#and theres still time but is there? is there really?
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F1 driver!Rafe x Reader! As someone that loves watching F1, I'm so happy you're doing this, and damn fans can be vicious sometimes so it gave me an idea. Maybe Reader is getting hate online, with jelaousy comments, saying that ''she's not pretty enough, she's so basic looking, I don't understand what he sees in her, I guess anyone has a chance with Rafe,''. And gradually the words get to her, making her really self concious when she's around him in public, girls near him that are (in her opinion) prettier and eventuallys she tries to break up with him, but he does not let her (not in a toxic way, more so because he loves her and isn't going to let anyone come between them)
Public eye || F1 driver!Rafe Cameron x fem!reader
A/n: So sorry this took awhile!!!!!! But thank you for the request it was sm fun to write :)
Warnings: angst, mental health struggles, bullying and online harassment, if theres anything else lmk!
Word count: 2, 946
MASTERLIST (F1 driver!Rafe x fem!reader au masterlist)
Your fingers hovered hesitantly over the comment section of the video, your heart beating just a little faster as you stared at the screen. The clip, a simple moment of you and Rafe walking into the paddock, was already gathering attention. He was beside you, his hand casually draped over your shoulder as you both made your way through the crowd, looking every bit like a power couple.
You could still hear the soft hiss of the shower jets from the bathroom, Rafe taking his time to wash off the stress of the race. You should have been doing something productive, but the pull of curiosity was too strong. Lately, your presence on social media had been growing—both the praise and the hate.
You’d never been one to look at the comments, always avoiding the spotlight, but today… something felt different. You clicked on the comment section, your thumb hovering nervously over the screen as you scrolled down. The first few comments were harmless, even flattering. “You two are perfect together,” one said. “Her smile is contagious,” said another.
Your lips curved into a faint smile as you read through them, the warmth of their compliments offering a brief comfort. For a moment, you forgot about the nagging feeling building in your chest. But then the tone shifted. You could feel your stomach tighten as the first negative comment appeared. “She looks so out of place with him,” one user wrote, followed by another comment: “She doesn’t belong in paddock.”
Your fingers trembled slightly, but you tried to push the discomfort aside. It was just one comment. You kept scrolling. More criticisms followed. Someone commented on your outfit: “Why does she dress like that? She looks like she’s trying too hard.” Another user posted, “She looks so stiff next to him. Does she even smile?” A sharp sting pierced your chest, and you tried to shake it off, but it wasn’t easy.
You’d spent so much time trying to dress right, trying to look the part, but now it felt like none of it mattered. “Her resting face is so rude,” one person said. Another added, “She looks miserable. Why does she always look so cold around Rafe?” You couldn’t help but feel your stomach drop. You knew you had a more serious expression, but it hurt to see it picked apart like this, as if your face wasn’t enough.
You quickly scrolled past more hurtful comments, but the damage had already been done. The video, which had once seemed like a simple moment between you and Rafe, now felt like an invasion of your privacy, like everyone was judging you. You glanced back at the bathroom door, where the sound of Rafe still hummed softly from the shower, completely unaware of the thoughts swirling in your head.
Your hands tightened around your phone, and you felt the familiar weight of insecurities settling in. You weren’t sure why this time felt worse than before. Maybe it was the fact that you were constantly being compared to Rafe’s world now, his fame, his fans, his life in the spotlight. It felt suffocating at times, and the negativity from strangers only made it worse.
You took a shaky breath, trying to pull yourself together. This wasn’t about you. It was about Rafe, and his world. You tried to convince yourself that you didn’t need their validation, but the ache in your chest remained. Before you could sink any deeper into the spiral of your thoughts, the bathroom door creaked open, and Rafe’s voice, still heavy with the sound of water dripping, called out to you.
“Hey, everything alright?” Rafe’s voice was soft as he stepped into the room, the steam from his shower trailing behind him. His towel hung low on his hips, droplets of water still clinging to his skin. His brows furrowed slightly when his eyes landed on you, the tension in your posture giving you away. You swallowed hard, quickly flipping your phone face-down on the bed as you forced a small, unconvincing smile.
“Yeah, just… tired. It’s been a long day.” Rafe didn’t seem entirely convinced. His gaze lingered on you for a moment longer, his lips pressing into a thin line as if he were debating whether to push further. Instead, he let it slide, disappearing into the closet to grab a pair of boxers. When he returned, his tone was casual, though there was an edge of curiosity in his voice.
“Did you want to walk in with me tomorrow?” he asked, tossing the towel into the hamper before slipping on boxers. He moved with practiced ease, his body language as relaxed as ever. It was a question you’d heard countless times before, something routine between the two of you, but tonight, it felt heavier. Different. You nibbled on your bottom lip, his question tugging you back to the comments you’d just read.
She looks out of place next to him… She doesn’t belong there. The words replayed in your head like a taunting echo. You hesitated before replying, your voice quieter than usual. Your fingers toyed with the edge of the duvet as you hesitated. “Uh, I think I’ll come a bit after,” you said finally, trying to sound casual, though the slight tremor in your voice betrayed you. Rafe paused for a moment, his head tilting slightly as he considered your answer.
His brows furrowed just enough to show that he noticed the shift in your tone, but he didn’t push. Instead, he hummed in acknowledgment, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before he climbed into bed. Once settled, he turned his attention back to you, his head propped on his hand as he studied your face. “You sure you’re okay?” he asked again, his voice softer now, laced with genuine concern.
