#and so I'm very careful when I critique clients

[kaija-rayne-author]

Spoilers for Tevinter Nights and today's reveal on upcoming DA4 companions. Educational review of The Wigmaker/Lucanis Dellamorte character.

I'm happy that I called Neve Gallus and Lace Harding as companions in DA4. Neve looks amazing!

Really really wish I'd been wrong about Lucanishit Dellamorte.

The story 'The Wigmaker' in Tevinter Nights of the so called 'mage-killer' (who would actually be Marius or Tessa thank you very much) was one of the most poorly characterized pieces of crap I've ever read in my entire 12 years as an editor.

And trust me, please, when I say I've had to edit some real stinkers.

Agree with me or not, I honestly don't care. I know I'm right. Why?

Because there's science behind what works in writing good characters, good settings, good (insert a part of a story).

Editors like me exist to gently (or sometimes not so gently) smack an author over the head with the 'no, that's a ridiculous idea, perhaps tweak it to this instead' stick. And that character was ridiculous on so many levels.

I've already had people get rudely in my face for sharing a personal (and professional) opinion about Lucanishit today.

Reading is subjective. But what that actually means, is that what I like in a story, and what another person likes in a story will be different.

It's not a statement on professional quality of the story in question. That's a completely different topic.

It's very possible to enjoy a story with bad any of the above. Especially if you love reading and weren't foolish enough to become an editor like me.

Word to the wise, if you love reading? Don't become an editor. You end up developing all these pesky standards and knowledge about how story works (and how it doesn't).

It's even possible to enjoy a story that's poorly written or edited. But that enjoyment, which, yes, is absolutely subjective, is still not the same as whether the character, story, setting, or writing are actually good in the professional sense.

I have several NYT bestselling clients. I've worked in and around trad pub and indie pub for more than a decade. How story works is absolutely one of my AuDHD special interests, and as such, I've studied the nuts and bolts of it like I do any of my special interests. I'm not talking out of my ass here.

The fact is that some things work in writing, and some things don't. Some things work in particular types of stories, and some things don't. It's just the nature of the beast.

Seriously. Without being pissed off at me for disliking a story you may have liked? Think about it and read my professional issues with the character.

Something I feel we, as writers, need to constantly be doing is improving our craft. It always surprises me how many writers just get pissy and attack rather than taking the opportunity to engage in free education.

Because when an experienced professional of any sort breaks something down like this, that's what we're doing. Offering free education. (Tips are very much appreciated.)

This critique is based on the story 'The Wigmaker' in Tevinter Nights where we first meet Lucanis. I really hope the Lucanis we get in game will be different.

In the entirety of the DA series (books, games, comics, everything) have you ever seen an Antivan Crow act like such a chuny, emo edgelord? Nope.

A supposed Antivan Crow strutting around like some arrogant, badly imagined, assassin version of Harry Dresden just doesn't work.

Crows are wraiths. Shadows. The whole point is that no one sees them coming!

They don't advertise like Lucanishit does. Which is why I'd rather hoped it would be his cousin Illario chosen as the romanceable companion. He actually knows how to blend in. Illario spends a lot of the story rightfully calling Lucanis on his bullshit methods.

The first of many editorial hiccups in 'The Wigmaker' is that you really are very unlikely to shove a sword through a wall like that. And a supposedly experienced assassin would probably know that?

Even modern walls have studs and often solid insulation and wires in them.

But we're talking medieval like walls, which tended to be stone or lathe and plaster. Those walls are basically a sandwich of wooden lathes with stone/gravel fill in the middle, then plaster on top. You are not shoving a sword through one. You can barely drill through one with a power drill! Even if you did manage to? It would very likely ruin the blade.

Also, that would not be the shape of the wound if you actually did manage to shove your sword through one of those walls without breaking it and into someone's hand. Because hands have these weird things called bones in them.

Fan art has Crows as more flashy, sure, but in the series itself? The most you see is skin tight clothing and dangerous eyes.

Going up to an innkeeper and bloody advertising that you're a crow? WTAF is that? Lucanishit is supposed to be the grandson of Caterina Dellamorte, First Talon to the Antivan Crows.

A black leather trenchcoat? Really? Really really? And that's just points off on the style factor. Those things became the mark of try-hards a long time ago.

Do you have any idea how noisy those coats are? How much unnecessary weight it would put on a person who is supposed to move silently and unseen? Do you have any clue how noisy those things would be when you took a flying leap like Lucanishit did in 'The Wigmaker?' (Think loud leather wings). How much wind drag there'd be wearing something so ridiculous on a contract? Any clue how hard it would be to reach your weapons under something like that? Ugh. The devil is most certainly in the details, peeps.

Okay, so moving past the utterly ridiculous sartorial choices this so called master assassin wears, he and Illario are loudly talking about being Crows on their way to the mark.

Assassins and Assassination are illegal, y'know? At least Illario tried to blend in. For which Lucanis mocked him.

They get into position, which for some reason is during a hoity toity Tevinter party rather than when the mark was, y'know, alone.

Lucanis does some incredibly unrealistic, noisy acrobatics to get some keys. That by itself I could let slide, rule of cool exists.

But he does it in that ridiculous leather trenchcoat. I don't care how unlikely people are to look up (humans really don't look up very often unless we train ourselves to do so) a giant bat like person flopping around doing acrobatics would be kinda hard to miss.

Then we move on to some murders.

Now, it's part of almost every assassin's creed that you don't harm the innocent or the servants in taking out a mark. It's mentioned a few times about the Crows. Because, again, they're supposed to be the bogeyman in the dark you never see coming.

Lucanis murders a couple of paid guards and doesn't bother to make it clean or hide the bodies.

Finally, we're into the mark's inner sanctum. There's some particularly ghoulish stuff that the mark is guilty of, so I could see why it might annoy someone.

But there they are, two Antivan Crows in a secluded area near the Mark. That, if there were any actual assassins around would've been the end of the story.

But instead of killing the mark and disappearing like any crow should, Lucanis instead decides to make the veil thin enough to allow demons to easily come through.

Into a party of drunk Tevinter mages.

So now instead of a clean, fast kill, we have around 250 possessed mages and enslaved elves. And I think I read somewhere that elves feel being demon possessed is a fate worse than death.

Obviously, this is chaos. Red lyrium somehow acts like red lyrium never has in series, which I could let go because rule of cool.

Lucanishit then proceeds to fight a weird demon possessed mark. (I would point out that in that situation it would've been the demon that killed the mark, not Lucanis.)

But yes, eventually, after torturing red-lyrium Shelob, he pokes it enough to kill it. Which in DA canon doesn't always dispatch the demon back beyond the veil.

Not even gonna go into what intentionally thinning the veil there would do. Aren't people trying to stop that?

Then Lucanis and Illario escape.

