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heliza24 · 9 months ago

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I want to talk a little bit about Daniel in the Interview with the Vampire show, because the new trailer material has me stuck thinking about him, and also I’ve never written about how meaningful he is as disabled character to me before.

I don’t see many people thinking about show!Daniel in these terms, but he’s a canon disabled character. And I think the way he is written is just SO good. The acerbic wit, his relationship to doctors and his medication, his rueful acceptance of the way his disability has changed him. It is all so correct!! It’s really incredibly rare to have not only a disabled character written this well but specifically a chronically ill character written this well. His illness is always present; it doesn’t get forgotten about by the story. It gives Daniel insight into the vampires (more on this in a min), but it also gives Louis and Armand leverage over him. When Louis triggers his Parkinson’s symptoms? Deeply not ok. But that’s what made it such a great scene, and really made Louis feel dangerous and threateningin that moment. Armand and Louis arranging Daniel’s meds is a sign of great care and also great power over Daniel. It’s the perfect way to communicate the complicated power dynamic in their relationship.

I also just fucking love that this show takes place in 2022 and doesn’t erase the pandemic. Covid is a very present concern for Daniel and I cannot describe how validating that is for me as someone who is clinically vulnerable to Covid and who has had to really limit my life and take a lot of precautions because everyone else has decided to stop caring whether they pass on Covid or not. The fact that Daniel gets on a plane to Dubai is a BIG DEAL. He’s risking his life to talk to Louis and Armand before he’s even in the room with them. He really wants to be there. I have to make a similar calculation every time I travel, and trust me, getting on that plane knowing getting sick could spiral you into even worse health or kill you is really hard.

I think making Daniel disabled and including the pandemic is kind of a genius level decision on a thematic level. Of course Daniel is now facing down his mortality, which gives him a whole new lens on the vampires and the fact that he once asked them to turn him. And the pandemic further highlights his fragility, and is also possibly being used as a cover for drama that’s happening in the vampire world. But I think it also really sets Daniel up as a foil to Louis.

There’s a lot of analysis of the vampire chronicles that reads vampirism as a metaphor for queerness. But I would actually propose that it’s a much neater parallel for disability and illness in a lot of ways. So many of Louis’s initial experiences after being turned resonated with me, as someone who became chronically ill in my 20s. My appetite and relationship to food completely changed, much like Louis. My relationship with the outdoors and the sun changed, because of dysautonomia and allergy reasons. I was very mad, and very depressed, and I too have missed out on birthday parties and big life events like Louis did because I was too sick to go. Hell, you can even say that the way that Louis is treated as evil by his family, that the way vampires literally can’t be a part of society during the day, is reminiscent of ableist exclusion and ugly laws. (Ugly laws were laws that forbid disabled people, especially those with visible differences, from being out in public, and they were on the books in many American municipalities until the 1970s.) You can look at Lestat being an out and proud vampire in the first few episodes on the season and imploring Louis to leave his shame behind as a queer thing, but you can also view it as a disabled thing. Disabled people are portrayed as monstrous so often (and in a way that has gone relatively unexamined compared to say, the queer coded villain trope) that sometimes it’s just easier to embrace that label: I’m the monstrous Crip, but at least I’m not ashamed of or disgusted by who I am anymore.

I do think the real strength of this adaptation is that while you can find parallels between queerness or disability or other forms of marginalization with vampirism, ultimately it’s not a one-to-one parallel. It speaks to the real world but ultimately it is a gothic horror story about supernatural monsters. So I don’t mean to say that vampirism directly equals disability, because it does not. But I do think that making Daniel disabled was an intentional choice to help draw out some of those parallels, and I think the text is richer for it.

So Louis and Daniel have had these kind of parallel experiences of uncontrollable and difficult things happening to their bodies. It sets them up perfectly as foils, and even, I would argue, as the A plot and B Plot protagonists. This is one of my favorite ways of kind of examining the structure of a TV show (or maybe it’s that most of my favorite shows seem to be structured this way?). When TV was all episodic, it would be common to refer to the A plot (mystery of the week), B plot (interpersonal drama happening as the mystery gets solved) and C plot (any overarching plot tying the season together) in an episode. Now that stuff is serialized, there’s often a main protagonist, who has the main dramatic question and the most agency, and then there is often a secondary B plot that explores similar themes and mirrors the A plot, or presents a second main character who is the ldifferent side of the same coin” to the main protagonist. (My favorite example of this is Flint and Max in Black Sails, and I’ve also made the argument that Wilhelm and Sara fit this pattern in Young Royals.) In IwtV, Louis is obviously the main protagonist of the show, especially in the A Plot, which is the stuff taking place in New Orleans/Paris. But I would argue that Daniel is the protagonist of the B Plot set in Dubai. At the very least they’re intentionally set up as mirrors of each other:

They are both unreliable narrators, who are struggling with the way memory contorts (through memory erasure, illness, deliberate obfuscations, and just the passage of time). The most recent teaser trailer, where we hear Louis saying “I don’t remember that”, with panic in his voice, further underlined this similarity between Louis and Daniel to me. I don’t know if it means that Louis has also had his memory tampered with, as I’m assuming Daniel has, but I do think it means that Louis is going to be struggling with feeling out of control of his own narrative more in season 2, a thing that was already starting for Daniel in season 1.

They are also both locked into power struggles with people more powerful than they are. The fact that Louis is under Lestat in the flashbacks and above Daniel in the Dubai scenes in terms of power/status makes it all the more interesting. And, if we want to go ahead and assume that the Devils Minion’s years have happened in the past by the time we get to Dubai— it’s possible that both Daniel and Louis are united in being the less powerful partner in their own respective fucked up gothic romances.

They’re also both the audience’s entry point into their respective stories. Louis’s narration guides us into the world of vampires. Daniel’s questioning satisfies our human curiosity in Dubai.

I think one of the things that makes the show so special is the way that these two protagonists interact. In a lot of shows the a plot and the b plot stay pretty separate. I love talking about Black Sails for this because I think it’s such a good example; Flint and Max never exchange dialogue the entire show, even though they’re so clearly affecting each other the whole time. But the way that Louis and Daniel clash in Dubai is so exciting. We see them both wrestling for control of the narrative. It’s thrilling to watch and it just hammers home the theme of how complicated and changeable stories can be.

I am SO excited to see how the Dubai scenes play out in season 2 because of it. I really can’t wait. I’m really hoping we’ll see Daniel and Louis’s relationship evolve in surprising ways, and I’m holding my breath that we’ll get a lot of Armandaniel material to work with. (I have a whole other post drafted that’s much less smart than this one and is just me waxing poetic about Devil Minion’s theories which I may post at some point. You have been warned.)

I do have two wishes for Daniel in the new season, and they’re 1: that he gets to have romance/sex, because disabled (and older!) characters are so often seen as unworthy of being desired, and I would like to see that challenged and 2: that he continues to refuse to be turned/is not offered a vampiric cure for Parkinson’s. The magic cure for a disability or chronic illness is probably my least favorite disability trope, because it serves to erase disabled characters and representation from the narrative, and I want to see my experiences continue to be reflected in Daniel’s. That means that whatever ending Daniel’s story has will probably have at least a bit of tragedy baked into it, but I’m ok with that.

#interview with the vampire amc #interview with the vampire #iwtv #daniel molloy #armandaniel #devils minion #louis de pointe du lac #armand #my meta #my crip media reviews #devil’s minion

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icyg4l · 6 months ago

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PAC: what should you put on your bucket list for the summer?

hello beautiful people! i am starting my summer 2024 series right now and i am so excited!!!! i wanted to bring something new to everyone so i am creating specialized playlists for each group. they consist of six songs i’ve channeled during your reading. i hope that the group you chose resonates. i also hope that you all book a reading with me! :)

without further ado, please select your pile.

top left-to-bottom right: (1-4)

PILE ONE:

this pile may be newly single or fresh to the dating scene as a whole. you seem introverted, maybe covid messed up your social skills? it’s time to bring some life back into you! i think the main message here is to be more open to exploration.

cards used: the tower, 10 of discs, king of swords, the star, queen of wands, the hanged man, princess of cups.

learn how to swim

flirt with a stranger at a festival/concert

ride as many amusement park rides as you can

go on a picnic date

join some type of organization, or maybe even create one!

be as comfortable in your skin as you can; even go skinny dipping or to a new beach (only if you’re of age though!!)

go to a metaphysical shop

go on a group/double date with your friends

PILE TWO:

i feel like you’re insecure and you’re trying to work on that. this is the best summer to do so. i feel like this pile gets easily embarrassed. spirit wants you to stop that lmao. i take it that you’re someone who’s probably a loner.

cards used: 9 of cups, queen of discs, ace of wands, 3 of cups, 8 of swords, 5 of wands

do as much shadow work as you can

take up a self-defense class/boxing class

jump off the diving board

conquer your fear of heights by bungee jumping or rock climbing

hypnosis therapy

wear your natural hair in different styles each day for a week (maybe longer 🙈)

embrace family traditions

spa day!

have/go to a bonfire

scrapbook!

PILE THREE:

these are my r&b loversss. i feel like you guys have some pipes on you lol. this pile is kind of goofy too. this pile has to be as free as possible. no relationships, no commitments of any kind (minus a job cause y’know the economy rn is 😔). but anyway, the point is to just relax.

cards used: 6 of discs, the devil, the magician, 2 of cups, wheel of fortune, the sun, princess of cups.

go to a skate park

host an event

meet a special someone at the bar

connect with an old friend

adopt a pet

create an alter ego for yourself and show up as that person

do a good deed for someone, pay it forward.

have a dance battle in public

obtain a FWB (be smart & use protection of course 🤫)

post on social media as much as possible

PILE FOUR:

i can tell this is the pile that likes to be organized. you like to have plans made out before the summer. that might not be the case this summer. focus on being a little more free and spontaneous. flexibility is key, babe. get out of freezeeeee mode.

cards used: 3 of cups, the hanged man, 5 of wands, queen of wands, king of swords, the star, knight of cups, ace of discs.

dye your hair red!

pass the bar exam (for those of you who are future lawyers)

receive a tarot reading from an in-person psychic

flirt a little at the grocery store

get dressed up to go to a department store/chain store

have a girls night in with ur girls!

build a fort!

change up your day-to-day makeup routine

record a song with your friends

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 1 year ago

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I'm a student about to start my second year, and me and all my friends are really nervous. It feels like first year was really rough for everyone all over the place and we're all really hoping for a better second year this year! Have lecturers been noticing that too? Do you think it's because of COVID?

Oh my god yes. Jesus yes. It's absolutely the covid effect, and we're expecting to see the disruption for the next five or so years, tbh - the current 18-21 year old undergrads went through the most important years of high school during a lockdown. That not only interrupted academic development (home schooling during a time of stress, massive disruption to exams and exam-taking skills, etc), it also enormously hit emotional development (mid to late teens have the highest socialising needs of the human lifespan, and no one could meet and interact with each other.) And that latter point is having a much bigger effect than the former.

