#and the amount of people who claim that shit was made up because the fraction (!)

[flower-boi16]

https://www.tumblr.com/flower-boi16/774678304341016576/i-thought-you-already-learnt-in-literacy-class

yeah, the issue isn't wanting the show to have a moral spelled out at the end or even that stol1tz is problematic.

the issue is that the show outright romanticizes its problematic ship - it isn't trying to be some character study of two messed up people without wanting the audience to come to any conclusions. It's blatantly obvious that the show is designed to make the audience think two things:

one: Stolas is only a tiny bit not really flawed and is basically the innocent wronged party in the relationship breakdown and 99% of the problems were caused by Blitzo and his insecurities and selfishness

and two: they actually want us to root for Stol1tz to work out.

and anyone who points out that they have no chemistry or that how Stolas started and continued the whole affair is textbook sexual extortion (something which the show has completely swept under the rug and refused to address) somehow gets accused of being a puritan or having low media literacy? even though critics are ones actually paying attention to the details that suggest stol1tz is a car crash waiting to happen and Stolas has been nothing but babied through the entirety of s2?? make it make sense

absolutely nothing about their duet in mastermind reads ironic, it's all terribly trite and sincere in expecting the audience to think their romance is tragic and moving. there's no reason to think the show is all that interested in exploring the dynamics of a messy relationship because the show outright refuses to meaningfully discuss the worst and messiest part of it except in passing i.e. the transactional deal. ffs, they spent all of apology tour calling Blitzo and Stolas "exes" when they never even dated. the show is outright rewriting its own history solely to avoid talking about the messy stuff because it would make Stolas look bad

also it's incredibly rich that people keep pulling out the "you just want a morality tale where you're told what to think, and that's bad writing!" card when this is literally what apology tour was. the show was outright screaming at the viewer to think that Stolas is the victim, that Blitzo is way worse than s1 had built him up to be and that Blitzo needed to apologize. the whole thing is structured around the moral of Blitzo needing to apologize and Verosika outright saying the point of the episode: "if you wanna change, say good for him (when he runs off to make out with someone else first chance he gets after claiming he loved you)"

I mean Blitzo basically says to the camera "the only reason I rejected Stolas was because the class difference made me insecure and I push away everyone who could care about me". it's incredibly blunt, garbage obvious storytelling

the writing isn't subtle at any other time (cough cough, Stella, cough) but suddenly when it comes fans asking why the writers aren't calling Stolas out for basically any of his shit suddenly the show is treated like some nuanced high art character drama where no one is allowed to openly discuss the sexual extortion shaped elephant in the room.

and it's blatantly not that. the closest helluva ever got to well done storytelling was in s1 and Viv flushed all that down the toilet the minute s2e1 happened

I still find it amazing how my post critisizing the fandom for not knowing what the actual critiques of the show are still holds up today. These are the kinds of fans that pretend that the highest amount of hard-hitting critique for Helluva and Hazbin comes from randos on tumblr when the critisicm these shows get extends far more than just tumblr. If anything, tumblr is less than a FRACTION of the people voicing their issues with the show.

And, if you actually payed attention to discourse surrounding the series on other platforms, mainly youtube....you would find people have far more nuanced critiques than "PROBLAMATIC = BAD!!!".

HELL, Sarcastic Chorus, one of the most popular Youtuers discussing the series, initially liked Stolitz BECAUSE of the problamatic elements, but he stopped carring for it because the show WASN'T ACTUALLY ADDRESSING THEM!!!!

But these fans focus more on trying to strawman critics rather than actually trying to meaningfully engauge with disscussion on the issues with the shows.

Because they can't handle people critisizing their favourite demon show.

[rengokugutspill]

hot & exciting news;

I got really silly & fucked around & found out by listing another perfume to Depop, to which they responded by completely removing my whole ass account. I appealed the case because my whole thing is like, well this was never a problem before ? Like, yeah, I knew it was a threat they made, but after years of being threatened, I kinda thought that's all it was. I appealed to which I was denied, but the denial actually created further issues;

so they sent me a timeline from twenty twenty three of alleged violations but one of them wasn't even a violation. I was hoping I could skirt three other ones but the ultimate issue really amount to basically they're trying to rebrand as user first with new protocols for their representatives to follow to make the app more user friendly... yet representatives were unable to tell me what I did wrong ? Not a single one was able to actually say what I did but just kept saying "you know what you did." & my whole thing is sure, I violated one rule & it's a stupid rule. There is no reason why I shouldn't be allowed to resell a perfume that's been sprayed at most ten times. It's retarded because what if you buy a perfume & you don't like it but maybe someone else does & they want it & you're selling the gently used one for a fraction of the price because it's gently used ? Wouldn't you rather get a perfume sprayed less than ten times for a fraction of the original price ? Especially if it's discontinued or something ?? But also, I'm under the impression you can't throw perfume away either because it's a biohazard ? So really, what should I be doing with a perfume I don't want ?

Their whole thing is apparently due to people selling fake perfume ? Which idk, I half get it. My whole thing is like idk how you decant a high end perfume, because I've tried before via a broken bottle & it's a miserable experience. & if it's not decanting then it's literally just people claiming to have billions dollar perfume that they're selling for twenty, people buy it & then call scam... Which I'm saying what do you expect thinking you're getting a deal like that anyway ? Which was my whole issue with the money item authentication process on Vinted.

But even the fake perfumes scam doesn't make sense either because they claim it's okay to sell an unopened perfume ? So you're perfectly okay to sell fakes as long as you got them looking factory sealed ? Or putting a fake into a real box ?

My whole thing is if "safety" was the actual concern, you know, when shipping a fucking biohazard, then all perfumes should be banned, like you see on Vinted & Poshmark. At this point their protocols are picking & choosing which is making for more issues.

They had the audacity to say to me they banned me to keep their marketplace safe when I've been a seller for nearly nine years with nearly four hundred sales & of that only two customers who allegedly weren't happy, which were of course for scam reasons. Idk how you're going to come for me when I've never once done anything dangerous or harmful & yet I never see them do shit to actual scammers ?

& don't get me wrong, I completely understand that I violated a guideline, but it's an extremely stupid guideline. They also weren't able to prove to my face any of my other infractions either. I was able to give evidence for my defense, yet they couldn't show me any example of what I'd actually violated. Which I'd pointed out a plethora of occurrences where I was truly accused of a violation I'd never commit. To say their system is faulty & just because they have in their system I did a violation doesn't actually mean I truly violated anything. But then it got to a point where it just seemed the representatives were ignoring me before straight up telling me to never contact them again... But still couldn't show me or even tell me what I actually did wrong. No proof at all on their end.

& my whole thing is the threat to take away my account is great enough that I would have just learned my lesson had they given it back. At this point I don't think it actually matters whether or not I had other infractions, I don't think the actual account can be salvaged so they don't even want to admit their mistake because that would be saying "yes, we deleted your account for no reason by accident & now there's nothing we can do about it." Years of work as a seller all gone by mistake.

They also IP blocked me but specifically the device IP one. So I can't use Depop at all on my phone. But since I have so many electronic devices, it looks like I can still have an account. It's just bullshit because I don't know whether or not it's going to even work until I make a sale, because the way it is now, I can't even apply my bank information in order to get paid ? So I can't tell if it's a full IP block or not.

I'm also trying to figure out what the best cross listing procedure is... Because I have like six hundred items listed & imo listing from Depop first was the easiest because they have the most dropdown menus you have to apply from, so listing from Depop to Mercari is super fast, like about a single minute per listing, but listing from Mercari to Depop is more like four minutes per listing. Also, when listing via tablet, it auto crops photos which is annoying.

I'm especially annoyed because I had obviously been looking forward to holiday purchases, not exactly before Christmas, but for like the whole of January, imagining youths would have Christmas money to blow on nonsense. So I am especially irate to have missed that. Especially thinking there were items I really felt were going to move quickly. I was imagining four sales at least per week again...

Though curiously, the forecast seems to be: obscure & unique skinny jean season ? I've sold about five pairs so far, which is surprising because I feel like usually jeans as a whole don't sell very good ?

It seems like I can just keep listing, which I had just made it through the bags of clothes my friend had given me. Basically I got fucked over on thirty listings that I had to speed run again from scratch which absolutely nuked my brain on the day I did that. I had cut from the two large grocery bags down to just a laundry basket left to list.

Then a couple days ago I finally went through my shirt drawers like I had been trying to do for months & downsized by about fourteen shirts. I've been wanting to do leggings next since I'd just acquired a bunch of leggings, but I got my period just now, so I am imagining that will have to wait sadly. Which is especially a shame since I was otherwise feeling very amped up about it. I do know there are a number of leggings that I need to part with, whether it be reusing the material for something else or selling, I know there are a number that do not fit me & are not going to.

Of course I am thinking Depop will be added to my cross list endeavors, but I think my procedure here is pushing items I think have a higher likelihood of selling on there via the climate they use & userbase they're powered by.

I have trouble with Mercari. Their algorithm appears to be unfathomable ! A lot of people have posited Mercari will randomly show you some really awesome items that are exactly what you want, but their search function doesn't seem to work to save it's life. Which the search function seems to be doing even worse lately. Since I use it for buying Rengokus, I'm obviously searching by newly listed, but I'm getting bogged down & confused by pushed listings constantly showing up, sometimes to the point where I don't feel like I am seeing any new items at all. Then merchandise will randomly run out of pages when I know for a fact all Rengoku items listed on Mercari have not just all of a sudden all sold at the same time ?

For example about what I mean; say you're looking for a really specific Bratz doll & when you look up that doll by it's name & subtext, nothing comes up, but randomly Mercari will suggest you a listing for that exact doll, but it's not a new listing that just got listed, it will be like something that's been listed for like two years ? So it's like, idk why it doesn't actually pull relevant items when you're searching ? I also feel like the userbases for all the platforms are entirely different. I do feel very much in line for the userbase for Depop, which makes it even more irritating to've been ousted. I surely feel like the sentiment of biting the hand that feeds you, but I was the hand feeding Depop reliable sales. Especially because two years ago they claimed I was ranked in the top ten percent of successful Victoria's Secret sellers. Like, say goodbye to your favorite egirl, mcbling, bimbocore, & gyaru styles seller.

All the other ones I just deadass feel like these are just suburban moms selling the basics. Though Ebay is fifty fifty, I feel like I don't even want to buy from them except for specialty items because their fees are retarded.

Which also, part of what prompted me to make this post now of all times is yesterday I had to go through & correct all my prices for the new price change, which was obnoxious & took me hours. I was just thinking about how they are claiming the users hated the price change & how I can't figure out how that could remotely be true ? & it dawned on me; my best guess is because we are going into recession due to the high cost of living & abysmal pay for laymen, I imagine it must have just so happened at the time they cut costs to save sellers, people just can't really buy anything anymore so it might have looked like it alienated buyers, which it really shouldn't've. That, or their abysmal algorithm is just pulling so bad that users can't even find the products they're searching for. My whole thing is the issue cannot be revoking seller fees. It's gotta be something else that they're just scapegoating this for which irritates the absolute fuck out of me.

Aside from this, I'm in my Goodmorning America arc, & because of that I was able to understand I got noro virus from eating at a restaurant. For some reason my roommate was vehemently convinced I was extremely intoxicated ? Like sure, I'm the one who can't be trusted around alcohol. I didn't drink any alcoholic beverage at the restaurant.

It was so fucked up because I had a great dinner, everything was amazing & tasted so good, but while sitting at the table I started to feel too full immediately & basically immediately got woozy. I was thinking I must have just been tired & the tired must have just hit me all at once, so I was embarrassed & explained I didn't know why I got so tired all of a sudden. I noticed before going home I just felt so bloated, which I attributed to eating too much, but in hindsight, I don't actually think I ate all that much in the restaurant before I'd felt that way.

Coming in the door I was thinking enough time had passed, I can finish my fish. I had a weird feeling in my stomach but was like no, I want to eat my fish. I ate the fish & it was of course delicious. But the feeling in my stomach persisted. I was telling my roommate it felt like I knew I was going to shit but it just wasn't there yet so it was an uncomfortable, heavy waiting feeling. I was again watching the Goodmorning America as I laid on the couch & began to pass out before I had to really be like nah, I'm going to bed.

I get in bed but just can't sleep. I start getting that sensation where you can't get comfortable because you know you have to take a piss but you don't want to get out of bed & get dressed to go all the way downstairs to take the piss so you're just kinda stuck laying there. Eventually getting up because I had to. By the time I come back & lay down, it was like all the movement shook something loose within me. I was laying there & got the sensation like I was going to be sick. I felt like yeah, I was going to shit, but there was a good likelihood I was going to puke so I immediately needed to go right the fuck back downstairs.

& I shit & it's fine but this feeling in my stomach is persisting. Which like, it wasn't diarrhea or anything. I had a food poisoning from Burger King once since living here that was my only known instance of legitimate food poisoning where it was nearly blasting out of both ends. So it was hard to discern because i didn't have diarrhea ? My best guess was something about the fish was wrong. Which my roommate didn't believe me saying if the fish was cooked then I couldn't possibly get food poisoning from fish. But oh my god, just thinking about the fish in that moment made me want to vomit & made me sweat with severe discomfort.

I had this strange attribute; it was like an acid reflux mixed with post nasal drip. Like, bile build up in the back of my esophagus. This very heavy & sticky burn. The feeling irritated me & I was thinking if I were sick then I would need to intake some water, so I go to get some water & basically from the moment I'd ingested water was like oh, I'm throwing up. Putting the cup down to walk to the bathroom, lean forward & then proceed to vomit so violently tears were blasting from my eyes. I vomited up all the fish, which in that moment was so awful because the thought of sick fish was just the worst flavor & sensation. I was worried I was about to be traumatized by fish. & I was so distraught because all the food was so good. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I'd even thought cross contamination because I'd noticed the plates & silverware didn't appear to be very clean.

I was puking until there was nothing to come up anymore & then my body was continuing to go through the motions. Eventually subsiding, it really felt like once it was done, it was done, but I remained on the couch for a while longer to be sure. I finished my water but when I went back for more, I noticed for a brief moment the water had caused more of that bile to pool in the back of my throat, which i'd thought was a suggestion to vomit again, but I'd checked & appeared to be fine. No more vomit & no more shitting. I was surprised because by comparison to the Burger King incident, this was nothing. It was surprising. I really thought it was just something wrong with the fish, but after hearing about the virus passing around, I am thinking it was just a less severe case of noro, because they were saying it's roughly forty eight hours. I would imagine I must have actually been contaminated before going to the restaurant & the actual stomach bug didn't really hit me until I was getting ready for bed. The whole thing sucked. Growing up I honest to god never really had the stomach bug ever. I would say this was my first time puking from a stomach bug. The Burger King one could have been, but also fit in line with literally every single bulletpoint of food poisoning.

Also my mom finally asked me why I blocked her, to which I explained. To be more clear, I was having a period of insomnia, brought on by my coming period. I was getting extremely agitated that I couldn't sleep & the stress with the whole bullshit with Depop was making me all the more emotional & agitated. I had just fallen asleep after literally writhing in bed for hours & she immediately called me, to which I ignored the call because I was fucking sleeping. So then she had my step dad call me. I answered & he asked if I was sleeping, which I said yeah & then he was like "your mom wants to talk to you." Puts her on the phone & she's like "Did you block me ?" & I'm like "Yeah ?" & she's like "Why ?" & I'm like "because you were rude to me." Then she proceeds to ask what & I'm like I'm fucking trying to sleep ?? I'd waited until later & finally explained my position to which the grand response I got back was "You've been sitting on this message for a whole month ?" Which I feel like, oh, so I just explained to you I am sick of you being rude to me because it's completely uncalled for & unnecessary & you're big, cool response is to deflect into trying to act like I've really been tore up from this for a whole month ? Like, I blocked you, that was it. I don't mind giving you an explanation about why I blocked you, but clearly you weren't able to handle the reason if your only response is weirdly passive aggressive ? Like, oh ? Was one block not enough ?

Like idk, I'm not going to say my mental illness isn't getting worse, I have of course been saying the opposite. But if blocking someone was a product of psychosis, I would relent later on. If I am being pushed to the point of blocking someone because their existence is causing me such vexation, it was a long build to get to that point to feel like my life is better off without this person.

At the same time, I can't say stress doesn't make smaller indignities feel more critical & wounding. Harder to rebound from. Sure, I will concede I suppose I am being flighty to make drastic decisions, but at the same time I at least trust myself. You know, I be praying for safety & guidance. So to some degree I have to trust auto responses. Cutting everything off from me.

& I think everyone has the response of "you can't cut me off because look at all the things I do for you, look at all the great gifts I give you." Yeah, well. Gifts are meaningless if they are coming from someone who doesn't even cherish me as a person. What gratitude should I have for someone who only offers me empty gestures out of annoyance & obligation ? To be made to feel I literally can't ask for help because my existence is so annoying & burdensome. Like, do you love me truly or only when my existence is convenient for you ?

