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chuuuvi · 1 year ago

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Chuang Asia Thailand Episode 1!

It’s been too long since I got into a survival show lol. I mean my last one was Girls Planet 999 and that was 2 years ago! So anyway I’ll be taking you all with me on this journey by posting the notes I took while watching the episode plus my current top 9. Spoilers ahead!!

•First off before you ask where I’m watching: it’s on the Tencent Video app and it’s free. Ooh and if you’re also watching pls let me know so we can talk about it together!

•I’m happy to see Nene as a mentor! I loved her when I watched Chuang 2020

•This is produced by Jackson Wang? They’ve got TEN??? Okay Chuang Asia I’m interested.

•Looking at the contestant list and of course there are 14 year olds. Don’t vote for the 14 year olds you guys. My personal age minimum for voting is gonna be 17 so I won’t consider anyone younger than that. Contestants that are over 18 get my preference though. The idol industry is bad enough for adults, I’d prefer if we didn’t debut minors as well. I know ironic coming from someone who ults Yeseo lol. (She was the youngest active kpop idol when she debuted in Busters.)

•Also they're really going hard with this being international. This makes Mnet look pathetic for what they did in Girls Planet lol.

•Oh the flirting part with Jasmine was so akwarrrrrrd. 100% secondhand embarrassment.

•I felt bad for Elyn when she was crying and said “No Filming!” But they proceeded to just zoom in on her crying face :( TURN THE CAMERA AWAY FROM HER!

•The trip.com ads are so funny to me because these survival show ads where they pretend to use a product are usually for stuff like snacks or beverages or makeup. But they’ve got these girls pretending to casually book a flight lmao

•The barbie group having only one member thats older than 16 and then proceeding to perform Barbie World where they say stuff like “that pussy so cold” and “he spank me when I get bad” -_- Someone should have made them pick another song.

•OOOH the Avex group’s performance of Left Right was great. Maybe the best of the episode although Mindy was really impressive too.

•Ilene’s little fan moment with Jackson was adorable!

•They announced the first top 9 but I feel like we’re still missing some performances?? Is that an editing thing to get that ranking in the first episode and we ares still going to get more next episode or did they just skip some people? Like I don’t think we saw Ruan and I was waiting for her. I could have sworn there were some CSR members too and I haven’t seen them perform either. I guess we’ll see.

• I watched the theme song on YouTube and it’s so cute!! Weird that it’s all about summer when this is airing in winter though. Is it summer in Thailand?? I thought they were above the equator. Okay yeah they are so idk why they’re singing a song about it being summer. Also I got spoiled for Ruan center! Now I know they wouldn’t just skip her. There’s got to be more intro round performances next episode.

•Okay so my Top 9 picks will be based on who performed in this first episode only so I’m sure it’ll change a lot after ep. 2.

1. R-Jing - She blew me away in the extra performance. Her singing was so pretty! She’s so cute too and apparently trained at SM?? I always latch onto a girl first episode and this is my girl!

2. Akina - Maybe it’s bc of her experience in her past group but she seems really comfortable on stage. I like her vibe and she’s clearly very talented. She seems really nice and down to earth.

3. Rinka - I looked back at her gp999 performances and I can see why I didn’t remember her. She seems to have improved so much though! Her voice stood out positively and she’s got some star power I didn’t see in her old performances. I’m excited to see more of this new Rinka!

4. Lissa - I don’t know how to feel about her strange vibe but I liked her performance. Lots of energy and a nice voice. I’m very intrigued by her at this point.

5. MingMing- such a clear and pretty voice!!! Her and Pangjang together were both the vocal highlights of their team’s performance but MingMing is the only one of the two thats over my voting age limit.

6. Mamcú - Really interesting and beautiful voice. Apparently she competed on the Voice?? We’ll need to wait and see how she does with dancing but she seems really earnest about her desire to he an idol not just a singer so I’ll put my faith in her!

7. Shye - We barely got to see her performance but I was intrigued by what we saw. I don’t know if she can dance yet but I’ll find out soon enough. And lets be real, I have a lil crush on her and thats enough to get you in the top 9 at this point in the game. I mean look at her in her leather jacket!

8. Emma - Her dancing was great and she choreographs her own stuff too! I was really impressed by her dance skills both in her extra performance and the dance battle!

9. Tegan - gorgeous gorgeous deep voice! She’s so pretty too! I really liked her but I have no idea if she can dance. I feel like if she could she would have shown it since she got two performances so I’m hesitant.

Honorable Mentions:

Krista Shim - I’m not voting for Krista because she’s under the age I decided on being my voting limit but honestly I’d put money on her making it to the final group. You can just tell with these shows. It's in the way they edit it.

Mao Xiu Ling & Mao Xiu Ting - Of course we have a pair of twins! I’ve always loved this survival show gimmick. I love their look and their dance together was really cool!

Kaylen - The other half of the Hawaiian Duo! Kaylen pulling Jackson Wang up to the stage with her was such a power move. I didn’t like her solo performance as much as her partner Tegan’s though

Praew- I liked her energy when she introduced herself and then her dancing was insane! I will not be voting for her because she’s 15. She's just a baby.

#cyn talking #tpop #survival show #Chuang asia #chuang asia thailand #watch along #long post #someone talk about this show with me!#come on nct mutuals Ten is a mentor!!

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winderlylandchime · 2 years ago

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Hello!! I love how we are all hoping that Jordan brings back the podcast, i need those two besties back so badly. I feel like they have so much stuff they could talk about especially now with the strikes, it’d be fun to hear their take on it. I am honestly not ready for him to find out how the filming and the aftermath of the show was on Gale and Randy. I know he’s gonna lose his shit to find out how some people were towards them (especially since his idea of Gale in his head is obviously different and in his mind Gale and Randy are bffs like how he is with his friends.) but also i think he will be shocked to find out they both kind of stepped back from the show and had certain issues with it. He did storm in my room randomly today and went ‘IS THAT WHY THERE WAS LESS SEX STUFF?!’ Which btw it was 10 am when he did that, I barely knew i was awake. Basically he was up almost all night thinking about the finale and the podcast (he is once again that conspiracy meme) and he realized in later seasons there’s less sex scenes and now he is distraught that maybe it’s because Randy was uncomfortable. He was having an entire crisis over it. While I don’t know what all i will show him/what he’ll see on his own (i wanna show him bts content and like obviously anything else i can find) but i will be keeping con videos/posts FAR away from him because some of those are the worst things ive ever seen in my life, no offense to anyone. I will say, If you or anyone has any ideas what else I should show him, let me know because he has been losing his mind begging me to let him listen to more of the podcast.

As for our mom, i swear that woman is actually pretty chaotic herself but unlike my brother she hides it better. Both of our parents are insane but for some reason only he doesn’t even make an effort to hide it. She did get a long email sent to her by my brother because she was ignoring his calls and he wanted to talk about s4 finale. It was titled ‘IMPORTANT! NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SHOW’ and then it was almost a short novel about the show.. He wanted to hear her thoughts since he is still undecided about Justin not saying yes to moving in. And he wrote a little bit about the podcast and he also asked her if she thinks Randy would like him if they met (clearly he is feeling a certain way about this) which caused a different crisis, a much bigger one: would Gale like him if they met. That crisis lasted almost 2 hours btw. Anyway as a reply to the email she just forwarded it to our dad who forwarded it back to me to tell me to ‘change the wifi password.’ And then I immediately got a call from my mom about the podcast asking me if it’s about the show and how he already has enough weird hobbies and why can’t I get him into something normal like a pottery group or painting group or something with normal people around. And then I heard in the background our uncle who went ‘after all the stories about him talking to DOCTORS, you want to unleash him on a person who is not medically trained?’ So he is now being encouraged to stay home and watch tv. Also: he is currently talking to his best friend about the finale, while writing down mind maps and lists of what he thinks season 5 will be. He’s having a bit of issues with it because the LA offer apparently fucked quite a lot of things up for him so his original list no longer makes sense. He is also talking to him at the same time (he’s jumping from topic to topic) about Gale and how shocked he was that Randy didn’t enjoy the qaf fame. I don’t know how this became my life. More importantly I would just like to say: i cannot wait for your new fic! I mean your last fic got us here so I can’t wait to see what happens next. But also bearded Brian>>

The podcast talking about the strikes would be amazing! I was hoping we would get a Barbie movie episode but alas. I really want to hear the besties talk about Greta Gerwig.

I have never seen the con clips and I’m grateful. I have too much secondhand embarrassment to sit through that boundary-crossing behavior and invasive questions.

I LOVE that your parents were like “change the wifi password” and uncle was like “unleash him into the world?” and they responded “jk never mind.”

I personally think Gale and Randy are still friends but we would never know with the one proof of life per year Gale gives us and Randy being tightlipped about his time on the show.

Wait until your brother realizes that one of Randy’s partner’s is named Justin (or is that the kid? either way there’s a Justin!)

I am dreading his reaction to S5 but we all watched it so he must as well…

And, yes, bearded Brian >>>

BUT I saw your request at the top - folks let’s start to pull together a post-S5 education for all necessary BTS for Brother Anon to fully understand QAF! In box me or comment on this post.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

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anxious-rainbow-creature · 2 years ago

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interpreting "what was i made for?" by billie eilish from the barbie movie through the lens of an autistic person coming to terms with their identity

lemme first start with how when i heard this song i started fucking CRYING my eyes out because I felt so seen but not in the way that the song intended

like the song is very literal in the context of the film with barbie realizing she's a doll but wanting to be human

but the way I heard it was very different and I took some time to deconstruct why exactly it hit me so hard so heres my explanation of "what was i made for?" as an exploration of an autistic person finding out they're autistic and all the baggage that comes with that

I'm also gonna be speaking from my own perspective because I was diagnosed on the cusp of becoming an adult so this whole experience is VERY fresh for me

FROM THE TOP

"I used to float, now I just fall down"

you find out you're autistic after a long time of not being aware of how you were different. ignorance was bliss. you had no idea that other people saw through you and could identify that you were weird.

"I used to know, but I'm not sure now, What I was made for,"

you didnt have to question your identity, because you just were. you existed in the world just like everyone else. but now, you question what parts of you are autistic, and what parts of you are just you. are you entirely autistic? partially? is your personality just one massive autistic trait? what other autistic traits do you have that you're not aware of? so many questions.

"What was I made for?"

the penultimate question. if you're not neurotypical, what now? if I don't fit in here, where do I fit in?

"Taking a drive, I was an ideal"

you thought you were neurotypical. normal. the thing that the world was made for and what it caters to.

"Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real"

re-enforcing the very first lyric of how you didn't know you were different until you became aware of it. if you looked in the mirror, you thought you looked and acted just like your peers. but that reality was shattered when you look back at all your experiences with a new perspective. oh no, that one moment in 4th grade? oh my god, it was so obvious that you weren't neurotypical. and then there are more moments like that. and more. it suddenly starts making sense.

trying to tell other neurotypical people about your experiences leads to invalidation. "what? you're not autistic." "you're just attention seeking." "well, everyone's a little bit autistic."

"Just something you paid for"

this is everyone who saw right through you but still cared for you. they heard the comments being made about you behind your back. they felt the secondhand embarassment from you doing something odd. they spoke to the cashier for you when you were too scared. they made you food when you couldnt. they were the breadwinner when you couldnt work, couldnt get a job, or couldnt keep a job.

you acknowledge how much those people do for you, and you feel guilty. you feel like a burden on the people you love.

