#and the only thing I can do is like some completely medically invasive procedure | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

i-am-robie · 4 years ago

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Thanks to @coffeeshib for letting me steal the amnesia + wife prompt... I couldn’t help myself. This is not what I thought would come out (content warning for canon typical violence and injuries), mostly this is just Kara being a whole entire idiot and Alex facepalming and Lena just being glad Kara is there for her, as her fake wife while she recovers from another quarterly attempt on her life:

“Supergirl! You have to go!” Alex is yelling at her as they roll Lena into the emergency room at National City General, but Kara is rooted to the spot - she can’t look away. Lena is pale, too pale, and there’s blood all over her dress, cuts and scrapes and bruises already blooming on every piece of exposed skin. She isn’t moving, isn’t breathing on her own right now; the only air making its way into her body is through the ambu bag being operated by a nurse, as women and men in scrubs crowd around the moving gurney, shouting orders. And all of that is terrifying enough, but it isn’t the thing that’s paralyzing Kara.

The reason Kara can’t move, the reason that she is barely breathing, is that she can’t hear Lena’s heart.

“Kara.” Alex is closer now, she steps gently in front of her sister, dropping her voice so that no one else can hear her. “Kara, you have to go, they’re getting away.”

“Alex - “ Kara takes a step forward, as if to walk around her sister, to head towards the doors that Lena and the medical team are disappearing behind.

“I know, Kara, I know,” Alex says, gentle and quiet. The doors shut, and Kara’s eyes snap away from it to her sister's face. Alex looks as terrified as Kara feels; she’s wearing an expression Kara has only seen on her before when it’s Kara who’s hurt. “You can’t do anything for her right now. But you can get the guys who did this.” She reaches for Kara’s arm, squeezes - the pressure is grounding. “You need to go. You need to go right now.”

So Kara goes.

__________________

She returns seven hours later, after dropping the men who carried out the attack on Lena at the DEO and declining to help in the interrogation. She nearly killed them, doesn’t think she has the stomach to listen to them talk. She’d still been in the field when the hospital reached out to let her know that they’d been able to stabilize Lena, restarting her heart, but that she hasn’t woken up yet. Alex had relayed the message to her, but now Alex only shakes her head when Kara asks if there are any updates.

Her sister pulls her aside when Kara says that she’s going to hospital to talk to the doctors, telling Kara quietly that she needs to go home and clean off her suit. When Kara looks down, she sees that Alex is right. She’s covered in blood - some of Lena’s, some of it the men she’s apprehended, none of it hers. It makes her want to sob.

But when she gets out of the bathroom after showering, pulling on soft joggers and a hoodie, Kara finds that she can’t settle. Every time she closes her eyes, every time she blinks, she sees Lena’s lifeless body in the rubble that had been her office, can feel Lena in her arms the moment her heart stopped, and the fact that Lena is supposedly stable doesn’t help at all because she hasn’t woken up.

What if she never wakes up?

Suddenly, Kara can’t breathe. Her chest is tight, the walls of her apartment seeming to flex and close in on her. Her heart rate speeds up and she’s taking choked half-breaths, clenching her fists and blinking away tears.

She can’t lose Lena like this, not after she worked so hard to get her back. Kara looks at the clock. It’s just after midnight. This is definitely not visiting-hours at the hospital, and Lena’s not awake anyway - but Kara needs to see her. Needs to know she’s alive.

Needs to hear her heartbeat again.

It’s all of this - the panic, the desperation, the single-minded focus on getting to Lena - that Kara will blame later when she’s trying to explain what happens next in the weeks to come.

The hospital is deserted except for the staff when Kara walks in through the main entrance and goes up to the ICU where she knows Lena will be. She heads straight for the desk at the front of the unit when she arrives, and introduces herself to a nurse before asking if she can see Lena.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Danvers,” the nurse says, and she does sound sorry in the face of Kara’s distress, “visiting hours aren’t until ten a.m.”

A man in a basketball sweatshirt and jeans walks past them, he scans a small badge that says ‘VISITOR’ in capital letters on a machine at the end of the desk, and nods at the nurse before he disappears down the hallway.

“He’s visiting,’ Kara tries, her voice bordering on frantic, “he’s visiting and I need to see her, you don’t understand, I’m not going to be okay if I don’t see her. Please, just let me...”

“I’m so sorry, honey, it’s immediate family only after hours.”

“I’m her wife,” Kara blurts out. “Please. I’m her wife.”

“You’re her…that’s not in the notes…” The nurse trails off, looking down at the computer in front of her.

“I’m her emergency contact, I’m her wife, please.”

““Oh, yes,” the nurse starts nodding, “I do see that marked here, they called you when she came in. Hmmm...Someone clicked the wrong box under ‘relationship to patient.’” She moves her mouse and clicks on something, then looks back up at Kara. “I’ve fixed that for you, Mrs. Danvers. Let me print you out a visitor badge so you can just scan it in next time.

Kara can feel her panic recede a little. She’s going to see Lena. The nurse takes a blank badge and feeds it into an electronic printer. She hands the finished product to Kara, then gets up and gestures for Kara to follow.

“Now,” the nurse starts as she walks Kara down the dark hallway, the lights on half since it’s night, “she looks a little rough, but I assure you, she’s receiving the very best care there is. Normally you would have been called for consent before we initiated the hypothermia protocol, but since she had an advanced directive on file already, the team went ahead and started it.”

Kara’s barely listening to her, has started to strain her ears for the only sound she’s wanted to hear all day. She nearly collapses in relief when she finds it, below the beeping and the whirring and the buzzing of the machines, unlike any other beat in the building. Lena’s heart is steady, slower than usual, slower than Kara’s ever heard it, but it’s there, rhythmically thumping away.

The nurse brings her to a halt in front of a patient room, Lena’s name on the board outside with a bunch of notations that mean nothing to Kara. She’ll ask Alex to translate.

“She’ll be cold to your touch, that’s alright,” the nurse continues. “The key right now is to try to stop or slow any of the damage she’s suffered as a result of going into cardiac arrest. She lost a lot of blood, and her left femur is broken, along with her right ulna, but there are a lot of reasons to be hopeful. We’ll know more in the forty-eight to seventy-two hours once the protocol is complete.”

Kara refuses to think about most of this. Lena is alive. She’s alive and she’s right on the other side of this door. She clears her throat. “How long...how long can I stay?”

“As long as you like, dear. We’ll round on her in the morning and if you’re still here you can talk to the attending. Also, we’ll be in to check on her, but most of the monitoring is electronic since she’s in a medically induced coma for at least the next two days. There’s a chair that reclines by the bedside, I can grab you a blanket?”

“Please,” Kara says. She stops with her hand on the door, turns back to the nurse. “Thank you.” It comes out wobbly.

“Of course.” The nurse smiles at her. “Go on in, I’ll be right back.”

_____________________

Kara’s woken up by the medical team the next morning during rounds, just as the night shift nurse had promised. She blinks awake and rubs at her eyes, stretching and going to stand up when the team enters.

“Hi Mrs. Danvers, we saw you’d arrived,” a tall woman in a white lab coat says, walking over to Kara on the far side of the room and sticking out her hand to shake. “I’m Dr. Sheldon. We’ll do our best to bring you up to speed now, I’m so glad you were able to make it last night.” She gives Kara a warm smile. “Believe it or not, it really does make a difference when patients are supported, even when they aren’t aware of it.”

The team walks her through their care plan for Lena, how long she’ll have to remain like this before they start the re-warming process, what they’re concerned about and what they’ll be looking for. Her arm and femur have been set and immobilized, but it’s likely that the femur will need to be rebroken and repaired surgically if and when Lena does wake up. Given the invasiveness of the procedure, the delicacy of her present condition, and the unknowns about her cognition, that decision will keep.

When they leave, Kara texts Alex. If the doctors think that it will make a difference for Lena’s recovery to have her here, then she’s going to stay. She’s owed time off anyway. This is the best use of it she can think of.

Two hours later, the door opens, and Kara looks up from the bed, relieved to see Alex standing there, holding a backpack with the food and change of clothing Kara asked her to bring.

“Oh gosh, am I glad to see you,” she says, letting go of Lena’s hand and standing up. She walks around the bed to where Alex has stopped.

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex says, and she’s frowning at Kara. “You have some fucking explaining to do.”

“What?” Kara stops abruptly.

“What?” Alex parrots. She narrows her eyes. “Are you being serious…?�� At Kara’s confused expression, Alex rolls her eyes and reaches behind her to shut the door. She walks over to Kara, pulling some take out from the bag and handing it to her, before pulling up one of the swivel chairs a doctor had been using.

Kara takes the food and goes back to her seat.

“So?” Alex prompts.

Kara looks up from the styrofoam container, already having broken apart her chopsticks. “So what?”

“What do you mean...Kara!” Kara freezes, chopsticks frozen in midair clutching a piece of kung pao chicken. There is real frustration and confusion in Alex’s voice. “Imagine my surprise when I sign in at the front desk and the nurse says that my sister-in-law is stable right now. Wanna tell me why the fuck you’re playing house to visit your best friend in the hospital?”

Kara sets the chicken down. “Alex…”

“Kara, you have ten seconds to explain why the entire staff thinks you and Lena are married and the answer had better not actually involve marriage or I swear to god I’ll…”

“They wouldn’t let me in to see her!” Kara bursts out. “I got here last night and I needed to see her, Alex, I needed to. And apparently it’s immediate family only and I panicked, okay?”

“I’m sorry,” Alex says, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes. “I know Lena is important to you, but Kara, you could have waited ten hours and seen her.”

“I couldn’t.” Kara looks down at her food, not hungry anymore. “Alex, I couldn’t. I almost had a panic attack after you sent me home last night. I couldn’t wait.”

“Oh kiddo.” Kara looks up at that, all the frustration is gone from Alex’s tone. Her sister lets out a sigh. “Lena’s going to get through this and she’s going to get better. And when she does, you have got to tell her how you feel.”

“She’s my best friend.” Kara’s mouth twists. This is not a new conversation, but the stakes seem higher with Lena in the bed beside her, unconscious and battered.

“She is,” Alex agrees. “But she could be more.”

And oh, Kara wants more with every fiber of her being. But more than that, she wants Lena in her life, wants the easy love and affection they’ve finally gotten back to. And she’s been worried about rocking the boat.

“And by the way,” Alex says, pulling her back to the present, “lying to medical professionals is not a good look.” Kara grimaces and ducks her head.

“I know,” she says, glancing at Lena, the ventilator moving her chest up and down slowly. “But they said it’s good for Lena to have someone here, talking to her, holding her hand, even if she doesn’t know. And you know Lillian isn’t going to do that. And Lex is the one who put her here...just let me do this, okay?”

Alex hums. “You’re so lucky I didn’t blow your secret.”

Kara looks over at her sister. “Thank you.”

“Some of us are actually good at lying under pressure. I’m surprised you didn’t tell them she was married to Supergirl.”

“Well I wasn’t dressed as Supergirl.”

“Thank god for small mercies.”

______________________

Lena doesn’t wake up for the next three days.

In the interim, all of their friends visit, but Alex has already warned them about Kara’s new relationship status and other than Nia’s constant giggles, no one comments. Kara doesn’t leave the hospital. She keeps vigil in the chair, occasionally leaving for short periods of time to go down to the cafeteria, or to stretch her legs.

On day four, Alex convinces her to at least go to the DEO to shower and check in with J’onn about the duties he and M’gann are covering for her.

She’s just getting ready to head back to the hospital when her phone rings.

“Mrs. Danvers?”

“Yes?”

“This is Dr. Sheldon. Your wife has woken up and she’s being evaluated now by neuro, but we wanted you to know first thing.”

Kara has to sit down in the middle of the DEO, the concrete hard and probably cold underneath her, but it’s better than the alternative, which was just going to be letting her knees give out. She closes her eyes tightly. “I’ll be right there.”

She flies back to the hospital, landing in a nearby alley and running into the building with just a touch of superspeed. She makes it onto the unit just in time to see Lena’s care team leaving her room and turning down the hall to the next patient, and as much as Kara wants to get an update from them, the urge to see Lena herself is too much. She walks through the open door and nearly runs into a nurse, who’s moving some of the equipment out, now that Lena is conscious. It’s a nurse Kara is familiar with, her name is Bernadette, she’s been on shift the last two days. Her eyes light up when she sees Kara.

“Your wife is here,” Bernadette says, over her shoulder before Kara can stop her. She smiles warmly as she turns back to Kara. “I’ll leave you two alone.” She slips past Kara and into the hallway.

“My…” Lena’s eyes go wide as she sees Kara standing helpless in front of the now closed door. Her voice is still scratchy from the extubation. Her hair is greasy and all over the pillow, her right arm and left leg are completely immobilized, there are wires running through the top of her hospital gown, her whole body a tapestry of garish purples and greens and stitches. But she’s awake. Kara has never felt more relieved in her entire life, but it turns to ice in her veins as Lena struggles to speak, clearly confused. “My - my - oh god.” Her eyes start to fill with tears and Kara panics.

“No, Lena, no, it’s not - “ she starts saying, taking quick steps towards the bed.

“Oh god, oh god, Kara,” Lena chokes out, twisting a little in bed and flinching, “they said I only lost a week, they said my memory seemed okay, that there’s no - ”

“We’re not married!” Kara yells out trying to stop the clear spiral Lena is on. Lena’s eyes go wide, but she does stop looking like she’s about to start sobbing. “We’re not married,” Kara repeats, in a normal voice this time.

“Then why…”

Kara winces. “I might have told the hospital staff that we are. Married, that is.”

Lena looks wary, small and weak and confused in the bed, and she’s frowning a little at Kara now. It doesn’t even matter, though, because the feeling of seeing Lena awake is returning with every word she speaks, and Kara feels something in her chest open up. She has to resist walking over and climbing into bed with her and holding her, knows she needs to explain first.

In every single way Kara played out this moment all week in her head, not once is this how it went - she wants Lena to be smiling, to be okay, or at least as okay as one can be after coming out of a medically induced coma, with a number of near catastrophic injuries still to be dealt with. She certainly didn’t imagine she’d be contributing to the disorientation and isolation Lena’s projecting right now.

Lena’s eyes dart around Kara’s face. Kara takes a deep breath.

“The first night you were here, I had to see you.” She starts twisting her hands together, takes another step towards the bed. “And it was late, and even though I’m your emergency contact, they said no after hours visitors except for family and I panicked.”

“You panicked.” Lena sounds like she’s unsure how panic would lead someone to pretend to be married, and honestly, now that Kara is having to explain the decision, she’s not really sure either. The only thing she knows is that she doesn’t regret it. Would do it again, in fact.

“I knew if they thought I was your wife, they’d let me in to see you. And Lena, I had to see you. I had to. You were - “ Kara cuts herself off, can feel the tightness in her chest, closing around her heart like a vice. “Your heart stopped before I could get you to the hospital. The last time I saw you, I didn’t know if - “ A small sob works it’s way up her throat, and Kara’s eyes are burning. She feels a tear break free from her lashes. “I needed to hear your heartbeat.”

An unreadable expression crosses Lena’s face as Kara takes the seat by her bed that she’s occupied for the last week. To Kara’s great relief, Lena reaches out her left hand, lays it on the edge of the bed, palm up. Kara grabs for it with both of her own.

And Rao, the feeling of Lena’s hand, still cold, but undeniably warmer, squeezing back when Kara grips tightly - she doesn’t know how to describe this feeling. It starts a fresh wave of sobs in her, of relief this time, rather than terror.

“Hey,” Lena says, punctuating it with another flex of her fingers around the back of Kara’s hand. “Hey, I’m okay. I’m here. You saved me. I’m okay, see?”

And really, that just makes Kara cry harder.

“I’m supposed to be comforting you,” she chokes out.

“You are,” Lena says, disengaging their hands and bringing her fingers up to Kara’s face, wiping at the tears. “You are, god, I was just thrown. I thought...I thought, it doesn't matter what I thought.” She tries to laugh and ends up flinching.

“Oh no, are you okay, should I call the doctor?” Kara immediately reaches forward, lays a hand on Lena’s hip above the sheets and wipes furiously at her face with the other.

“It’s the broken ribs,” Lena grits out, jaw flexing as she drops her hand away from Kara’s face and back onto the bed. “Fuck that hurts.”

“I’m just so glad you’re awake,” Kara says, leaning forward again and brushing some of the hair out of Lena’s face, trying to tuck it behind her ear.

That’s how Bernadette finds them when she returns, Kara gently touching Lena’s forehead, and rubbing her hip, the two of them so close that Kara might as well climb in next to her.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” she says, smiling at the two of them. “The attending would like to pop in with the head of ortho to talk about surgical options for your femur. Should I tell her to come back later?”

