#and they KNOW I'm autistic and they KNOW my other half is away and they KNOW I'm going to have to sort the dog

[unproduciblesmackdown]

among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically

& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.

obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?

anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"

[tealeavesandthorns]

//Don't know if I'm on the verge of a meltdown or a shutdown.

Having the longest rant in the tags and will delete later. Need to grab another CBD

[bladeofthestars]

.

[beatrice-otter]

The Other Half of the Social Model of Disability

Lots of people in fandom are aware of the Social Model of Disability, which is a direct contrast to the Medical Model of Disability. Problem is, most of those people only understand half of the Social Model.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, the "in a nutshell" version is that the medical model views disability as something that is broken and which needs to be fixed, and little or no consideration is given beyond trying to cure it (and little or no consideration is given to the needs and wishes of the person who has it). The social model of disability, on the other hand, says that the thing that disables a person is the way society treats them. So, for example, if someone is paralyzed and can't walk, what disables them from going places is buildings that are not wheelchair accessible. (Or possibly not being able to afford the right type of wheelchair.) Inaccessible spaces and support equipment you can't afford are choices society makes, not a problem with the disabled person.

People then take this to mean that the only problem with disability is the society that surrounds it, and therefore in some utopian future where capitalism is no more and neither is ableism or any other form of bigotry, all problems disabled people have will be solved.

Except that what I've just described is not actually what the social model of disability says. Or, rather, it's only half of what the social model of disability says.

The actual social model of disability begins with a distinction between impairments and disabilities. Impairments are parts of the body/brain that are nonstandard: for example, ears that do not hear (deafness), organs that don't work right (e.g. diabetes), limbs that don't work (paralysis), brain chemistry that causes distress (e.g. anxiety, depression), the list goes on. The impairment may or may not cause distress to the person who has it, depending on the type of impairment (how much pain it causes, etc.) and whether it's a lifelong thing they accept as part of themselves or something newly acquired that radically changes their life and prevents them from doing things they want to do.

And then you have the things that disable us, which are the social factors like "is there an accessible entrance," as described above.

If we ever do get a utopian world where everyone with a disability gets the support they need and all of society is designed to include people with disabilities, that doesn't mean the impairments go away. Life would be so much better for people with impairments, and it's worth working towards, but some impairments simply suck and would continue to suck no matter what.

Take my autism. A world where autism was accepted and supported would make my life so much easier ... and yet even then, my trouble sleeping and my tendency to hyperfixate on things that trigger my anxiety would still make my life worse. I don't want to be cured of my autism! That would change who I am on a fundamental level, and I like myself. My dream is not of a world where I am not autistic, but a world in which I am not penalized for being autistic and have the help I need. And even in that world, my autism will still sometimes cause me distress.

There are some impairments--conditions that come with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, etc.--where pretty much everyone with that impairment agrees that the ultimate goal is a cure. But nobody knows how long a cure will take to find (years? decades? centuries?), whereas focusing on the social things disabling you can lead to improvement in your daily life right now.

In conclusion: the social model of disability is very valuable, and much superior to the medical model on a number of levels. But: please don't forget that the social model makes a distinction between disability and impairments, and even if we reach every goal and get rid of all the social factors that disable people, some impairments will be fine and cause no distress to the people who have them, some will be a mixed bag, and some will still be major problems for the people who have them.

Also on Dreamwidth

[citruswriter]

ok ok hear me out.. rottmnt boys x an autistic reader who is sensitive to / scared of loud sounds so when the 4th of July comes around the reader pretty much just starts tripping balls and on the verge of a meltdown? This happens to me often so it would mean a lot to me

ROTTMNT Boys x ND Reader during 4th of July

Listen with me! ↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ

Warnings: Meltdown, lots of crying, nonverbalness with Raph and Donnie, fluff and comfort, neurodivergent/autistic Reader, Reader wears a bra in Donnie's section (ur wearing the fckn bra Joey).

A/N: Ok no bc last year the fireworks scared me so badly and I cried and I didn't know why bc fireworks never scared me before but I had a total meltdown and had to hide in the car while my husband gave me his noise cancelling headphones. 😭😭😭 W Husband.

It had been a long day for you. It was the 4th of July and you and your family had decided to have a potluck party. Of course you went, bringing food of your own and eating as you conversed with aunts, uncles, cousins, and the likes. After awhile the sun began to set and you decided it was time to get home before it got completely dark. Saying your goodbyes, you decided to call your favorite turtle.

"Yeah the potluck was good. The family really wants to meet you, you know?. I can only keep my boyfriend elusive for so long". You teased with a giggle. "Oh come on. You know it's not as simple as that. I'd love to meet your parents though". His voice came back. You went to reply, but a loud crack was heard in the sky, causing you to shriek. "Baby? Baby you ok?" His voice came, but it sounded far off. Your head began to spin and your chest felt tight, tears welling up in your eyes.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I forgot about the fucking fireworks was all you thought as you stumbled back, stumbling into a nearby wall, hand clutching your phone into a death grip. "Stay right there! I'm coming to get you!"

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Raphael x Reader 🧡

It wasn't long before you felt fingers wrap around your upper arms. You jerked away, sobbing and whipping your head around. "Shhhhh. It's just me, strawberry". A soothing voice came. "I'm going to pick you up ok?" All you could do was nod as Raph picked you up, pressing one ear to his chest as he covered the other with his hand. He sprang from rooftop to rooftop before finding his way to the lair.

Everything was so loud but as the two of you shimmied into the sewers, everything became muffled. "Do you wanna walk on your own?" He asked gently and you shook your head, clutching onto him for dear life. Raph nodded, carrying you down the sewer lines before reaching the lair. "I'm gonna take you to the room, ok?" He said gently, taking you to his bedroom and laying you down on his bed. "Do you need anything?" He asked and you chewed your lip in thought. He seemed to pick up on the fact that you were nonverbal.

"Do you want something to eat?" You shook your head no. "What about something to drink?" You thought before nodding. "Water?" No. "Juice?" Yes. He nodded and held out his hands. "Tap my left hand for apple juice, right hand for orange juice". He said and you thought for a moment before tapping one of his hands. He nodded and left for a moment. You pulled yourself up in a half sat up position, taking a few deep breaths to clear your still ringing head.

Your head jerked towards the door as Raph stepped back in, a glass full of juice. He smiled softly, sitting on the bed next to you and handing the glass to you. Shaky hands reached out to glass, grasping it firmly before bringing it up to your mouth to chug as much as you needed. A smack of your lips and a sigh left you before you handed the glass to him. "Thanks, Raphie." You croaked out with a soft smile.

"Anything for you." He said softly, crawling into bed with you to hold you close. "Wanna spend the night here? Pretty sure you have a few sets of jammies over here." He asked gently and you smiled up at him, hand reaching to gently cradle his jaw. "I'd love that. Thank you." You muttered before giving him a kiss.

"Anything for you, my love".

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Leonardo x Reader 🧡

It seemed like only moments before a hand grabbed yours. You whipped around to see your boyfriend, tears spilling over your cheeks as he grabbed his sword to portal. He pulled you through and suddenly... everything was quiet. You gasped a breath before sobbing. "It's ok. It's ok. I've got you." Leo's soft voice came as he wrapped his arms around you. You broke down sobbing, your ears still ringing from the fireworks.

