#my mum is ALWAYS late to everything
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//Don't know if I'm on the verge of a meltdown or a shutdown.
Having the longest rant in the tags and will delete later. Need to grab another CBD
#;out of teaandplants#;tbd#//fucking families man#my mum is ALWAYS late to everything#everything#and so is the rest of my family#like they just don't seem to think about anyone else or how shit might affect like uhm I dunno timings#and they KNOW I'm autistic and they KNOW my other half is away and they KNOW I'm going to have to sort the dog#make sure he's tired and stuff and will behave in his crate before I go out#it's ALWAYS the freaking same and it always upsets me and frustrates me#it wouldn't be so bad if they let me know earlier#but apparently fuck that#turns out knowing what the f*ck is wrong with you and why changes in plans make you want to rip your own skin off doesn't actually freaking#help anything#this is the second time today#first the dog walker let me know LAST MINUTE they were cancelling 'swap it til tomorrow instead' throwing my day off and they're another on#who's always late#and apparently all this is my fault#and I bring it on myself because#I'm so good at masking everyone just thinks I'm this friendly affable mess they can mess around and I'll never get mad#because I'm masking to accomodate everyone but myself and it's so frustrating#people could tell me in advance but they leave it until the last minute#god I'm so annoyed#and frustrated#and I'm tired#and it's too warm and there's too much going on sensorily inside and outside for me to just chill#I'm getting another cbd#sorry#I needed to get it out
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Yes ask your friends for help, and I just wanna add there's no age limit on asking your friends to help you. I know that with age people think like they should be more and more self-reliant, shouldn't be "accepting handouts", shouldn't be bothering their friends because they have kids or jobs or houses. But don't forget that with growing self-reliance of your friends also usually grows their capacity to help! As does yours, when you get out of the bad place you are now, you can keep the help chain going.
everytime i see someone promoting crisis lines i just remember the times both a suicide hotline and a domestic violence hotline hung up on me lmao
#for example my mum's friend will be staying in our spare room this summer#yes this lady in her late 50s will be staying in the spare room of 30yo lesbian couple with a baby on the way#we don't mind this lady helped my mum to organize stuff at our wedding and I've known her since I was a baby#she is in a bad situation because of an abusive relationship and her old flat being under heavy reconstruction rn#and yes when the baby is born we will be accepting handouts left and right because a young couple with a baby always should#baby stuff (at least in my country) normally cycles around the community until it falls apart#it's all things you usually need for a few months or a few years tops and it's expensive and difficult to store#so usually even before your own kid grows out of nappies and strollers somebody already gives u an echo about another person expecting#and you go âbrilliant I can give them this and this and this but only probably like in a year?) and you just set everything up#and this is the whole point of community - to help eachother
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i really relate to the character of Belle (minus the being beautiful part)
#like how every day of her life is the same and how everyone around her just does the same chores every single day#like obviously those things have to be done#Belle wouldn't get very far if there wasn't a baker for example#all the people in the village do boring but necessary things#and Belle doesn't do anything to help loool#just reads all the time to try to escape how boring everything is#so this isn't a criticism of the villagers at all they are more productive than Belle is#but what i don't get is that they don't seem fed up of their lives and the endless repetitive days and chores??????#they seem happy?????#like i used to think that surely no one WANTED to live like that but i've seen quite a few people lately who claim to be content#with the most monotonous lives ever#which is good but i always assumed everyone else had that voice inside them saying LIFE CANNOT BE THIS BORING THERE HAS TO BE MORE TO IT#THAN THIS#turns out some people don't idk what's wrong with me then lol#i love my mum but she thinks i'm strange for not wanting to live in the real world and i'm like why would you want to?????
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Soooooo unsatisfied w life ion even get it
#personal#i came home vv late last night and I shouldn't have been that late and mum is rightfully upset and I've apologized#but now she won't trust me again and i want to so badly understand. why everything i do is so morally wrong for my parents#that even when im only trying to have fun it still disappoints them and im left w hollowness I've to sit with#i know shes stressed and I dont mean for her to be and i know i should be doing better but its insane that i want a life they disapprove of#and out of all the choices i could have picked. i chose this. out of all the choices its only these that feel like I'm alive.#...sigh...always 13 again disappointing v unhappy parents because im doing things they dont want me to but i can't help it#maybe i just need to shower?#also work. im so loose w work they will just fire me if i go on like this but im trying to be sincere but its just happening anymore.#i want more. i want more from work and study and life and parents. and I'd have to give more for that but why do i have to give before i get
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safety [ceo!h x shy!reader]
synopsis: harry is always there to help bambi, always.
word count: 5.4k
contains: ceo!harry x assitant!y/n, deer!reader vibes, fluff, age gap (9 years), harry meets the family, crybaby reader lowkey
a/n: apologies for this taking so long. I've moved into university and switched courses within three weeks so I've had to do a lot of adjusting! But I hope you're doing well, thank you so so so much for all the love on the first part of bambi and being so patient with this part <333
this is part 2 of bambi, read part 1 here
. . .
Y/N sighed as she stepped into the living room, her heart sinking at the sight of her mother passed out on the couch. It was Friday night, and her mom was still in her work uniform, one shoe barely hanging from her foot while the other lay haphazardly across the room. A wave of frustration and sadness hit her hard. She had begged her mom to take the day off to watch the boys so she could go on her date with Harry tonightâthe date sheâd been looking forward to all week.
This was supposed to be their third date, just before she started working with him at Pleasing this weekend. Their last date had been simpleâstrolling hand in hand by the river, talking about everything and nothing. But tonight was different. Harry had told her to dress up; he had something important to ask her and was taking her somewhere special. Y/N had been buzzing with excitement ever since.
Glancing at her phone, she felt the sting of tears. Halfway through her makeup, she now realized it didnât matterâsheâd have to cancel. With her mother out cold and no babysitter available at such short notice, the responsibility fell on her. And it was ruining everything.
She opened Harryâs contact on her phone, staring at the little pink heart next to his name. Her thumb hovered over the call button as doubt crept in. What if he never wanted to see her again after this? Cancelling last minute was embarrassing, and she dreaded how angry or disappointed Harry might be.
Her thumb pressed down, the ringing growing louder with each second. Anxiety gnawed at her as she picked at the skin around her nails.
Suddenly, the call connected, and Harryâs voice, smooth and soothing like a lullaby, poured through the speaker. âBambi? Was jusâ about to pick yâ up. You missinâ me already?â
Her lip trembled, and a tear slid down her cheek as she sniffled. âHarryâŠâ Her voice cracked.
âHey, whatâs wrong, love?â Concern filled his voice instantly, and the warmth of it made her chest tighten.
âI-I canât go on our date tonight,â she confessed, her voice shaky.
âWhat dâyou mean? Donât be silly, is something wrong?â His slight panic was clear, making her feel even worse.
âNo, itâs not like that. Itâs just⊠my mom came home late, and sheâs, um, not able to watch the boys, so I have to stay and babysit. Iâm really sorry, Harry. I wanted to go tonight, I swear. I understand if youâre mad orâif you never want to see me againââ
âWoah, woah, Bambi, baby, stop panickinâ. I donât hate you, not at all. Itâs closer to the opposite, so calm down, yeah? âM not goinâ anywhere.â
âOkay,â she whispered, her voice still thick with emotion. âYâpromise?â
âFive pinkie swears, baby,â he chuckled softly, making her giggle through the tears. âItâs alright. These things happen. But are you okay? Need me to grab you anything? Have yâeaten today?â
His kindness made her heart swell. âN-No, but weâve got stuff in the freezer I can heat up. Maybe we can reschedule?â
âBambi, Iâm already on my way to your house.â
Her breath hitched. âWhat? But, Harry, I canâtââ
âYou think Iâd let a little change of plans stop me from seeinâ you? Been needinâ to see mâBambi all day. How âbout this: you help your mum, and Iâll come by and make dinner for all of you. Sound good?â
Her heart skipped a beat. Was he real? Was he really this thoughtful, this willing to come over despite everything?
âHarry, you donât have toââ
âI want to. Now, go get in some comfy pjs, and Iâll stop by the store to grab snacks. Maybe we can watch a movie later. Does that sound good?â
âYeah,â she said, her voice lighter now. âThat sounds perfect.â
âAlright, Iâll be over in thirty minutes. Take a deep breath for me, Bambi.â
Immediate relief washed over her at the idea of having an extra pair of hands to help her with something that sheâd normally be left alone to and better yet it was Harry who was coming to help her. So, she did exactly that - breathe.Â
. . .Â
Y/N was pushing clothes into the washing machine when she heard the doorbell ring. Her heart skipped a beat or possibly maybe two when she heard it. She forced the door shut on the machine and walked to the front door. She frowned the closer she got when she could already hear Harryâs voice but that was soon followed by the voice of her younger brother.Â
âI know jujitsu, you know,â Archie announced, his small five-foot frame blocking the doorway.
âYou take classes?â Harry asked, bemused.
âNo, I learned it on Roblox,â Archie replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
âOh, I donât think Iâve heard of that one before. Youâll have to show me sometime,â Harry said with a grin.
Archie snorted. âYou could just be saying that to get into our house and rob us.â
Y/Nâs face heated with embarrassment as she approached the door, ushering Archie out of the way. Harryâs eyes lit up as soon as he saw her. âY/N, this pizza delivery guy is trying to break into our house,â Archie said. Y/N looked to see Harry holding two pizza boxes and a plastic bag.
âArchie,â Y/N gasped, âthis is not a pizza delivery man. This is Harry.â
Harry smiled, clearly trying not to laugh, and offered Archie a small wave. It did nothing to ease the suspicious look on Archieâs face. âWhoâs Harry?â
Y/N froze, unsure of how to answer. Harry was both her boss and the man she was dating, but she couldnât exactly explain that to her little brother. âHeâs... my special friend.â
Archie looked between them for a moment, then shrugged and wandered off. Y/Nâs shoulders sagged with relief as she turned to face Harry, who was still grinning at her. He looked incredibly handsome in his matching brown suit, his curly hair tousled in that familiar way. Her heart sank a little, knowing he had dressed up for their date.
âH-Harry, Iâm really sorryââ she began, but before she could finish, Harry set the pizza boxes down and pulled her into a tight embrace. She breathed in the fruity scent of his cologne as he gently rubbed circles on her back.
âBambi,â he murmured with a soft sigh, âI missed you.â
She smiled against his chest. âYou just saw me the other day, and we FaceTimed last night.â
Harry pulled back slightly, cupping her cheeks with his large hands. âKiss?â
Her cheeks flushed, as they always did when he asked for a kiss. She stood on her toes, meeting his lips, savouring the softness of his touch and the faint taste of peppermint from his lip balm.Â
âHave you eaten yet?â he murmured against her lips. âI brought pizza.â
âYou didnât have to,â Y/N sighed softly. âI was just going to throw something in the oven.â
âHey, Bambi.â She looked up, meeting his gaze already fixed on her. âI wanted to. Iâm here to help, okay? Now, why donât we eat this before it gets cold? You grab some plates, and Iâll set the table.â
âO-Oh, okay.â She nodded, a bit flustered. âJust so you know, my brothers can be⊠intense.â
Harry smiled, his expression easygoing. âItâs okay, Iâve got a niece. Iâm sure theyâll be fine.â
Y/N led him into the living room where her little brothers were scattered. Archie sat in the corner, hunched over the computer, likely playing the game he had mentioned to Harry earlier.
âWho are you?â a small voice piped up. Harry glanced down to see a boy around six or seven, looking at him curiously.
âThatâs Y/Nâs special friend,â Archie chimed in without even turning around from his game.
âWerenât you the guy making out with my sister the other night?â The eldest of the three boys, who looked about fourteen, spoke up from where he was watching TV. Despite his age, there was a maturity in his tone that caught Harry off guard.
Harry chuckled, feeling Y/N stiffen beside him. He gave the teenager a polite smile. âWell, I guess thatâs one way to put it.â
âSammy go and get the plates from the kitchen, Harry bought us pizza.â Sammy huffed, pausing the tv and doing exactly as his sister said.Â
âJack, can you grab an extra chair?â Y/N asked the youngest boy, her voice gentle but firm. Harry watched as the boys immediately followed their eldest sisterâs instructions without question. A small pang tugged at his chestâpart of him felt for her, having to shoulder the responsibility of looking after three growing boys. He didnât know every detail of her family life, but seeing the way they interacted was enough to tell him theyâd had to adapt quickly.
They all gathered around the table, two extra-large pizzas laid out in front of them. Harry chuckled at the sight of the boys eyeing the food like it was a rare treasure.
âCalm down,â he murmured with a grin, leaning close to Y/N. âYâ so stiff, Bambi.â
Y/N blushed, fidgeting slightly. âSorry, I just get soââ
âSo?â Harry interrupted, smirking as he tried to coax her into a fluster. âSo what, baby?â
âSo nervous,â Y/N huffed, her cheeks burning as she realized he was toying with her.
A throat cleared from across the table, and Y/N suddenly felt three pairs of eyes locked onto them. Jack and Archie looked disgusted by the coupleâs banter, while the eldest boy, Sammy, was glaring at Harry with an intensity that made Harry suppress a laugh.
âHow old are you?â Sammy asked bluntly, his gaze sharp and protective.
Y/N choked on her drink. âSammy! You canât just ask people thatâitâs rude!â
Harry chuckled, raising a hand to calm her. âNo, itâs alright,â he said, amused. âIâm thirty.â
âWhoa, youâre old!â Archie blurted out, eyes wide with surprise.
âArchie!â Y/N gasped, mortified, while Jack burst out laughing.
âI guess it is kind of old,â Harry shrugged playfully, glancing at Y/N with a wink.
âAre you rich?â Sammy pressed, undeterred.
Y/Nâs face flushed even more, praying the ground would open up and swallow her whole.
âI do well,â Harry replied, keeping his tone light. âI own a fashion company.â
âThat means heâs rich,â Archie chimed in, eyes lighting up. âDo you have a sports car?â
Harry leaned forward, whispering conspiratorially, âI own three.â
Archie gasped, his face a picture of awe. âNo wonder you can afford two extra-large pizzas!â
âIf you think thatâs cool, wait till you hear what else I brought,â Harry teased.
âCandy?â Archieâs eyes grew even wider, filled with excitement.
âBetter.â
âIce cream?â
Harry nodded. âIce cream, candy, whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles... you name it.â
Archie looked as though he might pass out from pure joy. Sweets after dinner werenât a common occurrence in their house unless it was a special occasion.
Harryâs smile softened as his eyes flicked to Sammy, who was still watching him with guarded suspicion. âWhat do you want from my sister?â Sammy finally asked, his tone sharp.
Y/N cringed, wishing she could disappear like Jack, who was contentedly munching on pizza, completely oblivious to the tension. Her cheeks were already burning before sheâd even taken a bite.
Harryâs hand found its way to her knee under the table, a silent reassurance that he knew exactly how she was feeling without her having to say a word.
âItâs still early,â Harry said honestly, his gaze meeting Sammyâs without faltering. âBut I really, really like your sister.â
Sammy seemed to relax at that, but not without a final warning. âYouâre not allowed to like her as much as we do.â
Y/Nâs heart squeezed at the words. Despite the challenges, the boys were her world, her best friends.
Harry smiled warmly, his voice sincere. âI wouldnât dream of it.â
. . .
"Y/N! Y/N! Y/N!" Archie came barreling into the kitchen, his face smeared with chocolate and whipped cream from the ice cream sundaes theyâd made earlier. Y/N was bent over the washing machine, pulling out clothes to hang on the makeshift line by the window.
"Harry says he's gonna take us to the indoor waterpark in the city for my birthday! Isn't that awesome? And he beat Sammy's score on the new game he bought us!"
Y/N glanced up, smiling softly at Archie's excitement. The boys had been glued to the computer for hours after Harry surprised them with a game theyâd been begging for. The sound of their wild laughter had echoed through the house all afternoon.
Footsteps approached the kitchen, and she looked up to see Harry standing in the doorway, a smirk tugging at his lips.
"Harry, I was just telling Y/N about the waterpark youâre taking us to," Archie said eagerly.
Harryâs eyes flicked to Y/N. "Ah, yes," he said, smiling at her. "I heard thereâs a certain someoneâs birthday coming up soon."
Archie's birthday was still a month away, and Y/N had only planned a simple celebrationâmovies, takeout, and cake. As Archie bolted from the kitchen, beaming about the waterpark, Y/Nâs smile faded slightly.
Harry noticed the shift immediately. "Whatâs wrong?" he asked, stepping closer and reaching for her hand. "Did I mess something up?"
"N-no," Y/N replied quickly, shaking her head. "You didnât do anything wrong. Itâs just... Archie's birthday isnât for another month."
Harry raised an eyebrow. "So?"
Y/N hesitated, her words stumbling over themselves. "I just donât want to make promises, you know, in case⊠I mean, what ifâŠ" She trailed off, struggling to find a way to express the growing anxiety in her chest. She adored Harry, more than she could articulate, but a part of her couldnât help worrying about the futureâthe uncertainties that came with letting someone new into their lives.
"Bambi," Harryâs voice was soft as he cupped her face, his thumb brushing her cheek. "Whereâd you go?"
She blinked, confused. "What do you mean?"
His lips quirked into a gentle smile. "Yâ do this thing where you space out, like your mind drifts off somewhere else âcause you're thinkinâ too much."
"I do that?" she asked, surprised.
"Mhm," he murmured, his thumb tracing the little furrow in her brow, the touch sending warmth through her. "I like you an awful lot, Bambi. I plan on stickin' around for a long time."
"You do?" Her voice was small, almost disbelieving.
"Yes, I do. And I really like your brothersâtheyâre a credit to you."
Y/N opened her mouth to deflect, as usual. "Oh, you mean my momâ"
"No," Harry interrupted gently, shaking his head. "I mean you."
Her lips parted in surprise, her eyes misting over. She hadnât expected that. She hadnât realized how much she needed to hear those words. Without thinking, she leaned up and pressed her lips to his, a kiss filled with the gratitude she couldn't quite express in words.
