ive-had-enough-spn

[ive-had-enough-spn]

I would have put this on my twitter account but, due to the persistent stalking I am having to put up with, that is now locked and on private indefinitely. It is likely I will be shutting it down entirely when I officially leave the fandom for good. Which, sadly, seems to be drawing ever closer.

I really tried to pretend like so much wasn't getting on top of me. But the reality is this fandom has made me hate myself as a person. And a lot of that is down to the behaviours that seem to be accepted in it.

Now I appreciate most fandoms have shitty behaviours. But when you're in a fandom where large BNF's have been involved in bullying of other accounts, you'd have thought that there would have been some reflection and learning from that.

Evidently not.

Because every time I go on twitter, there is some new drama that is completely blown out of proportion and shared across the fandom, which just makes it a really miserable place to be.

And when I talk about shitty behaviours I mean the following:

Screenshotting tweets that fans don't agree with to share around the fandom. It's just the cyber equivalent of talking about somebody behind their back because they don't want the OP to engage and defend themselves.

Talking about people behind their back. It leads me nicely into this. So often there will be something problematic that has happened at a convention, or somebody has said something that another person doesn't like and, again, rather than block or not engage. There will be snide, vague, tweets going on about how this person did this. But then not using their name, or using a variation just so they can't read what is being seen.

The constant having a go at the other ship. I'm fine with people saying they don't want to interact with somebody who ships something they don't enjoy. We all need to curate our space on social media, and that is the best way to do it. The issue I have it with those who only go on about how much they hate the other ship, or how problematic it is. And there are a lot of people out there. Some even try and find problematic ships in really innocent tweets and that is so fucking infuriating. Yes, you can talk about how Dean and Sam have a bond without it descending into a rant about how these people are promoting wincest. They're not. They're just talking about two brothers who love each other a lot! And have been through hell, there is nothing wrong in that! That doesn't make it fucking wincest!

Cyberstalking. I don't believe I am the only victim of this. Unfortunately I only have my own experience to share. But I don't believe for a second that nobody knows who is persistently retweeting my accounts. Either way, it's stalking and I'm just so fucking tired of people being silent about it and basically accepting it.

Telling people to unfollow/block others because one person has a problem with them. Maybe this one just hits harder because it happened to me. But anybody who followed through with this is actively involve in cyberbullying. It's as simple as that. I was isolated from people I got on really well with, and I felt like shit. And I still do.

The constant negative tweets about actors. We go to, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And so many people should take this advice. I love Jared, Jensen, Misha and all those involved in the show. But they're just humans, and humans make mistakes. They have bad days They have good days. They have struggles with their personal lives and mental health just like all of us. None of this makes them bad people, it just makes them human. And it's time people stop slagging them off because of something that they've done in the past; they've had a bad day at a convention; or they've said something that you don't like. If you truly don't like it, you don't have to reference it at all. Especially as Misha is an extremely active social media user who is known to have come across fandom tweets in the past. And no doubt probably feels a bit shit if he reads somebody slagging him, or his friends, off. It's no wonder he can look 'miserable' at conventions when he had to constantly deal with that.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not innocent. And this is why the fandom has made me hate myself.

I have engaged in these kind of behaviours to. Screenshotting tweets I didn't agree with; being involved in group chats where we basically rip people down for daring to have an opposing opinion; getting involved in whispers about others on twitter when their behaviour was problematic, even though I should have just taking my own advice to block it off my timeline.

Because the reality is, it isn't me, I was just so desperate for approval that I engaged in some really horrible stuff and I regret ever being that person.

I also regret some of my earlier stories. I've considered orphaning them for a while now, and maybe one day I will. But we will see.

That being said, I don't regret calling out those who have deliberately harmed me. I still stand by everything I said. Because I know for a fact from friends that they did everything possible to isolate me from the fandom. Even going as far as telling others they should unfollow and block me.

That is why I have no regrets in that regard. Because people like that are the biggest issue with the fandom.