Hands gently tugged you to the bed. "Wait here." He said before springing out. You whined as he left, clutching your head, but he returned only moments later. He handed a glass of water to you and you sucked it down within seconds. "Here." His gentle voice came as he crouched down, hands reaching to slowly take off your shoes. "Movie night sound good?" He asked, looking up to you with a soft smile and you nodded.

Leo turned on his TV, letting you pick the movie before taking the blanket he had snagged and spreading it over the bed. You seemed to visibly relax as you felt the pressure of the weighted blanket press into you. "Sometimes Donnie gets overstimulated and uses a weighted blanket to calm down, so I asked him if I could borrow it for you". He said with a proud grin and you smiled up at him, hands reaching for him to drag him into bed with you.

"My hero." You said softly, voice barely above a whisper. Leo's eyes seemed to light up. Maybe he wasn't the most experienced with relationships, but he always enjoyed making you happy and meeting your needs. "I love you, mi amor". He muttered, lips pressing a kiss to your temple. You hummed back and reached your hands up to cup his cheeks, angling him so you could give him a sweet kiss.

"I love you too, Leonardo".

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Donatello x Reader 🧡

Donnie found you within seconds. His heart almost broke as he saw you shaking and sobbing. Hands slipped a device over your ears and you looked up as the world became muffled. Noise cancelling headphones. "I've got you". He signed. It took you a moment to decipher it, you weren't as good at sign as he was. But eventually you nodded and he approached you, hands hovering over your body, silently asking if it was ok to touch you. You nodded and leaned forward towards him, legs shaky. Donnie scooped you up, holding you close as he used his tech to quickly bring the both of you to the lair.

Once you made it inside, he made it clear to his brothers that he would be unavailable for the night. One glance at your trembling body and tear stained face and they immediately understood. He brought you inside the lab, laying you on his bed before taking the headphones off. "You better now?" He asked softly, hand reaching up to caress your face. You took a deep breath and nodded. "Can you talk?" He asked and you shook your head, tapping your throat. Donnie just nodded in understanding. "Can I get you anything?"

You tilted your head to the side, trying to remember the signs he had taught you. "Tea. Heavy blanket." Was all you signed before your boyfriend kissed your forehead and got to work. You leaned up against the wall, breathing deeply as you tried to calm your nerves. "Aaaaaand here you go." He said with a soft smile, handing you a cup of tea before spreading the weighted blanket over you. "If you need me, I'll be at my desk working, ok?" He said and you nodded, lifting your head for a kiss. Donnie just chuckled, bending down kiss your lips before leaving you to your own devices. You scrolled on your phone as you drank your tea, slowly relaxing more and more.

Eventually you felt sleepy, yawning and stretching your arms. The motion caught Donnie's eye and he smiled over at you lovingly before pulling himself away from his work. "Is it bedtime?" He asked and you nodded, taking off your jeans so you could lay down comfortably. "Want one of my hoodies?" He asked and you gazed up at him, blinking slowly before nodding. He went to snag a comfy sweater, coming back to see you taking off your shirt and struggling with your bra. "Let me, dove". He murmured, snapping your bra off and kissing your shoulder as he helped you slide it off before handing you the hoodie to shimmy into.

You smiled contently before laying down. Donnie took off his gear before laying down with you. "You know, I think I'm awfully tired myself." He said, snuggling into you and you looked up at him with a giggle, grabbing his face gently to pepper his face with kisses. Donnie couldn't help but let out a few chirps, nuzzling into your hands.

"You're too sweet to me, Donnie". You murmured, snuggling into him. Donnie just smiled softly, gently grasping your jaw so he could give you a bunch of kisses on your lips and cheeks. You giggled sleepily. "Mkay stawp. It bedtime". You said, speech slurred with how tired you were. Donnie smiled and held you close, hand tangled in your hair. As he watched you sleep, he couldn't help but stare at you lovingly.

"What did I do to deserve you?"

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Michaelangelo x Reader 🧡

You were clutching your chest, the fireworks ringing in your head. Two hands gently grasped your shoulders and you jerked your head up, blurry vision focusing enough to see your boyfriend. You sobbed and stumbled into his arms. Clutching onto him as he opened a portal and pulled you through and into his bedroom. You collapsed to your knees, hugging yourself and rocking softly in an attempt to calm yourself. Mikey crouched down in front of you, face worried. "Hey. Hey it's ok. C-Can I touch you?" He asked gently, tone unsure.

You took a deep breath and nodded. Mikey opened his arms and tugged you into his embrace. He whispered sweet things into your ear, one hand in your hair and the other half way up your shirt as he rubbed circles on your bare side. You clutched him close, doing your best to take deep breaths and ground yourself in reality. Eventually your breathing evened out and you nuzzled into his neck. "You a bit better, sunshine?" He asked softly, nuzzling you back as you nodded. "I could really go for a shower..." You sighed out. "You wanna take one alone or are you good if I join you?" He asked softly and you hummed in thought before lifting your head. "I'd like to take one with you if that's ok".

Mikey just chirped and excitedly nodded. "Of course, sunshine." He said before rushing off to the bathroom to start a shower. You chuckled softly, digging through his dresser to get a pair of the jammies he had gotten you forever ago. "It's ready!" Came his voice. You undressed and got into the shower with him.

The two of you took your time. Him washing your hair, you scrubbing his shell, him messaging your body with the body soap, you attacking his cute face with kisses. The two of you just spent time to decompress, you especially after the meltdown you had. "Feeling better?" Mikey asked once more and you smiled softly, hugging him and resting your head on his plastron. "Much. Thank you so much". You replied.

Mikey kissed your forehead and grinned. "You wanna get some pizza and play video games after this?" He asked, hopeful that you weren't too exhausted to pass up gaming. You looked up at him mischievously and giggled. "You already know it. I'm gonna kick your ass". Mikey laughed and squeezed your sides. "Oh you're so on".

You and Mikey spent the rest of the night eating pizza and playing video games, loudly talking shit to one another and winning rounds against each other until the two of you were so tired and ready to go to bed.

"I love you so much". He churred out, fingers tracing the features of your face. You hummed and nuzzled into his wrist. "I love you too, darling." You tilted your head to place a soft kiss to his mouth. His hand slid up to your face, gently deepening the kiss before pulling away and snuggling into you.

"My beautiful angel".

Haiiiiiii. Hope ya'll enjoyed dis. Fanks and byeeeeeee.

[imbadatwrighting]

ARTISTS ARE ATTRACTIVE

SUMMARY: Tim Drake was never know for being the most attractive brother, but you always found a way to make him think he was…even if you did it in a unusual way with your weird staring problem.

WARNINGS: Artists are attractive troupe, hinted that reader can be mean to others, hinted autistic reader, Tim Drake in love, gn!reader, masc! Reader, reader being called “boyfriend”, blunt!reader, crappy writing bc I wrote this half asleep, reader wearing a tie, ooc Tim, short

PAIRINGS: Tim Drake/Reader

Tim Drake had a lot of things: brothers, computers, coffee. But he only had one boyfriend. A mean yet sweet boyfriend who apparently was having a major staring problem.

It wasn’t hard for Tim to realize you were staring him down from across the couch while he was trying to finish long past due work.

Your eyes seemed to be roaming all over his body as if you were trying to memorize his figure’s pose.

