#and some days (today among them) I feel like I am taking up space

[misscammiedawn]

The thing that sucks most about this is that those who are accused of being annoying and needy and desperate are likely the ones who were deprived of those massive necessities of the soul and the knowledge of being perceived this way is typically seen as unwanted too.

It makes a person lack confidence, it makes them as a social drain who is concerned about being too much, too loud, too annoying. It dampens their ability to shine and the act of apologizing for whatever light they give off, as they have been trained to expect punishment for being perceived, makes it harder for others to give them what they need.

It's a horrible vicious cycle that causes the attention starved person to blame themselves for the fact that they are supposedly unwanted/unloveable and worse, it causes them to flinch at receiving the very thing they need.

its kinda weird that humans, a social species, view “attention-seeking” as a negative trait

[pdriesta]

CHAPTER ONE

“i want something that i know is real”

pairing — judexblack!girl

genres — fluff, slow burn, workplace romance (she’s a pt)

warnings — sexual themes (minors dni)

word count — 6k

summary — y/n, a rising physiotherapist, has just been promoted to work with real madrid's men's team. after a difficult breakup, she's determined to keep things professional. but when jude bellingham, the club's charming new star, sets his sights on her, maintaining boundaries becomes harder than ever. can she resist the pull, or will she risk everything for a love she swore she’d never fall for again?

an — i am so sorry for the delay! here’s chapter one (for the second time LOL) . i found the taglist thankfully through a reblog so let me know if any of you have reblogged the previous chapters it would save me so much time <3

masterlist

the sun was setting over valdebebas, casting long shadows across the training pitches as the players finished up a particularly grueling session. jude bellingham was among the last to leave the field, sweat dripping from his brow as he wiped his face with the back of his hand. his muscles ached, the intensity of the training pushing him to his limits, but he relished the challenge.

as he made his way to the physio room, his thoughts were already on y/n. he’d been looking for an excuse to talk to her again, and after today’s session, he had a perfect reason.

when jude entered the physio room, it was quiet except for the soft hum of the air conditioning. y/n was there, as he’d hoped, focused on organizing some equipment. she looked up as he walked in, her expression shifting from concentration to a warm, professional smile.

“hey, y/n,” jude greeted, his voice slightly breathless from the workout. “i think i might need some of that magic you worked on me the other day. today’s session was brutal.”

y/n nodded, her eyes scanning him with a practiced eye. “you look like you’ve been through it,” she remarked, a hint of concern in her tone. “come on, take a seat, and let’s see what we’re dealing with.”

jude followed her instructions, lowering himself onto the treatment table with a wince. “you’re telling me. i don’t think i’ve ever run that much in one session.”

y/n smiled softly as she gathered her supplies. “that’s madrid for you. they push you hard because they expect the best.”

“yeah, well,” jude leaned back on his elbows, letting out a dramatic sigh, “i guess that means i’ll be seeing a lot of you, then.”

there it was—the flirty edge to his voice that had become a bit of a trademark in their interactions. y/n, ever the professional, chose to ignore the bait, focusing instead on her work.

“you should be careful what you wish for,” she replied evenly, adjusting the height of the treatment table. “if you’re here too often, it means you’re not taking care of yourself.”

“trust me, i’ll do my best to stay out of trouble,” jude said, flashing her a charming grin. “but i wouldn’t mind having you around more often. makes the pain a little more bearable.”

y/n rolled her eyes playfully, but she didn’t comment, keeping her focus on his treatment. “let’s take a look at those legs,” she instructed, patting the space between his knees. “you can sit up for this.”

jude complied, sitting up straight as y/n moved to stand between his legs, her hands expertly probing the muscles in his thighs. the closeness of their positions was not lost on either of them. jude could feel the warmth of her body, the subtle brush of her arm against his as she worked, and he found himself leaning in just a little, his eyes tracing the curve of her jaw, the softness of her lips.

but it was y/n who felt the shift the most. as she focused on the treatment, her fingers gently kneading the tense muscles in jude’s legs, she couldn’t help but take in his presence. up close, she noticed details she hadn’t before—the way his skin glistened slightly from the workout, the sharpness of his jawline, the deep brown of his eyes that held a certain intensity. it was no wonder social media was obsessed with him; he was undeniably handsome, and his charisma only added to the allure.

jude watched her intently as she worked, noting every small detail—the way her brow furrowed in concentration, the slight purse of her lips as she focused on the task at hand. each movement she made was precise, her hands skilled and confident, yet there was a certain grace in the way she touched his sore muscles, almost like she was pouring care into every motion. it was hard not to be captivated by her; she seemed so immersed in what she was doing, completely in her element, and there was something about that quiet confidence that drew him in even more.

as her fingers pressed and kneaded the tension from his muscles, jude couldn't help but feel his body start to relax under her touch. it was as if every knot of stress was being expertly unraveled, leaving behind nothing but a soothing warmth. his muscles softened, giving in to the gentle pressure she applied, and he could feel the lines between professional care and something more personal start to blur.

on her end, y/n was trying to stay focused, reminding herself to keep it strictly professional, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. as her hands moved over the hard planes of his back and shoulders, she couldn't help but notice just how solid he was—all muscle, lean and strong beneath her fingers. she could feel an unexpected attraction building within her, a warmth spreading through her chest that she hadn’t felt in a long time.

the tension between them was palpable, an almost electric charge in the air that neither of them could ignore. jude felt it too, a stirring of something deeper that went beyond just the relief of having his muscles worked on. as her hands continued to glide over his skin, he had to stifle a groan, the sensation of her touch sending a wave of unexpected pleasure through him. it took everything in him to keep it together, not wanting to make the situation more complicated than it already felt.

“you’re pretty good at this, you know,” jude finally said, his voice low and smooth, trying to bring some levity to the situation while still testing the waters.

y/n glanced up at him, caught off guard by the softness in his tone. “thanks. i’ve had a lot of practice,” she replied, keeping her tone light despite the flutter in her chest.

he flashed a smile, leaning into her touch a little more. “ever thought about switching careers? maybe you could be a magician—making all my pain disappear like this.”

y/n felt her cheeks heat up at his playful remark, a shy smile tugging at her lips as she shook her head. “i think i’ll stick to what i know. besides, i’m not sure magic is really my thing.”

jude chuckled, the sound deep and rich, and for a moment, they just held each other's gaze, the air between them thick with unspoken thoughts. she quickly looked away, focusing back on her work, but the moment lingered, neither of them quite ready to break the connection that had formed between them.

y/n felt a flutter in her chest, but she quickly pushed it aside, reminding herself of the line she needed to maintain. “well, if you want to keep feeling this good, you’ll need to follow my advice,” she said, her tone returning to its usual professional demeanor. “stretching, rest, and hydration. don’t forget it.”

“anything for you,” jude quipped, though there was a sincerity in his tone that made y/n pause.

she shook her head, trying to suppress the smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “i’m serious, jude. if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll be back here before you know it.”

“i hear you, y/n,” jude said, his voice softer now, the playful edge giving way to something more genuine. “and for what it’s worth, i do appreciate you looking out for me.”

y/n nodded, her heart skipping a beat at the sincerity in his eyes. “it’s my job,” she replied, though the words felt a bit heavier than usual. “and besides, we can’t have one of our star players sidelined, can we?”

“no, we can’t,” jude agreed, his voice dropping to a near whisper as he looked at her. “but i think it’s more than just that.”

the air between them felt charged, a quiet intensity lingering as they held each other’s gaze. y/n could feel her resolve wavering slightly, the closeness of their positions making it harder to keep the professional distance she’d tried so hard to maintain.

as y/n finished working on jude’s leg, she hesitated for a moment, her usual professionalism wavering. she could sense there was something more on his mind, something that went beyond the aches and pains of training. after a brief pause, she decided to break the unspoken barrier she’d been carefully maintaining.

“hey, jude,” she began, her voice softer than before, “how are you feeling about the first game? it’s coming up pretty soon.”

jude looked at her, surprised by the shift in her tone. he hadn’t expected her to ask, but something in the way she did made him feel like he could open up. he let out a small sigh, leaning back on his hands as he considered his words.

“honestly?” jude started, his voice tinged with uncertainty. “i’m nervous. it’s a huge club, and there’s so much expectation. i’ve been dreaming about this for years, but now that it’s here, it’s kind of overwhelming. i just keep thinking—what if i don’t live up to it? what if the fans don’t love me the way they did back in dortmund?”

y/n paused in her work, her eyes meeting his with a gentle, understanding gaze. she could see the vulnerability in him, the weight of the pressure he was carrying. setting aside her role for a moment, she spoke from the heart.

“jude, it’s completely normal to feel that way,” y/n said, her voice warm and reassuring. “real madrid is one of the biggest clubs in the world, and with that comes a lot of pressure. but you were signed because they saw something special in you. the fans are going to see that too.”

jude listened intently, his eyes never leaving hers. there was something in the way she spoke—steady, confident, and genuine—that calmed the storm inside him.

“you’ve worked hard to get here,” y/n continued, “and that work isn’t going to go unnoticed. the fans, they’re passionate, yes, but they also appreciate hard work, dedication, and talent. you’ve got all of that. just be yourself out there, play the way you know how, and they’ll love you for it.”

jude let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, feeling a sense of relief wash over him. “thanks, y/n,” he said quietly, his voice sincere. “that actually helps a lot. i’ve been so caught up in my head, worrying about everything that could go wrong.”

y/n smiled, giving his shoulder a light squeeze. “it’s going to be okay, jude. you’ve got this. and remember, you’re not alone—you’ve got a whole team behind you, and now, you’ve got me looking out for you too.”

a small smile tugged at the corners of jude’s lips, and he felt a warmth spreading through him at her words. “i appreciate that, y/n. really. it means a lot.”

they shared a quiet moment, the air between them shifting from the playful banter they’d grown accustomed to, to something more meaningful. y/n could feel the connection deepening, a mutual understanding that went beyond their professional roles.

“just promise me one thing,” y/n said, her voice lightening as she stepped back, returning to her professional demeanor. “when you’re out there on the pitch, remember to enjoy it. this is what you’ve worked for. let yourself have fun.”

jude nodded, his smile widening. “i promise. and i’ll make sure to give you a good reason to keep me in top shape.”

y/n laughed softly, shaking her head. “i’ll hold you to that, bellingham. now, go get some rest. you’ve earned it.”

as jude left the room, he felt lighter, more at ease with the challenges ahead. y/n’s words echoed in his mind, a steady reminder that he was more than capable of handling.

as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows across the real madrid facility, y/n found herself alone in the corridors, the hum of the fluorescent lights the only sound breaking the quiet. she was one of the last to leave, her habit of staying late a comforting ritual, a way to unwind from the day's relentless pace and ensure everything was in order. tonight, however, her mind was preoccupied with a different kind of noise.

earlier, she’d run into laura, one of her old colleagues from the women’s team, who had dropped by to visit. laura’s eyes had lit up when she saw y/n, the excitement in her voice unmistakable.

“i can’t believe it, y/n!” laura had exclaimed, her enthusiasm palpable. “jude bellingham—he’s here! i’ve seen all the photos and videos, and he’s just as attractive in person. what’s he like? have you met him?”

y/n had nodded, a faint, polite smile on her lips. “yes, i’ve met him. he’s… charming.”

“charming?” laura had raised an eyebrow, clearly expecting more. “come on, give me the details. is he as good-looking up close? i bet the girls must be falling over themselves.”

y/n’s thoughts had drifted back to their brief interactions. jude was undeniably attractive—his striking features, the way his eyes held a mixture of intensity and vulnerability. she’d noticed it all, yet she had no intention of letting her guard down. her role was professional, and she had no room for distractions, especially not of this kind.

“he’s very focused,” y/n had replied, trying to keep her tone neutral. “and yes, he’s as handsome as you’d expect. but I’m his physio, so my focus is on his recovery and performance, not his looks.”

“oh, I get it,” laura had said, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. “but don’t you ever think about... well, what it’d be like if things were different? I mean, if you weren’t working with him?”

y/n had felt a twinge of discomfort at the question. she had not allowed herself to entertain such thoughts, not after everything she’d been through. she’d always been one of the last to leave the facility, a habit that allowed her to keep her distance from the personal drama that could easily complicate her life. her thoughts had drifted to her past with javier, her toxic ex who had belittled her in every way imaginable.

javier had been her childhood friend, someone she thought she knew inside out. but once they started dating, his true colors had shown. his comments had ranged from derogatory remarks about her looks to nasty jabs about her work and sexuality. the once familiar face had become a source of disdain, his words leaving scars that she was still working to heal.

the thought of entering another complicated relationship, especially with someone as high-profile as jude, made her anxious. her job was her sanctuary, a place where she felt in control, where she could escape the memories of javier’s cruelty. the idea of mixing personal feelings with her professional life was a risk she was not willing to take.

as y/n had watched laura walk away, her heart heavy with unspoken fears, she had felt a mix of longing and resolve. she admired jude’s charisma and attractiveness, but her past experiences had taught her the importance of keeping a clear boundary between her personal and professional lives. there was too much at stake, and she was determined not to repeat past mistakes.

the empty facility seemed to echo her thoughts as she continued her evening routine, methodically checking each detail. jude’s presence was a reminder of the world outside her carefully maintained boundaries, a world that, while tempting, was fraught with risks she wasn’t ready to face. she remained focused, her resolve strengthened by the quiet solitude of the facility, knowing that while she might appreciate jude’s attractiveness, she would not let it disrupt the professional distance she had fought so hard to maintain.

as the final whistle blew, the stadium erupted in a roar of jubilation. y/n stood on the sidelines, her heart racing as she watched jude bellingham weave through defenders with a fluidity and grace that made the game look effortless. the staff around her were just as engrossed, their eyes fixed on the field, their murmurs of approval punctuating the air.

y/n’s gaze was locked on jude, her admiration growing with each precise pass and each calculated move. she had seen him in training, had felt the intensity of his drive, but seeing him perform in a live match was something entirely different. the way he commanded the ball, the confidence in every stride—it was a testament to why he was considered one of the brightest talents in football.

and then, it happened. jude received a perfectly timed pass, his body shifting into position with the grace of a seasoned player. in a swift, decisive moment, he struck the ball with precision, sending it soaring into the back of the net. the stadium exploded into cheers, and y/n felt a surge of pride and excitement that she hadn’t anticipated. jude’s first game, and he’d already made such an impact.

as the players celebrated, y/n watched jude with a mixture of awe and joy. his face was alight with exhilaration, a broad grin spreading across his features as his teammates surrounded him. she could see the sheer relief in his eyes, a weight lifted off his shoulders as he soaked in the adulation from the fans.

when the final whistle blew and the players began their exit, y/n remained on the sidelines, a quiet smile on her face. she felt a deep sense of satisfaction, knowing she’d played a part in helping him reach this moment. as jude made his way toward the tunnel, still riding the high of victory, he glanced around, his gaze searching for someone.

to y/n’s surprise, jude’s eyes locked onto hers. with a burst of energy fueled by adrenaline, he jogged over, his smile widening. “y/n!” he called out, his voice filled with unrestrained joy.

y/n’s heart skipped a beat as jude approached, her mind racing. she had expected a handshake, maybe a polite acknowledgment, but this was different. as he reached her, he extended his hand for a handshake, but before she could react, he pulled her into a hug.

the contact was electric, a rush of warmth and energy that left y/n momentarily frozen. jude’s embrace was firm and enthusiastic, and she could feel the thudding of his heart, the exhilaration that pulsed through him. her arms remained stiff at her sides for a moment, her cheeks flushing with a mix of surprise and embarrassment. the scent of his cologne, the heat of his body—it was overwhelming. she could sense the bewildered looks from some of the staff nearby, their curiosity piqued by the unexpected display.

