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terribles-world · 1 year ago

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The clash: 03

Main protagonist: jk x reader

Genre: slow burn, angst

Warnings: self-harm, usage of drugs, degradation, forceful intercourse.

Summary: Too immersed in the haunting pain of your nightmare, you invited your colleague to accompany you for a night. Will it turn out to be good or just another destruction in your life.

Word count: 2k

an: here is part 3 of 'the clash'. Hope you guys like my blog. I'm sorry for any grammatical errors or if anyone finds it uncomfortable to read. It's just I'm new to this platform and promise to improve myself further. Enjoy!

"Pardon. Do I know you" looking at the person who bumped into you a sec ago. "Of course not but maybe I want to know you more." he smirked saying the words to you. "By the way it's Yeonjun." forwarding his hand for a quick hand shake. "Oh it's ___!" "Up for a drink?" Looking back at the corner you see three girls throwing themselves on Jungkook's body made you think why can't you least enjoy a good drink with your new friend. Friends? Is it the appropriate world to be used.

"You look so innocent lying helplessly in the ground waiting for me to fuck you. Huh? Pretty little slut." As soon as he said those words your blurry eyes tried to find the face of the person. What you see is just a puzzled face, tall figure, broad shoulders. "P--Please let m-me go, I b-beg you." you pleaded clearly not in your right senses maybe the drink you took has much more effect of Hashish than alcohol. "Shh! Calm down lady I'm gonna fuck you fast and rough. Okay! nobody's gonna know. But in case if you are a virgin then umm-uhh" tears started rolling down your eyes. How did you even end up in this situation? "Let's start with your tits first." With that he tore your crop top left you with only bra. "P-please let m-me go. I b-beg you" your throat became dry with all the pleading but he didn't even care to listen to it even for the sake of humanity. Slowly losing your senses you tried not to close your eyes just to remember the moment of you being raped. He slid your jeans below your ankles then on the ground. Again the world throws you in another helpless situation. Dreaming of a man loving you, see the world in two eyes giving your everything to him, making love to him but this moment is nothing but left with a trauma in your life. Hearing the skin slapping sound, your hands tied in a belt above your head, the person thrusting in you mercilessly dropping his head in your bosom. You can't do anything but to cry only to regret what would have happened if you wouldn't have come here. That definitely would have saved you from losing your virginity, your dignity and yourself to some rapist.

Tears slowly flowing from your eyes waking up with a jerk. Same nightmare. Sleep is nowhere to be found. Sitting up you checked the time. It's 2:30 in the night. What you gonna do now. Maybe a quick shower could make you fall asleep. You undress yourself. Feeling pity looking at your thighs and you made it worse by cutting it with a blade few years just to erase the dark memories of that night. In the hope if it could be possible. Burnt marks on your side stomach made you think what an improvident act you did 5 years ago. Hatred comes looking at your own pathetic self which made you vigorously scratching yourself just to remove the imprints of the man who broke you. Coming out of the bathroom, opening your phone for doing a quick check on your Instagram scroll. And wow! Jungkook added a story with Yuna in a romantic date. Another phase of cries entered your system.

Looking at the couples in their seat of the coffee shop made you think the moment when you prayed and Jesus! You just wanted to have a normal life. No hurdles, no pain, just happiness and love. Isn't that everyone in here asks for? Maybe this is too much. Remembering all those moments when you were a teenager who thought your friendship with jungkook will someday be level up and termed as an official relationship. Alas! Shaking your extra dramatic unrealistic parallel thoughts get busy in serving customers.

"You're done?" taehyung asked leaning on the fridge. "Yeah! Not liking my presence?" Not even paying attention to the man who is busy noticing your face. "No just asking if you would like to eat out?" he proposed. Remembering you don't have any staple food for your supper then why not have dinner with a companion. At least you won't have to eat alone. Agreed on his proposal. "Okay! But only If you're paying." you grinned. "It's an honour ___" bowing down like a prince following by a laugh. However it makes you feel content to work here. More like distracting yourself from the terrible destruction that has been done inside your head.

Taking your seat in front of Taehyung, as he offered you to order dinner. Just about to order your sight fell on the couple at the very next counter of yours. Jeon Jungkook and Lee Yuna. The fuck! Can't they go somewhere else. Not wasting any time you decided to ignore them and order your food. The slightest joy you felt having a company has long gone now. The main purpose is only to eat the food as fast as you can and leave before anyone's notice. But guess what. Miss Yuna can't keep her shoes off of you. "___! What a pleasant surprise. What are you doing here?" she asked standing right next to you beside jungkook. Doesn't that punch affect her a bit. "More like eating dinner." you retorted slightly glancing at Yuna. Just then your anger boils when taehyung invited them to join us. Why on Earth does he want them to join you both? "Oh it's okay but only if you insist." Just then she grabbed the seat beside taehyung and your formal best friend sat beside you. You didn't even dare to look at his face. "So tell me you two now are a thing now?" You choked on the water from the words Yuna uttered just now. "No but ___ is a nice girl." tae replied looking at you. "So you are hitting on her in front of us." Yuna asked. "Not it's just we are goo-" you cut him up "he is my boyfriend." "What?" All three of them asked. Quickly grabbing tae's hand you answered "you don't need to hide our relationship to anyone Jagiya! Not to them" The look on taehyung's face was so apparent as if Jin snatched all his ice creams. With that your food has come to your table. Eating a lot more faster than you used to just to get rid of the two non existent strangers. And you are done. "Baby I will wait for you outside. Okay!" Kissing tae's cheeks you stood up. "Excuse me, if you would stand up I would like to go outside." Jungkook stand up with a close proximity which was your god damn weakness. "Sure." And you are out.

Puffing up a cigarette you looked at the street with people enjoying street food, couples roaming with hand-in-hand, vehicles moving alongside, it's peaceful. "Since when did you start smoking?"knowing the owner of the voice. "since when do you care" you stated without deviating your eyes from the street. "How long are you both dating?" he sat beside you looking at the couple who were enjoying the food. "Is any of that related to you?" you asked. "Not entirely. Cause taehyung is still my friend." Woah! So it's not even an indirect taunt. Slipping out the facts that you aren't friends with him. "Why don't you ask my boyfriend about it besides I need to have a quick look for him. Who knows slutty bitches are roaming tryin' snatch my love." Then you look at him. The same doe eyes which makes your heart beat so fast. It became so painful not because you both aren't friends instead there was a moment when you both couldn't live without each other. You advert your eyes. Standing up going inside the restaurant and wow the sight is so mesmerizing. Our dear selfless Yuna trying to clean Tteok-bokki stain from tae's chest. Quickly moving towards them you decided to interrupt the cute little moment. "Tae baby! what happened?" you cringed at yourself calling him baby. "It's nothing ___ Yuna's slipped." Slipped? Or intentionally made them slip? Knowing all her tactics. "It's okay! cover it with your jacket I'll wash it in our home." Our home? Just then jungkook was standing behind you. "Let's go then. Thank you for joining us Yuna and Jungkook." he politely said. "The pleasure is all ours." Jungkook proclaimed being a gentleman. Walking out with tae, he was so shocked, he couldn't be able to resist and asked the blunder going on in his head, "What was that all about?" Taking a quick glance you focussed on the road not knowing how to make an excuse about that. "it's just I don't know what came into my mind. I just blurted it out." panic was written in your face. "It's okay. But is everything okay between you and jungkook." he asked. How to answer that terrifying question now? "We are not friends anymore." couldn't be able to make eye contact. He quickly grabbing your hand "hey ___! Look at me. Shh! is this the reason you were so dull these past few days. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you." Pulling you into a quick hug. You nuzzle your head in the crook of his neck. Peace. It's the perfect word which you are feeling rn. He kissed your hair and damn that cologne. Sniffing him more, tears started rolling from his eyes. "Umm ___." you heard an unfamiliar sound. Is that jungkook? Looking at your side and he is standing next to you. "You left your purse at the restaurant." "Thanks!" Taking the purse you look at him. And what? Is that tears in his eyes? Too focused on him, tae gently grab your palm intervening your fingers with his. "It's time to go home, honey!" Coming back to reality. Without even saying goodbye you both started to walk off.

On the way to your house he asked, "Are you okay!" Turning your face a little you replied, "would you like to sleep with me for tonight." Not being able to get a proper sleep cause the nightmares were too disturbing and haunting you for almost every night. He panicked. "It's jus-" cutting him off. "not the way you are thinking. I couldn't be able to have a proper sleep at night. So you could like company me only for tonight" you asked being ready for the denial. "Fine." He smiled.

Opening the door you invited him in, he insisted on sleeping on the couch while you take the bed and you agreed on it. Slowly drifting towards the sleep you feel relaxed."You look so innocent lying helplessly in the ground waiting for me to fuck you. Huh? Pretty little slut." "no, No, NO" you panicked. "___ hey I'm right here okay shhh shhh!" Tears are coming out of you. Your nerves calm down hearing his deep voice. This small act of his made you feel a little brave in sleep. Hugging the person tightly you slept peacefully. Waking up you look at the time. It's 6:39. Did you sleep that long? Turning your face you saw the beautiful man sleeping beside you. Too engrossed in noticing the facial features you didn't feel his hands on your breast and smooching it. Not knowing what to do just then something poked your thighs touching it was the biggest mistake you made. "Ahhh!" taehyung groaned in your ears. Just then you knew the thing you are holding isn't a thing but something else. Not knowing what to do, you closed your eyes. Shit! He is waking up. Coming to his senses, he immediately pulled back his hand panicking about his current situation. Placing a quick kiss on your temple he moved in to the bathroom. Hearing the lock sound of the door, you opened your eyes. What's this feeling? Homely? Or just another way towards your destruction.

So this is the end of The clash part- 03. Do let me know your pov reading this story. And keep supporting. :)

Happy reading!

#bangtan #k-pop #jeon jungkoooook #jk x reader #jkppost #jungkook #jk x y/n #jk bts #bts jk #jk jk #jk ff #taehyun fluff #taetae #yn #taekook #rm bts #k-drama

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unmotivater · 1 year ago

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A Review of Neanthadral Opens The Door to the Universe

Mild Spoiler Warning & Trigger Warning for Discussion of Suicide & Abuse

Can you believe it? I literally finished it under 24 hours, like all four hundred pages under a damn day (well technically, I started it yesterday at like seven pm and finished it at four pm today). That was how addictive it was, I just kept reading through it. Flipping through it. I couldn't believe I thought my sister was ridiculous for buying this.

Unlike most YA novels I've read, our protagonist (Cliff Hubbard, AKA the titular Neanderthral) narration is entertaining. He's self deprecating, but he isn't pathetic. He doesn't really put himself down for attention, he's just shaped that way.

Before the story started, his brother, Shane, committed suicide and that pretty much made his life worse. Then, his life took a turn for the... greater weirder when one of the school's assholes Aaron Zimmerman got a concussion and told Cliff God came to him with a list. A list on how to fix the school.

I was never one for religious books, or books with religious themes. I'm just not interested. But this one handled it well! (And most of the supporting cast are err... atheists, so that's also unique. One of the main characters turns agnostic by the end, no elaboration on that.)

Cliff is huge, as in GIANT huge (that's where his cruel nickname comes from), but don't let that fool you. No matter how much his dad tells him to join the football team, he's basically a nerd at heart. (Although he can beat an asshole up easily. I'm not sure if he needs the football team as much as the football teams needed him).

I didn't really get most of the references, but I was so invested in Aaron's and Cliff's bromance. Their friendship went from 'Yeah, I only went along with his List for the jokies' to 'I would DIE for Aaron (well he never said that, but you can assume that)'.

They act like straight teenage guys, you know, ass, boobs and girls, but they also got a lot of chemistry together. Honestly, they're one of the few bromances I don't find myself shipping romantically. I just love them.

I forgot to elaborate on his list, but they were basically pointers on how to make their school better;

Put an end to Niko (one of the bullies obviously)'s bullying

Call the JTs (group of crazy Christian teens) to repentance

Remind Mr. Spinelli (an asshole teacher of theirs) why he chose to teach.

Show Frankie's gang (notorious gang of drug dealers) a better way

Find and stop HAL (a hacker)

Yes sir, I busted the book out!

Of course, it's left ambiguous on if Aaron did see God. Weirdly, the book also implies that Shane had a hand in transporting the message to him? The book does lean towards it being the result of his brain damage, but personally I liked to think there was a God sending him a message. Not a traditional God in our religions, no, I think a God.

Granted, I am an atheist so I don't have a horse in this race.

But seriously. Aaron got the best character development in this book. He went from a handsome, sexist douchebag to a well... handsome, loveable douchebag. Seriously. It wasn't just the concussion changing him, he really does change for the better. Albeit, he's still a teenager so he got a far way to go in terms of change but this is still better than nothing.

And did I mentioned Tegan, Cliff's girlfriend? I was worried she'd be those girlfriend characters that are only used to further the protagonist's development, but she has her own arc, personality, and hurts.

If I was a straight man, I'd fall for her. That's a queen.

But this topic does touch on some heavy topics. They may be hard to read through. For one example, Cliff has flashbacks to Shane's graphic suicide a few times. So, it might be triggering for any readers sensitive to that.

Cliff's dad also physically abuses him a lot, so that's also another sensitive topic the book touches on. But don't worry, his life gets better from here. A lot better. Everything I discussed in this post is just a tip of the iceberg, the four hundred page novel is a LOT more than that.

Overall, this is one of the few books I'd give a five star. Captivating, emotional, fun story, fun characters, beautiful themes. I adore everything about it. I wish I had read it earlier, but better now than never, right?

Please check it out if you love a YA novel that isn't centered around a romance. It's beautiful, fun, amusing.

And that was all that unmotivater wrote.

#booklr #book rec #book review #neanderthal opens the door to the universe #preston norton #i love this book sm #readblr

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ina-nis · 1 year ago

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I've been rejected 4, 5 times in the space of 2 or so months. On the "bright side," it could've been so much worse if I were using dating apps - considering "rejection" is one of the main ways these things work.

The last one, just now, is stinging especially bad... even though I braced myself for it, even though I stayed with "having a crush" instead of "falling in love." A long-term friendship, that I boldly gave a shot at romance - as I've been trying with some of my established connections - was given hope with a "maybe" but, as always, it didn't work out!

That's how it is, isn't it? It's just how connections play out and it doesn't have to be that deep!

This time, I decided I would give it my best to retain the friendship and basically go back to how we were, not even pretending nothing happened, and more like... a storm came by and then it passed.

I did say that, in case they would start dating someone, I'd probably distance myself. Not because of what happened but because this is how I act around friends with partners of their own. It's just not good for me. I don't want to get in the way and there's no point in keeping close relationships with people I have no chance of dating, even more when I know closeness will nurture romantic feelings: I'll just get hurt in the end, the closer I am to them.

I've been laughing nonstop.

When the urge to weep becomes strong, when I can feel my throat clenching, I just laugh harder.

"You're not worthless, you're not unlovable, you're not horrible." I keep repeating to myself because it is true, after all, even if these feelings keep on being triggered with every rejection.

Those rejections don't define my character and they have more to do with the other person than me. They need something else, and so do I, so there's really no point in fretting or ruminating over it, I guess.

I laugh but I can feel my brain and my heart being engulfed in all these overwhelming, suffocating feelings (that I'm trying so hard to avoid by using humour, how ironic!).

"For how long are you going to keep on doing this? How many more times you'll have your heart shattered to pieces, picking it back up and trying again? Is it worth when your wounds just keep on getting bigger and scars growing in quantity?"

So yeah, I have to smile because the alternative is killing myself, and I don't want to die over something like this.

When I experience this pain I feel loneliest the most: after knowing hope, after being given a chance, just to have it crushed right in front of me.

But that's life, right? And that doesn't give me any comfort at all.

Life can be really cruel.

Life has been very cruel to me.

I'm not worthless, I'm not unlovable, I'm not horrible.

I don't deserve to be going through so much pain.

When does it end?

#avpd #avoidance #avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #loneliness #inanis post #romantic love

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fangaminghell · 1 month ago

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*slides an ask into your box*

Some random facts regarding Suraya and Blair + their future?

Gotcha! Some of this is 100% stuff I already mentioned, but it's nice to have it in one place.

