#and that is paraphrasing from neil

[my-dear-ceramic-frogs]

I’m back! I was avoiding tumblr till i finished GO2.

Thank you Neil et al for helping me learn patience, lol. Lots of patience…

😳😳😳☹️😣💕😖💕

[good--merits-accumulated]

what do we think about the dead poets and ambition? 🤔

[v0idwraith]

This is the only thing I’m going to say on the matter of Neil Gaiman for now:

The accusations against him are awful. If they are true, I wish the victims nothing but the best. I am not going to speculate about whether or not they’re true, because that would be incredibly disrespectful. What I am going to do is wait until we have more information before saying anything definitive. Because from my understanding (and correct me if i’m wrong,) this information is coming from a single true crime podcast that almost no one has actually listened to in full, and that does not seem like an incredibly reliable source of information. I am not defending Neil in any way here, but I do think it’s important to always take the time to gather information from multiple sources, *especially* with something as serious as this.

Also, if you’re one of the people going “oh no what does this mean for Good Omens season 3??” Literally shut the fuck up, put your phone down, and go outside. That is not even remotely important right now and it’s an incredibly insensitive and tone-deaf thing to say.

EDIT 8/2/24 (Because Tumblr decided this should be the top post on my page.) There are now several people who have listened to the podcasts in full and publicly posted all the info from them. I’d encourage everyone to read at least one of those posts (preferably more than one, everyone is biased in one way or another) and make up your mind from there, not from the hundreds of posts paraphrasing and doing the whole “well I heard from this person who heard from this person who heard from this person” thing. Also, while I haven’t looked into this much myself, I’ve heard other people are coming forward with accusations against him.

[ailichi]

[Interviewer]: Which Oasis member has the strangest taste in music?

[Noel, immediately]: Him

I've been fascinated by this question for ages: every major interview, ask Liam Gallagher what music he likes, and he'll just say the Beatles and the Stone Roses, those two, and do his best to give the impression that he basically only listens to them. but in quieter interviews or when he’s just talking on camera, he’ll talk about others as well, and I've been taking some notes:

the Beatles are genuinely the be-all and end-all; understandable

[edit to add]: I don’t know what his favourite Beatles album is but it might be Revolver. when they were asked to choose between the two, Noel said the Red album and Liam said the Blue album. also, it was his suggestion that Oasis cover Within You Without You when the BBC gave them the choice of anything off of Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

the Stone Roses favourite tracks: Love Spreads, I Am the Resurrection, Sally Cinnamon (etc.) — also was into The Seahorses after the SR split

favourite post-Beatles album isn't anything of Lennon's, apparently, it's All Things Must Pass

favourite John solo song is off Double Fantasy, of course: Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)

obviously does like the Rolling Stones too: I believe that when Oasis covered Jumpin’ Jack Flash it was because it was Liam’s total favourite

has named Quadrophenia by the Who as his favourite ever album

likes As Tears Go By by Marianne Faithful. sidenote: Marianne Faithful was Noel’s first pin-up

really likes Bo Diddley (disparate sources for this, he just mentions him frequently)

loved the Specials, even before he joined a band

loves that song, The First Cut is the Deepest, by P.P. Arnold

Led Zeppelin, obviously — mentioned When the Levee Breaks (also notice that one of his favourite Stone Roses songs is Love Spreads which is quite heavily influenced by LZ)

likes the Shangri-Las (The Leader of the Pack is on his women of rock n roll playlist)

likes the Doors, his favourite track is Mr. Mojo Risin’

loves the Kinks, especially really likes The Kinks Are The Village Green Preservation Society, said it was “like a Lowry painting” (<3)

it’s like a dream to me that I heard he doesn’t rate Neil Young or at least was put out that Noel performed with NY + Crazy Horse in London

likes Lou Reed solo? never heard him say something about the Velvet Underground, but mentioned Perfect Day in particular

favourite Pink Floyd is Shine On You Crazy Diamond (loveable choice <3)

bit of Siouxie Sioux on his playlist of his favourite female artists :)

the Cure: “the cure for what?”

favourite album by the Jam is Sound Affects.

seems on the surface to not be mad about Paul Weller's solo stuff (or at least teases Noel for being so friendly with him), but also said: “There’s only a few songwriters that really inspire me. People like John Lennon and Paul Weller.”

chose Many Rivers to Cross by Jimmy Cliff from Jools Holland's archive when he was on in 2022

used not like Primal Scream in the very early days, but enjoyed Screamadelica (I like that he changes his mind on bands if they bring out something new that interests him)

generally lets on to be easy about the Smiths but just isn’t a superfan … likes them doesn’t love them

favourite Smiths song is The Boy with a Thorn in his Side (ah Liam <3)

on the record as saying he both likes and dislikes both Morrissey and Johnny Marr as solo artists

mentioned Electronic quite warmly (this was in 1994)

loves that Vaselines song that Nirvana covered, Jesus Don't Want Me For a Sunbeam

loves everything Richard Ashcroft has done, and seems to prefer the softer songs - a Song for the Lovers, Break the Night with Colour …

had the fairest U2 take I’ve ever heard, to paraphrase: “they’re pretty good but they were the biggest thing in the universe there for a few years, and to merit that they really should’ve been just a little bit better” (2019)

the Strokes: Liam says Noel and himself saw them, together, in San Francisco, when they were just starting out (‘setting up their own equipment��). probably the 7th of August 2001. I don’t get the impression he was overly taken with them. “Good songs but not classics”.

[coochiequeens]

There's something satisfying about when an abusive man is called out by other men. Or at least one man.

Rest In Infamy, You Haunted Castle

Why I believe the Neil Gaiman accusations

By GRAHAM LINEHAN JUL 19, 2024

I only met Neil Gaiman once, at an upscale dinner party where Derren Brown had been hired to do magic tricks like in the old-timey days. Between astonishments, Gaiman and I withdrew to a quiet corner where I pretended to be pleased that he was giving me a signed copy of ‘Sandman’. One of the unexpected advantages of being cancelled is telling people who took part in my harassment what I really think about their work, but this was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, so I said the right things and we went back to being bamboozled by Brown’s invisible craft.

To give credit where it’s due, I later read Gaiman’s ‘Coraline’ to my kids which had them simultaneously terrified and hooked, and thanked him for it. Whatever my feelings about his earlier work, he was a real writer, practising his own invisible craft. From the evidence of that book, I thought he was probably a decent person too, an impression that continued until 2022, when we started to get into it over The Issue.

