#and then go read literally any of her books u cannot miss

[theresebelivett]

omg megan abbott commented on my story abt her new book, i'm so starstruckaskfjhsdfg

[lunchtimebedamned1997]

Harrow The Ninth current progress reading thoughts (pt.2)

Part one | Here

Please no spoilers for beyond chapter 11 of book two, and none for book three please.

Spoilers for HTN and GTN below:

Chapters 7-9 (+prev chapters rambling):

HAHAHA GOD'S NAME IS JOHN AND THE SPOILER I GOT SAID THAT WAS GIDEON'S DAD'S NAME I WAS RIGHT!!!

Also Harrow being disappointment by and internally 'making fun' (as much as Harrow can in the state she's in, the poor thing) of God's name being John is so fucking funny to me. Like, I had the same reaction to the name John and his ownership of it, Harrow. I feel vindicated ty, girly. XD

I fucking love how Moira Quirk voices Harrow btw. I keep doing 'Harrow Voice' around the house now and it is far too fun. Also I miss Gideon give me my bby girl back and don't make her suffer too much!!! (She's gonna suffer so much, isn't she?) She [Moira] slips back into 'Gideon voice' here and there despite it being Harrow's perspective and I don't know if that's intentionallll ohhh my god WAIT I'm so dumb. Is the main section of the book in second person and leading with "you" because it's not just Harrow??? Bc she's a Lyctor and technically not just one person anymore???? Fuck that would make so much sense. Bc when Harrow is having dream/delusion time, it's back in the third-person format of the first book, which would work so perfectly with this train of thought since, in those delusions, Harrow is just Harrow. In a world without Gideon. God, if that's why, that is such a clever use of formatting and makes me appreciate the use of second person. (Which I usually do not like at all. In fact, usually, actively hate XD)

I just got to the part where we find out The Saint of Duty is also named Ortus?! And Harrow promptly passes tf out??? I fucking love this series haha (Which means I've just finished chapter nine as I type this note woop woop!)

I really am just feral for Harrow to open more of her notes and - OH MY GOD RIGHT SHE KISSED IANTHE?! XD I know it was to check that she hadn't cut out her tongue or removed teeth to sever the pact and that she had to be 'discrete' about it (oml) but holy fuck I'm cackling at the memory. I cannot believe Harrow kissed fucking Ianthe triden-fucking-tarius before she kissed Gideon or that stupid creepy ice woman!!! I'm cackling at the absurdity.

Though - I mean, Gideon dying by killing herself to save Harrow (and Camilla), and like literally doing so, to send her soul to live inside of Harrow??? They skipped the U-haul and went to fantasy soul-fused martyrdom XD (I'm using Martyr here even though it's wrong bc I'm typing this at 3 a.m. and I can't think of a better word for this rn - and this series is dripping with religious stuff soooo idc rn (I so do. It is actively bothering me)) (it's now 8 p.m. the following day as I'm editing this and my internal thesaurus is still failing me woops XD)

Why is Ianthe fucking here bro - I don't hate her but I certainly don't like her, and I'm neutral in my experience of not liking her so... IDK Ugh. They're probably going to make me attached at some point and then kill her.

I do like that Ianthe seems to be genuinely worried about Coronabeth's whereabouts. It's nice to see her care for something (someone) other than herself. I know her Cavalier was insufferable, but she killed him with so much coldness! Honestly, I suppose the more I think of her, the more interested that I am. I don't think I fully grasped the reveal that Coronabeth wasn't a necromancer at the end of the last book? Why on earth - metaphorical earth i suppose - why on any planet would your family want you to pretend your twin is also magical? Was it for appearances? Was it to keep her sister safe from their family? She managed to delude everyone into believing it the entirety of book one??? Just how powerful was she before Lyctorhood. How powerful is she now.

She seems to at least have less cognitive resolve than Harrow - if not less power overall - considering Harrow could use theorems in The River... but perhaps that was more Gideon's influence on Harrow's power than her own? They don't seem to be very integrated at the moment - especially with Harrow's falsified memories? But she is a Lyctor so idk. Mercy seemed flabbergasted by it.

I also did want to mention that I liked the detail that Delusional!Harrow was glad her eyes 'hadn't changed much' bc Ortus and her had similar, black ninth-eyes. Why does The Body have Gideon's eyes. Why does the body give her advice. Is Harrow crazy (you know, clinically not just... Harrow XD) or is she truly being haunted?

I'm actually really enjoying having somewhere to sort through some of my jumbled thoughts as I read! Especially with a book series like this that has so many moving parts - many of which I'm sure I've only gotten the barest scrap about - I've probably missed quite a few tbh.

It's fun getting to meet some more of the surviving Lyctors, and it was really interesting to hear about Cytherea a bit from their perspective, and get a bit more of the very ancient timeline sorted.

Bro I've been listening to the audiobooks and I feel like I'm in an Olympic obstacle course looking up all these names while trying to avoid spoilers. I fully expected Cytherea to be spelled Kithrea and Gideon's last name to be Navv and not Nav. etc. etc. Also though Ortus' name was Aughtus - I did not hear that 'r' XD My brain also keeps deciding that Magnus and Abigail are Maximus and Annabeth???? I don't have any clue why. This is what happens when you give a visual learner an audiobook I suppose.

Also did Ianthe kill Silas at the end of the last book when she became a Lyctor? And his Cavalier? I fully lost track of whatever happened to those two. I'm going to have to go back at some point and re-listen to that whole Ianthe section.

Chapter 10:

It was really nice getting to see Magnus and Abigail, even slightly-odd Harrow-skewed dream versions of them.

Magnus's eye's being 'a color that was suddenly hard to define' and asking Harrow "is this really how it happened?" is fucking haunting bro.

Also poor Ortucs, let that poor make-believe baby be a scribe XD It was also interesting how much his agreeableness aggravates Harrow. It's such a nice, jolting ache for her and for us. How hollow and absent her life is without Gideon. How much it lacks color both literal and metaphorical.

Oh. Ohhhh my god, I need to be paying more attention to the 'crazy' notes in the dreams, don't I? Implantation?! Of Gideon mayhaps?

She has a very physical reaction to seeing these notes as well, her eyes 'almost strobing' at the sight of it. Like it's something that does not fit into her carefully-crafted false reality. Something like Gideon. How Gideon or Gideon's soul or essence or whatever would have any idea of things pre-conception, I don't know. But this is all made up, so who's to say, right? I suppose it could have to do with Harrow as well, given dream!Abigail's comments about the soul-price hovering around Harrow. Even if the notes are not quite so literal, I'm sure that they don't mean nothing. Especially because Ortus, the literal manifestation of Harrow's rewriting of events - can't read it, refutes it. Surely they must mean something. Who knows, maybe it's about the girl in the ice.

The fact that Harrow, or at least, falsified-reality-dream-Harrow, has never eaten a potato is absolutely tragic (I type, while eating Gnocchi, feeling quite mocking towards our potato-less girl, despite no intention to.) Though, I wouldn't put it past our Queen of Misery to decide in this falsified reality, to deny herself the existence of potatoes in the Ninth. Just to make herself that much more miserable XD

Also LOL to even dream Ortucs being like "Bro I'm so glad this wasn't what I ended up to be" like, poor dead mama's boy. I actually feel kind of bad for him. Born in the wrong house to the wrong family at the wrong point in time, huh? Sorry your ship blew up, pookie. But like, also maybe try zoloft or vitamin D, babes, you're really bringing down the vibe - and like, the vibe is quite literally dead with all this necromancy so... that is really saying something sweetie. XD

I've wondered a couple times if the woman in the ice has anything to do with Gideon specifically, like being her mother - bc there's technically no proof thus far (to my memory) that the dead woman who carried Gideon in the life-support container was actually her mom. Wasn't Gideon only an hour old when found? All of this is so funky. I'm thinking so many things you guys sshashohaowihaoij Could the woman who brought Gideon to the Ninth have been taking her 'back to her mother' if there were time-shinnanigan things? Like if she was born or stillborn ages ago - or removed from the woman in the ice w/o really being born and god put her into the resurrection sleep or or or. I really just don't know. Fuck, I'm so curious. Idk I feel like I'm grapsing at straws here, but I was right about God being her dad and that felt just as insane at the time XD Also, fr though, WTF is god? Like, tell me.

Chapter 11:

HA - hahaha XD Ohh my god. Gideon saw Cythrea's dead body from Harrow's eyes and went "fuck you, bitch, die again.", huh? XD Not Harrow using the sword in her blackout even though they're not fully integrated. You cannot convince me that wasn't our precious Gideon being so very herself lmao

I wonder if it's Gideon like... directly, or if it's more of an echo of her final purpose in regards to her sacrifice? I imagine Harrow blacking out around that whole section is bc she's not integrated with Gideon (and can't even let herself remember the reality of her LMAO)

ONTO ACT TWO!!! WOOP WOOP!

[rainingmbappe]

i just listened to star by mitski and i won't lie to you that song was in my recommended for a few days before you had told me about it. i didn't check it out at first cause i don't listen to mitski that much (she makes me cry lol) but when you recommended it to me i thought "why not then".

i cannot really explain what i felt the first time i listened to it, yet i'm insanely grateful i was able to have my first listen because of you. even though the music video looks so "effortless" it feels so intimate and looks genuinely really beautiful. her expressions create a whole world, and i feel like a swiftie just describing everythingndfbsfbh but at least i can say that mitski is a real lyricist genius. (side eyeing the 14 y'os saying TTPD is the best album in the universe).

"keep a leftover light burning" this is so powerful idec, i always keep these memories with me, these times that made me so happy. and even though they don't feel so vivid anymore, they taste like leftovers yes, they warm my heart still. i can't even, i wish i had the ability to describe how i felt listening to that song (i'm listening to it again rn). i never had any relationship but i hold platonic love so deeply, much more than any romantic relationship i could ever have. i know this sounds contradictory and pathetic but i feel like i can be much more intimate with a friend through the things i feel and the things i say. i know i will never be judged by a true friend, i know i don't have to meet these certain expectations with them that would be needed in a romantic relationship (of course they're not the same but bfdbsjbfs idk if u get me).

i love to talk about anything with you, you feel so close and it soothes my soul to know that i'm not alone feeling so incredibly deep for some things people don't bat an eye for.

i was outside today with a friend and when i walked home i was drinking the last few drops of my redbull (this sounds so ridiculous) and had to look up and my eyes met the sky, i froze for a moment seeing the clouds move so fast because of the wind and i thought of you. i don't know, it feels comforting to know that we are both looking at the same moon, at the same sky, at the same sun. that even though you're a whole continent away, you're not that very far from me in reality. it's all about perspective. compared to the size of the universe that is always expanding, you're like a feet away from me.

sorry i'm talking too much, i'm just in my feels it's late and i miss you i wish i could have ig so we could talk about anything forever. i know that if i knew you irl i would bother you all the time with questions and tell you all the things that go through my mind, i never shut up.

i still have the dorian gray book and every time i read it i think of you. I had highlighted something that made me think of you, you had told me something personal and it reminded me of that thing but i had completely forgotten about it : "my dear fellow, i am not quite serious but i can't help detesting my relations. i suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves." i didn't highlight anything else in that book, just that one sentence. i'm so sorry this is getting so long dnjskjbfh you're probably tired of me rambling this much, just one thing, i loved your sky pics and i'm so glad you posted them. you and nikola have a real talent when it comes to capture the best sky pictures, it's like you own it.

i don't know what time it is for you it must be very late, have a good night and i hope you're doing well <3

Stop with the apologizing, you and I both know that I giggle and feel this kind of eternal bliss whenever I see your asks in my inbox. So yeah ssssshhhhhhh

Just wanna say how real that miski thing is. I literally avoid her music cause it's frankly too heavy for the everyday, plus I'm not the bigggeeessstt fan of her sound (still an amazing amazing artist nonetheless). Yk, I've said this a lot in my life, but the pursuit of romantic love seems a bit pointless to me as compared to any other strong bond. People might say that it's my inexperience that makes me say this, and I'm open to change, but I genuinely believe that platonic relationships are the fundamentals of being human. Experiencing such bonds in deep and profound ways stays and impacts people in such great ways. I think about familial relationships a lot too when I listen to star. I haven't lost anyone close in my life, but it's one of my irrational fears. And this song just struck that cord that, frankly, doesn't exist?? So that's so weird, isn't it. Then I started thinking about the platonic side of the song, which made it 939292 times worse loll

(BTW taylor shade SO REAAALLL)

And yes I get you completely. Friends don't jusdge you in that way yk??? Atleast some don't. And that feeling, ugh it's so so hard to describe but you know it if you've felt it.

AND oh my god I teared up when I read the cloud thing. I think constantly about how starting from dinosaurs, to Shakespeare, to messi and you, we all share the same sky. Claimed by none, tainted by none. I love that. We look at the same moon. Our eyes look at the same thing in the flesh. Isn't that bizarre? Its like this invisible string that connects us. And I'm so sorry if I sound weird but. I think of you a lot. This was in March, when I was just thinking about how I'll probably never meet anyone like you again. And I thought you had left for good and forever and that you were lost in the world. Even if I wanted, I'd never be able to reach you. And that thought precisely freaked me tf out. Cause. You would just be lost forever, wouldn't you? And I couldn't stand that thought and I cried just a tinnnyyyy bit (istg don't juddgeeeee). But these asks are literally my whole world. You don't even I don't expect you to but just know that when you sent in that first one, I wasn't sure it was you but had this distinct feeling in my heart. And I couldn't be gladder that it IS you.

AWWWW I say this without exaggeration, if we knew eachother, we wouldn't get work done. Like ever. I already try to make these asks as long as I possibly can to never end talking to you, if we had any way of texting, I swear we'd talk alllllllll the time. And I think that would heal me tbh aodnlsnxlsjdke

Yk I want to shake you and tell you to never ever everrrr be sorry for talking too much atleast to me. If I havnt made it absolutely clear already, I love talking to you and the more the merrier hahaha. No but seriously, i love talking to you. The best yhing about us was we didn't have to pretend like we didn't have negative thoughts. Like all our thoughts we're roses and daisies. We talked about the hard and the bad stuff and then shared our mutual love for the cosmos, it was amazing. It IS amazing

It's almost 1 and I have online school tomorrow. I'm trying soooo hard not to throw a 5 yo-esque tantrum rn (ik online school is not that bad but even then I hate it)

I feel like I didn't respond to everything I wanted to. But tbh I could go on for foreverrrrrr. Maybe I'll edit it in the morning and add more hhehehhehe.

Also. I can't belive you still remember the Dorian Gray thing. I'll go cry now thanks a lot ksksksnzsmsmzwlz

Miss you terribly. I love you and hope you have a great night ahead <3

[remcycl333]

you don’t need to be happy to be manifest!! but...

who doesn’t want to be happy?

(long post alert, sorry in advance lol. but please read it all the way through, i really think it’ll be worth it<3)

ok, to preface this, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. i’ve manifested great, positive things while i was in depressive episodes. i manifested wonderful things with tears streaming down my face. BUT, i think something a lot of people overlook is that it’s really beneficial to feel positively about your desires.

this is something i realized a few months ago, saw great results from, and then forgot all about and, well, stopped seeing the progress i wanted. but i’m back on track now, don’t you worry.

(i’m going to be using the example of my sp, bc that’s what i have the most experience with, but this applies to literally anything u r manifesting) 

i’ve made a few other posts saying pretty much what i’m about to say in this next paragraph, so if you’ve already read those, i’m sorry for repeating myself. just bear with me lol. 

so i came to a realization a few months ago--and i don’t exactly remember how i came to this realization--that i kind of...hated my sp? like i fucking resented him. and i was like, wait a minute, that’s not right. i love my sp. that’s why i’m trying to manifest him! so why do i feel like this?

i used to focus on manifesting in steps, so naturally the first step was contact. so i’d be affirming all day every day “my sp is texting me right fucking now😡“ (and other variations) and then when he didn’t text me, it’d just make me angry at him. but technically, he didn’t even do anything wrong?? sure he didn’t text me, but he had no clue he was supposed to? idk it was all complicated and weird. and then when i wasn’t mad that he didn’t text me, i was having arguments with him in my head, preparing for some weird fight that my brain just assumed was going to happen whenever we did get into contact. which is weird, bc my sp and i never fight. like, this is my ex. yet i literally cannot tell you a single fight that we have ever had. we literally get along perfectly. we have never fought (or even argued) once in all the time that we’ve known each other. yet my brain was always fighting him. and it was just, exhausting?

and so one day, when i was troubleshooting, i realized: rem, if you were in a relationship right now with your sp, would u hate him? would u be constantly fighting with him? god i fucking hope not! 

now, what would i be thinking? i’d be laying in bed at night, hugging my pillow, thinking about how much i love him. reflecting on how happy he makes me, how perfect he is, how good he makes me feel. i’d be thinking about how he is the most perfect boyfriend i could ever have asked for. i’d be content after spending a long day with him, excited to spend the next day with him as well. 

and during the day i wouldn’t be wondering why he wasn’t texting me. if anything, i’d be wondering why he was texting me considering we were literally hanging out, together, at that very moment! 

i would trust him. i’d be walking on cloud nine. i’d be content. i’d be...happy. 

now, in no way am i saying that you need to be happy 24/7, or dancing on air, or feeling intense butterflies in your stomach. you’re allowed to have other emotions. you’re allowed to feel anger, you’re allowed to break down and cry! you’re allowed to have bad days. but if you’re feeling these negative emotions about your desire, i want you to try your hardest to release them. i don’t think any of us want to have breakdowns over our manifestations and cry about them, but if it happens, it happens. just pick yourself up afterwards--or stop it before it even really begins, trust me, it gets easier to do this--and maybe do a few deep breaths to calm yourself down, and remind yourself why you’re on this journey in the first place. once again using the sp example, it’s because you love your sp. because they are perfect for you! they make you happy. you love their smile, their laugh, the witty conversations you have with each other. you love being in their arms.  you love when they’re in your arms! they did something that made you fall in love with them, or want to be in a relationship with them. what was it? focus on that. 

enough with the sammy ingram (i could go on a whole rant about her) style affirmations. with the “he’s going to fucking text me, he has no choice, he’s my fucking boyfriend and he does what i say.” like....ew?? i used to say shit like this, and it was really what started making me resent my sp. i was ordering him around in my head, creating this weird dynamic between us (which, he wasn’t even aware was there), and getting mad when he wasn’t doing what i was ordering him to do. looking back, it was borderline psychotic. it was just turning it into me against him, and that’s not what i wanted at all. i want to be in a relationship with him, with mutual love. i don’t want to be his boss, or his mom, or his fucking military sergeant!! (i don’t even know if that was the proper term bc fuck the military, but u guys know what i mean lmfaooo)

(disclaimer if u use these types of affirmations and they work for you, go for it. but i used them for a while and they just weren’t it for me. carry on)

i guess what i’m trying to say is, those affirmations weren’t making me feel good. they weren’t making me feel like a “boss ass bitch”. they were making me feel...like a bitch. and strangely, powerless. i’d say these affirmations, or just bland ones where i wasn’t necessarily demanding my sp to throw himself at my feet and kiss my shoes and tell me he is nothing without me, and ultimately, if i wasn’t feeling resentment, i was feeling...nothing. 

once again, i want to make this so so so clear, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. but my belief? if your affirmations aren’t making you feel joy, or excitement, or contentment, then what’s the fucking point? if you think of your desire, and don’t feel positive feelings about it, then you might have lost your way a little. 

don’t worry!! it’s an easy fix. easy, and even...fun? rewarding? comforting? i just want you to take some time--laying in bed at night is the perfect time to do this in my experience--to think about why you want your desire so badly. do you want money? think of how great life is going to be once you have it. of all the stuff you’re going to buy, for yourself, and maybe even for others. don’t focus on the problems you want to fix with it right now. think of that clothing item you’ve had your eye on, or that book you’ve been wanting to read but haven’t felt like “wasting” money on. think of how excited you are to buy those things, because you’re going to! think of the good. not the bad.

remember: you create more of what you focus on. focus on the good, get the good. focus more on the bad...get more of the bad. 

your manifestation is done. it is created. it is on it’s way to you. it is here! all there’s left to do is feel excited. it’ll be here any moment now, how fucking exciting is that! it’s safe for you to be happy. it’s safe for you to focus on the feelings you would have if you had it, rather than focus on affirming specifically to bring it to you. it is safe to be happy. 

i used to affirm solely for contact, all day every day, and sometimes i’d get it. but it’d be short lived, my sp would be distant, etc. but then once i started focusing on truly living in the end and basking in my love for my sp, thinking about how perfect and amazing he is, i not only got contact (without having to specifically affirm for it), but he was actively engaged in our conversations, making up new topics to keep the conversation going, asking me about and expressing interest in my hobbies and interests, bringing up and reminiscing on old memories of our previous relationship, complimenting me, flirting with me, asking me to hang out, etc. shit i was not getting when i was “he is so fucking in love with me and he’s texting me right fucking now”-ing all day long. i started focusing on how amazing and perfect and good to me he was, and that’s exactly what i got in my reality. who would’ve thunk? 

and you know what? yeah, he fucking loves me. he misses me and he wants to be with me. but that’s a given. but that doesn’t fucking matter. i am the only person who matters in my reality!! sure he loves me, but do i love him??? that’s what the universe wants to know. that’s what truly fucking matters. the universe brings me my desires. so i’m gonna fucking desire it! 

guys, please trust me on this. just try it out, with whatever you’re manifesting. this could be what you’re missing. this could bring your manifestation to you. i promise, if you’re like i was and feel resententment or anger or hatred towards your desire, this is going to make you feel so fucking good. just stick with this for a week or two. i promise, you’ll see movement.

and remember, there is no one to change but self. don’t change them (or it), change your perception of them (or it). 

let’s make manifesting fun again!!! it’s the perfect tool to bring happiness into your life. so fucking let it!!!! 

so no, you don’t need to be happy in order to manifest. but....maybe, just maybe, prioritizing your happiness isn’t such a bad thing. i mean, who doesn’t want to be happy?

