#and then her saying sometimes things do get better and then she plays TEENAGE DREAM

[sapphosclown]

no it’s ok that i’m not going to olivia rodrigo guts tour no it’s literally fine idec

[monimccoythings]

Alastor x Daughter!Reader: Runaway I (Platonic)

So, what would it happen if Y/N after a lot of time at the hotel, decides to run off and explore the human world? Just like it happened in Helluva Boss I think. This is lighter than the others, but I really wanted to write this one. This could be interpreted as some AU of the Au or even set in the same series after a lot of time has passed.

I know the Grimoire doesn't really look like that and is in the ownership of someone else, but I was thinking that since Lucifer is the King of Hell, he should have at least a copy.

Reminder: Alastor is in hell for a reason.

Tw: Controlling behavior, possessive behavior, Alastor being a very controlling dad.

tags: @anonymousewrites, @nonetheartist, @littledolly2345, @sunnyx07, @ouroborostheunholy, @mo-0-o, @sydneyyyya @lbcreations-blog, @kiraisastay

Things have gotten much better for you since you first arrived. It had finally gotten inside your thick skull that this experience was for real. As crazed as Charlie's dream seemed to be, you couldn't help but believe in her and her goals, given her optimism and enthusiasm. You could say this place was safer than anywhere else you had been crashing for the last ninety years.

But the safety of a place didn't always come hand in hand with feeling safe. And there was only one person to blame for that: Alastor.

If he had been overprotective as a human, as a demon he was much worse. He didn't give a fuck about subtlety anymore. He knew the kind of people that were out there; in fact, he was one of them! Time had proved over and over again you wouldn't make it out there without his protection! He just wanted what was best for you and he also casually happened to know what it was! He was that smart, hahahaha!

As a minor, there was little you could do in Hell, you couldn't drink, you couldn't smoke, you couldn't have sex. So that just nuked three of the most popular hobbies there. Not that you cared much, but it just really left you with a feeling that you didn't belong among the guests and staff friend group due to your youth. The emotional age gap was quite something. And there were times where you felt like the tag-along-kid more than a part of the team.

It was really embarrassing to pull yourself up to one of Husk's stools, ask for the strongest he had, and get served some pineapple juice. He may get a few laughs out of your antics, but you just wanted to fit in.

Sometimes you played with Nifty, since she seemed to be the closest to you in age. Unfortunately, Nifty didn't seem to know any game that didn't involve cleaning or roach mutilation. (how was she even able to find a murderous point of view to Parchis???)

Charlie and Vaggie were too busy managing the hotel and attracting new customers, but you got a feeling they still wouldn't manage to fill that void you seemed to have.

Angel was like the big brother you wished you had had back when you were alive. He loved to gossip with you and Cherri; even when you didn't understand half of what they were saying, it felt nice having some kind of normal teenage stuff around. He also liked to nudge you towards some potential boyfriends, saying that you were in 'in the age' *wink* *wink*. Your dad did not appreciate that.

Alastor wouldn't consider himself a boyfriend blocking dad, Heaven's, no! Just a humble boyfriend murdering dad. So whatever idea of dating or just hanging out with other people your age was out of the question. As soon as you started talking to someone that was in the same age range as you, his shadowy form started to appear behind you and his eyes changed into dials, that was enough for anyone to start running in the opposite direction (he had scared away so many pontential guests it was unreal)

You couldn't even own a phone. Your dad insisted that 'his hotel, his rules'. Any technology that surpassed the 50s was out of the question. (they still didn't have a working phone). If he caught you with one in your hands, specially a VOXTECH phone, even if it was not yours, the battery suddenly started to heat to unbearable levels and you just had to drop it before it exploded in green flames.

Where was the fun loving dad you grew up with? The one that at least had the decency to be a bit more discreet? 'Dead at the prospect of raising a teenage girl!' He liked to say with a laugh.

You talked to Rosie about it, hoping she would talk some sense into him, and he had the nerve to act all innocent and oblivious! Like you were the one being unreasonable!

Somehow, this safe haven had started to become like a prison. You found yourself feeling suffocated and alienated from the others. When you were out there on your own you had lived in fear and trauma, which you hated with all what remained of your heart; but now that you were in a relatively safe place, you felt isolated and trapped. There was no common ground. You needed to breath, to live (or unlive), to enjoy life! You were not a little girl anymore! (҉Y҉e҉s҉ ҉y҉o҉u҉ ҉w҉e҉r҉e҉!҉)҉

So, one day, while helping Nifty clean and hiding from the Radio Demon That Sees It All, you casually stumbled into something very interesting at Lucifer's workshop. It looked like an ancient book, unlike those at the library which you had read and reread over and over again (One could read one too many times Mr. Waddles Goes to Church before it started to get old).

Something in that book drew you towards it, you knew you shouldn't look. It was probably full of ancient demonic knowledge, but maybe a teensy weensy peek wouldn't hurt, right?

Your face lighted up when you opened the book, (and not only because the light was coming from it). There were no words to describe what you found inside. You could see everything inside of it, it was like it was filled with everyone's dreams and hopes, you wondered how something as beautiful as that had ended up in Hell.

Without thinking, you touched the pages which felt warm to the touch. In response to your delicate caress, the pages started shining even brighter. You were so mesmerized by it that you didn't notice how the room was starting to fill with small orbs of light that started moving around you at impossible speeds, like a tornado.

Crafting materials, toy ducks and gizmos were sent around the room due to the force of the movement. But you didn't pay them any attention. There was something truly magical about the orbs' dance. It was enrapturing.

The door shot wide open, revealing Lucifer, Charlie and Vaggie with an horrified look in their faces. They were shouting something at you, but you could barely hear them, too lost in the orbs and their hypnotic dance. So distracted that you didn't feel the chilling presence that joined them until he spoke.

"Y/N, my dear? ." You felt a shiver run down your spine and your heart filled with the fear of a child who knows they have been caught doing something they shouldn't. You could perfectly hear his radio filtered voice, clear as a day, quiet as the calm before the storm. "Step away from that book, cherie. You could get hurt, and we don't want that, do we? ." He spoke with the kind of condescending tone one would use with a little kid.

A new sudden emotion emerged within you, something you had never felt before and never had any need for it. Anger. Who was he to stop you? Why did he always treat you like you were one of his puppets? Like you were another toy he could dress up and command as he pleased? Why couldn't he let you live?.

Feeling braver, probably due to the book's influence, you looked at his red eyes defiantly, once again touching the pages. Despite his permanent smile, you could tell he was getting angrier by the second.

"Y҉/҉N҉" His body was morphing, growing, eyes already changing to those red radio dials that gave you the chills. "I҉ ҉F҉O҉R҉B҉I҉D҉ ҉Y҉O҉U҉-҉"

"No!" You found yourself surprised at your own voice."I lost my life for you, I got sent here because I tried to protect you, I wasted my life because of you!" That last part came a bit more demonic sounding than intended. "Now. I WANT TO LIVE."

And with that, you were enveloped in a bright light and dissapeared.

For a couple of seconds, nobody dared to make a move. After what felt like hours, reality seemed to kick in and everyone sprung into action; Lucifer desperately searching through the pages of a suddenly very uncooperative book, just in case you had been sucked in, Vaggie was already establishing a perimeter around the hotel and search parties, and Charlie, poor sweet Charlie was franctically looking through every single room on that floor.

The only one who hadn't moved yet was Alastor. Already shrunk back to normal size, he seemed completely relaxed and chill in what could be considered an extremely catastrophic situation to any parent.

"Ah, must be those teenage hormones kicking in." His voice sounded as cheery and joyful as always. Almost like he didn't care. Lucifer shot him a venomous look, silently urging him to show a little care for his MISSING DAUGHTER. But Alastor had already retreated back into the shadows and returned to his radio tower.

If only they knew.

The truth was that Alastor cared. Way too much. He sunk his claws into the table while he fought against the deeply buried instinct in him to let himself loose and destroy everything in his path. The chains in his neck, glowed menacingly, a bitter reminder that he wasn't at full power.

He had lost you. Again.

He had you there, close enough to reach and you had vanished before he was able to do something. You had run away.

The mere thought made his hands shake with anger, antlers already growing twice their normal size. How could you? After everything he did for your sake, for your safety, y҉o҉u҉ ҉d҉i҉s҉o҉b҉e҉y҉ ҉h҉i҉m҉??? His smile looked more like a grimace and his eyes were pools of red hot rage. Oh, you were so grounded when he got you back.

Now you were out there, who knows where. All on your own. Defenseless, at the mercy of his many enemies without anyone, HIM, to protect you.

He sent his shadows into the city, he would leave no stone unturned no crackden untouched until he found you. He didn't care who he had to kill, maul or destroy. You would be coming back with him. Only HE could keep you safe, whetever you wanted it or not.

His desperation only grew when his shadows came back empty handed, the crazed look in his eyes combined with the slasher smile only made him look like the deranged psychopath he actually was.

You weren't in the Pride ring. He was even starting to doubt you were in Hell at all. What was the last thing you had said?

His non beating heart gave a painful twist when your parting words echoed in his mind. The bitterness and resentment in your voice hurt his tainted soul in ways no other person could have. His claws dug even deeper in the wood.

No.

All he wanted was to keep you safe back at the hotel, to ensure no one in this hellish landscape ever laid a finger in your delicate skin. He was just being a good father. You may not understand it, and probably never would. That's irrelevant.

He had found you again after nearly ninety years since that fatidic night when he lost it all, he was not going to allow anybody to take you away from him.

A theory started forming in his twisted mind. You had said that you wanted to live. Alastor was no fool, he knew what the Grimoire could do, in fact he had been dying to take a peek himself. Whatever you had wished, would have probably come true. His grin turned sour.

You had gone where he couldn't follow.

The mortal plane.

Who knew the kind of horrors you were facing up there? The kind of fools that would dare to disrespect the child of one of Hell's most powerful overlords?

He couldn't go there, at least not physically. If he could synchronize his radio frequency with the ones on Earth, he may be able to locate you before some fuckwad up there decided to have their way with you.

