#and tbh with the nature of this site i understand it will be Difficult. but i can persevere. i can continue going.

[03petition]

I havent really seen any postal related rps like ever and it got me curious to if you have an interaction wish list, like characters youd wanna interact with

WUGHH.. OK SO. dont even get me fucking STARTED

Not Important (notim)/ the antagonist from HATRED the game sucks absolute shit. worse than postal by a fucking longshot. so i dont expect anyone to write him but hes absolutely up there on my muse wish list.. hes such a pathetic shithead and i want to slam him against dude.. maybe p1 dude.. with FERVOR.

duke nukem self explanatory

literally any character from the yakuza series i used to write majima, im up to date to like a dragon/7.. and with the majima pirate game being announced recently its been on my mind..

ANY POSTAL DUDE VARIATION... yes any.. i fucking love doubles... p1? p2? bd?? OTHER DUDE from bd?!?!?! p3??!?!? p4?!?! postal doe??? come here ill kiss you with tongue

ANY SAW CHARACTER!!! also i absolutely love saw. idk if theres anyone out there who writes any of the jigsaw apprentices but i have soft spots for mandy and mark. though also the idea of having dude interact with strahm is really funny to me. dude deserves to be put in an unwinnable jigsaw trap. john would probably fucking hate him lol

vaas montenegro from far cry 3 (sorry)

james earl cash from manhunt (sorry again)

literally any horror/dark original character. give me your freaks, weirdos, creeps, etc. now.

tldr i love the worst type of guy/gal/grunglo/creep/etc. they would mash together either super super well or horrendously and regardless, shit would go down. and thats what i live for <3

[david-goldrock]

So, last night, me and my mom were talking about the I/P conflict and we started getting on the topic of antisemitism and she had some very interesting thoughts!

But I had said “Why do people say things like Jews are behind everything in the media? Why them specifically? Where did that come from?”

And she said her theory was “Well, since they experienced so much hatred and violence and persecution their entire lives, they became more secretive and reserved. Due to that, people started finding them weird and almost creepy, like they were conspiring, leading to them believing they are doing crazy shit, like being behind the media.”

And it really got me thinking. Why has it always been Jews? Why have Jews always, since the dawn of humanity, been the ones who have experienced so much hate and persecution?

Why then specifically. Like, why anyone, really. But the Jews just feel like such a specific group to target and hate. I know there’s a biblical explanation behind it, but I mean within history. Why has everyone hated them?

Why?

I can’t understand this. 

The more I think about how horrible it is, the sadder I get. Hell, I’m kind of tearing up as of writing this because the thought is just horrible. 

Like, you and Morgana and Shine and every other lovely Jew I have met on this site are so kind and wonderful people. I can’t understand why people, amazing and wonderful people like you guys, could be hated and abused for centuries for simply existing. 

It’s horrible…

DISCLAIMER: I do not know enough about the subject, only a couple of articles, and a few classes in high school. this is not a replacement for studying, this is only what I know

tbh the answer is, sadly, Christianity, Islam, Nazism and the protocols.

let's start with Islam as it is simpler there: the Quran tells Muslims to kill all jews, to make everyone Muslim, and that judgement day will not come until the jews are dead. we were dhimmi (second class citizens) for the better part of the last millennia and a half, and jews lived in extreme conditions there.

Now the christian world. your mother is partially right, it has some to do with the separatist nature of jews: after the diaspora began (and even a bit before, when the unrest in Israel grew in the second temple period), judaism got even more separatist than it already was: no marrying outside the faith, stay in the community, you need so-and-so jews to do this and that and so forward. this led to jews living separately from the other people around them, which made them suspicious, this is probably the main reason that even after the fall of fundamental christianity, jews are still hunted in the modern world. that said, the tools and traditions of antisemitism are older, and are still in use

First, in the early days of christianity, it was common in catholic thinking that jews are collectively responsible for the death of Jesus of Nazareth, and that they should be punished for that sin.

Moreover, the Catholic Church has forbidden christians from handling money, and forbade jews from owning land (which is pretty difficult for being a farmer), while the jews had an extremely high literacy average compared to the rest of Europe (because unlike the christians who listened to sermons, jews had to learn the bible and debate it and understand it, while learning in the "Cheyder" (room, also the nickname for a rabbinic school)). this meant that jews were disproportionally attracted to jobs like banking, loaning, lawyering, entertainment, and any job that required literacy, but not land. This was good for the economic worries of the jews, but terrible for their position in society. jews were associated with the people who took your money wrongly, or helped to get you in jail, and made the animosity between jews and christians high. this is the origin of 2 famous conspiracy theories: jews control the world's economy, and jews control the world's media.

This is not mentioning the old libels, such as the blood libel (that jews use christian children's blood to bake matzah [I am certain that none of the people who say that know what a matzah is, it is a pale beige color, how could you hide blood in that?!]) or the well poisoning tale (that claimed that the reason for the Black Death was jews poisoning the water wells). these libels could have been applied to any minority, but jews were the scapegoat, starting a long tradition of similar libels (read the American leftist news, and you'd see the same stories everywhere, each time in a different costume).

Then the nazis came to power, and while drawing a lot from ancient antisemitism, they invented a lot of new stuff (IDK why Hitler chose the jews, but he did, and it was massive): jews were now irredeemable from birth, possessing inherent negative qualities that could be passed down through generations, stealing everything they claim to have invented, being inherently inferior to other germans, being communists (and capitalist) that plan to destroy the economy and get rich, betrayers who made Germany lose WW1, and many more stereotypes that keep on in the cultural memory

A bit later, in Russia, a document called "The protocols of the elders of Zion" was released (I don't know its history, I am sorry), and it is the backbone of every modern conspiracy, you know, the kind that goes "so-and-so" are a secret group of deep state actors trying to take over the world. this is the protocols. its ideas are embedded deep in the cultural understanding of all of us. if you believe in any conspiracy theory, the protocols will be a no-brainer.

[a-pop-of-korean]

hello i have a question about learning korean ^^

i started ( self ) studying it about two years ago but discontinued due to college and all, but now i want to pick it up again and i don't know where to start from? i know how to read and write, but i have issues reading in one go— basically i lack fluency in reading and i often stutter. is there any way to improve?

secondly, i do know some basic stuff however my vocabulary isn't vast enough. besides, i would like to understand the sentence structure, or how they write phrases and sentences since it's very different from english. i've referred to so many sites but there's always a question— do i work on vocabulary first or sentence / phrasing structure first? or do i study both of them along side?

this sounds like such a mess and it is because i'm so lost ┬┬﹏┬┬ my main goal is to understand korean shows without subtitles and i do pick up a few words and phrases here and there but there's a lot still left to learn and idk where to start from. moreover, i've noticed that the textbook korean and the one that's spoken in everyday life is way different ( this applies to almost all the languages tbh ) and i'm having a bit of a trouble trying to figure out how a native would say it?

or example, do this thing where i come up with a sentence and try to translate it just to check what it would be in korean and check in the translator to see if i'm right, and most of the time im not. whether it's about the formalities or the conjugations. basically a whole lot of issues so please if u can help ＞︿＜

Hello! If your goal is to be able to understand Korean content without subtitles, then I think self-studying grammar and vocabulary is a good idea. I know you said you already have some knowledge of Korean, so I would refer to my masterlist and start from wherever you feel appropriate. I also recommend diversifying your study material and looking at other resources on Tumblr, YouTube, and on the Internet elsewhere. There's a lot out there!

As for your second question, I think it makes more sense to study vocab and grammar at the same time. As I've said before in previous asks, I was never that disciplined with my studying, so I can't really give you concrete study techniques. I think I got where I am today by regular exposure (on top of taking Korean courses and studying abroad lol). But if you don't have those opportunities, using whatever resources on the Internet can get you far. As you get comfortable with both grammar and vocab, I recommend exposing yourself to content like webtoons in Korean and K-dramas. These will help you with your reading and listening comprehension. There are plenty of webtoons at varying levels of difficulty, and K-drama actors have clear diction that is easy to understand. Again, I don't exactly have concrete techniques for how to eventually ween yourself off of subtitles/translations (since I myself still use them), but in my experience, exposure alone is enough to at least allow me to read webtoons and watch K-dramas without relying super heavily on the translations. Consuming this content will also teach you how natural Korean is spoken by natives. I hope that makes sense!

If you're concerned about speaking, the best way to get better is to converse with others. You might not know other people who speak Korean, but you can still practice with others for free on Hilokal, where I used to teach live lessons. It's a nice, low-pressure environment that can help you get more comfortable with speaking and learn alongside other people just like you!

Also, I generally don't recommend using translators to help you learn a language, especially if you're an English speaker learning Korean. It's more useful for you to understand the meaning of the Korean itself than it is for you to get the perfect translation. Korean is especially difficult to translate into English (in my opinion), so a translator might not give you a clean, accurate, and natural translation. Unfortunately, I can't think of other ways to fact-check your sentences otherwise lol. But I think that looking at enough sample sentences will help you become better at constructing your own. And something that helped me feel more comfortable writing and speaking when I was abroad is that, even if I make minor mistakes, chances are that other people can still understand me. Maybe keeping that in mind can make the learning process a little less stressful :)

Maybe this advice isn't new for you, but I hope it was still helpful! Thanks for the question and good luck! 화이팅!

[skydemonizark]

That is a very understandable place to be in! Considering how many different kinds of tea there are out there, and all of the different ways of making them, plus all of the misinfo out there, it can be really overwhelming to get started when you don't already have a base to start from!

Which also makes knowing what advice to give a little difficult too lol. But I'll start with something you mentioned in the tags, you said you like the bog standard tea you get at restaurants right?

I'm going to assume you meant black tea and not green tea, since I feel like you would have specified if it was green tea, 9 times out of 10 that tea would be liptoms english breakfast tea. I also like that tea it has a light sweet flavor, tho it is also very cheap and low quality. But if you like it you'll probably like other english breakfast teas, and probably other breakfast teas (my favorite being scottish breakfast it's a little stronger and with a hint more smoke than english breakfast) they're some of the easiest teas to make since they're really hardy and don't scaled too easily.

Now there's no real skill in making black tea, you take the tea bag or loose leaves and you stick them in boiling hot water for a few minutes. Different teas need different steep times which should be listed somewhere on the box, and while with none black teas you should stick as close to those times as you can, black tea is more lenient and the longer you leave the leaves in the stronger the flavor will be, tho the longer you leave it the more bitter or tanniny it'll taste.

A better way to get a stronger flavor without adding a bitter or tanniny taste is using more leaves or more bags of tea, tho that might not be ideal cost wise (which is why so many tea shops opt to just steep the tea longer scalding even black tea) you can technically reuse bags and loose leaves if you want, tho every time you do they'll lose flavor so I wouldn't recommend it.

