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builtbybrokenbells · 2 years ago

Text

Spitfire | vi

Rumours spread around the internet, causing turmoil like never before. In a desperate attempt to forget,y/n takes solace in the bar, making it a mission to forget him completely. Jake is left wondering if he’ll ever get a chance to explain himself. When her roommates try to do damage control, they’re left wondering if the Twitter feed and speculation is really the biggest issue, or her way of covering up her crippling fear of falling in love.

Read part five here

Read part seven here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader

Word count: 7.5k

Warnings: cheating/cheating rumours, Twitter, binge drinking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, lots of angst, crying, like a 2 second mention of throwing up (very short because i hate throwing up with a violent passion), basically this whole chapter is an angsty shitshow because I live for drama, sorry if I missed any!

so obvi i had to throw in some heartbreak to offset all the fluffy happiness, cause that’s just who i am. lots of projection in this one (hey, at least I’m owning up to my flaws) but this is just an angsty mess before we get to a happy ending cause I wanted to showcase how detrimental the internet/social media can be and how bad ldr sucks 😁 as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻 (also thank you all so much for the love on this series. im having a lot of fun writing it and it overjoys me to see that other people like it, too)

Your feet carried you to the living room, speed faster than you’d ever ran before. When you turned the corner of the hallway, your footing slipped and you had to brace yourself on the wall. Eve was sprawled on the couch. She looked to you, eyes wide with panic, scared that something bad happened. “What has got you all riled up?” She threw her phone beside her, sitting upright.

“I-I, uh, I just…” you were breathless, heart pounding in your chest as you tried to formulate your words. “The… t-the-“

“Just fucking spit it out!” She laughed, clearly understanding that your rapid approach was due to good news rather than bad.

“Okay, sorry.” You ran your hand through your hair, pushing it away from your face. “I think I’m gonna throw up.” You laughed, fanning your face with your hands. Tears were threatening to spill over, and your skin was prickling with excitement. “So I started my internship on Monday, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” She said, waiting for an explanation.

“And I met everyone in the ‘office’.” You air-quoted office, knowing you’d only interact with them over zoom meetings for the four month duration. “But I met the head of the department today, the big boss.” She gave an eager nod. “He told me that he read over my research report. He said it was one of the best he’s ever read.”

“No way!” Eve was standing now, bouncing with just as much enthusiasm.

“Yeah, but that’s not it.” You stopped her. “I mean yeah, that’s fantastic, but it’s way better than that.” You felt the tears begin to roll down your cheeks, too caught up in the situation to care. “He wants to continue on with it. He told me he thinks the idea is fantastic and worth the money. I’m not going to be working on, or following up somebody else’s research this summer. They want to work on mine.” Her eyes were wide, her previous demeanour completely frozen. After a few seconds, she exploded into a scream and engulfed you into a hug. You held on to her, wanting to yell just as badly. “Can you punch me? Just to make sure I’m not dreaming?”

She pulled back, shaking her head and wiping your tears away. “Not a dream.” She laughed, pulling you in for another embrace. “Y/n, they picked your topic from an undergraduate, not even a masters or a PhD. Do you know how huge that is?”

“I know! He told me he’s been waiting to work with me since the end of my first year. Apparently I’m the at the top of the program.” You were almost lightheaded, not being able to process what was happening.

“I’m so proud of you.” She said, taking your hands into hers. She gave them a squeeze, bringing you back to reality. “Did you tell anyone else?” You shook your head.

“No, I was going to text the sibling group chat and get it all over at once. I want to call Jake, but I’m just not sure if he’s busy or not.” You explained.

“Call him! If he’s busy, he won’t answer. I think this is way too important to wait to tell him.” She encouraged you.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m gonna… I’ll go call him.” You breathed.

“Okay, but I’m taking you to dinner tonight to celebrate. We’ll go to The Garden, maybe get some drinks afterwards. It is Friday, after all.”

“Yeah, that sounds amazing. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You assured her.

“Good, now go call your loverboy.” She shooed you away. You jogged back to your room, letting the door fall shut behind you.

It had been almost two weeks since Jake left, meaning that your trip to Atlanta was right around the corner. Your brothers left the week prior, leaving your home quieter than you liked it. It was amazing having everyone there, but it was terrible when they all had to leave. You were adjusting, though, and knowing you were going to see Jake in a few days was really helping.

You slipped on the hoodie he’d so graciously left for you, and found the bottle of cologne, giving the front a small spritz. The smell immediately swarmed your senses, making you close your eyes in bliss. When your end of day meetings came to a close, you practically lived in his sweater. Him being gone this time was a little easier now that you had small reminders of him. You pulled your phone out, dialling his number off by heart. Your hands were vibrating as you clicked the speakerphone button. The dial tone rang a few times, but you couldn’t help but hope he’d pick up. You tapped your fingers on the wood of your desk, trying to remember if he told you he had a show or an interview that day.

“Hey, it’s Jake. Leave a message.” Your stomach sank with disappointment, but you didn’t let it last too long.

“Hey, rockstar. Big news, call me as soon as you can. Love you.” You didn’t let the voicemail linger, ending the call as soon as you finished speaking. As you stared at the screen of your phone, you realized you hadn’t heard from Jake since the night before. It was very strange of him not to send a good morning text, but you were so busy with work meetings all day you hadn’t picked up your phone at all.

You debated calling again, but decided against it. Instead, you went to your contact list and clicked on Josh’s name. You were expecting the same empty tone, but you were surprised when he answered after the first ring. “Hey, mama.” His usually happy tone was so comfortably familiar.

“Hey, Josh.” You couldn’t help but smile. Josh had rapidly become another brother to you, just the same as Sam and Danny.

“What could I have possibly done to deserve a call from such an angel?” You rolled your eyes, a laugh making its way out. Josh was a very verbal person, and extremely friendly, too. At first, you were a bit thrown off by his strong compliments, but you’d gotten over it quite quickly once you realized Jake never batted an eye about it. Clearly there was a lot of mutual trust between the two.

“Just missed your sweet voice, is all.” You joked. He let out a small chuckle.

“You’re too kind,” he said “but really, what’s up? Usually I’m the one calling you.”

“Don’t say it like that, that makes me sound like an asshole.” You replied.

“You know what I mean.” You could practically hear his eye roll through the phone.

“I know,” you assured him. “I was just calling to see if you knew where Jake was. I haven’t heard from him all day and I got some pretty big news. I called to tell him and he didn’t answer. I thought maybe you were all doing rockstar stuff, but it seems like you were waiting around for someone to call you.” You teased.

“Maybe I just drop everything to talk to you. Have you thought about that?”

“Whatever you say, Joshua.”

“To answer your question, I have no idea where he is. Today is kind of a day off, I guess. We’ve got a meeting tonight, but that’s more of us just hanging out with the managers.”

“Oh, that’s weird, then.” You said, uneasiness sprouting in your stomach.

“He could be asleep, or in music writing mode. I’ll get to the bottom of it for you.” He promised.

“Thanks, super-sleuth.” You laughed.

“What’s your big news?” Josh asked, changing the subject. You didn’t think the topic change was suspicious, more or less just Josh being nosy.

“I don’t know if Jake would forgive me if I told you first.” You were being honest. Jake wanted to be your biggest supporter, and you didn’t know if you telling Josh first would cause any issues. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt him.

“Ah, come on, mama. He didn’t answer, so it’s his loss. Besides, we’re practically the same person. Same DNA and all, you know?”

“I don’t think that makes you the same person, honey.” You giggled. “I think you just want to know.”

“Duh,” he scoffed “I won’t tell him, I promise. I’m really good with secrets.” Somehow, you weren’t sure if you believed him. But you were so excited about your accomplishment that you were itching to tell anyone who was willing to listen.

“Fine, okay, but promise you won’t say anything.”

“I won’t, I swear!” You could hear the giddiness in his voice.

“Okay, I’ll hold you to it, then.” You told him. “Basically, I started my summer internship with the biotechnology society this week. Today I met the head of the department and he told me he’s been wanting to work with me for a long time. He read my report about non-invasive blood-glucose tests and he wants to take it a step further. He thinks it’s worth the time and money.” You rushed out, feeling the excitement take over again.

“Y/n, that is fantastic!” He said. You could feel his smile in his words. One thing you adored about the four boys is that they all seemed incredibly genuine.

“Thank you, Josh. It’s super cool. Usually they only study graduate topics, but I guess he thinks I have what it takes.” You breathed, barely believing your own words.

“You absolutely have what it takes, mama, and Jake is going to be over the moon when you tell him.” You felt a smile break out on your lips.

“Thank you.” You really meant it. Jake and his brothers were always seemed so proud of you, and it made you feel so important. “I can’t wait to see you guys this weekend.”

“We’re really looking forward to it, too. Jake’s been so uptight when we practice because he wants to impress you at the show. It’s starting to get unbearable.” You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head in disbelief as if he could see you.

“I’m going to be the biggest fan there, even if he forgets how to play every song.”

“I know that, y/n. He just wants to show off for you. I, on the other hand, don’t have to practice. I already know I’ll win you over.” You rolled your eyes.

“Uh-huh,”

“Oh come on, what’s the matter with a little brotherly competition?” He joked.

“It seems more like a pissing contest.” You said. “Well, as nice as it’s been talking to you, I must go call my own brothers and tell them the news. They’ll be really upset if they find out I told you, first.”

“Like I said, my lips are sealed.” He promised. “I’m really happy for you, y/n.” His earlier tone of humour was gone, replaced with sincerity.

“Thank you, and thanks for picking up.” You said.

“As if I’d ignore you. I’ll find out what’s up with Jake and let you know. Talk soon?”

“Of course. Talk to you later, Josh.” You bid your goodbye. He hung up first, leaving you staring at the blank screen. Worry started to consume you, unsure of what Jake could be up to. The radio silence was extremely strange.

Before calling your own siblings, you decided to jump in the shower. You connected to your Bluetooth speaker, playing music softly in the background as you undressed and turned the faucet on. You climbed in, humming softly to the first song that came up on shuffle. You washed your hair and worked at getting all of the knots out. You took your time washing your body, letting the hot water sooth your stiffness from sitting in an office chair all day. You even took the time to exfoliate and shave. When you stepped out, you felt like a new person. You dried off, wrapping your hair in a towel, and throwing on an oversized t-shit and some sweatpants.

You went back to your room and threw your old clothes in your laundry basket. As you sat on the edge of your bed, your phone chimed from beside you. Your eyes fell on the screen, trying to make out who the message was from. Josh’s name was showing in the notification bar, so you picked it up to read what he said.

Twin Rockstar

Hey, checked on Jake. Don’t think he’s in his room. Will let you know when I find him :)

You typed a quick reply before clicking on your brothers contact. You figured you shouldn’t put off telling them the news any longer, and Sam would be the most likely to answer. You told him you needed him to call you ASAP, throwing your phone back on the mattress. You got up, moving to the closet and scouring through your heaps of clothes. Your hands settled on a simple red dress. Enough to look classy, but not enough to catch too much attention. You threw it on, spritzing some perfume and throwing on some deodorant. As you took your hair down to dry, you started on your makeup. You didn’t put on too much, just enough to accentuate your features.

You finished with swiping on the same lipstick you’d worn the night you met Jake. It was your favourite one before that night, but ever since it had caught his attention, it was the only one you liked to wear. Just as you were finishing up, your phone began to ring. You shuffled over, grabbing it off the mattress and accepting the video call. “Hello, Samuel.” You said, looking over his face.

“So you saw it, too?” He asked, forgoing any type of greeting. You raised an eyebrow, confused at what he could be talking about. He watched you carefully, quickly realizing that you did not want to call him for the same reason. “Oh, nothing.” He said, sheepishly. Your eyes hardened, not willing to play the game with him. He’d always done that; start a sentence or a story and try to change topics. Usually it was only when something bad happened. He hated giving bad news.

“What, Sam?” You pried, waiting for him to give in.

“Nothing, y/n. It was probably just a rumour anyway.”

“Just tell me, please.” You sighed. He shifted uncomfortably under your stare, but eventually conceded.

“I saw something. It’s probably nothing, I just thought you saw it, too, and that’s why you wanted me to call. You never send an urgent message.”

“What did you see, Sam?” Your stomach was twisting with anxiety the more the conversation went on. He let out a jumble of words that you had a hard time understanding. When you gave him a look of confusion, he rolled his eyes.

“I was doing my daily routine of stalking everyone on the internet.” He said, seeming to have trouble with how he was going to word his sentences. Leave it to Sam to spend an hour a day to catch up on everyone else’s drama. “And I saw a couple posts, a-and I think it’s just speculation and rumours,” he led into the topic as easy as he could. “But there’s a couple pictures of Jake going around. With another girl. And everybody thinks it’s a possible girlfriend.” He breathed. Your stomach dropped, but you held your expression firm, not letting a hint of emotion through.

“Oh, okay.” Was all you said. You tried to reason with yourself, wanting to believe that it was just a misunderstanding. Then, your brain immediately focused on the fact that you hadn’t heard from him all day, which was extremely unusual. That, and he hadn’t even told his brothers where he was. You were certain if Josh was lying to you, you’d be able to tell. He wasn’t very good at it. “Can you send me them?” You asked, clearing your throat to get rid of the lump that was forming.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, squirt. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” His attempt at deflecting the impact was failing miserably.

“Just send them to me, Sam.” Your tone was becoming more angry by the second. He let out a long sigh, but did so without another word. The incoming message popped up on the top of your phone, immediately drawing your attention. You clicked on it, the aforementioned pictures unpleasantly gracing your screen. You tapped on the screenshot, zooming in a little bit to get a closer look.

There he was, unmistakably Jake, sitting at a restaurant table across from an unknown girl. There was a familiar smile on his face, one that made you sick when you thought about him giving it to another girl. You swiped through the photos, quickly finding that it was a whole Twitter chain. ‘Damn, his fans are always on top of the game’ you thought to yourself. There was pictures of them eating together, one with his hand resting on her arm, one of them walking down the street a little too close for comfort, and the last one of her wearing his jacket. You felt an indescribable feeling wash over you.

