#and then split their personalities into two

[anonymousshade]

May I present: A deity representing spherical celestial object in the sky with split personality disorder to represent the two spherical objects in the sky giving off vastly different amounts of light

as much as I love portrayals of the sun and moon as a (lesbian) couple, the greeks were really on to something when they said "actually they're siblings who disapprove of each other's life choices"

[pupp0ccino]

the brothrs....

I am such a sucker for these two, I love the idea of them both being a product of Error and Inks left overs from fights and not actual love. I have a whole mental au for them with my friend @/canvasism where they are both raised from birth ( which is basically a few years since they were never actual skele-pups and where born as adolescents , Gradient being slightly older) by Error in the anti-void , and occasionally visited by Fresh, who serves as the really cool step dad. Error doesn't notify Ink of their existence until they're like teens and keeps them just tucked away in the anti void.

Error treating them more like his little siblings than his kids, cuz he is in no means appropriate to be a parent. He was very split on how to feel about them at first since they are technically anomalies that aren't supposed to exist by any means, but as time passed he starts to care for them, he's more or so good at showing his love by being over protective.

Error sewn/knitted clothing for them and eventually taught them to do it themselves so they all make their own clothes.

Pj has a slight ignorance when it comes to personal space , and loves psychical affection. While Gradient is more like Error, he doesn't necessarily hate to be touched though, he's just really awkward with it. He tolerates it with Pj because he loves his lil sibling, he just gets caught off guard when Pj hug tackles him even when he does it so much, he never seems to get fully used to it

[hoe4hotchner]

Aaron Hotchner x non bau rich reader. Hotchner see's reader be all professional CEO and telling her that she looks hot when talking about work.

Girl Boss | [A.H]

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x rich fem!reader| WC: 0.6k | CW: girlbossing

The sharp click of your heels resonated within the room. Sunlight streamed through the towering glass windows behind you, casting your silhouette against the long table where half a dozen personnel sat, their pens poised and eyes alert.

"Let me be clear," you began, your voice cutting through the silence. "We are not pushing this launch back again." Your words were sharp enough to make even the most seasoned executive in the room sit a little straighter. You placed your hands on the table's edge, leaning forward slightly, the subtle move reinforcing your authority.  

"I expect finalized projections on my desk by tomorrow morning. No excuses. No oversights," you continued. "If there are any further delays, we’ll be having an entirely different kind of meeting. Understood?"

The collective murmurs of agreement followed swiftly, though not without a trace of hesitation. Your gaze swept the table, catching each person’s eye for a split second, long enough to cement your expectations but short enough to keep your employees at bay.  

"Good," you said, straightening up. Your expression softened by a degree — but only a degree. "Meeting adjourned."

Aaron had been leaning casually against the doorway to your office, his hands tucked into the pockets of his coat as he observed the scene unfolding. His eyes tracked your every movement, and there you were — fierce and assertive — commanding the room in a way that made it impossible for anyone to look away. Including him.  

He didn’t interrupt, content to watch as you had delivered your final order, and dismissed the room. His gaze lingered, marveling at the way you held everyone’s attention.  

Finally, your eyes found him. You turned and strode out of the room, the rhythm of your heels once again filling the space.

"Aaron," you said, your voice losing the edge it carried moments before as you walked toward him. Behind you, the meeting’s attendees began packing up. "You’re early."

"Traffic was light," he replied. He tilted his head slightly, his smirk deepening as he added, "Should I call you ma’am now, or will boss suffice?"

You rolled your eyes. Still, you couldn’t keep the small smile from tugging at your lips.  

"Come on," you said, closing the distance between you and reaching for his arm. Your fingers brushed against the sleeve of his coat. "We’re done here."

Aaron pushed off the doorframe and let you lead him, his smirk lingering as he fell into step beside you. Whatever commanding personality you projected in the boardroom, he knew the softer version of you just as well — and he loved both sides equally.  

The elevator was empty when the two of you stepped inside. His arm came around you without hesitation, his hand finding the small of your back. "Long day?"

"You have no idea," you admitted, closing your eyes as you allowed yourself to rest against him. "Sometimes I forget why I even started this."

Aaron chuckled softly, his breath warm against your temple as he leaned down slightly. "I think I just remembered," he said with a teasing tone as his lips brushed the shell of your ear.  

You opened your eyes, pulling back just enough to meet his gaze, an eyebrow arching in curiosity. "Oh?" you prompted.  

"You," he replied without missing a beat. "You look unbelievably hot when you're bossing people around. I should make you talk about profit margins more often."

A surprised laugh bubbled out of you before you could stop it, your hand instinctively swatting at his chest. "You’re ridiculous," you said, shaking your head, though the smile that stretched across your face betrayed your words.  

"Ridiculously in love," he countered smoothly, his hand at your back pulling you just a fraction closer, as though he couldn’t stand the thought of even an inch of space between you.  

The elevator glided to a stop, the faint ding marking your arrival at the parking level. Aaron glanced at the doors as they began to slide open, then back at you. "Come on, CEO," he said, "let me take you home."

[casscainmainly]

The Evolution of Cassandra Cain's Dialogue

Since Batgirl #1 is out and thriving, I thought it'd be fun to dive into the history of Cass' dialogue throughout different writers/runs. This is not comprehensive - I'll miss some writers, but I'll be covering her generally most known runs in mainline continuity (so no DCeased, Shadow of the Batgirl, etc.). Not a linguist by any means, so linguists on here feel free to chime in! (I'll also give opinions on which interpretations I personally prefer at the end).

Without further ado, we'll start at the beginning:

Kelley Puckett - Batgirl (2000)

Pre-issue 4, Cass speaks minimally in one-word sentences and doesn't have internal narration. Post-issue 4 (when a metahuman changes Cass' brain), she develops an internal monologue and begins to speak longer sentences. I'm splitting Puckett's Cass dialogue into 3 stages: early, middle, and late.

Early (#4 - #12): Cass speaks short, fragmented sentences. Each word has an ellipses between them (panel 1 above, from #7).

Middle (#13 - #24): Cass continues to speak incomplete sentences (often missing a subject or pronouns), but without ellipses (panel 2, from #13).

Late (#25 onwards): Cass begins to speak complete, simple sentences, punctuated by a few ellipses (panel 3, from #33). She continues to speak grammatically (though slowly) throughout the final part of Puckett's run.

Dylan Horrocks - Batgirl (2000)

Horrocks writes very similarly to late-Puckett, with Cass speaking in full, simple sentences, punctuated by the occasional ellipses. Horrocks introduces two new elements to her dialogue:

Cass stutters, sometimes repeating a word or phrase at the beginning of a sentence (panel 1 above, from #39). This is mostly used in the earlier parts of Horrocks' run.

She quotes reality TV (panel 2, from #51).

Maybe because of the reality TV, Cass also speaks more colloquially here than in Puckett's run, using phrases like "come 'n' get it" (from #57).

Andersen Gabrych - Batgirl (2000)

Gabrych's run focuses heavily on Cass' dialogue. Panel 1 above, from #58, suggests her narration boxes are another form of dialogue - Cass is speaking into a recorder. Several features of Gabrych's Cass dialogue are:

Ellipses: Even more than his predecessors, Gabrych scatters ellipses throughout Cass' speech (panel 1).

Fillers: Cass extensively uses filler words such as 'uh', 'um', and 'like' (panel 1, panel 2 from #61).

Longer sentences: Cass is more talkative and speaks longer sentences (panel 1, which is basically more words per panel than Puckett and Horrocks combined).

Wordplay: Cass often ponders definitions and word structures (panel 1, 2).

Adam Beechen - Batgirl (2008)

After evil Cass (that dialogue is not worth discussing), Beechen gets another chance with Cass in this miniseries. More than any other writer, Beechen differentiates Cass' internal monologue from her dialogue - her narration boxes are much wordier than her speech.

Her dialogue is a more loquacious version of late-Puckett or Horrocks: full sentences interspersed with ellipses (panel 1, from #1). The ellipses drop off towards the end of the series.

Her narration boxes use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary. They read more or less as fluent English (panel 2, from #4).

Scott Snyder - Gates of Gotham (2011)

Snyder's Cass somewhat resembles mid-Puckett, using short sentences without ellipses (panel 1, from #2). She speaks a fair amount, but is more taciturn here than in any previous run. This is partially due to her not having narration boxes.

A unique feature of Snyder's Cass is preferring formal to informal speech. Though she uses contractions (panel 1), she goes large stretches without them (panel 2, from #3). She also omits the subject of a sentence only once in 5 issues, whereas native speakers (like Dick) drop the subject all the time ('have you ever been to Paris?' vs. 'ever been to Paris?'; Snyder's Cass would always say the former instead of the latter).

Sidenote: Batman & Robin: Eternal (2015)

Quick note about B&R:E: Cass is reintroduced into canon after being erased by the New 52, which means she's back to having very limited language ability. The series is scripted by multiple people, so it's hard to analyse. Suffice it to say she speaks in monosyllabic words, at most a short, incomplete sentence, but is mostly silent.

James Tynion IV - Detective Comics (2016)

Because Cass' language ability has been reset, Tynion develops her speech along the lines of Batgirl (2000).

Early Tynion has Cass speaking single word sentences (panel 1, from #938). Very similar to pre-metahuman touch Cass in BG (2000).

During the League of Shadows arc, Cass begins to speak a few words at a time, often separated by an ellipsis (panel 2, from #956).

Afterwards, Cass' friendship with Basil Karlo blossoms, leading to this run's most distinctive language feature - Cass improves her speech via studying and quoting Shakespeare (panel 3, from #958). Her improvement is reflected in the rest of the run through speaking longer and more frequent sentences.

Bryan Hill - Batman & The Outsiders (2019)

Like other writers, Hill's Cass generally uses short, simple sentences. She frequently drops the subject or pronoun in a sentence (panel 1, from #1). Hill doesn't use ellipses to separate the sentences, opting for periods most of the time.

Cass sometimes omits other words from her sentences too, dropping articles like 'a' and 'the' (panel 2, from #4), prepositions like 'to', and verbs like 'is' (panel 3, from #9). This peters out in the second half of the run.

Becky Cloonan and Michael W. Conrad - Batgirls (2022)

Similar to mid-Puckett, Batgirls has Cass speak mostly in short, 1-2 word sentences (panel 1, from #2). Cloonan and Conrad occasionally use ellipses as well, though mostly for emphasis/natural hesitation rather than indicating a unique speech pattern (panel 2, from #7).

Cass also has a habit of repeating/echoing a phrase Stephanie says (panel 3, from #16). This might be more of a friendship thing than a speech thing, though.

Alyssa Wong - Spirit World (2023)

Wong's Cass uses short sentences sometimes interrupted by ellipses, like late-Puckett and Horrocks (panel 1, from #1). Generally, if the sentence is three words or less, there won't be an ellipsis (panel 2, from #5).

Kelly Thompson - Birds of Prey (2023)

Thompson's Cass draws on a lot of previous iterations, but is somewhat unique as a whole. Some elements of BoP Cass include:

She speaks in sentences of varying lengths, but rarely with more than one clause (panel 1, from #1). Thompson is more strict about not using commas with Cass than most other writers.

Cass is a little more talkative (panel 2, from #5). Her sentences are fairly lengthy compared to most other runs, and she doesn't always opt for the shortest way to say things ('where is it?' instead of 'do you know where it is?'). Thompson also doesn't use ellipses, which adds to the sentences feeling longer/more complete.