Current undergrads haven't been able to develop the same resilience, the same approach to andragogic education, the same interpersonal skills for dealing with lecturers/fellow students. University is not like school; in school teachers are giving you the knowledge, and gradually encouraging you to try and use it to formulate your own opinions. In university, we're supposed to give you the framework to then go out and do you own research. The bulk of your education comes from you, not us; we're more like facilitators.

But, we're noticing that there's a far bigger skew now towards needing to get the answer right. Anxiety is higher, and so the fear of being wrong is much more crippling for these students, and that in turn means they're less willing/able to take charge of their own education and are more passive with it, wanting to just be fed the right answers so they can rote learn them and get the Good mark. And the disconnect between that and the reality of what lecturers are expecting is pretty big, it turns out, and is causing even more anxiety and stress. Record numbers of my students have started asking me to give their assignment drafts a quick look over, just to see if they're on the right track. Which, you know, I'm more than happy to do; but I do think it's a notable pattern change from three or four years ago.

If you're worrying on a personal level though, Anon, I have some Handy Tips if they're any use!

Remember: the idea of uni is that you are doing your own research and learning on the topics your lecturers describe. They're giving you the basics, but they're expecting you to look up examples, case studies, other research papers, etc. They want to see analysis. That's what gets you the good marks. If you simply describe the information you got in lectures and don't add anything, you'll struggle to rise out of a basic pass.

What's the fundamental point of your particular course? It's important to know this, because it'll tell you how to focus your assessments and exam answers. Just within the environmental sector, you could have Environmental Science (focus: academic exploration and research), Environmental Conservation (focus: applying the academic research to actual management and solutions), Environmental Impacts (focus: philosophy and ethics), etc. In all three, you might be given a paper about the latest IPCC report, but in the first you would focus on exploring all the research papers that formed the conclusion on climate change, in the second you'd focus on case studies around the world and the applicability/feasibility of the shared economic pathways that are going to fix the problem, and in the third you'd focus on the human impacts of both the problem and the proposed solutions. You may of course include elements of all of those, but your main focus should be chosen appropriately.

Keep your notes with copies of the lecture slides in nice ordered folders. Keep a bulleted list of the topics covered in each. This makes it far easier to go and double check the right info when you're stressed out

On that note, the best note-taking system is to add notes/comments to the lecture slides where you record clarifications and things the lecturer said (INCLUDING CASE STUDIES). Don't bother duplicating effort by writing what's on the slide.

I truly do know this is easier said than done, but don't leave your assignments until the last minute. Are you struggling with motivation? You need a study group. You need to body double.

And finally, the biggest: CONTACT STUDENT SUPPORT IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING. Every time I go to an exam board and we get to a student who has failed stuff, the first question the Academic Office asks is "Has this student been working with Student Support?" Even if they aren't that helpful in your uni, working with them means they know about the things you're struggling with, and that you've clearly been trying to work around the problems. That makes the Academic Office far, far more likely to take a lenient view of a student, rather than going "Well, clearly they just don't care then, withdraw them from the program." Your Student Support should be able to help you with counselling, study buddies, a support worker that can help you organise your time and interpret your assignment briefs correctly and give you interim deadlines, etc.

Oh, and remember to schedule in rest and downtime, just as much as study time.

And... honestly, you learned a lot in your first year. The learning curve is less steep in second year, even accounting for the academic rigour increasing. By now, you're basically used to things like referencing, routines, assignment formatting, etc. There are no more surprises, really. Now's the point you can get the bit between your teeth and run.

Anyway: good luck! And enjoy it as much as you can. University is hard, no doubt about that, but it can and should be fun as well.

#asks #the professional world of careers and tasks

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jadeddangel · 8 months ago

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SORRY I DIDNT SEE THAT-

Rather than a smut could you make a platonic Carmilla x fem teen reader? The reader is a young overlord and is usually stoic and stuff, but breaks down and has a panic attack one day? Thank you and sorry for the last request!😅

Yea it's not a problem, if you ever want to request stuff I'm open and I'm ok with writing more suggestive things however.

Carmilla x Teen!Reader

"Sometimes walls break.."

Warnings: panic attack, talk of violence/death, possible ooc Carmilla

You had been an overlord for a little over 2 years. You had died when all the shit with covid. You really hadn't expected your death to expect you in the afterlife, but it did.. you still couldn't smell or taste certain things. Your body would still be shaky, and you would have really bad coughing fits, and you were always cold, but I guess that wouldn't be so bad in hell.

Here you were, you had come so far, learned not to show how you were hurting and how you were affected. You sat quietly on the other side of zestial watching velvette get all up in carmilla's face. You used the heels of your feet to push your chair back, making it scratch against the floor, making a loud noise. And suddenly, all eyes were on you, and you took a deep breath. "This meeting is going nowhere, so if you have nothing to share velvette, you can leave." You said sternly, your eyes narrowing in on velvette's figure.

Velvette let out a sharp breath through her nose and smirked, looking at you walking across the table and crouching in front of you. "Awwe you got something to hide like that old wench?" Velvette mused, raising an eyebrow. "I have nothing to hide and neither does she, now I won't repeat myself, if you have nothing to share, I highly suggest you leave the fucking meeting" you repeated leaning against the palm on your hands that were resting on the table. You stayed level-headed despite your thoughts becoming clouded with the anger of being accused.

Velvette let out a hum standing up. "Fine, you old hags are boring," she grumbled, walking out of the room. You calmly sat down. "Unless we have anything to share, I think this overlord meeting is over," you spoke up, looking at carmilla for support in your statement . Carmilla cleared her throat "yes I agree the next meeting will be the week after the extermination, be safe," carmilla said, dismissing everyone. Zestial stood from his seat putting his hand on carmilla's shoulder as everyone left, "we should talk thou needs seems..." zestial hesitated a bit, you stood up pushing your chair in carefully, "you're a bit pissy carmilla and something tells me velvette was correct about you knowing what happened to the angel." You spoke up "you and zestial can go ahead and talk about it I'll wait in here"

Soon, a week had passed, and it was extermination day. You had been dreading it and had chosen to stick with zestial and carmilla. You and zestial were sitting together drinking tea. You were quiet just sipping from your cup. Zestial looked up at you. "How doth the tea tastes? Doth it live up to thy colors?"(how does the tea taste? Does it live up to your standards?"). You looked up at zestial that was sitting across the table from you, you thought for a moment.. You couldn't really taste the tea, so you had to improvise. You remember him mentioning that it was an orange blend tea , "it has a nice citrus flavor," you said quite sure of yourself Zestial nodded, staying quiet, carmilla put a hand on your shoulder gently, "we need to talk.. about what velvette said.. about you hiding something, she stopped by with something. " carmilla spoke to you calmly. You could feel the anxiety coursing through your veins at those words, "Let's step aside, ok?" Carmilla said, grabbing your arm carefully. You nodded and set your tea cup down on the saucer quietly, your breath was shaky, your tongue felt like it was too big for your mouth, like your throat was swelling. You were getting tunnel vision as carmilla led you to her office, your feet were simply carring your body, you didn't feel like you were really there. Carmilla sat you down on her couch carefully. "Love, you need to breathe... you really need to breathe, " carmila said calmly, crouching down in front of you, rubbing your arms and gently trying to ground you, "tell me five things you can see.. ok?" Carmilla said carefully. You nod slowly, your mind taking a few minutes to compute with her words, "uhm.. you.... your desk.. the floor.. the couch.. " You looked around trying to find another object.. "The picture frame.." carmilla smiled and nodded."That's it.. and what color is the picture frame?" She asked sweetly, "it's black?" You asked suddenly confused, carmilla chuckled a bit "yea that's right.. are you feeling better?" You paused realizing she had forced you to calm down. "Yea.. yea I do..." you smiled at her a bit, "so uhm now I can ask this, what the fuck is covid?" Carmilla asked genuinely confused.

That extermination wasn't bad at all, you guys talked and she was really understanding, even after velvette shared how "weak" you were all over social media, carmilla almost opened a spot for a new member of the Vee's.

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thebetawolfgirl · 1 year ago

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Could you do one where the reader and Timmy are co stars and the leading roles in WONKA and they’re doing press tour and stuff and the whole internet ships them but he’s dating Kylie. Kylie and y/n had something like big beef years ago , so when she finds out that Kylie is attending their wonka premiere, she decides to stop press tour completely , I just like some drama idk and I love your writinggg 🤍🤍

A/N: This isn’t my best work but I hope you enjoy it nevertheless! Thank you so much for all your support!!!

Dream Come True

Pairing: Timmy x Reader

Warnings: None. Just pure fluff and a little bit of angst.

Dream come True

Y/n met Timmy when they were cast as the leading roles in the new movie ‘Wonka’ telling the origin story of the famous Chocolatier Willy Wonka and they hit it off right away. They spent nearly every day together between takes talking about movies, literature and food, they would debate art and history, Timmy was intelligent and had a certain view of the world she had never seen in anyone else her age. He was sensitive and had passion, he was also very giving with his fans, he would stand and talk to them and listen to them. It was during Covid so he couldn’t get too close to anyone on the outside, which meant the only people they both saw was the rest of the cast and each other.

She stayed with him when he came back to work after his grandmother passed away as he lay in her arms breaking his heart. They had become close.

When Covid ended and he was able to do press finally for Dune, she sent him a quick message to wish him good luck and he replied with a heart emoji.

Now it was 2023 and they were finally able to do a bit of press for Wonka together, they were excited to talk about this project finally, everyone adored them together and the internet was shipping them together already, but of course he had already been spotted out with Kylie Jenner. Much to y/n’s disapproval, she didn’t like the girl but she had no right to tell Timmy who he should be dating. It wasn’t her business.

Timmy noticed how y/n would become distant with him whenever they were together and Kylie showed up, he didn’t like it. He hated not having y/n around him, he knew she and Kylie had a history long ago but he didn’t think she would completely distance herself from him. After his beloved grandmother passed away she was like his rock keeping him anchored as he drowned in his grief, now that Kylie was constantly around him, she wasn’t. And it was making him antsy, so much so in fact when she bailed out of one of their many press interviews for Wonka everyone around him could tell he was agitated because y/n wasn’t by his side. She claimed she had fallen unwell and lost her voice from all the talking and was taking a break.

When she came back he was fine again and back to his usual chatty goofy self.

When it came closer for the world premiere for Wonka in LA Timmy’s management came to him and said Kylie would be joining him on the red carpet for at least two of the premiers and he sighed burying his face in his hands.

He heard through the wall in the next suite y/n going crazy after hearing the news.

‘Is she that fucking desperate for attention that she needs to go to a premier for a children’s movie?! Talk about fucking creep factor! Will she be in the Chanel commercial too, or is this the only thing of Timothée’s she wants to destroy with her existence?’

She was so upset and furious. She sent Kylie a text telling if this movie flopped because of her, she would make her life a living Hell then turned off her phone. She told her publicist to send for her car, she was done with the whole tour and she was going home.

She saw Timmy’s agent in the hallway looking at her with regretful eyes and stormed past his shoulder. ‘I hope this little act was worth the money, she’s going to destroy his career he’s worked so hard for.’ She walked to the elevator and left without saying goodbye to any of the cast or to Timmy.

Timmy had been doing publicity work when he heard about y/n leaving and walking away from the rest of the tour and was devastated.

