#and sometimes I say dumb things that then like��.. makes people not want to be around me I fear
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angelltheninth · 19 hours ago
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Arcane Characters That Are Big of Heart and Dumb of Ass
Pairing: Vi, Sevika, Vander, Jayce, Loris, Ambessa x Fem!Reader
Tags: fluff, dating, flirting, cuddles, kissing, sparing, muscles, protectiveness
Ko-Fi | Rules | Fandoms and Characters
A/N: This came to me today during my work break. I love himbos and whatever the female version of it is!
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PURE OF HEART: She will do anything, put herself in any kind of danger to protect you. Vi is ready to get into a fight with anyone, stand up to anyone if they're bothering you. The bruises might be there after but she knows you'll help her get patched up. Depending on where the bruises are she might get some kisses.
DUMB OF ASS: Charges head first into any situation and that more often than not gets her hurt. One would think she learned to use hear head a bit more by now. And just in terms of headbutting her opponent. However she defends her attitude by saying that she's the muscle here, so you should let her take care of things her way.
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PURE OF HEART: First of all she doesn't want anyone knowing she has a soft spot for you. She is very aggressive in her flirting both in public and in private but when you're up close, in her lap she will whisper sweet nothings into your ear. After which she will bite it. Don't blame her, she has an image to uphold.
DUMB OF ASS: Sevika has always been a badass in Zaun, but not for her brains. As respected as she is some also see her as a glorified bodyguard that's now dating her boss's cute secretary. She hears these rumors of course but they don't phase her when she's had a few shots of her favorite drink. Not her best moment.
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PURE OF HEART: He is a family man to the bone. And he sees you as his wife even though you're not officially married yet. It won't stop him from grabbing you around the hips and pulling you into a kiss, his tongue tasting of tabaco and your favorite drink. Yes, your favorite, because he wants to taste good when he kisses you.
DUMB OF ASS: While Vander might be one of the de facto leaders in Zaun he's made his fair share of dumb choices. He's forgotten to lock up more than once, leading to the people thinking the bar open and he walked out in his underwear. What made it more embarrassing is that you were right behind him, wearing just his shirt.
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PURE OF HEART: Everyone who met Jayce even once can see that he has a heart of gold. There isn't a challenge he won't try to take out, be it with brains or brawn. Knowing he's smart hasn't stopped you from visiting him a few times in the forge and appreciating the way the sweat rolls down his muscled body. He even flexes for you.
DUMB OF ASS: The amount of times he accidentally burned himself because he was too busy making out with you is astounding. He picks you up easily enough. But then backs up a bit too much, touching or stepping too close to the heat of the forge. Either that or he knocks important tools down when he places you on his table.
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PURE OF HEART: No one's got your back like Loris has your back. He's is one of the most supportive boyfriends you could ask for, husband material really. Whenever he notices you're having a bad day he will beckon you over and scoop you into his big arms. You're not getting away from him or his cuddles until you feel better.
DUMB OF ASS: Among the Enforcers he has always been known as the muscle, and as more than a bit of drinker. But he also tells the best stories. He can be a little crude sometimes, flirting with you and forgetting there are other people in the room. The next morning everyone is smirking at him and he has no idea why.
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PURE OF HEART: Ambessa will crush anyone who has anything bad to say about her, her family, or anyone in her army. Her strength is in her physique, strategy and loyalty of her people. But on occasion she can show her softer side, when it's just the two of you. It's one of her weaknesses, that cute smile of yours that she would do anything for.
DUMB OF ASS: One of her favorite ways to flirt, and have foreplay, is to spar with you. However that tends to attract more than a few eyes. She always acts insanely possessive over you in those moments, her head still in the fight but also getting in between you and her soldiers. it ends up looking a bit like a dance, much to everyone's amusement.
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kisakunt · 20 hours ago
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THE RICH MAN’S GUIDE TO CORRUPTION
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GIVE IT UP FOR LOVE
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warnings… i mean some absolute swine talk, gojo and geto are evil men, you’re a sweet and pure virgin. swearing, mentions of fucking, really just vile pig shit.
synopsis… suguru and satoru have a lovely chat over a warm summers breeze. oh! and sweet, un-expecting, vulnerable you is the topic of discussion.
a word from the creator… idk if i mentioned this but this fic is based loosely off the movie cruel intentions! banger film, check it out. i wrote a lot of this chapter awhile ago so if the writing style switches up next chapter don’t sue me. i’m excited!!!! here’s to the next eleven chapters of hell
series masterlist
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Gojo hates the heat. He thinks he's tolerated it before on his father’s yacht or when he did an unnecessary shirtless carwash for extra money he didn't need; but right now with the breeze through the window— that Suguru demanded be open— overbearing the air conditioner, he's absolutely positive that summer is the worst.
“Start of the year’s comin’, yknow.” He typically broke the silence— as if he could ever shut up to begin with— and he was almost always met with a:
“No shit.” strident response. Those seemed to be Suguru’s speciality, and provoking them seemed to be Satoru’s.
It’s too hot. His white hair presses into the drywall, feeling much cooler than the air outside. “I’m not stupid, Suguru. Neither are you, you know what I mean.” It’s an overdramatic sigh— a call for attention— as he turns his head over to look at him.
“They’re gonna ask us about it soon.” And, in some way Suguru can’t really comprehend, Gojo sounds excited.
His manner isn’t necessarily wrong, not so much as it is unexpected. The ‘new year, new fuck’ competition of Azabu was practically famous among the young men certain to attend— the sons of the sons who started it, and all their nephews or cousins or any synonym for a pig of a relative that they could come up with. And, luckily enough, they had the privilege to be top candidates.
The competition was started by the current dean’s uncle, a horny fuck-all type who would take any and all excuse to boost his ego while tearing down a girls— or maybe he really did just want a good lay. But, it grew and grew and grew, and now it was almost ritualistic, a second identity of worthiness in the form of fucking a virgin before anyone else did.
Sure, they were nothing but thrilled for it as high school reached an end, or even the first or second year of university. But now it just seemed dull.
But, traditions are custom, and customs are a necessity. It’s almost become lore throughout their little clique of affluence; whispered stories from childhood turned into real competition after a long wait, especially from a group of people who so rarely have to wait for anything. It’s inspiring, they think, means to associate themselves with a lower class; normalize themselves just a little more.
Alumni share stories at functions, putting the frat in fraternizing, nonchalance on the tips of their tongues. Sometimes the tone almost feels dark, and Suguru thinks if he were a better person he’d feel some type of sympathy for the girls. Any fragment of empathy he had wiped away when he won for the first time, though, wide smirk as his year mates glared at him; memories of the tight, albeit idiotic, girl engrained behind the lids of his eyes.
Even so, it gets old quick. And it’s not like they don’t fuck dumb, stupid, silly girls with nothing to say for the rest of the year anyway. So, he can’t quite figure out what Gojo is all too excited about.
“Well try to make sure your dick doesn’t get hard from the thought, you fucking freak.” There’s a giggle from the other man, a scoff too, and he pushes his hand out at him.
