#and that was ofc a major ick for me

[sawruhh]

Boy do I have updates

[bamfkeeper]

Reunion.

RQ: 'I was hoping for some hurt/comfort 🙏🏽. I was never really satisfied with Kurt and Amanda's reunion after he came back to life(aside from the fact that that ship gives me a major ick for ibv reasons). It was so anticlimactic! You would think a woman who knew him all his life would she'd a few tears. I was wondering what your take on a reunion scene with Kurt would be? Like the reader was a member of the X-Men and saw Bastion kill Kurt. Because of her grief she leaves the team unable to cope from the loss. And then after years of being without him he just shows up at her apartment just like he did with Amanda.' - @gildedjerk

Pairing: Kurt Wagner x GN!reader

Warnings: Major character death | Descriptions of injuries | Mourning & grief | Happy ending ofc

A/N: Wooo I had a lot of fun with this one. Angst and comfort, yum. Anyway I did try to give a realistic response to him coming back from the dead. I was stuck between two reactions but I think this one is good. I hope you enjoy! Unedited hehe WC: 3.0k

It had only been a week. A week since your heart became slow, dull, and empty.

The mansion took a hit. The team broken into pieces.

It was unusually quiet around the manor. Normally, the sound of padding footsteps and excited laughter and voices filled the halls, but now...it was silent. You weren't' the only one that lost something, but by all hell, you deserved to grieve.

You hadn't left the bedroom you shared for days, your body curled tightly on the bed, clutching his suit against your chest as if it were a lifeline. Tears flowed endlessly, soaking the pillow beneath your head. The salty streams seemed inexhaustible, leaving your eyes red and swollen, leaving you with a constant headache you ignored. You were likely severely dehydrated from the constant outpouring of grief, but in your state of mourning, those concerns held no importance to you. All you desired was to be left alone with your sorrow, to process the loss in solitude.

His suit bore a large, jagged hole, Kurt's dried blood stained the fabric, a sight that simultaneously pained you and kept you connected to him. You couldn't bring yourself to wash it, fearing that doing so would erase the last tangible traces of his presence. The suit still carried his distinct scent, a bittersweet comfort that you clung to desperately. No amount of spraying with cologne could ever bring back his natural musk that he had, and you would rather die than get rid of it.

Embedded within the flexible fabric were tufts of his fur, some parts adhering more stubbornly than others. As you ran your fingers over these patches, you recalled with a mixture of fondness and anguish his playful complaints about how the suit would cause him to shed. Those light-hearted moments now seemed like echoes from a distant, happier time, making the overwhelming ache of his absence feel much worse.

The team struggled to regroup, attempting to rally support and formulate a plan of action in the aftermath of the blatant slaughter they endured. However, you found yourself emotionally paralyzed, unable to contribute to their efforts. The weight of loss and despair settled heavily upon your shoulders, making even the simplest tasks seem insurmountable. In a daze, you rose from your seat, your movements mechanical and detached from conscious thought. You were on autopilot, nothing else mattered, you couldn’t even think.

You began to pack your belongings, carelessly tossing clothes into a small bag without regard for order or neatness. Your fingers then ghosted over the familiar fabric of his suit, the last tangible remnant of Kurt's presence in your life. With reverence, you gently lifted the garment, cradling it against your chest as if it were a fragile, living thing. This suit, once a symbol of his strength and selfless heroism, now served as a poignant reminder of all you had lost. As you held it close, memories of Kurt flooded your mind, intensifying the ache of his absence and solidifying your decision to depart.

You had no tears left. Not right now.

You took your bag and you left.

The nightmares were relentless, haunting your sleep with disturbing frequency. Night after night, your subconscious mind replayed the horrific scene of Kurt's demise, each detail etched with painful clarity like you were reliving that exact moment over and over again. The vivid imagery of Bastion's merciless act - the brutal impalement - refused to fade. You could still see, with sickening precision, the crimson spray erupting from Kurt's azure lips, staining his chest in a macabre pattern, the life essence dripping down his skin and mocking you. The memory of his lithe form, once so full of life and grace, suddenly tensing and then crumpling lifelessly to the ground as Bastion withdrew his weapon, was seared into your mind.

The physical sensations were equally intense. You distinctly recalled the disorienting waves of heat and cold that washed over you, and the violent tremors that wracked your body as adrenaline surged through your system in rage fueled torrents. The emotional trauma was blatant, manifesting in physical symptoms that left you feeling drained and vulnerable, pathetically and frantically scrambling to get to his side in the middle of the battlefield.

The image of your final moments with Kurt were the worst of it all, your eternal Hell that never ceased. Holding his rapidly cooling body in your arms, you watched helplessly as the light in his beautiful, golden eyes gradually dimmed. Even in his last breaths, Kurt's selflessness shone through, as he valiantly attempted to offer you solace and comfort, despite his own dire circumstances.

Your grief and suffering was a wound that never healed. Each night proved that it would only reopen from the desperate scab it tried to become.

As the years passed, your close friends from the mansion persistently attempted to maintain contact with you, but you deliberately distanced yourself from them. The desire to communicate with them had completely faded, and you found yourself wanting to sever all ties with the X-Men.

Your sole focus became an attempt to carve out an existence devoid of the tumultuous chaos that had been an inherent part of life within that unconventional, misfit family. You couldn’t stand any more pain, the loss you took had been severe, thinking about any of your old friends losing their lives was too much to bear.

You retreated into a life of solitude, taking on a mundane and unremarkable job that offered little stimulation or fulfillment. It wasn't so much living as it was merely existing - a bare-bones survival that felt hollow but required.

Yet, in your current state of mind, this was all you felt capable of managing. The weight of your grief remained a constant companion, refusing to lift even as time marched relentlessly forward. The passage of years did little to alleviate the profound sense of loss that had taken root in your heart, leaving you trapped in a perpetual state of mourning that colored every aspect of your isolated existence.

