#and one green flag is when he was talking about some friends’ bachelor parties he mentioned all these super wholesome activities

[abirdonalilactree]

First gay ship I watched that actually became canon. (kinda toxic tho-)

Y'all remember the first time you saw your gay ship become canon? I suppose for many of you it was Supernatural. 

For me it was back in 2013 when the series finale of Rules of Engagement came out, which is pretty early if you are talking about gay stuff. Not only did we get a slowburn spanning over several seasons, it also ended in a gay wedding.

In this essay I will talk about why this ship is so important to me and why it also was toxic as feck.

The show is about two couples and their single friend, all at different stages in their relationships, deal with the complications of dating, commitment, and marriage. From season three on, there kinda is a slow burn until season seven ends with the two unmarried couples getting married as well.

What started as a horrible boss messing with his assistant turned into a surprising love story.

 I'm not sure why I came back to this series after so many years in the first place. Some of the jokes are quite offensive so here is a warning for that. But on the other hand, all episodes are up on YouTube for free soo… Right now, in the September of 2021 we have exactly 20 fics on Ao3 by amazing authors. We are a really small fandom. The show ended in 2013 but like three or four people are still here.

Let me introduce the main characters:

The married couple consists of Jeff and Audrey Bingham. Jeff has been a financial manager and husband of Audrey since 1995. He has a rather deadpan, cold and sardonic personality and sense of self, particularly when dealing with Russell and Adam, but he is not sadistic or unkind, thereby rendering these traits as merely ironic and biting humor. He loves sports, shuns anything that might resemble sensitivity and often views his marriage as a competition or war, refusing to let Audrey "win" the upper hand at anything.

Audrey is an editor at Indoor Living magazine before later resigning and the assertive, modern wife of Jeff. She tolerates her husband's insensitivity because she knows he is not malicious and will do whatever it takes to make the situation right once he realizes his mistake. As a couple, they both can be very condescending and manipulative towards each other, in order to gain the upper hand, and typically don't like to concede to the other that they were wrong.

Adam Rhodes, a sensitive and well-meaning, but extremely naive and super extremely stupid, co-worker of Russell and Timmy, and Jennifer's fiancé throughout the series until they are married in the series finale. He is a neighbor of Jeff and Audrey, looks up to Jeff, and often acts on Jeff's relationship advice -This usually results in making the situation worse for himself. Jennifer Morgan is the fiancée and eventual wife of Adam, who endures his faults because of his good looks. She is very self-conscious of him, and will often try to spare him from embarrassment.

Timir "Timmy" Patel was introduced in season 3 and became a season regular from season 4-7. He first appears when Russell hires him as his assistant.  Although he is fluent in seven languages and holds an MBA, Timmy is often forced to do menial work or to solve Russell's trivial problems which often annoys Timmy. While many of Russell's schemes disgust him, Timmy will often see them through so that he can enjoy Russell's deserved penalty. 

Russell Dunbar on the other hand is wealthy, only due to his trust fund, which he uses to impress and seduce women. He is presented as a seedy and sleazy man who only cares about how many women he can get. However, it is shown that he has a softer side. His relationships within the group are seemingly conflicted, many of the group dislike his behaviour and mock him, as they do everyone else, but it seems that he expresses just as much distaste for them as he does not choose to invite them places unless he needs them to. Through Timmy, he is analysed by a psychiatrist to have sociopathic tendencies which explains his destructive behaviour.

He is also self absorbed and immature.

...But the thing is sometimes he isn’t.

While all three relationships show a lot of signs of toxicity, Timmy and Russell’s relationship is certainly the most destructive one. Which is mostly Russell’s fault.

But let me show you.

From a psychological point of view, their relationship ticks most of the boxes of a toxic relationship.

Toxic communication

Instead of treating each other with kindness, most of their conversations are filled with sarcasm, criticism, or overt hostility. Yet sometimes kindness is in fact seeking through.

Jealousy

There is so, so much jealousy going on. Russell really does everything to not allow Timmy to get together with a woman. Although only as the show goes on, it becomes clear that Russell is jealous because he has fallen for Timmy.

Controlling behaviors

Russell is questioning where Timmy is all the time or becoming overly upset when he doesn’t immediately answer texts are both signs of controlling behavior, which can contribute to toxicity in a relationship. And it gets so much worse than that. But more to that later.

Resentment

Yes.

Dishonesty

Yes. ALL the time.

Patterns of disrespect

Being chronically late, casually “forgetting” events, and other behaviors that show disrespect for each other's time are a red flag. This makes it red flag number six. 

Constant stress

A normal amount of tension runs through every relationship, but finding oneself constantly on edge is an indicator that something’s off. Yet another red flag.

This ongoing stress can take a toll on the physical and emotional health of a person. Which is one hundred percent happening.

Ignoring needs

Going along with whatever one partner wants to do, even when it goes against the wishes or comfort level of the other one. From his first episode in the show on, Timmy is forced to do absurd stuff he doesn’t want to do and honestly no one should do for their boss.

Lost relationships

Stopping to spend time with friends and family, either to avoid conflict with a partner or to get around having to explain what’s happening in the relationship.

Hoping for change

One might stay in a relationship because they see the other person’s potential or think that if they just change themselves and their actions, their partner will change as well. And it’s the little moments when Russell shows for only moments the tiniest bit of being a good person that make Timmy stay with him.

Walking on eggshells

One worries that by bringing up problems, they’ll provoke extreme tension, so they become conflict avoidant and keep any issues to themselves.

Lack of support however is arguably not always one of their problems. But we’ll come back to that.

And still, they share their sweet moments.

The following clip, made by CBS itself shows really well how it is for them to work with each other.

https://youtu.be/GfPI3HgMYoI

And then there is character development. Here the group of friends talks about Jeff lying to his wife about another friends bachelor party because he doesn’t want to spend time with her aunt.

https://youtu.be/LQPIFcrBltQ

Russell doesn't want to get married, clearly. This clip also conveys pretty well how horrible those people are. 

There is this tension and the gay jokes. This clip also shows really well how manipulative Russell -tries- to be.

https://youtu.be/XkdycXzX4ag

And then there are moments like these: In season 6 Timmy wanted to impress a woman who only wants to date singers so Russell teaches him how to play the guitar with the ulterior motive of Timmy embarrassing himself in front of the whole company. This idea backfires when Russell realises that he can’t watch Timmy suffer like that and he joins on stage and they start this duet that’s like super gay.

https://youtu.be/UH3P_LfBBQo

To be with you by Mr Big is an interesting choice of song. -Not only because it’s quite romantic but also because the lyrics seem to be surprisingly fitting at second glance.

Let’s analyze it because Music is an important aspect.

“One of the great unrequited love songs, "To Be With You" has a true story behind it. Mr. Big lead singer Eric Martin wrote the song when he was still a teenager - 16 or 17 in his estimation. The girl was Patricia Reynolds, and he had it bad for her.

"We were really, really good friends," Martin said in a Songfacts interview. "I was totally enamored with this woman. She was beautiful. Smart. I mean, brains, beauty, break down the walls, made me crawl on my belly like a reptile!

I just loved this woman, but she just wanted to be my friend. She'd have tons of boyfriends, and maybe she misconstrued promiscuity for love. But I wanted to be the knight in shining armor. That's what I was, a knight in shining armor. But basically, I didn't get my feet wet. I wrote it about how I would have done anything to just be more than a friend and a confidante."”

-https://www.songfacts.com/facts/mr-big/to-be-with-you

So much to the history of the song. Do you see the parallels? Do you see them? Do you?

Anyway. When Russell joins Timmy on the stage, he starts with the lines:

Build up your confidence

So you can be on top for once

Wake up, who cares about

Little boys that talk too much

I think this has to be taken literally. Not sure how much I should go into detail here. 

This however brings us back to the point of support from our list earlier.

I've seen it all go down

The game of love was all rained out

So come on baby, come on over

Let me be the one to hold you

I'm the one who wants to be with you (I'm the one, yeah)

Deep inside I hope you feel it too (feel it too)

Waited on a line of greens and blues (waited on a line yeah)

Just to be the next to be with you

That’s kinda Gay.

There are jokes all over the seasons that Timmy and Russell are gay but it becomes most clear that Russell is in love with Timmy, in the last season, when Timmy leaves to go on vacation and Russell misses him so much that he gets a girlfriend and turns her into a copy of Timmy.

