#and they act like this isnt hard for me
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panlyv · 1 year ago
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#i just wanna know whats so wrong with meeeeee#why am i so broken why cant i get fucking better#why did i get so damaged to the point of no return#i feel like an alien in my family i see all of them being outgoing extroverts with a so many friends#and im here like a goddamn loser scared to talk to anyone exhausted just by saying hi#and i know i know i know its the trauma#its the fear#but fuck for how much longer is this gonna keep going#and they act like this isnt hard for me#it is dude#i feel so lonely and tired and i want to connect and that desire makes me feel so fucking pathetic#why do i want people while im so scared of them#and it hurts so much its unbearable#i keep suffocating myself and denying myself of everything#because i hate myself and im not worthy of love or staying for#so why would i even give it a try when i know damn well the outcome#they are just gonna leave because thats what everybody did. they left#and the problem is obviously me right. im the only constant#so fuck me i guess! ill be alone forever!#because if i do let someone in again and they leave again i wont be able to keep going i swear to god#so i just close myself to everyone#god even to my best friend. i feel like i annoy her so much and i hate myself bc i love her a lot but i always measure myself#and regret everything i say bc i want to die die die#she deserves better lmao#and anyway if i do kill myself everyone has other ppl and they'll keep going and it'll be just fine#i cant stand this anymore dude i cant#everything keeps coming back i feel like im 11 again and depression is looming over me and choking me and pulling me down#and im locked in a room and i cant escape and all i see is how bad i am and how i just need to fucking dieeeee#anyways#anyways i dont even know what this was
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puppyeared · 3 months ago
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good morning sifloop nation
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al-luviec · 4 months ago
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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s0fter-sin · 7 months ago
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last thing i’ll say; people aren’t owed free content but creatives aren’t owed financial compensation either
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quietwingsinthesky · 8 months ago
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“least favorite” isn’t anywhere close to bad. it just shows how damn hard the competition is going, but we’re talking about gold medals all around for each actor i’ve seen portray the doctor so far.
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hecksupremechips · 6 months ago
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Having Ryuki thoughts and what really makes the ending of aini feel off to me is like. Ryuki kinda just like, doesn’t have any friends. Mizuki has plenty of friends, we know she’s good friends with Iris, Ota, and Aiba and then we also see her with Mame, Shoma, Kizuna, and Bibi and generally she just seems to be on good terms with everyone in the cast. But with Ryuki it’s not really like that. He doesn’t really form any meaningful relationships with the characters he meets in the game, at best theyre acquaintances. Boss doesn’t really know what to do with him and Ryuki can tell. He has Tama of course, no doubt shes his only family and they care deeply about each other, but you just know Ryuki feels uncertain because she’s an ai who was made to work with him, she’s his friend cuz she HAS to be. The only friend he’s ever actually made in his life is Date and Ryuki just. He attaches himself so strongly to Date he bases his sense of justice around Date he starts feeling like he can carry on because of Date he starts losing his mind and drinking himself to death because he loses Date HE HAS DATE BACK FOR 5 MINUTES AND THEN TAKES A BULLET FOR DATE. But we don’t really know what becomes of their relationship after everything that’s happened or if Ryuki can even allow himself to be around Date considering all his guilt. And when Ryuki gets shot and starts bleeding out the only person who goes to him is Date and like. Their time is so brief I forget it even happens. We dont get to react to it at all and honestly why would we? This game hasn’t given Mizuki and Ryuki a relationship so why would she feel strongly about him nearly dying? So then when we’re finally allowed to know if Ryuki is okay AFTER BEING SHOT it’s done as a surprise for Mizuki and Bibi which is just. So so weird cuz like I said Mizuki doesn’t really have a relationship with this guy and Bibi like, actively hates him. Its so weird and like it makes a lot of sense WHY he doesn’t have any friends cuz he isolates himself and is just in general very socially awkward and off putting but for the game to just kinda squeeze him into this friend group all of a sudden as a second thought without putting any effort into what his relationships with these people would be like it’s just. I hate it I really hate it
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trainingdummyrabbit · 2 months ago
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oh so the girlie who hates humans as a concept begins idolizing creatures that are literally fragments of the collective human psyche? okaaaaaaaay. 🙄
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feral-teeth · 7 months ago
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horses:
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batcavescolony · 7 months ago
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S5 E1 Supernatural
I SWEAR TO GOD! They need to take shots of holy water everytime they see each other! Bring back Cristo, this is ridiculous. But Meg's back! Bobby, sadly got possessed, but he resisted cus they were gonna make him hurt one of his boys 😭😭😭 John could never. This poor Nick dude is going through it, but he is funny. 'Ok Satan 🙄 tell me to quit drinking before bed' 'if it's all the same to you I'd like to wake up now' 'why the hell would I do something like that'. Dean is the vessel for Michael. All but two Angels are massive dicks. But guess who's back to save the boys? Castiel, being a bad ass and....carving things into the boys ribs.