You tried therapy, for a while.

It didn’t help much.

You were constantly bombarded with well-intentioned but ultimately unhelpful advice. People would tell you to move on, as if it were a simple switch you could flip.

They'd say he was in a better place now, as though that somehow lessened your pain.

They'd remind you that years had passed, implying that your grief should have an expiration date.

But none of these platitudes actually provided any comfort or solace. In fact, being told to move on was perhaps the most infuriating of all. It felt dismissive, insensitive, and completely disconnected from the depth of your loss.

The suggestion to move on ignited a spark of anger within you. How could anyone possibly understand the magnitude of what you'd been through? You couldn't even share the full story with them, the pervasive discrimination and prejudice against mutants still ran deep in society, and you weren't ready to expose that part of yourself.

But regardless of the details you had to keep hidden, the fact remained that you had lost the person who brought light and love into your world. It was as if the sun had been extinguished, leaving you in perpetual darkness. The audacity of someone demanding that you simply move on from such a profound loss was both hurtful and enraging. How dare they trivialize your grief and dictate the timeline of your healing? Your pain was yours to process, and no one had the right to tell you when or how to do it.

You came back from a rather dreary work day, annoyed and angry with the world. It felt so unfair. You wondered if Kurt would be disappointed in the sheer amount of hatred that you allowed to consume you. Did it matter?

As you closed your door, you trudged through your barren apartment, your footsteps echoing in the emptiness. You hadn’t bothered to decorate, it was just you, and when you were home all you did was sleep. No reason to waste money on furniture.

Suddenly, a familiar scent wafted through the air - brimstone. That sharp, smoky odor that had haunted your senses for years now made its presence known once again. The acrid smell tickled your nostrils, bringing with it a flood of memories you'd rather forget. At first, you dismissed it as another phantom smell, a lingering remnant of Kurt that your mind conjured up in moments of solitude. After all, these olfactory ghosts had been your constant companions over the years, taunting and mocking you with their ephemeral nature.

You continued your way through the apartment, your mind wrestling with the reality of the scent. The logical part of your brain insisted it was just another trick of your senses, a cruel joke played by your subconscious. Yet, a small voice in the back of your mind whispered that something was different this time. The smell seemed more tangible, more real than the fleeting wisps of memory you were accustomed to. Still, you pushed the thought aside, convincing yourself it was nothing out of the ordinary.

You were just tired. It had been a long day.

As you rounded the frame of the door, preparing to step into the next room, an inexplicable chill ran down your spine. In that instant, you felt everything around you freeze up. The air grew thick and heavy, as if time itself had come to a standstill. Your muscles tensed, your breath caught in your throat as you looked at the familiar figure laying on your couch.

Kurt smiled at you, his familiar figure rising from his seat. His arms extended in a welcoming gesture, a warmth radiating from his presence that you hadn't felt in what seemed like an eternity. "Liebling...I've missed you so much," he murmured, his voice carrying the same tender inflection you remembered.

Every detail about him was overwhelmingly authentic - from the timbre of his voice to the subtle cologne mixed with that harsh brimstone that always clung to his clothes. Your senses were inundated with evidence of his reality; he wasn't just there, he was undeniably real.

A maelstrom of emotions surged through you, leaving you utterly bewildered.

What the Hell is happening?

The thought ricocheted through your mind, unable to find purchase in the face of this impossibility.

You found yourself frozen, incapable of formulating a coherent response. The shock of the moment had completely blindsided you, leaving you reeling as if you'd been struck. It was as though you were face to face with an apparition, a specter from your past that had inexplicably materialized before your eyes.

But this was no ethereal vision - this was tangible, corporeal.

The absurdity of the situation wasn't lost on you; if this was indeed some sort of phantasm, it certainly had a sick sense of humor.

Your lips parted as you let out a soft, trembling sound, his name barely a whisper escaping through the opening. Your eyes, wide with disbelief, were glued on him, taking in every detail of his familiar yet seemingly impossible presence. His demeanor faltered slightly as he noticed your lack of enthusiasm at his sudden appearance, a flicker of uncertainty crossing his features.

"Ah, liebe...I...understand this might be quite shocking to you..." He mumbled out shyly, his voice a mixture of hope and apprehension as he slowly walked towards you, each step careful and measured. "But, I am back. I am truly here, alive and breathing. Can you see that?"

You remained rooted to the spot, unable to bring yourself to move a single muscle. The overwhelming tsunami of emotions that crashed over you felt like it was too much for your body and mind to handle. A wave of nausea washed over you, making you feel as though you were teetering on the edge of consciousness, your stomach churning violently. The sheer impossibility of the situation threatened to overwhelm you completely.

You couldn't fathom how he could be here, standing in your apartment, flesh and blood, after years of believing he was dead. The grief you had painstakingly lived with, the torturous reminders that mocked you every day - it all came crashing down around you in an instant, leaving you reeling in a maelstrom.

Kurt opened his mouth to speak, sensing the overwhelming shock that had gripped you. He anticipated a joyous reaction, but instead, a heart-wrenching, soul-shattering sob escaped your lips, echoing through the air and piercing the silence between you.

Taken aback, Kurt's body tensed, his eyes widening with a mixture of concern and confusion. This unexpected outburst was far from the jubilant reunion he had envisioned in his mind. The stark contrast between his hopeful expectations and the raw, emotional reality before him left him momentarily stunned.

You had always been strong and level-headed with your emotions, but seeing you like this made him realize his absence and sudden appearance again had clearly done some psychological damage. "L-liebling," he stammered, his voice barely above a whisper, thick with uncertainty and worry.

Hesitantly, Kurt extended his hands towards you, offering comfort and desperate support. However, the fear of exacerbating your distress held him back from actually making contact. His fingers hovered in the air between you, trembling slightly as he grappled with the desire to console you and the apprehension of potentially making matters worse.

