#for me forrest was never a target of hate but more someone who Really got in the way to the point of getting on the hitlist

[wreckedhoney]

"WONDERFUL SHOW TONIGHT, FORREST."

a KILLER FREQUENCY Marie Campbell/Forrest Nash ship playlist on YT

"Good to talk to you again, Forrest. You know, I've really enjoyed our chats tonight." "I guess we've had some moments."

Tracklist under the cut

Is Everybody Going Crazy? - Nothing But Thieves / The Perfect Girl - Mareux / We Don't Have To Dance - Andy Black / Night Issues (Nightcall x Daddy Issues) Mashup/Remix - FuturePastPerson / "Bassically" - Tei Shi / Cold Summer - Mareux / Diet Mountain Dew - Lana Del Rey / Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty / Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer / HUSH - Ari Abdul / DTLA - Mareux / Make You Mine - Madison Beer / FEAR YOU - Kat Von D / Bad Romance - Lady Gaga / Dark All Day - GUNSHIP / Maniac (feat. Conor Mason of Nothing But Thieves) - AWOLNATION

[death-and-other-myths]

The Cruel Prince Deadass Book Review

Jude and her twin sister Taryn are normal human girls growing up in faerie world, which sounds delightful, only it isn't. It's horrifying.

Jude could literally leave this nightmare at any time and go shop at Target, but no. This chic wants world domination. And the dick from faerie school is in her way.

This is an unhinged book review of The Cruel Prince By Holly Black

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

I had a HUUUUGE book hangover after Red, White, and Royal Blue.

I couldn’t decide what I wanted to read next, and was also poor and couldn’t blow $20 on a new audiobook I knew I wouldn’t be AS obsessed with.

So I tried a few free audiobooks for a while… like this one (“The Stand In”) where an everyday girl is asked to be a doppelganger for a celebrity and ends up falling in love with that celebrity’s boyfriend. It was cute, but didn’t really grab me. So I tried another called “Neanderthal Seeks Human” that literally opens up to a woman stranded on a toilet at work because she is out of toilet paper. And she is just having the WORST DAY EVERS. After she somehow gets out of the bathroom (the author never explains HOW, which really upset me and made me think she’s walking around with a poopy butt for the rest of the story), a hot security guard escorts her downstairs because she got fired. And she doesn’t know his name, so she keeps calling him “Hotty McHot Pants” in her narration, and I was just like “I’m done. I’m just done. I can’t do the Hotty McHot Pants.”

So then I was scrolling on the “BookTok” Hashtag on TikTok, even though I’m 35 and have no business being on that app. And I came across this hilarious girl called “NewlyNova” who made this review of a book called “A Cruel Prince” https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMR7roGCk/

Like NewlyNova said, it’s “Game of Thrones for teenaged girls.” -- so the first chapter opens with this cat-like Faerie guy entering some suburban home in California and killing the parents. Then he kidnaps 2 twins and 1 other little girl that was there who looks like him. The protagonist of the story is Jude, who also narrates. Her sister is Taryn, who is her identical twin. And their older sister is Vivienne, who is half human and half cat faerie. Jude’s mortal mother was married to Cat Faerie man, but then faked her own death and ran away with his baby, married a mortal man, and had the 2 twins. Cat Faerie (Maddok) raised the human girls as his own in the world of Faerie… which sounds beautiful and magical, and totally is, but it is also horrific.

Like... Faeries don’t give a fuck.

They’re brutal and mean and their favorite thing ever is just messing with each other… and/or killing each other. Like death is no biggy in this world. Someone stabs someone at a party and everyone chuckles and steps over them. There’s a scene where some Faerie kid bumps into our antagonist (Cardon) at a party, and he TEARS HIS WINGS OFF. Like… and then eats h'ordeuvres. It’s fucking nuts.

The Faerie world is especially horrifying for humans. They’re even more susceptible to magic and poisons and basically have targets on their backs. Apparently humans in this world are not unheard of? But extremely rare. And usually like… brainwashed servants. So it’s crazy that Jude and Taryn are going to fucking Faerie school with the other teens in this fantasy horror forrest, along with literal princes and princesses from all of the various species and factions. It’s like an anime up in here. Everyone has crazy hair and skin colors and some have animal features, or are like… mermaids… and everyone is gorgeous and has pointed ears. It’s fun. BUT SCARY.

Jude hates being a human in this nightmare world and hates being powerless even more. She’s all about swords and wants to be a knight and wants to compete in the special knight-making competition, but her murder-Dad tells her no. She competes (just not as a knight candidate) and picks a huge fight with Cardon, the class drunk, who is also one of the sons of the Faerie-land ruler. He has like 8 kids or something and Cardon is one of the youngest. He’s also probably the pissiest.

He’s weirdly obsessed with Jude (she found his notebook and there was an entire page of just her name angrily written over and over again…. And the audiobook narrator literally had to say “Jude” like 52 times bless her heart). Anyway, he bullies her. He tells her to quit coming to school and accept that she’s just a dumb fucking mortal and she tells him to go fuck himself. Not those literal words. But something equivalent.

So then for several chapters, Cardon and his friends basically try to kill Jude. Or really embarrass her. Cardon has a little posse which consists of Locke, a cool, composed fox boy. Nicasia, the quintessential mean girl. And Valerian, an actual homicidal maniac.

One time they are at star charting class in faerie school, and Valerian TACKLES JUDE, straddles her, and shoves a poison apple into her face until she nearly suffocates. Jude lives, but is high off her ass on magic apple, and is the laughing stock of the class. Literally the teacher is like “Well, I guess this is happening. Anyway, see you all tomorrow”. Nicasia gets her to strip down to her undies. Cardon is being an asshat and is like “Kiss my foot.” and she’s about to fucking do it when Locke the fox boy steps in and saves her.

I was like… all ready for Cardon to be the good guy in this situation? I thought he would finally step in and be like “Guys, guys, this is too far.” and throw a coat over her and help her. But he DIDN’T. And I was so surprised it was LOCKE.

So then for a few weeks, Jude and Locke are a thing. They make out in a tower. It’s adorable. He’s actually nice to her, unlike the rest of Cardon’s gang.

In addition to the school drama, Jude is visited by Dane, who is one of Cardon’s older siblings and the first choice to get the crown when his Dad decides to retire (which is apparently soon). Dane asks Jude to be a spy for him, because she is human and can sneak around in places Faerie can’t, and she can LIE.

So this is another fun thing. Faerie folk can’t lie. They can skirt around things and omit, and can even talk in riddles or mislead, but they can’t outright say something that isn’t true. So that’s neat.

Locke also said once that Jude is beautiful, which is super sweet, because that means he means it!

So Jude is a spy for Dane, because all of his siblings are trying to kill each other Game of Thrones style. He gives her a "gesh" that makes her impervious to Faerie mind tricks (that is probably spelled wrong. I'm listening to this stuff on audio book so I'm probably getting a lot of shit wrong, sorry).

She sneaks into his brother Balekin’s house and sees a letter on his desk talking about all the bitchin poisoning he wants to do.

And at one awkward point, she has to hide under a table while Balekin beats his younger brother Cardon silly. Like clearly there’s messed up feelings in this family. I forget even why Balekin is beating the shit out of Cardon. But anyway, that happens and that’s how Jude figures out that her CRUEL classmate is living there.

When she’s not going to Faerie school, she’s going to spy school. She hangs out with Dane’s other spies like Roach, Ghost, and Bomb (code names). They’re also assassins. They teach her how to kill stuff better. Jude is also poisoning herself on purpose now, trying to build up an immunity to the litany of things that can kill her in this world.

One day at school, Valerian corners her alone after class and tells her to go apologize to Cardon, then throw herself off the tower and die. Faeries can glamor humans and make them do whatever they want, so he figures out pretty quickly that his magic isn’t working. And before he can ask why, she stabs him in the ribs. He lives, but is out of school for a few days lol.

One night, Jude fucks up bad and goes back to Belkin’s house because she thought of something and wanted to double check his desk. She goes back there, but doesn’t find what she’s looking for. So she decides to steal one of the brainwashed human servants, who she feels bad for, but accidentally ends up causing this girl to have a mental breakdown and before she can save her, the girl hurls herself into the ocean.

Jude is having a bad day.

It gets worse when Dane shows up, livid that she stabbed Valerian (thank god he doesn’t know about the servant she stole and then accidentally shocked into suicide). To punish her, he makes her stab her hand with a knife. Jude starts thinking that maybe Dane isn’t such a great guy after all and maybe the entire royal family is full of douchebags.

Any way, that night Valerian shows up and tries to kill her again.

So she stabs him properly this time and hides the body under her bed.

I’m like… Jesus this girl is racking up quite the body count. And it’s only Tuesday. Then she just like… GOES TO SCHOOL with her classmate’s BODY UNDER HER BED. But it's cool you guys, because faeries don't decompose. And eventually she just buries him in the yard. And then she gets all excited about the pretty dress she gets to wear to the new king’s coronation and I’m like… is this protagonist… secretly… a monster? I am here for it. Jude, you fucking power-hungry psychopath.

So the whoooooole kingdom is at the coronation. And the old ass Faerie king is like “I choose my son Dane to be the next king. La la la commence the long, complicated ceremony. Oh yeah, and he’s naked for some reason. Everybody be cool with that, it’s Faerie stuff.” and Jude is thinking… "okay he’s mean. He made me stab my hand. But once he’s king, I’ll get rewarded for being a spy. Life will be great. Cool cool cool."

Then Belkin steps forward and stabs Dane. And then stabs a bunch of his siblings. He spares a few sisters, because the only way for the crown to be transferred is if a sibling places it on a person’s head. But then one sister kills herself and the other GETS killed by one of Dane’s assassins. So Belkin is standing there now, having MURDERED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY and is like…. “WHERE THE FUCK IS CARDON?”