Suraya

Compared to Leo, had many flings prior to Reborn. All of which ended bc either the girl Suraya was interested in was too afraid to come out and wish to not indulge in her own desires again or just thought they were messing around and didn't actually think Suraya was looking for a relationship or worse, didn't think she ( Suraya) was actually into girls. ( ....I don't know if I actually ever said this???? But Suraya is a lesbian. Gay as hell. Figured it out way faster than Leo lol)

Suraya has the tendency to be a "mom" to others, even those older than her. It's something that slowly declines as she starts to focus more on herself and her needs but it's kinda always there lol.

I'm still researching law terms, but I think either 1) Raya opens a law firm in Reborn. I think Reborn already has one but. Who knows it might be corrupt lol. OR 2)After traveling and finding herself, she becomes a defense attorney. I'm still not sure which route I want her to go down - like I learned you can be a lawyer and an attorney but you can't be an attorney and a lawyer. Being a lawyer and an attorney are like. Different things and I'm over here what the hell would Suraya do. I think she would still be interested in law though. And rehabilitation - I think she believes in second chances for a better life. I dunno what that would translate to in terms of a job though.

Okay something lighter: I still think Suraya can't cook. I think she gets better at it, but I still don't think she can cook. Her mom is severely disappointed in her childrens lack of cooking skills. Suraya is oblivious to this ( which is VERY funny given her aura abilities)

Suraya never really had hobbies before - it was always work and training. But after that, she started to enjoy working out - I think she would be a powerlifter. Maybe her and Samson are working out buddies :) Outside of that, I haven't fully thought out what Suraya would enjoy in her free time. Hmm. Reading, maybe crotchet? Any suggestions are welcomed :>

I can't have a Suraya facts list without mentioning Saphira. They don't get together until later- they both have a lot of growing to do, even after the post game of Reborn. Plus, Suraya wants to travel more and find herself. By herself. So yeah they don't get together during the entirety of Reborn but I promise they DO get together!

Blair

I mentioned this once and I'll mention it again! They are farsighted! They need glasses but don't wear them throughout the majority of Reborn. They are VERY good at catching things from a distance though.

Long hair is. Kinda impractical for the work they do. Even in a braid or ponytail,it could still be a liability. I think the reason xe keep it so long is bc it probably reminds xem of xyr mom. I think Lilith resembled xyr mom more, at least in hair shape, but Blair got xyr white hair from her so keeping it long is kinda a remembrance thing. I think xe do end up cutting it in the future though.

I still want xyr friendship with Blake to be Real but god it might be harder given how Blake treated Cal and Blair's while " I lost my sibling" thing- I still want it to be real!!!! I want them to be besties!!!!!!

At some point xe sorta just. Resign to the fact that xe will be beating witness to a lot of romantic bullshit when around Suraya and Leo. Or anyone, really. ( Note: Blair is aroace and is really tired of everyone's bullshit)

I'm thinking xyr froslass is xyr mom but I'm not 100% sure on that. I need to think of xyr dad more. I think he's cool but I barely think of him.

Smoking used to be something I thought xe did bc it kinda looked cool but was still unhealthy for xem. Now it's definitely a vice. Helps keeps xyr thoughts at bay. I do think xe...kinda quit, or at least don't rely on it as much as xe used to. Maybe xe start painting/ drawing as a means to help with xyr issues? Or xe get into cooking more. Someone has to be good at it-

Ends up becoming a pokemon professor :). It was xyr dream as a kid, but got pushed down bc. Well. ( Gestures to everything in Blair's life). Xe thought it was something xe could never achieve, given xyr history. But I think a little angel gave xem one last push into helping xem realize xe should be chasing xyr dreams instead of running away from it.

And yeah! Sorry that Suraya's section was kinda filled with downers, I just have A Lot of thoughts about her.

#oc: suraya ✴️#oc: blair ❄️

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lionheartslowstart · 2 years ago

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When I Look At Him

A few months ago, my partner “Thomas” and I had to stop by the house of a friend of mine in order to pick up a piece of furniture. The trip was uneventful enough, but something changed once we actually arrived at the house.

You see, this friend of mine, as well as their partner, are still friends with my ex, “Kevin.” I don’t have a problem with this. Or rather, I don’t have enough of a problem with this to reconsider our friendship. My friend and their partner are good people, and I enjoy their company. At the time, my ex’s brother was also living with my friend and their partner. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t have been an issue for me. My ex’s brother and I are on decent terms. We’re not close, like we used to be, but we’re solid. In fact, he was the one I was picking the furniture up from.

However, on this day, it was a problem. It was a problem because there I was, in a house I hadn’t been in since Kevin and I had been together, with one of Kevin’s best friends, and his brother. (To make matters worse, my friend wasn’t even home at the time.) And I just...couldn’t handle that. I wasn’t prepared. To be fair, I wasn’t prepared because I didn’t think I’d have a reason to be. Like I said, I have a good relationship with Kevin’s brother, and I have a good relationship with my friend’s partner too. Moreover, up until that point, I had been dealing with the breakup very well. That includes all of the drama involving his friend group. Even when I was upset, I was more angry than anything else, and I held my head up high throughout. I don’t know how, but I guess I just pushed all of the Kevin-related trauma to the very back of my mind. Even a few weeks before this, my best friend said to me,

“Sophie, you have a lot of Kevin trauma you’re not dealing with.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“So you need to deal with it.”

“Nah.”

And that was the extent to which I had discussed, or even thought about any kind of Kevin-trauma for a long time since the immediate aftermath.

But then I was at that house. And something snapped.

On the ride back home, I broke down. Thomas was concerned, albeit confused, and didn’t know what to do. I explained how I was feeling and Thomas comforted me to the best of his ability. But the damage was done. The lid to Pandora’s box had been lifted, and there was no way to replace it.

Since then, I’ve had frequent nightmares and flashbacks. I’ve recovered several more memories I wish I hadn’t. I’ve thought about Kevin much more than I would like. It feels like I’m reprocessing that relationship all over again, but much more in depth, and with a lot less control. (I’ve been to my friend’s house since, and it hasn’t caused any problems. I think it was just that first time going that unlocked something, since I hadn’t been there since I was still seeing Kevin.)

Thomas has been incredibly supportive. He listens to me when I need to talk about it, and he comforts me when I start flashbacking. As always, he’s a wonderful partner, and he tries to do what he can.

Part of this process, apparently has been rewatching old videos of Kevin and me, and going through old photos. I’m not sure why, maybe because I avoided doing it for a whole year? Apparently it’s something I need to do. Every couple of weeks, the urge strikes, and pull up his photo album in my phone. (I haven’t been able to delete it yet, sue me.)

So what do I feel when I look at Kevin? When I listen to his voice?

The short answer? Anger. The long answer is much more complicated.

I need to preface this by saying I’m not in love with Kevin anymore. That ship sailed a long time ago, even before I formally ended things with him. I would say sometime in May of 2021.

Despite the fact that those romantic feelings are long gone, looking at his face, listening to him talk through the speaker in my phone, it’s painful. It hurts in a way I don’t think I’ve truly experienced before.

I loved that man. With all my heart, with all my soul, with every fiber of my being. I made excuses for him over and over and over again. I lied to my friends and family about how badly he treated me. I gave him everything I had and I still gave him more even after I was drained dry. I would have done anything for him.

And how did he repay me? By abusing me for almost five years. By invalidating me, triggering me, belittling me, gaslighting me, minimizing me, dismissing me, and essentially bullying me, at every turn, every chance he got. At one point it even got physical when he threw me into a door. And still I made excuses for him. I stayed with him, because he kept telling me one day he’d be ready. One day he’d be ready to do the self-work. One day he’d be ready to start a future with me. One day he’d be ready to treat me the way I deserved. One day he’d be ready to love me.

That day never came.

So when I look at this man-child, when I hear his voice, all I can think is: “You could have been the one.”

And he could have been. If he had loved me enough. If he had been willing to compromise, or do even a quarter of the work I was doing. I wasted five years of my life on someone who never ever even for a second intended on actually being a true partner, let alone for life.

I will never in my life understand why I wasn’t good enough for him to do that work. Why he felt the need to drag me down, instead of pulling himself up, in the words of one of my close friends.

That’s where the pain comes in. And the anger.

Of course, I know it wasn’t me at the end of the day. Kevin did the same thing to his ex before me, and I’m sure he’ll do the same with his next relationship (though I doubt there will be another one for quite some time). Kevin’s a narcissist. I have yet to meet a single person who disagrees with me, including some of his friends. Plus, I wrote a different blog post just a few weeks ago, about how Thomas completely changed for me, and I didn’t even realize it. And when I asked Thomas why was I the person you changed for, Thomas only said, “I knew you were worth it.”

Like I said, I haven’t loved Kevin in quite some time. If he showed up at my door crying and begging for another chance, swearing he’d changed, I’d straight up laugh in his face. Even if it were true. There’s no undoing the damage, the trauma, he caused. I’ll give someone I care about a million and one chances. But once I’m done, I’m really done.

Unfortunately, no amount of self-reassurance, comfort, or even truth, can change the rage and pain I feel. Kevin could have been the one, if he had wanted to be. That will always be true. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he wasn’t. I’m with someone now who treats me like a god dammed queen, and I couldn’t ask for a better partner. Even so, the fact that Kevin made the choice he did still haunts me. As do many of the abusive things he said and did. It’s going to take time for me to process and come to terms with all of this, and I have to accept that, even if I don’t want to.

I finally deleted Kevin’s voicemails today. That was a huge victory for me. At least that’s something.

#trauma #abuse #pain #loss #ex #anger #angry #ptsd #cptsd #post traumatic stress disorder #complex ptsd #complex post traumatic stress disorder

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liskantope · 6 months ago

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@who-canceled-roger-rabbit replied:

Out of curiosity, why would you say you felt threatened by the implications on that side of the discourse? I recall feeling kind of uneasy about it too, so maybe explaining your thoughts on the matter could help crystallize my own.

I don't have time for a very deep answer right now, and I don't want to get into a ton of Nice Guy discourse as it's become an old unpleasant memory of something that mostly died down ~8 years ago. At the same time, I guess it's fitting to say something about it on what I consider the precise 10-year anniversary of its zenith.

Ten years ago was towards the end of a particular period of my life when I made tons of friends with women as well as men, was deathly scared of taking the initiative to instigate anything beyond friendship with one of them (I still am rather intensely phobic of this outside of a dating app context), and tended to want to make friends with whomever I was interested in and hope that friendship might lead to something more. I think the reason I used the phrase "very threatening" in the OP is that, while on some level I knew my feelings and intentions (for the most part) weren't wrong, the anti- Nice Guy (TM) rhetoric was very blatantly lumping in my behaviors, feelings, and intentions with a related but different set of behaviors, feelings, and intentions that were clearly wrong and which would be easy for them to attack (with callous dismissal and disdain for any wants or needs that might be behind the behaviors). For instance, the male character in the cartoon linked to in the OP is clearly wrongheaded in a moronic way (even the guy angrily arguing against the cartoon in the Facebook thread was perfectly willing to acknowledge this!), and wrongheaded in a way that clearly existed, but in a way which was unfair to pattern-match to the rest of us frustrated guys who were able to make friends with women but not achieve anything beyond friendship. (Oh sorry, implying that a romantic/sexual relationship is somehow "more than friendship" was often considered part of that cluster of offensive attitudes, at least back in 2014, oops!)

So I felt like some of my very real woes were being viewed in a sort of weakmanning way, if you will, and that the discourse seemed sloppy for lumping my frustrated attitudes in with those of the guy in the cartoon while at the same time somehow cleverly calculated in doing so. It's somewhat analogous (though not in degrees involved or harm done) to, say, preaching against radically conservative Islamic (or I suppose Christian) views and not really bothering to distinguish between extremists and just Muslims in general or even acknowledge that moderate-to-liberal Islam is a thing that exists with its own concerns.

And to be clear, I don't really remember feeling exactly threatened as in, "if my frustrations at only being able to be friends with women and not being able to date them are ever discovered, everyone will decide I'm a terrible entitled misogynist who was never truly friends with the women I'm interested in!". It was more, I felt like if I was found out, I'd be dismissed as a super naive, ignorant guy who didn't realize what a mountain of privilege he was sitting on top of simply by way of being lucky enough to be a man and not a woman in the dating world, while in fact I really really couldn't help but feel like I was quite underprivileged in terms of dating capacity, and aaaargh.

(Ten years later, some aspects of this are better, particularly in that I feel wiser and less prone to letting certain types of rhetoric get to me, but unfortunately in a lot of other ways my situation feels far worse.)

I've been doing a personal 10th-anniversary retrospective of the online world that surrounded me around the time that I first discovered the online rationalist community, and I ran across this cartoon. I remember which current real-life friend posted it on Facebook, the sharp pushback it got from some other friend of hers that I didn't know, and my pride (perhaps in retrospect misplaced) at being able to contribute diplomatic enough comments to the ensuing discussion that somehow got likes from both parties.

The cartoon itself fits precisely in that strange intersection of something I find really funny and well done and enjoy looking at and a representation of a side of a debate that I found very threatening at the time. I loved (and still love) the cartoonist's sense of humor and artistic style and actually most of the individual points she makes. I resented and felt threatened by the broader-picture assumptions that the cartoon implies (and still hold this opinion though now at somewhat of an emotional distance).

#elliot rodger #personal #dating and relationships #islamophobia #it was mostly one woman actually #who (and I asked once it became a meme) was very anti-NG

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unfoundhoney · 4 years ago

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toe the line ; part two ↠

↠ slimecicle x fem!reader , platonic!jschlatt x fem!reader ; angst , fluff in future chapters

↠ masterlist

�� part one ; part two ; part three ; part four

↠ @ochabby @nottheotheruser @d0vesatdawn @ashturnedtomist @bloopi @enderhoe @plaguenecromancer

Your clothes are damp and heavy in your hands as you move them from washer to dryer. It’s quiet in the apartment. The silence has been amplified for the last few days, an effect that carries through to now, as you switch your laundry. You’re bent at the waist, feet nearly off the ground as you reach down into the the washer to get the few remaining socks at the bottom of the basin.

You see movement in the doorway and turn your head to check what it is. You find Charlie stood in the doorway to the laundry/storage room looking not unlike a deer in headlights as you lock eyes with him.

You’re quick to look away. “Hey.”

“Hi,” he returns slowly. “Um, sorry, didn’t know you were using the washer.”

“I’m not.”

You pull yourself out of the washer and toss your last few socks into the dryer.

“Anymore,” you add.

As you set and start the dryer, Charlie remains hovering in the doorway as far away from you as possible. He steps out of your way as you leave the room.

“All yours,” you say.

“Thanks,” he calls after you.

You return to your room.

This is how it’s been ever since “the incident” on Friday, four days ago. The fairly spacious apartment you used to love sharing with Charlie now suddenly feels tiny, pushing you into closer vicinity of Charlie than you want to be right now.

You know you should probably talk about what happened, what was revealed, but there’s a part of you that’s still mad at him. There’s another, much bigger part that’s scared that if you acknowledge it again, you’ll never be able to move on from it. That if you actually talk it out like adults, if you tell him any more about how you feel and have felt for him than he already knows, you’ll lose him forever.

But despite your ultimate fear right now being making another wrong move and losing your best friend, the apartment is still suffocating. You text a friend, pack a bag, and tell Charlie you’re spending the night somewhere else.

You’re curled up in the corner of the couch, hugging an empty beer bottle. There are several other bottles in the same state as the one in your hands, a few others on various surfaces near where your drinking partner and host is sat on the ground. Schlatt looks over at you and your vacant expression, watching you for a moment as you stare blankly at the rug ahead of you.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

He’s asked you that multiple times since you arrived at his house a few days ago. You’ve only gone back to the apartment when you absolutely need to and if you’re able, you avoid Charlie entirely during said visits. It’s pitiful, really, the lengths you’re going to to avoid speaking to him.

“It’s weird how much you can miss someone who you haven’t even lost yet,” you answer.

“So, no.”

“No.”

“Alright, well, have you considered the fact that you’re hiding from him and pushing him away?”

“He pushed me away first,” you counter. “It was insufferable trying to live in the same space after what he read. It’s worse than a rejected confession; those were my thoughts, translated and poetic on paper and never supposed to be seen by anyone else. That’s where all the embarrassing emotional stuff I’d never say out loud goes and now everyone has heard it.”

“If I’m not making fun of you for it, no one else will either,” Schlatt tells you. “Yes, it’s cheesy and grossly romantic but it’s not something your friends will make fun of you about.”

“I’m gonna be honest, I don’t really care what anyone else thinks,” you say.

“Bullshit.”