"What was I made for?"

as your awareness of yourself and your circumstances grows, the hope that you'll be able to fit in somewhere seems more far away than it used to. this world wasn't made for you, but surely someone will make room for you, right?

"'Cause I, I, I don't know how to feel"

when being diagnosed with autism, you experience a swirl of emotions. you feel relief that your thoughts about you being different are correct. you feel anger that you didn't find out sooner. you feel sad that so many people left you behind just because you didn't fit the mold of what they thought a person should be. you feel exhausted that people don't understand you, or don't care to understand. you feel confused at the realization that there's all these neurotypical rules that you're expected to follow but no one seems to talk about. you feel scared that, now that you know you're autistic, history will repeat itself and you'll be invalidated, made fun of, ignored, and misunderstood again and again again.

"But I wanna try"

in your efforts to understand yourself and the world around you, you try deconstructing these emotions. some are explainable, but some aren't.

"I don't know how to feel"

alexithymia is very common in autistic populations. even though you can explain certain aspects of being diagnosed autistic, there's still a lot that you don't understand. sometimes you feel prickly for seemingly no reason. or you want to run away. or you want to flap your hands or make noises or shake your body.

"But someday, I might, Someday, I might"

there's a reason for these things that hopefully, eventually you'll figure out. you might find out that you get very easily overstimulated. or that really loud places like concerts or big rooms are a sensory nightmare for you. or that certain clothes are so intensely uncomfortable that you can't stop thinking about them.

"When did it end? All the enjoyment?"

you discover that you were bottling things up for a long time. you hid your interests because you were afraid of being made fun of. you kept your feelings and thoughts inside of you for so long that you forgot what you were holding in. at some point you just became...numb. at some point you realized that existing was so difficult that all you needed to do was focus on surviving. it didn't use to be like this.

"I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend"

to tell anyone how difficult it is to be alive just feels like a burden on other people. it happens so often. you feel like a broken record talking about the ways in which living is hard.

"It's not what he's made for"

in a world of neurotypicals, it feels so isolating. they don't understand your experiences because they're not autistic. they don't get it. there are few people who are equipped to understand and explain the autistic experience.

"What was I made for?"

it gets clearer and clearer what this diagnosis means. in the most extreme sense, it's a death sentence. this world doesn't want autistic people to exist.

"Think I forgot how to be happy"

the crushing weight of all these obstacles that were always there reminds you of its presence. hiding who you really are just to have a chance of fitting in hurts so much. you just want to be accepted for who you are. all the good and the bad. existing overwhelms you.

"Something I'm not, but something I can be"

you're not happy. but this diagnosis is a step. it's gonna take a lot of work, but you can move towards figuring out what makes you tick, and do your best to work with what you are. there are people out there who care about you. there are people who will listen. there are people who will accomodate you. there are safe environments out there. there have to be happy autistic people who exist, right? it has to be possible.

"Something I wait for"

the times need to catch up, but we're further along with our understanding of autistic people than we were a year, 5 years, 10 years ago. it will take a lot of time to understand yourself. it will take a lot of time before the world will accomodate you better. it will take time for you to find the right people and the right places. but it is possible.

"Something I'm made for"

I might not be meant for this world, but I'm meant for someone. for something. for somewhere.

aaaand scene!

like i said, this was my journey to being diagnosed autistic at a late age. i hope other people find it relatable

#autism #autistic #autistic adult #barbie #the barbie movie #barbie movie #billie eilish #song lyrics #i stopped working to write this cuz i couldnt stop thinking about it

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wheelin-after-midnight · 3 months ago

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59.

— Finish the Sentence —

510. What motivates me day to day is: The fact that my cat needs me. If I let grief/depression totally consume me and something happened to me, she would starve/die or be taken to a shelter, and she'd probably be one of the first ones to be euthanized if they were at capacity. Despite how sweet and trustful she is with me now and all the work I've done to get her to this point, she is still quite feisty and bitey and doesn't love/trust a lot of people. Not everyone would know how to handle her or be as dedicated and patient as I have been.

511. I’m the kind of person that can be counted on to: Be an extremely understanding, empathetic, loyal friend.

512. When you first meet me you’ll notice: I'm extremely guarded and it's a sloooow burn getting me to open myself up in any meaningful way to other people.

513. To me, love is: Depth, truth, freedom, honesty, trust, safety, understanding, compassion, support. Feels like home.

514. What I look for in my friendships is: Compassion, empathy, LOYALTY.

515. You’ll know if I’m afraid by: Most people wouldn't be able to tell at all. I'm not open about profound fear or any profound emotion around just anyone. Even my own family doesn't see much of that.

516. When I’m happy I’m most likely to: Sing around the house without reservation or holding back on hitting notes/having a lot of volume. Sometimes I'll fuck around and sing into hairbrushes or a coffee creamer container or whatever is nearest to me that I'm using as though it's a microphone, if I'm really happy.

517. I’ll never comment on someone else’s: Body in a judgemental or negative way.

518. I’ve got a good eye for: My cat getting into shenanigans. I feel like my reflexes are so much faster and I have eyes on the back of my head since having her crazy ass. She's so rambunctious and curious and gets into the dumbest things.

519. My nighttime routine involves: It's a lot more predictable now that the sleep gummies I use have done a good job regulating my circadian rhythm and normalizing my sleep cycles again. I don't need to take them every night, and I wouldn't want to do that, but I start to get tired and wake up around the same time every night/morning. I don't really do anything too special. Maybe shower if I haven't earlier in the day. Give Nippy her last quarter of food, check her box again to make sure it's clean. Get into whatever I'm wearing to sleep and then get into bed. Wait for Nip to curl up with me.

520. It’s not easy for me to: Trust and open up to other people.

521. Once you get to know me you’ll realise that: I have a lot of depth, a lot of trauma I don't really speak about to people. There's much more to me than people think they know and I've been through a lot.

522. If I’m daydreaming it’s most likely to be about: I don't know. I don't really get into the headspace to let myself daydream about too much anymore.

523. I never leave my house without: Usually my keys, but I've stupidly forgotten them once or twice.

524. The last song I heard play was by: Toni Braxton.

— Firsts —

525. First best friend? Lyndsea was my first solid, long term best friend.

526. First school teacher? My kindergarten teacher.

527. First hobby? Playing with baby dolls and barbies.

528. First girlfriend/boyfriend? First boyfriend was when I was 15. First serious girlfriend would be my current partner, and the first time we dated I was 19, but I've known her longer than that. There were less serious flings with girls and kinda figuring things out and shit before that.

529. First vacation/holiday? California in 2004 was the only one.

530. First book series you got into? Oh god, I don't know. I used to be a voracious reader and have read too many books in my life to recall this.

531. First album you bought? Britney Spears Baby One More Time is one I distinctly remember buying when I was really young. A lot of albums I listened to were passed on to me secondhand, though. I didn't buy a lot of them myself.

532. First kiss? At 15.

633. First piercing? Only ever had my ears pierced and I let them close.

634. First tattoo? Amor, fuerza, y recuerdos in cursive with a heart at the end on my left forearm

535. First car? Never happened, never will.

536. School trip? The very first? I have no idea. I missed out on a lot of school trips.

537. Movie saw in the cinema? Stuart Little is one of the first ones I remember.

538. First stay in hospital? As soon as I was born.

539. First time having sex? What about it?

540. First major fall out with a friend? Middle school sometime, so like 12-13.

— Fives —

541. Five authors you like: Jodi Picoult is a top one. I don't read near as much anymore.

542. Five colours you like: Blue, grey, white, black, pink.

543. Five emojis you use the most: 😘🤷🏻‍♀️🥰🥹🤣

544. Five locations you’d like to visit: South Africa, Thailand, Switzerland, Barbados, Hawaii.. There are so many. I would like to go basically anywhere and everywhere in the world.

545. Five musical genres you like: R&B/soul, pop, rock, country, hip-hop/rap. I love all genres of music. Literally everything.

546. Five names you’d give your pets: I'll just go with the one I did name my pet and then four others that were on the list: Nippy Jean/Whitney Jean, Shenzi, Yoshi, Kip, Banzai.

547. Five popular bands you’re not into: So all of these I know at least one song, or a few songs, by, but I don't listen to them on the regular or consider myself a big fan: Coldplay, Poison, My Chemical Romance, Paramore, Green Day.

548. Five songs you play over and over again: Please - Toni Braxton I'm Your Baby Tonight - Whitney Houston Balla Baby - Chingy Falling Like Rain - Tina Turner How Will I Know (Live from King's Park Stadium, Durban, South Africa) - Whitney Houston

549. Five Words you use a lot day to day: Fuck Shit Bruh "Nippy, enough!" Oops

550. Five YouTube channels you follow: Two Hot Takes, Thread Talk Podcast, We're All Insane, Elle Bee, Other People's Lives.

— Food —

551. Salty, sweet or savoury snacks? All, depending what I'm craving at the time.

552. Favourite meal of the day? Idk, I don't really eat set, large meals.

553. Favourite chip/crisp flavour? Sea salt or sea salt and malt vinegar.

554. Favourite food that is native to your country? I don't have one.

555. How many meals do you have in a day? I don't really eat set, large meals. I graze/munch whenever I'm hungry.

556. What’s your favourite vegetable? Potatoes, spinach, celery. I have a lot.

557. How do you like your eggs? Scrambled or fried.

558. Do you like your potatoes boiled, mashed, baked, roasted or something else? I like potatoes in all ways. Gimme all the potatoes, man. Roasted, mashed and hashbrown patties are probably my favourite ways to eat them, though.

559. What’s your comfort food? Pizza or homemade mac and cheese.

560. If you go out for a meal what are you most likely to order? It changes all the time because I don't get to go out very often and I don't frequent the same places.

561. What’s your favourite type of cake? I'm not particularly wild about cake unless it's carrot cake. I love carrot cake.

562. What do you like on your pizza? I go for plain cheese most often. Cheese and pineapple is a close second, or ham and pineapple.

563. What nations cuisine do you like the most? Italian, Mexican and Asian.

564. Name some foods you really dislike: Queen Elizabeth Cake, anything coconut, salmon, oysters, creamed corn, not a big fan of hot dogs, and I'm picky when it comes to lasangna, has to be done right.

565. What was the last item of food you ate? A chicken salad wrap and a piece of chocolate.

566. Do you usually eat a cold or hot lunch? It depends. I eat what I'm feeling when I'm hungry.

567. Do you have a favourite restaurant chain? Montana's, Kelsey's, The Keg.

568. What’s your favourite type of meat if you eat meat? I used to not eat meat for years. I do again for now, though I hope to go back to not doing so eventually. I like some sandwich meats, and I'm partial to chicken over other meats.

569. Do you prefer lots of little meals or a few larger ones? Lots of little ones, usually.

570. Do you like seafood? Not all of it. I love shrimp, though.

571. Do you prefer spicy or plain foods more? I adore spicy food, but sometimes it causes me acid reflux flares, so I'm conscious of how much of it I eat.

572. Are you a better baker or cook? I can do both, but I'm not passionate about either anymore. I used to be.

573. Do you had spiced water What?

574. Do you add spices in your cooking? Of course. Who doesn't season their food at least somewhat?

— Friends —

575. Do you value friendships highly? I value my lasting friendships very highly, yes. I don't place so much value or emphasis on trying to create new ones.

576. Are any of your friends like family to you? They are, sometimes more so than my blood family.

577. How often do you get to see your friends? Definitely nowhere near as often as I'd like.

578. Which of your friends have you known the longest? Brittany.

579. Are most of your friends male or female? Female. I don't have any male friends at this time in my life. I'm not against it, I just don't.