So bitchy ass drunk ass Cardon is the only person alive in the kingdom that can crown him the new ruler… and he’s nowhere to be found. The Termite King (actual person) says that Belkin has 3 days to find his brother and get crowned, and if he can’t do that, then Faerieland will just submerge into anarchy I guess. MAGICAL ANARCHY.

And then they literally just… keep partying.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

Faeries man. They are hard core. They’ve over here doing shots off their dead king and shit. Okay, that doesn’t happen (he exploded into moths anyway). But that is totally something they would do.

So Jude is on her hands and knees crawling around under the tables, because this is not a great place for a mortal to be. Especially one that swore allegiance to the guy who just got murdered in his birthday suit.

Oh oh. Also. Her Murdering Cat Dad was one of the people who stepped up and helped Belkin kill everyone. Jude thought he was loyal to Dane, but he was loyal to Balekin all along. Then right after that, Maddock, her sister, and Locke fucking LEFT THE PARTY. Like… LEFT HER THERE.

Oh oh !!! ANd oh my god Becky let me tell you about this part.

Our boy Locke? Adorable boy with fox ears? Good at kissing? Has been apparently dating Jude’s sister Taryn this whole time. He broke up with Jude in a weird way earlier at the party while they were dancing… by saying.. “How much do you love me? Do you love me enough to let me go?” --- and Jude is like… hmm.. Well that sucks. In the last 2 days I murdered two people and got dumped. Being a teenager is hard!!

Then right after that, she saw Locke being all flirty with her identical twin like…….??? And then the murdering started. And then they ran away and LEFT HER.

So Jude is crawling under the tables when she randomly bumps into CARDON!!! He’s wearing a silver mask… so he’s sort of disguised… but we find out later he’s just being his usual drunk asshole self, and was passed out cold while his family was murdered. Then I guess he didn’t know what else to do so he just kept partying. Jude is like “Oh my god fucking come with me you god damned idiot.” and they kind of help each other get out of the party because she is a mortal and he is the most wanted prince right now.

Jude is trying to figure out what to do next. The guy that was supposed to give her power just died. So she takes Cardon to the spy training room in the palace she was going to spy meetings in.

And she totally flips the script and holds a knife to Cardon’s neck and is being such a badass. She’s all like “Oh I’m sorry, you thought I was helping you? You’re my prisoner, dipshit.” and ties him to a chair. It’s totally awesome because he really has been awful to her up until now. I haven’t even written all of it down. He’s almost gotten her killed or hurt several times. This is totally different from The Unhoneymooners with Olive thinking Evan is a meanie when he’s standing around and doing nothing. Cardon once threw Jude and her sister into a river with man-eating selkies and stood back, ready to watch the bloodbath. He like, YANKED her hair back and threatened her after the knight contest thing.

So Cardon is genuinely shocked and put off by her threatening him, which is refreshing to see. But he’s also being surprisingly charming. I mean he’s drunk as hell. The banter is pretty hilarious with him tied to the chair, bargaining for his life. There’s this part I love where Dane’s other spies (Roach, Ghost, and Bomb) burst in the room and find them there… and Cardon just goes “Hello.”

Okay, so Jude is kind of scary. The spies are standing around like… do we give him over to Belkin and swear allegiance and get a reward? Do we kill Cardon and just let the world fall into chaos and watch it burn? Jude demands that Cardon is HER prisoner, and they aren’t allowed to kill him.

Cardon: Yay!

Jude: Let me go talk to my Cat Dad and find out why he betrayed Dane, and whether or not it would be a good idea for me to leverage Cardon’s life. Then we can kill him.

Cardon: Boo…

So Jude talks to Cat Dad and we’re not sure yet why he chose Belkin over Dane. I guess politics. I might need to listen to that part again. But he is like “If you know where that stupid prince is, you need to tell me.” And she’s thinking about it.

In the meantime, Jude and her sister are PISSED at each other. Locke I guess… was just sort of playing with both of them. He outright told Jude that he is a drama whore, so I don’t know why we’re all so surprised. But he wanted to marry Taryn and flirt with Jude for funzies, so Jude handles this well.

Just kidding she totally pulls a sword on her sister.

And they have this big dramatic fight in the game room where Taryn gets to vent like… “Hey thanks for picking a fight with the cool kids. I never wanted any part of that. Thanks for asking.” And Jude is like “No coping mechanisms! MURDER SISTER!!!”

Vivi shut the fight down. And everyone is mostly cool again. Cat Dad says no one gets to marry Locke because he’s a douche canoe.

In Chapter 25, Vivi brings a sandwich up to Jude’s room and tries to convince her to run away to the human world with her. She has a cute pink-haired girlfriend there. But her plan is to live among the feral faerie folk and turn acorns into money and just fuck off doing what they want to in California for the rest of their lives (honestly, sounds kind of awesome).

Jude is considering it, but is also considering the fact that she is actually a psychopathic killer with a thirst for power, and probably wants to stay in the Faerie world murdering her way to the top.

Regardless of this fact, she tries to apologize to her sister, but Taryn is out doing Taryn stuff. Jude finds Maddock’s wife, Oriana out on the balcony and they have a conversation about back in the day when she was a consort to the high king that just got murdered and exploded into moths. They also talk about Locke’s Mom (who has the dopest name ever, LORAIOPEI… lore-eye-oh-pee… I’m listening to an audiobook, I have no idea how these people’s names are spelled).

Anyhoo, Lalapalooza was also a consort, and was poisoned with blusher mushrooms, which paralyze and kill you. Turns out, she was PREGNANT with one of the high king’s bastard children, and Dane had some crazy pants vision that if that kid lived, he could never be king, so he poisoned Loraiopee to kill them both. Only Oriana really loved her friend, so she did her a solid and CUT HER BABY OUT OF HER BELLY before she died and whisked him away to safety, claiming he was her son.

Anyway, that baby was/is Oak… who I haven't mentioned yet. Oak is like 4. Jude sees him as a little brother. He’s sickly because he was cut out of his mother’s stomach prematurely, and he thinks Maddock is his Dad and Oriana is his Mom. But he’s actually an heir to the crown. So now we have 3 heirs running around: Mean ass Belkin, drunk ass Cardon, and 4 year old ass Oak.

Jude is like… trying to figure out how she can use this information to her advantage.

THIS GIRL IS A MONSTER.

So she goes back to the castle to check on her assassin friends who she hopes are interrogating and torturing Cardon, but she opens the door to find them playing poker around a table and drinking together. She’s like god damnit you guys, I gave you one job.

Alright so, Cardon is adorable. I’m into him.

There was a point in this book where he really was unbearable. I kept thinking the author would throw us a bone and have him show some humanity. But nope, every time. He was just a dick. And she did such a good job of making me like Locke and hate Cardon. Like… he was too mean.

So this is REALLY FUN seeing him be so charming. FINALLY. WITH 2 HOURS LEFT IN THE BOOK WE GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER. He’s cutting jokes and being so fucking adorable with the assassins that it pisses Jude off and she’s like, “Cardon, can I see you? In another room?” — So she takes him into Dane’s office and promptly points a crossbow at him.

He totally opens up to her, because he has nothing to lose. And agrees to answer all of her questions. I bet he’s thinking it’s going to be about politics and his siblings. NOPE! Jude surprises all of us and asks about teenager shit. Whatever. I’m here for it. Her first question is — WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH LOCKE? WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?

Basically?— Cardon answers— Locke is a ho. He is a whoring little fox boy who likes to stir up shit and probably honestly likes Taryn, but probably also wants to get with Jude. Cardon’s like "I don’t know what to tell you, my friend is a slut."

They have all of this great banter in between her threatening his life and him actually being scared of her. Fuck, I would be too. This girl HID A BODY UNDER HER BED AND THEN WENT TO PICK OUT DRESSES.

He opens up about how awful all of his friends are. How he actually really liked (loved!) Nicasia, but Locke stole her from him just for fun. And he’s fucking terrified of Valerian too. Jude shows him the bruises on her neck and shoulder and tells him that Valerian tried to murder her twice, and she stabbed him for breaking and entering in her own home.

This is a total surprise to Cardon, which is a total surprise to Jude, who thought Cardon was instructing his friend to do this. But Cardon is like fuck no, that guy was crazy. I’m a lot of shitty things, but I’m not a murderer.

Jude thinks back to when Valerian was choking her to death smashing Faerie fruit into her face and Cardon was the one to pull him off of her. (At the time, I was like “Yay! Something sweet is happening!” Then he wastes no time in throwing her salt away and demanding she kiss his foot lol) He was fine humiliating her and belittling her, but he was never fine with killing her.

So when Jude asks him what his fucking problem is with her…

He says that he hates her because her Cat Dad actually loves her, even though she’s not even his real daughter. And she has a sweet relationship with her sisters. And has a support system that he’ll never have or be able to relate to. His family hated him and now they’re all dead. Except for the most abusive one that REALLY hates him.

And then Jude says “That’s so sweet.”

Just kidding, she points a knife at him and is like “That’s a stupid fucking reason and you’re pathetic. Why do you really hate me? That can’t be the only reason.”

And she’s got the blade under his throat, and he begrudgingly admits that he can’t stop thinking about her, night and day, and it disgusts him.

And she TAUNTS him, saying like… “You want me. And you can’t stand it.” Aaaaaand KISSES HIM!!!! This is such a great kiss. I did not see it coming. But this is great. It’s great because Cardon clearly has a lot of complex emotions surrounding his reluctant obsession with a human girl who he used to think was weak and annoyingly defiant, but is now terrifying and homicidal. And his hands move slowly up her arms because he doesn’t WANT to kiss her…. But he can’t help it. And finally he gives in and they have this just awesome make out session. It’s savage and hot and I’m living for it.

She pulls back when she realizes she’s treading a line between messing with him/trying to humiliate him and actually enjoying it. So they cool down and Cardon is like cool… so… How about this? How about we placate to Belkin, and I crown him on the condition that he banish me far away where I can be irresponsible for the rest of my life without consequence, and you are granted any kind of crazy power you want. Cool?