“Okay, yeah, you’re right, I do care, but I care infinitely more about losing my best friend.”

“You haven’t lost him.”

“I’m in the process of losing him. Neither of us knows how to function after my involuntary confession. Like, you can’t just move past that, especially since I didn’t get the opportunity to ease into a gentle ‘I like you’ and just came right out the gate with ‘I long for him with every fiber of my being.’ Think about being in his shoes and hearing your platonic best friend say something like that about you; how do you respond to that?”

Schlatt takes a deep breath, “I don’t know.”

“It sucks,” you say. “It sucks so hard.”

You set your empty bottle on the end table beside the other two you’ve had.

“You want another?”

“No.” You lie down on the couch. “I’m already sad, getting more drunk will only make me more sad.”

“Has he tried to talk to you? Or is ignoring the massive fucking elephant in the room a mutual, silent agreement?”

“The second one.”

“Did he say anything about you staying here?”

“I avoid him most times I got back for anything.”

“And when you haven’t?”

“Hey, you’re home,” Charlie said as you entered the apartment quietly.

Most days around this time, he’s in his office working. When you came, he was sat on the couch watching TV. Because it was Saturday, of course, stupid, stupid Y/N.

“Yeah,” you returned in what you hope was an unbothered tone. “Just gonna grab some clothes and stuff.”

“Oh okay.”

You think maybe just maybe there had been a dit of disappointment in his voice but that’s probably just hopeful thinking. You quickly stuffed your backpack with some things then went to head out again.

“Why have uh... why’ve you been gone so much?” Charlie asked.

You hesitated by the door. Why have you been gone? Why do you think, Charlie?

Instead, you say, “Because Schlatt’s an expensive bitch. His guest bed is better than my regular one.”

“... You’re staying at Schlatt’s?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, cool. See you around, then.”

“See you.”

“But that was a lie, obviously,” you say. “Your guest bed is nice but I just can’t handle how suffocating it is to be in the same space as him and not be able to have things the way they were. I just- I miss being able to joke and laugh with him and how we’d eat breakfast together and our movie nights."

"Ignoring him won't make your feelings go away."

"It might."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever."

You pick apart the details in the ceiling fan above you. You know he's right. You've spent so long ignoring your problems. Sure, hiding it all from Charlie seemed like the right move, but maybe if you'd been able to confess on your own terms, drop subtle hints and work into a noncommittal "I like you" then maybe- maybe you'd be able to salvage your friendship. But now...

"I miss him," you murmur through tears.

You aren't even sure when you started crying. Mama always said to never cry over a boy. Yet here you are. You like to think Charlie is a bit more than "just a boy"; he's your best friend, one of the most important people in your life. Somehow, that doesn't soften the blow or make you seem less pitiful.

Schlatt definitely knows you're crying at this point. His non-acknowledgement of it is appreciated.

You know you'll have to face Charlie eventually, but for now you sniff and ask, "Do you have anything stronger than beer?"

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mostlymovieswithmax · 3 years ago

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Movies I watched in July

Once again I’m doing my monthly round-up of movies I’ve watched. This was a good month for the cinema getting back on track and seeing new releases including the new M. Night movie, Old and James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad. Pretty sure Marvel put out a new movie also. I’m hoping that this list can help in guiding a decision about what to watch (or what to avoid) and introduce people to movies they may otherwise not have heard of or bothered to see. These short reviews are my own subjective opinions on each individual movie and maybe a more informal approach to movie criticism can help include others who are just passing through. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of July.

Bridesmaids (2011) - 4/10

Off to a good start. I won’t say Bridesmaids is a terrible movie but I don’t think I’m exactly the target audience. As far as I know, this is a beloved comedy but I just can’t get on board with all the boring, juvenile humour; with Maya Rudolph shitting in the street, with Rose Byrne and Kristen Wiig trying to one-up each other at a toast that went on forever, with Melissa McCarthy shitting in a sink… the conflict is so done to death and makes the movie feel unspecial. I do understand the appeal of the film, especially for women in that before this movie the likelihood of seeing something like this, where women play up the more crass and gross side of comedy, was probably few and far between. But the story is very tired and while I did appreciate some moments, namely a couple of decent jokes and some of the more intimate scenes, for the most part it felt like they wanted to corner a more quiet type of line delivery in a way that was supposed to be understated but very funny so as to not rely on over the top body language or musical cues, and it ended up being super dull.

Spectre (2015) - 7/10

As far as I can tell, a lot of people don’t like this instalment of the James Bond franchise… but I really enjoyed it! I’ve really taken a shine to these Daniel Craig-era Bond movies and while I can’t say any of them are the most amazing thing, I have a lot of fun with them. The biggest problem I have with Spectre is the villain being utterly pointless and uninteresting in basically every way. The idea of every villain Bond has fought before being tied to this one organisation controlled by this one guy is ridiculous, and what makes it worse is that the villain is barely in it! There’s so much that doesn’t come together in this but as it goes, I still had a really good time. Daniel Craig holds the whole thing together; he is excellent as 007 and the main reason I’m up for each of these movies is because of him. Sam Mendes directs again after the previous instalment and for what it’s worth I do think he does a good job with some of the action set pieces and the locations. I’m so ready for No Time To Die.

Shazam (2019) - 7/10

Shazam is a genuinely fun superhero movie that doesn’t take itself seriously at all. I was having a great time throughout and while it could conform to some of the same tropes we’re used to with these kinds of movies, it still remained playful and used the character of Shazam to his fullest potential in a way that showed an understanding of just how silly the idea of a kid who can turn into an adult and shoot lightning out of his hands is.

High School Musical (2006) - 6/10

So as you may or may not know, I co-host a podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon. It’s a film podcast and every week I get together with my other co-hosts and watch movies. For episode 38, we watched the High School Musical trilogy. This first movie blew me away. I was really surprised with just how much fun I had, and if you want to hear more of my thoughts on the film, please listen to episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 2 (2007) - 4/10

We then jumped into the second and while it’s certainly not as good as its predecessor, there are still some brilliant songs that manage to top the last movie. Again, more of what I have to say can be heard on episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) - 3/10

Senior Year was pretty hard to get through. I don’t remember it being as bad as it was, but then I didn’t really remember it anyway. It did however have one redeeming quality, which you can discover on episode 38 of the podcast.

The Piano Teacher (2001) - 9/10

What the fuuuckkkk. The Piano Teacher is horrendously affecting and I was so upset when it ended, maybe not because it’s not what I wanted but because it’s just so fucking dour and unrelenting. This is the second Haneke movie I’ve seen (after the original Funny Games) and I’m so impressed with how well executed it is. Following a woman who teaches piano, we get a glimpse into the life she lives, how sheltered she is from living with her mother at an age where you’d reasonably expect a person to be living alone or with a partner or friends (even going so far as to be sleeping in the same bed as her), and how repressed she is sexually. It’s clear she’s never experienced any kind of sexual interaction or romantic love with another person, so she goes out of her way to take control and make that happen. The upsetting nature of it comes from just what she does in pursuit of it or as a result of her repression, and what is done to her. It is by no means a movie to recommend to your parents but The Piano Teacher offers so much in terms of the ideas it presents (and I’ll admit there seems to be a lot more going on than I think I picked up on a first go round) about women in modern society, and about the portrayal of sex and expectations of people when it comes to how that is represented in a person’s character depending on their gender. I really enjoyed this movie but it is not for the faint of heart.

Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011) - 1/10

My podcast co-hosts decided it’d be a right laugh to add Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure to this episode and that might have been a fun idea for them because they got to watch it together, but I was just watching it alone. Just a 24-year-old man watching Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure alone and having a miserable time, I might add. But for a short and sweet ramble on what we all thought, please listen to episode 38 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Dr. No (1962) - 6/10

A lot of very iffy parts of this movie. A lot of discomfort arising from how black people are portrayed that really didn’t sit right with me. As far as a Bond movie goes, this first instalment in the series is one I’ve seen before and it’s not wholly engaging but it plants the seeds for the rest, with Sean Connery breathing life into the role and making an otherwise lacklustre plot bearable.

Black Widow (2021) - 6/10

I think probably the best part about Black Widow is the experience I had while watching it. It was great being back in the cinema with a couple of friends in a packed theatre. The energy was high and I’m sure for a lot of people, this is the first time they’d been to the cinema since Endgame. For what it’s worth, I did have a lot of fun with Black Widow and I’ve explained more of what I thought about the movie in episode 39 of the podcast.

The Climb (2020) - 10/10

The Climb was added to Now TV recently and I already knew I loved it, having seen it in an empty cinema theatre last year, which I had an absolute blast with. The Climb details the years of a rocky friendship told over scenes filmed as one-shots. Not only is the presentation something to gawk at, but the performances by the two leads playing these friends with a terrifically dysfunctional dynamic is truly captivating. They’re both trying to figure out their own lives and where one can come across as being rather selfish, the opposite is true in his counterpart, whom everyone loves. This is a truly funny and heartwarming movie with a lot to say about how we choose to live our lives and who we choose to be with. It’s a shame the distributors of The Climb didn’t do a very good job because if not for it being available on Now TV, it would be near impossible to watch without forking out more money than is necessary to purchase a film.

From Russia With Love (1963) - 5/10

The second Bond movie. I thought perhaps I’d change my mind on it with another watch, having seen it for the first time maybe a year ago. But no, it’s still largely boring and it treats women like absolute garbage. From Russia With Love is one of those movies I forget as I watch it, and I was trying very hard (in the middle of the day!) not to fall asleep.

The Good, The Bart, and The Loki (2021) - 1/10

I don't usually talk about the short films I watch but for this I'll make an exception. As we all should know, Disney owns The Simpsons now, through their acquisition of Fox, so, coupled with another of their properties, that being Marvel, they decided to make a six-minute animated film wherein Marvel’s Loki is stranded in Springfield. This felt as though it was a minute long due to the horrendously jarring pacing; it is a movie that feels adamant that it needs to exist, while trying as hard as it can to be over as soon as possible. It serves only to stare the audience directly in the face and say “look, characters from The Simpsons are dressed as Avengers”, shit out three credit scenes, then end before you’ve even processed the atrocity you just bore witness to.

Russian Ark (2002) - 8/10

For this next episode of the podcast, we watched a few Russian movies, starting with Russian Ark, a film shot completely in one take as the camera moves about a luxurious museum in a first-person perspective as this main character watches what is happening around him, seeing people moving about the place but unable to interact with them, guided only by another man who seems to be just slightly out of his own perception of reality. This is a tremendous feat in filmmaking and more can be heard about what I have to say in episode 39 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Ivan’s Childhood (1962) - 7/10

For my own pick of Russian movies to discuss on the podcast, I chose the debut feature from one of my favourite directors, Andrei Tarkovsky. It’s amazing that while this is not his best film by far, Ivan’s Childhood is still such a stellar debut, jumping around in its timeline as it details a child’s experience in the second world war. Again, I do go into more depth in episode 39 of the podcast, so be sure to check that out.

Outlaw (2019) - 1/10

The third movie chosen for this marathon is apparently the fourth Russian LGBTQ+ movie ever made. I’m unsure of the ultimate goal of this movie but what seems to be clear is that it hates the LGBTQ+ community. This is perhaps the worst film we’ve discussed on the podcast to date, so listen to episode 39 to understand exactly why it’s such trash.

Almost Famous (2000) - 7/10

I too love heavy music and also studied journalism so it stands to reason that a movie about a teenager who makes his way onto a band tour, following them through America and interviewing them as they hang out and play shows is going to be a premise that resonates with me. This certainly did. I enjoyed Almost Famous a lot; this kid is living the dream and I was so along for the ride, seeing a lot of myself in what was being portrayed. That said, the story itself is at times a bit by the numbers and I really would’ve been more on board if the visual component was more interesting. For what it is, technically it’s fine enough but nothing in that department ever jumped out at me.

Minari (2021) - 8/10

It’s crazy that this didn’t get a theatrical run where I live in the UK. It feels as though I complain about film distribution all the time but I really don’t understand the process by which a movie gets no cinematic release and yet, months later will pop up on the front shelf of hmv, taking pride of place. But of course I got the blu-ray straight away. Minari has a lot to say about the immigrant experience, specifically in America as a family comes over from Korea and tries to start a business and make something of themselves. You get to see a lot of what you might not think twice about when you think about immigration: the hardship of coming from a place where you know everyone to somewhere rural and sparsely populated, having to make friends with locals and integrate within the community; the strain it can put on a family and on a marriage where this idea is presented about the importance of making it on your own in order to live and not just survive, while also taking into account why you’re doing it in the first place and the value you place on being part of a family that you decided to make because that was more important than money, than economy, than proving you were good enough to make it in a place that gave you very little advantage from the offset. This concept of the promised land, of the American dream is a construct. There are times when it’s not pretty, when you have no running water, or you’re in debt, or a family member is dying and it just feels like you’ve been dealt as bad a hand as you can get. But it is better to know you’re not facing all that alone.

Roma (2018) - 10/10

This was my recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. Roma is as beautiful as it is heart-wrenching and I would recommend listening to episode 40 of the podcast to find out more about my thoughts.

An American Werewolf In London (1981) - 8/10

In all fairness, London is enough to make anyone a little crazy at the best of times. An American Werewolf in London showcases some fantastically grotesque effects, akin to something like Carpenter’s The Thing, in showing the dead brought back to life and a horrifically gory transformation scene. Although the film is from the perspective of an American protagonist, directed also by an American, the depiction of British culture and climate is something I’ve not seen many films pull off quite so well, and I was pleasantly surprised at the more comedic tone the film has overall, which is something that works more in its favour than straight horror would.

The Party’s Just Beginning (2018) - 6/10

Karen Gillan’s directorial debut is… pretty good! There are a lot of ideas I like in this movie: a woman living life and through convenient circumstances, is confronted with death in many ways. Gillan obviously knows her homeland as well as she can, imbuing the whole thing with an intensely Scottish vibe (though maybe not in the same vein as something like Trainspotting) that makes it a bit more unique than a more run of the mill movie of this ilk, backed up in no small part by her own main performance. The plot itself is no great diversion from the kind of story I’m used to with these smaller movies and for something that’s trying to include messaging about transgender issues and suicide, it probably could have been handled better or done in a different way.

Solaris (1972) - 9/10

Another Tarkovsky joint, one I thought I’d revisit to see if there was indeed more to get out of it a second time. Well, it’s no surprise that yes, there was certainly more to get out of it. Solaris is a crazy trip of a movie and I would liken it to Kubrick’s 2001 in terms of how grand the scale of it feels. Yet this is a film that comes across as deeply personal, choosing to focus on a specific character as he goes to a space station to help those on board who are experiencing some kind of emotional crises, only to feel the effects of the planet, Solaris invading his own mind as it has the crew. To many, I can see this lengthy Russian sci-fi being a tad slow but my personal experience is one of deep engagement. Solaris pulls its viewer in a lot of different directions and it is always doing something unexpected in terms of where its narrative goes. There’s a lot to think about with the movie and thankfully it’s no chore to watch again.

Y Tu Mamá También (2001) - 9/10

Another recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. This is a very relaxed experience, following three young people as they go on a road trip, visit different places and have sex. Listen to episode 40 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast for more of my thoughts.

Children of Men (2006) - 10/10

My favourite Cuarón movie, one that never stops being tense as its characters are constantly moving towards the end goal. Set in a future where humans are infertile, the oldest living person is 18, and London is the last city in the world that’s still keeping it together, somewhat. This is masterclass filmmaking. Listen to episode 40 of the podcast for more insights.

Minority Report (2002) - 5/10

I’m really not the biggest fan of Spielberg… Minority Report is an interesting movie in terms of its concept of stopping crimes before they happen by way of prediction, but I just didn’t connect with the heart of it. The colouring is way too overexposed in a way that’s supposed to be eliciting a futuristic vibe but instead feels so early-2000’s in the worst way. My biggest problem with Minority Report is just how long it is, clocking in at two hours and twenty-five minutes which allows for a lot of meandering, all while never quite developing characters enough for you to care about.

Caché (2005) - 9/10

Oh god! Another Michael Haneke movie! Here we see a couple periodically sent video tapes featuring hours of footage of the outside of their house. The anxiety ratchets up and the mystery gets deeper with every minute. There’s always at least one moment in any of his films that have so far made me realise just how out of my depth I am. Caché is no exception, and I won’t spoil anything here because I think it’s better just to watch the movie and see for yourself. He is a director that wants the audience to know something and that something is never what is explicitly shown at face value; it is pressed into the fabric of the film - plainly evident, yet hidden. Caché is so stupidly clever in displaying its themes and messaging - making reference to the Siene Massacre of 1961 as well as a deeper study of colonialism - and there’s no way to change a single detail of it without risking the Jenga tower crumbling to the ground. It all works in tandem. It is passion and fury and haunting.

