#and to me personally this is a much more meaningful friendship dynamic than relationship dynamic

[kneworder]

i also think there are few things funnier than the way allen and kanda's relationship changes throughout the manga. like i do not ship them at all but for over a hundred issues it's yuu edgelord supreme kanda being like 'FUCK you for being nice and polite all the time. the world is a TERRIBLE place and it is STUPID AND NAIVE for you to pretend otherwise' and allen grin and bear it walker being like 'Actually I Believe In The Inherent Value Of Human Life You Piece Of Shit :) Be Nice To People :) Appreciate Your Friends :) Find Hope Or Go To Hell :) ' and then searching for AW hits with all the force of neah and the fourteenth and suddenly allen is like "maybe it is all meaningless actually haha i ruin everything i touch and my life was never truly mine <3 i think i might go catatonic for a little while about it wouldn't that be fun <3 go on the run and isolate myself <3" while kanda tracks him down to shake him by the shoulders like "wait wait wait fuck you oh my god stop that you need to believe in people again what about your fucking friends jesus christ don't you remember them oh my fucking god where did your stupid hope go and why do i have to be the one to force you to find it UGH." kanda fucked around and found out. literally be careful what you wish for.

[kwamiwayzz]

Jeckole Yapping

Had to dig through my old posts to find the template, but I'm bored and doing this again but for Jecka and Nicole this time. Mostly headcanons and such below

__

• When or if I started shipping it:

I'm going to be honest, but I don't remember. I only got into Co09 a few months ago. All I know is that once I watched the out of context videos on Class of '09 and Re-Up, I wanted more content of them and came across a lot of really good fanart and fanfic.

I think there were a lot of boxes checked off when I slowly went down the rabbit hole lol. There's an emotionally constipated dark-girl paired with a preppy blonde girl who acts as the former's foil. I think what really drew me into them, fanart aside, were the foils and parallels between them. The codependency, expanded upon by Progman, was probably the final nail that dragged me down the brainrot.

• My thoughts:

I've known about them for awhile, and thought they were some random white girls in a cult classic VN that somehow regained a surge of popularity last year. I didn't know the VN was relatively new, and most of the time when I do ship Jeckole, it's without the creator in mind. They have a certain flavor to them that hits in a way where I can't stop brainrotting over them.

Someone mentioned this in a fic comment, but they see them as foils when it comes to dealing with people and the world around them--where Nicole acts as this snarling animal that will bite you if you get too close, while Jecka acts as this wall that doesn't allow things to get to her even if it does bother her. In a way, they envy each other for that, and after reading that fic it reinforced why their dynamic is one that I gravitate towards compared to the others. They have pieces of each other that they're missing and they can't live without the other (I love codependent Jeckole).

• What makes me sad about them:

In-game, they probably wouldn't last after high school when they go their separate ways. As much as Nicole sees Jecka as a slightly more "special" person to her than most people at the school, their friendship is more for convenience--with Nicole finding Jecka to be more tolerable and cool compared to everyone else (along with the added bonus of not being a loner), and Jecka finding Nicole more fun to hang around with than all her other school friends despite knowing how much Nicole is a fucked up mess and bad influence. In-game Nicole is also someone who would continue to keep everyone at an arm's length and also wouldn't fight too hard (outside of the Jecka and counselor smoking scene) to maintain any meaningful relationships once they're out of her reach.

But also, who cares what the creator thinks because fanart and fanfic exists lmaoooooo.

• What makes me happy about them:

There's a scene in Flip Side where Nicole calls Jecka first thing in the morning at 7am asking her where McDonald's keeps their frozen patties, only for Jecka to say they don't have them because McD serves breakfast during those hours. Then Jecka calls Nicole stupid, and I just found that scene funny in an oddly comforting way.

Nicole is comfortable enough to bug Jecka and wake her up so early in the morning for something so mundane, while Jecka just stays on the phone listening to whatever antics she's in instead of hanging up immediately and going back to bed. I also mentioned this in another post, but someone on Twitter said the thing they love most about Jeckole is how Nicole was willing to get to know Jecka even after saying she has no desire to make any connections at her new school. It can be interpreted as a convenience thing on Nicole's end, but every route in the original game has her willing to either ask for Jecka's name or share her name when they first meet.

To me, their back and forth dynamic keeps them balanced enough to stay fucked up with the potential of becoming well-adjusted in the future.

• Things done in art/fic that annoys me:

There's a number of interpretations when it comes to the Co09 characters, so I understand it can be hard to write them. But for me personally, I'm not a fan of when Nicole is depicted as either way too nice and uncharacteristically soft or way too mean and following the stereotypical SBN interpretation that "Nicole doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything".

• Things I look for in art/fic:

When they're codependent :) or when they're codependent with a slight chance of them getting healthier over time. Also, just them being stupid together.

I'm also one of the few people (I haven't come across too many others yet) that seek out future Jeckole stuff. Whenever I picture them as adults, it's always aurawra21's art in mind.

• Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

I'm a monoshipper when it comes to Class of '09, so probably no one. It adds to that codependent flavor :) but if you want a real answer...

For Nicole, probably Emily.

For Jecka, probably Emily also.

• My happily ever after for them:

Moving out of their town, healing from their trauma, and getting healthier over time. Maybe they won't be better people exactly, but they'd at least be less fucked up and a little happier (with Nicole finding some will to keep living past 30) after cutting off their toxic families.

• What is their favorite activity?: 

Nicole forcing Jecka to watch Mythbusters and How It's Made with her (in exchange for watching Smallville and Charmed with Jecka). Also, probably smoking together, assuming that Jecka hasn't quit her smoking habit ten years later.

[fortunatelylori]

A defense of Eloise Bridgerton and her friendship with Penelope Featherington

I should probably start this post by pointing out the fact that I’m not the biggest Eloise fan out there. In fact Eloise has consistently annoyed me for two seasons straight with her I’m “not like other girls” shtick and the writers using her as a prop for modern feminist talking points. 

Mostly what I disliked about Eloise was the bluntness and lack of charm used to put across the themes of women’s role in recency society and the lack of options for girls not interested in playing the marriage mart mind games. 

Jane Austen, for example, makes many of the same points regarding women in her novels but instead of beating us over the head with it, she uses wit, eloquence and wisdom to get her points across. 

But, above all, I disliked just how self involved Eloise was, what a major chip on her shoulder she had. She’s a privileged girl from an immensely powerful and rich family that spends her days whining and being dismissive of everyone around her. 

She spends most of season 1 picking fights with Daphne for no reason and the second season making fun of Colin and running around town like a chicken without a head not so much because she wants to find out who Lady Whistledown is but because she’s bored and wants something to do (something other than talking to men potentially interested in marrying her because she’s gay she’s not like other girls). 

Even as I’m writing this, I’m questioning whether I’m even the right person to defend Eloise because, as you can clearly tell, I don’t much care for her. But I do think Polin and Penelope fans are really misjudging Eloise and wanting to make her the villain of season 3 due to her resentment towards Penelope and her anger at the Polin engagement.

So I guess I have to be the hero without a cape in this instance. 

Here it goes …

It’s very easy to look at the friendship between Eloise and Penelope in season 1 and 2 and conclude that Eloise has always been a bad friend to Penelope. After all, almost every scene they have together is about Eloise, her interests and passions, her frustrations at the ton and the marriage mart, her inability to fit in with societal expectations, her quest to find out the identity of Lady Whistledown etc, etc. There’s almost never room for Penelope to even get a word in because Eloise talks and talks and keeps on talking. 

But I’d like to put forth another interpretation and say that perhaps this dynamic in the relationship isn’t all on Eloise. That it’s Penelope herself that prefers it that way. That she’d much rather talk about Eloise and her issues than to reveal anything truly meaningful or vulnerable about herself. 