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

chloe in my adrininogami roommates au

under the cut bc its a little long (1500 words of notes about chloe in this au)

ADRININOGAMI ROOMATES AU RECAP: its not really an au its just a timejump, Adrien Nino and Kagami are all like 18-19 and roommates, hawkmoth is still out there and lb and cn still dont know each others’ identities, Nino and Kagami know each others’ secret identities but don’t know Adrien’s and he doesn’t know theirs, Nino is at university while Adrien and Kagami are just taking a gap year and working minimum wage jobs and honestly they are all thriving and bffs

Chloe is a music major

At the same university as Nino

i have very little knowledge of the universities of Paris so this is going to be partially based on the American system, im sorry but youre going to have to suspend your disbelief real quick

so the university has a rule where first year students have to live on campus in the dorms

Nino escaped this rule because he is a goshdarn music nerd and quest for knowlege cannot be stopped

There wasn’t even an AP Music Theory class at his high school when he started there but he was like “whats up guys i have self-confidence now and i think it would be pretty nifty if we had this class” and then talked to teachers and convinced a bunch of his friends to sign up for it so now its a class

And thats the only AP Music class and he still wanted to learn,,, so he just,,, started taking online college courses,,, in music theory,,, for fun,,,, the absolute nerd <3

he will ramble excitedly about music history to anyone who will listen and you cant even be upset bc he is so energetic about this

All of this is to say that, by the time he graduated high school, he had already completed a bunch of college classes, so he got to enter university as a sophomore, which is how he is living off campus with adrien and kagami

Chloe, however, is a freshman, so shes gotta live on campus in the freshman dorms and have a roommate

her roommate, by the way, is Juleka

Chloe has calmed down significantly by this time and sucks a lot less. She and Juleka are not friends by any account, but basically, when they were signing up for roommates, they were both like “whelp this is better than rooming with a total stranger, i wont talk to you or bother you if you dont talk to me”

chloe and juleka have not actually spoken to each other since school started,, they pretty much stay out of the dorm room unless they are sleeping and then they stay on their side of the room and do not make eye contact and dont touch each others stuff

and chloe is totally fine with this

just kidding, hahaha, she is sad and lonely and wants to make friends but is terrible at it,,, her models for friendship include Adrien who she knows she messed up with completely and the best thing she can do now for their relationship is avoid him so she doesnt mess it up more,, and Sabrina, who is also refusing to speak to her now and basically taught chloe that the way to do friendship is to like? do their homework or something??

(juleka is vibing and living her best life btw, shes just also an introvert and only goes to the dorm when she is tired and needs to refresh and also chloe is the one acting like they shouldnt talk)

SO,,, chloe is a music major bc she thinks its pretty nifty and fun and also because she is trying to avoid anything to do with her parents,,, she has reached the point where like “be a dissapointment to my parents” is like,, her life goal,,, which is kinda a “good for her” situation and kinda a “holy heck plz get her some therapy situation”

wow we’ve got a bunch of backstory but we are finally to the point of this post

Chloe has several classes with Nino and she keeps accidentally flocking to him because she already knows him from high school and he has such good vibes

Nino is kind of just trying to avoid her,, he doesnt HATE her,, but,, it is chloe,, yknow

but then they get paired up for a group project and the group meets at nino’s apartment, and adrien is not in the building whenever chloe is there, on purpose,, they will be friends again eventually but their friendship is taking a little bit of a break and adrien is still learning how to have boundaries so he’s just doing what’s best for his mental health

chloe is totally fine with this and doesnt miss him at all

just kidding she is lying

BUT

you know who IS just chilling in the apartment while chloe is there

kagami

who is now like 19 and having some actual self confidence and happiness and who is chilling in her apartment with nino, one of her best friends

and chloe gets through the first group meetup at nino’s house and doesn’t spent any time just staring at kagami who’s chilling reading books in the corner (yes she does)

chloe is actually trying her hardest to be nice to the group members and make friends and prove that she can be a good person and a hard worker but she has very little social skills or work ethics skills and is having complicated emotions about adrien and hasnt even realized it yet but she is falling HARD for kagami,

all that is to say that chloe is a little bit distracted from the group project

but anyway they meet up again and this time chloe has done a ton of research and prep beforehand bc she doesnt want 2 be caught offguard made to look like a fool again and everyone is like what the heck, since when does she study things?

and anyway the project goes pretty great

but then

chloe has a goshdarn crying breakdown

because she is experiencing too many emotions all at once

the combination of just,,, university coursework is stressful and living without servants for the very first time in her life and parental issues and not having friends and also literally everything is just aaaa

so she starts crying in her dorm while doing homework while juleka is there but she literally forgets that juleka is there bc juleka is kind of a cryptid

and juleka just kinda stares at her for a minute and then is like “u good”

and chloe tries to pretend shes not startled and is like “haha yeah its fine”

and juleka is like “have u considered getting a tutor”

and chloe, who is stupid, is like “hmm i should ask nino to tutor me but only at his place and only when kagami is home and i should make sure that i look super cute and i need to study beforehand so that i look cool and smart in front of kagami,, i mean,, for no reason at all i just think this is a good idea”

she talks to nino and nino is like “ok i guess i can help tutor you but u have to actually make an effort and also stick to a schedule so youre not there when adriens there bc we are respecting his boundaries and also you need to-”

and chloe is like “great perfect done”

and then she actually does everything nino says

so basically

she ends up passing all of her classes and making friends

literally just because she is too stupid to actually try to talk to kagami

they literally do not have any conversations other than like “hey, whats up?” “nothing much lol” for like,,, an entire year

also chloe does not admit to herself that she has a crush on kagami for that entire time either

meanwhile adrien and nino and kagami are all a little confused bc chloe keeps flirting at nino??? and adrien is like “im pretty sure she likes girls but idk???” and nino keeps being like “hey chloe what’s up, i just got back from hanging out with my amazing girlfriend alya who i am very in love with,, and who is my girlfriend,, who i am dating”

and chloe has literally no idea why he is doing this but continues to flirt at him and subconciously hope that kagami will catch some of her flirting vibes and falls in love with her

so basically

they are all stupid

BUT Chloe and Nino do become actual friends and chloe actually respects him for the amazing wonderful smart talented kind person that he is and he helps her make some new friends and they get to the point where they are a super great study group and she’ll listen to all his homework assignments and proofread some of them when its like finals cramming time and they are supporting each other and their friendship is good

[mariuscomehome]

hi hey hello so //slides u a note of whatever currency you prefer. lau what are your thoughts on lesbian artem? i am immensely curious and intrigued

hooo okay this is INCREDIBLY self indulgent, and probably not THAT coherent but ill try my best here.

warning: this isnt a very nuanced take i literally only thought about it because i saw the words "artem" and "tits" in the same sentence and also happen to be a lesbian.

ESSENTIALLY what makes the idea of lesbian artem more compelling to me than, say, marius or vyn (although now that i'm thinking about luke there is some Potential there) is kind of everything about how he goes about romance, how he tries to connect with mc, and his relationships with others in general.

we've seen MULTIPLE times that when he tries to get close to her - and he often only builds up the courage to do this after a LOT of bullying from celestine who, and i CANNOT stress this enough, is definitely fucking his mom.

right so when he tries to get close to mc there's always this terribly awkward fumbling leadup to the most tame not-date you've ever heard of. one of his cards is them hanging out on a work trip. they studied together. they went to see a movie and ended up at a drive in (the most romantic of theatres) OUT OF NECESSITY. mc is generally pretty oblivious, but that is NEXT LEVEL with artem bc he (deliberately!! on at least some levels!!) tries to make it look like his every action is Friendly and Platonic, which i think also stems from how he thinks others see him - (borrowing from sr sparks here) especially in the workplace, as overly stern and unsociable and generally intimidating and uh. threatening, so he's constantly trying to counterbalance that and tipping the scale too far in the other direction.

but then on the other end, he IS incredibly repressed and shy about showing affection, like even as he's trying to open up and show her that he DOES care about her, he doesn't quite know how, he gets embarrassed and he thinks that even the smallest gesture is Too Much. he definitely feels that he kind of missed the boat on coming into relationships organically and is playing catch up compared to everyone else. that book! he has a relationships for dummies book that celestine got him at least PARTIALLY to make fun of him, and he was upset about it but he kept it and he READS it and even when he thinks the whole thing is ridiculous he keeps trying because he KNOWS just how over his head he is.

i was gonna talk about his general lack of close friendships and what ive kind of inferred about his mentorship with neil, and the close bond they formed etc etc but me projecting on all my english teachers isnt exactly Conclusive Lesbian Artem Evidence lol. the vibes are there and this is getting pretty long anyway,,

gonna cap it off with basically viewing artem through a lesbian lense is very interesting to me! it kind of brings a different perspective to his actions and mindset and i think tears of themis could use some more sexy lady lawyers! i am personally advocating for this.

OH WAIT i was gonna say also your post about artem being flustered by sideboob. VERY informative here, and then all those discussions youve been having about guilt irt luke in particular, but artem has his own little complex going on and. RIGHT particularly about him setting up benchmarks for himself in order to "earn" things, particularly things that shouldnt have to be earned, like setting himself to a ridiculously high standard to prove his worth so that he may partake in like. Joy. as a concept, and then of course the flipside of that where any misstep is pretty heavily penalized if not actively then just in his mindset and the kind of self-worth and self-image issues he has going on there. all VERY compelling. like (sr sparks again i just love everything it had to say about his character) deciding that he was going to learn to cook and then going out and buying all this specific equipment for it so that he could Do It Right and this level of meticulous self criticism that he brings to everything he does, even his hobbies! this man is insane. oh and hes a feminist so like jot that down.

pretty clear that weve kind of lost the original point here so i'm gonna stop. i hope this makes sense!!! if it doesnt i will edit it in the morning. for now ill leave you with this:

[zpetlovesglitter]

The Wicked Powers Theories

The Wicked Powers has recently been getting me excited WAY too much - which says a lot about how weird I am since Cassie hasn’t even started on it yet (LOL).

aND, so, I kind of thought it’d be nice to jot down some predictions and theories on how the series might go and maybe some thoughts on THE SHIPS (that really do be the real TEA).

So.Here we go.And do let me know about any thoughts you have on this topic as well - I read anything about TWP like a crazed creature these days istg.

1)The POV has already been envisioned to be from Ty, Dru and Kit. I absolutely love this settlement since they are all very intriguing characters. Ty is an interesting person and his actions are always unpredictable, so we might enjoy this one. And,I believe he is at The Scholomance while the story progresses, followed by Livvy (Ghost Livvy, I mean).It’s still unclear what Livvy’s situation is, so I can’t wait to know more about that - it’s bound to be something unexpected. And, as for Dru, it’s kinda obvious. We all know that WE HAVE A LOVE TRIANGLE COMING UP. But, other than that, we also know she attends The Academy and finally starts to makes some friends and even has that really close Italian (..or was it Spanish???) Shadowhunter friend who’s her age and Cassie also revealed that the two are really tight indeed. And I will be honing in on the Love Triangle soon - I told you I’ll be trying to spill whatever tea I’m guessing at.  And, as for the last character WE HAVE KIT! OMFG YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE OLDER BROTHER KIT.LIKE GOSH DARN IT HE IS SO ADORABLE AND MINA IS SO EFFING CUTE I CAN’T EVEN-                          AND KIT’S TRAINING WITH JEM AND HE IS GOING TO BE A WELL-TRAINED SHADOWHUNTER IN TWP, SO YAYYYY!! And, I absolutely CANNOT wait for MinaXKit interactions, they are the cutest siblings ever and I absolutely know that Mina grows up to be sarcastic. I can’t wait for the possible sarcastic arguments between Kit and 4-year old Mina. YOU THINK I FORGOT ABOUT KITxTY? NOPE.THE REAL SHET’S COMING UP.

2)Now,we know that the storyline is going to have something to do with that Faerie Heirloom that was from the Rosales Family. And, Cassie also said it was going to be kind of an Arthurian Legend-ish story. If you don’t know the Arthurian Legend, I suggest you read on it. I’m not sure if Cassie meant the characters and LOVE Aspect of it or the LEGEND aspect of it as in the stuff about Excalibur and all. But, for now we’ll view it in both and examine it, shall we?

King Arthur's reign ends after his wife and best knight have an affair.

This is the drama in the legend.But, there are no relationships with the MCs yet. So idk. I’m clueless. Like, maybe Dru has a relationship?? Okay I’m clutching at practically nothingness so don’t judge me. :/

So,it’s obviously something to do with the LEGEND.

I am afraid I cannot say too much about it, since I have never read too deeply about it. But, here’s some of the basics:

-He managed to pull out Excalibur from the rock it was stuck in.

-He wielded Excalibur for the people and not for his own self-interest.

-He gets help from a wizard named Merlin.

-The peeps go on a quest.

And I have this reference from a website..I’ll hit u with the link as well, if you’d like to read more on it like I did

Arthurian legend, the body of stories and medieval romances, known as the matter of Britain, centring on the legendary king Arthur. Medieval writers, especially the French, variously treated stories of Arthur’s birth, the adventures of his knights, and the adulterous love between his knight Sir Lancelot and his queen, Guinevere. This last situation and the quest for the Holy Grail (the vessel used by Christ at the Last Supper and given to Joseph of Arimathea) brought about the dissolution of the knightly fellowship, the death of Arthur, and the destruction of his kingdom.

(I’ve linked it with the text above.)

So,now I thought this was interesting- the destruction part. After all, it’s something I’m expecting about the Shadowhunters. Will the Clave maybe be destroyed? Or maybe Faerie will be destroyed? So,there were three things that brought on this uh Destruction.FIRST, his wife and his best buddy were going behind his back and doing them lovey-dovey stuff. And they all go on some quest to retrieve something important to them. So, this sounds like something plausible to be the plot of TWP. Maybe the Heirloom’s missing? And who goes on the quest though? Maybe they venture through Faerie? BLAH MY HEAD HURTS SOME THINGS ARE BETTER TO BE SURPRISED WITH ;)

-----I kinda scrolled back up while writing about Janus down there and remembered CLARY MIGHT BE TAKEN HOSTAGE LIKE YESS AND THEY GO FIND HER MAYBE?

3)We will defo see Christina, Mark and Kieran at some point- no worries, Emma and Julian too. Happy Couples! XD

4)So,then we can look forward to Dru and Jaime’s interactions. I am absolutely excited for this the most, as a shipper of the two. If you remember, we saw Jaime ignoring her for a while back there at the end of QOAAD and then he says “See ya at the Academy soon ig”. I really do hope they meet and hang out as friends, at least. I am excited to see what kind of trope it’s gonna be tho. Like, do they ignore each other and remain awkward until they start the adventure stuff in the book where they eventually have to talk to each other after years or smth. Or, maybe they’re really good friends rn. But, what I’ll warn y’all shippers is that they might not end up together, and could wind up as brother-sister-ish kind of best buddies. Which is equally cute a relationship imo. It’s a really sweet thing to be, really. I lowkey hope Cassie spins something beautiful for their relationship like a sibling-like best friends kind of thing. But, I feel like they might have feelings for each other in secret. Or maybe they date. Or maybe they suppress their secret-feelings for the sake of friendship later on in the book and end up having that really sweet friendship I was talking about.There are SO many options and that is precisely why I am so freaking excited.

5)JAIME ROCIO ROSALES.       Like, I have this gut feeling that he might end up being my fave male protagonist character in TSC. He’s got it ALL. Like, the sense of humour, the looks, the bubbly yet brooding personality, the quirks and OFC THE FRICKING NAME ITSELF IS CUTE AF LIKE BRUH I CANNOT WAIT TO READ ABOUT HIM.I have so much to say about Jaime but I’d rather we let ourselves simply wait for the crumbs Cassie might give us or maybe reread all his parts in TDA like I do everyday or just wait for the book to come out rather than simp for someone we know nothing about yet....

6)Ash Morgenstern.         He’s a cute lil bean.        That was random and untrue lmao. He’s not a ‘lil bean’. He’s totally badass with dem wings and all, but we know he’s soft inside for Janus and ofc Dru, I believe. I find him the most intriguing character, honestly. I would love to know what goes through his head. He’s actually, like, the one character in TSC that I don’t have all figured out. He gon surprise us all for sure tho. He is awesome. That’s all I have to say for now. And he looks up to Janus which is SO GODDAMN SWEET AHHHH. And THE WINGS I CANNOT WAIT TO READ MORE ABOUT THE WINGS IT SOUNDED SO BADASS ISTG I LITERALLY CANNOT WAIT GOSH DARN IT. But he really do be a cute lil bean lowkey tho.

7)Kit and Ty LOL. I have no words really. But lemme tell you how it might go. There is definitely going to be some kind of reunion. AND THEN THAT’S WHERE IT GETS CUTE. They could either be awkward and we know what tension that gets us-perhaps some whisperings of My Watson...(?  ;) and maybe they go all sad and brooding with dem looks later OR, they could be the sweetie-pies they were before and be happy and all HIII BUDDDYYYY MISSED YAAA LESS GO BE DETECTIVES YAY BURN IT UP MAH BUDDY!! Either way it’s going to be cute af and we know it . TRUST IN CASSIE Y’ALL.I trust Cassie to let this ship sail the seven seas and seven more like it deserves.

8)Ash and Dru So, Ash has a strange lil fixation on Dru and I believe he even thought she was ‘pretty’ or something. It was definitely a good adjective, but I think he said ‘pretty’. idk but we know he likes her. and I can imagine a nice relationship. I can picture them with her hair flying in the wind and they meet for the first time or smth. IHNI WHAT IM SAYING. But, there will be DRAMA. They are going to be real cute with each other YOU CAN BET ON THAT.And, by cute I do not necessarily mean ‘Oh, you have the loveliest eyes’ or some shet like that. I have a feeling it’s going to be a case of ‘Well,that’s not weird or anything YOU WEIRDO - NO U - NO U - NO U’ However this relationship is going to go, I know that it’ll be a sweet one.And, for all you shippers of these two, I have no assurances that HE IS THE ONE or anything but he is definitely a candidate. Jaime is going to be some competition I can tell. So, idk. It depends on the Jaime x Dru ship to decide things for Ash x Dru ship imo, since it might be a no-brainer if the two have feelings for each other- I mean,Jaime is an actually perfect love interest in TSC, while Ash is strong potential Best-Friend material, so it’s ONLY if Jaime and Dru don’t like each other that way that Ash could make it as a love interest. So, if y’all wanna find out what’s in it for you guys, ask Cassie maybe about how the Jaime x Dru ship might go, the next time u wanna ask her ;)

9)Tavvy and maybe the kid Helen and Aline might have had We were getting hints of another baby, so HERE WE GO.Tavvy might have a playmate. :D. YAYYYYYYYYYY

10)Janus  I’m honestly worried about him. He is a worrisome character. I hate empathising with the antagonist, personally. AAAAHHHH . I hope we see some character development in him. I really don’t want to see him as an antagonist in the story. He’s sweet and feels cheated, but he should realise that it ain’t Jace’s fault but SEBASTIAN’S fault. I would like for him to make amends with Jace :( And, also, he might get the story started in TWP tho idk. But, seriously tho, when he went home in that short story and Ash asked, “I thought you were gone forever?” or something of that sort and he shook his head sadly and Ash went soft for him. Like, that fricking broke my heart. I love this relationship tho. And, i hope Clary and him can be good friends. But, I feel like he might end up dying to save her or smth and make us all cry . T_T

11)WHAT TF IS GOING ON WITH THE SHADOWHUNTER POLITICS RN THO?HOW AND WHERE ARE THEY ALL SURVIVING TOGETHER WHAT IS THEIR SYSTEM AND STUFF THIS IS NOT A POINT WITH POTENTIAL THEORIES COZ HONESTLY I WANT TO BE SURPRISED BUT I THINK THEY MIGHT ALL JUST BE IN HIDING AND THEN IN TWP THEY MIGHT HAVE TO COME OUT FOR A QUEST OR SMTH AND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE SHADOWHUNTERS AT THE CLIMAX OF THIS WHOLE SERIES??? IT IS THE END OF TSC SO IM SCARED AND KINDA SAD TOO :(((((((

12)Thule We might learn more about the Thule world and maybe they restore it or maybe the Quest is in Thule. idk. we don’t know much, but Thule will most probably be explored a lot. Cassie wouldn’t have opened up Thule for no reason.

13)Zara and Emma  Showdown? Befriend e/o ? What’s in store for these two? If it’s a showdown we get to see CORTANA YAY I AM OBSESSED WITH CORTANA NOW BECAUSE OF CORDELIA AND HER OBSESSION GOSH DARN IT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME

14)BIG WAR I see a huge war coming I just know it. It’s a climax so there MUST be a big war and so I cannot wait! Feel like there’s gonna be some deaths as well. Lowkey feel like Jia might die. I can feel it. :(

15)The best-friend shadowhunter of Dru is a nice thing to look forward to! I can’t wait to read about the two! And I love the fact that Dru is finally exposed to new people. And, for anyone who’s confused as to how she goes to the Academy, in QOAAD she only said she’ll have some maturity done AFTER some years .  Those years are over and she at the Academy now hecc yeah I BELIEVE THE BFF IS CALLED THAI AND SHE’S FROM THE SPANISH INSTITUTE CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG???

16)Magnus Bane He is literally everywhere. He gon be here too. No worries for all the Magnus Bane stans. He’ll make it here without a doubt!  Good for you :).  and the entire community of shadowhunters they literally always need him  17)THE MAIN MAIN PLOT THE SHADOWHUNTERS SHOWDOWN IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO ALSO BE RELATED TO THE PRINCES OF HELL COMING TOGETHER AND I AM TOO SCARED TO LOOK TOO INTO IT BUT WE KNOW SHIZ COMING GNJODIFPEDWEFHUGBJ VM

18)THIS IS KINDA RANDOM BUT I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE SELF-ESTEEM GROWTH IN DRU LIKE PLEASE SHE QUEEN MWAH

[exoticarmyofcrowns]

dilwale | pjm [m.]

pairing: jimin x fem!reader

summary: a trip across europe turns a bit more interesting when you meet park jimin, a shameless flirt with a penchant for trouble. dilwale (dil-wah-ley): [hindi] the good-hearted, the strong-hearted, lover

genre: romance, fluff, minor angst (pining), smut, dilwale dulhania le jayenge!au (this is not a thing but i made it one oop)

warnings: LOTS of pining (god so much pining) / some cursing / copious amounts of fluff / (bad) flirting / banter / allusion to being taken advantage of BUT IT’S FALSE / lots of feelings / lots of consent (bc consent is sexy) / switch!jimin / switch!reader? / the smut is pretty soft ngl / praise kink sorta? (bc come on is it a jimin fic w/o it) / creampie / excessive use of the word sweetheart / thicc!jimin / unprotected sex (WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT PLSSSS) / tease!jimin / riding / aaaaand i think that’s it??

word count: ~15.6k

a/n: hello ya girl is BACK w another self-indulgent fic hehe THIS ONE’S FOR MY FELLOW DESIS AND BOLLYWOOD LOVERS!!!! ddlj is my absolute favorite movie in the entire world and i just wanted some representation dammit lol this is heavily based on the plot of that movie but obviously with some changes for my own artistic purposes. shout out to @moonlytae​ for helping me decide which member it should be and @joonies-girl-08​ for the fountain scene u guys are the best! as always, a big thank u to @jooniecult​ for ur expertise, u da best! i hope you all enjoy this, i had so much fun writing it!

“Shit shit shit!”

You’re sprinting through the terminal, checking the directory clutched in your hands as you try to both watch where you’re going and find the damn platform you’re supposed to be on. Your friends and you have been planning this trip for weeks now and you’ve already fucked up by waking up late with barely any time to spare as you frantically waved down a taxi to the train station. You and your friends are taking the Eurail across Europe to celebrate your college graduation and you really should have been at the station about 20 minutes ago but you can blame your overexcitement—and the subsequent lack of sleep—for that.