BoP is ongoing so Thompson may add more to her speech.

Sidenote: Ram V - Detective Comics (2023)

Putting this in a sidenote since there's not much to say, but Ram V takes after mid-Puckett, with Cass using shorter, incomplete sentences. Cass almost always omits the subject of a sentence; her dialogue is as short as possible while retaining clarity.

Thoughts

Because Cass' language disability is a core part of her character, but learning to speak is also a core part of her character, I prefer writers who emphasize her unique speech patterns without reducing her range of expression. My favourites are:

Gabrych - by far the person who put the most effort into his dialogue, Gabrych-Cass has such a vibrant, distinctive style of speaking. The narration boxes, Cass' wordplay, and the use of fillers and ellipses all combine for a speech style that highlights her disability without reducing her to it.

Puckett/Horrocks - combining because they are really very similar. Puckett and Horrocks both use ellipses to great effect, and is a great style to emulate for Cass in an earlier stage of life. Horrocks' use of reality TV is severely underutilised. Puckett, of course, is the gold standard for typical Cass dialogue - if Gabrych's style is a little too much, Puckett and Horrocks are the way to go.

Tynion - mostly because of the Shakespeare thing. It's such a beautiful and clever way of showing her progress, and the amount of symbolism you could do with Cass quoting Shakespeare is unmatched.

I don't super enjoy the more talkative Casses (Beechen, Thompson to an extent), though I kind of like Snyder's take because there's a sense of Cass being very careful with her speech there. If you're writing Cass for a fanfic or something, I would avoid Hill's Outsiders; the run is great, but Cass' ungrammatical speech is unusual and doesn't jibe with the rest of her depictions. Ram V and Wong are relatively good depictions to draw from though.

Of course these are my opinions! I may have gotten some things wrong/overgeneralised stuff, so take all this with a grain of salt. All you need to know is you should read Batgirl (2000) :).

[notarabeiia]

i personally dont actually think she said mama, i think she whined and becuase sevika was carrying her and she was being jostled it split it into two syllables.

I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF

[creamflix]

ME TOO! — gojo x female reader x (female) gojo

summary: dating gojo satoru is like babysitting a hyperactive child with infinite power — exhausting, chaotic, and occasionally sweet. but when a cursed mishap splits him into two versions of himself, things get out of hand. oh, and did i mention the new version is a girl? yeah, meet "fem gojo," who’s just as unbearable as the original but with better tits (her words, not yours). now you’re stuck playing referee between two gojos who seem hell-bent on driving you insane — or into bed, depending on their mood. one’s stealing your snacks, the other’s stealing your bras, and neither seems capable of staying out of your personal space. it’s double the gojo, double the trouble, and zero chance of peace. can you keep them in check, or will their endless charm (and shameless flirting) be your ultimate downfall?

content warnings: polyamory, bisexual reader, threesomes, lots of fluff & crack, some hurt/angst with comfort. shameless smut; recurring cucking and voyeurism. please read each chapter's cw before reading. don't like it? don't read it.

status: constantly updating due to the nature of this series ; taglist is open, please have your age in your bio otherwise you will be blocked.

chapters: prologue ⋆ want to read more? check out this tag! → keep in mind that these chapters can be read seperately and do not necessarily follow an order, as this is a oneshot collection

read on ao3 ୨୧ asks, behind the scenes etc.

produced by creamflix on tumblr. all rights reserved. do not copy, steal, modify, repost — support your writers by liking and reblogging. ♡

[ryywyd]

HYFR

Wnba!Paige bueckers x black!Oc

Nsfw smut w/ plot, they went to scissor city ;) Author notes. This is my first time posting on tumblr #retiredwattpadgirly but my drafts are full so I’m finally posting. This might have two more parts (idk haven’t decided yet.) oh! And this ain’t proofread sorry

The restaurant lights dimmed the room as the low chatter from the surrounding guess filed the rest of the space, in corner set Saida and Paige both low eyed looking at each other with nothing but lust.

The girl sitting in front of Paige had transformed entirely from the person she had known fours years prior. Her once bare skin was now adorned with black ink and piercings. The change did not bother Paige; in fact, it turned her on more than she expected.

The two had sent a year together at UConn becoming more than acquainted before Saida transferred to ucla, the two wasn't in a relationship but they had an understanding but Paige wanted more than that On the other hand, Saida, influenced by her strict religious upbringing, she couldn't bring herself to it, which led them ending things ,.

And Finally reconnecting with each other– bring them here now, after Paige spotted Saida sitting court side at one of her games. Pulling her back in making her realize why she wanted all of those years ago.

"I'm sorry, what was you saying ?" Paige spoke shaking her head, she had completely tuned out everything Saida had said, she was more focused on how the light hit Saida brown skin that made the black link pop out and how the swoop from her straighten hair fell in her face.

"I said it's nice we could do this." Saida repeated as her eyes fell onto Paige's lips. ' y'know with how i ended everything.. I'm sorry again.,

"You don't gotta' keep apologizing, I'm not holding it against you " She husked her voice low 'we good now.,

"So.. was that your girlfriend ?, Paige questioned changing the subject and breaking the uncomfortable silence between them  "at the game with you ?"

"Something like that?it's more of a situationship, I don't know It's complicated." Saida shrugged pushing her straw around, her eyes roaming over Paige.

"If you gotta' girlfriend..what you doing here with me" Paige tried to push down the jealousy that was starting to show.

Saida shook her head biting the corner of her lip motioning for Paige to lean in,lifting up from your seat meeting her halfway whispering into her ear ' because I want you so bad p;

"We can get this shit to go, you gotta prove it to me ma;

In the span of thirty minutes the two had already made it back to Saida apartment and they couldn't keep their hands off of each other particularly ripping each others clothes off. Stumbling into the room, four years away apart felt like a decade and they were feining  for each other.

Paige gripped her jaw making her mouth open slightly "Open." She demanded as she watched her open up her mouth some more sticking her tongue out

Her split dripped in Saida mouth before she pulled her in, sucking on her tongue "I'm bout' to fuck you so good." She mumbled against her as she moved lips back to hers. As she roughly pulled the skirt Saida wore down rubbing her through the thin lace.

" w-wait, I wanna eat you first." She whimpered out feeling her apply more pressure against her wet cunt, she hummed not hearing ignoring what she said.

"You wanna make me feel good?" Paige asked softly watching as her breaths got heavier as she rubbed between her wet slit "tell me how much you want me."

"Please." Saida plead, she was all over the place she didn't know if the pleads were for Paige to keep touching her or for Paige to let her taste her.

"Get on your knees."

Paige lift her bottom half of the bed, pulling her jeans down along with her boxers repositioning herself at the edge of the bed. Spreading her legs wider; crawling in between her legs kissing the inside of her thighs Paige buckled her hips moving her wet cunt closer.

"Don't tease." Paige breathe out gripping saida's cheeks moving her face into, latching her mouth onto Paige moan softly against the blonde.

"Fuck! You so nasty baby." Paige amused moving her hands into saida's hair pulling her closer than she already was grinding into her face.

Saida was restless more eager to get the blonde to come on her tongue than anything, the vibration from her moans sent Paige over the edge

"Come for me p; make a mess in my mouth." Pulling back enough for Paige to hear her. Her hand creep up sliding a finger into her leaking hole with ease. Attaching her mouth back onto her clit sucking as her fingers move

her fingers curled against the blonde g spot. Paige let out weak moan as her hand flew up gripping the back of her neck, nails digging into her skin as she arched her back.

"Don't stop" the girl panted as she tangled her free hand into the dark hair and tugged. Paige whimpered, feeling her slip back inside of her. She didn't even know that she had done that. It didn't matter though, because it felt amazing. She couldn't hold back, her high finally hitting her.

Saida grinned as she felt the girl's pussy clench around her fingers. Her cum flooded her mouth, her sweet taste making her moan.

"I'm boutta cum, fuck sai right there." Paige whimpered gripping the girl hair harder, moving her her closer holding her head down riding out her orgasm,

finally letting go letting the girl up for air pulling her up by her hair pulling her into a sloppy kiss. Paige tilt her head back Opening her mouth signaling for Saida to spit in her mouth "You gon' let me fuck you now ?"

Paige questioned pulling the girl onto her lap, roughly pulling the thin lace to side flipping them over' let me hear you baby,

"Fuck me please."

Paige shot up, straddling Saida right thigh then lifting her left leg up letting it rest on her broad shoulder. She rolled her hips forward, meeting the girl's sloppy cunt with her own. They both were so wet, arousal dripping onto both of their thighs.

You feel so fucking good, fuck." The younger girl groaned, her head falling back onto the mattress, mouth agape. Paige's hands ran over the girl's smooth legs, fingers dancing over the girl's pussy. Her thumb circled her clit, teasing it.

"Paige.." she breathed out, her hips thrusting up trying to meet the blonde touch.

"Look at that making a fuckin’ mess." Paige cooed her eyes focused on where her pussy gushes onto the girls moving her hips to get the perfect angle.

"D-don't stop baby please." Saida whimper as Paige spreader her legs wider with a strong grip on her thigh fucking herself into the bed making the headboard hit against the wall repeatedly.

Paige let out a groan grinding into the girl faster than she was before , this time the headboard bangs against the wall louder than it already was , covering the filthy sounds of your pussys wetness mixing together.

"oh fuck p- Paige Paige !" Saida frantically chant her name over and over her hands moving all over her before landing on her forearms and digging her nails into them.

"you like when I fuck you like this? Like it when my pussy makes a mess all over yours hm?" She breathlessly whispered, her hips stutter and her nails digging into the girl skin

Such a fuckin’ slut i'm gonna cum all over that pussy" she breathlessly whispers. her hips stutter and her hands grip your thighs harshly.

"Cum all over me baby " Saida whine, not breaking eye contact as her hips jerk forward as she desperately chased after her orgasm

"fuck, fuck, oh god-!" she gasps, eyes squeezing shut as she cums. A mixture of both of the girls hot strings of thick cum landed on Saida lower stomach, dripping down and onto both of their folds. it's all too much. Paige can feel her body tense against saida’s , her fingers digging into the soft flesh of your thighs.

Paige rolled off the girl, gently placing tender kisses along her shoulder and up to her jawline. She raised her hand to softly trace the love make she had left scattered around her neck.

“You can’t leave me ever again.”

Author note #2. I hope yall liked this fr, I gave up towards the end.

[ariiadnes]

╭ ⿻ ･ 0713

ଓ.° ・ simon riley. call of duty. family fic -- simon and reader have a daughter. may as well make this an unofficial series ～(　TロT)σ every day i am victim to the delusions !!

when you first met simon, you quite honestly did not think you'd end up having such a domestic life with him. you've known each other for a long while, been together for less. you've seen each other go through hell and back, worry for each other's safety and return, and here you are now, with a daughter that is exactly like him.

kind of. mostly, you'd say.

personality? absolutely. quiet, reserved-- her, mostly in the sense that she's shy. him, in the sense that he just doesn't like talking to people very much. but quiet all the same, you suppose.

appearances? oh, one hundred percent. brown eyes, brown hair. sharp gaze. you don't know how a two year old has a sharp gaze, but she does.

little quirks? you suppress a sigh just thinking about it. wherever you are, simon is. he's practically your shadow-- so what's your daughter? his shadow. so basically, in summary : anywhere you go? have no fear, you will never be alone. ever.

oh, forgot something in the bedroom? just turn around and you'll face-plant into your husband's chest, and when you recover, you'll see your daughter peek out from behind his leg to see what all the ruckus is. oh, you're going to do laundry? forget the television, make it a group effort instead. grocery shopping? no need to split up to make it faster. he's mapped out the most efficient route around the store to knock out this trip in less than an hour.

yeah. they're weird. but you love them, so it's okay.

you'd like to think that nothing surprises you at this point, until today -- when you're tending to the house, bright and early, only to see a certain half awake toddler and her dad standing in the living room. you pause for a moment, mildly surprised that she's already up. you don't say anything-- just watching, as they haven't noticed you around the corner of the hallway quite yet.