I may have asked why he wasn’t speaking out on behalf of JK Rowling, who was undergoing one of her regular cancellations for refusing to pander to the spoilt brats who loved her books but missed their meaning. A big name like his might have shifted the conversation and given her some much-needed support. He might perhaps have persuaded some of his fans to give the matter another look. This was when I assumed people like him acknowledged biological reality but worried about ‘coming out of the closet’, as it were. It took me years to realise that almost every celebrity mate of mine believed, or was pretending to believe, in the fashionable, American mind-cancer of ’gender’.

But back then, I was still astonished to find that he was a carrier of the virus, the mass delusion that by sheer coincidence, turned up after the arrival of the Internet. Whether it was Bill Bailey or Neil Hannon, Robin Ince or Matt Lucas, Arthur Mathews or Jimmy Mulville, it was always the same story. A sudden cloud of amnesia would form around my celebrity mates, a real peasouper, from which they suddenly could not see why we need female-only spaces, or why unhappy teenage girls will not find a miraculous cure for their woes in a double mastectomy. Far from sharing any of my urgency in the need to stop children from being irreversibly harmed in gender clinics, they instead downplayed, deflected and dismissed. “I never ask you to join in with my animal activism” grumbled Neil Hannon on one of the occasions I begged for his support.

“Couldn’t you pretend women and children are animals?” I thought.

My usual trajectory during these conversations saw me shifting from gobsmacked disbelief to fury and despair. The disloyalty made me angry, but knowing my friends did not care about their own daughters, wives, sisters and mothers was, and continues to be, destabilising in the extreme.

Gaiman went one step further. I can’t find the tweet, so I may be paraphrasing, but he said

"I hope you're kinder if your daughter ever hopes to transition."

I can think of no uglier thing to say to a parent. For girls, ‘transition’ means double mastectomies in their teens, hysterectomies in their mid-twenties, early menopause and a four times greater chance of having a heart attack than males of the same age. To have this decaying goth wish that horror on my daughter was more than I could bear. I wanted to rip his throat out.

Like a pair of grappling cowboys falling off a rooftop, our fight spilled into email. I sent Gaiman this article about the Tavistock. It was clear when he wrote back that he hadn’t absorbed it Like most celebrities in this fight, he appeared to have lost the ability to read.

“As I said before Graham, I hope that you'd be kinder if it was one of your kids who wanted to transition. “

He actually said it again. The piece was right there, detailing exactly what was happening to the children unlucky enough to wander through the Tavistock’s doors, and he chose to repeat that disgusting thing. Why?

That same year, just months before Gaiman was advising me on the value of kindness, a 22-year-old woman (‘Scarlett’ in the podcast) arrived at his Waiheke Island home in New Zealand for a babysitting job. Upon her arrival, she discovered that Gaiman’s wife of the time, Amanda Palmer, had suddenly remembered a sleepover, an appointment the child was apparently eager to attend.

So she and junior drove out of view, leaving the 23 -year-old Scarlett alone with Gaiman for the night. Within a few hours the 61-year-old man, without warning or invitation, appeared fully naked and slipped into the other end of her bath. Scarlett alleges that over the next three weeks, they embarked on a semi-consensual relationship, where Gaiman routinely ignored the boundaries she set. She alleges that he became angry when she would refuse these demands, used a belt to beat her, insisted she call him ‘Master’ and once sexually assaulted her so violently that she lost consciousness.

“… (the sex) was so painful and so violent that I fainted. I passed out, lost consciousness, ringing in the ears, black vision, the pain was celestial, you know, which is a strange word to use, but I couldn't even describe it in language. And when I regained consciousness and I was on the ground, I looked up and he was watching the rehearsals from Scotland of whatever they were filming, I don't fucking know. And he didn't even notice that I was passed out. And you know…there was blood. It was so so, so traumatic, and I asked him to stop. I said it was too much.”

Scarlett is a compelling witness despite, or because of, her contradictions. Certain things paint a picture of consent—she sexted Gaiman, to which he would send careful replies—and she laughs nervously when she talks about the alleged abuse. But when Gaiman’s side of the story is put to her, she turns cold as a knife and shows flashes of fury that she—in her telling—young, inexperienced and dazzled by Palmer and Gaiman’s fame and lifestyle, was used so casually and so brutally.

A few years back, I wrote about becoming a sort of Jessica Fletcher figure on Twitter. ‘Murder, She Wrote” but with paedophiles and predators. “Just as murderers seemed drawn to any location Jessica presented herself, “ I said. “My opining about women's rights and safety on Twitter appeared to attract the kind of men who can't sit still during a spelling bee.”

Among my adversaries was Peter Bright, the Ars Technica writer now doing twelve years for trying to buy two children to abuse. Luckily the children didn’t exist and the parents were actually FBI agents. Our exchange was brief and concerned safeguarding. I’m sure you’re all astonished to discover that he was against it.

Then there was ex-Labour MP Eric Joyce, who argued with me about the safety of mixed-sex loos in schools and was done for possessing the worst kind of child abuse images. More recently, I tangled with ‘Lexi’, who is now serving time for rape.

They all had one thing in common. They couldn’t leave alone those of us who were actively opposing the trans movement's assault on safeguarding, an assault that chimed nicely with their plans for the future. Each was returning to the scene of a crime not yet committed, each picking at a scab on their own character.

In 2018, at the height of #MeToo, Gaiman tweeted “On a day like today it’s worth saying, I believe survivors. Men must not close their eyes and minds to what happens to women in this world. We must fight, alongside them, for them to be believed, at the ballot box, and with art, and by listening, and change this world for the better.”

Well said. I certainly believe the women in ‘Master’. During my Jessica Fletcher period (a period which continues) no-one except Gaiman ever mentioned my kids. I think he knew it would cause me distress, and the second time he said it was just a twisting of the knife. Many of my colleagues in the media joined in with the trashing of my reputation, but Gaiman went that extra mile. I believe this is because he is a sadist. I think he is a man who finds pleasure in the suffering of others, and a man who does not see women and girls as fully human.

This was my final letter to him.

Dear Neil

I notice you’re still pretending you can’t read the Tavistock story. If you ever try and lay that curse on my kids again I will certainly share our exchange. Your privileged beliefs are harming children so to paraphrase Will Smith, keep their names out of your fucking mouth.

Thank you for giving me one last chance to say that JK Rowling will be remembered as a hero and you as a traitor to the kids who loved your books.

Rest in infamy, you haunted castle.

All the best,

Graham.

