#and thank you to my friends who ive only met recently

[arsenicflame]

there was going to be a sappy post about how much my life has changed in the past year since starting this account here but i feel i have bothered you all enough with my feelings on that in recent weeks

thank you all for being here with me, i love you, and happy birthday to this blog :)

[hannieehaee]

hello!!!

i would like to request possesive (lowkey toxic) bsf minghao like a short five or a drabble bcs i read your toxic mingyu one and it was sosososo good!!

tysm (i love your fics btw they’re so good)

18+ / mdi

content: toxicbsf!minghao, friends to lovers, he's toxic but its fine bc i have a crush on him so, manipulation, afab reader, smut, mentions of oral (f receiving), reader is a virgin, loss of virginity, penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 2064

a/n: thank uu!! im obsessed with toxicbsf!svt ive been wanting to write more of it since my mingyu fic tysm for requesting!!

masterlist

sometimes it stressed minghao out how sweet and innocent you were. how easy it was for a guy to catch your attention and for you to fall for anyone showed the barest amount of decency towards you.

well, it's not like minghao could really blame you. throughout the many years of being best friends, you had never really been in a serious relationship. there had been a quick fling here and there, but they never went far. not if minghao had anything to say bout it.

it wasn't that minghao wanted to get in the way of your relationships. he was simply protective. whether you realized it or not, he knew better. he knew the filthy ideas guys could get in their heads, specially when a pretty and sweet girl like you showed interest in them. which was why minghao always ran guys off one way or another before things bad a chance of going too far.

now, minghao wasn't dumb. he never made it known that he had been the one to somehow scare away (or sometimes frustrate away) possible suitors for you. he would simply speed up the inevitable. he knew they'd eventually use you and throw you away like most men tended to do to sweet girls like you.

despite your temporary sadness over the constant failed relationships, minghao knew that this was for the best. he wasn't about to allow some filthy man come in and sweep you off your feet just to defile your innocence when they could never love you in a pure and genuine way – in the same way that minghao did.

the task of keeping men off you got harder through the years. you were simply too beautiful to resist. that's how minghao first fell for you anyway (but, of course, he then fell for every other detail about you). you had men asking you out left and right, even ignoring his presence whenever he just so happened to be there. you were always shy and sheepish about it, accepting the compliments but always looking to minghao while seeking his approval of the guy in question (which he never gave, seeing as there was no man who deserved you).

however, there were occasions in which a guy would slip through the cracks, somehow charming you enough to concede to a date or to some flirtatious text messages without minghao's knowledge. the discovery of these instances would always lead to spats between the two of you, with minghao claiming that you clearly did not love him in the way he did you if you were so easily willing to hide things from him. these nights would usually end in you apologizing to him and telling him he was the only guy you needed.

but that did not happen every single time. currently, an anomaly had occurred, causing minghao to be disgusted by recent developments that had occurred in your relationship.

being as sweet and innocent as you were, it was clear to minghao that even a single second away from him would lead you to fall into the arms of some guy. which was what had happened a few weeks back, when you had enthusiastically agreed to a date with some boy you'd met at a party during the ten minutes in which minghao had left you unsupervised.

surprisingly, you had asked minghao to let you try things out with him. you were aware of minghao's protectiveness towards you (although not the full extent of it), but minghao was still surprised when you shyly asked him to let you see how things would go between you and this guy.

the two of you had been talking every day during those few weeks, even going on a few dates which minghao had to be made privy of as you came home overexcited after each one. he hated watching your temporary happiness with some loser who didnt deserve you. he knew it wouldn't last, but it still made him scowl at the thought.

the whole situation reached a crescendo the day you came back from yet another date with the guy, sheepishly telling minghao that you thought it was time for the next step in the relationship. this was, of course, something minghao was not willing to let you go through with.

since you had asked him to not get involved (not even allowing him to meet the guy thus far), he had left the situation alone with the hopes that it would crash and burn on its own, – after all, no man was good enough for you, nor did they compare to the way in which minghao treated you – but unfortunately for minghao, the past three weeks had gone well for the two of you. and now it was time for minghao to step in.

despite his initial anger at your revelation (anger which he kept hidden from you), he allowed you a safe space to talk to him about your 'relationship' and what you intended to do next, which then revealed a window of opportunity for minghao.

"i ... i'm nervous, hao."

"hmm? what makes you nervous, angel?", he was sitting beside you on your shared couch, with your legs basically intertwined.

"i dont know, i've just never ... you know ..."

he knew. you'd never outwardly spoken about it. but he knew you to be a virgin in every sense of the word.

"i dont know, angel. you're gonna have to be more specific."

"i've never had sex. i've never really done anything .."

as expected from his good and innocent girl. but the satisfaction of hearing you say those words died as soon as he remembered the context of the conversation. you were seeking advice in order to have sex with that guy whose name minghao had never even bothered to learn.

"that's okay. you don't have to if you're not ready," he assured you.

"no, but i am! i just ... i wont know what to do when it's time to ... you know, actually do it."

"oh?"

"what if i disappoint him? or what if he thinks im a freak for never having done anything?", you lamented, "am i? is it weird i've never done it? it's just ... it's never worked out between me and any other guy and– fuck you must be exhausted of hearing me lament myself every time i ultimately fuck things up before even leaving the talking stage," you chuckled at yourself in what seemed to be pity.

and minghao did somewhat pity you. despite being direct cause of many of those failed talking stages (something he would never let you find out), he still felt bad that you were feeling unseemly because of his doing.

"angel, no. stop. it's okay. you can always talk to me, you know that. and no. you're not weird for being a, a virgin, you're ... you're so special. no guy should ever make you feel pressured to do it. who is this guy anyway? is he making you– "

"no! hao. it really isnt that! it's me. i'm ... i just dont wanna embarrass myself. i dont ... i have no idea what i'm supposed to do. i ... i've wanted to, but i'm just scared," you pouted, looking down into your lap rather than at him.

he knew the perfect solution for this. it was the most obvious thing, but he needed to approach it in a way that worked out in his favor. he could not risk scaring you away. you were just vulnerable enough in this moment for minghao to finally rid himself of the nuance that had been in his way for these past weeks and finally have you for himself.

"well, i ... i cant help you? if you want. i could show you whatever you're curious about. and then you wont feel nervous anymore", he suggested, now having moved closer to you.

"isnt that cheating?"

he chuckled at the adorable confusion in your tone, reaching out to caress your cheek with his hand, "no, angel. id just be teaching you. as a friend, yeah?"

"oh ... a– are you sure? i dont wanna make you uncomfortable or anything ..."

"you could never make me uncomfortable, beautiful. so what do you say? hmm? let me help you?"

you silently nodded as you scoot even closer to him, giving him the green light to finally have you in the way he'd always wished.

"how about we start by kissing so you can ease into it, yeah?"

you nodded again, already too lightheaded to respond to him with words. minghao felt immense arousal at your innocent demeanor, adoring how your eyes fell directly to his lips the moment he mentioned kissing.

as gently as he could, he connected your lips, staring off with an innocent kiss before letting escalate further.

it was hard for him to control himself, so he didnt. he only gave you a few seconds of gentleness before beginning to kiss you with the fervor he had always wanted to, drinking in your adorable whines of arousal.

somehow your mewls became even prettier when his lips went south, now savoring the taste of your skin as he licked and nipped at your soft neck. his hands were not left unoccupied as they felt you up in ways that could not be defined as anything less than filthy. but you didnt seem to care. you seemed quite into it, actually, moaning endlessly in the way a girl deprived of pleasure would.

in this moment, minghao knew his wait had been worth it, as he now had you in his arms for his taking. and there was no way he would ever let you go after this.

~

it was only a short while later that minghao would finally reach his ruin.

minghao finally had you bare and willing under him as he hovered over you on his bed. after having eaten you out to completion, he was almost completely spent from just the view of your gorgeous body receiving such pleasure for the first time. and now he could finally have you in a way that only he ever would.

"angel ... are you ready?" he breathed as his lips pulled away from your own.

your gaze was completely empty, clearly gone to the pleasure that minghao had such given you and the pleasure you knew was yet to come.

"please ... need to feel you so bad ..."

"oh? but i thought this was about learning, angel? what happened?", he emphasized his words by grinding against your bare core, whispering his teasing words into your ear.

"n– no ... it's not ... just want you ... please."

that was enough for him to finally plunge in, groaning at the slight resistance you showed despite having prepared you beforehand.

your body arched against his as you cried out his name for the nth time that night.

"oh, angel ... feel so fucking good. is it good for you, beautiful? am i teaching you well?"

"y– yes, fuck ... h– hao! feel so fucking good ..."

he ground into you mercilessly, in a way that would make anyone think that this was not your first time together. except it was the first of many.

"does it always feel this good? will it always make me want it like this?"

"no, beautiful. it will never feel this good. you know why?", his hand went to play with the tiny pearl between your legs, making you cry in response, "because you're mine", he speed up in his thrusts, matching the pace of his hand, "and only i can give you this pleasure."

"hao! fuck ... gonna– "

"i know, angel. me too. gonna cum with my pretty angel, yeah? be good for me and cum with me, beautiful."

"love y– you!," your wet cries and stutters already had him gone, but your declaration was what truly did him in, causing him to bury himself as deep as possible as he released him inside you, groaning at the way you pulsed against him as your own orgasm took over you.

upon regaining your breaths and laying together, minghao turned to you, cradling you into his chest as he felt you breathe against him.

"you're mine now, aren't you angel?"