"papa."

"munchkin."

silence. like, a long silence. your brows furrow, and you can't help but tilt your head in confusion and curiosity as you witness the strange phenomenon that is your family. she closes the distance, looking up at him. and in return, he looks down at her.

and they just stare at each other. in even more silence. for a good few minutes. not a single word exchanged. you're just so confused by this interaction that you're about to speak up, but then she raises her arms, and just like that, he picks her up, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead-- his usual good morning greeting to her, you've come to notice.

you stand there in the hallway, confused as ever, as he walks off to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for her. you have no idea what that was. you blink a few times before shaking your head, joining him in the kitchen to help with the morning prep.

-- so naturally, when night comes, the little one is sleeping, and you're laying in bed next to simon, you can't help but ask:

"what the hell happened this morning?"

he pauses at the sudden question.

"you burned the pancakes, dove."

your eye twitches.

"i did fucking not." you roll your eyes, though you don't put up any resistance as he pulls you closer to him, an arm draped over your waist. "i'm talking about your little stare down today. what was that?"

simon stares blankly at the wall in recollection of the event. a moment or two, then a slow shift in his gaze as he looks at you.

"-- just had a bit of a chat."

"...you both said one word each."

"said it was a bit, didn't i?"

oh, insufferable. weird and insufferable. you give him a deadpan stare, in which he returns full on-- and now you're stuck in a silent staring contest with him. as much as you'd love to try and redeem yourself from the losing streak you've maintained all these years, you understand that one : it is midnight, and you would like to not stay up until three in the morning only to lose, and two : you should be realistic and know that you'll never win.

"stop that." you grumble, hand covering his eyes. "she's gonna pick up on that and start staring into people's souls. it'll freak them out."

he chuckles softly, moves your hand away before lacing his fingers with yours, lips gently trailing down your neck. "not a bad thing. instills fear."

"...i would really like you to not encourage our two year old daughter to instill fear into people, simon riley."

a faint hum of acknowledgement and amusement, then another kiss along your jaw, the corner of your mouth, then your lips. he can't help but notice the feeling of your smile despite your disgruntled words, and he thinks he loves you all the more for it.

"i'll consider it, love."

[cicadabooks]

aaaaa finally i feel justified for reluctantly finishing the first Monk and Robot book with a :/ face, and then feeling even more :/ :/ :/ about reading the 2nd book. Which I did not read, and it looks like this was the correct choice, for me.

"Underbaked" is a decent summary of the first book - people (....often white people I feel like....) would recommend the book and how they loved it, and when I finally read it, I was just like.... This author is over-reaching and floundering around in areas she doesn't know much about. (And also this book felt very White Person writing world building to me.) Even the final pep talk by Mosscap rubbed me the wrong way. It was obvs just Not the Book For Me. (Also winning a Hugo.... It's not the worst book, but...? I think people are being bamboozled a bit.)

I remember the author's approach to nature was weird. I remember thinking "people live in nature, we're part of nature, and to just have the two drastically split is disturbing. Also I don't think this author has ever actually walked through the woods, or at least not more than three times."

OP's line above ("The Robot Side is kept wild and humans are discouraged from going in there because humans can't be trusted not to ruin Nature.") is making me specifically remember what I didn't like. :( wtf. Are indigenous people and their land stewardship a joke to you. Where were you when the Dakota Access Pipeline protests were happening last decade. That was a large amount of news. At this point, this is a you problem, Becky Chambers.

Also shoutout to "also tbh I think Becky chambers has also just never gone fishing in her life and was not curious enough about her own concept to research how you're supposed to kill a fish" in the comments section from OP -

Because, as I mentioned earlier, I had the same reaction even in book one!? About doubting if the author actually spent time in nature, or considered nature a lot, or knew much about nature (for a book that... spends time in nature...). Neither the first book's vibes, or this wretched fish thing, are the vibes of people I know who spend time in the wild (as a hobby or professionally).

(Also, I think those people I know, and me, and many other humans, would be miserable being cut off from wild nature. Some things are just in the blood. I was always yearning for the ocean growing up, and I swear it was handed down to me by blood from my mother who grew up on an island. When I finally lived in a place near the ocean and got to be in ocean waters a lot more, I was like YES I AM HOME and happy in my bones. Every time I get too sad it's because I have spent too much time away from ocean and some proper wilderness.)

(and we're not even getting into how much human culture, esp indigenous cultures, have cultural transmissions tied in with nature.)

(Like I know OP's essay was more examining passivity and the implications at large in these books.... Whereas looking back, I think I got stuck on "Humans aren't allowed to go into nature" in book one and I was horrified by this and I never got past this part. This book was a dystopia for me.)

Anyway OP thank you for summarizing the 2nd book, yikes and also that was fun to read.

Also this is all ironic/sad because I actually liked the author's first book! When I read it years ago. (A Long Way to a Small Angry Planet) It was fun! I love me a motley crew of people in space ships becoming friends and having adventures. I had issues with the handling of sex/gender stuff, but at the time I gave it a pass. The rest of the books in that series didn't stand out to me, but I picked up whatever the author wrote anyway. I was disappointed when I picked up these monk robot books more recently. We're not even having, like... having that much fun here :( There's apparently fish dying in bizarre ways.

ykw i am having so much fan watching you be a hater, that i’ve decided to ask for more. PLEASE give us a rant about a book you hated.

Haha aw I'm honored. And uh I hope you don't have any particular attachment to Becky Chambers. Sorry in advance.

But A Psalm for the Wild-Built won a Hugo and I do not get the love. Book 1 was nice enough, yeah. Book 2 had me tearing my hair out.

Sibling Dex is a restless Tea Monk who serves the God of Small comforts on the science-fantasy planet of Panga. I genuinely love the idea of a tea monk - part therapist, part confessor, travels around to the different towns, mixes tea blends for people, lets them talk about their worries and fears and stresses, and gives them, if not advice, then sympathy and a listening ear and some calming tea. This is meaningful work but they're unhappy. After doing this for a while they're still unsatisfied with their life, so they go into the woods searching for self-actualization, and meet a robot named Mosscap, a wild robot that lives in the woods. See, hundreds of years ago, all the robots "woke up" and became sentient one day, then they staged a quiet rebellion against humanity's greed and industrialization by walking into the woods and never coming back. Now, the continent is split in half: humans stay on the Human Side, and robots stay on the Robot Side. The Robot Side is kept wild and humans are discouraged from going in there because humans can't be trusted not to ruin Nature. The rpbots are welcome to come to the Human Side, they just never have. Dex is the first person in a While to venture into the woods of the Robot Side, and the first human since the great walkout to see a robot. Mosscap gives Dex a lot of philosophical pep talks about not pushing themself so hard, about allowing themself to just rest and appreciate the world without feeling like they need to be Providing A Service to justify their existence. It's a nice theme. Underbaked, imo, but nice. Relateable.

Book 2 was a goddamn mess.

Book 1 mostly takes place in the wilderness of the woods, so it's okay if the nice utopian human community Dex comes from was sketchily-built. It Just Works, and everyone Is Just Nice, this is a science-fantasy parable. There were some issues I had with it - like the strict ideological and physical divide between Nature and Humans, and the fact that Dex's religion seems to be the Only Religion In The World, and it's vaguely secular-humanist with the gods being not "really" gods but names given to primordial forces and philosophical concepts, and the religion not really making any demands of its adherents in any way except to become their best selves and devote themselves to what they like... it's potentially interesting, but overall kinda lazy. It felt like Becky Chambers was aware of the idea that having an enlightened-atheist sci-fi utopia is Problematic, so she made there be a central religion, but she also didn't want it to have any of the ~icky~ things religions have, like belief in anything supernatural, or dietary restrictions, or creeds, or codes of behavior, or expectations to make any kind of sacrifice in any way. All the gods "ask" is that humans observe and appreciate the world. But whatever.

In book 2, Dex and Mosscap return to Dex's society, and the book seems to want to explain how the world works, and oh my GOD is Chambers not prepared to do this.

"Observe and appreciate" is all anyone is asked to do. Book 2, A Prayer for the Crown-Shy, is an ode to ultimate virtue of Doing Nothing. There's this attitude I see in a LOT of utopian fiction, where the author is bluntly just not a good enough author to imagine a utopian society where people act like people, so in the world of Panga, utopian society is achieved through 1) homogeneity 2) no one giving a crap about anything.

As far as I can tell, there is the one religion. Most people are Fine with this. Most people are Fine with anything. There are no characters with distinct personalities. There's no money, except there is, except it's not real money and no one will deny you anything if your balance is in the red, even though your balance is available to be seen by anyone - this does not cause any kind of shame or pride or competition in any way, and Dex doesn't understand why it might. There are no hierarchies or governing bodies, people just volunteer to step up when things need doing (this is portrayed as great and not deeply concerning). There are different communities, but in them, everyone is uniformly nice, friendly, and helpful at all times. There are some parts of nature, like the seashore, where people are not allowed to go because they'll ruin the environment, and this is accepted as correct and necessary. Most people live in hippie, pro-recycling, high-tech, end-of-history green communities; there's one group they visit, however, that doesn't trust technology, and lives in a vaguely sci-fi-Amish way. You might think, Dex travelling around with a robot, this might cause conflict! It does not. The people from this community calmly explain their anti-technology position, Dex calmly explains their pro-technology position, and they politely respect each other. "Not bothered either way" is a phrase that turns up in various permutations a lot and is held up as the good, mature, responsible way to be.

There's a scene where they catch a fish for dinner, and instead of killing it, the scifi-Amish guy says "We let the air do that for us, and they let the fish slowly suffocate to death in the air while they all look on solemnly and sadly. This is portrayed as a deep, beautiful moment of them witnessing and honoring the final moments of a living being's life. And not. y'know. them torturing a living being to death so they can keep their own hands clean.

This is what I mean about the valorization of passivity: observing is all you are ever obligated to do. Letting a fish die in the air is better than killing it quickly and humanely, because doing things gets your hands dirty, while letting things simply happen is the Correct way to do it.

At the end, Mosscap and Dex blow off all their promises and appointments and just hang out at the beach chilling out instead, because do what you want forever, you don't have to do shit. This is the happy affirming ending. Mosscap you fucking said you'd meet with the city leaders as the robot ambassador to the humans, did you tell them you were blowing off this commitment because you didn't feel like doing that anymore??? Did you even let them know??????

It is SUCH a baffling book. The theme wants to be "you are more than your job, you deserve to just Be" and ends up feeling like "you don't have to do anything ever, and no one can make you do anything you don't want to do if you don't feel like it, and you don't owe anyone anything and searching for a purpose in your life is just making you stressed out so chill at the beach instead."