Tim let out an almost inaudible sigh, turning his body to face you. "Can I help you?"

"No,” you breathed out, not removing your gaze from your boyfriend.

"Ok then," Tim whispered, moving his body to fully face his Mac book once again. Sure, he was used to you staring at him almost all day while he talked to his brother or was working, but you never made it this obvious. He was used to you looking away when you suspected that he would turn to look at you. He always found it a cute little quirk of yours, but it just felt different this time. In a good way of course, but still.

Tim took in a deep breath, looking at you from the corner of his eye. He could see the way your finger tapped along the table next to you in a rhythm only known to you and how your hair was slowly falling into your eyes. It didn’t falter your staring problem however.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

You hummed, “looking at you.”

Tim let out another sigh, closing his Mac knowing that he won’t be able to concentrate on it for much longer. He would get back to it later when your asleep or fixating on something else. “I get that.”

“Then why’d you ask?” you questioned.

Your boyfriend made a sound unfamiliar to you. “I meant why are you staring at me?”

“Because I want to remember you.” A look of confusion washed over Tim’s face.

“I have a feeling you won’t be forgetting me soon, unless you know something I don’t.”

“No.”

“No?” he repeated. Usually by now you’d be getting to your point, leaving nothing in the dark. It was like your T.M.I button was disabled. Not like Tim cared, he loved to hear you ramble on about something while he’s doing work, it brings him a peace of mind.

“You look good.”

There it was.

Blush started to form on Tim’s checks along with a small grin. “Do I?” Tim smiled. He noticed the look of pure adoration on your face, it always made him feel good about himself.

“Yes, you look very attractive. I'm trying to enshrine this into my mind to draw later,” you stated like it was nothing. To you isn’t wasn’t, you were just being honest, but to Tim it made him feel butterflies all over again.

He wasn’t used to it. His family never said things like that to him, barely praising anything he did. You didn’t either, not in a bad way, you showed your love in a different way.

“What got you thinking on that?” He assumed it had something to do with his brothers that you talked to earlier this day.

“Your brothers,” you told. Of course it was his brothers. “Damian said that you were a bad muse but I don’t think so. You’re plenty attractive, making you a perfect muse.”

Tim felt like his face was turning into a tomato because of you. Trying his best to ignore it, he looked down at his dirty shoes. They were covered in coffee stains at least a couple weeks old.

“Do you think that the artists are attractive too? Because I think the artist right next to me is very attractive.”

Tim noticed that your fingers stopped tapping on his stained coffee table and you turned yourself to be facing Tim.

His face moved in your direction, blush even more distinguishable.

Your eyes looked almost doe-like when looking at your boyfriend and your lips were pursed in a straight line.

“What? You have anything to say?” Tim asked. His nerves were getting to him. He knew perfectly well he had no reason to feel this but his brain was fighting against it.

“I wouldn’t say all artists are attractive, like Van Gogh! He was labeled as ugly, ungracious, impolite—” you rambled getting cut off by your boyfriend pulling you into a quiet kiss, his warm lips on yours.

Slowly pulling apart, Tim stared at your glistening eyes. “I wasn’t talking about him, I was talking about you.”

“Oh.” Not wanting to mess with whether you get another kiss, you ignored the confused thoughts in your head, leaning back into Tim.

He smiled at the expression on your face. Anyone else would be dead before they saw it, but he wasn’t anyone else. He was the one that could break down your walls like you did to him.

Tim inched away, his hand still gripping onto your tie. It seemed like every time you leaned in, he leaned further away.

“Let me kiss you,” you whined. A bigger grin appeared on your lover’s face.

“I have work to do,” he hummed, fully pulling away from you. You grabbed onto his arm dragging yourself closer to him.

“I’ll make you coffee. The good kind too,” you grinned. Tim faked thinking it through, pushing you gently off the couch.

“Fine, but be quick.”

You laughed, dragging Tim up and to the kitchen while he let out complaints about how he shouldn’t be the one getting up to go to the kitchen.

You pushed him into the counter, lips chasing after his. “You know, the deal was meant for you to make me coffee then we kiss,” he said in between breaks for air.

“That’s stupid. I have stuff to do.”

“Oh yeah that drawing is super important,” he laughed, his tone lost in your ears.

“Exactly,” you huffed, continuing to pepper kisses along Tim’s face and neck. His hands trailed down you arms, enjoying the break your giving him from work.

His artist always knew how to make him feel good.

[correctproseka]

An essay on autistic Mafuyu

Coming from a very autistic person.

Mafuyu has a bunch of autism symptoms, but a lot of them can also be explained by other reasons, such as her upbring and trauma, but not all of them, so I'm going to start speaking about the explainable by other things traits and move up to "boy you're tism". (Notw that the trauma explanation can also have a pre-disposition to happen due to tism)

In the biggest "can be explained by her trauma" category, we actually have the biggest reason people headcanon her as autistic. Her Alexithymia. Which is just a fancy word for "can't recognize her own feelings". No i did not have to copy paste that name to not write it wrong. Yes, many autistic people are bad at recognizing their own feelings, me included. But we also have to note that Mafuyu absolutely hid away those feelings for a mask and because they were needs not being met, a "good girl" like her doesnt get sad or angry right? Thats what made her push down those feelings so much she just ended up.. numb. Its extremely common in depression as well as autism which made me personally not realize i was depressed until someone made me put it into words, it was similar to my normal.

Theres also her.. exquisite vocabulary, Mafuyu uses lots of fancy terms sometimes, which is very stereotypical white boy autism. But also, she was pushed books down her throat by her mom since she was a child, she was expected to be this "fancy" and "smart-sounding". So she is.

Observant. Mafuyu doesn't talk a lot, she observes. She can recognize things on others sometimes, but mostly about the environment, which can be an autism noticing a bird singing 5 blocks away or a trauma "i need to notice this or i get fucked" reaction.

Mafuyu as mentioned, tends to listen more than speak, I am personally not this kind of autism, but it exists, Mafuyu is quiet, listening and only speaking when she feels her input is needed. This can be simply a mixture of autism and trauma. She doesn't feel the need to speak, so she doesn't, why would she waste her energy like that? Smh.. but also her good girl mask is supposed to be a good listener, not much of a yapper.

Now we are starting to move onto the things she does that are less explained by trauma and more explained by tism. Which is my favorite part to analyze.

Parallel play: Mafuyu seeks comfort with being with niigo and working alongside them, she doesn't even need to be talking, as seen by the kitty event where she kept just listening to them on earphones, she just wants to be near her people and gets calmed down by being with them.

Bluntness. As an autistic person i am extremely blunt in wrong situations, and can easily not recognize its the wrong situation. Per example Mafuyu's "why dont you imagine you're gonna get killed if you dont do it in half an hour" or all the times she points something out to Ena and gets a scream back because it was the wrong time? Mafuyu says what she thinks and when out of the mask she really. Really. Lacks a filter, because she doesn't know when or what she's supposed to speak or not

She.. kind of needs people to say the obvious? Sometimes she doesnt realize whats going on, why she's reacting in a way, so and so. One of the reasons Mizuki had to tell her it's ok to run away. Mafuyu never considered it. It wasn't obvious for her like it would be for a lot of people, she's kind of very oblivious in emotional matters like that, and needs someone (coughs usually Mizuki) to explain something to her

There's probably more but im doing this in like 15 minutes.