But when the night of the premiere arrived and y/n was nowhere to be seen he asked around thinking maybe she was just running late, but when his publicist told him with a nervous air that y/n had pulled out of coming to the premier as well as the tours Timmy went pale feeling himself falling back.

He felt Hugh and Olivia grab his arms lowering him into the chair as someone went to get him a glass of water, he buried his face between his legs as he felt his chest tighten.

He needed y/n here, he needed to see her face when the noise got to much for him she was the only one who could calm his nerves with her soothing words. She wasn’t happy about Kylie he knew that, she told him countless times that he could do so much better than her, he deserves so much better than her.

It was always her though, Timmy realised as he drank his water.

The premier came and went he did the whole arm around Kylie looking in love charade, when really he couldn’t stand her. The longer he looked at her the more his stomach turned. How had he not seen how fake this woman was, how vapid! No wonder he couldn’t think straight after being with her, it wasn’t lust his brain cells were dying, gasping out for some sort of stimulation.

No wonder after every conversation with Kylie he would call y/n to just to contradict her about something she said just to rile her up and have a healthy debate with her.

After the premier he ditched Kylie and locked himself in his hotel room and tried to call y/n but the phone just rang out, so he tried to message her and it said her phone was now switched off. He tried to Skype her on his laptop but that was disconnected. He slammed his laptop down getting annoyed, if she thought she could ignore him and he would just leave her alone she was wrong. He changed into his sweats and his hoodie with his baseball cap and grabbed his car keys before sneaking out of the hotel.

He knew where she lived, he remembered her telling him how she had inherited her grandfather’s ranch where she grew up as a little girl. It was out in the California countryside, a place surrounded by beautiful trees and mountains. It was still light for some reason, LA he guessed rolling his eyes. He drove along the road and he knew he was getting close when the desert become more leafy and he was suddenly surrounded by autumn trees, he smiled and came to farmlands and turned into a beautiful driveway dusted with fallen leaves and fenced off grasslands for the horses to graze on, he looked out his window and saw the stunning backdrop of mountains and and greenery.

He parked outside the house and got out of his car. His fancy wheels looked stupid in these surroundings. He looked around in amazement taking everting in, from the fresh air around him to the house and the huge mountains in the background and the horses grazing in the fields beyond. He couldn’t believe he was still in California. Maybe, Montana or somewhere in Arizona.

He understood why y/n loved this place so much, what happy memories she must have made here with her grandparents, he turned as he heard the door open and out she stepped looking at him. Dear God she was stunning, he had saw her all glammed up and he saw her all messy and covered in chocolate and mud and he had even saw her in her pyjamas when he showed up at her hotel room late one night, but he had never saw her like this.

She was wearing a pair of old torn jeans, covered in some sort of white stuff like powder, she must have been baking, and an off the shoulder knit sweater and her light brown hair was in a messy side braid. Her bangs were whipping around her face, as she walked up to him shoving her hands in her pockets.

‘Timmy? What are you doing here? I thought you would be at the after party?’

‘I’m sorry, I am so so sorry. I was a total dick to you!’ He blurted out before he could stop himself and she blinked at him.

He looked around, spreading his arms wide ‘This just proves my theory!’

She smiles stepping closer to him ‘What theory is that?’

‘That you’re definitely an angel, because this,’ he gestures around him. ‘This is Heaven!’

She smiles watching him look around him.

‘I could see myself spending my out my life here,’ he looked her in the eyes ‘With you. I could see me spending my life here with you.’

She takes a deep breath looking at him. ‘Is that what you came all the way out here to tell me?’

‘No, actually I drove out here to confront you about ignoring me tonight and argue with you. Tell you, Plato was an idiot and the Yankees suck ass!’

She glared before raising her eyebrow looking at him ‘And now?’

He sighed shoving his hands in his pockets ‘Well I can’t very well yell at you now.’

‘The Yankees are a great team by the way.’

He scoffed rolling his eyes and she raised her eyebrows. ‘Because the Knicks did so great this season?’

‘Hey! They did their best okay!’

‘My ass they did their best!’ She turned and walked back towards the house and he followed her immediately almost automatically.

He closed the door behind him and stepped inside the cozy house and looked around, there were family photos of different generations scattered along the wall, he saw a picture of y/n in her graduation robes holding her diploma.

‘What did you study?’

‘Before becoming an actor I wanted to work with animals. So I studied veterinary science.’

‘Wow.’ He muttered under his breath as he looked at all of the family photos and saw a picture of a young girl on a horse holding a large trophy.

‘Hey who’s the little girl on the horse with the trophy?’ He called to her in the kitchen.

‘Oh that’s me. I came in first place in the equestrian event. My papa was so proud that he was actually crying.’ She came back with two bottles of his favourite beer and handed him one, smiling at the photos. He watched her closely as he sipped his beer ‘What was your grandfather like?’

She looked at him and smiled ‘You’re the first person to ever ask me what he was like.’

He smiled and waited. ‘He was always smiling, always singing. He liked putting the radio and dancing with grandma around the kitchen. He taught me how to dance too.’ She looked up at Timmy smiling before frowning ‘When grandma died he was never the same again, I think a little bit of him died when she did. The thing that killed him most, I think was that none of the family came to the funeral. I skipped school and took a bus using my lunch money to go. All the other families from the neighbouring ranches came but her own children didn’t come. I moved in here after graduation, I told my parents to stay away, invited my grandpa instead. Haven’t spoken to them since his funeral eight years ago.’

She sighed as Timmy listened intently without interrupting. He knew she had been keeping this bottled up for years. All of the love and pride she felt for her grandparents, the hurt and the shame of her family not paying their respects and her total determination with her loyalty towards her grandparents. No wonder the old man left his entire life to his granddaughter. She was the only who cared enough to stay.

‘I’m sorry y/n.’ He wrapped his arm around her shoulder to comfort her.

‘Your parents sound like assholes. If you don’t mind me saying.’

She shook her head closing her eyes and smirked ‘Not at all. You’re right on the dot. They are assholes. When I made it to the big time they contacted me, wanting to ‘make amends’ I told them to go fuck themselves. After how they treated my grandparents I’m not interested.’

She turned to him and buried her head in his chest wrapping her arms around his waist ‘You’re actually the first person I’ve ever told that story.’

He was shocked as he wrapped his arms around her back he had heard she wasn’t the most trusting person. In fact he heard rumour about how hard she was to work with, she wasn’t good at taking orders and she barely spoke to anyone on set. But Timmy had seen her with fans, she would spend ages with the kids and the elderly, she always made sure was allowed the same lunch hour the actors had. She remembered the names of crew members asking one how their daughter enjoyed her first day of school, she even asked one of his grandmother was getting better.

He took her over to the couch and sat down with her holding her close as she lay against his chest.

He would break it off with Kylie, he didn’t care if he had to pay a big fine for terminating the contract, it would be worth it if he could be with y/n.

The fact that he could already hear the echo of their children running around the house and eventually their grandchildren, was huge. He never envisioned his future with anyone before. But with y/n, he saw himself spending the rest of his life on this ranch with this kind, beautiful woman and one day their children.

Y/n looked up seeing Timmy lost in thought and reached up to kiss his jaw, ‘penny for your thoughts?’

He looked down at her and blinked at feeling her lips on his skin ‘I don’t want to freak you out or scare you.’

She reached up and kissed his jawline again ‘You won’t, please tell me.’

‘I was thinking about our future. A-and I was picturing our children and our grandchildren running all about this house.’

He blushed and looked down and she sat on his lap lifting his face to make him look at her. ‘Are we married or do we live like hippies?’ She smiled and pecked his lips before he deepened the kiss leaning forward. ‘No, we’re definitely married until we’re old and grey, and calling the cops on each other because we can’t remember who the other one is.’ She laughed against his lips at his strange narrative of their future, she pulled away before standing and taking his hand to guide him upstairs to her bedroom.

They didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but they were ready for whatever would be thrown their way. They met on a movie based on following your dreams, and they ended up being each other’s dream come true!

@sufferingstarlight

@gatoenlaciudad

@kteezy997

@lixzey

@tchalamess

@mel-vaz

#lil timmy tim #timothèe chalamet #timothée hal chalamet #timmy x reader #timothée chalamet #angst with a happy ending #timothee chalamet fluff

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fuctacles · 9 months ago

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For @steddielovemonth day 12th prompt by @acasualcrossfade

M | 1383 | cw: trans pregnancy | modern AU, ftmEddie

Steve wakes up and does the first logical thing that all people do. Checks his phone.

He blinks at the bright screen trying to decipher his notifications and sighs when he realizes the group chat is flooded with messages. It’s nothing new, although it never hit 99+ before. He scrolls up to catch up with whatever his friends have been up to at night. Wonders if he’s the only one that uses nighttime for rest.

He’s groggy with sleep and as he passes through the chat log, he’s struggling to make sense of the messages he’s seeing.

>>How about a gender-neutral one?

>>I vote Elrond!

>>WHO’S GONNA BE THE GODPARENTS

He scrolls and scrolls and finally reaches The Photo. And things, unfortunately, start to make sense.

It’s a photo of a pregnancy test.

He immediately goes to his chat with Eddie. Tries to type a message, fails, and hits the call button. It takes a considerable amount of time for Eddie to pick up.

“The fuck do you want?” he growls upon answering, voice thick and distant. Steve clearly just woke him up but he couldn’t give two shits about it right now.

“Why didn’t you tell me first? Wait, is it not mine? No, wait, you can tell whoever you want, of course, but, is it mine?”

“What?” Eddie sounds tired and angry which, fair, it’s 7 AM, not his usual waking hour.

“We skipped the condom a couple of times, but you said it’s not possible, not with all the hormones you’re taking. I’m not mad, I’m not panicking, I just need to know.” Okay, maybe he was panicking a bit, but not bad panicking. It’s just not something he’s prepared for. Is he ready to be a dad? Would Eddie want him to be the dad? Would Eddie want to be a dad? Would he even want to—?

“Shit, fuck, do you want it? Are you okay with your body doing… this? Are you okay?”

“Okay, deep breath, please.” Eddie sounds much more awake now and Steve follows his instruction, anxiously awaiting answers. “I’m not okay; I feel, frankly, betrayed by my body, but I think we’re talking about two different things. Why did you call me? So early, may I add?”

Eddie’s calm. So Steve can be as well. He breathes in and out.

“I saw the group chat. The photo?” He bites his lip. Maybe Eddie hoped he wouldn’t see it at all?

“What? Hold on.”

Steve holds, listening to the shuffling on the other end. He hears the springs on Eddie’s bed creak and thinks it’s finally time to get him a new mattress. Or, if Eddie is up to it, move in together.

He flinches when the soft shuffling of the bedspread is broken by a loud snort, followed by manic laughter.

Wasn’t it too early for mood swings?

“Stevie, baby,” Eddie finally wheezes out.

“Yes?” He perks up, eager for answers and hopeful from hearing the pet name.

“Please put on your glasses and look at the photo again,” is all Eddie says, before bursting back into laughter.

