#and the more attention you pay to her dialogue the worse it gets

[sayakxmi]

The interesting thing about it is that at the first glance it really seems like Kankri’s losing it over nothing. Which, to be fair, he kind of is. Porrim was just being nice to Karkat. But his reaction becomes... actually understandable, given later on we find out that Porrim has no respect for Kankri’s personal boundaries, like trying to touch him, which is the only real instance of us seeing Kankri lose his composure.

And of course the nickname thing, as well as the sweater thing.

And then acts pale toward him at the first opportunity:

An idea he finds uncomfortable. Like any other potential romantic relationship with her.

So while he is overreacting in that one conversation with Karkat present, he’s also doing this, because Porrim apparently never took his “no” for an answer, so he clearly has to repeat himself over and over again.

[picturejasper20]

So, about that scene at the end of the episode with Dev getting angry with Hazel and Peri.

Dev finds out that his father Dale has barely been paying attention to him at all, as he almost never sees him, because Dale has been studying Hazel and trying to find out why the Lost and Founder's festival went wrong. He gets very emotionally devastated by this, seeing that his father has been paying more attention to his friend than him.

He points out that Dale has been studying Cosmo and Wanda yet he can't seem to notice that Dev has his own fairy under the same roof. As the dialogue continues you can feel the jealousy and bitterness from Dev, getting more and more angry as he speaks.

Hazel tries reasoning with Dev and explain to him that Dale is the one that has been doing all this. In the middle of the conversation she accidentally confesses that she made a wish to understand Dev better in ¨A New Dev-elopment¨ but doesn't explain herself well and Dev misunderstands the situation, thinking that Hazel has been faking being his friend all this time.

In this scene Dev is very confused and upset, he seems to be having what would be close to a trauma response and ends up closing himself off. He says that ¨Dimmadones don't make friends¨ (probably something that Dale taught him) and his trust issues get the worse of him, telling Hazel that he can't trust her and insulting her. Hazel leaves sadly, wishing Dev a happy birthday and goes with Cosmo and Wanda.

Later Peri tries cheering Dev up, he asks for the kid if he wants to wish for something, which leads to Dev to cry and lash out at Peri. He gets angry at Peri for not being there when he needed his help earlier when Vicky was making them all miserable and probably for not telling him about this room where Dale has been all this time. He wishes for Peri to leave him alone and Peri, confused and sad, makes the wish, disappearing from Dev's view.

This makes Dev explode and cry as he leaves marks all over Dale's computer, crossing out anything that is related to fairies and Hazel. He stops for a moment to observe the mess he left on the screen and then leaves the room to what would be cry in his room.

The last moment gives the idea that Dev seems to hate anything related to fairies and Hazel now, as he blames them for ¨stealing¨ his father's affection from him. The problem is that he still doesn't fully realize that Dale wouldn't care about him even if he wasn't busy studying Hazel and the fairies magic. But he believes this is all Hazel and her fairies' fault regardless.

What we see here is Dev having what would be his response to how he deals with his own abandonment issues, which is pushing others away when he gets hurt by something or someone. We have seen him have similar reactions before but, in this episode, it is where this reveal really got the worst of him and now he finds himself alone again like he was at the start of the season, along with an huge hate for Hazel and fairies as a whole.

Some have been theorizing that Dev; now being a vunerable position he is angry, confused and, on top of that, isolated again; could be easily manipulated by an anti-fairy in the upcoming episodes and used for evil plans.

[xxselenite]

˖ ࣪⭑ All the things yet to come are the things that have passed | Jacaerys x reader

modern!Jacaerys Velaryon x gn!reader [no use of y/n] Word count: 9.8k Summary: Jace had been your rival at school for more than one year when your literature teacher paired you up for an assignment and you realised you might have misjudged him (featuring Helaena being an icon) Or Five times Jacaerys proved you wrong – and one time you did. Warning: a teeny tiny bit of angst, but it’s mostly fluff, the tiniest allusion to smut ever a/n: This is technically a prequel to Happens Great, Happens Sweet but it can be read as a standalone. I’m a sucker for academic rivals to lovers so I had to write this. This fic actually drove me crazy, I struggled so much writing it, it took me nearly a week, but I’m kinda satisfied with it. The title is from Wasteland, Baby! by Hozier (Hozier my beloved <3) Lastly, English isn’t my first language so I apologise in advance for any possible grammatical and/or lexical mistake. feedback is welcome and appreciated <3 (images are taken from pinterest)

I.

“For this analysis,” the teacher started, “you will be in duos. Each group will have a different extract from a different book to work on, and you will then present your work in front of the class.”

You immediately turned towards Helaena who sat beside you with a wide smile on your face. You saw a glimmer of joy in her eyes, matching your excitement to have the occasion to work together, but the teacher interrupted you before you could ask her to pair up with you.

“My goal here is for you to see that analysis is incredibly personal, but also to teach you how to cooperate. For this reason, I have already established the pairs that will work together.”

Several sighs and moans echoed in the room and you reported your attention on your teacher again. Mrs River, your English teacher, had made it clear since the first day that this class would be different from the others. She encouraged dialogues and debates, creative writing and personal analysis in papers. She made brutal comments but graded nicely, and you could feel how much you had improved at her contact, but moments like this made you question your admiration towards her.

As she started naming students, you tried to find a pattern in the duos she had formed. It was obvious that she wanted to avoid putting friends together, and you thought that she would put a good student with one that struggled more, but it was not done consistently. You mentally erred in your mind the names that had already been said, groaning when she put Helaena with Cregan.

“We’ll work together another time,” your best friend whispered and squeezed your hand in a comforting manner.

After a little while, Mrs River’s piercing gaze fell on you as she called your name and you listened with apprehension.

“You will work with Jacaerys Velaryon on the opening chapter of the Bell Jar, from the first line to…”

Your jaw dropped as you stopped listening. You had to be cursed, or paying for the evil deeds you had committed in another life, or the Seven were angry at you, because this could not have gone worse. You would have rather worked with anyone but Jacaerys Velaryon, the guy with whom you were always neck to neck to be on top of the class, who was half of the reasons you worked so hard – just so you could display a smug smile whenever you beat him on an assignment. The guy you had a distaste for and…

“He hates me,” you told Helaena during lunch break, hiding your face in your hands. “This is going to be a nightmare. Don’t you want to exchange? I can work with Cregan and I’m sure you’ll get along with Jacaerys very well.”

Your friend tilted her head to the side, mindlessly chewing on a weird orange vegetable that was supposed to be a carrot.

“I think I was not paired with him because I’m his cousin.”

“You’re his what now?” You dropped your fork.

“His cousin,” she said in a monotonous voice. “Well, technically his aunt but our family is weird and we’re the same age so…”

“You’re Jacaerys’s cousin and you have not told me before? While I’ve been criticising him since last year?”

The girl shrugged, her white hair falling from her shoulder like a waterfall of liquid silver.

“Didn’t think it’d matter. You’re more than allowed to dislike my family, and he’s part of my extended family anyway.”

“Great,” you said ironically, pushing your plate away from you – you were convinced today’s food was made out of radioactive wastes. “So now I’m stuck working with a guy who I hate, who hates me, and I’m gonna feel bad every time I complain about him.”

“What makes you think he hates you anyway?” Helaena asked. “He didn’t seem that upset to be paired up with you in class.”

You hated to admit it, but your best friend had a point. Earlier in class after shooting her a look that meant “help me,” you had turned around to face your foe and now partner, only to realise he was already looking at you. If his face did not show any joy, he was not as pissed off as you were – surprised and apprehensive were better words to qualify his expression.

You started thinking at the last time he had clearly displayed hatred towards you, struggling to find any substantial proof that was not a highly interpreted interaction. Chewing on your lip, you felt increasingly ridiculous under your friend’s scrutinising glance until something came to your mind.

“Last year I was reading before the class started and I overheard him talk to his friends – or maybe they form some sort of royal court around him actually – and I distinctly remember hearing him call me a goodie-two-shoes. Maybe that’s not hatred, but that’s not a sign of love either.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “I’m not a goodie-two-shoes, it’s not my fault he never saw me having fun because I don’t go parties. And there’s nothing wrong with being a goodie-two-shoes anyway!”

“Alright,” Helaena interrupted you. “I think I get the picture. Listen, I’m really sorry you’re not with someone you wanted to work with and I’d go to Mrs River to ask if we can swap partners in a heartbeat, but we both know it’d be useless. She never does anything without a specific purpose in mind. Maybe she put you together because you’re the two best students in her class?”

“I can sense you want to add something.”

Helaena twirled a strand of hair around her finger.

“I think she’s perfectly aware of the rivalry going between you two and wants to instrumentalise it.”

“What do you mean?” You asked, as your best friend had piqued your curiosity.

“Either she thinks you two collaborating means you’re both gonna try to do better than the other and push each other to be the best, or she thinks that it will appease the tension so the atmosphere isn’t electric every time there is a debate in class.”

“It’s not electric-.”

Helaena interrupted you, saying your name with a sigh. “Please, you know I love you, but you have to face the truth. I thought you were going to throw hands last time.”

“It’s not my fault! He said that Eros and Psyche were the best Greek love story when it’s obviously Orpheus and Eurydice!”

Your best friend snorted. “I shouldn’t have gotten you started on that, now you’re gonna tell me about the entire myth again. Seriously, how did you both manage to talk about mythology when the initial subject was about King Lear?”

You let out a loud sigh. “And what if he just refuses to work with me, keeps his analysis to himself until the presentation, and makes me look stupid because my analysis is different?”

Helaena offered you a reassuring smile. “He won’t do that. You know why?” You shook your head. “Because he cares way too much about his grades to sabotage your work like that.” You kept quiet for a second to let this idea sink in. “Oh by the way, can I get your carrots if you don’t eat them?”

You sighed and handed your plate to your friend with one hand, grabbing your backpack with the other to find a snack. You struggled rummaging through your stuff, the pens wandering outside of the pencil case, the crumpled sheets of paper – you were organised for many things, but not this one… Once you finally reached a chocolate bar, you jerked it out with so much energy one of your pens got thrown onto the floor.

You were about to stand up and grab it quickly before some stupid student made fun of you, but your eyes fixed on the floor failed to notice someone approaching until you saw a hand grab your pen and hand it to you. Your eyes followed the silhouette until you recognised Jace’s brown curls and the smile on his face – though you were surprised to realise that this was not the huge smirk he’d have when his grade was better than yours, this one seemed almost sincere. This made you all the more suspicious.

“Thanks,” you said reluctantly as you grabbed your pen. You expected him to leave but he did not move, towering over you in a way that made your stomach twist.

“So, when are you free?” Your brain froze for a second and he felt the need to explain himself. “To study. Unless you want to let me do everything, you’d have the best grade for sure.”

There he was again, the arrogant Jacaerys you were used to seeing. You crossed your arms over your chest.

“No way, I can’t trust a guy to analyse Sylvia Plath.”

To your surprise, Jace let out a chuckle – that was the first time you heard him laugh and as much as you hated admitting it, it was the kind of sound you could not tire of.

“Fair enough,” he admitted. “Could we start working on it after sports class? In the library? It should be almost empty so we won’t be bothered.”

You nodded. “Sure, works for me.”

Jace smiled again. “See you later then,” he said in a joyous tone before returning to his friends. You watched him go for a second. You had not had an interaction this long with him in ages, if it had ever happened at all, and it had gone better than you expected. You observed the way he jokes with his friends, he now seemed a little less arrogant than you thought. Maybe he took your rivalry as a joke while you took it seriously (which was everything but reassuring, did that mean he thought you weren’t a threat?)

“Well,” Heleana’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts, “he doesn’t seem to hate you.”

You shrugged in a way you hoped was casual and your friend squinted her eyes.

“Do you know what’s curious?” She added, “I think you don’t hate him either.”

II.

One thing that had always annoyed you about Jace was how effortless he always was. He came to every test with unmatched confidence while you had been re-reading your notes compulsively for two hours. He won a match in sports class and still looked fresh as a breeze while you were sweating and panting. It was like you had to make ten times more effort to be at his level, and this made your blood boil.

This was one of your most common points whenever you started complaining about him to Helaena – which you did not do that often, despite having the impression he was always on your mind. That evening, however, as you were getting ready after sports class, you started rambling about your upcoming meeting in the library.

“And it’s so annoying! But you know what?” You asked after reapplying lip gloss. “At least I’ll see that he’s not a hard worker. It will make all of the times I beat him even more satisfying.”

Your best friend hummed distractedly.

“Do you genuinely believe that,” she asked after a little while, “or are you trying to convince yourself?”

You opened your mouth to say something witty but remained speechless in front of her. The girl kept going, unfazed by your reaction.

“Oh, I have to hurry, Aemond is waiting for me to go home. You should probably go at your rendez-vous as well.”

“It’s not a rendez-vous-”

“See you tomorrow !” She sang as she walked away, waving goodbye, her long hair floating behind her.

You grabbed your bag and contemplated the idea your friend had planted in your brain. Were you being unfair to Jace? Was being a good student his only crime, or was he willingly trying to drive you crazy with this tacit competition? You shook your head to stop your train of thoughts and started going towards the library – Jace was probably waiting for you, and you did not want to be late and offer him an opportunity to mock you forever.

Jace was indeed waiting when you entered the library. The late afternoon light bathed the room into a golden atmosphere which made it feel almost magical. You quickly scanned the room and noticed Jace sitting in a corner, typing something on his laptop with a small frown revealing his focus.

You took a deep breath and walked towards him, settling on the other side of the table.

“I hope you didn’t wait for too long,” you started, realising mid-way through the sentence that you actually meant it.

“No problems,” he shook his head. “I’ve just re-read the extract we have to work on, I have a few ideas here and there but I don’t want to make you feel like I forced my analysis upon you.”

“Oh,” you tilted your head to the side, “thank you for that. I’ve thought about the text during class this afternoon and there are a few elements I think we could use.”

“You didn’t have to read the text before?”

You shrugged, feeling a pinch of pride when you noticed the surprise in his eyes.

“I’m gonna read it now, but I have it in mind. ‘It was a queer, sultry summer,’ and all that jazz…”

“Impressive,” he nodded. “So, how do you want to organise the work?”

“I don’t know…” You said slowly, intimidated by the weight of his gaze. You thought it would be harsh, but the curiosity in his eyes was even heavier. If he was rude, you could be a bitch towards him – if he was nice, you had no choice but to match him. “We could both work on our own for a little while and then brainstorm? This way we can come up with different ideas and do the whole ‘cooperating’ part?”

Jace nodded and focused on his computer again while you grabbed your edition of the book – you had rushed home to grab it during your free hour this afternoon – and your pencil case. When you started highlighting your page, you noticed Jace’s widened eyes and chuckled.

“Are you okay?”

“You’re highlighting directly on your book?” He asked and you probed his tone for any trace of sarcasm but found none.

“If I’m studying a book, yes, but I try to be careful. Also, you will never catch me annotating my fancy books.”

“Ooooh, fancy books,” he smiled. “I’d ask you more about it, but we need to get working.”

“Maybe another time?” You asked and Jace nodded before diving into his analysis. Turns out, being nice to him did not require that much effort.

You both kept working for half an hour before you yawned and stretched, catching Jace’s attention.

“You’re done?” He asked and you nodded in response. You turned your book towards Jace who squinted to decipher your hand-writing. After a few seconds, he asked:

“Do you mind if I sit next to you? It’s gonna be more practical.”

“Sure, no problems,” you cleared your side of the table to make space for him.

As he moved next to you, his arm brushed against yours and you quickly removed it, cheeks on fire. The subtle smell of his Cologne lingered around, creating a comfortable and intimate space around you. You took a deep breath to calm yourself down and started comparing your annotations to Jace's.

You hated to admit it, but he had done a great job. His own perception of the extract complemented yours more than it contradicted it, and to your own surprise, you thoroughly enjoyed this exchange. At one point, Jacaerys leaned a little closer to read one of your notes, only to give up and ask you to read it for him.