You read through the comments of fans talking about seeing it, how pretty she was, how happy he looked, and some not so nice tweets. You couldn’t help but feel a small comfort at the unsupportive statements. Your rationale was completely gone now, filled with anger at the sight. More than anything, you felt like an idiot. You fell for him so hard, but he was a boy, and a rockstar, at that. You had no idea why you believed a insignificant girl in Baltimore could tie him down. He probably had a new girl falling for him in every city he visited. Panic started to seep in, realizing that everything you were afraid seemed to be coming true. The look in his eye when he was smiling at her sent a shiver down your spine. It was so similar to how he looked at you.

There was a small part of you insisting there must be more to the story. A bigger, louder part of you didn’t care. Your trust for men and significant others was already extremely low before you met him. You’d spent a lifetime getting treated like garbage and cheated on, and even if this wasn’t the case, you weren’t sure if you even wanted to know. It was easier for you to shut down, to draw the conclusion that boys would always be boys. Although the photos weren’t a tell-all, they certainly didn’t make you feel good when you looked at them. A tiny voice in your brain was telling you that you were being irrational, and that you were doing what you always did; you were using this as a scapegoat to jump ship before you got seriously hurt. Self-destruction was a very well acquainted friend of yours, but you thought you’d left it behind a long time ago.

You took a long, shaky breath before speaking again. “I gotta go.” You mumbled, not giving Sam any time to answer. You hung up, completely forgetting about the real reason you wanted him to call you. You turned your phone on silent, throwing on an old jean jacket. You slung your purse over your shoulder, making sure you had everything you needed before you walked out of your bedroom.

The door slammed behind you with enough force to rattle the wall beside it.

As you made your way down the hallway, your jaw was clenched hard enough to made your head ache. Another classic move of yours; burying the sadness in anger. You tried to break out of it your whole life, but having four hotheaded brothers that loved to pick on you made the emotion permanent. Eve peeked her head around the corner to see what created the loud noise, but recoiled at the look on your face. You walked past her, not able to even give a glance in her direction, scared if you did you would break down. You were sure Sam would tell her, anyway. You threw a pair of shoes on and disappeared through the front door as fast as you could. You knew where you were going, and nobody was going to stop you.

You made your way down the street, eyes set forward and unwavering. The tunnel vision made it easy to ignore all of the passerby’s. By the time you made it to the front door of your favourite bar, you were positively sick with despair. Your stomach was churning and your chest was aching. You wanted nothing more than to go home and cover yourself in blankets and sleep the pain away, but you were never so willing to let a boy ruin you. You pushed through the front door with such a force that everyone’s head turned to look at you once you stepped inside. You went straight to the bar, too determined to drink to pay any mind to them. You stopped once you got in front of the bar, pulling your card out. Mike approached you, giving you a look of curiosity.

“Awful early for you to be here. Usually you only drink before 8 if something serious happened.”

“Triple whiskey sour.” You muttered, in no mood to make conversation. “And two shots of fireball.” He eyed you with concern, but pulled the bottles out, anyway. He wasn’t worried that you couldn’t handle your liquor; he was worried about why you were itching to drink so badly.

“You okay?” He asked as he slid the shot glasses towards you. You took both back to back, ignoring the burning in your chest. It was nothing compared to the ache in your heart.

“Perfectly okay, Mike.” You promised. “Never been better, actually.” He handed you the solo cup, eyes never leaving your face.

“For some reason, I don’t know if I believe you.” He said, watching you take two long drinks out of the glass.

“Quit it with the concerned act. Business is business.” You scolded, mustering a small smile to lessen the blow of the harsh words. You tapped your debit card against the machine once he pushed it towards you, taking a seat in one of the chairs. Tonight was not a dancing night, you decided. You felt your phone vibrating in your purse. It hadn’t stopped since you left the house. You were sure it was Sam, and you cared so little that you didn’t even bother taking it out to check it.

Your first drink came to an end pretty fast, and Mike, knowing you well enough, kept a steady stream of refills in front of you. By the time 9 o’clock rolled around and the bar began to get busy, you were already hammered. The anger in your body was still raging, but you were drunk enough to bury it deep under the surface. Mike had got a bit more talking out of you as the time passed, only making his concern grow more. You were very elusive as to why you were so desperate to be intoxicated, making him believe that whatever the reason was, was really bad. He’d only seen you drink like that on a few occasions, and rarely ever did you go to the bar alone.

“I think you should answer your phone, darlin’.” Mike said, eyeing your purse on the counter as your phone vibrated. As he sat with you, he took note of all the calls you were ignoring.

“You can.” You giggled, nudging the bag towards him. He sighed, reminding you of your dad when he got upset. “I’m not worried about it.” He reluctantly opened your purse and took your phone out, figuring it was better to let your friends know you were alive. You were good enough friends with Mike for him to feel comfortable enough to answer your phone for you. It definitely wouldn’t have been the first time. He tapped the screen, lighting it up to reveal the extensive list of missed calls and texts.

“Eve sent you a bunch of question marks then asked where you went. She’s called you probably a million times. Sam is very worried about you and says he’s going to fly back here if you don’t answer him. Uh, whoever ‘twin rockstar’ is called and texted a few times. Ally called. And ‘Rockstar’ called you about… fifty times.” He listed off. All you could do was laugh. ‘Fuck Jake’, you thought to yourself.

“That’s nice. Can I get another shot with my next drink?” You asked.

“Y/n, you should at least tell Eve where you are.” You played with the straw in your cup, pretending not to hear him. He gave up, sliding your phone back to where it was before. After a moment, he obliged to your request, placing both drinks in front of you. You threw the shot back, feeling someone slide into the chair next to you as you placed the glass back down. You looked over, not recognizing the boy now in your company. You weren’t sure if you were too drunk to place the face, or if you’d never met him before.

“Hey,” he smiled at you. ‘Pretty smile’ you noted.

“Hi.” You replied, not really feeling up to making conversation. You kept your eyes on your drink, not willing to look up at him again.

“What are you drinking? I’ll buy you one.” You almost laughed out loud.

“No, thanks. I’m okay.” You told him, taking a long sip from your straw to avoid any further trouble.

“Why, you have a boyfriend?” He asked. It wasn’t harsh, more of a genuine inquiry. “He must be a lucky guy.” He spoke again before you could answer. You looked over to him, an unfamiliar feeling settling under your skin. You opened your mouth to respond, but you weren’t sure what to say.

“Uh, no, I don’t.” You decided in a split second. As the words came out of your mouth, it felt like someone had punched you in the stomach. “Not anymore, so I’m just not looking for anything.” You explained, gloom casting over you again.

“Sorry to hear that. He must be real stupid to let someone as pretty as you get away.” All you could do was chuckle at his statement. When silence ensued again, he took it upon himself to fill it. “If you change your mind, come and find me.” He quickly scribbled his number down on a bar napkin and slid it your way. Your eyes fell over it, almost finding it humorous. Once he got up and walked away, you handed it to Mike after ripping it in half.

“So dark and broody broke your heart?” Mike asked, tossing the paper in the garbage.

“Don’t say it like that. Makes him sound more important than he is. You have to love someone for them to break your heart.” You explained. Mike eyed you, a knowing look on his features.

“I think you’re lying to yourself, honey.” He said, handing you another shot. He was hyper-aware of your state, wanting to recognize when he needed to cut you off. “It’s okay to get hurt. Makes us human.”

“No lies and not human.” You told him, a sweet smile on your lips.

“Whatever you say.” He shook his head, moving on to serve the next customer. You lost yourself in the music playing over the speakers, finally seeming to rid yourself of the overwhelming emotions. Your face was hot and your body felt light. Your head was swimming with words, but none of them came together to make a worthwhile statement. The intoxication had reached a point where all of your inhibitions were gone; it was a dangerous situation for someone hurting so badly. Just because you weren’t currently immersed in the hurt, didn’t mean you weren’t trying to suffocate it for good.

You walked over to the pool tables, grabbing a cue and racking the balls. You sipped at your drink, shooting aimlessly and sinking shots intermittently. After a while, a group of people joined you at your table. You had no idea who they were, or what their names were. You were sure they told you, but you were in no state to remember them. There were a few girls and two guys, and they all seemed super friendly. They were a good tool to pass the time with, or perhaps more of a distraction than anything. Either way, they were buying pitchers of drinks and sharing, and they were quite funny.

As the hour neared midnight, Mike had turned the sound system up as he usually did. You retracted your much earlier thought, realizing that dancing was the best sounding activity at the moment. One of the boys from the group took his chance, moving closer to you and dancing alongside you. Instead of recoiling, you allowed it, ready to reap the consequences later. He twirled you around, pulling you closer to him so your chest was pressed to his. You both sang the song to each other, faces dangerously close. His hand was on your hip, eyes never leaving you. You were having a good time, but couldn’t shake how wrong it felt. Sure, it was fun, but it was absolutely meaningless. You never wanted to feel something meaningless again after feeling what you had with Jake. He leaned in, attempting to catch you in a kiss, but you withdrew, suddenly feeling dirty for even letting another guy get that close to you. You were lost in thought, almost furious again knowing that Jake still had your entire heart. As bad as you wanted to rid yourself of him, you were more terrified of feeling like you weren’t his anymore, or him yours. The thought didn’t last long, because someone grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the group.

You looked to the source of the disturbance, only to be met with the fuming faces of your roommates. You took a moment to process it, blinking hard to rid yourself of the double vision. “We’ve been calling you all night.” Eve said, dangerously calm. “We didn’t know if you were dead, or if you got kidnapped, or what, until Mike called us and told us you were here.”

“Why would he-“

“Do not get mad at him for looking out for you.” She snapped. You felt a wave of nausea run through you as your face burned with heat. “I’m taking you home before you do something you’ll regret.” She pulled you towards the door, not willing to listen to any sort of explanation. When you got outside, the cool night air hit you like a million knives on your skin.

“Eve,” you mumbled. She continued walking, not listening to your warning. “M’gonna be sick.” You told her. She stopped, looking back at you. Her tough exterior faltered, now really seeing the state you were in. She pulled you back in an alleyway, gathering your hair in her hands. You braced yourself with your hand on the brick of the building, heaving until there was nothing left in your stomach. When you straightened up, there were tears in your eyes. Some from throwing up, but more from crying.

You took a step back, leaning your whole body against the wall and letting out the sob you’d been holding back all night. Ally was standing guard at the end of the side-street, making sure nobody could witness your crisis. You were consumed with the memories of the pictures you saw earlier that night, feeling a non-alcohol related sickness in your stomach. Eve dug in your purse, finding a small pack of tissues. She pulled one out and cleaned off your face as best she could before discarding it on the ground. Normally, she’d be appalled at the thought of throwing garbage on the ground. At the moment, she was willing to sacrifice her morals rather than hold on to the repulsive piece of paper.

She brushed the hair from your face, for once being completely unsure of how to help you. She couldn’t recall the last time she’d seen you so upset. “Let’s get you home, okay?” She whispered. You managed a nod through your inconsolable state. She led you back to the main road after helping you take your heels off. She kept a supportive hold around your back, making sure you didn’t stumble and fall. Ally took to the other side of you, also offering her support.

The walk was treacherous and much longer than it should have been. By the time the two girls got you through the door, you were nothing short of a mess. Eve whispered something to Ally that you didn’t quite catch. Then, Eve helped you to the couch and Ally disappeared from sight. Eve took a seat next to you, gently wiping away the tears staining your cheeks. You tried to catch your breath, feeling completely out of control. Within a few minutes, Ally had rejoined the group holding a plethora of items in her arms. She put them down on the couch, making fast work at her mission.

First she pulled out a few makeup wipes, handing them to Eve so she could rid you of the mascara running down your face. When she was done, she placed the wipes on the coffee table. Ally handed her a hair tie next. Eve turned you slightly, combing her hands through your hair and quickly braiding it. “Next parts gonna be a bit harder.” She mumbled. “Gotta stand for me, okay?” You gave a nod. She helped you to your feet, steadying you before unzipping the back of your dress and slipping the sleeves off. When it fell to your ankles, she pulled a large t-shirt over your head. “There.” She sighed. You slowly sat back down on the sofa, feeling the world spinning around you.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled, squeezing your eyelids shut. Tears were still making their way out with no sign of stopping.

“I know.” She said, thumb brushing them away as fast as they were falling. “I know you’re hurting. We all do stupid stuff when we’re hurting.”

“I told him I loved him. He said he loved me, too.” You cried, feeling the ache settle in your bones again. “He promised.” You blubbered.

“I know, honey. We’re gonna get some sleep and sober you up a bit, and we’ll fix this in the morning, okay?”

“I’m supposed to go to Atlanta next weekend.” In your drunken state, you unintentionally disregarded everything she was saying. “He said he was gonna take me around the world with him. I knew this was going to happen. I never should have opened up. I never should have let this happen.” You let out a shaky breath. “I don’t even know if he did it, or not. All I know is that it hurts. ‘nd m’so scared because I hate when people have this much power over me.” She knew you were really fucked up over this, because it was nothing like you to come out with all of your feelings so willingly. “I love him. I really love him. I’ve never felt like this before, and it just made me realize that he makes me so happy, but he has the power to take it away whenever he wants. And he’s this big rockstar who can have anybody he wants. All he has to do is say the word. He can have girls who looks like that. Why would he settle for me?”

“Hey, that is not true. Anyone who ends up with you will be the luckiest person in the world.” She scolded, not willing to accept that.