It's a shame. Because I love the show. I was 15 when it was first aired in my country and I instantly fell in love with Dean as a character and Jensen as an actor. He is why I came back, but I half wish he had never been cast as Soldier Boy, because I had happily left Supernatural behind 10 years before.

The other shame is that. I don't believe the whole fandom is bad. There are some inherently good people who have been dragged into some shitty situations. I've found those on Tumblr to be kind and supportive, so I don't know if this is mainly a twitter thing. That being said, some of my attackers are on Tumblr, and with Tumblr encouraging those on Twitter to move over, I just worry that more of these behaviours will be seen here soon.

And that really saddens me. Because fandoms should be a fun and safe space. The actors always talk about how supportive the fandom is, but the reality isn't that simple. And over the last 4 months this fact has really hit home for me.

Anyway, if people read this. Please, for the sake of improving this fandom, just block people if you don't agree with them. Don't be a dick.

[ive-had-enough-spn]

Ever since my post the private account has been stalking my every move. Every one of these tweets are quote tweets that I can’t see. When I have called out a few the quotes have mysteriously disappeared.

And yet, I’m the fucking problem in this fandom apparently?

I’m being stalked and harassed on there to the point of feeling suicidal and apparently I’m still the issue?

It feels like whoever is doing this is being protected, and I don’t know why.

I’m so fucking tired.

[ive-had-enough-spn]

Now the dust has settled I wanted to say something else. And then that’s it.

I didn’t want people to unfollow or block Sherniibal or Electromignion. Because I don’t believe in taking sides. And I never asked anybody to do that.

I just wanted to put what happened to me out in my own words. Because I felt like I was silenced by this fandom. Being told to just ‘let it go’ is not an acceptable response to somebody who feels they have unjustly accused of something they didn’t do.

Most of those who have blocked/unfollowed me both now and in October. I have this to say.

I never wronged you.

Thats the issue with this fandom. So quick to judge and take sides. And block just on the word of another person.

I’m not a bitch. And people who know me know that.

Yeah I’ve done some shit stuff but I would never have turned on somebody I considered a friend, or bad mouthed them. When literally 2 days earlier we were chatting openly like normal on Twitter back in October.

I will however go on the attack if I feel like I’ve been wronged. And I felt I was wronged by two people I actually trusted.

I try to keep as much to myself as possible because all I want to do is write and share my talent with others.

That’s always been my intention. And it’s what I will continue to do.

[ive-had-enough-spn]

I've had enough, and I'm not leaving quietly.

It's quite funny. When you are a victim of larger, or multiple, accounts in the Supernatural fandom attacking you on Twitter/X, you're normally told to stay quiet and let it go. Because everything will blow over and everybody will forget about it.

So basically, stay silent, don't defend yourself.

Because that is really the cliff notes version of it. A larger account has dragged you down, you should just accept it and be happy that more people didn't believe what they said.

Sadly, when you're the victim, you can't just 'forget about it.' You spend every interaction wondering who you can trust anymore. Or if people really believe what was written about you, even though you know it isn't the truth. And you find yourself becoming more isolated from the fandom, even those you once considered friends.

Yeah, that's not going to sway with me anymore.

The reason I'm doing this on Tumblr and not twitter is, I have a lot to say, and this is the best medium to say it. I'm also doing this on a separate account, not my main one, because I don't want to ruin the positivity I am cultivating on my main account.

So here it goes.

Back in October, two accounts in the Supernatural fandom, Sherniibal and Electromignion, decided to attack me after they believed I had said something about them.

Funny thing is, I hadn't.

It was during Liverpool Comic Con where I was fortunate enough to get a Jenmish Photo Op because I happened to be in the Op room when they were being offered. I didn't realise that would end in having my profile exposed to 6000 people by Sherniibal and Electromignion.

During the time I saw there was a lot of frustration on twitter about the fact they were offering them on the day. I mentioned this was common and that I'd had a conversation with a woman in the line about the fact you could have rung up Liverpool Comic Con and upgraded your Misha op before the convention.

Apparently that was seen as an attack on Sherniibal.