This is crucial. This is who they are together. A pair— whether it’s a pair of awful men or not.
There’s also a sense of trepidation that comes with it, of course. It’s exclusive, more so than they already are, and if you do one thing wrong- speak a little too loud, come off too brash, give a lackluster lie after actually getting caught— you’re out. And whose pride would want that?
“It’s stupid we always gotta wait for them to sit us down, it’s not like we don’t know what’s coming up.” He scoffs, arms crossing over his chest. “Plus, what a fucking weird thing to say to your kid.”
“I mean the whole thing’s odd if you think about it.” Gojo shrugs, hands stuffed in his pockets, forearms bare against the linen of his trousers.
He’s right, of course. Even if neither of them feel guilt for their actions, they can’t ignore the sinking feeling in their stomach when their own fathers sit them down and incite such a twisted view on them.
Be that as it may, it’s not too bad when that’s all they know, and it’s not like either of them are going to complain at a quick orgasm, a nice pair of tits, and that goddamn feeling of triumph.
“Do you think they’ll cry again?” Satoru mocks, brimming with glee as he leans in the direction of his friend. “It’s always funny, dontcha think?”
“As if you’d know,” There’s a smirk despite the aggression in his tone. “Dunno why it matters so much to you, you already got bitches babbling about you all the time.”
Gojo sighs, expression bored and childish and fucking greedy. “Yeah, I know but…” His voice peters out, lost in the room. Elation bubbles back into his features, warming his cheeks and animating his eyes as he looks at Suguru.
“Yknow, I heard the dean has a daughter starting, actually. Real sweet gal, even wrote a whole fucking magazine article about the importance of ‘saving your innocence’” his voice wobbles, eyes rolling as he sneers. “for someone you really love.”
“Sounds like she’s ugly.”
“Thought so, too, but..” He trails off, hand fishing in his back pocket for his phone, pupils dilating at the light on his screen. It doesn’t take him long to find the photo; clearly he’s been sitting on his discovery for awhile, anticipating when he could tell him. “Look.”
Suguru doesn’t like to be wrong, much less will he ever admit it. “Holy shit.” You aren’t necessarily the prettiest girl he’s ever seen, probably not even the prettiest he’s seen in the last month, but you were definitely something.
Maybe it was the curve of your jaw or the tint in your lips, but the photo set something off in him. On the surface he thinks it’s the just barely explicit face you’re making in your mirror, phone in hand as you look into your lens, but really, honestly, if he’s searching deep down— it’s the fact he knows you’re the one girl who wouldn’t just throw herself on him if he so kindly asked.
“Sugu, are you ever bored of this? It feels too easy, right?” Suddenly Gojo’s previous excitement feels misplaced, voice itching for more. “Hardest part about it is finding out who’s actually a virgin or not, and that’s pretty simple with how awkward they get.”
“What are you saying?” Maybe he already knows, maybe he’s hoping for the obvious, but he asks like he doesn’t care. The former moves fast, hand steady on the desk as he leans far too close for comfort. In any other situation, he’d probably be met with a harsh jab to the face, but this feels different— secret.
“Let’s do something, on our own, just you and me.” He almost seems too impatient, pressure digging into the ground from the toes of his shoes and gaze begging. It was the kind of thing that made you want to agree, if nothing else to just feel a fraction of the way he seemed to be. Before Suguru could even consider the idea, test the waters and make Gojo beg a little bit, said boy opened his mouth again.
“I mean, unless you’re not up for it. You don’t really seem like the type to make a girl give it up for love.” He snickers, raising the back of his hand to his forehead as he feigns swooning.
“Geto, I— I love you.” His voice is high, wheezy in his imitation and a little rude. “I think.. I think I’m ready- I want it to be you.” He cuts himself off with his own laugh, hand circling over his mouth to try to stifle himself. “Could you imagine?”
“The fuck does that mean?!”
“Cmon, Suguru, you’re not really the endearing type.” He’s edging him now, tone manipulative and pressing and snarky and Suguru knows— of course he knows, but it can’t help but irk him.
“What are you thinking?” And now Gojo’s beaming again, feet guiding him back across the room to his bag, books stacked neatly inside, lying even against each other. He pulls out a magazine and tosses it to him haphazardly before he reaches back for a notebook and a pen.
“Page 36, read it.�� The article is cheesy. It’s too long and feels like something right off a self care Facebook page. Suguru is sure he physically recoiled a couple times reading it; especially when you wrote ‘Virginity is a miracle— the ability to show someone how much you love them in such an intimate way should be saved for someone special.’.
It’s shocking that you’re the daughter of the man who oversees their little sex game.
Suguru thinks you’re vile— embarrassing and pathetic and a huge fucking waste of what seems like a really good pair of blowjob eyes. It makes his skin crawl and he verbally scoffs when he reads your finishing sentence about cherishing your virtues, so focused on the arrogance in your punctuation that he doesn’t even hear Gojo’s laugh.
“Pretentious as shit, right?” He snorts, eyes flickered as he recites the passage in his head. “It’s gonna feel so good to fuck the words right out of her mouth.” Suguru didn’t know what he expected from his friend, but it wasn’t that. It’s clear through, through and through, that he’s dedicated to the idea.
“I mean sure, I guess you’ll have your turn. Maybe she’ll fuck just about anyone after I win.”
“Wait, so you’re in?”
“Whatever.”
“Fuck yeah!” He’s joyful, fist pumping into his chest in a quick celebration before he’s holding up his notebook, standing directly across the floor from the desk.
The wood is dark, deep and marbled, glazed over the top and lined with little symbols of power in the form of trophies. It’s clearly something too nice to serve as a welcome mat, but nonetheless Suguru rests his heels on the surface, ankles crossed over each other as he leans back in his chair. His eyes point to the ceiling to look at anything other than the annoyance in front of him.
“Well clearly we need to set up some rules.” He sneers in his seat when he remembers not looking at him won’t make him shut up.
“Okay well we have the obvious: whoever fucks first wins. And I mean fucks, none of that sloppy anal shit. Doesn’t count.” It’s almost funny, but neither of them acknowledge it. If they do, that’ll come hand in hand with the fact they’re acting just like their fathers.
“She has to be sober.” He didn’t really expect himself to say that, but he did expect Satoru to whine.
Gojo lets it sit in the air for a second before he nods curtly and jots something done.
“Would it be too cocky to say she has to cum?” The journal’s away from his face now and someone could, and probably would, argue that the walls are lucky to see the boyish grin he’s got. His smirk pulls up at the corners of his lips, but Suguru just finds it vexing. Gojo is far too full of himself, he thinks, and he hates to admit there’s good reason.
Nonetheless, he has to give him a little shit. “Do they normally not with you?”
“Hey! That’s not what I meant, asshole.” There’s something sweet to Satoru, under all the sickening that is his personality. It makes people understand just why girls fall for him, and definitely helps him keep a good image to the public.
And there’s something smart to him that makes you feel like he could really pull whatever he wanted off. It makes the idea of competing with just him much more appealing.