“He’s just… he’s Jake. And he’s perfect. And I adore him. A-and I’m so scared of losing him that… that I feel like I have to leave first, to spare myself from the worse hurt, later, you know?” You hiccuped. “I always do this. M’gonna ruin it for myself because m’always so fucking scared! I tried to get rid of the feeling, to get rid of him, but all of the stuff that usually works just made me think about him even more. I don’t want him to have that power over me, don’t want him to be able to flip my world upside down whenever he wants, but it just felt so good being loved by him and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget it.” You let your head fall back into the cushion of the couch, completely defeated by how you were feeling. She quickly caught on to the fact that this whole situation may have had a lot less to do with the pictures from earlier, and much more to do with your fear of being in love.

“I know, baby.” She practically winced. She didn’t know the full story. She only knew what Sam had told her, then Jake’s incoherent babbling on the phone when he called her earlier. He was so out of his mind with worry she was surprised he didn’t jump on a plane and fly back just to make sure you were alive. Then, when she finally calmed him down enough to tell him she would make sure you were okay, Josh called and voiced his worry and defence of his brother. Eve was completely in the loop from all sides of the battle, but she had no idea what was really going on. “Ally is going to get the air mattress and we’ll all stay out here tonight. We’re not gonna leave you.” She pulled you into her, holding you close. Ally disappeared once again, off to gather more necessities. Eve rubbed your back, soothing you as you worked through your emotions. Her main concern was you, and it would always be that. Once you were asleep, she’d worry about everyone else.

The two girls banded together to pump up the large air mattress, having to take turns every now and again. Eventually, they had it set up and decorated the top with comforters and pillows. They prompted you to get in, wanting to get you to sleep as fast as possible, hoping if you got enough rest you’d feel better in the morning. They turned on a speaker, playing gentle music in the background so you could focus on something other than your hurt. It didn’t take long for the alcohol in your system to lull you to sleep, soft snores falling from your mouth.

“What the fuck happened?” Ally asked, finally winding down from the eventful night.

“I… couldn’t tell you, really. Sam sent me some suspicious pictures of Jake and another girl. Apparently Twitter thinks they’re together. And you know her, she doesn’t really believe in explanations or second chances. I guess it probably reminded her of last time. And I think she may be using it as a cop out because she’s really in love with him, and that terrifies her.”

“Do you think Jake would do that to her?” Ally asked, genuinely curious.

“He seems to be head over heels for her, but the pictures did seem kind of incriminating. He wasn’t kissing her or anything like that, but he was pretty close with her and she was wearing his jacket. Whoever she was, he looked quite enthralled in her. If i were her, I’d probably be pretty hurt, too. I don’t think she’s wrong to feel upset, especially if she didn’t know about it or who she was before she saw the pictures. I do think she should talk to him about it before running away.” Eve explained. Ally gave a nod. “Jake called me and he was super upset. Could barely understand what he was saying. He was just all over the place. Told him I’d make sure she was okay, but I didn’t ask him about it. I’m on team y/n, always. I’m not going to vouch for him, cause that will only make her mad at me.” She shrugged. “Even if he didn’t cheat on her, she’s still hurting. Maybe a bit more from her internal battles, but she’s still hurting.”

“I get that.”

“Josh called, too, trying to explain on behalf of his brother. It’s just a mess. I hope that Jake does have a good explanation, because I really like them together. But I’m not sure if she’ll listen to him, even if he does. She doesn’t listen to anyone but herself.” Eve chuckled. Ally nodded, knowing that all too well. “She already has the idea in her head, and every one of those feelings are multiplied by a thousand because she’s in love. Like, really in love. I don’t think she’s been this crazy for anyone, ever.” Just as she finished speaking, your phone began to ring in your purse again. Eve pulled it out, inspecting the screen. She sighed, rejecting the call and picking up her own phone. She dialled back the number that called you and waited for him to answer. She didn’t feel the need to completely block Jake out, but she’d be damned if she was going to let you know she was talking to him.

“Hey,” a raspy voice said from the other side of the phone.

“Hello, Jacob.” Eve said.

“Is she okay?” Her eyes looked towards you sleeping soundly on the air mattress.

“That’s a relative term, I think.” She grimaced slightly, recalling the state you had been in. “Alive, yeah, but she’s really fucked up.”

“Okay.” Jake said, clearing his throat a little bit. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“That’s also quite relative. I’d like to say I know, but I can’t.”

“I didn’t cheat on her.” He said firmly. “I’m not cheating on her. I would never do that.”

“Okay.” She replied, mimicking his earlier statement.

“I absolutely know why she’s mad at me. If it was the other way around and I saw those pictures, I’d… yeah.” He trailed off.

“I can’t defend you to her, Jake. She’s been my best friend for years. I barely know you. Even if she’s overreacting, which I am absolutely not saying she is, I’m on her side.” Eve explained. “Unless she did something really fucked up, which she didn’t, and she won’t.” She added quickly, wanting to clarify that she wouldn’t blindly stand up for you in every context. “She’s a spitfire. She goes from 1 to 100 faster than anyone I’ve ever met. Yeah, she’s upset about what happened today, but I think she’s also having a hard time with being in love. She’s scared of it. Always has been. She’s so independent that it’s actually infuriating, and I believe she may be struggling with depending on someone for once. This whole thing might have been the excuse she’s been waiting for, to run away.” Eve explained. “I think maybe if she just saw the pictures, it wouldn’t have been so bad. But all of those Twitter comments were pretty hard to read, and I’m not even dating you.”

“I know. That part of fame sucks. Everyone speculates, and stories spread before we even know that it caught someone’s attention. And I get it. I understand why you and her both feel the way you do. I would feel the same if one of my brothers got hurt.” She did feel quite bad for him. She didn’t think Jake was a bad guy, but perhaps not the best at communication. In this instance, at least. “Can you at least try to get her to come to Atlanta? Just so I can talk to her. I’ll fly her back as soon as I do, if that’s what she wants. I just can’t leave things like this, and I know she’ll never answer my calls.” His words were met with a staggering silence. After a while, Eve spoke again.

“Do you swear on your life you didn’t cheat on her?” She asked, picking at a string that had frayed from the hem of her sweater.

“I promise.” He said, quite firmly.

“Cause if I get her to go Atlanta and I find out you really did fuck her over, I’ll kill you.” She replied as a matter-of-fact.

“I would never do that to her, Eve.” She believed him, for the most part. If he was lying, he was really good at it. “I love her.” He finally admitted. The sincerity in his words took her off guard.

“I’ll try, rockstar. It may not work, and I’m not going to force her, but I’ll try to get her on that plane. Only because I think you guys are cute together, and you made her so happy. She’s never had that before. It took a lot for her to give you a chance, especially after the last guy. If this ends like this, I don’t think she’ll ever recover.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t. And also, this conversation never happened. I’m not defending you, I’m not going behind her back, nothing like that. The only reason I’m doing this is because I think it’s in her best interest. Even if it’s just closure, that’s fine by me.” She warned. “Now think up a real good apology, rockstar.”

“Will do.” He said. There was no room for any more words, because she’d already hung up. Ally gave Eve a look of caution, worried that Eve was going to rock the boat even further. Eve brushed it off, standing and flicking the lights off in the living room. She climbed on the air mattress and wrapped herself up in a blanket. Ally followed suit, both of them falling asleep not long after with the hope that the morning would bring some form of clarity.

TAGLIST: @gvfpal @jakesgrapejuice @hellowgoodbye

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dj-of-the-coven · 1 year ago

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Hit me with your favorite defunct website

You will regret this.

Have you ever felt isolated by the modern internet, or nostalgic for the way that you can vaguely--but not entirely--remember experiencing as a child? Well I can't speak for everyone, but the past few years certainly have left me feeling that way. Certain nostalgia posts made circa 2021 got my brain churning in that direction, dredging up ancient memories of reading personal blogs and spending hours on flash game websites that were more or less entirely nuked from the internet by my adulthood. The more I remembered, the more distressed I felt by their absence, even though it'd been years since I even remembered most of that stuff existed...

Aside from Animal Jam, I wasn't sure if anything I knew from my mid 2000s-early 2010s childhood experience was out there on the web somewhere--so, I did as any normal teenager would and I started doing copious amounts of research into a subject that basically didn't exist. I discovered the internet archive entirely on accident; spent days examining the layout of early youtube and any other sites I could remember, navigating by year and trying to figure out when everything took a turn for the worst. I started browsing through webcore tags on tumblr just to get close to what I wanted, because "old internet" yielded few results at the time, and google's input was less than useless. Only a few blogs on tumblr had the kind of content I was looking for, but eventually I struck gold when one of them pointed me in a brand new direction of hope.

This is when I discovered neocities.

Of course, I was already familiar with the webhosting platform of geocities from the old days. Geocities was one of the primary hosting platforms that I remembered without the help of research, but you may already have guessed by the lack of a link that it's dead--and you'd be right. It actually shut down back in 2009, which I learned through the same post that advertised its independent successor. For some reason, I'd always associated the memory with the time I was in kindergarten, but the date of shutdown actually confirmed that I must've known about it earlier, making the platform one of my first memories! It's been gone for a while, but not the impression of it that I had as a core pillar in my early web experience. And then there was neocities. What was that? I immediately went to investigate.

Of course, I was mostly doing this in between two late-night bussing jobs to afford my shitty apartment, aside from being in my final year of high school, so progress was slow. At the starbucks next to my school, I was always holed up in the corner during my short window of off-time with a coffee and my computer setup. It took some time, but I began browsing through the top pages one-by-one, following links and cataloguing where they led to. I took stock of which sites linked to one another. Eventually, I noticed a pattern: a lot of them linked back to a website called sadgrl.online, a purple and black neon haven of internet culture run by a webmaster known as Sadness. Everyone say hello to our defunct website of the hour!

At the time, the thing was absolutely bustling. Almost all of the most popular sites on neocities were linked to Sadness' site somehow, usually through her button collection. My own personal site, which I started building around that time, also contained one of her web buttons. She has several, but her most popular one looks like this. (I apologize if you're on mobile. It will NOT look good.)

I was intrigued! In a community so removed from the usual mainstays of the internet, there existed a blog that hundreds of neocities users were visiting every day, and I very quickly became one of them once I finished looking through her thought-provoking essays on programming and web culture. Her site went through a number of layout changes while I was a regular visitor--the vast majority of them are catalogued on the site itself if not also on the internet archive. It was a blog dedicated to the exact thing that I was interested in; what I had been searching for since the modern web started rubbing me the wrong way in my burgeoning adulthood. Her page prominently featured an essay on the faults of centralized internet and her journey to foster a space more accepting of individuality, information, and creativity without thought of profit. I was totally enamored, especially with the appealing gothic graphics that surrounded the lengthy text!

(here's a capture from August 2022)

Aside from Sadness, several other active community members had formed an alliance of websites dedicated to the preservation of old internet culture and the cultivation of unique online spaces. These people called themselves the Yesterweb. The yesterweb was run mainly by webmasters known as Auzzie Jay, Madness, Tsvety, Grafo, Cinni, Vincent, Iris, and Sadness herself, but webmaster Melon (of MelonLand fame) also ran a forum that was parallel to the movement. The yesterweb was a massive project that included an online newspaper, a web radio station, several introductory programming manuals, a forum, web-themed essays from neocities users, button makers, layout creators, and terms and definitions for people new to the decentralized experience. It was easy to get lost in it all... for a time, the rabbit hole felt endless and exciting.

Every day, I returned to check updates on Sadness' various projects while I began work on my own website. She had totally convinced me of my own convictions--I bought the dream hook, line, and sinker. My only goal for a while was for my site to eventually be included in the yesterweb webring alongside all these amazing programmers. I wanted to contribute to the world of creativity that I could only dream of when HTML was still just meaningless jargon to me! But I was too slow learning the languages necessary, and the yesterweb was just growing too fast to be contained. I dipped for a few months to focus on my move to a new city, and by the time I returned, the whole yesterweb had disappeared scorched-earth style.

Okay, so what the fuck happened?

Currently, on the front page of what used to be a hopeful and inspiring collection of internet resources, there's a long essay made by the webmasters who founded the project, detailing burnout and massive stress due to the community growing faster than they could moderate it. It is certainly not poorly-intentioned. However, the discovery was absolutely devastating to me. My dream had gone up in smoke before I could even try to reach it, and I was apparently a part of the problem by caring so much about it. The radio station is gone. The webring was deleted. The forums shut down. My favorite webmasters' sites were no longer being updated. I felt awful for the people who had been affected by all this stress and pressure, but after so long of working to join the movement, I felt betrayed by their abandonment. The yesterweb disappeared in almost exactly the same way the old web did the first time--ripped from my fingers before I was able and ready to participate. And I can only wonder... what happened to the goal of turning the internet back into a place for us? How did it get to the point of ruining these people's lives within the span of maybe two years? I'm really not sure. There's a lot about this story I still don't know, and there's not really a way to access the drama that happened in a discord server that I never joined. The information published on the yesterweb's page is the only reliable source I'm currently aware of.

Still, in spite of it all, Sadness' website has remained one of my major inspirations in programming and web philosophy. I may be in mourning about a dream that died before it could truly live, but whenever I think about the months that I spent eagerly browsing her site for updates, I remember that spark that initially inspired me to begin researching the net in the first place. She was a major player in the game--not the only one. The website that she created was my favorite while it was active, and now it is my favorite website that is currently defunct.

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

#web revival #neocities #programming #personal websites

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allthecanadianpolitics · 1 year ago

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Hi! :D Let me just first say that I love your blog! It's been really helpful in all kinds of ways. Second, I'm a recent-ish immigrant to Canada and I'm trying to learn about Canadian history and present political, social, economic systems. About the lives of marginalized communities and the systems behind them, past and present feminist movements, First Nations history and current resistance, the economic system that shapes Canadian lives but also its place in the ongoing exploitation of the global south etc. But so many of the resources I run into that tackle these topics from a leftist perspective seem to be mostly American-centric in their focus. Of course, there is a massive overlap in there because of the history of the U.S. and Canada, I understand and expect that, but I still want to learn about these systems from within the current Canadian context flowing outwards, not the other way around. Does that make sense? Understanding the specifics of Canadian systems, my place in them, and how I can move from within that context towards social change is my priority right now. I'm sure resources centering Canada by Canadian authors from every background and community exist, I'm just having a hard time finding them because a) I suck at research T_T, and b) the internet, or at least my corner of the internet, seems to be very American-centric and everything gets filtered through that lens. I know this is a whole lot to just dump on someone but if you could recommend to me a few books (or other type of deep-dive resources) to get me on the right track I'd appreciate it immensely!