580. Do you ever hang out with your friends in a group? No. I only have two, and they know each other, but they don't hang out together.

581. If you have a partner do your friends get on well with them? They've had issues with her and how I was being treated in the past, but since we've worked through our issues and they can see she's walking the walk now and not just saying all the right things, they've no problems with her at all and are very happy that I/we are in the place that we are and going strong for so long.

582. Have you ever lived with a friend? Very briefly in college before I dropped out. Otherwise, no.

583. Do most your friends have similar interests to you? We have some similar interests as well as a lot of different ones.

584. Do you have any friends who live in a different country to you?. Not anymore.

585. Are any of your friends good to talk to when you feel you need emotional support? They both are for different kinds of emotional support. Brittany especially though, she's such a rock and I don't know what I would do without her.

586. What are some of the finest memories you have with your friends? All the little adventures I have with Brit are so fun. She's down for basically anything. Our concerts we've been to together have been some of the most fun times, though. The best memories with Kirsten have been with her kids and what a special role I've had in their lives. The first time I met/held her youngest daughter and said "Hello, I'm your Auntie, and we're gonna have a lotttt of fun together." And she wrapped her little baby hand around my fingers and held so tightly like she just knew. She's recently turned seven, and she's such a little ray of sunshine. I love her so much and I'm so proud of the little lady she's growing into.

587. What friend that you’re no longer in contact with do you miss the most? None. I miss Chrystal sometimes, but I have no desire to see her again. She did me too dirty for that.

588. Have you had a friend who wasn’t really a friend and backstabbed you? Chrystal, evidently.

589. Did you have a lot of friends in school or were you more of a loner? I was a complete loser in school. I still don't have "a lot" of friends.

590. Have any of your friends got you into a new hobby or interest? What was it? Not really, they've just educated me on a lot of their interests, and I love that they trust me enough to share.

591. Do any of your friends have a high social media profile? No.

592. Have you supported any of your friends with their dreams or career such as going to their gigs or sharing their business page? Yup. I sat in on a couple zoom meetings for Kirsten when she needed someone to do so for something she had going on. I'm always happy to help and support friends in their jobs or passions or anything, any ways I can.

593. Which of your friends is the most successful in their career? They're both extremely successful in different ways with different things. I'm beyond proud of both of them.

594. Do you share your secrets with your friends or are they more casual friendships? I share more with them than my own family. I definitely share the most with Brittany.

595. Are you a member of the LGBTQA community have you told your friends and have they been supportive? I am. I'm a lesbian. I've been out for a long time, but yes they both know and are accepting and supportive. We wouldn't be close friends if they weren't.

596. Are most of your friends younger, the same age or older than you? Brittany is a year younger, Kirsten is only younger by four months.

597. If you work do you class your colleagues as friends? I don't.

598. What friend that you are still in contact with now have you known the longest? Brittany.

599. Is there anything you’d really like to say to one of your friends right now? If so, what is it? I told Brit just the other day I miss her and that we have to do something soon before I leave here and everything gets hectic. Her son was just admitted to hospital for a bit and then she and her dad both got sick, so it's been a while since we've seen each other. Kirsten was just in hospital with her own health scare. Thankfully everyone is okay and hopefully we'll get together soon before my whole life gets flipped on its ass. They know how much I miss and love them both. I don't usually go even a day without making those things known if I can help it.

#personal #survey #questions #text #surveys

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bizarrelovesquare · 2 years ago

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Have you ever collected any American Girl dolls? I never did, but I used to get the catalogue. Their furniture is so cool and well made and it FASCINATES MEEEEEE

ignore that I'm answering this way late and after I already posted one of my dolls

I just started collecting them over the past few months! I'd been interested in them for a long time though. It's kind of a long story. I used to get the catalogs from 2002 to 2014(? somewhere around there? it was definitely a long time and I was legally an adult when they finally stopped coming) and I would look through it cover to cover multiple times, imagining what I would do if I had every doll, outfit, accessory, and furniture piece that I wanted. The names of particular items are still ingrained in my mind to this day (makes ebay searching very easy, lol). In elementary school, I read nearly all of the AG historical books from the library. I finally got a doll in 2007, Julie when she was first released, because I've always loved the 1970s.

However, even though I loved the doll, she initially didn't ignite that "spark" for me that I get with favorite toys, and I still don't know why. I loved her style, loved her story, still loved looking at the catalogs, but I just didn't know how to bond with her. My theory is that I was just at an awkward age (I was almost 12) and was transitioning from playing with dolls in a kiddie way to playing with them in older collector ways, but since I wasn't used to having an AG doll, it wasn't as simple as my never-faltering career as a Barbie collector since age two. I did try making more clothes for her a few times, and they were good for my age at the time, but I made mistakes and that frustrated me. She kinda just sat there and I eventually stored her away.

Fast forward to August 2022!! I go to an annual doll expo near me, and this is the first year they were able to have it since 2019, so I was stoked to be back and explore what was for sale. One table had some AG clothes for sale that I recognized, and seeing them in person instead of on a page was surreal, getting to see the actual size and quality, and I was like "...Okay...I could totally get into this...actually I DEFINITELY want something American Girl before I leave this place today." I walked around a bit more, and on another table stood my lookalike doll, Just Like You #23, one of the first AG dolls I ever wanted (along with Molly and Samantha). I stopped in my tracks and said "I've wanted this doll since I was a kid," and the lady behind the table says, "Well now's your chance!" I'm debating at this point, because the tag says $55 and I wasn't planning on spending that much on a singular item, but this is a piece of Evie history and I'm so drawn towards this doll, how can I not get her, and the lady must have read my mind, because she goes, "How much is she...55, no that's not right, you can have her for $30!" and now I'm about to start crying, and I'm like YES I'LL TAKE HER!

So I got my Just Like You doll, brought her home and curled her hair to match mine (AG why u no curly hair in the 2000s???), and I was instantly OBSESSED. The thing about me is that I can't love a thing without becoming a collector, so I had an urge to find even more. I discovered that they can go for pretty decent prices on the secondhand market, and I made a whole mental list of dolls/outfits/etc that I eventually want to find.

About a month ago was when I got the idea to make my custom Marinette doll; since she's such an adorable character, I thought she'd translate well to an AG doll. I spent weeks searching resell sites for the perfect doll, and I finally came across a Just Like You #30 that had had her eyes swapped to blue ones, and I knew she was the one. A few days before she arrived in the mail, I dug in our storage boxes for my Julie doll, and I brought her back into my room. This time, I felt the connection. Maybe all these years, I just needed some friends for her <3

I have three American Girl dolls sitting in front my bed now, and they're perfect for me. I'm looking forward to many future adventures, making custom clothes for them with my adult sewing skills, and adding even more of them to the family. So, that's been my journey into AG collecting!

#ask #american girl #this was so much fun to talk about thank you <3

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callahanisms · 3 years ago

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visitation of the bard - pt. 2

pairing: eddie munson x gn! reader warning(s): mild violence notes: the second part to my fic, visitation of the bard. this takes place in a medieval au. for the ✨vibes✨ of this part, i recommend listening to the following bardcore covers: “barbie girl,” “somebody i used to know,” and “love story” (the last one especially at the banquet scene to the end). i’m also extra so i made a youtube playlist of the songs i listened to while writing the fic. word count: 3.4k words

ao3 link: visitation of the bard by vanagloriah

like this fic and feeling generous? leave a tip on ko-fi!

“Good morning, my liege.”

You groaned, covering your face with your blanket. The sun was so bright. Why was it so bright? Was it always this bright? Your body felt quite sore. You didn’t want to get out of bed and move. You could already feel the exhaustion from the day’s events even if they haven’t started yet. “Please no…” You mutter before feeling the blanket be ripped from your grip. Harper was always strong.

“Good morning, my liege! Late night?” They ask with their eyebrows raised.

“No…”

“Really now?” Harper smirks.

“Fine. You got me.”

“Of course I do.”

You sit up. You felt like a zombie, like someone who wasn’t supposed to be walking around. You shouldn’t have been out so late. “So are you going to talk? What did you do last night?” Harper asks, pulling your clothes out for the day.

“I…It’s hard to explain.”

“I see. Well, did you at least find the bard?”

You hesitated if you should answer that, if you should say yes or no. If you should bring up that the two of you went out into the forest and shared an intimate moment together that was filled with romance, that you fell asleep listening to the soft hum of his lute, that you learned his name and that he felt oddly familiar to you. It felt like you had met him before. But where? Where had you seen those eyes? That smile? You felt feelings deep inside of you stir. Something was amiss. It was as if there was a veil of smoke in your mind, preventing you from truly remembering what it was. It was on the tip of your tongue! Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Why did that name sound so familiar? Maybe if you knew the house he came from, his family’s name, then it would click in your head. “I…did.”

Harper notices your hesitation and the tension in your voice. “Did something happen?” Their face grows concerned.

“No. Nothing happened.” You smile. “He was…sweet and kind and talented and funny. Mysterious he was. We…We were alone in the forest.”

Harper gasps. “My liege!” They exclaim. You could see them get secondhand embarrassment from you.

“I know. How…improper of me, to be alone with a man. A bard nonetheless! Their reputations precede them all too well.” You play with your hands. “But he was so captivating. So…handsome, beautiful. I don’t think any person comes close to his charm and charisma. And his laugh! It was hearty, full of joy. He was a man without care. And he’s just that! A man. There’s nothing special about him or his music! He is a human man without the power of a divine being or mythical creatures by his side. He does travel with a knight and his squire.”

“It appears my liege is quite whipped for this bard.” Harper giggles. “You speak as if you had encountered a cherubim yourself!”

“Yes. Maybe. But there is something bothering me.” You shake your head. “I remember him. Or well…I don’t. But there was a feeling of familiarity when I saw him! And yet, I cannot recount a single thing about him! His name sounds familiar too. And he refused to answer my questions.” You scoff at the memory. “Nevertheless, I am at a loss for words!”

“Well, my liege, I’m happy you feel that way. We must, however, start your day. You have lessons with Robin, a midday meal with Lady Nancy and Lord Michael of House Wheeler, your afternoon lessons with Sir Kline, and then a banquet—”

“Banquet!” You exclaim. “What? Why?”

“Because it is your birthday? You are turning 20. And your father has invited plenty of people to come woo you.”

Your face falls. “I see…” You only wanted one person to woo you: Eddie the Bard.

“Well we must get ready. Come on now!”

~~~

“You appear to be particularly aggravated today my liege.” Sir Kline easily parried your lunges and strikes.

“It’s complicated.” You add more force to the strike. He counters.

“Is it about tonight’s banquet?”

“Yes!” You lunge again and he counters. “I cannot believe it! The audacity of my father to arrange suitors for me! When I do not want any of them! Man, woman, person, otherwise! There is only one person I would allow to court me!”

“Oh? Has the liege met someone?” He raises an eyebrow at the thought. “I wondered what happened when you went out. You did go out, yes?”

You stop moving, panting and trying to catch your breath. “I did.”

“Did you meet this bard?”

“I met him, yes.”

“Him?” He raises his eyebrows. “Interesting.”

“Sir Kline, please.” You wave your hand. “Nothing happened.”

“Really? Did nothing really happen?”

“I mean, aside from him serenading me and me…enjoying myself,” You shrug. “It was nice.”

“Was he what his reputation made him out to be?”

You purse your lips. “No. Not at all. He was…” You were trying to find the words. “Romantic. Chivalrous. A gentleman.”

He nods along. “It sounds like you had a good experience, my liege.”