Things get worse when Timmy finds out that Russell completely lost his marbles and chipped him to always know his whereabouts. This finally makes Timmy leave the company and get a new job where he finally gets treated with respect. It is shown how they miss each other despite everything. But then Timmy loses his work Visa which turns out to be completely Russell’s fault.

Right after Jenn and Adam marry in the last episode, Russell proposes to Timmy so he can stay in America but it becomes clear that there is more than his conscience that made him do this.

Russell turning his girlfriend into Timmy. (There is no heterosexual explanation for this):

https://youtu.be/sX1xTybc6vI

Timmy finding out how much Russell really stalks him. (like. he is totally in love with him):

https://youtu.be/jPWKdwpXCLU

Their Wedding (seems pretty gay to me):

https://youtu.be/Ymp-zaTmnD8

 You need to see the whole show as it is. A bunch of horrible people that are made fun of.

Furthermore you could argue that they don’t actually kiss. But maybe marriage is even more meaningful. 

I suppose that since we get so little representation, we like to clasp onto everything we can get. Because when I watched this I was too young to understand how offensive the shit they talk about really is. But after all it meant a lot to my gay little heart.

So many years later I gotta say that it needs to be said that it’s a toxic relationship after all. Don’t try it at home. Don’t try it with your boss or assisstant.

In the end it’s a green card marriage. But there is this whole arch of Russell falling in love with Timmy. Most clearly in the last three episodes but also starting a lot earlier. It’s a slow burn after all. It’s never said out loud but we got two bisexual characters right there.

Now I’m asking around my friends what their first gay ship was that became canon. The results really show that we don’t get enough representation in series. Just wow.

Hannigram became canon. kinda. They jumped off a cliff together instead of kissing. That one dude from supernatural you guys keep talking about got sent to super gay hell after confessing.

What I want to say is I just wanna see a healthy gay ship become canon some day.

Thanks for reading!

...So what was your first gay ship that became canon? 

[laketaj24]

Careless: Chapter 1: Sober

A/N: Hey!!!! This is a continuation to Thoughtless! It doesn’t explain characters, so catch up HERE ON THOUGHTLESS! This is Ivar and Leela’s Story! I hope that you all enjoy! And I hope you don’t mind if you were on the Thoughtless Taglist you got added to this one lol If you want to be added or removed please say the word! Let me know what you guys think!!!! (Moodboard by yours truly)

Warnings: SMUT, LANGUAGE and ANGST.

This was not like most nights. Most nights Ivar was out with Hvitserk, Sigurd and Alfred completely wasted out of his mind and terrorizing the city but tonight he just wanted a drink. He sat Kalf’s bar alone with an almost empty glass of whiskey and too many thoughts. Tomorrow there would be a shit ton for him to do. Work. Balloons. Preston’s Party. It was amazing how he never imagined that he would be a good uncle. Simply because he was impatient and easily annoyed, but surprisingly he was good with Preston. He was always good with Preston.

Kalf poured him another belt of whiskey and leaned against the counter. “Your dad know you’re out on Tuesday getting lit?”

“Are you gonna tell him?”

“No?”

“Then why does it matter.” He smiled chugging down the whiskey.

“Where’s the crew?”

“Hvitserk is studying for some test. Alfred is sleep, because he’s lame. Sigurd is a dick.” Ivar laughs and reaches in his pocket for his cell phone. Of course Freydis had called him three times. She didn’t quiet understand this friends with benefits thing. He liked her conversations and ass, he didn’t want the long walks on the beach or the car drives, especially if they didn’t end with a blowjob. He didn’t want it with her but she still tried and clung onto to hope he didn’t quite understand. He slides the green button over on his phone. “Frey.”

“Ivar, where are you? I stopped by the apartment and Hvitserk said he hadn’t heard from you.”

“Drinking.” He pauses. “Why did you stop by?”

“I forgot my charger and I don’t get paid till next week. I can’t afford to keep buying things that I leave at your place.”

“Oh, okay.”

“You want company?”

“No, I have that travel nurse route in the morning and then I have Preston’s party.”

“Oh, am I still riding with you?”

“Uhm…. Yes.” He drags. “Could you meet me at my place at like three? I have to come home after work and change clothes and grab some damn balloons.”

“Great, I’ll send you then. You’re not driving are you? You sound drunk.”

“Kalf is giving me a ride.”

Kalf nods his head listening to Ivar lie and waits until he hangs up to address him. “Why do you always drag me in lies with that chick?”

“Because,” There is no real answer so he leaves the sentence hanging.

The silence lingers until the door chimes. The glass door opens and Leela steps into the bar. Ivar glances over at her trying not to let her know his heart just dropped to the floor. He inhales, and exhales then does a low grown. “What the fuck?” He whispers. “Can you call me a cab?”

Kalf hands him the phone book. “You know how to dial Lothbrok Jr., I can’t believe a girl got you jumping?”

“No.” He slides the phone book across the bar, sliding his phone back in his pocket. How was he gonna hit that door without her noticing him? He looked around the room using his camera then decided the back was the best way. He drapes his jacket over his shoulder and hops own from the stool.

“Ivar!” Kalf yells at him with a devilish grin on his face. “Forgetting something?”

He slides his card across the bar with slanted eyes and his lips in a smug line. “You’re a fucking dick.” He whispers hoping that she didn’t hear Kalf say his name.

“What was that Ivar?” Kalf is amused at the red blush that’s taken over Ivar’s face from anger or Leela.

Leela waves giddily at him, flagging him to come over. Ivar all but punches him. “I can’t go over there.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t and you’re a fucking dick.”

“Don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol, Ivar.”

“Fuck you and my dad still fucks your wife. Drown that in alcohol, ass.” He grins giving him small head nod before turning to face Leela. She looked the same, her long straight hair, waved own her back and her hips were still wide and curvy. “Leela.”

“Ivar! I thought that was you.”

She acts as if she didn’t abruptly end things with him shattering his world, even now. Ivar wants to leave her where she is standing, but he didn’t. He breathes. “You look well, still taking kids?”

“Still cheery as ever I see.” She nods her head. “I was going to call you and talk to you about some things.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No, I didn’t. I didn’t think you would answer, which from the sound of your shitty drunk attitude, it appears I was right.” She places her hands on her hips and sighs. “Why are you out alone?”

“I’m out alone because I like being by myself thanks to you Lee. Now, if you would excuse me I have to get an Uber so I can get home. I have to work in the morning.”

“I’ll drive you. My friends haven’t even made it here yet. Do you want a ride?”

“No.”

“Then goodbye.”

Ivar heads towards the door taking three steps. Each step is an internal battle with his conscious. Everything in him told him to leave her where she stood. But then another part of him, the part that thought he was done with her slapped him. He stopped and walked back to her. “Yes.”

“Good stubborn ass.” She tries not to blush grabbing her purse and waving at a worried looking Kalf on his phone. They leave the bar together in silence.

Ivar didn’t want to admit to her what he’d gone through, feeling nothing for months. He didn’t want her to know that he never thought that the little ache in his heart would ever go away. But he can’t help watching her strides, how she technically drags one foot every third step. He can’t help watching how she still loses her keys when they are in her hand or how she rambles even though he isn’t talking back to her. He doesn’t want to admit that everything about her is what he has missed.

The Neon past quickly and she’s in front of the apartment complex watching him drunkenly trying to press the pin to enter. He does it wrong three times and finally she leans over and presses the pin for him. “Will you be able to make it up stairs?”

“Yeah.” He leans his head back on the headrest and sighs. “You want to talk?”

“Yes…” Leela’s heart leaps.

“Come on up.”

Leela had a list of things she wanted to say to him, apologies and such. But her time away from him had been changing. She had to change who she was to realize how selfish she might have been. The apartment is big and looks expensive. She takes in all the royal blue and the chrome. It was definitely a bachelors pad.

“This is nice.”

He stumbles placing his keys down and puts his finger over his mouth. “Alfred and Hvitserk are sleeping.”

“Alfred is dating Hvit?”

“No, they have their own rooms.” He laughs and grabs the whiskey from the fridge. “Come on.” Leela goes up a few stairs and turn to the left. He opens the door and the room screams Ivar. Black out curtains and black comforters. No other color existed. He lays down on the bed opening the bottle.

