#and then I never went back to video game
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Something something get you a man who can do both
#persona 5#akeshu#shuake#pickle art#I don't know what happened last night#I took a break from zelda 'cause I was like#I should doodle Ren in a skirt for a bit#and then go back to video game#and then I never went back to video game#and then I went to sleep late and could not sleep#and now I am here#on only five hours of sleep
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Watching Sam & Brennan talk about the beauty of frivolity, of adults playing silly games just as seriously as they fight to survive, and... yeah. There are some things that keep us alive, and there are some things that make life worth living, and I think games are one of those things that fall into both categories. Games make our lives better and they make us better at being alive. I think that's pretty cool.
#k talks#adventure academy#dropout tv#sam reich#brennan lee mulligan#and i say this not in an evopsych way. never. but in a historian looking back at the infinite intricacy of human experience and crying#i know i'm not really saying anything that anarchist philosophers haven't already said but it just hits me every time. it's so good#(& when the lich heard brennan quote graeber we had to pause the video while he had a little philosophical squee)#i feel for brennan not being able to play mafia bc he's too busy hosting it tho. bc. mood#i am rarely allowed to survive a mafia game these last few years#i wish i could invite everyone else who went 'oof. yeah. same' to join my decade-long group of assorted folks#who've been playing increasingly complicated week-long games of mafia over forum & then facebook & now discord for a decade or so#bc oh boy. those games are fun as HELL & we always love new players#especially the kind who will play DEADLY seriously :)
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i never realised how poor i was until i got a job lol
#i *knew* we werent rich but now????#i can just??? buy stuff??? for myself???#i have brought this up so many times in therapy. like. i dont have to worry about food going bad???#or like. not in a 'if this goes bad i wont have stuff to eat' way#and i can just try food that im not sure ill like???#LIKE. i just bought some dungarees on a whim!!!!!#i have always had so few clothes holy shit and im only realising that now#and like. looking back thats obviously why i never went to any concerts or anything#also. thats why i stopped eating meat for a few years lol i couldnt afford it#i literally ate rice and broccoli for my first year of uni#ANYWAYS UM. yeah its sooooooo weird that i have money now?????#i started buying video games for my brother!!!!!!!#i can offer to pay the shipping fees for my brothers boardgames!!!!!#its just. looking back i WISH i could hug little me she was going through it and didnt even notice!!!!!#nett rambles#yes i was crying by the time i finished lol can u tell
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me, thinking that i have at least a base level understanding of botw: :)
blue, about to write a 1,000+ word essay that is going to completely revamp my understanding of the game and interpretation of its events: bada bing bada boom
i dont know how you do it. i am incredibly impressed and using all of this for fic inspiration. keep writing
every time someone asks me how i do this shit i have to regrettably inform them that the real genuine answer is that i am fucking insane. my 2 passions in life are writing and video games and the place where the 2 converge fascinates me to no end and i am that special kind of crazy that is capable of latching onto something and not thinking about anything else for 10 years. so. the only thing i have cared about deeply for the last several years of my life has been the way video games are written and constructed. and zelda is one of the most interestingly constructed franchises i have found to date. these games are just like. the absolute perfect story for my brain to work with and i truly do not know who i would be without them. and i am genuinely incredibly grateful that ive been able to build a platform where people like. CARE about what i have to say and take the time to ask me to think about the games because like. i would be doing it ANYWAY but knowing that there are people who actually read my analysis and appreciate the amount of thought i put into this stuff makes me really happy lol