"We're on air"

[strongheartneteyam]

Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!human!reader/female!dreamwalker!reader

Chapter 3

CW: angst, reader is a loner, reader works her ass off every day at the lab, fluff, neteyam being cute towards reader (even tho it still has weird vibes lol), mad jealous neteyam, TRIGGER WARNING for depression symptoms (such as being moody n having less appetite than the usual), stalking, obsessive and toxic behavior, also TRIGGER WARNING for reader mentioning the word “suicidal” in an internal monologue (she IS NOT actually suicidal, she just feels really sad and mentions the word. if u read it, you'll know what I mean)

Not proofread. I'll do it as soon as I can ♡ I hope it's a good chapter 🥲 & thank u to everyone who's reading this fanfic, who left a comment in the last chapter and, of course, to everyone who asked to be in the taglist I LOVE Y'ALL 😘💕💕💕

Chapter 2

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Mother looking at me

Tell me, what do you see?

Yes, I've lost my mind

(...)

Will I ever be free?

Have I crossed the line?

All the things she said, running through my head

All the things she said (t.A.T.u)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You woke up feeling like crap that morning.

Your last shift had been so demanding. You had to cook just so much food that you started to wonder if there was anything left in the pantry. You had gone into that room just so many times yesterday to get ingredients and kitchen utensils, your legs felt heavy and sore now, as you stretched them in your small bed.

There were just too many people to eat in that damn laboratory.

Meanwhile you, the cook, barely had any time left to eat. There was always just so much work to do. So many dishes to wash, so many vegetables and meat to cut, bread to prepare from scratch... Your head hurt just thinking about it.

You felt so stressed out that you preferred to unwind a little instead of eating, sometimes. You would find a quiet place, sit somewhere, put your headphones on and press play on one of your many curated playlists or in one of your favorite songs. Listening to music seemed to work like a medicine to your wounds and, going to the cafeteria and having to socialize, to have people all around you felt too much, so, you just tried to avoid it. You even started to lose a little weight because of it. Nothing too much, though. You were only slightly thinner than you used to be. But in the back of your head, there was always a voice saying "Please, take better care of yourself...". Despite knowing that voice was right, you were too tired and apathetic to care.

Ever since you started to Dreamwalk, it was like your whole world had changed. That old life you led did not seem to be enough anymore. It never was, in the first place. It could never compare to the heightened senses you had when you were in your Avatar, helping you smell and hear everything better.

The first time you spent a whole afternoon running alone through the Pandoran forest next to Hell's Gate, you felt alive like you had not felt in years.

But nothing gold can ever stay. Way sooner than you expected, you had to be awakened from that magical dream. Everytime you came out of the technological machine you had to lay inside of to be able to drive your Avatar, you thought "Damn! Why wasn't I born a na'vi? They're so freaking lucky to have such an incredibly beautiful Planet to call their own. If only Earth was still as beautiful as it used to be..."

When you were not in one of your free days, you would always work until you felt exhausted and fed up with everything. It was not a walk in the park to be a cook. Even though you loved cooking since you were a teenager, when you used to always mix different ingredients and spices and create new recipes, this profession forced you to spend most of your time standing up and to have little time to sit and rest your poor fatigued legs. In some days, all you wanted was to sleep for 12 hours straight. And God knows you were capable of actually doing that.

Not a long time ago, you slept so much that, when you eventually woke up, it was 2 pm and you almost got fired from the lab when you finally showed up at the kitchen you were supposed to be in since 6 am.

You promised yourself you would never do that again. You just could not afford to lose that job. And you wanted to cry just thinking about not being able to Dreamwalk anymore. Exploring Pandora was the peak of your life, currently. It was when you felt high as a kite. As funny as it sounded, it was true. You felt euphoria run through your body everytime you got to have blue skin and be over 8 feet tall.

You liked to cook and was good at it, but, you were a smart, intelligent girl who knew much more than people thought you did. Unfortunately, you could not manage to get a higher position at the lab. Your forte was not sciencey stuff. It was subjects like Human History, Languages, Philosophy... At best, you got to use your language learning skills to learn basic na'vi fast and was able to get an Avatar from the lab. At least that was a good thing that your tiring job provided you. God knows that privilege was one of the few things keeping you alive. You goddamn hated you life, your job, everything... All your days seemed to be the same. Same chores, same annoying people... Most scientists did not try to hide that they did not see you as an equal. Even though they were always really polite to you, they would not let you in in their little groups, in their upbeat conversations through the laboratory corridors. You could count in one hand how many of them used to talk to you with genuine interest in hearing what you had to say.

You sat every day next to the less valued lab employees: janitors, cleaning ladies, other cooks just like you and so on. Your race had never been good at realizing the worth that these hardworking people had, anyway. Why would they do it now? You thought it to be so sad...

Those employees were nice regular people. Even thought some of them were idiots and treated you badly, there are people who behave like that anywhere. You were thankful that most of them were polite to you and treated you well enough. You also had a close friendship with one of the female employees, a cute, humble and really kind girl called Crystal. But she was your only actual friend. You did not remember the last time you had made an actual effort to make a friend, to be nice to someone in hopes you could get to know them better and they could become a part of your life. You had to admit you had been really grumpy lately.

You could easily blame such moodiness on your lack of will to keep living that life you currently had. It’s not that you were suicidal, it's just that you wished you could live a better life.

There was also Derek, the tall, cute boy you would make out with every now and then. You did not have a proper name for your relationship with him. He was always lovely towards you and you two would have really interesting conversations together and sneak around to kiss each other and do other types of heated stuff (though you never had sex with him) anytime you both felt like it. But it did not happen that often, anyway. You did not put much thought into it, to be honest. Derek was just a friend you would fool around with. You could not be farther from being in love with him or anything of sorts.

After another tiresome day, you walked fast towards your room. All you could think about was how nice and cozy your bed would feel when you would lay your body on it. Only five minutes after you finally laid down, you fell asleep. Slumber had been bugging you all day. Lately, it had always been like that.

They say you have to be careful what you wish for. That your words and thoughts have power over what happens to you. And you learned it the hard way.

In one of your infamous busy but boring afternoons, something unexpected happened to you.

Seemingly out of nowhere, a na'vi young man appeared outside of your glass window and tapped slightly on it. You almost choked on your own saliva when you saw that huge, blue creature staring at you with wide yellow eyes. A scream got stuck right in the middle of your throat, since you got so startled you could not get your vocal chords to obey the command your brain was sending them. What the hell was that na'vi doing in front of the laboratory? They did not use to come to Hell's Gate. And why was he looking at you through the kitchen window?

The na'vi boy just would not stop staring at you. His gaze was so intense it made you feel unbelievably uncomfortable. Suddenly, he pointed to the left. The big, ample door that led to the open area in front of the room you worked in was right at the same direction his four fingered hand was pointing to. You realized he was signaling to you that he wanted to see you outside of the lab.

You started to say, in your own mind: "What kind of weird situation is this?"

"Please?" You heard the alien plead in fluent English (he only had a typical na'vi accent), his voice coming through the narrow gap that existed between the glass and the window frame. His eyes reminded you of the eyes of a small kitten asking for food.

You got surprised by the fact that he was able to speak English. You wondered why he had learned it and who taught him the language.

You tried to reach for the door to try and inform someone that there was a na'vi around and ask if anybody knew who he was when you heard the alien say:

"Don't go, please! I just want to talk to you! I'm not gonna hurt you."

Your back was turned to him. When you turned around, he was smiling.

"It's incredible how you're even prettier up close."

"I'm sorry?!" You answered

"Oh, forgive me. My name is Neteyam. Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan. It's really nice to meet you." He was still smiling.

That name was familiar, Neteyam te Suli... Oh, of course! Neteyam was the son of the Olo'eyktan of the Omatikaya clan, Jake Sully. He was very famous between the na'vi and the humans.

Neteyam Suli was one of the most feared na'vi warriors out there. A great archer and very skilled with the knives the Omatikayas made themselves, he fought fearlessly against the recoms, including Colonel Miles Quaritch, an old enemy of his father. Quaritch used to lead the RDA soldiers when he was human, before being "revived" and given an Avatar body. He died in battle against the na'vi. But that did not mean that there was finally peace between humans and the na'vi race.

But why in hell was Neteyam Suli trying to talk to you? It is not like the na'vi liked the humans. On the contrary, they despised your race.

"Uhmm... okay. Nice to meet you..." You tried to be polite and peaceful towards the na'vi boy, like you were advised to be by your teachers, back when you were studying and training to get your Avatar "But I'm sorry, what did you say? That I'm prettier up close?" Your brows were furrowing, your face full of confusion. Despite all, you were calmer now that you knew you could communicate with him in English. Your na'vi was not the best out there.

"Yes." Neteyam's big amber eyes shone when he looked at your face. You were beyond dazed. "I've seen you before. Many times actually. But only from far away. It doesn't compare to seeing you right next to me." His voice had a weird warm feeling in it, like he was already acquainted to you. But how could it be? You did not even know who he was before he revealed his identity to you.

"When did you see me...?" Your mouth was slightly opened, so bewildered you felt

"Don't you wanna come outside so we can talk better?" He said, seeming excited.

"Unfortunately, no. I'm good, thanks." Neteyam looked sad after you declined his offer.

"Why not? I told you, I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise." He smiled faintly. You could tell he was hurt by your blunt answer.

It pained you to act like that towards him. You admired the na'vi so much. Damn, you even would choose to be born a na'vi if you somehow could go back in time, before you were inside your mother's womb and you could talk to Eywa herself. But how were you gonna trust him? There were some na'vi out there, his mother, for example, that hated humans with such a boiling passion. What if he took after his mother? You would be in trouble if he tried to kill you. Even though the na'vi were a peaceful by nature race, everyone has a limit, so, you had to be careful when interacting with them. You learned about all the genocide your kind had committed against his kind while simultaneously destroying his Planet slowly, in a cruel, despicable way. You honestly understood the contempt the na'vi felt when it came to humans.

You looked at Neteyam with honesty in your eyes and said:

"Please don't take this the wrong way but I can't really trust you. I know you told me you're not gonna hurt me, but, I'm still human. How can I know you trust me, to begin with?"

"I trust you because you're different. You're nothing like the others from your kind. You're more like my people. And I love that about you." Neteyam said, smiling at you.

"Can you please just tell me how do you know me? Because I've never seen you before. I've only heard about you because you're the Olo'eyktan's eldest son and Olo'eyktan to be. But you talk to me like you somehow... know me. I'm really confused, Neteyam." He felt his heart race when he heard you pronounce his name. Your voice sounded so sweet to his sensitive na'vi ears, making him move them somewhat to the sides. It was the same voice he heard in the forest, when he watched you talk to yourself saying how beautiful you thought some yellow, bioluminescent flower that you saw in the grass was.