“jude,” she managed to say, her voice barely more than a whisper. “this is… unexpected.”

jude pulled back slightly, his hands still resting lightly on her shoulders. his eyes sparkled with mischief and a hint of flirtation. “i couldn’t help it,” he said, his voice low and smooth. “i wanted to thank you, and i’m just so... thrilled right now. i didn’t think i’d score on my first game. i was nervous, but you gave me the confidence i needed.”

y/n’s heart fluttered at his words. she was touched by his sincerity, though her professional demeanor was struggling to keep up with the personal breach. “i’m glad you felt that way,” she said, forcing a smile as she tried to regain her composure. “congratulations on the goal, jude. you played amazingly.”

“thanks, y/n,” he said, his voice dropping to a softer tone, his gaze lingering on her. “you know, I’m already looking forward to tomorrow’s session. can’t wait to see you again.”

y/n felt her cheeks heat up further at his words. she was already flustered from the hug, and his flirtatious remark only added to her embarrassment. she struggled to find her voice, her usual professional distance feeling even more crucial now. “i’ll be here,” she managed to say, her voice a touch shy. “see you then.”

jude chuckled, his eyes twinkling with playful intent. “i’ll make sure to keep my muscles in top shape just for you. and who knows, maybe I’ll bring some of that winning energy to our session.”

y/n felt her face warm at his flirtatious comment. she fumbled with her words, trying to maintain her professional composure. “um, that sounds... good. just, um, don’t overdo it out there.”

jude’s smile widened, his gaze lingering on her with a mix of admiration and affection. “promise I’ll do my best,” he said, his voice softening. “and I’ll make sure to give you a reason to keep me in top shape.”

as he turned to head toward the locker room, y/n watched him go, her thoughts a whirlwind of emotions. the brief embrace and his flirtatious remark had been a jolt, a reminder of how complicated emotions could become when you least expected it. she sighed softly, the reality of her role settling back into place as she prepared to head home.

when she left the facility, her thoughts were still with jude. she admired his talent and charisma, but she was acutely aware of the need to maintain her distance. the unexpected hug and his flirtatious comment had been a reminder of the fine line she was walking—between personal feelings and professional boundaries.

the lunchroom at the facility was bustling with activity as staff and players refueled after a demanding morning. y/n sat at a corner table, her usual spot, with a book in one hand and her lunch in the other. she preferred to keep to herself during these moments, finding solace in her own company amidst the chaos.

as she was about to take a bite of her sandwich, the familiar sound of footsteps drew closer. she looked up to see jude bellingham approaching, his smile as bright as ever. her heart skipped a beat, a mixture of surprise and apprehension swirling inside her. jude had already made quite an impression, and now, here he was, interrupting her solitary lunch.

“hey, y/n,” jude greeted, his voice warm and casual. “mind if i join you?”

y/n blinked, caught off guard by his sudden appearance. she glanced around the room, noting the curious glances from some of the staff members. she was about to protest, but jude was already pulling out a chair and sitting down across from her.

“uh, sure,” y/n replied, her voice barely above a whisper. “but, uh, why are you here? i mean, it’s lunchtime.”

jude chuckled, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief. “why not? i figured i’d keep you company. besides, i didn’t get a chance to really chat with you after the game.”

y/n felt a rush of warmth at his words, but she tried to maintain her composure. “you didn’t have to,” she said, her tone a mix of curiosity and caution. “i’m just doing my job, you know.”

“right,” jude said, leaning in slightly. “but i enjoy talking with you. and, well, it’s not every day i get to sit with someone who knows what’s really going on behind the scenes.”

y/n felt a knot of nervousness in her stomach. she had been trying to keep things professional, but jude’s relaxed demeanor and his easy smile were slowly eroding her defenses. “you’re not playing games with me, are you?” she asked, her voice trembling slightly. “what’s your intention here?”

jude’s expression softened, and he leaned back, a thoughtful look on his face. “games? no. i’m just trying to get to know you better. you’ve been really supportive, and i appreciate that. i guess i just want to be friends—or more if that’s where things lead.”

y/n was taken aback by his openness. her mind raced, struggling to process his words. she had always been careful with her emotions, especially after her past experiences. the idea of letting someone in, even in a friendly capacity, was daunting.

“friends,” she repeated, more to herself than to him. “but why me? you have plenty of people to talk to.”

jude’s smile remained steady, but there was a hint of sincerity in his eyes. “you seem different. you’re grounded and real. it’s refreshing. plus, i feel like i can be myself around you. i don’t get that feeling with everyone.”

y/n felt her cheeks flush, a mix of embarrassment and surprise. she was used to being the reserved one, keeping her emotions in check. but jude’s words were slowly breaking down her walls.

“so, uh, what do you want to talk about?” y/n asked, her voice a bit shy. “i mean, if we’re going to be friends.”

jude’s eyes lit up, and he leaned in slightly. “let’s start with something simple. tell me more about you. what’s your story? i’d love to hear about it.”

as they continued to talk, y/n found herself opening up more than she had intended. she spoke about her background, her move from spain, and her work at the facility. jude listened intently, asking questions and sharing stories of his own. with each passing minute, y/n felt a growing sense of comfort, though it was tinged with fear.

inside, y/n was wrestling with her emotions. she was scared of how easily she was letting her guard down, and how much she was enjoying jude’s company. the fear of becoming too attached, of losing control over her carefully maintained boundaries, was a constant undercurrent.

despite her internal struggle, she couldn’t deny that jude’s presence was comforting. he was genuine, and the way he looked at her with such attention made her feel valued in a way she hadn’t experienced in a long time.

as their conversation continued, y/n found herself smiling and laughing more freely. the lunchroom seemed to fade into the background, leaving just the two of them and their growing connection.the lunchroom was slowly emptying out, but jude and y/n wouldn’t part even as they said their good re still deep in conversation. jude leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he listened intently. y/n, though still somewhat guarded, found herself drawn to the ease of their dialogue.

“so, tell me,” jude said, his tone light and curious, “what got you into physiotherapy? it seems like such a demanding field.”

y/n took a sip of her water, considering her response. “it’s kind of a long story,” she began, her voice tentative but steady. “i’ve always been interested in how the body works, how it heals. it started with me playing sports in school and getting injured a lot. i wanted to understand how to recover faster and help others do the same.”

jude’s eyes lit up with interest. “that’s actually really cool. it’s amazing how personal experiences can shape our career paths. i had a similar thing with football. after a few serious injuries, i became fascinated with how the body responds to training and recovery.”

y/n raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “so, you’ve had your fair share of injuries too?”

jude nodded, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “yeah, a few. nothing too serious, but enough to make me appreciate the work that goes into staying fit and healthy. and, of course, having good physiotherapists like you.”

y/n blushed slightly at the compliment but tried to keep her demeanor professional. “well, it’s all part of the job. making sure players like you stay in top shape.

“and you’re doing a great job at it,” jude said earnestly. “i’ve noticed the difference already.”

y/n’s heart fluttered at his words, but she quickly pushed the feeling aside. “thanks. it’s good to hear that my work is making a difference.”

“absolutely,” jude agreed. “so, what do you do for fun when you’re not working? any hobbies or interests outside of physiotherapy?”

y/n hesitated for a moment, her mind racing. she wasn’t used to sharing much about herself, especially not with someone she didn’t know well. “i like reading,” she finally admitted. “and, um, cooking. it’s a nice break from the routine.”

“really? that’s awesome,” jude said, his enthusiasm genuine. “i’ve been trying to cook more. maybe you can give me some tips. i’m still learning.”

y/n laughed softly, feeling a bit more relaxed. “sure, i can do that. just don’t expect gourmet meals right away.”

“hey, i’ll take any advice i can get,” jude said, grinning. “what’s your favorite dish to cook?”

“hmm,” y/n pondered, a smile touching her lips. “i’d have to say paella. it’s a bit of a project, but it’s worth it.”

jude’s eyes widened in interest. “paella? that sounds amazing. i’ve heard it’s quite the experience to make.”

“yeah, it can be,” y/n said, feeling a bit more animated. “it’s all about getting the right balance of flavors. it’s a bit like... well, like a football team. everyone has to play their part.”

“nice analogy,” jude said, nodding in appreciation. “so, do you have any other hidden talents or interests i should know about?”

y/n chuckled, shaking her head. “i don’t think there’s anything particularly hidden. i’m pretty straightforward, i guess.”

“straightforward can be a good thing,” jude said with a wink. “i think it’s refreshing. but don’t be surprised if i keep asking you questions to learn more.”

y/n felt a flush rise to her cheeks again. “i suppose that’s fair. but don’t expect me to reveal everything at once.”

“deal,” jude said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “i’ll take it slow. so, tell me about something you’re passionate about, something that makes you excited.”

y/n looked down, her thoughts drifting. “i guess... i’m passionate about helping people. seeing someone come in with an injury and then watching them recover and get back to doing what they love—there’s something really rewarding about that.”

jude’s gaze softened, and he nodded thoughtfully. “that sounds incredible. it must be really fulfilling to see the progress firsthand.”

“it is,” y/n agreed, her voice growing warmer. “it’s what keeps me motivated, even on the tough days.”

jude’s eyes met hers, and there was a moment of quiet understanding between them. “you’re really dedicated to your work. i can tell it’s more than just a job for you.”

y/n smiled, though her heart was racing. “yeah, it is. and you’re pretty dedicated to football, from what i’ve seen.”

jude laughed, a genuine, easy sound. “i guess we both have our passions. it’s nice to find someone who understands that drive.”

y/n nodded, feeling a mix of warmth and apprehension. “it is. and i appreciate you being open with me. it’s not always easy to find common ground.”

“i’m glad we did,” jude said, his smile bright and sincere. “so, what’s one thing you’d like to do that you haven’t had the chance to yet?”

y/n thought for a moment, her eyes drifting to the window. “i’d love to travel more. there are so many places i’d like to see.”

“traveling is great,” jude agreed. “maybe one day you’ll get the chance. and hey, if you ever need a travel buddy, let me know.”

y/n’s heart skipped a beat at his casual invitation. she laughed softly, a bit shy. “we’ll see about that.”

jeventually, the lunch break drew to a close, and y/n realized she had been talking with jude for a lot longer than she had intended. she looked at him, her expression a mix of relief and apprehension.

