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Title: and when i’m back in chicago i feel it (another version of me)
Fandom: NCIS: Hawai'i
Relationship: Lucy Tara/Kate Whistler
Rating: General
Chapter Word Count: 7,088
Chapter: 5/5
[read from the beginning]
Chapter Summary: Lucy grumbles and scoots across the bed until she can throw an arm across Kate’s lap and bury her face against her hip. It’s far too early to function, and she wants nothing more than to curl up against her girlfriend and go back to sleep, 7:30 a.m. departure time be damned.
“You should probably think about getting up soon,” Kate says, somehow managing to sound both fond and admonishing all at once, “We have to leave for Chicago in an hour.”
“Don’t care,” Lucy whines, “Too comfy.”
“Come on, my sweet, I’ll make it worth your while,” Kate says, suggestion lacing her voice in a way that makes Lucy perk up a bit.
“Oh, yeah?” she asks, pulling back just enough to squint up at Kate in the faint blue light.
“Oh, yeah,” Kate says with a smirk, wiggling her eyebrows, “if you get out of bed right now, you’ll be greatly rewarded.”
Warmth pools in Lucy’s stomach and she hums in interest. “With what?”
“With,” Kate drawls as she traces a single finger down the side of Lucy’s face, causing goosebumps to break out over her whole body, “one last half hour of Whistler family time and a twelve hour trip home.”
Lucy groans and shoves her face back against Kate’s hip.
#kacy#kate whistler#lucy tara#ncis hawaii#ncis hawai'i#kate x lucy#lucy x kate#kacy fanfic#kacy fanfiction#my writing#honestly kind of sad that this fic has come to an end but also very excited to share it!!#and start working on something new!#so until next time :D
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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they licensed his ass
my finished piece of the FWMS (official name definitely 100%) thing we started a few days ago! I had fun I hope folks had and/or continue to have fun with the sketch as well.
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhsy#riz gukgak#Fuck With My Sketch#I mean it I'm gonna use that. gotta stop me if u dont wanna#doing things like this is bittersweet bc this slaps and I look at this and Im like well. I will never be able to nail this look again#I guess that's the plight of self taught art. but also it means you have to learn to let go and go look for different delights#you can't get too attached to one way of doing things. you will find many new things on ur way to make more funny bictures n such#this slaps tho Im so happy with how this came out lol. its be a long while since I last drew something in this vein#appropriate that its for riz lol he deserves it. he deserves the photoshoot pieces#funny enough this also kind of was prompted by drawfee? in one of the episodes I was binging (I thiiiink the one bg a day ep)#jacob brought up one of the artists I follow on twitter (havent been there in a decent while lol) who uses a pretty distinct#blue-on-red palette that got me to think abt teal-on-red and then this happened#funny enough I did start the piece with teal-on-red but then I shifted to blue after and was like wait I love this suddenly#and then committed lol. I should work with teal-on-red properly more but for now! we have fun! we enjoy#thats my journey thank u for listening. thank u for drawing with me if u have and come hang next time if u havent
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They're the best of each other!
#Something that was meant to be just a quick little drawing of Pete and Steph#I really havent drawn them all that much#and i wanted to work on my steph design#I have a ton of art in my drafts that I have yet to post#so i'm just posting these while I work on more pulp art#idk i thought this was cute#Oh guess what- i got a new facts book#so i'm gonna start doing the fun facts again!#fun fact: squirrels can climb trees faster than they can run on the ground#there are so many squirrels where I live and just about everytime I'm driving in my neighborhood I get scared I'll hit one#the little shits just really love sitting in the middle of the road until the last second smh#hatchetfield#starkid#team starkid#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#starkid npmd#steph lauter#stephanie lauter#mariah rose faith#mariah rose faith casillas#pete spankoffski#peter spankoffski#joey richter#my art#lautski
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Mental Health Tip! Don't skip meals lest you be fighting demons
#Big Hero 6#BH6#Hiro Hamada#au stuff#uhhhh#cw existential dread#I guess? Not really the exact emotion expressed in this specific instance but it is the overall issue#something something Hiro survivors guilt he keeps avoiding because that's a whole nastier can of worms than standard grief#“I'm moving on from Tadashi's death so I'm almost good!” he says meanwhile the EVERYTHING ELSE is still waiting to be unpacked#Cus like fun fact about grief caused by loss bet money that grief is not going to be the only thing you gotta work on healing#humans brains are really funky about death especially when it happens spontaneously when you least expect it#Anyway reminder that self care and mental health is not linear there are days you think you're good and then you Find Out#but that's okay#so yeah this was supposed to be a quick warm up doodle for another drawing but I ended up messing around with it and now its a thing#I did find a new way of sketching I think I like so we'll see how it goes#been busting out the solid 3px pen I used to used back in 2018 when I started drawing art for the series that's been fun#god bless tags man great for yappers