Plus, all in all, she makes autistic people like me really relate to her, even if they can be mostly explained by trauma doesnt mean she doesn't show those signs or that they're only because of that, even the mask she uses is a known neurodivergent thing.

[ingravinoveritas]

Long time reader/lurker, first time writer. Have you seen the article Michael wrote for the mirror published on 15/8/2024? it won’t let me link it here, but it’s titled “Theatre changed my life“ and it’s a wonderful piece - I felt very sad to hear him speak of his father’s struggle with Alzheimer’s, but it always warms my heart to see all the good he’s doing with his charity work. It reminded me of hearing him speak so passionately about his charitable works on the Table Manners podcast

anyway- thanks for all you do in the fandom- I always enjoy your thoughtful and (sometimes racy) posts!

Hi there! Oh, it's so lovely to hear from a longtime reader/lurker. I appreciate you writing in! I did indeed see the article Michael wrote for The Mirror this past week. I'll post the link below, for folks who haven't gotten a chance to see it:

I didn't know that Michael's dad has Alzheimer's, and was so saddened to read about this and to imagine the pain his family must be feeling. One of the things that made me first fall in love with Michael is that he is such a brilliant storyteller, but in particular when he talks about people he really loves. He brings those people so completely to life because he wants you to know who they are. Meyrick has always seemed like such an almost larger-than-life character, and it felt like we knew him, in a way, from Michael's stories--especially the ones about his work as a Jack Nicholson lookalike. So it breaks my heart to know that Michael is having to see the threads of who his father is slowly slipping away.

I agree with you as well that it was lovely to read about Michael talking about his charity work. None of it felt braggadocios in the slightest--rather, it seemed like it was Michael saying, "I've done all these things, but there is still so much more to do, so many more people who need help." It seems like he doesn't even necessarily think of it as "charity work," but as essential efforts to create change. Things that should already be happening, but that for one reason or another aren't.

Michael never seems content, in that way, to rest on his laurels, and that may be why he is always keeping himself busy with film work, charity work, and so on. I love as well that he started Mab Gwalia to fund endeavors that he himself is unable to personally helm, but still supports and champions (ASD Rainbows and A Writing Chance are particularly close to my heart as a writer who also happens to be an autistic woman). I just hope he isn't overextending himself by trying to do too much, especially after spending the first half of this year playing Nye Bevan, which was so physically and mentally demanding on its own.

I also wanted to thank you for the kind words you said at the close of your message. There are times where it's difficult for me to tell what sort of presence I have in the fandom, or if I'm just shouting into the void (though I suppose we all are, in a way). So I am very glad to know that you are enjoying my posts (even if I do tend to overthink everything). My heartfelt gratitude to you for writing in! x

[freakenomenon]

Hi friend :] I want to understand Ellen as a character better and you seem to have a good grasp on her, so could I ask about your ideas for her? No pressure though either !

YOURE ASKING ME ABOUT MY IDEAS FOR ELLEN?? IVE WAITED YEARS FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME ABOUT MY IDEAS FOR ELLEN!!! /REF .. AGAIN

OKAY to start off. the biggest thing i noticed about her in particular that is pointed out better in the manual than it is displayed in the game is the fact she would rather run away or ignore a problem than actually deal with it and heal. and if you combine this with the fact she usually reacts to ( and CONFUSES ) her own fear with anger. or hostility.

stating herself that she hates crying because she knows she doesnt feel "sad" ,, she just wants to kicks someones ass. which is probably a trauma response. considering she grew up in a rather unsafe neighborhood, which resulted in the death of her brother and cousin. IM JUST RESTATING CANON HERE BUT MY POINT IS.

i feel like if in the game they reeled in the part of her character that is very clearly avoidant, distant and even frequently disassociative. they'd have. a character.

alongside the fact that it's implied she very clearly cannot grasp the concept of not being able to handle something. she's overcome almost everything in her life, but the moment she can't understand another humans feelings. or why another human would treat her the way. most of the people in her life have.

she's more familiar with algorithms than people after all. not to mention that nimdok ( ugh. ) says that ellen is honest to the point of being offensive. first of all fucking. Jesus autistic much. secondly this could also be due to her isolating herself and feeling more at home with her work and electronics than she is with people. a computer is easily fixable if she ends up fucking something up.

its not like you can remove a rom chip on a person and reprogram it to not feel insulted if you tell them they look like they have a dirty microwave. that is probably an oversimplification of my thoughts on that part, but you get the point.

now. to. just. get this part of her character out of the way. just. warning for mentions of rape , miscarriages and other nasty things ahead.

i am not saying that in the situation where someone were to rewrite the game. you have to completely remove the aspect of her being a victim of rape. i simply just think it could've been approached in a better way. as I've stated many times. personally i don't even know where to start with rewriting this aspect of her character??? the most i have is replacing the maintenance man with someone she might have known. just to add more to what I have. maybe a boss or coworker she was close with who exploited their position above her both in the workplace and within the more obvious racial bias of society at the time. using it against her as an excuse to break her boundaries, break down her defenses, and eventually take advantage of her. something like that. just so it has more of an impact on her as a whole, and make her relationship with intimacy and relationships with humans , platonic or not. more strained. having to scratch and fight with the core of her being that wants. and deserves proper intimacy and general care. to keep herself safe. to prevent herself from being violated like that again. her vulnerability is what caused her to end up in that spot. she cant let that happen again. she cant be a hopeless victim again. not again.

yknow because thats how trauma works. it actually effects the victims life in ways other than just ending up with fucked up trigger and a fucked up phobia. wow.

now to the other part of this. I'm. going to be so honest. I would just scrap the miscarriage stuff and the existence of eddie as a whole.

it's so meaningless and minuscule in her character that i bet my pinky toe that half the fandom would look at you like you just said something TED levels of crazy if you brought it up without further grueling context.

.. that's. actually all I've got for now if you trim off me just asking to further establish aspects of her character that i think are interesting. if you've got any questions ill be more than happy to answer! <3

[taboo-delusion]

So, I just discovered something interesting.

This is a bit of a long one, so bear with me. It's important. Seriously.

I just woke up a few hours ago. My meds are starting to kick in. I was having a very serious and genuine, deep conversation (in-head) and it was... beautiful. It wasn't happy, but it was beautiful. Not the point.

Point is:

I had not had a single fucking intrusive thought today until someone made a noise in the other room.

I am so fucking PISSED OFF

Why my brain refuses to realize that intrusive thoughts CAUSED the good feeling to go away, I have no fucking idea. I've known that for almost a year now, yet my stupid fucking subconscious refuses to change anything it's doing

Before I snap my fucking android phone in half and yeet somebody's face into neptune, I thought I'd share the discovery!!!!

Basically:

MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DID NOT START UNTIL SOMETHING STARTLED ME OUT OF FOCUS

AS I TYPE THIS, I REALIZE THAT INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS -AT LEAST FOR ADHDERS- ARE A SURVIVAL TACTIC.

Elaborating:

When you fall asleep and your heart slows too much, your body does the falling thing to make sure you're still alive.

It's not that intrusive thoughts are *Just* because your brain gets too quiet, It's because your life has never been completely quite before, or -like me- the few times it is quiet, something interrupts. And even if it doesn't piss you off, even if you don't jump like I do, your brain still registers it as not safe.