I got to the point where I stopped wanting things really. Now I am just collecting my Rengokus & doll clothes & those are the only things I get silly about. In that regard, I feel happy. I'm excited to sell clothes to buy Rengokus & doll clothes. Though at least for now I think there is a game I might want to get this week that looks really good. A game I will of course sit on for like a year or more before ever attempting to play it lol

Also, I guess I had asked for something very specific. I wonder how much you have to ask before it materializes ? Though I had said before true perfection can't really exist because everything needs a balance. Meaning; to accept attributes that are less than ideal if the whole of the parts is nearly exact to specifications.

What if I learned better communications & had a viable life ? I feel silly as always.

I ate such a dank breakfast yesterday that I almost died lol I would be very happy if I was able to eat more & work out more this year.

[captainhuggys]

I’m just gonna come on here and take a tiny fraction of my day to talk a small amount about ✨game etiquette✨

This is all from personal experience, and in no way shape or form is it to be mean or rude or hateful to anyone!

I do not condone violence, or hate speech, or anything of the sort, this is purely my experience with the games I’ve been to and how I personally have been treated.

But I went to the Tampa Bay Lightning Vs New York Rangers game last night and I was genuinely fucking gobsmacked by how some Rangers fans were acting in the stands.

Dont get me wrong, I do not like the rangers AT ALL!!! I like two (2) players on that team, and have an appreciation for a third. (Quick & Rempe, and appreciate Panarin) But I will NEVER sit here and shit talk any of the players. I will NEVER sit here and loudly yell obscenities about a player. I will NEVER sit here and say a player deserved to be injured.

Sitting in those stands and having a small crowd of NYR fans beside me saying vile things, especially about the game way back in February… (for any non-TBL fans, we’re talking about February 7th.) Lafreniére made a CLEAN hit against a Tampa player last night and I heard these two boys beside me saying things like “shoulda taken his leg out” “shoulda brought in the stretcher” “maybe he’ll be out for the rest of the season now” “hope his ACL tore” and giggling…

In the stands getting real shitty and yelling AT ME “just go home you fucking puck bunny” because I said “ah that was a beautiful pass” TO MYSELF! I WAS NOT TALKING TO ANYYYYONEEEEE!!! Don’t be fucking sexist???? Why am I, a very fem presenting, hockey fan, immediately cut down to name calling? I wasn’t even saying like “oh he’s hot” or “oh I’m gonna marry him” it was straight up me saying the PLAY was beautiful. To then tell me “they don’t care about you following them, shut up” when I was chitchatting between periods with a VERY nice girl in front of me about all the games I’ve been to. THERE WAS EVEN A WHISPER OF “if she doesn’t stop cheering I’m gonna push her over the railing” BROTHER ARE YOU CONDONING STRAIGHT UP MURDER?!

And yes there is a thing at Amalie (don’t know if it’s other Arena’s too) where at the end of the period when the announcer is announcing the score, when it gets to the opposing teams score fans will shout “SUCK” (like it was “and the New York Rangers-“ “SUCK!” “one”) (I’ll insert a clip of me and my friend at the end of this little ramble)

And yes this can be seen as rude or disrespectful and I get that. But it’s just a silly little thing. Don’t get butthurt about it.

And there was a point in time in the period when a goal was scored for Tampa that went under review for interference. It was called a good goal, and that was that. But those two boys beside me were bitching and moaning about “THAT WAS FUCKING INTERFERENCE!” “THAT WAS A SHIT GOAL” when no contact to the goalie was actually ever made. There was no pushing on Shesterkin, there was no Stick on his body at all, there was no interference.

I get not liking all the calls the refs are making. I understand not liking how your team is playing, but do not be VILE in the stands because you’re fucking losing.

Cernak made a clean hit against a NYR player, and those two boys were saying it was a dirty hit. Brothers… have you met your fucking team? Have you met who plays for the rangers??? You of all people should know a dirty hit when you see one. Do we all collectively forget about Trouba in the playoffs last year? Where that elbow was everywhere except beside his body? Do we forget the literal 8 game suspension Rempe is on?

Yeah Tampa has made some bad hits, I will never claim that we are the cleanest team, I know we have some bad hits, but do not sit here and say a shoulder to shoulder hit was dirty. Kucherov literally got ejected from the game against the panthers on Monday because of a bad hit. Like, we have had our fair share of illegal hits.

Now I won’t say that everyone has to be best friends in the stands, you don’t have to hold hands and sing songs and prance around. But don’t sit in the stands shouting “break his jaw!” at a fight that happened or “oh Vasilevskiy is a joke!” “He’s such a shit goalie” “he should’ve stayed injured” “better retire soon!”

Last I checked, he blocked 42 of the 44 shots yall made. Last I checked he is the fastest goalie to 300 wins. He’s not the best goalie in the league this season, he’s not the best to have ever played, he has had some SHIT games. I can admit these things, I can be the bigger person here and admit that. But if OTHER TEAMS see it too, Nico Hischier has ranked him as the best current goalie. Petr Mrázek has ranked him as the best current goalie. Also y’all chanting “Igor’s better” to then have him get scored on literally 23 seconds after that chant started… I bet yall feel silly as fuck. And to then have him pulled after a period & 9 minutes…

I get being silly with some chirps, and sometimes yeah it is all in good fun, I’ve said some stuff at games being funny. But never have I ever said something genuinely HURTFUL about an opposing team.

At the Sharks V Bolts game, I made a joke that my tickets were so cheap because we were guaranteed a win. I was heehee hawhawing in the stands about it. BUT THE SHARKS ACTUALLY PLAYED GOOD! THEY PUT UP A GOOD FIGHT! I’m not a sharks fan, but I can appreciate how they play, I can appreciate their game. I like MOST of their players.

At the Columbus V Bolts game, I was heehee hawhawing about Sillinger getting a ten minute major for JUMPING OUR ROOKIE. Like I heehee hawhawed “that’s why Tate McCrae is with the Kid Laroi now” like nothing genuinely hurtful.

AND THEN LEAVING THE GAME LAST NIGHT AND SHOUTING IN MY FACE “where’s the sportsmanship!?”… first of all do not speak to me, let alone get in my face to shout at me. second of all why the fuck you asking me that? third of all did you think we were gonna give them pity shots because they have been on a downfall?!

Moral of the story is if you go to a game, don’t be an asshole to be an asshole. Say silly chirps, have a silly time, live your best life, but DO NOT be an asshole.

As promised here is the clip of the little “SUCK” yell that happens (I am the one with red and blonde hair, AND SINCE I SAW SOME OF YALL ANON’S GETTING REAL NASTY ON BESTIE BABE ALLI’S PAGE… IF YOU TALK SHIT AB HOW EITHER OF US LOOK IM COMING FOR BLOOD!)

[theschneeflocke96]

In case it wasn't clear from the post alone but dude has even more misogynistic opinions on his weirdly portugese twitter.

I feel as as german I should be allowed to tear the flags from the blogs of those people and eat them like a fried egg cuz they aren't gonna use em right anyways so I may as well.

If it even needs to be said, knowing NS time and it's 3 or 4 major actors and what horrible things happened and being really into any other part of history that isn't part of the last 200 or so years are things that can very happily coexist. In fact they should cuz nuance an shit but also because only NS time all the time is just fucking depressing.

Why don't girls like history? No no, I mean like, watching YouTube videos about the Wehrmacht, not actually studying history, that's stupid and is for girls.

[volleychumps]

hii can i request something with tsukki and maybe ushijima where they have a really big soft spot for their s/o and they’re so sweet to her that she genuinely doesnt know how mean/intimidating they are to other people? but then they’re see how they are with others and then *schocked pikachu face*

shocked pikachu face indeed~, enjoy love! 

Softie. (hc w/ Tsukishima and Ushijima) 

--------------------------------

Tsukishima 

- Blonde (sometimes) bitchy boy made it an odd point to kind of make excuses for why you couldn’t come visit the volleyball club after school 

- Would give you a small, half-grin when you would visibly pout as you claim that it’s not fair- you wanted to see what your boyfriend invested so much time in- as he gives you forehead kisses to lighten your pout 

- “You’re cuter when you’re not mad at me.” “I’m not mad!!!” “Sure.” 

- Isn’t super big on PDA so it’s no surprise to anyone that a lot of people don’t know just how far this blonde broomstick would go for you 

- Like literally when you’re in private he can’t keep his hands off you, whether it be playing with the ends of your hair as he listens to music or lifting your knuckles to his lips when he wants attention 

- So imagine you’re surprise when you rush to the volleyball club after school with his favored pair of forgotten headphones in hand only to walk in on the worst kind of conversation 

- “Awh~ Is the King getting fussy because he’s falling back to his old ways?” 

- what the actual fuck who is this 

- continues, still not seeing you as some of his teammates fall on your figure standing at the doorway behind him- Yamaguchi putting a finger to his lips to his best friend with widened eyes 

- Like you’re so shocked you’ve never heard his voice dripping with so much intent to dig underneath someone’s skin 

- “Did you not learn anything from being alone all the time?” “Tsukki-” 

- “And you, Hinata- just because you can spike and have an ungodly amount of energy doesn’t mean-” 

- glares at Suga as his senior physically turns him around so he’s facing your direction, eyes framed by spectacles widening a fraction as you recover from your shock as quickly as you can 

- narrows his eyes as you smile a bit nervously at him before Tsukishima sighs as if he was facing a heavy inconvenience that tugged at your heart- and not in a good way 

- “U-Um, I’ll just uh, leave these here.” “Y/N-”

- but you don’t stay to listen before you’re spinning on your heel to leave the gym, groaning when the blonde easily catches up to you in four strides as you still, his hand on your wrist 

- “Y/N.” “I shouldn’t have come- I was just-” 

- hugs you gently, pulling your waist back so your back is flushed against his front, making you bite your lip as Tsukishima’s lips fall next to your ear 

- “Do you hate me now?” 

- is shocked when you do a whole-ass 360 with a wtf are you talking about expression on your face

- “Listen Kei-” Oh shit you in trouble now, boy "The next thing you say something so dumb, I’ll harm you!” 

- is smirking now as you stomp your feet, pouting up at him as you sigh, picking up his hand to drag your thumb across the ridges

- “I could never hate you- just...I wasn’t expecting to hear you talk like that with your boys. But it’s no biggie.” “Wait, really? And they’re not my boys-” 

- “Yes, dummy. But remember, pull what you did back there with me and I will not hesitate to withold kisses for a month.” 

- “What are you, the devil?” As he smirks, leaning down to place a not witheld kiss on your pout

Ushijima 

- Don’t even get me started on how much this boy actively shows his love for you, albeit not as affectionate as some would think 

- 100% the type of boyfriend to remember all the little things about you, and when he exhibits his knowledge of stuff, it’s really just to see you smile 

- “Coffee. I ran by the shop this morning.” “Love, you didn’t have to-” “You have an exam today, right?” 

- So when he sees your small grin into your coffee cup he thinks waking up the extra hour to go is so worth it 

- Sends you messages to make sure you make it to your destination safe and gives you updates on his whereabouts to ensure you won’t worry about him

- Doesn’t show you off to the whole school- but it’s pretty clear that he makes it known: rubbing the small of your back as he guides you through school, and ruffles your hair a tad affectionately before seeing you off to class

- Shrugs when you say that you want to come observe a volleyball practice, but makes you sit a safe distance away to ensure that you won’t get hit 

- At first, you’re surprised at how distanced Ushijima seemed from the rest of the team, the others simply nodding to him (minus Tendou that little shit lmao) in praise when he lands a perfect spike

- But you weren’t expecting for the whole team to still into silence when a ball goes flying in your direction, but still missing you by a long shot as Ushijima’s brows furrow together

- An expression you had never seen before sending a chill down your back

- Your jaw slackens as Goshiki bows deeply to his senior as if he was his servant, exhibiting the difference in how the team seemed to establish the line between themselves and their star spiker 

- “U-Um, I’m okay!” you call out, offering Ushijima the smile he loved so much as you see him visibly relax as Goshiki flinches when he turns back to him

- “...be more careful.” “Yes, senpai!” 

- Was he always this...respected to the point where people were actually scared of him?

- Walks up to you after practice, sipping deeply from his water bottle before occupying the seat next to you in the empty bleachers and now empty gym 

- “Are you...surprised?” As he looks down at his feet, hunched over so his elbows rest on his thighs, and you quirk a brow in response as he seems to scoff a little 

- “That others find me intimidating? Are you going to start after what you saw?” “What? No.” 

- Blinks, eyes widening at your immediate reaction and at how genuinely upset you seemed that he would think that 

- “Are you crazy? Never.” as you shake your head vigorously, causing a rare smile to tickle the corners of your boyfriend’s mouth

- “I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting it, but if that’s a side of you- I don’t care what other people think.” 

- is rendered 50% more speechless than usual as you sigh, resting your head on his shoulder as if you were tired

- “Don’t say things like that.” 

- Glances at you as an arm drapes around your shoulder, tugging you a bit closer as Ushijima leans his head onto yours, closing his eyes 

- “Mm.” 

-------------------

General works: @kasandrafaye @savemesteeb @dreebbles @takemetovalhalla @yams046

[whumpingcrow]

Pt. 1 "First Impressions" (Elias Intro)

CW: foster care mention, tourettes syndrome, ticcing, drug mention, food mention, conversation about abuse, hospital setting, injury mention, discussion of poisoned food, vomit mention (let me know if i missed anything!)

Elias was nothing special, really, not in his eyes. He was taken from his deadbeat parents when he was 11, he was tossed around from foster homes to group homes and back again for an exhausting seven years, he didn’t finish high school. The most interesting thing about him was his tourettes, but even that was embarrassing and shameful, another reason to be ignored. Truth was, he was swept under the rug and forgotten for his whole life, so no one, including himself, thought he would ever amount to much, or thought he was worthy of nice things. People like him didn’t just get nice things, unless they were very lucky, and Elias had found out time after disappointing time that he was not one of the fortunate ones.

But Tyson sure as hell made him feel like he could be.

It was amusing to Elias how they met, even though Tyson claimed he wished it would’ve been more pleasant. Tyson had yet to learn that Elias repelled pleasantries. Elias had been staying with a few people he knew from high school, before he dropped out, in their cramped apartment, working part time at a diner so he could try and move out and be on his own. He was so tired of sharing small spaces with people. He would walk home from work everyday, because of course he couldn’t afford a car or even a bike. On that particular night, it was dark and raining, and Elias was in a particular rush to get to the apartment and change out of his wet clothes. Which is why he tried to rush across the street where there wasn’t a crosswalk, unaware of the fast car turning the corner until he heard the screech of tires next to him.

The man that got out of the car looked just as scared as Elias felt, rushing towards him in a flurry of apologies. “I am so sorry! Are you ok? Are you hurt?” His voice was shaking, and it made Elias uneasy, he didn’t look like he would scare easily, with his strong build and his mature face.

Elias scowled at him, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t drive so fast on this road, dickbag,” he scolded, “you could’ve fucking killed me!”

The man looked surprised, like he wasn’t expecting someone of Elias’s stature to have such a foul mouth. “I...I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you crossing and I...Where are you headed? Let me give you a ride.”

“What?” He squeaked in response. Logically, he knew it was his fault anyway, he wasn’t supposed to cross there, it was dark and rainy and not this stranger's fault, he was just quick to anger and too afraid to admit when he was in the wrong. “GIve me a ride?”

“Please, it’s the very least I can do. I feel awful.”

Elias knew that he shouldn’t get into a stranger's car, that it might be dangerous, that this man's kindness could be some sort of sinister facade. But he seemed so genuine, so concerned. So he slowly nodded, ducking into the passengers side door carefully. It was better than walking home in the rain. “My name’s Elias.” He heard himself saying.

“Elias,” the man repeated, “I’m Tyson.”

That was over a month ago, and the two were much more than strangers who almost had a horrible accident, by now. As Tyson was driving him home, they were talking about surface level things to fill the awkward spaces, and Tyson mentioned his ex-boyfriend, at which Elias mentioned his ex-boyfriend, and when they got to his apartment, Tyson asked for his number. They’d gotten much closer since then, Elias even stayed over at Tyson’s apartment a few days a week.

Tyson was so down to earth, so kind and forgiving and patient. He smoked weed, but he never pressured Elias into it, like other people had in the past. He was a nurse at a behavioral health hospital, he only worked nights, so they typically spent all day together. Elias was so enthralled by him and everything he did, often he would sit with Tyson as he drew sloppy, drug hazed sketches, or talk with him about the way the world worked, or things of that nature. The best part about being with Tyson was that he never felt forgotten or ignored, and he rather enjoyed the new attention. He enjoyed feeling cared about, important.

Sometimes Elias would stay at Tyson’s apartment when Tyson went to work, sleeping in his bed and waiting for him to come home in the morning. Tyson came home and crawled under the covers to catch up on sleep he’d missed at work, and after a while of holding each other while they slept, Elias got up to cook breakfast. He wasn’t a great cook, per say, but he could fry an egg alright, and maybe whip up some french toast on a good day. Today was apparently not one of the better ones, and the burnt food ended up in the trash, leaving him with scrambled eggs in the bottom of the pan. It wasn’t spectacular, but it would have to do.