[august--and-everything-after]

The way people are tripping over themselves to defend Neil Gaiman or argue that "even if [the allegations] are true you can still support his work just not him personally" (paraphrased from a real thing I saw someone say) and yet JKR has the audacity to SAY things people don't like and it's all "fuck her and Harry Potter it was never even good, boycott everything to do with her and her work forever, and if you defend her from these insane vitriolic attacks then you're just as much of a t*rf c*nt as she is"

Like be SO for real right now. If I see anyone defending NG you're getting an immediate block, I don't associate with rape apologists.

[autistic-crunchwrap]

I watched all of The Bear Season 3 and I have so many thoughts... SPOILERS BELOW

TL;WR: It was not all bad... There were high points and low points for sure, and I did enjoy the high points! but the stress and chaos this season brought was not worth the few and far between moments of goodness we saw.

First, the good:

Liza Colón-Zayas. Oh my god. A true standout, as always. If her episode doesn’t win her an Emmy, I will be fucking furious. Ayo also deserves an Emmy for directing that episode. Every second of the episode was beautiful and moving and added significantly to the overall plot and character development of the show (as every episode of a 10-episode season show should… but more on that later)

Abby Elliot, I love you. I am a Nat Berzatto stan through and through. Ice Chips was my favorite episode of the season. AE’s chemistry with Jamie Lee Curtis is unmatched. I was so genuinely touched by this episode. This episode was family therapy for me, I think. Thank you Abby Elliot, very cool.

Richie gets some great family time with his daughter and Tiff this season, and it’s genuinely so good to see him continue to grow and support his family even when it’s really hard for him. I see how hard he’s trying and I love him for it.

Ted Fak gave some really great energy that really worked this season. Him and Neil were consistently funny and entertaining to watch. I enjoyed their bit about haunting that came up several times throughout the season

JOHN FUCKING CENA being a Fak was an INSANE choice but I loved it. This show has gone off the rails and goddamn it I need more John Cena immediately

Joel McHale is back and as bitchy as ever! I love the havoc he wreaks on Carmy. His line from episode 10, “I don’t think about you” (paraphrasing, I’m not going back to watch it for the exact quote) made me gasp watching it. If Carmy wasn't such a prick, I would feel bad, but Season 3 Carmy deserves the shit Chef David deals him.

Olivia Coleman. That is all.

"You can go fuck" is my favorite Bear quote, especially when Nat says it

Always happy to see Will Poulter as Luca. His lil mullet is adorable and I love him. I hope he and Syd connect even more in Season 4

Pete asking Syd if different foods make different levels of noise was the funniest bit the whole season. Protect Pete at all costs.

Now for the bad…

Where’s the fucking character development??? Carmy and Syd in particular felt very stuck this season. The whole season is very stuck in the past and pays a lot of lip service to 'working through your shit'... but no one ever works through their shit this season (save for Richie, sort of) and it annoyed the hell out of me.

The whole first episode felt like a waste of time. Almost no narrative development, 20+ minutes of montage and fancy shots of cooking? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the food porn in The Bear. I live for that shit. But the narrative went NO WHERE in Episode 1 because of how much fancy cooking footage was there instead. Gurl, get on with it. I’m bored.

There are several secrets being kept this season. Syd being offered another (possibly better) position and never talking to Carmy about it, Cicero not telling Carmy that he's now broke and can't help pay for the restaurant anymore, and the details of the restaurant review being kept a secret from the audience (and the characters) for most of the season. And like, we just never really get any payoff from it?? We barely see the restaurant review at the end, Syd doesn't tell Carmy about the other job, and Cicero doesn't tell Carmy about being broke. We ended the season where we started. Re: a waste of time!

Another waste of time was the slight of hand/magic trick theme thing they tried to do but didn't fully develop. I was confused as to what the point of all that was, but it was never fully resolved. Don't give me that 'to be continued' shit because you didn't tie up your loose ends this season. I know bad writing when I see it.

Cicero was especially difficult to watch this season. More antagonistic than usual (which, fair, The Bear is a very expensive shitshow) but it makes a big deal about saying he wishes he would've shown up for the Berzatto kids more, but for what purpose? He says this twice, only for it to be revealed to the audience that he's basically lying to Carmy about having money. Bad writing makes this character more scummy than I think he needs to be.

The Claire subplot went absolutely nowhere this season. I think the only time we actually see Claire in present day (and not just in Carmy's blue-tinted 'Supercut' by Lorde memories of her...) is when Neil and Ted Fak are fucking with her at work about Carmy. She was a major trigger point for Carmy this season, but he never does anything to make amends to her, which I found strange considering there's a WHOLE EPISODE about Carmy "considering apologizing." Shut the fuck up. Apologize to her or don't, but she is not haunting you, Carmen. Goddamn.

Speaking of Carmy never apologizing, this season is SO full of callbacks to previous seasons and makes such specific references that the audience is expected to remember, but there are giant plot holes and references that are all but forgotten. The "I'm sorry" sign that Carmy taught Syd to do on the line when they're upset at each other is never brought up once this season, which feels lazy. Carmy did that sign when he was being an asshole last season, and it felt like that was missing. Also, some of the motifs this season just didn't make sense to me.

Finally, Carmen Berzattto is a grade-A asshole the whole season. Like, just a massive prick with no character development, no arc, no interest in healing or working through his shit or connecting with other human beings in really anyway, and honestly? He was antagonistic and demanding and harsh in a way we've never see him before, and I don't think it was for the better. I understand that it's because he's lost this humility and is turning into Chef David, which is the worst thing in the world to Carmy, but he shows 0 remorse for being an asshole this season. Him 'not being able to say sorry' isn't a good enough excuse for how truly grating his character was the entire season. I didn't enjoy watching him on screen. My favorite moments this season were the ones where Carmy was no where to be found. I loved Carmy in Seasons 1 and 2, but I wanted nothing to do with him this season. That's just bad writing.

PHEW, that was a lot! Okay my loves, thanks for sticking through all that. Please let me know your thoughts and hot takes too!! Anyway, stan Natalie Berzatto, and pick up some fucking C-folds, yeah?