Thirty minutes later, they’re both wasted. Ivar’s laughing and singing Bruno Mars into the bottle. He never sung for anyone else but her. She loved that with her he could be his true self. Leela watches and then grabs her phone singing the next verse of 24k like it’s a ritual. He’s mesmerized. She’s horridly off key but it’s the most perfect sound he’s ever heard.

All of his anger floods from him as he leans towards her. He kisses her slowly at first and then remembering how she tastes he gets more eager. His lips intertwine with hers, the whiskey tastes mingles between the both of them. He doesn’t care what happened, all he can think about is how he’s gonna devour her. Leela’s races her finger through his hair soaking in his groans as she tugs at the long brown mane playfully. He rolls on top of her and their drunken laughter takes over as his hands go from caressing her thighs to barely tickling behind her knee. She rives in laughter trying to escape him but it’s pointless as he gets lost in her laughter and the way she snaps her eyes completely shut every time.

“I missed you.” He admits.

“I missed you.” Leela’s eyes are on his watching them light with a small fire and he is back to kissing her. Ivar doesn’t miss an area of her body peppering kisses upon her body as if she was a goddess. “We should talk.” She moans as he tosses her underwear to the ground. But they are past talking he reaches for whiskey pouring a small shot into her belly button. He drinks it from her trailing his tongue to her lips pushing between them. Her hands clasp the bed and then he’s back to her stomach and working his way back up to her face. She doesn’t want to say no to him. She’d had too many dreams about what he had done to her to say no.

“We can talk tomorrow.” Ivar pushes into her, and he feels at home. She’s warm around him gripping greedily and he had just started. He lifts her legs pressing them up to her chest. Leela is reminded how big he is and how deep and long his strokes were, she catches her breath. “Oh fuck,” She yells. Ivar loves how merciless he is to her, making her lose it. Leela’s need for control was always lost when they were in the bedroom. “Ivar…” She says losing it.

“Say my name again baby.” He goes faster pushing her legs back down, laying on her chest to chest. She felt her heart flutter. He coaxed her body to the brink as he delved deeper in her. Her pussy clinched and shook with the rest of her body and Ivar craved to have that feeling again, going hard and rubbing circles amongst her clit. “That feel good?”

“Fuck, fucking…” She continued t chant her profanities beating her hands against the head board causing for the sound to echo around the room. Ivar swells inside of her feeling the surge of his climax over take him.

Ivar couldn’t see but he felt her warm legs intertwined with his and her fingers twirling around his hair. What the fuck had happened? He groans. Her hair isn’t blond. This is not Freydis. He leans over and gets his glasses from the night stand and slides them on his face. Leela. Fuck.

Ivar looks through his phone. He missed work. And he had slept over work and getting the balloons for Preston’s party. He shifts from under her throwing his legs off the bed. He didn’t remember much. He remembered the ride home and he remembered the alcohol. But he didn’t remember fucking her. This was not good.

“What’s wrong?” She rolls over revealing his shirt and panties. If they slept together he’s sure she would have slept naked.

“I don’t know what happened.” He chuckles. “Fuck.”

“We fell asleep after we fucked.” She gets out of the bed. “We didn’t get to talk like we planned.”

He had slept with her. Flashes of her calling out his name come back to his memory. He gets hard again just thinking about the way she begged to come and the way she felt when he did. He doesn’t face her staring at the mirror. He throws his hair in a bun.  “Why would we talk?”

“Because we said we were going to,” Leela slides her pants on and removes his shirt.

“I was completely faded last night.” He admits.

“Meaning…”

“Freydis is going to be here in fifteen minutes and you need to go.” There was no emotion in his voice as he opened the bedroom door. “Please.”

Leela sits on the bed fixing her hair. There is no rush for her, he had said they needed to talk. It was the reason she’d came back to his apartment. She applies some lip gloss and then slides into her heels. One thing she hated the most was the walk of shame, but this time it was nothing she felt shame for, she opened the door. Hvitserk and Alfred sit at the bar and wave at her.

“Hvitserk, what you cooking?” The bacon hits her nose and she leans against the counter. He’d always been her favorite brother, the nicest one of the bunch.

“Pancakes and bacons, you want some?”

“No. I’ve been told I had to leave.” Leela smirks at Hvitserk who rolls his eyes.

Alfred nods his head. “He’ll come around, selfish as hell though.”

Leaving the apartment, her eyes well. The reunion had almost been blissfully perfect. They even almost kissed, but drunk Ivar was easier to deal with than sober Ivar. Sober Ivar remembered everything and held grudges. Leela pushes those tears back adjusting her seat and notices the petite girl knocking on the apartment door. Ivar answers the door, kissing her check and closing the door after they are both in.

Her fingers seemed to dial Y/N’s number quicker than she can think. Y/N answers on the first ring with an exasperated sigh. “Ubbe! Just put the pool in the grass! It’ll grow back!” Leela hears Ube arguing with her in the back ground and his voice fades. “Hey, Lee!”

“Bitch, why didn’t you tell me that he had a girlfriend.”

“Who is he?”

“Ivar.”

“I don’t know his personal life anymore. I don’t have time to keep up with it. Last I knew he was friends with benefits with Frey.”

She’s quiet for a moment leaving the parking lot. “I am not coming today.”

“Yes,you are!” Ubbe yells in the background.

“Ubbe says yes you are.”

“I can’t go. I don’t want to see him.”

“Too fucking bad.” He yells.

Ivar parks the motorcycle on the pavement in front of their home helping Freydis off the back. The sign in the front yard was clearly Ubbe. Lothbrok Jr. turns 1. He doesn’t knock walking into their home with no balloons and technically late. Ubbe hands him a shirt. “Put it on. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Godfather.” He rolls his eyes. “I’m not taking pictures in this shit.”

Freydis sits with Y/N at the table helping her create the small baggies. So, Ivar pulls Ubbe out back. “Is Lee coming?”

“Yes.”

“Tell her it was cancelled.”

“What the fuck is up with you two? I’m up to my damn ears in baby shit and birthday cake.”

“I was at Kalf’s last night and she came. We drank, talked and we fucked.”

Ubbe extends his hand to high five Ivar that is not reciprocated. “Yes, I was supporting this couple all along.”

Ivar’s mouth drops as he pushes Ubbe. “I don’t want her. She definitely had her chance and she didn’t fucked up. I’m trying to work on something with Freydis. And I can’t hide my facial expressions.”

However Ivar felt was plain on his face, everyone knew it. He sucked at cards and he didn’t mind telling you how he felt because it was written all over his face anyhow. “That’s not my problem.”

“It’s about to be your damn problem,” Ivar leaned against the wall.

She arrives after a few minutes after everyone else with gifts. She places them down and heads in the kitchen trying not to hyperventilate at the sneer he gave her. “Don’t hit this dude in his face.” Leela says to herself. “Don’t do it. Leela, you went to anger management to prevent shit like this from happening.” She fixes herself a glass of water and chugs it down, not realizing he was behind her. “Why are you in here?”

“Because, I have to get the cake. But you’re standing in front of the damn door. Move please.”

“You said that we would talk last night.”

“I don’t know what I said last night.” He chided retrieving the white cake from the fridge. “So, yeah.”

“You think you can fucking use me and then treat me like this, Ivar? I’m not some whore you fuck when you want. I’m Leela.” Her whisper fills the empty space before them. “You’re treating me like a stranger.”

“I know who you are Leela, you’re the fucking bitch that left me hanging when I thought we were gonna get married and have a family. That’s how I know you now!” His voice is loud and full of hurt.

“Bitch.” She shakes her head.

“Yes.” He smiles.

Leela reaches under the cake slamming it in his face. “Fuck off Ivar.”

Hvitserk enters the kitchen as Leela pushes pass grabbing her purse and keys. Ivar’s face is covered in white icing. “Cakes ruined.” Hvitserk laughs. “I told you to let me do it Ubbe!”