Coco (2017) - 7/10

Pixar had a string of around seven forgettable movies before this point so thankfully Coco emerged to show the company still had something good in them. Coco deals a lot with themes of death and legacy, remembering those who are gone in order to preserve them and while its plotting is quite basic and there are certainly moments that either drag or cannot escape the same Pixar formula, most of what the movie has to offer is a lot of fun, with creative, colourful animation and emotional beats that resonate the way they’re supposed to.

Incredibles 2 (2018) - 5/10

Oh, they almost had it! There's a lot here that could have been explored in far more interesting ways. Setting Incredibles 2 directly after the events of the first movie was not a good idea. If it had taken place five or ten years after, the characters could have been in different places in life and it would feel as though they'd actually changed and developed. But instead of trying to be a film that actually cares about its characters and the journeys they go on, a lot of the film is wrestling with the idea that Bob isn't supportive of his wife and Jack-Jack has to fight a raccoon… They have to shoehorn in a villain that in no way compares to the genius of the original. The ending of the original introduces another antagonist that gets wrapped up within this film's first ten minutes, except they don't catch him and he's never mentioned again. It's a real shame because the animation is fantastic and the acting is superb and there are great ideas sprinkled throughout. It just doesn't come together.

Toy Story 4 (2019) - 6/10

I was rather reluctant to watch Toy Story 4 because from the get-go I’m not really here for sequels being made just for the sake of it. Everyone loves Toy Story and making another one is a sure fire way to make money. This is the first time I’ve seen Toy Story 4 and for what it’s worth, I did enjoy it. The animation is immaculate and that alone feels like a huge flex from Pixar who tend to step up the game when it comes to animation in film, despite not having the best track record for films generally at this point. While it was nice to see these characters again, I found a lot of them to be side-lined (namely Buzz) in favour of a story that focuses mainly or entirely on Woody, who I just don’t like as much as in the previous movies. Generally the movie is good and decent enough but there’s no real antagonist and the plot is quite loose… it doesn’t feel as though it needed to be made from a story point of view.

Onward (2020) - 6/10

And with that I have seen every Pixar movie. And Onward is a fine one to go out on. While I don’t think it compares to the likes of earlier Pixar it’s still pretty fun. Or maybe I’m just a sucker for a medieval setting filled with bright colours and magic! Speaking of which, the animation was super and the medieval quest element is something that hooked me with the film. Again, plot-wise it does feel very familiar and I don’t know, maybe I’m past the point now of expecting Pixar to mix it up where their formula for story-telling is concerned but the movie is quite predictable. Nonetheless, while I’m not rushing back to see Onward I would hardly turn it off or refuse if someone wanted to watch it.

Old (2021) - 3/10

Oh boy! New M. Night movie dropped and my word, was it fun! For more of my thoughts on this… masterpiece (?) of a movie, please direct your attention to episode 41 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

T2 Trainspotting (2017) - 5/10

Trainspotting is perhaps one of my favourite movies and I had never bothered with the sequel, 20 years on, because the ending of that first movie is so conclusive. T2 felt more an excuse for these guys to get together again and in that, I probably would have preferred a couple of pictures on Twitter of the main cast and director, Danny Boyle having dinner or something. This is a fine movie - very arty in its presentation but meandering and dull in its story that doesn’t offer much in the way of proof that it had to exist.

Taste of Cherry (1997) - 9/10

What makes life worth living? This is a central question and theme of Taste of Cherry, and one that leaves such interpretation not only up to its central character but to the viewer as well. This film got me thinking about times in my life when I truly have had no answer to hard questions. Because it’s hard to convince people of things they are so adamantly against and harder still to rationalise what you believe if you’re not even entirely sure why you believe it in the first place. We are all of us alive and in recognising that, does that make it precious? And if indeed living is not a happy thing, why then should we fight so hard to preserve it? I felt upset as I watched this movie because I’ve been asked these kinds of questions before and it makes me feel stupid when I’m unable to answer. But the only real answer I can give is, everything. And if you can’t see the point then you’re not looking hard enough. Taste of Cherry is beautiful in its exploration of these topics and in its overall presentation, offering some of the best visuals in any movie I’ve seen - fitting for a feature with so much to say about the beauty of life - and an ending that as much pulls the rug out from under you as it does pull you out of the dark and make you realise just how lonely you’ve felt.

Bones (2001) - 2/10

Snoop Dogg is Jimmy Bones! This film is super funny but I��m not sure it’s trying to be and I really didn’t love it overall. But I do talk more in depth about it in episode 41 of the podcast.

The Duchess (2008) - 5/10

Another recommendation for the podcast. The Duchess was pretty much exactly what I thought it was going to be and there’s a lot to like about it but generally it’s a bit sparse. For more chat on the movie, listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) - 1/10

This was another one for the podcast and man, was it awful. We had to watch it at 1.5x speed towards the end because it just wasn’t getting finished otherwise. To find out more, make sure to listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Emperor’s New Groove (2000) - 7/10

Pull the lever, Kronk! Haha! Slays me. I do quite miss this era of Disney, where the animation was hand-drawn and the stories were actually compelling and funny. The Emperor’s New Groove is vibrant, it’s got great characters and memorable moments that will forever be ingrained in the memory of culture. All in all, it’s just a solid flick that doesn’t waste time, developing the standard fall from glory type of arc but smoothly and in an entertaining way.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - 8/10

Oh, bloody hell! They actually made a good one! The Suicide Squad is not only better than the ‘Suicide Squad’ of 2016 in every way, it’s a genuinely great film! This time, James Gunn (director of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies) is at the helm and it seems clear that Warner Bros. basically let him do what he wanted with the movie, as it doesn’t seem to bog itself down with the restrictions of a more family-friendly rating. The result of this is a far cleaner, colourful film with a clearer vision that takes from early Vietnam movies and uses that style to craft a superhero/villain movie that differentiates itself among the copious amount of existing films of the genre. The Suicide Squad wastes very little time, introducing fun, crazy characters we’ve not seen on the big screen before and isn’t worried about killing a whole bunch of them, with standouts being Elba’s Bloodsport, Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2, Stallone’s King Shark (expertly rendered with fantastic visual effects), and Robbie’s returning interpretation of Harley Quinn. A lot of Gunn’s trademark sense of humour is laced throughout and more often than not, it hits. The audience at the cinema were truly loving this movie and I’ll admit, I was right there with them. This mix of the gritty, gory and absurd is not something that should work as well as it does but the basic premise of the film is already so silly (and boy, do they know it) that it just works! Certainly one of the best DC movies since The Dark Knight and one I’d be more than happy to watch again. This is what the modern comic book movie should be: just balls to the wall fun!

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vidavalor · 3 years ago

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"You're my favorite" is a dialogue callback & a major hint as to what's up with Mobius

Let's talk about Mobius, Ravonna, the drink rings, the pen, the trophies, and "you're my favorite" because I don't think the clues are leading towards Mobius being a villain or a clone or a Loki... but they are leading towards him being a lot more *like* Loki than maybe we realized at the start... meta/analysis under the cut

Mobius is not a villain. The set of scenes meant to really underline this fact are when we see him sneak off to the library with Ravonna's Tempad to watch the Hunter C-20 video and see for himself that his suspicions that Loki was right about the agents being variants is true. If he were a villain, he would have already known this. That said... there are some clues that there *is* something that Mobius already knew and let's look at what those clues are and just what Mobius may be up to.

Mobius is something that Ravonna and the TVA need-- he's smart, inquisitive and a good leader. Their problem with that is he is smart, inquisitive and a good leader. That makes him a bit dangerous should he get too close to the truth. Other agents love him and might be more likely to follow him if he told them they were being lied to so that can't ever happen. On the other hand, it's far easier to "fix" someone that's broken by TVA definition than to just outright destroy it because good analysts don't grow on trees. That other agent who collected the other half of the trophies in Ravonna's office? The one who left drink rings on her table that overlap (in a Mobius loop-like pattern) with Mobius' own? That was the dude whose name is literally his name *twice over*-- Mobius himself. That is why there is no other analyst for Mobius to have ever bumped into in the hallway or been introduced to. Now, think about how Mobius must have thought about this other analyst. Like, a *lot*...

Mobius likes his puzzle and his ears are sharp, too. He brings up the other analyst to Ravonna in conversation, keeping it light, to watch what she says about this person. The more vague she is, the more he realizes that what he's beginning to suspect is likely true. He jokes with her to cover up that he's beginning to understand what's happened and what does he say? He jokes that he hopes that he's her *favorite*, a line of dialogue that he uses when hugging Loki and looking at another version of Loki in Sylvie. What does this mean? It means that while Mobius didn't know that all the agents are variants who were kidnapped from their timelines until Loki told him-- and we know that's the case because we saw him steal Ravonna's Temppad to watch the proof of it that he needed to see for it to be true, even if it was clear that he believed Loki when he was told of it-- Mobius *did* know something already at the start of the show: he knew that he had been reset.

He knew he was not the first version of Mobius that had existed.

That first version was the man he couldn't remember, who had gone on other TVA missions and collected half the stuff in Ravonna's office and had whole other conversations with her where he left other drink rings and that person was just gone now to him. This? Is one of the reasons why he's so empathetic towards Loki and bends over backwards so much to give Loki another chance at being the person he wants to be-- because Mobius himself has been doing that too, in secret. He probably blames Ravonna more than the TVA as a whole at that point-- he turns on the TVA more after he discovers that the agents are all variants-- but it's also why he's willing to take more risks and do things like bring Loki in to help because he identifies with him. Mobius has figured out that he was Ravonna's other agent but he knows that if he ever said that aloud or led Ravonna to think that he had realized it, she would reset him again or prune him and Mobius doesn't want to die. Ravonna tests him frequently with that pen, in particular-- it's either tied to who Mobius was in his timeline or it's something he brought back from before he was reset. She's looking for any signs that Mobius has remembered any of the resetting or any of his life from before. Mobius pretends that he doesn't but he does remember who he was before he was reset into who he is now-- at least enough to know that he was reset in the first place.

Another clue to this? When he rescues Loki from the judge in the courtroom, he's saving him from undergoing the same fate he previously did. There are only two options that we saw-- don't take a ticket (and so prove that you are not pliable and of no use to the TVA) and you get pruned to The Void. Take a ticket (and so prove that you have potential to follow orders) and the judge sentences you and then you get "reset"-- have your memories wiped & be turned into a TVA agent. That was about to happen to Loki when Mobius ran in but look at what Mobius said to him about it. Loki asked if he was taking him somewhere to kill him and Mobius said no, that that's where Loki just was. But think about that for a second-- it was clear that Loki had passed enough of the ticket test that he wasn't going to get pruned to The Void.

If Mobius at that point thought, like most do, that pruning = death, then Mobius would know that Loki had already saved himself from that by taking the ticket. So what is the "death" that Loki would have faced instead, if Mobius hadn't saved him? Mobius knows now what it is because he knows it happened to him before. He saved Loki from having his memory wiped and this version of himself from being killed by the TVA. Just as he's giving Loki another chance to embrace the moment and be whoever he wants to be, Mobius is also trying to do the same thing for himself. Whoever he was is gone now, in some ways, and Mobius can't even remember the missions he went on before, the trophies he brought back to the woman who killed who he was before and made him yet another version of himself. He struggles with what it is to be *him*-- an individual in the midst of similar copies-- and to have an identity of his own... just like Loki does.

Then, Loki uncovers the truth about the TVA from Sylvie and tells Mobius that all the analysts are variants-- that they were people kidnapped from their timelines to serve in the TVA-- and while Mobius does seek out the proof (and I think he also just is trying to figure out what happened to poor C-20, now realizing that she knew before the rest of them did), he believes Loki enough to seek out that proof. He instantly doesn't trust Ravonna. For a man who has spent his whole life (as far as he knows) in service to the TVA and its mission, it's a huge leap, even if he suspects Loki to be correct. The reason why he believed him so readily is because he already had reason to distrust Ravonna and the TVA brass because he already had figured out that he had been reset.

It's also possible that B-15 was also reset alongside Mobius, namely because she works with him all the time and might begin to notice that he wasn't remembering their previous missions. If there is anybody in the TVA that Mobius might have told about his suspicions that he was reset, it might be her and she could have been helping him. (For instance, who is it that tells Loki that he *has to take a ticket* in no uncertain terms? Why does B-15 care if he does or doesn't? What was it to her if they pruned Loki at that point? He was just another variant. Unless Mobius, whom she trusts and is her friend, told her to do everything she could to keep Loki alive in there long enough for him to get there.) So, there's a slight possibility that B-15 knows she and Mobius were reset but I also think he probably didn't tell anybody and if B-15 was helping Loki in the courtroom, it was just because Mobius asked her to.

Which means that Mobius has been wanting to fuck with the TVA a bit-- or at least annoy Ravonna-- for awhile, hence his willingness to go traipse around with Loki. His whole of the word "favorite" though is more loaded than it seems. When he says it with Ravonna, it's a dry joke only he really gets. He's flirty, he's joking with her that he hopes that she likes him more than this other analyst guy who is bringing back these other trophies for her. He makes it sound like a romantic rivalry between him and her other time-hopping Indiana Jones. Mobius at this point *knows that other analyst is himself* when he's saying this but he can't let her know that he knows, so he pretends it's a whole other person, and not a previous sense of himself that she has tried to erase and reset into a version of himself that he wants. Worse, Ravonna *never answers him*-- she never tells Mobius that he is her favorite. She talks about their friendship being uncommon and keeps trying to gaslight Mobius into believing that they have a thing between them that is exclusive to them when Mobius knows damn right well that she had him mind-murdered and he can't trust her. So, even this reset version of Mobius gets the run-around from cold fish Ravonna.

So, when Mobius is then in a moment where he's saying goodbye to the god he loves who is on a paralleling journey to his own, in terms of trying to be the best version of himself he can be with the single chance he has left, he says "you're my favorite" in such a way that while he is saying it, in a whisper, to the Loki in his arms, he's looking at Sylvie when he says it and that's intentional. He respects Sylvie, whose end goal isn't to do harm so much as to free the imprisoned and whose determination to that end is freeing Mobius more than he had previously thought possible, and he loves Loki-- and he's determined to not have them feel what he feels with Ravonna. He wants them to know they are both good as they are, that they can be their own selves and don't need to be more than just the best versions of themselves that they can be. Ravonna makes multiple copies of Mobius and tries to strip him of his sense of self and he's been fighting back quietly, recognizing the same type of fight in all of the Lokis that he meets, taking in their various issues with stride because he just admires all of it and feels a kinship to it. Telling Loki and Sylvie "you're my favorite" is a way of giving them what he hasn't had for himself, which is a sense that he's fine the way he is and he's loved and enough and who he is as a person-- the same traits that make him a good agent-- are not inherently subversive in a bad way or wrong... and if you read that last sentence and realized that Loki is then the perfect person to love Mobius, I agree. :)

#lokius #agent mobius #mobius #loki series #loki speculation #loki (marvel)

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imthepunchlord · 3 years ago

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My vote goes towards Scarabella and Boombay as well as Ninette and Kagalya. For the hero setup, I like the idea of Alya being the one on the receiving end of canon’s “lessons” and Tikki’s means of calling her out since, as you said, she’s the one who needs it the most out of the two, and I’d really just like to see her get a building reality check on what being a forefront hero really means and how to truly value what others’ opinions are from the get-go, since it would definitely take longer with Plagg and the Cat Miraculous. And her plans in battle not always working perfectly would show her that she’s not always right quicker with public consequences, while her already-present aggressiveness is still needed for battle in a situation where taking your time building it up isn’t really desirable given the current magical terrorist situation. On Nino’s end, having the Cat gives him the space to actually grow in aggressive combat since he’s not at the forefront, and I’d argue that having a more careful and protective use of Cataclysm at first would actually be a good thing, especially seeing how callously it gets used in canon in various degrees. And I like the idea of him and Plagg butting heads sometimes, especially since the relationship would still be amicable in the end and bring out more of Nino’s responsible and active tendencies to push back against Plagg’s antics. Concerning Kagalya and Ninette, I would love to see these rare pairs being written cohesively in a drawn out story, the former for multiple missed opportunities of those two interacting in any meaningful way in canon and the multiple ways their strong personalities can play off of each other, and the latter because we never actually got to see Nino’s crush explored in favor of the LS or DjWifi, and it would be interesting to see how their canon personalities would play off of each other in an official relationship. And speaking of DjWifi, while I definitely trust that you would be able to make it work without making either of them OOC, the canon tendency of Alya driving the whole relationship, for better or worse, Nino’s moments of going off and doing his own thing or jumping to conclusions behind her back/without consulting her, and the whole premise that whoever holds the Ladybug and the Cat Miraculous always end up together romantically have really just created an admittedly bitter taste in my mouth for them being a couple, ESPECIALLY in a universe where they have the Ladybug and Cat, and I’d rather see a genuine friendship and partnership form between them on both sides of the mask.

