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press four for more options. | part four.
( Read on AO3 )
Pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) Word Count: 4.6k Summary: After seeing your ex with his new girl at a work party, you take the not-so-smart advice from a friend to call a sex hotline to get over him. Your match? A baritone bossy dom named Levi.
Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI - alternate universe (modern), sex work, pet names, alcohol, mentions of drugs, jokes about death Credits: dividers by @saradika-graphics
part three. / return to part one. | masterlist
Night comes around.
You do not call.
In fact, you don't call the Scout Services Hotline a single time that whole weekend.
As you scroll mindlessly through social media in your bed, fluttering between apps without retaining a single word or meme, your cell phone weighs heavily in your hand.
Don't call.
Just don't call.
It isn't like you're devoid of things to do.
Going out is an option.
Being around people may help your mood — but you don’t feel like unearthing from your snuggie poncho.
Putting on a movie can be a great distraction — but you know your attention span would barely last through the opening credits.
It was him.
Right there.
Right in front of you.
Levi from Scout Services, alive and in the flesh, holding your phone.
No amount of mental gymnastics can make you doubt otherwise.
He has a voice like no other; one that haunts your day dreams and soothes your nightmares, one that brings this sudden urge to do better for yourself—
Ironically, to be independent and strong on your own.
Which, actually, really fucking sucks now that you’re stuck with the decision to totally disappear from the gym, too.
(Kind of thwarts the whole ‘new me’ chest-puffing you’d started Friday with.)
So you make a final decision:
You still have to go to the gym Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.
Even if you say nothing, keep to yourself, remain a shadow, you have to go.
(There’s a fragile line drawn in the sands of reality. You can toe the edge, but you refuse to. This is his livelihood. You’re not delusional to believe you’re a main character exception.)
Coincidentally, Levi goes every day, too.
Your stomach flip-flops with the unsettling realization that your perch on a treadmill actually gives you a perfect vantage point to watch him as he sets his station up every morning.
Meticulously he sets towels down to place his shaker bottle and water thermos down, as if worried the ground hadn’t been cleaned overnight.
He even takes the disinfectant cloths and cleans every dumbbell he lines up neatly before starting his workout.
The dark-haired man truly is less-than-average in height, which isn’t a turn-off to you in the slightest, but his arms — his goddamn arms.
Levi wasn’t kidding when he told you that he could pick you up.
He could probably pick two of you up, one arm each.
They’re so toned, his forearms veiny from morning dehydration.
Training vigorously in his own world, not once does he notice that you’re the bumbling idiot that’s tripped on the treadmill (see: a few times) from dissociating.
Hell, he hasn’t a single fucking clue that you’re close enough to yell across the room to him.
Would he know?
That you’re Scarlet.
His, in some made-up world.
(Does your voice stand out in a sea of lonely people?)
The cleaning ritual extends to his cooldown, where he properly cleans each piece of equipment before nestling it back in its place.
Levi sits on his phone for a second, dropping down to a bench to scroll — text messages.
(Damn it, have you really resorted to minor stalking?)
As soon as he stands, though, you drop your chin to watch your sneakers rhythmically pass one another on the treadmill belt.
He passes like a ghost, evaporating into the men’s locker room without a word.
This is torture.
You miss him.
But you still refuse to call.
Can't — because in another world you may be his, but in this world, he is not yours.
.
.
— —
.
.
Tuesday night rolls around and you decide you hate life.
Annie, Eren, Reiner, and Mikasa are already there by the time you walk into the downtown hotspot.
The boys as well as Mikasa are still in their suit attire from work, their ties loosened at their necks. Annie’s in a hoodie and jeans, clearly much more interested in having a comfortable evening.
If the emptied shot glasses are any indicator of the plans for this evening, then you steel yourself for one hell of a Wednesday.
You glide through the busy crowds of the bar towards the group.
Bodies upon bodies crowd this place — it’s never not a zoo at this hour, no matter the day. Saying excuse me would only waste breath.
A live band croons on the far end of the smoky bar, forcing everyone to talk ten decibels higher just to hear the conversation.
(Can’t you turn around and go home while you’re ahead?)
In the sea of people, a pair of emerald green eyes over by a cluster of tables in the right-hand corner catch your movement. They widen, recognizing your face, and a lopsided grin of surprise follows.
“Holy shit, she left her cave!” Eren yells, holding up a cheap beer in salute to your arrival.
(Thanks Jeager, you little fuck.)
You don’t hear what she says, but you can see Mikasa’s lips part in tandem with a sharp elbow jab straight to his ribs.
Eren instantly falters his salute, souring in pain.
“I know. Don’t be so shocked,” you state to your colleagues, leaning up against the circular high-top table. “Am I the last to show?”
“Nah, you’re right on time. Armin and Jean’re on their way,” Reiner grunts, holding onto a comically small cosmopolitan in his rather large hand. “Sasha’s on babysitting duty with Nicco.”
You look around the bar for any other familiar faces.
“And Connie?”
“Passed out,” Mikasa supplies. “Took edibles after work.”
“There’s no chance in hell anyone’s waking him,” Eren snorts. “Fucker’s toast.”
Reiner sighs. “For what it’s worth, Jean tried.”
“No, Armin tried,” Annie corrects, finally piping up. She holds something on the rocks — brandy? Whiskey? You can’t tell. “Jean just laughed and kept trying to draw shit on his face.”
“You didn’t see the Snapchat he sent?” Eren asks after a gulp of his beer.
You shake your head, knowing damn well you’ve avoided using your phone for the last several days.
Missed texts, abandoned tagged tweets, your streak in your mobile game ruined — anything so you wouldn’t be tempted to click that little number.
Damn it.
Enough wallowing.
“I’m gonna go grab a drink,” you state, disengaging with the table. “Anyone need anything?”
From your peripheral, you see a familiar mop of blonde hair walking towards your group. At his side is a much taller man sliding through the crowd, navigating the shorter one to the tiny table you’ve commandeered from the masses.
Armin and Jean.
Reiner and Annie shake their heads.
“Nope, I’m solid.”
“Good here.”
“Eren’s got the next round of shots,” Mikasa flatly states. “You’re fine.”
“Ha, hell yeah!” Eren exclaims, before he settles into a confused pause of silence. His head whips to Mikasa, blinking twice. “Wait, what?”
You don’t stick around for that aftermath.
Squeezing back into the lion’s den of people, you try not to get hit with any too-full beverages or waving hands.
You manage to weave and duck, eventually finding a small empty corner at the edge of the bar.
Success.
You rush to claim it before someone else can, your forearm on the wooden surface.
Holding up two fingers to get the one of the three bartender’s attention, she nods once to acknowledge she sees you — she’ll get there eventually.
Two empty stools are available, so you scoot onto the one closest to the wall while waiting for your turn and drop your purse onto the other while you situate yourself.
It’ll likely take a while if the busyness of the staff has anything to say about it.
An hour.
All you need to do is last one whole hour.
Chat a bit, mingle a little so everyone at work doesn’t think you’re a total goddamn recluse, then you can go—
“Is this seat taken?”
A question sounding to your left breaks your train of thought.
The seat.
The one next to you, where your purse lay.
Way to go, dumbass.
You answer on autopilot, not thinking twice about it.
“Oh — shit, yeah. I mean, no! No it’s not. I’m sorry.”
As your torso turns to grab your purse off of the deep red stool, your eyes drop to make sure nothing spills out of it.
“Hold on, let me just move—”
Your chin lifts to find yourself staring eye to eye with Levi.
Wait.
Levi?!
His cheekbones look even sharper under the warm hue of the bar lights overhead, lips parted like he was interrupted in asking a question.
The whites of his eyes grow more prominent with every passing second, making the blue-gray color of them stand out in stark contrast to the black curtain of fringe falling against his temples.
The realization that you spoke — that he’s seen your face before — seems to be hitting him like a goddamn freight train.
Your blood runs cold as your own eyes round.
“...my stuff.”
Weakly you finish your thought, wishing for nothing but death right now.
Maybe a stranger, like a secret agent with wicked strength, will simply rush the bar and put you in a headlock and knock you out.
Maybe your drink will be poisoned.
You’re happy for anything so long as it’s swift.
Levi grunts in acknowledgement, slowly finding a spot on the empty stool beside yours.
Both of you swivel towards the bar, staring ahead.
Silence.
For what feels like hours, neither of you speak. The noise of the bar becomes overwhelming.
Somehow the surrounding voices feel amplified when you’ve lost your own.
It’s trapped between a thousand apologies and half a dozen explanations that sound worse than the one before it.
You need to get up.
Excuse yourself out.
Leave.
You won’t get your damn drink, but that’s fine so long as you’re not here.
“How’s your phone?”
Eventually Levi speaks, and you find yourself wishing he hadn’t.
The effect of his voice is even worse in person — so buttery smooth, the gravel much deeper in his chest now that there isn’t a phone receiver to dilute it.
“Not… damaged,” you reply cautiously.
“Good.”
Another stretch of silence passes, and you forget about ordering drinks altogether.
Your eyes drop to view his folded hands, how the veins protrude even when resting.
His fingers are slender, strong, and hate yourself for yearning.
You have to apologize.
This is crossing a line.
You need to—
“So—”
“I’m canceling my subscription.”
You blurt a fraction later than Levi, proclaiming your innocence before he can ever condemn it.
When you meet his steely eyes, they squint with curiosity.
From the crown of your head to your chin, he assesses in a serpentine pattern before eventually finding your eyes once more.
“How come?” he asks, leaning further against the bar top.
“I— how come?”
You repeat his question in surprise.
Wildly gesturing towards the space between you with your hand, you snort.
“Uh, because that’s the right thing to do in this circumstance? Because seeing you in person is borderline unethical?”
He hums at that, not giving you much to work with.
“And for the record, I did not stalk you to this bar.”
“Didn’t think you did.”
“I’m actually here with friends—”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
Levi interrupts, seemingly unbothered by your rambling.
“At the gym. I can make an educated guess and say you knew it was me from the second I opened my trap, but you didn’t say anything.”
Why isn’t he freaking out?
Shouldn’t he be freaking out?
Just as you open your mouth to continue professing your innocence, the bartender walks over and points to you.
“What can I get you?”
You blanch, no longer remember how to order drinks.
“I—”
“I got her tab,” Levi interrupts casually, tapping his index finger into the counter. “Two hard seltzers.”
Then he has the audacity to glance your way.
“Pineapple, right?”
Holy shit, he remembers your favorite flavor?
Is this a flex?
(It kind of feels like a flex; a way to say I know you, I was there.)
“...pineapple’s fine,” you murmur in return, hesitant.
The bartender doesn’t waste another second to rummage in the mini fridge on the other side of the bar for two slim cans.
For another agonizing thirty seconds, neither of you say a word.
He raises his chin to watch whatever sport’s game is playing overhead on the television.
You stare at your mirrored reflection in the bar backsplash.
This is real life.
The man you’ve spent hours talking to over the phone to, getting off to, is sitting right beside you, yet he isn’t trying to create distance.
If anything, he’s buying you a damn drink and asking you why.
Why didn’t you say something?
“I didn’t say anything at the gym because that would have been extremely inappropriate,” you finally argue under your breath, keeping the conversation strictly between you. “What would I have said? ‘Oh hey, guy I've paid to talk to on the phone every single night for the past week. Isn’t it crazy that I actually go to the same gym as you?’ That’s so creepy.”
When he says nothing, still staring at you, you continue to bury yourself into a deeper grave.
“I mean, I thought you lived, like… a billion miles from me. Maybe from another planet.”
His brows pinch with amusement.
“On Mars, or…?”
Oh.
He’s joking.
He’s actually joking about this.
You turn your chin, brow furrowed. “This isn’t funny.”
“It’s a little funny.”
He crosses his arms over his chest, and you have to force yourself to maintain eye contact.
“I wondered why you looked so scared of me on Friday. Thought maybe I smelled like shit from my workout.”
No, you want to say. Unfortunately it was the goddamn opposite.
“So you’re not…”
“Worried you’re a stalker trying to dox me because of my job?”
Levi blatantly finishes, and you wince.
Clearly he notices your embarrassment, because he sighs and relaxes his shoulders.
“I’m more pissed that you didn’t call all weekend, but then again, that’s the nature of the job.”
You both watch each other for a moment as the bartender returns, passing you both pineapple hard seltzers to nurse.
He pushes your can to your hand, nudging the icy-cold aluminum against your thumb, then picks up his own.
“The nature of the job?” you repeat, and he nods.
“People get bored. Run out of funds. Novelty wears off fast.”
Levi shrugs, sipping his drink.
“Just because you like talking to someone doesn’t mean they stick around. Wouldn’t blame 'em — shit gets expensive quick.”
“I just…”
You trail off, fighting to find the correct words to say.
“...I thought it wasn’t right to call again, knowing I knew what you looked like, so I didn’t.”
Explaining yourself makes your tongue feel sluggish, like you were caught red-handed in a crime you didn’t know you’d committed until hindsight.
“I can leave you alone,” you decide to add, holding your drink tighter. “Like I said, I’m here with my friends and… after all, you were doing your job. A great job. You’re kind of the reason I’m even here in the first place.”
Levi’s brow knits, and your eyes widen.
“Not like that!”
“Pretty shit at asserting yourself even in person,” he murmurs like it’s a cheeky inside joke, and he sips once more. “So how am I the reason?”
He’s not angry.
Hell, he’s conversational.
Not the least bit worried about how you’ve both managed to get here.
Might as well be honest.
“Because I decided to stop being a little less scared of the world,” you confess softly. “It— That’s why I got to the gym so early on Friday. I wanted to start doing strength training, like how you talk about how much you love it. And… I thought, maybe, I’d spend more time with friends. Get out there more. Be more assertive — beyond right now, obviously.”
The dark-haired man’s expression smooths at that in a mixture of recognition and surprise.
The slide of his brow is beautiful, and your heart squeezes at the sight of an animated Levi in the flesh, just as you pictured.
