#and that thing is not even that good either. ughhh. writing is pain :') | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

saintobio · 10 months ago

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Omg ok ok hello! I had this huge rant in my head about sy and sn so pls feel free to ignore it, but I love your writing so much and it gives me some STRONG FEELINGS. First of all it surprised me that I like the way you write y/n cuz she doesn't become a "bitch" after the whole deal with Gojo and have some elaborate revenge plan, but she is also not a goody two shoes (even if she stayed with Gojo earlier but she had a lot of external pressure to stay in the marriage). Not that those tropes are necessarily bad but it's just more realistic this way. She's just a person who has been deeply hurt and is trying to do right by others. Even if she has made big mistakes, she still wants to make up for them cuz she's not completely in the right either. Also getting bashed by everyone for trying to make amends/ not following their advice regarding you own life; while very triggering for me (lol) is also just such a natural reaction. Not right, just natural. When things get out of people's hands and they want to blame someone for it, they often go for the one who is actually trying and won't retaliate if for nothing than to just keep the peace. Also wanting people to understand your side of the situation yet feeling undeserving of it at the same time because of your mistakes is UGHHH I feel like you do that so well! It's amazing but genuinely heartbreaking to see how far Satoru has come as a person too. Also when he thinks about how he wants to be a better person for Akemi IT MADE ME WANT TO PUT MY HEAD THROUGH A WALL... cuz WHY COULDN'T HE BE LIKE THAT FOR US!!! At the same time we have moved on without him, so if we are allowed that luxury then why isn't he? It's just so ANGSTY AND SO SO GOOD! Because we love Satoru we always will but he had a chance and he fricked it over terribly! So it would be idiotic to go back to him but at the same time the heart yearns for him. This is a side tangent but whenever any character says "this is not like you", "you have changed, this isn't how you'd act" makes me so MAD lol (maybe bc I am triggered?) But these guys WATCHED MY GIRL GO THROUGH SOME HORRIFIC SHIT AND STILL EXPECT HER TO NOT BE PERMANANTLY AND IRREVERSIBLY CHANGED???!! ;-;; IDK what they want from her oof >.< I do think Akemi is a shitty friend but I can't bring myself to hate her completely. Seeing them together is so ANGER INDUCING AAAAA (and her wanting a family with him is fine BUT THIS EARLY?!JUST AFTER ADMITTING YOU FEEL "SORRY" FOR BETRAYING US?! IT MAKES ME WANNA HURL HER TRHOUGH CONCRETE) but at the same time Satoru and Akemi both deserve someone who can love them. It feels hypocritical to be angry when we ourselves told him to move on and find someone who can love him the way he deserves. It's just very very shitty it had to be them. Sera is also such an interesting character. She has a lot of traits that I admire a lot. Her resourcefulness and complete and utter pride/confidence and being unashamed to ask for things/ stand up for herself (even when she is wrong) is something I wish I had sometimes. Still wanna stick her head through a toilet tho and yet when a person who slept with a married man can see the bloody violation of girls' code that is sleeping with your bff's EX HUSBAND oh BOY you should KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG. I have no strong feelings for Toji (cuz I don't like him much anyways but that's just personal bias XD )but I do think his anger and frustration is well founded especially since he runs over whenever the reader needs him. He's so supportive and invested and honestly he deserves someone who can give that back to him. It's kinda sad but then again I don't like him much to begin with lol.

OH AND THE ENDING OF THE LAST CHAPTER IS SOOOOO PAINFUL. To always be the second choice even for YOUR SON OHHH MAN I'D RATHER YOU PUT A KNIFE THROUGH MY HEART ;-;

All in all I hate how much I love this series and love to hate these characters and take out my repressed anger on them cuz I can't do that irl. This series is my Roman Empire lol. It's so painful, yet so beautiful and it makes you FEEL so many things and yet hold out hope for things to become better. I love this, love you and your writing- ok mwah bye bye (and thank you if you read this rant put together by my post nap, barely coherent brain) I have so much more that I want to say. I can write essays about this series and how it uses so many technically "cliche" tropes but it is anything but cliche . Truly some of the best angst I have read like ever!

oh wow !! i don’t even know what to say, this feels like such a comprehensive review of the sy series sdksks but i think many readers could definitely relate with some of ur points here :D this is such a nice perspective to read, thank you so much for sharing and tysm for reading sn/sy aaaaa i’m happy u enjoy the angst as much as i do <3

#🖤: letters to saint #series: sincerely yours

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togalnu · 1 year ago

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Do you have any specific hcs for fem togainu or just fem nitrochi as a whole? I'd love to hear them! ^^

Oops I meant to answer this earlier. Anyways yes! I will be putting this under a read more because. Lol. Enjoy!

You wanna know a secret? Earlier this year I was researching parodies and the legalities of them because I had the grand idea to make a togainu remake but yuri and with some story changes. A whole ass visual novel. I was seriously planning on making it. Suffice to say I have put in some thought in turning these yaoi boys into yuri girls.

We will be here all day if I list every little thought and headcanon I have! I'll def make more posts about my visions in the future, but for right now I need to talk about Shiki. I NEED TO TALK ABOUT SHIKI.

First and foremost, my overall thoughts about Shiki: wasted potential. His route was a huge disappointment when I finally got to it. It was fumbled so fucking badly and it pains my soul because Shiki is hot and I love the concept of his character but.. man. What a let down. I ended up thinking about him a lot because of this. What I would do if I were in charge of writing his route, parts of his characterization that I'd rid of or ameliorate, and maybe even giving him some new quirks to not make him so one-dimensional-evil-villain type. And then along with this, I started thinking about what if he was a woman. because I am attractdd to women. Typical thought process.

First, his design. I am a sucker for black haired red eyes bitches. I love black and red. I'm dying my hair black and red at the end of the year. The majority of my wardrobe is black and red. I do not play around #EMO. I love the almost leather gothic look he has but unfortunately it is not enough for me. I felt that he needed more unnecessary accessories and belts and other clothing items, as any goth should have. I've had a few ideas in mind for Shiki girl outfit and they all lean into these more, like giving her extra bracelets, belts, necklaces, crosses, whatever. I want her DECKED OUT!!! But I also struggle coming up with outfits so I can't really decide what looks good LMAO

Things I love about Shiki's outfit:

- The gloves. UGHHH gloves are so fun. The longer the gloves are the better.

- His stupid coat

- The spikes and crosses. The silver adds a lot to his appearance

- Turtleneck<3

Things I don't like about Shiki's outfit:

- those stupid ass notches on his pants. I can't tell if he has insane thigh-high boots or strange pants, and neither can a lot of artists it seems like? Though it seems pants are the consensus. SAD!

- Turtleneck should have long sleeves

- Or his coat should have long sleeves. One of those two

- What the hell is going on with his belt. It'd look fine if it didn't have those strange hanging.. circle... things

NOW MY IDEAS

I like the idea of her having a corset and fishnets, so I've been including that in whatever iteration of her design I'm working on. I gotta keep the coat too as it's like, a Shiki classic. I've also been trying to decide how a skirt for her might look (I love the idea of it having a slit so you can see her fishnets and thigh high boots).

But I'm torn on including the turtleneck as much as I love it.... I feel like it kinda clashes. Idk maybe i should just move her skirt up so it's not hanging off her ass but also it's fun to draw it that way.

Although adding another belt with the skirt could work too, and have the fishnets peaking out from the skirt slit... not gonna draw that rn though im just brainstorming here

Like I said earlier I'd love to give her way more accessories than base Shiki has but I need to definitely play around with outfit ideas more bc I don't want her to look too cluttered either. Also sorry all the pics are torso only because for some reason I struggle HARD with drawing calves and feet

I don't have much to say for hair ideas.. I just like the idea of it flairing out + two long.. idk what to call them... strands of hair? Down her cheeks?? Okay well u see what I mean in the pic. Bangs pretty much stay the same

And ohhh my god I know togainu is set in the post-apocalyptic future, but considering it came out in 2005 I feel obligated to rework some of the designs to be a little more y2k.. Akira with low waisted flared jeans... making Shiki even more gothic... it's so fucking fun HOW CAN I NOT!!

Also the other day I saw this one corset that I LOVED and wanted to see if I can Shiki-fy it but hmm... idk... I definitely need to play around with the idea more but here's a quick sketch i did just for funsies so you get the idea

Okay moving on

Second, his characterization. I love the idea of what they were going for in terms of his relation to Nano. I wish so badly they had expanded on this past Shiki just hating line users and killing them because he's unable to kill Nano (although I do think this is a pretty good bit of characterization). I'm pretty sure the Chayamachi manga goes more into this but idc we are talking about the game so I'm gonna pretend it doesn't exist.

Shiki is smug and cocky. Incredibly so. But a big part of his character is how hateful he is, so much so that it's this hate that motivates everything he does.

I love it. I love his hatred. I wish the game went more into it sooo badly and like if he found out Akira had anti-line blood before the end of the game and there was time given to show his reaction? Would he hate Akira for it??? Would he feel any kind of resentment?? If I was Shiki I'd definitely feel complicated as fuck over it!!!

Anyways I'm still working out how fem Shiki could be improved upon in terms of this, and I LOVEEE LOVE LOVE LOVE writing personality and backstories and relationships with other characters and how they all interact with each other. I have very deep oc lore because of this but i will not get into my ocs rn because they have nothing to do with togainu.

This post is already long enough however and if I were to talk about all the ideas I had for Shiki characterization upgrade... well it'd take even longer. To say the least. One day I'll talk about it though! In a more comprehensive post including other characters and whatnot. It's something I definitely also need to work out in my head more tho

It's been a pretty fun project so far that I hope to do more with in the future. Side note that doesn't really matter but there's this song that I always imagine fem Shiki amvs too oops.. RIDE IT by LustSickPuppy... this part especially.......

(the part is around 1:17 if you don't feel like listening to the entire thing. But u should)

Urggghhhh I love lsp ugh ughhhhhfuhrhhcuuhfhuufghh sorry for posting lyrics and a spotify link. It will happen again

OKAY. AMYWAYS

I do not give a fuck if all of this seems too self indulgent. If anything it's supposed to be!!! It's a labor of love!!!

Thank u to anyone who read this far. I appateciate it

#asks #im crazy #tnc #shiki

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the-silver-peahen-residence · 1 year ago

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Please continue the Devil Noble au drabble! Please please please!

((Hello there anon, hope your well today. I see you wish for another part? I can write something if you like. I hope you enjoy.))

((The Devil Noble au and some fractions spoken and mentioned in this belongs to my amazing friend @demon-blood-youths ))

Silver butterfly mun/Peahen mom

"HUH?!? YOU TOO!!" Jinx Violet, heir to her devil yuki, new heir to black flame panther bloodline and leader to the cursed Vixens was sitting around in the main courts of her kingdom with her friends. The other fractions were doing their own things in their sections of the kingdom dealing with this. She was silent to look at her close friend/sister Ink who was shocked along with the others.

"It's true Ink. Seems my own dad wants me to get engaged but even so, it's a pain." she sighed rubbing the back of her head. "I really don't think i would get told to find a mate so soon and I'm still learning about how to take over the human world later on. I mean, what do they even want?" she asked.

"So you are suffering this too!? Ughhh why us!!! I mean come on!" Ink cries but Jinx pets her head as their friends blinks with sweatdrops showing on the side of their heads.

"Oh, please calm down. Even if it's the case. The others are unsure about it. Besides, we don't know if we will in time." Vivi said while drinking some tea sitting by Shdwkyz who was quiet all the same.

"Though, our devils told us it was important but we don't know they were this serious to want us to do that. Were still learning and this comes up." Melinda mutters looking to her lap with Jaron sighing.

"Trust us, we were just as shocked. Even more, we got these engagement rings from our devils so when we do find our 'mates' we are either engaged or being with someone." Breezy said. "Hell, even the grumpy devil of mine is already asking me who I would mate with in the future." she sighed.

"Huh, you too? Damn.." Rust said.

"Again, we don't know who we will be with but it's a start isn't it? Think of it this way, at least who we pick will be good ones at least." Fosh mutters but even he was nervous seeing Mouse checking the main frame from her work.

"But why!? Why not!?" Ink cries out in tears. "I still hate the idea to get married. What if we get stuck with someone we hate!? We can't let this go on!" she said.

"Ink, just give it up. You know you can't do anything and besides, we don't know who we will even marry in the future." Navarro said as he saw Echo eating something being annoyed herself.

"I think it's stupid. They can't expect us to find someone so soon. It is weird to even try. We are so busy with learning more of the human world to take over it one day, now they want this." she grumbled.

"...So I guess this means we either have to find someone or else we get put with someone even if we don't want that person." Ophelia said worried. This made both the Cursed Vixens and the DBT sigh together.

"Though, what about the other leaders and their teams?" Maggie asked.

"Their going through the same thing." Jinx said standing up but she looks ahead seeing the black flame garden on the right of her kingdom burning along with the view of her area in the demon world. "I heard Kali is pissed off because she always gets others but the ones that's put with her calls it off so you know she hates this one. Joshua is worried but he isn't sure on who he will pick. Ashley is worried but she's been too nervous to say anything about it right now." she had her arms crossed thinking.

"Fin is furious and having a argument with his devil thinking no one is good to be his mate. He finds it a chore because it wouldn't work knowing his ideal work and title. I don't know much more on that. Ethan said he is unsure himself giving the face he's already alliance with another kingdom but he knows her named Willow I heard they are doing alright but having the same problem with this. Guam is unsure himself but it makes him worry of who he's with. Rex is so busy but I heard he was going to be getting someone picked for him but we don't know who. He didn't like the idea so he is not speaking to his devil right now. I don't know....I think he's more worried about Kali right now." Vivi adds in.

"As for Yuuka, she's really worried because she's really afraid who she might have to marry. It might not be who she wishes but Oblivion knows about it since you and her talk from time to time?" Mouse asked seeing Oblivion nod.

"She's terrified but she hates it. Luna is doing everything to keep her calm even if it's her over worrying about it. Right now, I still keep up to date with her to insure she's alright." she said simply but the others look quiet.

"Even so, how do we know we are able to do this? What if they just told us this just to scare us?" Breezy said looking at her rings. The other devils were visiting and speaking with The DBT's devils right now. Jinx was told she had to keep her rings on a metal chain necklace. Her team had to do the same.

"Maybe but you know how they are..." Shdwkyz said but they looked quiet as Melinda was worried.

"But what if the rings are true? I mean, I was told as the other girls these rings are very powerful in magic. It was said they would lead or show who we are to be mates with." she even was worried.

"Yeah, that is what Yuki said but who knows? We might be scared into this. I don't believe it." she said with arms crossed.

"I say we should run back to the human world! I mean, this sucks! I rather do that then being told to marry!" she hissed and yet, she was still showing tears.

"So......how do we know these are real?" Echo asked.

"I say we test them!" Maggie said but everyone was a bit nervous to do that. Even if it could be a scare from their devils, what if it was real?

"Okay hold on, how are we going to test them?" Ink asked.

"We need two to see so...." Jinx thinks but she was seeing the other girls look at her before they look to Melinda who blinks.

"Ummmmm why are you looking at me?" she asked.

"Melinda, you test it!" she said.

"H..Huh?!? Me!? Why!?" she squeaked but Jinx looks to her.

"Oh please???? It's just a test. We don't know if these rings have that much of powerful magic. Besides, we need to be sure. If you do, I'll be sure to owe you back. Pretty please!?" she asked hugging her but Melinda sweatdrops to look at her then sigh.

"O..Oh f..fine.." she mutters.

"Okay but who is she testing this with?" Echo said.

"How about Jaron? He can test it!" Navarro said but Jaron blinks to look at him.

"Navarro.."

"Just test it. Besides, I don't believe the devils mean this. It has to be a scare of some sort so I say we test it. Besides, we just need to see how." he said.

"........"

"Come on Jaron please?" he asked and yet the other DBT looks to him that he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Alright...alright fine. I'll test it...." he said as the two fractions watches seeing Jaron and Melinda sit down but she saw him reaching to get the box he got from his devil. Melinda shows the ring necklace to take it off.

"So how do we even do this?" Echo asked looking at the others.

"Maybe the rings need to touch? Or maybe be put on the other?" Rust said scratching his head.

"It can't be that simple..can it?" Breezy asked.

"Or maybe it's something of another way..." Shdwkyz said.

"Guys..." Jaron and Melinda speaks but looks to them then sighed to look at one another. How are they going to test this? Thinking, Jaron had a idea.

"Maybe we need to put the rings near by one another?" he said.

