#and then put that in a somewhat comprehensive form

[gausses]

o(*≧▽≦)ツ🎉

[wombywoo]

Ok! I've finally decided to put together a (somewhat) comprehensive tutorial on my latest art~

Please enjoy this little step-by-step 💁‍♀️

First things first--references!

Now I'm not saying you have to go overboard, but I always find that this is a crucial starting point in any art piece I intend on making. Especially if you're a detail freak like me and want to make it as realistic as possible 🙃

As such, your web browser should look like this at any given point:

Since this is a historical piece, it means hours upon hours of meaningless research just to see what color the socks are, but...again. that isn't, strictly, necessary 😅

Once I've compiled all my lovely ref pics, I usually dump them into a big-ass collage ⬇️

(I will end up not using half of these, alas :'D)

Another reference search for background material, and getting to showcase our models of choice for this occasion~

When picking a reference for an actor or model, the main thing I keep in mind (besides prettiness 🤭) is lighting and orientation. Because I already kinda know what pose I'm gonna go with for this piece, I can look for specific angles that might fit the criteria. I should mention that I am a reference hound, and my current COD actor ref folder looks like this:

Also keep in mind, if you're using a ref that you need to flip, make sure you adjust accordingly. This especially applies to clothing, as certain things like pants zippers and belt buckles can be quite specific ☝️

Now that we've spent countless hours googling, it's time to start with a rough sketch:

It doesn't have to be pretty, folks, just a basic guideline of where you want the figures to be.

The next step is to define it more, and I know this looks like that 'how to draw an owl' meme, but I promise--getting from the loose sketch above to below is not that difficult.

Things to keep in mind are--don't go too in-depth with the details, because things are still subject to change at this point. In terms of making a suitable anatomically-correct sketch, I would suggest lots of studying. This doesn't even have to be things like figure drawing, I genuinely look at people around me for inspiration all the time. Familiarize yourself with the human form, and things like weight, proportions, posing will seem a little more feasible.

It's also important at this stage to consider your composition. Remember to flip the canvas frequently to make sure you're not leaning to one side too often. I'm sure something can be said for the spiral fibonacci stuff, which I don't really try to do on purpose, but I think keeping things like symmetry and balance in mind is a good start ✌️

Next step is just blocking in the figures. Standard. No fuss 👍

Now onto the background!

It's frankly hilarious how many people thought I was *hand-drawing* these maps and stuff 😂😂 I cannot even begin to comprehend how insanely difficult that would be. So yeah, we're just taking the lazy copy and paste way out 🤙

I almost always prepare my backgrounds first, and this is mostly to get a general color scheme off the bat. For collage work, it's really just a matter of trial and error, sticking this here, slapping this there, etc. I like to futz around with different overlay options until I've found a nice arrangement. Advice for this is just--go nuts 🤷‍♀️

Next, I add a few color adjustments. I tend to make at least 2 colors pop in an art piece, and low and behold, they usually tend to be red and blue ❤️💙There's something about warm/cool vibes, idk man..

Now we move on to coloring the figures. This is just a basic block and fill, not really defining any of the details yet.

Next, we add some cursory values. Sloppy airbrush works fine, it'll look better soon I promise 🙏

And now--rendering!

I know a lot of beginner artists are intimidated by rendering, and I can totally understand why. It's just one of those things you have to commit to 💪

I've decided to show a brief process of rendering our dear Johnny's face here:

Starting off, I usually rely on the trusty airbrush just to get some color values going. Note--I've kept my sketch layer on top, but feel free to turn it on and off as you work, so as to not be too bound to the sketch. For now, it's just a guideline.

This next stage may look like a huge jump, but it's really just adding more to the foundation. I try to think of it like putting on make-up in a way~ Adding contours, accentuating highlights. This is also where I start adding in more saturation, especially around areas such as ears, nose and lips. Still a bit fuzzy at this point, but that's why we keep adding to it 💪

A boy has appeared! See--now I've removed most of the line layer, and it holds up on its own. I'll admit that in order to achieve this realistic style, you'll need lots and lots of practice and skill, which shouldn't be discouraging! Just motivate yourself with the prospect of getting to look at pretty men for countless hours 🙆‍♀️

I'll probably do a more in-depth explanation about rendering at some point, but let's keep this rolling~

Moving forward is just a process of adding to the figures bit by bit. I do lean towards filling in each section from top to bottom, but you can feel free to pop around to certain parts that appeal to you more. I almost always do the faces first though, because if they end up sucking, I feel less guilty about scrapping it 😂 But no--I think he's pretty enough to proceed 😚

They're coming together now 🙆‍♀️ Another helpful tip--make sure you reuse color. By that, I mean--try to incorporate various colors throughout your piece, using the eyedropper tool to keep a consistent palette. I try to put in bits of red and blue where I can

Here they are fully rendered! Notice I've made a few subtle changes from the sketch, like adjusting the belt buckles because I made a mistake 😬 Hence why you shouldn't put too much stock in your initial sketch~

The next step is more of a stylistic choice, but I usually go over everything with an outline, typically in a bright color like green. Occasionally, I can just use my initial line layer, but for this, I've made a brand new, cleaner line 👍

And the final step is adjusting the color and adding some text:

Tada!! It's done!

All in all, this took me the better part of a week, but I have a lot of free time, so yeah ✌️

I hope you appreciated that little walkthrough~ I know people have been asking me how I do my art, but the truth is--I usually have no clue how to explain myself 😅 So have this half-assed tutorial~

As a bonus, here is a cute (cursed) image of Johnny without his mustache:

A baby, a literal infant child !!! who put this wee bairn on the front lines ??! 😭

Anyway! peace out ✌️

[ridiasfangirlings]

How to buy K merch in the Year 2024

I got several asks about this so rather than do each individually, I’ve decided to just make one big How to Buy K Merch in the Year 2024 post. I’m going to skip over the more obvious western sites like eBay and focus more on Japanese sites here. Because there hasn’t been much new K merch in some time keep in mind that most of what you will be looking for is secondhand, which means availability will vary.

Shopping Services

For some of these sites you will need a shopping service, so we’ll start there. This is by no means a comprehensive list of available shopping services, just ones I’ve used and liked. 

FromJapan - This one is very straightforward — copy and paste the url of the item you want into their search bar. For anything in certain sites like Rakuten this will pull up a page that will give you the item and its price in your currency and you can just click add to cart. For other sites you may need to request a price quote, there’s a small form to fill out and they’ll get back to you on if they can order it. Timing depends on when you make the request. The nice thing about FromJapan is they will hold items for you for 45 days, so you can collect multiple purchases from multiple sites over time and have them all shipped at once. The bad side is that after 45 days they will discard your items, so keep an eye on when your oldest item arrived (you can see how long it’s been at their warehouse on your account page, and they will email you as the deadline gets close too).

Treasure Japan - Treasure Japan is a much smaller service than the others on this list but also the one I’ve used the longest. Being a smaller service means they tend to be more able to purchase items that might have seller restrictions, particularly from places like Mercari. Some listings when pasted into other shopping service sites will have a ‘cannot purchase from this seller’ warning, because some sellers don’t want to deal with shopping services. I haven’t had much trouble with this merchandise-wise, but when I’ve run into it with j-fashion Treasure Japan has been able to order when the bigger services couldn’t. Their site is set up so you will input different sites in different sections, there’s one for auction, one for ‘flea market’ (this will be places like Mercari) and one for shopping sites. 

Buyee/Tenso - Buyee is a shopping service, Tenso is a forwarding service. They’re owned by the same parent company but are separate sites and you’ll need a separate account for each. Buyee is directly integrated with some sites like Mercari and Yahoo Japan, you can put in the url into their search bar and get a listing that you can buy immediately. Like FromJapan, any sites outside of the ones they’re integrated into will require you to request a quote (I found this more difficult with Buyee than FromJapan, personally) and they will sometimes be unable to purchase items. They will hold your items for 30 days at no charge, and you can request to consolidate packages for shipping.

Tenso, as I said above, is a forwarding service and somewhat more complicated. Basically when you sign up they will give you a Japanese address (presumably one of their warehouses) and you can then buy directly from Japanese websites, inputting the address you were given in the address field and paying with your own credit card. The items will be shipped to Tenso and from there you can have them sent to you. Obviously this is more complicated than a shopping service. I’ve used it mainly for things that didn’t involve an item being shipped (this is how I signed up for Fan Clan back in the day, for example, though my lottery goods were sent via Tenso too) or sites that require you to sign up to purchase from. I wouldn’t recommend it for any marketplace type site unless you’re fluent in Japanese, since sellers on those sites may try to communicate with you. 

Stores 

AmiAmi (no shopping service needed) - AmiAmi is mainly for new goods but I’ll mention it here anyway, in case K ever gets more merch. AmiAmi usually sells out on preorders, you place your order and they will let you know when the item arrives. You pay at that time. They do sometimes get used merch though so you can keep an eye out there, sometimes there will be decent deals on items that only have small flaws like the box being damaged. 

Amazon Japan (may or may not need a shopping service) - Did you know overseas people can buy from Amazon Japan? You do now! You will need to make a new account, even if you have an Amazon account in your country. Whether you need a shopping service or not depends on the item. Anything sold directly by the company will likely not need a shopping service — the majority of my K manga and the stage plays were all bought directly from here, and when I was supplying raws for Countdown and LSW I was buying the magazines from here as well (I’ve also used it for Pokémon plushies and sewing books). If the item is being sold by a third party seller though you will likely need a shopping service. The site will tell you when you try to check out.

Surugaya EN (no shopping service required)/ Surugaya JP (shopping service required) - This is a secondhand shop and a great place to find merch. The main difference between the English site and the Japanese one is that the Japanese site has a larger selection (particularly doujinshi, and even more particularly spicy doujinshi). The English site periodically has free shipping sales so keep an eye out. Surugaya also has physical stores and will sometimes share merch between the store and the site so keep that in mind too, I have had items canceled before because they sold out in store and the listing hadn’t been updated yet.