Leaving some 248 demon possessed creatures behind at a city estate in the middle of Vyrantium.

Now, like them or not, the nobility are usually the ones who have the resources to hire the crows. So Lucanis has just taken out a large portion of potentially paying clients. That alone would likely be enough to have him removed as a crow in a very final fashion.

And what exactly do y'all think would happen when those demon possessed inevitability get out of the estate?

Innocent people of Vyrantium would be slaughtered. Demons would replicate themselves and further thin the veil.

And it would be the commoners and enslaved people harmed most. Because magisters have the resources to protect themselves from demons.

There is absolutely no mention of Lucanis sticking around to clean up his mess. None.

This is not a good story on the professional level. There are major problems with it.

The writing itself is snappy and catchy. The action is fast enough that if you don't rub two brain cells together, it could be entertaining.

But my editor brain is always on. I literally cannot turn it off anymore.

My eyeballs rolled so much during this story that I'm surprised they didn't fall out and land on the floor.

From everything we know about crow culture from Zevran, from short stories and comics, from the games and bits of Lore, Lucanishit is just so badly characterized it's actually shocking that the same author wrote what is one of my favourite stories in Tevinter nights, which is 'Eight Little Talons' and which also features the crows as crows should be characterized.

I honestly think the only saving of that character for me in the upcoming game will be if someone who has actually read the Dragon Age lore on the Antivan Crows did the writing for him.

I don't even care that he looks a bit like Keanu Reeves, who is one of my all time favourite actors, nor that assassins tend to be some of my favourite classes to play.

Not even that I was really looking forward to playing a Crow again.

Man, if only Viago wasn't with Teia I'd have paid body parts for him as the companion crow (or Teia for that matter). And my polyamorous heart would've exploded in happiness to have them as a team you could potentially be in a polyam relationship with.

If that subtle, wickedly clever old Caterina Dellamorte, Lucanis and Illario's grandmother, who has kept hold of her position as First Talon for so long, saw her grandson acting like that she'd probably do what she did to Emil. (Which, in case you haven't read it, was smash his head in with a heavy handled cane then stab him to death.)

What the hell happened? Were they smoking the Harry Dresden smoke a bit heavily when they wrote 'The Wigmaker?' Some other kind of smoke? Were the editors drunk?

I swear. These things are part of why I keep saying that Bioware needs better developmental and diversity editors.

And no, I'm not talking about me. I would love to get into writing and editing for games. (Side-eyes the last year in the gaming industry. I think?)

But I don't write about Dragon Age and other games in hopes of landing a job. I do it to get these thoughts out of my head. And because I just love gaming. I've been doing it for over 30 years.

But they certainly need somebody.

[librarycards]

hey there cav. this is sort of a fraught question but. how do I engage with psychiatry when I'm antipsych? I need treatment but I have so much distrust and I feel like it's all bullshit. I don't really have a support system and there's few peer support resources in my area. I can't do this myself but I cant trust this system. soooo... tips for finding therapists that don't suck & getting the most of it? really appreciate your blog and posts, thanks

thank you for entrusting this message to me, I appreciate it! I have answered questions like this a few times before (they're buried somewhere, if you can't find them in my "ask" tag, lmk and i'll try to dig them up!). it's definitely fraught inasmuch as we're never (as people who hate psych but need specific, urgent support that communities aren't by default set up to provide) going to get an answer that we 100% want, but also very not-fraught inasmuch as most of us agree that surviving in this sea of partiality is something we can do together, with love and nonjudgement.

so, for context: i was in therapy - first behaviorist OT as a toddler and elementary school child, and, beginning at 7, talk therapy - nonconsensually basically from the time I could remember until adulthood. i likely would never have tried it again, except for the small hiccup of needing letters for Transing Genders. so, this was when i first sought out "trans affirming care," as it were, and i didn't expect much. i went to my college's health center and got a list of possible providers, and ended up getting an excellent PCP, as well as a therapist who was a genuine cis accomplice: she wrote letters for Mad/psych disabled clients whose genders wouldn't typically qualify us for surgery/hormones in the eyes of the M/PsyIC. i did not share with her the things i "ought" to have shared, but she knew I had survived abusive therapy / forced institutionalization, and accepted that, and accepted my cynicism along with it. i was also first genuinely understanding foucault at this time, so rest assured i was quite a little shit (affectionate).

when she left to practice elsewhere, i went to a therapist at the same practice she recommended. she was fine, but not what i needed. by this time, I'd gotten the requisite procedures, so my therapy attendance wasn't required. i basically just ghosted this new therapist around the time covid hit.

when i came to grad school, i initially wasn't looking for therapy, though i had idly considered something for OCD, which I was (and am) managing in part through medication. after getting outright rejected for, essentially, being too crazy for normie OCD therapy, i directed my search specifically for Mad/abolitionist providers. i began by going through some of the archives of places like the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network, and some people who have posted guest articles on Mad in America / The Fireweed Collective -- many are providers seeking to disrupt/abolish the system. That provided some leads, though no openings (there are very few of them, and they are, understandably, in high demand).

I then turned to my community connections: over the years, I've amassed a large number of Mad colleagues in various fields. Many are a half-step from radical/antipsych circles, so I asked them. This time, I asked specifically about a possible therapist who was interested in critiques of "eating disorders" as a category, who had an abolitionist, harm-reductionist, and anti-"health" approach to care, and who, accordingly, refused to cooperate with institutions of psychiatric confinement. I was directed to a list of people, of whom my current and beloved therapist / colleague / comrade was the first to respond.

my trajectory with her has been a steady building of trust through a shared ebbing and flowing of closeness, frustration, enlightenment, and curiosity. it has been close to a year and a half now, and we only began speaking frankly about more "dangerous"/"risky" topics a few months ago. early in our relationship, i did a great deal of boundary-testing, and reacted with anger and shutdown the first time she asked a question that proved risky/activating for me. my biggest recommendation when engaging with ANY provider is to ask them explicitly, repeatedly, and critically about their relationships with your own risk/harm level, their ongoing history wrt patient institutionalization / "referrals" to "higher levels of care". take note about the way they reference past patient situations, as well as their own past experience. take note of how they respond when you choose not to provide the information they seek.

also take note of what info they're willing to provide upfront, including at a consult: what methodologies do they work with, what was their training, how do they feel about said training? what are their politics? ask whoever recommended them to you, too. look at reviews. this is obvious -- what might not be is looking up their work on google scholar. who do they cite? what do they advocate, who do they associate themself with?

i think that it's also a good idea to ask them explicitly about their experience in other/"higher" levels of care - most therapists have done some kind of rotation during their education, often in a hospital, group home, halfway house, similar. if you have ever been institutionalized, you may have even spotted / been abused by some! observe how they discuss these experiences. take note.