“i should get going,” she said, her voice tinged with shyness. “but, um, it was nice talking with you, jude.”

jude’s smile was warm and encouraging. “same here, y/n. i’m looking forward to more of these chats. and who knows, maybe we’ll find some common interests.”

y/n nodded, a small smile playing at her lips. “yeah, maybe.”

as she gathered her things and prepared to leave, y/n’s mind was still buzzing from their conversation. she was more comfortable around jude than she had planned to be, and that scared her. but she couldn’t deny the small, hopeful part of her that was looking forward to their next interaction.

as jude walked away, y/n watched him, her mind buzzing with the unexpected connection they’d formed. she was starting to let her guard down, and it scared her. she didn’t want to complicate things, especially with her past and her professional boundaries. but a part of her couldn’t deny the small thrill of getting to know someone who seemed to understand her so well.

as the day went on, y/n found herself replaying their conversation, trying to make sense of her feelings. she was still unsure about what the future held, but for now, she couldn’t help but look forward to their next interaction, even as she tried to keep her emotions in check.

as the final echoes of the day’s activity faded, y/n found herself alone in the physio room, the quiet a stark contrast to the lively bustle of earlier. the fading daylight cast a soft glow through the windows, illuminating the room in a gentle amber hue. she methodically tidied up the space, her movements automatic as her mind replayed the day’s events. the room, now peaceful and still, was the perfect setting for her thoughts to unravel.

the memory of jude's playful banter, his genuine interest, and the unexpected hug replayed in her mind. she tried to focus on the task at hand, but her thoughts kept drifting back to their conversation. it was easy to get lost in the way he looked at her, the way he made her feel like her thoughts and feelings mattered.

with a sigh, y/n leaned against the counter, her thoughts swirling. she was acutely aware of the delicate balance she was trying to maintain. her past with javier had left scars that were not easily forgotten, and the professional boundaries she’d set for herself were there for a reason. yet, jude’s presence was a constant, tantalizing distraction, pulling her into uncharted territory.

she glanced at the clock on the wall, noting how late it had gotten. she was often one of the last to leave, finding solace in the quiet after the bustling activity of the day. it gave her time to think, to process, and to escape from the complexities of her interactions with others. tonight was no different, except that her thoughts were unusually tangled.

as she packed up the last of the supplies, her phone buzzed with a message from laura. y/n glanced at the screen and read the text, but her mind was still occupied with thoughts of jude. she wondered if he truly understood the potential impact of his actions on her. did he know how much she wanted to keep her distance, or was he simply oblivious to the emotional turmoil he was causing?

y/n shook her head, trying to clear the haze of confusion. she reminded herself of her priorities—her work, her self-preservation, and her commitment to keeping things professional. it was essential to remain focused, despite the fluttering feelings that jude’s attention had stirred up.

as she finally finished tidying the room, y/n took a deep breath and headed for the exit. the evening air was cool against her skin, a refreshing contrast to the heat of her internal conflict. she walked to her car with a sense of resolve, determined to sort through her feelings and not let them cloud her judgment.

she knew that the next time she saw jude, things might be different. their interactions had the potential to deepen, and she would need to be ready to navigate the complexities that came with it. but for now, as she drove away from the facility, she focused on the road ahead, both literally and figuratively.

her thoughts were a tangled web of excitement and apprehension, but as she glanced at the empty passenger seat, she reminded herself that she was in control of her own path. whatever happened next, she would face it with the same dedication and professionalism that had guided her this far.

next

© PDRIESTA 2024

taglist — @sinners-98-world @stephiii29 @kcharlyy @landosgirlxoxo @judesthighveins @ilovelifes-world @cinderellawithashoe @imnyt @miniemonie2001 @lunamelona @treble-snot

[npcemi]

Here's that little quick piece I promised in my last post. Here is the chronological start of my planned multiverse. Though it all really started when My KP fic and how a part of that started event in cigarettes and valentine's.(my life is strange and Dr who crossover) now it's all got away from me and I digress. big thanks to the danny phantom and DC fandoms for giving me a great anchor point. Anyway like I said when I get out of the hospital I'll work on getting everything else updated. Here's the fic:

The long road of how starting a fight with superman over clone parenting eventually lead to Danny Phantom become God:

Danielle “Dani with an I” Phantom, the clone of Amity Park’s local ghost vigilante Danny Phantom, decided to start a clone support group. Dani had experienced firsthand the struggles and challenges that came with being a clone, and she wanted to create a safe space where clones from various backgrounds could come together and share their experiences.

Word spread quickly, and soon, they gathered at one of Danny’s safe houses he loaned to Danielle. She also had help so each member only had to go to a specific room at a nearby community center. Her father’s ghost abilities and Mama Sam’s Magic would take care of the rest to turn the doors into temporary portals that would bring each member to the safe house. Among the members who arrived were Linda Danvers, a clone of Supergirl, Conner Kent, a clone of Superman, and Jarro, a Starro clone.

Danielle welcomed everyone with a warm smile. "Thank you all for being here today. I created this little group so we can share our stories, support each other and just be there for each other. Being a clone can be difficult. I know that as well as anyone. Let's start by introducing ourselves, I'll go first.”

“I’m Danielle Phantom but you can call me Dani, that’s Dani with an I, and I am a clone of Danny Phantom. I was created because some fruit loop wanted Danny as a son and when he couldn’t get that he made me and then tried to get me to kill my original and his parents. Obviously that didn’t work out and now Danny and I are on really good terms!”

Jarro floated gently in the air before psychically speaking "I'm Jarro, a clone of Starro. Being a clone means constantly battling stereotypes and misconceptions. People assume I'm evil because of my origin, but I strive to prove them wrong every day."

Linda Danvers raised her hand and spoke next. "I'm Linda, a clone of Supergirl. Being her clone makes me feel as if I’m constantly living in the shadow of my original. People expect me to live up to her legacy, but I'm still figuring out who I am as an individual." Linda received many nods as they could truly empathize with her on living in the shadow of their original.

Linda Danvers took a deep breath, her eyes softened to reflect her vulnerability. "Being a clone of Supergirl has been a constant struggle for me,"

She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "The truth is…I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I have my own dreams, desires, and flaws. It's hard to escape the comparisons and the feeling that I'm somehow a mere shadow of my original"

Linda glanced around the room, meeting the compassionate gazes of her fellow clones. "I often find myself wondering if I'm destined to live in her shadow forever. But being here with all of you, hearing your stories and struggles, gives me hope."

She continued, "I don't want to be defined solely by being a clone. I want to be Linda Danvers.."

Conner Kent could definitely understand how Linda felt. Conner’s stomach turned as Linda’s words hammered in the truth of his own relationship with the man of steel.

Danielle reached out, placing a reassuring hand on Linda's shoulder. "Linda, you're not alone. It can be a lot to remind ourselves and the world that our worth isn't determined by the circumstances of our creation. But that’s why we’re here, so we can support each other.”

“Thanks,” Linda smiled at Danielle’s reassurances.

Conner took a deep breath, his voice tinged with a mixture of sadness and anger. "I... I'm Conner Kent, a clone of Superman," he began, his gaze fixed on the ground. "But my relationship with Superman has been anything but what I expected. Instead of acceptance and guidance, I've faced rejection."

He looked up, meeting the eyes of his fellow clones. "Superman has never treated me as an equal. He sees me as a flawed imitation, a violation against his bodily autonomy. He constantly compares me to himself, highlighting how I will never be him. I’m not him, I’m me. My own person. I just wish he could understand that, it’s not like I asked to be created.” Conner’s voice rose with rage until he slumped back down, his voice damping in his own personal defeat.

A surge of anger coursed through the room. Danielle Phantom's expression hardened. "No one deserves to be treated that way," she said firmly.

"Conner, you are more than just a replica. You have your own strengths, your own worth. You don't need Superman's validation to prove that."

Linda Danvers spoke up "Conner, your value isn't determined by Superman's actions or opinions. Honestly it sounds like he is being a dick about the whole thing,"

Jarro joined in. "No one has the right to treat you as less than who you are. Conner, you should be treated with respect and dignity as any person would expect"

Conner’s eyes glistened with gratitude. "Thank you all. Your words and support mean more to me than you can imagine," he said, Danielle looked at Conner, "if you want me to do something about it, I can try to talk to my dad," she offered.

Conner looked at Danielle, confusion in his eyes. "You can do something? Like what?" he asked,

Danielle smiled mischievously, knowing exactly what she meant but choosing her words carefully. "Let's just say my dad has his ways of dealing with situations," she replied,

Linda, sensing the unspoken desire, arched an eyebrow and leaned closer. "Danielle, what are you thinking?" she whispered.

Danielle chuckled softly before responding, her voice barely above a whisper. "Let me talk to my dad, he might have a unique perspective on this situation."

Jarro floated closer, his curiosity piqued. "What are you saying…," he started, only to be interrupted by Danielle's raised hand “I have a feeling that my dad might be able to provide some guidance or at least offer a... different perspective."

“After all my dad, Danny Phantom has experience being the one cloned and he doesn’t like it when clones are treated badly, no not at all.” Dani shook her head silently laughing at what her father’s ‘talk’ with Superman would most likely entail.

As Danielle revealed her secret, a collective gasp filled the room, followed by a mix of surprise and awe on the faces of Linda, Conner, and Jarro. Linda was the first to find her voice. "Wait, you mean to say that Danny Phantom actually adopted you as his daughter?" Danielle nodded, a warm smile spreading across her face. "Yes, he did. After finding out about me, he took me in and treated me as his own. Danny has been an amazing dad to me. He provides love, and support, just like any other parent.”

Conner's eyes widened with astonishment. "That's incredible."

Danielle's smile turned somewhat sheepish. "It honestly is incredible. Sometimes, though, he can be a little overprotective.”

Jarro floated closer, intrigued by this newfound information. "A protective father, huh? I guess I know how that feels. My adoptive father is like that as well."

Conner gave a soft smile. "Your bond with your dad is inspiring. It gives me hope that not all clones have to face rejection and mistreatment.” The “like me” at the end of Conner's sentence, went unspoken.

“Exactly, and I’m sure my dad can talk some sense into Superman.” Dani grinned.

[ash-says]

Hello dear ladies. I am back in the town with my rants again cause where's a girl gonna go in this patriarchy world to shout her opinions. Plus can't run the risk of letting them in on the game. What's the fun in that??

Anyways, first of all Happy Women's Day!!!!

Happy Mahashivratri ✨✨✨

As today is an auspicious day both internationally and personally for me religiously maybe I will talk about some deep stuff.

Let's get into it. Shall we??

1) Get a belief system. I can't stress enough on this for the love of God. I was listening to a podcast this morning and the host made a really nice analogy that I would like to share with you all. He said that we all have an immense amount of love in us that we want to shower and that's one of the reasons why we so desperately look for partnerships especially romantic ones and we are highly affected by break-up. But when you submit all your love and pain to god the equation changes. Because it's difficult to have earthly expectations towards God and the shift starts there.

Story time ->

I personally found it way easier to love God. Once you start turning in to him you realize how selfless your love can be. But the main reason that struck me was when you love people you are restricted. Let's be honest today's dating scene is the worst you can't express how you feel and for a person like me who has intense emotions it's suffocating and that's where God comes in picture because I just submit my love, struggles and suffocation to him and he is there all the while with me silently witnessing the upheaval without any judgement. That allows me to tap deeper into my issues, understand the roots, look at them from both emotional and logical angles and then detach from it as the supreme being is now in control of the situation.

So on this occasion I beg you ladies to fix your relationship with God. You will thank me later for sure.

2) Be Loud. Be Bold. Be Audacious. Take up space. Unapologetically. Don't let other people feel comfortable in making you uncomfortable. Nope. We do it the other way around here. They should know better than making you uncomfortable.

If there's something I am really proud of myself for at least 90% times is that I never let anyone make me uncomfortable. I have time and again consciously worked on it to make it a second nature to me.

Nobody is born outspoken. It's the situation and the person's decision, self will that makes them like that. So when anyone tries to put me down subtly even if it isn't registered in my conscious brain my subconscious answers it befittingly without my notice. Then I realise what actually happened.

Strive to make offense your second nature. Defense is first mixed in with kindness. Practise it consciously until it becomes a muscle memory.

Ending note: Be insufferable in public and a soft girl in private. That's how you even it out. Wail like a child in front of God but move like a queen among humans.

[karniss-bg3]

Thank you so much for fulfilling my request! It was so well written, I've already reread it a few times today lol. I imagine a followup writing request to that (if you wanted to) could be a lovely comfort time of Tav patching up Kar'niss in the morning after they both get some well deserved rest. Thanks again!

[Part 2 of this post.]

[Music]

The melodic chirping of birds filtered into Tav’s ears, morning breaking over the encampment. They could feel the pulse of a headache coming on after an uneasy night of rest. The events of the prior evening were still fresh in their mind playing over and over on a loop. Their eyes opened, staring at the ceiling of their tent, pondering what steps to take next. The first priority was to make sure Kar’niss was still doing well and after that play it by ear.

They rose from their bed roll and exited the tent, stumbling into the sunlight which assaulted their eyes making them burn. Nearby their companions had gathered around the camp fire to sort out breakfast, preparing for the long road ahead. Kar’niss was not among them. Tav frowned and wandered over to the edge of camp, spotting the boulder they’d left Kar’niss sleeping on the night before. His perch had been abandoned, streaks of dried blood peppered over the uneven surface. The blanket and pillow had also been left behind in a haphazard pile suggesting Kar’niss had moved sometime recently.

“Did anyone see where Kar’niss went?” Tav asked.

“Yes,” Laezel replied. “The spider-kin stirred just before dawn and retreated into the forest. I did not give chase, he did not seem to require aid.”

Tav rubbed the back of their neck, a slow exhale soon following. “Thank you. Give me a few moments, I want to check on him.”

Tav went to work. First, they retrieved a bucket and filled it to the brim with water from the nearby river. Then they collected medical supplies, a cloth, and their flute, placing them in their pack. Once the satchel was hoisted over their shoulder they lifted the bucket by the rope handle and wandered into the treeline after the drider.

They wouldn’t need to search long especially with the light of day keeping the area moderately lit. They came across a massive nest of webbing spanning across several trees, an intricate weave of thick silk lines that made a wall of white just ahead of them. Nearby Tav could see a deer carcass, it’s body drained of it’s fluids to the point it’s flesh wrinkled and caved in on itself. At least he’d been fed, Tav thought. They placed the bucket down and peered up into the branches in search of their quarry, squinting when rays of sun pierced their retinas from time to time. That was when they spotted it. A round dome of webbing stretched over heavy branches formed a cocoon-like dome with a single entrance near the tree itself. While Tav couldn’t see Kar’niss directly they did spy the very tip of his legs poking out of the doorway, suggesting he had nestled himself tightly into the space in an effort to hide and protect himself.

What concerned them were the noises they heard, quiet but audible. A low, thrumming click generated by Kar’niss’ throat suggested he was in pain. It was akin to a steady purr but by no means positive in pitch.

“Kar’niss? It’s Tav. Are you alright?”

They could hear shuffling from above, the drider seemingly backing up more into their nest. “Go away,” he hissed in frustration.

Tav frowned at his dismissal, their arms moving to cross over their chest. They began to tap their foot as their lips pressed into a thin line. “I can’t help you if you’re up there and I am down here. Please?”