[whim-prone-pirate]

how many times does neil gaiman have to specifically refuse to Word-Of-God anything before y'all take the hint—

he is the biggest supporter of fandom that there is, his own and in the broadest of senses. "is [x] canon?" is such an easily answerable question given that he has answered it twenty five times on one tumblr account. so, to reiterate, again, on his behalf:

book canon is stated in the book. tv canon is shown on screen.

anything that neil has said about his own characters outside of that specific and clearly laid out guideline is considered his own headcanon and opinion. there is no wrong or right version of aziraphale or dream or coraline. however you have decided to personalize these characters to help you love them does not make them any less real. Your Crowley is yours, and he is just as real as Neil's Crowley.

stop worrying. genuinely. you don't have to go searching for canon in the various gaimanverses because it's all been laid out in front of you since inception. you're all fine.

in neil's own words (possibly paraphrased as i don't have the post in front of me): "your characters are safe, and no one is going to take them away from you." not even neil.

[otdiaftg]

The Foxhole Court - Chapter Five

Day: Sunday, June 11th (*Sunday, June 9th in TFC) Time: 3:45 PM EST

Across the room Kevin's face went white. "What did you call me?" "I called you a deadweight has-been," Neil said. Kevin was out of his chair so fast he knocked it over. Neil backed out of the room and slammed the door closed between them. He'd only made it two steps back toward his room when Kevin yanked the door open again. Kevin got his hands on Neil's neck in an instant and slammed Neil up against the opposite wall. Neil dug his fingers into Kevin's wrists, trying to loosen Kevin's grip enough that he could breathe. He tried to knee Kevin, but Kevin crushed him against the wall with his own body. "What the fuck did you call me?" Kevin demanded again. Neil didn't have the breath to answer. It didn't matter; Kevin's angry voice and the loud smack of Neil's body against the dormitory's concrete walls was enough to fill the hall with Foxes. Andrew was the first to show up in the cousins' doorway, but Matt was the one who went for Kevin. He wrapped an arm around Kevin's throat and wrenched Kevin's head back at a dangerous angle. "Get off him, Day," Matt snarled.

Kevin let go of Neil with one hand and drove an elbow into Matt's ribs. Matt grunted and tightened his grip, forcing Kevin to release Neil entirely if he hoped to breathe anytime soon. Matt hauled Kevin away from Neil, but Kevin wiggled free two steps later and swung at Matt. Matt deflected it with one swipe and punched Kevin hard enough to send him sprawling. The look on Matt's face said he was just getting started, but Andrew stepped between them before Matt could go after Kevin again. Andrew was smiling and his stance was casual, but Matt knew better than to try his luck.

Art used with permission by Lnmei! Thank you SO much @lnmei !

*In The Foxhole Court, Nora wrote the date as Sunday, June 9th which would be inaccurate to the dates stated, both previously and later on in the story. I have changed it after researching which date would be more accurate to the story and current time frame.*

[morlock-holmes]

In one of those things that makes you feel like reality is slipping away, Neil Gorsuch, in his majority opinion, essentially paraphrases that famous Anatole French quote,

"The law, in its majestic equality, forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal their bread."

Here's Gorsuch (Page 3 of the decision):

Grants Pass’s public-camping ordinances do not criminalize status. The public-camping laws prohibit actions undertaken by any person, regardless of status. It makes no difference whether the charged defendant is currently a person experiencing homelessness, a backpacker on vacation, or a student who abandons his dorm room to camp out in protest on the lawn of a municipal building.

The man isn't an idiot. His argument is that, in the precedent cited, the Supreme Court ruled that one cannot criminalize a status. Specifically, it cannot criminalize the status of being an addict.

(c) Plaintiffs insist the Court should extend Robinson to prohibit the enforcement of laws that proscribe certain acts that are in some sense “involuntary,” because some homeless individuals cannot help but do what the law forbids. See Brief for Respondents 24–25, 29, 32. The Ninth Circuit pursued this line of thinking below and in Martin, but this Court already rejected it in Powell v. Texas, 392 U. S. 514. In Powell, the Court confronted a defendant who had been convicted under a Texas statute making it a crime to “ ‘get drunk or be found in a state of intoxication in any public place.’ ” Id., at 517 (plurality opinion). Like the plaintiffs here, Powell argued that his drunkenness was an “‘involuntary’” byproduct of his status as an alcoholic. Id., at 533. The Court did not agree that Texas’s law effectively criminalized Powell’s status as an alcoholic. Writing for a plurality, Justice Marshall observed that Robinson’s “very small” intrusion “into the substantive criminal law” prevents States only from enforcing laws that criminalize “a mere status.” Id., at 532–533. It does nothing to curtail a State’s authority to secure a conviction when “the accused has committed some act . . . society has an interest in preventing.” Id., at 533. That remains true, Justice Marshall continued, even if the defendant’s conduct might, “in some sense” be described as “ ‘involuntary’ or ‘occasioned by’” a particular status. Ibid.

My counterargument would be that not all alcoholics drink, and they certainly do not all get drunk in a public place.

All homeless people must sleep.

My big picture question is that, if you have a status that essentially requires certain behavior, what, in practice, is the distinction between criminalizing the status and criminalizing the behavior?

Suppose I do not have private property on which I am allowed to sleep; how might I avoid getting arrested for violating this ordinance?

The answer is that I literally cannot. By definition.

The court, I suspect, would argue back that essentially "Not having private property on which to sleep" is itself not a status, but a behavior, and the state may have a justified reason to criminalize the behavior of not acquiring private property on which to sleep.

I hope I don't need to explain why I find that barbaric (And frankly, stupid as well).

PS - The conflation between behavior that is occasioned by a status and behavior that is involuntary in Powell seems like a moral mistake by the court. An Alcoholic may get drunk in his house, rather than in public; therefore, even though public drunkenness is clearly occasioned by his status as an addict, it is not involuntary.

For example, imagine a state law which makes it illegal to check your blood sugar. Does this not essentially criminalize the status of being Diabetic? If the state objected that it had not criminalized being a diabetic, because all citizens were forbidden from checking their blood sugar, I hope we'd be able to dismiss that as the absurdity that it is.

[all-thestories-aretrue]

Here are the Thoughts™️I promised @discordkittenterumi

This post is a much longer follow to this post from last night as I was listening to episode 60.

This post is also in conversation with with something @peppedstep mentioned about Neil’s loyalty to the coterie, which I touch on briefly.

Everything sort of solidified in my brain after finishing 60 at like 2 am last night.

In 60, we see Neil wake up in a strange place with Weathers and Amara with him. The last thing he remembers is running from his sire which seems to be several days ago.

Neil also does not remember much of Baghdad (which is a whole separate post that is coming. I have many thoughts about Nara and Neil in that situation).