“Which word?” You stuttered, a bit flustered by the sudden proximity. He was close, close enough for you to notice the freckles on his face – had they always been there? – and it took a second for you to react after he showed you the sentence. “Oh, it’s just that the verb ‘bump’ objectifies her in a way, which echoes her condition as a woman in the fifties, but this also renders an impression of passivity which would fit her dissociated state.”

The boy nodded and promptly added it to his Google doc. “That’s a good idea. Thank you for reading, I couldn’t decipher anything.”

“Do I write this badly?” You said with the sass you usually tried to have when interacting with him. You expected him to answer in the same tone, but he shook his head.

“It’s just that I have this bad tendency not to wear my glasses.”

“Wait, you’re supposed to have glasses?”

The boy looked away. “Proving my point.”

“I’m not gonna ask you why you don’t wear them, it’s none of my business, but don’t you use contact lenses? Do you spend your days behind partially blind?”

“I don’t really like the feeling of lenses,” he admitted. “Honestly, you get used to not seeing a thing.”

You nodded when a realisation hit you. Was this the reason why he always seemed to be glaring at you with squinted eyes? Had you been taking this as a sign of aggression for more than a year when it was just because he couldn’t see properly? You were too shy to ask, not to mention you would probably sound ridiculous and did not want to alter the temporary sympathy that had settled between the two of you, but this single revelation forced you to reconsider your past interactions with the boy.

You kept working a bit distractively, seeing Jacaerys with a fresh perspective and finally admitting to yourself that he was quite handsome. When you both ran out of ideas, your partner closed his laptop and you put your book and pencils back in your bag.

“I think we’re done for today,” he declared.

“Yes, I have lost all of my remaining brain cells,” you joked and took pride in Jace’s chuckle. “Tomorrow same time?”

Jace thought for a second and nodded. “Should be good for me.” You stood up to leave but his hand on your wrist held you back as he said “Wait.” This simple contact sent shivers down your spine. His hand was warm, surprisingly soft, not applying any pressure – not an order, just a suggestion.

You turned around to look at him, hoping you did not look too dazed.

“Maybe we should exchange our numbers,” he started. Your eyes must have widened without you realising because he immediately added, “So we’ll communicate more efficiently.”

“Yes,” you echoed, “communicate more efficiently. That’s what Mrs River wants us to do.”

You gave him your number and he dropped your hand to write it down, leaving your hand suddenly cold, colder than it should be on a mild October day. After this and some more casual small talk, you left the library, feeling the weight of his gaze on your back.

Later during that evening, when you were lying on your bed rehashing your afternoon, you got a call from Helaena.

“I wanted to know how it went,” she explained when you answered.

You started debriefing your time with Jacaerys, trying to be as honest as possible. Your best friend listened with great attention, humming sometimes on the other side of the line to let you know she was still there. When you finished your account, she remained quiet for a moment, until you softly called her name – perhaps she had fallen asleep?

Wrong. She was well awake and asked you out of the blue:

“Do you like him?”

“What?” You squeaked. “What do you, he’s been nice for one evening but we’ve spent a year as rivals!” You carefully avoid mentioning your growing suspicion that this rivalry was one-sided. “And I barely know him anyway.”

“There’s a thin line between love and hate,” she ominously answered and you groaned into your pillow. “Well, even if you never become best of friends,” she kept going, “at least he did his work.”

“It’s not like we had a ton of work to do,” you rolled your eyes. Right after finishing your sentence, you felt assailed by guilt. Why did you feel such a need to criticise him when he had been polite, if not friendly towards you?

“Sure,” Helaena sighed on the other line. “You’re funny when you’re like that.”

“Like what?”

“Nothing. Oh, Mom is calling me, see you tomorrow!” Your best friend hung up so fast you doubted her mother said anything.

You sat up, considering what you were about to do next when a notification caught your attention. You had received a text from an unknown number. You unlocked your phone to delete it without thinking, expecting another scam, but your brain realised at the very last second that this might be relevant.

[unknown number] Hey, it’s Jacaerys, I hope you got home safe. I’m sending you the link to my google doc, I wrote down all of our ideas and I’ve started organising it a bit. I also threw a few possible theses, feel free to add other ideas! See you tomorrow!

You clicked on the link and gasped when you saw the fantastic work he had done. It was all neat, easy to understand, and his possible lines of argument were more than relevant. You hastened to answer.

[You] Wow, this is amazing, thank you so much for this work, how long did it take you? I don’t want to give the impression I’m slacking off. It’s really really great! See you tomorrow!

[Jacaerys] Thank you, it didn’t take me that long and don’t worry, if there’s one person I wouldn’t think slacks off, it’d be you

[You] Thanks again Jacaerys!

[Jacaerys] Come on, you can call me Jace

III.

You arrived at the library slightly before the time you and Jace had agreed on. The rain was pouring against the windows forming a soothing melody and the dark sky created a sombre, tense atmosphere which delighted you. You thought you’d have the opportunity to pick a table near the windows, yet you heard someone call your name softly. Turning around, you saw Jace waving in a more secluded part of the room.

You rolled your eyes and walked towards him. You were early and yet he was already there, leading you to seriously think he only cared about school. Perhaps he was the ghost of a student condemned to haunt the hallways forever, sometimes finding a victim to bother with his excellent grades and beautiful smile. At least that’d explain his work ethic and general knowledge, much easier to acquire after spending years in school.

He removed his bag from the chair next to him to invite you to sit there and you tried to ignore your increasing heartbeat as you settled down.

“How are you?” He asked after greeting you.

“Just another day,” you answered. “And you?”

After a brief small talk, you went back to your analysis. Your goal today was to define your line of argument and your thesis, after which you could both pick which parts to write and explain in front of the class. As you expected, the kind of intellectual chemistry that you had discovered yesterday was still there to the point your conversation digressed several times.

Nevertheless, you managed to work efficiently until the screen of Jace’s phone lit up.

“Wait I have a call, I’ll be right back,” he whispered. You gave him a thumbs up to let him know it was fine and he left the room taking long strides. You used this break to stretch and then decided to update Jace’s not on his computer, in return for the unexpected work he had done the day before. Without thinking, you went to the bottom of the page and added a small note.

“I’m starting to think that people are right when they say great minds think alike ;)”

You had barely finished typing that Jace entered the room again, and you hastily moved back to the top of the page. You felt a little silly, behaving like a teenage girl; fiddling with your hair trying to look as innocent as possible. By good luck, Jace did not notice your suspicious attitude and just shot you an apologetic look.

“I’m really sorry but I have to go early,” he explained. “My step-sister was supposed to bring our little brother home from daycare but she doesn’t have a car and it’s raining too hard for her to walk him home, so I’m gonna pick him up.”

“It’s okay,” you reassured him. “I think we’re good to go anyway, and we can text if we have another idea. I’m gonna walk home as well.”

You started putting your stuff away but interrupted your action when you felt Jace’s stare. You raised your head, tilting it in a silent interrogation.

“You’re gonna walk under this torrential rain?”

You chuckled. “It’s fine Jace, I have my umbrella.”

The boy shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest in a way that made it hard not to look at his muscles beneath his shirt. “I can give you a ride.”

“It’s okay, really-”

“What if you catch pneumonia and miss the presentation?”

You looked at the boy, astounded, before sighing. Of course, he was motivated by school. How dare you believe – or rather hope – that he had your best interest in mind.

“Nothing I can say will change your mind…” You guessed.

“How clever. Just tell me where I can drop you.”

As you sat inside his car, you tried to swallow your bitterness. Even if his action was not selfless, you were still grateful he had made that offer. You had to walk for at least twenty minutes to get home, and your old umbrella would not have been a great help against the gusts of wind that flooded the pavement.

As you buckled up, you tried to initiate a conversation that was unrelated to your assignment, the silence too awkward for you to sit in.

“So…” you started, “I didn’t know you had siblings.”

Jace chuckled. “My family’s a little messy.”

“Really?” You turned your head to look at him and found yourself in awe of his side profile. He must have felt your gaze because he quickly glanced at you and you looked away, cheeks heating up, like a toddler caught red-handed.

“My mother had me and my two younger brothers, and then she married my step-father who already had two daughters, and together they had two more boys.”

“Wow,” was all you found to say at the moment. “That’s a lot. I guess it means the house is never quiet.”

“You can say that, yes.” He hesitated. “I love them all, really, they’re great, but sometimes it gets…”

“Overwhelming?”

“A bit.” He nodded. “And it comes with a lot of unexpected events, like this one.”

“It’s still sweet,” you commented, “that you did not hesitate a second.”

Jace chuckled. “I was not gonna let Rhaena get drenched or Aegon wait in daycare.”

“Some would have.”

Jace opened his mouth to say something, sighed, and closed his mouth, which amused you.

“What were you going to say?” You asked.

The boy shot you a surprised look.

“I really have to be careful, you’re observant.” Your eyes fell to your lap and you bit your lip. “But I was just gonna argue that my attitude should be the standard, though you complimenting me is such a rare event, I changed my mind.”

You snorted. “Now you’re gonna make me feel bad.” You left a pause. “If you’re so desperate for praise, then listen: I frankly admire how you seem to care about your family and still find the time to be on top of almost all of our classes. Almost.”

You saw a lopsided smile appear on his face and smirked.

“Almost, yes, I get it,” he answered. “I still have to beat you in history, but I promise my next essay will blow the teacher’s mind.” You both laughed. “You’re right though, I’m busy. I try to spend time with my siblings – partly to alleviate a bit my mom and step-father work, but I also want to hang out with my friends and everything.”

You groaned. “How do you juggle with all of this? You must have a secret. Can you freeze time of something?”

“Trust me I wish. And you, do you have any siblings?”

The conversation kept going and you felt increasingly relaxed. His car was comfortable, the sound of the rain was lulling you, and Jace turned out to be a conversationalist. He asked questions with a genuine interest and his own anecdotes were memorable. You felt like you knew him better after this fifteen minutes drive than after a year and a half in the same class. When you reached your house, you regretted living so close from your school. You did not want the discussion to end and would have done anything to stay a little longer.

You opened the door, the cool air outside slapping your face, harsh contrast with the warmth that had settled in the vehicle.

“Thanks again,” you smiled and Jace smiled in return, this simple thing brightening up the passenger compartment.

“No problems. It was nice chatting with you.”

“It was.” You kept looking into each other’s eyes for a few seconds before snapping out of your trance. “You should not keep your brother waiting for any longer.”

“You’re right.”

You closed the door and ran towards the porch of the house, carefully avoiding falling onto the slippery pavement. Once sheltered, you turned towards the road and waved at Jace who waved back before starting the car again. You watched the vehicle disappear in the fog that had fallen on the city.

You remained distracted for the whole evening, listening absentmindedly to your family during dinner, but it was only when your back hit your bed that you realised you were looking forward to your next work session with Jace.

IV.

You took a deep breath and read your notes yet another time.

“I’m starting to think my part is terrible.” You moaned. “I’m dragging your work down.”

Jacaerys, sat next to you in the library, whispered your name.

“You’re fine,” he told you. “Really, I’ve read your part, you’ve read mine, we both did a great job and we’re gonna earn a great grade.”

You sighed. “How do you know?”

“Because,” Jace closed his laptop, “I see you freak out in the hallway before every exam, and yet you always get good grades.”

You gave him a soft smile, touched by his attempt at comforting you, but this smile faltered when you realised what he had implied.

“Wait, how often are you observing me for you to say that?”

“You’re pacing back and forth, it’s hard not to notice you,” he answered quickly, on the defensive, and with a confidence that did not manage to hide the blush that was spreading across his face.

You held his gaze back for a second, feeling irresistibly drawn to him. He was close, close enough for you to admire the details of his face, his long lashes, his freckles, all of the small features you had failed to notice for so long. He was staring back, a glimmer in his eyes that you couldn’t quite decipher but that made your heart do a somersault, and for a second you thought that perhaps something could happen when someone dropped a book in the library and you jerked away from him.

“I,” you stuttered. “I need to use the bathroom. I don’t want to be bothered during our presentation.”

Jace squinted, frowned for a second, and nodded. “Sure, no problems.”

You almost ran outside of the room, feeling your cheeks growing hot. The stress was driving you crazy, making you act in a way that was not who you were supposed to be. Sure, Jace had been nice to you for a week. He was funny and seemed to be a good person. And he was incredibly handsome, of course. But since when were your standards so low that you had a crush on a guy just for those reasons?

You opened the door of the bathroom which was empty for once. You didn’t even need to use it, but you could use a little calm. There was something about the buzzing of the neon lights that was strangely soothing. You splashed some cold water on your face, feeling your heartbeat calm down, but the sudden opening of the door startled you.

“Oops, sorry,” the newcomer said, and you turned around when you recognised her voice.

“Helaena?”

“That’s me,” she approached to greet you. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for your presentation?”

You nodded, feeling the lump in your throat swelling. Your best friend tilted her head to the side, her hair falling from her shoulder like beams of moonlight. Her periwinkle eyes scanned you and she grabbed your hands. “Oh, you’re freaking out, aren’t you?”

You nodded again, the softness in her voice making your eyes wet.

“Did it go that badly? Was Jace rude or anything?”

“No,” you immediately corrected her. “He did a great job and he turned out to be… nicer than I expected. I’m just,” you exhaled. “I’m just stressed. You know what it is.”

“And did you tell him?”

“Not directly. He definitely noticed I was stressed out, although I tried to remain as composed as possible in front of him.”

A brief smile appeared on Helaena’s face, like lightning in the middle of the night.

“Maybe that’s why you’re in such a state, you let everything build up and it just got overwhelming.”

You bit your lip. Your best friend definitely had a point, but you had forgotten to mention the brief moment of tension that had contributed to your overall panic.

“Yeah,” you eventually admitted. “I guess I tried to be… cool? In front of him, I mean. It’s a bit silly.”

“Hum,” Helaena gave you a suspicious look you did not appreciate. “Why so?”

You shrugged, leaning against the cold sink. “I guess because he’s nice I don’t want to look like a loser. Don’t look at me like that,” you stopped your friend before she could say a word. “Maybe our rivalry was one-sided, but that doesn’t mean we’re gonna be buddies and everything. I won’t be surprised if he stops talking to me the moment the assignment is done.”

“I don’t understand why he’d do that. From what you told me, you seemed to get along pretty well.”

“He’s popular,” you sighed, exasperated. “He gets along pretty well with everyone, doesn’t mean those connections are meaningful and lasting.”

Helaena crossed her arms over her chest. “Yet you wish yours could be?”

You hesitated a second. “Well, I think we could be friends, yes.”

The ghost of a smile appeared on your friend’s face. “I think so too.” She got closer to give you a side hug. “Are you feeling a little better?”

“I guess so? Talking to you usually has this effect.”

Helaena cooed. “You’re flattering me. Now get back there and show everyone how great of a student you are. And,” she called your name softly, “don’t pretend with him. You’re my coolest friend, if he doesn’t see it, it’s his loss. Although I do think he sees it.”

You pressed your lips into a thin smile. “Thank you Helaena.”

“You’re welcome,” she blew you a kiss and you left the bathroom feeling more at peace than you were when you entered. Being able to talk freely had taken a weight off your shoulders – though you felt a bit guilty for the moment you had avoided mentioning. You still needed to think about it once you had some peace and quiet, probably sleep on it and see if it was the product of your stress or a sign of something rooted more deeply.

When you sat next to Jace again, the first thing you noticed was the worry in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” He immediately asked and you nodded with all of your energy to reassure him.

“Don’t worry. There was just a line.”

He accepted your lie without asking any questions. You went to grab your notes but he stopped you mid-action.

“I think you’re good. I’ve heard you rehearse and you knew your subject. Reading it again is just gonna stress you out.”

You sighed. “You’re probably right. I think my brain cannot absorb any information right now.” You checked the time on your phone. “We still have twenty minutes before class begins, what do you want to do?”

“Well, right now I would mind a coffee. Can I pay you a drink?”

“The coffee machine has been repaired?”

“I have no idea,” Jace chuckled and stood up. “But I’m willing to find out. So,” he landed you a hand, “wanna come?”

You looked at his hand; the infinity of possibilities it represented, and tried to repress the butterflies in your stomach as you seized it.