"always," you softly peck his chest, cuddling right back into him.

there was no longer need for minghao to worry about your nameless fling, nor any that would've come after. he had finally kept you all to himself.

[vigilxnte-shit]

join the tuna team!

ever wanted to join a discord server full of people who share your love for one specific, depressed, hot martial artist with a lot of catholic guilt? do you have other interests such as baldur's gate 3 and musical theatre? if so, the tuna team is the place for you!

the tuna team began with the intention of a server where daredevil writers could unite to share our writing, beta read for each other, and just talk about our favorite blind lawyer/vigilante. since then, it has morphed into a place where we all talk to each other about our lives, share pictures of pets, and scream into the void about everything we love.

the tuna team welcomes anyone of any age (well, any age 18 and over), religion, gender, etc. etc. and we would love to have you! if you want to join, message me your discord username and i'll send you a friend request!

be advised that the server is 18+ and although we love charlie and his characters, we do NOT allow speculation on his personal life. we ask that anyone who joins be respectful of others' pronouns, identity, and boundaries- specifics on this are available upon request!

members of the tuna team:

here is a brief introduction to each current member of the tuna team! i am relatively new to interacting with the DD fandom (i've been a fan since 2022, but only just recently started talking with other fans online) and am frankly stunned that so many cool, talented, amazing writers who i look up to are in this server. everyone in here is inspiring and supportive, and contributes to the great vibe we have going in the server!

~~moderators~~

vienna @vigilxnte-shit: hi, as you may have noticed, this is me. i'm the owner of the server, i'm mostly here to write, talk about husband!matt, and send pictures of my cat, coconut.

brooklyn @jazerno: brooke is my irl best friend and roommate, as well as coconut's technical legal mother. brooke originally joined to be a moderator, but has since fallen for frank castle, as one tends to do.

mar @mar-thewriter: mar is a very good friend of mine who i met via another server of people i love. mar doesn't talk much here, but is a great moderator who i love dearly.

mads @madschiavelique: mads is the one who made our gorgeous get roles channel and is our coding genius. they are the ones to thank for

~~tunas~~

leg @a-leg-without-fear: leg is hysterical and our resident emoji artist. she has created all of our emoji in the server and also the lovely art featured above, as well as countless other fun works!

yuna @yarrystyleeza: yuna is the sweetest person you will ever meet and fun fact: tuna team comes from her name! yuna always has the best headcanons and her oc, madilyn, is DARLING.

sapph aka sunshine @sunflowersandsapphires: sapph is the mama of our server, she is sunshine incarnate and always has the best writing prompts + blesses our eyes with her pets!

hira aka robin @amphitrite-5: hira is a very soft and kind soul who regularly makes everyone's day with her kind words. she's also one of our best gamers and doesn't like to sleep (though really, none of us do)

via @zomtart: via is the #1 frank castle character defender and i have no choice but to respect that. they're hilarious and we love having them in the server!

i cant find mariam's tumblr: i was scrolling through mariam's messages and literally fighting the urge to laugh in the office. mariam is hysterical and our representative elektra fan.

eclipse @ecxlipse: eclipse is the baby of our server (i think) but has sent us plenty of gorgeous art and wonderful matt headcanons, and they always have the best contributions to our conversations!

crys @what-i-call-men: crys is responsible for several of the best, spiciest headcanons that have come about on the server. they also have sent the best photo of themselves wearing a DD mask.

zena @coxology101: zena is a busy bee and running her own server, but when we do hear from them, we get some of the best thoughts and BTS dardevil pictures.

ivy @catholicguiltboi: ivy is hysterical and has blessed is with photos of their son, yoshi (who i think is a lizard but i am not very smart).

pasta @pastafossa: my jaw dropped when i saw pasta wanted to join. they contribute so much laughter, many great ideas, and the best advice to the server and we are thrilled they're here.

sybil @gracethyomen: brooke and i have spent several nights since the server started laughing in our apartment over something sybil has said. they are genuinely one of the funniest people ever.

shiori @shiorimakibawrites: shiori has blessed us with some of the best matt thoughts time and time again. like pasta, their name is so recognizable to me that i was genuinely shocked when they asked to join, but i'm so grateful they did!

bella @bellaxgiornata: you'll be sick of hearing this but i genuinely could not believe bella wanted to join the server. in my eyes, she is like the taylor swift of the daredevil fandom (and for clarity's sake, that is the highest compliment i can give). in the server she constantly has the best ideas and is always so supportive of everything we all write.

lindsay @shouldbestudying41: much like bella, this is someone who i very much look up to and respect in the daredevil community. having her in the server is a blessing and they are insanely good at time management- i'm incredibly amazed by their ability to juggle so much at one time!

we also have a couple without blogs; aspen and paris. they are good irl friends of mine who don't say much, but are a joy to have in the server anyway :)

divider on top by @sister-lucifer

tuna team art by @a-leg-without-fear

[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part nine (chapter 25) previous part • my masterlist

word count: 2.8k

content warnings: none!

Lily

Paige and the team left early yesterday morning for their game at Minnesota today. Travelling for game days, unfortunately, wasn't part of my job so Kayla, Madison, Hannah, Kelsey and I were all lounging on the couch, each tucked under a blanket, excitedly waiting for tip off.

After agreeing to go home with Paige for Thanksgiving, it was decided that I would travel there after classes finished tomorrow and Paige would pick me up from the airport. After Thanksgiving, Paige had to fly directly to the Cayman Islands for a tournament so I'd be flying back to campus alone.

Now the season had started, I had to get used to Paige being away more often, I didn't like it but it was inevitable and it just means that the time we do spend together is even more special.

"Are you all packed for Minnesota, Lils?" Madison asks me from her place at the end of the couch.

"Pretty much, just need to add the last few bits but I'll do that before I leave in the morning." I tell my roommate.

"I can't believe you're going home with your girlfriend for Thanksgiving break! Who would have thought it?" Kelsey says from beside me, leaning her head on my shoulder, "Single Sisters was extremely short lived." She laughs referring to the pact we made when we first met.

"I know! It feels weird but also right at the same time." I say thinking about my relationship with Paige and how it was never my intention to have a girlfriend again so soon but life and love works in mysterious ways and I'm so glad it worked out like this.

The conversation faded out as the game between UConn and Minnesota started and all of our attention was fully focused on the TV as familiar faces in white jerseys moved about the court.

Kayla had kindly offered to drive me to the airport to catch my flight and we had just arrived.

"Thank you for dropping me, K." I say as she pulls into departures parking.

"No worries, have a safe flight and enjoy Minnesota." She smiles her signature smile and I hug her over the console before getting out of the car.

After leaving Kayla, I immediately put my headphones on and shuffle my playlist. Controversially, I really like airports. I would always arrive earlier than necessary to ensure I didn't need to rush. I enjoyed picking out snacks for the journey and most of all, I loved knowing that I could be in my own world, listening to music, staring out of the window for the entirety of the upcoming flight.

After passing through security and buying my favourite snacks, Jolly Ranchers and Gold Fish, I just sat and patiently waited at my gate for boarding to begin.

hi pretty girl

have a safe flight, cant wait to see you

love you

hi p

boarding is just about to start

ive missed you so much

see you soon, i love you

I smiled at the text conversation between Paige and me. I felt extremely grateful for how my life had done a complete one eighty spin from a few months ago. I was happy, I had a beautiful girlfriend who loved me without reservations, I had genuine friends that supported me, I had a job that I adored and I wanted to be alive and stay alive. If I could go back at tell past Lily that, I know for a fact, she'd call bullshit.

The flight was quick, less than three hours and once we were up in the air it felt like we began our descent almost immediately.

I had collected my luggage, it wasn't big as I was only here for a few days, and was making my way through arrivals where Paige said she would be waiting.

"Oh my god." I say under my breath as Paige finally comes into view. She's stood a few feet away from me, looking as beautiful as ever. Her hair is down, tucked behind both ears and from the slight wave in it, I can tell it's been recently washed and left to dry naturally. She's dressed casually, in a grey tracksuit and Air Max 95s but it's the huge bouquet of flowers in her hand that has my jaw on the floor.

It takes a moment for Paige to register that I'm walking towards her but when she does, her face breaks out into a big grin and she takes the few strides needed to close the gap between us.

"Hi babe." I say melting into my girlfriends hug, taking in her scent that I've been deprived of the last few days.

"Hi my pretty girl. How was the flight?" Paige asks with me still in her arms.

"Super quick but I'm tired." I respond. Admittedly I'd not slept well the past few days, sleeping alone, without Paige wasn't something I was used to, so her being gone definitely felt foreign.

"You can sleep in the car. Oh and these are for you, obviously." She says handing me the bunch of flowers. They were a mix of pink and white dahlias with the odd stem of leaves, they were beautiful.

One thing about Paige, she was the best flower giver. She knew the perfect time to get them and every bouquet I've received from her and has been filled with the most pretty flowers.

Paige took my bags and I carried the flowers as I followed her to her car. She opened the passenger door for me before loading my bags into her trunk. I reached into the back seats and carefully placed my flowers down.

"Here." Paige said getting into the driver's seat handing me a blanket. Her blanket. Her favourite blanket that she slept with every night in Connecticut.

"Thank you." I say covering myself over and resting my head on the window. The blanket smelt like Paige and even though she wasn't, it felt like she was hugging me, it was comforting.

One of Paiges hands rests on my leg as the other steered the car as we began driving to her family home. My eyes fluttered shut, feeling safe and content and most of all loved beyond belief.