“Are we gonna have like a— fuck I don’t know— like a time limit?”
“Fuck is this? A video game?”
“I mean no, but competition wise if it takes us like half a year isn’t that kind of stupid? Because who’s to say she won’t ‘really love you’ by then, and then you’re not making her go against anything, yknow?” And there's also something meticulous about him that makes him aggravating as all hell.
“Fine. A month.”
“Just a month?”
“Yeah, you’re right. Plus, anything longer than that and we’d just be a couple of fucking losers chasing after a bitch.” Suguru knows Gojo is giving him a look without even seeing it, the slightly judgmental and almost kind one he does. “What? You’re the one who said it to begin with.”
“Yeah, okay, whatever. A month.” It’s silent for a second, comfortable with all their years of each other, before he clears his throat.
“That it then?” Maybe they’re the same kind of evil. Maybe they deserve each other.
“One more, actually.” There’s that feeling from him again, the tone that makes Suguru want to agree aimlessly for no fucking reason other than the possible rush. And before he can fester; before his skin can start to crawl and his hands can get clammy just from that sheer desire in his voice, Gojo grins.
“You need proof. And I don’t mean her saying it, because you can bribe anyone into saying anything. Gotta show it, photo or video or something, balls deep or whatever the fuck.” That almost makes Suguru laugh.
“I don’t think she’s gonna go for that one, no matter how good the dick is.”
“She doesn’t have to know.” Now he’s really thrilled. He doesn’t know what it is, but that lights something in him, stirs in his stomach and causes a little quiver in his brow.
“Fuck yeah, man,” he’s really laughing now, pointing at the journal harshly. “write that shit down.”
There’s something unspoken over them now, a deeper bond than they thought they could have. Neither of them would ever admit it, but it feels like they’re those two high schoolers again, counting down til they can become something fucking great. This is the feeling they’re supposed to get from their fathers’ stupid fucking contest. This is actual competition, a chance to actually win.
A new air falls on them, mixed back in with that warm, rich breeze.
“Okay, that settles that then.” Gojo offers, fingers tapping the binding of his book. “She has to be attending the start of the year banquet so that’ll be an excuse to meet her. Everything from then on is up to us.” Suguru always dreaded that shitty event, but now he finds himself doing mental math to count how far away it is.
Even if the whole thing is trivial, and even if you seem like the most uptight thing ever, Suguru is a man of pride. And prideful he’ll be.
“We still gotta do the ‘new year’ thing, you know. They’ll burst a fucking artery if we say we’re not interested.” His voice is gravelly and calm and so not anything he’s feeling, but he thinks Gojo buys it when he chuckles.
“Can you be excommunicated from being a womanizer? Because I think we would be.” They’re almost joking like everything is normal. It’s different, so much different, but they’re acting the same.
“I’m gonna go grab some water and maybe call one of your maids to make lunch, you want anything?” Suguru shakes his head, shifting in his seat as he tries his hardest not to look at the journal Satoru set on the side table.
“Suit yourself, I’ll be back.”
“Whatever,” He waits after Gojo walks out. Waits a good forty five seconds before he stands up, and he crosses the room in about three.
He glances over at the thrown aside notebook, eyes quick as he scans it. The handwriting is adjacent to messy, scattered and the page is littered with semi vulgar doodles and side bars. It’s coherent, though, and even though they both know Gojo had no intention of giving it to him, it’s got his signature at the bottom.
1. Full fucking!! Penis in vagina
2. No signs of being inebriated. Absolutely stone cold sober
3. If it takes longer than a month after everyone is introduced we’re both “a couple of fucking losers” (< Sugu’s words)
4. Orgasms are important ! Or at least near orgasms (she is a virgin)
5. Photo / video proof. If you can’t get it, you aren’t in it (haha! get it?)
He snickers at four, the uneasy tone in the second sentence almost self deprecating. Despite that, he can’t help but feel a smidge of respect that he ended up adding it to begin with.
He grabs the pen from the table, pressing into the paper too hard as he leaves his chicken scratch of a John Hancock. Okay, maybe this will be fun.
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taglist… @moonlight-pearls @sharkerino @echerie
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burreauxwrites · 2 days ago
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“LOATHING” - (joe burrow x oc)
CHAPTER THREE - “thru the phone”
word count: 1.9k
warnings: 18+ (MDNI)! perv!joe, a wet dream happens, joe has a voice kink, jerking off, over the phone stuff…joe is just really horny this chapter 😭
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winnie sighs as she walks into her physics class, spotting a seat next to joe and getting her things out. she had been pushed and almost trampled by all the tall students roaming the halls. it was annoying, but thankfully, she made it.
“god, winnie,” joe snickers, looking at winnie’s disheveled and frustrated appearance, “you look like you just woke up.”
“well. i did. but also, people roam the halls with no sense of awareness,” she groans, putting her book on top of her desk, “or urgency.”
joe chuckles, knowing that winnie hates getting to her classes. even when they were in middle school together, winnie struggled with transitioning between classes.
“yeah? well, that’s the life of a student for you.” he nudges her shoulder, getting a small smile from her.
oddly enough, there’s something about winnie. he’s not sure if it's the fact that she styles her hair, or if she does a bit of makeup, or if it’s her fidgeting. maybe it’s the small pout she does when focusing. but she looks…pretty. really pretty.
joe watches as kaori continues getting her things out, deciding to take a brief moment to speak up.
“hey…you got a volleyball game today, right?”
winnie looks at joe, nodding with a smile. “mhm…why?”
joe grins, raising an eyebrow. “i’m gonna come and watch.”
her gaze softens. truth be told, she really did want joe to be there. she would never say that part out loud, of course. that’s straight up embarrassing. but hearing that he’ll be attending the game did make her heart swell with joy.
“really?” she asks, leaning back in her seat, “i’ll hold you to that.”
“trust me. i’ll always be around if it means i’m supporting you.” joe affirms, his eyes gleaming with a specific fondness to them.
for a moment, a brief moment, the both of them were locking eyes. they may have been looking at each other for longer than necessary, but they couldn’t look away. it’s like they were magnetized.
the bell rings, interrupting their moment. despite this, they share a brief smile, their faces both being bright red.
———————
winnie was warming up with the team as more and more people filled the gym. saying she was nervous would be an understatement. nonetheless, she’s aware of what she needs to do. after all, she finally made the team! this was the exact moment that she’s been waiting for.
as she practices hitting and serving the ball, she notices joe walk in with his friends, ja’marr and justin. his hair is styled with a few curls against his forehead, and he is wearing a sweatshirt with some black joggers. though his outfit is simple, winnie finds it…attractive?
no. snap out of it winnie. now is not the time to be ogling your friend.
as she continues warming up, her friend alina noticed her staring.
“winnie,” she asks, “you don’t happen to like joe, do you?”
with a pause, winnie holds the ball, looking at alina in shock; she wasn’t expecting that question from her.