Kara moves to stand up, she doesn’t want to delay anything about Lena’s care, but Lena reaches for her hand again, and Kara’s powerless to do anything but lace their fingers together and sit back down.

Lena takes a shallow breath, “Can my wife stay?”

My wife. Hearing it come out of Lena’s mouth does something to Kara that feels a little dangerous, makes the room spin a bit. Her heart feels as if it’s expanding and being squeezed at the same time. My wife. My wife. My wife.

“Of course, she’s more than welcome to stay,” Bernadette says. “It’s probably a good idea, actually, now that there are care decisions to make.”

_____________________

“Let me get this straight,” Alex says, her head in her hands. Kelly reaches out to rub her back. “You’re still pretending to be married, and Lena is playing along with it?”

Kara nods. They’re sitting down in the cafeteria while Lena gets a sponge bath, something that Kara is trying very hard not to think about. It’s been nearly three weeks, one major operation, and thankfully no more complications.

And Kara has been here through it all. She’s started leaving for blocks of time during the day (it turns out she didn’t have a month worth of vacation saved up and Alex had nearly had an aneurysm when Kara asked if she was allowed to use family medical leave act time), but she’s spent nearly every night in the hospital with Lena since. The medical team loves them, has started talking to them about how devoted Kara is. Maybe Kara’s playing into it a little, bringing flowers, and Lena’s favorite foods, and always, always touching her in some way when she’s in the room.

“You know they’re going to build her discharge plan around you, right?” Alex squints at her. “Have you considered that?”

Kara flushes. “Actually,” she brings a hand up to rub at the back of her neck, adjusts her glasses for good measure, “we’ve agreed that I’ll just move in with Lena for a little while. She can hire someone during the day, but I’ll be around at night and I can help with the rehab. So, um, it’s fine.”

“You’re both fucking idiots.”

_________________

“I’ve been home for an hour and I’m already regretting every choice in my life that’s lead to this point. This is humiliating.”

“Oh my gosh,” Kara laughs, “no it isn’t.”

“Kara, you’re washing my hair in the kitchen sink because I can’t even wash myself right now with this fucking cast and brace on.”

Kara grins, squirting shampoo onto her hand and setting the bottle down on the marble countertop. Lena is sitting in the wheelchair, left leg propped up on the supports. She’s leaning back with her head over the edge of the sink, rolled up towels supporting her neck and her eyes are closed. She’s frowning, but it’s the frown she wears when she’s trying too hard not to smile. It makes Kara want to kiss it right off her face. She takes a deep breath, instead.

Kara is just so grateful that she gets to see Lena like this, hair stringy from the hospital, oversize sweatshirt with one sleeve bunched up over the top of the lime green cast on her right arm. The post-surgical femoral fracture brace looks uncomfortable, but Lena hasn’t complained about it at all. So, fine, maybe this nearly debilitating urge to kiss her best friend, to ask her if the last few weeks could be real, instead of fake (not the marriage part, not now, anyway, but the relationship part sure), is getting more and more intrusive. That doesn’t mean Kara can’t continue to ignore it until Lena’s better.

She finishes washing Lena’s hair and if she takes extra time massaging in the conditioner and making sure the water temperature is absolutely perfect, well, that’s just being a good caretaker. She sets Lena up in her bedroom, then goes back to the kitchen to clean up

“Ok, Lena,” Kara says, walking back into the bedroom. “You officially have zero edible things in your apartment. I’m going to make a list and head to the grocery store for supplies, ok? Your next meds can’t be taken on an empty stomach.”

“You’re underestimating my iron constitution.” Lena frowns unhappily in bed. “We can just order some, you don’t have to go.”

“I’ll be back in a jiffy, okay?” Kara smiles at Lena.

Sure, they could order groceries, but she wants to go get them, to pick them out herself, and bring them back. It makes her feel so good to be able to do things like this: wash her hair, go get groceries, make her something to eat. The best part of this whole terrible ordeal is that she’s gotten to take care of Lena, to show her, not just tell her, how important she is to Kara. It warms her up from the inside out.

“You sure I’m allowed to be by myself?” Lena teases, breaking Kara out of her thoughts. “I haven’t been left to my own devices in weeks now. Just imagine all the trouble I could get into.” She raises an eyebrow.

Kara laughs and shakes her head, drawn closer to Lena like a magnet. Lena’s tucked into bed, leg propped up on pillows to keep the brace comfortable, two books on the nightstand beside her, a glass of water within easy reach, and the next round of medications in a small porcelain bowl that Kara repurposed from the kitchen. Her hair is still wet from being washed, and although there are dark circles around her eyes, and her cheekbones are too sharp from the weight she lost in the hospital, Kara doesn’t think she’s ever seen anything more beautiful than Lena right at this exact moment.

She walks over to the bed and sits down next to Lena, reaching over to move the glass of water back from the edge of the nightstand and onto a coaster. “You’re going to be fine. I’ll bet you a whole order of potstickers that you’re asleep when I get back.” She reaches across Lena, adjusts the towel covering up her pillow to keep it from getting wet.

When she pulls back slightly, she’s startled by how close Lena’s face is to hers. Lena is looking at her with such unadulterated fondness, that Kara can’t help reaching up and tucking a wet tendril of hair back behind Lena’s ear. “I’ll be back so soon you won’t even know I was gone.”

“I always know when you’re gone,” Lena says, the corners of her mouth lifting up, her eyes crinkling lightly. Kara’s hand has drifted from Lena’s ear to the back of her head, her thumb brushing gently at the soft skin just below Lena’s jaw.

When she retells the story of what happens next later, Alex will roll her eyes and mutter under hear breath, but Kara will swear this is the truth: without even thinking about it, she leans forward and kisses Lena on the lips, quick and soft, then stands and turns to go, pulling her phone out of her pocket so she can start making a grocery list.

“You can drop the act now,” Lena says, a little stiffly.

“Huh?” Kara whips around, more at Lena’s tone than at her words, and looks at her in confusion. Lena’s face is bright red.

“Kara, we’re - I’m home, there’s no hospital staff to convince anymore.” She sounds a little upset and Kara, feels her forehead crinkle as she replays the last several seconds in her head: she moved Lena’s water, adjusted the towel behind her head, smoothed Lena’s hair, and…

“Oh Rao, oh gosh.” She takes a step forward, then back abruptly, as she realizes that she’s just kissed Lena on the mouth. She puts one hand on her forehead and the other on her hip, spins in a small circle. “Lena, I’m so sorry. I didn’t - ”

“It’s fine,” Lena says, her voice sounding calm and even now that Kara is having a meltdown, but her heart is doing some sort of high speed gallop in her chest and it’s giving Kara the impression that this is not actually fine.

Oh no, oh gosh… “Lena, I’m sorry, - ”

“I get it.” Lena cuts her off, holding up a hand to stop her. “The whole act, it’s a hard habit to break.” She drops her hand to the bed and laughs lightly, picking at the blanket. “Honestly I’m surprised we made it this long without accidentally doing that.”

“Accidently. Yes.” Kara’s nodding so hard, she feels like her head might come off. “It was an accident.” That might be a convenient way of putting it, but it doesn’t change the fact that Kara’s been wanting to kiss Lena, wants it to be as un-accidental as possible. And aren’t accidents things like tripping on the carpet, or spilling a drink at dinner? She may not have been thinking when she did it, but Kara knows there’s nothing accidental about that kiss.

But Lena’s giving her an out, and Kara can’t bring herself not to take it.

“I’m just going to - ” Kara gestures over her shoulder and then she flees.

“Alex, I kissed her.” Kara’s made it outside the apartment, but her heart hasn’t slowed down. She didn’t even bother making a list after walking out of Lena’s bedroom, just went straight to the elevator, dialing Alex before she’d even hit the lobby. Her stomach is squirmy, she feels like she might throw up.

“Finally,” Alex says, letting out what might be a relieved sigh.

“What do you mean finally?” Kara feels hysterical.

“I mean finally, idiot. Watching the two of you for the past three weeks has been the most painful experience of my life, I’m glad you finally did it.”

“She thinks it was because of the act!” Kara nearly yells. A man walking by looks at her, narrowing his eyes and giving her a wide berth. “She thinks it’s because of the act, Alex!”

There’s silence on the other end of the line for a moment.

“Kara Danvers, are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“No,” Kara wails. “I didn’t even mean to do it! Or, well. I meant to do it, but I didn’t know I was doing it. I was making sure she had everything she needed and then I was leaving to go to the grocery story and somewhere in the middle I kissed her! And she got kinda upset even though she said she wasn’t and she says it’s fine because it was an accident. And it was an accident, at least in the sense that I wasn’t thinking when I did it and god I didn’t even ask if she wanted to kiss me, but I meant it, Alex, I meant it.”

Kara can picture Alex right now: that tight, unhappy expression on her face, fingers pinching her nose between her eyes.

“Okay, I swore to Kelly I wasn’t going to do this, but that was before you lost your damn mind and kissed her.” Kara can hear Alex take a deep breath. “You need to go back upstairs right now and confess, Kara.”

“What?” Kara practically screeches. She spins in a circle. “No, this isn’t the right time. I’m supposed to be helping her, I’m supposed to be taking care of her, I can’t put this on her right now. What if she doesn’t feel the same, what if this ruins everything, what if - “

Thankfully Alex cuts her off. “That argument worked before you kissed her and decided to let her believe you didn’t mean to do it. And before you argue with me, you might not have known you were doing it, but you absolutely meant to do it, Kara.”

Kara is now facing Lena’s apartment and gently knocking her forehead against it.

“Kara, I heard that crack, stop headbutting the building.” Kara stops, keeps her forehead pressed to the cool limestone. Alex pauses, and her voice is gentle when she continues. “You gotta tell her, kiddo. You’ve been down the whole lying path with her before and while I don’t think this is the kind of lie that would cause her to try removing our free-will again, I do think that you guys decided on honesty as your way forward. You either own that, or you don’t.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right.” Kara squeezes her eyes shut. “If we can get through that, we can get through this.”

“That’s the spirit. And hey, if for some reason things don’t go well and you feel like you can’t stay with her? Kelly or I would be happy to swap out for you tonight. Just in case you need some space.”

“Thanks, Alex.”

“But Kara, I think you’re gonna be just fine.”

Kara doesn’t feel much better when she hangs up with Alex, but she knows her sister is right. She’s got to tell Lena.

And to be honest, Kara can’t imagine a world in which Lena would be upset with her for having feelings, regardless of whether they’re reciprocated. They’ll be able to work through this, even if it hurts for a while. She’s had friends fall in love with her before, and she’s always been able to keep them as friends afterwards. God, maybe Winn has some advice for me, she thinks.

So Kara takes a deep breath and goes back inside. Groceries can wait.

She’s trembling when she lets herself back into Lena’s apartment. It’s nerves, anticipation more than anything. She’s about to confess something that she can’t, won’t take back and it will change things between them, even if only for a while.

Lena looks up from her book when Kara makes her way back into the bedroom. She sets it down beside her hip on the bed and cocks her head.

“Well that was fast. Did Supergirl get my groceries?” She gives Kara a smile.

“I’m in love with you.” Well that’s one way to start this conversation. “And I didn’t kiss you accidentally.”

Lena’s smile drops, her eyes widening in surprise. Everything about her seems to freeze.

“Before you say anything, I need to get this out. I’m not telling you because I’m expecting anything. I don’t want anything to change, I mean, I do, clearly, but I don’t if that’s not what you want.” Kara squeezes her eyes shut and looks at the ceiling. She really should have thought this through. “I’ve known for a while, actually, I was just worried about what it might mean, if you didn’t feel the same way.” She drops her gaze back to Lena. “But then you almost died. And I pretended to be your wife. And I was planning on telling you once you’re totally recovered. Except then I kissed you without even thinking about it and I can’t lie about this, Lena. It isn’t good for either of us. So. Yeah. Just. Tell me what you need.”

Lena’s looking at her with an expression Kara can’t read, but she doesn’t look unhappy, or afraid, or upset...

“Kara, do you remember when that nurse told me my wife had shown up?”

“Yes,” Kara says, frowning, because she doesn't understand where Lena is going with this. “Of course I do, you were panicked that you’d experienced severe brain damage.”

Lena shakes her head, pats the space on the bed next to her.

Kara feels a weight lift from her shoulders: no matter how this goes, if Lena is asking her to come closer, then they’re going to be okay. She walks across the carpet.

“You’re right,” Lena says as Kara comes closer, “I was worried, but that wasn’t the only thing that made me panic.”

“What else was it?” Kara sits down and looks at her lap, bringing her hands together to fidget. She can feel Lena’s body heat next to her, but she doesn’t want to reach out unless Lena does it first. “Was it the idea of being married to me?” She laughs. She can laugh about this.

“No, darling,” Lena says. She reaches for Kara’s hands, smoothing her fingers across them to still them. Darling, that’s a good sign, right? “Kara, as terrified as I was that there was more damage, my first thought was that somehow I’d lost memories of us: of you falling in love with me, of dating and first kisses and someone proposing and a wedding.” Lena pauses and Kara stares at their joined hands. She hears more than sees Lena take a deep breath and let it out. “I’ve been in love with you for so long it broke my heart to think that those things had happened and I couldn’t remember them.”

Kara whips her head around to look at Lena. Her best friend is smiling, and her eyes are a little wet like maybe she’s overwhelmed and might cry and oh gosh, does Kara understand that feeling right now.

“You love me,” she says, feeling her own eyes start to fill with tears.

Lena nods.

“You’re in love with me,” Kara can’t help clarifying. This is something out of a dream.

Lena nods again.

“Can I…” Kara reaches for Lena’s face, trails her knuckles down Lena’s cheek and watches in awe as Lena leans into the touch. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Yes,” Lena breaths out, smiling, and it’s blinding. “But only if it’s not an accident.”

#this is not what I meant to be writing at all today and also it is much less funny than the tag ficlet but what're you gonna do?#robie writes #supercorp #WHAT'S PROOF READING I'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT DON'T @ME #tw canon typical violence

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peachy-panic · 3 years ago

Text

WHUMPTOBER DAY 3: “WHO DID THIS TO YOU?”

This is the next chronological piece of Do No Harm, continued directly from this chapter.

Tag list: @whumpervescence @shiningstarofwinter @distinctlywhumpthing @whumptywhumpdump

WARNINGS: Medical procedures, referenced/implied noncon, slavery setting, the usual.

The young doctor seems a bit skittish and far less cruel than the other Facility employees, and that comes with the dangerous notion that perhaps he doesn’t plan on hurting him. But that notion requires a naivety of which Jaime is no longer capable. He, of all people, is aware that cruelty can disguise itself in many shapes and sizes. Just because it isn’t obvious doesn’t mean it isn’t there, and that only makes it all the more dangerous.

There’s no use in hoping either way, he decides. Dr. Tate will either hurt him or he won’t, will either touch him or he won’t, and Jaime can’t — won’t — react. He has already made that mistake once today and will certainly pay for it later in ways he doesn’t want to think about now. He would do well to remember that he doesn’t hold any power here. Not in this room, this building, this life. And that, despite any arbitrary written rules, Dr. Tate is free to do as he pleases.

At least he had removed the restraints from his mouth and wrists. Jaime can console himself with this small mercy.

Those had always been the worst part of nights with Mr. Torley, on the all-too-frequent occasions he decided to use them. He was clearly very into them, and even more into Jaime’s fear of them. In addition to the claustrophobia they stoked in him, the use of restraints in bed had always felt something like a mockery. What use was it to restrain someone who can’t fight back regardless? The binds on his wrists and ankles were nothing more than accessories. The shackles in his mind did all the work to keep him still. And Mr. Torley knew that.

He does his best not to think about that now. Not to think about Mr. Torley at all, since that was what had gotten him in trouble in the first place. Distantly, he wonders how long the influence of his first Keeper will continue to stain Jaime’s existence beyond the termination of their six-month contract.

Dr. Tate, who has been buried in the cabinets above the sink for several minutes, turns back to him sporting bright-blue gloves that adhere tightly around his slender hands. He meets Jaime’s eyes for half a second before his gaze darts somewhere just to the left of his shoulder.

“We need to run a couple of tests,” he says in a detached, clinical voice, all notes of lightheartedness from earlier removed. “I’ll need to collect some samples from you.”

Jaime nods once in acknowledgement, squeezing his fingers tightly, unconsciously around the edge of the table. There’s an unnatural pause in his cadence, and Jaime when looks up, he watches a slight twitch of movement in the doctor’s jaw.

“Please remove your pants and underwear,” Dr. Tate says, his voice taking on a lower pitch. “You can leave them on up to your thighs, if you’d like.”