“Good morning,” he called to Tyson as he came into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He always looked so nice upon waking up, his hair messy and how the late morning sun hit his beautiful dark skin as he stretched. “I made eggs. Not sure how safe they are to eat, though.”

Tyson offered a weak smile, but didn’t seem too amused at the joke. Elias wondered if he’d done something wrong, Tyson was usually so light-hearted.

“I need to talk to you about something, Eli.” He grumbled. Elias quite liked that nickname, but not when the rest of the sentence sounded so heavy. “Can we sit for a second?”

Once they were at the table, Elias took a deep breath, ready to put his defenses up, ready to be angry instead of hurt. He found himself thinking over the last few days, had he said something wrong? Was he annoying him? Overstaying his welcome at his apartment? “You’re tired of me, aren’t you?” He asked.

“No! Oh God, Eli, no!” He reached forward to take his hand as he spoke, smiling at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out. You’re fine, we’re fine. This is about...well, it’s about my ex.”

Elias relaxed a fraction at the reassurance, so he was fine, Tyson wasn’t sick of him. Then he nodded for him to go on, listening carefully. Tyson didn’t talk about him much, but Elias knew that his name was Allen, that he had a lot of issues that were never really discussed in detail.

“You know how I told you that he had a lot going on? That he was sort of...a mess?” He paused, taking a deep breath to organize his thoughts. “Well, a while ago, he got mixed up with these really bad people, it wasn’t his fault, it should’ve never happened, and he got really hurt.” Tyson sounded nervous, and Elias squeezed his hand gently to comfort him. “Anyway, this guy he was with really hurt him, for a really long time. His name is August. I mean, this guy was a monster, he ruined his life.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” Elias asked. The subject seemed to make both of them uneasy, and he stroked his thumb mindlessly against Tyson’s knuckles.

Tyson took a deep breath then, looking like he didn’t want to answer. “Well...He got hurt again, he’s at the hospital. I guess he didn’t want to call his boyfriend so they called me instead. I have to go pick him up. And I wanted you to come with me, if you’re comfortable with that.”

Elias didn’t know why he agreed to it, really, he just knew that within an hour he was walking down the cold, sterile, hallway of a hospital, hand in hand with an obviously nervous Tyson. He wasn’t really sure what to expect, having heard very few things about Allen in the past. Allen didn’t have his shit together, Tyson had told him, so as much as they had tried to work through things, it just wasn’t possible. From what he gathered, Tyson cared a lot about this guy, even if it wasn’t in that way anymore, and he believed him. Allen had someone else anyway, so he didn’t have anything to worry about. At least he hoped he didn’t.

Elias was shocked at how horrible Allen looked, like he was seconds from keeling over right there on the hospital bed. He was bruised up every few inches from head to toe, a sick pallor to him. Tyson wasn’t lying when he’d said that the person, August, had really hurt him.

Tyson rapped gently against the door frame, causing Allen to squint up at them with a pained look on his face. His black hair fell against his jaw and a few strands over his face, like he couldn’t be bothered to push it away from his eyes. He would be very attractive, if not for the splotchy bruises on his face, Elias thought to himself. His features were striking, all sharp angles and piercing eyes, his full lips parted slightly in fear.

“Oh, Allen.” Tyson breathed, his voice disdainful, upset at the state he was in. Recognition finally fell across his face, as if he couldn’t see who it was before he spoke.

“Tyson,” he whimpered, “you ca-came.” Relief coated his words, like he was expecting Tyson to say he didn’t want to come help him. Elias knew Tyson, knew the selfless way he cared for people, and if that’s what Allen was expecting, it was completely unrealistic.

“Of course.” Tyson reached to the side and flipped on one of the lights, which made Allen flinch horribly and squeeze his eyes shut for a moment. Elias was watching on with a pitiful interest, he had never seen someone so hurt, so scared. This August guy must’ve really done a number on him.

Elias followed close behind Tyson as he went to pull up a chair next to the bed, and Allen stared at him apprehensively. As if just remembering he was there, Tyson reached for his hand again as they sat down. “I forgot to introduce you, this is my boyfriend, Elias.” He shot him a fond look, and Elias smiled brightly back. He liked the sound of that, “his boyfriend”.

“Nice to finally meet you,” he spoke softly, trying not to startle him, “I’ve heard quite a bit about you. All good things.”

Allen nodded, dropping his head to look at the blanket and picking at a loose thread there. “Nice t-to meet you, too,” he stammered. “Ty, you didn’t uh...tell Leo, right? That I was here?”

“No,” Tyson assured him. “Did you want me to?” He sounded so comforting, so kind, just like he always did.

“No, I do-don’t think I’m ready to see him.”

They fell into a heavy silence after that, no one knowing what the right thing to say was. Eventually, Allen began to ask questions about their relationship, trying to get them to talk about themselves so he didn’t feel the attention on him. It worked for a while, up until Tyson had to excuse himself to the bathroom, and then Allen looked even more frightened as he realized he would be alone with Elias, a perfect stranger.

Elias ran through ways in his head of how to make Allen know that he meant no harm, that he wasn’t going to hurt him. Before he could think about it, he blurted, “I hope you don’t still like him.” He felt bad as soon as he said it, Allen was sitting in a hospital bed, covered in aches and pains, the last thing he needed was for Elias to interrogate him in his insecurity. He was surprised when Allen let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head.

“Who, Tyson?” He replied. Elias nodded half-heartedly. “No, I haven’t for awhile. D-don’t worry.”

Elias relaxed, leaning forward in his chair. “Ok, cause I really like him.” He bit his lip, a thoughtful look on his face. “He really cares about you. Maybe not in that way, but he really does. And that’s ok, cause you look like you could use someone who cares about you.”

Allen’s face softened, and he seemed to deflate from his afraid, panicked demeanor, at least a little. “I could. Th-thank you.”

Just then, Tyson walked in, smiling softly at the two of them. “Are you talking about me?” He teased, ruffling Elias’s blond hair as he walked past him to sit down.

“Us? Oh no, we were talking about football.” Elias joked. Tyson laughed, but Allen couldn’t even smile. He seemed glad for the company, but he didn’t look like he was used to being talked to, included in conversation.

“So, if you’re not staying with Leo right now, do you have somewhere to stay?” Tyson asked. Allen didn’t answer, didn’t even look up. He seemed like he was checked out, his thoughts somewhere else, very far from the safety of the hospital room. “Allen?”

Allen flinched at his own name, then looked up at him. “Sorry...what?”

“I said do you have a place to stay?”

Allen looked thoughtful, staring back at the wall. “Oh. Uh...I hadn’t thought about it, really. I g-guess once I start talking to Leo again...if he’ll even want to talk to me again…”

“Maybe you could stay with us,” he interrupted, already seeing where the anxious thought was headed, “Would that be ok, Eli?”

Elias nodded eagerly. He didn’t even realize that they were “us” at that point, as far as living together. It was nice to hear him phrase it that way. And he could tell from looking at Allen that he really needed a safe place to stay, and Tyson could definitely provide that.

Allen thanked them, then went quiet again. After a few moments, he sighed heavily, like simply existing was extremely taxing on his well being. “I always feel so l-lost without him.” He admitted. “I know I shouldn’t, b-but I just feel like I’m doing everything wrong and just d-don’t know.”

Elias assumed he was talking about August, and he felt bad. He couldn’t imagine how shitty it must feel to miss someone who had caused so much pain, damaged him so badly. Elias had been hurt and betrayed by people who were supposed to take care of him plenty of times, but he’d never missed them after, only looking back with resentment and anger.

“Yeah,” Tyson breathed. “I know it’s really rough on you. He really messed up your view of good and bad. But you’re doing great, someone will tell you if something isn’t ok, you’re not gonna be in trouble or anything.”

It was amazing, how Tyson could talk someone out of their panic so easily, how he seemed to know just what to say to assure them. Allen merely shrugged, clearly not as amazed as Elias was. “Leo probably hates me. I’m so afraid to call him.”

“We’ll figure that out when we get back. I’m sure he doesn’t, he’s probably just worried sick. You’ve got a tendency to do that to him.” He smiled softly at him, trying to get him to relax. It didn’t work.

Allen only had to be in the hospital for about an hour and a half after that, and then Tyson drove him and Elias back to his apartment. Elias glanced back at him every now and then, frowning when he saw he had pulled his hood over his eyes and was covering his ears with his hands. He turned the music down, thinking that maybe it was too loud, but Allen stayed tucked away into his little shell the rest of the ride back.

Finally, he was sitting at the kitchen table with his hands folded in front of him obediently as Tyson cooked them lunch. Elias came and sat with him at one point, smiling at him. “I really like your hair,” he said, “really suits your face.” He hoped that if he was nice enough, Allen would stop being so afraid and get comfortable. It was sad to see him looking so worried.

“Thank you.” Allen replied, almost mechanically.

Tyson joined them minutes later, setting a plate in front of Allen, who began staring at it trivially.

“What, you don’t like it?” Tyson teased. Even though he knew he was trying to ask it in a joking way so he wouldn’t freak Allen out, Elias could tell he was genuinely concerned. He hoped Allen knew that too.

Allen only frowned up at him, like he was too afraid to speak. He was so god damn quiet, Elias gathered. He didn’t know how, because Elias had been through his fair share of hard times and they all made him loud and pissed off. He couldn’t think of a single time that someone had treated him like garbage and he decided he would be quiet. He couldn’t tell if that signified that what happened to Allen was more dreadful than he could guess, or if they just handled things differently. He hopped, for Allen’s sake, that it was the ladder.

“N-no..I just uh...just…” he trailed off, picking up his fork with shaking hands. He looked like he was going to be sick, staring at the food. Elias tasted it, out of curiosity, but it was just fine.

“You just what?” Tyson prompted.

Allen had tears in his eyes as he stabbed through the food, staring at it in fear, like it was going to hurt him itself. For a moment, he looked like he was going to try to eat it, but then he dropped the fork to the plate with a clink and covered his face. “I’m s-sorry,” he choked out, “I really am.”

“Hey, it’s ok. Why don't you tell me what’s going on? We’ll figure it out.”

“J-just...last time someone gave me f-food, it was August, and he put something in it th-that made me sick for days... I just can’t stop thinking about that.”

Tyson and Elias exchanged a disgusted frown, not wanting to believe that someone would do that. “What a dick,” Elias remarked, “seriously, who the fuck does that?”

Allen shook his head, wiping at his tears furiously. “No, he only did it because I was doing something wrong. I d-deserved it.”

“Don’t say that. You did nothing wrong, Allen.”

He nodded at that, shutting himself up. Elias suddenly wasn’t hungry. None of them were.

“I think I need to call Leo,” Allen suddenly said, standing from the table. He grabbed his phone, then went outside.

Elias stood up and began helping Tyson clean up the untouched food from the table. He wondered if what he said upset Allen, that’s why he suddenly wanted to leave. It was true though, August was a dick for it, and there was nothing Allen could have done to warrant that kind of treatment. “Did I upset him?” Elias asked Tyson, a worried look on his face. “I didn’t mean to-”

“No, love, it’s not your fault. He’s just fragile right now.” He sighed heavily as he set the plates into the sink, looking rather overwhelmed. “I know this is a lot to handle, thank you for being so cool about it.”

Before he could respond, Allen came back in, tears streaming down his face. “Leo’s coming to g-get me,” he murmured, leaning against the wall as if it was too hard to stand upright on his own, “thank you f-for everything.”

Tyson nodded at him, a look of relief slipping onto his face. “Oh, that’s good. How did talking to him go?”

Allen shrugged uselessly, not wanting to go into depth. He seemed exhausted, and no one could blame him, with what he’d been through. Tyson offered to walk him outside to meet Leo, and Elias sat inside by himself while he waited. He thought about how strange of a circumstance it was, usually when people met their partners ex, things were tense and awkward, but meeting Allen wasn’t like how he’d expect, he wasn’t jealous or insecure, he mainly just felt bad for the guy.

When Tyson came back inside, it was like they were both too afraid to talk about what happened, so they just turned on a movie instead, leaning against each other and pretending there was nothing to talk about.

[cno-inbminor]

a/n: iwaizumi occupies an unhealthy amount of thoughts in my head. yay for another drabble dump! kind of recycled a soulmate!au from another fic of mine.

wc: 1.4k; angst; gets a little risque but no smut. 

vampire!iwa, soulmates via red string + reincarnation, person A can see it but person B can’t.

“y’know, roaming the earth for nearly 400 years doesn’t sound that bad.”

“it’s torture in its own way, trust me.”

“haji, i know you’re a vampire and everything, but must you be so angst-y and brooding all the time?”

“leave my house.”

hajime pretends that your laughter doesn’t make the corners of his own lips twitch upward. his attention, albeit divided, is directed towards the book resting atop his crossed legs, a cheek pressed into his left fist with his elbow on the arm rest. the cotton sofa chair he sits upon is a relic from britain that he was given from the king himself in 1833, and you’re amazed that it hasn’t turned to dust yet. hajime thanks the development of good upholstery cleaning products. 

his onyx gaze flickers to where you stand with your hands clasped tightly behind your back, perusing the titles on one of his many bookshelves lined against the walls. though he’s completely desensitized to the smell of human blood, the scent of yours is moderately more tempting than he’s used to. part of him is disgusted with himself, a tiny yet monstrous fraction of his soul simply keeping you around because he’s addicted. the realization sticks to him like grime and muck on skin, a pain to wash off, and grimace settled deep into invisible wrinkles. while his goal wasn’t to achieve complete humanity, he didn’t like being reminded that he exists as a monster, a foretold dangerous creature of the night. 

“you have a first edition of pride and prejudice?!” you cry out, fingers hovering reverently over the spine. you’re afraid that if you touch and try to open it, the pages will scatter towards the cherry hardwood ground quite unceremoniously, and that hajime might rip your neck open for it. 

of course he’s silent in his steps to move closer to your figure, nonchalantly pulling back the book from its position. he relishes in your quiet, nervous intake of air and opens the cover as if to let you know that it’s not as fragile as you believe. the awe in your eyes is captivating, and he tries not to bore holes into the side of your face. you’re charming in many of the same ways as your previous lives, though that’s a secret for him to keep for now. 

“you know what’s absolute batshit crazy? this alone could cover my living expenses for two or three years.”

hajime shrugs. his sense of money has also gone downhill over the years, but he’s a simple man with very few material needs. the most sizeable portion of his tremendous wealth goes towards art and literature, and he believes it pays off in moments like these. 

“i could cover your living costs until you die,” he supplies and another soft peal of laughter leaves your chest. your inevitable, human death doesn’t trigger a twinge in his chest, not at all. he’s past that -- it’s been over ten lifetimes, this one won’t be any different. 

“that’s sweet, but i don’t need a sugar daddy,” you chuckle, sliding the novel back into the shelf. “there are plenty of others who could use your help. go build homeless shelters, donate a shit ton of money to charities and causes. or you can be a sugar daddy for other people. plenty of people would sign up in a heartbeat knowing that you were willing to give money without asking for some favors in return.”

“i have built homeless shelters and made large anonymous donations to several places over the years. what do you take me for?”

“a dark, brooding vampire that pretends the sun still burns his skin.”

hajime rolls his eyes and walks away, choosing to return to his seat and open his book again. he feels you adjust and balance yourself on his arm chair, leaning above him to read the words as he goes along. you know that he slows down his reading speed for you, turning the pages at a more human pace to accommodate your needs. it’s charming and quite touching, romantic in a similar vein. perhaps it’s silly that you’ve developed a crush on an immortal creature, but you and hajime seem to click so well. even just after a few weeks of getting to know him, he feels so familiar, like a best friend you’ve known all your life. so incredibly reliable, protective, helpful, intelligent, ridiculously handsome that it should be a crime, and caring -- it’s frightening to some degree, but also comforting more than anything. 

“you’re a 400 year old vampire, yet you choose to waste your time with me,” you mutter, the words tumbling off your tongue before you can stop yourself. “compared to you, i’m pretty much a child, probably extremely immature. so why bother? boredom? curiosity?”

hajime almost stares incredulously at you for such a ridiculous assumption, though severely underestimating how close your face is to his. once again, he finds himself getting lost in your gaze. it’s as breathtaking as the first time those centuries ago, and you are so painfully unaware of the effect you have on him. the bond, the red string of fate becomes the center of gravity. after all this time, he can’t control and stop himself from glancing at your lips then back up, trying to give you time to deny his advances. though like always, you reciprocate his actions, leaning closer towards him, mouth slightly parted with bated breath and electric anticipation. 

the warmth of you quite nearly sears his skin, and he can’t help but sharply inhale at the first touch of contact. god, he’s missed this so much. he’s missed branding the shape your lips into his brain, he’s missed how alive he feels in these moments, he’s missed being able to hold you in his arms and claim you as his yet again. hajime wants nothing more than to pick you up by your thighs and carry you to his bedroom to remind you just who exactly you belong to, who you’ve always belonged to. the passion nearly hums in his veins but he keeps the pressure against your lips to a minimum, relishing in how soft they feel against his own. he never wants this to end -- fuck needing blood for survival. 

you’re all he needs. 

a soft moan sneaks away from him when you push harder against him, seeking fuller contact -- who is he to deny you? he places a tentative hand on your nape to keep you stable, though it doesn’t take long for you to slide into his lap and straddle him. your own hands fist his obsidian strands, tightening and tugging when you pull back for air and he finds refuge in the skin on the column of your neck. he nips and sucks until you’re almost whining to kiss him again, his hips grinding against where you might need him most. 

it’s almost too much, but you can’t find it in yourself to stop. there’s something inside you that screams you’ve been craving this, that this intimacy with hajime is everything that’s been missing from your life. you feel so complete, a sensation so terrifyingly thrilling because you couldn’t imagine what would happen if hajime ever left you. 