Thank you for the input!

For the last bit with DJWifi, I can totally relate. In terms of characterization they seem to get worse. Nino sadly became even less of a character and Alya's whole world seemed to be Nino and getting Adrienette to happen. She was barely even pursuing LB anymore (which made Anansi feel late as she wasn't doing this as often).

I will say, I have slight bias against them, but even s1 days, I wasn't relaly for them and Animan didn't help in that manor as they felt just shoved together with no proper development or growth. I think I could've been won over but not with how canon went about it. I'll admit I've always leaned more for Alya with another girl than a guy in truth.

And yeah, these days, the idea of LB and Cat always being a romantic soulmate pair, given the situation these days, it can easily leave a sour taste in one's mouth. I'm also joining the idea of soulmates being made not something that's set upon birth.

Soulmates can become official with work and dedication, and I like the idea that there's potential for soulmates in others than just one specific person. And I'd love to explore platonic soulmates as nonromantic relationships are just as important. Sadly they don't get as much attention as they should.

Either way! Thank you for your input!

#ask Punchie #fortune favors the brave #so far Ninette is in the lead pairing wise #everyone so far wants Ninette and I am here for it

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immaturityofthomasastruc · 4 years ago

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IOTA Reviews: Miraculous World: New York - United HeroeZ

So... with the recent announcement that Seasons 4 and 5 of Miraculous Ladybug will air on Disney+, with one episode set to air around March 27th (and it's out of order because of course it is), I figured I would try something new with this blog.

While I'm sure Astruc will be more active while the new season is airing, I figured I'd take a stab at reviewing new episodes of Miraculous Ladybug when they come out, as I already have a Disney+ account that I only really use to watch Star Wars and other Disney Channel cartoons I've never seen before. Well, that and the gloriousness that is Mech-X4.

And I was thinking that since a certain special is already available on Disney+, I'll review it now. Consider it my, uh...

279 Follower Special. Yeah, that’s it.

Miraculous World: New York – United Heroez is the first in a series of Miraculous Ladybug specials with the premise of having our heroes travel around the world. Because I guess that's what you do with your show when you run out of ideas for things your characters can do. Just ask Ash Ketchum and Thomas the Tank Engine.

The special is somewhat polarizing among the fandom, with some loving it, and some hating it. If you've seen some of my earlier posts, you probably already know how I feel about this.

Anyway, let's take a look at Miraculous World: New York – United Heroez

We start off with a logo letting us know this is going to be the start of a series of specials called Miraculous World.

Yeah, I'm sure that'll be remembered among other great cinematic universes like the Dark Universe and Ghost Corps.

In all seriousness, this is actually a pretty decent opening. It has some nice visuals that inform the audience of the globetrotting gimmick seen in the special, and the orchestral cover of the Miraculous Ladybug theme sounds pretty badass.

The special truly starts off in the middle of an Akuma fight, where we see that Mr. Pigeon is taking inspiration from Startrain's plan to escape to the one place that hasn't been corrupted by capitalism... SPACE! Apparently, this is the 51st time that Ladybug and Cat Noir have fought him, which makes you wonder if Hawkmoth is either running out of ideas, or if he just wants to see how insane Mr. Pigeon's plans can get for the hell of it.

Ladybug and Cat Noir transform into their new space forms that they've obviously had for a while, given Alya's familiarity with their names... even though those forms probably would have been useful when they were fighting Startrain. And this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of things this special retcons.

We get a few interactions between Ladybug and Cat Noir to give new viewers an idea of what the Love Square dynamic is like, with Cat Noir fawning over Ladybug after she leaves, and Marinette gushing over a new poster Adrien is in. I'll get back to this later,

After that, we see a brief clip from a student film teaching the audience about the real life friendship between George Washington and Marquis de Lafayette (the latter actually becoming one of Washington's close advisors during the Revolutionary War), and how it lead to the completely made up, “French American Friendship week”, which is basically an excuse for Marinette and Adrien's class to go to New York for a week.

Their teacher, Ms. Bustier isn't going with them because she's having a baby (God help us if the writers resort to pregnancy jokes next season), so the only other teacher in the school, Ms. Mendeleiev, will be supervising the class instead.

Adrien isn't able to go to New York because his father won't let him, and even he lampshades how predictable this is. But as soon as Lila suggests spending time with Adrien, Marinette immediately declares she will try to get Adrien to come on the trip with everyone, because he's her friend... and then Alya mocks her for saying that in the very next scene.

And here is the first problem with this special: The way Marinette's crush on Adrien is portrayed.

We're supposed to see Marinette as being in denial about her feelings for Adrien, but when you think about how Season 3 ended with Marinette realizing Adrien and Kagami (who will make an appearance in this special later on) are happy together, it makes sense that she wants to do this. She wants to move on from her crush on Adrien and try to be friends with him.

Unfortunately, her “best friend” Alya isn't willing to let her move on, which is extremely hypocritical when you remember how often she teased her for her behavior around Adrien, to the point where her other “friends” made bets about Marinette's hesitance to confess to him (Cat Blanc). Does she even know about Adrien and Kagami?

And throughout this special, rather than acknowledge Marinette's decision to move on, she constantly teases Marinette about how she still has feelings for Adrien, instead of simply leaving her alone. She reaches salt fic levels of unlikable in this special.

It doesn't help that Marinette's anxiety around Adrien is cranked up to twelve in this special, with her constantly stammering, or fidgeting around to the point where she struggles to get through a door. Twice. And as always, this behavior is only going to be played for laughs, because the showrunners are running out of ways to make Marinette suffer for comedy. And it only gets worse from here.

While watching a news report about a necklace and sabre George Washington had given to him by Lafyette, Nathalie, bedridden from the events of the season finale, tells Gabriel that the necklace in question is actually a lost Miraculous.

And as soon as Marinette arrives, Gabriel tells her that he's going to let Adrien go on the trip. His reason?

Gabriel: Letting Adrien go to New York will be simpler than hiding my absence here from him. Besides, this will allow me to continue keeping an eye on him.

Yeah, he seriously thinks it's a good idea to send his son to the same place he's planning to attack as part of one of his plans. At least you could make the argument that whenever Adrien is endangered during an Akuma attack, he's simply caught in the crossfire because he's in the wrong place at the wrong time, like with “Style Queen”. Here, Gabriel is intentionally letting Adrien go to New York, while claiming that he will be able to monitor him while he plots to attack the city. This is like if Grand Moff Tarkin let his son go to Alderaan for vacation. And again, it only gets worse from here.

Though Gabriel waits a day to tell Adrien he's going to New York, because of he did, we wouldn't get any scenes of Adrien moping around about how much his life sucks. Well, that and a scene of him and Kagami, where the latter kisses him. This is Kagami's only scene in the special, and she isn't mentioned again after this.

As Ladybug, Marinette tells Cat Noir she's going away for a few days and trusts him to guard Paris as long as he alerts her of an Akuma or Sentimonster. What will happen to the Miracle Box Marinette inherited from Former Master In Name Only Fu is never explained.

To Adrien's credit, it's Plagg that convinces him to go on the trip even though Ladybug trusted him, and even then, it takes a little bit to convince Adrien, showing he still takes his job seriously, with him coming up with a plan in case an Akuma attacks. It's not perfect, but it's something. That all goes to hell later on, though.

We then see Gabriel once again talking to Emilie's corpse about his plan.

Gabriel: Blah, blah, blah, Emilie. Blah, blah, blah, blah, I'll get Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous this time for sure. Blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm such a good father and sympathetic villain.

Oh, sorry. That's how I hear most of his monologues to Emilie these days. My bad.

The next scene features something I bet you've never seen before, Marinette being late for something. Thankfully, Luka gives her a ride to help her catch up, hoping that the trip will “give her some clarity”, most likely referring to her conflicting emotions. Marinette then kisses Luka goodbye and gets on the bus. This is Luka's only scene in the special, and he isn't mentioned again after this.

On the plane, it turns out that Adrien is conveniently sitting next to Marinette, prompting Alya to tease Marinette yet again while making this face.

Alya: (smirking and talking in a very smug tone of voice) Awesome, Marinette! Go and sit next to your “friend”! So you two can enjoy a nice flight together! A very long flight.

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Alya continues to relentlessly tease Marinette and makes fun of her crush for no real reason, suggesting Marinette get off the plane because “New York is the most romantic city in the world after Paris”. And this gives her a goddamn panic attack where she frantically tries to run off the plane. Remember kids, if someone has some kind of anxiety or social awkwardness, it's perfectly fine to tease and make fun of their behavior, and even exploit it for your own amusement.

And after some unfunny hilarious slapstick involving Marinette on the plane, Alya continues her streak of treating Marinette like her plaything.

Nino: If only this trip could help Adrien finally come out of his shell.

Alya: And if only it could help Marinette be more honest with herself and clearer about her feelings!

Nino: Operation New York?

Alya: Operation New York!

Nino: Let's help them loosen up!

Alya: After all, isn't the United States the land of the free?

Well, the only thing you actually got right about America is forcing others to do things they don't want to do. Just ask the Native Americans.

It's scenes like this why Alya is portrayed so negatively in salt fics. And this happens throughout the special. Now, while I'm not really a drinker, I'm guessing there's at least one person reading this post right now who is. So I have a little idea for a game. Every time Alya acts like a terrible friend to Marinette, take a shot. I'd just have a donor ready in case one of your kidneys gives up on you.

After an admittedly nice scene of Adrien thanking Marinette for convincing his father to let him come (undercut by Marinette creepily commenting on Adrien's cologne as they hug), another problem with this special rears its ugly head, as a man with oddly-colored skin arrives on one of the plane's wings.

Alya: Oh, no! That's Techno-Pirate, the supervillain who steals technology!

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Yeah. This is happening. The special is just casually introducing this new supervillain, Techno-Pirate as well as some other superheroes, neither of which had any buildup before, not even a throwaway line They're just here now.

So some of the American superheroes are to save the day, now, I guess. Majestia, the Superman knockoff, helps steer the plane back into position, her robotic daughter, Uncanny Valley, helps fix the plane's broken wing, while Knightowl and Sparrow, the Batman and Robin knockoffs, deal with Techno-Pirate. And everyone just treats this like a regular occurrence.

Marinette: Wow! That all happened so fast! I didn't have time to transform or help out!

Adrien: Good thing the American superheroes were here. I couldn't have transformed here. I'm supposed to be in Paris!

Plagg: Relax, Adrien! Let the local superheroes handle their own problems.

I have so many problems with this plot development. Just how common is the knowledge that there are other superheroes besides Ladybug and Cat Noir in other countries? How have they never been mentioned until now? Why is everyone just accepting the fact that there are other superheroes?

I get that these characters weren't conceived around the time the show started, but the way they're just thrown into the story is just so confusing and does so many things to hurt the narrative instead of helping it. In other episodes, Majestia and Knightowl were only seen in comic books, and Ladybug and Cat Noir were seen as the only heroes in the world because the world itself was fairly down to earth, barring some more advanced technology (the police's weapons in “Origins”, Hawkmoth's lair, Max's robot, Markov, the space dumpsters in “Reverser”, and the AI in Startrain).

The fact that New York is apparently filled with all kinds of superheroes for very mundane things like directing traffic and selling hot dogs just makes the Miraculous seem less important. If there was more work done to better integrate them into the story, like maybe making them an American secret or something, it could have worked. To quote a character voiced by Jason Lee...

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And the sad thing was that Power Rangers was able to pull something like this off far better in 1995. During the third season of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Master Vile had successfully reversed the Earth's rotation, turning the Power Rangers into children (yes, it runs on Superman logic, just go with it). Because of this, the Rangers are unable to morph, with the villains free to attack the city. In response, Zordon sends out a distress call to another team of Power Rangers from the planet Aquitar.

Now I know what you're thinking. If Zordon had the ability to contact another team of Power Rangers for help, why did it take him so long to do so? The episode immediately answers the question by pointing out that Aquitar is a planet made entirely of water, so it's incredibly dangerous for them to head to a planet like Earth, making their intervention a last resort. And even after they come, a major plot thread is finding ways to keep the Alien Rangers hydrated, which only gets worse when the Alien Rangers' enemy, Hydro Hog, arrives to drain Earth's water while teaming up with the main villains.

The integration of the Alien Rangers into the story generally feels natural, and there is a clear explanation as to why they haven't joined the battle until now, and even then, still place some hurdles for them to overcome. Here, the special just wants the audience to immediately accept the fact that there are hundreds of superheroes in New York.

So as Marinette and Adrien's class arrives in New York, we see Sparrow watching over them, referring to them as “the little croissants”. That's another thing the special gets right about America: casually making racist comments.

Uncanny Valley's civilian form, Aeon, sees Marinette and Adrien, and, of course, she says that they're “made for each other”. If only the writers actually bothered to give us evidence of that fact that everyone loves to say for some reason. Though we do get the only instance of sanity regarding the Love Square in this special, where Sparrow's civilian form, Jess, calls out Aeon for thinking of getting them together.

Aeon: Those two are made for each other.

Jess: Seriously, Aeon? Not again!

Aeon: But I am programmed to help people, Jess!

Jess: Just stop meddling with people's private lives!

Also, I had already mentioned the unfortunate implications of Aeon being programmed to “help people” in an earlier post, but I still want to reiterate that I don't think any of that was intentional at all, and I definitely don't think a single writer on this show is actually racist. Everyone got that? Okay, moving on.

Jess and Aeon are assigned to watch over the Parisian students while they sneak out to a party on the rooftop of the hotel they're staying at, where they meet another superhero, Hot Dog Dan. He gives random people magical hot dogs that give them temporary superpowers. Marinette and Adrien share one, and they both start flying before Adrien offers to slow dance with Marinette.

Okay... It's clear they they're trying to reference an earlier episode, “Despair Bear”, by having Marinette and Adrien dance to the same song they danced to in that episode. The problem is that the context isn't right.

Adrien is dating Kagami, and he's offering to do this... why? What makes him so interested in Marinette all of a sudden? I get that he doesn't realize Marinette has feelings for him, but if someone says they only see you as a friend, do you offer to slow dance with them? Especially if their reaction to your offer is recoiling in fear?

I'm sorry, writers, but you can't try to recreate some of the magic you had in earlier episodes with Adrienette when you have clearly established Lukanette and Adrigami as official relationships at the moment. And don't give me any of that “that's not the point of the special” crap. The season finale showed Marinette and Adrien getting together with Luka and Kagami respectively, so it's natural that a lot of people were looking forward to seeing how they worked as couples. I'll get back to this point later on.

Meanwhile, Gabriel has made his way to New York, and decides to akumatize the arrested Techno-Pirate into Technolizer, asking him to steal Lafyette's sabre from the museum instead of the necklace.

Back to the museum, Alya and Nino decide to send Marinette and Adrien into a room alone where they're locked in and attacked by the supervillain Solutide...'s hologram, which was all part of Jess and Aeon's plan. In a city where there is a superhero and supervillain on every street. They seriously planned on giving Marinette and Adrien a near-death experience to get them to realize their love for each other.

That's... pretty fucking demented.

What if Marinette and Adrien did something reckless in their attempt to escape? They could have seriously gotten hurt. Hell, what if the scare gave either of them a heart attack? And let's say either of them found out what the plan was (which would be pretty easy, given “Solitude” is a hologram). Do you think either of them would be happy with Alya and Nino, even if they confessed their love for each other? And none of them even think to apologize for what they did, and this scene is never mentioned again. To quote a certain internet reviewer. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?

Though to be fair, the scene before was the only scene where Alya gets to use a brain cell in this special by pointing how wrong that plan is... for a second before she goes along with it. So close, Alya. So close...