And Jude is considering this.

There were points in this story where she was losing me a little bit. I’m glad I hung in there, because the dynamic of Jude and Cardon is actually really interesting. She’s a bloodthirsty maniac, and he’s more harmless than he led on. He’s not good at violence or swordplay. He just wants to get drunk and party. He doesn’t want the crown. She wants to be a magical dictator. I love this.

Jude tells Cardon about her brother being an heir, and how she has this plan to crown her 4 year old brother king…. Then STEAL HIM AWAY to the human world and ask her sister Vivi to raise him on hugs and chicken nuggets, then bring him back when he’s a teenager to be a good and just king. I like how she hasn’t even asked her sister to do this yet, and is totally comfortable pushing this burden onto Vivi, who just wants to live with her girlfriend in a treehouse.

Also?? Her plan is to murder Maddock and uhhh I’m not really sure how she thinks Faerie world is going to function for 10 years while her brother is hidden. Like maybe her plan is for her and Cardon to rule while he’s growing up? I dunno.

Alright so Cardon is like cool, I’m down. I’ll help you make your 4 year old brother king. Whatever. Just promise me every bottle of wine in my father’s cellar and some land far away from here where no one will bother me for the rest of my life.

I like how over everything he is. Like Jude says she’s surprised at how fine he is hanging out with the assassins and wearing the same clothes for days and sleeping on a cot… apparently he was more miserable than she thought living as a prince (getting the shit beaten out of him all the time). I also like that he’s kind of terrible at fighting. She’s over here being miss badass and strategizing and playing war games and Cardon just wants to play poker with the killers and drink. He’s surprisingly tame.

So she negotiates this, and asks him to swear allegiance to her (so he doesn’t betray her or whatever). And he agrees to be in her service for 1 year and 1 day and “not a second more” — and he still seems like he deeply dislikes her/is afraid of her, but simultaneously super into her? It’s adorable.

Faeries can’t lie. And any time they make promises or swear something, they 100% have to do it. It’s like some form of honor magic.

The “revelry” is still going on (aka the week-long party surrounding the king’s coronation whether he explodes into moths or not). So they hang out near the camps of the various tribes and factions and strategize on who to make an alliance with as they try to overthrow Belkin. Cardon has a lot of good information on everyone and helps her know who to talk to (She gets two allies, and the exchanges are cute. This author is really good at writing side characters and making us instantly like them.) — And there’s this really cute part where Jude commands Cardon to sit by this oak tree and wait for her until she gets back, and he says something cute to the effect of “Be careful. Don’t die and leave me waiting.”

So Jude has her alliances. She has Vivi ready to reluctantly take Oak to the human world with her. And she has this epic Ocean’s 11 heist plan to get all dressed up and go to the revelry parties WITH Cardon, out in the daylight, with some kind of plan with the assassins to steal the crown, have Cardon put it on Oak’s head, and then kidnap Oak. I’m sure it’s going to go great and all according to plan.

Oh damn the ending to this book was DOOOPE!!!

I mean I knew something would go wrong. Things wouldn’t happen as planned. But I just didn’t know how it was going to pan out.

Jude and Cardon go to the party and walk arm in arm. Everyone is congratulating Jude on finding Cardon and bringing him there. Belkin is ready to give her whatever she wants in the world and is trying to get Cardon to hurry up and put the crown on his head, but the Lord of Termites guy (one of Jude’s allies) tells him to relax and enjoy the party, there will be plenty of time for that later. Belkin, who just got done murdering almost all of his family in front of everyone, is trying to save some face, so he’s like FINE.

Jude gets into a fight with her Cat Dad. Tells him she won’t let him use Oak and turn him into a war monster. She ends up winning because she poisons him. I was expecting some kind of twist here where Cat Dad wasn’t as bad as she thought he was, but nope. She totally figured out his plan. That’s exactly what he wanted to do. So that happens and they stuff him in a closet.

Alright so then Jude goes back out to the party. Cardon meets up with her and exchanges this funny line where he’s like “How is your night going? The main topic in all of my conversations has been how my head is going to end up on a stake.” *drinks heavily* -- and she’s like shut up babe, I’m plotting.

They set off one of Bomb’s bombs as a distraction so that Ghost can steal the golden crown from its fancy little pillow. And then he mistakes her twin sister Taryn for Jude and throws it to HER. So now Jude is like “Taryn, quit being a bitch and give me the crown.” and Taryn, being a bitch, is like “Wh-what’s going on?!” and there’s this tense moment. Then Belkin gets pinned to the table with an arrow shot by Ghost in the rafters. He’s livid and is like “GIVE ME THE CROWN.” but Daryl is a good sister for once and gives the crown to Jude.

Vivi steps forward with cute little 4 year old ass Oak and is like “Go on. Just like we practiced.”

And Jude is like “Hey Cardon, kneel down so Oak knows what to do.” and he’s like “Um. Sketch. But okay.” and does it. And the second he’s kneeling, she’s like “Thanks. I order you not to move a muscle.” and Oak fuckiiinnnggg recites the thing, and puts the crown on Cardon’s head, making him king!!! The crowd loses their shit because they’re all fickle immortal Faerie Folk who just love unexpected stuff happening, so they’re down with this new… young… alcoholic king.

Cardon is livid.

We went from sexy fun times enemies “hey I still hate you but you also turn me on” back to “I am going to fucking kill you in a year, human girl.” and Jude is even more of a stone cold bitch than we thought she was. She is like 17? 18? And she has the king of Faerie world sworn to obey her every command, so she’s basically using him to control this magical, horrific world that used to threaten her life daily. It’s awesome.

There’s a fun bit with Jude, Vivi, and Oak shopping in Target that I love because it’s such a stark contrast from the Faerie world. But Oak is going to live there with Vivi now buying gummy bears with leaves enchanted to look like money so it’s not going to be a terrible life. I mean maybe terrible for Vivi. She didn’t ask for this. Again, Jude is a monster.

The book ends with her approaching King Cardon on his throne and he’s all creepy and bitter and evil and is like, “c’mere and sit next to me. This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

I liked this book. It’s easy to read/listen to, but feels rich and I love the descriptions of the environments, food, clothes, and people. Jude cracks me up with how fucked up she is. She makes Katniss look like an angel. But I am just totally in love with Cardon, which is delightful because I really hated him for most of this book. There was a point where I was like “Ew, is he supposed to be the love interest? I hope not…” and seeing him display some humanity/humility paired with confidence and humor while under custody was just hilarious. I love his self-destructive and weird little personality and huge crush on Jude while simultaneously being terrified of her. I would be too. There are 3 books in this series. ON TO THE NEXT ONE!

Deadass Rating: 8/10

Unofficial theme song: “Seize the Power” by YONAKA

[ct7567329]

Welcome Back: Fives x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Smut (18+ Please! I'll mark where it starts, so you can still enjoy the first half!)

Words: 2.5k

Corellia was dark as always. You hated this. As you strolled down the crowded street, you held your breath in disgust. The filth of the planet made you gag, but, you felt as if Corellia was the safest place to be. Crowded and disgusting, the opposite of what you liked. During the Clone Wars, post wars plans were frequently discussed among your men. You often found yourself thinking about the plans the men had. Rex wanted to be a farmer, Hardcase an actor for an action packed holovid, Jesse a dad, and Fives, well, Fives didn't care what he did, as long as those plans included you.

Before you could spiral too deep into those thoughts, you shook your head, attempting to clear your mind. Order 66 had ruined all of those plans for everyone, and two years later, you still couldn't fully process that.

As you continued down the street, you constantly glanced around for imperial stormtroopers. It felt as if as more time passed from the Jedi purge, your touch with the force faded. You could no longer simply "sense" people's presence without thinking too hard about it.

Roughly one hundred yards away from you was a small group of stormtroopers. Out of instinct,  you threw your hood over your head and tried to blend in as much as possible. As you got closer to the troopers, you ran your fingers along a soot covered bench and smeared it down your cheek, trying to disguise your facial features. On the rare chance any of those stormtroopers were clones, you could easily be recognized. The empire knew you were alive, and you didn't even want to think of the bounty over your head.

You wondered if any of troopers were clones. With there being only a few meters away from the soldiers, you glanced at them as any Corellian would. You felt one of the troopers eyes meet yours though his helmet momentarily. He watched you as you picked up your pace though the crowd, the slow turning motion of this head indicating this. After a minute or so of your quicken pace, you felt as if you were a good enough distance away from the solider that made eye contact with you. You paused and slid into an alley located only a few blocks from the run down apartment complex you call home. You sat on an empty crate and sighed, pulling your hood down. The last time you felt that stare was two tears ago.

Just like the last locked gaze you shared with Fives.

That last glance.

He was shooting at you. Through his helmet, you could sense his tears. Fives didn't want to hurt you, and you knew that. But, he had no other choice. You remember clenching your jaw, holding back tears. There was no escaping with him. You leapt from the building you were in and ran. You ran as far as you could. Far from Fives. Far from your life. Far from everything. Everything you knew was gone.

All you could ever wish for is that forever lasting nightmare to stop replaying in your head every time you saw a stormtrooper. But, that was a hopeless wish.

You ran your soot covered fingers through your hair and sighed. Just as you were about to stand up, the stormtrooper you locked eyes with was standing at the alley entrance, his blaster held lazily as his side. Figuring it was just a routine check, you began to reach for the identification card in your pocket. It was forged of course, but it always seemed to check out with the troopers. The trooper still hasn't spoken when you extended your arm, showing him your identification. His helmet tilted downwards as he read the name.

He chuckled, "Arilani Forrest? Creative!"

"No one has ever called me creative before," you mumbled, "but I best be on my way. I have a shift at the mining yard soon."