“i need you,” you gasp against his lips, grinding down on him for extra measure and throwing shame out the window. your scent washes over him in crashing waves and intoxicates his soul yet again, the grasp of his hands on your waist surely bruising your skin now. it’s the tipping point, the slip in the house of cards, the leap into another endless rabbit hole that will only bring him torment again in sixty years. and though every lifetime he tells himself that he’ll keep his distance, that he’ll be nothing more than a good friend, he can’t help but relapse and give in. it’s too hard not to, and all the pain, suffering, and agony of waiting for you to be reincarnated is worth it if he can have you again. 

“if you’ll have me,” he murmurs. it’s silly that he’s trying to make sure you’re aware of your own actions, as if the soulmate bond wasn’t tugging on your heartstrings this whole time. there’s no one more perfect for him than you, nor him for you. written in the stars, foretold in the legends, there was no escaping it. 

“please,” you beg, driving the metaphorical stake through his chest. it ensures another death, another ending that most would spend eternity running from. 

but effortlessly lifting you with one hand beneath your thigh and the other wound around your waist, he takes it all, prepared to die once more.

[klovenhooves]

Johnny Lawrence and the Five Love Languages Chapter One: Quality Time

Johnny couldn’t explain how it had come to this. It was bad enough that he was sitting here, on the edge of the parking lot outside of Cobra Kai, staring down into a can of Coca Cola, with Miguel on the other side, looking at him furtively out of his peripherals like Johnny couldn’t see him doing it. It was worse that they were currently discussing Johnny’s latest and possibly worst epiphany to date.

 “So you have a crush on your greatest rival, there have been tons of movies about that,” Miguel said bracingly, turning his gaze completely out to the parking lot.

 Johnny grimaced, his grip tightening on the can of soda. “I don’t have a crush, Diaz, shit, you make me sound like a high school girl.”

 “Oh, sorry, should I have said that you’re in love with –”

 “Not if you want to keep all of your teeth.”

 Miguel laughed in that nervous way he did when he was pretty sure Johnny was bluffing, but he didn’t want to push it. Johnny couldn’t bring himself to look over at the kid to read his face – he could feel that his face was warm, and as long as he kept looking out over the parking lot, he could claim it was a sunburn. People got sunburned in California, after all. It was a worthy excuse.

 After a long bout of silence, Miguel cleared his throat and tried again. “Have you considered telling him how you feel?”

 In fact, yes, Johnny had considered that, if only for a fraction of a second before he realized how stupid it was. What would Daniel say, anyway? He could map out the sequence of events with no trouble: Johnny would try to tell him the truth, and Daniel would laugh, not believe him, and get angry with him for trying to pull some sort of ill-conceived joke on him. Johnny would get embarrassed, and the conversation would end the way it had began – with them angry at each other.

 “That’s a stupid idea, Diaz.”

 Miguel sighed. “What’s stupid is trying to bottle up your feelings. What if he feels the same way?”

 Johnny almost laughed. “He doesn’t.”

 “You told me I should never take no for an answer,” Miguel pointed out.

 “That was when I thought you were talking about some random babe, not LaRusso’s kid,” Johnny mumbled. “It’s not the same.”

 “Why isn’t it the same?” Miguel asked, and Johnny could feel him turning his knees toward him, trying to face him completely.

 “You can pursue other random babes if one doesn’t like you,” Johnny said after fishing for the right words.

 Miguel scrunched up his face, trying to read between the lines. Johnny could practically see the gears in his head turning. “So…what you’re saying is ‘not taking no for an answer’ works with people you kind-of-sort-of like, because you won’t get your feelings hurt if they say no. And that same strategy won’t work with someone you love because their rejection will hurt more.”

 “That’s not what I’m saying –”

 “Have you tried maybe hinting that you like him?” Miguel interrupted. “See if he picks up on it?”

 Johnny tilted his head, finally catching Miguel’s concerned, serious gaze. “What do you mean?”

 “I mean, try being nice to him –”

 “That’s ridiculous –”

 “Okayyyyy,” Miguel said, trying to hide his smile behind his hand. “Have you heard of the five love languages?”

 Johnny squinted. “There are more than five sex positions, young grasshopper.”

 “No, I –” Miguel groaned, burying his face in his hands for a moment before trying again. “No, it’s – it’s this thing about how people show their love and receive love differently. Sam showed it to me, we took this test –”

 “Your girlfriend made you take a test?”

 “It tells you how you most like to receive affection,” Miguel’s face was darkening to pink now at the mention of his girlfriend, but Johnny was trying to ignore it. “There’s uhhhh, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and receiving gifts.”

 Johnny took a long sip of his now lukewarm soda. “How do you know which one you are?”

 Miguel shrugged. “You could take the test.”

 “I’m not a nerd.”

 “It doesn’t really matter anyway,” Miguel brushed him off. “What matters is what Mr. LaRusso is.”

 “How do I get him to take the test?” Johnny asked. “Show up at his house, put on a disguise, tell him I’m taking surveys?”

 “What? No, Sensei, this isn’t Looney Tunes,” Miguel laughed. “Just…try some of them out. See how he responds.”

 “So just…” Johnny grimaced. “Give him a gift?”

 “Yeah,” Miguel said. “Or try spending some time with him, or do something for him, stuff like that.”

 “I don’t know, Diaz…”

 Miguel turned away and looked out over the parking lot again. “Or you could just pine after your karate rival until you’re old and gray and life has passed you by.”

 “What the hell kind of Lifetime movie crap is that LaRusso girl making you watch?”

 ***

 Johnny, true to his word, refused to take the love language test. He didn’t have to take the test to know what he liked – he just needed to know how to get it. So, against his better judgment, he found himself writing down the love languages on an old gas station receipt in his apartment and trying to figure out which one to try on LaRusso first.

 He still hadn’t settled on which one when his phone vibrated on the kitchen counter, startling him out of his reverie.

 It was a text from Robby: “Meet at the beach on Saturday? Surfing?”

 He smiled down at the text. He was still struggling with finding ways to connect to his son, but sometimes, things just worked out.

 “Let’s make a day of it,” he texted back. “Bring LaRusso and his kid.”

 “You mean his kids?”

 “Sure, yeah, why not?”

 In record time, his phone was skittering across the countertop, the phone number on the display unknown. Johnny scooped it up and answered.

 “Yeah?”

 “What the hell are you planning, Johnny? A replay of our first fight on the beach?” Johnny almost grinned at the sound of LaRusso’s voice. He should have known he would be paranoid.

 “Paranoid, LaRusso?” he asked, and Daniel huffed over the line. “Just trying to be a good example for my kid, you know, like you told me I should be?”

 Daniel didn’t say anything.

 “Would it make you feel better if I called it a truce?” Johnny asked, a pit opening up in his stomach the longer Daniel was silent. Did he really believe Johnny was incapable of putting aside their rivalry for his son?

 “What time?”

 Triumph overshadowed the pit in his stomach. “Ten. Bring your surfboard.”

 “My wha –”

 ***

 LaRusso didn’t have a surfboard. That didn’t surprise Johnny – there was no way that he learned to surf in his time in California. He was too busy stealing guy’s girls on the beach and spending time with Mr. Miyagi. Still, he showed up, his two kids in tow, Robby lingering by the Volvo, unhooking his surfboard from the top rack.

 “You actually brought a surfboard,” Daniel remarked, his eyes traveling down Johnny’s short wetsuit. “Like, an actual surfboard.”

 “Some of us are actually from California, LaRusso,” Johnny replied, trying not to check out Daniel’s orange (peach? Pink?) swim trunks. “Want to learn?”

 “Do I have to wear a wetsuit?” Daniel asked, and Johnny could see him squinting behind his sunglasses.

 “You can borrow mine,” Johnny quipped, picking up the surfboard and turning toward the ocean, away from Daniel’s appraising gaze. “Unless you’re scared.”

 “Shut up and get in the water.”

 As if on cue, Robby whooshed past them both toward the water, surfboard under his hand. “Race you!” he shouted back to Johnny, who gave Daniel a proud look.

 “I’ll be right back,” he said, taking off toward the water, Robby with a clear head start. Daniel watched him go, brow furrowed, mind struggling to process this borderline-friendly Johnny Lawrence.

 He sat on his towel next to Sam while they surfed, pros in his eyes, since he didn’t really know what good surfing looked like, Robby completely at home, his smile so bright Daniel could see it from where he was sitting, Johnny as at ease on a surfboard as he was in a dojo.

 “Did you know Robby could surf?” Sam asked, looking over at her father from behind her sunglasses.

 “Nope.”

 “I wonder if he’ll teach me,” Anthony said from Sam’s other side, completely hidden underneath their huge beach umbrella, his eyes still trained on his Nintendo Switch.

 “Oh, you don’t want to learn karate but you’ll learn how to surf?” Daniel asked, halfway between irritated and amused.

 “The ocean isn’t going to kick me in the nuts, Dad.”

 “Gross,” Sam grumbled, turning a page in her book.

 Daniel let them bicker, content to watch Johnny and his son surf. There was something peaceful about it, watching a fractured family come together in those small moments, like when Johnny offered Robby a hand back onto his surfboard when he fell off, or when they high-fived for seemingly no reason at all. He was reminded of Miyagi telling him about plants in his garden that simply bloom later than others.

 “Doesn’t make them wrong, Daniel-san,” Miyagi had said, refilling his water can. “Just different.”

 “LaRusso,” Johnny’s voice shook him out of his memory, and suddenly he was standing in front of him, dripping wet, wetsuit far too tight for Daniel’s own comfort level, sticking to abs that Johnny had no right having, not with the amount of beer he consumed on a daily basis. “Come on, your turn.”

 “I – I don’t know, Johnny –”

 “I’m not going to throw you to the sharks, LaRusso, trust me.”

 There was something plaintive in the way he said “trust me,” that brought Daniel up short. They didn’t say things like that to each other; they didn’t say much to each other that wasn’t an insult. And yet, here they were, Johnny with an outstretched hand, water dripping down his tanned body, looking every bit a 90210 character, his eyes somehow still soft and a little bit uncertain.

 “Fine,” Daniel grumbled, allowing Johnny to pull him to his feet. “But no laughing.”

 “I promise nothing,” Johnny grinned, and it was a genuine, giddy smile, one that Daniel wasn’t sure he’d ever seen on Johnny’s face before. It was almost childlike, sunny in its intensity.

 It made him smile too.

 ***

 Apparently Anthony really did want to learn to surf, and Daniel found himself in the water beside his son, Johnny and Robby their respective teachers. Johnny had, so far, only taught Daniel how to straddle the surfboard so that he wouldn’t fall off, and was currently at the head of the surfboard, standing in the chest deep water, watching Anthony try to do the same thing.

 “You have to find your balance,” Robby was saying exasperatedly, but he was clearly trying to suppress his own smile. “You can’t just expect it to find you.”

 “It’s just sitting!” Anthony complained, shoving his wet hair out of his eyes. “How hard could it be?”

 Johnny huffed a laugh and turned back to Daniel. “I’m going to let go of the board, LaRusso, think you can stay on?”

 “I’ve used pool floaties before, Johnny,” Daniel retorted, and Johnny smirked knowingly. Well, that made him nervous.

 “Okay, genius, here you go,” he said, releasing the board just as a wave gently rocked it, and Daniel had to lurch forward to grab the edges to keep from slipping right off.

 “Tighten your legs, LaRusso,” Johnny said nonchalantly, and Daniel felt his face go hot.

 “I don’t – I – what?”

 Johnny’s hands gripped the surfboard again. He caught Daniel’s gaze and released it to take in the deep blush that had spread over his face and all the way to his ears. “I said, tighten your legs so you don’t fall off.” He peeled his eyes away from Daniel to find another wave coming. “Try it again.”

“No, Johnny don’t –” But his hands were already leaving the board, and the wave jostled the board sharply, this wave bigger than the one before. Daniel tightened his legs, the same way his weird cousin told him to do when he rode a horse on an ill-fated business retreat, and closed his eyes, waiting to slip off the board and into the water.

 And then the board mellowed out, and Daniel was still on it.

 He opened his eyes to find Johnny beaming up at him, eyes the same color as the ocean beneath him, water running down his face like it was trying to trace his skin in gold.

 “Good job, LaRusso,” he said, and Daniel could faintly hear the sound of Anthony spluttering in the distance. “Now let’s try it on your knees.”

 “On my what?”

 ***

 By the time the sun went down, Daniel had learned how to stand up on a surfboard, much to Johnny’s very infectious glee. He couldn’t actually surf on it yet, the standing was hard enough, but he still felt immensely accomplished. He imagined part of that had to do with Johnny’s proud smile.

 He understood, in those little in-between moments, when Johnny would tell him how to keep his balance, when he would cheer in the wake of Daniel’s very simple success, why he was such a good sensei. His enthusiasm was catching, and there was a childlike enjoyment that made the day feel more momentous, the whole thing felt very special.

 Sunset found them leaning against Johnny’s car, a beer in their hands, the salt drying on their skin.

 “This was fun,” Daniel said into the comfortable silence.

 Johnny, beside him, jerked his head around to look at him. He looked thrilled, like Daniel had given him much better news than he enjoyed himself. That was curious.

 “Really?” he asked, looking so much like a puppy that Daniel didn’t mind reassuring him.

 “Yeah, really,” he insisted. “I don’t think I’m a very good surfer –”

 “Everything takes practice, LaRusso,” Johnny interrupted smoothly, taking a sip of his beer. He was still smiling.

 “Then why don’t you teach me again next weekend?” Daniel asked.

 Johnny blinked. “You mean – you want to do this again?”

 Daniel shrugged. “I mean…if you want to.”

 “Yes,” Johnny said, a little too quickly. “I mean, yeah, I guess, if you want.”

 “Good,” Daniel smiled, turning back to the ocean, trying not to notice Johnny’s eyes on him. “Next weekend then.”

[roryeu]

task one: questionnaire.

001. how did your muse find out about being a demigod, and how did they react?

as a child, rory knew there was something different about him. he never made friends easily, other children were afraid of him. he was never invited to play with people on the playground and, at his mother’s insistence, when he tried joining without asking, they just brushed him of and left to do something else. even his teachers found him off putting, though they were better in not showing their prejudice against a child.

his mother promised she would explain everything to him when he was older, that it was okay that he was different and that differences were what made for variety, otherwise life would be boring. her words had made him feel better, she had made him feel better, just with her presence. to rory, there was nothing that couldn’t be solved by spending time with his mom. and like all children, he liked making or giving her stuff that showed his appreciation. macaroni glued to a picture frame? check. drawn pictures in crayon of the two of them hung up on the fridge? check.

but also like all children, he liked sparkly objects and when he saw something red and glittery in the ground, he brought it to his mom because he thought it was beautiful like her. he thought she would like it. being told to put it back where he found it and quickly had almost broken his heart because he thought she didn’t like it. but later that night, she said it was another thing she would explain to him when he was older.

she never got the chance to explain.

finding out his true parentage wasn’t something happened until years down the line. a fury, though he hadn’t known the name of it, attacked him while he walked home from school as a teenager. when he found shelter at a camp in the hills of scotland and finally had everything explained to him, things clicked.

the reaction wasn’t pretty. he spent the majority of his first night at camp, miraculously without a scratch, asking the older kids if they had alcohol, any kid of alcohol, or cigarettes, or weed. a hermes kid two years older had supplied him with tequila and he spent the majority of his night in his cabin (alone, as he always was) getting drunk for the first time.

002. how does your muse’s mortal family feel about them being a demigod?

there isn’t a single soul still alive that rory considers part of his family. the twin sister he’d never known had died when they were born (rory blames that on himself as well, after learning that he was the reason, he’d taken all the nutrients and she couldn’t survive). his mother died of a disease that had come on rapidly and taken her life just as fast despite having been on the mend. the foster families were close enough, maybe, but not enough that he feels close.

the rhodes were the closest thing he would get to a family and he has never viewed them as parents. even as a kid, he referred to them by their first names, the entire time he’d been in their care. they were easily the best of the bunch when it came to the foster families he’d been placed into throughout his youth, he lasted three years with the rhodes. there had even been talks of adopting him when he had started to make progress in therapy and he began opening up little by little. that same week he’d been attacked by the fury and had run.

sending them a letter explaining that it wasn’t their fault was one of the hardest things he’d had to do. he didn’t explain even a fraction of the full story, rationalizing to himself that they were safer if they didn’t know the truth about him. they haven’t seen him in eight years but they keep in contact with letters. he always leaves out the details about where he is, about what he is, despite them asking almost every time. he just promises that he’s safe. they always tell him that they love him but he never says it back.

he might not see them as his parents, but they see him as their son.

