#and specifically what the main is thinking ABOUT while they're happening

[storm-and-starlight]

having a mild freakout over forgetting a major canon event that actually influences literally everything about the character whose POV I am not only writing in but whose character arc is literally the driving factor of this entire goddamn fic

[patricia-taxxon]

cw: venting about some drama that happened on twitter that many of you were likely not present for, and my very personal solipsistic emotional reaction to it that many of you will find annoying.

So every once in a while, people (normies) rediscover this furry musician called Pent Up Pup, who is a fan of me i think, so I need to be nice. To describe them with complete neutrality, they make music that is completely filled with memes and signifiers of furry kink erotica to the point of parody, and they invite a huge amount of derision like you'd expect. This particular drama storm was triggered by their new song, and it aroused a lot of negative emotions in me, which i'll go through from least to most self-centered.

So firstly, through being so audacious, Pent Up Pup has managed to become the default furry musician through which all discourse flows, normies treat them like the final boss. Everyone needed to have a take, but even more people saw this as an opportunity to bring them down in favor of someone else. Some poor furry rapper called $LEAZY EZ got caught in the crossfire, and her snippet that she uploaded got met with "see? finally some GOOD furry music, this is way better than the one other furry musician I know." And like, yea I'd absolutely produce and mix an entire mixtape for her at no charge, but she had a right to be upset that her big viral break was in service of a bunch of leeches one-upping another creator in the space she was trying to integrate with.

But worse, the main response to her snippet was just... "Oh, finally, furry music that isn't white boy EDM." And like, Pent Up Pup isn't white and imo is way more aligned with alt-rock/britpop, they're just imagining a minority that agrees with them. But also, the more self centered part of me just wants to ask "what about me?" Like imo I'm one of the best in the world at the specific thing I do, and it's not white boy EDM.

And furthermore, in response, every furry musician on twitter has been eager to defend their friend and say that trash talking Pup and uplifting someone else doesn't work when everyone in the scene knows each other. "Don't you know? We're a tight knit community!" And to this I feel a combination of petulant annoyance and RSD, because I have been trying to be a part of that scene and failing for a long time now. Like, I tried integrating into the community when I was first gearing my music in that direction & tried sending my music to the failed beta version of Aural Aliance, and Rinny turned down my track (it was the then unreleased beast / creature) because it had autotune in it. They apologized later (thankfully) and offered me a spot, but like, half of their lineup and also the people organizing the events have me blocked over callout stuff, so I just ghosted them. I've mostly been watching this huge unfair drama storm unfold, making me feel talked over, but then I also have to watch this community that ostracized me band together and show their unyielding comradery while everyone just sidesteps past me in the conversation. I warned you that this would be self centered.

[tlbodine]

So, Things Are Terrible and You Want to DO SOMETHING

The election is over and, ah...did not go well. While a lot of folks are doing a post mortem of the campaigns and trying to understand what happened with the vote and fighting over who shoulders the blame, we've gotta turn an eye toward the future and figure out, okay fam, where the fuck do we go from here.

I don't have all the answers on this, and I'm not an authority by any means, I'm just a horror author with a blog. But I've been thinking a lot about it and I wanted to share my thought process with others who might want to DO SOMETHING but feel they're spinning their wheels.

Buckle in. This will be a long one.

Step One: Understand the actual risks and stakes.

I think it is very easy to start panicking now about the worst possible case scenario -- jackbooted military busting into the door to disappear everyone who ever said something mean about Trump or bought a banned book or something -- and let fear turn into inaction.

I'm not saying things can't get that bad, and I'm not saying that it won't be absolutely terrifying right out the gate for some particularly at-risk groups -- but the distance between "now" and "V for Vendetta" is long and filled with a lot of intermediary steps. There will be so many opportunities to prevent the worst case scenario.

I say this because, if your mental image of "Bad Things Happening" is The Purge, it will be easy to wake up on inauguration day, look outside to see that the world is not on fire, think, hey, maybe things will be okay after all, and then completely disengage. Alternatively, you might feel so frozen with terror at the possibility of persecution that you do nothing. This is why people are saying: don't obey in advance.

It is essential for those of us with more privilege to use it to take care of those who are more vulnerable.

So. Who is most vulnerable? What does that vulnerability actually mean? What are the most likely risks of Trump's presidency? Here's a Guardian article that I think does a good job of summarizing some of the main issues. Go read that, then come back here.

Step Two: Take steps to protect yourself

You've gotta put your oxygen mask on first, right? So before you start getting involved in other causes, figure out what risks YOU are at, immediately, and do as much as you can to secure yourself. Some potential action steps depending on your circumstance may include:

Renewing your passport (helpful for leaving the country, but also for gender/name change purposes)

Getting vaccines / boosters

Securing birth control

Ensuring your necessary papers (birth certificates etc.) are where you have access to them.

Drawing up legal paperwork for spouses/partners (always a good idea, a helpful safety measure in case you lose marriage rights)

Bolstering your data privacy and online security. Here's a step-by-step guide I found that could help with that.

The specific steps you need to take here depend on what risks you, personally, face. You'll want to do some more research into this for your particular scenario.

No matter who you are, though, it's probably a good idea to start saving money and being a little more conservative with your spending and/or pay down debts to free up some cash. You don't know what kind of emergency may befall you, and having spare money for an emergency is never a bad idea.

There is a possibility that the cost of many things you rely on might go up, if Trump goes through with his tariffs plan. You will want to plan for that.

Food costs may also rise due to tariffs (we import a lot of food from Mexico and Latin America for example) as well as a loss of immigrant labor. There is also a possibility that food safety standards could fall due to overturning regulations. Now would be a good time to look into local food resources like farm share/CSA, community farms, etc., and to stock up on a few key staples like rice and beans.

Okay. Now that YOU are reasonably safe...what can you do to protect your community?

Step Three: Get Involved

Here is your mission: You need to stay engaged enough to know what's going on, without burning yourself out or exhausting yourself, and to take actual decisive actions instead of wasting your energy arguing on the internet.

Got that? Okay. Good. Here are some action steps:

Support independent journalism. Subscribe to local papers, donate to and watch public broadcast programming. I signed up for news from ProPublica, for example, as well as the news-roundup service What The Fuck Just Happened Today. The goal is to stay informed without falling down an endless rabbit hole of upsetting information.

Share news and resources with others in your circle. This can be a good use of social media. It's what I am doing right now!

If it is safe for you to do so, challenge and educate your friends/family members/neighbors/coworkers. Only if it is safe for you to do so. Do not put yourself at risk doing this. And do not waste your time arguing with people who are unlikely to change. But if you have well-meaning people in your life who you think could be won over, look for opportunities to do this - the right way. I've had some success with this, I will probably write a guide about it in the future. In the meantime, here's a good article that can help.

Join local grassroots activism groups. You'll have to do some work to decide what groups to join and which causes you want to support, because you cannot do everything. But there are tons of organizations taking direct action in all kinds of causes. Search "grassroots [cause] activists in [where you live]" to start finding things. Once you get involved in one group, you might meet people who can introduce you to other groups and causes. Yes, this means you will have to go outside and meet people. I'm sorry.

Join direct action groups. Same concept as above. You'll have to search in your area but once you know people it'll be easier to find more opportunities. Some of these groups may overlap. You might find direct action opportunities by engaging politically and vice versa. GO OUTSIDE AND TALK TO PEOPLE WHO ARE DOING THINGS TO HELP.

Get involved in local politics. Here are some quick tips. A lot of things are affected at the city level - stuff like book bans and bathroom bills are often battled first at local libraries and schools, and you can be part of those conversations! Sheriffs are elected and can have a big influence on local policing. Local elections affect how tax dollars are spent, how homeless populations are treated, and lots more. Don't snooze on local elections. Get involved and stay involved.

Look up your representatives. Get in the habit of calling, emailing, and writing letters. Figure out what legislature is being passed and then call your reps and harangue them about it - both to support bills you approve of and shoot down ones you don't. Sign petitions. Join email campaigns. Here's one you can go sign right now from the ACLU. See? Not that scary.

I think a lot of people figure that getting involved in politics doesn't matter or that it's all small potatoes but...man. The president is not god, no matter what he thinks. The sitting administration is not the sole power in the universe. There is an entire machine of government we can lean upon and act upon.

Finally, some general safety notes:

Some forms of direct action are not legal. Take steps to be safe if you choose to partake. Follow the lead of more seasoned activists for what forms of communication to use and so forth.

If you're not willing or able to put yourself at legal risk to act, you can help others by donating to bail funds and legal defense funds.

We've already seen this in some areas, and it will only get uglier - some bad actors are feeling emboldened by the change in regime and will misbehave. It's a good idea to learn some self-defense skills, in whatever way is comfortable to you, and brush up on some tenets of victimology that can help you stay safe. I'll write more about that in the future.

All right. That's all for now. It's by no means comprehensive...but should hopefully help you get started taking the next step. Stay safe out there.

[drchucktingle]

Hello Dr Tingle! I wanted to ask you about that re: your post about how all your books are serious literature (hell yeah Love is real). How do you personally deal with the whole traditional publishing institution? It attracts a whole different level of coverage and it seems that they're very quick to try and box you and like turn you into a brand. Is it stiffling? Is it freeing? Does the attention help more people understand your trot? I don't know I've never been published but since you have experience in both traditional and self publishing I'm interested in knowing how that's feeling for you

well this is a pretty complex question with lots of different trots but i will try my best to answer. lets start with WHO I AM as buckaroo name of chuck

what i create has a very strong voice and my way is pretty recognizable. while buckaroos do not know what most authors look like, i REALLY stand out in a dang crowd with a big pink bag on my head. if you see 50 random author photos and mine is mixed in and then you ask 'which photo do you remember the most?' it is probably gonna be chuck. i also have a VERY UNIQUE STORY with what i create and my artistic sensibilities, not a lot of buds are out there making trans mothman erotica along with their big five traditional publishing bestsellers (SIDENOTE preorder BURY YOUR GAYS)

now if you were going to take 'CHUCK TINGLE' to a marketing department they would FALL OVER BACKWARDS IN THEIR DANG CHAIR with excitement. it is hard to think of an author with a stronger BRAND than i already have in the sense of 'instantly recognizable trot and specific unique style'. even in answering this you can tell that i dont even TALK like other dang authors.

what i am getting at is this: i am VERY VERY LUCKY because my existence just so happens to equate to what a company would see as GOOD BRANDING. it is not intentional on my part, it is just the hand of fate i guess. im out here expressing myself in a FULL ON WAY that is PRETTY DANG STRANGE TO SOME and it just so happens to work as mainstream branding too

on paper you might think 'what the heck no way chuck tingle will fly as a mainstream trot' but honestly the main thread of this timeline can be surprising sometimes. ive been saying the key ingredient for years and i will say it again: LOVE AND SINCERITY RESONATE. when you make art with this fuel, the timeline will feel it. when you stand up tall and shout with your whole chest THIS IS MY WAY AND I LOVE MYSELF. I AM THE WORLDS GREATEST AUTHOR TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, the timeline will listen

so all that said, i do not mind the idea of myself as 'brand' because i am not CHANGING myself to create this effect. what some might see as 'brand' i just see as another part of my art. i have always believed that art is THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE not just the painting but what is outside of the frame. WHO I AM is just as important as the books i write, and interacting with my way is a whole MULTIMEDIA experience that INCLUDES YOU TOO. it is the feeling when your friend shows you your first tingler cover, or the feeling when you realize that i am not playing a character. this is ALL a part of the tingleverse and it is all a part of my honest raw expression as a queer and neurodivergent buckaroo.

YOU ARE PART OF THIS ART TOO

it is my nature of have a PUNK ROCK trot. always has been. but to me that does not mean just angrily going against everything for the sake of going against everything. for me, this punk rock trot means fighting to EXPRESS MYSELF IN THE MOST HONEST AND PURE FORM POSSIBLE and to create the art that i want to make without any boundaries

somehow i have threaded the needle in this really interesting once-in-a-dang-lifetime kind of way. my pure punk rock self as an OUTERSIDER ARTIST just so happens to resonate with this larger system of brand and traditional publishing and popular culture. i COULD reject this, but rejecting it would be LESS HONEST.

this is just who i am. i LIKE pop culture. i LIKE joy. i LIKE dressing in all pink and wearing my custom suits. I LIKE PROVING LOVE IS REAL WHAT THE HECK ELSE EVEN IS THERE? i love being a queer outsider artist and using my small voice to shout at the big bad devils and i like that every time i shout a few more of you buckaroos join the chorus and together we are just getting louder and louder and louder and WHO KNOWS what comes next for us all trotting together.

when i post something like 'WHAT A GREAT DAY TO PROVE LOVE' it is not me sitting here in a bad mood thinkin 'well i gotta make todays post to keep up with my brand'. i am ACTUALLY FEELING THAT FEELING and i actually believe it with every fiber of my being. honestly, half the time i post about the beauty of this timeline i am probably over here literally crying tears of joy (chuck is an emotional bud i get riled over the joy of existence A LOT)

and heres the best part of this trot: because i really have this punk rock way it makes me very powerful. others can pretend not to care about success and brand and all that but I REALLY DO NO CARE. i would write tinglers whether buds were reading them or not, this is just my natural state, and that makes me incredibly strong. if some big corporation says 'YOU MUST DO THIS' and i dont want to do it i just say 'no thanks'. it is not some big debate about my career or anything like that because I REALLY DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST. i care about the art

because of this, my relationship with my GIANT TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING MACHINE is great. we trot like equals and we get along really well. i tell them exactly what i want to do and they let me do it. i really do not have to answer to anyone and they deserve a huge amount of credit for respecting me in this way.

and heres the thing, THEY ALSO HAVE SOME GREAT IDEAS

SPECIFICALLY my imprint of NIGHTFIRE is very dang cool. yes, they are the head of a giant hydra of a BIG FIVE PUBLISHER, but nightfire is SO DANG ART-FOCUSED

there is no right or wrong way to be an artist, and my path is not the only one, but i can tell you what WORKS FOR ME. this is the advice i would give myself, and buckaroos can take it or leave it

here it is: never beg the big book publisher, or record label, or movie studio to pay attention to you

do not let it become a lotto ticket in your brain. do not think that you are some weak little creature and maybe if you trot just right they will scoop you up and take care of you. do not go to their door begging to be let in

LET THEM COME TO YOUR DOOR

create something so incredible and beautiful and honest and powerful and unique and important that they would be foolish to miss out. create a community or a system or a timeline or a world of imagination that thrives on its own and THEY SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO BE A PART OF IT

then when you sit down at that board meeting it is not 'please brand me, ill do whatever you want'. instead, it is 'lets make a deal and see how much love we can prove together.'

now lets trot buckaroos

[rubra-wav]

how do you think Hazbin Hotel characters would react to a demon with butterfly wings?

The main Hazbin cast x Butterfly demon reader

Part 2 >

A/N: This wasn't really specific with what charas specifically, so I'm just doing the main cast. I'll do a part 2 with more characters, though, if it's wanted (sorry)

Reader's wings are written as colourful and proportionate to their body, so they are pretty big.

Realised there's a 10 image limit per post, which is bs. Isn't how i normally would have liked it to be aesthetically bc of that 👎

Cw: Sfw, slightly suggestive stuff in Angel's, reference to decapitation and cannibalism 💀, kinda a bit angsty in Angel's and Vaggie's, gn! Reader

Charlie

- Charlie would be absolutely delighted by you, no doubt about it.

- She wants nothing more than to be in a place that's vividly colourful and (assuming reader is a somewhat colourful butterfly demon) you'd be that for her.

- She also probably just really really likes butterflies in general though, let's be real.

- I can imagine her just staring at your wings with absolutely starry eyes while complimenting them.

- "They're so pretty ohhh my gosh!"

- I imagine her being lightly jealous, she'd love to have wings like a butterfly.

- Would probably ask if she can touch, and look somewhat sad when told no due to how it would cause your scales to come off. (Assuming reader's wings are the same as normal butterfly wings)

- It may get somewhat uncomfortable if you don't like attention, she would definitely fixate heavily on them. Tell her to stop though and it's making you feel weird and she will tone it down though.

- If not, though, enjoy the attention you're gonna be getting from Charlie over them.

Vaggie

- Vaggie would likely be a bit uncomfortable about seeing demons with wings in general due to her history - let alone you with beautiful, delicate ones.

- I think she'd secretly be hiding some angst and jealously about your wings ngl.

- When she sees Charlie fawning over them though oh boy.

- Yeah she's not gonna be happy about them then. She doesn't blame you or anything for how she's feeling as it's her issue and she knows that, but it still hurts quite a bit - especially in the beginning.

- It gets less and less bad though the more she gets used to it, she kind of just becomes 'meh' about it - especially if you ask Charlie to stop being so gaga about them.

- When she gets her wings back, though, I think she'd come to think they are cool. A normal level appreciation though.

- I can half see you two helping each other out with your wings down the line if you two get closer though.

- There are some things that come with upkeep so wings don't become damaged and stuff, so the people who also have wings? Allies 100%.

Angel

- I'm gonna be fr, the first time your wings come out he's probably gonna be panicked due to his baggage.

- Especially if it happens when you're angry.

- He's probably gonna need reassurance you aren't gonna try hurt him tbh.

- As sad as it is, his trauma would definitely play a part in his initial perception of them.

- After he recovers a bit and stops immediately going into fight or flight and seeing you =/= Val though, the switch up is insane.

- He would be all over you about them.

- I can imagine him calling you a bunch of butterfly related petnames.

- If you remember the 'make those wings flap' comments he made about Husk, its gonna be that on a hundred.

- Even if it's just joking flirting about them, it's gonna be constant because he thinks they are beautiful and it's a lot of material considering you're a butterfly and he's a spider.

- I feel like he would touch them at some point without really thinking and pull his hand back to see your scales have rubbed off onto his hand and go ''oh shit.''

Husk

- I don't think he'd have much of a reaction to it at all - at least not initially.

- Of course he acknowledges that they are very pretty, but he won't comment upon it much at all unlike the others.

- Possibly may make reference to it when crafting bitter statements directed towards you, though.

- Down the line, if you grow closer to him, I can see him as actually being concerned about your wings.

- They are extremely eye-catching and unique for a being in hell, and due to that, it could lead demons to actively target you

- Whether with overt aggressive intentions to take your wings and sell them, or with more covert problems like you being scouted for modelling (ie. By Velvette)

- I can see Vaggie and you trying to set up a wing maintenance group and trying to include him in it. Him being vehemently against it to a level that's almost comedic.

- You eventually convince him even though he's complaining the whole way through it. (He is lying and actually enjoys it).

Pentious

- He wouldn't like them at all in the beginning.

- They're big and bulky and get in the way of everything, including him.

- The amount of times he's accidentally fallen due to 'tripping' on your giant ass wings is greatly irritating and embarrassing to him.

- Possibly thinks you keep trying to kill him by tripping him.

- Could also see his 'hair' (idk how to properly refer to it, haha), accidentally brushing up against your wings with how expressive it is and getting your scales all over him.

- Basically, he doesn't like them because he's clumsy but will take it out on you.

- I also get the vibe he'd be jealous because of how eye-catching they are.

- In his mind, if he had wings like that, then he'd surely have been acknowledged by the Vees in some way.

- If you change your habits with your wings to be conscious of him not being able to walk normally and start getting onto better terms, though, he will likely become appreciative of them and stop being so pissy about them.

- They are very cool looking to him, and once his poor attitude wears off about them, he'll come to admit that.

Alastor

- He'd actually be somewhat weary of you in the beginning.

- It's nature's law that creatures that do not bother to hide themselves are not to be messed with - especially in a place like hell of all places.

- When he sees that you just happen to be particularly colourful, he drops that, though.

- He'd honestly probably be thinking of what it would be like to eat a demon like you after confirming you are, in fact, not poisonous or dangerous at all.

- He doesn't much care all that much for the intrinsic beauty of things as long as they aren't utterly ugly, and as long as they aren't obnoxious and in your face.

- Depending on how bright and vibrant they are and how much attention you bring to them, he may actually dislike them.

- If not, though, he acknowledges they are nice to look at, but again, doesn't really care about them outside of theorising how they would be to eat.

- Would probably make comments about how he could "just eat your wings up," or ask you about how you taste just to try to freak you out.