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[thelasthundredmiles]

January 24th, 1981

Weighing 150 pounds is tantamount to being happy. It is only when I am that weight that I feel really good about the way my body looks, and consequently how comfortable I feel about sex. After four days of strict observance, I went off my diet yesterday. My last day at work and Don had planned a lunch for me at McCann's across the street from Gimbel's and not having a couple of beers withe the boys and a hearty lunch just seemed inappropriate. I was flattered by this show of well-wishing on their part. That job has just left such a horrible taste in my mouth, I was so unhappy doing it that I'm surprised that I did it well. Everyone hated to see me go. Every job I've ever had has resulted in strong feelings for some of the people. Even my short term at JWT caused some tender feelings when I left. Yesterday as I walked down the hallway toward the elevator, I just breathed a sigh of relief and thought to myself "Whew, you barely survived that one." So, I drank and ate with the boys and later in the afternoon the office had a little wine and cheese party in Terry's office. I was up from all the excitement of leaving and Allan and I decided to go uptown for drinks after work. A real rarity. This winter has been so brutal that even going out for drinks in the neighborhood has seemed an effort. We met at Cahoots, a first visit for both of us. The bar is nearly empty. A pretty man plays the piano and several other pretty men stand around the piano and drink. Two business men sit at the bar and talk. A solitary bearded guy sits at the end. Allan and I stand against the wall and have a draft beer. For a change both of us are in office clothes. We leave after the drink and walk several blocks out of the way as I attempt to intuitively find the Wildwood, where I had gone several time last summer. Finally we stop at a phone booth and I called information. It turns out, it was close to Cahoots, which we had been walking away from. The bar is comfortable, we both like it. But it is also nearly empty and the crowd is huddled at the bar, neighbors. Allan and I stand against the wall and eat peanuts and drink beer and leave after the drink. We take the subway home, but I stop at Gimbel's where I have left a package. The package (coffee cup from the office, layouts on the Garfinckel's book, roses as a going away gift from Rosann and a banana and an orange leftover from lunch on Tuesday) was not where it was supposed to be and the guard and I had to look for it for 15 minutes. At home, my mother's Christmas package to me had arrived, a huge cardboard box that was battered and torn. I dragged it up to the apartment where Allan already was. I opened the box expecting just maybe the leather jacket that I had hinted I wanted. Inside, I found a horrible middle-aged man J.C. Penny coat of fake suede and polyester pile lining. Just dreadful. Also a really tacky bathroom ensemble made of lurid shiny black polyester velour. Imagine: a fuzzy seat for the toilet. Curiously, she had also included two worn bath towels, one green, one red (for padding perhaps?) and a Crisco can full of marvelous homemade fudge and divinity and some other kind of candy. Rene had sent me a bottle of really nasty cheap after shave called "Flag and Sails" which he had wrapped completely in heavy grey industrial tape.

There was an address book titled "Red Hot Numbers" for straight men with cute little pictures of girls dressed as angels and pictures of devils with pitchforks. It was for meant for rating their dates as saints or sinners. Some couple, friends of mom and Rene's. I can only imagine the scene when they joked to my mother about sending that bachelor son of hers an address book to keep score of all those women. And of my mother, and Rene, not saying anything. The box of presents depressed and saddened me. All this cheap merchandise. Makes me feel so sad for the awful world these people inhabit. These poor people are so dumb, and god dammit, they're my family. They're so ignorant and their lives are so hard and mean. They have no spark, no verve, no imagination, their joys are so simple-minded. These are working class people with no intellectual capacity. I love it when my family and I remain at a healthy distance. But boxes full of their sadness arrives at my door. Visits home make me face them directly. I like to pretend that they are just a normal middle American family living out of the heartland. But when I really have to deal with them I am appalled at their lack of intelligence. It scares the wits out of me to realize how stupid my family is. Although I admire in remote ways certain characteristics and values of these people, that doesn't cause me to want to have them in my life. I do not want to play a substantive role in their lives either. So play the role of son, grandson, and nephew from long distance and connect to their real life only under duress. So tonight my mother sits in her double-wide trailer in Mississippi and wonders if her faggot son got his Christmas. I would call her and thank her, but she's probably drunk by now.

So ate fudge and drank white wine and had Chinese carryout for dinner and watched television until both of us fell asleep. Then he left for Boots and Saddles and I pulled my Futon out and went to sleep watching television.

Today, I walked to Allan's apartment. His friend Joe was just getting there as I arrived. Beautiful day. Not too cold. Good to be out walking and New York shined like a jewel. Allan I bought an ounce of grass from Joe and split it. Joe and I sat at the table and had coffee (actually he had tea) and he told us all about his plan to go into business for himself. With friends, he is planning on opening a messenger service. Then Allan and I took the subway to Times Square and met Diane at Leowe's theater and saw Altered States. I loved the movie. Afterward, Times Square was grey and neon and rushed with crowds of people. New York, I love you. We had coffee at Howard's and then Diane went home and Allan and I came downtown and went to Boots. I had two sodas with a twist (my diet cocktail-- I chug them) and decided I couldn't stand just standing around the bar. So I left Allan there and went to Sloanes, my favorite grocery store. At home, I had my broiled chicken and salad and drank diet soda and smoked dope and tried not to think of the fudge in the refrigerator. John called late last night and made a date with me for tonight. By 8:30 I knew I had been stood up and was relieved to know it.

[zephfair]

Day 23 Bar AU Grimmichi

Day 23: Bar AU

Ichigo comes in to celebrate with his friends. Grimmjow is the hot bartender. A fight ensues because this is Ichigo’s life.

Just a quick trope-filled one for today because I’m trying to catch up.

NOTE: This is obviously a work of fiction. Please don’t get in bar fights, kids. Violence is never the answer.

Rated: T for the fight and one mention of blood. And alcohol.

“It’s supposed to be a bachelor party—lighten up, Ichigo!” Keigo yelled at him over the chaotic noise of the bar.

Ichigo just rolled his eyes as they looked around for seats, but he did try to loosen his typical scowl. He didn’t want to ruin his friends’ night, even if he didn’t really drink and he definitely didn’t enjoy crowds.

He’d gone past the neighborhood bar a lot of times, but it had never looked as busy as it did that night. Figured. There was apparently some kind of important sports game on because all the TVs were blaring and fans were clustered underneath them, screaming or booing in turn.

Ichigo was too busy with med school to waste time going out anymore. But, it seemed important to help celebrate Ishida’s upcoming wedding. When they did actually meet up, Ichigo always felt like Ishida was silently judging him, just because Orihime had had a silly crush on him in high school.

Ichigo was happy that things had worked out the way they were meant to, and he was nothing but pleased for Ishida and Orihime. In fact, he was a little amused at how shell-shocked Ishida still looked about the whole thing, as though he was just now realizing he’d finally grown the balls to ask Orihime for a date, let alone actually ask her to marry him.

Ichigo knew that Ishida had just as few friends as he did since the only times they saw each other were on campus, but leave it to Keigo to rally the guys still in town and propose a night out. As much as Ichigo didn’t like the rowdy bar, it was definitely worlds better than a strip club.

Mizuiro finally pointed at a table and pushed his way through the throng, Ishida, Keigo and Chad following him. Renji nodded at the bar, “We might as well go get a couple pitchers. They’re too busy to have table service.”

“Good idea,” Ichigo agreed and followed him. The bar was standing room only, but Renji pushed his way in and cleared a path for Ichigo.

There were two women behind the bar, moving in efficient, coordinated tandem. It looked like they were used to serving the chaos and knew how to handle it. Renji placed their order and Ichigo leaned back to wait.

“You need anything?” a deep voice asked from behind the bar. Ichigo turned to see a big guy with blue hair had just taken a place behind the taps.

“Nah, we’re good,” Ichigo said.

The guy went on drawing drafts and looking at Ichigo. The green-haired bartender slid over two pitchers and a stack of glasses to Renji in exchange for his card. Ichigo took the glasses carefully and turned right around into Keigo.

“Aw, beer? I want a Sex on the Beach. Or a Slippery Nipple.”

“You don’t even know what those are. You just like the perverted names,” Ichigo said.

“Bartender!” Keigo leaned around him to see the big blue guy. “Give me a Blow Job! No, make it two Blow Jobs!”

Ichigo choked on his own spit. He glanced at the bartender who just raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Let me guess,” he said, “bachelor party?”

“Yeah!” Keigo cheered and Ichigo wondered if he hadn’t pre-gamed. The people on either side of them were looking unimpressed as well. “Now, my Blow Job!”

“Keigo, take these glasses back to the table with Renji,” Ichigo shoved the glasses into his hands and turned him in the right direction. “I’ll get your drink.”

Keigo started winding his way through the crowd, and Ichigo turned back to the bartender. “Sorry about that.”

“No problem. I’ll have your drinks in a minute. You the groom?”