"M..Maybe.." she said back so the two tried that. Melinda puts her other engagement ring on the table with Jaron doing the same as well. So the two wait with the fractions watching. The two rings didn't do much at the moment but Navarro and Echo was watching too. For a few minutes the rings did nothing.

"Hmmm..nothing is happening.." Shdwkyz said.

"Maybe it was all just a fluke.." Vivi said.

"Aha! I knew it! It was fake!" Ink said.

"..Maybe...I guess we are fine then.." Hellmare said as both Jaron and Melinda reaches to take their rings their fingers touched just slightly. That's when something did happen.

"???"

"????"

Jaron's engagement ring begins glowing!?

"!!!"

He blinks but Melinda saw her own doing the same. The two were shocked seeing this only for the rings to float up slowly but his ring went to her ring finger while Melinda's ring went to Jaron's finger. That's when the two shield their eyes from a glow when it showed making the others blink.

Huh?!

"What's happening?!" Ophelia said worried.

"Don't know!" Echo said as everyone kept their eyes closed from the light. In a moment, it did die down only for them to slowly lower their arms. The two fractions blinks to look again when seeing Melinda and Jaron's eyes still closed but the rings were gone?

"Uhhhhh.."

Vivi looks but her eyes blinks along with Shdwkyz looking. Both the rings were on their fingers but Melinda had Jaron's ring while Jaron had Melinda's ring.

"..Uhhh Melinda?"

"Jaron?"

"I think you two need to look.." the snakes said as Melinda opens her eyes to look she blinks to look seeing the ring.

"H..Huh?" she lifts her hand up to see Jaron's ring on her finger. ".....What the heck?"

Jaron did the same but he saw the ring on his finger to look speechless. "......."

"What just happened!?" Jaron and Melinda said at the same time but the fractions sweatdrop worried.

"....I think the devils were telling the truth.....oh boy." Rust said seeing this.

"Do you think we will get in trouble for this?" Breezy asked. However, within Jinx's Kingdom.........

"MELINDA!!!!" she heard her devil/father, Yen-Lo-Wang the silver lung dragon of the dead shout for his heir/daughter.

"JARON!!!" he heard his devil/father, Lyilus a jackal demon of persuasion and convincing to anyone.

"DID YOU FIND YOUR SUITOR ALREADY!?" both shouted for them happy but they didn't know what happened.

The Jackal and Lung dragon tense hearing their devils voices from inside. Something told them the rings were that powerful to look at the rings then at one another.

"........."