Niffty

- When she sees them, her eyes grow wide in a mixture of surprise and awe. At the exact same time, an unhinged smirk spreads across her face.

- She then proceeds to leap at you, scissors or whatever sharp object is closest to her raised at your wings.

- She'd be absolutely trying to take a piece out of them for her 'collection' 💀

- You're gonna need medical attention after she's done with you because she's hellbent.

- Her obsessiveness over your wings would vary depending on your gender but either way, she'd be trying to get a piece of them for herself.

- Definitely abnormal level of appreciation of them in the absolute worst way.

- If you can get her to stop instantly trying to cut off parts of them, she's still constantly trying to touch them. You need to complain about your scales every damn time she tries to reach out to touch it without fail.

- it's like your wings are a beacon, and she's the insect gunning for it ironically.

[schoenpepper]

Isekai'd Chronicles: The Ball

Intro: It's that one big party event thing that is absolutely vital to otome games.

Warnings: bad writing, awful grammar, proofread by quillbot

A/N: The beginning of the end(ings) is here! They're all written already, so I'll be scheduling two per day until the very last day, in which it'll just be Vil's ending (because I tripped and accidentally turned his ending into a full oneshot, you know how it goes). Happy reading!

Masterlist

It's the fourth years' graduation ball soon! You don't know many fourth years because they're all off campus and on internships, but the ball itself holds quite the significance to you. Or more specifically, the main characters (that, for the life of you, you still cannot find). They would choose a certain ornament that would prove they had chosen a specific ending, or all of the available ornaments if they were gunning for the reverse harem ending. Then, after tonight, you (the villain!) would perish in vastly different ways for even attempting to get in the way of their love. You don't think that'll still happen when the story's missing a few key components, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared, right? 

You and your first-year friend group are out on the town today, sipping on drinks and eating some pastries while chatting about random things. The topic turns tense when they ask you about something you've been hoping to avoid.

"Hey, Y/N? You got a bunch of accessories and stuff from the upperclassmen, right?"

Right.

You're allowed to have a 'date' to the graduation ball, and you and said date would match some items on your outfit so that you would complement each other. If someone wanted to ask someone else to be their 'date' (it can be very friendly companionship), they would send over a certain accessory as an invitation. Which is probably what those ornament thingies were in the original game. The problem you're facing now is that your upperclassman friends have all sent you a little something that would likely match their outfits on the night of the graduation ball.

"Can't I just come with you guys?" You ask sheepishly, and they all give you a disgruntled look.

"Yeah, no, we don't really want to be targeted by your friends." Ace shrugs.

Thus, as you prepare for the ball, you hide a few weapons on your body just in case disaster strikes (by disaster, you mean the bad endings) and stand pacing in front of the bed. Choices choices…

All fourteen of them.

They all look beautiful with differing kinds of charm, but you have to make a decision on which one to wear, and soon. The clock strikes five p.m., and you really need to get to the carriage as fast as possible. You can choose just one, or if you feel like it, you can even wear all of them! Or you can wear a select few, or just not wear any of them at all.

Go ahead! Make your choice.

The snake bracelet

The diamond encrusted bracelet

The shell earrings

The black pearl earrings

The mushroom earrings

The arrow ring

The rose brooch

The amethyst ring

The clover brooch

The blue opal necklace

The gold choker

The orange bead choker

The silver vine ring

The emerald ring and bracelet

One seashell earring and one mushroom earring

Wear all of them

Wear none of them

[smallmightsupremacy]

Izuku isn't losing his arms and here's why:

Okay so I know that we're all freaking out over that one manga panel, but we really shouldn't be.

Deku isn't going to lose his arms. It's all in his head.

Just stay with me.

First and foremost, look at the reactions from the characters when they join the battlefield. Specifically Aizawa:

What about this screams 'one of my students just lost both of his arms and may not end up having a future as a hero anymore?'

You would think that if Hori were to really go through with Izuku losing his arms, he would put more emphasis on the characters' reactions to make it more impactful, right?

To further reinforce this idea, we also need to consider the significance of Izuku's hands in Katsuki's arc. Whether you view their relationship as romantic or not, you can't deny that Izuku's hands holds significance to Katsuki. It represents the time when their relationship first fell apart, and I think in order to call their relationship fully 'healed' and complete Katsuki's growth, he's going to need to accept Izuku's hand again.

I mean, look at how foreshadowed the handhold is. There's no way they're not going to be holding hands by the end of the series. It's a necessity at this point.

And yes, you can argue that they already did hold hands, but to me that handhold didn't seem like the official one. It wasn't as impactful as it could've been. Now, while I'm not saying that the handhold didn't have any emotion to it, I feel like it's impact got a little diluted by Katsuki's revival. It wasn't the main focus. I think that the proper handhold is going to come later and be in it's own moment.

And, I mean, Izuku kind of needs his hands for that to happen.

So now you may be wondering, if Izuku hasn't lost his arms, then how do you explain what's happening to him right now?

Well, like I said earlier, it's all in his head. I think it's AFO fucking around with his mind.

I think AFO is somehow manipulating the vestige world and OFA mental connection he was with Izuku to make him hallucinate that he's lost his arms. He wants Izuku to crumble, and what better way to do that than to convince him that his dream is over and that there's nothing he can do?

I feel like this has also been foreshadowed in a way too. Take a look at this picture:

This image already foreshadowed Ochako getting stabbed in the chest, so perhaps it's also foreshadowing Izuku's fate?

The knife is in his head, so perhaps it's hinting at him being affected psychologically?

Also, the idea that it's only those that are connected to the vestige realm that can see the illusions that AFO is planting would be a great way to get Katsuki to be a part of the final fight too.

We already know that's he's going to be involved somehow. Hori himself said that the ending for mha was going to be better than the ending for Hero's Rising (the one Kats and Izu share OFA), and what better way to improve that than have Katsuki come save him from the mind fuckery?

I also think that finally having Izuku and Katsuki fight side by side has been foreshadowed for a long time, and if that really were to happen, then there's no better time for that than the final fight.

Also, Katsuki's really the only one that can save Izuku right now if my theory were to be true. He's the only character that fits the very specific requirements that Izuku needs (being connected to the vestige realm, and also having a willingness to save/help Izuku).

Speaking of, Katsuki being connected to the vestige realm was a shock for us all, and it doesn't make sense for why Horikoshi would show us such ground-breaking information if he didn't plan on using it later. This has to be the later. There's no other case where I can see Katsuki's connection to the vestige realm being implemented into the story again other than this.

So here's the TL;DR:

Izuku is being mindfucked by AFO and Katsuki is going to be the one that brings him back to reality

[personasintro]

Mutual Help | #45

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it mutual help

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jungkook x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, mature content

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 11.6k+

⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢ 

It felt like a dream at first.

During the night, you'd dream about what happened the entire time just to wake up, glancing at the ceiling of Jungkook's bedroom immersed in darkness and falling asleep right away. As if your mind couldn't believe that it really happened and as soon as you wake up, you'll be hit with the reality.

But somewhere in your drowsy state of waking up, it all hits you twice as much when you pry your eyes open and stretch comfortably until you think; Fuck, I just gave head to Jungkook yesterday.

You can't believe how bold you were last night, without being wasted and you wish you could blame it all on alcohol. You know your own horniness had a lot to do with your decision to blow your best friend out. Living from yesterday's euphoria, you didn't think about it that much during your shower time, you just replayed the memories while smiling to yourself with a tingle between your thighs but you didn't mind. Somehow, giving Jungkook head was the main priority and source of your pleasure.

Freshly out of the shower and in Jungkook's bed, you don't remember him joining you as the sounds of him taking a shower lulled you to sleep. Even when you made it out of the bathroom, he wasn't in his previous spot and you weren't exactly looking for him, too sleepy to bother yourself of what could happen now.

But being completely awake, horniness gone and everything else as well, the walls of Jungkook's bedroom stare mockingly at you. Almost as if they're saying "Hey bitch, welcome back again" and you're reminded of how it felt to be sharing the same bed a couple of months ago when it wasn't all what you were doing here.

Cheeks hot, you drag the duvet over the half of your face – an awful attempt to make yourself invisible because there are more things to be nervous about. For example, Jungkook is nowhere to be found. It's hard to describe what battle you're feeling inside right now. The both of you wanted it, it's simple as that and even in your and his dazed state, Jungkook has assured you you're not his distraction which makes your heart soften even when you think about it right now. You're adults, you surely can talk about it maturely. So, why the fuck are you so nervous of facing him? You wanted it to happen so much, you can't explain how much you wanted something intimate to happen which resulted in your desperate need to blow him in his living room on his couch.

And when you got to that, you were pleased. You remember that feeling of want and need, so you understand your choice and you don't regret it happening. Until you realize if this could possibly make things weird now. Sure, you had sex before but that was because it was something you talked about, it was a deal. Right now, it happened spontaneously and you've let your needs take over.

In Jungkook's perspective, he couldn't believe what happened as well and spent the entire fifteen minutes under the shower replaying the entire night – mostly one specific part of it. But by the time he wanted to address it the same night after his shower, he already found you asleep cuddling to his duvet and he took that as a sign to let things be for now, and let himself relax and sleep.

Jungkook doesn't let you relax though – at least that's what you'd tell yourself if you had the time to properly think about it – because the door of his bedroom opens and there he is. In his full glory, not giving a fuck about your mental health while being shirtless, wearing one of those grey sweatpants he owns and likes to wear. It's a double attack with his tattoos on display and long hair tucked away by a hair tie in a half-bun.

The shadow of the sunrise peeking through his blinds sets on his eight pack that he has worked hard for and if you peeked even closer, you'd finally notice the trail of hair slowly disappearing under the hem of the grey material. And the soft yet very much noticeable bulge thanks to his package is giving you a very nice imagination of what it exactly looks like at the moment. And man, you're swallowing dryly with eyes so wide that it makes you want to pull the duvet on your whole face to cover it because Jeon Jungkook is wearing no underwear and it's pretty obvious.

"Great, you're awake," He has the audacity to sound light and cheerful, as if you weren't having his cock for a late dinner.

You watch him walking towards the dresser in the corner of his room, pulling out one of his t-shirts that he throws over his shoulder and decides to make you suffer for a little bit longer. At least that's what you silently tell yourself, stubbornly staring at his face instead of his holy body.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Jungkook looks confused, pinching his brows together as your grip on the duvet tightens. Is he serious?

"You're shirtless, Jeon..." you murmur, frowning back at him as his features relax and a chuckle erupts out of his mouth.

"Let's not get shy now, can we?"

Mouth falling open, there's a pang in the pit of your stomach of excitement and disbelief at the same time. He's so blunt, the little grin on his pinkish lips makes you want to roll your eyes but also grab him and kiss him. And touch him.

And then you notice something different about him. You couldn't quite pinpoint what it was, until you realize it's the new addition to his ink on his biceps, close to his shoulder. "You've got a new tattoo?"

Jungkook follows your line of vision, dropping his eyes to his new tattoo which looks like a flower but he stays unphased. "Oh, yeah," he says as if he just remembered, "Did it a few weeks ago."

"Oh," Your voice muffled, you look at the corner of his room for a moment, not sure what to say but you feel the pressure of his eyes on you, which makes you glance back at him. "It's nice..." you murmur quietly, not even sure if he heard it but he probably has because the corner of his lips lifts up.

He doesn't thank you verbally though, keeping his eyes on you as if he's trying to figure you out but ultimately, he sighs and sits at the corner of the bed where your legs are. "Why are you hiding?"

"What?" you ask, voice still muffled and then you realize what he's talking about. Slowly, looking almost petrified for Jungkook to see your face, you pull off the duvet and give him a crooked smile.

Knowing Jungkook from all these years, you recognize the knowing look he gives you. "I think we should talk," he starts slowly, addressing the elephant in the room. "About yesterday."

"What's there to talk about?" you chuckle awkwardly, mentally giving yourself a good slap on the cheek for even questioning it. Of course, you know there's a lot to talk about. But something about Jungkook, staring at you with those dark and doe eyes makes you want to hide and never come out. At least not with him in a radius of hundreds of meters.

"Come on, let's not do that," Jungkook chuckles lightly, "I think we can both be wise about this."

He's right. You're acting ridiculous and so far, he doesn't seem to be mad about what happened and maybe it's your wishful thinking, but he doesn't look as if he's regretting it either so far. But of course, you wait for him to open his mouth before jumping to conclusions.

Growing even more embarrassed about your behavior, you sigh and slowly sit up, exposing more of yourself by letting go of the duvet completely. "I'm sorry... I just didn't know how you'd react."

"I'm reacting fine," he laughs a little, "It's not like it's the first time we've done something like that."

He means giving him a head. Being intimate.

"It's not..." you murmur unsurely, "But it is the first time that it happened without us talking about it, I mean... without us having a deal. All of those times before, we knew that some things would happen and now..." you trail off, slowly looking away.

"Well, you seemed determined to suck my dick."

Snapping your eyes towards Jungkook, you find him amusingly grinning at you as he jokes. And you want to laugh but you mask it with a little frown. "And you wanted to have your dick sucked, so I guess we're even."

He laughs at that, causing your facade to break and you join, feeling the awkwardness slowly fade away but not just quite completely, it's still there.

"I guess we are," Jungkook smiles, "I don't want things to be awkward between us. We both wanted it and it happened. We know it probably wouldn't happen if we didn't drink yesterday, I don't think none of us would have the balls to make a move."

He is completely right about that.

"We weren't drunk or completely wasted as well," you say which he nods to, agreeing with you. But still, you both have loosened up yesterday and that has prompted you to listen to your body, instead of your brain. "I'm sorry, I should've controlled myself better. I don't know what came over me."

"Hey, why are you apologizing?" Jungkook frowns, asking you softly. "It's not like you came all over me. I wanted it as much as you wanted to. I wasn't sure if it's the wisest decision but at that moment, I didn't care that much."

He did want to tell you something but you cut him off by kissing him. Then he simply kissed you back and no words were exchanged about it later on. That's what he probably wanted to tell you – he wanted to make sure if it's the right decision but one look at each other and all of that was gone.

"Do you care now?" you ask carefully, eyeing his reaction.

"I don't," he admits, "We can pretend that it never happened and move on, if that's what you want."

But something about it makes a bitter taste on your tongue. It is the wisest decision though, just to let things go and forget them. However, you know yourself and you know you won't be able to forget it. Just Jungkook being here, sitting here looking like this makes a mess out of you.

As much as you don't like where this is going, you won't be the one proposing something you'd probably regret later. You're such a mess, you've no idea what to do because every possible possibility has cons.

You wish you could feel more of Jungkook, you've to admit that you're sad at the thought of not being that close to him again. Your hormones are a freaking rollercoaster and he's fucking hot, making things way harder for you. There's attraction between you two and you both happen to be single, which made all of this easier and that's how you ended up in this situation.

"What's wrong?" Jungkook asks, tilting his head to the side as he catches your eyes.

"Nothing," you answer, but you sound unsure even to yourself. "What do you want, Jungkook? Do you want us to just forget about it?" you ask simply and curiously.

He doesn't understand why you can't just simply answer, why do you always question him before you admit what you're thinking. There are times when you're like an open book to him, but right now it's tough to guess what you're thinking. Something doesn't seem right though.

Little does he know, you're letting him answer first to avoid any embarrassment if you admit that yes, there's a selfish part of you that wants to get that taste of him again. But the wise part of you knows it's not the smartest idea.

"I think," he starts slowly, "tipsy us probably let that happen because it's something we both wanted. It happened and it's either we ignore it, or... I don't know." he admits, failing as he chuckles at his attempt which makes you laugh a little as well.

"What if later on we realize it's not something we can't ignore?" You find the guts to ask, bravely holding the gaze he gives you but he seems a little bit puzzled about what exactly you're thinking. He doesn't want to assume.

"What do you mean?"

"Jungkook, I was ready to get on my knees to suck you off just because I was horny and couldn't stop touching you," you almost exclaim in a chuckle, growing frustrated at yourself and most importantly, what you were capable of last night. "It's like I had no boundaries and--the last thing I want is to ruin things between us and I fear I can't control myself next time."

You're breathing heavily by the end you're done, pursing your lips at Jungkook's big eyes full of surprise. Oh, shit. Did you just completely fuck this up?

"Then don't," he suddenly says, leaving you speechless. "I mean...why don't we just let things happen? We've done it before, under different circumstances yes, but we're both, obviously, attracted to each other and we're single. The only thing I want you to know is that you're not my distraction from what happened and I'd never use you like that. I know I told you last night, but it's really important for me that you know that. Last night surprised me, yes, but I wanted it as much as you did. We have done this before and we're fine--"

Yes, fine it terms that you can't stop thinking about his naked body and he probably ruined any future partners for you, but hey, you get the point. You're still best friends and you both had separate relationships, real relationships that weren't just two best friends with benefits.

"Yes," You cut him off, embarrassingly fast and the sight of Jungkook shutting his mouth makes you want to laugh, but you keep your face straight as you clear your throat. "I mean... yes, you're right about that."

He just nods, scratching his chest a little and you're trying way too hard not to follow the movement. "Why does this feel awkward?" he chuckles, causing you to snort.

"I don't know... maybe because we're circling around the topic of us hooking up."

"Yeah," he laughs, "But you're way more important to me than sex... I can keep it in my pants."

Yes, but you probably can't.

"I'm actually more worried about me than you." you joke, but there's a lot of truth to your words and with or without Jungkook knowing, you get a proper laugh out of him as his nose scrunches cutely.

"I think we should just go with the flow, you know?" Jungkook proposes, "Just to know we both are okay with this should be enough for now, and let's just wait and see what happens."

You nod, even though you take a moment to take in what he has just said to you. "Yeah," you breathe out, "You're right."

Basically, he just told you if you ever have the need to suck his dick again, you can. Mentally laughing to yourself, you steal a glance at Jungkook who looks as spaced out as you and you take that opportunity to look down his chest, almost salivating right away and you've to remind yourself that you're supposed to go with the flow. Not wanting to repeat yesterday just at the first sight of his naked chest. Unfortunately for you, Jungkook looks at you at the exact moment you try to pry your eyes off him, noticing the way you were just checking him out which makes him let out a breathy chuckle.

"What?" you ask too quickly, eyes snapping back to his face, failing miserably at trying to act as if he hasn't just caught you.

Biting his lips, he tries to hide the grin that stretches on his lips anyway as his eyes shiver with something amused and mischievous. "...nothing."

"Okay."

"Let me kiss you."

He wants what? Your eyes bulging out, you stare at Jungkook in shock as the two of you talk at the same time and his request completely takes you by surprise.

"Kiss me?" you ask dumbfoundedly, but Jungkook just nods firmly as if he's hundred percent sure of his straight-forward (and shocking) request. "You just said we should wait and see."

Most importantly, why would he want to just kiss you? Right now? You just woke up, knowing you look like a piece of shit.

"I also said we should go with the flow," he points out, grinning, "And you've been checking me out ever since I came here,"

You scoff at that immediately, embarrassed inside how easily he noticed that but you don't say anything else.

"Besides," he starts, voice turning slightly more serious which catches your attention. "We're both sober now..."

Oh, so he wants to try and kiss you sober? Is he having cold feet already? That settles an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach and you already hate it. You're overthinking everything once again but there's also a pang of excitement shooting right where the discomfort occurred first, because Jungkook wants to kiss you. Even if you're looking like the mentioned piece of shit – your hair isn't brushed and your eyes must be swollen, you haven't even had your first trip to the bathroom where you could make yourself look more presentable--

"I haven't brushed my teeth," you blurt out, making Jungkook snort and laugh at the same time, although you just stare at him with furrowed brows. "What? I'm not kissing you without me brushing my teeth."

You're completely ruining this, you're aware of that and even though there's not a bad taste in your mouth, you wouldn't be able to live it down if you kissed him with a bad breath. Especially if it's just the beginning of something, something as you both hooking up again.

Jungkook rolls his eyes which makes you mimic his actions because it's easy for him to say. He's probably been awake for hours now, looks cleaned up and definitely has his morning routine done meanwhile you...

He stands up, walking towards something that lays on his floor which you notice is his camera bag once he lifts up. Rummaging through there for a while, he pulls out something you see when he sits back down on his previous spot and hands you--

"Mint dragees? Seriously?"