˖ ࣪⭑

When Mrs River called your and Jace’s names, you walked towards the front of the class with the excitement of an inmate before their last meal. You made sure to take deep breaths to avoid getting into another panic attack, and Jace must have noticed this because he quickly squeezed your shaky hand with a smile. You swallowed your stress and smiled back before turning towards the class.

Your presentation went well. The hours spent working had created a familiarity with the book and made your analysis all the more convincing. You managed to stop reading your notes as the sentences you had carefully written flew into your mind. You echoed and referred to some of Jace’s arguments, showing the teacher that you had worked together and collaborated just as she had required. When she commented on your assignment at the end, she did not spare you but there was a slight smile on her face that was rare enough for you to take pride in it.

When she finally let you rejoin your seats, you did not waste a second and rushed towards your chair, dropping your notes on the table and sighing all of the pressure away. You glanced at Jace who gave you a thumbs up from the other side of the room and you mirrored him before shifting your focus to the pair that was about to speak.

After two or three more presentations, Helaena nudged you gently to catch your attention. You turned your head towards her and noticed she was pointing at your notes. You frowned, not understanding what she meant, and your gaze dropped to the Bristol card. There was a note at the very bottom; written with a pencil, small and neat compared to your highlighted and crossed-out notes.

Only two people could have written it; Helaena or Jace. Your best friend could have easily stolen your notes while you were busy listening to your classmates, while Jace had been alone with your notes for several minutes when you were in the bathroom. It made more sense for Helaena to write it, you two often communicated this way during class if you wanted to remain discrete, but her pencil case was closed.

Rather than keep on speculating this way, you grabbed your notes and read the text. You had to squint to decipher it; whoever had written had put as little pressure on their pencil as possible. Still, you managed to read word by word that one sentence that set your heart ablaze.

“still wanna study with me in the library sometimes?”

V.

You had a crush on Jace. That was it, such a simple sentence that still had been torturing you for almost a whole month. The rainy and orange October days had made way for a dry, chilly and brown November that seemed to match your mood.

You had truly hoped that the wave of joy Jace had ignited in you, that the butterflies and the fluster were all temporary. Yet, you had been forced to admit to an unimpressed Helaena that your feelings were getting stronger and stronger each time you joined him in the library to study and chat, and that terrified you.

You did not properly talk outside of class, he’d sometimes send you a message about something you might find interesting, and you’d do the same, but your exchanges had not gotten any more intimate for better or for worse. You wished you could spend more time by his side, maybe recreate this one scene before the presentation which had not left your thoughts since; but you were scared that your lovesickness would show through your giggles, freak him out and permanently damage your blossoming friendship.

“It’s never going to be reciprocal,” you had moaned to Helaena during the sleepover when you finally talked about your crush.

The girl had immediately refuted this statement, reminding you that you were a smart, beautiful, nice and funny young woman, but none of these qualities seemed enough at the moment. Jace could have easily seduced any girl – or boy – in your class so why would he settle for you?

You were convinced he saw you as a friend with whom he still shared a sort of rivalry; rivalry which had become way more light-hearted than before; perhaps you had a special status, but it would never be that special. Everything you learned about the boy made you want him a little more – the complicated relationship he had with father figures, his love for pets and their names or the importance of his friendship with Cregan.

Cregan had become friends with Helaena over the assignment and you both discovered the advantages that came with your newly found “popularity”. People had stopped picking on your best friend and even started to admire her knowledge of insects, considering it a quirk and not a sign of madness, while you got invited to many social events, though you declined most of them (partly because Helaena was not going to parties, and you weren’t going without her).

This time, however, your best friend had convinced you to go to Cregan’s house party. She believed it was a great occasion to see Jace in an informal setting and perhaps get closer to him. You thought the idea was a little silly, but gave in to Helaena’s convincing arguments and the promise that she’d braid your hair with one of those complex hairstyles you admired so much.

When you were getting ready, you thought this party could actually be fun. You wanted to look pretty, neat and tidy, but not too neat and tidy so people would think you had spent hours getting ready – which was in fact the case. To look casual, but not too casual, when in fact even the strands of hair that escaped for your braid had been carefully styled to frame your face in the most flattering way possible. You had put on music, laughed with your friend, and considered this might be the funniest part of the evening.

You were now convinced it was the funniest part. In the middle of the house, surrounded by people you had never really talked to, you felt silly with your strands of hair and your lip gloss. The alcohol in your drink tasted bitter, but you didn’t know where you could get rid of it without being seen. You weren’t drunk enough to put your anxiety aside and go talk to people, but you weren’t sure you’d be sober enough to leave the party and drive home. You probably could have joined Cregan, who was a friendly acquaintance and could have helped you join conversations, but you were scared of being a burden to him.

Your best option now seemed to sober up until you could go home and find the comfort of your bed. You sought the cold hair of the night, even if it was harsh and slapping your cheeks, for it helped you come to your senses. Cregan’s parents had a luxurious garden but it was now filled with drunk classmates and was the last place you wanted to visit. However, you had noticed at your arrival that there were a few balconies. If you were correct, they were linked to the bedrooms and so you began wandering inside the house to find access outside.

The house did not seem so big during the day, but now that you were alone and using your phone as a flashlight to avoid raising suspicions, it seemed like a castle or worse, a labyrinth. After a few minutes of walking in the dark, hearing and feeling the bass of the amps through the walls, you finally found an empty bedroom with a glass door opening onto the balcony you were dreaming of.

You leaned against the fence, filling your lungs with the cold air of the night that got your blood pumping. Your breath came out with a small puff of steam. The music and voices seemed so far away, indistinguishable buzzing at the back of your mind. You took in the sight of the city by night, the lights of the buildings from afar with the occasional blue and red siren. It was lively, chaotic, and yet at this moment, formed an oasis of peace.

“Are you hiding?”

Jace’s voice coming from behind startled you. You turned around, pressing your hand against your panicked heart. Too lost in your daydream, you had not heard him coming.

“You almost gave me a heart-attack!”

Jace chuckled, taking a step closer. Bathed in moonlight, he seemed to be an ethereal being. His features appeared softer with the pale light, yet his eyes seemed as bright as ever. He was not taking his eyes off you, but it did not give you the feeling of being ogled.

“Sorry about that. At least I can say I set your heart racing.”

Perhaps the little alcohol in your blood was finally having an effect, but you felt bolder all of a sudden. In a normal setting, you probably would have looked away, cleared your throat and changed the subject, but this time you found the strength to maintain eye contact.

“You’d like that?”

The boy seemed taken aback for a second, then amusement shined in his eyes and a smile spread on his lips.

“Maybe,” he murmured and took a sip from his drink. “You didn’t answer my initial question though.”

“I’m not hiding, I’m just taking a break.”

“Sounds like hiding to me.” He leaned by your side. “Overwhelmed?”

You nodded. “I’m not really friends with anyone here so it’s a bit awkward.”

Jace nodded in return. “Yeah, I didn’t expect to see you here. In a good way, I mean.”

You couldn’t mask the smile on your face. “I’d hope so. Were you really that surprised?”

Jace tilted his head to the side. “Honestly yes.”

“Why so?”

“I never really pictured you in this environment. You always seemed too… I don’t know, serious? You don’t exactly remind me of party girls.”

This sentence was like a cold shower. The alcohol had reinforced your emotions that came in waves crashing against the cliffs and leaving the beach destroyed once the tide had receded.

“You never stopped thinking I’m a goodie-two-shoes, did you?” You whispered without even realising it.

“What?”

Perhaps it was the fog that invaded your brain, perhaps it was disillusionment, perhaps it was an insecurity Jace had triggered, but your mouth slurred words out without giving you any chance to control them.

“I remember you calling me a goodie-two-shoes to your friends and although it was hurtful, I thought it was your loss if you didn’t know me, but I honestly thought you had moved on from those preconceived ideas.”

“Wait, are you serious?” Jace frowned. “Is that why you’ve been giving me dirty looks since last year? Just for this?”

“What do you mean ‘just for this’?” Your voice took a desperate tone.

“It was just a joke, I didn’t even know you were listening to me. I wouldn’t have said it otherwise”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “You wouldn’t have said it, okay, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t have thought it.”

“I said it like, one year ago, and you’ve remained hostile until our English assignment! For just one sentence?”

“Breaking news, words have consequences! When you say something super condescending and unfair, people are bitter, can’t believe it took you this long to learn that.”

Jacaerys sighed. He seemed more irritated than actually angry, and he closed his eyes to regain composure.

“Look, I’m sorry if what I said hurt you to the point you shoot daggers at me for a whole year afterwards. I didn’t think the term “goodie-two-shoes” was that hurtful, you make it sound like it’s a slur.”

“You really sound like a popular guy who has never been picked on in his life before you know?”

Your anger, or whatever it was, had decreased and now you were left with a hollow within your chest. You had really hoped for a minute, when he had flirted with you between the lines, that something might have been blossoming between the two; yet this single conversation felt like you were back to your relationship before the assignment, with your bitterness towards him. In a way, you just wanted him to truly apologise, forgive him and move on. Perhaps that was what had been stopping you from trying anything with him.

Jacaerys was looking at you and you were avoiding his gaze. Only the sounds of the city and the music were breaking the silence. Then out of the blue, you felt Jace’s hand on your shoulder, the warmth of his skin shielding you against the biting cold.

“I’m sorry if I brought back bad memories. Really. In my mind, it wasn’t that bad of a term,” he started explaining. “You were just so serious and nerdy, and I wanted to impress my friends. My goal was not to insult you whatsoever.”

You sighed. “We all are victims of peer pressure, aren’t we?” You marked a pause. “At least we cleared that out.”

“I don’t have any problem with people who are goodie-two-shoes, by the way. I like serious and nerdish girls.”

You jerked your head towards him only to see a smug smile on his face. As much as you wanted to remain a bit distant – just to teach him – you could help to find him irresistibly attractive and his smile was so contagious, you couldn’t help but smile in return.

“Really? Do you have any other criteria?” You matched his flirty tone and turned your entire body to face him. That evening had been a roller coaster but if it could settle on this atmosphere, then maybe it had all been worth it.

“Is it too on the nose if I say I like girls who braid their hair? Especially considering it’s not your usual hairstyle.”

You couldn’t help but fiddle with your hair. “Helaena did it. So I assume you like it?”

“I do. It’s fancy, and it prevents strands of hair from hiding your face. This happens way too often and it’s a shame.”

As he said this sentence, he fixed a strand of hair that had managed to escape the intricate pattern of your braid. His hand brushed against your cheek and you melted in the contact as a shiver ran down your spine, which Jace noticed.

“Do you want to go back inside? It’s freezing out there.” He must have seen your hesitation because he took a step closer and immediately added, “I’m not letting you go.”

Beneath the gentleness of his promise, you recognised the distinctive sparkle of desire in his eyes and it set you ablaze. You went to reach for his hand which he let you do without resistance. If anything, he even got a little closer, to the point where your noses were almost touching.

You’re not even sure who closed the distance between you two. One second, you were scanning his eyes for the smallest sign he was about to pull back and reject you. The next second, his lips were on yours, warm and bitter from the alcohol and his hands fell possessively on your waist. All of a sudden he was everywhere, overwhelming your senses, and you would have spent a lifetime against his lips.

A giggle escaped your lips when you broke the kiss – or perhaps he broke it? You weren’t too sure anymore, this kiss had been more intoxicating than the alcohol at the party. Jace brought you a little closer, smiling from ear to ear.

You got on tiptoes and whispered: “Do you really care about the party?”

Jace’s smile grew devilish as he led you inside.

+ 1.

Sneaking Jace into your house had been fun and exciting – you had both agreed that it was a much better idea than to sneak inside his house with all of his siblings. You had chuckled on the way and blessed the fact that your parent’s bedroom was on the opposite side as yours.

The things that had ensued were exactly what you had been expecting when Jace led you through the house to get to his car – after swearing he was sober enough to drive. Actually no, they had surpassed your expectations. He had been soft, and unrelenting, and had sent you over the edge.

However, one thing that was not a part of the plans you had made while observing Jace’s perfect side profile during the ride home was how much you would talk.

You have no idea how long you remained in his arms, your back against his chest, talking. You felt safe and comforted in his embrace, the darkness and the stillness of the bedroom making it ideal for late-night confessions. You had talked about everything, from school to your friends, your insecurities and your dreams and everything that crossed your mind. You had even brought back this debate over the best Greek romance, speaking about it in an appeased way until sunlight poked through the windows.

You both fell asleep when the sun began rising in the sky, still cuddling – it was like you were made for this, your bodies fitting perfectly like pieces of a puzzle. When you opened your eyes again, the room was filled with light. You freaked out for a second when you felt hands around your waist, but memories from last night assailed your mind and you calmed down, matching Jace’s serene heartbeat.

He woke up not long after, greeting you with an endearing awkwardness, and you did your best to make him feel comfortable. Fortunately, your parents had already left – it was common for them to work on the weekends, leaving you alone in the house – and you cooked breakfast together. This little moment of domesticity left you longing for more, more quick glances, more arms brushing against the other, more lopsided smiles.

Still, the tension, barely perceptible, had not entirely left as you enjoyed your meal. Conversations went smoothly, jumping from one subject to the other without a significant gap, yet none of them mentioned the elephant in the room – what had happened between you two and more importantly, what you were going to do next.

Things did look better in the morning, and it was clear now that was you felt towards Jace was more than simple attraction. You liked him, if not more, and the idea of being in an official relationship was tempting. Asking him, though, was out of the question. You could handle being a one-time thing with him, but you’d forever regret scaring him off with your desire for commitment. No matter how hard you tried to scan him and his body language, you could not read his feelings and were left wandering, a soft torture made out of knife-winged butterflies.

You told Jace he could take a shower and used this time to text Helaena and ask her for advice, rushing to your phone and typing as fast as possible, relying on your friend to decipher your typos. The sound of the water running stopped after a few minutes and you couldn’t help your thoughts from drifting to the boy, and how he must look like covered in water. With the darkness of the night, you had only caught a glimpse of his body yet you knew that it was a sight you could not tired of.

You chatted for a few more minutes, standing in front of each other several feet apart, like a glass window was separating you. You wanted to offer him to stay for the afternoon, maybe watch a film, but Jace had told you he was going to go before.

Reluctantly, you had accompanied him to your front door. You had lost all hope that he might want something more. If that was the case, he would have said something already, wouldn’t he? Yet there was a longing in his eyes as you looked at each other on the threshold, an intensity you could only assimilate to your own.

You were about to close the door when he said your name softly, like a prayer. You interrupted your motion, looking back at him.

“Yes?” You answered in the same tone.

“It’s just…” He hesitated. I doubt you’re interested but if you ever wanna go out with me as a date and not just a hang-out…”

“Jace,” you interrupted him. “Do you think I’m not interested in you? And there I thought I acted like a lovesick teenager whenever I was around you,” a nervous laugh escaped your throat. “I would be more than happy to go out with you.”

You saw tension disappear from Jace’s body in a subtle manner, the unclenching of his jaw, the small sigh that left his lips. “I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while now, I can’t believe I lost that much time,” he confessed.

You took a step towards him to place your hand on his forearm. “It’s okay. I also believed you weren’t interested in me.”

“Great minds think alike, right?” He winked, quoting the sentence you had left on his Google doc, and the memory of this foolish action flustered you.

“Apparently so.”

“I’d like to take you on a date, soon. Call me old-fashioned, but I meant to do things well, not cutting corners. What happened yesterday was unexpected. Welcomed, but unexpected.”

You giggled. “Then I’m free tomorrow, gentleman.”

“I’ll pick you up at two?”

“Sounds great. See you tomorrow” You smiled at him and pressed a quick kiss on his lips before closing the door with a cheesy smile on your lips that matched Jace’s.

You wandered in the empty house for a few minutes on cloud nine until your phone buzzed in your pocket. You grabbed it absentmindedly and your smile widened when you read the message you had received.