“Do you have to go back to your friends right now?”
At first you don’t quite register his question, but then it causes butterflies to flutter in your stomach.
He looks left to right, as if trying to find your troop of buddies, before returning his attention back to you.
“You don’t… want me to leave?”
Levi shakes his head.
You feel bolted to your stool, unable to move even if you wanted to.
Simultaneously you sip your drinks, keeping eye contact.
It feels intimate.
Too intimate.
“So, then…” You start slowly. “What does this mean?”
“Well,” Levi begins, mulling it over in his head. “Means the whole provider-client relationship has basically gone to shit. You know my face, now I know yours.”
“Right.”
“Then again, that professionalism was already well into a shit pile way before Friday morning.”
You blink, not following. “Huh?”
“There’s nothing in the company policy about what to do when you stumble into your client at the damn local gym, but there sure as hell wasn’t anything about…”
Levi trails off, clenching his jaw in debate.
“...about crossing the line I practically leapt over. I’m good at my job because of my detachment, but this was the only time I bordered on unethical myself. That wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry.”
Sorry.
Levi… was sorry?
The words blurt faster than you can stop yourself. “Why the hell are you sorry?”
His eyes widen with a budding uncertainty.
“I… just said I crossed the line?”
“When?”
“On the phone?”
“Okay, duh, but when?”
“Our last session.”
“So that was real.”
Levi actually got off to your voice.
If you weren’t in such shock about sitting here face-to-face with him at a local bar, then perhaps your ego would have, in fact, made a crash landing on Mars.
He considers his next words very carefully.
“It wasn’t supposed to be.”
Then he sips more before shaking his head.
“Look. It’s… a job a friend of mine got me. I’m not a real-life Casanova or any of that shit. Hell, most of my time was spent training punks to fight in a boxing ring, so I never had the energy for relationships or dating.”
You can't hide your surprise. “You were a fighter?”
He makes a noncommittal face.
“Loosely. Personal trainer, training in general — fell into it after I got out of the service.”
“Right, you were in the army,” you murmur, and the edge of his lips upticks at your recollection.
“A couple of months ago the gym I worked for went under, money got tight, so I thought I’d try it out. Guess everyone says it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, but bossing fighters around and fielding horny-ass callers ain't all that different."
Levi turns his chin just so to regard you under a wispy black fringe.
“I can usually predict what someone wants. The people that call this hotline shit, they’re in and out."
He takes a pause.
"You, though — the second I picked up your call, you threw me through a goddamn loop.”
You use your nail on your index finger to absently scratch the side of your thumb, attempting to process everything he’s telling you.
"First night we spoke, actually, I ended up at this very bar to contemplate why the fuck I wanted you to call back. Didn't want you blowing your money on it, obviously, it's overpriced and ridiculous, but — it clearly shook me up enough for me to take then ten-minute walk in the middle of the night in the first place."
Ten minutes.
That length of time strikes something in you.
“So, your… office building isn’t far?” you slowly ask.
Levi shakes his head. “No, no office. I work remotely. Kind of the reason why I took the gig in the first place. I wouldn’t do this shit if I had an audience in a damn two-by-four cube.”
You’re not sure what possesses you to confess it, but you point past your shoulder.
“My apartment complex is actually six blocks down the street.”
Ten minutes away, is your implication.
His hand had raised to sip from his seltzer can, but it halts immediately.
His eyes narrow.
“The complex on Junction Ave?”
“Yeah," you say.
“Right across from—”
“The Reiss deli.”
That narrowed gaze shoots wide. “You’re shitting me.”
“You say the word shit a lot.”
“Baby, I live there,” he blurts.
“Wait, what?”
Now it’s your turn for your eyes to nearly pop out of your skull.
(You’re too shocked to even process what he called you.)
He huffs in a brief laugh, shaking his head.
“You gotta be fucking with me.”
“I’m not! Wait, you live in the same building as me?”
“You said Thomas was your goddamn mailman,” Levi states. “Do you know how many fucking Thomas the Mailmen there are in this world? I didn’t think we’d have the same one.”
Holy shit.
Oh, holy shit.
You sit up taller in your seat. “Wait, what floor?”
“Sixteenth.”
“I’m on the tenth!” you exclaim in your shock. “Holy shit, so you…”
Have been right above me this entire time.
Your phone buzzes, ruining your train of thought.
Reflexively you look down to see the preview of Annie’s message over your lock screen.
[A. LEONHART]: Did u die?
Right.
You’re here with friends.
“Friends wondering where you are?” Levi inquiries at the sight of your growing frown.
“Yeah, give me a sec.”
You swipe the screen north and type a reply.
[ME]: Talking to someone. Be over in a bit.
Annie’s reply is immediate, and you turn your phone from Levi’s view in mortification.
[A. LEONHART]: 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆
[A. LEONHART]: WINGMAN??? NEED????
[ME]: NO! Do not come over here!
[A. LEONHART]: ok ok ok noted
[A. LEONHART]: i’ll keep jaeger to the left end of the bar
“Looks urgent.”
“Huh?”
You shoot a glance back up to Levi, who’s now angled towards you with his cheek squished against his clenched fist. His elbow props him up on the bar top.
“No! No. It’s just my friend Annie. She — is actually the one who gave me the number to that hotline in the first place,” you confess.
Levi hums in that delicious way you’ve come to crave.
“I don’t want to derail your evening. I’ve already taken you away from them for a while.”
Your heart is hesitant, but it grows despite yourself.
“If you want me to stay, then I’ll stay,” you quietly state. “I… liked talking to you. I mean, beyond the whole — you know.”
He nods once, setting his drink down.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t want you to disappear, either. My job’s not exactly corporate. Not many people can separate fantasy from reality. With you, I never had to bullshit what it was, but…”
Levi trails off, sighing heavily.
“...but I also understand if it’s just a fantasy, for you.”
Something nestles itself between the lines of his words.
Something he isn’t saying outright, sussing out if he has any right to try.
“Do you really mean that, Levi?”
That sigh turns into a curbed huff, smile fleeting but enough to bring your stomach butterflies.
“Damn. Sounds nice, hearing my name in person.”
Oh, sweet Jesus.
You could scream into your damn seltzer, but you decide to play it as cool as you possibly can.
“So Levi’s your real name?”
He nods.
“Not creative enough to come up with an alias."
Levi shifts, rolling out a shoulder.
"But to answer your question, I’m saying I… yeah, I mean it. I wouldn’t mind asking you out for coffee sometime, given we seem to run on the same gym schedule as it is. Just didn’t know if you wanted to leave it at the hotline and call it a day — no pun intended.”
Are you seriously hearing what he’s saying right now?
Does Levi want to step out of a fantasy and into your reality?
Your lips part with a million questions only to end up blurting a very stupid one:
“Are you single?”
That earns a bark of a laugh, causing his head to gloriously drop back, exposing his neck.
(All you want to do is sink your teeth into it.)
“Yes. Very,” he promises. “Are you, still?”
“Very,” you promise back.
“And my job doesn’t bother you?”
You haven't quite gotten that far, logistically, but it's only a coffee.
He isn't asking to marry you.
Besides, he talks about it like any other office job. You can't find any ill feeling toward it.
“Work is work,” you argue with a one-shoulder shrug. “Sure, it’s unconventional, but… I’m so used to not knowing what I want, or second-guessing what’s good for me, and I don’t think I’ve ever second guessed a damn thing with you.”
Bringing the seltzer back up to his mouth, Levi smirks against the can, mulling something over.
You smile in return, sipping your drink.
It's the truth.
He may not really know you, but he knows you.
Just as you're beginning to think you know him.
“Well, if you don’t get too wasted with your friends tonight—”
He steals a ballpoint pen from a dampened closed check from his left side.
Then he snatches a napkin from one of the bartending stations with lemons, limes, and straws.
Hunching over, he scribbles on said napkin, before turning a cheek to you.
“—and you end up going to the gym tomorrow morning—”
Levi then sits up taller, folds the napkin, and reaches for your hand resting on the bar top.
His skin is smooth.
Heated.
Your entire body melts to his whim as he turns your wrist over, palm facing up.
One by one his fingers unfurl your fingers, nestles the napkin in your hand, then closes your fist for safe keeping.
“—give me a call.”
Leaving a twenty on the bar counter, Levi lets go of your hand to slip off of his stool.
You say nothing as you watch him give you one last once-over, expression full of admiration, before turning into the sea of people.
A call.
Flexing your hand, you uncrinkle the napkin to read the number etched black on white.
Not the Scout Services Hotline.
No — his number.
Your attention flies back to the original spot where you've now properly abandoned your friends, but you know they'll forgive you for your absence.
Annie knows.
She'll cover for your abrupt disappearance.
On autopilot you yank out your phone, bypassing the texts from your friends, emails from work, and tap the little telephone icon.
Zero through nine appear.
Hastily you type the number, hesitation long gone, and press send.
One ring.
Two.
By the third, it abruptly cuts. You hear shuffling in the background. Cars beeping.
“Hello, Levi Ackerman speaking.”
Levi Ackerman.
Knowing his full name warms your heart.
Standing from your stool, you rise to your toes to search the floor-to-ceiling windows.
Levi stands there on the sidewalk, holding his phone up to his ear.
“Hi, Levi. It’s formerly Scarlet.”
Immediately he turns to the bar, searching the very same window.
Searching for you.
You smile to yourself.
"My schedule just opened up. I know it's a little late for some coffee, but..."
Trailing off, your teeth catch your bottom lip.
Be selfish.
"Are you free for some tea now?”
.
FIN
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
How are we feeling, Hotliner Nation? I teased that this may not be the end of this story. I'm not against writing a sequel, whether to continue the immediate story or time skip, but I wanted to see what people thought before I spoke too soon. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed our hotline journey together.
In the meantime I invite you to follow me here or subscribe to my AO3, as I have other projects in the works (including finishing the final chapters of my canon-based amnesia au with Levi, Silver Underground.)
The last two months have been such a wonderful journey, and I thank every single one of you for engaging the way you have. I never anticipated such a frenzy when I started P4, so sincerely, from the bottom of my heart - thank you for the comments, reblogs, inbox mssgs, etc. Every reblog gives this writer wings.
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modern cherik au where they both are super famous actors, charles is the nation's sweetheart with his big blue eyes and charming personality who steals people's hearts in rom coms and erik is the tall dark and handsome actor who goes for more dramatic/serious roles. they allegedly have no connection with each other whatsoever until one day a few photos are leaked and the world finds out they used to be together when they were younger and the internet goes wild bc wdym charles xavier and erik lehnsherr were a couple???? they're completely opposite!!!! there's not any public statement about it but after that from time to time they're seen together in the same place or side by side walking or drinking or laughing (everybody is SHOCKED to see grumpy erik lehnsherr scrunching his nose with the biggest smile on his face as he laughs with charles or the fond look he gives charles with an expression so soft is almost painful to see) they'd definitely be those types of couples who are on and off because divorce follows them in every universe so people would never really know if they're still together or not bc both of them are very private about their personal life (especially erik, no one knows shit about his life outside of his roles and the few things he shared before), but lets say they're not together anymore and then one day its announced they're going to work together for the first time in a mini series as the main characters and as a couple and people officially lose it all!! give me something dark and sensual where they can explore their talent in acting and their chemistry and im talking about 'kerry washington and tony goldwyn in scandal' levels of chemistry like people would CHOKE with the tension. lots and lots of eye contact and kisses and sex scenes who look way too real to be fake. and i know we could have the 'lets pretend we're a couple again' to promote the show but i want something more interesting, instead they do the opposite and make it CLEAR how they're NOT together at any chance they get. could you imagine how funny it would be to have charles and erik being SOOOOO passive aggressive to each other in interviews, talking about how it was a torture to work together because the other is annoying in a playful tone, the constant bickering, and at the same time complimenting each other's strengths, because they've known each other for so long they know how to navigate around each other even when their relationship is not in "good terms" so no one really knows if they actually hate each other or if they're fucking or if they're couple or all the options above. give me something MESSY!!!!!!! twitter would go crazy with fan theories!!!!! and then after the show ends they'd disappear and come back months later married.
#the brainrot is real i think about them at every second of the day#they'd do a scene where erik fucks charles over the table and it would go viral on twitter for a week straight#erik's dramatic ass would love to be just saying shit at every chance he'd get#cherik#x men#charles xavier#x men movies#erik lehnsherr#professor x#x men first class#magneto#x men days of future past
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𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (4)
ten years of being one and the same with jungkook as the country's it couple is the perfect disguise for the reality of a tumultuous relationship hidden behind the scenes.
𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: a party at the notorious hotel azure, the hot-spot for the top names of south korea's entertainment industry, goes awry. in front of everyone, your relationship reaches it's breaking point - except, it doesn't. 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: idol!jungkook/female idol!reader and fictional versions of various idols 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. idol au, on-and-off relationship, angst, i swear there's fluff, fake dating, and themes of first love, growing up, struggles with fame, and marriage (ish) 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. portrayal of a toxic couple (implications of emotional abuse and control), both main characters are very flawed, violence, infidelity, foul language, substance use (illegal drugs) 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. based off of "you're losing me" by taylor swift. this is a fictional portrayal of real-life people that implement some aspects of real-life events. extra warning for heavy substance abuse in this chapter - the usage of this is not meant to be glamourized in any way. i don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, so please note the underlying commentary on idol life and substance use. as someone who has been diagnosed with substance use disorder, i encourage learning about its complexities and ending stigma around it. there is also a quick note at the end of the chapter regarding its ending. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤjoin the taglist here! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤm.list | previous | next
you might just have dealt the final blow stop, you’re losin’ me
TOP HEADLINE TODAY: big hit entertainment releases a trailer on official youtube channel, announcing bts’ upcoming world tourㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤapril 2018
two years made a night and day difference in your relationship. after the highs and lows that brought several short-term breakups, 2018 was supposed to be your and jungkook’s year. it was a fresh start and the turn of your early twenties was the world at your fingertips. young, beautiful and wealthy - it was a dream for any idol in south korea.
a fresh start wasn’t always easy when skeletons lurked in your closet, though. watching your boyfriend pace back and forth in his kitchen, a glass of whiskey on the rocks at hand, jungkook looked completely different. you weren’t sure if you’d finally snapped out of the daze that framed him as a teenager, bursting with energy, but things hadn’t been the same in a long time.