--

Falling asleep, heart slows a lot-

Body: *Sends adrenaline just to make sure it still actually works.*

Drowning, even mostly unconscious-

Body and brain: *Hold onto that last half-breath even if it feels like you're head is going to explode.*

Going grocery shopping or talking to someone you think is cool-

Brain: *Remembers what it felt like the first time your guardian was indifferent or mean about something that made you happy or calm.*

Things around you actually get quiet-

Brain *Sends a thought you hate just to make sure you're prepared for a sudden problem.*

TDLR 1: Your brain isn't mean on purpose, It's just paranoid and still has a will to live.

Listen. I know I'm just some random dude from a weird blog. But I'm trying to translate, to assist. Maybe somebody else needs this realization as much as I do. I apologize for the yelling earlier. I'm still just as upset, but only at my dumbass subconscious. Now some time has passed, and I have regained self-control.

(I also apologize for the above paragraph, my brain nags for me to do this, but I can't remember why. So:)

I am no psychologist. Here are my qualifications (why you should listen to me):

As my friends call it- "Disturbingly self-aware at all times."

Paranoid Schizophrenic with actual (unrelated) OCD, with years of experience dealing with it- more healthily in recent years.

Philosophy and deep thinking is simply my default. I use metaphors, but everything in this post is entirely literal, ...except the angry threat. (*begrudgingly accepts disappointment*)

I am a fiction writer. I don't know about healing people/first aid, but I know a LOT about how anatomy works, with many deep-dives on the psychology/evolution side.

People irl generally consider me a genius? Idk how to gauge that, IQ tests are irrelevant with this type of... smart?. I've been compared to both Da Vinci and Einstein. So, ...actually that's pretty fuckin' cool- (I AM NOT TRYING TO BRAG! I APOLOGIZE IF IT COMES OFF THAT WAY! I've never put it all down like this, and I'm just surprised and questioning my reputation.)

(Also, I love playing detective, so naturally I call myself Batman XD.)

Autistic; I experience the world, and every situation, from a view without any context.

ADHD: My brain automatically -As a guardian I hate describes- "Can watch three different movies at the same time, all in fast forward, and can keep up with all of them." ... Well, yes, but technically no. Idk if other ADHD people do this, but my brain "connects the dots" so quickly, I end up laughing at jokes I've never heard before the 'punchline', because I've already figured out what you're going to say next.

Now combine all that. I am kicking depression's ass and now I want to help you do the same.

I have only mentioned the relevant things. Please keep in mind that ALL of these have both advantages and disasters. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I am running on four hours of sleep. For the love of whatever, I hope this actually helps someone other than me.

Qualifications are noted because: This is all stuff (and stuff like this) that I am just always casually aware of.

TLDR2: Even if I wasn't trying to help people feel better, Apparently I was born with a nat 20 perception/insight check, so please don't argue that I truly understand what I'm talking about here.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mom to stop singing?

okay so a couple months back i (a uni student) moved out of my old apartment and back in with my parents while i try to find a new one. the only issue is, since i first moved away, my parents had moved into a smaller house than they had when me and my siblings were growing up. they now have their bedroom and my dad's study, but no additional bed or guest rooms. for this reason, i have been sleeping on their living room couch.

my mom also doesn't have a room of her own, so her laptop is also in the living room, as is mine. so basically the living room is our shared domain for the time we spend at home. i have class and friends to spend time with, so i'm away relatively frequently (though i'm on winter break now of course), while my mom is retired and is at home basically 95% of the time year-round.

me and my mom both listen to music a lot and our tastes do not overlap basically at all. i listen mostly to indie, folk, rock, the kind of stuff white queer kids love, while my mom's music is almost entirely soulful christian pop about big j and stuff.

up until recently, my mom didn't wear headphones. she'd play music directly from her laptop speakers. this obviously bothered me somewhat, but i hadn't said anything about it. recently (i.e. a couple weeks ago) i asked her if she'd consider starting to wear headphones, which she has for the most part, though sometimes she forgets. i just kinda let her do whatever if she does, i haven't mentioned it again since.

so that's the first time i asked my mom to be quieter, and i don't think i'm an asshole for that. my worry is about the second time. you see, over the last week, she's taken to singing along to her tunes. maybe she did that before and i just didn't notice over the actual song itself? anyway, i can definitely hear it now.

and of course it's not the best musical performance, it's a lady with little singing experience belting along to her favourite songs, but it's not really about the quality of the singing. i don't like the music she likes and would prefer not to listen to it, is all.

today, whilst she was singing, i gently asked her: "could you stop singing?" i didn't mean forever, just in that moment. i really tried to say it in a nice way, and i don't think i sounded particularly rude? it should be noted, though, that my parents do seem to think of me as some kind of sensitive sally intent on criticizing every little thing they do. that feeling does kind of go both ways, but i admit sometimes i can be harsh on my mom, because she can be overbearing and a bit neurotic, and i don't really get to have the space i wish i could, especially not now when i'm living with them.

anyway, so i ask: "could you stop singing?" and my mom says something like "okay- well, i would prefer not to." the way she said it really made it sound like i had hurt her feelings. so i said, "okay. that's alright. you can sing." she stopped singing and has been sort of running around for the last 10 minutes or so restlessly doing random things.

my parents are that kind of people who are really really deep in "politeness" and genuinely baffle me since i'm autistic (like, a couple of days ago we had some leftover cake, and my dad straight up forced me to take half of what was left over even though i said i didn't want it. i still don't really know why?) so i'm sure even though i said "okay, nevermind then," my mom didn't believe me.

while she was running around doing random things, i told her, "sorry if i hurt your feelings." and she said, "oh, it's nothing." i genuinely don't know if i'm in the wrong here. i feel like, on the one hand, this is a space we have to share, and i should have the right to ask her not to make noise (i always wear headphones and never sing along to music or vc with friends when my parents are around), but on the other hand, it's her house, and she should have the right to sing in it, right? i don't know.

TL;DR: i asked my mom to stop singing in the only space for our computers in the house and i'm pretty sure it upset her. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[sillygoofyqueer]

Fellow non-heterosexuals, fellow they/thems, other people that haunt my blog like ghosts.... I really like Wei Qingwei. I can hear you screaming now: "But Four, we never even MEET him in canon!! What are you talking about???" I have engineered an entire personality and appearance from him that you all have to read through now - the main bulk will be taken directly from messages of me blabbing my heart out to @fairsweetlonging, who I LOVE, because I BLABBERED ON FOR SO LONG.