A scene that supports this theory is the scene they have in season 2, episode 1: 

This is about as open and vulnerable Penelope ever is with Eloise and in this scene we can observe several things: 

Despite her being more open than usual, Penelope is still lying to Eloise. She talks about how she enjoys being a wallflower because she can have all the fun without the pressure that comes with being in the spotlight. In reality we know Penelope would love to be in the spotlight but is frightened of being rejected. She’s not having fun hugging the wall at all and yet she’s unable to share that with her friend. 

As soon as Penelope opens up, albeit only partially, Eloise is quick to notice that, despite pretending not to enjoy the balls and the marriage mart, Penelope actually likes all of these things. This shows not only that she knows Penelope pretty well (as well as Penelope herself will allow Eloise to know her) but that, despite disagreeing on the topic, she’s supportive of Penelope and listens to her. 

It’s also worth comparing the way Eloise behaves with Penelope vs. the way she behaves with Cressida in season 3. 

Cressida and Eloise’s relationship is much more balanced and equal because Cressida stands up for herself, pushes back at Eloise when she needs to (like explaining why she needs to marry Lord Debling despite not being compatible) or when Eloise accuses her of telling everyone about Colin helping Penelope find a husband. 

And Eloise learns to adjust. She becomes a more supportive friend, sharing her knowledge of birds so that Cressida can impress Lord Debling, making conversation with him when Cressida doesn’t know what to say and coming to her house to visit her and offer support. 

My point is: Eloise is not perfect. She’s self involved and dismissive of things she isn’t personally interested in but is willing to put in the work for a friend if said friend is honest with her about what they need from their friendship. 

Which leads us back to Penelope. Eloise is the most meaningful relationship in her life (Colin is as well but that’s a much more fraught relationship for Penelope because she wants to be lovers not friends) and yet she refuses to share the two most important aspects of her life with her friend: her love for Colin and her being Lady Whistledown. 

Let’s leave Colin to the side for now because Eloise being his sister complicates matters as far as Penelope telling her she’s in love with him. 

But why doesn’t she tell Eloise about Lady Whistledown? Particularly in season 1, when she’s just starting to write the scandal sheet. She has no idea where Lady Whistledown will even lead, if she’ll keep going etc. She’s basically doing it because she’s a writer and she wants to have fun talking about the society she knows so well. 

So why not share the fun with her friend? It’s pretty clear Eloise doesn’t even know Penelope is a writer and hasn’t seen anything she ever wrote before Lady Whistledown because, otherwise, she’d know it was Penelope doing it. 

Also let’s not forget that, in season 1, Eloise was Lady Whitledown’s number 1 fan. She can’t stop talking about how amazing and brilliant she is. 

And yet Penelope says nothing. She’d rather grin proudly behind Eloise’s back than go: “Actually this woman you like so much … I am she. She is me.”

She again fails to do it in season 2, despite knowing that Eloise helped her in escaping the queen’s men at the end of season 1. 

And then the worst part of their friendship begins as the pressure from the queen mounts and Eloise is more and more determined to find out the identity of Lady Whistledown. Penelope chooses to gaslight and manipulate Eloise for weeks.

It’s not just Eloise’s relationship with Theo and her attending political meetings that put her in harm’s way and eventually forces Lady Whistledown to write about her in order for the Queen to stop suspecting Eloise. It’s Penelope’s refusal to be honest with her friend. 

Penelope is so determined to keep Eloise in the dark that even at the end of season 2, when she walks into her bedroom and sees Eloise, she still tries to gaslight her one last time. 

Penelope: You’ve been reading too much Whistledown. Her voice is echoing in your head. 

Penelope is stuck in a pattern of toxic behavior because that’s what she’s learned to do from her family. She cannot be honest about Lady Whistledown or anything truly meaningful, despite how hard it is for her to remain isolated and in the shadows: 

Penelope: You have no idea how horrible it has felt to keep this from you! From everyone! For so long. 

It’s no wonder that, in their fight scene, Eloise tells her: 

Eloise: I do not even know you. 

That’s because Penelope herself has made it so that the people closest to her, Eloise and Colin, don’t actually know the real her. She’s given each of them what she thought they wanted and needed (she’s very similar to Colin in that way) but not enough of the real her.

So when the Lady Whistledown revelation happens, there’s nothing for Eloise to fall back on in order to try and understand Penelope. 

All of a sudden her best friend feels like a stranger. A stranger that has exposed her intimate affairs to the whole world and who tells her this: 

Penelope: At least I did something. All you ever do is talk about doing something. You have all of these great ambitions, these great plans but I am the one who actually did something great and you can’t stand it, can you? 

Now, because we, as the audience, are privy to Penelope’s inner world and we know just how riddled with low self-esteem she is and how she’s used to those closest to her being dismissive of her or her achievements, it’s easy for us to see that Penelope tells Eloise this in anger. Particularly after Eloise tells her:

Eloise: I look at you now and all I feel is pity for you. Sequestered here, in this very room, writing your secret little scandal sheet, tarnishing everyone in town all because you are too afraid to stand up for yourself in reality. You are something else, Penelope. An insipid wallflower, indeed. 

Eloise’s words hit too close to home. Too close to the reality of Penelope’s isolation and fear of being alone and abandoned so she hurts Eloise back the only way she can. By pointing to the fact that despite talking and talking endlessly about all the great things women, and she in particular, could be doing, Eloise isn’t actually doing anything. 

Basically, these two manage to hurt each other worse than anyone else could because they’re best friends, because they know each other and what makes the other one tick. 

But from Eloise’s perspective? In this moment, where she’s been betrayed by her best friend? Well, Penelope doesn’t feel like a friend at all. She feels like someone who got close to her only to exploit her so she could write a scandal sheet and make money off of her misery: 

Eloise: This was personal. 

Penelope: Eloise, I’m so sorry. I was only trying to protect you. 

Eloise: Is that what you were doing? By writing about me in your latest sheet? By telling the entire world about things I trusted you with? [...] The only person you were interested in saving was yourself. All so you could keep making money at the cost to everyone else. At a cost to Miss Thompson. To my brother. To my entire family. To your entire family. [...] All because of your self serving manipulations. 

Which brings us to Eloise’s reaction to the closeness between Colin and Penelope and the announcement of their engagement. 

To Eloise’s credit, since their fight, she’s tried her hardest to be an adult and not punish Penelope more than she needs to. She’s very hurt by what her friend did and she can’t trust her but she also doesn’t want to hurt Pen.

She’s kept the Lady Whistledown secret and refuses to tell Colin why their friendship fell apart because she doesn’t want Penelope to lose the one friend she still has. 

She also misses Penelope which is why she ends up telling Cressida about Colin helping her find a husband. She’s trying to figure out what’s going on with her friend and the only way Eloise knows how to figure stuff out is by talking … and talking … and talking … in full earshot of everyone at the ball. 

But despite all of this, as far as she knows, Penelope is still the girl that divulged her secrets, ruined Marina Thompson’s reputation and hurt Colin, not only by revealing Marina’s pregnancy but by taking cheap shots at him only weeks before her brother waltzes into the Bridgerton drawing room to announce he’s engaged to Penelope Featherington. 

What kind of sister would Eloise be if she wasn’t angry at Penelope for that? If she didn’t want Colin to find out the truth as soon as possible? 

Personally, I think she’s showing real restraint. She cares so much about Penelope that she’s not dragging her brother into the study the moment she hears the engagement news to tell him that he’s about to marry the dreaded Lady Whistledown. 