003. when did they get claimed by their godly parent?

for most demigods, they get claimed by their parent after their true nature comes to light and their godly parent can no longer deny it. even so, it has to be when the child was no older than thirteen. at thirteen, rory was getting attacked by a fury and led to camp by a ghost, the first and one of the few times he’d been able to summon a spirit.

the second he’d found people inside the camp, the director looking him over for scratches, which he was surprisingly without for having a fury on his ass the entire way across the country, was the second a glowing skull and crossbones appeared over his head. rory kinnon, son of hades.

004. did they attend a camp?

camp, like everything else in his life, was a mixed bag for rory. at camp, he had his first kiss, his first drink, his first heartbreak. the bad outshone the good, like always. he was alone in his cabin there, as there weren’t too many children of hades to begin with (rory doubted he strayed as often as other gods and goddess did). he never made any effort to be included, as he had been burned and shunned too many times in his childhood to make that mistake again but sometimes he got included anyway. and despite the protests, the begrugding attitude as he went along with it, he was always thankful to at least feel like he belonged. after all, wasn’t everyone at the camp an outsider at one point in their life.

when he was fourteen, he’d found himself in a relationship with a son of athena, parker. the relationship lasted less than a year but rory still regards him as one of the only people that he’s ever actually cared about and who cared about him.

from that point on, it just solidified the idea that him being around other people was bad luck. he hated himself for interacting with someone who had less than a year before they died. he thought it would be okay and maybe he could change it.

005. was your muse ever sent on any quests?

parker going on a quest was the closest rory had ever come to going on one himself. when he was packing that night, rory had been in the athena cabin, trying to convince him to change his mind. they’d only allowed three demigods to go on the quest, anymore would draw too much attention, and rory had been told that he wasn’t going. the entire night, he was plagued with visions of how parker would die and he thought, maybe if he went with them instead of some vapid daughter of aphrodite, he would die in parker’s place. he was of more use to the world than rory was. people would be upset to lose parker. no one would feel that way about rory.

despite being told to stay at camp, he’d tried shadow traveling for the first time when he started to feel antsy waiting for parker to get back. he wasn’t allowed to go on the quest but what the camp directors didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

shadow traveling wasn’t one of the few things he was naturally gifted at. through sheer dumb luck, he’d managed to get himself to the right place but it had exhausted him so much he hadn’t been able to save parker when the moment came. at most, he had parker’s head in his lap as he died and threatened the other demigods on the quest with death if they told anyone he had been there.

006. what’s their relationship with their godly parent?

hades is not dad of the year as far as rory is concerned. everything that has ever gone wrong in rory’s life could be attributed to him in one way or another. the death of his first, and only, boyfriend had plagued him thanks to his gift of sensing death.

he wouldn’t have ever met parker if his father hadn’t sent a fury to chase him, scaring him enough that he summoned a ghost without even realizing it to lead him to camp, where he would be safe.

he wouldn’t have needed to be chased to camp if his mother hadn’t died as a direct result of misfortune falling her after rory gave her one of the gems he found in the ground as part of his ferrokinesis. she would have told him and taken him to camp herself.

he wouldn’t have been born if hades didn’t take an interest in his mother to begin with.

rory refuses to hold his tongue when speaking ill about his father. he regularly curses him out, talks shit, and speaks as if he was speaking directly to him, though the words have never once been spoken with kindness. he doesn’t fear retribution.

what’s the worst that happens? hades sends someone an infernal army to kill him. if there was even a chance of it happening, rory would step foot outside of the safety of eonia and tell him to do it already.

007. your muse’s favorite part about being a demigod?

there are very, very few things rory considers a perk of being a demigod and the only one he actually enjoys is the means of making money. though taking gems from the ground brings misfortune to others lives, rory cares very little for other people and happily takes all of the gems he brings to the surface. self taught, he cuts them and makes jewelry out of them, selling them on etsy. there’s mail going out from him on any given day, which is more money going into his pocket.

along with that, rory has moments where he enjoys being a son of hades. people have always been put off by him and as a child, it was upsetting. he hadn’t been doing anything wrong as a kid, he just wanted to make friends. as an adult, making friends is the absolute last thing he wants. and while some people aren’t necessarily affected by the air of ... off that comes with being a child of hades, there tends to be a disconnect from him and the rest of the student body.

008. your muse’s least favorite part about being a demigod?

rory can count the amount of people on one hand that he’s close with. (it’s zero.) his relationships are superficial at best and nonexistent at worst. being able to sense death is a curse in and of itself. after being there while two people died, the grief is endless and he knew it was coming. he would rather have it be a surprise, as horrible as it is, when people die. to be able to spend time with them and enjoy it while it lasts, not be counting down the months, weeks, days, minutes, until someone meets their end.

he would give anything to be able to just be without seeing someone’s death ahead of them.

009. what’s your muse’s weapon and battle proficiency?

his weapon of choice is stygian iron knife. he had summoned the iron from the ground once after hours of concentrating and had promptly taken it to a hephaestus camper who would be able to craft something out of it far better than he ever could. there wasn’t enough there to make a sword so he settled for a knife. a weapon was a weapon and this one was deadly to anyone who pissed him off.

along with that, he is pretty handy with a bow and arrow, though not even close to the children of apollo’s skills. he’s used stygian iron to make arrowheads and treats them with the most care possible. stygian iron goes through the river styx to be made and being able to bring any at all to the surface is a gift he was unwilling to overlook.

[projectemmatyler]

The damn diacritics on AO3 (aka What’s Your Effing Problem Jennie)

(disclaimer here: Jennie is a placeholder name that I for some reason don’t like. No offense to any Jennies meant.)

First few things I’d like to clarify here before I really light into this.

I am, as of March 2020, a member of OTW (Organization for Transformative Works), parent organization of Archive of Our Own, better known as Ao3. I am also a volunteer attached to Tag Wrangling committee, which means I get to see all your dumb shit you write in tags, try to make sense of it and link it to the canonical tags and/or make new ones if enough of you guys write the same thing in the tags. That’s my job that I do without any pay, for no real obligatory amount of time per week, with pleasure because I’m a fan, doing this for fans, to make their life on Ao3 happier and easier to navigate.

I also don’t speak for the OTW as organization, or AO3 as project, or any of the committees there - I speak as me, myself and I. And boy do I have shit to say here.

I am, surprise surprise, a fan of MXTX works. I’m also one of more than a dozen wranglers who’re currently panting as they try to keep our wrangling to-dos in all MXTX fandoms (including Módào Zǔshī, Untamed, Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System, and Tiān Guān Cì Fú). Yes, over a dozen wranglers. You heard me right. Not everyone there is willing out themselves (for some it may even be dangerous to out themselves as parts of OTW!), but I am willing, and I’m not going to shy away from calling several people, some of which include former wranglers who I have to admit have never met, on their BS.

So, the whole shebang was brought to me when a Twitter user decided that they can speak for Ao3, OTW and Tag Wrangling volunteers - that are about 400 in total right now - and say that one single person, who must be straight, white cisgender American (because why the eff not, this is something Cool Kids Say With No Repercussions Or Second Thoughts), decided to unilaterally decide that all Chinese fandoms, MDZS and Guardian in particular (we’ll come back to that later!), would be using pinyin tone markers. Instead of framing this as ‘this makes everyone’s life difficult, can we talk about this?’, this person decided it’d rather attack the organization; more specifically, a part of organization in whose purview the decision of making standards for canon fandom tags, and the smallest subsection of that part - us.

Yes, you attacked us. Thanks for that. What a nice thank you we get for dealing with your tags (and also, we have to use pinyin too!)

But moving on from my salty feelings.

The discourse that went on from there assumed three things:

One - there’s one MXTX wrangler.

Two - we’re all white American folk.

Three - we do this to spite Guardian and MDZS fandoms.

First one I already disputed (also, we get over 100 tags daily from MXTX fandoms at minimum, and when there are fan events, the numbers can climb up to 200 - do you really think one person could do it and stay sane?). Third one I can also dispute by the fact that I wrangle Liàn Yǔ Zhì Zuò Rén | Mr. Love: Queen's Choice and follow same rules. The rules for diacritics are also not even unique only to Chinese fandoms: Star Wars’ Padmé Amidala tag also has diacritics to name the most well known one, as do Polish-named and Spanish-named characters!

And yet, somehow, it’s only Guardian and MDZS that are being attacked. Why?

Because of the assumption number 2: we’re all darn racist white folk that come from good ole’ US of A.

As someone who’s decidedly not an American citizen (heck, my native language is not even English!) and find it quite offensive to be called that, I’m incensed. I’m incensed on the behalf of all Chinese-descent, Chinese-immigrant and China-inhabiting members that I work with as a MDZS wrangler, wrangler in general and fellow OTW volunteer. I’m incensed on the assumption that the English-speaking fandom, who is primarily based in US, is arbitrarily attacking Ao3, and this time me specifically as MDZS wrangler, on their goddamn entitlement, and claiming that the most international community I’ve ever had the pleasure to be part of as a fan is not taking their opinion into consideration, so therefore I have to be racist.

In not so polite words, go get that stick out of your ass, you special little snowflake.

I literally don’t give a shit if you’re PoC when you’re behaving like a stereotypical Karen on the block. I don’t care how much you wave your ‘I’m a protected group‘ card; if you’re an entitled piece of shit, you’re an entitled piece of shit and I’ll say it.

OTW, and Ao3 as its biggest and most well known project, is not perfect, as I’ve found out quickly after joining - we are a decentralized group of 800+ volunteers from all walks of life and all across the world, who are divided into groups that had to make rules that’ll accommodate an international fandom, and not just US-centric, English speaking one. Tag Wrangling rules have been subject to change before, and they are still subject to change - if the wrangling staff, volunteers and Board all manage to agree on something that’ll be inclusive to everyone, the change can be made, and we wranglers will gladly comply. However, framing this as your goddamn social justice crusade against Ao3, and only using two biggest Chinese-media fandoms in US specifically, stinks of typical entitlement I’ve been dealing since I was thirteen and naively stumbled into Fanfiction dot net, where I discovered fanfic.

I am sick and tired of fractions of US-based fandom refusing to even try to engage into a constructive conversation about fandoms, insisting that the entire international fandom has to accept their frame of mind, while at the same time not bothering to even try and understand our own frames (yes, I’m talking about all the ‘oh, you’re of X ethnicity, you must be an Y nationality’ shitstick I see all the time). I’m sick and tired of issues only being raised once US fandom learns about it, and preferably not even research the background for those things before starting a crusade while they’re at it.

In short, I’m tired of entitled, special snowflake Jennies who think waving their PoC, non-heterosexual, non-cisgender cards gets them a get out of jail card for their shitty-ass behavior. You’re not being crusaders for justice, you’re just being shitty-ass people, and please stop while you’re still ahead.

Talk with us constructively if you want to change, and piss off if you don’t.

This is me fuming at nearly 12 AM, because I can no longer ignore this shit. I repeat again for contrary idjits who didn’t read my disclaimer: I speak as me, myself and I, wrangler of MDZS, TGCF and SVSSS, and also MCQL, and not as spokeperson for either OTW, Ao3 or Tag Wrangling Committee.

[perpetualxfire]

ooc - explaining my absence

 I’ve been putting a lot of focus lately on outside story-writing projects, mostly to maintain my sanity; I’ve expressed this a bit to some friends (one friend) but I’ve been a little leery spending too much time here for... Historical fandom reasons, I’ll say, and what happens in fandom this next season is probably going to determine a lot whether or not it’s time to finally shelve a blog that I’ve been running in some iteration or another for about eight years now, so... It’s kind of a big deal.

 (Pre-post Edit): Sorry, This post is going to jump around a lot, aha, sorry; it’s tkind of stream of consciousness and I just don’t have the emotional energy left after writing it to go back and try to make it more coherent. I promise if this weren’t bothering me so much I wouldn’t have said anything at all - I’m the kind of person who tends to keep a lot of these issues to myself.

 I don’t know if there’s anybody left here who particularly cares about the details, as I know I’m both apparently a very intimidating individual to contact and then very difficult to maintain a conversation with once you have (sorry;;; i’m just... not much for talking, aha) but honestly at the end of the day that only peripherally contributes. This isn’t a post meant to say “nobody cares about me and why am I here”, don’t get me wrong - I know that I’m difficult to communicate with and I’ve accepted that for eight years in this space now. The fact that it’s been dead as hell after S14 and the last three seasons in show... weren’t the miracle the series needed, tbh (they weren’t BAD they just weren’t FANTASTIC, you know?) certainly hasn’t helped.

 My issue goes back into the early days of S9 and S10 fandom - my character has always been an incredibly controversial character to people, and I love her very very deeply and am more than happy to express how various misconceptions are wrong - or... I was. But it gets exhausting to get hit with vitriol over and over and over all the time, and a lot of well respected members of fandom have developed some... Not great ways of coping with what I can only describe as trauma from having stayed attached to such a controversial character. Trauma might seem a stretch, but when just the thought of some of it makes me start getting aggressively defensive, I don’t really know what else to label it as.

 There were a few years - a sweet spot - where people were finally receiving the message, were finally realizing just how deep and well written C.arolin.a is; S13, after the disaster (for Carolina, at least) that was S12, was practically her golden age. All of the good, and bad, the learning, the depth of her character - all of it was perfect. For once, it felt like everybody was on the same page, and while I didn’t get a lot of blog activity (not nearly the activity I had back during S9-11) it was nice to feel like I didn’t have to defend my right to love my character.

 The issue is, however, that S17 opened a wormhole. Don’t get me wrong - I love Lina’s arc in the past three seasons, even if I hate the tone they’re setting and converting S9+10 into (it feels like they’re bastardizing some of the most complex story-telling in the series, but that’s just my take); I even love the concept of her labyrinth scene - she’s literally physically fighting her interpretation of the person she was in the past. But, you can ask my friends, I knew the Instant I watched that episode that the way they handled it was sloppy and was going to be bad for fandom, and I’ve only been proven right. We’ve seen a consistent uptick in exactly the kind of thought process that I was terrified of, and exactly the kind of process that I simply do not have the energy to engage with again.

 Sorry if I start to lose coherence, this is honestly a very very emotional thing to write about - I can’t express my love for my time with this character and community enough, and the idea that I might have to deal with every a very faint fraction of, a faint hint of the vitriol I dealt with back in the day again has me literally shaking, so I’ll try to be fast.

 I’ve seen, in increasing numbers, the idea that C.arolin.a now is a much better and more loveable character than C.arolin.a back then was. And, on a surface level, you aren’t wrong; she’s softer, and easier to process. But the idea that you can have the C.arolin.a now without the C.arolin.a then is literally painful to me. I’ve spent hours upon hours taking apart how she’s such a powerful feminine figure in a dominantly male show and community, and to this day I’m convinced that that’s why she’s hated on, even if the people doing it don’t realize. She’s a woman who’s allowed to make mistakes, who’s allowed to make bad decisions that affect others as the result of deep manipulation I’d like to add, and who’s allowed to feel remorse for them when she learns. She’s allowed to be a full person, to explore the full range of a powerful emotionality and the impacts thereof, and the entire time she honestly believes that she’s doing what’s best (and that’s a hill I will die to defend, but I can’t really get into that right now).

 But now that the vast majority of her story arc has reached resolution, the issue we’re running into now is in a couple of different parts - namely, the 100% villainization (i know, not a word) of her past self (we should note that that scene was her interpretation of her past self, but god knows the people looking to dunk on her can’t appreciate that subtlety) and then the hanging idea that C.arolin.a did nothing but use and abuse the people around her - an inherently false idea that she proposes that the narrative allows to leave hanging.

 And, as I’ve predicted, I’ve only seen the people who hate everything who made her who she is today explode in numbers, and I just do not have the emotional energy to cope with that. If I have to see one more person say that they love her now but didn’t during the project I might explode. For a very very long time I was patient with people who didn’t like her during the project, because, to be fair, the writing did her no favors there, either; two seasons that were supposed to focus on her story (words of RT themselves, not me) managed to frame her as an irrational and irredeemable bitch because RT chose to focus on the dude squad (TM) to a point that it was detrimental to C’s character. All the pieces you need to put her rational and thought processes are there, but most people don’t take the time to see them and put them together. I can’t blame people for that. That’s why I’ve been so patient.

 But I can’t do this anymore.

 I can’t.

 Every single time I see it I start to get defensive, realize that’s not helping, and just shut down. I no longer have the patience necessary to help people put together the puzzle pieces that RT did a shit job of providing. I can’t handle people talking about how C is OBJECTIVELY worse than Wash again (I’m not going to argue here, don’t FUCKING make me), I can’t handle people claiming C did shit just to push her authority, or because she couldn’t stand being one-upped, because that’s inherently untrue and I just want to grab the community as a whole and scream how can you not see this after all this time.