Mandarake (no shopping service needed) - Another secondhand shop similar to Surugaya. I have not actually purchased from them myself and am not fond of their interface but I know people who have bought things from here. Like Surugaya they share stock with physical stores so something you want can sell out even after you’ve purchased. 

Lashinbang (shoppng service required) - More secondhand shops. Lashinbang is rather small though so they don't always have much stuff, at least not for K.

CDJapan (no shopping service needed) - This is also better for new merch than secondhand but still worth a mention. I’ve found their prices tend to be worse than a lot of other stores though, this is more of a last resort for me.

Otaku Republic/Goods Republic (no shopping service needed) - Otaku sells doujinshi, Goods sells merch. The main draw is that these two are easy to search if you’re uncomfortable dealing with Japanese sites. I haven’t used them in quite a while but when I was buying from them they would send me free gifts with every purchase (my S4 cup came from them, as well as a bunch of clear file folders that I didn’t take pictures of because they’re being used as sewing pattern storage right now). The main downside is that while shipping is free over $50 they massively mark up the base prices to make up for it. I eventually stopped using this site because the shopping service was cheaper even with shipping and fees, you are paying for convenience. A lot of their ‘inventory’ is just listings from other sites including Surugaya, so check there first.

GoraShop (shopping service required) - This is Gora’s direct bookshop! They only have the season novelizations and Idol K books right now, as well as some Ayaka stuff. 

Kinkurido (shopping service required) - This is the King Amusement Creative shop. All Memories was sold through this shop but is currently sold out, if they ever restock Gora will likely announce it on their Twitter. They do have some other small K goods available, including some CDs and artbooks (and Sarumi body pillows). 

Marketplaces

Mercari Japan (Shopping service needed) - If you’ve ever used the English version of Mercari, here it is again but Japanese edition. You can find a lot of good used pieces here but prices are set by the individual seller so be wary of overpaying the first thing you find. Be sure to use a translator to look at the description in case you're buying a damaged item. Sometimes shopping services can try to negotiate the prices if you ask. 

Yahoo Japan Auctions (shopping service needed) - Similarly as above, if you’re familiar with eBay this is fundamentally the same thing. Some shopping services will allow you to place last minute ‘sniper’ bids, and most will let you set a maximum bid and keep bidding on your behalf until that max is reached. 

Shopping tips and things to know

The good news about buying from Japan right now: the yen is weak, so you can get deals! In the US, anyway. This may depend on your country so if you’re unsure on the exchange rate you can google “[your country’s currency] to yen exchange rate” and it should give you an approximate.

The bad news: shipping is killer. Keep that in mind, especially if you’re buying heavy items like bags or shoes (yes, K has those, there are several SuperGroupies collabs. If you want a S4 purse or Yata Misaki shoes keep in mind you will probably be paying through the nose for shipping). For the European types, you may have additional taxes too so be aware of your country’s import laws. Ditto when it comes to customs. For my fellow Americans, I have never had a customs issue even when buying fairly pricey dresses so you’re probably okay on that end but I can’t speak for other countries. 

Character tax is real. Basically, more popular characters will likely have more expensive merch because there’s more demand — for example, Fushimi and Yata merch tends to be more expensive than, say, Silvers merch. Keychains and pins are usually cheaper than larger items like figures and standees either way though. 

Most of the Japanese sites will need to be searched in Japanese. For character names, I suggest going to the K wiki and grabbing your favorite character’s name in kanji and using that to search. For pairings, while marketplace sites like Mercari may have listings under the pairing name sites like Suruga will use the two individual character names so you’ll want to search under that. If your browser doesn’t have an add on to translate that’s very helpful to grab in order to make your experience easier. For K itself, in general this is really the downside of having a favorite series with a one letter title. However, using ‘Missing Kings,’ ‘Return of Kings’ or ‘Seven Stories’ can be helpful here but will likely mostly turn up merch made for that specific season/movie. 

If you want to look up something specific like a plush but don't know the Japanese word for it, Jisho can be helpful. Look up the kanji for the word you want and then copy-paste into your search. The downside is sometimes there are multiple words for the same thing or a word may be in kanji but people use the hiragana more often and you won't know, but it should get you on the right path to start.

On buying spicier goods: most shopping services have it in their terms that they will not buy adult items. In practice, however, this depends. I've had FromJapan refuse to buy perfectly tame G-rated doujinshi. Treasure Japan has in their terms that they won't ship adult items but like 70% of my doujinshi collection was purchased through them, with an R18 Sarumi book purchased as recently as last year. I've heard Buyee also states that they won't ship adult items but it's hit or miss if they turn down your order, and if you buy directly using Tenso they likely won't even open your package. Keep your country's laws regarding importing in mind, especially if you think customs might be likely to poke around in your package. Don't get in legal trouble just for spicy drawings.

Buying secondhand is a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes it takes a while for what you want to show up, so just keep looking! When I was collecting my nui set I literally bookmarked the search for “K ぬい” (nui) on Mercari and checked every day or so, which may be more obsessive than you want but it does get the job done (I was molded in the merch search mines of trying to find lolita dresses that haven’t been sold for 10 years, so I’m used to this kind of thing). If you keep looking you may even find things you didn't know you needed, like this Sarumi bedsheet I forgot to add into my collection post.

Happy hunting!

[yinandyanglifestyle]

I went to Sydney for Alphonse Mucha

by: Icie

One thing to know about me, I was an interior design major back in my home country. I absolutely sucked at it, but I fell in love with Art History. In that minor, our professors taught us about different art styles through the ages and bit by bit I saw the progress of art through the ages. I loved the OG Gothic Style, Romanesque, was disillusioned with Baroque and Rococo from the west... It was too Western focused and it didn't interest me as much (because I was an Asian kid) until we got towards the end of the 19th century where the grandparents of weebs (of which I am a part of) hailed from and Japonisme was a thing. Japonisme inspired so much beautiful art and it triggered a domino effect that ultimately led to Art Nouveau where Alphonse Mucha was a main character.

This was it. My favourite art style! I can never go back to loving other art styles after discovering Art Nouveau. It spoke to me about how feminine it was and it awakened something from my mostly masculine soul. I wanted to see more of these beautiful girls surrounded by flowers and stars, wearing kimono-inspired clothes in pretty pastels. The macaroni hair only added to the romanticism of it all. This is what love is like, but in art form!

Fast forward to 2024, The Mucha Foundation collaborated with the Art Gallery of New South Wales to host over 200 of this master's works which was "the most comprehensive exhibition ever seen in Australia of this visionary artist's work". I had to see it. I needed to see it! I am a big fan of Mucha and Art Nouveau, and one of my dreams was to go to Paris, Brussels, and Prague for all of the beautiful swirly-whirlies. Being a Brisbanite, I was exited. Please come to my city! Please, please, please! But AGNSW said "sorry, it's exclusive to Sydney."

Dammit. It's off to Sydney I go. I donned my Sailor Moon dress, packed my bag for a 3 day trip with my partner just so I could see this legend's works and boy, I was not disappointed. I learned to love Mucha and his works even more. We landed in Sydney, didn't check in our hotel, and went straight to the main quest:

Outside, they had this big banner of Mucha's name. Inside was this glorious area that showcased Summer (left) and Rose (right). Oh wait, the exhibit is next door. So we went to the more modern building, down two floors, bought tickets, and enjoyed the art.

In the newer building next door, I was treated to pre-art nouveau Mucha. We learned about what his life was like before his popularity. He designed some clothes for a theatre, hung out with everyone's buddy Paul Gaugin, Ludek Marold and Annah the Javanese. The tour guide said, "if he wasn't a painter, he would've been a great photographer".

Then we were treated to the meat of the exhibit: the Sarah Bernhardt stuff, his lithographs, his sketches, but what struck me most were his concept art to reality. (Excuse my phone's shadow. For some reason, AGNSW decided to put these works on a 45° angle under bright lights. The girl beside me even said "fucking glare!" and I wholeheartedly agreed.)

We were treated to so many wonderful works and I cried when I saw parts of Le Pater. I'm an atheist but this made me think that maybe there is a god. Maybe. But still, beautiful artwork that left me speechless.

I got to stand next to my favourite work of his: White Star. Joy!

At the end of the exhibit, the tour guide talked about how Mucha who was somewhat influenced by Japan, now influenced Japan. Now we come full circle with anime and manga characters depicted in art nouveau styled paintings and posters. Oh boy, we had our Lord Yoshitaka Amano's works in the gallery as well. I was so lucky to see works of my two favourite artists in one day!

It was almost 2PM by the time we finished the tour. We spent at least 4 hours in the gallery after landing just because I fangirled and was willing to spend money on Mucha. Yeah, I bought stuff. A reproduction of Alphonse Mucha's original "Documents Decoratifs" which focused more on his industrial design work (jewellery, cutlery, furniture etc) which I rarely see on the internet, a set of badges and make-up from Japanese brand MilleFée.

I went to Sydney for Alphonse Mucha and it was worth it. I end this rabid fangirling with the parting words of the Art Gallery of New South Wales' tour guide: Mucha's style has never been as well loved and as well represented as it is in Japan.

