#and the s12 ep with the ''i love you. i love all of you''??

[untimelyambition]

anyone who talked about skipping Any of the nuwho doctors is going through my shredder

Hi any people who enjoy doctor who I want to get into the new stuff where do I start from?

[ninii-winchester]

Timeless Love

Pairing : Dean Winchester X Reader

Word count : 3.7k

Warnings : angst, s12 ep 6 (spoilers), canon violence, mentions of demons, slight mention of john winchester, mentions of amara (slight spoiler), taylor swift reference (?), fluff. Not proofread.

Part 2 to Fleeting Love.

A/n: I don’t remember what exactly happened in that episode i just winged it.

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO COPY MY WORK, TRANSLATE IT OR POST IT TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED.

Leaving was the hardest thing Dean had to do other than breaking Y/n's heart. He cried himself to sleep every night after seeing her looking like a shell of herself at school. He missed her smile and he missed being the reason of her smile. How could he let himself fall for someone, when he knew he could never have that kind of life. Loving her was the best and the worst decision of his life. Best because he got to know what love actually feels like and worst because he knows he'd never find anything like that ever again. He wouldn't allow himself to love anyone else in this lifetime. She was his first and last love.

Dean had left town, and Y/n was still picking up the pieces of a shattered heart. Days turned into weeks, but the ache never dulled. Every time she walked by the places they'd shared—her favorite diner, the lakeside road where they'd stargazed—the memories rushed in like a flood. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't outrun the ghost of him.

As much as she wanted to hate him, part of her would always him. He was her first love, her first kiss and her first time. Deep down she knew it had everything to do with his father but his betrayal was still fresh in her mind. She knew her Dean wouldn't do that her but she wished he'd stood against his father. She wished he would've fought for their love. If only she knew the reason he couldn't do it.

Fifteen years had come and gone, and Y/n had built a life—one filled with new memories, a different kind of happiness. But despite the time and distance, her heart remained anchored to a love she never truly let go of. It wasn't that she was stuck in the past; she had moved on in every way that mattered. Yet, in the quiet moments, when the world fell still, it was Dean's face she saw, his voice she heard, as if time had never touched the feelings she carried for him.

Y/n let out a sigh as she waited for her flight to be announced. She was going to Canada for a wake of the man who saved her life. She vividly remembered six years ago, she was coming back from work and a huge dog like creature attacked her. She wouldn't have believed had she not seen it with her own eyes. It was a werewolf.

She dug into the supernatural, surprised by the sheer amount of lore tied to what was already known. Myths, legends, and creatures she once thought were just stories had entire histories woven into the fabric of the world she knew.

Asa Fox was the one that killed the thing and rescued her. Now he was no more. She owed it him to atleast pay her final respects to him.

Hours later she landed in Canada and made her way towards Asa's mother's house. It was late at night when she arrived. She stepped inside and noticed a small crowd gathered in the living room, while others lingered in the kitchen and a few more were out in the backyard. They were all lost in conversation, sharing memories and stories of the brave hunter they had come together to mourn. The air was heavy with both grief and respect as they honored the life he'd lived.

She'd found Asa's mother and paid her condolences to her, recounting how her son had saved her life and how she looked up to him. The older woman nodded and Y/n took it as her cue to leave her alone. She walked the hallway and bumped into someone, she quickly apologised and looked up to them and all the air seemed to leave her lungs.

"You.." she choked on her words and the other person looked at her in mild confusion and threw her an anticipatory glance. "Mary Winchester." Y/n finally spoke. The older woman tried to rack her brain if she knew the woman infront of her but her mind remained blank.

Y/n had seen photos of Dean's mother in his room also in his wallet and she adored how much he loved his mother. Her mind went haywire thinking back to when he told her his mother died in a house fire. Did he lie? Why would he though? Thousands of thoughts ran into her mind as she thought back to her relationship with the Winchester. Even after fifteen years he's still vivid in her head. Did everything he tell her was a lie? Was Dean even his real name.

Y/n could feel herself hyperventilate and she immediately wanted to put space between the supposedly dead woman and herself. She went to the kitchen to grab herself some water. There were only two people in the kitchen, a woman with a pixie cut and a man taller than anyone she had ever seen. She grabbed a water bottle chugging it down and calming her heartbeat. She took a deep breath before speaking,

"Uhm sorry to intrude but, is a Mary Winchester out there?" She questioned the couple gesturing towards the hallway she came from. The man looked at her with a unreadable look in his eyes.

"Yeah." The woman responded.

Y/n sighed, — atleast I'm not going crazy. She thought to herself. But if that's Dean's mom, what on earth is she doing here?

"You're Y/n." The man said. It wasn't a question. He knew her. She craned her neck to look up at his face and she furrowed her brows.

"I'm sorry have we met before?" She questioned taking a step forward. A sad smile appeared on his face. The woman beside him looked at him expectantly waiting for his reply.

"You seriously don't remember me?" He chuckled and she shook her head.

"I'm sorry, but I'd remember if I had met someone as big as you." She replied leaning on the counter behind her.

"I wasn't this big when we met Y/n/n." Sam spoke and the nickname made her eyes flash with recognition but it was quickly overtaken by the hurt that came with those memories.

"Sammy." It just slipped out. She didn't mean to call him by that name, but when he called her y/n/n, it came out subconsciously. Her heart started beating loudly at the thought of his brother being here. She had never thought she'd ever meet Dean Winchester ever again and she was not ready.

Sam knew whatever happened between her and his brother hurt her more than anything and he wouldn't blame her if she up and left without a word, but he'd missed her. And he missed the man his brother was when he was with Y/n. After her, he was just a shell of a man, running on his father's commands like a soldier. Someone who seemed to let go off every emotion and just waiting for his father's next order.

Sam introduced Y/n to the woman beside him as sherrif Jody Mills and she was good friend.

"How're you Y/n?" Sam asked and she looked at him remembering the small kid she used help with homework.

"Been good. How about you?" Sam scoffed at her question. If only she knew how he's been. And how his brother's been. Coming back from the dead, hell, purgatory. She'd probably throw a chair at him for making up all this bullshit.

"Good yeah." Sam nodded. Y/n could hear footsteps approaching and prayed it wasn't who she thought it was. God knew she didn't want to see him. Maybe she hadn't been a good person, and this was her punishment, because Dean Winchester walked into the kitchen, her breath caught in her lungs.

"Sammy where the he-" Dean words got caught in his mouth as his gaze landed on her.

Y/n looked at the man she had loved and hoped that after all these years, she'd have fallen out of love with him. But one look and her heart started thudding against her ribcage. He had aged, but somehow, he was even more handsome. He was muscular now, his arms toned beneath his layers, and she could see it all. She could feel her eyes water and she didn't want to create a scene at someone's wake, she pushed past Sam and left the space with a word.

Dean stood frozen, he couldn't believe he'd run into her here of all places. The sight of her brought back a flood of memories and feelings he thought he had buried long ago. Despite the years and the changes, she was just as beautiful as he remembered. But then he wondered why was she here? Is she a relative? Does she know about the supernatural? Or worse is she a hunter?

He didn't know the answer to his questions but he knew one thing, that them meeting again after fifteen years was fate. And he'd be damned if he let go off her ever again. He'd do anything in his power to win her back because God knows he's been miserable since the minute he broke up with her. Without wasting another second Dean went behind her. He could see her going to the backyard and taking in deep breaths.

"Y/n." He said approaching her.

"Go away Dean.”

“Just hear me out once.” He pleaded.

“I don't want to hear any more of your lies." Her voice cracked as she spoke and Dean knew she was on the verge of crying.

"Lies? What lies?" He asked holding her arm and turning her to look at him. She shrugged her arm out of his grip and pulled away harshly.

"Maybe you have a bad memory Dean, fifteen years isn't that long of a time to forget about it." She snapped glaring at him. "Need I remind you of your lies? My mom died when I was four! She's inside I've seen her with my own eyes." She yelled. "I love you Y/n! And the very next day after breaking up with me I see you making out with some cheerleader. You don't do that to someone you love." She cried pushing at his chest. "You're a goddamn liar so leave me the fuck alone like you did that night at the park."

Each and every word pierced through him like a needle. It was worse than spending forty years in Hell. He knew he'd hurt her and deserved everything she threw his way, but hearing her think that he didn't love her—it just broke his heart. He never lied about his love for her.

"Y/n, baby please let me explain. I swear I'll tell you everything." He said holding her hand and she pushed him again.

"Don't touch me. And I don't need your explanations." She wiped her tears. "I'm not here for you I'm here for Asa." Dean felt a pang of jealousy at the late hunter's name and he wondered if they'd had something before he died. Is that why she's here. He completely forgot it's been fifteen years and there might be a possibility that she'd moved on. 

"How do you even know him?" He couldn't but ask. His jealousy getting the better of him.

"That is none of your concern." She retorted sharply.

"Sweetheart please hear me out." Dean begged and she moved to go back inside but the doors were locked.

"What the hell?" She tried turning the doorknob but it didn't budge. The two of them were locked out. Dean tried pushing the door but to no avail.