"...Uh oh.." the other fractions were nervous. They were going to be in trouble.

~~~~~Later after a few minutes~~~~~~

"What did you all do?" Vanity said with arms crossed.

"We didn't do anything! We were just testing the rings to see if you were lying to us or not! We didn't know you were serious!" Ink said waving her arms as she saw the devils of her fraction blink but sigh. Jinx's devil with her others looks to her.

"What makes you think we were lying? We don't do that when it involves things like this Jinx." Yuki said with arms crossed. "Besides, the rings were made and infused with your own demonic aura. We told you that you were to find your mates but you were doing this as a test."

"I mean......we were unsure if you were right but..I guess you were serious?" Navarro said but seeing Melinda and Jaron's devils talking about this while the other two were silent all this time.

"Yeah, we need to owe Jaron and Melinda for doing this..." Navarro said. "But hey, at least we know now!" Navarro said only for Maggie to bonk him. "OW!!"

The devils sigh hearing this but looks to them. "Well, at least you believe us now right? Just...try to find your mates but don't do no more testing unless it's true. Understand?" Vanity said seeing the two fractions nod.

"Yes sir." the DBT and Cursed vixens said at the same time. However, Melinda's face was covered red from this with her hands with Jaron not sure if he should be shocked or happy. Well, for one thing this was true and they got proof.

"..Melinda, I'm so so sorry.." Jaron said.

"I..It's fine....." she said back hearing their fathers happy and talking about this. Oh boy indeed.

#OOC #silver roses #ask answered #mun answered #silver butterfly mun #peahen mom #the mansion owner #the fractions of NYC #Devil Nobles au #demon noble rulers au #anon #peahen writer

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coridallasmultipass · 7 months ago

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Vent personal medical long post

So the shit week continues. No new painkillers, i took the last expired hydrocodone, so if im still in pain tomorrow im gonna have to cut a morphine in half and see if i can tolerate it (i took a whole 15mg one on sunday when my back pain first went out, and while it helped it was way too much painkiller and i got so nauseous. The hydrocodone is 1/3 of the morphine dose, and i dont know how to cut this tiny fucking morphine pill into 3. I dunno if its even big enough to be cut in half!!)

The specialist did get me a back xray which was normal (as expected), and physical therapy, which is good, except i can only attend if i get an appointment within 2 weeks, because after that i wont have a ride, and the distance to walk there is 2.5 miles steep downhill (fine. Ive done that walk before. It would suck because of the pain.) But coming back home after the appointment would be 2.5 miles steep uphill when im probably extremely sore and can barely walk after physical therapy (has always been the case whenever ive gone to pt) and i dont think i can fucking do 5 miles. I can hardly walk the stairs in my house. (Warned u bout the stairs dogg) The occasional 3 mile round trip that i do to go to the post office when i dont have access to a car is bad enough that it puts me out of commission, especially bc its all uneven terrain no sidewalks.

I tried calling anyway and its voicemail so theyre probably at lunch right now. But it still sucks. Im so fucking tired of this.

I hate having to rely on other people - doctors or family. I hate having to make and attend so many appointments. And im not even fucking doing everything i need to. I saw this pt place has pain management (i didnt think there was any in this area so i gave up on that) so i can try asking for that too, but again, thats more appointments i need to coordinate, and last time i did pain management they basically said "see a psychiatrist for antidepressants or try medical marijuana bc we cant do anything else for you" lmao (i did the mm despite never having tried it before. It helps but its not enough lol). My current psychiatrist has exhausted every medical option for my depression. So its either they give me painkillers or something else idk what, or i just stay home and continue to suffer.

And thats a whole nother thing the rheumatologist today was like "oh why did you stop antidepressants if youre in so much pain??" My duDE I WAS SO MISERABLE AND COULDNT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. Once i stopped antidepressants, i was able to start exercising regularly, i started drawing and writing with more enjoyment (had not drawn with regularity since 2019!!), i am more present in life, like... doing antidepressants was the worst fucking 5 years of my life. None of them helped my depression, they only made me worse. I tried every branch of them and not a single one helped. Im still fucking depressed and anxious as shit taking methylphenidate but hard evidence points to it being a great help compared with anything else ive ever taken. God that fucking "treatment resistant depression" diagnosis was the worst fucking thing. Theres like nothing else to try except super niche experimental treatments that insurance wont cover and they dont accept secondary insurance (which is the one that i could probably get to cover a new treatment but it takes a lot of coordination on both parties, like what im doing for my tmj problems and getting aligners). Ughhh. I dont wanna fucking do experimental shit either. Unless someone wants to donate me an ayahuasca vacation or something lmao. (Joke, i dont have a passport and i dont wanna pause all my other meds)

It sucks that none of my medical problems are treatable. I got permanent depression/anxiety/ocd/whatever other things that are undiagnosed despite my requests for testing. Permanent endometriosis (no cure and my body isnt accepting the medical or sugical treatments). Lifelong teeth problems (unknown if this new treatment will help my teeth or jaw yet but like.. arthritis is also lifelong and damage is damage). Arthritis thats lifelong but Mostly managed, at least during warm seasons. Permanent untreatable fibromyalgia (the antidepressants are the only medical treatment for it and never helped with pain, maybe even made it worse, and no one wants to give me painkillers anymore since like 2015. Sucks that old people can get painkillers like candy but because im young and hide my pain really well i get treated like an addict. My mom was like 'your gramma gets painkillers all the time!!' Yeah but im not in my 70s. Theres age bias here.) I got chronic untreated gerd (well, i take otc meds, and my attempts to treat it got canceled bc thats when covid was rampant, and the doc stopped prescribing me stronger meds bc i hadnt seen him in a while, bUT I LITERALLY COULDNT GET IN BC OF COVID. I just dont eat any of my favourite acidic foods anymore. I miss tomatoes. Sometimes i gotta eat them and just triple up on 3 different antacids and deal with the sore throat the next day). Well, was gonna say i got chronic insomnia but thats probably the only thing thats fully treated by 2 meds and sometimes weed. (But like. Im a nightowl. Its just that i have to fit in with society to get up in the morning for appointments. I have that like delayed body clock issue lol. So in a way it kind of is still a chronic issue, but at least im getting a full night of sleep when the body pain isnt extreme.)

But yeah. It sucks to be me. Dunno where im going w this post. Its just so frustrating when youre telling the doctor you're in constant pain and hes like 'i know. See you in a couple months.' Rheumatologists are supposed to treat fibro. But i always get hot potatoed to the next doctor. Like i get it, i am untreatable, but someone please do something! Ugh. Like theres really no options besides painkillers or weed, and i can only use weed in the evenings bc my family doesnt approve (literally said the most vile shit when i mentioned the pain clinic recommended it), plus cant use it if im gonna drive somewhere - in theory, i dont have a license lol but the point is i shouldnt have to take an intoxicant during the day!! Painkillers at the lowest dose do not intoxicate me, and in fact, make me more lucid bc it lifts the fucking fog of pain!! Wish doctors would understand how much they helped me in the past. When i was on the combo of painkillers and the arthritis med im on now, i was literally going for jogs every fucking day. I have proof of it. I probably couldnt do that now bc im a lot heavier and a lot sicker, but the point is i can be more active if im not in pain, and being active helps both the arthritis and fibro! Ughhhh.

Online is like "painkillers have not been shown to help fibro" bull fucking shit. Maybe im an odd one out. But ive been diagnosed since i was 12 and fit the fucking symptoms. They fucking help and ive been off them for so many fucking years now while all my health has deteriorated. Do you know how miserable it is to find out you have fibromyalgia affecting the nerves around your teeth? On top of my tmj problems!! I can barely eat anything since starting the aligners because my mouth is in too much pain!!

The only thing painkillers havent helped was the fucking endometriosis, which ironically, is the only reason i even have painkillers on hand for my back injury.

And god fuck i do not want to think abt the endo. Theres no quality of life when im panicking every day about when the next flare up is gonna happen. Theres no hope there bc theres no treatment that works for me. I already had a hysto but it was probably too late since the endo spread. Idk if im gonna survive the next flare. Especially because i have to stop taking the med that was possibly helping since ive been on it too long. The doctors ive been seeing have just been like "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" which is just causing more anxiety because the bridge is like. This next month. Whenever theres a flare up, i have to stop ALL my arthritis meds just so i can take advil since thats the only thing that provides me some relief (and thats terrifying bc advil has given me an ulcer before! Because of taking it during a period and i was in too much pain to sit up for 10 minutes after taking it. Fuck endo.) Idk what to do.

Anyway. Thats the sitch. Ill try calling for pt again since this took a while to type. If theyre still closed, well, i guess ill just go fuck myself.

#personal #vent #long post #delete later / /#Cori.exe #Post.exe #medical

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mrstellmeafuckingsecret · 2 months ago

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NO SO REAL ive been writing on docs ...

barty is so def a monsterfucker. like he would look at an eldritch monster and be like 10/10 smash.

also ?? voldemort was hot in the first war??

yes barty being like voldemort>bcsr because at least voldemort brings results!! bcsr makes time for other people but not for his own so ?? asshole!!

also help the point about voldemort being the only person who makes time for bcjr?? gut-wrenching. so valid. yes in barty's eyes voldemort is the best person ever because he cares for bcjr + i feel like he humanizes voldemort a LOT like in his eyes ofc voldemort is the dark lord and the bullshit but ultimately a really powerful man. a man. just like himself. <3

grr him introducing himself as voldemort's bitch is a drug. bellatrix is his most devout follower, sure, but voldemort scratches his scalp and calls barty his bitch and now whenever a new death eater joins barty boasts about. leaning into dog barty here idk it feels right.

YES like he founds out what voldy said at the graveyard and that makes bcjr go crazy because wdym the thing voldemort told him he only ever told to harry potter, the boy who lived?? he's that important?? hes litr ready to peel his fingernails off for this man

also the "he could convince bcj to walk around with his shoes tied together and he’d do it" just makes me think voldemort def fucked around w bcjr. like he would have him do lowk humiliating stuff (maybe straight up humiliating stuff!) like we know from canon voldemort takes pleasure in being a pain in the ass sawr yk funsies.

also like the idea of bcsr doing humiliating bcjr. like in a diff way (this is a random ramble) like just bringing up his faults and all the embarrassing shit he did as a child and bcjr is seethinggg but its okay when voldemort does it bc voldemort is Hot

(also yes regulus is soo delusional help every time i remember how voldemort never saw or knew what he did i die laughing. hes such a loser <33)

help yes weirdo loser creepy oversensitive bcjr is soo fine like i just know he cries when like the most normal things happen. "barty why are you crying" "my shirt got wet 😿😿" "it's fucking raining. everything is wet."

ughhh james and sirius hurt sm because james wants to understand what sirius is feeling so bad and sirius would rather rip his dick off with a can opened than let him feel any of what he's feeling yk.

yes james doesnt understand what sirius sees in bcsr and he also doesnt understand why sirius doesnt come home with him!! his parents adore sirius, but sirius seems to hide further and further into the shadows whenever they see him lately and he just. he doesnt get it.

sirius would take any attack on bcsr so seriously, and more than that he'd take it as an attack of himself!! does james think sirius can't be trusted, cant make his own decisions? that he needs james to hold his leash hand and lead him everywhere because sirius is some lost dog without a kennel?? sirius has lived a hard life, even when he's barely a teenager he recognizes it. he can deal with his life himself, he's almost toxically independent and having james in his life is so new and good, but it's also new and bad because he can feel himself needing james when he isnt really supposed to be needing anyone!! and he cant simply go to james, either, one because ego, and two because, horrifically, he's starting to need bcsr too. he needs to hear he's good and he's making someone proud and that bcsr wishes he was his son instead of bcjr. the potters say it, sure, but they give out love like candy - with bcsr? you have to earn it. if he disappoints, he gets hit, if he doesnt he gets head a reward, he feels validated but only because he has to work for it - because the idea of just being loved isnt one sirius has, it comes off as pity to him.

idk thats a weirdly shaped paragraph and grammatically incorrect but haha suffer

anyway yes when sirius comes to bcsr's open arms after fighting with james and bcsr insults james sirius does feel hurt - because insulting james means insulting him (like how it was w jfp and bcsr's roles reversed) but where then it was sirius' pride and ego being hurt, now it's his insecurities being attacked, his petulance, his brashness. (not his sharp words, bcsr values a cruel canine).

yes yes yes sirius is a kid who does not understand why they think bcsr is bad, he punishes bad, rewards good, isnt that how its supposed to be? fleamont and euphemia keep repeating whatever james said and it makes sirius feel like they think he's stupid, or slow, because he hears what theyre saying he just doesn't deem it important.

ughh bcsr being butthurt about boyfriend not coming to him is like 1) funny 2) so sad ?? (for sirius, ofc, fuck bcsr <3). sirius feels sm guilt because bcsr doesnt like his sonn and hed be so alone and mrs crouch doesnt get him like he does (this line triggers alarm bells in f&e's mind) . but like it ending very abruptly is very important to me. theres no closure or scream-y fight its just owls and then no more owls !!

ughh youre making my heart hurt for bcjr rn i can imagine like 11-12yo bcjr being happy dads home early but nope turns out he didnt go at all (litr unprecedented) and instead took sirius to whatever exhibit or museum or whatever kids like idk he wanted?? bonus point if bcjrs been wanting to go forever and bcsr said he was too busy to take him??

like, pre this awakening, maybe bcjr got along w sirius but after it bcjr developes resentmenttt (the crush comes later) and every time sirius is over or he sees him in school he wants to rip him to shreds.

oo which makes me think, do you think this would affect deathstar's relationship in school? it's probable that they never talk at all but like where's the fun in that yk.

yes ugh sirius doesnt know how big this is, he thinks it's just a "aw :( too bad, anyway-" whereas for all three of the crouches its like !! massive !!

i love the idea of sirius being the very nonchalant one in a family full of Very Chalant People. its very clear he's not one of them yk.

AHH yes bcsr bashing barty's head into a table is like delicious ive been thinking of it 24/7. mrs crouch is screaming and barty is half sobbing half having a villain victory speech monologue bcsr is angry and just hitting and hitting and sirius is like Oh Wow this makes my family seem normal.

yes sirius would be scared because its a lot more bloody than even what goes on in his own house (unless u hc smth else?) and bcsr is disappointed in a rare moment of sirius' apparent 'softness' but he brushes it off as him simply being surprised. even when sirius requests to go home, he excuses it with mrs crouch's insistence that he does (n then mr&mrs crouch fight !! yum !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

yes ahh bcsr being like dont heal bcjrs injuries and mrs crouch doing it anyway because thats her baby !! also bcjr is def the loser who called his dad 'daddy' and mum 'mama' too long idc 💔💔. also random hc i have is that whenever walburga hurt sirius she wouldnt heal it because she liked seeing him bruise and sirius' ptsd just gets triggered from that

ughh sirius being stalked is like. my favr thing. ever. at home regulus does it, here barty does?? he tries to talk to barty but barty just stands and stares at him so sirius is like Okay Man and does whatever. yes yes yes barty imitating sirius !!! it's painfully obvious, too !!! i cant decide whether bcsr would be pleased or not. probably not. he never is.

barty jacking off to the idea of being sirius is like. actual gold. like his face stuffed in sirius' unwashed clothes and his hand on his dick, rutting into it and crying out sirius' name ?? or maybe he pretends he is sirius and says 'dad' instead?? YUM !!!!!!!!

omg yes bcjr drugging and raping sirius is so like fitting. i think the wizarding equivalent would be a love potion? him asking winky (omg forgot about her) to slip it in his food, winky getting punished for it.

also !!!!!!!! the idea of bcsr telling winky to call sirius 'master' and follow his orders is so YUM especially if you hc that after the love potion incident he forbids winky from taking any orders from bcjr !!

yes yes yes lowk flashbacks to harry witnessing swm and thinking it was heinous and unforgivable... unless it was someone horrible (like draco) bc yum harry/sirius parallels random yes ! sirius being like "well he did xyz and he doesnt even try to get better!" (because he doesnt really understand bcjr's mental illness, either) as justification for his abuse because bcsr is good and that ! is ! final !

eek sirius begging lily to litr fix him because he thinks he's broken post depressive episode is so sad but yum love them sm

bcjr's episodes r like breaking actually like i can imagine mrs crouch being so so desperate and bcsr just stunning bcjr because thats the only thing that shuts him up and sirius is like Um because should he tell bcsr that he could ask lily, again, for help? get him muggle medicine? but that would mean he himself had done the same, that sirius was the same as bcjr and that cannot happen so ... guilt !

eek yes i can imagine sirius being like "where's your son?" and bcjr being like "he went to stay with a friend" when he's actually tied up in his room for a few days while mrs crouch is visiting her mother, with only winky for company. it's like horrific and i love it 1000 times more of this please.

ughh yes sirius trying to be good and trying to take the fall for bcjr and bcjr just bodily attacking him ... bcsr would be so so so so SO angry and sirius is just ?? scared ?? as to why he was attacked by what seemed to remind him of a wild dog ??

(i LOVE crackships but like jegulus is uninteresting and boring and tropey and BORING!!! blackcest can be fucked up which reminds me: thoughts??)

UGH sirius using bcjr and exploiting bcjr's crush on him to sleep with him and moan out 'barty' is veryy hot also that is NAWT a moanable name but whatevs . barty & sirius both just creaming at the thought of the Ultimate Groomer is so icky and sad and real and true like theyre rutting their dicks together like dogs in heat and riding each other and eating each other out screaming 'daddy' is so adlasfka

UGHH yes that is. so sad. sirius thinking he's finally found someone to trust, someone who's the perfect parental figure for him only to be proven wrong? him defending bcsr despite knowing bcsr palms his dick whenever sirius bends over and eek yes the thought of sirius being so scared to lose his virginity to someone who he's been jokingly calling dad for almost eight years he just runs and runs and runs till he goes back to where he knows he's safe even if he's an intruder.

but also. the idea of sirius letting bcsr touch him because he's so afraid of losing him and handjobs turn to blowjobs which turn to full on sex and sirius is nauseous afterwards and he's throwing up and barty is watching and he is jealous because why is sirius getting everything when he doesnt want it, when he's hear and he's so good for his dad?

also yes so real if barty could produce a a patronus it would be a worm. actually ??? i think he would bc like it never says healthy memory, it's just a happy one, so regulus and barty discussing it after class and regulus being like "what did you think of? i thought of my brother getting crucioed," and barty being like "omg!! :3 i thought of your brother crucioing me!!" . i can def see bartylus fucking and barty killing the mood by moaning out sirius' name icl

yes yes yes sirius hero worships bcsr. he has ever since he was a child, bcsr is cool and relaxed and always praises him and it doesnt change when they get older, only this time when bcsr calls him a good boy sirius is climbing his lap with his tongue out and fucking himself over bcsr's cocklet .