[theyareweird]

Corpse Party: Yuuya Kizami —Aesthetic

Yuuya Kizami's Character & Personality

Yuuya is the seventeen-year-old son of Seiji and Shiori. He's the younger brother of Kouki (brother) and Haruna (sister). Yuuya is a student of Byakudan Senior High School's classroom 2-4. He likes mirrors and silver accessories. Yuuya's hobby is observing humans. He dreams of raising an amoral society and relieving people's pains. At first, Yuuya is supposedly a protective and strong ally. He's sophisticated and classy with his Japanese pronouns, language, and manners. However, Yuuya occasionally comes across as somewhat blunt and apathetic. Underneath this façade, he's a sociopath. Yuuya has no comprehension of morality, affection, social interaction, or value of life. Violent from childhood, his acts ranged from trying to beat a student to death to mutilating animals. Yuuya has a cynical perception of truth. He firmly believes everyone is hiding behind a mask and lying to him, preventing him from seeing their 'true' personality. Eventually, Yuuya became convinced death would reveal a person's true self. As a result, he lusted to kill those around him. Due to his lack of understanding of others and the world, Yuuya created a false front as a teen. He acts as a loner who prefers to sit on the sidelines and observe while he studies others and their interactions, ironically committing the same type of deception he loathed. Yuuya is extremely egocentric. If people wish to be involved with him, he expects them to put him at the center of things and 'care' about him the way his family 'didn't'. Thus, Yuuya is arrogant. He doesn't hide this trait and even flaunts it in some cases. Having been repeatedly told he'll grow up alone due to his sadistic ways, Yuuya thinks if he's second to none, being alone won't matter.

At Heavenly Host, he attempts to work with his "friends" to escape. However, after a series of deaths and mental breakdowns of several classmates, he concludes it didn't matter how a person dies since they're going to anyway. This justified Yuuya's need to murder those around him. Ecstatic, he put his philosophy into practice, hoping to reveal the inner selfishness in his classmates to finally understand them and himself. However, in Book of Shadows episode 6, bits of pity, remorse and guilt come from interacting with Yuka. Yuuya hoped helping her would give him some means to atone for the terrible things he has done. This indicates he holds some basic understanding of morals and knew what he was doing was wrong to a degree. Yuuya always dreamed of having a younger sibling. Forming somewhat of a complex around this, he's fond towards the thought of having a little sister. Yuuya harbors deep hatred for his family. Specifically, his older siblings, whom he feels are always "lying" by telling him they want what was best for him. Yuuya convinced himself his entire family hates him and his older siblings are always taking attention away from him. His intense and unresolved frustration with being the youngest child, always picked on and told what to do, played a major factor in shaping his philosophy. Yuuya theorized had he had a younger sibling, he may have been able to understand how his siblings truly felt when they said they loved him.

[glitch-pep]

A somewhat comprehensible essay about how the Chaotic Crossover AU was created

Word count: Around 3000 words.

Approximated reading time: 25 minutes.

Summary: Me explaning my weird thought process and the string of ideas that lead to the Chaotic Crossover AU. I wrote the essay for fun, don't take it too seriously. I'm totally not saying that because I went off topic a few times.

It's seperated into 10 sections so that it'll be easier to read. This is my first attempt at posting a longer piece of my writing as well as an essay, I tried to make it interesting and entertaining.

I hope you'll enjoy! 💚💛💜💙

#1

It was around some point at the beginning of the year 2023 that my mom and I randomly decided to watch the movie Ocean's 8 together. I'm usually really picky about movies because my attention span is terrible and if I get bored I don't wanna watch anymore, but when she told me it was about a heist I was hooked. I love heist movies, I always did, and I loved this movie too, it's fun and actually funny and charismatic, with a decent twist to it that I won't spoil, but I definitely do recommend that you give it a watch.

Anyways, that day changed everything. The moment the movie was over, the moment that I went upstairs to my room, I had no real idea what I was getting myself into. I put on my headphones, put on "Mission Impossible Theme - Electric Guitar Cover by Kfir Ochaion - ALP Guitars" on loop, I took my purple hula hoop and I started to pace around my room trying to come up with ideas while spinning it around like a weird stim toy. Ideas for what, you may ask?

For my oc's to be in a heist together, of course.

#2

You see, my mind is very easily influenced. That's definitely not a good thing to be honest, but I don't know how to phrase it differently. Basically, whenever I watch something I immediately start thinking of oc ideas that have something to do with it. If I watch a movie about cowboys I'll be trying to make a cowboy au in my head, If I watch a movie about a royal ball I'll be imagining them all dolled up at a fancy event.

You can bet your ass, that I, heist movie fanatic, wanted my oc's to be in a heist together real bad. Thing is... at the time, I had a teeny tiny little problem that made this idea a little difficult...

I literally only had two oc's to work with.

Those two being Charlie and Mina.

The girlies. The legends. The og's.

...but yeah, still. Two oc's isn't a lot to work with. I did have Charlie as a plot starter, she's literally a thief, of course she'd want to go on a badass heist to steal a bunch of valuables. But how on earth would Charlie convince Mina of all people to go on a heist with her?

Besides... these two are a fun duo, but they're not entertaining enough on their own, seeing only the two of them interact constantly will get bored real quick...

But did you think that stopped me, dear reader? Oh no, no no no no no. I didn't let go of this concept. I felt a mighty need. I NEEDED to see a group of my own special little guys on a wacky heist together.

#3

In an act of desperation, I literally thought about bringing back my old Ducktales oc's and the Club Penguin oc's I had recently scraped. The Club Penguin oc's were a no go, I firmly decided to turn those into humans and to work on them at some point in the future. As for the Ducktales ones, I'd have to rewatch an entire show to be able to properly rewrite and redesign them and I didn't feel like doing that...

...but then, I remembered two oc ideas that were lingering in my mind, waiting to be thought of. A Making Fiends oc, which I did try to create but ultimately scraped the idea of cuz I couldn't make the design look right, and a Welcome Home oc concept, of a sleep themed character with a moon head.

While I was going to start to work on the Welcome Home one, I still didn't wanna tackle the Making Fiends one. So, in my mind, I firstly created a weird meta version of the au we know today.

I started to design and slowly form a personality for moon girl. While I was doing that, I added her to the heist even though she was nowhere near done yet.

As for the Making Fiends guy... well, he was going to be a self aware scraped character who was supposed to be able to exist only in this au, and nowhere else. It was supposed to be an universe where everyone is self aware that they're characters, and that I, their creator, exist.

The guy was supposed to be very mad at me specifically at all times, because the girls got their own lores and stories in their og universes, meanwhile his only role is to fill up space in a heist scenario.

I remember getting the idea that, before I even post about these two, that I should create a series of fake screenshots where I'd showcase these two without explaining who they are, as a sorta little thing that only I would really understand the context of.

...and this is where things changed.

For fake screenshots you need fake scenarios, for fake scenarios you have to imagine the characters interract. 

#4

The very first idea I had for this was Charlie, excitedly breaking into the guys house and then trying to convince him to join her crazy heist plan, and him of course not wanting to.

It was this bickering that I really liked. It was this bickering that I found insanely entertaining.

It was this bickering that ultimately saved both Charlie and Milo as characters.

These two are at their BEST, when they have someone to go against, a rival. Someone to argue and fight with. These two basically shaped each other as characters.

Most of Milo's personality was created while I imagined him arguing with Charlie like they're in a Danganronpa trial. And while Charlie's personality didn't change, it definitely expanded. The Charlie from a year ago isn't the Charlie we have now.

Also, I gotta add this, Charlie and Milo are basically Ash and Five but in a different font, I have realized that only later on, and I really love this dynamic. I won't explain who those two are in detail, if you know you know.

So, we have established that these two helped and pushed each other to become the best versions of themselves.

But let's be real, there ain't no way in hell Charlie's gonna convince Milo, even the Milo we have today, to participate in a heist that easily.

So, what does Charlie do?

Drag moon girl into it, of course.

#5

I thought to myself... huh, what if Mr. Serious had a soft spot for moon girl? And then Milo proceeded to shape Molly's character into place, with one of the most beloved dynamics I've made so far. Molly changed Milo a lot too, of course.

Molly is the thing that made me realize that Milo is at his second best when he has someone to care for, someone to love. Eventually this love did spread to Charlie and Mina as well, but he doesn't show it towards them the same way.

Charlie and Molly changed each other in a way that made me realize that Molly is at her best when she has someone to lead her. A lot of Charlie's personality came to be from me imagining her explaining something to Molly in a cool leader type of way.

And then there's Mina. Now you're gonna say, Mina's the odd one out. Mina's the only one who hasn't changed at all since I first introduced her.

Mina has changed, she just changed the least. All three of them shaped her character to be more caring and less cold, which isn't very obvious... given that it's Mina we're talking about.

Heh... I guess ya could say, that she was too lazy to change any more than that. Mina's the most simple character out of all of them, I don't wanna change that too much. Her simple character is fine, and it's at it's best when it's put together with complicated characters. And welp, we got three complicated mfs right here.

All of these dynamics were born while I was imagining them in the heist scenario. You forgot about the heist already, didn't you? I can't blame you, I did too... for a long time.

#6

I just started to imagine them in different scenarios and those kinda made me forget about the heist one, but, within this au the heist thing did happen... well, it was supposed to.

Basically the au began with them all just being thrown into this white room with four doors lined up before them. Each of them had a missing item from their inventories that they wanted to get back. They got to know each other a little while they were going through each other's universes, they found the items and that was it for a while.

Until Charlie found that a new door showed up in the room. The door lead to the front of a giant building, which turned out to be some rich guy's massive mansion. And of course the mansion was full of valuables that Charlie wanted to get her hands on, but failed attempt after failed attempt... she just couldn't get in.

That's when she realized that it would be far easier if she had someone with her... y'know, preferably three people. And boom she's at it with the convincing. Mina agrees cuz she wants to avoid another one of her aunts weedings, Molly agrees cuz Charlie told her that it's a good thing that they're doing this, Milo agrees cuz Molly is a part of it, and because he's baffled that she managed to drag Mina into it.

And because they were like in a heist together I almost called the au the "Charlie's Angels AU". Because y'know... there's Charlie who's conveniently named that, and the other three who's names all start with an M. I honestly still think it'll be a clever name for some sorta au, but I went for the name Chaotic Crossover AU because it's more simple and it explains what the au is about better. Besides, I feel like if I actually went for the title that's a movie reference I'd have to constantly stick to the whole heist thing or otherwise it wouldn't make much sense.