The thing that drives me crazy is like. Mosscap cheerfully tells Dex about robots that spend twenty years in a cave watching stalactites form because they think it's beautiful, and those robots are just as much a valued part of society as anyone else. Appreciating beauty and wonder is good enough, you don't need to be productive. And I'm just. fuckin. like. Humans are not robots! Robots don't need to eat or sleep! Humans need food, and clothes, and shelter, and medical care, and if we don't have SOMEONE working to provide that, we Die! Nice as it would be, we CAN'T just all do nothing forever until we feel like it! We can't do that!

And at the same time, the book bizarrely treats wanting a purpose in life as like... almost disordered. If you are seeking a purpose in life it's because you just haven't let go of your guilt and relaxed enough. It's bizarre. Valorization of passivity. Humans aren't meant to be in nature so we just Shouldn't. Doing nothing and having no strong opinions is the most self-affirmed you can possibly be. Letting a fish suffocate is more moral than quickly breaking its neck or spiking its brain. Someone else will do it. Who, if we're all supposed to be resting and only doing what we feel like? Don't worry about it.

"The heart of this book is comfort [...] There is nothing in it that can hurt you." YOU LIAR BECKY CHAMBERS THE FISH SCENE STILL DISTURBS AND UPSETS ME TO THIS DAY

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

So Savanaclaw chapter of Chapter 7 will be divided into 2 parts. That's the first time in Chapter 7. I guess L*ona is getting more story? Wonder if this will be better than Chapter 2

For those who don’t know, the in-game news announcement indicated that the book 7 Savanaclaw update will be conducted in two segments. The first update will be the 22nd this month, and the second update will be the 29th this month. Coincidentally, the 29th is also when the December JP schedule is expected to drop.

This is the first time that a book 7 update (or any main story update, really) has been split up like this. It’s very odd. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the Savanaclaw update will have significantly more story than other updates. It could very well be roughly still the same length of content, but just divided up into two updates to prevent people from speedrunning through a section the devs wanted to be a huge reveal. This would be similar to how they lock parts 2-5 of Halloween events until certain dates, otherwise people would spam lessons until they could read the entire event in one go (which ruins the suspense).

I wonder if the Savanaclaw update being presented this way indicates that the usual dream segment patterns will (finally) change… I hope so, because I personally really dislike how formulaic, redundant, and time-wasting they are 💀 It would be interesting if the fan theory about Leona bring aware he’s dreaming comes true; maybe this would be the cutoff between the updates on the 22nd and 29th. (Like, maybe Jack and Ruggie dreams for the first part, then second part entirely dedicated to Leona attempting to punch his way out of the dream???) Not sure what else could possibly be the reason for this split.

I just pray this update is better than book 2, because it sure would suck to have a reminder at the tail end of the main story about how much the beginning part of it sucked 😔 I don’t think it’s totally feasible to retroactively correct all of book 2’s flaws, but at least let Savanaclaw’s showing in book 7 be strong on its own…

[lu-is-not-ok]

Goddammit the two-in-one theory is even supported by GAMEPLAY MECHANICS

HONG LU'S BASE ID IS SPLIT BETWEEN RUPTURE AND SINKING

Yuuup. I haven't mentioned it on here but yup.

Fun fact, he's the only Base Identity who uses two of the Major Status Effects rather than the usual one!

And just to add to it in case you think that doesn't matter - Faust is the only Base Identity who doesn't inflict any Major Status Effect, and we know she usually sees herself as more of a vessel for the Gesselschaft than a seperate person herself.

So clearly, there has to be Something to it.

[xxacidnekoxx]

I'm thinking about my OCs... yam doggy is in the main polycule too and they're also dating the coffee lady.. I think it would be funny if there was a polycule of 6 people like my little pony..

The coffee character is a shape shifting angel too but isn't a cat he is a barn owl . (Midnight has a barn owl form too) I think midnight met her as owls and they fell in love as birds .. midnight can become any nocturnal animal (midnight also has a bat form and snake form ect)

Coffee doesn't actually split into two smaller coffees like in the illustration I made of her , it was more of a representation of the evolution of the character because I did create the character based on putting two other characters together she's actually just one person

[mechanical-marionette-system]

doing the same as prev bc. I eat rocks or whatever idk

also hey guys we’re back

also also answering in plaintext even tho not shock bc lazy

I’m this really fucked up mix of traumatic and lonelygenic. Like imagine being traumatized and then being left alone for so long that you split like 150 personalities (and probably more fragments) could never be us. Oh wait

a lot

System used to be all introjects except like one guy (who was the “original” lol) now theres like 4 non-introjects

Shock can do what he wants with the place and nobody else can do jack shit

two of em. The first is like 5 versions of Evbo and one other guy and the second is. Have you ever played slay the princess

yea, all of them are dormant tho so it’s hard to remember how many

Me and a whole bunch of other people discovered at around the same time bc Maryland informed us it’s actually not normal to hear voices

I think roles are handy. We would use them if any of us actually fit into specific roles

imma be real I’ve only ever used the shittier wiki on fandom so idk

Simplyplural. Bad abt keeping track tho

kind of. We’re fairly certain that shock kinda fell apart at some point and then formed back together slightly different, but he’s always been the host.

Mechanical Marionette System. (You never would’ve guessed lol) not saying why we picked it tho cause it kinda sucks to talk about

Robots, cats, monsters, all sorts of guys. And even most of the humanoid ones aren’t fully human, I think

Shock says there’s a cat or two who hang out around his personal part of headspace, but I haven’t been there yet, so I can’t confirm or deny the truth of that

Hhh. I don’t actually know shit abt myself yet (I formed two days ago shut your fuck up) but shock, who is in co-con, marches instead of walking normally for some fucking reason (it’s because of mcr brainrot) (what the fuck is mcr)

No.

Well yk how shock used to run like 8 million gimmick blogs? He thought Yahooo and Evil Yahoo Mail were headmates for a while (they were, in fact, not. Shock just gets way too into roleplaying.)

I mean I wouldn’t say we have like. Any talents that not everyone can do at least a little, but we do all have slightly different handwriting (shock writes in cursive cause he’s working on his cursive so he has much fancier writing than everyone else rn)

idk, not anything specific

see the above

I mean I don’t really know I formed like 2 days ago and I know a total of like 5 people

I don’t think so (I also don’t know)

this is actually killing me dude I don’t know these yet I formed 2 day ago

Not really. Shock says he’s been happy with the way we are, and probably will continue to be unless something crazy irrevocably changes things

funny thing- we all participate in each other’s fandoms, but few of us participate in our own.

i mean. I’m pretty sure all of us are atheist except for like. Shock, Tommy, and maybe Q. (And that other guy who’s like halfway between being a fragment and fully formed rn) we just kinda cope ig cause shock got the body to be an essential part of the local faith community and we can’t really leave without fucking a few people over now

I’m guessing we’ll let shock handle those things. Or maybe hold a vote if there’s any real discourse over it

not really. I mean I think shock wants to decorate headspace for Christmas but the system only formed like a year and a half ago, so we really just haven’t had time to start any

no (body’s dad took Spotify off our phone like 2 days before I formed ): )

not any that’s good enough to share. YET

i mean. Most of us get along well or just don’t talk, but on the rare occasions that real fights happen, Shock uses his superior command of headspace to break it up.

not really, other than the fact that I’m a lot more mentally distinct than some of the others. I mean some other guys have things like that tho (shock marches and writes in cursive a lot, Tommy and the long quiet subsystem are British)

we don’t, but if we did I don’t think they would use it if for no other reason then that it’s a bit difficult to read.

cat (: also wrote the first half of this post

a mix of both. Nobody has a unique interest, but not everyone has all the interests, I guess?

Slay the princess, if the subsystem counts each member separately, or undertale /deltarune if not

caitie

no

Bonezz. Xe was the first non-introject (other than shock)

well kinda

aroace

idk, probably one of the masc-aligning ones

aroace. All of us

simplyplural

yeah, to a degree

depends on circumstance

we experience a shotload of non-system-related amnesia but no system-related amnesia. Which is funny cause it’s the opposite for most people, I think

idk shock does all sorts of batshit crazy things all the time

hbbh. Vanilla probably

shock is dead scared of bugs, even the harmless ones

hmmmmm… orange (“but petey!” You might say. “Orange isn’t an aesthetic-“ fuck you, it is now)

not that we can tell

nope

we don’t have any syskids, but if we did I’m guessing we would all share that responsibility.

nah

i mean. We really don’t tend to switch when we’re in the middle of something, not sure why (although we’ve switched like 8 times while filling this out but shut up) so I don’t really know.

yeah, usually. Especially without amnesia barriers, it’s kind of hard to tell when we’ve switched.

often. It usually just means there’s like a million people co-fronting for us, though, so we just. Idk deal with it

no. Well. Not really

don’t have rn, may add later

Long system ask game!

Because it's been ages since we made one and we felt like it.

What type of system are you?

How many people are there in your system?

Do you have more introjects or non-introjects?

How much control do you have over your headspace (if you have one)?

Do you have any subsystems?

Do you have any in-system couples?

How did you discover your systemhood? Or did you become one on purpose?

How do you feel about system roles, and do you use them?

What are your thoughts on Pluralpedia?

Do you use anything to keep track of switching?

Have you ever had a change in hosts?

Do you have a system name? How did you pick it?

Do you have any nonhuman members? Feel free to list their species!

Do you have any headspace pets?

Current fronter/fronters, share some random info about you!

Do you have a partner system? How did you meet?

Have you ever mistaken a character of yours for a headmate? What about the other way around?

Does anyone have any skills that the others don't?

What's something y'all tend to agree on?

What about something you tend to disagree on?

Do symptoms of neurodivergencies/mental illness tend to manifest the same way or differently among headmates?

Do you have any syskids?

Share an in-system joke!

Has how you view your plurality changed?

If you have fictives, do they participate in their source fandom? If yes, are they open about who they are in fandom spaces?

How do you handle headmates having different spiritual beliefs?

How do you decide on major life decisions (where to live, what to study, what work to have, etc)?

Do you have any system traditons?

Current fronter, do you have your own playlist? Feel free to share it!

Do you have any art of anyone in the system? Feel free to show it off!

How do you handle it when people in the system don't get along?

Current fronter, is there anything that makes it obvious you're the one fronting? (Voice, accent, body language, typing style, etc)

If you have syskids, how do they feel about stereotypical "babby tawk"?

Share something about your newest member!

Do you tend to have collective or separate interests and hobbies?

If you have introjects, what source do you have the most from?

Are you out as plural to anyone irl?

Do you know any systems irl?

Which headmate was the biggest surprise?

Do you have a singletsona?

Do you have any collective labels?

What's the most common gender in your system?

What's the most common sexuality in your system?

What's your favorite app/website/etc for plural stuff?

Do you tend to have the same taste in food or not?

Is it hard or easy for you to switch?

Do you experience system-related amnesia?

Share something weird a headmate has done!

Current fronter, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?

Share a silly fear someone in the system has!

Current fronter, describe your aesthetic!

If you have outworld pets, do they tend to act differently around different headmates?

Has anyone ever figured out you were a system without you telling them?

When it comes to syskids, is there anyone in particular that takes care of them?

Does anyone in the system identify as otherkin, therian, or fictionkin?

Have you ever switched in an awkward moment? What happened?

Do you ever switch without realizing it?

Are you ever blurry? How do you handle it?

Has anyone ever treated an introject badly because of who their source is?

Current fronter, share a pic of your "face claim!"