She was about to pull away, but Harry held her close, his hands gripping her hips as he deepened the kiss. His soft, warm lips made her head spin, and for a brief moment, the world around them disappeared.
That is, until Sammyâs voice rang out from the hallway. "Iâm coming in, so you better not be swapping saliva in there!"
Harry broke the kiss with a chuckle, glancing over his shoulder. "Alright, alright, weâre behaving," he teased, winking at Y/N before moving to the sink. "Let me help you," he offered, turning on the faucet to start washing the dishes from dinner.
Y/N watched him for a moment, her heart swelling with warmth. The words heâd spoken earlier echoed in her mindâwords that had already begun to feel familiar, but only when they came from him.
. . .
Y/N woke up the following morning, not from the alarm sheâd set for 6 a.m., but from the rapid thumping of her heart. Anxiety rippled through her, making her stomach twist with nerves. Today was her first day working at Pleasing, her first day officially under Harryâs employment. She was excited, of course, but that didnât stop the butterflies in her belly from multiplying.
She stared up at the ceiling for a few moments, taking slow breaths to calm herself. Her phone buzzed softly on the nightstand, and she reached over, her fingers trembling slightly as she opened the message.
Harry: Morning, Bambi đ Thereâs a car on its way to pick you up. No need to stress, yeah? Iâll be waiting for you at the office. Youâre gonna be amazing x
A small smile crept onto her face despite the nerves. Harryâs words were like a warm hug on a cold morning, making her feel just a little bit braver. She couldnât help but appreciate how he seemed to know exactly what she needed to hear, right when she needed to hear it.
She quickly typed a reply, her fingers still shaky.
Y/N: Thank you. Iâm a little nervous but Iâll do my best. See you soon đ
Y/N got out of bed and went through her morning routine, trying to focus on each task to stop her mind from spiraling into all the things that could go wrong today. She picked out an outfit she hoped said âprofessional but approachable,â taking extra care to smooth out any creases in her clothes. When she was finally dressed, she checked the timeâ6:45 a.m.âthe car Harry sent should be arriving any minute.
She stepped outside, the cool morning air doing little to ease her racing thoughts. Y/N wrapped her arms around herself, feeling a mix of excitement and apprehension. The street was quiet at this hour, and she couldnât help but feel like the only person awake in the world.
Just then, a sleek black car pulled up in front of her, the driver rolling down the window with a friendly nod. "Y/N?" he asked, and she nodded in response.
âThatâs me,â she said, her voice a little shaky. She climbed into the backseat, clutching her bag on her lap as the driver started the journey to the office. She stared out the window, watching the familiar streets blur by, and tried to give herself a little pep talk.
You can do this. Youâre ready. Harry believes in you, so believe in yourself, too.
Her phone buzzed in her hand again, another message from Harry.
Harry: Also going on a coffee run, do you want anything? x
Bambi: Isnât that my job today? x
Harry: Itâs my job to take care of you everyday
Y/N didnât realize how wide her smile had grown until she caught her reflection in the glassy screen of her phone. A soft blush crept onto her cheeks as she tried to compose herself, glancing out the window to distract from the giddy feeling bubbling inside her. She watched as the quiet suburbs melted into the bustle of the big city, her heart thudding against her ribcage.Â
Slowly, the car pulled up outside Pleasing. The building was elegant, with an arched doorway and a clean awning that had the brand's name in bold letters. Through the large glass doors, Y/N could see a glimpse of the bright, stylish interior. Her heart pounded as the car came to a stop, her mouth opening with a desperate plea to leave, to turn back and retreat home where she could hide awayâbut then she saw Harry, and her words fell away for an entirely different reason.
Sheâd seen Harry in a suit before, but seeing him in full CEO mode was something else. He wore a flawless black-and-white suit, cufflinks gleaming at his wrists. His eyes were stern, his entire demeanor unshakeableâuntil he looked her way, and his whole form softened.
âYouâre here,â His voice was warm and inviting. She wanted to leap into him and hide herself within him but she wanted to be professional.
She stood in front of him, not wanting to get any closer to her new boss, âGood morning, Mr Styles.â
The corner of Harryâs lips quirked, a hint of amusement in his eyes. âGood morning,â he replied, savoring her formality. He took a step closer, his gaze gentle yet focused. âReady for today?â
âY-yes,â She said but it wasnât all that convincing.
Harry grabbed her hand, âYouâll be just fine Bambi.â He murmured the nickname just for her to hear.Â
The warmth of his hand around hers steadied her, but it also set her pulse racing. His fingers intertwined with hers, and he kept their joined hands subtly hidden between them as they walked through the grand entrance and into the lobby. Y/Nâs nerves started to quiet, replaced by a growing excitement.
As they stepped into the elevator, Harryâs thumb brushed gently over her knuckles. She looked up at him but his eyes were looking ahead. Her eyes fixated on his sharp jawline and smooth, freshly-shaven face; he looked even more polished, clean-cut and distinctly professional since sheâd last seen him.
When they reached his office floor, Harry led her down a sleek corridor and into an airy, open workspace with views of the city skyline. The scent of fresh coffee lingered in the air, and a few team members looked up with welcoming smiles.
Just ahead, a woman in her mid-thirties with shoulder-length auburn hair and an easy smile approached them. Her professional but warm demeanor put Y/N at ease almost instantly. Harry released Y/Nâs hand as he greeted her.
âLindsey, this is Y/N,â he said, glancing between them. âSheâs starting with us today. I thought you might help her settle in and get familiar with everything.â
Lindsey extended her hand warmly. âOh is this-â
Harryâs gaze lingered on her with a slight, unreadable intensity, prompting Lindsey to pause mid-sentence. Then, noticing Y/N, she broke into a bright smile.
âY/N! Itâs so nice to meet you.â She laughed lightly, her eyes flicking to Harry with a teasing glint. âI have to admit, Iâm a little curious why anyone would sign up to be his assistantâhe can be a real pain most days.â She shot him a playful look. âBut donât worry, just donât enter his office at midday - he can get real hangry.âÂ
Y/N giggled and Harryâs eyes brightened at the sound, ââY/N,â he said, his voice warm, âyouâre in very good hands.â He turned to Lindsey. âMake sure she gets a proper introduction to everything, but donât overwhelm her.â
Lindsey chuckled. âIâll keep it light for today, boss. Weâd be here all day getting into your list of demands everyday.â
Harry rolled his eyes, and with a final look at Y/N, said, âIâll see you later, then.â His words were simple, but the small smile he gave her was anything but. As he walked away, Y/N felt the anticipation return, wanting him to come back and be the one to show her around. She wasnât the best with meeting new people. She was shy and nervous and fumbled over her words too often but Harry had great faith in her so she would try her best to do good.Â
âAlright, letâs get started,â Lindsey said, gesturing to an open desk area near Harryâs office. âFirst things firstâcoffee? Iâll show you the best spot, and then weâll make our way through the to-do list Harry sent this morning.âÂ
. . .
Y/N liked Lindsey a lot.Â
She was funny and gentle. Whenever Y/N made a mistakeâlike earlier when she accidentally printed everything in pink instead of black and whiteâLindsey would correct her kindly, reminding her that mistakes happen. Y/N wasnât used to this kind of patience; her old boss would snap or hiss at even the smallest error. Here, it felt nice to breathe a little easier.
Lindsey spoke warmly about her two little boys, whom she cared for while her husband was away with the military. She had once been a stay-at-home mom, but over time, the isolation began to weigh on her; she craved more than just the role of mother and wanted to be out in the world, around people. When she applied to Pleasing, sheâd explained her situation to Harry during her interview, and he had offered her flexible hours so she could still make it home to her boys each evening.
Whenever Lindsey mentioned the things Harry had done for her and her family, her voice would grow thick with emotion, and she spoke of him with genuine admiration. Y/N found herself thinking of her own circumstances and the way Harry had taken her under his wing, feeling a warmth for him settle in her chest.
âOkay, Harryâs in a meeting, so we need to bring in tea and coffee,â Lindsey said, heading over to a small rolling cart neatly stocked with cups, a teapot, and coffee supplies.
She guided Y/N through the arrangement, showing her how Harry liked his tea prepared. âHeâs particular about the temperatureâhot but not scalding,â Lindsey explained with a wink. âDonât worry youâll get the hang of things.â
Y/N carefully poured the tea, her hands steadying with each instruction Lindsey offered. They finished preparing the drinks, and Y/N took a deep breath, steadying herself as she reached for the cart handle.
âYouâll be fine,â Lindsey reassured her, offering a supportive smile. âJust go in, keep it simple, and make sure everyone has their drinks. Youâll be a natural at this in no time.â
âIâm going in alone?â Y/Nâs eyes widened.
âItâs good practice,â Lindsey grins, âGood luck!â
Y/N squared her shoulders and pushed the cart toward the meeting room. The murmurs grew louder as she approached, but her nerves eased slightly upon catching Harryâs eye. His expression softened for a moment before returning to its professional coolness, a small signal just for her.
As she entered, she was met with the sight of a large glass table surrounded by men in sharp suits, all eyes shifting toward her. Taking a breath, she rolled the cart around and placed the cups in front of Harry and the others. Just as she reached for the teapot, a slight tremor ran through her hand, and she felt a sudden rush of panic.
In an instant, she lost her grip. The teapot tipped, sending hot tea spilling across the table and splattering onto a crisp white shirt belonging to one of the men. The room fell silent, and every gaze shifted from her to the angry figure, whose face flushed crimson.
ââWatch where youâre going!â he barked, rising from his seat. âDo you even know how to serve properly?â
Y/Nâs heart raced, the color draining from her face. Just as she opened her mouth to apologize, a surge of anger rippled through the room.
âDo you think itâs okay to talk to a woman like that?â Harry murmured, his voice laced with malice.
âShe stained my shirt! Sheâs lucky Iâm not making her pay for it,â the man continued, and Y/N could see the discomfort on the faces of the other attendees, their expressions telling her they knew heâd crossed a line.
Harryâs eyes darkened, a storm brewing behind them. He reached into his blazer pocket, pulling out a checkbook and a fountain pen. With swift strokes, he began to scribble before turning to Y/N. âY/N, would you mind delivering this to Mr. Smith?â
Y/N nodded, her hands trembling slightly as she accepted the check, its weight feeling both significant and heavy.
Mr. Smith snatched the check from her hands, glancing down at it with a scowl. Written across the page was Harryâs signature alongside a mere fifty dollars. âYour final checkâenough to cover the shirt, I assume? I think I saw the same one in the TK Maxx sale rack.â
âFinal?â Mr. Smith asked, incredulous.
âCorrect,â Harry replied nonchalantly.
Mr. Smithâs face burned bright red. He huffed, rising from his seat and storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The room fell silent. âMeeting adjourned,â Harry announced, and everyone flooded out, eager to escape the awkward tension.
Y/N stood in the corner, barely able to look up. Embarrassment washed over her; she wondered if she could do any job right. Her eyes watered as she bit down on her lip to keep from crying.
Suddenly, two polished shoes came into view, and big hands cupped her cheeks, gently forcing her to meet his gaze. âAre you okay?â Harry asked, concern etched on his face.
She wanted to say yes, to express pride in her efforts and how well she had handled the day, but instead, she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face into his shirt. âI feel like I canât do anything right,â she admitted, her voice muffled.
Harry sighed, his arms encircling her as he rubbed the back of her head soothingly. âYou did nothing wrong.â
âYou canât fire people because of me, Harry.â
âDonât worry about him. Weâve wanted to get rid of him for agesâjust a sexist prick. Turns out youâre a pretty good assistant for giving me an excuse to fire someone on the spot,â he chuckled lightly.
Y/N looked up at him, her heart fluttering as his hand held her cheek, his thumb brushing beneath her eye. âThese eyes,â he whispered.
A smile broke through her sadness. âIâm sorry for ruining your meeting.â
âDonât care, Bambi.â He was so much taller than her, nearly a foot difference, so he had to lean down to brush his nose against hers, their lips ghosting against each other. âYou actually made it better.â
âI did?â she whispered, her mind suddenly forgetting the man who had yelled at her.
âMhm,â he hummed, and then, gently, he pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and lingering, sending a warm flutter through Y/N that chased away the remnants of her earlier embarrassment. She melted into the moment, her worries fading as Harryâs lips brushed against hers.Â
âOkay, what the hell happened?â Lindsey barged into the room, causing Y/N to leap away from Harry, her cheeks flushing.
âWow, Lindsey,â Harry said, rubbing a hand over his mouth, both of them flustered as Lindsey glanced between them. âTry knocking next time, yeah?â
âSince when have I ever needed to knock?â Lindsey shot back, her eyebrows knitting together as she assessed Y/N, whose face was now bright pink.
âSince now,â Harry replied. Clearing his throat, he added, âIf youâll excuse meâŠâ He brushed past her, leaving the tension lingering in the air.
A laugh escaped Y/Nâs lips, even as embarrassment tinged her cheeks; it was the first time sheâd witnessed him so flustered. Lindsey arched an eyebrow, a teasing smile creeping onto her face. âSo, are you two likeâŠ?â
âNo,â Y/N replied, the denial tumbling out a bit too quickly.
Lindsey shot her a knowing look but chose not to press further. âMight want to let him know about that lipstick stain on his upper lip,â she added, rolling the cart out of the room and leaving Y/N feeling distinctly warm and flustered.
. . .
Harry kissed Y/N with the lights off on her front porch after dropping her home. Y/N melted against him, her fingers tangling in his hair as the kiss deepened. She felt a rush of warmth spread through her, the sweet taste of his breath mixing with the fresh night air. His hands found her waist, pulling her closer, their bodies fitting perfectly together. âBambi,â He slurred against her lips.â
âHm?â She hummed, unable to stop herself when she pulled him closer.Â
âI was thinking,â He murmured, pulling away but his hands still firmly gripping her waist, âMaybe this weekend yâ could come to my place and stay the night.â
âThe night?â Sheâd never had a sleepover before let alone one at a boys house.Â
âYeah⊠Would you be okay with that?âÂ
âY-Yeah, I think so.â
âYâ think so?â Harry grinned, âAre yâ sure?â
She smiled, âIâd like that.â
âWell, alright then,â he murmured, leaning down to place one last, soft kiss on her lips. âGoodnight, Bambi.â
âGoodnight, Harry.â Y/N barely suppressed a smile as she watched him walk to his car, a flutter in her chest as he turned back for a final wave.
Before she turned to step into her house, her phone buzzed and a text came through from Harry.
Harry: I think we have to get better at this whole sneaking around thing
Y/N: Tell yourself that, you kissed me first!
Harry: Canât help it BambiÂ
Harry: Iâm obsessed with you
. . .
taglist ~~
@ravenclawmarvel @noididnotsignupforthis @comicalivy @boomitsallie1 @hazzarules @squirreljoe @c3lline0 @harry2121 @lizsogolden @its-his-dimples @tchalametishot @youngpastafanmug @awritingtree @reidsblessing @idontcareforausernamesblog @madstyles3204 @cherrys4suckers @lomlolivia @tenaciousperfectionunknown
#harry styles fic rec#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles blurb#harry styles x reader#harry styles imagines#harry styles fanfic#harry styles imagine#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x you#bambi#harry styles one shot#harry styles fic#harry edward styles#harry styles writing#fanfiction#ceo!harrystyles#ceoharry#shy!reader#fic rec
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I wanna crack on with this editing but ppl keep asking me to watch their children
#I'm pretty sure my mum is just going to turn up and leave them here at some point today#im always happy to have them tbh and i want them to know they are always welcome#however. she's inconsiderate as fuck and i don't like the doing her a favour side of it lol#like is it too much to ask that you actually acknowledge I'm doing you a favour when i look after your children for the upteenth time#she legit acts like I'm being inconsiderate if I'm not ready to drop everything and look after them for an undetermined period of time#while she fucks off to do something. and she dicks around while she's out and takes way longer than she said she would#and then gets mad when I'm like. so it's pretty late. are you gonna come get them or...#plus if they're here for a mealtime she expects me to feed them#Anyway I'm already waiting for her to knock on my door at some point today lol and now my uncle texts me like 'can you come over tonight'#which honestly i don't mind. I'm pretty much always happy to watch my cousin as they live so close and her parents are always very grateful#and they ask nicely (unlike my mum)#like honestly they should ask more! i think it's good for them to get out. but also. this weekend. why is everything happening this weekend#I'm gonna be busy the whole day tomorrow. I've still gotta buy a bday pressie. and i wanna sort out this fic!!!#at this rate I'll be busy in the day and then be putting my cousin to bed in the early evening and#I'll spend the evening in their lounge not mine. and i can't guarantee the different environment will distract me and sap my motivation lol
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â-and every year after that, we always had double chocolate chip cookies instead of regular chocolate chip. Made me stand out at the school bakes sales, too! And I would beg and beg and beg my mom to make them before any other sweets-â
âGot my stomach grumblinâ over here now, love.â Simon cuts off your rambling with a loving chuckle. The first winterâs snow began falling from the sky in London that morning, and youâd been eager to tell your lover about the traditions youâd had growing up around this time of year.
âWell imagine how I felt, Si!â You say with a giggle, patting his stomach in emphasis. âI swear, itâs become a true Pavlovian response, I see the first snowflakes and I instantly start craving those cookies again. Like when I was littleâŠâ
Simon sees the melancholic smile playing across your lips, and he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that first chance he gets, heâll be ringing your mum to get said recipe from her.
And if you walk into your shared flat a few days later, the smell of burnt something wafting through the air, fire alarm beeping incessantly, coming upon a flustered looking 6â4â behemoth of a man swatting a flowery dish towel through the air in attempt to dissipate the smoke coming from the oven, well, the sentiment behind your lover wanting to surprise you with your favourite treat from childhood is a thousand times sweeter than the cookie itself.
~~~~~~~~~~
âOoh, look at those ones over there!â You exclaim, tightening your grip on Simonâs arm. Youâre both strolling through a local farmers market on a dreary Sunday afternoon with nothing better to do. Your free hand points towards a stall selling beautifully intricate bouquets of flowers. âTheyâre so pretty for this late in the season.â
Simon is glancing over at the stall, minutely nodding in agreement, before his gaze shifts back to the crowd.
