#and they make me so happy because i feel like im writing something that at least one whole human being actually wanted

[kaiyunsim]

abscence of you —

pairing : bf!jaehyun x gn!reader

summary : you and jaehyun are caught between love and personal needs. you both watch as your relationship slips away, knowing they could never give eachother what they needed the most.

genre / warnings : angst, swearing (1 f-word), reader is lwk a red flag, maybe more

a/n : I LOVE BOYNEXTDOOR AND GRENTPEREZ ! also i rewrote this like two times cuz i was unhappy and still kinda am but i hope u guys enjoy ! (lmk if u want more cuz i like writing angst)

currently playing : absence of you - grentperez

— not proof read — wc : 1.1k —

you are always busy with making music but jaehyun never minded it because it’s your passion and he found it cute that you put your efforts into something you both like. he hasn’t seen you in a while thought and he really started to miss you so be wanted to surprise you at your apartment.

jaehyun opened the door quietly, not wanting to disturb you, knowing you are probably working on something. he made sure to get ramen that isn’t that spicy and has some mushrooms because it’s the way he likes it but also gets your favorite. he leaves the takeout on the table and sees you typing on the laptop.

“i got your favorite, let’s eat,” he says with happiness, finally getting to see you after a while. he approaches you and gives you a back hug.

“thanks, give me five minutes to finish this,” you say, not taking your eyes off the screen.

he only nods, moving to the table and unpacking the food and set up the table for the both of you. eventually, ten minutes pass and he just watches you work.

“are you going to eat before the food gets cold?” he asks gently, trying to remind you.

you glance at the clock, “oh, shoot. sorry, i lost track of time,” you reply, getting up and taking your seat at the table.

jaehyun begins to eat and you are about to start before your phone starts buzzing. you pick up the phone and start answering texts and he just watches.

“do you ever just stop?” he asks gently again. bothered, but not wanting to cause trouble.

you look up from your phone, which is now facedown on the table, and frowns slightly, “what is that supposed to mean?” you asks.

“forget it.” he pushes it off.

—

after that, you guys don’t see eachother for a while due to your conflicting schedules. whenever you could spare some time, he would be working on his songs. whenever he would be free, you would be busy with songs of your own.

the next time you would both see eachother is when you went on a hangout with your friends. they wanted to invite jaehyun so they asked if he wanted to join and he accepted.

you picked him up from his place and they all meet up at your place. it starts off as awkward before sungho, being the oldest hyung, wants to break the ice and asks a question to the couple.

“so what’s the next for you two? moving in together? engagement?” he asks lightheartedly, the last questions were in a more joking manner.

he replies half jokingly, rolling his eyes, “if i can ever get them to take a break from producing music on soundcloud.”

you laugh awkwardly, “what? i like where we are now. there’s no rush”

and the silence came back, as if nothing ever happened. but something did happen, tension increasing and sungho started to feel awkward.

his smile falters and he chugs the rest of his drink, not wanting to push the answer out of you.

later, you give jaehyun a ride home and the tension continues to seep into him but he decides to break it.

“you didn’t have to laugh it off like that…” jaehyun comments hesitantly.

“what are you talking about?” you ask, confused.

“the future, us. do you think about it?” he clarifies.

“of course, but i’m just… not ready for anything long term. there’s still so much i wanna do”

“yeah, and i guess i’m not a part of it” he murmurs to himself.

“hey thats not fair. im trying to build something for myself. that doesnt mean i don’t think about us” you answer. you sound somewhat annoyed at the constant comments from him.

“of course you think of us,” he says sarcastically.

“i don’t have time for this” you roll your eyes.

“you don’t have time for me, you mean” he says, raising his voice slightly.

“i didn’t ask you to come” you exclaim, matching his energy.