Now if you do like green, white, or herbal teas, they much harder to get right, tho some are hardier than others they all need to be handled with care or you'll get nothing but bitter water. You have to use water that is below a boil tho different teas like different temperatures, and in this case don't trust the temp on grocery store tea boxes, google the tea type you're making and try and find an artisanal tea site or blog that includes temps and times, I don't know why but for whatever reason the temps on grocery store teas are always too hot for the tea... Tbh if you decide you like tea enough I'd recommend investing in a kettle that has a temp dial that indicates where different teas should be steeped at, it takes all the guess work and finagling out of making more delicate tea. Also with none black tea trying to steep it longer to get a stronger flavor isn't a good idea cause it will get hella bitter real quick.

Also most white, green, or herbal teas naturally have weaker flavors so you need to be careful with the water you use because you will be able to taste anything off with it. Like if the water is overly hard,or has been sitting in a plastic bottle for too long. You should care with black tea as well but it doesn't matter nearly as much.

Also with tea more expensive tea is in fact better, but that doesn't mean cheap low quality teas aren't also good, I mean I also love liptom black tea even tho it's super cheap lol. This is true more with green teas than black teas, and especially true of matcha, tho not as important if you prefer drinking matcha lattes (especially if you add sugar) than if you drink it straight. Anyways, I recommend using Adagio to buy tea, I don't think it's that expensive, and it's pretty high quality. Tho I don't think they sell many of their tea as tea bags. Still it's my go to place to buy tea and they even let you make custom blends which is super awesome

hi, I saw you liked the idea of tea but could never make it right. I love tea a lot and have made and tried a huge range of teas. Would you be interested in me giving you any tips on how to brew tea? or answer any questions about it you might have? I totally understand if you've decided it's not worth the effort I've had similar feelings lol. I just thought it wouldn't hurt to reach out tho

@skydemonizark

it's very sweet that you decided to reach out ! I'm honestly not even sure what I'd ask, I'm enough of a novice about tea that I don't know know what I'm missing jkfladsjklfsd

feel free to send me anything you'd like :>

[marvellouslymadmim]

4, 13 and 19

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

as a descriptor: tenderly. it encompasses so much and can be interpreted differently by each person who uses/reads/hears it.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

Oddly enough, I don't really have any "incredibly difficult" themes....maybe I'm just a lazy, avoidant writer. Posting said matter is a little different, though. I can depict darkness and the ugly side of human nature fairly easily, but when it comes to sharing those depictions, I do hesitate sometimes because I am a bit protective of my readers and I don't want them to feel triggered by something I write (as inevitable as I know that will be sometimes).

The easy stuff: pining. The little gestures with big implications. I love every aspect of it.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Ah, the journey. Started at age five. My mother still has the story somewhere. Stick figures drawn and colored in on looseleaf paper. The Tale of Three Brothers. I don't remember the plot other than it was vaguely reminiscent of Cinderella. I started writing almost as soon as I could actually write, and before that I would regale strangers with my tall tales. It's always been a compulsion to save my sanity, I think. I won't get into too much detail, but at 18, I went through a traumatic event, and my reaction (once I was safely locked in my car, still too shaken to drive) was to write down what had happened to me, in the form of a poem. I needed to exorcise, to understand it.

As far as bumps...there has been a learning curve, and fanfiction gave me a place to push out and hone my craft. It also gave me a chance to interact with other readers/writers, and having that feedback, having those outside eyes, has made me see strengths and weaknesses in my storytelling (my partner, whom I met via fanfic, still teases me over my most-used descriptor phrase, which is apparently a hallmark in every story I write). Now, I am in a place where I am very happy with my voice and less worried about rules. I trust my voice and my story compass. But I still get anxious about what readers will think (of the story, of me) and whether or not I'm telling a story worth sharing. I am currently in a moment when I can't write as much or as often as I would like, and it's taking a toll on my mental wellness, tbh. But I know it's a season and I'm trying to push past whatever anxiety or guilt I might feel. I want to eventually be a full-time writer, and I'm planning on releasing an original work via Amazon's serial publishing site, Vella, in late fall 2022.

Ask me a Weird Writer Question.

[effemimaniac]

tbh I think the big problem with shinigami eyes is that it tries to do more than it should, in the spirit of two-sidedness and positivity. trans people are so used to negativity, so I think it makes sense that if you make something like this, you want it to have a positive aspect as well. rather than just showing at a glance who is transphobic it also highlights pro-trans people!

it's nice in theory and psychologically I think can help balance the feeling of the world being against you in a way, that having only red names may exacerbate, but it really undermines confidence in the system due to how complex it is to deem someone "pro-trans" and the sheer amount of false positives on that front.

(this post got quite long so I'm putting the rest of it under a readmore)

transphobia and trans people feeling safe and informed online is not a technical issue, and technical solutions aren't going to solve the problem, but I think they can help to an extent... but the technicalities of categorising allies is a lot more complicated than transphobes. you can see someone post or share a few transphobic opinions and mark them red as a warning to others, there's no need to look for whether they have shared trans-positive posts in the past or whether they are friends with trans people. if someone has been transphobic the warning that they may be again applies regardless. but... you can't follow that logic for marking someone green: there has to be a consistent pattern and clear intentions.

This obviously takes a lot of effort, and it clearly isn't checked with the rigour required. A lot of transphobic people fall through the cracks and are marked green, perhaps because their transphobia is a caveat in an otherwise pro-trans facade, that wouldn't show in the first few pages of searching "trans" on their blog. Or perhaps it's more subtly malicious, and requires good intuition or analysis, reading between the lines, like a lot of trans (but TME) transmisogynists on this site.

There's also the problem of changing views and time. Let's say the above problems are solved and the system Just Works. Sometimes a person's opinion can completely flip in practically no time at all (or at least appear to) which gives the system no time to adjust before damage is done by the now erroneous marking. If someone was once transphobic, marked red, then makes genuine effort to make amends it's really their problem to fix the marking that serves as a warning of their prior views, but if someone is marked green and becomes transphobic the problem is for any trans person who interacts with them and trusts the greenlight at face value. it can endanger people by giving a false sense of safety.

Basically my point is, I understand why Shinigami eyes has the mark-as-safe feature... it's nice to see some green among the red, and perhaps this feature lead to more users, which given the community driven nature of it increases the usefulness. However, I think it does more harm than good, is too difficult to properly execute, and undermines trust in the system.

[sideprince]

tbh what I hate is how easily people misuse words like "trauma" and "abuse" on this site. there's this culture of thinking that learning the basics of something entitles someone to call it out without continuing to learn about it, let alone to hold back their "insights" until they do so. which, btw, ends up hurting a lot of the people affected and the point of this post is a perfect example.

say someone survives abuse and is traumatized by it. they might see a post that trivializes it (because that's what people who insist that Harry was traumatized by Snape are doing, really, they're trivializing), which can cause anxiety because now the thing you're struggling with is the thing you'll probably have to deal with seeing a bunch of people argue over, most of whom have no idea what the experience is really like and they're now using something that's your lived experience to gain GoodPerson brownie points while missing the actual point which is something you need them to get to feel safe. on top of that, maybe something like Harry Potter was a a safe place for you to escape into while you were experiencing trauma, and maybe it's a fandom that comforts you while helping you process your experiences and now a whole horde of crusaders are coming at it, with a complete lack of understanding, and in ways that actually make you feel like most people don't just completely misunderstand abuse and trauma (or just don't care about understanding it beyond what they can use to bolster their own image) but that they'll actively go after abuse victims who don't clear their bar of what they've decided abuse and trauma means while ignoring abuse going on right in front of them.

because here's a fun perspective on HP from someone who was abused their whole childhood and is still dealing with the trauma from it: Harry and Snape are essentially two abuse traumas interacting. Traumas don't always play well together (some traumas don't play well period). Meanwhile, Harry and the Dursleys are trauma interacting with traumatizer.

Abuse often doesn't look like open bullying (and yes, bullying is often abusive, but that doesn't mean it's the only face of abuse). Abuse often looks like a nice family living in a nice street with a nice car parked in their nice driveway. it's often complex and messy and hides behind things that can be brushed off by people adjacent to it who don't know what to do about it and are scared of acknowledging it and having to deal with what it would mean for their own friendships and relationships with abusers. For example, a child can get hit on a daily basis by their sibling, their privacy constantly violated, and their sense of safety eroded before it can develop, but it easily gets pushed away with "stop fighting you two" and "sibling rivalries, whatareyagonnado." Abuse is often hard to name because it requires the explanations of power dynamics and understanding concepts like how saying the recipient of a beating provoked the beater is enabling and victim blaming, which is surprisingly difficult for some people to grasp. And when people assume that abuse is just outright bullying, it makes it harder for victims whose abusers can easily hide behind complexity.

Trauma is messy and often hard to identify. It can look like years of angry outbursts and sudden mood changes before a person starts to realize that they have these reactions because of triggers and that those triggers are complexly rooted in their trauma and it takes a lot of work to start identifying what being triggered feels like because it's second nature to become suddenly cranky and lash out. It can be realizing after over a decade that you only have panic attacks when you go home to stay with your family for a holiday, when you thought, growing up, that panic attacks are a part of life yet they stopped when you moved out and moved away.

And the truth is, Harry Potter can be a safe place because JKR wrote it as her own escapism in a lot of ways, one of which is that Harry doesn't really display signs of trauma in any realistic way. I don't want to read a book where the main character has panic attacks and anxiety in the ways I do. And we can go off in a whole other dedicated post about how trauma is manifested in HP, but ultimately everything in it is straightforward. Harry's fears and angst are a direct result of his momentary experiences - he has a Voldemort dream and wakes up in a cold sweat. He's abused by Umbridge in detention and he rebels against her directly. What we don't see is something like him hating buttered toast because it's all the Dursleys let him eat for breakfast (not canon, just an example of what might be a manifestation of trauma). Or him getting moody or anxious every time he's in Dumbledore's office because the whirring of his instruments reminds him of Uncle Vernon's moustache trimmer or something, except he's not aware of it, so he just doesn't like Dumbledore's office and can't wait to get out of there because there's a low-key fight/flight reaction brewing.

Ultimately, I hate the argument that Snape traumatized Harry in any way because it feels disingenuous and obtuse to me. And it might be good for some people to remember that when you post about whatever social issue you want to wax poetic about, it's good to remember that 1. you may not know enough to do that and its ok to listen sometimes instead of talk 2. when you bring up a topic to show how aware and compassionate you are, you're also potentially triggering the people who you're trying to show allyship to because, oh hey, they were perfectly happy to not think about it for ten whole seconds before you brought it up for no reason other than wanting to look like a good person.

also, i hate people who insist that snape’s treatment of harry traumatized or even phased harry at all. snape was a dick to harry, but harry never gives a fuck about snape’s opinion. harry never shows any sign that he’s affected by or changed by snape’s opinion or that snape really intimidates him in any way, especially as he gets older. it’s especially irritating when people insist that snape is somehow worse to harry than the dursleys are, when the dursleys have neglected and emotionally abused him. snape’s bullying isn’t great, but it’s hardly as bad as the actual abuse harry suffers at the hands of the dursleys, and harry clearly knows that. 