"Oh really?" his voice perked up, "would have never imagined you doing that." He began to walk towards you, forcing you to walk deeper into the alley.

You shrugged, "It was the best work I could get. Anything to better the empire." You HATED saying those words, "I'm honored to work for such a great-"

The trooper took off his hemet, making you stop mid-sentence. No wonder that glance felt familiar. It really was Fives.

Anger and passion fought within you as you stared blankly at him. Then fear hit. Quickly, you took a few steps back.

"Get away from me," you spit out.

Fives' smile turned to a frown, "Cyare, let me explain."

"You tried to kill me! You probably still are! And you just expect me to listen to you? To let my guard down and listen to the man who captured my heart and tear it to shreds?!"

"Don't act like that day was any harder for you as it was for me," he begged, stepping towards you, putting his blaster on the ground. "Remember Tup? I took that stupid chip out after that. That's why I cut my hair. I had to keep that a secret. For my safety, for your safety, for our safety!"

"Why should I trust you?" you murmured, trying to hold back tears.

Fives gave you a sympathetic smile, "Because you always used to tell me that I was the best shot in the 501st. You told me that there wasn't a single target I couldn't miss. If you really meant that, then why did I miss every shot I made at you. I wasn't even close. I was never shooting at you. If I didn't follow the order, I would have been killed right then and there. I knew you were capable of surviving. That's why I followed everyone else, knowing you would escape, hoping one day I could find you!" his smile grew, "it took two, long, excruciating years but you're here!"

You were quivering. As he stared at you, awaiting your response, you closed your eyes and exhaled, channeling the force. You came within arms length of him and placed your hands on the side of his head. Your heart skipped a beat at the touch. As you let the force speak to you, you soon came to realize he wasn't lying. There was no chip in his head. You let your arms fall to his neck as you pulled him close to you, your slow tears making his under armor around his neck wet.

His strong arms wrapped around your waist and pressed your body against his. The crappy armor felt uncomfortable on your cheek but you didn't mind. Fives twirled your hair around one of his fingers, the other hand stroking your back. The only reason why he "stayed loyal to the empire" was for this moment, no matter how long he had to wait for it.

Fives released your hair from his fingers and placed his hand on your chin, angling your face towards his. He took his glove off, exposing a clean hand, which he used to rub the soot off you cheek.

"Still as beautiful as ever," he murmured, studying your face as if he would never see it again.

"Fives, I-"

You were interrupted by his com link. He quickly threw his helmet and answered, explaining that he was simply doing identification checks, and he would report back soon. As soon as he ended the conversation, he took his helmet off and chucked in a nearby dumpster.

"I don't want to be a stormtrooper anymore," he sighed, his hands placed on your upper arms. "Please, get me out of here. They don't need me anymore."

You let out a small laugh, "While it will be a loss to the empire, let's get you, or, us, out of this nightmare."

The dark clouds over the Corellian sky finally began to give way, polluted rain hitting every surface. Rain on Corellia was vile, but in that moment, eyes locked with Fives, it didn't matter. He took off the rest of his armor and put it in the same dumpster as his helmet.

Digging through the trash, you found a battered cloak and threw it over him. "This will help you not stand out. I think the imperial logo on your shirt will give a little too much away. But let's get going. The rain is clearing out the streets."

He nodded in agreement and followed you to your apartment building. As you entered the elevator with him, you noticed he had a look of disgust.

"What?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

Fives shook his head, "would have never expected someone like you to live somewhere so disgusting."

"Exactly. That's why I'm here. You don't get options when the empire is out to kill you," you explained as you unlocked the front door.

The apartment was smaller than Fives expected. He thought the 501st barracks were nicer than your apartment, which was clearly saying something.  He glanced to his right and watched you take off your robes, revealing an outfit similar to the one you wore during the Clone Wars. As much as he loved it, he hated it. He hated knowing that every other man in the GAR would stare at the way it hugged your body, making you look far better than any model on the holonet. But, he loved knowing that you were all his.

"Yes?" you laughed, catching Fives staring at you in awe.

Fives swallowed hard, nodding, "Just looking at the most beautiful thing in the galaxy."  He slowly walked towards you and pressed his lips against the side of your ear, "we have two years of catching up to do."

Smirking, you hopped up to sit on your kitchen counter, "723 standard rotations to be exact," you winked, playfully grabbing his hands.

His forehead met yours as he whispered, "I think I forgot how it feels to kiss you and cyar'ika, I've thought about it every day."

SMUT INCOMING

"Then what are you waiting for," you lustfully groaned into his ear.

That was all he needed to hear. Before you had the chance to take another breath, his lips were on yours, filling your body with a euphoria you haven't felt since the order. It felt as if no time passed at all, he still had every square inch of your mouth memorized. Fives put his hands on your ass, pushing your hips into his, you both instantly feeling the heat coming from the other.

"We need to get you off this counter," he groaned, nibbling on your lower lip. You moaned something inaudible in response as he picked you up and shoved your body onto the nearby couch. Straddling over you, he took a moment to stare at the sight. He longed for the day he could see you under him again.

As Fives grinded his hips against yours, you couldn't help but notice the growth in his blacks on the brink of busting open the cheap fabric. Your hands made their way to his waistband, which you didn't hesitate to pull down, exposing a fully erect Fives. The sight alone was enough to push you over the edge.

"Like what you see?" he smirked, taking the rest of his bottoms off and tossing them across the room. But before you could respond, he pressed a finger against your lips, "Now this isn't fair is it?" he wined, tugging at the hem of your shirt. In one swift motion, your shirt and bra was next to his discarded pants. Still straddled over you, fully exposed, he gawked at the sight in front of him. As he was in la la land, you pulled his shirt over his head, revealing the same toned body that made your knees weak when you first met him. You reached up to touch his left peck, running your fingers down his chest.

"Oh my handsome ARC," you whispered, tracing the outline of his abs. Two years later, pulling rank still sent him over the edge.

"That's it," he groaned, pressing his chest against yours and grinding hander into your hips. You were gasping his name with every push, which only made him push harder. Fives slipped his fingers into your pants and softly ran his index finger up your soaked clit. He pulled his finger out, your moan being music to his ears, and licked his finger dry. Fives knew damn well he was driving you up the wall, and had no plans on stopping.

You quivered at Fives' touch, and pulled the rest of your clothes off. Fives collapsed his body onto yours, the sensation of full skin to skin contact making his body tremor. As you both laid there motionless, taking in the moment, his throbbing cock kept poking at your entrance.

"Fives," you groaned, knowing you didn't even need to finish your sentence.

Slowly, he pushed the tip of his cock into you, listening to you moan under the pressure. As Fives pushed in further, his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He steadily thrusted in and out, giving you enough time to adjust to his size. Every next thrust came faster and harder. Your jaw was clenched as you groaned, trying to hold back the orgasm.

"I know you're close cyare," he said between thrusts, "where do you want it?"

Breathing heavily, you put your hands on Fives' lower back, preventing him to pull out for another thrust, "The damn war is over and we can finally live our dreams," you gasped for air, "it's a risk we can now take." You let go of his back and he continued to pump into you. As soon as you felt as if he was on the verge of splitting you right up the middle, you let out a loud moan as your walls clenched around his cock, which was simultaneously, filling you up. Fives laid down on top of you, still inside you, as you both rode out your orgasms.

"Fives," you panted, running your fingers through his hair. He smiled and shut his eyes, placing his head on your chest, listening to your rapid heartbeat.

"Oh maker, I love you," he wined, nuzzling his head into your neck. He slid his softening cock out of you and got up, grabbing a blanket from across the room. You stared at his naked body, shining with the sweat you two just created. It was like staring at an ancient god. He laid the blanket over you and sat down, pulling you onto his chest.

"Welcome back my love," you smiled, tracing your finger on his chest.

"Hope I wasn't gone too long," he winked, watching you fall asleep in his arms.

It took two years, but finally, the post war dreams you shared were finally coming true.

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[greyknighterotica]

So since there are leaks and it’s no longer fun, here is my final GoT predictions thread for season 7 (but also season 8).

I’m not going to go into it much because, again, leaks have made it not fun for me. There’s no way for these predictions to be seen as earnest or from me anymore so, here we go with minimal reasoning, final GoT predictions for quite some time maybe ever depending on how season 7 shakes out and how right/wrong I am.

HERE WE GO SPOILERS

Citadel Under Siege  

The Citadel is either the target of The Night King and his army or it is attacked by a few people from within (much more likely). The citadel will go up in flames and I predict there will be a great deal of undeath/wights. This will columinate when Sam has to go down into the forbidden section of the library between the two columns and face the undeath 

Aftermath -  Grand/Arch/First Female in the citadel Maester Gilly. Head of studies and reading, Sam. Dragonglass as the hidden component of valyrian steel is revealed. The Citadel’s ‘knowledge’ is mostly lost, but Gilly leads enough maesters to survive that they can start over. All her learning to read and survive sieges/PTSD beyond the wall makes her the best leader in earnestness, it’s not fan service. Gilly and Sam survive The Song.

The North Forgot

The North forgot, long ago, what it was supposed to be remembering. That the First men (not many left but Starks, some people in the Vale, some Mormonts) and the children of the forest had a war. A big one. One that changed a single continent into two, Westeros and Essos (West and East, from before when they were one). 

The war itself wasn’t the big deal, wars happen. IT’s what happened in the war. First men died. Their corpses could be resurrected. The war hurt them both. They put their differences aside, pushed back the first Night King (not the same one as now, at least in body). and when they combined forces undeath stood no chance, a wall was build, the Age of Heroes began and lasted until the Andals (think vikings invading England in the 800-1100 years) invaded and the first men had to become less “Barbaric” and embrace the new ways.

Big Reveals - Westeros and Essos were one land. The Children of the forest use weirwoods/Godswoods and greenmagic to communicate with the first men. Some first men, who didn’t interbred with the Andals and later Valyrians have green-blood in them and can “warg” with it, which is a hybrid human/children of the forest power.