#i sincerely think video games are an art form and that so many stories benefit from being told interactively via video games#and i'm especially fascinated with the way loz chooses to tell its stories because the games are almost always designed so that the player#actively makes every decision in the storyline even though every game only has one preset ending. that's SO COOL.#ive found myself frustrated recently by rpgs that are super cutscene heavy and i was struggling to articulate why until i went back and#looked critically at the way zelda games are designed and i realized that there isn't a single cutscene in loz that openly takes away the#player's autonomy. cutscenes are almost always reserved for dialog or the beginnings of fight scenes but link almost never makes choices#without the player's input and that's a huge part of what keeps the games engaging! YOU are link. he's not a vessel you occasionally#control. he is you. his decisions are always yours.#and that's generally easier to do with a less complex storyline but the way botw kept that autonomy despite its complex story is SO clever#by making the cinematic cutscenes MEMORIES there's never any percieved loss of autonomy because the player understands that this is#something that has already happened so obviously there's no way they can alter link's choices. that's SO SMART#ANYWAY. i didn't mean for this to be a tag essay about video game mechanics sorry but tldr i am so so so passionate about this LOL#if you cant tell. very few people irl will listen to me talk for this long. this is why i love tumblr#asks
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i cut several inchess of my hair off (it reached past my shoulders now its back at like. chin/neck length) and no one at work has said anything bc it still looks the exact same
#i went from having hair a bit longer than galebg to like. oh god. raphaelbg....#but like. with cutting off so much hair + finally gettkng actual proper layers#i havent had a long hair haircut yet i just had whatever my short hair grew into#+ my hair being so much less heavy. it curls more which is fun!#also!!! i can wear my hair back (like the beforementioned characters) instead of just down if i want to bc#i wont be fighting against gravity so much so thats!! fun!!!#also I didnt cut it. i asked a friend of mine to do it#and. tjis is so embarrassing. i showed her a pic of gale and was like. layers. like him. but shorter so my hair is that length in like#january#and she was like on it boss#and bc her and i share one braincell she cut it EXACTLY like i wanted her to#10/10 experience. i usually leave barbershops never wanting to return ever again#leevi talks#sorry for using video game men as hair reference its just they have the same style and texture as my hair so its easy#to compare + theyre known characters so#yknow#i didnt get a haircut bc of them#gale has leevi hair not the other way around#OH ALSO now that my hair is a bit shorter i match with my bestie (who was the one to cut my hair)#so thays so fun too!!#except she has bangs and i dont
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"WONDERFUL SHOW TONIGHT, FORREST."
a KILLER FREQUENCY Marie Campbell/Forrest Nash ship playlist on YT
"Good to talk to you again, Forrest. You know, I've really enjoyed our chats tonight." "I guess we've had some moments."
Tracklist under the cut
Is Everybody Going Crazy? - Nothing But Thieves / The Perfect Girl - Mareux / We Don't Have To Dance - Andy Black / Night Issues (Nightcall x Daddy Issues) Mashup/Remix - FuturePastPerson / "Bassically" - Tei Shi / Cold Summer - Mareux / Diet Mountain Dew - Lana Del Rey / Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty / Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer / HUSH - Ari Abdul / DTLA - Mareux / Make You Mine - Madison Beer / FEAR YOU - Kat Von D / Bad Romance - Lady Gaga / Dark All Day - GUNSHIP / Maniac (feat. Conor Mason of Nothing But Thieves) - AWOLNATION
