nerve to say things like "she looks busy" "she looks tired" "she's laying against akaashi right now"

which is when hinata with all the love in the world but not the brightness of someone intelligent said he should spill a drink on them so that she wouldn't be laying on him anymore (literally not said with any malice he's heard from bokuto how cool he is)

yams screamed no in the groupchat and outloud...because tsukki, hianta and him were all in the same room texting the groupchat in silence

other than that hinata was going off with the advice and giving kageyama all the reasons why he could talk to y/n

y/n keeps looking at akaashi because she wants to open her mouth and express how she really feels about kageyama (which would come up as a jumble of undiscernible words) but doesn't know what he'll say so then she looks away

yachi can't work on sunday because she's going to an art auction!! <3 how coincidental

(also my brain for some reason really wanted to write the written part in the present tense for absolutely no reason which i was trying to fight and then got confused so hopefully it still flows ok </4)

taglist: @ncitygreen @lvrlamp @cherrypieyourface @mimi3lover @lees-chaotic-brain @frootloopscos @0moonii @cr4yolaas @eggyrocks @pinkiscool @httpakkeiji @localgaytrainwreck @lunaviee @kitty-m30w @lixie-phoria @aliruuiz @tartfrappe @corvid007 @iluv-ace @yvjitadori @k8nicole (form to be added to taglist! <3)

[andrwgarfields]

I also didn’t love the drawing lol. I know they’ve said being mean to each other is like their love language, obviously Kit didn’t mean any harm, and Joe probably didn’t even care lol, but idk I feel like that kind of teasing should probably be kept between them. Like that drawing just looked like the sort of thing people who constantly shit on Joe and make viral hate tweets about his appearance would have a field day with. And the nose thing? I hope that was immediately put out of Joe’s head, he’d clearly never even thought about it before 😭 idk it made me feel similarly to the way I felt when Trixie and Katya reacted to the first season of Heartstopper and repeatedly insulted Joe’s appearance and no one else’s, just unnecessary

for sure! the moment i heard that they had to draw each other i just went…uhoh…and like yeah i just didnt like how joes voice got so small when he looked at tia asking whether his nose is big like gosh give him a break already 😭

i think it just doesnt help that joes looks are always the first thing ppl attack him for and i guess like you mentioned it just seems to give more material for ppl to be dickheads (like see even his costar sees him this way bla bla bla) at least kit tried to backtrack and sorta blamed it on the little time they had lol

[officialdiegorodriguez]

Every day, Diego was forced to remind himself that Henry was his boyfriend, and that Dante was simply helping the two of them out. The Brit was nothing short of committed to his newfound role as Henry’s faux boyfriend, despite the fact that he was gaining nothing from the lie, and the logical side of the musician’s brain told him he should be grateful. In fact, Dante was nothing but charming to Diego too, always offering a warm smile and a friendly clap on the shoulder, going above and beyond to ensure that the media steered their attention well away from his personal life. The truth of the matter was that Dante Lee was a Godsend, giving Diego exactly what he’d asked for and allowing him the privacy to come to terms with his sexuality in his own time and at his own pace. 

And yet, Diego was jealous. 

Despite Henry’s reassurances and his own insistence that he’d play nice and not let it get to him, it had, in fact, gotten to him. Just last night an article had dropped about some bullshit Gala Night that Diego knew next-to-nothing about, something Formula 1 related that Henry insisted he’d told him about, though pretty much anything sports related went straight over Diego’s head. The article waxed lyrical about it being the first big event that Dante and Henry would be attending together as a couple, the two of them having gone public with their relationship solely on social media, not yet having ventured out in Black Tie. 

Diego knew it was all bullshit, a facade to protect his own peace, but he’d stupidly let his attention wander to the comments. He’d spent the better half of his night, and the early hours of the morning, doom-scrolling pretty much every form of social media he could get his hands on, reading comments about just how cute the two of them were together, and even stumbling across countless tweets about himself. People speculating over his sexuality, some even going so far as to say he had homophobic energy and that Henry and Poppy should have him ousted from the band.  

Even with Henry looking cute as a button and sound asleep beside him, Diego couldn’t ignore the anxiety that roiled in his stomach even long after he’d set his phone aside. 

In the end, he’d barely slept and by the time he’d heard Henry stirring beside him, he was exhausted. He’d feigned the act of rousing from his slumber, blinking in succession as he tried to imitate Henry’s own sleepy mannerisms, and had plastered on a smile when his boyfriend asked if they were still on for lunch with Ciara before his night out with Dante. 