Which brings us back to my earlier point: Penelope never trusted Eloise enough to tell her she was in love with Colin. Maybe if Eloise knew that Penelope has had a crush on Colin since she was 10 years old, she might be able to understand this engagement better. 

But from her viewpoint, all she’s likely to see is that Colin is an impulsive romantic who once again has gotten engaged to a girl who is lying to him and using him to avoid social ostracization. 

I know that by the end of the season Eloise and Penelope will have mended their relationship and they will go back to being the besties we know they are.

But what I would love to see in part 2 of the season is Penelope actually being brave and honest with the two people that she loves most in the world. Not just about her being Lady Whistledown but about the reasons why she became Lady Whistledown. It’s only by her decision to be vulnerable and open that she can actually mend her relationship with Eloise. 

Friendships aren’t just about being there for your friend, about listening and giving them what you think they need but also about allowing your friend to be there for you. To allow them to truly know you: your fears, your sadness, your hopes and dreams. That’s the only way for a friendship to thrive.

[ineffable-doll]

Shipping is so much more FUN when you're aspec.

I'm not super fandom savvy, having only ever been active in one of them in any meaningful way, but I am familiar with the online culture surrounding shipping fictional characters together. Something I've personally witnessed is that the thinking around platonic v.s. romantic is extremely binary; a relationship can be one or the other, and a platonic relationship is the failing outcome if you, as an audience member, preferred the latter. This reflects much broader societal thinking, so it makes sense that most people approach shipping this way.

However, when you're aspec (anywhere on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums), this idea doesn't necessarily apply. Suddenly, platonic and romantic are not opposing ideas, they're just two potential options on a very, very wide sliding scale / multi-dimensional graph wherein the significance of a relationship is completely disconnected from its label.

A huge part of shipping culture (again, just from what I've witnessed) is that Explicit Confessions and/or an onscreen mouth kiss are necessary to make a ship canon, and that not happening means Your Ship Isn't Canon And Therefore Isn't Important or Valuable (and gets used as a way of invalidating other people's ships). However, for a lot of aspec folks (and others, of course), romance is not automatically more valuable than friendship, and an end goal for a particular character dynamic becomes a lot less about fulfilling A, B, and C to verify the couple as "real" in the eyes of the mainstream or even the fandom as a whole, and instead is more about wanting to see characters happily in one another's presence. Specifics vary wildly case to case, so I'm gonna leave that fairly broad.

Ultimately, I have found myself shipping characters in the usual way less and less as I've learned more about my own aspec identity and experience. I care less if characters kiss; I care less if characters declare three little words...though I also am very familiar with the history of queer erasure and definitely root for explicitly romantic queer rep. And all this doesn't mean I don't have couples I support - I very much do. But whether their relationship is specifically romantic matters very little to me, with rare exceptions. (In fact, I often find myself "shipping" characters platonically - seeing a couple that would make great best friends being forced along standard, heterosexual romantic beats.) Mostly, I want the characters I ship to be around each other, to support each other, and to love each other in whatever capacity is fulfilling to their arcs and to the narrative.

Or, to put this all in a more digestible meme format:

Allos: If the couple doesn't kiss then the ship isn't canon

Me: but have you considered that the real kiss was the friends we made along the way?

[therawrliveson]

Some 9-1-1 thoughts I need to get down.

I know Buddie shippers are relentlessly positive that their ship will be canon one day and I respect it. But I have been active in fandom since I was 13 (almost late 20s now) and I’ve never seen a fandom be so obnoxious about it?? Every tweet is “when buddie becomes canon” “they’re clearly making buddie canon” “it’s not if it’s when” and it’s so incredibly off putting.

All media is up for interpretation, and they’re choosing to interpret any moments no matter how small as “Buck and Eddie are in love with each other” and I’m not going to ick their yum but… that’s their interpretation. And when you get people saying “actually ive never shipped this and always thought they were just friends and it’s a meaningful story to me still” and buddie shippers (BoBs mostly) scream at them that they’re wrong it’s just… too much. Because clearly this interpretation exists, and telling people they’re wrong is just incorrect.

This isn’t even about bucktommy at this point, it’s just about people wearing buddie goggles and refusing to hear what other people are saying and assuming their word is law because the “majority” of the fandom ships something… online… where they’ve placed themselves surrounded by other people who share the same viewpoint and block or do not engage with anyone who shares an opposing opinion.

Buddie may never become canon, and no one should be watching the show assuming that they do because all they’re doing is disappointing themselves and queerbaiting themselves and accusing the network of ship baiting them when Buck and Eddie are friends and they should be allowed to interact and be shown to interact without the screaming that buddie shippers were tricked into viewing.

And while I’m here I just wanna say the “we have platonic male friendships they aren’t special, making them canon would be way more important” argument I keep seeing is not the right take in my opinion. They aren’t just two dudes being bros. Buck is coparenting eddies literal child. I don’t know about y’all but I’ve never seen that dynamic ever? Platonic male friendships may not be “special” to some people but they’re important to show and this particular friendship goes deeper than nights playing games and drinking beer and chatting about women. They’re two men, who even in romantic relationships, have each others backs. They don’t bail last minute on each other for their partners, and Buck is still a present person in Christopher’s life. It’s just wild that some people think this complex but beautiful and meaningful relationship that currently exists on screen is not enough.

This is incoherent at best because many thoughts and not enough time in the world. Might get someone yelling at me over this but who knows.

[papikyoo]

(Same with the latest anonymous discussion) There's no need to be sorry! My gf and I approached fandom with our personal experiences and then somehow developed a connection to its story TOO MUCH but It's fun this way tho who cares?

100% agree at first, I didn't understand him but my gf, who loved Falin, tried to unpack Kabru's persona for me. And I just 'Oh...' sounds like this mf doesn't has anyone like his truest friend (with Rin is totally diff, he's a guy GUY towards her so much...poor Rin) and now I love this character so much. Mind you, the only thing I can relate to Kabru is the control freak?????? part of him too??????

One last thing before I shut up lol do you have any other fav  duo/trio dynamic in this series which no romantic feeling between them? I thought Falin-Kabru's interaction would be fun. The way they treat people around them very well but also have something they're gatekeeping for themselves with their priority connection or their ideal relationship or Rin-Shuro they'd be embarrassed to see themselves in each other lmaooo

Also, hope everything is going well for you and your gf!

My exact same thoughts lmaooo after I read all his interactions with his own party... I'm like... "damn this guy is so friendless", my gf also said so. yeah, we can say he doesn't have a "true friend".

It's not like he doesn't have a rich social life, he has meaningful relationships with many people. He's just judgemental and distrustful, you can see in his relationship chart.

People always say something about Mithrun's relationship chart, "he only sees his own party members for their practical use." My guy, so is Kabru. His opinions of them are mostly "neutral" as he put them in a stereotype, sorting them into a box based on interactions and impressions. these answers are also kind of distant, like something he'd answer without actually thinking lol (like, Awwww rin :-) , Dia's cute, Holm is a spirit guy, Mickbell is a bitch, well Kuro is... a kobold)

and it's so funny, because yes he cares about them, he just don't think they'd understand him deeply so he put a distance between them, he's already decided how trustworthy these people are. But don't mistake that for him not being genuine, that's who he is when he's having fun, he just have a specific use of different friend circles. The party also knows him well as there's already a joke that they go "this fake ass bitch" every time they see Kabru approach strangers. At the end of the day, Kabru just don't think these people are really for him in a sense that he'd share his inner world to them.