"You're a Dreamwalker. I've seen you around. I love how much you seem to appreciate and respect my Planet instead of destroying it like the others from your kind do. That's why I think you're more na'vi than human." He chuckled happily and you got confused by his last sentence.

You had to admit he looked cute when his fangs escaped from under his upper lip whenever he smiled or chuckled. But you felt so weird thinking that.

"I'm more na'vi than human?" You were intrigued "What do you mean?" You laughed a bit and he continued on staring at you in an intense manner.

Neteyam heard footsteps approaching, so, he started to move just so he could hide. He did not want any other human but you seeing him. He knew he could not trust them as he could trust you.

"Wait! Where are you -" before you could finish your words, he was already gone.

The brown wooden door behind you opened and Derek appeared carrying a pile of plates in his arms.

"Hey, cutie." He walked towards the sink, leaving the dirty dishes there to be washed by himself when he would be back in the kitchen.

"Hi, Derek." You smiled faintly. You were still recovering from that odd interaction you had with Neteyam Sully.

Derek came close to your ear and whispered:

"Feel like meeting me tonight? I miss you." You sighed

"I don't know... I'm not really in the mood, sorry." You answered, uninterested

He got a little surprised by your answer and moved his eyebrows up, making wrinkles appear in his forehead but quickly remembered he had much work to do outside, so, he walked towards the door and got out of the room without saying another word to you.

Neteyam was still out there, next to the window, leaning against the wall. He was listening to the conversation the whole time. He had to use all the self control he learned to have with the years to not hiss when he heard that human call you "cutie" and ask if you wanted to meet him tonight. Who was he, anyway? And why was he saying he missed you? Neteyam had never seen you show any sign that he was your mate before. He had to find out what was going on. Neteyam would not let anyone get between the both of you. It would not be a weak human male that would be the obstacle that would make him give up on his future mate. He was used to challenges and was not afraid of another one. That would probably even be fun. Neteyam could imagine that tiny mate of yours shivering in fear when he showed him his big, sharp fangs.

Neteyam decided he was gonna find out who the hell that mate of yours was. He was sure he was not better than him. That human male would never be as strong as he was. That human would never be able to hunt fresh food for you, walking through the forests of Pandora and confronting big, dangerous animals, like Neteyam would. He knew he outbraved that human. He could never be a good mate to you like Neteyam could be. You deserved better than him.

༊⁀➷

Taglist:

@xylianasblog @samistars @crazy4books1 @nerdybouquetofkittens-blog @explosiongamora @lik0 @your-girl-mj @darktyrantwinner @xxunnie @sereisstuff @yeosxxx @die4niyahhh @henhouse-horrors @lala-1516 @iman-lu @manumanulau @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @hana-yuri

I tagged some of you that did not ask to be tagged but left really cute comments on the last chapter that made my heart feel warm 💓 if u don't wanna be tagged, just lemme know

Also, if someone wants to be added to the taglist too just leave a comment below saying that 🤍

[xo-zozo]

can you pls make crack tig hcs like make them really random and weird, those are always some of my favs. tysm

yes ofc!! i think that i’ve done some of these before so you can check my master list for the first part (CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW IM PUMPING THESE OUT LIKE)

| tags: @urbanflorals @reminiscentreader @nqds @annamatix @x-liv25-jamieswife @sophiesonlinediary @lyrakanefanatic @thatrandomlemononyourcounter1 @fortunatelyjollybeliever @123letsgobestie @off-to-the-r4ces /

jameson and xander played a big part in the music choice at libby and nash's wedding reception

lets just say that "country girl (shake it for me" by luke bryan was played and it was CHAOTIC

max listens to asmr to fall asleep and the xander found out so now she gets teased about it by the whole family

jameson had a phase as a teenager where he was addicted to energy drinks

jameson and grayson always manage to start a fight about chess and all of the games that they play together (chess yk) and it usually ends with them wrestling on the floor

jameson is obsessed with kraft mac and cheese and it caused avery to also become obsessed with it

they all like to go to amusement parks together (but they always have to have really heavy security which is annoying but yk)

avery and libby made their boyfreinds watch all of the classic shows when they found out that they hadn't seen them yet (friends, gilmore girls, gossip girl, etc)

only nash and jameson though becuase grayson refuses and xander has already seen them obv

they both have VERY strong opinions on the shows that they watch

jameson always tried new sports and stuff when he was a kid so now he's just really good at all of these random things

at their sleepovers avery and max do those random youtube videos that are like, "guess the song by the emoji" and max is a lot better at it for some reason

xander's dream is to go to a sza concert (he gives those vibes if you know what i mean)

grayson pretends not to like max but secretly he thinks that she's funny (even if he'll never admit it )

grayson was the one who first made jameson try alcohol as a dare (IT'S HIS FAULT HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC)

tiramisu has a lot of energy so she likes running around with xander and jameson in the back yard because we both know that they have the most energy

sometimes jameson will randomly comment on tiktoks about himself and then start a chain of people freaking out

for the short time that nash was an only child he was always scared of walking around the house by himself because he either thought he was gonna get lost or that something was gonna pop out of the shadows

avery makes jameson download grammerly of smth on his phone because she gets tired of all of his spelling mistakes

which he probably just does on purpose at this point to annoy her

[toomanyopinionss]

I want to talk about

Surviving Summer

(nonspoiler/spoiler)

hey y’all, it’s been a minute since i’ve done one of these. let’s get into it…😏

So i genuinely like this show. Just finished watching the second season, in fact.

I feel like it’s the good amount of cheesy and adorable and mind numbing without being too formulaic and basic like some of these Netflix originals tend to be. Now it can be annoying and cringy sometimes, don’t get me wrong. But it’s got some pretty good actors and actresses with enough heartfelt moments and playful scenes to make one feel content. She’s not a top ten, but she never tries to be, you know??

As for the show itself? Surviving Summer is the perfect name for it, because Summer the character? a HOT mess. I cannot stress this enough, the frontal lobes on that one are not fully formed. It’s especially apparent in season 1. Even so, i love her 🥰. I cant help it ok? She has the confidence that i dreamed of having in high school, and now tbh.

I won’t go to deep into every character, but let me just say this: they will ALL annoy you at some point. It’s so obvious that they’re teenagers, cuz they childish. But they all care about each other most of the time, and surfing. It’s a great summer watch! go for it, don’t be shy

7.5/10. Surface level fun with shenanigans galore and annoying teenagers.

SPOILERS

Y’all the second season was gooood. I liked it better than the first tbh. Summer, like i said before was much more serious and focused, but it didn’t change her personality at all, which i loved.

I liked how they got more into Bodhi’s conflicts with surfing and the racism in the industry on her end. If anything, i wish they had time to do even more with it. Because everything else they did with her character this season was just bleh. A half hearted conflict between poppy blown WAY out of proportion and a half assed queer relationship that was cute but barely touched on because hottake Netflix hates their wlws and their black main characters 🤭(oop who said that)

Poppy and marlon were cuteeeee. sidenote, who else forgot that bodhi and marlon had a thing, cuz i sho did 👀. they have such good chemistry and it just warmed my heart. SPEAKING of good chemistry…

✨“summer have you seen yourself?”

summer and baxter are the only mf choice, im SORRY.

immediately side eyeing anyone who says that summer and ari should be together, because i’m not sure you and i watch the same show. another steaming take, but I never bought into summer and ari. they are too sibling for me. i was taken ABACK when they kissed in season one. I genuinely did not see it coming. they play off each other nicely, but in a romantic way? NOPE, i don’t buy it.

but from the first scene with baxter and summer, i knew. it was intense. the casual touches, the instant bind they formed, the way bax looks at her 🤭…

you cannot compete where you don’t compare, Ari is not the one 🤷🏾‍♀️

anyone else? hmmm…

oh, y’all join me in a big FVCK you to Elo and Wren. they both suck actual ass and i hate them both.

it’s the way that they treat everyone like shit equally. even their own brother? like what the fvck is wrong with them?

like especially wren. being jealous and overly competitive is one thing. but they way she handled the bodhi situation, plus the way she outed her old teammate? literally bordering on racist and homophobic like wtffff. maybe a lil psychotic too, cuz why is she literally a threat to summer’s life? don’t take it out on her cuz your boyfriend is an indecisive disaster. at least they didn’t give wren a redemption, i would have been so pissed off like fvck her.

ok this is getting long. tldr, Season 2 was entertaining and fun. poppy and marlon were cute, summer was awesome, ari does not need a girlfriend, justice for baxter, and wren and elo will not be seeing the pearly gates.

[ukuraichu]

i was a teenage exocolonist is so fun so much so infact that i ran to my laptop to post my thoughts because i simply have so much to say and therefore have to type a lot.

ANYWHO. im going to document some things about my current runs. I've played the game twice and have amassed about 18h in the 2 days i've had it (woah.) so the hyperfixation is truly hyperfixationing. anywho x2. RAMBLING TIME. (under the cut)

SO IN MY FIRST RUN, i play as sol (they/them). i LOVE my dad, i love my mum but she's a little tough on me. i know she scolds me because she's worried about me and she just wants me to do well but it still. AHHH. i get frustrated and lash out sometimes. but i still love my mum. my childhood friend is marz, who i think is really cool but also i like to compete with her! she can't be the only coolest person ever. i don't remember what i picked as the augment though. ANYWAY.

i wasn't very close with tammy, but when she passed her presence was heavily felt. especially in the secret funtimes club. she would have loved to make friendship bracelets with us. i was enamoured by the very serious and focused and locked in autistic girl (tangent) who i grew up with. i went to classes mostly as an excuse to spend time with her and so that she would like me and pay attention to me, to think that we were of equal standing. her best friend was marz and i was jealous. i asked anemone to be my best friend and she said yes! but we grew apart over time anyway. I did some exploring, but not a lot of it. not enough to see a lot, but enough to sneak out with Dys. I explored and found a pet Hopeye, affectionately named Fungle (after the among us map LOL). I didn't know Dys very much though. he ran away, or went missing, or maybe blew up the colony when i was growing up. i never saw him again.

there was a famine and my mum died. my dad died soon after because of the shimmer. i never found out why. i just locked into robotics and engineering more and more. i named the little robot Ronaldine.

i don't remember the specifics of everything. the finer details are blurry. i just remember dedicating a lot of time with tang and spending time and time again with her, over, over, over. i didn't save the colony. we fell and died. also i didn't like the helios. but i was an obedient kid for the majority of my life up until my dad died and i started to become less obedient.

i grow old, i think. i made a lot of mistakes, but i still grow up. my partner at the time tang, becomes dejected and apathetic and hyperfocused on what happened to dys. i can't save her and she separates herself.

i start again

i wake up again

run 2!!!!!

this one went better. TLDR i saved tammy, not tonin or mum or dad i didnt know how. i become best friends with dys but also date his sister but also flirt with dys and his alien lover sym who i also flirt with but have to decline his advances because im dating tang and i cant tell her i made out with an alien </3. i also spent A LOT of time in the SFC, and work with marz to campaign to overthrow the government. also marz is one of my best friends in this run. also my nemesis, markedly, because i stole her dream job. but because im so close to sym like wow so close, he takes me to meet his big alien leader and is like. homie. i dont like humans but sym likes you and we could like. collab or something idk. like a peace plan. i accept his peace plan, im thinking so forward. so i bring about peace to the world. my mum and dad would have been so proud. i grow old and tang grows old and we break up but the love we shared was still there.

