#and then got reminded that wtnv exists

[amhooman]

i just fcjifnn remembered that wtnv exists

gosh its been so long since ive listened to that podcast what happened

[kevin--of-desert-bluffs]

WTNV quick rundown - 100 - Toast

I'm not lying when I say this episode contains almost if not every single character we've been introduced to thus far.

More rundowns here!

I know many of you have a few things you’d like to say. So let me start things off. Welcome to Night Vale.

This episode's focus is on Cecil and Carlos' wedding, or at least the after ceremony toast section.

The first person to speak is Leonard Burton, ex radio host, ex Cecil's boss and very confused as to why he's 'suddenly' there and apparently making a toast. He has no idea why he's there, but comments that Cecil looks like he hasn't aged a day since he started to work for Leonard.

The FOW also gives a toast, though she mostly talks about herself. She is covered in blood and is able to drink despite not having a mouth. She is allergic to mice, so recommends that people eat them themselves if they want to keep infestations at bay.

Diane's speech is very quick because Josh has a dance recital and grew several extra legs just for the occasion.

John Peters (you know, the farmer?) comments that he believes the whole world is just a manifestation of his inability to believe that nothing actually exists but congrats anyway.

Deb plugs Ritz Crackers in her toast.

Michelle and Maureen give a speech together. Michelle says she guesses that being happy is popular and isn't that upset that she's also happy and therefore like everyone else. She also says she went to a Katy Perry concert where Katy peeled off her own skin, plucked out her heart and batted it towards her backup dancers. Maureen says she's not angry any more and she once tried to be happy when she was 13 but gave up when she noticed everyone was copying her.

Maggie and Donald Penebaker give an almost normal toast except it's still phone like and ends with reminding everyone to pay their electric bills.

Kevin and Lauren also do a toast together, via videolink. Lauren says she wandered dry-lipped and starving through an endless looping desert until finally coming upon Desert Bluffs Too where it was explained to her that Strex is no longer in charge, Kevin is. Kevin mentions how he's been told that they'll all attack him if he tries to come back to NV and that as welcoming as that sounds he's far too busy. He's also obviously gleeful about Lauren's misfortune and new status under him. They then 'smile' which causes mass panic and a cry to turn the video off.

Melony says she's fixed Computer, who prints out a picture of a gift wrapped box. Earl says he made the cake and was happy to do so. Melony says she has no idea who he is, even though he's sitting next to her and Earl says they've been friends for years and came to the wedding together. Given that Melony forgets Cecil whilst talking to him, it's likely Earl is right.

During Tamika's speech we hear Basimah calling out admiringly. Tamika reads a book passage.

Dana and Pamela make a speech together, with Pamela being her usual self and Dana translating it into a 'congratulations'.

They then 'move' because of the weather: "Second Song" by Joseph Fink.

Old Woman Josie tells us that Cecil wasn't good at bowling when he joined their team, but he was so friendly and entertaining that they let him stay and he soon got better at it. She also reveals that the Hall of Public Records has a list of everyone's death dates.

Steve's toast is more like a tradiational toast. He says he loves Cecil and Carlos both and is very happy for them.

Carlos talks about how he finds it hard to talk about his feelings because they're not logical facts, which he understands better. He mentions how he had throat surgery and that's why he sounds different now but his feelings are the same. He says he's glad he made that call for personal reasons.

Cecil sings Carlos' praises and says that everything is better now Carlos is there. He also says that Carlos' love of science is inspiring and also deeply erotic.

Stay tuned next for a drunk, newly married couple, long after all the well-wishers have left, piling up bags of garbage and stacking chairs in a rented banquet hall because they want to get their deposit back.

And good night, Night Vale, and every person who can hear my voice. Good night.

Proverb: "It's always darkest before the dawn, we are often reassured by people who are totally wrong about how the sun works."

[mydarlinglaszlo]

may I leave a podcast suggestion:

The Far Meridian - it's very tranquil in its sound design, quite inspired by magical realism, could probably exist in the Welcome to Night Vale universe, has a very relatable and long suffering female queer protagonist for anyone who's ever struggled with being afraid of various aspects of life and we get to see her work through her agoraphobia and being quite lonely thoughout. If she can do it we can too

Hi! First of all apologies for the late reply i'm just. really not great at replying to asks in a timely manner. Time is but grains of sand that constantly leave my grasp or whatever. i'm too tired to think of a smart metaphor anyway - ohhh I haven't heard about this podcast, thank you for the recommendation and the ask, I appreciate it <3 It does sound interesting, and I love the notion of 'if she can do it we can too'. At least from some of the description it does kind of remind me of Alice Isn't Dead, which also was really great and dealt with anxiety from the POV of a queer female protagonist. I'm listening to The Penumbra Podcast currently (which is also pretty good and has great queer rep!) and to Good Morning Nightvale (and Nightvale bi-weekly releases), so I feel all podcasted-out at the moment lol, but I will definitely add it to my list and check it out in the future! Also if you have any more recommendations, I'd love to hear it! I feel like I really got into podcasts after WTNV so new podcasts recs are always appreciated! :D

[a-vibing-potato]

Okay, but why can I never decide what media I want to consume or what I want to do when I'm sick?

Like please, I have a low-grade fever and feel like shit but not bad enough or tired enough to sleep. I've got so much free time to consume ANY media I want. I always have no free time but know exactly what I want to do in my free time and that want is eating me whole but now that I'm sick?? And I actually have time for once?? Nah, I've never wanted free time a day in my life.

Normal me is upset that I have school because I want to listen to this podcast or watch this show SO bad and whenever I have a little bit of free time after school or on the weekends, I consume as much of my current media obsession as I can.

But I literally stayed home from school yesterday, and yesterday and today I have spent my free time doing the most chaotic, uncalled for, out of the norm things ever for me, including but not limited to:

Listening to random songs, ESPECIALLY "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback. Like seriously, I discovered that song for the first time yesterday and I've probably listened to it like 30 times. (also, featuring me wanting to sing SO FUCKING BAD but I actually can't breathe and my lung capacity is non-existent because mucus and I can't go one minute without coughing up a lung. But I want to singggggg)

Watched two and like 1/4 episodes of House MD (actually like the only normal for me thing I've done these entire 2 days)

Watched SO. MANY. YOUTUBE SHORTS. THAT I COULD FUCKING DIE (pleaseeee it's such a waste of time why did they add this feature my attention span is cryingggg I've probably spent 12 hours watching shorts in 2 days PLEASE)

Watched random ASMR in the middle of the day bc I don't know what else to do and I think I'm gonna take a nap and then don't

Watched Buzzfeed Unsolved for honestly about the same reason (it's my sick show but god I never watch it anymore)

Watched a video about the French guy that destroyed his life with Orbeez and messed up the sewer system all around his neighborhood

Listened to Chrissy, Wake Up for the first time in months, maybe years

Remembered and got mildly obsessed with the "2 Days Into College" song and anything I could find with it for like an hour

Watched random animated storytime videos?????? (PLEASE like WHY lmaooo)

Played stupid Roblox games (Clicker Madness, Bee Swarm Simulator, Death Row, and Restaurant Tycoon)

Watched one (1) Jessii Vee video and one (1) Loey Lane video bc why tf not

Watched food tiktoks to motivate myself to get hungry and eat

Got obsessed with the "Baritones shouldn't sing Will Wood" videos and that guy in general

Listened to "Don't Stay in School" by Boyinaband (stopppp this is like a recurring thing I never watch him or think about him but then I get sick and I listen to his music lol)

Scrolled WAY too much on Tumblr

Listened to the pilot episode of Welcome to Night Vale

Read The Magnus Archives fanfic (I actually NEVER read fanfic so that's wild)

Heck, I contemplated getting into Supernatural like I need another thing to get into rn

Basically, wasted time doing stupid short-form media consumption that fucks up my short attention span even more than it already is, and spending way too much time thinking if I should listen to/watch TMA/WTNV/House MD, indulge in one of my sick hyperfixations like Buzzfeed Unsolved or if I should pick or or re-pick up a different hyperfixation like Supernatural??? Or literally any other audio drama podcast I've ever listened to (Hello from the Hallowoods??? Why????)

So literally I'm please begging for this to stop. If I could pick ONE (1!!) media to consume right now, that would be great, but they're all consuming me right now and I'm consuming none of them. God help me. Anyone. Please help me.

[lesbiancervidologist]

oh hi you’re here, welcome.

here’s an extensive post on a universe I made with my friend in 2019. It’s what got me to listen to wtnv. This is going to be very long and will probably just fall into rambling. Reminder that this thing kind of makes absolutely no sense and isn’t great because it was pre my amazing covid induced character arc.

Diaford is a town located in southwestern Texas, permanently trapped in the 1870′s. It’s run by someone named Practor, he’s the mayor! He has a deer skull for a head, but to all citizens aside from a woman named Adelaide, he looks like an entirely normal guy. Adelaide is a woman who’s at least 100 years old, but she stopped aging in her late 20s and still physically seems that old and thinks shes that old. Adelaide investigates the mysteries of the town and is generally disliked because shes constantly in other peoples business. Adelaide has a childhood friend named Nellie! She’s the same age. Nellie is a lady who owns chickens and Practor is sorta like a father to her as he took care of her as a child. Nellie was formerly married to a man named John, before he was found murdered in their home, since the murderer was never caught, many citizens put the blame on Nellie and this leads to a general dislike of her as well. Jebediah (Jeb) is the towns pastor as the town is incredibly religious. Jeb was best friends with John prior to his death, and he is close with both Nellie and Adelaide. (There are more characters, but these are the main 4!)