Paige

Having Lily here in the house I grew up in felt natural as soon as we stepped inside. My heart warmed watching her interact with my family, especially Drew.

They were currently stood side by side at the kitchen counter, sleeves rolled up to their elbows as they took it in turns pouring in various ingredients and mixing together the cake batter.

I kept my distance and just observed as the two most important people in my life bonded and got to know each other.

"Paigey actually ruined Thanksgiving last year." My little brother tells Lily and she laughs.

"Really? What did she do?"

"She said she was going to make the best cake ever and nobody was allowed to help and I didn't eat any candy all day because she said her cake was so good." Drew reminisced on last year, "And then we tried it and it was actually the worse cake ever! I had to spit it in the trash."

"Hey, it's not my fault I confused the sugar with salt." I interject, poking my brother in the side causing him to giggle and in turn fling his arms up to protect himself,  but as he does a dollop of cake batter flies off the spoon and lands on Lilys face.

Once Drew realises what he's done he quickly apologises to Lily but I can't hold back my laughter.

"It's OK Drew, no harm done." Lily says with a sweet smile but when her eyes flick to me, she's glaring intensely. "Funny, Bueckers?" She asks raising her brows.

"Just a bit, yeah." I say still giggling.

"Oh OK, so you won't mind if I just," she dips her hand into the batter mixture and before I can register what she's about to do, she smears it across my cheek, "do that."

As quick as my giggles stop, Lilys and Drews start and I'm too busy focused on Lily to notice Drew also dipping his hand into the mixture before wiping in down my arm.

"Oh I get it. It's two against one." I say slightly offended my own brother would choose Lily over me but at the same time loving it because them having a good relationship means a whole lot to me.

"Drew, I think we should run." Lily says being able to read my facial expression perfectly and both of them set off running away from me but I grab the full bowl and go after them.

"I'm literally an athlete, I'm going to catch you guys." I say as I follow them.

Drew is running at full speed whilst screaming and dodging pieces of furniture so he doesn't trip and Lily isn't far behind him, also dodging furniture but laughing so much it's slowing her down.

I change my tatic and go back on myself knowing that Drew and Lily will walk or...run into me and I'm right.

"Ha! Got you!" I triumph as Drew unknowingly runs right into my path and I scoop him up with one swift movement and with my hand already covered in cake mix, I swipe it across his face.

"Lily, save me!" Drew shouts in my arms and he kicks and wriggles his body trying to get me to release him.

Lily's by our side seconds later, "Don't worry, I've got you!" She reassures and lunges for the bowl picking up the spoon and flicking it in my direction, sending mixture straight into my face.

"OK that's it!" I say adjusting Drew so he's over my shoulder and I run full speed at Lily.

She lets out a screech but she can't move fast enough so I manage to hook my free arm around her waist, "Now everyone say Paige is the best." I say gripping onto both of them.

"Paige is the best." They both mummble knowing they've been beaten.

"And Paige always wins, she never loses." I try my luck.

"OK, that's pushing it P." Lily says and she manages to wriggle out of my grasp so I place Drew down too.

"Truce?" Lily asks out stretching her hand, "Truce." I reply shaking her hand and then my brothers.

We salvage what's left of the cake batter and pour it into a tin before it goes into the oven to bake.

"OK, go clean yourself up buddy." I say to Drew and point him in the direction of the bathroom before Lily and I start to tidy the kitchen.

"He really likes you, you know?" I say to Lily as she washes dishes at the sink and I wipe down the surfaces.

"I love him." Lily says and my heart bursts, "Being an only child, I feel like I missed out on something. I wish I had siblings to have these moments with."

"You can have these moments with us. My family is your family, Lils." I say going over and standing behind her, I wrap my arms around her waist and rest my head on her shoulder, "Thank you, P. I love you." She says spinning around so we're face to face.

“I love you." I lean in and press a kiss to her lips, "Although, you're slightly sticky." I say as I pull away.

I pick up a cloth, "Come here." I motion for Lily to come over to the kitchen island, she does and I lift her up onto the counter.

I gently wipe away any left over batter residue on Lilys face and from my place inbetween her legs, I'm taken back to the night in my bathroom after the frat party.

I think about how much Lily and I have been through since then and how much my love for her has grown and I can only hope it continues that way.

"What are you thinking about beautiful?" Lily asks cupping my face with her hands.

"You. Me. Us. How much I love you and want you in my life forever."

"You've got me Paige. In everyway." She says pulling me closer and crashing her lips to mine. My hands instinctively rest on her thighs and slowly make their way up to her waist. I feel her groan into my mouth at my touch so I deepen the kiss, making it needier, sloppier. Lily's legs are around my waist and her hands are in my hair and it's a feeling I want to bottle and save for later because I know my little brother will be back in the room at any moment.

I reluctantly pull away, "Drew will be back any second." I say and right on cue the boy walks back into the kitchen.

He looks at Lily and me and the way we're positioned, Lily still perched on the counter top and me inbetween her legs, hands on her thighs and his head tilts to one side and I know he's about to say something.

"Paigey, are you going to marry Lily and have babies?" He asks full of innocence but Lily and I almost choke.

"We're still really young right now buddy." I try and answer as diplomatically as possible.

"What about when you're bigger, like mom and dad?" He continues to push the topic.

"Well, don't tell anyone," Drew nods rapidly in agreement as I speak, "but if Lily will have me, I'll happily put a ring on it and make her a mommy." I say cheekily squeezing Lilys thigh, earning a shove from her.

"Your sister is one of a kind, you know that Drew?" Lily ask jumping off the counter.

"Uh huh." Drew agrees and I smile as we all make our way into the living room to inevitably watch another cheesy holiday movie.

Lily

Paiges dad and stepmom had filled the table with the most delicious looking and smelling food I'd even seen. Thanksgiving dinner was not like this back home in Boston, in fact if my mom could avoid cooking all together, she would. I spent a lot of Thanksgivings at Emmas house and Christmases too, as a family we weren't very festive but the Bueckers were the complete opposite.

Paige was sat inbetween Drew and me with their parents opposite us, we each had a small glass of wine - Drew excluded and Paiges dad, Bob raised his glass, "It's tradition that we say something we're thankful for before dinner. Lily, as our guest, would you like to start?"

I look to Paige, slightly put on the spot but I don't know why because I know what I'm thankful for. It's easy, I don't even need to think about it. Paige sends me a small smile and a quick nod and I pick up my glass, "I'm thankful for my life right now and everyone in it. A few months ago things were very different and it was hard for me to see an end to that but going to Connecticut, changed everything. It saved my life. I wanted a fresh start and I got that. I'm thankful for all of the beautiful friends I've made, I'm thankful for the opportunities I get everyday to learn and grow and I'm especially thankful to be sat here. I'm thankful for being welcomed in your family and home as if I've always been a part of it. It truly means the world to me."

Under the table, Paiges hand squeezes my thigh in support and she leans over pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"I think that deserves a toast," Paiges stepmom says and everyone raises their glass of wine, even Drew picks up his juice, "to Lilys fresh start. May she continue to grow and blossom."

We all clink our glasses together and I have to fight back tears.

"And let it be known," Bob says, "anyone who makes my daughter as happy as you is always welcome in this family."

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

[hdra77]

Hello, I just browsed your whole disarray AU tag and I think it's really cool. It's a little hard to tell what is it about but from what I can tell everyone is evil and corrupted for some reason (except for NSH?) There was an old ask talking about Pebbles and NSH's friendship, and I wanted to ask if you could tell more about that their friendship in this AU is like if you feel like it

Hello anon!! Thank you so much for taking your time to look into my au that means a lot to me!! 💗💗 sorry if some parts may be a bit confusing lol ive had pmvs planned to explain the plot better but thats been on the back burner for a while

To explain it simply, the triple affirmative occurred except that its something that could possibly make their kind turn on against each other.

Triple affirmative is a type of virus that spreads throughout the iterator's system and they would slowly rot on the inside as time passes. And the process is very very painful imagine your insides getting fried and there is nothing you can do about it but to lash out at others and infecting your kind in a desperate attempt to dull down the excruciating pain.

Basically this virus would just straight up kill them in the end it would keep on infecting their system until they shut down and collapse. Because of this others finds a way to search for the cure and some others accepts this fate.

Soo not everyone in the au are evil! Atleast for the first half of the plot.

All of the cast would have atleast one or two major flaws in them and it depends if you see their actions justified or just plain right evil.

Focusing on the early timeline where pebbles wasnt infected yet. If you noticed some of the pebbles asks recently the sign that this takes place before his corruption is his white eyes and sometimes seen with his golden irises!

Not exactly sure where im going with this lol but explaining more about pebbles and nsh's friendship:

Pebbles met sig through suns and he only grew to tolerate NSH because in his own perspective, taking in the false belief to see the image of his administrator infront of him instead of his friend is his way of coping from the abandonment of his creators. Which isnt..a good way to start a friendship if he only treated sig as a manifestation of someone else honestly

Slowly,but eventually sig managed to get pebbles to let him show him around outside his can and encouraging him to explore the places together and this was enough for pebbles to snap out of his delusion and see the iterator in front of him. NSH, the real him. not just a tool for him to cope with.

They became close, having a supportive friend that always pulls him out of his hole and encouraging him to have a more positive take in life despite the dying surroundings around them that makes it harder for pebbles to even believe that theres something beautiful in a world who wants to die. This is basically just a opportunistic friend and the pessimistic friend. NSH isnt always that opportunistic type of guy though, even after the ancients left the entire ecosystem in destruction he still finds beauty in things and he shows pebbles signs of life seeping through the cracks still finding its way back to reclaim the dying world.