The only other type of name I considered before I went for the one we have today, is something along the lines of MMCM AU. Maybe the letters were arranged differently, I honestly don't exactly remember. Yeah, I didn't get too creative with this one, it honestly sounds like a band name to me... and yes, I did consider making a band au but nah, I'm going to use the band concept for something else. Also there's lore reasons as to why these 4 wouldn't really be capable of being in a band together.

So they meet up to create a plan, they have fun chatting and messing around for the whole day, only to find that the door which Charlie talked about dissapeared. She wasn't lying about it, she even took pictures as proof.

But, oh well, does is matter that much anyways? Maybe the real treasure... the real heist, was the friends we made along the way.

And, it was.

#7

Besides this beginning, there is no other plot to this au.

The rest of it is just them mindlessly having fun with each other as I put them into random scenarios and funky outfits.

I said this somewhere before, but, the au has no actual ending or middle, just a beginning.

Time doesn't flow the same, they're just meant to stay the same age, time has been stopped, basically.

There was supposed to be a plot at some point, but I realized that I would spoil a lot of stuff from their actual canon stories, and I am always overly cautious with not spoiling people.

Also, the characters here don't line up 100% with their canon counterparts, even if they do for the most part, because I erased their canon problems for the sake of having them be actually happy unlike their canon selves.

Thing is, to what extent did I erase these problems?

Because, for some of them, if I erase the problem then they're not the same character anymore...

So it's basically a weird situation where they are and aren't themselves...

...I'm losing you, aren't I? Yeah, I'm losing it too.

What am I trying to say?

I'm trying to explain in a comprehensive way that the Chaotic Crossover AU makes no logical sense.

...unless, you hear me out about the explanation I came up with because I feel the need for everything to magically make sense.

#8

I present to you,

The Dollhouse Explanation

Which says, that the oc's in this au, are doll versions of the actual characters.

1. The white room with the doors is actually a dollhouse. Every universe they go to is me adding another playset to it.

2. Molly, Mina, Milo and Charlie are dolls. I play with them, making up roleplays and scenarios. I dress them up in different outfits very often, like one does with dolls.

3. They don't age because they're dolls and dolls don't age, so it seems as if time has stopped.

Could some of this apply to the act of making oc's and stories in general?

Yeah.

Does this change anything about the au?

No. Not really.

Why did I add this to the essay?

I showed it to my friend and she said that I should keep this part so I'm taking her word for it.

(She doesn't have Tumblr or other socials but shout-out to her!)

Have I watched too many theory videos on YouTube?

Yeah.

Should I stop?

Yeah, but we both know that I won't. :)

Also, the au was inspired and influenced by cartoons in danganronpa, which is basically a giant crossover in itself.

I'm saying this because, like in cidr, the characters and designs clearly aren't from the same universes, they still kept the each individual art styles from the shows, and I really liked the look of it. But, you could still tell that the sprites are from the same project because of the lineart and shading. It's the same situation in this au.

#9

...this is a cursed addition to this essay that I, on one hand, don't wanna cover cuz Part A of it is the cringiest and worst development fact about the au and I've kinda wanted to just pretend it never happened, but it influenced Part B in a way as to where I can't not mention it, and also I find Part B incredibly interesting.

Ok, so, Milo was always pansexual, but Charlie used to be bisexual before I settled on her being a lesbian.

...I'm just gonna rip the bandage off, Milo x Charlie was supposed to be a thing.

I know, I know, eugh. Look, I will think of many romantic character combinations just in case I might hit the jackpot, I like to explore romantic dynamics as much as platonic ones.

And, for like... a month, I was genuienly planning to make these two slowly get crushes on each other, I was gonna hint towards it with some sorta ship art.

But then, I was reconsidering things.

I started to contemplate the meaning of life, as well as all of my life choices and how they affected my life, me and my oc's. I looked into the distance, and then I took one, good, longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg, look at Charlie. And then, finally, like a light at the end of the tunnel, my critical thinking skills tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around.

"Her ass would never date a man." it said. I nodded, and shed a tear. It may have taken me too long to realize it, but at least I did.

And that's the story of how Charlie became a lesbian instead! :D

#10

And no, before you ask, Charlie wouldn't like Milo in that way even if he was female, or when he's presenting himself as more feminine like in the one purple design I made for him. She doesn't find him appealing in a romantic way at all. Same goes for Milo with Charlie.

Besides, both have standards... and different types.

Their relationship is far more interesting and genuine if it's presented from a purely platonic perspective, which it is, and which it always will be.

Basically, they're besties, your honor. Case closed.

The same thing goes for another ship I considered while I was still figuring out everyone's sexualities, Charlie x Mina.

I admit, I hate this one less, but still, it's the same situation.

They're besties, your honor. Case closed yet again.

Ever since I decided to keep it all platonic, thank heavens I did, I've always had this underlying fear in the back of my head that, somehow, people are still going to see it as romantic. I remember when I made the drawing of Milo and Charlie standing next to each other in greaser inspired outfits, I was like, oh crap, are ppl gonna see them as a couple?

But no one did. A decent amount of people saw it, and no one said a thing.

And I think that's nice. Beautiful, even.

I've seen plenty of characters which were, if you ask me, forcefully pushed together in a romantic way, despite the fact that they were clearly meant to just be friends. Having this sense of control over things, being able to determine the right path for these oc's, it gives me a sense of peace and satisfaction.

Everything is in its place.

Balanced, as it should be. 

Anyways let's talk about how this decision made everyone in this au absolutely unshippable with each other in every conceivable way.

1. Molly is an adult the other three are kids if you don't think this is a no go get the fuck away from my blog.

2. Mina is aroace and would never be in a romantic relationship, so that's a no go too.

3. The only two left are Milo and Charlie. Charlie is a lesbian and since Milo is a guy that's a no go.

This happened completely on accident and I realized it on accident too, but I'm not complaining.

Hooray to friendship! Hooray to platonic love! Hooray to platonic relationships!

They're just as valuable and beautiful and powerful as romantic ones!

Go tell your friends or family or partner or pet you love them!

You'd be surprised how happy they'd be to hear it.

And that's how the Chaotic Crossover AU was created.

If you've actually made it to the end, thank you for sticking around, you beloved madlad.

I hope you have a lovely day! 💚💛💜💙

[electrozeistyking]

I just realized what "The Amalgamation" reminds me of. The Slayer form in Baldur's Gate 3

Funny that it somewhat resembles it given I had the idea for two particular DDs I made to fuse into one being that was a giant version of a similar form. Just less surgical and more "magical".

While I'm here I wanted to say the design for it is sick. Body horror is my jam so this "little" guy was quite cool to see. Curious if you're gonna do a fic with them, would absolutely be down to read it if you did. A lot of the fics I read don't really incorporate the body horror elements of MD and it makes me a little sad since it's one of the things that drew me to the show. But I imagine you're quite busy with the Ghost Drone AU so I don't really expect it.

Also I might take a crack at drawing The Amalgamation but don't expect it to be too good. I may be able to draw horrors beyond human comprehension but limbs STILL get me. Like, how does the hand attach to arm, why are fingers so round...WHO DECIDED NECKS SHOULD BE LIKE THAT?!

I also considered drawing Beanie with one of my OCs but...almost all of them should NOT be within 500 miles of her. Two of them are literally The Boogeyman (even if Erik wasn't at one point) and the other two are loyal DDs. Yen would be sweet though, so maybe some art with them would work but I think they'd be too distracted by N's hot single dad vibes.

idk I just love your art and I want to pay tribute to it in some way because it's so awesome and super well made. Love what you're doing and hope you do well because of it!

(also sorry for the long ask I just started thinking stuff I wanted to say and putting it down)

Pal. Buddy. I absolutely LOVE writing nightmarish/horror sequences, I just don't often get a chance to flex that ability. You better believe that I'm planning on writing something about the Amalgamation! I even have a co-writer to help me with it... heheheh.

Don't worry, nothing's actually written yet. Those "excerpts" I posted were literally just me writing short little stories on the concept, seeing as I wanted to get them out of my brain... though, I may actively include them when I actually write about the Amalgamation? Too soon to say....

Also hey, don't worry if your art looks "bad" or "good!" So long as you make it, I'll love it either way! And don't worry, I love the lengthy ask! It was a delight reading all of your thoughts. :3

[birgittesilverbae]

Jillian & Bea (platonic, must it be said?): embrace

"The swelling has subsided somewhat," Jillian comments, gaze fixed on the tablet in her left hand. She flicks her fingers and a three-dimensional model appears on the monitor in front of Beatrice, a brain rotating slowly in space. "That may have a positive effect on the headaches, if that's been a contributing factor."

Beatrice wets her lips. "And if not?"

"If they persist, I'd like to get you in for a more comprehensive suite of neuroimaging. See if we can induce an attack while we're actively scanning and pinpoint a root cause." 

"Do you expect to uncover anything?"

Jillian lifts her head and locks eyes with Beatrice. "I'm not… I'm not sure that it will," she admits. Her eyebrows draw down as she focuses inwardly, seemingly turning the problem over and over in her mind. 

Beatrice takes stock of Jillian's words in the intervening silence, forces herself to consider the possibility to which she's so steadfastly turned a blind eye. The perpetuity of serious injury has never truly been a concern, not when Sister Warriors so rarely live long enough for acute ailments to turn chronic. A sister is healthy, then injured, then dead. Devoured by the mission before the bill for years of cumulative trauma comes due. Mortality as a given.

But now, in the aftermath of the holy war, Beatrice must look to the future and consider that she will likely survive to see it, survive long enough to truly live. Survive long enough to be dogged by the lingering effects of combat, by constant low-grade joint and muscle pain, by headaches that lance through her skull with all the brutality of an icepick to the temple.

Jillian is closer, now, her mouth moving, but Beatrice can't quite put the sounds together to form words. She's crying, she realises with removal, recognising it only when the ice cold pad of Jillian's thumb brushes hesitantly across her cheek. 