“no. we’re just friends. why?”
alina rolls her eyes, “just friends my ass.”
in an exasperated sigh, winnie serves the ball over the net. “we are! we go way back. we had a falling out, but we rekindled our friendship.”
“and? i just saw the way you looked at him.”
huh. she did? winnie didn’t think she was that obvious. nonetheless she shrugs. “i mean. it’s normal to find your friend good looking.”
“well,” alina pauses, looking at joe for a minute before looking back at winnie, “you do know that you’ll have to deal with emma, right? she’s crazy obsessed with joe.”
she scowls a little at that. that was a very true statement. winnie isn’t dumb; she’s aware of the fact that many women are attracted to joe on campus. and sometimes, he plays into their attraction. it was something she never ever understood, but she just knew that it was something that he did.
as far as emma goes, she stops at nothing when it comes to getting what she wants. she’d beg, borrow, steal, lie…whatever it takes. but winnie doesn’t get why that bothers her so much. her and joe are only friends, so even if emma does want joe, she shouldn’t care…right?
with a small shrug of her shoulders, winnie speaks, “she can have him.”
alina scoffs, knowing that winnie is putting up a front. she doesn’t press on the subject anymore though.
meanwhile, in the stands, joe was…struggling. ja’marr and justin were laughing about something, probably a dumb instagram post or video. but he couldn’t help but focus on winnie as she warms up.
the way her hair is tied back and her stare is so focused. it’s attractive to joe. but even worse (or better), it was something about those shorts she was wearing. they hugged her curves in the best way possible, leaving nothing to his imagination.
in a way, joe felt guilty for being the perv he was being. this is his friend he’s thinking about. but with winnie looking the way she does? he’s a goner.
“joe…? joe!”
snapping from his thoughts, joe looks at justin and ja’marr. “huh…?”
“you good? you were staring hella hard at winnie,” justin chuckles.
“eh. can’t say i blame him.” ja’marr shrugs, causing joe to slap his hand against his chest roughly.
“i was not staring.” joe denies, shaking his head and folding his arms.
justin puts his hands up. “i’m not judging, man. i mean, she does look pretty good from here.”
joe huffs, waving their words off. “okay, guys that’s enough. i was looking for a very brief moment.”
and as if on cue, justin and ja’marr share a glance at each other. without words, they seem to agree that joe isn’t being smooth like he thinks he is.
———————
their hands were all over each other’s bodies, their lips floating across the other’s skin. the feeling of winnie’s nails dragging along joe’s arms made him shiver, his spine tingling from the excitement and pleasure.
“god…joe,” winnie gasps, straddling joe’s lap as the two sit on his bed.
joe chuckles, his hand on her hip slowly drifting down to her panty-clad core and rubbing very small circles. just small enough to suffice, but still be a tease. and the sensation makes her legs jolt slightly, her lips slightly parted as a breathy “oh, fuck” leaves them.
“you have no idea what it does to me, seeing you in your cute little skirts and stuff,” he whispers, watching as winnie begins to grind against his hand slightly, “or…maybe you do have an idea.”
he takes his free hand, cupping her breast gently under her bra. a soft hum of approval at the soft, supple skin, his thumb massaging her nipple. “the way you act so innocent and nonchalant…but you and i both know what you want.”
winnie’s body trembles at joe’s teasing words and touches, her mind cloudy with nothing but thoughts of him. thoughts about his hands and his lips, thoughts of his eyes piercing into her.
“joe…please,” winnie mewls, looking at joe with a dazed, love drunk look.
“please what?” joe, smirks, leaning in towards winnie’s ear, “if you want me to fuck you, then you better say it loud and clear.”
and with that, winnie wastes no time, nodding and looking at joe, “yes…yes, please, joe! i-i want…need you to fuck me so bad,” she begs, her breath hitching with every pinch and touch joe leaves on her sensitive frame.
“alright, princess. but only because you asked so nicely.”
as joe hooks his fingers around winnie’s underwear-
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
joe shoots up from his bed, looking over at his clock on his nightstand and groaning. he slams his hand on it, turning it off and rubbing his hands over his eyes. he looks down and…
holy shit.
whatever that dream was, it did a number on him. he groans, looking at his morning wood in frustration. having a wet dream about your friend and now having to deal with a boner because of it was not on his bucket list.
he looks down and notices that winnie is calling. and so, he picks up the phone.
“hey, winnie…what’s up?” he asks, still drowsy and annoyed from his dream.
“not much, just…wanted to talk to you. i know we have a physics test soon and i was wondering if we could go over some stuff?”
of course, winnie was up early. studying. but she sounds so pretty and charming, like usual. it pisses joe of to no end, but it also…arouses him.
“sure,” joe nods, his hand slowly, oh so slowly moving down his body, “care to tell me what you remember so far?”
“yeah,” winnie answers, and joe can hear her rummaging through some notes, “so, we’re going over thermodynamics…”
joe would occasionally nod and go along as winnie spoke, hooked on every word she’d say. and he knows that this would be a perverted thing to do, but he can’t help it. not when winnie sounds so perfect.
his hand gently wrapped around his cock, and he swipes some of the pre-cum off the tip. he lets out a small groan as winnie continued going over her notes, stroking his length. the reality of what he’s doing causes his cheeks to turn red, but he doesn’t feel like stopping; he’s too entranced by her to stop. and plus he needs to release some tension from that wet dream.
“there are four different thermodynamic processes, and-”
“fuck…” joe moans, perhaps too loudly. because there’s a moment of lingering silence. “um-”
“joe…are you…jerking off?”
shit. he’s been caught. he can’t lie. winnie isn’t that dumb. she may be a virgin, but she’s not stupid.
“um…yeah?”
“oh…” winnie murmurs, though she doesn’t sound disgusted. rather…intrigued? she eventually speaks, “uh…so should i keep speaking, or…?”
“god, yes…keep talking,” joe nods, sounding a bit desperate, not that he cares.
though joe couldn’t see it, winnie’s cheeks were dusted over with a slight pink shade. she’s never had anyone be aroused by her voice, but it feels…nice? and besides, it’s joe.
“okay…so as i was saying, there’s four thermodynamic processes…”
soon enough, winnie could hear joe’s heavy breathing through her phone. the way he mumbled out small hums and curses made the hair on her body stand up. the thought if having such an effect on someone was a different, but good feeling. even if it was just a friend.
with a loud groan, joe finally comes, riding out his orgasm as spurts of cum land on his stomach and wrist. once he finished, he sighs, resting against his pillow.
“so…you good now?” winnie asks, waiting for joe’s response.
“yeah,” he pants out, “i am…thanks for helping out with that, baby.”
baby…? the name caused winnie’s heart to thump, and she didn’t know how to respond, other than a small “you’re welcome.”
joe looks at his phone, his eyes widening. “shit. i’m supposed to meet justin and ja’marr for breakfast,” he says, quickly sitting up and using some tissue to wipe himself off. “i’ll talk with you soon, okay, winwin?”
“okay…bye!” winnie replies, to which joe bids his farewell too, and hangs up.
as for winnie, she sits on her bed with her notes. her face is warm and her legs clenched together.
it seems like she too has her own little problem now.
