#and that’s because it’s not the cards that tell the story

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

So for those of you who don't follow Magic news and want to hear about something funny, I have a story to tell for you. The biggest format in Magic (for better or for worse) is Commander, a predominantly casual 100 card Highlander format that is played in pods of 4. There is also a Commander Rules Committee, who governs what the rules of Commander are as well as the Commander banlist. Importantly, the Commander banlist is designed for a casual focus in mind, and also in general is pretty bad and no one really likes it. There's a whole different post about cards like Stasis and Armageddon which are considered _soft_ banned through community consensus but not hard banned through the banlist.

Recently, they announced the bannings of four cards from the format: Jeweled Lotus, Dockside Extortionist, Mana Crypt, and Nadu, Winged Wisdom. Nadu is not the discussion point of today, but rather the first three cards, cards which are often under the group of cards called "Fast Mana". Fast Mana generally refers to cards that are extremely cheap to play and give you more mana than you put into them to play. It includes the above cards but also includes cards like Sol Ring, Lotus Petal, and Mox Opal/Diamond. Fast mana is one of the hallmarks of high-powered casual Commander pods, as well as cEDH, the competitively focused niche unofficial format of Commander. Dockside Extortionist also had the additional factor of causing a number of easy to do infinite loops involving a ton of different cards to make infinite mana.

These cards were always questionable, but have become more and more powerful recently as more and more powerful Commanders have come out in the 4-6 mana slot. The ability to drop a Commander such as Winota or Go-Shintai of Life's Origin on early turns can very easily result in snowball wins where it becomes impossible for the other players at the table to react in time. This reasoning for banning them is reasonable but not exactly bulletproof either, since Jeweled Lotus is generally better for Commanders who are only one or two colors.

Much more importantly to our story though, these cards were pricy. They were seen by many as staples of the format, especially if you wanted your Commander deck to be as strong as possible. Jeweled Lotus and Dockside Extortionist frequently were in the $80-$100 range as cards, while Mana Crypt was at its cheapest somewhere around $150-180. A chase version of these cards could go for $300-500. Pricy! While these cards were seen by many as staples, they also created this weird pay to win atmosphere, where these cards were super expensive but extremely powerful. Proxying, where you use an obviously fake card as a representation of a game piece, isn't universally accepted among Magic players either, often by the same very cranky people as we're going to be talking about. It is much more common in the cEDH community where deck prices tend to be in the tens of thousands of dollars.

So, what happened about the bannings that made people so upset? Well, the prices of these cards crashed. It is worth noting why. Mana Crypt is only legal in two formats: Vintage, where it is restricted to one copy, and Commander. Commander ends up being the primary home for the card, because Vintage is SO overwhelmingly expensive and proxy hostile that tons of people are priced out of the format in paper (it is significantly cheaper on Magic Online). Dockside Extortionist is playable in Legacy, Vintage, and Commander, but was only good in Commander, since in 60 cards 1v1 formats its hard for Dockside to generate enough mana to go infinite or make big swings in mana. Jeweled Lotus was basically only playable in Commander, since it doesn't serve a particularly useful function when you don't have a commander. It could see very fringe play in Legacy but it is probably not worth it.

So the removal of these cards from their primary spheres of play have caused the prices of these cards to utterly crash, their value now only kept up by their general scarcity. Dockside Extortionist is currently going for about $25, Jeweled Lotus for about $45, and Mana Crypt for about $90. They're still valuable cards, but their value no longer has promise of going to the moon anymore. They will simply be reasonable expensive and probably never reasonably appreciate in value again. This has made a bunch of people who had no intentions of ever selling their speculative card pieces very angry. Several of these very angry people have decided to hurl accusations that the Commander RC was insider trading, making the frankly hilarious assumption that Magic the Gathering cards are in some way equivalent to stocks. Many people have made the claim they will quit the game over this, but in the kind of way where it's pretty obvious they won't actually do that and will just take the cards out of their decks and keep showing up at their LGS.