also what the FUCK he spoke THAT MANY LANGUAGES... no wonder barty was smart eek. i like the idea of him telling sirius and sirius speaks seven (and is content) is just wondering if he can name that many... and then The Lessons start.

i also like the thought of bcsr gifting sirius the fisrt motorcycle magazines in his collection and yummm <333

do you mean barty crouch sr by bcsr??? because omg plz tell me what you think about sirius’s relationship w him, i find the crouches so interesting, i would love to hear about that

YESS i LOVE you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont actually know how much of what i imagine for them can be fit into canon/is canon but like sglkfd.

so barty jr and sirius probably met during their childhood i think, bcjr was intelligent and well mannered and a respectable kid in sirius' age range, and ofc there's the hc that he was close friends w regulus, too. i hc he was pretty distant w bcjr himself but i just knoww sirius 'daddy issues' black needed everyone's parents' approval. orion was a negligent asshole sawr i think its a pretty valid course of action yk

and ofc bcsr loved him !! he was intelligent, he was quick, he was charming, well mannered, all the shit he wishes his bastard of a son was. and barty sr is a bit manipulative too yk he would definitely try to steal sirius away from his family and friends because he knows what sirius needs.

and like !! bcsr. he knows his son is death eater, he does use sirius as a replacement. he doesnt hide it, either, which he thinks justifies using a very obviously traumatized young boy to forget about the guilt in his heart about abusing, traumatizing and neglecting his own son. that being said, he gives sirius the watered down version of abuse his parents do - which sirius has grown comfortable enough with. that being said, the main reason sirius ran away isnt there: he's not a supporter of voldemort. he's actively fighting against him. (also hehe i hc walburga as bipolar so sirius is just happy he doesnt have a timebomb in the house 24/7) (or at least the timebomb doesnt explode around him !!). bcsr still mentions who sirius should associate himself with, still is disappointed when he doesnt get a good grade (an E instead of an O), he yells at sirius, maybe he raises a hand at him too - but at the end of the day sirius finds him justified because he's the one who took sirius under his wing, and is helping him, and is nice to him, and this is really what parents do to their children, right?

here is also when the post comes in btw: bcsr feels entitled to sirius' life, his idea of a parent/child relationship is ownership, and unfortunately that's sirius' view of it too, but bcsr is a lot calmer and quieter than walburga, he cares more than orion - to sirius its really the best of both worlds. bcsr wants sirius to go in politics which sirius does not want because he already has whatever career he's chosen for himself, and bcsr feels it necessary that sirius follow his - his own son wont.

bcsr does need sirius, he confides in him, he loves him (in his own fucked up way). sirius moves on, he runs away and gets farther and farther away from everything that reminds him of Before and feels resentment that bcsr (a man who he's considered his strongest father figure for years) doesn't even reach out to him once. bcsr feels that its a child's responsibility to reach out every time - he feels betrayed that sirius didn't runaway to him, that he didnt even know sirius had runaway till someone told him in passing. the letters they exchanged come to an abrupt end and it just feels like everything ended in the middle of it yk. barty crouch sr doesnt see sirius till sirius is arrested, soon after his own bio son is x

(also, yes sirius does still have the potters, but the potters are a completely different world to him. he's not used to that kind of completely unconditional love, he's not used to seeing how they shower their heir son in love. its a little bittersweet, it feels like a fantasy, sirius feels like he's intruding, he fills resentment to james for being raised with parents who love him and ofc he doesnt want that so he finds solace elsewhere. he thinks the potters are angels on earth, his relationship with bcsr is what the normal parent/child relationship. if walburga and orion are a 10 on the scale of what sirius considers to be 'bad parents', euphemia and fleamont are in the negative. bcsr falls somewhere in the middle, like a 2 or 3 to sirius. to bcjr, sirius can recognize, that bcsr is horrible. he yells, may hit, he's permanently disappointed when they do interact. they barely ever do - bcsr is always busy, he makes special time for sirius (which makes sirius giddy bc wowzers am i that important?) which cuts out even more time from bcsr and bcjr to interact. also, bcsr calls sirius son and he doesnt call bcjr son. sirius is lowk a homewrecker i love him.).

#sirius black #barty crouch jr #barty crouch sr #barty crouch sr x sirius black #sirius black x barty crouch sr #barty crouch sr and sirius black #sirius black and barty crouch sr #crouchcest #barty crouch jr x sirius black #sirius black x barty crouch jr #barty crouch jr and sirius black #sirius black and barty crouch jr

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void-inked-pen · 2 years ago

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UGHHH DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW THEY WROTE MIKEY.. MY BOY DESERVED BETTER. ESPECIALLY SINCE HE WAS CONFIRMED TO HAVE ADHD. as a person with adhd as well it just. idk i try not to think about it just because it doesn’t sit right with me, though it would be a dishonor to just ignore it.

to be honest they ALL deserved better, like you were saying, the character writing *definitely* could’ve done more right by the turtles. they literally make whole episodes based off of a potential personality growth of a specific character or flaws within the family (such as not listening to each other) and then basically backpedal the entire thing for the sake of drama and/or comedy. it’s so painful to see and a lot of fans sympathize with this. this is why i love and hate fanfiction in this fandom, because people either utilize/write their characterizations really well/more properly, or… just make it worse. but i’ve been trying to cultivate my experience so i only see the stuff i enjoy. there is some whacked up stuff out there, i’ll say that!

don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t my intent to neglect anything when just calling them dysfunctional without pointing out specific flaws (not that i necessarily think you’re trying to accuse me of that). i actually talk about this stuff with a handful of friends of mine that i met in a tmnt server. it’s really interesting to dive into, especially because while they would all die for each other in a heartbeat but if they have to properly express one (1) thing that emotionally hurt them they will literally jump through hoops to avoid it.

and lmao yeah, the current reincarnations of tmnt do tend to stray a bit from their roots. not always a bad thing, but i get what you’re saying. i really like the gritty stuff because i’m a sucker for angst, however i think it’s very important to find that good balance between humor and seriousness, which is sometimes a hard balance to strike even for good writers. though, good writing can and does get thrown because of what the producers want. i don’t know if that’s the case for 2012, but 🤷

I try my best to be open-minded, eheh. I’m not the knower of everything, after all. I am guilty of being a little hardheaded and stuck in my ways, but I also really enjoy having these conversations with people who are willing to just be chill about it. I have may have some differing opinions on 12 Leo than you, for example, but that doesn’t give me the excuse to be rude like some people have in your askbox. I’ve been working on getting more out of my shell (heh) and exposing myself to new opinions, so I love this kind of forum! you definitely have a follow from me. also, minor note, I think you should watch the 2007 tmnt movie. afaik it’s a bit more serious, but it’s done really well so i think you might like it based off of what you’ve said so far. cheers!

- sai guy

Appreciate you sai guy~

I would also like to note: im so critical of a lot of the characters in this franchise because I love them too, its not cause I only like one version over the other its cause I like how the different characters are written~

ah fanfiction.... how I both love and loathe thee~

(also on an aside, the character I'm the most upset with for how they are portrayed and written is Donnie because he's my favorite character and they basically made him an incel and also heavily dunked on just as badly as mikey and its so ANNOYING!! let that child rest and teach him how to talk to a girl like PLS)

I may watch that movie too but not rn lol my schedule is currently packed! thanks for chatting tho~

#pen talks #sai guy #rottmnt #tmnt 2012 #discussion

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scumbagg · 3 years ago

Text

NSFT/18+

Space Ghost Coast to Coast

A/N: I purely wrote this as Bell instead of Y/N since I can’t bring myself to write Y/N fics 😂

I recently finished MW2 and needed some Ghost food to heal my broken heart after the traumatic betrayal I witnessed. Also maybe a bit of DadPrice! giving a lecture. Here goes nothing..

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Fem Bell

Word count: 3252

Warnings: smut, injury (gunshot), blood, swearing.

“Eyes up, scouts patrolling up ahead.”

Price’s voice in your earpiece came through at the exact moment the two men appeared in your line of vision 40 metres in front of you.

“Dropped him.”

Aiming your sniper, the guard trailing slightly behind fell to the ground before you’d even had time to place your finger on the trigger. Taking aim at the other man’s head, your rifle made almost no sound as you took him out a second later.

“Nice shot. Move up.”

“Thanks.” You whispered back. You turned back for a moment to the place you knew Price was laying hidden almost 90 metres behind you.

“Move, Bell. We won’t have much time before more patrols come along and find those bodies.” Soap’s whispered voice now, also in your earpiece - but you knew he was somewhere to the right of you hidden in the long grass. You crawled quietly through the grass. You heard the brush whispering slightly either side of you as the bodies of Soap and Ghost moved up to flank with you.

“Hold up, two more tangoes patrolling the fence line.” Price murmured a moment later. “Take ‘em out, or let ‘em move on. Your call Bell”

“No stragglers.” You whispered back. You heard the pops from Ghost’s and Soap’s suppressed guns as they took out the two guards ahead.

“Good call.” Price confirmed. “Can’t see anymore inbound. You’re in the clear. House up ahead is empty. We’ll regroup inside.”

“Roger.”

Standing up, you scanned the area out of precaution for more enemies. Satisfied, you nodded to the other two men to move up. The three of you passed the fence line and had almost made it to the back door of the house when it happened.

You heard it before you felt it. The sound of a pistol being fired in your direction had you spinning to face the direction it came from, when suddenly you felt white hot pain erupt in your left shoulder. Dropping to the ground, the sound was over almost as quickly as it started, but your eyesight went black as you squeezed your eyes shut in pain and gripped your shoulder as blood poured through your fingers.

“Bell!” The scream came from within your earpiece at the same time Ghost shouted your name, making your ear throb in pain. You hardly noticed with the burning coming from your shoulder, but you still flinched.

“What the fuck was that?!” You gritted through your teeth.

“One of the guards back there wasn’t as dead as we thought. He fucking is now. Don’t worry darlin’, you’re gonna be alright.” Ghost pried your hand away from your shoulder and replace them with his own. “Soap, get me the medi-kit from your pack, quick!”

“Darlin’?!” Soap laughed as he handed Ghost the pack. Frowning, he looked down at the two of you.

“He’s taking the piss.. it’s an inside joke.. had to be there.” You said through gritted teeth, glaring into Ghost’s glasses. Ghost said nothing as he worked on stopping the bleeding, but the minimal supplies in the kit weren’t doing much.

“Fuck!” Ghost said in a panicked voice. You were starting to feel drowsy, and the sight of all the blood was making you queasy. You could feel your head starting to spin, threatening to send you into unconsciousness.

“Ghost, she’s gonna be fine. Look, the bullet went straight through.” Soap said calmly, pointing at the bullet lodged in the brick in the wall just behind where you’d been standing. “It’s a clean wound, it’ll just need stitches.”

“Fine. We’ve gotta get her back ASAP. I’ll take her, you and Price grab the intel.”

“No, I’ll take her.” Price came into view, rifle slung over his back. “You’re the one that’s better with technology, you’ll get the intel quicker from the computer. Someone’s bound to have heard those gunshots, we’re sure to have company soon. C’mon Bell.” Price hoisted you up under your uninjured arm, replacing Ghost’s hands with one of his. Stumbling, you gripped Price’s arm for support. Looking over at Ghost, you noticed his eyes tighten behind his sunglasses, but he nodded in assent.

“Let’s get moving,” Price commanded, nodding at the other two. “Soap, Ghost, I’ll send for another chopper to pick you up. See you boys at home.”

*****

Fourteen stitches and a bandaged shoulder later, the infirmary staff finally let you leave. Pushing open the exit door to the outside, you found Price leaning against a jeep waiting for you.

“What are you still doing here?” You asked suspiciously.

“Thought I’d give you a ride home. It’s a bit of a far walk and I assumed you’d be too hopped up on pain killers to drive yourself.” He replied, opening the passenger door courteously.

“Oh… thanks.” You said, taken aback by the display of kindness. It’s not that Captain Price was unkind; he’d just never shown any outward kindness outside of the field. You were surprised that he’d thought to even come back for you.

The two of you drove in silence for a few moments, before the question you were burning to ask broke its way out of your control.

“Did the other two make it back okay?” You tried to sound casual, but your insides were turning with worry.

“Yeah, they got back about an hour ago, no issues.” Price answered, concentrating on the road.

“And the intel?”

‘Acquired.” Price gruffed.

“Hmm, very good.” You stared straight ahead, watching the sun settle in the west. This was the first time in a non-formal environment you’d ever spent a moment alone with the Captain, and you weren’t sure how to make small talk with him. You sat in silence as Price drove you through the city. You wondered how he knew where you lived when it occurred to you that being a member of his team, he’d know where everyone lived. Not that you spent much time in your own house these nights. You thought back to a few nights ago...

The sound of Price clearing his throat awkwardly pulled you out of your reverie. Looking over at him, you watched as he shifted in his seat and waited for him to speak.

“What is it?”

Price sighed. “Look, I really don’t want to have this conversation. But I’ve told him the same thing I’m telling you now. This is one of the best task forces I’ve ever worked with, and I don’t want anything fucking that up. Understood?”

You felt your calm composure slip through the cracks as your eyes widened in panic. You glanced over to see him still staring straight ahead, his mouth set in a hard line.

“Wait, you know about-”

“Of course I fucking know.” Price snapped, watching you out of the corner of his eyes. Shit, so maybe he did know where you actually slept after all. “I know everything that goes on in my team. Look,” he said calmly. “I don’t give a fuck what you get up to in your spare time. It’s like I told him, I’m not going to report it. It’s not been an issue yet. Just don’t let it affect you on the job.”

“I haven’t! I’ve been so careful about trying to keep it professional while we’re on a mission!” Your heart raced at the fact you had been caught out.

“I know you have, Bell. But that man is head over heels for you, in case you hadn’t realised. I’m concerned he’ll let his feelings for you get in the way of the job. Look at today – he’s the best man on our team for tech, and he was willing to throw the whole job, just out of pure panic for you.” Price sighed again. “I’m not sending either of you away. I just needed to remind you of the main reason we are here. If you two can’t handle that, I’ll be forced to find someone to take your place on the team.”

“Does anyone else know?” You asked quietly.

“I don’t think so, but if Simon continues on the way he was today, I doubt it’ll be long until Soap catches on.” Price grimaced, then looked over at you. “Darlin’,” he grinned.

“Ughhh,” you groaned as Price pulled up outside what you now realised wasn’t your house. “I can’t believe he let that slip out.” You unbuckled your seatbelt, careful not to move too much that it pulled at your stitches. Opening your door, you looked back at Price. “Thanks for the ride, I appreciate it.”

Price smiled and nodded in response. “Don’t be too harsh on him about today,” he said, looking over your shoulder as you heard the front door open behind you. You closed the door and waved as the jeep drove away.

*****

All your anxiety from the conversation with Price suddenly turned to irritation as you turned to face the man in the doorway. You stormed towards him, your uninjured shoulder hitting his lower abdomen as you barged your way past him into the hallway.

“Bell-” he began.

“Get out of my way, Simon. I need a fucking shower.” You snapped irritably.

“Here, let me help-”

“No.”

“Bell!” Simon pleaded.

“What the fuck was that today?!” You snarled. “You might as well just fucking announce to the whole place that we’re together!” You began climbing the stairs towards the bathroom, but stopped halfway there. Staying angry wasn’t one of your strong suits, and seeing him standing pleadingly in the hallway washed away your irritation. “Look,” you sighed heavily, coming back down the stairs so you were eye level with him. “I just had the lecture of a lifetime from Price. I can’t lose what we have here Simon, and he warned if we couldn’t keep it professional out there, then one of us would be replaced.” You stepped towards him, reaching for him in both apology and forgiveness. You placed a hand on his masked jaw, your thumb stroking along his hard cheekbone.

“I’m sorry for today,” he said apologetically, leaning his cheek into your hand. “Seeing you injured and in pain, all that blood… I panicked.”

“It’s okay,” you soothed. Smiling up at him, you smacked his arm playfully. “You’re silly, you know that right. Even I knew it wasn’t bad, and you’ve seen way more injuries than I have. I can’t imagine how you would’ve been if Soap hadn’t been there to pull your head in.”

Simon wrapped his arm around your head, resting his hand at the base of your skull and pulled you in for a hug. You lifted your other arm to place it around his waist and winced. It didn’t go unnoticed.

“How are you feeling anyway, darlin’?” He stepped back to survey you.

“Rubbish. These pain killers are doing their job, but I feel disgusting. I really do need a shower.” You looked over your shoulder towards the bathroom. “I uh... might need a hand actually,” you said awkwardly, wondering how you were going to manage without getting your stitches wet. Surprisingly, this was your first major injury, given your line of work.

“C’mon,” he said, pulling you towards the bathroom.

Simon turned on the shower and helped you undress, helping remove your shoes, pants and underwear, aware of your fresh wound as he carefully pulled the shirt from your arms and over your head. His eyes filled with remorse as they fell on your injured shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, darlin’,” he whispered. “That guy that shot you… that’s the one I took down. I didn’t know he wasn’t dead.” He looked away sadly.

“Hey,” you grabbed his chin gently and turned his head so he was looking you squarely in the eyes. “It’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, no one else does. I’m fine.”

“But what if it had been worse? What if that bullet had landed here?” Simon touched your forehead. “Or here,” he said, touching the base of your throat. “What if-”

“Don’t think about it,” you said firmly, pulling his hand from your neck. “Simon, I said I’m fine.” Still holding his hand, you pulled it up to your lips. “There is one thing I am annoyed about, though,” you smirked as you kissed his fingers.

Simon looked at you quizzically. “Why am I the only one naked right now? Surely you’re not gonna shower in your clothes.” You stepped inside the shower, letting the water run over your head, careful to avoid letting it hit your left shoulder.

Simon’s eyes squinted, and you knew he was smirking behind his mask as he removed the rest of his gear and dumped it on the ground next to yours. As always, his mask was the very last thing he removed. No matter how comfortable Simon was with you, and no matter how many times you’d seen him without it, there were certain insecurities that were too deeply ingrained. The last piece of Ghost removed, and only Simon stood in front of you.

Simon stepped in the large shower with you. Grabbing a face washer and pouring body wash on it, he gently helped scrub off the dried blood that had made its way down your torso. He shampooed, conditioned and brushed your hair, knowing you couldn’t lift your arm to wash any dried blood that had knotted in there. Once you were clean, you grabbed the other face wash and carefully, with your good arm, moved it across his chest and abdomen. He watched as you gently made circles on his large shoulders and down his muscular arms.

You wrapped your good arm around the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. “Don’t be too long,” you smiled as you stepped out of the shower and wrapped yourself in a towel.