The slight shift in demeanor sets Jaime on edge, but he doesn’t hesitate at the command, even as a familiar panic claws at the inside of his throat. He drops forward from the table, his legs taking his weight. His thumbs hook the waistband of the thin, cotton pants he had been returned in, and he doesn’t allow himself a moment of hesitation before pushing them unceremoniously off his hips. He takes Dr. Tate up on his merciful offer to keep them partially on his body. The cold, sterile air inside the clinic is sharp against his exposed skin.

Jaime’s eyes find the ceiling as he prepares for the touch he knows is coming. He doesn’t look to see whatever tools and instruments Dr. Tate is laying out on the silver tray beside the exam table. He doesn’t have to. “We need to run a couple of tests.” Whatever foolish hypotheticals Jaime once held in regards to WRU — what they did and didn’t know about the treatment of their wards — had long been shattered.

Of course they needed to test him for sexually transmitted diseases. They can’t have a Domestic Companion spreading something to the next paying customer that buys their time and exposing their innocent charade.

There’s a pause in Dr. Tate’s movement, but Jaime doesn’t look away from his spot on the ceiling tile.

“I’m going to touch you, now.” Dr. Tate’s voice is low and measured. “I need to examine you for bumps or sores, any abnormalities.” He clears his throat. “And I’ll take a swab from your urethra. It might be uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t hurt you.” Another pause. “Please, tell me if it does.”

Jaime’s grip on the table tightens, but he otherwise doesn’t react. Distantly, he is grateful for the warning, the bare explanation, mortifying as it is. He knows that the doctors here are not obligated to explain anything to the Companion patients, to seek consent in any form. Their consent was implicitly given in the contracts they signed at intake. He just as easily could have left Jaime gagged and bound to the table and gone about the procedure without so much as a word to him. Jaime is glad he hadn’t.

Instead, Dr. Tate’s touch is light and professional. His gloved hands don’t linger, they don’t poke and prod to get a reaction from him. It seems, even, that he touches him as little as possible. Almost as if he is as eager to get this over with as Jaime is, which doesn’t feel quite possible.

The fluorescent strip of light next to his focal point on the ceiling burns at the edge of his vision, but he doesn’t look away, using the mild discomfort as an anchor to hold himself steady. He concentrates on that instead of the gentle touches, gritting his teeth against any traitorous urges his body might provoke. Mr. Torley had loved that about Jaime — his responsiveness to touch — but not as much as he loved using it against him.

His stomach sours at the memory, fresh humiliation creeping into his cheeks at the idea of something similar happening now. He doesn’t think Dr. Tate would tease him the way his Keeper had, but he still doesn’t relish the idea of becoming physically aroused in front of this young doctor, who couldn’t have been more than a few years older than him and, in another life, Jaime might have found pretty.

The thought is gone almost as soon as it comes, too painful to linger on. The idea of another life. A normal life. A life at all. These are thoughts Jaime is forbidden to have. The phantom sting of an electric shock lights up the column of his throat and Jaime winces.

“Sorry,” Dr. Tate said quickly, misunderstanding the movement and withdrawing his hand. Jaime’s eyes finally fall to his as the doctor takes a step back, inserting the long swab into a glass tube and sealing it with a cap. “The worst part is over.”

Jaime is numb all over, but he nearly laughs. He knows that having stepped foot in this facility again, the “worst part” has not even begun.

“I’ll need to collect another sample from your mouth,” Dr. Tate continues, pulling on a fresh pair of gloves, and Jaime absently wonders why they even bother wasting extra product on the patients here. “And we’ll draw some blood—”

Something catches his voice mid-sentence and Jaime’s eyes flick up to his again. Dr. Tate looks at him, and then pointedly, hurriedly away. Jaime swears he can see his pale cheeks reddening.

“You can— We’re finished with that part.” He stumbles out. “Feel free to cover yourself up.”

Jaime does as he’s told, finding it somewhere within himself to be grateful that the doctor had kept the procedure professional. He couldn’t say the same thing for every encounter he’d had in the facility clinic before.

********

Sebastian knows what happens next, and that’s why he finds himself taking his time with the rest of the visit. As soon as he’s completed the mandated intake exam, he is supposed to mark the patient as cleared in his chart and alert the handlers to come collect him. To take him back into the part of the facility where Sebastian has never set foot; the “residential” wing where the unclaimed Companions are housed between contracts. On all the promotional advertisements, it’s depicted as a dormitory-like accommodation. Now that Sebastian knows just how little truth exists behind their lies, he can only imagine it’s nothing of the sort.

His mind conjures images of iron-barred cells and concrete rooms, of medieval dungeons with chains and darkness and filth. It’s a sensationalized version of what he assumes is probably the truth, but that doesn’t mean the reality is any less horrible. After what he’s seen in his time here and everything he’s heard, he has no doubt that the people who are forced to reside here between Keepers are subject to the company’s own brand of horror. Frankly, he’s in no hurry to turn his patient back over to their hands a moment sooner than he has to.

The boy is silent and entirely pliable throughout the whole exam, allowing himself to be moved when necessary and not so much as flinching when the needles for the blood draw break his skin. Sebastian is glad when the more… invasive parts of the exam are over. The boy had been no less compliant during them, maybe even the opposite, but Sebastian hadn’t missed the subtle changes in his posture, the way the muscles in his hands clenched and released around the edge of the table as he touched him as little as possible.

He had looked up at the ceiling instead of at the wall behind Sebastian, as he had done previously, and Sebastian had silently prayed that the position wasn’t intended as a way to hold back tears. He doesn’t know how he could live with himself if he made this kid cry.

When the blood has been drawn, the test samples submitted for lab processing, and a full physical performed, Sebastian has run out of ways to delay the inevitable. He closes out of the boy’s patient profile on his screen and turns to him, hands folded professionally in front.

“I’ll need to alert the handlers that your intake exam is complete,” he told him, probably unnecessarily. He hadn’t looked to see how long he had been in the system, but from his behavior, he assumes it’s been long enough to break his spirit. He probably knows these protocols better than Sebastian ever wants to. “They’ll come and escort you back to the residential quarters.”

110750 nods once without looking at him. “Thank you,” he says flatly. Then, there is a moment of pause before he lifts his eyes and seems to level Sebastian with something more sincere. “Thank you for… for letting me get cleaned up.”

Sebastian feels like shattering into pieces all over the cold linoleum. Instead, he tries for a smile and lands somewhere in the realm of a tight, thin line at his lips. “Sure,” he says, a bit mortified to hear the crack in his voice.

He watches 110750 take slow, measured breaths as Sebastian makes the call he desperately wishes he didn’t have to make. He tries not to stare as they wait in tense silence for the handlers to arrive. Of course, Sebastian could leave the room if he wants. The intake procedure is done, and so is his minimal obligation to patient care. But something feels wrong about leaving him. More than that, something feels utterly wrong about this boy being taken out of the clinic, away from his line of sight, where he can’t see what will happen next. He only knows it won’t be good.

A split second before he hears the clinic doors whoosh open, Sebastian steps closer to his patient, lowering his voice to a quick, urgent whisper. “Keep an eye on that broken nose,” he advises. “If you have any trouble breathing as it heals, please don’t hesitate to let your assigned handler know that you need medical attention, okay?”

The boy hitches in a breath but doesn’t respond. Sebastian takes half a step closer.

“Look, you have a right to medical assistance,” he says, the words feeling like treason on his tongue despite knowing their written truth. “Even here. Even now. You can always come see me here if you need to. They can’t legally prevent you from requesting care. Do you understand?”

Unexpectedly, something dark flashes in the boy’s eyes. Something less like the fear and dread he had witnessed earlier, and something much more akin to anger. Anger at Sebastian?

Before the interaction can go any further, they are interrupted by the unceremonious swing of the exam room door. The same two men who had brought him in - one with a fresh bandage on his face - push their way in, stepping between Sebastian and his patient.

“Up you go, 7-5-0,” Handler Hernandez barks, and the boy is on his feet before he can finish the command, his hands behind his back, head bowed.

“Oh, look who finally decided to behave,” the other one - Smith, maybe? - taunts as he sizes him up in a way that makes even Sebastian’s skin crawl. Just as he had prior to the visit, the man shifts his gaze to him, a sneer permanently embedded into his expression. “Does he get a lollipop for good behavior? Maybe a sticker?”

The boy doesn’t look up at him, but Sebastian thinks he sees his throat move. He feels a swell of rage rise into his throat, coming to a boiling point for the second time since he entered the room with this boy, but he swallows it back, keeping as level an expression as he can manage.

“He was perfectly agreeable,” he responds tightly, refusing to play into whatever mockery he’s initiating.

Smith answers him with a dismissive snort, turning his attention back to the boy like a predator who just found fresh meat. “What do you say, sweetheart?” He asks, the thick rubber of his boots squeaking against the tile as he takes a step too far into the boy’s personal space. “Think we can go the easy way back, or would you prefer to do things the hard way again?”

The beat of silence in the room is painful as they await his response, which comes eventually in a subdued voice, through slightly gritted teeth and with his eyes on the floor. “The easy way. Sir.”

A snort from Hernandez breaks the tension. “Yeah,” he says. “We’ll see about that.”

With that, he is escorted from the room and seems to take with him all the air in Sebastian's lungs. Naively, desperately, he hopes for the briefest moment of eye contact before he’s taken away from him. But his eyes stay downward, even as a large hand curls around his bicep and makes him stumble in his gait as he’s yanked forward. Sebastian watches helplessly as he disappears from sight, one singular thought slicing through his mind on a loop:

Who did this to you?

#whumptober2021 #slavery #whump #like bbu adjacent?#Do No Harm: Jaime & Sebastian #medical setting #referenced noncon

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austarus · 3 years ago

Text

Harrison Wells (Eobard Thawne) x Reader Ballistic Confrontations (3/3)

*A/N: The picture/edit/gif belongs to me!

**If you understand what I’m referencing to in the end, well the Kudos to you. You win 85 Stardollars.

***Trigger Warning: Scars from mentioned self-harm

****Please don’t forget to comment, like, and reblog. It means a lot to content creators of all kinds!

Word Count: 6397

Part 1 Part 2

Eobard said nothing. Instead, he disregarded your look as his gaze locked back onto Kara, as the Kryptonian woman threw him a hateful look. The futuristic genius did not care. His baby blue hues jumped back to where you stood before stepping away to the side tables. Now we proceed, the speedster mused to himself, picking up a scalpel and arranging his surgical tools. The stage needed to be set tonight. All the actors were in place, and he needed to complete his role. A delicate procedure, if you will. But he needed to be bought some time. Surely, Barry and the others would be back by now from Earth-X. He was, in essence, reluctant to cut up the Earth-38 Kryptonian for he held no malice towards her. She was just an unnecessary casualty in all this. And after all, if Barry Allen were to die it would be at his hands. Not on some tainted Earth at the firing range. You’re centuries late, Mr. Allen. As always.

You glared at your genius scientist for not cluing you in on whatever it is he had planned now. What was his plan? Play along until ‘Uh oh, it’s too late to turn back’ and ‘Oh, look. We’re doomed’? A grunt caught your attention, Kara was trying to break out of her restraints again. “Kara,” you whispered, now standing beside her. “Save your energy, please.” She eyed the restraints on you before taking a slow breath in. Kara wanted to throw her guts up, but she pushed back the bile caught in her throat.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“Honey, you are looking anything other than fine.”

Kara pursed her lips, feeling fatigue wash over her once more. “Where… where are the others… that were here- at the labs? Are they…?” There it was, always concerned for others when she should be concerned about herself.

“No, no they’re fine. They’re in the pipeline. Iris and Felicity-” You stopped yourself, noticing Eobard’s head snap towards you. A pang of guilt echoed in your body. “They’re being held there too,” you lied, giving her hand two small squeezes for her to indicate the lie. If he held things back from you to entertain the Earth-Xer’s with legitimate reactions, then so would you. Supergirl nodded her head subtly in understanding. You were too focused with Kara; you didn’t notice Eobard move. “You’re going to be fine; the others should be back. They wouldn’t go out just like that.” Iris, Felicity, where’s that help? Just where are you guys? You couldn’t leave if you wanted to. Not with the others lurking around. Not when there was a chance you could tip them off about Iris and Felicity, then there was Eobard. Overgirl would instantly go after him for betrayal.

“I… I really hope not. Alex-” Kara trailed off; her eyes drooping shut as her shoulders sagged. Her hand went limp in your cuffed ones.

“Kara?” You looked up to see a tube in Eobard’s hand with a syringe in it. Empty as its contents have already worked its way into Kara’s system. “What are you doing?!”

“I’ve given her a mild anesthetic,” you pursed your lips as his statement. Eobard sighed, “Not to worry, that should have her out for 30 minutes. Strong enough for a Kryptonian, but not strong enough for too long even with the red sunlight on her.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I needed to talk to you without anyone listening.” You followed how Eobard’s eyes glanced at the door. Outside stood two more Nazi guards.

“You could have just pulled me to the other room,” you whisper-yelled at him.

“No, I couldn’t have.” He crossed his arms at you, replying in his own gravely hushed tones. “I needed to keep up the image of the bad guy in front of Kara.”

“Why? Why, when she could understand that you’re not really with them? Why let her also think of you as one of those heinous monsters?”

“Because her opinion of me doesn’t matter. Not hers, not the Earth-Xers, not anyone else.” Eobard punctuated his words before taking your hands in his, placing a gentle kiss on the back of one. The intensity in his eyes never broke as he spoke once more, “Only your opinion of me matters. You matter.”

You pursed your lips, your eyes unable to leave his heated gaze. Oh, if only we weren’t in this mess. If only we had more time… Kara crossed your mind once more, the ominous thrumming noise that came from the machine that generated the red sunlight. A frown found its way onto your face. “Wait, you said 30 minutes? Shouldn’t she need time to recover from the anesthesia to be given another one?”

Eobard sighed, letting go of your hands. He crossed his arms. You weren’t going to like his answer. “No, not in this case.” Dread welled up in the pit of your stomach.

“What…”

“The General herself requested, more like ordered, me to have our Kara awake during the… transplant.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You responded slowly. Your eye slightly twitched as anger started to consume your thoughts. You wanted nothing more than to rip your friend’s doppelganger apart.

Eobard very well sensed your feelings, he always hated putting a frown on your face or seeing you upset to this extent. “Look, I don’t want to do it either,” the speedster retorted hastily as he unfurled his arms, his hands gently grabbed your shoulders, “but I can’t defy their word especially with you around.”

“Why? Am I suddenly a liability?”

“Never, but they’ll figure something is up with you here with me. Conspiring against them. You already saw how easily Oliver-X caved to his Kara regarding who you are to me.”

Technically, that’s my own damn fault, but a calculated risk to get to Eobard. I can live with the repercussions. “But that’s technically what we’re doing on the downlow, Eo.” You echoed one of the lessons he taught you years ago. “One weakness is better than none, it can be essential to creating the downfall of another.” He had mainly told you that regarding Eilling, who hadn’t ceased to stick his nose into Eobard’s lab experiments and projects. The general had eyed you as a means to get to him, but in reality you were a strength to Eobard. Not a weakness. And the speedster very well knows you can handle your own; after all, the both of you trained constantly. Pushing each other’s limits. Though where you hesitated to kill, he compensated on that, especially in the right moment. “We can have the Dark Archer on the ropes. If anything, he’s made it evident that his wife is a liability to his rational thinking.”

A proud grin ran along his handsome face. “Exactly, my little bird. But they will hurt you, even if you can hold out against them you can’t take them both on.” Even I cannot, not with where I’m at with my speed. Not with the slight dampener they have on my suit. The potential self-destruction if removed from the emblem by my own hands, is a heavy weight on my chest. If I can get rid of them, I can defuse the detonator.

“I’m not worried about me; I’m worried about you! I can’t- I can’t be the one to lose you again.” Eobard shifted his gaze away from you. “Look it’s not going to come to that.” He knew what you were suggesting. “Ok? Worst comes to worst I cause a distraction.”

“No, over my rotting corpse.”

That sounds eerily familiar.

“We don’t have a choice, if it buys us time then I’ll be damned not to try!”

“That’s why we adapt to the situation and find alternate routes to keep off their radar. I know what I’m doing.”

“Precisely. Adapting. So let me do what I can if it comes down to it.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No!” You bit back a retort at the way he raised his voice. “Just trust me.” He wasn’t asking you to.

“Kinda hard with your track record,” You deadpanned, and Eobard just rubbed his face.

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Is that a question you seriously want me to answer?” A small cheeky smile made its way to your face. You couldn’t help but tease him right now, of all times.