It is very funny to make fun of these people, and to be quite frank, we should. This example is a pretty good one in how collectors and financial speculators are pretty much poison to card games as a whole. Most of the people complaining did not have actual money that they lost. They never intended to cash out their gains at any point. It's all theoretical money, practically monopoly bucks. They had, in reality where we all live, spent $80 on a game piece. They made a purchase, they did not make an investment. I spent $60 a piece on a playset of Infinite Impermanence to prepare for a tournament that was cancelled due to the LGS being incompetent. We all make these Ls in our time as card game players.

I will never make profit on my Flames of Destruction Secret Rare Infinite Impermanences. Ever. Konami has reprinted Infinite Impermanence several times in the interests of making the game more accessible to players. This is the key thing. Bannings and reprints are market forces if you're being a particular kind of twit like anything else. You should not just expect that your pricy pieces of cardboard are untouchable. Bannings and reprintings are often done for the interests in making a format more accessible to other players. I do think that the bannings in Commander do that on some level, because Commander is not just played in pre-negotiated pods. Having a non-game because someone opened a fast mana piece and sped ahead of the entire table sucks, strictly speaking. Your cards will lose secondary value, because the primary goal of the Commander RC, and to be quite frank, Wizards of the Coast as a whole, is to make sure the game is accessible to the most players possible. Reprints and bannings are tools for that function, and frankly, I think Wizards has been using them wrong for over two decades at this point. They've ceded a lot of ground to collectors and financial investors, and it has resulted in entire formats that are basically unplayable to the average person. Modern is now very frequently a $900-$1200 format. Legacy decks run at price tags of several thousand dollars, and Vintage decks can run from $20,000-60,000 dollars. All because the price of Black Lotus must keep going up, and there are many, many cards in Magic where this is the case. These people are, to be blunt, parasites who can and will suck a game dry. If this offends you, please do some soul searching. The thing that keeps a game alive is its players, not your tens of thousands of dollars of cardboard game pieces sitting in a cabinet never to be sold or played with again.

The only people who have a reasonable claim to being upset are cEDH players, as these pieces were a part of the meta and their loss will be felt. Frankly, I don't think cEDH should be governed by a Rules Committee that on its face does not make decisions in the interests of cEDH. cEDH is still fringe compared to the casual Commander pool, and they should not be governing policy for players who do not play the same format as them. Likewise, the RC should not be governing them either. This would be a good incentive as any to finally make the split imo.

oh and trust me im tagging this bitch lmao

(Also, the allusions to NFT language in this post are intentional! These are basically one step removed from NFTs.)

[wandasreallover]

Elizabeth olsen x reader|

Title: A Moment to Remember

Warnings:none :)

The soft hum of evening chatter enveloped the quaint rooftop restaurant, cresting with laughter and mingling aromas that swept through the air, where night began to embrace the city. Dressed in a flowing emerald gown that mirrored the lush foliage of the garden planted around the patio, Lizzie sat beside you at a round table covered in flickering candlelight. Around you, a colorful group of family and friends gathered to celebrate the success of her latest film, a heartfelt family drama that had tugged at the heartstrings of audiences everywhere.

The table was adorned with an array of delectable dishes and drinks, where glasses clinked like cheerful bells every few moments. Among the group, Natasha Lyonne animatedly recounted a behind-the-scenes mishap from “Poker Face,” her voice a joyful melody laced with humor. Having known Lizzie for years, Natasha feigned confusion at the radiant glow that surrounded Lizzie, whose attention seemed fully consumed by you.

You could feel the gentle warmth of Lizzie's hand clasped over yours beneath the table, her fingers tracing soft patterns along your palm. The world around you dimmed as you focused on the beautiful woman beside you, her heart-stopping smile stealing your breath away. Her wide, soulful eyes locked onto yours—soft and full of unspoken affection.

“Honestly,” Natasha continued, oblivious to the connection unfolding before her, “I had no idea that someone could mess up a simple card game so dramatically. You’d think it was a heist movie!”