“yeah, y/n is coming with me,” you heard him say, your ears perking up at the sound of your name. it was hard to read his tone, but something told you that the person on the other end was surprised at his statement.
he finally noticed that you walked into the room, having finished slipping on your coat. jungkook sighed, tilting back the last of his drink and telling the person on the phone that he had to go. his furrowed eyebrows were telling enough that he was annoyed with you.
“what? i only took an hour,” you said, walking over from the doorway of his bathroom.
jungkook rolled his eyes. “an hour after the party started. let’s get going, the boys said they’re waiting for us,” he complained. “you’re the one who insisted on coming with me, anyway.”
at that, you didn’t say anything because you knew it would only escalate into an argument. jungkook had been recently accusing you of being overly controlling when it came to hanging out with his friends, which led to an invite to tonight’s party to be extended to you, as well.
however, parties at places like hotel azure were now a routine for you and jungkook, which was one of the only things that was constant against change in the past two years. with fame came notoriety and after clawing your way up the social ladder amongst the country’s musical elite, invitations to galas and lounges and the vip section of the club came left and right. everyone now knew you as one of the idol power couples behind the curtain and your respective presences were expected at events.
a molasses-like tension sat in the air when it came to this. although you and jungkook were known as one, it wasn’t easy to ignore jungkook’s individual stardom that garnered mass attention. his biggest supporter, you loved this for him - until you didn’t. he would jet off to tokyo and shanghai to party with a-listers and meet new people everywhere he went. he was rising before your very eyes and you couldn’t help but feel left behind.
“did you not tell them we got back together?” you suddenly asked, trailing out the front door with an impatient jungkook.
he only shrugged. it was hard to keep up when you and jungkook had taken several sporadic “breaks” over the last year. as a couple, you showed your best and smiled in front of everyone. however, your friends were the ones who would witness arguments in the corner of the room or furious frenzies of text arguments whilst working.
it was hard to manage a relationship that was akin to a fire - passionate, but ready to set ablaze at all times.
you weren’t sure how you and jungkook got to this point. you were no longer kids who only had each other. it could’ve been so many things - age, fame, money. there were other underlying issues that came with all these things. after all, by the time you were sat in the car, the first flask was already finished between you and him.
the drive to hotel azure was a blur and before you knew it, you were taking shots with kim yoojung and suzy in the penthouse suite. jungkook had walked away with his friends upon entering the party and it was already a lost idea to find him. you exchanged few words on the way to the venue, as he seemed to still be frustrated with you for a variety of reasons.
besides, it was a jackson wang party. the suite was filled to the brim with the who’s who of the entertainment industry, all mingling and dancing in an exalted existence that only celebrities enjoyed. others were outside at the rooftop pool, basking in the first of the year’s warm air. there were too many things going on at once.
the only warmth you were concerned with was the hot sensation spreading throughout your body from hennessy. “how’s the filming of your new show?” you asked suzy, who was now flushed from the round of drinks.
“exhausting. how’s the recording of your new album?” she sighed.
“exhausting.”
a murmur of agreement ensued. that was why everyone was gathering - an escape from the fastlane of their lives. the industry was draining and every forced smile for the cameras only weighed heavier on someone.
“that nct member your boyfriend is friends with was passing out xans,” warned yoojung, poking your side.
a year ago, you would have made a scene. now jaded and long given up on trying to knock some sense into him, you peeked over yoojung’s shoulder to check out the hallway ahead. turning back to the other two women, you already made up your mind.
“the bathroom over there is free,” was all you had to say and with you swiping your clutch off the counter, they knew what you were thinking. they knew what was in its contents.
you had to - it was a jackson wang party. ironically, you were never able to recall actually seeing jackson at his parties. really, you weren’t able to recall much in general the day after for certain reasons and tomorrow was looking no different when you busted out of the bathroom minutes later, giggling and brushing off your clothes. at the very least, you knew that you weren’t looking out of place, especially if what yoojung said was true. everyone in the room could afford the best to use, so why wouldn’t they?
“we should go to the pool!”
it didn’t take much convincing for you to be dragged outside, as the high was settling in and you suddenly became a social butterfly. the three of you arrived poolside, where you were greeted by more of your peers. you wouldn’t call them your friends.
the exception was jimin, who you were surprised to see. he was very amicable and well-liked amongst social circles, but wild parties were never quite his scene. some of jungkook’s group mates had an affinity for nights out, but you and jungkook attended a specific genre of parties that the others didn’t vibe with on the regular.
you smiled a little too wide. “jimin!”
the group you approached sat poolside on a couch, as jimin scooted over to make room for. you barely fit, but he made sure to make it work for one of his best friends’ girlfriend. stumbling a bit when you squeezed past others’ knees, he offered his arm to help steady you.
“hey, y/n. jungkook went somewhere else?” he asked slowly, examining your face.
jimin had a beer in his hand and appeared significantly more sober than the other partygoers, who were now immersed back into their previous conversation after your arrival. suzy and yoojung were laughing with the others, probably now too high and drunk to even remember that they walked over with you. meanwhile, jimin had his jacket on, as if he was right about to leave until you came outside. his mind was changed when he saw how wasted you were.
you looked around, hoping the fresh air would help you focus. “mmm, yeah. think he’s with jaehyun.”
it didn’t. it also felt like hours since you last spotted your boyfriend, but you were having fun. however, that wasn’t what jimin was concerned about.
“you’re doing okay?” jimin questioned, a frown tugging at his lips.
if it wasn’t someone like jimin who knew you well, it wouldn’t be so obvious that you were now quite inebriated. your giggles were a little too loud and you would never stumble in high heels sober.
when you didn’t answer, jimin finished the last of his drink and set it on the table in front of you before standing up. there was a glint of worry in his eyes.
he said, “stay right there. i’m going to get you some water and find jungkook.”
truthfully, you didn’t want him to locate your boyfriend, but jimin was already off. you huffed some hair out of your face. you didn’t think you were in that bad of a shape.
now that there was room on the couch, you were able to move over. when jimin left, you noticed that the girl next to you was watching the interaction the entire time. she was young and the doe-like expression on her face read that this was her first time at hotel azure. she was dressed to the nines and carried herself with energy.
“hi, you’re nova!” it was more of an exclaimation than a question, when she smiled at you.
your mood dampened at this. you did not have time to be entertaining whatever lucky rookie idol she was, probably scoring a luky invite. you also despised being called your stage name when you weren’t in front of a camera or fans. however, you put on your best plastered on smile.
“hi. you are?” you asked, wanting to try to be polite.
she ignored it. “wow, so it’s true then?” she asked. “you’re dating jungkook! and you were just talking to jimin, you must be so close with all of bts!”
it was like an immediate headache onset, as you tried not to wince at her nearly screaming into your ear. the music was loud, but not that loud. at least she acknowledged you first, some people often went all in by just talking about jungkook. you would have engaged in actual conversation with her if she didn’t ignore your first attempt.
“y/n, try this!”
a red solo cup was pushed in front of your face and you didn’t think twice about taking a sip. anything to not hear the girl drone on about your boyfriend. it was sour and medicinal at the same time, causing you to make a face. the actor who passed it to you chuckled, as you gave it back.
you coughed. “that was disgusting.”
for some reason, the smell of the drink alone made your head hurt. you mumbled an ‘excuse me’ at the young idol, who was still talking about bts the entire time that interaction with the drink happened, and got up. your legs were weak.
for a while, you were walking around with no purpose, observing those around you blankly. when the drinks and the drugs and the desire to fit in faded away, it was boring.
you wondered if you actually liked being at these parties or if you were there just because. the “just because” could have been anything - just because it was expected by your circle, just because it was the only way to let out steam from the demands of your job. maybe even. . .just because of jungkook.
“looking for your boyfriend?”
at some point, you wandered over to the shadowy corner of the rooftop, where someone was smoking a joint. you tried your best to recall his name, as you’d just been on a variety show with him, but the best you could do was remember that he was a member of winner. you winced at yet another mention of jungkook, but ignored it again.
he held the joint out as an offer and you accepted without hesitation, letting the smoke fill your insides. it was easy to ignore the burn in your throat when you’d already been putting random substances into your body since the night began.
“not really,” you admitted, though you did scan the crowd when you did.
he cocked an eyebrow. “oh? aren’t you two always hand in hand at these things?” he made a gesture, referring to the party as a whole.
a year or two ago, you would have spent the entire party on jungkook’s lap and exclusively mingled and drank from that same spot. as time went on and jungkook began attending parties and clubs without you, it was a growing occurrence that you began doing your own thing when you appeared with him.
“dunno,” was all you could say, not wanting to talk more about it.
it appeared that he got the hint, dropping the subject of jungkook. instead, he failed to hide the once over he made of your appearance and you fought a shiver. you felt like you were naked under his stare, as your skin-tight maxi dress didn’t leave much to the imagination. you never felt unsafe to wear what you wanted on a night out - albeit, your boyfriend was usually with you.
“you cold? want my jacket, sweetie?” he asked, sugar lacing every one of his words.
that’s when you became alert, despite your body’s lack of sobriety working against you. he had taken a half-step towards you and you instantly stepped backwards. you’d never been so uncomfortable, but it was a struggle to steady yourself.
you mustered up some solidity in your voice. “no. you can back up now,” you said, handing the joint back to him. “thanks.”
he didn’t get the hint. “then, do you wanna go inside with me? where’s it’s warmer?”
the smirk on his face sent off alarms in your head, as you continued to walk away, he still remained close to you when you did.
“i said i’m good. you’re getting weird, so back up,” you repeated, eyes darting around to see if anyone would step in.
instead, everyone was still lost in their own worlds. some people were laughing away, trashing the bar on the other end of the rooftop. the people you were with on the couch were taking shots. nobody was noticing the interaction between you and this man.
when he took a firm grip on your arm, you thought you were about to throw up. you noticed that you hadn’t even been walking straight and when you blinked, he was already in front of you. your words couldn’t find themselves when you saw double everywhere you turned. you were fucked and you couldn’t even defend yourself.
then, it happened.
when you jumped at the sound of a sudden impact, you thought that you were the one who fell down. but, there was no pain. there was a round of gasps. there was yelling. there was a body on the ground and it was the man’s.
“are you fucking crazy?! don’t you put your dirty ass hands on her ever again or i’ll kill you with my bare hands, asshole!”
the voice belonged to jungkook. it was the first time you’d seen him all night. he was standing over the man’s body, yelling further profanities at him. you saw red - both on his knuckles and in his bloodshot eyes.
you let out a scream when the man suddenly got to his feet, lunging at jungkook. this was when others ran in, straining to peel their two bodies away from each other.
people stopped to watch, but it was almost dystopian to see that some didn’t even care. they continued taking shots and smoking their joints. it was a daze of glimmer and drugs that only existed in the penthouse suite of hotel azure - where the rich and famous didn’t have time for scuffles.
“jungkook, stop!” you screeched, your voice cracking and tears welling up in your eyes.
it took three people to pull jungkook alone, as others also came to the rescue of the other man. jaehyun and yugyeom each clutched onto one of jungkook’s arms, while bambam stood between the two. it looked like they had all chased jungkook from inside the penthouse, who had slammed the sliding door open.
when jungkook picked up a glass beer bottle in his rage, you almost ran in yourself. he’d swatted jaehyun and yugyeom’s grips away to do so. thankfully, it was jimin who dashed in to swipe the object away from jungkook’s grasp, before the situation escalated to disastrous.
if jimin didn’t wrestle the weapon out of jungkook’s hands, it would have been detrimental beyond saving.
“you piece of shit!” snarled the man, who spat in jungkook’s direction. “your little girlfriend should know how much of a piece of shit you are, too!”
at that, you froze. jungkook only narrowed his eyes at him, as if daring him to continue. the next few moments didn’t seem real. his friends took the opportunity to take hold of him again, now with bambam joining in and trying to talk some sense into him.
“kook, calm down. seriously, you need to just - “
jungkook shot back, ignoring bambam. “you better shut your fucking mouth.” through gritted teeth, he kept urging for jaehyun and yugyeom to let go of him, which they thankfully didn’t.
he only chuckled and your heart dropped when he turned to you. “nah, you must already know he’s a piece of shit. you must be cool with that and with the fact that he’s fucking his backup dancer.”
what he said was loud and clear, but you didn’t even register it. you thought you were dreaming. you didn’t know what to do.
betrayal had a funny effect on people and on you, it was seething fury.
if you were sober, it would have been your turn to lunge at someone. you considered it and decided that it wasn’t a bad idea. taking off your heels and making strides towards the man, nobody expected you to clock the man right in the jaw. he yelped, stumbling backwards from the impact. in your state, you only just realized that you’d actually hit him with one of your shoes.
“that was for me, you creep,” you hissed, as he cussed loudly at his now bloody nose.
you even pondered pushing him into the pool, but decided it wasn’t worth it. the adrenaline in your veins - and whatever other substances were in there - wasn’t enough to distract you from the pit in your stomach from what the man said. something in you didn’t even consider the possibility of it being untrue - your gut told you otherwise.
you stared at jungkook, searching for any rebuttal. however, you knew the look on his face. it was the truth. not once did jungkook even try to dispute the accusation. your anger died down now and you were left feeling like you were floating. this couldn’t be real.
it was now jungkook’s turn to stand frozen. you didn’t have time for this or for him. even his friends were frozen and you didn’t know what emotions were on their faces. shocked, but at what? that he was cheating on you or that he just got exposed? reality was beginning to sink in and the only thing you knew was that you needed to get out of there. you thought you looked like the biggest joke in the world, whether his friends knew about it or not.