Kurt bridged the gap between you with a single, desperate motion, not wanting to watch you sob any longer. His arms enveloped you, strong yet gentle, pulling you against his chest. You felt the solid warmth of his body, a sensation you had been deprived of for what felt like an eternity.

As he held you close, Kurt became your anchor to reality, proof that this wasn't just another cruel dream. His familiar scent washed over you, a mix of brimstone and something uniquely him, further cementing his presence. "I'm here, liebe... I'm here," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "Es tut mir Leid... I never intended to be absent for so long, but... the circumstances of my return are a mystery even to me. Perhaps this is a divine gift, a second chance from Gott…a miracle. Ja?"

His words were soft, barely above a whisper, yet they resonated deeply within you. "I cannot imagine the anguish you've endured in my absence," he continued, his accent more pronounced in his emotional state. As he spoke, his hand moved in soothing circles on your back, a gesture so achingly familiar it threatened to unravel you completely.

In the safety of his embrace, years of bottled-up emotions finally found their release. The dam broke, and you allowed yourself to experience the full depth of your agony, your body shaking with the force of your long-suppressed grief. Kurt held you through it all, a steady presence as you wept the tumultuous sea of your emotions, whispering words of comfort and love in a mixture of English and German.

You don't know how long you cried for.

You felt your body gradually succumbing to exhaustion, your strength ebbing away with each passing moment. What seemed like mere minutes to your grief-stricken mind had, in reality, stretched into over an hour of uncontrollable sobbing. Throughout this emotional display, Kurt remained steadfast, his arms encircling you in an unwavering embrace, not daring to let you go. He bore witness to your anguish, listening intently to every heart-wrenching wail that escaped your lips, each cry a testament to the depth of your sorrow and mourning. He felt so horrible, seeing just how much you loved him and how the grief had overtaken your being.

Kurt did everything in his power to provide solace. He held you close, gently squeezing you with his arms, whispering soft reassurances, each gesture carefully crafted to soothe you.

"I'm here now," he murmured, his voice a balm to your frayed nerves. "I'm not leaving. I promise..." His indigo lips grazed your sensitive temple while he whispered gentle nothings against your skin. The contact was feather-light, yet profoundly comforting. He peppered your clammy skin with tender kisses, unable to hold back on his affections.

The sudden nature of Kurt's reappearance left you reeling. After enduring the agonizing belief that he was gone forever, his unexpected return stirred up a complex cocktail of emotions - happiness, relief, anger. A part of you yearned for the joyous reunion he seemed to expect, but another part bristled at the simplicity of such an notion.

How could he materialize out of thin air, after all the grief and pain you had endured, and anticipate an uncomplicated, happy welcome? You supposed that is his specialty…appearing suddenly in a rapid purple cloud with that happy smile exposing his fangs.

Kurt wanted that happy reunion. He wanted you jumping in his arms and that loving, passionate kiss he dreamt of and missed since his departure from this plane of existence.

But you couldn't give him that. Not now.

For now, you needed his comforting presence more than anything else. Recognizing your emotional state, he gently lowered himself onto the couch, cradling you in his arms. His embrace was firm yet tender, providing a sanctuary where you could finally release everything that had been weighing heavily on your heart. As he held you close, you continued to sob and cry into his chest, each tear carrying with it a fragment of the pain and stress you had been harboring for so long.

Time seemed to stand still as you remained in his protective embrace, your sobs gradually subsiding as exhaustion began to overtake you. He made no move to interrupt this cathartic process, understanding that sometimes silence speaks louder than words. His steady heartbeat and warm presence served as a lullaby, slowly lulling you into a state of tranquility you hadn't experienced in years.

The conversation you needed to have could wait.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, you found yourself drifting into a deep, peaceful slumber - a luxury that had eluded you for far too long. His presence alone had snuffed out the vicious plague that infected your mind, the nightmares that were forced upon you over and over of his gruesome death were destroyed.

For the first time in years, you actually slept.

Thanks for reading.

*BAMF*

Dividers by @/adornedwithlight & @/strangergraphics

Cover image from Nightcrawler #1 (2014)

[theoreticallysweet]

fuck r/systemscringe btw, reddit users (already an ick!) stalking teenagers and mentally unstable people to publicly shame people in their little hate-filled echochamber, constantly looking through tags and shit to find "post material" and stuff. actually disgusting, ive been looking through actives on the sub and a lot of them are like, in their 30s?? while most people on sysblur are like 14-25, ofc theres people who are older but thats the majority. absolutely disgusting

OH and if someone on the reddit posts me, hiii! include my @ in the screenshot im not scared of you chronically online freaks :3

[dark-fuckprincess]

Long Post Abt World Eaters

Working on some World Eaters now. This guy is ready for oils and enamels. I did the armour by stippling with an old brush I have cut specifically for stippling. I did a grey primer and then stippled Celestra Grey, Celestra Grey/white, and then white in limited areas. Then I glazed some blue in the shadows to make the white more vibrant and strictly on the cool spectrum (more colour information is usually more interesting). Difficulty with this method is making sure moisture of brush is removed after thinned paint is applied to brush.

This recipe only took maybe 30 or so minutes to do a majority of the work. Usually my airbrush hits the executive dysfunction part of my brain and makes actually completing a miniature difficult. Taking it from airbrush station back to painting station back to airbrush for varnish back to painting station for oils. Well I've been using oils without varnishes and fine so far.

If I were to do a warm white I'd do less steps on the basecoat and really more on Burnt Umber oil wash. I wonder if I can do something similar with Paynes Grey. Could be an experiment.

This is the same mix but done with drybrushing. It's alright. Not sure which I like better. This one looks more like typical drybrushed crap texture so maybe I'll try tapping the actual brush on a damp sponge.

