#and that's how it was until it wasn't-
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#'I don't know who I am'#you dumb bitch you were listening to poetry from 15+ years ago and immediately finished off a bottle of vodka#my mouth tastes like cigarette ash even though I know we didn't smoke#are you proud of yourself? are you?#Eighteen really has.... two moods. so happy and alive or not understanding why she's not dead yet#and that's how it was until it wasn't-#blagh having bad feelings about that letter that friend wrote about ... me? us? I still haven't figured out how I feel about *handwave*#'it's like a switch would flip and you'd be haunted'#about the friend that year who said I didn't have resting bitch face I had resting devastated face#joking about how *easily* my expression would flip when I realized someone was looking at me#about the poem I performed about being a ghost in my own skin#god I feel like fucking garbage right now
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still ruminating over Lost In the Book With Spooky Skeletons Part 1, so here's a selection of some of my favorite little bits! (...some more loosely paraphrased than others) (I just feel like Idia has no room to criticize in general, okay)
anyway, I'm sure we're just going to have a fun time celebrating Halloween and nothing bad is going to happen whatsoever! :)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#calling dibs on skeleton kisses as the name of my band#man scully is just a delightful little weirdo and i'm enjoying him immensely#(i'm going with scully until we get something official just because it makes me think of x-files)#(スカリー is also how the agent's name is transliterated and i don't know if it was intentional but i love it as a bonus reference)#(i want to believe™)#gosh though#'no one at school likes me because i won't shut up about halloween and jack skellington' i'm feeling VERY attacked right now twst#look scully your people are out there#just get on the forums and -- oh wait you're probably from like the 1800s or something#(my theory is that he's from the past and there's just some Book Magic going on to bring us together)#(LOOK they made a point of saying that the book fair has been held annually for a super long time)#a hot topic goth born before hot topic was invented...so sad 😔#i dunno i could be wrong but that feels like a good working theory for now#if it wasn't for mal sensing twsty ~magic~ on him i would think he's like. a christmas elf who's going to kidnap jack in a reverse-nmbc#(not ruling that out though because it would be amazing)#god all the sprites in this event look AMAZING. loving the desaturated colors and the extra drawn-on lines 😍#i'm genuinely kinda sad that we aren't gonna get to see every character like this#who knows...maybe halloweentown will be imperiled again next year...#come back and destroy my keys again please#(that said i'm doing weirdly well so far?)#(i promised i'd save for sebek and just do cursory pulls to get the SRs and not hope for the SSRs)#(...but then leona jumpscared me four coffins in anyway. halloween magic is REAL)
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charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️
#WOW WHO WOULD HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT THEYD BE MY FAVORITES. THIS TOTALLY WASNT EXPECTED. NOT AT ALL.#i have lots of persona art its just uncolored dw#doing the shujin trio next i miss them so bad☹️☹️ also i need pegoryu content to stay sane and alive#anyway they're like. actually fucking insane 💀💀💀💀#like lawlight level toxic yaoi its so absurd#like i was like damn soukoku is intense WHO ARE THESE FREAKS#WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY LIKE THIS.#ACTUALLY FUCKING INSANE. LIKE EXTREMELY MENTAL AND SICK IN THE HEAD.#AKECHI IS A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH#god they actually make me so fucking AUAUAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH#i NEED to finish royal shidos palace GUTTED ME#they were initially so funny to me bc right off the bat you can tell how much of a FREAK akechi is just paraphrasing hegel#and being so ferevently obsessed with ren its like bro why is this guy straightup dickriding us for telling him we like our eggs well done#ANYWAY their dynamic always felt so sad to me bc it was akechi just desperately clawing for what ren had the entire time ☹️#and the more he realized how worthless he was in comparison the more mentally unhinged he became until he actually broke#me when the trope is “the love was there but it wasn't enough to save them” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 (FUCKING DEVASTATING)#ermmm anyway yea they're neat. ig#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#goro akechi#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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face value
#it's autism torment hours for cloud strife (featuring Projection™️)#everybody just assumes the worst about cloud the moment they meet him.#i think all the time about the 'be nice!' -> 'i'm doing my best :(' thing from remake. like. all he did was answer a fucking question.#it burns because i know EXACTLY what it's like to be on the receiving end of that. 'don't be rude!' i wasn't planning on it but ok i guess?#and people getting mad because they assumed i meant something completely different than what i said.#how many times have i asked 'hey when are we leaving' (so i know when we're leaving. god forbid)#only for them to hear 'WAAA WAAAAAAA HURRY UP!!!!!!! I WANNA LEAVE RIGHT NOWWWWW UGGHHHHHH'#like ???????????#we're speaking the same language right??? RIGHT????????#cloud listen bby. just know that i'm always here for you. even if no one else got ur back.#ok i'm better now. at least until the next easily avoidable stupid misunderstanding#ffvii#cloud strife#my art <3