âWant one?â
âOh, no, thatâs okay. Just thought they looked nice. We donât need any.â You say, leading him past the stall, not noticing when he glances back over his shoulder to remember the name written at the top of the display.
Once back home, upon hearing your gasp of surprise followed by what he recognizes now as your excited squeal, he smirks to himself in the other room, knowing youâve stumbled upon the bouquet he had delivered during your nap.
What you donât know is that heâs already set it up so that youâll be receiving a new fresh set of flowers every week now, delivered straight to your front steps.
~~~~~~~~~~
âReally wasnât that bad this time around, promise.â You mumble into his firm chest, his muscular arms holding you there as you snuggle on the couch. He got back from a two week deployment last night, and youâre still catching him up on everything he missed. âI made a point of going outside everyday, for a change of scenery at least.â
âThaâs good, lovie.â He whispers, running his digits through the strands of your hair, careful not to tug any time he runs into knot, instead gently trying to comb it out himself.
âNot like I was all alone, anyhow.â You say with a small giggle, biting your lip. He finds himself answering with his own lighthearted chuckle, sitting up straighter to glance at the table over your shoulder. âGave me something to look forward to each day, feeding the lilâ guy.â
âWas hoping itâd be a nice surprise for ya. Not another choreâŠâ
âOh, Goldieâs not a chore.â You laugh, swatting at Simonâs chest. You also take the time to glance over at the goldfish in question, swimming in the small circular fish bowl that Simon had somehow snuck into the flat the day before he left. He hated the idea of leaving you alone all the time, never knowing when heâd have a chance to speak on the phone, and he didnât want to burden you with a larger, more high maintenance animal like a dog or cat. And so, Goldie was brought home.
âAlthough, Iâm worried maybe heâs getting lonely when Iâm out of the house. Might have to get him a friend.â
Simon doesnât even try to hide the corny grin that spreads across his face.
âHave I ever told you the joke about the two goldfish in a tank?â
#call of duty#call of duty fanfic#call of duty fic#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost cod#ghost fanfic#ghost x reader#ghost x y/n#ghost x you#cod fluff#cod fic#cod fanfic#cod x reader#cod#simon ghost riley fluff#simon riley fluff#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost#readwritealldayallnight
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Dad!James Potter x Bsf!Reader ⌠1796
series masterlist ; main masterlist
âY/n! You came!â Marlene exclaims, her eyes widening with surprise. Her usually confident demeanor melts into a mixture of shock and delight. Dorcas, sitting next to her, sends you a bright smile when she notices you. Lily practically flies off her barstool to give you a hug.
âYou seem surprised.â You giggle as you pull away from the hug you just shared with Lily. Noting the genuine astonishment on Marleneâs face, you take in the lively atmosphere of the pub, which is buzzing with conversations and laughter, typical for a Friday night. You canât remember the last time you went out with the girls; itâs been ages.
âWell, I mean, yeah, a little.â Marlene admits, shifting slightly on her barstool. She tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear and glances around, almost as if sheâs trying to ensure that youâre really there.
âWhyâs that?â You ask, flagging the bartender down for a drink. The bartender, a tall guy with a friendly smile, nods at you in acknowledgment as he finishes serving another customer.
âYou havenât been out with us in ages.â She replies, a hint of concern creeping into her voice. Her eyes search yours, looking for an explanation.
âIâve been busy, you know that.â You say, smiling softly. The pub is so loud that Marleneâs sigh goes unnoticed by you.
âWith James.â Marlene says blankly. Dorcas sends her a look of caution. Your eyebrows furrow, and you look over at her in confusion and surprise.
âUm, yeah, of course. Who else?â You ask, sending her an odd look. Itâs been clear since school days that you and James were close, so you arenât sure why she seems annoyed by this.
âDonât you think youâre spending a lot of time with him?â Marlene asks, bringing her drink up to her lips and looking at you over the rim.
âWith James? Iâve always spent a lot of time with James.â You laugh, though youâre starting to feel like Marlene is about to interrogate you. You love her, but she never holds back from stating her opinion, and sometimes that puts you on edge. You prefer to avoid confrontation at all costs. The lively chatter and clinking of glasses around you only add to your growing discomfort.
âItâs true!â Lily chimes in, trying to diffuse the brewing tension. She broke up with James because everything for him always came back to you. Not that you knew that.
Marlene raises an eyebrow, clearly displeased with your answer. âI know, but lately itâs felt... more intense.â She admits, her voice lowering as if she doesnât want everyone in the pub to overhear.
Dorcas, who has been silently observing, finally speaks up. âWhat Marlene means is that we miss you. It feels like we barely see you anymore, and when we do, itâs usually with James.â You and Marlene remain silent, merely staring at each other blankly.
Your arms are crossed tightly over your chest, and your voice takes on a challenging edge. âIntense? What do you mean by that?â Dorcas and Lily exchange uneasy glances. Girlsâ night was not supposed to go this way.
Marlene raises an eyebrow, clearly incredulous. âHeâs got Henry now.â
A waiter sets your drink on a napkin in front of you, and you offer a quick, grateful smile. When you turn back to Marlene, your smile has vanished. âAnd how does that affect anything?â You ask.
âIt changes everything,â Marlene says sharply. âYouâre playing house with James. That isnât your responsibility. If James wants that, he needs to find a girlfriend.â
You scoff, âIâm his best friend. Of course, itâs my job to help him out.â
âBut youâre not just helping him,â Marlene counters. âYouâre practically Henryâs mum.â You stand there, rigid. âLook, I want the best for you. Spending your twenties raising another womanâs child isnât how you should be spending them.â
Your head jerks back as if struck, and you pull your lips tight. âShe gave up her rights. Henry is Jamesâ son. If James doesnât want me to help, he can tell me himself.â You sling your bag over your shoulder and down your drink. âAnd did you ever consider that this is how I want to spend my twenties? Being a part of their lives means everything to me. Iâm sorry if you havenât found someone you feel so strongly about.â
Youâre so upset that you donât even notice youâve just confessed your feelings for James out loud for the first time.
By the time you reach Jamesâ place, itâs well past midnight. The streets are quiet, and the only sounds are the occasional distant car and the soft rustle of leaves in the breeze. Given that itâs a Friday night, thereâs a strong possibility heâs already in bed, but youâre willing to take that risk. You know he might be asleep, but the thought of waiting until morning is unbearable.
It takes a second for him to open the door, but when he does he squints at you and glances back at the street in horror, âDid you walk-â
You interrupt, a bit impatiently, âYou would tell me if you didnât want me to help with Henry as much as I do, right?â
James studies you closely. Your hair is tousled by the breeze, and youâre huddled tightly into your jacket against the chill.The sight tugs at his heart, making him want to gather you close and warm you himself. He reaches out and gently pulls you inside, closing and locking the door behind you as you slip off your coat and shoes and place them in their rightful place.
When you look up, James stands there with his arms crossed, a concerned frown on his face. âWell?â you prompt. James sighs, clearly grappling with how to respond.
âOf course I would,â he says softly. âIâve always appreciated your help. Iâve never once considered asking you not to help me.â
You hesitate, glancing at the three pairs of boots lined up by the doorâJamesâs, yours, and Henryâs. âAnd you reallydonât think Iâm trying to be Henryâs mum?â you ask, your voice quiet and edged with tension. James follows your gaze to the boots, his expression neutral. He doesnât reply immediately, simply looking back and forth between the boots and you.
âHe calls you his mum.â James says finally, and your heart feels like it stops. The room seems to shrink around you as tears spring to your eyes without warning. You raise a hand to cover your mouth, afraid that a cry might slip out uncontrollably.
Your voice is barely a whisper, âHe does?â
James nods, his gaze steady but gentle. âHe has for a while now. But I asked him to keep it between us because I didnât want to overwhelm you.â The soft light from the hallway lamp casts a warm glow on his face, and the quiet of the roomfeels heavy with the weight of his words. If you werenât so overwhelmed with emotion, you might have noticed that he took your advice to turn off the overhead lights and use a lamp instead.
A tear slowly traces its way down your cheek, and James catches sight of it instantly. His expression softens with concern. âIâm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.â You say gently.
Thereâs a pause between you both. You struggle to keep yourself composed, while James fights the urge to reach out to you. Neither of you is succeeding.
âY/n,â James says, stepping closer with a hesitant expression. âYou can tell me to forget it if this sounds strange, butââHe trails off, his gaze dropping to the floor as he nervously fiddles with his glasses. The soft hum of the heater fills the silence. âI donât think youâre trying to be Henryâs mum. I think you already are.â
Your gaze snaps up to him, tears streaming freely down your face and leaving damp trails on your cheeks. âJames, you canât just say that. When you get a girlfriend and it gets seriousââ
âDarling,â he interrupts gently, his hand coming to rest reassuringly on your arm. âWhy do you think I havenât gotten myself a girlfriend after all these years? Henryâs about to turn four.â
You sniffle, âIâI donât know. I just thought you were waiting for the right person, someone who would be a good fit for both you and Henry.â
âI have been.â He says, stepping closer until youâre nearly chest to chest. His gaze locks with yours, and you can feel the warmth of his breath on your skin. The soft light from the lamp casts a gentle glow on his face, accentuating the earnestness and vulnerability in his eyes. Your stomach tightens at the sight of the tenderness in his gazeâeyes soft and honeyed.
âJamieââ you whisper, but your voice trails off as you feel his hand settle on your hip, pulling you gently against him. Your heart pounds so fiercely that youâre sure he can feel it if he presses any closer. The space between you seems to shrink, the air thick with unspoken feelings.
âWhat, darling?â He murmurs, his voice barely more than a breath as he leans in. His lips, pink and slightly parted, are just inches from yours. The warm, intimate proximity makes you ache to close the gap and kiss him, yet a flicker of doubt makes you hesitate, wondering if youâre misreading the depth of the moment.
You barely have time to process your doubts before James leans in and presses his lips against yours. The kiss starts offtentatively, allowing you the space to pull away if you need to. But you rise onto your toes and slip your right hand into his soft curls, guiding him closer with a gentle pull. The deep, passionate groan he releases sends a rush of warmth through you, making your head spin.
His fingers find yours, and he intertwines them with a reassuring grip. He slowly walks you backward until your back meets the cool surface of the door. The texture of the wood presses against your shoulders and the small of your back. Your bodies are pressed closely together, and your hands remain intertwined, resting next to your head on the door.
The kiss grows more intense with each moment. Your lips part, and James licks into your mouth, his tongue moving with an urgency thatâs both surprising and exhilarating. His left hand comes up to hold your jaw, his thumb pressing into your cheek, holding you steady as he continues to kiss you. The soft whimpers and moans that slip past your lips are pathetic.
When he finally rests his forehead against yours, sending you a breathless, knowing smile, it becomes clear that youâre completely done for.
please reblog or comment with your thoughts! they are very appreciated and keep me motivated to keep writing! đ€
#this has not be read through!#dad!james and bsf!reader universe#dad!james potter x reader#dad!james potter#james potter headcanon#james potter fic#james potter oneshot#james potter fanfiction#james potter x fem!reader#james potter x y/n#james potter x you#james potter x reader#james potter baby blurb#james potter blurb#the marauders era
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The Lucky One
Part 1 (of 2) | Sebastian Vettel x Reader
Summary: Formula One had been your dream and your goal ever since you were a kid, and you did all you had to in order to achieve it. Between ups and downs, Sebastian becomes a steady presence despite being your complicated frenemy relationship. Until everything comes crashing down. Formula One gives, but Formula One takes.
Word count: 6.5k
Tags: female!reader, driver reader, reader is mirrorball coded, coming of age, cursing, romance, both are assholes, smut, +18, complicated feelings, rivals to lovers, crash, major injury, medical innacuracies, bittersweet ending, not beta read
Relationship: Sebastian Vettel x Reader
Note: This is fully inspired by the song, and throughout my writing process I realized it also fits mirrorball. This one may require some tissues (especially in part 2). Everything is fictional and I mean no disrespect to Sebastian or his family (they don't exist in this story). Let me know in the comments if you wanna be tagged for part 2. Not proofread. Comments and feedback are welcomed.
Find me on Twitter! | BUY ME A COFFEE âïž
You knew from an early age that charisma could conquer the world, it was a relatively easy taught lesson back in your early karting days. Mum sat you down one day in karting, showing two other kids around. One sitting alone, quietly twinkling with his go-kart, you knew him, Jamie-something, one of the best kids in karting, and you always had fun battles with him, but he was a bit of an odd one out. The other kid mum pointed at was Nick, loud, funny and popular⊠not that good at karting but a really smart talker. And it showed as he was surrounded by adults and other kids, every bit of attention on him.
You were around 11 when your mum pointed out the difference between the two kids.
âWhat is different about them, darling?â Mum asked you.
âJamie is alone⊠And Nick is surrounded by people.â
âAnd why do you think that is?â
âI donât know, MamaâŠâ You said, scratching your brain to try and reply.
âJamie is not very good with people, right? Heâs a bit of an introvertâŠâ Your mum said, quite somberly, âAnd Nick, heâs charismatic, see how he manages to grab everyone's attention?â As you nodded, your mum kept talking, âThere are greater chances of Nick making far in motorsports, rather than Jamie.â
âBut itâs not fair! Jamie is much betterâŠâ
âI know, darling⊠But youâll see that motorsports is not fair at all. And unfortunately, if you really want to go far in this career, youâll have to do everything they want and more. Being a good driver wonât be enough.â
âWhy not, mama?â You asked, pouting.
âBecause everybody loves pretty and everybody loves cool.â
-
Over the next few years of your teens, you learned to adapt, not only in karting, then single seaters, then Formula categories, not only as a driver, but as a person. You were fun, charming, and after a few years, it came to you easily. Laugh at his joke, thatâs a sponsor. Smile at the journalists and theyâll write you as the future of motorsport. Be funny, but not too funny to the point they wonât take you seriously. Smile, but not too much so they donât think youâre flirting. Be smart about your sport, but not too smart so they wonât feel emasculated. Take good care of your career and your every step, but donât let them know so they wonât call you manipulative. Never be angry, never lash out, never be curt.
Nobody ever thought about you as a carefully crafted person, because even that was planned out. No one called you fake. They always thought you were that person: funny, smart and pretty like a 60âs queen.
You made it to Formula 1 at the age 23, a little late but you had accounted for that, being a woman and all. You were a damn good driver, but really it was your charm that put you there. You knew that your presence was good PR for the Federation. Look how inclusive we are!
After substituting a driver twice in the 2014 season, you were signed in 2015 for Toro Rosso, rookie you and rookie Max Verstappen, who was much younger than you. You and him got along well, but you couldnât help but think how he got the chance to join Formula 1 much younger than you, having had almost the same career path in earlier categories. The only difference? You were a woman.
But you didnât let that outshine your happiness of making it to Formula 1.
Soon you got in everyoneâs good graces, charming your way through motorsports like you had been doing your whole career. Your first ever race as an official driver on the grid, there was this sense of relief, of making it to the ultimate dream. All that you had endured was worth it in that glorious moment.
You managed a little friendship with most drivers, getting to chat with them despite your rivalry on the track. You end up getting two podiums that season, brilliantly going down in history.
Well into your first official season, somehow the nickname âPrincipessaâ caught on after an Italian newspaper wrote a praiseful cover article about how you managed to be classy and talented in your rookie year at Toro Rosso.
Life was a dream come true all the way to 2016, when you realized, Sebastian Vettel didnât like you much. You thought it was just a distance thing, since you two werenât used to talking that much. Until you overheard him talking about you with Nico, one of the drivers he was always talking to.
âIâm just not really interestedâŠâ Sebastian sounded reluctant.
âSheâs really nice once you get to chat with her,â Nico said, as you hid behind a pile of tyres, âVivian adores her, she even sent her a basket of goodies because of the pregnancy.â
âI understand. But me and her donât click,â Sebastian mumbled, sounding annoyed.
âAnd why not?â
âSheâs fake. A perfect PR doll, and I donât like it.â
There was a long silence from Nico, probably shocked at the sudden harshness of Sebastianâs towards someone he had barely opened up to meet. You stood there frozen for a couple of seconds, not understanding his aversion to you.
Snapping out of it, you silently walked away without them noticing you were ever there. You couldnât believe how, or why Sebastian could see right through you, how he could say that stuff when he had barely talked to you. But worst of all, you couldnât understand his aversion to you, being against you.
âHaving a quiet day?â Nico asked later that day, at the drivers parade as you stood a bit quieter than usual, still in your head about Sebastianâs words.
âOh, no! Just a bit hungry!â You lied with a believable smile, âHowâs Vivian?â You decided to change the subject.
Later that year, you had a great, almost competitive car, which had taken you to P3 in the championship standings, with a real, consistent chance of fighting for the championship.
Unfortunately for you, after the fourth to last race of the season, one race you had finished first place, you and part of your team were called in to talk with the representatives of the FIA because of an irregular part of your car. It was a minimal part of the livery that connected with the air vents, they said it was irregular, and despite the team showing proof that you had gained no advantage out of that, you were still punished with disqualification from that race.
It wasnât just the problem of being DSQ, but not making points in that race meant you were out of the fight for the championship.
It felt like a punch in the face. Unjustifiable and an arbitrary decision.
After that disqualification, that came out right after the race had ended, Sebastian was the one to inherit that win, and a small part of him wanted to check on you, just because those kinds of disqualifications were a blow to the confidence of a driver.
Sebastian walked into your driverâs room and the first thing he noticed were the objects thrown around on the floor, a flipped table and chair. Chess pieces and boards on the floor, along with water bottles and towels, he looked around and you were sitting in a corner, on the floor, tears streaming down your face as you tried to wipe them with trembling hands, but the tears kept coming down.
It sent Sebastian into some sort of shock, he knew you for around three years now, and he had never seen you cry, or be angry, or even annoyed. You were always happy and bubbly⊠And now⊠It was like you were someone else, so painfully real, multifaceted for the first time.