This is what it looks like as a wip, that horrible texture is less apparent. Still gave trim and blue glazing to do.

Both these look better than my older stippled WE imo

The one on the left is stippled. There is a big contrast in the shadows to the light areas. Just a diffe4ent look that I don't prefer. The one on the right is done with the airbrush.

Looking back a lot of those World Eaters I did don't spark too much joy. Maybe it's just the place in my life I was in at the time. Just bad feelings about them. Learned a lot about painting white though. And hey that Cataphractii on the right above is quite good imo and one of the only Cataphractii I've done that looks good. Those models are not fun to paint for me. They give me the ick. Don't like their shapes. Not friendly to my autism.

As a throwback here is my test model for my World Eaters, the first one I did ever as well as the first model where white was the main colour. The second model I did was greatly improved and was a gift for the girl I just started dating at the time and ofc us being still together I credit to my amazing skill in painting.

This of course in an amazing way fits the grimdark styling of 30k and I quite like it overall. I used a burnt umber/lamp black oil wash and learned the lesson of just how much an oil wash can darken a colour of a piece and progressively over many minis learned to push the white highlights higher and higher to fit my preferences. The Chainsaw is orange because of Chainsaw Man.

I think I'll start posting more of my old minis and projects and such. I have many pictures saved up.

I've been in a good groove with my hobby lately. Time away from painting has given me space away from my habits and a new perspective, learning to detach from old ways and learn new ones.

[ijustsitinacorner]

My stupid little collection so far, my best friend just got me volume 18.

He’s the real one for buying me majority of my Black Butler manga 😭

(I swear I needed to hunt down volume 18 or have someone else buy it for me without my mom knowing cause if she sees a teenager holding a gun ofc she’s gonna assume the worse as a strict religious woman.)

(Yet her daughter loves a story about a thirteen year old who sells his soul to the devil 💀)

(The volume 17 and 19 gap has icked me for the longest time I am so glad I have volume 18 now)

(NO MORE CLIFFHANGER RAHHHHH)

[serendipitous-girl]

Rom-Coms I Have Watched:

ᡣ𐭩 notes: writing this right before i head to bed lol!! I thought this would jst be a bit of fun + i can add to it as i watch more romcoms ☺️ comment your fav romcoms if you want <3

10 Things I Hate About You:

Ugh, I absolutely adore this movie. It's literally one of my top three favorite movies, I love it so much. Patrick Verona is my dream man, I love him with my whole heart. Oh and cutie Cameron, I love him too!!

13 Going On 30

I also love this one! "Mattie!" Although the cheating is an ick so I don't like it as much as the others. It is still a major comfort movie and I rewatch it regularly.

Miss Congeniality

I love love love this movie!! She is such a baddie and impressively not annoying despite having typical "pick me" traits. I think I don't find it annoying because by the end of the movie she learns to love her feminine side and that not every girly girl is a major bitch yk?

Easy A

Iconic and hilarious. Not fully a romcom but def a chick flick so I had to put it on the list. In fact I am hoping to dress up as the main character for Halloween.

She's The Man

Another iconic one. I quote some of the lines regularly (Bros..brothers..brethren?) And I alsl watch this whenever I'm feeling down!! Channing Tatum is also goregous in the movie so i get the hype.

Holidate:

This one was certainly different from my usual movies however I loved it a lot. I am now obsessed with the lead actress and I am going to watch everything she's in. I am also going to be rewatching this movie every Christmas.

How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days

I watched this one the day I am writing this lol! But I loved it, I have "You're So Vain" stuck in my head right now. Andie and Ben were so so cute together and I loved the ending.

Love Actually:

Okay contrary to the track record of opinions, i did not like this movie. A lot of the storylines were terribly sad and not at all putting me in the holiday spirit. However the happy storylines were lovely and if I had a movie with just those, I would love it.

Prom Pact:

Disney actually devoured with this one. It was cute it was funny, it even had a dirty joke! Truly I don't know what drugs Disney was on but I'm sure glad they were on it.

Princess Diaries:

In the books I love her with Michael but in the movies she is so cute w the one guy she is enemies with in the second movie. I haven't seen it in ages but it is still gold.

A Cinderella Story:

Chad Michael Murry will forever be hot and Hillary Duff with forever be lovely. It was cute it was simple, I love it. It's feel good and expected, but what more can you ask for?

Ella Enchanted:

Not sure if people even remember this movie but I love it loads. Anne Hathaway is an icon and ofc they are so cute in this movie! Not to mention the ending is a major classic.

[youremyheaven]

"he really knew how to speak sensually without ever being creepy or vulgar"

The love bombing is one thing but if this happens I'd say the person is quite experienced lmao coz think about it the majority of men here seem to be into vulgar, sexual jokes right in the beginning idk what they're trying to prove but its the biggest turn off to me. (atleast what I noticed in India)

Then you have a guy who doesn't do that but still sounds sexy suspicious!!! Because ofc usne iss desh ka pani piya hai 😃

Also I'm a dog lover but if he looks like a boxer he probably is a boxer 😂🤪

he never said anything about banging me or anything which Ik it's bare minimum but hamare desh ke ladke toh 🤧standards karab kar diya pura ka pura

He sent me Raja Ravi Varma paintings I reminded him of 😭😭😭 and there are some sensual ones (like a lady lying down on a couch with a saree ??? loosely draped??) but that's what I mean, he was poetic and sensual, he only complimented my beauty, never made creepy sex related comments and I guess it's the Mercury + Venus influence because he was soooo smooth and spoke so beautifully ngl 😍✨

I still don't feel like he's a major asshole or anything, he doesn't give me bad person vibes but I also definitely think he's a bit of a womanizer, not in a fuckboy way, he's kinda shy and introverted for that but in a "I'll drool over any hot girl" type of way.