Walking to the dresser, you pulled out some clothes and attempted to get dressed but you couldn’t pull the shirt over your head. You sighed, and sat on the bed resignedly, still in your towel. You heard the shower stop running, and Simon stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Here,” you beckoned, reaching for him. Simon came to stand in front of you, standing in between your legs. You leaned forward and kissed his stomach, feeling the warm skin beneath your lips raise with goose bumps. You tugged on his arm, pulling him down towards the ground. He knelt, still between your legs, and leaned forward to bury his face in your neck. Almost a whole foot of height difference between the two of you, yet you were the only person who could bring Simon Riley to his knees.

Your good arm snaked its way around his broad back, tracing his spine, down to his hips to the edge of the towel. You heard Simon’s breath quicken, still lightly kissing your neck, when your fingers made their way around to the front of his towel and tugged it loose, letting it fall to the floor.

You lightly brushed your fingers down his stomach and over his navel, until you reached the base of his shaft. You felt Simon’s breath hitch as you gripped it in both hands.

“Bell..” he groaned.

“Mmm?”

He brought his mouth round to yours, kissing you deeply. His mouth trailed back along your jaw to your ear. “Why am I the only one that’s naked?” You felt his smirk against your cheek as he repeated your line back to you.

“Maybe you should fix that,” you whispered back.

Simon wasted no time in removing your towel and throwing it across the other side of the room. You laid back on the bed as he trailed kisses down your chest, taking a nipple in his mouth and thumbing circles around the other. Your hands threaded themselves through his thick hair as you massaged his head. Simon’s hands followed his head as he made his way down your stomach and down your navel, his hands gliding over your hips and massaging up and down your thighs.

You threw your head back and moaned in pleasure as he buried his face between your legs, his mouth sucking and licking at your clit. You gasped as you felt one of Simon’s fingers enter you, then two, and he slowly picked up a rhythm as his mouth and fingers worked in synch. You could feel your walls begin to tighten as you got closer to your orgasm.

“Stop,” you gasped. Simon looked up quickly.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked worriedly.

“Not at all,” you tugged at his arm so he pulled himself so he was hovered above you. “I need you in me right now,” you purred as you pulled his head down, his lips crashing to meet yours.

You reached down and grabbed his length firmly, stroking it. Simon’s eyes glazed over with lust as he moved his head back to your neck. Guiding him, you positioned him at your entrance.

“You sure?” he asked huskily. You knew he was teasing. He knew exactly what you wanted.

“Yes,” you breathed.

You both groaned with pleasure as he entered you, filling and stretching you out. Simon set a slow pace at first, until he was sure you had adjusted to him, then quickened the pace. His hands moved to your waist as he slammed into you, holding you in place so you didn’t move around too much. He pulled your legs over his shoulders and you gripped his forearms, lost in pleasure.

Simon leaned forward and your legs dropped to his waist. He took one of your breasts in his mouth. You moaned in ecstasy as he hit the sweet spot inside of you.

“Simon.. I think I’m gonna-” you gasped.

Still inside of you, Simon pulled you on top of him as he rolled onto his back. “Not yet, you’re not.”

“Owwwww!” You winced as the action pulled tightly at your left shoulder.

“Fuck! Sorry! You okay?” He asked worriedly.

“Yeah,” you moaned as you picked up the pace again. You brought your legs either side of his waist and pulled his hands to your breasts as you lowered yourself onto him, taking him completely. Now in control, you could feel every movement and every angle as you took him deep inside you.

Simon gripped your breasts firmly as he felt your walls begin to tighten. “C’mon, darlin’,” he groaned. “I’m not far off, myself.”

“I’m gonna come,” you whined. You rocked your hips back and forth and threw your head back as your walls clenched around him. You rode your orgasm out, and heard Simon groan as his own orgasm erupted into you. You fell on top of him, exhausted and satisfied.

Simon gently rolled you off him and onto the bed as he got up to get some water. Your eyes followed him, appreciating his finely sculpted body as he walked to the sink in the ensuite, grabbing a glass off the nightstand and filling it with water. He met your eyes as he walked back to the bed.

“What?” He asked bashfully as he handed you the water, aware of his nakedness.

“You’re beautiful,” you smiled drowsily, taking the glass.

Simon chuckled. “Are you sure you’re okay? They must be some strong drugs they gave you.”

“Hmmm... never better” you sighed as you handed the water back to him. Despite what you said, sleep was already pulling you under.

Simon leaned in and kissed your forehead.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

#simon ghost riley #ghost x f reader #ghost x fem bell #ghost modern warfare

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sluttbuttsstuff · 3 years ago

Note

Not to spam you but…

Yandere la squada and a darling that’s a little pant-y mess on the occasion that she masturbates and knows a member of the team is home, but upon thinking she’s alone (unaware of her stalker) is masturbating REALLY FUCKING LOUD 🥺 👉👈 sorry if it’s too filthy but this thought will not let me know peace

I do NOT know how to write short pieces; sorry, but that's just not the kind of writer i am. That being said, i had a lot of fun with this, so thanks for the request!

WARNINGS: afab femme reader, Not sfw, dub/con, but reader strongly implied to be okay with everything, voyeurism, sex toys, fingering, blow jobs, intercourse, etc.

Why is it so hard to get some alone time?!...okay, when you’re living with 9 other men, it shouldn’t really come as a surprise to you, but STILL! Well, at least you were able to release some tension, late at night when everyone was too asleep to barge into your room to ask you for something, but you had to stay quiet. God forbid anyone hear the noises you make, so you had to get yourself off quickly and efficiently, without getting to really enjoy yourself. So when this week’s meeting left you free for a day at the base ALONE (even Risotto himself had to be out for a mission, which was rare) you intended to take advantage of it to the fullest.

First: You sang all your favorite songs at the top of your lungs, without fear of anyone hearing you go out of key, or judging you for your taste in music. Then, You took an extra long shower AND bubble bath, effectively using up all the hot water and pampering your skin and hair-which you never had time to when you had to share the bathroom with all the other members. You ate a ton of junk food and ordered delivery all for yourself, and watched all the shows and movies you didn't have the time to before because Formaggio would watch sports games all day.

Finally, you figured now was as good a time as any to....”relax your body”. You were so excited, it had been so long since you’d taken the time to really explore your body while you rubbed one out. You got undresses, rubbing your smooth, moisturized legs together while you turned on one of your favorite pornos on your laptop. You mimicked the motions onscreen, rubbing your neck, your chest, stomach, and finally the lower lips of your pussy. You were already warm and tingling with anticipation, and it didn’t take long for you to get into it. You let yourself moan freely, not saying anything in particular as you clenched around your fingers, lubing yourself up for your toys that were waiting to be used again.

Eventually, the porn ended, but you were just getting started, rocking yourself on your favorite dildo, circling a vibe around your clit and pinching your nipples. It was intense but slow, pleasure raising and declining like gentle hills you rode out. Still, you held off your orgasm for as long as possible, you were having so much fun you didn’t want it to end. You were so invested in the pleasure you were feeling, the rest of the world went away, you didn't even notice the crash of your laptop off the bed.

You were close now, like it or not, so you pushed your body faster and harder than you had in ages, despite the cramps in your wrist and hips. You couldn’t stop your body now, wailing out, tears streaming down your face as you begged yourself for release. Almost there, almost-!!!!

Formaggio: Of course Formaggio was able to finish his hit early- he’s good at his job and doesn’t like carrying things out needlessly! Besides, his favorite team’s playing tonight, he has to hurry home before Prosciutto claims the TV again for an old movie marathon, ughhh. He calls out to you when he arrives home, since he knows you were off this week, but didn’t hear you greet him. You must now have heard him, either, or you wouldn’t be making noises like that. Formaggio cackles to himself-of course you’re getting off, he does the same when he gets the day off too. He likes to do something more exciting than usual though, like leave his door open, or do it in someone else’s room. Yours, for example.

Stifling his own laughter, he uses his stealth skills to sneak into your room. You’re so out of it, you don’t even notice when he opens the door, or your overturned laptop at the foot of your bed. It’s pretty hot, actually, you’re usually more tight-lipped than this, refusing his advances and keeping to yourself when not at work. He likes this side of you a lot more; hair messy, gleaming with sweat, and moaning like a porn star. Yeah baby, let it all out! Formaggio knows he probably shouldn’t, that you’ll kill him afterwards, but Formaggio isn’t exactly a good guy per se so he forces himself on you and grabs the dildo from your hands. You gasp and make an odd, half-choking noise, shocked at Formaggio’s presence and trying to stop moaning in front of him while he fucks you on your toy at double speed.

“Yo, y/n, had a good day today without the guys around? IT’s about to be a lot better, now that I'm here~ why don’t you let me have a turn making you feel good? I’m sure you’re tired from doing this all yourself.” Formaggio teases you, as you struggle to find the words and hide the noises. Finally, you roll your eyes and give up; if Formaggio really wants to help you out so badly, then you’re gonna put him to work. The two of you end up fucking for the rest of the aftenoon and evening, until Proscuitto bangs on your door to keep it down, and even then you have another round or two while giggling.

The two of you are exhausted, but sated, afterwards, and you convince Formaggio to make a run to the fridge to pull out your leftovers, on the condition you share them with him. You spend the rest of the night eating in bed, watching Formaggio’s beloved game on your laptop, and falling asleep. It's an almost perfect end to your day, except for the fact that Formaggio snores louder than a chainsaw.

Illusio: unfortunately, this is not the first time Illusio’s heard (or seen) you masturbate, try as you might to hide it. With a stand like his, you know he not only has the means, but desire to snoop on others. Hell, half the time he doesn’t even mean to spy on others, he just forgets about other’s privacy when he’s in his mirror world. This is, however, the first time you’ve been so vocal, presumably because everyone’s supposed to be out right now. Poor girl, it must be hard to take care of your needs when you’ve got to stare at him all day. He’d be pretty flustered too, with his long chocolate locks and well-toned muscles. Illusio pities you, so he decides he’ll give you the help you clearly need. Jumping from the mirror in the hallway to the one in your bedroom (See? You don’t even cover it up, of course you want him to ravish you!) he watches and listens for a minute at the raunchy display before him. Despite you clearly doing this for quite awhile, judging from the sheen of sweat and heavy breathing, your movements were steady and rhythmic, almost like you’d been edging yourself for a long time. How cute. You must have wanted him to finish the job for you. You’re being very loud however, which Illusio likes, but you’re not saying what he wants to hear. So, he slinks over to you like a ghost, and puts his hand over your mouth to stop you from screaming.

“As much as I love coming home to hear you pleasuring yourself, I think we can do a little better than this. And also-” He kisses the side of your shocked face, “If you’re going to scream something, scream my name.” He picks up where you left off, edging you again and again until you’re so desperate that you beg him to fuck you, and say all the pretty words he wants you to. He fucks you so good you squirt when you come, and makes you come again after he finishes inside of you. It takes you a minute or two to recover, but when you do, and Illusio is bragging about what he did to you, you chase him out of your room with a pillow for being an annoying cocky bastard.

Prosciutto:

Hmmm, well, this is a bit awkward. He knows what the noises mean the minute he first hears them, but isn’t sure how to approach this without embarrassing both of them. If it had been one of the other men, he’d have just slammed their door until they shut up so he didn’t have to listen to their tug session, but Prosciutto prided himself on being a gentleman, and didn’t want to embarrass a lady if he didn’t have to.

He waited about 5 or so minutes, hoping you would wrap up, but when you only got louder and louder he decided enough was enough. After all, god forbid one of the other men hear you-like Illusio or Formaggio. So, steeling himself, he coughed loudly and knocked on your door. You must not have heard him, as your moaning didn’t stop, you were clearly enjoying yourself too much to notice or care about the other men in the base.

Prosciutto huffed, almost offended. Is this what he gets for trying to be polite? Jerking off loudly like a common whore where anyone could walk into you? He tried the doorknob, and was almost disappointed you were careless enough to leave it unlocked. Really, this was all your fault, so when your noises of pleasure turned to shock and embarrassment, he merely chided you for your carelessness, forcing his tongue into your mouth to shut you up while he took over. He took control and instructed you how to properly touch yourself, as well as jerk him off in appreciation for the self-love lesson. He decides to leave it there for the night, as motivation for a reward the next time you’re home alone. So you better work hard on your next missions if you want him to properly fuck you, got it?

Pesci:

Pesci was grateful Prosciutto was willing to finish up the job for him, since it meant he got to go home early. Heck, maybe he could even get a chance to watch one of his documentaries before Formaggio came home and the game started. However, he was growing increasingly concerned about the noises coming from your room. He didn’t want to pry or anything, but you sounded...almost in pain. Sometimes you worked out or did yoga though, and Pesci thought that’s what you were working on, so he decided to leave you be.

However, upon hearing a loud crash, followed by a particularly pained groan, he thought it was best to check in on you. He knocked on your door frantically, but you were unable to answer it. Oh no, maybe you’d hurt yourself so badly you couldn’t even move! Determined to help you, he opened the door, only to see you writhing on the bed, nude and in the midst of an intense self-love session.

Pesci’s mouth opened, and closed, but unlike you, he couldn’t make a sound at the sight before him. It’s true, he harbored a small crush on you, but he had hope he would see you like this under better circumstances. He wasn’t sure what to do, he knew the right thing was to close the door and pretend like this never happened, but you seemed desperately in need of help, not to mention Pesci’s pants were tented with his own sudden but no less intense arousal.

Thinking back to advice Prosciutto had given him about manning up and taking what he wanted from life, he creeps up to your still unaware body, crouching onto your bed with a squeak of the bed springs. This is enough to break you from your trance, and you jolt up, looking at Pesci in shock and embarrassment. Pesci shushes you before you can say a word, pushing a trembling, clammy finger to your lips.

“Please...Let me help you y/n,” He begs you, looking you in the eyes with more courage and bravery than you’d seen from the man since you first met him. Still wet and horny, and body growing tired, you lick his finger, earning an adorable squeak from Pesci; this is going much better than he thought it would. You pull him on top of you, and show him what to do.

What Pesci lacks in experience he makes up for in quick-learning and a massive cock with a short refractory period. You move his hands for him across your body, bringing yourself to climax finally, and return the favor with a blowjob. Pesci doesn’t last long, but he’s hard again very quickly, which you decide to use to your advantage. You ride him again and again, Pesci doing everything you tell him to, and making sure you come as many times as he does. He comes everywhere, inside you and out and on your chest, and makes quite the mess of you.

IT doesn’t stop him from pulling you into a passionate kiss and spooning when you’re both sated, mumbling his thanks and sweet compliments about you. You end up sleeping together that night, and in the morning the men tease him half to death about it, but you can tell Prosciutto's proud of him.

Melone:

Oh, he’s been WAITING for this day since you first joined the team, and now that it’s finally happening he can hardly believe it’s real. First he Manages to reactivate the babyface from today’s mission to grab his camera and record everything. Then, he grabs his chest of toys from his room to help you out. He has a hard time not just jumping in and screwing you into your mattress, but like everything in Melone’s life, he has a plan for this, and he intends to follow through with it. After getting a minute or two of just your moans recorded (just in case his “mission” is unsuccessful, at least he’ll have fap material for later, he decides to make himself known.

“You know, y/n, your arm’s are going to get worn out like that before you’re able to climax if you keep this up.” Melone chided you, sitting on your vanity stool, head in his hands like he wasn’t just watching you touch yourself. You scream, out of shock and anger this time, trying to cover yourself and yell at him to get out. Melone’s incredibly stubborn however, and the tongue of a snake, and is able to persuade you into letting him stay, be it from charm, blackmail, or perhaps tapping into your own dark desires.

He starts by merely watching you, taking pictures with his phone and directing babyface on angles to take video. He instructs you on how to touch yourself, and gives you free range on his collection of toys. It all feels good, and you are able to come, but you’re still unsatisfied, to your disappointment. As if knowing this would be the result all along, Melone plays dumb and makes YOU beg him to touch and fuck you.

Once you finally give in, though, he’s much nicer to you, and to no one’s surprise is an excellent lover. He licks your pussy until you come again, and then finger fucks you once more for good measure, before pulling out his copy of the Kama Sutra. He lets you pick out your favorite positions, as well as a few he thinks will give you the most pleasure, and you tire yourself out.

Ghiaccio:

Ghiacchio does NOT want to deal with your loud noises right now, and he ESPECIALLY doesn’t want to deal with the “problem” it’s caused him personally. He breaks your door down, fully intending to chew you out for being so….”distracting” but ironically enough, Ghiacchio freezes when he sees you. He doesn’t have the most experience with dating, especially not with women (I imagine what limited experience he has was with other passione members *cough* Melone *cough*) so seeing you fully bare in front of him is a lot.

The noises you made haven’t helped either, halfway pained and desperate, it makes Ghiaccio oddly jealous; he wants to be the one that makes you make those noises. So before you can chase him out, or cover yourself, he tackles you on the bed, sloppily kissing and touching you. He’s rough, as you could have probably guessed, but also weirdly shy and gentle? For example, he fingers you so roughly and quickly you cum squirting within minutes, but he’s looking you in the eyes the entire time and gaging your expressions/reactions. He’s got a giant blush on his face, almost like he’s ashamed of doing this, but then bites your shoulder while he spears himself inside of you with a snarl.

Good news: you are no longer the loudest one in the house, Ghiacchio progressively growling then shouting the closer he is to climax. He jackhammers you with incredible speed, and bends your body in half to suit his own purposes. It takes him a couple rounds until he’s fully sated, but then he gets really soft afterwards. He likes to spoon you from behind so you don’t see his face, but he holds you gently, rubbing your shoulders where he nipped you, and soothing your sore muscles.

Risotto:

Let’s be honest: this isn’t his first time hearing you masterbate, he’s heard everyone in the base do it at least once. Hell, he’s even walked in on Melone a dozen times, once with Ghiacchio, so that’s not the issue. What is the issue, however, is that you’re being so loud and obvious he can’t ignore it. Even putting aside his personal feelings for you (which he isn’t necessarily willing to do) it would be bad if you were keeping yourself pent up like this around the others. You could be distracted on missions and hurt yourself or mess up your hit. Or worse- you could go to the others for sexual relief.

Clearly, you needed help, and it was your capo’s responsibility to help you take care of it, and only him. He turns invisible and sneaks into your room, but he needn’t have tried so hard to be stealthy. You were clearly in your own little world, fucking yourself on your fingers, crying out over the wet squelching of your aching pussy. He touches you lightly, so lightly you barely notice, while he’s still invisible. Sure, Risotto’s more than happy to do this, and he doesn’t care if you or the others know about his feelings, but he’s still a little shy, and unsure how you’ll react.