âHey⊠you-â He wasnât even sure of what to say.
âThey took my chances from meâŠâ You said, voice trembling and a fresh stream of tears, âthey did it on purpose. They did it to keep me where I am, to keep me on a leash, to not let me become a World Champion.â
âIâm so sorryâŠâ He knelt down by your side, unsure of what to do or say.
âI did everything right. Played by their rules. I smiled, and I danced like a circus monkey, and I clapped even when I shouldnât⊠I took it silently even when they threw spears at my chest. I swallowed my pride countless times to be here. I did everything rightâŠâ You knew you were rambling, to someone who probably didnât even like you, but you couldnât stop, the burning rage that brought tears to your eyes was stronger than anything you ever felt.
Sebastian didnât know what to say, too shocked by the view of the real you that he could barely wrap his head around it. There was anger in your eyes, sadness, but somewhat a sprinkle of despair too. So he did the only thing his mind could think of, he hugged you. A little awkwardly, but a hug nonetheless. He felt your tears dampening his shirt, your hands fisting the material as if you were drowning and he was the only lifebuoy left. The sobs rocked your shaky frame and he held you for a long time, until someone from the team came to check on you. Then Sebastian hesitantly let go of you, despite your fingers still gripping his shirt, he pulled back, astonished.
As he left, stunned, he couldnât even remember the reason he had gone there in the first place.
You only saw Sebastian again, the following race weekend, during media day. You were sitting on a box, drinking some water, your legs dangling in the air. You looked like you always did, bubbly, content, hair in place, light makeupâŠ
Despite everything, and the memories being a little blurry, you didnât forget what Sebastian had done for you. But even though the support was nice at the time, you couldnât help but feel an immense amount of shame and embarrassment for what he had witnessed. Your mask had slipped, and you didnât know how to proceed in this new, unknown territory.
In the end, you opted for deflection.
âHey,â Sebastian approached you, looking slightly worried, âhowâŠâ he cleared his throat, âhow have you been?â There was a silent question there, a silent approach to everything that had transpired the other day.
âHi? Yeah, Iâm alright, thanks!â You said with a bright smile, but now Sebastian could see it never reached your eyes. You hopped off the box you were sitting on, starting to walk away.
âUm- about the other dayâŠ?â Sebastian tried to breach the subject, unsure of how you would react.
âOh, that? It was silly, just forget about it!â You kept smiling, your voice was cheerful, but your eyes betrayed that. You kept walking away, eating fruits and Sebastian ran up to you again, confused about you brushing under the rug something that was a pretty big deal.
âNo, uh- how-â He wanted to think of something to say, but your smile dimmed a little bit as you looked at him.
âLetâs forget about that. And please donât pity me.â You said with that same frozen smile and Sebastian frowned. He wasnât pitying you, he was genuinely worried about that.
You walked away before he could say anything else. He was shocked at you dismissing so easily a full blown breakdown you had the week before. He had spent days thinking about you, not because he enjoyed any of it, he didnât, but because he saw you for the first time. The real you. The ugly and painful parts, but it was so, so genuine, he knew that was the real you, with an honest reaction to something that hurt and upset you. He saw something he had never seen in you before, and he couldnât get that version of you out of his head.
It was obvious you didnât want to talk about that, or even address it. And Sebastian wasnât going to press for answers, because in the end, he didnât even like you particularly. He didnât. And in the media pen, when a reporter asked you about the penalty that took you out of the championship competition, you smiled politely.
âOh, I believe the FIA did the right thing, if I was accidentally irregular, thatâs what should have been done. No complaints on my part or on behalf of my team,â You said into the mic, seeing in their faces that no one expected that response. Sebastian kept staring at you, in disbelief.
âWell, I for one,â Sebastian said after a few shocked seconds, âthink that her disqualification was bullshit.â
The room burst out laughing, even you. A fake laugh, but since no one could tell, it was still a laugh. Saving your tears for some other time, alone and quiet, away from prying eyes.
Despite everything, you and Sebastian didnât become closer, but in some way he just decided to open up to you a little bit more, as opposed to what he had been doing these past few years. He still wasnât a friend or a close acquaintance, but he was less closed off and less short towards you. There was a silent acknowledgement of each other in public settings, a quiet nod or polite smile here and there.
It wasnât until a few weeks later that he was about to leave the hotel to go to a dinner during the week of the Malaysian GP, when he got into the elevator and as he got to the first floor, you stumbled into the small space, reeking of alcohol and makeup a little smeared. He called your name, in such shock he forgot to hop out and the elevator started going up again.
âWhat,â You said, holding yourself steady against the elevator wall. Sebastian was shocked, that was another facet of you, raw and belling with the persona you usually sold the world.
âAre you okay?â He asked, the elevator stopping on your floor.
âIâm fine,â you said, stumbling out of the elevator in your high heels, Sebastian couldnât help but also step out, grabbing your arm to steady you, âI said Iâm fine!â You said, drunkenly stomping your foot.
âNo, youâre not. Come on, give me your key.â Sebastian said, with a voice that left no space for arguing.Â
You tried to be stubborn, but he just grabbed your purse and started fumbling with it until he grabbed your key-card. Holding your arm, he guided you to your hotel suite. Once inside, he placed you sitting on an armchair, and as he knelt in front of you to remove your shoes, you plopped back against the backrest.
âNo, no,â he said, tossing your heels away and pulling your arms so youâd sit up straight, âNo sleeping yet, come on. I didnât pick you for a drinker.â
âAnd I didnât pick you for a nosy assholeâ You snapped back.
âWell, well, well, isnât motorsportsâ favorite doll hiding a foul mouth?â He said, holding you up, guiding you to the bathroom.
âDonât call me that!â
âWell, isnât that what you are? We both know the truth, Principessa.â There was some bitterness to the way he said the nickname. You were not particularly fond of the nickname either, but the way he said it, with disgust, it rubbed you the wrong way.
âWhy are you here?â You asked slowly.
âWhy are you hammered on a Tuesday night?â He held you up, putting you on your feet and calmly leading you to the bathroom.
âWhy shouldnât I?â
Sebastian pressed his lips together at your deflection, deep down he knew. More than anyone he knew you were just pretending to be okay with being taken out of the fight for the championship. He knew you were hurting. He also wanted to tell you that wasnât the way to go about it, but at the end of the day, you two werenât really close.
âGet in the shower. Cold.â He said, walking out of the bathroom and closing the door behind himself.
He could hear the sound of the water running, so he went to the phone and ordered soup and tea from room service. He sat down on the armchair, somewhat worried about you. He had gone through that before, but he was also four times world champion, compared to you who was just in your second year, losing the opportunity to fight for the championship for a mistake that wasnât yours and that was completely out of your hands.
You left the bathroom dressed in a fluffy robe, face clean off of remnants of makeup. But your eyes were puffy and red, and he wondered if you were crying in the shower. He didnât ask.
âSince you look a little more sober, Iâm going. Room service will bring you something to eat and something non-alcoholic to drink.â
You sat on the couch opposite to him, feeling a little better and a bit more sober. You watched as he got up, his blue eyes never leaving yours. You had many questions. But the most important one was why he was there. Why was he taking care of you? You knew he didnât like you, he knew you knew it too. Before you could ask any of it, he walked towards the door.
âThank you,â You mumbled. He only nodded, not bothering to look back at you. It was a quiet murmur, but some part of you hoped he knew that thank you wasnât about just this instance, but also the time he consoled you when no one else did.
The rest of the season, you managed to get ahold of yourself since you knew, keeping wallowing in self pity would get you nowhere. So you focused on finishing the season better. Sebastian and you also didnât grow particularly close in the following months, despite sometimes meeting his eyes across the room. There was always this underlying tension between you, like two people that knew a secret but swore to not talk about it.
During the Prize Giving Ceremony, you were mingling with some drivers, members of the team and from the FIA. You were known for being the life of the party, usually a social butterfly, always making connections and meeting new people.
But then, you made a small pause to grab a drink and some air, sitting down on a bench, when Sebastian made his way to you, a somewhat bright smile directed to you as he crossed the room. It was the first time he had ever directed that kind of smile to you. He looked like he had drunk a little bit.
âYou look tipsy,â You pointed out as soon as he stopped before you. He grinned.
âHigh quality champagne,â Sebastian replied, sitting on the bench beside you, raising his flute for a toast. You replied by clicking your flute against his.
You two sat in silence for a couple of minutes, watching the party in full swing.
âYouâre back to your old self,â Sebastian pointed out, suddenly. But it didnât sound like a compliment nor a critique. So you didnât reply, unsure of what he meant.
âWell, we all do what we gotta do,â You shrugged gently, with a small smile as you turned to face him and his bright blue eyes were already on your face.
âBut, you know, itâs good to remember youâre very lucky to be here,â he said.
His words made you stop, your smile fading and that almost accomplice glinting in your eyes completely disappeared. And Sebastian frowned confused, seeing the way you put up your walls again, back to the frozen, fake smile you usually gave the media.
Lucky. You hated that word. You hated how everyone used to say you got lucky to be there. You got lucky to get into Formula 1. You got lucky to be a successful driver. Rarely did anyone mention the efforts you had to put into becoming that. The early mornings training, the absurd amount of time and distance away from your family. All the metaphorical slaps you had to endure with a straight face. Then you realized, Sebastian saw you just the way everyone else saw you. You were lucky, your spot was a gift not the consequence of your efforts.
And Sebastian noticed the shift in your expression in that very moment. He hadnât meant to offend, and he wasnât even sure why his words had ticked you off, but he could see. He was probably the only one in that whole room who could tell the real you from your persona, mostly due to the fact that he had seen the real you a couple of times.
âPrincess, I-â He started again, but you cut him off.
âDonât.â
He watched as you stood up, gave him a polite smile and a nod, before sauntering away.
The following year, your car was improved, and even better than the year before, you were up there in the stands, and after a third of the season, you and the team knew you were a contender for the championship. You did everything in your power to be the world champion that year. Your main competitor was Lewis Hamilton. Somehow, despite the fierce battles on track, you two managed to maintain a certain level of respect outside it. Probably because you two were different kinds of minority in that sport, or because he had learned a lesson with how everything had come down with Rosberg. Funnily enough, you two had managed a somewhat friendship that very year.
You and Sebastian, on the other hand, grew more distant than ever, and you barely spoke that year. You two kept this cold, polite façade in front of the media and other drivers.
Battle after battle, the media pressure only grew on your shoulders, you werenât just a pretty face for the sponsors to plaster your face around, you showed a real driver existed behind that persona. And it pissed some people off, just because now you were a woman playing a big manâs sport. They nitpicked every mistake you made if you had made some, or they diminished your every win if you didnât make a mistake. Because you were lucky. You were lucky that one time Vettel DNFed. You were lucky this one time Lewis Hamilton crashed out. You were lucky your tyres were better during some overtakes. You were lucky for that good pitstop.
When you became World Champion that year, during the Mexican GP, it had all been worth it to endure. The weight of the trophy in your hands, the way you hugged it to your chest in the top step of the podium, crying as the other drivers splashed you with champagne, that was the taste of the years of dedication paying off.
The celebrations were wild, the team, some of the other drivers, everyone congratulated you. You were at a nightclub, drink in hand when suddenly Sebastian Vettel appeared out of nowhere. You supposed all drivers were invited, but you didnât expect him to actually show up.
He walked up at you, loose shirt, messy hair and flushed face. Biting his lip to hide a smile, that genuine smile he had given you only once since you met him. And Sebastian had never seen you so beautiful. He knew you were always pretty, like you were some sort of model, but in that moment, you looked genuinely happy, and the smile you could barely contain in your face made you even more stunning than you already were.
âCongratulations, Principessa,â He smiled, stopping beside you. At that moment, you didnât even remember that you were ever upset with him, that you had barely spoken the whole season. He remembered very well that feeling of being champion, the relief and happiness.
âThank you.â
âIâm sorry about what I said last year. I never meant to diminish you. And later on I understood why you felt upset by it.â Sebastian said, firmly. It made you feel validated, and it was nice that he had realized on his own.
âItâs okay. Itâs water under the bridge.â
Sebastian nodded, understanding. You both went back to the party. And later that night you two were dancing on the dance floor with some other people. You were not physically close, more like jumping up and down and singing, facing each other, laughing. But there was that spark in each otherâs eyes again, like there was a funny secret you two were keeping.
Thatâs how you two ended up going to his hotel, sitting silently in the back of a car, the windows a bit rolled down and the fresh air of the night hitting your faces. This silent tension that had always been brewing reached a boiling point. None of you moved or said anything, afraid of breaking the spell even on the way up to his floor. But the moment you crossed the threshold of his hotel room, you tiptoed to him, kissing him. He kicked the door shut, one arm around your waist as he pulled up to his height so he could properly kiss you. The other hand on the back of your head, pressing you further into him as if he wanted to merge with you, his lips and tongue coaxing yours open, his kiss all tongue and teeth as if he was starved for you. You two stumbled inside, but Sebastian managed to keep you upright by pressing you against a small side table, while you two laughed at his clumsiness.
When he put you down again, he reached for the back of your tube dress, tugging the zipper down, but it got stuck and he muttered a curse, which made you laugh again against his neck.
âSorry about this,â he said, before forcefully tugging the dress, which made it rip off, and the dress fell down, pooled at your feet, leaving you naked in only your panties and shoes. He took a moment to take in your figure, humming appreciatively.
You took a step forward, removing his shirt without a second thought, followed by you also fumbling with his belt. You two were giggling when finally all clothes were out of the way and Sebastian pulled you into his arms, kissing you deeply before pushing you into the bed. His lips around your nipples as his hands teased your body, touching, groping, feeling the smoothness of your skin.
When he climbed up, holding your head so you would look at him while his fingers fucked you open, there was this deep sense of intimacy in his eyes as he watched you. Then finally, he got on top of you, holding one of your thighs up against his waist and he sank down, in one deep stroke as you two moaned. His movements were slow and hard, enjoying every little thing about you. The soft sounds you made, your dilated pupils, the way your cunt fluttered around him when he hit a particularly perfect spot.
It didnât take you long to come, your hands around his waist, nails sinking into his back. After you did, he knelt back, pulling your legs up, ankles by his shoulders as he then went even faster with each thrust, your moans growing louder as you went careening into a second orgasm, and soon he followed behind you, biting on your ankle to muffle his groans.
âDamnâŠâ He sighed, breathless as he plopped on the bed right beside you.
âDamn is rightâŠâ You laughed.
After that, you two got in the shower, kissing and making out like teenagers, until he bent you over the glass wall, fucking you again until you two came again, your back to his chest and his hand down your front to tease you clit.
When you two fell on the bed again, you were out like a light.
The following morning you woke up painfully early, his arms around you as you situated yourself, when you checked your phone, you realized you were late to catch your flight. So you carefully removed yourself from his arms without waking him up, stole some clothes from his suitcase since your dress was ruined, and left in a cab.
You didnât speak about through the final two races of the season and not at all during winter break. A small part of you had expected him to say something about what had happened. You were not sure what.
As the new season started the following year, the underlying tension between you now had a new kind of meaning behind it. Since you couldnât look at each other and not think of that night. Of his hands tightening on your ass, of your nails scratching his back.
You decided to leave it all behind, focusing on the season and trying to strike that second consecutive championship. It was hard, it wasnât that your car was bad, per se, but it was unreliable. Sometimes you were about to win a race when it suddenly had some sort of malfunction or some kind of shut down that had you DNF a race you shouldâve won. Despite that, you made the best of it, achieving a couple of podiums and eventually, your first win of the season.
That night, you met with Sebastian again, the first real conversation ever since what had happened the year before.Â
âCongratulations on the win,â He said with a smile.
âYou too, congrats on the win last week.â
And just as the first time, soon you two were wrapped around each other in the elevator, lost in a desperate kiss. Kisses and giggles as you made your way stumbling to your hotel room. This time, he had you bent over the bed, hands on the mattress as he knelt down eating you out for the life of him until you had come fisting the sheets, then he got up and fucked you from behind.
You two laid on the bed, breathless and with a thin layer of sweat as he pulled you closer, a palm over your stomach, tracing all dips and curves lazily.
âHere we are again,â Sebastian whispered, and you looked at his eyes, shining blue and flushed face.
âSeems like we keep coming back for moreâŠâ You pointed out, with a laugh.
He was about to say something when his phone rang, and he found his jeans and picked up the call. You just watched as he started speaking on the phone, quickly grabbing his clothes and starting to dress up again.
âIâm sorry,â He said after finishing the call, buttoning up his pants, âWe have a photoshoot to do, and I had completely forgotten about it.â
âItâs fine,â You said, sitting up on the bed.
He paused for a moment, looking at you all naked and debauched on the bed, looking especially delicious. Sebastian wished at that moment he could have taken a picture to keep with him forever while you looked like a goddess. He just pecked your lips, deep and fast, before scurrying off. A stupid smile in both of your faces that you couldnât see.
Weirdly enough, you didnât talk about that again. It was like you were two different people in other settings, but back in the motorsport world, you had no opening or desire to be that two people that stole kisses in hotel rooms. But the silent glances were still there, a knowing look exchanged. You didnât grow any closer out of those brief moments in space and time.
As the season progressed, you got a somewhat grip on the car, even reaching second place in the standings for the WDC.
Your encounters with Sebastian also kept happening, at least once a month. You didnât talk much about the nature of your relationship, about what it meant, or why it kept happening. It felt like you two were always focused on making the most of the little time you had. One of you would always leave in the middle of the night or early in the morning, without waking up the other, like a silent agreement.
Still, you had a growing feeling that Sebastian didnât like you outside those fleeting moments. And you knew that those things could happen, you could have great bed chemistry and still not be friends or not particularly be fond of someone. Just sex. It was what you told yourself every time you had to see him be cold and distant during race weeks. You couldnât help but remember those few years back when he called you a perfect PR doll in a conversation. The harshness in his voice when he talked about you that day still haunted you sometimes.