And thanks for all that you do!

You're welcome. I'm glad you've found this blog helpful and informative.

These are old resources, but here's some basic stuff I've posted about Canadian Politics and how the Canadian Political System works here:

You're also welcome to ask me any specific question you have and I'll do my best to answer it. Its very difficult to give specific answers to such broad topics that you've mentioned.

I also tag everything on this blog: https://allthecanadianpolitics.tumblr.com/tagged/ Add any topic of your interest after the tagged/ part of that URL. Anything from First Nations to the names of politicians will have dozens if not hundreds of posts about it.

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fowlfarm6 · 1 year ago

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Basic Ideas To Adhere to When Buying Real Estate

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stellar-imagines · 3 years ago

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HEADCANONS REQUEST: ❝autistic S/O.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Shouto, Kirishima Eijirou ]

「Headcanons of Bakugou, Todoroki and Kirishima with an autistic S/O.」

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

�� Bakugou will burn the whole world for you if he had to. Everyone thinks that this guy is just too loud, aggressive, and intense but he's the complete opposite with you. Of course, your first impression was that he was loud. Not to mentions, he kind of seemed like an asshole with all the name-calling and yelling he does every single time. Sometimes you think that he's just constantly angry no matter what. You avoided him as much as you could at first, not liking how loud he normally is. He's gotten into trouble for being too loud, scolded by his friends since it drew a negative reaction from you. And he actually tones down for your sake.

♤ As your boyfriend, he tries his hardest for you. He always plays it cool and confident to keep up his image but in reality, he's super worried about you. The first thing he does was to become a better person by learning about you and your autism. He doesn't want to corner you and ask you multiple questions, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable. So he decides to do his research on autism. Some of his friends had caught him reading books about it and glancing at you occasionally. It ended up with him denying it but everyone was touched to know how much Bakugou cares about you.

♤ Stimming? Man, he's somehow happy to see you do it but he makes sure that you're not harming yourself. He loves it when you’re playing with his fingers but he's lowkey insecure of his hands because it can get sweaty at times. Bakugou may not be able to comfort you with words but his actions speak volumes. He gives the best hugs and lets you play with hands and hair whenever you feel a bit anxious. He helps you explore ways to stim and ended up buying a lot of things for you. But honestly, he likes it when you rely on him to calm your nerves instead of some inanimate object.

♤ This guy never shows interest when someone is talking to him unless it was something that concerned him but when it comes to you, he listens to everything. His friends always complained about how he only pays attention to you and no one else but really, it's a good thing that he only has eyes for you. You may talk constantly about specific things that interest you and be completely unaware that Bakugou might not have the same level of interest. But no, he lets you talk as long as you want, he finds it cute that you can talk so much despite having trouble with normal social interactions.

♤ Overprotective? He's definitely an overprotective boyfriend. He literally yells at others to keep it down when they're being a bit too loud. Bakugou always has this urge to protect you whenever you're outside together. There were very rare occasions where you go out on dates and he's always on alert. The moment he sees a huge crowd, he will steer you away from it and ensure that nothing gets in your way. He's really great at getting you out of situations that overwhelm you and he's surprisingly good at comforting you. All he wants is the best for you and to become the boyfriend you deserved.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

☆ A good boy who understands how you feel. Hate crowds and sudden loud noises that make you jump and cover your ears? Prefer being alone with very few people accompanying you? Having trouble communicating with people? Yep, Todoroki understands it all. This guy enjoys his time with you, he finds your presence comforting since you understood his feelings the best. You two will be sitting side by side just enjoying the silence and avoiding noisy situations. Todoroki is quiet by nature so you never have to worry about him raising his voice all of a sudden like the others.

☆ Super honest with his feelings and when it comes to initiating affection, he always asks for consent. Todoroki is usually blunt with his feelings and he's super patient with you. On the rare occasion you didn’t catch or understand what he was saying, he has no problem repeating and attempting to make things clearer for you. So you really never have to worry about Todoroki getting impatient with you. Really, this kid has the patience of God himself, it makes you wonder what you did in your past life to deserve him. That being said, Todoroki is still the better one at communicating compared to you so he's always the one taking orders during dates.

☆ Consent is super important to him, this guy is deprived of touch for so long. His mother was out of the picture for quite a long time and his father was not the type to dote on him so you get the point. He always asks for consent before touching you. His touch is always gentle and cautious as if one wrong move will trigger you. He just loves it when he holds your hand, you instantly intertwine your fingers with his. He finds it cute how you would swing your hands while you both walk together. He likes it when you get all nervous when he asked if he could kiss you.

☆ Oh my god, this boy will get so flustered if you stim by toying with his fingers. You're just too adorable for him when you happy stim, it tugs his heartstrings. He tries to learn more about autism together with you, thinking of it as a way to communicate with you and to get to know you even better. But of course, there were things that he couldn't learn from you, he decides to read more on the internet or even ask his friends. When you stress or panic stim, he stresses and panics too. He's just so afraid that you might end up hurting yourself and feels very upset that you are feeling this way. He gives you the warmest hug and tries to calm you down.

☆ When you're info-dumping ― Todoroki likes that call it likes that ― you always pull him down to sit next to you. Todoroki can actually sense when this is going to happen and often brings you to his or your room. The two of you will sit side by side as you go on and on about whatever. Todoroki might not really know what you were talking about at first but he's listening to everything. He might not catch most of what you were saying but just seeing you look so enthusiastic and smiley is enough to make him smile. Overall, your relationship with Shouto is made of understanding each other, patience and trust. You both are a match made in heaven.

KIRISHIMA EIJIROU

♡ Kirishima knows that he can be loud sometimes but he's nothing compared to Bakugou's volume of course. He's naturally friendly and cheerful so his voice can get a bit loud sometimes. Feels super guilty and apologetic when he notices that his loud voice made you uncomfortable. He will lower down his volume whenever he's with you, keeps his distance, and ensure that you don't feel pressured at all. Doesn't hesitate to tell people around to quiet down in your presence, he knows that his group of friends can get a bit noisy. He wants you to get along with his friends and as much as he loves his friends, he cares about your well-being. Plus, his friends are nice and they understood your situation.

♡ Always has his eyes on you, like all the time! Even Aizawa has ratted him out for staring at you too much in class. But this is because he worries about you. He will fight anyone who dares to disrespect or make fun of you in any way. He never forces you to go out on dates with him. This boy is content on staying indoors, enjoy a good movie and snacks with you. But when he goes out with you, he orders food for you and asks things on your behalf. Basically, he does all the talking for you especially knowing how nervous you get. It's as if he's your father or something. Kirishima is more of an overprotective dad than a boyfriend at this point.

♡ This guy is big on affection. Though he’s really touchy, he never really initiates anything first. He knows that you sometimes have trouble showing affection back and can get a little jumpy when he just hugs you out of the blue. Kirishima has his own way of telling that he has your consent, he's been with you for quite a long time so there were the signs. Things like when your pinky brushes against his, you want to hold his hand. When you scoot a bit closer while you're both sitting side by side, you want to cuddle. This boy never forces you out of your comfort zone because he prioritizes your well-being.

♡ He doesn't really get it when you're stimming at first, he had questioned your behavior once and you told him how you're doing this to calm your nerves. Kirishima eventually finds the little things you quite cute. He slowly learns what stims you like to do when you're uncomfortable and he will be there by your side doing it with you in hopes of making you feel better. He never cared what kind of things you like to do. You were always repetitive, you always suggested the same movie and anime to watch, he was fine with it. You wanna eat [Favorite Food] again? Go to that little cafe that serves [Favorite Drink] every weekend? He's all for it.

♡ You want to talk about potatoes for over an hour? Hope you don't mind him doing other stuff at the same time. He loves listening to you while he does something else. Most of the time, he would be working out or something while you ramble about something. Different from Bakugou and Todoroki, Kirishima is more of a reactive listener. He shows genuine interest in what you're talking about. He will try to get into all the things you like because he wants to be able to talk to you about it ― plus he can see you look so excited and all cute.

Total: 1739 words Published: 25.07.2021

Thank you for requesting! ｡٩(ˊᗜˋ)و*｡ We hope you liked it! ― author Lou

Thank you for requesting it! Hope you enjoyed this! ― author Natsuki

Requests are closed! Matchups are closed!

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.

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infinitecrime · 3 years ago

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Just a quick statement in case anyone was wondering where I have been/will be. I've been taking, and will continue to take, a short Tumblr break until the SCU (Sebastian Cancellation Universe) wears itself out and goes on hiatus. I deleted Tumblr off my phone a few days ago and realised immediately that all this vicious, misinformed discourse pretty much solely exists on here and twitter, and if I want to avoid it, I can simply remove myself from the space.

I'm certainly not going to be gone forever - the head Canceller has made it quite clear that her sole intention was to "bully Sebastian off the internet", and presumably his fans too, while using POC and social issues as pawns/collateral damage. To quit the fandom feels like letting them win, but taking a break feels necessary at this point.

I like to listen to others who have different perspectives and value their opinions - but at the end of the day, I form my own and do my own research. And so far, I have seen absolutely nothing to change my opinion that Sebastian is a kind and well meaning man who sometimes doesn't think through every conceivable perspective before his does something - in other words, a flawed human. I'm not going to call for the end of a man's career and/or life, or withdraw my support of him, because 4 years ago he (accidentally, for all we know) liked a video of a man being called out for rapping the N-word and being told to censor himself, or because he smiled weird next to a statue while playing a Buddhist character. We can criticise him for his own actions, but these are willfully disingenuous interpretations specifically designed to harm not just him, but also POC fans who look up to him. I won't let myself be lied to, gaslighted, or dragged into a herd mentality. A disturbing number of people are not actually angry at him, but are simply scared of being harassed if they dare to question what they're being told or form their own opinions, so join the herd. The pursuit of the moral highground is addictive but futile, and you lose it as soon as you stoop to bullying, abuse, harassment, stalking and running dedicated, deranged hate accounts.

I'm not going to cancel him for a handful of bad jokes or mistakes made years ago that have been profusely apologised for and learnt from, either, and I'm not going to cancel him because of the years old actions of people he is associated with that he had nothing to do with. This isn't fair, proportional or helpful, at all. It's not activism, and it's not social justice - in fact, the constant malicious attempts to cancel him are only making it harder for him to see legitimate criticism or respond without setting a precedent that death threats will get his attention and a grovelling apology for things he didn't say and views he doesn't hold.

If your whole life was on tape and available to comb through with the worst intentions, and you weren't hiding behind anonymous accounts, I could construct equally terrible narratives from every bad joke, misspoken word, ill thought out comment, accidental like, dubious friend, mistake, genuinely hurtful moment or show of ignorance that you have ever made, but apologised for, grew from and forgot about instantly. You have that right: but you don't grant it to him, because he isn't truly a human being to you. So many of the blatantly and demonstrably false accusations I have been seeing would have been dispelled through the most basic level of fact checking and critical thinking, but through herd mentality and what I can only describe as moral bloodlust, they've gained serious, dangerous traction.

For someone who was raised in a deeply insular, conservative, traditional, orthodox environment, he has done a genuinely excellent job of freeing himself from that cycle of ignorance and using his platform in a positive way, as well as responding when he genuinely has misstepped. He will likely never be on the same level of educated/woke as a ~25 year old American who was literally raised knee deep in social justice twitter discourse, because he didn't have that privilege, but we are all on a journey and progress is not linear or with a clearly defined end.

The ironic thing is: the current state of the fandom is a direct result of how nice and willing to listen and learn Seb has been! The level to which he used to engage with fans and respond to criticism and feedback has created an expectation that he will ask how high whenever he is told to jump, and if he doesn't respond to every little thing, this means he doesn't care or hates us. His willingness to own up to mistakes, apologise and grow publically has created the strange idea that if he's not doing something publically, it's not happening, as if he only exists while we can see him, like social media peekaboo. His openness and willingness to act on criticism of those in his social and professional circles has led to the belief that we can demand he cut anyone we dislike out of his life immediately instead of helping and supporting them in making amends and learning, if only we can dig up some old dirt on them. It's entitled, parasocial nonsense. This is a total stranger who owes us nothing, is not actually accountable to us, does not have to ever respond to us or meet our demands, and has a complex and private inner life that we ultimately know nothing about.

I feel immensely sorry for the fans, especially POC, who have been wrongly led to believe that Seb hates or is discriminatory towards them on the basis of lies, hyperbole and some serious reaching. I feel deeply sorry for Seb's friends and family, who have been subject to an enormous amount of abuse and harassment (much of which has been racist, sexist, bodyshaming, xenophobic and cruel in nature - all in the name of social justice?) merely for being friends with him, and who recently had to see #RIPSebastianStan trending. Mostly, I feel immensely sorry for Sebastian, who has not been allowed the same basic rights everyone else in the world gets: the right to learn and grow, the right to forgiveness and freedom from harassment, and the right to be judged on things that *you* actually *did* rather than fictional narratives.

I cannot imagine the mental toll thousands of people calling for your death must take. I cannot imagine how it feels to have hate accounts dedicated to abusing you and critiquing your every move, and that of everyone you love. I cannot imagine the impact of obsessive doxxing, stalking and harassment. I cannot imagine all of this happening when you have been quite open about your mental health issues and serious struggles. There are truly only so many messages telling you to kill yourself that you can take, and I just hope he has people in his corner to remind him who he truly is and what he truly stands for.