So after Adrien gets a news report revealing that Robustus is attacking Paris (even though Markov is with them in New York), while Marinette isn't contacted by Cat Noir. The situation only gets worse when Technolizer attacks, getting the sabre in the process.

Sparrow and Uncanny Valley try to fight him off, but are quickly overwhelmed, with some of the latter's technology getting stolen by Technolizer. Marinette and Adrien transform and help out the two heroes, naturally being confused by the other's presence.

But while the four heroes chase after Technolizer, Hawkmoth shows competence for once and steals the necklace in the process, while revealing that the Robustus attacking Paris was actually a Sentimonster created by Mayura.

During the fight, rather than focusing on stopping the already dangerous supervillain powered up by Hawkmoth, Ladybug decides to trash talk Cat Noir instead. I get that she's angry at him for not following through on his promise, but can't she wait until after the fight?

Ladybug: (mockigly) “Just go and rest easy! Yeah, leave Paris with me!”

Cat Noir: I-I didn't know I was going to leave! It was a last-minute decision, that's all!

Ladybug: Do you realize that because of you, there's no one in Paris to protect the city?! Why didn't you tell me that you were leaving?!

Cat Noir: I was afraid you'd get angry!

Ladybug: And you were right, because as you can see, I AM angry!

To quote our recently inaugurated president, will you shut up, man? People say I'm too harsh on Cat Noir for the way he acted during episodes like “Syren”, but this is basically the same thing. Ladybug is prioritizing her own feelings over stopping Technolizer. Yes, she has a right to be angry at Cat Noir, but all she has to do is wait until after the battle to chew him out.

And during the battle, Ladybug outright says she can't trust Cat Noir anymore, making the latter flinch, so Technolizer throws him into Uncanny Valley with his Cataclysm activated, killing her.

In her anger, Majestia punches Technolizer through several buildings before Hawkmoth recalls the Akuma inside him before helping the villain get away. Ladybug casts her Miraculous Ladybug, fixing Uncanny Valley, but that's not enough. Knightowl is pissed, and orders Ladybug and Cat Noir to hand over their Miraculous, not listening to why they're so important, so the two run away.

To make things worse, the two find out about Hawkmoth's plan, and Ladybug explains she can only use Miraculous Ladybug to fix damage caused by a specific villain, and since the Sentimonster is gone, she can't do anything.

In his grief, Cat Noir admits that everything that happened is his fault, so he renounces Plagg and hands over his Miraculous to Ladybug before running away.

So... this scene.

This. Scene.

Where. Do I. Begin?

First of all, this is what causes Ladybug to lose trust in Cat Noir? Not the multiple times he disobeyed her orders because of his own personal feelings? Not the constant flirting and unwanted advances even though she's made it clear she doesn't see him that way? Not the time he trusted an evil doppelganger of Ladybug over the real one? It's this? Cat Noir leaving Paris alone while a Sentimonster attacked?

Okay, let's say that Cat Noir decided to stay in Paris after all. What was he supposed to do when Robustus attacked around the same time as Technolizer? What was Ladybug supposed to do when she found out about Robustus in Paris? Was she supposed to abandon New York and head back there or focus on helping the American heroes?

Second, who does Knightowl think she (yeah, she's a woman, I'll get to that in a bit) is ordering Ladybug and Cat Noir to hand over their Miraculous? What authority does she hold over them? Why should they listen to her? Why can't they simply explain why their Miraculous are so important, and that they can't give them up? Why doesn't Ladybug just explain that she's now the Guardian of the Miraculous? In fact, why does Majestia go along with the order? Ladybug still saved her daughter's life! If anything, she should be sticking up for the two.

There's actually a Superman comic where Captain Marvel storms a police station to interrogate a criminal who killed his best friend so he can find out who hired him. Though he comes close to doing it, Captain Marvel ultimately doesn't kill the criminal's boss, but still flies over to Mount Everest to grieve his friend's death.

Enter Superman, planning to call out Captain Marvel, but instead, he sees him crying. He explains that the boy killed was his best friend before revealing his identity as Billy Batson. Superman's response?

He goes to the wizard Shazam and demands to know why he did this to Billy, furious that a child was forced to go through stuff like that. While Shazam can't take back the powers he gave Billy, he encourages Superman to reach out to Billy, leading to him revealing his identity as Clark Kent to the kid.

I'm not saying that Majestia or Knightowl should have called out Master Fu or ask who made Ladybug the Guardian (as awesome as that would have been), but the point I am trying to make is in that comic, Superman made the effort to understand what Billy had been through, and understood what happened. Majestia and Knightowl made no effort to do anything like that. In fact, they never even knew Hawkmoth existed, which I call bullcrap on, given that he once MOVED THE PLANET AWAY FROM ITS ORBIT. Were you all asleep that day? Why didn't you do anything to help Ladybug and Cat Noir fight Hawkmoth? Were you expecting them to just fight this magical terrorist on their own? They don't have the same support system the American heroes have, and they could really use the help.

And third, Cat Noir. Yeah, just because I'm calling out Ladybug doesn't mean Cat Noir isn't taking any heat either. Again, I have to ask, this is what makes him give up? Keep in mind, when he was Aspik in “Desperada” and saw Ladybug get captured by an Akuma, he reversed time 25,913 times to try and save her before he threw in the towel. At the same time, he was willing to quit in “Syren” because he claimed Ladybug didn't trust him. The level of Adrien's willingness to keep going is incredibly inconsistent, and this doesn't really help his reputation as a character.

And then there's the fact that he's bailing on Ladybug when things are at their absolute worst. Yes, Marinette also briefly gave up in “Origins”, but that was after her first battle, and she was overwhelmed by her screw-up endangering countless lives in Paris in addition to being a nervous wreck even before she got her Miraculous. But here's the difference: She took responsibility. She realized people were in danger, so she jumped into action to save Alya and Cat Noir. Even then, she acknowledged her failure and felt unsure of herself, with Cat Noir helping to reassure her, showing the emotional support their partnership has.

Adrien, who has been a superhero for months, and has faced some pretty stressful situations, as soon as things head south, he immediately gives up and leaves Ladybug to fend for herself while two separate cities are in danger. And he knows that she has no other allies, because Master Fu ran away at the end of the last season, and Miracle Queen exposed the identities of the other temporary heroes. She has nobody to go to for help. He doesn't even show Ladybug her civilian form to apologize, just so he can't get any flak in his regular life. He just gives Ladybug his ring, and literally runs away.

A wise man once said “With great power, there must also come great responsibility.” Adrien has shown no responsibility at ALL in this special, barring the one moment I mentioned earlier.

It's nothing more than a forced emotional moment that has no buildup. This is basically the same with basically every time Miraculous Ladybug tries to be emotional. The writers think that despite never really having any tension or character arcs in their story, they can just have their characters cry out of nowhere, and suddenly, it's a deep moment? That's not how writing works, idiots!

Back at the hotel, Jess and Aeon are getting chewed out by their mothers (Who are the civilian identities of Majestia and Knightowl), and have a conversation about being superheroes... less than a few feet away from the French students. Though at least Barbara, the civilian form of Knightowl (again, I'll get to that later) calls out Aeon and Jess for their stupid “fake supervillain plan”, so there's that I guess.

So we cut to a press conference where the President of the United States, Camilla Hombee (An anagram of Michelle Obama's name, because Astruc has made it clear what his political views are) advises everyone to stay inside while Techno-Pirate is still an active threat. Why does this seem so familiar? And then she... transforms into a superhero too.

Oh, for the love of-- THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS A SUPERHERO?! The person in charge of the country and relations with foreign nations is a superhero too?! If she's the president, why didn't she do anything to stop Hawkmoth?! I get that America doesn't really care about news from other countries outside of America, but you would think that the frickin president, WHO IS A SUPERHERO, would at least acknowledge the existence of a supervillain in Paris as a threat!

GOD, this is stupid! And it only gets worse...

Gabriel sends a car to pick up Adrien, realizing the city was too dangerous (I still don't get the point of sending him here in the first place), causing him to tearfully say that he “wouldn't have minded being stuck here a little longer with a friend like her” before leaving. And then Alya...

Alya: What is wrong with you, Marinette?! Couldn't you see that he was just waiting for you to tell him to stay?!

Marinette: What-? But I...? He...? He made his choice. What did you expect me to do?

Alya: It doesn't matter what I expected you to do! Who's Adrien to you?! A friend or more than a friend?! There will never be a better time to be clear with yourself, Marinette! Do you want him to leave or do you want him to stay?!

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NO. You do not have the right to say ANY of that! It doesn't matter what YOU expected Marinette to do? This whole special, you've been teasing her about her feelings for Adrien, and forcing her into uncomfortable situations with him all because you want your OTP to be a thing. And now you're saying Marinette had a choice the whole time? Marinette expected herself to get over Adrien and start to see him as a friend, AND YOU WOULDN'T LET HER DO THAT! For three seasons, Alya has made fun of Marinette's crush on Adrien, while at the same time, has constantly pushed her into situations where she was clearly uncomfortable around him to the point where she discouraged Marinette for trying to move on in a previous episode (Frozer). And then in this special, she trapped them in a room with a fake supervillain (which is this world's equivalent to pretending to be a terrorist) just to get them to confess their feelings for each other. AND THE WHOLE TIME, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MARINETTE'S CHOICE???

If Obilvio didn't make me stop caring about Alya, this was the moment that actually me despise her.

And the worst part? The narrative frames her as being right. This is somehow enough for Marinette to run out in the pouring rain while a supervillain is lose in New York, with nobody even trying to stop her, to chase after Adrien's car, where she tearfully confesses that she still loves him after the car gets away.

What is the point of this exactly? We already knew Marinette liked Adrien last season, her nonexistent character arc was learning to get over him, and now she's supposed to learn she's still interested in him? What about Luka? Are we just going to ignore Luka? What about the fact that Kagami is already in a relationship with Adrien? None of these questions are never explained.

Gabriel finds the lost Miraculous, the Eagle Miraculous, which represents Freedom, and gives it to Techno-Pirate, turning him into Miraclonizer. Using the Eagle Miraculous' power, Liberation, he can undo any mental boundaries someone has, but since he's using it for evil, it basically drives several heroes crazy without their own moral codes. And while I claimed it was an original power in one of my earlier posts, the more I think about it, Liberation is really just a different version of Reverser's airplanes. All they did was just phrase the explanation a different way.

So despite being a city full of superheroes, Miraclonizer manages to drive every hero crazy in a matter of minutes, with the exception of Jess and Aeon. So do none of the other heroes have sidekicks? Is there not even a Young Justice or Teen Titans-esque team in this city? I'm just saying, if they have a hot dog superhero, there should be at least more than two sidekicks in New York.

Aeon goes to search out Ladybug and Cat Noir, and because of some technobabble stuff, Aeon can easily figure out their identities. Again, this was something I already talked about in an earlier post, so I won't harp on this scene. It's a dumb retcon in a special full of dumb retcons, what else can I say?

So Aeon goes to find Adrien on his private plane to give him back his Miraculous... even though wouldn't it make more sense for Aeon to use it instead to save time? I didn't mention this, but right before this scene, Majestia was pushing the moon towards the Earth. Time is kind of the essence here. It also would have saved us more of Adrien's whining.

Uncanny Valley: Cat Noir, New York and Ladybug need you!

Adrien: (looks at where his ring used to be) I'm no longer Cat Noir.

Uncanny Valley: To err is human, apparently!

Adrien: My mistakes are unforgivable. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment in her eyes.

“i'M sO tOrTuReD. fEeL bAd FoR mE, dAmNiT!”

Cut it out with Angstdrien Depreste already, writers. It's gotten old.

And despite making a big deal about how much he failed Ladybug, he immediately jumps back into action as soon as he hears a recording of Ladybug saying she needs him. I know it's supposed to be a heartwarming thing by showing him wanting to support his lady, but to me, it just comes off more like he needed an ego boost. He was fulling willing to let Ladybug save the day on her own, but as soon as he heard how important he is to Ladybug, he's more than willing to become Cat Noir again. Because it's not like he could regret his decision to abandon his partner, and realize it isn't too late to make up for his mistake, right? That would imply Adrien is motivated by anything other than his feelings for Ladybug. Then there's the fact that as soon as Cat Noir returns, Ladybug instantly forgives him, despite saying earlier that she didn't trust him. It's almost like that whole debacle was only there to eat up about fifteen minutes of the special's runtime.

Hawkmoth issues an ultimatum to Ladybug and Cat Noir. Miraclonizer is ready to fire a nuclear missile (though the dub calls it a rocket, let's be honest, it's not), fully intending to start World War III unless Ladybug and Cat Noir give up. He's seriously willing to risk making The Day After a reality all for his wife. But remember, you're still supposed to feel bad for this literal war criminal.

Ladybug, Cat Noir, Aeon, and Sparrow manage to get to Miraclonizer's hideout, the Statue of Liberty, and take back the Eagle Miraculous, with Sparrow taking it and transforming into Eagle.

And then there's the design of the new hero's suit. While I'm glad it isn't another skintight jumpsuit, and the wings are a nice touch, people have raised some questions regarding Eagle's design, and how it feels like the animators really want to remind the audience that Jess is Native American. I mean, it looks like what Zack Morris wore in that one episode of Saved by the Bell barring the headdress.

And this might be because I'm a history major, and I just brushed up on this subject in class last semester, but I'm a little uncomfortable with the fact that someone actually thought it was a good idea to give the Native American girl the Miraculous of the Eagle, the symbol of America which represents Freedom. I don't want to go too into detail about this, but, uh... let's just say if you know about the history of the relationship between the Native Americans and the colonists, you'll get why this raises a couple of red flags.

Does this mean I think the showrunners are racist? No, it was an honest, albeit questionable mistake. Do I think this is the worst Native American representation on TV. Oh, hell no. Chakotay from Star Trek: Voyager was a walking amalgam of every Native American stereotype in the book, and was featured in an episode that said, with a straight face, mind you, that Native Americans used to be backwards savages, so a group of white aliens genetically altered them so not only could they survive the Earth's harsh weather, but so they would become more creative, leading to the birth of Native American culture. I apologize to any Native American human being who had the misfortune of learning about that for the first time. But over all, Jess is far from the bottom of the barrel of poor Native American representation.

So Jess uses her powers to calm every superhero down, while Ladybug and Cat Noir de-evilize Technolizer. And of course, Hawkmoth assumes that since there are other lost Miraculous, “they will be his”. Maybe focus on getting the two Miraculous you originally set out to get first, buddy.

So Knightowl and Majestia apologize for their behavior, and we learn that apparently Knightowl and Sparrow have been around for at least since the Wild West, and that the Knighowl and Majestia we've been following have been keeping up the illusion that the original duo are still alive for several generations.

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Was this special written in the 1950's? Why make a big deal out of this? Why is it so important that Knightowl and Sparrow both have a Y chromosome? The president is a woman and a superhero, the strongest superhero on Earth is a woman, and you were just saved by a female superhero all the way from Paris. I don't think people will be afraid of getting cooties from this Knightowl. Hell, we live in a world where if you don't like a female superhero, people automatically hate you. Just ask the people who didn't like Captain Marvel.

We see that Alya still learned nothing, as she continues to tease Marinete for daring to call Adrien her “friend”, as our special mercifully ends with the class sending a picture of a banner to Adrien to show their support... but not before a brief scene where a Guardian tries to take Eagle's Miraculous, before she makes him instantly pull a 180 as soon as she suggests he help to “create a new generation of heroes together”.

I'm guessing this is meant to be yet another tie-in to yet another Miraculous side project that will go absolutely nowhere. You might as well have had Nick Fury, oh, I'm sorry, Mick Flurry, recruit Eagle and Uncanny Valley for the ZAG Initiative.

But it doesn't matter, because the special's over, and once again, I never have to think about it ever again.

So... what else can I say that I haven't already said. This special sucks.

While the animation is honestly some of the best to come out of ZAG, and the action can get pretty good at times, it honestly doesn't really mean much when the story surrounding it is just so abysmal. Basically the only thing I liked about the Season 3 finale was the idea that the status quo was shifting in terms of Marinette's feelings for Adrien, and this special just ruined this interesting idea by the end faster than you can say “the series finale of Quantum Leap”.