“jesus fucking christ y/n, i’m sorry i wanted to see my partner after a long day of promotions. i’ll just schedule an appointment next time.” he says sarcastically, throwing his arms up.

just as he says that, you stop the car as you guys are in front of his house. he undoes his buckle and gets out of your car, not wanting to deal with more of you for today.

days later, jaehyun hasn’t reached out, and neither has you. both being consumed by their own thoughts.

jaehyun replays their argument, torn between guilt and frustration. he wonders if he’s asking for too much or if you love him as much as he does you.

you try to focus on your work but feels a hollow ache whenever you check your phone and find no messages from jaehyun. you wonder if he’s tired of you completely.

jaehyun decides to stop by your place to talk. he just wants to communicate how he feels. when he arrives, he sees you on a video call with your team, all animated and smiling. he watches you through the party opened door, realizing how vibrant and alive you seem in your own world.

you spot him and quickly end the call knowing your team would understand. you open the door, your smile fading as you see the look on his face.

jaehyun looks at you with a weak smile, “you’re amazing, you know that?”

“what?” you reply, confused with where he’s taking this.

“you’re incredible at what you do, i just…”

he pauses.

“don’t think there’s space for me in your life.”

you sit there. letting the words sink in.

you shake your head, “that’s not true jaehyun, i’ve always wanted you with me.” you say, gripping onto his hands, eyes starting to water.

“but not enough to make me feel like i belong.” he says. finally being able to confess his feelings.

they both sit in silence. neither knowing what to say. finally, jaehyun breaks it.

“i love you, y/n. but i need more than this…”

jaehyun walks away, not wanting to turn back, leaving you stunned with tears streaming down involentarily. it’s not like you were sobbing, but god damn did you wanna crawl up and just cry. but your breath hitched, refusing to cry further

in the quiet of your apartment, you whisper his name into the empty air, knowing it was the closest you’d ever get to having him back.

[redishsunflowers]

this is all my personal opinion as a somewhat new arcane enjoyer.

act 3 of arcane really ruined it all for me. one of the things that makes me love shows so much is when they make me just feel so so much. and arcane did this so well, especially in s1. act 1 and 2 of s2 also did this very well, tho not even close to as well as s1 in my opinion.

i felt sad about isha's death, but i don't really care about jinx's. this isn't bc i cared more abt isha than jinx, a million percent no, this is bc it didnt feel liek there was any weight to it. we saw a very small clip of vi sobbing then, boom, she's almost fine???? her humming powder's lullaby isn't enough, i need to see her grieve. jinx literally completely gave up because of isha's death. vi wasn't even close to being in the same position as jinx but that was still her sister. her sister whom she tried so hard to protect and get back and finally got her back. it just didn't feel real. and on top of that, everyone thinks she's not actually dead. i wish they showed the "proof" of that later or something because i needed that grieving period from vi.

i felt so strongly about jayvik and their whole dynamic snd ending this season. in act 2 i felt that the writing for caitvi wasn't as good as it was in s1 and act 1 but then it just pissed me off at the end. i kinda liked the fact that they were in a cell when they had sex lol but i feel like it was weird timing and also could be a weird setting. but what rlly got me was the fact they don't fucking talk. they dont talk it out. one of the bjggest reasons i love jayvik is because of their lines too eachother. theyre so devestating and beautiful and thats what we got with caitvi before act 2. i was hoping they would talk about alllll the problems they were having because they were having a lot but, either they didn't or we just didn't see it. the resolution to jayvik was so satisfying because we got to know all of their closing thoughts and emotions. we didn't get to see cait apologizing or vi talking abt jinx and it just felt so emotionless.

im really sad they got rid of all the political stuff. i feel like the first step to doing that was putting vi in an enforcer outfit but with that i thought theyd explore into it and the trauma around it even more. but they didnt at all. they put more of the oppressed into the oppressors outfits and called it "fighting against a greater evil" i think thats a fine thing to happen but not if you throw away the whole conversation about politics you were having beforehand. i felt enger towards the piltover people and council just because they were a part of the oppressive regime. after s1 i felt like they tried to act like those ppl were never in the wrong. they swept it all under the rug.

it really just felt like there wasn't a clear conclusion. what happened to zaun and piltover? the scene of sevika sitting at the table isn't enough (don't get me started on sevika I MISS HER). what happened to the firelights?? everyone says ekko lost everything but like do we know what happened to the tree or to the firelights??? i wanted to see the progress the two cities made and how PILTOVER compensated for their actions.

thats it ig, im rlly trying to be happy abt the ending and to do that i have to think abt jayvik bc theyre the only perfect ending in my eyes and i miss caitvi i miss them

[gamenburger]

People think i'm joking about me wanting you to print out the zine and sell it to your local shop for cost and some money in ur pocket.

i'm not joking

Seriously. I hate money. I have enough of it. I'd like more of it to be comfortable, but i'm doing fine. the real thing is I don't want to think about compensation for my art and writing. It makes me feel weird! Print it out and sell it! ONLY THING I ASK: don't let them sell it for more than 5 dollars. It feels weird to me to sell a review of an indie game for more than the cost of the indie game itself! But that's just me.