The nearby laughter rang out like music. Lizzie’s lips curled into a half-smile, but her gaze remained unwaveringly fixed on you. You could feel your cheeks warming as her thumb brushed delicately against your wrist.

“Lizzie?” Natasha persisted, her voice teasing and curious, now honing in on her friend. “How about you, Miss Movie Star? What do you have to say?”

It took Lizzie a moment to snap back from her daze, her brow furrowing slightly in confusion. “What? Oh! I’m sorry, Nat—did you say something?” She blinked, suddenly coming back into the chaotic rhythm of laughter and chatter, her gaze narrowing as she tried to catch up with the conversation.

“Just wondering if you had any funny stories from the set,” Natasha replied, grinning devilishly as she leaned in. “Or do you only have eyes for your… date?”

Caught in the flurry of Natasha’s playful interrogation, Lizzie stuttered, her cheeks flushed a rosy hue. “I—uh, I mean… we had a lot of fun. The kids got ahold of the script and turned it into a musical number!” The words tumbled out of her lips, though they barely resembled sentences.

Natasha arched an eyebrow, her expression dance-like and mischief-laden. “Right… but speaking of eyes, I’d say your focus is elsewhere, pretty girl,” she teased, shifting her pointed gaze toward your interlinked hands. “Is it the food or the company? Because let me tell you, your date has some fierce competition.”

You chuckled softly, feeling flattered and amused by the playful banter. “I mean, the food is great, but I can’t lie—having Lizzie beside me definitely ups the quality of this dinner.”

Lizzie’s cheeks deepened in color, but her grip on your hand tightened, clearly enjoying the attention. “That’s sweet,” she murmured, smiling softly in your direction before returning half-heartedly to Natasha. “But I swear, we really did have an amazing time filming. It’s just the kids—I mean, they’re too talented for their own good, honestly. What can I say?”

The conversation flowed on, transporting to various topics, yet it always felt like all roads led back to the two of you. Lizzie immersed herself in the moment with you, occasionally breaking the fourth wall of the party atmosphere to steal glances, each look heavy with affection.

As the waiter swooped in to serve dessert, Natasha took the opportunity to lean across the table, a conspiratorial glimmer in her eyes. “So, what’s the deal with you two? The chemistry’s practically palpable, and I’d be surprised if even the cake didn’t notice.”

The laughter burst from the table, light and teasing, but Lizzie’s candid laughter quickly turned into a smirk. “Okay, okay! Yes, there’s something between us,” she confessed, her voice bright yet suddenly vulnerable. “I’ve just enjoyed these moments—so intimate and real. It feels nice to share it with someone who understands.”

“Aw, that’s adorable,” Natasha teased, her good-natured ribbing morphing into sincerity. “Just don’t forget that this place is a dinner, and you have to leave some of that love for the rest of us, too!”

You chuckled, unable to help the warmth spreading from your heart. Lizzie’s eyes met yours once more, and in that shared silence, you sensed the fabric of something beautiful unraveled between you. “I promise,” you whispered, “I’ll always save more love for you.”

As dessert plates crowded the table, Lizzie shifted slightly, leaning closer to you. The noise around faded into the background. You could feel her warmth, a gentle yet furious flame, pulsating against your skin. She brought your interlocked hands just slightly closer to her face, pressing a soft kiss onto your knuckles, purposefully slow, her eyes sparkling like liquid diamonds.

Natasha observed, a knowing smile forming as she grinned at your intertwined hands. “Well, looks like I've got front-row seats to the cutest show of the night,” she said, raising her glass. “Let’s toast—to love, friendship, and sweet moments that make life worth living. To you two!”

With glasses raised high, the laughter swelled around you, washing over like a comforting tide. Lizzie’s fingers wrapped tighter around yours, as the connection you shared transcended mere words. It was in gestures, shared glances, and a simple understanding that shone in the night.