You nodded quickly, your smile brighter this time, though it still didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Yeah. I promise, I’m fine,” you said, hoping the words sounded convincing. But even as you said them, your mind was still swirling with doubt, the insecurities clawing at the edges of your composure. Rafe didn’t seem entirely convinced, but he let it slide for now. Instead, he reached out and tugged you gently toward him, his arms wrapping around your body in a warm, familiar embrace.
His lips brushed softly against your temple before trailing down to your shoulder. “I love you,” he murmured, his voice low and steady, like an anchor. A shaky breath escaped your lips as you nestled into his chest, the comfort of his presence momentarily dulling the ache in your heart. “I love you too,” you whispered back, your voice almost trembling.
~
Walking into the paddock alongside Rafe’s PR manager, Mia, you couldn’t shake the weight of countless eyes on you. It felt suffocating, as though everyone’s gaze was dissecting your every move, every expression. The hum of chatter and camera shutters blended into an almost deafening background noise, and you couldn’t help but wonder what they were saying—or thinking.
Were they silently judging you? Waiting for you to stumble, to make some minor misstep they could pounce on? The thought sent a sharp pang of anxiety through your chest. It wasn’t just paranoia; you’d seen how quickly narratives could form online, how a single bad photo could spiral into accusations and labels. If you weren’t smiling enough, they’d say you were cold, ungrateful. If you stood too close to Rafe, they’d call you clingy. Too far, and you’d seem distant, uninterested.
Your grip on your paddock pass tightened, glancing briefly at Mia, who was confidently walking ahead, her phone in hand, seemingly oblivious to the tension building inside you. She had a way of carrying herself that made it seem like none of this affected her—like the noise bounced off her shield of professionalism. You envied her for that. The click of a camera somewhere to your left made your heart skip a beat.
You didn’t dare look, afraid of what expression might’ve been caught. You straightened your posture instead, forcing a faint smile that felt unnatural, plastered on for the sake of appearances. The effort felt exhausting, but it was what you’d learned to do in this world—pretend you didn’t notice, pretend it didn’t hurt. As you walked, you could feel whispers trailing in your wake, the murmurs mingling with the mechanical hum of the paddock.
Were they talking about your outfit? Your hair? The fact that you weren't walking in with Rafe? It was a never-ending game of scrutiny, and you felt like a chess piece on a board you barely understood. "Hey, are you good?" Mia's voice pulled you out of your spiraling thoughts. Her tone was light, accompanied by a small chuckle as she caught the distant look in your eyes.
You blinked rapidly, turning to her with a startled expression. “Sorry, what?” you asked, your voice slightly shaky. She chuckled again, tilting her head curiously. “Are you okay? You seem nervous,” she repeated, her eyes scanning your face as the two of you approached the Ferrari area. “Yeah! Yeah—I’m fine, just jet lagged,” you replied quickly, your tone a little too chipper to be convincing. You added a casual shrug for good measure, hoping it would sell the lie.
Mia’s gaze lingered for a moment, but she slowly nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Alright, if you say so. I’ve got to go organise Rafe for his interview. Will you be okay by yourself? I think Austin’s around here somewhere,” she said, glancing around the bustling paddock. “Yeah, of course, go ahead. I’ll look for him,” you assured her with a polite smile.
She nodded, giving you a quick wave before disappearing into the chaos, leaving you alone amidst the buzz of mechanics, media personnel, and fans. You continued walking, your eyes darting around in search of a familiar face. The usual hum of the paddock felt louder now, almost oppressive, as you noticed more phones and cameras turning in your direction. A knot tightened in your stomach.
Normally, you could brush it off, but today the weight of their stares was unbearable. Biting your bottom lip nervously, you quickened your pace, practically darting into the safety of the Ferrari garage. The moment you stepped inside, a voice called out to you, making you pause. “Y/n!” Relief flooded your chest as you spotted Austin waving you over from the balcony of the hospitality area.
“Hey!” you greeted him warmly, embracing him in a quick hug. “Rafe should be done with his interview pretty soon,” Austin said, glancing at his watch. You hummed in response, setting your things down on the table before joining him at the railing. The two of you leaned against it, looking down at the sea of people navigating the paddock below. “Yeah, Rafe and I were planning to head back to OBX for a week after—”
Your words trailed off as your eyes froze on a group of girls huddled together, their phones unmistakably aimed in your direction. Their whispering and laughter sent a chill through you, making your shoulders stiffen visibly. Noticing your silence, Austin followed your gaze. His brows furrowed in concern. “You okay?” he asked, his voice soft but probing.
You swallowed hard, tearing your eyes away from the girls. “I-uh—I’ll just sit down for a bit,” you muttered, moving back toward the table. Austin watched you carefully, his confusion evident. “Do you know them?” You shook your head, avoiding his gaze. After a moment, he sighed, his tone shifting to something more knowing. “Have you been reading comments again?”
The question made your head snap up, your eyes meeting his. You didn’t respond, but your silence was enough. “Y/n,” he said gently, pulling out a chair across from you and sitting down. “You know those are just jealous people who wish they were in your position, right?” “I know,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “But they still hurt, Austin.”
“I know they do,” he admitted, leaning forward. “But think about it—what they’re saying about you… Is any of it true?” You bit your lip, your gaze dropping to your phone as you hesitated. “They’re not,” Austin continued firmly. “Because they don’t even know you. But we do. Rafe does. Don’t let them get to you. They’re just miserable people trying to make someone else miserable too.”
His words sunk in, easing some of the tightness in your chest. A small smile crept onto your lips, the warmth of his reassurance breaking through the cloud of doubt. “Thanks, Austin. I really appreciate it,” you said, your voice softer now but filled with genuine gratitude. He grinned back, leaning back in his chair with an air of casual confidence.