WAHHHH,...., thinking.

also i did NOT clock that tang was trans in the first run. when she said her body was modified i thought she meant. she literally used to be an actual robot. not genome therapy. my bad. love you tang. also when i become best friends with dys and he said he always knew she was his sister RAHHH it made me RGAHSGGFSDF because WOW. theyre literally SOUL BONDED whether they want to be or not. i want them to reconcile i need to get them to talk. idk how i build rex's bar but i WANT IT RAHHH

[dira333]

What’s summer to you?

Is it the city baking in the sun, popsicles and summerdresses like a sea of colorful wildflowers in between all the grey? Or the golden fields in the countryside, driving your bicycle next to them as fast as you can? 

Is it the sea with it’s salty breath or searching for a reprieve from the heat on a mountain top?

-

As a child, summer used to be spent in your mothers garden. There was always something to do, some poor plant in need of water or a tree to sit under when the sun burnt too eagerly. Even as a teenager you’re drawn to the quiet between the flowers and the trees, especially when they reward you with so much sweetness. 

“Here, have some pie.” You offer Yachi your bento box filled with cherry pie. Her eyes grow big as she takes in the desert. 

“Did you make these yourself?”

“Yes. We’ve got a lot of cherries this year. We’re making jam and juice as well if you want some.”

“I’d love to… Oh, this tastes so good, how did you-”

“Yachi!” A ball of orange stumbles through the door, “There you are!”

“O-oh, H-Hinata-kun, I-I’m sorry, d-did I forget something?”

“Not really, I just wanted to ask if you have time to go over English because Suga-san said we’re not allowed to train during lunch unless we get better marks.”

Yachi’s scrambling for her stuff, accidentally knocking into you and Hinata’s eyes move onto you. 

His smile knocks the breath out of you. 

Now you’re the one stuttering, asking him if he wants to try some cherry pie. He leaves with the whole box and you feel like you’ve seen the sun for the first time in your life.

It’s always like that. 

Hinata drops into your days unexpectedly and deliciously. A minute with him is as thrilling as summer break used to be. You long to be near him as if the heat of his smile could chase away the chill from past winters.

Three years go on like that and then he’s gone.

But even from the other end of the world, he warms your life. 

When you have to decide between an office job or your dream of working outside in a garden, you think of him, the heat of his enthusiasm and his never ending motivation and you go for your dreams.

When you have to decide between staying in Miyagi where you can call every flower by name or take your heart in your hands and make the terrifying move to Tokyo, you think of his smile and dare to live.

The sun, just like Hinata, moves behind clouds sometimes, to places you cannot see. 

But every day you tend to your plants and watch them grow you’re reminded that even if you cannot see the sun today there’s a point in growing.

-

What’s summer to you? 

Is it the time of the year you can play with your kids in warm water, run after your pets in the garden, kiss your spouse in the late hours when the sun paints them golden?

Is it the warmth that chases the chill of winter away or the unforgiving heat you can only escape by diving into cold water?

Summer is the busiest time of the year for you, the longest days the hardest hours, having drinks with Kai after work, dirt around your noses, sweat drying on your skin.

It’s laughter and silence and him poking you, day after day, telling you that he knows some guy you’d be interested in.

It’s finally agreeing to it, baking a cherry pie in the summer heat because your mother raised you right and writing your hands around the box containing it.

“So this is Kenma,” Kai introduces you, “He’s basically a cat in human form, you’ll like him.”

“Pie.” Is the only thing Kenma says before he plucks the box from your hands and shoos you inside.

“Kuroo,” Kai points to a dark haired man lounging at the kitchen counter, “Fukunaga and-”

“Hinata-kun?” The words slip out of your mouth before your brain has even registered who’s sitting in the middle of the room.

His face lights up just like the sun does before it dips into the ocean.

“It’s you!” He grabs your shoulders and hugs you close and you can’t help but laugh.

-

What’s summer to you?

Is it meeting the love of your life when you least expect? Is it loving someone for years and growing beyond it only to find them again?

What’s love but the warmth of the sun poured into a heart?

-

requested by @revasserium - if you find mistakes, please return them to the owner - me - and keep in mind english is not my first language

My Kofi if you want to tip me

[zalrb]

OTH Rewatch Review 3x07

IIIIIII DON'T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYNA BE LATELYYYYYYYYY

Jesus Christ

So, like, here's the thing about this fucking Inception dream sequence. What is happening? Is Nathan dreaming about Haley making out with Brooke after waking up from a nightmare about Lucas and Chris in bed together after Lucas woke up from dreaming about being in bed with Brooke? Because it's a dream within within a dream. I don't know what your subconscious is like Nathan.

Nathan's grin. I mean, technically you've slept with both of them. AND HALEY'S SISTER.

"What is she doing talking to that troll?" "By troll do you mean Peyton?" Oh, Haley. How I love you sometimes.

Because Peyton fucking SUCKS.

"I'm over possessive-best-friends-with-weird-lesbian energy. And Haley!" That was actually a good delivery but if anyone has the lesbian energy here, it's Brooke and Rachel.

"Well, at least somebody wanted me." Oh, preteen Zal was SO frustrated with this ENTIRE storyline.

"HALEY, YOUR BOYFRIENDS ARE HERE." lol.

"You look so..." "Overdressed." Good delivery. But also Haley, my girl, the SUN is out, why are you wearing a little black dress?

I mean "little black dress" this is still OTH.

They really felt uncomfortable in the clothes they had to wear??

This is so dumb, she's clearly going out with Nathan and Haley too, Lucas.

YOU ALL HAVE CELL PHONES. CALL HER.

Ugh, Skills.

"I've been on kinky dates before..." with who? I guess s1 Nathan would've done something weird.

Remember how s1 Nathan was like a legit emotionally, verbally abusive villain?

"Let's spring [the senior in the nursing home]! It's just a couple of hours, what harm could it do?" If this was a dark comedy, he'd die.

Chris tipping a random woman on the beach and slapping her ass is just ... ugh. She should've slapped him. Alas, Mark Schwahn.

Haley having a quiet but profound breakdown. Brooke, "It's OK. Let's just go to the mall." And she is being helpful and it is very sweet but that's also hilarious. Uhhh, sorry that your wedding spot is being destroyed, let's just go to the mall instead. You know? Nothing profoundly sad happens at the mall.

"I can't believe she's doing this." IT WAS A GROUP DATE, LUCAS.

"This guy has caused a lot of trouble, Brooke knows that." Lucas, the people that he caused trouble between WERE WITH HER GETTING INTO THE CAR. YOU SAW THEM.

I swear to god Lucas, I would hit you. SHUT UP.

24. Braley are such better friends than Breyton.

25. I REALLY wish we got more Nathan and Brooke scenes because they had a really fun chemistry together and I liked that they were both being courted by Haley and Lucas and they could both understand where the other was coming from

26. Haley's laugh at Chris saying "Maybe he's afraid of me" is hilarious because she stops and continues. But Chris shutting her up with "Maybe he doesn't care anymore" was mean but well-played.

27. It's funny how Chris Keller is a better Damon than Damon. Because he's not a good actor but he doesn't overplay it.

28. Aww, jealous Nathan

29. James Lafferty's shoulders are quite broad this episode.

30. Nathan is vulnerable and you were practically giving the enemy a LAP DANCE. I mean she wasn't Brooke but the exaggeration is very Brooke and also very high school. I remember in high school we were at a school dance and this girl's boyfriend was getting jumped outside while she was dancing with another guy and all of us girls were like WHAT THE FUCK??? [INSERT NAME] IS GETTING JUMPED AND YOU WERE BASICALLY HAVING SEX ON THE DANCE FLOOR! What did we expect her to do? Get jumped with him?? Teenagers.

31. "I didn't do anything!" "Except for kiss Chris and run away with him?" I mean, she's got a point Haley. "What about you messing with Lucas and hiding all those letters you wrote to him under your bed?" I mean, she's got a point Brooke.

32. "I know this is where we made love in the rain." I mean, it wasn't ON the balcony though. It should've been.

33. "I still feel our past just like you do" well especially considering that you were the one who was left.

34. Rachel calling Lucas gay because he's CLEARLY into Brooke and is like please stop getting naked around me because I LOVE BROOKE is hilarious because what?

35. Chris also getting Brooke more and more drunk so they can have sex is incredibly gross.

36. "All of the celebrity..." she had ONE original song and was doing covers and opening for actual celebrities? WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?

37. We could also talk about the fact that Nathan was the one who encouraged her to sing in front of people etc. etc. and she wouldn't have been a "star" without him in her life at all.

38. Mouth's reveal that Mel is his grandfather is ... OK? I know this is supposed to push Peyton to Ellie but meh.

39. "SHE NOTEBOOKED YOU?" "I totally Notebooked him" lmao these references.

40. Nathan keeping a flower from the beach is Lucas keeping a feather from Brooke's wings.

41. *SIGH* Brooke and Chris. What, it takes like two more episodes for them to be together?

42. I also absolutely do not believe that Brooke wouldn't have kicked Chris out of the house right after sleeping with him. She'd be disgusted.

[thesoulbound]

( starer from @no-imaveronica )

1992 was an odd thing to say. It rolled off of the tongue with a tinge of guilt that Veronica couldn’t avoid. She’d gotten away with the worst of the worst, blood on her hands that stained into a new decade, yet here she was living without a trace of evidence pointing her way for all of those deaths back at Westerburg. For all everyone knew, they’d all been unfortunate losses in an epidemic of teenage depression that had ‘just grazed’ Veronica, according to her parents. Now, she was thriving, yet the memories made her sometimes wake in a cold sweat.