Alya is at her most unlikable here with everything she does in this special. Almost everything she says to Marinette is either some catty comment or making fun of her trying to get over Adrien. Because God forbid she actually try to grow as a person and not let her life revolve around a cute boy. It's stuff like this that I genuinely wonder why Marinette even bothers to stay friends with her when all she does is tease her and force her out of her comfort zone. And according to co-director Wilfried “Winny” Pain, Alya is meant to be like Jiminy Cricket to Marinette's Pinocchio. I don't know which version of Pinocchio he read as a kid, but clearly, it's not the version we're mostly familiar with.

I'm still glad they didn't have Cat Noir revert back into his Ladybug-simping self we all knew and loathed in Season 3, but that doesn't mean he's still enjoyable in this special. The angsting about how sad Adrien's life is stopped being interesting years ago, and it's only done as a way to get the audience to care about him, but it comes off more like the writers are holding the audience at gunpoint and demanding they sympathize with him for bailing on the world when they need him the most.

I thought Aeon was a pretty likable character. Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for socially awkward robot characters like Data or Penny. I just wish we got to know her more, and why exactly her mother felt the need to play God by create her instead of just adopting like what Olympia and Barbara presumably did with Jess.

As a matter of fact, despite being played up as a big deal, there's still a lot about the American heroes that we don't really know about. How were the “United Heroes” formed in the first place? How did Majestia get her powers? What exactly is the origin of Knightowl and Sparrow? Why are all the American heroes so open about their identities to the point where the President's identity as a superhero is so well-known she can casually transform on TV? Hell, Ladybug and Cat Noir barely even interact with any of the heroes, and that includes Uncanny Valley and Sparrow/Eagle.

Generally, the special feels very rushed at times, with a lot of ideas not really being utilized. According to Astruc, there was actually a lot of things cut from the special, including a deleted subplot with Chloe and Ms. Mendeleiev. Although, given Astruc's track record, I don't think it would have been a good one given Chloe is involved.

This leads into a personal theory I have regarding this special, that I want everyone reading this to take it with a huge grain of salt. As much as he claims that he can't change anything he's already written, I personally believe that Thomas Astruc rewrote part of this special so Adrienette could get more focus to renew interest in the ship.

Hear me out on this. During Season 3, there were a lot more shipping debates between Adrienette shippers and Lukanette shippers, with the latter gaining more traction that season. It was also the season where other ships like Felinette, Kagaminette, and even Maribat became more prominent. And all of these ships were featured in post-Chameleon salt fics bashing Astruc's sunshine child, Adrien.

So, given how Astruc already dedicated an entire episode to bashing Felix fans, why wouldn't he use something like the New York special to convince the shippers to have more faith in the Love Square? After all, aren't Adrien and Marinette made for each other? Astruc has already said so on his Twitter.

Unfortunately, right now, I like to describe the Love Square as “Shrodinger's Relationship”. While the show can claim that Adrien and Marinette would make a great couple, they simultaneously show no real chemestry happening between the two in favor of Love Square shenanigans. And yes, I'm actually thinking of talking about the Love Square in a future analysis post.

And then there's the fact that Astruc himself said that everything that happened in this special is going to lead into the events of Season 4. What do I have to say about that?

Bring it.

I already talk about Miraculous Ladybug itself on this blog almost as much as I talk about its creator, and since I have a Disney+ account, I might as well subject myself to everything Season 4 has to offer. I've already seen one of my favorite shows go to hell, so why don't I chronicle another one of my favorite shows going to hell as well?

So yeah, as soon as a new episode is officially released on Disney+, expect a review from your boy IOTA.

I survived Season 3, so let's see if the number 4 is as unlucky as some countries say it is.

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i-watch-too-many-movies · 3 years ago

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5 Favorite First Viewings of July 2021

Quick note: Hi everyone, I'm back, things have honestly been getting better for me, and I'm glad to be on this site full of cinephiles, people that are too horny, and cinephiles that are too horny. I'll be more active on here. But anyway, let's talk about some movies.

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970) (dir. Russ Meyer)

CW: Abortion mention

What a picture. What a gorgeous, sexy, horrifying slice of what Hollywood and star life can do to a bunch of bright-eyed young people looking for success. Also is a critique of how macho nature can ruin friendships and romantic relationships with total ease. I was obsessed with the scene transitions, like Pet pouring pancake mix onto a plate after the abortion scene, or Kelly singing after someone screams before their murder in the opening scene.

Great, campy flick with exceptional music too.

Deep Cover (1992) (dir. Bill Duke)

Laurence Fishburne plays Russell Stevens, a Cincinnati police officer who hopes to do well by the community, to make a difference. He’s traumatized by the death of his substance-abusing father, and wants to make sure that he can help the people of his own town. He goes undercover on assignment as a drug dealer, where his boss orders him to take down the kingpin. Stevens realizes the police’s own failings while on assignment. The racist abuse he takes from Agent Carver, and the realization that the police department is protecting drug kingpins like Gallegos and Barbossa. Giving drugs to Black kids and Latinx kids so there will be less of them. The cops are no different than the drug kingpins looking to make filthy amounts of money.

Fishburne’s performance is excellent, as Stevens feels he has to maintain a stone face so he doesn’t get caught by Jason or Barbossa or any of his cronies, but also he maintains a stone face to try and hide his emotion, his trauma. But when he gets pissed, Fishburne acts it beautifully, as is when he has to deliver a funny quip to counter Jason’s douchebaggery. And the production design, holy fuck, the sets and the lighting.

A perfect neo-noir for the HW Bush years, arguably one of the most timeless commentaries on the era, as well as the police as a whole.

Fast Five (2011) (dir. Justin Lin)

I was torn between including this or Furious 7, but I ultimately went with Fast Five because it felt like an important turning point in the series, it's a great heist film, and it reached the same chaotic highs and genuinely excellent filmmaking that I had been waiting for since 2 Fast and Tokyo Drift.

Fast Five opens where Fast & 4ious left off. Dom is hauled away to prison on a bus. Mia and Brian drive in their high-tech cars and knock the bus over, helping Dom escape. The title drops. Fast Five. It’s such an intense yet short action scene, and dropping the title immediately after it lets the viewer know that this movie is not fucking around. It’s arguably gonna be more intense and insane than the previous one.

And it is. The filmmakers made the decision to use a lot more practical stunt work for the film, and as a result, it leads to, so far, the best action in the entire series, since 2 Fast and Tokyo Drift. It’s not just how it’s shot or edited, it’s the geography of the locations, the rooftop chase echoes the rooftop chase of Jackie Chan’s masterwork Police Story, particularly the way each character bounces from top to top.

And of course, there’s the silliest moment in the movie, the one that matches the intensity and kineticism of a film like 2 Fast, which is driving the Reyes’ bank vault throughout the street, getting chased by corrupt cops.

I know we make fun of Vin Diesel for saying “family” all the time in these films, but there’s a reason we remember him saying all of these impassioned monologues. Because he’s unbelievably sincere, and has so much love in his heart for every single person in the room. Anytime he delivers a speech to any of them, it’s genuinely heartwarming.

This is the film that finally shows La Familia in their best environment, which is working together, in a movie genre that allows them to work together, which is a heist film. And a great one at that.

Last Days (2005) (dir. Gus Van Sant)

CW: Mention of suicide

Several films have been made about legendary rock artist Kurt Cobain, and for good reason. He is one of the most tragic figures in rock and roll. A tortured genius who has written and performed classic song after classic song with his band Nirvana. He was called the voice of a generation, and helped change the face of mainstream alternative rock music as we know it. But with that fame, and all of those expectations came a worsening depression and further drug abuse, and his eventual death. But most of the films about Kurt Cobain ask one question which gets under my skin way too much:

“Who REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLY killed Kurt Cobain?”

It was him. He did. And it’s okay, I’m sad too. Thinking that Kurt Cobain was murdered is completely ignoring the depression that he faced. And despite Last Days being more inspired by the death of Cobain rather than actually about it, it feels much more honest than the conspiracy documentaries on his death, wanting to leech off of his dead body.

This is the last installment of Gus Van Sant’s “Death Trilogy”, the previous two installments being Gerry (2001), and Elephant (2003). While I have not seen Gerry, I have seen Elephant though, and love that film for its minimalist, raw nature, and its boldness for not romanticizing the school shooter or the lives they had taken. Last Days falls into that trap once, as I don’t agree with the shot of Blake’s soul climbing up a ladder, that always struck me as cheesy in a film that is anything but.

Last Days is similar to Elephant in terms of the way it is filmed. Its usage of long takes, and still shots of characters doing various things, such as Blake playing his guitar behind a drum set. The way these moments are shot is similar to a Chantal Akerman film, particularly Jeanne Dielman. Where the acts of the mundane are the stars of the film. Blake wanders around an empty house, and the viewer can feel the pain, not just through Michael Pitt’s acting, but from the house itself. Its decay, its paint peeling from the walls, from the soft glow of the lamp that lights his face.

I say this is the most honest film about Kurt Cobain, because, despite the characters technically being fictional (the main character who looks, walks, and acts like Cobain is named Blake), this film focuses on the mental state of a person before they eventually take their own life. They’re still working, still making music, still trying to talk to friends and bandmates, but the depression lingers on. Not once does this film try to make you believe that someone else killed him, because you can see the signs of his own suicide taking place just through the film’s excellent cinematography by Harris Savides, showing his mental state only growing worse through the production design.

And it’s empathetic with him. There’s no judgement for leaving rehab, there’s no finger-wagging at him or the people he was with, there’s just a silent prayer at the end of the film, hoping that he is in a better place than he was.

Sometimes you don’t need to show every event that led you to where you are, all you can show is the moment, which also makes this better than most biopics as well, as it never feels messy or muddled, just showing one moment of Blake/Kurt’s life.

I really loved this film, and I’ll be writing about it in full soon.

The Village (2004) (dir. M. Night Shyamalan)

The Cracked.com/Channel Awesome audience stuck in 2012 will tell you that this was the beginning of the end for Shyamalan. That this was when people stopped taking him seriously, that this was when he became more of a punchline because of his twist endings.

But why?

The Village was released in 2004, deep in the Bush administration, during the early stages of the Iraq War. The leaders of the time were talking about imaginary boogeymen, terrorists that would attack the civilians if they could. Because of 9/11, politicians could get away with these false ideas with the majority of Americans fully believing them. The boogeymen in The Village are “The People We Don’t Speak Of”, monsters attracted by the color red. Yet we find out that they are all costumes made by the Elders of the land, designed to prevent people from going outside the land. They rule by fear disguised as love. They’ve gone through their own traumas through the deaths of their family members, but they’ve decided to completely abandon the lives that they’ve had and have their children living lies.

9/11 impacted American life by teaching citizens to live primarily by fear, to not trust anyone but their own people. And yet, post-9/11, all that increased was not “coming together”, but hate crimes against South Asian people. The rage white Americans had felt led to conservative politicians pushing fear-mongering agendas, and said white Americans blindly accepted. The outside world was progressing, but too many people were fine with living with further conservative politics only regressing American life further and further back, all for the illusion of safety. Meanwhile, the only threats to them were not the brown citizens outside of America they were so afraid of, but the white elders, the white politicians.

The Village explores these fears so eloquently, all while having a terrifying atmosphere, an enchanting score, and brilliant sound design. I enjoyed this movie very much.

Other viewings I enjoyed:

Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996) (dir. Mike Judge) (re-watch)

Blow Out (1981) (dir. Brian de Palma) (re-watch)

Clueless (1995) (dir. Amy Heckerling) (re-watch)

Furious 7 (2015) (dir. James Wan)

The Long Goodbye (1973) (dir. Robert Altman)

Lupin III: The First (2019) (dir. Takashi Yamazaki)

Unbreakable (2000) (dir. M. Night Shyamalan) (re-watch)

Velvet Goldmine (1998) (dir. Todd Haynes)

The Visit (2015) (dir. M. Night Shyamalan)

#favorite first watches #these movies are (chef's kiss)#beyond the valley of the dolls #russ meyer #deep cover #bill duke #fast five #justin lin #last days #gus van sant #the village #m night shyamalan

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geckosong · 4 years ago

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Anime Recommendations

Here is a list of ten anime (in no particular order) that are definitely worth watching, yet don’t seem to get nearly as much recognition as they deserve.

Terror in Resonance (2014)

This is my personal favorite anime and I push people to watch it whenever I can, which is exactly what I’m doing here.

This show is set-in present-day Tokyo, which has been decimated by a terrorist attack, and the only hint to the identities of the culprits is a bizarre video uploaded on the internet. For the majority of the show the plot follows two different narratives: those of the investigators tasked with bringing down the terrorists, and of the terrorists themselves.

My Rating: 10/10

Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun (2020)

This anime is probably one of my favorites, if not my number one, in terms of art style. I love everything about the character designs and the colors used. It is just so soothing to look at.

The famous "Seven Wonders" that every school seems to have are a staple of Japanese urban legends. One of the most well-known of these tales is that of Hanako-san: Rumors claim that if one successfully manages to summon Hanako-san, the ghost of a young girl who haunts the school's bathrooms, she will grant her summoner any wish. When Nene Yashiro, a girl hoping for romantic fortune, dares to summon Hanako-san, she discovers that the rumored "girl" is actually a boy! After a series of unfortunate events involving Nene's romantic desires, she is unwillingly entangled in the world of the supernatural, becoming Hanako-kun's assistant. Soon, she finds out about Hanako-kun's lesser-known duty: maintaining the fragile balance between mortals and apparitions.

My Rating: 8/10

Kids on the Slope (2012)

If you love jazz, or history, or even heartwarming tales of friendship then this is the show for you. I will admit that is has a bit of a slow start, but by the time you get to the end you’ll be wishing for more.

In 1966, introverted classical pianist and top student Kaoru Nishimi has just arrived in Kyushu for his first year of high school. Having constantly moved from place to place since his childhood, he abandons all hope of fitting in, preparing himself for another lonely, meaningless year. That is, until he encounters the notorious delinquent Sentarou Kawabuchi.

Sentarou's immeasurable love for jazz music inspires Kaoru to learn more about the genre, and as a result, he slowly starts to break out of his shell, making his very first friend. Kaoru begins playing the piano at after-school jazz sessions, located in the basement of fellow student Ritsuko Mukae's family-owned record shop. As he discovers the immense joy of using his musical talents to bring enjoyment to himself and others, Kaoru's summer might just crescendo into one that he will remember forever.

My Rating: 6/10

Hyouka (2012)

Energy-conservative high school student Houtarou Oreki ends up with more than he bargained for when he signs up for the Classics Club at his sister's behest—especially when he realizes how deep-rooted the club's history really is. Begrudgingly, Oreki is dragged into an investigation concerning the 45-year-old mystery that surrounds the club room.

Accompanied by his fellow club members, the knowledgeable Satoshi Fukube, the stern but benign Mayaka Ibara, and the ever-curious Eru Chitanda, Oreki must combat deadlines and lack of information with resourcefulness and hidden talent, in order to not only find the truth buried beneath the dust of works created years before them, but of other small side cases as well.

My Rating: 6/10

Tonari no Seki-Kun: The Master of Killing Time (2014)

I absolutely adore this show. The episodes are only about 8 minutes long, and there is very little talking, yet the story still comes through perfectly. It never fails to brighten my day when I’m feeling down.

All Rumi Yokoi wants to do is focus during school, but she is constantly distracted by Toshinari Seki, her neighboring classmate. Paying attention during class is the least of Seki's worries, as he obsesses over intricate setups created using an assortment of items, from an elaborate domino course on his desk to a treacherous war played out with shogi pieces. Yokoi desperately attempts to focus in class, only to be repeatedly sucked into his intriguing eccentricities; however, they always seem to end up with her getting in trouble with their teacher. Fortunately, lessons will never be dull with Seki's antics around!

My Rating: 9/10

Classroom of the Elite (2017)

On the surface, Koudo Ikusei Senior High School is a utopia. The students enjoy an unparalleled amount of freedom, and it is ranked highly in Japan. However, the reality is less than ideal. Four classes, A through D, are ranked in order of merit, and only the top classes receive favorable treatment.

Kiyotaka Ayanokouji is a student of Class D, where the school dumps its worst. There he meets the unsociable Suzune Horikita, who believes she was placed in Class D by mistake and desires to climb all the way to Class A, and the seemingly amicable class idol Kikyou Kushida, whose aim is to make as many friends as possible.

While class membership is permanent, class rankings are not; students in lower ranked classes can rise in rankings if they score better than those in the top ones. Additionally, in Class D, there are no bars on what methods can be used to get ahead. In this cutthroat school, can they prevail against the odds and reach the top?