"Come on," he orders, motioning his head towards your hands to urge you and take one as you roll your eyes, but still doing what he wants. What, you're not passing out on the chance of kissing him. Besides, you're also curious if things happened because you were sexually frustrated and tipsy.

"Done?" he asks as you swallow the final piece after a few seconds of chewing, the sweet yet minty flavor present on your tongue.

It's better than nothing but still, seeing Jungkook sitting here looking like this and in a close presence, you grow nervous all of a sudden, especially with his eyes on you. And when he scoots closer to you, you stare at him as a deer caught in headlights.

"What? You don't want to kiss me?" Jungkook teases, lifting his hand to poke you in your left cheek as you can't bring yourself to scold him, but just stare at him and most importantly his lips. "Are you shy?"

You scoff, wanting to nudge him in the shoulder but the exposure of his skin is already enough and you're too much of a coward to touch him, only because you can't guarantee what you would do next.

"I am not!" you exclaim, denying the obvious. "You're the one who wants to kiss me! How am I supposed to react?"

Jungkook is the one who scoffs this time, but it's very short-lived because his lips turn into a smirk. "You gave me a head yesterday and now you're all shy about a kiss?"

He's teasing you, making fun of you and when he sees your scandalized expression that turns into annoyance just makes him laugh even more.

"That was different..." you murmur.

He knows. You had courage thanks to the alcohol, horniness and sexual frustration as well.

"Keep it up and I might think you're in love with me." he jokes, wiggling his brows as you snort loudly and scrunch your nose.

"As if!" Scrunching your lips into a frown. "You're the one who wants to kiss me." you grumble childishly.

"I want to do more than that but first," Your mouth opens in another surprise, breath hitching and heart picking up its face, you feel your skin getting hot and flustered all over again. "You have to allow me to at least kiss you."

"More than that?" you ask quietly, voice breathy as if you just ran a mile and it's so embarrassing but you can't help yourself but ask as Jungkook bites into his lower lip and gives you a curt nod.

You stay glued to your spot, toes already curling but you don't let yourself take a first step as you patiently wait for Jungkook who seems to stare at you with a very specific dark, yet soft sparkle in his eyes.

"Yeah," he breathes out, inching his face closer to you to the point his scent gets closer and you've to remind yourself not to get all hot over the scent of his aftershave. It is one of your main weaknesses and it's the worst around Jungkook because he always smells incredible. There's something about his specific scent that makes you go wild and you realize how easily you've picked on it ever since you met.

Jungkook brushes some of the messy strands of your hair off your face, fingers brushing against your cheek before he cups your jaw, long fingers holding the back of your neck as he abruptly pushes you closer to him. You almost bump with your noses and you let out a surprised squeal, snorting at yourself right after which makes Jungkook grin.

He's surely taking his time for a simple kiss, you think but Jungkook proves you wrong once again because one second he gives you a glance and the next he presses his lips onto yours. Your brows shoot up for a second but your whole body relaxes at the tenderness of his mouth on yours. You've no idea what Jungkook had in mind when he asked to kiss you, but he's definitely not aiming for a single peck and doesn't waste time over something that wouldn't make sense, because he starts moving his lips right away. You join him, letting him lead the kiss but putting just as much effort into it as he does and you hold yourself back from moaning when you feel the first traces of his tongue.

Allowing him the access, your tongues touch for the first time this morning and even if it hasn't been that long since the last time you made out, it feels exactly like that. Jungkook is intoxicating, ruining you for others but as long as you get to enjoy him for a while, it's none of your problems at the moment.

The hold on your jaw gets stronger but not enough to hurt, quite the opposite because you feel another wave of heat washing over you, the underwear clinging to your heat. Luckily, your lower body is safely hidden under the duvet from Jungkook's eyes.

The kisses turn sloppy and you both have to pull away to catch some breath because once again, Jungkook manages to knock the breath out of you and you find yourself gasping because Jungkook doesn't rest, kissing your jaw and down your neck. Automatically, you give him more access by tilting your head to the side, biting onto your lower lip while you finally allow yourself to touch him too.

Your fingers naturally find their way to Jungkook's hair, the one that isn't tied in a bun by his hair tie, and you press your neck even closer to his mouth while Jungkook leaves open-mouthed and wet kisses. Thanks to his shirt that you're wearing, there isn't much skin and place to kiss you as he's met with the hem of your shirt, so he makes his way up again until he's kissing you on your mouth all over again.

Gasping, just as your body naturally moves, Jungkook impatiently tugs the duvet off you and with hands on your hips, he urges you to sit on his lap. You do and what a fucking mistake that is. You should've thought of you wearing only panties that you wore to the club yesterday, the lacy ones which are doing a poor job at covering your lower lips at the moment. You always wear them when you're going out, not in case you'd hook up with someone and want to be sexy for them. Not at all. You wear them to make yourself feel more sexy, even if it's not the comfiest underwear.

The quick movement of you getting onto Jungkook's lap caused the underwear to shift, but even that is the least of your problems because there's another thing you forgot about. And your earlier notice of Jungkook's crotch area is proved right because this man is wearing no underwear. There's no way he is because you can feel his cock perfectly, settled right between your legs as you sit on top of it.

"Ah, fuck," you manage to whisper between the kisses.

Jungkook's hands disappear under your shirt, big hands touching your back and meeting your hot skin. You're so into this, into him, that you're not thinking straight and you let your body do its own thing. Somewhere in the back of your head you know you're just listening to it, your body and what it wants, but when you grind against Jungkook's crotch it comes out as a surprise to you as well.

You're done for, you should've known that ever since Jungkook asked to kiss you. No. Ever since he walked through that door shirtless, showing off his buffed out chest that is brushing against your front right now. Nipples perked up, there's no chance that Jungkook isn't feeling them even though he's busy with his mouth and hands. You feel your heat pulsating with need, walls clenching around nothing that makes you frustrated but the solution is easy when you grind for that friction of Jungkook's hardening length again.

He grunts in response, mouth on your neck as he gently bites into it which makes you shamelessly moan and grip his hair tighter. The simple action of his gentle bite, your hips start to move without stopping, grinding against him as you cup his face to take a look at his face. His eyes are hooded, looking partly fucked out while your breaths mingle together and this time you're the one who leans down to connect your lips in another heated kiss.

Jungkook bites onto your lower lip, hands sliding down your ass as he cups it and squeezes the flesh. "Fuck, Kook," you whimper, feeling his cock growing rapidly as it hardens even more.

You can clearly make out its shape and just the thought of it makes you clench around nothing, wishing it was Jungkook's cock instead. But you're patient, completely fine just with what is happening right now. Burning up, you pull away slightly which makes Jungkook's brows pinch together in confusion which you notice, until you take off his shirt you're wearing.

Shamelessly, Jungkook ranks up your exposed chest with hungry eyes, meanwhile you throw the fabric to the side, wrapping your arms around his neck again. Your perky breasts on full display, you see Jungkook licking his bottom lip and you straighten yourself, wanting to nudge him so you can continue where you left off. The erected nipples brush against his chest for a few seconds before he holds you by your hips, pushing his weight onto you until you're easily flipped onto your back.

Jungkook hovers over you, smirking down at you as you stare at him with wide yet lustful eyes, fully spread for him just in your panties.

"Don't just stare, do something." you breathe out, urging Jungkook to make a move which he does gladly, but not before ogling you for another second before he settles between your legs.

Leaning down, he starts peppering rushed kisses down your neck, kissing places he hasn't done and were covered by his shirt that is long forgotten, thrown somewhere on the other side of his big bed. He kisses the top of your breasts, between the valley as you arch your back for him, shivering underneath his sinful mouth. The sound of his mouth and kisses he's showering you with makes you let out a breathy moan, hands on his firm back.

The first contact he makes with your nipples makes you moan out his name, mouth enveloping your nipple as he sucks on it, letting his teeth graze over the sensitive bud here and there. He plays with you, smirking whenever you whimper but he takes his time, doing the same thing with your other nipple. When he's satisfied, he pulls away slightly to stare down at your sensitive nipples and saliva coating them. His eyes trail down your body, from your breasts down to your stomach until it stops at the only article of clothing you're wearing.

He hovers over you, one hand holding himself up so he wouldn't crash you, his nose touches your cheek as he places a soft kiss on your jaw. Too distracted, he sneakily places his hand between your thighs and when he cups you through the fabric, you flinch a little.

"Fuck, you're so wet," Jungkook breathes out against your jaw, fingers rubbing you which earns another breathy moan from you and this time you screw your eyes shut, biting harshly into your lower lip.

"More," you demand, or plead with him, sounding so desperate and rushed as the tip of his fingers rub the thin fabric.

"Forgot how needy you are," Jungkook comments cheekily, smiling against your jaw when his fingers push it aside. Fuck, you really are wet. The whole panties are drenched up in your wetness, fingers easily gliding up and down your lower lips as you moan, arching your back from the mattress.

"Shut up," you scold him breathlessly, head tilted back and Jungkook wishes he could pay more attention to your neck, and how much it's calling him to suck on the skin there. His attention is called elsewhere, eyes looking down between your thighs as he catches the slightest glimpse of your pussy with his fingers on it.

You're so wet they glide easily, almost sliding right in but Jungkook makes sure he makes you feel good without doing that, going to your clit where he circles his fingers around it. Nails digging into his back, you whine for more. You're a complete mess.

He teases your opening with his fingers and just when you think he's about to enter you with those long fingers of his, he actually pulls them away and you feel as if someone just gave you the biggest slap. It wasn't Jungkook's intention though, because he tugs your panties down your legs to get you rid of them as he exposes you fully.

Grabbing your thighs he pulls you closer to him, causing you to gasp as you giggle when Jungkook hovers over you, grinning teasingly but it barely lasts a second because he's already going between your thighs. Your eyes widen when you look down, realizing what he's about to do but at the same time he spreads your legs. And he stares. Stares at the wetness glistening while taking a proper look at your pussy, something he hasn't seen for a while and never thought he'd have an opportunity to see again. It has never crossed his mind that you two would be able to find yourselves in this situation again. Just a few days ago, his mind was elsewhere.

Making himself comfortable as he lays onto his stomach, hooking his arms under your thighs as he keeps you spread out for him.

"Hello again, beautiful," he muses with a smirk, hungrily staring at your pussy as you snort at the fact he just greeted it so casually and even called it beautiful. Not going to lie, you act as if you find it ridiculous but you feel a wave of pleasure shooting right through you because it doesn't matter what part of you Jungkook calls beautiful.

And he doesn't let you have that reaction, his plan is probably to ruin you because he squeezes your thighs and bites into the right one as he dives right in. Not prepared for the quickness, Jungkook licks a long and hard stripe up to your clit. He wraps his mouth around it and starts sucking it, leaving your legs shaking as a set of curses tumble out of you. One hand gripping the sheet and the other his hair, you grind yourself into him wanting to feel more of his mouth.

Jungkook is quick, none of this is slow and tender, he's hungry and barely lets you time to realize what he's doing before he's moving onto another thing. He licks your wetness, makes out with your pussy as if he's been starving all this time and gives a proper attention to your clit. The combination of those three makes your head spin, the wet noises adding even more pleasure to your body until you feel your stomach clench with the known knot. Jungkook feels you clenching around nothing, feeling your pussy move under his tongue as he starts flickering your clit with it.

That's your final point, Jungkook's mouth only (and his great skills at oral sex) bring you to your edge, the one you haven't felt in so long and fuck, does it feel unbelievable. Jungkook's name is on the tip of your tongue as you orgasm with a final moan, body freezing for a second until you let go. Jungkook slows down but still sucks onto your clit, prolonging your orgasm for as long as he can as he makes sure to taste all of your arousal and cum.

Your hands relax, one of them leaving Jungkook's hair alone as you let them fall beside your body while Jungkook gives a final lick to your pussy as he pulls away. Hooded eyes and hot body, you force yourself to look at Jungkook who stares at you just the same, chin completely soaked up in your arousal and cum. The right corner of his lips curve into a smirk, eyes not leaving you as he reaches for the abandoned shirt you threw away and wipes his chin with it.

The sight is arousing itself and if you had enough time to breathe through your just ended orgasm, you could easily go for another round. You thought what a great job you did at the blowjob you gave to Jungkook but the truth is, he topped that the moment he put those lips on you.

Clearing your throat, you feel the urge to speak up. "Didn't you want to just kiss me?" you ask breathlessly, a hint of amusement and teasing in your voice as Jungkook smirks, slowly backs away until he stands up.

"I didn't specify where."

Oh, fuck. 

Noticing the wet stain on his sweatpants and the evident hardness, you wonder if it's from you or his own arousal. Probably both. You slowly sit up, closing your legs sheepishly which Jungkook notices but just smirks knowingly at you. You're too scared to get up, knowing you probably stained his sheets because all you can feel is wet and it's starting to get uncomfortable.

Surprised that Jungkook turns around and reaches for his shirt, you want him pulling the white fabric over his head as he covers his chest and it causes you to unknowingly pout. "Where are you going?" you ask, not hiding the surprise and disappointment.

Jungkook turns around to look at you, chuckling at your naked and cute form. What a sight you are. 

"To make you breakfast." he answers simply, leaving you to stare at him dumbfoundedly.

Breakfast? Isn't he hard? You thought--

"Why?"

"Because otherwise I'd fuck you."

Your breath hitches again and you shift on your spot, almost cringing at the wetness between your thighs. "What's wrong about that?" You find yourself asking, voice light and innocent.

"One step at a time."

Giving you a mischievous smile, that's the last thing you see before he walks out of his bedroom, closing the door behind him to give you some privacy while you stare at the wood for a full minute.

You can't believe he just walked out, voluntarily giving himself the blue balls as if you weren't here, ready to please him. The slight coldness shakes you out of your daze, shaky legs bringing you to Jungkook's closet to put yet another clean shirt on, along with something to cover your legs.

The short journey to the bathroom is interesting, challenging even and once again reminding you of something that has happened before. It takes all of your power to think about something else for the rest of your shower time.

And just like you said yesterday – Jeon Jungkook is dangerous.

Interesting and peculiar is what you and Jungkook are.

Casually eating breakfast together while chatting about whatever comes to your or his mind. And you like that. There is no overthinking or weirdness lingering between you two and you're thankful that even your slightly selfish decision of hooking up with your best friend again, hasn't affected your normal behavior and relationship.

Jungkook has agreed to check the new car with you next week, assuring you that he'll take you there so you can get rid of "the old crap" as he named your current car. You've done your research about cars, at least whatever you can realistically afford, so it's not like you've no idea about anything. However, Jungkook is better with cars and you could use his help and opinion.

"...what about your apartment though?" Jungkook asks, mouth partly full with cereal as you automatically sigh at the topic.

You definitely have to deal with the apartment thing and it's not like you haven't. You've been thinking about it and trying to find the solution, but it seems as though whoever is up there has other plans for you because there are no affordable apartments for rent available.

"What about it?" you murmur, ignoring Jungkook's amused chuckle before it dies down and his features turn serious once again causing you to let out a sigh as you shrug. "I'm still looking for something available here but nothing so far... I don't think I'll find something in time anyway, time which I don't have a lot of. There's the whole moving process and I should start packing my things already." you explain, reaching for your cup as you take a sip of your mint tea.

"Move in with me," Jungkook proposes, staring at you with doe eyes as you start choking with the tea, coughing furiously as you try to set it down before spilling it. "What?"

Clearing your throat, you stare at Jungkook with raised brows until you see how serious he is about this. "What? One blowjob and me letting you eat me out, and you're already asking me to move in with you?" you joke, laughing at the idea as Jungkook's brows scrunch into a frown, obviously not finding the joke funny. Especially when he is serious about this, determined to help you in any way he can.

You surely don't want to leave and start living somewhere else, you'd still be in Seoul but on the other side of it as well.

"I'm serious," he tells you, shutting you up as your laugh dies down. "Why would you move to another district when your job is here? You're also used to living here and ultimately, the decision is up to you and this is just a proposal... but I do think the whole moving thing so far away is just a huge hassle."

It is a huge hassle. It's the fucking pain in the ass.

Jungkook's proposal sounds interesting, not because this way you'd spend even more time with him and before you can let your mind run free, you remind yourself that he's also Jungkook who's willing to help no matter what. He's doing too much and you can't be that selfish to take him on that offer. You should solve this on your own, as much as the voice in your mind tells you to stop being stubborn and let him help you.

It would make things easier. You wouldn't have to deal with your job and possible transfer to another company, you're not sure if that's even possible and maybe you'd have to search for another job as well. It's already making you stress about it.

Everything you know, everything you've grown so comfortable ever since you live here is right here. You wouldn't want to move if the circumstances weren't so fucked up. Sure, maybe move to a bigger and better apartment, maybe one of your own sometime in the future. But financially and realistically it's just not possible at the moment.

"Don't be ridiculous, Kook, I can't live here." you try to tell yourself, despite your words aimed at Jungkook as well.

"Why not? Just until something else will be available, you're no bother to me."

"It's not about bother, Kook," you sigh, "Well, not only. I also have furniture, I need to put it somewhere and I have a lot of stuff. I can't just move in here and expect you to make some space for me."

Jungkook's apartment is the biggest out of four of you. Two bedrooms, spacious bathroom with a bathtub and a proper kitchen with a living room – pretty rare for an apartment in Seoul.

You know you're just looking for excuses, knowing some of the furniture you'll have to sell anyway because even if you moved to another apartment, moving furniture is a different kind of hassle.

"Why though? I have enough space here!" he reasons, already seeing you shaking your head.

"No, you don't," you tell him. Well, it's debatable whether he has enough space or not. "Where would I even sleep?"

Trying to reason this time, you shut your mouth knowing that that's the least of the worries. You know you've shared bed more times than you can count, but still. You can't live here and sleep in the same bed, no matter what you discussed today or what your friendship looks like. It's different to crash here and have a sleepover, than fully living here. It's official. It's too real and--

"Oh come on," Jungkook rolls his eyes, "You could use my bedroom, I'll take the couch. And I could put your bed in my office, I just have to make a little room for it there but I have the space, Y/N."

Jungkook uses the second bedroom, which is the smaller room than his, as his office where he edits the photos behind the desk on his computer. In other terms, it's actually a storage room as well where Jungkook keeps some of his stuff he didn't know where to put. It's all clean though, everything pretty much having its own place except for a few random items.

"I don't know, Kook..."

"Look, you've got the final word and it's totally up to you. I'm not gonna force you, I wanna help and I think this might be the easiest option. Jimin told me he offered you his place too, you can crash there if--"

"You know it's not about that," you shake your head, cutting him off. Whether it's Jungkook, Jimin or Taehyung, you'd hate for them to have to take care of you, no matter how much you know they just want to help.

"Jimin's place is small but he's more than open to help too, I'm sure Taehyung would help you too but with his lifestyle, I'm not sure if that's the best option for you." Jungkook laughs and you join, knowing he's right.

You're not sure if you want to witness Taehyung's hook-ups and everything that comes with it. Taehyung has no boundaries, he wouldn't care whether you hear or see something.

"Yeah, that's out of picture," you agree, giggling. "Thanks, Kook... I'll think about it, okay?"

Looking at him, you offer him a soft and appreciative smile which he returns but there's a little bit of doubtness in his features, or maybe it's a worry that you'll be too proud to use the help they offer. Honestly, you just need to sit down and properly think about it, without Jungkook's soft and big eyes. Thanks to them, you'd run and let him help you right away and you need a cold head for this.

"Sure," he nods, "It's just a temporary fix but I think it's better than moving across Seoul, while having to deal with unnecessary shit,"

Deep down, you agree with that and maybe if you had more time, things would be different. But the time is slowly ticking and you know you'll have to make the decision as soon as possible.

"I'll get dressed up and drive you home, give me a sec." Jungkook says as he stands up, leaving you to your thoughts alone.

Looking around, you try to picture yourself living here for the time being and suddenly, it doesn't seem all bad. Especially with Jungkook coming back with a soft smile, brushing past you as you clean the dishes while he scolds you for not using the dishwasher instead.

"Girl, you're glowing!"

Hugging Maya's form, you sheepishly grin into her shoulder. That is not what you've expected her to say as soon as she spots you walking up to her. "Hi, Maya."