#killer frequency#marie campbell#forrest nash#slashers#video games#marie/forrest (killer frequency)#forrest/marie (killer frequency)#together their first names make the initials for motherfucker :) <3 and i think that's beautiful#playlist#fanmix#“you really plugged mareux 3 times in one playlist huh” Listen. if we're on the assumption that marie is kind of half goth#also this color scheme of their character colors w/ the loading bar u see at the start&end of the game isn't perfect but…it's beautiful ha#gosh im sorry im aware this will be more pleasant listening if u have an adblocker. i hope u do……#p.s. hosted in my sidepiece/bootycall channel. this isnt really what i use/sub from on the daily so u wont get much interaction if any#with all that out the way Pls if u listen let me know what your vibe of this ship is post-whistling night (or in general??) + this playlist#for me forrest was never a target of hate but more someone who Really got in the way to the point of getting on the hitlist#if we keep to the “sense of justice” marie got from him +other strong traits then diff scenarios open up where she considers sparing him#and from there i kinda picture the dynamic At First as Feral beast with Shiny new chew toy (who confirmed Can Flirt Back) but then develops#forrest is bitter/dark/temperamental & sentimental enough to meet her perspectives part way#it all grows into a turbulent friendship that goes into a turbulent romance. and Perhaps peace?? s/o to anyone who's into this lol#excuse the non-fanfic happening in these tags but also imagining them bonding from bad parents lmao but from two diff perspectives#where marie would stab hers and probly forrests once theyre friends if he was hurt by 'em#but i like imagining forrest on more of a “they sucked but it was a different time & they didnt know better”#with someone specifically like marie replying No fuck them severely#“Oh what? Youre gonna get revenge for me? :) By killing their kid who is me? :)” / “FINE Forrest I just might”#and both of them possibly being musically inclined but lol for diff reasons went on another path. they can Play oh boyo this ship's a treat
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ouaaaaaghhh i've been on a bit of a pokemon binge lately......... i should crack open my old pokemon games and take a peek at my teams :,) i wish i still had my old copy of conquest and black 2 though............ :(
#gu6chan's musings#im so sad because literally ALL my pokemon games i've had as a teen i still have#up to sun and moon which i got on christmas when i was NINETEEN lmao!!!#but yeah pokemon was technically my first fandom ig???? i used to watch my brother play pokemon yellow and crystal a lot when i was TINY#but i never ACTUALLY played pokemon or video games in general myself until my older sister surprised me with my first video game console#and video game when she came up from florida 😭 a black dsi with pokemon black; i was 13 and my dad HATED her for it like 'Why are you#giving her videogames??? she's a girl :/' BUT I HAD IT!!!! MY FIRST EVER POKEMON GAME THAT BELONGED TO MEEEEE#i loved the SHIT out of that game and then got black 2; soulsilver and platinum; pokemon conquest; got the 3ds games...#i still have platinum/soulsilver as well as all the mainline 3ds games i believe#but conquest; black; and black 2 i lost :( literally my FAVOURITES i took them everywhere with me (which is why i lost them lmao)#funny enough i know exactly where black 2 IS though; its in the pocket of a jacket i owned but lost back between 2013-2014???#if i find the jacket it will 100% be in there; i just couldn't find the jacket and tbh idek if its still around anymore or is in storage#but if it is!!!! i'll literally cry lmao#black 2 is where i got my first level 100 pokemon; a magneton....... i ADORED that little bastard ouaaaghh....#i dont believe i ever managed to get past the league in black 2 though bc i remember being so pissed i couldnt get to see the other side of#the map beyond castelia city lmao#14-15 years old and i STILL didn't believe in stat moves 😭 i deserved to get shot#But fun fact: I DID get a new copy of Black a few years back!!! only it 1. already had save data on it and 2. it was full of rare/hacked#legendaries young me could only ever DREAM of having so i can't get myself to restart the save data even though i rlly want to.......#oh but funny enough!!! i also still have the 14 y/o dsi i was gifted back then; it still works though the battery cover is missing so you#have to hold it lol#but aaaaa so many fond memories of playing black and black 2... black 2 especially since i never really got to finish it lol#like#i finished the main CAMPAIGN with plasma and ghetsis trying to fucking kill you and all that (Something which i remember being so :0!!!?!?!#when i first saw it omgggg its such a clear memory aaaa) but i think like#i got up to the league and could never beat it........ so i just went back to training my mons till i got a level 100 magneton lmao#so many good memories; i hope i can get copies of black 2 and conquest again someday...