Isn't it kinda weird to make money on a stone if I didn't make it?

It's a football! You chiseled it! No seriously. You printed it. You cut it and stapled it so it looks nice! Congrats, you've done the magic labor dance that hopefully makes you feel less gross about making money on it. You shouldn't feel gross though! Im telling you to do this? It's more than okay!

Is it hard to get it printed and sold for cheap?

If you do the B&W version you could get it printed for less than a dollar from a shop, which honestly: you might as well do it yourself at the library for cheaper since I imagine you don't want bulk! I would love nothing more than for you to sell this zine for a dollar. More zines should be a dollar?

What are you getting out of this? Why do this?

Money doesn't make me happy (although it does help prevent calamity from things that *can* make me unhappy), its people reading and seeing my work that makes me happy. About 500 people have read this zine! Thats already so crazy to me! I would love nothing more if people picked this up and got hungry for more games discussion in the zine world. It's shockingly not as full of a niche as i thought it would be! Also. My stuff in stores just like. straight up benefits me! My name is prominently on the front and back of it! The download page for it has a donation option! I'm not starving here. Print that shit out, make yourself some money, and buy a coffee on me. You're not going to become a gazillionaire selling zines. I think. Would be funny if you did tho! What about tabling with this zine?

YES! Nervous about tabling because you don't feel like you have enough? Well print my zine out and now you have stuff that costs u pennies to make your table look fuller! Just lie and say I'm your friend or something! In a way, i suppose i am in ghostly meaning of the word. Only thing i ask is don't try to aggressively trade using my zine because like. Idk! It feels weird. That's just me though. I'm not your dad, a cop, or both.

ANYWAYS. I write this out because i think zine distribution should be that: distribution. Get that shit out and get it cheap! Words for the people! This is my long way of saying get out of your head and have some fun printing and cutting and learning how to do that. I will be making more stuff free to distribute, and and i would love to see other people do that if able!

Alright. It's here.

REVIEW OF THE KILLER is a (mainly spoiler free) zine review featuring commentary, analysis, comics, and various evil activities. It released on my itch.io page and will be free for anyone to download, as well as a convenient reader embedded in the page itself. It is releasing alongside the steam version of Anthology Of The Killer by @myfriendpokey.

It is available to print in both a4 and letterhead format, in color and B&W. All of these will be available in 600 or 300 PPI (as disgustingly high as Itch will allow) as well as regular old, web and storage friendly formats. I recommend vibrant pink and canary paper for greyscale copies. It is free to distribute as you please.

If you have liked any of the art I've done so far, please share this anywhere and everywhere you feel charitable to do so.

I hope you enjoy. I am always hoping you enjoy.

[professeurm]

so, uh, I do this thing when I'm bored or need to calm myself and that's telling myself a story. typically i do fics and in my head unless im completely alone. yes, I love talking to myself

these stories goes on and on, like i flesh out a whole plot and everything. it might as well be a whole book and sometimes it helps me get pass a trick part in a fic im writing or helps me work out the plot. it also sometimes gets written down because I'm like "this worth writing down"

this going to be long. read if you dare 😂

now the reason why I'm telling yall this is because my best buddy, @the-torchwood-magician , got me hook on Malcolm Merlyn. We both love his character and would talk for hours about him like we're teenagers in heat 🤣🤣

we also both love Ianto Jones and I honestly do not need explain why 😂. They introduce me to a ship, which I had no clue it existed, that consisted of Malcolm and Ianto. Even introduced me to a few fics and let me tell yall, I'm interested and hook.

