#and the more attention you pay to her dialogue the worse it gets

[sayakxmi]

The interesting thing about it is that at the first glance it really seems like Kankri’s losing it over nothing. Which, to be fair, he kind of is. Porrim was just being nice to Karkat. But his reaction becomes... actually understandable, given later on we find out that Porrim has no respect for Kankri’s personal boundaries, like trying to touch him, which is the only real instance of us seeing Kankri lose his composure.

And of course the nickname thing, as well as the sweater thing.

And then acts pale toward him at the first opportunity:

An idea he finds uncomfortable. Like any other potential romantic relationship with her.

So while he is overreacting in that one conversation with Karkat present, he’s also doing this, because Porrim apparently never took his “no” for an answer, so he clearly has to repeat himself over and over again.

[heart4caitlin]

THE PERFECT GIRL / paige bueckers

ghostface!paige x fem!reader headcanons!!

cw: blood mention, killing mention, manipulative paige, overstim, lowkey whiney but dom paige, basically no dialogue yay!!

yall met either in elementary or middle school. some random girl was being rude to you and of course paige wanted to stand up for you. and ever since the yall have been best friends

definitely the type to quiet literally go insane once boys or girls start to look at you with interest. she is declining all their offers to you and you're always get upset about it, and she'll always reassure you, "oh come on.. you know i know what's best, y/n."

when you got your first girlfriend, she was livid. always looking at her a certain way, always had something smart to say back to her, anytime you would bring her up she would say something mean about her. she was so much better than your girlfriend so why weren't you dating her?

and when one week your girlfriend just disappeared and you were heartbroken, who was there for you? paige of course. she stayed at your house 24/7 comforting you. would go pick up whatever you wanted and made sure you were alright. while she's holding you in bed she can't help but think back to your girlfriends screams as she tortured her, her crying and begging to be let go because why would y/n's best friend hurt her? anyways

and another week later when her body was found, you were disgusted. who in their right mind would brutally kill someone like that? and paige was there for every moment of it. still holding you while you cried over that worthless girl.

for the rest of high school you never had another girlfriend, too scared of losing that one as well. paige didn't mind at all, maybe just a little bit because she wanted to kill them but....

she was never scared to stand up for you either, especially at parties when guys just would not catch the fucking hint to back off of what's hers. his body was also found two days later, multiple stab wounds covering his body.

when it was time for the both of you to graduate, she followed you to uconn. making sure that both of you could be roommates!! and you were so happy to have your best friend with you there. only problem was her jealous issues got way worse.

since you were an adult now, you were going out more with friends, dressing up in dresses what fit you so well that paige couldn't help but stay home that night and just think of you while touching herself, whining out your name while she cums

goes right back to being normal with you afterwards!! always the one to pick you up while youre drunk out of your mind. making sure you're buckled up in the car, has a cover in the car to cover you up with, if you're hungry she'll always stop somewhere for you

but you start to get real concerned when anyone who asks you out just starts showing up dead? you don't think it's paige at all, you don't catch onto it at first

you go to every single one of her basketball games, being the loudest in the crowd. she's always looking over to you to make sure you're watching her. her favorite is after the game and you run up to her in the court. her wrapping her arms around you, both of you laughing and smiling. she can't help herself but lean down and press her lips to yours, the both of you surprised

after that game she takes you on so many dates, wanting you to see how well she can treat you. she's buying you any and everything you have ever wanted

she hasn't killed anyone in a while, stopped for a couple months once the two of you started dating

that changes once you became friends with a certain group of people. them influencing you to do whatever, one of them being extremely touchy and flirty with you. but you don't pay attention to them, you're head over heels for paige you don't even realize they are flirting with you

andddd they show up dead as well... this murder being the worse one they've seen so far. you don't think anything of it until you you're cleaning yalls dorm/apartment and you find a bag in the room. opening it you see a ghostface mask and knives which are covered in blood

you'd been frozen for over a minute now, not even realizing the paige was walked into the room. you're full of every emotion, you don't know whether to be disgusted, angry, or what

argument breaks out between the two of you, you're yelling at her and accusing her of killing all of your friends. argument ends with paige pushing you against the wall and pressing her mouth against yours, can't help herself but grind herself against you

she's just so whiney while kissing you and trying to speak to you, telling lies about "nonono, i would never do that, you have to believe me, baby.."

ends up with her hands in your shorts, thrusting her fingers deep inside you as you whine for more. you're gone so fast once her thumb finds your clit, rubbing quick circles against it. she can't help but tease you on how "you're such a slut, cumming on my hands knowing that I killed all your friends? your ex girlfriend? just know i'm better than them, hm?"

her movement doesn't stop either as you whine, staring up at her with tears streaming down your face, from the pleasure? or from knowing she killed all those people? you have no idea

her thumb stays rubbing against your clit that you can't help but cum again and again because of her. after your third orgasm she slaps your cunt just slightly before pulling her hand out of your messy shorts.

"can give me more, can't you? waited so long to get you. had to watch people try so hard for you just for them to end up bleeding to death because of me," she's rambling now as she pulls your shorts down, your cum sticking all over your thighs which makes her laugh. "soaking wet as i'm talking about killing them? 's pathetic, y/n." just muttering to herself like she can't stop

forcing you onto the bed as she falls between your thighs, her tongue pushing deep inside you as you cry and try to pull away from the pleasure. she's pulling you back every time, her arms holding you down as you moan for her to stop and slow down. you feel terrible knowing that you're about to cum on her mouth knowing that she killed all those people.. but you just can't help it, she's so hot and just so good at eating you out

eventually you're begging for her cock, random babbles just coming from you as you plead her for more and how "i won't tell anyone, paige!! p-please just want y-you so bad," you're hiccuping and slurring your words slightly from how intense you're orgasms feel

lowkey got carried away with this but i also imagine you either joining her or leaving her... of course joining her would make her extremely happy but leaving?? she's tracking you down and she will find you

taglist for those who commented on the post!! @cosmopretty @martinsgirl @elliecoochieeater @melpthatsme @sweetluna20 @st4rrzynight !!!

[picturejasper20]

So, about that scene at the end of the episode with Dev getting angry with Hazel and Peri.

Dev finds out that his father Dale has barely been paying attention to him at all, as he almost never sees him, because Dale has been studying Hazel and trying to find out why the Lost and Founder's festival went wrong. He gets very emotionally devastated by this, seeing that his father has been paying more attention to his friend than him.

He points out that Dale has been studying Cosmo and Wanda yet he can't seem to notice that Dev has his own fairy under the same roof. As the dialogue continues you can feel the jealousy and bitterness from Dev, getting more and more angry as he speaks.

Hazel tries reasoning with Dev and explain to him that Dale is the one that has been doing all this. In the middle of the conversation she accidentally confesses that she made a wish to understand Dev better in ¨A New Dev-elopment¨ but doesn't explain herself well and Dev misunderstands the situation, thinking that Hazel has been faking being his friend all this time.

In this scene Dev is very confused and upset, he seems to be having what would be close to a trauma response and ends up closing himself off. He says that ¨Dimmadones don't make friends¨ (probably something that Dale taught him) and his trust issues get the worse of him, telling Hazel that he can't trust her and insulting her. Hazel leaves sadly, wishing Dev a happy birthday and goes with Cosmo and Wanda.

Later Peri tries cheering Dev up, he asks for the kid if he wants to wish for something, which leads to Dev to cry and lash out at Peri. He gets angry at Peri for not being there when he needed his help earlier when Vicky was making them all miserable and probably for not telling him about this room where Dale has been all this time. He wishes for Peri to leave him alone and Peri, confused and sad, makes the wish, disappearing from Dev's view.

This makes Dev explode and cry as he leaves marks all over Dale's computer, crossing out anything that is related to fairies and Hazel. He stops for a moment to observe the mess he left on the screen and then leaves the room to what would be cry in his room.

The last moment gives the idea that Dev seems to hate anything related to fairies and Hazel now, as he blames them for ¨stealing¨ his father's affection from him. The problem is that he still doesn't fully realize that Dale wouldn't care about him even if he wasn't busy studying Hazel and the fairies magic. But he believes this is all Hazel and her fairies' fault regardless.

What we see here is Dev having what would be his response to how he deals with his own abandonment issues, which is pushing others away when he gets hurt by something or someone. We have seen him have similar reactions before but, in this episode, it is where this reveal really got the worst of him and now he finds himself alone again like he was at the start of the season, along with an huge hate for Hazel and fairies as a whole.

Some have been theorizing that Dev; now being a vunerable position he is angry, confused and, on top of that, isolated again; could be easily manipulated by an anti-fairy in the upcoming episodes and used for evil plans.

[chaifootsteps]

I think one thing Viv just doesn't get as a writer is that the stuff we see onscreen makes the bigger impression on the audience

we see Stolas repeatedly neglect Via for Blitz and spend most of his screentime after his wife has tried to have him killed obsessing over Blitz? the fans are going to think he's a neglectful dad who cares more about sex/his love life than his own daughter

we see Stolas repeatedly demean Blitz, treat him like a sex object and keep a coercive deal going after he's decided he's in love with him? the fans are going to think he's a hypocrite for claiming otherwise

inserting retcons and exposition text into the dialogue about what a good person Stolas is doesn't fix this. for the retcons it's just whitewashing what already happened instead of addressing it and the offscreen stuff will never make as strong an impression as what we actually see. it's lazy to fix things this way and then blame the fans for not prioritizing

Blitz claiming Stolas was nice to him over the phone on occasion over how he acts every time he's onscreen. Stolas stans love to claim criticals lack comprehension by pointing at what Blitz said in Ozzie's and going 'see? Stolas did treat him nice, Blitz should know better!' and then they ignore that all this happened in the context of a coercive deal we saw Stolas make when Blitz was getting shot at, as if one makes as big an impression or makes up for the other

And for what little we do see the fans who are paying attention tend to notice he's still not as nice as the show claims - just look at the blink and you miss it text exchanges where he offers a total non-apology for Ozzies and still doesn't get what's wrong after being told, then spends the rest of the time being vague and sending mixed signals while Blitz is clear and consistent that he knows the dynamic is: Full Moon is Stolas' night, he pulls the strings, he gets to say what goes and that's still the case in the months Stolas spent dithering around trying to have it both ways.

And when the show is trying to write him as being nice, like in Full Moon, he frequently comes off worse than ever. The way a big part of the fandom is turning on him due to the last two episodes says it all to me - they're starting to remember everything we saw on screen and noticing that the Stolas the show keeps telling us exists and is his true self does not match up with the Stolas we've been shown i.e. the one with all the emotional intelligence of a potted plant

Viv seems to view her shows not so much as stories for the audience, but as glimpses of her very fluctuating headcanons that she's paying someone (albeit not very well) to animate. She doesn't seem to realize that she can't just show her audience one thing and say another on Twitter, and if she decides she doesn't like what she showed everyone, "fix" it with a completely contradicting scene 12 episodes later.

Acceptable things to leave offscreen: the details of frightening scenes so as to make them scarier, the relationships between side-characters, small details like people eating and peeing.

Unacceptable things to leave offscreen: Literally any indication that your main character likes being around his love interest.

[whump-in-the-closet]

My congrats on the follower milestone. For the whump ask thing, perhaps this dialogue?

“My dear Leader, you think you have all the choices right now but really you only have two. You or them? Choose carefully.l

thanks im continuously surprised by how many people put up with my shenanigans <2

cw: creative license was used for this prompt oops, branding, forced to choose, creepy whumper, prisoner whump, team whump, mentions of past torture, implied flogging, restraints and manhandling

Leader had stopped caring. About anything, really. So when the guards chained his hands above him, he let them.