Diaford has a forest next to it with sentient plants, a river where all corpses appear, creatures that wander the town at night and mutilate anything they come across, Nellie’s chickens are often included, but they will always show up back in one piece. 

Crimore is a town located in central Georgia, permanently trapped nowhere! But most of their technology doesn’t exceed the 90s and they don’t have internet. It’s run by no one, but the closest thing to a leader is a man named Ruth Lee, he’s the owner of The Sparrow, a bar named after his cat, Sparrow. Sparrow is immortal. He’s existed since the town was founded and has belonged to multiple former residents. He is beloved by everyone and is allowed to roam free and enter peoples homes as he wishes. Garrett and Morgan are childhood best friends, both grown and raised in Crimore. As children they would often venture out into the woods, despite knowing how dangerous they were. At one point, they were lost for several days but it only seemed like a few hours for them. After graduating high school, the two both moved away from town and lost contact, only for Garrett to contact Morgan years later suggesting they both return in order to figure out exactly what is going on, and to prevent anymore lives from being lost. Garrett is in love with Morgan, the two practically dated as teens, but as an adult entering the outside world and suddenly learning that homophobia exists, he’s extremely internally homophobic and has to be helped by Ruth and his husband (Garrett and Morgan end up getting married and having kids and dogs<3) Ruth’s husband is a man named Reid! Him and Ruth are my beloved middle-aged married men. Reid is a mortician who isn’t at all qualified to be doing this job, he just inherited it from his parents. They have a niece named Maple, who lived with them up until the age of 3 before her and her parents moved to Miami Flordia. At the age of 17 Maple returns to Crimore only to find her uncle married!!! (also maple is a lesbian she has a gf named heather) and then theres Matias, he’s Practor’s husband! Matias is a shapeshifter whos true form is a very stretched out deer looking thing with a human body and 4 eyes. He owns an Inn in Crimore and has been unable to be with his husband for about 200 years :( he misses him a lot. (theres SOOO much more to crimore. god i love it. its the only part of this universe me and my friend still talk about.)

Crimore has weird woods that’s a death sentence if entered (the entire town is surrounded by them), an infinitely deep lake, bodies that blink, deaths that occur on the exact same date and time once a year, and inhuman creatures disguised as humans that run stores.

woah so is there a plot to all this?? yes. and heres where it all turns into?? a mess.

All the weirdness is caused by a portal to hell. It’s underneath Diaford. Practor, Matias, the other unmentioned inhumans, they’re all demons accidentally trapped on the surface world. Eventually this portal thing opens (also Garrett and Morgan are in Diaford now, they found out about it in a book, the book is this whole other thing, god theres just so much stuff oh my god.) And now everything's falling apart!! BUT LISTEN ITS OK bc Garretts like “Morgan since we’re probably gonna die, i just wanted to let you know I love you-” “I love you too-” “No like not in a friend way.”

“If we don’t die here, can we go live in the mountains with my dogs and be happy forever.” “:0!! YOU HAVE DOGS??????” and then they say some other stuff and kiss and Adelaide, Nellie and Jeb are just kinda staring at them. 

Anyways all the non human things go back to hell, Practor and Matias are reunited (they also kiss, also they have 19 dogs they haven’t seen in hundreds of years.) and then they have to deal with a goat lawyer lesbian whos pissed at them for trapping a bunch of demons on earth for hundreds of years. 

theres so much. theres so much i left out. my brain is fried. god. my silly weird town(s).

when i made a list of diaford ideas in October 2019 i showed it to my friend and she went “oh this reminds me of a podcast called Welcome to Night Vale!” and i finally listened to it in January 2021 so theres that

anywayyy thank u for reading if u read this far, youre so cool and you get a big ol kiss /p

[hollenka99]

2020, According To My Tumblr Archive

January

Like many, freaked out about the Dhawan!Master reveal

Unus Annus reached 2 million subs

Ethan finally saw his sub count reach 1 million

Reblogged the elf pussy post with a version of the elf practice meme and now every time I see that meme, I think of that post

Finally made my Dyspraxic!Chase post

Fleshed out Creator!Jackie a little in terms of Nyesha (his girlfriend) and his prosthetics

February

Got really into Take Me or Leave Me for a short while which led to me watching RENT for the first time

Finally made that follow up to A Talk With The Creator I’d been meaning to write for months (aka A Day Long Overdue)

Started posting Unus Annus trigger warnings for a few weeks after the video where they demonstrate how they’d kill each other as a joke

Reached the 100 follower milestone after nearly 4 years on this site

Got very into WTNV again and binged like 60+ episodes in the space of 2 or so weeks

March

Watched Starkid’s Black Friday

Posted The Doctor on the anniversary of The Friend’s posting

Made some posts about the women of TLoJJ for International Women’s Day

Bupine received an anon ask teasing her about a typo which is common in our friendship group. Usual suspects were accused until the true culprit revealed themself via an acrostic (aka me being extra and I loved every second of it)

Went to the cat cafe in Nottingham

Made sure people were aware of World Puppetry Day by sending anon asks to people I thought might get a kick out of it

Posted Fighting Stolen Breaths

Steven Universe Future ended

Having been in the beginning stages of creation since ~Oct 2019, Jumbled AU content starts appearing

April

Spent the 1st doing an ask event for the Jumbled AU as a way of properly introducing it

Confused a bunch of people outside the Jacksepticeye community when I made a post saying how great it was that $400k had been raised in 2.5 hours during the HopeFromHome stream

Posted The Vlogger for Chase’s birthday

Got hyped to write a Śmigus Dyngus fic featuring Jumbled!Chase and his kids but got sick (regular illness, don’t worry) and therefore never finished it

Norbert Moses existed for 24 hours but he will exist much longer in our hearts

Managed to stay up to see 4:20am on April 20th

Posted the prologue and officially began the story of Jumbled

Watched Ghost for the first time

May

Fanders finally got the continuation of Selfishness vs Selflessness (Putting Others First aka SvS Redux) and learned Deceit’s name

Started talking about The Fall of Naesia

Pretty sure I hyperfixated on Queen for a week or so

Got introduced to ‘Storp Chorleigh, this game has gorn on lawng enuff’ and my life has significantly improved

CumGate happened

Got into ATLA

Black Lives Matter

Created the ‘it’s gonna be gay’ post that would destroy my inbox for the next few days

Had my first experience behind a wheel

June

Posted Flag, the response to which has made me proud of it

Poland scares and disappoints me part 1 (queer rights edition)

Sean posts another blooper video which causes me to make edits that subsequently inspire me to write Little Interruptions

Created an entire mythology purely because I thought a winged humanoid/merperson pairing was a cool concept

Reminded my friends why I should never be allowed to stay up until 4am because I just start talking nonsense

July

Finally watched An Inspector Calls and immediately wanted to make a Sanders Sides au with it.

Started talking about Creator again

Had another ask event to celebrate Jackie’s birthday

Also posted Photographs for his birthday which I love

Reached 150 followers around the middle of this month, I think

Discovered Kipo but wouldn’t fall for it head over heels with it for another month

One Direction celebrated their 10th anniversary and I was possessed by my 15 year old self for a week

Posted The Mediary which properly brought Creator AU back to my blog for a short while

August

Eddsworld came back after years

Posted The Creator and officially completed the main part of the au

Poland scares and disappoints me part 2 (queer rights edition continued)

Finally revealed Jumbled Anti’s identity to the world and got threatened on my birthday because of it

Discovered the Unus Annus video I’d been waiting all year for would be centered around them chewing on dog toys but it did feature “I’m the Unus to your Annus” so that was cool

Binged the first 2 seasons of Kipo in like a day and correctly predicted the Mega Monkey’s identity ages with very little foreshadowing to go off of

September

Started showing my love for Puppet History

Among Us was a thing

Got back into Playchoices

BBC Ghosts came back for series 2

Watched Pride twice in 24 hours and made sure everyone knew I’m heart eyes for it

October

Trump got sick

Family friend took one of my teeth

The world was blessed with Patton in a dress

Replayed Septiscape ahead of Soulscape’s release and liveblogged it

C!Thomas got a love interest and I’m really happy for him

Kipo season 3 came out

Literally the next day, the Dream SMP brainrot officially began

Discovered Thanzag existed and fell for the angsty side of their relationship despite knowing barely anything about the game

Poland scares and disappoints me part 3 (abortion edition)

Started bingeing The Magnus Archives and got through 150 episodes in about 2 weeks

Halloween was an eventful night for both the Jacksepticeye and Unus Annus communities

November 

Unus Annus began its epilogue period

Watched V For Vendetta for the first time which was probably the least eventful thing to happen on the night of November 5th 2020

Destiel became somewhat canon and people found out Putin was thinking of resigning because of that

US elections

Unus Annus died following a 12 hour livestream

Somehow, my mad attempt to summarise every video of Unus Annus kinda paid off

Supernatural trended again because of its finale

Went through a period of questioning whether I’m asexual but settled on ‘sex ambivalent allosexual’ for now

Destiel became canon again but reciprocated and Spanish this time

Discovered Webtoon and Castle Swimmer

December

The monolith saga began

Elliot Page came out as trans

Mark went to hospital for an obstruction again and the community became very invested in his recovery process

Scotch eggs with your drinks became a brief meme over here in Britain

Your New Boyfriend was released

Destiel’s canon status was brought back to the spotlight once more

Watched The Godfather for the first time

Reached 200 followers

We got somewhat of a Dan and Phil video after so long with Phil trying on clothes while Dan reacts behind the camera

BBC Ghosts came back for Christmas to say Tories suck and you should make the most of your time with your family

Got into Mother Mother after Wilbur played the intro to Hayloft and I decided to see what the fuss was about

Watched Bridgerton and immediately felt the need to write something historical

The Mishapocalypse returned

[teamdoubleoh]

00Q - WTNV AU

wordcount: 5205

“Hello listeners. Before I begin today’s program I have been asked by John Peters, you know, the farmer, to inform the public that the imaginary corn harvest will be delayed by two weeks this season, due to unforeseen showers of our ancestors tears and jell-o just outside city limits. You know what that means: No imaginary-corn-juice until September.