My current story I'm telling myself consist of the pair, where Ianto gets hire as Malcolm assistant (similar to how Felicity is Oliver assistant) and Malcolm is suspicious that the young man is perfect for the job, even perfect for a higher position. Which shocks him because either something isn't right or the guy is just really smart for his age and modest.

He hires him anyway because of his genuine curiosity and Ianto fits in quickly. He works hard and efficiently, even knows what Malcolm needs before he asks him. Malcolm grew fond of him, appreciate his contribute to the company and him. Though that didn't make his suspicions go away so he did a background check. clean records so he had to go old fashion, but little does he knows Ianto isn't the one to share or talk.

yes, this a love story. a slow one in matter of fact

they're relationship won't have a label. this is because I'm pulling a James Wilson, which is Ianto is convinced he's straight but he's still in the closet and in denial despite having feelings for his boss/friend. Also Malcolm heart belongs to his dead wife so he's sort torn between that and his new boy lover.

this won't have a happy ending... letting yall know. I'm like a rabid dog when there's a happy ending, but there will be a twist in the end. basically a cliffhanger

question is... should I put this on ao3..

[thelonelyfog]

interacting with fandom is weird.

because on one hand it's like "wow!!! this makes me feel closer to the people from before! gee i sure do miss that!! this is really nice and i'm happy!"

and then on another it's like "wow, what the fuck are these takes? why would you write that? why would you do that? i would not fucking say/do that. they would not fucking say/do that."

and then its also like "how the fuck did you interpret me so well. you're right i would fucking do/say that!!!"

and then theres that point where you're like, "wow, these are just characters to you. yeah you obsess over them and they're your 'blorbos', but in the end, this is all a Story to you. a really compelling one, but fictional nonetheless. my friends and family and loved ones are just fiction to you. to me it is everything. to you this is just a bit of fun."

and then its "im so. fucking jealous. of literally myself??? why am i jealous of myself??? but i know why it's because if elias wasn't a major fuckwad maybe you could've had this and maybe if somewhere else had actually meant somewhere with jon you could've had this and maybe-"

except of course if elias hadn't been a major fuckwad, none of it would've happened at all probably. like, i know i had this conversation with jon before, but it comes to my mind every time i dare to get jealous. because none of this would've happened without everything, would it? like yeah, reading "everyone lives/nobody dies" aus or even aus where the eye just isn't a thing or where it's happier or whatever is nice, but it wouldn't have happened that way, would it? we had that, and it didn't happen. maybe against all odds, something would've happened that would make us see eye-to-eye, but the reality is that jon probably would've just continued being my asshole-ish boss that i was pining for. things would've never progressed further. maybe i would've been closer with tim and sasha, but that's about it.

and i think that's what makes this hurt so much. i wish it could've gone another way. i wish it could've gone any other way, actually. i wish we could've had our happy ending, and not have had to go through so much pain and suffering, but by the time we met, it was already too late for us. how could things have ended any other way, when it was predetermined before we even met for the first time? when the ending was etched into the stars before the stars even knew how to write?

so yeah, interacting with fandom is weird. but i keep doing it anyway. i don't know why. because it makes me feel closer to them? because it makes me happy? i can't explain it and i wouldn't even know how to begin to.

maybe it just makes me feel less Lonely.

i think that's an alright enough reason.

[stunie]

it’s so easy to forget that you can literally write whatever you want

[volfoss]

it is beyond infuriating how anne rice seems to insist on marius being a positive force in anyone's life ever. like she can't fully commit to exploring the fact he groomed armand and has repeatedly taken away his consent for what marius thinks is best (take the end of TVA as an example) and just kind of flatly puts it in the narrative. there's not really much interest in how these horrific events make marius come across as the worst because EVERYONE loves him. for gods sake, lestat learns from armand exactly what marius did to him in TVL and then proceeds to go find marius and be super friendly to him in the same fucking book. even armand and pandora, two of the people who have MORE than enough right to hate him, do not. it doesnt feel like shes trying to explore the toxicity of the abusive dynamic he traps them in, it just is there. and like yeah ofc the toxic vampire romance series but i think that this should be handled with more care. and it is not ever really framed in a way that she is interested in exploring how marius should easily be one of the most horrific characters in this series because it kind of feels like sa/rape/grooming/other things of that sort are just put there to further plot and not to really get the respect that they deserve in a medium.