Of course, luck was not on your side as there was an accident mere minutes from the station. London traffic at its finest. You made the split-second decision to abandon the cab, throwing an apology and a few bills over the divider before running the rest of the way. A glance at your watch says that you’re mere seconds away from missing your train and the thought pushes you to pump your legs faster, backpack slapping against your back with bruising force as you attempt to drag your small carry-on behind you.

Turning a swift corner, you catch sight of the platform you’re looking for. The train doors are still open, thank god, but you know they will close any second. You’re not sure that you’re gonna make it when you see a hand pop out of the open doors, beckoning you to grab hold. Figuring you have nothing to lose now, you take it, arm jolting you through the automatic doors just as they slide shut.

Collapsing with relief, you rest your hands on your knees as you try desperately to catch your breath. The latch on your suitcase has snapped open, spilling the contents onto the floor. You curse, frantically stuffing the carrier full again. You don’t necessarily have anything to hide but you’re not really looking to literally air out your laundry to strangers. Speaking of, you remember you never actually thanked your savior for pulling you to safety. You look up, an expression of gratitude on your lips when you catch sight of the person who helped you onto the train. Your mouth dries as you struggle to form a coherent sentence.

To say he’s gorgeous would be the understatement of the century. He’s absolutely stunning, almost fairy-like with his delicate features and mischievous eyes. It’s a direct contrast to the way he’s dressed, t-shirt tucked into sinfully-tight jeans and a leather jacket thrown over his shoulders. His hair is the softest shade of pink you’ve ever seen and you’re tempted to run your fingers through it.

The sound of someone clearing their throat snaps you out of your reverie. You glance up at the man’s face to see his eyes glimmering with mirth and you know you’ve been caught checking him out. You straighten abruptly, cheeks warm with something other than exertion.

“Um,” you begin, cursing yourself internally for how lame you sound, “th-thank you. You know, for pulling me in.”

“It was no problem.” The words come out like a purr and the effect is not lost on you, heart pounding just a little harder in your chest. 

You clear your throat nervously and look away from his piercing gaze. You realize you’re both standing in the gangway connection. The handsome stranger seems to realize this at the same time because he glances over to the door and drops his own bag to try and pry it open. He struggles for a moment before knocking loudly on the door.

“Anyone over there?” He tugs uselessly on the door one more time before stepping away, hand running through his pink strands in frustration. He glances over to you looking a little sheepish. “Looks like we’re stuck here for a little.”

“Ah.” You sigh, not sure what else to say so you remain silent. You go to check your phone but remember that it had died midway through your taxi ride. Flopping down onto the ground, you figure you’re gonna be here a while so you pull out the book you brought to keep yourself entertained and flip to where you left off.

Just as you’re getting back into the story, you see the stranger settle down next to you a little closer than you would have liked. While you can admit the man is attractive, you’re still strangers. You have no idea who this guy is; he could be a mugger for all you know! Okay, that was probably not very likely but you can never be too careful.

“So,” he begins, leaning his head back to peer at you, “have we met before? You look awfully familiar.”

You frown. Of course you haven’t met him before, you’re sure you would have remembered such a stunning man. Not that you’d admit that out loud. “Uh…no?” It comes out a bit harsher than you intend but he recovers well.

“Ah, I see. My mistake.” He flashes you a sweet smile and you return it, albeit a little uncomfortably. You try to return to your book but he interrupts you yet again. “It’s just that, your eyes…”

“What?” you practically snap. “What’s wrong with my eyes?”

“Nothing,” he simpers, eyes boring into yours. “They just remind me of someone.”

“Oh? Who?” The beginnings of a sneer are curling at the corners of your mouth but you manage to bite it back. You cannot, however, keep the impatience from leaking into your tone.

“My mother,” he answers back, gaze turning fond if not a little dreamy. “Her eyes are just like yours, soft and warm and—”

“Listen, that’s very sweet and all but I’m just trying to get back with my friends so if you could, just please leave me alone?” You’re trying really hard not to get tight with this guy but you know his type—pretty boys with an agenda. This trip is for you and your girls and you’re not about to let some schmuck ruin it for you.

He raises his arms in a gesture of defeat. “Alright, alright. I was just trying to break the ice. No need to worry.” Settling back against the wall, he tips his head back to close his eyes and you relax slightly.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see him shift uncomfortably but choose to ignore him in favor of your book. 

“Excuse me, are these…?” You feel a nudge against your arm and you frown, directing your attention back to him.

Dangling from his fingers is a thong. Your thong, to be exact. 

A gasp of mortification tears itself from your throat as you rip the offending garment from his grasp, rushing to shove it back into your backpack. The man has the nerve to laugh at your embarrassment.

“I thought so,” he chuckles, a dangerous smirk curving at the corners of his plump lips. Even his mouth is a pretty pink. You catch yourself staring again and quickly curse yourself, pushing yourself further against the wall of the gangway and away from him.

“Wouldn’t have pegged you for a black lace kind of girl.”

You whip around to fix him with your most annoyed glare. The fuck was wrong with this guy? “Excuse me?”

He’s still wearing that insufferable smirk and you have to fight the urge to slap it off his stupid face. “It’s just…you seem so pure. Sure that ain’t a little out of your league, sweetheart?” 

Mouth agape, you can’t even formulate a proper response to that. “I don’t see how that’s any of your fucking business?”

You congratulate yourself a little when you see his eyes widen fractionally, clearly taken aback by your response. Serves him right, creepy bastard. He drops the subject and you raise your book again to resume reading, albeit with a bit more force than necessary. You can hardly focus on the words, too caught up on the last few minutes to read properly. 

You’re halfway through a mental smackdown of Cotton Candy Headass when you feel something making its way into your lap. Startled, you look down only to see the little gremlin squirming his way into your space and under your book. You shoot him an incredulous look, unsure whether to laugh at the sheer gall or scream in his face. 

“Don’t stop on my account.” He smiles disarmingly bright and you would be entranced if you weren’t so annoyed. “I was just curious to see how you could read a book upside down. Very interesting style!”

You glance at the way you’re holding your book, face warming at the realization that you were in fact holding it upside down. Fuck.

“Alright, jackass,” you begin, pushing against his shoulders in an effort to dislodge him from your lap, “enough is enough—”

Just then, the cabin door slides open revealing one of your friends. You and Cotton Candy Creep turn your heads to your friend at the same time. Your friend raises a brow at you in a silent question.

“___? What are you doing here?” You sigh, opening your mouth to answer her, but a low voice beats you to it. 

“Why hello there, my dear. Did I keep you waiting?” Picking yourself up from the ground, you roll your eyes as you gather your bags. First you, now your friend? This guy doesn’t give up.

“I was scared you had missed the train.” Your friend, Sheena, says the words to you but is looking at your strange companion, eying him up like she wants to devour him. 

“Oh, not to worry, darling, I caught it just in time.” He sidles up next to Sheena, leaning against the wall with one arm.

“Good, I was…worried.” She twirls a lock of hair around her finger and you have to remind yourself that you love your friend more than you want to throttle her at this moment.

You sling your backpack across your shoulders before picking up your suitcase. If you had gotten the chance to eat breakfast this morning, you’re sure you would have thrown it up already.

“By the way, what’s your name?” He holds a hand out like a gentleman, as if he weren’t just commenting on your lingerie not ten minutes ago.

“Sheena…” 

“Park Jimin, at your service” he returns, grasping Sheena’s proffered hand to kiss the back of it, and you decide you’ve finally had enough.

“Oh, Sheena~” you sing-song, wiggling your fingers in a mock wave. “I’m over here. Shall we go?”

She has the decency to look sheepish as she turns to you, reaching out for  your arm so she can pull you to her side.

“Allow me.” Jimin, the little imp, slides the door open with a flourish, sending a last wink at your friend. You usher your friend through before she can get another word in edgewise. As you step through the door, you make sure to knock his knees as hard as you can with your suitcase, taking pleasure in the hiss of pain that escapes him.

As the door shuts behind you, you can’t help but mutter, “I hate men.”

“___, come on! Are you ready?”

You have just finished placing the finishing touches on your makeup when Sheena calls you from the bedroom. Sending one last appraising look, you deem yourself ready and make your way out of the bathroom.

“I’m here, I’m here,” you chuckle, throwing your small purse over your shoulder. “Let’s go!”

Grabbing your other friends, your small group makes its way down to the lobby. The hotel is having a party sponsored by Eurail in the middle of Paris and you can’t help but feel a little excited. You’re having a great time so far, surrounded by your girls, in the city of love no less, and you feel giddy at the thought of what’s to come.

You follow the directions on the invitation and find yourselves in a ballroom located in the back of the hotel. The doors open and the sight that greets you is—

Underwhelming.

The room is dotted with tables and waiters traverse the space, glasses full of bubbling liquid balanced skillfully on trays. It’s almost unnervingly silent as a drab opera singer sings on what you think is actually a dance floor that has been repurposed into a stage. You exchange wary glances with Sheena and the other girls before making your way through the cluster of tables and settling on one closest to the bar and furthest from that damned opera singer.

“Oh god, this party is so boring,” Sheena whines beside you, picking up a menu and flicking through it.

“I told you it would be,” one of your other friends, Jennie, pipes up.

“Yeah well, you also said that the train would get into an accident, the hotel would burn down, and we’d be poisoned by the food so forgive us if we were inclined to ignore your premonitions.” You roll your eyes playfully, nudging her with your foot to let her know you were joking,

“Hey, hey, ___. Look.” Sheena shakes you as you scan the appetizers, prompting you to look up to where she’s pointing at the entrance. “It’s your loverboy. And he brought friends.”

“Oh crap,” you whine, whipping back around and sinking lower in your seat. You hope he hasn't seen you.

“‘Loverboy’?” Jennie asks with a frown.

“I found him curled up in ___’s lap when I went looking for her.” Sheena smirks at you while you try to melt into the floor.

“Shut up, Sheena, you know it wasn’t like that. Especially considering the fact that the two of you started flirting right in front of me.”

“Oh. come on. Lighten up, it was only a bit of harmless fun. I wouldn’t dream of taking your man.”

You splutter. “He’s not my anything—”

“Hey! We should invite them over!” Jennie smiles obliviously. You love the girl to death but sometimes she can be a bit…airheaded.

“That is a great idea, Jen,” Sheena shoots you a devious look and before you can stop her, she’s already flagging the group over. You wish the earth would open and swallow you up—better yet, take both you and Sheena so you can have the pleasure of throttling her yourself.

The boys make their way over to you before you can think of an escape plan and you stare resolutely at your menu in an effort to block them out.

“Hi, Sheena.” His voice is just as soft and seductive as you remembered and it sends a familiar heat flashing across your skin but you quickly stifle it. He looks good, you notice begrudgingly. He’s wearing black slacks and a black blazer with a white t-shirt to give a casual vibe. He’s topped off the look with pink tinted glasses that make him look like some celebrity. You think it would be pretentious if it were anyone else but unfortunately, he makes it work. The slacks hug his legs almost sinfully tight, highlighting the strong muscles of his thighs and the rounded curve of his— 

Snap out of it! You abruptly stop your scrutiny there, shoving your face back into your menu. You will not let him affect you like he did in the train. You won’t. Still, you can’t help sneaking a glance over to him only to find he’s already staring at you. “Hello, sweetheart.” He shoots you a devastating smile along with a wink and you sneer, abruptly turning away.

“Hey, Jimin.” Sheena simpers and she’s laying it on a little thick, you think, but you know it’s all for show. “Who’re your friends?”

“Ah, this is Jung Hoseok and Jeon Jeongguk.” Jimin points first to a young man with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen and then to a slightly younger man whose eyes and nose crinkle cutely as he waves in greeting. The three of them are stunning and you’re left wondering how all the attractive people seem to find each other.

Birds of a feather, you suppose.

The boys make themselves comfortable at your table and you try your best not to grimace. Jimin may be an asshole but the other two have done nothing wrong. You actually quite like them. You’re enjoying listening to a story about the time they got kicked out of a karaoke bar when you overhear parts of another conversation happening across the table.

“You know, Sheena, I think I’ve seen you before.” Jimin is leaning close to your friend as if they are sharing some sordid secret. An unknown emotion churns in your stomach.

“Oh, really? What makes you say that?” 

“Your eyes. They remind me of someone.” You stiffen. Now, there’s a familiar line. The nerve of this bastard, reusing pick up lines? How much more pathetic can you get? You clear your throat, trying to appear interested in your conversation with Jeongguk and Hoseok while also keeping tabs on your friend.

“Oh? Whose?”

Jimin has a coy smile curving the corners of his plump lips. “My mother.”

Sheena coos at his words and you can’t bear to hear any more. You stand up abruptly, glasses clinking on the table with the force of your exit. 

“I’m going to get a drink,” you murmur to no one in particular and stalk over to the bar. You’re craving the burn of a shot or even the dim haze of wine but you abandon those notions in favor of a water, flagging down the bartender. You chug it a little desperately, relishing in the cooling effect as the water tempers the annoyance you feel for your unwelcome companion. Taking a deep breath, you push away from the bar and make your way back to the table where you find Jeongguk and Hoseok complaining about the music choice.

“I’m just saying, this party could be bumpin’ if the music wasn’t shit.” Hoseok glances over at the poor woman singing her heart out on the dance floor. 

Jeongguk sits up suddenly, a devious smile lighting up his face. “Let me see what I can do. Come with me.” He grasps Hoseok’s arm as he gets up, hoisting the man out of his seat.

“Where’re you going?” you ask Hoseok but he looks just as lost as you do. The younger man tugs at his arm, dragging him off to the other side of the room.

“Beats me.” Hoseok shrugs and he disappears with Jeongguk in the sea of waiters and tables.

You’re left a little dumbfounded as the pair leaves you but you shrug it off. You try to enjoy the evening before remembering that Jimin is currently flirting his way into your friend’s pants and your mood sours once again. Just as you’re in the middle of planning your escape, the lights dim and a voice comes on the loudspeaker.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” you recognize the voice as Hoseok’s and you can’t help but laugh in disbelief. “We are now going to progress to some beats that are a bit more…exciting. Ready, set, and begin!”

A song with a heavy bass and a pleasing trap beat bleeds from the speakers and the room seems to buzz with life all at once. A few squeals and cheers fill the air as people rush to the dance floor at the center and begin dancing wildly. You laugh, shocked that the boys managed to liven up this party in a matter of minutes.

They walk back over to your table with self-satisfied smirks on their faces. You smile widely at them as they approach. “That was awesome! How did you manage that?”

“I just hacked into the speaker system and synced up my music playlist.” Jeongguk looks rather bashful but still proud as he flashes you a sweet smile.

“Shall we dance, then?” Hoseok bows with a flourish and you giggle fondly, nodding excitedly. You glance over your shoulder and spot Sheena still with Jimin except now he has his hand out in a question and she takes it before following the pink-haired man to the dance floor. 

You don’t feel so good anymore but you’re determined not to let some prick ruin your night. So, you turn back to the boys resolutely and lead them into the throng of writhing bodies.

Jeongguk and Hoseok, you quickly learn, are incredible dancers. The power with which the two of them move is truly a sight to behold and you’re having a hard time keeping up. You manage to have a good time, though; when Jeongguk sees you struggling, he strikes a ridiculous pose and makes up the silliest moves, making you laugh merrily. 

Unfortunately, you can’t keep your gaze from flitting over to Jimin and Sheena every so often. They seem to be getting awfully close, you think as Jimin pulls your friend close to him and the sight is almost too much. Why, you’re not sure and you don’t want to let yourself think about it. You thought you were being discreet about it but Hoseok seems to notice your shift in demeanor.

“You’ve been moping for the past few minutes now.” He nods at something over your shoulder and you know exactly what he’s referring to. “Why don’t you go ask him to dance?”

Your eyes flicker back to the happy couple of their own volition and you spot Sheena leaning up to whisper something in Jimin’s ear. You wish you were anywhere but here.

“What? No, I— That’s not…no,” you finish lamely, knowing full well that was not the least bit convincing but not finding the will to care. Hoseok looks unimpressed and you’re about to reassure him when you feel a gentle tap on your shoulder.

“May I cut in?” The velvety smooth voice caresses your skin and god you wish he’d stop appearing everywhere. You’re almost rendered speechless as you stare into Jimin’s eyes, soft and playful with an undercurrent of mischief that both intrigues and irritates you. You glance at Jeongguk and Hoseok but they merely share a look, smirking at each other as they not-so-subtly back away from the two of you. Left with no other option, you gently sway to the beat of the song, allowing yourself to fall in rhythm with Jimin.

It’s awkwardly silent for the first few moments before Jimin finally pipes up.

“Why do you hate me so much?” He steps minutely closer to you and all you can see is Sheena pressed up against him as she whispers in his ear. An inexplicable anger flashes through you.

“Why do you make it so easy to hate you?” you fire back.

Jimin raises a brow at your tone but otherwise shows no outward reaction to your hostility. It only serves to irritate you further.

Just to make matters worse, he starts laughing. It’s a soft, tinkling sound and you hate how much you like it. “I think I know why.”

“You don’t know shit,” you spit, fists clenching at your sides. You have half a mind to smack him right there on the dance floor but you know it would only cause a scene. That’s the last thing you need on this night from hell.

Suddenly, he grasps your waist and spins you around so that your back is pressed to his front. You try to squirm away but he’s surprisingly strong, keeping you locked in place with one hand around your waist and the other caressing up the length of your body. You tremble as he begins to sway.

“I think you like me.” The words are nothing but a whisper, soft breaths fanning out across your skin and creating goosebumps in their wake. The music has slowed significantly and you can feel the bass reverberating through your chest.

“L-Like hell I do!” You curse internally at the way your voice stutters but he merely laughs, sending shivers up and down your spine.

“Then why can I feel you shaking?” Jimin guides your hips with his, coaxing your body to move according to his whim. You feel him along every dip and curve to the point you’re not even sure where he ends and you begin. It’s sensual and dizzying and ridiculously sexy.

“Because I can’t stand the feeling of your hands on me.” You’re desperate to hold onto some shred of your dignity, no matter how slim,  but then you feel the tip of his nose glide up the length of your neck and your brain short-circuits. You only just manage to reign in the urge to bare yourself to him, to submit, but you’ll be damned if you let him have any more control over you.

“Then why haven’t you pulled away yet, hmm?” You swear you feel his lips brush your shoulder and your eyes slip closed of their own accord. “I’m not even holding you anymore.”

It takes a second for his words to register but when they do, it’s as if he’s dumped a bucket of cold water over you. Your eyes snap open as you realize his arm is no longer holding you in place but merely draped across your middle in a loose embrace. You could pull yourself free if you just moved slightly forward. 

You’re not even sure when that happened and you know he knows this. This is just a game to him and you? You’re just another plaything at his disposal. The thought leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and you practically rip yourself away from Jimin as if you’ve been burned.

“I-I have to go.”

“Wait—” Jimin starts to say but you don’t wait around long enough to hear him out. You’ve seen and heard enough for one night,

Grabbing your purse, you all but run out of the ballroom, barely remembering to shoot Sheena a text that you were heading back to the room early. Tears sting at your eyes but you refuse to let them fall, especially not over the likes of Park Jimin. He’s nothing more than a pathetic excuse for a man looking for a quick lay. He’s not worth it, you desperately try to remind yourself.

But somehow, as you wait for the elevator, as you feel the ghost of his touch on your waist and the soft caress of his breath on your skin, your heart refuses to believe that as the truth.

It’s been 3 days since what you’ve deemed as The Incident, and you’re happy to report that you have yet to see Park Jimin.

Of course, you’ve seen him—you’re on a tour together after all—but you’ve made it a point to actively ignore him any chance you get. Sometimes you’ll run into Hobi (as he’s reminded you numerous times to call him) or Jeongguk and talk to them for a while but you don’t linger too long, for fear he’ll just pop up out of nowhere. You feel bad because you genuinely like the other boys but every time you catch sight of Jimin’s pink cotton candy head, your heart beats a little faster and your skin runs a little warmer and you just can’t handle that headache right now.

The Eurail train has stopped in a quaint little town on the way to Zürich and you decide to take the opportunity to stretch your legs. Besides, the sooner you get off the train, the less likely you’ll have an encounter with the object of your (des)ire.

Stepping down gently, glance around the station and spot a little road that leads further into the town. You don’t really have a destination in mind, figuring you’ll just walk for a little and then make your way back. You walk until you spot a quaint little souvenir shop and decide to check it out.

A familiar head of pink by the cashier makes you pause in the doorway and you nearly turn around to walk right out but he sees you and calls you over.

“___! Come over here, I need your help.”

You shift from foot to foot. You could just ignore him and continue on your way but the guilt that would follow would be unbearable. So you swallow your pride and make your way over to him, silent and cautious.

As you approach, you see him pouring over a small spread of trinkets. They’re little handmade pieces of jewelry—rings, bracelets, necklaces, you name it. They’re quite cute and would normally have you grinning and cooing but your present company puts a bit of a damper on that for you.

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” he begins nonchalantly. He doesn’t look up as you approach and you’re not sure if you’re annoyed or grateful.

You clear your throat awkwardly. “Uh, yeah, I’ve been…busy.”

Jimin looks at you then, a single brow raised that tells you he doesn’t believe you, which is fair. You don’t even believe you. “We’re on a tour of Europe together. What could you possibly be doing?”

You don’t really have an answer for that so you remain silent.

“Okay, nevermind that,” his voice brightens up significantly and you’re marginally grateful for the fact that he’s changing the subject. “Help me pick out a souvenir to take back home!”

A smile plays around the corner of your lips and you quickly bite it back. You will not be endeared by him. Your eyes catch on a small bracelet and you can’t help but fall in love instantly. It’s a delicate gold chain threaded with beautiful black pearls, a small pink flower resting on the end near the clasp. Your lips part as you stare at it for a little too long and you quickly snap yourself out of it to look back at Jimin. He’s already staring at you with a soft look in his eyes. The expression makes your heart clench so you look away, clearing your throat again.

“I-I don’t know,” you dismiss, glancing out the window where you can just barely make out the train. “Just pick something, we’ve gotta get back to the train soon.”

“Alright, alright. Calm down, sweetheart. Gimme two minutes.”

You check your phone impatiently, noting the time. The conductor had said you were stopping for about half an hour before you would be on your way again. You don’t remember the exact time you stopped but you know it’s getting close to the time you should be leaving.

“Sweetheart, can you come here a second? I always forget which coins are which.” Jimin beckons you over, a collection of francs in his palm and you send another despairing glance at the train.

“Jimin, I have no clue but come on, we’ve gotta go!” 

You decide to stop waiting on his slow ass and run out of the shop. You make it to the platform just in time to see the train pulling away. Jimin takes a bit longer than you, practically having to sprint after you, but he stops abruptly as he notices the retreating train. 