"Hello Dean." Dean turned to see Billie standing there and she was smirking almost evilly.

"Billie what are you doing here?" He asked the reaper. And she told him she's here to do what she does. She's here to take everyone who's inside. Dean asked her what's happening inside and she tells him a demon's got them locked inside and something about vengeance. He had to save Sam, his mom and Jody. Dean tells her to open the door for him and let him go inside, she makes him a deal to never interfere in the natural order of things and he agrees as long as she lets him inside.

"Dean what the hell is going on?" Y/n was now scared. Although she was well aware of supernatural theoretically but she was in no way prepared to fight. And demons? She didn't know those were real too.

"I'll explain later." Dean replied as calmly as possible. "Billie, I need you to keep her safe, please." Dean requested and the reaper raised her brow.

"Dean, I can either keep her safe or let you inside. I'm getting one thing out of this deal, and you're getting only one too." His jaw clenched at her words and he was internally cursing her for being a bitch.

"Fine. Get us in." He begrudgingly told the reaper and she created an opening in the door. Dean turned to Y/n and cupped her face in his large hands. "We're going in, but you gotta trust me, sweetheart. Stay by my side and I'll protect you." Y/n thought he was completely out his wits asking her to go inside a place where there's a demon.

"Time's of essence Dean." Billie commented and he glared at her. He held Y/n's hand and before she knew the two of them were inside. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw Sam, Jody and his mom alive, and even the others. Sam filled him in how the demon had cut off the water supply and locked all the doors. Y/n was terrified of being locked in a house with a demon but Dean held her close to him. His hand gripping hers tightly.

They all gathered in the living room to make a devils trap to trap whoever the demon was possesing and to keep themselves safe, being inside it.

"Dean who was that outside?" Y/n questioned her voice a quiet whisper.

"That was Billie she's a reaper." Dean replied moving her into the devils trap. She looked at him wide eyed.

"A reaper? The one that takes souls?" She questioned and he nodded. "You're acquainted with a reaper? What the fuck?" Before either of them could say any further Jody accused Mary of being possessed since her was last one to come into the room.

Sam and Dean tensed at her accusation of their mom being possessed but then Mary stepped into the devil's trap and moved out proving she's not it. Then Jody started cackling evilly, saying that was clever of Mary. With a flick of her hand she wooshed the trap, then she started attacking everyone one by one taunting them. She threw the twins across the wall and then slammed Mary in the door. She moved her hand towards Y/n but Dean pushed her behind him and the demon made him fly in the wall. Y/n was left unguarded and demon closed in on her. Sam neared them but possessed Jody threw him in the cabinet.

Y/n screamed as the demon neared her she inched backwards, her body trembling with fear. Dean watched as Jody wrapped her hand around Y/n's neck, he got up on his feet and pushed Jody away from her, not too harshly to not hurt his friend's body. He wrapped his body over her, shielding her body with his' and Sam started chanting the incantation to exorcise the demon out of Jody. The twins joined them and then Mary finished it off sending the demon back to hell.

The lights flickered back on and everyone was relieved at last. Y/n clutched Dean's shirt in her hands and hid her face in his chest. "You're fine..it's gone." He rubbed her back soothingly. "Hey sweetheart, look at me." Dean made her pull away slightly and placed his fingers underneath her chin making her look at him. "You okay?" She shook her head, no.

An hour later, Y/n was wrapped up in Dean's jacket, his mind drifting off to the first time he'd lend her his jacket and how it was their new beginning. He wondered if it was a sign of their another new beginning together. She sat on the hood of the Impala and the boys stood in front of her.

"What. The. Hell. Was. That?" She looked at Sam and Dean, while Mary and Jody watched their interaction for afar. "I mean I know werewolves and Vampires but demons? Reapers?" Dean grabbed her hand and brushed his thumb over the back of her hand.

"How'd you know about Werewolves and Vampires?" Dean asked softly and she told him how she was attacked by a werewolf and Asa saved her. And she researched a bit about the supernatural and Dean nodded in understanding. He shot Sam a glance and younger understood and left them alone.

"Sweetheart, I'll explain everything and I'll tell you why I left. You see I'm a hunter, my parents were too. I've grown up in this life. My mom did die when I was four. A demon killed her. My dad wanted us to find that demon and kill him. When I met you, I forgot all about it. I wanted to be a normal boy, I did love you with everything I had." She looked up at his eyes and they were sincere, different from when he broke her heart. It wasn't like he was holding back, or hiding something. "My dad, he didn't want you to get involved or me to lose focus. He told me that I should break your heart so you can move on with you life." Dean explained.

"I did move on with my life Dean." He shut his eyes not wanting to see the look on her face when she tells him she found someone else. "But I couldn't love anyone else. You made me question my worth, because, fuck it I was in love. And fuck you Dean for I couldn't have us."

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you question your worth, hell I wanted to show you how much you mean to me, I just wanted to keep you safe, away from this life. You aren't even back in my life for less two hours and look at this mess. I don't even want to think of what harm I would've caused you if you'd been with me all those years." He looked apologetic. "As for my mom, God's sister brought her back."

"Who THE FUCK?" She looked dumbfounded.

"It's long story." Dean chuckled. "All I'm saying is I've loved you this whole time and I only broke up with you because I didn't want you be in danger and because my dad said it was for the best." He rubbed the back of his head, half ashamed.

"Where's your dad?" She asked after few minutes of silence.

"He died, a few years ago." Dean replied gloomily.

"I'm sorry." Even if the man was the reason for her heartbreak she didn't feel good about him being dead. After all he was Dean's father. Dean nodded. "What now?"

"We could try again, that is if you want to. I'm tired of not being with you. I feel meeting you again after all these years, it's fate." Dean said softly. "And I still love you so fucking much." He rested his forehead against her.

"I still love you too, Dean." She whispered. The tension between them hangs in the air, heavy and charged. Without another word, Dean cups Y/N's face, his thumb gently brushing their cheek. There's a moment of hesitation, a breath, and then he leans in, capturing their lips in a passionate kiss.

The kiss is deep, intense, filled with all the unspoken emotions they've both been holding back. Dean pulls Y/N closer, as if trying to convey everything he couldn't say in words. For that moment, it's just the two of them, lost in the heat of the kiss. When they finally pull back, both breathless, Dean's forehead rests against Y/N's, his eyes still closed.

"Being away from you was worse than going to hell."

"As if you'd know what hell’s like." She replied rolling her eyes. Dean pulled away, his eyes filled with mischief.

"Oh I do, I went to hell, i was there for forty years."

"You're lying." She gave him a look and he shook his head.

"I'm not. I went to hell and then Castiel the angel pulled me out. Who by the way is now my best friend."

"SAMMY? HE'S LYING ISN'T HE??" She yelled to the younger Winchester and Dean barked out a laugh at her reaction. Sam didn't know what she was on about so he laughed too.

"You've got a lot of catching up to do, sweetheart." Dean said while helping her down off the hood. He threw an arm over her shoulder and dragged her towards his mom. "Mom this is Y/n. My highschool sweetheart." He said pecking her temple.

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Winchester.” Y/n said extending her hand for her to shake but Mary pulled her into a hug.

“Call me Mary. And welcome to the family.” She smiled. Dean grinned, watching the exchange with a sense of pride. Mary’s embrace made Y/n feel instantly at ease. Mary pulled back slightly, her eyes twinkling with warmth. “I’ve heard so much about you, it’s wonderful to finally put a face to the name.”

“You have?” She questioned looking at Dean who looked away shyly.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I wasn’t around the first time.” Mary joked and Y/n let out an awkward laugh.

Dean stood by, his arm still around Y/n, feeling a deep sense of contentment as his worlds finally came together. He knew they still had a lot to talk about but he also knew that they were meant to be. It’s destiny. Now that he’s got her, he’s never letting her go matter what life throws at him. He’s finally home.

Tags:

@spnfamily-j2 @galway-girlatwork @deangirl96 @queensilber

@s0urw00lf @monkey-d-hoshizora98 @deans-baby-momma @fullbelieverheart

@riah1606 @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @hobby27

@starkleila @suckitands33 @m3ntally-unstable @kanekilovelove-blog @candy-coated-misery0731

@blackcherrywhiskey @ladysparkles78 @goest-and-fuckest-thyself-blog @graywrites5567

@thelittlelightinthedarkness @enamoredwithbella @winchesterwild78 @myuhh8

[fandom-hoarder]

I'm currently watching season 12 of spn for the first time and oh my god, samdean are so married. Wow. Y'all were not exaggerating.

Do you have any late seasons (doesn't necessarily have to be season 12) wincest fic recs?

I'm so happy to hear you're enjoying the late seasons domesticity! I love them so much.🥰🥰🥰

Your ask has made me realize I really need to make a masterlist of my rec lists, because my tag is a mess right now lol. I do have some recs for you! IDK if you care about spoilers, but I tried to avoid s13-15 fics just in case. Many of these skew angsty with a positive ending, because that's my jam.