if and when you've established this person as someone you want to continue working with, trust notwithstanding, think personally about what you are actually looking for. they will ask you about your goals, surely, but it's a good idea first to think about your own personal goals outside of the verbalized relationship between you two. do you need a confidante, and of what kind? what sort of accountability do you need, and what are you willing to try to figure that out? *what are you paying this person for that you feel others cannot or will not do*? what part of this person's expertise can be of use to you, and for how long?

i think one interesting approach to therapy is to regard the provider as a teacher - they're there to share knowledge with you, and you're free to accept or reject it. they have some kind of training/experience you don't have, and you seek them out because you think it may be of use in your own life, and perhaps even to redistribute that knowledge if and when you gain it. at the same time, you also have knowledge to share with them - not to be extracted, but to be incorporated in their own work and practice. the biggest insight on the practice of good therapy i've gleaned is that, ideally, you're both teaching and learning forever. this is true of all good relationships. there is an exchange of knowledge based on shared trust - values - priorities. once you are in a space where you know that this person shares your general relational orientation (aka, doesn't want to institutionalize, etc. you and people like you) it's possible to begin sharing knowledge in a way that benefits from this imposed structure. the benefit, imo, is that it's okay that you "monopolize" the convo and direct the knowledge-production toward your needs, because that's the service you're paying for!

i guess, to close, i'll return to the classic Mad Pride framing of us as "psych users/consumers." this isn't the perfect term, but i think it's enlightening, as we can and should be able to seek out services that work for us. just like i go to a person who knows wtf they're doing when, say, i need my nails done or my car fixed, so too do i go to an expert interlocutor when i am interested in developing my self-/relational knowledge and/or am seeking support in times of emotional tumult. this doesn't confer them a status as superior to me, just like someone isn't superior to someone else by being a nail tech or mechanic. it simply means that we are entering into a relationship where my needs and their expertise meet. seek a therapist who understands this, and understands themself as someone who can learn from you, too. this approach to therapy, and to care, mean that you can't just throw someone away or lock them up when they say things you don't like. it means that, even in those moments, there is something to be learned, and that the relationship will grow in that process of edification.

[bahja-blix]

Helluva Boss S2 EP 5 (Unhappy Campers)

Helluva Boss S2 EP 5 Review! 

🌵My opinions and views might be different from yours and that's okay! I'm entitled to my opinion and so are you! It is a free country where we should express how we feel about whatever it may be. Use your voice and let it shine! 

🌵🌵I've done some research on blogs that shared their thoughts and watched Helluva Boss S2 EP 5 (Unhappy Campers) several times over to get an insight of my own thoughts and put them all together in one. In other words I will be using other pieces of info from others whom have already critiqued the show and use their thoughts as inspiration! 

🌵🌵🌵I will be answering asks about this episode or Helluva in general so send away your thoughts especially in the comments section! 

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I'm going to highlight some things I actually did like about the episode before I critique it as I don't wanna completely end off on a negative note and throw in a bit of positivity, So let's begin!! 

🌵 Number 1 I really liked the fact that *Gasp* IMP is actually doing their job? 🥳🤯 I can't believe it neither because I nearly forgot about it lol! Man, If only there wasn't so much pointless filler in the previous episodes where they don't do their job and just screw around. I was genuinely surprised and I'm glad the episode went that route! 

🌵 Two, in the beginning Millie was spot on in this episode when it came to figuring out who they needed to kill as She quickly found some clues and facts like an actual detective from a far. I really liked that! 

🌵 Three Moxxie was funny in the episode to me. When he was interacting with the gals I couldn't help but laugh at his attitude and him getting roasted. 

🌵 Four nitpick but I like how good Millie looks as a tomboy and the clients design I like too so ya! 

🌵 Before Barbie ruined it for me I liked this one line she said in the episode! That line being: 

"Do you have any idea how easy it is to manipulate teenage humans?"

To me, I felt like it was a commentary on my own generation and real life. How my generation is very easy to manipulate and influence especially nowadays. I felt like it was relatable because that's the truth! 

Teenagers and kids in general *cough* gen z can be Very influenced or manipulated. The younger a person is the more likely they are to be influenced by bad people especially if that said person is seen as cool, popular, or in with the IT crowd. Trust me I've been there as an actual Gen Zer back in my edgy teen years. Only difference is I grew the hell up! 

🌵 With that done let's get into how I feel about the episode because….There's a lot to unpack here!

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🌵 When I first saw the title card I thought that Moxxie was going to be the main, Main focus in the spotlight and not Millie because of how the title card looked alone with a confident Moxxie and a disappointed Millie. Just like how Moxxie got the spotlight in other episodes such as Harvest Moon Festival (Where Millie should've had the spotlight in that episode) and just like how Stolas and Blitzo did in multiple episodes because God forbid the Stolitz show actually fucking ends so we can get actual character development for our fucking female characters that desperately need it.  However, that wasn't the case this time! It was Millie who actually got the spotlight most of the episode more so than Moxxie. 

🌲 We open up with Blitz looking for his sister Barbie Wire, where we find out (Later in the episode at 18:47) that he wants to help his sister and catch up her and it's all sweet in stuff, except I don't care. Blitzo is angry and upset over the fact that he can't find his sister so he storms to his office while Moxxie and Millie are trying their best to help a client who got killed at their camp site. Moxxie asks Blitz for advice and Blitz tells Moxxie to figure it out himself therefore Moxxie is put in charge as the lead. Mox promise's to find his killer and he says He says and I quote "This will be the cleanest, well prepped, most surgical hit they'll ever have" end quote… implying they will solve this case quickly only to completely contradict itself because it takes them a whole week (according to their universe) to drum up some BS they pull out of their ass to get some Jimmy guy killed by the end of the episode and while Moxxie is supposed to be the most logical one in IMP Moxxie messes everything up and the plan takes longer because the writers wanted to shit on Moxxie again because

"hee hee funny funny no one like him lol"

🌵 Moxxie sets up a plan where they go to a campground and play dress up again, Like they did in the cherubs episode.

I have several questions!

How come Barbie Wire who is an imp, can literally fucking shape shift without using any sort of magical source however, Moxxie, Millie and Blitzo can't? In Seeing Stars they had a chance to actually explain why but chose not too! Where's the fucking grimoire? They can use the grimoire to open portals, use spells, summon, but they can't use it for disguises… The Grimoire itself is so flippin useless that it shouldnt've even been introduced in this show. Furthermore, Why the Hell is Everyone in this goddamn universe so utterly stupid? Okay I know why but still… Like okay the girls Moxxie tries so incredibly hard to befriend, question him for the way he looks n stuff but when they see Millie they don't question her at all like???¿?¿? K lmao

🌵 At the campground Moxxie and Millie recap their plan in the most cringy way possible and then they move on And part ways. 

🌵 Moxxie tries to befriend the gals in the most wack ass way but gets his ass roasted. The gals leave and Blitzo continues to find his sister. 