[cas-kingdom]

Would you be up to answering 10, 15, 29, and 31 for any of the OCs from the DWCs that you're feeling a bit stuck on? Or any OCs you're feeling, really. I'm not picky. Hope this helps with mission: write or that you at the very least have some fun with it. :)

To be honest, this would totally help. I’ll have a go (thank you, saviour).

You all know I write my OCs as readers considering the reader inserts are wildly sought after on this site lol. BUT I adore writing about my OCs & have tons of stories with them that I keep to myself and read when I’m down, so here we go!

The 4 I’ve yet to write include Tallulah Cullen (Twilight), Matilda Northman (True Blood), Akela (The Witcher) & Clark Kent’s sister, who I’m yet to create an OC for (atm my only JL OC is Arthur Curry’s sister, Ani) so I won’t write these questions for her considering I don’t really know her.

WARNING: this is going to get long. I apologise & a big pat on the back to whoever actually reads it.

10) How open is your oc to trying new things? Are they the adventurous sort, or would they rather stay in their comfort zone? Why?

Tallulah: I think, honestly, Tallulah’s been a vampire so long she’s not sure she has anything new left to try lol. She’s older than her siblings by a lot and is often lost with these kinds of things. Though if there is ever anything new, I’d say she’d be absolutely open to trying them out! During the events of the books/movies, I’m sure there were many of these opportunities, what with Bella and the excitement and adventure she brought along with her. So, yes. No comfort zone for T, though perhaps there was one once.

Matilda: Tilly’s pretty restricted with what she can and can’t do (having Eric as your guardian will do that to you lol) but again, like Tallulah, with the events of the books/series, a lot happens that she’d be involved with, and it’s all a bit adventurous and out of her comfort zone. She’s used to the so-called quiet life, considering Eric keeps her out of his business so she remains safe, so after meeting Sookie and all the disruption she brings to her life, I’ve always thought it to be quite a big thing for her. As she grows older however, she certainly grows used to it, and perhaps rebels a bit against her guardian to join in on the excitement he’d rather she stay away from.

Akela: Akela’s whole life is trying new things. She never knows if her day will be quiet or not so much. If she’ll be sleeping under the stars or in an inn. If she’ll have a great, peaceful ride or someone will run up to them, thrusting money at Geralt and asking him to kill a monster. (Seems like a nicely spontaneous life, minus the monsters). Tbh I think she likes it. She’d like her life to be completely safe with no interruptions, but in all honestly she’d get bored after a while, and really, if her life was all sweet and honey, then Geralt wouldn’t be the same, and that’s the last thing she’d want. I think her comfort zone is very small, and not demanding at all. She’s ready to try whatever, as long as it guarantees her and her Witcher’s safety!

15) What is your oc’s favourite time of day? Why is this? Do they have a daily practice during this time?

Tallulah: I’ll be a bit stereotypical here and say her favourite time of day is night. She doesn’t sparkle, she can blend in with the humans completely... and I guess she just likes it in general because of the dark, and the peace that often offers. She sometimes goes hunting with her family in the dark, and she has many memories of those times that she holds onto.

Matilda: Yet another vampiric-stereotypical answer, but Tilly’s favourite time of day is definitely the exact moment the sun is out of sight. Because then Eric’s instantly safe, and she can spend as much time with him as his ‘duties’ and his job allows. Another human’s favourite time might be day, because that’s when the most happens, and Tilly’s is night for the exact same reason. To her it’s simply normal - she’s always slept during the day to adhere to her vampire guardians’ routine - and she knows no difference.

Akela: Night. (Apparently all my OCs are night owls, guys). She likes her evenings and her nights, right before she sleeps, because most of her memories from those times are of her lying next to Geralt on blankets, under a starlit sky. It’s totally quiet, save for the nightlife, and the two of them can just lie there and let the trials of the day wash away as they stare at the stars. A simple delight.

29) How empathetic is your oc? Or are they closer to being a sociopath? Any reason why?

Tallulah: Hundreds of years as a vampire has definitely made Tallulah more in touch with people’s emotions. She 100% takes after her father in the compassion side of things. He’s taught her to hang onto most of her humanity, and she’s never fed from a human in her life. I can’t see her hurting a fly. Sociopath? Never.

Matilda: Tilly... is perhaps more sociopath than empath, but that’s something that changes over the years. She’s young at the beginning of the show, and she worships Eric and (discreetly) wants to follow him wherever he goes. That doesn’t change so much, but she finds herself over time, and learns to give in to her human instincts. I definitely think Eric’s growing appreciation for humans after meeting Sookie makes her more aware of her true self, and she makes friends she wouldn’t have ever thought about making, and generally just becomes less afraid to be herself. She learns to understand people’s feelings - and her own - which is something she probably found difficult to do when solely around vampires. (Though in saying that, she probably begins to learn a lot more about how Eric’s feeling. That’s shown in the DWC I’ve yet to write lol).

Akela: For as much as Akela loves Geralt, and for as much as she grew up under his guiding hand, she certainly didn’t adopt his so-called ‘emotionless’ Witcher persona. Really, that’s a victory on Geralt’s side. She’s 100%, totally human, and that’s something he wouldn’t take away from her (tbh he does his best to keep her away from anything Witcher-y that could change her from who she perfectly is). But, in all honesty, I do think Akela gets her selfless and empathetic nature from Geralt. Discreetly, of course. That guy is a different person when he’s with her, though it might be difficult to see, and he’s honestly just a Good Dad, however much he’d strive to disprove it.

31) What is your oc’s sense of humour like? What do they find funny? Do they try to be funny? Are they actually?

Tallulah: Tallulah has big brothers. I think that speaks for itself. XD Though perhaps not all of them... mainly Emmett and Jasper. And Alice. They like to make her laugh. Probably Emmett’s main goal in life. BUT, similar to the first question, Tallulah is an old vampire, and she’s probably heard most jokes and developed a sense of humour that’s different to the others’, if that makes sense. Though I’ve always had her as the vampire who was turned at 16 and, in all honesty, is still 16, deep deep down. Her maturity isn’t crazily more than any other 16 yo’s.

Matilda: God. I don’t think she’d have much of a sense of humour. Tilly’s life is vampires, blood, ‘stay away from humans despite being human’... when she meets Sookie and the others, and her humanity starts shining, her sense of humour becomes more human. She can joke around without worrying that Eric will take it too seriously or Pam will insult her (Pam insults everyone but she still loves Tilly, don’t worry). So, yeah. Matilda’s life doesn’t leave much room for humour, but it sneaks in somehow as the years go on - not to mention Eric’s not an ass to her and does treasure her smile and her laugh above all else in his long life.

Akela: Oh, Akela lives on humour. She loves to insult Geralt, and he loves to insult her right back. That’s just them. And it’s pretty damn perfect. Not to mention when Jaskier joins their dysfunctional family, you’d be pretty robotic to not laugh or smile even once when in his presence. As for if Akela’s actually funny... I’d say definitely. She counts it a victory if she says something and Geralt’s lips turn upwards the tiniest bit. Making a Witcher smile is something to celebrate.

Whoo. I loved that. Now to go write.

(That last bit was a joke. Unfortunately).

[jensungf]

10 questions tag pt.2

hoo boi okay so ive been tagged in this a lot so im going to split it up into parts but this is alr a lot to read so if u read all of this u deserve a cookie so reply back with cookie and ima send u kithes and hugs

thank u to every who tagged me!! @byunbaekby @neocitybynight @bumblebeenct

aurora’s questions (these r from awhile back hehe

what’s your favorite dish from your culture?

i like phở gà (chicken noodle soup) or bún bò huế (hhh idk it in english)

vegetables or fruit?

fruits? i don’t like either

what’s the last book you’ve read and did you like it?

i think i had to read frankenstein for decathalon before corona hit and no i did not ugh

what inscription would you like on your tombstone?

heart nutted too hard or leyna [redacted] ; jk i actually dont know, i guess in loving memory leyna her love shall forever be remembered thru photographs bc even when the people change, the memories still stay or something (my brain is chaotic rn)

what should they teach in high school but do’t?

definitely financial literacy and how to do taxes and whatnot

who would you most like to sit next to on a 10 hours flight and why?

probs jisung or renjun bc lbr jisung and i would be the type to play smash the entire time and snack (and also if i fell asleep on his shoulder that shit would be so cute omfg) but renjun and i could continue talking for hours hahahah

what skill would you like to master?

cooking/baking!

what movie title best describes your life?

to all the boys i’ve loved before (ok not rly but i couldn’t think of much)

what’s the best way to start your day?

waking up well rested with my outfit planned and no rush getting ready to go eat brunch w my friends

what pets did you have while you were growing up?

i never had any pets hehe i’m allergic and mis padres say no

milly’s questions

where is the favourite place you’ve ever been?

i think i really like the city in toronto!! it’s super aesthetic and the vibes are amazing but i didn’t get to explore :( @longassride kidnap me pls

what is your best school subject, and if it changed drastically why?

it’s always been english haha but i’m not even that good

animated or live action films?

i prefer animated tbh the live action films i’ve seen don’t do any justice

do you play any instruments, how long for?

i play the bassoon and it’s been like 6 years (don’t need fooled i hate it)

have you told anyone irl that you have a blog?

yeah lmao a lot of my irls know and i let some follow me but we dont talk about it too much

favourite social media? 

instagram or tumblr

can you quote me something from your favourite book?

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying.” — Just Listen, Sarah Dessen

what was the last tv show you finished in its entirety?

fuck i have no idea i don’t even think ive ever finished a tv show...  oops?

do you have an all time favourite nct fic on this site?

i have many so it’s so hard to choose but one of my all time favs might be @/starlightkun’s ayakashi series for jeno called featherbrain and @lovingyong’s tatbilb series for jaemin. i stayed up until 7am reading featherbrain and i didn’t stop rereading it for a wk bc it was everything i’ve ever liked in one story since i was super into otome games at one point and if i’m being honest, kelsie’s series helped move past a lot of hardships bahahah i could probably quote a few lines honestly bc they mean so much to me 

if you could time travel, when would you go?

the 90s!!

sunny’s questions

If you could pick one artist to soundtrack your life, who would it be?

niki bc she is queen and relatable !!!

If you could have a Magic Eight Ball that really would answer your questions, what would you ask it?

am i going to be happy and successful?If you could bring one cryptid (supernatural creature) to life, what would you choose?