~~~

Robin hummed to herself as she walked around the cauldron, adding a few more ingredients to the pots. She adored the smell that came from the pot. It already calmed her nerves and her mind felt clearer. “This is great. Once this batch is done I can sell it—”

You bursted through the door. “ROBIN!”

“Ah!” The woman fell down, taking a stool with her. “(Y/N)—I mean, my liege! Do NOT barge in like that!” She stood up and picked up the stool before sitting, leaning her back against the table. “Don’t you have something to do—”

“No! I don’t!” You close the door behind yourself. “Anyways, remember last month’s lessons?”

“Ummm…No. I don’t. Because I’m busy doing other things and the lessons are at the back of the mind.”

“What?”

“I prepare them way ahead in advance and I just follow the schedule. I mostly teach you so I can save up money.”

“Okay. Whatever.” You go back to the door to make sure it’s locked. Robin gives you a weird look. “We learned about certain herbs and their properties. And some of them are said to be hailed from myth where the myth says they have powerful properties like…prophetic properties.”

“My liege, those are just myths and legends. There is no basis in reality—”

“Some of them are used for prayers! And-and for rehabilitation!” You snapped your fingers. “One in particular is said to help with a foggy memory!”

“Are you…suffering from a foggy mind, my liege?” Robin raises an eyebrow.

“Yes. Yes I am. See, I met the bard yesterday. You know this already. But what I failed to communicate was that he seemed…awfully familiar, like I knew him. Like I’ve seen him before, been with him before. The place where he took me in the forest felt very familiar too! Like I’ve been there before. But I just can’t remember anything.”

“I see. Anything I can do to help, liege.” Robin smiles. “I should have something for you.” She stands up and begins rummaging around the table, looking through the containers. It took her some time before she eventually found it. “Here we are. This herb should help.” She presented it to you.

“I’m guessing I just eat it right?” You take it in your hand. It smelled very…strong.

“Actually it’s best to—(Y/N)!” She exclaims as she watches you shove the herb in your mouth. “No! No, no, no, NO!”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” You shrug.

~~~

Robin waited outside, leaning against the wall. She listened to the sounds of you retching up whatever food you had eaten earlier in the day. You weren’t supposed to eat it because the herb’s purpose was to help detoxify the body by way of vomiting. Alas, you were more inclined to trust your intrusive thoughts than to listen to your friend. Robin watched as you came out. “Better now?”

“Yeah.” You felt slightly woozy.

“Come on. We’ll consume the herb the right way.”

Robin boils some water and adds the herb into it, letting it steep. You wait patiently as you watch her pour the liquid into a cup. When you take it, you take in the strong aroma of the drink. It felt soothing and smelled like rosemary. It was warm and comforting. “Alright. You’re supposed to drink it but slowly. Take in the scent while you drink it because the smell will aid in the clearing of the mind fog—(Y/N)!”

You decided it was best to swallow it all in one go like a cup of ale. “Little bit hot on the tongue.” You set the cup down. “Tastes pretty good though.”

Robin sighs. “Now we wait.”

You sat in your seat, waiting for something to happen. You didn’t feel any different and your mind certainly did not feel cleared up. You thought back to Eddie, his smile and his laugh, the way his hand felt when you held it and the gentleness of his voice. He was familiar. Something deep down inside of you recognized him. But you didn’t know from where. It was unnatural to be feeling this way about a man you had just met. You were bothered though and you wanted to figure everything out as soon as possible. “I feel…nothing.”

“Huh. I guess it might just be an old wives’ tale. Or maybe there’s something else put in the tea with religious people.” Robin shook her head.

“I guess.” You hop off the stool and stand before your mind suddenly feels heavy. Your vision begins to blur and your body doesn’t move. You feel yourself falling and all you can hear is Robin screaming your name as you black out.

~~~

You were 5 years old.

You wanted to know why you couldn’t leave the palace and go exploring. Your father said no. He seemed somber. Did it have something to do with your mother’s death? You were simply confused. He didn’t seem to budge though and you resigned yourself to sitting at the stables and petting the horses. It was as close to the outside as you could get. “It just isn’t fair, Holland.” You pout as you stroke your pony’s mane. Holland makes a noise in response, nudging their head against your hand. “Why can’t I go outside? Maybe if I had someone go with me then father would let me. Like Sir Kline!” Your excitement died down. “Who am I kidding?”

“What has you down my liege?” A voice chimes.

You lift your head to see a young boy about your age. He looks slightly older though. Maybe by a year or two. His brown hair is cut short but you could make out that his hair is slightly wavy. He’s quite cute actually. “My father will not let me outside. And I doubt anyone would rebel against his wishes so I can leave and see the town and the forest.” You huff.

“Sounds quite tyrannical, my liege.” He jokes. It gets a small laugh from you.

“I would need protection if I were to leave. A knight maybe.”

“Fear not, my liege! For I can provide such a thing!” He puffs his chest out.

“But you’re just a boy.”

“Not any boy!” He bows. “Edward of House Munson, my liege. My father is Julian of House Munson and my uncle Wayne of House Munson. We are a house of honored knights.” He offers his hand. You look wary but nevertheless, place your own in his. He presses his lips to your knuckles before pulling it away. “I am at your service, my liege.”

“Are you even knighted though? You’re far too young to be a knight.” You ask.

“I have not been knighted yet nor am I a squire. But I can guarantee that I can protect you!” He smiles.

You smile back. “Your enthusiasm is infectious, dear Edward.”

“Give me a second and I’ll be back!” He scurried off and you watched inquisitively. What was going to happen?

Eventually, he came back with Sir Kline. He told you that he managed to get Sir Kline to convince your father to allow you to go visit the town. You would just be under the watchful eye of Sir Kline. Edward had pulled through for you when no one else could. Of course you had to invite him and ask him to show you around.

~~~

You were 8 years old.

Practicing the art of sword fighting was a lot harder than it looked. Of course, as you grew older and your strength grew, you would be able to carry heavier swords and weapons. But for now, you remained with a rather light sword. Edward was swinging hard. Normally he went easy on you considering he was much more advanced in the art. There was clearly something bothering him though and he was releasing the steam through sparring. “Is everything alright Edward?” You ask.

“It’s…It’s nothing.” He shakes his head.

“Oh come on. What’s bothering you?” You frown. “You can talk to me.”

Edward purses his lips. “Well…you are aware of the things that happened with my father, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Essentially, he has dishonored my family’s name and legacy. It is up to me to fix it because he ran away and fled the kingdom.” He sighs. “I still have the chance to be knighted. My uncle however is content with no longer being a knight.”

“Why is that?”

“He says his true passion in life is music. He loves playing the lute. Actually, he started teaching me how to play because I was interested. It’s good to have hobbies. I’m just not sure if I’m capable of becoming a knight.”

You laugh. “What? What’s so funny?” He exclaims.

“It’s just strange. I’ve never seen you be so…unsure of yourself.” You smile reassuringly. “You will be an amazing knight! And I’ll be sure to be the one to knight you when the time comes!”

~~~

You were 10 years old.

“We’re almost there!” Edward has a massive smile on his face as he holds your hand. It feels nice, feels warm. You feel safe whenever you’re around him. The two of you emerge from the forest to a lake. The water was dark and murky but there was nothing mysterious about it. You were here with Edward after all. He would protect you from the dangers of the world. He would always be by your side.

“It’s very pretty here Edward.” You say.

“I know. And we’ll be able to be here alone.” He removes his cloak and sets it down on the ground. “After you my liege.”

The two of you sit together and talk. There’s no other sound aside from the wind and the occasional hoot of an owl. You couldn’t be bothered with them though. What mattered most is that you were here, with Edward. Alone. At one point, he appeared to be lost in thought and he was silent for a while. “Edward? Are you okay?”

“My liege…No, (Y/N).” He looks at you intently. There’s something different about him. His eyes hold something. Was it desire? Warmth? Or could it be…love? “I must confess something to you.”

“Oh.” Your face grew hot. “Of course Edward. What is it?”

He takes a deep breath before gently taking your hands. “I…You have enamored me, my liege. For the past year or so. I cannot help but feel a burning passion for you. My passion burns brighter than the stars, brighter than the flames of the divine. And I believe I will fight everyone for you, slay every monster for you, travel to the end of the world and back! You have captivated me and I…I want to court you.” His cheeks become pink. “Not now! But when I become knighted, I will officially court you my liege. If you will accept?”

“Edward…” Your face was burning hot now. All the blood had rushed to your cheeks. Your lips trembled and so did your hands. He squeezes your hands gently, as if to calm you. “I—”

“I understand if you do not accept. And I promise to take it in stride.”

“Edward,” You say. “I accept.” You were beaming. “I accept! I accept!”

“You do? That’s…That’s wonderful!” He exclaims. “May I…May I kiss you, my liege?”

You gasp. “On the lips?”

“Where else?”

You nod. “You may.”

Edward leans in and presses a gentle kiss on your lips. The warmth spreads like a fire and all over your face. There is nothing more romantic than this. Your first kiss, under the moonlight by a lake. You pull away, looking deep into his eyes. There was nothing but love in them. “In ten years,” You say. “In ten years, we shall marry. By then, you would have been knighted and restored your family’s honor.” Your grip on his hands tighten. “We shall wed Edward when I turn twenty.”

“Yes,” He removes his hands from yours, plucking a flower from the ground. You watch with excitement as he ties the flower around your ring finger on your left hand. “We shall.”

You sigh dreamily, thinking about how grand your wedding would be. “The bells will be ringing all day!”

“So they shall.”

You opened your mouth to say something only to feel a sudden wisp of air. An arrow lands next to you, piercing through the fabric of Edward’s cloak. Your cheek stings and you feel a warm liquid run down your face. Your breath and pulse quicken as the two of you are surrounded. Suddenly, the world feels light. All sound is blocked out. You see Edward’s mouth open, screaming something. He helps you up and tears his cloak from the ground, the fabric ripping through it slightly. Everything feels like a blur. This doesn’t feel real. It wasn’t real right? It couldn’t have been, being ambushed by smugglers. You don’t know what happened. You just remember lots of screaming, some blood, lots of pain, and eventually you fighting your way out of the grasp of a smuggler and trying to run, only to trip over your own feet and for your head to hit something, hard. A rock probably.

~~~

You’re suddenly met with the ceiling. It felt familiar. This was your room of course. You could hear quiet shouting and your eyes glance over to see Lady Nancy scolding her brother. “What were you thinking! You could’ve gotten hurt!”

“Listen! If me and Robin didn’t follow them, then (Y/N) may be gone now! We’re lucky we all made it out in one piece!” He exclaimed.

You lift up your left hand, seeing a flower tied around your finger. How peculiar. Why was it there? And who put it on you? You removed it and tossed it onto the floor of your room. “Lady Nancy? Lord Michael?” You groan as you sit up.

“Oh (Y/N).” Nancy lets out a breath of relief. It seemed like she was holding it in. “You’re awake.”

You blink. “I have to see father.” You say.

“No. You’re supposed to stay in bed—”

But you had already gotten out and began walking, not knowing you had stepped on the flower. You roamed the hallways for a bit, trying to find your father’s office. It took some time, but eventually you found it. The door was ajar and it sounded like…he was yelling? Your father never yelled. Peering through the gap, you saw a boy about your age with brown hair. His posture was straight. He seemed familiar and yet, you could not put a name to his face. You could only listen, hearing your father say that the boy has dishonored his family beyond comprehension. A hand gently lands on your shoulder and you jump. You let out a breath of relief seeing it was Robin. She had wrappings over what you presumed to be her wounds. “Come, my liege. Let’s get you back to your room.” She whispers. “You’ll worry Lady Nancy too much.”

The two of you begin to walk away. Before you leave, you could make out one final statement.

“Edward of House Munson, you will be banished from this kingdom for the rest of your days!”

Who was this Edward of House Munson?