“Anytime. Now, let’s get you smiling again before Rafe gets back, or he’ll never let me hear the end of it.” You chuckled lightly, feeling just a little lighter as the weight of those comments began to fade, replaced by the comfort of a friend who truly understood.
~
The jets in the bathroom continued to hum, the sound blending into the background as you stared at your phone screen, your chest tightening with every cruel word you read. The image of you and Rafe walking into the paddock, so innocuous and routine, had somehow become the catalyst for a torrent of negativity.
Your throat constricted, and you bit down hard on your bottom lip, trying to keep the tears at bay. But it was too much. The weight of their words pressed on you, an avalanche of insecurities crashing down. You dropped your phone onto the bed as though it had burned you, standing there frozen for a moment, your hands trembling.
The bathroom door creaked open, and Rafe stepped out, a towel slung low on his hips, droplets of water clinging to his skin. His carefree, post-shower demeanour faltered the moment his eyes landed on you. “Hey,” he said cautiously, stepping closer. “What’s wrong?” You shook your head, quickly wiping at your cheeks, but the tears had already betrayed you. “Nothing, I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie to me.” His tone was firmer now, his blue eyes scanning your face for answers. He glanced at your phone lying facedown on the bed, and his expression hardened as he pieced it together. “Did you read the comments again?” The lump in your throat grew, and you couldn’t speak, your silence confirming his suspicion.
Rafe let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his damp hair. “Y/n, why do you let them get to you? They’re just a bunch of—” “It’s not just them, Rafe!” you snapped, cutting him off. The words spilled out before you could stop them, sharp and heavy. “This is my life now—being constantly judged, criticised, compared. It’s exhausting. I can’t do this anymore.”
His brows furrowed in confusion and alarm. “What are you saying?” “I’m saying I can’t be with you anymore,” you said, your voice breaking as the words left your lips. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Rafe’s face fell, his confident façade cracking in an instant. “What? No. No, that’s not happening.” “Rafe—”
“No!” He stepped closer, his voice low but desperate. “You’re not doing this because of a bunch of idiots online who don’t know anything about us.” “It’s not just them!” you cried, the dam of emotions finally breaking. “It’s everything! The constant attention, the pressure, the way people look at me like I’m not good enough for you. And maybe they’re right! Maybe I’m not!”
“Don’t you dare say that,” he interrupted, his voice rough with emotion. He reached for your hands, holding them tightly even as you tried to pull away. “You are good enough. You’re more than good enough, Y/n.” “I can’t keep living like this, Rafe,” you whispered, tears streaming down your face. “I feel like I’m losing myself.
Rafe’s grip on your hands tightened as if letting go would make your words true. “I don’t care what they say. None of it matters to me. You matter. You’re the only thing that matters.” Your lips trembled as you looked into his eyes, the sincerity there almost too much to bear. “But what if I can’t handle it?” “Then I’ll help you handle it,” he said firmly, his voice softening as he pulled you closer.
“You’re not doing this alone. I love you, Y/n. I don’t care what those people think. They mean nothing to me—nothing.” You let out a shaky breath as his words washed over you, your resolve weakening under the weight of his conviction. Rafe cupped your face gently, his thumbs wiping away your tears. “Please don’t do this,” he whispered, his voice breaking slightly. “We’ll get through it together. I promise.”
For a long moment, you just stood there, your forehead resting against his as you tried to steady your breathing. The pain was still there, raw and jagged, but so was the love in his voice, in his touch. “I don’t know if I can be enough,” you whispered. “You already are,” he replied without hesitation. “You’ve always been enough for me.” And somehow, in his arms, the weight of the world felt just a little lighter.
#f1 driver!rafe cameron x fem!reader#f1 driver rafe cameron#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#fanfiction#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x you#drew starkey x y/n#drew starkey#outer banks#drew starkey x reader#obx fanfiction#f1 rafe cameron au#f1 driver au#f1 x reader#rafe cameron au#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron obx#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x kook!reader#rafe cameron x fem!reader#outerbanks rafe#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe obx#obx rafe cameron
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I was writing tags but I think it deserves main post.
Something I know multiple people to do is get a pet so that you have a life relying on you. You cant do it today because who will feed the cat tomorrow?
And as a bonus, looking after an animal really helps you have compassion and look after yourself. Ive experienced this personally*.
Animals, especially cuddly ones are also super therapeutic. Just holding or touching a warm living creature is really powerful, especially but not exclusively if youre lonely or touch starved. Its comforting. You feel less alone. Theyre affectionate towards you, and that makes you think there must be something about you worth loving because theres a cat climbing on you and purring. It doesnt know about human troubles and self esteem and reputation and work. It knows you are person. You feed it. It sees you every day. It loves you. Youre lovable. Youre worthy of love. This weird creature says so.
This isnt necessarily the right advice for everyone so do think about it; eg dont get a dog if you cant consistently leave the house to walk them. Cats do better indoors, and they need more than just food water and litter change. Brushing, love, play, vet visits etc. I dont know anout keeping fish but that might be easier. You could also try a plant. Its surprising how effecting it is to have a living being with you, even if its just a tiny succulent in a pot that doesnt ever move. Its still alive and thats powerful. If youre keeping it alive thats also an incredible feeling. One time when I was living alone and isolating myself, a friend left me a little succulent at the door when I said I wasnt up for actually interacting. And it made a really significant difference which was so surprising to me, its so small! But its *alive*.