“what do you think you’re doing? go after her!”
that was jimin’s voice, horrified that his friend was just passively watching you run out of there. jungkook finally made a sprint for it. you’d pushed past several people and jungkook didn’t catch up to you until you reached the elevator.
your vision was waning and the source could have been either the situation or your body finally giving up on you from what you had consumed all night. you needed to sit down. hurriedly, you jammed the button to close the elevator door, but a hand stuck out to force it open.
jungkook was pleading. “y/n, just one second - “
“no, get away from me.”
“look, let’s talk! please!” he cried, trying to enter the elevator with you.
at this point, you were shoving him away. you didn’t care, you needed him out of your face before you began crying. he wasn’t fighting back at all, letting you continuously push him, but didn’t move an inch.
“you’re scum to me,” you growled, eventually giving up and tripped backwards from your own force.
the elevator closed and for thirteen long floors, it was just you and him in that one space.
“please, let’s communicate - isn’t that what you always wanted for us?” jungkook said and did his best to get you to meet his eyes. “bug, come o -”
the fire in your eyes was nothing like he’d ever seen before from you. “don’t you dare call me that ever again!”
bug was his special name for you, short for lovebug. you used to get upset when he would call you your full name over bug. in that moment, it sickened you to hear it.
everything began clicking in your head. the way he rarely called you when he was on tour. the slow buildup of disinterest in your wellbeing. going to places that he always went to without you. being secretive of what he was doing on his phone. this behaviour multiplied recently and with another world tour for bts lined up, you now knew why.
jungkook was living an entirely different life away from you. you just thought he would never have it in him. not the kind and sweet jungkook you met all those years ago.
you ripped off the tennis bracelet from your wrist, which jungkook had given you for your eighteenth birthday. a look of defeat rested on his face when you hurled it at him, which he didn’t even bother to dodge. he knew he deserved it.
the elevator dinged and you made a beeline for the first door you saw. you weren’t even running, but jungkook dashed to meet you there. you let out a cry of frustration when he stood right in front of you, blocking the entrance.
“move or you’ll regret it.”
he ignored you and you instead side-stepped away, using all your energy to exit through the next door before jungkook could realize. he tried blocking you again, but only caught a bit of your force because you were too fast.
the entire time this was happening, you’d been trying to dial someone, anyone. none of your group mates were answering. you didn’t have any friends that weren’t at the party upstairs. the last resort was your manager, who you were about to call, when jungkook stood in front of you again.
“y/n, please. i’ll get on my knees if i have to,” jungkook begged and you could see that he was fighting tears. “please, i just want to talk.”
however, you could also see that jungkook was far from sober. he was in a worse state than you were. a bruise was to soon form on his jaw and his hair was disheveled. it was the lowest you’d ever seen him.
for a split second, you tried. you wanted to try and see the boy you fell in love with all those years ago. you searched and searched.
“what? i’ve asked you for years to communicate in this relationship and it only becomes important after you cheat on me?”
jungkook knew he was defeated, but he still looked at you with those same pleading eyes. “i know i don’t deserve you - “
“i don’t even recognize you!” you interrupted. “i don’t even know who you are!”
both of you knew that you were right. something went wrong along the way. you were barefoot and exhausted, no longer with light in your eyes. jungkook was pitiful and lost - lost in his fame, in the parties, and from you.
that night at hotel azure should have been the end. the storybook fairytale should have been over. in that moment, you would have even moved as far as you could and ran away from the dread of the life you were living. you gave up that night.
unfortunately, in the craze of the night’s events and the substances swimming in your bodies, both you and jungkook forgot who and where you were.
TOP HEADLINE TODAY: breaking news! dispatch releases exclusive photos of bts’ jungkook and s.iren’s nova, reveals that they are dating
you’d been in the big hit company building countless of times over the years, but would have never imagined yourself sitting in their board room with their most senior executives. to make matters worse, several high-ranking representatives from your company sat in the same room, including your ceo and your own manager. at the head of the table were you and jungkook, both stone-faced and unable to look at each other.
entering the room, you considered yourself all alone. your manager was pissed off at you. your group mates hadn’t spoken to you since the news broke, except for sooah. she only warned you to make sure that nobody knew you were high when it happened. the last thing the group needed was an additional scandal where their main vocalist gets sentenced to prison for possession. and, of course, you now had no boyfriend. there was nobody there for you.
“they’ve been building evidence for a long time now, clearly.”
to make matters more humiliating, the company executives were broadcasting the dispatch article on the big screen in front of everyone. the head of public relations, mr. lee, swiped through each photo released like a slideshow.
the first picture was you and jungkook outside of your building complex. another was a sneaky shot that barely captured you and jungkook in the same taxi. it went on and on, until the last photo that depicted you and jungkook standing in front of hotel azure, which was less than twenty-four hours ago at this point.
after escaping the party and jungkook, you spent the rest of your night crying and throwing up at home. it was late when you left and you knew you couldn’t sleep a wink after what transpired. you tried your very best and it was seven in the morning when you thought your eyes were finally closing, until your phone began blowing up.
at first, it was just your manager and you didn’t want to hear about how she found out that you were partying late again. then, not even an hour after, your social media began blowing up with notifications.
i was trying to warn you, the last text from your manager read. you realized what she was talking about, as dispatch probably gave the “courtesy” to inform the company before the article went out.
you thought about your group members, feeling nothing but guilt. you saw what happened to other female idols, whose dating scandals tarnished their “sisterhood” with their members forever. you were terrified of that happening to you.
now, you sat in this suffocating board room, still hungover, and your entire future at stake. the only thing you felt regretful about was not just the impact of your choices on both your group members, but the rest of jungkook’s. they were one of the, if not the, most popular groups in the country.
while the room went over the pictures that were released, you were silent. you long understood the consequences of the relationship and accepted the risk. when the scandal actually broke, though, the fear you felt was unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. on the other hand, jungkook was only apologizing profusely and was in tears. you didn’t realize it until then, but there were also streams of tears running down your face.
you weren’t sure what the main reason for your tears were. something told you that you’d yet to process the grief of jungkook’s betrayal because sitting next to him felt numb. last night, only anger settled underneath your skin. now, being inches away from the man you called your best friend and partner for years, you felt nothing. it was almost an out-of-body experience.
the only way to not replay every single moment he was with her and not you, was to repress the grief. you pretended like it was invisible and out of reach. with that, you figured the tears were for the innocent third parties that were going to be dragged down by the scandal - the executives in the room, jungkook’s group, your group, all of them.
“quit crying! we have no choice, there’s too much evidence - we must publicly confirm the relationship.”
you took a deep breath. right now, you had yet to actually tell anyone that you and jungkook were no longer together. a part of you was too embarrassed to admit that you were cheated on. you also figured that word from the scene at the rooftop party likely already spread throughout social circles. you decided to swallow it down and finally say it aloud.
this was the first time that you spoke up. “but,” you started, “jungkook and i. . .we broke up last night.”
the last thing you expected was a round of laughter. you thought you were imagining it, but when you looked up, the board members were indeed doing so. you were suffering enough, but now you were getting laughed at. your fists were balled up underneath the table.
“are you kidding me?” mr. lee said. “i don’t care. years ago, you and jungkook agreed that, should your relationship be exposed, you would face the repercussions of its reception.”
“mr. lee - “ jungkook started, but was hushed by his company executives.
when mr. lee tapped on his laptop again and cut to the comments section of the article, you thought you would see hate comments. death threats, even. but, you were stunned to face waves of positivity.
the tone he used, though, was devoid of any. “oh, i love this couple so much,” mr. lee began reading the comments in a monotone voice that only made the situation feel even more of a joke. “wah. they. are. such. a. beautiful. couple. i’m not even mad.”
you swore your eyes were deceiving you. stealing your first glance at jungkook since walking into the room, he, too, was shocked and his jaw hung low.
“talk about a power couple, congratulations! here, someone said: hope this is true, nova is luckiest girl in the world - love this. then, a bunch of good luck’s, and blah, blah, blah.”
there was a wave of anger when most of the comments called you the lucky one and not once the other way around.
regardless, the reception of international fans was generally uplifting, which was no surprise to you. what really got to you was that it didn’t stop there - the screen scrolled past dozens and dozens of korean comments that exemplified full support towards the relationship. this was a true mark of positive reception, as they were the fans you feared the most.
as the years went on and jungkook rose in popularity, you became increasingly nervous about your relationship. you watched so many of your peers receive horrible backlash from fans after being exposed for dating, especially the women. being a female in the industry was hard enough and you weren’t sure if you were going to be one of the strong ones in this situation.
“so that your fans don’t feel ‘betrayed’, we are going to let the media know that you have been dating for a few months - don’t even think about telling people that you’ve been together since 2013,” mr. lee announced, which snapped you back to the conversation.
you dared to speak again. “mr. lee, jungkook and i have broken up,” you reiterated, wondering if nobody heard you the first time.
he rolled his eyes. “i understand. do you also understand that this reaction is basically unheard of? have you noticed that you’ve gained almost a million followers on instagram?”
this time, it was the public relations representative from big hit that cleared her throat and stood up. she joined mr. lee in front of the board members, who began murmuring in approval amongst themselves.
“jungkook. y/n. as you know, the love yourself world tour was just announced. s.irens is also preparing for a major comeback and potential tour. this relationship,” she said, “will be used to accelerate the successes of both of your groups.”
a chart appeared on the screen. it showed data from the last twenty-four hours, including both group’s increase in social media numbers, streams, and search engine hits.
“consider it an exchange for breaching your no-dating clause five years ago. until further notice, this relationship, at least in the eyes of the public, will remain.”
this had to be a joke. however, you remembered what you and jungkook were. you were idols. you were puppets of the machine that was the korean entertainment industry. chess pieces. no matter how rich or famous either of you got, it all boiled down to this.
the fame game was one that was never won.
jungkook said, slowly, “you’re asking us to date. . .as a publicity stunt?”
at this, you had no choice. a few individuals in the room, including jungkook, jumped when you shot up from your seat. you rose in order to bow at a ninety degree angle in front of all the senior executives, ignoring how sick you were to your stomach.
“please,” you began, eyes squeezed shut. “i want nothing to do with jeon jungkook.”
of course, the decision was already made and your pleas were dismissed. however, you didn’t see the way jungkook watched you beg your company to not force you in a relationship with a man you no longer loved. his mouth went dry and there’d never been such a moment in his life where he hated himself more. he did this. he pushed you to this point and he betrayed you.
from that moment on, jungkook saw this as an opportunity. he destroyed everything that you and he had ever built. now, the only thing he ever sought from this point on, was redemption.
even though your companies informed you two that you could publicly “breakup” following a year post-dispatch release, jeon jungkook never lost sight of the redemption he sought. they wanted you to be the so-called it couple of the industry and he decided he would do them one better and make it real. for the next year, jungkook would do everything in his power to win you back.
LATEST NEWS: bts’ jungkook and s.irens’ nova confirms their relationship! read more about big hit’s response: “they met as friends and the connection blossomed from there”
𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. for clarity purposes (because i feel like the non-chronological format may get confusing), y/n and jungkook get back together during this publicity stunt and are 100% for real dating in chapter 1. the publicity stunt arc is covered in chapters 6-8, as the next chapter focuses on why/how their relationship began breaking down before the hotel azure incident.
#jungkook fanfic#bts fanfic#kpop fanfic#jungkook x reader#jungkook x y/n#jungkook x oc#jungkook x you#jungkook scenarios#jungkook imagines#jungkook angst#jungkook series#bts scenarios#bts imagine#bts x reader#bts au#bts series#bts angst
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HI HI HELLO! I saw ur cat n mouse gamr for Wriothesley and loved the idea so much! I would like to request f! Reader x wanderer (genshin) playing a cat n mouse game as well hehe. And if you dont mind please do write more on the smut part I am very curious on how itll play out 🫢 TY!
CAT & MOUSE 2 !
character pairing: wanderer / scaramouche x f!reader
warnings: smut, degradation(use of 'slut, whore') + a little praise, oral (m!receiving), cat & mouse game, slight bondage (ropes🤭)
a/n: Hi~, apologies for such a late response :(. had to get some sort of inspo flowing. i'm glad you enjoyed, & hope you enjoy this one even more <3.
"where are you, slut." wanderer's tone echos throughout the house.
you're hiding - hiding, being bratty, as usual. getting your boyfriend all riled up, only to leave him to deal with his boner himself.
not this time, though. it seems you've gotten him a little too riled up today.
you slap a hand over your mouth when you hear his shoes against the hardwood floor, hoping he doesn't find you.
now you're realizing its foolish - and your hiding place doesn't make it any better. under the bed, really?
"come out, come out, wherever you are.." he calls again, obviously teasing you. hes so close, so near, yet you don't have sight of him.
the adrenaline rush is addictive. it's probably the main reason you're doing this to begin with. the rush of hiding, and the chance of being caught, and fucked to oblivion?
its addicting.
you notice it goes quiet. it doesnt seem like the wanderer is walking anymore, nor is he calling for you.
theres only one conclusion you can come to when this occurs.
and before you know it, you're yanked up by your ankles and pinned to the ground.
you've been caught.
you fight him, for the fun of it. to give him a hard time, not that you want to win. not necessarily. the whole point is to get under his skin.
finally, he gets you under control, and thats when you notice a rope being held between his teeth. he holds your hands above your head with one hand, while with the other, he works to tie your wrists together.
"scara - let's talk about this!" you whine, only adding fuel to the fire. you knew he wouldn't wanna talk - why would he?
without a word, he throws you onto the bed you once were taking cover under. "not another word, you hear me?" he demands. "say anything more, and I'll stuff that pretty mouth with my cock."
your eyes narrow, analyzing his. lust swirls in his pupils, a gaze of daggers stabbing you. though, despite the betting stare he's giving, you take it as an opportunity to provoke him more.