In that lively rooftop setting, surrounded by laughter and celebration, it was clear that this evening was not only a celebration of Lizzie’s success, but of the tender bond that had begun to blossom between you. In every moment, every smile, you felt the essence of something beautiful taking root—a lifelong memory created under the stars.

And as the night stretched on, you made a promise to yourself: this was only the beginning.

For: @lizardslizzie

[mars-ipan]

i think the reason people get so crazy about magic/spiritual stuff like crystals and essential oils to the point where it becomes a pseudoscience is that they don’t understand that it’s more symbolism and power of suggestion than fact (and that saying that doesn’t mean that it’s completely ineffective)

[egophiliac]

I DID IT I GOT MY PINK HAYATE now I am never doing that again!

(at least until they give me, like, a frilly unicorn Kamui or something)

[pjsk-story-summaries]

Rise as ONE! Event Story Summary

TL;DR: While on his morning runs, Akito often runs into Ichihara and Max, a pair training for a dog disc throwing competition with the dream to one day compete nationally. One day, Akito also runs into Minori, Samo, Honami, and Shibao on a play date. When Max stops running after the disc, they realize Ichihara had hurt himself the day before a competition. The group offers to throw in his place, but with Akito as the only person who can throw the disc well enough, they run into even more problems.

Rui crosses paths with the group and offers his support in helping Akito get over his fear. The group learns Akito's fear stems from a traumatic event in the past, where a dog had continuously chased him across a playground set, causing him to fall off. This makes him especially terrified of dogs running, which is a challenge for a disc-throwing race.

Honami talks to KAITO in secret during a lunch break. KAITO had watched Shibao for her a little while ago while she was busy with rehearsal. Though KAITO was scared at first because Shibao kept barking, he realized it was just because he wanted to play.

From this, Honami suggest observing Max playing from a distance to build a mutual understanding. Through this, Akito learns Max is a kind, patient dog who cares deeply about his partner. Suddenly, Minori accidentally misthrows her disc, causing Samo to race towards a frozen Akito. Max steps in to protect Akito. To properly thank him, Akito manages to pet Max.

On the day of the competition, Akito and Max successfully throw a majority of their discs and earn third place. Though Akito hasn't completely gotten over his fear of dogs, he's made significant progress (at least with Max).

Fan translation (lolzy bug)

Chapter 1: When Akito stops for a drink during his morning run, he crosses paths with a guy, Ishihara, and his dog, Max, training with a disc. A gust of wind blows the disc towards Akito, who throws the disc away out of panic. To his surprise, Max manages to catch it. Ishihara comes to apologize and explains how he's been practicing for an upcoming tournament, since they dream of competing nationally one day. Max looks at Akito like he wants to be pet, but when he barks, Ishihara finally realizes Akito is afraid of dogs. The two part ways so Akito can finish his run.

Chapter 2: Leo/need finishes a practice session in SEKAI. Shiho and Honami decide to practice a rhythm section together that weekend after Honami finishes walking Shibao at the dog park. When KAITO expressed concern over Shibao's health, Honami explained that KAITO had helped watch him once when Honami was unable. KAITO had done it since all the Leo/need Virtual Singers chose committees for themselves, and KAITO chose animal care. Honami will be walking with Minori and Samo that weekend as well.

A few days later, Akito finishes another run at the park, surprised to not find Max and Ishihara. Instead, Minori, Honami, Shibao, and Samo are playing together. Minori recognizes Akito and runs over to him, dogs in tow. Honami immediately picks up on his fear, though he tries to deny it at first. Suddenly, Max starts running over to Akito, leading to everyone apologizing to Akito. When the two try and leave, Akito notices Ishihara has hurt his leg.

Chapter 3: Ishihara tries to deny it since the tournament is the next day, but Max refuses to run when his partner is hurt. Ishihara decides to withdraw from the tournament at Honami's insistence. Minori offers to go in Ishihara's place. She struggles to aim the disc, though, and Samo keeps accidentally interfering, so Minori has to step down. Max keeps trying to give Akito the disc. Though he's initially hesitant, Honami's words and Max's will convince Akito to take up the challenge. Honami and Minori (along with Samo and Shibao) offer their support, too.