Eobard huffed out a chuckle, pulling out some white surgical clothes from a drawer. Have those always been there? “Just follow my lead, ok? Whatever happens stay on their side, whatever happens to me stay with Barry and the others.” Eobard gloved his hands while the guards re-entered the medical room along with Oliver-X and Kara-X. Speak of the devil. You pursed your lips and held a stoic expression even as Kara-X sauntered to her respective gurney, smirking widely before a violent coughing fit erupts from her. You didn’t miss how Oliver-X moved towards her, yet you averted your eyes to the protruding machines the other soldiers were bringing in for the ‘necessary’ operation. Two guards held you by the arms where you stood. You swallowed thickly as everything was being sterilized and prepped.

***

Harry caught the ball once more after it ricocheted back to him. He’d been letting his frustration out on it towards the cell wall. Something didn’t feel right. He cursed himself, knowing he should have been carrying some weapon or breaching device to have gotten away from the Dark Archer. Or any intruder for the matter of this invasion. Yes, he pushed the emergency labs alarm, but he still got whacked and dragged to the pipeline. He could have done more damage to these damned Nazi’s, but he was helpless. I should have carried my gun or my pulse rifle, what was I thinking? His hand gripped tightly at the ball as regret never left his side. I should have seen this as a possible attack. It’s a simple strategy. Divide and conquer. Yet they were all too fooled, too hasty to attack to even logically see this move by the Earth-Xers.

“Wait, Thawne’s here?” Cisco’s outburst broke the Earth-2 genius out of his thoughts. Harry cracked his neck and directed his attention back to Cisco’s squabbling from the cell near him. The Wells doppelganger was getting pretty tired about hearing of Thawne. A feeling of dread picked at his insides, his thoughts going to you and what Barry had discussed vehemently earlier.

“Yeah,” Caitlin responded. “I haven’t seen or heard from her. We only briefly got a visit from Iris and Felicity not too long ago. But they didn’t know where she was either.”

“Do you think maybe she… you know?” Cisco made an implication. “I mean, does she know?”

“I don’t know,” Caitlin trailed off. “But Iris had said that she left them in the Time Vault to buy them time. Whatever that could mean.”

“Well, on the one hand, they either got to her and are holding her hostage somewhere or, on the other, she rendezvoused with Thawne and now they're going all Mengele on Kara.”

Harry rubbed his face irritably at Cisco’s words, by now you would have known. There’s a high possibility. Whether it’s from seeing Thawne face-to-face or by overhearing someone. By now, Harry’s sure, you would have made a choice. Where did you go, though?

The lights flickered in the pipeline before shutting off as Caitlin finished. A dull blue tint lit up in each individual cell as the pipeline was divulged into a dim darkness. The emergency lights were the only things on. Every person was on high alert at this point.

“Ohohoho, my girl Felicity definitely pulled that one!” Cisco chirped, making a loud clap.

Dinah tried her canary call again, but to no avail. The cell would not budge. Harry narrowed his eyes; he knew she’d try again. But Cisco had crafted these cells with Thawne cautiously for metas. Practically indestructible unless you’re a Time Wraith.

“I wouldn’t try it again if I were you.” Harry finally spoke. Dinah paused, the silence daring to be her question. “These cells are reinforced to withstand any form of meta-attacks generated within. A backup generator still supplies the power dampeners with energy to preserve the cell.” Harry looked out his cell and towards the darkness. “All we can do is wait.”

***

You took a breath, smoke and blood and electricity filled the air. Your eyes didn’t miss the rush of electricity in the distance. Red and gold, the Speedforce of the only two speedsters here. Swallowing thickly, your attention was diverted to the Waverider being chased by another. Well damn, I think someone’s having a bit too much fun. Raising an eyebrow, you watched both airborne vehicles zig-zag through the air. You hooked up your earpiece and headed for the nearest skirmish to help out. A grin plastered itself on your face when you heard Cisco on the comms arguing with Harry. I guess they’re the ones taking the Waverider for a joy ride.

You pressed the button on your communication device, “Any chance I can hop on?” You sucker punched a Nazi. “Oh, I’ve been wanting to do that all day.” Cisco laughed, weaving through the air as if he’s directing a Strike Fighter.

He’s totally Luke Skywalkering his way through this.

“Girl, where you been?”

“Let’s just say,” you huffed, generating electricity in your palm and slamming it into the chest of another soldier. “I caught some unwanted attention, and they were reluctant to release me.” In actuality, Eobard had sped you away from the Labs once Ray made a dramatic entrance to save Kara. He’d sped you to where the battle would be, at least to where the Earth-X forces would arrive from. Telling you to run and appear at an opportune moment. Meaning, go hide while the battle thickens so your disappearance doesn't bring up too many questions from your friends. “Is Iris with you?”

“Yeah, she’s in the back with Felicity, we’re still trying to maneuver in the best position possible to take down their shields.”

You breathed a sigh of relief, thinking back to her stunt with Felicity to sabotage the surgery. “So, how about that help?”

“Hmm,” Harry spoke up, pushing his glasses up. “Unless you have the capability of overloading and shutting down the entire Earth-X Waverider system without passing out, be our guest.”

“… I mean I could try.”

“No.”

You pouted, punching another soldier, this time in the nose. Someone’s particularly grumpy right now. “It’s honestly not that hard, I would just be out for a couple of days and probably on life support.” The line was quiet meaning that Harry chose to ignore your comment. Rude.

You took in a breath and reduced your being to an electrical form, traveling up some buildings to gauge the situation. Kara and Kara-X were facing off at the moment. Eobard was naturally keeping Barry busy while Oliver and Oliver-X were in an intense hand-to-hand-to-bow combat. Yeah, their fight wasn’t as impressive as the other two. You took in a breath heading back down to the fight, this time getting closer to Mick and Leo Snart, who you found to be the Earth-X resistance fighter and doppelganger to your dead ex-boyfriend.

What goes around comes around.

***

“Where were you?”

Turning back from where you sat, you sent a questioning look to Barry and pointed to yourself when no one had responded. He had specifically prompted you with the question. The look in his hazel-green eyes were distant as he leaned against the front of the Cortex desks. You recognized that look from a few years ago. The silence in the Cortex was sliced amongst the team. DeVoe was still out there, scheming. Some stopped what they were doing to gauge what would happen, others (mainly Harry) kept working away but inclined an ear in case either of you were to do something rash.

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, (Y/N). You’re not that dumb.”

“Excuse me.” You narrowed your eyes at the scarlet speedster.

“Barry,” Iris whispered to him, but he shook her off as he folded his arms.

“Where were you after you left Iris and Felicity?”

Ah, of course he wouldn’t miss that. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse.

“I went to go buy them some time.”

“Buy them some time or buy yourself some time? To see Eobard.”

Your heart hammered tightly in your chest, but you made no move to indicate what you had done. In a sense, you did both. You protected Iris and Felicity while keeping Eobard company.

“Why would I want to see someone who’s allied themselves to a Nazi regime on a different Earth, Barr?”

“Why wouldn’t you do anything to see the one you once loved?”

“Are you talking about me,” you tilted your head to the side, taunting him now, “or yourself?” You referenced the events that happened last year. Barry was more than aware of what you were indicating. Flashpoint. Savitar. Iris’ predicted death, HR’s sacrifice, his time remnant’s downfall. But you’ve been wanting to add kerosene to the flames. “Are you referring to your mom,” you turned your head to Iris, “or to Iris?” If looks could kill, you would have been reduced to ashes under Barry’s gaze. Cisco put down his tools and Caitlin glanced at her friends from where she sat beside Iris. Harry capped his marker but turned his eyes towards you. “Like I said, I caught some unwanted attention, and they were reluctant to release me. How is that any different from the others getting stuck in the pipeline?”

“You left Iris to defend herself.”

“Oh my god! Barry!” You rolled your eyes at his statement, deflecting your own questions. “Iris this, Iris that. Iris is a big girl with nearly perfect marksmanship as Harry. She’s more than capable of taking care of herself. I know that. She knows that. The same goes for Felicity as well. But do you know that?” Divide them, fester the idea of unreliability between those two. After all, it’s because of Barry’s decisions for Iris that everyone gets screwed over. It’s one of the reasons for the resentment and bitterness that grows within you. Only they can be happy, no one else can.

“You left Iris and Felicity while this place was crawling with Earth-Xers just to see Thawne!”

“Fucking prove it, you dickbag,” you screamed back at him, “if you’re so certain. Prove it, because contrary to your belief, I was fighting beside you and everyone else that day in the city once I managed to escape. Ask Cisco and Harry. Ask Sara. Hell, even ask Mick and Leo.”

Barry shook his head with a cruel smile, “Do you wanna know how I know?” The speedster took out his phone and started it up, showing the screen of your location. “Careful what you wish for.” Dread gripped your heart as Barry chuckled to himself. “That’s right. I chipped you, that night I pushed you against the doorframe before leaving for the warehouse fight. I chipped you. I already had Thawne chipped earlier that night. On his suit, when I landed a few hits on him. He doesn’t know or… not until recently.” Barry did a search for any pings, but there were none except for yours. “You asked me for proof, here it is.” He slid his fingers on the screen showing a timestamp and your location pinged with Eobard’s at the labs.

“This means nothing.”

“It means everything!” Barry stepped closer to you, anger in his wake. “You left us for him.”

“Yet I still fought with you guys because it was the right thing to do regardless of how I feel for him. You don’t understand nor will you want to understand. You’d rather label us as 100% on the wrong side without acknowledging that we can dwell in a gray area. The world isn’t just black and white, Barry. Or have you forgotten about your own morally gray decisions?”

Sparks crackled in the air, whether it was from you or Barry, no one could tell. Harry took a subtle step towards you from where he stood at the glass board a few feet beside you. He was the only one that can calm you down from this, maybe Iris too, but most definitely he himself. But Harry wasn’t quick enough because the Cortex monitors went haywire while the room darkened. You and Barry were nowhere in the room.

“Barry!” Iris screamed a second after he had sped you away.

***

Eobard raked a hand through his dark locks, analyzing the future article again. He fiddled with his rightful Reverse Flash emblem in his hands, his fingers tracing over the single lightning bolt. It took the genius a full day to extract the SS emblem from his suit, but with your help he was able to detonate it a safe distance away in some open fields. While the people of Central City slept and you had assured Eobard that the Labs were vacant, the speedster had rushed into his old office and compiled all the documents he needed to keep out of Barry’s hands. He’s honestly surprised Team Flash hadn’t rifled thus far into the records he kept. The only things missing were speed theories and the equation escalation to the Speed Formula. Although, he had solved that issue for Barry two years ago when he had traveled back in time for an answer on getting faster.

Still such a naïve child, not at all like the Flash from my future. Arranging some papers together on his new office desk, without meaning to Eobard had knocked over a picture frame. The breaking of glass caught his attention, craning his neck to see the fallen frame. The frame held a picture of you and him from before the Particle Accelerator exploded around Christmas. Before you had known his secret. But now the frame was adorned with a fierce crack through you. Eobard’s mouth went dry, knowing that superstitions were just superstitions, but he couldn’t exactly place the rush of fear welling in his body.

“Gideon, pull up (Y/N)’s location.” Eobard pulled his glasses off smoothly as the AI did as told. She was at the labs. “Access the live feed cameras.” Gideon pulled up holo-images 8x8 of what seemed to be a further escalating scene between you and Barry through STAR Labs. Gritting his teeth, Eobard summoned his suit and launched himself forward into it. The Negative Speedforce fueled by his anger and hate pumped dangerously in his veins.

Barry Allen will regret the day he dared to lay a hand on you.

***

“You’re a traitor!”

“Speak for yourself.” You grunted against the wall, your electric blade dissipating in your hand. It was getting harder to breathe, to keep up with his movements. With speedsters, you preferred long-range combat, but you had to make due at times. “You’re the one who betrayed everyone first for your own selfish desires. Flashpoint, the cause of so much pain and misery. In the end, there was so much collateral damage, and you were the cause of so many lives lost.”

“Flashpoint should have wiped you away. You should have been thankful. We helped you,” Barry fumed, pressing his forearm harder against your throat. “We stood by you.”

“They stood by me.” You tried channeling your electricity, even to siphon off a lick of his in order to produce a dagger, but to no avail. Only sparks flickered from the tips of your fingers, “You couldn’t stand the sight of me when you brought me in.” You had no grievances towards anyone else other than Barry. Not Iris, not Caitlin, not Joe, not Cisco. Certainly not Ralph simply because he’s new. And not towards Harry and Jesse. Iris and Caitlin were the two people who kept you the most grounded to the world for they understood the loss of a loved one and the process of moving on.

“You’re damn right I couldn’t. I was wrong to have let you stay around after Iris and Caitlin rehabilitated you.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make, now, was it?”

“You’re a monster just like Thawne. You’re not a hero.”

You simply spit blood in Barry’s face. “I’m neither thief nor hero.” You were kind of enjoying pushing his buttons, releasing all those pent-up emotions and frustration over the years. Wiping his face clean with his sleeve, the speedster sped you out of the room, throwing punches and kicks at you. He had run you through the entirety of STAR Labs. You siphoned off passing energy from computers and lightbulbs to throw at him Palpatine-style when there was distance between you two, but there was only so much you could do in your current condition. You were getting tired; you couldn’t keep up. Every burst of electricity that burned him had drained you. Blood continued to trickle from the side of your face and sweat glistened on your skin. You healed fast, but he healed much faster.

“Barry, stop! You’re going to kill her.” Iris shouted with a gun in her hand, the others piling into the room. Cisco threw a wave blast at Barry and Frost aimed a couple of icicles his way, but the speedster had dodged them. The scarlet speedster tossed you to the ground like a bag of peanuts before turning to the others. You skidded to the side, breathing in deeply then coughed up some blood into your fist. Blood continued to trickle from the side of your face and sweat glistened on your skin. You could feel your cheek swell as well as an ache form in your chest, maybe a few cracked ribs. Could potentially puncture your lungs if this didn’t end soon.

“And why shouldn’t I? For all we know, she could be spying on us for Thawne.”

“Barry killing her won’t solve anything,” Harry shot at him with his pulse rifle to create some distance between you two before training it on you. “It’ll just make things worse.” You met his eyes, and you could see the disappointment in them. A tinge of guilt hit you, but you pushed past it as you stood on unsteady feet. Your body felt like it was made of lead, but you continued on. If this is how things are to be, then so be it.. You leaned against the wall, cradling your damaged ribcage, as Harry continued. “Regardless of her actions, she did keep Iris and Felicity safe in her own way, she still stood by us.” You were finding it extremely hard to breathe, to stay conscious. Your breathing slowed, the noise in the room between Team Flash was reduced to murmuring to your ears. Did I burst an eardrum too?

“Are you kidding me, Wells? How can you say that when-”

You blinked before collapsing onto the ground, a streak of red had filled your vision. Eobard pinned Barry to the wall, his hand squeezing at his throat while red hot anger filled his vision. “Good to see you again so soon, Flash,” the yellow speedster drawled with a rough grin in his distorted voice. “It seems like you overstepped your boundaries.” Eobard kicked Barry in the ribs and landed a few speed punches, the scarlet speedster already exhausted from his fight with you. “Isn’t this position nostalgic?” Barry was clawing at Eobard’s firm grip, suspending the young hero in the air against the wall as he had done years ago.

“I- had a feeling... you’d show up, Thawne,”

Licking your bloodied lips, you groaned as you leaned up with hoarseness in your voice, “Eo, don’t.” The man in yellow stopped, slowly turning his quaking gaze towards you. You held his gaze for as long as you could get the message through to him. “Enough.” Eobard retracted a fist that was to make contact on Barry’s face, but not before squeezing the scarlet speedsters throat tightly and throwing him towards the upper part of the speed lab. Eobard took off his cowl and generated his speed to be by your side, eyeing every cut and bruise on your broken skin. Your eyes drooped shut when he brushed the back of his gloved hand against your unwounded cheek. His eyes softened, but his insides clenched. Iris and Caitlin had run to where Barry laid while Harry and Cisco monitored Eobard with caution as he gently scooped you in his strong arms.

Standing up with your limp form, the speedster disregarded Cisco, yet glared coldly at his supposed doppelganger. The future genius then turned to them and spoke, “My love for her is what stopped me this time. Next time,” his eyes landed on Barry, “you won’t be so lucky. Lay a hand on her again and I won’t hesitate to end your miserable life, Flash.” His eyes flashed red as they met Barry’s for the last time before taking his leave in a wake of red electricity.