#sebastian stan

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sideofmango · 4 years ago

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Can you do HCs of Shinsou, Amajiki, Bakugo; teen!Aizawa with a South African s/o who has people saying some annoying comments to her just bc she's from Africa. Like someone says that they're sorry that she struggled with poverty (girl is from a super wealthy family that can buy their family), or say some gibberish with clicks and asks her to translate (s/o can speak five languages: English, Zulu, Xhosa, Afrikaans, and Japanese; understand others. Xhosa has clicks). They ask her if she had...

cont’d request: Pt.II - to hunt for her food (Umm, no. Cape Town has supermarkets and she knows what pizza and Japanese food is, guys). Someone just can't believe that South Africa has TV and internet, while s/o literally has a cell phone with all of the social media and has friends/family from South Africa. When class is over, someone asks why isn't she wearing "African" clothes (bc Africa is country, not a continent) when s/o is just wearing basic clothes. People be stupid.

“Don’t Be Stupid” - Headcannon for Shinsou, Tamaki, Bakugou, and teen!Aizawa

Hey! Thanks for requesting! Hope this is okay :)

Pairings: Shinsou, Tamaki, Bakugou, teen!Aizawa x reader Pronouns: she/her Warnings: ignorance, cursing

Hitoshi didn’t really give a flying fuck about what others thought, mainly because most of the time people didn’t even want to be around him because of his “villain quirk”

But just because he didn’t care what they thought about him, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t fuck somebody up if they messed with you

Shinsou is a quiet guy for the most part, but he was super perceptive

So when he heard that the little ballsack haired toddler from class 1-A was spreading rumors about you, he was angry

You had no problem explaining to people about your home country of South Africa, especially if they asked nicely

But one day when you were walking past Class 1-A when school had just ended, intent on meeting your boyfriend outside to go walk to the park together, you heard Mineta spewing shit about you and South Africa

“Yeah they’re a bunch of savages over there! They literally hunt for food with spears and everyone is poor and they use goats as money.” Mineta said

You stood by the door to see what they were going to say before you chimed in and told them what South Africa was actually like.

“Mineta that’s literally cap and you know it.” Kaminari chimed in with a roll of his eyes.

He had been spending so much time around you and Shinsou that he started even using your slang unconsciously.

It made you smile a bit.

“Kaminari you’re dumb as rocks. How would you know?” Mineta defended himself.

“Anyways, apparently because they’re so poor they steal a lot too. Maybe that’s why my jacket went missing after I was around (y/n)...Like I said they’re a bunch of savages, she probably doesn’t know any better.”

Now it was time for you to chime in.

“Why the fuck would I want your ratty ass jacket anyway? I don’t steal and that’s not what South Africa is like. Denki knows because I told him about it. I’m not poor, I just don’t flaunt my wealth, and if you really want to know I could buy your entire family with my own net worth.” You remarked, crossing your arms over your chest with a huff.

Bakugou sat in the corner watching the whole exchange with a small smirk on his face...he enjoyed confrontation too much.

“Oh and we do have supermarkets where we buy our food from.” You add as an after thought. “If you wanted to know about South Africa, you should’ve just asked like a normal person instead of spewing shit. Have a nice day.” You left the classroom after that a smile growing on your face as you heard Kaminari and Kirishima scold Mineta for talking shit behind your back.

Yeah...that was the last time he did that because after Shinsou heard what happened he found Mineta the next day and threatened him so bad he peed his diaper.

Tamaki was a pretty reserved guy and when you two began dating it surprised mostly everyone because you two were so different

Honestly, Tamaki literally looked at you like a goddess and it annoyed him when people were just plain ignorant

Usually when he was annoyed he would rant to you about it or Mirio or Nejire, and then he would go sit in a corner blushing about how he feared he was oversharing

PLS HE’S SO CUTE

um...N E WAYS...

You had been a transfer into the class when they were second years after your father decided to expand his international company to Japan, meaning you had to leave your home in South Africa

You were upset at first but you quickly made friends with the Big Three and Leonardo Subarashi, who was also from South Africa.

So it came as a surprise when one of your friends, Tsuki Vinsmoke started talking shit about your homeland even when two of her friends were from there

“They literally live in huts with dirt floors. Maybe that’s why they’re so dirty and poor.” Tsuki laughed with two of her bitch friends, standing right near you

You turned to look at her with a frown on your face, practically daring her to say something else.

“I don’t even know how those two got here. They don’t even have phone service over there.”

“Hey (y/n)?” She said a little louder, as you turned around again, placing your pencil down and momentarily ignoring your school work.

“What Tsuki?”

“Why don’t you wear African clothes? Like those weird scarves and cloths or whatever? Are you ashamed that you came from dirt poor people? I would be.” Tsuki wore a nasty smile on her face as her eyes seemed to sparkle with malice.

“There’s no such thing as African clothes Tsuki. People wear the same clothes here that they do in South Africa...why would I be ashamed of such a culturally rich homeland? I’m proud to be South African, and besides I’d suggest you do some research before you start talking to me about being poor, especially since I’m way richer than you.” You gave a fake sincere smile before glancing over at Tamaki and your friends who gave you a thumbs up as if to say Destroy her.

So you did...in the end you got sent to Principal Nezu’s office after you made her cry and she lied to your teacher saying you had threatened her life like a dirty savage

Tamaki had to hold you back with some help from Mirio before you decked her

Nezu didn’t really care and gave you a donut from the order that had been in his office before sending you back to class

Needless to say, Tsuki got suspended for being racist and perpetuating a hateful environment in the classroom and nobody else messed with you, not even her little friends who sucked up to you after Tsuki went on suspension.

Why would anyone even bother saying stupid shit about you when you were just as hot headed as your explosive boyfriend? I don’t know, but they did

Of course everyone from class 1-A was smart enough not to start anything, but it seems Monoma wasn’t as smart

The annoying overly entitled blonde from class 1-B, had started out by asking you simple questions about your homeland, things like:

“What’s it like there?”, “Is it always sunny?”, “Have you seen a rhino or lion before?”

Then they started getting kind of ignorant and annoying.

“Hey (y/n)? Can you speak African?”

“No Monoma because Africa is a continent made up of many countries, each with their own languages.” You explained, wasn’t he supposed to be smart? “What are you doing Monoma?” You asked, with a raised eyebrow as he started to make strange noises at you.

“Shit for Brains, leave us the fuck alone.” Bakugou grumbled from beside you after he finished chewing his food.

“It’s you language right? Can you understand what I said?”

“No dumbfuck. You sounded like a dolphin.” You remarked as a few of your friends laughed lightly.

“I’m surprised you understand...I heard your people aren’t very smart...you know products of their environment, it’s unfortunate really. I’m sorry that you lived in such poverty, but you should consider yourself lucky, now you get to live in dorms and sleep in a real bed and not on a dirt floor.” Monoma went on and on and you were growing increasingly annoyed as you friends sat there in shocked silence.

“You know what Monoma?” You said with a fake smile as you spun around. “I’ve never met anyone as ignorant and stupid as you. I’m not poor and I never was, I slept in a real bed with an actually comfortable mattress unlike the ones here, and I much smarter than you ever will be I speak five fucking languages and I can understand more than that in others. Would you like me to tell you to fuck off in another language since you can’t seem to understand Japanese?” You asked as you raised your eyebrows with your arms crossed over your chest, as if waiting for his answer.

He stayed silent.

“That’s what I thought. Maybe you are smart after all?” You added teasingly, watching him be dragged back to his table by Kendo.

Shota Aizawa never really had many friends, usually more laidback than others were comfortable with, but the ones he did have were the complete opposites of him

Hizashi and Shirakumo were loud pranksters, while you and Midnight were talkative and enjoyed messing with him.

Most of the time he ignored the pigheaded bully that was Sensoji, because he usually only picked on Shota, but when Sensoji realized that you were Aizawa’s real weakness, he started to hound you.

And Shota was NOT having that

It all came to a head after he battled against Shota during a training session.

“Your useless just like your quirk Aizawa.” Sensoji sneered at your boyfriend, glaring down at him.

“Your nothing but a waste of space.” Sensoji added seeing the way that his insults didn’t really phase Shota.

“Hey leave him alone! What is wrong with you!” You intervened pushing the broad shouldered boy away from Shota.

“What are you that weak that you need your little safari ass backwoods girlfriend to save your ass?” Sensoji laughed along with one of his equally stupid Class 1-B classmates.

“Don’t fucking talk about her!” Shota yelled back, his eyes glowing as if it was a warning.

“Or what? It’s not like she’ll understand? People like her back in her country of Africa are stupid as fuck. They build their homes out of oversized tin cans and they don’t even have phones.”

“Sensoji you’re the stupid one! Africa is... A CONTINENT NOT A COUNTRY!” Hizashi jumped in, activating his quirk halfway through his sentence.

“And they don’t live in tin cans.” Midnight added.

“I live in a nice home, one that’s probably bigger than yours. Just admit that you’re jealous of Shota and me and move on!” You pressed your finger into his chest on each word, glaring at him as if to say say something else and see what happens.

“Grow up!” Shota and Shirakumo added before Sensoji rushed away when he saw the teachers coming over to see what you all were arguing about.

“Yeah that’s what I thought! Run away like a little bitch!” You added with a growing smile.

“Language (y/n)!” Your teacher scolded, but even that couldn’t bring down your smile as you, your boyfriend, and your friends laughed about the incident.

You all still even joked about it years later.

TAGS:

#katsukisblackteddy #requested #headcannons #bnha #south african reader #shinsou x reader #tamaki x reader #bakugou x reader #teen!aizawa #bnha x poc!reader #mha x poc!reader #I'm sorry about always clowing Mineta but he makes it too fucking easy #sorry but not really that sorry #bnha x reader

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escapewithbts · 4 years ago

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Secrets in a Foreign Language - Jungkook (Part One)

So I’m not entirely sure if this is going to be just a couple parts or a small series, I kind of just came up with it randomly! I also couldn’t think of a better title so bear with me please haha nevertheless I hope you enjoy! I loved writing this beginning so far!

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>>next

You fiddled with the keys in your hand, searching for the one you marked for this particular unit. Finally, you found the correct one, pushing it into the lock and opening the front door with a click. It looked like pretty much every other apartment in the building, modern with a large living space, open concept kitchen with stainless steel appliances, large windows that looked over the city of Seoul. Just another multi-million dollar home you could only ever afford in your dreams.

Yet here you were, entering the home of an individual who could afford such a space in their reality... because it was your job to clean it. Yes, you were a housekeeper for the company who owned this apartment building; one of the most expensive places to live in all of South Korea.

You had moved here to Seoul from your home country abroad in search of change. A new adventure? Something to push you out of your comfort zone? Really you were just extremely bored back home; sick of the same routines, the same people, the career you didn’t enjoy. So, before you could talk yourself out of it, you contacted a job agency based in Seoul, South Korea whose mission was to find jobs for foreigners who spoke little to no Korean (aka you). And that is approximately how you landed this gig. Only a few months in and your Korean had significantly improved (requiring basic necessities like, you know, food and toilet paper, forced you to learn how to acquire said items in this new language) and you weren’t hating this job at all. You were alone most of the time, cleaning wasn’t too difficult since you have been doing it your whole life, and because it was for such a wealthy company the pay wasn’t bad either. Was it what you wanted to do for the rest of your life? Probably not. But it paid the bills and still left some income for exploration of your new home country.

And honestly, the most difficult part of it all was the scheduling. Sometimes you had limited time to clean a home based on the person’s day, sometimes you had an excessive number of units to clean in one day and wondered how exactly you were going to finish them all. But once you came into a routine that stuck you quickly found a pace for yourself that worked perfectly.

And since you were entering the homes of some of Korea’s wealthiest and most famous, the contract and background check for the position were quite lengthy. For example, you couldn’t touch anything unnecessary in their homes, couldn’t snoop around (obviously, you wouldn’t do that for a “regular” person anyway?), you weren’t even allowed to use their bathroom if you had to. The company had contacted all your previous employers, colleagues, some friends, even randomly requested internet browsing history a couple times! (I guess they wanted to make sure you weren’t a crazy stalker “fan” some K-pop groups you had heard about having, or a spy for another company’s CEO). The process was rather insane in your opinion, but alas, you passed, and honestly, the fact that you were a foreigner who didn’t speak much Korean probably helped your case. And to be fair, you really didn’t care about whose house you were in, you were just thankful to have acquired a job after your decision to move across the world that happened on a whim.

This particular unit was actually decorated quite nicely. It was more minimal style, with modern furniture that still felt warm and inviting. You figured it must be the home of someone younger, probably mid-twenties like you, but you also got the feeling they didn’t spend much time here. It was already in fairly immaculate shape (thankfully, it was your last job of the day, so you knew it was going to be quick) and didn’t seem very lived in in general. You couldn’t help but notice what looked like speakers and recording equipment shoved into the corner of the room. This place must belong to a musician or producer of some sort, you thought. You shrugged and turned back to where you had entered, lugging your cleaning supplies in through the front door. Then you put in your wireless headphones, pulled on your rubber gloves, and began by dusting around the surfaces of the living room.

Not long after you had started, you were in the bathroom off the guestroom wiping down the sink. A sudden sound of what you thought was the loud slam of a door shutting startled you. Your head shot up and you stopped what you were doing to remove an earphone from one of your ears. Immediately you heard the raised voice of a young woman coming from down the hall, followed by a quieter one from a man. Your heart started racing. Were you in the wrong unit? Had you read the schedule incorrectly? Did you get the address mixed up? You frantically pulled your phone from your back pocket to check the schedule that came directly from management. Yes, the date matched, it was Tuesday. Yes, the time matched, 2 in the afternoon. And the address was correct, too. So why were there people suddenly in the home? Did they know you were here? This had never happened before in the short time you had been doing this job, so you had no idea what to do. Continue working like you didn’t realize they were here? Make your presence known so you don’t seem like you’re being suspicious? Were you going to get in trouble with the company? Certainly not if you were just following the schedule, right? Your mind was going a mile a minute.