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we are so back guys :]
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luvsfics · 19 hours ago
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LADY OF THE LAKE — House of the dragon
Aemond Targaryen x Tully!Original character
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Description: The one-eyed prince is betrothed to a Tully. A fish and a dragon, a horrid match. Perhaps, with time, the two find they fit each other well after all. A dragon rules the skies, while the fish rule the sea.
Chapter warnings: mentions of arranged marriages.
Authors note: it’s been forever since I’ve posted, let’s hope I’m not too rusty. I tried to keep on theme with the Sesame Street names and I didn’t really like ‘Abby’ for a Tully so Natasha it is!
As beautiful as the maiden herself, many said about the daughter of Elmo Tully. Long locks of auburn hair and eyes as blue as the ocean, the perfect image of effortless beauty and innocence. Yet, beauty wasn’t all that mattered to the one-eyed prince. A pretty face isn’t all he wanted in a wife. What if she was dull, or just plain dumb?
“An alliance with the Tully’s will be a great opportunity for us, Aemond.” His mother explained, her face painted with annoyance. His eyebrows furrowed, why must he suffer the same fate of a loveless marriage just like his mother and father? Many thoughts raced through his mind.
He would’ve much preferred the solace of never marrying and becoming commander of the city watch. Many women have expressed behind closed doors their distaste for the prince, how hideous his scar was, or how he would never have time for a woman with his studies and training. why would he want to condemn anyone to such a fate of being wed to the maimed prince?
Yet, sometimes, late at night, he imagines what it would be like to have a wife. Someone to hold close, someone to protect, someone to start a family with. Nothing like the marriage between his parents, he would be good to his wife unlike his father.
“It is not up to you, anyway. You will meet the girl and you will serve your part as prince of the realm.” Alicent said, huffing out a sign of anger.
His nostrils flared. Aemond stormed out of the council room where few lords sat, swiftly making his way through the halls of the castle. His head swirling with anger as he made his way to the training grounds to begin his practice for the day.
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Natasha’s heart raced in fear. Many accounts of people have spoke of the second son of the king’s gruesome looks and rough attitude.
“It is a great opportunity and honor to be considered for this,” her handmaiden said as she laced up her corset. Her father had broken the news to her earlier that morning. They were preparing to set off to kings landing in before noon to reach kings landing by the morning.
She gulped. The horrid feeling of nausea flooding her stomach.
What if he didn’t think her worthy of him? What if he was the cruel man rumors say he is? What if he is ugly? Her thoughts racing around her head.
Of course, she dreamt of becoming a wife to a loving husband and mother to beautiful babies. Yet, it felt as if her world came crashing down at the thought of her betrothal to the prince of the realm.
“You will be a princess!” The young girl exclaimed with excitement as she tied the laces into a bow. Natasha let out a nervous laugh, attempting to lighten her own mood.
She prayed to all seven gods for their mercy, for she might need it in the days to come.
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The roads to kings landing were long, with her brothers Oscar and Kermit’s immature mocking, singing of their sisters betrothal to the prince.
“Nattie will be a princess! All prim and proper!” Oscar exclaimed, Kermit laughing as if it were the funniest thing in the world.
Natasha scoffed. “So hilarious, Oscar.” She rolled her eyes.
“Imagine having to marry AND bed the prince Aemond, commonly know for his horrific looks!” Kermit was almost dying of laughter as he spat out.
“Father!” Natasha turned to her side, the lord of riverrun barely listening to his children as he shoved his nose in scrolls.
“Stop tormenting your sister, boys.”
The brother’s laughter just barely died down as they whispered jokes to themselves.
Natasha shifted her gaze outside the window of the carriage, taking in the beautiful scenery of the kings road as dawn rose. Her nerves slowly returned, nausea seeping back into her stomach as they approached kings landing.
The heavy sound of gates opening made her heart stop, they were there. They were finally there.
The carriage came to a stop. “Lord Elmo Tully, Lord paramount of the trident and Lord of Riverrun and his children, Kermit, Natasha, and Oscar Tully.” The Guard announced.
Her father stepped out of the carriage to be greeted by the hand of the king, Otto Hightower. The boys went next, bowing to the Hightower lord. Lastly, Natasha.
With her beautiful grey-blue dress with sliver embroidery to represent her house, which contrasted prettily with her Mahogany colored hair and blue eyes. Fitted perfectly to her features and picked by her hand-maiden herself.
“My daughter, Natasha.” Her father gently took her hand and presented her to the hand. She gracefully curtsied, “A great pleasure, my lord hand.”
“Indeed, my lady. The Queen asked me personally to escort you all to the Godswood where she and the Prince Aemond await your arrival.” The hand said with a soft grin.
Natasha took in a breath, which was hard with how tight her handmaiden, Elissa, tied it. The hand led the family through the keep. Elissa quickly caught up to them from the other carriage, linking her arm with her lady’s.
The beautiful weirwood tree came into view as the guards opened the doors to the Godswood. Standing under it, the Queen of the seven kingdoms and the Prince Aemond with Guards and maids roam the area.
“Please, we have refreshments over there. Help yourselves.” Otto said as he made his way over to his daughter and grandson, most likely to prepare everyone for this meeting.
Elissa and Natasha stood to the side as her brothers raided the table of food and drink. “My heart feels like it might burst.” Natasha whispered.
Her back was turned to the prince, she was too frightened to meet his gaze. “It is alright, my lady. You are kind and smart and very beautiful. What isn’t there for the prince to like?” She caressed her arms.
Elissa peaked beside Natasha to look upon the prince. His sharp looks and long silver hair weren’t completely…unpleasant to look at.
“He is actually quite handsome, my lady.” Elissa smiled.
The River-lady slowly turned her head to the weirwood tree. Her eyes meet the side of the prince. His face chiseled and strong, his long silver hair pulled half-up, his Valyrian features graced her vision.
Her gaze raked over his form. His strong arms in his tunic and small waist she was almost jealous of. He looked as if he walked out of one of her romance books. A dashing knight for her to love and to hold.
Aemond’s gaze met her own. Her heart hammered in her ribcage as if she looked upon the face of a god. His own eyes widened, mimicking her own.
Through his own eyes, he felt the same. Her long, locks of red, shining in the sunlight of dawn, almost like a halo. Her striking ocean blue eyes staring into his own, and her delicate features. She was like an angel, cursed to live her life with him.
Her dress fitting her body perfectly, though he shamed himself for the those thoughts. For all have said she was beauty of the maiden herself.
“She’s quite beautiful, is she not, Aemond?” Otto asked his grandson.
“Quite.” He hummed.
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adragonsfriend · 1 day ago
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To expand on a particular point, but slightly to the left, I sometimes see the argument made that “Jedi are partly inspired by Buddhist beliefs, so to criticise Jedi is to critics Buddhism, so critisizing the Jedi is inherently prejudice, so stfu.” None of those things necessarily follow from one another.