🌵Millie is the most badass at the  camp because that's how Millie is… Moxxies badass wife that doesn't even have to try at all in fact the episode makes sure that everyone loves her because Viv said so that's why! 

🌵First off all the song Millie sings is God Awful, her being overly popular at the camp grounds is so fucking forced and completely out of knowwhere. She joins a volleyball game and dunks on some kid and that's what makes her popular? Lmao K, 

🌵 Mox gets jealous of Millie because he's not the focus in the episode! It's Millie for once. After a small argument Millie suggests that Mox does something that he's good at so they can go and continue with their plans. 

🌵 Oh come the fuck on dont tell me Moxxie is this fucking cringy like he has shown he can perform and sing better that that! *Facepalms* 

🌵 Moxxie screws up yet again and everyone hates him even more so he goes crying on the toilet. Millie comforts him and that's sweet and stuff. Mix tries again, and again, and again, he fails spectacularly and then Moxxie gets upset Yet Again! 

🌵 Mox goes on about how he has a "Job" to do and that the job has to be done "His way" because God damnit he said so! Only it wasn't Millie that messed up the plan at all because had Moxxie actually listen to his wife this time the episode would've fucking ended and the filler wouldn't happen now would it? Moxxie is the one that messes everything up and it takes Millie up on stage to unintentionally kill who their looking for with a firework that just so happen to go flying into the location that Moxxie, Blitzo and his sister were fighting at. 

🌵 The Falling Out

Millie and Mox *gasp* have an argument? Couldn't believe it either lol! Millie admits she doesn't feel important. That no one is proud of her and this and that. Millie sweetie you fucking LOVE killing, killing is your life. it means the whole world to you and now you're pulling this outta your behind? They literally could've finished the job had Moxxie listened to her. Then Literally not even a minute and a half later this shit happens… 

🌵 Moxxie gets up on that stage like the diva he is and constantly validates his wife for being the biggest badass ever to walk earth while at the end of his speech creeps everyone out then goes and looks for the suspects but only after Millie points out some sus activity. Mox runs into Blitz and gets called out for his fuckery not finishing the job he was tasked to do.

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🌵 The Barbie Wire Situation

Okay I'm going to be tapping into sensitive ground here so please keep in mind I'm going off of the themes in the episode that are presented to me as the viewer. I have read others posts about Viv and the backlash she got about Barbie but regardless, these are my thoughts, this is your final warning and here we go!

🌵 Going back into the beginning At the 3:44 minute mark when Moxxie and Millie go and find out whom possibly killed their client Moxxie states "Hm, You know, these kids are a bit younger than I was expecting" and then followed up by telling Millie to not be sexual around them Implying that the campers are minors which is why I (like others) questioned the situation especially later in the episode more as time went on! (Moxxie telling Millie to not be sexual is completely contradicted in the last bit of the episode simply because horny ass Viv just couldn't hold it in anymore)

🌵 Barbie was okay until she decided to be a creep ass in the episode at the beginning of the 16 Minute mark of her flashing her boney ass at the audience… Viv once again gets her ass in that hot water when people call her out for her abysmal writing. I've heard that people saw her say that The "Teenager Jimmy" is 18 or 19 but the scene itself to me was unnecessary and still downright creepy. 

Like? The show literally could've thrown in a bag of weed or edibles if the show really wanted to go there knowing the nature of the show anyway and that would've made more sense since you yourself Barbie are a drug addict who makes young impressionable teenagers smuggle drugs. 

🌵 Later Barbie says "I don't wanna hear it "Kid". She calls him kid which is really weird but I mean…there's literally grownups irl that call older teens kids anyway so I mean I Guess it can be taken either way. But here's the thing though this Jimmy guy sure acts like a dumb immature kid with his "WHAAA?? Heeeyyy No I'm not" attitude like lmao 😂 which is it is he older or is he younger? Pick one! 

But I mean hey, Who knows maybe this guy who sounds nothing like a 18/19 yr old really is an adult or maybe Viv is just a damn liar that's pulling something out of her ass to get herself out of that hot water that she put herself into! It was the first day of the episode and people will talk more as time goes on! 

🌵 A slow-ass fight within the episode ensues but it's nothing really all that special compared to what we previously got like with Truth Seekers and Western Energy as examples.

🌵 In the end regardless if Barbie tried saving him that Jimmy guy died anyway because of Millie and her fireworks that blew his ass away... quite literally LMAO

🌵 Glad we actually get some sort of context or insight on Barbie and Blitzo's relationship within the 18:44 minute mark, Where we learn that Blitz literally ruined her life in the past however, here's the thing… we don't even get to see what actually happened in their past. It's just a bunch of filler instead of developing this character you tried hyping up. Why did Barbie go to rehab? Was it the drugs? Or something else? Why does Barbie hate her brother so much and never wants to see him again? Why doesn't the episode fucking explore their relationship properly? Viv why the hell did you try so incredibly hard to hype up this character if there wasn't going to be jack shit with her? 

Hnnnnggg

🌵 The episode DID NOT need the incest "joke" at all in any way shape or form. Viv and her horny writing staff just Had to add that in there be shocking and subvert expectations when in reality it didn't like? We've already seen Those two humping in the air on stage before in the goddamn cherubs episode. lmfao sweet home incest Alabama am I right? 

The End! 

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🌵 Wow! Definitely NOT a fan of this episode at all! It's a meh episode that actually did get me to laugh a few times. This episode should've been split into two parts. One where we could get to explore more about Barbie and her relationship with her brother Blitzo and another where the writing staff could write an actual BETTER Millie episode where she actually gets better character development than small pieces of development! Those Asmodeus crystals are unexplained and never explored on! The Grimoire is fucking useless as hell, this episode should've been in season one based on the fact that unlike season one of Helluva Boss season two is completely different! They actually do their jobs in season one but two? Nah Fam! Like every episode of helluva boss there's a ton of errors in it, Blitzo is an asshole but that's how he always been, Moxxie being ranchy AF especially when talking about his period as if he's the greatest thing in the universe was Not Funny! Barbie is a groomer, regardless if Viv claims this Jimmy guy is, 18 it's still creepy and was completely unnecessary. The incest jokes in the episode were completely horrendous and didn't need to be in the episode at All, and lastly… 

🌵 Loona Does shows up at the very last second of the episode! She sure does exist does she? There's the bait! Come and Get It!

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Did I miss anything you'd like me to talk about? Ask me anything! Do you agree or disagree? 

Comment, like, share around, critique and always give feedback as everything is appreciated!

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[ashcadence]

kunikida and/or albert moriarty

Send Me a Character & I'll Tell You✨️

We'll do Kunikida first since I have more opinions about him then I do Albert.

My first impression - What's the deal with that dumb-ass ponytail. I already don't like him.