I’m not sure where this is going to go, but my theory is there’s a big, green site that The Night King wants to get to, similar to what we saw beyond the wall. Likely under a sept or fort. It’s huge, it’s got vines and Brann can plug into it and amplify his power by a factor of 100. It will allow him to truly become Three Eyed Raven, an entity that no longer sees in place or time, but what all the Three Eyed Ravens have seen and will see, along with the godswoods and their faces. It will allow Brann to see/commune/find the final answer to the NK and his voice.

Magic Never Left

This one took me awhile. I couldn’t figure out dragons. Probably because I spent the first book not believing in them at all. Dire wolves or giants either. 

But they kept saying what magic was. I just wasn’t listening. I understand it’s rules, the basic ones at least. More or less? There are at least three “magical” races walking around, likely more. They are Dragons, The Giants and Dire Wolves.

Giants were made by the Children of the Forrest, likely after White Walkers went wrong (they made those too, but White Walkers got a king and started making their own). Or maybe before. But Giants are literally shock troops made by olden types. Dragons are literally magic made by old Valyrian “fire mages.” That’s what a “Fire mage” was. Someone who made dragons out of magic. I don’t know how. The “Doom” of Valyria is about fire magic going wrong, the same way I imagine it did way back when the first men were using it and exploded the middle area between Essos and Westeros. 

Predictions - First Men made Direwolves, Children made Giants, Valyrians made dragons. All of these things are magical conduits, that are not only made of magic, but react to it, amplify it. There are certain bloodlines that have a lot more power than other, likely because of breeding long before some things did or did not happen.

Whatmore, first men? Because they have the greenblood in them? Are immune to what I’m about to talk about next. The Andals are mostly interbred with the First Men so they are innoculated or there’s a herd immunity thing going on. But Valyrians? Targereans? They...they don’t have green blood. They’re still high on their own magic supply. Which means they hear...

Side note because it’s too much fun? There will be a Kraken. A Levithan of some sort. Euron knows it. That’s what he found before he came back. He foudn a way to find it, summon it. It’s his ace in the hole. It turns the two way fight into a three way fight which is why Davos/Reek/Salador go pirate on his flagship to rescue Yara and prolly one other major bloodline, mebbe Gendry as the last Baratheon, because the final bloodrites can go on.

The Corrupting Voice

King’s Landing is a shitty dry-dock built a few hundred years ago. It was built then because the Targereans never gave a shit about anything west until their empire fell. Then one of them, RIGHT AFTER THEIR EMPIRE FELL, had a dream that said to go to dragonstone.To take your dragons to dragonstone.

Where there is dragonglass.

The thing is, this is the one part of the story I can’t figure out. If that was a good guy or a bad guy who told her to do that in a dream. And then I realized, it didn’t matter, because SOMEONE was telling her to do it. And it was either the best or worst thing to happen to everyone in Westeros. Which means...

There is a dark inversion to Brann’s power, which is NOT going back in time. It’s reaching into people’s minds. He cannot alter the past, but he CAN speak into people’s minds from ‘beyond time.’ It’s not beyond time, it’s part of the ancient tree internet. 

The Night King can do this to. And not only can he, he has been, all long. Aegon staring into the flames screaming ‘burn them all’ was talking about the night king and the undead, who filled his head, because the NK was in him whispering paranoid thoughts through the flames. Just as Brann reached Ned with his scream, and young Ned turned, the NK can reach you too. And the less green blood you have you (for our purposes, the more Targerean) the more you can hear him.

The closer he is to you the more he can affect you.

Predictions - The NK has been corrupting Dany since she landed, Aegon and the others because they have no greenblood in them. He’s been trying to get them to waste their dragons because they can hurt him or, worse yet, he wants to get to an undead dragon. The magical power of dragons? He wants them under his control either way. And he’s coming for them. He’s making Cersei more crazy than ever “TOMMEN BETRAYED ME!” and playing both sides because all he wants is...

A Dance With Dragons

The Valyrians were the only thing that kept the Doth’Raki in check. 

The dyntasys of Westeros were the only thing keeping all out civil war in check.

There are more bodies on the field, less magical fire wielders, than ever. Which means that after a dance with dragons? No matter who wins? They loose. Because he can simply raise his hands to the sky and now he has both armies fighting for him.

Predictions - Qyburn is literally is dead before we meet him and has made a ultra-zombie. Who--still thinks he’s not on the NK’s side and why you bother me so much. 

Qyburn will either help a betrayed by Highgarden/Euron/Dorne Cersei raise the dead so she can win, or do it anyway.

Jaime will become The Queenslayer after Cersei revives the dead.

Cersei will either be undead or Jaime has to flee from the rest of undeath consuming King’s Landing (which will likely be burning as undeath consumes it). 

The NK’s armies will finally be complete. He is ready. 

The Long Night

I’m not sure what triggers it. In my mind the NK has to get somewhere of significance, but he could just reach inside a dead or dying dragon and then boom, it’s nighttime now, I wouldn’t hate that. 

But his final army is ready. 

Predictions - The NK’s final army is going to be something, I mean something. Here are just a few of the things you will see in the NK’s army.

- An undead Direwolf/Whitewalker cavalry charge 

- An entire regiment of wights with spears and swords sticking out of them, likely unsullied, like unliving porcupines.

- Heavy, heavy knights in plate that can’t be taken down or hit but shamble on.

- A single commander on the field, with the body of a beautiful man, and the head of a direwolf.

- At least one super massive fucking undead dragon fuck yeah.

The North Remembers

The first men from The Vale who Tyrion rode with in season/book 1 return. So do the Mormonts. The Starks. The Wargers and the seers. The old houses and the new. They all remember why there is a wall. Why there must always be a Stark in Winterfell. Why The Twins was built and who it was really designed to stop. 

The Children of the Forrest who have been hiding in plane sight the entire time are either long dead at this point (Melissendre, Thoros of Mir, etc) or have told everyone the secrets.

The fire isn’t good or bad. The NK doesn’t hate fire. He brings the cold because he eats the fire. The fire in you that keeps you alive, he eats it to make you a wight. The fire in you that makes you have finite life, he eats to make you a white walker. He eats the passion of your ambitions and leaves only the wants and paranoia that come along with them.

He’s a fire eater. Just like everyone else who wants dragons, who wants crowns. he’s no different. Just playing a longer game. He was, I think, an old Valyrian. I think the misdirect of the first Night King and his sacrifices with his play stranger is a reference more to Melissendre and Stannis. How a good man with good station and claim can be lead astray. To do the right things for the wrong reasons. 

Melissendre has been corrupted entirely, or was working for him all laong, but that seems like a horrible disdirect even her shock and character development the last two seasons. No, she’s from the East, like Dany. She saw what she did in the flames, like him. But unlike The Hound, she has no greenblood, and she has no doubt. So when the NK gave her visions, answers, she took them, even though she was mostly wrong. 

Or, worse yet, since MElissendre saved the Wall? The good guys just wanted her to do all that to save the wall. Didn’t care who else died. Not that they’d be wrong. Which means that all this final prediction thread is missing is.

The Hero

Storytelling has come a long way since Tolkien. There is no “principle hero” here. If you’re looking for the person who does the most good and right? Probably Sam. Once he teaches everyone how to defend against the dead and defeat them, he’ll also teach everyone how to grow wheat. At least according to the books.

But the hero that needs to be revealed and hasn’t? He’s not Jon Snow. If he is I’ll just die. If Jon Snow is the dude holdin gthe flaming sword of light to fight back the Night King? It’s just so on the nose. I’m fine with Dany going “mad” and burning him via dragon and having him not burn, fine. A-OK. But he’s not the holder of the flaming sword.

That’s The Hound.

The Hound has been the one who has trouble seeing his good, and all of his evil as self brought. A character in season 4 or 5 says to Hodor “If I were as big as you I’d rule the seven kingdoms...” and nobody says that to The Hound.

Even though The Hound is more ethical, moral and frankly good than just about anyone on the show. A “hungry dog” as the Arch Maester calls mankind, not good or bad, just being a dog.

Beric will die. Thoros too. There will be no more flaming swords. 

The Hound will either have to pick up Beric’s or Thoros’ final blessed, flaming sword.The last one by the last hidden magi.

And it’s going to be fucking awesome. 

[beyondstr8]