He routinely has panic attacks, some of which lead to dissociation. For example, before his trial in 37 and 38, we see him go catatonic when he realizes his haven is under attack. Dissociation is not usually something that happens to someone once and then never again. It’s a coping mechanism, and I don’t think it’s a stretch to say it’s something he experiences, perhaps not regularly, but with some sort of frequency.

In addition, many of his rituals require his mind to be separated from his body, and we know kalif also impacts his cognitive function as also seen in Baghdad. He has the capability of astral projecting which leaves his body behind, defenseless. The ritual with the bull in 6, he had others stay nearby just in case something were to happen. The second time he completes the ritual, Johnny escorts him.

Neil is often dependent on the people around him to keep him safe, and we see him repeatedly look to others for their judgement before he makes a decision on his own. He looks to Nara to trust Jubair, and he looks to Amara to trust Catherine and this mission. In these two cases in particular, he’s forced to rely on others’ assessments of the situation because he cannot make his own. In addition, relies on Britta and Miles to defend him in court while Johnny and Wynn take care of his haven. He also places an immense amount of trust in the coterie and their decisions, generally speaking.

Peppedstep mentioned that family is important to Neil, the coterie is important to Neil. He consistently revolves around the idea of keeping them together and spending their final nights together. I agree, but to add another layer to that, Neil trusts everyone in the coterie, and as has often been discussed, trust is an extremely rare commodity for Kindred, and in some cases doesn’t exist at all. What Neil has with the coterie almost seems to be unprecedented given the general picture of the Camarilla and Kindred society the audience is presented with. He knows these people will protect him and/or his body when he is unable to.

I would imagine, without them, his quality of life would be diminished, and all it would take is one mistake, one bad episode, for him to meet final death or another horrible fate, especially considering his abilities. It was a stroke of luck that Amara and Weathers picked Neil up.

His drug use, mental health issues, and magical abilities all work closely together to form a complex web of memory loss and a distrust of his own opinions. Even further, I would argue that his memory loss contributes to his lack of a sense of identity.

I believe it’s been mentioned a few times that Neil doesn’t really have a strong sense of identity (I am not going to sort through all 60 episodes to find those sources though, sorry! I do think it might have been brought up at the party when Fester was preparing him?), and that’s proven by how he talks about his worth early on when Wynn confronts him after the bull ritual. He, and I am paraphrasing here, believes he is useful because he can provide the coterie with knowledge. Later on, he mentions that Miles kept him around because of his specific abilities which again, his worth is tied up in his usefulness to people.

This mentality is compounded by his early history with his sire. In 51 or 52 (I can’t remember which and I’m not going to look it up), it’s described that Neil looks at his sire the way one might look at an abusive parent. Neil is absolutely terrified of this person even now. Based on Neil’s nonconfrontational personality, some of his coping mechanisms in the face of this abuse could easily be making himself small, agreeing with his sire, etc. leading to the people-pleasing nature we see in Neil now. Peppedstep also posited that Neil could have been Embraced to be made in his sire’s image. We know he is a loner, we know he has visions, and maybe he also feels the need for family in his own demented way. Regardless of if that is true, Neil’s sire had a massive effect on who Neil became as a Kindred and without question would influence his sense of identity. If Peppedsteps’s theory is true, then Neil’s sire would have stripped away any sense of who he was to remake him in his image.

TLDR: Neil has memory loss from a combination of drug use, mental health issues, and magical abilities which make him reliant on others for his safety in certain circumstances and further exacerbate his lack of a sense of identity.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[megamuscle885-blog]

TW: Suicide mention. Worm Spoilers.

Reprising my Neil Cicierega post from before about how "Mullet with Butterfly Wings" is a skitter/scurry/chitter song.

Crocodile Chop is a Gold Morning song. The lyrics are all very slurred and drunken. She's lurching around. Amy's hands on her as she "Wake(s) up!". "Why'd you leave the keys on the table?" Who's just leaving Amy alone with Taylor. They had to know she was going to do something drastic. Lisa should've, and that's the tragedy isn't it? "Here you go and create another fable." The myth, making Taylor into a weapon. Maybe I'm reading a little too much into it, but this is supposed to be a fun little post anyway, it's not too serious.

Except "I don't think you trust in my self-righteous suicide." is just a dead on, straight between the eyes, punch to the forehead shining example of Taylor Hebert's character in this moment.

The scream for Fathers feels a little bit like Taylor's frustrations with Danny, and maybe a little bit of QA (who is currently in the driver's seat) might be feeling a little forsaken by her father Scion herself in this moment? "Father into your hands I commend my spirit." and the whole section there, is SOAD directly lifting words from Jesus' crucifixion. This one's not a particularly deep take from me, but you can see Jesus' crucifixion as a kind of self-righteous suicide, huh? And Taylor is also putting herself on the line, as usual, and sacrificing any other kind of future she may have had for herself in favor of the greater good, and the unity of humanity. It's a consistent, doomed worldview she's held ever since "Cut Ties, I'm Sorry." entered the picture. She put the Undersiders aside. She spent more time with the Chicago Wards than them, and her time with them wasn't even worth mentioning in the text. She sets them aside too. She trains Golem because they have a shared enemy, but there's nothing else there. There can be nothing else there when she has to go die on the cross, unknowingly, but still. The Simurgh, Contessa and Dinah all conspiring to put her in the right place at the right time.

My read of SOAD's lyrics seem focused on the 'right to die', about how nobody truly deserves to die, but we all will die, but there are some people who are condemned regardless of their circumstances for the method of their death. Serj Tankian brings up his potential for dying in a drug overdose as his example of someone dying in a shameful way, and therefore 'deserving' to die. (This is just me paraphrasing the wikipedia entry I'm not uncovering new ground here lol). There's also the very literal Angel-like being hovering over the battlefield to consider.

Choosing how you go out is more than some people get. Except Taylor doesn't get to choose how she goes out in the end, does she? Taylor doesn't really have a choice here. The Simurgh chooses. Dinah chooses. Contessa chooses. That little static burst as the song fades out to "Transmission" (a little bit where a numbers radio is played interspersed with the introductory rift from David Bowie's Space Oddity) sounds like her turning her head to see Contessa sitting there with her gun in her hand.

All of this is set to Elton John's Crocodile Rock, which I haven't really listened to enough to have thoughts on it. I don't really have any deep takes on his side of the mashup, other than the fact that the piano and Serj's "Die" is pitch shifted to Elton's "laa, la-la-la-la-laa" making it very unsettling.

I've been listening to too much of Neil's music while driving to work and it's starting to mix together with all of the other brain worms, creating intricate mental AMVs, and it shows.