Mid-Late Seasons Wincest (through s12)

Fics:

Let’s Do Some Living After We Die by AmyPond45 (post s11 canon divergence)

Darkness, Darkest by themegalosaurus (ep 11x13)

Bleeding Out by themegalosaurus (ep 11x13)

Wire Inside Me by merle_p (post 12x07)

Bullet for my Valentine by merle_p (ep 11x05)

the apprentice year by deadlybride (between s7 and s8)

what lasts by deadlybride (gencest s8 canon divergence)

Getting Down And Out by verucasalt123 (post ep 10x12)

timshel by deadlybride (ep 11x20 + early seasons retrospective)

a few things worth saying by hathfrozen (s10 canon divergence)

the blood in your mouth by hathfrozen (s11 biting, cannibalism kink, sweeter than that sounds lol; I recorded podfic for this)

Camp by LaughableLament (s11 era fake relationship case fic)

Summer Film Festival of Death by OldToadWoman (case fic, canon compliant through s11; includes a side pairing for Mary)

almost rosy by shiftylinguini (post-ep 12x02)

The Starving Time by Sintari (s12 case fic)

Memory Box by smalltrolven (post 12x08/12x09, Sam has powers)

presumption by deadlybride (post 12x05)

so let it out and let it in by nowhere_blake (12x02, I made podfic for this, too)

All Things Series by sonofabiscuit77 (s12, s12)

Rec Lists:

Caretaker!Dean in the Bunker is a rec list of bunker era hurt sam fic

Mary Finds Out is mostly s12, I think, but leans Mary critical due to the request.

Self Recs:

his body is his but he gives it to me (11x09 pwp, possessive/protective exhibitionist Dean)

To Reclaim Love's Obsession (11x13/11x14 love spell)

[abbott976]

I've been thinking a lot about Zekina lately (shocker, I know) and @theangrypomeranian has me noticing just how often Zeke and Tina really interact throughout the show, specifically in terms of physical proximity.

But beyond that, there are so many amazing examples and moments where Zeke is truly just DOWN BAD for Tina and willing to do anything for her.

While we have the classic examples of The Mad Pooper and Mid-Day Run, there are a lot of other moments where Zeke shows how much he likes Tina!

For example, in Teen-a Witch (S7 Ep 3), when Tina notes that she feels Jimmy Jr likely responded to her new attitude and chocker necklace, while J-Ju doesn't seem convinced (even stating "eh, idk") Zeke interjects that he liked her new look and confidence.

Similarly, in The Landship (S6 Ep 2), we see Zeke tell Tina that she has a spicy and a not spicy side and that he likes both sides of her. He also at the start of this episode is the one to encourage her to "get some spice in ya girl!" and to let loose a bit. I think this just shows that while he is supportive of whatever side Tina has to give, he is also willing to encourage her to have fun and be more in tune with herself.

Throughout the show, we also see multiple instances where Zeke is an enthusiastic participant in the Belcher Sibling Shenanigans, like in The Kids Run the Restaurant (S3 Ep 20), Stand By Gene (S6 Ep 12) and Stuck in the Kitchen With You (S12 Ep 8). There are plenty of other good examples of this, but they all demonstrate that not only is Zeke accepting and supportive of Tina, but he is willing to collaborate with her and her siblings and finds fun in their mischief.

For us as an audience, I think a real turning point for Tina going from hating Zeke to beginning to see him grow on her as a friend is seen in The Oeder Games (S5 Ep 21), where Zeke famously tells Tina that he's "up to his butt" in how much he likes her and the J-Ju takes her for granted.

This moment really pushes us as an audience into a new perspective where we begin to see this trio in new lights. As the series continues, we see Zeke and Tina continue to develop a growing friendship, albeit slowly, through moments like The Taking of Funtime One Two Three (S9 Ep 2) where we see Tina seek Zeke out for his skills and see J-Ju as an afterthought to the situation.

There seems to just be a slow and steady building of Zeke growing on Tina and their friendship slowly coming together, and I love to see how throughout it all, Zeke never wavers in his care and support for her. He's just patiently waiting in the wings, but also doesn't seem to feel that being her friend is settling in any way. He just likes her and likes spending time with her however she will let him.

There are a ton of other examples I could give, but I think it just goes to show there are those little strings and pieces of them throughout the show if you are really looking for them.

[nym-wibbly]

It's been brilliant marathoning Supernatural. That wasn't even physically possible when I first put the show on my 'to Watch' list and made the decision to avoid spoilers. I can currently access seasons 1-14 on ITVX, and all of it on Amazon Prime Video, which is something I take for granted far too easily. I still have actual stressy dreams about scrabbling around trying to collect and preserve shows on VHS, back when things aired once (if at all in the UK) then vanished.

I can say this for sure - watching this show air in real time would have driven me absolutely potty. Week to week, never mind season to season. Which may explain some of the fandom's wilder antics!

So, I'm a little way into season 13 now. The first few eps are emotionally brutal, with Dean basically falling apart at having lost so much during a single battle that he begs God - Chuck - for respite, praying, and turns inward when Chuck (to nobody's surprise) does nothing. I think I could've watched a whole season of Dean in that state of mind, with Sam trying to juggle that strain on their relationship, his own unsupported grief, and his nervous attempt to mentor Jack. But Dean's perked up because Castiel is back, by the efficent and simple ploy of having Cas irritate the boss of the celestial afterlife so much that it threw him back in disgust so it could get some sleep. Love it. (Is that the thingy that finally gets him in the end?)

I usually focus on characters, relationships, and performances as a viewer - that's my passion, after all. But some eps of Supernatural go above and beyond on the production side, especially the direction. Amanda Tapping brought her deep understanding of the sci-fantasy genre to her s12 ep (her first as director?) and Richard Speight Jr has done elegant wonders with some tricky material. The eps directed by Jensen Ackles highlight those particular passions of mine, characterisation-rich and full of heart. Speight's 12x12 Stuck in the Middle (With You) was so elaborately scripted that it could've been a hot mess in the wrong hands, but his direction delivered it pinpoint sharp and unsparing. I don't often smile at the direction alone, or even consciously notice it until I ponder the ep after the fact, but he practically had me punching the air while I watched. Impressive!

Next up is 13x07. Getting towards the sharp end!

ETA: Belated honourable mention for going with an ENTIRE SEASON of Dick gags that one time.

[ananke-xiii]

“Regarding Dean” is an okay episode, the perfect episode to place between “Lily Sunder has Some Regrets” and “Stuck in the Middle with You”. It feels filler-y but it’s totally not because it shows us where Sam and Dean stand as far as s12 main themes are concerned: family&love.

To the surprise of probably nobody, we find out that Sam is struggling a lot when it comes to how he positions himself within his family and around the people he loves. Dean, on the other hand, is walking on a much safer ground (which seems like a joke since the ep is literally about Dean slowly losing his memory but I’ll get there), he’s ready to move on to the next chapter of his life, a chapter where his relationship with his brother is not his only&main focus.

Who are the other members of Sam and Dean’s family? This episode tells us it’s Mary and Cas. Even though, so far in the season, Mary has come and gone, Cas has spent a considerable amount of time with none other than Crowley and the brothers have spent a couple of months in prison, the episode explicitly highlights multiple times that Mary and Cas are their family, no matter the amount of time they all actually spend together: what matters is the infamous bond between them.

And who’s feeding this bond? Who’s actually keeping in touch with Mary and Cas? Who’s the primary point of contact? Dean, of course. At the beginning of the episode, when Sam meets Dean at the waffle joint and realizes Dean is maybe drunk and his smartphone is dead, he says: “All right, well, I'll text Mom, make sure she knows to get a hold of me in case of emergency. And Cas, in case he tracks down Kelly”.

So it’s safe to say (and it is because we’ve already seen in past episodes that Sam is definitely not the one playing games and texting with Mary, nor the one calling Cas or receiving calls from him: people in this family know who to contact and it’s not Sam) that Sam is somehow detached from this family dynamic and, we’ll later discover, doesn’t really know what to make of this.

After Sam discovers that Dean is not hangover but hexed, the first thing Dean says is: “Look, we could figure this out, okay? Don't go callin' Mom or Cas with this”. Mmmm, interesting. We’re back to Mary and Cas. Again. And why shouldn’t Sam call them? And, maybe more importantly, why Sam doesn’t call them anyway? So maaany questions :P

The last time Mary and Cas are mentioned together again is in the mirror scene. Dean is regarding himself in the bathroom mirror, trying to remember who he is and he defines himself as follows: “Ahh. Okay. My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. Uh, Mary Winchester is my mom. And Cast—Cas is my best friend”. So Dean defines himself based on his relationship with the different family members: brother, son, best friend. Once he starts forgetting who these people are he also starts forgetting himself:

“My name is Dean Wi—Winchester.

My name—My name is...

My... My... I don’t know”.

This is crucial. The scene is quite tragic but it’s telling us an important truth: what matters to Dean, what’s important to him to the point that it defines who he is, is his relationship with his family, with the people he loves. I said that it’s quite tragic because, at least to me, it’s a bit bleak that Dean doesn’t know who he is without other people. But I’ll come back to this point later.