He’s worried for nothing, however, when you unconsciously rock into his touch, palming your breasts and licking the sweat off your brow. You’re confused about the phantom touches lingering on your body and invisible force rubbing your clit, but too aroused to do anything about it. You merely relax your tired body, letting yourself be finger-fucked into climax, crying out in pleasure-pain from the large, rough hands raking orgasm after orgasm out of your body.

After Risotto’s able to finger you enough to (he hopes) sufficiently stretch you out, he repositions your limp body, fluffing pillows under your head and placing you to face his still invisible body. He rubs the head of his cock against your clit and entrance, collecting as much lubrication onto his cock as he can. At the last minute, Risotto turns himself invisible, and watches the look of surprise and embarrassment turn into red hot need as he bottoms out into your aching, tender pussy.

He doesn’t go easy on you, each thrust hitting the deepest parts of you, forcing squeals out of you every time. You wrap your arms around him, trying to take some sort of control of the situation, but Risotto doesn’t give you an inch as he fucks the daylights out of you. Your moans spur him on, having gone from non-specific mewling to begging for Risotto to go deeper, harder, “more, more, more!” Risotto likes this side of you best, completely under his control and telling him exactly what he’s doing to you.

Far too soon, you orgasm again, already sensitive from your previous orgasms. Risotto isn’t done though, and doesn’t finish for several hours. Even when the others go home, and are tempted to say something, they hear who’s name you’re calling, and think twice before interrupting their capo’s “alone time.” Finally, after finishing, You pass out almost immediately, too exhausted to even clean yourself off. So, Risotto takes care of you, cleaning up your mess, putting some comfy pjs on you, and fetching some water and painkillers (just in case).

When he walks out of your room, the Squad is silent, no one daring to say anything (Ghiacchio and Formaggio are physically restraining Melone from talking). Risotto sees no need to say anything to them either, merely gives them all an unreadable look, before smiling to himself and returning to your room. Tomorrow, he’s going to need to rearrange the schedule; you’ll need some time off to recover.

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deathbidean · 4 years ago

Text

my destiel fic recs pt.2

i have binged too many fics since my last recommendation so here’s more that i absolutely love!!

Sing a Song of Sex Puns - Persephoneshadow : That one verse where Dean and Cas are good at talking during sex but not about the fact they're having sex. as the name suggests, it’s a heckload of smut. but goddamn it’s so cute and silly and sweet!! you will be screaming at these two idiots i swear!!

Love: A Retrospective - xylodemon : Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker. basically a run through dean and cas’ relationship throughout the series but better. oh so beautifully written and painfully romantic and sad

before knowing remembers - dothraki_shieldmaiden : Memory believes before knowing remembers. There's something that Dean's missing. He's almost sure of it.15.04 coda. holy shit, HOLY SHIT!! this fic is so good and beautifully written and intricate and gahhhh it’s just so damn good

As Only Saints Have Listened - clockworkrobots : “I love you,” he'd said. (12.12 coda). you want pain? you want hurt? well here you have it. again, just absolute stunning writing, i have no words

IPAMIS OL OLPRIT -emmbrancsxxo : The Winchesters, Castiel, and Jack discover the Men of Letters hid away a weapon that may be able to kill Michael. The only problem: it can only be used with John Winchester's blood. When Rowena performs a spell to temporarily bring John back, Dean runs into another problem. His father doesn't approve of his angel, and Castiel isn't too impressed with John either. no no you don’t understand - i reread this the other day and fuck, i forgot how good it is!! prepare to scream in frustration and just generally love this!!

Professional Couples Only - saltyfeathers : There's a haunted apartment building in Vermont, and the ad says "Professional couple only". Dean and Cas rise to the occasion. y’all,,,, Y’ALL!!! the frickin fic will be the death of me holy shit!! it’s just!! it’s!!! idiot cas and dean and it’s pure goodness!!!

for a sinner released - dothraki_shieldmaiden : Testing his theory, he runs his fingers over the soft skin of Dean’s wrist, until his thumb is pressed firmly against Dean’s hammering pulse. Cas pulls, gently but inexorably, until Dean is forced to take a step forward. The shift in positioning pushes the barrel of the gun into his forehead. Cold metal touches overheated skin, and Cas inhales sharply at the contrasting sensations. The gun is unforgiving, relentless, beautiful. It’s like Dean. oh oh oh y’all are gonna like this one. i’m not big on endverse fics but holy shit, this one is amazing. mean in places but still sweet!

protect and serve - dothraki_shieldmaiden : Police officer Dean Winchester's next assignment seems easy enough: a protection detail on Assistant District Attorney Castiel Novak, who's been receiving death threats in conjunction with the case that he's prosecuting. Dean's assignment is to keep ADA Novak safe, alive, and in one piece so that he can start his trial against Dick Roman, notorious CEO charged with the death of at least eight people. With threats that quickly spin out of control, a missing teenage genius, Dean's attraction to Novak, and Novak's mercurial attitude towards Dean--Dean Winchester's next assignment is anything but easy. who doesn’t love a good police/protector au?? ughhh i love this one so goddamn much!! the characters!! the plot!! the tension!!!

the taste of gravel in the mouth - deathbanjo : This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. this. this hurts. it’s beautiful and stunning and all around amazing. but it hurts.

and all this devotion - dothraki_shieldmaiden : Dean’s not stupid. He’s seen the looks Cas has aimed his way, when Cas thought he wasn’t paying attention. He’s leveled his share of looks back at Cas when the angel’s attention was elsewhere. More than once, he’s been caught in the act. At this point, they’re both dancing around the same elephant, too scared and caught in their ways to make the first move.OR: Dean gets hurt on a hunt. Cas takes care of him. There's only one bed. Confessions ensue. so so so cute!!!! holy shit i love this one so goddamn much!! touch-starved idiots and sweetness

too much - quiettewandering : “There’s too much of your mother in you,” John used to say. Too much empathy. Too much love. It’s what got her killed, after all. hurt hurt hurt! honestly, FUCK john winchester! but seriously, this fic is so good and the characterisation of dean and his self-worth issues is so beautifully written and tragic

i could probably continue for days about these fics and various other ones but i shall save that for another post! if y’all want more, i have plenty to recommend and that everyone should read because they’re just so good!! enjoy and please binge all the fanfics you can!! Xx

pt.1 , pt.3

#supernatural #destiel #dean winchester #spn 15x03 #castiel #spn 15x13 #spn spoilers #destiel fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #spn 15x09 #deancas #sam winchester #spn 15x11 #spn 15x18 #spn #destiel fluff #destiel fanfic rec #fanfic rec

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catelyngrant · 3 years ago

Note

Kara Danvers

My favorite thing about them: Her compassion and the way it touches and changes everyone she comes into contact with for the better. There's something really remarkable about a character who has suffered so much and not only remains hopeful and optimistic but uses that pain as motivation and a tool to make the world and the people around her better. One of the threads of her arc that I was most invested in was her feeling like she had to serve a purpose on Earth, that she had been sent there for a reason and had to live up to the expectations of her parents and almost justify her own survival - especially after she didn't get the chance to raise and protect Kal-El - and slowly coming to understand, through the people who love her, that she doesn't need to be Supergirl to make the world a better place. She does that just by being Kara, and the most important part of Supergirl is her heart, not her powers. (There's a reason "Human For A Day" remains one of my favorite episodes!)

My least favorite thing about them: So this is definitely partly flaws in the writing, but I wish she advocated for herself more in some circumstances and didn't just skim past/bury hurts inflicted on her by people she loves. I was glad to see her snap at Cat in "Red Faced", her laying into Mon-El in "In Search of Lost Time", and finally getting real with Lena in the hundredth episode, but there were some really important things that she really just never addressed - all of the hurt and pain she felt from/towards Alura in season one was handwaved upon their reunion, and the impact of Clark abandoning her was only hinted at by Alex. She and Alex herself had some really serious fault lines stemming back to "Falling" but highlighted upon Jeremiah's return ("You're either a part of this family or you're not," OUCH) and again in the last few episodes with regards to Esme, and I really am bummed we never got to see them truly unpack or even have Kara explicitly address how hurtful and unfair those situations were. I also really was not thrilled with how the handled the aftermath of Lena's actions in season five (and her actions/prejudices going back all the way to season two) and how quickly and unconditionally Kara forgave Lena's truly horrific, personal, and intentionally and unnecessarily malicious actions and attacks. Forgiveness and compassion are core traits for Kara, but in that case I felt they came far too easily and minimized the impact of Lena's "redemption arc" to the point that it was pretty much nonexistent, and the harm she did to Kara specifically was just sort of forgotten. That was a disservice to both characters.

My favorite canon relationship: I was kind of figuring that the series would end with the hint of a developing Kara/William relationship, so SO MUCH FOR THAT, ughhh. I would've been into it, I really liked their dynamic and thought he'd have been good for her. I also like Kara/James - don't totally love how it was handled in season one, specifically the triangle with Lucy and the emotional affair plus James's reaction to Kara's trauma with Red Kryptonite, but I thought they were solid and they certainly deserved much, much better than they got.

My favorite non-canon relationship: I mean, Supercat, obviously. I love their canon mentorship/friendship/partnership, I love the idea of them having an actual romantic relationship, I love pretty much every iteration of their dynamic where they push each other to be better versions of themselves. I'm such a sucker for the grumpy/prickly one (with a soft heart, naturally) + the sunshine one (with deeply-rooted trauma for extra fun) dynamic and they hit every check mark for me. Still riding high on that part of the finale! I also really like Kara/Lucy and am forever sad that Lucy was one of the casualties after the Vancouver move.

The sexuality I headcanon for them: She'd probably be fine with any variation of bi/queer, but I lean towards pansexual.

What I’d do if I could spend the day with them: I'd want to be careful not to take advantage of her so I'd check with her first, but I feel like she'd probably really get joy out of taking people flying, etc., and seeing their reactions and how excited they get. So I'd probably ask her to fly me to her favorite restaurant/eatery anywhere in the world, buy her lunch, spend several hours just chatting because I think she'd be such an interesting person to talk to. Then I think we'd probably find a cozy place to hang out and watch a movie/TV show we both love while eating delicious dessert and having animated conversations about whatever we're watching.

Random fact about them I like: The fact that the resume she gave Cat when she first applied to be her assistant (the executive assistant of one of the most powerful people in the entire world who runs an entire media empire) listed the entirety of her work history as waitressing at Noonan's, a summer internship at a local newspaper in Midvale, and a part time nanny gig. Part of me imagines that Cat hired her partly bc of the sheer audacity of her even applying, lol.

#supergirl #kara danvers #bed time now but keep 'em coming i'll catch up tomorrow

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saintobio · 3 years ago

Note

i am usually VERY PICKY with how a story is thought of, and written. i usually never get attached to fanfictions either and yet... when i say this... i say this with a FULL CHEST MIGHT AS WELL ADD MY ENTIRE BEING AND SOUL WITH IT TOO BECAUSE that is how much i absolutely love your Sincerely Not series! congratulations for finishing season 1 that was seriously wow... rendered me speechless. you are seriously the BEST i love your works so much! cannot wait to see what else you got in store for szn 2! and those last two chapters? at this rate y/n won't be the only needing a heart surgery ashfisa once again thank you so much for this masterpiece! stay safe and healthy! please take that well-deserved break to the fullest! <3

Anonymous said

as a writer, your setup of their character development and the exposition of it all was sooo effective! like giving gojo’s pov attention throughout the last few chapters makes you feel bad for him despite his previous behavior, and even though the wedding is seen as a good thing for y/n’s fresh start, i feel people can’t help but be sympathetic towards and even feel really bad for gojo. plus starting out with toji’s really warm and inviting introduction then revealing him as y/n’s husband-to-be makes her marriage to him seem really naturally, and it makes the audience more receptive to the development rather than hating an unfamiliar groom. ughhh everything about the narrative and build up is just so well thought out and planned really well and executed so excellently. massive kudos.

Anonymous said

Nothing in this world could describe how much pain I felt during the airing of this series. Every word, every sentence, and every paragraph is a masterpiece of its own. Saint, thank you so much for sharing such beautiful writing on this site for free. I remembered months ago that i binge read your oikawa street racer au to remember, forever to love, always and my pillow knows how much i screamed when I saw you posting a new series which is sincerely not. And God, wow. I just love how much emotion you made me feel while reading. Thank you for giving me—us the privilege to see you as a writer and your writing style improve and grow. I don’t know if you can read this with all the asks sent into your inbox but I hope you will continue to live a happy and healthy life ahead of you. Once again, thank you so much for writing and simply existing! I am so looking forward to your next works if you have any plans on publishing it ❤️

Anonymous said

Saint, Sincerely not is a masterpiece. No, actually that’s an understatement, because it’s so much more than that. Thank you so, so, SO much for all these amazing chapters and all the work you put into it. And thank you for not sticking to a happy end, because that‘s sadly not how our world works. Yes, it‘s so fucking painful; i can‘t even cry rn because i‘m currently on a train (i don‘t know why on earth i thought that reading the final chapter here was a good idea but anyways), but life‘s not a fairytail and many things happened between Gojou and Y/N that cannot be easily forgotten nor forgiven. Everything that happened was just… perfect. Yes, it was painful, it was heart-wrenching, but it was painfully beautiful. I haven’t been this invested in a story for a very long time, but man it is absolutely perfect and i want to thank you for that. I am heartbroken and i definitely need a good cry when i come home lol, but i can‘t wait what you have in store for season 2. Please take your well deserved rest and take care.

Anonymous said

Ahhhhh i was balling my eyes out through 90% of this chapter!! You have done a phenomenal job, thank you so much for writing sincerely not!! I’ve never been so invested in anything as much as I am with this. You are amazing, so please please please take some time for you and take a well deserved break and treat yourself maybe 😉💙

Anonymous said

HI SAINT!! I JUST WANTED TO TELL U THAT I'VE BEEN HERE FOR A LIL WHILE NOW AND I LOVE SN SMM<33 AND IM VERY GLAD U CONTINUED WRITING!I LOVED THE NEW CHAPTER AND AM SO EXCITED FOR THE REST OMGKCJS<33 - cupid anon (also pls take care of urself:))

@el13 said

I just can't tell you how much I love your work! I've been reading fanfiction for a few years now, but I didn't get that invested into it for a long while, as I did with yours. And with that I don't mean only 'sincerely not', but also your other series and one shots. I hope you can rest well and continue enjoying writing 🌻💕

@0003joker said

Yo…this finale chapter🥲…I’ve been reading sad stuff lately, I be getting myself depressed, why am I doing this to myself!!!😀🥲 But it’s okay because the sad things I’ve read are amazingly good, and this story Saint, SN, is amazingly good.😌 Get that rest in, those sleep in days, those eating good food days, get that enjoyment in because you deserve it.💛

@bakugousmrs said

Okay I just wanna say I LOVE YOU AND I'LL GIVE MY LIFE TO YOU for this MAGNIFICENT PIECE!!😭 Remember that Saint!! I love how you write this and making me feel every emotions acquainted with this Gorgeous Fic!! AAHHHHH!! I FEEL SO DEAD BUT ALIVE IDK ANYMORE!!!! The hiding-the-son part to Y/N and Toji were the fucking end game!!! gave me heart attacks!! You really went "THIS WORLD SHALL KNOW PAIN!" on us!!😭😭 I fucking love this! I just wish things would go better for the both of them!! I wanna see some BABY MUNCHKIN fluffy scenes pleasee!! Goshdarn it!! WAHHHH!! I WANNA GO TO WAR!! I FEEL SO HURT AND HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME 'CAUSE YESS!!! THIS SHOULD BE WITH SHAKESPEARE'S PIECE LEVEL OF APPRECIATION!! 😭😭😭 I don't think Y/N would really marry Toji 'cause I can't see their relationship like that, and what happened to the ballerina chick huh? Why? Huhuhuhu

And you are always welcome we literally love you on all ways possible. We appreciate your hardwork, time EVERYTHING and we will always be here for you!! This is one of the best thing I have for my entire life, meeting you was a wonderful, yet disasterous at the same time 'coz you make crazyyy! I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU! Take care of yourself 'cause we can't do that when some of us are on the other side of the world 🌎! I love you!!

@kazbrkker said

Saint you absolutely outdid yourself with Sincerely Not. It has been such a ride and I’m so damn happy that you can finally get some well deserved rest. Love you! 🖤

Anonymous said

sincerely not is one of the best fanfics i’ve read of all time and i have not cried as much or contemplated the events this heavily afterwards when reading any other fic and because of that i am immensely terrified for the sequel…that is all

@gojo-catoru said

You a legend for this one Saint. This was so bloody brilliant. I can’t even find the words or will to formulate how fucking show-stopping this one line was. ”But he hoped to every saint that he wouldn’t lose that part of him that loved you.” You have successfully and indefinitely raised the standards of both real like and fictional men/women for me. Now I’ll be single forever.

Saint, I can’t thank you enough for this amazing series you’ve so painstakingly write for us. I am one of those readers who stayed up late on update days to read the new chapter and then maybe catch some Zzzs (but I am a regular insomniac so no worries there). And each update was TOTALLY worth the hype and wait. I know firsthand that it’s not AT ALL easy to write such a complex and nuanced story, especially when it’s a weekly affair and 10k+ words, but you’ve done extraordinarily well and took us on a magical adventure for the past few months.

On a more personal note, thank you for giving me something to look forward to each week and letting me be a small part of an amazing fandom you have. I loved going through all the gallery pictures, the asks and the character interviews. It’s all the extra tidbits like these that sets fanfiction apart, in a league of its own as compared to novels and other books. I’ve never read an ongoing series before this one because I can’t handle the wait and suspense, but Sincerely Not kinda cured that and has made me more patient and open-minded as a person. I’ve never really interacted with an author so frequently on Tumblr as well, so I guess that’s a lot of firsts for me, as far as SN and your blog goes. You are a revelation and don’t ever let anyone/anything make you feel less than that.

Now coming to the chapter and the overall story. I WAS JUMPING UP AND DOWN MY BED, whisper-screaming when you revealed the wedding was Toji x y/n’s. I looked like a fucking mad woman here and I’m not even mad about it. MRS.ZENIN ERA, HERE WE COME. Long deserved. Legend has it, if one (Y/N) has been miserable enough for months, thou shalt be rewarded with divine Toji d**k. I know it’s not going to happen that easily (especially with those plot twists you’ve thrown in there) but we are here for the ride (pardon the pun, just a thirsty hoe here). Megumi as an older brother melts my heart. I can’t wait for a slice of some domestic and (hopefully) drama-free Zenin estate life.