Regarding the sky: I should mention that it will be bright green tonight so keep your curtains shut and avoid late night walks.

I repeat: D̵͍̟̭͖̑͆̇͊͘ô̶̞̌͋̒̃ ̶̥̖̅͌̀͘ǹ̵̦̓́͝ỏ̸̲̋ṯ̷̗̽ ̴̱̣͖̪̐ḡ̶͔̫̤o̵͇̿̇̉̌ ̵͙̗͎̈́̈́͗̏o̷̤̳͍͉͐̽̌͊ṵ̸̟͂̍t̸͇̞̠̜̻͝ş̴̤̯̿͊̈́̉i̷̞̝̾̈͋͌̀d̵͈̥͆͆͝͠e̸̖̾.̵̥̳͉̌͜ ̴̧̖̯̪͖̊̊̋͘̚U̷̬̰̙͛́̔̌ṇ̸̣̆̔̑d̷̗̥́̑e̵̛͚͔̘̖̿̌̏̕r̶̬̦̒͆ ̶̯͖̰̦̏̒̎̂̕ņ̸͎̺̻͐͆ô̸̢͉̥̠̳̈́̑̈̓ ̸̞͔̀c̷̙̹̺̝̭̎̈́̇i̴̮̜̜͖̎͘͜r̷̦͙͚̙̹̀̂̐c̶̨̧̤̣̮̆͗̎̋u̷̧̧͇̯͐́͒̆͋m̶̟͈͍͖͐͂s̵̖̦͑̍͂͝ț̵̋͌̕ȃ̵̱͈̽͒͠n̵̗͔̼̫͉͑̈͐͠c̸͕̋̽͌̈́̌e̷͇̥̤̍̐̉͠s̷̝̦̍͌̿̓͝ ̸̢̗͇̫̟̈́̀a̷̱͗͠r̵̡̤͚̙̆͐͝ë̴̮̜̭́̓͗͠͝ ̴̡̜̀̄͜y̷̬͈̮̮͋ơ̶͖̮ư̸̫̮̌̈́ͅ ̶͇̈t̸̤͉̹̜̺͆͋o̵̗͒̐́ ̵̡̜̤̼̼̃͌̄̈́̒l̸̰͎̺̻̾͗͆̉õ̷̖o̷̞̞̝͔̿͑͛͜k̴̳̗̼͕̫̃̕ ̸͓̘͔̦̼͋̈̔͘à̸̫̳͈͔̝̀͐̑t̵̡̛̤͓͎̥̐̏͆̃ ̶̛̫̩̤̠̤̈̿̍t̵̮̘̳̳͔͐̎͘̚ḫ̷̡̧̢̛̝̋͠͝e̸̦͔̲̟̿͂̚̕ ̸̪̜̩̎̐̍͂ş̵̀̓̈́̚͝k̴̤̼͎̠̄͒̀̈́͠y̴̢̫̓̒ ̷̹̫̆̓̽͒͒t̴̨̢̺��ö̸̮̺́͝ń̴̤̀i̴̢̋͋̈́̚͜͝ĝ̸͕̊h̴̹̩̅͠ͅt̷͙͈̞̞͑͜.̸͙́́͐ .

The sky will regain its normal colour by 9am, just in time to go to bed. Tomorrow night it will temporarily be violet, just as scheduled for the second Saturday of August.

On local news: A stranger came into town tonight. They tell me he stopped by old woman Josie’s house to ask for directions, but she sent him away because he kept staring impolitely at the Angels which are not permanent residents in old woman Josie’s house. In fact they do not exist. And they lie.

To return to our stranger: He was fine.

No one who wears a bespoke suit like him is ever truly lost. It hasn’t got anything to do with the suit, only with the road map that was firmly lodged between his third to fifth rib and a shoulder holster under the suit. Our stranger is also nervous, or so they tell me. He wonders how I know, and he wonders who "they" are and why I am referring to him in this very moment, on the radio.

If I was insensible I would mention more things about him like how he likes Vodka Martinis and has developed a strong dislike of Venice and how he he can’t follow orders or rules or his heart.

Luckily I am not insensible.

Well, strangers are rare in Nightvale. The last time someone came to us from somewhere else I don't even remember. Dear listeners, I know what you're asking: What does he want from us? Why has he come? What is the last digit of π?

As it is my duty as a radio host, I will provide you with answers:

The last digit of π is a real number between 0 and 9.

The Stranger wants nothing from us. He was sent by someone who wants someone else and someone else is here, in our lovely little town.

So, he has come to find someone; maybe we could tell the stranger where he, who he is looking for, is but you know the rules. If you see something, say nothing. The sheriff's secret police has already gotten rid of any potential threat. The rules say so.

Our stranger can’t follow rules. He remembers his mission. He remembers that he has a mission, he even remembers why has one.

Another secret about our stranger: He is a spy. That also is the reason why he has a mission, and the mission is finding the special someone. Our stranger doesn't know the name of his someone but he knows others call him Quartermaster. He doesn't know how to find his someone.

Dear listeners. There is a stranger in Nightvale, who is looking for someone who is a stranger to him, but not us. He is a spy but others call him agent; He fears the waters of Venice, can't follow rules and his name is Bond. James Bond.

Just this evening I was out near the forbidden dog park at the corner of “Earl” and “Summer-set” near the “Ralph’s” when I met him. He still wore the same bespoke suit which was a bit crumpled after the many hours spent behind the wheel of his car.

On unrelated news: The Agent drives a silver DB5 Aston Martin with a pumpkin shaped coffee stain on the drivers seat, or so I’m told.

The Agent, James Bond, sat on a bench outside the dog park because the dog park was closed. The dog park was closed because it was Friday after 5pm and because it it closed every day.

He sat in that particular spot because he was instructed to. He doesn't know by whom exactly, but it says so in his mission file, so he has to sit here on this Friday afternoon and wait. According to his instructions the Quartermaster is supposed to meet him here but there is no Quartermaster, just an Agent alone on a bench.

I felt a little bad for him, and also a little weak on my feet because my left knee had just acted up again, so I sat next to him.

He didn’t say anything.

I said:" How do you like the dog park?"

He pointed towards the sign with the rules for the park and said:" Pretty pointless, If you ask me." I had asked him, so I didn't say anything further and he said:" Excuse me," and was gone.

Not instantly of course, he just walked at a fairly quick pace.

Honestly, I find it quite frankly astounding that the Agent drove all the way out here, only to sit on a bench to talk to someone but when someone showed up, he won’t even discuss dog parks without dogs or the inevitability of passing time.

Well.

Our sponsor today is the East India Company. Have you always wanted your own east India? Now you can have it for the low cost of a lifetime of conquest. West Indias are currently out of stock and not as cool as east Indias anyways. Get your own province today at east-india@nv.com.

I am distressed to announce that, due to unforeseen circumstances, the bowling-alley-arcade-fun complex will be closed until further notice. The Nightvale bowling team will instead train at the waterfront and harbour recreation area, which is also currently closed to the wider public. Sadly this means all bowling pins have to be exchanged for a volleyball net and the bowling balls for a beach volleyball.

Further more there are news from the station.

In the mens bathroom a cat has appeared. It does not seem to want to leave, or at least has made no attempt to, but maybe that has something to do with the local shift in gravity in there. The cat is currently living on the wall opposite the door, where she appears to be able to stick straight to the tiles. Well, you know how local gravitational faults are. But honestly, I don't have the time to call someone to fix it and none of the interns have been here at the station since this morning, so I guess we have a cat now.

In further station news I will now read the outcome of the vote my interns and I took over the course of yesterday’s lunch break. The vote was on wether or not I am to refer to them as "minions" in the future.

Alright, let’s see: Not In favour of the new title of "minion" are: ...Hm. Only me.

In favour of the new title of "minion" are: Minions Number 1, Number 2, Number 3, Number 4, Number 5, Number ... well. I assume you can already see where this is going.

I’ll check in on station management on any new developments in town. So now I present to you... the weather.”

(Mortal Man by Jeremy Loops)

“Welcome back listeners!