"I don't know why I asked," Beatrice says, the words catching in her throat. "I didn't want to know."

Jillian's tone turns more gentle and she leans forward to put an arm around Beatrice's shoulder, to hold her in an unpracticed embrace. "It's better to know," she says, "to be able to use that knowledge to guide our next actions."

"I don't want a next action," Beatrice protests, petulance slipping into her voice without her consent. "I just want a nap."

[vegaly-art]

Ortho Shroud is NOT a Child, a Comprehensive TWST Analysis

Heyo! I am just your average TWST fan with a very deep appreciation for characters and love of overly verbose essays. I have a few I’ve written out in the past on characters I like (and especially Ortho, as I find him generally interesting AND misunderstood) and I thought sharing my opinions with the fandom could do a bit of good. :) Also it helps set up for some secret-ish projects coming to this blog soon enough ;). Also spoilers for Book 6, and many of Ortho’s Vignettes under the cut 

 Ok so, to start of I think I should preface by explaining Ortho's fanon interpretation (or at least the most popular one that I have seen), just for context so I can compare and contrast it to my own analysis of his in game character. Ortho in fanon is, in his simplest form, a child. I assume that this stems from 3 main reasons. His appearance, voice, and mannerisms. Ortho Shroud is quite short, and though we cannot be certain of the timeline of his creation, his body is AT LEAST a few years younger in appearance than his technical age, due to the way that he was built by Idia. His voice is also rather high pitched, even compared to some of the other younger speaking characters such as Epel, and his mannerisms can be perceived as somewhat juvenile. He does have a slightly more simplified speech pattern unless talking about facts/statistics/robotic speech forms; he is very bouncy, moving around often, kicking his feet, etc; and his tone of voice also has a lot of emotion put behind it, leading to a more enthusiastic delivery. While all these things are true on the surface, I believe that they're a rather surface level interpretation of him, and applying the 'child' label to Ortho but not to other characters (Notably Kalim, Epel and Idia all for different reasons) is hypocritical. Mind you, I am NOT saying those 3 or any other characters are actually children, even mentally (though some of them are a touch childish), but simply that Ortho holds lots of similarity to them and, in my opinion, should be held to similar character standards.)

  In terms of explaining  and why I PERSONALLY think this fanon interpretation is surface level, I've got to get my categories down first. :P So I'll go through: - Physical appearance and traits (voice, tone, etc)  - Expression - Emotional Maturity (And character comparisons) -And some Psychology because I'm a fuckin nERD  Hope that works out. (Mind you, each section here is bolded so if you’d like to read through a particular section, feel free. Also, I will reference some vignettes or character comparisons in this essay, and also have more sources at the very end for further reading about Ortho within the game itself. So no wiki articles or whatever :P) Physical Traits and Appearance

  So starting with appearance, Ortho is quite short with a larger drawn head and eyes, but beyond that his actual frame is relatively fair for a teenager in the TW style, and just... by the rules of biology. He definently reads as either a rather thin short guy, or one who's yet to go through puberty which kinda makes sense since he was recreated from a kid who likely had at best just started puberty and then fucking diED- He has the broader shoulders (not as much so as say Idia but similar to Epel, Riddle, Ruggie or Kalim). He's skinnier than most of them so it's not one to one but he is similar. Head size when compared to his body is again similar to Epel and Riddle (no surprises there) And he has relatively well sized arms and legs, that are much more similar to other NRC students than say... Cheeka, for instance, who if he had the body of a 10 year old he would look MUCH closer to. Also it should be mentioned that he is significantly different than silhoette Ortho (who is about 8-9 years old). He is taller, with longer hair, MUCH stronger shoulders and an overall more varied silhoette in terms of shoulder/waist/hip ratio. He was clearly modelled to look older than Ortho when he died, and matches well with the other 16 year old characters on that front. Also, short guys exist. Like... Ortho’s Height guys, who are adults, not even teens. I feel like this is sometimes forgotten... 

 When it comes to his voice, yes it is rather high pitched for a guy, not helped by how expressive he also is (which I'll cover in the Expression section), however he is still at the end of the day voiced by a Male VA, and while not a COMMON voice type, I know a few guys with similar voices. Also, mind you, short/young looking men already exist in the game and are generally not called that. The main example is Epel, obviously. However he is not treated like a kid, potentially because of his actual inclination towards traditional masculinity (wanting to be tall, and buff). Same with Riddle too. He wants to be taller, and sees his short height as a detriment, while Ortho does not. Epel also wants a deeper voice, while Ortho does not, etc. However, I think his physical appearance and traits are not the main reason he's called a kid. But rather, his expression, as well as his much more subtle forms of maturity. 

Expression

Ortho acts in a way many may consider 'childish', especially with his expressive voice, strong mannerisms in terms of hand movement, 'juvenile' interests, and his generally playful movements in his chibi animations. However, while yes these things are associated with kids, you know what they're ALSO associated with??? 

 DING DING DING! Correct! 

Neurodivergent people!! :D 

Who get infantilized often for doing things like... hopping from side to side on their feet, or having strongly expressive (or inexpressive) voices, holding very strong fixed interests in things like video games, etc. Well... isn't that a coincidence. Ortho has all those traits (and more, including things like literally having to RESEARCH social cues and norms from things like films,  extremely strong sense of justice and somewhat black and white thinking, masking behaviours for negative emotional states or social incongruence, etc). .3. While I do think that to some extent these traits were, in universe, meant to represent the childish side of Ortho, we must also remember: Ortho is an ever changing AI, that so closely approximates a person he may as well be judged as one. And when putting that into context, his traits moreso seem like his chosen form of self expression. Because he has moments of being serious, or quiet and mature, in vignettes and the main story. He just choses to not act like that all the time for one reason or another. :P 

 Also, just to put it a bit into perspective, Kalim actually has a very VERY similar in expression to Ortho. Arguably you could say he acts even MORE 'childish' than Ortho does. He's extremely expressive in voice and posture, he's very positive and passionate and sweet, he's not the best at taking care of himself or taking responsibility for things, etc.

I don't think Kalim is a kid though, nor does most anyway. He's got his dumb or uncareful moments but he is also a housewarden, and has a slightly more 'normal' voice and build for someone his age... but if his expression is not childish, why is Ortho's? 

Emotional Maturity

 Oh boy- Ortho's emotional maturity is like... honestly insane. And mind you most of this is just from in game, and to put it into perspective I'll be comparing him to none other than his own Big Brother IDIA SHROUD!! 

Wee :D. Ok so... 

Ortho is a helper around Ignihyde dorm, and it's kind of implied he does things for both Idia and the dorm in several vignettes, like cleaning, grocery shopping, and other chores (based on vignettes and his Guest Room dialogues). He's also smart, good with handling emergencies like injuries and other medical issues, high stress situations where he has to make hard decisions about what/who to sacrifice for one reason or another, etc. 

 Idia is the housewarden of Ignihyde dorm, and is shown to be much more challenged in most of these regards. He doesn't take care of himself and his space much, though this is moreso due to severe depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses, which is understandable. He has been shown on several occasions to just... shut down when important decisions need to be made. And he forks over many of his own responsibilities, housewarden duties, emotional labour and other things like that on Ortho all the time, while not considering Ortho’s own feelings very much. He does grow from this and get more involved and serious when STYX is involved, and post Book 6 generally, but he's still not as skilled at it as Ortho.

 Not to mention Ortho's emotional knowledge and maturity. This boy can read people's emotions almost unnaturally well due to his research and some sensors and context reading, and he has been shown on several occasions to put his own wants and needs aside for the sake of others, especially his brother. He comforts Idia whenever he needs it, and is always putting on a bright smile for everyone around him, even when he is implied to himself be at least somewhat upset. Because he knows that sometimes that's necessary.

Psychological Development

 Also if we talk about emotional maturity, I shall also bring Psychology into this and discuss a bit about Adolescent brain development. Generally this development starts around ages 10-14, and continues until the ages of about 23-25 in most children, though it tends to start a bit earlier for AFAB people than AMAB people on average. Here are some key things that develop during this time: 

 - Sense of identity (Generally begins to solidify around 16-19, and becomes rather fixed though obviously not concrete, around the ages of 23-25) 

- Understanding of in the moment cause and consequence, as well as reasoning. (Varies, but often solidifies around ages 16-25, but is very very variable). Teens and young adults are extremely impulsive because their frontal lobes are not fully developed, meaning they are at least partially incapable of having strong future based reasoning in the moment. Of course they have the ability to rationalize large consequences, or look back in hindsight, but in moment to moment action they're less likely to be rational, and more likely to do things that may jeopardize their education, reputation or even life. 

- Friend Group formation. This is an essential part of the early to mid teen experience, since teenhood is when most people start to see their strongest bonds shift from being within family to outside of it. 

 - Understanding and Empathy. Proper Empathy by definition is usually present by age 6, however teen years are often defined by a unique form of self-entitlement and self-focus (though unintentional) that may cause issues with empathy. This is mostly due to having to navigate extremely complex emotions and experiences all at once, and because they can be so variable it takes several years of experience to build up true empathy, ESPECIALLY for adults such as parents/teachers, children, or otherwise people outside the age group.  Mind you, all of these CAN be achieved at much earlier ages than the ones presented here. The numbers here are general averages based around how one is socialized as well as average rate of brain development, however it is still generally limited by age GROUP. So someone who is in the 10-13 group may not be able to develop the traits more associated with ages 17-19, but someone 14-16 could.

 Now... take a guess which of these milestones Ortho has passed?

I'll spare you the wait. 

It's basically all of them. (Not entirely of course, he still has much to develop, but the development of most of these has at least gone a decent ways.)