So who is Dean? The reply comes right after the mirror scene from Rowena’s mouth: “Oh, you're a killer, Dean Winchester”. And this is super interesting because  just before we had this dialogue:

Rowena: You can really remember nothing, can you? What a gift not to recall the things you've done.

Dean: What have I done?

Are people the things they have done? Rowena could’ve said “You kill people, Dean” but no, she says “You are a killer”. And okay, the use of the verb “to kill” can start a debate on morals&justice&law (what’s the difference between killing and being a killer etc) but not the point here. The point here being that Rowena, regarding Dean, is confusing being and doing but Dean is not. He replies: “Wait, I... I kill people?”.

Rowena continues in her “misunderstanding”:

Rowena: But... but... though you may be a stubborn pain in the arse with the manners of a Neanderthal and the dining habits of a toddler, everything you've done, you've done... for the greater good.

Dean: Oh, and that's supposed to make it okay?

Rowena: I wouldn't know. You help those other than yourself. But me, I've done horrible things, and I told myself it was fine. It was the price of power. And power's what matters, right?

Then I met God and his sister. The two most powerful beings in the universe, wasting it on squabbling with each other. I thought, if—if they can't be happy, or at least satisfied, how can there be any hope for me?

Okay, so now we maybe have a clearer picture of who Dean is: he’s a killer (or he kills people) but he does so for the greater good. To help people other than himself. This is not exactly news to us, I mean, this episode is not telling us anything actually NEW about Dean but the catch is that it’s not about him, it’s about regarding him. How people perceive him and how he perceives himself. The last being the most important thing, we’ll have the answer at the end of the episode.

Rowena also drops the “happy” bomb. She’s talking based on the assumption that she must do things in order to be happy, even if these are horrible things, things she tells herself she's fine doing them because it’s the price of power. We’re starting to see the old theme of the “price of happiness” and Rowena thinks she’s paid it but she’s still unhappy and she’s becoming hopeless.

(Cas' love declaration in s15x18 echoes Rowena's dialogue, apart from the Dean thing (you're not a killer aka you're not how your enemies regard you, you're the most caring man aka you're how the people that love you regard you etc), Cas' words circle around the same concept: happiness is not in the having, is in the being or, maybe even more importantly, is in the giving oneself permission to be your true self)

Now we need to talk about Sam. While Dean is having an existential crisis in the bathroom, Sam drops another fucking bomb: “You know, I've seen my brother die, but watching him become... not him... This might actually be worse”.

Excuse me, sir? I mean, this is a very very loaded thing to say. To Sam Winchester seeing his brother dying might be better than watching him become not him. Which is also incorrect, because Dean is not not becoming him, he’s just Dean without "the weight" of the past on his shoulders. (btw, will somebody please give a hug to this giant man who's lived a life where death is o-kay and what's worse is living and not knowing how to move on? Please??? He needs it!) I think this says more about how Sam feels about himself than about how he feels about Dean and his relationship with his brother. And I think I’m right because at the end of the episode Sam explicitly says he was jealous. Sam really should be the one regarding himself in the mirror (and it’s a fucking shame that we didn’t get something like this for Sam because god, it’d be bomb) trying to remember who he is because Dean might be losing his memories but Sam is totally lost and in the dark.

He doesn’t call Mary or Cas because ??? but he does call Rowena for help, Rowena magically teleports and immediately arrives (okay she has an agenda but she does come super quickly, let’s give her that), she agrees to help them and to all of that Sam says: “I obviously don’t trust you”. Which, to be honest, fair, Sam I approve your long-lasting distrust of everything that has to do with Crowley because you have real reasons to do so. But it’s also time for you to learn to create meaningful connections and you cannot do so if you’re not willing to trust people. (important: Rowena tries to steal the Black Grimoire in this ep, the same book that she’ll try to steal in s13. Sam will then give her the one page she needs for her spell, so, you know, way to go Sam! It takes him one whole season to trust Rowena with one only page of the book but, progress).

Okay, time to wrap this rambling up with the final scene. We have this dialogue right here and it’s so gooood:

Sam: So how you holding up after the spell?

Dean: That thing kicked my ass.

Sam: You know, I gotta be honest. I was actually, uh, a little jealous at first.

Dean: Of what? The curse that nearly killed me?

Sam: No, just, you know... some of the things we've done, we've had this weight for... forever. And seeing it gone, uh, you looked happy.

Dean: Huh. Well, look, was it nice to drop our baggage? Yeah, maybe. Hell, probably. But it wasn't just the crap that got lost. I mean, it was everything. It was us, it was what we do, you know? All of it. So... that's what being happy looks like? I think I'll pass.

Sam and Rowena were a little jealous at first. Because Dean showed them life without the weight of the things they carry, the things they’ve done. Dean looked HAPPY. We can infer that Sam and Rowena are not happy, they do feel the weight of the things they’ve done and they would like OUT. They still have a long walk ahead of them to discover who they are apart from what they do and decide what’s next, what they decide to do, who they want to be and what are the actions that can lead them there.

But Dean, Dean is almost there, people. He’s not lost at all, even though he was the one with the brain almost gone. “It was us” and “it was what we do”. The distinction for him it’s clear. And he has weighted the pros and the cons and he has decided that IF that's what happiness is, if happiness is just forgetting about the crap, forgetting about the past, he will pass. He’s not willing to pay the price for a happiness where he doesn’t have a connection with his family, where the people he cares about (and for whom he does very bad things) are not there. The price for the supposed happiness is not worth Sam, Mary and Cas.

Earlier I said that I thought it was bleak, you know, not knowing yourself apart from other people. But the last scene where Dean is riding Larry (and he’s not yet under the spell so he’s Dean-Dean there) gives a lot of unexpected hope.

The song in the background is nostalgic and, frankly sad:

“So dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy

Dream while you can

For soon, you'll be a dreadful thing

My son, you'll be a man”

But it’s appropriate. Dean has accepted that, for him, caring for the people he loves is what constitutes his happiness. He has accepted that “horrible things” have been done and maybe will be done in their names. Acceptance is key: he’s on the right path to discover new parts of himself. He doesn't want to lose "the crap" because losing it means he'll also lose the people he cares about. And without the these people, without Sam, Mary and Cas, he doesn't yet know who he is. But he wants to find out. He wants to move on. And he wants to move on with the people he loves, doing "the good and the bad", not alone, oblivious and fake-happy. It’s bittersweet as all changes are but it must be done. He’s ready to grow up, ready to be a man, ready for love, ready to start a family, guys :").

(unfortunately it'll all go to pieces when Cas dies and Mary disappears in the AU (OF COURSE Dean will lose his will to live after that, because he was still in the process of differantiating himself from others, but he was SO there ffs) so thanks for nothing s12)(s14 "Lebanon" thankfully comes back to this theme and there Dean finally says, again and out loud for the people in the back, that he's okay with the choices he's made because they resulted in this crazy-ass, totally weirdo, supernatural family and he loves it and he's good with that. PERIOD)

[jimmyjrsmusoems]

I'm have an itching that only tinimmy episodes can fix and I figured you'd have the best opinions on that matter sooo

Best tinimmy episodes?

you have no idea how flattered i am that you came to me for this. seriously, an honor!! 🫡💖 (i also had an anon in my inbox a few weeks ago with this same question, and i haven’t gotten around to answering it, so i hope you see this!!) (picture is just for fun lol)

when i am in the mood to watch tinimmy episodes (which….is all the time) these are usually my go-to’s!

s1 ep 6 : sheesh! cab, bob?

literal babies in this episode!!!!

s3 ep 17 : two for tina

this episode changed my life the first time that i saw it

s4 ep 10 : presto tina-o

perhaps controversial, but they are SO CUTE IN THIS EPISODE. i love when they apologize to each other and when she calls him her “almost boyfriend” 😭

s4 ep 20 : gene it on

HE LOVES IT WHEN SHE’S MEAN!!!!!!!!

s7 ep 6 : the quirk-ducers

speaks for itself, i think

s7 ep 8 : ex machtina

THEEEEEE TINIMMY EPISODE. obviously i’m biased though

s7 ep 9 : bob actually

sky kiss 😭

s9 ep 14 : every which way but goose

he was too embarrassed to tell her about his butt stuff!!!! he rescues a goose for her!!! he has BEEF with a goose because of her!!!!! i love it

s9 ep 20 : the gene mile

i debated making this an honorable mention but i looooooove when they are competitive with each other so it made the list

honorable mentions (aka i love specific parts of this episode but i wouldn't necessarily call them "tinimmy episodes") :

s1 ep 10 : burger war, s2 ep 8 : bad tina, s3 ep 13 : my fuzzy valentine, s3 ep 23 : the unnatural, s5 ep 1 : work hard or die trying, girl, s5 ep 12 : the millie-churian candidate, s5 ep 16 : the runway club, s5 ep 21 : the oeder games, s6 ep 2 : the land ship, s6 ep 7 : the gene and courtney show, s6 ep 14 : the hormone-iums, s4 ep 7 : they serve horses, don't they?, s9 ep 9 : UFO no you didn't, s9 ep 22 : yes without my zeke, s10 ep 4 : pig trouble in little tina, s11 ep 11 : romancing the beef, s11 ep 22 : vampire disco death dance, s12 ep 18 : clear and present ginger, s13 ep 5 : so you stink you can dance, s13 ep 16 : what a (april) fool believes

thank you so much for asking!!! hope you like the list and find an episode to watch!!! 🫨🫶🏻💖