Then before you could quite make up your mind, the voices sounded even closer, and you could only make out a little bit of what they were saying, especially since your Korean wasn’t great yet.

“Why didn’t you go with me?... What were you thinking?” you heard the woman’s voice say (or something like that so you thought?) She sounded angry.

“I don’t know…” the man replied, followed by something else you couldn’t comprehend. He was still a lot quieter than her.

She spoke again.

“What are people going to say, Jungkook?”

You froze.

Jungkook.

Jungkook? Of BTS?

Okay, so you weren’t a crazy stalker fan or anything, but it was impossible to avoid knowing about the K-pop group BTS. They were literally everywhere around Seoul. Commercials on tv, billboards all over the city, posters on the subway trains… their faces even appeared on the coffee drink you had every morning for goodness sake! Since you kept seeing them, after you had gotten the job, you researched them a little bit. Their music was good, they seemed like genuine people, but never did you think you would be in one of their houses. There were hundreds of Korean businessmen, executives, celebrities, and only 7 members of BTS. Honestly, what were the chances?

Pretty good apparently. Fuck.

“I’m your girlfriend, Jungkook,” she continued annoyingly.

Ah, that’s right. In your brief research you had read he was seeing another idol. What was her name again?

“No, Cho-hee,” Jungkook replied.

Oh right. Kim Cho-hee. You remember now.

“You’re my pretend girlfriend.”

Your heart stopped.

Oh fuck! You definitely weren’t supposed to hear that. You had to show yourself now. That’s it, your decision was made for the sake of your career.

You quietly walked out of the room and found the two of them in the hallway with their backs turned to you. Just as Cho-hee was opening her mouth to respond you cleared your throat.

They both whipped around at your sudden sound. Yep, it was them alright. You recognized them immediately. They stared at you stunned for a second before Cho-hee spoke up.

“Who are you?!” she practically barked in Korean, taking a few steps towards you with her long slim legs, her large brown eyes wide, her dark hair whipping around her shoulders, her pale skin painted with a red hue.

“I, uh, I’m…” you stuttered, attempting to find the correct Korean words but failing miserably from being put on the spot.

Jungkook calmly put his hand around Cho-hee’s arm and pulled her back slightly.

“She the housekeeper,” he answered in Korean for you. Yes, that was the word you were looking for. “I don’t think she speaks Korean.”

Not well, anyway, thanks Jungkook.

He turned toward you, his dark brown eyes finding yours. Your stomach flipped from nervousness.

“You speak English?” he asked timidly in your native tongue.

All you could do was nod.

He let out a sigh of relief and said something you didn’t understand to Cho-hee, causing her to step back and a look of relief to wash over her face, too.

It was then that you realized they probably thought you didn’t understand their conversation. That you didn’t know the meaning of any of it. Should you come clean and tell them you understood? Particularly the “pretend girlfriend” stuff?

Cho-hee turned back toward the main room and beckoned at Jungkook.

“Come on, let the help continue working.”

Oof. ‘The help’. You definitely understood that. You knew cleaning the homes of rich people meant you may run into some entitlement, but dang, you didn’t think someone would make it so obvious, language barrier or not.

You winced.

Jungkook cocked his head, a confused look on his face. But then he shook it off.

“I think…” he said hesitantly in English, then shook his head to correct himself, “Ah um no, I thought you were here on Wednesday?”

You shook your head.

“No, um, my schedule says Tuesday. So, unless it’s wrong then…”

Jungkook put two fingers to the bridge of his nose in thought.

“Aiishh, no you are right, I’m sorry. I’m not here very often so I never can remember which day.”

You began taking off your gloves.

“It’s-it’s okay, I can go, come back at a better time…”

He waved his hands in front of him in protest.

“No, no, stay, continue, please. I don’t want to be an... interrupt... interruption? That’s the right word?” a blush formed on his face as he chuckled at himself.

You smiled. Cute.

“Yes, that’s right. Thank you. I’m almost done, I promise.”

He smiled at you again and nodded.

“Jungkook-ah!” Cho-hee yelled from the kitchen.

Jungkook then bowed to you and whispered a quick “thank you” before disappearing into the other room.

You hadn’t realized how tense your body had become until you they were out of your sight and you released your muscles with a deep breath.

You quickly decided to keep their conversation to yourself; no point in letting them know you accidentally heard every word and understood, right? You wouldn’t tell anyone, after all it wasn’t your business. Still, there was that thing you felt for not speaking up right away. What was this feeling again? Oh yeah. Guilt. You tried to shake it off and just continued scrubbing.

There were, thankfully, no more loud conversations between the two of them while you cleaned, but just as you were finishing up in the last room of the home you heard the front door open and close. Were you by yourself again? You listened for noises. Silence. You couldn’t help but feel a bit of relief.

However, upon stumbling back into the kitchen with all your cleaning supplies you noticed Jungkook sitting on a stool at the kitchen island. He was scrolling through his phone and eating a bowl of cereal. He jumped when he saw you, clutching his tattoo covered hand to his chest.

“Holy shit, I forgot you were here,” he stated breathlessly.

Your face turned hot.

“Sorry, I’m... sorry for startling you. And again, for being here while you’re here; the, um, schedule mix up, I’m, uh, not sure what happened…” you stumbled over your words. Real smooth.

He waved his hand while shoving another spoonful of cereal and milk into his mouth.

“No, no, really, it’s my fault. I forget the schedule sometimes.”

You shrugged and nodded.

“Yes, well, I imagine you’re pretty busy most of the time.”

Shit. The words fell out of your mouth before you could stop them. Weren’t you not supposed to know who he was? You mentally smacked yourself in the forehead.

He didn’t seem bothered though, he just replied with a nod and a small “mhmm”, as if to say, ‘you’re not wrong’.

You started walking towards the front door to leave (before you could get yourself in even more trouble), but right as you did so Jungkook lifted the cereal box up from its place on the counter, looked at you and asked, “Want some?”

You stopped in your tracks and hesitated.

“Umm… I’m not sure… I’m allowed?”

You felt silly for saying this as you were a grown ass adult, but you knew it was true. There were so many rules put in place with this job, and they hadn’t quite gotten to the clause about eating the client’s cereal.

Jungkook stood up and walked around to the cupboard, pulling a bowl down from the shelf and grabbing a spoon from the drawer.

He placed them at the spot across from him and gave you a small smile before sitting back down.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. Your secret is safe with me.”

He ran his fingers along his lips like a zipper which made you both laugh.

“That is my favorite cereal…” you admitted, putting your things on the floor and walking over to the stool.

As you were sitting down, Jungkook began pouring the milk into your bowl. You stared at it confusingly, caught off guard for a second. Not cereal first? He read your expression immediately.

“I know, I am weird, I put milk first, okay?”

You put your hands up and laughed, a blush on both your faces.

“I didn’t say anything,” you retaliated.

Jungkook jokingly narrowed his eyes at you as he poured in the cereal, a grin still across his lips.

“I saw it in your face.”

You chuckled nervously and looked down at your now full bowl, taking a spoonful up to your mouth.

“What’s your name?” Jungkook suddenly asked.

You swallowed before answering.

“(y/n).”

There was a pause.

“What’s… yours?” you asked coyly, wondering if you could get away with pretend naivety.

Jungkook cocked his head and let a breathy giggle out his nose as he chewed, it scrunching and creating wrinkles.

“Hmm... my name is… Park Jimin.”

You snorted, thankful that no milk shot out your nose.

He laughed at that, his perfect teeth on display.

Clearly, he was testing you. Two could play at that game.

“Oh yeah? Well then it’s nice to meet you, Jimin.”

He didn’t break eye contact with you as he took another bite.

“You too, (y/n).”

You smiled and shook your head, looking down to fill your spoon once more.

The two of you continued eating, just causally chatting, mostly about you and your move to Korea and your life back in your home country. Jungkook seemed so shy and sweet, the complete counterpart to his “pretend” girlfriend.

Your stomach flipped at the memory of the conversation you had overheard. You had almost forgot about it by now, wrapped up in the random moment of eating cereal with Jungkook. The guilty feeling returned. You knew you had to let him know, especially after how kind he has been to you. He could hate you, that was okay, it’s not like you had anything to lose.

Oh, except your job.

You dropped your spoon into the now empty bowl and took a deep breath.

“Umm... I have to tell you something…” you began before you could chicken out from this awkward conversation you were about to have with basically a stranger.

He put his bowl to his lips and slurped the milk while simultaneously looking up at you, waiting for you to continue.

“I speak some Korean. And I heard your conversation earlier… with, um, Cho-hee, and I understood… well, most of it,” he slowly placed his bowl back on the counter in front of him and stared at you with wide eyes, his lips slightly parted open, “But I-I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry, I just wasn’t sure what to do, and I-I swear I will keep it to myself and never mention it ever again; I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear anything, okay? Seriously. I promise.”

He didn’t say anything, and you couldn’t read the expression on his face. He stared off into space for a minute, then stood up and grabbed the empty bowls, walking them over to the sink and placing them inside. His back was to you as he hunched over, his hands supporting him on either side. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, your hands getting sweaty as you fiddled with your fingers.

“I really am sorry,” you whimpered softly, “Please, please don’t have me fired.”

He turned back to you, a surprised look on his face, his doe eyes wide.

“What? Why would I do that?”

You looked down.

“I don’t know… for not telling you I heard right away. For listening. For… being here while you’re here.”

Jungkook sighed and ran a hand through his long black hair, then shut his eyes tightly.

“I’m not worried you tell anyone, it’s okay. I have been thinking about… trying to end it anyway.”

He opened his eyes again and suddenly looked tired and worried. But you didn’t want to pry. It really wasn’t your place.

“Okay.”

Was all you could come up with to respond.

He glanced at you briefly and gave you a shy side smile.

“So, I don’t tell anyone you ate with me, you don’t tell I have a fake girlfriend?” he said jokingly, knowing he was the one who persuaded you to eat with him in the first place.

You chuckled and stuck out your hand.

“Yeah. Deal?”

He put his hand in yours. It was warm and felt so strong against your small one.

“Deal.”

You were so thankful he didn’t seem upset about the whole thing. In fact, he almost seemed relieved that someone else knew now. In this short time spent with him you knew you were leaving with only high praises and positive thoughts of Jeon Jungkook.

“Well, I better get going,” you said, standing up from the stool. You grabbed all your supplies and looked back up him.

“Thank you, um, for the cereal and being so understanding about everything.”

He nodded at you.

“I will remember your schedule next time and not disturb you by being here, okay?”

You smiled.

“You didn’t disturb me, but okay.”

“Tuesdays at…umm what time do you get here?” he put his fingers between his brows in thought again.

“2pm.”

He grinned at you and gave you a thumbs up.

“Okay! Okay okay! I got it! Let’s get it!”

You laughed and he chuckled embarrassingly.

“Well it was nice to meet you, Jungkook. Take care.”

You gave him a little wave as you went to the front door, opening it and stepping out.

“You too, (y/n),” he called after you, “I’ll see you around.”

>>next

Masterlist

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spookybreadstick · 4 years ago

Note

Hullo! I was hoping to request something. Idk if you know or heard of Kenny McCormick from South Park. If you don't then a little summary on him is that he's basically cursed with dying almost daily but coming back to life the next day. Nobody remembers him dying but Kenny does remember and also remembers the pain he felt when he died. I don't know if you have a character limit or not but if it's too much then you can choose what characters you'd like to do. How would Jeff, BEN, Liu/Sully, Masky, And Hoodie feel about the reader having the same kinda curse as Kenny?

I know absolutely nothing about South Park, so I’m just going off of what you described to me. I hope you like this and I’m sorry this took a minute. This was really fun to write, so thank you for the idea <3

💖💞💖💞💖💞

🔪 Jeff with a s/o that dies and comes back to life each day 🔪

🔪 Jeff wouldn't believe you if you told him.

🔪 Honestly, he'd be pretty upset that you'd “lie” to him like this and it would cause a fight.

🔪 You'd eventually make up but he still wouldn't believe you.

🔪 When people die, they're dead. That's it. End of story.

🔪 Of course, there are some special cases. EJ didn't exactly die but he didn't not die. He was technically "reborn" as a demon. BEN and Sally both died, but they came back as ghosts. If you died but came back, you'd be a ghost-person, not a human-person. People don't just bounce back after they die, he of all people knows that.

🔪 Your curse? Impossible in Jeff's mind.

🔪 It would take you a long time to convince Jeff that your curse is real.

🔪 Once he does discover that you were telling the truth, he'll immediately be filled with regret. Why did he yell at you for “lying” to him? Why didn't he believe you?

🔪 He feels really bad about it, which is saying something because Jeff doesn't usually regret a lot of the things he does.

🔪 He tries to make it up to you by protecting you the best he can. He will be by your side 24/7, ready to fight whatever comes your way trying to kill you.

🔪 If the curse persists anyway, he will go to Slender to ask for help breaking the curse.

🔪 This is a big deal for Jeff, who hates to admit that he can't do something (in this case he can't protect you from the curse) and he hates to ask for help.

🔪 He will do it for you though, because he loves you.

🔪 You're one of the few people in this world that he actually cares about, and he doesn't want you to have to live with this curse anymore.

🎮 BEN with a s/o that dies and comes back to life each day 🎮

🎮 BEN would think you're pranking him at first.

🎮 You'd have to really convince him that it's not a joke, you're actually being serious.

🎮 Once he realizes that you aren't kidding about this, he'll feel terrible about ignoring the seriousness of the situation. He might even cry.

🎮 BEN remembers, although very faintly, how he felt when he died.

🎮 It breaks his heart to know that you're dying every single day and there's nothing he can do about it.

🎮 Unlike Jeff, BEN doesn't believe that he can protect you from the curse.