***

Eobard stopped his vibrational intimidation once he made it to your temporary home, Gideon had already prepared the necessary diagnostic tests that would need to be conducted to assess your health. Laying you on the gurney gently, he kissed your forehead before proceeding. The speedster had cleaned you up, replacing your burnt clothes and scrubbing the dried remnants of blood on your skin. His heart shattered. His blood turned to ice. Eobard’s baby blues scanned every part of your marred skin. Lines that tallied up right after another, scars that were too stubborn to heal correctly as if trying to serve as a reminder. Eobard’s mouth had dried as his thumb made featherlight touches before injecting the needle into the correct vein. The speedster opened his mouth and closed it, but he could not register any other emotion other than anger and guilt. His thoughts funneled fluidly, emphasizing that one certain cause that led to this escalation. His death had been the cost of your mental and physical state.

Never again. The speedster peppered kisses along your arms as all the implied images ran through his mind. A tear slipped out. It fell from his face onto the scarred tissue. My love. He needed to get back to work. With classical music dancing in the background, Eobard conducted a blood transfusion in order to replace the blood you had lost as well as administering IV fluids. He had to steal the materials from a hospital nearby in Keystone. They won’t be missing it.

“According to my current readings, copious amounts of stress have been exuded onto her heart allowing her to retain a constant distressed state.” Gideon rattled on as Eobard sat next to you with a sleeve rolled up. He glanced over at you as the AI continued. “The X-ray scans have also been completed. She’s suffering trauma in her ribcage, a few cracked ribs, however none are broken. CT results also conclude a mild concussion.”

She’s lucky her lungs hadn’t been punctured. His hate for Barry Allen grew with every second that you laid unconscious.

“How long until a full recovery?”

“Physically it could take up to 3-6 weeks regarding her ribs. The mild concussion will take approximately almost a week and a half. Her heart might take longer. Therefore, she must avoid extraneous activity.”

“Such as using her powers and so on.”

“Yes. Shall I assist you with anything else today, Professor Thawne?”

Eobard ran his fingers over his lips before taking his glasses off and throwing them onto the side of a nearby table. “Keep tabs on Barry Allen’s movements, I want to be alerted if he comes near Keystone or has any intention of it.” The AI nodded before shuttering away into the plinth. Yes, the speedster had been smart to chip him, something Eobard had easily gotten rid of. But to chip you as well, Thawne cursed himself for not seeing it coming. Too preoccupied with the timeline and it’s malleability. “Hopefully DeVoe will keep him away long enough.”

***

Your eyelids felt like they had been cemented shut, the stinging smell of antiseptic slapped you right in the face. Am I dead or in a hospital? A groan left your lips, your throat dry as a desert and craving any drips of water. I hope I’m not in a hospital, I hate those places. The nice thing was that a light wasn’t blinding you, at the very least not piercing through the darkness supplied by your shut eyelids. It was oddly soothing. Your mind finally processed the dull ache residing in your bones, the softness beneath you and the slight chill in the air. Maybe I am dead. Taking one slow breath in, your blood vessels throbbed louder with each fluid pumped through and the humming of machines finally registered to your ears. You didn’t want to open your eyes; you were content with just laying here.

“…” You frowned, the sound of mumbling coming to you. Who was that? “Gi… ru-… I-.” Death, perhaps? You twitched your fingers, a numb sensation set in both your arms. If I’m dead, how can I still feel? It took a moment for your brain to catch you up on how you’d been reduced to such a state. Barry… killed me? No, that’s- Eo was… You shakily formed a fist only to feel something cool against your skin. Felt like another hand. Not bony. Maybe Death gave the appearance of a human for us to pass.

“Mm,” you tried clearing your throat, but it hurt each time, inducing a coughing fit. Blinking wearily, you looked around, your vision blurry until it settled on the being the hand had belonged to. “Mm, I…”

“Shh,” the deep voice cooed. You could hear much more clearly now but couldn’t make out the image of the being. “I have some water for you,” you felt a straw tap your lips. “Drink up.”

Why is Death being so kind to me? I thought Death was swift. You drank a sip at a time before pulling back and shutting your eyes once more. The somatosensory neurons on your arms brushed against some coarse material. A blanket? That same cool touch caressed your cheek. You blinked your eyes open a few times, dizziness ensnaring your mind, but your eyes met icy blue ones. “Eo?”

“I’m here,” he whispered in a gentle tone, standing up from where he sat next to you.

“I’m not dead.”

“No, you’re very much alive”

“Barry, he…”

“I’ve dealt with him. He won’t ever hurt you again.” You watched as he kissed your bandaged hands, each finger receiving a kiss. Cracking your neck, your realized he had changed you into fresh clothes. The scent of faint lavender hung onto the fabric.

“How long was I out?”

“Two weeks.”

It hurt your head when your eyes bugged out. You patted your temples lightly. “Two weeks? What- I-I need to get back. They were going to confront DeVoe. Harry and-”

“No,” Eobard pressed his palm against your shoulder when you tried to sit up abruptly, “You need to rest. Screw Team Flash. For once, just let them be so you can recover.” The speedster did not ask for what had happened to you, knowing the implications in his mind were too strong to be false. Rather, he’d make sure it would not occur a second time

“It’s not that simple, Eo.”

“It really is,” the yellow speedster sighed to himself, rubbing his face. You gestured to the water, and he handed the cup to you. “You’re in no condition to go back there, not after what happened. Your powers and your fight did a number on you. I-…. Your heart stopped a couple of times.” You almost choked on your sip. “I had to jumpstart your heart and keep it going.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For worrying you.” For being a liability that Barry can use.

“Don’t. This,” he gestured with his hands between you and him, “is not something to apologize for. Ever. If anything, it was smart of him to use you for bait as I had used Iris and Eddie.” You pressed your lips into a thin line as your mind started to wander.

“So, we wait?”

Eobard nodded as you ran a hand through you knotted hair. Need to brush that out asap. “We wait until it’s time to strike.”

“Until it’s time for you to strike. I’m remaining neutral in whatever it is between you and Barry in the future. Even if he might not see it that way.” Tipping the scales, balancing good and evil natures in the forces of the world. That’s what He told me my role in the multiverse is along with...

“I know, my love.” I don’t know how to break this to her. “But until then, rest.” If I ask her to come with me, would what I orchestrate then work?

“Eobard.”

“Hm?” Eobard knew he needed to go back to sort a few things out. Chances of getting caught were roughly 30-70, but not zero.

You shifted over to make room for him, patted the spot next to you. “Stay.”

Or would she become collateral damage?

“Always.” The speedster leaned down to kiss your lips before moving in beside you. You laid your head on his chest, minding the slight tremors of pain. Eobard kissed the top of your head and you shut your eyes. You’d go to the ends of the multiverse for him, but you’d also protect your friends. Being at odds with Barry wouldn’t stop you. He just needed to learn to live with your choices as everyone else has had to live with his.

Eobard’s mind ran through every scenario, deciding it’s best to tell you what he intends to do. He’d rather you decide for yourself what to do. The negative speedster respected the position you held onto. Neutrality wasn’t always an easy feat, but he admired your devotion towards him and the ones you love. Eobard was just selfish enough to only want and care for you. He didn’t need anyone else. He certainly didn’t need camaraderie. Tomorrow, he’d tell you. Tomorrow, he’d make sure to take the first step towards ensuring the future.

Betrayal is a fickle thing, Barry Allen. A lesson you will learn again.

109 notes · View notes

msburgundy · 1 year ago

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i totally understand, and honestly i agree. why put yourself through an invasive medical procedure only to be offered a treatment you don't want?

i'm also a huge proponent of (obviously well-researched) self treatment because at the end of the day you're the one living with the consequences of anything you try and you have more incentive than anyone else to actually get it right

my understanding of endometriosis (and actually averie is going to be your best resource on this, she has a lot of stuff saved that makes the case for it really well) is that it is an autoimmune disorder, and so your best place to start is going to be lifestyle interventions for autoimmune health which is consequence free aside from possibly some wasted time

i'd also look into what hormones are most affected and then see about getting labs done just to see where you're at and have that inform your dietary changes etc

as for the PFT, i fully believe that is the kind of thing you can teach yourself, especially with its closeness to your own field of study. a textbook is probably the best starting place for that

and then just to address the main complaint, medical information is actively hidden from the lay population and i do not know why. my best guess is that they presume we're just too stupid to parse out what's relevant to us or not, but it goes beyond just opting to only state the most obvious information to the point of outright dishonesty (like they tell you not to treat a wound in exactly the way you should treat it because they've decided you're stupid and would use unclean equipment and get an infection)

most medical professionals have no respect for the average person and it is reflected in the literature

and then ends up coming back around to them where anyone who doesn't specialize in the condition doesn't know any more than what's accessible to the average person either

to be completely honest, i do not think most doctors feel much obligation to recognize anything at all because even if you do all the work for them they still dismiss you outright as a self-diagnoser rather than considering the information

in my experience, the best way to find the kind of information you're looking for is to start by digging into atypical symptoms of whatever condition you suspect and then once you identify one or a few that you definitely have just search the literature for "condition and symptom" and sift through a ton of potentially irrelevant garbage until you hopefully find something useful

Yes I've been reading stuff from women with endometriosis talking about their "uncommon" or "aytpical" symptoms and I have had some very "...oh shit" moments where what I am experiencing is essentially being described to a t. I have also found a lot of case studies thanks to the university I'm at having interlibrary loan (these are totally related to my studies guys I swear)

The problem comes with the actual diagnosis portion. I don't want to get a pelvic exam, the idea just freaks me out. blah blah whatever we can unpack that complex later.

Let's say I get over myself and I get the diagnosis. What's next? birth control. even if there are other options for pain management, symptom relief, etc. you have to be on hormonal birth control for a specified amount of time until insurance will even consider covering something like pelvic floor therapy.

....so my motivation to seek care is very low.

and to get away from me for a second and to go back to the issue from a broader perspective. Like yes I totally understand why patients are given the most general and common symptoms when being told about a condition. But at the same time healthcare workers must have some duty to recognize when someone is experiencing atypical symptoms don't they

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imabeautifulbutterfly · 3 years ago

Text

Upside Down - CH. 17 - SEASON PREMIERE

Summary: The 501st are on their way to help with the Ryloth invasion. This chapter and the next deal with the before, during and after of Season 1, episodes 119-121 of TCW.

A/N: Hello Lovelies,

Welcome back to the SEASON PREMIERE of Upside Down. Man, I can’t wait for you guys to see where this story goes, I mean, what was with the Sith Attack at the end of Season One? Why is anyone interested in Nerium? Is there something more going on than meets the eye with her? After all Count Dooku was her step-father, somewhat. He was responsible for the death of her brother and looking more and more like the death of her father. So why are they interested in her. What is it that makes her so special? If you have a theory, I would love to hear it.

Please remember, I do love you all, but don’t hate me for the next two chapters when we learn how Rex is dealing with all of this. Remember nitwits in space, as @ladykatakuri calls them.

This season will deal with more of the characters we love and pull away from the 501st, but don’t worry we will still get a healthy dose of our beloved Torrent Company. Also because of the direction the story is going, it may not necessarily follow the storyline of TCW completely, so some story lines may be skipped over, for the sake of the arcs, but not completely.

As mentioned in the posting schedule, I may have to switch off between posting Sins of the Father and The Reunion, that will start as of next week, SOTF will be posted next week, The Reunion will be posted the following week. I realized I’m currently working on five stories, not including one offs and mini series. Once I start posting The Gym Membership, Upside Down and The Gym Membership will be on a rotating schedule as well. Sorry guys, but there’s only so much I can do

Warnings: mentions of children at war, angst, emotional hurt, fluff, slight mention of injury, medical procedure, Kix being ori’vod protective, mentions of death, mentions of injured bodies, regret, I think that’s it, if I miss any warnings, please let me know.

Feel free to comment, leave some love, do a reblog, or all three. I love to hear from you guys, tell me what you think. Love oo. If you want to be tagged for upcoming chapters, let me know.

AO3 Link | Words: 5,691 | Previous - - - > Next

Upside Down Master List | Main Master List

RYLOTH

“Guys, I got this!”

Vi and I looked at each other, we spent the past ten minutes trying to help her see that this was a huge responsibility, but no matter what we said it didn’t register, “Ahsoka, we know you’re excited about leading a squadron, but you have to understand not everyone might come back”

Ahsoka’s eyes focused on me, they were serious yet at the same didn’t seem to fully understand the seriousness with which we were talking with her, “My squad will”

“Ahsoka” I pleaded, it was one thing to be in a situation where she had to take the lead because she had no other choice, but this time, it was her mission.

Vi placed her hand on Nerium’s shoulder, “Ahsoka, you’ve never had to take the lead in a squad before, all Nerium is trying to help you realize is that you’re going to be the one responsible for these men, to make tough decisions, their lives are in your hands.”

“Don’t worry guys, I got this. Trust me.”

“I trust you. We trust you. May the force be with you, Ahsoka” I offered, there was no point to continue the discussion.

“Thank you guys, love you” She hugged both of us before heading off to her starfighter, to get it ready for when we jumped out of hyperspace.

I rubbed my face, as I sat in the gunship beside Vi, “I don’t understand how they’re letting a 14 year old take the lead, what is wrong with these Jedis!”

“Honestly, I have no idea. I’m seriously worried about her”

“Worried about who?” We looked up to see Fives and Echo stroll over, there was a giant grin on Fives lips, as he walked up to us. Vi and Fives had been dating for a while now and they only kept getting cuter, although according to Echo, it was sickening.

“Ahsoka. Ner and I are worried about her”

Echo came and sat beside me, his arm draping over my shoulder, “Why are you worried about her?”

“Cause she’s just a kid” my hand was running through my hair, “you guys have a hard enough time dealing with all the stuff you see and you’re literally made for this, trained for this, she’s … “

“She’ll be okay, vod’ika, she’s got a good General who’ll look after her, and is there for her. If he didn’t think she could handle it, he wouldn’t have given her the assignment.”

“I guess, I just …”

“You have a big heart, darlin’” Fives added, looking at me, I looked to see him now seated underneath Vi, and her sitting on his lap, her arm wrapped around his shoulder, “but don’t forget Ahsoka is a Jedi, she’ll be able to handle anything.”

“She’s still only 14”

“We’re 14, we can handle it”

The idea that not only were they indentured servants but had their lives stolen as well, made me so angry “Doesn’t mean you should” I finally added through clipped teeth.

“Are you this upset because of Ahsoka or because of Rex?” Fives asked, after the incident on Naboo, things had been tense amongst everyone, but things got really tense between Rex and I just before we headed out for our current deployment. I turned to look at Fives, I couldn’t believe he just brought that up, he held up his hand in surrender as my eyes glared into his “Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“I have to go back to med, I’ll see you guys later” I got up without saying anything further, I needed to get away from them, from the hangar, from the blonde Captain, I saw just entering the hangar bay. I stilled for a second, our eyes meeting, I looked away and left faster than before.

Rex watched as Neri practically flew out of the hangar, he wanted to run after her, but there was a message he needed to deliver to his General and that took priority. He would track her down afterwards, and explain his actions, explain everything that was going on.

Echo watched the scene unfold in front of him, Rex and his vod’ika were at odds, no one understood exactly what happened. Fives and Vi also wondered, but Nerium wasn’t talking about it, the only one who did know was Kix and he was keeping his lips tightly shut. Their issues seemed to happen almost overnight, after the Sith attack that Rex endured, things were good between them, but then it began to deteriorate, a lot faster than anyone had realized.

“Has he said anything to you?” Echo asked his brother and Vi

“Not to me” Vi offered, “I’ve even tried to figure out what happened, but he won’t tell me anything”

“I tried asking him once, tried pushing him to tell me”

“And?”

“He threatened to put me on fresher duty for three months, if I didn’t shut up” Fives stated, “he’s not talking about it, and I don’t believe he’s really talked about it with her. I think the Sith attack really freaked him out.”

“Who wouldn’t be, but I have a feeling there’s something more going on,” Vi had noticed that there were times when she saw how Rex practically lost his mind when Ner had gone on missions without him. The way he paced up and down in the hangar when she was due back, only to stand in the shadows to see her come off the shuttle alive and well.

“Well those two are tight lipped, I even tried asking Kix - he won’t talk about it either. End of the day, until one or both of them are ready to talk about it, we won’t know what’s going on anytime soon” Echo looked at his brother and Vi. They were adorable, as they rested their heads against each other. Fives had never looked happier, and he had to thank Vi for it. There was however, someone he needed to go check on too, “I’ll catch you guys later” with that Echo stood and headed out.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Hey beautiful”

Ureli turned to see the clone that had captured her heart, “Hi Echo, how’s it going?” As much as she wanted to spend her time focused on him, she had to pay attention to the comm messages she was receiving.

“Got a minute to talk?”

“Give me two minutes”

“Sure”

Echo watched as her lekkus swung back, sitting gently on her shoulders.