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i think all humans are capable of creating and do create even when they don’t realize they are, in various frequencies, forms, and across different mediums or aspects of life, but i truly believe there are some people who were made to create first and foremost and everything else comes second. i don’t know what the percentage is and i don’t know how many were taught to put it on the back burner because “that’s not how life or society works”, but it’s always sad to see the general public, especially those in charge, unwilling to give support to their creatives and help them flourish. it’d be a boon for everyone in the end, we all partake in art to be entertained or soothed or healed :(
#throughout my school years art was always seen as a childish subject and was never part of education#when it was it was treated as wasted time unless you were hoping to become an architect#and even then it was never as important as those who went for the humanities or STEM#ever since i started interacting with creators who are in it professionally i realized that we've all had the same experience#no matter what part of the world we grew up in#and if you want to find a way to eat as a creator you need to hustle 24/7 and make others support your work or you're homeless#no support from the governments no real way to even attempt to make it unless you're fortunate enough to afford the necessities#while you're hoping luck will be on your side and others who may be struggling themselves manage to support your work#i often feel selfish for having these thoughts and i know i'm not alone in this#there's no creator who doesn't have their own self doubt in the back of their mind constantly reminding them#if they'd chosen a more convenient profession this wouldn't be a problem#thus you and your art in itself are what's wrong here#if everyone who created had followed that voice we'd have no books or films or songs or plays or video games or or or or#much love to all of you
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*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”
*doesn’t draw
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“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post
#this revelation brought to you by the one and only#midnight brainrot#probably could not of put these things together without the malaise of a mind awake at 3 am again despite saying that they’re ”trying to fix#their sleep schedule ~”#bah. I say things yet never do them. my brain always blocks any sort of progress with ”just one more video”#even fun and enjoyment bends the knee to this declaration#even other YouTube videos!#when I do break it I end up back where I was because like asking for literally anything my brain does so much pushback that it feels#inherently wrong on a fundamental level#I don’t think I’m depressed I like life too much and enjoy existence#is this my brain punishing me for not dying before reaching adulthood like I always thought I would? or is it punishment for not constantly#going from the end of high school to another school like I planned because my purpose in life was to learn and go to school until I die#now I am left without purpose. literally wandering my house like a ghost when no one’s home#I say the two same things to my brother when he gets home so much that he once made a joke about me being an npc#and the worse part is. it wasn’t about that dumb TikTok brainrot meme thing. no it was because I say the exact same things the exact same wa#y every time he gets home. worse more is I can think of several other ways that that statement could be more accurate that he doesn’t know a#bout#I wish to game but never do#I want to make art and such but I never do#I went to an art class for years when I was a kid for Pete’s sake!#my parents complain about my hair being too long and I agree but I still want it long I just always kept it short because of simple ma#maintenance. the only reason I ever grew it out was to keep warm I. the winter!#I spent my childhood with self imposed utilitarianism for no reason#no reason to expand my horizons and explore myself because I thought of myself as a lesser being that was fated to die randomly before#I could reproduce.#oh my goodness the reproduction thing! I thought I was straight for the longest time because I had to be#because the purpose of a person is to reproduce. yet I was all like”I can’t reproduce as I am autistic and would taint my offspring. I am a#genetic dead end and deserve to have the effect of natural selection take place”#through tv show mimicry and being a utilitarian little git I forced myself to be straight for years#and the worse part is I KNEW GAY PEOPLE EXISTED AND I ENVYED THEM FOR NOT HAVING TO REPRODUCE OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT KARKAT FELT LIKE? NO I
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i've been avoiding practicing driving because i've been preferring being in my own world lately and i HAVE to pay attention when driving so i just. don't. drive.
#😭😭😭 it's so bad right now it's so so so bad#like the serotonins are high but at the same time i have less than 2 months until my road test#i still have 2 lessons that i've paid for to book but when i tried my anxiety went 'uhm dont book those actually hahaha'#and now it's like THOSE COST $550 YOU BETTER FINISH THEM!!!!!!!!!#hoooly fuck. i cannot win.#i haven't been in the driver's seat in over 2 weeks#i drove successfully down one of the busiest corridors in the region and back and then never did it again akdjskdn#i feel like i really should start ADHD meds but i know there's some sort of restriction on it right now#and i don't think i could afford it#i've started drinking coffee again and i'm just. not doing great i think#video games are the only thing keeping me from falling apart and i'm letting my switch charge so i let my mind wander 🙃#kinda scared for next term since i've decided to keep going. applied for a new student loan and everything#and the one course i HAVE to take is supposedly really hard#(there's no lab at least which is good)#on tuesday i'll be normal again but right now i'm just. i want to play hades tbh#i hope there's enough battery in the switch and besides i think my laptop charger is down here#(it charges the switch fine despite being an apple charger lmao. i don't get it)#vent
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the tendency for people to go 'well (x) person we found out was shitty always made bad art anyway!' is just... so tiring. no rowling wasn't the best writer ever but she was (WAS) a decent and compelling one, there's a reason her books sold. no scott cawthon's games weren't always shitty and dumb, they were simplistic but in a very appealing way, they literally kicked off a whole mini-genre of games with similar mechanics and a wave of animatronic related horror.
you can acknowledge that people are hugely harmful assholes without immediately derailing into 'and everything they made was bad and useless anyway!' it enforces a bad-person-bad-art concept that makes you remain unwilling to examine art and consider negative things about the creators if you like the art or think it's well done, and it hurts and pushes away people to whom that art was important. it's always ok to talk about a work's flaws, including in the context of finding out bad shit about the creators, but a lot of it just feels like... people retro-justifying their dislike of something popular, you know?