He starts to laugh in disbelief and you can’t help the tears that well up in your eyes. All your luggage and most of your money is on that train. And now you’re stranded out here, with Park Jimin no less. You try to hold back but you feel a few tears slip down your cheeks as the train disappears from view.

Jimin seems to notice your distress because he begins to panic a little himself. “S-Sweetheart, come on. It’s okay! Look, at least you’re not alone. I’m here with you!”

That only makes you cry harder, a small sob escaping your lips as you smother your face between your hands. Jimin falls silent, unsure how to handle your emotional display but doesn’t leave your side. It’s both comforting and confusing.

It takes a few minutes but you eventually regain your composure, adamant in avoiding Jimin’s probing gaze. You can’t believe you cried in front of him like a child. You’re embarrassed and annoyed and tired but you channel that energy into fixing yourself up to look like a functioning human being and marching over to the ticket booth and finding out the next train to Zürich. Just your luck, the next train isn’t until tomorrow morning. You quickly text your friends what happened, letting them know you’re safe and that you’ll meet them in Zürich tomorrow afternoon. You sigh, wondering how what should have been an exciting trip turned into such a mess.

“So what’s the damage?” Jimin asks. Oh, right. That’s how. You fight not to roll your eyes as you relay the information. “Oh, that’s no problem! We can just—”

“Oh no,” you cut him off abruptly, seething with annoyance. He thinks you want to spend any length of time with him after he made you both miss your train? Not a chance. “We are not  doing anything, I am going to find my own way to Zürich. You’re the reason we’re stuck here in the first place. I want nothing to do with you.”

Jimin looks taken aback but then his expression hardens. “Listen here, sweetheart, I know you’re pissed but you’re being a bit of a bitch. I’m sorry I made us miss the train but splitting up is the literal worst thing we could do right now. This is not to patronize you but you are a woman alone in a foreign country, I’m not about to abandon you just because you don’t like me. Now let’s just play nice and try to find a place to stay for the night so we can catch the first train out of here and be on our merry way. Deal?”

You blink, surprised by the force of his outburst. Fuck. He’s right. You know he’s right and the wave of shame that overtakes you is well-deserved. You duck your head, thoroughly chastised, and nod at him, following his lead as he turns around and begins walking back in the direction of the town. Glancing at him timidly, you murmur a soft apology.

He turns his head in your direction but doesn’t look at you. “What was that?”

You huff, squaring your shoulders. “I’m sorry, okay? You were right.”

Jimin looks at you then, a blinding smile on his face and you feel your body relax a little. At least he’s not mad at you. 

“No problem, sweetheart. Things like this happen. We just gotta make the most of it.” He falls in step with you so that you’re no longer trailing slightly behind and the gesture warms your heart just a bit.

“Why do you keep calling me sweetheart?” You thought it was just a cheap way to endear himself to you, especially back when he didn’t know your name but the way he says it doesn’t feel gross. It feels almost…nice.

“Oh, uh,” Jimin rubs the back of his neck a little shyly, the beginnings of a blush staining his cheeks, and you can’t help the swell of affection. “Sorry. It just kinda…stuck?”  

“No, it’s…it’s fine.” You look away, suddenly finding the scuffed material of your shoe very interesting.

Clearing his throat, Jimin forces out a gruff, “Good,” and the two of you fall into a companionable silence. 

Eventually, you stumble across a small inn a little ways into town, about a 25 minute walk from the train station. Jimin ducks inside, asserting that he’ll handle the cost of the room to make amends. You try not to smile after him as he leaves.

Key in hand, Jimin leads you to a small but cozy room on the third floor. It’s very quaint, a single bed dominating the room with an old settee off by the window. There’s even a small fireplace and a tea set. You slip your purse off your shoulder as you settle near the mantle.

“Wow, what a cute room!” Sitting on the couch, you marvel at its soft texture. “Where’s yours?”

“Yeah, about that…” Jimin hasn’t really moved from his spot by the door, rubbing at his neck again in what you recognize as a nervous tick. “This was the only room they had so, uh, we gotta share?”

“What?” You blink, hoping that he’s joking. 

“I-I know that it sounds weird but there really was no other option. I’ve already decided to sleep on the couch and you can—”

“Listen, I am fine with sticking together and getting back to our friends but this is just— I can’t…I can’t share a room with you.” You stand up abruptly but you don’t have any idea what to do with yourself.

“Why not?” Jimin seems confused and honestly, you are too. It shouldn’t be such a big deal, especially since you’ve kinda-sorta made up but this is little more than you can handle.

Glancing at him, you shake your head, words failing you. How can you explain that you just feel too much for him to be comfortable around him? How do you tell him that you’re having second thoughts about him being a total pain in the ass or about the stutter in your heart whenever he so much as glances at you? You can’t so you just send him a helpless look before storming out of the room, a flush on your cheeks and a heaviness in the pit of your stomach.

You don’t know where you’re going but anywhere is better than in there with the man that forces you to confront your feelings. Shaking your head, you figure you’ll explore the town a little. You could use the fresh air.

Jimin doesn’t know what else to do.

He’s willing to admit he fucked up with you at that party. He never should have come on that strong but you had looked so beautiful and, even though they were his friends, seeing you with Hobi and Jeongguk had ignited such a strong feeling of jealousy that he was helpless to do anything but whisk you away in his arms. He had spent that night tossing and turning in his bed. Now that he knew what you felt like in his arms, his mind refused to think of anything else.

But then you had run away and Jimin knew that he had crossed a line. He just wanted to tease you, maybe fluster you a bit, but never had he wanted to scare you off. You intrigued him. You were funny and sweet—to your friends at least—and it was quite fun to fluster you with his charms. He knew it was simply a physiological reaction, having nothing to do with any actual attraction to him as a person, but he was willing to take what he could get from you.

That, as it turns out, is absolutely nothing.  He thought he was making progress with you. First and foremost, he realized at some point, he wants to be your friend. He enjoys your company and likes your attitude. It doesn’t hurt that he finds you absolutely stunning but he figures he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it. Right now, his main focus is getting you to like him and every time he thinks he’s close, something happens and you’re back to despising him. One step forward, two steps back.

Speaking of you, it’s been a few hours since you’d stormed out of the room in a flustered mess. Jimin didn’t understand why sharing a room with him was such a big deal but he respects you enough to recognize that your feelings are your feelings and he should just accept them. He’s beginning to grow worried, though, as the sun has just set on the horizon. It’ll be dark soon and he doesn’t even want to think about what could happen to you, a beautiful young woman, alone on the streets of an unfamiliar town in the middle of the night. 

He checks his phone and curses when he realizes that he still doesn’t have your phone number. It’s decided then; he has to go looking for you. Jimin leaps off the bed, grabbing his wallet from his bag and stuffing the room key inside, before practically sprinting out of the inn. 

Jimin’s not sure how long he searches for you but the light has long-since faded from the sky and the street lights have come on. He’s pretty sure he’s stopped in every shop and establishment along the length of the main road but he has yet to see any sign of you. He wants to keep looking but his stomach gives a ravenous growl and he forces himself to stop and take a break. You’re out here somewhere; he can just stop quickly and then continue his search once he’s gotten something into his stomach.

Ducking into a random bar, Jimin runs a tired hand through his hair. He’s about to head to the bar at the back of the place when he spots you sitting on one of the stools, hunched over a drink. Jimin’s not religious but he thanks every god above that you’re alright. All thoughts of food vanish as relief floods his body, nearly knocking him over with the force of it.

“Hey, sweetheart, you nearly gave me a heart attack. You can’t just run off  like that—”

“Jiminie~!” you cry with a dopey grin on your face as you swivel around to look at him. And, you’re drunk. Figures. 

“Jiminie, I saw the cutest puppy when I was outside and I wanted to take a picture but my phone died and so I couldn’t and I was so sad—”

You start rambling about how much you love puppies and Jimin just rolls his eyes fondly as he pays the tab and decides to get you home, hunger long-forgotten. Eventually he gets you out of the bar and the both of you start walking back to the inn albeit a bit slowly.

You suddenly speak up out of nowhere. “You know, I don’t like you.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Jimin can’t help the bitterness that creeps into his tone but he keeps his expression neutral.

“It’s because of your face.” 

“What about my face?” 

“It’s too pretty. Like what the fuck?? It’s not fair. You’re pretty and handsome and sexy as fuck and it’s just not fair.”

Jimin smiles to himself but tries to sound teasing. “You think I’m sexy?”

“Duh, I may hate you but I’m not blind.” A beat. “Okay maybe I don’t hate you. I hate that you make me feel things.”

“Things?” 

“Yeah, things.” 

“What kind of things?” 

“Bad things. My heart hurts when you talk to me but also when you talk to other girls? But I can’t like you. You’re a flirt. And I don’t like flirts. But I like you.” You seem to realize what you just said because you gasp dramatically. “WAIT, NO I DON'T! Well… kinda. Woah, I’m dizzy.”

You stumble and Jimin catches you, amusement swimming in his eyes as he gazes fondly while you struggle to keep yourself upright. As the pair of you walk towards the inn, you catch sight of a fountain in the middle of the town square and bolt upright, running over to it.

It’s quite pretty, even Jimin will admit. It’s relatively small, carved out of a sand-colored stone in a pretty, almost chalice-like design. Water trickles from a spout on the top where it makes its way down to the pool. Spouts surrounding the round rim all spray a thin stream of water toward the center and little lights within the pool illuminate the coin-covered bottom.

“I’ve always wanted to jump into a fountain!” you say as you stop in front of the structure to admire it.

“Why?!” 

“I don’t know, I saw it in a movie once and it looked fun!” 

Jimin glances over to you nervously and tries to grab your arm surreptitiously. “Well, maybe we should do that another time. You know, when you’re not—” 

SPLASH! 

“—drunk,” he finishes with a sigh.

You giggle in delight as you splash around, fully clothed, in the shallow fountain and Jimin can’t help the swell of affection as he watches you smile brightly. He’s never seen you smile like that before and he wishes he could be the cause of it.

You catch sight of the coins resting on the bottom of the fountain and you gasp dramatically, begging Jimin for a franc to toss in. Jimin laughs but acquiesces, lending you a hand as you struggle to get out of the fountain, dripping water all over the pavement. He watches you fondly as you clutch the coin with both hands up to your face and whisper into it like a prayer, swaying slightly because you are still a little drunk after all, and all he can think is he could watch you forever.

You abruptly open your eyes and throw the coin in, smiling softly as you wave at your coin. God, you’re precious.

“So… What’d you wish for?” 

You look scandalized. “I can’t tell you!” 

“Why not?” 

“Then it won’t come true,” you say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world and Jimin wonders if it’s possible to die of smiling too much. 

“Ah, I see.”

You start shivering. “I’m cold.”

“That’s what happens when you jump into a fountain in the middle of the night, sweetheart” Jimin shrugs off his jacket and wraps you up in it. It’s not much but it’s better than nothing. You snuggle into the fabric, shivering again.

“I like when you call me that. My heart doesn’t hurt anymore when you say it.” 

Something tightens in Jimin’s heart and he’s overwhelmed with it, petting your hair softly. “Then I’ll say it for the rest of your life, sweetheart.” He whispers the words like they’re something sacred. He thinks they are.

Going slack in his hold, you lean heavily against him and your eyelashes flutter prettily as you struggle to stay awake.

“Come on, sweetheart,” Jimin says and he can’t stop the tender way his voice caresses the nickname or the reverence in his touch as he slips an arm around your waist. 

“Let’s go home.”

You’ve only been awake for a matter of seconds and you already want to die.

You have a splitting headache and your mouth feels like sandpaper. Well yeah that’s what happens when you drink too much, genius. You don’t even remember what happened after your visit to the bar but you figure it was nothing good.

You glance down at your clothes and find an unfamiliar t-shirt and a pair of shorts on your body. There’s clothes strewn across the room, on the bed, on the floor and your heart crawls into your throat. Now you’re concerned. What the hell happened?

Just then Jimin comes in with breakfast, some water, and, bless his soul, ibuprofen.

“Morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?” his voice sounds soft, softer than you’ve ever heard and you’re confused but also swooning? It’s a strange combination.

“Uh yeah, I-I guess I did. What happened last night?” You wince as you move to sit up. Damn, what did you do to make you so sore?

“Last night did quite a number on you, I’ll tell you that.” He laughs as he sets down the tray on the side table, perching himself on the edge of the bed as he looks at you. “How much did you have to drink exactly?” 

“Uh, I kinda lost count after my fifth or sixth vodka soda.” You scratch your head in embarrassment.

“Jesus Christ, how are you alive?” Jimin shakes his head in disbelief. Leave it to you, he figures. 

He hands you some water, which you chug gratefully, and take care to swallow the pills. He watches you, irises warm and pretty and you don’t like the way your heart flutters against your ribcage.

“You were incorrigible last night,” Jimin chuckles and you stiffen. What the fuck does that mean? “You kept pulling me in every direction, hanging off me at any given chance.” His voice is light and teasing and far too casual for what he’s suggesting.

Suddenly it clicks. The clothes strewn everywhere, the soreness, the strange tenderness in Jimin’s voice. 

Holy shit. Holy fuck. 

You slept with him. 

You fucking slept with him.

Jimin is still talking but you can hardly hear him over the ringing in your ears.

“We slept together,” you whisper in disbelief and Jimin immediately stops rambling about whatever the fuck and you’re still reeling with the realization that you fucking slept with him.

“What?” He seems confused but you can’t think about his emotions when yours are swirling around violently in your head, increasing the pounding against your skull and making you want to throw up.

“You fucking slept with me while I was drunk? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jimin’s eyes widen so much that it would be almost comical if you weren’t absolutely devastated. “What? What the hell are you talking about?” 

But you’re not listening anymore. You can’t, not with the way the blood is rushing too loudly in your ears, or the way your heart has crawled so far up your throat you think you could choke. 

Logically, you know this is not the worst thing in the world, that it may be a bit of an overreaction, but you can’t shake the feeling of wrongness that permeates your body when you think about what a vulnerable position you were in last night. Stupid, you think. How could you be so stupid? A desperate sob meets your ears and you’re all too aware that the gasping breaths are coming from you.

You can hear Jimin trying to reason with you but your body reacts violently, slapping his hands away every time he tries to reach for you. You cry, arms wrapping around your body in an attempt to hold yourself together but you can’t stop the tremors wracking your frame.

“___! Sweetheart, please, will you just—!” 

“No! Get away from me!”

You try to push him, shove him, hit him, but it’s futile and you only cry harder. Finally, Jimin decides enough is enough.

“Listen to me, ___. Listen to me.” Jimin’s hands come up to cradle your head, gentle but firm. His voice leaves no room for argument and you let out a pathetic whimper but look into his eyes nonetheless.

“I know what you think of me. I know you think I’m the scum of the earth, that I'm a flirt and a tease, and maybe I am those things but I am not a monster. Do you hear me? I may push boundaries and irritate you but I would never, ever dream of crossing that line without your explicit and enthusiastic consent.” 

His eyes blaze into yours with a passion you’ve never seen before. He looks serious and stern, but most of all he looks hurt. You did that. Before you can go any further with your self-hatred, he continues. “You were drunk and wet and I needed to get you into a change of clothes. I am telling you the truth when I say nothing happened last night. Believe me, please?”

You stare into his eyes for an immeasurable amount of time, back and forth between his irises and you feel all the tension within you release, as if his touch is a balm you never knew you needed to an ache you never knew you had.

Another whimper escapes you and you throw yourself into Jimin’s arms then, whispering, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” over and over again and he just embraces you, shushing you as he strokes your hair oh so gently.

You stay like that for a long time, simply relishing in the warmth of his body, before you realize what you’re doing. Jimin seems to come back into himself as well because you both pull away from each other at the same time, albeit a bit bashfully.

“Um, so. Why don’t you go get dressed, hm? We’ve got a train to catch.” He starts to move off the bed but turns back to you with a glimmer in his eye. “I will be needing my shirt, though…” He goes to move closer to you as though he were going to take the shirt himself. You lean back instinctively but relax at his wide grin, soft giggle escaping his lips as he leaves you to it.

You gaze after him, a fond smile curving at your lips as you wipe at your tear-stained cheeks, and your heart is too light to worry about anything else.

Refreshed and ready to go, you pull up to the train station almost an hour before your scheduled train. It may be overkill but you are not missing another train, thank you very much. 

While you wait, Jimin gets you both coffee, for which you are eternally grateful. You sit on one of the benches, swinging your legs happily as you sip your drink. Neither of you speak but it’s a comfortable silence. Who would have thought you would get to feel so comfortable around Jimin?

“Let’s play a game” Jimin pipes up out of nowhere. You laugh at his innocent suggestion and decide to humor him.

“Alright I’m down. Whatcha wanna play?”

“Twenty Questions!” He looks so excited you can’t help but tease.

“What are we, 14?”

“If you don’t wanna play, all you have to do is say so, you don’t have to be mean about it.” He pouts and you laugh if only to stifle the urge to coo at him and pinch his cheeks.

“Fine I’ll bite. You go first.” 

“What’s your most embarrassing kink?” 

You smack him upside the head and roll your eyes. “Next.”

The questions continue back and forth for a few minutes, some of them serious, most of them anything but. You laugh until your stomach hurts about the time he got into an argument with his best friend over a dumpling incident.

“Listen, it was a very serious argument—” 

“Over dumplings.” 

“Excuse you, dumplings are very important, I’ll have you know—”

You laugh as he puffs his cheeks out at you. He even looks like a dumpling and you tell him as much, earning another pout from the man. Eventually the topic shifts to more personal things.

“Okay, okay, serious one now,” Jimin says and there’s an unreadable look in his eyes. “Have you ever been in love?”

The question is unexpected and you have to think for a moment. Have you ever been in love? You’re not really sure.

“Dunno,” you shrug. 

“You don’t know? How could you not know?” 

“I’m just not sure if what I felt was love or…something else.”

“Valid, I guess.” He falls silent for a moment before speaking. “I know for a fact I never have.”

This surprises you. “What? A guy like you? Surely, you’ve been in love before.”

“A guy like me?” Jimin smirks as he side-eyes you.

“Y-Yeah you know flirts with anything with a pulse.” 

“Okay, rude.” You both laugh but sober up pretty quickly. “But yeah no. I’ve had a few flings or whatever but never anything I could call love, you know? Just…never really met the right person.”

“What kind of person are you looking for?”

“Well…” He sits up a little straighter in his seat. “I don’t have, like, an ideal type or anything but…all I know is, that when I see them—the person I’m meant to be with—all my heart’s desires and dreams will come true.  And maybe that makes me naive or whatever but I feel like I’ll know when I see them. Maybe not immediately, it might take some time, but I believe my soul will recognize its other half.”

You sit there, shocked and dazed. You hadn’t expected such a serious answer from him. “I— That’s…that’s beautiful.”

“You should hear Jeongguk talk about it.” He laughs softly as he rubs the back of his neck. “Says he’ll hear bells or something. He’s a cute kid.”

“Yeah he is…” You’re still a little dazed hearing him speak so passionately about love. It makes you feel painfully inadequate.

“What about you? What kind of person could sweep the ever-elusive ___ off her feet?”

You pause, unsure how to answer. “Oh, uh… I’ve never actually thought about it? I don’t know, I’ve always felt like, if I think about it too much, I’ll get too excited. I’ve always been the overexcited type.” Jimin chuckles, remembering the other night. He knows that all too well.

“But, uh, yeah. If I think about it, I’ll anticipate it, I’ll wait for it, and if it doesn’t come well… that’ll make the disappointment that much more upsetting.”

Jimin frowns. “Why wouldn’t it come?” 

“I-I don’t know.” You fidget with your fingers, insecure. “What if… What if I never meet someone? What if I do and my heart—my soul—never recognizes its other half?” You look into Jimin’s eyes. “What if I’m just alone?”

His gaze holds yours for an immeasurable amount of time. 

“I think,” he says slowly, and you find yourself hanging off of every word, “that you’re overcomplicating it. Sure, life has its disappointments but it comes with the territory. Having things to look forward to makes life worth living, even if it’s something as simple as waking up the next morning.”

Jimin inches his hand slowly over to where yours rests on the grainy wood of the bench. He nudges your pinky with his own, wrapping your digit with his. It’s a small gesture but it fills you with an inexplicable warmth.

“All I’m saying is, it’s okay to want.” He says it with such conviction that you desperately want to believe him. “And it’s okay to feel disappointed if you don’t get what you want. But don’t let that stop you from doing it.”

You’re silent again but you can’t look away. The words come rushing out before you can stop them. “And what if I already do? Want, I mean.”

His eyes flick between both of yours and you fight a shiver. “Then it’s your job to do something about it.”

The sound of the train’s whistle breaks the moment and you find yourself taking in a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You glance at the approaching train before looking shyly at Jimin.

“The train is coming. Wouldn’t wanna miss it again.” You try to joke but you can’t seem to shake the residual tension from before.

“And yet,” Jimin hums, barely above a whisper, “I find that I want to miss the train again and again.”

The trip wraps up almost too quickly for your liking.

When the two of you reunite with your friends in Zürich, it’s as if something has changed. You find yourself glancing at Jimin more often than not, and he’s almost always staring right back at you. It should unnerve you, you think, but you feel…calm, almost peaceful knowing his eyes are on you. Powerful. You also find yourself thinking about him a lot, often at night once the lights are cut and all your friends are asleep. You can’t shake his words.

It’s okay to want.

It seems obvious; of course it’s okay for you to want things. But when he said it, it was as if he had opened up a whole new world to you. Had you been unintentionally stifling your own desires? What did you want? You can feel something niggling at the edge of your consciousness but it disappears when you try to pinpoint the feeling, like stars when you look too hard at them. It frustrates you and you want to talk to him but where you actively had to avoid him before your little detour, you can’t seem to find him alone for longer than a cursory greeting. An ache has settled low in your stomach and the feeling of something missing pervades you for days after. You don’t sleep well until the end of the tour.

You’re sadder than you thought you’d be to leave this trip but you chalk it up to how much fun you’ve had over the last two weeks. Definitely does not have anything to do with a certain pink-haired man. Absolutely not.

“Be sure to keep in touch, yeah?” Hobi smiles his beautiful sunshiny smile and you can do nothing but return it, pulling him into a warm hug.

“Of course! We’ll have to hit up a karaoke bar together. You know, one that you haven’t been kicked out of.” You elbow him in the ribs playfully.

“That was one time and I told you that to bond! You can’t make fun of me!” But his smile is just as bright if not brighter and you’re really going to miss him. 

You turn to Jeongguk and pull him into a hug as well. “It was so great getting to meet you. Now I know who to call when I need to liven up a party.” 

Flashing you his signature toothy grin, he practically bounces in place. “Anytime, ___. We should definitely hang soon!” After nodding your assent, you wave a final time as he joins Hobi and leaves the platform.