AHHHHH BOBBY REASSURING SAM THAT IT WAS THE DEMON THAT TOLD HIM TO LOSE HIS NUMBER 😭😭😭 CUS BOBBY BELIEVES FAMILY IS FAMILY NO MATTER WHAT AND IT DON'T END IN BLOOD. But Dean doesn't think he can trust Sam anymore cus he took a demon's side over his brothers 😭😭😭
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faunsoda · 8 months ago
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puppyeared · 2 months ago
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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sapphoscorner · 7 months ago
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New pet peeve unlocked: OL fans being incapable of giving Tamarack a girlfriend but instead a "man that can protect her" like...from who? Sure she's insecure in step 2 but why are we making the girl in the group helpless and can only be rescued by a guy? Why a guy specifically? Why are Tamarack MCs only guys and never girls? Oh is it because you don't want the queer game to have queer relationships? Is it because you can't help but center men in your life?
Like, some of you need to ask yourselfs why you can only make guy MCs with tamarack and can only view her as an helpless victim
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nomidreams · 2 months ago
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god i finally watched new episodes my honest reaction is jgiwoaoKzmxmkwkakkak
#it kinda doesnt feel real for me idk why#like i do not actually process all of it??#tho I DO have ideas and thinking i did pay attention#maybe i've just had a wild day i guess#but also oh god vex'ahlia broke my heart#twice#first time were when scanlan was talking how he couldn't be at two places at the same time to help 'em and she said nobody gives a fuck#i feel so bad for scanlan rn i love him#haven't watched campaing to the bard's lament yet but oh fuck im too spoiled i do know what happens where (a little bit)#the second time was when she said she really cares for percy i started crying at that moment#also im a lil bit disappointed cuz i thought we would get percys death and vex's spech but we got “i open the door completly naked” scene ->#and im very happy we got it like oh wow i didn't expect that#but idk im just a girl and i love percahlia's slowburn#since i watched 64 eps of actual campaign it become hard for me to not compare campaign and tlovm cuz obviosly its very different#but with percahlia in tlovm we don't have hours and hours of campaign context#(we don't have percy making her arrows)#and i understand why cuz 100+ streams 3+ hours each is one thing and animated series with 12 eps of 25 minutes is another#but as i said previosly it is very hard for me to not compare it#by the way i do think changes in tlovm make sense#cuz like?? i think vex is more sharpy in tlovm than in campaign?? like#like she punced scanlan in first season and in campaign they are kinda good friends and i really love them??#*punched#and i think she's more ?? bossy i guess?? idk how to put it into words but in my head it makes sense “i open the door completly naked” ->#goes earlier than “i shouldve told you its yours” cuz shes playing pretend even more than in campaign???#acts like its casual when its actually isnt AT ALL#and im glad percy said “what is it i want” to vex cuz its kinda like that scene in campaign when percy talked to vax#when he called them all family for the first time and said he's trying to find what he wants in life#i love percy and vax dynamic btw#i wanted to write even more here but apparently i can do only 30 tags wtf#they want me to actually write posts oh no. hate to put it all in tags but im too nervous abt posting on the internet
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mercymornsimpathizer · 3 months ago
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💥💥💥uh oh! complaining alert!! 💥💥💥
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lemongogo · 4 months ago
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j need to get back into life drawing post haste