“Thanks. Oh god, no, I’m not getting married.” The bartender nodded, and Ichigo watched distractedly as he worked and joined the two women in an intricate dance around the limited space behind the bar.

He had some cash ready when the bartender sat down a shot glass and a cocktail glass in front of him. “What’s that?” Ichigo stared.

“The shot is your friend’s. The Screaming Orgasm,” the bartender smirked with a flash of bright teeth, “is from me to you. You look like you could use it.”

Ichigo felt the flush of heat rising up his neck and hoped the darkness of the bar would cover his blush. “Holy shit,” he blurted.

The bartender leaned over the counter. “The first one is free. But you’ll be back for more.”

“Oh god,” Ichigo muttered as he tried to pick up the drinks without spilling.

“It’s Grimmjow, actually. You are?”

“Ichigo,” he said and added, “Thanks. For the drinks. They look good. Bye.”

And as Ichigo weaved his way back to the table, he thought this is why I don’t date because my smoothest comeback is thanks, they look good.

He decided to spend the rest of the evening with his head down, preferably drinking as much as he could handle without having to talk to the hot bartender again.

Only his friends weren’t privy to his plan. Ichigo didn’t even get any of the beer from the first round, but he ponied up some money for another round and assorted greasy foods that Chad and Mizuiro went up to order.

Unfortunately, Chad came back with another drink that he set in front of Ichigo. In his usual quiet tone that Ichigo had to strain to hear, Chad told him, “The bar guy said this is a Quick Fuck, but if you prefer, it doesn’t have to be fast.”

Ichigo did a literal spit take then wiped quickly at his mouth. His eyes went right to the bar where of course the bartender was watching him with a grin. Ichigo sucked in a breath and drank a sip while making eye contact with Grimmjow. Like hell he was going to give the bastard the satisfaction of seeing him embarrassed again.

“Ichigo found a boyfriend!” Keigo crowed and even Ishida smiled a little along with everyone else.

Ichigo ignored the teasing and went back to eating fries with Chad.

The bar was getting louder and stuffier as the sports game seemed about to come to a climax. Ishida got to his feet to go to the bar, but Ichigo pushed him back down. “This is your party, we’re not gonna make you pay.”

Keigo talked his ear off as they waited to get up to the bar, so Ichigo was glad when he could finally flag the green-haired bartender and place their order. He thought he was off the hook when Grimmjow was working the other end of bar until he slid a glass over on a cardboard coaster.

He looked Ichigo straight in the eye as he said, “This is my version of a Leg Spreader. Let me know if it’s working.”

Ichigo absolutely did not whimper. Keigo absolutely did howl with laughter. He was still laughing uncontrollably as they pushed their way back to their table.

Then it happened. Someone pushed their chair back right as Keigo was trying to squeeze behind it, and it pinned him against another occupied chair, making him yelp and tip the pitcher of beer over. Of course the beer spilled on the two people sitting at the other table who shouted and swore. Ichigo could only stand there and watch it all go down.

Keigo was spouting apologies and trying to move, but the woman in the chair was confused by the noise and turning to look so she wouldn’t pull her chair back in. One of the guys who was dripping beer jumped to his feet and got in Keigo’s face, and Ichigo knew he’d have to get involved.

“Hey, just cool it. It was an accident,” Ichigo said as he pushed the woman’s chair in with a polite “excuse me” and pulled Keigo free to stand beside him.

“That fucking moron poured beer all over me!” said the man still sitting down and wiping his face with drenched napkins.

“Yeah, he’s a moron, but he’s our moron,” Ichigo said. “Why don’t I buy your next round and we call it even?”

“Like hell!” The guy started to stand up and kept on standing up like something out of a bad sitcom. Ichigo had to tilt his head back to look into his eye and eyepatch. He had to be seven feet tall.

“I don’t want any trouble,” Ichigo warned him as his friend moved toward Keigo.

“Well, this isn’t your lucky day.”

“It never is,” Ichigo sighed. Then he felt someone at his back and looked around to see his friends gathering behind him.

“What’s going on here,” Ishida asked calmly.

“Your fucking friend poured beer all over us, and we’re going to make him clean it up,” the giant said. He reached out and shoved Ichigo who rocked back on his heels.

His buddy took a swing at Keigo who actually managed to duck it. Chad reached over and grabbed the guy’s fist.

Ichigo exchanged looks with Ishida and thought about a video game they played when they were young. “Remember the Menos?” he said to Ishida who pushed up his glasses.

He sighed. “Your ideas are the worst.”

“Yeah.” Ichigo ducked the giant’s fist coming for his ear and kicked out, sweeping the giant’s feet out from under him, and bringing him down within arm’s range.

Then it began.

Ichigo had never been involved in a bar fight and never thought it was actually a real thing. It was kind of interesting all the more provocation it seemed to take to spark, ignite and fuel what soon turned into a rousing battle.

When Chad threw the guy over his shoulder and he crashed onto another table, those men took offense. One of the women slapped another one. Fans of the losing team on the TV got sick of taunting from the winning team’s fans and started swinging. Tempers frayed by every frustration in life snapped. Soon it was an all-out melee.

Ichigo didn’t get a chance to see all of that. He was too busy trying to keep the big guy down without actually hurting him. Chad laid one guy out with a single punch while another was hanging off his back. Ishida had someone in a chokehold while Keigo threw a drink in their face. Mizuiro had his phone out and Ichigo swore was probably live streaming the whole damn thing.

Then a pink-haired guy caught him in the nose with a lucky punch, and it was on again.

Ichigo had to admit it was a little bit fun. Sure his nose hurt like hell and he had to keep spitting out blood because a punch made him bite the inside of his cheek, but it was kind of a rush.

Even the bartender Grimmjow waded into the battle, probably to try and break it up, but Ichigo thought it looked like he was having the most fun throwing people and punching indiscriminately.

When the sirens shrilled from outside and police officers started swarming in, it still didn’t end. People didn’t even try to run and escape. It seemed like they only fought harder at the thought of the fighting being soon broken up.

Ichigo tried to find his friends as the police started separating the combatants, but he was pushed against a table and into a hard chest. He immediately swung at whoever it was, but the cop grabbed his arm and before he knew it, he was handcuffed to the person next to him.

Luckily for him, it was Grimmjow who was laughing down at him. Ichigo relaxed a little and dropped his fist.

Another officer started pushing and shouting at them so they stumbled their way toward the door. Ichigo got a glimpse of Ishida calmly talking to a police officer while Mizuiro sat in a booth behind them, still on his damn phone. He couldn’t see Renji, Chad or Keigo, but he hoped they were all right.

The officer led them to a squad car and opened the back door. “Sir, I swear, we didn’t do anything wrong,” Ichigo tried to explain in the comparative quiet of the street, but the cop just grabbed his head and pushed him in. Grimmjow fell in mostly on top of him.

“I can’t believe this,” Ichigo said, the reality settling on him. “I can’t believe we did that.”

“You’re a good fighter,” Grimmjow told him.

“You looked like you were enjoying it.”

“I was. Weren’t you?”

“I just can’t believe it,” Ichigo said again.

“Well, at least it gave me a chance to talk to you again.” Grimmjow held up their cuffed wrists. “And look, we got friendship bracelets.”

Ichigo chuckled before he could stop himself. Then he laughed harder. Grimmjow started laughing, and the hysterical edge of Ichigo’s laughter smoothed over.

“We’re in so much trouble,” Ichigo said when his laugh turned to hiccups.

“Eh, I doubt it. No one’s going to press charges. Nnoitra and his idiots are too drunk to even remember what happened. We all saw them take the first swing. The owner ain’t about to press charges. I might make some money selling the video, if Nel doesn’t take it first.”

“So you’re not even worried about it?!”

“Nah. I was just doing my job. And we’ll all vouch for you and your friends. We’re not even drunk and disorderly, just disorderly.”

“Unbelievable,” Ichigo said again.

“Hey, you wanna fight sometime? I haven’t had that much fun in ages,”  Grimmjow nudged him hard.

“You have a problem,” Ichigo informed him.

“So do you,”  Grimmjow nudged him again then leaned down. “I saw you. Your face all lit up as you kicked the shit out of them.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve brawled,” he said nostalgically.

“It made you feel alive.”

“Yeah, it kinda did,” he admitted.

“Let’s do it again,” Grimmjow leaned even closer.