Station management wants to remind every one that words aren't silver. words are vibrations. Silence is golden. Thought is magic. From this we can conclude that Paul Watzlawick was wrong.

I am also to inform you that there has been an accident just outside dark owl records. No cars were involved, nor any other vehicles or pedestrians. Just the crashing of two squalls of hot dry desert air that didn't see each other coming.

There were no casualties.

To avoid future incidents remember to honk if you exist.

City council would like to thank the citizens of Nightvale that didn't come to get any documents approved this past week, as it has been very stressful and there were enough people present already. Anyone who wants to drop off any paperwork to get it signed is deeply unwelcome. If you still want to visit city hall today, be reminded that the first and second floor have been temporarily moved to the basement. Be also reminded that the basement is off limits to non-employes.

There are news on the agent. During break I went to visit him on his bench. I suppose it would be unprofessional of me to point out that he is good looking so I won’t. I pointed out some of the hooded figures in the dog park and he quickly shushed me. Apparently he has finally decided to read the rules for the dog park, although he appears to have missed the fine script.

He then kept looking at me strangely and asked how I knew about him being an agent. He said he was just listening to me on the radio talking about it.

I said I didn't know he was an agent, they told me he was an agent. I also know agents, and they are all very similar. None of them like to bring back the equipment in one piece, or follow the rules, or black forest cake.

He seemed very taken aback by that. He asked how I knew any agents at all. It was really rather amusing, but of course I told him. I said I know agents because it's my equipment they break. and my rules they won't follow, although there only is one: Always return the equipment in one piece.

He asked if I worked for the government and wether I was allowed to tell him all this. My break was over so I didn't have time to answer him but he is listening to the radio right now, so: I don’t work for the government, there is no such thing. And why wouldn't I be allowed to tell you this? It’s not like it is a secret like sheriff Sam’s secret police. Strangers are so strange... Anyway.

Minion number 1 Is gesturing wildly at her copy of tonights script from outside the booth. I wonder what she could be trying to tell me.

Well.

Next up is traffic.

Do you know how to swim? Have you ever swam in a lake or river or the ocean? If you have, you know the creeping dawning that below you there is nothing for a few feet. Or miles. So much space between you and the earth. But it does not matter because the water protects you from your inevitable death. Lucky you. If you have put you head under water in the ocean and opened your eyes to see nothing but a vast emptiness you know what it it is like in space. You look around and maybe, if you're lucky you’ll spot a fish or two and can find relief in the knowledge that you are not alone in this strange inner outer space. If you don’t spot a fish or two you will soon feel the sinking fear of realisation that you are still not alone. You won't ever be. But it is so, so silent. There really isn't anything there you can see. You're lucky you can actually see that you're alone otherwise you would be so so afraid in this moment of realisation. If your head was above the surface right now you wouldn't see a thing below you because the suns reflection would hide it. Or maybe there wouldn't be anything to hide. Maybe you really are alone. You are so lucky you are below the surface and can actually see what is there and what isn't. So lucky you don’t need to go back up there, where the air is. You don’t need air. You need to keep watch. You should go swim in the ocean.

And now a public service announcement.

The nightvale scientific community calls for volunteers. Volunteers are required to be born no later than tomorrow morning and are not allowed to be dead yet. If you are already dead please leave a note, ore reapply at an earlier date. The volunteers which fit these requirements are asked to come to the station tomorrow morning at 9pm. We are aware this is well into the “personal free time” following the average nine-to-five job but we ask you to show up anyways. Scientists work best during sleeping hours. The scientific community also reminds you that we have a new experiment running, so if you spot any orbs around town, do no question them. D̵̺̪͗̈ọ̸��̗͓̘̇̽͐ ̶̹̦̠͔͒ͅn̷̠͊̔̀͋ŏ̶̢̯̓̋̉͜t̴̡̺̹̾̀́̕ ̷͇͔͇̈́q̶̥͈̋́̄ụ̸͔̐̇̄͆ē̶̬̈́͑̂̈s̵̺̑́ț̶̮̻̭̪͌͝ị̶̪͓͐͝ö̵͓́͊̑n̴̗̳̤̑͐ ̵̖̑́t̸̨̡̢̛̝͉̉͝h̶̩̓ẽ̴̹̳̄̾͗ ̶̣͔͎̬̍̎̀̌ő̶̫̈́̀̌̽r̵̜̮̙͎̰͊̉̊̕̚b̵̘͍̖̽͜͜s.̷͖͈̗͉̅̃̓̊̈́

This was a public service announcement.

My friend Eve who currently works under station management wants me to remind everyone with blond hair that doors are for people with no imagination. She also wants me to remind everyone with any other hair colour that doors are for people with no imagination. Bald people are exempt from this rule for obvious reasons.

Next up are horoscopes.

People that are born under Aquarius should remember to text someone. Who?Oh you know.

People who have the same star sign as Moneypenny are reminded that we value them as a friend and that they deserve the world and a muffin.

People born under the same star sign as Minion 3 should know that their cooking skills could still be improved. Not by a lot though. Your cooking is wonderful.

People under the same star sign as Q - oh thats me, what a coincidence - should remember to announce something important to their community, such as the dangers of the world or the fact that big rico's is having a sale right now.

People with the same star sign as the Agent, James Bond, should know that their goals are in closer proximity than they might think and that volunteer work is a way to enrich the community as well as the heart.

Thats it for todays horoscopes.  

In unrelated news a quick personal statement. It’s a cruel world. .

Also: big rico’s pizza is having their monthly midnight snack sale.

That’s it for tonight. Stay tuned for the sound of our new station pet walking up and down the restroom’s tiled wall.”

***

On a bench not too far away sat a stranger. He was an Agent and his name was James Bond. Slowly he turned down the volume of his portable radio and inhaled deeply. Tomorrow he would be at the station at 9am sharp, as a volunteer to nightvale’s scientific community.

If he could find this quartermaster anywhere it would be there, he was sure of it. Then he could get out of this weird little town where the radio host knew everything about him. Though when he looked at it that way, the quartermaster could probably know everything about him too, if he wanted to. Not that James had met the quartermaster, but this was the 21st century. With the right skills anyone could find out anything and everyone could turn out to be someone else. He would have to wait for tomorrow.

XXX

"Hello listeners!

Today I am happy to announce that we will be witness to some Experiment down at Q branch, located in the stations cellars. As I am nightvales only radio show host, I was asked to describe the proceeding of todays displays to our younger listeners.

As it is nearly 9 am the volunteers have already arrived. I am correctly standing amidst them, waiting to get into the stations cellar where the headquarter of the  nightvale scientific community is located. The volunteers who are standing with me here today are Minion 2, Minion 5 and Minion 4 as well as the Agent, James Bond.

Seems like everyone else wants to spend time with their loved ones instead of a cellar, weird.

Anyways. They tell me the agent has come in the hope that the quartermaster will be present today, which is a shame because I know for a fact that he isn't currently in the cellar.

Oh. The Agent, James Bond, has joined me over here by the door. It appears he has heard what I said. He’s saying something, wait let me turn down the back feed first.

He says: “How do you know the Quartermaster is not in there?”  

Well, I have to admit, it would just be plain sad if I didn't. The minions are snickering. James Bond has now turned to Minion 5 to ask them why they think this is funny. 5 replies with “because it is”. Well I can’t say I disagree. Now Bond seems a little agitated. He turns back to me. He's asking if I know the Quartermaster. Of course I do. He is asking what I mean with “Of course”.

Well dear listener, this seems like the perfect time to quote Lao Tse. “He who knows others is wise, he who knows himself is enlightened.”

I feel like this is also the perfect time to tell James that I am Head of Q branch, the nightvale scientific community, which means that I definitely should be wise, or at the very least very, very smart.

He seems to take this information well, which is good, especially when we take into consideration that the agent could probably kill me with his right hand tied behind his back. Or so I'm told.

Now the agent looks exasperated. He asks me who they are. I think I showed you just yesterday, James. Honestly, pay a little attention. May I call you James?

He says I may, If I tell him what my name is.

Ah, good one Agent. I can’t tell you that. Anyways, Minion 4 is signing me that it’s time to start the experiment.

She's right dear listeners! I’m kind of busy holding my broadcasting equipment. Number 2, would you be so kind and take the key out of my left pocket? Ah thanks. Alright Listeners, we’re heading inside.

For those of you who haven't been down in Q branch before, which, to be frank, should be all of you, let me quickly describe it.

Imagine a cellar. The ceiling is held up by brick pillars. Imagine desks and computers and loads of scientific equipment with weird names no-one but a scientist could ever hope pronouncing correctly between the pillars. Also some of the walls are painted in a lovely off-white and navy blue combination.

Minions 2, 4 and 5 as well as James Bond and myself are currently in the quarter of the room which seems the most cluttered and is closest to the door. of course it only seems the most cluttered because it is. That’s because we’re currently in the area designated for engineering, and for some reason we never come around to cleaning up. Mostly because we don't want to.

To our left is the quarter designated for chemistry and, by default, toxicology. Do not ever, under any circumstances consume anything in the close vicinity.

Greetings go out to Minion 9, who is currently in intensive care at nightvale’s public hospital.  

To our right is our testing area. Since a not necessarily small part of the equipment we manufacture is meant to blow up at some point, we have a secluded this area with bags of sand to keep the debris away from the more fragile things down here. Finally, at the opposite end of the room is the designated area for data processing.