While it certainly seemed to suit Henry and Dante that their international tour stops were coinciding perfectly with Dante’s schedule, Diego dreaded the idea of having to keep himself busy around some random Hungarian city that he barely knew while Henry was off playing house with a British guy much hotter than his actual boyfriend, and Poppy was spending the evening hanging out with fucking Noah of all people. 

Lunch had gone reasonably well, with Ciara mostly directing her attention towards Henry, ensuring that the night went off without a hitch and that nobody got wind of their deception. Henry, ever attentive, had checked in multiple times with Diego throughout their meal; A careful squeeze of his hand beneath the table here, a whispered ‘is everything okay, cherie?’ there. His tender nickname, that sweet yet subtle utterance of all that he felt, meant only for Diego's ears. It was usually enough to quiet the noise in Diego's head, to draw him back to Earth and fill him with a calm like nothing he'd ever felt before.  

Today, unfortunately, appeared to be the exception. His head seemed to pound – his lack of sleep no doubt catching up with him – and his chest ached as the two of them finally exited their brunch spot and started making their way back to their hotel. They walked in silence, Diego's head spinning at a rapid rate, his thoughts too loud to justify intermittent small talk. 

He was so caught up in his own head that, at first, he'd hardly registered the stranger that stepped into his path, camera in hand as he appeared to yell directly in both his and Henry's face. Diego blinked stupidly, mind racing, as he tried to clear the fog that was clouding his brain. Demands and obscenities were being thrown his way, the flash of a bulb going off at a rapid rate, causing Diego to startle and stumble sideways into Henry, his hand closing around the other man's wrist in an attempt to steady himself. 

Journalists – if you could even justify referring to them as such – appeared on every side of them, thick Hungarian accents mingled with tell-tale sounds of those from across the pond, no doubt having followed them with each tour stop. 

"Henry, how does it feel to have the eyes of not only the music industry on you, but a sea of Formula One fans too?" 

"Henry, what will you be wearing tonight?" 

"Diego, how does the band feel about Dante Lee?" 

Each cry for their attention, each vapid question seemed to fill the air, Diego's ears ringing as his hand slipped around Henry's waist, dropping to the small of his back as he tried to navigate the two of them through the crowd of vultures. 

That's when it came. 

"Diego, doesn't it bother you to have to share a stage with a f–?" 

White noise. That's all Diego recalled. His head reared back in surprise, that vile word filling the space; Diseased and rotting, crawling along Diego's skin and making his stomach churn with revulsion. 

"Hen, forgive me," was all he said as he momentarily turned to face his boyfriend, his voice soft and low before he pulled away from the other man. 

Then, without so much as a second thought, he twisted his body back to the target of all of his rage. His arm lifted as he swung, his fist colliding heavily with the other man's jaw. Gasps filled the air, cameras flashed, and before anybody could stop him, Diego surged forward yet again, tugging at the lapel of the photographer's jacket as his camera toppled to the ground, shattering at their feet. 

[beardedmrbean]

Oh hey, sorry this is my issues with a lot of black characters

Also the tweet their quoting

https://x.com/thestrxggler/status/1768348156922859892?s=46

Soo

Hillbillies

Trailer trash

Most white people in the Appalachian Mountains?

The Irish

The Jews?

The Italians and Germans in the USA during the world wars?

Actually I learn a lot of families stop teaching their kids their heritage languages in fear they would be put into internment camps during ww2….which explains why we’re monolingual af

I watched a video from count dankula where he covered the mess Tonya Harding did in ice skating? Now he primarily focus on the victim, but mention that it’s very likely that the judges had a classist bias towards Tonya which lead her to do the hit.

I was thinking about making a book called “The American Aristocrat”

Now this sound weird, but I found another tweet I link later. But my book would be about how the upper middle class presume that most black Americans are disfranchises due to slavery and Jim Crow, that played a role….but also the sex revolution, the shipping of factories to China and Mexico etc.

And you wondering why black Americans love the feds. Okay I’m going to be 24 next Thursday, but I think older blacks who lived through the 80’s-00’s confirm it better

Welfare, yeah welfare checks

Actually I been opposed to the Universal Basic Income thing because well….my community been a LOVELY experiment to show what happens if we push more Americans socialism

Black Panther tried to show the difference between African American and Africans…but the director and main writer is from Oakland so he still don’t comprehend the issues Africans have with us.

Next anon, but I thought about maybe seeing American through an African immigrant lens. Yes it been tackled before and most Africans just see black Americans as Americans but I think a make complex stories showing how black Americans and Africans are worlds shows a significant issues they have when Hollywood use them

Another anon, but African creators and writers online maybe realize something that hell I felt when going to the Americas in the ac games after traveling across Europe in the previous ones

Oh hey, sorry this is my issues with a lot of black characters Also the tweet their quoting

This is the kind of people that will claim the oppression Olympics doesn't exist, right before or after saying this.