~~~

“What did you do?” A voice asks.

“I didn’t do anything! I just gave my liege some tea to help with mind fog and then they faint! How is it my fault?” The voice answers. It’s Robin’s voice.

You groan and your eyes flutter open. “Learn to keep it down.”

“Oh my liege!” Robin lets out a sigh of relief as you sit up. You see that the person she was talking to was none other than Lord Michael of House Wheeler. “We were so worried!”

“Everyone is.” Michael looks at you. “They’re wondering if something bad happened to you or if you fell ill.”

“I’m…I’m not ill.” You shake your head.

“Well great! Then it means the banquet can officially start.” Mike smiles. “We will leave you.”

“Okay. Sure.” You watch as they leave before Harper comes through the door. “Harper—”

“My liege!” Harper crosses their arms. “You! You had all of us worried!”

“I know. I’m sorry.” You sigh. “I just took some…medicine.”

“Bad medicine.” Harper huffs. “Come now! Let’s get dressed!”

~~~

The suitors were truly…not special. Many of them were knights, asking to court you. You were not entertained however. Your mind kept drifting back to the memories that played while you were sleeping. Edward…Edward of House Munson. He felt familiar. He looked familiar. He reminded you of Eddie actually. Could they be the same person? You shook your head. How could they be the same person? Edward was a determined boy who wanted to clean up his family’s legacy. Eddie was a bard who sang and traveled continuously with a child and another knight. They could not be the same person. Nor could they be related. “Excuse me father. I must stretch my legs.” You stand and walk around for a bit. You just need to clear some thoughts is all—

“Ah! (Y/N)!” A voice chimes.

You turn around and notice a familiar face. “Dustin?”

“Yes! It’s me!” He smiles.

You look around. “What…are you doing here? Are you supposed to be here? And how did you recognize me?”

“Well I was actually invited. I got the letter quite late so we turned around to arrive and get dressed properly.”

“Invited by who?”

“My lady. The one I told you about.” You raise your eyebrow. “You know her. Lady Susie of House Bingham.”

“Oh.” The Binghams had a good reputation. Aside from their child Eden, who had a bit of a spotty reputation. But you wouldn’t be surprised if that wasn’t true. After all, Eddie’s reputation did not match the man he was. “I see. Wait, then where’s—”

Dustin points. “There’s Steve.” The knight is sitting besides Lady Nancy, Robin, and the artist Jonathan. The four of them seem engrossed in their conversation. “He’s catching up.”

“Okay. What about Eddie? Where is he?” You ask.

“He said something about seeing his Uncle Wayne and that he would be running a bit late.” He smiles.

A girl comes up to you both. “My liege.” Susie bows. “Come Dustin! We mustn’t bother the liege.”

“Of course.” Dustin bows. “Thank you for entertaining me, liege.”

You watch as the two of them walk away, talking to each other enthusiastically. You smile. Young love. There was nothing like it. And then it clicked in your head. Eddie. Edward of House Munson. They had to be the same person! Dustin just mentioned that Eddie was visiting his uncle. There was only one person you knew that had an uncle named Wayne.

~~~

You hurry back to your own seat, sitting back down comfortably. The banquet is a standard one, with many people giving you their birthday wishes and your father telling you how much he loves you. However, the hall goes quiet as a man enters the room. He’s wearing a black cloak and his wavy hair reaches his shoulders. He’s holding a lute made of dark wood and his black boots are worn out. Your breath hitches in your throat. Eddie.

He walks with an air of confidence but you could tell by his footsteps that he seems nervous, wary even. He bows before the both of you. “My king. I know I am only a mere bard,” He starts. “But please, would you make a bard happy by letting him sing a song for the liege’s birthday?” His eyes stop on you. Even from afar, you could see that there was love in his eyes, and recognition.

“Very well.” Your father nods.

Eddie smiles up at you. He tunes his lute first before beginning the song. It’s clear to you it’s a love song, a love ballad. And unlike the other ballads of love you’ve listened to, this one feels sincere. There’s something raw about the melody, something that reaches deep inside your soul and makes you remember the feeling of his lips on yours, the way he held your hands, how he would go far and beyond for you. How he promised to fight for you and did. You feel all your sorrows melt away as you listen to his song, his love song. The melody is slow and picks every so often. It’s calming and he grabs the attention of everyone in the room. They listen with just as much intent as you. Your heart pounds against your chest and it hurts. It hurts because you have been far from him for too long. Edward of House Munson had been banished. And despite that, he returned. He returned for you. And he promised you last night that he would come back.

His song comes to a close, causing everyone in attendance to erupt into applause. Truly, it was nothing like they’ve ever heard before and nothing like what the rumors made him out to be. Eddie takes a bow before standing straight. The room quiets as you stand and descend from your seat. “Edward.” You say. “Edward of House Munson…”

The people look around and whisper to each other. Your father straightens his back and leans forward. Eddie looks around and laughs nervously. “I…actually prefer to be called Eddie, my liege.” He smiles. “Have I…wooed you?”