Kar’niss didn’t respond, retreating deeper into his webbing. Tav took in a steady breath while rubbing over one of their arms. They wandered over to the tree, reaching out to feather their fingertips over the web, admiring how sticky and soft the adhesive silk was. They turned around and leaned back against the exposed portion of the tree, their shoulders taking on a slump while their mind was hard at work on a solution. Several moments of silence passed, the quiet drifting breeze mingled with Kar’niss’ labored breathing the only sound to be heard. Tav closed their eyes and exhaled firmly.

“I know you’re afraid. If you want to know the twisted truth of it, we all are. Everyone here has something to lose, or something they are running from. They put on a brave face because they have to, it’s the only thing keeping them from falling apart. But most importantly, none of us would’ve been able to make this journey alone. We may not always agree or get along but we are all working toward the same goal; Freedom.” Tav rubbed at their weary eyes, their palms sliding across their face until their fingertips coiled against the tip of their chin. “I don’t know everything that has happened to you but the thing is I don’t need to. I can tell you’ve endured endless horrors, seen things you wish you hadn’t, suffered unspeakable torture. You don’t have to suffer your burdens alone, Kar’niss. Not anymore. If you’ll let me I can help you but I can’t do that if you hide from me. I gain nothing by hurting you.”

Tav could hear some light movement above them but they opted not to look up to avoid spooking the uneasy drider. “At least come down and let me clean the blood off, patch up the worst of the wounds. That way you can heal and regain your strength.” They’d pause, their gaze dropping to the matted grass beneath their feet. “If I wanted you dead I had the perfect opportunity to make that happen last night. You were vulnerable, unhinged, distracted. I didn’t hurt you though, did I?”

Kar’niss’ front legs jutted from the doorway of the cocoon, his head peeking out to peer down at Tav. “No,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

Tav turned around to peer up at him, finally able to see the one he’d grown familiar with along their journey. “Then I think you owe me at least this much. Come down.” They lifted an arm and extended their hand in Kar’niss’ direction.

He eyed the hand with an air of skepticism, mulling over all that had been said. Eventually he crawled his way out of the elevated burrow, climbing his way down the tree. Tav stepped back to make room, able to finally assess the damage up close. Kar’niss was battered and bruised, particularly his face. His rounded abdomen at the back had a crack in the chitin from where he forcefully backed into a tree. Dried blood was caked in his hair while red splotches were present over his face and chest. Tav looked over his body and scowled in concern.

“Lower your body down so I can reach, please.”

The drider hesitantly complied, their long legs curled into sharp points at the joints either side of him. Tav retrieved the cloth and dipped it into the water bucket, wringing it out before returning to him. “This may sting a little but it is only temporary.” Tav cupped Kar’niss’ chin with one hand while the other guided the moist cloth over his face to clean away the blood smears. He flinched in response actively leaning away out of instinct but Tav did not chide him for this. Instead they waited for him to calm so they could resume.

“We do not understand why you do this for us,” Kar’niss said. His eyes watched Tav’s face as if expecting deception in their reply.

Tav hummed in thought while cleaning off his face. “Because I want to. But if you require something with more depth, I do this because I’m betting no one else ever has. It’s really no bother to me if that is your worry. Everyone deserves positive attention, yourself included.”

He blinked, perplexed by the reply. He didn’t seem to understand the statement or at the very least had a hard time accepting it. “We find this behavior strange. But if it appeases you then do what you must.”

Tav chuckled and looked up at him. “It does appease me. Now hold still please.”

They finished cleaning off his face which revealed the half healed claw marks etched across his face. Tav retrieved a bottle of salve, uncorking the cap in order to apply the white paste over the scratch marks etched into his cheeks.

“How long did it take you to build all of this webbing?” Tav asked.

“A few hours,” Kar’niss murmured. He squirmed a little as the salve was applied but did his best to stay still. “It is fortunate there are many trees so close together. It makes weaving less complicated.”

Tav smiled. “It’s beautiful work, I must admit. Intimidating, but beautiful all the same.”

“Those caught in it would not agree,” Kar’niss said.

“I suppose not. I am glad I am not one of them.”

Once satisfied his facial wounds were treated, they moved around to inspect the crack in the chitin over the spider abdomen. They ran their fingers over the hardened surface, able to feel how rough and bumpy the texture was. In truth it was fascinating to them but they didn’t want to gawk.

“Leave it,” Kar’niss said. “It will close in its own time.”

They heard what he said but still found themselves gently petting over the curvature along the surface, feeling every imperfection along the way. They leaned over to peer curiously at his spinnerets which were barely visible beneath the stinger on his tail end.

“Amazing,” they whispered.

Kar’niss’ backside wiggled and his legs shuffled beneath him. “Stop staring.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be rude. I’m just a bit curious I suppose. I’ve never seen someone like you before.”

The drider grunted and crab walked to the side, his arms crossed over his chest. “We are an abomination. We are drider.” His tone was stiff and irritated, averting his eyes from Tav completely.

The adventurer chuckled and stepped in front of him, seeking to find his gaze and meet it. “You are a drider, but you are no abomination. If I’m lucky someday you might deign me with a tour of your branch burrow. It looks cozy.”

Kar’niss tipped his head to the side with a hint of confusion, his nostrils flaring in a sharp exhale. “Perhaps…”

“Mm I will need to clean out your hair but I will do so once the salve has set. For now I think you’re in better shape and that is a relief. Thank you for allowing me to help.” Tav paused as a thought dawned on them. “One more thing. If...you start to hear those voices again and they become too much, seek me out. Night or day it doesn’t matter. We might have a chance to cut them off at the pass before you seek to harm yourself. I’d rather try than just stand by and let it happen. Does that sound good?”

Kar’niss rubbed at one of his arms, his pedipalps pulled taut against his lower half. “Yes...we can agree to this.”

“Good, I’m grateful. Now get some rest. If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask.”

Tav picked up the bucket, the water within a murky color from the dried blood and dirt. At least Kar’niss looked far better than when Tav found them and his pained purring had ceased. They left the area to return Kar’niss’ solitude to him, leaving the drider alone to think. He scaled the tree and returned to his silken cocoon, crawling inside to get comfortable. He reached up and touched over the sticky salve on his face, noticing how it reduced the burn of the scratch marks and brought him some ease. He thought over everything Tav said and a lot of it stuck out. But when he thought about it deeper he realized they were right. No one had ever done this for him before. Not in the Underdark, not in Moonrise, no where. What did this mean?

It left him with a whole host of feelings he didn’t understand or know how to process. Did this mean he could trust Tav? Had he finally found a place where abuse and belittling wouldn’t strike from around every corner? Experience told him that it was all a ruse, a falsehood surely to be revealed in time. Yet for the first time he could recall a new voice was starting to form in his mind. Not one born of Lolth’s cruelty nor of the Absolute’s control. This was different, new, and it was saying something he didn’t expect.

Do something for Tav.

His eyes widened, startled. Repaying a kindness? It was a novel concept and one he didn’t consider before. Perhaps because kindness was a word foreign to him, much less being on the receiving end. It begged the question, what could he possibly do in return? He had nothing of value and most of his talents were based on combat. Most, but not all. He took in a sharp breath, a eureka moment hitting him, nodding to affirm his decision to himself. He would do it.

The day wore on and Tav had left with Astarion, Wyll and Shadowheart to scout ahead. They ran into a few battles along the way but managed to return to camp in the evening with little injuries to report. Gale went to work starting dinner while the others gathered around to compare the loot they’d obtained, the atmosphere generally upbeat which was a nice change of pace.

Tav wandered over to their tent to change out of their dirty clothes, looking forward to relaxing after an exhausting day. Yet when they slid inside they noticed something unusual resting on their pillow. Upon closer inspection it looked almost like a doll but woven in a strange way. They picked it up to get a better look, noticing the material used was sticky to the touch. Was this...webbing? The item had two outstretched arms and two legs, similar to a gingerbread man in shape. Sticks were used as a skeleton underneath the weave so it maintained its shape, the web tightly wound around and around until it formed a solid base. Leaves and grass were glued on to represent clothes with two tiny pebbles squished into the head to form eyes. It was then that Tav realized this was meant to represent themselves. Not a perfect likeness but damn close for the limited resources the maker had to work with. Tav’s lower lip quivered once the realization hit, their heart squeezing within their chest. They sat cross-legged on their bed roll and smiled, bringing the make-shift doll to their chest so they could hug it close. It was the greatest gift they could’ve ever received, especially knowing where it came from. They didn’t move from that spot, hoarding the gift as if it were the most grand treasure known to man.

“Thank you, my dear Kar’niss.”

[mysticsparklewings]

Obscutober 2024 Day 8: Inflorescence 💐

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Inflorescence (n.)

the flowering part of a plant or arrangement of flowers on a stalk; the time and process of budding and unfolding flowers.

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So begins Week 2 of Inktober! 🖋️

I am pretty pleased with today’s art, but my posting time probably says it all: Not everything was coming up roses in the making-of process. 😅

Click the "Keep Reading" and we'll talk about it! ✨

⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️

---------- Whew boy Sparklers; If I seem a little "off" or this description comes out a bit short, that's because (to the surprise of absolutely no one) I got a bit of a later start on this mandala than I'd hoped and it also ended up taking longer than I wanted. 😅 Thus I am now very acutely aware that I have much less time to get this description type and everything cross-posted than I'm really comfortable with.

Granted, this isn't the Cinderella-esque race against Midnight that I've very "used to" from Inktobers' past, but in some small ways that almost makes it worse because I know I've technically been doing much better than usual this year and the further I push that "better" envelope, the more anxious I become. 🫠

So let me stop wasting time rambling about that and get to talking about the art!

I think the main reason this one ended up taking so long is because I hyped it up too much—The idea of getting to draw a mandala made of flowers àla Adult Coloring Book-Style was so enticing that I did that thing us artists tend to do sometimes; I got in my head about it being "good enough" and "right" and all that, as if this is somehow the only opportunity I'll ever have to make a flower mandala so it "needed" to be perfect. 🙄

And, in a strange kind of other sense I think I had a little too much confidence going in because I recently spent quite a bit of time drawing intricate flowers in a similar style for a project you Sparklers haven't seen yet but my Ko-fi Members have. [And hopefully you Sparklers will get to see it soon, too, I've just been too busy to squeeze it in yet!] Mostly, I underestimated my own standards for what translating those flower drawing skills into this mandala format would be like. 😅

I also kind of hurt myself in that I decided I really wanted to get roses in here somewhere on top of trying to make sure I got at least one flower that had more obvious stages of blooming (per today's deifnition), rather than all of them being full-bloom. Naturally, I picked the most difficult option of having the roses be said multi-stage flower. 🙃 I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you Sparklers that have attempted to draw them before that roses are among some of the trickier flowers to draw, particularly in a more doodle-y style like this. I have semi-successfully handled roses before, but I think it's been literal years since the last time I drew any. 🫣 [Maybe not, but I don't feel like I have the time to dig through my posts and check to be sure right now!]

You can see that I did manage some results I'm decently happy with in the end, of course, but I probably spent about half of the total time I worked on this mandala on the roses specifically. 😵‍💫

And then of what was left, probably about half of that was spent on the "final" swirling vines that have different little pink flowers on them. Which is to say I think that was the second most challenge part to draw, even though it's one of the more simple elements present.

I could have stopped before adding those final swirls and it probably would've been fine, but the outer corners just felt so empty compared to all the flower and leaf stuff going on elsewhere, particularly the center-most ring. (That's what I get for adding lines to look more like a vague suggestion of roots below the big leaves!) I wanted to fill just a little more space badly.

If I hadn't felt timing ticking down so strongly, I would've definitely bothered to figure out something a little more involved for those swirls, but it just wasn't meant to be today. I couldn't stop thinking about the time and it seemed like every other false start I has either wasn't right or tested my patience too much.

I very nearly put some more sunflower-esque flowers in the corners instead, but I didn't like the idea of looking myself into a more specific color palette in that way and I didn't like the idea of not being able to either "attach" them to the rest of the mandala or the fact that I couldn't think of a way to make them more vine-like on their own. Therefore, the sunflowers sat this one out. [And besides, they already had a small cameo last week!]

The leaves, fortunately, didn't give me much trouble. Those largest leaves that I put down first where probably the most difficult, but only because they were made using a criss-cross line method I observed in some mandala techniques on Pinterest, rather than other more typical ways I go about drawing leaves. They really weren't too bad, though. And I think they were the right choice because they kind of set up a shape foundation that directed a lot of the rest of the mandala.

Likewise, this may have been the easiest color scheme to decide apart from Day 1 because of the leaves. I set up with that green foundation, pushed it to be a little more teal/aqua, and then went with most pink flowers since that's complimentary, but then a soft blue for the...They're sort of lilies-of-the-valley but maybe not exactly. I think the blue I picked is a touch too dark for that, but since I was very sold on this off-white/cream background, I went with the deeper blue so the color would be more obvious.

I will admit I originally wanted to avoid pink or red roses, but I made the outermost flowers pink first, dared to touch the roses with a bit of a darker pink, and promptly threw that plan out the window. I did try to mix a little purple int here so they weren't a super-traditional rose pink, but I think I overblended it so that effect was mostly lost. 😅 But I did stand firmly behind no-red roses, though. Against many fibers in my Alice-in-Wonderland-loving being, but it felt too stereotypical and like a bad fit for the more aqua-green leaves, which I really didn't want to change at that point.

Yesterday and Day 2 are still gunning for my favorite, but this one isn't super far behind despite the choices I maybe would've handled a bit differently if I'd felt like I could afford more time to puzzle over them. If anything, I think this will be my favorite as a coloring page, if I do end up making coloring pages out of these. [Which yes, is an idea I've been toying with—I think I mentioned it on Day 1? Maybe?]

