#and the world is fucking sexist

[mckinlily]

So I’m a woman in STEM, and in physics specifically that has some of the worse gender ratios out of all the sciences and right there with most engineering fields that I also worked closely with. All through my undergrad, I was told I was so lucky there were “maybe up to 10?” girls in my classes, instead of being the ONLY girl in the classroom like it was for my professors.

But you see, this wasn’t because men didn’t want women in physics. They did!! It was just women were socialized differently so they didn’t end succeeding as much (if they even tried at all—a pipeline problem that was not under the physicists’ control).

There were plenty of ways this showed up, but a big one was “Oh men don’t listen to women just because they don’t talk right.” See, women phrase their thoughts and contributions with “I think” or “I feel” or “Maybe it’s…” while men will just blast you with their opinions like it’s the word of god or some shit “ACTUALLY ITS THIS WAY”. See, it’s women’s soft way of speaking that actually disempowers themselves. Men would listen to them right away if they were just assertive. Just writing this out makes me want to puke, and very early on I was calling bullshit on it. Primarily on two accounts: 1) Why is it the woman’s communication style automatically Wrong and the man’s way is Right? Why don’t we accuse men of being failed communicators because they don’t communicate like women? Especially when both styles have advantages? Why do the men get to be assumed superior? And 2) we all know the term for an assertive woman: it’s BITCH.

But even while I could see all that bullshit, I was still pulled in by the underlying premise: if you’re just good enough—if you’re smart enough, experienced enough, competent enough, and confident enough—you will be let in and treated with respect.

So I tried to be as smart and competent and infallible as possible believing that if I did that, I would earn that respect.

Until one day, I actually managed it. I became a subject matter expert at my company. I had enough knowledge and experience to stand out among everyone else. And I did it fast. I learned more and faster than my other colleagues until I was the go-to person for multiple huge projects, even being relatively young. I was more competent, more efficient, more confident—finally able to go toe-to-toe with my male colleagues, even ones with more years of experience, on their level because I got that good.

And they treated me like SHIT.

It sucked being treated like an inferior, but it was 1000 times worse when they couldn’t believe I was inferior anymore and therefore treated me like a threat. Even the other women were less eager to back me up. The antagonism, the put downs, the way they kept me out of key conversations relevant to my job, the constant lying and gaslighting, the retaliation—

Turns out, they never meant to treat women like equals. But they held that promise out like a dangling carrot, convinced no woman could *actually* match that standard. And when one did, when I beat them at it, ALLLLL the nastiness came spewing out.

And this from guys who I had previously thought if it were decently ok!

Women act the way they do because that “female socialization” isn’t anything cute or passive or harmless. It is vicious backlash whenever they don’t—often violent backlash. Women are intelligent humans with brains very competent in opportunity v risk analysis. And if you’re a woman looking to survive or just minimize self harm—you learn very quickly which behaviors will protect you and which will get you attacked.

Don’t you dare criticize women for choosing the behaviors that are least likely to make them the targets of your cruelty and violence And girls, don’t internalize this idea that women’s ways are inferior or weak. Do what you need to do, whether that’s saving your energy for what you really care about, or throwing out patriarchy’s rules and taking the lumps that come with that. There’s no right answer when the system is built so that you’re always wrong.

Women do things that make sense. Women have always been just as logical as any human when presented with the facts of their lives which they know intimately.

Was it worth it to work hard, fight hard, and stand up for myself at my job? I don’t know. It wasn’t the “feminine” thing. It didn’t succeed in granting me the respect I wanted. It made life a lot harder for me, really. But I also found out that I’m a lot stronger and more skilled than I thought I was. I learned a lot of cool science.

And I left that job. Because I could see there was no path left for me to be respected that.

TLDR: Women aren’t “assertive” because men turn into raging lunatic de-aged monsters when they are. That’s some pretty strong negative reinforcement

a lot of behaviors that get attributed to "female socialization" can be so much more easily and accurately understood as a person recognizing the power differential surrounding them and behaving sensibly in response to that.

like. does a woman politely listen to a man monologue at her because of some experience she had when she was twelve that magically cursed her to behave that way forever, or does she do it because the man has the power to hurt her and she knows it?

does a woman do all the dishes in her household because she is less capable of breaking out of a long-ago conditioned response than, like, your average trained dog, or is she doing that because she knows that all the men in the house will blame her if she doesnt and will make life worse for her if she speaks up?

maybe a lot of sexist patterns of behavior that are widely observed in society arent caused by women like, lacking willpower or backbone? maybe it is super fucking weird for supposedly feminist movements to imply this is the case when they talk about female socialization as the end all, be all of predicting human behavior?

isnt it both more useful and more respectful toward women to consider that they are perceiving their present circumstances accurately, and recognize when power is already being wielded against them, and take logical measures to deescalate and protect themselves because it works? is it not fucking clear to everybody that trans women in particular have to do this all the fucking time?