My impression now - One of my favorite characters. I think he's severely underrated within the fandom. I'm always so excited when there's a Kunikida based episode or arc!

Favorite thing about that character - The fact that he's kind of intense, but still responsible. Most characters who are very explosive, are very unlikable (in my opinion) but the fact he cares for people and his explosive personality is not all he is really draws me to the character.

Least favorite thing - That fuckin' ponytail. I would think he's good-looking if it wasn't for that ponytail.

Favorite line/scene - Right at the beginning of the anime when he's reading off the list of complaints from Dazai's clients, and doing the voices. Then his whole episode with Aya. I loved that episode because it got to showcase his intelligence for once in the entire series.

Favorite interaction that character has with another - I can't really say there are any that stick out to me, so I'm just going to go with the obvious and say him and Dazai.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more - I'd like to see more of him, Atsushi, and Kyoka together. I think the dynamics would be really interesting.

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character - I'm terrible at this question. I never really compare characters from fandoms, so this isn't a character that reminds me of him, but I think Kunikida and Louis from Moriarty the Patriot would get along really well. They could be stressed together lol.

A headcanon about that character - Is really into the fishkeeping hobby. I could see him loving the specifics and science behind it.

A song that reminds of that character - Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons. It's not the lyrics but just the general vibes and sound of the song.

An unpopular opinion about that character - I once got sent death threats over this opinion, but I think he's a better and healthier partner for Dazai compared to Chuuya.

Favorite picture - This used to be my profile pic on TikTok for awhile

Send Me a Character & I'll Tell You✨️

Time for Albert! (These answers might be disappointing 'cuz I don't have a lot to say)

My first impression - I hate this character.

My impression now - I still hate him. I appreciate him within the story and Moriarty the Patriot wouldn't be Moriarty the Patriot without him and he's a very interesting character. Doesn't mean I have to like him. And I'm 99% sure the only reason I hate him is because he reminds me of someone I know irl who I hold a massive grudge against. I am glad other people are able to enjoy Albert's character! I would probably like him if it wasn't for my grudge...

Favorite thing about that character - I do like his hair color.

Least favorite thing - If I listed everything, it would literally just be attacking the entire character, and most of it isn't actual critiques.

Favorite line/scene - I honestly don't have an answer for this one.

Favorite interaction that character has with another - Him and Moran. Idk if you've read the light novel where they have a drinking contest, but it's fantastic.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more - I need more of him and Moran bantering.

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character - Once again, I don't have one.

A headcanon about that character - He really likes white wine, but doesn't drink it because it's not as aesthetically pleasing as red wine.

A song that reminds of that character - Eat You Alive by The Oh Hellos

An unpopular opinion about that character - Umm... I think me disliking him is probably unpopular opinion enough.

Favorite picture - I actually don't have one for this.

[anamericangirl]

And I have to respond to this paragraph in particular because it's so awful. You call me uneducated and naive because I don't think abortion is a good solution to the above problems? You are uneducated and naive to think it's a good solution because that means you're ignorant of all the options there are. Plus it's an incredibly cruel position to take. You guys just love playing God here.

Yeah lost me here.

You say I like playing God but I’m not on the side that is forcing or condemning anything. If anything, wouldn’t that be your side playing that role?

I didn’t say abortion was a good solution. I said your priorities are misplaced mainly because abortion bans have historically not worked. If your end goal is to stop abortion, you’re doing a poor job by focusing your main attention on bans that will only lead to back alley abortions that will end in more women suffering and overall no significant reduction in abortion.

You seem too emotional and stuck in your own high horse to actually think critically and not in black and white. Your take on abortion lacks a lot of key details that impact the overall problem. Adoption is not a successful or partially good solution to pregnancy either, we can already see that by the increasing numbers of kids entering the foster care system and less and less families able to adopt.

What you’re pushing for isn’t a solution either, you just feel better about it because in your opinion, anything is better than aborting a non-viable fetus.

Which is fine, but you’re not accomplishing much. What you’re advocating for is just simply more unsafe abortions in the end, and more women dying because of them.

I’m explaining how you’re too stuck in your high moral ground to see the actual truth.

Trust me, you've been lost for a long time.

I say you like playing God because you think you have the right to decide who lives or dies and whether or death is better for someone than foster care.

"If your end goal is to stop abortion, you’re doing a poor job by focusing your main attention on bans that will only lead to back alley abortions that will end in more women suffering and overall no significant reduction in abortion."

This is just abortion propaganda you've been duped into regurgitating. Like I've been saying the whole time, we're not focusing just on abortion bans. That's only one thing we're focusing on. So you are trying to critique a movement you don't know anything about.

You don't even know what the terms you are using mean. Back alley abortions were performed by medical professionals, the same people who performed them when they are legal. They were called "back alley" abortions because the client would enter the clinic through the back door that was usually facing an alley. So it's very obvious you're just repeating talking points you've heard without really knowing what they mean.

I'm not stuck on a moral hight ground, but I don't know why you expect me to take you seriously when you obviously don't know what you're talking about. Literally none of the facts back you up. You are very clearly using terms you don't know the meaning of and expecting me to just accept what you're saying at face value when I know for a fact you're wrong about pretty much everything.

And you want to know a big problem I have with you? You tell me you're not saying abortion is a good solution, yet it's the only solution you'll get behind. Abortion? Not a good solution. Banning abortion? Not a good solution. Foster care? Not a good solution. Adoption? Not a good solution.

If you think all the solutions are bad, why is abortion the only one you support? What do you think the problem is that there is no good solution for?

"Adoption is not a successful or partially good solution to pregnancy either, we can already see that by the increasing numbers of kids entering the foster care system and less and less families able to adopt."

You know fuck all about the adoption industry and foster care system and it shows. If you're going to try to pretend adoption and foster care are justifications for murdering babies you should at least know a little bit about them.

Adoption is a good solution to pregnancy if you don’t want the baby. If a pregnant woman does not want her baby it is pretty much guaranteed they will immediately have a home because there are literally waiting lists of people wanting to adopt babies. So if we're just talking about adoption in relation to pregnancy it's a great solution because there are more people waiting to adopt babies than there are babies available for adoption. You just don't like it because the baby gets to live.

Also, it's important for you to know adoption and foster care aren't the same thing. The number of children in foster isn't connected to adoption. The goal of foster care is reunification with the biological parents so most of the children in foster care aren't even up for adoption.

I'm not advocating for unsafe abortions. All abortions are unsafe because a procedure that kills a human being is not safe by definition.

Your arguments are unconvincing because you’re just repeating talking points you’ve from other pro-choicers without really knowing what you’re saying and your knowledge of what you’re saying doesn’t extend beyond the sentence you’re regurgitating.

Nothing you have said is a good reason to keep on murdering innocent people and that’s what’s you’re not grasping here. There are a lot of societal problems we can talk about and discuss solutions for, but they aren’t justifications to abort your baby considering that does nothing except kill a person.