Bond is now strolling towards the desk in the middle and is looking at the laptop on top of it. Maybe I should stop him. Well. He has opened the laptop. he seems to be confused. Wait a second listeners, I have to go get my computer back.

Bond is looking at me. He’s asking who the laptop belongs to. Well, I did jut say it belongs to me didn’t I.

He seems disappointed. He’s asking if I could just tell him where the quartermaster is. I mean I could, but why would I? The quartermaster came here to get away from the government.

James is asking me how I know the quartermaster, if I’m working with agents. If the quartermaster doesn't trust the government, why does he trust agents?

Dear listeners, If I remember correctly I told James only yesterday the government wasn't real. It seems he doesn't believe me. Oh well.

He’s still waiting for an answer. He’s staring at me, this is why I avoid human interaction. He has these weird blue eyes. And he only has two eyes too. all of my minions, except Number 3 have more than two eyes, though I don’t know why. Number 3 has two eyes but he's blind. I have two eyes too, but I have access to at least a few dozen at any given time so I don't really count. He's still staring. This is weird. How do I tell someone I don't want to tell them. Ah he's groaning. Right, he can hear me. I am so not used to talking to people face to face.

Anyway. Time to start the experiment!

All volunteers are placed over by the chemistry slash toxicology area. None of them know what the experiment is, which is entirely their fault. minions 2, 4 and 5 were actually hand picked by me because they never listen when I tell them important stuff, like:" If you're listening right now, you can go home early tonight".

Now number 2 and 5 are looking at me grumpily while 4 is signing "ha ha.” Sorry 4, I needed at least three Minions.

Alright listeners, today were testing a new defence system which I have installed in some of our most commonly used artillery.

As I've mentioned before, agents rarely ever bring back the equipment we build for them, which is a shame because most of it are prototypes.

James is frowning at me, like he always brings back his equipment. I happen to know he didn’t return a single thing from his past four missions. Now he’s frowning even more. Hm.

The system we’re testing today is a feature designed to improve the shooting ability of the agent the gun was designated to, and only them.

If you'll remember I mentioned our new palm print encoded hand gun in last weeks fun facts children's science corner, right between a brief explanation on the planets of our solar system and the sociology of blue whales.

While the guns we are testing today aren’t equipped with the encoded palm print, they have been upgraded with the feature that allows the agents to hit more precise. Since only only one of the minions present today is proficient in shooting guns of this category, we will compare the aim of Minion 5 and James with  Minion 2 and Minion 4, who usually work in chemistry and are thus more proficient in hand to hand combat and poetry.

I will now give each volunteer an upgraded Walther P99. They will shoot the target until the clip runs out. Then we will count the missed shots and put the results in the protocol. Remember kids: The difference between screwing around and science is writing stuff down. Then we will repeat the sequence, take a quick break and then repeat the sequence again to erase any errors that might occur in the system. Until the experiment is finished I will be off the air to spare you the noise. Alright Minions and James, you heard me. Go."

***

James aimed, exhaled and pulled the trigger. Perfect hit. He aimed and shot again until there were no bullets left. All perfect hits. He reloaded his handgun, an action he could, evidently, do in his sleep. He raised his gun again and emptied the clip into his human shaped target, which was now missing a good chunk of paper brain and heart.

"Nicely done" someone said behind him. The radio host slash scientist had sneaked up on him, presumably during the gunfire, otherwise Bond would have heard him. Or at least he was pretty sure he would have. James put down the weapon on a nearby desk. "Thanks. It comes with the job"

He meant it. He knew he didn’t actually do much good, though his actions usually had consequences that were better than those that would have occurred if he hadn’t intervened. He was still good at what he did.

The radio host put his head to one side "I imagined it would. Would you mind and stop calling me radio host in your head? It’s really quite irritating."

James chocked on air. "You can read my mind?"

The radio host laugh was quite beautiful and James couldn't stop himself from thinking that, if he hadn't sworn off romance after Vesper, he'd have given the radio host a shot, albeit still not know his name. He then immediately shunned himself, feeling childish for his sudden affection for a man he barely knew.

The radio host had recovered from his outburst. "Although I technically could read you mind, because I work with the secret police, I can’t right now. I don’t need to, to know what you have dubbed me. I’m good at reading people. It’s one of the few useful things I learned from my brothers. But to get back to your original question; you may call me Q. Just please stop with the “radio host”."

James smiled one of his rare smiles and lowered his head in a mock bow. "Alright then Q, pleased to make your acquaintance." Q nodded dignified and answered lightly:" You as well James Bond." "Now that we’re no longer strangers may I ask you some questions Q, or am I being too forward?" Q rolled his eyes:"Of course. You may ask me anything you'd like"

"And would you answer me if I asked?"

Q smiled at him cheekily. "Not necessarily. But you can certainly try."

"Thats more than I expected, so I won't complain."

"How very generous of you."Q answered deadpan.

The corner of James mouth twitched. "May I invite you for a late dinner, then? That’ll give me more time to ask questions you won’t have to answer."

"Fine. I'll find you. Now, get back to shooting, break is over and you still have one more sequence to complete." James only smiled and went to pick up his gun.

***

In the end James decided to go to “big Rico’s pizza”for dinner. He wasn't actually hungry and he didn't know any restaurants in the area anyways. Also this was the one the radio host - Q - had mentioned on the radio. He chose a table close to the door, but not by the window - a habit he didn’t hope to break anytime soon - and ordered a soda.

Ten minuted later the bell above the door rang and Q came in, carrying a suitcase that looked like it came straight out of a movie set in the 1920's.

James expression just have mirrored his thoughts, because as soon as Q sat down he began smiling again. He had a very pretty smile. "The suitcase is actually not that old James. I bought it just a few months back."

"I would have thought they stopped making those after World War 2."

Q’s smile turned mischievous. "Oh absolutely. But you know what they say - Time is relative." "Of course it is" James muttered and took a sip from his large Coca Cola. At this point he was very sure that nothing could startle him anymore.

Q’s expression grew serious. "No, really. There's a black hole just below the market place in the abandoned tunnels, so time there is passing much slower."

James shrugged. Honestly, what had he expected. "So, why do you carry a suitcase around?"

"To keep my stuff in it. Well I say stuff. it's actually just a teleporter to Q-branch, so I carry it around in case I need to go back." Q answered lightly.

"There's a mobile teleport station in your suitcase, which you bought a few months back but also in 1920. "

"Yes. Although when you phrase it like that it does sound rather absurd."Q mused. "But I believe you had a few questions?"

"You have no idea" James answered honestly, still eyeing the suitcase. A few didn’t even remotely cut it. "You know I’m an Agent, you know I’m looking for the Quartermaster and you know the Quartermaster."

Q nodded thrice. "And your question is?"

"How?"

"I told you I had agents didn’t I? I even showed you."

James cocked an eyebrow in question "Your minions?"

"They’re my interns. The hooded figures, you know, from the dog park work as my agents. And some Erikas, when they feel like it."

James frowned.

"You know. The angels which don’t exist?"

"I thought no one is to refer to the angels, or hooded figures for that matter. It said so on the sign. "

"Of course," Q smirked "but it also says in very fine script just underneath that that government officials are exempt from that rule."

"You do work for the government then?"

"Of course not, I told you the government didn't actually exist. I am the government. Although it took me a whole three weeks to eradicate the existing government without anyone noticing" "And you’re the head of the scientific community? and the only radio host in town? It seems you are a busy man Q"

"Busy? Yes. Efficient? Also yes. Why do you think they want me back?"

"Who?"

"MI6 of course. I used to work for them but I'm currently taking a sabbatical. Well, I call it a sabbatical, they call it Missing."

"You know the Quartermaster from your work at 6 then?"

"Hm, I suppose you could say that."  Q leaned forward and folded his hands under his chin "Tell me James. What do you want with the quartermaster?"

"As you've pointed out so cleverly on the radio I dont want anything from him. But I suppose MI6 might want their employee back."

Q leaned back again and began to rock back and forth on his chair’s hind legs. "I guess that’s a valid point. I never did resign properly after all," He mused.

"Q is short for Quartermaster then?"

"Of course. I told you I’d never tell you my name. I dont think anyone still uses it, except for Mummy of course...” he trailed of.

“I have to say, I had my suspicions Q”

“ Shall we go then? We can take some pizza if you'd like."

"I’m not actually hungry. I havn’t been hungry or tired or thirsty since I arrived."

"Ah yes, thats Nightvale for you, " Q said offhandedly. "Alright then. Let’s head to that car of yours. Wonderfull piece of machinery."

"Why, thank you Q"

"Especially the various extra features of course. There are quite a bit. Or so they tell me"

"You won't stop saying that in the near future, are you?" James asked with a smile on his lips.

"Not in a million lifetimes." Q chipped easily. "Now, James. I don’t think I've properly introduced myself. I'm your new Quartermaster."

[alchemist-shizun]

Do cats exist? Debate.

Or: The Welcome To Night Vale au nobody asked for

Word count: 1,823

Taglist: @bookwormscififan @suffering-is-my-comfort-zone @pistachio-lan @pushussmollworld @be-more-chaotic @quietlypondering

Warnings: None that I can think of, there are references to the 4/9/16 episodes.