Ureli tried to ignore the man who had won her heart the first time they had met, when she was boarding the Resolute from their last shore leave, she was being harassed by some of the dock workers, not allowing her to pass. Echo stepped in and handled those dock workers, making sure they learned to leave her alone permanently. Ureli’s eyes widened seeing him come to her rescue, from that moment she was absolutely mesmerized by his chivalrous and kind hearted nature. Even the way he helped her off the floor showed how kind he was, he kept a respectable distance offering her his hand, he didn’t automatically feel he had a right to touch her, rather he waited till she felt comfortable enough to touch him. Then he stayed with her the entire time, taking her to med, calling his vod’ika to meet them there, explaining as best as he could what had transpired.

When Nerium came rushing into med, she was careful with Ureli, making sure to look at the scrapes she suffered. Echo hadn’t left her side the entire time, and Ureli’s heart had melted completely at the sweetness of the man named Echo.

“Okay, done. How are you, sweetie?” Ureli turned, giving Echo the biggest smile she could muster at seeing him, she wished Echo would just ask her out, it had been a month or so since they had met, and he still hadn’t said anything. He maintained a respectful distance, treated her like a queen, someone too high for him to reach. She hoped he would see that she wasn’t out of his reach, he just needed to extend a hand and she would be his.

“I’m good, just wondering if you had heard anything about Rex and Nerium?”

“Oh” Ureli’s heart broke a little, she had hope he had come to see her, to spend time with her, just because it was her, not because she was tuned in to the latest gossip, or to see if she had any information with regards to what happened on the bridge, “Not really, well not fully.”

Echo smirked, “That means you did hear something”

Ureli bit her bottom lip, shifting her eyes around the room, making sure no one else listened, “Okay, yes, I heard something, but this is just between you and me, right?”

“Of course” Echo smiled leaning further into her station, he wanted to ask her out. A few times he was really close, even opened his mouth to say those words ‘want to join me for a drink?’, but each time his mouth opened the words failed him. Echo convinced himself there was no way she would be interested, not since there were clearly so many better options out there.

“Alright, apparently he’s thinking about breaking up with her” Ureli kept her voice as quiet as possible, she didn’t want anyone else hearing.

“WHAT!” Echo’s voice echoed around the room, he flinched at the sound of his voice echoing, “sorry” he whispered.

“Everything okay here, Echo?”

Echo looked up to see his General standing on the bridge looking down at him and Ureli, “Yes, sorry General, I … I …” Echo looked around, “I accidentally stumped my toe, it was just unexpected. Sorry, General.”

Anakin nodded to the Domino twin and smirked, “Maybe you should go to med, make sure you didn’t break anything”

“Right, yes, sir. Right away, sir.” Echo saluted, as the General walked away a grin appearing on his lips that wasn’t missed by either Echo or Ureli.

Ureli tried to hide the laughter that wanted to burst, she turned to look at Echo, “You can’t lie to save your life”

“In fairness, my life is dependent on how well I can fire a blaster.”

“That’s true, well at least I’ll know you can never lie to me”

“Why would I ever lie to you?” Echo’s eyes focused on hers, he felt like his world made sense looking into hers, if he could be granted one wish it would be to look into those eyes for the rest of his life.

“Not sure, but you know, it’s good to know you can’t” Ureli didn’t pull away from the gaze Echo’s eyes held, if anything she wanted to close the distance, she wanted to press her lips against his, but she wouldn’t. She would never do that to her friend.

“I should probably head to med, before the General comes back, but we need to discuss this more, why would he want to break up with her?”

“Isn’t she your sister, wouldn’t she have talked to you about this?”

“She probably talked about it with Kix, there are certain things she doesn’t talk to me about”

“I understand that, I don’t tell my younger siblings everything”

“How are you doing?” Echo leaned against her terminal, he didn’t want to leave her, but while he still had a few more minutes before he had to really leave, there was no harm in asking a few questions.

“I’m okay, the comms I’ve been getting are pretty intense though. Are we still grabbing dinner?”

“Depending on what happens with this engagement” Echo motions to the front of the bridge, they were still in hyperspace, “but yeah, I think so”

“Good” Ureli couldn’t hide the smile, that Echo always put on her lips, “I like our meals”

“Me too” Echo knew this was the moment to ask her out, he opened his mouth, he was going to say the words, he felt them coming “Would …”

“Echo! What are you still doing here?” Echo looked up to see General Skywalker peering down at him, “I told you to head to med, off with you” Anakin motioned towards the door, Echo nodded, he gave Ureli a smirk before turning and heading towards med. Echo kicked the wall as soon as the door closed, only to scream out in pain, damn it! He hobbled over to med, clearly he bruised something, it served him right for not getting it out fast enough.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

“Kix has a very specific way of organizing med, doesn’t he?” Pepper asked Nerium, she hadn’t known her for long, but she could see why Kix had taken a liking to her, as quickly as he did from the rumours she heard. After all Nerium was brilliant and six steps ahead on most incidents, her recovery rate was almost as high as Kix’s. Pepper couldn’t help but be a little jealous of the relationship the two had. She wanted to be that close with her trainer, but it probably wasn’t going to happen.

“Well there are my two favourite people” Kix’s voice echoed through med, before I could even respond to Pep’s question as Kix strolled into Med.

Kix looked between his sister and the new trainee, Pepper was a beautiful woman and had captured Kix’s heart with her inquisitive mind, but he knew he couldn’t pursue anything with her, not while he was training her. Which made his trip to med that much joyful, he couldn’t wait to tell his vod’ika the wonderful news that was resting on the tip of his tongue.

“Hey vod” Kix walked over to his vod’ika, pulling her into a sideways hug, placing a kiss on her temple, “I thought you were taking the morning off, you were supposed to be resting up before we reached Ryloth, Kix.”

“I was, but then I received some good news I couldn’t wait to share” Kix’s smile went from ear to ear, he couldn’t wait to give her the good news.

“What’s the good news, sir?” Pepper still didn’t feel comfortable calling Kix by his name, as much as she wanted to be close with her supervisor and trainer, she just held too much respect for him. Plus it helped to keep her crush at bay, if she remembered he was her superior.

“Well, Pep, the news I got” Kix turned to look at his vod’ika, “congrats, Medic Nerium, you have become a full fledged Medic. You are no longer a trainee.” He pulled her into a hug, picking her up like it was nothing and spinning her around med.

I couldn’t believe it, a smile broke against my lips as he pulled me into a hug, a giggle erupted as he spun me, “I’m really proud of you” he whispered into my ear, I tightened my hold on him. He lowered me gently.

“I thought … Usually … doesn’t it take longer”

“Yes, it does, but” Kix smirked, “I made a case that your recovery rate was exceptionally high, you’ve handled more serious cases than any typical trainee would have, and especially after Naboo, it would be in the best interest of the GAR to make you a fully fledged medic.”

“Vod, I don’t… thank you, so much vod” I pulled him into another hug, this time it was tighter.

“You know what this means?” Kix smirked, pulling back to look at his vod’ika, she shook her head ‘no’, “Pepper is now under your supervision, you will complete her training, and I’ll do the overall exam at the end to see how well you’ve trained her.”

My smile fell from my face, “Kix, I don’t think…”

“Trust me, you got this. All right, I’m going to enjoy the rest of my morning off. Congrats, vod’ika” Kix pressed his forehead against his vod’ika’s “I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you, Kix”

Kix held her head gently between his hands, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, after everything she’s been going through with Rex, she needed some good news. Kix gave her one more smile and headed out of med, leaving his two medics to look after any incoming injuries, when he saw his Captain walking up to med.

“What are you doing here, Captain?” Kix squared his shoulders, if he had to he would do what he had to, to keep Rex away from his sister.

“Kix, I just want to talk to her”

“I think you’ve done enough, don’t you?'' Kix crossed his arms, clenching his fists. He didn’t care if Rex was going to reprimand him, if it meant he kept his vod’ika happy for even a little bit longer he’d chance it. After the incident as she called it, she didn’t really get a chance to deal with it. Echo comm-ed her, he needed her help, one of the communication officers had been accosted on her way in; thankfully, she only had minor scrapes and bruises, it didn’t take long for Nerium to fix her up, once she did, she found Kix and cried on his shoulder about what happened with Rex.

“Kix”

“No. She opened up to you, let you in, when she wasn’t looking for anything. You finally get what you want and then you begin pushing her away, and what’s worse she doesn’t even know why. You won’t talk to anyone about it.”

“Kix”

“You keep doing these things hoping she’ll break up with you, like that stupid incident you pulled at our last shore leave. You get her to meet you at 79’s only for her to walk in and see you kissing some Pantoran trash, that’s really low, and you won’t even tell me why you did it. I thought you were an honourable man, Captain? I thought you were deserving of her, but this kind of behaviour, you should be glad we’re onboard the Resolute, if this was Coruscant I would kick your ass all the way to the barracks.”

Rex looked around the hallway, this wasn’t the time to be having this discussion but at the same time, if Kix knew the truth then maybe he’d be able to help Neri understand why they needed to break up. “Come with me” it was all he said before he grabbed Kix’s arm and dragged him to his office.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

“Congratulations, vod’ika that’s amazing news” Echo awkwardly hugged Nerium as he sat on the bed, while she was trying to scan his foot. “Are you excited?”

“Partly”

“Why partly?”

“Kix has me training Pepper” I lowered my voice not wanting Pepper to hear our conversation.

Echo chuckled, “You know why, right?” His voice was lowered matching his vod’ika’s.

“I do” I smirked looking at Echo, “You should’ve seen his face, it was like he swallowed a lightbulb, he was so excited”

“Do you think he’s going to ask her out right away?”

“No, knowing Kix, he’ll wait until after her exam. Speaking of asking people out…” I crooked my eyebrow looking at Echo, “How are things going with Ureli?”

Echo informed Nerium, how close he was to asking Ureli, and how he subsequently ended up in front of her.

I looked from Echo’s eyes to his foot back to his face, “I don’t understand she hit your foot?”

Echo chuckled “No, I hit my foot after I finally had the nerve to ask only to be blocked by the General, telling me to come to med”

“So you hit your foot before you … hit your foot?”

“No, I told the General I hit my foot, but I didn’t”

“Now I’m thoroughly confused” I held the scanner in my hand, trying hard not to gesture with it, “You told Anakin you hit your foot but you didn’t, and you were about to ask her out, but then Anakin told you to go to med, and when you left you hit your foot for real?”

Echo swayed his head from side to side, “More or less”

“So you lied to the General?”

“Yes”

“Why?”

“I drew attention to myself”

“Doing what?” I looked at the scanner, no breaks, slight bruising, at least that would be an easy treatment.

“Um …” Echo realized his mistake, he couldn’t just tell his vod’ika, he was asking dirt about her and Rex, “Well I was talking to Ureli, you know checking in with her, and she mentioned something that caught me off guard, and I made a rather loud rebuttal to what she said, drawing the attention of the General”

“What did she say? By the way, your foot is bruised, nothing major, a quick bacta spray and you’ll be good as new”

“Thanks vod’ika”

“Pepper can you grab the bacta spray, the 75% strength”

“Sure” Pepper’s voice floated over to where Echo was seated.

“How’s it going with her, in all honesty?” Echo motioned toward the voice

“Good, actually, she’s very smart, I don’t have to explain anything twice. She really pays attention to what she’s doing, it’ll be a shame we won’t be able to keep her.”

“You never know”

I shook my head, “Nah, they don’t want two nat-born medics on one ship, they want them spread out, so either I leave or she does.”

“That’s such a dumb rule”

“I know, you’re preaching to the choir”

“I’m a what to the what?”

“Never mind, it’s just a saying back from Onderon”

“Here you go” Pepper handed me the bacta spray, she stood beside me watching what I was about to do.

“Okay, Pepper, pop quiz, why use a 75% bacta strength on a bruise that is restricted to the dermis and epidermis?” I sprayed Echo’s foot, while I waited for Pepper to answer.

“Otherwise, the bacta could cause adverse effects on unaffected tissue, you want to make sure to treat the affected area, not cause any issues with the muscular tissue underneath.”

“Very good, so explain why a bacta tank doesn’t have the same concern?”

“Bacta tanks have various agents, not just bacta to treat the patient, and usually any patient that is in a bacta tank, has a severe injury, such as a broken bone, concussion, brain swelling, etcetera.”

“Very good, if someone with a broken arm goes into a bacta tank, how long should they remain in there?”

“Depending on the severity of the break, the minimum is 12 - 24 hours, or until the break is fully healed”

“Excellent” I handed Pepper back the bacta spray, “Thank you, Pepper, could you put that away for me?”

“Absolutely”

Echo watched as Pepper walked away, “She’s not as good as you, but she’s good”

“That’s because you’re biassed” I stated as I wrapped Echo’s foot, “Okay, so no heavy duty for at least two hours, go to your bunk, rest up. We’ll be jumping out of hyperspace in about four hours, more or less”

“Will do” Echo put his boot back on, and stood ready to leave, when Nerium held up her hand.

“You asked Ureli about Rex and I didn’t you?” I looked into Echo’s eyes, his eyes looked so guilty.

“I’m sorry, Nerium, I am. I’m just worried, and wondered if she had heard anything that could help me - help you.”

I let out a long exasperated sigh, “I know and I appreciate it Echo, I do” I looked down, “Look, I’m going to tell you what’s going on, but you can’t tell anyone okay, Kix is the only one that knows.”

“I swear, vod’ika, no one will know”

I nodded, motioning for him to take a seat on the bed, “Rex is dealing with some things right now, the Sith attack really messed him up. He was fine for a little bit, but his nightmares have gotten really intense since then. He hasn’t really talked to me about it, I’m not sure why, maybe he thinks I can’t deal with it or something. He just keeps trying to push me away, trying different things, being cruel with his words, treating me like I don’t matter, and some other things that I don’t want to get into. I appreciate that you want to help, but until Rex is ready to get help, there’s nothing anyone can do.”

Echo didn’t say anything, he couldn’t believe his sweet vod’ika had to deal with that, he stood back on his feet, wrapping her in his arms, he felt her arms wrap around him. He also heard as she softly began to sob into his chest, he stood there holding her until she stopped crying. She had just gotten him, and now she was losing him, not because of anything she did, but because of this war, because of this man who wants to claim the galaxy for his own. If he had a chance to face Count Dooku, he would kill that man for his vod’ika.

I pulled back to look at my vod, “Thank you, Echo. I needed that” I wiped the tears that had streaked my cheeks, “I’m sorry I got your armour wet” I reached over and grabbed a towel, drying off his armour.

“Vod’ika, that is the least of my worries. Please know you can always talk to me, okay. If you need someone to talk to, I’ll be here for you. Okay”

I nodded, Echo pulled me into one more hug, he squeezed tightly, “Okay, you need to rest your foot. Go on, I’ll be okay”

“You sure? I can rest here, stay with you for a bit”

I shook my head, “No, it’s okay, thank you”

Echo placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, “Okay, comm if you need to talk or anything, okay”

I nodded, Echo walked away, trying to hold on to me as much as possible before he had to leave my sphere. I watched Echo head out, he stopped at the door, turning to look at me one more time, “I’m serious, comm, okay”

“I promise, Echo, I will”

As soon as Echo left, I tossed the soiled towel into the hazard bin for washing later. Pepper came from the supply closet, she stopped for a second looking at my face, “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just an emotional day”

“I didn’t get a chance to congratulate you on becoming a full fledge medic, and thank you for being my trainer, I’m gonna do my best to make you proud”

I smiled at her, “Thanks, Pep, I have no doubt. Okay, let’s focus, so we’re going to be getting some wounded coming in once we are out of hyperspace, I want you to take the time to become aware where things are, commit it to memory now, because once we are in the heat of battle, you won’t have a chance to ask where this is or where that is, understood? Also, trust me, keep extra gauze and bacta patches on hand.”

“Yes, ma’am” Pepper headed off to examine every inch of the med, Pepper didn’t get the chance to memorize everything unlike the opportunity I had when I first joined. We were put on medical leave for one month after Naboo, making sure everyone of the 501st and 212th was inoculated against the Blue Shadow Virus, which also meant a full clean sweep of the ship as well. In the meantime Pepper had been shifted to help on Corrie med, until the Resolute was ready, and the crew members were ready to board again.

I’m not sure how Anakin pulled it off, but after the medical leave we were given a few extra weeks of shore leave, to replenish our lost personnel, that was a hard day, watching all the new shinies board the Resolute, knowing they probably wouldn’t last long, at least most of them wouldn’t. My tears welled up that day. I kept wishing Nat would’ve just walked up the ramp that day, but that wasn’t going to happen, his body and Lasso’s were incinerated, they didn’t want a chance of another possible outbreak.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Pep, be prepared, they just engaged …” Kix started speaking, before he could say anything more, the ship jolted, alarms began ringing, “Okay, this isn’t a drill grab your med kits, get everything ready, we’re about to be engulfed with injuries.”