Steve frowns but reaches for his glasses, resting on their usual spot on his bedside table. Once secured on his nose, he opens the chat again and goes straight to the media folder to open the photo in question. He squints his eyes at it.

It’s a covid test, clear as day.

“You’re not pregnant,” he deadpans.

“Nope. Just good old corona.”

“Shit.”

Steve falls on his pillow, completely drained from the emotional rollercoaster. He thinks about calling in sick. He’s too humiliated to show his face to the world and, besides, how is he supposed to teach kids when he’s such a dumb idiot himself?

“And, for the record,” Eddie continues once his chuckles subside, unaware of Steve’s inner turmoil. “I would tell you first, and it would be yours. It’s just been you for a while and I’ve never fucked without a condom before.”

Steve did not know that. He slaps a hand over his mouth so no embarrassing sounds come out at the revelation.

“But yeah, it wouldn’t be possible on my current hormone cocktail. And I don’t think I’d ever be prepared for a little alien growing inside me. It’s one thing to say fuck gender norms for one day and wear a dress and another to completely overturn my body’s ecosystem for a year, maybe more, without turning back.”

“Yeah,” Steve nods because that’s all he can do. He knows a lot about Eddie’s body by this point, but possible pregnancy is not something that comes up in daily conversations.

“Besides, I’ve been talking with my doctors about getting an oophorectomy, so that will be off the table soon anyway.”

Steve frowns, not liking the sound of that but not wanting to assume anything. Again.

“What’s that?” he asks instead.

“Ovaries removal,” Eddie answers easily. “So the hormones they produce don’t fuck with my T shots.”

“Huh.” It will never cease to both anger and amaze Steve how much trans people have to go through to be themselves. “Makes sense, I guess.”

“Mhm. How are you feeling?”

Steve frowns at his ceiling.

“Me? You’re the one with covid.” The fact suddenly, finally, sinks in. “Shit, how long will you be quarantined?”

“Just a week, don’t worry. But I’m asking because you kind of deflated there.”

Steve huffs.

“My boyfriend has covid, of course I’m—”

“No, I mean, are you disappointed you didn’t put a baby in me?”

Steve chokes on saliva and air, and has to sit up on his bed to take a proper breath.

“Eddie,” he wheezes out in a warning, his face going beet red.

“Are you?” he presses.

“I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Open cards, baby. It’s not on the table, but I won’t be mad if you want it.”

Steve sighs. He worries this kind of thing might break their relationship. It was a topic he avoided, not only with Eddie, but with others he dated before him. Not many people their age are ready for kids talk, for a commitment like that.

“Yeah. Sorry.” Sorry if it’s a deal breaker.

“Don’t be sorry. Nothing bad about wanting to knock up your boyfriend.”

“Eddie.” This time his warning comes with an amused breath.

“What? Just because I won’t do it doesn’t mean I can’t play along.” He can hear him smirk from the other end of town where Eddie’s apartment is. “It’s no condom town, baby, from now on. I want all your cum inside, pushing it deeper with your fingers when you pull out. I’ll keep it inside while we watch TV. And then we’ll go again and again until it catches. Until you give me the baby you want so much.”

Steve whines, eyes closed and imagination running wild.

“Shit, I’m so wet. Didn’t know I have a breeding kink. Huh.”

“Jesus Christ Eddie, you can’t do this to me at the beginning of your quarantine!”

“Well, you’re the one who brought up kids! Which, I think we should have a serious talk about once I’m back in the world.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighs, and presses his eyes closed with resignation. He should have seen it coming. He loves Eddie, which is exactly why he’s been avoiding the topic of a future together, of kids, of a family.

“Yeah, sorry I’ve been holding back but I think I’m ready to make this serious if you are.”

Steve makes a sound. Questioning and confused because it’s all he can give him now.

“I know it’s a long shot, but we could adopt, or find a surrogate. I can wear a belly if it does it for you? Dunno, we’ll figure something out. If you want to, of course.” He’s rambling, which is a sure sign that he’s being sincere.

“I want to,” Steve assures him quickly. He is so relieved, so excited and full of love, that he’s about to cry. “I love you so much.” And there it is, his voice is already shaking, eyes wet.

“I love you too, baby,” Eddie coos back. “Now, can we get back to the horny part? I know you have to get up for work soon.”

Steve laughs at that, hand promptly sliding down his body.

“Yeah, let’s.”

#covid au #inspired by markiplier #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #mine #ff #steddielovemonth #st #stranger things 4 #steddie fanfiction #modern au #ftm eddie munson #trans eddie munson #transmasc eddie munson #cw: trans pregnancy #cw: pregnancy #tw: pregnancy

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ikkleosu · 2 months ago

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Is Isabelle a "fix it fic" for Leah?

(Running back to my first love tumblr because I will not pay Elon to use more words)

So with the release of Isabelle's character bio, confirming Isabelle has romantic feelings for Daryl, it leads me to think more about what I've been suspecting for some time - that Isabelle's story was created to redo the Leah arc from s11, but this time do it right.

So, when we look at the Leah story from Find Me, it's very clear to most people that there was a story there that was meant to go someplace, relating to Carol and Daryl's relationship, that for whatever reason got canned.

There's the obvious parallels they drew with Carol and Leah (repeated dialogue etc), there's the knife that passed from Leah to Daryl to Carol and we were told was going to be significant - and was then never mentioned again. And of course, there's the fight at the end of Find Me that was never resolved on screen.

I think it's safe to say that was all leading somewhere, but because of COVID or the show being cancelled or Melissa leaving the spinoff, or some combination we don't know about - the conclusions from the Leah storyline were dropped, and it left a whole lot of unresolved stuff between Carol and Daryl.

We know Melissa and Norman have both talked about wanting the spin-off to delve into stuff from the main show that wasn't dealt with, and to give time to stuff they felt was rushed over. It's not much of a leap to assume the Leah story is one of those things, especially when we know form Angela Kang's own words that Norman was VERY MUCH not a fan of the Leah plot. So much so he asked for Daryl to kill her at the end of the Reaper arc.

So what if, the Leah storyline was intended to give us greater insight into the Caryl relationship, and specifically Daryl's feelings towards Carol? And Norman, along with the audience was frustrated that instead Leah just killed everything he's said about Daryl's attitude to love and sex, for absolutely no reason.

It's easy then to understand why Norman might want a redo of that chance to tell a similar story but with the resolution that was originally intended.

And so, we have Isabelle. Now, obviously, she's a very different character to Leah... but really, is she?

Both have fallen into a religious cult that helps them deal with their own trauma, and gives them a sense of family they were missing.

Both adopted their sister's child as their own (Leah lost hers, but Isabelle is drive by protecting hers)

Both manipulate Daryl and lie to him to keep him by their side.

Both, ultimately, ask Daryl to make a choice between going back to his family, or staying with them.

I think these similarities are deliberate. And I suspect there will be more similarities once we see season 2 - it looks as if they are both held captive by Genet, and may have similar through the wall conversations to Daryl and Leah when the Reapers held him captive.

So if we assume this is deliberate, we can also assume dialogue references are deliberate. Isabelle tells Daryl she doesn't need a hero - a line that goes back to Leah saying he always has to be the hero, and Carol saying she didn't need a hero during the fight in Find Me.

We also have the starts of the "making it right" dialogue when Isabelle asks Daryl if he could be happy there, and he says he doesn't know if this is where he should be - like Leah asking him where he belonged and he was unsure, but then said "I belong with you". This time, Daryl isn't going to ever say "I belong with you" to Isabelle, because as he said in Find Me he knows where he belongs.

Isabelle having feelings for Daryl is not for nothing. It will - if this speculation is correct - be a chance for things to be set right. If she has feelings she will somehow, at some point, express them. And that is where the storyline will "diverge" (see what I did there?) from the Leah storyline, and this time Daryl will be able to tell Isabelle "why not".

It will resolve the Connie question too, in that way, which was also never answered. Why don't you want to make a move on Connie? And why don't you respond to Isabelle's feelings?

Both are for the same reason, and it feels like this is the chance to finally say it.

I should add that

a) i suspect this will be cliffhanger throughout the season, and will play out like "Daryl's promise" from s1 where we won't know the answer, and it will all be opaque until episode 5 or 6

b) My understanding of the whys this might be happening, and why they gave Isabelle romantic feelings for Daryl, does not mean I like it or I would have chosen this route. I would not.

#caryl #twdcaryl #tboc

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jillvalentine · 4 months ago

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re: my relationship with my abuser, currently @/gwendaria (part one?)

[edit: new usernames + accounts since this post has been made: scarymovies, walkingdeads, samcarpenters, the-mummy]

My abusive ex has unfortunately been going full-on with the latest DARVO / smear campaign, and this time it seems to have reached a few people. These callouts are made-up, and they've been popping up continuously in different forms since early 2021 in an attempt to silence or smear me, regardless of their inconsistencies. One second I'm an emotionally abusive gaslighter who they've finally been freed from. The next, I'm someone they don't even know about. The next... I'm a renown stalker. The next... I'm a random girl who got romantically obsessed with them and turned into a terf when I got rejected. The neeeext... I'm a terf stalker racist? Okay! I don't even know anymore. There's definitely more.

I mostly want to focus on the facts. The facts are that I've shared about my experiences enough that I shouldn't have to entertain stupid shit anymore. There will always be the next narrative, more scandalous than the last. Going forward, I just want to make the evidence more accessible so that anyone can find it.

I still have all of our texts, discord logs, whatsapp logs, voicemails, facebook messages, hundreds of screenshots from me and from others (onlookers & other people who have been harmed), and I've become friends with people who have also been friends with or intimate with this person and came out from the other side (some are public and others aren't, because, hey! Look what happened to me after I came out. I have been stalked almost on the hourly for about 4 years now, and I know it won't stop, because I know exactly who my abuser is.)

About 3 years have passed now, so a lot of the 'big' conversations or screenshots I shared earlier on when I spoke out about what had happened to me have been buried in time. (but they are, still there.)

Screenshots where they ragged on and on about my friends, about me being naïve and that I'd know better when I was "a real adult" like them, telling me to drop dead, telling me about slitting their wrists, telling me that someone was messaging them about 'cumming on my face' after I posted (1) selfie. Blocking me everywhere for a bit over that selfie. Unblocking me. Yelling at me. Blocking and unblocking me again because I said something about how they were being awful to me. Rinse and repeat with the next insane shit.

This was during covid lockdown, and it was 24/7. I couldn't fucking breathe. I got questioned about going to the supermarket with my mom. I got mindfucked for not explicitly saying I was back home when I said I was getting the mail, under the guise of caring so much about me, of course.

One time, I sent a snap of these leggings I liked online. Because the photo sent as a file instead of a normal-full-screen-just-taken snap, it became a whole argument of "Did you share this with anyone else?" and I would be like... what would be wrong if I did? Why is it wrong for me to send a photo of some leggings I think look good to a friend to get her opinion? A lot of conflict happened this way. They were incredibly controlling and suffocating, all under the claims of past trauma, undiagnosed mental illness, and most of all - flowery apologies or proclamations.