He was past caring. He stared at the tiles with dead eyes. His heart pulsed slowly, each moment dragged out. It was funny, how quickly, everything could fall apart.

Very human fingers brought him out of his mind, grabbing his chin and forcing his face upwards. 

Leader stared at Supervillain. Once– it felt long ago, but it couldn’t have been that long– he would have jerked away from the touch. Snarled a curse. But now he simply couldn’t bring himself to care. So, he took it.

Some of that sentiment must have betrayed itself in Leader's expression because Supervillain's grip tightened, nails breaking skin. “Tired, hm?" They dropped the young man's chin and ran a hand through the strands, the touch deceptively soft before tightening. Supervillain yanked Leader's head up by his hair, forcing him to look straight ahead. "Pay attention."

Two guards brought in a cauldron of burning coals, an iron ominously sticking out. Leader again felt its phantom pain, his side throbbing under its memory. He winced. He couldn’t help it. That– that had hurt. For days. 

There was a brief flicker of sarcasm.

Been there, done that.

It had been a while since Supervillain had resorted to anything so violently painful.

He could take it. 

He’d taken worse. 

Still, Leader did not look at the iron. Or the coals. He stared straight ahead and tried to remember how breathing worked. 

Supervillain smiled down at him like they knew something he didn't. Once the thought appeared, he couldn’t get rid of it. Something was different. Bile worked its way up his throat.

Something was wrong. 

Leader suppressed a shudder.

Before he could take another breath, the other shoe dropped.

A fourth guard carried a bleeding figure into the room. She dropped her burden unceremoniously onto the cold tiles before the cauldron with the branding iron.

The captive's head hit the floor with a sickening thud. They didn’t move. 

Supervillain glanced from the new arrival to Leader, wondering idly when he would make the connection. 

Leader's eyes widened in horror.

Supervillain's smile lit up the room. "Ah, yes. Took you long enough to put two and two together." They leaned in to whisper in Leader's ear. "I found them...oh so alone. A shame, really."

To Leader, the world was spinning and it wouldn’t stop. His vision blurred. 

Surely the captive, with terrible lacerations down their back, barely conscious, visibly shaking– surely, that wasn’t, of all people, Whumpee. 

God. 

Leader made a strangled noise in his throat– a silent scream– like someone had punched him. 

Supervillain stepped back, more than pleased with themself, and beckoned to their guard. They whispered something and the guard nodded. 

Leader couldn’t rip his gaze away from the shaking form that was left of Whumpee. 

Oh.

Oh god.

Leader hadn’t realized he was crying until the tears blurred his vision. He had failed his team. He had failed at the one job he had.

Leader threw up then. His throat burned. Then again, so did his eyes. “Whumpee?” he whispered, the name barely loud enough to be heard. 

No response. 

“What did you do to them?” This too, was whispered. 

No one answered that, either. 

The guard grabbed Whumpee, hauling them to their feet roughly. They cried out when the guard's hands dug into the lashes on their arms.

Leader stiffened. “Let go of them.” Some of the old command worked its way into his voice. 

Supervillain lit a cigarette and flipped the lid of their lighter closed with a flick of their wrist. They nodded to the guard, ignoring Leader.

Immediately, two more guards grabbed Whumpee, shoving them to their knees and bending their arms to awkward angles behind their back. 

Whumpee flinched, shrinking away from their touch. "Please-- P-please don't---"

And Leader snapped. 

That was Whumpee they were manhandling. One of his team. Someone who had stood by him through thick and thin. Someone who had, once, trusted him.

Leader lunged forward. “Don’t touch them! Don’t–” another lunge, the chains digging into his wrists, “Touch them!” 

Supervillain exhaled a breath of smoke. “What an unusual display from you,'' Their voice was sharp, “Pull yourself together.” 

Leader did not pull himself together. He continued to yank against the restraints, all semblance of aloofness gone. “Supervillain, let them go! I’ll do anything. Please!” 

And he meant it. 

Supervillain crouched down beside Leader to exhale another breath of smoke. This time, in Leader's face. “My dear Leader, you think you have all the choices right now but really you only have two." They lowered their voice. "You or them?"

Leader paled to the color of bone. “You– you can’t be serious."

"You remember the branding iron, don't you?" Supervillain's smile was shark-like, bright in the darkness. “You know what that’s like.” They pressed a cold hand against Leader's abdomen, their nails digging into the sensitive skin.

The brand’s phantom pain spread through his entire rib cage, lacing around his bones and coating them, again, in fire. 

Leader stiffened, blood turning to ice in his veins. Fuck. His mouth went dry as he looked from Whumpee, limp in the guard's grip, to the branding iron, red-white against the coals. Again, the floor dropped out from below him, leaving him spiraling.

It took all of his strength to find his voice. "I'll take it."

Supervillain stood up. They grinned. "You know what? You've managed to fuck up my plans so many times...yes, I think I'd like to watch you fuck up for once."

Leader didn't understand. "W-what?"

Supervillain ruffled his hair, patchy and bloodstained. "You never had a choice, dear."

Leader lunged against the chains. “No!” he shouted. “No! I said I would do it--”

His wrist made a snapping sound even as he threw himself again, and again. His voice gave out, cracking into a sob. "Fuck you--"

The guards chained Whumpee to the wall, tightening them to the point until stones dug into Whumpee's raw back.

Leader cursed every foul name when Supervillain picked up the branding iron.  "Don't-- Don't you dare!"

But when Whumpee screamed his name, begging him to make it stop, please, Leader went feral. He struggled frantically-- uselessly. He had never been more useless. The chains did not relent and the hand that held the brand was steady. Crimson blood traced a silky path down his arm, dripping to the tiles.

Whumpee's pleas fell on deaf ears. 

There was the horrible smell of burning skin. 

And a scream.

Leader would never forget that scream. 

Supervillain pulled the brand away, and Whumpee slumped forward, unconscious. Supervillain undid their restraints and let them collapse to the ground, stepping around them with a flicker of disgust. 

They ordered the guards to undo Leader's chains. “There’s not much damage he can do in here," they said.

And they left Leader alone with the battered captive, their still form twitching under the curling remnants of agony. 

Leader dropped down beside Whumpee, knees hitting the floor with all the force of a guillotine dropping. He worked quickly, taking off his own shirt and ripping it apart– first bandaging the brand and then trying to stem the blood from the flogging. It was a messy job and he did it poorly, with only the expertise of having previously done the same work on himself. 

Whumpee's eyes remained closed. 

Despair crouched inside Leader and it smiled. It smiled like Supervillain. Leader cried then. Hoarse sobs that ripped his vocal chords to shreds. 

Whumpee stirred. They exhaled softly– a small groan escaping their lips. They squeezed their eyes shut like they were still hoping this was some nightmare they could escape. 

Leader's voice was gone. He could say nothing. Provide no comfort. No reassurance. It was with hesitant movements that he moved Whumpee's head onto his lap, shielding them with his body as much as he could.

Please tell me you’re alright. 

Tell me we’ll be alright. 

Whumpee's entire body shook.

Nothing was alright.

[meowsticmarvels]

one of the things i WILL give zero time dilemma credit for is how most of the past participants from 999 and vlr just. get Worse mentally.

junpei the hero-type character in 999 who's a bit awkward but tries to save everyone to struggling with the trauma from it all and his detective work in ztd. now falling down the path of cynicism. he says he used to drink himself to sleep most nights and slept in the shower just to get the blood off. by the time of ztd he's learned not to trust people and knows people have to die - he just wants akane to be safe at LEAST. even if it means sacrifice.

with akane its not as obvious but she's no longer got the control she had in the nonary game. she's alive, junpei saved her, but she's not zero anymore. she can't prevent people from dying like she did in her nonary game. losing junpei makes her lose it a few times - to the point of violence towards carlos and its so insane. or her willingness to sacrifice d-team and other versions of c-team so they can SHIFT elsewhere. it's crazy. she also knows, vaguely, about the radical-6 apocalypse future and it's vlear from how she acts in c-end that she's willing to go to any measures to stop it

sigma's come back from the future having spent 45 long years preparing for the 2074 nonary game, almost completely alone on the moon. he watched diana die, built luna in his grief, and now sees her here. he KNOWS what he's done to kyle. and now he's trapped in the opposite situation as himself in vlr - the mind of a 67-year old man stuck in a 22-year old's body. and it's clear from how he acts and some of the things he talks about that the decades he spent on the moon like that clearly do not leave a person normal at the end of it

and then there's phi. her change isn't as noticeable unless you really pay close attention to her dialogue but its worth bringing up that for her, mentally since she spent the 45 years sigma experienced in cold sleep VLR only happened a few days prior to the decision game. she has a few days at dcom but her, sigma and akane spend most of those worrying about radical-6. and as a flashback with her and diana shows she's just... tired, after everything. where she could be scared about her death a few times in vlr gives way to her now being completely apathetic to her death in ztd. she's the only player who doesn't react at all to being executed, and in the "fire" fragment no matter what option she doesn't feel her life matters enough to be worth sacrifice. she's also notably more emotional than she is in vlr - see how she's driven to break down in tears when sigma dies in that same fragment, or lashing out at delta out of pure frustration and anger! which she would've never done in vlr! (though she does stop dio the same way, that's more out of necessity to stop him, with delta it's more just pure frustration)

its just. idk it's something i think about a lot. i looove when characters are allowed to get worse and visibly shown to struggle with the things theyve been through before in a previous entry and is something i do actually find insane about ztd

[devondeal]

Been talking with @jedimasterbailey and @bluedeedeedoop about the sudden flip in Barriss's fan reception since the TOTE trailer:

Gotta love how there were so few true Barriss fans who were always willing to see the potential in her story vs the majority who literally could only see her as a terrorist and a traiter saying horrible shit like she's worse than Anakin who literally commited genocide and other crimes.

Basically she wasn't a character to them. Just the person who betrayed Ahsoka. They could only see how the plot used her. Meanwhile Barriss fans payed attention to things facial expression, vocal inflection, dialogue and kept up with any scrap of an update about her for 12 YEARS.

All the while the Barriss haters and dude bros leave the nastiest comments on our threads and any Youtube video, Tik Tok, you name it, wanting to make it clear they want Vader to brutally kill her or basically their want for yet another complex Star Wars lady character to meet a horrible end.

But ever since the Tales of the Empire trailer came out her reception has been overwhelmingly positive. Don't get me wrong, this makes me really very happy. It's amazing what a little attention can do to change the narrative. But at the same time the sudden flip is a bit jarring.

Like why did it have to take a trailer to be able to see what a wonderful character Barriss is? Like I'm sorry but it's not rocket science to be able to tell that there was more to her than The Clone Wars was willing to show. Animation is VERY intentional. They would not have animated her with saddened and guilty expressions during the entire Wrong Jedi Arc.

Nor would they have wrote and partially animated the deleted scene of Barriss HUGGING AND SAYING I'M SORRY TO AHSOKA BEFORE THE TRIAL. They would have done NONE of that if the intention was a cut and dry villain.

It does not take rocket science to realize that The Clone Wars could have made their half baked terrorist plot at least make the bit amount of sense instead of having to see Jar Jar have a sex life or build up to her choices instead of a wander droid arc in early season 5 that is the literal worst.

I am happy that finally they will address Barriss in a new show with beautiful new animation. Though I am still nervous for what fate they will have her meet. And I am happy for the new Barriss fans that will come out of this series.