"well, if you're so bold, do it-"
you're basically cut off at the last syllable of your sentence when he moves you off the bed. his grip is harsh on your waist, and you were on the ground before you knew it.
"open your mouth," he says in a haste, unbuckling his pants and fiddling with his zipper.
"wha-"
"open. your. fucking. mouth." he demands, stroking the bud of precum over his cock as he waits. you let your tongue fall out of your mouth, mouth wide, awaiting to be filled by his cock.
not taking more than a minute, he shoves his cock down your throat, immediately fucking you.
"you," he pants, the warmth of your throat hitting him like a truck. like a pressure he never knew he needed for the minute. "fuckin' slut. always rilin' me up n', shit."
he continues to shove himself down your throat, your gags filling the otherwise quiet house. he grabs a harsh fistful of your hair and your hands go to massage his balls, tempting him to cum down your throat.
his head tilts back. "god, damnit. you're sucha little slut, fuck, taking my cock like a good little girl. mmh, g'na let me cum down your slutty little throat? huh?"
you attempt to moan in response, the tightening gesture throwing scaramouche over the edge, filling your throat with his seed.
he waits for you to finish sucking every little bit off his cock before moving you to the bed. "good little slut, you must like to be used." he mumbles, turning you over on your stomach and arching your back. "g'na treat you how you want, yeah? like the little whore you love to be."
#cyxnidx#genshin impact#smut#genshin impact imagines#genshin impact x reader#smutty smut smut#genshin impact smut#genshin x reader#genshin smut#cat & mouse#cat and mouse game#yes this is inspired by haunting Adeline#scaramouche genshin x reader#scaramouche genshin impact#scaramouche smut#scaramouche x reader#scaramucci#genshin scara#genshin scaramouche#scara x reader#scaramouche my beloved#scaramouche#the wanderer#genshin impact wanderer#wanderer
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Gwalchy/Geraint comparison

Shwmae! Back on my bullshit once again!! Gonna be talking about Gwalchmai, and Geraint, while also comparing them, cuz it's fun and I read an essay that made me freak out.
Firstly, some background:
What is a Penteulu?
‘The medieval household surrounding a Welsh lord,’ writes Sean Davies, ‘was one of the key Welsh institutions throughout the Middle Ages.’ A teulu - or family - was essentially a household army attached to a lord, or king. Not all members of the Teuluoedd were of high status, and they were entitled to any booty won on campaign. The Penteulu, or ‘head of the family’, was the commander of said force. It was his job to ‘maintain discipline and harmonious relations within the teulu to ensure its effectiveness,’ as well as ‘mustering and organising the teulu for any given campaign or raid.’ Furthermore, the laws demeaned specific duties from him: he was to accompany the king or prince at all times - sort of like a proto-bodyguard - and be ready to do his bidding, only leaving his monarch’s side when performing an errand for him.
The position of Penteulu was held in high esteem as it allowed unfettered access to the king or lord. This meant that the position was highly coveted as he was ‘one of the king's chief ministers,’ equal to a distain, or steward. (Distain’s could sometimes be like a proto-prime minister, like in the case of Ednyfed Fychan!) The role of Penteulu, therefore, went to a kinsman of the lord or king. (Owain Gwynedd made his son, Hywel, Penteulu of his forces in 1157 when Henry II led an ill-fated expedition on Anglesey.’)
So, with that out of the way, onto Gwalchy and Geraint!
First off, Gwalchmai is, I would argue, a main character within the three Arthurian Romances included in The Mab. With this in mind, I'll try and only refer to him just in his appearance in ‘Geraint ac Enid,’ but, if they're relevant, I'll chuck in refs to Owain and Peredur. Also, pls note, I am biased in my opinion towards Geraint, so bear that in mind. I'll try to be as objective as possible, but yeah.
Now, at the start of G+E, Geraint is a ‘junior knight.’ He holds no office of import unlike say Cai, Gwalchmai, or even Peredur. As the Knight of the Sparrowhawk's dwarf notes: ‘your status is not high enough to entitle you to speak to my lord.’ This puts him on a lower pedestal than Edern - and his retinue - as well as Gwenhwyfar. This can be seen in the blatantly deferential tone that he takes up when speaking to Gwen at the start of the tale, and the fact that it is she who enquires of him why he did not hunt with ‘his lord.’
Much is also made of Geraint's lands and holdings within the first half of the tale and, when he fucks off back to Cornwall in order to take them up from his father, you could say that this is when the real problems begin for him. Geraint is easily insulted as can be seen from his reactions to the dwarf, Edern, and, most importantly, his own wife.
This stands in sharp contrast to Gwalchmai. Much is made of his ‘golden-tongue’ and courteous nature within all three Arthurian Romances within The Mabinogion, and ‘Geraint ac Enid’ is no exception.
He is immediately concerned by Geraint and, presumably, Enid's appearances when they reunite in the forest where Arthur's pavilion is situated, as well as when Cai brings news of there being ‘a wounded knight’ who has been ‘seen in the forest there wearing armour that's in poor condition.’ Upon hearing this - as well as the fact that said knight beat Cai shitless - Gwalchmai goes to meet with him and address the slight that Cai committed.
It is Gwalchmai then who ensures that Geraint and Enid receive care - medical or otherwise - from Arthur’s court, as well as, perhaps more pertinently, smoothing over Cai and Geraint’s spat. In this he would be doing his duty as his lord's Penteulu in smoothing over disputes that erupted within the court/within the ranks of his teulu. It is not much of a stretch to assume that Geraint is - at this point - still in service to his lord, and, therefore, bound to his will – which has been carried out by Gwalchmai.
It is also he who sends a squire to ‘tell Arthur that Geraint was there,’ and to ‘ask Arthur if he will move his tent closer to the road for [Geraint] won't come to see him of his own free will.’ In doing this Gwalchmai upholds the harmony of the Penteulu as well as his lord's will, while also enabling Geraint’s wounds to heal.
This system of redress and addressing conflict is one of the key tenets of Cyfraith Hywel - or The Laws of Hywel Dda. Three copies of said laws are extant - the Cyfnerth, Blegywryd, and Iorwerth and all have their own redactions within the texts. These are ‘the principal… Codifications of Welsh Law.’ All set down ‘a series of tractates’ that deal with the Laws of Court, Laws of the Country, and also include the Justices’ Test Book, although no text is similar to another. It is no accident then that the Mab as a whole deals with conflict and the ways it can both destroy and be soothed. Each of the Arthurian texts deals with an insult done towards somebody, be it queen, knight, lady, or lord, and ‘Geraint’ is perhaps the clearest in bringing that to the fore.
Geraint's receival of a blow from the dwarf after Gwenhwyfar's maid has been similarly struck is the first to address this. Geraint reflects that ‘it would be no vengeance for him to slay the dwarf and have the armed horseman take him cheaply and without arms.’ Therefore he must avenge the wrong done to both him and the queen by the Knight of the Sparrowhawk through other means - a tournament.
Like Cai, Geraint is rash. He changes into most of his adventures with nary a care, and also takes immense satisfaction from them. He seeks to increase his own glory by winning tournaments and booty - for example, the horses he gathers from the slain knights - while also both grievously wounding Edern, and, although the text does not state it, inflicting serious psychological damage on Enid. It is he who allows her to be treated so cruelly by himself and other men, and in doing so exposes the complex views Welsh men had about women.
I have talked about this before but in Welsh society ‘an insult to a woman was an insult against her husband and male relatives.’ It ‘called into question their ability to defend their women,’ and cast serious doubt upon their family honour. Not being able to protect their women was, arguably, seen as the worst thing a man could do. Michael Cichon has even suggested that that is why Welsh Arthuriana has no affair angle. It was unnecessary. An audience would've been just as aware of Arthur's failures because of his inability to retaliate against the affronts done to his wife - and him - for it suggests a ‘similar impotence’ to a Welsh audience the way the act of cuckoldry would to an Norman one. It's no accident that in all three Romances Gwenhwyfar is the main target for dishonour. Her honour is paramount for both the King and the kingdom's wellbeing.
In dragging Enid with him - ostensibly in recompense for her supposedly ‘contemplating love for another man instead of him’ - Geraint has, in fact, insulted not just her, but her family, and, furthermore, the queen herself. In abusing one of the queen's ladies, Geraint himself has committed an offence equal to that of the dwarf’s, and so would’ve been made to pay a sarhâd (a fine) for this.
As Jacob Michaud Black notes, ‘women are an unimpeachable excuse for a feud, whenever it can be held that a woman's reputation has been compromised.’ Geraint - in his own way - has created a feud in his mind and it is both the court and Gwalchmai’s task to set him right. They must ‘repair’ the bond between him and his wife. (Repairing in sarcasm quotes because GERAINT, THERE'S NO EXCUSE! I’m eating him alive. May he dessicate from the inside out and rats feast on his bloated corpse.) Furthermore, this is my own interpretation, but nothing much is made of his apparent reconciliation with his wife. The text does not treat it with as much gravity as it ought. Geraint sees that ‘Enid had lost her colour and appearance’ and acknowledges that she ��was in the right’ but - although he does avenge the insult done by the lord who ‘clouted her on the ear’ - he does not fully strive for forgiveness from her. After all, he has committed a greater fault than said lord in abusing his queen's lady and his own wife.
Now, Gwalchmai is the one who advises both Geraint and Arthur on how exactly to redress and harmonise their courts. ‘It is best for you to satisfy the suitors today, and receive the homage of your men today,’ he says to Geraint once they have arrived in Cornwall. Geraint, for once, wisely follows this advice. Moreover, he is positioned as an advisor to the other members of the teulu within ‘Owain’ suggesting that they break Owain out of jail or avenge him if he's been slain. This fits within the realm of a penteulu’s job description, and much is made of said prudent council within the Welsh poetical tradition.
The Triads, for example, position him as one of the Three men who were ‘Most Courteous to Guests and Strangers’ while, in all three Welsh Romances, it is he who reconciled hero and court through words where others (Cai, my beloved) have failed. As O.J. Padel states in ‘Arthur in Medieval Welsh Literature,’ Gwalchmai was ‘used as an honourable comparison’ in a poem by the poet Cynddelw for his patron Owain Gwynedd, in the twelfth century. ‘Taerualch ual Gwalchmai’ or fervently strong like Gwalchmai, while his reputation for courtesy is further alluded to by his epithet ‘tafod aur’ or golden-tongue.
Geraint too is also mentioned within Welsh poetry- although the elegy written for him is for the historical Geraint. ‘Yn Llongborth llas y Arthur, gwyrdewr kymynynt a dur,’ or in Longborth they were killed, Arthur's loss, brave men, they struck down with steel. ‘This poem,’ Padel states 'is of interest … since a later section dwells on horses which took part in the battle.’ In his romance, Geraint gathers a collection of horses from the knights he has killed on his and Enid's journey and it is this intertwining or alluding that is so fascinating. Evidently whoever wrote or transcribed G+E had some inkling of this poem. Perhaps it was a tongue-in-cheek reference to it?
This interlinking of ‘history’ and poetry is intriguing as it allows us a glimpse into how the melting pot of Welsh Arthuriana came into being. Mythological figures - like Arthur, Gwalchmai, Cai, and Gwenhwyfar - enmesh with historical figures, or at least give basis to their mythological counterparts. Perhaps they used these stories as a way to remember facets of great leaders or venerate them in some way.
I've mentioned before that bards were the keepers of history as well as the primary sources for stories. Could it be a similar case to The Iliad where fact and fiction mixed? There are traces of fact and fiction mixed into Geraint and Gwalchmai. Gwalchmai is seen as a figure to emulate within the corpus of Welsh Arthuriana, so much so that he's a shorthand for honour well into the twelfth century. Geraint, meanwhile, offers a look into both the complexity of Welsh laws and how Ards could - and maybe did - certain aspects of story and history things together. (Not to say that I think any Arthurian character or tale is historical. I merely mean in terms of the Arthurian sandbox certain historical personages were drawn upon. As Sioned Davies notes in her intro to The Mabinogion ‘they have been completely adapted to the native culture, and remain stylistically and structurally within the Welsh narrative tradition.’) These tales are ‘not merely written versions of oral narratives, but rather the works of authors using and shaping traditional material for their own purposes,’ and are vitally important in our understanding about Welsh culture.
Sources
Sioned Davies - The Mabinogion'
Michael Cichton - Insult and Redress in Cyfraith Hywel Dda and The Mabinogion
Sean Davies - War and Society in Medieval Wales (633 - 1283)
Natalia I. Petrovskaia - Edling or Penteulu? Ambiguities in the Status of Gwalchmai, Nephew of Arthur
Cyfraith Hywel Dda
O.J. Padel - Arthur in Medieval Welsh Literature
Jacob Michaud Black - Cohesive Force: Feud in the Mediterranean and the Middle East
#arthuriana#welsh mythology#the mabinogion#welsh myth#mabinogion#arthurian legend#y mabinogi#geraint and enid#geraint ac enid#geraint ap erbin#lady enid#sir geraint#gwalchmai ap gwyar#sir gawain#arthurian mythology#arthurian essay#arthurian literature#enid ferch ynwyl#the laws of hywel dda#queen guinevere#gwenhwyfar ferch ogrfan fawr#king arthur#the mabinogi
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HC of Glisten X Reader who is like a Joke character
Like beutiful Man and his silly lover
Big Buff Man Lover lol
Because who doesn't love men? /j
Maybe I misinterpreted the ask, so feel free to ask again if I got it wrong and I'll redo it.
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Well, first things first a joke one-off character isn't going to get its very own Toon off rip. So what happens to get you into existence?
Glisten watches one episode you were featured in. Doesn't matter which one since he's enamored all the same. Your cartoonishly self-absorbed but does care about your friends, much like Glisten. Except the difference between you two is that your more jokey than self-absorbed.
But either way, he starts bugging Delilah and Arthur to add you as a Toon in the main cast. Initially they wave him off, but he can be persistent! Stubbornly so!