(Please note: there are many, many words for how much I love the Jedi and believe they are right about how their world works and how to be good in that world, because I have written both essays and fics about it)
First, the world building of the Jedi involving significant inspiration does not in any way make them representative of Buddhism in the real world. A couple of movies could never contain the depth and breadth of any religion—at most SW attempts to communicate a few principles, with varying success. (Besides which, argument that Buddhism is the sole religious inspiration for SW and the Jedi when everyone or almost everyone involved it their creation grew up in a Christian culture, the main writer explicitly says their thematic opposition is “like the Devil,” and lots of the people involved probably have totally other religions in their lives as well, is frankly foolish)
Second, while a fan-base similarly steeped in a wider Christian and Western culture is certainly likely to be less knowledgable about and quite possibly prejudiced against other understandings of the world, people are allowed to criticise real religions. It should be done with the weight and understanding of what that means—telling millions or sometimes billions of people they are living they lives wrong in some way, and either tacitly or explicitly asking them to change it—but it is not inherently prejudiced to do so. Buddhism, like any other religion, is not some magical mystery thing which is above becoming part of societal or personal strife.
The difference comes in, like OP says, with how well you understand what you are arguing about. For me, criticising my parents Christianity is fairly easy to do with nuance: I used to believe, I went to the services, I read the book, I experienced having a church as a center of community, I’ve seen some good and some bad come of it. I could not say the same if I was critique any other religion, so if I wanted to, I would have to take far more care and do far more research.
There are many arguments about what went on in the SW universe, some of which come down to the ambiguity on interpreting fiction, and some of which come back to real world issues. Some of those arguments are fun, some of them are ones you and I have opinions on, and some of them are dumb; “Jedi are partly inspired by Buddhist beliefs, so to criticise Jedi is to critics Buddhism, so critisizing the Jedi is inherently prejudice, so stfu,” is one of that last group.
There are far more interesting rephrasings of it to explore, including but not limited to:
“I think your view of Star Wars is being limited by growing up in a Christian/other non Buddhist culture.”
“Well if you go and read this text, you’ll see that Buddhism actually says something similar to what Jedi say, but the text has a little more context…”
Or even, “clearly we both know fuck all about Buddhism, so let’s try talking about SW and the Jedi in their own rite, without drawing on real religions to make quippy one liners about how right we are.”
And remember, both-sidesism is always a lie—not just in that two or more “sides” are very rarely equally good—but in the very assumption that any issue of real importance has any inherent “sides” to it at all.
I don't and never will mind posts that criticize the Jedi, their beliefs, etc etc. I myself have pointed out the fact that many other people in the Pro Jedi community do not acknowledge or "allow" others to point out that, yes, the Jedi did have flaws as an organization, and they definitely had some very flawed members. What I do mind is when those posts (and their points) are made with a complete lack of understanding of the material being talked about. You are not building a good argument on the Jedi being wrong about attachments if you do not understand that attachment and love are not the same thing. You can be attached/develop attachment to something you fucking hate. Even then, attachment in the Star Wars universe, as in Buddhism, is defined by feelings of clinging or an inability to let things go/allow change.
You are not building a good argument on the Jedi having a slave army if you are not willing to bring up how they were put into that position, how they themselves dealt with that situation, and make an argument for what they could have done differently that takes the complexities of the entire situation into account. You are not making a good argument about the Jedi being wrong to hold Anakin's fear against him if you cannot and/or will not acknowledge that Star Wars' entire power/magic system is based upon negative emotions and our reactions to them. I could go on and on and on, but I would be beating a dead tauntaun at that point. My point is, approach the media and your arguments in good faith, with clear knowledge on what it is you are talking about, and you'll find people more receptive to hearing you out. That goes for both "sides." Just be good to each other, always.
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specialized-rexan · 8 months ago
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SCREENSHOTS I GOT FROM THE JEREMY JORDAN LIVESTREAM YESTERDAY. especially love the comments on his duck drawings. he was very proud of some of them since he needed to practice before the stream. he admits he does not draw much lol
and here's Lucifer's signature that Jeremy came up with: a cursive capital L attached to a pentagram!
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the stream was SO FUN and literally only felt like 20 minutes even tho it was almost an hour
at one point he mentioned he's making pancakes with olive oil now since he has high cholesterol, and that he LOVES how the pancakes turned out. someone responded:
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(later someone joked he should make pancakes with bacon grease and he almost shouted (not angrily) "DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE? I JUST SAID I HAVE HIGH CHOLESTEROL. I just said. I had high cholesterol. Are you TRYING. To kill me."
anyway back to screenshots lol)
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"Take that, depression!" was a popular quote to write on prints, and he said he hoped we're not depressed and it was very sweet
some more quotes written during the stream and other notes:
"I'm gonna be signing these prints of my boy Lucifer, the short king of Hell"
he drank both a cold smoothie and hot tea during the stream. "Doesn't make any goddamn sense, but here we go."
"It's never too late to fuck up--too late to fuck shit up" (a legitimate accidental stammer. but still perfect in its own way)
"Every time I hear the name 'Shay' I think of my daughter's friend at school. My daughter's obsessed with a friend named Shay. 'S all she talks about. 'Shay Shay Shay Shay Shay Shay.' Shay and Madeline. It's like 'You can be your own person. Clara. You are your own HUMAN.' …HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATHERINE."
hopes to go to some conventions for Hazbin Hotel. more likely to go to cons in New York, New Jersey (where he lives), or Philly area
"He's just a li'l cutie. :3 Is he really da bosh? :3" (wondering if Lucifer really is the Big Boss of Hell Himself or if it's just more of a title)
"Hope you're not depressed"
" 'Write something Lucifer would say to cheer someone up.' And I think Lucifer would think that… 'SINGING MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER!' At least when it comes to rebuilding your relationship with your daughter."
"Guess what's in my smoothie. There are six ingredients. Go."
"…said draw a little duck, so I drew the smallest duck I could. (holds print up to camera then says in small high-pitched voice:) It's a little duck!"
MORE QUOTES UNDER THE CUT. THIS POST IS GETTING LONG ASFQJSKSKSKKS
_____
about his smoothie again: "Obviously, I just went to the gym. So I gotta have some kinda supplement in there. ... WHAT'S THE BASE, Y'ALL? YOU GOTTA HAVE A BASE." (someone could use that audio and give a character a bass guitar lol)
(still about people guessing smoothie ingredients:) "WATER? Why would I put water in my smoothie. (mutters:) Water is for losers. ... Kale! -grins and points at camera- That's it! You win. That's my smoothie."
his smoothie was blueberries, bananas, strawberries, protein powder, almond milk, kale
"…with a hUUGE shmiley faysh! :3" (about a little " =) " smile he wrote with an autograph)
"THAT DUCK IS CUTE!"
"We love, we stan Lilith"
AGGRESSIVELY, ABOUT A JOKE HE MADE: "GET IT?"