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When she tells you your best mate gets jealous when you say you want to shag someone
vs when someone wants to shag your best mate
#episode 3 starting and ending like this is iconic#how the turn tables#i thought i wasn't too bad at understanding expressions until i saw charles bc wtf is that man thinking half the time#charles 'yeah ghosts and human can have sex together' then he sees monty and it's like 'can-NOT'#charles rowland#jealous charles rowland#i need to stop making posts about jealous charles but honestly just look at his face#dead boy detectives#payneland#paynland
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I DON'T WANT THIS ANYMORE
[alt version below cut]
so anyways yeah my object show fixation has consumed me once more thanks to episode 15 🫶 (help me)
may or may not post more here again if i fully delve back into doing osc art
#inanimate insanity#ii taco#ii#object shows#osc art#osc community#osc#digital art#ill be fr i wasn't banana bonkers over taco until this episode came out#i NEED to see where episode 16 is gonna go w/ her#most likely she's either gonna want to speak to oj or pickle#but we'll see how ep 16 goes down (no doubt shit'll hit the fan)#(...no not that fan)
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I can't stop thinking about how funny it is that Aang had all this secret lore on Zuko because of the Blue Spirit that he just, didn't share with the Gaang. That boy knew that Zuko was capable of fighting extremely well without bending, was excellent with swords and unnaturally good at infiltration and espionage. And then just never brought it up.
Katara's yelling at Zuko on how he thinks he'd be able to find and break into the Sun Warrior Temple while Aang is fidgeting in the background. Sokka starts giving Zuko a hard time about his swords, asking if a spoiled prince would know how to use them. Aang is vibrating unsure of how to explain that Sokka Might Die if he tried to swordfight Zuko unprepared but now its been too long and it'd be super awkward to bring up.
#i understand why aang didnt bring up the blue spirit thing#just so funny that he has Zuko Lore expansion pack while the gaang just has the basic package#also tbf zuko ceased to be an issue from the north pole to bss#dude just wasn't around#until suddenly he helped collapse the biggest city in the earth kingdom and then wanted to join your cult#how exactly do you bring up he has sick sword knowledge#and that you sat on said information for months?#also if sokka knew zuko was a swordmaster he'd have tried to convert him ages ago
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Imagining Zuko having a secret crush on Katara throughout book 3 is soo good and angsty and peak drama. What if you tenderly touched my face during a shared moment of vulnerability, and then I betrayed you anyway. What if afterwards I couldn't get you out of my head, so I tried kissing another girl in hopes that might fix it. What if I came back to you, but you hate me so much now that being around you feels like getting my heart ripped out, and I have no one to blame except myself. What if I fell in love with a girl who despises me.
#zutara#zuko#katara#atla#'how can you ship zutara when katara spent most of the show hating zuko?' that's part of the appeal you see#zutara has major 'doomed by zuko's own past mistakes' energy#haunted by the narrative because its always a 'what if' zuko wasn't so fucking dumb (affectionate)#yes katara does forgive him eventually#but until then the 'tormented male love interest' energy that zuko has is a whole romantic drama by itself
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So.
Act 5, huh?
Oh, and that.
"You can start breakdown now."
Finished the game couple of days ago and had some thoughts I needed to process a little. Like. Yes.
So anyway I actually didn't plan this and just wanted to redraw some sprites to just make sure I understand how to draw Siffrin correctly (still working on that!)
What did I learn from this? How fun it it to draw on a canvas that literally doesn't let you draw with colors without some layer cheating when necessary. Never tried it.
The beans. Sleeping beans.
Basically what happens when you want to sleep AND draw. Draw characters sleeping on your behalf.
Doesn't help, but at least it's cute.
I have no idea what was going on in my mind as I drew this. Feels like a fever dream of 'I want to sleep' at 4 am and 'Hm...' of thinking random things
Also that phone craft sign. Still too funny to imagine. I had to.
#fanart#sketch#my art#isat spoilers#isat#siffrin#siffrin isat#isat loop#in stars and time#I also tried to draw the Party too! But that one sketch is too rough yet!#And I'll probably never post it it was fun to draw them tho#Anyway I had /thoughts/ playing Act 5#Not great ones too! I would rather they stayed where I would never even know they exist#But I had to while playing so I did#So it took some time to just sit with everything also I spend a lot of time just doing achievements#One left! The annoying one.#NG+ is fun too#I'm still surprised by how much I enjoyed it#Like 'staying until 6 am playing 10 hours straight' kind of enjoyed#From 'hm I wonder what's it about' to 'yeah I cried multiple times so I think it's allowed to live in my head too'#I got sick multiple times on related and unrelated reasons while playing and planning to play that wasn't fun#Anyway it's cool have some sketches because I couldn't stop drawing last night#I love drawing characters being emotionally in pain but that requires specific mood and music to go with#And not overdoing it#Like when drawing first one 'Aishite' was on loop the whole time#It's b&w too! Red layers are added with 'paste' magic love that
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Some people will only love you until they're done with you. Others will love you until they're done with themselves.