Their friendship became more strained right after pebbles got in contact of his sister once again. Pebbles had become a lot more defensive and pushing others aside until his disappearance and the last time he had been in contact was with suns. This reason tear their friendship apart especially how sig suspects that suns had been keeping secrets from him and that they could even be involved in his disappearance.

So in an attempt to search for pebbles, sig sent hunter to investigate pebbles' superstructure. And it all goes from there

I may have gotten carried away like most of the time! But thats a simple explanation of how their friendship came to be! Friendship lore !! Hope this clears things up 💕 if you got any questions just ask me!

[yanderu-deredere]

line.

★ you and your friends accept the gracious invite a couple of strangers extended to you. they didn't seem all that bad and, in fact, you get a bit attached to them! they're really kind after all...

a/n: here's the second part. i'm writing this before ive published the first part so here's crossing my fingers, hoping that first part gets good reviews loool this should be published the day after so! hope i didnt make yall wait to long!

like i warned in the first part, these yanderes are inspired by slashers. the first part didn't include any violence but this part might. i'll include in the warnings if it does. please heed the warnings! thank you!

part one (hook.) ★ part two (here) ★ part three (sinker.) ★ part four (?)

pairing: casimir fiala x reader x emmaline fiala word count: 2393 warning: gender neutral reader, reader is attracted to males and females, readers friends suck even more, reader is kind of pervy in this one, final ship is poly

When the entire group finally entered the couple's house, you were met with a hallway entrance. Unlike the outside of the house, the inside was nice and well-maintained.

"Pretty sweet house." Dirk wolf whistled as he walked ahead and looked around, his bag slung behind his shoulder. Chloe giggled at him as if what he said was a joke. You honestly didn't understand.

Of course, Bran had to put his two cents. "Pretty sweet for a glorified security guard."

"Shut up, don't be rude." You couldn't help but defend the couple a little, a frown marring your lips as you watched Emm look curiously at her husband, only for Casimir to roll his eyes as if to say 'Don't get me started'

Before you could venture further into the home, you felt a rough shove from beside you. You tried your hardest not to fall over; not an easy feat considering the hefty pack on your back.

When you glanced at who shoved you, you weren't exactly surprised to see it was Kathy. She mouthed at you to shut up, probably annoyed that you were telling her boyfriend off.

She had a weird notion that only she was allowed to do that.

Rolling your eyes, you just gave a curt nod and went on your way, trying to stick close to the couple and avoiding your friends who were oddly striking nerve after nerve with you today.

You weren't surprised. After years of the four of them keeping you around to use you for their own bullshit, you had gotten tired of it and tried to distance yourself.

Why did you even let them talk you into going on this trip?

Maybe a part of you still felt some sort of friendship for them. After all, even though they'd been terrible to you, you were good friends with them for a long time and that wasn't something easily forgotten.

Call it stupidity or some misplaced sense of loyalty.

"Make yourselves at home." Emm gestured to everything before pointing to the stairs directly at the end of the hallway "The third floor's off limits 'cus that's where we're at but everything is on the second floor."

"There is two guest bedrooms there and a shared bathroom." Casimir elaborated as he hung up his rather drenched lab coat "Usually, we keep it for the in laws and close family. They stayed recently so the rooms should still be good and clean."

"Why would anyone want to visit here..." You spotted Chloe running her fingers along a table by the door with a bunch of knickknacks on it, frown evident on her face

Emm tossed her motorcycle keys Chloe's direction and she had to snatch her hand back just to prevent it from smacking the back of her hand.

"We're not allowed a lot'a vacation days so family have to visit us here if the wan'a spend time with us." Emm easily explained, shrugging as she hung up her motorcycle helmet before just unceremoniously placing her elbow pads right next to her keys.

You ignored how much that didn't make sense and opted to look into one of the door ways branching off of the hall way.

Dirk was right, though. Their house was pretty impressive for an abandoned little town.

It reminded you of those historical movies set in rural Georgia or something; a lot of wood furniture, with the open wooden beams in the ceiling, and a lot of family heirlooms cluttered everywhere.

The room you specifically looked into was a living room, complete with a fire place and a creepy looking mirror hung above it.

The couches at least looked nice but they also looked ancient, with the floral patterns looking like they came from someone's Grandma's linen closet.

"No windows?" Kathy walked up next to you, taking every step like she was about to walk into a trap.

You would've rolled your eyes if you didn't think she would've shoved you into the rather nice coffee table as retaliation.

You gestured to a rather large window to your left but she just scoffed at you "That's a door."

You walked closer to observe and were surprised to be proven correct. It was a door. You could see something like a garden through the gauzy curtain covering the panes of glass.

"The lack of windows make it a little gloomy in here." Bran appeared right next to Kathy, arms crossed as he pretended to shiver from how scared he was of the bad lighting.

Kathy just laughed but you shook your head.

As you turned around, the three of you were suddenly blinded with light and, though you couldn't say the same for Bran and Kathy, you definitely jumped a little.

At the entrance of the living room, Casimir stood, his hand on a light switch and a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"I am in charge of dinner, as I am every night. I was going to cook a rather nice scotch fillet for me and my wife. I have some extras I was going to save for later this week." He explained, drawing his hand away from the way to tuck it behind his back "Any allergies? And how would you like your steak cooked?"

"No allergies in the group." All the anxiety in Kathy's body seemed to evaporate at the thought of getting free dinner "And I love having my steak done medium well, thank you!"

"Well done for me." Bran grumbled out, not happy his girlfriend was so easily won over by a steak dinner

You, on the other hand, felt a little nervous accepting such a wonderful dinner invitation so you moved forward, dropping your bag next to the couch "Are you sure it's okay for you to cook us dinner?"

"It's late, the rain is predicted to keep up all night. I most certainly won't let my wife drive in the middle of the night even if it does stop." Casimir held out a hand as if to stop you from whatever you wanted to say "Let us at least do you this one favor. We don't get a lot of visitors after all and we're paid well enough by our jobs to afford feeding a bunch of strays."

When he said that, you saw his green eyes flicker for a second to Bran and there was some sort of irritation there but then it flickered back to you and all you could see was sweet politeness.

So, of course, you relented but not without compromise "At least let me help you prepare dinner."

Casimir seemed surprised by that but then he grinned "If you insist."

Then, his hand, which he had held up a second ago, raised even further to tuck a stray strand of your hair behind your ear, his fingers seemingly lingering for a bit longer "How about I get the ingredients ready and you change out of those sopping wet clothes?"

"It won't do either of us good if you get a cold now would it?" He added and you felt your ears get a little hot with embarrassment.

He was right, you were getting a bit ahead of yourself. You gave a quick nod. Scurrying back, you picked up your bag and made a move to go upstairs.

As you passed by Bran, he shouldered you a little and you heard him whisper to you, "Don't flirt with him, you fucking freak."

You felt your face fall but you quickly tried to compose yourself.

You honestly should've been used to it by now. Bran always decided to knock you down a peg at random moments like that but, still, it always took you off your guard.

Before you could get up the stairs, a gentle hand cupped your elbow and you turned, curious to see who stopped you.

"Hi, sorry, darl', just wanted to say that you'll have to stay in a spare bed on the third floor." Emm smiled gently at you, the picture of a kind hostess "I hope you don't mind."

You quickly shook your head, trying to calm the heat on your face and ears "Of course not! You're already helping us so much after all the trouble we've put you guys through!"

Then, you leaned close, pretending as if you were going to tell her some terrible secret "Don't tell Bran I said this but it was honestly stupid of him to try and go through here as a short cut to Lovelock."

When you pulled back, there was an expression on Emm's face that you couldn't exactly decipher. Before you couldn't really think about it though, it was gone and she was back to smiling at you.

"Yeah, there's been millions'a people like him for sure." Emm nodded, hand gliding up to your forearm as she guided you up the stairs, probably to where your room was "I always think the fine's too big for'em to try but there's always anoth'r dum'ass every week."

You giggled a little at her words but your brain felt a little dizzy at the feel of her hand around your arm, the way her palm almost wrapped entirely around it, how firm her grip was on you.

She was one tough looking lady.

"Your other two friends are a'ready in their rooms, d'now if you were lookin' for them." She informed you as the two of you passed that landing before embarking on the second set of stairs to the third floor.

"How come you guys have such a huge house?" You couldn't help but wonder, the curiosity getting the best of you.

"This used't be the house of some big shot at the Pharma back in the day, before the factory closed. Someone with a big family, I reckon." She shrugged as the two of you got to the final step on the stairs "The Pharma gave us reign to the entire village and we were movin' in with my brother and sister at the time so we jus' picked the biggest house. The oth'r choices were way smaller or just straight up apartments."

You nodded before feeling a little surprised to see that the third floor looked like a second living room. There was another set of couches, a coffee table, TV set and a door leading to what you presumed was the master bedroom.

"I hope a pullout is okay with you?" Emm smiled apologetically at you "It's really comfortable, I promise."

Without thinking much about it, you took her hand into yours and gave it a little shake "It's really fine, truly. Like I said before, you've been more than hospitable to us. This is so much more than what we should expect."

Her smile grew wide and she swooped in, giving you a tight hug "I'm so glad you think so! You'd fit right in here, y'know."

You laughed, hugging her back. You didn't know exactly what she meant by that but she was just so nice and kind that you accepted her words easily.