What I am frustrated with are the haters and dudebros. They can't just switch up. Writers deciding a character is worthy of attention is not a reason for y'all assholes who bullied Barriss fans all these years to jump on the bandwagon. Like at the fucking least admit you were wrong. Basically y'all are not welcome, idgaf

[everythingmp3]

𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐞

𝐓𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐨𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

you´ve been living in Jackson for a few years and things are not looking great; you are bored, lonely, and have very little to look forward to but your feeling of numbness stops all of a sudden when Tess and Joel arrive in town. you feel an intense pull towards Tess that makes it impossible for you to remain a loner.

author´s note: this is an alternative reality where Tess and Joel went to Jackson as a platonic duo with the plan to live there indefinitely. Joel has a few appearances with dialogue, him and Tess give off middle aged bestie vibes, reader is kinda depressed about her situation but nothing heavy. also this isn’t about the game, never played it, this is just what Anna’s Tess inspired in me. hope u enjoy! (part 2 can be found here)

warnings: minors dni! smut (reader receiving, fingering), there´s a slight dom/sub vibe going with Tess and reader but only if you squint, not dark at all, spit is involved briefly

word count: 9.5k

honesty was not something you could afford anymore those days. you knew that if anyone had a clue about how you really felt about your life in Jackson, you´d have been called ungrateful or worse, so you kept it to yourself but the ugly truth was that you did not feel grateful, not at all. most days you felt nothing, there was a vast emptiness inside of you and no way to fight it, no way to reach a sense of fulfillment. on paper it was an ideal situation: community based living where everyone feels responsible for everyone, decent food and fresh air, the option to spend time with animals, to take care of kids or elders, to spend evenings drinking tea or having a drink with other people your age, celebrating holidays together, peace, quiet, tranquility. 

it was all ideal in theory, but in praxis it had slowly but surely sucked the life out of you over the years. you´d grown up in a QZ in the south, which was hard in its own right, but you were used to that lifestyle: the tall buildings, the wide spaces, the anonymity, the ability to walk for miles and not reach city limits. living in a small town, a space that confined and regulated, it was wearing you down; you hated that you could never just walk outside without being recognized, without everyone knowing your name and greeting you, expecting a bright smile in return for theirs, you hated the weird cheerful vibe that hung thick in the air at all times, the odd sense of satisfaction that everyone seemed to carry with them despite living through the end of the world, the families that took up the whole town with their domestic sweetness, it all began to piss you off a few weeks into your first year there, but instead of turning cruel or mean, you decided to zone out as best as you could and just keep to yourself. you were not made for that kind of life, you yearned for more, for excitement, for big cities and anonymity and the freedom to move around amongst strangers, you wanted the thrill of something dangerous and surprising, but day in day out, you were bored and lost in your dreams of a different life. 

Jackson didn´t get new arrivals often, so the few times that the town gates opened up to strangers, everyone was highly curious; kids hoping they´d get some new friends their age, a few sleazy guys hoping that hot girls were part of the group, others who were more pragmatic about it just hoping that the newcomers were strong enough to help out with physically demanding jobs. you never really cared, they were all the same to you, but when you heard that Tommy´s brother and his friend were coming, you had to admit you were intrigued, since Tommy and Maria were two of the few people you felt comfortable around. 

you were subtle about it, keeping your distance, but you watched them being toured around town on their first day and you found yourself looking at Joel´s friend more than at him, even though you´d assumed that he was the one you´d pay attention to, considering your interest in seeing who Tommy was related to, but the moment you saw Tess she stuck out you, immediately. it was impossible to explain why, but seeing her confident walk, her stern look, the air of mystery that surrounded her, it was such a contrast to all the other women you´d come across, your whole body had a reaction the sight of Tess. the first time you heard her voice from afar, you thought oh wow. that´s a good fucking voice, the voice of a woman who doesn´t take anyone´s shit. truthfully, it kind of turned you on. 

the first few days of them settling in, it was impossible to get a chance to say hi, people swarmed them wherever they went, so it took about a week until you found yourself nursing a drink at the bar and saw that Tess was standing all alone, just looking around, so without wasting any time you got up and walked over, a little shy, but eager to see what she was like, to hear that voice up close. 

once you were a few feet away from her she locked eyes with you and gave a nod, you almost felt your cheeks flush from the eye contact and tried to act casual as you introduced yourself, followed by “so, how are you liking it here so far?” a little mischievousness in there, like you were trying to get her to admit that it wasn´t all rainbows and sunshine. 

Tess could tell what you were trying to do and it amused her but she chose the diplomatic answer, unsure whether she could trust your discretion, “oh you know. it´s a lot to adjust to after all that time in the QZ. we also had one hell of a journey here so yeah, still processing. but so far I can´t complain” you nodded, “right, you guys must´ve gone through some shit out there. I remember when we came here a few years ago, almost froze to death a few times”, she agreed “yeah it was pretty gnarly. and obviously Joel and I aren´t the youngest anymore, I think we complained about our backs hurting at least 100 hundred times a day, kind of a miracle we didn´t just kill each other honestly”, a laugh from you then.

“well, it´s better now I hope? they gave you a good house, nice beds? I´d assume Tommy saw to that”, she nodded, “oh yeah for sure, listen, after all that, anything seems like a fucking five start hotel to me, I am easy to impress in that regard”. you found yourself standing closer to her than you usually did while talking to people, looking at her with more interest, she was exactly what you´d hoped she´d be: funny, charming, but not in a way that was particularly soft or endearing, a distinct hardness was there, unwavering, and it pulled you closer, you had respect and admiration for that kind of temperament, not just that, but a deep attraction too, you couldn´t remember the last time a woman had had that effect on you. 

there wasn´t much else you could bring up or say, you kept it brief for your first encounter, “anyway, I just wanted to say hi, wish you guys a smooth moving in process and all that. we´ll see each other around I´m sure!” she nodded, something about you was charming to her, “right yes, and thank you. see you around!”. 

you set down your glas on the counter and made your way out of the bar, Tess didn´t think twice about it but an older man who had just gotten his glass of whiskey and overheard the exchange leaned closer to her, “how´d you manage to do that?”. she was confused, “how did I do what?”, the man watched as you walked out of the door, she did too, “I don´t think I´ve ever seen that girl initiate small talk with anyone, and she´s been here for a few years so, you must´ve done something right”. she was taken off guard by that, “really?”, he nodded, “yeah that one´s not a talker, keeps to herself. not that she´s rude or anything, not at all, but socializing.. yeah not her thing, she´s a lone wolf.”, the more he said, the harder it was for Tess to believe him, why would you be more inclined to talk to a random stranger who usually doesn´t seem very inviting, than some nice person who you´ve lived with for years? “okay. and what´s her deal?” she asked, intrigued, he smiled, “well, I´m not one tell people´s business. but from what I just saw, I´m pretty sure you won´t have to try hard to get that info out of her” she nodded, “right. sure. if you say so”

the man took a sip of his drink, muttering “funny girl” as he left Tess standing there, wondering what you´d seen in her that had driven you to start a conversation. next to Joel, she was often keenly aware of her lack of charm, he had no trouble fitting in with everyone in Jackson, that southern hospitality reminiscent of his old life, the Texas Joel coming out again, whereas she could tell that some people were a little intimidated by her, by her potential judgment or lack of enthusiasm over her new home. Tess knew she was not the best at first impressions, so the idea that someone in that town might have taken a genuine liking to her just by looking at her, she had to admit, it felt really good. partially because you were one of the only women she´d seen so far that she´d consider her type. 

the next morning in the dining hall Tess sipped her black coffee, glancing over at you a few times, before setting the cup down and clearing her throat. “hey”, she tapped Joel on the shoulder, who turned to her, mumbling his words because his mouth was still half full, “yeah, what is it?”, “what do you make of her?” Tess asked, pointing at you. you sat a few tables away from them and had no idea you were being watched, Joel studied your expression for a moment, “hm. I don´t know. seems kinda tired. and I don´t mean from a lack of sleep” Tess nodded, “yeah, seems that way”, she paused for a moment but she trusted Joel, so she continued, “this thing happened yesterday, she talked to me and apparently she hardly talks to anyone. strange huh?”, he considered it, “interesting. well, if you ask me you should see what that´s about. I mean, what do you have to lose, hm? seems like she could use a friend. or you know…”.

she knew what that last part was insinuating and threw him a look that said very funny, he teased her a little, “oh, don´t act like a saint Tess, I know you wouldn´t pay attention like this to any random person. and I don´t blame you, she´s very pretty”, “okay, watch it old man” she said, a sudden harshness to her tone. Joel knew exactly how to rile her, he laughed, patting her on the back as he stood up, “don´t worry, she´s all yours. come on now, let´s go, we´re on for patrol, you can continue your ruminating out there”, she waved him off “you know what, forget I ever mentioned it” but part of her enjoyed it, it had been ages since anyone had caught her attention, since there´d been banter like that between her and Joel over breakfast. 

the next night, there was a bigger get together, most people either drank or danced or sat around tables in small groups, and you tried your best to join in on it but after about an hour you felt the urge to leave, so you stood outside on your own for a short while, debating whether to go back in and say goodbye or just do an Irish exit. about 10 minutes after you went out there, someone else followed: Tess. she had the same issue, not really being one for parties or large gatherings, so it was a pleasant surprise for her, to see someone else standing there. 

“air got a bit thick in there” Tess said as she approached you, taking a deep breath, hands in her pockets, standing to your side, you looked at her, making a “hm” sound of agreement, she continued “oh by the way, I might be totally wrong but I thought out of everyone here you might be the one who´d appreciate this thing I found in my bag yesterday” she pulled something out of her jacket pocket, at first you couldn´t see but then you realized she was holding out a pack of cigarettes to you, “take it, I don´t need them. but I have a feeling you might”, you smiled, “do I give off that energy?”, “kinda yeah” she admitted, you took the pack, pulling one out, “and you´d be right. hell I´d take any drug at this point but this is a good start”, she got out a lighter, stepping closer to you, holding out her hand to shield the flame, “come here”, you liked the sound of that, the tone of an order, you blushed as you leaned closer to her, you didn´t make eye contact but she took in the sight of your face up close, your lips, before you stepped away again and took a drag, exhaling slowly with a sound of pleasure, “yeah this is good, thank you”, after a moment of silence you met her eyes again.

 “so, I heard you and Joel did some pretty fucked up shit back in the QZ”, that got the first genuine laugh out of Tess in a good while, everyone else in Jackson had danced around the topic, never explicitly mentioning their past as smugglers, probably to pretend that they were just a normal middle aged man and woman, but there you were, getting straight to the point, and it was refreshing, to hear someone speak that frankly. somehow she felt like you shared a language, “you could say that yeah”, you were curious, “ever killed someone?”, “of course” she responded without thinking twice, and for a moment she regretted it, scared of your reaction, but when she saw that you were grinning she thought oh no, I don´t have to censor myself at all around this girl at all.

“do you still have a gun?” you asked, raising your eyebrows at her, daring her to say the truth. she eyed you, debating whether to lie, knowing that it wasn´t encouraged to have weapons like that in Jackson, since it didn´t mix well with the pacifist vibe, her voice giving away that it was a clear yes, “but shh”, holding her index finger to her lips, you nodded, smiling “sure I won´t tell. that is if you let me hold it sometime”, she crossed her arms, impressed by your audacity, “oh I see we´re negotiating now, are we?”, you shrugged, “hey, I´ll give you something in return, anything really, just ask”, she turned your words over in her head for a second, wondering if they were as suggestive as she hoped they were.

 “right, okay I´ll think about it. have you ever fired one?”, you shook your head “no, we left the QZ when I was 17, too early to get into any of that”, she perked up, “right, I meant to ask you about that. what´s your story, how´d you end up here?”. you tried to summarize it well, not wanting to bore her with the whole thing, but from the way she was looking at you then, you realized you had her undivided attention, “the short version is this: my parents died a few years before I came here. I was too young to live on my own back then, like 14, so this girl I was friends with, her parents took me in. then when I was 17 they said they knew people here, that our life be better. they didn´t force me, I had a choice, but I would have been on my own and I was scared so I came here. we got along fine but I could tell they were sort of relieved when I suggested I should live on my own here, so yeah, that´s what happened” she took the words in, “I´m sorry. all of that must´ve been rough at that age” she felt a pain her heart, imagining you that young, already confronted with that much loss and change, it was starting to make sense, why you seemed sort of numb to everything, why a happy-go-lucky outlook didn´t really suit you. but she also respected you for it, knowing what it took to rebuild your life after a rupture like that. 