And thus, they make a deal. You stay out of the public eye, and they'll make you real. Glisten agrees, and thus you are born...?
You two get along like a house on fire. You'd think that because Big Buff Man wouldn't get along with another... Toon, but here you are. And soon enough you start to appear in play-acts: Basically, practice acts before the real thing.
You can't join him in the acts, obviously. But when you do, do the play acts, he's in love with how your hair (assuming you have any) sways when you dramatically pose. He loves your goofy personality and how you don't really seem to take anything seriously. He also loves it when you unintentionally mess up a line because it's usually replaced with something funny or goofy.
Glisten is still Glisten, and he'll usually ask you with questions such as, "Don't I look beautiful today, angel?" and when you reply with yes, he still goes, "Of course I do!" But he will tone it down if it starts to affect your ego. Because he still loves your self-confidence.
He would absolutely show you off in front of the other Toons as a 'I have this hunk of a person, and you don't' kind of thing but he won't ever say that out loud. Regardless of how other Toons react to you, he is always showing you off, even when you don't really want to.
He does genuinely care about you, and does give off endless compliments towards you, even if you mess up because of your nature. If you do mess something up, he'll wave it off initially as a 'don't worry about it' gesture but do it enough times and eventually he'll relocate you to somewhere you can't do any damage.
And by relocate, I mean you're going in the timeout corner.
#Dandy's World#Dandys world#Dandys world x reader#Dandy's World x reader#Glisten x reader#Dandy's world Glisten x Reader#Glisten: Darling please stop dancing to buck bumble#You: No
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DESIGN DEEPDIVE:
OCTAVIA KRANKENSTEIN
due to popular demand, here is my first DESIGN DEEPDIVE, where i explain all my little character designs! character design is really important to me, so i hope you guys appreciate this TwT
this deepdive goes over octavia krankenstein, the main character of my series reassassination. firstly, we'll go over shapes and color pallete, the first things you notice when looking at most character designs.
when it comes to octavia's shapes, we can see that she's primarily made of squares and triangles. this establishes two things about her right off the bat:
- she's sharp, and personality wise, probably dangerous and active.
- she's strong, and possibly stubborn.
however, a detail that i want to point out is octavia's singular circle, in the form of a button on her dress under perfect pendant. i've added this button to indicate that behind the sharp, tough exterior, octavia has some empathetic traits. the location of the button is also important, being at the heart. (this exerpt is from my own personal factfile for octavia):
"...Octavia is a particularly self-contradictory character - while she's apathetic to the idea of killing, she can't stand the idea of harming innocents - meaning she often feels the need to justify her homicidal tendencies."
the color pallete of octavia is also important. as you can see above, she's made up of two colors and a tone - black, scarlet, and seafoam green. i want to focus on black and scarlet here.
when it comes to black, i think it's an interesting color both technically and in terms of character. black was used to give octavia's design the vibe of an executioner or medieval assassin. it blends into the night, and hides bloodstains, so it makes sense for octavia to wear it as an assassin. however, this is juxtaposed by flashy red details, which indicate several things about octaiva -
- she cares a lot about fashion and the way she looks, even if it isn't functional. the style of clothing that octavia wears is heavily inspired by 2000s "mallgoth" and the general nu-metal scene, which was often red and black clothing. (cybergoth was also a small inspiration!)


- octavia is a character with a lot of freedom. this might seem like a stretch, but in color language, red indicates action, confidence, danger, passion, and power, along many other things. in canon, octavia's dress was given to her by another character (dr. krankenstein) completely black, and then octavia edited the dress herself to include red details. this on its own might seem like nothing, but the thing about octavia is that her design is complimentary to another character's; vivica de la crux.
vivica is a character who wants freedom, but has next to none, to say the least. therefore, her "red" qualities (passion, freedom, etc), are stifled, so she has very little red in her design compared to octavia. side by side, you can see that their designs have a strong contrast in this regard.
- and lastly, octavia is vulnerable in that she wears so much of her personality literally on her sleeve. while octavia may seem stoic and mysterious in terms of character, and possesses strong physical strength, she lacks social awareness and struggles in that regard, being a social outcast within the story.
alright, now it's time to go over body type, hair and outfit! these are all pretty important in my opinion.
firstly, body type. octavia's heavily exaggerated thinness which is actually inspired by that "scene kid" artstyle that you've probably seen before, and 90s/2000s cartoons and comics in general (SPECIFICALLY the art of jhonen vasquez, who made invader zim and JTHM)!


of course, octavia's hair gives her design more depth and volume, and a strong silhouette - one resembling a ghost or spiky monster. as you can see in her ref sheet, there are 3 spiked ends on either side of the hair. in fact, there are a lot of matching pairs of threes in octavia's design, aren't there?
- three bottom eyelashes on either eye - 6 in total
- three bows on either boot - 6 in total
- and of course, three hair spikes on either side - 6 in total.
that's right! octavia's design hides a secret 666, which relates to her alternative name - experiment-666 - and the fact that she's literally seen as a demon to the clear crucifix org, the antagonists of the story.
but let's look at octavia's outfit entirely. or maybe not? the thing about octavia's design is that i wanted it to be one where you could deform and modify it in various ways, and no matter how many details you remove, it's still clearly octavia. kind of like hatsune miku!
in the end, octavia is supposed to feel like a character from the 2000s, rather than just one based off of 2000s alternative culture. i don't know if i really succeeded with that, but i'm still proud of her design regardless. if you read all of this ramble to the end, thank you so much! i might do more design deepdives for other characters if people are interested. you can even request specific characters of mine if you'd like!
#zeno's art#ocs#reassassination#octavia krankenstein#design deepdive#long post#very long post#PHEW#had to leave some details out because they're related to spoilers or too obvious#eg pendant is at octavia's heart because it keeps her alive#and the stitch motif#but other than that this is basically everything about octavia's design#and a little bit of vivica too
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Cobra Kai has a tone-deaf problem.
Now, I am a Black woman so all of my observations are through the lenses of that. You can critique my words all you want, but don't be disrespectful because I will be equally as disrespectful in the replies.
I have this phenomenon that I've noticed for a lot of shows I have watched that I call "The Leo Dooley effect," inspired by character from the Disney XD show Lab Rats, where the main character, a POC who set the tone for the whole story, is surrounded by a white ensemble cast that slowly but surely pushes that character aside to serve their purpose.
Cobra Kai does the same thing with Miguel Diaz, as he seems to be the sole reason why any of these things on the show are happening (for better or for worse) and gets one of the worst character driven storylines throughout the series post-coma (I rewrote his story on my blog. Go find it under the Miguel or Xolo hashtags) to further make the show The Robby Show (we'll get into the tone-deaf writing of his character this past season in a minute). He becomes a shell of a character, empty, boring, and in the sidelines all up until the final season, where the writers seem to remember *snaps fingers* oh shit, Miguel's one of our protagonists, and writes an okay story for him. Better than his s5 plot, but not as good as the stuff we got in s1, 2, and the last half of 3 and 4.
Now, s6 has him in his true prime (not in the way people claimed he was in the past seasons). He's got a clear mind, he's goals-oriented, you wouldn't even be able to tell that this kid was paralyzed from the waist down a year ago (in-universe time). However, he's out-performing everyone, was single-handedly saving his team, and it wasn't even enough for Johnny. It was very interesting to watch as People of Color, especially Black and Brown people, tend to have to go above and beyond to prove that we're the shit, but it'll never amount to anything if our white associates (minus Devon in this case - more on her later) aren't doing anything. But the second they do, everyone is getting praised. Miguel knocked his opponent out in forty seconds. FORTY SECONDS. But because the team wasn't doing good overall, he got no attention. I know that feeling all too well and it sucks.
As much as I thought Johnny's "Miguel is our anchor" line was powerful, it also didn't at the same time. The Magical Negro is such an annoying stereotype, as well as the Strong Black Woman/Man, and the Brown and Asian variations that come with it.
Miguel is the Brown equivalent of the Magical Negro, trying to tell the white Johnny what's right and wrong. Teaching him what's okay to say and what's not, despite Johnny being grown enough to probably understand shit on his own. He basically is teaching Johnny in a sense despite the fact that it should be the other way around. And I know that's a typical mentor/mentee thing trope but with how the show goes out of its way to show how self aware of modern problems it is, it's hella tone-deaf.
In terms of the Strong Black Man trope (or in this case Brown), Miguel isn't always strong. He breaks down and cries pretty often but it's viewed by the fandom as annoying, weak, and pathetic, as well as not manly which pisses me all the way off because every time he gets emotional, it's with valid reason. Losing his girlfriend (both times), finding out he's paralyzed, apologizing for running away, his mom possibly dying, not getting into Stanford (tho this would've had more of a punch if Stanford actually mattered but it doesn't whatever). Also, he's a 16/17 year old Brown kid in poverty who was embarrassingly bullied MULTIPLE TIMES. You're telling me you didn't cry as a kid? But when Robby cries every once in a while (which is also equally as valid because he was also a kid in poverty who was bullied), everyone holds his hand and says "it's okay."
"He's our anchor." It just sounds so off to me. Like has to be the one to help everyone else, when you have two Captains who can do the exact same thing. We as POCs have to be the ones to hold down the fort and keep things steady on our backs while white people can settle for mediocrity and not have to do to much because "hey, the POCs got us." It's just like that "if you're in danger, find a Black woman" thing. Because we're expected to be the ones to save y'all when y'all are in trouble. But when the roles reverse, we're expected to save ourselves because we're strong. Y'all don't like it when Miguel isn't emotionally or physically tough because y'all expect him to push through since he's the main character, but it also feels like he's expected to push through because he's a Brown boy in poverty so he's been through enough.
Tory's "we have to fight to get a spot in life" speech was well performed by Peyton List but it felt strange to see a white woman explain privilege to a Brown boy who has less privilege in comparison to her. I have always had a problem with that scene and I never won't have an issue with it.
Moving on to Kenny. Kenny is the only Black character of current time to be in the ensemble. Aisha was on the show but left ofc. Kenny, like Miguel was brutally picked on, primarily by white kids, especially by white rich boy Anthony LaRusso. In the fandom Anthony tends to be the more favored overall. Kenny is primarily favored on the Black side of the fandom (much like Miguel). Similar to Miguel, there was a moment in s6 part two that may have not been intentional but in my eyes, felt very racially targeted.
Hawk and Demetri were very skeptical towards Kenny because they assumed that he was working with Silver despite the fact that Kenny didn't even want to do the Sekai Tekai to begin with after he became publicly bullied again. During a round of tag-teamed fighting, the boys refused to let Kenny in, causing them to lose the round due to Robby not being prepared to be tagged in (he thought they were gonna tag Kenny). Kenny gets mad, rightfully so but the boys didn't back down on their theory (the only reason this theory was even a thing was because they say Kenny and Silver talking and assumed the worst). It took the team's "anchor" to give Robby a pep talk to lead and the others will follow (you know, something a Captain should already know) for Kenny to get the attention he deserves. And then Hawk and Demetri finally accept Kenny. All because the white guy said "hey, we should tag him in."
That sounds so off in so many ways.
It wasn't intentional, I know. But the fact that this was something that happened and the boys didn't even apologize to Kenny after for the assumptions they made only furthers my point on how tone deaf this show can get. Amanda, Miguel, and Robby are literally the only people who see Kenny as more than just a Silver puppet and it sucks because Hawk and Demetri were in the same spot as Kenny once upon a time.
And then there's Devon, the overworking, overwhelmed Asian girlie who tries her hardest to seek validation and gets overlooked. Similar to Miguel in this new part, Devon got ignored badly in the first part. It was so bad that she cheated to get into the Sekai Tekai and got her ass handed to her. And like Miguel, it takes her to have to explain to her white sensei that she's being ignored for him for her to be taken seriously. She's not the best fighter by any means but I thought we were done with this Asian stereotype years ago. And the way Sam talked to her after literally celebrating her victory with all smiles and everything in the first part??? Like it felt so fake as hell.
Finally, Robby. Robby is written well, we all know that. But this shit that they did to him in the second part pissed me off, especially since it's not gonna get addressed apparently. So Robby gets drunk at a bar and basically follows Zara back to her hotel room. Next time we see them, he's disoriented, and she's kissing him. I'm sorry, but that's sexual assault, yes? Robby was drunk and didn't remember anything. So that's her taking advantage of him, yes? Well the creator apparently doesn't think so and is saying that Robby made a mistake and that the interaction won't be talked about next part.
Bitch, Robby is a VICTIM.
Zara sexually assaulted him. Just because he's a man doesn't change the fact that the man got taken advantage of by Zara.
Like did we watch the same scene?
This show has so many problems and I feel like since it's a show about fighting no one cares. But as a Black woman, I see this shit and in between the lines, there's so many issues that won't even get fixed because the show is over.
#xolo maridueña#tanner buchanan#dallas dupree young#oona obrien#cobra kai season 6#cobra kai#miguel diaz#robby keene#kenny payne#devon lee ck
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https://www.tumblr.com/ivyminie/785523974989922304/came-accross-jon-bellions-demo-for-seven-that-was?source=share
Like I know Jimin's whole "JK is my copycat" thing is a joke but genuinely one of the biggest issues that JK has is that so much of his work is just him mimicking other artists he likes whether it's JB or Charlie Puth. Every artist gets inspired by the greats before him but you have to build on that and create your own signature style.
Jimin's pretty lucky in that his vocal tone is already unique enough to set him apart but he also elevates the songs he sings and that's more obvious in his solo work over the group setting. I think that's why it annoyed me to see JK giving Jimin singing advice on are you sure because - maybe JK is a better singer on a technical level (I guess? I'm not a pro so I'm assuming based on how every member goes to him for advice on vocals) - but Jimin songs are simply more moving and effective and that's because he's better at injecting actual emotions into his songs. JK used to be able to do it once in a while before but not on any of his solo stuff.