 Ortho's identity, while still fluid, is clearly extremely centred even when we first meet him in game, and in all his cards he's seen to be rather consistent regardless of who he's with. He's curious, playful, cheeky, extremely intelligent and also notably EXTREMELY empathetic to the point of being almost scary (even if that empathy is not always... accurately placed if that makes sense) . Also he identifies a lot with Freshmen even before becoming one showing he views himself in a similar age range. And not just in an emotional way. While yes, Ortho clearly has empathy for others in the base term, it goes deeper than that. He is able to understand when he should be more strict, and when to be more lax. When to try and push someone to be better and when to be emotional support. He has a very deep understanding of what makes up people's minds and intents (known as Theory of Mind, which usually solidifies between the ages of 17-21 on average, though starts development around age 13), and acts accordingly. This can be seen in many of his cards. He is able to assess why Trein's cat was upset easily, and handled him with care (until he blew up the tree :P). He was able to see that Idia needed time alone when he didn't go to the Entrance Ceremony, and put his own want (to go with Idia, or go at all) aside to be there for him, and when Idia was becoming too reliant on his lab coat, he took it away (knowing it would only inconvenience him a bit), and also after warning him that it could have potential consequences (which it did have. He started a rumour about being some crazed ghost which Ortho deciphered as being about him IMMEDIATELY) Also on that note, he's acutely aware of cause and consequence, and has extremely strong reasoning skills. Not only is he clearly very good at pattern recognition (by virtue of being a robot), but also he has been shown to often be one of the most consequence aware characters. He understand the importance of education, and of mental health, and of outfits and behaviours and so on. This is EXTREMELY uncommon until mid-late teens/early 20s.

Final Thoughts

Now, I am not saying he has the same mental maturity as someone in their early 20s (he’s no Leona), nor that he does NOT have his immature moments. Of course he does, he's 16, but the point I am making is that there is simply SO MUCH about him that is NOT childish, and also so much that IS. Because he's a teenager and that is 100% expected, normal, etc. Ortho is extremely knowledgable academically, personally and socially (not that he is always entirely accurate but he IS knowledgable, so once he knows what he’s dealing with he’s good at doing so) but also he’s pretty mature compared to many other characters. Not as much so as Leona, Vil, Lilia or Malleus, but he’s up there. Even though his understanding of social cues is AT TIMES lacking, he’s impulsive, he does not fully grasp human ideals, and he’s easy to manipulate because of his singlemindedness, he’s got a lot going for him in the maturity angle.

 I'd argue that his exact presentation, however is most similar in concept to Jamil. Both of them are smart, and careful, and extremely EXTREMELY perceptive, but keep that hidden under a mask of averageness or youthfulness. However what Ortho is MAGINALLY better at than Jamil is his self-prompted Self Reflection and ideological change. He can put aside his own feelings for the good of others, and compartmentalize and deal with his negative emotions. Not always in healthy ways... but in ways that were not SUPER destructive most of the time. Jamil can, and does as well, but his world view makes reflecting on himself a bit more diffucult because he’s so focused on external circumstances for most of the game (Besides Book 4, a bit of Book 5, and a LOT of Book 6). 

But back to Ortho: Ortho was able to forgive and still care for Idia even after his overblot. He was able to accept for a long time that he was not Idia's brother, but had to play the part anyway for his sake. He accepted that he would not get a lot of things he wanted, though admittedly not in the healthiest way all the time. Ortho don’t call yourself selfish for wanting things pls-... And, after all was said and done, he was able to get enrolled as a First Year at NRC... clearly showing that he is of similar maturity compared to the other 16 year old students. 

Ortho is a 16 year old. And all this and more is why I think this.

Further Reading/Sources in Game that support my points:  - Ortho’s Dorm Uniform Vignette: He directly states he thinks of himself as a freshmen, and it also shows his careful planning, knowledge of (and how to subvert) concequences, and extreme knowledge of emotions of others and how to use them against them. - Ortho’s Archetype Gear Vignette: Shows his empathy and knowledge of Animals and people - Idia’s Labcoat Vignette: Shows his knowledge of cause and concequence, as well as basically directly compares it to Idia.  - Ortho’s Burst Gear Vignette: Shows his ability to put his emotions aside for others, shows empathy and selflessness, understanding of boundaries, and overall a very mature and healthy and selfless outlook on life.  - Book 6: Shows basically everything I talked about in this Essay. From his being 16 from offhand comments and being admitted as a Student at the end of the Book, to his knowledge of cause and concequence and ability to reason well and think through that stuff fast, emotional maturity in how he comforted students as well as his own brother, as well as his immaturities like his selfishness, closedoff-ness from other students and extreme sheltering, etc, and neutral things I may or may not have mentioned like his near obsession with Idia that he was programmed to have that makes him biased in his brother’s favour, his hyperfixations and general excitability, a taste of his existencial nightmare of a life (OH I WILL MAKE A POST ABOUT THIS), etc.  - Ortho’s Stargazing Gear Vignette: Ortho’s selflessness and genuine care for Idia, emotional maturity and so on. - Ortho’s College Gear Vignette: He has an extremely good understanding of his general intellect and skill, is very self aware and sure in his identity, and shows a love for learning and changing and friend group formation, both eccencial to the teen experience.  Ortho’s Role in the Fairy Gala Remix Event/Fairy Gear Vignette: Shows his drive and passion, his understanding of concequences and clear both interest in the gala and understanding of it’s improtance, creativity, ability to act on others’ pity and other emotions, very good spacial reasoning and more.  Ortho’s Halloween Gear Vignette: Him being similar to Kalim <3 Book 5: Ortho has some appearances in Book 5 and it shows both his playful teendome, as well as his emotional intellect, care for his brother, support for him even if he doesn’t find a situation ideal (since he knows he’s doing his best), etc. :) I will not be mentioning Book 7 as I have not read it yet, nor his cerberus gear. Mind you these sources are not extensive, just a quick list I made to prove a lot of my points but not all. :P I will expand upon them in future posts.  That is all!! Have a great day everyone and hope this made you think more about the amount of effort subtly put into Ortho Shroud and his characte

[alpaca-clouds]

Sexuality in a Solarpunk World

To end out my rambles about sex positivity, let me talk about what the relationship between societies and sexuality would or should look like in a Solarpunk world under the perspective that a Solarpunk world should be somewhat utopian. This holds true both in the idea of a Solarpunk future we might wanna strive for - as well as worldbuilding a fictional solarpunk worlds.

Solarpunk worlds need to be Sex Positive!

The entire sex positivity vs sex negativity is about so much more than just a relation with sex. Because, in the end, we cannot have a world in which woman can have equal rights and queer people can exist in peace, as long as sex negativity prevails. Those things are all interconnected.

Sex negativity in the end is about control. It is about controlling people, controlling everyone, including even cishet men. Because sexuality (including asexuality) tends to be a central aspect of people. And the sex negative culture tries to control it and through it control people.

As I talked about. Sex negativity is very much about control. Women cannot like sex. Man have to like sex. Sex is only allowed in a monogamous relationship. Sex is only allowed between straight people. Sex is only allowed in a romantic relationship. Sex is only allowed in vanilla ways. And so on and so forth.

As such sex negativity is intrinsically linked with upholding the patriarchy. Sex negativity hence is also intrinsically linked with misogyny and queerphobia. It can even be linked with quite a few forms of racism.

To put it differently: As long as sex negativity keeps being upheld, you will also upheld misogyny and queerphobia at the very least.

Because of that, it has to go. We cannot archive utopia as long as sex negativity is the norm.

So, what should sexuality look like in a Solarpunk world?

I wanna bring in those core principles from the kink sphere: Safe, Sane and Consensual. If someone wants to have sex in a way that it is mostly safe, happens within sane parameters, and between two people who can and do consent... Then it is fine. You do not need to like it, but you also do not get to shame the people about it. Simple as that.

People get to be queer, without anyone questioning it. People get to be polyam without anyone questioning it. People get to be kinky without anyone questioning it. But also, people get to be just boring vanilla straight folks, without it being questioned.

As such sex education in a solarpunk world is also going to be not only accessible and comprehensive, but also mandatory within schools. Because kids have the right to learn about it - and because it will actually protect them from predation.

Basically it is just gonna be: Let people do their thing. Don't shame them. It's alright.

Because we cannot have a fair and equal society under a sex negative outlook.

[hivemuthur]

the Ilithid

Or - diving into the original AD&D lore form Monstrous Arcana by Bruce R. Cordell on types of Ilithids players can encounter.

Colloquially known as "mind flayers", Ilithids universally elicit images of horror and fear in the minds of surface dwellers and underwolrders alike. Ilithids shock and repulse other races due mostly to their practice of cephalophagy (...). This abominable habit has such power to appal that the saying "The 'flayer hasn't eaten yet!" was coined centuries ago to convey hope in the face of near-impossible situations.

So - hot topic, tadpoles! Originally, they come from mind flayer eggs, which Ilithids can produce only twice during their entire life. From those eggs, little, helpless tadpoles hatch after a whole month of extremely well protected incubation. And they remain so for another decade, thus it takes this long for a tadpole to mature and be ceromorphosis-ready. The tadpole survival count is 1:1000 - most of them get consumed by the elder brain which resides in the depths of the briny pool.

The criteria for ceromorphosis are also somewhat difficult, as the only acceptable races would be humans, elves, drow, githzerai and githyanki, grimlocks, gnolls, goblins and orcs. After having a tadpole inserted into one's ear, the magic begins - the process completely replaces the original tissue of the victim with Ilithid tissue, therefore - the original victim is dead. From this an Ilithid is formed - any they come in many shapes and sizes.

Generally, all of this makes Ilithids an extremely rare race to encounter (lucky original characters) and also - an extreme threat. As a society they highly resemble anything produced for Alien saga (especially Prometheus).

Arcane Ilithids Which in the lore are said to not even exist, since they are most likely the wrongly recognized type by those, who are not aware of psionic abilities effects. As per most of handbooks, psionics being different to spells, since the source of this power is science.