[Jace] See you tomorrow princess

taglist: @housetargaryenloyalist @v3lary0ns @vee-mage @cregnstark @eldrith @benjinotes @divinesolas @astrxq

[chaifootsteps]

I think one thing Viv just doesn't get as a writer is that the stuff we see onscreen makes the bigger impression on the audience

we see Stolas repeatedly neglect Via for Blitz and spend most of his screentime after his wife has tried to have him killed obsessing over Blitz? the fans are going to think he's a neglectful dad who cares more about sex/his love life than his own daughter

we see Stolas repeatedly demean Blitz, treat him like a sex object and keep a coercive deal going after he's decided he's in love with him? the fans are going to think he's a hypocrite for claiming otherwise

inserting retcons and exposition text into the dialogue about what a good person Stolas is doesn't fix this. for the retcons it's just whitewashing what already happened instead of addressing it and the offscreen stuff will never make as strong an impression as what we actually see. it's lazy to fix things this way and then blame the fans for not prioritizing

Blitz claiming Stolas was nice to him over the phone on occasion over how he acts every time he's onscreen. Stolas stans love to claim criticals lack comprehension by pointing at what Blitz said in Ozzie's and going 'see? Stolas did treat him nice, Blitz should know better!' and then they ignore that all this happened in the context of a coercive deal we saw Stolas make when Blitz was getting shot at, as if one makes as big an impression or makes up for the other

And for what little we do see the fans who are paying attention tend to notice he's still not as nice as the show claims - just look at the blink and you miss it text exchanges where he offers a total non-apology for Ozzies and still doesn't get what's wrong after being told, then spends the rest of the time being vague and sending mixed signals while Blitz is clear and consistent that he knows the dynamic is: Full Moon is Stolas' night, he pulls the strings, he gets to say what goes and that's still the case in the months Stolas spent dithering around trying to have it both ways.

And when the show is trying to write him as being nice, like in Full Moon, he frequently comes off worse than ever. The way a big part of the fandom is turning on him due to the last two episodes says it all to me - they're starting to remember everything we saw on screen and noticing that the Stolas the show keeps telling us exists and is his true self does not match up with the Stolas we've been shown i.e. the one with all the emotional intelligence of a potted plant

Viv seems to view her shows not so much as stories for the audience, but as glimpses of her very fluctuating headcanons that she's paying someone (albeit not very well) to animate. She doesn't seem to realize that she can't just show her audience one thing and say another on Twitter, and if she decides she doesn't like what she showed everyone, "fix" it with a completely contradicting scene 12 episodes later.

Acceptable things to leave offscreen: the details of frightening scenes so as to make them scarier, the relationships between side-characters, small details like people eating and peeing.

Unacceptable things to leave offscreen: Literally any indication that your main character likes being around his love interest.

[whump-in-the-closet]

My congrats on the follower milestone. For the whump ask thing, perhaps this dialogue?

“My dear Leader, you think you have all the choices right now but really you only have two. You or them? Choose carefully.l

thanks im continuously surprised by how many people put up with my shenanigans <2

cw: creative license was used for this prompt oops, branding, forced to choose, creepy whumper, prisoner whump, team whump, mentions of past torture, implied flogging, restraints and manhandling

Leader had stopped caring. About anything, really. So when the guards chained his hands above him, he let them.

He was past caring. He stared at the tiles with dead eyes. His heart pulsed slowly, each moment dragged out. It was funny, how quickly, everything could fall apart.

Very human fingers brought him out of his mind, grabbing his chin and forcing his face upwards. 

Leader stared at Supervillain. Once– it felt long ago, but it couldn’t have been that long– he would have jerked away from the touch. Snarled a curse. But now he simply couldn’t bring himself to care. So, he took it.

Some of that sentiment must have betrayed itself in Leader's expression because Supervillain's grip tightened, nails breaking skin. “Tired, hm?" They dropped the young man's chin and ran a hand through the strands, the touch deceptively soft before tightening. Supervillain yanked Leader's head up by his hair, forcing him to look straight ahead. "Pay attention."

Two guards brought in a cauldron of burning coals, an iron ominously sticking out. Leader again felt its phantom pain, his side throbbing under its memory. He winced. He couldn’t help it. That– that had hurt. For days. 

There was a brief flicker of sarcasm.

Been there, done that.

It had been a while since Supervillain had resorted to anything so violently painful.

He could take it. 

He’d taken worse. 

Still, Leader did not look at the iron. Or the coals. He stared straight ahead and tried to remember how breathing worked. 

Supervillain smiled down at him like they knew something he didn't. Once the thought appeared, he couldn’t get rid of it. Something was different. Bile worked its way up his throat.

Something was wrong. 

Leader suppressed a shudder.

Before he could take another breath, the other shoe dropped.

A fourth guard carried a bleeding figure into the room. She dropped her burden unceremoniously onto the cold tiles before the cauldron with the branding iron.

The captive's head hit the floor with a sickening thud. They didn’t move. 

Supervillain glanced from the new arrival to Leader, wondering idly when he would make the connection. 

Leader's eyes widened in horror.

Supervillain's smile lit up the room. "Ah, yes. Took you long enough to put two and two together." They leaned in to whisper in Leader's ear. "I found them...oh so alone. A shame, really."

To Leader, the world was spinning and it wouldn’t stop. His vision blurred. 

Surely the captive, with terrible lacerations down their back, barely conscious, visibly shaking– surely, that wasn’t, of all people, Whumpee. 

God. 

Leader made a strangled noise in his throat– a silent scream– like someone had punched him. 

Supervillain stepped back, more than pleased with themself, and beckoned to their guard. They whispered something and the guard nodded. 

Leader couldn’t rip his gaze away from the shaking form that was left of Whumpee. 

Oh.

Oh god.

Leader hadn’t realized he was crying until the tears blurred his vision. He had failed his team. He had failed at the one job he had.

Leader threw up then. His throat burned. Then again, so did his eyes. “Whumpee?” he whispered, the name barely loud enough to be heard. 

No response. 

“What did you do to them?” This too, was whispered. 

No one answered that, either. 

The guard grabbed Whumpee, hauling them to their feet roughly. They cried out when the guard's hands dug into the lashes on their arms.

Leader stiffened. “Let go of them.” Some of the old command worked its way into his voice. 

Supervillain lit a cigarette and flipped the lid of their lighter closed with a flick of their wrist. They nodded to the guard, ignoring Leader.

Immediately, two more guards grabbed Whumpee, shoving them to their knees and bending their arms to awkward angles behind their back. 

Whumpee flinched, shrinking away from their touch. "Please-- P-please don't---"

And Leader snapped. 

That was Whumpee they were manhandling. One of his team. Someone who had stood by him through thick and thin. Someone who had, once, trusted him.

Leader lunged forward. “Don’t touch them! Don’t–” another lunge, the chains digging into his wrists, “Touch them!” 

Supervillain exhaled a breath of smoke. “What an unusual display from you,'' Their voice was sharp, “Pull yourself together.” 

Leader did not pull himself together. He continued to yank against the restraints, all semblance of aloofness gone. “Supervillain, let them go! I’ll do anything. Please!” 

And he meant it. 

Supervillain crouched down beside Leader to exhale another breath of smoke. This time, in Leader's face. “My dear Leader, you think you have all the choices right now but really you only have two." They lowered their voice. "You or them?"

Leader paled to the color of bone. “You– you can’t be serious."

"You remember the branding iron, don't you?" Supervillain's smile was shark-like, bright in the darkness. “You know what that’s like.” They pressed a cold hand against Leader's abdomen, their nails digging into the sensitive skin.

The brand’s phantom pain spread through his entire rib cage, lacing around his bones and coating them, again, in fire. 

Leader stiffened, blood turning to ice in his veins. Fuck. His mouth went dry as he looked from Whumpee, limp in the guard's grip, to the branding iron, red-white against the coals. Again, the floor dropped out from below him, leaving him spiraling.

It took all of his strength to find his voice. "I'll take it."

Supervillain stood up. They grinned. "You know what? You've managed to fuck up my plans so many times...yes, I think I'd like to watch you fuck up for once."

Leader didn't understand. "W-what?"

Supervillain ruffled his hair, patchy and bloodstained. "You never had a choice, dear."

Leader lunged against the chains. “No!” he shouted. “No! I said I would do it--”

His wrist made a snapping sound even as he threw himself again, and again. His voice gave out, cracking into a sob. "Fuck you--"

The guards chained Whumpee to the wall, tightening them to the point until stones dug into Whumpee's raw back.

Leader cursed every foul name when Supervillain picked up the branding iron.  "Don't-- Don't you dare!"

But when Whumpee screamed his name, begging him to make it stop, please, Leader went feral. He struggled frantically-- uselessly. He had never been more useless. The chains did not relent and the hand that held the brand was steady. Crimson blood traced a silky path down his arm, dripping to the tiles.

Whumpee's pleas fell on deaf ears. 

There was the horrible smell of burning skin. 

And a scream.

Leader would never forget that scream. 

Supervillain pulled the brand away, and Whumpee slumped forward, unconscious. Supervillain undid their restraints and let them collapse to the ground, stepping around them with a flicker of disgust. 

They ordered the guards to undo Leader's chains. “There’s not much damage he can do in here," they said.

And they left Leader alone with the battered captive, their still form twitching under the curling remnants of agony. 

Leader dropped down beside Whumpee, knees hitting the floor with all the force of a guillotine dropping. He worked quickly, taking off his own shirt and ripping it apart– first bandaging the brand and then trying to stem the blood from the flogging. It was a messy job and he did it poorly, with only the expertise of having previously done the same work on himself. 

Whumpee's eyes remained closed. 

Despair crouched inside Leader and it smiled. It smiled like Supervillain. Leader cried then. Hoarse sobs that ripped his vocal chords to shreds. 

Whumpee stirred. They exhaled softly– a small groan escaping their lips. They squeezed their eyes shut like they were still hoping this was some nightmare they could escape. 

Leader's voice was gone. He could say nothing. Provide no comfort. No reassurance. It was with hesitant movements that he moved Whumpee's head onto his lap, shielding them with his body as much as he could.

Please tell me you’re alright. 

Tell me we’ll be alright. 

Whumpee's entire body shook.

Nothing was alright.

[devondeal]

Been talking with @jedimasterbailey and @bluedeedeedoop about the sudden flip in Barriss's fan reception since the TOTE trailer:

Gotta love how there were so few true Barriss fans who were always willing to see the potential in her story vs the majority who literally could only see her as a terrorist and a traiter saying horrible shit like she's worse than Anakin who literally commited genocide and other crimes.

Basically she wasn't a character to them. Just the person who betrayed Ahsoka. They could only see how the plot used her. Meanwhile Barriss fans payed attention to things facial expression, vocal inflection, dialogue and kept up with any scrap of an update about her for 12 YEARS.

All the while the Barriss haters and dude bros leave the nastiest comments on our threads and any Youtube video, Tik Tok, you name it, wanting to make it clear they want Vader to brutally kill her or basically their want for yet another complex Star Wars lady character to meet a horrible end.

But ever since the Tales of the Empire trailer came out her reception has been overwhelmingly positive. Don't get me wrong, this makes me really very happy. It's amazing what a little attention can do to change the narrative. But at the same time the sudden flip is a bit jarring.

Like why did it have to take a trailer to be able to see what a wonderful character Barriss is? Like I'm sorry but it's not rocket science to be able to tell that there was more to her than The Clone Wars was willing to show. Animation is VERY intentional. They would not have animated her with saddened and guilty expressions during the entire Wrong Jedi Arc.

Nor would they have wrote and partially animated the deleted scene of Barriss HUGGING AND SAYING I'M SORRY TO AHSOKA BEFORE THE TRIAL. They would have done NONE of that if the intention was a cut and dry villain.

It does not take rocket science to realize that The Clone Wars could have made their half baked terrorist plot at least make the bit amount of sense instead of having to see Jar Jar have a sex life or build up to her choices instead of a wander droid arc in early season 5 that is the literal worst.

I am happy that finally they will address Barriss in a new show with beautiful new animation. Though I am still nervous for what fate they will have her meet. And I am happy for the new Barriss fans that will come out of this series.

What I am frustrated with are the haters and dudebros. They can't just switch up. Writers deciding a character is worthy of attention is not a reason for y'all assholes who bullied Barriss fans all these years to jump on the bandwagon. Like at the fucking least admit you were wrong. Basically y'all are not welcome, idgaf

[everythingmp3]

𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐞

𝐓𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐨𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

you´ve been living in Jackson for a few years and things are not looking great; you are bored, lonely, and have very little to look forward to but your feeling of numbness stops all of a sudden when Tess and Joel arrive in town. you feel an intense pull towards Tess that makes it impossible for you to remain a loner.

author´s note: this is an alternative reality where Tess and Joel went to Jackson as a platonic duo with the plan to live there indefinitely. Joel has a few appearances with dialogue, him and Tess give off middle aged bestie vibes, reader is kinda depressed about her situation but nothing heavy. also this isn’t about the game, never played it, this is just what Anna’s Tess inspired in me. hope u enjoy! (part 2 can be found here)

warnings: minors dni! smut (reader receiving, fingering), there´s a slight dom/sub vibe going with Tess and reader but only if you squint, not dark at all, spit is involved briefly

word count: 9.5k

honesty was not something you could afford anymore those days. you knew that if anyone had a clue about how you really felt about your life in Jackson, you´d have been called ungrateful or worse, so you kept it to yourself but the ugly truth was that you did not feel grateful, not at all. most days you felt nothing, there was a vast emptiness inside of you and no way to fight it, no way to reach a sense of fulfillment. on paper it was an ideal situation: community based living where everyone feels responsible for everyone, decent food and fresh air, the option to spend time with animals, to take care of kids or elders, to spend evenings drinking tea or having a drink with other people your age, celebrating holidays together, peace, quiet, tranquility. 

it was all ideal in theory, but in praxis it had slowly but surely sucked the life out of you over the years. you´d grown up in a QZ in the south, which was hard in its own right, but you were used to that lifestyle: the tall buildings, the wide spaces, the anonymity, the ability to walk for miles and not reach city limits. living in a small town, a space that confined and regulated, it was wearing you down; you hated that you could never just walk outside without being recognized, without everyone knowing your name and greeting you, expecting a bright smile in return for theirs, you hated the weird cheerful vibe that hung thick in the air at all times, the odd sense of satisfaction that everyone seemed to carry with them despite living through the end of the world, the families that took up the whole town with their domestic sweetness, it all began to piss you off a few weeks into your first year there, but instead of turning cruel or mean, you decided to zone out as best as you could and just keep to yourself. you were not made for that kind of life, you yearned for more, for excitement, for big cities and anonymity and the freedom to move around amongst strangers, you wanted the thrill of something dangerous and surprising, but day in day out, you were bored and lost in your dreams of a different life. 

Jackson didn´t get new arrivals often, so the few times that the town gates opened up to strangers, everyone was highly curious; kids hoping they´d get some new friends their age, a few sleazy guys hoping that hot girls were part of the group, others who were more pragmatic about it just hoping that the newcomers were strong enough to help out with physically demanding jobs. you never really cared, they were all the same to you, but when you heard that Tommy´s brother and his friend were coming, you had to admit you were intrigued, since Tommy and Maria were two of the few people you felt comfortable around. 

you were subtle about it, keeping your distance, but you watched them being toured around town on their first day and you found yourself looking at Joel´s friend more than at him, even though you´d assumed that he was the one you´d pay attention to, considering your interest in seeing who Tommy was related to, but the moment you saw Tess she stuck out you, immediately. it was impossible to explain why, but seeing her confident walk, her stern look, the air of mystery that surrounded her, it was such a contrast to all the other women you´d come across, your whole body had a reaction the sight of Tess. the first time you heard her voice from afar, you thought oh wow. that´s a good fucking voice, the voice of a woman who doesn´t take anyone´s shit. truthfully, it kind of turned you on. 

the first few days of them settling in, it was impossible to get a chance to say hi, people swarmed them wherever they went, so it took about a week until you found yourself nursing a drink at the bar and saw that Tess was standing all alone, just looking around, so without wasting any time you got up and walked over, a little shy, but eager to see what she was like, to hear that voice up close. 

once you were a few feet away from her she locked eyes with you and gave a nod, you almost felt your cheeks flush from the eye contact and tried to act casual as you introduced yourself, followed by “so, how are you liking it here so far?” a little mischievousness in there, like you were trying to get her to admit that it wasn´t all rainbows and sunshine. 