"Seriously, what's your secret?" she asks when she pulls away, eyeing your whole form as you chuckle shyly and quickly sit down. "Or rather who?" she muses with pursed lips, laughing at the way your eyes widen and you quickly shake your head.

"What? No one!" you laugh, shaking your hands to prove your point.

"Oh come on, Joon told me you and the guys went clubbing on Friday. The last time I saw you you didn't glow like this!"

It still takes time to fully get used to Maya's straightforwardness and here you thought you're straightforward. Well, you are but Maya is a different kind and the fact she exposes you like this the second time you get to hang out with her alone, is beyond you. It's not that you don't like it, you're happy you get along without guys around you and it feels nice to have a female friend in this circle.

"You're just seeing things, Maya," you tell her, chuckling while you're trying to calm down your heart, peering at your lap instead. "It's not like that."

"Someone's got laid but you haven't heard that from me," she sings out quietly, leaning towards you for a moment before she pulls back and cackles at the shocked expression you can't hide, realizing you've just totally exposed yourself on your own. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tease you." she apologizes, silently giggling at the way you try to compose yourself, straightening while scratching the back of your head.

Even despite her usual cheerful persona, there's something particular and different about her and maybe it's the fact you haven't seen her for a month, since you last saw her when you hung out together alone for the first time. You went shopping, talked the whole time which felt very nice before you rushed to Jungkook's apartment to bring him some take-away and told him all about you and Maya hanging out.

She's the one to talk, she seems awfully happy and you notice the way she sneaks her glance at you which makes you question her behavior even more. "Are you sure you're not the one glowing?" you tease her this time, grinning at her.

And she doesn't deny it, suddenly giggling as she covers her mouth and then you see it. Your mouth falls open and eyes bulge out of their sockets, while tears well up in her eyes.

"Maya!" you exclaim, covering your own mouth as she starts giggling through her tears.

"Joon proposed!"

"Oh my fucking god!" you exclaim, squealing as she shows you the ring and you ignore the few stares you get from random customers. "Congratulations! Oh my god, how did it happen? We need to celebrate!"

"We went on a trip over the weekend last week, we stayed in the mountains for three nights and he had this beautiful set up where we just sat by the fire, before I realized he was on his knees and shit, I'm getting emotional again!" she complains, wiping off her tears as you pout through your grin, genuinely happy for them. "I wanted to tell you in person, we kept it a secret and now we're just telling our close friends and family."

"I'm so happy for you guys!" you tell her.

"Thank you so much," she says sweetly, beaming at the ring for the last time before she takes a deep breath and looks at you with raised brow. "We definitely have to celebrate it. How about next week? Oh my god, you know what I had in mind?"

As the waitress approaches you, Maya is already in the middle of planning the celebration and you barely keep up, laughing and nodding eagerly to whatever she has planned.

Wednesday drags slowly even with the bunch of work you got on your plate and the numerous calls you had to make today, to the point it feels as if your head is about to burst and suddenly, being all alone at home with a possible bottle of wine sounds nice. And you're not the type to usually go for a wine.

Peering into the offices, exhausted but still cautious, you bid goodbye to the few of your co-workers that look just as exhausted like you probably do, rushing to your desk to grab your belongings and head out. Jungkook is supposed to pick you up today, help you with the car and he's most likely outside or on his way here.

It reminds you that you haven't seen him since he drove you home, both swallowed with adult things and work that needs to be done. Message here and there, Jungkook hasn't left your mind though. His proposal to be exact. The lonely nights and staring into the screen of your television remind you every day of the lack of time you have and you know, eventually you'll have to make a decision.

So you've spent those evenings and nights thinking about all of this, weighing all the pros and cons with the little bit of help from Jimin who had sent you a message, asking you about how the living is going and whether you know what to do. You've told him about Jungkook's proposal and how unsure that makes you feel, leaving out the fact you've managed to pleasure each other before his proposal even came up in your conversation.

"I think you should do it, Jungkook wants to help and I don't see anything wrong with you living together for some time. You can crash at my place, the offer still stands. Let us help you." His text said as it still lays in your phone.

Jimin's apartment is smaller than Jungkook's and you'd definitely be a bigger bother. It's not very convenient and even though most of your furniture you'll have to leave behind, you've enough clothes as it is that takes most of your space. Even the thought of bringing all of that to Jungkook's place seems like a problem, not mentioning Jimin's smaller one.

Distracted by the hurry of grabbing your belongings, you don't hear the set of footsteps as you drop the notebook where you keep reminders of what has to be done the next day. Growing more annoyed at your clumsiness, thanks to your half-empty stomach that would appreciate a nice dinner but you know you need to deal with the car first. You're not going to mention your hunger to Jungkook though. Knowing him, he'll drag you to the nearest fast food restaurant and you can't afford to waste time, especially since you've made an appointment in a retail car salon. They're closing in an hour and a half, the ride there takes around half an hour already and there's no telling what traffic is outside. Hour in total to look in person and pick your new car.

Just as you're about to bend down to pick up your notebook, a rush of steps is heard and you're met with shiny black dress boots, along with  a vibrant voice. "Let me get that for you."

Hand reaching for your item, it's soon handed to you accompanied with sweet almond shaped eyes and a bright smile. So kind that you feel bad for mentally sighing at the sight of your new co-worker, Benjamin, that doesn't hide his sympathy towards you from day one. Behind him, you spot Yoongi not hiding his own amusement as if he could read your mind, trying to act as if he's minding his own business while grabbing things off his desk.

If Benjamin wasn't staring at you as if he's scared he's going to miss something, you'd gladly flip him off for enjoying this. Benjamin is sweet, willing to help but he's also willing to do anything to earn your attention and you don't have the time for this kind of thing. Besides, he's not your type at all but that doesn't mean he's not handsome by no means. So far he seems like a good guy but the constant shadow of him looming  around you is starting to bother you. You're not rude enough to tell him to fuck off, even though you've in your mind several times but that only makes you feel more bad for him.

"Thanks," you thank him, forcing a smile out of yourself as you toss the notebook into your bag.

"No worries," he assures you, smiling even more widely and you bid him a goodbye, not hiding the fact you're rushing out of this place as you use the excuse of having to be somewhere.

On your way out, you catch Yoongi's hidden grin which you roll your eyes at, making sure he sees the look of annoyance only he can bring out of you. Getting out of the building along with other people leaving work, you notice Jungkook's shiny car under the streetlights that is hard to miss. He gets out of the car, not noticing you just yet as you are walking down the stairs and when he looks up, your eyes meet in the distance and you can't help the grin that makes its way on your lips.

You're fucked, you think through the grin as you spot Jungkook wearing black jeans with his favorite black leather jacket. Catching a few stares from the women audience, you wonder if he's aware of it as he leans against the car and puts his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. Taking a deep breath while still in a safe distance, you walk up to him.

"Are you showing yourself off to the women audience?" you muse teasingly, throwing a glance to the two women who stare at him in a distance while getting to their car.

Jungkook follows your vision while cocking his brow, tongue poking his cheek as he looks back at you. "Jealous?"

Are you? It's a simple observation that isn't so surprising at all. It's not the first time you're experiencing this.

"Yes, of you," you grin, "I want all the attention." you joke, pursing your lips as Jungkook chuckles.

"You've got all mine," he comments, coming right at you as your heart squeezes with excitement, especially as he eyes you down, noticing the elegant outfit you chose for today. Nothing too much though, just a dark blue blazer with gold cuffs and your usual dark work pants.

"Shut up," you mutter, laughing with him as you take a proper look at him, breath hitching when you finally notice something that hasn't been seen under the streetlights, not until now. "What is that?" you ask, automatically grabbing Jungkook's cheeks with your hand.

Lips pursed thanks to his cheeks being squished by your hand, you angle his head to the side gawking at the silver jewelry that now decorates his brow. First tattoos and now a freaking piercing? Jungkook grabs your wrist and gently pushes your hand off his face as you stare at him with an open mouth.

"Is this some kind of post break-up phase that you're going through?" you ask, brows scrunching suspiciously as Jungkook looks almost offended that you'd think that.

"No," he denies, "I wanted to do this for a while, I just finally got myself to do it."

He has? Well, Jungkook doesn't tell you everything but he has never mentioned such piercings. You know he fancies the one on his ears but a brow? Can't say he doesn't look good, he looks more than good. So good and hot you want to drag him to his car and--

"You don't like it?" he asks, feigning a pout as you chuckle, smirking when you decide to tease him a little bit.

"Does it matter if I don't?"

Jungkook chuckles, catching onto the mischief that's clouding your face, the one he recognizes very well from years of knowing you and your ways of teasing and trying to get on his nerves. It's all playful though, adding to the tension and temptation that sets fire inside the pit of your stomach.

"It does if it lowers down my chances of getting laid."

You know he's joking, you see it in his eyes and you know long enough that he's never caught off guard from your comments, always one step ahead of you. But you don't mind that and it's definitely because it makes you all hot all over again.

Jungkook's eyes crinkle at the ends when you laugh, slapping his chest as you both laugh silently to yourselves, completely aware of the different attention you're getting.

"Who is he?" Benjamin asks, seeing you throwing your head back while noticing a tall man next to you. "Is he her boyfriend?"

Yoongi wants to snort, somehow finding it all even more assuming, when Benjamin's eyebrows are frowned in thought at the sight of you and Jungkook. He could easily save you, lie for you so you wouldn't have to deal with Benjamin's heart eyes and undivided attention he's giving you all day. But would you want that? Yoongi knows you're annoyed and trying to be polite enough to not turn him down when he hasn't even said or done anything bad yet. But what's fun about that? Yoongi enjoys seeing you squirming in your spot and trying to push a smile on your face whenever Benjamin is around, trying to engage you in conversations when all you're trying to do is to work and not biting off his head.

"Hm, I don't think so," Yoongi hums, "He's just her friend as far as I know." God, you'd kill him if you just heard him. He's evil, he's aware of that but if this has to be the only source of his amusement in work, he's all for it. And the fact you're there laughing, completely unaware of this conversation makes it even more funny.

As Jungkook is ready to urge you to get into the car, he notices two people at the top of the stairs and at first, he doesn't think too much about it but then he notices Yoongi, recognizing him as the annoying co-worker as you always call him. He's ready to ignore him but as he glances at the other person, he's met with a guy that strangely looks at him. Surely, it's no mistake because the man's eyes are staring right at Jungkook which makes him question the sudden stare down.

"Who is that?" Jungkook asks, frowning as you glance over your shoulder to find Yoongi who's not staring at you and mumbling something before he starts walking away from Benjamin, whose eyes are set on Jungkook.

"Oh, my new co-worker..." you answer.

"Why is he staring at me like that?" Jungkook asks, confused as you grin at him and pat his chest.

"You're not the only one with all the attention, Jeon," you joke, patting his shoulder as you walk around the car leaving Jungkook speechless, cackling devilishly when he yells at you exactly 'what does it mean?' but you're shutting the door, ignoring him for a few minutes until he drops it with a huff.

You're left speechless. And it's all thanks to Jungkook.

Having to talk and get any information about buying a new car for you has seemed as the easiest thing for Jungkook. He's asking the salesman questions  you couldn't even think of, and you've thought you've prepared yourself well enough to get the most important information out of him.

Somehow, you find yourself standing next to Jungkook and letting him handle it, although your ego is trying to tell you to handle this by yourself. You know it's not his intention to make you feel as if you don't understand this or belittle you in the slightest way possible, he's trying to help and get you a good car for your own safety. And you can't even think about your ego or pride, not when you're silently gawking at Jungkook as he holds a stable and intellectual conversation with the salesman, with you salivating thinking...

He is so fucking hot.

And you're crazy. He is doing a bare minimum and you're trying not to salivate at Jungkook sitting in a car, in a driver's seat with an open door while his leg is slouched and arm resting against it. The jeans hug his thighs tightly, just like it always does in those particular jeans and with his leather jacket, he looks straight from the movie. You get hot, feeling the need to fan yourself even though the evening is already chilly enough for you to feel cold. But one look at him and you're--

"What are you saying?"

Silence.

Jungkook turns to you, brows furrowed in confusion as he glances at you, wondering about your lack of response as you blink a few times, chuckling awkwardly. Straightening yourself, you glance at the salesman that luckily doesn't look at you as if you were dumb, just kindly staring at the both of you – tries his best chance to sell the car for sure.

"Yeah, it looks great!" you exclaim too excitedly, causing Jungkook to give you a weird look as he chuckles.

You've spent hours checking this car out, praying nobody is going to snatch it before you can get to it and take a look, buy it if you like it so much. To be completely fair, you did listen to what they talked about – you just managed to salivate at your best friend at the same time. You call it multitasking.

Hyundai i20, in a great state. Has everything important and most importantly, a few things your old car doesn't have. A/C, bluetooth, backup camera, blind spot monitoring, navigation system and even remote start. It's a little bit pricey but the amount of shifts in the club and your saved up money from your main job makes it realistic to afford this. Jungkook definitely approves, you can see it in his eyes and he would love for you to take this car, but the final decision is up to you.

Clueless Jungkook looks at the interior for the last time before he glances at you once again, but this time you're prepared. "Try and sit in it, it's your car after all." he tells you, chuckling as he gets out of the car, brushing past you as your breath gets hitched.

You grow sheepish when you sit in it, finding two pairs of eyes already set on you as they wait for your reaction. "I like it," you admit quietly and giggly, causing Jungkook to smile at you as he gives you a toothy grin. "It's definitely better than the one I have now."

"Definitely," Jungkook agrees, cackling when you send a glare his way, not failing to show his displeasure at your old car.

"The previous owner really took care of this car, you can see it." The beard man says, informing you of something you think he has already mentioned at the beginning.

"Yeah, it's in great condition," Jungkook agrees, suddenly leaning towards you as he leans his arm against the roof, sticking his head inside the car as your eyes naturally drop towards his mouth. "What do you think, boss? Is it yes or no?"

And you're done for.

Immediately averting your eyes to his, you look ahead as you grab the wheel and straighten yourself. "I... yes, I love it." You manage to say, smiling as everyone seems happy with your decision and so do you when you realize what a great deal this is. You were just too distracted to realize it fully, blaming Jungkook for it.

After a few minutes of getting things finalized with the salesman, you'll be able to take the car tomorrow as they'll take it off the market. Meanwhile, you'll send the money to their bank account and thank god for Jungkook, because he immediately offers to drive you here so you can take the new car. Even though you've been distracted by this whole experience, you leave happy and can't hide your happiness as you sit into Jungkook's car.

"The car is great, a little bit too small for me but perfect for you." he teases you, causing you to nudge him in the shoulder as he drives out of the parking lot with a bunny grin.

"Okay, Mr. Mercedes," you joke, the two of you laughing as your laughter fills the car along with soft music playing in the background.

Your bank account will be crying tomorrow, but at least you've earned it and it was the whole point of you getting another job, just so you can afford a better car. But this is not the only decision that had to be made and you had a few days to think about something more important than a car. You get nervous as you're trying to embrace yourself and spill it out. But you always back out, humming to whatever Jungkook is saying to you and even he steals a few glances at you, finding it odd that you're mostly quiet but he doesn't call you out on it.

Although, you do talk about Namjoon's and Maya's engagement which Jungkook found out from Namjoon as he told the news to the guys. And that's probably the only thing you talk about until you grow quiet all over again for the rest of the ride.

"Kook," you call out to him as he parks in front of your apartment building, which stares at you almost mockingly because it's not going to be your home for much longer and it does settle a saddening feeling deep in your chest. "I've thought about... what you said, about the living together thing, you know?"

Jungkook turns off the engine, looking intrigued as he patiently waits for you to finish. He sees you glancing sideways, eyes staring at the parking lot and buildings around as you turn around to face him again.

"Are you sure I won't be any bother?"

Jungkook's lips stretch into a wide grin that makes you want to smile too but you're too serious about this, wanting to make sure even though you know his answer. He knows what that means and he looks genuinely happy about your decision of not declining his offer and moving out to the other side of Seoul.

"Does this mean what I think it does?"

Chuckling, you look down into your lap as you nod. "I'm not gonna lie, I'm not hundred percent happy about this because I don't want to take up any space in your home, no matter what you say about it," you interrupt him as he opens his mouth to disagree about the space in his apartment, "I don't want to be far away. It's just for the time being and I'll pay you the rent, I promise I'll search other apartments every--"

"You can stay however long you want," Jungkook tells you, growing serious as he makes sure you understand that and his awaiting and raised brow are waiting for your response, so you nod. "Good. We're gonna have so much fun, roomie."

"Please, don't call me that." you groan, leaning your head against the headrest as Jungkook devilishly laughs.

Somehow, it feels like a whole another journey ahead of you.

[utilitycaster]

I like that the Raven Queen, who made the decision to take on an immense and (at least to her understanding at the time) unending responsibility is the one who calls Bells Hells out on their endless indecision.

It's been...interesting, shall we say, tracking this "party of NPCs," and tracking the fandom response throughout. The initial reception to "party of NPCs" was actually a rather cold one. This took place early in the campaign, prior to the Gnarlrock fight, and at the time a lot of people who shipped Imogen and Laudna were actually extremely resistant to the idea that Imogen was the "main character" of the campaign (as seen in the fallout from the gnarlrock fight, in which the bulk of attacks from the fandom were on Imogen). I've had complicated feelings on Taliesin's reads of this campaign specifically - he tends to have a very good understanding of his own characters that doesn't necessarily expand beyond them - but that phrase was indeed pretty valid. I think about the WBN interludes, in fact, in which the cast plays using NPC statblocks, and what a true party of NPCs for Bells Hells would look like, since it would be quite simple to draw up.

Allied NPCs in TTRPGs rarely act without guidance from the PCs. I've cast a critical eye in the past towards certain meta (particularly romantic in nature, regarding Yeza or Essek or Gilmore not making moves) for this reason, because while villains and antagonists move throughout the world generating obstacles, allies exist to be directed. They have their limits, of course; they have their own priorities and motivations and cannot be persuaded against their nature, but they can be guided at oblique angles from the GMs initial intent given enough work from the PCs. They're still people with thoughts and feelings and dreams, to an extent, but rarely do they make decisions that would conflict with those of the PCs.

That's the problem with a party of NPCs. NPCs take direction. They serve as support, but they're not in the driver's seat. And the Raven Queen has noticed.

The attitude within the fandom towards "Party of NPCs" became far more positive over time, and I wonder if it should have. People began to lean perhaps too heavily on how Bells Hells were people from nothing and nowhere, discarded. This is of course objectively false when comparing across parties (can we really say Imogen had a worse childhood than Vex? Chetney to Caleb? Even Ashton to Fjord?) but were it true, that in and of itself wouldn't be a problem. D&D backstories are often tear-stained and blood-soaked, full of unjust accusations, dead or neglectful parents, failure and regret. D&D is a game about coming from very little but a disproportionately good stat block for a commoner. It is unavoidably about amassing power. Starting off as a party of NPCs is fine. You should not still be a party of NPCs at the endgame.

I mentioned the gnarlrock, and I've mentioned an emphasis (or overemphasis) on this party's lack of agency and I think that remains the problem. Ludinus's villainy is rich, complex, and multifaceted, but a consistent element of it is his eternal false insistence that he - Martinet, founder and head of the Cerberus Assembly, Archmage - is just a little guy, chaff in the wind of the will of the gods, without free will of his own (he says, as he places his thread outside the reach of the Matron). That too is a theme in fandom discourse: free will and intent. Is Imogen justified in being angry at Laudna for breaking the rock if that wasn't Laudna's intent? (yes.) Is Orym on a quest of vengeance, with a death wish? (no, but if he were it wouldn't matter.) Was it wrong to pressure Fearne to take the shard instead of letting her make her own choices? (yes.)

Did any of you, perhaps in preschool or kindergarten, since that's about the age when this happens, have someone pull your hair and for adults to say "it's because they like you?" I find this is a good way to convey the importance, or unimportance, or intent. Because when your hair is being pulled, at least if that is the extent of the problem, it doesn't matter if it comes from the misguided affections of a four-year-old admirer who doesn't know how to use their words, or a six-year-old who just grabbed the most obvious material with which to test the limits of the safety scissors, or an eleven-year-old bully. Your hair is being pulled and you want it to stop. It doesn't matter if the person secretly likes you or if they want to hurt you; it matters that no matter the intent behind it, they are doing so. And if you reject the affections of your fellow preschool classmate because you think they might pull your hair, that's a fair consequence.