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#i think im losing . construction in my art#im forgetting how to draw bodies think. idk#literlaly so annoying . its like fun when u get the hang of things but then u neglect one aspect in pursuit of another#and then have to go back and touch up that old skill to try and balance jt and theres that brief period where#eveyrthing is harmonious and then it outpaces itself again and becomes ths juggling act#overall i enjoy it . the drawing sessions but smtimes finding the will 2 get out of bed is like pulling teeth#bc i know im never going 2 walk out of there feeling satisfied but . actually idc#a lot of my pals . my friends there r a couple of decades older than me and they have the best advice tbh#randy. and donna . randy and donna and third guy whose name i forget . -> if u r satisfied at the end of a session did u rly learn anything#always want 2 improve . right right#UARHGHQHHH ill do it ill go . im scared bc i feel like it tends to artblock me#bc i start getting in my head ab what i know/see vs what i can only draw#but im sooo addicted 2 wanting to get better . i want to draw like a million people i see on here who have that great construction and#weight and anatomy and dynamism . i want to be like u . ill work to be like u ill try#and i feel like ive negelcted my basics for soo long .. i need to get ths foam shapes and a lamp . NOWWWW#yotasuke#i miss yotasuke so much.damn. thats crazy . anyways#the way he points out that yatoras dedication/hard work is a talent . like ueah . i agree w him im envious of that r u kidding me#and ytora walkimg arnd like oh u have it so easy ytsk. he needs to shut the hell up smtimes#i meed to see them eviscerate each other blood and all.#spongebob icecream truck- not that yatoras hard work isnt Also a skill but ykwim . if youve read YKWIMM#bc he was always like woe is me im soo untalented and its like no bro u r you just manifest it differently . that natural drive is a talent#but that natural drive also takes skill to foster and nurture else it has no purpose .#no i cant be blp posting in the tags bye
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pocketramblr · 9 months ago
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Dash simulator
Blog 1: lol anyone else seeing a lot of strawberries in new recipes now? sometimes its fun but i really dont get the appeal of adding it to everything. why did you make strawberry garlic bread
Blog 2: u kno im not a fan of strawberries, i really like the rich sweet and sour notes from oranges, oranges and chocolate is such a good combo. i altered a recipe for a smoothie with oranges last week and it was soooo good ill give you my notes if you want Reblogged by: Blog 1: ahaha yesss i love chocolate and oranges
Blog 3: I canNOT believe the hate im seeing to strawberries right now, like, you know guys know the rule don't like don't bake right?? you know you can hit the back button right?? honestly what's wrong with yall
Open draft- wait guys you know there's a difference between leaving a comment on a recipe saying you hate strawberries and the recipe writer should never use them, and going to your own blog to say you don't really like strawberries, without naming any specific people or recipes right? you know there's a difference right?? - Save - Post - Discard
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Blog 4: why is everyone jumping on the strawberry hate train right now. what is wrong with you. Reblogged by: Blog 5: I knowwww like guys some people stop baking because of reading things like that, please stop it, if you don't like strawberries you can be quiet about it
Open draft- im so sorry if anyone's getting sent mean messages or comments about what they're writing and baking, but i'm literally not seeing any of that and if you are, please use the block button. but someone making a post on their own blog is not that, and if you can't see the irony in you being allowed to complain on personal blogs but not them i can't help you... - save- post- discard
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Blog 2: are strawberries even in season?
Blog 6: woo cherry pie!
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