Ulitharids Or super-jacked Ilithids. Forming from tadpoles seasoned for not 10, but 20 years, reaching over 7 ft height and 6 tentacles and live for at least 250 years.

Elder Brain A sentient disembodied mind that resides at the bottom of the briny pool and initially is a conglomerate creation of deceased Ilithid brains. That makes it a united consciousness for all Ilithid colony. The elder brain suborns individual egos to the gestalt consciousness that suffuses it's mass of tangled, fibrous tissues. Generally, it reaches a 10-foot diameter in size (it is believed that the rest of the brain mass is shunt directly into a node of Astral Plane and remains unified with the elder brain on the Prime Material Plane).

Alhoons (Illithilichs) Rogue Ilithids! Basically undead magical adepts - strayed away from the collective consciousness and general Ilithid teachings to find their own way (in death, apparently). They "live" in solitude, being frowned upon by orthodox Ilithids.

Ilithid Vampires Exactly what is says on the cover - now eating both brains and blood. Their main area of inhabitancy is Demiplane of Dread. They are insane, not able to pass the curse to their victims and are being hunted down by their original race, since Ilithids absolutely hate them. Thankfully, no plague of vampiric mind flayers is imminent.

Urophions So, sometimes Ilithids experiment and do put the tadpole where they shouldn't. If it works, what they get is a very brain-thirsty but also not very comprehensive or mobile creature that ends up as an Ilithid watch dog. Some of them escape into the Underdark, in search of their true purpose.

Neothelids An insanely cool concept named leviathan slug by the author of the supplement. How does it happen? If someone or something kills the elder brain, the entire Ilithid colony around it dies, which leaves poor tadpoles with no food and care. As they grow hungrier, they, well... eat each other. Until the greatest tadpole survives. And the greatest tadpole still has to lurk around for little creatures' non-sentient brains. But with the right measures it will grow enough to finally eat a mind that thinks and this does the trick. Something called reciprocal sentience is triggered, creating a dragon-size neothelid, whose breath dissolves everything but brains.

[littlesparklight]

Hi! Hope you're having a good day (and if you're not, I hope it gets better!!)

My question has to deal with your writing - namely, what's the best way to get some of my more complicated/long-form thoughts to you in a way that would be comfortable? I would really love to leave somewhat comprehensive comments but I know that kind of thing can be a bit off-putting to many writers who write for the sake of fun. Since your work is so well-researched and grounded though, I want to engage with it on a level that suits the time and effort that's gone into it.

Do you, perhaps, accept entirely too-long tumblr posts as commentary? (Ao3 comment length simply is not enough unless you prefer like, twice and thrice replied to comments LMAO)

Hello. <3

It's been a fine day so far, thank you!

I'd love that, actually! I love any and all types of comments, but if you or anyone else wants to dig into it and leave longer ones I'd be delighted!

I'll be honest and say that yeah, since I am writing for fun, if something/a character really didn't work for a reader and they think it should be rewritten in [x] way or shouldn't be there or whatever, that's not really interesting or helpful to me to know. The fic is out there; it will not be changed dfhvdfj The only thing getting rewritten at some point is Helen's section of the relevant Moira chapter because my god it needs it.

Aside from that, though, hit me up! And honestly, I would be more than fine with chained comments on AO3 if they really get that long, keeps everything in one place/connected to the fic! But if that's too annoying for you, haha, yeah, I'd be fine with tumblr posts as commentary instead.

[azullumi]

do u have any tips on how to get ideas and form thoughts 🚕 i love ur fics !!! how do u get inspired :O

i will try my best to answer your question in a comprehensive way nonnieeee!!

a few tips that i can give in getting writing ideas and forming thoughts are:

write all of the your ideas down in a notebook even if u think they are cringy or corny (sometimes those ones turn out the best). i have a notebook of ideas and i’ll show a page of how mine looks like; it doesn’t have to look organized haha i like mine messy and cluttered. basically, you just put everything you want there and you can look through it when you’re running out of ideas or when you want to look for a certain something

read a lot!! i know it can be kind of cliche but reading books will help you more in writing. trust me, i swear.

don’t be afraid to use prompts or tropes for your ideas. that’s all yeah.

you can use your experiences like real-life interactions, events, and such!! (i do it all the time and it really helps in creating somewhat realistic situations that feels so real and fleshed out bcs its what happened to you). also you could twist it into your narrative like how you wished the situation should have happened and ended and what you wished you heard or said. writing gives you the freedom of imagination and lets you express your thoughts and feelings without repercussions

just let it all happen. just write, vomit those words out, let your thoughts spill into your writing, just let it happen. you don’t have to worry of the grammar as you write, you can check that later.

challenge yourself in writing!! you are free to write whoever and whatever you want. you have the freedom in your hands but you must be aware of the boundaries or lines that you must not cross ^^

keep on writing (never back down never what!?) ignore the grammatical errors, the mistakes, everything, it’s all part of the experience. as long as you’re enjoying what you’re doing and you love it (learn to love the art of writing)

anywaysss!! i’m glad that u love my fics AUGHHH <33 it makes me happy gosh and to answer your question, honestly i get inspired mostly by song lyrics!! listen to music as you write, it will help i swear. it helps set your mood and give you more ideas toooo!! i tend to get inspired through many things so there’s that ^^ I THINK THATS ALL? I HOPE I WAS HELPFUL AND I MANAGED TO ANDWER UR QUESTIONS 😭😭 pls dont hesitate to ask for clarifications and such bcs i can be confusing at timessss MWAA TAKE CARE AND STAY HYDRATED

[multiplicity-positivity]

Sorry if this ask gets broken or send more than once, tumblr likes to crash on my phone a lot oops!

Anyhoo, any advice for creating a headmate?

We're a traumagenic system, so we never had any control over when we split new headmates. But I'm a fictive of someone who's a twin and I really miss my brother and would really really love it if he could join us in the headspace, I think he would really like my headmates and they would be very receptive of him <:) I talked to the others about it and they said they think its okay for me to try as long as we do so in a healthy way.

But I dont know how to split a new headmate in a healthy way. Im obviously not going to purposely put us through stress and/or trauma to encourage a traumagenic formation, that'd be unhealthy. BUT I dont know how to help form a headmate in a non-traumagenic way... Do you have any advice or tips? I know theres lots of ways to willingly form new headmates, but I dont really know how to utilize them.

Thank you so much in advance!!

Hi! This is pretty tricky, and in general we’d advise traumagenic systems to make sure they’re in a safe place/have made significant progress towards recovery before attempting to create a headmate. There’s a lot of ways something like this could go very wrong if proper care is not taken! That being said, you do know yourself and your system better than anyone else! So if you and your system believe attempting to create a headmate is the right thing to do and the best move for your system, we’re wishing you the best of luck, and have some resources we can share.

All of the best resources we’ve found so far we’ve compiled in our resources post for questioning systems.

That post ^ has a whole section for plurality that is non-dissociative disorder specific, with tons of links to guides and resources on how to go about creating a headmate. The paromancy (called “tulpamancy” in the links) guides are probably the most comprehensive, with tons of information on creating a paro/thoughtform, which is a type of nontraumagenic headmate.

Y’all might also find it easier and less high-stakes to visualize this person as an imaginary friend or an aspect of your headspace. Lots of systems have NPCs in their headspace which have limited autonomy, but aren’t actually full-fledged system members. You can visualize an NPC in the same way you visualize a setting or object as a part of a headspace - we have a little headspace primer which we’ll link below which might help if you choose to go this route!

If you start out with this potential headmate as an imaginary friend, and they ultimately start to feel like a part of the system, there’s a term for that! It’s called imagi, and you can read a bit more about it on Pluralpedia:

Hopefully this helps at least give you somewhat of a starting point! And if we may, a final word of caution:

Creating a headmate is a big deal. Often this is something that will last forever, and cannot be easily reversed. What is so so important to understand, is that once this headmate can think for themself and are afforded some autonomy and agency, they may make decisions or choose to be something that no one in your system ever would have anticipated.

This means thy may want to separate from their source. They may not act, look, or view themselves the way the twin from your source would have. They may not arrive with source memories, and may not see themselves as your twin at all. In many systems, headmates act and function as their own individuals, and feel happiest when they have their own agency and get to make choices about how they present and interact with the world. This means, there is a chance that any headmate you create won’t live up to the standards you’ve set for them beforehand. We’re not saying this sort of thing will happen 100%! But there definitely is a chance of this occurring, so it’s best to be prepared in case it does.

In the end, this is your choice and a choice to be made by your system! We just hope y’all are understanding the consequences of doing something like this, and know that no matter how you envision your new headmate at the beginning, there’s nothing certain that will keep them that way as they grow and develop on their own. We hope your potential new headmate will be understood, valued, and respected for who they are as they are, and not who others hoped for them to be!

Sorry this got so long! Good luck with everything! We hope this process goes as smoothly for you and your system as it can!

🌸 Margo and 👻 Ghost

[pertinax--loculos]

2024 Goals

So, I know, I'm a little late for this given it's a solid week (or so) into the new year, but hey, better late than never, right?

My Real Life this year will primarily involve working to pass my course in order to become fully qualified in my new job. Fortunately, from about June onwards, that's going to give me a fair bit of time to work on writing, so I figured I'd try and put down some relatively specific goals regarding the WIPs I have.

My biggest issue with writing is finishing things. Since I joined writeblr, I've gone from having no WIPs in anything approaching a complete state, to three completed first drafts (Absent That Night, The Monstrosity, and Miles To Go) and one completed zero draft (Psyche Shards). That in itself in astonishing for me, but I'd also like to continue to work towards having 'publishable' (read: clean, cohesive, comprehensible) drafts. With that in mind, this year I am going to work on four projects.