Tess could tell what you were trying to do and it amused her but she chose the diplomatic answer, unsure whether she could trust your discretion, “oh you know. it´s a lot to adjust to after all that time in the QZ. we also had one hell of a journey here so yeah, still processing. but so far I can´t complain” you nodded, “right, you guys must´ve gone through some shit out there. I remember when we came here a few years ago, almost froze to death a few times”, she agreed “yeah it was pretty gnarly. and obviously Joel and I aren´t the youngest anymore, I think we complained about our backs hurting at least 100 hundred times a day, kind of a miracle we didn´t just kill each other honestly”, a laugh from you then.

“well, it´s better now I hope? they gave you a good house, nice beds? I´d assume Tommy saw to that”, she nodded, “oh yeah for sure, listen, after all that, anything seems like a fucking five start hotel to me, I am easy to impress in that regard”. you found yourself standing closer to her than you usually did while talking to people, looking at her with more interest, she was exactly what you´d hoped she´d be: funny, charming, but not in a way that was particularly soft or endearing, a distinct hardness was there, unwavering, and it pulled you closer, you had respect and admiration for that kind of temperament, not just that, but a deep attraction too, you couldn´t remember the last time a woman had had that effect on you. 

there wasn´t much else you could bring up or say, you kept it brief for your first encounter, “anyway, I just wanted to say hi, wish you guys a smooth moving in process and all that. we´ll see each other around I´m sure!” she nodded, something about you was charming to her, “right yes, and thank you. see you around!”. 

you set down your glas on the counter and made your way out of the bar, Tess didn´t think twice about it but an older man who had just gotten his glass of whiskey and overheard the exchange leaned closer to her, “how´d you manage to do that?”. she was confused, “how did I do what?”, the man watched as you walked out of the door, she did too, “I don´t think I´ve ever seen that girl initiate small talk with anyone, and she´s been here for a few years so, you must´ve done something right”. she was taken off guard by that, “really?”, he nodded, “yeah that one´s not a talker, keeps to herself. not that she´s rude or anything, not at all, but socializing.. yeah not her thing, she´s a lone wolf.”, the more he said, the harder it was for Tess to believe him, why would you be more inclined to talk to a random stranger who usually doesn´t seem very inviting, than some nice person who you´ve lived with for years? “okay. and what´s her deal?” she asked, intrigued, he smiled, “well, I´m not one tell people´s business. but from what I just saw, I´m pretty sure you won´t have to try hard to get that info out of her” she nodded, “right. sure. if you say so”

the man took a sip of his drink, muttering “funny girl” as he left Tess standing there, wondering what you´d seen in her that had driven you to start a conversation. next to Joel, she was often keenly aware of her lack of charm, he had no trouble fitting in with everyone in Jackson, that southern hospitality reminiscent of his old life, the Texas Joel coming out again, whereas she could tell that some people were a little intimidated by her, by her potential judgment or lack of enthusiasm over her new home. Tess knew she was not the best at first impressions, so the idea that someone in that town might have taken a genuine liking to her just by looking at her, she had to admit, it felt really good. partially because you were one of the only women she´d seen so far that she´d consider her type. 

the next morning in the dining hall Tess sipped her black coffee, glancing over at you a few times, before setting the cup down and clearing her throat. “hey”, she tapped Joel on the shoulder, who turned to her, mumbling his words because his mouth was still half full, “yeah, what is it?”, “what do you make of her?” Tess asked, pointing at you. you sat a few tables away from them and had no idea you were being watched, Joel studied your expression for a moment, “hm. I don´t know. seems kinda tired. and I don´t mean from a lack of sleep” Tess nodded, “yeah, seems that way”, she paused for a moment but she trusted Joel, so she continued, “this thing happened yesterday, she talked to me and apparently she hardly talks to anyone. strange huh?”, he considered it, “interesting. well, if you ask me you should see what that´s about. I mean, what do you have to lose, hm? seems like she could use a friend. or you know…”.

she knew what that last part was insinuating and threw him a look that said very funny, he teased her a little, “oh, don´t act like a saint Tess, I know you wouldn´t pay attention like this to any random person. and I don´t blame you, she´s very pretty”, “okay, watch it old man” she said, a sudden harshness to her tone. Joel knew exactly how to rile her, he laughed, patting her on the back as he stood up, “don´t worry, she´s all yours. come on now, let´s go, we´re on for patrol, you can continue your ruminating out there”, she waved him off “you know what, forget I ever mentioned it” but part of her enjoyed it, it had been ages since anyone had caught her attention, since there´d been banter like that between her and Joel over breakfast. 

the next night, there was a bigger get together, most people either drank or danced or sat around tables in small groups, and you tried your best to join in on it but after about an hour you felt the urge to leave, so you stood outside on your own for a short while, debating whether to go back in and say goodbye or just do an Irish exit. about 10 minutes after you went out there, someone else followed: Tess. she had the same issue, not really being one for parties or large gatherings, so it was a pleasant surprise for her, to see someone else standing there. 

“air got a bit thick in there” Tess said as she approached you, taking a deep breath, hands in her pockets, standing to your side, you looked at her, making a “hm” sound of agreement, she continued “oh by the way, I might be totally wrong but I thought out of everyone here you might be the one who´d appreciate this thing I found in my bag yesterday” she pulled something out of her jacket pocket, at first you couldn´t see but then you realized she was holding out a pack of cigarettes to you, “take it, I don´t need them. but I have a feeling you might”, you smiled, “do I give off that energy?”, “kinda yeah” she admitted, you took the pack, pulling one out, “and you´d be right. hell I´d take any drug at this point but this is a good start”, she got out a lighter, stepping closer to you, holding out her hand to shield the flame, “come here”, you liked the sound of that, the tone of an order, you blushed as you leaned closer to her, you didn´t make eye contact but she took in the sight of your face up close, your lips, before you stepped away again and took a drag, exhaling slowly with a sound of pleasure, “yeah this is good, thank you”, after a moment of silence you met her eyes again.

 “so, I heard you and Joel did some pretty fucked up shit back in the QZ”, that got the first genuine laugh out of Tess in a good while, everyone else in Jackson had danced around the topic, never explicitly mentioning their past as smugglers, probably to pretend that they were just a normal middle aged man and woman, but there you were, getting straight to the point, and it was refreshing, to hear someone speak that frankly. somehow she felt like you shared a language, “you could say that yeah”, you were curious, “ever killed someone?”, “of course” she responded without thinking twice, and for a moment she regretted it, scared of your reaction, but when she saw that you were grinning she thought oh no, I don´t have to censor myself at all around this girl at all.

“do you still have a gun?” you asked, raising your eyebrows at her, daring her to say the truth. she eyed you, debating whether to lie, knowing that it wasn´t encouraged to have weapons like that in Jackson, since it didn´t mix well with the pacifist vibe, her voice giving away that it was a clear yes, “but shh”, holding her index finger to her lips, you nodded, smiling “sure I won´t tell. that is if you let me hold it sometime”, she crossed her arms, impressed by your audacity, “oh I see we´re negotiating now, are we?”, you shrugged, “hey, I´ll give you something in return, anything really, just ask”, she turned your words over in her head for a second, wondering if they were as suggestive as she hoped they were.

 “right, okay I´ll think about it. have you ever fired one?”, you shook your head “no, we left the QZ when I was 17, too early to get into any of that”, she perked up, “right, I meant to ask you about that. what´s your story, how´d you end up here?”. you tried to summarize it well, not wanting to bore her with the whole thing, but from the way she was looking at you then, you realized you had her undivided attention, “the short version is this: my parents died a few years before I came here. I was too young to live on my own back then, like 14, so this girl I was friends with, her parents took me in. then when I was 17 they said they knew people here, that our life be better. they didn´t force me, I had a choice, but I would have been on my own and I was scared so I came here. we got along fine but I could tell they were sort of relieved when I suggested I should live on my own here, so yeah, that´s what happened” she took the words in, “I´m sorry. all of that must´ve been rough at that age” she felt a pain her heart, imagining you that young, already confronted with that much loss and change, it was starting to make sense, why you seemed sort of numb to everything, why a happy-go-lucky outlook didn´t really suit you. but she also respected you for it, knowing what it took to rebuild your life after a rupture like that. 

“can i say something really fucked up?” you said, taking another drag of the cigarette before flicking it away and rubbing your hands together to stay warm, she grinned, increasingly charmed by you, “please do, I´ve had enough polite chit-chat today”.

that encouraged you to be really honest, “I regret coming here. I wish I´d have been brave enough to stay back, make my way on my own. I am miserable here in ways I never was back then. it´s fucked up I know, considering all this” you gestured towards the fairy lights hung on a house across the street, the snow, the peaceful air of the moment, “but it´s the truth” a shaky exhale, like you were physically releasing tension by confessing that thought. 

Tess instinctively got closer to you, she was very interested in your thoughts then, “what do you miss?”, you had a wistful look in your eyes, “everything. minding my business and being left alone, walking for hours without seeing anyone I know, the wide spaces, the way nobody pretended that life was great, the fact that people were allowed to be openly frustrated with shit. here it seems almost blasphemous to say that you´re pissed off or angry about how your life turned out, back then it was a shared feeling of well, we´re in this hell together, you know? I don´t know man, I just don´t fit in here I think”.

it made sense to her what you were saying, she could feel some of it to be true for herself, “yeah I´ll be honest you don´t seem like the rest of them here”, you looked up at her then, “I don´t?” she shook her head, “no. if none of this ever happened I´d imagine you to be the type to end up in New York or some other big city with some cool friend group, going out a lot, hanging out in cafes all day, something like that” you groaned, “jesus don´t stay that you´ll make me cry”, she laughed, placing a sympathetic hand on your shoulder, her grip stronger than you expected, a heat where her fingers pressed into your skin through your jacket, “sorry, I´ll stop. but you get what I mean”, “yeah, I do, thank you. feels good to say it all out loud for once”, “well, then I´m glad. also I won´t lie, Joel is better fit for this place than I am, so you´re not alone. but then again, I´m older, I get that for someone your age it´s especially shitty to be stuck in this suburban kind of living, with no way out”. she was spot on. 

“well, I might have to ask you to tell me some stories about your life then, to live vicariously” you smiled at her, batting your eyelashes for dramatic effect, she was not immune to it, “right, some lovely stories about breaking people´s bones during fights” she joked, your eyes had a twinkle in them then, she clocked it and wondered for a second if the idea of her violent past might actually be part of what made you like her, find her attractive. “tell me more..” you said, your voice clearly signaling that you weren´t shocked but intrigued, Tess thought about what she could share, “well most of it is the same story of dumb luck mixed with slightly above average shooting skills, but one time I somehow managed to win a fight when the guy had a gun and I only had a knife. one of my sweeter memories” she joked, you nodded, “impressive. I´d like to see that” you meant it, she shook her head, “believe me you wouldn´t, it´s not glamorous, sounds much cooler than it looked”. you looked at each other for a moment, the night air was cold, you were both shifting your weight and clasping your hands together to stay warm, since apparently neither of you wanted to suggest going back inside or home.

Joel was the one to interrupt the moment. he swung the door open, looking around and seeing Tess standing there with you, giving you both a nod, waiting to see if Tess was gonna leave with him, both of you could feel that it might be time to call it a night, “well, I think that´s my cue” she said, you nodded, “yeah, I should get going too”, pointing in the direction of your house, “but it was nice talking to you” she agreed, “I´m sure we´ll run into each other again soon, would be pretty hard not to in this small ass town” you laughed, glad that she was willing to engage in some light shit talking “exactly, see you around”. 

“sorry, didn´t mean to cockblock you there” Joel said with a smugness about him as they started walking, Tess slapped him on the arm for that one, muttering “shut up” under her breath. “but on a real note, I asked Tommy about her and he couldn´t tell me shit. only that it took a while for her to warm up to them and now they´re friends, sort of. apparently she´s real smart, has read about every damn book in town, good on horseback, other than that he couldn´t tell me much.” that description didn´t mix at all with the fact that you´d just been so open with her, that you´d had no issue telling her about your deep feelings, it was dawning on her that you actually did behave differently around her, that you seemed to trust her for some reason. 

“we talked a little. she´s cool” she said plainly, trying to sound casual, he let her believe she did, “Tommy said people are kinda intimidated by her” Tess looked at him, “really?”, to her it seemed absurd but she could see why others might feel differently, “hmm” he said, “reminds me of someone else I know” nudging Tess in the side as they kept walking, she smiled to herself, not letting him see it, but he was right, something about you seemed surprisingly familiar, it kind of impressed her that your instincts had been sharp enough to pick up on it that quickly. part of her was grateful, it was good to know that regardless of where things would go with you, she´d always be able to count on having someone to have a good chat with, to be her true self with for a moment. 

the next few days you saw each other a few times, on the street in passing, in the dining hall, and Tess quickly realized why others might be hesitant to approach you; there was a stark contrast between how´d you acted that night talking to her, compared your vibe during the day. your expression was not grumpy but not inviting either, there was a clear distance that you kept between yourself and everyone else, you were polite, but whenever she saw you interacting with people there was none of that charm that you´d had with her, your eyes didn´t sparkle, your face was way less expressive, you seemed mellow, a little depressed to her, like you´d rather be on your own. she kept thinking back to how you´d smiled at her and it haunted her, the fact that you didn´t do it for anyone else. she didn´t want to admit it to herself but she wanted to talk to you again, she was dying for some excitement herself, the domestic life in Jackson wasn´t making her yearn for more as well, so about a week later she gave in. Tess had an idea about how she might get some genuine joy into your system. 

by the time Tess knocked on your door it was about 09:30 pm. it took a while for you to answer but she saw that a light was on so she was patient, standing there until you cracked the door open, a few visible marks from a pillow on your cheek, “oh fuck sorry did I wake you?” you shook your head, glad to see her, trying to fully wake up, “no, I mean.. kind of, I fell asleep on the couch” she laughed, “falling asleep before 10, huh? how old are you again?”, you squinted your eyes at her, “did you come here to make fun of me, or-?”, clearly not really bothered by her razzing you, “not strictly, no. I have a surprise. go put on a jacket, and a scarf too while you´re at it, it´s fucking cold” you nodded, trying to understand what her plan was, “a surprise?”, “well don´t think too big it´s nothing crazy, but yeah”, “okay wait, give me one second” you left the door open and quickly got dressed, a smile on your face then, you had no idea what was happening but you were just happy to see her again, to be sought out by her, so you hurried out and shut the door, following her. 

as you started walking you exchanged a few formalities, then you asked “where´s your buddy?” in a sort of teasing tone, she threw you a look from the side, “my buddy” she imitated in a low tone, “he´s with his brother. Maria isn´t feeling well, and I don´t need to be the only woman at that table, I really don´t” you laughed, “right, I get that. so what are we doing?” you asked, trying to suss out where she was leading you but it looked like you were heading towards the stables, she didn´t bother answering your question, “people won´t bother us there at this hour right?” she said, seemingly worried you might get caught doing something. you knew she wasn´t shameless or desperate enough to just lead you somewhere in public to hook up with you, but still, part of you liked the double meaning of the sneaking around, trying to find a place where you wouldn´t be disturbed, “no, I actually sometimes go to the horses at night when I can´t sleep. it´s kinda relaxing” that was an endearing image to her, you amongst those big animals, maybe petting them or talking to them, “yeah, I heard you´re good with them”, a prideful smile flickered across your face for a second “I guess yeah. I never really got the craze about dogs, I like them more, they´re strong but quiet about it”, that way of putting it amused her, she met your eyes; it didn´t escape her that that description also fit her. 

once you reached the stables and went inside, she walked over to you, close enough to face you. that was the first moment that night you actually took a good look at her; she looked hot even though barely an inch of her skin was visible, a forest green flannel was peaking out of her brown oversized jacket, she was wearing jeans that looked worn in, fit her perfectly, her face was flushed from the ice cold air, her long hair falling down her face in waves, the wind had messed it up a little, you were staring as she spoke, “so, I´m gonna need you to close your eyes and hold out your hands for me” you were clearly confused by that “huh? are you joking?”, she shook her head, “no, go on, do it”, so you did, not arguing about it, and she liked it, seeing you take her instruction without much questioning, your palms open, facing up, Tess could´ve done anything, she almost reached out and took your hands in hers, but she got her mind back to what the actual plan was before she could slip up and do it.

you could hear her reaching for something inside of her jacket, “okay, don´t be shocked it´s a little cold and a little heavy” you were out of ideas, no clue what was gonna be placed in your hands, a moment later you felt something that was clearly metal of some sort, holding it tentatively at first, “okay, open your eyes” she was standing a bit further away then, watching your reaction, and it was worth it: you jaw dropped when you realized she´d placed her gun in your hand. 