1-150🤧

@tellmeonasunday​ I should have kept my mouth shut.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My most recent ex.2. Are you outgoing or shy? Half and half, depending on my mood and how comfortable i am with you.3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My best friend when she comes home again4. Are you easy to get along with? 99% of the time yes5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? I mean I’d hope so6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Those who are goal oriented, want to achieve things in life, can joke around a lot and i’m working on surrounding myself with positive people.7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I have no idea.8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? I don’t like guys but Jason Momoa can get it no matter how gay i might be9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? If it’s someone I just met or came out to and they say “so how does lesbian sex work? is it even sex? nothing gets inserted right?” I’m a lil uncomfortable.10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Amy or Savannah11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “I haven’t kissed anyone in a year and i’m dying” lmfaooooo12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Oh man... I’m on an Amine, Kane Brown, Khalid, and Metallica kick currently so basically anything by them.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Jesus fuck yes 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? I think so15. What good thing happened this summer? Finally got in touch with myself16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Fuck no she owes me money lmao17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Yes, there’s no way that all of the life in the universe happens to be where we stand.18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No, I don’t talk to my kindergarten teacher’s daughter.19. Do you like bubble baths? I don’t want to marinate in my own filth20. Do you like your neighbors? Considering my neighbor is my grandma, i think shes okay.21. What are you bad habits? Biting my fingernails when i have anxiety22. Where would you like to travel? Literally anywhere I haven’t been23. Do you have trust issues? Only if I get a bad vibe from someone24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Hyping myself up for work in the morning with music25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My tummy.26. What do you do when you wake up? Snooze my alarm and go tf back to sleep27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I’m content with it28. Who are you most comfortable around? Savannah, my best friend29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No30. Do you ever want to get married? Absolutely31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? It has been every day so far32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Ruby Rose and Carrie Underwood33. Spell your name with your chin. No thank you34. Do you play sports? What sports? I played softball for 14 years.35. Would you rather live without TV or music? I don’t watch tv anyways36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes37. What do you say during awkward silences? Whatever is on my mind38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Shorter than me, a little feminine but not high maintenance like always having their hair/nails done, smart, funny af, gotta be a good friend, and they gotta like me back39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Target, Tjmaxx, bealls, and Bass pro40. What do you want to do after high school? I went to college for a year on a softball scholarship, then became an emt and now i’m working at target41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Not everyone42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I either don’t like you at all or i’m secretly in love with you43. Do you smile at strangers? I try to44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? The ocean is my shit45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? The paycheck46. What are you paranoid about? Nothing that i can think of47. Have you ever been high? No48. Have you ever been drunk? i wouldn’t say drunk, but i was feeling it49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? my mom would kill me if she found out i drink50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Red51. Ever wished you were someone else? not really52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? How quickly i let my guard down53. Favourite makeup brand? i don’t wear makeup54. Favourite store? Target55. Favourite blog? mine lmao56. Favourite colour? blue, always will be57. Favourite food? anything that’s bad for me, particularly chocolate and pasta and breads58. Last thing you ate? chocolate lmfao59. First thing you ate this morning? Strawberry frosted pop tarts60. Ever won a competition? For what? Yes for a lot of things61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? I’ve never even had a detention lol62. Been arrested? For what? no63. Ever been in love? thought i was64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Lmfaooooo it was my best friend65. Are you hungry right now? I’m always hungry66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I don’t have any tumblr friends67. Facebook or Twitter? facebook68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? No70. Names of your bestfriends? Savannah, Katie, and Amy71. Craving something? What? Love and affection and chocolate72. What colour are your towels? blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 173. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? maybe like.. 475. Favourite animal? Doggos76. What colour is your underwear? Grey77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Chocolate fudge brownie79. What colour shirt are you wearing? white80. What colour pants? I’m not wearing pants lol81. Favourite tv show? That 70′s show, reba, friends82. Favourite movie? Forrest Gump, Moana83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? the gay guy, i forgot his name86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? the little shrimp guy87. First person you talked to today? Jas88. Last person you talked to today? Jas lmao89. Name a person you hate? Trump and his whole cabinet90. Name a person you love? my momma91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Trump and his whole cabinet92. In a fight with someone? Trump and his whole cabinet93. How many sweatpants do you have? 4 pairs94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? i have like 5 but i only wear 195. Last movie you watched? Moana or the water boy96. Favourite actress? Sandra Bullock currently97. Favourite actor? tom hanks or adam sandler98. Do you tan a lot? No i go straight from white to red99. Have any pets? No100. How are you feeling? content but tired101. Do you type fast? on my phone yes102. Do you regret anything from your past? I just wish i said something sooner103. Can you spell well? yes104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yes105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes106. Ever broken someone’s heart? im not sure107. Have you ever been on a horse? when i was like 4 at a fair108. What should you be doing? probably sleeping109. Is something irritating you right now? how many fucking questions there are110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? oh yes111. Do you have trust issues? kind of112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? i rarely cry in front of people but probably my mom113. What was your childhood nickname? Steph, always has been114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes115. Do you play the Wii? no116. Are you listening to music right now? always117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? when im sick118. Do you like Chinese food? noooooo119. Favourite book? the Crank series by ellen hopkins120. Are you afraid of the dark? only if i hear something121. Are you mean? no, i try to be as nice as possible but if you fuck w my friends its going down122. Is cheating ever okay? fuck no123. Can you keep white shoes clean? also fuck no124. Do you believe in love at first sight? i believe in the click125. Do you believe in true love? im not sure126. Are you currently bored? no i have plenty of questions to answer127. What makes you happy? getting good amounts of sleep, meeting deadlines at work, and my best friend128. Would you change your name? no129. What your zodiac sign? cancer130. Do you like subway? yes131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? sorry pal132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? savannah or amy133. Favourite lyrics right now? so many, idk134. Can you count to one million? if i had the time and patience135. Dumbest lie you ever told? i hid my dad’s wallet from him when i was like 4 and i said i didnt know where it was136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed af137. How tall are you? 5′8138. Curly or Straight hair? mine is the straightest part about me139. Brunette or Blonde? blonde as hell140. Summer or Winter? summer141. Night or Day? daytime but im also a night owl ???142. Favourite month? june bc of my birthday and its halfway through the year143. Are you a vegetarian? no144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? all, but dark145. Tea or Coffee? medium mocha iced coffee with cream and sugar from dunkin146. Was today a good day? it’s payday, its friday, and i don’t work for 4 days. 147. Mars or Snickers? snickers148. What’s your favourite quote? i can’t think of anything rn but probably something cheesy149. Do you believe in ghosts? idk about “ghosts” but i believe in spirits150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Of course, i know he has to work until 5:30″ (via catscuddlingandyou)

[moviessilently]

Stage star Lenore Ulric brings her signature role to the screen in this melodrama set in Canada. We have Mounties, trees and bloody revenge. The usual Hollywood Canadian wilderness picture, in other words, but we have the added bonus of a super Mountie and a location shoot in Yosemite.

Home Media Availability: Released on DVD.

This is my contribution to the O Canada Blogathon hosted by Silver Screenings and Speakeasy. Be sure to read all the other reviews!

Go get ‘em, tiger!

I do love Mountie flicks and I know I’m not alone. What’s not to love about noble gents in great hands tracking down evildoers? Unfortunately, the quality of Mountie pictures can be described as spotty at best. For every piece of quality entertainment, we have a few bombs. For example, Nomads of the North features Lon Chaney as a sexy fur trapper. Really. Where the North Holds Sway is essentially a western with more flannel. See what I mean? Well, let’s see if this picture will make up for the bad ones.

Will Forrest Stanley’s Mountie win us over?

Tiger Rose is an adaptation of a 1917 stage play written by Willard Mack (you can read a public domain copy here) and produced by the famed David Belasco, who had quite a number of western and wilderness pictures in his repertoire. Warner Bros. scored a casting coup when they obtained the services of Lenore Ulric, who had created the role of Rose on the stage and had not been seen in movies in six years. The film was subsequently remade as both a silent and a talkie as a 1929 Lupe Velez vehicle but, alas, the remake is not on home video.

(I should note that the version of the film I saw runs for just one hour. Tiger Rose as originally released ran for eight reels, which would be eighty minutes at minimum and likely far longer. The storyline is smooth and I did not notice any particularly large holes in the plot.)

The things you find when you go fishing.

The film opens in a quiet Canadian trading community that bears a shocking resemblance to Yosemite. (Mainly because the exteriors were shot there. Whodathunkit?) Sergeant Michael Devlin (four-time Marion Davies leading man Forrest Stanley) is a Mountie’s Mountie and he comes riding hell for leather into town. He has fished a half-drowned woman (Lenore Ulric) out of Loon River and turns her over to the kind locals for some first aid.

We know that this young woman has been through a lot because she looks like this:

I wish I could look that good after almost drowning.

Yipes! When they say “waterproof” on the mascara bottle, they mean it! And who made her hairspray? Color me impressed.

Devlin tells the story of his brave rescue in flashback and it strikes me that this would have been a far more impressive opening scene for the film than shots of the great outdoors. Devlin races on horseback to catch up with the woman in the water—she’s caught in a current heading for a waterfall because this is a melodrama—and then he dismounts and throws himself off a cliff into the river below. That is some grade A stunt work and it’s a pity that the suspense is spoiled by using the flashback structure.

Now THAT is what I call an epic rescue.

Anyway, the young woman is named Rose and she likes to hunt and swear in the most adorable way possible. Devlin is interested but Rose falls for Bruce Norton (Theodore von Eltz), a dashing engineer. (Not there are two words I never thought I would type in the same sentence.) It’s love at first sight but Bruce is on a mission: he has tracked down a nefarious bad guy-type and he means to kill him for the sake of someone called “Helen.” There’s a suitably violent struggle for a pistol and Bruce ends up shooting his target, one of the local doctors.

When confronting one’s arch-nemesis, one would think one would be on the lookout for hidden weapons.

Another local doctor (this town is flush with ‘em, it seems) examines the body and delivers a mysterious proclamation. It seems that everyone in this picture has decided to become Lemony Snicket. The second doctor is played by Sam De Grasse, noted villain of Fairbanks flicks, and he sets out to help Bruce… or does he?

Devlin receives news of the murder and springs into action. He takes his trusty rifle and is able to wing Bruce lickety-split. Bruce is in a pickle as a storm is coming in and Devlin’s posse has the area surrounded. He takes refuge in Rose’s cellar, where she and the doc discover him a bit later. But Devlin hasn’t given up the chase and it’s going to take a very clever plan to evade our unstoppable Mountie.

Bruce learns that Devlin plays for keeps.

Will Bruce get away? Do we really want him to get away? I mean, that Devlin guy is pretty cool. In any case, find out in Tiger Rose!

Lenore Ulric does well overall but her Broadway experience causes her to play things in a broad way. (Get it? Get it?) It’s not too distracting but there are a few scenes in which her gestures get out of control and I wish I could assure her that we saw her in the nickel seats. She also applies her makeup with a trowel, which is distracting alongside the more subtle cosmetics of her costars and the general grit and outdoorsiness of the picture. (Makeup in the silent era was wildly inconsistent but the basic rule was that the actors should try to match one another in general amount and application.)

I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is more lipstick.

Ulric is further hampered by silly title cards that attempt to mimic French Canadian dialect. And does her background ever amount to anything in the picture? It does not. I am on record as hating dialect title cards and unnecessary dialect title cards are even worse. Frankly, it’s amazing that Ulric manages to rise above the silliness.