Characters: Virgil, Deceit, Logan(Mentioned)

Relationship(s): Implied Loceit (we have Dee pining a lot)

Summary: The town has a new favorite mascotte! That's right everybody, give it up for Virgil the black cat, about to charm his way to the conquering of the entire solar system. But, for now, he's sleeping and eating all day and giving out occasional love advice.

A/n: Me? Still refusing to give Deceit a name and just rolling with that? More likely than you think. Just so you know, at some point I wrote "Carlos" instead of "Logan". Another funny thing: I sent the first paragraph to a friend (Hi Gaia if you're reading!) that knows nothing about ts nor wtnv and demanded I absolutely sent her the fic when finished so, peak weirdness everybody. I had a lot of fun writing this, I kinda got in the vibe and just went for it, I could even say I'm somehow proud of how it turned out! But enough of me, I hope you enjoy this little piece 💖

✾

What was a perfectly ordinary day for Night Vale, with its wondrous citizens conducting their quotidian tasks and duties, the sun setting down maybe a slight bit later than the other days and the occasional pet kidnapped by ancient forgotten underground tribes that none should know about and that don't actually exist, couldn't end in anything but a perfectly ordinary night.

Deceit closed the door behind himself with a satisfied sigh; another eventful working day for the radio station had just passed and he let himself wander around the building in search of the bathrooms. Because, you know, sometimes they liked to change places.

Of course, his mere intentions were freshening up a bit and going home once and for all for the night, only that a looming figure above him darkened the room by covering the single source of light on the ceiling and caught his attention immediately.

When he looked up, he was met with a sleeping cat seemingly suspended in the air right next to the sink, which was his destination. Now, don't get him wrong, he wasn't exactly a cat person, but he wasn't a monster either and, well, he was going to wake the poor tired creature if he were to make too much noise!

Walking softly, Deceit made his way to the sink, eyeing carefully the floating creature.

Thoughts of the latest ongoing events traveled through his mind every so often mixing up with other inexplicable ones and just as much frequently going back to that amazingly stunning scientist.

Wasn't it remarkable how washing your face pulled you into an ineffable stream of thoughts in a matter of miserable seconds? Truly one of the quirks of the existence of life.

Deceit started walking back to the door when he heard shuffling in the air and low growling. He turned back to see the black cat on his back, still hovering above the ground, then rolling to get a good view of who had dared to intrude in his new territory.

He had to admit, he didn't realize it at first, but he would've gone back to that moment in the future and he would've labeled it as the exact instant he got raptured by those fascinating different coloured eyes, two little sparkly and attentive irises in the middle of ashen fur. The left one looked like a glacier, not that he had ever seen one close enough to determine its existence, but he could sense a chilly breeze at the sole thought; the right one, though, he wasn't sure. At first glance, it seemed green, only for it to then change to a light brown and, eventually, the more Deceit forced his sight, the more he thought he was seeing them at the same time in a weird yellowish combination. He decided to stop staring, as it wasn't polite.

Nothing of the animal's aura felt threatening, or alarmed at all. It was simply there, bouncing in the nothingness of the room, waiting for Deceit to make any kind of move with no particular expectation.

So he paced forward and gently reached for the cat with one hand: it didn't move, except for the slow calculated heaving of its chest with every breath. Deceit's hand reached the top of its head and, as soon as they shared contact through little caresses, the cat began to purr in contempt and closed its eyes, rubbing its head against his fingers as it decided it could trust him. A half-smile appeared on his lips.

« Oh my! » one of Deceit's coworkers stormed into the bathroom as soon as they saw the scene. « This is the most adorable being I've ever seen! »

Soon enough, a small pack of people was huddled around the cat as he (one of them stated he was, in fact, male) solely licked his paws and was offered food and water.

Now that was good news for the radio; Deceit was aware of the little classification of information that had been going on for millennia, thanks to Erodotus. First priority was a witnessed action, second place was for the action that a person heard from a witness and third came the determining of which could be categorized as potentially true events and which were definitely made up.

Sometimes there was a thin line between the two.

So, yes, as a witness, as soon as he got the chance, he was definitely going to update the town on their new claimed pet.

In a matter of weeks, he had become everybody's best friend and the town's listeners were always more than eager to be informed of how the adorable chubby boy of the radio station's bathroom was doing! Deceit himself couldn't stop sneaking out at times to give him a couple of treats.

I mean, come on, who could even resist those cute demanding eyes? Khoshekh's glare was too much to bear, he kept on getting what he wanted every single time. Gee, what an intelligent and charming cat he was. Who were humans against him? He could have ruled the world if he wanted. Was he going to? You could perceive a certain sparkle in his eyes ...

Maybe.

One day.

But at that time, he only cared for his precious treats and he was fine that way.

Five weeks had passed from the last update on the wonderful feline, when Deceit shut the door of the bathroom behind himself in a movement that reminded him much about the first time he saw Khoshekh.

His face fell in his hands.

« You need to know this. » Deceit's half-muffled voiced traveled through his fingers and reached the cat's ears. Something shifted in the air, but he was too busy pacing around the room and looking at the pavement tiles to realize what had happened.

The light of the room just a bit darker, the shade of the cat just a bit bigger.

Deceit trailed off, gushing about how Logan had called him and how he had acted like a total dumbass, but hey, if that was the price he had to pay to talk to him, he was more than willing to embarrass himself even more.

« For real, though. Can you believe I just said "neat"? Who even says it anymore? » he pinched the bridge of his nose as he heard a humming noise, a little too human to be coming from a cat.

Then again, Deceit was too lost in auto-commiseration to notice.

« Why don't you just ask him out? »

Wait, what?

He had been sure to close the door earlier, he hadn't heard none coming in at all, was he that lost in thought that he-

When his eyes turned to the door, there was none standing in its place, or coming either in or out.

Oh gosh, oh no.

Deceit sighed deeply. Did someone really turn invisible again?

« Over here. » the voice came back from behind him, which caused him to turn to the actual source.

Or not.

In front of him there was a boy definitely younger than him, completely dressed in black clothing and purple patches on his too big but definitely comfortable hoodie, which matched his hair color.

Now, where did he come from?

« Where's the cat? »

« What cat? There's never been a cat. »

Deceit notices the boy was floating mid-air and he had heterochromia. A blue eye and a greenish-brown one.

« You're absolutely right, my mistake. »

The boy crossed his legs and shrinked in his baggy clothing, letting his body be comforted by the softness of the materials.

« So, why don't you do it? » he repeated, looking down on him with a seemingly sleeping expression. Where those his dark circles right under his eyes?

« Oh, I don't think I could ever muster up the courage. »

« And yet, you're able to talk to the entire town at once. »

As much as that was true, Deceit felt deep down that there was no way one could compare Logan's stupendous existence with the one of an ordinary Night Vale citizen. There was really no way.

« He said he didn't need to meet me. » he retorted, clearly just making up excuses at that point.

« He did call you, of all people, though. »

Deceit's eyes widened at the realization. « Oh my god you're right. »

His head fell back in his hands as he replayed the entire conversation in his head for the billionth time, a quiet snicker from the boy filled the silence that was left.

The boy watched him talk to himself about infinite possibilities of where that was probably going.

Then, as if on cue, as if some kind of deity was watching down on them and deciding that was the best moment to strike with a train of coincidences, with a smile on their face so wide it might have fallen from the sky at any time, Deceit's phone rang again.

« It's him! » he exclaimed, surprise in his eyes. Another call? Was it Easter? Christmas came early?

« Go, have you privacy, it's almost time to go back to your room anyway. » how the boy knew that he didn't know, but he complied and excused himself, only to find his working place right next to the bathroom door.

It seemed that day was starting to favor him.

The boy in the bathroom waited.

He floated around the room, mostly by the sink, occasionally changing position. No other worker came by, apart from that lover boy.

He remembered him as the one to give him the most food and care, which would have explained his willingness to change form in his presence.

He had just started to drift back off to sleep, his head barely brushing the wall, when Deceit stormed back in with a huge grin on his face. Was that even a normal facial expression?

« I may have a date. »

« See? What did I tell you? »

He had barely time to speak as Deceit started explaining with a painstakingly accuracy every detail of the phone call and how Logan's voice sounded, so much that the boy could have perfectly imagined it and believed to have already heard it once.

« I need to get ready. » the man started making his way toward the exit.

« Isn't it tomorrow? »

« Yes, but I don't think I'm going to handle it if I don't mentally prepare myself for this. »

« Touché. »

After exchanging their goodbyes (and some food), Deceit was halfway through the door when the boy called out.

« And please, for the love of the glow cloud, tell them my name is Virgil! »

And Virgil hoped he had heard him, despite being lost in his own thoughts and scenarios.

He truly did hope.

[the-slut-verses]

whoops a word must have gotten lost in that ask, i meant to say that i want to listen to tscosi *again* :D it's been close to a year since i first listened to it, but i love it a lot! it's definitely one of my favorite podcasts. instead, i started kalila stormfire's economical magick services a couple of days ago ^^

YEAH! tscosi is also one of my faves! and it’s got a special place in my heart cuz it’s one of the first shows i listened to after wtnv got me into podcasts in the first place. and i feel you should! cuz it’s one of those shows that’s got lot of foreshadowing and small details i appreciated more on my second listen. AND YESSS!! I am very happy to hear that you’re starting ksems! i’d also be very happy to hear your thoughts and takes on it, if you wanna share!