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how am i meant to ha wahoo yippee through life in these conditions
#vu talks shit#in this past week i have#gone to urgent care without insurance#paid about half my bills#been reminded that i still owe someone another near 200 for a trip i leave for in TWO DAYS#AND i paid for a rental space for something that i am ADMITTEDLY VERY HAPPY ABOUT BUT STILL SO BROKE NOW#and i have done ZERO grocery shopping#and im not sure i have the money to do grocery shopping right now#but im scared to look at my bank account after shelling out nearly 1k on everything else#AND i have to take my cat back to the vet soon cause she's starting to have asthma attacks again#i need to put everything new in my shop and put shit up for pre order cause i got charms im working on#but mAn i just#cannot afford the distractions rn#vent#AAAAAAAAAAUGH#i didnt wanna put that but i am stressing in the tags now
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ain't just the temperature
#art#drawing#comic#comics#ocs#honeybee#grimm#yarrow#my art#deciding to finish something i sketched out months ago instead of starting a yet another new wip everybody clap for me#i don't even wanna know how many honeybee wips i have. i can go in and count but. i will not be doing that#maybe i should pick that one larger comic back up though i could stand to work on smthin a bit more involved#idek how many consecutive 100°+ days we've had at this point. it's been cloudy this week though which is nice
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overgrowth and languor
[recommended you click and zoom] (alt versions below)
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#eyestrain#HI i am So kinda proud of this actually#still can't tell if it looks nice but!!!#//click and zoom piece again !! i was starting to think i had just given up on ever doing that again hvbhs#//!!!!#so happy i've finally finished it yay!!!#ik i used to average like working 2 days on a piece at one point but i was not nonstop-working on those so lol#//tried something with the background!!#and the inks!!#drew a cat which is very swag!!#the colours are a WHOLE new thing and i love colours that are yellow on the wheel but brown on the canvas!!#REALLY love the blue one (i wanted to have a night version and that's close enough :D)!!#i like the little orange painting in the background (a LOT)!!#overall i am changing my verdict and saying Yeah i AM happy with this lol#//but yeah gonna go post on artstreet now lol :3
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#why no one told me that trying to get in the “grown up life” is so stressful when you have zero experience in a real work#All the skills you have are not enough#At the same time you didn't have rest at all after graduating because of the outside pressure#And I feel like I became deadly annoying#Let me complain a little bit I swear to god this is like 2 time after college when I want to complain at something I'm not that strong#What do you mean there is no sign “We want YOU as our worker!” ahagsha funny#I have to learn about 2 new programms on a basic level at least#Learn new things on Toon Boom#Prepare different portfolios when turns out I barely have something I can show#I was thinking too little and now I barely can think and I start being irritated at myself yet can do nothing since my brain rebels#Okayyy just 2 more months to see if something will turns out good out of what I will be doing
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DanDaDan ダンダダン
[ 1 / ? ]
#dandadan#ダンダダン#anime#anime gif#animeedit#fyanimegifs#takakura ken#ayase momo#dandadanedit#some gifs#i started a new job and i don't know what ''free time'' means anymore#capitalism at its finest#just working eating and sleeping...#if i manage i'll upload new gifs soon#maybe#there are many scenes that i liked#i wish i could animate something *void intensified*#gifset#asukachii
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Want to know what I believe? It's right here
Dig a little deeper and it's crystal clear
.
(WIP)
#atla#avatar the last airbender#zuko#atla fanart#prince zuko#atla art#clear#twenty one pilots#wip#atla zuko#baby zuko#agni kai#Some random general#I have literally nine projects going on#And I started this thing today *sigh*#Good news! If I have the chance to work on it then it'll be ready tomorrow#Be prepared for some angst#fire hazard siblings#This for you two my sweet little turtleducks#You know those moments when you're listening to a random song and a particular lyric just *smacks you in the face*#Well...yeah#I present to you: TØP x ATLA#Because I can#And because Clear is SO Zuko/Royal Family/Iroh coded it's not even funny#I mean#“Where's your home? Where are you going and why are you here? Have you asked these questions? Have you been sincere?”#“I will tell you what I can but your mind will take a stand. I sing of a greater love. Let me know when you've had enough.”#If these aren't the most Iroh lines you have ever read then *takes out a gun* our deal is off#“Introspection is the name of this session. Spread this infection. Reflect it on the next one the next one the next one.”#“And when we're done we'll all have made something new under the Sun.”