[oimitocat]

TSWCP — CHAPTER 1

lee minho x m!reader

chapter summary; minho shouldn’t think of you as more than his friend, but he can’t help it. unknowing that it’s vice versa, he just tries to stay as good as a friend as he has been. not aware that you feel for him too. yet, the two of you keep deceiving yourselves.

content warning; subtle internalized homophobia + subtle insecurity + tension + constant change of pov (mainly minho’s)

content genre; idol au + actor au + fluff + slight angst + 9th member! reader

word count — 6.5k | m.list | a/n; enjoy ;)

minho doesn’t like the term crush. the word feels like an impossible possibility to something more with the person you have feelings for. he won’t say it out loud but he also doesn’t deny that he has feelings. sure, he acts cold and annoying and-

“-and weird but it’s okay. we like you just the way you are,” you say with a grin.

minho rolls his eyes at you. even if he’s all of those things, he shows love in his own way. he shows he cares in his own way. everyone knows this, members and fans alike. you could say his love language is acts of service. he won’t say it of course, he’ll deny anything and everything. the main thing he’s trying to deny right now is that he has a crush on you. his delusional self says it’s not a crush, it’s an actual feeling he knows can turn into reality. his other half is telling him he’s stupid if he thinks anything will happen.

after all there are a lot of factors he takes into consideration. the main two being– how conservative his country is and the idea he has created in his head that you would never look at him the way he hopes. it’s absurd, anyone would say, it’s clear as day how the two of you look at each other. minho has seen the ship tweets on twitter and videos or their “chemistry”. yet, he doesn’t see what everyone else sees… and he doesn’t realize it’s because of his fear.

his fear is acting out on his feelings genuinely and not for fan service. despite knowing he enjoys faking it so much.

that’s something you obviously don’t know. you silently preen at him when he walks past you and bats his pretty eyes at you. the nine of you are at a show. well, you’re all wrapping up. minho is in your eyesight at all times, unknowingly. you watch as he talks with felix about what they had just done. you always take in as much as you can, during promotions it’s harder to be… intimate.

“okay,” you say to yourself, rolling your eyes at yourself for the impure thought you had for a split second.

that definitely wasn’t the word but you also think it fits best. there’s just something more personal of being with minho alone in the comfort of your dorms. not just with minho, with everyone. you care for everyone the same. you watch out for everyone the same, it’s a dynamic you love. you know your fans love that side of you too; that caring and loving side you show towards the members. especially towards minho, the fans go crazy when you two are a little touchy & lovey.

at some point, the fan service wasn’t just fan service for you. you actually meant what you did.

there are things you take pride in. you take pride in your career, your honed skills- both in dancing and acting. you’re proud of your education accomplishments. you have reasons to be confident and you have a way of handling things that many point out and praise you for. still, you remain humble and only flex when needed.

hence, those are things that minho loves about you.

“s/n-ssi,” the host calls out, “could you record a video for us talking about your experience in the show?”

minho watches how you pause. he finds it adorable how your eyes widen.

“by myself?” you ask, cautious.

“you could invite one more member.”

he looks away the second your eyes fall on him. he plays dumb, like he’s already in his own business. yet, extremely aware of how you walk up to him. he braces himself for the question, yet, it doesn’t come. instead, you grab his hand and start to drag him. he should’ve known.

“y/n,” he groans.

you laugh, the sound bouncing around his head at how beautiful it is. he loves your laugh. “come on lee know,” he teases, “we gotta do our job.”

“it’s very quick,” the host says when the two of you join him with the camera man.

minho forces a smile. it indeed is a very quick recording. he doesn’t talk at all, simply listens to you and nods. the whole time it’s just you talking, but you’re hyper aware of minho next to you. the second, however, he looks at you, you stutter.

“-and i- no we- have not i mean, will- lee know why are you looking at me like that,” you accuse.

minho blinks, ears going red when he’s caught staring. he had hoped it wasn’t too obvious, he only tried to glance at you. guess he just couldn’t keep his eyes away from you even if he tried.

the host simply laughs and urges you to continue. minho, teasingly, keeps staring at you. you look at the ceiling as you keep talking, wrapping it up quick.

“ah, s/n-ssi it’s almost like you were rapping at the end there,” the host laughs.

“well you did say wrap it up, get it?”

minho makes a face of disgust. “please don’t,” he utters while the camera man and the host laugh at your witty humor.

later, when the episode airs, minho can’t help but watch the final part when you and him were “interviewed”. he obviously didn’t say much, he doesn’t focus on anything except you. how you smile as you talk, how you cracked up the ugliest joke known to humankind.

“-but it’s okay, we like you just the way you are,” he says at the end of the video and the editors have the joy to cue back at what y/n had said about him in the show.

he gives the video a like and goes to sleep.

the thing about promotions is that there is little time to yourself. it’s where you have the most cameras on you. it’s where you have the least sleep. that doesn’t really stop any of you from being any different, your group is known for being the way you are on cameras as you are off cameras.

you really dislikes the lack of sleep though. it’s a known fact it makes you grumpy. you already have a rbf, so the sleep fatigue makes it worse.

“you got pain killers?”

minho looks at you before shaking his head. you groan, closing your eyes and slumping into your seat. the van is full of four members aside from yourself. jisung is sleeping in the middle row seats, you really envy him.

“you can lean on me if you want to fall asleep,” he offers, his heart racing.

“no cus then you’ll fall asleep and blame me for making it an uncomfortable nap.”

minho laughs, absolutely enamored with how truthful that was. “yeah but you had less sleep than me, didn’t you go recite the script they sent in for the drama they casted you for?”

you hum, eyes closed. “yeah, it’s not that bad though. my lines are a mix of english and korean, super helpful.”

“oh wow,” he watches you, enjoying how exposed your neck is since you have it tilted back into the seat’s headrest. “fans will go crazy.”

you snort, “they go crazy regardless.”

that’s true.

he goes crazy too.

he falls silent, looking forward and listening to the sound of your breathing. you ended up humming softly, something you do when you’re trying to stay awake. he messes with the bag on his lap. he truly worries for you, shooting a drama takes out so much from you. he remembers how exhausted you were last time despite only appearing in the drama for 5 episodes and not the whole season.

“have they told you how long shooting will take?”

you sigh, never once opening your eyes. you cross your arms over your chest, “about six months.” minho’s brows shoot up, “minimum.”

“oh damn,” he watches as you swallow, not concealing how attentive he is to your adam’s apple. “when do you start?”

“next month, but they won’t air any of the trailers until… what month are we in?”

“august,” he says.

“like around march?”

“we have a comeback around that time…” minho frowns, “is the company going to make you sit back?”

“like hell i will, even if they offer it, i’m not stopping my activities with the group over a drama, i can handle it.”

minho says nothing, knowing that when you decide on something no one can change your mind. there’s a reason fans compare you to chan, feared by jyp due to the potential and privileges you two have. exceptional workers. minho loves seeing that stubborn side of you. it’s amusing during games, it’s hot during tense conversations with management and it’s enamoring when you talk to him about your plans.

only he knows even the most intimate details of you. your past and what you dream for your future.

he knows you can handle it… but only to an extent. you’re dear to him, anyone with eyes can see it. even when the members speak about who minho has a soft spot for- you are among the short list.

it’s a mutual thing, recognizable for the eye to see… just not for the two of you.

anyone else sees it.

they see how you look at minho as if he hangs the stars. they see how he looks at you with soft eyes, like you hold the world.

“we start working on recordings tomorrow,” he comments.

“i know.”

minho opens his bag and and pulls out a water bottle. he uncaps it and hands it to you, nudging your elbow with it. you open your eyes, raise your head and look at him questioningly. he eyes you, nudging you once more with the bottle. it’s a silent order, so you take it. your eyes follow down to his hands as he pulls out-

“YOU DID HAVE PILLS!”

“y/n~! shut up!” jisung groans.

you take pride in many things. minho knows what they are.

“one - two - three, four, five - six a~nd seven,” minho recites rhythmically as he watches you through the mirror.

you started shooting the drama last week and you’re behind. the company enforces the group to practice the b side that will be promoted, for those are the ones 3RACHA decide first, the title track always being hard to choose.

you’re one of the main dancers. minho loves seeing you pour everything you have into your dance. the way your limbs move with both grace and power is something he enjoys watching.

he claps his hands and turns to you, “want to do it with music?”

you grimace but nod. doing it with music isn’t the same as practicing it without it. you have to learn how to synchronize the beats of your steps to the music. you learned that confidence is key, nine out of ten times , if you do things with confidence, you are bound to do it right. so you color no one surprised when you get it right. minho smiles at you, patting your arm in praise.

“good! now the chorus,” minho laughs.

you smile, watching him wipe the sweat off his forehead. he has no makeup on and you find that minho without makeup is the prettiest. you get to see his natural flush, he radiates something more when he’s without makeup. something beautiful.

“what?” he asks when he sees you haven’t moved.

“huh?” you blink, looking away.

he doesn’t say anything. he stares at you before bring the back of his hand to his cheek. they’re warm. ugh, he hates how visible his flusteredness gets when he’s without makeup. he shouldn’t overthink things either. you probably were staring at him because of how sweaty he is, nothing more. you have too many things in your mind, you have better things to think about. at the end of the day, he knows you would never look at him the way he wants.

“need a break?” you ask and he snaps out of it.

“eh? hey, i should be asking you that!” he gently shoves you.

you snort, “i’m the most talented person on this earth. i can handle anything.”

minho narrows his eyes and says nothing. the playfulness leaves as he takes in your tired eyes.

“how’s the drama coming along?” he asks softly as he sits on the floor.

you copy him, shrugging. “it’s going. the first few shots are the hardest in my opinion, because you have to make the most impact in the first two episodes. the directors are a little harsh on the female actors… i kinda don’t like that but i can’t do much about that..”

minho frowns, “have they upset you? the directors?”

“nah, i mean i am still new to the whole main lead thing, so i do need a little help here and there but other than that all good.” you smile.

minho nods, understanding. he stares at you, catching a glimpse of something in your eyes. he knows it too well. he can’t even get away before you tackle him.

“yah!” he yells, underneath your weight, “y/n!”

“ye~s?” you laugh, caging him under your arms.

“get off!” he demands, trying to push you off.

another thing about you is that you have a sleeper’s build. you don’t seem very strong but you are. certain clothes grant people to see that you are actually built, while others hide what your physique is. no one truly knows your strength until you show it. like now, minho himself is pretty strong but you always beat him.

“hm, how about no.”

“yah!”

“ah, you’re getting red!”

“i am not!”

you laugh before levitating yourself a bit, letting him breathe. he looks so pretty, now that you fully look down. with his hair fanned across the floor, his face a little red, his chest rising as he catches his breath. gorgeous.

then you lower yourself once more. he grunts.

“do not do push ups on top of me! you’re heavy!”

“how rude,” you pout as you lower yourself down again.

you’re so, so close! he swallows and lets out a soft, shuddered breath as you grin down at him. why do you have to be so good looking? he can’t even keep fighting you, he feels so weak underneath you. he closes his eyes when your face is inches away from his. he turns his head to the side, grunting when you put all your weight on him again.

he knows you’re messing with him, but his dirty mind can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have you on top of him. in a very different way, to have you lean down on him.

“are you guys practicing?” felix asks as he comes in, smiling brightly.

hyunjin comes after, looking directly at the two of you. “yah! what are you doing?”