If I take a blank sheet of paper and put a dot on it with a sharpie it's no longer a blank sheet of paper, if I scribble on it with a sharpie it's also no longer a blank sheet of paper.

Just because they're different degrees of drawing doesn't change the fact that they're both no longer blank paper, just because your experiences are worse it doesn't mean other people aren't also experiencing something.

Actually I learn a lot of families stop teaching their kids their heritage languages in fear they would be put into internment camps during ww2….which explains why we’re monolingual af

Some did some didn't there was a push to assimilate made by lots of migrants in the late 19th early 20th century, especially the ones that came in through places like Ellis Island.

Unlike the nazi here in the US Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz would be told his name is George Brown when all that was going on, anglicized names were the order of the day.

Now this sound weird, but I found another tweet I link later. But my book would be about how the upper middle class presume that most black Americans are disfranchises due to slavery and Jim Crow, that played a role….but also the sex revolution, the shipping of factories to China and Mexico etc.

Ya, blue collar work that you could earn enough to raise a family on went to China and Mexico, that and it also got automated.

And you wondering why black Americans love the feds. Okay I’m going to be 24 next Thursday, but I think older blacks who lived through the 80’s-00’s confirm it better Welfare, yeah welfare checks Actually I been opposed to the Universal Basic Income thing because well….my community been a LOVELY experiment to show what happens if we push more Americans socialism

UBI thing, Finland was the first to run a test program on that 5 years back or so, biggest takeaway they announced at first then never spoke of again was that it increased the trust in the govt, none of the actual goals were achieved, not to any great measure at least.

I am in favor of things like SNAP and such, but UBI I'm wary of to say the least.

Black Panther tried to show the difference between African American and Africans…but the director and main writer is from Oakland so he still don’t comprehend the issues Africans have with us.

Could have solved that problem by talking to a few of them, but in my experience black Africans just see black Americans as Americans, you get the same shit tossed at white folks in the US too.

Long ass rant from someone in Ireland about St Paddy's day all the things we do wrong here, had someone flip out on me screaming I'm not Irish after I'd answered an ask about family heritage.

I said yes I know that's why I called myself an American mutt after leading off with Irish, German, Scotch, and soda.

The French actually do the whole thing right, you're not a Nigerian Frenchman, you're just a Frenchman, French citizens are just French.

Next anon, but I thought about maybe seeing American through an African immigrant lens. Yes it been tackled before and most Africans just see black Americans as Americans but I think a make complex stories showing how black Americans and Africans are worlds shows a significant issues they have when Hollywood use them Another anon, but African creators and writers online maybe realize something that hell I felt when going to the Americas in the ac games after traveling across Europe in the previous ones

Looking forward to it

[kinocomix]

Metal band story devlog 10: OKAY. CHARACTER DESIGNS. LET’S GET TO IT.

So initially when I finally decided it was time for some character designs I faced a problem. It was not a lack of skill or frustration at my art, it was the fact that I don’t know what I’m designing really. let me explain:

I think a very important thing to do in general is to be aware of your shortcomings and I try to apply this rule to myself as often as possible without it being self destructive. one of those shortcomings is my inability to draw things that I’m not personally familiar with.

I don’t think I would have ever drawn shoes that weren’t my own, so you can imagine what that says about characters and people.

This tends to bleed into art block and a good solution for it is to usually find inspiration somewhere. I don’t like doing that, nothing wrong about it and before you accuse me of being on my high horse I will gently remind you and myself that there is nothing new under the sun. I will inevitably end up being inspired by something even if I’m not actively aware of it but I find that basing a design on someone else’s design feels derivative, which setting aside the legal issues of me wanting to publish potentially copied designs, isn’t very nice of me to do to my fellow artists. I’m better than that. In any case I needed to try to start somewhere so I tried making a design for character A. this is the classical musician. I didn’t base the design on their personality because that never not felt weird to me. I don’t want to know what someone is like when I see them, that’s not how people work. 

here is the pathetic first attempt, where i went in with “they’re probably tall and skinny” in mind:

I knew that A would be a classical musician, so I really wanted to include at least a vague reference to one of my favourite pianists, Nahre Sol. I think she’s very cool and so I opted to make A’s hair similar to her’s.

The actual image is upside down

It still looked boring as fuck tho so as is the case with character design, you iterate.

Here you can see I drew a crane, which is a thing you can do when you think designing people is boring as fuck which it usually is if you don’t have fun with the shapes. I really liked how the crane’s body looked like a teardrop and how long the legs were, it also was mostly black and white which went well with the “classical musician who wears classical clothes” vibe.