Chapter 4: Ishihara teaches Akito how to throw the disc while Minori and Honami play with Max. He gets the hang of it quickly, so they soon add Max in to catch. He caught it mid-air. Though Akito tried his best to not panic when Max ran back, he had to run away. In the meantime, Rui ends up crossing paths with the group, along with a robotic dog prototype. Rui asks if Akito will be ok at the disc dog competition, since he's also already picked up on Akito's fear.

After hearing the full story, Rui decides to help Akito get over his fear of dogs. He suggests playing with Max first to get more comfortable around him. Honami shows Akito how to properly greet and pet a dog. Akito tries letting Max sniff his hand, but instinctively backs up. Rui asks about the source of Akito's fear.

Chapter 5: A flashback from a decade or so ago is shown. Akito and Ena play soccer at a park, when a dog suddenly runs out from the bushes towards Akito. Surprised, Akito starts running, so the dog chases him. He runs up the slide so the dog can't follow him. The dog keeps staring at him, which causes Akito to fall off the playground. He freaks out when the dog runs over.

After the story, Minori suggests taking a break to come up with some new ideas. The group goes to get lunch together. Shibao keeps digging through Honami's bag, where KAITO was hiding to try and see him. Honami sneaks away to talk. KAITO reveals he was also a bit frightened by Shibao the first time they met because he kept barking, but KAITO got over that fear by understanding why Shibao kept barking. Since he couldn't play with the lonely dog when Honami was gone, he decided to play guitar for him. Honami thanks KAITO for the accidental advice and goes back to the group.

Chapter 6: Though Akito's a little hesitant at first, they decide to give Honami's suggestion a try. They start by watching Max play with the others from a distance. Rui shares some of his own observations before instructing his robot to do a triple axel spin. Rui then asks Akito to watch Max's reactions. Akito realizes Max is still worried about Ishihara. A young kid walks over and pets Max, which helps Akito learn he's a patient dog, too. With some newfound understanding, Aktio asks to try something new.

Chapter 7: Rui has Akito watch Shibao and Samo play fetch next. Rui throws the disc with Max with Akito standing next to him after that. He does a lot better with the throw, but still tenses up when Max runs back. Rui suggests the only way to get better now is to slowly get used to dogs running his way. Suddenly, Samo comes running towards Akito after Minori misthrows her disc. Akito can't move from fear, but Max jumps in front to protect him. To properly thank him, Akito tries petting Max again. He successfully manages to let Max sniff his hand, and, believing in Max, pets him with shaking hands.

Chapter 8: The day of the competition arrives. Everyone came to cheer on Max and Akito. Max and Akito were able to successfully throw, catch, and receive the disc on their first three throws. The fourth was dropped due to a strong wind, but everyone's support, the long-throw fifth was caught to advance to the finals. Akito recognizes Max wants pets and manages to give him a scratch.

Akito and Max ended up getting third place in the competition. Ishihara thanks Akito and the others for all their help. Akito is glad he was able to partially get over his fear of dogs, at least with Max. He's still scared of other dogs, but less than before.

Card Stories: Akito / Honami / KAITO / Minori / Rui

[ssruis]

Nene loves rui & tsukasa a bunch and cherishes them both as her friends however if anyone at kamiyama asks if she knows them she’ll flat out lie and say she’s never met them before in her life. even if she just got done talking to them. “You do shows with kamishiro and tenma right? You guys must be pretty close” and nenes like no not really they’re just coworkers. She sees them in the hallways or in the courtyard & they’re both like “HELLO NENE” (loud) (normal for tsukasa but rui is just being annoying on purpose) and she speed walks away. However she can’t do this with Emu because Emu explicitly breaks into the school just to see her and will cling onto her like a koala the minute she finds her.