The dreams were pretty vivid, even though Jason Dean was dead. She saw him clawing his way from the loose ground in which he’d likely been interred, if his father cared enough to bury him. Baying for her blood, maybe, or another chance to make things right if only to add her name to the list of victims in red ink later. She had to remind herself it was impossible, taking cautions to avoid waking Wesley in the middle of the night with her frantic nightmares. Guilt is what anyone would call it, but she’d done her best to move forward in a neat little one bedroom outside of Brooklyn with a Wall Street trader. Their life was good, and she had to play it off accordingly.

Days she didn’t have classes at the local community college left her home alone until about six in the evening when Wesley would be lugging in after a trip on the subway across the bridge, but today things were different. Seven came, then eight…

Rather than sit idle, she grabbed her coat and was about to open the door to exit when she came face to face with her nightmare in the flesh. Jason Dean. It had to be a hallucination, at least she hoped.

“No— NO. I’m awake and I have things to do and you’re not real.”

He shouldn’t have been alive after the damage she’d witnessed him take firsthand, but as she hurried out of the apartment, the physical contact with his form that she tried to walk right through made her hands come to her mouth and had her whirling around to face him with a gasp and horror in her eyes.

“How…?”

It had taken a long time to get to where he was today. It was kind of a miracle really considering going under the radar after being rightfully blamed for trying to blame up one of his old schools had been easier said than done. In the beginning at least. He was believed to be dead so that helped a ton.

The problem had been his father. Dealing with him hadn't been easy. Not because he cared, but JD had made an attempt to get as much money out of him as possible before he would put a bullet in him and make it seem like an accident.

Once that was done there were years on the road. Growing up. Growing better... or worse... who knew... At least growing up and moving away made it easier so shred the JD of Sherwood, Ohio. Without the gloomy dark hair and trench coat wearing teen angst look he looked almost approachable.

He hadn't even intentionally looked for Veronica at first until this very year. Surprising her would be mildly hilarious though she surprised him first by appearing out the door before he could even knock. Raising an eyebrow when she seemed to think she could push through him. "Bet I feel pretty real though," he winked.

@no-imaveronica

[mysticstarlightduck]

Playlist Character Personality Tag!

Let's go with some of the cast from What Lurks In The Hollow for this one!!!

Rules:  You choose a character that you want to talk about, then from your playlist, or even from the songs you know, you choose a specific song that most relates to your character and explain why you think that this song reminds you of that character by analyzing the song.

WHAT LURKS IN THE HOLLOW

Zach Taylors

"Please Don't Go" - Joel Adams

Nobody ever knows Nobody ever sees I left my soul Back there now I'm too weak Most nights I pray for you to come home Praying to the Lord Praying for my soul

Now please don't go Most nights I hardly sleep when I'm alone Now please don't go, oh no I think of you whenever I'm alone So please don't go

[...]

'Cause I don't ever want to know Don't ever want to see things change 'Cause when I'm living on my own I'll wanna take it back and start again

Dylan Millihan

"Children's Work - Dessa"

I grew up with a book in my bed I got these dark circles before I turned ten Heard my mother with her friends worry it was something she did To get such a serious kid

But I've learned how to paint my face How to earn my keep, how to clean my kill Some nights I still can't sleep The past rolls back, I can see us still

You've learned how to hold your own How to stack your stones But the history's thick Children aren't as simple as we'd like to think

[...] Tried to tell the grown-ups About the storm clouds, the weather in my head Hadn't heard the word for melancholy yet

Amy Millihan

"Seventeen - Heathers The Musical"

Fine! We’re damaged Really damaged But that does not make us wise

We’re not special, we’re not different We don’t choose who lives or dies Let’s be normal, see bad movies Sneak a beer and watch TV

We’ll bake brownies or go bowling Don’t you want a life with me?

Can’t we be seventeen? That’s all I want to do If you could let me in I could be good with you People hurt us

Or they vanish And you’re right, that really blows But we let go Take a deep breath Then go buy some summer clothes We'll go camping

Play some poker And we’ll eat some chili fries Maybe prom night Maybe dancing Don't stop looking in my eyes

Savvanah Hahn

"Complicated - Demi Lovato"

It's time for me to take it I'm the boss right now Not gonna fake it Not when you go down 'Cause this is my game And you better come to play

I used to hold my freak back Now I'm letting go I make my own choice Bitch, I run this show So leave the lights on No, you can't make me behave

Uh, huh, huh So you say I'm complicated That I must be out my mind But you've had me underrated Rated, rated

Uh, huh, huh What's wrong with being What's wrong with being What's wrong with being confident?

Liam Steele

"Cradles - Sub Urban"

I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep

I love everything Fire's spreading all around my room My world's so bright It's hard to breathe but that's alright Hush

Shh

Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh, no no) Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days Sometimes I can't tell if my body belongs to me

Tasha Strikehart

"brutal - Olivia Rodrigo"

And I'm so sick of 17 Where's my fucking teenage dream? If someone tells me one more time "Enjoy your youth, " I'm gonna cry And I don't stick up for myself I'm anxious and nothing can help And I wish I'd done this before And I wish people liked me more

All I did was try my best This the kind of thanks I get? Unrelentlessly upset (ah, ah, ah) They say these are the golden years But I wish I could disappear Ego crush is so severe God, it's brutal out here

I feel like no one wants me And I hate the way I'm perceived I only have two real friends And lately, I'm a nervous wreck 'Cause I love people I don't like And I hate every song I write And I'm not cool and I'm not smart And I can't even parallel park

My Taglist (-/+): @ray-writes-n-shit, @sarandipitywrites, @lassiesandiego, @smol-feralgremlin, @kaylinalexanderbooks,

@diabolical-blue @oh-no-another-idea

@cakeinthevoid, @clairelsonao3,

@thepeculiarbird

@the-golden-comet, @urnumber1star, @ominous-feychild, @anyablackwood, @amaiguri,

@lyutenw @finickyfelix

@thecomfywriter, @the-letterbox-archives, @differentnighttale @wyked-ao3

@thelovelymachinery @an-indecisive-nerd

@zinabug-writes @dahliaontherun

Let me know if you'd like to be added!

[soccerpunching]

ermm:33 general opinion on YuuYuu (Yuuka/Yuuichi) plez \(^0^)/,,,

HELLO YUUYUU ARTIST!!!!! <3

I mean, to start, Yuuichi reminds me a lot of my partner. So there's an obvious strong bias in my opinion of him.

And 2. back when i first watched inago (i was maybe 15/16???) I have both a plush and crush on Yuuka and Yuuichi. Idk theyre just so pretty and i love their vibe, I WAS IN AWE

And theyre both so cool to me and they have a lot of similarities... so right off the bat, i'm telling you that i love them sm, i loved them for years, and that i would die for yuuyuu

To take this more seriously, I feel so much for their characters and where they stand in the narrative.

Everybody knows this but i will mention it... they were both made to be the motivation for two similar deuteroganists. They are the motivation, the anchor, and a literary device that reflects the foundation of those main characters. To exist as them automatically means that they are and will always be attached to another character in content importance and would rarely have the screentime alone if at all (yuuka is even abysmal in this respect).

In personality, i think these two are the same way as their purpose in the series.

Yuuka introduces herself as Yuuka in go. Without the surname. I understand the intent for that scene of course, she was actively avoiding calling herself a Gouenji since her brother's poorly kept secret will be known. But I imagine this is just how she introduces herself even before fifth sector.

She's not doing this because she's timid or anything related to teenage rebellion, Gouenji just have A LOT of weird fans that she would rather not call their attention. There are also some who just wanted to be close to her to get a chance to see Gouenji. She really genuinely thinks her brother is cool and still supporta him and loves him so much but his fans are just... so weird that it's sometimes hard to show her support of him in public. But she sometimes think her brother is living a bigger life purpose than her (she would not help him in go if she didnt think this and she may also be there to make sure he's taking care of himself).

Anyway, Shuuya is important to Yuuka because in her eyes, he (and Fuku) raised her. I think by the time her middle school graduation came by, she already realized this and asked Shuuya to be there for her instead (tired of hearing that their father is too busy for them) and Shuuya would have been emotional about this for days. That's how I think Yuuka herself put more importance in Shuuya for better or for worse.

In Yuuichi's case, I think he always talks about Kyousuke. Whether you initiated the talk about Kyousuke or not, he will be mentioned. He will come up. Yuuichi talks a lot about the shared dream he and his brother have and how amazing kyousuke is. Even without his alternate version in CS confirming this, I think Yuuichi believe that Kyousuke plays a greater role in the world than him.

There is something a bit inferior with how both Yuuka and Yuuichi see themselves compared with their brothers but because of the love and support that they get, I think they're dealing with this really well and are going to be fine.

But just with that, i can already say that these two have an incredible potential to have the deepest understanding of each other. They would know each other in a level that no other person could. If there was at least one canon content of them i would have been obsessed with this ship.

Yuuyuu is a crackship that has too many connections to be considered as one

Technically yuuyuu is a crackship because they dont have a single interaction and have not been in the same frame before. But is it really??

Funny thing about yuuyuu is that their roads are meant to cross even if you follow canon. Just the relevance of being both needing a physical therapist for years as a minor (yuuka would need go visit the PT even after she fully recovers at least annually for a few years for check ups and drills) in the same hospital alone is enough to make these two at least have a physical familiarity to each other. Yuuka also would have visited katsuya at least once for something or waited for him around the hospital. And these are all outside canon alone.

They could even meet in the duration of the last parts of inago too when yuuka often called kyousuke over. Or even dueing or in between cs and galaxy. My point is that these two live in a really small world that it's impossible for them to not meet. Even all the canon information they both have would agree that they know each other even if it's just from their faces.

They have the same hobbies and interests and they both love Gouenji Shuuya

Yuuka would appreciate to meet a non-weird gouenji fan once or someone who genuinely wants to be friends with her that's not because of her brother (she does have friends like these tho ofc, but she appreciates having more). I know yuuichi would be the first fan who doesnt talk about gouenji like he's some badass lord of fire.