Coming to the Satoru part, I can’t even imagine how painful it would have been for Y/n to raise a carbon copy of his dada. Like dayum, Saint you really have it out for our girl here xD. And ofc Gojo got into a bloody accident, hell o would be reeling too if I just found out I’ve been mourning a death of a child whose be secretly alive for 3 YEARS. It must be painful to see your rival get the woman of your dreams and your biological child in his arms. The angst in this chapter is more on the interpretation end and I LOVE IT. I’m figuring this is where the whole memory loss thingy you’ve mentioned earlier is going to come into effect. Can’t wait to see that arc. Holy shit, I just realized we’re gonna get some version of a bandaged Gojo. That man has really gone through it but I’m so glad you gave him a therapist. Poor thing needs it now more than ever. Oh dear, I sure hope Y/N is faring well now, she does have PTSD right? I hope she’s getting therapy as well.

The most poignant part to me was the return of the rings, cuz I’ve noticed it’s part of your SN header (with the papers and all). It’s been so symbolic throughout the series. Like as if it was some emblem of love and commitment. Was it intentional or just amazing story-telling? Please let us know later. I hope you’ll take a nice long and well-earned rest since you’ve finally finished SN (*you’re free!* in a Dobby voice) and you take out the time to treat yourself well, indulge in a few pastimes you were previously unable to participate in and above all feel as amazing as you make us readers feel. I’ve probably already said this before, but I do sincerely hope that you’re getting as much as joy and fulfillment as you give the readers of your work. You truly deserve it Saint. Cheers! Until next time, then. ♥️

Anonymous said

I'm literally crying but I just wanted to tell you that I really loved this story and that you're an amazing writer, it was all so bittersweet yet so beautiful, I wish you all the best and remember to always take care of yourself! (I hope there are no mistakes lol I can't see through tears)

Anonymous said

UGH I LOVE YOU I LOVE THIS ENDING SO MUCH the depth of the characters was BEAUTIFUL your talent is absolutely out of this world my GOD.

i have to say, i’m very glad they didn’t end up together. i think gojo got what he deserved, it was too little too late, and i hope yn finds happiness in toji (endgame fr 😮‍💨).

personal opinions aside ofc, gojo’s story is literally devastating but incredibly written. the development is literally BEAUTIFUL (my own prejudice to his actions overshadows everything i’m so sorry saint 😭 but i still acknowledge his pain and love his excellently written development).

so happy to see this devastating story end so beautifully. the ending you wrote came full circle and i for one am incredibly happy with it (megumi being a big brother 🥺🥺🥺).

so proud of you for working through so much throughout this entire writing process, don’t pressure yourself for the sequel and take as many breaks as you need. much love 💕

Anonymous said

Congrats on finishing sn!👏👏👏👏

All these chapters, the words. What a feat! And you're still going strong with a sequel! You work so hard😭 take a long and deserved break and come back whenever you feel like it.

Anonymous said

saint, thank you for sincerely not.

it will go down as possibly my favourite fanfic of all time.

thanks for putting your time and energy into making the story and i’m so glad you’re gonna continue writing on this platform.

you’re too good at writing. really. it’s unmatched.

i used to have problems with writing angst and ever since i discovered your account, angst is somehow all that i’ve been writing. so thanks for that too:)

congratulations on finishing the series, i cant wait for SN2 and i’m so proud of you

(also if gojohime actually happens in SN2 i will lose my mind)

Anonymous said

First of all

Saint. Thank you SO MUCH for making my nights so special waiting for an update and reading this masterpiece. Because of you and your work I met new people in your discord server and I learnt better grammar and new words which helped me getting my English certificate so again a huge thanks for all of this.

Your talent in writing is sooo good, I hope one day you decide to write a book cause I will definitely read it… Also if you decide to stop writing fics (of course I will support you in any decisions) and I wanna say that I will miss you and your writing so much..

Sincerely not has made me go through so many emotions like nothing else.. the writing style, the plot, the way you describe characters it’s just amazing…

I have a feeling that SN2 will be more heartbreaking but I’m ready for it haha..

And the Toji x MC (I loved it since I’m a certified Toji simp) but it hurt.

Hope Satoru will be okay and gets to meet his child properly one day my dude suffered enough (can’t believe im saying it omg)

Anyway thank you again Saint for everything you have done to provide us with such a masterpiece, take all the time you need to write SN2 no one is pressuring you and see you in SN2 I guess.

Take care of yourself

@girlruby23 said

Saint i know you said itll be a happy ending and i trust you but what really do you mean by happy ending bcz its a gojo x yn fic and im dying for them to end up together 😭😭

Please saint have mercy 😟😟

And Congratulations on completing the 1st season we saw you go through so much to complete it and trust me you outdid yourself, it was a rollercoaster ride and one of the highlights of my year. Thanks❤️

Anonymous said

can i just day that my bday is gonna be on this sunday so that finale was a great bday gift so thank you cuz u just made my whole week. YOU'RE WRITING IS SO GOOD OMG THAT CHAPTER MADE ME UGLY CRY AND JUST WTF AAAJAHSHHSHEHSHSH I HOPE ALL THE GODS BLESS U FOR UR WORK SAINT ILYSMMM

@asdfghjkl7things said

Omg.. Omg.. Gojo stay with us pleasee 😭 I was reading your latest chapter while I’m at work and I can feel my eyes getting wet.. I just can’t.. 😭😭

Please have a good rest too since you finished SN, you really deserved it! The story is too good that I cannot wait to read SN 2! 🥰🥰🤯

I don’t want to leave a long ass message but Thank you for this story, Saint ❤️❤️

@chicsailorscout said

Amazing finale I’m so shook and tearing up! 😭🤯👏🏾 you’re such an amazing writer! I look forward to the sequel 😎 ❤️

When Y/N dropped the flowers (I’m just thinking aloud here 😅) I betting that she either fainted from anxiety/stress and/or her heart condition came back 🤔 😭

@wobblewobble822 said

Aghhh! As always amazing and very heartbreaking 😩

Crossing fingers that Gojo survives and also (don’t hate me) postpone the wedding with Toji cause we get cold feet after seeing Gojo.

Also yes! Baby Gojo lives! 😩🥰❤️❤️

@sanzudopeamine said

Dear Saint,

Thank you so much for all the hard work that you put in writing Sincerely Not. It had been one hell of a journey reading this beautiful creation of yours. I really enjoyed each and every chapter from start to finish and still looking forward to the sequel. (Though I'm not sure if it's still happening after reading your note on the last chapter).

Anyways, whatever you decide to do, I hope you always keep safe, happy and healthy. ❤️

Anonymous said

Brilliant job as always Saint! While my heart has broken millions of times reading your fics, this one particularly is the first to once get me hooked! I’ve read many good angsty stories from many fandoms, but just how you’ve fluidly shown all the cards of each character and just how human they are (regardless of their mistakes/emotions/etc *not excusing any infidelity/crimes/etc*) and the attention to every scene makes me feel I’m running alongside them in this journey (despite us being the MC). This is one of the first stories I’d be happy with either ending (besides wanting some reconciliation from y/n and Satoru)! Continue your great work (while I wipe my tears) 😀🥰✨✌🏼

@fanficbrainrots said

hi saint! first of all, amazing chapter. the build up, the tension is like... WOW! tbh, i can't describe the emotions i currently feel after reading. i just wanted to address and applaud your magnificent writing first and foremost, since it's something that i've always wanted to say. i've never felt so emotionally captivated by a person's writing until i've stumbled on your page. (hold on i have a pt 2 of this. i didn't know that ask boxes have character limits pls, i'm not tryna spam you)

secondly, MIWA?! i love miwa soo so much. i feel like she represents a lot of us readers who see the good side in gojo. of course, the public and y/n's family will look at him in a different light, since they see gojo through another perspective, but i feel like miwa is the closest person to know both sides of the story (or at least, gojo's character.) (UGH how do people submit longer asks? pls help, it's limiting me again. saint i swear, i'm not trying to spam you. anyways this is pt 2, ig)

someone who witnesses gojo's character growth as a man who did not love his wife to ordering gifts for her and actually see his love grow for y/n over time. i'm not sure if her characterization representing us in a way is intentional, but i'm so glad that she did. again, phenomenal writing saint, you are truly an inspiration for many writers, especially me. (SAINT I'M SORRY, I HAVE ONE MORE POST AFTER THIS. (this is pt 3, i think??) idk, someone pls help me extend my ask limit)

i'm so happy to have had 'sincerely not' coincidentally pop up on the recent 'gojo x reader' tag back in july, because if i haven't read any of your stories, i don't think i would've had the courage to dive into fanfiction writing.i can't wait for the finale of sn and s2! (ok this is embarrassing but i'm done. sorry if it seemed like it was spam, but clearly idk how tumblr works! i just had a lot to say about my appreciation towards you :) )

i can’t thank u guys enough !!! i wish i could respond individually but i don’t wanna spam the dash so i’m compiling them. i sincerely appreciate every feedback/message i received from all of u 🥺 thank u sm for supporting sn and for giving this series a chance to grow like this. it’s a joy for me to see how many people have been/are invested in this fic. i’ll work harder for season 2 <33

#saintobio.asks #series: sincerely not

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captlok · 4 years ago

Text

@sirenalpha Look I’m sorry I got mad. If you don’t hate Aang as a character and actually separate him out from literary criticism then that’s lamentably rare in the fandom.

So let’s do the literary analysis thing.

Here’s the previous discussion, for anyone reading (Tumblr dumped this post twice and having to retype it was UGHHH so I finally gave up and made this separate)

https://captlok.tumblr.com/post/638478816737673216/sirenalpha-herebeatla-sirenalpha-oh-my-god-i

You are assigning the character arc you think Aang should have had, not what was actually presented, on purpose, which was the literary conflict type Man vs. Society.

Aang and Gaang oppose Jet’s revenge-obsessed blindly loyal micro-society.

Aang narrowly avoids being killed by another revenge-obsessed person, Hama.

Aang saves his enemy, Zuko’s, life after being told by Society, in the form of Sokka (and the vast majority of people who would agree with him) to instead let him freeze to death.

All along the way, Katara and Aang are challenged repeatedly by people telling them ‘pragmatism,’ ‘revenge’ or ‘justice’ are the RIGHT ways to go about things. And every time, because that is the story they were telling, they win this Man vs. Society conflict.

Culminating in the finale.

A thematic whole.

So you’re right, let’s step back here and keep addressing what’s amiss with your literary analysis, not simply Aang.

If you have at least elevated yourself above people who hate Aang as a person, then again, that’s good.

Aang is told repeatedly by Society to do other things, too, like Joo Dee. There’s another thread that lists all the examples. Aang is a troublemaker throughout the series in the eyes of Society.

But.

Because viewers go in expecting a ‘rise to the challenge’ ‘prove yourself by fighting’ type story, a la testosterone-fueled action hero conventions, they can’t see it for what it is.

(someone else did a wonderful analysis on this, how Aang is an Eastern styled philosophy protagonist in a Western dominated media pool, which people have a hard time digesting. I replied to it in more detail. This pointed retention of goodness through adversity- rather than being hardened by it and embittered and hating those who are aggressors- is not familiar to a lot of gritty, tough-guy Western conventions, either. This is simply not a character arc a lot of audience in the West is equipped to vibe with upon first inspection. Thus the trend in the fandom to dismiss it and call him ‘weak’ for not toughening up.)

Now onto the chakra issue.

Dude we are shown that meditating puts you in touch with your chakras. It should only take 3 more seconds of thought to conclude that this knowledge was gotten with more meditating.

As the old writing advice goes, “Show, don’t tell.”

That in itself, gaining the knowledge of what was wrong, I had no issues with. It was obvious. It was only the physical injury part that took longer for me to figure out, upon a re-watching and paying attention to the wording.

MIGHT this have benefitted from more ‘hey this GAPING WOUND and scarring is disrupting the body’s natural energy flow’? Meh. I guess.

I bet when that blockage was jarred loose, like they do with deep tissue massage, it hurt like the dickens. Acupuncture can also be painful even aside from the needles. Heat from skin and itchy, burning discomfort are reported.

Didn’t come across as unique?

A master healer, Katara, spent weeks on end working on him without his waking up.

‘Show, don’t tell.’

Besides, HE DIED. You can’t get much more ‘unique’ than DEAD.

“but they decided to adapt footloose instead.”

Wow. That’s what you got out of that episode? The purpose of that episode, along with other hints we got throughout Season 3, is that the Fire Nation is oppressive even to its own people. It feeds very small children propaganda to make them blindly loyal to a violent ruler (the puppet show we see Ozai in at one point).

I remember seeing a chilling example of this brainwashing in the real world where four year olds had AK-47s strapped to their backs while calmly watching others aim and miming of violence with adults.

All expressions of divergent thinking, like our boy “Kuzon” who stood up to a teacher repeating propaganda about the deceased Air Nomads, are quickly silenced.

[Sidebar: It also demonstrated that many martial arts styles are interwoven or derived from dance.]

[Which, yes, they should have said that outright, but, can’t be perfect. The fans slobbering over how Zuko looks like he’s breakdancing while doing Northern Shaolin leg sweeps will have to do, I guess. XD XD]

Anyway, I didn’t see anyone in Footloose asserting that actually the Jews had an army and they were threatening.

But if there’s a scene of systematically approved Holocaust denial that I missed, please point me to it.

Now, did the Kataang hog up the spotlight from the worldbuilding? Yeah, and that annoys me. But people would complaining that it wasn’t demonstrated she was attracted to him even more than they already do when they mentally block out this episode and the looks she gave him.

“Show, don’t tell.”

Oh and reciprocating his kiss on the day of the invasion, but again, let’s get back to the worldbuilding and literary analysis. For The Headband, if focusing on romance over other more interesting potential elements were a literary sin, then whole seasons and whole series (and books!) would be on the chopping block.

To then claim that one episode cannot be spent on romance, that’s just short-sighted, in the eyes of literature.

If you want to discuss the whole of Season 3 pacing, episode by episode, then please start a different thread. (I may or may not comment. Feel free to tag me.) I’ve said my piece on the central pacifist conflict of the series.

#avatar the last airbender #atla #aang #anti aang #atla meta #tw genocide #genocide #pacifism #buddhism #spirituality #aang defense squad #kataang #atla character analysis #CAPTLOK Commentary

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tloujm · 4 years ago

Text

Part VIII: Heady

Author’s Notes: This takes place directly after the end of the previous chapter, timeline wise. As mentioned below, this is gonna be smut in the form of makeup sex. I wanted to do something different and make it more realistic? Not all sexual experiences are perfect, even in fiction, no matter how hard we try for it to be. I know fanfic is where we go to live our fantasies, but sometimes when I read fanfic, it feels too unrealistic. Like, the plot is too perfect. I want an off canon AU but at the same time, I still want some type of conflict or drama. That being said, I am going to reiterate that I am not an expert at writing smut. I still tried to give it a happy ending, but I didn’t want all of my smut scenes to seem cookie cutter or copy and paste.

Genre: Smut with a smidge of angst

Summary: You and Joel reunite...sexually ( I know, I’m corny but its a reference to Wendell from a Key and Peele skit)

Ship: Joel x Reader

Joel’s beard brushed up against your chest when his lips left yours to give attention to your neck. It allowed you a moment to catch up. With the oxygen reaching your brain again, you began to register your surroundings. You’d become hyper aware of the fact that Joel was attacking your skin like a ravished being. He missed me that much, huh, you thought. You felt his hands slide from your waist to your hips before he gently pushed you backwards. You followed his lead until your ass was pressed up against a wall. You were exactly where he wanted you. His fingers bore into your clothed skin before he slid them back up to your waist. For a moment, he detached himself from your neck and gazed down at you. With a grunt, Joel lifted you up. Feeling your feet float off the ground caught you off guard, but not for long as your legs instinctively wrapped themselves around his waist. It was as if they had a mind of their own. No one had ever picked you up before. It was thrilling and nerve wracking at the same time. You were afraid of falling, but between being propped up against the wall and Joel’s hands on your ass, that wasn’t an option. As soon as you were secure, he kissed you again and there it went. The clarity was gone and your brain was once again caught in a haze. Joel wanted all of you and he wanted it all with you. After a while of making out, he realized that there was only so much he could do to you while clothed.

It’d been so long since the last time he was with you or anyone else for that matter. He had no desire to take up with someone else. He couldn’t move on from you. He thought about it, though. Whenever he would especially miss you and his own hands weren’t enough, he thought about finding somebody to be with just for the night. At one point, he thought that was the only way to get over you. Those ideas were quickly dismissed, however, for many reasons. Knowing that you were so close yet so far from his reach every single day was excruciating. He saw it as his punishment; he knew he deserved it. Part of him even thought that he didn’t deserve this moment right here with you. His body was convincing him otherwise, however. When you hugged him, it left him reeling. It damn near unraveled him right then and there. He needed you; there was no other way to put it.

Joel whispered that it was time to go upstairs. All you could do was nod in agreement. You loosened your legs and he gently let you down. Almost immediately, though, Joel slung you over his shoulder. Your ass was right next to his face and he gave it a playful slap before moving toward the stairs. You let out a squeal. He couldn’t see it, but a big ol’ grin was plastered on your face. Part of you was concerned about his back and shoulder, but he didn’t give any indication that he was in pain while trying to show out for you. You let yourself enjoy the ride until he threw you onto the bed. You giggled at the thrill of it all. For a moment, you let yourself take in the room of which you were in. It hadn’t changed a bit since the last time you slept in it. You missed it.

You crawled to the edge of the bed and got up on your knees. Joel walked up to you as you lifted your shirt over your head. The way your breasts filled your bra was enticing to him. They were practically spilling out and he wanted nothing more than to release them. You felt his rough hand cup your face as he guided it up to meet his. The other hand snaked its way behind you to unclasp the bra. You felt the release and in one fell swoop, he placed his finger between your breasts and pulled the fabric down your arms. You pulled back to focus on his pants. You noticed the stiffness beneath his jeans and it was just sitting there tempting you. Joel let your fingers fumble around his fly because he was preoccupied with your breasts. They were single handedly his favorite body part on you. He was very appreciative of the rest of you, but it was when he got to be intimate with you did he allow himself to pick a favorite. It was something you were initially self conscious of because of stretch marks but he didn’t even mention them. He watched as they bounced and jiggled as your arms moved around his waist. Joel was brought out of his daze when he felt the air hit his freshly exposed skin. With his fly down, you ran your hands over his ass, bringing his pants down with them. You pushed them all the way down to his knees before looking back up to him. His eyes were already locked on yours. He continued to step out of his jeans before he approached you again. “You can touch me.” You finally said. His eyes flickered from yours down to your dark nipples, then back up to you. He quickly threw his t-shirt off and took one in each hand and began to knead them. His hands were rough and eager. That was the first time you’d seen him completely naked since last year. You reached up and cupped his face with both hands before bringing his lips between yours. “Joel” You breathed between kisses.