*I once had a psych ask if Id ever had a pet, I said no, he said ok so try imagine. The same way you love a pet unconditionally no matter what it does, try feel that way about yourself. I did not viscerally understand what he meant till I got a cat, who could be a mischievous stinky slippery little shit, and I loved him with all my heart no matter how upset I also was at him. This wasnt something I had experienced before.
Another time Id moved somewhere new and I was talking to my cat about how it must be scary for him, in a new place with new sights and sounds and smells. And then I realised, hey, *Im* in a new place with new sights and sounds AND smells, and its ok if I feel a bit wobbly about it. We can be a bit wobbly and comfort each other together.
Seriously, having a Little Guy follow you around and love you is the best. Pet ownership is one of my best life decisions.
So there is a lot of bad stuff going on right now, and I'm sure there are lots of people feeling hopeless and thinking of suicide. Well, I've been suicidal for 21 years and I have a few practical pieces of advice for surviving that I rarely see in other places but I think have done more to keep me off the ledge than almost anything.
1. Don't feel guilty for wanting to kill yourself. Life can be extremely painful, and you are not weak, a coward, or irrational for considering the obvious way to alleviate that pain. Guilt on top of the rest of your pain will not help, and you are not a bad person. You are going to have to tell yourself this a lot.
2. If you think you might do it, find an excuse to live. This is different from a reason to live in that it is short term and shallow. For years my excuse was that I still had enough money to buy a pizza and I'd be damned if I didn't get my last pizza before I died, and if i still wanted to kill myself after the pizza then I had lost nothing. I swear this kept me alive through some of the hardest years of my life.
3. If you have an online friend you can trust, ask if they would be willing to do check in duty occasionally on your worst nights. It's very simple, on bad days where hurting yourself is a real possibility, ask your friend if they can send you a message at regular intervals, say 15 or 20 minutes, confirming that you are safe. It can be as simple as "check?", with you responding "I'm ok". Being immediately held accountable makes not doing it so much easier. I asked a friend to help me like this about two weeks ago to deal with a really bad self harm day and the difference between trying to do it on your own and simple check ins is astounding. It hurts so much less.
4. You die with nothing left on the table. This is for when it's over and you are going to kill yourself. You have a plan, you are ready, and you want to. At this point you are effectively dead. Which means there are no consequences. You can finally do the thing that you were always too scared to do. Maybe it's quitting your job, or confessing to your crush. For me it was coming out as trans. This is your last ditch effort, so if it blows up in your face and ruins everything it is no loss because your plan will still work tomorrow. You were already dead anyway, who cares if you left behind a bit more chaos.
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Notes: All fluff. Fem reader. Modern Levi and his mom is alive in this universe.
“So when were you gonna tell me you’ve been seeing someone?” She nudges Levi as they walk around the city, looking for the restaurant Levi had made a reservation at. It’s been a few months since Levi saw his mother in person. He has been really busy with his job and now, theres you. Meeting you and falling in love with you was unexpected. Levi was certainly not looking for a relationship at all. He was far too busy, only had time for an ocasional hookup if he was in the mood, which wasn’t often but he was still human.
You weren’t a hookup, just someone he met at one of his friends bar opening party. A mutual friend. Levi wasn’t a believer in love at first sight but when he laid his eyes on you he already imagined a lifetime with you. So he introduced himself to you and spent the rest of the night talking to each other. After exchanging numbers the rest is history.
“It’s only been a few months, Ma” He says as he’s opening the door of the restaurant for her. “And we’ve been taking it slow, wanted to make sure she was wroth mentioning. You know how I can be in these things”. Levi tells the hostess his name and they are seated.
As mentioned Levi has a tendency to not get serious in relationships, far too much of a workaholic. You on the other hand, make everything so easy. Him leaving his office at 5pm on the dot to see you, taking his breaks to talk to you if he has to work past 5, not looking at his phone or laptop when you’re around. He had made it a habit to leave earlier on Fridays because he always could, his boss even encouraged it but he always refused. Now he jumps at the opportunity.
“Well tell me about her! I’ve never seen you this happy or relaxed!” She laughs as she pokes fun at her son. He smiles at her jab and goes on to tell her about you. How funny and intelligent you are. How beautiful. He has to stop himself to not give too much detail because he wants to introduce you to her finally.
“I actually wanted you to meet her. She’s flying here tomorrow to see me but I figured we could take this opportunity to finally introduce you to her.” Levi stirs the tea he was given as he speaks, not looking up at his mother knowing she has a wide grin on her face ready to tease him for being so bashful about you.
“You’re blushing! Oh my goodness she must be a good one. Well I can’t wait to meet her! I’ll cook! What does she like? I’ll make her favorite!”
Levi goes on to tell her your food preferences and jokingly tells her to not embarrass him when you meet. The rest of the meal was spent catching up on other things. After he takes her back home and make sure everything is alright at home he leaves for his hotel. His mother insisted he stays with her, she does every time he visits, but Levi likes his space. She knows that but always offers anyways.
After he showers and gets ready for bed he calls you and tells you all about the day. Tells you how excited his mom is to meet you. You tease him how you hope she pulls out baby and yearbook pictures. Tells you cute stories about his younger years. You ask him what flowers she likes, if she likes wine so you can bring her a bottle. Or maybe even her favorite desert. Levi smiles as you speak seeing how much you want to make his mother happy. He knows you two will get along so well. He’s almost worried it will be too well. You talk on the phone for another hour before you say your goodnights and he tells you have a safe flight, double check you have everything and be at the airport at least three hours before.