It all came to a head after you won consecutively the three races in the triple header, and the media was eating that up. But unfortunately, Sebastian had two DNFs and a qualifying so awful that he only managed to finish the last race P8. During the following media day, which had both of you in the same panel, you were asked some questions regarding your recent wins and the perspective of the championship. After replying, there was a small scoff that Sebastianâs mic caught.
âAnything to add to her reply, Sebastian?â The journalist asked.
âNo, nothing muchâŠâ Sebastian scoffed, âI mean, with Red Bullâs rocketship, winning is whatâs expected of it, no?â
The words hit you like a punch, and it took a herculean effort to keep a straight face and seem unaffected. But the wave of silence and tension that followed was enough to show that everyone had caught that jab. Lewis even muttered a disappointed âmanâŠâ to Sebastian, away from the mic.
You didnât look at Sebastian again during that conference, but at that point he could tell your real smile from the fake one. He could see the discreet clench of your jaw and he knew deep down that he had fucked up massively.
Thatâs why that weekend after the race, one you had placed P3, he went to your motorhome before leaving the paddock, knocking on the door quickly. He waited for you to open the door, hoping and praying you had not left yet. When you finally did, dressed in casual clothes, probably about to leave, he could see the surprise on your face that you had not expected to see him there. You looked around to check if anyone was seeing that before pulling him inside.
âWhat do you want? Be quick.â You said, finishing packing your bag and barely looking at him.
âIâm sorry about what I said during media day. That was fucked up.â He said, carefully.
âOh, fuck off, SebastianâŠâ You scoffed, âwe both know you just said what has always been on your mind.â
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â He frowned.
âDonât play dumb now, Sebastian. Everyone knows. I know and so do you.â
âKnow what?â He frowned, taking a step closer.
âThat you hate me!â You exploded, turning to face him.
âIs that what you think?!â He asked, offended, âYou think Iâd have sex with someone I hate?â
âIt never stopped anyone beforeâŠâ You said, rolling your eyes, âLetâs be honest here. All the secrecy, all the never talking about it, never calling or texting before or after⊠Iâm just the âPerfect Fake PR dollâ that you donât like.â
As soon as the words came out of your mouth, Sebastian frowned, but after a few seconds he remembered that he had said those exact words about you, with such annoyance and disgust. That was farthest from the truth, and he couldnât dare to repeat those words now that he had seen so many raw, genuine parts of you.
âListen, I justâŠâ He sighed, âI just hate all this fakeness you sell. All this acting and playing a part.â
âIt is survival!â
âSurvival?â He scoffed, not buying your words, âyou pretend to be someone youâre not to appease the world.â
âYou wouldnât ever know what this is about, Sebastian. Youâre Formula Oneâs dream man. Youâre the straight white guy they want, the perfect image for motorsports. Be fucking real with me. Do you think if I had half the attitude you do, Iâd be treated like you? No, Iâd be ostracized,â You said, eyes shining in defensiveness, like he was the enemy you had to pretend to, âI will do what I can to stay here. I do what I can to still have a seat and a career here. Everything I do, is to be perfect, to appease the audience, the sponsors, the FIA, everything, and I still have to deal with misogyny. I still have to hear people saying I should go back to the kitchen. So no, I wonât change.â It was like a dam had broken and you had to put out everything you felt, every pain you had regarding that.
Sebastian sighed, scratching his head. He had fucked up even more, because it had never gone through his head any of that. He had never thought of the backlash you must face, being a woman, about the difficulties to fit, to be accepted in an environment heavily made of older white men that liked things to stay the way they were.
âYou got to see the real me, I let myself be vulnerable and genuine with you. God knows the reason why you have seen me more than anyone else has. And you get out there with your full chest implying that Iâm winning because of the car, when you know the car has been unreliable and Iâm bending over backwards to make this shitbox win racesâŠâ Your voice was shaken but you refused to let him see you cry again. That had become ammo in his arsenal one time, you wouldnât repeat the same mistake again.
âIâŠâ He stuttered like he had just been hit with that knowledge, ashamed that he had never stopped to think about any of that.
âYou can hate me all you want, Sebastian. You can tell me youâd rather me be genuine, but I need to wear armor. Out there? Iâll still be the PR Doll you like to call me if it means I get to stay.â
âPrincipessa, Iâm just so-â He started but you cut him off again.
âJust get out, Sebastian. This,â you pointed between you two, âwas a mistake to begin with. We both know where we stand with each other.â
âI donât hate you.â He said, suddenly.
âRight. You need to go.â You rolled your eyes.
âI need you to believe me in this. I donât hate you.â He repeated, slowly, blue eyes pleading.
âLeave, Sebastian.â You said, not leaving room for argument. He took two steps back, knowing he wasnât going to get through to you at that moment.
âI donât hate you,â He said one last time, before turning around and leaving.
Let me know in the comments if you wanna be tagged for part 2!
#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1#f1 fic#f1#formula one#sebastian vettel#sebastian vettel x reader#sebastian vettel x you#sv5#sv5 x reader#Spotify
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hii would you be able to write a leah x reader fic where reader is just very veryy sleepy and just falls asleep on leah a lot no matter what time it was or where they were
sleepy girl - leah williamson
leah williamson x reader
description: in which youâll always be leahâs sleepy girl
warnings: suggestive, swearing
a/n: iâm back!! this req too cute! thank you for the request, lovely! enjoy!! i donât throughly enjoy this but itâs okay
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if there was one thing that everyone knew about you, it was that you were extremely sleepy. it didnât matter what you did, or how many hours you slept, you had the ability to fall asleep anywhere, especially if you were with your girlfriend, leah.
there was just something about her shoulder that lulled you to dreamland when you least expect it.
it really wasnât uncommon to see you cuddled up to leah, sleeping soundly while she gently palms your skin or just holds your hand.
maybe it was her scent, or her gentle touches that topped it all and leah ate it up everytime.
leah absolutely loved you in your sleepy state, your most affectionate and easily convinced state, she just thought you were the cutest.
â
you and leah had been friends ever since you could remember. you both went through the arsenal youth teams and stuck together like glue. you both quite literally could not be separated, finding a sense of comfort in being together anywhere and everywhere.
it came to no oneâs surprise when the two of you started dating at 21, a late realisation from both of you.
you and leah often laughed about her mumâs reaction of: âhavenât you always been dating?â. your love was very pure, and genuine. full of affection and respect, both of you so giddy to finally be dating after the years and years of pining.
throughout your relationship and friendship, leah learned just how sleepy you could be and she found it incredibly endearing you felt safe enough to sleep anywhere if she was there.
â
âbaby,â leah whispers, her hand rubbing comforting, warm circles over your (her) shirt in the early hours in the morning. you both had training and leah always made it her personal mission to be the one to get you up in the morning.
you grumble, burying your face into the pillow of your shared bed. leah lets out a little giggle, moving to lie back down to rest the side of her head on your shoulder blade. âpleaseâ leah nuzzles her head against you.
the gentle rise and fall of your body had her smiling affectionately, her hand still exploring your skin and if anything sending you right back to sleep.
âcome on, my girl, trainingâ she reminds you gently, holding herself up slightly over your body to place a gentle kiss between the space of your shoulder blades.
âno, leeâ you whine, shaking your head, leah laughs again, giving the back of your neck a kiss this time and smiling at the way you giggled at the ticklish sensation.
âyes, lee, come on!â she pleads, gently rolling you around so you could lay on your back. you squint and look up at her and she takes you in, she always loved you in the mornings, always a little grumpy but softening for her almost immediately.
âgood morning, sunshine,â she chuckles, a hint of a smile plays at your lips and you hold your arms up, she grins brightly, wrapping your arms around her neck in an attempt to lift you from the bed but you dragged her down with you. she laughs brightly when your legs wrap around her waist and pepper kisses all over her face.
â(y/n)!â she attempted to reprimand, but the way she was melting into you told you everything. âwhy are you denying me sleep, and my own girlfriend?â you rasp out, leah hovers over you slightly, smiling down at you cheekily.
âiâll buy you a little treat if you get up right nowâ she persuades, you smile up at her and nod while she lays a gentle, sweet kiss on your lips before she hoists you up. âyouâve got yourself a deal, williamsonâ you kiss her cheek with an exaggerated âmwahâ making her laugh once more, one of your favourite sounds in the world.
â
you were both in the gym in the arsenal training facility, you and leah were stretching on mats, until leah began to drink water and you planted yourself in her embrace.
she happily welcomed you, pulling you close by your waist so your back was flush to her front, her arm securely wrapped around you while she had some water.
she held the bottle to your mouth and forced you to have some, kissing your cheek when you finished. she wraps her free arm around your waist and hugs you tightly.
you melted into her, your head resting on her shoulder quickly had you falling asleep.
âdo you wanna watch a movie later?â leah asks softly in your ear, when she doesnât hear a response, she leans forward slightly to see you dozing off on her shoulder.
she smiles brightly, pulling you closer and kissing your cheek gently before she rested her cheek against yours.
âlook at you, lovebirdsâ beth teases, leah throws her a glare and beth sticks her tongue out at her in response,âfuck off, bethâ leah whisper shouts, making sure not to wake you up accidentally.
though, all the movement managed to wake you up. âsorry, baby, bethâs being a little shitâ leah grumbles, kissing your cheek apologetically as you grip onto the arms wrapped around you.
âitâs okayâ you yawn, now fully awake after your little power nap.
you turned your head around and smiled at leah adoringly, it had blood rushing to her cheeks almost immediately.
you kiss her lips quickly and mutter sweet words against her lips, leah could tell beth was teasing her from afar at how soft leah was at that moment. but leah didnât care, her girl showing her clingy, soft side had her heart soaring.
âmy sleepy girlâ leah coos, pinching your cheek lightly, you smile up at her, slowly blinking while your eyes trail along her face. âyouâre pretty,â you utter, she raises her eyebrows at you amusingly.
âsomeoneâs still a little sleepyâ she chuckles, you shake your head and lean into her, âno, iâm awakeâ leah grins, her heart beating out of her chest when you began to play with her fingers, you were now arguing with beth over your sleeping habits.
âfuck off, beth, leahâs really comfortableâ you defend, huffing in frustration, âclearly! since you fell asleep in what, two minutes?â beth teases, leah laughs and you turn to her offendedly, her smile slightly dropping at your narrowed eyes. âsorryâ leah breathes out, tightening her grip on you as you turn back to argue with beth.
â
when leah went down with her acl, you took care of her with utmost hospitality and diligence. leah often had to beg you to sit down so she could cuddle you because you just wouldnât stop. leah knew she couldnât have gotten through recovery without you, telling you that almost every day.
you couldnât wait for leah to come back, counting down the days but also being extremely strict with her and her recovery.
âleah, no, ice itâ you say sternly, placing the bag of ice back on her knee. âbaby, please, iâm bored!â leah groans, making grabby hands at you in an attempt for you to sit down.
âleahâ you say flatly, leah rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest, âstop calling me leahâ she grumbles, your face softens and you go and sit next to her, kissing her cheek apologetically as you both watched the movie on the tv.
âsorry, babyâ you start, âi need you to get better, iâm lacking in my leah training napsâ you tease, leah scoffs with a laugh, shaking her head but pulling you into a sweet kiss, âiâll be better soonâ she demands, kissing your lips repeatedly.
the day she finally was able to come back was for an england match, and you were both starting.
for the first time in your relationship, you got up first, the excitement jolting you awake. leahâs arm was wrapped tightly around your waist while her legs were tangled with yours.
you placed a little kiss on her nose and giggled when it crinkled under your touch. leahâs eyes flutter awake and she gives you a surprised smile, âwhy are you awake? whatâs wrong?â leah mumbles, moving to lie on top of you, her face burrowing into the crook of your neck.
you scoff, unable to resist carding your hands through her hair as she leaned into you. âitâs the big dayâ you gasp excitedly when you feel leah kiss a column of kisses up your neck.
she smiles against you and hums, you close your eyes and sigh contentedly, âmhm it is, donât fall back asleep, weâve got a game to winâ leah teases, pinching your hip lightly, making you giggle before moving to pull you into a breathless kiss.
âiâm wide awake, thank you very muchâ you defend, âiâll give you a couple hours till my shoulder turns into a pillowâ leah teases, bursting out laughing when you donât defend yourself, your cheeks pink as she leans in for another kiss.
â
the team were all having breakfast at the hotel before you all boarded the bus. you opted sitting with alessia and ella to let leah catch up with the girls.
but you couldnât focus on the conversation, your eyes would drift to leah, a proud smile evident on your face that got you teased relentlessly.
it took about 15 minutes until alessia begged you to go over to her, tired of your yearning glances towards the blonde. you promptly left without a second thought.
you see leah chatting with georgia and keira on a table on the other side of the room and you just couldnât contain yourself.
you walked up behind leah and keira and georgia laughed immediately at how you were only apart for not even 10 minutes until you needed to be near her again.
leah furrows her eyebrows and follows their gaze, her face immediately softening at seeing her favourite girl nearing with a bright smile.
you rush forward and pull her into a kiss, your hands cradling her face, she hums in surprise against you and pulls you to sit on her lap, the girls around teasing and wolf whistling at seeing you two.
âoh, hello,â leah breathes out with a giggle, you smile and pull her into another kiss, tame for the public eye, yet expressing every ounce of affection you both had.
âsomeoneâs excited,â leah smirks, her hand running over your thigh as she draws you closer on her lap.
you nod along with her, kissing her cheek tenderly, âvery excited, my girls backâ you hum, resting your head against hers and focusing on the intense debate occurring between georgia and keira.
though, as leah kept cuddling into you, you felt your eyes begin to close and like clockwork, you were asleep.
leah felt your dead weight against her and she shook her head amusingly, kissing your shoulder and gently swaying you until it was time to get on the bus. âtold youâ she teases you, knowing you couldnât hear her but still having to prove she was right.
âbaby, letâs sleep on the busâ leah coos, smiling as you stir awake and immediately pull her into a tight hug. her hands on instinct rub over your back, chuckling when you wouldnât let go. your legs wrap around her waist.
âno, iâm not movingâ you whine, leah kisses your cheek before lifting you up, the girls laughing amusingly at the fact you were already asleep against leah.
she sits you down at the window seat and tucks you into her side quickly, she drapes your legs over her thighs and runs her hands up and down them gently while you sleep against her shoulder.
the girls passing by you giggle and take photos of a sleeping you and a very unamused leah at all the teasing.
âyou mustâve done a number on her last night, williamson?â mary teases, leah narrows her eyes at her, her cheeks a little pink (mary wasn't lying), her stern captain face front and centre.
leah flips her off, refraining from arguing because she didnât want to wake you up. mary laughs and turns back around, leah focuses back on you, moving some stray hairs off your face, her heart eyes evident to everyone as she looks at you adoringly.
you slept the whole way through, thanks to leah telling everyone to shut up if their voices just went above a whisper. âso help me, you wake her up, iâll have you benched or doing lapsâ sheâd threaten, the girls genuinely couldnât tell if she was serious. (she was)
âlove, weâre hereâ leah whispers, pecking your cheek and waking you up with a smile. âhiâ you grin, âhiâ she chuckles, kissing you quickly before tugging you off the bus, both of you waving to the camera with cheesy grins filming your arrival.
âgood bus ride, girls?â the social media manager laughs, leah nods, nudging you with her shoulder, âthis one got in a pre-match nap while i sat and watchedâ she teased, looking at you with a cheesy grin.
âsuch a creep, watching me sleepâ you tease, winking at the camera and pulling leah off with your intertwined hands.
â
you and leah got taken off 20 minutes before full time. you both collapsed on the bench, absolutely exhausted from the brilliant performance from the two of you.
you give leah the biggest hug when you sat down, telling her how proud you were that she was finally back, and no less the captain of the squad.
as you both watched the rest of the match, you gently ran your nails over the skin of her arm as she rested her hand on your thigh. you both watched intensely, watching the match play out.
you moved over slightly to rest your head on leahâs shoulder and she already knew what was about to happen.
âdonât you dare leave me alone right nowâ leah teases, âiâm not, leeâ you mumble, âyouâre about to fall asleep, my loveâ leah laughs, âiâm wide awakeâ you scoff, glaring at her for a second before thumping your head on her shoulder.
âwhatever you say, babyâ she grins, squeezing your thigh gently as she leaned down slightly to make your position more comfortable.
her body was warm and her scent was enveloping you, her steady breathing and her hand caressing your thigh made your heart flutter, but also made you extremely sleepy.
you nuzzle into her and pull her arm closer to your body, promptly falling asleep. âand there she goesâ she laughs to herself, kissing the top of your head as she watches the rest of the game.
the moment got filmed and went borderline viral, people laughing at how fast you fell asleep but calling the moment extremely cute between the two of you.
leah woke you up when it was finished and forced you to do your cool down, smiling at how dazed you were, promising you a good nap on the way home that you begrudgingly agreed to.
you both fell asleep on the bus to no oneâs surprise but were both wide awake that night, showing leah just how proud you were of her comeback.
â â
â â
â â
â â
â
liked by bethmead_ and 44,232 others
leahwilliamsonn: englandâs star striker, everyone!
view all comments
yourname: it was a long day
âł leahwilliamsonn: aw, i know, baby
yourname: but, where is alessia?
âł alessiarusso99: hi
âł leahwilliamsonn: so humble
âł yourname: what can i say
âł leahwilliamsonn: ah, there she is!
bethmead_: this girl could sleep through an earthquake, i swear
âł leahwilliamsonn: oh 100%
âł yourname: baby! youâre supposed to defend me, some girlfriend you are.
âł leahwilliamsonn: fine, sheâd wake up during an earthquake and THEN fall asleep
âł yourname: đ
read part two here !!
#woso#woso community#woso fanfics#woso x reader#woso one shot#woso imagine#leah williamson#leah williamson x reader
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[TANGERINE DREAMS]
summary: being stood up on his wedding day, Aemondâs life takes a turn for the worse. Heartbroken and humiliated, he finds unexpected help in Helaenaâs childhood friend, who helps him move back into his family mansion. Summer cocktail parties and a long stay at the Targaryen residency, Aemond might let the girl whoâs always been in his life make a home in his heart.