You stop in front of him and look deep into his eyes. Your own glance to his free hand. “Eddie the Bard.” You say. Your hand takes his. “You have wooed me.” You pull him along before he could react. You need to take him somewhere private, somewhere where the two of you can be alone and for no one to interrupt you.

~~~

You reach a balcony where the moonlight can touch both you and Eddie. You take a moment to catch your breath before looking up at him. “Why?” You ask.

“Why what?” He cocks his head to the side.

“Why were you going to leave? Before my birthday.” You purse your lips.

“Well…I saw that you didn’t recognize me.” He says. “And…it hurt. After all, I returned to this kingdom every year around the time of your birthday, hoping you would sneak out and I would see you and we could be reunited.” He smiles. “But I figured it would be for the best to leave you be, you know.”

“Why didn’t you answer my questions? Or tell me while we were at the lake? You could’ve easily told me the truth! Everything!”

“Well I think, personally, it looks suspicious. I mean, you didn’t recognize me or anything. And I would run away if a random man came up to me and started spilling secrets about my youth.” He smiles slightly.

“Okay. You have a point. I didn’t even remember you existed until today actually!” You sigh. “I drank some herbs to help clear brain fog. And…I guess my mind blocked out what happened. And even you…”” You shake your head. “I don’t know how that happened. A spell maybe?”

“I doubt it. It must’ve been stress. We were only…ten and twelve at the time?”

“That’s also true.” You look up at him. “I…After last night, I could not shake off this feeling of familiarity. Like I knew you. Like I knew that place you took me to. And I do know! Now I know.” You gently hold his hands and you think back to the flower on your ring finger, the flower ring. “Now I know why I felt so strongly with you.” You could feel your eyes water. “It’s because…” You look up at him and deep into his eyes. “It’s because I love you. I’ve always loved you. Since that day at the lake! I knew it deep, deep down. I just couldn’t remember!”

Eddie smiles and pulls you closer to his body. “It’s alright.” He chuckles. “I forgive you.”

You let out a small laugh, a few tears falling down your cheeks. He lifts up a hand to wipe them away. “Do not cry my liege. For I am here now.” He says.

“I’m sure I can get my father to undo your banishment.” You mutter.

“That is something for another day. It is your birthday, is it not?”

“It is.”

Eddie’s smile widens. His eyes are full of love. “The song I played is a love song. But I’m sure you knew that. I wrote it for you. It’s gone through many, many revisions since I’ve first written it. I had planned to play it for you on our wedding day.”

You laugh. “It should’ve been today.”

“Life is…complicated. But it brought us back together, right?”

“Yes. Yes it did.” You lean forward.

Eddie meets you in the middle, kissing you deeply. His lips on yours felt right and your hands in his were also right. Everything about him was right. The way he held you close, the way he kissed you, the way he gently reassured you with his words, the way he crafted a beautiful love ballad for you. Under the moonlight, it was just the two of you. It shined on your faces, illuminating the love between you two displayed through your body language. You weren’t one to ask for presents. This was beyond a present. It had to be a gift from a divine being of some sort. Your childhood dreams would come true. You would be able to marry soon, after Eddie’s banishment status was undone. He had traveled the world and back to find you. He came back to the very kingdom where he was banished from so he could woo you and eventually wed you.

It was a love story for the ages.

#stranger things #stranger things season 4 #stranger things medieval au #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x gn!reader #eddie munson x male! reader #eddie munson x fem! reader #gender neutral reader #female reader #male reader #steve harrington #dustin henderson #robin buckley #larry kline

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ryleeee · 4 years ago

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Let's end the stigma surrounding mental health facilities, shall we? I'm going to provide a comprehensive list of all the things that happened whilst I was an inpatient at a childs mental health facility.

1. They allowed me into the kitchen, and encouraged me to bake for the rest of the kids staying there. I made chocolate chip cookies and a cookie pie and brownies and they even allowed me to try making my grandmas crepe recipe, which I taught the staff.

2. They had weekly events to keep things interesting! Sometimes people brought in therapy dogs or we went to a little movie area with the residents outside of our personal building, and we took trips to an on campus secondhand bookstore where we didnt even have to pay for our books (I still have the books I got from there!).

3. One of the staff members was assigned to drive me to my actual elementary school during the day, where we'd hang out in the library in order to expose me to going back to my school. We made a pact that if anyone asked, she was my cousin.

4. We played so many cards. I rock at uno.

5. I was having a tough time, and I was crying on a bench in the hallway and talking to a staff member. This little boy who I had befriended previously comes out of his room dragging his beds comforter behind him, and he says, "you can wipe your tears on this if you want." When I tell y'all I have never loved humanity more.

6. We had a little girl in residence who constantly asked me to watch barbie movies with her. We'd sit in the living room area, and watched the movies, and I can still confess I have no idea what happened in those movies.

7. We played a lot of just dance. I sucked.

8. We were having dessert one night and one of the staff members asks me what I want on my Sunday. So I, like the smart-ass I am, ask for just a bowl of whipped cream. And this madlad comes over to me a minute later with a bowl of whipped cream, not a dollop, I'm talking it swirls up and out of the bowl, and I laugh and shove my face into it like the civilized individual I am.

9. When I first arrived at the institution, there was an episode with one of the older girls, she was having a violent moment and we were all safely locked out of harms way (when I say locked, I mean locked in the kitchen and living room areas, not in a closet. Every door at this place had locks). At lunch the next day, I was alone at the table with the same girl, and she called me cute and then we ate happily in silence.

10. They just straight up forgot me one day. We had a daily quiet time, where every resident was locked in their own rooms so that they could have time to themselves, read or listen to music, etc etc. The staff are supposed to come after the hour was up and let everybody out, and they did. Everyone except me. I heard them unlocking the other doors and conversing through the walls, and I just sat twiddling my thumbs. And then maybe ten minutes later, a staff member opens up my door and goes, "sorry, we forgot about you. You're just always so quiet." I still laugh about it today, what an on brand thing to happen to me.

11. They had one computer in our residence (there were plenty more at the school though) and you had to be supervised when you used it. So I got on one day, and I'm wondering what I should do, so I boot up some madlibs. And people flocked, let me tell you, half the residents were crowded around this computer shouting out adjectives and nouns and cracking up. It wasn't even that funny, but I remember laughing so much it hurt because there were so many people there laughing too.

12. I was having a rough time, and I was moping in the halls like a long forgotten ghost, and one of the staff comes over and asks what's wrong. More specifically, she says, "you know how I know somethings wrong? You always hang your head when you're struggling." So I vent a little about my depression, and how I feel like nobody cares about me, and how all the staff don't really care, they're just paid to attend to us, and she actually laughs and says, "do you think I'd go through years of advanced schooling to do something I don't care about? I'd come here and work these long hours to do something I didn't actually care about? We all care about you." And when I tell you I soBBED.

13. I became instant friends with this girl my age, although she was slightly older than me. And we were hanging out in one of the rooms, surrounded by bins of toys made for children much younger than us, and we looked at each other, and went, "yeah, absolutely, we're going to revert back to being toddlers." So we each grab a barbie, and we're entirely unironically playing with them, creating soap opera level plotlines with dramatic flourishes and hair flips (the hair flips, y'all, it cracked us up). We did this for hours.

14. Once we had entirely analyzed every DVD they had on hand there, the staff allowed us to take a trip to one of the other resident buildings to steal some other movies. I went with another girl and one of the staff members, and we knocked on the door and waltzed into an all boys residence, passed a few guys playing video games, chatted with a few of them, and then raided their DVD stash. And then we went back with our spoils after a completely undramatic adventure.

15. When plans for me leaving fell through, there was an awkward period where I'd go home for the nights, but my parents would drive me back in the daytime. So obviously, my room was passed on to another resident, and they were at full capacity. So for those quiet time locked in your room to chill moments, they just sat me down in the living room with a whole ass TV and just let me go wild. I didn't go wild, but I could've, yknow? I had a whole ass TV!!

These places aren't perfect. There are harmful ones, there are these institutions done incorrectly all across the globe. But they're not scary when they're done right, and neither are the people in them. They're places for healing, for help, for support. Those aren't things that you need to be scared of.

It wasn't a shameful experience. It was a time I remember fondly, I've gathered so many fun memories from that place, because the people in those establishments were warm and lively and worthy, both staff and patients.

#mental health #mental heath awareness #mental heath support #mental facilities #mental health stigma #mental hospital #mental institution #stigma

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dollsorwhatever · 5 years ago

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Tarina Tarantino Barbie OOAK 2008

I can’t believe how surreal this is for me LOL story and photos below the cut!! In 2008, jewelry designer Tarina Tarantino collaborated with Mattel to create a collection of Barbie jewelry pieces... and a Barbie Collector doll:

Let me tell you, this doll was EVERYTHING to me. I was thirteen, about to be fourteen, and this doll was the only thing I wanted for my birthday, period. I spent hours just looking at her online; the fluffy, curly pink hair, the incredibly detailed jewelry, all of those amazing clothing pieces and the stunning box, her gorgeous face.. I would have died for this doll lol. To this day, she’s my favorite Barbie Collector doll ever released, and one of my favorite Barbie dolls to ever exist, I was so giddy when I got her! The good parts are below the cut:

When the doll was launched at Tarina Tarantino’s studio in 2008, there were six OOAK custom dolls on display at the party as well, to be auctioned off for charity. They’re the same base doll as the general release Tarina, but the hair and jewelry are unique and they each came with a fully bedazzled car (or a Moped in one example), and a piece of jewelry from the collection. The six dolls were: Candy Cameo Barbie

Sparkling Star Barbie

Peace, Love and Sparkle Barbie

Hippie Princess Barbie

Glam Rock Barbie

And finally, the subject of this post, Popstar Barbie

I can’t even describe how much I LOVED these dolls, particularly Popstar and Sparkling Star. I had their pictures saved on my computer and I would just look at them all the time, google pictures of them from the launch party and think about how lucky I would be to own one of them. Sadly I wasn’t very careful with my dolls when I was 14, and eventually my Tarina became a little busted and I got rid of her. I did get a second one at Big Lots when I was 15, but I kinda destroyed her too lol. What’s funny is that Tarina is actually the #1 reason why I became a member of the online doll community; I tried washing her (curly, kanekalon) hair, ruined it, and in searching for ways to fix it I found and joined the Flickr doll community, without which I never would have learned about doll photography, hair restyling or any of the amazing dolls I discovered through this community. She quite literally changed my life when I was 14 lol. Anyways, I’ve always wanted to get a new Tarina to leave NIB but it was never the right time, until last week when I decided to go looking at pictures of her...and then, at the top of Google Images, was a listing for Popstar Barbie, with her Swarovski encrusted Corvette, on a secondhand designer clothing website for about 340$.

I can’t even describe how FRANTIC I became lmfao. I had to wait about 4 days to buy her, until I got paid, and then I bought her as quickly as I could. She just got here today and frankly, I can die happy now. Sorry for these rough pics lol I have a migraine and didn’t want to set up to take good photos today. She came in a plain white cardboard box with a Tarina Tarantino sticker on the top, wrapped in pink tissue paper:

She is in EXCELLENT condition, even her hair looks completely untouched. Here’s a photo of her that was taken around the time of the launch:

She’s in the same condition as she was, all those years ago when this photo was taken! As previously mentioned, her base is identical to the general release; the only differences are that her hair is rooted with a side part and (expertly) cut and styled into a Farrah wave, her jewelry is entirely different and custom made, and her purse is covered with little rhinestones to match. Also her stand is signed by Tarina!! She’s incredibly beautiful, ughh

I think her jewelry might actually be Swarovski, since Tarina really likes to work with their stones. She’s absolutely pristine, actually I’m quite certain she was put in the box immediately after the auction and never touched again. Much to my delight and surprise, she also came with the original auction card, the pedestal it stood on, and her COA, all wrapped in official Tarina Tarantino tissue paper (as well as the necklace, still in the little drawstring baggy):

This was SO exciting for me to see as I never expected the card to be included, but I’m so pleased to have it! And last but not least, the car!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was fully wrapped in plastic in the shipping box, and I re-wrapped it after taking this quick/messy photo. It’s the 2008 TRU exclusive Corvette, but absolutely SOAKED in crystals. The rims and tires, the headlights, even the seatbelts and windshield edges are just absolutely covered in different, individually placed stones (mostly Swarovski AB crystals I believe) Also! That black thing on the front is a resin SKULL with gemstone eyes!!!! Absolutely incredible. I find it absolutely, completely 100% unbelievable that I own this doll, this doll that I’ve coveted since I was 14 and NEVER thought I would own in a million years, this one of a kind doll that was physically displayed at Tarina Tarantino’s studio and signed by Tarina herself...and she’s mine. It frankly feels like destiny considering how much I love the original doll, and how big a part she’s played in my life as a doll collector. I also purchased a general release Tarina Barbie shortly after getting her, to keep NIB and display with the OOAK (and also because I really, really, really missed owning her lol)

The current plan is to keep this doll NIB, and then purchase another NIB Tarina- that way I’ll have one to debox and restyle, and I can repackage the OOAK in her box for permanent safekeeping and display. Actually I plan on purchasing two more Tarinas haha; one NIB to steal her box and leave stock, and a loose one to restyle and rebody lol. As for the car, I plan on packaging it to remain pristine and safe, perhaps in a clear acrylic case, and putting it in my closet for safekeeping when it’s not on display in my room. I plan on setting up my lightbox (the one I’ve owned for years and literally never use) and taking a shit ton of detailed, HQ photos of both Barbie and her Corvette for documentation purposes; I feel absolutely honored to own this doll and I really want to capture every detail for people to see. Anyway long post, thanks for reading sksksks