[ninyard]

hello i have a LOT of thoughts about aaron’s trial, so :) remember you asked: i did some ✨research✨ ages ago for a silly little fic i was writing, so i know nora said in the ec that of the team, only aaron, andrew, nicky, & neil are present for the trial (not kevin*). i think nora said this was aaron’s call, but he made it for andrew’s benefit (something something it’s aaron’s trial but andrew’s tragedy). i don’t think wymack, bee, or abby are there either, but i hc that andrew would call bee or renee after, depending on if he’d want to talk or want a distraction (i.e. to spar). re: who testifies, idk about nicky, but nora said that neil doesn’t testify. which… i don’t rlly get. yes, neil refused to talk to the cops at nicky’s parents’ house, but he wasn’t “neil” yet. the exact line from the raven king is, ‘something like this demanded complete honesty, and neil had been lying since he was old enough to speak’. but by the time of aaron’s trial (the summer after neil’s freshman year, i think), neil is legally neil josten, so idk why he wouldn’t testify, unless andrew asked him not to. and i think andrew, who according to the ec is a criminal justice major (!!!!), would know that neil’s testimony is key to proving that aaron’s actions 1. weren’t premeditated, and 2. were in defense of andrew.

if i remember correctly, nora also said that aaron, nicky, & neil are all present during andrew’s testimony, and nicky’s crying the entire time. it’s also when aaron finds out that andrew only got himself sent to juvie to keep aaron away from drake. (i think nora said that’s when aaron finally understands andrew / that andrew’s been trying to protect aaron from the moment he learned he had a brother.) ((ouch.))

*paraphrasing but: nora said kevin isn’t at the trial bc andrew had a deal to protect kevin, and how could he protect kevin when he (andrew) had been so ‘unmoored’ himself? (that said, i kinda think kevin would have to be there to testify… definitely at the very least, they’d play his phone call to 911.)

oh ouch. okay thank you so so much for this omg

I do agree though that Kevin definitely would’ve been there + Neil would’ve testified. Without at least Neil testifying it’s makes it more difficult to imagine how he would’ve been acquitted considering he’s the one who brought the murder weapon. I also think even if Kevin doesnt testify, they definitely still play the 911 call.

[ghostly-penumbra]

I find it funny that people are tagging my Lucifer (TV) crossover as DPxDC 'cause... like, it's not wrong, but it's also a bit of a stretch...

Like, I used the series, which is based on the Neil Gaiman comics, which comes from The Sandman comics, which is, paraphrasing Neil, "in its own little corner of the DC universe", and I didn't use any other character AT ALL (only mentioned Mazikeen)

Not saying it's not DPxDC, I think it's more like, not not DPxDC

[vynegar]

chapter nine analysis/discussion

I found an interesting discussion/analysis post on chapter 9, so I figured I’d post about it in the same vein as my previous post about a fan theory. This will be more paraphrasing and summarizing rather than a full translation. First is the bilibili post, then below that will be my own thoughts on it and the chapter.

my usual disclaimers; I’m not fluent, there will be mistakes and especially with this type of post I won’t be agonizing over precise word choice, just the overall argument. check my masterlist for more translation and analysis.

[Tears of Themis | Main Story Chapter 9 “Grey Frontier” Plot Discussion and Analysis by 日和风物诗. Originally posted to bilibili on July 5, 2022.]

Chapter 9 feels like the calm before the storm. Even though MC doesn't have all the information and the writers haven't given us an omniscient POV, we still learned a lot. This chapter is probably a transition chapter, but still plays an important role that is worth analyzing.

1. Why the atmosphere among the NXX members has changed

This chapter feels strange right from the start when Luke and Marius are outside Tyson Turner's hospital room. Although everyone argued with other before, it's unusual for them to be so direct and to bring up "rich people" so often. Them deliberately talking like this feels deeply disconcerting.

And then there's Artem, whose attitude as changed the most. He was indifferent at NXX HQ when telling Luke he was busy, then at the police station he was aggressive and overbearing and even suddenly became Harper's attorney. He's like a completely different person from when he warmly encouraged MC over the phone, confusing both the audience and MC.

Now let's sort out some relevant details. First is the night before Artem's attitude changed, when he hesitated over the phone, paused, then said "I believe you can handle all of this well." This sentence seems normal, but MC (who has a sharp intuition) feels the deeper meaning behind it. Clearly he was referring to something more dangerous than just the online harassment.

The next day in the HQ, Artem deliberately picked the farthest chair, rejected MC's offer to help, avoided her gaze, and was extremely distant when leaving, as if afraid that MC would persist in trying to work with him and get involved in something dangerous.

As for Artem becoming Harper's defense attorney, his confrontation with Luke and MC at the police station actually reminded me of "Day and Night" when Artem pretended to be part of the enemy to obtain key information – similar aggression, similar scene opening – so this time he's probably doing something similar. That is, he is "acting", and under some scrutiny, we can see some clues toward that.

For example, he shook his head at MC to stop her when she was about to hold Luke back from questioning Harper, and he didn't do anything when Harper looked to him for help. On the surface, Artem is protecting his client's rights, but in reality, he's helping Luke obtain key info from Harper, the source of the drugs.

This feels familiar. Think back to the "standoff" between Marius and Luke in the hospital. On the surface Luke is mocking Marius, but in reality he's reminding Marius about his button and returns it to him.

Everyone in NXX is in a different position with their own things to protect, so it's natural for the occasional conflict to occur like between Marius and Artem over Neil Hume's disappearance. However, this apparent hostility and indifference really seems disconcerting and deliberate, and the timing of everyone's estrangement clearly isn't mature. Thus, Vyn and Marius are absent from routine meetings for the first time, and the sudden confrontation between members seems even more abnormal. However, looking at the notes on the case files [in the NXX HQ in the game], we can find that everyone is still getting along like before.

So with that, it's not hard to conclude that everyone is acting. Now the question is, who is the act for?

The biggest suspect is NSB.

At HQ, Artem told us that part of access to the Big Data Lab was transferred to the NSB's special investigation group. They locked all the cases related to NXX and even had Luke investigate any abnormalities in Pax. One important thing is that Luke wasn't even previously informed about the NSB investigation team, which he thinks is because he had gotten "too close" to NXX members. NSB might think that Luke isn't on the same side as them anymore and is wary of him, and this could just be the reason that everyone is acting. Luke is also meant to investigate Pax, so he shouldn't be too close to the object of his investigation in order to remain impartial. And if Artem is truly trying to infiltrate the enemy, then it's even more necessary for him to distance himself from us, both NXX and NSB.