[ID: Anonymous ask sent to chekhovs-harpoon, dated August 25, 2020. It states, “the interpersonal drama is really compelling! and i think part of that is that podcasts as a medium haven't been taken over by Big Corporations yet, and therefore there's no need to let a show's writing suffer in favor of cheap drama that only exists For The Views, or Subverting Expectations; and because it doesn't take as much money to start a podcast, there's a lot of awesome queer representation. just. podcasts are good :)” End ID]

YESSSS!! THAT EXACTLY! I FEEL THAT! I am just in love with this medium and it’s just spoiled me rotten for good queer rep and well written interpersonal drama, so much so that like, not to sound like a hipster but, a lot of mainstream stuff just isn’t interesting to me anymore. I wonder if you’ve seen my post being salty about big corporations getting into podcast, esp in regards to a certain podcast I will not name. And no lie, I’m kinda wary of all these big production companies getting into podcasts,,, and maybe gentrifying the medium. but that’s a discussion for another day.

[ID: 2 anonymous asks sent to chekhovs-harpoon. Both are dated to August 25, 2020.

The first ask states, “that's true! and the agent blanc promo seems to confirm that word got out, otherwise they wouldn't need to try to convince people that the recordings were faked. (which reminds me, what does the general population think? it sounded like reina valencia is fairly popular, and and i wonder if people on cassandra believe her, and what people on other planets think - did they lose trust in the strategic alliance? do they agree making more pasithea is necessary?) (1/2)”

The second ask states, “and i still worry about jane's safety, and about how sophie is going to take this (2/2)” End ID]

Yeah, I agree, Reina Valencia seems to be well loved among the people, and I feel like the majority of Cassandrans would probably still be supportive of her and continued production of the pasithea powder, if the reaction to the Raleigh Conspiracy was anything to go by. And if anything, the reveal that it’s actually all for battling psychic shapeshifting aliens and not mind control might actually solidify even more support for her. Tho there’ll probably be mass panic and it’s gonna be a whole Thing. Cuz like, these others could already be around us. Like, I only realized when I was seeing my friends relisten that Sophie saw an Other in the crowd in that tavern where the Friendship Delegation was doing drunk karaoke, when she said she saw one of her old classmates(? I forger which one specifically, but they were a person from her past).

The Medeans would also probably be very angry, but lowkey happy that that Cassandra and the PSA are facing a massive PR nightmare. Jane said that she didn’t do those conspiracies for the Medeans, and the Medean ambassador was shady, but I feel like Medea is probably the safest place for her to seek refuge in. I think I remember it being mentioned she was seen as a hero there?

The PSA’s reaction would be harder to generalized cuz I’m under the impression that they’re more a loose alliance than an actual nation state, more of a space UN. I think, only the uppermost echelons of the PSA would have known, and the local leaders of individual worlds would probably not have been told about the Others and the renewed production of pasithea, it’s all new information to them as well, so the PSA is gonna have a real PR disaster.

I’m also worried abt Sophie. Decorated war hero as she is, people might not like her sharing private access with a well known traitor to Cassandra, and if Reina Valencia can’t get at Jane, she might scapegoat Sophie, or use her to get to Jane, or try to spin the story like a tragedy and Sophie a martyr. And that’s not even going into all the personal angst she’s going through. So many interesting possibilities I am excited for the next season!!

[albatris]

WIP Tag!

thanks @cautiousgoose (@goose-scratch) for the tag! 

I’m sorry this took so long, and that this got so long, this is the first tag I’ve done in like a century, I've been like..... moving house n stuff, I've been busy, kind of

anyway

I'm doing this for all the doors becaaaause. I'm lazy. yup

What is the working title of your book?

"all the doors are open"!

Where did the idea for the book come from?

honestly I don’t remember specifically, I’m pretty sure I didn’t actually plan to Go Anywhere with this plot, I just started messing round with it for fun then decided to keep rolling with it

but ok, yeah, serious answer, I liked the idea of an apocalypse story that’s not so much ABOUT the apocalypse, y’know, like.... there’s this premise of the story, which is basically..... “reality is coming apart at the seams and the universe is literally unravelling under our feet, we have no idea how long we’ve got and we’re all fucking terrified” but then just.......... well, what are you meant to DO about that, really

so then you’ve got just a plain old story about people being people, going about their lives as best they can, against this weirdass apocalyptic backdrop, which was just an idea I was super drawn to

and I wanted to explore the ways I could have this objectively horrifying world, and present a story that’s upbeat and hopeful and fun. or, like, a story that’s by definition about The Destruction And The End, but have almost every theme around ideas about creation and hope and new perspectives

that was a concept I was really keen to mess around with and explore c’:

What genre is your current work in progress?

hell if I know, I'm bad at genres lmao

most of my stuff falls into the realm of fantasy/sci-fi, and I think ATDAO is a little more sci-fi leaning than fantasy...... but yeah my science is absolute nonsense bullshit with no real world basis whatsoever

it's internally consistent in its nonsense bullshit though and that's what matters

guess you could call it some kinda YA coming of age sorta thing. idfk. in my brain I liken it to the same genre as "the rest of us just live here" by patrick ness. y'know. a people story that just so happens to be set against a fantastical background

Choose actors for your movie rendition.

oh good lord no, I can't do faceclaims, I'm so unbelievably picky, we would be here for a month

the only acceptable ATDAO movie renditions are either with an entirely new cast of characters or with every single character being played by brooms in various wigs

Give a one sentence synopsis of your book.

"maybe the real door was the friends we made along the way!!"

no that's definitely not it, fucking ignore me

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agent?

ehhh that's Future Logan Problems

I'd give traditional publishing a crack but in all honesty I'll probably just decide I'm too lazy to do either and I'll just fuckin post it online and be like "there have it it's free it's yours go!" because lmao

How long did it take you to write your first draft?

ohohohoho let's not open that can of worms

What other books could you compare your story to?

uhhhhh

well I already said vaguely "the rest of us just live here" by patrick ness in terms of genre, that’s probably the best I can come up with, in that it’s definitely a Story About People that just so happens to have this weird fantastical backdrop

and I've had people tell me in the past that my writing voice reminds them of douglas adams (generally only when I go full Phoenix Building Chronicles lmao. but that is, coincidentally, exactly when I have the most fun)

there's also a matter-of-factness with which people just sort of sigh and Deal with the objectively horrifying nonsense that's constantly happening around them as reality ever-so-slightly entirely unhinges itself, which is something that can I guess be likened to bits of WTNV??

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Who or what inspired you to write the book?

uhhhhhhhhh lots of people lots of places lots of things, but mostly like...... writing for me has always been one of the ways I process and explore the world, and..... I mean.... I sorta just write the sorts of stories I wish I’d had when I was younger, so in writing them I hope one day they’ll reach other people who need them. or want them. or whatever. aw that’s cheesy I’m gonna be quiet

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

bold of you to assume anything I've said so far has piqued the reader's interest

mkay there’s a lot I could mention here but I’ll take this opportunity to scream about something that is very important to me personally

so one of the main things for me is like....... I struggle so much to find stories with mentally ill characters that aren’t Capital A About mental illness. like. u know what I mean right. I know you know

mentally ill characters, they don’t really get to exist in fiction unless they serve a purpose or unless their mental illness is the entire point of the story, they don’t get to just go on a cool fuckin adventure because Fuck Yeah

like Tris deals with psychosis, he hears voices and has delusions, and Noa has what will eventually be diagnosed as borderline personality disorder, Shara and Kai and Alice have their own fuckery to deal with........... and like YEAH, the book’s discussions and depictions of mental illness aren’t ever something that’s watered down or played off as a joke, it’s one of the very few things I don’t poke fun at

but at its heart it’s still just a fuckin dumbass frolicking cross-dimensional sci-fi adventure. no nasty plot twists. no cheap gotchas. just a fuckin good time with a happy ending

anyway, it’s been a while since I’ve properly done a tag, honestly I have no idea who in writeblr likes to Be Tagged anymore and I definitely lost that list that was goin’ round........ also I feel like most of you have probably already done this one........ and ALSO it’s the middle of camp nano........ but I’m gonna tag some of my usual suspects and then some new faces, hello, feel free 2 ignore

@justaprettylittlesoulwriter @elliot-orion @christinewrites @itstheenglishkid @awolfthatwrites @breakeven2007 @spacebrick3 @chibi-shuuya aaaaand I lied I’m not tagging new faces that’s scary and I’m shy

[colmfahey-archive]

tag games

yes hello it is time again to catch up on tag games bc i’m an awful person who forgets i got tagged

30 songs tag

i was tagged by @argentsxarrow, thank you <3

Rules: Answer all questions then tag 3 people you follow and 3 people that follow you that you want to get to know better. 