Back to the question, I have a lot of other fav platonic dynamics in this series. So true... Falin-Kabru / Rin-Shuro would be so interesting to see. it's a shame that we don't get to see much about Falin, because yes she also has a rich intimate personality and values that she only keeps them to herself, so I really like her conclusion. I think Falin and Kabru can have a deep understanding talk with each other but they won't keep each other in their close friends list lol... Like, having that one talk and go back to your friend circles which don't overlap, that's beautiful...

one of my favorite platonic dynamics are Pattadol and Mithrun... and my gf once said that Mithrun has more friends than Kabru and that's so true lmao, I like that Pattadol genuinely cares about him that she cries when Mithrun is moving again and he also seems to like spending time with her in the modern AU. I also like Hien and Benichidori's interaction in the extras although it's a shame that we don't see much of Toshiro's party.

I also think Marcille and Kabru would be a great entertaining workplace friendship.

Actually, I think a lot about Kabru-Rin, I really like their relationship... Kabru is protective of her, she's one of the plot points which Kabru takes a duty to ensure safety to people he cares, it was assigned to him since he's a kid that he must comfort her. she is his first girl friend, so yeah I think he doesn't know better and he's immature towards her lol. imo Rin affected who Kabru is as a person, it's a meaningful relationship to him. but then I don't want to overestimate their romantic feeling because it's like... something that's already established to both of them that this is how it is and Rin knows it. She's also protective, she's very worried about him, the nagging comes from her own self preservation. and with someone like Kabru, that can make him feel trapped. He's stubborn in his own way and only listens when there is a reasoning presented to him. (like how Mithrun reflects to him that telling his story to Laios wouldn't work.) So like, yeah I think if they mature enough in the future, they can be a family to each other or drift apart to have their own life...

I'm yapping so muchh lol, thank you for the ask, I hope things are good to both you and your gf too! :D have a nice day

[karasbroken]

Okay, this week's moment might be controversial. But hear me out...

Doesn't that look like the smile of women who know each other a little more intimately than platonic friends?

Henta is presented as someone Aeryn was close to, a best friend even, at least in the period prior to her exile on Moya. And I'm not arguing that the script, producers, or actors intended to give fem/slash vibes. But they are not NOT giving frellmates either.

Farscape was progressive-ish for its time in the handling of queerness, but it wasn't progressive enough to make its female lead openly bisexual. However there are a couple hints that Aeryn isn't opposed to recreating with women, even if it isn't her usual preference. And this moment is one of them.

Of course people/characters can just be friends, and I'm not particularly into slash just for the heck of it. (Folks who queer everything, I love that for you!).

But I like bisexuality for Aeryn because I think it makes a lot of sense with what little we know about Peacekeeper culture. Sex isn't primarily for reproduction, it's for stress relief, to reduce sexual tension, and to promote unit bonding. People are expected to have sex often, but not regularly with the same person, to avoid jealousy, attachments, and especially relationships forming. Loyalty and sacrifice are highly valued. But lots of sex is one of those things that keeps PKs compliant during what is either a short and stressful or long and boring life.

In other aspects of Peacekeeper life, egalitarianism sort of seems to exist, though maybe in a "peacekeeper is your gender/sexual identity" sort of way rather than "men and women are equal" way because almost everyone is sort of masc-coded. PKs are required to have sex as assigned, for procreation and probably sometimes for recreation, so it wouldn't be that weird for people to be situationally bisexual even if it's not their innate inclination. (This isn't all just my speculation -- for example, Claudia Black had the understanding that Aeryn and Velorek started as an assigned pairing of some kind.) Some PK units are just five person crews, and as we've seen, they're mixed gender. In order to not pair off, people would need to sleep with all of their teammates at least occasionally (and I suppose take care of themselves too).

I particularly like the idea of Aeryn having had sex with Henta because it emphasizes that alien nature of Peacekeeper friendship. I can more easily believe that the warmth between Aeryn and Henta was caused by them having frelled on occasion (and fought together too, though Henta couldn't have been in her last unit because they were all demoted) than that they're close because Aeryn shared anything of her inner self, her emotional and rebellious nature, and created intimacy that way. Sex is the closest to emotion that they're really allowed, and even then they're not supposed to get attached. When Henta dies in front of her, Aeryn is affected but not devastated because there was a limit to how much and how deeply she allowed herself to care.

I see PK friendship as more "bros who grew up together" than "bosom friends". Frelling your shipmates makes it "no homo" where the forbidden dynamic isn't homosexual behavior but emotional involvement: Nah, we're just friends that frell sometimes like anyone else, no biggie. They're not important or meaningful to me. If we make long intimate eye contact it's because the sex was good and we had good times and were good comrades who were solid in a crisis, not because I care profoundly about them as a person...

Or I don't know. Maybe I just like to make everyone bisexual.

[lusthurts]

sebastian and blaine for the character asks <3

ahhh hi bestie im so excited to yap about these two <333

sebastian smythe

how I feel about this character

Sebastian is the love of my life <3 I'm obsessed with writing this character and reading this character and consuming any and all content related to this character.

I have sooooo many head canons about him, and the way I feel about him/his backstory/his personality has evolved a ton over the years, even since I've been writing about him. He has that snark and edge that I love to a character with a clearly very interesting past that we have complete creative liberties to explore. it's so fun and I love him !

all the people I ship romantically with this character

BLAINE! seblaine is of course my otp, and no ship will ever come close to them for me in terms of the extreme brain rot obsession I have because of them - I love that they sort of balance each other out and have this undeniable chemistry that's pretty monumental for both of them and leaves a lot of room for us to explore

I don't think anything will ever come close to them for me, and I fully cannot bring myself to get behind kurtbastian no matter how much I love enemies to lovers as a trope (though when my mutuals write kurtbastian I still try to read it lol)

I did enjoy writing jeff x sebastian in how bright we burn (totally snuck up on me on accident - he needed to be with one of the other warblers for plot reasons and I picked Jeff because they're always in shots together in canon) but that's not something I think I'd ever be super into on like,, a bigger scale - I love it as a platonic ship though

my non-romantic otp for this character

honestly, the warblers as a whole - I really like the idea of Sebastian not really fitting in anywhere/never feeling at home anywhere before dalton and being very reluctant to get close with them at first which resulted in him coming on a little strong/trying to take control rather than trying to develop meaningful friendships, but then by the end he's found he really cares about them and wants them to succeed and finally feels like he's found a home and core group of friends

OH and i ADORE his friendship with cooper in the I'll be there for you series - their dynamic together is fantastic and I think probably the best written friendship for Sebastian that I've ever read

my unpopular opinion about this character

I'm not sure if this is unpopular or not, but I do really like that he's an imperfect person who clearly has a lot of growing up to do. He acts like an asshole and he is one kind of a lot of the time, but even the things he does maliciously aren't meant to be that harmful, and there's clearly a complicated person beneath the surface. I love slutty Sebastian and snarky Sebastian and bullying/blackmail/assault Sebastian so so much

I also don't like the idea of him being "soft" or immediately comfortable in a relationship with blaine just because he's the person he's meant to be with - a lot of my head canons about him revolve around him having a kind of unhealthy relationship with love/relationships, and I don't think it's realistic that they'd just immediately be in a happy relationship. I love fluff as much as the next person, but I definitely don't think their problems end when they get together.

one thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon

obviously seblaine - even if they'd just given us a little bit behind the scenes (what were those phone calls and texts??? they were clearly good friends!!)