Ichigo knew what Grimmjow was going for and he could have pulled away but he figured what the hell. He leaned in instead and they were kissing.

Grimmjow licked right into his mouth, and Ichigo wasn’t in the mood for teasing either so he sucked his tongue right back. Grimmjow growled, Ichigo shifted, and with a little help from a very cooperative Grimmjow, was soon straddling his lap. Having their wrists cuffed together was only a minor annoyance as Ichigo ground his hips against Grimmjow’s, and Grimmjow shoved his free hand down the back of Ichigo’s jeans.

They had a nice rhythm going when someone banged repeatedly on the window. Ichigo pulled back from the kiss but Grimmjow only growled loudly. The cop rapped again and swore at them.

“Come back later,” Grimmjow said.

The cop yelled through the window, “You dumbfuck, stop that in my backseat! Are you the bartender?”

“Yeah, now leave us alone,” Grimmjow bit on Ichigo’s neck in full view of the cop, and Ichigo couldn’t hold in a moan so Grimmjow did it again.

“The bar owner’s here. He wants to talk to you.”

“Tell him I’m busy.”

“You dirty son of a—” the door opened and the cop reached in. Ichigo yelped as the cop tried to pull him off Grimmjow. There was some swearing and untangling of limbs before the cop got them both out of the car. Grimmjow adjusted himself ostentatiously, and the cop swore at him again.

“We’re being told that you,” he thrust a finger at Ichigo, “were a victim of this. And you,” he gave Grimmjow another finger, “were only following instructions from your boss, trying to break it up.”

“That’s right,” Grimmjow said. Ichigo started to speak but Grimmjow slapped his hand over his mouth.

The cop glared at them suspiciously but he was joined by two other officers. “Haven’t you let these two go yet?” one asked in a tired voice.

“I don’t like ‘em,” the cop said. “They know more than they’re saying. And they were trying to fuck in my backseat.”

“We got enough drunks to process tonight and enough paperwork to keep us busy all weekend. If these two check out, just let them go.”

“Fine,” the cop grumbled and started unlocking the handcuffs. Ichigo sighed a huge breath of relief. Grimmjow rubbed his wrist and scowled. “But if I ever see the two of you again, I’m arresting you just for looking shifty.”

Ichigo grabbed Grimmjow’s arm to start pulling him away. It didn’t stop him from shouting, “Sorry about any jizz stains on your upholstery! I have a bondage kink!”

The cop yelled something back, but Grimmjow was laughing too hard for Ichigo to catch it. “Quit antagonizing the nice police officers that just let us go without any charges.”

Grimmjow spun and backed Ichigo into the alley beside the bar. He pushed him against the wall and looked at him closely for a moment before kissing him.

“I was serious, you know,” Grimmjow said after long minutes.

“About what?”

“I do have a bondage kink. And that cop was nice enough to help out.” He held up the pair of handcuffs where Ichigo could see them.

“Holy shit, you stole them from a cop?!”

“You wanna give them a try?”

And the worst part was, Ichigo kinda really did. “I gotta find my friends, make sure they’re okay,” he panted against Grimmjow’s mouth. Then he kissed Grimmjow again.

‘I should check in with Nel,” Grimmjow said reluctantly, but he didn’t pull away.

“I’ll go find the guys, you go make sure the bar’s still standing, and we’ll meet back here?”

Grimmjow gave him one more hard kiss and finally let go.

“And Grimmjow? Don’t forget the handcuffs.”

**Plot twist: Ichigo got a frantic call later that night from Ishida who got a call from Orihime because her bachelorette party ended up becoming a Hangover-style epic adventure and she just wanted to let Ishida know she’d be home late because they kinda ended up in Vegas and sorta lost Momo but she was sure once they got Rukia bailed out of jail, Tatsuki off the MMA fight card, Rangiku clothed, and got the rest of the girls sobered up they’d be able to sort it all out.

Ichigo decided that a nice quiet bar fight was preferable and told Ishida he’d have to figure it out on his own because Grimmjow was whining again about his wrists chafing and Ichigo had to go do something. The something being Grimmjow.

Ishida hung up.

[nothingnicetosaysitnexttome]

90 Day Fiance: Season 7, Episode 4

Ooooh chile. The biggest takeaways for me this episode were thank goodness for Anny/Robert and Anna/Mursel b/c the rest of y’all sleeping on your responsibility to entertain. Let’s start with the worst and get to the best and by best I mean (5 dumpster fires out of 5 dumpster fires)

MIKE and NATALIE

We start with Mike leaving his beloved ranch in RURAL Washington state to the best side character to emerge on this show-Beau. Seriously his 10 seconds on screen was the highlight of this reel. We then flash to Natalie and her two friends in Ukraine (umm...have I been saying it wrong for years by saying-the Ukraine?) who are imitating human women going shopping. No joke, this is some earth girls are easy shit but with a gender swap. When Natalie yelled “vote!” on the dress to her two friends I had to check if they were blinking. We then get some background on Natalie via ‘exposition friend’ who she knows from work. Okay, big request to 90 day, alongside their country can you please put their profession? Everyone always says “job” “work” I NEED to know what these people are paid to do. Thank you, TLC. Natalie used to be married to a man who owned a big business. He could spoil her and give her all she wants. I needed them to call in a shady editor over from the early Rupaul’s Drag Race series to pull up some footage of the ranch. Something tells me Natalie gon be bustin out

We also hear Natalie talk about how Mike had a weight issue and that was important to her because she is such an active person. Judging by the pictures they were showing before I think Mike’s in for some serious body-shaming. He arrives and says “look at my cute little girl” and I almost vommed. Then he described her in the bedroom for a solid 60 seconds going through the entire motions of acting out a tigress and I projectile vomited everywhere. No surface in this house was left untouched. He then says hi to her mom who adores him even though neither of them can speak a word to each other and I suspect it is because the mom knows this man is her daughter’s ticket out of this home and they head off to play tigress meets the... I can’t I can. not.

MICHAEL and JULIANA

Unless I blacked out which -let’s be real is possible-they were in this episode for a solid three minutes. The kids continue to bring on wisdom well beyond their years and Juliana thinks it is a smart idea to style her hair and the daughter’s hair the same. The princess Leigh do only makes her look even younger. The kid’s bi-o-log-i-cal mother shows up and iconically states: “some women may be intimidated by someone so young, so tall, so skinny, so gorgeous, so intelligent, so traveled but I don’t have time for that.” And I said let the preacher say amen! She then says to Juliana there will be no parenting for you which- if I was 20- I’d be like fine with me brah y’all have it. I take “not mothering” to mean I’m never gonna discipline these kids, pay for anything they gotta do, and when they wanna stay up all night cool step-not mom is gonna allow it.

BLAKE and JASMIN

So we are introduced to Blake and Jasmin. It was very hard to focus because this man had straight-up JT NYSYNC bleached to high heavens Ramen hair on top and a Michael B Jordan beard in black on the bottom. But he starts describing going on a dating app after getting divorced at a young age and I’m like this looks promising. They’re about the same age, they’re both attractive, she comes from Finland which people are not fleeing in droves (in fact girl can I get trade citizenship with you- don’t ask why- it rhymes with Rump) and then a couple red flags come in each with a full music stop. The first is that this grown man lives with his parents which seems to be this season’s theme. As soon as he said that I was like hold up- hold the phone. And this is not a Norman Bates situation like Colt-e and Larissa where he is living there because his mom is his everything. This is a-I’m poor as hell and this “music thing” is me “uploading tik toks on the regular thing.” So how is he paying for this visa? The second was that Jasmin’s sister won the green card lottery and lives ten mins from Blake’s house.This got me thinking back to the  dating app they met on like hold up-he said he didn’t realize she didn’t even live in America which means this feisty minx right here probably put up like a 10-mile radius around her sister’s house. Maaaan, don’t hate the playa hate the game. Annnyyywaaay the sister and Blake drive to the airport together and the sister seems like she is not quite present. She mentions being excited to get to know Blake followed by him asking her several questions and her with the lights on, but no one home. I was very curious if Jasmin was going to have the same energy and surprise! She does. When they get back to the hotel room he says they have some alone time what should they do and she responds “shower and sleep” SAVAGE.