“can i say something really fucked up?” you said, taking another drag of the cigarette before flicking it away and rubbing your hands together to stay warm, she grinned, increasingly charmed by you, “please do, I´ve had enough polite chit-chat today”.

that encouraged you to be really honest, “I regret coming here. I wish I´d have been brave enough to stay back, make my way on my own. I am miserable here in ways I never was back then. it´s fucked up I know, considering all this” you gestured towards the fairy lights hung on a house across the street, the snow, the peaceful air of the moment, “but it´s the truth” a shaky exhale, like you were physically releasing tension by confessing that thought. 

Tess instinctively got closer to you, she was very interested in your thoughts then, “what do you miss?”, you had a wistful look in your eyes, “everything. minding my business and being left alone, walking for hours without seeing anyone I know, the wide spaces, the way nobody pretended that life was great, the fact that people were allowed to be openly frustrated with shit. here it seems almost blasphemous to say that you´re pissed off or angry about how your life turned out, back then it was a shared feeling of well, we´re in this hell together, you know? I don´t know man, I just don´t fit in here I think”.

it made sense to her what you were saying, she could feel some of it to be true for herself, “yeah I´ll be honest you don´t seem like the rest of them here”, you looked up at her then, “I don´t?” she shook her head, “no. if none of this ever happened I´d imagine you to be the type to end up in New York or some other big city with some cool friend group, going out a lot, hanging out in cafes all day, something like that” you groaned, “jesus don´t stay that you´ll make me cry”, she laughed, placing a sympathetic hand on your shoulder, her grip stronger than you expected, a heat where her fingers pressed into your skin through your jacket, “sorry, I´ll stop. but you get what I mean”, “yeah, I do, thank you. feels good to say it all out loud for once”, “well, then I´m glad. also I won´t lie, Joel is better fit for this place than I am, so you´re not alone. but then again, I´m older, I get that for someone your age it´s especially shitty to be stuck in this suburban kind of living, with no way out”. she was spot on. 

“well, I might have to ask you to tell me some stories about your life then, to live vicariously” you smiled at her, batting your eyelashes for dramatic effect, she was not immune to it, “right, some lovely stories about breaking people´s bones during fights” she joked, your eyes had a twinkle in them then, she clocked it and wondered for a second if the idea of her violent past might actually be part of what made you like her, find her attractive. “tell me more..” you said, your voice clearly signaling that you weren´t shocked but intrigued, Tess thought about what she could share, “well most of it is the same story of dumb luck mixed with slightly above average shooting skills, but one time I somehow managed to win a fight when the guy had a gun and I only had a knife. one of my sweeter memories” she joked, you nodded, “impressive. I´d like to see that” you meant it, she shook her head, “believe me you wouldn´t, it´s not glamorous, sounds much cooler than it looked”. you looked at each other for a moment, the night air was cold, you were both shifting your weight and clasping your hands together to stay warm, since apparently neither of you wanted to suggest going back inside or home.

Joel was the one to interrupt the moment. he swung the door open, looking around and seeing Tess standing there with you, giving you both a nod, waiting to see if Tess was gonna leave with him, both of you could feel that it might be time to call it a night, “well, I think that´s my cue” she said, you nodded, “yeah, I should get going too”, pointing in the direction of your house, “but it was nice talking to you” she agreed, “I´m sure we´ll run into each other again soon, would be pretty hard not to in this small ass town” you laughed, glad that she was willing to engage in some light shit talking “exactly, see you around”. 

“sorry, didn´t mean to cockblock you there” Joel said with a smugness about him as they started walking, Tess slapped him on the arm for that one, muttering “shut up” under her breath. “but on a real note, I asked Tommy about her and he couldn´t tell me shit. only that it took a while for her to warm up to them and now they´re friends, sort of. apparently she´s real smart, has read about every damn book in town, good on horseback, other than that he couldn´t tell me much.” that description didn´t mix at all with the fact that you´d just been so open with her, that you´d had no issue telling her about your deep feelings, it was dawning on her that you actually did behave differently around her, that you seemed to trust her for some reason. 

“we talked a little. she´s cool” she said plainly, trying to sound casual, he let her believe she did, “Tommy said people are kinda intimidated by her” Tess looked at him, “really?”, to her it seemed absurd but she could see why others might feel differently, “hmm” he said, “reminds me of someone else I know” nudging Tess in the side as they kept walking, she smiled to herself, not letting him see it, but he was right, something about you seemed surprisingly familiar, it kind of impressed her that your instincts had been sharp enough to pick up on it that quickly. part of her was grateful, it was good to know that regardless of where things would go with you, she´d always be able to count on having someone to have a good chat with, to be her true self with for a moment. 

the next few days you saw each other a few times, on the street in passing, in the dining hall, and Tess quickly realized why others might be hesitant to approach you; there was a stark contrast between how´d you acted that night talking to her, compared your vibe during the day. your expression was not grumpy but not inviting either, there was a clear distance that you kept between yourself and everyone else, you were polite, but whenever she saw you interacting with people there was none of that charm that you´d had with her, your eyes didn´t sparkle, your face was way less expressive, you seemed mellow, a little depressed to her, like you´d rather be on your own. she kept thinking back to how you´d smiled at her and it haunted her, the fact that you didn´t do it for anyone else. she didn´t want to admit it to herself but she wanted to talk to you again, she was dying for some excitement herself, the domestic life in Jackson wasn´t making her yearn for more as well, so about a week later she gave in. Tess had an idea about how she might get some genuine joy into your system. 

by the time Tess knocked on your door it was about 09:30 pm. it took a while for you to answer but she saw that a light was on so she was patient, standing there until you cracked the door open, a few visible marks from a pillow on your cheek, “oh fuck sorry did I wake you?” you shook your head, glad to see her, trying to fully wake up, “no, I mean.. kind of, I fell asleep on the couch” she laughed, “falling asleep before 10, huh? how old are you again?”, you squinted your eyes at her, “did you come here to make fun of me, or-?”, clearly not really bothered by her razzing you, “not strictly, no. I have a surprise. go put on a jacket, and a scarf too while you´re at it, it´s fucking cold” you nodded, trying to understand what her plan was, “a surprise?”, “well don´t think too big it´s nothing crazy, but yeah”, “okay wait, give me one second” you left the door open and quickly got dressed, a smile on your face then, you had no idea what was happening but you were just happy to see her again, to be sought out by her, so you hurried out and shut the door, following her. 

as you started walking you exchanged a few formalities, then you asked “where´s your buddy?” in a sort of teasing tone, she threw you a look from the side, “my buddy” she imitated in a low tone, “he´s with his brother. Maria isn´t feeling well, and I don´t need to be the only woman at that table, I really don´t” you laughed, “right, I get that. so what are we doing?” you asked, trying to suss out where she was leading you but it looked like you were heading towards the stables, she didn´t bother answering your question, “people won´t bother us there at this hour right?” she said, seemingly worried you might get caught doing something. you knew she wasn´t shameless or desperate enough to just lead you somewhere in public to hook up with you, but still, part of you liked the double meaning of the sneaking around, trying to find a place where you wouldn´t be disturbed, “no, I actually sometimes go to the horses at night when I can´t sleep. it´s kinda relaxing” that was an endearing image to her, you amongst those big animals, maybe petting them or talking to them, “yeah, I heard you´re good with them”, a prideful smile flickered across your face for a second “I guess yeah. I never really got the craze about dogs, I like them more, they´re strong but quiet about it”, that way of putting it amused her, she met your eyes; it didn´t escape her that that description also fit her. 

once you reached the stables and went inside, she walked over to you, close enough to face you. that was the first moment that night you actually took a good look at her; she looked hot even though barely an inch of her skin was visible, a forest green flannel was peaking out of her brown oversized jacket, she was wearing jeans that looked worn in, fit her perfectly, her face was flushed from the ice cold air, her long hair falling down her face in waves, the wind had messed it up a little, you were staring as she spoke, “so, I´m gonna need you to close your eyes and hold out your hands for me” you were clearly confused by that “huh? are you joking?”, she shook her head, “no, go on, do it”, so you did, not arguing about it, and she liked it, seeing you take her instruction without much questioning, your palms open, facing up, Tess could´ve done anything, she almost reached out and took your hands in hers, but she got her mind back to what the actual plan was before she could slip up and do it.

you could hear her reaching for something inside of her jacket, “okay, don´t be shocked it´s a little cold and a little heavy” you were out of ideas, no clue what was gonna be placed in your hands, a moment later you felt something that was clearly metal of some sort, holding it tentatively at first, “okay, open your eyes” she was standing a bit further away then, watching your reaction, and it was worth it: you jaw dropped when you realized she´d placed her gun in your hand. 

“you know, keeping up my end of the deal” you recalled that you´d jokingly told her to let you hold it but you didn´t think she´d actually do it. it wasn´t a small one either, you started tracing its features with your index fingers, inspecting it up close, fascinated, she watched you, a grin, “you like it, don´t you?” it was clear from your expression that you did, her suspicions about you not being easily shocked by anything confirmed, you nodded, “is it loaded?”, “hmm” she confirmed, and that really surprised you. she had basically handed you a lethal weapon that she knew you had no practice with, enough trust in you to believe you wouldn´t put her in danger, even though she hardly knew you. 

Tess moved to sit down on a stack of hay, keeping her eyes on you, “okay, now give me your best pose”, “huh??” you said, staring at her. “you know, show me how you´d yield that thing. just pretend I am some freak who is about to attack you”, you lowered your eyes, “right that should be easy”, she smiled, leaning back against the wall, manspreading, “I´m waiting”, an authoritativeness to her tone that made it impossible to deny her request. 

you felt a sense of embarrassment, hyper aware of your body because of her unflinching gaze, but it wasn´t entirely unpleasant, there was a heat to it too, so you relaxed your muscles and actually thought about how you´d behave, getting a feel for the gun, holding it out, not pointed at her but next to her, shifting your stance a little, closing one eye, a nod of approval from her, “not bad, not bad at all actually. I might have just recruited you if you´d been back in my QZ”, you grinned, dropping your arms, standing more naturally again, “then you don´t have very high standards if this is all it would take”, Tess stood up, “yeah, maybe I don´t”, moving closer to you, “do that again please”, she watched from up close then, “there´s just one thing I´d change, and then you´re good to shoot the shit out of something, or someone. here”, before you knew what was going on, she knelt down next to you and used both of her hands to roughly push your leg into a stance that would support your weight better, that would make it harder for someone to push you over. the feeling of her manhandling you like that shot a wave of adrenaline through your whole body, you almost asked her to keep her hands on your knee because it felt so good, even thought there was a thick fabric between her skin and yours, it felt just as thrilling as if she´d touched your bare leg. 

“yeah that´s better” she said, glancing up and down your body, “suits you. you should get into some shady business if you ever leave this place” she said, only half joking, admittedly a little turned on from seeing you like that,  “you´re really corrupting me here, huh? and you didn´t see me shoot yet, I might be god awful” she shrugged “oh we could work on that. maybe we´ll end up on patrol together one day, you could go off on some trees, practice” you laughed, “sure, sounds great”, the idea actually did seem pretty good to you, being out there far away from everyone with her for a while, doing something sort of forbidden, there was a clear intrigue in you and she could sense it, a pride swelling in her over the fact that her plan to get you to loosen up and have some fun had worked, she´d gotten through to you again, that smile back on your face that she hadn´t seen all week, that she´d admittedly missed and daydreamed about a few times. 