"Now, I think I heard you say you'd help Cas out with dinner." She pulled away, her hands rubbing up and down your shoulders for a second before she turned you towards the closed door you spotted earlier "Let me show you the bathroom."

"Oh, wait, isn't that--"

"It's fine!" Emm waved off your concerns as she practically dragged you along, opening the door and gesturing to the other door on the far side "That's the bathroom, by the way."

Then she let you go to rifle around her drawers for something.

You couldn't help but look around a little, curious about their master bedroom. It looked like any other bedroom, albeit a little too clean. Big bed in the middle, nightstand on either side, dresser for both him and her. There was another door you assumed was a closet.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing, I was just--" You were about to answer her except, when you turned to look at her, she was in the middle of taking off (or putting on?) her shirt and you panicked, your entire face feeling as hot as a kettle.

You turned around, squeaking out apology after apology as you scrambled into the bathroom, heart beating a mile a minute.

You locked the door and put down your bag, changing as fast as you could while trying to erase the image of Emm changing in your head. Still, you couldn't.

She was a married woman so you felt guilty but that didn't change the fact that she was very beautiful. Her body was built but curvy, pudgy but in a way where you could tell she had muscles underneath, with black and red tattoos swirling all over her tanned skin.

All you could remember was the lace of her black bra cupping her breasts, the way they were too big and seemed to overflow at the top of the cups.

Even her pants hung low, revealing the tops of her matching underwear and the hints of a tattoo on her wide hips.

You wanted to slap yourself.

She was a married woman! And she was being so gracious to you! Why were you lusting over her like some stupid high school kid? You idiot!

You tapped your head a few times as if you could tap the thought right out of your head before continuing with your changing.

When you exited with your bag, she was gone, probably weirded out by your staring. You sighed and just dropped your bag off at the couch right outside their bedroom.

Then, you walked downstairs. You wanted to check on Chloe and Dirk but, from the giggling right outside their room, you rather gouge your eyes out.

So, instead, you headed directly to the kitchen.

Casimir was already there, looking dressed and ready to cook. He had a different button up, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He also had an apron around his waist and his hair was tied in a messy bun high on his head.

There was something both domestic and handsome about the way he was dressed.

"Ah, my dear Igor, you've gotten dressed." He smirked as soon as he spotted you, his hand doing a couple of final flicks to roll up his last sleeve "There's an apron there, on the chair--"

You spotted it quickly and put it on, though you struggled a bit to tie it at the back.

Casimir chuckled a little, all deep and rich, before going behind you and helping you tie it.

"So, if I'm Igor, does that mean you're Dr. Frankenstein?" You tried to keep the silence at bay as he tied your apron and you rolled your sleeves up to your elbows.

He chuckled again "Of course. Though, hopefully, our cooking doesn't end up as convoluted as the Creature."

As he got ready at the kitchen counter, you couldn't help but turn a little meek "Uhm, by the way, did you see where Emm went?"

Casimir didn't spare you a glance as he set out a board and some vegetables out, probably for you to cut or dice "Oh, I think she went out to park her motorcycle? Probably so it doesn't rust in this downpour."

You frowned but took your place beside Casimir who seemed intent on peeling the potatoes as best as he could "When-- When she was uhm showing me the bathroom-- I uhm-- I accidentally-- you know-- I uhm--"

That's when Casimir finally stopped and peeked at you, his green eyes justas intimidating as when you first saw him out on that main road, by the factory.

"I a-accidentally saw her ch-changing." You squeaked, unable to keep your gaze on him

Instead of anger, Casimir suddenly clapped a hand on the back of your neck and pulled you close, that same deep and rumbling chuckle leaving his lips "Is that all? It's fine. If she had a problem with it, you wouldn't be with me, chopping up vegetables."

"O-Oh, okay!"

"She's taken quite a liking to you. I can tell." He continued to peel the potatoes, chucking the peeled ones in a bowl before gesturing to some broccolini and asparagus that needed trimming "Don't worry, if she had a problem with you, she will let you know."

"I'm sure she's told you but you'd be a good fit here, you know."

"Yeah, she said that." You started chopping the bottoms of the asparagus absentmindedly "What does that mean?"

"Just that we both really like you. Your friends take you for granted. You're a really great person." Casimir shrugged before bumping his hip against yours "Have you ever thought of settling here in Lovelock permanently?"

"Oh, I mean, there's not really anything waiting for me back at home other than a college degree." You laughed nervously before shrugging too "I don't know, I think it'd be nice but I'm-- I've never-- I don't know."

You could see Casimir look unsure for a second, like he was panicked and didn't know what to say, before he sighed "Sorry if I said something-- Or-- I'm not good with words or with feelings."

"But you have a place to stay with Emm and I if you ever need it."

You grinned at him, nodding "I really appreciate it! Thank you!"

When you looked up at him, there was a strange expression on his face. KInd of similar to that expression on Emm's face earlier. You chalked it to you just being weird. Instead, you focused on your asparagus, excited about the dinner coming.

[luvrbunni]

i was a loserboy a back in early college days. had a friend who was androgynous and transitioned midway thru freshman year that i was down bad for but he had a girlfriend. well she broke up with him when he came out cause she "wasn't interested in dating a dude." cut to us hanging out more, he said he was only interested in women and I respected that, but like, I was down atrocious. one night while just asking each other dumb questions while drinking I confessed to having not gotten past chaste kisses. he laughed and told me that was sad, I told him i knew, and he then told me we could fix that. i was so confused/excited i just let out a "huh?" and he just smirked and straddled me and kissed me. I immediately moaned and bucked against him as he grinded into me. my hands went along his sides down his binded to his hips and held him against me. we furiously made out for a bit and then he got up quickly and dropped his shorts while just saying "Off" so at the same time I scrambled to get my jeans past my legs before he grabbed my cock and while looking me in the eye slid me all the way end. ending with a very pleased MmmMMm before closing his eyes and just rocking back and forth. he took my hand down to play with his tdick while he continued slowly riding me and i sputtered that I was gonna cum already and he kissed me again as he sunk all the way down then we just kept making out as he rode me. I ended up cumming in him another time while he rode me, then we switched to missonary cause he got tired and I emptied another load in him.

thank you so much anon for gifting me with this beautiful novel.... this is like. my dream scenario. will be ill about this for days to come.

ive made a recent friend at art school whos like kind of a huge nerd and we've talked about all sorts of things. i ended up talking about an old bad relationship i had and he said something about being really happy to have met me. we've talked about past experiences, he mentioned never having been kissed before and got a little embarrassed (so cute). there were other things, soft lingering touches during lectures and leaning in a bit too close to talk to me than what's normally acceptable, we slept on each other on the bus back home a couple of times.. etc.

i am becoming maybe increasingly down bad for him and ngl this is only making me worse...

unfortunately we dont see each other as often anymore since we have different classes this semester but ugh... doesn't help that my type is like geeky nerdy guys😞

[ladymirdan]

I've had such an amazing day today.

I guess there is no secret that my interest in 40k has waned slightly recently.

I feel I get less and less comments on my posts/fics/art, despite getting a lot more followers (and with that, a lot more unhinged hate DMs) Ive started to feel like the hobby had lost that spark for me.

I've been into Warhammer for a loooong time.

I first got into the hobby (WH Fantasy) in 2003 and I was immediately hooked. I was blown away by how cool the worldbuilding was, but more importantly how friendly the community was.

My FLGS let me, a broke-ass student, sit and paint my army in store for literal hours on end. Always so happy to see me, despite me hardly ever buying anything. And let me tell you, I was a shy and awkward kid, and they always remembered my name and made me feel so welcome.

I haven't really engaged with Warhammer online until about a year and a half ago when I created my ao3 account. At first it seemed just as friendly as my offline experiences. But recently? I feel like I'm either ignored whenever I comment or try to interact with the community or worse, get told I suck or should go kill myself.

So I just felt it was time to maybe leave, (but I admit, the sunk cost makes it difficult) The only thing I really looked forward to was the minipainting classes I take once a week.

But today I got that magick feeling back. And remembered how much I love this hobby.

I went to my local GW for the new 10th edition 40k release. I’m a time pessimist as usual and arrived 1,5h early 😅 and found out there was only one other guy in line before me, but rather soon a bunch of other people showed up.

Everyone was sooo excited to be there and I made a bunch of new friends in line.

Then I got in and ordered my box (and I also managed to snag the special edition signed book that is a tie in with the box! That felt so much fun, I have never managed to get one of those before despite really trying).

I also got some of the new Death Guard Space Marine Heroes packs. A kid behind me in the queue also got some because he wanted a specific hero (that he unfortunately didn't get) I suggested I open my packs and see if I got one and then we could trade. I did get that model, and he was so excited and thankful, it really made my day since I didnt care that much for that particular model, but to him it was everything.

Everyone in the store was so hyped, and the mood was so great I didn't want to leave, so when I overheard some of the guys I hung out with in line ask if there was a mini of the month they could build, I tagged along.

The store staff was as amazing as always and brought out not only the mini of the month, but also three other models they still had in stock from previous months.

So I ended up building 4 minis in the store along with a bunch of other people.

I met a really nice couple that was pretty new to the hobby and they asked if I was excited for the new box because half of it was Ultramarines (I told them I love the Ultra boys, big chock 😅) but I explained that there was nothing Ultramarine specific in the box and one could paint them as any chapter they wanted.

And boy, they were amazed! They had no idea that all space marines are generic models and they were so curious about other chapters and I tried to explain that there was a chapter for pretty much anything and any colour.