Of course this is all highly subjective but listening to JK's main singles - 7, 3d, snty, euphoria (overrated af btw) - if you replaced him with AI, would we even notice? Genuine question. Still with you was the last time he showed true potential imo
Omg the way he pissed me off so bad when he did that during ays, just extreme immaturity on his part tbh, because even if he believes his advice to be helpful (which it wasn't, i was screaming through the screen for jimin to not fucking listen to a single word he was saying about changing the way jimin was singing the words which is part of his vocalprint and makes such a difference) it simply was the right time to stfu because that was a wrapped up recording already there was no point in doing this at all, but he was so in this lame singing competition judge character he didn't take a second to think that was a vulnerable moment for a member to show him a song they finished recording before it releases. I think that was really the moment in ays that was above my limits and that i find legit to criticize. (anyway i went on a tangent here)
Back to jks vocals, i agree and i think for golden the lack of emoting and vocal personality was so obvious, he was matrixed by this whole thing of trying "new vocal techniques" but failed to showcase authenticity emoting all of that...which as you said he had in his old solo songs but golden is just void of it. Its also so ironic that during one of his lives he said that he was looking at his ai covers on tiktoks and trying to copy it and that says a lot already.
Personally i love jimins voice so much and its genuinely the best, he is so lucky to have such a unique rich tone (there is so many artist who would kill for that) and in an oversaturated industry with so many singers that's such a huge plus. His ability to emote is out of this world and is one the most important things for me, to feel what you're singing for it to reach the person who's listening and jimin no matter the storyline the theme he has the ability to become one through his voice with it. Last thing i would mention is in terms of technique jimin to me actually uses so much more vocal techniques that can look subtle but are soooooooooo hard to do and imitate that's why no one is able to sing his songs or bring the feelings of the songs the same way he does. I was the most fascinated by his like crazy acoustic version and still think that performance needs to be taught and who in another world would have definitely deserved best vocal performance on the grammys or something i'm not even kidding.
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The Selfishness of Lily Orchard
Lily’s selfishness isn’t just occasional—it’s systemic. It shows up in so many corners of her behavior that it forms the core of how she navigates relationships, criticism, and public platforms. And the more you look, the clearer it becomes that she’s built an entire online persona around taking and demanding, without ever giving back in meaningful or reciprocal ways.
Let’s start with something we touched on earlier: her tendency to frame normal, neutral interactions as boundary violations. When a viewer makes a kind suggestion—like offering soup when she’s sick—Lily doesn’t receive it as care. She calls it “pushing boundaries.” The takeaway? You’re not allowed to care for her unless it’s on her very specific terms. This isn’t about emotional safety—it’s about control. She doesn’t consider how the other person feels, or what their intent was. The only thing that matters is her discomfort. That’s not just a lack of empathy. It’s an act of selfishness: weaponizing personal boundaries to avoid emotional accountability while still maintaining full control over others.
We also see this play out in the infamous “gift sub” incident on Twitch. Her chat celebrated by giving her gift subs, and she lashed out angrily, blaming them for hurting her with the notification noise. Instead of muting alerts or calmly explaining the issue, she ranted. Her stance boiled down to, “I’ve already said I don’t like it, so if you weren’t there to hear it, too bad.” There was zero acknowledgment that her viewers were trying to be generous. No empathy. Just, “I’m in pain, so you did something wrong.” Again: her comfort > your good intentions.
Then there’s how she positions herself as a perpetual underdog or victim in every situation, while still demanding total power over the conversation. For example, she claims to hate fascism, but runs her spaces in ways that are deeply authoritarian. She purges anyone who disagrees, bans people over tiny infractions, and labels any form of dissent as harassment or stalking. That’s not community leadership—it’s tyranny under the guise of protection. She takes no responsibility for the kind of space she creates, even though she sets the tone herself. Everything bad is someone else’s fault. Everything good is due to her strength and resilience.
And let’s not forget her hypocritical stances. She claims to be pro-autistic rights, but has expressed disdain for autistic people who “don’t mask,” because she finds masking easy. She has a diagnosed history (Asperger’s, reportedly), yet she has no patience for people who struggle differently than she does. Her default mode is, “If I can do it, so can you,” and when others can’t? She dismisses them. This isn’t just ignorance—it’s that same selfish impulse again. If your experience doesn’t validate hers, she sees it as an inconvenience.
Even her critiques of media operate under this self-centered lens. Her Owl House commentary is a perfect example: Luz, the main character, goes through a guilt spiral and depressive slump. Lily’s response? Zero compassion. In fact, she goes so far as to say Amity should leave her. Why? Because Luz’s sadness is inconvenient. This isn’t analysis—it’s projection. And it reflects the way Lily handles people in real life: she has no time for emotional needs that aren’t hers.
She also holds onto petty grudges in the most performative ways possible. She’s known to write off shows entirely if they’re associated with people she dislikes (like Steven Universe), and will conveniently praise something she once ignored (Hazbin Hotel) just because she no longer feels loyalty to a former friend. She doesn’t analyze media based on its content. She analyzes it based on what it does for her ego in the moment. Again, it’s not about insight—it’s about serving her own narrative.
And perhaps one of the most telling aspects of her selfishness is that she doesn’t grow. She doesn’t reflect. She doesn’t try to improve her approach for the sake of others, or even herself. She expects her audience to accommodate her stagnation—to keep up with her outdated references, tolerate her hostility, overlook her contradictions, and act like she’s still relevant even as her style and attitude grow increasingly out of step with current platforms and communities. She won’t change, and she demands you adapt around that.
So to summarize it all: Lily doesn’t give—she only takes. Your sympathy, your attention, your viewership, your loyalty—all are things she believes she’s entitled to. But when it comes time to reciprocate? To show understanding, patience, or care? She doesn’t even try. Because in her world, the only feelings that matter are her own. Everyone else exists to serve a role in the Lily Orchard narrative.
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really need to analyze the ted lasso-fication of the bear…
like the declawing of the more wild and weird bits in order to cater to a certain sentimentality…
and it’s not all gone, you have moments of weirdness (the cyclist in copenhagen) or interiority (syd’s food crawl montage), but nothing like season 1 where we’re in dreams (carmy’s kicking off the series, and carmy’s starting the finale of s1) and possible hallucinations/magical realism bits (fak and ball-buster). but it’s leaching out in s2 and you don’t have anything (as far as i can remember) like that in s3
and don’t get me wrong, an episode like fishes is incredible in its commitment to portraying a very real family dynamic and mental illness, and goes such a long way in showing us why all the berzatto siblings are the way they are.
but along with the surreal/magical realism bits, some of the more worrying mental health shit carmy was dealing with in s1 also disappeared (sleep-walking, dissociating). it’s just panic-attacks all the way down (and syd vomiting <3)… and there’s this over-reliance on, like, therapy-speak that i think is especially exemplified in Richie’s arc—that always felt cheap or rushed to me… like richie is a dirtbag with a heart of gold, but i think they really scrubbed him of all dirtbag-ness too quickly in season 2.
like, idk… i will say s3 is lyrical. it’s a less bombastic season, and seemed to me to be more meandering… a kinder person might call it “slice-of-life.”
and part of that is the de-centering of carmy as the main character: the show’s opening up into more of an ensemble show. but why not give us more surreality or interiority for the other characters, instead of doing away with that? like i always wonder why marcus tells syd (i think i remember that’s who he’s talking to in copenhagen about the dreams) he’s having nightmares, instead of showing us the nightmares???
and we do still get some carmy interiority season 2: with the panic-attack flashes and the walk-in freak out. but then with s3 it’s just the lyrical montage first ep of s3, which feels less like carmy evaluating or experiencing these memories involuntarily, than a curated flashback constructed *for the audience*. it feels too clean. it’s cramming in too much too quickly, no real time to let things breathe. like the deboning scene in the finale should have been a satisfying beat in a proper flashback ep, i think.
…
anyway,, i don’t quite know what i’m getting at with all this, but the gradual leeching out of surreal bits seems tied to the removal of carmy’s more intense mental health issues, as well as the reduction of Richie’s more asshole-ish behavior…
it’s a flattening in certain respects in order to reach for this found-family, healing tone, when people’s dysfunction and warping are often the most interesting thing in a show, especially under stress. and i think it’s also expanded to other characters, where we aren’t granted interiority to marcus’s worries or his obsessions, which flattens him a bit. syd too. she had a temper s1! she stabbed richie and walked off the expo line… i’m missing that fire from her…
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This may be an unpopular opinion, but I have to say it and here seems to be a safe place, so here goes:
With the exception of Bildad and the final 15, Season 2 could have been an email.
Literally. Crowley walks into the bookshop looks at his phone, says to Aziraphale "Apparently Gabriel and Beelzebub ran off together."
Que the metatron and the entire meltdown from there, and the rest of season 2 is finding out wtf and the 90 minute thing is just domestic life at the south downs and smut.
But that's just me.
Hi Anon. Well, I'm glad that you feel my blog is a safe place to share your opinions--that truly does mean a lot to me. I'm not sure how unpopular your opinion is, though, as I've heard others express similar sentiments/dissatisfaction with the second season. (Also "Season 2 could have been an email" just flat-out made me laugh, so thank you for that...)
I think part of the problem with GO 2 is the difference that we see when thinking of GO season 1. Because even though we know who wrote the script, GO 1 is still the product of the book, and so much of that strong voice and world-building feels like it came from Terry Pratchett. There was a unity of vision and place, and the plot (however occasionally convoluted) made sense and advanced with each episode.
With GO 2, though, that unity and voice were noticeably missing. We know that season 2 was meant to be a "transitional" season, to bridge the gap between S1 and the sequel that Terry and NG had planned (that would then become S3). But multiple writers were brought in to write the "mini-sodes" in each episode of S2, and it created a shift in tone that left the season feeling wildly all over the place. These mini-sodes ended up feeling like little more than filler as the larger plot (which was arguably a lot less interesting) plodded on in the background, and the whole season suffered as a result.
The overall problem was that pacing issues meant that it took much too long for us to get essential information, and the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley was almost relegated to the back burner in favor of focusing on Beez/Gabriel. And that, perhaps, is the most egregious issue with S2--that NG had this incredible chemistry between Michael and David that had absolutely made S1 what it was, and all but wasted it with certain writing choices. In fact, much like S1, it was Michael and David who elevated what they were given far beyond what the writing might have allowed.
I am not trying to diminish whatever direction Douglas Mackinnon may have given them, of course, but so much of what we saw--1941 (which is still one of my favorite Ineffable Husbands eras), 1800s Scotland, and everything in the Bildad sequence--came so brilliantly to life because of Michael and David. And in spite of other plot lines and characters (in the case of 1941, the zombie Nazis) threatening to drag it down. So yes, the overall challenge with season 2 seemed to be information being delivered unevenly, over too long a period of time, with too many characters that did not prove consequential to the main story, and with too little payoff in the end.
As for the 90 minute movie, I think now we'll have to have a resolution to the situation with Metatron, which unfortunately will cut into the limited time that we now have. But I would also love to see a focus on domestic life/smut at South Downs, or at least something that takes the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley seriously--which is very much the main thing that is important to so many of us--and uses Michael and David's chemistry to its fullest effect.
Those are my thoughts on season 2, and in response to your ask. Again, I am sure you are not the only one who has felt this way, and hopefully folks will now feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts as well. Thanks for writing in! x
#anonymous#reply post#good omens#good omens 2#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#michael sheen#david tennant#bildad the shuhite#metatron#gabriel#beelzebub#also it's interesting that when GO 3 was changed to the 90 minute movie#so many worried about the loss of NG's writing and 'voice'#and yet when he was left to write S2 his voice alone (without Terry) had a tangible effect on the quality of the show#and not necessarily in a good way#i'm happy to hear what other folks think as well#thoughts#discourse
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Epicenter Initiative, a Better Way for Combat to Flow from Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy.

youtube
So, plenty of games do it their own way, but from our experience, there’s two main ways to do turn order in TTRPGs: “Rolling for initiative,” and “freeform turn order” is what i will be referring to them as for
These both kinda suck.
“Roll for initiative!” is an inescapable pop culture meme that invokes the excitement of a sudden combat encounter and action scene, but in reality, rolling for initiative is not really very exciting.
You know that I have always been a proponent of rules in TTRPGs, and frequently say that combat and mechanics don’t stop the story or the roleplay, they are the story and the roleplay, but rolling for initiative in the traditional D&D5e sense is an exception to this. It stops the scene dead while the GM has to wait for everyone to grab and roll their dice, go around the table one at a time getting each initiative value, organize them into a list, and then the combat can start. Those goblins that jumped out of the bushes have been standing around waiting for the adventurers to get ready for like 5 minutes and the momentum is gone. Some games do this better and smoother than others, and earlier D&D editions do it better than later ones.
A common alternative to this problem is what I’m calling freeform turn order, which is the total opposite. There is no turn order, characters just act whenever their players say they act. This easily carries the momentum of a scene as it flows into combat, but is not without its own slew of problems, such as the fact that it means that the fastest characters are not the ones with the best speed/dexterity/initiative/whatever stats(as in, something in-universe that makes them faster), but rather the characters with the loudest players, and this really doesn’t work for any game that is trying to have combat with any stakes.
A GM can try to manually arbitrate this to bring it closer to fairness for the in-world parties fighting and the our-world players playing, but that means paying attention to and mentally keeping track of who has acted when and how much, which players are keeping quiet, which players are taking the spot light, and deciding arbitrarily how much spotlight they’re allowed to take, etc. This is a ton of work for a GM who is already also trying to roleplay 10 bad guys attacking the PCs and possibly a dozen other factors. This is something that an actual turn order does for a GM rather, taking the burden off them so they can focus on their other duties.
So we have two ways of doing things that offer their own strengths, but also each have major flaws. How do we get rid of those flaws while keeping both the strengths? This is a problem that we set out to solve for Eureka’s combat. We needed a way for there to be an actual mechanical turn order so that the GM doesn’t have to spend brain power making one up on the fly, but have that mechanical turn order be so obvious as to present itself instantly, with no rolling or around-the-whole-table stat checking necessary to determine it.