If you could bring one cryptid (supernatural creature) to life, what would you choose?

honestly that’s so hard ugh i might say angels/demons (i know that’s two but the concept has always intrigued me)

Coke or Pepsi?

coke but i don’t like either

What is your guilty pleasure?

otome games hehe but i guess just reading ff/webtoons all the time

If you had a title after your name (e.g. Alexander the Great) what would you want?

leyna the lover or some shit like that haha i rly dont know

Would you rather have a band who narrated all your movements through song or the paparazzi follow you around?

haksjsk i think band bc it doesn’t always have to be a literal narration and paparazzi would expose my every move

If you could be a K-Pop idol, would you be? Whether or not you answer yes, would you date an idol?

no i wouldn’t because it’s too much of a sacrifice to give up everything and dedicate my life to the toxic industry. and personally no i wouldn’t unless i rly loved them and it happened naturally bc it’s again a huge sacrifice and it’s difficult on both ends

When it rains, are you inside watching from the window or outside twirling in the puddles?

inside haha i could never go outside during rain

If you could time travel to any time period, which would you choose?

maybe the late 80s or 90s.. it seemed like a lot of fun to interact with people without technology. drive in movies, cheap candy, rollerskating down the boardwalk, the fashion and music, the vibes

my questions:

what is your usual resting facial expression?

what was your favorite childhood cartoon?

would you ever have kids? if so, do you have any baby names ready?

whats your favorite way to talk to people? (irl, text, call, ft, etc)

what color fits your vibe and why?

what is your preferred way to be comforted? emotional support or finding a solution?

how long have you been on tumblr?

do you wash your clothes right after you buy them or right after you wear them?

do you have an ideal type or any celeb that matches your ideal type?

do you believe in soulmates?

you’re under no obligation to do this but tagging: @lovelyjsuh @nanasarea​ @neolights @jaemallow @jaetyhm @glossyjaems @cherrysung @yongiefilms​  @juyeonzz​ @lovingyong​ @gohyuck​ @longassride​

[thegoodomensdumpster]

Oh, tu es Francais? Je connais un peut Francais mais je ne suis pas parfait. Aves-vous des conseils?

Yep, I’m french. I’m not going to turn this blog into a site to learn french tho, so I’m gonna answer in English and maybe this’ll help other people learn foreign languages.So I’m being asked advice on how to learn french. Like any other language: practice. Here is how I learned english:- at school (yeah, useful for basic stuff like the gist of grammar, orthograph and conjugaison. Not so much for sounding natural and having fun tho. But you absolutely can’t cut that part out of the learning process.)- watching a shit ton of cartoons, tv series and movies in english. First with subtitles in your own language, and little by little without it (or in the language you want to learn, tho they don’t always match the audio so it can be a bit jarring). That’s how I made the most progress tbh. Netflix and other streaming services where you can access different languages and subtitles all directly in one click are excellent in that regard. You can watch Good Omens in french if you want to train your ear listening to it! I also recommend Disney movies in french, the french version are great most of the time. I personnally learned watching Doctor House on Megavideo (rip little website, forever in my heart) and cartoons such as Invader Zim and Beetlejuice. Find what you like and stick to it!- penpals are fun! Not just on the internet, tho that’s the most practical thing, but getting to send actual mail and little gifts sometimes is fantastic. Websites like Tumblr where you can interact and get friendly with people who share your interests are a nice way to start. I used to go on a website called Interpals, not sure if it’s still thrieving as it used to. It goes without saying: if you’re a minor or if you have issues ( emotionnally, psychologically, etc ) be EXTREMELY CAREFUL how you interact with people online and how much you let them know about yourself. Don’t give your real life mail address to people you don’t trust, and talk to your parents / tutors about it before jumping into a snail mail correspondance with anyone.- Duolingo. I’m not even kidding. If you can’t learn a language at school, it can help you practice the basic stuff, and get a hold onto the structure of the language. It’s not the fun part, because it relies on being repetitive so things can become instinctive, but, eh, it’s free!- reading (news article, fics, novels, anything that you like, read read and read! you don’t even have to take notes, just get familiar with the language and slowly but surely you’ll realize you’re retaining more information than you thought)- listening to music, looking up for the lyrics, and learning them and singing along to songs has done wonders for me, and it’s clearly one of the funniest part of learning languages I have experienced. You don’t have to sing along if you don’t like singing of course, but at least learning the lyrics and saying them out loud is a good exercise- play video games in the language you want to learn (especially if you’ve already played it in your native language first, that way you won’t be lost and you’ll be able to piece up things together and discover new words rather effortlessly)- now the most difficult part imo (besides the boring mandatory school stuff about conjugaison grammar etc) is getting familiar with how people REALLY talk irl. That’s a higher level of learning a language. So... podcasts, Youtubers / streamers (like, if you’re into gaming, look into gaming channels from people who speak the language you’re interested in. If you know the game you won’t be too lost, and a lot of the technical language is still in english so that’ll allow you to focus on how people talk, on how they shorten some words, on the expression they may use). The best of course is to immerse oneself in the country among people who only speak the language you want to learn and you are forced to understand them and speak with them, but if you don’t have the means for that, try to hang out on social networks and group chats.

- and of course, you need to practice actively, not just as a spectator. Talk, sing, write, and when you write try not to first write in your native language and then translate it into the language you want to learn. Go straight to the language you want to learn. Make mistakes. Learn from them. You’re gonna be alright if you write sentences that don’t make any sense. And if you try talking to a native speaker of the language you want to learn, there are always ways to make yourself understood.TL;DR : my main advice is to find a thing you are passionnate about and seek out resources about that thing in the language you want to learn and talk with foreigners about that thing. Learning a language takes time and effort, and this is the most fun and painless way I’ve found!

[fluffyheretic]

I’m so fucking tempted to say “every single question with Kazushuu or Hitoshuu (except for the nsfw ones i guess)” But I don’t want to singlehandedly kill you

ok let’s do it

as a side note sometimes the answer is the same or similar for both ships just bc shuu is uh. the same person. but ofc not always

under cut for lengthhhh

1. Who makes the first move and how?

hitoshuu: normally im gonna say definitely hitori. he probably decides to be direct and just straight up ask. in iwasweetie au specifically tho i want it to be sweetie if only bc i need to make him get over his shit. he also asks “directly” but it actually involves a lot of stuttering and beating around the bush so it ends up not being very direct

shuukazu: im not sure if it would really be one of them specifically, i can see them as the “this kind of just happened” couple. maybe kazuaki is the one after several months whos like “so um… what are we…. lol………..”

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

hitoshuu: shuu, not that hitori is the paragon of confidence but shuus like “wtf hes the ideal young man and im Bastard Supreme but ok i guess”

shuukazu: BOTH LMAO but kazu is more vocal abt it and shuu is the Bottle Up EVERYTHING type

some good ol body positivity cuddle sessions work in both cases

3. Who is the most romantic?

anyone but shuu for obvious “i dont even know what feelings ARE” reasons

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

again anyone but shuu for obvious “i dont even know what intimacy IS” reasons but specifically hitori is just more confident and kazuaki isnt necessarily confident but is more just. shameless

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

not shuu for similar reasons as above. there’s a trend here, you see

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome?

THIS is a CHRISTIAN blog

7. What do they get up to on a night out?

hitoshuu: going to dinner at a place thats nice but not TOO nice. like good comfortable atmosphere and good food but not posh

shuukazu: they probably just wander around, maybe go shopping, kazuaki keeps pointing out stuff he wants and dr iwamine “i dont know what to do with my money bc i dont want for material things” shuu just buys it for him. shuu please stop enabling him. stop it.

8. What do they like in bed?

hitoshuu: cuddling :)

shuukazu: snuggling :)

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

i feel like shuu considers every single new couple-y thing he does to be the new most embarrassing thing he’s done. we’re holding hands? embarrassing. i kissed you? god now THATS embarrassing. you caught me wearing your sweater that you accidentally left at my place? well put me in the fucking ground thats literally the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to anybody. how dare i show sentimentality. despicable

kazuaki is similar in that he’s constantly one-upping himself and getting a NEW most embarrassing thing but his things include stuff like getting caught watching really strange anime and scream-singing pop songs and anime OPs in the shower

hitori probably like tripped on the sidewalk once

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

these questions are difficult bc man idk what media exists in 2188 bird japan

11. What do they hide from one another?

in both cases shuus answer is “just about everything” hes terrified of the mortifying ordeal of being known. pretty much everything you learn about him has to be squeezed out

hitori hides how troubled he really is because he wants to seem like the responsible one everyone can depend on so that they dont have to worry about him. he does his best to hide when hes struggling but since shuu has that exact same impulse they pretty quickly start to see through each other, but are also very understanding about it.

kazuaki probably doesnt have as much to hide but he might be shy about portraying how REALLY in love with shuu he is too soon because he doesnt want to scare him away. he also hides the weirder shows and games and stuff that hes into lol

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

hitoshuu: i can see them having that kind of relationship where at first its casual and almost competitive in a way, like a “i think youre sexy and the only thing i know to do about it is see what i can do to make you flustered, then act smug when i succeed” thing. but over time when the novelty of that starts to wear off they both kinda realize they just straight up like each other and start being more genuine and soft.

shuukazu: again its a similar thing with shuu where he starts feeling more comfortable with letting himself be a little more genuine and START opening up. kazuaki picks up on this as a good sign and starts to worry less about trying to impress shuu and more just enjoying their time together.

13. When do they realize they should get together?

this is another one that i think is a similar answer in both cases, at least for shuu’s part he has a “dammit. i cant lose him” moment. since hes a person of very few words he tries to communicate “i want us to be serious” via letting down his walls a little bit, which hitori/kazuaki hopefully notice is happening and then are like “oh maybe we can work”

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

for shuu and hitori its “responsibly take care of you, bc its what i should do but also secretly i get STRESSED AS FUCK when someone i care about is sick so i gotta make sure youre okay”

for kazuaki its “take care of you, although i dont really know what im doing, also i thought since youre bedridden we could cuddle but its not as enjoyable as i wanted so like I’m Here but also im gonna watch tv okay? ill get u crackers and ginger ale”

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

hitoshuu: shuu’s gonna say he doesn’t care, but hitori also doesn’t really care so eventually he’ll get shuu to admit that he’d like to watch a nature documentary. especially if it’s marine-themed. hitori likes that too so hey there you go

shuukazu: shuu WILL watch the 76th pokemon movie OR ELSE

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

hitoshuu: both are cutthroat bastards that do anything it takes to keep each other safe. their reliance and trust in each other is probably 99% of what keeps them going.

shuukazu: again shuus gonna do literally anything it takes to keep kazuaki safe, but to be real i dont know if kazuaki is making it out of this one. and if he doesnt then shuus not either.

17. When they find a time machine, where do they go?

shuu’s answer is going to be at various points in prehistory to study organisms that are now long-extinct (side note god thats definitely my answer too). his bf is worried abt the dangers but comes with him to make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.

i think hitori might not have anything specific in mind but going to historical sites in their heydays seems like a good choice.

since kazuaki likes literature he’d probably want to see historical stuff related to that, like seeing shakespeare plays when they first came out and meeting his favorite dead authors to ask them questions.