[autisticandroids]

hi! for the fic ranking thing, how do you rank s12?

i just rewatched it and i feel so conflicted because i absolutely hate the british mol arc, the cheapening of heaven/angels, lucifer's crappy comeback -- but then there they are trying new things with the federal prison ep, the dadstiel arc, key destiel scenes!!

also the mary thing ugh

i liked watching it: no, i liked watching parts but there were serious nearly unwatchable sections. on my first watch i loved it, and i still adore the first half. i like that mary is there, i like the lower stakes and sitcommy vibe, i like the ensemble-y ness, i think almost every episode in the first twelve episodes is a personal favorite except like, 12x05 and maybe 12x08 (and even then, i have a lot of affection for 12x08's goofiness). s12 is the only time i've enjoyed a lucifer-related plotline outside of season seven. but the back half is so aggressively fumbled that i was flabbergasted on rewatch. i actually don't mind the bmol that much, on rewatch i liked them better because i could engage with them as goofy which was fun, but the writers drop the ball on mary HARD. like having watched the rest of the show i was PISSED at how they failed to do anything with her, because i knew nothing better was coming. and then like every motw episode after regarding dean is unwatchable.

i like thinking about it: yes. we could've had it all.......

i like what it could have been: yes. we could've had it all................................................

i like its broader impact on the narrative: yes. broadly i like the new spn that season twelve pitched. wish they'd stayed on the ball in the back half + s13 though.

[eeclare]

Something that I’ve noticed in bobs burgers is that they seem to be hinting at the passage of time starting around season 10-11 ish??

Like hear me out:

It really feels like they’re hinting that almost a year has passed since the first season

in s11 when they make the trip to the airport to see gloria and al, Bob is all excited about it because that means they don’t have to go on their trip to florida “this year” and we know that they visit Linda’s parents yearly

And we have only had one episode in which they actually visit them lol

Not to mention the fact that Tina has now had two “bday”episodes (s12 wasn’t rlly birthday related, but it takes place in the weeks before her bday and it is a minor side plot) which heavily indicates that they are trying to imply the passage of time in which all of these episodes kind of take place in the same year

Obvi Christmas and thanksgiving eps are repeated a ton but you (as in the collective you) have to keep in mind the fact that this is a tv show and tv shows typically have to follow certain rules and such esp if disney/fox is in charge

And the movie takes place in the summer time (which comes after Tina’s bday, as i just learned)

+ the summer also happens in the first season after Tina’s birthday yet again

So after saying all this, there’s just one thing that I DO NOT understand at alllllllll which is the fact that they didn’t make s13 or 14 have Tina starting high school or the kids going into dif grades and such

Like fr people THINK of the possibilities

There would be soo many emotions with gene and louise navigating going to a different school than tina and tina just starting high school in general

UGH and all of the high school experiences she could have

And tbh we could keep her as a 9th grader forever and I would be just as happy

Okay obviously I do actually understand WHY they chose not to do that, bcs sometimes when they age characters up in shows like that it bombs

But think of All Grown Up (rugrats reboot/aged up) which I know is kinda niche(?) and an entirely different series from rugrats but still I always just loved the idea of aging characters up so that we kind of grow with them lol

(btw am i the only one that can kind of see a tina-tackling-high school spin off show being semi-successful?)

and I also feel the need to mention Boy Meets World which effectively aged their characters up AND kept it all in one show lmao

So we know it’s possible, it’s just dangerous 💀

Anyway, at end of my very long winded rant, I just want to say that the creators are just (subtly) shoving it right in our faces and we just are not acknowledging the fact that only a year as gone by in the canonical bobs burgers universe and that is just totally wild to me

thank u for your time 🤟

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

you bring up such a good point regarding tptb creating weird dilemmas, and you may disagree but i think it was just them doing very depthless, desperate writing in every ep after swan song. i did a s12-13 rewatch recently and was blown away by how ridiculous the characters' choices were considering knowledge we saw them obtain in MUCH prior seasons. a lot was contrived the entire show's run just for drama but it really got nauseating often enough i had to stop the rewatch. i know the heart of the show is always a case, but we're meant to care about the characters solving the case to stay seated and you could tell the writers didn't give a shit if we did or didn't, which is, admittedly, sorta slay. i had a lot of complaints on substance but actually the strangest thing to me was forcing the bros to disagree on things that no two people who are genuinely compatible companions would ever bicker or waste breath about. literally any other character could have been used as a narrative tool to draw out the other side of the argument or create the needed tension, but them full on brawling between themselves about big ticket worldview/ethos things like if mary's dead or if jack is evil was just so forced and so pathetic! maybe the thought was the show would get boring if they didn't seem like two separate people anymore, but it did a massive disservice to the story of these specific men who genuinely simply wouldn't, on certain levels, be two separate people anymore.

I know that a lot of folks weren't happy with the later seasons. But I also know some folks who prefer the later seasons. Me, I like the entire run and found each season had its own strengths and weaknesses, but in general were all worth watching.

The main dilemma facing a show with only two regular characters, and that is ultimately just about the relationship between those two characters, is that the drama is most likely going to involve, or come back to over and over again, conflict between those two characters. So with Supernatural, we got the boys' multiple break-up and make-up arcs. And yeah, those got tiresome after a while. But, I found that starting in season 11 the boys really were together and on the same page more often than not. But, Sam and Dean are different people, and they have different views on things and think about things in different ways, feel and process stuff differently, and this makes them more interesting, at least to me.

So yes, the drama throughout the show (even in the early seasons) often feels a bit contrived, but it is contrived, it's fiction. And more than just fiction, it was a 22-23 episode/season show so some repetitive and contrived drama is to be expected. I don't know, maybe I'm the weirdo with it, but I think that the entire 15 season story is pretty good, feels consistent to me (allowing for the various practical/real world changes outside the show's control) and at the end felt like it told one big epic hero's journey story about these two brothers.

But the best thing about Supernatural, is that anyone can just pick and choose what parts of it they want to watch now. Really only like the Kripke era? Just watch 1-5. Like Castiel? Start at season 4 and only watch about a quarter of the episodes from there on. Or do what I do and subject yourself to watching all 327 episodes in order every year or so.

TV shows, especially 22-23 episode long season shows, are a collaborative effort that have a lot of cooks in the kitchen. So sometimes they crank out huge gourmet meals while at other times they just end up fighting about what's on the menu. Honestly? We lucked out with Supernatural because it really is way more good than bad and that was due to Kripke and Singer and Manners, and Jared and Jensen, and the majority of the crew that was there for so much of the run, really caring about the show and the characters and putting everything they had into making something that they so obviously loved.

[matthewsgreybubbles]

S12 ep 22 At the very end what the flip im in shambles

I was pacinf the WHOLE episide

WHEN REID THREW THE TAVKE AND CHAIR??? WHAT THE FUCK

DEREK? WHAT THE RUCK WHATS HE DOING HERE I SWEAR HES LEFT FOR SWAT OR SOMETHING 😨😨

WAIT NO1 TOLD HIM ??? WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

Huh whats happening🔥🔥🔥

Im so lost

I canr w him and the beard

WAIR DOES TBIS MEAN NO REID FOR AFEW EPS BC HE NEEDS TO GO THROUGH ALL THE PAPERS AND STUFF

How have derek and reid not seen eachother yet im not okay i need them to re meet up

THE WADDLE LMFAO

VOLTRON REF PENELOPE I LOVE YOU

Aw man what the flip thr truck???

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THATS THE END

I hope you're having a great time tho lmao- you're panicking rn.