Aside this fact (this is hc territory), I'm a strong believer that both yuuka and yuuichi are really interested in humanities, social affairs and politics. You can't be disabled and not be humanitarian. It comes with how shitty the state and some people treats you, i think their interests align just so sooo well. (Adding also my hyperverbal autistic yuuka headcanon here too)

[amyintherapy]

Darkness, Neglect, Shame, Dissociation

I've been struggling emotionally. The nice thing is that I'm far enough along in therapy that I know it's just part of the cycle that comes with facing trauma in therapy. Sometimes I get far enough with discussing trauma that it just puts me into this dark headspace. I had clinical depression as a teenager, and it's not as bad as that, so I hesitate to call it depression - but it's somewhat along those lines.

I want to sleep way too much, and when I sleep I tend to have a lot of nightmares. Or sometimes I just wake up sad and/or anxious without remembering anything I've dreamed about. Everyday tasks require way more effort than they usually do. Like bricks are tied to my feet and arms. It takes a lot of effort to make myself cook even the simplest of meals, to shower, or to play with the cat even when she brings me the toy she loves to play fetch with. She's so cute it hurts, but it still takes effort to play with her when I'm in a dark phase like this.

My mind tosses around childhood memories/trauma on repeat, but it's hard to really put into words. I have to really push myself to open up to my partner about my thoughts and feelings, I usually share with him pretty effortlessly. It's not that I'm trying to block people out, it's just that converting my thoughts and feelings into words others can understand feels extra challenging. Like...I'm not resistant to sharing with him or with a couple of close friends...but I just don't know how. Yet when I have taken the time to figure out how to turn some of those thoughts and feelings into words for him, I feel better. So I've been trying to keep reaching for that. I believe a lot of what I'm experiencing is uncovered shame. I had seen some therapists talk about how trauma is always closely linked with shame, but that we often don't notice it.

I had the realization a couple of weeks back that a lot of my anxiety is rooted in shame. I've also come across content that has talked about having an insecure attachment (aka attachment trauma) is something that tends to leave people with chronic shame because when we failed to develop a secure attachment with our caregivers as infantats, we have to adapt ourselves to try to earn connection. But that means we betray our authentic selves in some way, we put on an act to be what we think we need to be for our caregivers. And that sends us the message that our authentic self is somehow unworthy or not good enough of being connected with, accepted, deeply loved, as-is - which makes us ashamed of who we are. One of the biggest things I'm wrestling with related to my childhood emotional neglect and shame is whether I can trust my own perspective on my childhood. My more logical brain believes that childhood emotional neglect is extremely common. Roughly half of all people have an insecure attachment, and that stems from lacking emotional attunement, which I Think can be considered emotional neglect. But also, common parenting practices completely normalize emotional neglect. Most of the authoritarian parents I know outright expect their children to deny their own beliefs and feelings in favor of obeying the parents' directions or commands. Even among people who I think of as trying to step away from things like demanding obedience and using corporal punishment...many parents still routinely deny their children's feelings and beliefs for the sake of trying to maintain authority. For example, their toddler son snatches a toy from the 5 year old daughter, and the daughter hits her brother in return. The parent yells at the daughter for hitting her brother and she says 'I was so mad he took my toy!' and the parents refuse to validate her anger because they are focused on how her behavior was unacceptable. Which...yes, it's wrong to hit. But you can validate the feeling without validating the behavior, and a lot of even 'gentler' parents don't recognize this, so they routinely invalidate their children - and that's emotional neglect. Extremely normalized, and usually well-intentioned...but emotional neglect when that happens to a child routinely throughout their childhood.

And it makes so much sense when I remember that for young children, their parents are their #1 support person. The way that for most adults, their spouse is. Imagine if the majority of the time that you had big feelings and shared them with your spouse, or your spouse even just witnessed you having big feelings, they disagreed with you about your feelings. Wouldn't you feel so alone and unsupported? Plus you have to factor in that for children, they are born wired to do anything possible to maintain connection with their parents as their little bodies know that they are dependent on their parents for survival. So when they are routinely dismissed and invalidated, they don't think "man, this person is so uncaring! I don't deserve to be dismissed all the time! What a jerk!" they instead think "Man, I am always wrong, I am broken, I can't do anything right." When I think about an example like that in the context of anyone else, it makes sense to me to call that emotional neglect. I know a lot of children who pretty clearly are lacking a sense of safety and closeness with their parents, as they don't go to them when they really need support. For example, they get bullied at school but never tell their parents as they just assume the support won't be there. So many kids feel so alone, and it's due to their needs being neglected so regularly that they don't attempt to keep connections with their parents. Or in worse cases, it's not just that they are lacking support, but that their parents are the source of suffering, so there is no reason to think they could get support if just avoiding being harmed by their parents is the goal. I don't mean to compare or measure traumas, but I don't know how to make the point I need to make without doing so. So please know that I am not at all trying to diminish other people's neglect experiences.

But I think it makes sense to say that a child who regularly had their big feelings invalidated or dismissed was emotionally neglected. Even if they also were given support in some other ways. And my situation goes a lot deeper than that, and yet it's hard for the more emotional side of my brain to accept that it's reasonable to say I was emotionally neglected. For example, even when my mom learned that I was cutting myself, she never asked me what was going on or tried to offer me support. Instead, I was yelled at - and then we pretended nothing was happening for several months. Once a teacher caught on and sent me to the school counselor, they told my mom I needed to see a therapist, and so she set me up with one. But she still never talked to me about my mental health, why I was cutting myself, etc. Even after my therapist pushed me to get on meds for depression, she never paid any attention to whether or not I was taking my meds. She never met with my therapist to find out how I was doing, although she had that right as I was only 14. When she found out about my sexual abuse, she never asked me about it, never offered me any support. To this day I've never discussed it with her. How do you find out that your child was sexually abused and not even talk to them about it? The only time I can recall ever attempting to go to my mom for emotional support or help was when my stepfather was repeatedly making creepy comments about my body. I was 9 and starting to experience very early puberty. I was desperate for him to stop. She had been around when things were said, but had never reacted. I stupidly assumed she must not understand just how upsetting this was for me. And I desperately needed it to stop. So one day while in the car alone with her I worked up the courage to say I was really upset by him always talking about my body. I had a hard time even speaking this to her as I was crying so hard. Her response was that he was "just noticing that I was growing up". He continued to be a creep, she never said anything. I wasn't stupid enough to try to get emotional support from her ever again. The logical side of my brain says that it is beyond reasonable to call my experiences emotional neglect. In one therapy appointment, I mentioned to my therapist that I had realized that I Didn't have a working definition for what emotional neglect meant. Several years back, it had occurred to me that I had working definitions for physical child abuse and emotional child abuse that were very much based on my own experiences. I basically was defining physical abuse in a way that would leave loopholes for my experiences so that I didn't 'qualify' as physically abused. And same for emotional abuse. But I don't even have a definition of emotional neglect, and I think that is because there is no way I could define emotional neglect that wouldn't include me. And yet...the emotional side of my brain is so strong and loud that it somehow feels incorrect to say that. A large, emotional part of me feels like my childhood was quite normal. And I know that 'normal' mostly just means 'common' and that how common something is, has no difference in how traumatic (or not) it was. Logically I know my brain is just grasping at straws, trying to avoid seeing the truth in full detail. Trying to protect me from that pain of accepting the truth. But it's weird because the logical side of me knows already. I don't feel like I am effectively protected from the truth. I just also can't fully accept it, or feel it as true with my whole brain. When I Talk about the neglect, I automatically dissociate and that makes it pretty impossible to FEEL like what I'm thinking is true, as my brain and my body become disconnected. My mind knows the truth, but I don't really FEEL it as true. It still feels false somehow.

In the past, when I've had these days/weeks of feeling 'stuck' in a dark headspace following trauma therapy, it's followed with periods of significant growth and improvement. So, that's my silver lining - that I'm probably in a big phase of growth right now. The whole 'its always darkest before the dawn' concept. But, I am tired of feeling 'dark', and of having so many nightmares. I can tell my partner is missing the regular me, although he's extremely supportive of me and the work I'm doing. I miss the regular me too. And I miss having energy for more than just survival. I have two therapy appointments this week, maybe they'll help me find my way back to regular me.

[alaska386]

F!Bsd anime watcher in the bsd world…

Brief information for the F!bsd anime watcher(I’ll name her Victoria cuz I say so):

-Name: Victoria [last name I’ll just type ‘XXX’ in the introduction time(s)]

-Gender: Female, Pronouns: She/Her

-Age: 14 years old (idk how to write thoughts, behaviour, moods, goals that are ‘mature’ like adults’ ones cuz idk what they think so I set her as a teenager for myself to write this thing easier)

-Ability: Yall are gonna vote on if she’s gonna have an ability from nowhere

-Sexuality: Bisexual

-Nationality: Chinese(I don’t wanna accidentally write some racist stuff if I say American or British or whatsoever)

-Languages she knows/understands/speaks: Chinese/Mandarin/Putonghua(Don’t worry I won’t make her speak Chinese in the story-), fluent English

-Likes: Music(Classical, Relaxing ones are her preferences), Anime and Mangas(not patient enough to read a full series without skipping some chapters, just like me fr), desserts and snacks, nature sceneries, rainy days(the louder the rain the better), knives, comfy clothes

-Dislikes: Dogs, pain, school, homework, studying, bitter pills, loud people and noises

-Hobbies: drawing on a paper and in a drawing app, singing, family stuff, *being read like an open book*

-Appearance: dark brown hair and eyes, around Kenji’s height

-Main bsd kins: Dazai, Ryunosuke, Kyouka, Sigma(always in the middle of some arguments and shits)

-Personality: Has social anxiety, rather quiet, sometimes can’t express herself fluently but tries to and tries to hide the things she thinks she should. Thinks quite negatively, does not fully show it as well, gets nervous easily but doesn’t show it often as well(which Ranpo, Dazai and some other smart/manipulative characters can definitely realise/see through)

Extra: she trusts fate

Btw her character settings some are actually based off mine cuz I figure that it’ll be easier to write this if I imagine her as myself and I’ve imagined myself in the bsd word many times.

Fanfic starts now.

Victoria, who’s a student in a religious school, was sitting on her seat in her classroom during a break before another class started. She was just staring, playing and snapping her fingers while ignoring how loud the classroom was due to how loud her classmates were shouting, yelling and talking to each other. Then, Victoria found herself sitting on a bench instead of the chair in her classroom, she looked up and saw that she was in an unknown but familiar place, she blinked and looked at her surroundings. It looked like the world of an anime she’s currently loving, Bungou stray dogs.