 I just.... I’m tired of hurting for something that used to bring me so much joy. There was a time I didn’t mind fending off the haters because I had a close community of friends who would gush with me, some of whom I even converted from hating on C’s character, who were only just realizing the complexity of not just C but of those two seasons and all of the dynamics wherein as a whole. I loved going over just how complex freelancer was, if you can find the pieces, I loved forging new narratives within it, and since all of the freelancers have left, I’ve mostly hung on, because while the avid community that I like to think I helped foster was gone, so was the hate.

 But now, even if in a lesser form, that old mentality is lurking again, and I literally cannot handle it. I just can’t.

 So... We’re going to sit back. And lurk. And wait. And see what this next season (and the potential RP Com. Boom that comes as a result) has in store. And if it’s as bad as I’m worried it might be... It’s time for me to leave. Because I can’t put this much energy and love into something just to have to explain my right to do so anymore. There are people who love much more controversial characters who are accepted far more than there are people who love Ag.ent C.arolin.a, and at the end of the day, I just... I can’t accept that anymore. I like to think that I contributed at least a decent amount to the RPC over the years. Maybe I’m overstating; maybe I’m just tooting my own horn.

 But maybe it’s time I moved on.

[firelord-frowny]

I don’t really talk about ~fandom~ stuff, mostly because I kinda find the entire concept of “fandom” to be ridiculous and annoying. When I talk about the things I’m a fan of, it’s in the context of my own enjoyment and no one else’s. But I’m gonna talk about fandom shit bc I’m Annoyed and all up in my feelings. 

What I kind of can’t stand about ~fandom culture~ is this weird-ass phenomenon where people will proclaim to be die-hard fans of something, yet turn around and want to bash the creators/writers/directors/whatever any time they do anything at all that that they Don’t Like, and yet STILL turn around again and want to demand more content from these same creators/etc who they clearly don’t actually respect. 

So, right now there’s a bunch of uproar about ATLA bc “Bryke,” the original creators, decided to walk out on the live-action netflix adaptation due to the proverbial ~creative differences.~

Cue ATLA fans foaming at the mouth and insisting that without Bryke, the netflix adaptation will suck for whatever their favorite reason happens to be. Cue a bunch of useless speculation about the reasons for their departure and assumptions that Bryke must have put their foot down about Awful Things that netflix wanted to do with the series. 

And I mean, sure, maybe there were actual ~problematic~ things that pushed them to leave. That’s possible, and maybe even likely. 

But what I find annoying as shit is that I’ll bet a huge majority of these people throwing a fit over Bryke’s departure were the same people who turned their nose up at Bryke for not doing as good a job as they thought Bryke should have done on LoK, whining about how Bryke must actually suck as writers/storytellers bc ~if LoK had the same staff of writers that worked on ATLA, it would have been amazing~ and just. Generally bashing and condemning Bryke. Which, obviously people are welcome to think LoK sucks for whatever reasons they like, but that doesn’t mean they get to fucking riot over it and suddenly become hostile toward people who, five seconds ago, were being praised and hailed. 

So, they all turn their backs on Bryke and insist that Bryke is Bad, but now that Bryke left the live-action adaptation, people wanna be upset about that and suddenly act like they didn’t just spend the last decade slinging shit about Bryke being Bad whatever reason? Make up your damn minds. Either you respect their work and their vision and accept their flaws as human beings, or you don’t. Either you think Bryke is what makes or breaks a good story, or you don’t. Either you believe their involvement is critical to a show being Good, or you don’t.

Obviously, OBVIOUSLY the beauty that was ATLA was not created soley by Bryke. They had a vision, and they had a team of amazing people to help bring that vision to life. That’s not unusual. That’s not cheating. That’s just HOW IT WORKS. That’s how Beyonce works. That’s how James Cameron works. That’s how Christopher Nolan works. That’s how all of these large-scale creative projects work, and claiming that Bryke ~isn’t all that~ is as meaningless as claiming that literally any other successful creator or performer ~isn’t all that.~ None of them are ~all that~ without gifted people supporting them. And no matter how amazing somebody is at something, sometimes they’re going to not quite hit the mark. It doesn’t suddenly mean that they were never talented. It doesn’t mean that all the great things they were part of before somehow don’t count anymore, or that it must have been solely other people’s work that made it great. 

It’s just. Fucking dumb and it honestly offends me as a writer/storyteller when people hold these ridiculous black-or-white and entitled opinions about creators and their work, as if building an entire world and filling it up with character and story and emotion isn’t a deeply personal endeavor on the part of the creators (AND THEIR TEAMS, DUH). I promise you that whatever your favorite show/movie/game/whatever means to you is not even a FRACTION of what it means to the people who actually built it from the ground up. I promise. 

And lastly???

I literally do not care about Bryke having ~mocked~ Zutara. It honestly still baffles me to this day that anyone at all ever brought theirself to be upset about something so dumb. If you get all up in your feelings because anyone at all says anything remotely not flattering about your ~ship~ then you really just need to grow up. It’s not that serious. Like jeez, even as a kid I knew it wasn’t even close to being a big deal. ~oh nooooo someone thinks the hypothetical fictional relationship I’m enamored with is dumb.~ PLEASE. 

I ALSO do not care about katara allegedly ~being reduced to a trophy wife.~ Sorry, but when it comes to the continuation of storylines, sometimes your favorite characters are going to get left behind. It’s disappointing, but it doesn’t suddenly make the people who chose a different path ~bad writers.~ It means they had a different vision from the one you hoped for. Tough, but you’re not entitled to a damn thing. You’re not entitled to a certain kind of Katara or a certain kind of Toph or anyone. It’s not up to you to choose which characters get elaborated on and which ones don’t. TV shows have a limited amount of ttime and money and resources. They have to pick and choose what to cram into a tiny time slot. They do their best, but they cannot satisfy everyone. You’re free to not like it. But it’s honestly ridiculous to go so far as to be angry at anyone over it.

It just. Really offends me as a writer when people have the fucking gall to claim to love something while showing not one single ounce of respect for ALL of the people without whom the beloved thing would have never existed. ALL of them, with all of their flaws and imperfections and shortcomings. 

Feel how you feel about whatever you want to feel it about, but you don’t have to shit on anyone to do that. You don’t have to disrespect someone else’s vision because the story they made wasn’t the exact one you wanted. 

[theasylumchild]

I don’t really think anyone is going to read this, but I need to get it out there and I have family who follow all my other social media accounts.

My parents just flat out don’t get it. They have been shirking the corona virus requirements since day 1. They have been out to dinner multiple times and go to their tennis club every day where no one wheres a mask. They claim there is social distancing at the club but every time we drop them off or pick them up, no one has a mask and groups of people are sitting right next to each other.

My older sister, we’ll call her Emma, and I are the only ones in my family who seem to take it seriously. Tonight was our grandmother’s 80th birthday so even though we thought it was a bad, not safe idea, Emma and I sucked it up for our grandmother and went out to dinner. We wore masks the entire time, only taking it off to insert food in our mouth, then put it back on as we’re chewing. We were judged by the rest of the family for not taking them off.

Emma and I start having low key panic attacks the moment we see how many people are at the restaurant, not wearing masks and all that jazz. I calm mine down pretty quickly, but something you should know about Emma is she has severe asthma to the point where if she gets a cold, she will get a chest infection. She will die if she gets corona. I have no doubt that if she catches this virus, she will die.

Emma’s panic attack gets worse and our younger sister, we’ll call her Bailey, who has Down Syndrome and cannot fully grasp the situation, laughs at Emma when she closed her eyes to try and calm herself. Bailey has been causing trouble all night and our parents have far more patience for her. Mom suggests Emma take her mask off, not fully grasping how terrified we are and why Emma isn’t feeling well.

Now Emma will be the first to admit that she probably was in the wrong when she snapped at our grandfather for putting the light in an obnoxious spot after he had been asked not to put it there, but after she did, my mom, dad and grandmother all jumped on Emma. Dad says some shit and basically tells Emma to leave.

I know Emma shouldn’t have snapped at them, but my parents have always had an infinitesimal fraction of patience for Emma and I compared to the amount they have for Bailey. It did not need to spiral like that and get so out of hand that our dad forced her to leave. That was bullshit.

It makes me so angry that our parents don’t understand the gravity of corona virus, nor will they take the time to actually listen to us. Every time Emma and I make a comment about it, it always turns into a fight because they take it so personally. I just want to grab them and scream that Emma WILL DIE if she catches this virus. They told me Emma had to “just get over it and suck it up for granny’s birthday”. No she fucking doesn’t. She’s allowed to be terrified. If my parents stopped for one second to think about what they put her through, they wouldn’t have snapped back at her like that. I argued with my mom, telling her Emma would die if she got the virus and her only response was “so will Granny”. NO FUCKING DUH. 

None of us should be at a restaurant. My parents shouldn’t have thrown Bailey a graduation party and invited four other families there. They shouldn’t be sending Bailey to boarding school, period, but they’re also ignoring the fact she should be quarantined for 2 weeks before she goes back to school. And while this is a separate issue stemming from all the parenting mistakes my parents made because of Bailey’s down syndrome, but they need to have more patience with their two eldest. Bailey always gets her outbursts excused. She does need more leeway, but that doesn’t mean Emma and I should have less.

[ellana-ravenwood]

“Wanna join ?” 1/2 - Jason Todd x Reader x Roy Harper (Erotica)

Well. Well well well. At first I wrote this story much like the other polyamory one I have (Batman x Reader x Superman, you can find it there :Three parts of a whole , it’s also EROTICA), where it was cute and all and then I was like...”Wait, this doesn’t fit all that at all, it’s not that easy, not that sweet”, and ended up writing this instead. Which ended up being SO FUCKING LONG that I divided it into two parts...I’m very unsure about this story, so I’m hope you’ll like it, and as usual, feedbacks are very welcomed : 

FINISHED SERIES : PART 2

IMPORTANT WARNING : THIS IS EROTICA ! THIS IS NOT FOR YOU IF YOU ARE UNDERAGED, I GODDAMN MEAN IT. Like there’s cute and sweet feelings in the mix, but also...smut, so if you’re not 18 or more, or if you’re not comfortable with that sort of things etc etc, this story ain’t for you. I have tons of other very SFW story, for averyone to read, and if you wanna check those out instead, it’s right here, on My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives.

_________________________________________________

At first...At first it was just fun.

Nothing serious.

He was used to purely physical relationships. In fact, this kind of relationships always been his kind of relationship !! 

Just some fun, no string attach. Just pleasure.

Yup. 

Only, it was all fun and game...Until someone got hurt. 

“It started as a bit of fun, how did it end up like this ?”

It was hard for him not to quote that famous The Killers’ song, because oh man was he full of jealousy, and oh man was it...complicated. 

Because he wanted her. 

Because he wanted him. 

But he could never have neither of them, at least not the way he truly wanted. 

Not the way his heart craved. 

He couldn’t fall asleep with them. Hold their hands. Tell them he loved them when he felt like it. Cuddle whenever he wanted to. Kiss them freely...

Oh for fuck’s sake, why did he have to fall in love with two people at the same time ?! Two people who, furthermore, were actually in love with each others, dating seriously for the past three years ?! 

Two people who were his best friends ? Best friends who were DATING EACH OTHERS !

And what was his place in all that ? 

Well sometimes, he just happened to fuck them. 

But there was no further feelings (except for a deep friendship). It was just fun for them. He was adding some spice to their relationship, nothing more. 

And it felt comfortable, because he was their best friend, you know ? 

They felt safe, sharing with him all their kinks, and inviting him into it, but again, only to spice things up. To max out the pleasure. 

It was all fun and game until someone got hurt...And why did said someone always had to be him ?! 

Jason Todd sighed, “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers stuck in his head. Even if his case wasn’t quite the same than the one in the song. 

Because him ? He wasn’t jealous of just one person, but two. 

His two best friends, whom his stupid ass fell for. The both of them ! At the same time ! 

But he could never have her. 

And he could never have him. 

Her and him. 

You and Roy. 

Who had been dating for over three years. Who were genuinely in love. And who happened, sometimes, to let him join in when you were having sex...

But for you, it was just fun. 

He was almost just a sex toy really, there to please you physically, but never having the after care. Never having...the warmth. 

It was all fun and game until someone got hurt. 

************

It happened kinda suddenly, one day. 

It was around 7 pm and you all had had an awful day. 

Literally nothing went your way. 

Jason fought with his dad again, and it always upsetter him to no end, when it happened. Despite what he liked to claim loud and clear, his father was actually extremely important for him, and fighting with him always tore a hole in his heart. And turned him into an angsty teenager...

Roy fought with Oliver again too...And was down for quite the same reason Jay was. 

And you ? You had the shittiest day at work, your boss being King of the Assholes (Jay and Roy made you laugh when they asked if you wanted them to beat his ass). You spilled your coffee, you forgot your umbrella while it was pouring outside, you missed your bus...You didn’t fight with any of your loved one, but your mood wasn’t any better than the two men. 

Usually, when one of you didn’t feel too good, you’d cheer him or her up by going out somewhere. Watching a stupid horror movie while eating snacks perhaps. Or anything really, to take their mind off of it. 

But if all three of you felt bad ? 

Well no matter the time, you’d get shit faced ! 

And here you were, all three of you, drunk out of your mind, whining about your day and taking shots whenever you did so. 

-I love you guys ! 

Roy blurted out after complaining about his “ex”-mentor for ten minutes straight, while you and Jason listened, downing shots of Jagërbombs every time the phrase “Oliver is an asshole” dropped. 

Roy continued : 

-At least I know what to expect with you ! I know you won’t betray me ! I know you’ll always be there ! 

The archer threw his arms around yours and Jason’s shoulders, and repeated a heartfelt “I love you guys !” which made both of you smile widely...

Furthermore, it always made Jay’s day when you or Roy said things like that. 

Even though you had been dating for a long time now...things (almost) didn’t change. Of course, sometimes you kissed in front of him, and nowadays, you held hands while walking HOWEVER, most of the time, you made sure to include Jason. 

He was your best friend to you both, he was important, oh so important, and you’d never EVER make him feel like he was third wheeling. Like he wasn’t “part of the group” anymore. 

Whenever you guys hung out, whenever you went the three of you somewhere together...you acted just as before. Just best friends hanging out with each other, and so Jason always felt like he belonged. 

...Maybe the problem started there. Before anything more even happened. You were almost always together, Jay was in someway part of this relationship...

No. This was just, already at that time, wishful thinking on Jason’s part ! He knew it. You were just...Two amazing friends who would never leave him alone because now, you were dating each other. 

That was it. 

You two were just fucking amazing friends ! 

Friends that it would be amazing to fuck...Jason shook his head. He always had weird thoughts when he was drunk ! But still, he would love to just turn you around and...

Roy gave him a good way to change his dangerous train of thoughts as he, after kissing you deeply and saying a heartfelt “I love you so much (Y/N)”, landed a noisy kiss on his lips. 

Roy had the terrible habit to kiss his close friends on the lips, when he was drunk...at first, it made you incredibly jealous, until you realized he always kissed you deeply when he landed just quick pecks on others...until you realized he kissed them much in the same way you use to kiss your parents on the lips when you were a small kid, it was just affectionate, with no further intent behind than showing said affection in its purest form. Like a toddler would kiss his mom and dad...

Jay kissed back for the fraction of second Roy’s lips were on his, and felt a little tang in his heart as the archer pulled away too quickly (where the fuck did this thought come from ?! He swore his drunk mind was just so weird sometimes...). 

Roy, a stupid drunken smile on his face, said to Jay (while you were finishing your drink on his other side) : 

-I really love you man. 

Jason smiled too, of that hazy and pure smile you have when you’re drunk, and answered : 

-I know. I do too. 

Roy kept going :

-Nah, you don’t get it ! I really, REALLY love you ! 

-I knooooow ! I do tooooooo !

There was a few seconds of silence where the two men just stared at each others quite intensely, and Jason suddenly felt the urge to kiss his friend again, and felt himself lean forward, and Roy wasn’t pulling back and he was really going to kiss him...just as you spilled a drink on yourself and yelled a loud “Fucking fuck !” that attracted both their attention. 

They turned to you, and were met with the cute sight of your pouting, and being covered in...What was it ? Roy sniffed...Vodka and coke ? Where you trying to make yourself a little cocktail ? 

In any case, you failed miserably and spilled everywhere and were now cursing like a sailor. Like a very angry sailor. 

Only the loud laughter of Roy and Jay stopped your string of profanities. You turned to them menacingly, and removed your boyfriend’s arm that was still around your shoulder. 

You were about to sternly scold them, because it wasn’t nice to mock a friend in need, and lifted your hand to threateningly point at them...but this action made your shirt move, and before you knew it, you were pouting again, grimacing, and whining : 

-Ewwwwww ! I’m so stickyyyyyyy !! 

You looked like a kid (alcohol always tend to reverse you back into childhood a little bit), and as you were shaking your body as if trying to get rid of the liquid you poured on you, the boys couldn’t stop but laugh again. Their laughter surely increased by the amount of alcohol running in their veins right now...

-Guyyyyyyys ! Don’t be such meanies ! 