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~☕🌸
#pokemon#professor sycamore#pokemon sycamore#pokemon lysandre#perfectworldshipping#this started off as me wanting to draw sycamores new outfit and then things happened#a couple of doodles that i decided to make into a sequence of sorts and just...OOOOUGH.....THEM.....#my art#it feels nice to draw something after working alot;;;; get to finally catch a break heehoo#what are they saying??? you can decide :3 asdhkaASDKAJ#dialogue and writing is hard KASDKJASD
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(i n / s p)
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#something something mobius helping loki take some time only for the two of them to lose it even faster 🙃🙃#new year new techniques to properly convey the most tragically beautiful ship in existence my roman empire my everything#this has been ringing in my mind for them so loudly it's almost driven me insane lmao and yes expect equally angsty mobius sets to follow#requests first though which i'm starting now!#shoutout to getting the don funko today which tbh gave a serotonin boost to finish this in between my hellish work schedule 😅#he inexplicably got shipped in a package marked 'high priority' FOUR times doubled boxed and wrapped in three different paddings#aka what he deserves <33#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs#flashing cw
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some WIPs from the 80s AU i never finished
#so… hi#i think…. i might start making some stuff here soon#i’ve been gone a lot longer than i intended to be#& i feel a lil bad about it bc i really miss my boys & bein here & all that but#idk it’s just been a rough month#but i’m starting to get the itch to create again#i have a very silly idea for the mbz AU#i also just really want to draw some stuff#i miss making things. i’m going nuts. i’ve hardly done anything fun in WEEKS#i’ve sort of started working on some new OCs but ngl#doing anything that doesn’t involve dhes or kel genuinely feels like i’m betraying them#but i have a concept that i really want to explore so that’s what i’m trying to do#i have been working on a few AUs here & there too but#but mostly nothing fun#i need to do something fun while i still can bc i’m starting at uni next month#& i just know i’m gonna have shit for free time then#i’m taking all in person classes which makes me very nervous#i’m trying to be excited about it but mostly it’s just causing me anxiety lol#but anyway. um. yea. hopefully i’ll catch up on everything & reply to the tags/asks i’ve gotten since i’ve been gone#if i reply to something you said/sent to me a month ago… pls just act like that’s not weird. thanks.#rainyrambles
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all good?
if ur referring to the art block/being frustrated w my art donot worry its natural to happen 🫡 doing studies made me feel much better and so did talkng to my friends
#trust this happens like once a month or so it was just BAD the other day#growing up in the hater era means every so oftwn i look at my work as if i were someone who despised me#like 'how does the hypothetical person dedicated to hating me see my art' and it makes me feel like my art is so pointless and meaningless#because i draw a lot of what i draw for fun!!! if someone were trying to justify its 'right' to exist theres very little that Does#beyond just. i love to make art. it makes me happy. i like to share it becayse it makes other people happy#but when i start feeling that way instwad of wallowing i just drill sgt my self and learn something new#because i cant feel useless if im growing#i can feel BAD but usually learning stuff and doing things that are deliberately hard for me makes me feel better
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(It's ok Yurgir will respawn in Avernus)
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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#...right- LOL#I was so scared of losing anyone I pretty much only summoned Yurgir!#ok let me ramble about this fight in the tags#I.....listen. Listen. I love this game with my entire heart. It's one of my favorite games of all time.#.....the final battle took me out of it a little bit ngjfkdlnshjk#It introduced a bunch of new mechanics and maybe I'm dumb but it felt like it wasn't super clear how everything worked#First I restarted it because I dropped a globe of invuln on the starting area thinking Orpheus could just activate the stones from that far#Then I restarted it bc I basically ran out of time on the rounds...except I didn't realize the fight would continue since every other-#-turn-based round counter was usually a game over#THEN I actually summoned the flaming fist to help clean up right at the end which made the camera SUPER confused when I went in the portal#It was a mess.#I still give the game an 11/10 tho lmao#Oh also Orpheus did something - I don't know what - and then the dragon just died with 120hp left. So. Good job buddy LOL#Lae'zel ended up killing the Emperor - I'm sure she enjoyed that#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#act III spoilers#croissant adventures#tav#prince orpheus#yurgir#shadowheart#lae'zel#gale#breadweave#comics
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