Getting abortions doesn’t help the foster care system, adoption agency, or anything you bring up to justify it. And I think you need to slow down and think about this topic a little more. So let me ask you a question:

When is it ok to intentionally kill a baby?

[magpiefngrl]

a thought about betaing

haven’t mentioned this here before but I’ve started offering freelance critique services, mostly focused on dev editing, and so I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about editing feedback (aka what we call in fandom betaing) and ways we can totally fuck up when giving it.

And one of the things that had never occurred to me so far is what i’ll call the timing. What I mean by that is whether an author shares a work for feedback early in the process of writing or later. Now, these musings are coloured by my personality and insecurities and the kind of writer I am; others will differ. But for me, when I first write something, when it’s in the process of taking shape, or when it’s just before being done, it’s super fragile. I’m really quite vulnerable to harsh criticism in a way that I’m not when the story has been finished, edited, revised, and polished by myself quite thoroughly before giving it to someone for a second look. The former work is a bud that needs care and gentle handling; the latter is an oak, sturdy and tall, that could do with a healthy dose of chopping down bits of it. I’m OK with the beta/editor taking an axe at the latter type of story. The more, the better (usually). I’m crushed when they do the same in the former type of story.

This prompted a realisation: it’s crucial for me as an author to know where I am emotionally regarding a piece of work and to ask for feedback accordingly, and it’s also crucial for me as an editor to try and figure out which stage the story I’m critiquing is. To know if the story could only take a gentle touch with lots of water and fertilizer and sunshine, or whether I could start pruning whole branches.

A beta treating a darling bud as an oak will destroy it. And I’ll be hurt. A beta treating an oak as a bud will be ineffectual. I won’t be hurt emotionally but the story will suffer.

In the end, the timing is all about self-reflection. Knowing exactly what you need from the person having a look at your work at that moment in time for that specific work.

[ricaffeine]

𝐇𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐥 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐋𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 | 𝐎𝐧𝐞

an: i'm sad because of hyunji drought and this is helping me cope :( but fr if tvn decides to make hotel blue moon then yeaji needs to be in it!!

also very annoying, i can't reply to comments bc this is a side blog (bruh wtf tumblr, i'm so sad should i make a new one?) reblog if you feel like it and my asks are open if you wanna chat 🖤✨

CHAPTER TWO

Weekdays at Seoul's National art gallery were usually the same. Buzzing curators dealing with hot-tempered clients. One thing or another was typically going not right and art directors cried about their wrong coffee order.

Although today was not the usual as to the crowds of bubbly news reporters and dazzled art critiques swarming up the wide place. As to Munyeong on the other hand, she was not pleased to the slightest.

"Just smile at the cameras, don't forget about the paycheck you're getting today." Sangin repeated himself for the fifth time. "Don't cause a scene, just think about the money."

Ah right. The paycheck.

As to The Nightmare Garden was bid off for over ten-million dollars, all of today's fanciness was dedicated to her, nation's celebrated female illustrator. However in all honesty, Munyeong barely liked her so-called masterpiece, but considering the amount of cash it will make her, she could be appreciative for the sake of it.

Behind her oversized sunglasses, Munyeong glared at her pesky manager– if looks could kill, he'd already be eleven feet under his grave. Sangin shut his mouth.

"Let's just get this over with," she simply responded, hooking off her eyewear then strutted into the hall with her long legs. Eyes whipped at her and cameras started to flash intensely, almost blinding her and Munyeong wondered how much those little pests could afford her if they got her blind.

And so the event played on. More pictures were taken– as if they hadn't blind her enough cheerful compliments flowed along with the spring breeze. The insincere joker smile she mastered whilst she met her million-dollar client– according to Sangin a hotel owner, though the woman did not have the looks for it– and the glass of filthy wine she almost had a chance to taste if Sangin's sixth sense was not so creepily fast.

Another dreadful two hours later as the dusk had set, hitting the edges with its golden flare, everyone had left. They got their articles and Munyeong will certainly be getting her pools of cash.

To her displease Sangin had informed her to wait as he had to take care of some paperworks she doubted he went to bribe the press into censoring her quoted inappropriate words. 

Nevertheless it was not her bother. She gave his plead a second before storming off to the complimentary section of the building.

Luck on her side, for nobody was there and she was able to grab one of the wine bottles with her– as for a fact it definitely was not stealing.

"Don't be shy, I know you want it."

Munyeong stopped within her steps as soon as an obnoxiously familiar voice echoed from the gallery she previously was in. Curiosity taking the lead, she peaked through the corner and had to muffle her own snort. Stood there, nation's art historian with the sharpest tongue– Choi Seojin.

She finds it hard to believe that his articles are highly known around, or even relevant, when his mouth is full of complete shit. However not disregarding the nastiest tea yet– a frightened girl seized under him. Her hands were locked, frightened eyes grew larger as the man spewed out nasty things.

Instantly, she took out her phone to film the disgraceful scene. Munyeong grinned to herself, reminiscing the rage she felt last time when he mentioned about her mother, and how her irritating manager had interrupted her before she could've sent him down the stairs to Satan.

The man reared into the poor girl's cheek when she attempted to fight him off, and Munyeong's smile dropped.

That piece of shit.

Munyeong entered the room, arms crossed, head high. Her wedge heels clicked against the hardwood as she let out an unamused wow.

Mad dog– what she personally thinks he should be called– 's head whipped at her with wide eyes. Like a child getting caught of lying.

"Oh my. Your hobbies are quite interesting Mr. Choi. Talking shit and sexual harassment?" Munyeong spat. "The girl looks like she'd rather kill herself, why are you even trying?"

As if he thought he could get away with what he just did, mad dog released his foul grip on the girl. Munyeong clicked her tongue and tauntingly held out her phone.

"Oh no, don't bother pretending. Judging by the looks, that won't even favor you at this point." She spared a glance at the quivering girl. "Why are you waiting? Go."

Shakingly and with thankful eyes she nodded and left, her footsteps filling void of silence before it coated the air again.

Mad dog snickered, as if there was something to laugh about. "Don't mess with me Ms. Ko. You know me, I won't die alone."

"Certainly I'll drag you and Mr. Lee down with me. Why do you think they call me the suicide bomb?"

Munyeong walked towards him and spreaded a smile, though even dogs could tell you shouldn't push her further. "You mean the bastard you can't fall down without dragging everyone else with him? Why?"

"I can destroy your career with the tip of my pen, I'm sure you know." He gave her a look, panning out his hand. "Now if you hand me your phone, I think we can compromise something."

Munyeong unraveled her arms, eyes hardening at his next sentence. "You think so?"