Tess was at a point in her life where she rarely felt angry about her circumstances, she was way past that, there was a general philosophy of it is what it is that she subscribed to, but because of you it was different all of a sudden, there was an anger about the world that you had reawakened in her. all she could think of the days after first talking to you was that she wished that the outbreak had never happened, that you´d have gotten to live the way people in their 20s lived back then: going out to bars with friends, spending hours out and about, studying, walking around town, going to see films in theaters, going to concerts, taking road trips, traveling, the list of things she wished you could go out there and experience was endless and it pissed her off, that someone clever like you was destined to just wither away, nothing to look forward to, no big dreams to go after. Tess could tell you´d have built a beautiful vibrant life for yourself if you´d have just gotten the chance, and she knew she couldn´t give you a miracle, but she knew she could give you something. you evidently saw something in her that you wanted, and she would try to do her best to give it to you. pulling you out of your house at night to have some stupid fun was a start. you sat down next to her on the stack of hay then, fidgeting with some pieces of it, the gun resting in your lap.

“so, you must have been pretty bored if this was your idea for a Friday night” you said, teasing, she raised her eyebrows, looking at you from the side, you were sitting close enough for you to see her eye color for the first time, “well, if there´s a secret exciting nightlife around here that i could have explored instead, please do enlighten me” you laughed, “yeah no, staying up past 12 am is as about as wild as nights can get here”, she nodded “sounds about right”, busying her hands with rubbing her legs that had gotten a little cold. “you know I get it, what you said, about having that kinda fucked up nostalgia for the QZ. I would never say this to anyone here because I really am grateful for their kindness but yeah. I do miss a few things about our old life” she seemed lost in thought, you felt for her but you were also relieved to have some comradery for once, after years of only thinking about these things, never sharing them with anyone, you spoke up “yeah I´ll be real with you, at this point I even miss the fear of walking around darker secluded parts of the city and possibly ending up in a fight. I would take a punch right over another night of not knowing what to do with myself” she let out a genuine laugh, your honesty was refreshing, attractive even, she´d never been a fan of sugar coating things.

“I hear you, I also miss the thrill of certain things, I am not great at just being content and settled. maybe I was when I was younger but yeah. things changed”, she was staring into space but you were looking at her, enjoying the feeling of being close to her, it was a peaceful scene, you two surrounded by silence, only the faint sounds of horses moving, the smell of earth and fresh air and hay, something comforting and serene about it, you patted her leg sympathetically, “but you´ll be fine, I can tell, you´re tough” she turned to look at you then, the feeling of your hand on her instantly pulling her out of her thoughts, your expression was soft, it had been a while since someone had looked at her like that, “that I am, yes” she said, a slight grin. 

she pointed towards your chest “okay that jacket really isn´t warm enough, you´re shivering”, you hadn´t realized because you were so lost in the joyful feeling of being with her, but she was right, your body had quickly grown cold from just sitting there, “do you have a fireplace in your house?” she asked, “no, just some heaters that only work half the time. wait, do you?”, “yeah, I think Joel left it on earlier so the rooms would warm up a little”, “damn, it really does pay off to come here as a relative of someone in town huh? they gave you the fancier kind of house”, “guess so. so much for everyone being equal around here, right?” she joked, you smiled, “I mean I´ll share our luxuries, gladly, you could come warm up if you want. jesus your hands are red” she said, holding one of your your hands in both of hers, shielding it from the icy air, your breath hitched as you felt her skin on yours, she rubbed your hand a little in attempt to get the blood flow going again, “yeah no, we´re going inside, I won´t be responsible for giving you fucking hypothermia out here, come” she said, pulling you up, the word “we” swirling around in your head, all those details you pick up on when you like someone, the first time of her referring to the two of you as a union, as “we”. 

you almost felt dizzy from that whole exchange, by the sudden tenderness, her worry for your well being. most nights you could have sat there for hours and nobody would´ve come to bother you or check on you, but there she was, watching out for you, paying attention. after so many years on your own, day after day of floating around, never being tethered to someone, it was almost overwhelming, to be touched, to be seen, taken care of in some small way. 

you both walked fast, clouds of smoke from your breath in the air, the streets empty, indirect light from a few windows illuminated the snowy road little, “okay almost there” Tess said as you approached their house. she was relieved that it was dark, since it meant Joel wasn´t home yet and she would have hated nothing more than her one on one time with you being cut short. 

once you were inside, she turned on a few smaller lights in favor of the big overhead one, “don´t be shy, make yourself comfortable” gesturing towards the fireplace where a medium sized flame was slowly burning away, the couch only a few feet away from it, “want a drink?” she asked from across the room as she made her way towards the kitchen, “uh, sure yeah” you answered, while scanning the room. it was clear that they´d just moved in, but it was cozy nonetheless, lots of old wooden furniture, a few clothes thrown over the chairs, a few pretty pink flowers on the dining table, probably a housewarming gift from someone. 

you got rid of your jacket and crouched down in front of the fire, warming your hands for a second, feeling the heat on your face, which almost hurt since your body temperature was a sharp contrast, but very shortly after you could feel your cheeks flushing, your hands getting less stiff, your muscles relaxing. as Tess walked back into the room she smiled to herself, the view of you doing that endearing to her, “nice huh?”, she asked, “yeah I think I could fall asleep on the floor right here” you mused as you got up to join her on the couch. she held out a drink to you, which looked better than you´d expected: a few ice cubes, a slice of lemon, you didn´t bother asking what was in it, you just leaned on the armrest of the couch, pulled your legs up onto the cushions and took a big sip as she did the same. you both exhaled at the same time after, “damn, this is better than the drinks at the bar” she was flattered, “well, I´ve learned a thing or two about improvising with whatever ingredients I have access to. she was quicker than you with downing the contents of the glass, clearly not a lightweight, you set yours down too after a few more sips. she had also gotten comfortable, her arm lazily thrown over the back of the couch, an achingly hot pose for her to be in, the way a lot of guys usually sat, it had been a long time since you´d come across a woman like her and it was waking something in you up, slowly but surely.

“you should be careful with being a good host. I might start showing up here more than you´d like. you know, that thing of not feeding stray cats because otherwise they´ll wait on your doorstep every day” she laughed, amused by that comparison, “well, I happen to like cats, so” there was a longer, charged pause after she said that in a tone low enough to make it clear she wasn´t just saying it plainly, that there was a clear double meaning in there. you both just looked at each other, neither of you breaking eye contact, but also not growing nervous either, it was comfortable to share a wordless moment of connection, the light of the fire drenching your facial features in a golden hue, not helping either of you with your painfully intense attraction. “can I ask you a question, and you promise to answer it honestly?” you smiled, tilting your head, “sure” you had nothing to lose, you´d tell her whatever she wanted to hear. “why are you so different with me than with the others?” she asked, a seriousness to it, not letting you off the hook, her eyes remaining on yours.

you thought for a second, the truth seemed simple to you, “well, I like you”. she shook her head, “no, that´s not a good enough answer, try again. I´m not daft, I can tell you like me, what I asking you is why”. you pointed at her then, “well there is one reason, I like that you tell me to do things, that you aren´t timid or weirdly careful with me” she nodded slowly, something dawned on her, “okay I see, you like when I boss you around, huh?”, you shrugged, “perhaps”. she was alert then, her posture shifting to a more upright position, instinctively leaning a bit closer to you since the conversation had turned in a way that was affecting her on a deeper level, “I mean-” you continued, “on a more heartfelt note, when I saw you interacting with people I just felt that there was a strength to you that I´d rarely seen in anyone else, makes me feel at ease. I guess there´s something secure about you, something solid and.. I don´t know calming. I like being around people who are stronger than me, not just physically, I don´t always need to be the tough one in the roomm you know, I really don´t” you leaned your head back against the cushions then, turning to face her, looking up at her, and she was in awe of how your entire physicality had changed, how pretty much all of your walls had come down, you looked almost angelic to her in that moment, she shook her head a little, a gentle smile as she spoke in a quiet voice, “they all got you so wrong, huh?”, “how so?” you asked, remaining in your comfortable position, without hesitation she reached out and caressed your cheek, softly, “you´re such a sweet girl. and they have no idea”. you were entirely hers then, it was done, the feeling of her fingers on your face, the deep affection, the way she´d figured you out completely, you were melting right in front of her, hardly anyone had ever called you sweet, she could see in your face that she´d hit you right in the heart, “not for just anyone” you said, earnestly, weight to her words, wanting her to know it was special for you, to let someone in.

she nodded, her hand still on your face, “you want me to take care of you, hm?”, you nodded, your eyes like you were looking up at a god, pleading for mercy, for light, for love, her whole body was flooded with warmth and not because of the fire, “nobody´s ever given you what you really need, right?”, it was like she was reading you, saying all the deepest most intimate things you´d never dared to express, to anyone, pulling them out of you, she brushed her thumb over your lower lip, watching every last bit of composure leave your spirit. the moment her hand left your skin you looked devastated, a satisfied smile on her face as she leaned back, letting you sit in the feeling that had just crashed over you because of her, before giving you a gentle order, “come here” she said, her hand waving you closer, and the moment she said it you climbed over to her, reaching for her but before you could decide what to do, she already had her hands firmly on the back of your head, eagerly pulling you in for a kiss, fully in control, you didn´t have to do anything but lean into it, her lips warmer and softer than you expected, but a clear force in there, she kenw you didn´t need it to be slow and chaste, she knew you needed it visceral and intense, your hands found her neck as you opened up for her, the kiss turning sloppy and needy in an instant, the taste of her hot and sweet, a residue of liquor on her tongue, you didn´t even try to suppress any sounds as her tight grip slowly turned you into a desperate mess, once you seperated to get some air you just stared at each other, out of breath, skin on fire, faces glowing, eyes lowered like you were fixing prey.

without much time to lose you pulled your shirt over your head, you wanted her to see you, it had been ages since anyone had admired your naked form, and you were dying to give yourself over to her, for someone to make use of your body, to derive pleasure from it, once you were left topless, only your lower half still clothed, Tess felt a deep reverence for you, leaning closer to slowly run her hand from the top of your chest down over your tits, resting it there, marveling at you “god. you´re fucking perfect..”, your breath was shallow, an impatience growing in you, so you closed the distance to kiss her again, feeling her grab your tits rather hard, yet somehow the passion was not enough for you yet even though you were already practically devouring each other, so you pulled away, your lips still apart as you said something you had never said before.

“spit in my mouth” you practically begged her, your tone not playful or provocative but earnest, an urgency to it, she was barely inches from you and realized that you weren´t asking her to degrade you, you were offering up total submission to her, it was something of an honor, to be the sole witness of your surrender, so she placed her hands on the sides of your face, looking down at you, almost cradling your head, your tongue flat, like you were waiting to take communion, she didn´t do it with force or malice, letting her saliva drip into your mouth slow and thick like honey, watching you take it, without any hesitation you closed your mouth and swallowed, it felt natural, right, to try and become one with her like that, to feel some part of her running down your throat, Tess was staring down at you with nothing but pure adoration by that point, she didn´t even have to tease you or edge you to give yourself up, nothing, you had done it out of your own want, which turned her on even more than if she´d had to push you, “such a good girl, aren´t you?” she cooed, fingers in your hair, your hands on her back, your eyes went wide as she said that, it didn´t escape her, that she´d hit gold, “say that again” you pleaded, a smile from her then as she leaned close to your ear, her voice sultry and deep, a whisper “good girl”, one of her hands lower on your body then, your chest flushed from arousal.