Second is the mastermind represented by Jerome Adams and Wilson Sorge. NXX has already been exposed to them, and feigning internal conflict may confuse their focus. At the same time, because NXX is unsure of how much they know about NXX's members, they can use smokescreens to avoid any unnecessary involvements. But Jerome said that he works at Gladiolus Valley Research Center, which is run by the city government. Unless he and Wilson are working behind the back of the research center, the conspiracy may have to do with the city government. This leads to an even scarier idea.

What if the NSB, Jerome, and Wilson are all connected? What if there's a mole in the NSB?

Then that incident Luke was involved in where a group of people died from contaminated drugs could also have something to do with this.

2. The Identity of Oedipus

My initial guess was Jerome Adams. First, he has the pharmaceutical resources, and second, he is often in that hospital, so it would be easy for him to give Harper the drugs and note. Finally, he also has the motive: if the drugs he gave Luke were really the antidote, then his purpose could be using Luke as a "test subject" to study the effects of the drug. And when Luke met with Aaron, his feeling that there was someone watching him could be from being watched. Or they could be wanting to control Luke and use him for their purposes. Either possibility is frightening.

3. The Problem of MC's Participation

I saw many people saying that they didn't feel a sense of participation in chapter 9, that MC was in the dark the whole time, far away from the truth and core of the case, like she was being "protected" by everyone. Although this is true to some extent, this "outsider" perspective is uncomfortable.

But think back to how we joined NXX in the first place. The three existing members of NXX all had different viewpoints on Neil Hume's disappearance, so they had to bring in someone else in order to be impartial.

So from the start, we've always been in this position – we can't become overly involved in any one side, just like how Themis must independently and impartially make judgments.

Our personal background is also less complicated than the other members. We have fewer restrictions so we can deal with the matters as they are, without getting too caught up in external forces. As the saying goes, sometimes you're too close to something to be able to see it clearly, and as an observer who hasn't fully become involved, we'll be able to clearly see the things they can't and more objectively analyze each side's interests.

In short, just like Artem told us that night before the meeting: "I believe you can handle all of this well." They trust you enough to let you play such a crucial role.

[end of post]

--

This is pretty long as I comment on the points that are discussed, but also just talk about things that I thought of during the chapter. Tl;dr I agree that it’s probably an act, and the likeliest reason is some combination of Jerome’s side and NSB. But lots of other details and tangents are discussed.

1. Why the atmosphere among the NXX members has changed

I agree that the antagonism between the members is probably just an act. Despite their disagreements and small quips at each other, they calm down and cooperate peacefully when it comes to the important things. Therefore, when we see them being so openly aggressive while protecting each other almost secretively (Marius’s button and Luke questioning Harper), it’s a signal that something is going on.

The post makes an apt connection to “Day and Night” SSR when Artem works for a suspect in order to lure them out and advance the investigation. In one scene he also acts cold, arrogant, and aggressive in order when up against MC, in order to seem fully on the enemy’s side. The events in this card can pretty much be read in the exact same way.

(I also initially thought that this might not even be him trying to proactively obtain more information on the enemy, but just maintain what control that NXX has already. With the NSB locking out their access to other NXX-related cases and poised to take over investigation, Artem may be involving himself just to make sure they still have eyes on this case. That way he’ll be present for any leads that may appear, and he can ensure nothing suspicious happens like destruction/suppression of clues or evidence. Possibly he discovered Harper’s possible connection to NXX drugs through his own independent investigation and began to act.)

In addition to “Day and Night” being a prior example of acting aggressive, Chapter 9 itself also has an examples. Luke’s behavior at the juvenile correctional facility shows us that unusual aggression from one of the characters can be because they have a hidden purpose that is rooted in trying to help the other.

It is interesting that while Artem appeared indifferent to MC in public, Marius was able to switch back into his usual playful self towards her at the NSB questioning. However, Marius is still just representing Pax’s interests and his connection to MC is probably publicly documented from his trial, whereas Artem is supposed to be representing Harper now.

This connects with a very astute point made in the post, that NXX does not know how much their enemy knows. MC is clearly aware of this too when speaking with Jerome in the hospital. Since she’s not sure if Jerome saw what happened, and the NXX members’ identities are quite sensitive, she decides to hide the others’ involvement and say that she and Vyn evacuated on a boat, since Jerome had already seen Vyn during the normal course of the cruise.

It may explain why some relationships can seem quite normal (if they’ve already been exposed), while others may have to keep up the hostile act. For example, anyone who knows about Luke’s personal life would know that he’s close with MC, and Jerome already saw Vyn and MC together so she can mention him when talking about that night. However, whoever’s watching NXX might not know how close Artem and MC are beyond work partners, or may not know the relationship between the NXX men. For possible unknown relationships, NXX may be keeping their distance as much as possible.

One thing this chapter has showed, though, is that Jerome already seems to know quite a bit about Marius and how he operates, to the point that he knows how to manipulate Marius into paying someone’s medical fees. It’s definitely possible that Jerome’s side is keeping a close eye on Maruis and that Marius and Vincent’s communications are somehow compromised, since paying those medical fees was something Marius had Vincent handle privately.

Marius being watched also explained some parts that made me question the “acting” theory. His sarcasm when saying that he and NSB are on “the same side” seems to show genuine displeasure, but could be explained by frustration at NSB taking over the investigation and not really toward Luke. What stood out more was when Marius said that the “kind soul” (Luke) only gave back the button because it could no longer be used against him, making it sound like Luke was keeping leverage against Marius. However, it could also be read as them keeping so much distance that this was the first opportunity Luke had to return the button, and Marius just put his own spin on the situation to suit the “act.” In that case, it seems like Marius still maintains the act even alone with Vincent, as if he suspects that they are under surveillance. (Vincent as a mole is a possibility that has often crossed my mind, since he has access to so much information, but I just don’t think he is.)

Finally, checking the case files is a very clever idea. They seem mostly normal, except Vyn has one sharp comment on Gerard Boone’s file (“Think less and do more.”), though honestly I’m not sure who or what exactly he’s referring to. It could just also be Vyn being Vyn (see Rio’s personnel file, “…you didn’t just give me an order, right? at Artem). On Harper’s case though, Vyn is also surprised that Artem took her case.