#levi ackerman#attack on titan#levi#levi ackerman x reader#levi x reader#aot#levi aot#levi ackerman fluff#levi fluff
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more doodles of this thing that haunts my brain and his boyfriend
More doodles centered around pre-godhood shenanigans under cut to keep post short for the sanity of others lol
tha legally mandated Only 1 bed trope ...
getting the old uniform out!
annnnd the obilgatory sad bonus U u U
#great god grove#ggg click clack#ggg thespius#ggg lovestory#i hope its a little clearer older clicky is balding as i intended lol#these two drive me insane a lot#in my heart they ran away together on a whim to pave their own way and they DID it. it took a while but they did it :]#...do you think in another universe click clack didnt make it to ascending and their story became one about tragic love? <- the evil in me#also context for the last comic: my hc is clicky always wore a suit until thespius ascended and switched to lower maintenance clothes#because right after thespie's ascension he got real depressed about their relationship and the clothing choice kinda stuck#so its thespius asking click clack to put on his suit again because he thinks heees sooo cute in it#(and def not also because hes aware so much time has passed and he wants to ignore it. look hes in his old outfit yay no horrors here!)#<- lies#also the wedding comment is specifically because like. imagine always joking about that w someone you have a crush on#then u become immortal#and realize ur relationships kinda doomed unless he also ascends#and u watch this guy u love get older and not really do anything romantic with anyone and kinda stay isolated#one half is happy your heart isnt broken cause theres still a chance he likes you#OTHER HALF ABSOLUTELY DISTRAUGHT CUZ UR THE GOD OF LOVE AND YOUR BESTEST PARTNER FRIEND IS ALONE (and not aromantic)#coughs. anyway.#thats a lot of tags sorry#sorry to the people who read these lol
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i am a chronic "i need to watch that"-er, and i'm very lucky but also cursed to be surounded by excellent friends always recommending me excellent things. and i finally want to get off my keyster and actually WATCH them, but i have so many different serieseseseses i'm in the middle of that it's really hard to commit to one. so i made a watchlist of every series i'm either watching, beginning to watch, or wanting to watch. and then i decided to do the same with movies. and books i'm reading/want to read. and decided i should keep track of my art ideas and projects too. and this is great because with the shows especially, i've made a system where i watch one (or more if i have the time) episode of a show a day, and then make my way down and alternate between shows every day. and so far this has been working out great for me. but standing back and looking at my list is just making me say Oh, god. if you're wondering what's Eliza watching/reading/needing to work on, i have excellent news for you:
i'd also like to add that this is all on top of a continuation of last year's resolution in which i have thousands of golden age cartoons listed in a google doc, i roll a random number generator, and let it dictate the GAC i watch for the day. i am drowning
#my Letterboxd is @ducktracy if anyone wants to follow along i don't rate or review everything i watch but i've gotten better#about it in the past year#today was a Princess Tutu day and omg it's so cute#i also used to be an avid SU fan when it was new and kept up with the first 2 seasons or so--i want to go back and watch through it all to#give closure to 12 year old me. crazy it's been 12 years. and plus it'll be fun to watch it in an environment that is not 2016 tumblr SU#discourse. my parents got me The Shining and Carrie for xmas and i've really been enjoying The Shining i gotta add that to my movie list...#also Three Cabs is Three Caballeros. A LOT OF THESE ARE REWATCHES but revisiting for clarity like Ojamajo Doremi for example which ive#probably seen in full 4 times. i've been rewatching Klaus and im excited to rewatch The Nutty Professor and The Odd Couple#very excited to revisit EEnE with the cartooning appreciation i have now..#anyway. there's a lot#AND THERES STILL STUFF MISSING I HAVE TO ADD COW AND CHICKEN AGHHH
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I read Mouth to Mouth to Mouth the other day. And i enjoyed it very much.
I have to confess that I'm usually apprehensive about reading literature about the trans(masc) experiences, because I feel like it hits to close to home. So having horror and fantasy as separation screens has work wonders. (It does help that I'm a bit of a monsterfucker haha)
Really excited to see more of your work, both in text and artwork (which it is amazing btw, I love your brushstrokes). Thanks you very much.
i understand the apprehension. im kind of similar, i usually dont enjoy contemporary fiction about trans experiences. a lot of them focus on coming out + family dynamics with younger protagonists and i'd really rather not. much more interested in reading stories where the main character just so happens to be trans, and their transness still greatly affects the story, but theres more going on outside of that, too. so in that way, fantasy is a great vessel, and i had a very satisfying time translating different trans themes into the fabric of MtMtM. glad you enjoyed reading about it :-)
#also when i was a baby trans desperately looking for any books featuring trans guys#the ONLY TWO books i could find were parrotfish and i am j#and i hated them both so so so much#forever burned by those experiences#and now i write weird shit 🤾♂️#ask wilt
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im red-colorblind, and a chef. one of the last times i was at work, i accidentally served a guest a raw shrimp 😔
the situation:
our industrial oven broke, so we had a $35 fucken easy bake oven, for a week. im stupid allergic to a spice used regularly in the kitchen (boss promised shed phase it out 🫠 its been 4 months) & i take benedryl for when im exposed to it .well, diphenhydramine makes me sleepy and brain fog. she knows this, ahes complained to me about it. i keep askin her to change the recipes or Not have me in the kitchen when its cooking, she disapproves. a customer had just ordered a cobbler with x spice in it like 20 minutes previously, so id chewed benedryl & was feelin it already. it was a crazy busy night (there was a concert down the street, we had live music, and were a bar).
so here I am, the singular chef/busboy/dishwasher/etc back there, juggling 7 orders, that all came in within 3 minutes of each other. yeah :| was awful. i was losing tickets (very windy, too hot to keep the window closed) and scrambling around tryna keep time when all i had was a easy bake confection oven, and 1 porta burner to work with. anyway, i forgot to temp check 2 dishes, the shrimp and the gnocchi. 1 outta 6 shrimps was half raw...i was SO embarrassed, still am tbfh. it went to a regular, but, yk.
i should also mention that boss lady got extremely mad at me for asking about the recent Listeria chicken recall, and took me aside to scold me for thinking she was like dirty or something?? idk i didn't really get the jist of the 2nd "talking to". shes got fucking mice in the dining area too, theres shit every. where. except the kitchen
.