"Nation's beloved artist turned out to have antisocial personality disorder. What do you think will happen when people find out?" Mad dog sneered. "Her mother who mysteriously commited suicide–"

"Shut up." She warned. His words lit up the flame from their last encounter, adding fuel to her burning fire. Her head pounded, hard. For a moment she had hoped that if he proceeded as she said, then things would not have to get ugly.

"And her father? Spending his last days in the psychiatric hospital."

But men never listen, do they?

Munyeong tightened the hand around her bottle and striked it at him with full force. The bottom part crashed the wall behind him– just above the hung painting- glass shattered as rich burgundy stained its way down, smearing all over. Its taste fused with the air and Munyeong glowered at the creature who dodged her flawless aim.

"You crazy bitch!" He yelled, scrambled on the floor. But Mad dog was quick to lunge at her, they both hit the ground, stumbling as her open purse had been knocked away– and Munyeong's eyes landed on something very specific.

She was quicker, getting on her feet and spared the bastard a strong kick in the groin, leaving him groaning as she reached for her pen.

Her favorite calligraphy pen– its lining was stunning, coated in shiny teal with hints of gold, but most importantly, the dangerously sharp tip. The way it writes like reaping out blood from your hand– hence why it is a favorite.

She hawled back over and he screamed at her, though she didn't hear him. Her head was light as she felt blood rushed through her veins. Munyeong raised her arm and struck it back down.

Die.

Both of them froze. No, not her and mad dog, but him.

Deafening silence had lied between the walls and there they stood, eyes pierced into another's souls. Hers burned like fire, but his were dignified like the deep ocean.

Droplets of blood trickled down his forearm and splattered the floor, staining the rolled up sleeves of his crisp white shirt. What a waste.

"Let go. You can't kill him." The man– still with a bloody pen graved in his palm said.

Munyeong couldn't help but scoff, especially after that fucking bastard had just strangled her. "Don't be dramatic. I was just going to give him a few scratches."

Well maybe that's not entirely true.

Rough scrambling erupted underneath them, but when Munyeong turned to look, the mad dog had just ran off, like a lost puppy. Angrily she bit her lip, close to drawing blood until she felt the man draw his own hand back.

She watched as he did. The way he carefully slid her pen into his jacket and brought out a black silk handkerchief. Very rarely, she'd be astonished by something, and now it's him. Though she found it quite difficult to understand him– since when do you interrupt another's stabbing session by screwing up your own hand instead, and also the audacity to tell her she could not stab somebody?

So lost in her thoughts it took her a few seconds to realize her pulse was not pounding anymore.

"Did anyone not tell you that it is basic etiquette to not pry into someone else's business?" Munyeong said– seized the napkin from him, and began to tie a knot. She shot him a glance.

No reply. The man simply stared at her.

"Hmm?" She raised a brow, amused at his slight flinch when she tugged a little harder.

"Don't stress it too much, my manager will take care of our little incident." Munyeong chuckled as he proceeded to ignore her. "Do you know what? There are a lot of people in this world who deserve to die. And some very thoughtful freaks secretly take care of that, so clueless humans can sleep peacefully at night, completely unaware. Which one do you think I am?"

She dropped his hand, anticipating for his answer. Flares of light shined through the blinds, sharpening at his strong features and she noted his small– yet devilish smile.

"A clueless freak."

He finally responded, leaning towards her. His eyes traced her face, gazing down at her lips for a second too long, before their eyes were locked once again. "And of course you will have to pay, but at what price?"

taglist -> i could not tag some of ya'll :( @anotherdush @callmeashipper @ourcoffeeaddictme @nothingcreativeyet @pancat @hotstuff-benswolo @lookingatthesunset @evielovesfood @waywarm @gloster @hello-79 @ailander

[anniesardors]

Okay… not at all fandom or Upstead related (even though I could yell at you for DAYS about all of your fics) but I’m in my 4th year as a psychology major and my goal is to one day work in play therapy with children who require developmental, behavioural, and/or regulation support. I know you’ve said you work as a trauma therapist (your post about the stigma surrounding the idea of people being “broken” was absolutely ✨ICONIC✨) so I’m just wondering if you have an advice or wisdom to share for someone finishing up their bachelors degree and looking to work in the field? I’m in the process of applying for a thesis and looking at master’s programs but G O D 😂🥴 it would be so nice to get some perspective from someone in the field 💕

Oooh this might be one of my favorite asks ever. As much as I love yelling about upstead, I also REALLY love yelling about psych and therapy. For those of you who don't know, I'm a therapist working with young children and teens. I do trauma work, behavioral and mental health therapy, and play therapy (I'm lucky to get to do all those things because I'm so indecisive). It makes me SO HAPPY that you are getting into the field to because we need more wonderful people!

I've got lots of advice and I'm aware not everyone is going to find this post relevant so my long list of advice is under the cut!

If you can go to an open house/ in person interview before choosing your grad school, do. Grad school for therapy is different than a lot of other programs. You're going to be working very closely with your cohort. Almost all programs will have you record your therapy sessions and show them to your peers. You have to feel comfortable with those people. They are going to be critiquing you and helping you grow. I felt very comfortable with the people I met at my interview day and that was a huge factor of why I chose the school I did.

Applying for grad school is just the worst. Your worth is not tied to what schools you get into. Just remember that.

When you're applying for schools, look where they have their students do their internships (but it's totally normal if you have no idea what you're looking for in an internship site!).

Also make sure your school is accredited!!! Especially if you are getting a counseling degree because if your school isn't accredited, it'll bite you in the butt when you try to get a license down the road.

You're gonna feel like everyone has their crap together in grad school. They don't. You're all confused together. It's the beauty of it.

You're also probably going to have a lot of moments where you feel like you have no idea what in the world you are doing. You do. That's a normal experience. Something our professors always told us is that, at the end of it, you can always learn more skills and theories but the way you are with a client, that is what is important.

You're gonna learn a whole lot about yourself in grad school. It's part of the process of becoming a good therapist. Don't run from it.

Your grad school internship is your opportunity to ask a million questions. No one is going to think it's annoying. You're an intern, they don't expect you to have all the answers. Ask everything.

You also don't need to know what type of therapist you are gonna be in grad school. You don't need to have a chosen theoretical orientation when you graduate. You'll figure it out along the way. Trust me.

SELF-CARE. They're gonna shove this down your throat in grad school. They did it with me and honestly, I did not really believe the whole burnout thing they kept selling me. And then I worked as a therapist during 2020 and I got burnout real quick. You're gonna hate your job if you don't do good self-care.

Have good professional boundaries. Don't work at the job that makes you take on a ridiculous client load with little to no support. Don't bring work home with you. Don't do it.

I wish someone told me how hard it was going to be some days. You are going to see hard things and hear hard stories and they're going to get to you. You're human. That's why it's important to have good self care, good boundaries and have good supervision.