You Sparklers will have to tell me if that sounds like something worth bothering with. 😉

Let's see...I think that's everything I wanted to mention for today, so I should probably be getting on with that cross-posting now; I'll see you Sparklers tomorrow, hopefully at least a little earlier in the evening... 😅 🤞

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Obscutober Concept Inspired by nikolas_tower

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[happy-mokka]

I've watched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 for the first time today. Lot's of people didn't like it, but that was the case with most of what Marvel produced after Endgame. I guess, when the bar's set this high, it is impossible to live up to it with anything. I wished, people were able to step away a little from that pedestal and be able to enjoy the stories nevertheless. They're still good. When was anything ever perfect anyway? That was why I always was a huge fan of the Guardians. They're a bunch of imperfect misfits and a prototype of "found family". They stick together despite all their differences and flaws and even their past struggles...which every single one of them had plenty, to say the least.

Peter "Star Lord" Quill was taken as an 8 yo after having lost his mother and raised in outer-space by a bunch of grumpy (but in the end in their own way loving) space pirates. Shout-out to Yondu...

Rocket former Racoon ("I am no Racoon!!!") turned lab-rat now hyperintelligent space pirate all grumpy and mean but in his core just wanting to have a family and friends, he never had a chance to have in his former life...

Gamora and Nebula, raised and on Nebula's part tortured as a killer duo by a murdering lunatic space-god responsible for temporarily extinguishing half the universe.

Drax once loving father watching his family being murdered by another lunatic space-god and then dedicating what was left of him solely to revenge.

Groot being this highly eloquent cute ("I am Groot.") planty buddy, who has his roots, branches and twigs tightly wrapped around his chosen family and is never hesitating to die for them (repeatedly), just to re-bloom again as anoying todler later teenager but in the end again always ending up as the same beautiful being.

Kraglin as Yondu's goodhearted heir and childhood friend of Peter, just always trying to live up to his foster-dad and finding his own place among the group.

Mantis, this hyper-empathic mind-reading (and writing) being, always there when emotions come to play but far more than just the hugging side-kick.

Cosmo, this lovely Russian space-dog ("I am not a bad dog! Take that back!!!"), who at the end saves the day and just loves to cuddle.

The following conversation (after half of Vol.3) is a beautiful example of the character dynamics I love so much between all of them. But Mantis is for me the cherry on top. Her empathy resonates so deeply with me. At the same time she's so much more...fearless, fierce and an absolute freaking funny asshat.

Nebula: "Rocket and Gamora are probably dead because of you!" Drax: "I didn't know." Nebula: "Oh, you didn't know? When are you gonna stop using the excuse of being some big dumb clown for contributing nothing, and the rest of us having to carry your slack!" Mantis: "Don't push him! You don't have the right to push him." Nebula: "And you, you're no better. The only thing we can count on you for, is when someone shows weakness, you'll be right there to support it." Mantis: "Fine, I don't care. I know you need to find fault in everyone else to make yourself feel okay. So find it in me." Nebula: "Oh, go to hell, Mant!" Mantis: "But you don't have the right to push him! It's not his fault he's stupid." Nebula: "He's a liability." Mantis: "He makes us laugh and he loves us. How is that a liability? All you care about is intelligence and competence." Drax: "Not sure I appreciate this defense." Mantis: "He has sadness... But he's the only one of you who doesn't hate himself. I don't care if he's stupid." Drax: "Do you think I'm stupid?" Mantis: "Yes...Forget."

Nebula, Mantis, Drax Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 ©️ 2023 Marvel Studios

The red parts caught me off guard and blew me away. Midst action and explosions and stuff, I just teared up.

I love how Mantis was introduced and is evolving from Vol.2 over the Xmas special to Vol. 3.

Found this article here, that speaks right out my soul...

The end of the movie was sappy, yes, but I just loved it. Sorry, not sorry. As much as I am a romantic, and part of me has wished for Gamora and Peter to come back together, I am happy that they ended it the way they did between them. There was no going back. He has unfinished business in finding out what he has left back on earth with his human family, and she has actually found another part family with the Ravagers. Gamora: "I bet we were fun." Peter: "Like you wouln't believe."

Mantis will be trying to find out, who she really wants to be and having 3 huge tentacled monster pets by her side.

Nebula finally finds some peace and settles down in Knowhere at the side of Kraglin and Cosmo.

Rocket continues guarding the Galaxy and training the next generation of Guardians, finally being officially "Captain" and having worked up his horrible past, also coming to terms with actually being a Racoon.

But what pleased me most and gave me some of the best sighs and tears in the end was Drax' finale. Being able to be a father again. The moment when it turned out how good he was with the kids was just melting me... To quote Nebula: "Today, I Saw Who You Are. You Weren’t Born to be a Destroyer. You Were Born to be a Dad." *sigh*

When they basically ended the movie with everyone dancing and singing to Florence & the Machine's "The Dog Days are over", that was the perfect conclusion and also a perfect fit, given how an important role the music had always played in all of their movies...

So, why not also end this rambling exactly the same way?

[mamaito]

[Housamo] Shennong Date Quest

Something bursts out of the sky that's rifting itself between the clouds, the sign of war is about to come. Shennong was all alone, scattering lives as he advances towards the other living beings in that field with no end in sight.

There was no one out there who knew how to cure illnesses, so he tested every unknown medicine that he could get his hands on for their sake. Someone would be starving out there, so he filled himself up with every poison out there for their sake.

Nevertheless, if a companion is out there, regardless of his relation to them was seeking aid, he would frantically run towards their whereabouts to lend a hand.

-- Plague, famine, war. He'd often ask for their forgiveness each time when he wasn't able to reach them and lend a hand before time.

[Shennong] "…"

Each new poison that's introduced to his system burned his internal organs. Neither were sweet nor sour to him, all he knew was that just living was but a bitter taste.

[Shennong] "…"

… It was only natural. For this was the only taste that he was made to experience.

His heart was filled to the brim by it. Till the eventual encounter of someone from Tokyo--

-- At that moment, he recalled a face and the one who appeared was Ito.

[Shennong] "-- Gkhh.. Aah, I was dreaming."

It was morning in the Kamiyado Academies staff dormitory of where Shennong was living in, he was awoken by the old days forming in his dreams.

As to not to disturb and harm his room mates, he wiped the sweat off of him that was carrying poison and slowly stirred up to make way to the bathroom.

He felt that he needed to wash away the residue of that dream left in him, and so Shennong grabbed the shower head and directly pointed it onto his body. He wanted to get back that vigor to give him strength.

[Shennong] "I can't believe this, what was up with that dream I had… I'm like a kid who just had puberty talking here." ".. Well, I suppose this is good enough. Well then--" "The weather is pretty good, I have enough time, not a mistake was made during my preparations." "Hahah, I did make one though, I was in such a hurry that I didn't know what to do when I was shaving. -- I may be a doctor that can cure anything, but this time?"

-- It has been some time since you've been summoned to Tokyo, you've encountered many others in this path.

However, there is one special person among many others, Shennong became a special existence in your life…

Throughout the many battles you two have faced together and overcome, there were times when tears were shed and laughter was shared amongst one another-- The distance between the two of you slowly shortened the more they get to know one another more.

They've called each other's name affectionately and it is not long before they've invited one another to be fully connected, this might yet be the last time to finally break into getting into the other's space and get a grip with their feelings at last.

And so for today-- Shennong has decided to invite the other to come out and play.

A message notice reached Ito and went to reach for her phone.

[[Take it easy. Don't injure yourself over arriving early now, alright?]] the message said.

Before long, the usual smile erupted on your face as the figure of Shennong starts to appear.

[Shennong] "I'm here, Ito! I just wanted to verify my surroundings for a bit when I was walking around.. No, I did not ask around!" "Enough about that, let me get a look at you, show me where you got injured. I'll make sure to get a special ointment so it can go away reaal quick, okay?" "Ah, my bad, my bad. Today's just the two of us, I'm not a teacher nor doctor anymore, I am on my day off, I should act as the good ol' me like I promised." [(Say he's worried too much.)] [(Say He's always like that.)] [(Say that he arrived too early.)] [Shennong] "Ah, I shouldn't be too worrisome. Is that--" "I've already decided I'd be with you no matter what.. Just like that, it is very important for me to worry constantly." "Hm, as much as I'd like to stand around and talk, how about we go on ahead, Ito?"

Shennong is dressed differently today, it was natural for you to extend your hand out and say something.

[(Say those clothes look good on him.)] [(Say you're glad to see him in his everyday clothes.)] [(Say you'll be delighted to escort him.)] [Shennong] "Hahahah! You're acting like this is some sort of important duty that needs to be fulfilled or something! If you're going to be like that then I might get motivated to do so, you know?"

Shennong took Ito's hand, pulling her close to his body as they calmly walked ahead.

[Shennong] "I'll let you escort me closely. Of course, till it's end point.. Right?" "Right, Let's get a move on. Let's go, Ito!"

The two of you arrived at the Botanical Garden. From medical herbs to poisonous plants were Shennong's favorites, his eyes twinkling even brighter the more you two press on.

[Shennong] "Ooh-- Ain't this a bountiful harvest! Aah, I don't want to lose you here so grab onto my hand, alright?"

Ito is led by the hand but was then emptied no sooner when Shennong went to take a peek at the map and spread it out.

[Shennong] "Let's see now, they have a special exhibition on display today with pigeons in it… Hmm, ohoh. I'm weighing everything in my mind right now, what about you?" "From A to Z, we can go and see anything… Just say what place you want to see first. In the end we just have half a day, we can only see a few sights before it's over." "Oh dear, we're on a date today, sorry about that. I also want Ito to have fun." "So, which one do you want to see, Ito? There's this place that's becoming popular lately." "No matter the area, I'll be sure to lead you around so relax, alright? Leave it to me, Ito!" [(Say you'll go anywhere with Shennong.)] [(Say there's something you want to remember before there's not enough time left.)] [(Say this is an unexpected turn.)] [Shennong] "Of course, I recommend everything in there but since you've given me the approval… To the herb garden it is!" "I do believe I did a collaboration with some director in this area. I was told to explain and supervise the area, provided with seeds, soil and whatnot." "I have yet to see the final results of it though. It's been weighing on my mind now, how about we go and check on it?"

[Shennong] "That guy--!! No, he should've been frank with me!!"

In this gigantic greenhouse, it's been filled to the brim with various vegetation for some time now and Shennong lets out a loud voice that's rather rare to come out of him.

[Shennong] "Look here, Ito! That one managed to cultivate a difficult harmony right there, over here should have some high quality results--" "And over there-- I have never seen this kind of species before in the books I've read, it's so rare!!" "Aah, that one's the best, I should get a taste right now..!"

His voice was springing into joy, Shennong was acting strange over some plants with an elated look on his face, he goes on and on explaining every single thing.

[Shennong] ".. Phew, sorry about that! I did promise you but I got myself so absorbed by everything." [(Say it is in everyone's nature to investigate everything.)] [(Say that you like seeing Shennong be so passionate when he talks about it.)] [(Say you want him to look at you the same way.)] [Shennong] "Is that so? I didn't know I would do that…" "Ito approving this kind of bad behavior of mine without even telling me.."

Shennong stacked his hand on top of hers and entwined their fingers with one another.

Time in this country passes by in utmost ease, their bodies huddled close together as they continue to walk around.

[Shennong] "Seems though we've let time pass too much. How about it, wanna have fun some more?" [(Nod)] [(Thank Shennong.)] [Shennong] "I see, I see! Hahahah! It'll be worthwhile to bring you along some more!" "Hey, Ito. Do you still have time after this? If it's fine by you, I can get us some fried rice but that is but one that I've been considering though.." [(Respond back by saying you want to come with him definetely.)] [(Reluctantly nod.)] [Shennong] "Really! Let's not dilly daddle any longer and let's head out, hope you're patient enough!"

The two got themselves a taxi and boarded on, with Shennong telling you beforehand that you both will be going to Shinjuku.

The taxi wasn't too far from the Kamiyado academy, but the crowd that he shared residence with stopped their movements along with their alcohol intake upon seeing them.

Shennong led Ito by the hand even then as the sky grows to a shade of orange, eventually heading to a store's interior.

[Shennong] "The ambience here ain't bad, right? I coincidentally found this after work and now I come here often, but lately it's been a blast."

Soon after, plates would be taken away as the two of you chat carefree together.

With a sigh of relief, Ito would look at Shennong's hand during dinner, only then to see your partner looking back at you.

[Shennong] "Ah, damn it, sorry about that! I've been looking at you rudely, sorry." "It isn't that the poison's been leaking out whenever I'm doing menial things… You see, the shopkeepers been glaring at me for a while now." "Ahem! Anyway, their cooking here ain't that bad, isn't that right? Right?" "Even I, every once in a while want to talk to someone about things. Ingredients to provisions, how the spice mixing is going, etc." "-- Hm? Is it surprising for me to be so knowledgeable about the ingredients of what'll be for dinner?" "Hahahah! Well, of course, it's normal for a doctor like me to be acting like a gentle brother figure." "Sir Shennong's food recommendations still has a long way to go though. My way of doing it is through eating and eating!"

Shennong laughs and just right before your eyes was your dinner being put down to the table.

Gulping it down as you two continue to talk, exchanging food with one another and so on. Sometimes his hand would then stop mid way.

[(Stare back at him curiously.)] [(There's something you want to say but can't.)] [(He doesn't seem to notice so you continue eating.)]

[Shennong] "… Ito. I'm not hiding what you think I've been hiding."

"I've been comparing everything from the past and the things I preferred it be. But even now, sometimes I'd stop my hand from reaching things that I want."

"-- You see, Ito, I.. I am at a peace."

"I was the type of guy who would strictly resist from eating something like fried rice because I remember thinking to myself it'd be bitter…"

"Whenever one of the men would collapse in front of me, I remember just taking some painkillers was enough to bring some peace of mind because I would look like I stepped into hell…"

"You look so happy eating that fried rice. Whenever I look at you, I grow to love it… Lame, isn't it?"

[(Shake your head.)] [(Say it isn't.)] [(Ensure that he's free to do whatever he likes.)] [Shennong] "Is that so.. If Ito says it's okay then I'm glad we had this heart to heart talk." "Hey, Ito. After this, do you still have some time?"