“I thought about this all week” you confessed, feeling her mess with the waistband of your jeans, “yeah, what did you do while thinking about me?” she teased as her hand slipped into your underwear, a sharp breath in from you, it was hard to speak, so she pressed further, “something like this?”, her fingers finding your wetness then, getting coated it in, slowly moving them up and down, teasing you, you nodded, moans starting to leave you, “feels better when I do it, hm?”, “yes” you uttered, before another desperate sound escaped you, her movements were steady and skilled, not erratic, creating a delicious ache in your core, your nails starting to dig into her back as she had you pinned to the couch, “please Tess..” you begged, it was clear that you needed more, she could feel her fingers practically dripping from your slickness by that point, so she pushed two of them into you, not too fast, but her fingers were bigger than yours so there was a moment of pain, but you took it, letting her go knuckle deep, she could tell you´d winced a little at first, “look at you, all quiet and behaved” she praised, “you can be louder sweetie, it´s okay” she encouraged, not minding a little whining, you relaxed a little as she started figuring out how best to fuck you, finding a rythm that would suit you, to get you to unravel, a heartfelt “fuck..” from you as she hit a certain spot, she leaned down to kiss your neck then as she kept her fingers at that angle, hitting your weak spot, drinking up all the sweet sounds you were making for her, the scent of your skin driving her crazy as she left kisses all over your throat, easy access since your head was thrown back. 

your moans were turning into cries as you felt yourself throbbing around her fingers, the heat at your core growing more intense each time she pushed into you, the feeling of being trapped beneath her, her lips and teeth on the side of your neck, her hand drawing out a pleasure unlike you´d ever felt, it all left you helpless and shaking in the face of your approaching climax, “fuck Tess” you got out, she could feel you clenching around her fingers, “it´s okay, I got you”, she pulled back to watch you then, a vulnerability to it as your hips moved up more violently, a few harder thrusts into you got you to claw into her back and shudder as you came around her fingers, a deep satisfaction in her as she saw your face twist in pleasure, your mouth open, your hair all messed up; it was all she needed to almost cum herself, that sight, burned into her mind already.

 once your muscles went slack she moved her fingers from inside of you to your clit, a few last lingering touches as you felt the aftershocks of the orgasm until Tess let go of you, slowly moving to her side of the couch, knowing that some people need a little space after they cum, but in that moment, with her, you didn´t; the second you regained some strength you got up and moved over to put your hands on around neck and look at her up close, not a care in the world about the fact that you were still topless, an exhausted but bright smile on your face, she shook her head, hands on your bare waist, “god, you´re fucking killing me..” she admitted, you cocked your head, “am I? I haven´t even returned the favor yet” you said, a grin, “no need, I got what I wanted, trust me”, she said, caressing you, “makes two of us then” you whispered before kissing her again, slower than before, a laziness to it, it was late, you were both tired, but blissed out, content, holding onto each other. 

after a moment she urged you to put your shirt back on, not wanting you to get cold, even though she missed your skin the second she moved her hand away from your back. once you were dressed again you came back to your senses a little, a giddiness to you then, both of you almost shy for a second, laughing at the same time, sitting there next to each other, a little in disbelief, “you know having no friends and no relatives around here has its perks, I won´t have to justify this to anyone” you joked, she raised her eyebrows, “well good on you sweetheart, me on the other hand, I doubt Joel would love to explain to his brother that the friend that he vouched for is messing around with the girls here”, you feigned shock, “girls? i´m one of many, huh?” she laughed, “you know what I mean”, you nodded, “sure, I get it, you could try blaming it on me, just say I relentlessly pursued you”, “right, so kind of the truth, hm?” she teased, “fuck off” you said, pushing her in the side, but smiling still, “you were the one who showed up late at night, not me” she couldn´t argue with that, “right”, “I mean, not that I´m complaining, do it again any time you want please”, she nodded, smiling “if you insist”. you both just sat there for a moment, absentmindedly holding hands, until you realized how late it had gotten and that Joel must be getting home soon, “I should probably go, I doubt you wanna explain this to your roomie”, an ironic emphasis on the last word, she laughed, “right, no, let´s save that for another time.”

Tess wished she could have told you to stay, but she knew it would have been awkward as hell for all three of you to be in the same house, so she let you get up to go put on your jacket and shoes, watching you from the couch. before you could leave, you went back over to her once more to lean down and kiss her goodbye, a tender gesture that you wouldn´t have just done for a hook up and she could tell, still in awe of how willing you were to be like that with her, “I´l see you tomorrow then?” she asked, obviously counting on it, “yes, and if not I´ll find you”, she caressed your cheek “good. but have a good night first, sleep well”, you turned to leave as you said “you too. and thank you, for.. well everything”, feeling her loving gaze on your back as you went outside, the cold air hitting you in the face so hard you didn´t even realize that Joel was approaching the house until you were only a few feet away from him,, too lost in your feelings for Tess to feel embarrassed or weird about it, giving him a nod, he suppressed a grin, opting for a polite smile instead as he made his way past you up the stairs, “have a good rest of the night” he said, “yeah, you too!” you answered, barely aware of his presence as the feeling of Tess all over you was still clouding your mind. 

the moment he walked through the door, Tess was a little scared of his reaction to having seen you come out of their house at that hour, but he dropped his jacket over a chair and said “well you sure as hell didn´t waste any time, huh?, his tone giving away that he was amused, relief washing over Tess as he flopped down onto the couch next to her, that familiar groan from him at the end of a long day. “so I take it this is your way of telling me you´re okay with me having her over?” she asked, eyeing him, he realized she´d been unsure whether he´d be mad or not, it was a funny thought to him, since Tess was so rarely timid around him, “I don´t mind, you can have her here. I mean, she´s not bad to look at, so I won´t complain”, she shot him a glare “you keep your eyes to yourself when she´s here, got it?” he laughed, “god that poor girl has no idea what she´s in for, with your possessive ass”.

she grinned, “oh please, she loves it”, he considered it, stretching out his legs, getting comfortable, “guess she does. man, you really found your match in her, huh? you two are a bit insane for this, but hey, I respect it, gotta find joy one way or another” she could tell he meant it, “exactly. maybe you should give it a try too, I saw at least a handful of women turning to look back at you the past few days” he shook his head, “no, thank you. I´ll leave the midlife thing of dating young girls to you”, shedidn´t fight him on it, “fine, I´m better at it anyway” she teased back, “judging from that smile that was frozen on that girl´s face you might actually be right”, she liked hearing that, “oh really?”, he nodded, “you should feel really good about yourself my friend, two weeks here and you already cracked the supposedly toughest one of them all” she leaned back, closing her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the fire and the familiar vibe with Joel and the memory of you, thinking about how only she had gotten to see your true core, that beautiful look on your face, only for her. she knew she´d have to show you just how grateful she was for making her arrival in Jackson that much better than she had dared to hope for.

Tess was not a spiritual person, but somehow it did seem like fate of some sort, that you two had ended up in the same place and understood each other so instinctively, that both of you slept much better that night knowing someone else in that town would always see you for who you really were. 

[galedekarios]

Am I the only one who thinks that something very different is happening in some people's games from mine? Cause I still keep seeing people talking about how gale is constantly trying to get in their pants and ???? even when romancing him you literally can't have sex until well into act 2, and he has no romance content unless the player makes the first move in the weave scene. He's actually one of the most subtle of the companions on this, several of the others very blatantly come onto you whether you've ever chosen romance dialogue with them or not. But it's gale people talk about. I'm confused what is actually happening when they say that

no, you're not the only one. i think anyone who pays the least bit of attention to and/or actually played gale's romance storyline for themselves will understand that his romance is a slowburn.

people keep regurgitating the crap they've heard from someone else and now it's turned into this bizarre twilight zone take of who gale is and how his romance is.

those scenes simply do not exist where he "constantly tries to get into your pants". gale has very few scenes that are or can be romantic: the weave scene. the conversation at the tiefling party. the flirt in the shadow-cursed lands. last night alive scene. the boat scene.

like you pointed out, if you want to romance gale, you as the player have to actively choose options to express an interest in him and actively choose to pursue him at several points:

during the weave scene, it's you as the player who has to imagine a kiss or a romantic walk. during the tiefling party, it's once again you who have to flirt with him. you have to actively initiate any sort of romance with him since gale doesn't do it on his own for various reasons.

i've also seen people like to blame this perception on his release bug, but i honestly think it's more or less just an excuse to perpetuate negativity and hate directed at a character they already disliked.

if it was truly just the bug, then i wonder where the same energy was for k*rlach, who for the longest time had the same bug if you romanced gale. the option to tell her that you were in a relationship with him never went away, even when you picked it several times, and she took rejection much worse. nvm that even without bugs, she wakes you up in the middle of the night going "i want to ride you until you see stars" once your approval gets high enough. but no, it's crickets.

the simple truth is that many of the companions come on much stronger, much much earlier in the game. k*rlach is just an example here (lae does it too, ast*rion, etc) - and that isn't meant as criticism or hate against those companions btw, they're all different people with different stories and different characters and it makes sense for them.

it's the double standard of the fandom that gets me.

you don't have to like gale. feel free to hate him. but at least hate him accurately lol.

[crisis-starter]

This is a retelling of the Promise Event written in third person through Bonnie’s eyes. I adhered to the dialogue of said event, mostly playing with thoughts and emotions.

This is a part of the CIAS AU!

I also gave up on using the nicknames, since I was already using words that wouldn’t ever cross a child’s mind.

)•{+}•<>+<>•{+}•(

Snack time.

Third floor snack room.

Talk of death and funerary procedure.

They heard the adults talk amongst themselves, and then they felt something… someone looking at Bonnie. There was a pause in the air. An eerie stillness. That someone definitely realized that they stopped working on the snacks.

That’s when Siffrin spoke up, albeit quietly, “…Bonnie?”

Bonnie was silent for a few moments. Then they responded, “…What?” They had no filter. They wanted to express their thoughts. But it seems that it was that simple word that shook everyone else to the core. Made them realize they made a mistake. But Siffrin continued, somberly, “Were you listening to us just now?”

Bonnie paused again. They stayed silent, unable to meet Siffrin’s eye, which glistened with concern. “…I don’t wanna talk about it…” and that’s when the emotional restraint fell and turned to dust, “I don’t wanna talk about it! I don’t want to talk about any of us dying!”

Isabeau expressed his shame in his own actions, “Oh, Bonnie…” The tone and expression was enough to mark that as fact.

Mirabelle tried to comfort them by trying to maybe explain, calling their name in a voice laced with guilt and worry.

Siffrin was saying nothing, but his expression was that of a mix between slight panic and concern. He almost looked frustrated with themselves for what they did. He wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out. Not yet.

Odile started, trying to ease Bonnie even though that isn’t her strong suit, “Please, listen to-“ But they didn’t let her.

Bonnie’s emotions were just too raw. They cried, “No! You’re all stupid for talking about this! Stupid, stupid, stupid!” They suddenly heard footsteps. Siffrin was approaching them. They didn’t know what Siffrin was planning to do, but they didn’t want it. The rogue had his hand extended to do something, and that’s when Bonnie started to make mistakes.

A pain was starting to grow in the back of their head. Bonnie yelled, anguished, “Don’t touch me!” Their voice lowered a little, but the words didn’t lose their deadly edge, “Curse you, Frin! Don’t come near me! I don’t want you to touch me, I don’t want you to talk to me, I don’t want you to even LOOK AT ME!” Tears streamed down Bonnie’s face, their voice wavering in tandem, “I don’t want to think about ANY OF THIS!”

The pain was getting worse. The air felt weird. But Bonnie wasn’t paying attention to that. They just knew Siffrin was trying to approach them again, so they retaliated with more venomous words, “NO! STOP, STOP! DON’T COME NEAR ME!”