“was just messing around,” you say with a wide smile as you roll off of minho.

minho says nothing, swallowing down the whimper he had wanted to let out when you got off of him. why does he like you so much? you’re the worst. for what, minho? for not liking you back? he thinks annoyingly.

felix tackles y/n to the ground. hyunjin sits down. minho hates how annoyed he is that they came in. it was supposed to just be you and him all night practicing. he wanted to be the main one to teach you the choreographies. he wanted to bask in your presence for as long as he could tonight before not seeing you all day tomorrow.

“how’s the drama coming? do you have any clips?” hyunjin asks, excited.

you cradle felix in your lap and peer over his shoulder. “i have one from today,” you point at your bag, “my phone’s in there, can you hand it to me?”

hyunjin scrambles to do so. he’s a big drama fanatic and knowing you’ll be acting in one as the main lead, he’s extremely excited. he won’t stop talking about it nonstop if anyone gives him the opportunity to do so. when you pull up the recording, he peers over hyunjin’s shoulder. minho would say he’s your number one fan- well, he won’t say it out loud but he is.

seeing you with your prop outfit does things to his heart. your hairstyle is clean, not exactly slicked back but something that compliments your face so much and exposes more of it. you look handsome, more so when you yell out a line, the other actors displaying fear from your outburst. the camera expands out to the room and a woman is sitting across the table from where you are at the end.

with a gasp, hyunjin asks, “WHO’S THAT?”

minho looks at you from under his lashes, wondering the same thing.

“that’s the female lead,” you pause, “you want her korean name or her english name?”

minho’s brows twitch from a furrow to neutral at the question.

“why do you know both?” felix snorts.

“everyone knows ours,” you argue.

“fair.”

“whichever,” hyunjin awaits.

“lee gayoung,” you say casually, “i’m pretty sure she’s done second female lead for two dramas before this.”

“what’s the plot about again?” hyunjin asks

“it’s kinda based on ancient mythology but the leads shift from modern times to ancient times. i’m not going to say much, the posters are about to come out,” you chuckle.

minho stares back at your phone as hyunjin hits play for the video to continue. the panel zooms in to the female lead, showing her dead serious expression.

“she’s so pretty,” hyunjin breathes out. “damn, some good actors were casted!”

“of course, i’m one of them,” you huff and tilt your chin up.

minho stares at the actress before the director yells out ‘cut!’ and whoever is holding the phone screams and moves the phone away from the screen where they were recording the shot. it panels to y/n walking away with a shy smile as staff members cheer.

“who was recording?” minho finds himself asking.

“huh? oh, some staff member,” you shrug.

there’s a bitter sensation in minho’s throat. he knows how popular you are with the ladies. you’re too friendly towards them without even meaning to. regardless of gender, he sees how others look at you— during award shows, music shows, interviews, wherever. you turn heads without knowing.

“we should keep practicing,” he says, catching your attention as well as hyunjin and felix’s.

“yeah we should,” you sigh, shoving felix off of you playfully.

yet, you couldn’t help but notice how only felix and hyunjin were teaching you more than minho. as if minho had distanced himself.

it’s probably just your tired mind making that up though,,,right?

on the odd times you have off, minho makes the most of it. his schedule isn’t as busy as yours, hence, it’s not hard for him to move some things around when you announce that you have an evening off. he quickly tells you to be ready to help him in the kitchen.

“cake?” you complain, “i’m feeling cheese danishes.”

minho scoops up a bit of cake frosting with his finger from the bowl and inspects it. “then make them. you’re the l/n y/n, you know how to do anything.” he smears it on your cheek. “don’t ya?”

“hey!” you immediately take a full hand of frosting and smear it all over his face.

he gasps and screams. his hands fly to grab your wrist and tug on it to get away from his face.

“i have to buy an ingredient, want to come with me?”

he glares at you as once he successfully wipes off the frosting from his eyes. “no.”

“what?” you gasp, “why not?”

“HELLO? YOU SMEARED A HANDFUL OF FROSTING IN MY FACE.”

“wash it off,” you huff. you stare at him as he furiously wipes his face with a towel. “or let me wash it for you.”

minho pauses, he turns to you before narrowing his eyes. “okay.”

“i knew you couldn’t resist me-“

“FORGET IT!”

you laugh as you tussle him to the kitchen sink. he’s strangely pliant as you gently bend him forward and run the faucet. he grumbles as you furiously wash his face, playful and annoying him. yet, you actually took your time and went gentle after a few seconds. wiping away at every crevice on his face, watching how his features don’t soften in case you try to pull something.

just as you close the faucet, you cup his face and squish it. he glares at you before pulling away and saying he’ll go in his current clothes while hanging up the apron.

“hai,” you announce as you pick up your wallet and keys.

the nearest grocery store isn’t far, maybe ten minutes by foot. minho enjoys these small moments, especially when he knows a busy schedule is coming up. the two of you had always had a strong bond, almost the way he has one with jisung. except you’re just a lot more special to him.

“what did we not have that you’re getting?” he asks as he looks over at you.

you look amazing under the lights. it’s slightly dark already, he loved seeing you in good lighting when you’re in nothing but a black top and grey sweats. his favorite look on you, call him basic, he’s a sucker for you in almost anything anyway.

“just the dough. we have cream cheese and vanilla and everything else, just not the dough. i’m just buying one that’s ready to be in the oven.”

“hm? why not from scratch?”

“you think i want to do all that?” you ask like you’re offended.

minho pauses, staring at you as the two of you keep walking. he knows you mean well, yet it starts to dawn on him that you’re tired. you’re stressing with all the responsibilities and obligations you have on your shoulders. it’s been a week or two since you’ve actually even had an evening off. it’s almost the end of february, the weather is still chilly and he finds himself walking closer to you for warmth.

“you could’ve rested tonight,” he says softly, staring at the pavement as the two of you walk.

you sigh, “if i didn’t spend time with your or any of the members i would’ve been memorizing more of my script.”

minho’s heart sinks. you want an escape. yet, the thought of that warms him up at the same time.

“sorry… i do appreciate you spending your time with me,” he says, remembering your laugh from earlier when you smeared frosting on his face.

you pause, looking over at him. “is the lee minho saying something nice?”

“you know what-“ and minho turns around to walk the way the two of had came from.

“wha- hey!” you laugh and grab his arm, trying to pull him back but due to the lack of strength into it, he drags you instead.

minho knows you know he’s playing, still he would’ve liked it if you put in your strength and-

you yank him back and spin him around. he stumbles and falls into your chest. unsure of how he ended up in this position, he freezes. you wrap your arms around him, engulfing his slightly smaller frame into your body. for a moment, minho forgot how chilly it is.

“i’m fine, minho.” you say softly, “don’t worry about me, okay? let’s just do what we always do…”

minho swallows, the worry he’s been hiding coming to the surface. “okay.” he says in defeat, realizing he would’ve argued for you to get more rest and take care of yourself.

but he knows you. you don’t really like having people worry over you… it’s some sort of mental thing you have. you care for him because he understands you.

without another comment, the two of you go to the grocery and get what you need. you also spoil him. he knows you’ll never say no to him either. most of the time that he asks for anything is just to mess with you.

“can i get that?” and it would be a weird drink with a flavor you’ve never seen or heard.

“that?” and it’d be a random fruit.

“that too?” and it’d be a bag of your favorite chips.

“oh, i want that too.” and it’d be something he doesn’t need, like a pretty plate.

“we should get that.” and he finally just holds up two push pops.

at the end of the day he’s preening at how you always spend on him on stuff as useless as a plant that no one would have time to take care of. it happened before and you playfully held a grudge about it. to the fans it’s a funny grudge you still hold but the members know you’re playing about it.

“blegh, that’s disgusting,” you grimace as you spit out what you just tasted.

minho laughs evilly, enjoying your expression after tasting the drink he had chosen. this time you two are taking a different route back to the dorms. it’s safer to never go the same path twice in one day in case of sasaengs.

“i think it’s okay,” he lies, taking another sip.

“liar,” you huff.

he shrugs, chugging it down and throwing it in the nearest trash can. there’s a bus stop coming up, he notices your face on a poster. without a comment, he jogs up to it, coming face to face with it. you catch up, finding your spot next to him. you stare at the poster, not really caring for it but wondering what has minho so intrigued.

“you kissed her already?” he asks, soft and almost… actually you can’t make out that tone.

before him, is a large poster of you and gayoung, you’re holding her face, extremely close to your own. lips almost touching, actually he thinks they are touching, he just doesn’t want to believe it. he knows you’re bound to kiss at some point but.. already? her hands are comfortably on your chest and her eyes look up at you with the most enamored eyes ever.

“yeah, they wanted something raw for the posters, so we… kinda made out before almost pulling away and that’s how they got that shot.”

minho nods, “looks like you liked it too.” he says, mustering as much of a playful tease as he can.

you seemed to have believed it, “awe hell nah, i’m just doing what i’m getting paid for. oh! i think hyunjin is really going to love the poster designs though, cus see how under us kissing is a blended out scope of water with a boat and cherry trees? the scenery is beautiful for this drama, i think you guys would enjoy that more.”

he simply nods, eyeing gayoung’s enamored expression one more time before looking at your face on the poster. where she looks lovestruck and soft, your eyes seem like they’re burning with protection and desire. as if she was yours.

“yeah,” he says, looking away. “i’m sure we will..”

and no, he’s not jealous. that’s…. he swallows and clutches the push pop in his hand, that’s not what it is.

things are strange.

maybe you wouldn’t have noticed if seungmin didn’t point it out. the nine of you were recording an ep of family skz. you were the single uncle and the gag was that you and jisung liked lina.

“doesn’t minho look like gayoung with that wig?” you joke to hyunjin while on a small break from shooting.

“watch it, he’ll probably not talk to you for sure if he heard that,” seungmin says from behind.

“huh?” you turn to seungmin, unsure of why he sounded dead serious.

hyunjin snorts, “mm, for real. he’s already distant with you.”

“eh?” you turn to hyunjin now.

what are they on about?

“ever since the first trailer came out, he’s been ignoring you. said something about you being too busy to talk.”

that’s weird, just yesterday minho left an energy drink (your favorite one too) on your nightstand when you woke up to start your day. it’s strange, he indeed has not talked to you but he interacts with you in a different, silent way.

when recording starts back up, you try to interact with lina’s character but she (read:he) blatantly ignores you. at some point you complain to seungmin.

“yah, your wife isn’t being very respectful, she won’t answer me.”

“and why should i talk to anyone other than my husband?” lina sneers, leaning near seungmin.

seungmin blinks, “my wife is a free spirit.”

everyone laughs. later, as you’re all playing some sort of game of hide and seek (technically it’s two people blindfolded and everyone avoids getting hit with a wooden spoon). seungmin and hyunjin are the ones being blindfolded, you quickly jump over the couch to make it to the other side when hyunjin swings towards you. minho, who was running from seungmin bumps into you.

“oops-“ minho goes but slaps a hand over his mouth when seungmin spins around at the sound.

he pushes you further, so that you two could avoid getting caught. you look down at his pretty face as he pushes you to the wall and the two of you stand in the corner. he looks up at you and you can’t help but smile.

he narrows his eyes at you before looking away. you just keep staring at him.

the shooting continues and at the end the timer goes out and only hyunjin couldn’t catch anyone. seungmin caught two people, jeongin and you. you because lina had the nerve to make a sound and push you towards seungmin. you couldn’t really be upset, because the way he batted his pretty lashes at you as he basically handed you over to seungmin is something you engraved into your brain.

after the shooting you had to quickly change out of your prop clothes and pack up your things to go to the drama shooting site. it’s around noon already, minho watches you from afar as you rush to get your things while your manager fills in the other manager about the day’s schedule.

and that’s how you’ve lived the past week and a half. here and there. from one site to another. from one van to another. barely eating and resting. although you eat good portions when you do get the chance to eat. you needed to maintain your body after all.

he watches how everyone bids you farewell. he wants to as well, but the guilt of liking you more than as a friend makes him stop in his tracks. he settles to grab his pack and pack up his bag and any other things he had taken out. he makes sure his charger is there, his water bottle-

he freezes when an arm wraps around him and a body presses against his side.