In my mind, he definitely has facial scars (a lot of scars in general) and he's just...obsessed with weapons - you can't so much as breathe before he's telling you what swords would work well to you, or if another weapon would suit you better, and how your spiritual sword could be changed to fit you better if it doesn't already!!! He's autistic to me, so very autistic. (it's called projecting, I do it far too often) God forbid you ask this man how things are made, he has presentations ready for it. He definitely has like...a dark brown hair, darker than others and quite scruffy - he doesn't purposefully do anything to it, but it has been singed more times than he can count in the forges. I like to think that he's never not seen with it down but with a bandana (or a xianxia equivalent) holding it away from his face, much to the despair of his martial siblings and his head disciple. He so definitely is sweet to children and adults alike, but he's still a forger so it's a matter of the peak lords saying DON'T BE SCARED when they're talking to disciples and then they see this terrifying man, with burn and battle scars on every bit of exposed flesh, and yet a wild/sweet grin on his face. THIS man is obsessed with swords, you can see it so clearly. I also truly truly believe that he has tattoos of sword designs - I know that cultivation would heal them, but he only needs them long enough to bring them to fruition, so he always has different designs n shit!!!! this man is about swords the way Shen Yuan is about monsters. Every time Shen Yuan so much as touches upon monsters, it becomes a "oh, did you know that this weakness can kill that monster?" "yeah well, did YOU know that even without knowing the weakness, you can still kill it with THIS weapon??" Also also, because he knows so much about weapons, I feel like he HAS to know a lot about fighting styles. I feel like he's the one who helps decide what fighting styles each peaks use and which weapons would be best suited for the vibe of the peak and the disciple in question. He is THE lion that everyone thinks is going to kill them but NO. He sits there and relaxes. And yes, he is so used to the hot forges (he spends all of his time in there, even falling asleep in there) that the moment there's any sort of cold weather cropping up he is BUNDLED up in the thickest cloaks and layers ever. It's all immediately abandoned when he steps into the forge, but the moment he steps into the Peak Lord meetings, he has cloaks of all the colours tossed onto him because they don't want him to be COLD. He's their LION. He's loveable, and who doesn't like their charismatic BEAST of a man. He is often found charming everyone and with swarms of children clambering over him to try and get his attention. Mu Qingfang sees him the most often, on account of the injuries from the forge and getting too overexcited and letting the disciples forge/wield weapons too early - he has almost lost many fingers and even half of his arm on a memorable occasion (that time, Mu Qingfang actively shrieked when he was called to the scene and found Wei Qingwei holding his forearm with such interest, fully detached from his body ((if I get my way, they're in love))) I HAVE MORE TO SAY BUT THIS POST WILL NOT SAVE, SO I'M TWO PARTING THIS SHIT.

[agent-cakeshroom]

Having complicated thoughts on Brozone leaving. Half of me is like "HOW COULD THEY LEAVE BRANCH he was a babyyy and he suffered so much"

On the other hand, pretty sure they were kids too. Teens at most. And they left him with an adult they trust, their Grandma. And they clearly didn't know about her getting eaten. Yeah, Branch absolutely doesn't have to forgive them, but they didn't technically do anything wrong either. The only one who promised to come back was Floyd.

I really wish the movie had addressed their parent(s) at least a little, just a smidgen. Cause, like... I understand JD wanting to run away from the responsibility of 4 brothers. I'm a middle child, but my mom moved multiple states away to take care of her siblings and left me with my dad and younger brother. Both of whom are autistic, and my dad has an insane host of health problems. So I've become mom 2.0 because I love them both and want to take care of them. But it can be VERY overwhelming, and if my dad couldn't help at all I might've caved and ran too. And I'm in my twenties. JD had to be like. 16???

That turned into a rant, and I lost my train of thought. Moving on, none of the brothers are really at fault. If anyone is at fault, it's the missing parent(s) or even Grandma. We don't know if she was the primary caretaker, or if she was too old to wrangle them all, or what. So she might not even be really at fault either. Would it have been nice for the brothers to come back and visit? YES! But JD did, and the tree was empty and he had no reason to believe anyone survived. He probably grieved Branch, and with how his colors have dulled a bit, JD may have even gone gray. It could be from age tho, we dunno. But then he got a postcard from Bruce, and probably heard rumors of Floyd's solo career. So he knew he at least had 2 brothers alive and well, so he kept living his life.

I've 100% lost the track, uh. No more thoughts lol

[shinobusupremecy]

Hi :3

Saw you're requests were open and that you added genshin to your thing, so I'm going against my better judgement rn.

(Oneshot) Yae Miko x gn autistic reader that takes everything at face value (like me), um angst because reader doesn't understand that miko is just teasing and they think she's actually annoyed 💀 anyways, obviously angst, but they talk it through with each other and she maybe realises her teasing isn't always a good idea.

Idk, I find the idea of miko being like "Oh shit, I fucked up" funny.

Yae Miko x gn!Reader

A/n: Now that you say it that reaction from Yae Miko would be hilarious! Thank you for requesting, you have the honour of being the first to request genshin and the first to request the one and only Yae Miko no less!

You can interpret this as platonic or romantic. It is a bit hard to tell in this fic I apologize😅

Word count: 1621

People in Inazuma city parted ways like the sea of moses from the way you ran, half putting on your shrine maiden clothes. You apologized when you nearly ran into people.

You had finally reached the foot of the mountain and you began running through the thousand red gates. The sun shined mercilessly down on you and you felt yourself beginning to sweat. You wanted to rest and just walk up but you were about to be late.

Running as you went you saw the floating rocks with the electrogana on it. If only you had an electro vision things would have been easier. Looking up the mountain again you saw you had a long way to go.

’Ahhh, all this hassle because I overslept!’ You internally cried.

After what felt like forever you finally reached the Narukami shrine. You went through the toji gate and bowed out of respect before going in.

The pink fox lady stood by the fox shaped sakura tree with her back turned. Her ear twitched and she let out a low hum.

”You know you really shouldn’t be late on your first day here. It is quite rude and makes for awful first impressions”

”I am sorry lady Yae Miko, you’re right. I shall do better!” You bowed to apologize. This was your first day working at the shrine as a shrine maiden. Yae Miko’s work quite frankly fascinated you so you wanted to work with her. Plus working with her meant some nice quality time for you two.

You saw two fingers snap right in front of you and you snapped out of your daydreaming.

“Honestly don’t go zoning out when I am about to give instructions. You really are out of it today”

“Yes yes, sorry about that”

”Ah well. The first thing to do is make sure the shrine is nice and tidy” Your eyes wandered around the shrine in search of something amiss before you heard an exasperated sigh.

”I meant look around the place. Go on, walk around” Yae sounded annoyed and with that you looked away a little ashamed before doing so.

You did find that some of the floorboards were dusty and since foxes roamed around there were a few things…littered.

”One must make sure the shrine is all nice and tidy before the people come. No one wants to pray with the smell of animal feces around do they or get their socks all dusty and slip” You nodded and then stood there…not knowing where the cleaning supplies are.

“Well? Get a move on” You jumped a little and turned to her.

“I don’t know where the cleaning supplies are”

Yae sighed again before smiling.

“If you used your two eyes your mother graced you with you would see it says ‘cleaning supplies’ over there” Yae pointed. Your cheeks grew a bit more red out of embarrassment.

‘This is so embarrassing? Does she treat every shrine maiden this way?’ You glanced at Yae who still looked at you. ’Is she annoyed with me?’

Taking the cleaning supplies you began to sweep the floorboards and clean up from the foxes.

”See? That wasn’t so hard? Only took you 10 minutes to understand everything and do what I say”

”That long!?” You yelled out in shock. No way it has already gone 10 minutes

”Yes that long. Is something wrong with you today? You’re usually not this slow” All these jabs you were getting started to really get on your nerves.

’Maybe she really is annoyed with me’ Your heart began sinking.

”It’s my first day working Yae, you know that” You countered earning a sigh from Yae.

”Mhmm I know but still, things like understanding a simple instruction like cleaning shouldn’t take that long” You nodded at her words.