[shinelikethunder]

Hellooo i was intrigued by your "fucked up supernatural shit" posts so i binged the fucked up episodes you suggested and now I'm a supernatural fan, sadly. I still refuse to watch all of it so i would very much appreciate if you could recommend some more fucked up episodes, especially focused on sam-dean-john dynamics. Also I like your taste in fucked up stuff so if you have any other fandoms to recommend I'd also appreciate that

idk if you caught the reblog with the Sicko Cut Bonus Episodes but every suggestion in there is also a doozy; for a broader range of "sick shit and fucked-up family dynamics" episodes i'd expand it to (previously recced eps in parentheses):

season one: 1, (6), 9/10/11, 14/15/16, (18), and (20/21/22)

season two: (1)/2/3/4/5, (8), 10, 11, (14), and 20/21/22

season three: this is where my ability to pick favorites starts breaking down; s3 is kinda my fave of all the seasons, but for the overall vibe rather than particular standouts. it's only 16 episodes long, so watching it in full is more doable. but the fucky family shit is strongest in episodes 1, 2, 8, (10), 11, and 14/15/16.

season four: i regret to admit that just about every episode in this season is a straight fucking banger. like, the only two i'd be tempted to skip aren't even bad. but extra-special sicko shoutouts to episodes 1, (3), 9/10/11, 14, 16, 19, and 20.

on to the slimmer pickings...

season five: the first five are a fun time and the last two or three SLAP, but man, the handful of salvageable eps in the middle are buried in a minefield of ones i WANT to slap.

season six: look, i may not respect s6 or think it's good, but by GOD do i enjoy it. the WHOLE THING is the new showrunner's grody id-fic, but episodes 5 and 10 are on a special level of sick.

season seven: .....no.

ok, ok, MAYBE 1, 2, 11, 15, and 17. but this is where SPN starts getting truly wretched.

after that... 8x03 i guess, 9x07, 9x19, 10x03, 10x09, 11x04...

s11 i actually found pretty enjoyable, and everything from 11x09 through 11x14 starts serving GREAT grody id-fic vibes again. but bail out after 11x19 at latest, because the end of the season is. bad.

s12-15 have a couple of arc plots with sicko potential i guess? but in my head most of the episodes are an undifferentiated blob of Does Not Fuck.

there are also a handful of early-seasons eps that are softer and sadder that i love a lot: 1x03, 1x12, 2x13, 2x16... plus for "mixed bag but the fun parts are a total blast," 2x17, 3x06, and 3x12.

[fandom-hoarder]

I have thoughts of Sam being pregnant and Dean not knowing that he is the father! It plays in S12 and Mary has just come back.

Sam didn’t know yet he was pregnant when the british men of letters kidnapped him. He only become aware of it afterward, when Dean and Mary had saved him. Sam was out of his mind with panic and dread.

He and Dean didn’t had sex for years. They stopped their love affair when Sam was possessed by Gadreel and didn’t pick it up again.

However, just the night before Dean went to kill Amara with the soul bomb sitting in his chest, something happened. Dean was drunk as hell and Sam was grief stricken. They had sex, trying to find last comfort in the other's body. That’s how Sam ended up pregnant. Dean though can’t remember the night. He was too drunk and his memories are blank.

Sam doesn’t dare tell Dean he is pregnant now that their mother is around, but it becomes plain soon. Sam’s belly starts swelling and everyone knows it. Dean begins looking at him with a mix of anger, pain and amazement. He knows they aren’t together anymore, but Dean still feels betrayed. At the same time though, Dean can’t stop noticing how beautiful Sam looks with his swollen belly, heavy with life growing below his heart. And he is actually excited to see the baby, getting to hold it and be called uncle.

Now I wanna know from you how Dean could find out that Sam is pregnant from him and how would he react?

[sorry I let this marinate so long! but I've just been rewatching a few s12 eps, so I was thinking about this]

Imagine that scene near the end of Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox, when the demon has possessed Jody and she's going around the room tattling everyone's secrets... Mostly the demon is revealing secrets of people it possessed, but it can smell Sam's pregnancy -- it's a crossroads demon, it's its job to know what leverage it has to work with.

Earlier in the episode, Dean is talking about how Asa went out the way all hunters do, and how they should be so lucky. Imagine secretly-pregnant Sam, how his heart sinks at those words. How there's just no way he can tell Dean he's pregnant now.

So the demon does. But the demon can't tell whose it is -- doesn't care, or maybe just can't seem to spit it out as everyone in the room has a turn at saying the exorcism and casting it out.

When Dean hears in that moment that Sam is pregnant, he can't sort out his feelings about it -- it's too much. It's a blessing and a curse, because he's always wished for that apple pie life for Sammy, and he should want Sam to be able to move on; but damn, what is his brother thinking with this timing? And who's the father?!

But he can't ask that in front of their mother and all these people, and Sam has buttoned up; too anxious to tell the truth.

Dean gets the answer to that when they finally track down Vince Vincente weeks later -- Sam still comes along despite his condition, of course (Dean grumbles equally about headstrong baby brothers and Sam's savior complex and his teenage crush on Vince). And when they get trapped in the empty concert hall with Lucifer!Vince, rather than whining about dear ol' dad leaving him, Lucifer waxes poetic about how he deserved to be the one to make a child with Sam -- how he took Vince's body because he'd seen Sam's crush when he'd possessed him and he knew it'd draw Sam to him. How it's not fair that Dean of all people got there first -- doesn't he understand that Lucifer deserves Sam?

And now Dean is really out for Lucifer's head.

[antigonewinchester]

15x03 (transcript @ the link)

This season is practically shouting at its audience how it’s about DEATH and ENDINGS and SACRIFICES FOR WHAT YOU LOVE, huh.

Interesting that both Ketch and Rowena die in this episode, both in ways that... redeem them, I suppose is the best way to put it. Ketch dies because he won’t give up Sam & Dean, in contrast to his villainy from S12, while Rowena dies for her belief and faith in magic, and in doing so saves the world, at least for a little while.

SAM There has to be another way. ROWENA I wish there were... I do. I don't care about anything enough to take my own life. Not you, your brother... not even the world. But I believe in prophecy. I believe in magic. And I'm here, and you're here, and everything we need to end this right is in our hands. [She puts the dagger in Sam's hands and tries to get him to stab her.] ROWENA I know this in my bones... it has to be this way. Do it! Kill me, Samuel! [SAM hesitates. ROWENA puts a hand on his shoulder.] ROWENA I know we've gotten quite fond of each other, haven't we? But will you let the world die, let your brother die, just so I can live? ... SAM No. [He stabs her, crying. ROWENA touches his face.] ROWENA That's my boy.

I really do not care for Rowena as a character, so surprisingly I found her death kind of touching. I’ve read some view of the later seasons as very pessimistic - Sam wants to prevent Rowena’s death and he’s unable to, that’s her “fate” that can’t be changed - and I get where ppl are coming from but... if one’s fate = death, then can that really be changed? Isn’t death the one inevitability in life? SPN has been grappling with the force & tragedy & horror & inevitability of death since S1, after all.

CASTIEL The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong. DEAN Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you? [CASTIEL stares at him, stunned and hurt.] CASTIEL You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing, and – and I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care. I'm... dead to you. You still blame me for Mary. [DEAN nods.] CASTIEL Well, I don't think there's anything left to say. [CASTIEL makes to leave.] DEAN Where you going? CASTIEL Jack's dead. Chuck's gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it's time for me to move on.

I still can’t believe there isn’t more Berens criticism in fandom - there’s so much to dislike!! There really are striking dysfunctional dynamics & emotional patterns in how Berens characterizes many of the show’s characters and within his interpersonal relationships that I don’t see talked about enough, tbh. (Maybe I should write my ‘why 12x22 is lowkey incredibly messed up’ essay. For all the people love to criticize the show, I’m surprising more people accept the show’s framing of it as a heartwarming ep for Dean & Mary, instead of how disturbing it really is, imo.)

Case in point here: so much of Berens’s emotional conflicts centers on Dean’s excessive anger/resentments/holding onto hurt feelings, which then drives the conflict between him and other characters, and is always resolved thru Dean’s forgiveness/letting go of his hurts. And I’m so tired of it. There’s an element of this dynamic that’s been the show for a long time (e.g., Bobby’s “boo hoo princess!” speech from 4x22) but it just gets worse and more dysfunctional and more boring as it keeps playing out.

[my-ghost-monument]

DW Positivity Drive

Saw @jolivira doing this - a drive to share what we love about doctor who - and wanted to spread some more positivity! Heads up, it's mostly about 13's era, lol.

Thirteen. She's just - ahhhh. My absolute favourite doctor ever. I never knew how much I wanted to see a woman playing the doctor until I watched 13. I love her energy, how she moves and bounds across the screen, how she delivers her awe-speeches and her anger too (her rage against the Master is just *chef's kiss*). Her way of delivering emotion too. I also love her outfit! It's so cool. The magenta shirt is a favourite, but I love her coat the best.

Thasmin. What can I say about this, other than it's everything I ever wanted? I've shipped Yaz and 13 since their first ever episode. I fel the vibes from them, and to see it be canon on screen is a feeling that will never leave. I adore the way they interact together, especially as s12 hits and that slow burn/crush/feelings make themselves obvious. Their hints that are scattered in s12 are magical - the lingering look in Praxeus, the comparison with Bryon and the 'get off me, Yaz' bits are just more ahhhh! I love how it pans over into flux (the hug!! The way they fly the TARDIS together!!) and into the love story of the specials.

Which need their own point: the 13 specials. All of them are just such favourites. Time loops and daleks and love confessions! And then LOTSD is one of the eps I will always remember just watching with my jaw dropped in amazement. And TPOTD is, imo, one of the best finales in dw. The independance and beautiful drive Yaz has. The hand/arm touch when 13's regenerating. The bridal carry! The implict and very much there intimacy the two have, where it's almost like the viewer is intruding.

Yaz Khan. I adore Yaz. She's one of my favourite companions. Her journey through the series - how she grows and develops herself. Yaz's arc is so subtle and beautiful and amazing, and it really shines now her whole era is done. She's such a good character, and I love how she stopped taking 13's shit and confronted her, and actually got so much of 13 told to her, and got to experience her first taste of love. How she'll be able to go on in her life now knowing what she's capable of, and that she deserves everything. And I will always love the fact that she can fly the TARDIS.