Tangerines, in general, symbolize prosperity, good luck and happiness. So if these delicious fruits appear in your dreams - whole or in the form of juice - it is usually very positive. A dream with tangerines expresses the desire and the possibility of progress and prosperity
word count: 5.2k+
warnings: angst & fluff! English isnât my first language<3
a/n: loviessssss welcome to the first chap of my summer romance! I hope you love this as much as I do when Iâm writing it! Reblogs & comments are most appreciatedđ„čđ and very special thank you to @namelesslosers for betaing this for me<33đ©·
Dividers by @/firefly-graphics
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Updates: every Saturday!
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Chapter 1: runaway bride
He shouldnât be stressed, should he?Â
Everything is in the right place; groomsmen are standing behind him while fixing each otherâs coats and reassuring him, bridesmaids are in front of him as they talk and giggle, the guests are whispering and the priest is tapping his fingers on his watch.
Alys is a few minutes late, but itâs just a few minutes, thereâs nothing to worry about. Aemond knows she must be even more stressed than he is. Itâs their big day after all and naturally, the bride is the more anxious one. Surely thatâs true, right? But why are his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his coat uncontrollably, why is rocking on the ball of his feet? He canât be that nervous.
He looks around, finding his mum biting her nails. She searches around the room, looking for someone, anyone, to come and tell her about her bride-to-beâs whereabouts. His eye finds Helaena, watching as she caresses the flower petals before meeting his gaze, smiling broadly at him. He smiles back, but it doesnât reach his eyes to convince her heâs doing alright. He is alright, just a tad bit too stressed for everyoneâs liking, especially Helaena who can sense his nerves buzzing with excitement and fear.Â
The church Alicent chose for his wedding has been used by Targaryens for years and passed on for generations. The walls covered in royalty tapestries of mythical Valyrian gods have seen many weddings and unions, and now, they will see his wedding.
He sighs, wanting to run his fingers through his hair but remembering his hair is in a low bun and his Mum would kill him if he ruined his perfectly done hair. He sighs again, looking up at the ceiling, his brow furrowing in worry.
What is taking her so long? She should have been here ten minutes ago.
Aemond turns around and looks at Daeron, their eyes meeting for a brief second before his younger brother nods and walks to the corner of the hall before slipping out the door without any hesitation.Â
âDonât worry, brother, sheâll come around,â Aegon says, his breath stinking with the three glasses of champagne heâs had from the bar in the garden attached to the church grounds, where they will host the party.
âThis isnât another simple date she can be late to. This is our wedding, Aegon!â He exhales shakily, his voice barely above whispering.
He knows he is right, even Aegon knows he is right, but there is little they both can do. They need to wait for her to show up eventually. She will, wonât she? Of course she will, it was Alys who was too eager to marry, start a family, and take a step towards their shared dreams. She reassured him of his hesitation, and he agreed to do this with a heart full of love.
âSir,â the priest calls him, âIâm needed for another ceremony in about an hour and the ride there will take a longââ
âShe will come,â Aemondâs response is more of a reassurance to him than the priest, âyou must have seen this more than us, Sir, the bride always shows up.â
âYes, yes, my apologies,â the man nods his head, going back to do whatever he was doing before.Â
With every second that passes and Alys doesnât show up he grows more restless, beads of sweat forming on his hairline. Aemond is a closed-up person, not really used to showing his feelings and emotions outwardly, but now, he is tapping his foot on the ground while his eye swipes at the guests, finding his half-sisterâs family behind his Mum â he averts his eye quickly. The last thing he needs is to get furious over his sisterâs goblins.
âWhat is taking her so long?â He hears someone say from the guests, even their stupid gossip is not enough to distract them from how late the bride is. He is growing desperate at this point, the muscles in his shin are growing tired with how fast he is tapping his foot on the floor, his fingers can no longer fidget with his coat instead his nails are digging into his sweaty palm.
Please, please, Alys, just open this door⊠He thinks to himself before spotting Daeron sneaking inside the hall with you on your toe. He watches as the two of you make your way toward Helaena, whispering something in her ear before she and Daeron leap out of the hall in a second, catching everyoneâs attention.
The hall grows noisier, and the hushed whispers turn into loud accusations and questions; âWhere is the bride?â
âI have always known she was problematic!âÂ
âEight years older? How scandalous!â
âHow did Viserys Targaryen let his son marry her?â
âI have heard she has quite the reputation with men, always after their moneyââ
Now his hands are shaking, he hides them by locking them behind his back before he looks in front of him, trying to mask out the noise. Aemond catches your eye, watching as you give him a reassuring smile before taking slow steps towards him.
âHey you.â
âHeyâŠâ he replies as best as he can without his voice breaking, âyou look beautiful.â
âSo do you, little nerd!â You reach to fix his bowtie, trying to calm him down a bit, ânot so little though, right? Youâre getting married before me!â
âYeah, Iâm younger and I beat you to it,â he chuckles a little, silently thanking you for keeping a leash on his nerves.
Itâs always been like this since the two of you remember. Growing up close to the Targaryens as Helaenaâs kindergarten friend until now, you have grown to know each of the siblings like the back of your hand, especially Aemond who was a constant presence in your games with Helaena since he could walk â sometimes it feels like you are his best friend and not Helaenaâs with how attentive you are to him. As much as he wishes for that to be true, he knows the bond you share with his sister is something so precious and special that no one can break it.
âJust so you wait, Aemond, you wonât be invited to my wedding when the time comes!â You tease him, trying to lighten his mood, reaching to fix a few strands of hair that have fallen out of his bun.
âThatâs not fairââ
Everyone falls silent when the door is pushed open, revealing a heaving Daeron and a very anxious Helaena. You both turn around to look at the siblings, meeting them halfway with Aegon following you closely.Â
âWeâŠâ Helaena starts, but she canât talk. Something bad must have happened for her to be so speechless.
âWhat?â You ask gently, resting your hand on her shoulders in hopes of trying to get her to talk.
âWe found Alys,â Daeron looks at Aemond with an unreadable expression, âbut sheâŠâ
âSpit it out for fuck sake!â Aegon whispers through gritted teeth, his hand shoved in his pockets as he waits for Daeron to finish his sentence.
âShe doesnât want to get married,â Helaena blurts out, swallowing the lump in her throat as she looks at Aemond with sad sympathetic eyes.
âHel, this is insane. Did she say it herselfââ you say, frowning slightly.
âCriston is holding her back from running away. Thereâs a car parked outside, I thinkââ
Aemond canât listen to these words anymore, so he pushes past his siblings and you, jogging out of the church towards the attached garden, finding Cole and Alys tangled in a messy fight as she tries to escape from his grasp.
âAlys!â He yells her name, making the couple freeze, but in a second, she knees Cole in his stomach and runs past him, her long white dress drags across the grass as she bolts out of the gates too fast for Aemond to be able to catch up, and once he does, he watches the car leave.
The noises around him vanish, and all he can hear is the thumping of his pulse in his ears, and the sharp breaths he takes. The world around him seems to disappear, and his good eye follows the path the car is taking, his fingers are tingling, his chest rising and falling rapidly while he tries to regain his grip on himself.
He sighs, finally his senses coming back as he looks around him, finding you, his Mum, and his siblings running towards him. Aemond doesnât wish to talk to anyone, he wants to stay invisible, for the world to swallow him whole and keep him away from the humiliation that is about to be unleashed on him.
âDarlingââ
âAemondââ
The group reaches him, Alicent cups his face in her warm hands as she looks at him with tears stinging her eyes. Aemond can see how devastated she is about him, how she desperately wants to say something and ease his pain but the words are lost in the air when she opens her mouth to utter them.
He reaches and holds her wrists gently, pressing her palms against his cheeks as they silently communicate their emotions â no words need to be said, they understand, Alicent understands his pain, and he knows that she would take it away if she could.
âWe should tell the guests,â Aemond says before letting go of his Mumâs hands, striding past his siblings and you towards the salon attached to the church, finding many of the guests already there â his half-sister and her kids with a few other relatives.
He knows they are waiting to hear more of this mess just to taunt him and make his day worse. Everyone knows they are looking for one mistake from him and his family to ruin their reputation, and now, with Aemond Targaryenâs runaway bride, they must be ecstatic.
âWhat happened, nephew? We thought we were invited for a traditional wedding, but all we see is a lonely groomââ
The glare Aemond gives his uncle and nephews is enough for them to shut up. He tries to put up a strong front, head held high and hands folded behind his back, but if you squint you can see how his resolve is crumbling with each second that he spends in their presence.
He decides not to give in to their silly games and walks towards the bar before he snatches the pack of cigarettes on the stool, leaving the room without saying a word. His mind is foggy as he tries to walk past everyone, he is handling many things at the same time but the bitter and heavy feeling in his chest crushes his strength to process it.
The sound of chatter and gossip fades away as he walks through the back garden of the church; a few little benches and a fountain in the corner hidden from the eyes of the guests with a wisteria tree.
This area could have made a romantic core memory for Aemond and Alys if only things had gone differentlyâŠ
With a deep sigh, he sits on the ground, his back against the fountain as he fiddles with his bow tie, undoing the first few buttons of his shirt, his coat falling on the ground next to him. He opens the pack of cigarettes, pulling one out before he reaches in his pants for a lighter â something he is sure youâd scold him for as you always do, teasing him lightheartedly about his obsession with lighters.
When he inhales the smoke, his mind gets clearer, and he can think a little better, but he is not sure if he would really like to do so. His ex-fiancé left him just a few minutes ago, and his mind fills with dreadful thoughts.
Was it him?
Was he too young for her? Too immature?
Did she change her mind because she loved someone else?
Was he too strict and selfish?
Was it really him who brought this on himself? On his family?
He blows out the smoke, resting his elbow on his knee as he reaches to untie his bun, his hair falling freely around his shoulders while the droplets of water land on the soft silver strands from the fountain.
It is the beginning of the summer, the spring chill of the weather is replaced with an increasing heat, the birds chipper and he can see the peachy hue of sunset in the sky from between the leaves of the tree.
He feels numb, a dull ache in his chest blooming as the reality hits him. Aemond takes another drag of his cigarette, throwing his head back, and letting his hair fall inside the water fountain. He sniffs, closing his eye to keep his tears from flowing down, the storm of his thoughts wrecking his mind once again.
He loves her, she was his everything from the start â his first kiss, first girlfriend, first fight. Alys was his everything, and now, she is nothing but a memory, a memory he wishes to wipe away quickly.Â
How can you claim to love someone and leave them without any remorse?Â
There is guilt and sadness, but mostly itâs the doubt and self-hatred that makes him want to sob. Many questions are swirling in his head about how he is the reason she has left. Maybe she was right about leaving him, no one would like to be the wife of a man who deals with heavy pain daily.
He takes another drag, relishing in the feeling of the soft evening breeze that kisses his heated skin, cooling him down a little. The smell of smoke grounds him in this world, making him forget about the mess that is probably happening in the church. He is sure his siblings and Mum are trying their best to talk to Alysâ relatives and other guests, explaining the situation in a hurry.
âYour suite must have cost thousands,â you say casually, announcing your presence as you walk with your long dress in hand, careful with how uneasy your heels feel on the soft grass, making your way to where he is sitting.
âNothing compared to the decorations she ordered,â he scoffs, putting out his cigarette on the edge of the stone of the fountain before he straightens his neck and looks at you.
âYeah, I saw them,â you sigh, fisting your skirt before sitting next to him, shoulders touching subtly, âshe has a very⊠interesting taste. Whoâd thought a lawyer would be into witchcraft?â
âShe likes things no one can understand,â he says, gazing up at the wisteria tree, âI also paid for the dress you are getting wet grass stains onââ
âThat was irrelevant because Hel bought it for me! She knew how much of an ass youâd be about it,â you chuckle a little, watching as a ghost of a smile finds its way to his face before it falters and his eye drops to the grass, the smile no longer visible.
âYeah, maybe thatâs why Alys left,â he scoffs in disbelief again, shaking his head a little as he thinks of every bad trait he has, considering all of them could be the reason she decided she was better off without him.
âHer loss,â you say softly, âyou are too funny, little nerd, even for someone who can be a stuck-up ass sometimes.â
âYou are lucky my sister loved you enough to keep you around because Iâd get rid of you the second I could,â he mumbles, huffing out a small laugh when you punch his biceps playfully.
âThatâs not nice, Aemond!â You laugh together, rubbing the place where you hit him, âYou love me too, thatâs why you will never get tired of me,â saying this, you can see his shoulder tensing â love, what a weird word to use.Â
Does he love you? Does he even love anyone?
Maybe he does, but it wasnât enough to keep his fiance with him.
Maybe his love was too much for Alys to bear.
âHow did you find me?â He asks, his voice hoarse and thick, âI was trying to be invisible.â
âGive me thatââ you grab the pack of cigarettes from him, pulling one out and waiting for Aemond to light it for you. You inhale a puff, handing it back to him before looking up at the sky, âdo you remember when youâd steal my books and go into your old stables to read?â
âI do, no one could find me,â he takes a drag of the cigarette, blowing out the smoke before he talks, âbut you did.â
âI believed you would do it because you wanted someone to look for you,â you look at him with soft eyes, âand I always did. Your siblings had no idea where you would go, but I knew you like the back of my hand. Or maybe I just wanted my book back!â
He matches your smile, but you can see the pain in his eye, this is not a time to beat around the bush. He wishes to let it out â whatever it is. Perhaps itâs anger, frustration, betrayal, maybe itâs his ultimate desire to vanish into thin air to save himself from the press and humiliation that heâll be going through.
âWhat did I do wrong?â He asks, and you must be able to see the agony he is in, he is in grave distress, and the cloud of doubt is causing a tornado in his head that will kill the remaining of his confidence, âdid I not give her enough love, show her how much I wanted her?â
âYou gave her your heart, something you would never do for someone you didnât like,â you reach and squeeze his shoulder, âyou did your best, gave her your everything. We all saw how devoted you were, it is not your fault.â
âThen why? Why?!â He asks desperately, looking at you with his wide teary eye, the ocean blue orb staring into your soul with need, âI thought I was everything she wanted, she said it herselfââ he looks away before he can cry, throwing his head back to stop the tears from falling, putting the cigarette between his thin lips.
âYou are more than enough, Aemondââ
âShe wasnât worth it, was she?â He cuts you off, âshe took me for granted,â he sounds so little, so fragile, and he feels so.
âYou loved her! Iâm sure, Aemond, that your love for her was so beautiful and precious, it was Alys who couldnât be better.â
âShe was the one who wanted to get married as soon as possibleâŠâ he whispers, closing his eye as he talks with the cigarette between his lips, âeven Aegon made fun of me for not saying no to her, he said I needed to grow up and not give in to her whims.â
âAegon is a little shit, he canât even keep one girl in a one-month relationship. He should be the last person on earth to get advice from,â You nudge his shoulder, grab the cigarette, and pull it away from his lips, âloving your partner is not a crime. So what? You liked spoiling her, did you not?â
âYeah, I didâŠâ he says, looking back down at his fingers rubbing over the fabric of his pants, âAlys used to tell me I was a kid too, that I needed to grow up or else I wouldnât be a good husband.â
âOh, AemondâŠâ
He averts his gaze towards you, tears brimming in his eye, âI did everything I could,â he is helpless, the gut-wrenching feeling is eating him alive.
âDonât bottle it up, little nerd,â you reach and push a few strands of his hair behind his ear, âyou can cry, Iâm here.â
And he does; he rests his head on your shoulder and starts sobbing quietly, tears falling on his scarred cheek.
âIâm here,â you whisper, wrapping your arm around his shoulders, making him feel safe enough to pour his emotions out.
Aemond has been avoiding the situation as best as he can; ignoring his grandfatherâs calls, not leaving the house for a few weeks, and trying to get a hold on his life again.
All his efforts are in vain.
He still lives in the same apartment in Rosby he and Alys bought a few months ago, their photos and pictures hanging on the walls, the bed they used to sleep on together, their bathroom, their kitchen â everything feels like an old movie reel, a twilight zone he doesnât know if he likes to leave or embrace and drown in it.
Aemond has been keeping contact with his siblings throughout the past week, refusing their help to come and live with him for a while, saying he wanted some time alone to figure out what he wished to do from then on.
The media is filled with pictures of him standing outside the garden catching the car speeding away â how the paparazzi get there? No one knows but the fingers are pointed at his half-sister and uncle. The pictures are all over the news and the internet, mainly using his Targaryen name to drag him into the dirt.
He plops down on the couch, unlocking his phone only to be greeted with thousands of texts from his Mum and Daeron, begging him to come home and stay the summer with them in Targaryen residency. Itâs not an idea he hasnât entertained before, in fact, he would like to go back home and take some time off for himself. So he texts Alicent and tells her heâll move in with them for a while until he is better and ready to come back to this forsaken apartment.
He starts packing a few hours later, dirty clothes thrown into the washing machine while he sits on the floor with a huge suitcase ready to be filled. Suddenly his phone starts ringing, startling him greatly. He reaches for the phone on the bed, looking at the screen to see whoâs calling him. You. Your name lights up his phone, making him smile a little, thinking probably the word has spread like wildfire.
âHey,â
âHey yourself, little nerd!â You say enthusiastically, âheard you wanna move back into your Mumâs place.â
âHmm, yeah,â he sighs, securing the phone between his ear and shoulder as he talks to you, âa change would be nice, especially for the summer.â
âThen youâre in luck!â You reply, âHel asked me to come and spend the summer at the mansion too!â he chuckles when he hears you groaning over who knows what before continuing, âAnyway, Iâll come to your place whenever you want so I can help you pack whatever youâd like to take there and then drive to Kingâs Landing.â
âSounds great, I really appreciate the offer,â he agrees, grabbing the phone as soon as the washing machine stops, âIâd like it if you could take some time and come here tomorrow?â
âOf course, just send me the location, alright? The sooner we pack, the sooner we can have some of Aegonâs magnificent cocktails!â
âUrgh, that loser will be home too?â He feigns a groan, breaking character when he hears your snort.