[faaun]

procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[savage-rhi]

Fuschia/Magenta?

[lycanr0t]

the other day V read me a post that was talking about perfectionism and half assing something while being a perfectionist is like whole assing something by most ppls standards and ive been thinking about it non stop

today i said to V that people seem to always think that perfectionists actually can achieve perfection, that theres a payoff to it. that its worth it. Perfectionists in fiction are hard workers and they DO make things perfect but i said the reality is that most perfectionists don't and can't actually get anywhere close to that. they hold themselves to a standard that's quite literally impossible to achieve and the mental weight of that leads to fucking up and over complicating things or simply never trying at all. because if people are going to be disappointed anyways you might as well save yourself from the time/effort/etc being wasted, right?

I guess like what I'm saying is perfectionism can appear like an unwillingness to try at all and it can appear like you're just not putting ""enough effort"" in and its not something that does actually have a payoff because perfect is not only subjective but also impossible. so cut yourself some slack and half ass shit life is way to short to spend fretting over every single detail

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[x-crowmancer-x]

OKAY RANT ON VIVZIEPOP SCROLL PAST IF YOU DONT CARE

--------------------

I like Viv as an artist, shes inspired me since frickin middleschool with her animations, character designs, and now 2 shows holy crap. I just really wish she'd get off social media for her own mental health cuz good god it's not great to see a whole thread of tweets arguing with someone about the dislike of fanfiction having homophobic undertones its just... agdhdh Viv is a pretty controversial person due to unfortunate past events and having shows that present some darker subject matter. Honestly? I want to see Viv not just move past the previous controversy, but learn from it to be better. Its totally fair tho if you think the handling of certain topics arent done well, there are things people will have preference over. And I dont give a fuck about shipping, I dont wanna see it, frankly. If you're doin somethin shady with it and I see it I'm certainly not going to like it and I'll do my best to not interact with you, but I think we should make tagging things just a common thing? Keeps things organized and people can intake what they want while the stuff they dont want is not being shown to them. Same goes with headcanons they're someone imagining something, they arent holding the creators hostage to make it canon. Canon is silly anyways! Both the OG and a headcanon can exist because AUs and headcanons are just another version of the thing. Headcanons arent going to change the episodes, they'll still be the same way the creators made it. So like... chill.

Just as long as it has no mental or physical negative implications or intent against actual living people I will add.

Dont harrass actors because they play a villian you need to separate fiction and reality it's literally their job to pretend to be someone else.

[boxwinebaddie]

an uncle nina check in <3

hi team! thanks for sticking around! i know my blog isn't always the most exciting and enriching place in the world in terms of content, but i am very /content/ to have you all here. <3333

i promise, oddly enough, i have A TON of inspiration and ideas for all my weird styles ( if you're curious about anything please lmk! i've been trying to flesh out my aus out lately ), i've just been in a major bummer depression era lately, so it's hard for me to get my asks done and i'm having a hard time committing to finishing my writing. :<

i think it's because of stress and my bipolar, but i am trying to get back on the horse! ( are we all laughing at the idea of me trying to get on a horse? i'd start crying help city girl fail moment for me ) yeehaw!

and while, unfortunately due to the instability ( fabulous legendary iconery ) of my pretty girl popstar personality, i do not know whether i will be answering almost no questions or one million, regardless of that, i just wanted to let you know, i'm still here, still kicking my feet, twirling my hair, cooking...i'm just really trying not to force myself to put out anything i don't like...and only do what makes me truly happy.

however, nothing, my dear sweet e-darlings...

makes me happier than coming home to all of you. <333

so thank you for flooding even the darkest corners of my life with bright light, supporting my phantom fics and being wonderful,

uncle nina xx

[girlivealwaysbean]

so sad for absolutely no reason

[the-brainrot-central]

Writing over 30,000 words worth of content for a fic only to realize it’s all pointless because you have no interest in it anymore and you were never gonna finish it anyway….

What even is The Point anymore