As their laugh subsided, Roy gave you a look that he reserved only for you, a look full of fondness and love that made Jason’s heart tighten (damn drunk thoughts again !). 

Roy lifted your chin and kissed you sweetly. Just the way Jay wanted to kiss you, too (why was he thinking that ?! But...your lips looked so soft). 

Roy said : 

-You should go change sweatheart, and maybe get some sleep. You had a tough day...

You looked deeply in Roy’s eyes, and kissed him again (and Jason would have given anything he owned to be kissed by you like that...). 

-I’m not tired. 

You said, still a bit pouty, and obviously not wanting to leave them. You turned to Jay for support, but he just looked at you fondly and shook his head. Him too, thought you should go to bed (and damn he wished he could tuck you in).  

You sighed. And moved to put your glass back on the floor (the three of you were sitting on the floor, back against the couch), and this movement alone made you cringe once more, as you felt your sticky shirt cling to you. 

Your tongue darted out of your lips on its own, in disgust (and Jason had to use all the strength in him not to jump on you and chase after said tongue). 

Yes. Ok. It was all gross. 

Maybe you did need a shower and then some sleep. But as you got to your feet...your entire being tipped forward and only thanks to Roy and Jason’s incredible reflexes were you saved from landing heavily on the glass table. 

Jason sighed in relief (had had been so afraid you were about to get seriously hurt) as he slowly let go of you to leave you in Roy’s arm, albeit his heart was screaming to never let go of you...

With a soft smile that, again, he only reserved to you, and that made Jason so jealous...Roy said : 

-Need some help, maybe, princess ? 

You nodded carefully, feeling a little light headed. Maybe you drank too much...

************

Jason watched you and Roy leave with a longing look. Even if his friend told him he’d come back in a few minutes, the Red Hood couldn’t stop his heart from beating painfully. 

And watching you and Roy leave reminded him of two particular moments in his life, that he wished he had listened to said heart.  

The first time was years ago, when Roy saved him and they almost kissed. Jay couldn’t take out of his head that if he had make that little step forward, he would have been the one in your place right now. 

The second time was three years ago, just before you got with Roy. The three of you had been friends for a long time by that time, and you and Jay were watching a film while Roy was away on some Arrow affairs. If he had make a move that night, he knew...He just knew he would be in Roy’s position right now. 

Only he didn’t, did he ? He never dared to kiss any of you and risk this friendship that was so important to him. In a way...In a way he knew it was better like that. Because if he had gotten with Roy, or with you, what would he have done about all this pent up desire he had for the other one ?! 

...Jason sighed. 

As far as he remembered, he always knew he was bisexual. When he asked Bruce if it was normal, if he wasn’t a freak, the man answered that it was completely natural. 

That it happened. Some people just liked to have more options...Jason remembered Bruce said that with a chuckle, and then proceeded to tell him that he too, was bisexual. 

The good old days where Jason didn’t die yet, and him and Bruce were close, oh so close...Close enough for his adopted father to explain to him that nothing was wrong with him. That he was just like that, and that was it. That he wasn’t a freak and anyone who said otherwise was just an ass and that... 

Jason shook his head. His bisexuality, and the way his father handled it was another story, for another time. His problem right now, wasn’t his sexual orientation...Or rather, it kind of was. 

Because only when he met you and Roy did he discover that he wasn’t just bisexual, but that he might be what the internet called “polyamory”...Because what were those strong feelings he had for the BOTH of you ? The jealousy he always felt when seeing you ? The...He shook his head again. 

It was his drunk mind talking once more. 

Jason chuckled to himself. It was often like that. When he was drunk, his libido went through the roof (which apparently was unusual), and every single secret desire he ever had got out and swam all around his brain. 

He didn’t ACTUALLY want to be with Roy or you. His drunk self just wanted to...fuck you guys’ brains out, to put it simply. 

He didn’t ACTUALLY wanna be stuck in a relationship, oh no. That wasn’t Jason Todd’s style. Jason liked to be free, and to do whatever (and whoever) he wanted. He could never be in a steady relationship. 

And in a way, he really was polyamory, he guessed. Because fuck, he couldn’t just love one person for the rest of his life. Two though...two...special people...

No. 

Jason wasn’t in love with his best friends. 

He was just confusing love and a deep friendship. After all, they were really close. And he loved them, but not in that “I wanna get married and have babies with you, and live just with you for the rest of my life” way. No. In that “I’d die for you, because you’re all I’ve got sometimes” way. 

Deep friendship. Love, but not love love. 

It was just a bit confusing because he also wanted to sleep with them. After all, you and Roy were both incredibly attractive, at least to him. Plus,he knew you two. You were great. Funny. Caring. Loving...Who wouldn’t wanna fuck y’all ? 

Chuckling to himself again, he downed his last drink for the day and got on his feet. Enough thinking frustrating thoughts for today...

He was about to go to his bedroom but for that, he had to walk in front of yours and Roy’s and...sounds coming from it attracted his attention. 

He stopped in front of it and...How long has he been thinking about this all wanting to fuck his best friends thing ? Apparently, long enough that you both had time to take a shower, and now where enjoying each other. 

Were enjoying each other very much, actually. 

Jason couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol, or his most recent thoughts that pushed him to do what he was about to do...but what was sure is that he did it. 

In his foggy mind at the time, he wanted to prank you. 

Open your door suddenly, jumping in and scaring you two. 

Only things didn’t quite happen like he thought it would. 

He did kick in your door, and you and Roy did jump in surprise but...Then, he didn’t go out of the room like he initially planned, and just stared at you and Roy for a few seconds. 

He couldn’t tear his eyes away. 

Roy was sitting on the side of your bed, and you were straddling him...his manhood very clearly entirely inside you. And before you two jumped in surprise, Jason had had a glimpse at you vigorously bouncing on him...

And here he was, stuck. Not able to move. Holding his breath.

Your arms were around Roy’s neck, and his hands were laid on your hips, marks of his fingers and tongue and mouth already appearing in small bruises on your thighs and whatnot. 

You and Roy were so stunned that you didn’t do anything either, and all your minds were still so hazy because of the alcohol...

Besides, there was a strangely extremely attractive and arousing thing in the way Jason was staring at you two. You felt Roy twitch inside you, and knew it was for the same reason that you got suddenly even wetter...

It lasted only literally a few seconds, a glimpse of an instant...but things happened. 

Your eyes travelled down to Jason’s crotch, as his boner was getting impossible to miss, and then finally, went back to Roy. 

Your boyfriend was staring at his friends with a weird spark in his eyes, and you knew that right now, if you asked...if you asked then they’d both say yes. 

You turned to Jason and, unable to hide a mischievous and sultry smile, and not really understanding why you were doing it, you said, sensually : 

-Wanna join ? 

Jason knew it was a fucking bad idea. Because right now, you two were very clearly completely fogged by your drunken mind and arousal. You two were too much into it to actually mean it. 

Jason knew it was a fucking bad idea, that if he did that right now, with you two...things would never be the same. At least for him. 

Jason knew it was a fucking bad idea, but faced with both your hungry faces...Well, didn’t his father always say he had a knack for always having bad fucking ideas ? 

Roy was gently pushing his hips upward again as Jason slowly approached you and him. Pushing himself in and out of you with slow languid movement, so that you could feel everything, as his best friend walked towards the two of you... 

There was something, deep inside the archer, that was unfolding. He knew he should say something. Stop this while he still could. Not allow Jason to come in...But he couldn’t. 

Because he wanted this. He thought it was extremely hot. After all, him and Jason talked multiple times about their bisexuality and who wouldn’t want to fuck a guy like Jason Todd ? He was a total stud. 

It would all have been fine if...If it weren’t for you. 

Because he loves you, so much it hurt. He loves you with all his being, and he knew you and Jason were almost a thing once, before he swept you away. 

And this...this thing that was happening, it could be fucking dangerous. It could mean he would loose you, and Jason at the same time, because...Because Roy loves you too much to ever forgive Jason if he stole you away from him. 

And yet. Yet he couldn’t stop it, as he thrusted in and out of you. He couldn’t stop himself from looking at Jason walking ever so slowly toward you...

He wanted it. He wanted Jason to join, and the alcohol inhibited his fear of loosing you. Of loosing Jay. 

The alcohol and his desire right now...made him forget that what was about to happen could ruin your friendship forever. 

As for you...Well you, you couldn’t think straight. 

Your amazingly skilled boyfriend was fucking into you with expert movements, and the man you used to have a MASSIVE crush on was walking slowly towards you with a MASSIVE boner. 

Plus, you were super drunk, and really needed to forget about your awful day...

You all needed to forget about your awful day. 

And maybe this, plus the alcohol, plus the intense arousal and every pent up secret feelings during all those years (that none of you were actually aware of)...Maybe this is why it happened the first time. 

************

And Jason was next to you now, unsure of what to do...Which was alright, because you took matter in your own hands. Quite literally. 

Roy was kissing your neck and fucking you slowly as to leave a tiny bit of sense into you still. As to not completely make you black out with pleasure, so you could take care of Jason, maybe ? 

Roy was kissing your neck but his eyes were on Jason. On your hands reaching slowly to the zipper of his pant. 

Automatically, Jason lifted his shirt with one hand, revealing a well tone stomach and damn the man was in shape. But you knew that already...His other hand was left to just stay there, on the side of his body, limp. 

Jason’s eyes, just like Roy’s, were now fixed on your hands. And even if he desperately wanted to, he didn’t dare reaching for your cheek and brushing tender fingers of that free hand on them. 

Just...Just in case Roy changed his mind. 

Jason didn’t dare being too affectionate with you, or with Roy for that matter, afraid one of you would tell him to get the fuck out because he went too far. 

This all thing was obviously just sexual. Nothing more. 

And Jason didn’t want to have an inappropriate gesture towards any of you, and get kicked out before the fun could truly happen. 

Still bouncing softly on Roy, you opened Jason’s pants and slowly pulled his dick free...All of your actions were slow and careful. 

Yours. Roy’s. Jason’s. 

You weren’t too sure about all this, but you all knew you wanted it. And so you were more careful than you ever been with partners before. 

Jason had plenty of threesomes. With two women. A man and a woman. Two men. Hell, he even had more than threesomes sometimes but this...Was different. 

He had been invited to something intimate, even if he still felt it was just sex. 

But it wasn’t just sex was it ? Because it was sex with his best friends, who he had been lusting after for years. At least for him, and probably for him only, this meant something...Which is why the moan he let out when you wrapped a hand around his shaft was so intense. Was coming from deep within him. 

Said moan, gruffed out in his deep and sexy voice, made Roy twitch inside you again, and filled you with a desire you never knew even existed. With dirty thoughts that would have make you blush if you weren't too full of needs. 

You slowly jerked Jason off, with your soft finger that drove him completely nuts. He took in a sharp intake of air, and his head fell backward. 

He felt silly. Embarrassed. You were just giving him a stupid hand job, it shouldn’t make him feel such intense things ! He had thousands of hand jobs, and they weren’t a thing he liked particularly that much...

He lifted his shirt all the way to his mouth, and bit it so he wouldn’t moan that loudly again, hand clutched on the fabric of the shirt...His other hand still staying limply on his side. 

You picked up the pace, just as Roy picked it up too as he lifted his hips faster to reach deep into you.

It was now your turn to moan, and man, you were never known to hold back. The sound of your voice made Roy smile, and Jason's dick jolt in your hand. 

Roy exchanged a look with Jay, and they both smirked. It was intimate, in a way. Two friends sharing something important. Two friends knowing how the other felt...

But did they truly know ? Right now, nothing was sure. 

Except for the fact that Roy was fucking you harder and harder, that your hand tightened around Jason’s shaft, and that Jason was just going completely crazy over a stupid hand job. 

Roy grunted as he pushed you down on his length with more force, and it was too much for you...your hands let go of Jason and dig into your boyfriend’s shoulder, as you cried out loudly. 

But even if Jason’s pleasure was cut short all of a sudden, he didn’t feel frustrated one bit, looking at your face as Roy fucked into you. 

The archer was gripping your hair, and his hand on your thigh was making marks, and your short breath and his growls, and...and...Jason’s dick twitched in the air once more, and it caught your eyes. 

You couldn’t leave him like that. And through your pleasure, you still thought about your best friend, about this man so important to you...

You wrapped one hand around his length once more, and let the power of Roy’s thrust do the rest. It was enough that it made your hand move on its own. And once again, Jason bit hard on his shirt and his head fell backward as a guttural moan was stuck in his throat. 

Roy too, couldn’t help but being vocal by now, as his dick went in and out of you and...soon enough he made you come. Oh he made you come so hard, as he knew you so well and knew exactly which spot to hit each time. 

You bit his shoulder so you wouldn’t scream too loudly, and your neighbor wouldn’t call the police on you (again, after all, you weren’t really living in a nice neighborhood and your screams could be suspicious). 

This made Roy groan in pleasure, a sound that drove Jason wild. And the way your pussy tightened around Roy...the way Jason bit on his shirt while holding his gaze...The way your hand was jerking Jay off furiously...It send Roy over the edge quickly. 

You guys had sex since long enough that you both knew it was safe to not use protection, and as Roy’s warm seed sprayed inside you, coating your walls, you mewled again as he prolonged your orgasm...

Jason decided that mewls from you were now his favorite sound, and a hazy looked filled his eyes as you didn’t stop massaging him.

It felt so right right now. You and Roy had a fucked out look on your face, and seemed so satisfied. And you looked at him in such a way, and your hand felt so fucking good and... 

Without even realizing it, making it impossible for him to warn you, Jason came. 

Hard. 

Harder than ever before for a simple hand job. 

His stomach muscles tightened, giving you and Roy an amazing view of said muscles, and his dick twitched twice in your hand as his own sperm bursted out on your face in warm spurt, as he moaned sexily, deeply. 

...

Jason froze. 

Your face was covered in his semen. Roy’s face was unreadable. Your hand was still wrapped around his now limp dick. His own hands were frozen on the side of his body, not knowing what to do...

Fuck. He couldn’t believe he just did that. That he just came in your fucking face. Without any warnings. So rude...

He finally dared to look down on you, with an apologetic look and...You were licking around your mouth. A thoughtful expression on your face as if you were trying to determine if he tasted good or not. 

And Roy...Roy’s eyes were still fixed on him, and then on you, travelling back and forth with still this unreadable expression...until he finally broke the silence by saying : 

-That was...Too hot. I’m...hard again. Let’s do it again ? 

This took Jason by utter surprise. He was sure that Roy was going to kick him out of the room for cumming in your face...But he was now proposing to “keep going” ? This made Jason hard again too, and you smiled hazily. 

Oh yes. Yes let’s not stop there. 

And this is how it happened. 

How your little friendS with benefit things started. 

On a drunken night...But if you were all honest, as soon as you all came that first time, you were all sober again, and the way you kept fucking each other all through the night was a total conscious choice. 

************

After that, Jason kept convincing himself that this was just like any other sexual relations he had. Just fun. Nothing more. 

And yet...Yet he found himself only having sex with you two nowadays. 

You guys didn’t set any rules in the bedroom. Actually, the only rule that existed, was that anything happening in the bedroom...Stayed in the bedroom. 

At day, you all acted as if nothing ever happened. Still acting like best friends. Totally normal. As if you never slept all together. 

But when you reached the bedroom...oh. There really was no rules. A safe word, yes (watermelon), in case one of you felt uncomfortable but...it was never used. No matter what. 

In the bedroom, Jason was allowed to kiss you, on the lips and anywhere else. To make out with you, and to take you guys in any way he wanted. You’d let him (he was often the most dominant one). 

You wanted him to. But every time it was over, and you’d all be spend...Jason “had to” go. You never actually talked about it but..You and Roy were dating. And you were having fun with Jason, but nothing more. 

It was just fun. 

Jason felt like he had no right to be there for the aftercare...because he wasn’t...This wasn’t...

It wasn’t love. It was just sex. 

************

And yet. Yet over the months of this little friendS with benefit thing going on, Jason started to feel things. 

Things he never felt before, or that he always ignored (which is why he wasn’t the one dating you, or Roy). 

Things that scared the hell out of him, but that were harder and harder to ignore. 

Things that...hurt him. 

Because it was all fun and game until someone got hurt. 

It was fun, to have contest to know which one out of him and Roy were eating you out the best (it was a tied, you were too out of your mind with the two orgasms they gave you to choose). Which one sucked dick the best, too (you won there). 

Or how far you could go. What crazy position you could try. How to all be pleased at the same time. To not forget one. 

It was fun, to take you two however he wanted. That you’d let him but...The more things happened, the more he realized that what he ended up liking more during those sex sessions, were your kisses. Your touch. 

When Roy dig his nails in his back, when you tangle your hands in his hair, when he kisses your neck, when his tongue wraps around yours, when Roy caresses his thighs....More than sex, he craved your presence, for the semblance of love it gave him. For the fake affection. 

Of course, you both loved him. You were his best friends...But you didn’t care for him as much as he started to care for you two. 

You weren’t like him. You were...exclusive. And sure, you let him enter your sex life, but it didn’t mean anything further than that. 

Sex. 