#gallavich#ian gallagher#mickey milkovich#ian and mickey#ian x mickey#shameless#mickey and ian#i love fiona#and she did try sort of#but no one really started paying attention#to what ian was going through#until it was too late#contrast that to how worried mickey was#he wasn't using him#or ashamed of him#he just loved him#and wanted to take care of him
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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your body isn't your own
#monkey d luffy#koby one piece#eustass kid#killer one piece#described in alt text#my art#my comic#secret modern au#art is concept ect#here i wanted to see how much i could implied with as little dialogue as possible. worked best in the first comic tbh#luffy is intersex in this AU now! (and a cis man) it's smth i had considered multiple time but never settled on until now because#i wasn't sure what to do with it but with how the plot evolved it makes a lot of sense and fixes some parts.#it's funny! he was meant to have some undiagnosed vague hormone disorder but i decided it's likely pms/pmdd (and maybe smth else#he's got a lot going on) and you kind need an uterus for that sooo.#genderwise he went through various flavors of gnc cis guy to genderqueer to ??? but now i'm thinking cis guy is best.#* VICE admiral btw. this what happen when you write comic past midnight
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was having trans marty thoughts again and i came to a realization about this scene
#back to the future#bttf#bttf fanart#marty mcfly#lorraine baines#lorraine mcfly#kit does an art#drew this one a while back and was hoping to save it until i compiled enough doodles in the same genre#but i like it better as a standalone picture bc it's funny so. here you go#poor marty he had so much going on in this scene alone#and if you think about him being trans it just adds another layer to that#1. just woke up from getting hit by a car#2. realized he wasn't dreaming and he definitely is in the past#3. that's his mom. in the past#4. his mom is HOT in the past. wasn't she born a nun or something this is wrong and terrible and he hates everything about this realization#5. where are his pants. why does he have no pants where are his pants. they're halfway across the room??? why are they over there#6. HIS MOM IS HITTING ON HIM???? his mom who is objectively hot in the past is hitting on him and he's in her bed with no pants on and ohhh#oh god. she took off his pants. to look at his underwear. and guys usually have something noticeably under the wear don't they. oh shit#7. SHE TOTALLY NOTICED. SHE'S GONNA ASK AND HE'S GONNA HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT AND IT'S GOING TO BE SO AWKWARD AND BAD#8. there's no way someone in the 50s is gonna get it she's either going to think he's a girl (problem 6 is taken care of but replaced with#perhaps an equally uncomfortable experience) or like. they're going to stone him or something he doesn't know how they react to this stuff#in the 50s#luckily for marty the last 2 problems never happen but that still would've been a very stressful minute just thinking about it#she was so perplexed by the purple underwear ig she just didn't notice haha.#kit yap session#for the tags. as usual
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The four of you have worked together before, but never in the same series, is that correct? How was it when you learned that the four of you would be playing the main characters of the series?
BONUS: everyone's reaction
#the heart killers#thk#thk cast#the heart killers cast#firstkhao#firstkhaotung#thk gmmtv live#meine grafiken#thkgifmine#adrm#pls i love how khao is fully down for first's dramatic reiteration#totally playing along with it‚ pretending to be distraught about it#only for whenn first explicitly SAYS it out loud that they were ''upset'' about it to go 'WAIT NO NO NO THAT'S NOT TRUE''#kjdfjdksfjkdg#LIKE BRO WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY CHANGING COURSE YOU WERE LITERALLY ACTING JUST AS UPSET ONLY A SECOND AGO FDKJSDFG#i adore this constellation so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺#i'm not big on FK as a fixed pair bc i'm of the opinion it's a waste of first's talent of changing personalities at the snap of a finger#which imo can have an even greater impact if he wasn't stuck with just one single partner but rather got to act with multiple partners#but like. FK and JD in a series together is something i never knew i desperately needed until the pilot trailer dropped#this group is SO cute with each other it's so wholesome i'm so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
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"eddie isn't queer/gay," you say. "he is straight in canon, so him being gay is just a head canon. it's ok for others to think of him as straight because that's what he is."
let's ignore for a second the fact that eddie has never ever ever ever not even once, said in canon that he is a heterosexual very straight guy. seriously!!! he has never once said it!!! if i am "assuming" he's gay then you are also "assuming" he is straight even though he has never once said it!!