Some fatherly advice from Lucifer: "Don't fuck up your lives like I did 😎"
HE SANG THE START OF HELL'S GREATEST DAD AND WANTS A MIMZY-LESS VERSION THAT ACTUALLY HAS AN ENDING QSJFKSKKSKS
he's only seen Hazbin Hotel once, and he had "~champagne fountains, caviar mountains, that's just to staaart~" going through his head for the two+ years between recording his lines and the show airing. he wasn't able to tell anyone it because of non-disclosure stuff, and eventually he even forgot what that song line was from. but it still went through his head
"[Person he was signing an autograph for] is a bi girl [bisexual], and that's pretty baller"
"AN INCREDIBLE DUCK YOU SHALL HAVE"
"Take that depression!! Quack"
"Hold please!" (i just liked imagining Lucifer saying almost any small thing)
Jeremy Jordan says Lucifer is short, and not just that all the other characters are tall (i cannot confirm that that is canon even tho that's what i want LOL) "What gives!? There are short people in this world, and they need some love"
someone asked what he thinks about OC x canon ships. he was confused about what OC means and then when the chat explained, he was confused about how "OC x canon" works. but he figured it out after thinking for a moment. "So basically everybody wants to fuck Lucifer. GOT IT."
"Am I going to Hell for this" (about all the pentagrams he's drawing)
"…so i just did a bunch of stars and hearts around Emery's name 💜"
someone asked about his favorite Hazbin Hotel song, and he answered that season 2 has a rock song he really likes 👀 👀
"(a requested phrase for an autograph:) 'Duck lord loves you no matter what.' ...Don't know what that particularly means but…"
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foxgloveinspace · 6 months ago
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I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.
#delete later#I know I’m not a good friend#but i think it’s trauma related#and I know that’s not an excuse#but a reason#and I’m just… also tired of people leaving me#I don’t strike up conversations anymore cause I was the friend who always did so#I was always the one making the effort to be in other peoples lives#and it sucks. ya know.#and sometimes I say dumb things that then like….. makes people not want to be around me I fear#and like…. yeah…. that’s part of life#but I’m just so tired of being alone#I want friends. I want people to send post cards and letters too#and I wanna hang out with people#and I want them to tell me things I want them to tell me how they are feeling#like. online friends are great!!#don’t get me wrong!!#but I know I’m not a great online friend either.#and when I try to be I fear I come off as flirting. like sometimes I am. don’t get me wrong#but I wish I could just… go to a friends house and sit with them and hold their hand when they are having a bad day and have the same done#for me!!!#I am always giving…. I am always giving parts of myself to people who don’t give themselves back#I still know my ex-best friends favorite color but I doubt she knows what mine was when we where friends#if you read this far just…. ignore it oof.#it’s just a rant#sometimes I rant in a tumblr post cause reading rants back in old journals is. bad. for my mental health#my adhd just picks the emotions right back up and then I go through it again. so it’s best to tumblr rant#I’ve also been having complicated gender emotions again#I don’t hate the idea of being a woman/girl as much as I used to. and it’s throwing me off a bit#I mean it’s right on time really… I have a gender crisis almost every four years…
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youngerfrankenstein · 7 months ago
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I’m starting to think a lot of people on Tumblr think “doomed by the narrative” just means “bad things happen to a character”.
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 2 months ago
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i also find it very funny how people think laura actually cared about james at all when his name is only mentioned 4 times in the secret diary and they all occur in the same paragraph in which she's mentioning lying to dr. jacoby *scratches head* ... meanwhile here's just a few of the times she mentions bobby
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like idk you tell me who she was actually in love with
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bl00dh0rs3 · 2 years ago
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God. God. God. Holy fucking shit i love Avatar so fucking much
#horse.txt#im being so real right now it breaks my goddamn heart that so many people hate it on principle and go into it waiting to be disappointed#like. god. seriously? how do so few people seem to see the shit im seeing? how do people not GET its RIGHT THERE???#idk man im like. high and the hd release is out so it feels like Christmas but this shit has been on my mind and its at like a precipice#its one thing when ppl just aren't into it but the absolute LOATHING and DISDAIN people harbour for these movies is just. baffling#i cant understand it#i hate statistics. why did it have to pan out this way#how can anybody hate this production literally decades in the making? the fucking DEFINITION of a Passion Project?#the labour and love and inventive GENIUS that has gone into these films--and#you know what? the writing ISN'T that fucking awful. its not perfect because no movie is ever fucking perfect and sometimes you#have to give a script and characters breathing room. room to make mistakes!!! because this fucking obsession with#'characters dont have to be realistic!' is BULLSHIT. and NO saying that does not conflict with the idea that Characters=/=real ppl in#discourse!the ideas can fucking coexist! having realistic characters is GOOD its fucking GOOD when theyre stupid and do shit you dont like!#because thats what REAL PEOPLE DO thats what makes them fucking COMPELLING thats what youre SUPPOSED to let draw you in!!!!!!#but noooo no no no no keep repeating your smurf pocahontas jokes and roll your eyes at anyone who does like it like theyre stupid#because you can't be assed to give something a chance just because everyone Else is calling it stupid#and you dont want them to roll their eyes at /you/#i know this is dumb to be so heated about but im just. im sad man. im happy im having a great day!! but im sad#about how few people i can share it with yk..???
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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gregmarriage · 10 months ago
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i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way
#like i don’t actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing#which isn’t bad in itself#but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why#bruh you haven’t spoken to your friends in quite a while#if i was a sim my social bar would be red#but i still don’t wanna talk to people sometimes#like i have to physically force myself just to say ‘hey!#everyone pray for gwen’s social life bc it sucks and isn’t really getting any better even tho i’m trying my hardest#i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl i’ve always wanted to talk to#but my stupid brain won’t let me#i’m trying to push past it though#it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc i’m bad at friendship#idk maybe that isn’t fair#but i still wouldn’t say i’m great at it#idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me#or even just sending messages to new people#or even my friends who i know won’t judge me but still#idk i’m still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like i’m bugging people#and i believe them when they say i’m not but it doesn’t stop completely me from feeling that way#literally ‘hey’ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them#like god! way to be annoying gwen!!#yes i know it’s my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it#and so much letting myself feel it#and i only have so much energy as it is#not that it matters#bc most ppl don’t care as long as i check in sometimes#but again i repeat my earlier statement#don’t wanna check in i feel cringe#need friends and communication but cannot maintain them#like the 100th post i’ve made but it’s what my thoughts are currently
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vilelittlecritter · 2 years ago
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Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"
People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"
Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"
#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse#like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont#ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean#i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun#lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly#oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well#the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that#oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour#as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little#so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends!#ha ha. this is agony.#i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone#which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one#also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse#i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy#its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking#yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much#im also just really snappy sometimes#I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine#they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them#i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents#they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them#sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone#i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it#sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay#I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor#again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon#if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed#personal rambles#vent tag
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oh-cramity-its-amity · 10 months ago
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its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.
anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.
She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them. It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock. She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning. One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time. “You have my heart.”
yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.
all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.