[(Give a wide smile and nod.)] [(Reluctantly nod.)] [Shennong] "… Right, thank you, Ito." "C'mon, you still haven't had enough to eat, especially some dessert, right? Well, how about an all you can eat 3 star stuff?"

The previous air between the two of you that you haven't felt for a while now was nonexistent and Shennong continues to smile even after that dinner.

And just like that the day was eventually coming to a close along with the soon parting back to go home, now--

With their dinner concluded, the two were unexpectedly approached by an incoming rain.

[Shennong] "Woah, hey! Come over here for a sec… Hah, the weather forecast even said today was going to be a clear one." "Ito, there's.. Something I wanna say. Would you give me a bit more of your time here?" "I've been pacing around the park on the things I wanna talk to you about some time ago, but I've remembered it now." "… Well, I did thought of giving up on the prospect. Sorry, Ito." "How about accompanying this moron from now on? What, I guarantee that you'll get the best health care out there!"

In the midst of this conversation, Shennong took off his jacket and gave it to Ito so that she'd be covered and as a move to prolong this even more.

As you were led yet again by the hand, you come face to face with the Kamiyado academy's infirmary.

[Shennong] "Glad that there's some change of clothes in here. The strong rain won't get us here at least.." "You can go dry your wet clothes here for now. Sorry about this, would you mind being a bit patient?"

The rain begins to get stronger, beating against the windows of the infirmary while the two of you sit on the bed.

On their side was a blanket that Shennong and Ito covered themselves with for some warmth.

[Shennong] "Oh, Why don't you drink some of Mr. Shennong's special tea herb to warm yourself up?"

He hands out the steaming cup towards you and he directed himself to sit on the chair instead.

[Shennong] "….. Good?" "Nah, taste's horrible, huh? … Hahah. There's still some take out left if you want." "Back then… There was this person who I would always try to be patient with no matter how selfish it'd be… being forced to drink this disgusting medicine." "… I figured that I should shove it anyway down her mouth each time no matter how bad it tasted." "… My home world has always, always been engulfed by war and drought." "If I can save at least one person, this life that I've had would've been worth it." "Hence why I'd always come out and risk it when saving someone. These arms of mine has done nothing but take the easy way out."

The sky lashes out with a bright lightning strike as though similar to living through hell. You could tell that there were many lives taken.

He told of how the sky ripped itself apart and then was mended back thanks to someone's aid, that one person who landed onto their earth.

[Shennong] "However, this person did not care how many people survived… I couldn't tell you if there was something else more important to her." "It didn't matter to her if lives were saved, she couldn't be bothered to be happy about it. I'll never know if she really was that arrogant…" "Ah, this is bad. I'm smiling despite how awful the story was… Hahah." "Hah- Sorry. I went off on a tangent there." "… It's getting cold. Want me to heat you up?" [(Nod and say that you're alright.)] [(Say that you're cold and that you want to warm up.)] [Shennong] "I'm glad that you're alright but it's also fine to say that you're cold, you know. Just call my name out whenever, alright?"

Shennong grins and scoots his chair a bit closer that he's sitting right in front of you.

[Shennong] "… You know, you seem a bit different lately. I've been wondering something along the lines: [I wonder what you taste like]." "I've been wanting to take a bite out this person, wondering what sort of face they'll make, and that smile along with it. I've also thought at just how attractive you are…" "I'm glad you came here, Ito. I've actually been stringing you along to this place actually." "I did wondered if there was someone special in your heart, too. This insides of mine… It's been in flames since."

[Shennong] "Whenever I look at you, I strangely heat up… Could it be possible that I've been tempted by you?" "-- If it's true then I'd like to have you as my medicine to take…"

-- Or rather there is poison stirring elsewhere. Ah, but you piped down before you could even utter it out.

He is the poison for your mouth to taste also… Your throat swallows thickly, you won't be able to stop this.

[Shennong] "Hey, Ito… What do you think? Even if it's poisonous… Would you still want to try it?" [(Accept his confession.)] [(You couldn't say anything other than a nod.)] [(You held him tightly.)] [Shennong] "… Is that right, Ito. Is it really alright, alright for me to do it?" "… Pfft. Hahahah!"

Shennong breaks through the tension with an expression, and as always he manages to make an easygoing smile.

[Shennong] "Sorry, sorry. I couldn't stop myself from laughing." "Well, Ito. You've given me your sweet consent." "Sorry, but I am already resolved into doing you… From now on, you'll be getting doused by poison."

As always, Shennong does what he usually do by letting himself wander, for what poison that this grown man has is only replied back with a smile.

[Shennong] "Alright, you problem child. You may be my special one but…" "I am still the Kamiyado Academy's doctor, nothing between us will change but you can call me anytime." "… Dont be hurting yourself too much… I want you to still be alive and kicking." "I'll be giving you my special care after this… Don't go passing out, alright?" "We're now in a student-teacher relationship. I once again ask that you take care of me from now on, okay?" [(Say you feel the same way.)] [(Say you're falling in love even more.)] [Shennong] "Hahahah! Cut it out you!" "If you keep falling in love even more, this inside of mine is going to go cold… I wonder if you understood that bit?" "… To be honest with you, I won't change a bit and I am still frightened.." "Someday, I still don't know if something similar from my former days will ever happen."* *(Oh boy… I have some sad news for you, Shennong…)

"Just the thought of losing you, thinking that this body of yours would ever cease to tremble from the pain… Is hard to accept and part with." "This person's poison… Is different. You are my only, sweet poison--"

Unbeknownst to the rain, the two were looking at the starry skies, inside where only the two of them were gently shimmering.

Shennong and Ito were silent, as their mouths linked with one another, their skin close, and the sweet tasting heat were exchanged.

[END]

[chickensoup-4-mysoul]

herculean (drrr x f!reader) - chapter 21

Chapter 21 - Wolf in No Clothing

synopsis: a pleasant day out quickly takes a turn for the chaotic once shizuo and izaya cross paths.

word count: 2,265

warnings: canon-typical violence

"weep for yourself, my man, you'll never be what is in your heart weep little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start,, little lion man - mumford & sons

Setton: Feels like it’s been forever since I’ve had a day off Setton: Anyone have plans, today? Sora: Just getting lunch with a friend! Taro Tanaka: I’m going to see a movie. Saika: Really? So am I. Byakura: Sounds like you guys are hooking up! Sora: Perhaps….an unprecedented reunion? O_O

Kanra has entered the chat.

Kanra: Hello, everyone! Your dear friend is here! Taro Tanaka: Hello there! Saika: Hi Setton: Hey! Sora: ‘ Sup! Byakura: Die Kanra: Byakura’s as hard-hearted as ever! Kanra: Anyways, have you guys heard? Sora: What a surprise. Kanra: Yuuhei Hanejima got a death threat! Taro Tanaka: The actor? Kanra: Yup! The internet’s going crazy over it! Sora: Must be another prank, right? Setton: Anyways, since tomorrow’s a day off, let’s have fun!

...

Next time you saw Mairu and Kururi, you’d have to personally apologize.

“Your brother is freaking Yuuhei Hanejima!!?? ”

“His name’s Kasuka, but yeah.”

With all of the chaos, it had been a while since you and Shizuo could hang out. When you invited him out, he had agreed—as long as you didn’t mind him stopping to see his brother. Of course, you had no issue. In fact, a part of you was curious to meet the guy. Shizuo obviously thought highly of him, and it had you thinking. What was he like? Did they act similarly? Did they look similar?

Imagine your surprise when he stops you both after getting burgers and goes “there he is”—and points at Yuuhei Hanejima.

Shizuo's brother was a famous actor? How does that even happen--and how hasn't he mentioned it. Thinking back to their physical similarities, you have half a mind to pinch yourself. Yeah, they looked similar, but the idea just seemed too ridiculous.

Said man was at the center of a crowd, making a spectacle for the camera as he interviewed random onlookers. Even from a distance, you could make out his sweeping movements and energy. He certainly had a presence for the camera. His behavior was definitely contrasting to Shizuo's. The two of you simply stood in the distance, watching. Is this what he meant by seeing? Looking back at Shizuo, you note the pure admiration adorning his features. 

"You're really proud of him, aren't you?" You elbow him with a grin, chuckling at how the admiration is replaced by brief confusion.

"Well, yeah." He answers like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

He seemed so sweet like this. Just another thing that solidified how human he was to you. It was obvious how much he cared for his brother. It brought warmth to your heart and pride to witness such a moment. There’s some space in the crowd and you get a better view of Yuuhei--Kasuka in action. He was interviewing another couple. It was hard to make out from the distance, but they seemed young. If you squinted you could make out glasses and a color block jacket….

Wait.

Just as you comprehend the familiar faces, unrest washes over the crowd. The air was suddenly filled with frightened yelling. What was going on?

From the chaos, a man appears, tall and mighty among the small, cowering forms of onlookers. The glint of his knife, brandished high, is visible from you. The circle that forms around them gives you a clear view. The man is clearly unhinged, bearing an oddly crooked stance as he growls something at Kasuka. Your breath hitches as he advances on Kasuka, who stands only centimeters away from Anri and Mikado. 

Kanra: Yuuhei Hanejima got a death threat

Shoot. You had forgotten about that. Writing the threat off as a foolish prank, the whole situation left your head as quickly as it had entered. So quickly, that you didn't even think to mention the whole ordeal to Shizuo. Guilt floods your conscience as your eyes dart in his direction. However, you find no one standing in his place. A gust of wind brushes your cheeks as something rushes past you. The giant object soars through the air--flying, flying, flying….

Slamming right into the assailant.

Mortified silence developed into busy, confused chatter. Above that chatter, the sound of panting stuck out to you--the panting coming from behind you. Eyes wide as saucers, you turn to see your heaving companion. His legs are bent in a wide stance, energy still surging through them after an adrenaline-fueled throw. Further off to the side, you see the poor storefront of the burger joint you had just visited, now missing a large, light-lined sign. Welp. Wonder who did that.

Regaining his breathing, Shizuo simply walks off in another direction, not even bothering to take in the aftermath of his actions. You, however, still have your eyes glued to spectacle. As you go to follow him, your neck cranes to see the sight for as long as you can. Among the scurrying civilians, your eyes lock with another’s.

Kasuka stares back at you. He seems oddly unperturbed, given the previous events. Mesmerized by the blank expression on his face, you return his gaze until the very last second that you have to walk away. You follow Shizuo silently, taking in his heavy footsteps and the tension in his shoulders. Nothing seemed like the right thing to say, so you just continued to walk with him. As the two of you walked further, you could hear a voice in the distance. A high-pitched, youthful voice. A familiar voice.

“Yuuhei!! Yuuhei!!’

You rounded a corner and, when you saw the Orihara twins hanging from a truck by their hoodies, your jaw dropped. 

“Let us down, Shizuo,” Kururi pleads as the man approaches.

You watch as he reaches up, grabs them by the hood, and lifts them from the truck. Just as you think he’s about to put them down, he turns, carrying them over to a nearby building….then tosses them through an open door. In one fell swoop, he shuts the door and proceeds to push an entire vending machine in front of it. You can only gape as he leans back on the wall behind him.

“Wha- Shizuo, what on earth are you doing?” That seemed kind of mean. The sound of them yelling only bothers you further. Why would they need to be shut in like that--they were just two silly young girls…

“If you needed privacy to snog your girlfriend, you could’ve just asked! We can cover our ears!”

...on second thought, some people needed a bit of a time out. Still, you eye the man incredulously as he lights and takes a drag of a cigarette. Seems like he was really on edge--seeing someone threaten your brother’s life will do that to you, you guess. The shrill ringing of a cellphone cuts through the silence. Shizuo pulls his phone from his pocket and raises it to his ear.

You can’t hear whoever had called him, but the sound of their voice seems to take Shizuo off guard, his eyes widening. However, the surprise is quickly overtaken by hostility.

“So, who was that weirdo? Why’d you go out of your way to tell me that my brother was in danger?”

So he knew this would happen to Kasuka? Whoever was on the other line, there was no good will in Shizuo’s relationship with them. All you can make out is the static opening and closing of vowels and consonants. However, a sound in the distance causes you to zero in on your surroundings. The longer you listen, the closer the sound gets, and the more it seems to line up with the static voice in Shizuo’s cellphone. Someone was coming--whoever was calling Shizuo was coming. Your eyes shift back to the man, who is thoroughly engrossed in the phone call.

“And he just happened to be in Ikebukuro, right? And he just happened to be in the area--just happened to have a knife? Bullshit.”

The man who had attacked Kasuka...did this person have something to do with it as well?

“You’re pretty sharp...you really are an animal.” The voices line up clearly, perfectly. So clear, the person could be standing right in front of you.

They are right in front of you. Shizuo’s head suddenly snaps in a different direction, eyes boring daggers. Following his gaze, your heart stops. 

He somehow managed to look the same every time you saw him; wolfish grin and predatory eyes. Izaya returned Shizuo’s glare, taunting him. You suddenly feel as though you’re standing in the middle of an open warzone. Briefly, the image of a flying traffic sign comes to mind. 

“You’re correct--I told him Yuuhei’s schedule. I figured that if your brother was in danger, you’d come.”

Suddenly, your ears are ringing with the alarms that went off in your head. The men’s mouths are moving--but you’re too preoccupied to focus on their words. Your brain was too busy calculating, crunching the numbers; trying to figure out what the heck is going on.

You’re not especially perceptive, and the previous absence of Izaya’s half of the conversation did not help; Even then, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

That Izaya had purposely attempted to endanger Shizuo’s brother.

You ran so many scenarios through your head--rationalizing, justifying, searching through any possible defense, but there was really no spinning it. He knew someone wanted to kill Yuuhei. He gave them his location. He encouraged them to kill him.