[katsy-kitty]

Can anybody fill me in on what happened during last week's panel? Any video or highlights? I just got back from a 2-week tumblr hiatus (not sure if I'm "back" tbh).

Or if there's anything else that happened during that time in the fandom and you want to share – I'm all ears.

(Or eyes...? Because I'm going to read it. On a screen. I'M ALL EYES. Which is a bit creepy.)

Posting a bracelet I recently made for attention

(but I want to show it to a friend and I don't want her to know my tumblr name so I hope she doesn't see it lol but you gotta live your life with a little risk in it right RIGHT)

btw I just learned a lot about this week's panel thanks to @folie-a-deux YOU'RE GREAT THANK YOU SO MUCH I've been giggling like a little girl reading your posts about the panel <3333333

[austin-friars]

"They are going to kill me." Mary thinks to herself. Their taunts follow her into the cupboard she's locked herself in, their voices echo through the aged, worn wood. "The King wants you dead!" A man, his words heightened by intoxication, calls from the other side, the door nearly succumbing to his strength as he yanks the handle. She thinks it's Lord Rochford, and though his words sting, he is right. Her father won't save her. He hasn't saved her since her mother was taken from her, he hasn't saved her since she was forced into servitude. The king wants her dead. Lord Rochford places his weight upon the door, his aunt and sisters laugh and jeer in support. Within a moment or two, he will break in, and then what? I have to save myself. Mary thinks. I must run away from this place!

(Excerpt from my short story in which Anne's court comes to visit young Elizabeth and Mary is made to serve them. In the midst, words are exchanged, which results in a physical altercation and Mary ends up running away, going to the most unlikely person for shelter.)

[bannedaid]

thinking about my gw2 fellas because i can’t play right now. thinking about all of them and shaking them around in my head and thinking about how i havent rped them in months and they’re starving and wasting away. sorry varus eros sobb agar keer plato and the sylvari i impulsively made one day. scratches head. kind of want to yap here but also in tags because i think tumblr works that way. people yap in the tags right

[brynn-lear]

I never got too deep into enstars but there are days where I miss Mama 😔

[sojourner-between-worlds]

"The truth is, I also wanted to see you change the future. But there wasn't enough time."

is far too potent a line to come from Yugioh

[mikimeiko]

Three Thousand Years of Longing | Directed by Frank Miller (2022)

[chainsawgood]

sitting here feeling insane about american psycho because it might be the perfect satire

[egophiliac]

Why do you think they put Savannah Claw Rook up to pull??? Is he even going to participate in Book 7???? I am so confused WHY HIM??? WHY NOT IDK, CREWEL? VARGAS? MAYBE TREIN?? WHY HIM.

I’m SO CONFUSED. Is it just for money grabbing or something like that? It doesn’t make any sense.

Also how prepared you are for the probably last update of Book 7?

I mean...it said he's a story card, and all the other story cards have had major roles, so I see no reason to assume he won't as well! (plus any staff cards are probably all going to be events like Crowley was; I would honestly be MORE surprised to see them as story cards.) really though I'm having fun trying to figure out how he's going to tie into things! we're back at Cerberus Ortho levels of "WHAT DOES IT MEEEAAAAN" and it's great. :D

I assume we're going to be doing some more dream-hopping, but I think it would be hilarious if it turned out to be someone else's dream instead of Rook's. who else could possibly be dreaming about him pre-fancification.