🎮 His method of helping you is to hop on to the internet as soon as possible, so he can search for any information on your curse and what can be done to break it. He's going on a deep dive to the dark corners of the internet to get this info, and he'll spend hours researching if need be.

🎮 BEN will then do whatever it takes to get whatever he needs to try out these methods of undoing the curse.

🎮 Depending on what he finds, he may actually be able to break the curse himself.

🎮 If he can't break the curse himself, he won't hesitate to ask Slender for help.

🎮 BEN loves you and he doesn’t want you to have to live like this anymore (in all honestly, he’d rather have you join him in the after-life than continue to die and wake up as a living person each day).

🧣 Liu/Sully with a s/o that dies and comes back to life each day 🧣

🧣 Liu would believe you right away, but Sully wouldn't.

🧣 Sully is naturally skeptical about everything, while Liu is much more trusting, so this isn't really a surprise.

🧣 There are two different ways that you could go about explaining your curse, and it all depends on who is fronting at the moment.

If you explained your curse while Liu was fronting:

🧣 You would get a very concerned Liu for a few moments, asking you every relevant question he can think of.

🧣 Then Sully would front, and you'd have to put up with his passive aggressiveness.

🧣 He doesn't believe you for a minute, and he'll make sure you know that with his attitude.

🧣 Eventually you'd just have to give up and wait until Liu fronts again.

🧣 Once he does, Liu wouldn't waste another minute before he goes running around the mansion looking for anyone who would have any more information on your curse.

🧣 Liu doesn't know Slender and wouldn't feel comfortable asking him for help, but he'd do it for you if that was the last option.

If you explained your curse while Sully is fronting:

😈 Be prepared for him to yell.

😈 He'll be angry because he thinks you're lying to him, and also making fun of their trauma in a way.

😈 Liu was very close to death from the, uh, "incident" and Jeff even believed that Liu had come back from the dead when the two of them met again. So Sully thinks that you're making some sort of joke out of what Liu went through.

😈 Yelling at you is his way of getting you to admit that you're “lying” about the whole thing. When you don't break down, he'll storm off for a while. Let him be.

😈 Liu will front eventually, and he'll come running back to you.

😈 You'll have to go over everything one more time, but then he'll be ready to help you however he can.

😈 Sully, the next time he fronts, will apologize to you in his own way by being more affectionate than usual to try to make up for his earlier outburst (and to try to protect you as best he can. Liu doesn’t think he can protect you from this curse, but Sully does).

🎭 Masky with a s/o that dies and comes back to life each day 🎭

🎭 Masky would be concerned for your mental health.

🎭 He knows you wouldn't lie about something like this, nor would you joke about it with him (he certainly wouldn't find it funny) so this must mean that you're losing your marbles.

🎭 He would make you go to EJ to be checked out.

🎭 Once EJ gives you the clean bill of health, Masky would sit down with you and ask you to explain yourself.

🎭 After you explain the situation, Masky will take you directly to Slender for help. I'm talking like as soon as the last words leave your mouth, he's dragging you by the hand towards Slender's office.

🎭 There’s no hesitation on his part once he gets a clear picture of what’s going on.

🎭 He’s not going to just wait around for you to die again, he wants this to stop right now.

🎭 You mean everything to him, and he can’t bear the thought of you dying each day while he is helpless. No, he needs to get Slender involved right away so that this curse can be broken.

❓Hoodie with a s/o that dies and comes back to life each day ❓

❓ Hoodie would believe you right away.

❓ He would know that this isn't something you'd joke about, and he'd take you seriously from the start.

❓ He would first alert Masky to the situation.

❓Better to have two people looking out for your safety than just one.

❓ Next he would go to BEN to ask him what he knows about stuff like this, and he would apply any useful information that he'd get from BEN to your situation.

❓ If that doesn't work, then he has no problem going to Slender for help with breaking the curse.

❓ Since the two of you are in a relationship, in Hoodie’s mind that means his problems are also your problems and your problems are also his problems.

❓ So this curse of yours?

❓ You’re both in this together, and he’s not leaving your side.

~~~~

Note: If Slender can’t break your curse on his own, he would most likely be able to give you some kind of help, even if it’s just the name of a being who might be able to help you. Even if there’s nothing he can really do, all of the boys would do whatever they could to break this curse on their own. They’d never stop trying to save you from dying, they’d never stop looking for ways to break the curse, and they’d do whatever it takes to find somebody that could help you.

~~~~~

#💖💞#💞#💞 hcs #💖#💖 requests #creepypasta #🔪Jeff the Killer/Jeff Woods🔪#🎮BEN Drowned🎮#🧣Liu Woods/Homicidal Liu🧣#🎭Masky/Tim Wright🎭#❓Hoodie/Brian Thomas❓#creepypasta hcs #hcs #tw death #creepypasta x reader #spookybreadstick

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bubbyleh · 4 years ago

Text

like real people do

It's not often that Dr. Bubby finds himself at a loss for knowledge.

As the perfect scientist, he has basically all the information he would ever need inside of Black Mesa. He knew the purpose of every lab, all the equations they used, a complete layout of the Black Mesa facility... It had all been programmed into his mind sometime during his development, though files from that time were something Bubby was explicitly denied access to.

So, for the first few years of his life, Bubby was incredibly well-versed in all things Black Mesa. As time went on, he picked up things about the outside world. At first it was small things, like a song or a location. But completely by chance, a scientist turned the corner from the break room too fast and ran directly into Bubby, spilling his soda all over him.

"What the hell!?" Bubby had fumed, staring down as his drenched shirt. "Watch where you're going!"

"Oh, goodness! I do apologize for that!" the other scientist stammered. "Let me go get you some napkins!"

Looking up, Bubby was struck by the man before him. He was nowhere near as tall as Bubby (who was?), but there was obvious muscle under his lab coat, and those eyes... they looked so kind. Though he didn't realize it at the time, Bubby would look back and realize the thing he felt was attraction.

He was back in the break room before Bubby could react, but true to his word, he did bring napkins with him on his return.

That was how Bubby met Dr. Coomer.

Coomer had offered to front the quarter Bubby would need for the washing machine in the Black Mesa dorms, which Bubby took as an opportunity to have all of his clothes laundered at no cost to himself. Coomer had laughed at this, and Bubby couldn't explain the surging feeling in his chest when he did. He also couldn't explain why he kept talking to Coomer, regaling him with stories that made him seem intelligent! Bubby sat on one of the unused washing machines, which Coomer was leaning onto. They only realized the passing time when the machine beeped, signalling that Bubby’s clothes were clean.

At that point, Bubby's heart had dropped. He shoved his clothes into a dryer, started it, and left with only a flimsy excuse.

They weren't happy about that one. But Coomer and Bubby kept finding excuses to skip out on work to hang with each other, so eventually they were made lab partners.

Coomer would never hesitate to share information about the surface with Bubby. During their early mornings, while they drank their coffee, Coomer would recite verbatim (as best Bubby could tell) the happenings in his favorite movies and television shows. He liked following along to the dramas Coomer would tell him about, to the point where he could hold his own in a discussion without ever having seen an episode.

It was, after all, its own form of knowledge. And like all knowledge, Bubby reveled in it.

Which is why, fifty-some odd years later, Bubby is completely out of his depth.

Bubby’s been out—free, he’s been free—for a week. Sure, he wasn’t expecting his first experience in the real world to be at Chuck E. Cheese’s, but he wasn’t complaining. Because there was something so normal about eating subpar pizza at your friend’s birthday party, Bubby was fine enough that it wasn’t “special” in any way.

But sitting across from Dr. Coomer, Bubby realized something.

They’d been together for the better part of four decades, and they had never even been on a real date before.

Which Bubby thinks is justified, all things considered! It’s not like he was allowed to leave Black Mesa property, and underground research facilities aren’t exactly known for their nice eateries. What were they supposed to do, just ask the administration if their super secret lab-grown power man could leave for a night only because he wanted to have dinner somewhere?! That would just be asking for the tube.

It’s not like they didn’t make do, though! There had been quite a few occasions where, during a late night, Coomer had snuck down a bottle of wine for the two of them to share. Bubby would push down the stinging shame he felt every time, because Coomer deserved someone he could go out with. But for some unimaginable reason, he had chosen Bubby.

So, a week after their escape from Black Mesa, Bubby does research. He finds as much media as he can about dates, mostly coming back with romcoms. He read articles and blogs online about how to have the perfect first date. A lot of these guidelines seem to make assumptions about how well people on dates knew each other. But, well, if it’s what you’re supposed to do…

It takes about two days of doing nothing but binging romcoms, but eventually Bubby decides that his notes are satisfactory. He’s managed to narrow down what he calls the Expected Questions, or, the questions that are apparently required on a date. And Coomer has to know about them, because, hello? He’s been through this all before. The man’s been married before, Jesus.

And then there’s Bubby. He’s gonna mess this all up, isn’t he?

The thought of that almost makes him snap his note-taking pencil.

Around hour forty-three, Coomer pops his head into the room Bubby has tentatively claimed as his study (he’s not used to being able to claim rooms, let alone ones as frivolous as a study). He looks worried.

“Bubby, dear,” Coomer says, his tone wavering a little. “I’m all for the advancement of scientific research, or whatever it is you’re doing.” Right. Coomer can’t know what’s going on in here. “But, perhaps you would like to come down and eat? It’s almost time for lunch.”

Oh. Lunch. And food in general. That thing people need to eat in order to live. Bubby hasn’t eaten since around hour thirty-one, when he snuck some yogurt from their kitchen. Yeah, he could eat.

“Uh, okay. Sure,” Bubby stands, trying to ignore the dizzy feeling. He’s not used to having so much free time, apparently, since he’s forgetting to eat.

Which, hey, another thing. It seems a little stupid, but Bubby thinks their whole relationship is going in the wrong order. Like, they haven’t even been on an actual first date yet, but they’re already living together? But in another sense, they’ve been together for thirty-six years, and they’re only now moving in with each other? In all the romcoms Bubby just watched, there wasn’t anything remotely close to that.

So maybe they’re doomed already?

It’s something Bubby thinks about while he eats the wonderful grilled cheese that Coomer prepared for him. Seeing the way that Coomer looks at him, though, smiling brighter than the sun felt the first time Bubby ever stepped foot outside… Well, Bubby can’t help but want to try anyway.

♡♡♡♡♡

It takes three more days for Bubby to work up the courage to actually ask Coomer to go out. Which is the dumbest thing ever, but hey! This is a big deal for him!

They’re spread out on the couch watching Rocky II, which was Coomer’s suggestion. Bubby is honestly sick of watching movies, but he’s not about to admit to what he was getting up to during his over forty-hour research binge. Besides, he gets to lay down in Coomer’s lap, which is nice.

This is another example of their relationship being completely out of order, but Bubby chooses not to think about it.

“You know what I was thinking?” Bubby asks during a lull in the action.

Coomer gives him a wry smile. “When aren’t you thinking, professor? I swear, that head of yours must go a mile a minute.”

“Doctor,” Bubby corrects automatically. “But really.”

“Okay then, Professor Bubby,” Coomer chuckles to himself. “What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know who Professor Bubby is, but Doctor Bubby was thinking we should go out to dinner sometime. Like somewhere fancy.”

Coomer hums. “You know, I was thinking the same thing. I've always wished we could go someplace nice together.”

"Well, they do say great minds think alike," Bubby smirks.

"But fools rarely differ," Coomer presses a kiss to Bubby's forehead. "You make me feel like a lovesick fool, did you know that?"

Oh!

"You old sap!" Bubby laughs at Coomer. But he pulls him down to kiss him anyway.

♡♡♡♡♡

Coomer catches Bubby staring at himself in the mirror just before they head out. It's the suit, really. It made sense to buy, after all, going to an upscale restaurant kind of requires one. But actually wearing it, is…

It's jarring. It's like everything he never thought he'd be.

"Are you alright, Bubby?" Coomer asks him. "You know I don't care if you dress nice tonight. You could wear one of your turtlenecks if you'd like."

Bubby shakes his head. "Harold, I absolutely love this suit."

♡♡♡♡♡

Bubby does certain things to prepare for their date. Nothing too drastic, no. He's not going to have, like, Tommy or someone feed him lines from an earpiece or anything like that. No, all Bubby does is script out everything he's going to say for the entire date. God, it's such a simple and ordinary thing to do! Okay!?

So they sit across from one another, at a candlelit table next to a window. It's romantic, more romantic than anything they ever did at Black Mesa. Which isn't saying much, but truly, Bubby can't complain.

"This is a fine establishment, Harold," Bubby notes, keeping on script. "How did you find this place?"

"Well, you see, my dear Bubby," Coomer starts but god, the word "dear" alone is making Bubby want to burn the whole restaurant down as a symbol for his love. "I used the internet! It’s quite a useful tool, don't you think?"

Ah, a question! Luckily, Bubby has accounted for just this situation, and the tactic is not something he’s unfamiliar with. “I’ve found it to be helpful, yes.”

The good old agree card. Works every time.

But! Bubby needs to get back on track. This is a very important date, and Bubby can’t just let himself forget that! Time for the most basic of lines.

“So, Harold,” Bubby finds himself saying after they’ve ordered. “How was your day?”

Nice. Good. Perfect. Amazingly spectacular.

Coomer laughs. “We were both home all day, Bubby. You tell me!”

Right shit damn it a garbage fire.

“Fuck,” Bubby says before he can stop himself. And when he realizes that he let that slip, he lets his head fall into his hands and groans. “I’m fucking this all up, aren’t I?”

“Er, Bubby dear, are you alright?” Bubby feels Coomer grab onto one of his arms. “Is… is this too much for you? Drat, I knew we should have worked up to this. We could go home, if you’d like.”

Bubby’s head shoots up. “No!” he says, forcing the word out as fast as he can. He takes a deep breath, then grabs Coomer’s hand. “No, I’m fine. I want to be here.”