TANIA and SYNGIN

Now Tania pulls a move here that is a classic 90-day fiance guaranteed fail. As someone who has been watching the series since day 1 you never spend the first few days in a place waaaay better than the nowherelseville you live in. So after taking him to NY to stay in a hotel they go to CT to her mom’s shed. That’s no shade to CT but you could take me to a shed in the south of France and I’d be like I’m out. She should’ve had them share a room in an elderly home for a few days and been like surprise! private shed! On top of that she told him it was ready and it ain’t. And on top on top of that she is bossing him around to get the work done as fast as possible exactly how she wants it. If I was Syngin, I would’ve gone straight: 

and been like if we living in a shed it’s Syngin’s shed, Syngin’s rules, and Syngin’s way of life. But instead, they have an explosive fight on day 4, which is always great when you have 90 days.

ROBERT and ANNY

Now this couple is taking me on the roller coaster I was promised. This is the enterTAINTment a bitch needs! One minute I’m team Robert, the next minute I’m team Anny (to be fair I am like 85% Team Robert but you get the point). So it starts off with them going off to meet Bryson’s grandparents. The mom is out of the picture but the grandparents are not and Anny is so upset about it. I am like why is she acting so weird about this and saying they need to leave the past in the past.

Then grandma shows up....

and grandma is fooooooooiiiiiiine as all hell. I was like ooohhhh got it Anny, got it. Also, is Bryson’s mom 12? Nana Stephanie proceeds to have a very rational- if not a little invasive -conversation with Anny who is not having her at all. She is at an 11 straight out the gate. And when Stephanie reveals herself to be a porn star (Diamond Foxxx-you’re welcome) Anny is all that’s disgusting she’s uneducated. And that is some bullshit. If Stephanie wants to be a porn star, by all means, do you. Robert then takes Anny to a restaurant when she really should be in bed with some Theraflu. In this hoarse voice, Anny pulls out a bunch of screenshots of Robert’s exes on his fbook. I'm on the fence on this one. For the most part, I think it's fine if you keep up pics from old relationships but I suppose I could see why it might bother someone. Then Robert reveals Bryson is not his only child. Oh no-the man has FIVE children by four different women. That was a full mic-drop moment for me. I was like hey umm DJ run that back. Did you say five? Four baby-mamas? And where are these children?  They have been portraying this man as this savior single father and did not let us know about the other kids until episode FOUR. Well done, TLC. You go for that Emmy.

ANNA and MURSEL

With this couple I simply cannot. I have zero idea what this man’s motivations are. He does not seem into Americans or American culture and he does not seem into Anna. Is he a hostage? Honestly, I do not know. They go on a bee-keeping adventure which for them is foreplay but the man is shading Anna’s bee-keeping abilities!

She is trying to use this whole experience to set off a night with some bubbly and Boyz II men playing and he is not getting it. at. all. because neither of them understands a word the other one says. She’s all-”does my bee-keeping make you horny baby?” and he's like “bees, yes.” They’re then on their way to what I think is her bridal shower and she is telling him to talk to her friends but she literally has to hand motion “talk.” He arrives and understands nothing and no one commenting on how in Turkey only men have bachelor parties. Oh my non-alcohol drinking friend you have yet to see a bachelorette party. All her friends are confused because these two can barely communicate like even on the most basic of levels. In terms of relationships via google translator, I would put them BELOW Paul and Karine and that's a low ass standard.

So that is this week’s episode of 90 day fiancee! RIP to Angela and Michael and Sasha and Emily because they were not shown for a single second. We keep you in our prayers.

[4seasonscountryclub]

15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter...

*I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole

One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day

Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad

I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma

A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off

*I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. *

*A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge

At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball

My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips?

For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

View image | gettyimages.com '

Aquaman

*A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone

*Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment...

Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder

Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent

We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash

My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball

*One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. *

*While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. *

*Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. *

*My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. *

*My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. *

*As I expected, he missed. *

*He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. *

*My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. *

I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

Brought to you by 4 Seasons Country Club

[lowvillegolfclub]

15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter...

*I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole

One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day

Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad

I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma

A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off

*I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. *

*A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge

At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball

My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips?

For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

View image | gettyimages.com '

Aquaman

*A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone

*Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment...

Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder

Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent

We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash

My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball

*One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. *

*While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. *

*Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. *

*My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. *

*My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. *

*As I expected, he missed. *

*He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. *

*My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. *

I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

Brought to you by Lowville Golf Club

[elmiragc]

15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter...

*I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole

One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day

Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad

I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma

A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off

*I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. *

*A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge

At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball

My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips?

For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

View image | gettyimages.com '

Aquaman

*A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone

*Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment...

Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder

Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent

We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash

My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball

*One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. *

*While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. *

*Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. *

*My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. *

*My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. *

*As I expected, he missed. *

*He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. *

*My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. *

I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

Brought to you by Elmira Golf Club

[hamiltongolfcourses]

15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter...

*I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole

One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day

Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad

I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma

A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off

*I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. *

*A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge

At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball

My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips?

For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

View image | gettyimages.com '

Aquaman

*A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone

*Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment...

Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder

Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent

We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash

My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball

*One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. *

*While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. *

*Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. *

*My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. *

*My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. *

*As I expected, he missed. *

*He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. *

*My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. *

I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

Brought to you bySouthern Pines Golf & CC

[synergygolfsolutions]

Here are your 15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

On Monday, we asked you to share some of the horror stories you have witnessed on a golf course. The Golf Digest community answered this Bat Signal and answered with vigor. We received more than 500 emails, Facebook comments and tweets on the subject. The response was heartwarming. The tales, not so much. So, SO many club throws. A big, sincere thank you to all those that took the time to share. Here are the best (worst?) anecdotes on golf meltdowns:

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter... *I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off *I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. * *A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips? For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

Aquaman *A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone *Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment... Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball *One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. * *While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. * *Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. * *My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. * *My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. * *As I expected, he missed. * *He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. * *My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. * I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

Brought to you by Synergy Golf Solutions

[4seasonscountryclub]

Here are your 15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

On Monday, we asked you to share some of the horror stories you have witnessed on a golf course. The Golf Digest community answered this Bat Signal and answered with vigor. We received more than 500 emails, Facebook comments and tweets on the subject. The response was heartwarming. The tales, not so much. So, SO many club throws. A big, sincere thank you to all those that took the time to share. Here are the best (worst?) anecdotes on golf meltdowns:

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter... *I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off *I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. * *A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips? For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

Aquaman *A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone *Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment... Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball *One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. * *While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. * *Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. * *My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. * *My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. * *As I expected, he missed. * *He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. * *My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. * I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

Brought to you by 4 Seasons Country Club

[lowvillegolfclub]

Here are your 15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

On Monday, we asked you to share some of the horror stories you have witnessed on a golf course. The Golf Digest community answered this Bat Signal and answered with vigor. We received more than 500 emails, Facebook comments and tweets on the subject. The response was heartwarming. The tales, not so much. So, SO many club throws. A big, sincere thank you to all those that took the time to share. Here are the best (worst?) anecdotes on golf meltdowns:

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter... *I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off *I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. * *A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips? For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

Aquaman *A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone *Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment... Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball *One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. * *While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. * *Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. * *My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. * *My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. * *As I expected, he missed. * *He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. * *My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. * I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

Brought to you by Lowville Golf Club

[elmiragc]

Here are your 15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

On Monday, we asked you to share some of the horror stories you have witnessed on a golf course. The Golf Digest community answered this Bat Signal and answered with vigor. We received more than 500 emails, Facebook comments and tweets on the subject. The response was heartwarming. The tales, not so much. So, SO many club throws. A big, sincere thank you to all those that took the time to share. Here are the best (worst?) anecdotes on golf meltdowns:

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter... *I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off *I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. * *A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips? For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

Aquaman *A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone *Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment... Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball *One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. * *While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. * *Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. * *My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. * *My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. * *As I expected, he missed. * *He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. * *My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. * I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

.Brought to you byElmira Golf Club

[hamiltongolfcourses]

Here are your 15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

On Monday, we asked you to share some of the horror stories you have witnessed on a golf course. The Golf Digest community answered this Bat Signal and answered with vigor.

We received more than 500 emails, Facebook comments and tweets on the subject. The response was heartwarming. The tales, not so much. So, SO many club throws.

A big, sincere thank you to all those that took the time to share. Here are the best (worst?) anecdotes on golf meltdowns:

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter...

*I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole

One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day

Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad

I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma

A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off

*I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. *

*A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge

At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball

My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips?