I wish he'd been around more after season 3 - I realize because of real life reasons this was impossible, and he probably would've been back quite a bit if it wasn't for the flash, but I would've loved to see him develop friendships and plots and sing more songs and maybe have a relationship or two

blaine anderson

how I feel about this character

he's one of my first favorite glee characters and one of the main reasons I still love this show

I think I relate to him more than I relate to any of the other characters in the show - he has that passionate, overachiever, ruthless drive for success thing that Rachel has but he's also clearly very anxious about things and experiences depression and has some attachment issues, and I think all that makes him a much more complicated character than he's given credit for

all the people I ship romantically with this character

Sebastian ofc - see above lol

I used to be a huge blam fan - I haven't read or written them in a long time but I still think this is probably my second favorite blaine ship - they have a lot of chemistry together with a lot of fantastic scenes and development in season 4 specifically, and I think this would've been a cool path to go down during their senior year in the post-kurt/mercedes era

I also used to love klaine (prior to realizing how toxic that relationship was lol) - they were def cute in season 2, and they were probably one of the first queer ships I saw on tv that I felt that attached too. I think if handled better in the later seasons they could've been great, and I think if they're written well they can be a lovely ship - I played blaine in a glee rpg during covid (dark times lmao) and I found writing klaine with a person who really cared for writing Kurt's character well to be super fun

my non-romantic otp for this character

definitely sam & tina! blamtina is my favorite trio in the show, and I think their friendship felt very realistic and well-developed, especially for something that really only existed to that extent for one season

a close second would be rachel - I think blaine and rachel definitely get each other in a way the other new directions don't really, and I enjoy their dynamic a lot, especially in the beginning of season 6

oh and the warblers. he referred to that group as a brotherhood and then just,, left ? makes it hard to believe they were as close as he said, but I also will die on the hill that he must've had strong relationships with those guys if they got him from how he must've felt post Sadie Hawkins to the guy that was confidently singing the lead at every performance

my unpopular opinion about this character

while I do think he was occasionally too whiny and treated as a caricature in the later seasons, I also think a lot of that was the natural progression of his character given the circumstances he was dealing with. I think it's very natural for insecurities to come up when you go from where he was at in season 2 (star/lead vocalist of the warblers, admired and beloved by his peers, confidently helping Kurt through the bullying and trauma of McKinley) to season 3 (ignored/disregarded by ND's leaders like finn, only getting the occasional line or two in performances, treated almost exclusively as Kurt's boyfriend)

he was more interesting in seasons 2 & 4 when he was single than he was at any point during his relationship with kurt

one thing I wish had happened with this character in canon

seblaine !

or honestly getting to see him in any romantic relationship with someone other than Kurt (karofsky doesn't count lol we all collectively pretend that didn't happen)

why do we know like nothing about his life !! he's one of the major characters in the show (second in solos only to Rachel I think?) and yet all we get are a few one off and very concerning lines about his dad??? then his mom randomly shows up at the wedding??? and cooper's there but only for an episode and then never brought up again??? girl what I need to know his lore

[k-tarotz]

Boynextdoor dynamic, please?

idk if you mean group or member x member so imma just do both

7ofS, Ace of Swords, Strength

group dynamic: alright so, some members are definitely closer than some others but they seem to be in the beginning stages of being friends? as in, getting to know and accept each other more. i don’t get any bad vibes but rather that before debut they could have had a few arguments and tense situations due to the stress & pressure that came with debuting. which is normal of course, some members personalities could have crushed here and there. though right now they all seem very accepting and chill. they are definitely just trying to fit in and have a fun time, the energies turned a whole 180 after the stress from needing to debut wore off. their friendship will pretty much grow stronger as time goes on, it seems like a meaningful bond.

sungho & jaehyun: two friends who don’t need to know a lot about each other in order to be close, they can emotionally rely on each other and have a deep rooted respect for one another. reminds me of two cats. they also seem to have a lot of trust in each other.

sungho & riwoo: they seem to be almost polar opposites, enough to have a few none serious arguments here and there. their personalities and at some places their values as well seem to differ quite a lot from one another. i don’t see much negativity aside from tension, they seem to agree to disagree more often than not. but for now, they could get along better but neither has the desire to try.

sungho & taesan: they seem to both be really hardworking people who get caught up in the things they are doing, focusing on doing well, appearing as perfect as they possibly can be so on camera they might not seem as close as they actually are in real life? i think off cam, in their personal lives where they have time for themselves and to rest they enjoy spending it with one another and spending it as they wish. talking, playing video games perhaps, going outside together and just doing whatever. they seem to have a really good bond.

sungho & leehan: the first thing that comes to mind is ‘give and take’. they might get along very well with each other because they do what the other doesn’t want to and know they will get the same in return. so their views and attitudes in certain aspects seem very much similar which gets them to get along really well. though, they could still bicker a lot sometimes, over small things.

sungho & woonhak: they seem to have a very much brother like relationship. i don’t think they hate or dislike each other but they might have a lot of arguments or bicker a lot because their personalities crush. sungho seems to be a person that is more mature and might unknowingly nag others out of good intentions, which woonhak could know but regardless still feel annoyed because he feels bossed around or perhaps even rushed to do small tasks when he would rather rest. although if the other is in an argument or being unjustly accused of something they will take each others side. ‘hey, only i can be mean to them’ kind of feel.

jaehyun & riwoo: for now they don’t seem to be super close but still seem to admire each other from a distance. not literally of course, there just seems to be a fear of opening up to one another. for riwoo it just seems to be the fact that he has a hard time to talk about his feelings and thoughts unless the setting is right and as for jaehyun he seems to think riwoo is really cool so naturally he wants to riwoo to think the same way of him. though, not that he would admit that. they will have a pretty special bond along the line, they will grow very close to one another.

jaehyun & taesan: they seem to be pretty close, and get along quite well. however it seems like in one of their eyes they are too close, although I am not sure which one of them thinks so. one of them seems to be clingy and very fond of affection while the other isn’t used to this at all. they might have grown up in an environment where they haven’t got much affection or just have a rough childhood, possibly surrounded by conservative adults. so this is a relationship that needs a lot of patience even if there’s love.

jaehyun & leehan: this seems like a ‘bros for life’ kinda thing. have you ever seen ‘our roaring 20s’? it reminds me of that. they seem to argue at times, both have strong personalities and might even be stubborn but at the end of the day they aren’t mad at each other for any longer than a few hours. they always have each others backs too, no matter what might happen between them and they seem to have a deep sense of care for one another. supportive and accepting and exactly because of that they don’t really hide any parts of their personality from one another.

jaehyun & woonhak: honestly there is not much to say here aside from them getting along well. woonhak might really look up to jaehyun a lot and see him in this really optimistic light. someone who knows what they are doing and is in control yet still isn’t distant, someone he has a very easy time connecting to. so like a safe place? a person he can be comfortable with, and jaehyun possibly views him the same way. they seem to look at each other as brothers for now.

riwoo & taesan: they seem to be really close with one another which is either because their love languages are very similar or fitting with each other. I do think personally they have a lot of fun with each other but when it comes to work there could be some jealousy. not over any minor things but things such as x wanting a line but y gets it. so work wise they have less chemistry, but their personalities don’t clash too much. it could get a bit awkward when they are alone though since neither of them know how to take the lead or one might be more independent and comfortable in specific environments than the other.

riwoo & leehan: these are the two that might not get along that well just yet. riwoo seems to have a very straightforward, direct and strong personality and way of communication while leehan seems to have a soft and gentle heart even if it might not seem like it at times. i do think that riwoo could often upset leehan without intending to because they have very different views on life and how words can effect people even. it’s something they need to work on. although as they grow and mature their relationship will pretty much improve.

riwoo & woonhak: this seems to be a really sweet and caring connection. woonhak might look at riwoo as someone that is really cool and knows what they want in life. ‘a cool hyung’. he might also look at him as lonely due to being misunderstood so much, so he could feel sorry for him at times. they seem to he distant emotionally however riwoo seems to be at peace and calm whenever he is around woonhak. he might feel like pressure of everyday life is off his shoulders and he can just be himself.

taesan & leehan: alright for now they don’t seem to be that close to each other but that just because they are both introverted and nervous to be the first one to open up. i do think after they stop being shy around each other they will have a really strong, healthy and happy friendship. no negative vibes, they just seem shy.

taesan & woonhak: they seem to get along really well and have a bunch of shared interests, maybe even hobbies. for now they are working on becoming closer to one another because they both wish to do so. so maybe these days they spend a lot of time together, or starting to!

aaaand that’s all.

disc.; this post took quite a while so if there is any mistakes I apologise.