I went through his following and 90% of them are those IG models which made me feel super 🤨but most of them follow him back??? 💀💀 so i was like ?? I guess he's friends with manyyy attractive women 🤨But yeah he likes to look at women for sure and it kind of gave me the ick because my ideal type of man has an IG account that has 3 posts, 500 followers, 200 following (no IG models, bikini models etc only people he knows irl 🤪)

He just acted too good to be true. Who TF sends your own pictures to you and says "I want to wake up next to this every day for the rest of my life" DAYYYS after we start talking 💀💀💀 yeah we've known each other for 10yrs (more like "known of" and HE knew ME but I didn't know him) but still??? Like his love bombing was too intense to be ignored??? Main itni bhi stupid nahi hoon ,, no one is going to find saccha pyaar like this 🤧 so fast

I meant boxer like WWE types 😭not the dog 😭but this is kutta behaviour only

[sapphicsparkles]

r u a pro shipper

deep sigh I know this is bait, with all the effort of not even typing out full words. But hey, here's my chance to rant about how stupid anti/purity culture is. As far as I understand it "proship" has two major slang definitions: 1) supporting romantically/sexually shipping fictional characters together in general 2) supporting romantically/sexually shipping "problematic" fictional characters together I take it this ask is about the 2nd definition. There is ofc the wave of "PROSHIP DNI" on social profiles, especially young queer folks on social media, which I find highly disappointing because here is the thing: what do you consider "problematic?" In what context? And why the hell are we applying these broadly to the exploration and experimentation of fictional space as a qualifier for someone's moral standing? Why are you so adherent to what is considered institutionally approved as safe, good, and squeaky clean. Especially as a queer person who exist outside and in contradiction to cishet heteropatriarchal standards. Oh and now we've come to it: the fear of queerness being associated with things like incest and age gaps and what have you--things people generally deem problematic in shipping. The desire for queerness to be clean and wholesome and fucking acceptable. Model minority thinking if you will. Let queerness in fiction and media be soft and wholesome and healing, let it be deplorable and unforgivable, let it be wretched, let it be mean, let it struggle and grow and evolve. Let it have the breadth and humanity that cishet characters and stories are readily given. Please stop shooting yourself in the foot with this "good representation" thing. No level of internet drama and ship warring will make them want to kill any of us any less. The line for what institutionally acceptable queerness is will always move, it will always constrain and choke and kill and put us back into little boxes fit for consumption by the power structure. On the one hand, if you have things that ick you and you don't want to see, curating your online space is a good thing. That's what muting and blocking and tagging is for. But to me the "prosoship dni"/anti that I've witnessed for the most part is either model minority thinking, a false association with fictional enjoyment as irl condoning and morality, moral grandstanding, or some sort of wack performative tribalism. (Don't even get me started on the purity culture social panopticon we're living in.) Or some combination of the above. This rise of anti sentiment and the fall of media literacy is a correlation that I fear cannot be a coincidence. You can enjoy things in media that you wouldn't actually condone or even enjoy in reality, you can consume and enjoy media while also actively being aware and critiquing it for its flaws, issues, and the context it was created in. Build your critical thinking skills folks. Sometimes it's even good to encounter things you don't like to understand the world and yourself better--to understand why you don't like it and what it is connected to. Build your self awareness folks. In summary: please chill the fuck out y'all and hold grace for others.

[scoonsalicious]

Mother Pookie has fed her kitties well🩷🩷. There’s so many emotions idk which one i should talk about first?😭😂

BUT DANG chap 2.2 is just HOT

I am actually speechless😂 I have nothing to say except I am satisfied.

ITS SO GOOD OMG POOKIE? WHAT R U DOING TO ME? WHATT?!!😫😫

Lemme say, It didn’t take me long to hate Lilian. Like I swear, the moment she fucking said that Major looks like a SKANK gurl, fuck u.

My first impression on Major was like how Bucky saw her, a hot pretty dame that made me giggle like a teenager, making heart eyes and singing the whole world to my dick (if i have a dick)

And then throughout the chp, oh my goodness, I would’ve slap Leah the moment she starts bitching up. Major has a dang ass patience. I couldn’t.

THE THINGS I WOULD DO TO VOTE FOR BUCKYBABY TO BREAK HER HEART IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE (so far she’s 35% in my ‘dead’ list, better fix ur attitude if u don wanna end up like cunthage — ITS JUST BEEN 2 CHP?!)

Lindsay rubs the ick on me more than Jade (ofc Jade is worse but she dead now) but cuntly is so so so so so so so so so irritating. The absolute pick me, so called ‘one of the guys’. Ew. Even half of the team is irked by her attitude. That just says a lot.

Glad that our queen Major put her in her place. She needs more. Like, absolute humiliation (disclaimer: i dont support bullying but LILIAN FUCKING NEEDS IT)

And can we appreciate Wanda simping over Thor?😂 (you are not alone, i also dream of licking his abs — mhmmm)

Bucky and Major are purrrfect for each other. Its giving love at first sight 👀. Bucky simps hard. Like so hard. I can wait for more Bucky X Major scene (fluff,sexay — mayyybeeeee angst? i just love hurt myself)

Also, iMajor and Tony r absolutely gonna be ‘rich business badass besties’ and then them + Sam (Wanda and Nat at the back) roasting Leah. Oh what a beautiful dream~

Anyways, beautiful beautiful writing indeed. Waiting to see Bucky sexay POV next😂 Unleash the power of your blue balls. Also I can’t wait to read what your master brain had planned🌚. Love you Pookie🩷🩷🩷

PS// these past few days I was scrolling tumblr, searching for new Bucky fics/updates and honestly… I MISSED YOUU!!! I CANNOT STRESSED THAT ENOUGH!!! 😭 seeing your username the first thing when i opened tumblr made my night! i was planning on listening to songs, dwelling on my loneliness and delulu but LOOK AT ME NOW, ITS 4AM GOSH. THANK U POOKIE LOVE U HAVE A GREAT DAY