The girl ended up really liking the Soul Drinkers and the guy was on the fence between Blood Angels and sticking to Ultramarines :D

So my advice to anyone else that feels like the hobby is toxic, or is tired of the “my army is soo much cooler then yours/everyone who likes this sucks”, please join the real world.

This hobby is soo amazing, and it is filled with so many happy, passionate people, all loving this weird little hobby.

Over 20+ years, a dozen or more game stores/clubs; I have never had a bad IRL experience with Warhammer. I really wish I could say the same thing about the online experience.

[bfwonho]

AITA but i dont wanna use reddit

ok you know what here is the situation. my (only recently) 20 yr old friend (i met them four years ago when we both worked at mcd) lived with their strict, emotionally abusive, overprotective parents until recently. their parents would confiscate tech for yrs at a time, wouldn't let them get vaccinated (i had to help them do that), guilt and shame them, etc. also obviously homophobic and my friend is transfem nb and queer. theyre also the eldest sibling of quite a few and had to handle the pressure of that responsibility and their parents never wanted them to do normal things like getting a car and moving out. i was always there encouraging them even when we stopped working together bc i was like fuck this naive gullible homeschooled kid has no one and they remind me of my younger sibling and im gonna be there for them as much as i can. the only reason they even got a car eventually is cus i kept telling them to so they cld move out

cut back to barely a year ago, they're still so naive and gullible they've lent like 1k+ to ppl who won't pay them back, but they still have like 10-20k in savings and now their own car. they also get into digital art with my help and get into furry porn or whatever. im like ok i guess ur an adult now do what u want. and then theyre like "ive got an online partner from CANADA!!! (we r australian) don't freak out i know it's bad but he's 30." i'm like oh god. they've been together 3 months ish and my friend RLY wants to visit their fuckass boyfriend and i'm like please be careful, please wait at least a year, i know u wont wanna listen to how i rly feel about this but at least just take these precautions. i'm also like when you do meet irl he should come here ur barely 19 and he's 30 like it only makes sense. and theyre like "thank u i promise i will do that"

and then maybe 10 or 11 months into their relationship i find out my friend is in canada with their bf, and has been for like a month, and i only know this bc they're asking if i can pick them up from sydney airport. im like errr that's pretty far away but take the train and i'll pick you up from the station and they're like ok sure! and i ask a bit more about it and find out they believe their parents have been hacking into their laptop because why else would they be suspicious that this canadian guy is their boyfriend, i'm like actually no offense but it's really fucking obvious i don't think they did that... and they're like "yeah anyway my parents are no longer picking me up which is why i need a lift, i admitted i have a boyfriend and they're calling him a pedo (and i almost agree but i just smile and nod) and so i'm not going back and taking their bs anymore, i'm gonna sleep in my car if i have to" so i offer for them to stay at my place for a few weeks.

they go get their stuff from their place, i buy them a pizza cus they havent had dinner, i help them get their stuff inside, set up a temporary bed. they tell me they plan to be out within a few days, i tell them they can stay longer if they need to, but currently their only job is doordash and they should focus on getting a real job so they can find a place and i'm more than happy to help them find somewhere. theyre the type of person to say sorry for everything and not let themselves ever feel comfortable, so i make sure they know they can use the kitchen and bathroom and everything while they're here and to not feel like a huge burden, im gonna be charging them a tiny bit of rent anyway so yeah.

now tell me why it's been over a month, they've applied to only a few places, i specifically put in a good word with them at my job and told them to call back and ask about the application and they just haven't, they've just been doordashing and filling my entire fridge and cupboard with their food, i tell them to use the laundromat cus we don't have enough space for their washing too and they end up asking if they can use our washing machine anyway (i reluctantly say yes), they destroy all my kitchen sponges on washing this one shitty pan i have cus they have to cook an entire grand meal from scratch for breakfast lunch and dinner, they wash up but i'm the only person who cleans the floors and the bathroom so now i'm feeling cramped and stressed out...

i ask my mum about what to do, she says give them 2 weeks to move out, my mum is a guarantor on my lease so in the group chat i explain the situation and say they have 2 weeks, they NEVER RESPOND and start not coming home until late at night... i'm considering moving into another place with a friend atp so i'm like yo maybe you can get on this lease and THEN they respond and start showing up again... and today i called and updated mum on the situation and her partner got on the phone, me and my sibling only got this place cus he apparently called in a favour cus we were rly struggling to find any fucking housing, and so he says "tell him i mean THEMMM if theyre not out tomorrow i will forcibly remove them" and so my sibling makes sure to tell them this face to face so they cant avoid actually responding. i also find out today that this whole time they've been flat broke (to the point they had to borrow my money just to get petrol despite doordashing like 40 hours a week) because they HAVE BEEN HELPING. PAY. THEIR GROWN ASS. SHITTY FUCKING USELESS. PARTNERS. RENT. THIS GROWN ASS MAN NOT ONLY HAD THEM PAY TO GO SEE HIM AND SUCK HIM OFF AND COOK FOR HIM. NOT ONLY WAS LETTING THEM GO BACK TO AUSTRALIA AND JUST BE HOMELESS. BUT HE IS ACTIVELY TAKING THEIR FUCKING MONEY. despite all of this i am deep down INCREDIBLY GLAD that my mum's partner put his foot down to get them out of my house and i feel guilty about it despite risking eviction cus im breaking my lease agreement by having them here loooll

tldr my 20 yr old friend has been living in my house illegally for over a month bc they refuse to go back to their shitty parents, they are however broke and don't have a stable job and their 30 yr old boyfriend is leeching off of them, and now i'm essentially kicking them out of my place within 2 days because my own housing security is at risk

[bulletproofscales]

Hey there, hope you’re well! Love your work, it’s amazing. Hope you don’t mind me asking, but was really interested in how you started writing BTS wg fics and which member of youe favourite to write about? always love your work and excited for whatever comes next :)

omg hiii!! ⸜( *ˊᵕˋ* )⸝ first of all, thank you soso much for the support?!!?!? it always makes me happy to see likes/reblogs/ao3 comments from blogs i recognize (ಥ﹏ಥ) and this ask,,, youre making my day.

i got inot a ramble so ill put one of these hehe sorry (ง ื▿ ื)ว

i dont mind the question at all!! even if i was a deep lurker in feedism communities of most of my fandoms. looking "chubby draco malfoy " into google images since 2012 (￣▽￣*)ゞ and later religiously following wg-writers of whatever fandom i migrated through. i would always send so many asks, and when i got into BTS i was older, and properly aware of what feedism was, and actively looking for it on tumblr. back then it was a handful of people with now deactivated blogs and @bangtanstummies (who as im writing this blog see has a deactivated blog as well :,) , i swear going through my dms is like going through a cementary) . i try to stay in touch with as many of the people now as i can!! but everyone will know im the suckiest at texts (@cookiesuga55 will know ) but id love to chat more and be more present

anyway back to the community in 2018, i really loved their stuff, and i felt like there was still room to add new ideas (which was hard in a fandom with as much fanficiton as BTS's) , thats what inspired to make my blog!! back then it was claled bangtangchub, and i didnt know how to activate my asks, bangtanstummies was the one to let me know and we even got into a discord all of us together!!! crazy times ( ◡‿◡ *) i remember being the oldest of the group👴 i was 15 at the time, some coudl argue it wasn't my place to be writing fetish fanfiction, maybe theyre right. but i found such a happy place in my fics. not only have i met some of my closest friends through here; (people ive met in real life!?!? ) but its helped me so much to find a safe place to explore my emotions, sexuality, and craft a hobby that was all my own. i dont think im that good of a writer, but i am really so proud of having stuck to something for so long, and having worked on it all by myself.

often times i feel like i lack the motivation to do anything with my life, and just all-around consider myself someone who lacks the strength and backbone to really do hard things. and i like to think of this blog, and my journey in it, as a place that proof i can... idk,, be good at things i worked hard on.

ANYWAY!! that was a long rant. As for the character i like writing the most about!! welli role play as jungkook almost daily! so i do feel a lot of myself in him. but i love writing all characters, over the years i really made an effort to not fall into a comfortable ship, because i really do think you could spin a wheel and whatever combination of bts members ahs their own unique loving dynamic.

as for things to come!! im working on a fic inspired by some art i saw recently by @gigichingado , jikook, im really liking how its turning out, and ofc because its me, its stretching out more and more in the build up ( _ _ ") . but i want it done over this week!! ps, i saw your obese tae requests, and i can definetly get something out after that (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

thank you for asking and giving me a place to rant!!

[giggly-squiggily]

haiii!! little life update then some suna headcanons cuz i feel like it ^^ i had my first sleepover last night and it was so so fun, with my best friend and her 2 best friends ive talked to but had never met before. they were so welcoming n nice, they're the best <3

i've recently been gaining a small audience on tiktok for my art! feels super good to be appreciated by the art community :)

i'm also finding my style more! trying to accept that it's ok to not only have one style, and, as a nonbinary/trans masculine, that long hair too can be masculine. (desperately want to grow my hair out but so scared to be seen as more girly😣)

nowwww for suna!! i feel like he'd have like a little cousin or smth that's really quiet and he'd be super close w them. they have the type of relationship where it takes 30 mins to warm up at family gatherings n stuff but he loves them so dearly (this may be possibly reflecting off of myself and my wishes for an older role model to be friends w but never had ((i'm the oldest cousin)) so don't mind me🙈) and i feel like they'd do art and stuff together or go skating. he'd be the type to welcome them into his home if they're going through sum at their home. 😋

that's all!! i hope all is going well for you! don't know about you but i'm kinda excited for the colder weather to start, i love baggy clothes so it's pretty nice to curl up in a big ass t shirt and blanket n watch anime or play video games for a while.