“you know, keeping up my end of the deal” you recalled that you´d jokingly told her to let you hold it but you didn´t think she´d actually do it. it wasn´t a small one either, you started tracing its features with your index fingers, inspecting it up close, fascinated, she watched you, a grin, “you like it, don´t you?” it was clear from your expression that you did, her suspicions about you not being easily shocked by anything confirmed, you nodded, “is it loaded?”, “hmm” she confirmed, and that really surprised you. she had basically handed you a lethal weapon that she knew you had no practice with, enough trust in you to believe you wouldn´t put her in danger, even though she hardly knew you. 

Tess moved to sit down on a stack of hay, keeping her eyes on you, “okay, now give me your best pose”, “huh??” you said, staring at her. “you know, show me how you´d yield that thing. just pretend I am some freak who is about to attack you”, you lowered your eyes, “right that should be easy”, she smiled, leaning back against the wall, manspreading, “I´m waiting”, an authoritativeness to her tone that made it impossible to deny her request. 

you felt a sense of embarrassment, hyper aware of your body because of her unflinching gaze, but it wasn´t entirely unpleasant, there was a heat to it too, so you relaxed your muscles and actually thought about how you´d behave, getting a feel for the gun, holding it out, not pointed at her but next to her, shifting your stance a little, closing one eye, a nod of approval from her, “not bad, not bad at all actually. I might have just recruited you if you´d been back in my QZ”, you grinned, dropping your arms, standing more naturally again, “then you don´t have very high standards if this is all it would take”, Tess stood up, “yeah, maybe I don´t”, moving closer to you, “do that again please”, she watched from up close then, “there´s just one thing I´d change, and then you´re good to shoot the shit out of something, or someone. here”, before you knew what was going on, she knelt down next to you and used both of her hands to roughly push your leg into a stance that would support your weight better, that would make it harder for someone to push you over. the feeling of her manhandling you like that shot a wave of adrenaline through your whole body, you almost asked her to keep her hands on your knee because it felt so good, even thought there was a thick fabric between her skin and yours, it felt just as thrilling as if she´d touched your bare leg. 

“yeah that´s better” she said, glancing up and down your body, “suits you. you should get into some shady business if you ever leave this place” she said, only half joking, admittedly a little turned on from seeing you like that,  “you´re really corrupting me here, huh? and you didn´t see me shoot yet, I might be god awful” she shrugged “oh we could work on that. maybe we´ll end up on patrol together one day, you could go off on some trees, practice” you laughed, “sure, sounds great”, the idea actually did seem pretty good to you, being out there far away from everyone with her for a while, doing something sort of forbidden, there was a clear intrigue in you and she could sense it, a pride swelling in her over the fact that her plan to get you to loosen up and have some fun had worked, she´d gotten through to you again, that smile back on your face that she hadn´t seen all week, that she´d admittedly missed and daydreamed about a few times. 

Tess was at a point in her life where she rarely felt angry about her circumstances, she was way past that, there was a general philosophy of it is what it is that she subscribed to, but because of you it was different all of a sudden, there was an anger about the world that you had reawakened in her. all she could think of the days after first talking to you was that she wished that the outbreak had never happened, that you´d have gotten to live the way people in their 20s lived back then: going out to bars with friends, spending hours out and about, studying, walking around town, going to see films in theaters, going to concerts, taking road trips, traveling, the list of things she wished you could go out there and experience was endless and it pissed her off, that someone clever like you was destined to just wither away, nothing to look forward to, no big dreams to go after. Tess could tell you´d have built a beautiful vibrant life for yourself if you´d have just gotten the chance, and she knew she couldn´t give you a miracle, but she knew she could give you something. you evidently saw something in her that you wanted, and she would try to do her best to give it to you. pulling you out of your house at night to have some stupid fun was a start. you sat down next to her on the stack of hay then, fidgeting with some pieces of it, the gun resting in your lap.

“so, you must have been pretty bored if this was your idea for a Friday night” you said, teasing, she raised her eyebrows, looking at you from the side, you were sitting close enough for you to see her eye color for the first time, “well, if there´s a secret exciting nightlife around here that i could have explored instead, please do enlighten me” you laughed, “yeah no, staying up past 12 am is as about as wild as nights can get here”, she nodded “sounds about right”, busying her hands with rubbing her legs that had gotten a little cold. “you know I get it, what you said, about having that kinda fucked up nostalgia for the QZ. I would never say this to anyone here because I really am grateful for their kindness but yeah. I do miss a few things about our old life” she seemed lost in thought, you felt for her but you were also relieved to have some comradery for once, after years of only thinking about these things, never sharing them with anyone, you spoke up “yeah I´ll be real with you, at this point I even miss the fear of walking around darker secluded parts of the city and possibly ending up in a fight. I would take a punch right over another night of not knowing what to do with myself” she let out a genuine laugh, your honesty was refreshing, attractive even, she´d never been a fan of sugar coating things.

“I hear you, I also miss the thrill of certain things, I am not great at just being content and settled. maybe I was when I was younger but yeah. things changed”, she was staring into space but you were looking at her, enjoying the feeling of being close to her, it was a peaceful scene, you two surrounded by silence, only the faint sounds of horses moving, the smell of earth and fresh air and hay, something comforting and serene about it, you patted her leg sympathetically, “but you´ll be fine, I can tell, you´re tough” she turned to look at you then, the feeling of your hand on her instantly pulling her out of her thoughts, your expression was soft, it had been a while since someone had looked at her like that, “that I am, yes” she said, a slight grin. 

she pointed towards your chest “okay that jacket really isn´t warm enough, you´re shivering”, you hadn´t realized because you were so lost in the joyful feeling of being with her, but she was right, your body had quickly grown cold from just sitting there, “do you have a fireplace in your house?” she asked, “no, just some heaters that only work half the time. wait, do you?”, “yeah, I think Joel left it on earlier so the rooms would warm up a little”, “damn, it really does pay off to come here as a relative of someone in town huh? they gave you the fancier kind of house”, “guess so. so much for everyone being equal around here, right?” she joked, you smiled, “I mean I´ll share our luxuries, gladly, you could come warm up if you want. jesus your hands are red” she said, holding one of your your hands in both of hers, shielding it from the icy air, your breath hitched as you felt her skin on yours, she rubbed your hand a little in attempt to get the blood flow going again, “yeah no, we´re going inside, I won´t be responsible for giving you fucking hypothermia out here, come” she said, pulling you up, the word “we” swirling around in your head, all those details you pick up on when you like someone, the first time of her referring to the two of you as a union, as “we”. 

you almost felt dizzy from that whole exchange, by the sudden tenderness, her worry for your well being. most nights you could have sat there for hours and nobody would´ve come to bother you or check on you, but there she was, watching out for you, paying attention. after so many years on your own, day after day of floating around, never being tethered to someone, it was almost overwhelming, to be touched, to be seen, taken care of in some small way. 

you both walked fast, clouds of smoke from your breath in the air, the streets empty, indirect light from a few windows illuminated the snowy road little, “okay almost there” Tess said as you approached their house. she was relieved that it was dark, since it meant Joel wasn´t home yet and she would have hated nothing more than her one on one time with you being cut short. 

once you were inside, she turned on a few smaller lights in favor of the big overhead one, “don´t be shy, make yourself comfortable” gesturing towards the fireplace where a medium sized flame was slowly burning away, the couch only a few feet away from it, “want a drink?” she asked from across the room as she made her way towards the kitchen, “uh, sure yeah” you answered, while scanning the room. it was clear that they´d just moved in, but it was cozy nonetheless, lots of old wooden furniture, a few clothes thrown over the chairs, a few pretty pink flowers on the dining table, probably a housewarming gift from someone. 

you got rid of your jacket and crouched down in front of the fire, warming your hands for a second, feeling the heat on your face, which almost hurt since your body temperature was a sharp contrast, but very shortly after you could feel your cheeks flushing, your hands getting less stiff, your muscles relaxing. as Tess walked back into the room she smiled to herself, the view of you doing that endearing to her, “nice huh?”, she asked, “yeah I think I could fall asleep on the floor right here” you mused as you got up to join her on the couch. she held out a drink to you, which looked better than you´d expected: a few ice cubes, a slice of lemon, you didn´t bother asking what was in it, you just leaned on the armrest of the couch, pulled your legs up onto the cushions and took a big sip as she did the same. you both exhaled at the same time after, “damn, this is better than the drinks at the bar” she was flattered, “well, I´ve learned a thing or two about improvising with whatever ingredients I have access to. she was quicker than you with downing the contents of the glass, clearly not a lightweight, you set yours down too after a few more sips. she had also gotten comfortable, her arm lazily thrown over the back of the couch, an achingly hot pose for her to be in, the way a lot of guys usually sat, it had been a long time since you´d come across a woman like her and it was waking something in you up, slowly but surely.

“you should be careful with being a good host. I might start showing up here more than you´d like. you know, that thing of not feeding stray cats because otherwise they´ll wait on your doorstep every day” she laughed, amused by that comparison, “well, I happen to like cats, so” there was a longer, charged pause after she said that in a tone low enough to make it clear she wasn´t just saying it plainly, that there was a clear double meaning in there. you both just looked at each other, neither of you breaking eye contact, but also not growing nervous either, it was comfortable to share a wordless moment of connection, the light of the fire drenching your facial features in a golden hue, not helping either of you with your painfully intense attraction. “can I ask you a question, and you promise to answer it honestly?” you smiled, tilting your head, “sure” you had nothing to lose, you´d tell her whatever she wanted to hear. “why are you so different with me than with the others?” she asked, a seriousness to it, not letting you off the hook, her eyes remaining on yours.

you thought for a second, the truth seemed simple to you, “well, I like you”. she shook her head, “no, that´s not a good enough answer, try again. I´m not daft, I can tell you like me, what I asking you is why”. you pointed at her then, “well there is one reason, I like that you tell me to do things, that you aren´t timid or weirdly careful with me” she nodded slowly, something dawned on her, “okay I see, you like when I boss you around, huh?”, you shrugged, “perhaps”. she was alert then, her posture shifting to a more upright position, instinctively leaning a bit closer to you since the conversation had turned in a way that was affecting her on a deeper level, “I mean-” you continued, “on a more heartfelt note, when I saw you interacting with people I just felt that there was a strength to you that I´d rarely seen in anyone else, makes me feel at ease. I guess there´s something secure about you, something solid and.. I don´t know calming. I like being around people who are stronger than me, not just physically, I don´t always need to be the tough one in the roomm you know, I really don´t” you leaned your head back against the cushions then, turning to face her, looking up at her, and she was in awe of how your entire physicality had changed, how pretty much all of your walls had come down, you looked almost angelic to her in that moment, she shook her head a little, a gentle smile as she spoke in a quiet voice, “they all got you so wrong, huh?”, “how so?” you asked, remaining in your comfortable position, without hesitation she reached out and caressed your cheek, softly, “you´re such a sweet girl. and they have no idea”. you were entirely hers then, it was done, the feeling of her fingers on your face, the deep affection, the way she´d figured you out completely, you were melting right in front of her, hardly anyone had ever called you sweet, she could see in your face that she´d hit you right in the heart, “not for just anyone” you said, earnestly, weight to her words, wanting her to know it was special for you, to let someone in.

she nodded, her hand still on your face, “you want me to take care of you, hm?”, you nodded, your eyes like you were looking up at a god, pleading for mercy, for light, for love, her whole body was flooded with warmth and not because of the fire, “nobody´s ever given you what you really need, right?”, it was like she was reading you, saying all the deepest most intimate things you´d never dared to express, to anyone, pulling them out of you, she brushed her thumb over your lower lip, watching every last bit of composure leave your spirit. the moment her hand left your skin you looked devastated, a satisfied smile on her face as she leaned back, letting you sit in the feeling that had just crashed over you because of her, before giving you a gentle order, “come here” she said, her hand waving you closer, and the moment she said it you climbed over to her, reaching for her but before you could decide what to do, she already had her hands firmly on the back of your head, eagerly pulling you in for a kiss, fully in control, you didn´t have to do anything but lean into it, her lips warmer and softer than you expected, but a clear force in there, she kenw you didn´t need it to be slow and chaste, she knew you needed it visceral and intense, your hands found her neck as you opened up for her, the kiss turning sloppy and needy in an instant, the taste of her hot and sweet, a residue of liquor on her tongue, you didn´t even try to suppress any sounds as her tight grip slowly turned you into a desperate mess, once you seperated to get some air you just stared at each other, out of breath, skin on fire, faces glowing, eyes lowered like you were fixing prey.

without much time to lose you pulled your shirt over your head, you wanted her to see you, it had been ages since anyone had admired your naked form, and you were dying to give yourself over to her, for someone to make use of your body, to derive pleasure from it, once you were left topless, only your lower half still clothed, Tess felt a deep reverence for you, leaning closer to slowly run her hand from the top of your chest down over your tits, resting it there, marveling at you “god. you´re fucking perfect..”, your breath was shallow, an impatience growing in you, so you closed the distance to kiss her again, feeling her grab your tits rather hard, yet somehow the passion was not enough for you yet even though you were already practically devouring each other, so you pulled away, your lips still apart as you said something you had never said before.

“spit in my mouth” you practically begged her, your tone not playful or provocative but earnest, an urgency to it, she was barely inches from you and realized that you weren´t asking her to degrade you, you were offering up total submission to her, it was something of an honor, to be the sole witness of your surrender, so she placed her hands on the sides of your face, looking down at you, almost cradling your head, your tongue flat, like you were waiting to take communion, she didn´t do it with force or malice, letting her saliva drip into your mouth slow and thick like honey, watching you take it, without any hesitation you closed your mouth and swallowed, it felt natural, right, to try and become one with her like that, to feel some part of her running down your throat, Tess was staring down at you with nothing but pure adoration by that point, she didn´t even have to tease you or edge you to give yourself up, nothing, you had done it out of your own want, which turned her on even more than if she´d had to push you, “such a good girl, aren´t you?” she cooed, fingers in your hair, your hands on her back, your eyes went wide as she said that, it didn´t escape her, that she´d hit gold, “say that again” you pleaded, a smile from her then as she leaned close to your ear, her voice sultry and deep, a whisper “good girl”, one of her hands lower on your body then, your chest flushed from arousal.