#barbie #tarina tarantino #tarina tarantino barbie #barbie collector gold label #gold label #barbie signature #2008 #ooak doll

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hephaestiions · 4 years ago

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hi! love your work, and i just wanted to ask: why do you write?

what a heartbreaking question. i wish i had a proper answer, but since i don’t, have a piece of my heart instead.

i was a latchkey kid. both my parents worked till late in the evening, and five year old me spent hours after school walking through the rooms of our two-storey house in the suburbs, pulling clothes out of the cupboards wanting to feel grown-up, mixing up perfumes and shampoo and lotion to make potions, spilling acrylic paint on the tiles instead of the blank side of my father’s unimportant documents that he kept in a separate folder with my name on it for those restless hours when my hands itched to do something, anything.

i was too young at first to really understand loneliness. i had dolls and i had clothes and i had paint and i had books and i didn’t need my mom or dad, because the world had two floors and a very interesting attic with fancy spiderwebs in all the corners. but little kids grow up, and they talk to their friends about what they did yesterday afternoon and their friends tell them, ‘my mom made me aloo parathas for lunch!’ or ‘my dad and i went to the park’ or ‘my little brother is so annoying, he scattered all my colour pencils across the floor.’ then, little kids, who think they’re all grown up when they’re eight years old, start to understand loneliness a little too well. when their parents come home, exhausted and irritable from a long day with an extra work hour, they throw tantrums and refuse dinner and try not to cry, because where were you, why didn’t you take me to the swings, why don’t i have an annoying little sister?

my parents tried their best to answer those questions when the words and tears spilled. we were at work, because unless we go to work, there won’t be any dinner for you to say you don’t want. we couldn’t take you to the swings because we were at work, but maybe we can go tomorrow evening, it’s a saturday. and about the siblings– well, um, hmm, well you see, god gifts adults whom he has deemed responsible enough with– you get where that one went at least.

but explanations soothe the brain, not the heart or the soul or the vicious waves of childhood envy that make you want to kidnap other people’s siblings from their homes after sleepovers. and because kidnapping isn’t what we do, not even as lonely eight year olds, i started storytelling. storywriting. story-brainstorming, whatever it is one wants to call pulling out twelve of my mother’s dupattas and tying them around my body and running to the roof in the pouring rain to call myself a rainbow. and then taking it further and further– a rainbow who became best friends with a raindrop, and after they both died (in the clouds and on concrete respectively), they found each other again in rain heaven and went on monsoon laden adventures with fairies and mermaids. a witch in the woods who made potions with rose scented water and perfumes, who found a flower with a scent so strong that she was commissioned by the king to brew him cologne that would never fade. my mother did not appreciate the liberal wastage of expensive gucci perfume for that last one, but she didn’t really know after all. she didn’t know that the witch left the woods for the first time in years to deliver the cologne to the king, she didn’t know about the witch’s bird friends, she didn’t know about the mouse who was a prince in disguise.

my parents still tell this story to anyone who will listen: i cried and cried and cried when i found out my mother had drunk all of the water from a specific bottle i put near the window because the water had travelled all the way from the himalayas to have a conversation with the window panes about what they’ve seen on their journeys.

my father bought me a notebook because i scrawled my stories on the walls, on the windowsills, on the backs of not just his unimportant documents, but also the important ones. and the joy, the sheer, unadulterated joy of scrawling your name on the first stiff page of a notebook, of filling up the contents page with headings that now, in retrospect, are far more interesting than the titles i come up with for fic (you’re telling me song lyrics are somehow better than ‘the mermaid who ate a guitar’?)– that joy, even today, is unparalleled.

i started storytelling because i was a lonely kid in desperate need of company. i started writing because the blankness of my barbie dolls’ eyes in the artificial audience grew a little disconcerting and the whole point of paper is eradicating, annihilating the blankness in favour of smudged graphite and scrawled ink.

i have other, shorter answers for this question which are all true. i write because it makes me kinder. i write because it makes the world clearer. i write as a coping mechanism, i write as a celebration. i write because my brain doesn’t ever really stop and some ideas are too precious to lose.

but i mainly write because this world is full of stories. there’s a story to be told in the chewing gum container on my dressing table, a story to be told about the frayed edges of my secondhand copy of hamlet, a story in the half drunk cup of coffee on my desk. and i write because someone needs to tell those stories.

#thank you so much for the question #forgive me you probably wanted a shorter answer #but have this massive rambling thing instead #writing #ask #Anonymous

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isadcrajade · 5 years ago

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💀 * [ barbie ferreira + cis female + she/her ] —— have you met isadora oliveira ? they are a twenty-one year old sophomore currently studying fashion design & merchandising. they live on keating house, and word around campus is that this aries is loyal + warm, as well as self-objectifying + obsequious. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. chocolate covered strawberries, gothic platforms, lingerie under leather jackets.

hiii bbies it’s me (gabby) finally here again to post this finalized, messy version of isa’s intro! she’s a brand new never-been-played muse of mine so it’s def bound to be a bit more scattered & less developed than ezra’s, but also much shorter? so i mean there’s a bonus lmao alright here we go:

so isadora (also known by many nicknames such as isa, izzy, iz, & dora the explora if ur trying to piss her off vgbjhksjs) was definitely not brought up in a world of prestige and recognition like the one she’s become so accustomed to in attending holloway university

growing up in the small town of lisbon, maine the only reality isa knew during her childhood was that of living as the only child of a woman who was (TW) both a compulsive liar & and compulsive hoarder. their house was floor to ceiling with things her mom collected as well as garbage built up over time- her condition had already driven isa’s father out of the house when she was just three years old, and she never had a relationship with him as a result

she was still fairly young when she realized the true severity of her own situation, just how abnormal it was compared to that of her friends. she missed out on so many rights of passage during her upbringing like birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. for much of her life her own living space / bedroom were just as bad off as the rest of the house, given her mom’s inability to keep from passing her hoarding tendencies onto her daughter. isa simply didn’t know any better at the time. to her, that was normal.

not only was her mom a compulsive liar & hoarder but she was also extremely neglectful, often leaving isa to her own devices in the dangerous environment they called home. as a result of this she (TW ED) developed harmful coping mechanisms surrounding food, regularly overeating to combat negative feelings of loneliness, and this went on from the time she was just a little girl all the way until she was in high school

high school was rough in many ways- she suffered depression, anxiety, experienced bullying at the hands of the more popular kids for her weight & her mother’s financial situation, and was all around extremely isolated from her peers- the only person she really had to depend on was her cousin (WC) . she had so much respect and envy for her cousin, they had more of a sisterly dynamic than anything, she was just so gorgeous and everything she did just seemed so effortless, to the point isa couldn’t help but idolize her and consider her a best friend.

like, remember when spongebob said he hoped that by being in squidward’s presence some of his artistic ability would rub off onto him? that was deadass isa & (WC) in high school jhbksnjs my girl was so sure if she just spent enough time with her she’d inherit some of her pretty & cool

high school was also where she reached a turning point when it came to her home environment, able to put a name to her mom’s condition after years of struggling with her strained and toxic relationship with her mom, and ultimately changed the rest of her life. she stayed the night at (WC’s) one night and after she fell asleep, isa stayed up watching TLC- it was there that she first discovered the TV show ‘hoarding: buried alive’ and realized there was a name for her mother’s infliction- but more importantly, learned that there was help available for her condition

when she went home to excitedly tell her mother that she’d basically discovered a cure, a means to change everything for them... she certainly hadn’t been expecting the reaction that came: her mom, who’d always been so indifferent toward her, so lethargic and uninterested in what she had to say, was suddenly listening very clearly- and she was not happy. isa had never heard her mom scream like that, had never really heard her express any heightened emotion, but it was in that moment at 17 years old, just a few weeks away from her 18th birthday, that she realized what she needed to do. she had no choice but to make plans to leave her mom behind.

the final weeks leading up to the big day she was counting on as a turning point consisted of her cleaning out her own space, little by little, enough that she had somewhere to set up her secondhand laptop and webcam. blowing out the candles on her 18th birthday cake came with wishing for a whole new life, and she was determined to make that for herself by any means necessary.

(TW SEX WORK) isa spent half her 18th year in her room working as a successful camgirl, showing everything but her face, & of course always being careful not to dox herself. she eventually earned enough money to start buying herself nicer clothes, but it didn’t take her long to realize she wanted more from life than just rotting away in her hometown. she bought herself a higher quality webcam to keep making money... and a nice sewing machine, something she’d always dreamed of owning.

all her life she’d been drawing and sketching as a means of escapism, it’d always been therapeutic to her to be creative and conjure up unique designs for outfits in her mind, drawing models in all shapes and sizes to represent her fantasy outfits. but she never felt like a visionary, even though anyone with an eye for fashion who got a look at her work could see that she had the natural talent and potential to be.

isa had been an a straight-A student her whole life despite having almost no support at home from her mother growing up, and with plenty of encouragement from (cousin WC), she plucked up the courage and applied for holloway university, with ivory falls being far enough from her hometown of lisbon, but still in the same state so that she could go and see her mother from time to time (bc although their relationship is quite strained now, she still loves and worries about her)

the next summer she received her acceptance letter at holloway u for the coming fall semester, and the fact that she’d been able to make it into such a prestigious school made her feel so proud of herself that she completely underwent a massive arc of character development; evolving into someone so much more confident. realizing that plenty of people found her desirable as she continued to earn money through cam shows had been part of that transformation, but realizing she was talented enough to get accepted into the fashion design and merchandising program at her dream school had a completely different effect on her.

( TW BODY IMAGE ISSUES ) isa decided that as she entered college, she was no longer going to be the meek, insecure girl constantly playing the role of the doting, loyal fat best friend to the ‘prettier main characters’ she’d always been sidekick to- she told herself that she was the main fucking character in her life from here on, and has spent her entire college experience up to this point just,, navigating as she figures out what that really means to her

still has a terrible underlying tendency to be overly-loyal and a bit obsessive with girls she closely befriends, if she has any kind of jealousy towards them. but ! is a lot more confident than she used to be, and it shows in the way she dresses and carries herself, as well as in her long-term goals (to transfer to FIDM for her final years of university)

( TW ED MENTION ) as a young adult, she’s mostly she’s replaced the compulsion to deal with her body image issues by using food to cope that she had as a teenager... by using sex to cope instead, so she’s definitely a bit promiscuous but does her best to keep that Her Own business

personality-wise she has a massive heart & is loyal to a fault but is also wild AF & loves a good time! never rly dabbled in drugs until she got to college but since then has acquired an interest in trying everything under the sun, even if it’s just one and done. mostly though she just likes to get really drunk & stupid. used to feel like she was constantly living in her cousin’s shadow, & in some ways she still does, but she’s trying hard to make herself believe that she’s reached a place where she won’t be playing second fiddle to anyone, ever again

i’m gonna shut the hell up now & stop pretending i know this character better than i do bc i deadass do not jbhnjss like she’s literally brand new so lemme go head & leave plenty of room for development!

same story as ezra i’ll have a full connections page posted for her soon but in the meantime some ideas i have are: friends, frienemies, ex friends, high school bullies, classmates, old high school friends, people she gets fuckt up with on the reg, people she hooks up with on the reg (any gender, she’s bisexual / biromantic), someone she had a crush on in high school / has pined for from afar maybe?? someone who used to watch her cam shows?? someone she almost kinda dated but Not? someone who she hooked up with while they were dating someone else?? idk that’s what i have for now but there’ll be more where that came from <3 xoxo like this or hmu !

#holloway.intro #this is a hot ass mess #but i'm rly excited to finally play her x

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acosmic · 5 years ago

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thots on dolls, i'm curious abt how u got into them/what u like abt them

dolls are neat! sometimes you’re a fourteen-year-old kid with unrestricted internet access living in a town without art and a best friend who you hate as much as you hate yourself -- but this friend has good taste sometimes and oh no

they show you, or you find, this, and it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. (taste is an acquired thing, i don’t know what i was thinking). and then there’s her (it’s been eight years and i’d still sell my soul for her) and her and these and these and even this hideous fucker has amazing detailed construction and tiny intricate details if you look closely even though he’s ugly as all hell (his owner and i are no longer friends, he was not a factor but i’m so glad i get to trash him because jesus christ what IS that). and you look into it a bit further and holy shit you can customize them, they come in one colour and sometimes in pieces and when you’re doing their makeup you’re actually pretty much adding their skin since they don’t have blood vessels or freckles or anything. and you can make their clothes and wigs and shoes (it’s way cheaper that way) and there are wildly different sizes and styles and levels of poseability and they only really became a thing in the late 90s so the older ones look simplistic and awkward but they still look sweet. some of them have intense expressions, or stylized ones, but most of them only come with one face and photographing them is like making postmortem pictures look lifelike.