Your friends hug you and tell you they’ll see you later. With a wave, you send them off until you’re left with only one other person. Bracing yourself, you turn around and face Jimin with a shy smile. Your heart gives a dull throb but you ignore it.

“So,” you both begin before collapsing into nervous giggles. God, were you always so awkward? “You first,” he smiles.

“This is it, huh,” you marvel, reminiscing over the last few days. You can’t believe just two weeks ago you two were strangers, enemies even, and now you’re… Well, you’re not sure what you are but it’s definitely an improvement from your first encounter. “Can’t believe two weeks went by so quickly…”

“I know. Seems like just yesterday I was pulling your late ass onto the train,” Jimin smirks at you and you shove his shoulder.

“Yeah and making inappropriate comments about my underwear.” You glare at him playfully but it dissolves into a smile when you see his sheepish grin. 

“I never did properly apologize for that, did I?” He scratches the back of his head and you melt at the familiar gesture. 

“Hey, no worries. We’re cool.” Silence befalls the two of you. It seems to happen a lot recently, but it’s not a bad silence, just a thoughtful one. “Thank you. For everything.”

“It was no problem, sweetheart.” There’s something lurking in the depths of his eyes but you don’t dwell on it.

“Friends?” You stick out your hand between you. You can’t discern why Jimin’s face looks so drawn but the expression disappears just as quickly as you notice it, replaced by a beautiful smile. 

“Friends,” he repeats, soft as he grasps your hand almost reverently.

You look into his eyes and you once again find yourself trapped. The seconds tick on and you can’t bring yourself to remove your hand from his. His grip feels warm and comforting. Right. You don’t know if you want to think about what that might mean.

Inhaling deeply, you finally muster up the will to let go of his hand, albeit a bit begrudgingly. Jimin looks just as reluctant but plasters a smile. You return it, confused as to why there seems to be so much tension but you figure it’s the sadness of parting. Sending a last lingering wave, you go to turn when you feel a hand grip your wrist. You turn in surprise, a question in your eyes.

“I just… I have something for you.” Jimin lets you go for a moment to pull out a small box. He hands it to you, bashful. You accept it gently and slide the lid open. Inside, is the bracelet from that souvenir shop. The black pearls gleam back at you in the fluorescent light of the station and you have the strangest urge to cry. You look up at him, touched beyond belief.

“You—”

“May I?” He gestures to the bracelet and it takes a second for you to understand what he’s asking, too caught up in his thoughtfulness, but you nod silently when you do. You’re not sure you trust your voice right now.

Jimin beams, delicately taking the bracelet out of the box and wrapping the thin gold chain around your wrist. He clasps it securely so that the pink flower just brushes the inside of your wrist. Your skin tingles where he grazes you and the warmth spreads throughout your body until you’re filled with it. You look up at Jimin, eyes shining a little and you do your best to blink them back.

“I saw you looking at it back at the shop. Figured you’d like it.”

“I love it,” you whisper and you feel like it means so much more.

“Well…” Jimin clears his throat and steps away to a more appropriate distance. You hadn’t even realized you were practically on top of him. “I guess I should get going.”

“Yeah, you— I-I should head out, too.” You don’t want him to go, you realize, but you have nothing to convince him to stay. So you let him go.

“Bye, sweetheart.”

“Bye, Jimin.”

You both back away slowly from each other, as if to extend the moment just a bit longer. He doesn’t look away from you and so you don’t either. Eventually, you have to turn around to actually watch where you’re going. When you look back, he’s gone.

There’s a lingering emptiness in your chest as you walk home, not even bothering with a taxi this time. The feeling of something missing has only worsened, and now it’s at its peak. You’re worried that you’ve missed your chance to find it and the knowledge that it might be too late lingers like an intrusive thought.

You deflate, shoulders hunching protectively as you make your way through the city. From what you’re protecting yourself from, you’re not sure. The bracelet on your wrist feels heavy, like a shackle, and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to look at it without feeling the ghost of his touch on your skin.

Just under two weeks have passed since the Eurail tour and you haven’t felt the same since.

You expected it somewhat. That’s what traveling does to you. It makes you appreciate the beauty of the world, shows you a new way of life, and changes your perspective and you never leave a new place the same as when you enter it. But the reason for this change has nothing to do with the wonders of a new country.

No, it centers on one person. Park Jimin.

It doesn’t take you long to realize what the emptiness means, to recognize the shape of the hole that has permanently taken up residence in your heart. You find yourself plagued by it at night, tossing and turning until you eventually fall into a fitful and restless sleep. 

He starts to permeate every facet of your life. It first begins with the dreams, your memories teasing you with glimpses of his round face and delicate cheeks, of warm brown eyes that seem to look right through you to your core, smoldering. Then it escalates quickly to lingering touches on the back of your hand when you know you’re alone or the bracelet on your wrist will suddenly feel too hot, like a brand, and it’s like he’s surrounding you—his arms around your waist, his scent filling your lungs, his breath cooling your feverish skin. You feel suffocated but the illusions leave you more empty each time.

Finally it gets worse; you start to see him everywhere. On your way to work, to the grocery store, to the bank—it doesn’t matter but your mind always tricks you into thinking you’ve caught sight of the familiar shock of pink hair or his signature leather jacket. Each time sends you reeling and you reach out briefly only for the haze to clear and you remember how very much alone you are. You even start to hallucinate his voice, the way sweetheart would flow so easily from his lips, a balm to your searing heart, and you think you might need to start seeing someone about this. It can’t be healthy.

Still, life goes on and so do you—for the most part anyway. You still work at the little convenience store around the corner from your apartment just to fill the time since there are no classes for you to take. You’re still waiting to hear back from schools about graduate programs but you don’t worry about it too much. You’re confident in your grades and your abilities to know you’ll be okay, it’s just a matter of time.

Your shift passes relatively quickly, time seeming even more meaningless since returning from your trip. You fiddle with your phone, shooting a quick text to Sheena confirming that you’ll see her tomorrow for dinner. You’re not really up for it but you haven’t seen much of anyone in the last two weeks and you miss her so you decide to go. 

Which reminds you, Hobi had managed to get your number and text you, asking if you wanted to go out next weekend with him and Jeongguk. You want to go but you’re not sure if you can get through an evening of them without thinking of a certain pink-haired man. Sighing, you glance at the time and note that it’s time to shut down the registers and begin closing. 

Just as you turn around the grab the money bag from underneath the counter, you hear the bell of the door tinkle open.

“Sorry,” you call, straightening as you reach for the register keys, “we’re actually clos—” Your breath catches in your throat. “Oh, god, I’m actually going insane,” is what makes it out of your mouth before you can stop yourself.

Before you stands the object of your hallucinations in all his pink-haired glory. You blink several times, hoping the image will disappear quickly. When it doesn’t, your jaw goes slack.

Jimin looks just as shocked as you do but recovers faster. Of course he does. 

“___?”

You inhale sharply, trying to focus but it’s hard when he’s right in front of you and god, you’re not prepared for this—

“Hey, hey, sweetheart, are you alright?” The nickname rolls off his tongue so easily, like a gentle caress, and a strange feeling of relief fills you. Jimin approaches the register carefully, as if worried he’d scare you away if he moved too quickly. Maybe he’s right.

Your eyes drink him in greedily despite everything. He looks…good. An orange short-sleeved shirt with white and navy blue accents is tucked stylishly into a pair of black jeans that hug his legs nicely. You feel very insecure all of a sudden in your work uniform and you duck your head shyly. Finally, you find your voice as you clear your throat and tuck a stray hair behind your ear.

“H-How are you?” You wince at how small your voice sounds. Your heart flutters so fast in your chest you struggle to catch your breath but at the same time…it’s the first time you’ve been able to truly breathe. 

Jimin’s eyes soften and he smiles that smile that makes your knees weak. “I’m good. Very good. I— Are you closing up now?”

“Yeah, I’m, yeah. If you give me, like, 20 minutes, we can head out, together?” It comes out like a question but Jimin is nodding before you can even second-guess yourself and you’re running around like a madwoman trying to clear the register and finish restocking the last box from storage. After a final cursory glance and a mental run-down of your closing checklist, you deem yourself ready to leave. You spare Jimin a quick smile, motioning him to follow you out and you close up shop. 

“My, um,” you begin, unsure if it’s too forward for you to say this but you’re tired of constantly running around in circles to avoid your emotions. It’s time to face them head-on, dammit! “My apartment is just a few blocks over if you…if you wanted to stop over for some tea?”

You hold your breath for some reason as you wait for his response. His answering smile is dazzling. “Tea sounds wonderful. Lead the way.”

You don’t remember the walk to your apartment, which is literally around the corner, ever feeling so long. You’re all too aware of his proximity, can feel the faint warmth he emanates from his body, and you find yourself too preoccupied with the way his arm brushes yours as you walk side-by-side. Neither of you speak but it’s comfortable, just like it was when you parted. Though you are anxious to see him, a sense of calm pervades deep within you and you welcome instead of ignore the feeling.

As you step into your apartment, you panic slightly as you struggle to remember if you’ve cleaned up enough while toeing off your shoes. You send a surreptitious glance around, satisfied that nothing looks too out of place as you lead Jimin into your small kitchen.

“Black or green?” you ask him, gazing up at him only to find him staring unabashedly at you. He startles, seemingly embarrassed to have been caught but does not look away.

“Black would be great.” You smile, nodding before setting up a kettle to boil on the stove before turning to him. You’re not sure where to begin but it seems you don’t have to. 

“I missed you.”

Those few simple words send a pang through your heart and any resolve you had bleeds through you as you try not to melt into the floor.

“I missed you, too,” you whisper back, scared to speak too loudly and break the beautiful tension that’s building around you.

Jimin looks down at the floor, as if the knowledge that you missed him too was too much for him. “I-I thought about you. All the time.”

You soften, shuffling closer to him where he is braced against the fridge. His eyes are swimming with that familiar tenderness and you can actually recognize it. He looked at you the same way on that morning in the inn.

“I thought about you, too.” You feel more confident now. Something about knowing that he’s just as shy and uncertain makes you relax significantly. “God, I saw you everywhere. I thought I was going crazy.”

“I dreamt about you.” He says this in a rush, as if he thinks he needs to get to words out in case you stop him. With the way you’re hanging off every word, you think it’s safe to say you’re just as eager to listen as he is to speak. “About you, about us. I— I kept replaying the moment at the train station, thinking how stupid I was for letting you go—”

“Hey, hey, shh.” You close the distance between you, placing a gentle hand on his chest. “I let you go, too. We’re both a little stupid.”

Jimin breathes a laugh, tense shoulders relaxing as he fixates on your hand on his chest. “You’re still wearing it,” he breathes in wonder, bringing his own hand up to clasp yours as he inspects the bracelet still on your wrist.

“Yeah, I— It’s my favorite thing I own.” Jimin’s eyes practically melt into yours, the warm chestnut irises looking down at you with such fondness you can’t stop the swell of affection from rising within you. You think you’re going to burst from the amount of adoration and feelings swirling around inside you but it’s pleasant. You’re buzzing with excitement, no longer heavy with what ifs. 

Jimin seems to realize how close you two actually are at the same time you do because his bright smile gradually fades as his gaze flickers down to your lips. The air stills around you and your breath hitches. Anticipation swirls in the pit of your stomach, cloying and intoxicating.

“___,” he calls and you shiver a little at the sound of your name dripping from his lips like honey. “Sweetheart, may I kiss you?”

You nod, inhaling deeply. “Yes, please.”

Beaming, Jimin grasps the hand on his chest firmer and moves his other hand to cradle your cheek tenderly. He bends his head down, brushing your noses together sweetly. Your eyes slip closed of their own accord and you wait, lips parted as you feel his breath wash over you. A beat passes and suddenly you’re kissing, those plump lips that you’ve been dreaming about for days finally on yours. A tingle passes between your lips and you gasp, mouth parting more under the soft pressure of Jimin’s. He kisses you sweet and slow, as if savoring the taste of you. You feel his fingers thread their way into your hair to hold you in place more securely and you hum in satisfaction. Your other hand is gripping the material of his shirt at his waist and you shuffle a little closer, all too eager to feel his body against yours.

You melt into each other as you kiss, hardly breaking apart for air as you suck in greedy, rushed breaths from your nose. You’re content to just stay here forever but the loud screech of the kettle startles you into breaking the kiss. You both chuckle, exchanging a quick peck before you pull away gently to turn off the stove.

Jimin is not far behind you, wrapping his arms securely around your middle once the stove is off and you’re sure you won’t burn down your apartment. You smile to yourself before turning in his arms and wrapping your own around his neck, reaching up to nose along his jaw. 

“Now where were we?” You smirk lightly against his skin when you feel him shiver beneath your hands. A rush of heat flashes through you as you think of all the ways you could have him now that he’s here, finally. 

Jimin seems to be thinking the same because the hands on your waist tighten and you hiss in pleasure. “I believe I was kissing you breathless.” It’s his turn to tease this time as he grazes down the length of your neck and you bite back a moan at the soft, almost ticklish feeling of his lips against your throat.

“Hmm, I might need you to show me again. I don’t think I was breathless enough.” The words are false of course, compounded by the fact that you are currently struggling to get enough air.

“As you wish, sweetheart.” And with that, Jimin is on you again. You sigh into his mouth, reveling in the plush feel of his lips. He swallows the sound, pressing you further against him and you practically turn to jelly in his arms. He kisses you with a passion you had only just begun to feel before you were briefly interrupted and you can feel yourself getting swept up in it. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jimin swipes his tongue along the seam of your lips in a silent question and you swear your knees buckle from underneath you. You can’t stop the moan that escapes, humming into his mouth as you open up for him. Things turn hot and heavy very quickly and you find yourself backed into your kitchen counter as Jimin positively ravages you. 

You pull back for a moment, panting and your stomach tightens as you catch a glimpse of him. Jimin looks just as wrecked as you feel, pupils blown wide in desire and chest heaving with the effort to breathe. His lips are a swollen, pretty pink mess and a desperate whine tears itself from your throat when you notice. 

Leaning his forehead against yours, Jimin closes his eyes and catches his breath. “Do you want this, sweetheart? Say the word and we can slow down. I won’t be upset.”

“It certainly doesn’t feel like you want to slow down,” you tease, rolling your hips into his where you can feel the evidence of his desire against your stomach. His answering groan has you grinning wickedly.

“Sweetheart,” he moans, panting into the skin of your shoulder as you build up a steady rhythm and you can feel him stiffen further at the stimulation. “Please, answer me.”

“Yes, Jimin, please.” You punctuate the request with a final roll of your hips, pulling his head away from your shoulder so you can look him in the eyes. “Make me yours.”

A beat. Then, Jimin lets out the most animalistic growl you’ve ever heard and your thighs clench pathetically as you feel your wetness dampen your underwear further.

“You are going to be the death of me.” Pulling you to him, he crouches slightly until his fingers are brushing the backs of your thighs. “Jump,” he grunts.

You’re hesitant but you do so anyway and he catches you, taking a moment to steady you both before busying himself with placing kisses along your jaw.

“Where are we doing this, sweetheart?” Jimin murmurs against your skin and you have to take a second to focus yourself, a haze beginning to cloud your mind.

“Second door on the left,” you manage to choke out, whining as you feel his tongue leave a wet trail along your collarbone. You hardly remember the walk to your room but you certainly feel when Jimin deposits you gently on the bed. Backing up toward the headboard, you eye him greedily as he tucks his shirt to raise it over his head. You feel your mouth run dry and you lick your lips in anticipation.

“Something the matter, sweetheart?” He’s teasing you as he crawls on the bed, stalking. 

“Not at all,” you return breezily. “Just wondering when you were gonna come over here and make me forget my name.”

“Oh, not to worry. You won’t be able to think of anything else but me.”

Lunging at you, Jimin connects your lips together once again and your hands wander over the exposed skin. You marvel at the toned muscles of his stomach, humming and running your nails lightly over them. He shudders over you, breaking the kiss to pant in your ear. You use his momentary distraction to flip you both over so you’re on top.

“My turn,” you whisper. In a surge of confidence, you grasp the ends of your shirt and practically rip it off you. Jimin stares, mouth agape, at the newly exposed skin. He seems to snap himself out of his trance because he dives in immediately, littering your chest with kisses and nips. Your hips buck against his as he moves to unclasp your bra, cupping the flesh once he’s removed the offending garment. 

“Beautiful,” he murmurs, awed. “I could look at you forever.” 

Your ears burn hotly but you try to hide your embarrassment. “You just gonna look?” 

Jimin fixes you with a look. “I plan to do a lot more than just look, sweetheart. But I am patient. Something you should learn.”

“I’ve missed you for weeks now,” you gasp as he pinches one stiff peak as punishment for your mouthing off. “So forgive me if I seem a little eager to get to it.”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” He presses a kiss over your heart and if you weren’t already a puddle on the floor you would’ve melted. Somehow the words seem to refer to more than just your impatience.

You choke on a moan when Jimin pulls a nipple into his mouth, fingers tweaking the neglected one. The stimulation has you arching into his mouth and you grind down onto his lap, reveling in the feel of him, hard and thick, under you. You shiver at the thought of him inside you.

Jimin switches then, his other hand sliding down your back to aid your hips in their movement against his. You’re sure you’ve soaked through your underwear at this point, fabric slippery as you move. Finally satisfied, Jimin pulls back, admiring the wet, flushed mess he’s made of your chest, and ventures lower. Kissing down your sternum, he gently guides you down onto your pillows. You don’t even fight him, too excited to slow him down for even a second.

“Won’t be needing these, now will you?” He tugs at the waistband of your jeans and you scramble to undo them, lifting your hips as you help Jimin tug them down and off your legs. You’re left in your underwear as your only defense against his gaze and you shyly close your legs. Jimin clicks his tongue in disapproval and places a hand on both knees. “No hiding, sweetheart.”

He makes quick work of your underwear until he’s staring at your glistening folds with reverence. You mewl as he swipes a finger down your slit, collecting the growing wetness. Jimin circles your clit and you groan, back arching off the bed as you seek more friction.

“Jimin, please,” you gasp. “Want your fingers.”

“Oh, sweetheart. Since you asked so nicely…” Jimin grins deviously before slipping his fingers down to your fluttering hole. Sinking one finger in, he allows you to adjust before thrusting shallowly. He adds another finger after a minute and curls them upward, massaging the soft spot with purpose. 

“Jimin, ah, please!”

“Patience, my dear,” he chuckles. “I’ll give you what you want soon.”

You want to yell at him to get on with it but then he sinks a third finger in and the stretch burns so deliciously that you’re rendered speechless. The sound that reverberates around the room is obscene, filthy, but you can’t feel embarrassed as the fire in your stomach burns bright with each curl of Jimin’s fingers. He dips down to swallow your whines and cries in a searing kiss and you wrap your arms around him to crush him to you, eager to feel him.

“Now, Jimin, now. I’m ready.”

“Okay, sweetheart.” Kissing your forehead, he pulls his fingers out of you gingerly before moving to remove his own pants and underwear. You watch as he revels each inch of perfect skin, mouth practically salivating as he removes the final layer and bares himself to you. He’s not ridiculously long but he’s thick and you can’t wait to feel him inside you.

You spread your legs in an open invitation but Jimin shakes his head with a smile before settling on the bed next to you. You’re confused until he pats his lap, beckoning you over. You move quicker than you ever thought you could and straddle him.

“Want to watch you. Use me as you need to. I’m yours.” He looks deeply into your eyes when he says this and you shiver at the conviction in his voice. You grab him by the base, making him hiss, and line him up with your entrance. 

“And I’m yours,” you sigh, sinking down fully onto his swollen length. The stretch burns wonderfully and you can’t help the drawn-out whine that rips itself from your throat. Jimin doesn’t seem to be faring much better.

“Oh, sweetheart. You feel so good.” He tips his head back, eyes glazed and unfocused. You’re not faring much better but you’re determined to give him the ride of his life.

Bracing yourself on his shoulders, you push yourself up and you can’t stop the cheshire grin from curving your lips when he moans softly. His hands grip your waist tightly as you begin to build up a rhythm, guiding your hips as best he can. 

“S-So good, Jimin. So big.” And you’re not just stroking his ego. The stretch has you groaning into his neck as you swivel your hips in a torturing motion. The hand on your hip tightens and keeps you moving steadily, no matter how much you wanna speed up.

“What did I say about patience, baby?” He clicks his tongue playfully and you want to wipe the smirk off his face. Purposefully, you slow down your hips even more and clench tightly, dragging yourself up and down. Jimin chokes on air as you do so.

“What was that?” You flutter your eyelashes prettily at him and he growls.

“Don’t test me, sweetheart.”

A twinge of arousal flashes through you at the thinly veiled threat and you wonder just how dangerous Jimin can get. But, you suppose, you can save that for another time. Sufficiently placated, you resume your pace, taking care to kiss and bite at his neck, his jaw—whatever you can reach. His breath stutters as you continue your ministrations and you take pride in yourself for making him react so strongly. 

Eventually your thighs start to feel tired and the fire in your core, while burning pleasantly, has dulled to a frustratingly low simmer. You whine into Jimin’s neck, begging him to let you go faster.

“Please, Jimin. I wanna cum.”

“Go ahead, sweetheart,” he acquiesces. “I wanna see you fall apart on my cock.”

His words spur you on and you begin a desperate pace, soreness long forgotten. The blunt tip of his dick nudges against the deepest part of you and you gasp as if you’ve been shocked. The pleasure begins mounting and your hips piston faster of their own accord. You feel his pelvis bump against your bundle of nerves with each drag of your hips, sending ripples of liquid heat traveling through your body.

You lean down to kiss Jimin but you can do little more than pant into his mouth, especially as he begins to buck up into you and meet your hips with every downward stroke. “H-ah, Jimin, close.”

“Atta girl, sweetheart. You’re so beautiful.” The way he whispers into your hair, as if you’re something precious, something to be treasured, sends you into another frenzy and you let out an answering cry. “Come on, cream my cock, baby. It’s all yours.”

That in combination with a punctuated thrust has you hurtling so fast into your orgasm that you’re blindsided, mouth opening in a silent scream as the pleasure overtakes you. You hear Jimin grunt as your walls squeeze him for all he’s worth and you’re suddenly desperate to make him feel just as good.

“Y-You too, baby,” you manage to choke out. “Wanna feel you.”

Jimin groans, clutching you tighter to him. “Yeah? Sweetheart wants my cum?” You nod and that’s all he needs to buck up into you mercilessly. He lasts one stroke, then two, before he’s moaning out loud, pulling you in for a desperate kiss as he releases inside you. You swivel your hips for as long as you can stand it until the oversensitivity becomes too much and you have to stop. 

You both stay there for a moment, breathing in each other as you come down from your highs. Looking shyly into his eyes, you find him looking at you with that same adoring stare and your heart throbs in response. You’re sure you look just as smitten.