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Let’s face it, Rose’s motivation is a little weak. She met Bruce the day before and had a flirtation that lasted all of five minutes, that hardly seems like a good reason to risk everything for him. But… this is a melodrama. Love at first sight is a staple. What’s more problematic is the fact that her contributions to the story are pretty much superfluous. The doc and Bruce would have escaped on their own and the ending of the film (being intentionally vague here) would have been essentially the same with or without Rose. Yes, it’s fun to see a silent heroine wield a pistol but it’s not unheard-of. (See Back to God’s Country, a smashing Canadian wilderness picture in which Nell Shipman saves the day with firearms and a killer dog.)

For Helen – You will always be in my heart, In my mind, And in your grave.

Theodore von Eltz is okay as Bruce but the film misfires when it plays Button Button with his past and motivation. It would have been far more believable if he had confided his sad tale to Rose. As the film stands, the leads are forced to run around being terribly mysterious when any normal person would be asking some questions. “Um, why’d you shoot the guy? I know the doc said you had good reasons but I’d kinda like some clarification. Also, do you shoot girls? Asking for a friend.” Look, this mournful “Oh, my horrible past that I will not clarify!” stuff is amusing in A Series of Unfortunate Events but it gets rather tedious in a drama.

This looks like a job for… Devlin the Super Mountie!

I usually find Forrest Stanley to be a bit on the dull side but I really liked Devlin the Super Mountie. He doesn’t show up much in the beginning but every time he does, he performs some splendid stunt, strikes a heroic pose and otherwise shows himself to be Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent. In our world of gravel-voiced antiheroes, Devlin’s unabashed good guy-ness is a positive breath of fresh air and Stanley manages to do it all without coming off as sanctimonious or trite.

No villain is safe on Canadian soil!

Devlin’s whole “unstoppable manhunting force for good” act just gets better and better as the film progresses. I don’t know about everyone else but I was definitely rooting for him to get his man. The fact that Bruce’s motivation is not revealed until the finale makes him a rather opaque hero, which in turn makes Devlin’s straightforward lawman stuff even more appealing. Why were there no Sgt. Devlin of the RCMP spinoffs? Come on, people, you missed a huge opportunity!

Looks trustworthy to me.

I have to say, though, that the casting of Sam De Grasse really threw me off. Here’s a man who can make picnics and candy and flowers look sinister and he spends the entire picture lurking about in a most ominous manner. I kept expecting him to stab Bruce in the back or something.

Legendary cinematographer Charles Rosher makes the most of the films Yosemite locations and the cast is frequently posed against lovely natural backdrops. Hey, if you’ve got it, you flaunt it. He does equally well with the moody shadows of the nighttime storm scenes. The man was good, is what I’m saying. Check it out:

When interviewed by Kevin Brownlow for The Parade’s Gone By, Rosher revealed the film was significant in his career as it was the only time movie mogul Harry Warner ever gave him (or anyone else) a bonus. Lenore Ulric was due back in New York for rehearsals and if the film was not finished in time, the entire crew would have to follow her to the east coast and finish making it there at great expense.

She has a schedule to keep and you do not want to cross her.

Director Sidney Franklin was too nice to rush things along so Rosher took over the role as expediter and the picture was finished on schedule. Ulric got to New York in time, Warner Bros. didn’t have to move production across the country and everyone was happy. Harry Warner personally thanked Rosher and told him that shooting in the east would have added $25,000 to the film’s budget. There was a funny bit of business where Warner wouldn’t let go of the check but Rosher got his bonus in the end. Fully deserved too, I might add.

(Rosher also received a telegram from Belasco himself complimenting him on his camera work. Rosher claimed it was just because Ulric, a Belasco favorite, liked her closeups.)

In the cellar, out of the cellar, in the cellar… make up your minds!

But back to the film as we need to discuss some significant flaws. The main issues of the story come from the script. Its stage roots show particularly in the third act as the story’s setbound nature becomes obvious. The leads scamper from the house to the cellar to the house to the cellar to the cabin to the house. Rosher and Franklin try their best to open things up with shots of the great outdoors but there’s only so much that can be done and the story ends up feeling a bit claustrophobic.

No, sitting under a staircase doesn’t count as a scene change.

(Spoilers Ahoy!)

The finale of the film descends into absolute Victoriana, coincidences and all. It turns out that the doc was Bruce’s brother-in-law all along and it looks like everyone is going to get away when Devlin reveals himself and begins to make his arrest. Rose springs into action and holds Devlin back with a pistol while Bruce and the doctor escape. This means prison for Rose but after holding Devlin prisoner all night, Bruce returns to turn himself in and save her from sacrificing herself. Why they didn’t just tie Devlin up and all escape together, I have no idea. In any case, Devlin is moved by the gesture but he still arrests Bruce.

Hurray! You know, for people whose Hollywood motto is, “We always get our man,” the Mounties certainly seem to let a lot of fugitives go. I’d complain but then I remember that I almost never get my mail delivered during snow, sleet and dark of night. Hollywood needs more realistic mottos for its government organization. “We always get our man unless he’s dating that girl we used to like.” Well, not this time! Devlin remains a Mountie’s Mountie and thank goodness. Of course, Bruce just gets a few months in the pokey, which kind of retroactively nullifies the urgency of his escape. “I need to get away! I can’t serve six months! It’s inhuman!”

(End Spoilers)

Goodby and good luck in your new life, Rose. I planted cocaine in your dog sled.

Is it worth seeing? Oh, definitely. Tiger Rose is as corny as can be and no Mountie film cliché is left out, though some are twisted about and played with. Also in the plus column, the cast is game, Rosher’s cinematography is gorgeous and it’s all in good fun. If you get into the spirit of the thing, I think you’ll have a great time. It’s one of the better Mountie flicks of the silent era.

P.S. #TeamDevlin

Where can I see it?

Tiger Rose is available on DVD from Grapevine.

Tiger Rose (1923) A Silent Film Review Stage star Lenore Ulric brings her signature role to the screen in this melodrama set in Canada.

[italian-dressing-blog1]

200 things you put in my ask

I'm just gonna answer these because I'm bored 🌸 Copy and Paste this to answer these 200: My crush’s name is: Lucas
199: I was born in: America
198: I am really: Tired
197: My cellphone company is: StraightTalk (I don't have data rn)
196: My eye color is: Brown
195: My shoe size is: 9 
194: My ring size is: Idk
193: My height is: 5"3
192: I am allergic to: Nothing
191: My 1st car was: Don't have one
190: My 1st job was: Going to find one in December 
189: Last book you read: It Gets Worse: Shane Dawson
188: My bed is: Comfortable and Warm
187: My pet: I love him, he's my favorite (he's a 14 year old Dachshund)
186: My best friend: Is amazing
185: My favorite shampoo is: Pantene, turquoise DreamCare 
184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox
183: Piggy banks are: Emtpy
182: In my pockets: Always have headphones
181: On my calendar: Is pretty empty
180: Marriage is: Cool, and should be equal for everybody. Love is love 
179: Spongebob can: suck my dick
178: My mom: Gross
177: The last three songs I bought were?: Last Young Renegade (album), The Black Parade (album), and Vices and Virtues (album)
176: Last YouTube video watched: Tyler Oakley's entire channel
175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to count
174: Do you have any siblings? 2 older brothers, 1 younger
173: Are your parents divorced? No
172: Are you taller than your mom? No, but I'm taller than my dad
171: Do you play an instrument? The trumpet, and I want to play the piano
170: What did you do yesterday? Went to Point Sebago (lake resort) with my bf for a class field trip [ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: Sure
168: Luck: No
167: Fate: No
166: Yourself: No
165: Aliens: Yes
164: Heaven: NO.
163: Hell: NO.
162: God: NO.
161: Horoscopes: yes
160: Soul mates: yes
159: Ghosts: yes
158: Gay Marriage: ofc 
157: War: yes
156: Orbs: no
155: Magic: no [ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs
153: Drunk or High: High
152: Phone or Online: Online
151: Red heads or Black haired:
150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes
149: Hot or cold: Cold
148: Summer or winter: Winter
147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
145: Night or Day: Night
144: Oranges or Apples: Apples
143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White Chocolate
140: Mac or PC: Mac
139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 
137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi 
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 
135: Burried or cremated: buried
134: Singing or Dancing: singing
133: Coach or Chanel: neither
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who
131: Small town or Big city: big city 
130: Wal-Mart or Target: target
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler 
128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure
127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Halloween
125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers
124: Disney or Six Flags: six flags 
123: Yankees or Red Sox: red sox [ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: world war 3 is coming soon
121: George Bush: caused 9/11
120: Gay Marriage: shouldn't be debated
119: The presidential election: gross
118: Abortion: pro-choice
117: MySpace: too old
116: Reality TV: okay sometimes
115: Parents:fucking hate them
114: Back stabbers: burn in hell
113: Ebay: cool 
112: Facebook: only use for messenger
111: Work: I need money
110: My Neighbors: don't talk to them
109: Gas Prices: too high
108: Designer Clothes: too expensive
107: College: need to go 
106: Sports: want to play soccer
105: My family: hate them
104: The future: hope it doesn't exist [ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: yesterday
102: Last time you ate: Thursday (it's Saturday)
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: today
100: Cried in front of someone: long time ago
99: Went to a movie theater: long time ago
98: Took a vacation: April 
97: Swam in a pool: April
96: Changed a diaper: haven't in a few years
95: Got my nails done: April 
94: Went to a wedding: 8 years ago
93: Broke a bone: 8 years ago
92: Got a peircing: haven't yet 
91: Broke the law:all the time😉jk
90: Texted: a few seconds ago [ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: Lucas
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: free internet and shampoo
87: The last movie I saw: the rings
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: seeing Lucas on Monday
85: The thing im not looking forward to: graduation on Wednesday 84: People call me: by my last name
83: The most difficult thing to do is: talk to people
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never, don't have a license
81: My zodiac sign is: Sagittarius
80: The first person i talked to today was: Becca
79: First time you had a crush: 5th grade
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: best friends
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 
76: Right now I am talking to: myself
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: play in an army band, become a doctor or a lawyer
74: I have/will get a job: in December 
73: Tomorrow: sleep and YouTube
72: Today: sleep and YouTube 
71: Next Summer: hang out with friends and sleep
70: Next Weekend: not doing much 
69: I have these pets: dachshund
68: The worst sound in the world: high pitched screaming
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my parents
66: People that make you happy: Lucas, Brooklyn
65: Last time I cried: a long time ago
64: My friends are: Lucas, Brooklyn, Patrick, adara, Alyssa, lexi, becca, 
63: My computer is: non-existent 
62: My School: leaving middle school soon, and going to a boarding school for high school this upcoming year
61: My Car: don't have one
60: I lose all respect for people who: lie to me
59: The movie I cried at was: Forrest Gump 
58: Your hair color is: dark brown 
57: TV shows you watch: ahs, bates motel, OITNB, Shameless, the fosters
56: Favorite web site: Tumblr, YouTube
55: Your dream vacation:
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: losing friends, 
53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don't like steak 
52: My room is: semi-clean 
51: My favorite celebrity is: Shane Dawson, and Dan and Phil, and Brendon Urie
50: Where would you like to be: With my best friends
49: Do you want children:NO.
48: Ever been in love: yes
47: Who’s your best friend: Lucas, Brooklyn
46: More guy friends or girl friends: guys
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Lucas, and YouTube
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Lucas
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no?
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no
41: Have you pre-named your children:I don't want them 
40: Last person I got mad at: Becca
39: I would like to move to: far away from here
38: I wish I was a professional: musician or doctor [ My Favorites ] 
37: Candy: Swedish fish
36: Vehicle: Mercedes 
35: President: Obama ? Idk I don't like politics
34: State visited: Florida or Massachusetts 
33: Cellphone provider: straight talk
32: Athlete: idk
31: Actor: Shane Dawson
30: Actress: Shane Dawson
29: Singer: brendon Uris
28: Band: Panic! at the disco, 5sos
27: Clothing store: hot topic, zumiez
26: Grocery store: Walmart, target 
25: TV show: rn, Bates Motel
24: Movie: any horror movie directed by James Wan
23: Website: Tumblr, YouTube
22: Animal: penguin 
21: Theme park: Funtown Splashtown
20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN 
19: Sport to watch: idk 
18: Sport to play: soccer maybe?
17: Magazine: idk
16: Book: dear Evan Hansen 
15: Day of the week: Friday 
14: Beach: none of the above 
13: Concert attended: P!ATD
12: Thing to cook: idk
11: Food: idk
10: Restaurant: idk 
9: Radio station: Q97.9
8: Yankee candle scent: vanilla, or coconut 
7: Perfume: vanilla or coconut
6: Flower: hibiscus 
5: Color: black
4: Talk show host: Shane Dawson 
3: Comedian: Bo Burnham
2: Dog breed: Dachsund 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes

[survivorniue]

Ep. 7: “This Whole Loyal Thing is so New” - Dan (Pt. 2)

KEVIN

Okay... So we're setting (or trying to set) the plan to boot Van in action. Van is cool and all but in the words of Thirdpersonica, Van is playing for Van. Like Forrest told me, Van probably won't go to rocks for anyone unless she has some sort of protection first, because she wouldn't do that for Kait. Also, I want to vote out Van because, um, who the fuck takes out Kait. Like that's not okay. Like Van has taken out two of my faves (Kait and Forrest) and if we let her continue on her warpath this is gonna be an ugly game. We definitely have Amanda Nicky and I voting for Van, Amanda said she could pull in Dan. So that leaves the fifth vote. Ideally, that fifth vote is Sam and/or Pat. I'd rather have Sam because she's iconic and Pat...well he at least has a nice personality! I'm just worried word will get back to Van because for all I know John has an idol and from what Van told me those two are relatively close. Close enough to play an idol on the other? Uh, please no. 

VAN

So this vote can either be SUPER messy and bad or it could be yet another near unanimous vote. I haven't decided what I want to do yet.  So it appears Forrest isn't on the jury which is WHEW because I know I burned that bridge. Life here on NewNiue has been pretty chill so far. Now, I love Ned and Sam to death. Like, I seriously do. But I'm aware of how strong they are in challenges. And I love Ned and Sam and they're super likable people. And I want to play with them for as long as I can. BUT, Ned just told me a little something that just made a WEE bit nervous.  So just between us, the 5 iloa people want us to stick together. I don't want you sam or I to be a target, so timing is everything on when we make a move  WELL NED, AIN'T THAT A LITTLE SCARY FOR THE LONE MITI PERSON WORKING WITH YOU GUYS.  As of right now, we have 5 old Iloa and 4 old Miti. Now, in a perfect world where I felt like I'd be perceived as a good player, I'd be okay with continuing forward with Ned/Sam into a F3. But, alas, I'm pretty sure I look like a floater and a not-so-great challenge performer. (i'd like to think people like me but who knows :/) If I wanna try and win this game, I gotta make a bit more of an effort to get the numbers on my side. But I also don't want to make a move too soon either because there's still plenty of time left in the game. Plenty of time for people to make a move against me, and if I burn Ned/Sam too much too soon, then I won't have them to watch my back.  I just don't know if now's the right time to try and flip one of the old Iloa's to old Miti to try and take out someone on the other side. This round, we only need 1 person to flip to old Miti to take out an Iloa. Next round, if we vote out an old Miti (say, Nikki), then I only have Kevin and Amanda left from old Miti, and we'd need to flip 2 people to avoid a tie.   AGH I'M CONFLICTED  I'm gonna spend a bit of time looking for the idol too maybe that'd be helpful so I know I can play around with it to get someone I wanna save out of a tricky situation. All I know that for this round, at the very least, I wanna keep Kevin in the game since we work well together. Ned/Sam would be tragic and I'd probably lose a jury vote, but I would move on and hope for the best. Everyone else would be sad but not as bad.   ok i have a paper to write hopefully people hit me up more on skype soon because i'm a little nervous wreck in this game lmao

NICKY

Me about tonight's tribal council: https://67.media.tumblr.com/c2dff8563548f38f7dda18cf09bc8b8b/tumblr_nfx5dfFXm51rl4dslo1_500.gif

KEVIN

SCREAMING MY ASS OFF SOME ILOA BITCHES ARE THROWING MY NAME AROUND LIKE FIRST OF ALL WHO THE FUCK SECOND OF ALL WHY???? (also nicky too like leave us alone!!!!) and also van like said he doesn't want it to be me so if that's true now asking ppl to vote for van is um...slightly messier god i hate myself 

KEVIN

Okay so...maybe voting against Van isn't the best course of action or even possible... I don't know if it's too late, because Ned's words might have gotten to Van and now we're ultra screwed, but we might have a chance. Van is telling me that she thinks Iloa is sticking together, so what other option is there? This could all be a charade or something though... Me when I was the person to bring up Van's name and now it looks like (unless I'm being played) she's trying to keep us in the game... We agreed to vote out Pat I'm.........

KEVIN

Let the records show that I. LOVE. SAMANTHA. Oh my god this feminist icon is one of my favorite people ever!!! She's flipping with Dan to save me oh my goodness!!! What did I do to deserve such an angel? Nothing but God has smiled and blessed me and I am grateful. Now we're voting Ned and I'm probably gonna have to leave Van in the dark bc things changed so suddenly (they did technically) but oh my god

NED

I've really gotten to know almost everyone on this tribe, so the vote was going to be hard regardless. All the old Iloa members are voting Kevin, and all the old Miti members are voting Pat. It seems that this is still very much a game defined by tribal lines, despite the most recent results. I talked to Van about where her head is, and she said that she would not vote for Kevin, because he's her closest Miti ally. This is where the tricky part comes in: I can stick with Iloa and vote out my ally's ally who could help me down the road, or I can flip and vote out Pat, but risk  my safety for the early merge. It's 4 versus 4, with me in the middle- and I don't know what to do.

PATRICK

AMANDA

THis vote is INSANEEEE okay so originally we were voting out Van, then Kevin wanted to vote Pat but i love Pat so i was iffy, then we said we were gonna vote for Ned. If it goes as planned, me Kevin Dan Sam Nicky and i think Van are voting Ned out. I think Pat is voting Van, idk about everyone else though. This vote was crazy and stressed me out like waiting for the votes of the freaking presidential election lmfao OH ALSO me Dan and Sam made a f3 so thats cute

VAN

i literally made a video confessional to try and handle the current situation for this game but it won't load which is honestly a good summary of how this day of mine is going like what's happened today? 1. laptop started fucking up so I spent the entire day in the library writing a paper like it's a miracle that it's somewhat cooperating with me rn 2. had a stomach ache from hell thanks dining hall 3. got nominated in a BB game I'm playing in right now that's nice 4. Donald Trump has a very real chance of becoming the next President of the United States rn 5. The vote is either going to Kevin or to Ned. There's only 10 minutes until tribal. I think Dan is gonna flip to vote out Ned. The only way to keep Ned in the game is to vote Kevin through a tie. Not only did I promise Kevin that I'm never voting him out, but I also promised the same to Ned. Ned is probably so fucked. I feel so bad for him. We had a call today and I really really like the guy, even though I know he's a threat. I could always just vote Pat (like we originally intended to do) and it ends with Ned going home but I don't have to vote him out. But it'll make me look like an untrustworthy weenie. But honestly at this point I deserve it for playing both sides during the swap and during this merge so far. If this vote goes the way I think it's about to go then that's that. I'll probably see you in the jury next Ned lmao