“Hmf” Yae finished off and your heart began to sank a bit further.

‘What's up with her today? All of these remarks is starting to hurt' You thought before shaking your head. 'It will be better next time’

-

Next time came, again and again. No really big improvement on either part. You accidentally messed up a ritual and said the wrong words.

“...Walk forth and purify which is im-impure?” You said the wrong word and the stutter messed the whole ritual up leading to a annoyed sigh from Yae.

“We have gone over it a thousand times and you still don’t remember? The word is 'come' forth” You felt like she was jabbing at your heart or her words did.

Jab there, jab here.

“That’s not a way to sweep the floorboards, if anything you are just spreading the dust around” One jab.

“Why is your back so bent, posture straight or you’ll look like the shrimp I ate for lunch” Another jab.

You began fearing that you were more of a burden tothe shrine than helping. All these jabs from Yae Miko can’t be a mistake, she must be really annoyed. Not to mention she doesn’t do that with any other of the shrine maidens.

‘Fine! If she thinks I am a burden to the shrine then I won’t be coming’ Hurt, you came to that conclusion and stayed home.

-

Yae was waiting for you at the shrine. She tapped her foot on the floorboard impatiently before clicking her tongue.

’They must be late or something’ She concluded and went on her roundly checkup to see that everything on the shrine looks alright.

She had waited a while and you still haven't come, much to Yae’s annoyance. If you are sick just tell her. She looked down on the steep mountain however. Okay maybe not.

Eitherway you will probably come tomorrow.

Tomorrow came and you didn’t show up. Yae assumed you were sick and went on about her day.

When a week had gone by Yae didn’t really suspect anything. You could be sick, and from what she has learned humans can be sick for a week sometimes so that is what she assumed happened to you.

However when you didn’t come after that week she became really suspicious.

‘They had better not quit before telling me’ She thought bitterly. Enough was enough she decided and strode down the mountain to get to your house.

-

You were sitting on the couch of your home wondering if you should try to go to work again. You really wanted to, the job was cool, you loved Yae but what’s the point when she just seems annoyed by every single thing that you did?

Before you could think of finding her she found you first and knocked on your door. You got up and opened it to a menacing smiling Yae and a shiver ran up your spine.

“Well you look fine and dainty as ever. Care to tell me why you have been skipping work?” Yae asked and you inwardly sighed.

“I’m sorry it’s uh, complicated”

“It is nothing that I, Lady Yae Miko, can't understand. I have lived for several of hundred years and encountered many humans, I practically know you humans down to the bone. Now tell me, why have you been skipping work?”

“It’s just…I do like working at the shrine…but” You started slowly and Yae Miko stood there waiting.

“But?”

“I just feel like you are annoyed with me…you say these things” One of Yae Miko’s eyebrow rose and she let out a low questioning hum.

“I wanna work but every little thing I do is wrong. You say it all the time, either my posture isn’t right, I sweep the broom wrong, I’m slow for not knowing where the cleaning supplies are even though it is my first day”

“You…” Yae Miko began but you interrupted her

"I get that if I'm doing something wrong you should tell but the way you say it is really hurtful and minor things like not knowing where the cleaning supplies are on my first day is really...you know?" You nervously vented out in hopes of understanding.

Before Yae made you work she made it very clear to always tell her if something is wrong or if there is something you don't like. Communication is key and she lives strongly by that.

Yae lets out a heavy sigh.

“I see, so that’s what this has been about” You looked up to see Yae who to your surprised look troubled.

“I did say those things yes but I was merely teasing, I didn’t think you would take my words to heart”

“Just a ‘just kidding’ would be fine” You replied a bit sourly.

Yae scratched her head, her brows furrowing as she looked like she really was thinking hard. This was a new side to her you never thought you would see.

”I see now. I am…sorry I didn’t make it clear I was merely teasing. The things I said were far from the truth, I don’t think any of those things. You are hardworking and I see that you try” You stood there taking in Yae’s words. You felt relieved and your heart beated a bit faster.

”I will stop my teasing if it makes you that upset but please come back to the shrine. The mornings without you on the shrine is a lonely one for me” You looked at Yae and giggled. Seeing this side of her was interesting and fun, you couldn’t help but giggle a little.

”Sure, I’d like that” you replied and closed the door behind you.

”Perfect. Come now, I have a lot of new novels I have read the past few days while you were gone that I need to tell you about and when we reach the shrine you will get tea, you have been more than deserving for that”

[marcusbrutus]

I feel like I have a tumblr anon in my brain…. Like a tiny cop. But it’s an chronically online anonymous weirdo. And every thought I have, I get “anons” telling me how it’s problematic and I should kill my self LOL The other morning I saw an RFK sign and I thought doesn’t he have brain worms, someone running for president shouldn't have brain worms. maybe apply for literally any other job. and the anon was like ummm ableist much? Like WHAT. I turned off anon on tumblr a while ago, so even if I post something “risky”, someone will have to tell me what they think to my face. They can’t hide. Even posts I think are innocuous can be wildly misinterpreted, and someone will probably call me problematic. But even if no one says anything, I still hear it. In my brain. Sometimes I delete things because the thought is so strong. I’m probably not gonna make it to any heaven or enlightenment because I can’t forgive yourfaveisproblematic. In my mind, Tumblr was great before then, or at least it felt that way, and that blog sewed the seeds for cancel culture in the future. That stuff sticks to my brain, even if I don’t want it too. When you put sins like "said disabled people shouldn't be alive" on the same level as "has a tattoo in a language they don't natively speak," it is very confusing to a people-pleasing undiagnosed autistic 14 year old. I felt/feel like I can’t like anyone or anything because it’s ~problematic~ I worry it will never go away, because it affected me in my developing years, 14-19 I want to get better, but it’s hard. I wish I could run from the internet, but I can’t. It’s a part of life now. It’s how we stay connected. But it’s also like…. Idk. The internet used to be my safe space, right? Deviantart. Early tumblr. Seeing weird people like me made me feel less alone. I was a weeb surrounded by “preps” for lack of a better word, not that I didn’t have friends but NONE of them were into what I was into, you know? And no one became as obsessive about things like books and anime like I did, except online. But now it’s like, idk, corruption of the garden of Eden. But instead of me eating the fruit, the garden/internet ate the fruit. The world is too different now… I can’t keep up. And it’s not just because I’m getting older. Things happen faster now. Trends will last half a year when in the past they would have lasted a decade. I hate knowing everything all of the time. I hate that my garden is now a cesspool.