So I tried a more geometric approach, with long legs but It didn’t fit into the vibe I had in mind and the feet were so comically large i anticipated people would be distracted by it:

I defaulted back to a more organic looking teardrop shape and ended up with this which i liked:

Let’s note a couple of things about this: I liked the eyes, but i very quickly realised I can’t have that be the default shape of the eyes, because please look at this monstrosity: 

I came back to it the next day and made a realisation: those are some big legs. So I decided to lean into it and thought It would be cool if she was strong and muscular, and you’ll note that I’m saying “she”, we’ll get to that in a moment.

I had taken the time to think about the fact that I'd like her more if she was more in context. Because floating in the void like that, she’s just some character which was bothering me. So I started small and made a height chart with some general body types/shapes:

This made me more confident in the design because it had some story now, she was very tall and imposing. 

I was reminded of a tweet by Pseudonymjones where she talks about a kid who saw her and called her “the lady with the big muscles” which i thought was cool as fuck in may 2019 and still think is cool as fuck now.

This made me like the character so much more and It made sense to me because of everything that I knew so far about the character and the setting that she would be trans. All my research showed that metal musicians would be very likely to be normal understanding human beings and I already know what not to do and what’s preferable from the research I did for Almost Home.

So I present to you the first sketch of Leila:

Note: when designing characters I always design them naked, because clothes a character design does not make. They help, but you can’t start there.

Obviously the design will evolve naturally (and by the end of this devlog update) and get polished the more I draw her but I think this is a solid start. For starters let’s fix those ankles and draw some more sketches to get a feel for what Leila is like when she moves.

Okay, I’m digging the vibe. I also drew this other one where I forgot to factor in the pelvis when accounting for the length of the legs, so i went ahead and tried to edit it:

It looks a bit better, the legs still look gigantic but I think I want to keep that. I imagine she goes to the gym quite frequently on account of being a tryhard. Perhaps that’s one of the things I could explore in the story?

I also tried messing around with her face a bit. I ended up sticking to the one I originally made, which felt the most natural. Maybe that says something about me and how I go with the first thing I see, but it is what it is.

Also here’s a tip for anyone who might need it, you know those doll dress up games where you drag PNGs onto the model? You can use that system when trying to make variations of a design. I did it with a light pad.

This was when I consulted a friend of mine, Alaa. He pointed out the limbs i drew looked kind of ballooney. This wasn't from a lack of reference, it was the abstraction that was done improperly. You see here's two things to keep in mind: firstly I didn't want her to look muscular despite how strong she is. Obviously some of it is bound to show what with her legs as you'll see but I wanted her to seem like a quirky human at first. Secondly, while it's true that I tried to make the limbs with contracted muscles bigger if that's not tastefully done then it just looks silly. So here's where we're at now:

To the left here's you'll note two things, Alaa suggested making her five heads tall instead of 6 which we'll get to in a moment, and the fact that the musculature seems more real now. Here's what i decided to take from his suggestion: i like that the muscles look nicer in the legs, so i changed the legs to match and shortened the pelvis to make her a head shorter. Now about that missing head. Initially while this made the proportions better this also made her shorter which goes against the “awesome towering person” effect i wanted to give her so i had 2 options. I either could keep the extra length but try to fit it in somewhere which could work but it would add extra time to this entire process which I do not have and I am one human being; OR I could simply scale her up. This would make her base circle bigger which would require some quick math every time i need to put her in a scene but that's not an issue for me. 

And this is where we ended up. This is something we can use to make a turn around ref sheet once we have an outfit(s). For reference, I drew Graham from Almost home who is about the size of an average human:

Yes, Charlie and Graham are not actually short. Everyone is just taller than them cause that's my experience being short, It just never came up lol

Here's what I like about this and here's what I'm glad I did not include: I like the cartooney proportions that still show some respect to the human. I like that she has the stubborn belly fat that some body builders struggle with. I like that while she looks imposing and is to some extent, a lot of her personality traits will contrast that and give her depth and nuance. (Also in case you're curious, her base circle is 1.2 times the size of average characters)

A final note, which is by no means an insult to any stylistic approach or artist, there's a fine line to tread between “muscular curvy woman” and “pixar mom”. Here's a drawing on the back of a receipt that a friend drew with some suggestions on how to push the proportions. Solid suggestions, but they don't really fit the vibe I'm going for which is fine- when we make art not everyone is going to like it and that's just how things are.

And yes, she's still naked. Clothes come at the very end when we know we have all the proportions and visual quirks figured out. Buuut that's something I won't include in the devlog. Gotta draw the line of “okay, spoilers” somewhere. Next week, we'll start doing the rest of the cast.

Devlog updates on Tuesdays.