I used to think I was able to push through anything that happened because they would apologize to me, and it made it okay again. I genuinely thought they just needed someone to give them a chance to heal and get better, or get back to how they used to be early on in the relationship. I wanted to be that someone, I wanted to be strong enough to take all of it and be okay at the end. It gradually got worse, and I found myself trapped in the relationship. Anytime I was close to getting away, I would get drawn back with push-and-pull manipulation tactics. If I had pulled away to recover from their mistreatment, I was then the one apologizing for having had to pull away, and how bad that pulling away had affected them. How awful I was and how much I regretted being affected by anything. I would blame anything else (it wasn't you, it was my own anxiety) to make things calm down.

I didn't see any of this coming from the start. It was a gradual process. Near the end, I was googling things about how to fix toxic relationships (it didn't work because the relationship wasn't a two-way street, it was abusive), trying to think for 5 different people to avoid outbursts, trying to explain away how someone might gaslight and manipulate others without it being fully conscious and intended. I found out it was 100% intentional when I got out. They were telling others that I was doing to them what they were doing to me, along with a bunch of other bullshit to pre-emptively plant seeds.

Gwen frequently tries to use the worst buzz words to create stories and alienate people from one another. She doesn't care about any social issues. What she likes or dislikes is entirely based on what she needs to get out of a situation. If someone she's fixating on positively likes xyz thing, she likes it too. If someone she's fixating on negatively likes or dislikes something, she'll do the opposite. She constantly invented stories and tried to frame people I'd known for years, or anyone who dared to interact with my posts anywhere. She literally impersonated people and had accounts hacked. All she does is obsess over people. She constantly monitored me and created conflict over anything, real or made up. She especially liked to create conflict when it was late, or when I was otherwise not-fully-there, like when I was drugged following a surgery. I was so out-of-it that at that point I didn't want to fight for myself or others anymore.

Near the end of the relationship, I had a private account that I would hide on because social media, and really anything social, had become a minefield. Multiple people had witnessed the change from before the relationship, the start of it, up to the end. I deactivated my main twitter for a period of time (although I was careful enough to reactivate it once every 30 days so it wouldn't be permanently lost) and had to ignore people, stop myself from posting or liking things, and plead with people not to mention anything about me because I would have to answer for it. Multiple people remember me asking them to delete certain posts, or just be careful not to give out that I was doing anything with them. I was abnormal and an immature adult for wanting to spend a bit of time with or buy a gift for my friend on their birthday. We had an age gap, and at first, it was all "you're probably more mature than me :)" - until it turned to Real Adults Don't Spend Time With Friends, lol. Real adults are 100% focused on their partner. Real adults aren't on social media, and other thinly-veiled degradation + mindfuckery. Funny how my age became a bad thing, but they were the experienced 29-year-old who knowingly pursued the inexperienced 23-year-old.

Near the end of the relationship, I was starting to hide away to spend more time with people who treated me well, and it helped me get out. I saw that the way I felt every day wasn't normal. It reminded me of what good relationships are like and what they feel like. My friends tried their best to be supportive, but it was very difficult because my partner was trying very hard to isolate me from them through threats, aggression and manipulation. I'm incredibly lucky that they stayed by my side and told me that what was happening wasn't normal.

Getting out was hard. Staying out was hard. Even after everything that happened, following the split, I told my friends I didn't know what I would do if they tried to get me back again. SO fucking glad that's over.

#abuse cw #gwendaria #WORD vomit #unfortunately this is just the surface like so fucking much happened with this person lol.#scarymovies #walkingdeads #samcarpenters #the-mummy #new urls since this post has been made

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drtanner · 10 months ago

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Genuinely wish I had the energy to talk more about UK politics here given that Tumblr is so US-centric and desperately needs the added perspective, but there's genuinely fuck all happening here that hasn't been par for the course for the last ~14 years. Tories gonna Tory.

A brief rundown for interested parties:

After a long and arduous battle to convince everyone that it should be legal to do so, our government has commenced with its plan to shove asylum seekers who attempt an extremely dangerous Channel crossing on small boats to find safety here onto planes and ship them off to Rwanda, a country with significant human rights issues. There does not seem to be any desire to do anything about the "criminal gangs" who are supposedly trafficking these asylum seekers and sending them here, or to ask any questions about what might make people so desperate that they'd risk crossing the Channel in a tiny boat in the first place.

Having sent everyone back to the office despite COVID still very much being a thing so that we can oil the wheels of the UK economy with our blood and to prevent their portfolios from losing value, the same ghouls are now proposing that disabled people "do their duty" by being forced to work from home, or else lose their benefits. They're also proposing mandatory work placements for people who fail to find work within 18 months.

Transphobia remains the culture war du jour, despite all evidence showing that it is a vote loser. Our government continues to be obsessed with policing the genitals of children and ensuring that trans people receive abuse from every possible direction, having recently released "guidance" for schools that essentially instructs them to deny trans kids any kind of shelter or agency whatsoever and to refuse their requests for basic dignity whenever the opportunity to do so arises, whilst simultaneously attempting to introduce the term "gender ideology" into mainstream parlance.

The Online Safety Bill, which proposes that social media sites should require ID in order to sign up, is also a porn ban.

We (and the US) are still bombing people in another country, without it having been approved by vote beforehand, in order to prevent Israel from suffering any economic hardship while it continues to commit a genocide using weapons that we (and the US) provide. Our government assures us that this will continue for as long as Israel wants it to, and is still talking about "humanitarian pauses" instead of any kind of actual, real ceasefire.

Labour (the supposed "opposition" party) has wholeheartedly supported every part of this and in some cases seems to think that the current government doesn't go far enough.

We're still in the middle of a cost of living crisis, by the way. Also the climate crisis, with more and more people losing their homes and livelihoods to flooding with every passing year. No one's talking about any of that, though. There might be a transgender child receiving lifesaving healthcare somewhere, or maybe an immigrant being treated with respect, which is obviously much worse.

So that's where we are right now. We've been promised an election this year but given that Labour haven't opposed any part of the cruelty this government has been visiting upon everyone but the white, cishet, ablebodied rich, it's unclear whether getting the Tories out will actually materially improve anything. If you've got the Greens or Lib Dems as candidates in your constituency, I guess it's time to make peace with voting for them instead of Labour, maybe.

So, yeah. v( ._.)v

#Tanner talks #UK politics

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pixelatedraindrops · 6 months ago

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RAINCODE 4KOMA COMIC PROJECT

This is another project that I'm currently working on with @kazinsblog! We adore makoyuma and they're our number one faves.

So we decided to make a little 4koma style side special of Kazin's mini series "The Kanai Ward Case Files"

This intro is the only normal comic in this story.

Prologue: Flu season hits worldwide, and Makoto calls Yuma one day and gives him the warning. Yuma notices his congested voice so he wants to head to to Kanai Ward to check on him. But meanwhile, Yuma is trying his best to hold his cough as he talks on the line. Only to suffer the fit after Makoto hangs up. He isn't well either.

When Yuma arrives in Kanai Tower finding Makoto completely disheveled and passed out at his work desk, he ushers the stuffy CEO to bed. The two were shown pushing themselves while being sick alone. But now that they're together, these stubborn workaholics will finally rest and break from their duties in order to take care of each other. (for the most part anyway)

further information below

Of course since I'm involved in this project, they're obviously not going to be doing well... XD But this story is going to be a lot more fun and lighthearted than others I have written. (It's essentially written in a silly sick filler episode of a cartoon kind of vibe) meaning less whump, and more sick comfort and hilarity. There may be a few somewhat whumpy ones here and there (I can't resist) but it won't be as common.

Full Story Summary:

This RainCode fan side story revolves around slice of life comedy 4koma style strips with scenes of Yuma and Makoto being sick together and spending time with each other in Kanai Tower for about a week or two. They both have different halves of cold symptoms, Yuma with throat based, and Makoto with nasal based. (hence the title) Various cute and wacky stuff happen between the two and their bond grows stronger spending this time off together away from their duties as detective and CEO. They may be sick and miserable, but at least they're in it together! What could possibly go wrong?

The comic strips will be drawn by Kazin, but there will be some bonus art that the two of us will work on together (similar to the title which was a collab by us both)

Also, both of us agreed that these strips should be posted on my blog rather than Kazin's. Reason being is that this story is based on illness and my blog is half an illness blog so it makes more sense to share it to mine. You all likely expect this sort of thing from me at this point anyway… XD (I’m also the director so I write the descriptions of them.)

And this series will continue to be ongoing so long as Kazin and I have ideas. (we currently have almost 100 strips planned)

I will update this in separate posts whenever more strips get fully digitally drawn by Kazin whenever she can work on them. With the tag #kanaiwardcasefiles h&h. Some strips will be random, some will be two parters, and some will have a timeline or are connected to others.

We both hope you look forward to this project! There will be a lot of funny and cute moments between these two, so we hope you makoyuma enjoyers are excited!

Also bit of a fun fact: This was inspired by when my mother and I had covid late April 2024. Something similar happened to us, and we each had one cold-like symptom more than the other. (her with coughing and me with congestion) So I thought of this idea for these two!

#whumpcode #rain code #master detective archives: rain code #rain code spoilers #master detective archives spoilers #yuma kokohead #makoto kagutsuchi #makoyuma #pixelprojects #art collab #comic collab #kanaiwardcasefiles h&h #sick comfort #illness whump #yeah another project is anybody shocked? xD #kazin and I have had this on the brain since late last month #the idea of one caring for the other is nice and all #but what if they BOTH went through it and had to care for eachother?#the perfect reason to take a break from their hard work :3c #ofc with their weak immune system they both get sick during flu season haha #also them having separate symptoms is just funny #both have the same disease but different symptoms #i like to think the penalty of having one half missing means the other gets AMPLIFIED 😈#thats just a fun concept and it works for these two x3 #now this isn’t canon so don’t take it too seriously!!#its just for fun! we’re just playing around! x3c #its the exact opposite of AHR… x’D #but yeah it’ll get updated whenever more get done #theres no exact date so just be patient and expect the unexpected!!#making the title was so fun!! >w<

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justagalwhowrites · 8 months ago

Text

Halcyon - Ch. 7: It'll Be Nice to Feel Wanted for a Change

You and Joel decide your next steps. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 6, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

^I keep using Pedro gifs instead of Joel gifs because Joel is such a baby in this fic I'm sorry 😭

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Diet culture type language. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 7.3K

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“Told you, I have connections.”

Joel rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee, watching as the kids on the soccer field changed directions.

“Still feel like business school is overkill,” he said, putting the travel mug in the cupholder of his folding chair. “Especially at this point… GET ‘EM BABY GIRL!”

Sarah stole the ball from a girl on the other team and dodged another girl before starting to charge up field, a serious look on her face.

“GO SARAH!” You jumped up and screamed, cupping your hands around your mouth. Sarah got pinned down and looked around before passing the ball, sending the it between two defenders to another player. Her teammate got the ball and sent it careening toward the goal before the other team could change direction. It sailed in and Joel leapt to his feet, the two of you jumping and clapping. “HECK YEAH!”

Sarah beamed at the two of you before she went to hug the girl who scored. You and Joel sat back down as play started back up. The coffee had spilled some in his excitement, the fabric arm of the chair wet.