A song you like with a color in the title? white t-shirt and jeans by dinosaur pile-up

A song you like with a number in the title? 22 by deaf havana

A song that reminds you of summer? stay the night by james blunt

A song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget? breaking point by crown the empire

A song that needs to be played out loud? bad reputation by joan jett

A song that makes you want to dance? give me your hand (best song ever) by the ready set

A song to drive to? afterglow by all time low

A random song you first think of? sickago by deaf havana

A song that makes you happy? off to see the world by lukas graham

A song that makes you sad? house on the hill by the pretty reckless

A song you never get tired of? do i wanna know? by arctic monkeys

A song from your past? sleeping my day away by d-a-d

A song that’s sexy? goin’ down by the pretty reckless

A song you’d love to be played at your wedding? tennessee whiskey by chris stapleton

A song you’re currently obsessed with? zombie by bad wolf (the cranberries cover)

A song you used to love but now hate? i can’t think of any

A song you’d sing a duet with at karaoke? breaking free from high school musical

A song from the year you were born? song 2 by blur

A song that makes you think about life? castle on the hill by ed sheeran

A song that has many meanings to you? snow (hey oh) by red hot chili peppers

A song you think everyone should listen to? tompkins square park by mumford & sons

A song by a group you still wish was together? the world is ugly by my chemical romance

A song that makes you want to fall in love? something just like this by the chainsmokers ft. coldplay

A song that breaks your heart? afire love by ed sheeran

A song with amazing vocals? speak to me by amy lee

A song with amazing rap? garage palace by gorillaz ft. little simz

A song that makes you smile? go go go by sleeping with sirens

A song that makes you feel good about yourself? the strays by sleeping with sirens

A song that you would dedicate to you and your best friend/mutuals/someone close to you? forevigt by volbeat 

A song that reminds you of yourself? astronaut by simple plan

i was tagged by @jaimclannister, thank you love <3

5 things you’ll find in my bag: hand lotion, powerbank, lip balm, wallet, tissues 5 things you’ll find in my room: my meds, books, my laptop, a guitar, a suitcase 5 things that make me happy: dogs, lotr, the blanket my grandma made for me, my mom, singing along when i’m driving 5 things i’m currently into: critical role, welcome to night vale, buzzfeed unsolved, buzzfeed’s ruining history, love nikki dress up queen 5 things on my to-do list: wash my car, get a job, make edits for various creation events, read siege & storm + ruin & rising, try to listen to all 123 episodes of wtnv within one (1) week

i was tagged by @explodingsnap, thank you! <3

how tall are you? 5′7″ or 171 cm

what colour are your eyes? brown

do you wear contacts and/or glasses? glasses

do you wear braces? no

what is your fashion style? non-existant. mostly black, i have two pairs of adidas sweatpants i alternate between, lots of t-shirts and cardigans and sweaters. 

when were you born? november 28th 1997

how old are you? 20

do you have any siblings? three older half-brothers, two foster-sisters, 2 step-siblings

what school/college do you go to? i don’t go to school rn

what kind of student are you? i’m taking a gap year rn but i was a classicist student

what are your favourite subjects? history

what are your favourite movies? pride and prejudice (2005), the fall, logan

what are your favourite pastimes? investing myself 100% in any new fandom i join rip

do you have any regrets? yes

what is your dream job? book translator

would you like to get married? maybe

do you want kids? how many? nah, i can barely take care of myself + i just don’t have the patience needed to raise a child

how many countries have you visited? 10, not including denmark where i live

what was your scariest dream? i never remember my dreams

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other? no

put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping list the first 15 songs:

i’ll be gone - linkin park

this was never yours - the last word

sins & edicts - avion roe

helpyourselfish - d-a-d

build god, then we’ll talk - panic! at the disco

sleepover - hayley kiyoko

save the world/don’t you worry child - pentatonix

the (after) life of the party - fall out boy

i’m here to take the sky - destroy rebuild until god shows

traynor - dinosaur pile-up

secret door - evanescence

toothless - the last sleepless city

d is for dangerous - arctic monkeys

trouble - sleeping with sirens

maybe it’s you - dinosaur pile-up

[kevin--of-desert-bluffs]

WTNV Quick Rundown - 25 - One Year Later

This episode marks a year since the debut of WTNV. So let's see if it's got any lore, facts or quotes of interest!

Today's opening mirrors the Pilot's, which is also touching.

The quote 'mostly void, partially stars' debuts (comes from?) here. It is related to Jeremy Godfrey sadly looking out of a window on his ruined 50th birthday at the DGBAandAFC (so...long...). It's ruined because it seems the people from under lane 5 are finally on the attack.

Carlos has decided to get to the bottom of things whilst everyone else over-reacts. Cecil really heaps on the descriptions of Carlos as perfect here, especially remarking that his hair has been 'fixed' by time. He is extremely worried about Carlos and attempts to ground himself by reminding himself that Carlos 'will' attend the ceremony he invited Carlos to in order to celebrate Carlos' first year in NV.

Carlos discovers and announces, quite triumphantly, that the city is not a huge city hundreds of miles below NV, but a tiny city about 10 feet below NV that has spent a year making spires towards the upper world which (when stood in the pit) only come up to Carlos' knees.

Carlos is then attacked by the residents of the little city, who are able to draw blood and cause him to fall. Cecil, extremely distraught, goes to a pre-recorded message (which mentions the house that doesn't exist and how scientists are offering $5 to anyone who will go up and ring the doorbell) after cursing everyone and everything for letting Carlos die. Carlos is however, fine, rescued by the Apache Tracker. He is mortally wounded doing so and dies in this episode. Cecil remarks that he is still a racist and a jerk but also a good man with NV's interests at heart. His dying words (in Russian) are "It's ok. It's ok. I knew this would happen. You can have my car."

Teddy Williams is a licenced doctor.

Carlos asks Cecil to meet him outside of Arby's. Cecil cuts to the weather to do this, which must have lasted a long time for him to go there and get back. Carlos is there in a flannel shirt and jeans, sitting on the hood of his car. He muses about how he's coming to understand NV more and how he just wanted to see Cecil. Carlos puts his hand on Cecil's knee (to communicate his affectionate feelings) and Cecil rests his head on Carlos' shoulder.

Weather: "Sunday Morning Stasis" by Joseph Fink

Cecil may have the ability to teleport, as he manages to get into the locked house of Becky Canterbury to interview her about an airliner which briefly appeared in her hallway whilst she was taking a shower and may or may not be the same one which appeared in the gym before, mere seconds after the event happened (this freaks her out considerably).

The local chapter of the NRA has begun market testing some possible new slogans. These include: “Guns don't kill people. Blood loss and organ damage does.” “Guns don't kill people. People kill guns.” “A list of things that kill people: 1. Conceivably anything. 2. Not guns.” “Guns don't kill people. We are all immortal souls living temporarily in shelters of earth and meat.” and “If you say guns kill people one more time I will shoot you with a gun and you will, coincidentally, die.” To vote on the new slogan, simply fire a gun at the object or person that best represents your choice. (fun fact, some of these are/were available as bumper stickers at the store!)

'All children in Night Vale are missing this week, so there’s no current safety issues. Hope we find them!' (lmfao)

'We understand the lights. We understand the lights above the Arby’s. We understand so much. But the sky behind those lights, mostly void, partially stars, that sky reminds us: we don’t understand even more.' (often quoted and very sweet) He then signs off as usual.

[pithyorangecurd]

Um.. there’s a section for recycling. This is where you can put things that aren’t currently useful to you, but might be turned into something more useful by someone else. Like your current relationship, or your indifferent opinions about The Godfather 1 and 2. You can bring any habitual destructive behavior. And also the sheer exhaustion of constantly working to contain it. You can bring the memory of the smell of the vanilla incense, if it reminds you of something that’s not necessarily negative, but is nostalgic to the point of discomfort. You cannot bring the smell itself, as smells are made up for matter, which is physical.

There is a.. sealed chamber for all messages, emails and missed calls that you dread returning. You may speak these messages into the chamber and simply walk away.

Like. My god. Guidelines for disposal is something I'm fucking obsessed with, bevause it gave us so many facts about cecil, that he had to dig up with his own two hands, break THROUGH concrete where he had disposed of this himself so he would never have to see it again.

[Cw:: sexual assault mention, eating disorder mention, unsanitary, abuse, neglect]

Cecil tells us about a possible sexual assault from a young age, where he talks about a time on the beach that was fun but very quickly turned bad, he says a black hole like a cameras aperture opened up*, and how he couldn't forget it. He tells us that he struggles with relationships, and has self destructive behavior that he struggles to keep in line. That he does that for other people, and not himself. That after the beach trip, he punched a hole in his bedroom wall, where mice bred, and he became sickly and thin notneating trying to shovel them out day after day, only for them to come back. And his mom had already left at that point, and he was alone. He failed out of school, he's got leftover trauma, he thinks someone has been following him, he has guilt because he thinks his grandmother dying was a little bit his fault. It gave us SO many bits of cecils life he can never give us because he just doesn't remember them. God, and it's so so so fascinating how he does it.

I still go over and over wtnv and I'm like oh. That's-

That's cecils trauma.

He'll mention something, and it'll be innocuous, and then four listens later you have to sit there and realize cecil is miserable. He's alone, and he's hurting, and he has an alcohol addiction, and is severaly self agonising. He has very little to him that he doesn't build himself because he needs to be loved. He is the towns narrator, and the town would cease to exist without its narration, but cecil himself is a very sad lonely man who struggles within himself so much to be what people expect him to be. I don't imagine he can keep it up forever.

I do want to talk about uhm. How Cecil uses his medium to express his trauma sometime.