I’m just angry that people on tumblr and lefty spaces online are so blind to their own propaganda, and calling it out is “hate.” Like idk, I guess I expected better from people who are supposed to be ~intellectuals~. Well, if YouTube video essays have taught me anything, style over substance goes a LONG way. And they’re like “oh we’re so compassionate and we want a better future” but they tell everyone to kill themselves and laugh when red states get devastated by natural disasters it's not just that but it's like…. if you're not constantly aware of everything, you're ~part ofthe problem~ #wakeupamerica. silence is violence, blah blah blah. it's just hard because i grew up with a strict dad so learned to be a people pleaser. i'm extremely sensitive to guilt and shame. and all most of the internet has done since 2014 is shame everyone for everything. you're either with Us (good, pure, morally righteous) or you're with Them (problematic, evil). you don't want to be gasp problematic, do you? you don't want to have a callout post made about you and lose all your friends, right? well, keep you nose clean and reblog all the right posts so we know which side you're on an maybe, maybe we'll leave you alone. i have the stress of someone in debt to a mob boss. nah it's more like… i have the stress of everyone in the scarlet letter and im hoping everyone will keep their eyes on the Villain of the Week and leave me alone there's a decent video called "how to radicalize a normie." i say decent because it treats radicalization like a right-wing only issue and the "answer" to right wing radicalization is, of course left wing radicalization. "Even though they're on the bad, evil side, there's still hope because we can get them to our good, morally righteous side!" That kinda bs, and I say bs not in a left vs right way. According to my dad I'm a full blown communist! I'm saying it in the sense that the answer to radicalization isn't "just radicalize them to the other side." That's not at all helpful. You might as well tell an alcoholic who likes jameson to just switch to jack daniels. It's all poison, it's all harmful. ANYWAY, he talks about how most people don't set out to be radicalized, the politics comes to them. That happened to me - but on the left. And I'm sure if I left a comment on his video saying as much, he'd say it didn't happen or say it was a good thing. On tumblr, I came for anime. And for the first year, I got anime. But then I got really intense political stuff. "silence is violence." "i see you not reblogging this." "if you're not angry, you're not paying attention." I was 14-15, sheltered as fuck, I don't know anything about the world but now tumblr is convincing me that I know more about political issues than anyone. And it changed me. And it fucked me up. and I want to get unfucked. But I don't know how. I feel like an internet alcoholic. Like, even if I do stop using it, it will still be there, haunting me, forever, you know? because all my friends use it, not just you guys but irl friends. and the internet is effecting the real world. I miss the days when there was the internet, then there was reality. but now the internet is the reality. That's why I also fell so hard for the [REDACTED] stuff. Tumblr made me think everyone was [REDACTED] because like 99% of tumblr is [REDACTED], and I was worried about it because god help you if you question anything or show the slightest bit of concern. God help you if you're not full steam ahead on everything. I want to escape the matrix. I hate the hypocrisy…. And I hate even more that I’m also a hypocrite. I fall for group think and propaganda but act like I’m above it all. I hate social media but use it every day. YouTube too. I guess that’s why I get so mad when I see them act like that. It reminds me of me. People think the consequences of social media on a teenage girl are like "omg I was feeling good about myself….. but then I saw a model on Instagram… alas. I will never be her. I weep."

But it's more like: Oh my gosh, I just saw a post asking for mutual aid (aka MONEY, BABY) and I scrolled past. What if they died because they couldn’t afford food because I didn’t reblog their post? But what if I DID reblog their post, but it was a scam, and I led my followers to give money to someone who didn’t need it instead of someone who did?

I was hoping to share more examples, but I'm worried someone will misinterpret, and even though anon is off, the anon in my brain is on. always. on. i keep going back to the internet because i keep expecting it to get good again… like how it was. for some reason, i can't accept that it will no longer be my safe space. i wish i had a massive angel to keep me out, or something. like the actual garden of eden. I have to accept that it will never get better. I have not only an addiction to the internet, but to the obsessive thoughts it brings. By wishing it will get better, and continuing to use it, I am chasing a dragon. That is to say, I'm hoping for the same feelings I got from initially using the internet. No one ever catches the dragon. anyway, if you read all that... thank you so much! i'm taking a break from the internet, until mid november at least. maybe by then, it will be better. or not. we'll see.

[hazelnut-u-out]

What would your ideal Morty therapy appointment look like (assuming that he went alone)? 🤔

Going to try to answer this even though my brain feels like mush, lol.

So, there are quite a few things I'd like to see. Obviously, I wouldn't expect a single episode to actually tackle every aspect of what therapy would realistically look like for a character like Morty, but hey-- at this rate, every episode aside from 'Fear No Mort' that's attempted to psychoanalyze him hasn't done the best job, I fear... *cough cough*

Anyway, here are some of the things I'd like to see addressed in an actual therapy setting (importantly, not some other form of psychoanalysis, like the Fear Hole, Roy, etc.):

Autism/Pilot Disability

It bothers me every day that the writers never followed up on that throw-away line about Morty having a disability in the pilot. Obviously, I headcanon that he's autistic (I mean, surely that's half of the dynamic with Rick right there, lol). I personally think that Rick and Morty have some autistic traits that present to the opposing extremes. For example, I think Rick struggles with hypo-empathy and Morty with hyper-empathy. I think Rick excels in math where Morty excels in English/literature. I think Rick struggles to mask and Morty is high masking. Rick just doesn't people please to survive in the same way Morty has been socialized to. (Most of this is my interpretation of the characters, but there are scenes that back up my points, as I'm sure you've caught onto, haha.) I think it would be cool to see Morty open up about feeling ostracized from his peers, struggling to make friends his own age, struggling with feelings of being 'behind'/weird/awkward, and how all of that made him the perfect victim. This is probably the least likely of my wants to be addressed in a therapy setting. I think that if they confirm it, it'd be in a pretty lowkey way, similar to what they did with Rick. I think the cold open for 'Mort: Ragnarick' might've actually been an indication that Morty isn't neurotypical, but we knew that already. I actually sort of headcanon Goldenfold's class as a remedial math course because of how simple the math seems to be, though I'm sure it was initially just some math they threw in for the pilot.

2. Grooming...

This is a tough one to include. Morty has been with WAYYY too many older women throughout the course of the show, but Planetina in particular gives me the chills. I would love to see how that's impacted him, or maybe even how his abusive dynamic with Rick and his neglectful relationship with his parents pushed him into that vulnerable position even more.

3. Mommy Issues (or neglectful parenting in general)

This one is a good follow-up for the last one. Morty's dynamic with Beth in 'A Rickconvenient Mort' is something I literally get up in the middle of the night just to think about. It makes my chest ache. I think it's because I know exactly how it feels to be Morty in that situation. When your parents constantly downplay your own feelings, put you in dangerous/vulnerable situations with reckless abandon, and completely shut you out emotionally it can feel like they just want to ruin your life when they try to protect you. To be honest, the show's dynamic wouldn't exist without Beth's negligence. Morty has two moms and neither of them have really tried to protect him. Even Jerry failed him.

4. Crying.

Idk, just lots of it. He deserves to cry about whatever he wants and be validated.

5. Justifying Rick's Actions

I would LOVE to see Morty try to explain Rick's actions away to someone who actually cares if he's being abused. I could see Morty say something to a therapist, there be a negative reaction or uncomfortable silence, and him try to say: 'It's really for my own good, though, you see...'/'You just don't know Rick the way I do. I'm the only one who really gets him...'/'It would break Mom's heart...'/'He would never hurt me on purpose...' Then to have a professional get in there and really debunk that internalized manipulation? I would die (in a good way).

5. Trauma Responses

They've sort of been hinting at this for a bit, but I think the whole point of Rick's improvement-- at least, in Morty's case-- is 'too little too late.' Rick may be getting better, but how is Morty supposed to trust him? Especially when Rick has been 'nice' for the express purpose of hurting him before? Even in his everyday life, I'm sure he has those moments of anxiety/dread/odd behavior because of the shit he's been through.

There's more, but my brain is fried right now, so maybe I'll revisit this ask later. Anyway, this was fun to think about! Thanks for asking! <3