And of course, Mandip and Jodie specifically, because their acting was phenomenal. Towards the thasmin scenes and in general too.

Thirteen's TARDIS. It's honestly so beautiful. I love the colouring and the vibes, and how warm and cost it could feel and how cold and alien it looked in s12. It's such an organic structure, and really looked fascinating and alien.

Dhawan's Master. He is hands down the best for me. He's amazing in acting, he brings such energy and gusto. His chaotic evil, lashing out and hoping for that strike, his gambling, has made him so good to watch. His anger is explosive, his humour is great, and the way he interacted with 13/Jodie just was so good. The Rasputin dance scene - just wow, lol.

For S11 eps: Demons of the Punjab. What a stunning, heart-wrenching ep. And The Tsuranga Conumdrum since it's probably my favourite of s11 and I love the story progression. Also the 'come to daddy. I mean mummy' line in Ghost Monument.

Chibnall. I love how his era went (It's, if you can't tell, my favourite). The ideas he used, his timeless child arc and how it relates to adoption and abuse. The fact he gave us canon thasmin. How he brought in the 'terrible/imperial time lords' again, with the timeless child. The existence of Karvanista. How he ended his era in a perfect way, that wasn't devestating or grimdark but fit the natural tradegy every doctor must face while also giving Yaz a whole life to explore from now on - how every 13 companion got to live and go home too.

Martha Jones. She was my first favourite companion and I adore her personality and her sense of self and drive. And that leather jacket! (Smith and Jones will always be a favourite ep for me too, because of how cool Martha is in it).

The Runaway Bride and Partners in Crime. They're absolutely hilarious eps I love coming back to.

Lastly, I love the doctor themselves. How they are a character who is so full of love and will gladly sacrifice themselves to save their chosen home and people. They have flaws, but at their core all they want to do is help and be loved and love.

All I can think of right now - if you've reached the end, go and make your own post to keep sharing the positivity! <3

[okimargarvez]

Falling slowly - 2

See the first part here.

Season 13 starts with the consequences of the big crash in S12 finale. Penelope calls Matt and they reach the team. Rossi tell them to help the others. She goes to JJ and Luke. But then she notices Stephen body and runs to the car. Luke takes just a second before following her. He reassures her, and she is aware of who is taking care of her… but I think that the moment is so tragic that she can’t really think about it. Anyway, she doesn’t ask his help, as always; it’s Luke that can’t help but worries for her.

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Then we have 6 weeks of vacation for the whole team. Their first relevant moment is in ep 3. They are talking about Linda problem with Spencer. Luke wants to impress her and finds the right solution. It works, considering the way she looks at him and her flirty tone. That’s why she calls him Cool Hand Luke, and when he asks her if she is okay, she replies that he should bask in it, when she is nice with him. And then, she uses a flirty tone but then realizes that there is also Luke, on the other side of the phone.

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Their relationship is evolved, anyway, in a sort of friendship. When they are not alone, they are more relaxed. You can see it in more than one occasion, like when they talk about having just the things you really need (ep 6).

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Another moment in that direction is in ep 7, when they go together to give little Lou to Phil. Luke could do it by himself, he doesn’t really need someone, but he wants to and he choses her. Penelope knows it and that makes her really happy. She leaves Luke to put his hand on her waist. It’s the first time that they are hugged for happy reason.

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They have a flirty scene in episode 11, when Penelope says that her mission statement is to not flirt with him.

But then, something really important happens in 12th. Phil set a date for Luke and his physiotherapist, Lisa. But the date is interrupted by Penelope. She wants to meet her. She seems really happy to know her, and she is. This means that her crush on Luke is over? Not at all. It’s just her way of being. She puts the happiness of people she loves before her own.

But during her conversation with Lisa, she says interesting things. She wants to underline the fact that they are incompatible. Like oil and water. She says that other people consider Luke smart, funny and “easy on the eyes”. But he’s not her type and they are just… coworkers. Not even friends. But Luke introduced her to Lisa with the same title: we work together at BAU. And it’s not just what she said, but the way she said it. Her faces, her eyes and the big and so embarrassed smile when Luke reaches them.

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Nothing happens until episode 16. Previous Linda Barnes split up the team. Penelope is sent to another team, while Luke stays at BAU. Then they win the battle and they all come back. Luke is so happy for her returning and she allows him to help her with her stuff.

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Then, in ep 20, she has to go to San Francisco, for the parole of Jessie, the guy that killed her parents in a crash. They both think of each other. We see Pen sits on a bench and staring at a pic of them together. And, since we have an interview of Kirsten saying that this scene means she realizes/accepts her feeling for Luke… We can be sure.

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After Lisa, their relationship changed. They are closer. Penelope let him to stay closer. Because now he has Lisa, so she is sure that nothing will happen between them. They both aren’t betrayal type. For her, Lisa is another screen, like Roxy and the tease. Despite this, in S14 their situation changes again.

Penelope leaves him closer when the thing is only about him, like when they talk about Lisa moving in with him (ep 6), or the housewarming party (ep 11). But it’s different when the question includes her. That’s why she rejects his offer to watch snuff movies at her place (but she already did) and also his not so hidden attempt to take care of her, as he always does (ep 3). Penelope says exactly that nobody has time for her sensitiveness, but she must know that it’s not true. The truth is that she doesn’t want the help of anybody, not even Morgan.

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In episode 8 Luke must work with her, because he can’t go on the field. He is so happy and flirty, and she turns on the ice queen mood. But she still calls him by his name. And at the end of the episode, she rejects to give him a five, and to consider them as a duo. She doesn’t want to admit that he helped, to solve the case… but then she has to ask his help again. For Rossi engagement party.

We can’t see them work on it, but we can guess it. For Luke it’s probably another way to show her that they are really good when they work together. And she is his priority during the whole family moment. The team is happy for Rossi and Krystall, but Luke eyes follow her all time. He waits, literally waits to have his chance and share the happiness with an hug. He asks it, he almost begs for it and he gets it. When they detach, he stills care about her, he brushes her shoulder, while Rossi and Krystall kiss.

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We already mentioned episode 11. Here, Penelope shows herself like the perfect friend. She tries to make him understand that he should do what Lisa wants and that has no sense he doesn’t want to have a party.  We can see that her feeling for him is so strong. In her gaze. They are talking about his absent girlfriend, but her eyes, her body and voice are flirting. And he does the same.

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Then we see them together and close for no reason also in ep 13. Luke arm is hurt, but he stays at work with Penelope instead at his apartment. Rossi walks and finds them so.

In the successive episode the oldest BAU member watch again Luke flirty and crazy, while they are talking about the case. He tells Penelope to call them back when she finds the data… but she replies that she is really good about multitasking. Flirting back. And he follows her, telling her that he knows she is great, but Rossi has just called. She replies that she is fantastic and not just great.

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Then, Rossi wedding is coming. The team is at work, but they play poker. She just watches, then JJ wins and Luke thanks Tara to “not let me put Garcia octopus mug on the pile” and she looks at him confused, but he says is nothing.

Then, at the end, Rossi and Krystall are finally married. And Luke and Penelope are really close. They dance together, he follows her… but Penelope makes her part. She is so happy and so in love with him. It’s her body language that tells us so. She allows him to take care of her during the dancing moments. The casque is a thing that demands trust. And the fact she takes away her glasses and shoes… his hands on her waist, hers around his neck. Like a real couple.

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We can guess that their relationship grows between s14 and s15. In the first episode of the latter, she plays the role of Luke girlfriend. Lisa is not there, again. Krysty and Matt thank them for the party. L&P acting like a couple. Again. I’m repeating myself. But that’s true. The way they talk, look at each other.

Then, in ep 3, she is so worried when they lose the contact with him at the hospital. Even more than when he is kidnapped with Matt (ep 5). It’s a hard period for the BAU and especially for Pen. Between ep 1 and 2, JJ fights for her life, then the bomb… and before the kidnapping, we have the stalker episode.

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Ep 4 is one of the most important for garvez and especially to see Penelope love for Luke. She provokes him at the beginning, like when she says they should call the whole team and point on Luke. But after it, all her gestures mean she wants his support, his approval. She chooses him to go on the field, Elizabeth’s apartment. Then, when she asks to let her talk with Elizabeth, because she needs someone that can understand and make her feel better and not worse… she looks at Luke, and he is the one who replies “okay, sure”, nodding.

But then, he follows her, and Penelope again includes him, points to him and looks at him, searching for his approval. She wants Luke to say that she is doing good. But this time it seems harder for him to understand it. Then she is trying to find Elizabeth stalker and is getting anxious. Luke reaches her, but she stays focus on job. He stops her and tells her that he knows she takes their cases personally, but not like this. She wants to talk about it? And Penelope could just reject it, but no. Because she wants to share it, maybe right with him. Because Luke is always so stubborn and comforts her many times (12x14, 12x17, 13x1).