POOKIE! <3

Actual footage of me coming up to love on your comments:

I'm so glad people are enjoying 2.2! I gotta be real, I usually don't get hot and bothered when it comes time write smut, but that section? Whoa, boy... that section had me like:

(Yes, this is my second favorite gif of all time, and I will use Blanche to express my hot and bothered-ness whenever I can, lol)

I gotta tell you right now, the phrase "making heart eyes and singing the whole world to my dick (if i have a dick)" is now the highlight of my week, so I thank you for this. It's pure literary magic <3

Major is used to taking shit from peons; she was a woman in the military, after all, lol, which is why she's able to not let Lily phase her too much. Her patience will be tested, though. Where Cunthrage was just flat out unhinged, Lizard is more... selfishly insidious? Just, you know, she's not going to be kidnapping people and snapping their arms or murderously rampaging through Hydra bases or anything. (The stakes here are much, much lower, lol. Which, I guess, is going to prep us for Unbroken, where the stakes will be... Thanos-sized, lol.) I think what makes Lily feel worse, to me, is that she's far more realistic than Jade was. Like, I know girls like Lily irl; thankfully, never met a Jade (phew!). Much like Killgrave, to me, is the scariest Marvel villain, because I've encountered so many men like him in the real world.

The things I dream of doing to Thor would probably get me put on a list if he was a real person and not a fictional character, lol. Unless I'm doing AUs, I tend to stick with canon-pairings, but there is something about the idea of Wanda/Thor that I currently find very appealing, so hopefully, we will see something happen between the two of them. I think they would be adorable. And for some reason known only to my maker, I love making Wanda a little bit horny, lol. In fact, an earlier draft of Unwanted had Pocket referring to her as the Sokovian Horndog after she made some comments about Bucky's body, lol.

Is it weird that I don't plan on having Tony be too involved in this fic, because I feel like giving him a friendship with Major is like him cheating on his friendship with Pocket? That makes no sense whatsoever, lol, but I'm so protective of my girl. I'm like "Yeah, Major, I'll let you fuck Pocket's boyfriend, Bucky, but YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH HER PSUEDO-BROTHER TONY BECAUSE HE IS HERS!"

Bucky's got some sexy POV in the next sextion (see what I did there? lol) but there's going to be so much more smut in this one than Unwanted. It just feels right, lol.

[ginnsbaker]

Okay hi im back wow visions a dick

I think im confused about everyone’s reaction to the video. For reader i get its upsetting and reopening wounds to have a video of it happening but idk if its just me but if i was in that situation i think i would be more angry he recorded wanda in that way? Especially since reader and wandas relationship had seemed to be improving not saying reader should easily be able to move past it but it happened and they know it happened and they’ve slowly built a civil relationship and seeing it is ofc going to be hard but does it change much? To me I don’t think it would like ofc I wouldn’t like to see it but i would be more angry he recorded her in that way and then trying to sue maybe thats just me tho.

I got a major ick from yelena at the start for going through readers stuff and going to speak to wanda in a way that gave off back off vibes. I don’t think you should do that instead maybe talk to your partner??? unless that person is genuinely not backing off is making your partner uncomfortable then you can get protective. I was glad she got the video and told wanda about it because she definitely needs to know and that she didn’t take it straight to reader (ik she said to wanda she doesn’t need to resort to dirty tricks but she literally just snooped round readers office so 50/50 on this one)

Still glad wanda didn’t lie at all to yelena but still just wondering why shes come to the cafe instead of sitting reader down and talking about it relationships need communication damn it i also think yelena saying wandas not doing a good job of staying away isn’t entirely true i mean they only met by coincidence and other than a birthday message and the running thing its all been about sparky so its not that deep or at least not deep enough to essentially tell her to back off especially without talking to reader first.

I wonder what readers gonna do accept wandas help? Tell yelena? Is reader gonna find out about yelena snooping and how will that reaction go?

Amazing as always and im so excited can’t wait for the next one (cos that means we’re one closer to 17 and you already know how much i need readers reaction to wanda and uou have me so excited for it)

-🧃

For reader i get its upsetting and reopening wounds to have a video of it happening but idk if its just me but if i was in that situation i think i would be more angry he recorded wanda in that way? - Funny that I read this now, since I literally just finished writing a therapy scene for R about her feelings on the video. and spoiler alert: she WAS angry about Vision violating Wanda's privacy. Did she watch the video? We'll find out next chapter.

Yelena's weakness is as a partner is communication I think. I mean, she could've easily just asked R and opened up about her insecurities, but she has the tendency to keep things to herself and find out on her own, and then decide if the things she does find out are worth bringing up (kinda like when she kept the truth about her and Kate from R). It just wanted to show that everyone is flawed. No one is perfect :) Yelena wanted to find out some things because she's too afraid to ask R herself and her insecurities about the relationship is eating at her.

She couldn't go to reader about this because she's afraid of how R will react to her snooping around and to Wanda being a victim of that sort of violation. She's afraid to see the truth that R still loves Wanda.

Thank you for your thoughts as usual :) I love them. Me too, I can't wait for you guys to actually just read everything til the end. Updates won't take long in between once I'm done writing the last chapter/epilogue (chapter 22/23), I'm finishing Chapter 19 as we speak.