“Now is the time to do the business school thing,” you said as you leaned forward on your thighs, watching the game intently, your hands clasped together and tucked between your knees. “And besides, it’s not actual business school. It’s… business school light. Enough to help you draw up a business plan and that kind of shi…stuff. The kind of stuff that you’ll need if you need to take out money from the bank to get started.”

Joel sighed. He knew you were right, he just wasn’t crazy about the idea.

After you’d had dinner - and nearly devolved into an argument that, in hindsight, Joel really was not ready to have no matter how hard he was pushing for it - the two of you had gone back and forth about what to do next.

Your call shouldn’t have surprised him. You’d always been an academic sort of person, the fact that you’d gotten into some fancy college had come as no surprise to Joel. Of course your first idea involved formal education.

You reached out to a friend of a friend at the business school and got some of his recorded lectures from the era of virtual classes during COVID. He was happy to share them once you explained it, compiling some lectures, notes and guides for Joel to use.

Joel felt bad about putting some stranger out like that but you said he was happy to do it in exchange for an autographed copy of your book.

“I know, it’s crazy,” you’d teased when he looked at you in disbelief. “Should have let me draw on your face that one time, think of how valuable it’d be now…”

Joel just snorted and shook his head.

“Get in there!”

You were on your feet again, watching as Sarah tackled the ball away from another girl. You screamed and jumped when she succeeded and Sarah smiled as she clambered back to her feet.

“Good job, kiddo!” Joel called, still seated but smiling. You got really into Sarah’s games, Joel had quickly learned. He wasn’t about to admit it to you, but he loved it. It reminded him of when you were both in high school, when you’d watch from the front row of the stands during football games, screaming so loud that he could hear you over everyone else at the game. You drew his number on your cheek and bleached it onto a t-shirt. You’d even made Tommy a matching one, something the 10-year-old had taken as a profession of undying love and devotion back then.

The next time you were at the house after giving him the shirt, Tommy sauntered through the kitchen where you and Joel were having a snack, topless, drenched in cologne and hair slicked back. Joel watched you try not to laugh as Tommy leaned on the table in front of you, giving you a cocky smile.

“Hey Goldie,” he said, his voice artificially deep. Joel choked on his Coke and covered it with a cough. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Really?” You asked, brows raised. “Even though I’m here every Saturday afternoon?”

His smile faltered.

“Well… uh…” his eyes darted to Joel, like he was looking for help. Joel just held up his hands. “Just… didn’t expect you to be here looking so good.”

“Oh,” Joel could see the edges of your lips pulling up. “So I don’t normally look good? Darn…”

“No, wait…” he stood up from the table, eyes darting to Joel again. “I don’t… you…”

“Don’t you have a matchbox car to crash or something?” Joel asked. “Stop tryin’ to pick up my girl, little man.”

“Fuck off,” Tommy muttered before stomping back off toward his room.

“I’ll tell mom you said that,” Joel leaned forward and watched his little brother go.

“So I’m your girl now?” You teased once he was out of ear shot. “News to me. And be nice to him, he’s just a kid and he’s a sweetheart.”

“He thinks he’s Don Juanito is what he is,” Joel muttered, sitting back in his seat and taking a sip of his Coke. “You being my girl might be the only way he leaves you alone.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled a little anyway.

“All this trouble because I wanted to support my best friend as he fucked up in the red zone…”

“I’ll tell my mom on your language, too,” he said. “Don’t think she won’t smack you upside your head just because she didn’t birth you. You’re her favorite kid, but don’t push it.”

Tommy had, thankfully, gotten over his crush on you. A fact that Joel was endlessly thankful for now that his part in helping you complete your list included finding you a fucking date.

There was a guy on his team at work he thought would at least be something besides a total waste of time. Blake was a decent man, one of the few on the site who didn’t say disgusting shit about women the second they believed they were among other assholes who thought the same way. Joel had caught him reading once on his lunch break, something that he was sure would be important to you. You’d want someone who read. Joel should read more.

Blake, Joel thought, would be a decent enough guy to set you up with. Not good enough for you - no one was good enough for you - but at least a damn improvement over fucking Brad.

He just hoped it wouldn’t stick.

Not that he wanted you to be alone. He didn’t. He wanted you to be happy. More than almost anything else he wanted you to be happy. He wanted you to have whatever it took to make that happen. But he wasn’t sure how he’d get past working with someone he knew got to kiss you, touch you, fuck you. He’d hear about dates with you and things you enjoyed with a boyfriend and not just your friend. He’d have to hear all about what someone else was doing for you because he couldn’t.

Which was fine. Should be fine. You were his friend, you’d always been his friend. He could love you as a friend, he did love you as a friend, he could get past the other shit. He could.

And if Blake ever decided to try to talk about you the way some of the other assholes they worked with talked about their girlfriends then, well, at least Joel could fucking deck him for it.

“She’s killing it out there,” you settled back into your folding chair and glanced over at Joel.

“She always does,” Joel nodded. “She’s got skills, that girl.”

“She seems to really like it, too,” you said, eyes back on Sarah. “Which is the important thing. If she’s good enough, she could get scholarships and shit. But that really only matters if she also likes it, there’s no use in her being miserable because of the demands of being a student athlete because she happens to be good a sport she doesn’t enjoy…”

“She loves it,” Joel said. “And, honestly, I’m hopin’ that sticks and that she can get a scholarship, lord knows I can’t afford to shell out for college…”

“You can’t now,” you corrected him good naturedly. “But once you become Joel Miller: Entrepreneur and man about town, that’s another story.”

Joel scoffed.

“What?” You asked.

“You’ve just got a lot more faith in me than I do.”

“Aren’t I supposed to?” You asked, looking at him again. “You’re my person so that’s part of my my job. Recognizing your potential.”

“See, just the fact that you think I have potential to recognize…”

“Oh shut up,” you swatted his arm and he laughed a little, watching you watch his daughter run back up the field.

No, Blake didn’t deserve you. No one did. Least of all Joel.

Sarah’s team won the game and she was beaming when she ran over to you and Joel after the post-game huddle.

“Did you see that one steal I did?” She asked, leaning between the front seats of the truck. “It was so cool, I almost missed it but then I got it to Sophie and she was able to score and it was so COOL!”

“Seatbelt,” Joel said. Sarah rolled her eyes but flopped back into her seat and buckled up, anyway. “Thank you. And yes, we saw, Baby Girl! You kicked ass out there.”

“Can ass kickers pick lunch?” She asked.

“Ass kickers can pick lunch,” Joel said. “But ass kickers can’t say ass until they’re at least 13, sorry kiddo.”

“Aw man,” she huffed but then smiled. “I’m gonna swear so much on my 13th birthday…”

“Yeah I bet you are,” he shook is head and caught you trying not to laugh out of the corner of his eye. “Alright, kiddo, where for lunch?”

Joel watched her in the rearview mirror, a serious look on her face as she considered her options.

“Dairy Queen,” she said eventually, nodding seriously. “Because then I can get a Blizzard.”

“Whatever the ass kicker demands,” Joel said.

Sarah ordered a burger with her blizzard before going to find a table. Joel got the steak fingers and a shake and you just stood there, staring up at the menu board with a slight frown on your face.

“What?” Joel asked. “C’mon, it’s a limited menu, can’t be that hard.”

“It’s just been forever since I’ve been to a DQ,” you said absently. “Not sure what to really get…”

“Goldie,” he said, voice serious. You looked at him, frowning. “We both know what you get at Dairy Queen.”

“Yeah, when I was a teenager,” you looked back up at the menu. “Little different now…”

“Not gonna find a salad up there,” he said.

“Yeah, but…”

“Remember how the number one thing on your list was finalize your divorce?” He asked. You looked at him again, brows raised. “Well, this is one part of that you can control. You can ditch all the stupid shit that asshole put in your head, starting with the idea that you can’t get chicken fingers every once in a while.”

He didn’t give you a chance to reply, instead looking to the cashier.

“She’ll do the chicken fingers basket,” Joel said. “With fries. And a medium Reese’s Blizzard.”

“Small,” you corrected him.

“Medium,” he said, looking over at you. “Because we both know I want to eat half of it.”

You laughed a little.

“Medium,” you said.

“Alright,” he said, going to pay.

When the food came out, he took one of your chicken fingers and your eyes went wide.

“Hey!”

“Oh sit tight,” he rolled his eyes and dropped one of his steak fingers in your basket.

“What makes you think I want one of your steak fingers?” You asked, incredulous.

“You always want one of my steak fingers,” he said. “Every time.”

You glared at him for a second.

“Shut up.”

Joel laughed before dropping an onion ring in your basket and swiping a few fries.

“So you guys really hung out all the time before, huh?” Sarah said, eating a fry and watching the two of you from across the table.

“We did,” you smiled at Joel before looking back at Sarah. “We basically lived together, probably drove our moms crazy…”

“Your mom, maybe,” Joel teased. “Mine loved havin’ you around all the time. Said you were a good influence.”

“Because I was,” you teased back.

“So,” Sarah watched you both closely. “Why didn’t I meet you until now? I mean, I met other friends of my dad’s. Did you guys have a fight or something?”

The two of you looked at each other for a second. How the fuck was Joel supposed to explain this to his kid? Yeah, we were friends, and then the two of us decided to have sex and then just stop talking for a decade and a half? Not quite age appropriate.

“Well,” you said, dipping one of your fries in your Blizzard before popping it in your mouth.

“You’re so gross,” Joel said and you rolled your eyes and elbowed him in the side.

“Shove it,” you smiled a little and looked back to Sarah. “We finished high school and I had to move for college and we just kind of stopped talking quite as much, we didn’t do a great job of keeping in touch. We were busy, it just kind of happens when you’re a grown up.”

Sarah crinkled her nose.

“That’s dumb,” she said.

“You’re right,” you smiled a little, looking at Joel. “But adults do dumb things sometimes.”

Sarah nodded slowly, taking a fry and dipping it in her Oreo Blizzard before taking a hesitant bite and chewing thoughtfully. She frowned for a moment before her eyes lit up and she dipped the fry again.

Joel groaned.

“Not you, too…”

“Just gotta get on the French fries in ice cream train, Miller,” you smiled smugly. “Sweet, savory? It’s the best.”

“She’s right, Dad,” Sarah said, dipping another fry. “This is better than ketchup.”

“I’m surrounded by weirdos,” Joel muttered but he couldn’t help smiling a little to himself, watching you and his daughter together, a strange pull at the base of his chest at the sight. This, he thought, was how it was supposed to be. You were meant to be with the two of them, it was obvious. It was almost strange, how clearly he fit with you. He hadn’t felt like there was something distinctly missing over the last decade. He’d gone about his life, raising his daughter, trying to get ahead at work. He bought a house, kept his brother’s nose clean, buried his mother. There had been no distinct sense of absence. He thought of you often - every day, really - and it hurt but it was a dulled pain, a longing for what he had before. He hadn’t known what he’d really been missing, the way things would be with you at the stage of life you were both in now.

But now that he had you here, he wondered how he hadn’t noticed this gaping hole at the center of his reality before. There would be no excising you from him now, it wouldn’t work, the ragged edges of your absence would be too clear in everything he did.