Bells Hells' indecision is some sort of cosmic hair pulling. They have reasons for faltering, and some of those reasons are understandable balking at an immense weight placed upon them and some of those reasons come from a deeply self-centered place in which their individual pain is used to blot out the suffering of countless others. But in the end, even that doesn't matter. Their histories don't matter. We don't need another series of introductions of where they come from and what they've done. We need people who can make decisions and who will act.

The Raven Queen seems to have been convinced they will. I'm not sure. But I think we are in agreement that inaction is, regardless of the intent behind it, no different than active harm. It would be irresponsible to continue to be a party of NPCs; if they truly are lost and forgotten fuck-ups, they have a responsibility (as the god of death once did) to abdicate and find a replacement.

[missnxthingg]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄, 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃 - 𝑆𝐼𝑋

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 - Lando Norris x Single Mom!Reader (Best friends to lovers) 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 - Lando and Y/N have always been the best of friends, always there for each other through thick and thin. After years of sharing the paddock and building their own silly little family, both of them just can't hold their feelings inside anymore, even though they're are both afraid it would ruin their friendship. So who'll take the first step? 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 - 7.7 K | 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - Swearing (just a little bit) and whole lotta fluffy 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 -We finally arrived to the final chapter. I want to thank every single one of you who adored and interacted with my story. Also, I wanna thank you for being patient with the wait for the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one and I hope to see you in my other stories! My ask box and DMs are always opened if you want to chat.

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“Honey, I’m home”, Y/N called once she entered her flat after a long day of work and a flight. She had just flown from England to Monaco, to come home to her boyfriend and her daughter, to whom she had been away for days.

It was a common occurrence at the moment, those quick flights from Monte Carlo to Woking for an MTC day. A couple of months ago, she and Olivia have moved to Monaco to stay closer to Lando after he asked them to move in with him. It was a big step on their relationship, but one they were very happy to take. While they were still adjusting to their new life, with Ollie’s new school and Y/N home officing for most of the off-race weeks, having to fly to England on very specific days, Lando was making sure everything was properly in place for them as they were making progress.

It was all working just fine, under Y/N’s eyes. Him keeping things in order while she was gone, without having to worry if her daughter was being taken good care of. That’s why she was surprised to come home to find him crying alone in the living room.

“What’s wrong?”, Y/N frowned, already thinking maybe something bad had happened. “Where’s Ollie? Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine. She’s sleeping in her room”, he reassured with a chuckle, taking a deep breath before continuing. “It’s just… she called me daddy today”.

Y/N gasped in surprise and Lando opened the biggest smile at her. Silently, she found a place to sit next to her boyfriend, and they laced their arms together. Carefully, she placed her head on his shoulder, and they sat in silence for a second.

“How did it happen?”

“I picked her up from school, and we were talking about what she had learned today”, he started. “And she said her new teacher was talking about family members and their functions. But Ollie said that uncle didn’t really fit me, and that I fitted more the ‘dad’ description. Then tonight, before I tucked her in bed, she said: ‘Good night, daddy. I love you’. I was a mess the second after”.

“Oh, baby, that’s a good thing”, she smiled at him as she cleaned off some of the tears that were falling from his eyes. “I know you always cared about her as a daughter, and now she finally sees everything you have done for her”.

On the past few months, ever since he owned up to his words, everything Lando did was to take care of Olivia. Ever since they decided to move in together to a whole different country, he made sure she was comfortable enough to leave London for once. Then, when she said she would miss her grandparents, he found a place in Monte Carlo so they could live close by, after they agreed of moving as well. And just to make her a little happier, he decorated her bedroom the way she wanted, with flowers and teddy bears, and racing cars, of course.

It was impossible for Olivia not to see him as a father. He would move mountains and do anything to see her smile. He would be there for every mundane or big moments of her life. So of course the concept of uncle wasn’t fitting for him. Lando did anything a dad would do for her, and now he was finally being recognized as one.

Well, it's been a long time since he has been in that position for Ollie. After all, Y/N and Lando have been officially together for an entire year now, meaning that it's been an entire year of him dedicating all his time to being a father to her. It was only a matter of time before she started calling him ‘daddy’ as well.

“I think maybe we should move forward with the thing we have been talking about lately”, Y/N said, making Lando’s eyes soften even more.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely”, she smiled at him. “I think this is Ollie telling us that you are her father, and that it's time to make things legally official for all of us”.

Ever since they decided to move in together, take more steps into their relationship, Lando and Y/N have been talking about their plans for the future, including getting married and maybe having children of their own. But she suggested something that sparkled his eyes: adopting Olivia. Y/N knew the biological father would give anything to stop helping her financially, and that her daughter had someone who truly loved her like his own, to the point where she wanted him to legally have the right to take care of her if – God forbid – something happened.

It was very special for Lando, because he was finally becoming a real father. On the past year, he's been slowly learning how to be one, carefully taking every step with Y/N and Ollie, to make sure he was going in the right direction. Adopting her was a reassurance that he was doing the right thing; and that the person he loved the most in the world was trusting him enough to take care of her daughter.

“It's finally happening, right? We're finally building a family together”, he commented, sniffing on his own tears. “God, this is everything I ever wished for. Having a family with you is so special to me. I can’t believe this is finally happening”.

“Me neither”, she chuckled, her eyes brimming with tears. “I've prayed for years to find someone that would love and take care of me and my daughter. And now we finally get to see that the right person was always right in front of us”.

“Remember when we used to talk about my future kids, and I'd say you'd be the best godmother in the world? I used to think like… ‘Fuck, I love her too much to only have her just as an aunt’. I’ve loved you since the start, and now all my wishes are coming true”, he pressed a kiss on top of her head and pulled her closer for a hug.

“I wanted all of that with you too”, she admitted. “I remember you going on and on about me being a godmother, but I used to get so angry inside, because I actually wanted to be the mother of your children”.

“Soon, maybe, we can have more than one menace running around the house”, Lando assured, leaning back to look her in the eyes. “I love you. And I’m getting the best lawyer money can buy tomorrow to get things started”.

“I love you too, daddy”, she joked, pulling him for another kiss. “I think a little Norris around the house would be nice. We still have three extra rooms to fill”.

“Three babies?”, Lando arched his brows, making Y/N crack in laughter. 

“Maybe we can leave one of the rooms as a spare bedroom, my love”, she suggested, making him laugh as well. “But maybe two more, what do you think?”

“Two more sounds like a dream”, he smiled. “Wanna get this started already?”

“I’m sorry, daddy, but I just came from a very busy day at the MTC and a two-hour flight”, she groaned. “I need a hot bath, food and my bed”.

“Go get your bath prepared, I’ll make you some pasta in the meanwhile”.

The next day, Lando started working with a lawyer for the adoption papers. He was beyond the moon that Olivia was officially going to be his daughter. Almost one year later and it still felt surreal that he's creating a family with Y/N. They get to travel all over the world, taste the victory and the glory of another good season, and still get home to their perfect little family. Life couldn’t get any better than this.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay with that”, Lando said to Ollie, right after he sat down with her and Y/N so they could explain the process they were about to go through. 

“Mummy, what is adoption?”

“Adoption is a process to make Lando legally and officially become your father, so he can take responsibility for you and properly take care of you”.

“Does that mean you’re not my daddy now?”, she pouted, turning to Lando with worried eyes, and he immediately melted at her response.

“Of course I am your daddy, my love. It’s just something that we have to do so if something happens, I have the right to take care of you properly”, he said. “So no one can take me away from you, ever”

Ollie smiled at his response and earned a big kiss on the cheek, that made her giggle with the contact. She leaned into Lando’s embrace and sighed. 

“Okay, I like it”, she agreed, making Lando smile. She might be just a little girl, with a lot to learn from now on, but she never fails to make Lando smile with her smartness.

He felt so lucky to finally get to be the dad she never had. Of course, the adoption process was long and difficult, but it helped a lot that her biological father didn't think twice before signing the parental rights away, thinking there was no better way to stop paying Y/N monthly to raise the kid he had no interest in raising. But the process takes good six months to get done, with tons of interviews between the family and background checks to understand the kid's family environment 

While it was hard to get through the process, Lando was sure that he could do this. Y/N had never seen Olivia pampered with so much love in the last five years since she was born. On the last months settling in their new Monaco life, he made sure he owned up to being the best dad in the world; taking Ollie for walks around the city and drives on his amazing cars; getting her to school and back home every day when he was home, and making sure the mundane things became so much more fun for both of them.

Y/N was sure he was going to be the best dad in the whole world when they decided to grow the family. Because that's what he's always been for Olivia, and that’s what he's going to be like with their future kids.

When Lando finally signed the adoption papers, he never felt happier in his life. Surely, finally getting the girl of his dreams and winning a world championship is good, but nothing ever makes him more happy than officially calling Olivia his daughter.

“I have to say, Mr Norris, after hearing the conversation our therapist had with Olivia, I had no doubt on letting you adopt her. You have a very beautiful story and you deserve this role in her life”, the judge who took care of the process said to him after they signed the papers. “She gushed about you through the whole interview, about how you were the best dad in the world and that you took very good care of her”.

“Well, I try my best”, he smiled shyly at the man. “I’ve loved Olivia’s mum since before she was even in the picture, and I've been here since her first breath. Helping Ollie grow into the beautiful woman she's yet to be will be the best thing that could ever happen to me”.

“I'm sure you're doing great in this task”, the judge said. “Now go enjoy your daughter”.

“Thank you, sir. I will”

Y/N surprised Lando with a big party in their London house to celebrate this big achievement. When he came home with the signed papers, he found out that she filled the house with all of their family and friends for a nice afternoon together. She and Olivia decorated the place with colourful flowers and baked a cake that said ‘Super Dad’, to make it even more especial. Ollie even got a brand new dress for the occasion, to which she ditched for her good old McLaren shirt with her brand new last name in the back.

Lando was very surprised and emotional to see everyone he cared about gathered to celebrate them as a couple. But the tears only dared to spill when Olivia rushed to his arms with a huge bouquet of flowers, just like the ones he always brings home for her and Y/N all the time.

“These are for you, daddy”, she giggled between his arms, and he felt so warm with the gesture.

“Oh, baby, thank you so much”, he ran his hand through her hair and pulled her for a kiss on the forehead. “I can’t believe you're finally my daughter”.

“We came a long way, daddy”, Y/N lowered herself to give them both a hug and earned a kiss herself on the forehead. “Now we enjoy it”.

“I love you”, he mumbled, closing the gap between them in a sweet kiss. “I'm so grateful for our family”.

“I love you too”.

“Can we all join this big hug?”, Cisca asked from behind them, and Lando immediately shot up to hug his mother. “Oh, there’s nothing better than this. I’m so proud of you, my boy”.

“Thank you, mom”, he smiled, buried between her embrace. Lando looked back and saw his father now holding Olivia in his arms. Y/N was standing right behind them, with a hand on her father-in-law’s shoulder. “And thank you both for being here. It means a lot to me”.

“We’ll always be here for you”.

Having everyone he cared about there for him was everything for Lando. He got to have a good laugh with his family and friends, while he could get himself away from his daughter. Olivia sat next to him through the whole day and eventually found his hold to cuddle after a full day. His heart was full of love from every nice word he heard from the people he loved the most.

“I can’t believe that after all these years, you finally got what you wanted”, Max chuckled as they talked over drinks. “Now I get the favourite uncle position”.

“Always, uncle Max”, Ollie giggled, making Lando’s brother, Oliver, frown at her.

“We share a name, and he’s your favourite uncle?”, Oliver asked, making Olivia giggle. “I’m gonna need lots of kisses and hugs to forgive you”.

“Sorry, uncle Ollie”, she said, making Lando laugh. Earlier, he saw his daughter playing with his nieces, and it made everything so real. They were all a big and pretty family, like he always wished for.

It made him very emotional. Lando isn’t one to show his emotions all the time, but Y/N taught him that being vulnerable around the people you love shouldn’t be a bad thing. And telling them how much they mean to you is always a good thing. So, he decided to make them a little speech.

“I want to thank everyone who came today. It means a lot to have you here to witness something so important in my life”, Lando said as they were all gathered at the table. “I know you always come to support me, but this might be the most important thing that has happened in my life, and I am so happy I get to share it with all of you. So thank you, I love you all”.

Y/N was reserved for a more important and private speech later, when they were alone. Lando pulled her to sit in their tiny backyard once everyone was gone, and Ollie was tucked in bed, so they could enjoy this moment alone.

“You want some wine?”, he asked, pouring himself a small glass.

“No, my stomach feels funny today”, she said. “Actually, for the entire week it’s been like this. I thought it was anxiety, but now that the whole thing is past us, I’m not sure anymore”.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”, he frowned, patting the place next to him on the grass of their backyard. She shrugged and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I didn’t think it was that important. Why? Do you think I need to go to the hospital or something?”

“Well, I’m thinking that we haven’t been exactly careful in the bedroom”.

Ever since they moved to Monaco, Y/N and Lando have been living the honeymoon phase of their relationship at its fullest. They were beyond happy to have their own place now, and even more with the whole process of adopting Ollie. And of course all of that resulted in them having a deep connection in the bedroom, exploring each other’s bodies. Sometimes, they even forget about the condom, trusting too much on medication and on “pull outs”.

“Do you think I’m pregnant?”, she asked and Lando shrugged. “I’m on the pill, Lan”

“Pills can fail. And if you’re feeling this sick the entire week, maybe it means something. I don’t know”, he chuckled.  “I mean, on Olivia’s pregnancy, you were pretty much an open tap of vomit. So maybe, if you’re feeling sick…”

“Oh God, now you planted a seed in my head”, she groaned. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with this information. What if we really are expecting a baby?”

Lando could sense his girlfriend getting anxious, so he decided that there was only one way to find out. Maybe they would turn this into a more especial night.

“I’ll go down to the pharmacy and get you a test. Then you can sleep fine and end this doubt”, Lando kissed her forehead and got up from the floor before ingesting one more drop of alcohol.

Lucky, they lived just down the road from a pharmacy, and he didn’t even have to take the car to buy the test. His blue McLaren would’ve called too much attention, especially so late at night. Lando was back home in less than fifteen minutes, only to find Y/N pacing around the kitchen, nervous about his arrival.

“Baby, why are you so nervous about this?”, Lando asked, catching her attention. He approached her and held her by the shoulders, looking deep into her eyes. “Look at me, we got this, okay? We went through one pregnancy together and this time, it will be different, okay? You’re going to be fine”.

“You’re right”, she took a deep breath. “I think I’m only nervous because I’m thinking about my last pregnancy, but I know that it will be different when we have our own baby, because I have you now”.

“And you’ll always have me”, he pulled her for a hug and kissed the top of her head. “Now, have you drank enough water?”

“I had two bottles while you were gone”, she chuckled. “So, I’m full and ready to go”.

Y/N went into the bathroom to pee on the tests and Lando stood next to her through the whole time, and they sat in silence on the floor as they waited for the fifteen minutes. They laced their hands together as she nervously bounced one of her legs up and down.

“Fuck me, this is the longest fifteen minutes of my life”, Lando joked to make the room a little lighter. 

“It’s eternal”, Y/N said, looking at the clock on her phone. Only seven minutes have gone by. “If it’s positive, have you thought about what would you want to name your child?”

“Well, I have a few options, but you can choose if you want”, he said, but she shrugged.

“I already named our first daughter. Maybe you can suggest our second child’s name”, Y/N said, and he smiled at her. He could never get enough of hearing someone calling Ollie his daughter.

“I’ve always like the name Emma for a girl, and Khai for a boy”, he suggested. “But I don’t know, I have a gut feeling we’ll have another girl in the future”.

“Emma Norris is perfect”, Y/N admitted. “Olivia and Emma are such pretty girls names. And they will be the best of friends”.

“And Ollie is going to be the best big sister”, Lando stated. “She’s going to teach everything to her sissy, and they can play together, have lots of fun”.

“Don’t forget that I can make them wear cute matching outfits”, Y/N joked and they laughed together. “We’re already planning on our kids without even knowing we’re actually expecting one”.

“We’re about to find out”, Lando pointed at the phone, only two minutes left on the clock. They took a deep breath and waited in silence for the last seconds. Secretly, now they were both praying for it to be positive. Having a kid now wouldn’t be so bad. “Can I say something to you before? Something I had been planning on saying before we started panicking”.

“Of course”, she chuckled.

“I want to thank you for trusting me to being your daughter’s father. I am the happiest I’ve ever been today, and it’s all because you trusted me with the most important role in the world”, he started. “And if the tests are positive, thank you for letting me be the father of your children. You have blessed me with two of the most beautiful presents in life”.

When the alarm rang, Y/N quickly shot off and got a hold of the three tests between her hands. All of them positive. She dropped the sticks to the floor and lowered herself as she felt her knees weak. Lando got the sticks with his hands and read the result, immediately bursting into tears.

“We’re having a baby”, he whispered, and she nodded, already lost in her own tears.

“We are”, she smiled. “A little kid that’s a little bit of you and me”.

“Guess that my dream has finally come true”, he pulled her for a hug, and they rolled together on the bathroom floor, trying to be as quiet as possible to not wake Olivia up. Lando lowered himself to be close to her belly and kissed it gently. “Hi, baby. Can you already feel daddy’s love for you?”

“She can”, Y/N assured. “Emma can feel all the love her mummy and daddy have for her”.

“You think it’s a girl too?”, he arched his brows and she nodded. “One more pretty girl to make me happy. Do you think she’ll look just like you and Olivia? Or maybe she’ll have a little bit of me”.

“I’m certain she’ll at least have your eyes”, Y/N gently held his face between her hands and rubbed circles with her thumb on his cheek. “I love you, Lando. I’m so happy for the family we have”.

“I love you too, Y/N. And with you, I’d have thousands of babies if I could”, he chuckled, going back up to kiss her once again. This time, he made sure to not drop his weight over her body. “Maybe we should celebrate this somewhere else other than the bathroom floor”.

“I think that’s a great idea”, she chuckled, taking his hand so they could go to another room.

Lando and Y/N went to bed with a happy smile on their faces, and he simply couldn’t stop talking to her belly, talking to the baby about all the awesome things they were going to do together. And she just lied there, so in love with the man that’s soon going to be the father of her two kids.

As long as they were together, things would be alright.

Lando was helping Olivia get ready for school when Y/N’s water broke. It was two days earlier than they were expecting, so it caught all of them by surprise. But lucky enough, they were all ready to welcome their new kid into the world.

“Baby, daddy’s going to have to take mummy to the hospital because your little sister is coming”, Lando explained to Olivia as he buckled her into the backseat of his car. “Granny is going to be there to look out for you as I help mummy out with Emma, alright?”

“So we’re going to get Em?”, she asked excitedly, and he nodded with a smile.

“We’re going to get Em”, he confirmed. “Now be good for daddy. I’m going to go get mum and help her downstairs, okay?”

Lando was surprisingly calm in this situation, having gone through the labour stress on Y/N’s first pregnancy. Of course, this time it was very different, but he knew what to do. Monaco wasn’t big, so in fifteen minutes they arrived at the hospital to deliver the baby.

“I thought you would be more freaked out”, Y/N admitted to her boyfriend, and he shrugged. 

“I’ve done this before, my love”, he kissed her forehead as they were waiting to get into the delivery room. “Not my first daughter, although it will be the first time I know I’ll be the father”.

“Yeah, but it didn’t change the experience of when Ollie was born”, Y/N smiled, remembering the first time he held their eldest daughter in his arms. It was an image burned in her head forever, one of her favourite moments with Lando. “I can’t wait to see you holding one more of our daughters once again”.

“Me too”, he smiled.

Soon, Emma Norris was born. Y/N had an easier delivery this time, and their tiny bundle of joy was welcomed to the world. She was impressed how much a newborn could already look so much like her father. If Olivia was the spitting image of her, Em looked exactly like Lando.

“Do you want to hold her?”, the nurse asked Lando now that the baby was cleaned and dressed up. They were already back in their private room, and he nodded. This time, he didn’t hesitate for one second on asking to hold his daughter.