“I thought about this all week” you confessed, feeling her mess with the waistband of your jeans, “yeah, what did you do while thinking about me?” she teased as her hand slipped into your underwear, a sharp breath in from you, it was hard to speak, so she pressed further, “something like this?”, her fingers finding your wetness then, getting coated it in, slowly moving them up and down, teasing you, you nodded, moans starting to leave you, “feels better when I do it, hm?”, “yes” you uttered, before another desperate sound escaped you, her movements were steady and skilled, not erratic, creating a delicious ache in your core, your nails starting to dig into her back as she had you pinned to the couch, “please Tess..” you begged, it was clear that you needed more, she could feel her fingers practically dripping from your slickness by that point, so she pushed two of them into you, not too fast, but her fingers were bigger than yours so there was a moment of pain, but you took it, letting her go knuckle deep, she could tell you´d winced a little at first, “look at you, all quiet and behaved” she praised, “you can be louder sweetie, it´s okay” she encouraged, not minding a little whining, you relaxed a little as she started figuring out how best to fuck you, finding a rythm that would suit you, to get you to unravel, a heartfelt “fuck..” from you as she hit a certain spot, she leaned down to kiss your neck then as she kept her fingers at that angle, hitting your weak spot, drinking up all the sweet sounds you were making for her, the scent of your skin driving her crazy as she left kisses all over your throat, easy access since your head was thrown back. 

your moans were turning into cries as you felt yourself throbbing around her fingers, the heat at your core growing more intense each time she pushed into you, the feeling of being trapped beneath her, her lips and teeth on the side of your neck, her hand drawing out a pleasure unlike you´d ever felt, it all left you helpless and shaking in the face of your approaching climax, “fuck Tess” you got out, she could feel you clenching around her fingers, “it´s okay, I got you”, she pulled back to watch you then, a vulnerability to it as your hips moved up more violently, a few harder thrusts into you got you to claw into her back and shudder as you came around her fingers, a deep satisfaction in her as she saw your face twist in pleasure, your mouth open, your hair all messed up; it was all she needed to almost cum herself, that sight, burned into her mind already.

 once your muscles went slack she moved her fingers from inside of you to your clit, a few last lingering touches as you felt the aftershocks of the orgasm until Tess let go of you, slowly moving to her side of the couch, knowing that some people need a little space after they cum, but in that moment, with her, you didn´t; the second you regained some strength you got up and moved over to put your hands on around neck and look at her up close, not a care in the world about the fact that you were still topless, an exhausted but bright smile on your face, she shook her head, hands on your bare waist, “god, you´re fucking killing me..” she admitted, you cocked your head, “am I? I haven´t even returned the favor yet” you said, a grin, “no need, I got what I wanted, trust me”, she said, caressing you, “makes two of us then” you whispered before kissing her again, slower than before, a laziness to it, it was late, you were both tired, but blissed out, content, holding onto each other. 

after a moment she urged you to put your shirt back on, not wanting you to get cold, even though she missed your skin the second she moved her hand away from your back. once you were dressed again you came back to your senses a little, a giddiness to you then, both of you almost shy for a second, laughing at the same time, sitting there next to each other, a little in disbelief, “you know having no friends and no relatives around here has its perks, I won´t have to justify this to anyone” you joked, she raised her eyebrows, “well good on you sweetheart, me on the other hand, I doubt Joel would love to explain to his brother that the friend that he vouched for is messing around with the girls here”, you feigned shock, “girls? i´m one of many, huh?” she laughed, “you know what I mean”, you nodded, “sure, I get it, you could try blaming it on me, just say I relentlessly pursued you”, “right, so kind of the truth, hm?” she teased, “fuck off” you said, pushing her in the side, but smiling still, “you were the one who showed up late at night, not me” she couldn´t argue with that, “right”, “I mean, not that I´m complaining, do it again any time you want please”, she nodded, smiling “if you insist”. you both just sat there for a moment, absentmindedly holding hands, until you realized how late it had gotten and that Joel must be getting home soon, “I should probably go, I doubt you wanna explain this to your roomie”, an ironic emphasis on the last word, she laughed, “right, no, let´s save that for another time.”

Tess wished she could have told you to stay, but she knew it would have been awkward as hell for all three of you to be in the same house, so she let you get up to go put on your jacket and shoes, watching you from the couch. before you could leave, you went back over to her once more to lean down and kiss her goodbye, a tender gesture that you wouldn´t have just done for a hook up and she could tell, still in awe of how willing you were to be like that with her, “I´l see you tomorrow then?” she asked, obviously counting on it, “yes, and if not I´ll find you”, she caressed your cheek “good. but have a good night first, sleep well”, you turned to leave as you said “you too. and thank you, for.. well everything”, feeling her loving gaze on your back as you went outside, the cold air hitting you in the face so hard you didn´t even realize that Joel was approaching the house until you were only a few feet away from him,, too lost in your feelings for Tess to feel embarrassed or weird about it, giving him a nod, he suppressed a grin, opting for a polite smile instead as he made his way past you up the stairs, “have a good rest of the night” he said, “yeah, you too!” you answered, barely aware of his presence as the feeling of Tess all over you was still clouding your mind. 

the moment he walked through the door, Tess was a little scared of his reaction to having seen you come out of their house at that hour, but he dropped his jacket over a chair and said “well you sure as hell didn´t waste any time, huh?, his tone giving away that he was amused, relief washing over Tess as he flopped down onto the couch next to her, that familiar groan from him at the end of a long day. “so I take it this is your way of telling me you´re okay with me having her over?” she asked, eyeing him, he realized she´d been unsure whether he´d be mad or not, it was a funny thought to him, since Tess was so rarely timid around him, “I don´t mind, you can have her here. I mean, she´s not bad to look at, so I won´t complain”, she shot him a glare “you keep your eyes to yourself when she´s here, got it?” he laughed, “god that poor girl has no idea what she´s in for, with your possessive ass”.

she grinned, “oh please, she loves it”, he considered it, stretching out his legs, getting comfortable, “guess she does. man, you really found your match in her, huh? you two are a bit insane for this, but hey, I respect it, gotta find joy one way or another” she could tell he meant it, “exactly. maybe you should give it a try too, I saw at least a handful of women turning to look back at you the past few days” he shook his head, “no, thank you. I´ll leave the midlife thing of dating young girls to you”, shedidn´t fight him on it, “fine, I´m better at it anyway” she teased back, “judging from that smile that was frozen on that girl´s face you might actually be right”, she liked hearing that, “oh really?”, he nodded, “you should feel really good about yourself my friend, two weeks here and you already cracked the supposedly toughest one of them all” she leaned back, closing her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the fire and the familiar vibe with Joel and the memory of you, thinking about how only she had gotten to see your true core, that beautiful look on your face, only for her. she knew she´d have to show you just how grateful she was for making her arrival in Jackson that much better than she had dared to hope for.

Tess was not a spiritual person, but somehow it did seem like fate of some sort, that you two had ended up in the same place and understood each other so instinctively, that both of you slept much better that night knowing someone else in that town would always see you for who you really were. 

[galedekarios]

Am I the only one who thinks that something very different is happening in some people's games from mine? Cause I still keep seeing people talking about how gale is constantly trying to get in their pants and ???? even when romancing him you literally can't have sex until well into act 2, and he has no romance content unless the player makes the first move in the weave scene. He's actually one of the most subtle of the companions on this, several of the others very blatantly come onto you whether you've ever chosen romance dialogue with them or not. But it's gale people talk about. I'm confused what is actually happening when they say that

no, you're not the only one. i think anyone who pays the least bit of attention to and/or actually played gale's romance storyline for themselves will understand that his romance is a slowburn.

people keep regurgitating the crap they've heard from someone else and now it's turned into this bizarre twilight zone take of who gale is and how his romance is.

those scenes simply do not exist where he "constantly tries to get into your pants". gale has very few scenes that are or can be romantic: the weave scene. the conversation at the tiefling party. the flirt in the shadow-cursed lands. last night alive scene. the boat scene.

like you pointed out, if you want to romance gale, you as the player have to actively choose options to express an interest in him and actively choose to pursue him at several points:

during the weave scene, it's you as the player who has to imagine a kiss or a romantic walk. during the tiefling party, it's once again you who have to flirt with him. you have to actively initiate any sort of romance with him since gale doesn't do it on his own for various reasons.

i've also seen people like to blame this perception on his release bug, but i honestly think it's more or less just an excuse to perpetuate negativity and hate directed at a character they already disliked.

if it was truly just the bug, then i wonder where the same energy was for k*rlach, who for the longest time had the same bug if you romanced gale. the option to tell her that you were in a relationship with him never went away, even when you picked it several times, and she took rejection much worse. nvm that even without bugs, she wakes you up in the middle of the night going "i want to ride you until you see stars" once your approval gets high enough. but no, it's crickets.

the simple truth is that many of the companions come on much stronger, much much earlier in the game. k*rlach is just an example here (lae does it too, ast*rion, etc) - and that isn't meant as criticism or hate against those companions btw, they're all different people with different stories and different characters and it makes sense for them.

it's the double standard of the fandom that gets me.

you don't have to like gale. feel free to hate him. but at least hate him accurately lol.

[meowsticmarvels]

one of the things i WILL give zero time dilemma credit for is how most of the past participants from 999 and vlr just. get Worse mentally.

junpei the hero-type character in 999 who's a bit awkward but tries to save everyone to struggling with the trauma from it all and his detective work in ztd. now falling down the path of cynicism. he says he used to drink himself to sleep most nights and slept in the shower just to get the blood off. by the time of ztd he's learned not to trust people and knows people have to die - he just wants akane to be safe at LEAST. even if it means sacrifice.

with akane its not as obvious but she's no longer got the control she had in the nonary game. she's alive, junpei saved her, but she's not zero anymore. she can't prevent people from dying like she did in her nonary game. losing junpei makes her lose it a few times - to the point of violence towards carlos and its so insane. or her willingness to sacrifice d-team and other versions of c-team so they can SHIFT elsewhere. it's crazy. she also knows, vaguely, about the radical-6 apocalypse future and it's vlear from how she acts in c-end that she's willing to go to any measures to stop it

sigma's come back from the future having spent 45 long years preparing for the 2074 nonary game, almost completely alone on the moon. he watched diana die, built luna in his grief, and now sees her here. he KNOWS what he's done to kyle. and now he's trapped in the opposite situation as himself in vlr - the mind of a 67-year old man stuck in a 22-year old's body. and it's clear from how he acts and some of the things he talks about that the decades he spent on the moon like that clearly do not leave a person normal at the end of it

and then there's phi. her change isn't as noticeable unless you really pay close attention to her dialogue but its worth bringing up that for her, mentally since she spent the 45 years sigma experienced in cold sleep VLR only happened a few days prior to the decision game. she has a few days at dcom but her, sigma and akane spend most of those worrying about radical-6. and as a flashback with her and diana shows she's just... tired, after everything. where she could be scared about her death a few times in vlr gives way to her now being completely apathetic to her death in ztd. she's the only player who doesn't react at all to being executed, and in the "fire" fragment no matter what option she doesn't feel her life matters enough to be worth sacrifice. she's also notably more emotional than she is in vlr - see how she's driven to break down in tears when sigma dies in that same fragment, or lashing out at delta out of pure frustration and anger! which she would've never done in vlr! (though she does stop dio the same way, that's more out of necessity to stop him, with delta it's more just pure frustration)

its just. idk it's something i think about a lot. i looove when characters are allowed to get worse and visibly shown to struggle with the things theyve been through before in a previous entry and is something i do actually find insane about ztd

[crisis-starter]

This is a retelling of the Promise Event written in third person through Bonnie’s eyes. I adhered to the dialogue of said event, mostly playing with thoughts and emotions.

This is a part of the CIAS AU!

I also gave up on using the nicknames, since I was already using words that wouldn’t ever cross a child’s mind.

)•{+}•<>+<>•{+}•(

Snack time.

Third floor snack room.

Talk of death and funerary procedure.

They heard the adults talk amongst themselves, and then they felt something… someone looking at Bonnie. There was a pause in the air. An eerie stillness. That someone definitely realized that they stopped working on the snacks.

That’s when Siffrin spoke up, albeit quietly, “…Bonnie?”

Bonnie was silent for a few moments. Then they responded, “…What?” They had no filter. They wanted to express their thoughts. But it seems that it was that simple word that shook everyone else to the core. Made them realize they made a mistake. But Siffrin continued, somberly, “Were you listening to us just now?”

Bonnie paused again. They stayed silent, unable to meet Siffrin’s eye, which glistened with concern. “…I don’t wanna talk about it…” and that’s when the emotional restraint fell and turned to dust, “I don’t wanna talk about it! I don’t want to talk about any of us dying!”

Isabeau expressed his shame in his own actions, “Oh, Bonnie…” The tone and expression was enough to mark that as fact.

Mirabelle tried to comfort them by trying to maybe explain, calling their name in a voice laced with guilt and worry.

Siffrin was saying nothing, but his expression was that of a mix between slight panic and concern. He almost looked frustrated with themselves for what they did. He wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out. Not yet.

Odile started, trying to ease Bonnie even though that isn’t her strong suit, “Please, listen to-“ But they didn’t let her.

Bonnie’s emotions were just too raw. They cried, “No! You’re all stupid for talking about this! Stupid, stupid, stupid!” They suddenly heard footsteps. Siffrin was approaching them. They didn’t know what Siffrin was planning to do, but they didn’t want it. The rogue had his hand extended to do something, and that’s when Bonnie started to make mistakes.

A pain was starting to grow in the back of their head. Bonnie yelled, anguished, “Don’t touch me!” Their voice lowered a little, but the words didn’t lose their deadly edge, “Curse you, Frin! Don’t come near me! I don’t want you to touch me, I don’t want you to talk to me, I don’t want you to even LOOK AT ME!” Tears streamed down Bonnie’s face, their voice wavering in tandem, “I don’t want to think about ANY OF THIS!”

The pain was getting worse. The air felt weird. But Bonnie wasn’t paying attention to that. They just knew Siffrin was trying to approach them again, so they retaliated with more venomous words, “NO! STOP, STOP! DON’T COME NEAR ME!”

Then they made their biggest mistake yet. The air is around them was weird. It smelled weird. It smelled wrong, yet Bonnie had to say something, “I HATE YOU, FRIN! If you like to talk about how everyone will die then you should just get it over with and die, Frin! I don’t care! I hate you!”

Siffrin’s face fell into something Bonnie wasn’t used to seeing on him. It wasn’t sadness no, it was… deeper than that. Part of Bonnie wanted to stop talking, stop sharing, stop saying anything at all, just to stop Frin from showing him that face, letting them discover what despair looked and felt like. That part of them wanted to just make them smile again. But no. Bonnie dug their grave deeper, despite the smell of caramel getting worse, getting thicker, getting nauseatingly abundant, “I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou I HAAAAATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!” And one last one to finish off this horrible display, “I HATE YOU FR-“

Bonnie didn’t even finish their sentence before something happened. Their headache was gone. But Siffrin was no longer in front of them. They weren’t facing their friends. But then Bonnie heard Mirabelle, “…What about you, Siffrin?”

Siffrin looked utterly lost. Their expression was unreadable. They weren’t meeting anyone’s eyes. The were silent for a moment before handing a frankly very blunt statement, “Bury me somewhere. Can we talk about something else?” Belle responded, “Oh…” Isabeau looked away, seemingly ashamed, “Yeah, sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

Bonnie remembered what they said. Then they started to feel horrible. Sick. How could they say that to Siffrin? Now Siffrin was upset! But well, they had to do something to make the rogue happy. Bonnie didn’t want to apologize just yet… they didn’t know how to. They needed to ask Isabeau how to apologize to Siffrin for such a thing.

But now, it’s snack time!

Bonnie paused, looking at everyone. Then they continued, “…Hey, are you done talking? Because…” Bonnie bounded into the circle of friends that were talking about death just a second ago, “It’s snacks time, baby.”

At least Isabeau was smiling as he replied, “Oh, it’s a serious business snack time. I’m listening.” Bonnie responded, “Snack times are always serious business, dummy.” Bonnie was hoping that Siffrin would smile at the ridiculousness of this needlessly stern introduction. But Siffrin couldn’t look at Bonnie in the eyes. It hurt Bonnie, to know they were the cause of this. Nonetheless, Bonnie continued.

Bonnie introduced their snacks. Madeleines, pineapple slices, and fish head. Bonnie secretly glanced at Siffrin every now and then. Siffrin was… spacey. Like they weren’t paying attention. But at least Siffrin answered Bonnie when prompted, “I’ll try the pineapple.” Siffrin’s tone wasn’t right. It sounded kind of like they were… not completely in the moment. Like they were stuck in their thoughts. But hey! Bonnie was happy that Siffrin liked one of their favorite foods!

The amount of fear and worry that filled their entire being when they heard Siffrin start to wheeze upon swallowing the bite of pineapple was unmatched. So scary, they forgot what they said to Frin to make him so upset. The air smelled sugary again. It felt very weird for a second before-

Bonnie woke up. They looked at the field in front of them. Were they… here before? This felt almost too familiar. They were back in Dormont! But weren’t they in the house just a second ago? Weird…

)•{+}•<>+<>•{+}•(

Gonna write more :>

Isabeau’s is next hehe

Let’s hope it goes well!