He’d just have to do whatever it took to keep you in his life. Even if that meant setting you up with some guy from work.

“So Sarah,” you said, ripping your chicken finger in half and reaching over to dip it in the gravy in Joel’s basket.

“Hey!”

You ignored him.

“Do you think you can do me a favor?” You continued, eating the chicken tender.

“Sure,” she shrugged. “What do you need?”

“Well,” you said, brushing your hands free of crumbs before taking a sip of your drink. “I was thinking about getting a cat but I have no idea how to pick a cat. Do you think you could come with me to the shelter and help me look? Just make sure I’m finding the right one?”

Her eyes lit up and she looked at Joel.

“Can I Dad?” She begged. “Please? I love cats, they’re so cute, and…”

Joel laughed, draping his arm over the bench behind you. You’d already talked with him about this, seeing if Sarah wanted to go to the animal shelter this afternoon. He knew she’d love it.

“Well,” he sighed, pretending to consider it. “If you promise to behave this week…”

“I will!”

“And do all your homework the first time I ask,” he said.

“Deal!”

“Then alright,” he conceded. “We can go with Aunt Goldie to pick a cat.”

“Yes!” She punched the air in victory and Joel smiled and shook his head, settling back in the booth with his shake in his hand.

The three of you went back to Joel’s and gave Sarah a chance to get cleaned up before heading to the shelter to look at cats. Sarah took over the radio in the car and insisted on playing Taylor Swift and you learned the chorus to one of the songs she was belting in the back seat, singing along the last time through, windows rolled down, your hand tapping out the rhythm of the song on the outside of the door.

“So what kind of cat do you want?” Sarah asked, turning to face you and Joel as she walked backwards down the row of cages.

“I don’t really know,” you shrugged. “Never really had a pet. One that wants to sit on my lap and purr?”

“See what not having a pet as a kid does to you, Dad?” Sarah said, looking at Joel with wide eyes. “Leaves you totally unprepared for picking a pet later in life. I should get a cat, too, while we’re here.”

“No,” he said. “Watch where you’re walkin’.”

She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically but obeyed, leading the way through the cages.

“Oh, look at this one!” She stopped in front of a cage and laced her fingers through the bars, a black and white cat on the other side of it watching her from the back corner. “She’s so pretty!”

Joel stood at your back as you paused, looking at the cat for a moment.

“She is pretty,” you said. “But I want to see all of them first before I see if there are any we want to really meet.”

Sarah stopped outside of a gray and white tabby’s cage, the cat rubbing its face over the bars.

“Aw!” She reached a finger out and brushed along its cheek. “She’s so cute! And she seems so sweet!”

“She does,” you agreed, reaching around Sarah to give the cat a haphazard pet.

“Dad!” Sarah looked back over her shoulder at him. “Her name is Swiftie! She’s perfect!”

“We’re not here for us, Baby Girl,” Joel said. “C’mon, more cats to see, don’t get attached.”

“Well we have to meet that one now,” you said, looking at Joel and very clearly trying not to smile. “It’s required.”

“It’s really not,” he replied. “God, you’re such a bad influence…”

“Nah,” you replied. “I’m just always right, you should get used to it.”

You found another cat you really wanted to meet, an orange striped one who stood on his hind legs in his cage and reached a paw through the bars while meowing loudly for attention.

“Alright, Baby Girl,” Joel sighed, hands in his pockets. “Why don’t you go find someone who works here, see if we can meet some of these guys…”

She squealed before running out to find someone, Joel watching her go before turning his attention back to you.

“You’re never gonna have another moment’s peace with that thing in your house,” he said, watching as you reached your fingers through the bars and scratched its head as it purred loudly, arching into your touch.

“That’s alright,” you smiled, watching the cat. “It’ll be nice to feel wanted for a change. Totally worth it.”

Joel just looked at you for a moment, an odd twinge in him. Maybe you were lonelier than he realized. Maybe things had been worse with your fucking ex than he’d known. Maybe you didn’t understand that he wanted you. In so many fucking ways, he wanted you.

He just had no idea how to say that to you, not without fucking up everything else.

“Hi there,” a woman with a name tag walked up, Sarah at her side, before Joel had a chance to say anything at all. “I hear you want to see some cats?”

You told her the ones you wanted to see and the woman led you to a small room with a bench and some cat toys before going to get the first cat.

Joel should really have known what was going to happen after that. The three of you settled on the floor, you and Joel sitting beside each other, backs against the cinderblock wall, letting cats climb over your legs and throwing little bell-filled balls for them to chase as Sarah pulled a feather on a string across the floor. You were already attached to the orange cat but Sarah was obviously in love with the gray one. Joel sighed, leaning his head back against the wall, watching as his daughter held the little cat on her lap, talking to it all soft and gentle.

“I really should’ve known better than to do this,” he muttered and you laughed a little, leaning your head on his shoulder and watching Sarah, too. “Jesus…”

“At least it’s a cat and not a dog,” you patted his thigh twice before letting your hand rest there near his knee. His heart beat faster. “Could be worse.”

“So,” the woman came back in, carefully closing the door before the cat on Sarah’s lap could escape. But it didn’t look like there was any risk of it, the little thing seemingly content to stay there for the rest of time. “What are we thinking?”

“Please, Dad?” Sarah looked at him, her eyes so wide. “I’ll do all the work, I promise. I’ll clean the litter box every day and I’ll feed her and play with her and…”

Joel sighed.

“You’d gotta actually do it, Baby Girl,” he said. “I mean it.”

“I will!” She said, holding the cat close. “I promise!”

He sighed again.

“Alright, we’ll take that one…”

“Fantastic,” the woman smiled. “I’ll start the paperwork…”

“Oh, and I’m going to get Garfield, the orange one,” you said as she turned to leave. “But I’ll be changing his name…”

“That’s great,” she said. “But we will have to check and make sure the cats are compatible before we send you home with two…”

“No,” you laughed. “No, sorry, no, we don’t live together. He’ll be coming with me and this one will be going with them.”

“Oh!” She laughed back. “I’m so sorry, I just thought you two were married. I’ll get started on the paperwork for both, I’ll be right back.”

Joel watched the woman go and glanced at Sarah to make sure she was still totally absorbed with the cat on her lap before lowering his voice.

“Could have denied that a little harder, I think…”

He practically heard you roll your eyes.

“What, did you want to see if we could save on adoption fees by filling out one set of paperwork?” You asked.

“Always said we’d make good roommates,” he replied. “Seems a good a reason as any.”

You scoffed.

“Yeah, sure,” you said.

“What?” He said, turning his head just enough to see you, still leaning against him. “I’m serious. You really tellin’ me that the idea of living with me is that terrifying?”

“The inevitable fallout is terrifying, yeah,” you said.

“Here we go,” the woman came back in with two clipboards and you lifted your head from Joel’s shoulder. “Once you fill this out and pay your deposit, we can run a few checks and you can come back in a few days for your new best friends!”

“Ah, the truth comes out,” Joel smirked a little as he started completing the paperwork. “You were looking to replace me the whole time…”

“Well clearly yes,” you said absently, working on your own documents. “Furry, loud, opinionated… You’re basically twins, why do I need you to keep coming over when I’ll have Puck?”

“Puck?” Joel frowned. “Like hockey puck?”

“Puck like the fairy from Midsummer,” you replied. Joel must have still looked confused because when you looked over at him, you rolled your eyes. “The mischievous one from Midsummer Night’s Dream? The Shakespeare play? I know you read it, we had to read it sophomore year…”

“C’mon Dad,” Sarah looked up from the cat in her lap. “Even I know that one.”

“Alright, well,” Joel said. “You two are the smartest people I know, not fair to judge me by that standard…”

Joel caught a glimpse of you smiling out of the corner of his eye as he finished the paperwork.

***

“I have a question for you.”

You opened your eyes to see Joel looking down to you, your head in his lap, his thumb brushing your temple in a soothing rhythm. It was late. Sarah had gone to bed hours before, worn out after her game and suckering her dad into adopting a cat and going to Target to pick out every toy under the sun for her new pet and yours. You were pretty sure you weren’t going home that night, too comfortable in your position against Joel.

“No,” you said, closing your eyes and settling into him and the couch again. “I can’t convince Sarah to give up the cat. My position as the cool aunt is too tenuous, I’m going to side exclusively with Sarah in all conflicts for the foreseeable future…”

“I could just refuse to pick it up in a few days,” Joel mused. “Tell her the shelter denied our application because of my history as a cold hearted killer with no mercy.”

“Ah yes,” you smiled a little. “I forgot, Joel Miller, heartless killing machine.”

“Cold hearted,” he corrected. “Get it right.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry…”

“But no,” he continued. “Not what I was going to ask.”

You opened one eye, looking up at him, trying not to think about how soft his eyes were.

“Shoot,” you said, closing your eye again.

“Was thinking about the lists…” he trailed off.

“That wasn’t a question, Miller,” you said after a moment.

“I’m gettin’ there, don’t rush me, woman.”

You opened your eyes just enough to see him over you. His hand slipped around to cup the crown of your head. He was so handsome. There should be rules about that, there should be rules about men who are that beautiful. They should need licensing or something, they shouldn’t just be allowed to freely exist, endangering women everywhere.

You closed your eyes again.

“Take your time, Miller,” you said. “Not going anywhere.”

“Anyway,” he said and you could hear his eye roll. His thumb stroked your hair. “Both our lists have relationship shit on ‘em…”

His voice trailed off and your heart beat a little faster.

“Yes?” You said when he didn’t continue.

“Well, you were sayin’ you didn’t know how to do the whole… app thing.”

“Right…”

“What if…” he took a deep breath. “We tried going out together. You bring someone for me, I bring someone for you…”

Your breath hitched. You couldn’t help it. You knew the kind of relationship you had with Joel, the kind of relationship you’d always had with Joel. He’d made it perfectly clear that anything beyond that was totally out of the question for him and you’d accepted that. It had taken a long time - and a failed marriage - but you accepted it.

That didn’t make the concept of picking out a girlfriend for him sting any less.

“Just… then you don’t have to fuck around on apps,” he said quickly when you didn’t reply. “And I don’t have to waste my time on someone who wouldn’t work in a million years because you’re doing my thinking for me…”

“Instead of your dick?” You asked, opening your eyes. He smiled a little. Goddammit, him and his fucking dimple.

“Exactly,” he said, cocking his head so it was more in line with yours. He looked a little uncertain, his eyes searching yours. “So… what do you think?”

“Well,” you sighed. “Makes as much sense as anything else, I suppose…. When were you thinking?”

“I did say we should move ‘get laid’ to the top of your list,” he smirked a little. “So maybe next weekend?”

“Next weekend?” You sat up so fast that you almost smacked into his nose, your head spinning for a moment. Joel grabbed you to steady you as you twisted haphazardly to face him again, legs crossed in front of you. “Doesn’t that seem fast?”

He looked at you, puzzled, as he turned to face you, too.

“Goldie, you and fuckin’ Brad…”

“Gale.”

“…Split up a year ago. You gotta get back out there, it’s not fast.”