(I'm also half afraid that this really is the last part, and half afraid that it isn't. I'm -- I'm not going to believe anything until we get the diadorm rerun pickups, and maybe not even then)

[fingertipsmp3]

Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself

[thebeautifulfantastic]

girl who is this "My Guy" you speak of in your tags 👀👀👀👀👀

ohoho do i have a story to tell you, my friend :D

basically, i'm experiencing the "slow burn friends to lovers" trope, and it is both amazing and infuriatingly agonizing. fair warning, this is going to a looooong post, so jump to the end if you want the short version.

it all started back in the spring, after i got accepted to a performing arts college, and specifically to their first-year study abroad program in Spain. i was so pumped, and determined to make friends before college started, so i found one of those [college name] class of 27 instagram accounts and as people's intros were posted, made it a point to follow and dm anyone else who said they would also be doing their first year abroad. *sigh* yes, i was shamelessly sliding into people's dms. but strictly with the purpose of friendship! anyways, this Boy's picture and little intro paragraph gets posted to the account, and he says he's in the study abroad program, so i dm him, as had become my custom -- it's a very simple "hi nice to meet you" exchange -- and he follows me back.

a few weeks later, my photo and little intro paragraph get posted to the account, and he sends me a dm. he's like "IT'S YOU" and i'm like "IT IS!" and he's like "you have such a good voice!" (because there was a video of me singing in my post) and i'm like "thank you!" and he's like "you are MOST welcome." and then, because in my intro i had mentioned that i'm a total nerd, he also says "and don't worry, i'm a nerd too." this is word-for-word accurate, by the way -- i just checked. so we messaged for a good while, bonding over nerdy topics.

a couple days later he replied to my instagram story and we had another mini nerd-out moment, and then a couple days after that i mustered up the courage to message him and ask if he might be interested in working on some creative projects together once the school year started. that was the conversation that really broke the ice, because after that, we were messaging back and forth every single day, talking about anything and everything, getting to know each other and quickly realizing that we had a lot in common. actually, the second thing we bonded over after our shared nerdiness was that we were both liberal/progressive Christians who didn't love Christian media. and we fell in love right then and there... just kidding, there's much more to the story ;)

anyways! we became really close over the summer because we talked to each other so much. now so far i only saw him as a very good friend, because i had a massive crush on a girl (who i never confessed my feelings to, but i'm pretty sure she's straight anyway. canon bisexual experience, i guess) that he was very aware of because i told him about her. i wasn't really looking at any boy as someone i'd potentially be interested in, and i was just so thrilled to have found a new best friend that i connected with and who i'd get to see every day at college. i actually said, in conversation with a different friend of mine that "i've seen who i'll be going to college with, and i can assure you, i'm not going to have a crush on any of these people." yeah, right. famous last words.

but the plot thickens. as the summer drew to a close, it started looking like i wouldn't be able to study abroad or attend this college at all because of tuition costs, and i was really, really sad. but honestly, what i was most sad about was that i wouldn't get to meet him in person just yet and would have to wait a whole year until he was at this college's US campus, which happens to be about an hour from where i live (his home state is quite far away from mine, so our friendship had developed entirely through the internet). i told him the news, that i wouldn't be joining him at college, and he was also sad because he was also super excited to meet me, but we agreed that we'd stay in touch and meet up in person someday, somehow.

summer ended, we kept talking, he left for Spain, and we still kept talking. however, there was a subtle shift in the tone of our conversations sometime after he arrived there, which is to say we started flirting. not intentionally, mind you. it just happened, in between the "i miss you" and the "i wish you were here, we would've raised so much hell" the both of us started playfully flirting, and it was so natural i didn't even realize it was flirting until several weeks had passed (that may also be because i am an oblivious fool). just subtle little things, like i would say "hey :) i miss you" and he would say "you're making me blush," and then we would playfully tease each other and laugh about it. there was one occasion where i was having a really rough day and later on he sent me the sweetest text i have ever received in my life and told me i was one of his favorite people in the world :'))

around this time he also started screenshotting my selfies that i sent him over instagram chat, and i noticed. i started suspecting that maybe he was into me as more then a friend at that point (because when a guy screenshots your face, that means something, right?) but at this point i was still in the Denial Stage of my feelings so i decided to not read into it too much. i also hadn't been physically attracted to him at first sight, so i was like "he's Just A Guy!! there's no way i can have feelings for him, because i'm not into guys right now. i just love his personality and our dynamic. that's all." yeah, RIGHT. just keep telling yourself that, Belle.