“Then what is it?” Coomer asks, and damn it, he’s not supposed to be worried! Nobody is supposed to be worried for Bubby, not like this! He’s used to the medical kind of worry, where the other party’s concern was more for their career than Bubby himself, always talking about him like he couldn’t hear, ignoring his presence except for when they needed him. But Coomer…

Coomer was never like that. Even when he found out about the tube, and the prototypes, and the medical evals and everything… Coomer still loved him. Which meant the world to Bubby, who, for his whole life, thought himself unlovable. And when Coomer looked at him, he didn’t see something immoral that shouldn’t exist, or something that needs to succeed, lest it be cast out like the others, he just saw Bubby.

Bubby loves him. And he thinks he can afford to be a little less than a genius around Coomer.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Bubby admits, and damn it, why is the world suddenly blurry? He’s wearing his glasses and-

Oh.

Bubby realizes that he’s crying.

“Sorry, fuck,” Bubby chokes back a sob. Coomer squeezes his hand. He’s talking through his other hand, which is covering his entire lower face. “I’m not… Shit, I didn’t think it would go like this. I don’t know how to do a… date. I wasn’t supposed to do stuff like that, so they never programmed it into my head but… I just want to do normal person things like go on dates with you.”

“Normal?” Coomer remarks, and Bubby can see he’s trying very hard not to laugh.

“Oh no, go ahead,” Bubby still manages to be snarky even while he’s breaking down. “Please make fun of me while I’m crying and being emotionally honest. It really helps.”

“Sorry, sorry!” Coomer at least has the decency to look apologetic. He reaches to hold Bubby’s other hand as well, which he is so graciously allowed. “It’s just… did you think I would be with you if I wanted normal?”

Bubby is taken aback.

Huh.

“I… suppose you’re right,” Bubby admits, and he can feel the worst of his feelings going away. It feels a little empty now, without it. “I do still want to try this date, though.”

The look Coomer gives Bubby is so wholesome and accepting that Bubby believes for a moment that he’s died and this is the face of an angel. It’s so powerful that he actually manages to forget, if heaven and hell are real, then he definitely isn’t going to heaven.

Coomer is happy to immediately launch into explanation mode. “Well, first things first, for a date, you should begin by talking.”

Bubby can’t help but smile at the man he loves. “Talking,” he repeats.

“Yes,” Coomer nods at him. “Tell me, Bubby. What do you want to talk about tonight?”

♡♡♡♡♡

It’s in the parking lot after their meal that Bubby comes to his conclusion about dating.

“I don’t see what the big deal about that was!” he rants as he and Coomer get into the car. “We could have done that at home! All the movies and stuff hyped it up.”

Coomer, thankfully, ignores his comment about movies. “Well maybe next time, we can just make some good food at home.”

Bubby rolls his eyes. “And who is going to make all that food? I don’t remember you being a chef, Harold.”

Coomer just beams at him. “We’ll order some takeout! What do you think? Perhaps next time we will order some Chinese food!”

This is the man he’s in love with, and Bubby smiles to himself. Chinese food sounds nice.

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #dr coomer #dr bubby #hlvrai boomer #my writing #like real people do

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xanderwithanx · 3 years ago

Text

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

#long post #diary entry

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universalfanfic · 4 years ago

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Fae AU - The Fae King (Person A) tricks Person B into eating something in Faerie. FOR I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO FOLLOW YOUR HEART

This felt very Peyton/Lex to me. Because, let’s be real. Lex would be/has been the one to trick someone into marrying him.

This also got a bit longer than I anticipated, ha.

Peyton picked her way over moss and rotting stumps as she made her way through the forest. There was a faint path from the times she’d trekked out here now. Her canvas bag at her side rustled with paperwork and she savored the fresh air, so much better than the stuffy, stale stuff circulating her office.

Work had been following her home the last two weeks, but that didn’t mean she had to complete it indoors and miss out on more of her day. There was an opening in the trees a little less than a mile from her rental. A creek ran across it and there was a fallen tree just perfect for sitting against as she went over printed out spreadsheets and files.

Maybe some would find it easier to keep to the laptop, but her eyes were killing her by the end of the day, and more screen time would blind her if she tried.

Besides, she liked the sounds of the little creek and the crumpling of the paper, and the natural light dimming was a perfect notification for quitting time.

Peyton carefully stepped over a few speckled mushrooms and entered the small clearing.

Already the air smelled sweeter and the quiet more calming. She took a deep breath and let it out with a smile. Setting her bag on the ground, she removed her shoes and made herself comfortable against the log. As was becoming ritual, she gave herself a few minutes just to rest before getting back to work.

She thought she deserved it after already doing an exhausting eight in the office.

“So you’re the one who’s been coming out here.”

Peyton jolted to attention at the foreign voice. A man who certainly hadn’t been there before sat across the grass from her. Watching. Her instinctive reaction was to freeze. To evaluate.

He was probably around six foot, lean, with a shining scalp and piercing gray eyes. His clothes were odd for the situation. Polished black oxfords and gray slacks with a button up white shirt. Like he had just stepped out of the office and wandered off into the trees. To be fair, that’s basically what she’d done, but at least she’d taken a moment to change her shoes.

By the time she circled back to his face, Peyton realized it’d been silent an awkward amount of time and she needed to get her shoes back on if she needed to run.

“Who’re you?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” When she frowned he seemed to amend. “My friends call me Lex,” he said. “Can I have your name?”

Peyton’s frown didn’t dissipate. She wished there was something she could use to mask the action of grabbing her sneakers. Though if it came down to it, she could just run without them. But it would be a terrible waste of good shoes.

She lifted her chin and kept a careful watch of his hands.

“You’ll have to forgive me, but I’m not sure I feel comfortable with giving you that yet.” She shot him a stiff, customer-service smile, and his gaze sharpened. “I suppose a better question would be what are you doing here?”

His posture was relaxed. She knew it wouldn’t take much for him to jump up, but his legs still looked loose and his ankles were crossed beneath him so she took comfort in that it would take him some effort to spring up.

But how had she missed him?

“This is my land,” he said.

“Oh.”

Peyton wasn’t careless. She’d done her research and the property was an empty lot still being held up by some bank the last she’d checked. It must have sold recently. Or he was lying.

“Well, then. My apologies; I wasn’t aware. I’ll be sure not to trespass again.”

But the man, Lex, shrugged, and his eyes never left her.

“You’re already here and you’ve been respectful of this space. You like it here, don’t you?”

Peyton had the unsettling feeling there was more to that question than she understood. Everything about the man gave her an odd feeling, more so than the usual stranger approaching you on the sidewalk. Maybe it was because they were out in the woods, or because she hadn’t heard him approach. Maybe it was his business attire.

She shifted one foot further underneath her and the other to the side so it’d be easier to stand in a hurry.

“I do.” She answered. “It’s very pretty out here.”

Lex smiled.

“I’m glad, Miss- You know, I feel weird not having your name.”

Giving him her name could make it laughably easy for him to find her with a basic internet search and she wasn’t sure she wanted some stranger in the woods to have that sort of power.

“My friend calls me Tonnie,” she said. And she gave him a cheeky smile to acknowledge she was using his same words.

Besides, it wasn’t a lie. One of her friends had taken up calling her that sometimes. When she was being especially annoying.

Lex’s smile grew, but there was a sharpness to it. Like her not giving him a full answer was an exciting game.

“Lovely to meet you, Tonnie.”

“Likewise,” she said. Only because it felt like it was the polite thing to say.

Peyton wasn’t quite sure how to proceed. Lex still looked fairly relaxed and, besides his intense stare, had yet to do anything offensive.

Didn't mean she trusted him for beans.

But it did mean that snatching up her bag and booking it was a tad more difficult. If he just gave her a reason to run then she wouldn’t feel like an idiot wanting to do it.

“You must have recently bought the land.” She said to fill the silence. “Last I checked it was bank owned.”

“It’s been in my family for quite a few generations, actually.”

“Has it.”

Peyton’s own gaze sharpened, despite her trepidation. Perhaps he was a man who didn’t want to let go of what he’d lost.

“This is the edge of my family’s property, I’ll admit.” He offered. “But I think it’s one of my favorite spots.”

He leaned back and rested on one of his hands, and Peyton let her shoulders relax slightly.

“It’s a good spot.” She agreed. “Wooded enough to make you feel like you’re far out of town without the actual threat of getting lost.”

His gray eyes, oh dear he was close enough that she could tell, sparkled with something like amusement and he hummed in response.

“You know,” he said, “ I hope this doesn’t sound too strange, but I’m glad you came here tonight. Things at Court have been stressful, and it’s nice to have someone to talk to outside of that.”

Peyton perked up again at the tidbit of information he dropped.

“Are you a lawyer then? I actually work near a law firm in town.”

“Oh yeah?” Said Lex. “What kind of work do you do?”

She paused a moment, wondering how much she should tell him. But she decided it wasn’t anything more than one might give out in a run-of-the-mill conversation in public.

“I oversee some processes at a banking firm. But don’t worry, I won’t bore you with the details.”

“Details are never boring.”

“The only people who say that about banking firms are people who secretly work for the competitor.”

Lex laughed and Peyton grinned despite herself.

“You’d be surprised what you can learn about a person from what details they find important. You just have to listen.”

Peyton raised her brows.

“What about details they don’t share?”

“Oh, that tells even more.”

He was disarming. Something about the way he grinned and joked had the air of familiarity, like he was already your friend even though you just met. Usually Peyton prided herself on making fairly accurate snap judgements of people, but she still wasn’t sure what to do with him.

There was something about him. Something beyond the obvious that she couldn’t quite put her finger on which made him seem somehow other.

Peyton broke eye contact and looked around. The woods were suddenly dim and the sun sank down below the trees, threatening to go out and leave her in the dark before she made her way home.

Had she really been talking so long? It hadn’t felt like it.

But it must have because the light was clearly fading and she was actually hungry. Her stomach rumbled and she used the noise as an excuse to stand.

“Oh gosh, I didn’t realize I’d been out here so long.” She said while slipping on her shoes. “Sorry, if I kept you. I really should get going.”

Lex stood and she made sure to watch him out of the corner of her eye, but he moved slowly enough to not have her fully on edge.

“I’m the one who should apologize. I distracted you, and it sounds like I made you miss dinner.”

Peyton flushed lightly at the comment and waved her hand.

“It’s fine.”

“Please, accept this.”

He reached behind him into a satchel she hadn’t noticed and pulled out a ripe banana.

“Here,” he said. “Hopefully it will tie you over so you can get home.”

Peyton hesitated at the offer. She didn’t exactly know him, but she didn’t get the impression that he wanted to hurt her. And her gut feelings hadn’t ever steered her wrong before.

She accepted the banana with a dip of her head. After all, he hadn’t been aggressive the entire time, and he could have just overpowered her without anyone knowing already if he’d wanted to.

“Thanks,” she said.

Lex smiled.

“My pleasure.”

Another awkward pause ensued and Peyton picked at the banana peel as she figured out how to end their odd conversation.

“It was nice to meet you, Lex.”

The peel split and Peyton pulled the sections back absentmindedly. Lex kept his eyes on her face, his smile easy.

“It’s lovely speaking with you.”

She picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. It felt heavier now, though that could have been some surfacing dread that she hadn’t managed to work on one thing this entire time. Peyton grunted under her breath.

If she wanted to keep her bag from spilling and use her phone flashlight to find her way home, she needed a free hand.

She bit off half the banana and ate it.

Lex’s grin widened.

“Well that’s a relief,” he said. “I was a little concerned you might just throw that away the moment you were out of sight.”

Peyton stiffened and the rest of the banana dropped from her hand.

“Excuse me?”

She felt nausea rise up and when she blinked Lex was different. His business attire was gone, replaced by strange, velvet-like pants and embroidered jacket. The Oxfords now looked like supple leather instead of their previous stiff shine.

And there was something about his skin- no. His aura? Peyton had never thought in those terms before.

“You drugged the banana.”

“No.” Lex scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Then what did you do?”

“Me? I only made you an offer. Which you accepted.”

Peyton may not have remembered their entire conversation verbatim, but she knew distinctly that she hadn’t accepted any offers from him.

“If I’m not drugged then how are you suddenly wearing different clothes?”

“I dropped my glamour.”

The silence rang out as Peyton took in his explanation.

“Glamour?”

“You don’t know many stories of the Fae. Do you.”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Fairy tales? This guy was trying to imply that he was some fairy tale creature? She must have missed something, some sign, when they spoke that hinted at his insanity.

His clothes changed in a blink.

Peyton shook her head and pulled her bag more tightly to her side.

“I’m going to leave now. If you follow me I will call the police.”

“You can’t leave, I’m afraid.”

She finally ran. Peyton thanked her past self for putting on her good sneakers as she dashed from the clearing and back down the trail toward her house. Her heart raced in her throat, but no crashing brush or rapid breathing followed at her back.

She made it about twenty feet before vertigo struck her. Peyton stumbled sideways as the world tilted and her stomach curdled with nausea. There was a pounding in her skull and it felt like it would split her forehead open. Every step forward made the pain worse until she dropped to the ground. The only thing that brought some kind of relief was moving backwards. Peyton dropped her bag, uncaring in her pain, and scooted backwards over the forest floor.

And then all the pain faded.

Peyton opened her eyes. The gray-green bark of the trees stretched out before her, growing more gray as the sun’s light continued to fade. The little line of mushrooms she’d stepped over before lay just beyond her feet, somehow untrampled.

“That looked uncomfortable.” Lex said behind her. “But I’ll admit your dedication and determination are part of what endeared me to you.”

“You don’t know me.”

She stood and turned to face him. The dizziness from her experience had died down so that she could function, at least. But the fact that this had happened at all, that she felt sick when she tried to leave him, only made her anxiety skyrocket.

“I know enough.” He responded. “Your soul is good and you aren’t biased by the Courts. You’ll make a wonderful queen.”

Peyton felt vertigo all over again.

#answered #arranged marriage au #peyton/lex #my writing #whindsor tag

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