“bye, min,” you say softly, “see you tomorrow at practice.”

he looks over at you, eyes slightly wide. now, up close after days of seeing you from a distance. “bye.. will you make it on time to practice?”

you think as you let him go, “i think so, i hope so.” you smile at him.

his heart churns, you still do your best to look lively despite how tired you are.

“okay, see you tomorrow,” he says.

and you go on to your next schedule.

he doesn’t get to see you at practice. the choreographer isn’t very happy about it, everyone's a little tense from his bitter mood. he even goes as far as rechecking with the manager if you’ll be performing the promotions with them. minho can’t help but imagine the pressure you have.

after about four hours of practice, you barge in. your manager trailing behind and giving both the groups manager and choreographer a rundown of the tardiness.

“i know you have things to do but when you’re in the practice room please do everything you can to do what you’re in here for,” the choreographer says gently, but everyone knows it’s passive aggressive.

you don’t look happy either, minho knows you. so after two hours of straight practice, you’re all finally given a break. you indeed did catch up, minho admires how determined you are. there’s just so many things he loves and appreciates about you.

“did recording not go well?” he asks softly as he sits next to you on the floor.

everyone is spread about, either laying on the floor or sitting.

your eyes are narrow, a sign that you’re in a bitter mood. “yeah, the other main cast kept messing up and we had to redo so many shots. me and gayoung got behind because of them, like-“

and you rant, your frustration evident. you’re tired, hungry, annoyed- of course you’re not happy. plus the choreographer’s bitter mood, you’re just not catching a break at all.

minho really can’t stay away from you. as much as he feels the conviction to keep distance due to these burning emotions, he just can’t.

“what was the scene you had to redo?”

“it’s too many of them, but the main one was where me and gayoung had to-“

“okay time’s up!” the choreographer yells out as he comes back.

“i’ll tell you later,” you say exhaustedly while getting up.

you don’t get to tell minho later. the choreographer makes you stay back two more hours to practice without the others. minho was reluctant, trying to talk to the choreographer to stay back with felix to help out but he was shut down. you reassured him that you’ll be fine.

you always are.

when you finally go back to the dorms, you’re on the verge of passing out. you like hygiene, but tonight you had no strength left in you. you don’t brush your teeth, you don’t shower. you just plop down on your bed after setting your alarm. sleep consumes you immediately, the discomfort of your skin sticky from sweat gone in an instant.

your alarm rings five hours later, your eyelids are heavy. you groan, whining into your pillow before forcefully pushing yourself off your bed. it’s 4 in the morning. you have to leave for the site at 5:30.

you rush around, grabbing your clothes before hopping into the shower. finally, you wash off last nights sweat, you brush your teeth and wash your face harshly to wake up. cold water wakes you up, but also makes you get so sleepy after you get out. still, you have a long day ahead of you.

it’s 5:20 when you finally get out your room. your backpack is bouncing off your back as you rush out to the kitchen. you stocked up in energy drinks two days ago-

“ah, minho,” you say, startled to see him at the fridge.

he perks up and closes the fridge. “i made you food… you should eat something before leaving-“

“the van will be here in,” you glance down at your watch, “8 minutes.”

“then take it and finish it in the van,” he argues, walking to the table and handing you the bowl of rice and sausage-

you stare at the plate before looking at him. “you made… octopus sausage?”

he shrugs, ignoring that you were implying how cute the act is. he could have just fried the sausage as it is but he went out of the way to make them look cute.

you smile, exhausted but touched by the action. “thanks min… i’ll see you.”

“you’re okay though?” he asks.

“huh?” you look at him confused as you shove an octopus sausage in your mouth.

while you chew, he explains, ignoring how cute you look with your mouth stuffed. “the first episode is airing today, meaning your on the final episodes of the season… you’ve been more at the site and practice room and studio than here…”

you stand up straight, looking away. “yeah i’m good… after recording is over i’ll be fully focused on our comeback…”

“y/n, you have like what, five episodes left? by the time we have our comeback you’ll still have two left… how are you fitting that?”

“i got it! i promise,” you assure before your phone rings. “ah, shit i gotta go- bye! thanks for the food!”

he sighs and watches you dash out.

weeks pass by, he sees you during the showcases. he sees how you rarely engage with anyone during behind the scenes. all he sees is a hollow shell acting in every part of life. you practiced until late at night. you're in a whole separate van. you have no life for a solid month. the exhaustion is so evident in you, everyone is worried. minho especially.

the drama is a hit. he knows so, hyunjin won’t shut up about it.

“yah, i know you like it but i think y/n is tired of hearing it,” he says annoyed.

hyunjin stops talking. he becomes guilty when you look over at minho and him from the chair where the stylist is getting you ready.

“it’s fine, min, i know the drama is good, i’m in it after all.” you joke.

minho stares at you. you’re so…. ugh he hates that he likes you. he just wants to hug you and cherish you and help you find rest in him. even when you’re in such a state you muster up jokes.

everyone sees those qualities of yours.

whenever he walks down the halls of the showcase buildings, idols and staff alike chat about you. if not you, then the drama. if not the drama, then the comeback.

he’s standing before a vending machine, waiting for the energy drink to drop, when he hears a giggle from beside.

“yah… s/n-sunbaenim looks very close with gayoung-ssi. i heard they have feelings for each other.”

“stop! i wouldn’t be surprised! at the press conference they looked so enchanted with each other!”

“plus they sat together! she wouldn’t stop accidentally touching his hand!”

the two girls squeal with excitement at the thought. minho’s brain goes blank just as the drink drops into the deposit.

“here,” he says with a brute tone as he hands you the energy drink.

“huh? oh, thanks you didn’t have to…” you trail off as he walks away.

that’s… strange. you stare at his figure before looking down at the can. minho felt different just now, but you quickly discard the worry.

minho wastes no time to check blogs when he’s in the van that takes them to the dorms. he’s tired but his curiosity is burning. indeed, after minutes of searching and looking, he finds pictures and videos that only fuel the rumor further. gayoung looks beautiful next to you. a clip of you taking out a peck of lint from her hair before a photoshoot that was done before the press conference. the way you smiled at her cheekily when she’d brush her fingers against yours when she’d go for the mic you two shared.

the way she’d chat with you and make you laugh.

when was the last time he had made you laugh?

your dynamic with her seems so much as what yours is- was with him.

and minho is reminded once more, how much potential you and gayoung have together.

🏷️ TAG LIST — @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @gnusihcom

©OIMITOCAT

©VICTORBUTNOTREALLY

[wwillywonka]

can i just say. obsessed with silco being literally split in two/two-faced and how that literalizes the two conflicting, co-existing personalities within him. how he has this one side that’s feared, how he projects to the world the spitting image of confidence and power. how he creates a literal drug to control people and make them dependent on him because it's the only way he can create something stronger than the people who have hurt him in the past, his only way to get revenge. but then there’s this other side, this other SELF, that’s hidden but always present. how he tells vander in s1e3 that he doesn't hate him anymore but respects him. that he’s doing everything out of a promise to himself to stand for peace and what he thinks is a better world despite being wronged over and over and over by the universe. how at his core, he does what he does out of his love for jinx and the parental need to protect her and the other children of zaun because he sees so much of himself in her, how he wants to leave behind a better world for the next generations. how he despises vander for abandoning their vision and thinks he’s the only person who can fix it, so he takes the weight of the world onto his own shoulders and acts as if he alone understands what it's like to live in constant pain, both physical and mental. how he spends every second trying to will away the weak parts of himself. that he himself is victim to the addiction caused by the usage of shimmer because of his eye, how HE becomes dependent on the drug, that his soft side becomes dependent on his villainous side for survival lest someone (jinx) find his vulnerable core and destroy him from the inside out. how this physical chronic ailment is the one thing in his life that he can’t control. how The Eye of Zaun is simply that, a symbol, and there exists a very real man behind it. i need to be sedated.

[delulustateofmind]

JJK x Reader: Love is a cruel thing, isn't it?

Characters: Satoru, Suguru, Nanami, Shoko

TW: ANGST, open endings?, Being mean to the people we love, established relationships.

WC: 3.3k

a/n: I started writing, "I bite" annddddd this is what you all got. Heavy angst. Non-yandere for once! A collection of mini-angst fics.

Satoru: Runaway

The traditional bride’s suite of the Gojo estate felt like a prison, the air thick and oppressive despite the delicate floral fragrance drifting in from the gardens outside. You sat alone, knees pulled to your chest on the cool tatami mats, staring at the wedding dress hanging before you.

It was exquisite, almost unreal, with its delicate embroidery shimmering like frost under the soft glow of the lanterns. Diamonds dotted the fabric like stars in an unreachable sky. A dream, or maybe a nightmare.

Your stomach twisted painfully as you stared at it, the weight of expectation pressing down on your shoulders.

You couldn’t do this.

Your eyes flickered between the dress and the pile of old street clothes folded beside your duffle bag. Jeans you’d had for years, worn sneakers that carried the dust of too many steps, and a wrinkled shirt that smelled faintly of detergent and familiarity. They looked so out of place, in this room of silks and luxury. But they were you.

Not this.

The whispers you’d heard in the halls played over and over in your mind, cruel and biting.

“She doesn’t belong here.”

“She can’t even see cursed energy. What was he thinking?”

“She’s an orphan—how disgraceful.”

The elders’ words cut even deeper, spoken directly to you during the endless dinners and meetings. They didn’t even try to hide their disdain. You weren’t a person to them. You were a body, a vessel, someone to carry the next Gojo heir. Nothing more.

Your gaze dropped to the diamond ring on your finger. It sparkled too brightly, almost mocking. It felt heavy. Wrong.

You thought of Satoru then. His smile when he wasn’t performing for the world, when it was just you and him in the quiet moments. The way he’d pull you into his arms without warning, burying his face in your hair as though he could lose himself in you. His infectious laughter when you’d beat him at a game, how he’d sulk for all of two seconds before grinning like he didn’t have a care in the world.

In those moments, he wasn’t Gojo Satoru, the strongest sorcerer alive. He was just… Satoru. Just yours.

But reality was cruel. Because he was Gojo Satoru. And he didn’t belong to you. He belonged to the world, a man too big, too powerful, to be truly yours.

And you? You didn’t belong here.

The tears came before you could stop them, silent and hot as they slipped down your cheeks. You stood on shaky legs, your heart pounding as you packed your bag, folding your wrinkled clothes with trembling hands. You hesitated only once—your fingers brushing against the engagement ring before you slipped it off. It felt cold as you placed it into a small box, a faint ache spreading through your chest like a crack splitting your heart in two.

The garden was quiet as you slipped outside, the weight of the duffle bag on your shoulder grounding you. The cool night air kissed your skin, carrying with it the faint scent of flowers and the soft rustle of leaves. You kept to the shadows, moving quickly, every step feeling heavier than the last.

The gate was just ahead, the exit you’d memorized. You could picture his face already—Satoru’s shock when he realized you were gone. The way his bright blue eyes would widen, the playful spark in them extinguished by the weight of your absence. You could imagine the crack in his voice as he said your name, his confusion morphing into heartbreak.