– Candy

[whinlatter]

sorry i’m the anon from the other day who came to gush all over beasts and i’m back to do more bc i forgot to gush all over the way you write women and about their friendships!!! especially from a series that is narrated by a boy and also just generally dismisses girls as giggly and frivolous far too often, the way you have redefined not only their internal strength but the strength of female friendship! hermione and ginny, the unit they have going on w hannah and luna (the spice girls!!!), the inclusion of hannah abbott who shines for me in your series, pavarti’s speech for lavender at the greyback trial, probs so much more i can’t even think of right now. sorry i know i’m rambling so bad but it’s so flawlessly executed in beasts sometimes it makes me want to cry and i thought you should know!

mate thank you for this fr, that means the world. i am not the first person to point out that female characters, and particularly female friendships, are criminally undeserved in canon, nor the first to try and correct some of that in a fic, but it’s an honour to contribute to the cause and something i care about trying to get right. in chapters 10 and 11 one of the very dumb reasons i wanted scenes with girls getting changed (so the girls before the party, and ginny and cho before their surprise heart for heart) was because i wanted moments of intimacy and vulnerability between female characters, but also because i wanted the reader at this point in the fic to see that the girls are literally changing, trying on new versions of themselves, figuring out who they’re going to be in the next years of their life.

on the female friendships thing — it’s funny because i have found writing beasts that the moments between the girls have been the scenes that have basically written themselves or that have sprung up really organically and easier than when writing other dynamics. because it’s like, oh yeah girls hanging out and having a laugh! and looking after each other! and also bickering and properly arguing and growing up together! i benefit from that every day of my life and have done as long as i can remember and cannot imagine having grown up without it. and i really can’t imagine how i would even begin write a story about young woman coming of age without that being a part of her life (and if you were to write a story about a young woman whose life lacked it, surely the absence of it or the search for it would have to be a plot point). you’re completely right that ofc the series is narrated by a teenage boy, but it seems mad to me for a series that has such a large ensemble cast with meaningful arcs that there are no female friendships meaningfully and substantially depicted on the page (including ones dealing with conflict, or falling apart - it doesn’t always need to be positive, just an arc). jkr’s feminism, which is as bizarre as it is hateful, is so enraging for this (and many other) reasons: she pats herself on the back for her view that women (and exclusively cis women) are better than men, so they don’t need to grow, and for some reason don’t need arcs beyond their relationships to men (ginny changing over her adolescence is a literal major plot necessity and yet entire thing happens off stage?)

got the soapbox out SORRY but basically thank you forever i really REALLY appreciate this. thank god hannah abbott is enough of a blank slate to throw in a 10/10 cutie into scenes to make everyone be a bit nicer to each other!

[ammoniteflesh]

That last reblog is making me think once more about how genius the friendship/rivalry system is. And how frustrating it is that they don't seem to be carrying that over.

Outside of a thematic standpoint, it's just SO GOOD mechanically. Pretty much every other DA game operates on a schema where if your companions don't like you enough, you don't get access to their personal quests, and you don't learn more about them. Which is not great because if you're someone who's invested in the world, your best option is to make friends with everyone - which is a valid rp experience but not one that everybody is after! And it can end up encouraging you to think about what the person you're talking to will like most rather than how your PC would genuinely react.

DA2 instead rewards you for consistency* - thus encouraging you to lean into your character's pre-established views! You get to have close and meaningful dynamics even with people Hawke doesn't get on with! It's genius!

*I do think the one pitfall here - that no Dragon Age game has really solved yet - is that there's not much space to play with inconsistency or having your PC's views change over time (and have that impact their relationships in a way that feels realistic).

(I feel like a fun way to play with that could be to separate approval into two distinct stats - one for 'how much do they like my decisions' and one for 'how familiar are we'. Food for thought!)

[pikahlua]

I have a question

But I really want to ask just from a writing standpoint, no ships or anything

Do you like Izuku and Ochaco's development as possible (or probable? idk where Hori wanna go with that) romance?

Cause I appreciated it (even tho it felt like the usual shonen romance) till the return of Izuku to UA, which made me see them more as platonic (and made me appreciate their bond way more tbh)

So from a writing standpoint, I'm not exactly a romance aficionado. It can really only come down to my preferences in what I like in a romance, but there are just some cheesy romance tropes I'm not into. I do think it's perfectly viable to analyze any relationship in any property, MHA included, for whatever dynamic you want. If you ask me to take a look at the potential romance in Izuku and Ochako's relationship, I can do that.

That said, this is a warning to hard-line IzuOcha shippers: I can't guarantee you'll enjoy everything I write about in this post.

To me, there are five major "sagas" in their relationship. Some of these I like, some of these I don't.

Saga 1: Beginning through the Internships Saga 2: Final Exams through Kamino Saga 3: Provisional License Exam through School Cultural Festival Saga 4: Joint Training Arc through Paranormal Liberation War Saga 5: Deku Retrieval Arc through to the present

Saga 1 was my favorite. This was when they were still getting to know each other and becoming friends. I like this part best because Ochako has the most characterization in the show. Her personality shines through and she's very entertaining. I also thought the stuff that happened between them in the Sports Festival was some of the most refreshing writing of opposite-sex characters I've seen in a while, platonic or romantic. Ochako has personal motivations that can be in conflict or in harmony with her relationship with Izuku, and the manner in which they interacted showed a special type of relationship for Izuku that he didn't have with any other character. It was nice variety in the context of everything else the show was giving us at the time. I wasn't necessarily dying for romance, because I do love a good platonic opposite-sex friendship too. But if it did take a romantic direction, I was excited to see how it went at the time.

Saga 2 just felt like it shoehorned the crush thing in there. It didn't really come from anything that came before it. I thought it was gonna be a good opportunity for some romantic humor, but it just turned out to be a bunch of embarrassed blushing and not much else. Wasn't really my thing.

Saga 3 tried to add something interesting to the mix with Ochako's jealousy which she tries to deny and squash, but...it doesn't come across as particularly deep or well-developed. Horikoshi kinda just throws it out there and then immediately ditches it. I wouldn't have been so annoyed if it didn't encompass all of Ochako's character for this saga. She didn't really do much of anything else at all. Even in the Overhaul arc, she didn't get any meaningful spotlight, and I mean this from an action perspective. After the awesome action she got in the Sports Festival, Horikoshi really pulled back on her and it felt like he was too afraid to make her get dirty and fight again, save for a brief moment when she pinned Toga in the woods at summer camp. I liked it better when Izuku was pining a bit after Ochako than the other way around.

Saga 4 was a bit better. There was finally some meaningful development between them with Ochako getting inspired to update her costume, saving Izuku as a development of her new character question of "who saves the heroes?", and--my favorite part--when she decides to trust Izuku when he says he can take Shinso on alone and she goes to take care of business elsewhere. But I notice these developments I like also happen to have non-romantic elements to them. It's really just when things are one-dimensionally romantic that I'm super disinterested. I like the complexity of other feelings even in their easy friendship. Platonic friendship that leads into budding romance brings at least a bit more flavor in the writing. That said, it's not a whole ton of flavor. I can see why other people would like it, but it's not the MOST exciting for me personally.