“Can I take my shirt off? For skin to skin contact. I heard that’s really nice”, he smiled nervously and the nurse nodded. The shirt was scrapped through the air in seconds, and he got himself a place to sit, where the nurse carefully handed his second daughter.

“There you go. You can finally meet your father properly, Emma”, she smiled at him. “I’m gonna leave you three alone for a second”.

Lando was speechless as he held his girl in the arms. Emma was even smaller than Olivia, and she rested so peacefully between his embrace, without a single care in the world. His eyes immediately brimmed with tears as he held her for the first time.

“Hello, baby girl. Welcome to the world”, he started. “I’m your daddy. We’ve been in touch through mummy’s belly for months, but it’s so good to finally meet you face to face. I love you so much”.

“She looks exactly like you”, Y/N commented from her hospital bed, where she had been watching the whole scene unfold. “It’s funny, because it takes weeks until the baby starts to looking less like a thumb and more like a person. But she’s… you! Look at her”.

Lando analysed her daughter features and smiled; Y/N was right, she looked exactly like him. He wondered if she’d grown to have curly hair like his, or maybe if she would get some features from her mum, like her eyes or something. But in general, she looked just like him.

“She really does”, he smiled up at the love of his life, happy to finally be holding a little piece of them between his arms. “I can’t describe how happy I am right now. I don’t want to ever let her go”.

And before he could say anything more, they heard a knock on the door. A little girl peeked her head inside and smiled shyly at them. It was Olivia.

“Hi, daddy. Granny said I could come up and meet Emma”, she said, making him smile widely.

“Come in, my love. Come meet your little sister”, he called, and soon his daughters were together, with his eldest running her fingers gently through the baby’s hair. “Emma, this is your big sister, Olivia. She’s going to be your best friend”.

“Hi, baby Emma”, Ollie whispered and before even asking anyone, she pressed a kiss on the little girl’s forehead. “I love you”.

Y/N had been crying as she watched the whole scene take place in front of her. If the image of Lando holding Olivia for the first time in the arms was her favourite, then this one had already dethroned the old one from her heart. The three loves of her life, all together in one place. Life couldn’t get any better than this.

Silverstone is undoubtedly Lando’s favourite race of the season. And his favourite thing about it was the fact that his entire family always attended the grand prix to give him full support. This time, it was even more especial because it would be Emma’s first time at the paddock after one year and a half since she was born. 

The baby girl had just learned how to walk properly and with her cute shoes with papaya bows, she was walking everywhere around the paddock as they arrived together for media day – a chill day so she could properly get used to the track environment. Y/N always stayed close by while Lando walked hand-in-hand with Olivia, who had got a brand-new fluoro yellow shirt from her dad’s collection.

“Jesus, she’s a menace just like you”, Y/N chuckled and Lando stopped to admire Emma walking independently of any other human being. “Seriously, she walks too fast, like she wants me to tire down”.

“I’ll go after her”, Lando pressed a kiss on top of Ollie’s head before taking Emma into his arms. “Hi, baby girl. You’re tiring mummy. I think that’s enough of walking”.

Em giggled as her father kissed her on the cheek, and he continued to carry her all the way to the McLaren motorhome, where the entire team greeted them with excitement. Some of them were emotional to see him so happy with his entire family, having known him since he was just a boy. They were emotional to see the great man he had become.

“Our new papaya girl. The Norris duo will be the best LN4 fans this weekend”, Lando said, pulling Ollie to his side. “Look, I even get the prettiest girl to advertise for me”.

“She looks more like you every day, Lando”, Zak commented, extending his finger for Emma to play. “Do you think she can be in one of my karts soon?”

“Hopefully”, he laughed. “You can put this one as a test driver already”, Lando pointed to Olivia, who earlier that month had beat him in a karting race. And even though he wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, it wasn’t very easy to keep up with her pace.

Thursdays on tracks were always rushed, with lots of journalists to talk to and duties to come across. But after going through every journalist on the track with Y/N, with Lando's father taking care of the kids in the meanwhile, he thought it would be good to have a walk around the track.

“Just like we have always done”, he suggested, extending his hand to Y/N. “We can use the scooter”.

“Like the little kids we are”, she giggled and agreed. It was a little tradition they had, to walk around Silverstone alone every year.

Y/N got to the front of the scooter and Lando placed himself on the back, helping her guide them slowly through the track. It was nice to walk around without anyone on the grandstands, when the track is still calm, waiting for the weekend to come around to be filled with energy. 

“Thursdays are so peaceful around here”, she commented and Lando agreed. “Happy to be back?”

“Always”, he smiled, pressing a kiss on the back of her head. “And even more happy to bring our girls here. Ollie loves Silvo, and I hope Emma loves it too”.

“Your father said she played around with everyone on the team that came to talk to her”, Y/N said. “And that she behaved so much better than she usually does, without being the little ball of energy like you”.

“She's a little muppet. I love her so much”, he giggled. “Who would've thought she would turn out to be exactly like me?”

“Well, she already has your face. Might as well have your personality”.

“It’s to balance things out, since Ollie is so much like you”, he shrugged. “A perfect family”.

“It really can't get more perfect than this”, she commented and Lando sighed, making her turn her head a little and frown at him.

“Well, there's a way to make it even more perfect”, he said. “Can you maybe pull over here?”

At that point, they were at the most distant point from the garages at the track, where no one could watch them, giving some privacy. Y/N stopped the scooter and Lando carefully place it on the side, taking it out of her hold for a second

“You're scaring me”, Y/N chuckled nervously, but Lando pulled her for a sweet kiss that made her melt in his embrace. 

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Always”, she assured and he took both of her hands in his, getting a tight grip on them.

“Y/N, the first you were on track by my side was here in Silverstone, because I begged Zak to bring you along for the weekend. Back then I was just 19 years old, but I was already so in love with you that I wanted you here for my home race”, he started, making Y/N's eyes water. “Well, any race is a home race with you, because you're always my home. You’re our home, mine and the girls. And I love the family we built; it gives me a reason to wake up every day. But I think there’s a tiny piece missing in this story, and I think there's no other place to ask this than on a track, where we spent so many of our years together. And most specially, on the track where everything began”.

Lando took a small black velvet box from his pocket and kneeled to the ground, making Y/N take her hands to cover her mouth in surprise. She definitely wasn't expecting that today.

“Y/N L/N, will you marry me?”, he proposed, and she immediately nodded, throwing her arms around him.

“Yes, of course I'll marry you”, she pulled him for a rushed kiss and so, he melted into her lips, so happy to hear those simple words that would change his life forever. “I'd marry you in every life, you muppet”.

“I love you so much. You're the love of my life, the mother of my children, and now, my future wife”, Lando said. “Now, life can't get any more perfect”.

“I love you so much too”, she kissed him again. “I can't wait to call you my hubby”.

“Hubby and wifey”, he giggled. “Forever”.

“Forever, my love”.

“Love, you have something on your chin”, Y/N caught Lando’s attention during dinner, and he turned to her, who quickly whipped his chin off with a napkin. He smiled at the proximity, and at how beautiful she looked tonight.

“I can't get over you looking so pretty as my bride”, he commented, putting on stray hair behind her ear. Lando has been so lovestruck by his fiancé on their wedding weekend, to the point where he could almost drool in front of everyone at how beautiful she looks.

Tonight, before the rehearsal dinner, he spent a good minute speechless, lost in his own world like a teenager, when he saw her dressed in white. It felt too real, and he felt like he was falling in love for her once again, just like he did years ago. Lando just couldn’t get enough of falling in love with Y/N.

Through the dinner, he couldn't keep his eyes and attention away from her. Yes, he had the opportunity to talk to many people he hasn't seen in a long time, but she was always the thing that caught his attention. Now that they were eating on a private table with their closest family, it was even more visible, because he was always gravitating towards her.

“You look very handsome as my groom too”, she finished cleaning his chin and pressed a small kiss on his lips. “Everything is just the way I've always imagined”.

“Absolutely perfect, isn't it?”, he whispered, and little Emma's sneeze caught their attention. Olivia helped her little sister wipe her nose off with a napkin, making their parents smile, leaning their heads together to admire the image.

“So perfect”, she assured. “They look like little princess. It’s so cute!”

The hairstylist had tied Ollie's hair in a pretty bun, decorated with tiny flowers, while Emma's very short hair didn’t have much to work with, but still was managed into two tiny buns, also decorated with flowers. Both of them matched their outfits, choosing the same design for the night, except that Ollie picked the blue dress, while Em chose the pink one.

“We make pretty babies”, Lando pressed his chin over her shoulder and Y/N tensed. He was always dancing around her biggest secret, one that she had been waiting for weeks to tell him at their wedding, and she was afraid he was going to ruin her surprise for him. But she played it cool and carried on, simply because she still didn’t have a way to tell him yet.

“We really do”.

“I have a surprise for you”, he said, making her frown. “But we have to be very sneaky, okay? It's something just for me and you”.

“Oh, really? Right now?”, Y/N arched her, and Lando nodded with a cheeky smile. “Okay, let's go”.

Leaving the party behind and going to a secret place alone made Y/N feel like a teenager once again. Lando had her eyes closed a few seconds later, just before they entered the place for his big surprise. Once she opened her eyes again, they were standing alone in a small chapel, decorated with flowers and candles.

“Oh my God, this is so pretty”, Y/N commented, eyes running through every detail of the decoration. “You did all of this?”

“I had help”, he smirked. “I remembered those conversations we had about having our votes private, and I thought that maybe we could get married before we get married”.

Lando opened a small box that carried their wedding rings, making Y/N gasp. It was so reckless, unique and cute; of course she wanted to do this with him.

“Just you and me”, she whispered, and he nodded with a smile.

“As it began. Just you and me”, Lando reassured. “Because it can never get more special than this”.

Y/N took his wedding ring from the box and admired it for a second in her hand. It was definitely much bigger than hers, to fit in his thick fingers. When she finally looked up, his eyes were focused on her and only her.

“The tradition is for the groom to say the vows first”, Y/N pointed out, knowing she could use this in favour to give his surprise. He had just given her a full plate to surprise him as well. Lando giggled, nodding in agreement.

“My love, I can't believe we're finally here. I want to start by saying that I'm speaking everything from the heart, because I can't be trusted around paper, or to write something, for that matter”.

“I'm definitely not marrying you for your writing skills”, she giggled, making him roll his eyes playfully.

“Vows change over the years. I kept thinking that there was no amount of vows I could do to cover our entire relationship, because we change and grow every day. And that's why I want to start by vowing to renew our vows every year. Because getting married to you just once isn't enough, Y/N, and I want to do it every year”.

“I wouldn't be opposed to that”, she shrugged, running one of her hand through his stray curls.

“But there are a few things that will never change about us, and I think those are perfect for a first wedding vow”, he started. “I vow to forever be your listener, who you can come to when things are good and bad, and I will listen to give you all the support you need and deserve. And I vow to protect you and our family under any cost, because you, Olivia and Emma mean more than anything in this world to me. I vow to give you every ounce of my strength, all my love, to keep you all happy. There's nothing I can’t do to see that biggest smile on my girls’ faces”.

“Oh, baby…”

“And I vow to love you, until the end of my days and beyond, and to find you in every lifetime, so we can be together”, he said. “Because love like yours can't be found anywhere, and I can't be thankful enough that we were put in the same room at the right time back when we were younger. Loving you is the best part of my life, and being loved by you is even better. I vow to love you forever, Y/N L/N-Norris”.

Y/N was a mess of tears after that speech; even more when he slipped the ring on her finger, giving it a gentle kiss once it was on.

“My most beautiful, handsome groom. You look the prettiest tonight”, she started, putting one of her hands on his face. “I think if I were to say every single vow I came up with over the past months, we'd be here forever. But there are some mundane things that I think are worth mentioning right now”.

Lando giggled when she opened her notes on her phone, just to remember what she wanted to say. Y/N almost burst into laughter before she started saying her vows.

“I vow to always receive you at the parc fermè with the freshest water and tightest hug after every race; and I vow to keep you well-fed with your favourite breakfast bagels that always make you moan at the taste when you have them. I vow always come to you with hot gossip and to provide you with belly aching laughs every time that I can”.

“I love you so much for that”, they laughed together as Lando pressed a kiss on her forehead. Then Y/N put her phone away, ready to speak the rest of her vows from the heart.

“I vow to be your best friend forever. I know sometimes we forget where we came from after so many things together, but I don't want to ever forget that this all started as best friends”, Y/N burst into tears, finding it very hard to contain her emotions at this time. “To be your biggest cheerleader, to listen to everything you have to say with my heart opened, and to share everything good and bad in life with you”.

Lando couldn't stop crying either. Her vows were so simple, yet so powerful. It was the most special moment of their lives, and he wished he could live in them forever.

“I vow to love you and our family to the end of my days and beyond”, she copied him. “I vow to protect our kids and take care of the legacy we are creating every day. I vow to make all three of our babies very happy”.

“Three?”, Lando’s eyes and voice softened. Her big secret was out now, and she had found the best way to surprise him. “Three babies?”

“You're going to be a dad once again, my love”, she nodded, getting his face between her hands, only to watch his tears streaming from his cheeks in happiness.

“You're pregnant”, he whispered. “For how long have you known?”.

“Three weeks. I'm almost three months in”, she revealed. “I found out when I was shopping with your sisters, and I had barely eaten my brunch when I rushed to the restroom to vomit. I knew exactly what it was, and I wanted to keep it and surprise you at the wedding. Soon we'll have another mini us running around the house”.

“Baby Khai?”, he asked and she nodded. They agreed months back, when they decided they still wanted another baby, that their next one would be called Khai, since it would work for either a boy or a girl.

“Baby Khai Norris, joining the Avengers very soon”, she joked. “I think there wasn't a more perfect way to tell you than like this”.

“There really wasn't”, he agreed.

Y/N put the ring on his finger and gave it a gentle kiss. Soon, Lando pulled her by the hips and their lips met in the sweetest kiss of all time. The best thing about having their vows in private is that he could properly kiss her without making it weird for the guests around then. Kissing her for the first time after being married was like kissing her for the first time ever, back in that club alley all those years ago. He had never felt so full of love, knowing his life was complete with Y/N as his wife, carrying one more of their kids in her belly.

They have come a long way since that first meeting at the MTC, and from all those travelling around the world with F1. And they still had a long way to go, to explore this brand-new world together and raise the most perfect children to carry their legacy of love forever, while chasing for the dream of winning one more championship together.

Life isn't always easy, but they swear it gets a little easier when you have the right person right there with you. And if showing their love for each other isn't enough, saying it did the trick most times.

“I love you, forever”, Lando whispered, his forehead still glued to his wife's, breathes mixing together.

“I love you too. Forever”, she whispered back. “In every corner of this world, in every lifetime. I love you”.

⋘ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 //

𝒔𝒐𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒂 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 . 𝐚𝐝𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

[llilyrose]

So, you know that ISAT au I mentioned in my yass-girlboss King post??

HHHHHEEEERE WE GO .... info below keep reading!!! lots of words!!!! In Stars And Time FULL spoilers!!!!!

(Note: The Reset AU will be posted on @slowlysoluminary but i will be reblogging from my main)

There are some really interesting Siffrin-Meets-The-King-First aus that float around. I see them sometime! they're great! But I, as an adoring King fan, had to sit down and ask myself:

"So, uhh, like why?"

AND I DID SOME THINKING!!!!!

The King notices you're looping in Act 3. That's great! Not for Siffrin, but great narratively. If he notices it in that loop specifically, I feel like he would notice in other loops, too.

So, Act 5. The King notices how much of a formidable opponent siffrin is (among other things), acknowledges he's from the same country, recognizes wish craft, yadda yadda yadda.

He wants Siffrin to understand and resonate with his reasons for trapping an entire country in time, and while Siffrin is busy in his mind space fighting Mal Du Pays, the King makes a wish. AND HE LOOPS!!!!!??????

... Uhh, kind of? Not really. It resets the timeline all the way back to when the country was erased, but instead of the King having full memory, they're more like... vague snippets that hint at what he once was.

So, um! The first part of the AU is about the King's 10-year-long descent into madness. It's heavily condensed but it's there!! there's lore there!! I'm a king fan he needs a backstory.

"His name is Lazare" HE HAD TO HAVE A NAME BEFORE HIS KING DAYS... it's heavily implied the King wasn't his original name, and my headcanon helpfully supplied that he underwent a Change inside the house during his rise to power. I think there's like, a Head Defender? And the King was Head Defender, with full access to all libraries inside the house, when he started going crazy.

At 22 he loses all his memory while travelling in Vaugarde. Nobody knows his name so he comes up with one! He meets Siffrin 4 years later and they both travel Vaugarde together.

He becomes a defender at 29 because we see firsthand how INVESTED this dude is in Vaugarde. He wants, NEEDS this country to be safe!! he has a lot of patriotism!!! He's not actively searching for what happened to him or his country, he's just accepted it and is building himself up as a person.

oh boy .. when he turns 31 he becomes Head Defender.... And when he starts reading higher-access books throughout the house documenting a disappearing country? He gets MORBIDLY curious. And... well... this fixation leads him down the rabbit hole that got him where he is today! Except, this time, with Siffrin on his side...?

Yup! Siffrin is here! They've been here the whole time! Siffrin watches a man he's grown to love and adore fall into the Deep End. And he would find the strength to be mad about what he's doing if it weren't for the fact he was super sympathetic!!! ugh!!! sympathy!!!

Siffrin agrees with the King... but not really? He agrees with his reasons but completely disagrees with the way he's going about it. The change from Lazare to King was gradual, but towards the end he treats Siffrin more like an object of study than a friend.

The King takes his cloak and hat to study the stitching, the King won't let him cut or dye his hair again because he wants (NEEDS) this still image of his culture, etc.

Siffrin pretends his behavior doesn't bother him (because the King goes full Mansplain Manipulate Malewife on him if he voices his dissent) and keeps sneaking away from the King using his hat-less/cloak-less disguise.

In doing so, he meets a wild Mirabelle! It becomes a habit to visit her and the villagers under this "disguise" (it's only convincing in the way that Clark Kent is convincing) and he's feeling that same friendship with them that he used to back when the King was Lazarus.

... Until the House gets frozen? And the king starts Freezing People In Time For Real? No warning? Siffrin is HORRIFIED, rightfully, and also super upset. Partly because Mirabelle "got frozen" (she did not get frozen) and partly because the king has TOTALLY LOST HIS MIND NOW. no trace or remnant of who he used to be. but siffrin wants to hold on.

and then Siffrin gets stuck in a time loop! Whoops! Honest mistake!

"How does he get stuck in a Time Loop if there's no party to stick with?" ok so. of course he's going to learn Wish Craft from the King, duh. The King tells him literally everything about rhe country as he discovers it (albeit, in incoherent rambles.). And he also has his own muscle memory to draw from!

In desperation, he makes a wish: Save Vaugarde/Sav the King.

"Which one of those two is it?" Idk! That's what he spends the timeloops finding out!

Oh, wait, now that I've talked about the time loops, I CAN TALK ABOUT LOOP!!! LOOP IS NEW AND DIFFERENT!!!

^^ This was the initial ref sheet i made while brainstorming for this au (and also the sheet that birthed King In Magical Girl Poses)

"So what's loop's deal?" yeah, um, that's the thing? Loop doesn't know either!

Loop is not hiding their identity! Much like King, they domn't remember anything until afterthe Reset. They're Siffrin, yes, but not Siffrin from SASASA:AP. They're Siffrin from In Stars and Time. They're THE Siffrin that the King's wish Reset!

Thus, Loop looks very different!!!! And acts a little bit different!!! Siffrin is the only one who can see Loop, for the time being, and they follow him throughout the loops instead of staying stagnant under the Favor Tree.

They don't like the idea of not knowing who they are, or where they're from. Siffrin sympathizes with the star, initially thinking that they just... had the same thing happen to them that happened to the king? But the reason Loop follows Siffrin through the house is because they NEED to know who they used to be, and what in the Universe happened to them. Certain things trigger certain memories, and... it certainly doesn't help that the party enters the fray.

"So was the King's wish not important?" THE KING'S WISH WAS VERY IMPORTANT.