Then they made their biggest mistake yet. The air is around them was weird. It smelled weird. It smelled wrong, yet Bonnie had to say something, “I HATE YOU, FRIN! If you like to talk about how everyone will die then you should just get it over with and die, Frin! I don’t care! I hate you!”

Siffrin’s face fell into something Bonnie wasn’t used to seeing on him. It wasn’t sadness no, it was… deeper than that. Part of Bonnie wanted to stop talking, stop sharing, stop saying anything at all, just to stop Frin from showing him that face, letting them discover what despair looked and felt like. That part of them wanted to just make them smile again. But no. Bonnie dug their grave deeper, despite the smell of caramel getting worse, getting thicker, getting nauseatingly abundant, “I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou I HAAAAATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!” And one last one to finish off this horrible display, “I HATE YOU FR-“

Bonnie didn’t even finish their sentence before something happened. Their headache was gone. But Siffrin was no longer in front of them. They weren’t facing their friends. But then Bonnie heard Mirabelle, “…What about you, Siffrin?”

Siffrin looked utterly lost. Their expression was unreadable. They weren’t meeting anyone’s eyes. The were silent for a moment before handing a frankly very blunt statement, “Bury me somewhere. Can we talk about something else?” Belle responded, “Oh…” Isabeau looked away, seemingly ashamed, “Yeah, sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

Bonnie remembered what they said. Then they started to feel horrible. Sick. How could they say that to Siffrin? Now Siffrin was upset! But well, they had to do something to make the rogue happy. Bonnie didn’t want to apologize just yet… they didn’t know how to. They needed to ask Isabeau how to apologize to Siffrin for such a thing.

But now, it’s snack time!

Bonnie paused, looking at everyone. Then they continued, “…Hey, are you done talking? Because…” Bonnie bounded into the circle of friends that were talking about death just a second ago, “It’s snacks time, baby.”

At least Isabeau was smiling as he replied, “Oh, it’s a serious business snack time. I’m listening.” Bonnie responded, “Snack times are always serious business, dummy.” Bonnie was hoping that Siffrin would smile at the ridiculousness of this needlessly stern introduction. But Siffrin couldn’t look at Bonnie in the eyes. It hurt Bonnie, to know they were the cause of this. Nonetheless, Bonnie continued.

Bonnie introduced their snacks. Madeleines, pineapple slices, and fish head. Bonnie secretly glanced at Siffrin every now and then. Siffrin was… spacey. Like they weren’t paying attention. But at least Siffrin answered Bonnie when prompted, “I’ll try the pineapple.” Siffrin’s tone wasn’t right. It sounded kind of like they were… not completely in the moment. Like they were stuck in their thoughts. But hey! Bonnie was happy that Siffrin liked one of their favorite foods!

The amount of fear and worry that filled their entire being when they heard Siffrin start to wheeze upon swallowing the bite of pineapple was unmatched. So scary, they forgot what they said to Frin to make him so upset. The air smelled sugary again. It felt very weird for a second before-

Bonnie woke up. They looked at the field in front of them. Were they… here before? This felt almost too familiar. They were back in Dormont! But weren’t they in the house just a second ago? Weird…

)•{+}•<>+<>•{+}•(

Gonna write more :>

Isabeau’s is next hehe

Let’s hope it goes well!

Have a nice day (or night, wherever you are)!

[sparxaf]

Let's talk about s*x baby...

Or more specifically, let's talk about sex scenes. I spent all day yesterday binging some stories on my favorite terrible book app that I won't name. They're mostly very bad, but highly entertaining. I read one that was actually good, even the sex scenes (which is usually where even the decent stories falter). But it was odd. Despite being well-written, the end of every steamy scene fell flat. After the third one, I realized the problem. Every sex scene ended with a sparsely detailed orgasm and someone climbing off the other and putting on their underwear. There was no emotional break between the act of sex and the next action/dialogue. The writer completely neglected the afterglow. Think of something similar to this:

His thrusts sped and he tightened his grip on her hair, as a harsh growl ripping from him as he came. He rolled over and reached for his underwear and she sighed contentedly as he slid them on and headed for the bathroom.

It was so fucking abrupt, I was like, wait what? No amount of well-placed similes or delicious dirty talk can save a scene that doesn't leave you with an emotion, and that's what was missing. The author didn't get that the details of sex aren't as important as the emotions they invoke. Every romantic sex scene should (ideally) have an emotional purpose. It should either push the relationship forward or further apart. Love scenes are really just emotional catharsis disguised as someone getting their back blown out.** So we need a moment. A space to breathe and feel something before the scene moves on:

His thrusts sped and he tightened his grip on her hair, as a harsh growl ripped from him and he came. He breathed heavily against her neck, his body quivering with aftershocks, his world tilted sideways from the feel of her shaking beneath him. After catching his breath, he pressed kisses to her neck and she giggled. Then, he rolled over and reached for his underwear.

It's not a huge thing. I didn't make the afterglow a super deep and profound moment, but I put a space there, a single emotional reaction between the orgasm and the aftermath, so the reader can catch their breath. He recognized how good it felt and then, they shared a little cuddle. If you want to take it further, you can add a tiny bit of banter.

His thrusts sped and he tightened his grip on her hair, as a harsh growl ripped from him and he came. He breathed heavily against her neck, his body quivering with aftershocks, his world tilted sideways from the feel of her shaking beneath him. After catching his breath, he pressed kisses to her neck and she giggled. "Wow," she said. "Mmm," he rolled over and reached for his underwear before pulling her back to him and kissing her soundly. "Give me twenty minutes and we can do that again."

That's not great, but hopefully you get the idea. I feel like this advice still works for non-romantic smut as well. Even if the sex is rough or antagonistic, you should put an emotional beat in between the orgasm and the transition.

There are few things worse than unfulfilling sex and the same is true for sex scenes. In many ways, they're the same thing. If you want it to be good you have to pay attention to pace and rhythm, appreciate the moment, and don't get up and put on your underwear immediately after coming, like your partner is a video game NPC you're done engaging with.

Happy writing!

**I kept visualizing sex scenes as a singular emotion wearing a trench coat and hat, like the three kids in a coat on Bojack Horseman. Which made me snort laugh, but I couldn't figure out a way to incorporate that description into the post itself. So you get it here. You're welcome.

[ghoulphile]

I absolutely love ur fics!! And I want to write fics of my own soon (not for fallout yet..) can u give me any advice/tips? How do u try to write down the characters as accurate as possible?

Aww thank you so much!!

That's awesome, I'm glad you're getting into writing ❤️

I'm more than happy to talk about what works for me; however, no two writers are alike so some things might resonate and some might not.

Take what does, and leave what doesn't.

Read - a lot. Published works, fanfic, poetry, novellas, series, oneshots, longfic; read it all. Explore different genres and storylines. Find what you like about them, and what you dislike. What makes them good or bad in your opinion. Play around with what you'd do differently if it was your story. All of this will help you figure out a few things: one being what you personally like in storytelling, and two the basic structure of storytelling/what makes it compelling.

Find your voice. We all have a unique tone when telling a story, verbally or otherwise. Figuring out what your personal voice is will help you write authentically but also I can guarantee you're going to be 10,000x more happy with what you come up with.

Showing vs telling is a delicate balance. Sometimes things need to be written out plainly, and other times it works better if you add more meat to the sentence. An example would be: she's angry vs her heart rate pulsed in her temples, her fists shaking at her sides as a wave of heat rolled through her body. While they both convey the same thing, one can be more engaging to read over another.

Sometimes you have to write the boring bits - and write them plainly - to further the plot.

Most people are not a walking thesaurus, and using big fancy words like you're writing a dissertation can be very off putting. Absolutely use stronger words if you can, but you don't need to be using furfuraceous to replace scaly.

Additionally, forward momentum: one action should always lead into another which leads into another and so on.

A first draft is never pretty (if you decide to do multiple drafts) and that's okay.

If you get stuck, go back several sentences. Sometimes we write ourselves into a corner without realizing. OR add what you want in brackets and move on if you're getting hung up on certain parts. An example being something like: He was [find word for mix of angry and sad] but had to stiffen his upper lip and move about his day as if [insert phrase mentioning what happened earlier]. Worse case, put it down for a day or so and come back to it later with fresh eyes.

As mad as it makes me, and as hilarious as it is... writing in Comic Sans helps. RIP.

Saying your sentence out loud can help you figure out if something is off, and saying your dialogue out loud can help determine if it's something an actual person would say.

Taking your time and being patient is the best thing you can do for your creativity otherwise you might burn yourself out.

I find music helpful so I create playlists for every fic I write that matches the vibe I'm going for. Additionally, I have pre-writing rituals that help me get into the headspace.

Yes, cryofreeze your darlings - put them somewhere safe for later. You can use those sentences for something else, they don't need to be completely deleted.

As for keeping characters... well, in character, it depends. Watching/listening to/reading whatever media they're in and paying close attention to the words they say + how they say them + if they have any specific phrases, the way they move + their actions + how they react to things helps a lot. Personally, I keep little lists of things I've noticed that I can refer to if I need them. And sometimes, you just have to suspend your disbelief a little and determine how someone might react to the particular situation you've put the character in. When it comes to that, I tend to think back on when I've been in similar situations or have felt the way they should in that scene, and use how I've reacted as a touchstone.

Write what YOU'D want to read.

And most importantly, HAVE FUN.

I hope this helped, nonnie~!!

Happy writing, you've got this 🥰

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

I think we are not paying enough attention to this little dialogue in terms of contextual info, we are all going straight to the meat of it, which is not wrong, ofc, but we are missing something SUPER important in terms of character development.

Carmy quit smoking

In another of his totally IC "bad choices with worse timing", our favest Italian chef, an addict, son and brother of addicts, workaholic, and with a severe case of C-PTSD and functional depression, has quit smoking during one of the most stressful moments of his life: When he open his dream spot and is USD 850K in debt, chasing a Michelin Star and right after having experienced a nervous breakdown in a walk-in, which he experienced as trauma for having let down the woman he... fumbles.

Not the best moment to switch to gum if you ask me. Maybe to switch to Prozac, but not to gum and no nicotine patches.

I have seen heavy addicts punch holes in walls due to their uncontrollable urge to smoke or get a fix of whatever their substance of choice was and we are not even talking about abstinence attacks, just regular repression of the urge in an attempt to control it.

I've seen people cut themselves for the same.

When an addict experiences those intense waves of frustration, their behavior becomes even more erratic than usual. Usually, this leads to anger issues, but not always. Sometimes they can control themselves enough to look "functional" on the outside, but deep down they know they can crack any minute. They struggle with chronic insomnia or any other sleep disorders, eating disorders, all accessories to the addiction they are either suffering or trying to recover from.

I have nothing but compassion for Carmy at this moment. Not making excuses for him, no. I come from a place of understanding and COMPASSION based on contextualization and honesty.

I am not keen on ignoring elephants in rooms.

He deserves the only lifeline he has left not to be taken away from him when he needs her the most, to still have a fighting chance. And I'm fucking dying on this hill.

I'm sure Syd has too much of a good heart to disagree with me on this one.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[peoplesrazor]

So, the complaints aren't about you having surface level takes, Lily. It's that you only have surface level takes. Even those takes are often wrong or misleading. Your supposed to be a media critic. It's hard to take you seriously in that capacity if you never go into any depth.

Worse, that's you addressing plot, rather than writing; preferring episodic over serialization without providing a convincing argument why it's better; complaining about style, while ignoring the substance. This comes off as an attack against the showrunners and writers and as hating a genre, rather than critical analysis. That's why people get defensive.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy something on a surface level. Some of the best action movies only exist at that level. It's all fight sequences with cool camera angles, exciting chase scenes, and cool dialogue wrapped up in something loosely resembling a plot. And that's fine.