[novadreii]

core memory: asking my ex if he could handle cleaning out the dishwasher filter monthly bc it was just disgusting to me lol and i felt i took care of the majority of household chores/shopping/cooking to be able to ask something like that of my man. instead of being like yeah ofc i can do that for you he was like "ugh, i was afraid that was gonna fall on me, it's gross." and did it once kind of reluctantly while being visibly grossed out the entire time, and never did it again. i mean, i shouldn't have even had to ask in the first place, but then getting that childish response and him acting all delicate about it gave me such a terrible ick i couldn't look him in the eyes for a week lmao.

core memory 2: asking for help figuring out a complicated car parts order bc our car needed a lot of work and he vaguely gave me an excuse that work was crazy that he didn't really know car stuff and he didn't have the bandwidth to help me figure it out. i figured it out by googling and sending a diagram of the odd part to my dad to clarify what it did, then coordinated all the back and forths to the mechanic. i felt so let down and unsupported that while i paid for the parts, i let him pay the entirety of the labour which was like triple the cost of the parts. and idgaf. he should have paid for the parts too.

core memory 3: how the day before our last valentine's day he casually texted me from work asking what i wanted for valentine's day. when i had planned a dinner and movie home date and gotten him 2 small gifts and was going to do a couple of cute decorations around the apartment for him. then, when i expressed that i was kind of hurt by his lack of planning and initiative (he could have gotten me $5 flowers and a card omg!!! idc!! just think of and do it yourself), he turned it around on me and ended up being upset himself bc i triggered his inadequacy wound. he ended up getting me walmart flowers with the tag still on and a card with 2 lines in it as per my exact suggestion. nothing more or less. i watched them die and wither on the counter over the next week and it was very symbolic, as 2 days after valentine's day he stormed out to go live with his parents.

core memory 4: how he would always walk ahead of me.

[hydrogenandhelium]

I’m looking for a fantasy writing group. Discord based is great! I’ve never been in one before and online seems a great way to try it out. But if anyone knows about a group local to the SE Houston suburbs (Webster/Friendswood/Clearlake or surrounding areas) PLEASE let me know! Drop it in my DMs or an ask (which I won’t post) if you don’t want it posted up publicly. I can’t promise I’m good at storytelling but I do understand story structure and am decent with grammar so my work (hopefully) isn’t painful to read.

The book I’m working on is a fantasy with a hard magic system, and the story aims to explore ideas around consent—namely who can give it and the consequences of imbalances caused by social power dynamics. That means that my work will come with trigger warnings. There is absolutely no gratuitous SA (it gives me major ick to read it, no way I could write it), but even still I’d need a group where I’d have a space to share some SA and SA-adjacent writing (sex where consent can’t truly be given, and one scene with “normal” violence as a result of saying no, all shared with appropriate warnings ofc) and get honest feedback. If you happen to know of a good group I’d love an invite!

Below the cut is a few things I’d really like to put into the void so I don’t feel like I’m the only one carrying them:

I asked for a raise today at work. I’ve never asked for a raise at a “big kid” job before today so I was anxious as FUCK. I really do deserve it though, I’ve taken on a lot of extra work (I probably should do a post about my job sometime, it’s super cool, I’m a space microbiologist) and my direct supervisor is supporting my request. I asked high, but I’m sure I’ll get a bump even if it’s not what I asked for. I’ll update with the results if anyone seems invested (or honestly even if I just feel like it)

Moving far away from home in your 30s is tough. It’s hard to find new friends when almost everyone you know has families and that’s just not your jam. Like I have friends at work and we goof off and have fun and go for lunch and talk about real life too, but then I come home and every night and all weekend it’s just me by myself. I have made one friend here outside of work but that situation is a little complicated right now and it’s forcing me to realize I should broaden my social circle. Thats partly why with the writing group. I need some motivation to keep writing and I’d love the opportunity to meet new people and maybe not feel so isolated. I mean I’m still in regular contact with some of my friends back home. I don’t feel like no one cares about me, I just feel like I’m not getting enough in-person socializing. It’s weird being an introvert and realizing that even though social interaction is exhausting, it’s still pretty damn essential for my mental health.

I dunno. Any potential interest in hearing about the book I’m working on? I guess I could post the blurb from my NaNoWriMo page. I have the main plot written and am working on the B and C story scenes now. Probably at least 60% through draft 1.

[donttakeitsopersonal]

Idk what it is, if I’m actually seeing something there, or if I’m becoming an old fart or whatever, but there’s just something about TikTok and tiktokers that seriously annoy me/give me major ick.

Idk if it’s the super predatory algorithm, that gives me ick from all social media sites (which is probably why I’ve reverted back here) and that there’s a bunch of kids there (ew get away) and really just a lot of trolls and immature people :1

Also the way someone can go viral so easily is very yikes too. I’ve seen some people that probably never really intended to have so many eyes on them have that happen and how some really can’t handle it, it can really hurt them. And I’ve seen people that did intend to be in the spotlight getting viral off it and how it changes them.

It’s crazy too because there was even someone I knew that it happened to. She was super cool and humble and chill before, she was even fairly popular too on insta and stuff (think like 10K-40K following) but after she started to gain more followers I started noticing a change in attitude…

before when she would talk about her accomplishments it would be in a “I’m so proud of myself for doing this!” “I worked really hard to complete this! I really know what im doing” in more words than that ofc, but then it started to change into a “I completed this, y’all could never” “I made X thing, no one is as good as I am” “I did X and totally changed the game, I am the greatest ever and everyone else sucks” again in more words I’m just capturing the vibes/undertones of the posts.

And with that the way she spoke started to be really misogynistic even tho she was also a woman??? Like wyd calling other women females, and degrading them then turning around and crying about how you hate it when men do that to you? Like make it make sense 🤦🤦 and honestly I think I saw that change happen after she blew up on TikTok.

She started to attack and bully other women that got sponsors when she wouldn’t, and when people would call out her behavior she would play the victim, and act like she’s so perfect and she’s just getting hate for no reason. 🙄 it’s really disappointing more than anything really, like don’t really get what happened, what caused the shift.

It’s crazy too because my room guy was actually childhood friends with her and still talks to her. He was even saying how she completely changed and is too far gone now. It’s sad really, he was super bummed by it understandably.

There’s a lot of people I wish would just be better but they just won’t, and honestly probably never will.