Friend!!! :D I'm beyond happy to hear from you! :D That's freaking awesome you had your first sleepover! I'm glad you had a great time, and you met some really lovely people too!

Ahhh yeah!!! Look at you go on Tiktok! :D I'm glad you're getting appreciated by the community, and I'm thrilled to bits your art is being recognized! Keep on drawing and having fun!

That's really cool you're finding your style too! Having more than one style is totally valid, as is having long hair while identifying as non-binary/trans masc. Your choice on how to wear your hair or present yourself doesn't invalidate your identity. You are you, and you're amazing, worthy and enough. Anyone who says otherwise can go sit in syrup! Let the bees get them :3

OOOH THOSE SUNA HEADCANONS! That's so sweet- him being the family member his more reserved family member is close to! He's so chill and comforting; not necessarily doting on them but the one who sends funny videos to them at the most wild of hours. Like you said, he'd take them out for skating or mall trips- offer them a place to stay if things get messy. I like to think when he goes to college they still stay in touch; face timing every week and making plans to meet during breaks. He's just such a good guy!

Oh friend I am THRIVING in this chill! Sure, my fingers are frozen, and it's terrible to wash my hair in this weather (My hot water broke ToT As is life) but I love baggy hoodies and socks- hot drinks and my pets all cuddled up in bed with me (even if they take up the entire bed). The chilled out vibes of just curling up with our favorite game or show is just perfection! I hope you're doing alright friend!

Thanks for sharing friend! This made me smile like crazy reading it! I hope you have an amazing day!

[heyyallitsbeth]

Trigger warning for self harm, eating disorder and suicide references Okay I've seen some serious stuff an uncomfortable amount in the past few weeks so i need to talk about this. A lot of men have been opening up about loneliness and this recent exposure of it has been called the "male loneliness epidemic". and ive seen a concerning amount of people talking about how its just men making themselves victims, or how theyre just incels. And guys. Guys.

Men can be victims of toxic masculinity.

The facts are, men are far more likely to commit suicide than women, as well as develop drug addictions and alcoholism. Men on average also have smaller friend groups than women. And this all stems from toxic masculinity, bottling up emotions, not being able to open yourself up to others, to make those connections and develop healthy coping mechanisms. People end up turning to drugs and self harm as a result, since they think nobody will care. And why wouldnt they think that? Society has drilled it into their heads since birth. Men are always told to tough it out, to suck it up, that tears are weakness, that boys dont cry.

I'm a trans woman, I remember distinctly all of these phrases repeated by adults, teachers, parents, friends. It's especially worse in western society like the UK and US where physical affection like hugs are far more uncommon, especially for men. I first experienced depression when i was in middle school. And despite trying to talk to parents and counselors, my condition wasn't taken seriously until I eventually had a full breakdown and passed out from not eating in highschool. Personally, I am very lucky. Two friends were able to saved me from a suicide attempt by calling me and talking me down in time. And I only reconnected with that friend due to my transition. We were able to reconcile about arguments in the past and moved forward becoming good friends. The other friend I only met because of my transition. My friend group grew when I was a girl, it was easier to be open and honest. If I was in the same spot only a few years prior, I would have been dead.

And people are making fun of these guys for opening up like this now, saying everyone is lonely, that its not a uniquely male experience. Like you do realize you are QUITE LITERALLY proving to them what they've feared, that nobody cares. And people are always saying "oh this is a trend why is this the first time people are talking about this". Maybe its because we just went through a period of isolation and that time locked in their rooms caused a spiral of depression that made them reflect on their lives? Maybe because as a whole we are experiencing a mental health crisis worldwide? Maybe because through the modern internet we've never been more connected than now?

Yes men have privileges, that doesnt mean that they dont struggle and have issues too. Their opportunities and privileges do not negate their struggles. Toxic systems hurt everyone.

Personally, I'm now doing better, although sometimes I do slip into that deep depression, but I have better ways of fighting it now. And I'm lucky to have some friends who I know truly do care, as well as a loving partner. And while they dont follow me on tumblr, I just wanted to say, Thank You to Evan and Shi.

[wardsbackpoet]

THE MUSIC YOU HAVE IN TWEEKS PLAYLIST IS SO 🤭🤭🤭 LIKE IVE NEVER MET ANYONE THAT KNEW BLOOD FOR BLOOD

I honestly don't remember when I discovered Blood for Blood, but I think I might have my former boss (he'd get annoyed and say he wasn't my 'boss' 'cause he doesn't like 'bosses and never wanted to have nor be one; For context, he wasn't really my boss, I was self-employed, but working at his tattoo shop) / fill-in father-figure for a bit, a longtime friend of mine, to thank for that. That man is honestly 100% self-made and has an ethic and ethos I can really look up to and respect. We're also both into Madball, and I recently went to one of their shows. He couldn't go, due to ongoing cancer treatments.

Me and another friend of my former boss (actually, the co-owner of that shop I was working at), spoke with the band, got them all to sign a shirt for him and we brought it to his house the next day. He was super touched. Great group. We'd only asked one band member to sign as the rest were busy packing up gear, and he suggested he could go and get the rest to add their autographs, we were super grateful.

Also, I 100% get that frustration of never meeting anyone who likes/knows what you like and know. When I was a teen, the definition of 'hardcore' had slipped, and to me, it was still bands like Blood for Blood, Madball, Biohazard, Agnostic Front, Fugazi originating from the movement started by 7 Seeconds, Minor Threat, Black Flag, Sick of it All, etc. I saw Terror (which I like) as like, the band bridging how I defined hardcore to how kids of my generation defined it.

To the kids around me, it was this stuf with like, a lot of 'Woah-oh-oohs', in the midst of screaming. My whole view of it was 'it's a'ight, but that's not my scene', and I was often disappointed (and eventually disillusioned) when kids were like, "oh, I like hardcore too!". Over the years, my follow-up question changed from an enthusiastic "Oh awesome! Wanna go to a show? Wanna obsess about this Bad Brains album with me" to a bored, "Oh yeah? So like, what bands?" To which I'd hear Stick to your guns, Underoath, Silverstein or whatever else was popular at that time.

I ran into the same problem with kids saying they liked punk too. They weren't talking about Discharge or Subhumans, or Thulsa Doom, or Conflict, Descendants or NOFX. They meant The Used and Blink182, Rise Against and whatnot. I was utterly confused and felt born 20 years too late for real.

I was just...well, I longed for a more precise vocabulary to become more widely-used so I'd stop getting my hopes up/getting frustrated about the fact we really weren't talking about the same thing. I was a teenaged musical elitist, yup. A real fuckin' snob. I'm more open-minded today but it was disappointing and disheartening, only really finding like-minded musical peers among people at least a decade older than I was.

So, in contrast, meeting people who actually liked what I liked was always so exciting and felt really validating at a time when I felt as though there was always a barrier to being understood by my peers, and to connecting with them on a less than superficial level.

You didn't ask for that full analysis and I regret having overthought and rambled, but I typed it so you're getting it, I guess. Sorry?

& Thanks for reading the fic & I promise to update soon. Life's just been kicking my ass recently but it's okay, 'cause I just remembered I can kick back.

Also, I just realized maybe I rambled so much because the upcoming chapter explores some of those themes with Tweek finding it hard to find common ground with kids his age as well. So, maybe?

Anyways. THANKS FOR READING IT AND BEING PATIENT ON UPDATES.

& HMU if ever you wanna chat music or whatever else.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

pinkmoonmutual i think i have come to u about my adoring fixations on older men before. I woke up from a dream where I was hanging out with this guy I really like and it was so wonderful and perfect and exactly what I want from him....a very nice dream to have, and it fits into what ive been working on recently which is human relationships and figuring out what I want and how to have it... its difficult for me because I love people SO MUCH often after a very short amount of time, this is especially true of older people because I crave sibling affection I didn't get growing up but it happens with people my own age too. and ah idk I'm never sure how to express it to people because love and intensity are things most people only want and expect from romantic attraction. and I'm not opposed to that but especially with older men this becomes difficult because the people I love are not interested in dating people 10 years younger than them and really it would be inappropriate (this guy was my professor! not gonna happen!) and i just end up feeling really creepy and weird and not knowing what to do with this huge adoration and affection inside me. so tricky I really wish you could just be /in love/ with someone and tell them and have them see it as a nice thing and not me trying to get sex or romantic commitment from them. i wish i was a little dog so i could just curl up at his feet and have it be simple. guuuuhhhhhhhh honestly i just wanted to tell you about my crush. I only knew this guy for like a month and a half so its a bit silly but hes so pretty and smart and cool and really inspired me to live and pushed me in the direction im currently going. its just tricky tricky im probably over complicating it but do you think there's more to love than the relationships that people in our world expect? I love people like theyre a god TT .. even talking about it here feels vapid compared to how it is for me. anyway nice dream thanks universe and i hope the pinkmoonworld is nice today <3

i understand u <3 it is a vary nice day in pinkmoonworld thanku for the wish~~~i know this dilemma tho sigh , my thoughts below..

i always felt like my admiration of people was extreme & consuming , i still do to a certain extent its a big part of the reason WHY i became a bit withdrawn like i struggle w how attached i get to others. i dont want to ask for anything in return but i feel shame when people find me creepy lol. And even then, that shame isnt rly the reason i've become untrusting with my heart, cold ppl r the least of my worries, i understand them.. moreso it's dangerous for me when i encounter someone who recognizes i am This Way & instead of being plainly disinterested or aloof they consciously decide to Use my affections in a sinister manner for their own advantage. that's what's mainly caused me to bcome distant even tho i want to love those ppl too.

so despite distance i still need some outlet for these loveful feelings so i guess i've spent the past 5-ish years working on ways to be overly compassionate in a safer manner.. And a big part of that is that i rly find the purest form of love to be platonic love, when theres not really any expectations or prize for being close to someone yet u still are, that kind of love speaks the deepest to me. and it's funny because really shortly after i surrendered my quest for romantic love, like completely surrendered , is when i met SLIMBO, and thru my efforts to be a really good friend to them we ended up falling sooooooo deeply sincerely in love like nothing i;ve ever known. if we had rushed into a relationship idk if it wld be the same , like having it slowly blossom over the course of a few years w no pressure, it's the foundation upon which we could be SO deeply sure we would always be together.