In fact, a common complaint you see about "bad" action movies is that the plot got overly complicated and killed the momentum. I'm here to see a jewel heist. Why the heck is the safe-cracker explaining economy under capitalism to me? Most of us just showed up to watch the overly-badass good guy beatdown the overly-badass bad guy. We don't need the lecture.

However, watching something at only a surface level and wanting all things to be at that level, are two different things. I'm seeing a lot of that in Arcane discourse right now. The natural response to "why'd that happen? It came out of nowhere." is "Did you not see her eyes widen? Not notice how that character was lit? No understand how important it is that it happened in this setting?" To which the first guy will counter: "I shouldn't have to catch micro-expressions and figure out metaphors and camera angles and whatever to get that stuff."

My first, unfiltered response on seeing this argument is always, "then this was probably not the show for you." Again, that's fine. Also, you can enjoy a great deal about Arcane without paying attention to that stuff. It's pretty, it's got moments of humor, great fight scenes, a mostly decent soundtrack, there's a giant battle involving all the characters at the end.

You're just not going to be in on the more subtle stuff.

Which, again, that's cool. I just don't feel that's on the writers or the show. It can be with shows that makes their references too obscure. I just don't personally think it's on the show this time. That's just me, though.

Actually, Lily, I'll give you some credit here. You did pick two shows that are perfect for explaining this. They are also perfect to drive home my point.

You can absolutely watch Avatar and enjoy it only a surface level understanding of it's themes. Kids do/did. Kids always understand more than people give them credit for; so, I won't say they are only getting that the Fire Nation is bad. They likely get that war and genocide are bad, as well.

Might take them a minute to get to "the media's refusal to call it the genocide in Gaza is very there is no war in Ba Sing Se isn't it?"

This, as has been pointed out, is why media literacy is important. So, you can make those connections. Even your surface reaction should be more along the lines of "Oh, the raven represents grief" and not "Ha, that bird won't leave that dude alone." Eventually, you should get to a point where you start comparing Poe's themes of loss, and the inability to move on to real life situations.

Now with Utena if you are really only getting tournaments=bad out of it, you are missing a lot. There is so much metaphor and symbolism going on there. There is so much that's surreal. There is meaning and nuance to be pulled from so so many places there.

I confess, it's been years, probably decades since I watched Utena all the way through...

but I still remember the frigging cars.

Addendum: Guess I felt like writing an essay this morning.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Who Ya Gonna Call?

This is going to be a rambling mental health dump about yesterday. Be warned.

So yesterday afternoon I watched Ghostbusters, my all time favorite movie, that I saw for the first time when I was 6 in 1984, and have seen likely hundreds of times since then, with a friend I've had for several years now who is at least as old as me, who had NEVER seen it. I fucking love watching this movie, especially with people who are seeing it for the first time. My son leaves the room when I watch it because, "Mom it's honestly weird that you know every single word of dialogue." My friend commented on that too, even watching it 'together' long distance and communicating via text. I can't help it. I love it. She asked me why I love it so much. I didn't want to write her a full length doctoral dissertation on Ghostbusters while she was actively watching it with me for her first viewing, but here will be a long essay about a couple of the reasons I love it so much today. I wrote an essay before about how I love that the Ghostbusters are good men, about how even cocky, wryly comedic, womanizing Pete Venkman (Bill Murray) reveres informed consent. I've written about how much J is like Egon Spengler. Some folks have heard me talk about how this movie connects me to A, who's my best friend who passed away last December (You want me to get REAL emotional and sappy, talk to me about Ghostbusters Afterlife. That's obviously about both the afterlife and Egon Spengler. That's like ...a lot. But that's another whole essay. I'm sure I could have just a Ghostbusters blog.)

Today I'm gonna write about 2 things though that no one really thinks about when they see Ghostbusters and one of them is HYPER specific, and it will probably only land if someone else reading this is a freakish super fan like me. But here we go.

At the very beginning of Ghostbusters, Pete Venkman is doing a 'psychological experiment' as a professor at Columbia University, where he claims to be studying, 'the effects of negative reinforcement on ESP (extra sensory perception) ability.' The comedy is that his experiment is shit because he's skewing results in favor of a pretty girl he's trying to pick up. But if you pay attention to the scene his actual results are showing that negative reinforcement improves ESP ability. The poor student getting the mild electric shock on the incorrect guesses, does get one right after 4 misses. And while I can't name the card you pull out of a deck without looking at it, or actually read minds, nor did I ever get actual electric shocks or other physical pain-type negative reinforcement growing up, the subtle negative reinforcement I did constantly get from my family except my grandparents essentially trained me to fucking figure out from whatever you can observe and feel in your space how to navigate it and make a guess at what people need or expect from you in order to avoid that. In my case...I think the negative reinforcement enhanced my 'ESP ability,' for better or worse. I've had many people in my life straight up ask me if I was psychic before. I'm not. I just have a trauma history that makes me so hyper aware of other people's feelings and needs that I can fairly accurately project and predict what they'll do and say a lot of the time. And the closer I am emotionally to that person/the more time I spend with them, the better I get at it. I like that part of Ghostbusters.

And the other piece I want to rant about is the silly commercial they make for the business that ends with the line, "We're ready to believe you," and of course, the catchphrase, "Who ya gonna call?" I'm an honest person. I don't lie. But that doesn't mean I'm always believed. My feelings and needs for attention and affection were ignored, denied, and negated often by pretty much everyone in my life except for my grandparents, A, J, my son(mostly), and some online friends. I don't trust them all the time either. It goes back to all that negative reinforcement and overused and overly relied upon ESP ability. Actually, I don't even trust myself a lot of the time, even though I'm not a dishonest person, especially if I'm thinking or feeling something good or hopeful. My default about people I love and want to trust, and even about my own feelings is, "This can't be real (implied: because it's good)." But the Ghostbusters are ready to believe me. They won't ignore, deny, or negate my experience. It's their promised business model and mission statement. And J and I woke up at 2am today and talked all morning about...life. And about how hard it is to trust and rely on other people other than each other. About how neither of us have anyone really, that we feel would be of any real help to us other than each other. All of our closest emotional connections are scattered and fragile, and all of our closest geographic connections are tenuous at best, but actually basically unreliable to the point of uselessness. We don't have anyone to call. We ARE who other people call. I'm 46 years old and a parent and a homeowner and a college graduate, but I admit I wish we could call Ghostbusters. I like that part of Ghostbusters too. They understand my negative reinforcement and they're ready to believe me and if there's something strange in my neighborhood, I can call them. That's basically my lifelong relationship fantasy. That's why I love J so much. It's why I miss A so badly. They give/gave me that for real.

That's not all of why I love Ghostbusters so much, but it's a start. Thanks for watching it with me yesterday. You don't really know how helpful and necessary it was for me to get through the day. ❤️

[marictheirins]

know your enemy fallacy unlocked in my brain so ive played 10hrs of datv after snapping & the review isnt looking good. ive limited spoilers to just one minor one but look at thyne own risk my honest review thus far---

this game is optimized worse than early access bg3, whole environments just dont load or even unload as i run around sometimes stuff not loading for minutes at a time. i have collected loot from chests locked away clearly from places im not meant to be because the damn wall never loaded sooooooooo

dragon age 2: the sequel right down to varric clearly telling the story like he's written it already. this is not a benefit for me, thats a big negative

the prologue is incredibly disappointing after inquisition's MASTER CLASS in how to begin a game. i could literally play by play moment by moment go into why the prologue of inquisition is one of gamings best openings but haha its funny rook beat up people in bar because bad ass teehee

actually the writing overall has taken a step backwards, most quests are uncreatively predictable & the dialogue is flat & lacks any sort of life. its giving MMO quests.

the combat is fun but it doesnt work half the time with the game forgetting the mouse buttons or number buttons exist ive died twice solely because i couldnt actually attack bc the game didnt register i was clicking my mouse or pressing hotkey 1

custom character gets reset at random & i have to reload the game several times for the game to spawn the correct edited character

i would love to care about neve but its hard to give a shit when her voice actress doesnt give a shit about delivering her lines. bellana's actress over acts and thats fine considering her character but these two have scenes together and its soooooooooooo embarrassing to see which actor cared and who wanted a paycheck

actually it feels like 70% of the various cast of npcs are just flatly reading the script & its violently immersion breaking not to mention the game treats the player, the protag, AND the npcs like they are stupid. rook parroting information to a character who parrots it back is not effective or good writing thats just repeating the same words several times so the player doesnt forget, addled by this happens in scenes back to back multiple times about any major plot point which wastes time & paints me, the player, as too stupid to pay attention when i was told the first time

$80 for 40hrs of main story. youre joking. supposedly theres 60-80 overall if you 100% it but the main story can be beat in 40 flat. for eighty goddamn dollars.

so far this has been a mid tier triple a game with dragon age packaging, it took about 4hrs before i actually felt like i was playing a dragon age game vs a copycat styled game. over the shoulder camera sucks im so over this goddamn pov. it plays, looks, & feels like a sony ip in a bad way. god of war last of us resident evil ass controls camera and gameplay.

its jank, the animations glitch & ragdolling just happens, hair textures muck up, again my enVIORNENTS DISAPPEAR. despite running on ultra bc my rig can handle it the textures & some of the models are plain ps3 looking, not nice at all not a loading issue they are just poor assets.

corridor simulator. i sure love that we finally broke free of the curse origins put on da2 where we had repeat maps long hallways & got to never explore bc dai was more open world & while some of the maps were too big we have regressed to going in a straight line, limited exploration, & each widdle level gives you a chest as a pat on the head because we are playing a very pretty platformer :)c $80

why do i have health pots in boss battles, is this a zelda

companion ai is nonexistent & the tab to open the spell / ability menu to tell my companions to do their job is clunky & invasive & in previous games companion ai let the party fend for themselves just fine why does harding have to be told to heal me when any mage in origins 2 or inquisi just already knew because low health trigger

rook is just hawke again. 3 options for dialogue red purple green dont fix it if its not broke i guess but the inquisitor had more options AND the warden had tons of dialogue choices to really flesh out a character. multiple origins are nice but whats the point of these elaborate backgrounds that are constantly mentioned by both rook & npcs if i didnt get to see or play these events. it feels like im playing someone elses character or that rook isnt a player protag its just the character you play vs one you create

f to jump, not spacebar ???? thats not how video games work bioware even you know this because spacebar to jump is the default in inquisition you absolute morons

if you survived this far heres some positives, the first being that i heavily enjoy the legacy characters popping up to support various factions maevaris tilani the bad bitch that you are i gasped when she walked into frame & i could recognize her INSTANTLY which dai failed to do with its legacy cameos like teagan fiona hell even loghain and alistair are uhhhhh not great so im glad we took greater care in making these characters more identifiable

sorry, lucanis hot. im a stupid bitch who likes the crows leave me alone.

it is pretty, i will give it that its a pretty game. the artstyle is a hit or miss tho

i like when rook smiles its the same smile animation the inquisitor had in dai its very cute

transmog is cool ig

u can call solas an asshole within the first hour of the game and that makes up for negative number six bc its my review and i make the rules

im not having fun. like honestly im not. this game is disappointing but im at this point willing to finish the main story at least to get the lore and closure i want from this franchise. this game is this odd thing that doesnt fit in the series & is vastly different from its predecessors in what i see is a detriment. gaider and weeks are VERY different directors and have split this franchise in two for better or worse. while i love dai its not perfect and started the stray away from the formula leading into scary new territory but at least it felt like dragon age. veilguard just feels generic and boring as any EA or ubisoft title out there it feels like a product im aware im playing a product instead of a game. that hurts the most honestly