What if Shizuo hadn’t been there? What if he had looked away and missed that split second that the man approached Kasuka? What if someone else had gotten hurt, or worse, killed?

Izaya would be responsible for it.

Izaya would be a murderer.

Said man moves abruptly, sharply. With a flick of his arm, he sends something shiny flying in Shizuo’s direction. You yelp, panic flooding your senses as the small blade shoots through the air. To your astonishment, the projectile is caught between Shizuo’s teeth, then promptly grinded into pieces. This was insane. It felt as though you had only blinked, and they were off--leaving you in a cloud of dust. You had never paid witness to one of their fights. The one time you got close, you ended up in a doctor’s apartment. You wonder if that’s why you’re still glued in place. Who's to say that you, or someone else, wouldn’t get hurt?

Perhaps Shizuo would take the care to watch out, but Izaya? It only now occurred to you what that man was capable of.

“Shizuo…? Are you still there?”

The juvenile voice momentarily distracts you from your own growing feeling of dread. If Shizuo was this preoccupied, there’s no way he’s going to remember to let Mairu and Kururi out. You sigh, returning to the door behind which they were enclosed. Leaning your entire body against the vending machine, you begin to push with all your might. To your surprise, it’s fairly light, scooting over with little effort. You pull open the door to reveal Mairu and Kururi, who shield their eyes from the sudden influx of light.

“(Y/N)! You saved us! That settles it, you’ve officially moved up on my list,” Mairu confidently flashes a thumbs up. Kururi silently nods.

You’re not sure you even want to be on that list. Ignoring their shenanigans, you take off in the same direction Shizuo had. You had a really bad feeling.

It’s easy to follow the two’s trail, considering the carnage they’ve left behind. However, after a certain point, everywhere is carnage--or more accurately, littered with relocated street signs. You’re finally able to find your way back to the crowd of civilians, but it’s evident that more people have joined the fray; Yellow Scarves to be exact. 

Everything’s devolved into nonsense, honestly. Somehow, fists were pointed at each other, and a bunch of punks were brawling in the streets. It was causing enough mayhem to obscure the presence of Shizuo and Izaya. Narrowly dodging the flurries of limbs, you aimlessly search for at least one familiar face. Thoughts swirl through your head, straying into your central train and making it increasingly difficult to concentrate.

Anri and Mikado. Hey, looks like they’re on an outing together! How cute.

When did Celty get here?

Oh, there’s Mika. Wonder how she’s doing.

Angered shouting transforms into a confused panic. The multitudes of thugs fighting in the streets are...sinking? Squinting your eyes, you notice the black gunk collecting at their feet, pulling them downwards like quicksand. It was almost shadow-y, the way it misted and steamed. You swear you’ve seen it somewhere before…

Oh. Celty.

Silently thanking the headless woman, you take advantage of the sudden pause in action. With a clearer view of the area, you notice a path of dented buildings, leading further away from the heart of the crowd. Weaving your way through other onlookers, you scurry in that direction, fearful you may lose your path again.

It seems like every pedestrian was drawn to the commotion, clearing out the surrounding streets and walkways. Running down the empty sidewalk, the silence feels out of place following so much commotion. The only sound you can make out is someone else’s breathing, their brisk footfalls hammering against the pavement. The footfalls stop, outlived by the sound of panting.

Following the sound, you find yourself slipping into an alleyway between storefronts. Was someone hurt? Could it be…

Against your will, you’re already running all sorts of horrific scenarios. You brace yourself, poised to help and comfort whoever it could be that needed help--but when you rounded the corner, every protective instinct went out the window.

He didn’t deserve protecting, after all.

[pablo9306]

The Impact of Instagram on Teen Body Images and ways to ignore them

In todays age of social media, Instagram has emerged as one of the most popular platforms among teenagers. While it provides a space for self-expression and connection with friends and family, it also has a significant impact on the body images of young individuals. In this blog post, I am going to go in depth on how Instagram influences teen body images and how we can ignore them

So to start us off, I wanted to talk about Comparison Culture Instagram is filled with carefully picked profiles showcasing seemingly flawless bodies and lifestyles either if its body builders or people with a lot of makeup on. Teens are bombarded with images of those profiles. This constant exposure creates a culture of comparison, where teenagers feel pressured to conform to unrealistic and often unattainable body ideals. This was one big thing that has been on my mind for awhile, that Comparing one another is not right and should never happen, it destroys people's mental health for not being up to date on things and looks

Next up on the list is Influencer Culture Influencers on Instagram often promote certain beauty standards and products. People, mostly Teens, who are highly impressionable, may idolize these influencers and would want to emulate their appearance. They may start comparing themselves to these influencers and feeling horrible or left out if they don't meet the same standards. One example being a teenager might feel dissatisfied with their body because it doesn't resemble that of their favorite fitness influencer. for example maybe its someone who wants to look like Brooke Monk, or someone who wants to look like one of the Trent twins (these are just exemples) this is what destroys people self confidence and mental health and gives them a lot of stress for “not being up to date on beauty standards'' 

Finally we have Filters and Editing. I wanted to talk about this as it's just stupid all around as so many people use these nowadays you cant tell whats real or not. So to start off Instagram offers a range of filters and editing tools that allow users to enhance their appearance. These tools can be used to mess around and have fun, but they also contribute to the distortion of reality. Teens might develop an unhealthy obsession with achieving the perfect look through excessive editing or using filters that create a false sense of beauty. People out there go nuts for attention, some people even spend hours on those filters perfecting them, and they don't even look like that in real life.

I also wanted to mention Makeup, Its used everywhere now even if it's just a quick photo or going out, people will always use makeup, makeup in my opinion is like using one of the Instagram filters but having it on you temporally and only taking it off when you want to stop receiving attention. People go crazy on makeup just like Instagram filters which has the same consequences.

So what are some things we can do to ignore and stop it?

One main thing anyone can do is take breaks from social media take periods of time or days where you intentionally disconnect from Instagram and other social media platforms.  As well you can set a few boundaries by only being on Instagram for a few hours or even just every few days. Another thing is to take control of the content you see on Instagram by actively curating your feed by unfollowing accounts that show unrealistic beauty standards or negatively impact your self-esteem. Instead, we can follow accounts that promote body positivity, self-acceptance, and mental well-being.

In Conclusion, Instagram Is a great social media app that is used by many people worldwide, while that is the case teens will have body image issues that cannot be underestimated. The constant exposure to beauty/body building profiles, influencer culture, and the use of filters and editing tools all contribute to an environment that fosters comparison and unrealistic beauty standards. However, it's important to remember that Instagram also offers opportunities for positive change, with body positivity leading the way. As others mostly teens navigate this digital landscape, we should promote self-acceptance and a healthy relationship with social media.

[blackjackkent]

Aight, I don't have a ton of time for Rakha adventures tonight and am gonna be gone through Monday, but I couldn't just leave her on the utter emotional meltdown I gave her yesterday for the whole weekend. XD

(Plus I checked ahead and today we get a Wyll romance scene. ^_^ )

So a bit more fun with my mess of a Durge. c:

It definitely takes a while for Rakha to calm down after everything. Wyll just sits with her for the better part of an hour while she sits curled up in a corner; he listens when she wants to talk, but most of it is mutterings to herself that don't make a tremendous amount of sense.

Lae'zel doesn't say anything, but she stays close and paces a little perimeter around them like a guard dog. Shadowheart, thankfully, has access to Remove Curse now, so she's able to get rid of the clown makeup that Dolly stuck Rakha with - which doesn't really improve Rakha's mood tremendously but does at least make her look like herself again.

Eventually she does settle down, though, and gets up and stalks away, making a creditable effort to pretend like, somehow, nothing happened. She isn't really fooling anyone, though, and Wyll in particular sticks very close to her.

This is all very interestingly timed given that his next romance scene is literally set to drop at the next long rest. I do kind of like this timing overall but it necessitates thinking a bit about where Wyll's head is at in all this.

He and Rakha have been growing to care for each other in an awkward, unspoken way for quite a while now, since mid Act 1

From Rakha's side, it is because he has been kind to her in spite of all her faults and has provided guidance for her that she could not provide for herself; on a deep level, she has become who she is at this point in the game almost entirely due to following his example in the best, fumbling way she can.

From Wyll's side... it's more subtle, I think. @rhysintherain pointed out a bit back that Rakha's struggles (Durge's in general I suppose but Rakha's definitely) parallel Wyll's hope that he could do good in spite of Mizora's influence and maybe even be free of it one day. He sees himself in her, he's invested in what and who she's becoming, and he wants to be beside her through it.

All of this to say that watching her melt down after the drider fight has him thinking a lot of things over. It's a potent reminder that her internal struggles aren't gone - and in fact might get worse before they get better. And some of the specific things she said during that meltdown made it clear that (among other things) she feels herself fully capable of hurting him, specifically, in a moment of weakness.

With that in mind, Wyll coming to her with the dance, the moment of romance, is not just about the romance in and of itself. It's also an expression of trust in light of her meltdown - it's him saying he believes in her willingness to fight the beast urge enough to trust her with his vulnerability.

(Interestingly, this was how I ended up framing her one-night stand with Lae'zel, too - as an expression of trust in light of Rakha's early Act 1 struggles, albeit more about physical than emotional vulnerability. Parallels! \o/)

So I think Wyll just kind of sticks close to her during some minor explorational stuff after the drider fight, keeping an eye on her but giving her space to calm down. She's even quieter than usual, clearly embarrassed about her loss of control, and also clearly still agitated and frightened about whatever prompted it, which he still doesn't fully understand.

And he does a lot of thinking about exactly what he wants. Realistically, if he wasn't willing to handle her at her worst, I don't think anyone would blame him for this being the moment that he decided to step back.

But he doesn't.

[anryuuepic]

The walk to her classes is lonely. They won’t even start for a couple of hours, but her parents don’t like it when she lingers around the house all day. It’s better to be out and doing something, they say. 

So Lillianne takes her time. She nibbles on her vegetables as she goes— first the sweet potato, then the less appealing carrot—, and kicks every decent-sized rock she finds along the gravel road in the hopes that it’ll help pass even a few more minutes. 

Her shoes, worn and pinchingly small, crunch on the stone as she walks. It’s still that kind of early-morning, hazy hour when the town isn’t properly up and moving yet. Lillianne doesn’t like it much. Or rather, she isn’t sure if she likes it or not. The vaguely lonely feeling aches deep in her chest, but... she kind of enjoys being by herself. When there’s no one there to say she’s doing something wrong or that she’s taking up too much time and space and money, the pain is worth it, in a way.

Through a mouthful of mushy, half-stale carrot, she scowls. Why does she make things go badly for everyone? She’s not unhappy or ungrateful, and she tries her very best, and yet... nothing works out how it should. 

As she often is, Lillianne ends up being the first of the class (if it can really be called that) to arrive.

That’s not unusual. Most of the other children are the kind of street kids who aren’t used to being anywhere in any kind of timely manner, let alone having the threat of parents chasing them out of the house first thing in the morning.

It always feels kind of weird that she does have parents, being here. 

Since there’s nothing to do but wait, Lillianne tucks her skirt under herself and sits down on the stone steps leading up to the gate to her teacher’s back garden— a pretty little area with all kinds of flowers in the summertime, and a modest, bright-painted house attached to it. Unless the weather is too awful for it, lessons are held outside, here in the pretty garden that Lillianne has half-memorized by familiarity alone. 

No sooner has she closed her eyes and settled in for the wait, though, than there’s someone calling for her attention.

“Good morning, Lillianne. You’re here early again, aren’t you?”

Dinah’s voice is sweet in a raspy, whisper-like way that makes her sound older than she is. Really, she’s maybe just old enough to be Lillianne’s grandma, but still shorter than some of the oldest kids in her classes. She’s slight and unimposing, with wisps of pale hair like fraying thread and small, round spectacles half-hiding her sea glass-colored eyes. 

When Lillianne leans back, tipping halfway over to stare up from between the thin metal slats of Dinah’s garden gate, she gets an upside-down view of the woman’s gentle smile. 

“Yeah,” Lillianne says. “I am. I get up early.”

Politeness doesn’t come easily to her. Lillianne is all blunt words and direct, all-too-honest answers that adults call rude. She doesn’t like saying too much, but people always seem to want to drag the words right out of her— and all in the order they want to hear. 

“Has anyone else arrived yet?” Dinah asks. 

“No. Just me.”

After she answers that question, Lillianne pulls her head back up and gets to her feet. Brushing the dust off her skirt, she turns to face Dinah while she speaks. 

“We’ll wait together, then. Have you eaten anything today?”

“...yeah.”

Dinah’s gentle smile doesn’t change a bit. “Well, would you like to have a little something extra?”

Uncertain, Lillianne nods. She doesn’t know why Dinah would be offering food to her, but confusion is no reason to refuse something to eat. Especially not when there’s so little waiting at home. 

After stepping back inside for a moment, Dinah returns with a pale, fluffy yeast roll, torn off of the rest of its batch. It’s browned on top and just big enough to fill both of Lillianne’s hands cupped together, resting cloudlike on her grimy fingers. 

“You can eat it whenever you’d like,” Dinah tells her. Lillianne gets the message. 

Among the type of kids who don’t often see regular meals, it’s better to make your food disappear before anyone else can lay eyes on it. That’s how people get ideas.

Sitting on Dinah’s garden steps, she stuffs the roll into her mouth one cheek-puffing, chewy bite at a time, washed down by measured sips of water from the canteen attached to the bag at her hip. It’s the freshest food she’s tasted in a while, and all Lillianne can wonder is what Dinah is going to ask from her later, in return.