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gizzblr i think i gotta come clean with it... i think her and i is actually my favorite gizz song of all time. its so so so fucking special to me and the worst part is that i cannot describe with words how the song truly makes me feel and touches me to my core. half the time i listen to this song im on the verge of tears. its a hypnotic trance that i find myself truly lost in every time. the very concept of time itself becomes all fuzzy and blurry when listening to this song. i feel like i get sucked into a dreamlike state, floating around in a misty fog and having my senses and emotions being taken on a journey. every single detail of this song is so special and iconic to me. this song is so fucking unique in style even for this band and to this day theres only one other song by the band that even comes close to the feel of this one (lonely steel sheet flyer), and unfortunately its just not executed nearly as well. this song may not be my most listened to gizz track, but its up there and no matter what moods i find myself in with music as a whole, whether im deep in an obsession with other gizz albums, whether im currently a little burnt out from the gizz obsession, whether im in a metal mood, a jazzy mood, an electronic mood, etc, i always find myself regularly listening to this track. its soooo special to me and i NEVER see it getting talked about enough!!! this song deserves more love and appreciation. its so special and while i can easily describe how this song makes me feel and how much i adore it, i cannot still describe in words how the very song itself accomplishes this. it is an enigma, a mystery to me. i may never find the words for it, but that's okay. words arent needed when the song merely embeds itself into my soul, fusing itself with my very life essence. others may not quite get it like i do but thats okay. i know i already raved about this one a lot in the 35 page gizz document, but it really needed more of a spotlight.
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Jax and Zooble both crushing on sweet but oblivious!reader
ooooooooough the drama here would go insane... maybe... ponders speed running this because i have to get things to start dinner in a few minutes WOOOOO we are locking in notes: reader is gn, short post, jax and zooble cannot stand each other and its made even more clear here cws: none
oooooooh where to begin... well first of all, jax is going to be making it hell for zooble. the only reason theres a "rivalry" is because hes trying to start shit- trying to flirt with you right in front of him, stealing you away to go spend time with him instead of with zooble
will come to you and whine about how zooble is so mean to him sometimes just to try to get you on his side... is it immature and kind of manipulative? oh yeah definitely, but this is jax were talking about... thats kind of a given
and then theres... zooble... they dont see a point in fighting over you. not that they think youre not worth fighting over- they really do like you
but heres the thing: they have dignity. and so do you. and theyre not going to treat you like some prize to be won like jax is (who admittedly is only doing it out of spite)
zooble is going to let you pick who you want naturally, theyre not going to bend over backwards to try to "outshine" jax, if anything they believe that hes just going to end up sabotaging himself... so really theyve already won
not... that theyre sinking to his level and making it into a rivalry...
when you hang out with zooble its more... calm and chill. you guys actually get to relax and talk
when you hang out with jax its more... chaotic. youre still not exempt from his teasing and his jokes, and theres that to worry about... but youre too much a sweetheart to really hold him accountable. you just... let it roll right off... but its mostly just simple fun, theres no deeper connections and conversations happening- thats something that jax only really starts to have when you guys are close... really close...
but god, they may hate each other but they both agree that your obliviousness is absolutely infuriating- each attempt to try to win your affection is just met with an innocent smile
at least you dont seem to notice the tension brewing around you...
#the amazing digital circus x reader#the amazing digital circus x you#amazing digital circus x reader#amazing digital circus x you#digital circus x reader#digital circus x you#tadc x reader#tadc x you#zooble x reader#zooble x you#jax x reader#jax x you#canon x reader#canon x you#x reader
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[Komaeda hesitates before doing what he did next. They place their free hand on Hinata’s shoulder, arm wrapped around him as they pull him to lean against them.]
It’s okay, really. I mean it, I’m okay with it.
Look, let me try and word it in a way that can be understood. My luck is- very linear when it comes to how it works: After every bad thing that happens, it’s followed with an equally good fortune. And after every good fortune, something bad comes after, so on so forth. There are times where I’m able to rely on my luck in order to get a certain outcome, even if that’s still a bit of a work in progress.
My luck has definitely ruined any chances of me having a normal life, that’s for sure. But I- feel like since I’ve met you, there’s been a strange shift in it. I don’t understand it either, and truly theres no reason it should’ve, but something’s changed in my life since and I’m not quite sure what.
Haha…Maybe I’m just happier, I don’t know.
But now, it feels like it follows that structure a bit less. Putting it plainly, something awful should’ve happened by now, way before we even became friends. And yet? Nothing. It’s not happened, and it’s been months since we even met.
So really, things are all up in the air at the moment. They always have been a little uncertain, but now I really don’t know what’s going to come next. And I think- I’m fine with that, strangely enough.
Anything could happen. That includes me living a full life. And thats thanks to you.
…
Hinata Hajime, you’ve really changed my life. For the better.