I also wish someone told me about the good days. Because damn they're good. Especially when you are working with kids. The way you feel after a good session or after a small victory with a client is indescribable. You're making a difference in someone's life and it's an honor to be doing so. The good moments make it so worth it.

Something you have to deal with when you work with kids in this type of setting is the never ending question of "Why?" I get a lot of strange looks and rude comments. when I tell people what I do. Ignore them. You're meant to do what you're doing and these kids are so worth it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I think the biggest piece of advice I can give is be the person who gives a crap. You're gonna mess up your theories and skills and you are going to have bad sessions. The kids don't know that and they don't care. What they do care is that you are showing up for them every week. That you love them unconditionally. That you give a crap. For a lot of the kids you work with, they don't have that in their lives. When I remove all the external pressure and just focus on caring about the kid sitting in front of me, I often see much more change than if I was doing all the fancy techniques.

I probably have thousands of more things I would say. This is a hard field but an amazing one. I am always more than happy to talk about it or share any advice. Feel free to pop into my ask box or DMs any time! I love talking about this stuff! Best of luck to the anon who sent this ask!!

[traincat]

I like MCU Spider-Man, but I agree with nearly all of your critiques. The 3rd film will have the same director and writers, so I don't expect the problems to be fixed, but I'm curious: do you think MCU Spider-Man is salvageable? If you could be completely in charge, how would you write the story and fix the problems?

Yeah, I don’t really expect the problems to be fixed in the third film, no matter how many times they promise it’s going to be something “different.” If I’m honest, besides the incredibly weak scripts, I think a big part of the problem is that Jon Watts is a bad director for a Spider-Man project. Which, to be fair, I think is actually why he was hired – he’s got a pretty short list of credits under his name. I mean, “Cop Car”? “Clown”? Nothing about his repertoire suggests he was going to give the studio the kind of artistic pushback they have a history of receiving from their more experienced directors. He’s basically the director version of Jell-O – easy to mold and bland to boot. The perfect guy to direct a car commercial I mean mainstream superhero film. 

This is actually part of the reason I’m disappointed that the Sony-Marvel rights deal ended up sticking after all. I think that if the film rights had reverted entirely back to Sony, there might have been some damage control. We know that they intended to keep Tom Holland, if not the whole cast, for at least one more movie even if the rights had reverted entirely back to Sony so I don’t really get what the raising of arms was about. The rights reversion would’ve cut the apron strings with the rest of the MCU which would have been good, forcing both this Spider-Man to stand on his own two feet within his own narrative and also forcing the movie to focus solely on Spider-Man and on his cast. Sony’s recent Spider-Man films as of the time of writing this (I no idea what the hell they’re gonna do with Morbius and I don’t really care) have dealt with some element of “corporations are evil” – Oscorp pulling the strings in TASM/2 and Venom’s whole entire deal – and I would really like to see this version of Spider-Man be thrust into a plot where that’s the reality and that’s something he has to deal with and where he’s actually forced to defend normal people not just against a costumed villain with a grudge but against an entire system that is set up to exploit and abuse the vulnerable. I think that would have gone a long way towards if not fixing the damage inflicted upon the narrative, then at least course correcting it for the future. But that’s not happening now so whatever.

I find it kind of hard to think of what I would do if I was handed complete control of MCU Spider-Man with the caveat that I had to go forward using the two previous films as my background just because I dislike so many of the choices they made so much. On the other hand, I do like money and inflicting my own opinions on a captive audience, so. I think I would want to scale back the stakes a lot – keep Peter in New York for the entirety of the movie’s plot and film mostly there if at all possible. I would want to cute the ties to all Iron Man cast members so sorry, Jon Favreau, but you’re out, while at the same time redirecting the film’s focus into something more oriented in Peter’s civilian community. Bringing in a character like Leo Zelinsky, a Holocaust survivor who works as a tailor specializing in super-clients, would be a really good way to give Peter and the audience a personal connection to Peter’s Queens community while also tying this Peter back to the Jewish subtext of Spider-Man, and it could work in a plot where cut the Iron Man cast – this Peter isn’t an experienced craftsman when it comes to creating his own costume, so bringing in Leo Zelinsky would make sense, and a costume created by the both of them could be quite meaningful if it was played out well. 

I would definitely want to give May Parker much more screentime and rework her relationship from the “big sister” role (the writers’ words, not mine) to that of Peter’s mother, someone who realistically worries about the dangers of Spider-Man but also provides a strong moral backbone for him. I’d want to establish the exact circumstances of Ben’s death – I don’t know exactly what I’d do, but given this Peter’s development has failed to track with most other Peters I would definitely want to switch Ben’s death up somehow to kind of shed some light on that. Peter and May would have to talk about him. I would definitely want to bring Peter’s classic college friends group closer together, starting with Peter and Flash since I really like Tony Revolori as an actor. I find this MJ to be an incredibly inscrutable character, and not in a good way, so I’d want to shed some better light on her, her family circumstances, and what makes her tick. I’d bring Liz back and give her some of her comic counterpart’s fire (perhaps literally, given Ultimate Liz’s Firestar status) and also I’d get Betty’s actress a brunette bob stat. There would definitely be a bigger focus on women and on Peter navigating complicated friendships with women, not just letting him have a romantic interest and that’s the end of that. I’m very conflicted on what to do with Ned Leeds because I think Jacob Batalon has some of the best screen presence of that cast, but I find it hard to get past the “Ganke Lee with a minor Peter antagonist’s name pasted on him” aspect of the character. Honestly? I might rework Ned’s role to go full villain, skipping directly to the Hobgoblin with the shadow of the Green Goblin and the Kingpin behind him. That would solve my problem of wanting to give Batalon massive amounts of screen time and a big role but absolutely detesting the reworking of Ned Leed’s into the best friend sidekick position. I would say I’d want Ned to then have a romantic subplot with a young Richard Fisk, who would be here for some reason (it’s not like it’s the worst continuity crime the MCU would have ever committed) but I don’t want yet another Disney’s first ever gay character spotlight moment to be given to the villains, so. It would take some finangling. Maybe I would reinvent Aunt May’s one time fiance Nathan Lubensky as a woman so we’d have some nice balance.

And we defend not one single bank within the movie.

Alternatively, I go mad with the power and reveal that this entire cast is made up of clones created by the Jackal, thus explaining all the Ben Reilly-inspired costumes, and subject everyone to my five movie Clone Saga adaptation dreams.

What I would really want to do given full creative control and being told I could wipe the slate clean and restart Spider-Man within the MCU, no questions asked, would be to have Peter as a retired superhero who was active underground years and years before Iron Man or the Avengers were ever on the scene, and have his daughter Mayday be the young teenage Spider-Man of the MCU, someone fresh and new who carries her father’s legacy while living in a world saturated by the Avengers legacy.

Or I’d just kill Peter and bring in a great team to do a Miles movie. I maybe think about this theoretical where I can get my claws into things a lot.