I joked that Vyn actually comes out of this chapter looking pretty normal. Mainly because he appeared only in one short scene, where he was also in a private setting and mostly spoke with MC, and partially because he’s normally Like That (affectionate). His surprised comment about Artem really shows how independently the NXX members are currently operating though, and it almost feels like Vyn is less involved in the hostile performance than the others. This makes sense, seeing as any interests that Vyn might be representing (like Svart) haven’t come into play (…yet?) and as Adjudicator of NXX, impartiality would also be important for him.

As for NSB or Jerome being the ones watching their “act”, I don’t have much to add. NSB has been pressuring Pax, wary of Luke, and taking over the investigation; it’s not a stretch to imagine them taking that suspicion one step further. Jerome already seems to be watching them to some extent, as discussed earlier about Marius. I think any connection between the two is still firmly in speculation territory, and it may just be that Jerome’s role in the research center allows him access to the resources he needs. However, I do like how OP looked into the BDL entry for extra clues, like in the case files too. It reminds me of how Svart is noted to have a well-developed pharmaceutical industry in its BDL entry, relevant in that first fan theory I posted about.

Just one possibility for whoever might be watching them: Irene Burke revealed in the Inspection Chapter (8.5) that Tyson Turner gave her photos of Vyn and instructed her to get rid of him as the last member of the original NXX investigation team. Although Turner is dead now, this is still a line of thinking that we can consider, as NXX has clearly been surveilled before.

2. Identity of Oedipus

I think Jerome (or someone related to his side) is our best guess for this so far. I’ll go on a little tangent in this section since we’ve actually seen another Oedipus before in the story, in Luke’s personal story. In Greek mythology, Oedipus solved the Sphinx’s riddle, making the Sphinx kill herself. The Oedipus in Luke’s personal story also went up against Sphynx, though there, the Sphynx was victorious. However, it seems like these two Oedipuses are probably completely different people in completely separate storylines, seeing as their purposes don’t seem to have anything in common.

This chapter is our clearest confirmation that the personal storylines are completely separate from the main storylines, which is painfully demonstrated by MC not knowing about Aaron or Luke’s illness. It’s necessary considering the romance in the personal stories, but I had privately considered the non-romantic events of the blossom chapters as canon. Seeing almost two years of character development being undone in the main story, especially with Luke still trying to push away MC, is… so sad. I can’t help but wonder how the other LIs are doing – is imperfection still unacceptable to Vyn, is Marius still considering letting go of his identity as Z, has Artem learned how to balance his work with pursuing his own emotions?

3. The Problem of MC's Participation

Honestly, I dislike it when all the LIs are trying to shelter MC to keep her “safe,” but this post made me think of it in a different way. Yes, she’s excluded from some key aspects of the investigation and also kept in the dark. However, because she is genuinely not involved in the tricky balance of representing different interests, she’ll be the last one remaining if NSB (or some other entity) do start trying to impede the members from investigating due to the interests they each represent. If NXX specifically agreed to keep MC safe in this way, then they’re protecting her because they trust her to save the investigation if they’re ever besieged from all sides. Time will tell if this is the direction the writers intended, but this is a somber enough explanation for Artem’s phone call encouragement, and I would really love to see this kind of development.

[my-fool]

i'm crazy about cult logic and the familiar risk. how do you come up with your ideas? (earnest question not rhetorical) do you come up with one core concept first and then build and build on the web of themes, or does it all unfold naturally from any random point? or do you make it up as you go and then tweak after?

how do you reconcile in your head so many different versions of the same character, like ulder and astarion and even wyll to some extent who are so different in both of those fics?

Interesting questions thank you for the opportunity to speak....

Ideas & plot structure

Ideas and plots are one of those things that happen organically for me so it's hard to define where they come from BUT i don't want to leave you with that bland answer so I will speak vaguely upon this topic for a moment

The best advice about having unique ideas comes from neil gaiman's masterclass series where he says that the best ideas are the collision of two distinct concepts (its been 2 years since i watched it so paraphrasing). For me this is usually 1 core idea that I try to interpret through characters that have an existing dynamic. For Cult Logic, I wanted it to feel like a regency novel (hence the marriage troubles and the duel) and the only person he could realistically duel would be Ulder and I couldn't find a reason for them to duel over Astarion so it had to be an oc (emmaline). Everything was plotted out in both directions from that endpoint. As much as i like cult logic I felt like the plot left something to be desired and I wasn't able to explore everything I wanted to with the plot's random time constraint so i wrote the familiar risk almost immediately afterward 😆

The best advice about engaging plots I've received was from pixar writers which was "find out what a character finds most important or relies on and take that away". You'll notice this happens almost constantly in the familiar risk. What Astarion values most is the safety Wyll provides and Astarion loses him twice, once at the midpoint and then again at the end. What Wyll values most is his ability to hide/mask, and that is gradually eroded throughout the entire plot. Not just the tensest moments, but also the most emotional plot beats and the closest moments to a character's heart revolve around those dynamics.

Character writing

For me characters serve the plot, not the other way around, even in fanfiction. Everything serves the plot and even though I've softened with time to value emotional beats and quieter moments, I will always operate to some degree with plotplotplot on the mind.

Therefore their differences in cult logic vs familiar risk suit the story that I wanted to tell and when I started to write them I fell into a familiar risk "feeling". Astarion's endpoint in TFR is kind of a little further along from where he is in CL but for me they exist in that same timeline where he starts off as horrible starved spawn gremlin ~> actual loving person who can put others first. So for me he has unique parts to both fics but he's the same guy in my head.

Wyll is different in both fics to an extent. I think cult logic wyll was very rattled by his father being tortured which is why he falls into the subservience. I was still learning to write Wyll so I wasnt 100% sure on him yet. TFR wyll is tough as nails he's like a noir detective 🕵️‍♂️ frankly he is not super canon compliant anymore (i would argue he is he just takes a different selection of canon traits than those usually favoured in fanon).

Ulder is starkly different between two fics. When i was writing cult logic someone left a comment like:

"I may be wrong but I think Ulder is drowing in so much guilt and Wyll not getting angry at him and always forgiving him does not help so he escalates in hope to get Wyll finally get angry and punish him."

And i was like FUCKKKK.

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

And after that I posted the last few chapters of cult logic but it was worming away in my brain like FAWK.

I genuinely felt so gutted for this poor guy. Poor ulder. So i wanted to write something where he could be the good guy.

Structurally also ulder needed to be a good guy a) because wyll goes through so much in TFR and b) so that functionally Astarion has someone to lean on post-canon. If, in TFR, Wyll returned home after the climax to an ulder that was stiff and unforgiving... yeesh !

Hope that all makes sense ! Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to talk :)