Victoria pov

This… If I’m correct it’s one of the scenes in bsd. Am I in a dream? No. People in their dreams cannot understand the term of dreams.(personal experience has never experienced understanding what a dream is in a dream)

I swear to god if someone(like Fyodor, Nikolai, some stalker) was watching me since I got teleported here— Oh shit. I need to fucking act normally, like how a normal person would act like… When… uh- they suddenly appeared in a place they didn’t know? I’m gonna make that as my case right now because I’m thinking for too long… Okay but if someone’s been watching me(Gurl, your anxiety is so-) it’s not like it’s gonna do anything anymore but, I still need to understand the situation… but to in exchange of their observations to my acts…

I’m thinking too slow! Too slow… ..Am I just fucking excited to be here? In the anime? Ok quit it, I need to understand my situation right now as quick as possible.

The moment I hesitated to move and started to think for minutes already caused some issues and effects, definitely, who knows where did Dostoevsky the rat king put his cameras and spies in? So… I can just act like myself, right? Who knows what’ll happen just because of my thoughts…

Whatever, the best place to go to right now is the ada, the agency. I can’t get distracted by my thoughts now, it’s not like Ranpo’s not gonna read my thoughts and expressions immediately later on. So it’s practically useless thinking further, I need to know how I got here, is this world some sort of au and what I should do, was it an ability(is bsd true) and what timeline is it right now.

I just hope I won’t walk into someone like Elise and Mori, Q, Nikolai disguises as a police(low possibility), Ryunosuke which is because it’ll definitely go wrong due to how I suck I’m at communicating, so on…

No one’s pov

Victoria checks if there’s anything in her pocket which there isn’t and stands up from the bench and starts walking around while looking around. As she continues walking with a blank face(she puts that on as much as she can while calming herself down), she keeps thinking about her situation and what she should do to be the safest for herself.

Victoria pov

Since I do not have a phone so I don’t have a translation, going to the ada cafe and find Lucy to help with my communication will be my best option right now I think.. If she’s working in there right now. But Ranpo’ll definitely understand most of the things like my actions and thoughts, guess I’ll go find him no matter how much I don’t want to.(She doesn’t like being read but she knows Ranpo’s not that kind of person that tells everyone what he found out, so, it’s still fine? She’ll be in danger if she doesn’t do anything after-all.)

Ah…! The agency building… what luck and fate is this…

No one’s pov(extra information if you don’t understand why she’s not acting as if she’s scared or shocked, she sucks at acting and she knows that police can’t help her anything, lack of communication is also one of her problems right now, as much as she doesn’t like getting herself into chaos and troubles, the only option for her was, the ada. She still hopes that Ranpo’s not gonna find out everything about her though.)

Victoria looks up at the agency building then walks in it, (sry just pretend her somehow got to the agency door), she knocks on the agency’s door.

Hope you guys like it! I enjoyed writing this :))

Once again I’ve not had much writing fanfics experience so it might not be in your expectations. Also I need a name for this fanfic!!! Thank you for reading all the way till here!(Victoria’s not quite a normal person but who’s normal if they watch bsd lol)

[drustvar]

🍄 APPRENTICEMBER - Day 2 🍄

Who is their LI? What’s their relationship like?

Rosie can mesh well with everyone except Nadia and Lucio, I'll give a brief run-down of dynamic and any background since she's not exactly the same as the apprentice in game. This also isn't covering the ships she has with other ocs! ♥

🥀Julian

(Starting with him first since he was the first route I played thru lmao). He and Rosie first met during the plague when they were both working in the dungeons. She was still kind of a mess from her break up with Asra at the time and she's truthfully one of those people who like. NEEDS to be in a relationship. Their personalities are rather similar so its no wonder that she quickly latched onto him and they fell for one another. On her deathbed she left him her amulet and her mother's mortar and pestle, the two most important belongings she had. Post-plague / in his route, she again latches onto him very quickly and becomes very very protective of him. The idea that he killed Lucio (although he actually hadn't) was also something she found very attractive, and she saw him as sort of a heroic figure. He's the one LI that she's really truly batshit about. TLDR; the codependency these two have with one another is not healthy but man is it fun to write LMAO || 🐻Muriel Unlike Julian, who unfortunately seems to magnify and / or mirror Rosie's anxiety, Muriel is fantastic at getting her to chill the fuck out. Out of the LI's, they're the ones who help one another to grow the most. They were friends for a long time, having met one another thru Asra. Their vibes are just very cozy and woodsy. Off the grid couple who minds their own business. In his story, (which I'm doing basically a complete overhaul of) as said before they really foster a lot of growth in one another. Rosie encourages him to stand up for himself, to voice his anger, and to let out his emotions instead of bottling everything up. Muriel encourages her to slow down and not dive head first into things. One of the big things thematically for them is that strength doesn't have to be loud and in your face. Simply continuing to exist in a world that has been unkind is strong.

|| ✨Portia Ohhhh my beloved gorls. What can I really say about them other than that they're like. THE cottagecore cat-girl dream. They have similar personalities, the only major difference (and sometimes point of argument) is how little Rosie cares for / trusts nobility, which obviously puts Portia in a bit of a hard place considering Nadia is 1. her boss and 2. has been so good to her (seriously what other ruler gives their head servant property??) Portia's story is also being reworked to fit Rosie better (mostly just adding more actual content to it), but a big part of their initial story is about boosting one another's confidence and being a confidant to one another, something both of them really need.

|| 🔮Asra

Asra and Rosie met when they were teenagers, when she'd managed to sneak into the Masquerade (something her Aunt had forbidden.) They became fast friends and even though her aunt wasn't fond of him, she did allow he and Muriel to stay in the shed on the property when the weather was bad. Asra was Rosie's first real friend, and really helped her to try to heal and break free from her aunt's abuse and control. They loved one another very deeply and were eachother's rock. Once the plague hit and her aunt died, Rosie felt a need to stay and try to help; the people of the city were all they really had. Asra didn't agree, and this led to a nasty argument that would ultimately lead to their breakup.

Post-plague, Asra sometimes wonders if he made the right choice. If Rosie had known, would she have rather have stayed dead? Her own mortality, her previous life, and their own shared past is something they would have to work to uncover in their timeline, since Asra also forgot much of his own past (be it from magic or a stress response). Once everything is said and done, they're definitely a very chill and laid back couple. But its never going to be exactly the same, be it for better or for worse :")

[eratosdaughter]

we weren't meant for each other and it's fine

(written before the ending for the B2W2 arc was released/ translated) rakutsu is in the hospital and faitsu visits, until one day she can't words: 2710 cross-posted from AO3

She plays with the blanket on his bed, looks at the boy sleeping with his hair in his face and bandages wrapped around his neck and head, and wonders how he looks like an angel with downturned eyes and full lips and button nose when he’s asleep. Her fingers reach out to the space between his brows, and softens the furrow there, before tracing the edges of his face. She flutters around his high cheekbones, down to the cut of his jawline and to the corner of his lips, almost ghosting them before catching herself.

She wonders how he could smile so brightly, and how his voice was still echoing back and forth between her ears and why it wouldn’t leave her alone even in times when she wanted it to.

She wonders if anything he said to her, any compliment or intent, was genuine and if he had any second let his heart slip like she did hers.

His nurse puts a hand on her back and tells her visiting hours are over, her mum is there to pick her up and bring her home, but she could always come back and visit tomorrow. Faitsu wants to ask how long he’s been asleep, but she couldn’t force the sound out and just nods, letting the nurse lead her away.

She turns back and watches his hand move to drape over the side where she had been, and wants to ask if he was ever asleep.

She spends the school days daydreaming, looking out the window and watching the trees dance with the wind. Mr. Charen had left to be a gym leader, and she couldn’t remember the new teacher’s name, even though she knows she should. Her mother insisted she return to school, she had friends who might be worried, and she smiles when around Yuki, Yuko and Maya- they do enough to get her mind off of the boy in the hospital bed.

She does all her homework and assignments, her Pokemon battling has gotten better recently even with just Foongy around, and everyone’s saying she should challenge the Pokemon league even though she doesn’t want to. Her life is kept within the trainer school when she isn’t off to the hospital. She still calls her mum every night, tells her all the funny things that teenagers get up to and another petty argument that Hugh and Yuki had gotten into, before running out the door, but never misses her mum’s pitying smile when they say goodbye.

The nurses know her name by now, greet her with a smile like she was family. One nurse joked that she should just get an access card to his room, make every visit easier for all involved.

They still question what exactly she is to Rakutsu when they have the time. Surely more than a classmate? They like to tease, and Faitsu always stutters out a denial while her heart wishes it was true.

The nurse tells her that he’s better that night she visits, that he’s awake sometimes but doesn’t speak much, and she wonders if he could feel it whenever she gets brave enough to brush against him. Sometimes it’s his fingers, callused and rough and too grown up for someone only 16, and she counts the discoloured scars and scabs that litter his skin.

Sometimes she’s brave enough to get closer, just to feel his breath and know he’s alive, to watch his lashes flutter with the wind of the overhead fan, smooth every crease he’s got and wishes she knew what he was dreaming of so that she could soothe those worries too.

Sometimes she wishes she was in that head of his to know his feelings on everything, if he even has feelings.

Sometimes she even slips her fingers in between his, brushes her fingers against the gaps that hers are too thin to fill completely, watches their hands intertwined for the shortest time and ghosts circles with her thumb before everything comes back and she jerks away like she’s been tasered. She calls herself crazy when she feels him tighten his grip when she lingers too long, calls herself insane when her heart swears that his fingers close themselves on hers so that she almost fits perfectly to him.

“Everyone misses you,” she tells him every night. She recalls what their class is doing, asks questions before she realises he can’t answer, and wants to beat herself up with every slip of the tongue.

“The girls, especially, miss you. They say they want a cute guy to be around so that class is worth going to,” she laughs, never admits she’s jealous that they could confidently admit to things like that.

Or that she’s jealous they can admit their feelings about him like that.

“Nobody knows about you being in Interpol, Mr. Superintendent. You can always come back, everybody wants you to.” She knows she’s talking to a wall, staring at the one opposite her as her fingers play with the blanket around his hand. He looks too peaceful in the bed, still healing but the bandages around his head have been removed, and she doesn’t know if this scares her more but she’s more comfortable talking to the Him who can’t respond.