I didn't really pay much mind to it. However the below tweets started to pop up. Again, I didn't really pay too much attention. But I have to say it's funny and wildly hypocritical for her to complain about indirect tweeting when that was exactly what she was doing at the time.

It's equally funny that she has since been complaining about drama in the fandom when, in the past, she was certainly always willing to perpetuate it or make things worse. I’ve checked through her account and she’s gotten rid of those moments.

Obviously realised she was starting to look problematic.

As we had been on a group chat together, she could have gotten in contact with me either on twitter, or discord, to ask if I was talking about her. But apparently, that was up to me to do?

I don't see why.

Outside of my tweet she was also getting anonymous NGL's. One of which was directly attacking her. Others which were telling her to talk to me. None of which I sent because, again, I didn't know what the hell was going on.

She didn't even bother trying

By the time I realised she was indirectly tweeting me I'd really had enough. I was tired due to a horrific train journey back home and I just said she was talking about me. I managed to get a few screenshots before I was blocked to defend myself.

But the result of me outing myself was my profile being exposed to all of hers, and Electromignion's followers.

The action of blocking her as she suggested would have yielded the same results, as it was clear by this stage she was out for blood. She blocked me almost immediately after my tweet though so she could out me to her followers.

I lost a few followers, and got snide little backstabbing comments (e.g. 'I say what I think' kind of thing). And when I tried to defend myself to say I didn't send the NGL's or attack the woman, I was told she had proof and I should just let it go.

But what proof? One tweet I made, and an NGL she received. An anonymous NGL no less that she could have had sent to her by one of her friends?

Hardly proof is it?

Anyway, I just gave up and stayed quiet in the fandom because I realised so many people believed it. I stopped interacting and nearly pulled all of my stories. I was eventually talked out of it.

Now getting to my point.

I never deserved what happened to me. No matter the slight that Sherniibal allegedly thought was there, all she had to do was block me. But instead, she wanted to drag me to 6000 people. The only reason I can think is jealousy because I got something she wanted.

Ever since then I have been stalked by a private account. Considering I had no issues with the fandom outside of this incident, I squarely put the blame on that on Sheniibal. Because, whilst she may not have been the perpetrator of the account, she gave somebody the confidence to continue the attacks on me.

I no longer felt safe in the fandom.

Funnily enough, that private account seems to have disappeared, and I’ve never figured out who it was. Maybe they finally realised it was sick to constantly harrass and stalk a woman who had just lost her father in an extremely traumatic manner. And was so distressed, she held a knife to her own wrists and threatened to kill herself.

However, this account still exists. An account that was set up to attack me. It's funny how it only seemed to get reported once it had turned it's anger onto another member of the fandom as well.

Who, interestingly, was also quick to drop and block me at the word of Sherniibal. Even though she didn't when Sherniibal was indirectly tweeting about her. I guess it must be because I'm a smaller account. Easier to drop me that way.

It made me laugh when Robina was talking about believing people talking about her behind her back were 'friends.' Yes Robina, I thought that about you to, but seems I wasn't a large enough account to be friends with you, or be allowed to defend myself against these allegations.

Hypocrisy at its finest.

I have had multiple people talk to me privately about Sheniibal's actions. Saying they have stopped following, or blocked her, due to her insistence on perpetuating drama. Or overreacting to every little thing in the fandom.

Why they don't call her out publicly? I guess they're scared they may suffer the same fate I did.

Why have I waited nearly a year to finally call her out? Because I’m no longer scared and refuse to be her victim any longer.

Anyway, this is my last post on twitter. I am now out.

I hope that people will read this and pay attention to this and do better. I'm not an innocent person, I've done my fair share of shitty behaviour in the fandom.

But this was one thing I didn't do.

(A few notes -

1 - The final most recent tweets were seen by my main account that I have held long before I joined the SPN fandom. I didn’t have the strength to go back to what she did to me

2 - Electromignion has been named as he was involved and is Sherniibals housemate. He defended her at the time.

3 - I know she will find this and defend herself. Something she is entitled to do.

4 - I know some people will still believe her over me. But at this stage I don’t care anymore

5 - I maintain if I was a bigger account, this would never have happened).