18. When they fight, how do they make up?

hitoshuu: hitori doesn’t like to dance around that kind of thing, after a little time has passed for them to both think about it then he’ll just be direct and say “hey lets talk about that thing that happened” if he feels he was in the wrong then he’ll then follow that up with an apology. i can see hitori being a little grudgy but then quickly getting tired of it and just wanting things to be resolved. shuu hates talking things out because hes bad at it but he knows its best so he’ll just try to explain how he felt at the time but also what he’s considered since then. even if he’s not good at explaining himself, hitori is good at understanding him anyway so they usually work it out pretty quickly.

shuukazu: they can be messier since kazuaki gets really emotional really quickly and sometimes says things he doesnt mean. theyre both bad at dealing with it afterwards though until after a few awkward days, kazuaki cant take it and is like “waaa i dont want us to be fighting anymore 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺” and shuus like “ok.” because yeah he’ll take the easy way out. they could probably improve their communication tbh

19. Where do they go on their first date?

hitoshuu: they probably decide to do something simple and casual to make it less awkward so they just get coffee. shuu feels like, from what he knows, that he should be expecting hitori to make a move on him. hitori doesnt because he wants to be considerate of shuus comfort level, but shuu takes it as a sign of disinterest. luckily shuu realizes hes wrong about that when hitori quickly invites him on Another date where they take a stroll in the park, and thats when hitori goes in for the tactical hand-hold maneuver.

shuukazu: kind of the opposite of hitoshuu in that they dont really declare it officially as a date. kazuaki just asks shuu if he wants to see a movie with him, not really calling it a date but kind of implying it to be one. shuu probably doesnt care about the movie but thinks this might possibly maybe be a date so he should go. kazuaki then uses it as a chance to Put On The Movies, as awkward as that might be, including the classic “stretch with my arms up and then let one down over your shoulders” move. shuu doesnt really know how to indicate his own interest in response but hopes the fact that hes also not complaining in any way gives a hint. despite it not REALLY being an official date at the time, later on theyll look back on it and decide that yeah that was their first date.

20. Where do they go on holiday?

shuu hates taking time off work, but if he must, then he’ll be content as long as theres something scientifically interesting there like a museum or an aquarium.

hitori doesnt really mind where they go, hes just grateful to get to go on holiday at all, so he’ll let shuu pick. and again, that’s going to be somewhere with a natural history museum, probably a very nice one and they’ll both enjoy it.

kazuaki is similar in that he’s just happy to be there but his ideal holiday destination is probably just…. akihabara. so shuu relents and goes there with him occasionally. kazuaki does like to visit aquariums with shuu though! they do both

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

hitoshuu: the cemetery, at least at first when they arent used to being that vulnerable in front of each other

shuukazu: well shuu sure as shit is nervous about going to anime cons with kazu

22. Where does their first kiss happen?

in both cases, definitely at one of their homes, because shuus too much of a wreck to have a moment like that in a public place.

for shuukazu, i picture it that theyre just hanging out at kazuakis place and relaxing, and they end up cuddling a lot, and kazuaki kisses him kind of impulsively. hes then very apologetic about it before shuu manages to assure him that its fine.

hitoshuu, maybe hitori walks shuu home after a date and goes for the classic end of date goodbye kiss, but just on the cheek. then when once again hitori has walked shuu home, shuu wonders if he should expect a real kiss this time, but hitori goes for the cheek again. shuus disappointed and grabs hitoris sleeve before he turns away because he doesnt know how to say he wants more. but hitori takes the hint and kisses him for real this time.

23. Where is their favorite place to be together?

in both cases it’s at home, because shuu finds it much easier to be intimate when they’re in privacy. i think all three of them really appreciate just getting to relax together.

24. Where do they first have sex?

what did i say about this being a christian blog

25. Why do they fight?

usually its because shuu said something a little too tactless. hes not so clueless that he’ll say something really obviously offensive, but sometimes he really doesn’t know what’s too much. but his bf is hopefully understanding of this and corrects him Still Firmly but still with some “but i know you didnt mean it like that, we’re okay” way, because chances are he really didnt.

for hitoshuu specifically, hitori has to be on shuu about eating properly and can sometimes get kind of annoyed about it. shuus kneejerk reaction is to then be offended because hes an adult who can take care of himself. but they calm down and make up when shuu remembers that hitori just worries for him, and hitori remembers that shuu doesnt not eat just to spite him.

for shuukazu, i can see kazuaki’s lack of responsibility and aloofness start to get on shuu’s nerves, and when he brings it up kazuaki thinks he’s just being mean. again, similarly to hitoshuu, they get over it when kazuaki reminds himself that shuu wants him to be able to take care of himself, and shuu reminds himself as well that he can be too abrasive and should work on it.

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat?

hitoshuu: they dont have to right away but over time it would be good for them to be honest abt their respective traumas and the shit theyre dealing with instead of hiding it

shuukazu: similar, shuu should probably get around to being more open abt his shit. they might also want to have a talk abt what a serious relationship is gonna look like for them

27. Why do their friends get annoyed with them?

hitoshuu: i answered this already! but again, its bc theyre so ~responsible~

shuukazu: ppl either see kazuaki being super clingy and think “man hes so overbearing, his poor partner 😒” or see shuu being emotionless and think “man theyre so cold, their poor boyfriend 😒” actually they gotta mind their own damn business

28. Why do they get jealous?

hitoshuu: i feel like hitori actually gets hit on a pretty decent amount. shuu is never happy about it, but the death glares he starts sending usually scare the person off anyway

shuukazu: both of them think the other is too good for them so if anyone looks at them with even a little too much interest the other is immediately like “well i guess this is it”

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

hitoshuu: little moments shuu loves is when hitori asks him how he is, how he slept. when he makes him dinner. hitori loves when shuu looks deep in thought, tucks his hair behind his ear, and he definitely likes to see him get along with nageki, which he does.

shuukazu: shuu loves when kazuakis eyes light up with excitement when he sees something he likes, especially when shuu realizes that hes one of those things too. he also loves kazuakis really nice hugs, especially when shuu just woke up from a nightmare. kazuaki loves how shuu listens to him intently, and asks questions about the things hes interested in, and sometimes rests his hand on him when hes getting tired.

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

hitoshuu: both are important figures in each other’s lives, obv shuu helped nageki but also hitori is probably the first person to get even a little close to shuu after ryuuji died. theyre both just pockets of trauma but are doing their best so it would be good for them to support each other and try to heal. theyre both pretty dependable so when the going gets tough they’re each other’s rocks

shuukazu: theyre definitely the “it will never work” couple that ends up working anyway. shuu might think kazuaki is annoying at first but if ryuuji is any indication shuu definitely seems to gravitate towards people who are more chill and even a little silly, and when shuu realizes that kazuaki isnt as dumb as he makes himself seem that helps a lot. for kazuaki shuu definitely has a ~mysterious~ aspect that draws him in initially but when it wears off as he learns more about shuu, instead of the magic being gone he just starts finding him more relatable and endearing so their relationship actually improves.

[patricianandclerk]

Anonymous asked: pls write about the nature of kink. It would be an interesting essay

sorry trying this as a text post to see if it’s less fucked up this way, fuckin tumblr i stg

Hhh, I admit, I don’t think I’d want to write about it in an actual essay format because I’d feel pressured to include sources and so on, whereas all of my thoughts and ideas are like… purely anecdotal and based very much on watching and studying how different people react to kink and interact with kinks and fetishes over the years.

It was super useful to have that background as a phone sex operator, and just as a dude who fucks, and like… I don’t know, I’m really interested in it, but I’m very much not smart or intellectual enough at all to go come at it from a genuine sexological or psychological perspective!

Okay, this got long, so the bulk of it is behind a cut, but… yeah. Basically I think as a society we need to embrace YKINMKATO (Your Kink Is Not My Kink And That’s Okay) more as a philosophy, but also I need everyone to tell me what their kinks and fetishes are and why they think they’re into them because I want to dig into everyone’s brains and understand what makes them tick all day long because I’m just Like That.

The basic premise I work from is that like…

So, we use the word fetish to describe something that is imbued with a lot of like, sexual focus for someone? A fetish is a sexual thing, and people link like, sexual gratification to this focus, but the thing is that I think that’s… kinda stupid, because if it was specifically about sexual gratification, or even sexual drives, asexuals who aren’t interested in sex wouldn’t have them.

And I know plenty of aces who have fetishes - specific fixations which give them pleasure to pursue - that never have sexual gratification on their mind whatsoever.

What is a fetish? A fetish is usually like, a focus on something, an object or an action, so like… You fetishize, say, spanking, or stockings and high heels, or bondage, or stuffing (eating so much you’re full/being overfed). And people treat these things as sexual at their core, but like…

As a child, like, an actual small child at like, I don’t know, six, seven, eight, some of the things that featured in all my pretend games and my imaginings are now things that I would probably hang up on the wall with my fetishes, you know? I absolutely had fetishes in the sense that I had certain concepts upon which I fixated, and that I got way more excited about/fixated on more than other things, and that were way more satisfying to pretend about or be interested in - I know as a child I definitely thought about stuffing (which I obviously didn’t call that, then), but also about my interest in piracy, which like… Now, as an adult man, I would say that the extent of my interest in pirates, sexual or otherwise, is absolutely fetishistic, but as a child, there was obviously no sexual element to it at all, and I wasn’t even aware of it being like… a hyperfocus or fixation at all.

And if you talk to a lot of people who are into stuff like bondage talk about bondage, they often talk about childhood games where they were interested in being escape artists or whose childhood imaginings often involved being tied up and stuff like that, or people who really focused on certain cartoons and are now really engaged with furry fandom and so forth.

I’m not saying that kids have like, kinks, but I do think there must be an element to our behavioural development as children that leads to these fixations and focuses which we later carry into our adult lives, and while we call fetishes sexual in nature, I think that’s an oversimplification, because I think that while sex can absolutely be tied up in it, the actual… Gratification, if we call it that, the satisfaction that comes from taking these ideas to their end - performing a fetish scene, watching or reading a piece of media that focuses on that fetish, for example - is an intellectual one. It can be pursued sexually, but I think that to refer to fetishes as a purely sexual thing is kind of disingenuous, and very much an oversimplification.

A lot of fetishes aren’t just things that appear overnight when you go through puberty - some have their roots much sooner, far before any sexuality is even a concept on the horizon, and like…

To expand on that, we as a society “accept” (or expect, perhaps) a lot of sexual fetishes as par for the course in a lot of films that are made and filmed with the male gaze in mind. We aren’t surprised by upskirt/panty shots, or the fetish of women in wet t-shirts (which is very much a fetish, in that it’s a ritualised thing of semi-nudity, in public, etc), or like, voyeurism, especially in the frat/sorority setting. I mention these three because they’re very common in mainstream comedy films, and because they’re so common in those films as to be like… Almost expected as the norm?

Our treatment as a society of human breasts in general is hugely fetishistic, because they aren’t inherently sexual things, and yet we’ve made them into something much more significant than they are.