they have this weird sense of personality to them, even the serene-looking ones. when i bought ada (third link above), it was kind of terrifying? she was tiny and fragile and the seller didn’t put her head on and she came in a pink child-size shoebox with all these tiny tiny clothes and accessories with her face painted on (here she is) and she was literally seventeen centimetres tall. i hate kids, i’m not a fan at all, but it was like seeing a new baby. and then she was a brat! she doesn’t like holding poses, her limbs snap around, her head lolls around on its socket, and she goes cross-eyed if you bump her slightly. she can’t decide on a hairstyle or eye colour, she hated her original face and she hates how i redid it, and she’s too tiny and delicate to take anywhere. i love her so fucking much. i’ve had her since i turned sixteen, and i’m twenty-two now. the reason i like lola so much isn’t just that hesitant alien is a kickass album, it’s because there’s this weird little creature and it’s you and it’s also not you and it’s your best friend and a strong critic of your every move and it’s cute and it’s fuzzy and it’s not real like a person but it’s kind of more real than that?

other dolls are cool too. i’ve spent more time with this $40 impulse purchase than i have with all $200 USD of ada, and i love her a lot too, but in a different way. some people use dolls to “shell” their characters, but mine tend to just happen, and ada’s character is more important than emi’s, no matter how cooperative emi is. one of my other oldest dolls is a pair of legs (because she’s the type you can buy as separate parts) and i keep putting off assembling her entire body because she feels like art and she’s kind of my favourite weird sculpture now. even the ones that don’t work out are really neat to have around -- most doll hobbyists sell members of their collection that don’t work, some are like revolving doors, others keep everything, so there’s always a secondhand market going that you can add to or pull from, or just look at for inspiration.

the customization aspect is really fun, too. some of them you have to reinvent from the ground up (i finally got a blythe and that’s what i’ll be doing with her as soon as my WIP list is at a better point), others you have weirder tasks on, like dyeing or repainting a body to revitalize it/suit a character (doing that to a unoa kit like the one pictured above) or modifying it to improve poseability or visuals (i’ve been hacking at a barbie body so she can bend her legs to fit in her wheelchair). sculpting your own dolls is a super-involved process, but i’ll do that eventually too (reading books about it is really meditative, especially since they tend to be in other languages so you have to inspect the pictures super closely. it’s like targeted dreaming). making doll clothing was a really strong draw for me for a while -- i wasn’t happy with how i exist in a body and it’s never the way i want, so i used dolls as kind of clothing horses for styles or designs i wouldn’t or couldn’t wear myself. now that i feel better about that, the dolls just kind of get what they want (and i’ve been neglecting them to sew for myself lmao but they don’t mind).

my phases run in weird cycles, so i’m really out of the loop on new developments relating to anything other than mattel inc. (the fashion doll community on tumblr is great), but it seems like the hobby is getting a lot more creative and a lot less stale than it was the first couple of times i was really into it. it’s this fluid, ever-changing thing that makes jumping back in really interesting (and a lot of work), but there’s still this comforting base to it that stays the same (use respiratory protection and high-quality materials when doing faceups, don’t buy recasts, volks/fairyland/alchemic labo are popular and cute). and if you swap doll types, there’s months/years more of entertainment. (i have big gay autism, or, like, adhd-autism crux/combination, and research is so fun)

dolls are great! they’re like muses, photography subjects, OCs, clothes horses, mascots, art projects, and (sometimes) investments all at once. whatever kind of phase i’m in, there’s something i can do with them. and they’re good company, and great for decoration and indulging your goth sensibilities and freaking out your visitors if you feel like it

random bag of onions to finish off: creepy and cute are accidental and if you deliberately aim for them you’ll get boring off-base results, what kayla said about s*x dolls applies to other types of doll too (if you try to put too many conventionally attractive features together you’ll just end up with something uncanny and grotesque instead of something really beautiful), toyetic design is for babies, doll hobbyists esp. forum communities still have a lot of unconscious biases esp. racism and homophobia to unpack, recasting is art theft and is killing the community via its artists but barbie/blythe/integrity knockoffs are basically a moral responsibility, and art dolls with huge hips are the new minifee chloes

#this got long because i. dolls.#asks #vampixie

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nomiliy · 5 years ago

Text

The Devil’s Holed Up in Redcliffe

Darren Shan shot back the first half of his second Rob Roy. He had asked the bartender to pour boozy, be generous with the scotch, and cheap with the bitters.

But he wasn’t feeling a damn thing.

The night was still young by university and baby-alcoholic standards, but he desperately wished his tolerance was lower. Maybe then he’d forget the absolute hellscape this day had become.

He found himself in a musty corner booth of Seven Star Pub in Redcliffe. It was Saturday night, approximately 11:15 pm —peak pub crawl hours—and not even the bar’s basement lighting and thick, cancerous clouds of Newport smoke could hide his crumbling disposition. Smashed between grimy leather upholstery and Steve Leonard’s grimy leather jacket with barely legal freshers from Bristol University and Chelsea fans screaming their heads off over missed goals was not how Darren envisioned his Valentine’s eve.

But what can you do when the love of your life is an arsehole?

Honestly, Darren was more surprised by the fact that Tom Jones and Alan Morris even wanted to go out tonight. It made sense for Tom since this was the first Valentine’s in two years that he’d be alone. But Alan was so married to his studies at Bath University he barely had time for anything that wasn’t lizard scale samples.

But when the redhead texted Steve and Darren about cheering up their mate, Steve being the good friend he rarely is, answered for them—as if they didn’t already have plans!

Darren cursed Tommy’s superstar status. If not for Tom Jones, the four would have never gotten a table. But as the star goalie for Bath’s football club, Jones and company enjoyed pseudo-celebrity perks after rumor got round that Chelsea, Manchester United, and Tottenham were scouting him.

Darren wanted nothing more than to go home to their little flat and roll between the sheets with his handsome Jewish boyfriend. Instead, he sipped on weak cocktails and silently glared at said handsome prick.

Steve sat on the outside of the booth with his arm spread over the back. His legs mirrored the care-free stance and took up most of the real estate underneath the table as well. His face held a gentle flush that colored the top of his broad chest. He was already intoxicated; the fact that he chose stout drinks only hammed up his low tolerance.

Darren occasionally felt his thigh rub against his own, as if to say “sorry, babe” without having to out themselves to Tom and Alan. Or without having to apologize or admit he was a jerk.

Darren sat closer than he knew he should for public outings. He found himself, at times, resting his head atop a built arm or leaning into the partly open embrace despite Alan and Tom chatting across from them. But Seven Star was so crowded, and the February winds stuck to his bones in a perpetual chill. How could he not cuddle up with that platinum blond devil?

He told himself that the guys would think it a consequence of too many drinks, the cold, and the fact that Steve had virtually no sense of personal space.

With how Tom barreled through his third pint of Guinness and Alan nursing his watered-down rum and coke, he doubt they’d notice.

Darren and Steve had managed to keep their friends and family out of the loop for the past few years. Not by fear of rejection from the community at large, but more so by anything interrupting their routine. Steve was convinced that Alan and Tom wouldn’t treat them the same if they knew; they would tiptoe around the subject, give them glances every time they did something remotely ‘cute,’ buy them those stupid ‘His & His’ coffee cups and towels that Steve just loved to pitch a fit about every time they popped up in his recommended search history.

“Are you searching for this shit, Dare?!”

They had their fair share of rows, but whether to tell their friends was always an all-out battle. Usually, it would end with Steve storming out of the flat to cool off with a smoke. He’d come back after an hour or so, curl up with Darren in bed, and give a quick apology shag before passing out for the night. Honestly, it was a routine that Darren thoroughly enjoyed.

The platinum blond terror had calmed down quite a bit since they got together, mellowed by domestic bliss and brain-frying university life to cause much trouble. He didn’t throw things like when he was a teenager, he talked his feelings out (for the most part), him and his mum were on wonderful terms, and he kept up with his aggression therapy after all these years.

But Steve was still, as Officer Crawley put it, ‘a bloody menace.’

Now, Steve didn’t do anything to get himself arrested anymore (like attempted arson, public battery, and joyriding) but he was still a royal git. Which was particularly infuriating with Steve being so bloody charming. The way he belted Black Sabbath and Metallic in that crooning baritone on the train, how he didn’t give a rat’s arse about the sideways glances, how he re-enacted whole scenes of An American Werewolf in London right down to the American accent and blood-chilling howl in the dead of night stalking Kings Street.

Darren always thought Steve would’ve made a spectacular actor. He had the face, the smooth vocals that were damn sinful in Yiddish, the body—Lord, his pecs and arms!— a flair for melodramatics, a sharp grin, but yet a soft smile, a real smile that he’d toss over the kitchen counter while nuking a box of hot pockets at 3:00 A.M. or when he’d roll over in bed and pull Darren tight to his chest just to smile into his neck and grind his morning wood into—

“Think that girl’s got the look on you, Steve,” Alan noted over his straw before sucking down the last of his rum and coke.

Darren’s blood flared through his cheeks in a rolling boil. He didn’t even try to hide behind his jumper sleeve.

Tommy’s perked expression and sharp, goalie-box trained eyes revved on him. “Oi, what’s with the face, Darren?” he asked with some frothy head caught in his baby-stache.

His ex Sharona hated that fuzzy upper lip, but now that she was gone, Darren noted, Tommy let that, and a multitude of other things, slip. His ash-brown crew cut had gone shaggy along with his untrimmed whiskers. He reeked of the field, he developed dark bags under his eyes, and he never seemed to have a clean shirt.

Steve glanced at the flush on Darren’s cheeks, then made a clipped, rolling cackle low in his throat. His shoulder lazily bumped the black-haired Irishmen, and Darren just knew he was bloody smashed.

“That iron tolerance failing you, Shan?” Steve cackled again, losing nearly half of his third Old Fashion over the rim with each jerky sway. “Or you jealous?”

“Oh, definitely,” Darren snapped, “just positively green over here from all the jailbait they were too stupid to card drooling over your Jewish prick.”

“Deepest apologies, mate,” he grinned, “maybe while I’m shaggin’ one of ‘em you can swoop in and comfort their poor, cryin’ beaus with your arse.”

Darren went about nine shades of red ranging from ‘embarrassed’ to ‘furious.’

Then the absolute evil laugh that rumbled out of Steve’s chest added the shade murderous.

He saw Tom go red from secondhand embarrassment, and Alan wouldn’t make eye contact over the rim of his glass. On top of the guys not knowing about their relationship, they also had no idea that Steve wasn’t completely straight. Darren could gather what this looked like: Childhood best friends having a go at each other and one going way over the line. But if they knew what this was (a closeted bi-man hamming up his straight-schtick) then maybe they’d feel a bit of pity.

But all Darren could feel was rage.

“You’re sloshed, Steve,” Darren downed the last of his Rob Roy in a smooth toss. “Maybe you should slow down before you get yourself killed.”

“Think I’m a shot away from that,” Steve said with a shake of his now empty glass. “Hey,” he called over the throngs of people, “in the Megadeath jumper!”

The waitress, a thin woman with fake tits that could double as floaties when the breeze knocked her imbalanced arse into the Thames, glanced the boys’ way.

She nearly dropped.

Darren gave himself an aneurysm suppressing an eye roll. Yes, Stephen Ezekiel ‘The Leopard’ Leonard was bloody fit; get it together and take the damn order!

But he couldn’t really blame the girl. When a Jewish bad-boy with a shocked-blond undercut, two-day stubble, suped-up glamour muscles busting through a (lifted) leather jacket, and a deadly grin leers at you over several empty cocktails, what else can you do?

Frankly, despite the waitress having no fault in this, she was kindly welcome to go drop her arse on someone else’s boyfriend.

“Hi there, love,” his voice dropped another octave when the waitress slid between the booths.

She leaned over the table right into Steve. Her band jumper was torn up and distressed around the neck, letting her ample cleavage spill through and work for those extra fivers. Her name tag said ‘Gina,’ but the occult tattoos rolling up her arms in complete sleeves, splotchy dye-job, and vampy, silicone plumped lips screamed ‘Sex-Metal Barbie.’

“What can I get you, boys?” she asked out of politeness. Darren could see that her attention sparked only on Steve.

“Can I get another old fashion here? Still a bit thirsty,” he jingled the ice cubes in his glass with a wink.

Darren rolled his eyes, shoved his empty glass to the end of the booth, and willed the goth centerfold out of existence.

“An’ a Rob Roy for my mate here,” Steve quickly added, “Famous Grouse scotch, light on the vermouth, three black cherries.”

Gina giggled at the order, possibly finding the specificity endearing. “Wish my girlfriends knew me like that,” she said with an effortless smile. She wrote it down far too quickly on a loose napkin. “I’ll have those right out.”

When she stepped away, Darren saw her hand smooth over Steve’s shoulder.

He bristled at the sight. Her fingers gripped at the taut muscle, massaging the stress knots drilled in by his engineering course load.

Then she left the napkin there, right in front of Steve. Clear as day, for all the table to see, was her phone number and her name with a little heart over the ‘i’ in ‘Gina.’

Tom clapped his thick-bottomed glass on the table with rounded out laughter. “On the prowl already!”

Alan roused back up from his one-drink stupor, jostled his tragic bowl cut around looking for the waitress. “Did she take our drink order? I want another rum and coke,” he asked in a sleepy tilt, sprawling flat on top of the table once more.

Steve looked over the booth, and Darren just knew he was watching her walk away in those skin-tight jeans. But then, the blond tossed a sly smile to Tom and Alan. He slipped the digits right inside his jacket pocket then tapped it with a knowing look.

And that was the final straw for Darren Shan.

Read the rest on AO3~!

#darren shan #the saga of darren shan #Steve Leonard #Steve Leopard #steve x darren #stevedarren #starren #darrensteve #ao3 #ao3fic #don't wanna get flagged so read the naughty bits on ao3 #long fic #long reads #cirque du freak #cdf

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