My Rating: 7/10

The Morose Mononokean (2016)

The start of Hanae Ashiya's high school career has not been easy—he has spent all of the first week in the infirmary, and his inexplicable condition is only getting worse. The cause of his torment is the mysterious fuzzy creature that has attached itself to him ever since he stumbled upon it the day before school began.

As his health continues to decline and the creature grows in size, Hanae comes across a flyer advertising an exorcist who expels youkai. Desperate and with nothing left to lose, he calls the number and is led to the Mononokean, a tea room which suddenly appears next to the infirmary. A morose-sounding man, Haruitsuki Abeno, reluctantly helps Hanae but demands payment afterward. Much to Hanae's dismay, he cannot afford the fee and must become an employee at the Mononokean to work off his debt. And to make things worse, his new boss is actually one of his classmates. If Hanae ever hopes to settle his debt, he must work together with Abeno to guide a variety of dangerous, strange, and interesting youkai back to the Underworld.

My Rating: 6/10

Beyond the Boundary (2013)

Another of my favorite aesthetically pleasing anime, this show has been the one that I show to friends who claim that anime cannot be beautiful (yes, several of my friends have actually said things along that line).

Mirai Kuriyama is the sole survivor of a clan of Spirit World warriors with the power to employ their blood as weapons. As such, Mirai is tasked with hunting down and killing "youmu"—creatures said to be the manifestation of negative human emotions. One day, while deep in thought on the school roof, Mirai comes across Akihito Kanbara, a rare half-breed of youmu in human form. In a panicked state, she plunges her blood saber into him only to realize that he's an immortal being. From then on, the two form an impromptu friendship that revolves around Mirai constantly trying to kill Akihito, in an effort to boost her own wavering confidence as a Spirit World warrior. Eventually, Akihito also manages to convince her to join the Literary Club, which houses two other powerful Spirit World warriors, Hiroomi and Mitsuki Nase.

As the group's bond strengthens, however, so does the tenacity of the youmu around them. Their misadventures will soon turn into a fight for survival as the inevitable release of the most powerful youmu, Beyond the Boundary, approaches.

My Rating: 7/10

Mekakucity Actors (2014)

I think about this show far more than I’d like to admit. The way they bring different plot lines together continues to amaze me 6 years after watching it for the first time.

On the hot summer day of August 14, Shintarou Kisaragi is forced to leave his room for the first time in two years. While arguing with the cyber girl Ene who lives in his computer, Shintarou Kisaragi accidentally spills soda all over his keyboard. Though they try to find a replacement online, most stores are closed due to the Obon festival, leaving them with no other choice but to visit the local department store. Venturing outside makes Shintarou extremely anxious, but the thought of living without his computer is even worse. It's just his luck that on the day he finally goes out, he's caught in a terrifying hostage situation.

Luckily, a group of teenagers with mysterious eye powers, who call themselves the "Mekakushi Dan," assist Shintarou in resolving the situation. As a result, he is forced to join their group, along with Ene. Their abilities seem to be like pieces of a puzzle, connecting one another, and as each member's past is unveiled, the secret that ties them together is slowly brought to light.

My Rating: 8/10

Angels of Death (2018)

You totally want to get emotionally attached to cereal killers, right? Of course you do, that’s why you should totally watch this anime.

With dead and lifeless eyes, Rachel Gardner wishes only to die. Waking up in the basement of a building, she has no idea how or why she's there. She stumbles across a bandaged murderer named Zack, who is trying to escape. After promising to kill her as soon as he is free, Rachel and Zack set out to ascend through the building floor by floor until they escape.

However, as they progress upward, they meet more twisted people, and all of them seem familiar with Rachel. What is her connection to the building, and why was she placed in it? Facing a new boss on each floor, can Rachel and Zack both achieve their wishes?

My Rating: 7/10

Bonus: Stars Align (2019)

I am adding one extra because this anime deserves so much more than it got. I adore every single character in this show and want nothing but to see them be happy. There is so much I adore about this show that I can’t put it all into words. I would recommend you watch this so you can share in my rage that the story was cut off halfway through with no current plans of completing it. There is no manga. There is no way of knowing what happens next. This recommendation is entirely for the purpose of generating more public outcry in the hopes that that causes them to finish the show. Please anime gods, if you are reading this I need to know what happens to my smol tennis boys. Are they safe? Are they alright?

Constantly outperformed by the girls' club, the boys' soft tennis club faces disbandment due to their poor skills and lack of positive results in matches. In desperate need of members,

Toma Shinjou is looking to recruit capable players, but he fails to scout anyone. Enter Maki Katsuragi, a new transfer student who demonstrates great reflexes when he catches a stray cat in his classroom, instantly capturing Toma's attention. With his interest piqued, Toma ambitiously asks Maki to join the boys' team but is quickly rejected, as Maki doesn't wish to join any clubs. Toma refuses to back down and ends up persuading Maki—only under the condition that Toma will pay him for his participation and cover other club expenses.

As Maki joins the team, his incredible form and quick learning allow him to immediately outshine the rest of the team. Although this gives rise to conflict among the boys, Maki challenges and pushes his fellow team members to not only keep up with his seemingly natural talent, but also drive them to devote themselves to the game they once neglected.

This story focuses on the potential of the boys' soft tennis club and their discovery of their own capability, while also enduring personal hardships and dealing with the darker side of growing up in middle school.

#anime #anime recommendation #zankyou no terror #terror in resonance #toilet bound hanako kun #kids on the slope #hyouka #tonari no seki kun #my neighbor seki #classroom of the elite #the morose mononokean #beyond the boundary #mekakucity actors #angels of death #stars align

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wastelandlovingscenarios · 4 years ago

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Love your blog. It’s ✨Immaculate ✨. How would companions (+preston) and anyone you wanna add react around a preferably f!sole that they have a HUGE crush on? For example; what are the little actions or habits they do?

omg, this request made me happy and i enjoyed writing it! i love this so much. thank you for requesting anon, please enjoy! this was probably one of my longest reacts ever written.

anddddd i added sturges and x6 just cause.. i.. love them.. 😶❤️

Danse:

he’s never had a real crush before and you bet your fucking life that he has no idea how to deal with it. he wouldn’t notice the crush at first and would be completely oblivious to it until he found himself growing strangely flustered at sole whenever they were in his presence. everything they did, from modding power armor to simply just staring at him with their breathtaking features, always pulled the paladin out of reality, making his heart beat in all different directions and forced him to become speechless even if he had a million things to say. upon realizing that he may be harboring feelings much more than friendship for his long term partner, he becomes more attentive and protective towards sole, even if it goes out of his notice. he would find himself taking over her tasks in sanctuary despite her pleas so she can rest a little longer and take a break from all her responsibilities. danse would become more frantic over soles health, often scolding her about the importance of self care whenever he noticed that she was neglecting it and if she refused to listen, then he’d take matters in his own hands. he’d grow abnormally nervous and concerned whenever sole was away without him for too long and would literally run over to her the minute she’d come home, bombarding her with a million questions before his worries could completely subside. deep down, danse knew he wanted to shield sole from the dangers they faced everyday and pry her away from any kind of pain that could be inflicted on her. he figured it was impossible but knew damn well he could at least try, even if it killed him. soon enough, his crush for sole would grow painfully obvious and knew that he’d have to confront her about it when she started picking up signs.

Deacon:

terrified is an understatement. he found himself panicking at the thought of being attached to someone once again and tried to do everything in the book to perish those emotions as quickly as it came. unfortunately for him, no matter how much he pulled away from sole, he always found a way back to her despite his mind screaming at him to escape. god knows he wouldn’t be able to; not with that dammed smile, perfect personality, and smart mouth. now that she was there existing in his mind rent free, there was no turning back no matter how hard he tried. regardless of his newfound feelings, he’d still continue to act normal around sole, often pulling jokes here and there but everytime he’d try to friskilly flirt with them like he used to, his cheeks would go visibly red and his mouth would become dry whenever sole played along with his games. once he accepted the fact that he was in love and ready to move on, he’d spend every waking moment with her, trying to make her laugh whenever they were together just so he could see their smile. even if he tried to stray away from it, he became more affectionate towards sole, often letting his touches touches linger longer than necessary, offering a shoulder to her whenever she needed it, and just being the rock everytime life decided to knock her down. he’d observe sole a lot, noting down whatever she seemed to have interest in and all the details, small or vast, he could capture of her. remember that necklace you wanted when you looked at a run down magazine at a shop? deacons got you covered. feeling sad? he’d be kicking through that door with an armful of fancy lad cakes before sole could shed a tear. he’s more than willing to go out of his way for sole without a second thought just to ensure shes happy and safe in this chaotic world.

Hancock:

hancocks a natural flirt, it’s definitely obvious by now and sole knew it herself since the day she stepped in goodneighbor. if he wasn’t flirting with her, he was often caught flirting with people he found attractive. after a while though, that habit would deteriorate the more he spent time with sole and got to know her better as a person instead of the commonwealth hero. the idea of one night stands and random hook ups didn’t appeal to him so much anymore as he leaned more into the idea of committing to sole and the possibility of what they could be. he’d find that his flirtatious comments would grow more genuine whenever it left his lips and that his actions were much more gentle and affectionate whenever they were together. his once provocative thoughts about her would be replaced with more innocent ones and he’d constantly wondered how her lips would feel against his instead of observing her ass in that vault suit like he normally would. hancock would often give sole pet names, such as sunshine and sweetheart, and would completely abolish the nickname ‘sister’, pushing it away from his vocabulary as time went by. hancock would constantly tease sole with comments or actions, often telling her she’s absolutely beautiful to caressing her face gently just to see the sight of her wide eyed and flushed with his own very eyes. that image of her was definitely a sight for sore eyes- it made his heart swell with love and awe, a feeling he thought he’d never experience in his lifetime. he would give up anything in the commonwealth, even his love for chems, just to be with sole and stay by her side until the end of time.

Maccready:

he’s such a dork and is absolutely head over heels for sole the first time he realizes he has a thing for her. though he doesn’t go over the top to show he admires her or anything, it’s more than enough to display exactly what he feels for her. whenever they’re out on a mission, mac would always try to impress sole with anything he knows he’s capable of doing or exceeding just to catch her attention, even just for a moment. his suave and cocky attitude while doing so would immediately crash down into bits once sole sent him a dazzled grin or displayed her amazement at his skills. he would then become a flustered and anxious mess, stumbling over his sentences as he tried to pull himself together. mac would become more open with her, showing sole his interests excitedly, like his comic book collection, or telling her stories that he’s never told anyone besides lucy. he’d allow her to pry into his private life and is more than willing to have any type of conversation with her regardless of whether it was personal or just small talk. maccready would frequently gape at his companion with a lovestruck smile on his face and a dreamy glint in his eyes, admiring everything about her from her appearance to her personality. even if sole didn’t notice him doing so, others did and boy did he look like a lovesick teenager.

Nick Valentine:

it wouldn’t take nick forever to realize he had fallen in love with sole. though it’d take a while to accept, he’d eventually warm up to the idea, realizing that the more he pushed away from it, the worse the issue would become. after all, there’s no better way to confront a situation than to encounter it first hand. he’s really old school when having a crush on sole, mimicking prewar actions to show that he really cares for her outside of professionalism. nick would open doors for her, give her his coat whenever he caught her shudder, pick flowers from a garden to give to her, and overall just be an absolute gentleman. he’d literally drive ellie insane by talking about sole all the damn time, whether about professional matters or personal ones, and if her name ever slipped his lips one more time, ellie might just grab a book nearby and knock him unconscious just to catch a break. just like hancock, nick would push away the nicknames he usually used for her, such as kid/pal, and would instead replace it with ‘doll’ or ‘sweetheart’ - it seemed much more romantic and meaningful. he wouldn’t hide the fact that he has interest for sole and would make it known that he has intentions, but would never force sole if she wasn’t comfortable. luckily, she was more than comfortable.

Gage:

he would be in major denial with his feelings for sole. gage would assume it’s just a simple infatuation for the overboss and try his best to ignore the feelings that surfaced whenever she was around. there was just no way he was gonna commit to something he was uncertain of. as much as gage denied the truth, he couldn’t avoid the change of behavior that followed after that realization. he found himself defending the overboss more when someone badmouthed or threatened her and would go out of his way to kill them himself if they stepped a little too close for comfort. not for soles comfort - his comfort. whenever someone displayed any signs of affection or interest towards her, his eyes would shoot daggers directly at that person (who eventually backed away, intimidated) and his hands would clutch his rifle until his knuckles turned white. everytime sole felt down and let a few tears slip, he couldn’t bring himself to give her space like he once used to and would instead accompany her, attempting to ease her pain with small comments and a hand on the shoulder. the thought of being the person behind the one in charge soon faded into nothing as he caught himself saving sole more than once from the dangers that dared to meet her in his presence. he got more than few bullets and bruises while doing so and he found that he didn’t mind that at all. he’d let sole be affectionate to him; when she’d lay her head on his shoulder, let her hand brush against his when they were close, or lay a hand on his chest, he’d find himself enjoying it much more than he should and slowly began to crave it more. his previous thoughts of committing to her would switch entirely and he’d realize that maybe being in love for once wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Preston:

he’d come to accept his crush for the general pretty quickly. she was amazing and genuinely kind hearted after all, so there was absolutely no reason why he’d try to pull away from this feeling. prestons a huge sweetheart when it comes to sole, often complimenting the way she looked that day, sending her small comments of appreciation to know he’s grateful for her in his life, and would go as far as leaving them small trinkets hes found on his adventures, telling her that it reminded him of her. whenever sole was brought up into a conversation, he’d feel his ears perk up and he’d immediately butt in, praising her as a person and for all that she’s done for the commonwealth. he wants to make it known that she deserves more than what she is given and that all her deeds do not go unnoticed. everyone noticed the big smile on his face and the proud look in his eyes whenever he speaks about sole to others and would laugh at his joyful tone as he continued on. it’s almost identical to a child talking about their favorite toy on a show and tell event. he tries to give her the life she deserves by showing little acts of appreciation; leaving an extra box of dandy apples near her bedside so she had something to snack on, sparing a few extra caps to buy her a drink whenever they were out and about, and even cleaning up her room whenever he had the time to do so. in the end, everyone knew that sole had preston wrapped around her finger and anything she needed or desired, he was more than willing to make it happen to the best of his abilities.

Sturges:

sturges hesitates at first, believing that he’s nothing special compared to sole. it would take him a billion years before sole could actually look at him the way he looked at her, but comes to the conclusion that it wouldn’t hurt to try and pursue her. just like nick, sturges is an absolute gentleman to his core but shows it with different actions. instead of picking flowers and opening doors for sole, he’d focus on doing things that could benefit her in the long run. he’d mod whatever weapons or armor she left behind, ensuring that sole had the best of the best while venturing the wastelands and would try to upgrade her living space, adding anything that he knew would put sole more at ease whenever she came home. he would also guarantee there was an extra plate of freshly cooked food and a drink waiting for sole on her kitchen counter in case they decided to come home that night. before sole would go back out in the wasteland, he’d pack a special bag full of stimpacks, rad x, radaway, modified weapons, and other useful things she might need on her adventures, sending her away with a soft smile and a simple, “get home safe.” besides his actions, sturges would try to converse with sole more whenever he found the time to and find any excuse, even if ridiculous, to spend time with her, disregarding any plans he had that day.

X6:

the crush is absolutely foreign to him. he wouldn’t be able to utterly process the feeling at first, confused whether his systems were malfunctioning or not but would notice that his behavior would be drastically changing the more he walked the wastelands with her. he’d catch himself staring at sole longer than necessary, observing her features while she was distracted and allowed it to engrave every single part of his perplexed mind. he’d talk less, unconsciously taking in sole’s voice whenever they spoke and letting that melodious sound replay in his head for an unhealthy amount of time. with this new crush came new emotions he was never programmed to experience - fear, worry, happiness and relief. the strange thing was, it would only rise around her. whenever she was hurt or away, he felt fear and concern, whenever she was laughing and smiling, he felt a sense of happiness and the minute she’d come home from a dangerous part of a mission, he’d feel a wave of relief. he yearned to know more about her outside of professionalism, asking questions about her personal life and interests as he became more curious. as sole opened up more to him and let him see the better side of her - the one that was playful and was full of smiles and laughter - he’d feel the strong heartbeat bang against his chest for the first time in his life. once he realized he had it bad for sole, he was too far into the rabbit hole to ever turn back.

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