But there are common fetishes on pornography sites, like incest or what the industry calls pseudo-incest (with adopted or step-family), which like… You know, are hugely common on these porn sites and are so common as to be like, the subject of mockery by those that don’t share those fetishes, because they’re so common as to be difficult to avoid. Schoolgirl fetishisation is also terrifying, and again something that’s like, made into a thing by the mainstream male gaze…

But the thing is, a lot of people are growing into this society with these fetishes in the mainstream, and these fetishes develop like, you know, watching the clues to them show up  in mainstream television, to such an extent that it’s not even called a fetish?

But the thing that I’m interested in is like… the non-mainstream fetishes.

Like, for example, the stuffing thing, or like… There are people who are super interested in like, inflatable/balloon porn, or bimboification, or furries (as in anthropormophised animals as hotties etc), or that fucking guy who’s into Wonderbread, and like, a lot of these focuses start in childhood. You talk to people about their kinks, and they might mention, off-hand, oh, even as a child, I was interested in X narrative, but obviously, at the time it wasn’t a sexual thing, and to be honest, even later on, it still isn’t necessarily a sexual thing. Where do these concepts come from? Why do we fixate on them? Why do we then carry them into adulthood?

Like, people are always like “before you know it, if you get into porn, you’ll get suddenly way into really weird stuff”, but I’ve not personally had that experience - what I have had is seeking out a certain umbrella of fetishes that kinda scratch that internal itch that I’ve had since I was ye tall, and not in a way that’s like, specifically a sexual thing. I don’t know that I subscribe to this popular belief that fetishes are like… a side-effect of porn addiction, where you get into a weird thing because you read too much about it, or that a fetish is, in itself, an unhealthy/bad thing to have.

The problem is that we have like, such a taboo of sex, I think, that as soon as a conversation feels like it might possibly be about sex or sexual response, we shove it under the table, and we don’t want to talk about it, but like.

There are plenty of people who just get satisfaction - intellectual satisfaction - from say, narratives about inflation or about stuffing, or most of the furry content (which people make out to be WAY more sexual and inherently sexual than most furry content actually is), or whatever.

And because people have a difficult time envisioning that someone could be into like, talking animals (no one’s ever seen Disney Robin Hood or Zootopia?), or stuffing (no one’s ever seen any cartoon ever where a someone eats a comical amount of food?), or whatever else as being non-sexual, like… People fetishize tropes. People a lot of the time search for specific tropes, and I mean hyperspecific tropes, because reading them gives them more satisfaction than other tropes, but it isn’t necessarily a sexual thing.

I’m sure that a lot of people have been in the position where they search by like, a set of several tags to try to find a specific premise and execution of that premise on Ao3, because that specific premise just lights up the pleasure centres in their brain in a way that other premises just don’t, and they keep coming back to those premises for years and years.

If I talk to someone about stuffing or whatever, it’s almost impossible to imagine that it isn’t based inherently in sexual gratification for me, even though I might write or read a lot of non-sexual stuffing stuff, and is instead about the comfort of that fetishistic focus. And yet if I talk about my fixation on piracy, even when it is bordered by a lot of aesthetic attraction and engagement to pirates, and even when I’m explicitly saying shit like “yeah Captain Hook was my sexual awakening tbh”, people don’t view my interest in pirates as inherently sexual, even though my engagement with and interest in pirate tropes is… literally the same as the way I treat my engagement with and interest in stuffing.

In terms of definition, I would make the distinction that a fetish is a hyperfocus or fixation on a specific object, activity, or premise. Sometimes it’s sexual, but it’s not inherently about sexuality, but about some form of gratification, whether it be intellectual or sexual. A kink, in my own personal lexicon, I would generally define as being about control or access to a fetish.

And kinks…

I think I’d be hard-pressed to name a kink, I think, that isn’t somehow about control, whether it’s about losing/giving up control, having control taken from you, or taking control/taking it from someone else.

And like…

Especially when it comes to the kinks most people would call crazy even within fandom - stuffing is one of them, but like, vore, unbirth, bimboification, knotting and A/B/O, impregnation, tentacle sex, oviposition, body transformation, inflation, xeno sex in general, blah blah, like… A lot of these involve an unrealistic element to them which is nonetheless intellectually stimulating/gratifying for people to think about and write about or draw, or even, yes, to wank over! And I really don’t think that just because someone wanks over a thing it becomes like… somehow elevated or lowered than if it was a non-sexual fetish? If that makes sense?

Like, the actual behaviour is the same, it’s still about an internal gratification. Just because you find the gratifying element, sexual or otherwise, of it icky personally (God knows shit like vore, unbirth, and a lot of the stuff to do with A/B/O and pregnancy evades my understanding), doesn’t mean it isn’t like…

I don’t know, valuable, interesting?

One of the things I’ve learned about kink over time is how completely unexpected kinks can be shared by two very different people.

For example, some people are super into watersports/pissplay; other people find piss kind of gross, but might be very interested in power dynamics, control, and so on…

And so both the pissplay people and the power dynamic people might share an interest in omorashi, which is a kink to do with having a full bladder, and a lot of the time involves holding someone down until they wet themselves, or there’s a threat of wetting themselves.

The fact that this specific fetish exists, but that for two groups of people it’s satisfying, because of two completely different elements, is fascinating to me!

Like, loads of people are into A/B/O, but what part of it do they find exciting, or sexually appealing, or intellectually gratifying?

the implicit rape fantasy

the loss of control inherent when entering a state of heat/estrus and/or rutting?

the idea of a big, rugged figure overpowering a smaller one

is the animalistic, bestial element, which is often hugely racialised?

the body transformation element of a self-lubricating asshole?

bulbis glandis/the knot?

are you just a size queen? is it the size of the insertion that’s exciting?

is it the way that the two figures are knotted/tied together during/after sex, adding to the control thing?

is it the amount of come/slick involved? the fluids and mess?

is it the pain/overstimulation element?

is it the emotional catharsis?

is it the soul bond element?

is it the gang mentality in an a/b/o setting, where you’re “at threat” from multiple partners?

is it the power dynamics of a society?

is it because A/B/O allows someone to act out fears/worries we have in a male/female society where the lines of gender are equally fake and equally fictional but with a degree of separation because we actually do live with people trying to enforce a male/female society, but there’s a degree of separation in this fictional equivalent?

Or is it one of the other dozens of elements and fetishes that add to an A/B/O setting?

Like, there’s so many things that make up your average kink, and even your average fetish can come with like… completely different contributing factors that make it attractive to some people.

And I’m fascinated by that! I really am!

[stuclyblrs]

hi, would you have any tips on getting started with chinese? i would love to have a tutor and i think that would be the best way of learning but im completely broke, so which other ways would be good? i know its super difficult and im a complete beginner so i have no idea about pronunciation or symbols or anything so i need a good place to start. Thanks!

你好! so sorry about the late reply!! i started studying chinese with classes at uni so im not 100% the best person to ask about self-studying but i’ll do my best !!!

first learn pinyin and tones

pinyin actually isnt as hard as it seems tbh tones on the other hand are something i struggle a lot with even after a semester of college level chinese so dedicate a lot of time to this !! i recommend this playlist by yoyo chinese/yangyang chen. the first several videos cover tones which is followed by pinyin itself. i also recommend this video by her as more pinyin review (its very lengthy so i recommend watching it in chunks) and this video by her for tone practice. she also has a pinyin chart which is soooooo helpful! it has audio recordings of each syllable w/ the 4 tones + quick videos for the harder syllables (strongly recommend her youtube channel in general)

writing/learning characters

this basically comes down to practice practice practice !!! when ever you learn a new character look up the stroke order and only write it that way. it will make your characters look nicer and if you write the same way every time you’ll build muscle memory making it much easier to remember (writing characters that you’ve studied will come naturally this way) i use this website to look up stroke order for each character (you can look up the rules for stroke order but tbh i dont understand them so i just look up for each character). i suggest learning the 40 most common radicals first. understanding these will make learning meanings of new characters easier.

in terms of actually practicing i strongly do not recommend flashcards. i think flashcards are great for vocab in any other language but not chinese. they’ll help you recognize characters and associate them with meaning and pronunciation but when you go to write you’ll blank out (if you only look at the pinyin/meaning side and write the characters i think they’re okay but its kind of a lot of work) when i learn new words, i would write out about two lines worth of the character over and over again (i usually used printer paper rather than lined cause some characters are big and its kind of a squeeze - many people use hanzi grids to write). once i did that for every character in the lesson, i would write out the dialogue once or twice. after this i would look at the pinyin for the dialogue (covering the characters) and write it out again a few times until i made sure that i remembered every character. i like doing this because it ensure that i actually know the character and then im learning it in context rather than just knowing meaning. i also then look at the dialogue and write the whole thing in pinyin (covering the pinyin and looking at the characters) just to make sure i remember that too!

textbooks

for self studying i think getting a textbook and following it is one of the best ways to learn. it will have vocab and grammar that goes with it and will allow you to stick to a more precise learning schedule rather than getting lost on what you should study and what order to learn things. there are a lot of different books so i would look at ones that interest you and read reviews/watch video reviews on youtube to determine which is the best to use

the only textbook ive used is integrated chinese since thats what we used in class and i believe its a very popular one to use but i havent used anything else so i dont have anything to compare it to. there is a pdf of the third version here (dont think there are major differences between the third and fourth tho) i have seen people say that its not super good w/out a teacher but idk :// i feel like how my professor taught class wasnt completely based on the book - more her taking the vocab/grammar in each lesson and then making her own explanations/lessons based on that

other textbooks that i have pdfs on (have never used so cant give opinion on)

modern mandarin chinese grammar and a workbook (original post)

folder with a lot of stuff (original post)

another folder with a lot of books (original post)

helpful apps

pleco - dictionary app that includes simplified and traditional, example sentences and audio recordings of the words

hellotalk - im using this for korean rn and have had a general positive experience with it ! you can talk to native speakers learning english w/ the chat function and post “moments” publicly for others to correct. its super easy to correct sentences w/in the app (some people have had issues w/ this app in terms of people only contacting them to try and date but i havent encountered that yet) i used the moments feature a lot to post scripts and other writings for class so someone can look over it before i handed it in :^)

chineseskill - i actually havent used this yet but pretty much every chinese langblr recommends it! chinese duolingo essentially

other

some various other things that might be helpful for studying !

if ur interested my general tag for chinese, vocab, and grammar

favorite blogs @liu-anhuaming and @langblog

making a langblr/studyblr !! its fun, theres lots of resources, vocab lists, other people learning on here and making ur own posts is helpful in seeing where you lack some understanding about certain topics and for learning new vocab 

listen to music and watch tv shows/movies! its good for listening practice and lets you learn more in context

reading practice site - has different levels, you can hover over words for instant translation, and there is an explanation of more complex grammar

masterposts that i like (x) (x)

i hope this is helpful and if you have any more questions please feel free to message me again. good luck with your studies 加油！

[lynnneposts]

[SBS interview] “177cm junhwan cha, “i just keep growing”

an interview/article with junhwan published on may 1st. please note that i’m not a professional translator so some parts may not be worded as well as it could be. 

junhwan was born on the october of 2001, so he's not 17 yet. while his height is supposed to grow, he grew approximately 20cm in the past 2 years. he's 177cm at the moment, and it's not about to stop.