Not only did it CAUSE the reset, but it gave King the precise tools to get a timeline that fulfilled his wish (It's not the Universe's fault he lost himself and his only chance).

BUT ALSO!! ALSOOOOOOO!!!! THE KING'S WISH CORRUPTED THE WHOLE TIMELINE.

Loops are meant to reset to the day before, with no one"s memory remaining except for Siffrin's.

This loop completely Reset the timeline.

The King kept hints of his memories from the past.

The party gets dejá vū from the moment they meet to the moment they step foot in the house. They feel like something is missing.

Loop shouldn't be here. Loop should be... Loop. Loop didn't wish to be here - it's a direct violaton of his initial wish to stay with his friends, but it's a wish that technically got overwritten when the Reset happened?

Ironically, Siffrin is the only one Out Of The Loop (hehe)

,,,,,,,,,

"okay so what's the stuff IN the timeloop?" you see. you seeeeee. I've been worldbuilding so that I can figure that out. And I still don't know..... I'm setting it up with this post so I can elaborate on anything later (asks are appreciated)

"You should write/draw about this" I am! Ao3 is llilyrose but idk if I'll end up posting anything there. Of course, my tumblr is llilyrose, too....

"You stole this from user llilyrose on ISAT discord!" um, look at my url again. thx

"What if I have questions about the worldbuilding/characters/etc." send an ask, fool.... I'd really appreciate it .....

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @steddieangstyaugust.

I'm An Island, But You're An Ocean

Day #13: "Please, stay?" | Word Count: 2191 | Rating: T | CW: Language, Recovering From Injuries | Tags: Post S4, Steve the Caregiver Makes Eddie Want to Run, Self-Sabotage, Angst w/a Happy Ending

They're fighting. Sort of. Kinda. 

Eddie isn't exactly sure what's happening here tonight.

The air feels weird between them, and Eddie wants it to very much stop being whatever this is, immediately.

"Settle down. What's the commotion?" Steve asks, putting his hands on Eddie's shoulders, stilling him.

It pisses Eddie off.

So, he shrugs Steve off, because Steve can't be touching him. Not like that. Not now. Not ever.

Even if he wants him to be. That's exactly why he can't let this continue. It's too dangerous. 

Eddie knows he's being bullheaded, knows he's digging his heels in for no good reason, but he also knows that Steve's pushing. Pushing, pushing, pushing. Always. He never relents. Never gives up about anything that he gets in his head. 

And for some godforsaken reason, Steve Harrington has made him a project. His main one, as far as Eddie can tell. Eddie definitely never asked for, or wanted, that. It makes his teeth itch, to have that kind of attention shoved his way.

Which is weird. Eddie loves attention. But not this specific attention. Because he doesn't know what to do with it. It's too overwhelming.

Steve wants Eddie to eat more. He wants Eddie to walk again. He wants Eddie to go home from the hospital. He wants Eddie to play the guitar. He wants Eddie to take a shower. 

He wants, wants, wants.

Eddie does one thing, and Steve will think up six more to add to the list. It's a never ending list of demands.

And yet, even with all those demands, Eddie isn't sure what Steve wants from him. Not really. It can't actually be the things he's demanding, because those don't affect Steve's life at all. What Eddie does, or doesn't do again, is no concern to him. Eddie can waste away in bed, and Steve Harrington should be unconcerned. Steve doesn't need to be here. He's made his amends, not that any of this was his goddamn fault anyway. Steve didn't drag him into this fucked up mess. Steve didn't bite him, chew him up, and spit him out.

So, he can go.

But he won't budge, just scoffs, and stays. Never taking a goddamn hint. He can't actually be that thick, but Eddie tries to push him away, and Steve moves closer, somehow. It's like they're coming at this from entirely different directions. 

Eddie doesn't know how to make it clear that Steve's repaid his imaginary debt. And Eddie can carry this load, alone. Would prefer it, honestly.

Eddie is an island, Steve is the whole goddamn ocean. 

He's overwhelming, and as much as Eddie wants to grab on, and ride that wave, he's too scared to leave the safety of the shore. Eddie doesn't get things as good, as open, as cool blue as Steve Harrington. Not ever.

"You can leave," Eddie says.

"I don't want to leave," Steve answers, distracted as he looks through their co-mingled tapes. Shuffling, banging them around, like he doesn't have them all memorized. Like he's not gonna choose the same bullshit he always picks.

Eddie can't take another minute of it.

"Well, maybe I don't want you to stay anymore," Eddie snaps, and Steve freezes. He looks like a goddamn deer caught in headlines. Blindsided. Shocked.

Has Steve really never considered that before? That maybe, just maybe, Eddie would like to be alone for a while? Why is that so hard to comprehend?

"Oh," Steve breathes out, and it's like Eddie's slapped him. Then he says, quiet and small, "Sorry. I didn't. Sorry."

Eddie squeezes his eyes shut, regretful, unable to watch him crumble. Eddie can see that he's made Steve smaller, and it's carving away at Eddie's ribs. 

His heart. 

He didn't mean to do that. He just wanted to usher him out now, ahead of schedule. Rip the bandaid off. Bad news first, always. Get it over with. No reason to let it fester.

And Eddie's life up until this point? Has been pretty much all bad news. 

Eddie opens his eyes, needing to see what Steve's doing. It's too quiet.

And that means he has to watch as Steve starts to gather up his things, all of his things, and they've quite obviously accumulated over the summer. Like everything Steve owns has multiplied and spawned all over Eddie's room. This isn't gonna be fast, because Steve's gonna need more than one box, more than one trip. 

And Eddie can't really help. He just has to watch.

Eddie sits back against the wall, and as soon as Steve's taken the first load out, Wayne is in the doorway. Looking at him with something akin to disapproval. Of course he is.

"Where's Steve goin' with all that stuff?" Wayne asks.

"Don't know, don't care. Out of here," Eddie says, and he refuses to look up. Because he knows Wayne will read him like a goddamn open book.

"Eddie," Wayne says, soft and disappointed.

"Don't Eddie me. He has a life to get back to," Eddie argues. "Steve Harrington can't hole up in the bedroom of a vaguely exonerated maybe murderer. It's absurd."

And Wayne shakes his head, leaving him be. 

Wayne gets him, at least. 

So, Eddie watches as Steve rushes through his departure. 

It looks like a break-up, a moving out, and that's painful in a new way. Since they aren't that to each other, and never will be.

Just when he's gotten it all, or at least everything visible to the naked eye, Eddie thinks they're done here. Finally.

But Steve comes back, this time carrying in, instead of out, and hands over Eddie's battle vest, no longer as nasty as he'd last seen it. 

The blood is mostly scrubbed out, and some of the patches have been replaced by an inexperienced hand. 

"It was supposed to be for your birthday, but, here. The best I could do," Steve says. "It's not great. I'm not great at, well, much. I know."

And Steve pinches his nose, closing his eyes, "Sorry that I overstayed my welcome."

Eddie wants to say he didn't, wants to take it all back, wants to hand over his heart in his trembling hands. Wants to buy anything Steve's selling.

But he can't.

"Thanks for everything," Eddie says, and he means that. He does. He wouldn't be here at all without Steve Harrington. And that's a lot. A lot, a lot.

But Eddie doesn't know how to do this, doesn't think Steve would want him to, even if he knew how. 

"Can you make it easier for me to understand?" Steve asks, and Eddie doesn't exactly follow. 

"Understand what?" Eddie asks, fiddling with his blanket.

"What I did? Or, not what, maybe. Just. When? How long have I been bothering you?"

"You're not bothering me," Eddie says.

"Then, why do I have to go?" 

Eddie closes his eyes and sinks back into the pillows. The big, thick ones that Steve brought him, thinking his were too flat and sad to prop him up while he convalesced. 

"Because you don't want to be here," Eddie says, waving his arms around. It pulls at his scars, the skin tight and wrong, he winces, hand finding his side.

Steve moves, on instinct, taking one step forward before catching himself. Stilling, again.

"You don't get to tell me what I want, Eddie. I guarantee you don't know shit about what I want," Steve says bluntly, and it's the most forceful thing Steve's said to him in months. 

Everything else has been presented as persistent suggestions. This was just a fact. A fact that fucking stings.

"Yeah, well. Nothing in my life ever came with a guarantee," Eddie says, and Steve hangs his head. Eddie doesn't mean to be so fucking negative, but it's hard. He's stuck. Damaged.

Pissed off.

He thumbs at his jaw, his face, forever fucking marred. He doesn't think he was much to look at before, all big eyes and wild hair. But now? Now he is that monster they all said he was. 

Steve reaches for the vitamin e oil on his desk, handing it to him. Every wince he's made, Steve has had a fix for, and he thinks this is gonna fix Eddie's scars. Eddie's skeptical, at best. He hasn't seen any damn difference. It's all still awful.

His face. His chest. His sides. His fucking dick. Well, not his dick. But right above it. His thighs. His calves. His fucking ankle.

He's beyond damaged goods. Not even The Frugal Hoosier would want to sell the wares he's working with now.

Steve is cautious, but he sits on the edge of the bed, quiet for a minute, before finally asking, "Do you really want me to go? Or are you scared I might want to stay?"

Eddie covers his face with his hands. Of course he doesn't want him to go. He wants to keep him for-fucking-ever. He's just not gonna get to, so sending him away now seemed like the best bet to retain any of his sanity at all.

"I'm an island, but you're an ocean," Eddie finally says.

And Steve laughs.

Which makes Eddie smile, reluctantly.

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm not a songwriter. I can't speak in riddles," Steve says, still smiling.

Eddie doesn't know what it means. Well, he does, but explaining it makes him feel foolish.

But he'll try.

"I can only rely on myself-"

"That's not true," Steve interrupts. "You've got Wayne. And the rest of us."

Eddie holds up his hand, "Let me. Let me try."

Steve nods, motioning like he's zipping his lip. It's charming. But everything about him is charming.

Eddie's so fucking charmed. 

"I'm just me. An island. Solitary and confined to my own little box. And I'm not mad about that. Not anymore. I don't want to be pestered, or poked, or prodded. I just want to exist, cut-off from the world."

Steve's frowning. 

"And you're an ocean. Lapping at my edges, threatening to overtake me at any time. You're a flood, waiting to happen."

"Eddie…"

Eddie shakes his head, "You are. I feel a lot, Steve. I feel a lot, and it's overwhelming to have you surrounding me on all my edges. Looking for a way to breach your way inside."

Steve raises an eyebrow, expert, and fucking funny.

Eddie laughs, "Not like that, pervert."

Steve just smiles, then frowns again, "I'm smothering you, huh? That is a thing I do."

"No. No," Eddie assures. "Well, yes. But I don't hate it. I'm just scared of it."

"I don't want you to be scared of me," Steve says. 

"Well. I am," Eddie answers, and Steve moves to get up, but Eddie reaches out and catches his arm. 

He's already spilled enough for the blanks to be filled in. He can't hide from this. Not now.

So, Eddie tugs on him. Not allowing him to leave, even if that's what he asked for. He doesn't want that now. Never did. He's just a goddamn idiot that loves to run. And well, his body isn't in running condition at the moment. So, chasing away seemed like the next best bet.

Only, Steve's hard to scare away. Thank god.

Steve smiles, and scoots up the bed, until he can sit right next to Eddie. Then he reaches down and takes Eddie's hand. It's not the first time he's held Eddie's hand, he did it a lot in the hospital, but this is different. This time, Eddie's fully with it, and present.

"For what it's worth," Steve says, looking at him, fully. Not shying away from a damn thing, "I'm not scared of you. Or what I feel about you."

Eddie smiles, teasing, "What do you feel about me?"

"Annoyance mainly," Steve snarks, squeezing his hand, "but other things, too."

"I feel other things, too," Eddie admits.

"Good," Steve says, "Now, can I unload my car and stay already? Are we done with this dumb shit you're trying to pull?"

"Yes. Please, stay? Worry about the car tomorrow," Eddie answers, "tonight, just lay here with me?"

"Okay," Steve says, "I can do that."

And Steve helps him get comfortable, like he's done a million times before. A pillow under his knees, rotating his hips just so, everything very carefully choreographed to take the pressure off Eddie's body so he hurts less. 

Steve's an ocean. 

And Eddie will stay surrounded, and float with him for as long as he can.

Eddie picks up Steve's arm from where it's slung over his side, and kisses his palm.

"I'm sorry I was being a dickhead," Eddie says, maneuvering so he can rest his cheek in Steve's palm.

"Oh, I'm used to that," Steve teases, hooking his chin over Eddie's shoulder, pressing his lips to Eddie's other cheek. 

And Eddie turns his head, catching Steve's lips with his own. It's chaste, and a little dry, but for a first kiss it sure feels like the start of something bigger, and better, than Eddie ever could have imagined.

If this is what being swept out to sea by Steve Harrington feels like, Eddie knows he'll happily drown.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddieangstyaugust and follow along with the fun angst! 😭

Notes: This has references to You're An Ocean by Fastball in it. This was originally gonna be for SteddieSongFics last month, but I went another way, and expanded this for Angsty August. But the references to the lyrics in the song remained, lol.

[canadianno]

TCOLC AU Bishop refs!

They're done holy FUCK. The art here is kind of old, so some of the proportions are a little wrong, but I don't really mind all that much. 15 hours and 89 layers later, all 5 bishops are done. On one canvas because... I didn't wanna make new ones I'm ngl.

Each bishop has an everyday outfit and a crusade outfit! If you're drawing them at any point (now or in the future) and you have questions about the designs, don't be scared to send an ask my way, I'm always happy to clarify stuff.

(Note: I would greatly appreciate it if people didn't make suggestive jokes surrounding any of the designs, I'm not comfortable with them! Love yall <3)

Ramblings below! Edited note: tumblr likes to completely break my posts when I add a cut sometimes, which happened here, so I'm not gonna put one in hopes that it doesn't kill my formatting again. Hopefully it automatically "read more"s this post. If it doesn't I'm very sorry 🙏

🌿 Leshy: It's to be noted that my Leshy is transmasc, literally just because I think he deserves it, it's cool as fuck. I really wanted to give him the classic top-surgery scars because, I'll be honest, they're fun to draw, but I had to find a reasonable explanation for it because he's not a mammal. Anyway that's how I ended up with an entire evolutionary explanation for why he would have those. I will never be given the chance to explain it in the fic ever, so it shall just be random information I have forever. I love him he's silly.

🍄 Heket: While I am a big supporter of tomboy Heket, I also think she deserves to be cool and wear pretty frills whenever the fuck she wants. She's awesome and her shirt is supposed to look like a mushroom. It's also worth noting that the crosses on the bishops heads are specific, with Heket having two crosses with double prongs. She has them like this in-game and there's probably a cooler explanation for it but. I have my own silly headcanons bc I do what I want! Also, since I can't decide for the fucking life of me if she's a toad or a frog, I've decided she's just. Both. Both of them. Her mom was a frog her dad was a toad. Is this possible irl? No but COTL is a fantasy world I do whatever the fuck I want.

🌑 Narinder: Main thing I note for Narinder is that he has distinct facial markings, you just have to look closely. Another note is that his clothes have a repeating cloud motif because of the fog in the gateway- which, trust, it was his own idea. Lamb doesn't know why he chose it but they're not gonna argue. Narinders' main robes are made of wool, but his crusade outfit is made of cotton so it's easier to repair if damaged. His crusade outfit has the Big Pants because he's mostly gotta fight with his feet now, since most of the time his hands don't function reliably enough to hold a weapon.

🪸 Kallamar: Kallamar is funny to me because he's the only one here who's plantigrade, meaning he's got human-esque legs. Another notable design aspect is that he has a tail, when squids do Not Normally Have Those. That's because my Kallamar isn't fully a squid, and you can kinda sorta blame my mutual for that. Not really it's me who gave him the tail. Anyway, no matter how you draw him or what outfit he's in those 3 dark red jewels on the golden chain thing gotta be on him somewhere- they're sentimental to him. He usually wears them as a crown, but in the crusade outfit they're around his neck to be safer. Also, on the crusade outfit, he has stolen a set of Shamuras gloves. Brat little brother <3

🔮 Shamura: Their main outfit really closely resembles their bishop robes and that is intentional! They made the robes themselves, and it would've been close to an exact match had the Lamb banned them from using golden colored cloth. This is only partially because Lamb doesn't like them, but also because they don't want the bishops trying to start a mutiny, and walking around in bishop robes is a pretty easy way to collect weaker followers like flies. Shamuras' crusade outfit is also pretty unique compared to the others, and one of two reasons is that it's meant to resemble their old crusade outfits when they were younger. The second reason is that they look really cool. The outfit is designed for mobility, mostly, and before you say anything, the hip windows are because Shamura usually holds close range weaponry in the second set of arms and hates the way they snag on fabric when its there.

[appleblueberry-pie]

OOOHHHH, OKAY HERE MY REQUEST FOR YANDERE MILE MORALES SCENARIO! I imagine him being the type of guy to break into the reader's locker and leave a CD(the song is probably cheesy like Radiohead-creep) while leaving a sticky note like “I really, really, like you. And I wanna get to know you more, can you meet at [insert abandoned building here] ❣️”~secret admirer (*cough* it's Miles *cough*) This freaks the reader out, cuz they've been dealing with this bs for 3 months and the authorities can't do shit, can I request the reader confronting their “secret admirer”? 🥺

N/A: I hope you heard me evilly laugh when I first read this. Boutta spill all of my delusions on this. Also i've never written worse luck than the reader had in this one.

Be Mine? Yes or No.

It's about ten minutes before first period begins and you've already spent five of them rereading the 20th love letter you've received over the course of a few months. You felt the hairs on the back of your neck rise as you continue to find more and more things to worry about in this letter. You'd think that this person would stop pestering you, but they really weren't. At all whatsoever. The same little sweet names they'd compliment you with. The same main idea they had in the previous note continuing into the next one. This has been happening over and over.

And it was so, so sweet when this fiasco first started. When you first opened your locker and it was placed so nicely in the center as if someone carefully placed it there. It was definitely spritzed with some kind of cologne, because no scent from someone just rubs off onto a letter like that. The beautiful envelope it was put in, the paper on the inside. The neat handwriting that was clearly practiced just to put some love onto the paper for you to hopefully absorb. And it worked the first three times, but it just kept getting weirder from there.

The way they wrote to you was extremely genuine, something that was hard to find in relationships nowadays. It really made you want to meet this person. They mixed in casual sweet names in Spanish into the writing in a way that wasn't hard for you to understand at all. They definitely had a crush on you. But then they began mentioning you in ways that seemed to make you borderline uncomfortable. Mentioning your beautiful hair, your eyes, your lips, the way you spoke, how you smelled. How they'd watch you and your friends in the park. Slipping in a few mentions of you walking to and from a corner store nobody in your school but you knew about.

They would write about how they could help you with specific classes that they knew you were struggling with. What foods they theorized you don't like(they were right), your type of man and how they fit that exact description, if not, more. How he knows he's the one you'd want and need. How the two of you are meant to be, he'd love you the way you need to be loved and he cant wait to actually meet you. How he'd bring you to the address of your favorite breakfast spot that no one should know about and he'd buy you that plate you always wanted to get that you couldn't afford. How he'd spoil you and-

All of this tension he built up on his own, which was all fueled by his own delusions, drew you to the conclusion that this nigga needed to be put in his place. You wanted a boyfriend. Not a fucking perverted stalker. Whoever this was, he was taking it too far, and was ultimately scaring you. It took you fifteen of these letters for you to realize that he wasn't actually slipping the letter into the locker between the cracks, but he was putting in the real code of your lock to properly unlock it. How he found it out, you have no idea. You didn't know what this guy was capable of and didn't know if he'd hurt you if you said no. But it had to be done somehow or he'd take shit too far and kidnap you or some crazy shit like that.

None of the school officials would help you because they're pieces of shit. Your friends tell you to bag him like dumbasses, and what the fuck are your parents gonna do? Yell at the dean and stand by your locker all day to wait for the guy?? You were all alone in this. So the most reasonable thing you came up with is to bluntly write to him to meet you after school at the park you and your friends go to often since he knows the spot already.

And quite literally the day after, you sat at the bench at the park after school, and he showed up.