Joel was ready to be inside you, but he knew that there was more fun to be had first. He made a low grunt and gestured with his head for you to move back onto the bed. “Go on, now.” With every inch you moved backwards, he moved to meet you as he crawled on the bed. You let your bare back hit the covers. He aggressively pulled your pants down your legs followed by your panties. He hovered over you, arms on either side of your body. Your fingers snaked up his torso. Slowly, he lowered himself down and licked the skin between your breasts before taking one completely in his mouth. You let out a breathy moan when he flicked your nipple with his tongue. He moved from that one and you watched as he wrapped his mouth around the other nipple. The cold air fed into the sensation and left the exposed one erect. He played with it between his fingers. He began to grind against your middle, causing a sensual friction. Instinctively, your back arched into his rhythm. Finally releasing your nipples, he gazed down at you with wet lips and lustful eyes. He attacked your neck again for a few moments before going back for your lips. As he did, he took your wrists in his hands and brought them up over your head, never ceasing to grind over your folds. He wanted to tease you, but all he did was tease himself. Being so close to your entrance was too much to bear. His goal was to make you melt into a puddle, though, and for that, he was determined.

“Joel?” You called his name sweetly.

“Hmm” He hummed.

“Just fuck me already.” You missed him but then you missed him. He let out a chuckle that left you more attracted to him than you were a second ago.

“Patience, darlin’.” He was still on the ‘make love’ level, but you were well past that and you just wanted to fuck. He compromised by sliding his fingers down your folds instead. He rubbed and pinched your clit for a few moments before sliding two fingers inside you.

“Joel, you know that’s not what I meant,” You began. He hooked his fingers and flicked at your core before pumping them in and out. Your middle arched up into his fingers as you let out a long moan. “But this...this will work.” Your thighs naturally squeezed against his hand. “God, this feels good. Don’t stop. Not yet.” He watched the way your face squirmed under his touch and it aroused him further.

“Eyes up here, baby girl.” Joel demanded; his voice somehow deeper.

He felt your walls begin to pulsate around his fingers. He took that as his cue to enter you completely. It took everything he had to only ease in, especially since your insides contracted with each growing inch. You let out a couple of expletives as your walls expanded to accommodate him. Joel was only in you for a moment and was ready to cum. Sweat began to fall down his face as he focused on lasting.

Joel sucked in a breath before letting out a deep moan. “Ughhh…(Y/N).” His voice cracked. “You’re so…” There were so many things he wanted to say. You were everything to him. “Warm and wet and…” Your walls clenched against his member as he slowly pulled back out. “Tight.”

“Please.” You begged.

“Please what?” He flashed a lustful glare at you.

“Please fuck me.” Your face, voice, words. They were all ingredients to unlock his primal side. All you had to do was say the word. Hands gripping your hips, Joel slid out all the way and flipped you over. He got up on his knees and pulled your ass up to follow him. Your face was planted against the bed. Missing your warmth, Joel slid right back into you. He could feel himself bottoming out as he went deeper inside.

“That feel good?” He asked. You nodded profusely.

“Fuck!” You shouted.

At this point, he was pounding into you. “I’ve got you, (Y/N).” He said that but it was him that was more erratic than you. His rhythm was uneven and he could feel himself unraveling. There was no turning back now.

You felt him twitch inside you. The sensation built you up, but it wasn’t enough. You were close to peaking, but you needed him just a little bit longer. You were just about to guide his hand back to your clit when you felt it. He spilled inside you. It was unexpected in more ways than one. Joel prided himself on holding out until you came first. On one hand, you were kind of disappointed at how quick the make up sex was, but on the other, he had never cum in you before. The two of you always practiced safe sex by Joel pulling out and releasing on your stomach or thighs. It wasn’t the best contraceptive, but having sex with a rubber after knowing what it felt like without it was a disappointing thought. He was always so careful. Not one time up until now did he ever stay inside you. You weren’t even thinking about getting knocked up, though. What was on your mind was the new sensation practically made you overflow on it's own. You reached your own hand down to your clit again to help reach your peak. It was a different yet familiar feeling. You didn’t cum the way you were used to, but you still orgasmed; that you knew. It was heady and tingly and you felt it up and down your body. You stayed there in the arched position as he let himself rest on your back for a moment. Joel was still inside you. He had no desire to leave; It was too warm, too comfortable. After he came, he thought it was over, but you continued to contract around his throbbing member as if you were milking out every ounce he had in him. Having not experienced anything like that, he allowed himself to get high off the daze you caused him. Back aching, you released the arch and laid your stomach flat on the bed. Joel watched as he slid out of you, a small flow of cum seeping out in the process. To him, you were a vision and the imagery of it all lengthened his high.

Soon, his body collapsed on top of the covers. The cool fabric felt nice against his sweaty body. He was still riding his high when he reached his hand out to you. Just as he moved, you did too. You rolled off the bed and walked out the room to the bathroom. He let out a sound that was meant to be a gentle, longing whimper but it came out like a grunt. You went to go pee to prevent a UTI. You usually didn’t leave the bed immediately afterwards, but you wanted to try your hand at douching. You figured, the sooner, the better. The morning after pill was hard to come by, so you thought rinsing would do something…anything. You were also on the last day of your period. You rarely bled on the last day, but you knew that you weren’t ovulating. Your time spent in the bathroom was based on wishful thinking.

You walked back into the bedroom after a handful of minutes to find Joel sitting up on the bed. He was hunched over, back facing you. Quietly, you crawled onto the bed and over to him. You slid your arms down his chest before resting your chin on his shoulder. The action made him sit up straight. You brought him into a light embrace from behind.

“What’s wrong?” You asked in a whisper.

“I can do better.” He sounded defeated.

“I loved every minute of tonight.” You began. You turned his chin so he could face you. “I wanted you and I still want you.”

“That’s not how I wanted it to go. I wanted to make you feel good---”

“And you did, believe me.” You flash him a coy smile.

“I came inside you.” He confessed.

“I know.” You kissed his shoulder. “Honestly, it was bound to happen. We both knew it was a risk to not use condoms. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see if...um...you know...something happens.” You paused to think of a way to lighten the mood. “You inside me though? It felt...amazing.” His features softened, but he didn’t smile.

“I want to try again. It’ll be better.” He promised you, determined to last longer next time.

“It doesn’t matter who cums first as long as we both feel good in the end, and you always manage to make me feel better than just good.” You make sure he’s looking at you again. “All I want is to share all of myself with you and I want you to do the same with me. That’s all that matters.” You tried to convince him. He acknowledged your words with a nod, but remained silent. “We can try again whenever you want.” You entangled your fingers into his.

“Alright if we try again tomorrow? I don’t think I can stay awake for another round.” He continued to sound defeated.

“Of course. You had a long day. It was only about 12 hours ago that you almost died.” You playfully responded. He finally chuckled.

You laid back down onto the bed, guiding Joel down with you. He maneuvered so the blanket could cover both of your bodies. Gently, you pulled his head down onto your chest; his ear between your breasts. Your legs spread open to accommodate his body. Your fingers soothingly raked through his hair while your other hand left light scratches on his back. He hummed in appreciation. The amount of ease and trust he felt with you was almost scary, but there was no one else he’d rather give himself to. It didn’t take long for him to fall into a deep sleep.

#TLOU #TLOU 2 #The Last of Us #The Last of Us 2 #Joel Miller #tlou joel miller #tlou joel #joel fanfiction #joel tlou fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x reader #video games #naughty dog

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border-spam · 4 years ago

Text

Leech Lord - The writing’s on the wall

Here we go, folks. Heavy time. Big one.

Tonight was just them, happy in the afterglow of laughter and far too much to drink. That calm quiet that falls with trusted company you can be at ease around. It was nice.

She'd assumed he felt the same way from the barely audible whistle of his breathing to her right. Figured that he was relaxing too, enjoying the dull heat of wine numbing his joints and their usual simmering pain. It was good, it felt right, until the peace was interrupted by the clink of his glass as he shifted, and the hoarse, strained whisper of -

" You're gonna leave one day, I know you will. I'll chase you away. You'll get sick of having to deal with me just l-like everyone does."

The groggy cloud behind her eyes dissipated instantly as his threat landed like ice-water, and she clumsily sat forward, wineglass dangling from her loose hand as she stared at him in confused disgust.

" What?... What are you talking about.”

“ Don't put that shit on me, Troy. Don't... don't even fucking dare try to drip feed that self hating poison into who I am. God, what is wrong with you? "

He didn't meet her eyes, still staring at the glass in his hands as he hunched in his seat, like he was about to crumble into himself. Looking somehow so much older and so much younger than she knew he was - like a child carrying the weight of the world. He mouthed something, then stopped. Started again, paused again. Reconsidering what he'd been about to say as his brows furrowed and lips tightened into a grimace.

Chasing what he wanted to express to her, grasping at it futilely, trying to find the right words and stumbling. Same self made snare as usual, tightening around his neck. The same trap he always set for himself, triggering as he stepped blindly towards it.

He sunk a little lower into himself as he wilted under her disgust, hair falling forward and blocking the shame burning across his face.

" I... I'm sorry, Sei. "

By @godkingsanointed

???: She just drives me fuckin crazy man! She just- UGHH

??: She's like fire.

???: Yeah, a hot headed little-

??: NO. Can keep you warm, safe, give light to see by. But if you don't treat it with respect, it you think that's all it's for, try to contain it, you'll be burned.

???: I don't think that's all... I-I respect her!!!! I can't believe you're taking her side in this!"

??: No sides. Just something to think about.

???: Ughhh, screw this!

(Sounds of a door slamming shut)

(A few moments of silence)

??: I know...He's gunna burn her out. All of us.

(Ding of a voice message being received)

???: Thanks. For listening.

??: Ha..we got him thinking.

By @hieroglyphix

S: Wh- Ven?! what the fuck are you- how the fuck did you get in here?

V: Aw c'mon Sei, is that any way to treat a guest? I get that you're a bigshot s-saint and all but c'mon--

S: Last time I checked, people who break into other people's houses are considered burglars, not guests- and get your fuckin' feet off my desk!

V: Hey now, just cause I broke in doesn't mean I stole anything. Im more of a buddy, paying you an....impromptu visit! Yeah!

S: ( sigh ) God, forget the semantics of it all, what the hell do you want?

V: It ain't about what I want, I came here 'cause of what you want.

S: ...Pardon? Oh God, tell me this isn't some kind of-

V: Waitwaitwait it ain't like that, S-Sei, you know i don't run that way anyhow. I came because you need a s-sign.

S: ...A sign.

V: Yeah, a sign. s-see, I know what you're planning on doing, I've seen it all laid out in the path ahead of us. But you're draggin' your feet too damn long, and it's only gonna get worse from here. so Sei, listen to me, I'm your sign. Get the fuck out of here, and don't look back for nothin'.

( silence )

S: So, let me get this straight. You broke into my house, just to....tell me to leave?

V: Well when you put it like that it doesn't sound super great, but...yeah.

( silence )

S: Who else knows about this?

V: Only me, and I ain't about to rat on you. I don't blame you for wanting out, things....well, between you me and the floorboards, things ain't gonna get any better around here.

S: ( deep sigh ) Good God...

V: Look doll, I ain't here to force you into a decision, and I won't judge you for not leaving. I'm just tellin' you which way the wind's blowing. One friend to another.

S: Right.

( uncomfortable silence )

V: Well, you think on what I said. I've gotta get home to my brother, it's spaghetti night.

S: Try not to let anyone see you on your way out, the last thing i need is more brainless gossip out on my hangar.

V: Heh. Not like they caught me on the way in, not exactly the sharpest tools out there. Anyway, nighty night Sei.

( the maglock doors hiss open )

S: And Ven?

V: Yeah?

S: ...Thanks.

V: Don't mention it.

[end echo log]

I’m just a bit shook up…” her voice cracks as she mutters. “He said some stupid shit tonight, bout how everyone leaves him and he knows it’s..” she sighs, letting her head drop to face the table with a weak shrug.

“Stupid as in.. it got to me. He ever say anything to you that’s just.. you know it’s off? I sometimes think it’s me..”

JK waited patiently, wanting to reach out and rest a hand on her shoulder but not quite knowing if that would overstep their tentative friendship as it formed.

“…that I’m going crazy and feeling things that aren’t real, overreacting…” she pauses, swiping her auburn hair back from her forehead, thumbing at her temple as she lets her eyes stare unfocused at the wall behind their shoulder.

JK grunts thoughtfully, then shakes their head a little, their mask tilting downwards as they rumble out a huff of air. “He’s… talking a lot more recently, yeah, bout things no one asked.”

They empty the bottle in a deep dreg, and lower it carefully to the table in front of them, spinning it slowly on its edge. “Like he’s replyin’ to a question that was never said, and he’s pissed about it. Gets snappy at nothin’. Gets angry at nothin’. I don’t say things, I just listen. He likes when you just listen, I think you know that too.”

She nods, watery eyes looking up at them through her thick eyelashes.

“It’s just, the thing’s he’s saying now, this last year?” JK glances to their side again, towards where Troy sleeps.

They turn back to Seifa and reach out then, touching a finger against her forearm as it rests against the table, happy to see she doesn’t flinch away even though she’s hurt too. Proud that though she’s struggling to hold back tears that swell along her lash-line, she’s still listening to them. Really listening, like what JK thinks matters.

“It’s the same kind of things axe-hands I knew in the clan would start to say before they’d go wrong. Harsh things to themselves, about themselves, about how others were seeing ‘em. I don’t like that kind of talk much either, I’ve seen where it goes. People start doing that and they aren’t themselves for much longer. Become the same thing they were worryin’ everyone already saw them as.”

They turn the bottle to its side, idly twirling it with their index finger, only the hollow grind of the glass on the table filling the silence.

“I’ve seen him goin’ the same way. Same way they did, and I don’t know how to stop it, I’m not good with..” they gesture at the bone-white mask still marked with that crumbling splash of old rust-red blood, pausing to collect their thoughts. “..Not good with talking the way it would help. Saw him hurt acolytes the last few months. He used to just grab, threaten…”.

Their leg bounces beneath the table, nerves firing haphazardly as they swallow down the frustration lodged between their teeth. “Now he grinds. Cracks their bones in that metal fist. Not enjoyin’ it, not laughin’, but doin’ it anyway. He smells like bitter antiseptic sometimes, and I think he’s takin’ things out on himself where he figures we won’t know, under the steel.”

“I don’t think he is well. Inside him. None of us are here, lady. We’re all broken a little, but we learn how to live with it. It’s that or die. He doesn’t know how to do it. We gotta…”

“… we gotta watch out for our brother”.

By @godkingsanointed

He'd dare let venom drip about Seifa around them, and Troy knew from the palpable atmosphere change that it wasn't going to be swept under the rug. He would have crumbled, he would have backtracked into sickening apologies, but after the grilling Tyreen had already given him? How helpless and powerless he already felt, child was the straw that broke him.

He span on his heels to face them, spinal implants flaring and eyes all cruel angles and rage. It only took one or two stalking steps for them to be at odds face to face, not that he was sure what he'd do when he got there.

"The fuck was that pal?" He seethed, letting jaw plates click and flicker. They didn't seem intimidated, too full of fury to even care.

"Ungrateful. Fucking. CHILD. She made you, made both of you. Without her, you'd be skag shit right now." They paused to look him up and down before continuing. "Instead of a shit eating skag."

His reaction was instant, flesh hand snapping forward to grab at the decorative chains around their neck he'd gifted them, pulling them close. "You fuckin-" he choked, mind clouded on what to do. He wanted to smash them to bits, he wanted to pull their fucking head off, but he had enough control yet to hesitate.

"If you wanna spar big man, let's go. You know the rules." They spat. They'd set out a few of them a couple of months back, not really thinking it would come to it, more so sharing a part of clan life so he felt included. Clan members could fight out frustrations, as long as it didn't go so far as to lose a body for raids or hunting. No using the prosthetic, no hitting Troys left side, no weapons. That was what they settled on, and now staring him down? They didn't like the idea of fighting him, of fighting any family. Never had. But if he refused to talk and instead was intent to act like this? They could find some satisfaction in landing a hit or two.

Mention of that past conversation seemed to snap him out of it, hitting home just how far JK was willing to take this. They didn't care about title or siren status, as far as they where concerned this was a family matter. And as far gone as he was, Troy had no intention of full on brawling with family. He pushed them away as he let go, face burning in shame and frustration as he backed down.

"Not worth my fucking time..." he mumbled, storming away and letting a metal fist impact a wall as he went,one final show of force.

They stayed put after he was gone, head tilted back and taking deep breaths as they steadied themself. Seifa...didn't need to know about this. She hardly needed defending and she'd scold them for almost coming to blows over a few nasty words but...They couldn't have just bitten their tongue either.

Ven - "I mean boss, have you considered ever actually thinking about what you want?"

Troy - "..." Troy - "...Everything. All the time. I want e-everything. Everything. Everything I see, all the time. The way you love Eli, and the way he smiles at you and it's real 'cause he knows how to love, I want that."

Troy - "...I want it, and how Sei puts her arms around all of you and never me but she looks at me and I feel s-something but I don’t know how to say it in words, I want that."

Troy - "...I want Jak-Knife and the way their mask a-and their face - both of them are beautiful and better than anything I can pretend I see in a mirror and I want everything all the time, Ven, and I don't even know if it's me that's actually wanting."

Ven - "Right..." Ven - "...Ok bud, so first of all, I'm going to get us some drinks..."

By @godkingsanointed

-- Uroboros log - M0noli7h / S0litar3 prsnl e-dev com msg log //Private Line - SAVED- blame=GKT -- Machina: So Adalphus is where you’re saying is the best bet. Aurum: Simple logic. Close enough to Pandora for you to still perform your role, far enough from.. well. What you need to be far from. Machina: Feels apt somehow, ending up wasting away on some off-world base. Never did belong here, huh. Aurum: A feeling I understand better than I’d like. Regardless of our personal opinions you’ve been one of the few colleagues I’d describe as competent, A’Rosk. It’s a reassurance to know you aren’t abandoning your position. Machina: Mutual on that, Sol. Staying on isn’t by choice though. I’m sure you know that too. You remember Fragor. Aurum: I remember what was left of her absolutely ruining a pair of Ausler dress shoes, yes. You’re going to be hounded. You know that. Machina: I know that, I’m just praying it will be gently. The Crusaders are under Troy, and Troy.. Machina: I Machina: I trust Troy

Aurum: That’s your prerogative, regardless of how stupid. Machina: Thanks, you nasty shit. So you’ll manage the fund movements once I’m out, keep the flow going to the accounts I gave you? Aurum: Yes, yes. Not exactly work deserving of my touch, mind you. Junkers leave residue. I prefer to keep my hands clean, Seifa. I’m sure you appreciate that, considering this deal. Machina: Ohhhh absolutely. You scratch my back, I’ll stab yours. Aurum: Cute. I’ll manage your assets this side, and my little history with those slag shipments to Elpis will remain off your people’s raidar. Machina: That they will. Solomon, much as it pains me to say this, it has been a pleasure. Thank you. For.. for everything. Aurum: Not needed, Seifa. It’s just good business. [end log]

#borderlands #borderlands 3 #bl3 #troy calypso #tyreen calypso #calypso twins #leech lord #seifa #ven #jak-knife #my writing #my hcs

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