177cm is on the tall side for male skaters. in fs, most consider 160cm-165cm the ideal height for ladies, and around 170cm for men. "figure skating queen" yuna kim's height is 164cm, and two time consecutive olympic gold medalist "figure skating king" yuzuru hanyu is 172cm.

ofc it doesn't apply to all the skaters but in the case of singles, a tall height is a disadvantage for executing difficult jumps and fast spins. it also strains the knees and ankles. therefore, there isn't a lot of singles skaters who's over 170cm for ladies and 180cm for men.

at the 2010 vancouver olympics, evan lysacek(america) winning gold at men's singles became a topic that many talked about. (lysacek became olys champion without a quad at that time, which is hard to imagine in this era of unending quad competition) 

growing too much in a short amount of time will affect the axis in jumps and increase the risk of injury. junhwan went through the same problem. "i'm still growing these days, i'll probably grow more. it affects the technical side in practice, but we're taking good care of it."

when we asked whether his growing height worries him, junhwan laughed and said, "tbh, i try not to care too much about my height. it doesn't stop growing even if i ask and if i grow, i grow. i don't think about how much i want to grow. it'll just grow and stop someday." (t/n: the "if i grow, i grow" part is more in the sense of "if i grow older, i'll grow taller" since it's implied but he didn't word it that way so i'll leave it as "if i grow, i grow")

junhwan, who was on the stage for ice shows in korea, left for his training site last week in preparation for the upcoming season. before he left for toronto, we met junhwan and talked about a couple things.

Q: how do you feel after completing the ice show? 

A: we did 3 shows in 3 days, it was a great experience for me. i was very nervous since it was my first ice show, but we got to make a nice stage with famous skaters from around the world. it was satisfying.

Q: you prepared for the show with world class stars such as medvedeva and plushenko. 

 A: medvedeva, zagitova, vincent zhou and jin boyang were some skaters i've met before, we felt like friends, and it was nice to see them. this is my first time seeing plush, i learned a lot from him during practice, it was a good time

Q: the bts performance in the 2nd half was very impressive, you managed to do the idol dances well!

A: it was very fun for me as well. i didn’t learn the moves thinking of it as an ‘idol dance.’ i wanted to learn some more genres after pyeongchang so i learned to dance, it was really fun, and when i realized, i was dancing it at home. (laughs^^)

Q: korean nats in january, pyeongchang olympics in february, your first ice show in april... so many things already took place in 2018.  

A: yes. it was a good experience from nationals to the ice show. a lot of people were interested in me during the olympics and cheered a lot, and to be honest, the loud cheers encouraged me a lot. since (they’ve) cheered for me a lot and gave me lots of love, (to pay back,) i’ll practice more and prep more to show everyone the best i can do in the future. 

Q: you always had problems with injuries, how is your body at the moment? 

A: i was injured last season, i also had severe boots issues... my butt bloated and my wrist broke and i had to change my boots a lot, but it couldn’t be helped. there isn’t much i can do except take good care of it. since i keep trying harder elements and injuries are a natural part of jumping the quad. even if i get treatment in korea and go back to canada in a decent state, injuries happen again when i start practicing. about injuries, the best way is probably for me to just go with it and take good care of it. 

Q: did you really grow a lot? 

A: my height is about 177cm right now. it’s on the tall side for men’s singles skaters. 

Q: you’re taller than hanyu (yuzuru hanyu) right? 

A: yes. i’m taller than hanyu. the top five skaters in the world (hanyu, nathan chen, shoma uno etc) all seem to be shorter than me. 

Q: so you’re still growing? 

A: i still seem to be growing. i’ll probably grow more in the future. to be honest, the technical side during practice is shaky at times since i’m going through puberty, but (we’re) taking good care of it and trying to practice. 

Q: do you think about wanting to stop growing now?

A: i try not to care too much about my height. it’s not something that stops because i tell it to and if i grow(older) i’ll grow(taller). i don’t really think about how much i want to grow, it’ll just grow and stop someday. 

 Q: how are you preparing the quads? 

A: i’ve jumped the quad salchow well in the meantime. i’ve attempted the quad toeloop from last year but it’s true that the jump became unstable after i grew and went through injuries and boots issues. we rushed a little bit last season because of the olympics and such, but this season, we’ll prepare for the next goal in a slow and steady manner. i’m thinking about stabilizing the jumps, and when it’s truly stable, i’ll try to practice other types of quads. 

Q: the scoring changes will happen next season?

A: the scoring does change but i don’t think they’ll be any big changes in preparation(training). i’ll have to do the comps after understanding the changed rules well, consulting coach orser, and forming good programs. i think it’s important to increase the completeness of the elements as well as the jumps. 

Q: any thoughts about the music for next season? 

A: the music couldn’t be chosen yet. to be honest, i followed most of the choreographer teacher(david wilson)’s opinions so far. i think choosing a song your choreographer gives you will help match the choreo and the music better. but i might start voicing my thoughts a bit more this season, and choose the music accordingly. i haven’t chosen the genre yet but since it’s for comps, we’ll put some more thought into it. 

message from junhwan:

“hello, this is junhwan. so many people have cheered for me from the olympics last season to the ice show. thanks to your support, we could finish the season well. in the new season, i will come back healthier with more practice. thank you.”

as he went through the competition to win the ticket to the olympics along with his very first olympic stage, we were able to feel just how much junhwan grew and matured. like the message he sent to his fans, we hope he takes good care of his injuries and we look forward to his return in the new season. 

source : SBS news   original article: https://news.sbs.co.kr/news/endPage.do?news_id=N1004737832&plink=ORI&cooper=NAVER&plink=COPYPASTE&cooper=SBSNEWSEND  

translation thread also up on twitter, although it’s a lil bit messy: https://twitter.com/boyangsupremist/status/991198842757365760

[sometimesabsent]

Soul space

I can tell I haven't been taking enough space for myself lately. I've been distracting myself with small travels, socializing, stress, work. I'm soon starting work as a Montessori teacher assistant for 2-3 year olds!! With all these retrogrades it might not be the best time for a new start, I'm also constantly tired, but I felt like I had to. Maybe because I'm trying to prove to myself that I can. Maybe because I want a schedule, I want to contribute with something and to be in a community of like-minded people. I've set an intention about this a few months ago! My mantra was "I'm working in a harmonious place with authentic people, where I can use my skills to contribute and to help". I tried to visualize it, to really feel it- and it seems to have worked!

I made small rituals of letting go of fears about it. I made this decision consciously and if it doesn't work for me, I'll as consciously quit. I want to explore, I wanted to make a change (I'm also moving to a new city), if I would've stayed in the same space I would've felt really frustrated. Maybe change for the sake of change can also be intertwined with purpose.

I feel really angry lately. Really angry and also turned on, like all my frustrations and impulses came to the surface and they won't let me go back to my safe space again. I do try to get back in there though. I'm overeating again, I gained some weight, the healthy lifestyle plans from the beginning of the year are history. I feel stubborn, frustrated, pissed off, self-righteous and indulgent about my pleasures. I want to enjoy and enjoy and enjoy.

I can tell that I've slipped out of my heart. This anger has kinda taken over. I'm not doing stupid shit because of it, just being more difficult and distant with my family and mostly avoiding interactions with close friends. Everything and everyone annoys me!! It partially feels like a game that I could stop at any time, but in the same time it feels very serious and necessary.

Maybe I'm angry for having stayed attached for so long (9 years) to someone who doesn't want me; for having let myself stepped on, used, ignored (by my childhood best friend, my dad, Cristina, Morco, Isabella) (not blaming them, my passivity and my young-naive-kid behavior are pissing me off); for having given 5 years of my life to a college that didn't nourish my soul in the slightest; for having ignored my attraction to girls for so long; for having considered myself inferior and unworthy of love (still have some anger towards the ones who emotionally deprived me); for judging myself in comparison with other people and not daring to follow my own way, to do what I feel is good for me. FUCK THIS!!!

I like to be alone, I like astrology (fuck me, it feels so good to be able to be authentic, no more meaningless daily interactions at college with brainwashed positivists. See? I could've bee myself with them all along, but I didn't, I was too afraid or ashamed), I like girls, I'd rather do something for myself than for someone else. These are all truths for me.

I'm pissed off at my friends as well; when I feel that our friendship is just a huge stagnating game (with Adina; I'm sick of being coddled by her and I'm pissed off by her health complaints, her small interests, her and her friend's self-indulgent lifestyle) (as I am by my own- see, the self-hate game); when I'm tired of their emotional immaturity (Paul), their pretentious analysis of my psyche (Shane); I'm done with Isabella, at least that, I don't know how long I could've tolerated her anymore. I don't feel particularly kind nowadays. Yesterday I felt like beating dad up, I'm immensely pissed off at how he's so apparently spiritual and wise but he knows shit about himself, he doesn't see his emotional reactions, his defensiveness, addictions, vulnerability, he just covers them with philosophy. I'm fucking tired of listening to his bullshit. With mom I feel little emotional connection nowadays and my expectations of closeness and understanding are gone. It's a relief, no more neediness, yet in the same time I feel like I'm living with two strangers sometimes.

I'm dramatizing, I love them; but right now I need to find my own way. I guess this is what this anger's all about. Beyond all the blaming, which I know is a game (that I have to play to blow off some steam), I feel a deep need to trust myself, my path, the world. To stand alone and to truly connect. But mostly to stand alone right now.

It feels like a cold time, I don't identify with love, self-love, self-compassion, idealistic quotes about the universe; I want something more tangible, more practical and real. Maybe it has something to do with this abundance of Earth energy (Virgo, Saturn in Capricorn, Uranus in Taurus); I think there's even a Grand Earth Trine tomorrow! I'm tired of coddling myself and others, daydreaming, being addicted to fantasies, getting lost in fiction. I want to do something real and good, I want to work, experience, grow, while at the same time taking care of the one thing I found I truly need- solitude involving reflection, yoga, nature, shamanic journeys. That's the plan right now.

Tbh I'm not worrying about the weight issue. I feel like it will solve itself as I do my thing. I'll soon get the impulse to regulate my lifestyle better, again- then I'll follow it- then I'll slip- and so on, until something will crack or fall into place, my attitude will shift, the world will be a different place, and the whole cycle will start again, but this time on a plane that's a lil higher. That's all.

Long-term I want an astrology site and small business, but not right now. Maybe not even this year. I was thinking of a blog with general astro stuff, joined by a Facebook page where I post daily or weekly updates with cool pics. Maybe told in the form of stories. Maybe in a symbolic manner, using shamanic journeys or visions- I have trouble with interpretations anyway, maybe because I rely on logic too much and I get stuck. Maybe also an Instagram page with updates! Ahhh

While I keep studying - astro, dreams, tarot :)

And appreciate what is.