[carlyraejepsans]

ppl already terribly misinterpret sans do you want him to have the morally grey female character treatment too

i don't give a crap can you imagine the glados level cat 5 lesbian event the "dead where you stand" scene alone would cause? the trope subversion of the worn-down, nihilistic bar sleaze male character archetype that he represents? soriel yuri? does anyone fucking care about soriel yuri???

[kacievvbbbb]

While I love Jack and do think Alexander Calvert did a truly amazing job playing him and the fact he looks a little like Misha is adorabel.

but I do think that we were robbed from how astronomical the following seasons could have been if Jack was a girl.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

TERFs out here saying you can't be a woman if you don't have a uterus. I didn't realize I was non-binary until my late 30s.

At 31 (family record), I had a full hysterectomy so I could function as a person. Do you have any idea how much pain you have to be in to be 31, no kids, and get your uterus removed?

It's a lot.

Anyway, I had a TERF tell me once (before I was identifying enby, so she was only mostly terrible) that, yes, she did see me as less of a woman because I had removed my womb.

Other than fuck TERFs (and radfems and tradfems, the world's worst appetizer platter, truly), I don't know that I had a point here.

Oh! Wait! It's been 10 years! 10 years without crushing pain and depression every fucking day because I could barely walk for two years due to said pain!

And some fuck said I was lesser for making my choice.

Fuck 'em. It ain't parts. It's you. You make yourself who you are, you got me? You.

[lokiiied]

thinking about loki’s 400 year long stare at mobius when he says, “it’s about who”

and then how he looks at sylvie and says, “i can rewrite the story” and how she has her own story - without romance. how she told him to “write his own story” and how he’s now canonically god of stories/storytelling.

thinking about how if they make lokius canon, marvel’s first major canonically queer character will have “rewritten” the cishet centred narrative that a major audience is expecting and just how powerful that would be.

because, as much as i like the bisexual “confirmation” scene - it was very easy to look over if you’re a homophobic viewer or don’t know what bisexuality is. because they never had either of them say the words, “i am bisexual”. that and how they “dealt” with loki’s genderfluidity.

but a major gay couple?? with the healthiest and most intimate relationship i’ve EVER seen marvel write?? that would not be so easy to ignore. especially when you go back and see that it’s been there the whole time. if you knew what to look for. which, is honestly probably the queer vision in a nutshell. because cishets will be blind to anything if they see a man + woman option. they need “undeniable” proof. marvel knows that & it’s why they’ve gotten away with this. why they’re still “safe” for most of their anti-queer audience.

but just imagine, if loki fixes all this, get his friends back, and shows mobius know how he really feels and basically says “this has been the love story the whole time” THAT will be his legacy. in all the glorious i’m a god and i’ve been bad and i’m good and i’m queer and i have inherent worth just like everybody else and i don’t give a fuck loki fashion. and i hope to gods we get to see that.

that’s the story i want to see.

because if they turn around and give us sylki — (and in doing so say here’s a perfect example of a healthy gay relationship but instead we’re gonna give you a toxic genderbent selfcest romance) regardless of the fact we know they are both queer — that is not what a homophobic audience is going to see. they’re going to be satisfied that they didn’t see two men kissing on their screen and call it another win. and marvel would be continuing to encourage the idea that us queer fans are delusional - despite the clearly intentional writing.

not to mention the exhausting, intrinsically homophobic harassment & clowning lokius shippers have endured would actually not be for nothing if lokius were canon and marvel were to decide btw queer people are real and so are their stories and so is their love.

if the show about the genderfluid bisexual god of stories can’t accomplish that after all this character development then. idk.

[gutsfics]

FINALLY I DRAW SOMETHING!!!!!!!

some Joseph, both young (around 1980 i'd say, when he was traveling w Stan a few years before the portal incident) and old (~2017, now an art teacher at Westchester High). i like to think the first one is a picture Stan took of him while they were traveling and the second one is his staff photo at WH. the more things change the more they stay the same. i might give em backgrounds and foregrounds to look like that

he's had that jacket since the 70s. real leather will last you.

no glasses alts + the first sketch below

[muttever]

dear trans person, i am taking you by the shoulders, stop talking about gendered traits as being ugly. i dont care if the thought of having that gendered trait gives you dysphoria, vent in private. its really cruel to say these things around people who either have them already or will likely get those traits through transition

by painting gendered traits as ugly, you are discouraging other trans people from transitioning OR just straight up telling them that theyre already "ruined"

stop it.

[oflgtfol]

"i, as a woman, feel like i don't have autonomy in a patriarchal society. oh i know the solution - let's say my lack of autonomy comes from the fundamental fucking universe itself instead of just being a social construct!! that solves everything!!"

[rhaenyra-first-of-her-name]

Is HotD allergic to making all of the women in the show anything but a 'perfect' victim or what?