So the way u speak of loving ur crush, i'd say, just continue to act kindly towards him and everyone else u encounter, with no expectations of them.. people really need this like i think everyone needs to know what it feels like to experience a True Friend a selfless friend. it's rare! i rarely meet anyone who i feel doesn't want *something* from me that i cant give them. and i dont even want to hold that against them! im just saying, what U feel is rare so u should embrace it. allow yourself to exude love as much as u can and that frequency will return to u, just like how it did for me and slimbo...And other friends ive made along the way ^_^ Follow you heart.. maybe he's older but who knows what could happen. i've dated ppl 10 years older than me cus i have always acted like grandpa. sometimes ppl will just see u for ur soul.

and maybe ur dream is pointing u in a right direction, idk, i confessed my love to slimbo a few days after having a dream that we held hands. Ofc we had been friends for 2 years by this point so the time felt right, not every dreams mean u should confess, but i feel like having a sweet dream such as that can be a sort of telepathic experience sometimes.. show a connection between you and him on the astral plane. Take time to enjoy life n enjoy having a crush too cus it can be really fun to feel that crazy over someone :] thats my thoughts.....good luck with your heart, PMD9 out !

[femmefatalevibe]

hello! ive gone through some of your posts and i gotta say, you give pretty solid advice. i hope your own life is also going as smoothly as the advice giving! ❤

i was wondering if i could ask your opinion, as much as you can offer it to a stranger from the internet.... i know its not easy to give meaningful advice on complicated matters to total strangers.

im 29, i have a very good degree and a decent job, i am not more insane or annoying than an average person and i look just fine. i do however have a problem finding a long term partner. ive been working very hard at uni/later as an intern so it didnt leave much time for a rich social life and lot of dating. i also had the misfortune of spending several years in a very unhealthy relationship when i was about 20, young and stupid. several years of determined singleness followed immediatelly after that.

so now that im old and less stupid, ive tried dating apps, ive tried going out for drinks with acquaintances but never more than 2 or 3 times with the same guy. i do have high standards... and im a smart independent woman which im told is not extremely popular with men. anyway.

i recently met a guy 1 year younger than me who works in the same profession but is only just starting, in contrast to me being a bit of a bitter old veteran. ive been kind to him as one is to new people, and hes been slightly smitten with me as a result, if i dare guess so. we went out for drinks a few times, he seems sweet, kind and doesnt harbor any extremist political beliefs (its important to me not to date fascist-sympathisers). thats all very nice but unfortunately he doesnt exactly look very attractive to me. i feel good around him bc he is kind and lovely but i think i have too much edge and that he couldnt handle my darker sides (lots of cynism, LOTS) bc he is sich a sweet summer child. and i also feel that i havent yet lived wildly and slept around and experienced all the instant gratification options life has to offer, definitelly not enough to just drop everything and consider a serious relationship with someone who doesnt feel like ive won the dating lottery (its bc of certain personal problems hes told me of having, and its bc of the looks. im an impossibly visually-oriented person. and shallow.)

so i am very tempted to slowly explore this and the options it could offer (for example a serious relationship) but i also feel like i might be setting myself up for failure and him for a lot of heartbreak. whatever should i do?

until now ive only ever continued dating people i was really attracted to... sometimes despite their dubious political beliefs. so actually this might be the new strategy that would yield positive results, dating someone for their impeccable moral standards and kindness rather than a pronounced jawline. (am i, deep down, really that shallow?)

this got long and tedious, i wont blame you if you chuck it in the bin instead of reading and answering. maybe all i needed was to write it out. might need to use my journal bit more often.

thank you for your time and efforts in any case. take care!💕

Hi love! Thanks for your kind words and support. Firstly, from how you describe yourself, I could totally see us being friends – we seem to have similar beliefs, values, and priorities when it dating comes to dating (no fascists allowed, career-oriented, endless cynicism, and making a pronounced jawline a top criterion of a date night lol).

Here's my take – given the information you so kindly and vulnerably shared with me:

If you're still single, there's no reason to make the prospect of dating (generally or casually dating a specific person) into a black-and-white experience. You can casually date as many people as you would like until you mutually decide to be exclusive with someone. Think of dating as a networking experience: It's a chance to meet and connect with various types of people. They can become (business or pleasure, in this case) partners, friends, acquaintances, or connectors to others who will soon become members of your close inner circle (maybe even a further partner or spouse – who knows!).

You can decide to date different people for different reasons. Sometimes, you just want good conversation and decide later that you're better off as friends. Exploring the emotional intimacy aspect of a relationship with someone of the gender you're attracted to can teach you a lot about yourself and the type of partner you ultimately want to end up with – even if you don't ever kiss, let alone sleep together. Just make sure, in this case, to share that you only have a platonic connection with him before he gets too invested. Being selfish when dating is essential, but never be cruel and lead people on.

Suppose you want to see where this connection goes, without commitment. In that case, you can always indulge in casual sex with others you are physically attracted to and only go on dates with this man in a more casual dating/companionship way.

I don't think it is shallow to not want to date someone you're not physically/sexually attracted to. Unfortunately, in our current society, you wouldn't even need to question this if you were a man. There are plenty of people we really like and are emotionally attracted to in this life but have no sexual feelings towards – we call them friends.

While it could take some time to find a partner with who you're compatible in every major area, consider how much longer this process would take if you settle with men you have no true interest in before you inevitably break up with them because you're unhappy in the relationship? Staying single until your values align and mutually want rip each others' clothes off every time you see each other in the beginning stages of dating is the best strategy – in my opinion at least. It is better to be technically alone than lonely in a committed relationship. You deserve nothing but the best. Never settle for less. Keep your standards high to maintain your most valuable assets: Your happiness, success, and peace of mind.

Hope this helps xx

[marijanetunes]

my goal for when i turn 27 is to be so unbelievably strange.

i’ve recently become aware of the crushing amount of shame i’ve started carrying since 2020. it was brought on by a multitude of things— i gained a lot of weight, i lost my job and was out of work for two and a half years, all my friends got married meanwhile ive never dated anyone, and most pertinently i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2022 which made me look back on my past actions and realize just how disastrous it all was. i always knew something was quote unquote wrong with me, but i had also internalized the idea that i was either below the threshold of genuine mental illness or reallly high functioning. and i mean i guess to some levels i was “high functioning”— i never attempted suicide no matter how badly i wanted to, i never spent any time in hospital no matter how much i needed help, and i knew well enough to keep my mouth shut when i was actively psychotic. i also had a drinking problem and a hair trigger temper, i felt everything too deeply and expressed those feelings impulsively, i alternated between demanding bottomless intimacy from my loved ones and shoving them away when it was no longer serving my need for intensity. i never learned how to act so even when i was euthymic i was unstable. when i told my close friends about my diagnosis part of me wanted/expected them yo be surprised but the reaction was just like, “thank god”. and that combined with the fact i was “failing” in so many other areas made me so self conscious and determined to be normal. people who met me post diagnosis have a completely different view of me— honestly the best thing they had to say about me was that i’m “nice” or “agreeable”. i stopped engaging with art because i was so afraid of doing it wrong (whether as a viewer or a participant) or talking too much about it and revealing the fact that i’m crazy. i withdrew into myself and just wanted to remain comfortable, to have people like me.

but heres the thing. when i was unmedicated and insane, people didn’t just like me, they were obsessed with me. my bonds were intimate, i had love at first sight connections, i was Known. i was exposed to the world and i could experience the true joy of that. i wanted to die more often than necessary but when i was having fun, i was having fucking fun.

and thats really scary because like, when you’re living that boldly you embarrass yourself so much. and for the last four, going on five years thought i was already so inherently embarrassing that adding any more would make me completely inhuman. but i now realize i was only living half a life. and whats more, now that i’m not allocatinng so much mental energy to not exploding and dying, i can actually create art!! i’ve never really done that before!! and it does feel very embarrassing to be bad at art when i’m pushing 30!! but i will never create good art if i don’t create bad art. and i want to create, i want to experience, for the love of god i want to live.

mierle ukeles’ manifesto made such an impact on me as well. i need to cultivate my life and death instincts both. i spent too long with no instincts at all. i am going to deep clean my apartment on the long weekend so that i can start on my clay figurines. i am going to tell my best friend i love her and borrow her sewing machine. i am going to fix my budget so i can pay for my guitar lessons. i am going to live like an animal and one day i’ll die like an animal. its embarrassing to pretend i was ever doing anything else.