It's a fun process.

Wow I wrote so much!!

🌹🥀🌹🥀🌹🥀

[rigelmejo]

i found the little prince on the same site i found xiao mao stories on, so that’s great. i can now look up words by clicking them. so of course i did what i tend to do - and i reread chapters 1-3 actually looking up all the unknown words. It can’t hurt as review I suppose? And I comprehend things a lot more clearly the second time reading through. 

...although I know I am... defeating the point of extensive reading if I’m... intensive reading lol. Although... eventually the two things merge when you don’t have to look many words up? ;-; maybe?

anyway in a few days I’m gonna do my goals met post or whatever and. All I know is WHATEVER my study plan was? It ended up becoming lots of extensive reading (chinese), audio (chinese, french), flashcards (japanese). Also some miscellaneous writing (chinese), and writing/grammar reading (japanese)... but to be fair it was not very much.

 I also got so much done I’m really proud of myself tbh. Like. For japanese I got 318 grammar flashcards done, 430 vocabulary flaschards done. To me that is a big deal because once I passed 300 grammar cards, 100 vocabulary cards, I officially had reviewed all of the japanese I had studied years ago and moved onto completely new material for me. That just blows my mind. I reviewed roughly what I used to know in like 2 months maybe? And now I’m learning genuinely mostly new material which is so cool to me. Also I know that years ago I started reading manga and playing video games Before I covered this much studying, so at this point I am more prepared than I was last time I did it. For whenever I choose to do it again. 

The main thing that I think was not a success was listening reading method. I want to do it so bad, I like it in concept, I need listening comprehension improvements, and I like reading! But genuinely the fact I have to stay on the task for long durations of time is just so freaking hard for me. I have been able to do it in 20 minute bursts, but I still overall NEED like 1 hour a day along with the ‘breaks in between’ if I want to finish at a decent stopping point I can start from again later. It is really hard to do if I have anything else significant planned for the day. Maybe I will try it one weekend day or one day off. I realize now why the person who initially explained the idea tended to do listening reading for 8-10 hours a day for a week to a month. It is MUCH easier to do if you can do it for long periods of time - if for no other reason than KEEPING PLACE in text is so much easier if you DONT have to leave the text regularly. And then also, so much of its learning method involves repetition of common word usage of the book, so lots of consistent regular input of the words (like doing it a week to month straight) will provide more regular review of words than doing it one hour every week. 

I want to try this method so badly, and I think it would help my chinese a lot at any level (since I still have a long way to go before I have a “natural listening” ability of material of that complexity), or my french (because I know a lot reading wise I just need to turn that into listening comprehension). I have had some success doing step 2 of the listening reading method - and I know its simply because when text matches the audio it is so much EASIER to stop doing it, return later, and easily find your place to continue from. However, the issue with step 2 is - while it allows me to improve listening comprehension of words I know, it does not allow me to pick up new words as easily. And genuinely I DO think step 3 helps more with listening comprehension - because you have to rely so much on listening comprehension ALONE to follow where you are in the text (its also why that step feels so intense and is so hard to keep your place in). 

So anyway. Step 2 has been quite easy, and I have actually managed to do it a bit this month. But step 3 is just. So difficult for me to get myself to do. For Francais Par Le Methode Nature, now that audio exists I’m basically listening to that and then also reading along with the text when I miss a word (which is more just comprehensible input with a transcript?). With MoDu, I listening to the audio while reading the chinese and glancing at the english for some key definitions (I don’t feel it challenged me to practice listening very much though). With the little prince, I played chinese audio and followed along to the text (mostly to match sound to new words I picked up when I read beforehand). With the xiao mao smiling cat story, I also played audio after I read it, to match audio up with new words I’d picked up - that time by listening then glancing at the text when I didn’t recognize a word when listening. So yeah like, I have been doing variations on step 2 sort of, so I suppose I’ll see if it produces any significant benefits for reading or listening. I also listened to tianyake audiodrama yesterday without looking at the subs and that was cool because it was a test of my actual listening comprehension a little (except easier to follow since I know the story).

I also think doing L R with a parallel text is much easier - again, because you can easily keep track of where you are in the audio so for people like me who NEED 10 minute breaks constantly it makes the activity much easier. I am using a parallel text for MoDu now and I think that’s why I was able to do about an hour and 30 minutes this week. I was doing sort of step 2 (so it was easier), and I had a parallel text so I didn’t get confused.

other notes?

In a way I’m glad I studied primarily simplified chinese, because it kind of helps me keep japanese more firmly ‘separate’ in my head. Some japanese kanji look like the simplified, many look like the traditional hanzi, and some I think may be simplified in a different manner. Japanese kanji do not mean exactly the same thing usually, and their multiple pronunciations can get confusing for me. So when the kanji looks different from the hanzi - i recognize traditional hanzi somewhat, so I can usually still recognize them and their meaning, but I don’t immediately think of them when I’m writing/typing/reading chinese unless I’m on a traditional text website/novel/show. So when I see the more traditional looking kanji, I can usually recognize them if its a familiar character, but my brain doesn’t so automatically jump to its chinese pronunciation. Which kind of helps me to keep my japanese pronunciations Separated from my chinese ones. Right now some of the hardest words for me to remember the pronunciation of are when the kanji are the same as a chinese simplified word (全然， 全部，方向). They’re easy to remember the definition of, but the pronunciations that come to my mind are pretty much automatically chinese.  

Also the Nukemarine LLJ decks are really helping, there’s a reason I like using them ToT. All the vocabulary is presented individually, then in sentence examples, all with audio. And lots of audio and reading practice so I can practice both. The grammar decks, which go along with Tae Kim’s Grammar Guide, are more challenging but understandable even without referencing tae kim’s grammar guide (which is great cause i’m too lazy right now to read a grammar guide). Mostly though, I just love the improvement I see from it? It’s structured well, so you get a lot of grammar foundation, kanji foundation, vocab foundation, and the different courses reinforce each other. 

I recently opened clozemaster to try the japanese fast track again - every so often my mind wonders if I could learn a significant amount from Clozemaster alone lol and I want to test it. I do genuinely think if you used Clozemaster it would work as well as that old 10k chinese or japanese sentence srs flashcards methods (which did work for people they just sound awful if you hate flashcards like me). Sometimes I use clozemaster as a ‘graded reader substitute’ to bridge the gap in my reading skills so I can push into reading native material easier. I did that for french and it helped a lot then I stopped using it once I could read novels. I did that with chinese and it helped a little. But I read in chinese so much I ultimately study more stuff when I just read so now my actual vocab is ahead of where I am in clozemaster when I try it for chinese lol. So like... usually I read it as an upper-beginner aid to break into reading target language materials that aren’t for learners. 

Well, I love contemplating if I could just learn a language FROM clozemaster sentences primarily as the study method though lol. Well, once I tried testing that with japanese years ago! It was brutal! I was a mid-beginner who’d studied for 1-2 years, and it was brutal! So many unknown kanji, unknown grammar, it was a mess lol! Just barely doable, would not recommend trying as a complete beginner. Well this week I tried to use Clozemaster japanese again - and it went super easy. One unknown word a sentence, or no unknown words and I marked the sentences mastered. The ideal difficulty for using clozemaster to improve, and I did not find the sentence grammar or kanji too intense to figure out. So the Nukemarine LLJ studying is helping a lot. I must have a bigger base of understanding than I did last time I tried clozemaster japanese, just because the activity is so much easier.

and an observation about me? I am super motivated by challenges apparently. Specifically when I hear something’s been done, worked, and then want to test it myself to see if it does. It’s why I was able to study 2k chinese words last year - someone else did those specific words, then started reading, and I wanted to know if I could copy that (it did help, though in retrospect there’s slightly easier ways lol!). 

This month? I read some stuff about how graded readers help with reading speed - now bam I am devouring easier reading materials (I read 53 chapters so far this month, counting shorter graded readers as 1 for ever two chapter chunks). I realize the reading material is much easier for half of this, so its closer to 30 chapters read in terms of length - but that’s still a good amount of reading in a month! And I finished reading 3 books this month! Also I read recently that extensive reading helps with vocabulary, and making future reading easier. So SINCE extensive reading is so much easier with these books more to my level, I’m testing that by reading a LOT lol. And that tip also motivated me to find an ease rating for what I’m reading/plan to read, which I’m sure will help me pick reading material in the future more based on actual needs. Like if I want to intensive read I can pick a ‘harder’ text, if I want to extensive read I can pick an easier rated text closer to my current ‘ease’ level (or a little harder), or if I want to extensive read something hard I can know its hard and read a translation beforehand. Basically just... the info I found about extensive reading really MOTIVATED me into doing it. 

There’s finally audio of Francais Par Le Method Nature, and even that motivated me to listen to multiple chapters to just test if the book works! I know the book works, I’ve read like 200 pages of it before and its basically a huge factor in what helped me move into novels from graded readers in french... its dated but I love the book so much and wish the same technique style textbooks were in more languages. I read the preface yesterday, which is so much easier for me to read now versus when I first read it lol which just shows it helped once. And it covers 3000 words chosen from frequency indexes, introduces everything in french in a manner to help students comprehend the meaning from its context, includes a pronunciation line guide below text (though now that audio exists its so nice to use!). This book’s designed to get a learner able to move onto target language materials for native speakers afterwards, and it SHOWS. I never even completed the book and only read it and it helped so much. I’m finally listening to it now, and in awe of how comprehensible the audio on its own is. Anyway this book’s concept always felt like something I wanted to test and proved if it worked so, if I have time...

Nukemarine’s LLJ i’m pretty good at sticking to, because its structured and has a claim about what I’ll be able to do when I’m toward the end of it - read japanese. The courses used to be called Standard Guide to Japanese Literacy SGJL. They were originally made to help japanese learners push into reading - and a lot of the related immersion tips/activity that go along with the guide also contribute. I imagine it got renamed something more general - Lets Learn Japanese LLJ - either because it wasn’t quite enough for novel reading, or it made more sense to call it something broader. 

I would love to have the motivation to test Listening Reading Method and prove if it works or not and how much ToT. It frustrates me so much I can’t remain focused long enough to do it multiple hours a day (whereas shows and books I can, since I can take breaks easily between moments). I already tested several hours doing it (specifically step 3), and I can confirm it at least improves listening comprehension of what you already partly-know. The little L R i have been able to do, boosted my listening comprehension of shows/audiobooks/audio dramas NOTICEABLY within a few hours of doing it, and with every few more hours I do it. So as a upper-beginner/low-intermediate learner (?) L R step 3 helps a lot with dragging listening skill up to match reading skill. And it doesn’t take much to see benefits. But I haven’t done L R enough to test how much totally new material you can learn from doing it - I’ve done enough to pick up a few words and phrases, but most of the benefit was half-learned words becoming more fully learned and instantly recognized in listening instead of requiring me to pause and think and get lost.