For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

Aquaman

*A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone

*Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment...

Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder

Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent

We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash

My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball

*One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. *

*While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. *

*Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. *

*My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. *

*My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. *

*As I expected, he missed. *

*He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. *

*My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. *

I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

Brought to you by Southern Pines Golf & CC

[synergygolfsolutions]

Here are your 15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

On Monday, we asked you to share some of the horror stories you have witnessed on a golf course. The Golf Digest community answered this Bat Signal and answered with vigor.

We received more than 500 emails, Facebook comments and tweets on the subject. The response was heartwarming. The tales, not so much. So, SO many club throws.

A big, sincere thank you to all those that took the time to share. Here are the best (worst?) anecdotes on golf meltdowns:

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter...

*I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

View image | gettyimages.com

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole

One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day

Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad

I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma

A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off

*I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. *

*A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge

At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball

My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips?

For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

*A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone

*Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment...

Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder

Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent

We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash

My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball

*One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. *

*While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. *

*Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. *

*My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. *

*My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. *

*As I expected, he missed. *

*He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. *

*My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. *

I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

Brought to you by Synergy Golf Solutions

[4seasonscountryclub]

Here are your 15 best stories of emotional outbursts, temper tantrums and breakdowns on the golf course

On Monday, we asked you to share some of the horror stories you have witnessed on a golf course. The Golf Digest community answered this Bat Signal and answered with vigor.

We received more than 500 emails, Facebook comments and tweets on the subject. The response was heartwarming. The tales, not so much. So, SO many club throws.

A big, sincere thank you to all those that took the time to share. Here are the best (worst?) anecdotes on golf meltdowns:

There's nothing sweeter than a child's laughter...

*I have a friend who showed up to the course just hammered while another friend and I were in the middle of a round. Drunk friend proceeded to bet non-drunk friend a few bucks that he could beat him on the hole we were on if he were given a shot. After hacking it up the hole, drunk friend ends up with a chip shot for bogey. Well, in the middle of his backswing, two kids on a hill on the hole adjacent to us yelled at him. Not cool. Drunk friend starts screaming obscenities back at them, flings his club, hops in his golf cart, two wheels it across the bridge to the other hole and drives up the steep hill after the kids. Which, ironically enough, leads to a cemetery. My friend and I watched as drunk friend, cart and rude kids took off through the cemetery, probably running over a bunch of headstones in the process. The two of us back in the fairway were just in shock and rolling on the ground laughing. - J. Wantabe *

View image | gettyimages.com

I don't think that's what they mean by "throwing" your club towards the hole

One of the funniest meltdowns I've seen was a buddy who took each club out of the bag one by one and proceeded to helicopter them up the fairway. When he was done throwing all 14 clubs, he threw the golf bag. - David Lutz

Best contact he made all day

Working as a Marshal at Evergreen Golf in Manheim, Pa., I saw a guy pull his cart up onto the 10th tee almost hitting a guy teeing off, get out and punch him square in the mouth. The reason, the guy had almost hit him on the previous hole. - Mike Boucher

This is just sad

I used to be a cart boy in Naples at a course where a lot of couples/honeymooners would play. One summer night, I saw a man and girl on the 18th and the guy crying and begging to the girl, at one point going to his knees. Because it was on 18 it caught people's attention. It finally ended with the girl walking off the course. The guy told us afterwards that she had dumped him. He still managed to two-putt on 18 though! - P. Bradley

Karma

A friend taunted a goose on a green, walking at it while flapping his arms. Goose melted down and dove-bombed us for next 5 min. - @intrepidgolfer

I'm sure he can write that off

*I used to be an assistant club pro. We had a member who was famous for throwing his clubs, and one time, we tossed all of his clubs on a hole and walked off. We had plenty of kids working at the course, so we raffled his (brand new) Callaway irons off, and gave his wedges and woods to others. *

*A week later, the member comes into the pro shop asking where his clubs are at. I tell him that we had no idea what he was talking about. This jerk ended up going out to the putting green and took one of the flags and smacked it against our practice sign. He was shortly suspended the rest of the summer. - Carly *

Aw, the classic foot wedge

At Pebble Beach in 2005 for a father-son trip, one of the dads in front of us was getting mad at his round and was continually pounding his clubs on the ground in anger. I think it was on the 10th that he slammed his club again, but this time the shaft broke and went through his shoe. He had to go to the hospital. - Pete Aaron

That's why you're supposed to keep your eye on the ball

My friend Earl has a temper. One time he launched his ball at our golf car, and it bounced back and hit him in the eye, giving him a black eye. He didn't stop cursing until the next hole. - Rachel T.

Did he keep the tips?

For my bachelor party in Jacksonville, we decided to play 18 holes on Saturday morning. One of my friends had a $100 bet and was getting demolished. On the eighth hole he put one in the woods. The cart girl happened to be on that hole watching. My friend got so mad that he hopped in her cart and took off. Best part was we could see him stopping on the next hole to serve the group in front of us. - Ramon Jimenez

*A guy I played with years ago lost a match on 18 by hitting his approach into the lake next to the green at the old Plaza Park in Visalia, Calif. He picked up his bag and ran like a screaming lunatic to the pond and chucked into the water. In almost the same motion he dove in and grabbed it before it sank. Later we were laughing about it when he told us, the instant the bag left his hands he realized his wallet with his paycheck was in it. He said he didn't care about the clubs, but his wife would kill him over losing the check. - Bill Essex *

At least there's a clock on your phone

*Got to be Chris (redacted) ... I played with him in a club competition a few years ago. He hit a bad shot, not sure what, but he then turned round and started to take it out on his bag. He then stopped very suddenly as panic set in. He had just got himself a fancy new watch ... a couple of grands worth ooops as it was in his bag. Lucky for Chris he struck his bag as bad as he did his ball and missed his fancy watch. - Dougie Manson *

Afraid to comment...

Two guys pulled out guns and pointed them at each other. No shots though! - Tom Meder

Would have loved to hear that conversation with the insurance agent

We used to play stymies on the putting green after 36 holes on Saturdays. It was late so we had turned on our car headlights surrounding the putting green. Well someone got stymied, got angry and threw his putter in the air . . . And the putter smashed through the guys own windshield. - Dan Gould

Hulk - smash

My friend hits what appears to be a really good shot...until it lands in the bunker. At that point he pulls out his driver and snaps the shaft over his knee. Then he does the same with his 3- wood, then his 5-wood, then...he just kept going and snapped every single shaft in his bag, including his putter, all while there was a group waiting on the tee behind us. I'm pretty sure the fact I was laughing hysterically to the point of tears only made him that much angrier and is what took the final tally up to all 14 clubs being unplayable, and a slight bruise above his right knee. - Marc Hanson

Feels like the Secret Service dropped the ball

*One beautiful summer day in August of 1995 we were involved in a nip and tuck title match at Farm Neck Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard. As fate would have it, our father, my brother, his now ex-wife and I were the group immediately in front of President Clinton and so the woods were full of Secret Service agents with machine guns. *

*While we were waiting on the eighth tee, a beautiful, reachable par 5 with OB left, a pond on the right and ocean views, the President's group caught up to us. After exchanging some pleasantries the President examined my brother's driver. They both played a Wilson with a firestick shaft. *

*Then we teed off. I hit a beautiful shot down the middle. My brother did not, though his ball was dry. He was forced to lay up while I waited in the fairway for the green to clear. *

*My brother made it very clear to me that he did not think I should be standing in the fairway waiting to hit a par 5 in two while the leader of the free world was on the tee behind us. As we not so calmly talked that over, the green cleared so I could play away. I didn't hit the green but was close enough that I could do no worse than par. *

*My brother managed to knock it on in three and hit his first putt about two feet by the cup. I made sure he knew his putt was not good. That did not make him happy. *

*As I expected, he missed. *

*He then tapped in for 6, took the ball out of the hole and proceeded to wind up and throw it at me as hard as he could. I was no more than five feet away. And President Clinton was standing in the middle of the fairway. His Secret Service was all around. *

*My reaction was to charge at my taller, stronger brother. To this day I'm not sure what I was going to accomplish. *

I managed to tie him up and our father stepped right in to break things up. All he had to say was that the President was behind us and the machine guns were in the woods. - Tim Levy

Brought to you by 4 Seasons Country Club