[kwockxpressions]

Mandy Lau

1. Name, Year, Major & Hometown

Mandy Lau, 3rd year psychology major, Hometown: San Francisco

2. What are you most proud of?

I am most proud of me.

3. If you could choose a Sanrio character as a pet, which one would it be and why?

I would pick Cinnamoroll becuase we can fly to places together

4. What is the biggest green flag in someone?

The biggest green flag in someone is when they are emotionally & socially aware.

5. What’s your biggest ick?

When people overuse the word “babe.”

6. If you were Kirby, who/what would you swallow and become?

An airplane because I wanna get to different places fast… and I wanna fly

7. What’s the most embarrassing moment in your life?

Not sure, I do embarrassing things everyday.

8. When’s the last time you cried?

2 days ago? Idk i kinda cry a lot

9. What’s your most used emoji?

The 😗 and the 🥱

10. What do you value in friendship and tell me about your best friend?

I value trust, openness, and loyalty a lot in friendship. I like it when I get to joke around, but also have deep conversations with my friends with zero judgment from each other. I'm just gonna talk about my friends that I’ve known the longest. We met in middle school and the three of us instantly. There definitely have been ups and downs but we’ve stayed friends throughout all these years. We all go to different colleges now, so it’s kind of a long distance friendship, but honestly, I feel like we’ve never been closer. We live our own lives, have our own friends, but still make time for each other. We make an do biweekly check ins with each other and just have our tea spilling, therapy sessions. Yeah, even though we aren’t in the same place, we know who we’re all beefing with, the annoying ass professors each of us have, and ofc the new ‘friend’ we’re getting close with lol. They give me motivation to do the things I want to do and aren’t afraid to be honest with me when I get kinda delulu. Ugh I miss them. Yeah those are my besties. Ok so I’m not at 250 words yet. Let me tell you about more people then. My housemate is kinda cool. My co is pretty cool. Grr. This is 250 words right? I kinda want boba right now. If you're reading this rn.. want to go get some? Let's go let's go let's go!  

[yuttikkele]

I don’t write all too much but i try to sometimes! Usually I try to put my AUs into drawings, but I’m not usually able to draw enough to really put the ALTERNATE into the universe I’m trying to create. I have many multiple things I have to/try to/want to draw. I USUALLY love fanon, really it depends. I usually end up liking most headcanons, but some I don’t. It’s not usually one over the other, just pick and choose yknow. I do respect fanon for the most part tho. I do get the “not wanting to be forced to headcanon the popular thing,” like for some reason d4v3k4t by itself sometimes gives me the ick (probably because of that), but it’s not a bad ship!

also funny you mention omegaverse because omegaverse is genuinely so INTERESTING but it’s just seen as just a “sex thing” to so many people. Like you got a whole new way to be sexist! And to break down more sexism in fiction! Idk it’s just really interesting and I KNOW its whole thing is sorta like a “sex thing,” but its really just so much more than that, and I get a little tired sometimes of people just viewing it as a “sex thing” really because the OTHER possibilities are endless!! it’s a whole universe, and there’s not even set rules for it! I don’t know if I’ve ever read an omegaverse fic where the universe has the exact same rules set!! And I agree, honestly people just using omegaverse to feminize/masculinize men/women and make them just fit into the “normal” (I guess with no better way to say it) alpha wearing the pants situation I find extremely gross. I guess when done right it’s ok, but anyways not the point lol I’m getting off track.

yeah trying to do things out of love rather than spite can be difficult, but it’s definitely so much better frr. not seeing something existing and just being like “oh! I’ll make it then!” It’s just a great feeling when you make it and you’re like, “brilliant.” Ofc just post what you’re comfortable with! But for sure some other people would like to see what you write even if it’s not the majority!

I love story building for my OCs and do typically do most story stuff with them (one of the one things I end up actually drawing yoooo [it’s very seldom]), but I just.. don’t do ship stuff with my OCs. It’s very rare I do unless my ocs’ story is specifically supposed to include a romance. Otherwise, I have a few ships, but absolutely none of them are final. Mostly because I can’t see those characters being together JUST YET, and i think maybe if OTHER people see them and start shipping then i might start shipping them more lol. I know, bringing out the other people knowing about my OCs (obvi not many people do you know how OCs are lol. Just for future purposes). But I am SO INTO fandom ships bro I love them and become COMMITTED!!!!

for undertale: oh my gosh you’ve played the games MORE THAN ONCE and you’re still not too deep into the lore?? Whaaaaat????

It's weird to me people would count both game reguri and manga reguri as the same ship but not palletshipping. I would argue game and manga reguri are as different from each other as either are to palletshipping because the characters' personalities and backstories are totally different. Hell, manga reguri doesn't even have the childhood friends plot point shared between game reguri and palletshipping, so the dynamic's completely different. I feel like they're all different ships but counterparts to each other.

i thought that the fandom had already come to a consensus, and i was just unaware, but i see now that i have struck up a whole Discussion.

Btw anon I agree with you completely! Like I said in the og post, I thought palletshipping would fall under reguri since it’s another counterpart of the ship. Originalshipping and namelessshipping ARE just as different as they are from palletshipping, you’re right!

alas, what i am trying to figure out is if a majority of people classify palletshipping as reguri or not…

[euphorial-docx]

tbh i really miss jegulus bc there’s something inherently romantically poetic about the ship but the majority of the community (not you ofc, and the creators i still follow) give me the ick or have no idea how to not read and comment on a story they don’t like

it’s a constant battle my mind fights every day

yeah there’s a lot of inner battles in this fandom, but i just try to interact with positive people and mind my business. i haven’t had any problems with anyone yet (like problems directed at me solely, not including problems in proximity of me if that makes sense), so hopefully it continues that way!

and yes jegulus is such a romantically poetic ship. i think i’m just drawn to angst of it, as well as the general saddness of regulus’s character. i just love writing him so much.