Project One is going to be the Vibes WIP. This is my 'first draft' project, ie something I'm starting without a whole lot of words down. I'm also approaching it in a novel way for me (working from vibes), so it's somewhat of an experiment in that sense as well. This is the project aiming to feed my need for discovery and chucking in cool shit that occurs to me over the course of my life.

(It's also pretty heavily linked to my new job, which is part of the reason I've decided to make it a key project this year. Any luck I'll be able to twist most new ideas/inspiration to fit within the scope of what I'm writing. Plus the actual form of the WIP is experimental enough that I can probably chuck in other random inspirations as well and deal with it later.)

Project Two is Psyche Shards. I have a (pretty much) complete zero draft for this, so I'll say the aim is to finish draft 1.5. This will be another new experience, in that I'll be writing from what amounts to a detailed outline; something I've never done before. I hope it will help me to pin down a process that allows me to finish more WIPs -- if writing from the zero draft works to keep the wordcount down to something reasonable, and is faster than my normal sort of draft one, then it will help to inform how I approach WIPs from here on out.

(I should mention, regarding wordcount, that the zero draft is 27k words. Not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I am a chronic fucking overwriter. So I'm hoping that having what I need to put down in front of me will help quell that issue. There's also issues with the climax of this WIP I still need to work out, but I think beginning to draft it in earnest will be the only thing that will fully help with that.)

Project Three is Absent That Night. 🥳 I've been saying for, like, over two years now that I'm going to write a second draft of this beast, and it's becoming my white whale, so it's about time I knuckle down and give it a go. It's intimidating as fuck because of how much I need to change, but I owe it to Latrell to sort my shit out, because it's a story I would really like to tell, and I cannot write either of the two sequels I have planned if I haven't wrangled the first installment into something coherent.

Project Four is theoretical, and a project-of-grace I'm giving myself in case I'm smacked with inspiration that just won't go away. I am going to try and make this a relatively high bar, however. I have an 'inspo' document where I can jot down notes and vague ideas, and I'm going to primarily use that for new ideas. If something does persist and develops on its own without my having to take time to sit down and think about it, then I will allow my muse to take me where it will and consider it project four.

(Ideally, I'd like to close out this year without touching a Project Four. Because, as I said, my main problem is starting things and then not finishing them, and this sort of random inspiration is a key reason why that happens.)

So there it is! Three/four key projects that I would like to work on for this year. I don't yet have any dates or deadlines regarding them, because up until March work is going to take priority and I don't want to stress myself out too much with anything else going on. However, I'm hoping to do a monthly update for the start of the year letting people know where I'm at, and if/when I get properly into working on any of these projects I'll increase the frequency of updates and sharing.

Another goal I have is perpetual, which is to be more active on here. I'm working on actionable steps to make this a reality, however, and I hope that that will bear fruit. There are far too many amazing, talented people on my dash to not spend at least some time on here every week. So I apologise to people who like numbers and deadlines (I'm one of them!), but these more ambiguous goals are the way I need to be at this point, and I'm enjoying the way they're inspiring me regardless. ^_^

What are you all's goals for the new year? Feel free to let me know! I'm way behind on what everybody is doing and would love to be updated by anybody who's managed to read this far. :D

[kyouka-supremacy]

i wanna hear your thoughts about black lizard <3

S U R E. I love the Black Lizards so much, in my mind they really are the closest to family the pm has. You have these two very dysfunctional traumatized kids made of:

Gin we don't know much about except that they grew up in the mafia and have a brother who literally doesn't know how to express any emotion that isn't raw primordial rage

Tachihara who like. Where do I even start, since childhood had major younger sibling complex™ that evolved into trauma when said brother died in war making him also develop major revenge complex™, was dysfunctional to the point of becoming a thug to cope with his complexes, got caught and recluted by the fucking police that on top of likely body modifications assigned him to be a spy at (makes some very quick calculations) 16, apparently, to the major criminal and most dangerous organization of Yokohama

They both found themselves working in the mafia under pretty similar circumstances, two (by the looks of it) non ability users yet nonetheless exceptionally skilled mafiosi which allowed them to climb the ranks of the pm pretty quickly. Their similar positions and complementary skills made them perfect fit to take part of an accurately schemed, all-comprehensive team that could carry out both long range attacks (Tachihara) and close range assassinations (Gin), accompanied by someone who could fill in anything the other two missed– a pm veteran, powerful ability user with enough experience to handle any escalation, and also pass on his experience to train the next generation of pm high ranks. That's how the Black Lizard was born, a team set up with clinical precision, the perfect cold expression of what the pm is like under Mori. But it was never accounted to be a family! In fact, it probably started off on a rocky start, because what else would you expect by putting together two teens - let's say the Black Lizard was formed about three years after Tachihara joined the pm and one year before the current events, so when both Gin and Tachihara were 18 - who their entire lives never experienced a single interpersonal interaction that wasn't conflictual. Still, somewhat held back from exploding into extreme conflictual outburst by their intimidating senior (who very conveniently is also proficient in handling dysfunctional teens), Gin and Tachihara kind of… Start getting each other. Or at least, start thinking they do. And soon enough their shared experiences and feelings bring them closer than they ever felt with anyone else. Because they're both like, this guy gets it!! They get what it feels like having an older brother that is so distant from you you can't seem to connect with in anyway. They get what it means having to toughen up so to not give any chance to the world to hurt you, what it feels like to hide your soft core. Even despite neither of them being aware of the other's secret identity, that's another thing they have in common and probably got them even closer. I've talked about it before but to me Gin and Tachihara became to each other the brother they always wanted but never had- someone you could take jabs with, share inside jokes, playfully send death threats to - overall, just the warm, genuine and fun feeling of siblinghood compared to the stiff and distant relationship with their older brothers that has hurt them a lot in the past (about that, at this point I truly fail to interpret the Black Lizard scene in chapter 5 any other way. “You're two minutes late” “Creepy ol' Gin's even later than me” “Ever the freak, ain'cha” “Enough, you imbeciles! Or would you prefer to be listed among the casualties?”: in no world the whole conversation between the three of them doesn't sound family-like. I can swear to you the Gin / Tachihara interaction is just the average siblings experience.)

They're so family!!!! They're so family, they make me cry. Chaotic siblings and their exasperated grandpa who loves them very much. The father figure neither of them ever had!! (I mean, Gin never had. Tachihara we can't exactly say, but if anything the little flashback of his family in chapter 73 doesn't look good). I think so much about Hirotsu and Gin specifically, Hirotsu taking Gin under his wing, Gin genuinely holding affection towards him to the point she'd even show herself more vulnerable to him and sincerely treat him as a father; in my headcanon, Hirotsu is the only person in the pm and thus the entirety of Yokohama to know Gin is a girl other than Ryuunosuke, Mori and Kouyou (and Verlaine? How are they related again?).

Idk, in my mind deep deep down Gin is a little more hopeful (or naïve, depends on how you want to see it) compared to Ryuunosuke; not that she trusts people (she doesn't), but she does believe some, very little people can actually be… Good, and well intentioned, which is a low standard but still better than Ryuunosuke believing all people are fundamentally always selfishly fighting for survival and the sorts (actually, I think Ryuunosuke is the exact reason Gin doesn't believe that, because knowing him taught her that even the most ruthless, heartless of people can still hold affection and dedication– and I'm talking about his devotion and utter love for her).

I digress, but you see how they're really this little family. They'd go on family trips and have card games and stay late at night to work on their plan for their next mission and Hirotsu would narrate exaggerated gangster stories to a Tachihara with sparkling eyes and Tachihara would make sure to cook for everyone and make a little more for Ryuunosuke too because one night Gin confessed to him she worries about how little he eats. They're family.

Except they're not. except Gin has her secrets and Tachihara has his secrets and Hirotsu has his secrets nobody can share with the others. And Gin and Tachihara are young and passionate and living the moment, are happy and satisfied with how their lives are now, whereas Hirotsu is highly perceptive and thanks to his sixth sense given from being a pm veteran he can read the signs and he just… Knows something's up with all of them, knows the good times won't last much longer; and yet can't bring himself to voice it because he loves his new subordinates / kids too much and really can't ruin their fleeting happiness, the first time in their lives they feel, more or less consciously, like they finally found a place for them. So it's all so bittersweet and tragic, you see what I mean???

Btw, Gin really doesn't have the slightest idea that Tachihara is a spy. Like, even worse than that, when she'll found out she'll first go through severe denial. She's going to hate him for that, like she never hated anyone before. And Tachihara is going to be so obviously heartbroken!! And it's so sad, because both of them are doomed to lose the closest brothers they ever had– in Tachihara's case, for the second time. It's so tragic.

Chapter 77… Man, chapter 77. Black Lizard is THE pm family, seriously. Just- I don't even know how to describe it: the warm and domestic and familiar feeling to the scene, the image of a family coming together again after having surpassed an hard time, Gin with her guard completely down and so serene, comfortable, ecstatic from the relief that despite all that happened all of them are safe and sound, and nothing else matters. The way Gin and Hirotsu cackle when Tachihara asks them if he's suited for the mafia. For Gin, the idea he isn't is absurd, insane– that's how Tachihara has always been, her mafioso coworker, her partner, friend, brother. For Hirotsu, it's the confirmation of that something is off he's already sensed so many other times; yet, he wants to reassure Tachihara, like a father would do to his son; he wants to keep the family together a little longer, as long as possible, cherish those last little serene moments where they can still be a family. And it's such a gentle, heartbreaking scene, the bittersweet knowledge that Tachihara knows that's the last time the Black Lizard can still be a family, Hirotsu who probably took a good guess on that, Gin being completely oblivious to it. How the image of the wounded bodies of Gin and Hirotsu - his wounds - is going to hunt Tachihara forever. I just love the Black Lizard so much!!! The tragic family who was brought together for one year which is alos probably going to be the only year of happiness the three of them will experience their entire lives which will change all of them profoundly to the point no one will ever be the same after breaking apart really does it for me (╥﹏╥)