“No, I mean,” you closed your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before looking at him again. “Isn’t that a little fast to find someone for each other? I wouldn’t even know where to start…”

There was something about the sheepish look on his face that made your eyes narrow.

“What.”

“I… might have someone in mind for you already,” he flinched as he said it.

“Seriously?”

“Look, I just don’t want you dating some random asshole, alright?” He said. “He’s a good guy, think you’d have at least some shit in common, feels like I could trust him with you…”

“Gee, thanks,” you rolled your eyes.

“I’m being serious!” He looked down at his lap for a moment, absently picking at a seam on his couch. “I worry about you. I know shit’s dangerous for women, alright? Much rather you be out with someone who I know isn’t gonna hurt you than some guy I don’t know that I can trust…”

“Careful Miller,” you said wryly. “Someone might think you care about me or something.”

“Well, can’t have that now can we,” he looked up to meet your eyes again, small smile on his face. “I’m already worrying about this shit with Sarah and she’s years off from dating. Outside of her, you’re the most important person in the world to me. Want to know you’re OK out there when I’m not with you. And I’m assuming that you wouldn’t want me to tag along on every damn date you have…”

“Bold assumption.”

He glared at you.

“And this way I can know,” he said. “So yeah, alright, it’s crossed my mind.”

“Have you talked to this guy?” You asked. “He might want nothing to do with me.”

“I ain’t worried about that part,” he waved you off. “You’re you and he’s a smart guy, he’ll see what’s on the table. Much more worried about you conning someone into goin’ out with me…”

“Oh ha ha,” you rolled your eyes. “Because you’ve ever had a problem landing women…”

“The kind that stick?” He raised his brows. “Yeah, I have.”

“Fair enough,” you sighed, thinking about the few people you knew in Austin. There was an adjunct professor in your department who you thought might be Joel’s type that you wouldn’t vomit at the thought of seeing him with. “I think I have someone who will go for it. Next weekend?”

“Next weekend,” he confirmed and then laughed a little. “C’mon, don’t look so miserable about it. Whoever you end up with it’ll be better than fuckin’ Brad.”

“Gale,” you corrected again and then slumped forward until your forehead was pressed into Joel’s shoulder. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms gently around you. “This sucks. I got married so I wouldn’t have to date anymore. This is bullshit, I want a refund.”

He laughed once.

“Don’t think that’s how it works, Goldie,” he said, giving you a little squeeze. “Refund part, I mean.”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “I’d just like the best years of my life back.”

Joel was quiet for a moment, one hand finding a gentle, easy path over your back.

“Come on,” he said eventually. “You feel tired. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “Assuming you mean here at this point?”

He scoffed.

“Ship sailed on you goin’ home hours ago,” he said. “I know who I’m dealing with.”

“Yeah yeah.”

You pulled away from him slowly and followed him up to his room. He loaned you a t-shirt and you got changed in his bathroom, taking your makeup off as best you could with the world’s most basic facial scrub and water before going to find him in bed. He was sitting up, his back against the headboard, scrolling through his phone. He glanced up at you for a moment when you came in and looked back at his phone for a fraction of a second before looking back at you again, his mouth open slightly.

You frowned.

“What?”

“Nothin’,” he said quickly, plugging his phone in and putting it face down on his nightstand. “Just forgot what shirt I gave you.”

You looked down at it, a faded shirt from the Houston Space Center. You frowned for a moment.

“Was this from when we went when we were kids?” You laughed. “On a field trip?”

“It is,” he said. “I wanted something that would fit as I was bulking up. Might have been a bit ambitious on the size…”

“You’ll have to model it for me sometime,” you said, climbing into bed next to him. He turned out the lamp and you heard him lay down. You gave him a second to adjust before you slipped against his side, his arm gong around you. You could feel the warmth of his breath on your forehead as your cheek found its place on his chest.

“You’re sure about this dating thing?” You asked quietly into the dark. He was so warm next to you. Warm and big and firm and safe. You tried not to think about how desperately you wanted him to say no, in fact, he wasn’t sure. That all he was sure of was that he wanted you.

He sighed instead.

“Think so,” he said.”You really that worried about it?”

You shrugged against him.

“Goldie.”

“Just…” you sighed. “I fucked up one marriage already. Why should I think I’ll get it right next time?”

“You realize that shit isn’t all on you, right?” He asked. “I don’t even know what happened but… I can just about promise that it’s not all on you. Be surprised if any of it is. You gotta stop letting that asshole determine your whole life, Goldie. He’s not worth it.”

“Yeah,” you said, moving closer to him. “You’re probably right.”

Joel made sure both of you were up before Sarah in the morning, sparing you both from any of her prying questions, and you spent the morning with them before going home again and trying to write but getting nowhere. You wasted hours on an outline this time before hating the story so much that it made your stomach clench to even look at it. It was so pathetic, a lost woman clinging to a past lover so hard that she couldn’t chart a path forward, and you couldn’t seem to chart a way toward a satisfying end. You started a fire in your fireplace for the first time just so you could burn the paper you’d wasted on this one. You had a glass of wine as you watched the flames devour it, ash floating to the hearth like snow, white and dead.

Part of it, you were sure, was the fact that you were dreading the idea of talking with Natalie, the adjunct you were going to try to set up with Joel. She’d like him. Of course she’d like him. It was Joel, everyone liked Joel, that was the problem. She’d like him and you’d have to sit there and watch him like her. Love her, eventually. If not her then someone else. You hadn’t been able to handle that when you were 18 and the fact that you were in your 30s now didn’t seem to have changed much. That’s part of why you’d done what you’d done after prom. A small part, perhaps, but a part.

But you were a grown up now, no longer a girl trying to find her way through the maze of the adult reality you found yourself thrust into. Things were going to be different this time.

They had to be.

May 2008, the Tuesday after prom

“Honey?”

You could hear the frown in your mom’s voice as you stumbled to your bedroom.

“That you?”

You caught yourself on the door frame. Your head was still spinning, why was it still spinning? It felt like you were going to throw up.

“Yeah,” you managed. “Just me.”

“You’re home early,” she said, her voice closer. “No Joel today?”

“No,” you said, hoping you sounded normal. “No Joel today.”

“Oh,” she sounded surprised. “Hungry? I can make you something…”

“I’m fine,” you said. “Just… tired. Going to lie down, I think.”

You didn’t wait for a response, just going in your room and closing the door behind you. Your walls were covered in movie posters, the faces of strangers you felt like you knew through their films an odd comfort as you sat on the edge of your bed.

It’s Goldie. I wish it were anyone else. It’d be better if it were anyone else.

That’s what he’d said. Anyone else. Anyone but you.

You weren’t sure how long you stared into space. How were you supposed to face him now? How were you supposed to go back to your life now?

You’d never been a particularly social person - writing all the time didn’t lend itself to vibrant friendships - but Joel had been your person for almost three years. He was who you had, who you told everything to, who you wanted to do everything with. Leaving him behind was going to be the hardest part of going away to school - so hard that part of you was still in denial that it would work that way at all. Part of you thought that he’d find some way to come with you over the summer and it’d be the two of you against the world the way it seemed like it always had been.

But he wouldn’t. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want you.

I wish it were anyone else.

“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself, your voice wet.

Graduation was soon but it was still three weeks out. Three torturous weeks of being next to the person you loved most in the world when they didn’t love you, not really, not at all.

You weren’t sure how long you stared at the wall when it occurred to you.

You forced your body to move, joints stiff, and went to your computer, scrolling back through your email history to one from Dr. Gale Newton. An invitation to a summer creative writing workshop, one you’d decided to pass on because it meant leaving Joel months earlier. You hadn’t been ready for that before. You’d gone about checking with your counselor at school to see if it was even possible before deciding you weren’t ready for it.

You were ready now.

You called the number in his email signature and the phone rang twice before a woman answered.

“Dr. Newton’s office,” she said. “This is Florence.”

“Hi Florence,” you said, sniffing a bit, hoping it didn’t sound like you’d been crying. “Is… um… Is Dr. Newton available?”

“I can check,” she said. “It’s a bit late in the day… Can I ask who’s calling and what this is about?”

You gave her your name and told her that you were a candidate for the summer program.

“Ah, right,” she said. “You were the one denial. Can’t say I remember that happening before! Let me see… yes, one moment, I’ll transfer you back.”

It didn’t take long. Dr. Newton answered on the first ring, saying your name before you had a chance to say anything at all.

“I was wondering if I’d get to speak with you directly,” he said. “I’ve never had a student turn down the intensive before.”

“Yes, I’m sorry about that,” you said, voice trembling a little. “I thought I had some things I needed to finish up here before I moved but, as it turns out, I can come up sooner. I was wondering if my spot would still be available?”

“Well,” he sighed. You could hear the rustle of pages on his end. “The program did already start and you are the only incoming freshman I invited - your online portfolio was quite impressive - I wouldn’t want you to fall behind. How soon could you be here?”

“I could be there for the start of next week’s sessions,” you said. “And I can try to keep up with some work in the mean time if you want to email me some prompts or assignments…”

“No, no need for that,” he said. You heard the click of a mouse. “I’m going back over some of your work now, I think this will work fine for what we’re doing next week. There’s a short story here, Golden Boy, that we can workshop alongside the fresh pieces for the coming sessions.”

You quickly clicked over to the simple blog you’d made to showcase your writing for college applications. You scrolled past one of your senior portraits and bio at the top down to the work and found the story. You couldn’t remember if you’d put the whole piece up or just parts but it was the whole piece, one you’d written about Joel.

It’d be better if it were anyone else.

Your chest got tight.

“Perfect,” you said. “That’s great, thank you so, so much…”

“I hope to see some more dedication out of you when you arrive here,” he said, voice a little more stern now. “I reviewed your portfolio personally and you show a lot of promise but so does every student who comes through this program. If you’re not willing to make sacrifices and work for it, I can’t help you hone that raw skill into what it has the potential to become.”

“I understand,” you said quickly. “I’ll do whatever you want, whatever you think I need…”

“I’m willing to work with you one on one,” he said. “Get you caught up over the next few weeks, both because you missed some of the intensive but because you haven’t had any classes here yet. It’s going to be a lot of time and a lot of effort but I’m happy to put in the work if you’re willing to do the same. I expect you to be devoted to this program, do you think you can do that?”

“Yes sir,” you said. “Absolutely.”

“Good girl,” he said. “I’ll email you my personal cell phone number, call me there when you get to town. I’ll make sure you get set up in your dorm and we can get to work. Sound good?”

“Yes,” you said, your eyes falling on a picture of you and Joel laughing on his couch that glared at you from its place next to your computer monitor. You turned it to face the wall. “Yes it does.”

Next Chapter

A/N: So we now know at least SOME of Bambi's side of the story. Not the whole of it yet but some!

What do you think? Teenaged overreaction? Totally makes sense? Neither? Both?

Also... I hope you caught that Gale had a picture of her before he met her and picked up on how much he'd selected her to be a pupil of particular interest from the get go. He's so slimy. Or, I hope he comes off that way, anyway. He's slimy in my head, at least!

Thank you, as always, for reading. I hope you're enjoying the ride as Joel and Goldie navigate their tangled friendship!

Love you!!!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #slow burn #friends to lovers #halcyon

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