âStop being mean to him, he makes the best Sex on the Beach!â You both chuckle, knowing you are right, Aegon does make the best cocktails known to humankind, âWeâll have fun there, and Iâve missed Vhagar so much!â
âI missed her too,â Aemond says fondly, âthank you again for helping me out, I wouldnât have reached out if you didnât call me.â
âOh I know, thatâs why I called. You can always count on me! Anyway, Iâll come tomorrow and help you pack.â
âAlright, thank you, Iâll text you the address,â Aemond says, grabbing the basket to empty the wet clothes from the washing machine.
âSee you tomorrow, Little nerd!â
âYou should have told me you have a Chevy Camaro, I doubt we can fit anything in this little car!â you hug and greet him when he opens the door, âI brought my things too if itâs okay with you.â
âYeah, sure, the sooner we pack, the sooner we can leave!â He replies, grabbing your suitcaseâs handle, and leading you inside his apartment, âDonât worry, my car has carried much larger things. This is nothing.â
âWhatever you say! Nowâ woah, you are packed already?â You look around the room, a few boxes neatly put on top of each other and labeled, one backpack and another half-filled suitcase on the floor.
âI just need some help with my clothes and whether I shouldâŠâ he points at the framed photos on the walls, photos of him and Alys, âthrow them out or send them to her with her belongings.â
âWell, I think you should give it some time before you do something you might regret,â you squeeze his shoulder lightly, âit seems we can go tonight, right? You donât have many things left to pack.â
âYeah, just a few clothes! You can get the snack while I put them in the suitcaseââ
âNo, no, lemme fold your clothes! You should start putting the boxes away, Iâll get everything ready,â you pat him on the chest, walking towards his bedroom to fold his clothes for him.
He nods silently and thanks you before he grabs the boxes and leaves the apartment. You both work quickly, taking a break and having tea together, you ask about how heâs holding up, and he dismisses your questions as best as he can, not really wishing to entertain the thoughts thatâll disturb him.
âAemond, do you want to bring your books too?â You ask him, groaning as you drop the heavy box on his bed, âbecause I doubt weâll have enough space to take all of these with us to Kingâs Landing.â
âJust those that are already tucked away!â He yells from the kitchen, finishing cooking for you, âWeâll finish it after dinner, câmon.â
âOkay,â you sigh tiredly, not really expecting the packing to drag on for so long. After all, he said he only needed a few clothes, not half of his wardrobe with his expensive watches and sunglasses.
âI think we have packed enough for at least ten spontaneous parties Aegon will be throwing this summer,â you mutter, sitting behind the island in the kitchen.
âI doubt heâd let an occasion like my birthday let go so easily now that Iâm back home,â Aemond shrugs, handing you a plate, âhe mostly ignores the occasion but Iâm sure he and Mum will do something, and make a huge deal out of it. Thatâs why I need to be prepared.â
âWell, itâs the first birthday in a while that Iâm attending too so it better be something good!â You tease him, thanking him for the delicious meal.
âIt will be, or at least Mumâs plans will be great. She has Daeron as her non-assigned assistant now that Iâm gone and they make quite the duo. They always host the best gatherings together.â
âAlicent is a perfectionist, of course, sheâll be the best person to throw a birthday party for you,â you agree with him, âbut you canât deny that Aegonâs parties are always better! Heâs reckless, and the drinks are the best.â
âOnly the best for the oldest Targaryen son, right?â He sighs again, looking down at his plate, âSorry, it slipped my tongue, I shouldnât have said it.â
âItâs okay,â you reach and rub his forearm, âyouâre dealing with lots of things now, I understand, we all do.â
âI hope I donât ruin your summer with us with my stupid sappy attitude,â Aemond jokes â or at least tries to.
âSappy or not, you are my best friendâs brother, and I watched you grow up! There is nothing you can do to make my time with you miserable,â you smile at him softly, finishing your plate before you both stand up to get ready and leave, âIâll take care of the dishes, you go close your suitcase and we take whateverâs left to your car.â
Time passes quickly and you find yourself getting inside Aemondâs car later than you expected. He makes sure everything is packed and safe both in the apartment and in the trunk before he gets inside the passenger seat â he canât drive at night because of his eyesight so youâll drive to Kingâs Landing. Itâs not a long ride fortunately; four hours by car and youâll be there in no time.
Aemond, despite trying to keep up with the conversation, falls asleep halfway through the road, and you let him take a nap before you arrive there and get bombarded by questions left and right.
When you pull in front of the entrance gates, Cole is already waiting for you, ready to take your bags out and park the car even though someone else could be doing it.
âHi, Cole,â Aemond greets him with a thick voice, rubbing his sleepy eye before he gives Criston a halfway hug, patting his back.
You shut down the engine, get out of the car, and greet Cole after you hand him the remote, following Aemond in the path leading to the entrance door with a few boxes in hand as you help him take a few of his belongings inside the house.
Alicent is already waiting in front of the door anxiously, slowly rubbing her throat and neck as she waits for Aemond to reach her before she brings him in a tight embrace, not minding the sharp points of the boxes digging in her sides â just having her son with her is enough to remedy all of her pain.
âMy darling,â she tears up a little, caressing his hair and kissing his cheek, âIâm so happy you decided to come home, I missed you so much.â âI missed you too, Mother,â he pulls back a little to put the boxes down and hug her completely, resting his head on top of hers as she wraps her arms around him.
Everyone is interrupted when a series of barks echo in the house, and in a second, a huge fluffy black Chow Chow jumps on Aemond, licking his face happily. Vhagar, oh, how he missed his old lady. He chuckles and scratches behind her ears, ignoring all the stares as he reunites with her.
âBabyyyyyyy!â Helaena squeals before she runs towards you to help you with Aemondâs things, kissing you and giving you a side hug, âThank you for agreeing to come! Iâm sure weâll have lots of fun together.â
âThank you for having me, lovey!â
âIâm so thankful you helped him, darling,â Alicent pulls away from the pair nearly lying on the floor while one of them is having his face licked, her hand caressing your back as she draws you in her arms as well, âThank you for bringing home, Iâm in debt to youââ
âOh, no, it was nothing!â You look at her before giving Aemond and Vhagar a cheeky smile, âIt was the least I could do, Iâm glad I could help.â
âCome, come! You must be tired, your rooms are ready. Cole will take your bags,â she says, leading the way with Aemond who has his free arm wrapped around Daeron, and Vhagar jumps next to his feet while you and Helaena follow them.
âAegon is asleep, you know him, he has big plans for this summer, especially now that Aemond can use some distraction,â she bumps her shoulder to yours, âmeaning weâll have the time of our lives!â
âYeah,â you smile at her before looking ahead of you, catching Aemond turning around to give you a quick smile, âWhat a summer itâll be.â
#aemond targaryen#ewan mitchell#house of the dragon#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen angst#aemond targaryen fluff#aemond targaryen fanfiction#aemond targaryen x you#modern aemond#modern aemond targaryen#đdreams#aemond x you#prince aemond targaryen#hotd fanfic
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'interview with a butch' - a fake interview reflecting on butch-femme dynamics! inspired by the amazing piece by @llovely, which you can read here :)
(ID below read more)
[an original, interview-style poem called 'interview with a butch':
when did you know you were butch? I knew by the time I was sixteen, but thatâs only when I found the word. Iâve been butch since the day I was born, at least since I was just a few months old and threw an earth-shattering tantrum whenever my mum tried to put me in a dress. (both laugh) your poor mum!
I remember being a little butch knight, chivalrous even before I was double digits. my best friend only lived up the road from school, but her parents were running late and she was scared to do it herself. so I walked her up the hill, her arm linked in mine, pride balancing on my chest. and when I got her to her door, I said that we should kiss like adults do when they say goodbye, and we took it in turns to kiss each other on each cheek. when I walked home I felt something the size of a boulder in my stomach, but I didnât know what it meant yet, just that there was something about myself that set me apart.
how did you feel with your first femme? oh, man, even for a writer thatâs hard to find the words for. (laugh) letâs put it this way: before I had my first femme, I always felt like something was missing in my relationships â not just in the relationship itself, but in me. I felt broken and wrong, unsatisfied and selfish. I thought that maybe I just had too high expectations or something. hell, even with sex I felt like something was missing, like I couldnât find my own desire.
But then, then I had my first femme. How graphic can I be here? (laugh) as graphic as you want! okay, good!
watching my stomach hang over my harness, long nails in my hips, I felt like I had a second sexual awakening. I felt the most present in my body Iâd ever been, and like I could be in them forever. I didnât feel dissatisfied, or wrong. when their hand held mine and played with my fingers I felt lightning shoot through me. it was like realising I was a lesbian all over again. but even outside of romance, femmes are my friends, my family, my community. talking to femmes, being around femmes, Iâve never felt so seen and loved. I can handle every sharp look, every slur thrown my way, just because my armour was polished by femmes.
do you find your roles restrictive? theyâre liberating. I think sometimes people see me and think that I had to fit into this constrictive box, that I disallowed myself to enjoy anything feminine. the reality is that for butches, we find the word weâve been searching for our whole lives. I canât even remember finding the word, isnât that crazy? it felt second nature. it somehow perfectly described everything Iâd ever felt, exposed me to a community of people who were just like me outside of my Tory town! (pause)
I think thereâs a tendency even in leftist, LGBT spaces to think that masculinity is oppressive, and femininity is liberating and oppressed. but itâs really not like that. weâre punished for deviating from our assigned gender, whether youâre a masculine woman, or a feminine man, or something in between the two. Iâve had gay men try to convince me to let them do my makeup, Iâve had gay women tell me that theyâre âso gladâ I donât have âtoxic masculinityâ like âother butchesâ. femininity was a cage for me, something I had to imitate to survive the perils of high school, but it was never me. masculinity liberated me, and itâs not inherently toxic. I love to carry the bags, hold open the doors, cry in pride, protect those I love. and thereâs nothing like coming home at the end of the day to a sweet femme, ready to rub my tired muscles. man, Iâm not good at concise answers, am I? (both laugh) no, but I love it!
what do you think of people who see your relationship as heteronormative? theyâre twats! (both laugh) now, thatâs a concise answer! no, no thatâs not fair. hereâs what Iâd say to them:
I see it asâŠa complex gender performance. no, that makes it sound like itâs play pretend. theyâre complex genderâŠexpressions, dynamics, play, desire, euphoria. a butch and a femme together is no more heterosexual than a bear and a twink, a top and a bottom. itâs a dance that we know in our bones, like we knew each other in a previous lifetime and weâre just falling back into our favoured rhythm. even every fumble and awkward gesture is a part of it. we fall into sync and into each other, we tenderise each otherâs gender, affirm it, and love every minute of it. weâre not two sides of the same coin, you talk to any butch-femme couple and chances are our priori (edit: interviewee meant propositions) are the same but our conclusions are not; weâre the same side of the same coin, just one is the top of the tail and the other is the bottom of it. is that a euphemism? (laugh) take it as you will!
Iâm no man, my femme is no woman, and Iâm no less butch when Iâm wearing a kiss-the-cook apron and cleaning their kitchen, and theyâre no less femme when theyâre putting together a shelf or driving me to work. To look at us and see a heteronormative imitation of cisgender predetermination is proof of their own lack of nuance â do you think all dogs are boys and all cats are girls, too? (both laugh)
I think in a lot of ways, butch-femme dynamics are inherently transsexual. or, in the very least, good friends of transgenderism. If you canât see us for what we are then chances are youâve got your own internalised gender biases to unlearn.
Iâve always been butch to my bones, but when Iâm with my baby Iâm on cloud nine. I feel desired, my gender revered and loved.
so, what youâre saying is, you feel seen? I do. we see each other and nurture each other. Iâve never really liked being called âbeautifulâ, but when it falls from the lips of a femme, I know that theyâre not seeing me as feminine. I feel most comfortable to explore the depths of both my femininity and masculinity with them; I donât feel restricted to a role.
maybe thatâs what people are missing about it: our homes are temples of gender exploration and devotion.
end ID].
#original poetry#my writing#writeblr#image described#poetry#poetblr#butch#butch4femme#writing#lesbian
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Ad Astra Per Aspera
Everything is still inconclusive
Alexia Putellas x teen!reader
pt. 4 masterlist
Warnings: this story contains depictions of alcoholism, adultery, and familial issues. read at your own discretion.
A/N: part 3 is here! i was flat out of ideas for a good week or so but iâm actually really happy with this chapter and how much i managed to write. i hope you enjoy đ«¶đŒ
Vicky invited you to her home to talk.
âJust around this corner,â she said, pointing to a street. She was sitting in the passenger seat of your car while your siblings sat in the backseat. Vicky still lived with her parents, as you expected, because she was still too young to buy a place of her own. It was a nice house, situated in a neighbourhood just a few minutes outside the city centre, and once you had parked your car, you hesitated for a moment.
âAre you sure your mum isnât going to mind? Itâs late, we can always talk tomorrow,â you spoke, looking at her for a moment. She shook her head, opening her door and responding as she unbuckled her seatbelt. âSheâs fine with it, donât worry. Letâs go inside.â
You unbuckled your own seatbelt and stepped out of the car, your siblings doing the same. Magdalene clutched your shirt gently while the other two boys walked behind you.
The front door of Vickyâs house had little stained glass details that you admired for the short moment that you stayed outside. The door swung open when Vicky knocked on it gently, and behind it was a woman that bore a striking resemblance to the girl beside you.
âMamĂĄ, this is (Y/N),â Vicky said, gesturing to you. You smiled shyly, and the woman returned it with a much wider smile. âBona nit! Please, come in, itâs freezing out there,â she replied, ushering you and your siblings inside. She was right, it was chilly outside, and the warmth of the LĂłpez household was nice.
âCan I get you anything?â she asked, looking over her shoulder as she directed you to the living room. You shook your head, but she insisted on making you a cup of tea, and the appeal of a warm beverage was too much to resist. After a few minutes, she brought two cups of tea out to the living room for you and Vicky, then placed them on the coffee table. âGraciĂ©s, Mrs. LĂłpez,â you spoke.
You sat down on the couch, the warm mug of tea in your hand as you faced the girl. âSo, what do you need to talk about?â Vicky asked, and you took a deep breath before telling her.
âSomething happened, Vicky. My neighbour heard some noises from my house and thought one of us was getting hurt, so she called the police andââ
You paused for a moment, pinching the bridge of your nose as prepared to tell the rest of the story. It was like reliving it all over again; the currents of fear that overwhelmed you, the unsettling atmosphere of the interrogation room, all of it.
âThey told me that theyâre going to place my siblings in a foster home unless I become their legal guardian â which I canât do in time â or find someone I know to foster them. They suggested my father butâŠâ you shrugged, hoping that Vicky would catch on, and by the understanding look on her face, she did.
âI donât know what to doâ who do I even ask?â
You didnât want to cry, but you knew it was inevitable. You had spent the day processing probably the worst news of your life, without shedding a tear. You deserved to cry. One tear quivered in your waterline before you blinked, and it was gone.
âWhy are they getting taken away?â she asked.
âSocial welfare thinks theyâre unsafe as long as theyâre under my mumâs care because sheâs got a drinking problem and my dad is out of the picture. Iâm not their legal guardian so I donât have much of a say. Canât really afford a lawyer yet either,â you explained.
Vicky paused for a moment, staring at the coffee table as she was deep in thought, and then she spoke.
â(Y/N), I know you two donât have the best relationship, but I think you should ask Alexia.â
You almost spat out your tea in her face, and it showed in your suddenly very wide eyes. Vicky was quick to place her mug down and raise her hands in defence.
âWait, wait! Before you say no, just remember that she is your captain,â she explained, justifying herself.
âDios mĂo, thatâs got to be the stupidest shit Iâve heard all week,â you mumbled, putting your head in your hands.
Vicky frowned, pushing you gently to grab your attention again. âI know she doesnât treat you very well, but she can help you.â
You tapped your nail against the mug, considering the option. You had a very strained relationship with Alexia, and honestly, you highly doubted that sheâd want to foster and risk compromising her career for something as stupid as a few kids that werenât even hers.
âI donât think so. She wonât have time,â was your final verdict. You didn't perceive Alexia as the type of person interested in motherhood⊠but, there was one thing.
All your siblings loved football just as much as you. It'd be easy for Alexia to relate to them, because they were like her; their eyes lit up at every beginning of a conversation relating to football, they were immersed in the world of FC Barcelona and always present for your matches and celebrations. They fought to wear their blaugrana jerseys to school and blaugrana scarves in the summer.
Your hand found itself fumbling with the charm bracelet on your other wrist, the initials âMâ, âDâ and âLâ dangling from the delicate chain. Alexia would've loved your siblings, because they were the Barça-loving, unconditionally supportive children that she imagined when she thought of having kids.
âDonât mention it to anyone, please.â Your voice was quiet, because Magdalene had fallen asleep beside you, curled up into a ball with her head resting on a cushion. The boys were just barely awake on the other side of the couch, closing their eyes for a quick moment before opening them again in an attempt to stay awake.
Vicky nodded, but that was it. Not many words were said afterwards, until her mother asked whether youâd like to stay the night. Too tired to disagree, you mumbled a little âpleaseâ, and she directed you to the guest bedroom.
The three of them slept on the bed that night. You made yourself a bed on the floor, out of cushions from the living room in which you put your Barça sweater over it as a makeshift pillowcase to ease the rough feeling of the original material on your cheek, and Vicky lent you a few spare blankets.
Magdalene wanted to try sleeping on the floor with you, but after a while you felt her leave your side and get into bed with her brothers.
She was little, they all were, but their presence was bigger than life itself, and laying there with Magda tucked in your arms reminded you of what it used to be like before. When you used to keep the abandoned shopping carts close so you could put all three of them inside at night and ride down the streets to the local restaurant, then youâd treat them to a big serving of their favourite foods and the night would end with you receiving three big hugs from the tiniest humans.
Life was simple before.
You called alcohol âbig drinkâ when you were young, because only big people could drink it. You didnât know why, but soon your Mami started getting upset more and more, after she had some big drink. It only took a few lash outs for you to get caught in the crossfire and vow to never become like Mami.