You could just say that PCs always go first, or that NPCs always go first, which is a solution, but doesn’t really mesh as well with tactical combat or with the kind of believable tone that Eureka is going for.
It took us a long while to perfect, but we came up with what we call Epicenter Initiative. In the actual Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy rulebook (which by the way you can get monthly updates on from a $5 subscription to our patreon or FREE FOR A LIMITED TIME by joining the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club) you will find a more detailed breakdown of the rules and how they change based on specific circumstances (such as how they work when most combatants have melee weapons vs most combatants having ranged weapons), but here’s the most basic gist.
When an attack is made, combat is started, there’s no special procedure for that. Whoever attacked is taking the first turn. The second turn goes to the person they attacked, and this fighting pair becomes the Epicenter of the combat encounter.
The remaining characters act in order based on their proximity to the Epicenter, with the closest characters acting first and farthest characters acting last.
This way there is a mechanical turn order that clearly dictates which characters act before other characters, and this turn order is also created instantly, with no need to roll dice or check character sheets in most circumstances, allowing the combat scene to play out uninterrupted from beginning to end!
If you’d like to steal these rules for your own group or even your own TTRPG, please consider a small donation to our ko-fi or subscription to our patreon, and/or at least crediting where you got them so other people can come check out the work we do. We are an incredibly small team busting our asses to keep ourselves and the world of indie TTRPGs afloat beneath the intense and insidious economic pressure of WotC’s monopoly, and any assistance at all goes a long way.
Elegantly designed and thoroughly playtested, Eureka represents the culmination of three years of near-daily work from our team, as well as a lot of our own money. If you’re just now reading this and learning about Eureka for the first time, you missed the crowdfunding window unfortunately, but our Kickstarter page is still the best place to learn more about what Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy actually is, as that is where we have all the fancy art assets, the animated trailer, links to video reviews by podcasts and youtubers, and where we post regular updates on the status of our progress finishing the game and getting it ready for final release.
Beta Copies through the Patreon
If you want more than just status updates, going forward you can download regularly updated playable beta versions of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy and it’s adventure modules by subscribing to our Patreon at the $5 tier or higher. Subscribing to our patreon also grants you access to our patreon discord server where you can talk to us directly and offer valuable feedback on our progress and projects.
The A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club
If you would like to meet the A.N.I.M. team and even have a chance to play Eureka with us, you can join the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club discord server. It’s also just a great place to talk and discuss TTRPGs, so there is no schedule obligation, but the main purpose of it is to nominate, vote on, then read, discuss, and play different indie TTRPGs. We put playgroups together based on scheduling compatibility, so it’s all extremely flexible. This is a free discord server, separate from our patreon exclusive one. https://discord.gg/7jdP8FBPes
Other Stuff
We also have a ko-fi and merchandise if you just wanna give us more money for any reason.
We hope to see you there, and that you will help our dreams come true and launch our careers as indie TTRPG developers with a bang by getting us to our base goal and blowing those stretch goals out of the water, and fight back against WotC's monopoly on the entire hobby. Wish us luck.
#tabletop roleplaying#ttrpg#rpgs#supernatural rpg#rpg#indie rpg#fantasy rpg#ttrpg design#dungeons and dragons#dungeonsanddragons#ttrpg community#indie ttrpg#tabletop#osr#dnd5e#ttrpg tumblr#roleplaying#thriller#mystery#crime#monsters#eureka#eureka: investigative urban fantasy#Youtube
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since you're playing tes games again how would you rank them
Oh god this is the most subjective question ever. Elder Scrolls is a series over 30 years old. Arena came out 2 years before I was even born. I first played one of the games in 2009 after my uncle gave me his old PC and copies of Oblivion and Morrowind (the latter complete with his own personal selection of mods burned on a CD that I desperately wish I still had). This blog exists at all because I was a 15 year old wanting a place to stash all my TES RP art. And, obviously, the story I’ve told before where I met my spouse through this stuff lol.
I think many fans in the series tend to have a preference for their first game. Mine was Oblivion, chosen purely because I thought the symbol on the box was cool. In terms of warm fuzzy nostalgia, it’s probably always going to win in that department. Though after replaying I don’t think it’s my favorite overall anymore (though Skyblivion might change that when jt comes out!) In reality though it’s going to depend on what you’re looking after in each game and which one speaks to you the most. TES has also always had an active modding community, so your preferences there will matter, too.
Generally, my list goes like this:
1. Morrowind. I know the joke is that people don’t shut up about how Morrowind is the best game but. It is. Even I have to admit it by now. The setting is fascinating, the characters are fascinating (and the best written imo), I LOVE its main quest: how it feels like such an odyssey. There’s so much to it. And I think it has a lot of interesting things to say. Your final conversation with Dagoth Ur might be one of the best convos in game history in my opinion. The fact it’s not even clear if you really are the incarnate or if you only followed the beats JUST enough to effectively achieve the same thing. The game asks if that even really matters. While I’m a sucker for reincarnation stories (and as a Buddhist I love how Morrowind pulls from a lot of eastern spirituality and philosophy) I LOVE every ‘kind’ of Nerevarine there can be. You cement the tone of the game in that final convo with Ur. Also the modding scene is great. I’m playing OpenMW total overhaul right now and it feels SO good. It’s art direction is also my favorite by far. Only challenged by Shivering Isles.
2. Oblivion. I actually wonder if it SHOULD be lower or if my nostalgia is overriding it. However I still really enjoy its MQ, too, and enjoy all of its faction questlines as well. Narratively it really isn’t nearly as strong as Morrowind (or Daggerfall when it Gets Going), but seeing the end of the 3rd era is extremely cool, and Martin pulls a LOT of weight. Aside from Morrowind, I think Martin, Baurus, and Shivering Isles’ version of Sheogorath specifically are some of the best written characters in the series. Though I do have to deduct points bc there’s straight up No Women in the MQ that matter in any way (unless you play one). Even Morrowind and Skyrim have…one or two. If they’re written with respect is another story, but they’re at least THERE. I do think it has the best soundtrack in the series though. And I love Cyrodiil so much. I still stand by my statement that SI is one of the greatest game expansions ever made.
3. Daggerfall. Purely because it has the Warp in the West and puts us directly, intentionally in the shoes of someone doing the emperor’s dirty work. I think Daggerfall has the best reasoning to DO its main quest, where the other games just kind of hope you decide to go along with it without any real external pressure. When I play Daggerfall I feel compelled to do the MQ because of who I’m playing: an agent of the empire. Uriel’s most loyal blade. I admit I don’t seek this one out to play often. I’ve gotten pretty far into it a few times but always fall off. It’s one of my favorite narratives in the series though and if I could wish a true remake of any game into existence it would be Daggerfall. I’d love to see a version of the game with TES’ now more fleshed out art direction, lore, quality of life improvements etc. Walk-Brass is my favorite little lore tidbit of the series and getting to directly interact with something regarding it makes me SO happy (It’s another thing I love about Morrowind, too, with Anumidium’s reveal in red mountain).
4. Skyrim. It’s iconic, has great music and art direction. Conceptually I think the dragons/dragonborn is very interesting. However it’s easily the worst written out of the “main three” because it seems so bored with its own plotlines. Unlike Oblivion I don’t think I like ANY of the faction questlines for this one. It has the MOST insane modding scene, at least, and it’s really cool seeing how creative the community is. Its expansions are alright. I wish we had more time with Miraak because he’s a lot more interesting than Alduin. I think Skyrim has the most wrong with it in ways that are hard to dig in and fix without subjecting it to a total rewrite. My hopes are LOW for the writing quality of the next game (if one ever happens).
5. Arena. Nothing against it but it’s just the game that’s least interesting to me overall. It’s the start of the series and that’s cool! However its story doesn’t compel me and the series didn’t start to develop memorable lore until Daggerfall and Morrowind.
I’m not counting spinoff games in this list because I’ve played basically none of them, including ESO.
#tesblr#no art here#ask#long post#i know kirkbride is a derisive figure in the fandom but its kind of like when#gaider left the dragon age games#and veilguard was SOOOO much worse in lore and writing#Kirkbride had close to no involvement with Skyrim and unfortunately It Shows Very Badly
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Bvz OC (did this instead of sleeping)
Character’s full name: Ahira
Pronouns: It/its/itself but it tends not to care
Reason or meaning of name: The name means evil or unlucky. It heard someone call it that and decided to take that as its name
Character’s nickname: Hira
Reason for nickname: It tells people to call it that in an effort to come off as cute because being cute gets it a better reaction
Birth date: It wasn't really born. It more formed formed slowly over time
Species: Slime
Species background: Slimes aren't born. They are grown from the decomposing parts of animals and plants. As time goes one they slowly collect more and become bigger. They become more sentient by eating the brains of already sentient creatures. Slimes tend to have a white core akin to a heart that moves around in their bodies. Once you hit that, they won't be able to consume and adapt anymore.
Physical appearance
Ahira is a slime, so it doesn't have a consistent appearance due to its habit of changing into what the creatures around it find the least intimidating at the time. But it takes features from the people who have impacted it the most (think the main character of the anime To Your Eternity if you've seen it) So some of this might change based on what I add to backstory
Age: Doesn't have one but it'll say it's 23
How old does he/she appear: Mid twenties but will sometimes make itself younger to be better received by onlookers
Height: As a humanoid, 5'4 and as a slime, 2'1
Shape of face: round
Eye color: Grey, if not borrowing someone else's
Also, it can't really see using its eyes. Ahira (all slimes really) can only see vague shapes, so it has to touch something to know what it actually looks like
Skin tone: It is full on lavender. While it can change its appearance, it can't change the color of its original body outside of a bit of discoloration. Also It is slightly translucent

Body type: Lean with a little bit of 'chub' (it's really just slime that Ahira wasn't about to shape well enough)
Distinguishing marks: Visible white core in its chest
Hair color: slightly darker than it's 'skin'
Type of hair: imitates 3b
Hairstyle: doesn't really style it, but other people can if they can get over the feel
Voice: Suzuya Juuzou from Tokyo Ghoul (MY BABY)
General personality: It's learning emotions as it goes, picking up personalities here and there. The one that sticks the most is chipper and lively as that gets the best reception from onlookers. When it's by itself then it's more lax and monotone (like masking except it doesn't know it's doing it). It doesn't have a specific type of moral code and is very susceptible to suggestion. It's main goal is to learn, adapt and explore so it couldn't care less about what is good or bad. It only cares about what is stimulating or fun
Sense of humor: Doesn't really have one, but it is easily entertained
Character’s greatest joy in life: Learning and adapting
Character’s greatest fear: Being trapped somewhere where it can not learn. That is its whole purpose. If it can do that, then it is nothing
Quotes from Ahira:
"You came out of another creature, but you won't let me consume you? That's unfair"
"Pain? Are you making things up now?"
"What's wrong with eating corpses? They're very good for me"
Sorry if some of this is vague or doesn't make sense. Oh also @zeke-fanfucs thank you for the motivation to finish this, bro. It's been in my drafts for like 50 years
Last thing i swear but this is an inspo for Ahira but I think it looks more androgynous and slightly more human. Also I'm genuinely mad that it's hard to find slime in human form without it being gooner shit. GUYS PLEASE 🥲

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Wtf is Lancer and why is it shit (serious question)
lancer is a tabletop roleplaying game made by the guy who drew kill six billion demons and another guy. i wouldn't call it 'shit', necessarily--it's good in a lot of the ways that matter. it's first and foremost a tactical mech combat game and on that level it's incredible. its ruleset is finely tuned, provides great amounts of GM support to make running what might otherwise be overwhelmingly crunchy combat easier, and has a truly stunning and cool level of character customization available. so as a game, i think it's great fun to play and run, genuinely innovative, and a huge step forward for battlemap tactical wargame type TTRPGs in general.
the lore though, kind of sucks. i think it has two clear and overlapping core problems. problem #1 is that it is a utopia as envisioned by a social democrat. it's a world which the text describes as 'post-capitalist' (but there are still evil megacorporations with private armies who own slaves) and 'post-scarcity' (but only in the developed 'core' systems, so. y'know. there's scarcity). at many points in the text they say that Union (the game's main faction) is utopian, throwing around that exact word a bunch of times as well as 'mutual aid' and 'direct action' and the like. but what they describe is just kind of an imperialist Space Sweden with several distinct forms of slavery that constantly expands and uses its Benevolent Imperial Power to intervene on the Backwards Violent Worlds on its outer border but its good because its just trying to bring them UBI.
to show what i mean, here's one of the game's writers¹ talking about how it would be morally wrong for Union to, say, appropriate the property of a private military corporation that also operates as a fascist nation-state:

it's 'revolution' as imagined by the limpest of social democrats. and of course this would honestly be fine, whatever, most sci-fi settings are fundamentally achingly liberal, but the game goes so out of its way to signpost how Radical it is and how Hopeful and Liberationist you're meant to see the setting as
the other core problem is closely related--it feels like the lancer guys put every cool sci-fi idea they had into lancer even when it completely clashes with the core ideas behind it. like, AIs in this settings are callled 'NHPs' (non-human persons) and they're eldritch god-like beings from another dimension who have be kept 'shackled' (lancer's words, not mine!) to keep them as pliant and obedient AI assistants instead of hostile eldritch abominations. this is obviously horrifying and dystopian but it rules, it would be sick fucking worldbuilding for something with the tone of 40k or a one-off doctor who or star trek episode--but as a fundamental technology foundational to what we are supposed to believe is a post-revolutionary society founded on mutual aid and solidarity and blah blah blah it's glaringly dissonant.
bear in mind this is all just going off the rulebook. lancer fans have told me that the supplements and campaign modules fix some of this or contextualise it. but on the other hand communists have told me that they make it worse and i trust the communists more. i leave you with this incredible passage from the game's foreword:

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