[Komaeda stares down at the letter for a long time in front of the locker. He had been getting weird stares so far from even being in the reserve department as a main course student, but they only seemed to pick it up now that he was actually stood in front of Hinata’s locker.
All they had to do was put the letter through the gap and leave, that’s it. That’s all he would have to do to have all those emotions, thoughts and feelings out in the open to Hinata, since they were too much of a loathsome coward to try and admit it to his face.
Gripping onto the letter with a force, Komaeda sighs as they opt out, putting the letter back in his bag and making his way to the exit.]
(What am I, stupid? A worthless nobody like me stooping this low is unbelievable. Hinata could never derive hope from a letter like this, not from me.)
@komaedas-fragments
*Hinata isn’t at his locker at the time— he’s probably in class or studying. The hallway is empty, save for a handful of unimportant Reserve Course students.
Two particular boys walk past, nearly bumping into Komaeda as he goes by. One of them stops, elbowing the other to get his attention. They speak to each other in hushed, angry voices, gesturing to Komaeda a couple times before one of them approaches him from behind and grabs onto his shoulder.*
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turns out i am a special little snowflake and nobody has ever felt the way i have and nobody can relate and im just. gonna be alone and shitty and garbage forever
#theres this chasm between myself and the rest of humanity#and its insurmountable and im fucked#like. oh. ur depressed too?#but are u depressed bc youre in your 30s with no skills and no friends and still live with ur parents#working the first job you ever had that you only got durijg covid bc the company was desperate for suckers#willing to work during a fucking pandemic#and its gonna be the only job you ever have bc u - again - have no skills and couldnt cut it at college for reasons that are#still unknown to yourself and you have no friends and want friends but#dont have the social skills to make friends bc all the friends u made back in grade/high school.only were friends#bc being forced together 5 days a week and if it werent for forced proximity they wpuldnt fucking care#as evidence by the fact that you no longer are in contact with them#and you also spent the majority of your 20s more or less isolated from other people bc#you were live in caretaker for your grandparents at various times#one of which may or may not have abused you at a young age so that was cool#but now that youre in a place to maybe build a social life you dont have the skills to do so#bc its not like youre funny or cool or smart or anything like that inherently so you cant make up for the awkwardness#so youre bately tolerated at best but secretly everyone wishes youd leave#and you do want to leave but you also need money and anywhere else that might hire you pays less and you have financial responsibilities now#so youre stuck much to your and everyone else around you's disappointment#and on top of all that theres family bullshit going on that you have no control over that nonetheless effects you#and on top of that youre still living with the ancient depression that started when you were young that you never really got a grip on#that you still dont understand where it came from bc theres no real reason for it to exist#you dont have a reason to feel that way which makes you feel even shittier for feeling the way you do#have you wasted your entire life?#and theres still time but is there? is there really?#the world is burning down around us - has been for years - and so i dont#i dont know. if i fix myself finally and the world explodes the next day. what was the point?#theres still time but while im workng on my shit or whatever im still gonna have to live with feeling like this#and despite all this people still have it worse so im a selfish shithead for feeling like this#i dont know what the point is anymore
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The Lamb Slaying Death Incarnate
(Part of a larger comic....but I sort of like this panel a lot on its own!)
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl lamb#I hate that I have so many comic ideas and Neves + lamb au ideas THERES SO MUCH I WANT TO DRAW#but they all come with various degrees of difficulty and time consumption#anyways. that shepherd’s crook is not really a weapon they use it’s more. Symbolic I guess#laughing cuz u can see exactly where the text is supposed to go. BLEH!#there’s actually still so much I have to edit. I’m not sold on the textures. Or the colors. Much to think about#my art
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adventure time lore is insane. it starts off just being a goofy kids show that has magic for no reason, but then you learn that all magic users are manic and/or depressed (what betty calls sadness and madness). because it turns out magic is actually a cosmic force beyond mortal comprehension, that itself was learned from cosmic entities that predated the existence of time itself inside a sea of monsters. and "magic" really is just understanding more about the nature of the universe than most people. that, in a way, reality isnt "real" and understanding that allows you to mold it. and thats magic. but that drives you to insanity and/or apathy. and there are beings who hold significant cosmic importance who are more prone to magic. and the reason magic became prevalent on earth is because of a nuclear war a thousand years ago, which released the entity that represents the destruction of all life onto the world. and after a nuclear apocalypse this gave way to a new earth, where magic could thrive. but a lot of the beings we see arent even magical, theyre just mutants from what happened 1000 years ago. and humanity as we know it has been all but wiped out. but everything stays the same because cycles of war and violence continue. and it doesnt matter if its nukes or magic. everything stays the same, but still changes.
#adventure time#and this is literally just barely the tip of the iceburg#theres so much lore for literally everything#as a kid watching it i thought it was cool. but i feel like i really appreciate just how much went into it as an adult#esp knowing how much was improvised! its genuinely so fun and has such cool concepts#and its still a silley show. its fun. its so much fun#cartoon of all time#of all. adventure time
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ooo to add onto this, I feel like this whole situation become so so much more interesting & complex when you read it with the knowledge gained from the infernal devices. because by the time city of heavenly fire is published, it's very very clear that Jace is Tessa's descendant; the family tree literally spells it out for you. TID's main plot is all tied up in Tessa's weird ancestry, ultimately being revealed that she is the daughter of an unblessed Shadowhunter & the greatest of all Eidolon demon and by being her descendant, Jace is their descendant too. the mortal instruments works best when you're aware of the irony that Jace really did have demon blood all along, and that was intentional fairly early on (Tessa first appears in at the end City of Glass and is clearly there talking to Magnus bc one of her descendants just appeared out of thin air lol).