Youâve tried it a couple times here and there, and it tasted like shit. You couldnât understand your mother for choosing that bitter concoction over happiness but soon, you figured out that when all else failed for her, it was her happiness. Her kids were seen as secondary, if you were lucky.
A light suddenly illuminated the room, and thatâs when you realised your phone was buzzing. A number flashed across the screen, but you stayed idle, not reaching for it. You watched the contact disappear before a text appeared, and you read it through slightly squinted eyes still trying to adjust to the light.
+34 ### ### #####
â Weâve gotten a hold of your father and he has agreed to attend a meeting at 9 a.m. Please call or text back immediately if youâre available.
You shouldâve responded. Instead, you stared at the message until the screen went black again, and even then you kept staring in the same direction until there was nothing. The next time you opened them, it was morning, and you were facing the bottom of the bed.
Magda, Dani, and Enzo were still asleep. Peering just above the mattress, you could see them piled on top of each other as they slept.
The âbedâ you made on the floor felt more comfortable than ever, making you reluctant to move. With a tap on the screen, your phone lit up and revealed the time to be just past 8:30.
Your hand flopped back down and you stared at the ceiling. Everything was perfect for a couple seconds, as you forgot about the need for the day to proceed and only recognised the serenity of being in that room right now, with the people you loved most.
Everything was perfect.
âWeâll wait five more minutes and if she isnât here by then, youâre free to leave, señor.â
The man only gave a small nod in reply, otherwise his attention was almost entirely fixed on the little sliver of blue sky that was visible from the tiny window.
Five minutes flew by. The talks of getting ready to leave started up, but they were short lived when everyone was stunned back into their seats by the door suddenly swinging open. It clicked shut as a chair scraped across the floor.
âSorry, traffic was bad,â you mumbled, folding your arms across your chest.
âHow nice of you to join us, Miss (Y/L/N),â the social worker said, and it sounded like she was feigning politeness. You acknowledged her words with a quiet hum.
âSeñor, since you are the only other legal guardian of Magdalene, Dani, and Lorenzo, weâve sought you out as a possible option for a full time caregiver of the children,â she spoke, clasping her hands together and placing them on the table.
Your father pursed his lips, nodding along with her words, âI see.â
âI still donât think this is a good idea, and Iâm saying this before you waste more of our time,â you interrupted, pointedly refusing to even look at him.
âWhy not? Iâm their father, (Y/N), and Iâm also yours, soââ
âYou didnât want them then, so I doubt youâd want them now. Donât say youâll take care of them to make yourself look good and then mistreat them because theyâre not on par with your other kids,â you hissed, finally meeting his gaze with a stone cold glare.
The social worker across the table didnât intervene, though she initially jolted forwards with the intention. She settled back into her chair and observed, looking to discover the true nature of your adamance to not let your father take your siblings.
Regret flashed across his face, and it was obvious; you noticed it in the downwards twitch of his lips and the shameful lowering of his gaze as you spoke.
âTheyâre still my children. Itâs my job as their father to look after them,â he responded.
âSo where were you all these years, when MamĂĄ was drinking her body weight in alcohol? You left us! You are not their father and you havenât been ever since you left us.â Your fist hit the table, the noise echoing through the room. The grimace on your face was only the surface level of the disgust you felt in that very moment.
ââMy job as their fatherâŠâ my fucking ass. I was more of a father to them than you, at 16 years old! I did your job better than you before I was even 18, and you have the nerve to come here and say that theyâre still your children?â
His head was hung in shame as you chided him, and he still had nothing to say.
âI knew this was a bad idea, I knew it,â you almost yelled, jumping up from your chair. It skidded along the ground with a screech, and your fingers pressed at your temples.
You hated him so much, but standing there and yelling at him made you realise how much you missed him while he was still your father, before the cheating and abandonment. âYou ruined MamĂĄâs life by putting your own needs before us, and I hope youâre proud. Have as many new kids with your new wife as you want, but you only destroy everything you touch.â
You hoped your words reflected the years of pain and torment he had inflicted on your family. You lost not one but two parents, because your mother loved him so much and he only took advantage of it while it benefited him before he decided it wasnât enough.
There wasnât a single word or phrase that could convey the inexplicable feelings you felt just then. Heâd have to search for it in the flushed apples of your cheeks, your glossy bloodshot scleras, and tightly furled fists tensed up at your sides.
â(Y/N), mi caritaâŠâ he started, standing up. You took a big step back, your hand finding the door knob with a steady grip.
âJust leave and donât come back. I donât want to see you ever again, never ever!â
With those words, you were 13 again, standing behind the corner and listening to your mum say the exact same thing to your dad.
Back then, when you two argued, you couldnât hold his gaze without crying, but now you were. He was nothing in your eyes if not the smallest man whoâs ever lived. You made sure to give him your most withering glare so he knew that there was no point.
In his eyes, you were probably the furthest you had ever been from his daughter. The loving and energetic girl he watched grow up, was now eye-to-eye with him in a police station, refusing to allow him any entry into his kidsâ lives.
âDonât give them false hope,â you sneered, wrenching the door open before deliberately slamming it behind you.
Maybe, just maybe, Alexia wasnât such a bad idea. Yes, she was passionate about football and didnât take it very well when people didnât display the same amount of passion for the sport as she did, but that only meant that when she loved something, she loved it hard and with all her being. She could love your siblings. She could love them more than anyone, even their own blood.
You sought to get out of the police station and away from it as a whole, so as you stormed out of the building and sunk into the driverâs seat of your car, you had no specific place in mind.
You ended up at the Barceloneta beach. There werenât many other places you could think to go to; the pitch was out of the question, because wherever there was a ball and a goal, there was Alexia. Your house was a huge memorabilia museum for the past, and you couldnât show up to Vickyâs house out of the blue.
The beach was pretty, and you always loved going there. Nothing could spoil that for you.
Just the horizon and ebbing tide for company while you watched the sun slowly descend â it was what you needed.
Your phone buzzed in your pocket. Part of you didnât want to pull it out in case it turned out to be someone you didnât like wasting your time, but you pulled it out anyways. Thankfully, it was only Vicky.
She sent you a photo from earlier that morning, and it featured all three of your siblings fast asleep on the guest bed while you slept on the floor in your comfy cluster of blankets. She followed the photo up with two laughing faces, and then two more messages.
Vicky
â đ€Łđ€Ł
â â â â â âł Hermanos y hermanas
â â â â â â â â â â âł Come sleep over again (Y/N)!!! My MamĂĄ found the Uno cards đ
You smiled at the photo and saved it to your camera roll before you considered Vickyâs request. You took a moment, but eventually you responded.
(Y/N)
â vale vale đ„Č iâm picking la hermanos y hermana right now and then iâll come straight to your house. graciĂ©s vicky â€ïž
You watched the sun set further during the drive to the schools, and then again while you drove to Vickyâs. This time, you parked in the driveway, and you didnât feel dreadful entering her house.
You rang the doorbell and the four of you waited patiently. Mrs. LĂłpez was quick to rush to the door and open it.
âHi, I hope weâre not bothering yââ you started, but you were cut off.
â(Y/N), mĂo querido! Come in, come in, youâre not a bother at all. Youâre always welcome in our home,â she said, embracing you tightly with a warm smile.
Vicky appeared from the living room, shuffling a deck of cards in her hands. âWho wants to play Uno?â she asked, waving the cards in her hand and immediately receiving a positive reaction from your siblings, who bolted towards her eagerly.
You followed them, because though you knew they were getting taken to their foster home tomorrow and being stripped away from you, you wanted to enjoy the night and play Uno with your siblings.
Nothingâs for sure but right now. You couldnât waste this moment.
#ad astra per aspera#fc barcelona femeni#fcb femenĂ#woso#woso community#fcb femenĂ x reader#fcbfemeni#woso angst#woso imagines#woso x reader#woso fanfics#alexia putellas#alexia putellas x reader#alexia x reader#fcb femeni#fc barcelona x reader
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please stop describing ERP as a "gold standard treatment" i am going to cry
#i am so so so sick of reading articles like âwhy won't your ocd get better? it's bc you're not engaging with ERP or doing your homeworkâ#why is everything apparently always my fault?#i can see how ERP works with a fear of flying or something#i basically did ERP on myself before with that#i basically instinctively used CBT on myself to stop my endless compulsions as a teenager#i still have them but i improved so much#but this form of ocd is NOTHING like that#you cannot use CBT on a fear of something intangible#ERP is making you do something you fear will send you to hell forever#if someone believes that genuinely there's no way they're taking that risk#and for BDD???#bdd is not just about anxiety it's about shame#ERP will not fix that#it's too late i can't undo anything#it's my own bad choices which made the BDD worse but there's nothing i can do now#please stop blaming me for seeing things as they are :'(#i'm stupid but not that stupid#you know when someone has really severe terminal cancer#you don't keep forcing them into treatment that won't work#you let them die#why can't it be that way for psychological pain?#i would like to have lived#but not as me#the ocd/bdd is no one's fault apart from maybe my own#but i didn't consent to being born#i didn't ask to have messed up genetics that make me this way#if it's my own fault bc âfree willâ i didn't consent to free will either#i just want to die without hurting anyone#i just wish i would die naturally so i don't have to face the guilt of hurting my mum#i love her so much </3
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LOSING MY RELIGION
WIFE!READER X HUSBAND!SIMON
SYNOPSIS: After his comrades death, Simon comes home and remembers what he has to lose. His family.
WARNINGS: Heavy angst :(, Spoiler!!
Your husband was coming home. Forget the stress of school rushes and sorting out the girlsâ packed lunch. Forget the stress of ringing up your mum to look after the girls for a day (or two) Forget all of that for your husband was finally coming home.
With his favourite dish cooking in the oven, you wondered what wad taking him so long. Maybe somethingâs holding him up at the base? Maybe-
Knock, Knock!
You walk- no!- practically run to the door, excited to see your Simon. But once you open the door, and hug him and kiss him like you always do, a cold feeling runs down your spine. He didnât hug you back nor kiss you back.
âSimon..?â You asked quietly. Your husbandâs face was completely still, looking anywhere but your eyes. âBabe? Whatâs wrong?â
In your years of marriage and dating, youâve seen Simon cry three times (when you gave birth to your three girls). But never have you seen him just cry and sob, until now.
He grips you tight and sobs into your neck, âBabe? Tell me whatâs wrong!â You feel tears sting your eyes too.
âHeâs dead, Y/NâŠ.JohnnyâsâŠâ He choked on his own words but you got the message. Johnny, the Godfather to your youngest child, was dead. Memories come flooding back of the moments you spent with him and Simon. The pub nights, the wedding, the Christmas parties.
Thoughts of Johnnyâs partner also came to mind, how would they deal with this? Do they know?
Once Simon calmed down, and you gave him a cup of tea, he explained everything to you.
âMe, Price and KyleâŠwe had to err tell her the news this morning. Thatâs why I was late. AndâŠShe was pregnant and none of us knewâŠâ You wiped a stray tear from his eyes as you listened to him. âShe didnât cry. Didnât even sob. I think it was shock she was just so still. I wondered if she heard Price when he said that Johnny is dead. It was fucking awful.â
He continues, âI guess, seeing her pregnant reminded me of when you were pregnantâŠAnd how youâd struggle when I went on deployment and stuffâŠMade me think about what would happen if I didnât come back. LikeâŠItâs fuckin jarringâŠâ
You kiss his shoulder as he speaks. After a while, he stops speaking and settles in silence with you. Nothing but the sounds of both your hearts beating filled the room.
He needed this, his wife, his kids, his house. Not once has he ever thought of quitting his job, until now. Simon knew youâd be a wreck if he passed away, and his girls would be a mess too.
In his mind, it was settled. Heâd quit. For you.
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His Girls
Simon had to go into work throughout the craziness of the Riley household he lost his plastic skull mask. Only to find his youngest chewing on it.
Warnings: PURE fluff, seriously dad!simon, swearing
A/N: I am OBESSESSED with dad!Simon and to FEED my addiction @ave661 just keep coming in clutch! Go subscribe their pateron! Just a small drabble for you all â€ïž
simon x reader guide
simon x reader family edition
Simon was running around throwing on small amount of gear, only going to the base. He put his mask on and realized he missed placed his skull that was suppose to be with it. âDaddy,â His five year old cried. âI donât wanna have you go.â She held his leg.
âDaddy has to,â You said as your pre teen followed you. She was rambling on how she wanted to go to the mall with her friends but couldnât. âMillie enough.â You said behind you to his oldest.
âDad.â Millie looked at him and he shook his head.
âDo what ya mum says.â He looked down at Allison and kneeled down. Millie scoffed and walked off. âIâm not gonna be long promise. We will go get ice cream.â
Allison pouted. âOkay.â She walked out before Simon turned to you.
âI canât find my fucking mask,â He cursed ripping through everything. âI had it âere now itâs gone.â
You nodded. âHave you checked between the drawers?â
Simon nodded walking out. âDad! I promised Jackie that I would be there, now what do I do?â
Simon loved his kids he did but damn he didnât expect having all girls would make his head spin. You even joked about how soon Millie will start her womanhood and then they were fucked. Simon jogged down the stairs looking in the kitchen. âMillie, your mum said no, you think Iâm going to say yes after? Ya know not to make promises that you donât know if you gonna keep.â He explained not looking at her.
Millie groaned. âListen though everyone goes out with their friends to the malls at this time. Not later. Plus they all canât go.â
Simon snapped his head up looking on the counter. âI thought it was just Jackie.â You said having his baby youngest in your arms. She was wrapped in her blanket as she set her down in the living room that we connected to the kitchen.
Tessa giggled as she looked up at the tv. Playing with something in her hands. Simon sighed irritated, time was running short, he was running behind, and his patience running thin. Millie and you were arguing back and forth, as Allison came running down the stairs to watch tv. Simon inhaled deeply looking around again. âYour father agrees with me. I am done talking about this. You are not going, we have to be at Nanaâs today.â You said putting your foot down.
Simon looked up and waited for Millie to respond. She just rolled her eyes and stomped off, you pressed fingers against your temples. âAlright Simon I am going to look in Allisonâs room maybe she was playing with it.â
Simon nodded as he kept looking through and stood for a moment thinking where it could be. Trying to think where the fuck he put it. Nerves were high. He was getting anxious of being late. His thought started to swirl making his anger higher. Until he heard a small giggle.
Simon looked down to see Tessa on her back gnawing on something. Larger than her for sure. His eyes softened when they made eye contact, the blanket moving over to the side to see his mask. He inhaled with relief as he knelt down. âYou bugger.â He whispered ripping his balaclava off.
Tessa giggled, he always loves the sound of his girls laughing giggling. It made him miss and think of Millie when she was this young. Innocent. Naive. Hell Tessa even had the same outfit that Millie wore. When both of you kept having kids and they were girls, he couldnât or wouldnât let you get rid of this outfit. It was his favorite.
Simon sat Tessa up and turned her towards him. She stopped chewing on it but held onto it. Her way of rebelling of him leaving for the day. Simon chuckled and grabbed the top of it. âDaddy will be back sweet girl.â
Tessa just had her large brown eyes set on him. Simon looked at the features, seeing Tommy and his mom in them. Making him think of his nephew Joseph and how Millie and him could have been close. How you could have a friend with Tommyâs wife. He often thought about it when looking at his girls. Millie definitely was a slit image of you though, personality to features.
Allison would just attach whenever she wanted to, independent like him. Tessa though was definitely daddyâs girl, anytime he would walk into a room she would know. Hell when you were pregnant with her she would move when hearing his voice. When he forgot to take the mask off she giggled and reach for it. Anytime he came home she was thrilled, screeching and giving sign to pick her up.
Tessa giggled as she reached for his thumb grabbing it. These moments he loved, the small gestures. The smiles. Giggles. It made him have that stir inside, the one that wants him to have another baby. His girls were his angels, so why not have more? More of these innocent kids that he made. His pride and joys. He didnât want to go, he rather be here, with his girls. Go get ice cream now. Simon sighed as he looked up the stairs to make sure Millie wasnât standing there so he could go say a proper goodbye for the day.
Allison came next to Simon as she hugged his thigh and looked at Tessa. âDaddy said we can get ice cream Tess! Sooner he leaves the sooner we get ice cream!â
Simon smiled down at her, he thought how smart she was becoming. Her sentences making more sense. Allison was like him, truly. Short tempered. Emotional ball. At the same time though she was thick skinned, she could take a hit until she canât take it. She was caring, always sharing even if she didnât want to. Would try to make everything more lighter when things got tense. At 5 years old.
âExactly,â He felt his plastic mask loosen up and he softly took it away. âI love you baby girls.â He said kissing both of their foreheads. âIâm gonna say bye to ya sister, watch Tess yeah?â
âYes sir daddy!â Allison chimed as she started to gather Tessâs attention.
He looked down at the stairs watching Tessa giggle and squeal at her sister. Simon walked towards Millieâs room, hearing her soft rock play behind the door. He knocked softly as he heard the music turn down. âWho is it?â She said snarky.
âDad.â He said softly, he heard the knob unlock, having him note of that being a potential problem. She walked to her desk, sitting in her chair looking away from him. âI just wanted to say goodbye.â
âBye.â
Like him, distant once he was angry. âHave fun at Nanaâs.â He softly said walking to her to place a kiss on her head.
âLove you.â She mumbled looking over at him.
âLove ya too dovie. Iâll see ya after work.â
She nodded to his comment as he walked out to face you. You sighed smirking. âOf course daddy comes to save the day.â
Simon smirked as he walked up to you placing his hands on your hips. âSheâll come âround,â He whispers kissing your neck. âWant baby 4?â
You pushed him off, giggling. Your stomach swirling with excitement. âOh no Tessa have you the swirl,â He kissed your neck again, mumbling a yes. âOh stop it, youâre gonna be late. Get going.â You giggled pushing him gently off before kissing his cheek.
When you turned he slapped your ass. His favorite thing to look, touch, grab. You scoffed, shaking your head while chuckling. Heading down the stairs to the other two girls. Simon smiled as you watched the two play, his girls. His angels. And the thing wasâŠHe would never change a thing.
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