“I saw Black and White outside just now, and they told me they hope you like the flowers they brought. I like them, they’re pretty.” She glances at the bouquet next to the bed, the nurses had put the arrangement into a tall glass of water and wrapped the paper around it, and she smiles at the colour it brings to the room.

“I,” she feels her words die in her throat, feeling his fingers ghost and wrap around hers with a gap between. She looks down at him, and sees his head turned away but the expression stays the same, and she wonders if he could hear her all this time.

“I hope you get better soon too, Mr. Superintendent,” she breathes out, and misses the warmth when she has to remove her hand from his. The nurse comes in right after, and leads her out of the room and out of the hospital. She asks Faitsu if anything changed, if he had responded to her, and Faitsu always says no when she’s not sure.

Over the school holidays, when everyone else has gone back to their cities, she stays the entire length of the permitted visiting hours. She’s met a few people from Interpol (“just checking on his condition”), a man called Looker visits more often than the others and he always seemed more worried. She doesn’t talk to anyone else much, but Looker has told her that he’s not returning to the school when he’s discharged, he has to go back to Interpol.

“Oh.” Was all she could get out before she left the room to give them privacy. There was a tugging at her heart that dragged it into her stomach and a tightening around her throat. It shouldn’t affect her that much; it shouldn’t affect her at all, really, but it felt wrong.

Over time, the nurses’ teasing has stopped and she’s seen more pitying eyes. She wonders what Rakutsu has told them and if it’s anything good, though she knows it’s probably nothing. They don’t say anything to her, but she feels like it’s too much sometimes when they whisper to each other instead and wonders if she should give up seeing him awake.

But there’s something inside her that doesn’t like the idea of that either, and it’s become too much of a routine now.

“You know Mr. Superintendent,” she laughs as she starts, “it’s so much easier to see you asleep and talk to you like this. You’re really scary when you’re all serious.”

She has the confidence to hold his hand for longer now, doesn’t jerk away when he squeezes every so often but she does still tense, thinking he’d open his eyes. Her thumb still ghosts drawings over his hand, just to give her something to do when it’s quiet between them. Rakutsu doesn’t ever turn to her, either lying straight or turned to face the window but it’s okay, that makes it easier to pretend he doesn’t hear her.

“I really was starting to like you back in school, whenever you smiled and looked at me. I looked forward to seeing you in class, or whenever we went out on field trips,” she recalls. There’s a hint of familiarity, and she can’t get those memories out of her mind no matter how hard she tried.

Eventually, she realised that she had stopped trying.

“And to be honest, when we were fighting,” she giggles because she can’t help herself, she hasn’t told anyone, not even Foongy yet, “I thought you were really attractive. I was really scared but… I finally saw the real you.”

She feels a squeeze, harder than before, and she frowns, looking down. That’s been their only way to communicate, when he doesn’t want to open his eyes and she talks to the walls. There’s a part of her praying he feels the same in some way, has an actual interest in her after her constant visits when they both know he’s awake. She’s scared to bring it up, and she doesn’t want to admit it but she squeezes his hand back.

“I know you don’t plan on going back to the school, so it’s kind of useless,” a hollow giggle escapes, “but at the very least, can you tell me when you’re discharged? I’ve been seeing you all this time, it’d be nice to see you awake again.”

He squeezes her hand again, lightly and gently like promising a child. Her thumb ghosts a small heart along his skin, and she sees him ruffle in his bed and turn around.

The nurse tells her visiting hours are over, and she squeezes his hand again before letting go.

A week later, the nurses tell her he’s left.

“Oh.” She feels an ache in her chest, almost feels as if she should have expected this.

Why would he tell her? Why would he trust her?

It doesn’t hurt when she has those thoughts, not really. She just feels… something. She’s not sure what, when her feet drag across the floors and people bustle by her, but every other heartbeat feels uncomfortable and every breath feels heavy.

She squeezes her hand, ghosts patterns on the skin near her index finger as she leaves the hospital. Her Xtransceiver sits too hot on her wrist, its presence more prevalent than ever in her mind as she walks home. There’s a part of her that wants to message him first, but she’s not sure if he still has it, or if the number he saved to hers was the same.

So she walks home, on a bright sunny day that would’ve only seeped in through half-open curtains in the hospital room. Light snow falls on her, but the coldness is nothing compared to inside. The air is clearer, lighter, and she breathes all of it in and her mind drifts back to thin hospital blankets and half empty cups. The stuffy feeling in her heart and stomach don’t go away, even as she turns around and can only see the top of the hospital building. In fact, it feels like it gets worse the further she gets.

“Goodbye.” She raises her hand up, in a weak wave that barely moves, and turns back to the path with blurry eyes and a fogged mind. Her steps are slow, unsteady on barely iced over pavements but her body knows well enough how to keep her safe with a preoccupied mind- it’s done that plenty of times.

A honk cuts through her thoughts, and she finds herself in the middle of a one-way lane, almost to the sidewalk again. Her tears freeze on her cheeks, but her mind’s still fogged over as she stares at the on-coming lights of a lone car right in front of her, struggling to turn. Her eyes almost registers them like she was staring through diamonds, separated and sparkling and like a sign, maybe like a blessing even if everything could glimmer like that.

It reaches meters, and she can hear the tyres screeching and see them twisting and she swears she can feel the heat from the front as it reaches closer. The smell of worn tyre reaches her, like a ruined barbeque, and she hears people gasp and calls for her to move, move, movemovemove but her feet stay mid-step on the ice. There’s a sense of resignation in her, when her body stays stiff and rooted and hey, the hospital’s close enough, but her brain freezes because she was never a “fight” person.

She supposes her life has mostly been flight or freeze.

She barely registers a hand grasping her and pulling her away just as the car rushes by, the driver screaming profanities at her as the wind ruffles her hair into her face. In those few seconds between the street and sidewalk, she’d closed her eyes but opening them didn’t make much of a difference when all she saw was black still. Maybe this was some afterlife, not with glimmers but just a neutral one.

“Be more careful next time.” The person whispers into the top of her head, and she realises her body isn’t still anymore and she can look up.

Enough to see familiar shaggy hair.

“Mr. Superintendent!” She tries to pull away, embarrassed and knowing he knows almost everything about her now, but his arms don’t move and she’s buried right into his chest.

He’s warm, covered by a decent layer of fluff and jacket, and she can smell the basic laundry detergent and common mint shampoo and a woodsy cologne and it seems so different from stale hospital but she loves it more. It’s almost too hot, having him against her even through both their layers of winter clothing. He doesn’t move, and she almost lets herself lean more into his chest when his arms loosen around her- enough for her to pull away and look up at him properly.

She wasn’t sure what she expected, but his eyes were still the same glossed maroon.

“Mr. Superintendent, you’re discharged.”

“Yeah.”

She feels her heart pounding in her ears and throat, feels a pressure from her chest to her stomach. It’s weird seeing his eyes, still unwavering and steady and it’s familiar but… he still feels like a stranger.

“Why are you around here?”

She knows he knows, as if he ever doesn’t, but her brain still stalls trying to come up with a lie. She stutters, mumbles something about a classmate, and avoids looking at him as much as she can, shoulders pulled up to her ears. He takes a step back, arms still next to her just in case, and suddenly her own coat doesn’t seem to keep her warm anymore.

He nods, and she figures the conversation is over. Isn’t it supposed to be easier when your conversation partner can talk to you, when there’s actual replies and it turns from talking at them to talking to them? Yet she can’t even bring herself to look at him, words not even managing to form as they stand at the sidewalk awkwardly.

Looker calls out from somewhere else, loud enough for her to know that he’s close by. Both of them turn to look at him, and Faitsu knows time is up. She looks to Rakutsu, who’s already looking at her again, and gives a small smile.

“Thank you, for saving me I mean.”

He nods, and there’s something in his eyes that are different, but she can’t really tell what.

He walks towards where Looker is, and she almost calls tries to stop him after his first step, but he gives her a wave and she can’t. So she stands and watches him walk away, and maybe there is a small part of her that hopes that he’ll turn around and say something but he doesn’t and she can only watch for so long before she hears herself sniffling.

So maybe this is it, this is all they’re meant to be.

[lifebefore30]

A recurring memory

My mind is constantly fast-playing thoughts, dreams, and memories.

For some reason, sometimes my BRAIN is like:

"Hey, if you died right now, this is what you would see: "life flashing before your eyes."

The same memories pop up every time. And it's the only time I even think about that memory.

I honestly can't think of what the other are right now. But there is one I remember.

I think I was about 3 or 4 years old. My maternal grandmother took me shopping with her at KMART. I remember the smell of the cafe there. Soft pretzels and blue raspberry slushies. YUMM.

Anyway...

I'm sitting in the front of the cart. I know I said something bratty (don't know what) because I remember my grandmother having this tone in her voice. Like she had enough of my shit. She then started to tell me that I had an older sister but my parents gave her away, and that they would do the same to me if I didn't behave.

I remember doubting what she said but didn't want to take the chance. I did realize later in life that it wasn't true obviously.

But again, when I was super young, like maybe 5, I also remember sitting in the back of the car with my parents in the front. We're driving home from somewhere and I randomly sit up and lean over in between the front seats. (because I don't remember ever using a booster seat back then lol that wasn't a thing. I rode in the back end of a pickup if the weather was nice.)

And I just had this compulsion to blurt out:

"You know, I wish I had different parents."

And I said it with a smile on my face, like matter of factly. Not realizing or thinking of how they would feel. I just had to get that out.

Of course, my parents were stunned. They scolded me of course, telling me how mean I was.

Looking back, I feel bad. Especially with being a parent myself now. I would be heartbroken if my son said that to me.

But those two are some of the first memories for me that I was scolded for saying something I shouldn't have but I couldn't help saying it. It wasn't always "bad" things I would want to say. It was my ideas and opinions on things I heard family members talking about.

And I know it seems that kids say ridiculous stuff all the time. Usually brutely honest.

But eventually, in my early years, I learned the hard way to just keep my mouth shut when adults were around. I didn't want to get screamed at or hit. And not just by family members. It sounds bad, but I really wasn't physically abused much. It was more emotional and neglect than anything, to be honest.

When I hit my teenage years, my family wondered why I was so shy and quiet and stayed in my room as much as possible or not even be home.

Granted one wish, I would talk to my younger self and give advice on how to be happy and safe.

Did not hear either parent say "I love you" or hug me until my first Grippy Sock Vacation at age 19. It felt forced. Like they just wanted to make themselves feel better about their parenting skills.