She tells him about her stalker. He is shocked and angry. She almost doesn’t look at him. Luke asks her why she does not tell anybody about it. He guessed so, and is right, but how can he be sure? Because he knows her so well. And she knows it. She replies that her stalker lives in Russia, and they can’t catch him, plus, it’s not the worst thing happened to her, considering her job. Luke is so confused, because she can’t even look at crime scene photos. She tries to explain how she can do it, telling him, again, something she never told anybody. And she concludes saying that she can’t find her stalker but will not stop until she gets Elizabeth’s. And she does.

Then they all go at the hospital for Simmons 5th. And Penelope goes to him. Almost unbelievable, but she wants to thank him. And she does, in her way. She thanks him for spending his free day for… Elizabeth. He repeats exactly “Elizabeth”. She tells him it was very kind. And he replies that he wants to be on the speed dial if something moves about her stalker. She accepts, with a little sweet smile.

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Then they get back on the flirt in episode 7 and 8. She calls him again Newbie, but with a different shade compared to S12. The flirt is in other things. When she tells him to stop smiling, because her joke wasn’t for him. And when he calls her by her name and she replies “New phone. Who dis?”. He thanks her and she says he should worship at her throne. And he replies that he does, and she knows it.

She flirts a little even in the next episode, when they talk about JJ leaving the BAU. The flirt is in the comfort, the… confidence they have when they talk about this kind of things, because in this case is a big and important thing (JJ leaving the BAU!) but they discuss it in a way that seems… just gossip.

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In the 9th episode Luke says that he and Lisa are still friends after the breakup. He looks carefully at Penelope reaction. And she… she is nice with him, saying she is sorry for him, but then looks in a weird way at him, and drinks her beer. My opinion? She is scared. Because now Luke is single, and this means… that he is again a lure, for her. She can’t be nice with him with 0 risks. But she has other things in her minds. She tells them that she is considering leaving the BAU. Luke shows his approbation and after a second, she looks at him worried and almost hurt, asking him if he is trying to get rid of her. Obviously, he hurries to deny. Then she says she doesn’t want to leave, because the BAU is family, and Luke echoes her. She looks happy in a sweet way at him.

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In the successive, the last of original CM, Luke starts his court shamelessly. He gives milkshakes to the girls, but from Penelope favorite place. And she notices it. Her reaction is interesting. She doesn’t seem happy but… suspicious. Like: why did he do something like this? Then, Spencer risks to die (again) and Penelope stays at his side, making her job at the hospital… and this is enough. She decides to leave for real the BAU. And at the end of the ep, we have her farewell party. Luke is about to celebrate, but then she arrives. And she is the belle of the ball. Luke thinks that and she too. He gives her the glass he poured for himself, and her reaction is totally different from hers at the beginning of the episode. She smiles, she is so happy, and feels beautiful. You can see it in some frame during the dancing. Then, Luke asks her out and she is surprised and then happy. Genuinely happy. She says yes. In that moment she is really ready to give up on her feeling for him and trying the romantic side with Luke.

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Before talking about Penelope feelings for Luke in CME, we should talk a bit about what could have happened in the three years between 15x10 and 16x1. We know, after ep 9, that the date goes not as we expected. My opinion is that she was scared, because she realized that was a real date, that she could have been really happy with Luke… but she would have also opened her heart totally to him, and she never did something like that before. And she also saw how much Luke cared, during the date. And she took the first opportunity to ruin it. To step back. And that was… the awkwardness. She said that there is absolutely something between them, but not like that. My opinion: she thought that Luke hasn’t a physical interest for her, because he never told her anything about her body, not with words, but just with his eyes.

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In the first episode Penelope seems not happy to see him outside her door. She tries to send him away. But he is stubborn as always. They look at each other in silence for a while, then she gives up. She is a bit the ice queen again, with him, because Luke represents both BAU and a possible future (romantic) that she archived. He flirts and provokes her a lot, she avoids repaying him, until they talk with JJ and Rossi. Then, she treats him like old times gone. She asks them that the place is less annoying when Luke is not there. He reacts in his usual way and she is just proud of herself; second time is when she says that Luke has a “rare stroke of genius”.

Before it, they discuss the case, that is related to a website she worked on, and Penelope slapped him a lot of times. Weird thing to notice, she touched him first like three times, in CM, and only in this episode she touched him like 6 times. Anyway, Rossi is not so himself, after the death of his wife, as Luke told her, so Penelope hangs up. Luke asks her is she is okay; she shifts the speech on Rossi and not on her. Luke flirts with her again, saying that nobody takes her place at the BAU, physically, but not only. At first, she shows not interested, but then, when he adds that he barely knows their names, she is amused and tells him “It’s a weird thing that I kind of love it?”, flirting back. They call again the team, she finds the data, and Luke thanks her with a kiss on her cheek; she is clearly glad and tells him he owns her a lunch without awful things.

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At the end of ep 2 Penelope comes back to the BAU, because someone sent her data about the case the BAU is following. They catch him in the next ep. It wasn’t a killer, but the brother of one of Sicarius victims, Tyler Green. He is not so collaborative, and Penelope has an idea to make him talk. Luke is so supportive with her.

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In episode 4 he goes to her office and she tells him her idea, surprised when he replies that it’s great. She teases him, telling him that the rumor says Luke is difficult to work with, but oh, she starts the rumor. Before, though, she thanks him for catsitting Sergio, despite his allergies. Their relationship is weird, at this point. On one hand, they act like good friends, because there is trust and mutual confidence. On the other, the tease, flirt and other behaviors point on a sentimental/romantic side. Like the way they discuss about who should inform Emily about Penelope idea. They seem a married couple.

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Then, at the end of ep 5, Penelope is scared and worried for JJ and Luke, when the bomb explodes, and they lose the contact.

In ep 6 she finds the way to reactive one of the trackers, JJ’s. Luke’s one is dead. So she says she takes back all the mean things she said. She feels a lot of regret. She hopes he will be fine. But, meanwhile, she has another situation to handle. They found Tyler’s sister DNA and she told him. Now he is free. She goes to talk to him, but he thanks her and leaves her behind. So, she goes to the right place, waiting for her team to come back. She hugs Luke and JJ, thanking Universe to bring them back, even Luke. Probably the fact that there is another person in the middle (JJ) is why she seems totally involved and doesn’t want to let Luke go. Her hand is on his. Then they call her because Tyler was arrested; she takes him to her place, they talk, he tries to kiss her… they go on a walk, she has her idea, kisses him… runs to BAU, telling them her intuition… and Luke starts to wonder why she knows info that they don’t.

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In ep 7 she tells Emily what happened with TG, but then makes worst. It’s so clear that she has sex, that in the next (ep 8) even Luke realizes, because she is too nice with him. He asks her where the snark is, she seems surprised, then smiles, laughs and replies that he is funny and should be less hard on himself.

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But the real change, in Penelope behavior and feelings, happens in last episodes. She and Luke are so close here. They need Tyler to identify Sicarius, but he lies to them and then also to her, looking in her eyes. She notices. She is worried and stops right before Luke desk. He makes her tell what’s happening. She does, and he is not happy at all. She behaves in a not-Penelope way. Too selfish. She ignores his protests, keeps talking about her sex life with TG. Luke has to go away; he can’t stand it.

Then, all the team discover it, because TG used her message to track Rossi. Emily send her with JJ, Will and Luke. This latter makes everything to console her, make her feel better, take care of her. On the jet, on the field, when they find TG almost dead, at the PD… he is always close to her. Penelope takes a while to understand what he did for her. Only my opinion: seeing Luke so careful not only with her but also with Tyler, made her understand how Luke is, for real. So kind. He was always so, but she didn’t let herself to see him.

But when he arrives and she has just hangs up with TG news, she gives up. Penelope shows all her vulnerability and Luke tells her the truth: that they can try to lean on each other so they can find the strength to get through this together. She agrees. For her, it means that she accepts his help, and she never let someone, not even Derek, to help her. She always makes it by herself. They hug and she tells him “me and you”. Another important step for her. They work very good for the rest of the episode and save Rossi. She breaks up with Tyler, then, hugged to Luke, reach the others.

After the funeral, they go to Pen apartment. And she finds herself alone with Luke, again, like a couple. He asks her how she doing, she replies, for the first time, with the truth. She feels mad and sad (for TG situation), and is not happy for feel into old patterns; Luke replays that they would be out of job, if nobody do it. She smiles and agrees, adding that she course-correct herself. Then, she thinks about Emily Dickinson quote, but can’t remember it… Luke immediately catches it. And that surprises her. She is amazed. She finally sees Luke like a human being, a man. You can understand it by the look she gives him. Like she meets him for the second time.

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Recap: in S12 it was just a crush; she fell in love in the middle of S13; they became strong friends in S14, with trust and confidence; in S15 their relationship grown, then Luke and Lisa broken up and he made a real step in the direction of a romantic story; the date went bad, but their feelings are still there after 3 years, and in S16 she finally understood how kind is Luke and that she can’t avoid what she feels for him.

All my ramblings