You remember being so damn scared. What if he was big and burly and angry? What if he was one of the popular boys and would record the entire interaction? What if he follows you back home? What does he plan to do once you try to tell him off? You shouldn't have done this. The setting sun wasn't comforting you. The abandoned playground that usually was bustling with squealing kids was just making you more nervous. It was silent and cold today, but your mind just wouldn't shut up. Suddenly, the school uniform you wore wasn't as comfortable and you clutched your backpack closer to your body.

The wind blew gently on your bare knees and you heard someone call out your name. You flinched and felt your heart drop and turned to see the source of the voice, hoping for the worst. There was a boy sitting on a bench right next to yours. He was staring at you. It made you feel....unsettled and something else you couldn't put your finger on. To calm yourself, you listed his characteristics in his head. He was....reasonably attractive. Light brown eyes. Sculpted face. A light Spanish accent to his voice exactly how you'd imagine. Neat braids on his head. But something about his aura messed with you. He wasn't as good as he portrayed himself to be. You didn't want to speak and watched him stand from his spot to sit next to you on your bench. You clutched your bag to your chest as you watched him try to calmly approach you without making you too nervous.

With nervous eyes on him, he sits down next to you, letting a small smile grace his lips. "Hey, ma...how you doin'?" He sounded like he was trying to lure a scared dog into his arms. But it was awkward because he was trying to act normal with his dream girl and it was an actual human being and not a dog. "....fine." You respond. He scratches his nape and averted his eyes for a quick second. He really wanted to know why you wanted to talk to him. You gave no context within your letter, and it was a blessing, nonetheless. You actually responded to him. He predicted that he wouldn't get one for another good three weeks to two months almost. But this must be serious. He prepared himself for all possible scenarios that this could end up being.

"So....why'd you want to meet all of a sudden? It's getting late and I don't want you going home in the dark, you know?" You nod and take a deep breath, scared as fuck for how this could end. "Yeah.....so....I just wanted to tell you that I just- I don't want to be with you." It felt like you had to pull the words out of your throat for him to hear. You saw his face drop and decided to explain before he did anything else. "Like....I don't know you. I just realized that. You know so much about me and about my friends and the places I go to. I don't know a damn thing- Are you stalking me??" You turn to face him and stare into his wide eyes. He almost seemed as if he was caught doing some weird shit. And it was weird.

The silence started to make you angry when you realized he probably has been following you all this time. He shakes his head and sits up. "No...no, I haven't been stalking you at all, ma, I promise. I never want to make you uncomfortable, ever. Where are you getting that?" Oh, so now he's gaslighting you. If you brought all of his envelopes to this meeting, you would've dumped all of the evidence on his lap. You roll your eyes, grab your bag, and stand to leave. He stands at the same time as you when he sees you're trying to leave and stands in your way. "Wait, wait, wait, that's it? You not gon' give me a chance?" "A chance? Nigga, you lost your chance when you started being weird and fucking acting like you wasn't being weird this entire time!"

It was hard to get mad at you or reason with you. You were too pretty to get mad at even when you were nearly yelling in his face. And he had no logical reason to behave the way he was behaving, either. So, he might lose you unless he does something risky. And to risk your trust and love is something he doesn't want on the line.

You watch him watch you leave and he picks up his bag as well. The street lights turn on once it gets dark enough and Miles interrupts you walking away. "I'm not letting you walk home in the dark, Y/n." You flinch at his voice and growl a groan in fuming anger. An older lady passes the both of you and praises the mystery boy for being such a good gentleman and how 'there needs to be more of you out on these streets'. You almost slapped the fuck out of her for even hyping him up. He gives her a beautiful smile and tells her to get home safe, while walking you in the direction of your home.

He turns back to you and almost laughs at the face you're making. "I wonder how your mom would feel about you going home in the dark." "Mind yo fucking business." He happily leaves it there, continuing to walk with you down the street. Maybe this way, he can have more than one excuse to continue walking you home from now on. "Ion even know yo name." You mutter under your breath and Miles smiles at you. "My name is Miles. Great to finally meet you in person, Mami." You scoff and gladly let him scroll on his phone. You tried to speed ahead of him in hopes he'd stay at his slower pace, but he always caught up to you. You inwardly groan, knowing he'd probably make it to your door before you get rid of him.

"Glad to know the name of the person who's been stalking me. Now I can report you officially." You smirk at him and he gives one right back. "Just a name won't cut it, ma." "I got photos." "Where?" He hands you your phone back and you snatch it, realizing he was scrolling on your phone the whole time AND deleted your photo evidence. Before you can shove him into the street for a car to run him over, your mom bursts the door open and eyes the boy next to you. "Girl, you finally brought someone home with you." You didn't even realize you were on your street, better yet, your house. And your mom liked him already??

Your face dropped as you approached the front door. "No, no, no, it's not like that-" "What's your name, sweetie?" Miles steps up to the door and holds out his hand for her to shake, a beaming smile on his face. "My name is Miles Morales, ma'am." She shakes his hand before scrunching her eyebrows. " 'Morales'? You know Rio??" "That's my mamá, right there." Horrifying, how quickly a new relationship between the two bloomed right before your eyes as they continued to converse.

How are you going to get out of this? Your stalker is making great friends with your mom, no one can help because he deleted the evidence, and you would soon find out the next morning at school that your locker was clean of envelopes as well. Nothing was working in your favor and you realized that there was no way to escape. He included himself into your life so easily, when you wanted him out, out, out. You hated this shit, but he seemed to love it, sending you a look of appreciation as you both stepped into your abode.

Miles was so grateful for having you as a part of his life. The stars aligned and allowed you both a chance at beauty and growth. He wouldn't let this opportunity waste away like he had done many times in the past. You were his chance at redemption for all of the things he had done and the things that he planned to do later on. You were finally his.

[arimiaromage]

thoughts about dgm chapter 251

gonna throw my thoughts about these new revelations here.

bookman jr or past!allen?

she got us good! I was in shock when I first read it (all my headcanons about pasta, out the window! thrown! chunked!) but now I'm more fine with it.

I believe what happened was that hoshino drew the bookman jr in those flashbacks with nea on purpose - she wanted us to think that was allen and bookman jr. the flashbacks aren't past!allen with longer hair, this is definitely the bookman jr, as we can tell now.

it also makes more sense now why "allen" was talking about high concepts like the spiral being the force for life - it really was a bookman!

I fully think she did this switcharoo on purpose. if we look at her most recent livestream (translated by ponkotsubluuues), someone comments that they were shocked past!allen and bookman jr weren't the same person. her response is basically "yes, I know". she's not surprised people would think that, this was probably deliberately on purpose.

bookman jr & past!allen

okay, now on to some thoughts on who they actually are. I won't stick long here as we'll probably find out in just a few months and we don't have much to go on right now.

personally, I don't really care to ever meet allen's blood relatives. it's never interested me who he's "actually" related to and I always felt it would add even more complicated feelings for him and even more complexity to an already messy as hell family & relationship tree.

that being said, I wouldn't be surprised if bookman jr and allen are some kind of family unit, be it blood related or not. when they begin talking about the two of them as separate people, lucia refers to them as "two young men". so they're probably not father and son, but I could see them as brothers or some sort of brotherhood if they're not blood related.

maybe past!allen is a traveling clown who toured the world with bookman jr LOL.....?

either way, bookman jr was so compelled to protect allen & nea that he gave his life for them. I'm so, so eager to see their bond.

cross marian

who the hell is cross marian in all of this?

we know the cross has been around since almost adam's time, having been with mana and nea since they were children-

so we know that regardless of who is he, he's known about and visited the campbell manor for decades.

in this chapter, they even bring him up by name.

not only does allen ask about him, but lucia talks a bit about him as well.

and note that they're not saying something like "my master left a message for me" and lucia just goes along with it- allen says "my master cross" and lucia continues by saying his full name. she knows exactly who he's talking about.

(allen specifically says "cross shishou" = "master cross" but lucia called him "cross marian")

to me, this is one of the main reasons I don't believe cross is bookman jr. I believe he's somehow tied to the bookman, but I don't think he's the missing jr. if he was, why does lucia refer to him as cross here but not later? she clearly knows who allen is referring to, so wouldn't the bookman have searched for cross and found him with relative ease, given he was at the order for quite a while with bookman & lavi up until apocryphos attacked him?

lucia and the master only refer to bookman jr as "junior", not cross marian. if you're desperately looking for cross marian and are fully aware allen knows who that is, then why not call him that? what do you have to lose at this point?

and furthermore, if cross was this bookman jr, how did he forget who HE made the host? how did he lose allen? redarm!allen looks a lot more like this new past!allen and they both have redish brown hair - if you were traveling with this guy, you should be able to recognize him even if he's de-aged like 8 years, ESPECIALLY once mana takes him in and his hair becomes styled the exact same way.

I know we always have the deus ex machina of apocryphos' memory changing but I really don't want that to be the case for every character, the more you do it the more it becomes a contrivance.

cross definitely has SOME connection to the bookman, I don't feel like his mask and knowledge of bookman things is entirely a red herring. lucia makes it sound like cross reached out to them regarding the campbell manor, but I'll get to that in a bit.

the other leading theory is that cross is cyrus campbell, katerina's brother and head of the family. I feel like this holds a bit more water than him being a bookman, as it'd explain why he was the campbell manor when mana and nea were so young (and presumably before nea became a noah) and why he has worked so tirelessly for both of them.

remember, his innocence maria greatly resembles katerina. it's possible this is katerina's corpse, being infested by innocence. maybe this is from innocence cross was carrying finding its way to her corpse or maybe it was a failed attempt to save her, we don't really know yet.

(I'm not fully convinced about the cyrus theory either though, as why does nea refer to cross as cross instead of cyrus or uncle? how would the order not know about his family and how obviously tied to the noah he is? how could he not recognize allen, his nephew's most trusted friend?)

there have been some theories that maybe the campbells are a bookman family, which may be the case and would help explain why cross has a connection to both, but the way lucia words this part makes me think otherwise.

she makes it sound like the campbell manor wasn't always under their jurisdiction, that it came to be that way but wasn't always. but that might be pulling at straws. I just don't think she'd word it this way if cross = bookman jr.

I'm not fully convinced about either theory about cross as I see holes in both of them. just have to wait and see~

personally I'd still like it if cross was just a childhood friend who got way too attached but we'll see 😂 or maybe he was just pining for katerina from afar....

crown clown

I feel pretty confident now that this is past!allen being hugged by bookman jr, possibly for the last time / as bookman jr's way to protect him.

but I also can't help but feel.... it reminds me of crowned clown, you know? the way it wraps around allen, covering him in an attempt to protect him. even the cut off tips. it really reminds me of that.

the bookman are no stranger to innocence. we also don't know when allen acquired his innocence- did past!allen have it? or...... did bookman jr give it to him as he was dying? did he think it would protect him and nea (and why would he give a noah innocence)?

I would not be surprised if there was some connection between bookman jr and allen's innocence.

allen

I absolutely loved this part.

the pure conviction in his face. no regrets. he finally has a chance to clear up his mind, to cast away the fear he's dealt with for so long about who he actually is. so, so good.

but........ WHO IS ALLEN WALKER????? the burning question. who knows at this point.

I'm very excited to see the next parts, even if it apparently isn't the 35 year flashback (her own words, from the aforementioned livestream) - I assume it'll be a flashback to past!allen meeting nea possibly, or them finding out nea isn't a typical noah, or some major event that happened before shit went down.

yeah that's about it, see yall next time ✌️

[vasito-de-leche]

;R1999 - Self-Aware AU

Headcanons about an Alternate Universe in which everyone knows they're living inside a videogame. However, Vertin is the only one aware of the entity inhabiting her own mind, the real conductor - the "Player".

this is one of my favorite AUs to slap on whatever media I'm into so here we are <3 not sure if anyone's done this already, but PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE link me if you've seen any other ppl write for this AU! this one and any actor AUs are my absolute fave

this is just a word vomit introduction for fun, to get the basic ideas out of my head, so I can start writing for characters individually!

Okay, okay! First of all, some context for the AU before I go deranged overexplaining my HCs!

Aside from the "Storm", there is something else that haunts the people of this world: the fact that their lives are nothing but a simulacrum, part of a game.

The requirements to obtain this "self-awareness" is unknown. Those within the Foundation believe it's related to their respective "roles", that only the main and relevant characters are given the chance to fully open their eyes to the truth. Those within Manus Vindictae claim that one must be strong enough to break through the fog of complacency and their assigned scripts, to have their full potential unleashed and obtain true liberation. Either way, similar to the "Storm", this is a well-kept secret for a very good reason - everyone wants to have the upperhand.

There is one outlier to this whole system. Vertin is not only aware of the truth of this world, but also of her duty as the eyes and hands of the "Player". She must experience it all for their sake. Or rather, whatever she experiences will be the story that the Player will see.

This applies to her suitcase, the place where the Player's influence increases tenfold, bending everything and everyone to their will through her own body and voice. The longer one stays within her suitcase - or within her general vicinity - the easier it is for them to become self-aware.

How does one become "self-aware" and what does it entail?

The requirements and the catalyst for a character to become self-aware are still a mystery. But that's mostly because I specifically wanted to keep them as vague as possible, to allow some flexibility for NPCs and other characters outside of Vertin's suitcase.

The whole process of gaining sentience or self-awareness is mostly described as waking up from a nightmare, or a very, very realistic dream. It's like a switch, something that happens in a second without any warnings whatsoever.

I like to think that most of the people who wake up are easy to spot, because it's a jarring experience and panicking is the most normal reaction - but that they're often taken care of by the Foundation or recruited by Manus Vindictae.

The levels of awareness also depend heavily on each individual - some only know that nothing is truly real, that everything they've done up until that point was just a carefully scripted lie, the most basic realization. Others can understand the rules that govern this game and use them to their advantage, either through observation and study or just inherently.

Overall, the experience of being sentient varies as well, with some describing a disconnect from their body, while others feel exactly the opposite. Again, keeping it pretty vague so that people can fill in with their own ideas!

I'll talk about Vertin's case in detail when we get to her specific bullet point, but the same way the Player is able to experience the "story" through her eyes, she's able to see the same things they do - this includes the UI, the menus and everything you can interact with in-game.

Vertin as a character and a vessel for the Player.

The most common thing I've seen in self-aware AUs in my years of fandom is to turn the player stand-in (the main character that serves for the player to experience the story through and/or project onto, depending on the genre of the game) into an obstacle, one that keeps the characters from truly interacting with the Player, capital P.

The second most common thing I've seen is to simply ignore the existence of this player stand-in and replace it with the Player themself, either through isekai methods or thanks to the customization the game allows, etc etc.

When it comes to Vertin in this AU, I know I want her to retain her role as the center of everything, instead of being sidelined by the Player. She's THE Timekeeper, after all.

There's still some details I'm trying to iron out, like whether she's always been self-aware or if she became self-aware at some point during her childhood at the St. Pavlov Foundation. But I like to think that her relationship to the Player is a parallel to her immunity to the "Storm" - neither of these two things are inherently good nor bad. Surviving the "Storm" is helpful, sure, but it's painful for her. Having an entity like the "Player" haunting her is scary, sure, but it can be an advantage. It's a matter of how she utilizes the assets she was given, since her adaptability and determination are big aspects of her character. Vertin makes up for her mediocre arcane skills with unconventional plans and strategies.

But this isn't to say that Vertin isn't affected by the presence of the Player. Ironically, she's the one person whose freedom is limited. During battles, her skills and Tuning are available to you, they can also prove to be vital to win a fight, but in the end you're still the one calling the shots and choosing when her friends get to attack. You're the one choosing the layout of the Wilderness. You're the one picking which one of her friends deserves to become stronger.

In the last bullet point I mentioned that some characters can understand the rules of the game - Vertin is the most extreme case, as she can see the same UI as you do. She learns the way you like to fight your battles, your own strategies, she can see this and more.

Overall it's a very complex dynamic. It's not as easy as saying that she likes or dislikes you, that she considers you a friend or foe. You're part of her, you influence each other in many aspects and are stuck together for reasons she can't even fathom. While you may be able to read her thoughts most of the time, she becomes invisible once you enter the suitcase - the main menu of the game. Sure, the character you selected to greet you every day is actually talking to her, not you, but she's out of your view and therefore, out of our range. That's when Vertin wonders the sort of person that you are, if you care about her friends as much as she does. Are you playing just to be entertained? Are you invested in these events? Will you be there for her until the end of her story?

Another detail I like to think about is that Vertin is the only one who knows your name. Because at the very beginning, you were asked to input a name and she was there.

[screenshot was taken from this video, since it's the first one I could find that showed this specific part of the game lol]

Well, "your name" not quite right - she knows that whatever you wrote there is the name linked to your account, at least. And that's the name she knows you as.

Those who take residence in Vertin's suitcase or spend prolonged amounts of time with her, growing closer to her and all, end up becoming self-aware. This is a direct side-effect of your presence.

I like to think that characters who reach the 100% Bond can begin to sense the Player, to see the world in a similar way as Vertin does. Maybe even feel their presence EXACTLY like Vertin does whenever there's a battle. There is someone else on the other side of this screen, the fourth wall, who watches over them.

To some, it's hard to differentiate Vertin from the Player, as they just go hand in hand - but Sonetto, for example, has the easiest time telling the two apart.

On the subject of freedom and acting out of script.

The Foundation, Manus Vindictae, Laplace... It doesn't matter if they're self-aware and acting outside of what their script dictates, because they're missing one key ingredient: you. No one else but Vertin and her group knows about your existence, after all.

They don't know that the only story that matters is the one that Vertin is part of. The one that the Player gets to see and read and experience. And because the game gives you a very limited view into the lives of these characters, you don't know what neither Arcana nor Constantine do behind the scenes. You and Vertin don't see that, therefore, it never truly mattered.

Those most likely to start "acting out" are the troublemakers within Vertin's suitcase. Characters who are too curious for their own good, who are more susceptible to supernatural entities, who are just too impulsive - they would start to test the limits and see how far they can go, how much they can interact with the Player. Can the game be broken should they end up shattering the fourth wall? Is there a way for the Player to communicate with them? What will happen to Vertin?

I like to think that Vertin probably supports this, as she's rather curious herself, prone to questioning everything. She would also like to learn more about the Player, to truly tear into the game and see the full extent of your influence and her freedom.

Sometimes, Regulus and X will change their usual voicelines, just enough to be noticeable if one pays enough attention. Characters like Sotheby or Leilani might slip up and address the Player, rather than Vertin. Lilya, Pavia, Bkornblume have new animations and different expressions, ones you've never seen before - they stare ahead, as if searching for something, and then smirk or hum to themselves, deep in thought, like they realized something you're not privy of.

Sometimes, if you leave them as your selected assistant on the main menu, you can catch them muttering to themselves - idle quotes you never heard enough, about the outside world. Diggers does this the most, it's almost embarassing how easy it is to catch him talking nonsense, followed by Sonetto. If you leave Medicine Pocket alone for too long, you might come back to a screen covered in weird scratch marks.

On the subject of these characters being curious about the outside world and all, I think that a good chunk of them are generally content with the way things are?

We have to remember that in-universe, they're arcanists displaced from their respective eras. Their best chance at surviving is siding with Vertin, and if Vertin is content with the way things are, then there's no point in trying to disrupt what they have right now. They're curious enough to prod, but only as far as Vertin allows it.

And I think that's it for the word vomit!

There are some details I didn't know where to fit in, like the possibility of the fourth wall slowly dissipating the more time the Player invests in the game, leading to some characters being able to directly hear you if you talk while playing and whatnot. Or what would happen should someone outside of Vertin's suitcase figure out the existence of the Player, let alone interact with you in some way.

Or the concept of death being meaningless, unless it was pre-established by the game itself.

In Borderlands, there's this game mechanic where you can just be revived over and over and pay a percentage of your money as a fee, even though the canon that's established is that you play through the whole story without dying a SINGLE time - because the revival mechanics aren't canon. There's the divide between story and gameplay. That's pretty much the standard. But what about the deaths in battles in R1999? The amount of times I died to 1.3's UTTU's Flash Gathering is insane. How do self-aware characters feel about this, now that they know that they're bound to die over and over and be brought back because you have to do your Pneuma Analysis or reach the final stage of Limbo?

But that's pretty much it for now, I think I got most thoughts out of my system! Thank you for reading!