#NOT TOH FANFIC#see this is why i write fanfic. to enact some gay ass shit like this.#the fucking STICKY NOTE WITH A DRAWING OF A HUMAN HEART AND SAYING “YOU HAVE MY HEART” I AM ON THE FLOOR.#*sighs* sucks i cant reuse it on lumity though.#my friend making me realize i actually have rizz but am just too much of a disaster to actually understand cues with people#its a MESS. im just all over the place. i literally ranted to THE SAME FRIEND yesterday (or the day before??) abt some girl jesus.#anyway i remember writing A LOT OF POETRY back in hs about this one girl and then the same girl i got to talk to--#--my first actual conversation with her i blurted out that i wanted to shave my head. she was like.... oooooo god i was A MESS#still slid into her school dms during covid and was like “haha guess what i actually mf did???” anyway all that to say underlying dysphoria#they're nonbinary now too and i kinda ghosted them like a complete idiot :(. its been two years or so but i still think of them... a lot...#actually i have more lore about this person and its like istg they actually really liked me but i could not pick it up.#we had such SUCH good chemistry and vibes. n they were really pretty. ughhhhhh.#anyway yeah idk crushes are weird sometimes. the universe knows how unstoppable id be with a partner#i feel like i was the reason they were able to find themself and their identity because when we were talking i always encouraged them#and told them to do what felt right. im glad they did. i think sometimes that brings me peace. like i served a purpose.#STILL showed them toh. STILL SHOWED THEM TOH.#we were talking about amity LMAO “this green haired girl seems interesting” SHE SO WAS.#...yeah i wish i could text them but i kinda probably fucked it up.#shitposting shit#idk what this post is i just wanted to talk about this dumb sticky note thing because im rotating it in my brain and remembering how#mentally ill i was back in 2020#talking into the void yk how it isssss
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r1ghtwhereyouleftme · 11 months ago
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Me: I hate [insert thing here] discourse
Also me: *gets so annoyed when people are blatantly stupid and do things thay make zero sense therefore making me go along with discourse bc I can only handle so much stupidity*
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medicinemane · 1 year ago
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I get very tired of dealing with people who are so busy being "practical" that they're just totally prescriptive
I tend to be, I think, a fairly pragmatic person. Like most years I spend about... maybe $50 on myself for the whole year (this year is going to be a bit higher, but there's also specific utility to what I'm spending it on). I tend to not bother buying myself snacks, cause I know I'm mostly hungry, and if I'm hungry real food is a better deal (I sadly tend to fail to get ahold of the real food either)
My point is that I tend to be very goal oriented (not in a ladder climbing way, in a I set goals and then work towards them kinda way), I tend to be very focused on what will push my situations into being sustainable, I tend to look for high efficiency, low cost, long term solutions
I was... I was talking to that friend I'll say is Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass (I was more trying to talk to my dad, but they were both there). It was definitely Mr Dumbass today
For one thing, he was already saying a bunch of really fucking dumb shit where... it's so stupid I'm not even going to repeat it, where it's like the answer for why we don't do that is because it's obviously a moronically stupid idea on top of being immoral, and also totally ineffective you dipshit
So I already wasn't in the mood for him
Then, while talking about visiting my grandma, I mention how in order to start cooking I need sharp knives, none of my knives are sharp (cause my mom's a fool and dulls them all), and how it would really help if I could just take a knife from my grandma since she doesn't cook anymore and just... keep it as my personal knife that I keep sharp
(I can't do this, cause my grandma is... bug fuck crazy, and legit believes that if you gift someone a knife they'll kill people with it which like... where do you even get that idea, like she has literally said before that she'd give money to buy a knife but wouldn't give one as a gift... what?)
Anyway, Mr Dumbass starts going on about how I can just buy a new knife, and it's like no... in your quest for objective practicality you've lost all pragmatism
I don't need to buy a new knife, I need to learn to sharpen knives which... which I just have a bit of a block on cause I've had trouble figuring out how to sharpen stuff so far (I've come to suspect that which of the hard and soft stones you use first and second isn't intuitive and I've been trying to hone with the sharpening stone and sharpen with the honing stone)
Like... to get mean for just a slight moment, shut your fool mouth, you've got more money than I've ever even touched, and while you were poor at one point when you were younger you've clearly forgot, and not everyone can just buy stuff
Also you're saying a bunch of dumb shit tonight with such confidence and it's pissed me off
He's capable of being a very very smart and compassionate person, and then other times he's a damn fool, and far too often he... he talks about practicality without actually understanding how to be practical
Being practical requires working in the confines of reality
...I don't know, I don't think I have all the words I need to explain what I'm saying, but the point is he's annoyed me and people who act like him annoy me where it's like... nothing matters in the end other than if you actually solve something
You can talk all day about what someone "should do", but what matters is what they will do
So it gets frustrating talking with my family with him cause he has all this ideas where it's like... that functionally won't work, and like some of his great ideas are how I can just wait for my grandma to die and get the knife then and it's like... yeah... but I need a knife now dummy, and I have knives, and which is more useful?
Dropping a pretty penny on a new knife, or finishing learning a skill I really fucking need badly and that makes it so I can sharpen things for next to free forever?
...I'm just tired of having to do everything myself and getting no help, that's all. How about you shut your fucking mouth, stop trying to offer advice that's worse than my plans I'm already slowly turning the gears on making happen, and just let me bitch about my idiot relatives?
Laughing at this fool antics when he chooses to do that, legitimately is more helpful than any attempts to help
#last two paragraphs are things that sadly a lot of people could learn#sometimes you need to shut your mouth and just listen#and this is why I have my no advice without action policy#if the rolls were reversed; I'm not willing to suggest someone buy a knife unless I'm willing to pay for it#most I'll ever do is something like say 'Just wondering if this is something you've already tried'#like know someone who go hacked here; and I just asked if they're running two factor authentication now cause if not it might help#like that's the outside amount of advice I'm willing to offer without action#because it acknowledges that they may have already thought of it; and it more just tries to float an option than it does suggest shit#honestly... I think I'd be less annoyed if it was like 'what about buying a new knife?; rather than 'you should buy a new knife'#advice in the form of a question makes for a dialogue rather than dictation#lets the other person just explain why something won't work if they've already considered it#like in this case... money; way rather just sharpen shit and get to spend money on food instead of a knife#like... this is the crux of what I complain about with my grandma; that groceries are my number one desire with money#are you my grandma? suggesting that I just flippantly spend money once it becomes something you'd want to spend it on?#...and the answer honestly is that yeah that's usually how people are#they can laugh off wasting money on shitty over priced clothes; but when it's what they like spending on that's what everyone should do#...maybe I fail at it; but I try not to do that#try to just be a back up to people and support them in whatever matters to them#and once again; only offer advice when I'm actually willing to do something like drop the money on getting them the thing I think they need#eh... I don't want to share the other dumb shit he was saying cause... dear god#edgy stoned dipshit talk; you know?#framed as actionable policy#good guy; helped me move shit up (I mostly needed a driver) but... utter fucking ass too much of the time#there's reasons we're not closer
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