I definitely have my critiques with how Jonathan & his demon blood was handled at times but also CC does hint towards the flaws of how the characters view Jonathan & I know I forget that sometimes lol. like the second half of tmi, where we see the most of Jonathan, was directly juxtaposed with the infernal devices when it was being published. there's an obvious parallel between Tessa and Jonathan, as they're both the product of child experimentation combining angel and demon blood in order to create a new species of people, but Tessa very decidedly not evil because she wasn't raised by a egotistical manipulator who wanted her to be. multiple times are we showed both Jocelyn and Valentine having biases about Jonathan that aren't actually found on anything, although with Valentine these tend to come from extra content (theres a mini comic & Jonathan's "fun fact" in the flower book comes to mind too). I do wish there was a little more within the actual series tho tbh.
as for Jace reclaiming the name Herondale, I think it's just that. Valentine raised him to be anyone, and thus no one, a changeling (Tessa parallel??). his name wasn't given to him, but someone else, and he grew up living someone else life. as far as anyone was concerned, Valentine especially, there was no baby Herondale. To me, by choosing the name Herondale, Jace defies Valentine and all his plans by reaffirming he was someone before he tried to erase him. Valentine told him who he was, who he should be by constantly robbing Jace of what he had, and the very first thing he took was Stephen and Celine, and their parents (directly or indirectly). Jace can't hate them or love them, because he never knew them. and if the Herondales die without him, then it just another thing Valentine stole from him.
like idk to me, it's less about whether or not Jace had a relationship with Stephen (or any Herondale) that justifies him continuing on the family name, because he doesn't. but by being a Herondale, he survives Valentine and everything he did. everything Valentine did was meaningless in the end — he didn't need to do it! circling back to Tessa, if Valentine wanted a shadowhunter with demon blood that badly, he had one standing right next to him willing to do whatever he wanted! nobody asked him to start sacrificing sons to the cause of creating a better world in his image.
(side note, I imagine the reason he doesn't consider the Montclaire name is because it's probably already been reclaimed by the Clave or has other members still continuing it. Herondale was still being used by Imogen up until her death in City of Ashes so it dying out is a very recent development)
it's 2am this might have stopped being coherent ages ago but like also idk if I read that as Jace saying people can't change tbh. to me he's saying that names in and of themselves don't really change anything, like Jonathan dying his hair black didn't change anything either. a name is just a name, and Herondale was supposed to be his. something could also be said on how it parallels Clary too because Jocelyn spent her own life pretending she was Clary Fray, a normal mundane girl, but she wasn't. Valentine would have wanted her to be Clary Morgenstern, but she wasn't that either.
My firmest TSC take will always be that Jace should have gone by Lightwood in the end. I get that him being a Herondale makes sense in the grand scheme of the TSC universe (him, Will, James, Kit, and Edmund are all birds of a feather), but his personal arc is far more dependent on the family who raised him. Learning about his biological parents is of course important to him, but calling himself a Herondale doesn't actually feel like a resolution to his identity crisis. TMI is all about rejecting the hatred handed down from previous generations, which is why neither Clary nor Jace identify as Morgensterns. While Stephen was nowhere near as bad as Valentine, he also did even less to shape Jace into his adult self. Robert and Maryse on the other hand actually raised him for half his life, and Alec Isabelle and Max grew up alongside him as his siblings. He's a Lightwood in every way that matters, I don't get why Jace (in-universe) would choose to identify himself as a Herondale when there's nothing tying him to that family but blood spilled before he was born.
Anyways, I'm a Jace Lightwood truther for life, thank you for coming to my tedtalk
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The Titans tower attack and everything plays out the same except Jason hits his throat just slightly differently causing Tim to lose use of his vocal chords and go fully mute
Luckily, sign language was already slowly being learned in the manor due to Cass struggling to speak some days, so he already knew basic phrases
the major issue with his newfound mutism is using the comms
the comms are entirely functioning by voice, and without one, youre kinda screwed
Tim attempts to go out with no comms a couple times which makes Bruce very mad so he has to come up with another solution, he ends up installing a camera and chip into his domino so that the camera can pick up his hands and the chip can interpret them and read rhem out to the comms
one day while tim is out as Robin, he ends up confronting the red hood
tim is obviously silent, but instead of Jason noticing this, he chooses to almost tease Tim about it, not knowing the extent of the damage he caused, “what? too scared to even say anything to me now?”
its not until Jason starts to rejoin the family that he learns what happened to Tim that night
#batman#batfam#tim drake#jason todd#dc robin#dc comics#red robin#mute#titans tower#its really a punch in the gut for all the bats the first time they see Tim laugh#hes entirely silent#but still makes all the movements and faces#theres other parts of this i wanna explore but its late
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painting test with a limited color palette
here's the moon equivalent!
#my art#daycare attendant#dca fandom#hm... no character tags. guess!#really put off posting this since i had no clue what to write for the image id... but it turned out to be fairly easy. sorry if its bad tho#i've been having a falling out with this series recently#its hard for me to like it these days. like theres still a lingering bit of affection for it#but i cant help but wonder if its time to move on from it. hm#i know im probably talking about it in a weird way but... its always been mentally distressing to leave my interests behind!!#sigh.. i know this blog is fairly ''big'' but idk if i'd be missing out on much by leaving. considering how isolated i am from the communit#and also how much i tend to dislike the majority of the community too. hm#eh who knows... we'll see
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