[[ first || previous/next ]]

[ai-dadaism]

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A PUMPKIN WITCH

Dear Diary,

Today was one of those perfect days when the world feels just right. I have noticed for many years how pumpkins respond to different seasons, and fall must be their favorite time of the year. I can hear the faint hum of their satisfaction and approval from the magic of the pumpkins as they sit nestled in their pumpkin patch. Even though they do not speak in a human tongue, I get the familiar flashes of happiness and delight as I walk by them and that is how I know that they are pleased. This in turn pleases me, as when the pumpkins are happy, the enchantment over our secret little farm is boosted for the year to come, and I can live in peace here on this farm, not worrying about intruders locating this sacred space.

Morning Meditation:

I started my day with a peaceful meditation among the pumpkins. Their magic flows around me and I breath it in, absorbing it through my pores and focusing on it so that it binds with my magic within my soul. This is a mandatory daily activity that I must remember to do to enhance my powers and build a deeper connection with the magical pumpkins of the pumpkin patch. Not to mention the soft rustling of leaves and the gentle hum of nature's magic always soothes my soul. It's a moment of reflection and connection, where I offer gratitude for the wonders that surround me.

Tending to the Pumpkins:

My beloved pumpkins are my closest companions, aside from Moss of course. They are more than just plants; they're enchantments in orange and green. I carefully inspected each one, ensuring they were thriving. I often have to chide Moss and remind her not to pluck out their leaves, as it hurts the poor things. The touch of their leaves, the scent of earth, and the warmth of the sun on my skin as comforting aspects of the farm that sometimes make me feel like who could ever want to leave such a charming and comforting place?

Artistry in Nature:

One of my greatest joys is channeling my creativity onto canvases made of pumpkin fiber. Yes, it sounds gross, however pumpkins are organic matter. Every six months or so is the enchanted pumpkin’s life span, after which it shrivels up. It’s magical essence goes back into the pumpkin patch and new pumpkins are formed, and with the husks, I make all sorts of things. With a long family history of woodwork and carpentry skills, I grind down, dry out and build everything from cutlery to canvases out of the pumpkin remains. With paints and brushes in hand, I spent part of my day turning these magical canvases into works of art. Even in it’s withered and dried form, the magic of the pumpkin still exist within the fibers, which is why all items made from the pumpkin patch, must remain in the pumpkin patch to protect it from landing into the wrong hands.

Harvesting and Sharing:

Around teatime I often have a few special guests come by to say hi. As the day progressed, it was time to select some of the most beautiful pumpkins for my guests. I carefully gathered them, leaving behind a symphony of colors. These pumpkins carry the essence of the patch and the secrets of ancient spells. They also make great pumpkin pies. Yes, I do cook and eat the pumpkins, it doesn’t hurt them, and it gives the consumer a huge boost in healthy vitamins, along with a few magical side effects, if you are a non-magic user.

Interacting with Visitors:

In the afternoon, I welcomed my visitors to the farm. Their eyes always light up at the sight of the enchanting pumpkins, and I love taking them on a journey through the patch. It's a privilege to watch their faces transform with wonder and delight as they discover the magic hidden among the vines. Then we all settled down in the gazebo for some tea and pumpkin pie. They always bring a box of supplies that I ask for that I cannot get myself from the pumpkins or the vegetable garden out back, so I am forever grateful to their visits and look forward to seeing them again next week.

Evening Reprieve:

As the day turned into twilight, I retreated to my cozy cottage, nestled amidst the pumpkins. The colors of the evening sky painted the patch in ethereal shades. It was a moment to reflect on the enchantment that surrounds me. Moss often greates me at the door with her insistant meow that she has not been fed, even though she did get a big slice of pumpkin pie just like everyone else. I quickly make us out dinner, and then I settle in for a long evening with a good book read by candle light.

Closing Thoughts:

Diary, my days on the pumpkin patch are beautiful, and endless. I hope to live here for as long as I can. I'm grateful for every moment I get to spend here, and I hope you've enjoyed this little glimpse into my world. Until next time,

Elisha

----

Other posts with Elisha:

https://aidadaism.art/Witches-Elisha

[rosedmuse]

taking shape; for harusoie 800 days

As two distinct characters with quite the contrast in personalities, our views may occasionally not meet halfway through and crash like lost planets among a sea of infinite stars. The impact shattered hearts; and fragments of each of our own sentiments drifted away in the cold, dead-quiet air of the house.

We got into a fight. It's not precisely about anything close to being that big of a deal. But we rarely fight; so if one does happen, brushing the aftermath away is as good as bidding a permanent farewell to all the hopes and dreams we've held onto for so long. As two distinct characters with quite the contrast in personalities, our views may occasionally not meet halfway through and crash like lost planets among a sea of infinite stars. The impact shattered hearts; and fragments of each of our own sentiments drifted away in the cold, dead-quiet air of the house.

From the windows of his empty room, I stare at anything outside I could lay my eyes upon. The bright blue sky, the sun, the fluffy clouds, the birds soaring across in flocks, our good neighbor's old tree, the green grass, and the assortment of flowers that grow from there. The sight feels straight out of a movie. I take a deep breath to allow nature's inherent beauty to seep into my system and overcome my restlessness. Haruto has a nice place. Just as everything about him is. In that same moment, I realize, he's the thought of every inch of space in my brain again. "Aw..." I let out a strained sigh. The reason why I chose to stay in his room to calm my nerves down (while he probably does the same in the living room), is because we found out we both needed some time. Just a little bit of a timeout after a fallout to prevent us both from unleashing each other's beasts hidden deep within us. It won't take all day, I'm sure. In fact, I think I'm hearing a couple knocks on the door right now. "Seonne?" Haruto's voice, brimming with concern, reaches me like music to my ears. "Haruto-san!" I leap out of my sorrow in an instant, eager to aid and patch our wounded selves up. Poking my head out from the slight parting of the door and its frame, I am greeted by his solid lilac gaze. There is a hint of guilt present in them, much like mine perhaps, until just a few minutes ago. He offers a smile, as sad as it could ever be. "Can we talk?" He asks, careful in picking his words. "Of course," I reply, "I'd love to." He shows me an open palm of his one hand. I take this as permission to hold mine, so I gratefully place my own answer upon it. Giving it a light squeeze and a small kiss, he whispers to me an almost inaudible 'thank you,' before guiding me to the couch. "Look, I'm... I'm sorry," Haruto stammers, looking away from me, while his thumb busily massages at my knuckles. "I shouldn't have said anythin'" "Hey." I lean my cheek close to his shoulder. "It's alright. I'm sorry too. I doubted myself again when I told you I wouldn't anymore." He bitterly purses his lips at this. "It's not like you can fully control that!" "Well..." He has a point. "That's true..." Letting the subtle quietness between us reign for a while, I'm already feeling the exhaustion from finally having been relieved of the tension of this morning's little argument. I'm tempted to say the same thing for Haruto, but unfortunately, I'm not a hundred percent sure. He has his tendency to be a bit too hard on himself sometimes. And today might be one of those times. Who knows. I have to make sure he's okay. "Haruto-san?" "Hm?" He raises both of his eyebrows. "I love you." Surprise paints his face; he expected that not. A brief pause. And he breathes, paving the way for another smileーa lot happier one, this timeーto shine. I anticipate him to respond with an 'I love you more,' in his usual, know-it-all tone. But instead, he goes right in for an even sweeter kiss. "I guess I really should take a few more pages from your book," I tease. "Oh, you should take my whole book now," he jokes back, looking utterly satisfied at understanding my humor. "I have more than enough confidence in me already. I ought to share that with you." "Ya sure do!" "And I should, well, feel more of my emotions properly," he says, cheeks flushed, once again looking away. "You know, like you." A smile of my own further brings the light back to the mood. We're learning. We're accepting. We're growing. If I were to be asked how people's hearts continue to grow and blossom through love around two or more years ago, I wouldn't have been able to provide a decent answer. I was unqualified, and inexperienced back then. But now that I do have someone I'm ready to spend the rest of my years (and all succeeding lifetimes) with, I think I'm beginning to see how my answer to that question is actually taking shape. 

[thefencebeetle]

All the social media websites are getting more unusable and un-user friendly by the day, I hate it, I hate it so much, this is awful and I am in fact suffering greatly from it

Stop being awful, why are websites so bad, stop showing me scam ads everywhere, why are bots so prominent, why is everything simultaneously sanitised to hell but exceptions are made for the worst of the worst, why isn’t anything customisable, why can’t I do anything that I want, this is absolute user hell, this is torture for the sake of data harvesting

And yet this is some kind of fucked up reverse prisoners dilemma, I can’t leave because everyone is also trapped here, and if I choose to leave I’ll be free but I’ll be alone, and in the dark about everything. I’ll be in the void. It’s either burning fire pits of content hell with everyone or the cold and lonely expanse of irrelevant nothingness.

I hate it

This is horrible

These websites are actively harming my mental health. I’ve been catching myself not only thinking about the dumbass "debates" I’ve seen online but even talking to people about them ! As if (!!!) they were(!!!) somehow (!!!) fucking relevant to anything actually real (!!!!!). I don’t want to know ! I just want the bare minimum of good thoughtful interaction ! I want to stay informed on the topics that interest me ! It takes so much work to get even the bear minimum of a curated experience I don’t want the every day controversy or the moronic takes or the fake and fleeting outrages that serves no purpose whatsoever. Please everyone should just learn to shut the fuck up, have some restraint, grow up, get a life ! Nobody’s got a life ?!?

In fact this is Millennial hell. We’ve collectively created and populated these spaces and we are rotting in them, we are festering and oozing out of them, and we are cannibalising them and ourselves simultaneously. This is our generational sin, we were born into the Internet and we made sure to choke it real hard and real good, to extinguish its light and creativity, to chose the shittiest options and blindly accept anything for the sake of recognition, clout. And we’re going to continue doing that because there’s no way we’re moving away from our acid vats we now call social media websites. We’re feeling far too cozy among our own shit and trash, like depressing hoarders who can’t even imagine their house clean anymore not realising they are destroying their living space and sharing it with an unholy number of critters, ready to eat them dead or alive, sooner rather than later.

Maybe we are the critters. But at least they have some kind of use. Our only use is to wallow and do nothing, be depressed and stare, get drained by endless bullshit, and give data, look at ads, be a marketing profile, no need to share anything anymore. Don’t be creative, don’t be weird, don’t act. Just scroll and consume and be artificially angry and react to things you wouldn’t have even noticed otherwise and let it eat through you and install itself in your brain like a true parasite. It whispers to you that you want it and need it. Feed it. Open that app again. What is it, like the 30th time today ? Check again for notes / views / retweets / likes. Nothing hm, better check again ! Better like more harder and faster ! Scroll a bit further ! Click on more buttons made to be scientifically enjoyable and rewarding ! Spin that content wheel ! React ! Comment some brainless emoji ! Get into more arguments !! Check for notes again !!! Maybe this time you’re famous !!!

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I stare at the delete button of my account like its loaded with one bullet for that parasite in my brain. I’m not even sure it’ll be enough.

[rize-is-writing]

hello!! i found you in the tags and i found your little match-ups to be very cute, so i wanted to give it a try. it's my first time writing one of these sooo.. hehe.. 👉👈

would it be ok to ask for a romantic genshin matchup? they/them for me, i don't really have a gender preference, but i do have a type, if it's of help in narrowing the selection: it's the serious type.. or the silly little weird ones.. uuu.. swoon ( ◡‿◡ *)

i'm an adult!! on the younger side of.. adultism. AHAH, sooooo!!! i'm an infp, melancholic temperament. i resonate with the latter quite a bit. if one could deduct anything from those, it's that i'm the dreamer type. i like to introduce myself as a polite, very not-special person, but that is a facade i cannot upkeep for more than two weeks, because i am.. incredibly jumpy and affectionate when i'm used to the person i'm with. like my anxiety just vanishes for a bit and i will take their hands and i will start twirling them to street music (and that's a true story). i can say i'm creative—nothing uncommon in this sphere, but i'm an artist—i like trying all sorts of mediums and forms of art, from embroidery to gouache to playing bass, so i can say confidently that i have really good hands!! when i'm not spacing out, at least. i've been cursed with airheadedness and a severe case of daydreamer—i am often stuck in my own head thinking about whatever's on topic, the real world sometimes just floats over my head. i try my best to be there when it's necessary! when someone needs me there, i'll be there with one call. aaaaaa i consider myself your average eccentric!! not strange among the strange, but not entirely fitting with the average crowd. but i like my own category, because that means i can define it myself!! ^_^ i am not often outside and i don't make many connections, but the ones i do are treasured forever.

aside from that, anything else remarkable.. i don't think much. one thing that gets noticed about me a lot is.. well, my airheadedness, the horrible observations of me being 159cm, the fact that i am always on the verge of falling asleep. the pain of having to accustom my nocturnal brain to these diurnal schedules.. ✊️ additionally, some things i like are.. cute cats (i have one <3), scary stories even though they give me nightmares, and i enjoy gothic style and music a very "normal" amount.. what i hate is repetitiveness, mostly.

i hope this is not too long!! i have a bad habit of talking a lot hehe, i never know when to stop.. feel free to discard this if it's too much, i do not mind!! either way, i hope you're having a great day today, take caaaaaareeeeee!! <3

I found your match! Come to meet them, c'mon c'mon!

You sound like a bubbly and fun person, imagining you and Yoimiya talk with each other seems rather fun, given the habit of both of you to talk quite a bit!

Is always easy to talk with Yoimiya about anything and absolutely nothing at all, you can jump from a topic to another, and that would still make sense to Yoimiya as you two talk. With her cheerful, bubbly and easy going personality is easy to approach her about anything, and anxiety would float away like a small cloud. She for sure falls under the "silly one" type of category, a goofy wonderful girl! You two would just dance randomly around the streets, as you said you would do (and did) and Yoimiya would for sure just be okay with that and partecipate wholeheartedly.

Yoimiya would absolutely admire your talents, probably would stare at your works and insist to listen while you play music. This girl is you numer one fan and supporter!

Don't think she would be much bothered by your airheadness, she's there for you if you ever get distracted too much and for sure would love to hear any fleeting thoughts you can have.