Just as Kix finished speaking, the doors flew open as men started limping into med, a stretcher came into view as men started to move out of the way, “Move out of the way!” Shouts filled the med, “It’s Admiral Yularen!” Someone else shouts echoed through “Nerium! Kix! Admiral Yularen was injured” came the shouts as the men brought him closer to us.

“Take him to the ICR” I shouted, “Pep, assess the injuries while Kix and I look after the Admiral, we’re about to be inundated, when Ultimate gets here, have him help you, do you remember the colour code system?”

“Yes, Green - Ambulatory, Yellow - Medium Priority, Red - High Priority, Black - Low chance of survival”

“Good, go!” Kix and I took off after the Admiral, while Pep started assessing the men, the Admiral was in bad shape, “How is he?” Anakin’s voice came through the door.

“Not sure, General” Kix stated, “I’m going to have ask you to wait outside”

“Nerium?” Kix turned to me

“Looks like a pretty bad concussion, I’ll know more once the results are in, just finishing the scan now, but I’m worried about a brain bleed.”

Kix turned his attention to the General who was waiting at the door, “Are we in any more immediate danger? I need to know if I should get the patients ready to mobilize”

“No, we’re okay for now, but we lost the Redeemer”

“How many men?”

“Almost 9,000”

I closed my eyes hearing the conversation between Kix and Anakin, all those lives lost, lives that will never have a chance at knowing a future, our family, friends, … I shook my head out of my thoughts, I couldn’t think about that now, I had to focus on the Admiral, my scanner beeped bringing me out of the spiral I was going down.

“Just as I expected, concussion, slight bruising, he needs to rest but he’ll be okay, thankfully there’s no brain swelling or brain bleed.” Kix nodded and headed out of the room with Anakin, he left me to patch him up. As soon as I was done, I headed back out to med to help Pep and Ultimate. Med was being overrun by the injured, I started shouting out instructions to Pep and Ultimate. I assessed as I moved my way through the grounds of injured bodies. Kix came in helping to bring in men too injured to walk on their own. I glanced over when I saw the Jaig helmet, I gave Rex a quick once over to make sure he was okay, he appeared fine as he helped an injured trooper.

Anakin called me, Kix, and Rex over, “Alright status update”

“General, there are at least 15 dead, some 50 injured” Kix offered, “that’s not including Tucker and Axe that were lost from Ahsoka’s squad.” My heart broke for Ahsoka, once everyone was looked after, I needed to make time to see how she was doing.

“Alright Kix, Rex come with me, let’s head to the hangar see what we can do down there”

“Yes, sir” was all Rex said, he was thankful the helmet hid the concern he had for Neri, his eyes were looking her over, making sure there were no injuries on her. He fought hard against the urge to wrap her up in his arms.

“If you don’t need me, there are men here who do,” I stated, looking at Anakin.

“Actually, you should come with me, in case there are injured men in the hangar, Kix, do you mind if I steal her?”

“No, I got Pep, Ultimate, Fade and Dust to help me. Vod’ika take the extra large med pack, and extra badges, any greens send them directly here, yellows, get the greens to help them make their way to med, and any reds try to stabilize them as best as you can, before sending them here.”

“Understood” I moved away grabbing the pack and getting any extra supplies I could handle, as we walked further away from med, I stopped to give some bacta patches and gauzes to those we saw on the way to the hangar, when I noticed Rex’s helmet kept shifting slightly, glancing over to me.

“I could carry that for you?” Rex finally broke the silence between the two of them, holding out his hand ready to take the pack from Neri. He wanted to tell her so much more. What the real reason was he was trying to push her away, after talking with Kix, he realized he had been going about this all wrong, everything had gone wrong.

I pulled the pack closer to me, “I got it, thanks” my tone was clipped. I didn’t want to be so strict and stiff with him, but I was still hurt, especially after what I had seen at 79’s. What’s worse is he hadn’t talked to me about it, no matter how many times I tried to ask him, begged him to talk to me, he wouldn’t.

Rex didn’t push the issue, he couldn’t be mad at her, she had every right to keep her distance. Ever since she walked out of 79’s, the look of absolute hurt, crushing pain that broke across her face, was forever etched into his heart. He can still remember the look on her face when he came back to the Resolute, her eyes were red and puffy, her nose was swollen from the times she had wiped away the wetness, all signs that she had clearly been crying. She asked why, why he chose to hurt her like that, and he just couldn’t answer, he hoped it would have been the push she needed for her to end it. He was glad she didn’t, but now that horrible day played on repeat in Rex’s memories, not to mention all the horrible things he had said, and the distance he kept from her. Just walking beside her, the memory of the day came flooding back like it was yesterday …

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years ago

Note

The fever..sweat..headache

His neck...he can't move it without feeling an electric current running through his spine and down his legs

He's losing it...

They don't know what's wrong with him

But he's not helping,his speech is incoherent!

He's in a different world where dark figures with wide eyes and evil smiles are mocking him

Stop resisting!

Just let go!

You're gonna die and rot anyway!

But he just can't

He's so scared and they keep touching him with their paws and it burns his skin and electrifies his body...making his chest tightens,his vision goes blank and his stomach knots..if he could just throw up or even take his breath,He'd feel less miserable...maybe even a bit better...but the agony is ongoing and there's no break for him.

"We need to get him on his left side"

The sheets are cool and his body is sweaty,his face is scarlet red and his dark locks are stuck to his forehead.

"We need to perform a lumbar puncture,Jasper"

And we need you to be very still"

Said that Doctor as he unpacked some towels and prepped some syringes

there's a stinging smell of disinfectant and the air is so dry that he can't even breathe

Where is he?

"We need to confirm if it's meningitis "

"But can't we give him antibiotic or something and then do whatever you need to do"

"Well,that might interfere with the sample results"

The man saw a long needle put on the tray and you don't have to be so smart to know that it's the actual "puncture" needle.

"Oh,God!"

"But he's not even here! i mean what could happen if he moves and you hit his spinal cord as you introduce your needle?!!"

"That's why you're allowed in here and why we're getting 2 more nurses plus he'll get a local anesthetic for this!"

The doctor said as calm as he could.

"Now,Knees to his chest and tuck his chin down a bit"Ordered the doctor.

"Okay,You hold his head still"

And so the man gently put his palm over Jasper's nape and brushed his hair with his thumb while his other hand tried to get the sticky locks out of the way to his eyes

Jasper let out a pained cry as he was positioned

Everything was hazy

The man shushed him,"It's alright Jas,um here"

"You're gonna be alright,buddy"

Okay now Ash can you take it from here and continue the procedure

I'd like to hear you-He's a very sensitive guy who hates hospitals,doctors and he freaks out whenever it crosses his mind that he might lose control over himself-i thought you might need this also..feel free to tag others who might be interested in completing this piece-i don't really know if it's possible or how this is done..but here i am😅

Jasper is my OC and this piece is original...but i don't think i'll ever post any thing

Hey, I don't really pick up stuff to just finish it since I don't know the OC and don't have a good feel for it or anything, but the idea of medical whump with someone hallucinating - OR ARE THEY - while an invasive procedure has to be done is just... peak whump for me.

Like, definitely a big whump trope fave of mine is medical whump whether or not there is an actual whumper - whumpee being terrified and in pain, even if everyone around them is genuinely trying to help them... but I especially love when it's really not entirely clear if they ARE helping, or if this is going to be torture or torment done for the whumper's amusement or delight. Is the whumpee hallucinating? Or are the enemies real?

That's the good stuff.

You should absolutely keep working on it and if you ever feel called to, post it! The whumpblr community is pretty great and always up for new things.

The only thing I would say is that your text does a lot of paragraph jumps when it shouldn't, like with dialogue and everything. Otherwise I think this is a really good opening, a good place to hook readers and get moving with the story!

#ask ash something and she'll answer #jasper anon #long post #writing advice #whump tropes #medical whump #med whump #surgical whump #nonconsensual surgery

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creativeashproductions · 4 years ago

Text

Shattered Hearts // Luke Patterson

Summary: The teenage years are supposed to the best time of life but not when fate has other plans for Sunset Curve. Not feeling well reader stays home while Luke prepares for the performance of his life at The Orpheum. Shit hits the fan hard and the fallout ensues.

Warnings: Swearing, death, hospital, cancer (type is not detailed) angst, and fluff.

Words: 2.3k

Requested: @lolychu

A/N: I didn’t go into detail about the kind of cancer because I didn’t want to, I want it to be as general as it could. I’ve never gone through it or had someone close go through it so it could be wrong and I apologize for that. Broken heart syndrome is REAL by the way.

Masterlist

Los Angeles, 1995

There are articles of some medical mysteries that can’t fully be scientifically explained, such as when someone dies in excellent health following the death of a loved one. The scientific term is takotsubo cardiomyopathy, but the world knows it merely by Broken Heart Syndrome. It was a day that was supposed to be the greatest of your teenage years, but the day couldn’t have gone any worse.

First, you woke up with an incredibly high fever and newfound bruises. Pain in a wrist out of nowhere but you wrote it off. You had plans, and illness wasn’t scheduled for the day. Your boyfriend and his band had gotten their big break, well their almost big break. Today was the day Sunset Curve would perform at The Orpheum, and you were gonna be backstage cheering them on.

Luke made his appearance at your house in the morning before early rehearsal, and you managed to convince him you were feeling okay. He went on to their studio, and your mother drove you to the hospital in fear.

Life was an asshole. While you waited for test results pale against the hospital sheets, an ambulance rolled in. Carrying three bodies that would go to the morgue for positive confirmation of death. You wouldn’t know for a full day, Luke’s parents too grief-stricken to call you and that’s okay.

“Mom?” You asked as her form caved in on the floor near your hospital bed, “Mom!”

Her eyes filled with so much pain brought you fear and concern. With a struggle, she came closer to hold your hand tightly and spoke brokenly the fate that would snatch you.

“Baby, you don’t have the flu.”

“That’s good? So just meds and we can go home?” You asked heart clenching as her eyes closed tight and you knew whatever the doctor had told her after pulling her out of the room wasn’t good.

Couldn’t be good with the slump in her shoulders, the pain in her eyes and the guilt coating her every word. Mom wasn’t a housewife; she wasn’t a flower in need of protection, but she never kept something from you. Always said it straight and as it is.

“Sweetheart, they’re gonna move you to another ward.” You knew deep in your heart the news had to be the worst because Mom wasn’t telling you the whole story. Finally, she broke down, “The doctors got the results back as soon as they could. The fever, the bruises, and the broken wrist have a reason. You have cancer.”

Cancer. A word that sealed your fate. It left you reeling in shock. It shattered your dream with just one single name. Couldn’t be seen but made its presence known. The coming hour was spent with the specialist detailing the type and a tentative treatment plan he wanted to initiate immediately.

A nurse escorted your mother out as the orderlies and nurses prepped you to be moved to a new room. Knowing you were in good hands, your mom walked to the main doors for fresh air only to be astounded at the sight of Mitch and Emily Patterson. Equally shocked, they came together.

“Emily?” Your mom spoke, looking carefully at the parents of your boyfriend. She wondered how the Patterson’s had found out, “Did someone call you?”

“No.” Emily spoke with a numb voice. Your mom took a step back, understanding that one could only react that way for one thing. Something had happened to the Patterson teenager.

“Luke isn’t here, is he?” Your mom asked, turning to look up at the tall building of the hospital, “Y/N, hasn’t had a phone. She only found out, but Luke hasn’t been with you-“

“The cops came,” Mitch spoke tucking his upset wife into his arms. He was equally as grief-stricken and bitter, but he had to be calm for his wife. They wouldn’t get anywhere if one of them couldn’t get answers.

Your mom gasped, “No.”

“I always knew that band-“Emily’s own sob cut her words off as her knees threatened to buckle. Your mom helped lead Emily into the emergency room before she jogged off to join you but not before turning to the Patterson parents.

“We’ll meet up. Discuss why we’re all here.”

Being told you had cancer and then informed your boyfriend died all in one night was the most painful thing you had to live through. It was weeks of screaming, invasive procedures and therapy sessions. Your father came from his business trip to Dubai as soon as he could and didn’t leave your side.

A painful six months rolled with cancer stealing your hopes and a fucking bad hotdog taking your dreams away. Nothing made you curious. Nothing felt worth living for.

Not the realistic watercolour tattoo your parents let you get of Luke’s blue guitar you loved so much. It seemed to have a terminally sick child made it practically impossible to say no to, so you got a tattoo of your favourite lyrics of Sunset Curve.

In pretty font, it said ‘When all the days felt black and white. Those were the best shades of my life’ just like it said in Now or Never. One of your favourite songs, you got the privilege of watching Luke create.

“Mom, can I have a popsicle?” You asked from your bed. Eyes barely open as she nodded off her chair, “My mouth is dry.”

“Of course.” She nodded, leaving the room with a kiss on your forehead. Both of you mumbling I love you just in case. You felt like your clock was close to the end, so every word had meaning.

It was a good day so far; you hadn’t had to press for more pain medication like the last couple of weeks. You had managed to turn to stare out the window at the pretty sky. Your eyes fluttered shut completely content that this was it.

Your mom returned to a room with doctors and nurses trying to resuscitate you with your father screaming. No one could figure out if it was the cancer or the broken heart syndrome that killed you first. Your death was a double blow to Luke’s parents the most, along with Reggie and Alex’s own parents.

Los Angeles, 2020

So much had changed since you died in 1995. Phones had changed, and buildings were torn down. You changed as well too. In relief physically, you had changed from the gaunt, skinny, pale patient to the girl you had been before the diagnosis.

Your hair now looked as healthy as it had been before you had cancer and you weren’t gaunt looking. You were looked just like you did a few months before you got diagnosed and you hoped so since you were dead. It would have sucked to be dead and beyond ugly.

“Do you think she went on to have a family?”

You kept your attention on the waves crashing the beach content to watch the waves doing the same movement they had since the beginning. You paid no attention to the group walking by. Not until one tripped over you landing in an awkward heap.

“Ouch!” The voice hissed. Your eyes flicked down to Reginald fucking Hastings’s blue eyes in pure shock. You scrambled away from the teenager with a sharp scream that pierced the ghoul group.

“Jesus.” You grumbled pushing the little sand that had stuck somehow to your body made of air.

“Oh my god. I think I just summoned Luke’s girlfriend.” Reggie hissed towards the equally astounded members of former Sunset Curve and current Julie and the Phantoms bandmates.

“No, you idiot we’re dead.” You spoke, taking a deep breath in, “After not seeing you for five years I thought you passed on. I’ve been travelling around America and Canada. Something felt like I needed to come home.”

“When did you die?” Alex questioned sadly when you were quiet. His sad blue eyes unable to leave your expressive face, he hoped somehow you had lived to your 90s and died to come back youthful.

“It’s wasn’t harm-“

“No, Luke. I don’t think I’ll ever positively know what happened, but the night you guys died my life ended as well.” You revealed sitting back, letting the three boys join you for an intriguing story to them. Luke wasn’t hesitant in grasping your hand in his, “Funny enough your bodies were being unloaded in the morgue while I was being told by my Mom, I had cancer. The battle was hard but short.”

“Cancer?”

“Our love story was destined to be tragic, whether it be cancer or a hotdog.” You told the teenage guitarist to experience in the afterlife to be gentle about it. The three boys flinched from the indifference, “Have you visited your parents yet? My parents are home for a few weeks.”

“My neighbourhood was torn down. Alex doesn’t know about his and-“

“-I’ve seen my folks once so far.” Luke finished playing with your fingers, “You say our love story was tragic, I say it would be tragic if we hadn’t had the chance in life that we did.”

You nodded your head, “Where have you guys been?”

All three boys took their chaotic turn in describing their last meal to Reggie tripping over you with the belief of walking through you. They were in a band with a lifer who made them visible to the public when playing music together. You told them that your parents would choose a destination from your dream travel journal; you would follow them on the adventures.

Slowly you met Julie who put up a distance as she acclimated to having the girlfriend of her crush around always. Julie couldn’t help the feeling of jealously when Luke focused on the teen ghost girl. She couldn’t even hate you! You were so lovely and welcoming to the girl with respect for boundaries, in fact, you were exactly the girl she would have been friends with. Julie loved Flynn, but she could be over the top and dramatic sometimes.

“Good rehearsal. I’ll meet you outside.” Luke spoke, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. You nodded before walking through the white, painted barn doors.