Saga 5 is again more exciting to me because of the non-romantic elements, kind of like you say. It's not that it's necessarily platonic, but it's just more interesting that Ochako's feelings seem more complicated now, and Toga has been added to the mix too. What we get in this saga especially puts me in a weird position where I'm rooting for Izuku and Ochako NOT to get together in the end, not because I don't like them or have a problem with the ship, but because it makes the overall story about their relationship since the beginning..."make sense" isn't the right phrase. It's just an interesting take on the trope in this genre. I really like the message it could potentially deliver on. I'm just not a big romance person in the first place, so the whole "there are even deeper things happening between people than just high school crushes" angle that doesn't necessarily mean romance speaks more to me. I don't really know what we get out of them getting together if that happens. But, as I said, I'm not big on romance to begin with, so I'm not the best judge of this. It could be we get a great message out of it and I'm just really bad at being able to see that at this stage. I will still be forced to lament what was lost in that case, though--because we would lose the far more interesting take on the trope if they were not to get together.

And that's why I say I'm not anti-IzuOcha, just anti-IzuOcha in canon. I think they're cute together and I really love their earlier dynamic. I think the fanart of them is cute. I love when they get along doing things. I love when people create excellent fan content for their favorite pairings. I just most like the idea of an ending where they don't end up together for the purposes of my own intrigue.

[bopp4kvn]

PLATONIC LOVE

My Journal – Week One

Greetings! It was surprising to realize that my platonic love turned out to be none other than one of my own classmates. At first, she didn’t even remember my name. It didn’t bother me much because I didn’t think we would end up talking beyond the usual class discussions. However, fate had other plans. Our lecturer paired us together for a group project, and that’s when everything changed. Working on the assignment has only brought us closer. After countless hours of talking about our group project, we eventually talk more than just the project. Even when the group work was completed, we kept chatting, slowly become strangers to friends.

My Journal – Week Two

Greetings! The more time we spent together, the more that we realized how much we enjoyed each other’s conversation. We start having normal conversations and after that we start to hangout a lot after that. We quickly become close friend because we have the same taste in music, food and hobbies. Our hobbies include watching anime, k-drama, listen to music and collect toys. Our classmates started calling us the “dynamic duo” because we were always seen together, laughing and sharing inside jokes. I found myself looking forward to seeing her every day, craving the comfort of her presence. But amidst all the laughter and shared moments, I noticed something unexpected stirring within me—a feeling that wasn’t entirely platonic. I started developing romantic feelings for her, which both excited and scared me.

My Journal- Week Three

But then something unexpected happened. She started to treat me differently, moving away from her warmth and toward avoidance. I decided to ask some of her friends if they knew what was going on because I was confused and scared. It was then that I realized the reality. It transpired that she had been smitten with me from the beginning of the group project, ever since our initial pairing. She mistook my feelings for something else, which made her withdraw out of fear of being harmed. Her acquaintances disclosed that she thought highly of me since I was a helpful, kind person who always had others' best interests in mind. They told me she felt I was cute and that my talkative and amorous temperament was charming. Having heard all of this made my heart race.

I eventually spotted her sitting by herself in the library after expending nearly all of my energy trying to locate her. I worked up the nerve to approach her, but she initially ignored me. "Maybe she's not the one for me," I thought to myself. But I didn't give up. I gently persisted, told her how I felt, and explained that I liked her for the reason that, despite her occasional outbursts, she was such a sweet person. I admitted that I was drawn to her because I admired how unabashedly authentic she was. Her cheeks flushed crimson red, and suddenly, in an instant that seemed to come out of a dream, she reached for my hand. The library, filled with no sounds only silence, all the books in the library, bore witness to the transformation of our relationship. From that day on, we were no longer just the dynamic duo. We became something more like our own version of Romeo and Juliet, bound by a connection that started with friendship but turned into something far deeper and more meaningful.

[rimofwell]

I’ve experienced this myself and have observed it in friends too (though obviously I can’t know for sure). And it makes me want to SCREAM < why do you say that? Can you elaborate?

I could honestly say so much about this because I’ve experienced these situations myself and seen hints of similar dynamics between friends and their therapists. I’ll try to speak to my own experience though because obviously I can’t say with certainty what’s going on for someone else.  

But basically, just everything that was said in the post. The person I quoted is a really renowned psychologist and psychoanalyst and the way he talks about therapy and its purpose has been so clarifying and helpful to me. I’ve had many therapeutic relationships in the past go very wrong and because of that, it’s become a huge interest of mine just like… understanding the countertransference/transference dynamics that get played out in the therapeutic relationship as a result of the patient’s and therapist’s own schemas/orientations/pathologies. 

I think it’s tricky because there’s so much nuance and it’s hard to speak about things without overgeneralizing, but basically the therapy relationship, while concrete in some respects, is also symbolic. I don’t know how to say this in quite the right way, but a therapeutic relationship is obviously “real” in that it’s between two humans who care about each other and the compassion is real and all of that. But at the same time, it’s largely symbolic, in that the patient projects onto the therapist their own relational schemas and past trauma and difficulties (transference), and then this transference is actually a vehicle for psychotherapy to occur. So it’s not the same as a friendship or a romantic partnership or a mentorship, because the transference is actually the point – like it’s not a bad thing, it’s actually what allows therapy to happen because it tells the therapist about patterns in the patient’s life and the job of the therapist is to analyze that transference, observe their own countertransference reaction (how they respond as a result of what the patient has ‘projected’ onto them), and then use that entire thing as a vehicle for the patient to understand themselves more clearly and the dynamics they recreate in the world.

I think so often clients/patients start to treat the relationship like it’s purely concrete and get really stuck in the relationship itself rather than bringing these themes into their actual life and their real mutual relationships. And I can say this from experience because I’ve had therapeutic relationships where there was so much care and support and empathy, and I felt soooo connected to the provider and really loved the therapist and knew she loved me, and blah blah. And it was all very real, but at the end of the day her love wasn’t curative… it was never going to be because the role of a therapist is not just that. There were so many points when I was like, “Oh I feel so connected to this therapist and she cares so much” but I was still doing really really poorly. So something about the dynamic wasn’t working. Because while our relationship itself was rich and meaningful, nothing in my LIFE was changing. (So basically the therapist and I got stuck in the concreteness of the relationship, rather than expanding and zooming out and interfacing with the symbolism and what was getting recreated and then using that to transform my life and change the way I interacted in the world.)

Basically what I’m saying is all that love and care and empathy wasn’t enough. Like… that alone is not therapy. You can get love and care and empathy from so many people. And I myself have (unconsciously) used therapy almost as a substitute for getting that love/care elsewhere, and I know others do the same. It’s kind of inevitable because on the surface, you have what seems to be this perfect one-sided relationship since the focus is supposed to be on the patient, and giving the patient the care that they need (I mean care as in treatment). And that’s how it should be, because the therapist shouldn’t be using the patient to gratify their own desires, obviously (even though some do without realizing it). Anyway, that is the point and that in and of itself (the one-sidedness) IS the therapeutic relationship and is exactly why it is symbolic and not concrete because the goal of psychotherapy isn’t mutuality. And of course the therapist has feelings because they are a person, so those get explored but only to the extent that they impact the patient’s care and ONLY if it’s beneficial to that care. And everything else, is what the therapist explores in their own therapy (hopefully). 

And it’s tough to be stuck in this trap of having murky boundaries and the relationship going from purely concrete to symbolic… then to both etc. It’s also difficult to discuss without making it sound like you’re minimizing the care present (because it is real for both parties!!) 

And it’s just tough to see people who have been in therapy for fucking ever with a therapist they love so much and who loves them and blah blah but I’m like wait….. You’re literally still doing so badly, so it’s probably time to evaluate what is going on….. Like therapy is not supposed to last FOREVER. And if you’ve seen the same therapist for SO long and made really minimal progress something does need to be looked at.