You were both monogamous, he knew because you talked about it a few times...All this, for you two, was really just fun. And who to do it with better than with your best friend ? Whom you trusted fully and utterly ? 

And there were those nights, when you were both in a romantic mood, both lovey dovey where...You wouldn’t invite Jason to join you. 

And oh he hated himself whenever he waited expectantly for you to say those words that became precious to him : “wanna join ?”. 

He felt so stupid, hoping for more each time. And yet leaving every time you all couldn’t go further anymore, leaving when you were all spend. 

Leaving on shaky legs because he just had the most mind blowing sex of his life, even if what he was doing with you, he did before...

And through all those new feelings and sensations he had...He just couldn’t hide anymore. Couldn’t hold it in. 

It was too much. He couldn’t go on. And even if he might loose you two...anything was better than all this frustration and pain. All this love he couldn’t actually give you, and had to settle with giving you briefly during sex. 

Actually, at this point, in his mind, he wasn’t fucking you two anymore. He was making love to you. And you didn’t even notice the difference in his actions...How would you notice anyway ? For you, it was just sex with him. 

You were making love to each other. 

You were fucking him. 

But he couldn't handle it anymore...He just couldn’t. He had to say something. He would risk it all right now, because it became so unbearable. 

************

He thought that you would be the most understanding out of the two of you. 

Not that Roy wasn’t an understanding man but...He just felt like maybe you would get him better. You wouldn’t push him away right away, you’d have more tact and such. You’d be nicer. 

And so he started with you. 

Roy was suppose to come home soon, which was perfect. It allowed Jason to prepare for everything. 

You and him were sitting at the kitchen’s table, drinking some coffee when he finally dove in. He started carefully by saying : 

-Hey, (Y/N), if I...if I told you a secret I never told anyone before, would you hate me ? 

You looked up from your coffee cup, a bit surprised as it wasn’t Jason’s style to say something like that...He usually never really cared about what people thought of him. With a smile you wanted reassuring, you said : 

-Oh Jay, I could never hate you no matter what. Except if you’re about to tell me you don’t like Harry Potter. You know we can’t be friend if you don’t like Harry Potter..

Jason felt a bit more relaxed...You always had that effect on him. He always felt safe with you. Which is probably why he kept going : 

-No it’s not about that it’s...It’s actually about you. 

-About me ? 

You were now curious. 

And this look on you...Jason always loved it. 

It made you look even more beautiful than usual. The way your eyebrows would lift, and your mouth would turn in that shape...It made him want to kiss you, and before he could stop himself, his lips were on yours. 

This wasn’t how he wanted things to unfold. It wasn’t how he wanted to tell you but...Since you kissed back, maybe it was the right way to do things ? 

He had had a plan, where he would explain his feelings to you first, then to Roy, in the hope you’d understand. In the crazy hope that maybe you’d feel the same, or at least help him figuring everything out. 

He had a plan but it all went away as he saw that curious look on your face. It made him weak int he knees, that face...and he just had to kiss you. 

He pulled away, and smiled at your cute shocked (but not angry) expression as he whispered : 

-I love you. 

-J...Jay ? What do you mean ? What are you...What ?

-I mean I love you. You and...

But he was never able to finish his sentence, as a fist violently encountered his face. He flew backward and fell heavily on the floor. His vision blurry by the sheer force of the punch, he tried to figure out what just happened...

-How dare you ?! 

Roy. That was Roy’s voice. Was he home already ? Jason couldn’t think, that right hook really messed his head up...

-I trusted you ! I fucking trusted you with everything I had ! 

What was he talking about ? Jason tried to stand up, but he couldn’t. He faintly heard your voice in the background, but mainly heard what Roy said. 

-I was afraid it might happened, but always felt guilty I’d have such thought because...I trusted you. You were the only one I trusted. The one I was so sure would never...would never...

The way Roy’s voice broke made Jason’s heart break. The archer continued : 

-I never thought you’d do that to me. How could you ? HOW COULD YOU JAY ?! You know what I feel for her, you know I’d rather die than...than...How could you ? ...I...I trusted you...

Roy’s voice ended in a whisper, and Jason still couldn’t stand up, still couldn’t explain himself. His mouth felt weird, the taste of copper filling it. Blood. His blood...

He’d never thought Roy would ever draw his blood on purpose. And yet...Yet here they were. 

But even if Jason’s mind was blurry with pain and confusion, a little voice in his head resonated and understood. Of course. 

He walked in on Jason kissing you. On him telling you he loved you. And didn’t hear the end. Didn’t hear that he was about to say “I love you and Roy”, and to try and explain the mess of his feelings. 

All Roy saw, was him kissing you, and saying he loved you. 

All Roy felt, was the utter betrayal of his best friend trying to steal the love of his life away...

Jason didn’t understand everything that happened next, but he heard you call out to Roy. He felt you kneel beside him and tell him you’d be right back, but that you had to run after your boyfriend. 

For some reason, Jason’s eyes filled with tears...He was half-unconscious because of the punch, and his brain didn’t want  to work properly, but he understood one thing. 

He just ruined the one good thing in his life. He just ruined his relationship with Roy, and with you. 

And when you came back in your shared apartment, and you said : “He’s gone. I don’t know where he went...” and you went to lock yourself in your room, without even checking on Jason further than that, checking if he was alright...

Jason knew he fucked up. 

Why didn’t he just followed his plan ? Why didn’t he just explained his feelings instead of kissing you in the spur of the moment, and blurting out he loved you ? Why didn’t he calmly explained everything instead of having such a poor self-control ? Why ? 

************

After that episode, you guys don’t see each other for months. 

All too heartbroken to talk. All too angry to listen to an explanation. 

After that episode, you all move out of that apartment you shared for years, and you don’t talk or see each other for months. 

After that episode, you’re just a third of what you used to be...

To be continued...

__________________________________________________

Hope you liked this. I can’t re-read it without cringing so...yeah. Hope it was alright, and it’s just my insecurities kicking in. Thanks very much for reading, as usual, feedbacks = life. And...Yup, see you soon with part two of this, with even more filth. Like an actual full on sex scene, not just what was above. I had to reserve some extra dirtiness for later ya know. 

[fingernails4cashdotcom]

It's 2019. Stop spreading survey scams. We're better than that.

Ok, look, I went through my survey scam phase too. Like 3 years ago. I had never been exposed to them before, and I was 19 or 20 years old, didn't have a job at the time either. So for someone young, dumb, and unemployed with too much spare time, seeing people talk about money online for very little effort looked enticing. So I tried it out. And to my surprise (seriously, why did I think this would work) I got ripped off and screwed over something precious that I would never get back. And that was my time. Nobody knows how much time they have in their lives. So do yourself a favor, and don't waste a second of yours on these stupid survey posts with empty promises for easy money. Get a real job. You can do it.

Do however, invest a couple minutes to read what I have to say on this.

If you are naive like I was and don't know why these posts are scams, trust me, they are. You invest a lot of time (many times upwards of half an hour) filling out these tedious TEDIOUS surveys, you have to pay close attention to the questions and answers - some would only let you choose ONE response per option and IT WOULD KNOW if you put the same answer twice (example: rate 5 different brands of cereal 1-5 with only one brand per rating). So if you tried to cheat and just click randomly, they wouldn't let you. They can cheat you but you can't cheat them, ok? Sounds fair. And if you accidentally missed anything, sometimes your progress would get erased all together on that page. In fact, you would be lucky that your survey would get submitted and accounted for at all sometimes. Yes, often times toward the end of a survey, it would either "crash", and I'd lose everything, or it would change its mind and politely inform me that I did not qualify for the survey afterall despite the fact that I was one click away from officially having filled the entire thing out and submitting my answers. You can bet my answers were saved and submitted, but they didn't want to give me my payout.

Speaking of payouts, the point systems survey scams use are a joke. You get shit for points for each survey, unless you get lucky and "qualify" for a long one worth a more reasonable amount of points and it actually gives you said points at the end. Otherwise, have fun spending hours and hours and hours trying to qualify for the right to these points, and then waiting for them to add up so you can actually get any kind of money or reward. And they always require A LOT of points for VERY LITTLE reward. I'm talking about a 500 point minimum for say, $5. And each survey would only give you..... Eh, 10 points? And they take a long time to complete, so, let me math here...

If you found a site that had 10 minute surveys which paid 10 points each, and assuming that each one you did actually worked and gave you your points, that's 10 points every 10 minutes. 10 min x 6 = 1 hour, or 6 surveys and 60 points. To reach that $5 minimum at 500 points, you'd need to do surveys for over 8 hours to get there in one day- assuming they don't have a daily survey limit which many sites do. This is also not accounting for the 5 to literally 30 minute screenings surveys do to see if you qualify (remember when I said they would decide you weren't qualified until after you were way in and had made a lot of progress? But we're pretending for da maths that you're qualified for each one). All for five bucks. That's quite a long time for a fraction of minimum wage. And every site has a different point system, some would require 1,000 points for only one dollar, but maybe they're a little more generous with how many points they dish out per survey. I don't know. Maybe not. So these "blogs" (have you ever actually clicked on one of them to check them out?) are straight up lying about making $50 in one hour or whatever they claim. Because they are spam bots - lying is what they were created to do. In fact they create hundreds of fake profiles to spread this bullshit to real unsuspecting people (take a look at the accounts in the notes sometime if you don't believe me). It would take you days, probably a couple weeks of doing survey after survey to accumulate $50. The survey sites profit off of people giving up before they ever reach a reward. If you do stick it out for some pay, good luck with the company not locking you out of your account as soon as you reach a reward payout point. It's happened to people. Look it up.

In fact, research whatever survey site you want to use before you actually use it. Look at people's testimonies. Real ones. You'll find them if you look. You'd do the same thing for a job at a company, yes? See what employees have to say about working there before applying? Know what you're getting into before investing in it, right? This is real money I'm talking about here. Money isn't free. Why do you think these posts make it look so easy? To get free surveys out of people, because only a small percentage of their users ever get paid. Survey sites aren't exempt from people calling them out for being unfair. If you take the time to look, you'll find the pissed off people, because when most normal people get screwed over, they make sure everyone else knows, to protect them and delay profits for the company. Like what I'm doing with this post. Yes, there are legitimate sites out there, but they are far and few between and still take a while to get any kind of payout. In fact, I will only vouch for one site. It was called pinecone research. It was the only truly reliable site I found. There was another one that was actually decent, but they still had way too many surveys I didn't qualify for and so I won't bother to mention them because they were still a huge waste of my time. I think I only cashed out once or twice with them. I cashed out multiple times with the one I mentioned, so it actually worked. But again, the progress was slow. And you'd be better off getting a real job.

And if you just wanted to do this on the side, then that's your choice. Although there are better side gigs. Or even just getting a hobby and building your character. But it's up to you. But I will say this; even if I've been following you for a long time, regularly reblog your content, and you reblog mine, as of this post, if I see another mass survey scam post come from your blog, I will unfollow you promptly. Other than reporting post after post, there's nothing else I can do but to spread an honest word and get that shit off my dash. So it was nice knowing you. But I'm not for seeing that shit everyday, it's 2019 this fad should be over now. We should all be smarter than to feed into this by now. Hopefully my message will be seen by those who need to see it and these stupid scams will finally be a thing of the past like they should have been already.

[putschki1969]

Hi! I totally agree with you. Sometimes I miss goth-Lolita Kalafina, but then I remember that was the image they were told to project. As the girls took more creative control upon themselves, they started to change things. I see so much criticism of Wakana's outfits and style, but that's how she wants it! Same with Hikaru wearing pants and Keiko's short skirts that some love to Photoshop. Creative industries can be so stifling to those who work in them. I want the girls to have control over 1/4

Hi there!

First of all, thank you for sharing your thoughts and taking the time to write all of this. Also, thank you for checking my blog so frequently, I truly appreciate it and I will continue to work as hard as I can to provide good content.

Now let’s get to your message: I 100% agree with everything you are saying here. For me personally, it was their “gothic” image that originally made me fall in love with them and like you I would lie if I said I didn’t sometimes miss that time. But after an intitial period of just being awed by the fancy image being presented to me I got more and more invested and started to care about the people behind the personas that were created. They weren’t just pretty nameless faces with lovely voices in gorgeous dresses singing Yuki Kajiura’s music. No, I realised that they were three amazing women with extraordinary talents, with a passion for music and an unparalleled dedication to their work. I mean, for more than ten years they worked their asses off for someone else’s vision without ever asking for anything. That’s no easy task. For me personally, they elevated YK’s music to something truly outstanding. That is why I always focus on them and not so much on YK. I would never deny that YK is a huge part of Kalafina’s success but saying that these three amazing women with three beautiful and unique voices are nothing without YK’s support is absolutely outrageous. I have seen so many people abandoning the fandom because they have no interest in following any sort of solo activities. That is truly shocking to me because it basically tells me that you didn’t care for Kalafina at all, you merely saw them as YK’s puppets, a means to bring her music to life, nothing else. I am so glad there are fans like you who have a personal investment in their happiness and success. It is not silly at all to feel that way. On the contrary, I cannot wrap my head around the fact that people could have followed Kalafina for such a long span of time and NOT feel that sort of investment. How can you not care about them as individuals after watching them perform live with so much passion, after seeing them talk about music with so much love? It’s unfathomable to me ..

I was so happy to see them get a tiny fraction of creative control in the last few years. I am not naive of course, I know that it is very hard to have control over everything when you are part of the music industry. But for almost 10 years, the members of Kalafina did not have control over anything at all because of YK’s  very controlling nature. Don’t get me wrong, I am not bashing on her or anything, that’s just how she is and she can honestly afford to be that way because she is great at what she does and people usually want her to take full control anyways. But really, working under YK for SUCH A LONG TIME, I think it was a blessing and a curse alike. For example, hearing Wakana say that she had never expected she would be able to write lyrics one day is quite astonishing. It tells me that YK hadn’t even once considered involving the girls in that process. I mean, YK has openly admitted to not really having cared about what they wanted. If you think about it, that’s pretty much the life of an idol. But unlike most idols, they didn’t “graduate” after a couple of years. They continued to be under YK’s wing way into their 30s which is very much beyond the typical lifespan of an idol. I do believe the girls feel nothing but gratitude for this opportunity, I am sure there are no regrets or anything. After all, they did achieve so much together with YK. But at the same time, so many chances and maybe some parts of their individuality got abandoned along the way.

And the worst thing is, the moment they started to insert parts of themselves, the moment they gave us glimpses of their personal visions people started to hate. I guess because they were so used to YK’s vision or the image that was created by the agency. To think that something so mundane as an outfit could cause so much negative feedback… How can you claim to love Wakana and at the same time continuously shit on her outfit choices? I mean, you don’t have to love it, you don’t have to wear it but you DO have to show some freaking respect. We all have our preferences and it’s okay to like some outfits more than others but it would never cross my mind to talk shit about Wakana’s dresses (or anyone else’s outfits for that matter…that’s just how I was raised). The same applies to the outfit choices of the other two members of course.  Or how about all those times so called fans hated on the fact that Hikaru started to sing ARIA in a different key. Like, why does it even bother you so much?? Hikaru is the lead singer of this song, it is basically HER song, if for whatever reason she wants to change the style of singing she is entitled to do that. It may not sound like the original version YK had envisioned but who cares? It has long ago become something so much bigger. Hikaru has made that song her own. It’s about HER vision and for me, that makes ARIA so much more powerful and special. For the same reason I also do not understand why so many people always complain about Keiko using her “cutesy” voice during lives. You don’t have to love it of course but at least show some respect. In that moment, Keiko chooses to express herself in such a way so why not support her decision? She is the artist and it should be up to her to sing lines in whatever way she wants to. I mean, if you can’t deal with that then what are you even doing being a fan of Kalafina?

And now that Wakana is doing solo work she has sadly become the main target for so many fans. Every move and decision is questioned. People are unhappy because their expectations weren’t met. Which baffles me because I wonder what kind of expectations they had when it came to Wakana. As you say, Wakana is a romantic at heart, she is very sensitive and slow songs are her forte so of course she would focus mainly on ballads. Yes, this album is quite understated, there is nothing overly flashy or dramatic but that doesn’t mean it’s boring or underwhelming. You just have to dig a little deeper to experience the full range of emotion. The fact alone that Wakana wrote so many of the lyrics herself makes this album extra special for me. This is her vision, this is her baby, this is a reflection of herself. I can’t even describe in words how proud I am of her. Still surprised by the amount of people who suddenly became lyric experts the moment Wakana started to write her own lyrics. “Too cheesy, too repetitive…they are ‘okay’ for a first try but she could improve on this and that…blablabla..” I don’t recall anyone ever saying ANYTHING about YK’s lyrics…it’s a real shame to see fans so critical of everything Wakana is doing…

Anyways, I think I have talked too much about this already. I also cannot wait to see what’s in store for the three of them. I want to see them grow, I want to see them follow their dreams. It’s about time they get to do that. I think it’s going to take a while since they have been pretty dependent on someone else for such a long time but gradually, they will find their way. And yes, eventually, once they have achieved everything they set out to do, they will surely reunite and it will be all the more epic because they will have grown so much as singers and women.