Everything put away properly; Luke was quick to meet up with his girlfriend for their date. Alex noticed the stare by Julie. He had seen it for the past few weeks since you were introduced to the passionate musician with a beautiful voice.

“I’m really sorry, Julie.” Alex softly told the sad Puerto Rican girl yearning to hug the teenager but alas his ghostly body couldn’t allow it.

“Did I have an honest chance before she came back?” Julie asked. Her doe brown eyes bringing Reggie’s attention to the conversation at hand.

“No.” Reggie answered this time solemn with his blue eyes holding no mirth or childlike glee, “Luke’s been in love with her for years. She’s his all or nothing.”

“I didn’t have a chance between them, and I don’t want you between them either. It’s not a nice place to be even if I was mutually breaking up with his as well.” Alex soothed the live girl yearning to physically comfort her but alas that damn hotdog ruined everything.

“Luke also said when the first big payment came, he would marry her. He wanted to give her the wedding of her dreams.” Reggie unintentionally rubbed the salt in Julie’s wound on the topic of her tragic love story.

Julie learnt to deal with the pain of seeing Luke, so in love and happier than before you had reconnected. In her fashion, she had hidden a new box for her thoughts that was so well hidden the boys would never find it. It was filled with papers that progressively got less romance angst.

“I’m just saying,” Alex spoke, raising his hands in the air after another one of Luke’s emotional rants on the loss of things in death. Such as marrying you.

“Dude, we’re dead, and our ghost connections happen to either be our band, Willie or a very questionable sketchy vintage magician.” Luke snapped slouching on his couch sulking as you were spending time with your family no matter how oblivious they were to your presence.

“I’m ordained.” Willie supplied sitting next to the blonde drummer who had easily swayed from Caleb to the good side again. At the group’s looks of disbelief, he continued, “I was bored! Took some art classes too. It won’t be the average wedding, but you could still call each other spouse.”

“I can check local clubs for wedding dresses. Flynn can easily put together music and Alex can find a venue.” Julie piped up, avoiding the sympathetic look from Reggie, who still thought the teenager had feelings for his bandmate. She no longer did.

“You can use one of your rings on a chain as well. Maybe hold off on getting a ring until we get money from the band.” Reggie gave his input, earning himself a proud expression from Alex; an expression the drummer rarely was able to give his friend.

“I guess I’m proposing.” Luke beamed already thinking of ways to make his proposal special, not like being ghosts wasn’t already impressive enough.

It wasn’t the ideal wedding, but it honestly didn’t matter as long as the two of you were able to vow yourself to each other. It no longer mattered on the details other than you two.

Tag List (PLEASE SEND AN INBOX TO BE ADDED! I CANNOT GUARANTEE YOU WILL BE ON THE LIST VIA POST COMMENTS!)

@safehavenmuse @siennanoelle01 @whiterose291 @mell-bell @blackhood5sos @ficrecsideblog @ifilwtmfc @deadpoolgirl23 @crappy-unicorn @sunsetcurve-h @elioelioeli0 @lovesanimals @popcrone818 @lolychu @deepsleepnat @tenaciousperfectionunknown @aunicornmademedoit @just-a-writer-here @simp4reggie @parkeret @faithiebrock01 @overlyhypedup @differentsoulrascalsalad @aesthetic-lyss @versaceapa @carleywhittaker @lostgirl219 @itsalexx21 @elllaoo4 @merxxleighann @mediocremunge @fantomlovesjuke4ever @dpaccione @oswin05 @kaylinfayezink @aberette13 @faithie-brock-gillespie01 @eharvey0218 @overlyhypedup @benstormy @auriandthepussicats @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @whothefuckstolemykeds @kcd15 @siriuswvrld @princessvader15 @xoxbloodreinaxox @heimdoodle @joshy-obx @lovesanimals @oopsiedoopsie23 @am3l1a-24 @flying-solo-without-you @jaskiers-sweetkiss @lostrandomfangirln @must-be-a-weasley-92 @jatp-holland @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @dxlanhxlland @dasexydevitt13 @ifilwtmfc @arianagrandes-things @kinda-really-lost @marinettepotterandplagg @ssprayberrythings @morgandamrose @thedarkqueenofavalon @zukoshonourr @crybabyddl @spooky-season-bitch @kcd15 @morganayennefertyrell @magnet-girl @all-in-fangirl @kinda-really-lost @tenaciousperfectionunknown

#luke patterson imagines #julie and the phantoms imagines #luke patterson x reader #charlie gillespie imagines #jatp luke #jatp fanfic #jatp #caitsy and ash productions

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butcharium · 3 years ago

Note

cw medical appointments just in case?

so i finally have my first gyno visit tomorrow and ive cried about it a few times already. ive been putting it off for so long but now that im 22 i cant really stall much longer. so my question is: are there any other butches who struggle with this too? could i get some encouragement please? i know its important to go but everything about it feels horrible

Dear anon, first I want to say that I am very proud of you, and that I am very impressed by your resilience and determination to follow through on this even though it obviously also causes you pain. For you are completely correct, this is not something to stall - our reproductive health is integral to our overall health, body and mind, which is something I've personally felt the consequences of as a woman with pcos (polycystic ovary syndrome). If something should be up, you want to find out as early as possible, and if everything should be fine, it is nice to have this confirmed, and also to see if there's something you can do to prevent future issues.

Going to the gyno is a form of maintenance for your body. One thing which makes me feel really good, is whenever I take care of things around me which I care for. When I polish my boots or my shoes, hem a pair of trousers, or mend a shirt or a pair of lovingly knit wollen socks, I feel good because I've ensured more longevity for something I care about, and I have a better sense of ownership of both the objects and my situation through my own direct action. In turn I feel even more comfortable in myself and my abilities whenever I wear any of these garments. I like to think it's a bit similar with our bodies. Existing in your own body feels better when you make sure to give it basic care - not only through the results of this, but also through the action itself.

Going to the gyno is very much an issue a lot of butches struggle with. I showed your ask to my partner, who very much identifies with your situation, I've also heard similar sentiment from other butches as well. This is however an issue which a lot of women overall struggle with, so I'm then going to hand over a piece of advice which my mother gave me about going to the gyno: if you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to follow through.

As someone with pcos I've had my fair share of different gynos, some better and some worse. What qualified the best is that they made me feel completely safe, and secure that should I feel the slightest discomfort, whether physical or mental, I could bring this up and the procedure would be paused or even abrupted should it be necessary. Any gyno worth their salt should be aware that they perform a procedure which can feel both intimate and invasive for the patient, and take this into consideration. If your gyno doesn't make you feel safe, you can ask to have your appointment rescheduled with someone else.

If it should help you could also bring a person or object for comfort.

My last advice is that knowledge is power. Your appointment is soon so your time is limited, but if you're able to I'd highly recommend you to read up a bit so that you're aware of how the basics of how the female reproductive system works. If you suspect you have a specific issue/condition I'd recommend you to know a bit how this works as well (and ideally how different solutions for it works also). This can make it easier to follow what your doctor can tell you (but also don't hesitate to ask if you need any clarifications!), and if you need treatment for something it can give you a better footing in evaluating different solutions with your gyno or aid you in discussions of what's best for you and your body.

Since it's in English this is not a source I've looked into much, but I've heard even adults recommend scarleteen.com - they don't use too clinical language so it is a bit more accessible (but if you have another language make sure you know the terminology in the language you'll use with your gyno).

Here is a bit of a general one: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/innies_outies_the_vagina_clitoris_uterus_and_more

And here's on endometriosis if that's necessary:

https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies_disability_sexual_health/pelvis_problems_endometriosis

(you can of course find info elsewhere as well)

Know that I cheer you on and support you, and that I know you can do this!!!

#also if you read this and have been stalling a gynos appointment this is your sign to book that appointment!#Asks #Anon #Butch #Health

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heliads · 4 years ago

Text

Can’t Leave

Y/N is a HYDRA scientist. Pietro Maximoff is her latest patient. Will Y/N be able to keep Pietro safe in the HYDRA base, even when her own life is in danger?

masterlist

You stare at the ceiling, exhaling softly. Machines beep and whir behind you, and you try to remember everything you were supposed to do before the soldiers arrived. Have needles ready for blood transfusions, check. Make sure the x-ray scanners are functioning, check. Have all the necessary documents and paperwork that are scattered about your desk, check. This is the life of a HYDRA scientist- procedure after procedure.

You weren’t always like this, someone wishing fervently that the end of the day would come so they could block out everything that had just happened from their mind. When things had gotten bad all those years ago, HYDRA had come knocking and you had, unfortunately, answered them. It wasn’t entirely your fault- you needed a way to support your family and HYDRA needed a new scientist. The deal could practically sell itself. It doesn’t matter that you were forced to take part in procedures that weren’t exactly up to the proper ethical standards, or that although the job was advertised as ordinary you knew you would be killed the second you put up your two weeks’ notice. HYDRA was your life now, and you would do well to stand by it.

A knock at the door distracts you from your gloomy thoughts. “Come in.” You call, and the soldiers you’ve been expecting march in, dragging with them one unconscious man. He appears to be about your age, and he’s clearly been drugged so he would be easier to transport. The soldiers strap the man into a hospital bed and then march out just as quickly, leaving behind a few men as guards in case this particular patient tried anything too risky.

You prepare a few sensors and apply them along the man’s arms and legs, then turn to a nearby screen. As the man begins to stir and wake, you study his vital signs. All seems well, except for the fact that his heart is beating far faster than any normal human man. This is to be expected- Pietro Maximoff has been given superhuman abilities, and so he will behave as superhumans do.

The man is fully awake now, and watches you with furtive eyes as you ignore him in favor of studying the readouts in front of you. You prepare a needle, then turn to him. “This is a penicillin shot. It will help with your recovery.” The man looks at you in confusion. “You know, for a HYDRA doctor you seem less crazy than the others. Are you actually a doctor or have they brought in a nurse to placate me and make it seem like HYDRA’s doing the right thing?”

One of the guards struts over to Pietro and glares down at him. “I would advise you to hold your tongue, Maximoff. Remember that you signed up for this.” Pietro returns the glare. “I remember that I was a little forced for a volunteer. Tell me, are all your human test subjects kidnapped or are you just low on new victims.” The guard draws his fist back to strike Pietro, but you fling out a hand to stop him.

“Corporal! The goal is to check on his vitals, not try to damage him. Please return to your post by the door.” The guard looks at you with blank eyes. “He insulted you as well as HYDRA. He deserves punishment.” You shake your head calmly. “The procedures you’ve asked me to run do not involve the protection of my ego. They should not involve yours either.” The guard gives Pietro one last icy look, then storms off to stand beside the other guard on the far side of the room.

Pietro looks up at you in bewilderment, then speaks softly. “Why did you do that?” You glance over at him bemusedly. “Do what?” Pietro looks back at the guard, making sure he can’t be heard. “Why did you stop him? No other doctors would have intervened, no matter how healthy they were supposed to be keeping me.” You laugh softly. “I may work for HYDRA, but I’m not completely a monster. I didn’t want to see you get beaten when you were literally tied down.”

Over the next few days, you continue to check in on Pietro. You run his vitals, you give him necessary injections to make sure the newly given powers won’t kill him, and you find time to have conversations with him. You’re not quite sure why you’re so drawn to this metahuman, but the look in his eyes when he sees you is enough to make you realize that he depends on you not only for physical strength, but to make sure he has one bright light in his otherwise dark existence.

A few weeks after the final procedures have taken place, it’s time to start testing what he can do. Pietro refuses to work with any doctors other than you, saying that it’s because the others were more interested in their own gain than actually trying to help him. The HYDRA higher-ups bought it, but you know that in reality, Pietro wants to make sure he uses his powers in front of someone who won’t torture him if he doesn’t do exactly what is wanted of him.

One day, though, he comes into your training session with a wretched look on his face. You walk over to him quickly. “What’s wrong?” Pietro just sighs disgustedly. “All these chemicals they’re forcing into me- they’re not just affecting my mind, now they’re affecting my body, too.” You look at him closer, and realize that he does not look well. He has dark circles under his eyes, his skin looks pale and waxy, and his hair is turning a bleached white.

You frown at him sadly. “I’m sorry about that. I’ll see if there’s any way I can reduce the medications or something to stop that from happening.” You look back at him, a smile starting to form across your lips. “I do like the new look, though. Blond suits you.” He laughs at that. “Good to know.”

Sooner than you’d like, you get a tip-off from a commander that the Maximoff twins will be pulled to take part in some mission, and they won’t be back for a while. You do your best to finish Pietro’s training, making sure that he’ll be able to defend himself if necessary. You hope against hope that he won’t see danger, that he’ll come back to you unharmed.

You shake your head confusedly. Why are you so worried about Pietro? He’s certainly not the first patient you’ve had, nor the first one you’ve been so deeply involved with. What is it about the light-haired man that makes you so captivated by him?

Pietro finds you the second he hears about his upcoming assignment. He says it’s just to make sure that everything is in order and there’s no worry of his organs shutting down or something, but you know why he’s there the second the doors close behind him.

“There’s no chance that I’m ever coming back. You know that- you have to request to be transferred to that base! If you find a way to make it there, at least I know you won’t be gone forever. You know what happens to metahumans on the missions as well as I do- if they ever come back, it’ll be after years. I need you to come.”

You sigh sadly. “Me transferring to that Sokovian base? Pietro, that’s out of the question. I can’t even request what floor of this complex to work in, let alone what base or what country. I appreciate your concern, but I’m afraid you’ll have to go by yourself. At least you’ll have Wanda there, right?” Pietro looks frustrated. “If you stay here by yourself, I won’t be able to protect you, from invasion or HYDRA soldiers alike. If you come with me, I know you’ll be safe.”

You can’t help but laugh at that. “You protecting me? Pietro, are you listening to yourself? When they say you and your sister are the first of the metahuman soldiers, they mean the first to survive the procedures, not the first attempts. I have been saving your life since day one, even if you didn’t realize it. If I go with you, I endanger you because HYDRA will realize that you’re important to me and they’ll find some way to punish you for it.”

Pietro scoffs. “That’s right- don’t want to upset HYDRA. Will your job be on the line?” You look at him with an icy glare. “You think I wanted any of this- that I could just walk out at any time? When I first ‘joined’, my family was on the brink of starvation. If I wanted to save their lives, I had to take HYDRA up. Also, it wasn’t exactly my choice- you tell me whether threats at gunpoint sounds like a comfortable interview to you. I can’t leave this life, no matter what.”

Your tone takes a softer tone. “But you can. When you’re out there, in the base, you’ll probably have fewer guards. Promise me that you’ll try to find a way out. Whatever they’re going to ask you to do, you don’t want to do it. I can guarantee you that.” Pietro takes your hands and pulls you close to him. “I can’t leave you, Y/N.” You look at him, enjoying your last few moments with the man you’ve grown to love. “You have to. Promise me you’ll try to escape?” Pietro sighs, then presses a kiss to the top of your forehead. “I promise.”

After the Maximoff twins are shipped off to the HYDRA research base in Sokovia, you don’t hear anything about them for weeks. You’re given a new project, but somehow you can’t find the energy to be as involved with it as before. When you finally hear that the twins won’t be coming back, you’re not sure whether to be relieved or nervous. Are they safe, or were they discovered? Have they escaped HYDRA’s chains, or were they caught in the act and killed?

Every now and then, you find yourself trapped in a dream. It’s not quite a nightmare, just scraps of memories plucked from your mind and dragged in front of you. You can see yourself working with Pietro, laughing excitedly over his new powers. When you wake up, you can still feel the smile on your lips from that day all that time ago.

You push the thoughts from your head, forcing yourself to get up and get on with the day. Those times are over, and they won’t be coming back. Just as you’re about to head out to the HYDRA labs, you hear a knock on the door. Confused, you go to answer it, and are stunned when you see the blond man waiting for you. “Pietro?”

He casually saunters in. “Miss me?” You laugh and throw your arms around him. “Are you really here?” He looks at you with a smirk. “I got some good advice that I should try and find new job opportunities outside of HYDRA. I’ve come to offer you something like that.” You meet Pietro’s eyes, surprised. “What are you talking about?” His grin could outshine the sun. “There’s a little place I found in the outskirts of Sokovia, somewhere HYDRA won’t be able to find us. I think it’ll work perfectly. All I have to do is one more job for this robot guy, and we’ll be able to live our lives just as we want to.” You beam at him. “Sounds perfect.”

#pietro maximoff #pietro maximoff imagine #pietro maximoff x reader #pietro maximoff imagines #quicksilver #quicksilver imagine #quicksilver x reader #quicksilver imagines #avengers #avengers imagine #avengers x reader #avengers imagines #age of ultron

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