#just. if something makes you feel smart and satisfied and good about your instincts#QUESTION IT. PLEASE#and when someone's done awful crap please let pointing that out be your main priority#instead of going 'haha YES i never liked that book/game/etc'#anyway much more insufferable than those people are the ones going 'but that's just their OPINION how could u be so mean... free country...#every time someone's like 'the creator of this is odious!'#but that's a whole other post#can you tell I've been searching up negative posts/videos about scott cawthon bc i went on the fnaf reddit for something#and saw multiple people going 'ooooh it's so sad that he retired and went off twitter... wish he would come back...#truly the saddest thing is that the poor bullied rich guy retired with his riches....'#ANYWAY. end tags
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I haven't finished outer wilds yet but I truly can't believe that this game still surprises me when I'm so close to the end
#I was flying around and then out of fucking nowhere ALL OF THE STARS IN THE SKY WENT BLACK#and all i could see was the sun#and I turned around and there was a fucking SHIP BEHIND ME#WHAT WAS THAT? HUH#ive seen references to most end games things but what the fuck is that !!!!!!#i only saw it for a split second bc I got disoriented and turned around and when I looked back it was gone and all the stars were back#WHATTT was that!#it didn't even look like the nomai ships it was circular and sort of looked like the mask screen when you dir#but more circular like a station almost#BUT WHAT WAS IT AJZJSHGA WHY DID ALL OF THE STARS DISAPPEAR!#this fucking game man#the only thing i had done was land on (redacted) moon and get lost trying to find the white hole so. what the fuck!#also while typing this im waiting for (redacted) to fall out of the white hole station and i got jumpscared by the giants deep#i love this game. i am so stressed and scared#im like pretty close to finishing it i think but i have NEVER seen the sky go black like that. i wish i had taken like a steam video#but idk how LMAO
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Nope, I'm still crying
#i wish literally anybody from school remembered me#literally only 2 people i was friends with hace talked to me in the past four years#i had the realization tonight that i was never given the choice to nurture most of my friendships#everytime i tried outside of school hours including trying to join clubs my mom would make me leave halfway through then lecture me#that she didn't have time to drive to town and get me#but as soon as my brother wanted to join junior air force she suddenly had all the time and energy in the world to devote to that#so what I'm getting here is that my friendships and interests weren't important enough or worth her time#i wasn't interested in Junior air force 1 cause it wasn't offered to me and 2 I'm not a boit licker#no#i was interested in the video game and board game clubs cause my friends were in them and they WANTED me to join#but after not getting to stay for more than one full session after a month i left the board game club cause it wasn't fair to the others#and i only went to the video game clu once and i don't remember much of it cause i was too anxious that she was gonna flip on me#i kept waiting for her text but instead she showed up at the classroom and made me leave#so when the same teacher that ran the board game club asked if i wanted to join the chess club cause he knew i liked chess#i told him i couldn't cause i was too busy because i didn't want to deal with begging my mom to let me join#she would have said yes but would have continued not letting me stay and being super passive aggressive#I'm not even in the year book for the year my friends graduated#the one thing she did let me do was drama and i hated every second of it. it was genuinely a bad experience for me#yeah i had friends in drama but it's not the same as hanging with my nerdy guy friends playing a star wars ttrpg#the worst part is she gets so defensive when i bring it up and won't give me a reason outside of 'I guess I'm just the worst parent'#it's in those moments i really remember she's the youngest in her family#OH!! it gets worse! she told me when i was younger that she had to be an honorary cheer leader cause HER MOM absolutely refused to#let her join cheer and she's alsways been bitter about it but then she turns around and did basically the same thing to me ffs#at least she was allowed to hang out with people after-school i wasn't allowed to do that either#no. instead i spent the hours after shcool alone most days and my weekends home alone in my room. and she wonders why my social skills are#maybe if I'd been allowed to work on my relationships outside of a classroom i wouldn't have felt so abandoned when everyone i knew#graduated without me. maybe if i didn't have to start back at square one socially again and had people to text and hang with after class#i wouldn't have dropped out. and i think only atlas knows i dropped out. idk how to text these people without spunding like I'm looking for#sympathy when they ask what I'm up to. like yeah I'm stuck at home with an anxiety disorder and unemployed trying to get on disability#prisma vents