Your chest tightened, but you pushed forward. This was better. This was kinder. Staying would destroy you both in the end.

Your hand reached for the gate’s latch, your fingers trembling as they brushed the cold metal.

Then—warmth.

A hand closed around your wrist, firm yet gentle, and your heart plummeted as you froze in place.

“Don't.”

Suguru: Two broken souls. 

The dining room was silent, save for the faint creak of the wooden chair you shifted on. The room felt colder than usual, the morning light filtering through the thin curtains casting long, muted shadows across the table. Your hands were wrapped around the coffee cup, not for the warmth, but for the grounding weight of it. You didn’t dare look at Suguru. Not yet.

He leaned against the windowsill, his profile half-illuminated by the pale light of day. The cigarette in his hand burned lazily, the ash threatening to fall with each shallow exhale. He stared out at the sprawling Tokyo skyline, though you doubted he was really seeing it. His free hand rested in his pocket, his fingers twitching now and then, betraying an agitation he didn’t care to voice.

The words sat heavy in your throat, clinging there like shards of glass. You wanted to swallow them back down, bury them where they couldn’t resurface. But they came anyway, trembling and fractured.

“I’m sorry—” you began, the words barely audible over the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. You hesitated. What could you possibly say to fix this? Could anything even be fixed? “I’m sorry for last night. I didn’t mean it.”

He didn’t move. For a moment, you wondered if he even heard you. But then, he turned his head slightly, just enough for you to catch a glimpse of his expression. His dark eyes were unreadable, heavy with something you couldn’t name—anger, regret, or perhaps just exhaustion.

“You always say that,” he muttered, his voice low and hoarse, as if the words were dragged from some deep, painful place. He brought the cigarette to his lips, took a long drag, and exhaled slowly, letting the smoke curl out into the cold November air. “We both do.”

His words hung between you like an accusation, and maybe they were. You weren’t sure if you could argue against it. Last night had been another one of those fights—the kind that left you both gutted, wondering if the love you shared was even still there, or if it had been eroded by the years of unresolved pain and festering wounds.

“You’re right,” you whispered, your voice cracking under the weight of it all. “We keep saying things we don’t mean, but... maybe some part of us does.”

That caught his attention. Suguru turned to face you fully, the cigarette forgotten as it smoldered between his fingers. His gaze bore into you, searching for something in your face, your eyes, your slumped posture. He looked tired—not just physically, but soul-deep, like a man who had carried the weight of too many things for far too long.

“That’s what you think?” he asked, his voice soft, almost disbelieving. “That I meant it? That I wanted to hurt you?”

You flinched, the memory of his words from the night before hitting you like a freight train. You’ll never become a mother. You’ll never be a wife. You’ll never be good enough. The bitterness in his voice, the sharp edge of his tone—it had all felt too real in the moment, too pointed to be anything but the truth.

“I don’t know what to think anymore,” you admitted, your fingers tightening around the mug. “Maybe you did. Or maybe I deserved it.”

His brows furrowed, a flicker of frustration passing over his face. He stubbed the cigarette out on the windowsill, the gesture harsh and final. “You didn’t deserve that,” he said firmly, his voice carrying an edge of anger. At himself, or at you, you weren’t sure.

“Then why did you say it?” you shot back, your own frustration bubbling to the surface. “Why do we keep doing this, Suguru? Hurting each other over and over, like it’s the only thing we know how to do?”

His jaw clenched, and for a moment, he didn’t answer. He looked away, his gaze falling to the floor. The silence stretched, heavy and suffocating, until he finally spoke.

“Because it’s easier than admitting that we’re falling apart,” he said quietly. “That we’ve been falling apart for a long time.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you had to bite down on the sob that threatened to escape. He was right, of course. You both knew it. The love that had once been your sanctuary, your safe harbor, had become something unrecognizable—something jagged and painful, like the shards of that broken picture frame.

“I wanted forever with you,” you said, your voice trembling as tears blurred your vision. “I wanted to build a life with you, Suguru. I wanted to believe we could fix each other, that we could be happy together. But... I don’t know how to reach you anymore.”

His shoulders sagged, and he took a hesitant step toward you, his hand hovering in the air like he wanted to touch you but didn’t know if he was allowed to. “You don’t have to fix me,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You never did. And maybe... maybe that’s the problem. We were trying so hard to fix each other that we forgot how to just be together.”

The words cut through you, raw and honest, and you felt your tears spill over. You didn’t know if this was the end for you and Suguru, or if there was still something worth salvaging. But in that moment, as the two of you stood there, broken and bleeding in ways neither of you could fully understand, you realized that love wasn’t always enough. Sometimes, it was the cracks that swallowed everything whole.

Nanami: Somebody always gets hurt.

The smell of freshly brewed coffee teased you awake, mingling with the faint warmth of the sun filtering through the curtains. You stirred, eyes fluttering open as a soft kiss brushed against your lips. His kiss. His scent—clean, comforting—lingered close.

Your gaze landed on the man beside you, golden hair tousled and framing his sharp features. Nanami Kento stood with a tray in hand, your favorite latte and a neatly wrapped pastry perched on it. He noticed your awakening and offered a rare, gentle smile, one that softened the usually stern planes of his face.

“What’s all this?” you murmured with a sleepy laugh, sitting up and pulling the sheets higher around you.

“Just thought you needed a little pick-me-up,” he said, his voice warm and steady as he handed you the coffee. Then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, he reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, his touch lingering for just a moment. “Figured I might’ve been a bit rough on you last night.”

That soft smile. That tender tone. You couldn’t look at him for long.

Your own smile faltered, just barely. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this.

“Ken…” you started, your voice catching on the lump in your throat. You shook your head quickly, forcing yourself to sit straighter, to steel yourself. “I—I can’t do this anymore.”

The words felt heavier than they should have, like they were dragging your chest down with them.

He stilled. His hand, still resting near your cheek, fell away. “What do you mean?” he asked quietly, confusion etched into his expression.

“This.” You gestured between the two of you, suddenly needing to put space between your body and his. “Whatever this is, it can’t keep happening. I’m not—I can’t be the person you want me to be.”

The words hung in the air, and for a moment, he just stared at you, as though trying to decipher the meaning behind them. Then his lips parted, his brows furrowing ever so slightly.

“We’re not seeing other people,” he began, his voice calm but with an edge of urgency. “We spend time together. We go on dates. If it’s about the label—”

“It’s not about a label,” you interrupted, your tone sharper than you meant it to be. You had to stop him. If he kept listing every reason this should work, you’d break. “Kento, you don’t understand. I don’t want this. I don’t want you.”

I bite when I get scared. I don't want to get hurt.

The lie tasted bitter on your tongue, but it needed to be said. You couldn’t let him in, not when you knew how this would end. People like you didn’t let themselves love, didn’t let themselves be loved.

He blinked, the words hitting him like a physical blow. His face didn’t crumble—it was Nanami Kento, after all—but the subtle cracks in his composure were there: the way his jaw tightened, the slight drop of his gaze, the minute shake of his hand as he set the tray on the nightstand.

“You don’t mean that,” he said, his voice quieter now, almost a whisper. “You’re scared. I get that. But we can work through this. Together.”

You almost caved. Almost. His sincerity, his steadfastness, his belief in you—it was so achingly, painfully him.

But you couldn’t.

“Kento, I don’t want to be your girlfriend,” you said, the coldness in your tone barely masking the pain simmering underneath. “I don’t love you now, and I never will.”

The air seemed to shift. His expression froze, and for a long moment, he didn’t move, didn’t breathe.

You stood, forcing yourself to act quickly before the weight of your words crushed you. Setting the coffee aside, you began to gather your clothes, refusing to meet his gaze.

“Don’t contact me,” you said, pulling your shirt over your head and turning toward the door.

You didn’t look back. You couldn’t. Because if you did, you’d see the way his walls had crumbled just slightly, the way he was still standing there, his heart in his hands, waiting for you to take it.

And you didn’t deserve it. Not now.

Shoko: You knew what you were getting

The sound of the rain tapping against the window was what pulled you from sleep. Or maybe it was the muffled shuffle of movement beside you. Your eyes cracked open, adjusting to the dim light of the room, and there she was—Shoko Ieiri, slipping on her coat in the faint glow of a lamp.

She looked up when she noticed you stir, her cigarette dangling from the corner of her mouth, the faint scent of smoke mingling with the rain outside.

"Morning," she murmured, her voice low and raspy, softened in the way it always was when she thought you were still half-asleep. She exhaled a thin stream of smoke toward the open window.

“Where are you going?” you asked, your voice still groggy as you sat up, clutching the blanket to your chest.

Shoko paused, her fingers brushing against the pack of cigarettes on the windowsill. For a moment, you thought she might ignore the question entirely, but then she sighed, turning to face you.

“Work,” she said simply. It was always work. Or at least, that’s what she told you.

“You’re always working,” you muttered, trying not to sound bitter, but the weight of your words hung in the air nonetheless.

She gave a small shrug, her expression carefully neutral. “Someone’s got to patch up all the idiots out there. Occupational hazard.”

You looked at her—really looked at her. The way her shoulders sagged ever so slightly under the weight she carried, the way the glow of the streetlights outside painted her face in soft gold and shadow. She was always like this: half in, half out. Never letting you get close enough to understand what was really going on behind those sharp eyes and that devil-may-care smirk.

“Shoko,” you said, her name heavier than you intended, and it made her pause, fingers frozen mid-motion as she reached for her bag. “Do you ever think about... slowing down? About... us?”

She froze, and you could see the way her mask faltered for just a moment, her lips parting as though to respond. But instead, she closed her mouth and looked away, tapping ash into the tray by the window.

“Don’t do this now,” she said softly, almost like a plea.

“Why not?” you pressed, unable to stop yourself. “You barely let me in. I feel like I’m fighting for scraps of your time, for a version of you that isn’t always halfway out the door.”

Her eyes darted to yours, sharp and defensive now, but there was a flicker of something else—something you couldn’t quite name. Regret? Sadness? “You knew what this was,” she said, her voice colder than you expected. “I never promised you anything more.”

The words stung, but it wasn’t like you hadn’t expected them. You’d seen the writing on the wall from the beginning, felt it in the way she kept things casual, kept things easy.

“I don’t want promises,” you said, your voice trembling despite your best efforts to stay composed. “I just want to know if this—if we—mean anything to you.”

Shoko’s shoulders stiffened, and she turned fully toward you, cigarette forgotten as it burned out in the ashtray. Her expression was unreadable, a perfect mask of indifference, but her eyes gave her away. There was a crack in her armor, a flash of something raw and unguarded.

“You mean a lot to me,” she said finally, her voice quieter now, almost pained. “But I don’t think I’m the person you’re looking for. I’m not... enough.”

You blinked, the honesty of her words catching you off guard. For a moment, you thought about telling her she was wrong—that she was enough, that you didn’t need anything more than this. But deep down, you knew you’d both just be lying to yourselves.

“I can’t keep doing this,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t keep waiting for you to decide you want me the way I want you.”

Shoko inhaled sharply, and for a second, it looked like she might argue. But then she nodded, almost imperceptibly, and the look in her eyes made your chest ache.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice breaking in a way you’d never heard before. “I really am.”

She grabbed her bag and slipped out the door without another word, leaving behind the faint scent of smoke and rain, and the hollow ache in your chest where she used to be.