“Hi,” you whisper. 

Jimin smiles and you swear you’ve never seen anything more beautiful. “Hi.”

“We’re a little sticky.” You grimace as you shift slightly, feeling the combination of your fluids leaking from inside you and onto his skin. Not to mention the thin layer of sweat that’s left on your skin.

“That we are.” He laughs goodnaturedly, fingers trailing a soothing path down the length of your back and sending pleasant tingles down your spine. “Shall we clean up?”

“Yes, please.” You wrinkle your nose at him and he laughs, kissing it lightly as he shifts. Jimin removes you from his lap so tenderly you blush under the attention despite your previous activities. 

Cleaning up turns into a full-blown shower, the two of you crammed into your small tub and taking turns under the spray as you lather each other’s bodies with soap. It’s comfortable, you realize—almost too comfortable—but you let yourself enjoy it, relishing in the feeling of wanting and being wanted in return.

Once you are clean and dressed in a thin nightgown and some sweats that you managed to find for Jimin, the two of you make quick work of changing the sheets and soon find yourself curled up around each other in a comfortable silence. You’re lying across his chest, hand clutched in his while his other arm is wrapped securely around your shoulders, holding you to him. Your thoughts wander to the Eurail trip—the trip that changed everything. You think about what would have happened if you hadn’t hadn’t been late and reached out for his hand that first day, if you hadn’t missed the train in that small-town station. You remember what Jimin had said about wanting, about finding his soul. Everything rushes back to you all at once and you can’t help the swell of emotion that rises within you.

“Jimin, I…” you begin, but you have no idea where to start. Everything feels so intense right now, so overwhelming, but Jimin seems to know exactly what you’re trying to say. 

“I know.” He says it so calmly, like he’s had time to think about this, about you, and you realize he probably has. Just as you did. You smile softly, looking deeply into his eyes as you move to cup his cheek.

“I’m sorry it took so long for my soul to recognize yours.” 

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart.” Jimin cradles your face, gazing at you fondly and you have trouble remembering how to breathe. “I found you, and I’m never letting you go again.”

© exoticarmyofcrowns 2020

[propsandmayhems]

Can you use the prompt “Can I kiss you?” with your favorite ship?

omg literally thank you sm anon because this was so much fun to write!! i got this ask and immediately started writing!!! i did blackdale which is not my fav ship ever but i just was so inspired so i hope u like 

i also posted on ao3 since it ended up being so long 

“Can I kiss you?”

Lucie Herondale x Jesse Blackthorn 

Lucie Herondale should be happy. 

For the first time in over a year, everything was going well. They had defeated Belial and Tatiana. Her brother and her parabatai were happily married. Matthew had quit drinking and was beginning to heal. She and Grace had successfully returned Jesse back to life and convinced the Clave it was done by Belial, not by their own involvement in black magic. She still had her family, her friends, her Marks, and was learning more about her powers with the help of her Uncle Jem. 

Yet there was still something missing. 

Upon his return to life, the Clave - in an uncharacteristic act of generosity - had given Chiswick House to Jesse. For the past three months, he had holed himself up in the great stone pile, working to attempt to return the grand house to its former glory. 

The first month after she and Grace brought Jesse back, Bridget had begrudgingly driven Lucie out to Chiswick House every day. She would bring all sorts of offerings - new books; freshly baked jam tarts; perfectly sharpened daggers and even a brand new sword, the blade stamped with a ring of thorns that matched the pattern on his locket, which she had ordered in from Idris. Jesse would always meet her at the front door, attempt to refuse the gift, finally accept and then bid her goodbye. That first month, he never once invited her in. 

But Lucie Herondale was nothing if not persistent. 

The second month, he continued his work on Chiswick House. One day, the carriage came to an abrupt stop in front of a newly installed wrought-iron gate. “Well, this is new,” Lucie heard Bridget drawl from the driver’s seat. Hopping down from the carriage, Lucie took in the new gate, black metal soaring up into the gray London sky. On the very top of the gate, curving bars formed the words ‘Blackthorn Hall.’

“I’ll walk up from here, Bridget,” Lucie called over, while quickly scribbling an open rune on the metal. Slipping through the gate, she made her way up the stone drive, her boots lightly crunching the rock under her foot. 

Looking around, Lucie could tell that Jesse had already made wonderful progress with the house. The front lawn was manicured and free of the overgrown weeds that had overtaken the hedges along the drive. Despite it being a dreary day, the white stone facade of the house even seemed to shine brighter. 

Lucie had made it to the door and before she could take the knocker in her hand, it swung open. Jesse stood on the threshold, black hair tumbling in front of his eyes. He was in shirtsleeves, as he nearly always was when Lucie visited. Lucie couldn't bring herself to be scandalized, since she had grown so used to seeing him in shirtsleeves in his ghostly form. He wore no tie and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone, showing the entire curve of his throat and his un-Marked skin. “I was in the study and I saw you walking up the drive…” he began, and then wrinkled his eyebrows in confusion. “Where’s your carriage?”

“At the front gate. Bridget and I stopped to admire the new gate you installed. ‘Blackthorn Hall?’” She asked, to which a blush rose up on his cheeks. It still startled her to see him with colour on his face. 

With a small smile, he nodded, “yes. Do you like it?” 

“I do,” she grinned and then held up the basket she had carried up. “I brought you scones.”

“Oh,” he said, flatly. Lucie’s smile fell, and he hurriedly added, “I don’t think I’ve ever had a scone.” 

“You’ve never had a scone?” She exclaimed. “How can you even consider yourself an Englishman?” 

He laughed - a beautiful, sonorous laugh - and then looked at her for a moment. “Would you like to come in for tea?” He finally asked. 

“I would love that,” she smiled. Jesse stepped aside to let her and the scones into the house, closing the door behind her. 

Jesse led her through the foyer and up the staircase, then down a hall and into a drawing room. Although the wallpaper and decor in the room were dated, the wood of the furniture was polished to a shine, and the dust that had previously coated the walls had been cleaned away. A fire was roaring in the hearth, battling away the dampness of the cool, November day. Above the mantle, the sword she had brought Jesse was balanced on two pegs. 

“Oh,” she breathed when her eyes caught the blade. Noticing what she was looking at, a flush traveled up his exposed neck and settled on his cheeks. “I am so glad that you like it.”

“I-” he began and abruptly stopped, his face morphing into an expression she was unable to identify. “Maybe you should go,” he said suddenly. Lucie’s face scrunched up in confusion as he stepped back from her. “If anyone found out you were here, just the two of us… you would be ruined.”

Lucie huffed. “Not like there are hordes of men knocking down the doors of the Institute asking for my hand in marriage anyways, Jesse.” 

Watching his shoes intently, he took another step backward. “Please, Lucie, just go.” 

“Fine,” she replied sharply, dropping the basket of scones on the conversation table on her way out. 

After that, Lucie did not return to Blackthorn Hall. She hadn’t heard from Jesse in nearly two months. Now, Lucie watched from across the ballroom as her parents greeted the families arriving for the annual Christmas ball. Faces seemed to blur by her - the Wentworths, the Townsends, the Pouncebys. 

Then Jesse Blackthorn walked through the ballroom doors. Lucie was convinced her heart truly stopped beating. He was dressed immaculately; all his clothes were obviously new and flawlessly tailored. His dancing oxfords were unscuffed and the black of his tailcoat was balanced by the crisp white of his waistcoat. He was a perfect picture in black and white, the only color in the entire image being the green of his eyes - which were fixed on Lucie.

When their eyes met, Lucie’s heart restarted at triple-time. All but ignoring her parents’ greetings, he moved across the room to Lucie with purpose. Too fast and not soon enough, he was standing close enough for her to reach out and touch him. But the memory of the way he had told her to leave flickered in the back of her mind. “What are you doing here?” She asked, crossing her arms across the red bodice of her gown. 

“Well, the entire Enclave is invited to the Christmas ball, and I am a member of the Enclave.” He pointed out, to which Lucie rolled her eyes. He took a small step closer to her and continued, “is there a place we can talk, privately?”

Lucie looked around. Many were watching them, as Jesse wasn’t exactly covert in making his way over to her. A small voice in her brain was screaming no, you will be absolutely ruined! You will never be married as is, you are only making it harder for yourself! But her heart was thumping out the sound of Jesse’s name. She nodded, “yes. Follow me.” 

With a relieved smile, Jesse followed her down the same hall that led to the games room and into one of the lesser-used withdrawing rooms. A fire had not yet been started in the room and the air was frigid, causing goosebumps to rise up on Lucie’s arms. After closing the door, Jesse turned to face her. In the witchlight that illuminated the room, the green of his eyes was the same colour as the canopy of trees in Brocelind Forest. “I’m sorry,” he started, moving closer to her. “I am truly sorry for the way I acted these past few months, and especially the last time you came to visit me. May I be frank with you, Miss Herondale?” 

Lucie swallowed and nodded, unable to form words. 

He took another small step closer to her. “You have permeated every inch of my mind. I see the colour of your eyes in the sky and the curl of your hair in the branches of trees. I hear your voice narrating the books I read. When I try a new food, I find myself wondering if you like it. When I manage to sleep, I dream of you. That first month… every day you came to my door and it was all I could do to not gather you in my arms, to feel your warmth. You risked everything for me - you could’ve had your marks stripped! I am not worth what you could’ve lost.” 

She stared up to him, blue eyes wide. “I knew exactly what could’ve happened to me and I chose to take the risk. Because I care about you. I care for you in a way I have never cared for anyone else.” Gathering her red skirts, she moved towards him. “I, of course, would have done the same thing for my family or my parabatai; but I feel for you in a different kind of way. I can’t explain it, but some part of me just longed to have you beside me - to be able to reach out and touch you.” Tentatively, Lucie extended her arm across what little space was left between them. Laying her hand gently over his shirt-clad chest, she felt his newfound warmth for the first time. She remembered how cold he had been when he had been a ghost. But now, the heat from his skin radiated from under his shirt, warming the chill from her skin in the frosty room. “Is this okay?” She asked, and he nodded slowly. 

“Lucie…” He began, searching her blue eyes with his own green pair. “I just fear I will never be what you deserve. I am not a man with any sort of honor. I live in a house tainted by years of demonic activity. I cannot even bear marks like a real Shadowhunter.” 

“It is not up to you to decide what I deserve,” she said. She meant to sound menacing, but her voice came out as barely above a whisper. Unblinking, Jesse reached up and caressed her cheek. 

The heat from his hand on her cheekbone sent sparks of fire all the way down to her toes. Lucie let her eyes flutter close and leaned further into his touch. He was warm, so so warm, almost burning hot. She quickly forgot the lack of fire in the room. “Can I kiss you?” He asked, thumb drifting over her lips.

“Yes,” she breathed, and in an instant, she was gathered up in his arms. The hand that had been resting on her cheek moved to cup her neck, sending jolts of lightning down her spine. Jesse partially bent down and partially pulled her up to him, connecting their lips. Lucie’s mind whirred with the softness of Jesse’s lips on hers, his hand on her neck, his other hand grasping at the silk bodice of her dress. I can finally write the perfect kissing scene! She thought with joy, then realized, wait… am I supposed to be doing something? 

Slowly, she lifted her arms up around Jesse’s neck, coming to rest at the edge of the collar of his tailcoat. Wisps of his black hair brushed against her fingers. She turned her head slightly, allowing herself better access to move her lips gently against Jesse’s without clacking their teeth together. 

Raising herself further on her tip-toes, she brought herself closer to Jesse. His hand at her waist encircled her tighter, bringing her body flush against his. Every one of her nerves was alight with the feeling of him surrounding her. His scent, his warmth, his taste. Lucie had never even considered that you would taste the person you were kissing! She had never liked the flavor of mint tea before, but she loved the way it tasted on Jesse’s lips. 

Unexpectedly, Jesse removed his lips from hers. Dipping his head down, he laid kisses along her exposed collarbone. “You are my shining light,” she felt him murmur against her skin, his breath hot and his body alive. 

She squeezed her eyes shut. She thought if she tried hard enough, maybe she could just melt into his touch and completely lose herself in the warmth of his embrace. 

A quick rap at the door of the withdrawing room caused them to spring apart from each other. “Lulu?” her father’s voice called from the other side of the door. “Are you in here?” 

 She looked to Jesse in panic and then quickly remembered that Jesse was very much visible to everyone now. However, if Will walked in and saw the state they were in, Jesse was very likely to return to his previous ghostly mode of being. “Yes, I’m here! I just came in to… fix my shoe.” 

“Cariad…” He sighed, and she could picture her father pinching the bridge of his nose. “I saw you come back here with Jesse Blackthorn.” 

“Jesse Blackthorn? I led him to the games room, you could see if he is there if you need him.” 

The door handle jiggled. “Open this door or I will.” 

Lucie looked to Jesse with a sheepish smile. He had an unreadable look on his face as he reached out to gently stroke her cheek before turning and moving towards the door. Lucie watched him brace himself as he pulled the door open, expecting to face the pure fury of William Herondale. 

Instead, her father was grinning from ear to ear, with Tessa by his side. “See, Tess, I told you! She was not visiting Chiswick House every day just to ‘lend the support of the London Institute.’”

“Papa!” Lucie threw her hands up. Jesse looked as if he was about to faint. 

Tessa rolled her eyes and waived off her husband. “Yes, yes. I always thought it would be Matthew, but you were right, as always.” 

Lucie gaped at her parents. “Were you two betting on who I would marry?”

  “Yes,” Will shrugged nonchalantly. Tessa nodded in agreement

Taking her husband by the arm, Tessa began to drag Will back towards the main ballroom. “Come along then, dear. I left Gabriel in charge of greeting the guests.” 

Will looked at his wife, completely dismayed, and then the two dashed down the hall and back towards the ballroom. 

Jesse turned to her, still frightfully pale. “Marry?”

Her mouth went dry. “I… I didn’t mean - I don’t expect -” she stammered, fidgeting under his green gaze. 

 Slowly, a smile spread across his face. “It would be my absolute honor.”

[nc7dr3am]

LILY INSTAGRAM STORY Q&A

“hello my loves!! let’s chat~~”

TAGLIST (lmk if u wanna join! it’s for all of my lily verse content, even the other oc blogs): @aqueenieme​ @moonbeamsung​​ @atinygracie @jinsoulorbitzen12​ @btshook

“how are you tonight? could we have a tmi?”

i am very sleepy. i’ll be going to bed soon, actually.. for the tmi... i’ve had three coffees today

“lily!! read any good books lately?”

YES!! i am reading ‘to live’ by yu hua and it’s very .. thought-provoking, i suppose. i’m reading it in chinese, as well, to practice. mila and evie help me occasionally if i need it. please read it!!

“nct siren!!! i’m so excited- can you tell us about hyeyoung and evie?”

i’m excited too~~!! hyeyoungie unnie is very talented at dance and singing. she is a kind and caring unnie, and she calls me her baby. she is one of my very best friends, and i rely on her a lot. evie is also extremely talented, and her voice is very unique. she is a really cool unnie and plays with me a lot. she is also one of my best friends. i love them so much🥺

i know you all will love them- support them, okay? they deserves the world.

“how is the dorm these days? honey and mr. darcy are PRECIOUS... but isn’t jeno allergic?”

yes, jeno is allergic, but you all know that won’t stop him from cuddling them .. dummie. but at least mr. darcy is hypoallergenic! honey sheds quite a bit, though .. also, i’ve actually recently moved out of the dream dorms

“GIRL WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW?? IS JIMIN NA FOR THE STREETS??”

LMAOO I NEEDED THIS BABE HAH jimin na is too much of a lil wimp for the streets. but! i live with my nct siren members now! i love it!! it was hard to say goodbye to my dreamies, but i literally see them constantly anyway

“have you been resting enough? i love your solo and your promotions but i hope you’re eating and sleeping well :((“

thank you for caring, babe!! don’t worry though, i’m okay. i appreciate your kindness more than you know.

“lily babe what smells do you associate with the dreamies? and siren?”

*answered on ten different instagram story posts, one for each member*

oh my god there’s so many of them .. mila is definitely oranges and green tea. she uses green tea lotion, but the smells just remind me of her as a person since this is what we’re basing it on

i know we’re not really doing LITERAL scents, but hyeyoung unnie uses this givenchy perfume, l’interdit. it smells floral, but with spice. she reminds me of clean laundry and roses.

evie unnie is like paint. she’s an artist, so when i smell paint, i think of her. and champagne!! floral scents remind me of her as well, but bright floral scents, not the soft ones like hyeyoung. and rain. mixed bag

jaemin oppa reminds me of clean but slightly floral smells. i think if i had to pick a smell for him, it’d be this one aloe and rose toning spray i have. lavender is also a good one for him. calming smells

jeno oppa is like a soap? yknow just the regular body soap with no added scent? it still smells good and it’s just nice and familiar. also, like when something is baking in the oven on an early morning.

fullsun is like if you’re walking somewhere nice and catch a scent of some nearby flowers and freshy cut grass. the way summer days smelled when i was a child. i also would choose honeysuckle for him

renjun oppa is like a forest? he also reminds me of the smell of books, or paper. i’d also pick a beach, but on a cloudy day and there aren’t many people around and the air. he’s like nature

jisung reminds me of the summer nights smell where you have a bonfire. do you all know what i mean? i dunno, it just fits him! and he’s like a nice fresh smell. maybe like when the air smells colder.

chenle reminds me of a pool and i don’t know how to explain that. on another note, mint. he always has a bit of a minty smell in person, too, so that’s probably why. also cologne because he has a lot of it

mark oppa really reminds me of just... that comfortable home smell? and candles? i think amber and cashmere too... those warm, comfy scents. laundry and clean hair. nice smells. he doesn’t wear cologne btw but he always smells nice

“if you can’t talk right now and are doing hot girl shit, what are you doing?”

deadass just rewatching the twilight saga

“should i get a sugar daddy”

i feel like i will get in trouble for answering this

“me love you long tim”

who’s long tim

“do you also still use l’interdit for your perfume?”

OKAY so i use it every now and then!! it’s hyeyoung’s signature smell, and i liked it so sometimes i switch it up and use that. my regular perfume is amazing grace bu philosophy. i’ve used it every day for years

“do you watch crack videos? ily”

ily too!! +yes and i ENJOY THEM it’s very much my sense of humor. johnny irritated me when he only laughed a little. i also watch edits you all make of me >:) i see a lot of czennies posts.

and yes that should scare you

“do the kitties get along with beetle? and are there any other pets in the siren dorms?”

our pets get along pretty well. honey was very hostile at first, but she got used to mr. darcy pretty quickly and they’re best friends. the cats are indifferent to beetle but sometimes they cuddle. and there’s not anymore pets yet!! well, mila has a goldfish too- she just got him and his name is bird.

“bestie i would drink your spit”

i KNOW you didn’t think i would see/respond but i’m built different

“jimin my love what should i do if my ex is trying to get back with me? he kinda broke my heart nd cheated but i still have feelings :(”

um babe he is a FLOP for breaking your heart nd a FLOP for cheating. please don’t get back with his bum ass. idc if it’s harsh- no excuse for cheating. if you trust someone with your heart and they cheat, you know they’re not to be trusted with them again. stay strong bub- i believe in you!

“lily babe your solo was beautiful shskdhs can we expect more solo/lily-written things soon?”

okay i. cannot maybe should not say anything but uh .. LOL

“jimin may i please have your hand in marriage”

okay so i definitely scrolled your account, i definitely think you are beautiful, and i am definitely in love now. also i accidentally liked an old photo gosh i seem creepy i am so sorry

but basically she said yes

“who have you texted most recently?”

*the photo for this story is the cats*

i feel like you wanted to hear a member or one of my friends but i was texting in a group chat with me and my parents. i sent them this picture of my cats, and i also told them i miss them

“ma’am what are your favorite shows”

favorite show of all time is euphoria! i also love the end of the fucking world, joe pera talks with you, the office, seinfeld, i’m now very into steven universe!!!”

“cat girl?”

maid costume is better

“what did u get johnny and jisung for their birthdays!!?”

OO yes!! he loves hats a lot so i got him a balenciaga cap. he really loved it. i also made a decorated corkboard with pictures of our members having fun. i put string lights around the frame and put pretty things on it with evie’s help

johhny is hard to get presents for because he buys whatever he wants. i ended up getting him a pair of vetements slides and a bottle of wine i know he likes. 

also!! i got seulgi unnie and i matching bracelets <3

“why is no one talking about the fact that her favorite show is euphoria oh my GOD”

hhhhhh it’s literally art. the best show i have ever seen in my entire life. a few of the other members have watched it, as well, but evie is also really into it. it made hyeyoung cry the whole time.

“favorite food and song right now? i love you you’re so precious”

i love you more, darling!! food is gyoza, but i really love all dumplings right now. my favorite song at the moment is lovely day by bill withers

“STEVEN UNIVERSE OMG tag siren as the crystal gems”

OKAY hyeyoung is def pearl, shes our mom. mila is garnet, for obvious reasons. i’m steven :D

and evie is amethyst but my mind also is saying greg universe so do with that what you will

“answer 100% honestly there’s a gun to your head who is your favorite member”

NOT JOHNNY

“will you flirt with me queen”

no problem baby :) your recent is fine as hell i’ll be in your dm’s waiting

“are you in love”

how can i not be when i am living on the same planet as you

“girl don’t be shy send us hand pics”

GUYS-

“do you have any western artists you’d like to collab with?”

it’s britney, bitch

“i really hope the dating rumors with renjun didn’t but strain on your friendship :(”

okay i actually really wanna address this because a lot of y’all have been saying this stuff, but it didn’t mess up anything. we’re adults now, we’ve known each other for years, and none of us are stupid- including the other guys. we know there will be rumors about us, it’s fairly obvious, but nothing will ever change the fact that we are all best friends, and nothing more. i’m so, so grateful for all of you that were kind, and believed me us when we told the truth. renjun and i, once again, for the people in my dm’s and asks, are not, and never were, dating. our friendship is as strong as ever, babes. 

it’s time for me to goooo, i’m sleepy! goodnight, petals! see you soon~~

[fencesandfrogs]

cloudtail’s daughter: jayfeather

alright, strap in, it's time for jayfeather. i've been holding it in on him for what feels like forever now; he's ya boy's favorite character

also, aside from dove and ivy, he's the character with the highest volume of changes to canon. even above cloudtail and brightheart, because they continue their lives, it's not a big deal. and lion and cinder go to the tribe, but like, that's it. (i'm figuring out if jay goes with them over the course of this essay. i think i said he did in holly? but he literally hasn't been mentioned once in that arc because there's a lot going on.) anyway lion and cinder don't get up to anything. but jay's priorities shift and we see that in his books. i'm really excited to write him but i need to finish arc 1 lmao.

but first, same deal as always. this is part of my cloudtail's daughter au, where dovekit and ivykit are born to cloudtail and brightheart. i don't know how well this will read preemptively, but i suspect it will be rather dependent on the others. cloudtail's daughter: dovewing and/or the long post that explains it are both good places to start, see the cloudtail's daughter tag on my blog.