Have a nice day (or night, wherever you are)!

[ghoulphile]

I absolutely love ur fics!! And I want to write fics of my own soon (not for fallout yet..) can u give me any advice/tips? How do u try to write down the characters as accurate as possible?

Aww thank you so much!!

That's awesome, I'm glad you're getting into writing ❤️

I'm more than happy to talk about what works for me; however, no two writers are alike so some things might resonate and some might not.

Take what does, and leave what doesn't.

Read - a lot. Published works, fanfic, poetry, novellas, series, oneshots, longfic; read it all. Explore different genres and storylines. Find what you like about them, and what you dislike. What makes them good or bad in your opinion. Play around with what you'd do differently if it was your story. All of this will help you figure out a few things: one being what you personally like in storytelling, and two the basic structure of storytelling/what makes it compelling.

Find your voice. We all have a unique tone when telling a story, verbally or otherwise. Figuring out what your personal voice is will help you write authentically but also I can guarantee you're going to be 10,000x more happy with what you come up with.

Showing vs telling is a delicate balance. Sometimes things need to be written out plainly, and other times it works better if you add more meat to the sentence. An example would be: she's angry vs her heart rate pulsed in her temples, her fists shaking at her sides as a wave of heat rolled through her body. While they both convey the same thing, one can be more engaging to read over another.

Sometimes you have to write the boring bits - and write them plainly - to further the plot.

Most people are not a walking thesaurus, and using big fancy words like you're writing a dissertation can be very off putting. Absolutely use stronger words if you can, but you don't need to be using furfuraceous to replace scaly.

Additionally, forward momentum: one action should always lead into another which leads into another and so on.

A first draft is never pretty (if you decide to do multiple drafts) and that's okay.

If you get stuck, go back several sentences. Sometimes we write ourselves into a corner without realizing. OR add what you want in brackets and move on if you're getting hung up on certain parts. An example being something like: He was [find word for mix of angry and sad] but had to stiffen his upper lip and move about his day as if [insert phrase mentioning what happened earlier]. Worse case, put it down for a day or so and come back to it later with fresh eyes.

As mad as it makes me, and as hilarious as it is... writing in Comic Sans helps. RIP.

Saying your sentence out loud can help you figure out if something is off, and saying your dialogue out loud can help determine if it's something an actual person would say.

Taking your time and being patient is the best thing you can do for your creativity otherwise you might burn yourself out.

I find music helpful so I create playlists for every fic I write that matches the vibe I'm going for. Additionally, I have pre-writing rituals that help me get into the headspace.

Yes, cryofreeze your darlings - put them somewhere safe for later. You can use those sentences for something else, they don't need to be completely deleted.

As for keeping characters... well, in character, it depends. Watching/listening to/reading whatever media they're in and paying close attention to the words they say + how they say them + if they have any specific phrases, the way they move + their actions + how they react to things helps a lot. Personally, I keep little lists of things I've noticed that I can refer to if I need them. And sometimes, you just have to suspend your disbelief a little and determine how someone might react to the particular situation you've put the character in. When it comes to that, I tend to think back on when I've been in similar situations or have felt the way they should in that scene, and use how I've reacted as a touchstone.

Write what YOU'D want to read.

And most importantly, HAVE FUN.

I hope this helped, nonnie~!!

Happy writing, you've got this 🥰

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

I think we are not paying enough attention to this little dialogue in terms of contextual info, we are all going straight to the meat of it, which is not wrong, ofc, but we are missing something SUPER important in terms of character development.

Carmy quit smoking

In another of his totally IC "bad choices with worse timing", our favest Italian chef, an addict, son and brother of addicts, workaholic, and with a severe case of C-PTSD and functional depression, has quit smoking during one of the most stressful moments of his life: When he open his dream spot and is USD 850K in debt, chasing a Michelin Star and right after having experienced a nervous breakdown in a walk-in, which he experienced as trauma for having let down the woman he... fumbles.

Not the best moment to switch to gum if you ask me. Maybe to switch to Prozac, but not to gum and no nicotine patches.

I have seen heavy addicts punch holes in walls due to their uncontrollable urge to smoke or get a fix of whatever their substance of choice was and we are not even talking about abstinence attacks, just regular repression of the urge in an attempt to control it.

I've seen people cut themselves for the same.

When an addict experiences those intense waves of frustration, their behavior becomes even more erratic than usual. Usually, this leads to anger issues, but not always. Sometimes they can control themselves enough to look "functional" on the outside, but deep down they know they can crack any minute. They struggle with chronic insomnia or any other sleep disorders, eating disorders, all accessories to the addiction they are either suffering or trying to recover from.

I have nothing but compassion for Carmy at this moment. Not making excuses for him, no. I come from a place of understanding and COMPASSION based on contextualization and honesty.

I am not keen on ignoring elephants in rooms.

He deserves the only lifeline he has left not to be taken away from him when he needs her the most, to still have a fighting chance. And I'm fucking dying on this hill.

I'm sure Syd has too much of a good heart to disagree with me on this one.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[sparxaf]

Let's talk about s*x baby...

Or more specifically, let's talk about sex scenes. I spent all day yesterday binging some stories on my favorite terrible book app that I won't name. They're mostly very bad, but highly entertaining. I read one that was actually good, even the sex scenes (which is usually where even the decent stories falter). But it was odd. Despite being well-written, the end of every steamy scene fell flat. After the third one, I realized the problem. Every sex scene ended with a sparsely detailed orgasm and someone climbing off the other and putting on their underwear. There was no emotional break between the act of sex and the next action/dialogue. The writer completely neglected the afterglow. Think of something similar to this:

His thrusts sped and he tightened his grip on her hair, as a harsh growl ripping from him as he came. He rolled over and reached for his underwear and she sighed contentedly as he slid them on and headed for the bathroom.

It was so fucking abrupt, I was like, wait what? No amount of well-placed similes or delicious dirty talk can save a scene that doesn't leave you with an emotion, and that's what was missing. The author didn't get that the details of sex aren't as important as the emotions they invoke. Every romantic sex scene should (ideally) have an emotional purpose. It should either push the relationship forward or further apart. Love scenes are really just emotional catharsis disguised as someone getting their back blown out.** So we need a moment. A space to breathe and feel something before the scene moves on:

His thrusts sped and he tightened his grip on her hair, as a harsh growl ripped from him and he came. He breathed heavily against her neck, his body quivering with aftershocks, his world tilted sideways from the feel of her shaking beneath him. After catching his breath, he pressed kisses to her neck and she giggled. Then, he rolled over and reached for his underwear.

It's not a huge thing. I didn't make the afterglow a super deep and profound moment, but I put a space there, a single emotional reaction between the orgasm and the aftermath, so the reader can catch their breath. He recognized how good it felt and then, they shared a little cuddle. If you want to take it further, you can add a tiny bit of banter.

His thrusts sped and he tightened his grip on her hair, as a harsh growl ripped from him and he came. He breathed heavily against her neck, his body quivering with aftershocks, his world tilted sideways from the feel of her shaking beneath him. After catching his breath, he pressed kisses to her neck and she giggled. "Wow," she said. "Mmm," he rolled over and reached for his underwear before pulling her back to him and kissing her soundly. "Give me twenty minutes and we can do that again."

That's not great, but hopefully you get the idea. I feel like this advice still works for non-romantic smut as well. Even if the sex is rough or antagonistic, you should put an emotional beat in between the orgasm and the transition.

There are few things worse than unfulfilling sex and the same is true for sex scenes. In many ways, they're the same thing. If you want it to be good you have to pay attention to pace and rhythm, appreciate the moment, and don't get up and put on your underwear immediately after coming, like your partner is a video game NPC you're done engaging with.

Happy writing!

**I kept visualizing sex scenes as a singular emotion wearing a trench coat and hat, like the three kids in a coat on Bojack Horseman. Which made me snort laugh, but I couldn't figure out a way to incorporate that description into the post itself. So you get it here. You're welcome.

[opinated-user]

out of curiosity, I searched "violate" on the comic blog again...

nothing showed up.

https://archive.li/h70Nb , tooootally unrelated link pay ab-so-lutley nooo attention in any wayyyy

it's officially gone.

i searched for it from the start of the comic and the entire arc has been scrapped. but you know what is still there? the aftermath when CLO asks G to explain why she metaphorically raped her and CLO tells her that she'd (as 14 year old, mind you) would have consented to mental sex with an adult if that adult had just asked her.

this is the comic right before the entry i just mentioned. if you're a first time reader who never heard about Violate before, you'd have no idea what G did that needed any explaining. next there's a comic of CLO and CMO talking about the situation. followed up G, the child rapist, feeling sad about being a child rapist to her then girlfriend Butterfree, CLO still putting the lock on her room, CMO talking to G and CMO using Lizzy's real name to convince CLO to forgive the creature that raped her as a child.

the comic of CLO asking forgiveness to G is still there and i still hate it just as much as the first day i saw it.

the part in red are there to remark this: this is the dialogue of a survivor of CSA towards her own rapist. in the context of this story, CLO, as the victim, doesn't have a right to be cold or mean to G because "she" (the child rapist, if you forgot) "deserves better".

this story is still asking me to forgive a child rapist and thinks she deserves better. i want to scream. it gets worse when you add the context of everything Courtney talked about and it really sounds like what LO wishes her sister had said to her after Courtney was finally able to stop the molestation at her hands. we also still have the comic of CLO assuring G "i could never hate you" and telling that they're are okay. because that's something you want to read between a child rapist and her victim.

she deleted G actually talking to CLO about the mating bond, but she still left the mess behind how the other characters reacted to this behind. she deleted the confrontation and left the abuse apologia anyway. what is even the point then? now she just made a confusing mess. the Violate arc page is still in the wiki and now i just found out that not only was only two months that passed for CLO to completely forgive G for what she did, but also G apparently was killing people for discovering about the mating bond.

either killing them or taking away their ability to speak somehow, both horrific actions that make G even less sympathetic that she was after violating a child. just imagine that somewhere off screen, there's a ditch where G kept dumping bodies because they could have told CLO about how she was basically raped as a child.

but she "deserved better". she just does. because she's actually what LO wishes she could be, a sympathetic child molester that is a badass that can kill with one look and also got unconditional love from the people she abused even when she doesn't actually deserve it.

that's not all, anon. that's not all at all.

in the section of "character development" of the wiki for this arc, the one that had all the trauma and stress was G.

"willing to attack a child". a normal, healthy and more than that, understandable reaction to your victim potentially finding out that she was molested. feel sorry for G, anon. she felt bad about raping a child, which is even worse than being raped as a child by someone you thought was a friend if you think about it! /s at least according to LO it is! also G won't even attempt to improve as a person in any sort of way after she went through the trauma of raping a child as a fully mature adult. because the trauma of raping a child doesn't make you stronger, anon. it just wounds you.

putting aside my feelings for this horrible idea, you all know what to do: keep the archives of violate and share them up as much as possible, including the wiki page. it's only a matter of time before LO starts denying the arc was ever there and start saying that we wrote Violate or something.

[craftlands]

Idk I feel like the people who Shamane, Kaalaa, and Kanjira are supposed to represent should get a say in if they think they are offensive in some way

This also will sound kinda off but I think there are way worse depictions in other media.

That isn't to say there shouldn't be a discussion this is just my opinion

Also just cause I am bad at paying attention but is Kanjira Indian or something else

I was looking at the description that gives her age and it just says unknown but I may have missed it in dialogue

(Oh and if you are one of the people that the characters "represent" then sorry if this came off as rude)

Kanjira's Indian, but the "fortune teller/thief" design is very much rooted in Rromani stereotypes and she plays a lot into those -- i'm honestly just thankful that the g-slur never got dropped as i was legitimately waiting for that to happen every single time she was onscreen, it's That Obvious. there's a long history of discussion of these tropes and how they're harmful -- while i am not able to find specific sources at the current moment, they are absolutely out there.

i'd also like to point out that she speaks in broken English nearly constantly. you could argue that this is "because she's a kid and English isn't her first language" but i would like to then point out that Matilda, who is two years younger than her, almost never does the same thing despite English also not being her first language (and her showing active disdain for learning it). that's... really not great!

Kaalaa Baunaa i think is... the least bad, having played the story? her design is still, to be blunt, rather sexualized, but there's at least been some amount of effort as far as i can tell (i do like her connections to astronomy, which is a very long tradition in India that dates back very far). i'd love to see her in actual traditional garb still, but she's definitely the one i'm least equipped to speak on.

Shamane though. oh boy, Shamane is a mess. i love him as a character, he's a delight, but there are a lot of reasons his design is a problem. when i talked about the "ear feather" thing i was more or less explicitly referencing this post, and his name is... questionable? more pertinently, though, he's using a hell of a lot of Native American aesthetics and stereotypes (he's a "shaman" with deep connections to nature, he has "native patterns" baked into pretty much all of his animations, i could go on it gets so much worse) for someone who is ostensibly the child of a regular Indian family.

so... yes, SWANA, Rromani, and First Nations people should get a say in if they think these designs are offensive. and they have been saying designs like these are offensive for years.

[katyspersonal]

For Fausefka!

9. Does this character remind you of anyone you know? Does that affect how you see them?

10. Do you see yourself in this character even without projecting?

For Henriett!

11. How did you “fall in love” with this character?

12. If you could write effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what story (s) would you write for this character?

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

For Fauxsefka

9) Does this character remind you of anyone you know? Does that affect how you see them?

She used to, specifically the idea in my mind of her being the initiator behind obliterating Rom's authority in the Choir after having learned that she "allowed Micolash to get away" and even has been hiding his secrets! It was about the way she was very radical on "choir bad mensis good" and never allowed Rom to defend her point. It reminded me of a certain kind of people that is impossible to debate! Later though, not only her taking the lead clashed with Yurie and Ebrietas being literally right there, but I've found a better way to utilise her strong religious (???) position in a story! Though, perhaps, how these conflicts tend to go will find another way to manifest in the story later?

10) Do you see yourself in this character even without projecting?

No :> And never again. In fact, the big contributor in my admiration for her IS how I could never be her! I always write nearly poems about a type of Soulsborne character that has the 'courage' to transcend even the very basic norms of morality and humanity for greater good, and the moment I've learned Miyazaki called her 'heroic' I could tell why. I am more of a "coward" in this regard. To the better or worse? It is hard to tell. I just always envied the kind of courage that allows to not only overcome the peer pressure entirely, but even your own conscience. I am more like real Iosefka, quietly hoping and researching for the "compromise", unable to do something drastic.

For Henriett

11) How did you “fall in love” with this character?

When I've learned about the implication of her having once been the part of the Healing Church, and then abandoning it to be a hunter, not unlike Gascoigne! This character tells a story without a single line of dialogue, just with her items, set and summon locations! Say all you want about the fan-wiki that inserts their """unasked for""" theories within the objective facts, but in my earlier days THAT was what made me pay attention to it! xD I love the character that can see through the cracks of what they've previously knew and take action! Perceptive type that is not afraid to strongly change to the better, and heck, even 'betray' the friends that choose to live in lies.

12) If you could write effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what story (s) would you write for this character?

There are a few stories I'd love to put in a proper fanfic form! Her life as Healing Church hunter alongside Alfred, and how they've started to research more on people of the past and ended by opposing sides of the "conflict", that would also include prologue/childhood memory of her first having a hunch as a young teen together with Amelia. The story about her and Iosefka trying to contact 'the first hunter stuck in the dream, or so the legend goes' through the weird mirror ritual but it backfiring terribly and them having to get out from Nightmare of Mensis (actually has a thing I even consider 'spoilery' hahahaha). AU-ish story where not only Bloody Crow never kills her, but even gains some sort of 'influence' in his covenant to recover Cainhurst from the shambles, and she is caught between his ideas and Eileen's (more about what the heck am I talking about here ( x )). Her trying and failing to fit within the League!

She is just such an interesting character to work with.. Very cool backstory potential, very vivid image of her personality in my mind! Thank you for asking about the girls!