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every once and a while ill see smthn say nier was made because of a joke ending in a drak game but i always forget which game they say it is and never elaborate what that means but im excited to find out because what the fuck could be funny about any of this
#it reminds me of how we realized since we were middle schoolers and hadnt played any games with multiple endings#that its very likely me and maddie never played drak3 to the very end and just stopped when we first saw credits#cause i certainely was too stupid back then to know there were more#even if the game told us we probably just went downstairs to go watch youtube videos
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i <3 2fort forever yay ^__^
#had so many fun interactions today and also learnt how to group taunt :3 baby's first kazotsky kick#i'm a pyro main usually but since everyone was fucking around i decided to switch to medic to see how it is and had not one but TWO heavies#call for me and then killbind/explode upon reaching a certain point. one of them even head an enemy intel and was a-posing the entire time#<a-posing and spinning! even#we got to the intel room and he just turned back. went upstrairs. started eating a banana and then killbinded. never change heavies i love#you. the other one did the go kart taunt and then tried to taunt kill me?? we were on the same team. well and then he exploded#i already mentioned pyro sewer party that was super cute :3 also like my first group interaction. special moment not to get cheesy#AND. and. yet another heavy with a wilson weave tried to teach me how to group taunt. like y'know. do the conga together#<i was convinced i couldn't do it since i didn't have it unlocked and stuff but i could!!! thank you heavy :]#i hope they was me eventually figure it out. had no way to check since they were on the enemy team and that doesn't display names#sorry about the wall of text i'm just!!!! well i just had a lot of fun :]#people also kept standing in those little towers? like y'know blu team player jumps on a red player and then a blu jumps on top of that one#and bam. tower right. there was also one pyro who had the minion fit AND the sign with a minion picture as well#i'll never get those people who make those 'strange people of 2fort videos' like the fuck you mean strange. they're so fun#GOSH. sorry about the wall of text again anyways um. download the game and play on 2fort ok? super fun
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I just realized that it's been too long since I got engulfed in soft fandom...
Might fuck around and find some Porter Gage x Male Sole Survivor soft porn shit or something Idfk
#porter gage#i havent really felt emotionally healed enough to play video games#the night that I fucked everything up with my now ex I was playing Skyrim#and I was upset that he never took me out to dinner anymore so I got upset and went for a drive#I came back and the house was full of noise that I didnt want#i wasnt asked if anyone could come over so i wasnt prepared#i got heated and acted really stupid#and then I yelled at him#and that was it#and now I really dont feel comfortable trying to play video games#especially since he threw it in my face one time bc I didnt take care of a task that he couldve done#... i havent really thought much about it since it happened#it hurts#a lot#i actually tried to hang myself the day it happened#drove out to the lake and found a secluded trail#i didnt do it right and had too many chances to change my mind#the last time I freed myself I managed to rip my helix piercing (not out... I just restarted a year of healing)#called my mom and drove home with blood pouring down my ear#until very recently I had regretted every day I lived... especially after I went off on a couple of stupid boys who wouldnt stfu in class#then had to deal with all that#so I went to the doctor and got liquid tests#on citalopram and vitamin D3#i feel a little better now#still have to contend with hormonal shifts making me irritable#so i try to handle that to keep from fucking up again#i dont like that it still hurts#and i havent done one of the things i love (play videogames aside from Sims 4)#i just want to feel important to someone you know?#and I kind of had it for a while
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