[2.5k words, 14 minute read, one of the last warriors essays on this blog. i'm going to finish out with my character essays and then everything will be on new sideblog. so check out @mallowstep for more.]

section one: the leafpool business

at the beginning of this series, leafpool and jayfeather are on bad terms. they will stay on bad terms for basically the entirity of the book series. while one of my main complaints with po3/oots is the lack of acknowledgement of adoption, jayfeather has been lied to by his mother and his mentor, something neither hollyleaf or lionblaze have to contend with, and then his sister kills herself over it. obviously she doesn't, but from his perspective. so he blames leafpool because he was really close to hollyleaf and now she's gone, and it's his first real loss, and there's so much going on.

and so he's a grouch and he's unhappy and he's just trying to function when his whole support system has been dismantled over the course of what, like, a quarter moon? yeah so dovekit and ivykit are like "wow what a grouch he sucks" the same way they don't realize prey is dying of thirst & etc.

for the most part he's j chilling and then hollyleaf comes back and man is it some family drama. unfortunately it's postponed til book 4 because hollyleaf and jayfeather have journeys but anyway i'm getting ahead of myself, because this section should end and unlike the hollyleaf essay i want to actually have decent organization.

section two: hollyleaf is away (but jayfeather doesn't get to play)

holly, cinder, and dove go to deal with beavers. we only get jayfeather through lionblaze in the books, but jayfeather is...conflicted. he got his sister back and lost her again and oh i should say. i think jayfeather and hollyleaf are the closer pair of the siblings. not that they don't love lionblaze the same, but you know how cats pair bond? like, it's usually a trauma thing, but even in feral cats, you see very close friendships. anyway yeah so for other au's i've been sorting siblings n denmates into pairs for this purpose (mostly jaywing au because there's a lot re. dovepaw and jaypaw and remember they are reincarnated siblings they've got a close bond going.) and it's kind of...i don't know my point is jayfeather misses his sister because she's like, his best friend too. or she was. and then she died and now she's back and she left again, and lionblaze is more concerned about cinderheart, so jayfeather just comes off as grouchy all the time. but really he's lonely and sad.

so yeah, jayfeather is kind of moping around camp and then the tree falls and whoops now briarpaw/light is parapalegic.

and uhh this goes more or less as in canon but we don't get pov which is fine bc u can sub in canon. but jayfeather? he's still a sad boy but now he's a sad boy with purpose and that makes all the difference

yeah he's close with her. they're sweet. it's sweet. he's pressured by brambleclaw to take an apprentice. he's bristly and angry and "you're not my real father" you know?

beaver crew gets back. jayfeather, who had missed holly, is back to being angry for...angst and plot purpose, really.

but you know, when you love & miss someone and they leave and they come back and somehow that's worse because now they can leave you again? and you can't tell them you want them to stay because you're angry and hurt but you want them to stay? god i'm excited to write these chapters i love emotional turmoil.

he's protective of briarlight, he's trying to keep dovepaw from being a medicine cat, hollyleaf is apologizing but he's not ready to hear it and lionblaze and hollyleaf are beginning to reconnect and it feels like betrayal. so when cinderheart and lionblaze go to the tribe, he tags along. everyone, uh, strongly encourages he go. he is the big grouch.

section three: time travelling times

okay so the timeline for these books is...messy. if you track the chronology of my writing, it's messy. which is to say, i was thinking i could put forgotten warrior and distant whispers over the same time span, but that actually doesn't work, as i review my notes for FW because a big part of it is ivy and holly's relationship. so. fake news. whoops. that sucks.

or maybe it doesn't? idk i don't usually tell linear stories. i like messing with emotional impact of events. so writing 600k of very linear story telling is very not easy for me. but i'm trying.

right so basically the official order of events until i change my mind again is as follows (names abbreviated as DIHLJC because they're all unique): DCH returns from beavers, DILCJ go to tribe with some other random warrior undecided, J + rando return, JH start awkwardness (beginning of TFW, middle of DW), DILC return (end of DW), time travel stuff (middle to end of TFW). hopefully that was intelligble, but it is admittedly 85% for my own benefit.

alright so we've covered during beavers, now jayfeather and hmmmm let's say, uhhhh, let's say they go with, literally any interesting background character, uh, bumblestripe! he doesn't do anything in this au bumblestripe goes with them. also since his name starts w b i can still write DIHLJCB and have things be unambigious. and it means there are fewer bs in thunderclan and trust me you don't know how frustrating the existence of like 6 b characters is.

alright so we really have 3 sets of two pairs of cats here. maybe i won't go w bumblestripe, bc he doesn't have an existing relationship w jayfeather. i dunno. i'm a big fan of jay & briar, whether as a ship or just besties, but that's just out, and hollyleaf can't come a) because i said so and b) honestly maybe she can? actually wait hold on that solves my problems. hot damn so 6/6 of the pov cats go to the tribe and this will be one of the only times all six characters are plot relevant at the same time. but i'm going george r r martin on it and seperating the books not by time but into DICL + JH because they're two completely separate character arcs that happen to take place at the same time. (don't worry i'm going to resolve the fallen leaves thing. in this essay ig bc i've already covered hollyleaf.)

okay so yeah hollyleaf is sent bc jayfeather isn't planning on staying w tribe for long time. just short time. and he's all "firestar why"

"well jayfeather," firestar says, "you don't talk to your family."

"i talk to dovewing," jayfeather says

"you're not related to her," firestar says

"there's a whole prophecy about how i'm related to her," jayfeather says

"you know about that?" firestar says

and that's how the cat gets out of the bag.

so anyway. jayfeather and hollyleaf are sent because...hold on, spinning the wheel of reasons for a character to go on a field trip...because...because...because...because...jayfeather had one of those dreams. i don't know. rock or something. now he's going.

they get there, and this is where the books get a lil time wonky, bc jayfeather and hollyleaf stay for like a moon, during which jayfeather goes back in time. i think.

i haven't worked out the details and probably won't until i do an updated au synopsis because it's hard to keep track and i'm more concerned about character through lines. like, jayfeather does this and he feels sad, and hollyleaf is sad about her ghost boyfriend, and they're travelling back together, and hollyleaf is his sister and she doesn't make him feel like he needs protection and lionblaze is bad at that, and they start to talk again.

and yeah, they bond. again. it's kind of, on top of their old bond? like they don't repair anything, they bond like strangers. but it's not nothing, and that matters.

so jayfeather gets back, and we're moving into book five, and i don't remember when the last time i made a section break was or what number we're on, so...sorry.

section ???: old man yells at cloud

alright it's finally jayfeather's moment. you know, he's one of my favorite characters, and he only gets a book and a half. "but mateo," i hear you saying, "doesn't every character get a book and a half? and more importantly, 6x1.5 is 9, so how does every character get a book and a half?" well, yes, every character does, but dovewing and ivypool are relevant in books 1-3 and 6, cinderheart in 1-3 and 5, lionblaze in 1-3, and hollyleaf in 2-5 (and has a critical role in 1 and 6, just no character development), while jayfeather is just really essential to books 4-5, and has a background role in 3. that means he's about equal to lionblaze. he's equal to lionblaze. as far as the numbers go, i cannot tell you. it's a mystery.

right so the reason for this is because (a) jayfeather doesn't do that much in oots. i love him, but he's not, like, super important, and (b) he's going to work better in these books if he's concentrated. because his big theme is his relationship with hollyleaf and the past. they're both kind of stuck in it but in different ways. and that prevents them from ever properly healing. so jay never has a full arc in this. i mean he has a full arc, it's just not a satisfying one. and that means he's sort of got to be put in the containment units.

so anyway, he gets his real big moments in the fifth book, when he's reuniting starclan. i think this is one of the riskier decisions on my part: we'll see whether or not i can deliver on him the way i plan to. but i think i can pull it off so that his arc is more meaningful condensed as such.

right. so. jayfeather is decided. he is going to fix starclan. because dead cats need to get thier shit together and he dgaf.

he spends a decent amount of time arguing with yellowfang and bluestar, because basically no important cats have died. at least we're in omen of the stars so it still makes sense? i have no idea why yellow/blue are still so important. please kill more important cats. it makes us feel things.

but feathertail is also probably going to be involved, i don't know. i haven't read these books (specifically, books 4 and 5 of oots) in forever so i don't really remember what happens. but he's kind of, super done with everything. i think he'll probably try to get the support of mothwing and kestrelflight (which is canon i believe?) and try to work as a team. i feel like there's weirdness w shadowclan too i should sort out.

so yeah, there's some medicine cat bonding, everything is OK, sol is happening? but cinderheart is dealing with that. jayfeather is naturally very upset about disconnects with sol but like he's also dealing with stuff i...i really need to reread outcast and sign of the moon. well, they're on my list after "all of these fucking riverclan novels like why they don't show up in the main series but i still have to read a bunch to be able to write them that's not fair."

alright, well, with that very vague description of what happens, moving on, the prophecy gets revealed to the clans at a whole in like...the ending eighth of this book. trying to maximise the amount of exposure to other clans without messing with the pacing.

so jayfeather and undecided warrior B (definitively not hollyleaf) go to windclan. jayfeather is...very unhappy about this. he does not want to leave. thunderclan is his home, and he's blind, and it's really hard to adapt to a new space and he thinks everyone is going to treeat him badly.

and well, if you've read my culture posts, windclan is....very pro-medicine cats and pro-prophecy cats. funerals. mourning. prayer. is probably the best place to start, but to get to the meat of it, start with general clan culture. to summarize, windclan: religious. but kind of like catholics, they don't believe in an individual connection with starclan. only leaders, and medicine cats, and very rarely members of prophecies have a connection. so. jayfeather. he's twice over. that's very cool to windclan.

so cats are kind of falling over themselves to help him, and like. i mean jayfeather is a grouch and he hates that he needs someone to help him through the territory, but at least they don't treat it like a chore, or like he's pitiable. this is a desirable task. apprentices want to know about his powers. and kestrelflight is a respected part of the clan, arguably more important than onestar, and jayfeather has never really gotten over being shoved in the healer hole as a child like it was lesser or easier to be a medicine cat, and so it's a big change.

and yeah. so i mean. an unobservant reader might say jayfeather has sufficient ego. he does not need stroking. they, of course, would be wrong.

jayfeather has a complex, but it's not an ego issue. he's...he's been denied everything he's wanted, and he's jaded, and weary, and he's never really believed that his clan views him as able and equal. in canon, at present, he's lost almost every cat he's every cared about. alderheart is his strongest remaining tie, and his fear at losing him, but willingness to let him leave, is very telling.

so yeah, jayfeather enjoys being accepted. anyone would. he doesn't really have confidence issues, but....argh. i know why this is good i swear it'll come out in the writing.

anyway, that's...that's pretty much it. jayfeather? done.

[welllpthisishappening]

Okay can we talk about ACOSF???? Bc on booktok all I’m seeing is so much negativity about how people don’t like feysand or don’t like nesta but?? I read this book, loved it, thought nesta grew SO much and we got to see feysand from a different POV which gave them depth! Plus a baby!!! I can talk about it forever

We can absolutely talk about ACOSF. I have thoughts, feelings, opinions and this is going to get long. And, uh, any of those super negative critiques:

Alright, alright, alright, so initial feelings? I enjoyed it a lot. Like, way more than I thought I would honestly because going in I was like eh, Nessian, but I loved Nesta’s character development and the flirt-to-roast ratio with her and Cassian and every single time Cassian called her Nes or God help me ARCHERON, my soul reached another plane of existence. Don’t even get me started on that one time she called him General. The noise I made was not audible to human ears. 

That said, there were some parts that I was like: oh ok, that’s happening. So, because I cannot function without organization, let’s break down some of the major things that happened into a LIST WITH OPINIONS ATTACHED

Sexual Tension Fucking fuck, these two idiots. Pining after each other while both desperately wanting someone, anyone, to be like — please stay in bed and cuddle me all night?!?! Idiots. Both of them flush with power and the ability to make people legit terror before them and they’re so goddamn soft with each other. Which is kind of hysterical because they are also able to rip each other to shreds? Oh my God, some of those fight scenes, I just—my heart was in my throat. And I do not want to hear a single word of how CASSIAN IS MEAN TO NESTA? Were we reading the same book, internet? Bro is In Love. From the G E T. 

Which leads us to—

S O L S T I C E  God, rip my romantic-loving heart out of my body. Learning what was in the box from the solstice before made me screech and then the music. THE MUSIC. Can we talk about Cassian, feared general, dude who has canonically lost track of how many people he has killed, cornering an ENTIRE ORCHESTRA to recreate music for Nesta? I just—f u c k. It was a lot. A lot. And then we circle back around to how soft they were and there’ll never be another and I am going to have to pace around a bit. I loved it. I love them. I nearly screamed when it took Nesta a few more chapters to realize it was a mating bond, and then Cassian just bolted because he also couldn’t quite deal with it, and I am still not super sold on the mating bond, like, as a thing, but I kind of went into this book pretty certain this was going to happen, so...good. Also them arguing by the Sidra, oof. 

There was a lot of sex in this book. I knew there was going to be a lot of sex in this book. I must have told my husband four different times, “God, there is a lot of sex in this book.” Some of it was good. Some of it was kind of cloying in its descriptions. I genuinely lol’ed at Nesta fantasizing about being straight up railed by both Cassian and Azriel. (Why was that in there? Still don’t really know, felt a lot like very obvious fan service, but it was also kind of hysterical.)

JEALOUSY DIDN’T MAKE ME WANT TO RIP MY EYES OUT I hate jealousy plots. HATE THEM. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves in relationship writing, but I was super into it here??? Cassian cutting in on the dance and TAKING DANCING LESSONS. It was good. I enjoyed it. 

Nesta’s Power Yo. YO. This was really cool. She was terrifying and out of control, while also learning how to be in control and intimidating and I was like YES, GET IT. When Rhys flew into the House and Nesta was just wrapped in silver flames, that was super cool. Also Rhys being freaked out by her? Kind of bad ass, honestly. But. But! I wish it was explored even more. I wish we got to learn what she could really do and the extent to which she could do it, because I thought it was a fascinating possibility to parallel Nesta to Feyre and I don’t really think we got that. Like, Feyre Cursebreaker — with power given from all the High Lords, this bringer of new life and a fresh start for all the courts. Then her sister — with power stolen from the Cauldron itself and death at her fingertips. With all the comparisons of Feyre and Nesta, I really figured we’d be gunning towards that eventually ESPECIALLY with Feyre being pregnant, and the idea of life in that capacity. Also, what was the point of Lucien saying “Gods help you all” or whatever he said when he was watching Nesta train if...nothing ever really came from that? We’ll circle back around to that in a second, during what will be my ending-based soliloquy, but first let’s talk about—

Feyre Being Pregnant, Why That Kind of Felt Like Twilight and Why I Get Why Rhys Was Being an Idiot Listen, part of the reason I wanted to read this book was for what I assumed would be the Feysand crumbs we’d get. Most of me was convinced that this book would not take place in Velaris and I was mentally prepared for that. Color me pleasantly surprised when it wasn’t and we got an IC feast. But. But! Part two! I’ve mentioned how I’m never really here for...pregnancy being like this ultimate endgame, and I understand why Feysand wanted a kid and I get it, I do. Just the whole thing with she’s going to DIE felt very Bella Swan, was kind of dramatic in mela-sort of way and I TOTALLY GET WHY RHYS KEPT THE WINGS A SECRET. Was it idiotic? Yeah, of course. But I don’t think we talk about his trauma enough, really. Those fifty years under the Mountain are not just gong to disappear, and I cannot really blame him for totally losing his mind at even the idea of Feyre dying. This is not a dude who is trying to control Feyre. I’ve never felt that way about Rhys. At all. This is a dude who has already lost ALL of HIS control and is desperately trying to hang on. He’s already had his entire world shattered six ways to Sunday, this was obviously going to destroy him. Aside from, y’know, straight up killing him too. (That was dumb, guys.) And I think telling Feyre would have made it REAL for Rhys, which he obviously could not cope with. Was I surprised that Feyre’s pregnancy was such a big plot point in a book that was supposed to be super Nessian focused? Yeah, for sure. But also—I like established relationships and Feyre and Rhys could not stop making eyes at each other. Not totally here for the deadly pregnancy trope, not totally here for using family as a trauma recovery, but sort of understand it. 

Training, Valkyries and Friendship Bracelets Like I said, I thought this book was gong to take place in the Illyrian camps way more than it did, but I L O V E D the training sessions. Adored Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn’s friendship and how often they teamed up to snark Cassian and Azriel. I was painfully here for all three of them together and the sleepover in the House warmed the cockles of my cold, dead heart. Especially when the bracelets proved so important during the Blood Rite. Which—let’s talk about the Blood Rite. Didn’t expect that!! Was pleasantly surprised by that!! Nesta drawing the literal line in the dirt made me fist pump the air. (And is another parallel to Feyre and her taking inspiration from old Fae legends, but that’s neither here nor there, whatever I’m not here to harp on missed opportunity.) I thought it was really important that all three of them got to showcase their own power too, and how they worked SO WELL together and I was just really glad that there was such focus on this sisterhood outside of literal sisterhood. I thought those relationships were so well done and it was just such a joy to read about their growth and strength and I loved them. Am I here for Gwyn and Azriel? Maybe. Possibly more here for Emerie and Mor? Maybe maybe. 

The House I thought it was Amren, for a very long time. Like secretly helping Nesta still and I was really into that idea and really into Amren not being able to totally let Nesta go and I wasn’t really into Nesta bowing to Amren. 

THE ENDING Oh my God, so much happened. So quickly. With some occasionally jarring scene cuts. The Blood Rite surprised me, but I was not surprised by Cassian getting ensnared by the crown. Fully expected something like that to happen, was still making ridiculous noises when he tried to turn the dagger on himself instead of killing Nesta. LOST MY MIND WHEN NESTA UNMADE THE QUEEN. I’m still sort of...confused about the Trove, though. I know there are a fair number of hanging plot threads that are gong to lead into other stories, but I just—I don’t know, when they were talking about the High King and everything I sort of thought they were leading towards Nessian being that. I know the whole IC was very into Rhys and thematically it made sense, but also let’s consider—I don’t want that? Rhys needs to get his shit in order and his own Court to calm the fuck down and again I think the potential for LORD OF THE BASTARDS and LADY DEATH to ascend to this position of power and lead the world into this new era was there and I just, I don’t know, I liked the idea of it. Particularly when so many people have referred to Nesta as a Queen. That whole thing in the prison happened, y’know? I’m not sure (read: I’m fairly positive) that won’t happen now, especially because Nesta gave up so much of her power to save Feyre. And I know that’s a TALKING POINT™ but also...I was pretty cool with that? Once it came out that Feyre was going to die, it made sense that Nesta would be the one to save her—to twist death again, and kind of seize control of it. Granted, I’m still a little confused by the Trove and what everyone’s going to do with all that power, but Nesta saving Feyre was this perfect sort of wrap up. For me, at least. I think they balance each other out in a lot of respects, and that was really the last step of Nesta’s growth. Also, uh, back on my Feysand ‘ish and Rhys screaming and crying and trying to get to Feyre? o o o f. Also, also, RHYS BOWING TO NESTA. I CANNOT TELL YOU THE LAST TIME I CRIED AT A BOOK, BUT I CRIED AT THIS BOOK. RHYS, BABY, I ADORE YOU. 

Nesta Finding Herself I just really—liked it. I think sometimes in these sorts of stories we get people who are so focused on characters being “the bitch” and having an edge and we have a tendency to think that’s what makes them STRONG. Nah, that ain’t it, son. I don’t want to read about someone being a dick just for sake of being a dick. Nesta was NOT IN A GOOD PLACE. She was self-imploding and destroying herself and getting her POV made it blatantly clear that she thought she deserved that. That she truly believed she didn’t deserve anyone else. And as much as the romance was good and the friendships were fantastic, the key to this story was Nesta (as cheesy as it sounds) learning to love herself. To find worth in her own self. Reading about Nesta simply learning to want to live again, for no one except herself, was really, really good and I think, for the most part, well done. Which is why it makes sense that Nesta gives up some of her power. This isn’t about being A BAD BITCH, PATENT PENDING. This is about love, and joy and embracing your own faults. I get the disappointment over Nesta losing her power. I do. But I’m not sure she totally did? Maybe that’s too positive, or too naive, or something, but...whatever. 