[redhoodedangel]

Trump has been found guilty. Now to keep him out of office and his goons from following in his footsteps…

Here are some petitions you can donate to and sign:

[transmandrake]

Scalding hot take I've been ruminating on but I think we need to retire the phrase 'Trans X are trans X' (ie. Trans men are men, trans women are women) and 'trans X are not Y' (ie trans men are not women, trans women are not men)

Not because its wrong per se, but because 90% of the time people say it and actually mean 'trans X are exactly the same as cis X'

And what happens is, even trans people, (id argue especially trans people) consciously or not, internalise that everything that is believed about cis people, is true for trans people.

This leads to absolutely batshit takes like 'its okay to hate trans men because men are our oppressors' (thats just transphobia) and 'trans women are sensitive and delicate and need protecting because they are women' (actually they need protecting because theyre being fucking murdered, not because theyre magical soft sweet little babies (like you think women are. Thats just sexism, even if you mean it positively). This ones often covert because, unfortunately sometimes sexism is gender validating)

Its also a *hand wiggles* phrase because I think a lot of people are so afraid of seeming transphobic that theyve kind of backpedalled into becoming really transphobic by denying the existence of anyone who is both a man and a woman and trans (and any and all combinations you can think of).

I think also this phrase is partially why a lot of people seem to think all trans people want to pass, will pass, and have a completely binary identity. The mere suggestion that a trans man can be a woman or a trans woman can be a man is seen as transphobic, when thats probably how the cookie crumbles for most people with multiple genders that include the binary ones.

(I was really glad to see more awareness and acceptance of multigender stuff in the last while but everyone gets funny about it every time trans stuff comes up... these do not have to be conflicting issues...)

How to help this? I'm not sure. I feel like some kind of indicator whether a trans person identifies as something, versus wants to be something (Im not sure how to explain this distinction. I guess its about whether your gender is more about being TRANSgender or being transGENDER. Yknow?) could be helpful, but well thats just more divisions and distinctions for people to put their burdens on.

Ultimately some women are men and some trans men arent men and some binary people are nonbinary too, because its all made up and simultaneously real. Without acknowledging this, we're just making Sexism 2.0 Trans-Affirming This Time instead of going 'hey, sexism fucking sucks, we shouldn't do that to anyone, cis or trans'.

[enemyoflactose]

Me: I'm going to become a better person 🤗

Also me when I see someone mischaracterize and then hate on my favorite character:

[styxvii]

They should invent a form of therapy they doesn’t sees you at your most vulnerable and melds you into heteronormative and male centered ideology instead of like making me ya know not want to beat myself over the head until I throw up

[jellogram]

I really want the Mormon church to go down for a lot of reasons but especially because I would move back to Cedar or St. George in a goddam second if the state government didn't hate me. It's maybe the most beautiful region in the continental US but it's run by a cult that wants me and my friends dead.

[not-poignant]

Hi, I've been rereading Falling Falling Stars and appreciating the nuanced way you represent issues in the kink community. I was at a very M/f-biased party recently and remembering the things Efnisien says about how some kink spaces can feel very sexist. While also noting that it doesn't mean any individual is bad! I also like the aspect of Ef being triggered by aspects of kink and some kinky characters being insensitive to that, but not malicious. I like having a story that shows these things!

Hi anon!

Oh man I loved being able to write about this. Especially because Efnisien was so fresh to kink at the time so it was all very obviously misogynist to him (which...some of it really is!) and Arden I think managed to explain pretty well that sometimes people have fantasies around this stuff that they feel ashamed of and they have a right not to feel shamed for exploring something in ideally a safe kinky space.

But at the same time I think there's also a big difference in feeling between majority-queer kinky spaces and majority-cishet kinky spaces, and most queer folk who have been in these kinky spaces know exactly what I mean when I say this. Not everyone has the privilege to experience both. Sometimes you just get the latter and make do. And there's often more 'queer' in those spaces than folks realise anyway, it just tends to be a bit more hidden, depending.

So I just liked the ability to talk about it actually! To have Efnisien talk about it, and Arden, and Kadek a little bit, and get the different perspectives. I loved writing Efnisien standing up for himself on the collar situation (to this day he doesn't wear a collar), and challenging things that become easy to take for granted in kink spaces because everyone is taking it for granted/not talking about it.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it, anon! :D

[animebw]

Sending this on anon bc I am afraid of the avarage Shonen fan coming after my ass for speaking the truth, but I feel like you would get it

Demon slayer author was a coward for not making mitsuri buff as fuck. "Her gimmick is having denser muscles so she doesn't need to have big muscles" yeah and then she joined the corps where she is being accepted fully for who she is, and she reached the rank of hashira, I'll give them her being thin in the flashbacks, but present time she should have at least the same abs as tanjiro. (Also she is allegedly looking for a man that will accept her, and then you tell me she is in a place where everyone is accepting her and she still doesn't have a boyfriend? Sir/Ma'am that is a lesbian that just has not figured it out yet)

Shonen manga/anime be normal about women challenge: difficulty level impossible