It’s also tricky because trauma is hard and some conditions take a long time to treat and progress is definitely slow and difficult and you need to build trust etc., so of course it won’t be quick. Like all of that is absolutely true, BUT at some point, I do think you need to take a look at the relationship and be like, “Okay what is the PURPOSE of our work together.”

I think it’s really easy for attachment to happen on both ends (which isn’t bad, obviously it’s important and normal and human and good for the therapy!). But I think the client AND the therapist can get into these patterns where they forget that… there is a purpose to the work… like a goal they are both orienting toward that isn’t just… to make someone feel loved and good. Like it truly is for change to happen.

I think it’s hard when you get comfortable with someone to have that relationship become like a default in your mind. Like the idea of staying with the same therapist for a super long time and they see you grow up and all of that is appealing and safe. And I’m not judging that, like people can do whatever they want. And maybe that can work for some people, but if I’m being entirely honest, I’ve never seen it work. When the therapeutic relationship becomes this drawn out extended thing where for years and years the therapist stays the patient’s only source of support and there are no shifts toward someone in the patient’s real life taking that place, progress is limited. I mean like… of course it is because healthy relationships are fulfilling on both ends — to give and receive love and support, the mutuality of it is what makes it fulfilling and by definition you can’t have that to the fullest extent within the boundaries of a therapy relationship (because of the fact that it’s supposed to be one sided, focused on enhancing the wellbeing of one party). And if it starts to shift to that (become a truly mutual thing) then it is again, by definition, no longer therapy.

And I absolutely don’t ~blame~ the client/patient, because at the end of the day it’s 100% the therapist’s responsibility to maintain the frame of the treatment and keep both parties on track and manage their own countertransference reactions as well. And I’m also not necessarily ~blaming~ the therapist. Like it’s natural to love your patients (I honestly still don’t like when therapists use that word and after having therapists cross boundaries with me, if my current one was like, “I love you” I’d be super disturbed)… but anyway, natural to really care about your patients and nothing wrong with that, but you have to also ask yourself whether you’re really serving your client. And if they’re still so stuck even if you love them… you do have to ask what’s in the best interest of the client

And I think a lot of times therapists don’t want to admit that it obviously feels good to be admired and loved by your patient. And I think they can get comfortable in that role (kind of like the ~shadow~ part of why people get into this work) and if you’re not keeping it in check, I think things really go south. 

Anyway, I could talk forever about this because I’ve read literally so many books on this topic and also had so much personal experience with it. But I guess I’ll end with the fact that with any other medical professional, if you were not getting better, you would find another provider. You wouldn’t stay with the same provider if after years you were not seeing improvement. And again, I absolutely understand that trauma is tough to deal with and that building trust takes time, and it’s obviously slower than going and getting a quick surgery, but even with all of that, there should be movement and if there’s not, then something should change. 

And therapy is unique because you have both people’s psychologies intertwining in this little dance and what is symbolic becomes super concrete and then neither party wants to leave or admit that it’s not serving its purpose and that although they feel good and nice and connected that is at the core not what therapy is for (at least it can’t *only* be that)

I edited this because it was wordy and confusing and had a lot of typos, so if you had to struggle through the first iteration, I apologize lol

[mqttelektra]

i really need to be writing an essay so naturally i'm going to talk about gwaine and how if the writers had kept his season 3 trajectory we would have world peace.

it's actually that serious like he was set up to be a real member of the main cast like moreso than just being a knight there's a universe in which he replaces morgana in the big 4 and i'm very unhappy that we don't live in that world.

he has the perfect dynamics with every other major cast member (merlin arthur gwen) like it would've worked SO WELL if he became merlin's magic confidant after lancelot's death because he would be such a good friend about it and provide backup like he did in the secret sharer all the time and i think after lancelot died merlin became really untethered from everything except his destiny and gwaine would be able to help him remember that other things are important!

i've already discussed the arthurgwaine dynamic but i have more to say so we're going again! gwaine is a character that says what he believes and says fuck the consequences and if we got to see him in a meaningful and trusted position in season 4 i genuinely think agravaine wouldn't have been able to fuck shit up as much as he did because gwaine was the perfect counter to all of agravaine's manipulations ESPECIALLY if he decided to trust arthur with his noble heritage. a lot of the reasons why he was able to brush off merlin and gwen so easily was because "they couldn't understand" but guess what now you have a guy who does understand and still thinks the shit agravaine proposes is wild!

and then gwen... gwen and gwaine's friendship in the gwaine episode was so important to me and it's kinda awful that we didn't see more of it! like we got a hug in the coming of arthur part 1 and the occasional banter but we didn't get to see MEANINGFUL INTERACTIONS like we deserved to. merlin and gwen's friendship is beautiful but for the most part arthur is always merlin's central figure so gwen having someone that's not like that would have been excellent. (i do believe that merlin is gwaine's arthur but that wouldn't have been a problem for gwaine's relationship w gwen as much as it is gwen's relationship w merlin)

anyway i <3 the idea that we could've had courage strength magic (and love) slash soldier poet king (and queen). who is soldier who is poet? that's up for debate. i personally lean towards merlin soldier gwaine poet.

[irlwakko]

RAUUGGHHH!!!! SOCIETY IF GEN 2 HAD MORE SCREENTIME AND MIKES HEADMATES HAD MEANINGFUL DYNAMICS WITH OTHERS INSTEAD OF LIKE DOING A THING AND FUCKING OFF. yeah sure we had vito and anne maria but its not enough plus the purpose of their dynamic was clearly to stir perceived-love-triangle-that-is-just-two-parallel-lines-but-mike-refuses-to-say-a-thing-about-his-did

the system makes me physically ill because they couldve been so much more :(

~ 🌙

THEY COULD HAVE!!!!! THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE!!!!! The “they just did a thing and fucked off” thing makes me mad and i was actually JUST thinking about it today because I was like. literally none of them even really Attempted to talk to anyone else or form friendships or relationships which is wild. and also wasted potential

like for One example we know Jo respects Svetlana for her agility and strength and always names and genders her correctly but then that goes nowhere. like they never interact more than once I’m pretty sure

also while we’re here there’s one more secret i feel i have to share with you. i did not care for vitomaria.

i obviously totally understand that there is no “love triangle” and that’s not my problem with it, my problems are that 1. it is nothing. it is so nothing. there’s nothing between them. it is Nothing to me and 2. it’s just. So uncomfortable to watch. not just on the gratuitous makeout end but also like. okay I KNOW. I know. that the way Anne Maria treated MIKE was all a part of this big (stupid) misunderstanding plot, but I still don’t like it and it’s so deeply uncomfortable to just. look at. and it’s uncomfortable to see how clearly gross Mike feels for what happened. i think it was supposed to be funny???? like I think the intention was that we were supposed to laugh at the whole thing. and when I don’t think about it too hard i do have a sensible chuckle at “we all know where those lips have been”. but the problem is that i DO think too hard about it. I just. look at Mike in that scene and feel so. icky. because when I watch that scene I feel (personally) like I know the kind of shame he’s feeling

which i know is not strictly Anne Maria’s fault, like I said, I just have. Complicated feelings about her. and I have since i first watched the show as a kid, for the same reasons (i know like 95% of this is the writers’ fault but unfortunately since Anne Maria is the character involved it affects how i see her)

but that’s all REALLY personal and just my opinion specifically, I obviously don’t mind what other people ship (when it comes to contestant/contestant obviously) or the characters other people like, and I don’t want people to take my word as gospel and see this as the only interpretation of the scene that Matters, but once i started that little rant I couldn’t stop unfortunately