we were in mid-september by this point, and we had called a few times since he's been in Spain, and during one jet-lagged conversation while mutually lamenting that we couldn't hang out in-person, he happened to mention that even if he wouldn't be in my area for another year, there was nothing stopping me from visiting him when he goes home to the states for Christmas and winter break. internally, i thought "HECK YEAH" but what i actually said was something like, "you know what, that's a good point," and after that the daydreams began in earnest, but because i'm an idiot i told myself these were still strictly platonic feelings. we treated the idea of me visiting him as a rather unserious thing at first ("oh i just said that because i was jet-lagged and delirious, don't worry about it haha" -- yeah right, buddy, you literally just told me you miss me), but i couldn't get the idea out of my head.

and then of course, as is the way of things, i'm lying awake at night, thinking about him, and all of a sudden it hits me and i realize the worst has happened: i had developed feelings. romantic ones. my first reaction was literally "well shit this is embarrassing. i am so screwed." it was a very strange realization too, because none of it was based on his looks. i had never looked at him and thought "damn he's hot," i simply... loved him. the whole person.

(i should probably clarify that this isn't me calling him ugly or anything. he is a very good-looking person, and i knew that, subconsciously, but it wasn't a thought that really took up space in my brain because i just hadn't been looking at him that way. and now i do think he's cute! but i had to come to terms with my crush first.)

after realizing this, my first thought was that i didn't want to say anything about my feelings to him and accidentally look like an idiot ("because what if there's a chance he doesn't like me?" girl be so fr) so we just kept talking and the flirting got more and more obvious. i also started screenshotting his photos to see what would happen. what happened was more playful teasing. we called again and got all flustered with each other because it was so hard not to spill the tea. the idea of me visiting him was brought up again, with a more... uh... suggestive undertone? it was amazing. it was also unbearable.

it all came to a light one day in late september. i had told myself i wouldn't say anything about my feelings until we met in-person, but by the way we were flirting, i should have known we wouldn't be able to wait that long.

in perhaps the most random fashion, it started because his BeReal caption was "i cried to this song last night. someday i'll reveal the story" and i got a little worried upon reading that. so i texted him "are you okay? i saw your BeReal and i thought i would check in." his reply was something like "OH MY GOSH i'm fine i cried because i was super high last night," which, like, a little mortifying that i momentarily forgot weed existed, but i'm glad you're okay.

but then a few minutes later, he says "why did you screenshot my BeReal?" and my brain froze. i couldn't think of a single way to deflect or change the subject this time, so i thought fuck it and told him exactly why: "because you looked cute."

he goes "aha! there it is" and i said, "for how long have you been trying to get me to say that?" and he said "a while. i've liked you for a while."

i won't relay the whole conversation that followed because it was very long and also quite personal, but after we'd calmed down a bit from the love confession, we talked seriously about whether it would be a good idea to be in a relationship, and what things were worrying us, pros and cons, etc etc, and what we came to was that he personally needed some time to think about it all, but we would still plan on me visiting him.

and here we are! we still haven't met in person, but we will eventually, and it's nothing official yet (it's honestly kind of a situationship except we actually do talk about our feelings) but there's a lot of love on both ends. and i'm just so happy to know him at all, because if i hadn't randomly decided to slide into his dms none of this would have happened, and that would be a shame. we may be overdue for another serious conversation about relationship stuff (the flirting and teasing has continued, in addition to our more normal conversations) but that's the story so far. now you know, if i mention "the boy" or my "kinda bf" or "my guy" who i'm referring to. i can't reveal his real name here because that feels like an invasion of privacy, but it starts with an A, and sometimes i refer to him that way too :)

tl;dr -- he is a guy that i met online through the college i had planned on attending but actually didn't, we became close friends and stayed in touch and eventually developed feelings, and admitted those feelings for each other, and now we are More Than Friends But Not Officially Together because we haven't met in-person yet, but hopefully soon.