how do you think we got bi buck as canon? like i am serious right now, answer the question. how do you think we go bi buck canon? evan buckley was never conceived to be a bisexual man at the beginning of 911. the reason we have evan buckley as a canonically bisexual character today is because us, queer fans of 911, interpreted him and headcanoned him as bisexual. i would go even further and say that it was us, BUDDIE FANS, who interpreted him and headcanoned him as bi. even before the writers were explicitly writing him as bisexual. we read his actions and his story and his identity and said: "this is a bi character!" and the writers looked back and realized that it made sense! and so they started writing him explicitly and canonically as bi.
was it wrong of us to headcanon a character as bisexual then? like for all intents and purposes we were reading a "straight" character as bi. were we doing something wrong? how come you are not complaining/chastising us/shaming us for how we took evan buckley, an otherwise straight character, and saw him as bi? is it because it now serves a purpose to you that he is bi?
also, taking characters that aren't confirmed queer and reading them as queer is what the queer community, and specifically the queer fandom community, has been doing for DECADES. look up the history of queer coding, i am begging you. it has been through the means of queer coding and the perseverance of people that are engaged in it that actual queer representation in media has increased. and let me tell you right now, eddie diaz is, undoubtedly and undeniably, one of the most queer coded characters there is. whether you think this queer coding is conscious by the writers or not. eddie diaz is queer coded.
and i want everyone who says things like "eddie diaz is not a queer character. he is straight in canon. it's wrong to assume a character is queer without the character saying so" to know that this is exactly what straight and homophobic people say. you are using the SAME rhetoric that has been used to shame queer fans for decades for seeing themselves and their experiences in fictional characters of all types. in fact, us, queer fans (and again BUDDIE FANS), were told so many times by straight fans that we were wrong for reading buck as bisexual. and where are we now? where did reading buck as bi take us? oh yeah, to having bi buck in canon.
so please just stop with the "eddie isn't queer in canon" comments. if you don't want to interpret eddie as queer then that is your prerogative. i will be judging why that is, for sure, but it is your right. but be honest about it. it has nothing to do with whether or not he is straight (which hasn't been said) or queer coded (which he so obviously is seeing as so many of us can very easily read him as queer). it's a personal preference and you're not engaging with canon better because of it.
#like i am sooooo serious when i say that people who use this argument are able to enjoy canon bi buck thanks to us the fans who have been#here for years reading buck and eddie as queer. so i would appreciate the respect from them of how we have been reading the source material#in such ways that the writers have actually followed our path and footsteps.#i KNOW why the number of people who don't want to interpret eddie as queer has grown. i KNOW why the number of people who don't want canon#to confirm that eddie is queer has grown. but i just want them to be honest about it. i don't want them to use the canon excuse.#because for all intents and purposes buck was “straight” until 7x04 but i have seen NO ONE say that we were wrong for thinking he wasn't fo#years. we read buck as bisexual which lead the show to confirm buck as bisexual. we read eddie as queer which is very obviously leading the#show to set eddie up as being confirmed queer. like there is no difference. and yet some people are treating it as very different.#eddie diaz#911#buddie
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The more I think about it, the more I question Arcane S2's politics and themes, which were so foundational to S1. Like, a tiny example [SPOILERS AHEAD]:
Singed wins. He gets exactly what he wants in the end. All his "efforts" are rewarded. What does that say about people who share his ideology of eugenics? He is the source of nearly every horrible thing and conflict that happened (Shimmer, the factory deaths, Jinx, Vander as Warwick, the corruption of Viktor), and he gets a happier ending than any other character. Not even a 'he got what he wanted but he has become completely unrecognizable/monstrous to his daughter' tag at the end. You can say they're setting him up and need to open his daughter to future shows, but the way you end a character's story says something about what you think about that character. What does it say when the eugenicist war criminal gets the happy ending he doesn't deserve?
#personal#delete later#and you can say “it's not that deep it's just what makes sense to end his character” but lets not kid ourselves#this past month people have been chattering about microexpressions in animation or metaphors and symbolism in interactions#and random props and set details. the end of a character's arc MEANS something thematically.#and it just feels offputting that the most unforgivable character wins while everyone else is dead or suffers alone#and don't give me that “sometimes the bad guy wins” look this is an extreme lol.#i would be fine with this outcome for singed if literally EVERY other character wasn't suffering. only singed got what he wanted#honestly fans who have been completely unwilling to consider negative analysis and criticisms of arcane annoy me so much#y'all chirp about how amazing it is that arcane is so political until the politics get weird. then it's a completely apolitical show#specifically the final “dirt under you fingernails” line. that felt so weird and offputting coming from vi#a part of this is definitely just reactionary anger at a fictional character. like. you caused untold amounts of suffering and agony#all for your daughter. fuck you you don't get your daughter
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