Other things that I really enjoyed, include but are not limited to: Cassian having allergies Nesta absolutely decimating Tamlin. And Tamlin’s just like...a lion all the time now, huh? And, uh, also is Tamlin Gwyn’s dad??? Like, is that a thing? Am I crazy?  Nesta telling Elain to fuck off (Also, Elain—darling, I wish you got more character development. Elain is to SJM what Belle is to me in CS fic. Sometimes I think she just forgets about her.) Azriel calling out Cassian for getting BLOWN at the dining room table Azriel getting Nesta a Solstice gift and then THEY HUGGED Nesta wanting an over the top mating ceremony. Get it, girl.  Feyre going full on Court of Nightmares in the Hewn City Nesta making it down the steps

Other things I thought we’d get more of and just...didn’t Whatever the fuck Lucien has been up to, and more on the continent with Vassa and Juran More stuff in Illyria Reaction to the trio in the Blood Rite Amren and Nesta reconciling. I know Nesta apologized, but Amren kind of got on my nerves.  Nesta understandably criticizing the IC and their tendency to get a little sanctimonious.  THREE SISTER PEAKS. THREE BAT BOYS. THREE VALKYRIE. WHAT IS IT SARAH? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 

[tourmvlines]

alright gang, finally got my shit together long enough to write this bad boy up. yes, her blog is still ugly so look away ❤️ anyway, first things first, i’m jo, i’m twenty-one, i’m in pst, and i’m very excited to be here 😌 check below the cut for more info on miss sloane because my app is too much of a mess to be linked :p thank u for ur time

[ COURTNEY EATON, CIS FEMALE, SHE / HER ] shh ! sloane jennings, the twenty year old second year public health major from chicago, illinois, is known as a tourmaline around here. she was invited to join because of her versatility and her academic record, and now, they’re here to stay. she reminds me of a cigarette tucked behind your ear, sitting on the rooftop to watch the sunset, & wishing on dandelions.

pinterest .  statistics .  connections .

basics.

full name: sloane alice jennings    birthday: june 13th, 2000 astrology: gemini sun, scorpio moon, libra rising mbti: enfp-a, the campaigner positive: adaptable, intuitive, loyal negative: flighty, naive, hedonistic

about.

click here for sloane’s full bio.

sloane was born to pepper liu and dinah jennings, lesbian activist icons of their day who mostly lived by allowing the wind to move them. they made friends everywhere and for the first years of sloane’s life, they bring her with them everywhere

eventually, pepper and dinah settle down and decide to live somewhere permanent for sloane’s sake and so she could go to school somewhere. they decide on san francisco, california, a city that’s near and dear to them. unfortunately, they die in a fire before sloane can ever start school

after that, sloane is sort of passed around old friends of pepper and dinah, a series of unfortunate events style. the key difference however is that there is never any doubt that sloane is so deeply loved. everywhere she goes, she’s always well taken care of

they always tell her stories of her mothers and it’s never a case of sloane feeling abandoned or like she’s been struck with bad luck just because she’s raised so well

in high school, she does a million extracurriculars. she tries water polo for a little bit, she was in a band for the last two years of high school, she literally does SO much community service, she tries everything because she’s genuinely interested in everything

most of her motivation for college was because of her mothers’ desire for her to do something good with herself because otherwise she never would have gone but she applied and she got into strathmore! 

on the society: she honestly never even knew about the society until she got the invitation because it’s just not something that would be on her radar, but now that she’s in it, she sees how much good it can do for her. that doesn’t mean she takes it as seriously as other people do but she’ll go along with all their bells and whistles.

personality. adaptable, intuitive, loyal, flighty, naive, hedonistic

a lot of my inspiration for sloane comes from the concept of angels doing unholy things and this post in particular, not every single bullet point, but you get the gist.

i think sloane’s most defining character trait is her ability to adapt. her mothers were never able to stay in one place for very long making friends everywhere they went, and so all of sloane’s guardians came from everywhere. she was raised with a tremendous amount of care and love just because dinah and pepper were so loved, so moving around was never that much of an issue. she’s always been able to make the best of her situation and has always found ways to make homes no matter what city or town she’s in.

one of the things about sloane is that she’s never been alone. she was orphaned before the age of ten, but the friends of her mothers have taken a lot of care in making sure that she’s never felt lonely. relying on people and having a sense of community is so essential for sloane wherever she goes. it’s one of the few things she appreciates in the society.

going off on that, people have looked out for sloane her entire life and i think that’s a large part of the reason why she chose her major. it was important for her to do something that would allow her to serve her community and improve it. she’s never really cared that much about fame or wealth or whatever, but she’s always cared about people and doing good by them. a lot of her upbringing was about making do, making your voice heard, standing by your people and these are lessons she carries with her everywhere

just another thing to say that i do think the way she was raised has made her more trusting of people in general and can make her a little naive because she operates under the assumption that, more often than not, people look out for others when that isn’t always the case

that isn’t to say that she doesn’t know how to be alone, however, because she does and she’s honestly really good at being alone. people in her life made sure she knew she wasn’t alone and sloane has always been very aware of that, but the fact still stands that she’s an orphan. sloane has always been content with being on her own. even if she stayed with people who had kids her own age, she of course made fast friends with them but would also spend a lot of time on her own just because she is a little strange. 

i do think there’s a sort of scrappy charm to sloane. she isn’t rough around the edges but she isn’t all prim and proper either. there’s something very weathered about the way she carries herself, like she’s already seen the whole world and experienced so much. and in a lot of ways, she has tbh

i guess one of the other things is she’s sort of… strange? in the most approachable way possible. sloane truly walks to the beat of her own drum and does whatever she likes but the fact that she’s so unapologetic about it and so open about it makes it easier to befriend her. strange in the sense that she’s superstitious, doesn’t really have a filter, and generally doesn’t follow trends of any sort. like i hate typing that because i don’t mean for her to be a ‘i was born in the wrong generation’ type of girl but i just think she can be a little intense sometimes LMAO

i know i’m circling back, but i think a large part of why she’s so adaptable is because she doesn’t do much changing between places. like her core is unwavering and she makes space for herself, but she knows how to read people and that is what changes. the way she treats and interacts with people changes based on how she sizes them up and she’s pretty good at sizing people up so they tend to feel more comfortable with her

despite sloane being unapologetic about her life, i do think she tends to be more on the private side. like yeah, she doesn’t hide anything about the way she acts and doesn’t water herself down for people but it’s rare for her to talk about herself for too long. she’s more likely to ask people questions during a conversation and ask about them without really giving anything away herself

headcanons.

has been smoking cigarettes since she was super young after she stole a pack from her guardian at the time at the age of 12, is most definitely going to die of lung cancer

she used to play bass in her band in high school because she’s cool and sexy

superstitious. avoids cracks on the sidewalk, throws salt over her left shoulder, carries a rabbit’s foot, the whole deal

kids love sloane. they always have. even babies always take a liking to her even if she’s a stranger. the one who can always get the fussy baby to calm down and sleep

loves abba!!!! mamma mia is her dream broadway show like it feels like something she would come up with

always fidgeting or shaking her leg or playing with her hair, like literally cannot sit still for the life of her and has always been super restless

so extremely punctual that it surprises most people. sloane seems like the type to always be late to things but quality time is her love language, so she always always shows up to things on time because she never wants to miss out. this is more about her seeing people, but it does carry over to other commitments because time is so precious to her

spends a lot of her time doing community service. she believes in helping people okay! every winter, she cleans out her closet as best she can and hands out coats or blankets to people on the streets. even if she’s never had much, this is pretty important for her. she almost always tries to spare some change when she sees homeless people. 

she volunteers at the hospital because she’s a health major but she also just loves hanging out with the babies

her favorite picture is of she and her mothers at a protest when she was five years old. she’s sitting on pepper’s shoulders and she’s missing a tooth. dinah’s kissing pepper on the cheek, and they all just look so happy. 

she’s got three piercings on each ear and a cartilage piercing in her left ear; she loves jewelry and earrings and changes them frequently

she wears whatever she wants or whatever’s comfortable; like it honestly just depends on her mood but she DOES wear her docs often and with anything she can think of because they’re her favorite pair of shoes

some favorites !

movie: kiki’s delivery service

tv show: community, freaks & geeks

book: normal people

season: spring

color: green

[virtuemoired]

do a deep dive into “you raise me up” Kobe 2018 i dare you!

thou asked, thou shalt be given. buckle in ladies, bc u r in for a wild ride! welcome to why you raise me up is quite frankly one of the greatest gifts i’ve ever been given.

firstly, i advise u to watch this video FIRST, since this is unrightfully one of their more underrated programs and obviously NONE of y’all watch it on the daily so here’s a refresher:

here we go!

the first notes of the angelic “you raise me up” start playing, and our star crossed lovers are NOWHERE TO BE SEEN. but then- you see the shadows of two figures start to skate out from opposite ends of the rink, and you just KNOW history is about to be made. they slowly make their way towards the centre of the rink AND EACH OTHER, and when they finally touch, all is right in this world. and we are only 20 seconds in. 

first up, we have the iconic lift which if u know me, is my FAVOURITE CHOREOGRAPHIC ELEMENT OF ALL TIME. we started from jack & diane and now we’re here and honestly, i’m crying tears of JOY bc this one’s for me. 

next, we have latch choreography, and i know the haters are going to scream, “but this is RECYCLED choreo, how could it POSSIBLY be any good?” to which i say 1. r u literally forgetting that tessa and scott had an UNDEFEATED season with latch choreography? 2. if u r gonna complain about latch, do NOT come for the incredible, showstopping latch pause™️ in it’s full glory and 3. it is timed perfectly with the music and i will NOT stand for such slander!!!!

moving on, we see them do 1.5 crossovers, but those crossovers are the BEST crossovers i have EVER seen. they transition into my next favourite choreographic element and the only flaw is that the camera angle does not do this MASTERPIECE justice, but i digress. do u see how he picks her up when the word “silence” is sung and places her down EXACTLY when the singer says the word “come”??? and even though this is a LIVE singer, that will NOT stop mr scott patrick moir from being the best ice dancer in the entire world.

more crossovers, and i am already full on SOBBING. what’s more they do it WHILE LOOKING INTO EACH OTHER’S EYES and along with the MUSIC as we hit the chorus. when he sings “you raise me up”, their SOULS intertwine and scott lifts her up as “i can stand on mountains” is being sung, and u know what? scott moir let tessa virtue stand on his thighs with knives on her feet for 22 YEARS so yes, i DO think that this is a ~mowment~ for the history books. 

scott spins her in a circle and when the singer says “walk” he extends his leg out which is so EXTRA but so GOOD. then “seas” is being sung, and scott tosses tessa up in the air and catches her RIGHT ON THE PIANO KEY, setting her down on the beat. as paul macintosh said u simply cannot teach this!!! and tessa’s ARMS go together with the music so well, esp when “strong” is being sung, hopefully in the next 10 years we will have those harry potter moving picture frames so i can hang this moment above my first born’s crib.

now comes the part about this video that i absolutely LOVE because they fade their skating footage w the video of the singer and i am hereby declaring that ALL subsequent ice shows w live music should be filmed like that!! 21 summer i am looking at u!!! this is having ur cake and eating it too it is the BEST OF BOTH WORLDS and i am forever INDEBTED to the genius who came up w this idea, probably my lord and saviour the nhk photographer. back to the program. they change dance holds like 3 times, but u don’t even REALISE it bc u r so entranced by their beauty and their grace. also they do it while maintaining EYE CONTACT like HOW oh my god legends only.

we know the iconic goose lift is coming bc the chorus is about to hit and virtuemoir are the most DRAMATIC ice dancers to ever walk the face of the earth. and of course there’s a lighting change bc why NOT. i say, go big or go home, and do it exactly when “you raise me UP” is sung just for the brownie points. next is recycled latch/moulin rouge/long time running choreo and all PERFECTLY TIMED!! they simply DO! NOT! MISS! A! BEAT! and this is the only acceptable way to use recycled choreo, next.

they stay true to the original choreography bc he does a double twizzle even though this ISN’T a competitive skate but scott moir said you will GIVE ME THAT LEVEL 4 for a double twizzle i WILL hit those level features and i felt that in my bones.

v/m really said we will give u all ur fav programs bc they do the final lift from stay and scott lifts tessa on his shoulders as the singer sings “strong”, which is like, such a power move on his part. also completely on brand, bc the full lyrics is “you raise me up when i am on your shoulders” AND TESSA VIRTUE IS LITERALLY ON HIS SHOULDERS, not a misstep in sight.

it is just so pleasing to me that every time the singer sings “you raise me up” they do a lift which is so on the nose and i am LIVING. case in point: he lifts her up on the words “more” bc he is irrefutably declaring that he will take tessa to heights greater than himself. but then before the line finishes he dips her and circles her around and then u REALISE that they are BOTH singing this to EACH OTHER. they are both raising each other up to more than they can be. love that for them.

before the singer sings “you raise me up” one last time, the piano hits one last dramatic key and on that key scott twirls tessa in a circle and this just brings back memories of tessa saying “he is the melody and i am the piano” which hits different, yknow? and to top it all off, in their final lift, they do it exactly in time with the music, when will your faves EVER?

finally, they gaze longingly into each other’s eyes, and i’m JUST saying that if u end off ur performance like this, u give me no CHOICE but to embrace it with open arms. scott whispers “good job” to her, and this image lives in my mind rent free.

bc this is a dare, i am compelled to give u more evidence to substantiate why this performance is one of their best, if you aren’t already convinced. first up, their COSTUMES. if you’d read my top tessa costumes post, then you would know that this is in my honest opinion tessa’s BEST costume, so you raise me up is already looking promising in my book. but then, we have scott moir wearing his carmen costume that he loves oh so much, like seriously, i don’t think he’s reworn any costume more than this one, and i completely 100% understand why. this is long time running!Scott (which is the BEST scott) and carmen!Scott combined, but with the vibes of latch!Scott, so really, we WON with this program, need i say more? this is like what i envisioned everything would be in my dreams, but it was so much better than that. v/m literally raised me up to more than i could be with it.

[nolookfive]

i know that it’s worth the ride

76. “I want to go home.” married domestic fluff pleathe!!!! maybe things get too much for a pregnant amy at shaw's/a party or something!!

miss emma @fourdrinkamy i went a slightly different way but i hope u still like it!!!

Amy is in hour eight of active labor when she tells Jake she’s had enough.

“I know you’re tired babe, but-“

“No, no buts, you cannot ‘but’ me when I’m in this stupid hospital bed, feeling like a walrus, getting stabbed to death,” she snaps, before her face scrunches up from the feeling of another contraction ripping through her body.

Jake rubs her arm soothingly, his other hand holding a cold compress against her forehead. He watches her grunt in pain, feeling completely helpless while he tells her to take deep breaths, no longer giving her a reaction when she tells him to shut up for the hundredth time (he stopped being offended after the fifth time when he remembered she was literally in the process of birthing their child).

He takes a minute to let his mind wander back, back to all the times Amy would come out of the bathroom with a negative pregnancy test, back to when she told him she was done trying, back to the devastation in her voice when she told him “I really wanted to start a family”. The way he held her that night, after they got home from Shaw’s and he showed her how much he truly loved her, hugging her close as she fell asleep(he generously let her be the little spoon), letting the exhaustion of the past few months take over her. He remembers turning off their alarms set for 6:14am, staring at the ceiling for two more hours, trying his hardest to ignore the nagging at the forefront of his mind. When?

Then he remembers the pure unadulterated joy he felt the day Amy pulled him into the evidence lockup, the tears streaming down her face when she held up the test and it was finally, finally positive. He remembers the first time they heard the heartbeat, the bet they made on whether or not it would be a boy or a girl, and the day Amy decided she didn’t want to find out because “everything about our relationship has been a surprise, I don’t want to give that up”.

He’s brought back to reality when Amy finally exhales, leaning back against the pillows and opening her eyes, now watery from pain. “Fuck,” she breathes, “that one was horrible.”

Jake takes the ice pack off her forehead, setting it down on the tiny side table between the bed and the delivery monitor. “You’re doing amazing though, babe.”

She gives him a tired smile. “You’re can’t distract me. Pack my bag, we’re leaving.”

“Yeah, you definitely look like you’re in the position to go home,” Jake says sarcastically, giving his wife a gentle nudge when she tries to sit up. “Come on, Ames, you know we can’t leave until there’s three of us.”

“I know,” she sighs, her left hand coming to rest on top of her swollen stomach. “I’m just so uncomfortable. I wanna go home to our bed and sleep for the next ten years.”

“Hate to break it to you, but I don’t think either of us are going to get any sleep for the next eighteen years,” he reminds her, his hand covering hers.

“Yeah, this kid’s going to take us for a damn ride.” She looks up at him, her eyes now full of something soft, longing. “I can’t believe they’re going to be here soon.”

“Yeah,” he replies, giving her a cheeky smirk. “You’re hoping for ‘soon’ real bad, huh?”

She knows he can read her like a book, resisting the urge to rip his hand off his arm when another contraction starts up. “Soon better be real fucking soon,” she growls, her eyes squeezing shut.

‘Soon’ is five hours later, when her tiny baby girl is snuggled against her chest and her husband is squished on the hospital bed next to her, and the thoughts of all the failed tests and scheduled sex are buried far in the back of her mind and now, with Jake pressed against her side and their daughter fast asleep, she really can’t wait to go home.

[rigelmejo]

Idk if anyone’s studying French but googling Merlin saison 1, buffy contre les vampires saison 1, dailymotion will be there for u with the whole show dubbed (which is good listening practice for my ass that can read ok but barely follow listening)

Also any French show recs? Particularly modern fantasy or sci fi? Or detective/mystery?

—

On the Listening Reading Method front i have HIT A SWEET SPOT. FINALLY. Months of trying and I found a way to do it more conveniently and in a way much more doable if you like me cannot fucking focus for long periods.

Step 1: read the chapter in a language you fully understand (or some chapters ahead so you don’t have to do this as much later, or the whole book). Aka read in your native language (or a language you understand well) to get context. This is L1 language. You don’t have to do this if it’s a book you already read once and remember well, and you don’t have to do this right before you do the rest (if you can remember the overall context you’re good even if there’s a month between this and the other steps etc).

This is obviously tolerant of breaks - read however you like, just get some context.

Step 2: listen to target language (L2) audiobook, while following target language (L2) text.

Ideally, this is where you might read it in the target language if you can keep up with the audio. If you are reading digitally then a quick popup dictionary will benefit you (if you want to comprehend what text you’re following along and need the dictionary). Alternatively if you have a parallel text next to each other - that also helps if you want to look up a word. But word lookup isn’t necessary.

I’ve been doing this either in Pleco - just clicking a word as desired, or by looking at an online parallel text (bilinguis.com works amazing). Both of these options work very easily IF YOU GET AUDIO THAT MATCHES TEXT. The key here is FIND MATCHING AUDIO AND TEXT.

I can’t emphasize how much easier Listening Reading Method is when the text and audio MATCH. Mine FINALLY match and it makes my life so much fucking easier.

Ideally if these match you will find this much easier: audio starts and ends at same time chapter text starts and ends (seriously this is the biggest thing). The audio ideally does not shorten/omit sections of text (however you can adapt if it’s only small changes like a few missing sentences/changed phrases in a while chapter). The text is the same as the audio generally (not edited text - I tried to use the print text guardian with the audiobook based on the webnovel and wayyy too many sections were different it was too hard to follow). If you can find a source where everything (except maybe a few sentences/phrases) are the same, it will be much easier. It will be so easy you can start and pause whenever you want - breaking L R into 5-10 minute chunks if you like me can’t fucking do something too long without breaks. If the text and audio match very well, it is much easier to just pause the audio, notice the place u left the text, and come back to it.

Step 3: follow along with your L1 text (native language/language you understand) while trying to understand the L2 target language audio.

How to make this easier: if you have Pleco, simply click the dictate text button. It will popup every definition as it reads it. I actually find I practice LISTENING skills more when during this step I don’t look at the Chinese text much (because when I look at the Chinese I start tuning out the audio more). I have noticed I can often predict what the word means before I actually see a definition. Also in Pleco since it’s word by word, you don’t spend time figuring out the place in the English text the audio corresponds to - the audio dictation tool highlights the Chinese it’s reading constantly. For me, constantly following along to the Chinese text (or French if doing it for french) makes this step much easier. Alternately: use a parallel text, and glance at L2 target language text whenever you get lost/it gets hard to follow where you’re at. Simply having the target language L2 to refer to makes it so much easier to NOT get lost when listening.

Tools that make L R easier:

Literally look up on YouTube “audio target-language” and “target-language text.” Do it. Make your life easier! There’s a lot of them on YouTube that have for example both Chinese and English text on screen, Chinese audio. All of the work is done for you - you don’t have to keep your place in a text, you can pause and continue whenever! Even if you can just find target language audio-text, makes life much easier that someone else set it up for you.

Also japanese audiobooks sometimes have auto captions which are decent enough.

If you’re doing a Chinese book, get on ximayala app you might find well a matching audiobook. Youtube may also have a decent audiobook (also try bilibili i just found an unofficial 天涯客 audiobook - also tbh sometimes with Chinese the unofficial audiobooks will match chapter beginning/ends better than official ones but it depends).

For text, try bilinguis.com. While the selection of stories is small, they have very convienient parallel texts (which makes keeping yourself from getting lost easier). I was easily able to find audiobooks on YouTube or ximayala that would match the bilinguis texts.

Bidireader, a tool I linked the other day, can generate parallel texts if you can copy paste the texts in. Again, makes it so much easier to not have to focus so hard if you have a parallel text and can glance at the target language to keep yourself from getting lost.

Screen Reader tools - if you have a phone/computer, you may have a screen reader tool to read audio on screen aloud. Not ideal, but will work if you just want some audio practice with text you see and can’t get an audiobook to match it! Also Idiom app can read text aloud.

I mentioned above - I just use Pleco app dictation to do step 3, so that’s my step 3 audio. It’s not as good as the audiobook! But for quickly giving me a chance to match audio to definition, it works fine. Sort of like using a textbook with very stilted audio/just a pronunciation guide (Pleco), and a natural audiobook. It works fine. If you can find a parallel text, you can technically just do some computer generated audio (Idiom app, Pleco, Screen Reader, etc) and look at the L1 language for step 3 (if you absolutely can’t find an audiobook that you like that matches and want to use that text).

—

Notes:

Native audiobooks do sound so much better than generated audio, so if you CAN use them, do. At least for step 2 I think (target language audio with target language text).

Bilinguis.com has nice free parallel texts, YouTube has some perfect premade videos to do L R, Pleco can do step 3 in a pinch (if you can’t find a parallel text). Bidireader tool allows you to make parallel texts.

I find I actually find step 2 THEN step 3, as originally intended, helps me most? I’ve tried it both orders.

When I do step 2 first I practice extensive reading since I don’t look words up generally, I practice listening to audio in the bg so I can skim ahead and skim backwards (so training myself to pay partial attention to listening). I get an overall context for the story (I pick up most of what’s going on), I work on speeding up my reading speed (I need to keep up with audio, and often I’ll read a little ahead of the audio). I like it a lot - it’s like regular extensive reading, but I get some sound reinforcement. And I can look up a handful of words if I want. And I’m forced to CONTINUE so I don’t read too slow. (However - regular extensive reading has its place, I have more time in regular extensive reading to figure out new Hanzi and sayings and remember them).

When I do step 3 LAST I find that because I already know most of the chapter (since in step 2 I followed almost everything), I can focus all of my attention into listening. I really hear what words are being said (especially since I just practiced listening once before in step 2). Especially doing it in Pleco, where the English popup definitions show up and disappear so FAST, I really rely on my ears most. Especially when I barely look at the Chinese - because the English shows up so fast and isn’t always the best definition, so I mostly am following based on my listening skills. Also it means in step 3 since I’m comfortable with the main plot, and sound, I can focus my attention on really looking at the new words I want to learn. 插 缩 宿舍楼 权利 were some words I could focus on last time, actually listening to their pronunciation better. Etc. So I do think... for me doing it as actual step 3 when doing it this specific way seems to help more. That way step 2 is mostly reading and sentence flow when listening, and step 3 is more time for new word focus and listening skills in general. Also I find the word-reinforcement I get in the next chapters step 2 anyway.

I’ve done 5 chapters of Guardian in 2 days (so yeah I’d say this way of L R is easier for me to do lol!). 1 chapter of Alice in wonderland in chinese (again bilinguis with a good audio from ximayala worked perfect), 1 chapter from a YouTube premade video. I do think in some ways step 2 actually helps me the most (reading wise, and maybe even over all?). I find there’s definitely value in me doing step 2 on its own, even if I don’t do any of the other steps.

I find the L R combo steps have already helped my listening skills this small amount I’ve done. Which is kinda shocking to me tbh. When I did the Alice in wonderland chinese chapter, first I just listened to the audio in the background. I could follow all of it about Alice’s sister reading, her following a rabbit and falling, her picking up a jar and setting it on another shelf as she fell, without any text to look at. I think part of it is simply Alice in wonderland has more short words I know and less descriptive words I do Not know compared to Guardian. And I have prior context for what happens in the chapter. Still. I found it much easier to catch some details since last time I tried. So I’m going to keep doing L R while I feel like it, see if it helps any more.